#it hasnt even been that long since then& yet i feel like id get my ass beat for it nowadays w how ppl act

[proxythe]

i havent posted in a thousand years but ive been so annoyed recently bc i feel like i keep seeing things in fandom about trans hcs where people will just complain about any and all trans hcs bc “but its literally not canon?” “theres no proof/evidence of this??” “why do u hc this character as trans it doesnt make any sense?”

who cares? idk when we got to the point where hcs have to make sense at all lmao. most of my trans hcs will have come from something about the character within canon, but i make trans hcs simply for fun as well. i obviously have no problem when people do either one, and i have no idea why people even care.

& on top of that, when people do begrudgingly accept a trans hc, they have such strict guidelines on how your trans character must look/act & what theyre allowed to do. why do we always forget not every trans person will look the same? or feel the same way about themselves or their body? youre genuinely not allowed to do anything in fandom anymore lmfao and especially not with trans hcs its so fucking frustrating omfg

[sisterlybloodoath]

One thing I fantasize about a lot would be accidentally coming across someone killing somebody else. Not in affect. But like a serial killer or smth. Maybe someone that hasnt had their thrill in a while and got a bit sloppy and took a higher risk than usually, so decided to make their kill on a dimly lit street at night that rarely has anyone passing by at this hour, no houses around for miles. Silence.

Just standing there, frozen w/ shock and arousal at the scene, seeing someone beat someone to dead, not even cutting them, slicing them up or elegantly torturing them..... just some kind of raw, primal aggressive urge that hasnt been vented in to long and therefore has derformed into something much less savoury and controlled. Hearing the sound of bones cracking, gargling, begging. The helplessness of the victim up until it passes out & then stops moving altogether.

Considering to quietly sneak away since its dark out and maybe I havent been spotted yet, knowing it would be the wiser, smarter thing to do, but somehow just continiung to look....... the arousal maybe getting the better of me, arguing it away as fear, telling myself its not my fault im not leaving, I simply cant help it, im to afraid. No, its not because the sight is making me wet, or because my heart is beating faster and I get the urge to come closer to get a better look - no, that would be disgusting, right?

Finally, the inviteable, the murderer looks at me - sees my rough outlines, sees me just standing there.

I dont move.

He doesnt move.

I should run. But I dont.

"Can I see? Can you show me what their corpse looks like right now?"

Both a healthy amount of fear, and an unhealthy amount of sincere arousal in my voice.

"Sure, why dont you step into my van?"

I croak out a bitter laugh. "Yeah...... right. right....." Shifting from right foot to left foot.

Deciding that my arousal does not justify risking my actual life and then finally making the grand decision to try to run, turning on my heels and running into the direction I came from - my feet hitting the asphalt loudly.

Before being tackled to the ground and making violent impact with the ground beneath me, then being thrown over his shoulders and carefully carried back into the van.

Skull-numbing pain from the rough impact rocking thru me, maybe even bleeding a little bit from the forehead, but just some scrapped skin, nothing major.

"So? You wanted to take a look?"

Him turning the light back on inside the van so I get an ever better look.

Just seeing the smashed up face of the victim up close, their mouth turned into one big gaping hole revealing teeth where cheek should be. Eyes blurring together into a soulless mass thats been throughly destroyed.

Looking back at him in total silence. Uncertain on what to say or how to behave now, if to express any of the thoughts of arousal shooting through my brain, or if to pretend to be entirely innocent and scared - honestly neither options would sound like theyd give me an actual shot at surviving at that point. But id be scrambling, panicking.

His eyes looking at me emotionlessly, almost like I wasnt really present to him.

"So? What do you think of my work?" Hed ask with that slightly impatient tone.

My eyes would dart back to the still very much opened outside of the van, the dimly lit street ...

".... Well you looked... pretty pent up when you killed them. You went at it for ... several minutes. It looked.. -"

Hed cut me off "So you watched it? You stood there and watched? Instead of trying to escape... early.. you just watched? Why?" His eyes would run over my body more seriously now, considering if it had been fear, if my question had been a weak ploy to try to get him to humanize me, or whether..

"... Look. I dont know you. I dont know what you want to hear. I could tell you exactly what went through my head, but somehow I feel.. like if I say something you dont like much, ill wind up dead."

Hed tilt his head "But if you dont say anything, I could also get upset and kill you. You might as well try it with the truth. Or.. you could of course try to appease me one final, last time.. and never know whether I wouldve liked the truth better."

.. Id scrunch my hands together, it doesnt really seem like hed let me survive, anyways, given even now I was fully seeing his unclothed face, to close, knowing to much, really.

I might as well be honest, at that point. Id agree with him.

"I guess.. Id like to say it was just fear, but.. I liked seeing the persons pain, hearing it - and .. I guess the way you went at them.. had something very primal yet practiced about it. You two.. just kinda blended together into the practice of someone killing and someone.. being killed."

Id mumble under my breath, voice quiet but steady, breathing slightly aroused.

".. I guess it turned me on."

Hed grin in this off-putting yet almost sincere way. "I cant tell whether youre lying to me or not, but if thats your honest answer.. we could arrange for you to survive. But if you did lie, you wont make it long."

One long last stare back to the outside of the van.

I should try to run away. I should get up. Id get tackled down within two seconds, but I should do it just to prove im trying to get out of this situation.

"Dont get me wrong....... Surviving sounds good. But I dont know you either. Precisely."

"Youd get to know me, whether you want to or not. Say. You know theres really only two options here : I take you with me or I kill you. I might even let you choose."

Id take a deep breath. "I.. look." Dont tell him youre not sure surviving with him would be preferable over dying, dont tell him youre scared of pain, dont tell him youre not a masochist. Dont show fear.

"Oh." Hed exclaim. "No, I got that. You want to hurt people. You dont wanna get hurt. I got that. Im just saying I could keep you, own you, bring you home. You wouldnt have to suffer, really. Youd just have to be... honest. Loyal. Not try any bullshit that would force me to cut your throat."

Id nod silently, solemnly, almost obediently. Trapped.

He sounded almost hopeful there.

".... I dont.. know you.. like that.. but... sure..... as long as I dont end up in some fucking basement."

"No, I could build you a pretty room give you a long chain round your ancles, you could have your own TV, pretty new clothes. I dont need everyone around me to suffer. I think it would be nice... just to have someone that knows around."

"And then..?"

"Well, I would of course wanna test how deep that sadism runs. Id want to know whether youd be as aroused when I killed him if you did it yourself. And you know, if youre in that deep.. I might even trust you."

That sounded like a complete and utter lie. Both to good to be true, and also to disgusting for me to want it to be true.

Id take one final look outside the van, feel a sort of disgust well up in me, hearing my ears ring - everything feeling blurry. Nauseauting. My blood circulation not keeping up with the shock I was currently experiencing.

Not a good state to try running again in.

"Hey, I can treat you better than youd expect. You dont really have to look *this* horrified. Part of you wants this. Theres a reason you didnt run whilst you stil had a chance. Its fine. If you dont fuss I wont tie you up on the drive back, how would that be? Starting to build some trust early, if you let me."

My eyes would wander back to the corpse sitting between us. Literally the only thing giving me physical distance was this mauled corpse with its smashed in head. Id look at it. A thing of beauty.

"...I dont really have a choice anyways, do I?" Id sigh, still trying to shake of the gut-wrenching fear.

"You very much had a choice, you already said 'yes'. And you.. really dont get to take that back. But thats good. If you had build me up like this just to let me down, I definitively wouldve killed you in a very painful way. But now you get to have a life with me, isnt that great?"

Id slowly nod again.

"... You better make true on actually treating me well then." Id whisper.

Id shift around and clumsily climb onto the seat next to the drivers seat.

"Good. I will. If you let me."

[the-s1lly-corner]

This may be specific but I also think it would be kind of cute

Okay so Eyeless Jack x reader who is like pretty intimidating looking and always keeps a stoic expression on and also really tall

Then he gets to know them and it's like "Oh you're not scary, just ✨️traumatised✨️" because they only show emotions to those they trust

Like they will glare at someone who said something mean then be all lovey dovey to Jack but still a little reserved cause they're still new to the whole "wow someone actually loves me"

Could you make 2 versions? One being platonic and the other being romantic (also reader just straight up denying that Jack is insecure cause how could he? He's the definition of perfection in their eyes)

Eyeless Jack x stoic!reader whos sweet to him (?)

i must admit it took me a little while to think of some ideas for this prompt, my apologies for the delay </3 i also wasnt too sure what to title this TToTT but regardless i hope you enjoy this! even through the struggle for ideas, i gotta admit, this idea is adorable esp since i personally write jack to be more self loathing mainly written as platonic but there is a segment at the end for romantic hcs ! easier than to write two separate full fledged sections!

uhuh light CW for implied SH on ejs part since the admin thinks that while jack is slowly descending into his whole.. demon thing hes physically and mentally fighting with himself to remain lucid; nothing explicitly written but id rather be safe than sorry

honestly i think it might take him a good hot minute to really let you treat him like hes deserving of anything more than a scowl, especially if he sees how you act around other people... because why him, of all people? there are people better for you

yet he doesnt stop you from coming to his cabin in the woods, he doesnt stop you from doing some work around the place so its safer and more habitable for him, he doesnt stop you from patching up his clothing and washing them. why doesnt he stop you? he knows he doesnt deserve it...

he almost hates the way you look at him sometimes, if you look at him with pity. like hes some lost dog needing someone to take care of him

he doesnt need help, hes been doing this whole thing by himself for a long time now and he hasnt needed anyone

and yet

he doesnt push you away when you go in to clean his face after a particularly nasty fight with himself

you even run a warm bath for him

its been so long since hes been warm

i like to think that he tries to seek you out when you dont come to visit him for a few days.. did something happen to you? were you hurt? sick? did someone do something to you? did you move away? where did you go...?

wont ever admit it but i think hes at least a little starved for a connection, sure hes a hermit and he was already closed off before he started turning into this man eating monster, but deep down he still has his human roots in there kicking, and humans thrive on connections... in the truest sense, he needs you. not sexually or carnally or romantically, he just needs someone to talk to him to keep him from going truly mad

finds himself thinking about you more than hed like to admit, even if he doesnt have any romantic feelings for you hes going to beat himself up. he came here to his silly little cabin in the woods to get away from people for everyones sake; only coming out when he needs to 'hunt'

its like befriending a stray cat, i think. they hiss and swipe at first but overtime they try to cuddle up to you if you give them enough time to build up that trust

admin likes to think he has pointed ears, and i think that they would twitch a little if he sees a smile forming on your face...

as for romantics....

i think he would look at where you walked off to, to go home... longing, almost daring himself to go after you or say something because he cant stand spending another night alone in the woods

leaves you gifts, anonymously, but leaving them none the less. if you ask if he was the one who left them hes not going to admit it, you can imply that you know it was him, but he will hold firm in his denial

building off of the ear idea, he totally gives himself away when he starts blushing... he looks like the type to have his blush reach his ears... not too mention the flicks dont make it any less discrete,,,

even he doesnt notice it, but he tries to make excuses for you to stay around longer during hang out sessions, stopping just short of offering to watch the grass grow

i think this would feed into his self loathing, though. in my eyes, jack was dragged into a human sacrifice unwillingly and unknowingly. his life was robbed away from him, he was robbed of ever having a normal life with you... you deserve better, he thinks. very heavy shit, you know? i think it leads to his mental state being even worse than before

god i had intentions of going into this with fluff but this just came out angstier than my middle school ocs TToTT

[correctproseka]

no clue whats happening on the jp server (im out of the loop on purpose)

but i was looking at the event list because i wanted to see if we were actually starting mizuki's arc like we all assumed with bake no hana/ominous tolling of the bells

and not only do the two most recent niigo events seem focused on mafuyu again but the one that they started today seems focused on a bigger part of mafuyus story

and i have mixed feelings about it

n25 has so many deep/complex stories and struggles that i personally feel we're not taking enough time to explore, i was really excited for mizukis arc beside, her being my oshi aside, i was excited to finally see a different characters perspective and struggles and a deeper look into their story so we can start to see the other girls start healing too

i assumed like everyone else that mafuyu would step out of the spotlight to let mizuki have a few months of focus where everyones focus events just tie into mizuki because thats what we've been doing with mafuyu for the better portion of this games airing

but with the most 2 recent events being focused on deep mafuyu lore, again, (and i only have the brief summary on the wiki, so i could be wrong) i dont know if theyre going back to focusing on fuyu or if they couldnt find a way to make a mafuyu story that did fit into mizukis story (you know, the way that I nandesu and kitty both are ena or mizuki comms/focus events but the story still revolves around mafuyu, same with samsa) which if true is another issue on its own

but mainly idk i feel we've spent enough time on mafuyu for now and maybe this is a short overlap to tie up loose ends in his story or maybe its to show that more than one group mate can struggle at a time but colopale doesnt have a good track record and i dont trust it

this is in no way hate for mafuyu hes one of my faves too it just doesnt feel fair, enas art struggles get handled so passively but i know theres more to her and idk i am the rain made me feel we were just gonna prematurely wrap that up and kanade hasnt dealt with her deeper issues at all yet and almost 4 or 5 years into the game i wanna see more. so much gets hinted at and then completely ignored and i just want everyones story to feel complete and everyones problems/trauma to be not only heard of or hinted at but actually properly explored and resolved and its not fair that (again, to me, with limited knowledge) mafuyu is the only one to have that so far

we dont know how long we'll have this game after all

-rambler anon

Ok, not to say i disagree rn, just to explain a little thing

Mizuki's arc didnt start in Mizu5. It ended in Ena5. It started all the way back with Id Smile, it was a Mizuena focused arc as much as Ena's arc is usually within herself.

Meanwhile, it needs the entirety of niigo to "save" Mafuyu, Kanade can't do it alone (girly can't even save herself, differently from Ena).

What i thought they would do since Mafuyu run away is, for the second half of the game, to focus on Kanade, because her issues are quite literally killing her. But not much has happened yet. I figured they needed to almost finish Mafuyu's story up before.

That being said, i got the summary of this event by now, and I can't say im mad towards the direction its going. There was NOT a true forgiveness and trust, just a "we could try", which did not work because both mafumom and mafuyu need help, Mafumom to understand what she is doing and Mafuyu to understand that it is not her fault. As i assumed before the event, mafumom would fuck up again, its a habit, and those are hard to break.

I just wish they focus on Kanade more soon.

Also, one thing i wish they focused more before finishing Mizuki's arc: the reason why niigo is so focused on helping Mafuyu. There is no niigo without all of them, niigo would break without Mafuyu, but it would also break without Mizuki, so id love to have had an event showcasing that when Mizuki disappeared.

That being said, it is progressing on a satisfying way if you end up reading the stories, its just. Very slow. Not the worst writing in the game but they could try doing it a little better, yeah, such as, how you said: make kanamafu actually aware of mizuenas issues. Those two have the emotional intelligence of a wall I swear.

And we're about in the middle of the game, but as all units i see (but vbs, what is vbs doing) are starting to slow down their progression (example, leoni with Saki starting to hint she doesn't want to go pro) ((note: i am not aware of what wxs is doing bc they're my least favorite unit, so i could be wrong)) i think itll take a bit over 4 more years to finish.

[danielnelsen]

answers to rook questions from @argentleif, thanks!!!!!!

brief backstory of my rook first, particularly to explain my answer to the first question: he was raised qunari and became saarebas. he was travelling somewhere in mainland thedas with his arvaarad and they got attacked (maybe by darkspawn, but it doesnt really matter). his arvaarad died, but he was rescued by a grey warden who was manning a largely inactive outpost alone. the warden helped him recover and also encouraged him to find his own path, and they were there together for a few years. eventually rook decided to become a warden himself. he still considers himself qunari but knows that it's not technically true

answers below the cut

2. How did Rook get the nickname? What do they think of it?

ok this is the one ive probably been doing the most thinking about and im kinda between two answers

so, first option: when he picks his new name (because he's now a grey warden, rather than saarebas), it's something that can get shortened to rook. im currently delving into qunlat, trying to get a grasp on the language, and seeing if i can come up with something. i dont know if this will work, but i do still plan to find him a qunlat name that works for being a warden, regardless

second option: in my current qunari research, i read 'the straight path', which is a qunari children's story that definitely contains the type of values he tries to adhere to. maybe he gets into chess with his warden pal and then talks about that story and following the straight path and the warden's like "oh like the rook!" idk. i think that's sweet

4. Which faction did they join, and why? How long has it been?

they grey wardens for the reasons above. from the way his interactions have gone so far in-game, id say he hasnt been a warden for very long, maybe a few years. it's probably only been about 5 years since he met that warden; maybe 3 years staying with them, and then 2 as a proper warden himself

10. Does Rook know their history? Do they know of the HoF, Hawke, the Inquisitor?

prior to becoming a warden, he would have heard of hawke because the qunari invasion of kirkwall would have caused a huge stir, especially after it was disavowed by the arigena and ariqun. he probably didnt hear much, if anything, about the mage-templar war, though. he likes reading, so maybe he's read the tale of the champion since meeting varric

he would have learned about the hof as a grey warden. my hof also has an office or something at weisshaupt, so they've probably briefly met. similarly, he would have heard of the inquisitor in relation to the wardens and also the concerns about corypheus and a potential archdemon during all that. he was still saarebas during the events of inquisition, though, so he wouldnt have had any direct involvement

15. What’s the first thing people notice when Rook enters a room?

not to make absolutely everything about the fact that he's qunari, but... the fact that he's qunari lmao. it's pissing me off that nobody in-game reacts to it, especially given the qunari are one of the main antagonist factions

16. Got any tattoos? What’s the story behind them?

idk why im drawing a blank about whether i gave him any tattoos in cc..... but i didnt have his backstory planned then, so the proper answer is no, i think

17. How’d Rook get those scars?

he was a qunari living in seheron for a while (before becoming saarebas). even though he wasnt part of the antaam, he would have encountered plenty of hostility. i gave him the lightning tattoos because they looked cool, so i imagine he got into a fight with some tevinters. i feel his magic would have manifested in response to some sudden dangerous conflict, so maybe that's when it happened

i also gave him top surgery scars just because i could, but i dont think those would be canon for him. ive been constructing a whole qunari gender theory but it's still heavily in the works so im not going into that yet

28. Does Rook have any pets/animal companions?

nope :(

30. What is Rook’s class? Did they choose it?

he's a mage, so definitely didnt choose it! prior to gaining his magic, he wasnt a fighter, so he would never have become any other class otherwise

42. Something Rook regrets:

he doesnt tend to have regrets. he truly believes in the philosophy of the qun and finding stillness, which helps him make good decisions and also accept the decisions that he makes

he probably regrets not doing more to save his arvaarad because his life has been a bit of a mess since then, but he's trying to make the most of it

45. Who was Rook’s closest friend before joining the Veilguard?

that one warden, i guess. i havent thought about his friendships before becoming saarebas, and while he was saarebas he didnt really have friends, but he had a pretty peaceful relationship with his arvaarad, which is probably the closest he got. once he joined the wardens, he had a lot of trouble making friends because he was still trying to get the hang of human culture

[fraener]

2/16/25

have felt low this last week. didnt quit yet, thinking i might like to stay if i dont have to interact with g that much. but hes texting me stupid questions and passive aggressive remarks still and im sure hes patting himself on the back for being so accommodating. i should probably still go. strange dreams and disturbances, an odd full moon full of anxiety and superstition. h worked insanely long hours and i spent valentines alone at home finishing out the linocut i was working on, pulled the last proofs around 11 and ate an apple and some cheese before going to sleep. had a stress dream about having too many lovers and feeling burnt out. in my waking life im feeling burnt out by love, or desire, or courtship or whatever. no interest anyone takes in me these days feels genuine or firm. i went to shady's show last night and coincidentally saw p play the drums. i tried not to watch him. i think it would be serendipitous if it had not been so depressing. he said he was going to drive me home and then moments after with no explanation or information about whether he was coming back left to drive s somewhere. i think ive decided since thats the second or third time hes offered me something and taken it away in favor of s when she doesnt even necessarily want or need it tells me all i need to know about him. hes not interested in being close with anyone else, or maybe more that he isnt interested in anyone else relying on him or wanting anything from him. god, it all feels trying in a way i cant parse out. no word back from r in a month or so, maybe more. maybe hes lost interest now that he met me in person. i think it was clear i cared too much what he thought and that put a damper on things. i want to clear all this out of my house and mind, i want to be able to use my time for myself more. shady sung a song they wrote about babettes feast with a line like "i cry every time that i see it for all of themselves that they gave away." feeling tired of giving things away...and h called me and burst into tears this morning and i still dont really know why. hes tired and lonely, he hasnt been this overworked or isolated in a long time. i wonder if hell ever understand hes much closer now to knowing what my life has most often been like. i feel sorry for him because he knows that i shouldnt have done anything differently and does not know what he wants but does know that it hurts. im not sure how to comfort him in a way that would be satisfying. he didnt want to keep talking on the phone with me though and was partly crying about how i didnt want to have sex right now. i feel tired, too. i feel really, really tired and i just want to have the energy to do the shopping and cut my hair and go to work at 3. id also like a bath, i feel cold on a deeper level than a shower could fix i think. but it might just be that i choose one or the other, and it might just be a shower and no haircut after all. keep running into w places and finally got their number proper. they texted this morning "it was nice to run into you last night"....maybe i see where this goes now too. i do have a bit of a crush on them but i feel a little wigged about getting involved with other students of c.b. and other people interested in magic...at least i know h wouldnt have any objections since their dick is detachable and theyre the type of person hed think he could get in on with, too.

[dandansposts]

trans did vergil wrt nero below cut baybey!!!!!!!

tl;dr vergil knows he has a kid but hasnt seen that kid since he was a newborn by dmc5. v feels like theyre more entitled to being nero's parent than anyone else in the system for reasons

let us get some basics out of the way. vergil is trans, he's asexual, and he has DID according to me. i also think he's autistic. also according to me, eva was a witch and while she did teach both her sons how to use magic as a sort of companion activity to sparda training them in combat, vergil was the one who really took to it; dante for the most part didn't have the attention span for the kind of book learning needed to learn the ins and outs of magic. he can do some basics, has taught himself some things as he's aged, but doesn't really consider himself to be a witch. (witch being a gender neutral term here)

vergil, on the other hand, hyperfixated on it even after eva died, though from there it would have become more v's thing than anyone else's. v considers themself as well as the system as a whole to be a witch, but there's some discrepancies between alters based on opinions on eva and degree of attachment to her memory. (v's a total mama's boy (gender neutral) and i wont be argued w about it. source of strife btwn them and vergil. delicious)

i'm going off my headcanons so i will be including nelo angelo in this, as well as altered pronouns from canon, so

pronoun list:

v: they/them

vergil: he/him

griffon: he/him

shadow: she/her

nightmare: it/its

nelo angelo: he/him

nero: he/they

dante: he/him

vergil system collective pronouns: they/he

yeah im an enby nero truther as well and what of it.

basic summary of events leading up to nero's conception is this:

vergil is in his late teens. he is attempting to transition via magic though this is entirely homebrewed, entirely a spell of his/v's own making, and entirely untested

this backfires horrifically, almost killing them in the process. the ramifications of this leave them physically weak and as we all know this is unacceptable.

prior to this the plan to raise the temen ni gru is already in the works but this just spurs them on. weak, recovering slowly bc as previously stated they nearly killed themself, they head to fortuna looking for information; if you're gonna find anything on ancient demon towers and hell gates its gonna be in the dusty church basement libraries of thee sparda cult id think.

i have 2 branching theories here but the end result is pretty much the same and results in them getting pregnant and carrying baby nero to term. theory one is Unpleasant and i'm going to leave it at that but theory 2 is a sex for information type dealie. makes more sense to me for vergil to view sex as a largely transactional thing and not really have a problem with using it to get info. given that he kinda, y'know, is an orphan and i imagine hasnt had any sex ed, i'm really operating under the assumption that he doesnt really know where babies come from? or at the very least isnt fully aware that this is a risk.

demon baby proceeds to wreak havoc upon an already very weak vergil; abortion attempts are made but are unfruitful. information quest continues despite this.

to make a long story short v is the alter who's most present at nero's birth; they're the one who first lays eyes on this baby, they're the one who holds him, who cleans him, who has a horrible little panic attack wherever the fuck this happens bc what in the fuck tbh. i imagine here, vulnerable and tired and extremely weak, they see Baby and theyre like oh.... youre small and defenseless and yet you have caused me so many problems.... my baby now

power quest takes precedent, nero is abandoned in fortuna days after being born. v later claims to have been against this but at the time would have agreed that power comes first; how else are you going to protect yourself or your baby when you're a heavily traumatized half demon teen dad

raising the temen ni gru becomes a pretty much suicidal endevour from here. it's stupid and dangerous and will probably end with them dying awful and bloody but they've just experienced true weakness; it's power and therefore safety and stability or death. canon pretty much happens from here.

now. i have done a lot of world building on witches in my dmc headcanons and am SO willing to talk about it but the necessary information here is the ability to practice witchcraft is generally inherited mother to daughter (strictly in the biological sense) as it was a gift bestowed upon human priestesses by demons prior to sparda cutting the human and demon worlds off from each other. eva's family goes waaaaaay the fuck back as the original priestesses of sparda's family line. vergil and dante both inherit this ability but crucially so does nero, despite the fact that according to me he is for all intents and purposes amab. chalk this up to either nero being intersex or vergils fuckshit genetics messing with things. either way, nero inherits this ability. or if you are taking my ideas and running with it, which by all means please do, and you decide he's a trans man, that literally works lkke i dont care all that you need to know here is nero inherits the ability to preform witchcraft from vergil.

a very good friend of mine has allowed me to bounce ideas off him and has given me many ideas so should i talk about neros witchcraft at any point, a lot of the credit for the ideas goes to him.

and if he is reading this and would like me to credit him for his baller ideas he should dm me on discord but ANYWAY.

i am now going to breakdown how each alter relates to nero. i feel its worth it to note that no matter what happened in fortuna to create nero, the whole pregnancy was probably pretty traumatic and dysphoria enducing.

as i'm sure most DID havers and systems can tell you, interpersonal relationships when you are like this can get wildly complicated. you're balancing differing opinions and outlooks and gut reactions and it can be really difficult! so it follows, to me at least, that vergil & co have a very complicated relationship w/ their kid post DMC5 and just. super complicated feelings about nero In General.

vergil

now, vergil has extremely limited experience with people and a very narrow, very warped view of what family means. he also has a massively warped moral compass and tends to put self preservation above all else. this is really obvious when he doesnt have the other alters holding him back; he would have killed both dante and nero if they weren't so durable just because they got in his way. that said, it's not like he doesn't care about them. dante's his twin brother, the one thing he wants more than anything is for dante to join him and i imagine it's similar with nero.

(unfortunately nero's a little too much like his uncle to join vergil's crazy power quests but y'know.)

he absolutely would not have been a good dad to a small child but with nero grown up and not dependent upon him for anyrhing, i can see vergil really being the one who tells nero about their family, about where they come from, and just all of the history there, which like... nero's an ophan, i can see that being very important to him.

i also think the whole arm thing like... in vergils mind, thats a mercy. he didn't try to kill him, just ripped off his arm bc he Needed the yamato for self preservation reasons. like, you get in his way, vergil will kill you. he didnt kill nero, to him that is almost positively a mercy and i imagine he has significant difficulty understanding why nero might hold that against him- vergil's been torn apart and remade and just destroyed more times than he probably remembers, like... this isn't anything to him.

as for interactions with infant nero, i can see vergil having a similar Oh... My Baby initial reaction as v, but this is Vergil- he needs to be strong, and if he can't protect himself, how's he supposed to protect a baby? i think he's fully aware that the temen ni gru quest is almost certainly a suicide mission, but in his mind, he has no choice.

in summary, i think he tries. i think he is a terrible father but i think every decision he's ever made has just been him Trying in his own fucked up way. whether or not he ever has much of a relationship with nero is entirely up to nero.

v

v is really interesting to me wrt nero. i see them as viewing themself as being somehow more entitled to being nero's parent than anyone else. on top of that, v is manipulative, they're cagey, they're the first alter who actually talks to adult nero, they're the kind of person who'll tell you only what you need to know to the point where it's basically a lie of omission.

this is all self defense, but it's still something that makes them wildly unpleasant to be arnd. couple that with feeling like nero Belongs to them, they actively sabotage other alters attempts to get to know their kid (until confronted about it). the non-humans are just "familiars", vergil and nelo angelo are "dangerous", etc. they honestly probably dont even really tell nero that they're All Vergil, Technically. this is probably something nero finds out from either dante (thinking nero already knew) or griffon (just telling him bc vergil doesnt think it's relevant information and v is actively keeping that from him)

that all said, v cares very deeply about nero and about what he thinks of them. they love him Dearly, would do anything for him, and genuinely just want what's best for him, though their idea of what's best for him doesn't always match up with reality.

they'd delight in sharing their witchcraft with him, in sharing the history of that, sharing everything they know, just... Teaching him like eva did them.

as with vergil they are just doing their fucking best. they just kind of happen to be an asshole. they also just happen to be emotionally unavailable. these things make interpersonal relationships difficult. i imaginr they also make connecting with your long lost son extremely difficult as well.

griffon

as v's kinda direct protector, griffon's heavily entwined with their bullshit but that does Not mean he puts up with it. post dmc5 and post hell, griffon? he is not pulling punches. nero wants Truth, in all its gory details? he should talk to griffon.

out of all of them, griffon's the most... mentally sound, shall we say. he's generally levelheaded, he's very silly, and is the most openly affectionate aside from shadow.

he very much considers nero to be Their son, rather than His son; nero's as much his as he is any other alters, they're all nero's dad, full stop.

how he shows affection, however, is by relentlessly bullying and he Definitely takes it too far and nero Definitely does not always understand that he's joking.

what v won't admit and what griffon has given up trying to tell them is that he was just about as present during nero's birth as They were, they are Very closely tied as alters, but . well. u try telling that to a wildly unstable witch.

shadow and nightmare

to be honest, i don't have a whole hell of a lot to say about them. they love nero, they both consider him the system's kid, etc, but they don't tend to front unless there's some.kind of imminent danger be that psychological or physical.

That Said, shadow can be VERY snuggly if you catch her fronting outside Danger Time. she's extremely sweet and loving to anyone she likes, and she Likes nero, that's her BABY.

angelo

and finally we come to the one that is entirely headcanoned. i'm gonna keep this relatively brief bc im running out of steam anf patience to keep.typung this but angelo's intial gut reaction to nero is about the same as it is to dante, which is just . sheer, gut wrenching terror followed by the worlds most aggressive fight response. consequently i Do think he's gutted nero once or twice.

as he begins to recover, begins to get out of the mundus brainwashing and starts to really just. be a person, if nero is willing to let him in he is the most fatherly. he's gentle but firm, he's patient, he's the kind of person who will do little things for you just because he wants you to be happy. i also don't see him pulling a v; he's very honest, very humble, and *very* willing to apologize and admit to wrongdoing- for fuckssake, he gutted his son, who he really does want a relationship with. gotta start somewhere, u know.

i can talk more about system interpersonal relations but as a tldr v Does Not Like Angelo Whatsoever; angelo represents the single worst time in their life, and he's also just everything v isnt.

anyway. thank you all for reading if youve gotten this far. if you wanna hear about anything else i may have mentioned in passing i am ABSOLUTELY willing to babble about my dmc headcanons.

[jiraidanshi]

Maybe a dumb q but do you have any advice for navigating j fashion as someone who is dude or dude-adjacent (mostly irt jirai and menhera but also in general). i’m super shy/nervous about interacting w these subcultures esp the fashion but ive been into them for a long time and seeing you do your thing makes me feel a lot more confident U_U ty for just being you, also. cheesy to say but i mean it *_*

okay this ended up really long because i stalled on taking my schizohphrenia medication so the chemical lobotomy hasnt kicked in yet . so hopefully this makes any sense at all

well firstly it depends on if you want to wear the " male equivalent " of these fashions or not because you can really easily make menhera masculine like just wear long shorts or pants . if youre looking for a masculine jirai equivalent try looking through the 地雷男子 tag on instagram . youll get some guys just wearing typical jirai pigtails and all but others wearing the masculine equivalent .

if you just want to wear the feminine versions of these fashions i think it depends a lot on your relationship with your gender . it can be especially hard to get into feminine fashion as a trans guy because of social dysphoria . for me i used to exclusively dress in jeans/cargo shorts and tshirts but literally all it took was seeing like A Post talking about how it doesnt matter what your gender is you can wear whatever you want lol . so ive been dressing like this since i was like 14 while iding as nonbinary and then as a nonbinary male . you need to do a lot of psyching yourself up and not get stuck in the mentality of " this isnt for me . this doesnt suit me " [clothes are clothes theyre for everyone] . for the most part other lgbt people wont really give a fuck unless they are like especially fucked up and evil [i have come across people like this but it was in a situation where it was expected they would be fucked up and evil and this was One Incident in the span of a decade]. although i do have a problem where i assume people are going to be fucked up and evil about it but they simply end up not being . people probably wont bother you in your day to day because theyre just going to assume youre a girl and that can also be distressing but if people come up to you they probably arent going to actually use pronouns or call you a " girl " unless theyre like an old person calling you a young lady or something lol [more likely if youre wearing something like elegant lolita way less likely if youre wearing something like menhera or jirai]. depending on where you live you can get a pronoun pin but i wouldnt recommend this if you live in a place thats right leaning which is why i dont wear mine outside of like anime conventions and lolita meetups . if people come up to you theyre probably just going to say they really like your outfit or that you look cute and most likely wont use any gendered language . you will also get a lot of people asking you if you are a cosplayer . if anything the most likely people to gender you when youre out in public are literally toddlers telling their parents " look at her ! " or something but i cant be mad about it because that is like a literal child

if youre dmab or a trans guy thats like pretty noticeably transitioned thats a whole other ball game and the hurdle is a lot more of whether or not youre going to be safe doing it depending on where you live . people saying its normalised for men to wear feminine clothing are delusional . im all for doing whatever you want to do but if youre going to be scared shitless in your cute clothes that kind of defeats the purpose of wearing cute clothes [this is a big part of why i am never getting my gender marker changed , decided to go by chara instead of vincent , and why im not going on t even if i really want a masculine voice]. but also its really fun to just dress up at home and take photos and post them and stuff . or if you want to go out wearing clothes like this do it with a group of people . saying this because my dad works at a country bar and they actually get a lot of young transfem people / gnc men coming in in dresses but theyre always with an entourage so theyre basically unbothered

if youre worried about entering jfashion spaces typically populated by women as a guy , i wouldnt be too worried about it as long as you dont act like a weirdo . a lot of people in my lolita comm are actually nonbinary or trans men or transfem and everyone is very welcoming and chill about it . i was really worried about it because i was assuming theyd all be cis women but i was totally wrong lol . im also in a jirai server and its mostly nonbinary people but me and my friend are trans men and everyone is chill about it .

i will warn you if you post on like , tiktok specifically , saying youre a man while dressed in " womens " clothing youre going to get some weird fucking people [usually cis men] calling you a lot of transphobic / homophobic things and making sexual comments towards you . but also there is like a gigantic sexual harassment problem on tiktok for some reason . ive only had One incident like this on tumblr and it was from a old cis man . people on instagram generally dont give a fuck . selfies on twitter are unlikely to really leave your mutual circle but i did see some guys lolita pics blow up on there and im sure the qrts and replies were a mess

also if you get into jirai thats just a whole other can of worms because of stupid fucking discourse . you have one side of people saying its problematic for being associated with mentally ill women and youre romanticising it if you even dare to have any of the stereotypical behaviours [there is a large chunk of the menhera community that is very vocal about this which is funny because like bro that is your cousin . mostly because menhera is focused on recovery and jirai is more about just existing , which is why i prefer it as someone who has basically hit a wall wrt recovery] . and then youre going to get people who cant mind their business accusing you of being fake jirai if you dont post every day about how youre cutting yourself and getting blackout drunk [although im kinda like the lighter version of this where i dont think you should be calling yourself Jirai if you are in fact not mentally ill . this is where the Actual usage of " girly " / " girly kei " comes in and not as a Replacement for jirai because jirai is " bad and evil and problematic "]

[trash-iest]

For color asks

sky blue

mint

babybel wrapper

soup

why

lavender

orange

For questions ask

1. What do you crave in a psychological sense? Intimacy, passion, purpose, belonging, social interaction, etc.?

2. What kind of emotions do the stars evoke for you, if any? The ocean, the sky, the moon?

5. Do you see your parents in your appearance or behaviour? Are they favourable traits?

14. What are you worried about right now, if anything?

15. Is there a song, book, movie, or other piece of media that has drastically altered your life? What was it, are there multiple?

17. What's the most interesting coincidence you've had happen to you (or someone you know)?

68. What's the best advice you've ever been given?

Hahah thank you for the colour asks!! I appreciate your kindness 💓

1. Passion & purpose

2. Not any emotions in particular but whenever i look up at the sky i get completely lost (irrespective of the moon/stars like its not necessarily the night sky) and i forget about my existence. Its such an amazing feeling because just for a few mins i can completely clear up my mind and not feel/think (its better than meditation i swear, at least works for me) but lately ive been trying to remind myself to take pictures of the moon/sky more often instead of just getting lost in it. I havent been to the beach since summer of 2018 but i remember it being so therapeutic. Im sure that still hasnt changed lol

5. I dont think i resemble either of them but a lot of people say i look like my mom, yet some say i look like my dad. It just sounds like bs lol. I think i got this stubbornness from my dad (and not to justify it or anything) but i think im stubborn for all the right reasons lmao.

14. Turning 22 petrifies me but sis is really trying to distract herself

15. I just answered this one today and its really long so you could scroll down maybe (or not if u dont want to)

17. Im sure ive heard about a lot of interesting coincidences but i really cant remember any atm. Blame my memory 🤡

68. I dont even listen to my own advice so do you really think id remember what other people tell me 😭

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

ML Lies Episode Predictions:

There’s Two?? (don’t trust my math) more days before lies completely destroys me, so I’m going to make some predictions, and by predictions I mean wishlist. My walls are already up, so if none of these happen I won’t be disappointed, but also a girl can dream: (this is somehow 1700 entire words long because I have a lot of feelings, so it’s under a cut, you’re welcome)

—Adrien and Kagami’s are secretly dating: please I want it so bad, I’ve talked about this so much and emotionally I need it!! At the very least I want them to sneak out together so so bad I’d cry. But also, if they’re hiding it from their other friends for whatever reason, thats SUCH good angst potential.

—If we get to see some kinda montage of them sneaking out??? Id ride that high for months. Even just one actual example of them working together to sneak out would obliterate me. Like, how it shows Kagami sneaking out to go to the game in Ikari Gozen?? I’d cry

—The breakup happens as a direct result of it being a secret relationship: this would be SUCH a good parallel to lukanette. Lukanette broke up because Luka wanted Marinette to be more open with him and he hated being in the dark, so just, the parallels if Adrien wants to be more open about adrimi and Kagami is like “you dont understand, if your dad finds out about us he will end this immediately” but Adrien wants to believe that its going to be okay and no one will react badly? I’m probably explaining this badly and I’ll try to explain it better later I just,,, want parallels and opposites and truth v lies and hhhhh

—Fencing??? Friendly/ affectionate competition??? Them being idiot jocks in love??? Please??? I want to see them compete!!

—I’d love to see Kagami character growth + Adrimi relationship development!!! I want her to love herself more and be more comfortable around him!!!

—Specifically, if there was a parallel to Riposte,, and Adrien beat Kagami in a fencing match and Kagami was like “Oh nice!! :D good game!” I’d be so happy I’d cry!! And it’s kinda implied by Chat Blanc that they’re already there in there relationship?? But not confirmed?? So if I saw it or saw confirmation of it I’d cry!!

—in one of the released photos it looked like they were holding hands??? And at this point my expectations are so low I don’t even trust it yet but blease,,, let them hold hands,, i’d cry of joy

—If Adrien is also constantly leaving and disappearing due to akuma responsibilities, I want it to read SUPER differently from the Lukanette because I love parallels/foils!! Marinette disappears on her dates with Luka and its just “oh marinette is really distracted and busy and frazzled” but I dont think Adrimi but be loke that at all!!! Because as far as Kagami knows, she has the same backstory/current story as Adrien. She’s risking a lot by sneaking out to go on dates with him?? So Adrien seeing an akuma and being like “oh sorry father is calling” isnt even suspicious or anything??? Its 100% believable!!! If her mother called she’d immediately be like “oh fricking heck i Need To Leave this instant immediately.” So its less “Adrien doesnt care about her” and more of just twisting the knife and reminding her that life doesnt want them to be together and Adrien is never going to be free!!! Big ouch to her heart!!!

—also I want!!!! Them!!! To talk about their feelings!!! Because parallels to truth!!! Adrien is like “sorry I have to go” and Kagami is like “oh I hate that so much” and Adrien is like “big same.” (Also idk how realistic this is but I’d love it if ‘Kagami talking about her feelings’ wasn’t the cause of strife in their relationship!! Like, she talks about how she feels and when she’s upset and Adrien is like “yeah me too” and they’re just,, good bros)

—I need them to stay friends after the breakup, i need it i need it i need it!!! And the whole issue is!! I feel like the main reason they’d date is to try and hang out more?!?? So if the breakup was actually them talking to each other and being like “hey so this isnt working with sneaking out, we’re going to need to go back to the way it was before,” rather than them saying they were bad for each other???? Hoo boy i’d lose my mind

—Also!!! My favorite prediction, I’d die of joy if this happened (and also of angst). I want there to be so much drama with “secret relatinship” stuff that they try to fix it by going public with their relationship!! Very low chance of this actually happening but its okay if it doesnt, thats what the fanfiction I’m inevitably going to write immediately after watching the episode is for!!! But anyway,, multiple ways this could happen.

Maybe they’ve been secretly dating since Miracle Queen and they decide to go public at the beginning of this episode and that’s the primary source of plot/conflcit!!! I’d be thrilled!!!

BUT!!! if the episode ends with then Not Breaking Up, but instead deciding to go from dating secretly to dating publicly???? Holy Freaking Heck,,, I’d go feral with emotion!!!! I also need to expand on this so much more but basic rundown of how I imagine it could happen (again: Is it likely?? Probably not! but this is my last chance to dream):

Kagami is like “listen we have the same backstory and I KNOW in my soul that this relationship wouldn’t work if it was public”

Adrien is like “okay yeah I feel you, thats fair”

Kagami goes on dates with Adrien and its fun and nice and lovely and the honeymoon phase is so good and exciting

Adrien starts disappearing a lot, partly because of akuma attacks, but partly because of nathalie and gabe calling him constantly

Adrien starts to be like “well actually i think that my dad does care about me probably? And if he knew why I wanted to go he’d let me! Or at least Nathalie would because clearly she cares about me!”

Kagami is like “hhhnngg have you met them?? You think they’d want you to be happy and free??” Except she can’t just SAY that because if she did then she’d be crushing Adrien’s entire heart and possibly also making him get really defensive and he has to come to the conclusion that his parents are good on his own

Kagami also starts to get frustrated with how much more often Adrien has to leave than she does?? And its because of akuma attacks but she doesnt know that and he cant tell her

Adrien starts to get frustrated because he can take the “having to leave for akuma attacks” part but when he finally finishes an akuma battle and Natalie immediately calls him it is just aaaaaAAAAAAAA and he just wants to believe so badly that he could at least take control of that part??? He could at least get Nathalie to help him out??? Probably maybe right???

Because we all know he HATES having to keep secrets from Ladybug, but he’ll do it for her, and he’ll keep his life as Chat a secret, but Kagami??? He should at least be able to talk about that, right?? He’s not doing anything bad/dangerous/etc

Also there could very well be some angst with Adrien being so so worried about Nathalie because she’s bedridden and his dad is being sketchy and he’s SEEN this before and he doesn’t want to be avoiding Natalie or lying to her because what if he loses her too??? He’d feel so guilty! And he needs the support of a parent figure so much,,, so he HAS to tell her the truth

But he respects Kagami’s wishes and he’s not going to betray her trust

But unlike Lukanette, they DO talk about their feelings and they disagree and stuff, and even if he’s trying not to be confrontational, Kagami is like “i can tell youre uncomfortable about something, please just tell me what it is” so he tells her that he disagrees

Kagami gets akumatized?? idk if it’s even been confirmed that she’s the akuma “Lies” but I’d assume she is because parallels to Lukanette

Maybe it happens as a direct result of some moment where Kagami and Adrien are arguing and in the heat of the moment he says something hurtful??

Maybe they’re arguing and then Adrien has to leave before it can resolve and Kagami is mad about it even though shes trying not to be and she gets akumatized???

Maybe she does say something like “bc your dad sucks and nathalie sucks!” and he yells or something (i want to see Adrien yell and be flawed let me live, and this is one of the most likely scenerios for it to happen bc it would HURT for him)

Maybe Kagami shoots back with anger, maybe Adrien’s been calm but Kagami gets mean for a moment, but regardless, Kagami says something about her true feelings of anger at nathalie/gabe/ etc and before Adrien can respond he’s like “oh shoot sorry I need to get home NOW”

Then for one brief second Kagami’s TERRIFIED that he’s going to tell nathalie about this in his anger and then nathalie’s going to be like “oh kagami is clearly bad for you because she made u this upset” and Adrien will LISTEN because hes stupid and he still listens to his horrible adult figures and Kagami is so mad about the entire situation so then in her moment of weakness she gets akumatized

Look at that its a direct opposite of Lukanette because Luka was afraid of Marinette keeping secrets about why she’s always vanishing because he doesnt know and Kagami is afraid of Adrien telling secrets about why HEs always vanishing bc she thinks she does know,,

But anyway, after she gets de-akumatized, she’s so ashamed of it and she can see how far she took it and how many people it hurt,, and Adrien is really sad and apologetic and trying to support her,, and she’s like “no clearly I was actually wrong, keeping this a secret is hurting you and its hurting me and now its hurting random civilians”

So she tells Adrien that they should tell people about it and stop dating in secret

And then multiple possible ending:

Does he say “actually no, youre right, they wouldnt let this happen, so if we cant date in public and dating in secret is hurting us then we shouldnt date at all” and thats how the breakup goes??? That would literally obliterate me

Does the episode end on a false positive where Adrien hasnt told them yet and he is like “yeah this is gonna be great” and there isnt an actual breakup yet?? Because that would also kill me (even though i doubt theyre going to let adrimi take up that much time in the show but, let me dream)

Also if Adrien is like “we shouldnt tell my parents but we should tell someone” and then they tell Marinette and now shes got ANOTHER secret to keep and aaaaaaaAAAAA?? Id die on the spot

I’m still holding out hope that the episode will give me enough crumbs to at least be able to write this better, but regardless of what happens in the episode,,, the chances of me eventually writing fanfiction exploring this are SO HIGH, I’ve been thinking about this for ages

In conclusion:

—no matter what happens in lies, its going to destroy me

—please let them be in a secret relationship it makes so much sense for their characters and for the drama and aaaaAAAAA

—also please give me the parallels to lukanette where their issues are exactly the opposite and it still falls apart

Thank you for your time, I’ll be excitedly vibrating at the speed of sound for the next two days until we get answers!! Depending on how the episode goes, I’ll either be writing so much adrimi fluff to recover,, so much adrimi angst to vent,, or I’ll be staring at the ceiling screaming for a few days as I post nothing but keysmashes and try to sort through my emotions :)

[nothorses]

heyo! hope it's fine if i come asking for some advice on something?

im planning on getting my name changed around late spring early summer of this year. but thats not what im worried about. see i have this sister and she has...not taken my trans identity super well. its been about a year or sometime around that since she found out via my tumblr. and ever since then shes been not...the greatest about handling it. she still deadnames me. supposedly she uses the right pronouns for me but only behind my back? and again - supposedly does it.

but to make a long story short, she hasnt really shown me or anyone else any signs in changing this behavior anytime soon. itll be 'bout a year since she finally asked for my pronouns by the time i get my name changed (about late may or early june but nothings certain yet) and shes told me that she doesnt think she'll be able to use my pronouns or name for another few years. but im getting my name changed this year? plus ive been told i can correct her but not too much or else she might start avoiding me which...isnt good for personal reasons.

tl;dr my sister has essentially said that she wont use my proper name or pronouns for a "few years" but im getting my name changed this year. any advice on how to handle the continuous deadnaming despite my legal name no longer being that? anecdotal or otherwise? its something thats been pecking at my brain for a while now. thanks in advance if/when you do answer this (no pressure though :])!

Oh hey, congrats on the name change!! I just had mine legally changed last week, it's such a good feeling- I'm so excited for you!

(though I will say, if I can offer one piece of logistical advice: start booking DMV appointments and stuff to get everything changed over as soon as you know your court date; most things won't acknowledge your name change until you have your updated ID/license to show them.)

As far as managing family stuff goes- it sounds like your sister is trying to avoid trying, and like. That sucks, and unfortunately there also isn't much you can do to force someone to make that kind of effort, either. You sort of have to decide how much it matters to you, how much you can tolerate it, and what sort of effort you're willing to make on your end to either put up with her, get some distance, or try to push her on it.

I think the best advice I can give is to think about what's important to you here. What are your priorities? Why? What do you need from her, and what do you want from her? What can you tolerate? What's worth the effort, and what's not? What hurts more? What can you do to lessen it? - That kind of thing.

If you decide to talk to her about it, I'd maybe try framing it as a care and effort thing: it's not about getting it right, it's about trying to get it right. Maybe a timeline isn't important- what you need to know, and more importantly to see, is that she cares enough to make an honest effort. Maybe seeing that's enough for the mistakes not to hurt so much.

I've found that even with the people who really aren't trying, that tends to motivate them a lot more- but a lot of people in my life are very guilt-driven, so maybe that's got something to do with it. lmao.

Either way, I really wish you the best!! I'm sorry she's being so difficult about this, and I hope things turn around for you soon. 💙

[miiilowo]

I. Im very curious about the pink haired enderman oc 👉👈 where are they from?? What do they doo?? This is a ramble as much as you want to ask :D

RUBBING MY LITTLE GREMLIN HANDS TOGETHER (also sorry about the late answer, my internet went out as i was writing this)

he’s for an smp im on! :D we decided that we wanted to do rp stuff for fun (hasnt really happened but some characters exist) and i decided to make an enderman character because i just. love them so much

the idea is that one of the smp members went to the end and made an enderman grinder. for whatever reason (havent figured out what the reason is yet) she decided that my funky little guy was special and decided to keep him. kind of like adopting them.

Afterward she made him king of the end because shes a human who thinks she has power over just about everything. for that reason i spent like 3 days building a castle on the server.  He does not take his role as a king seriously whatsoever, and never goes to the end. Why, you may be asking?

When you kill the ender dragon you get the achievement ‘free the end’, which doesnt Sound Like Endermen Had A Fun Time, so im just going to assume he has very bad memories associated with that place

since you mentioned it, his hair is not Actually pink, in fact, he’s bald, but he likes color a lot and so he made a wig (plus he wants to fit in with his mom and other people more) ((also my hair is just pink and he’s an adaptation of another persona i have but we can ignore that)). colors and flowers and stuff are something he enjoys because its a nice difference in comparison to the end which is mostly just . beige and black and purple sometimes 

He’s relatively good at english, and really loves writing and stories and books!!! i have a groovy lil library in my castle and a notebook/journal i track events of the smp in. im THIS CLOSE to copying the personal poems ive done into a bunch of books and selling them on the server for shits and giggles

My castle is one of the cooler builds on the server so new members stop by and stay there for a while before they head off on their own. so, i decided to turn that into him really wanting people to hang around, but they keep leaving and he gets kinda sad about that. id hate living in a big fucky castle and then peepo just stop by then exit after like 4 days. as a result he now has one crazed little clown friend who he is overly attached to despite her probably not being good for his mental health. theyre. working on that. though. i think. that character belongs to my friend loserchips, aka my best friend and the gal who drew my icon, which is also the enderboy!!!!!!

he has a big pile of gems in his throne room that he is absolutely Not willing to share because ive decided he loves shiny things. He also does have some enderman behavior that ive incorporated into how i play:

- cant go in water unless wearing full armor

- cant be in rain without a hat on at LEAST

- afraid of eye contact/doesnt look people in the eye

- climbs on shit and up the vines all over the castle. this scares people occasionally because hes already tall

- he isnt very good at teleporting and when he does he kind of zaps all over the place. due to chorus fruit i have ended up in countless ravines, creeper holes, roofs, tunnels, and houses against my will. it only worked out ONCE, where i was in a friends bakery, and she said to come upstairs. i ate a chorus fruit absentmindedly and teleported right in front of her. im counting this as him getting better at it

- i also am located in a savannah thats right next to a desert because it never rains there and he likes dry places for obvious reasons

- this was mildly inspired by endermen behavior. hes incredibly docile and friendly, but when he’s pushed a little too far he fucking snaps. the best example of this happening on the smp so far was when someone he was planning to live with forever left the castle, took some of his shit, then proceeded to fuck with him by showing him multiple double chests full of ender pearls. i then set fire to his house. (this character was also just genuinely scary and threatened him and killed him multiple times so i think that counts too. i now have his armor set)

theres a grave in my yard thats just a chest full of ender pearls people have given me because they think itd be funny. i am the main character i do not care

i put a little bit of Me into him, which means he loves to collect a bunch of items. anything he finds even a little cool he keeps. i have so many chests and theyre all so cluttered god help me

once bundles are added im absolutely going to have him carry around a sack of flowers that he gives to people

He has a really pretty royal outfit, and just casually wears it around the castle because he thinks he looks good in it

Also! he has three ‘sons’ which are just endermen i captured and put in boats. two of them i got before i had the enderman character idea. their names are ranboo and ran2. i think that is kind of funny

the third one is named hubert. hes bad at his job of guarding the villager cages

im very tempted to get him an enderman husband that sits in the bedroom or throne room. how the FUCK will i get him up there? i genuinely have no idea, but i know i wanna do it really bad

and some just. random stuff about him. ive been searching for a zombified hoglin named benjamin that i was introduced to on the first day of the server. I Know he exists. Hes in a sewer pipe behind spawn. im one of the few people who knows about his existence, and for the love of all that is holy i CANNOT FIND THE FUCKING HOGLIN and its driving me insane. if we translate this to my character, the only time hes left his castle in like a month is to find a hostile pig creature nobody knows exists and hes been rambling about it searching a swamp for days on end

also if he were living in this world and time, he’d listen to hyperpop and be put into a fucking trance by it because its just So Much on his little enderman brain. so much. i dont like hyperpop really but he Absolutely would

also!!!!!!!!!!! hes very good at knitting! very good! at knitting! the castle was super dull and gray so he decided to spice it up one day and now theres plants and flowers everywhere-alongside a giant carpet of his face. yes this actually exists. i have a rug of my skins face on the floor of one of my rooms. in this room is a bunch of wool and sewing stuff. i like to think he makes his own clothes.

something i forgot to mention is that hes somewhat wary of people, and doesnt like to kill mobs. The clown character i mentioned is a human, but she kind of died and came back to life (totems of undying you know) and as a result he likes her more because in a sense she is somewhat undead. just a cool little character bit i thought was neat :]

i feel like he wants to play an instrument but he cant because his hands are too clunky and big and long

but! anyway, thank you for letting me ramble about my beloved son!!!!!! im thinking of naming him finn, but i might just keep it as milo for simplicities sake. since thats my name. also i thought i should tell you that i had you in mind when i made the ‘if yall wanna talk to me’ post. very poggers

endermen are friend shaped and so is he i promise <3

[uniworu]

Have you watched the last Eva film yet? I'd like to hear your thoughts on it.

ah no not yet, unfortunately,,, ill try sharing my thoughts whenever i get around to seeing it though! in the meantime, i can say that i might know enough to disprove some of the drama ive been hearing about, but as a person who still hasnt seen it, i cant be 100% sure. i dont know the full details of what people are claiming (and id prefer to keep it that way), but there are official statements confirming some of these things to not be true. because of this, i encourage people to be more cautious of what they read, especially since its very easy to lie and make things up about a movie that still isnt widely available (keep in mind as well that its about 2 hours 35 minutes long, and it cant be properly experienced through the script/posts alone)

aside from that, im looking forward to seeing this movie! and i can only hope people are willing to give it a chance, even if they dont feel the same

[macklives]

hi. so..... its been a while huh? feels kinda weird making a message on here, after what??? a month of not posting at fucking all??

and idk how to say that im sorry for taking so long, especially with kallie kinda sticking with me pretty much the whole time i was away. so we both kinda went AFK on everybody. and by god, this has also been the longest gap between updates. so yeah... i feel you all are owed an explanation. 

id like to give a short summary of what went down in my life recently. not so much as an excuse for my disappearance, but bearing in mind, i can't just come back suddenly without a notice as to why it took so long, and then start discussing homestuck theories as if nothing happened, that would be ...weird and off putting. im known as one to talk a lot in a post, so i think its expected. buckle up kiddos, this may be a long one, which you dont have to necessarily read, but im simply putting it out there for you all in case any of you may have been worried or confused. 

ALSO, keep in mind im alright with sharing this information because i needed some time to get over it in order to accept it, and being able to say this stuff means im pretty much ready to move on and go back to what it was like before (which for someone who has trouble focussing, can get quite fucking hard). so here's the last few months in a nutshell:

i got my wisdom teeth pulled so i was both in pain and numb for a week and a half after being drugged up with, idk, the IV they use to knock you tf out and that needle to numb your teeth?? and having those bad boys outta my mouth so that was a fun time. fuck that shit.

uhhh on the more upsetting side of things, a friend of mine recently passed away, but i took some time to recover from that. i didnt want to bum everybody out by liveblogging while in that state, nor did i feel like it was right to make jokes at that time (for obvious reasons) so i took some time off. and while i do still care for that person, after a while you have to come to terms that your life can't evolve around grief, and you have to move on eventually. its been a month and im doing way better than i was in the first week. so you dont have to worry really.. i even heard about the messages friends wrote on discord and let me tell you that i appreciate every response, i love all of them, i love all of you guys, but if any of you worry about me as of today, just know im doing perfectly fine and thats behind me now. so yeah, thats the worst of the news..

on less distressing matters, i changed up my job! i used to be a waitress at a restaurant to get that not so mucho money cash flowing, and now i got a full time placement as an intern (sort of full-time. full-time with student conditions). which in hindsight, to some may not sound like its any helpful, but considering im in my final year of college and i have to explore new places to get experience, id rather go where its needed so i reach that specific goal in mind. and you have to start somewhere, so this is where ill start heading. though i do still have to graduate which will take a lot of stress out of me eventually but it hasnt yet caught up lol... yikes to when that fuse blows in the future. 

and finally, the most frustrating part of the month, idk who it was specifically, the company or the landlord, but eh details arent that important, anyways, the landlord and/or its agency messed up with our rental situation and lost a lot of our info so i had to spend a lot of time trying to get that back while also filling out tax returns bc those were finally put out. so yeah, we kinda just have to wait for a notice, though i personally think everything will be fine. we’re considering moving out eventually, but thats probably gonna have to wait a bit longer. while we’re still angry, the landlord respected that it was out of line and apologised while making it up to us, so that was fair enough.

so YEAH, you can pretty much say its been one hell of a fucking month, and i had barely any time to liveblog let alone be in contact with friends that i kinda missed so fucking much????... i basically didnt want to bring anybody down with me (emotionally or mentally), so i decided to at least give you all a warning that i wouldnt be on for a while, hence the last update a few weeks prior, and to take a break for myself to figure out my situation, to rest, and to try and get healthier despite that wisdom fuck week, which nobody warned me wisdom teeth removals were ABSOLUTE HELL

but... im glad to be back, im not sure ill get back into the rhythm of how things used to be, meaning, posting almost every day....that would have to wait a bit unfortunately. however, i think it would be best if i made a sort of schedule for myself. maybe a liveblog twice a week, starting the next. it would help out a lot. i hope to start off with that at least, and not push myself too hard for hours anymore nor the stress of needing to post daily. i loved it, dont get me wrong, but sometimes it took a lot out of me since i know it takes a lot of my time. that being said, i will be on discord, maybe tomorrow? and probably be more active on there from now on, since everything is sorta cleared in my life and there's no more hectic commotion 24/7. the only thing at this rate stopping me from being active is having family over in the next couple weeks. but otherwise, yeah, its good to be back and im again sorry for my absence once more.

yours, 

mackenzie <33

[fraener]

9/7/24

if i had the time to write, i would have. this past month was one of the hardest ive gone through. i didnt have a day off since before my last entry in here. im listening to stefans piano music in bed now, had dinner, painted for the first time in a really, really long time. it didnt give me the same level of enjoyment as it used to but i think id like to start doing that again every day. i had to leave work early today because my period finally came with a terrible vengance, 20 days late. the stress of the move nearly killed me i think. i lost even more weight im pretty sure, ive never been this thin. im going to try and get my thyroid tested again because im getting very worried about it. h told me he felt like i criticized him too much and was so ungrateful for all his help moving. i am not allowed to have any feelings about what happened in front of him because he feels this way. i told him he was right so hed stop yelling at me. its just yet another thing i cannot rely on him for or trust him for, i dont feel like i ever want to ask his help for anything ever again, at least not that big of a thing. it just doesnt seem like a good idea anymore and im almost glad i never let go of my suspicions around it. im too depressed to really be disappointed or saddened by it. this is just what relationships turn into for me, a strange dance of self suppression when faced with the continuous obstacle of being something foreign and unordinary in the face of what the other person wants and expects. i feel like im speaking a different language to most people. i feel so extant and as i get older it becomes less and less surprising that i feel that way. i wonder what would have happened had i been ordinary or had a shot at seeing the world in an ordinary way. i dont really think i have it in me to keep trying to find someone who will see me and understand me and love me for what and who i am. maybe thats a good thing. i dont really know. i want to lean into my uncommonness again. i am unloveable in my uncommonness, i think, but strong in it. tomorrow i think id like if i am able to go and paint on the hill above the bay and watch the little sailboats go by. for the first time in a long time im feeling reasons to return to myself rather than turn away. what am i here for? what do i like to do? i want to paint, i want to watch other people enjoy learning something new, i want to be included in or witness to someones passions, i want to find my friendship in the nonhuman again. i miss rosie so much. i miss all the animals i cant talk to anymore like ed and zoey. at least rosies still alive. and gigi is too, and tally. so many friends of mine are so far away now. learning over and over that i am so terribly lonely here! i think maybe im beyond sad about h. this hasnt been a very good relationship but i havent been well or strong or brave enough to end it even when its really bad or even when its not so aggressively bad but just so bald faced in its discrepancies that it doesnt make any sense to keep going. for some reason i keep going. for love or habit i do not know. i dont feel loveless like i did with m but i dont feel like the love is enough most days. im tired of writing in my journal about him. i want him to matter less in some ways, maybe just matter less in the darker matters of the heart. i saw o's play and we spent some time together. theyre so magical and i can see so pure as day why we didnt work out. exactly what i admire about them is the thing i cannot stand! funny how it works sometimes. im glad to see them a little again, a year from when we did last. always the end of summer with that one. i miss my apartment, my new house is quiet but lonely without my ghosts. the fellow above the doorframe threw the picture one last time at h while he was scolding me which was really funny but a bit naughty. not that h would know or understand necessarily. yes, tired and lonely. one day soon maybe ill feel a bit better, or at the very least, different.

[voidselfshipp]

College Au

It was another boring day on the arts and engenieer college on Louisiana.

Lucas fiddles with his food on the cafetería,hes used to eat alone and get looked at for it.

Soft steps approach Him.

--Fuck Off

He said not bothering to look up

--Hey now--He never heard that voice before,soft,melodic and sweet to the ear--i dont want to eat alone either,but thats no excuse to treat me like that

The Man looks up to meet the person before him, stunning green eyes meet his gaze,she has a playful smirk and her features are softened.

His cheeks go Pink from shame and looks down--You can sit...

He mutters as she took a Seat infront of him.

--Im Jerico Gomez,nice to meet you...?

--Lucas, Lucas baker

--Nice to meet you Lucas, if you dont mind me asking,or mind the small talk for that matter, what are you studying here?

--Uh....engenieering,you?

She was so well spoken,and eloquent too.

--Art,animation to be specific

The Louisianan Man looks to her hands,full of colorful paint,her whole outfit is stained.

Cute.

--is...is it fun?

--Yes,very, I love art,since I was kid...

Lucas didnt knew why he kept on talking to her,he was so defensive but now, as afternoon light filtered through the Windows on the ceiling,he found himself relaxed,his hunched Jack straightens and leans in.

Suddenly a voice stops the conversation.

--Oi!freak!-A Man bigger than both of them Slam his hand on the table-cutie,dont hang out with this hillbilly weirdo,

--Hillbilly weirdo my ass--Jerico stands up, facing the bully- so far he has been pleasant ,more so than you, you brainless,Man wannabe asshole,shut the fuck up,go and shove your head back on your dirty ass were it belongs And leave before I break the tray on your head and cause and explosion from the hot air in that empty casket you call skull,thats probably as cracked as your girlfriend!

The Bully huddles to himself and nodds before running away.

--Bitch...

Jerico huffs and sits back down.

Lucas was impressed.

--You are such a fuckin badass!

He was genuinely impressed.

Jeri laughs,that duality of her of being so soft and harsh at the same time--Oh please, I dealed with bullies before, no biggy really

He already started to like her.

Like her? damn she was different,and he liked that.

--Let me walk you to your class?

The woman cocks an eyebrow but nodds-- sure

they both walk,the long halls overdozed with people,and Lucas had so much things to look at while he talked,yet his eyes always went to her-- s so-- he said- can we meet tomorrow?I in the cafeteria of course

Jeri giggles and nodds,she was playing dumb,not minding the baby Pink blush on Lucas' cheeks as she talked,yet he knew she was aware of it.

--of course id love to, theres no way im leaving you alone now--she checks behind her,the class hasnt started yet-- besides,youre both easy and fun to talk to, and hey Lucas,be careful

She puts a hand on his shoulder and kisses his cheek--Ill see you around

She pats his arm and gets into class.

Thank god nobody saw him jump after she got into her classroom, or how he awkwardly danced after it.

He was getting a date,or pseudo date as he called it,because as prideful as he was,he aint admiting shit.

And so it became a little habit of theirs,eat togheter,Lucas Walked jerico to class and then they would walk togheter to their homes when the day was over.

And feelings grew between the two of them,Like flowers is springs sweet embrace.

An embrace so sweet like jericos,or at least thats how Lucas pictured.

His heart jumped and danced the Macarena when she spoke to him,or blessed him with his attention.

The day she gifted Him an artwork of his favourite things for his birthday he swears he almost faints.

And so he invested time in knowing her,make sure to know every detail of her,sometimes he would even write it down.

So when her birthday arrived,he made a whole scape room for her in his family old house,full of quizes and puzzles.

She always wanted to participate in one,and he made a Custom one just for her.

When she completed it however,outside in the swamp, the trees decorated with fairy lights,snack and a custom playlist sets the ambience for the question of the Year.

--Jerico--lucas grabs her hands,and puts them to his chest,she could feel his racing heart--Would..Would you be my girlfriend?

Her heart sinks as she nodds,a sudden rush of emotions that ended in a kiss,one that lasted as long as they could manage.

And a night to remember as the pale moonlight filtered through the leaves.