#it is the no. 1 thing i dread
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#lou speaks#I HATE SCHOOL#AND ITS LOUD#AND OVERWHELMING#AND ITS BORING#NONE OF MY CLASSES ARE EVEN INTERESTING#I JUST SIT THERE#i don’t want to go to school anymore#it is the no. 1 thing i dread#i woke up this morning and very nearly started crying because it’s monday and that means school
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something from my flight today + a tiny hongsang as a late bday gift for a friend
#i wanted to draw my friend a bit more hongsangs but Unfortunately..... it is 1 Am.... I wanted to go eep earlier... but Failed...#i actually Really Really enjoyed coloring ringsang.... did like an Undertone base thing and painted my base colors on top Boom.#It's Like It Is Already Rendered. Amazing. also i am. Kind of dreading putting this in maintag really but Fuck It#yomoart#projmoon#limbus company#yi sang lcb#hong lu lcb
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Hey y'know when the current moment is transcendently beautiful and meaningful and true, but you know that it is temporary and you can't help but feel existentially haunted by that fact. You know when you are experiencing beautiful heartrending art and you feel lost in the moment and then its over. You know how you'll experience art or human connection or a walk on a nice day and you know the sunlight on your skin will fade and you'll forget how it felt to be this warm.
You know in video games when there is one experience-definingly gleeful or touching or viscerally emotional moment that soon ends and leaves you with something more complicated, more doomed, more cyclical? You know? You know how it feels to dig your claws and teeth into a moment and try as hard as you can to feel it and to remember it and to make it part of yourself? Do you know??
#my art#okay i kind of went into an existential-dread-induced fugue state writing that. caption? whatever that was. um#hi look at my sketchbook-scrapbook spread about Beautiful and Meaningful Moments.#the pieces of it are:#• diatribe i wrote in response to an essay question in a really good uquiz about haunted houses at ~1 am after watching I Saw The TV Glow#• house of leaves exerpt (printed out via labelmaker)#(fun fact if you look at my spekta page you can see a couple tests/failed attempts at printing these labels. i reused em cause they fit him)#slay the princess dialogue#moment in Journey#moment in I Saw The TV Glow#moment in In Stars And Time#moment in Paprika#disco elysium graffiti.#and all the margin scribbling was straight off the dome except for one (1) song reference#if im remembering correctly.#ill maintag that shit why the hell not.#house of leaves#slay the princess#in stars and time#paprika (2006)#journey game#i saw the tv glow#disco elysium#i feel like fellow enjoyers of these things will Get the feeling im trying to express LMAO#bitches love the entropy of meaning
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mc is just straight up not having a good time at all
#from mulberry fields the blue sea#still no gyx oh my god this scene is ballooning into something so much bigger#i lowballed myself when i said this would be a 15k chapter i think this might be closer to 25k#there's still at least another 2k words for this section and another 1-2k to wrap up this part#then there's the whole hair pinning ceremony which i'll conservatively peg at 5-7k and then the two interludes#both of which are probably gonna be long af bc gyx is crashing out like twice in his and qls is going through the dreaded wedding night#oh the wedding night is probably gonna be one of the worst things i ever wrote i wasn't even planning on putting it in here#but it's so integral to qls how could i not it's the worst thing i've ever planned so far okay except maybe cyx's noncon scene#but it's pretty damn close imo way grosser imo
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[631] um actually!
#like before day 100 I think I drew etho with glasses if I remember correctly#speaking of glasses my perscription is so bad#I’ve only ever met 1 person who had worse glasses then me#and that person was slowly going blind#they won’t let me pick out the cute aesthetic frames because my lends are too dummy thicc and stick out of every frame I’ve ever owned#what was this about again#oh yea glasses#I am the um actually meme#I hate it cause it’s me#I dread the day my friends make the connection#etho#ethoslab#hermitcraft#etho fanart#ethoslab fanart#day 631#man I gotta update the list of all the daily ethos#that thing is from almost a year ago augh
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#I'm slowly approaching 23 and I'm a little scared tbh#I don't want to grow up even more. my life has passed and I feel like so far I haven't done anything of any significance#my mental health is still not good kinda bad but it has been like that for years now so that's nothing new#I'm always subconsciously anxious about my health and I feel like other people gave more opportunities in life compared to me because of it#these last few months...#also sometimes I cry but my tears aren't even salty anymore? why can't I have 1 nice thing damn#yeah...#I dread the day my birthday actually comes#art#traditional art#original art#original character#oc#furry#personal tag
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The very interesting way that sb94 writers are well aware that Kon is a child and still immature as he (as to be expected from people who are 16 but also 1 year old) is trying to make sense of the world around him but also like …. Puts him in these immensely fucked up and traumatizing positions with none of the concern that would normally follow such heavy storylines is what makes it an equally frustrating and compelling read. It hits like a gut punch every time you analyze its themes past surface level cape shit. It goes from “oh he’s so wacky” to “oh….they’re def exploiting him rn” within one page. It’s actually kinda horrifying.
It’s like when you’re watching home alone and Kevin’s mom is calling the police to go do a home check on her 8 year old son that she accidentally left in the house by himself and they’re like …. Lady. This is nothing to get hysterical over. You’re wasting our time. There’s no reason for us to do that shit lol he’ll be fine. And you’re just sitting there like oh wow, that’s… that’s not?????? And then that terrifying reality sets in that’s like oh yeah … not leaving young kids alone at home only stopped being socially acceptable VERY recently. And then you have to spend the movie watching this little boy be endearing and charming cuz he’s smart and capable enough to get himself out of these sticky situations but he literally should not have to be. He should not be in this situation at all, actually.
That’s how it feels reading Superboy 94 sometimes. What do you mean you don’t have a birth certificate?????????? WHAT DO YOU MEAN “CUTE IN A JAILBAIT KIND OF WAY”????
#I do this thing when I read new comics#where I read like … a random issue in the middle before I go chronologically#cuz I live for a little chaos n whatnot#but anyway#when I did it for Superboy 94 …. I landed on the issue where Conner is homeless#at first I was giggling I won’t even lie to you#haha he’s so funny he thought being a celebrity was all it took to live in a luxury high rise#but then the dread sunk in and I was like oh. uhm. actually. where the fuck are the adults?#it was … an interesting feeling starting issue 1 and realizing that this trend only continues#not having a belly button is funny. cute enough to get a chuckle even#NOT HAVING A BIRTH CERTIFICATE IS CONCERNING#Kon#kon el#the s stands for self discovery
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it’s still day one. this freak has hands AND ears????? my opinion. legless lizard.
#I like snakes quite a bit. I have headcanons now. besides the legless lizard thing is that 1. they're prone to scale rot in their collar.#2. their only gender difference is the length of curl they have on their tail. this one is a chick 2 me because it's longer#although I might change that bc I'm not super familar with legless lizard sexing so shrug. anyways#spenxer lou art#pokemon#daily pokemon#day 1#unova#serperior#okay. I don't really have anything else to say other than I'm already kinda dreading this. thumbs up. happy new year
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— WIP WHENEVER
tagged by @lilywatt, @loriane-elmuerto & @simonxriley (a million years ago) to share a wip or wips ... it ain't much or good, but it's honest work, thank you 🤎✨
tagging : @queennymeria, @shellibisshe, @risingsh0t, @thedeadthree, @lucky-107, @countessrooster, @lucky-107, @erinkeenan, @jacobseed, @shadowglens, @roberthouse69, @cryptcombat + anybody else that might want to share something they've been working on!
The words were faded by time.
Weather worn and written over with pencil and pen, scribbles and water stains making the faded ‘HER’ in the middle of the word even harder to read. Aspen looks over them again, the orange and green and purple lettering against the faded blue landscape pulling her eyes to the embossed and peeling trophy in the center of it all like a pillar: strong and steady, holding the very thing together.
NUMBER ONE DAD.
“Father’s Day.” Clover says from somewhere beside her, rifling through a bag of - quite frankly, junk - some traders had come through with earlier that week. “It’s like a day for dads and stuff.”
Aspen quirks a thick brow, suppressing a laugh as she watches Clover try on another pair of broken sunglasses; this one was only missing one of its lenses.
“I know what Father’s Day is.”
✨(clover belongs to @queennymeria)
Tommy is quiet for a moment, weighing the words that sat on the tip of his tongue carefully, perhaps more carefully than he’d ever handled something in his life up until this point. He could sense whatever walls that had come down for those brief moments during their conversation were rebuilding, her urge to flee rising; he could see it in the way she stood, rigid and tense, nails digging into palms, balling up at her sides.
With the gentleness of someone trying to soothe a caged animal he finally speaks, motioning briefly to the space around them; the safety, the security.
“Give this place a chance. For her,” He nods towards the temporary lodging Aspen had disappeared back into minutes before. “For you.”
“Look, people have more than one toothbrush, you’re lucky we - you and I - aren’t sharing one. The mug - it’s a ‘T’, so what? The boots are mine, and as for him being here…is he not our friend?”
From the look Aspen gave her, Kyle sensed the most shocking part of her half assed defense was the fact she had referred to another human being in a way that didn’t hold any ire.
“I have never heard you use that word before.”
#q.#t: tag games#t: wips#i don't write i just plan and then bury it 🥲#c: kyle#c: aspen#x: kyle x tommy#if you squint#all of this is considered pre S1 i suppose#these are from the very depths of a google doc that was created and then never touched like...two years ago#slowly getting back into taking things off paper and actually DOING something with them but#therapist wants me to do three brave things a week and i'm tired of saying 'went into the gas station instead of leaving with my tank on E#when the pump said see attendant'#so ...this is my ugly brave thing of the week and i'm trying to make a habit of it.#1. aspen trades for a fathers day card for tommy.#2. kyle wanting to run from something good (as always)#3. the dreaded 'is he moving in???????' talk
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Recent life photos
#photo diary#image 1 & 2 - of course these are just cloud images. But a cool pattern of them :0#3 - another word count of game writing... aargh... Still debating about like allowing other people into the game discord or how early#in the process one should do that.. but social things are just so difficult for me lol.. I shall always suffer for my lack of networking an#self promotion skills. 4 - I was forced to get a new phone a few months ago because my beloved phone of like 10 years finally#broke too much. and I always like to go through the emojis and make a little memo with all my favorites. yaay little pictures of things.#5 - I FINALLY finished all the dictionary entries for the game (which has a little dictionary feature in the player's journal to note#any specific terms and keep track of them (like what 'jhevona' or 'avirre'thel' means. or to remember that the world is called Nanyevimi#and the country they're in is Asen. etc. etc.)). There are 75 defined terms so far and it took me a while to do so out of curiosity I put#all the text into a wordcounter thing and lol.. 8000 words isnt that much I guess but the 30 minute reading time is funny to me. 30 minutes#for my little tiny dictionary panel in my quaint little casual visual novel which is not even lore heavy at all. hee hee (though that's mor#like a minute here and there since obv people are not unlocking every term all at once. you complete the dictionary as you talk to people#and hear them mention new concepts over time.).. ANYWAY..#6 - a very soft and beautiful stuffed animal that I did not buy but wanted to at least document their charm.#7 - stimky boye waiting in front of his favorite straw meowring screaming for someone to play with him (he likes to chase the#straw around). 8 - matcha bubble tea my beloved. 9 & 10 & 11 - some cool flowers I saw. also featuring one of my favorites (columbines!)#Anyhow.. as mentioned in the other photo diary post.. I have just been packing and writing mostly.. The evil summer is coming of course#which me and my health issues always dread. Good news though is I finally got my passport in the mail! >:3 huzzah. Now I just need to find#some fellow aromantic asexual living outside the US willing to take one for the team and fake a marriage with me so I can get the#hell out of the country UwU (<joking) (...mostly... as in - definitely NOT my main goal. but if a viable opportunity presented itself I#would of course give it consideration lol). I know that's already highly regulated but I wonder if it's something that will become even mor#locked down as people hunt for any opportunity to flee. People are out here searching for any loophole. Frantically researching their#entire family tree seeing if there's any chance for a citizenship by descent in whatever place will take them. etc. etc. lol#So I wonder if such marriages are a thing that will come up more often. hmm.. ANYWAY..#I have almost all of my stuff packed even though I don't move until another 1-2 months. But that's the point is to have it all sorted early#in the last remaining scraps of ''cooler'' weather so that then I can just relax up until then. I'm going to try doing another scrapbook#/sketchbook this summer as a Mood Boosting effort. Just to find little things to help with the situational political existential dread and#climate woes. So on days it's too hot to function I can just glue little things to pages and doodle lol.. hopefully.. slowly getting things#off my to do list.. I reaaaaaally want to get back to playing games as it's so fun and realxing to me but..rghgh.. 500 other things..
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finally watched the latest Severance episode
what the fuck
#severance#severance spoilers#catch me going insane over the numbers thing#like ok. 4 tempers 4 baskets 4 refiners. but also the first number helly thinks is scary way back in season 1#she says “oh god! a 4!” and goddammit it might be important somehow#also. the fucking thing with the colors is driving me insane. should've known the red in the tent was bc helena#but also I was hesitant to outright claim that when we watched that scene because also red when mark. who. yknow how last episode ended#also HOW did irv come to the conclusion that she's an eagan. where did that come from irv#also woe reminds me of ms huang and Im having a Time about that too#also also. as per the theory refinement going on in this house. since the numbers are the people#do we think that mayhaps they're being refined into making the tempers real people?#like because ms huang being woe.. Id assume ms casey is frolic maybe? idk. I dont feel that she's dread and def not malice...#Alternatively the fact the refiners all fit so well as the tempers. irv is woe dylan is frolic helly is malice and mark is dread#like so so neatly all 4 of them fit in these boxes. dylan is goal oriented and a bit childish and overall loyal#irv is sad and odd and ill and was basically the focus of the episode named after woe and had her in a dream and. all that#helly is fire and anger and destruction and helena is even worse#and mark is. a mess. he truly is the most pasta a blorbo can be. spaghetti thrown at a wall levels of fucked up#but at the same time as that. all 4 of them exemplify all 4 tempers. mark is rebellion and anxiousness and loving and grief#helly is want and compassion and vengeance and uncertainty. dylan is perks and suspicion and drive and worry#and irv is curiosity and care and distrust and skittishness#(in order: m.s: m-d-f-w. h.r: w-f-m-d. d.g: f-d-m-w. i.b: w-f-m-d)#((which. makes it sound like helly and irving are really similar? hmm. find ur 4 tempers order personality test sounding bs))#(((mine would be f-d-m-w I feel. confidence-catastrophizing-righteousness-exhaustion seems like a solid combo)))#(((idk. tag urself or whatever)))
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hi nyxi!!!
wondering if u have any random opinions/hcs about yosano? i love her sm but i feel like so many characters are mischaracterized in this fandom and i trust you so if u have time id be interested to hear them :)
btw ur writing is amazing and delicious and MMMMRMMRMDMFM and ive been meaning to comment on ur works but busy schedule and my tendency to yap has been getting in the way…ty for writing such amazing fics 🫶🫶
hellooo this has been in my asks for ages because im awful and dreadful and suck so bad
headcanons only occur to me when im in the middle of writing fic and a character just does a thing and it becomes canon to me. im sure i will come up w some when i get around to writing that one wip idea . if i ever do 🙁 BOOOO brain let me write abt my girl i beg. and i avoid any and all talk about yosano because i actually cannot handle seeing people get things wrong about her. i will say i think, as always w bsd, the issue is people take two extremes. either shes evil violent and awful and doesnt care abt the agency and is assaulting them on the regular bc she feels like it (what are you people saying🙁🙁) or shes lovely and a gentle mother figure to kyouka + kenji (😐😐😐). when really, she IS violent shes a bit crazy shes what it looks like to hold life and death in your hands AND shes capable of softness and cares about her friends. thats always a defining feature of her, the reason she initially cant handle the reality of her ability is bc she cares too much. the rigid boundaries she has on it now and the mess she makes of people when using it, are very explicitly within canon tied to the fact that she cant devalue life and her ability naturally does. it HAS to be unpleasant so it isnt idealised. those two parts of her, violence and affection, exist at the same time. this literally isnt even analytical, this is just stuff canon says directly that people apparently dont get. lawl. that IS one of the things thats fun when writing her though, bc not only do those two things exist at once, the line between them is blurred. violence and affection, in the right circumstances, become united, mutually dependent. and theres sooo much you can do w that prose-wise. most of the time i spend thinking abt yosano i end up spiralling abt ability thoughts, but ive already got those out extensively and i refuse to repeat myself ever 💞
anyway! im glad you enjoy my fics love!! will hopefully have more time to write for a bit bc im mooostly done w coursework and dont have any more exams until may😍
#bsd#yosano akiko#cant look at talk abt yosano bc i once saw a tanizaki stan say one (1) thing abt her#and i got so pissed off i nearly exploded the whole website and had to take several minutes to calm down#im already annoyingly protective abt skk but srsly if incorrect yos opinions are put in front of me i start shaking and foaming at the mouth#its dreadful its so bad. i cannot read fic bc there will be one minor thing i disagree with and im like ERM ! NO☝️#i do the same for skk but that involves eye rolling and the back button. w yos its closing tabs and breathing exercises#confessing my flaws: too annouing about yosano akiko bsd#asks
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haha nintendo…surely this big run won’t cause a mass extinction event for the salmonids…right? next game we’ll treat the salmons nicely right….? peace and love?
#squoob says a thing#splatoon#splatoon 3#(dread)#FEARS ASIDE… we hit 1 BILLION GOLDEN EGGS!!! wow!!!!!!#that’s incredible!!!! i bet grizz is grinning from space#i actually finally hit gold rank for big run too!!! and defeated a triumvirate!!! letting splat 3 go out with a bang :]
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these board game nights I've been doing have been like. bad. some combination of history of past negative experiences (sharp), the pressure of people watching/expecting/analyzing my every move, and simple processing overload...makes me feel like the world is crashing down around me and I need to Get Out and never ever do this again
but
(a) I'm not sure I'll retain these friendships if I drop the activities; and
(b) all of the same factors and identical feelings happened when I first had to do freestyle sparring drills, and, well, here we are now
#m#I think this is closer to a 'do it scared' situation than a 'just leave'#but idk quite how much unpleasantness is worth bearing#like uh#it's possible a similar thing would happen as (b) eventually but I'm not actually invested in that#I'm only actually there for the (a)#unlike with sparring#where the skill was actually an end in itself even if I was exclusively feeling suffering and dread at least 1 class a week for months#maybe I can propose other activities#I'm not super sure if they are actually invested in doing the games either or if it is just. a thing that one can do with people.
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Pictures in order under the cut










#absolute corruption#between earth and sky#derek and bradey#graveyard flowers#bite me#snowfall sweethearts ☕❄️#Daniel and Dread#forged in hellfire#the end of the world as we know it#the amazing stella lovette#All I am belongs to you#beetlejuice#westworld#the 1oo#teen wolf#izombie#stargate sg 1#the walking dead#the santa clause#the amazing spider-man#bbc the musketeers#stranger things#self ship poll#prisma self ships
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