#interlude 1 part 1

[locria-writes]

mc is just straight up not having a good time at all

[evenings-at-the-seaofquanta]

That Honkai sure can Impact it. and by "it", haha, well. let's justr say. My emotional stability and wellbeing

[varpusvaras]

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"Ah, Commander! I was waiting for you to call!"

"Chancellor Palpatine. I apologise for having to report to you in this manner. I'm sure you understand that we couldn't risk the Senate while the investigation was still going on."

"Of course, do not fret too much. This was a very surprising situation, for all of us. I'm assuming that the situation is under control now, yes?"

"Yes, Sir. We have made efforts to quarantine the area and monitor the levels of radiation present. The officers from Coruscant Security Forces have been a big help, with lending us their gear. I'm afraid that our scanners were not made to be able to detect this type of radiation, so it only got caught later on in a more controlled environment. I apologise deeply for this."

"Not to worry, we can all agree that this was not your fault in the slightest. Besides, the medical center the suspect was transferred to failed to inform you of the situation either. The Security Forces had no idea of the arrest that you had made, and so had no idea that something like this had happened when the doctors made the report to them. But, like you said, it is all under control now. How are your men, Commander?"

"Better. It seemed that the radiation did not cause too much harm, as our armors provided some protection from it. Still, we are keeping the ones who were present at the arrest monitored for a bit longer, just to make sure that there are no long-term effects."

"Good, good. Of course that means that you are now one Commander short, as I understood that one of them was the one making the arrest- oh, of course, how could've I forgot, you shouldn't even be working right now! How are you feeling, Commander?"

"I'm fine. I'll be confined to light duty for a couple of days more, per my Chief Medical Officer's orders, but I'll do my best to mitigate any issues that this incident might cause. Rest assured, the Guard will be providing for the Capital, as are our orders."

"Of course you will, I have all the faith in you, Commander. Now, please, do get some rest. I have other things I need still attend to, actually, and- oh, look at the time, I really should be going, I didn't even realise! The days have been very long, recently, haven't they? I'll see you later, Commander, once you have been cleared back for duty. Hopefully you'll have a bit less busy evening than I will. Farefell, now, and do take care!"

"Yes, Sir. Have a good night, Chancellor."

Call disconnected at 20.21.

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"Commander."

"Index. How are things in the medbay?"

"The same as an hour ago when you last asked. All the men are doing better. It seems that since we are far enough from the original source, there should be no reason for it to get worse. Decontamination and quarantine for anyone who works at the site is still recommended, of course."

"Of course. ......how is Thorn?"

"Better. I was slightly worried as he was in the group that were most in contact with the suspect and affected area, but it seems that his symptoms have remained mild. Do you wish to talk to him? I don't think he has fallen back asleep yet-"

"No, it's alright, he should be getting rest. I can talk to him tomorrow."

"Good, as you should be getting rest as well. I don't like any of you working while you are impaired, as it only leads to more injuries."

"I know, I know. Thank you, Index. I know that you can't really leave the medbay right now, but try not to extend your shift too much. What you just said applies to you as well."

"Very well, Commander. Have a good night."

"You too, Index."

Call disconnected at 21.03.

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"....Cody. I have looked over some of the battle reports we have received from your latest campaign. The news have been slow to come in, per Separatist interference and having it be bounced around by different officials and all that, but....I hope that you are well. I know that you aren't expecting me to message you, and I do not wish to distract you in any way while you are still at the front, but before we left Kamino, I remember that you once asked me to tell you what kind of posting Coruscant would be, and I thought....

......I'm now thinking that perhaps you were just being polite, as being sent to the Capital is a lot different than being actually on the battlefield, and our assignments most likely seemed not equal to each other, and maybe you simply wished to make it sound like we were still equal. I- I'm sorry, I am putting a lot of words and thoughts onto you that you did not say, and probably did not actually even consider. You have always been a good soldier. Likeable, as it is. You were probably simply being polite.

....

It isn't like I even know what to tell you. I don't think-

...forget that, please. Coruscant has been an interesting place to be stationed in. I don't claim to understand the people in here any better now than I did six months ago, and I'm not sure if I ever will, truly. Not that it matters. It is not exactly required of any of us to understand what they are thinking and what drives their behavior in their daily lives. I don't think they even want us to understand. The better we simply shut up and do what they say, the better it is for all of us. Interesting seems to be the correct word for that, yes. It is not in my privileges to give any judgement on the people living here.

.......

............

....do you think that I'm still.....nevermind. I don't even know what I'm saying. I have a concussion. A pretty bad one, actually. It's been a long day, and I should very much be sleeping, as I've been pushing it. I'm definitely feeling it now.

........

........what am I even doing. I'm not gonna send this over, Cody has better things to think about than me rambling at him in half sentences. Stupid. I'll....I'll send the message once this is all sorted out and I can think straight.

................................

...I should go to sleep. It's just...a bit hard. Coruscant is not quiet, and neither was Kamino, and I do not miss Kamino, but I.....sometimes I wished that I could still hear it. The ocean.

.....okay, shut up now. Right. Right...Thire marked a few more files that seemed to take place around the area that we are investigating. I hasn't read them yet, and he is busy takin over some of my other duties, so I'll look them over. If there's nothing, we don't need to bother with them.

...this doesn't feel like something a soldier should be doing.

....whatever."

Audio message saved at 22.47.

[1doesnotsimplyhavejust1fandam]

Not to be delusional on main but I’m so confused about the birthmark aspect of the mom thinking Cameron was actually her baby Micah. Like. We saw the heart birthmark on Cameron, undeniably. And the mother had a whole story to tell about how she’d kiss the birthmark every night on her baby, so hello? Are we just ignoring that? I didn’t even care about the subplot much, but in terms of Bobby still being alive, it was crazy. Because the birthmark was forgotten the instant Athena told the mother she had a DNA test done. If it was just a reason for the mother to not seem like she was completely delusional, there were other ways. Ways that don’t involve a very visible birthmark on the kid (just like the very visible birthmark on the surrogate kid of the captain who is supposedly dead, and that many fans take the time to include in their art or their writing, and that is devastatingly apparent in his every scene). It could’ve been Cameron smiling exactly how the mom remembered Micah’s smile. It could’ve been a giggle that sounded like the baby laugh that Micah had (even a birthday video montage with a baby video laugh might’ve worked!!!). If it HAD to be a birthmark, it could’ve been the mother spotting what looked like a birthmark, but wasn’t always visible, and it was just a spill from the catering food (that the mom literally helped with for the party!!!) or a spot of dirt!!! Athena is in the midst of grieving her HUSBAND, any number of ways to fool her and us into believing Micah was alive could’ve been effective. They had the excuse that she wasn’t ready to mourn yet, and wasn’t thinking clearly ready-made! A heart birthmark was insane to SHOW, and then immediately forget about. Are we supposed to assume that Micah didn’t have a birthmark at all? Or that his birthmark was similar but not the same? Not even climbing the walls about this (anymore) just mad as hell because what?????

[mysimsloveaffair]

Part 1 (Collaboration with @igglemouse)

Drake swims a few laps in the pool. He’s glad that Dub invited him on this trip. Traveling and seeing more of the Sim world has always been on his to-do list, but a big part of him wishes he had more time to prepare.

Drake steps out of the pool to take a new selfie for his Cupid’s Corner profile. If Dub’s invitation wasn’t at the last minute, he could have made an appointment with his stylist to add some color to his hair - a bold purple this time and perhaps that same purple for his nails. Instead, he has to begin this vacation looking…regular.

But Dub has invited him here to serve as a glorified babysitter anyway, so none of that matters. This trip isn’t about him. He’s here to help his brother out. So that’s what he’ll do. While Dub and Maia are upstairs getting ready for their big date, Drake takes his niece Tambara to the nearby park. At least he’ll be able to see some of the city that way. 

The park is pleasant and seems a favorite among the locals and tourists. Several couples sit on the benches chatting, eating lunch, or staring at the clouds. Drake ignores them all and takes Tami to the toddler slides, which she seems to enjoy. After a few times down the slide, Tami comes up with another suggestion.

Tambara: We make caso, Unco Da. 

Drake: *chuckles* It’s uncle Dray…not Da. 

Tambara: *insistent tone* Unco Da, caso!

Drake: Caso? What’s a caso?

Tambara: San caso! We make san caso! 

It takes a minute, but when Drake thinks about it, he realizes what Tami is trying to say. 

Drake: You want to build a sandcastle? 

Tami nods with enthusiasm, practically banging her chin on her chest.

Drake: Okay, but you’d better hope we find some sand.

Dub didn’t warn him that Tami doesn’t like to be carried. Drake learns that the hard way when he picks her up and transports her in his arms around the park in search of a sandpit while she whines and struggles to be put down. 

Eventually, Drake takes the hint and puts her back on her feet in the sand. Tami is in her happy place and quickly forgives him. She grabs a bucket and uses a shovel to fill it, only to dump it all out again after it’s about half full. 

Tambara: *giggling* You build caso too! 

Tami isn’t content with him just watching. He’s going to have to get down in the sand with her. Maybe it’s a good thing he didn’t get his nails done after all.

[writer-and-artist27]

Because with the return of one bad apple at work and the upcoming advent of LB7 on NA, I had to return to dark places to write out everything.

And why not put an old friendship to rest through re-exploring the aftermath of the Extra Episode of the Lady Reines Case Files with my Grailed Pretender?

To those who were asking - you finally got the Hephaestion chapter you were asking for. REJOICE. And please thank @partialdignity, @lunarimpact, @crescentialee, @xxskaboyxx, and my real life Robin in my partner for this.

AO3 link here. OST Playlist here, with all the new songs included.

[moash]

when are they gonna release a moash pov chapter? <- delusional

[mantisgodiveblog]

Behold! Friend Art, drawn by @danspectorboy! We have successfully given them brain worms for this game through our evil liveblogging. And also brain worms for our liveblogging itself.

We are, of course, taking this opportunity to elaborate on some previously unestablished lore - or, rather, established lore not yet written on the blog, because we've been DEARLY enjoying tossing our sona mechanics at the wall while doing brainstorm-with-friends chatter. To host a god isn't a light thing, you see. Even if it's only partial. Anyways Discord screenshots, some minor chatter, and slightly more art below cut.

NECESSARY CONTEXT: The Mantis God may possess any mantis it pleases, provided that they are a mantis. This notion may be a bit "loose" - as hosts who are purely mantises, by the modern standard, may be less than ideal. The small must always struggle with being small. Ambush predators, well-developed claws and carnivorous diets, taur-like body schemes, the sorts of predators who can lay in wait for ages before striking, may be viable - being an insect will aid the chance of viability, but not ensure it. With sapient hosts, more abstract features may be key.

The Mantis God's possession will favor the cunning, the keen, the level-headed. Patience is a virtue, as well as ruthlessness - if a character can be reasonably anthromorphized as a mantis, they are likely to be viable for possession. In order to be possessable, a host must retain some resemblance of dignity, reservation, poise - though they need not keep this face at all times, "most of the time" is enough.

As such, Siffrin is not necessarily a viable host. They can be "piggybacked" on, certainly, but not fully controlled - they will remember everything that is done under possession, they may resist or refuse actions, they are fully present in their own body and simply dealing with a backseat driver rather than dealing with a "full" possession.

A partial possession, though not a full possession, does cause some physical effects - a gold tint, in the iris, or a line of gold around the edges of the pupil - but it does not cause full effects. The claws that generally indicate a host, rather than sprouting from the host's shoulderblades, will instead originate from somewhere behind them, sprouting from some unknown point outside of the field of view of the viewer. These will always end just "behind" the host, from the point of view of an observer, regardless of angle viewed, and may appear at multiple different angles with multiple observers - though whether they can be viewed at all largely depends on if an observer is the sort of person likely to be capable of viewing what's functionally just an abstraction of the possession process.

[dallonwrites]

THINK i am halfway through this chapter it just Feels Right, though based on what i know needs to happen i feel like the second half will be longer and the first half is 4.5k so like, laugh out loud !

[bitchkay]

I prefer Guys characterization in the princes path rather then his consort route

I feel like all the routes should've progressed slower tbh but with Guy in particular I feel like it would really work with a slow burn romance

Also, unrelated but MC always falls in love with her chosen consort by chapter 10 like girl you've known this man for 2 weeks

[emilyhopebunny]

I'm forcing myself not to work on composition for the rest of the evening, because I work the next few days and I need to stop getting sick every time I work a lot, because that means zero progress on composition or anything else while I'm sick.

It's great that I've got a lot of ideas and motivation right now! Unfortunately I don't have a sufficient spoon supply to keep up with all that!

[aparticularbandit]

the thing about noir posting is that now i want to go back to rewriting the noir fanfic.

that's, like, nearly 90k.

the first chapter has so many madoka references because i wrote this...nearly a decade ago.

the second chapter is a mess of i did not do the research and is also very much i don't want to do the research and is actually probably the reason i never posted it.

and the ending is a mess that i kept telling myself i would fix later and don't think i ever did.

but.

but i still want to revisit it and post it.

IT'S JUST EVERY SO OFTEN I WANT TO NOIR FIC, BESTIES.

[samzikei]

Hmmm... Something about the new shopkeep next door seems sus.

print available on etsy

on twitter

speedpaint video

extra 1 | extra 2 | Comic Part 1 | Comic Part 2 | Comic Part 3 | Comic Part 4 | Comic Part 5 | Comic Part 6 | Comic Part 7 | Comic Part 8 | MUSIC PLAYLIST | Comic Part 9 | Comic Part 10 | Comic Part 11 | Comic Part 12 | Comic Part 13 | LORE PAGE | art | art | Comic Part 14 | Interlude Part 15 |

[mysimsloveaffair]

Mariana agrees to walk with him and Tami to a nearby picnic blanket.

Mariana: I have to say, I didn't plan on having a picnic, buuuuut sometimes the best things are never planned.

Drake: Unplanned is my middle name. 

Mariana: *chuckles*

Drake: Just so you know - I won't be babysitting the entire time. I'm hoping to see more of the city-know of any good tour guides?

Drake hopes she takes the hint.

Mariana: I'd love to show you a few places here. You might need me around, at least for help with your Spanish.

Drake: That's what I hoped to hear—as long as I don't get into trouble with your husband or boyfriend. 

Another hint–Drake holds his breath.

Mariana: *laughs* Oh, you won't have to worry about that. I'm single.

They’ll have to exchange contact information if they hope to meet again. 

Drake: Are you available tomorrow? Maybe I can get your contact info, and we can set something up.

Mariana: Hmm, well, we will see about tomorrow, buuuuut sure! I think I’d like that!

Drake gives Mariana his cell so she can put in her contact info but forgets that his Cupid’s Corner profile is still open. He doesn’t realize it until he sees the shock on Mariana’s face.

Mariana: Still looking for the right one, huh? I can understand that.

If Drake could melt into the blanket, he would. He didn’t intend on anyone seeing that picture. He hadn’t even saved it yet.

Drake: *embarrassed* Uh, yeah-I don’t use that much. I just figured it wouldn’t hurt to update my pic. Maybe I should just put your number in myself. 

Drake holds his hand out, and Mariana returns the phone, reciting her number for Drake to input.

Mariana appears to be amused by the entire encounter. They both realize that it’s getting late at the same time.

Drake: Sorry for keeping you here for so long. I’m sure you had better things to do today. 

Mariana: It was so nice to meet you, and I look forward to seeing you again.

Mariana gets up to leave. Drake stares after her, hoping he’ll get to see her again. Maybe this time on an actual date.

Part 2 - coming soon!

(**Note: Mariana was created and written by @igglemouse)

[rhaenyraeri]

Co-Star Tensions - Jack O’Connell

based off this behind the scenes picture hehe

minors dni!! 18+ only!!

Part 1, Part 2, Interlude, Part 3

Summary: You and your costars were called back for some reshoots, and one night after a long day of filming, something unexpected happens.

Pairing: Jack O’Connell x fem!Reader (and technically Remmick x fem!Reader?)

Warnings: it is filth y’all, oral (m receiving), thigh riding, there be’est role play involved, some swearing, i’m not great at writing smut unfortunately

Note: this is an rpf (real person fic) so i encourage that if you don’t like that, please keep scrolling. i’ve never wrote one of these before but i felt compelled to lol. also if there are any mistakes pls let me know 🫶

The tension could, almost literally, be cut with a knife on the set. Everyone could tell, but no one would say it. They wouldn’t speak about how you and Jack had scenes just barely near each other, but you both gravitated closer. No one would dare mention how hard you locked in on him when filming the scene with vampire Bert, how he sat in the rocking chair covered in fake blood.. there was something about it. Something, dare you say, carnal, was awakening in you.

The nights you yearned to touch him, yearned to just have your hands on him, sexually or not. The nights just hoping he felt the same way. Just watching him in his element, such a talented actor and great man, having the honor to work alongside him. He just had that charm about him, and that charm resonated into Remmick. You wanted him, and you wanted Remmick. Two birds, one stone.

There were just a few nights of filming left, and the two of you had spoken earlier in the day about how sad it was to say goodbye to a wonderful cast and to people you’d grown to call friends. Some scenes needed some touch ups, and others need reshoots due to new ideas flourishing from the director.

—————

Walking past the set to your makeup artist’s camper, you noticed a figure in the dark. Leaned back in the rocking chair, in the corner of the darkened room used for a reshoot earlier that day. The light in the corner cast a slight shadow onto the figure and you stopped to get a better look. It was Jack, still dressed in the bloody Remmick costume from the scene filmed earlier with Joan and Bert. The way he looked at you after ran chills up your spine. He caught you staring from the sidelines of the crew. Tensions were already high due to your character and Jack’s being romantic partners, and having to say filthy shit to each other had you reeling, yearning for it to have meaning behind it.

“Hey baby,” he spoke, that thick southern drawl that Remmick had came out. Your mouth dropped slightly, your hands holding your belongings slowly lowering. He was staring right at you, that was meant for you. He slowly began rocking, eyes never leaving you. “You gonna come on over here, darlin’? I’ve been waitin’ for you.”

Oh, what the southern drawl did to you. You didn’t think it’d corral you into him like this but it did. That thick accent made you swoon, in and out of character. Seeing him calling out to you, and you alone, warmed you up.

“Come on now, lass. You just gonna leave ol’ Rem hangin’?”

Ah. So this is how he’s gonna be. Jack wants you, and he’s going to do it in true vampiric Remmick nature. He’s luring you in.

Realizing you’d better play the part, you close your eyes and get into character. You dropped your items and starting making your way to him.

“There she is… there’s my girl. I’ve missed you,” shaking his head slightly, still rocking in the chair. Your feet clicked against the concrete floor almost antagonizingly slow, your eyes never left his, and you felt your body heat up. Crossing onto the wood, the change of energy set the mood. There he was, still covered in that fake blood from earlier, dripping right over his face and down his neck. The lights of the set were all either off or dim, save for this one hanging overhead. Just enough to hit him like a spotlight.

“I’m sorry, Remmy. I didn’t mean to make you wait on me. Are you upset at me, baby?,” you spoke to him. You could watch as those words made every hair on him stand up, the gulp traveled down his throat, and his hand gripped the armrest. His foot started to shake a little. You put on those big puppy dog eyes your character has when she looks at her lover. Slowly, you stepped closer and closer to him, walking behind the chair and putting your hands on his shoulders. You leaned down to his neck, right beside his ear and said, “I’m here now, baby. Did you need somethin’?”

“I just missed you, darlin’. Missed your touch, your voice… your face. Lord, that face of yours,” he admired as a hand reach beside him and held your cheek. The tension you two had all lead up to this moment. You took your hand and ran it up his arm and over his that was placed on your face, locking your fingers into his. Taking your other hand off of his shoulder, you walked in front of him, and used your free hand to touch his face in return.

“You’ve made a mess, Rem. But you look just as handsome as always.”

“Nah, darlin’, this ain’t no mess. A mess is what you’ve made me into, and I think you know just how to clean it up.”

Did you? Did he want you to touch him? Fuck him? Be with him? This is all new to you, this role playing thing. Not to mention it being with a man you’ve admired for so long, and just hoped that one day you’d be able to have him this way. This was your chance to finally have what you wished for.

Your eyes left his, scanning down his body in that outfit that made you an unstable wreck, and stopped at his pants. Smirking, you nodded, and stood between his now open legs. He took his free hand and grabbed your waist, bringing you closer to him. His body was practically calling out to you, you could feel how badly he wanted you, and he could feel you the same way. You bit your lip, and got on your knees.

“Oh, Rem. You got this worked up over me? I can’t just let you suffer, can I, my love?”

He gulped hard, biting his lip and hardening his lock on you.

“Nah, I don’t think that’d be very kind of you.”

“I didn’t think it would.”

Your hand left his face, running down his neck, chest, then stomach, and finally ending at his suspenders and pants. Your fingers got to work fast on his buckles and buttons, as you wanted him more than you could imagine. You wanted to taste him. You were going to. That was certain between the two of you.

Pulling off his pants and underwear in one movement, they fell to his ankles. He was hard for you. Thinking about how you walked on the set each day, head held so high and you were so passionate about your work. So passionate about the project.. about your characters. About him, he wished.

You kissed his tip, making sure to keep that eye contact. A guttural moan left him and you felt your heart flutter with pride, excitement, and admiration for the man in front of you. Your right hand came down to wrap around him, moving it up slowly, taking in what you’re about to do to him. Stroking him for a few more moments, you grew impatient. You wanted the taste of him, and you wanted the feeling of having the man you’ve pined over for months in you finally. Leaning back down, you opened your mouth and ran your tongue down the length of his dick. Stopping at the top after a few times of going up and down, you sucked, letting your tongue roam around him. You hummed against him, the sensation making him let another low, sexy moan out. Your head began to bob up and down, and your cheeks hollowed out as you went as far as you could. Your eyes closed, humming as you sucked on him. You felt his hand trace your jaw and entangle itself into your hair, grabbing a loose fist full of it and guiding you.

Deciding it was enough, he used his grip on your hair to pull you off him, and got a good look at your face. Your eyes filled with lust met his eyes, matching the same level of desire that you had.

“Stand up, I want you to try somethin’ out for me,” he said, breath shaky, as he ran his hands up your costume dress, and pulled your underwear down, “good, now we’re even.”

He put a hand on your waist, guiding you down to his thigh, using his grip to rock you back and forth over it. You grabbed his shoulder with one hand, and the top of the chair with other, now guiding yourself across with his assistance still being used.

“Oh, yeah. You like that, huh? Grindin’ on my thigh all desperate like. ‘Cause that’s what you are, desperate, right?” That drawl invoked a loud and, like he said, desperate moan from you, right into his ear. The hand on his shoulder now gripped his hair, holding him closer to you.

“I saw you watching me from the sidelines. You wanted me so bad, now you’ve got me. This is what you wanted, right? You’ve made me a damn mess, girl.”

His façade as Remmick was now gone, and it was his pure intentions coming out of him. That accent change damn near made you release then and there, but you were too lost in the feeling of his warm thigh against your pussy as you took out your sexual yearning on it. His other hand ran between your body and his, rubbing your clit, and he took his fingers to his mouth. He made sure to get your eyes to look into his as he savored your arousal. The fake blood mixed into his mouth a little as he finally got a taste of the beauty before him.

“You couldn’t be the only one that got a little taste, huh, darling?”

That was enough to get you off, and you came hard onto him. His moans from seeing you getting yourself off to a part of him that wasn’t even sexual filled your ears as you moaned into his ear, wrapping your arms around his neck as you came down from your high. You stayed like this for a few minutes until you both calmed down. You raised up, running a hand over his chest before placing it around his heart.

“You’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted you. Not even just like this, you know? You’re special, you’re beautiful. Absolutely perfect. D’you want to go out sometime? Properly get to hang out?”

You smiled, nodding along with the idea.

“I’d love to. I hoped for so damn long that you felt that way, too, you handsome devil.”

“Handsome vampire, get it right.”

You giggled, leaning in to give him a kiss.

“Oh, and for future reference, just know that was hot as fuck.”

“Duly noted, love.”

[tritoch]

the other thing I find very funny about trying to write a canon compliant wol is taking all the wolship hints extremely seriously.

I don't really wolship because I'm just fundamentally not that kind of fan. But I know for those who are, the sheer number of romance hints FFXIV throws at you can be overwhelming to parse in a context where you have a preferred/intended wolship, particularly if you're not attracted to the gender the hints are coming from in the first place (a particular tip of the hat to wlw fans navigating the g'raha of it all). I've seen plenty of people write around them or write them out or be like "no aymeric was for real inviting my wol to a nice platonic zero-subtext dinner," and God bless all of you.

But it's really funny to imagine them all as all-too-real but unreciprocated or perhaps unreciprocatable. The sheer scale of it is comedy. Spoilers for all of FFXIV follow.

Oh God, the Lord Speaker wants to have dinner, just the two of us, at his family estate and not a government building. I hope he doesn't bring up his crush on me. Thal's balls he's about to bring it up—oh thank God there's an emergency. Oh no someone got hurt! Oh no it's the teenage girl with a crush on me.

Your life is a cosmic joke. You watch the Sultana get poisoned and all your friends probably die to save your life and it's kind of all your fault in some ways, I mean at the very least you should've spoken up when they gave the teenager a private army, and then the teenage boy speaks up and is like, "hey, I guess we have at least one ally. What about if we go visit that guy who is really obviously down unbelievably bad for you and wants to lick the sweat off of you." and you have to be like, yeah, Alphinaud. Great idea. Let's do it. I'll call him.

(brief interlude: also haurchefant's DEATH hits so good if you don't reciprocate. It's okay. He gets it. You're going through a lot and even if you had time to sort through your feelings maybe you're just not into him. That would be okay! You can love someone, or the idea of someone, without needing it to be romantically reciprocated. That's chivalric, even. Knightly. So he won't ask you to lie to him and say you love him as he lies dying in your arms. He's not so low as all that. But could you smile for him as you used to? That true hero's smile of yours. And you do, and he dies. And you both know he died for a lie, in a way, or a flight of fancy. And he's okay with that. Are you? Should you be? Should he?)

Then you're into Stormblood and it's like wow, okay. That last part was all high fantasy, of course there were loyal knights and elegant princes. But this is war. Imperialism. Grim business, surely there's no way—oh no BOTH handsome young revolutionary leaders seem to have a special interest in you?! And so does the Crown Prince of the Empire? Come on, man. I should get to do the whole horrors of war thing without having to also deal with this. Gaius sucked and it was weird that he let his foster daughter run around being openly obsessed with him but at least he never made it my problem.

You can't even get away from it across dimensions. Shadowbringers is a horror story about going on a teambuilding camping trip with your work colleagues for some reason except they all suddenly got really hot and they keep touching you affectionately on the shoulder and being like "I care for you and your happiness. Truly." And also you're being stalked for the whole camping trip by two old men who are obsessed with you. The false climax of the story is that the one old man tries to betray you and give a dramatic monologue about how he loves you but the two of you are doomed by the narrative and then the other old man shoots him in the back like "no actually its MY turn to betray them and give a dramatic monologue about how our love is doomed by the narrative." Then the real climax is old man #1 backstabbing old man #2 in the middle of said monologue before old man #2 dies and gives ANOTHER wistful monologue about his doomed love. Then for the patches they're like okay so we have this even CRAZIER old man who's gonna strike when you're weak and give a dramatic monolo—

and that's without even getting into the literal soulmate ghost only you can see

my warrior of light never felt more betrayed than in that scene where Y'shtola is like "haha Alisaie and G'raha have crushes on the warrior of light." Like I thought we were COOL, Y'shtola! I work here! This situation is already in such a delicate balance! Right when I got here I met Alisaie's "friend from work" who was like oh haha so YOU'RE the one she can't stop talking about and we never followed up on that because the woman died horrifically like five minutes later right in front of us! Then when Vauthry got away and we had to do all that shit with the dwarves, G'raha kept pausing every ten minutes to be like oooooh I'm so old I'm gonna die soon...at least I got to spend some time with some people who are really important to me...in fact here's what I'd tell the person who's most important to me...actually u know them really well haha. And I just had to sit there and be like wow, dude, crazy.

even in the face of apocalypse you still gotta go back in time like 12,000 years and there's somewhere there who makes you sit and listen to his story which is that the purpose of his whole godlike immortal life was to be in a throuple with you and old man #2 from the camping trip. and you just gotta sit there the whole time knowing you/your past life is the one who broke up the throuple over politics. He's like come help me harangue the old man into streaking in public, he'll do it if you ask.

then you meet and fight and kill God and you gotta turn to the team and be like hey sorry guys can you give me a sec. I'm gonna call God by her real name because we met one time for like four days and after that the promise of meeting me again was one of the things that sustained her through her millennia of suffering. Not like that but like. Idk. Just gimme a sec!

It's a relief when you finally get to Lahabrea and he's like actually I still don't fuck with your vibe. Like thank GOD.

And my WoL is very obviously dad-shaped so Dawntrail had a very specific energy for me but I understand that for plenty of people your deepening rapport with Wuk Lamat had a romantic subtext (same for Koana depending on how you read a few of his lines). And personally I think it's the height of comedy to be like, noooo, babe, your highness, I know you and your brother the king are in love with me and want me to stick around and support you emotionally through this governmental transition haha. But it's just...the cursed wineglass, babe. I GOTTA go figure out what's up with this cursed wineglass.

It's a running gag in some of the more optional content that people are like "you have an unreasonable number of hobbies and side gigs" to the WoL from time to time. But if every time you tried picking up a new hobby some new elf started baring their soul to you, you too would be like Hey Jessie (or sometimes Krile or Tataru), my good friend who is one of the only people in my life who knows what professional ethics and work-life boundaries are, any chance you need muscle on a gig on the other side of the world? Ideally with only Cid and his ex so all libidinal energy in the room is directed towards machinery or someone who isn't me?

ironically one of the only places you get a break from psychosexual obsession is the nier content