#it would be nice to use all that approximate knowledge for something ; but it’s not the driving reason

[divorcedwife]

and people in my family have been kind enough to entertain my history reading and ask me questions about it even, but when they ask « why » im doing all that reading and research i don’t know what to say. isn’t learning simply very fun… i never have reasons for anything i do, im not built like that

[syckubota]

My approximation of what MacCready's Lucy looked like, plus a more grown Duncan. More about my interpretation of Lucy below the cut.

I know it was not the writers' intention to have Lucy be the same Lucy from Little Lamplight, but the story feels more complete and believable that way to me :) Those two got along like two peas in a pod. They were definitely sittin' inna tree.

I based her appearance off both Lamplight Lucy and the generic "basic hero" sprite that was used to represent her in the Fallout Shelter Online mobile game.

I like to think she generally matched his energy, only she was a little more emotionally mature than him. I think she also would have been more no-nonsense than he was, and not very interested in sci-fi stuff or comics. But, she would've been quite bookish, and knowledgeable in all sorts of things she could source from prewar media. I think she would've had a particularly sharp memory, and pick things up quickly--thus how she managed to become the resident medic so early on. Maybe she's a STEM buff, and more of a "hammer and nails" kind of person than MacCready.

To give context to the little quip she was making above, I have a running theory that Lucy actually lied about making MacCready the "wooden" toy soldier (or "solider" as it's spelt). My main idea of what actually happened is that she found out that MacCready was a mercenary one way or another, but didn't tell him she knew, because she either:

1.) felt that she should let him come to her with the truth on his own terms

2.) thought it was a perfect opportunity to lie back

3.) or maybe was planning to, but y'know... she died before she could get a word in.

The reason why I think Lucy hadn't made the toy soldier, is because of this specific terminal entry that can be found in Fallout 4, at the Coast Guard pier.

This had triggered my suspicion, because it confirms that the fact that the "wooden" toy soldier is able to be scrapped for ceramic isn't an error. Isn't it odd that this toy soldier was supposedly hand-carved out of wood, but is made of ceramic? Isn't it odd, that there is proof that before the war, other non-wood toy soldiers existed, and that there were more than one?

Upon further inspection, I did find it strange how smooth and radially the toy soldier had been carved. It appears to have been turned, rather than whittled. It would be deeply unusual for Lucy to have to have access to a wood-turning workshop of pre-war, industrial caliber in the wasteland. And, it would have been very difficult for Lucy to have been able to produce something so exact and symmetrical without the proper equipment and extreme time/dedication to do so.

Furthermore, if you observe the paint job, it almost appears stenciled on, or perhaps painted with a very fine brush. Mind you, this is a small figurine. It also uses various colors (or stains?), and shows an apocalyptic amount of weathering and fading on its body. It's hard to believe that this is new painting, done in the wasteland. It must be pre-war work.

I also think Lucy didn't have to be in on some silly snarky 'revenge' thing, passing this pre-war thing as her own work, although that's my main interpretation. She could've also been completely clueless about MacCready lying to her. That, however, implies she was trying to impress him. I think this interpretation's equally cute though, because it means they liked each other so much, they both felt the need to try and look good in front of each other...

Although I don't think this was meant to be read into so deeply, I think it adds a nice touch to their story. MacCready obviously agonizes over the fact that he lied to Lucy and never came clean to her, but knowing that she might've been lying to him too, either aware of his lie or not, sort of feels bittersweet.

[berriethewizard]

After only a little protest, Warriors allows Hyrule to look at the gash on his arm. It clipped right underneath his pauldron, and almost certainly would’ve taken out his sword arm if it wasn’t for his quick movements – but it doesn’t look too bad when Hyrule gets his layers off to take a look. 

“What’s the diagnosis, doc? Will I live to see another day?” Warriors dryly asks, to which Hyrule can only laugh at. The captain is much more experienced in medicine than him, formal military training versus Hyrule’s experience-based knowledge, but he appreciates the comment anyway. For quite a while, Hyrule has been observing him – trying to learn more from the clear confidence and knowledge the captain displays in and surrounding battle. There are many things he seems to be left behind on, in the ruins of his own world, and all he can do is listen and watch. While Warriors comes from a place far different from Hyrule’s world, the way he talks about the battlefields he’s seen reminds him of a lot of the landscape of his home. It’s nice to be trusted to be competent in something he does think he excels at by Warriors. Hyrule’s own continued survival has to mean something, right?

Hyrule would ask, perhaps, to have some more specialised training, if he knew at all how to approach the man. But every time he gets the opportunity, all he can see is the stern face of a soldier recounting the horrors of war, and he gets cold feet. His yearning for knowledge has not yet overcome the awkwardness. 

Hyrule just about finishes up healing the gash on Warriors’ arm when he hears Legend loudly comment, “Once again, Champion, your work with a bow astounds me. How do you do that?” Many visibly pick up their ears to listen in, not just his own – all eager to hear the explanation. 

“Honestly? This time it was just quickly switching between different arrow types. I didn’t do anything special.” This catches Hyrule’s attention the most. Different types of arrows aren’t really a thing where he’s from, and he’s been fascinated by many of the group’s use of them since he discovered them.

“No way!” Wind chimes in, “The way you used those bomb arrows, it was like you had a cannon in your hands!” Hyrule doesn’t know what a cannon is, either. He lets Warriors get himself dressed again, and joins the small gathering that has formed. 

Twilight scoffs. “Now I wouldn’t say that – cannons are huge, powerful machines – it’d be hard to replicate the force of something like that. Think of the power it takes to launch a person, Sailor. I don’t think any one bomb could be that powerful.”

“I’m sorry,” Legend looks at Twilight incredulously, “did you just imply you’ve been launched out of a cannon before?” Hyrule can’t help but copy Legend’s expression. What on earth is this machine, and why are they launching people out of it? 

“I have too, it’s not that uncommon.” Sky says. Wind nods his head aggressively next to him, while everyone else looks at the three of them in various states of creased brows and agape mouths. At least Hyrule isn’t the only one baffled by all this.

Warriors takes this time to say his own piece on the matter.

“They do exist, y'know. Hand cannons, I mean.”

Suddenly, all eyes are upon Warriors. He straps his pauldron back upon his shoulder, before turning to the group. 

“I’ve only seen one up close once. A trade ambassador from a country across the sea came to negotiate with the Queen, and with him came highly experimental new technology, including weaponry. About this big,” he mimes the size with his hands, which Hyrule approximates to be similar to the length of a shortsword, “composed of a metal barrel, small cannonballs named ‘bullets’, and an opening in the top to light gunpowder to launch. Shoots twice as hard and twice as far as an arrow, only needs one person to operate, and easy to move in active combat. They said that they’re hoping one day they’re advanced enough to pierce through armour.” 

“The Queen didn’t approve of these, right?” Twilight hesitates. “They sound… terrifying.”

“No she did not, thankfully. Let’s hope you never have to encounter one.” Warriors face darkens, like when he gets a bit too far into his war stories, and Hyrule decides if he wants to learn more about these cannons, he might go to Twilight or Sky instead. 

Hyrule doesn’t come from a very safe place. But he thinks Warriors’ era might be worse.

[lyrate-lifeform-approximation]

“Okay, I know what it looks like. But here's the good news. The multiverse didn't collapse. Little touch and go, but it worked out!”

before we get started, there’s some things that are going to be pointed out here (plz read they are important)

if you’d like to ask LYLA anything, use the ask box! it is open for that reason (if talking to mun, pls clarify)

if you’d like to rp but dont know if ill say yes, just ask. im like a 99 percent chance of saying yes

im cool with anything as long as it doesnt involve nsfw

i have a wack time schedule so there will be days where i am radio silent. i swear i am not ignoring you (just priv msg me if you want to double check)

my main blog is @flowered-bicycles if you want to check it out!

i also roleplay as @ghostly-sunflower (gwen) & @i-love-vines (spider-terra)

mun goes by soka but will normally be referred to as LYLA’s mun, or not at all

as hard as i will try to be LYLA’s canon self, i may end up throwing a bit of myself into the rp. pls dont hate, just let me know nicely

LYLA will be movie based as i dont have enough knowledge about the comics

[], {} or // will be used when ooc (when mun is speaking)

roleplay is normally in 3rd pov but basic posts and/or asks will be 1st pov

extra and disclaimer! - this is strictly an rp blog (yes i may act and speak and react like LYLA, but i am in no way actually her. i am in no way affiliated with marvel (unless you count fan as being affiliated) so this is completely fanmade! feel free (much encouraged) to like, reblog or send/asks and make comments! the ask box has anon on as well, so if you are shy, anon is on just for you! if you wish, giving an emoji for me to recognize you by would be greatly appreciated! you can leave comments and ill try to reply to them. submissions are open too (i think) if you wish to submit something!

BLOG RULES

you may use “potty mouth” when rping, but dont “over curse” iykwim

LYLA is an AI so she obviously does not have a romantic interest. if you want to make a relationship with her, dm me and we will figure something out (the only funny ship she has is holofang no i will not be taking criticism)

keep this SFW blog! (which means NO SMUT TALK!!! violence and gore are accepted tho so be warned)

keep the asks RESPECTFUL please. i will block you if you dont

uncomfortable topics will be blatantly ignored

dont godmod

have fun!

about LYLA

lyrate lifeform approximation

ai

based on earth 928

silly goofer

proud of her work

works for miguel o’hara

friends & foes

canon

miguel o’hara - @spiderman2-99

peter b parker - @peterbsideparker

hobie brown - @spiderpunkofficial

pavitr prabhakar - @pavitr-prabhakar-50101

noir - @noir-spider-noir

miles morales - @whosmoraless

other/oc

mila - @crybaby-spider

spider-glow - @glowing-arachnid

bridge - @nan0-sp1der

[ghostly-sunflower]

"Alright, people, let's start at the beginning one last time. My name is Gwen Stacy. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. And for the last two years, I've been the one and only Spider-Woman. You guys know the rest."

before we get started, there’s some things that are going to be pointed out here (plz read they are important)

if you’d like to ask gwen anything, use the ask box! it is open for that reason (if talking to mun, pls clarify)

if you’d like to rp but dont know if ill say yes, just ask. im like a 99 percent chance of saying yes

im cool with anything as long as it doesnt involve nsfw

i have a wack time schedule so there will be days where i am radio silent. i swear i am not ignoring you (just priv msg me if you want to double check)

my main blog is @flowered-bicycles if you want to check it out!

i also roleplay as @lyrate-lifeform-approximation (LYLA) & @i-love-vines (Spider-Terra)

mun goes by soka but will normally be referred to as gwen's mun, or not at all

as hard as i will try to be gwen's canon self, i may end up throwing a bit of myself into the rp. pls dont hate, just let me know nicely

gwen will be movie based as i dont have enough knowledge about the comics

[], {} or // will be used when ooc (when mun is speaking)

roleplay is normally in 3rd pov but basic posts and/or asks will be 1st pov

extra and disclaimer! - this is strictly an rp blog (yes i may act and speak and react like gwen, but i am in no way actually her. i am in no way affiliated with marvel (unless you count fan as being affiliated) so this is completely fanmade!

feel free (much encouraged) to like, reblog or send/asks and make comments! the ask box has anon on as well, so if you are shy, anon is on just for you! if you wish, giving an emoji for me to recognize you by would be greatly appreciated! you can leave comments and ill try to reply to them.

BLOG RULES

you may use “potty mouth” when rping, but dont “over curse” iykwim

gwen is a teenager, remember that, so she obviously does not have many romantic interests. if you want to make a relationship with her, dm me and we will figure something out (the only acceptable ships are with other teenagers (hence, teenage spider gang))

keep this SFW blog! (which means NO SMUT TALK!!! violence and gore are accepted tho so be warned)

keep the asks RESPECTFUL please. i will block you if you dont

uncomfortable topics will be blatantly ignored

dont godmod

have fun!

about GWEN

ghost-spider

spider-woman

based on earth 65

teenage spider gang

ballet dancer

works for spider society

friends & foes

canon

miguel o'hara - @spiderman2-99

peter b parker - @peterbsideparker

hobie brown - @spiderpunkofficial

pavitr prabhakar - @pavitr-prabhakar-50101

noir - @noir-spider-noir

miles morales - @whosmoraless

other/oc

mila - @crybaby-spider

spider-glow - @glowing-arachnid

bridge - @nan0-sp1der

gwendolyn stark - @gwendolynstark

[evita-shelby]

The Witch and the Journalist

or Eva meets Florence and shenanigans ensue

Florence Fletcher belongs to @wonderlanddreamer thanks for letting me play with the blorbo from your brain

When Eva wakes up hungover the next morning, she remembers something far worse than falling off the wagon with her new friend last night.

She admitted to things that could have her hung or burned at the stake.

Even worse she admitted to those things to a fucking journalist.

While Florence means well, her desire to get one of her stories to take off and change the world interferes with Eva’s desire to not die.

The witch then makes the choice between letting the young woman ruin her life or possibly destroying something that could develop into actual friendship and not a girl working to get some information from her.

It's not very difficult to pick the locks of her door and take what she needs. Eva had done plenty of this since she was a teenager who convinced her mother to teach her how to pick locks with a hat pin. The jiggling of the lock, with the all too familiar sense of urgency, brought back that time at fourteen when she picked the lock of the governor’s office at a baptism at his country home.

There was no Santiago to tell her what to look for, nor Ignacio to be on the lookout, just her and the knowledge that Florence Fletcher is getting into hot water with the Shelbys right now.

Still she’s barely done getting all she needs when her second sight warns her of a second person on here with her.

“What could she have on you that would have the mysterious Miss Smith breaking into a journalist's office?” Thomas Shelby asks, having come in to do the same.

“Same as you, Mr. Shelby. Though I’d be far more careful around the barmaid, she works for the Crown.” The witch answers, hiding her delight in shocking him with the news the pretty barmaid was just acting on orders to seduce him. “And if you are here, then I have approximately a good five minutes to pull my vanishing act.”

The former spy dashed out with all the notes about her in her black leather satchel relieved Florence will be too preoccupied with Tommy Shelby to notice the entire notebook containing hers and Shelby’s things gone.

She will give it back, Florence is not beyond reason and will agree to her terms. Besides, Tommy Shelby already did the heavy lifting, Eva doesn’t need to do more than just ask her to omit those things. Florence will have a nice little interview of the mystery girl in black who will garner enough sympathy to have the Crown approve her request for asylum.

Barring that, the witch will find a man to marry and claim citizenship via him. Maybe convince Shelby she’ll forgive the debt of the compromised liquor in exchange for his hand in marriage as her uncle suggested.

He’s good looking, he’s good in the sack ---according to Lizzie--- and she has more than enough money to put his ambition to good use. Her family’s shipping company needs a man like him to get them further than the paltry office in Poplar her Uncle Jack managed to keep when they went under five years ago.

But enough about that, right now, a fuming Florence is about to come knocking after Tommy taunted her with catching Eva there too.

3

2

1

Eva has tea laid out on the coffee table by the time the aspiring journalist barged into 71 Watery Lane furious at this betrayal.

“If you didn’t want me to write it, you could’ve just said so!” she shouts indignantly that Eva would not trust her to keep her mouth shut.

“I am sorry, I was in a bind and should have just asked you to omit whatever may send me to my death, but I wasn’t sure which crimes I admitted too and I feared you were the type to prioritize your work over the lives of the people you were writing about.” The young woman apologizes, knowing Florence will forgive her for it because she’s just gotten a reminder of her own mortality at the hands of Tommy Shelby. “For that, I am so very sorry, and I completely understand if you never wish to speak to me again.”

Eva would like to be friends; she’s never had a friend who was a journalist before. They were usually people seeking to exploit her or dead for provoking the wrong people. It might be nice to have one not wishing to harm her or her family’s reputation.

A shame she’s getting on the Shelby’s black books, but they won’t kill her. John Shelby wouldn’t at least.

Florence is taken aback by her words, surprised at how dire Eva’s situation truly is and that she has given the impression of not caring who she puts in danger for writing her stories. “What do you mean killed?”

“I am wanted by two countries, Florence, if I publicly admit to things like the Benton Affair or the getting an Irishman drunk enough to bomb America, even my family’s money won’t be enough to save me. It was barely the first time. Trust me, if my life or that of my family’s was on the line, I wouldn’t have broken into your house to steal this.” The witch produces the notebook containing Eva’s interview and her notes on the Shelbys that the younger woman ---really just a year or two younger than her--- had believed were destroyed by Tommy.

A good bluff on Shelby’s part. At least there is some honor in him. Lesser men would’ve thrown her under the bus. He merely taunted Florence with implying Eva had helped him enter the house to destroy her trust in her.

“I suppose I can forgive you…this time.” the journalist is wary of her, worse than before, but it will be mended in time.

“And I promise not to do that again.” A promise the Mexican heiress intends to keep so long as Florence can keep herself from trying to get herself killed and taking Eva with her.

They sit and take tea together, after all she came all the way here and her expose om the gang was not all destroyed as she had believed.

“So you and Tommy Shelby?” Florence asks, still thinking they were in cahoots.

“Mere coincidence. Assumed he would come later, miscalculation on my part.” Eva answered, revealing nothing about her clairvoyance. That part will come later. “Though between you and me, he wishes.”

The Benton Affair: murder of British man in Mexico by Pancho Villa and his right hand, Roberto Fierro in Zacatecas 1914. William Benton was cast out of his lands for being a foreigner exploiting Mexicans, allegedly demanded his lands back thus pissing off Villa and Fiero getting him killed. as usual countries like the US and the UK got mad about it and painted Villa and Fierro as the bad guys as they were anti-foreigners owning Mexican lands and businesses(due to all the exploitation they were doing and still are to this day)

[ideas-on-paper]

Rannoch researches - Part 1: Astrophysics, formation of the Tikkun system and origin of life on Rannoch

[Potential spoilers for the Mass Effect trilogy]

Alright, I finally, finally made it to the Rannoch arc of ME3 - and while it absolutely freaking destroyed me on an emotional level, I was nevertheless very excited to see the Quarian homeworld in person. I mean, it's one thing to just read the entries on the wiki, but virtually being there and flying around in the star system is something entirely else.

As you might know, I'm very interested in any lore about the Quarians and Geth, specifically everything that's related to Rannoch's culture previous to the Morning War, and being able to set foot on the site is like a dream come true for me. (Having an idea of the place you're researching just immensely helps with visualization. xD)

However, being my nerdy self, I decided to try and explore Rannoch's history a little further, beyond the Morning War and even the advent of Quarian civilization - that is to say, the history of Rannoch's star system. I'm aware that this topic might be a little dry to some people, since it has nothing to do with ME's story as a whole and basically just covers the scientific background. However, after researching about it, I must say that I find it to be quite fascinating, and I certainly learned a lot of things about astrophysics, the origin of life, and the universe as a whole along the way.

Disclaimer: I should mention that I'm neither an astrophysicist nor a chemist, and all my knowledge about the topic stems from self-study. Therefore, it's possible that some of my conclusions and projections might be scientifically inaccurate; if someone has more expertise in these fields than me, feel free to point any error out to me. For the sake of understandability, I will try to explain all facts as simply as possible.

The age of the Tikkun system

Before actually being able to travel to the system in Mass Effect 3, Legion already gives us a little trivia about Rannoch and its star in ME2. When Shepard inquires what the Quarian homeworld is like, they respond with:

"It is more arid than Earth. The star is older and more orange than Sol."

In combination with the information that Rannoch's star Tikkun has about 90% of the Sun's mass and half of its luminosity (which we learn from the planet's description), we can conclude two things:

Tikkun is older than 4.6 billion years (the approximate age of our Sun).

Tikkun is a K-type main-sequence star, sometimes also called orange dwarfs due to their emitted light being in the orange spectrum.

From an astrophysical perspective, these two pieces of information complement each other nicely: Since K-type stars are generally more stable than stars of the G-class like our Sun, they also have longer lifespans (about 17 - 70 billion years, in contrast to the estimated 10 billion of the Sun), which means that a K-type star that formed long before our Sun could still exist without issue.

Also, despite being colder and less luminous than G-type stars, K-type stars are considered to be of particular interest in the search for extraterrestrial life, if only for the reason that their extended lifespan gives organic life more time to develop. Furthermore, K-stars emit less total UV light and ionizing radiation than G-type stars, which are known to be damaging to DNA and thus would hinder the development of extraterrestrial life.

However, it's still debated how beneficial these presumed advantages actually are: Due to their lower heat emission, planets would have to orbit closer to K-type stars to have habitable temperatures, which might offset any benefit from a lower UV output. Also, while the total UV radiation is lower, K-type stars emit higher levels of X-rays and far ultraviolet light (F-UV) during their early lifespan, which may act sterilizing and destroy any atmosphere, thus preventing the emergence of organic life (or at least significantly delaying it).

Still, there is a factor that might have made it possible for life to develop on Rannoch after all: metallicity. Metallicity denotes the abundance of heavy elements in a star, although the term "metals" is a bit misleading - it's not about metals in the actual sense, but rather every element that is heavier than hydrogen and helium. Hydrogen and helium are the two lightest elements and the first to exist immediately after the Big Bang (in addition to small quantities of lithium), and all other elements were created by nuclear fusion in stars and then ejected into interstellar space by supernovae. Consequentially, that means the older a star is, the less heavy elements it contains (there are exceptions to this rule, however).

Now, the interesting part about this is that very recently, scientists have found out that planets orbiting metal-poor stars might actually be more habitable to organic life: Although metal-poor stars emit more total UV radiation compared to metal-rich stars, the spectrum of the emitted UV light strongly differs. Metal-poor stars emit more short-wave UV-C light, while metal-rich stars predominantly emit the longer-waved UV-B light. The difference is that while UV-B light acts destructive to any ozonosphere, UV-C light actually supports the formation of an ozone layer. It may seem like a bit of a paradox that a certain spectrum of UV light benefits the formation of an atmosphere protecting the planet from cytotoxic UV radiation, but what we can surmise is that metal-poor stars are generally more life-friendly.

However, Rannoch's star system potentially being very old by galactic standards introduces yet another problem: At first, scientists suspected that metal-rich stars are overall more likely to possess planetary systems, particularly such that include terrestrial planets. This was probably due to the assumption that since heavy elements were not that abundant in the beginning of the universe, terrestrial planets were also not very common back then, although further observation has shown that smaller exoplanets exist around stars with a range of metallicities. Evidence suggests, however, that large gas giants are more likely to form around planets with high metallicity - perhaps because cores containing a large amount of heavy elements exert a stronger gravitational force on light gases.

Still, the issue remains that the cores of planets which formed during the early phase of the universe most likely contain next to no heavy elements. This is important because the iron and nickel core of Earth is one of the main reasons life was able to develop on our planet in the first case: The heavy elements in the core are responsible for Earth's magnetic field, which stabilizes the atmosphere and protects it from being blown away by solar winds. So, presuming that Rannoch's core is composed of a larger portion of light elements, it would have a weaker magnetic field than Earth, which in turn would make it harder for the planet to develop a life-essential atmosphere.

Either way, we can surmise that the question whether a planet is actually habitable depends on various different factors, and it once again proves what a delicate balance has to be met for organic life to develop. In case of Rannoch, it's worth mentioning that Rannoch's atmosphere is stated to be slightly thinner than Earth's (0.93 atm). So, if Tikkun is indeed an old, metal-poor star, perhaps the influence of the increased UV-C radiation is just enough to offset all other atmosphere-depleting factors, like F-UV radiation, x-ray radiation, and solar winds. Also, it's noted that Haza, the only gas giant of the Tikkun system, is comparatively small; thinking back to the observations that large gas giants predominantly form around stars with high metallicity, this might suggest that the percentage of heavy elements in Haza's core is pretty low, which in turn could hint at the system's high age.

Life based on dextro amino acids - proof of Rannoch's age?

However, there might be another, even more convincing indicator that Tikkun is pretty ancient by astronomical standards: As we know, life on Rannoch is based on dextro amino acids, including the Quarians who are the only dextro species in the galaxy aside from the Turians, with all others being levo amino-based. For a long time, scientists have been speculating why lifeforms on Earth consist pretty much exclusively of L-acids (levo), and why there are sugars (e.g. glucose) consisting of D-molecules (dextro), but no proteinogenic (protein-creating) acids. Theoretically, the chemical construction of D- and L-acids is exactly the same - the only thing that's different is the way the molecules reflect light, which is clockwise for D-acids and counterclockwise for L-acids (a property known as "chirality"). This may not sound like much, but it has major consequences: As a result, D- and L-acids are entirely incompatible with each other, acting like image and mirror image. (Just as a side note because I keep hearing that Quarians consist of "completely different" molecules than humans and thus are completely different lifeforms: Broken down to their chemical components, D- and L-acids don't differ from each other at all - it's basically the same, just the other way around.)

Meanwhile, the American chemist Ronald Breslow has proposed that the reason why L-amino acids are dominant on Earth has something to do with electromagnetic radiation: Going by the panspermia hypothesis, the molecules of life spread through the universe by means of meteoroids, asteroids, comets, and other matter. However, on their way through space, these molecules are subjected to the radiation of neutron stars and pulsars, and it's been observed that dextro amino acids get destroyed more easily by neutron star radiation than their levo counterparts. Thus, the meteoroids that fell down on Earth contained more L-acids than D-acids. Since amino acids of the same kind paired up with one another and became crystallized, the only ones that remained were those that couldn't find any partner: the excess L-acids, which were dissolved in the water and eventually became the components of organic life.

Now, one thing to keep in mind is that neutron stars and pulsars are objects that form after a dying star turns into a supernova. Logically, this would mean that the older the universe gets, the more neutron stars are created, and consequentially, their number must have been lower during the early stages. If this is true, the radiation hazard must have been lower as well, and presuming that the quantity of D-amino acids contained in a meteorite exceeded those of L-acids, it could've led to life developing along an alternate path on a different planet - even Breslow himself considered it a possibility that life based on D-acids and L-sugars might exist elsewhere in the universe.

This would lead to the conclusion that the Quarians as a species are way older than humans - and potentially, the majority of the other races in the galaxy. What makes this even better is that it actually lines up very nicely with the comment from Erinya's bondmate (the Asari you meet on Illium during the sidequest "Medical Scans" in ME2) that Quarians have "old souls". (I'm not entirely sure how Asari are able to determine how old someone's soul is, but then again, I never quite understood their esoteric mindset. xD) Going from this, it might mean that the Turians are another "old" species of the galaxy, since they developed based on dextro acids as well - either way, I quite like this theory, since it not only fits in with the lore but would also make sense from a scientific point of view.

Rannoch's position in the Milky Way

However, as with pretty much all good theories, there is just one problem: Rannoch's position in the Milky Way. In 2016, scientists created the first global age map of the galaxy based on observations of 100,000 red giants, coming to the conclusion that the oldest, most metal-poor stars are located in the galaxy's center and in the halo (the roughly spherical space surrounding our galaxy, acting as a kind of "border zone"). Furthermore, they observed that with increasing distance from the galactic center, the stars of the disk (the "flat" level that the spiral arms are on) get younger the farther away they are - and with the Tikkun system being located at the disk's very edge, this puts my theory in a somewhat precarious place.

However, at the same time, the stars' age increases the greater the vertical distance from the galactic disk is (to put it simply, the oldest stars are found above and below the disk). At first, this led me to the suspicion that the Tikkun system might actually be located in the halo, since the galaxy map of Mass Effect is only in 2D and doesn't account for the 3D aspect. However, I was stopped short by the realization that the halo contains no interstellar medium - that is to say, clouds of gas and dust which are essential for the formation of solar systems. With nebulae (like the Perseus Veil) also being part of the interstellar medium, this makes a localization of Tikkun in the halo extremely unlikely. Still, one thing I did find out that Tikkun is probably located "above" most of the rest of the Milky Way: Due to the dented shape of the disk (which is suspected to be caused by the rotating movement of the galaxy's center), the regions at the outer edge of our galaxy are significantly bent upwards and downwards. I actually managed to find a three-dimensional map depicting the position of our solar system, making it possible to deduce the position of the Tikkun system in relation to it, which would most likely be located near the "raised" partition of the disk (see image below).

This 3D map of the Milky Way galaxy shows the position of our Solar system, and if compared to this Mass Effect galaxy map, we can conclude that the Tikkun system would be somewhere on the right, where the "ridge" is (Edited image; original picture source)

Still, that doesn't mean my speculations are completely off the table: In a more recent study from 2023, a team of scientists did a metallicity profile of the Milky Way's stars, starting from the galactic center all the way to the outer rim. During their survey, they not only observed a spike of metal-rich stars around 23,000 light years from the center (with 26,000 light years distance from the center, our solar system lies quite close to it), but also an unusually high quantity of metal-poor stars about 50,000 light years from the galactic center.

Granted, there is a correlation between the age of a star and metallicity, but as I already pointed out above, this doesn't always have to be the case. In fact, each of the three star populations - young, intermediate, and old - displays the trait of a higher metallicity near the center and a lower metallicity at the outskirts. Then again, the oldest, most metal-poor stars of the galaxy are also found in the center, and the research group has acknowledged that one reason for the steep decrease of metallicity near the outer edge might be that our estimates of the extent of the Milky Way's disk are off. Either way, a diagram from the study shows that old stars still exist up to a radius of 12 kpc (approx. 40,000 light years), with their luminosity decreasing the farther away from the center they're located. In the study, "old stars" were classified as those with an age of 8-12 GYR/8-12 billion years, so this would be my rough estimate for the age of the Tikkun system as well.

Another explanation for the rapid decrease of metallicity near the outer rim that has been proposed is the collision with a former, metal-poor dwarf galaxy. This galaxy would have been engulfed and later absorbed by the Milky Way, with its metal-poor gas being used as the building material for new stars. If this was true, perhaps the Perseus Veil might even be a remnant of this collision, consisting of gas formerly belonging to this dwarf galaxy. Going by the description from the Codex, the Perseus Veil is an opaque nebula in the colors of "purple and gold", suggesting that it might consist of a combination of emission nebulae (those that emit light in the visible spectrum, hence the striking colors) and dark nebulae. Dark nebulae absorb the wavelengths of light visible to the human eye, effectively concealing any stellar objects behind them (still, objects obscured by them can be observed with radio or infrared telescopes, which is a little curious considering that the Codex entry says "the Veil's total opacity prevents Council intelligence from surveying Geth activity"; however, it's possible that the Geth are using technology to disrupt those frequencies, not wanting organic races to spy on what they're doing). Dark nebulae in particular are also known to be the birthplace of many stars and planets, which makes them a likely candidate for the origin of the Tikkun system.

However, there is also the possibility that the Tikkun system might not be located in, but rather behind the nebula. The form of dark nebulae tends to be very irregular, with no clearly defined boundaries and far-ranging, serpentine shapes. In the night sky, they appear as dark patches, which is a phenomenon we know from the Great Rift, clouds of interstellar gas and dust obscuring much of our view from the Milky Way (for avid star gazers, this is indeed the dark band that stretches across the "bright band" of the Milky Way). This is due to the Rift being located between the inner edge of the Orion arm (which is the spiral arm where our Solar System is located), and the Sagittarius Arm, the next arm inward; thus, the Great Rift effectively blocks our view of the Galactic center. So, perhaps something similar might be the case for the Perseus Veil, with the Veil being located in-between the closest spiral arm and Quarian/Geth space. (This would also make sense considering that the Quarians/Geth occupied more clusters than just Tikkun, for example the Far Rim; the fact that multiple clusters are obscured by the Perseus Veil would support the theory of it being a more extensive interstellar cloud instead of a nebula that only contains the Tikkun system, despite Tikkun's cluster being labeled "Perseus Veil").

Also, keeping the 3D-perspective in mind, the elevated position of Tikkun (and probably the other systems as well) would mean that observers from other star clusters have to look "up" at them, which might indicate that the Perseus Veil is located slightly below the Tikkun system. (As an allegory, imagine spanning a dark piece of fabric between you and a lamp at your ceiling.) This allows for some interesting speculation what our galaxy might look like from Rannoch's night sky, as our position on one of the spiral arms also affects what we can see of the Milky Way. In that sense, Rannoch might even be in a more "ideal" location to observe the galaxy as a whole, its elevated position granting something like a top-down view of the Milky Way. From the northern hemisphere, you would have a good view at the stars of the halo and other galaxies, while on the southern hemisphere, you would look directly at the dark "rift" of the Perseus Veil. One might wonder what kind of influence this had on Quarian mythology - considering the huge significance stars held in human culture, we can assume that the same is true for the Quarians, if not more.

Organic life: a temporary phenomenon?

Anyway, regardless whether my theories are true or not, I certainly found it very interesting to think about how life could've developed on a planet like Rannoch, and I think the possibility of there being an extraterrestrial civilization which is much older than ours is extremely fascinating. Still, one thing my researches taught me is that on a galactic level, creation and destruction often lie very close together: When a star dies and goes supernova, all life on the planets around it is naturally extinguished. However, the gas and matter from the dying star go on to become the building material for a new generation of stars, thus creating a new chance for life to emerge on other planets. The interesting question is though whether this cycle will continue indefinitely, or if there is some kind of natural limit to it. (As a fair warning, this is about to get a little existential.)

What stirred this thought in me is the observation that with growing age, the universe will become increasingly hostile to life, as each new generation of stars will contain more heavy elements. As explained above, this will lead to the stars emitting more hazardous radiation, which at some point could reach an amount that prevents the development of life altogether. So: Does that mean that organic life is really just a temporary phenomenon, and is our existence nothing more than a tiny episode in the grand history of the universe?

Regarding Mass Effect specifically, I wonder whether the Reapers are actually aware of this - I mean, a universe without life might mean that they'd be potentially jobless at some point. xD On the other hand, perhaps this is precisely the motivation behind their harvests: If organic life is truly just "an accident", as Sovereign says, maybe this is why the Reapers were talking about the "ascent" of humanity when turning all of them into a giant bio-machine in ME2. Maybe they actually intend to bypass the pre-destined extinction of organic races by lifting them onto a higher evolutionary plane.

Before you ask, yes, I've played the Leviathan DLC, and yes, I'm aware what the Reapers' purpose is in canon - however, I couldn't help but feel that the explanation of "AI and organics are destined to fight" is a tad bit lame, and on top of that, it leaves open so many plot holes and loose ends that never get addressed. So, I guess I would've preferred if they went with a more philosophical approach like this. (Especially since it not only seems to be implied, but also fits the overall setting quite well.)

Anyway, that's enough talk for today - I hope you enjoyed this deep dive into Rannoch's astrophysical background, as well as my conjectures how it all may fit in with real-life science. I'm definitely planning to make this into a longer series, but I need to figure out how day and year cycles work on Rannoch first. In fact, if anyone of you has sufficient mathematical knowledge, I would be very grateful for any assistance in calculating how fast time passes on Rannoch - we do know that it has a slightly lower gravitation than Earth (0.89 g), and since theory of relativity exists, that means time passes faster on Rannoch than on our planet.

It might take me a while before I'll be able to continue this series (if simply for the reason that posts like these take a lot of time and effort to make), but still, thank you for your attention!

[tgrailwar-zero]

Father, Archime-dad, poppop!

How are you here?

He raised an eyebrow, before his eyes slightly narrowed. Not in any emotion you could easily parse- maybe you could approximate it as the face someone would make when someone said something just a little bit stupid, but not dumb enough to have a proper reaction towards, and not intelligent enough to even warrant engaging with.

Not annoyance, not anger, just a neutral expression that came and went, and was usually what happened when he was thinking.

Specifically, he was making a note. Filing it away.

He had made plenty of 'notes' before. And you… something about you… knew that this was the sort of note he made when ironing things out, finding what was 'defective'.

It didn't feel good when he started taking notes.

A red pen, making a mark and then moving on.

"I won't take all the credit, but I did the majority of the work."

"Hm. 'What' rather than 'Who' is a productive question in this circumstance. I'm more of an 'artificial Archimedes' put together by your splintered mind. Partially a memory, partially a hallucination, partially a diagnostic check of sorts. With that being said, my 'knowledge base' is centered around your own. Not your current one, but the one that you keep locked in a box, deep within your subconscious. So, when it comes to a question that goes beyond your former knowledge base like--"

"A definitive 'yes or no' would be out of the question. However, I'm sure you can use some deductive reasoning to try and piece together a theory as we talk. But, that's irrelevant right now."

"This is a purely mental event. No phenomenon like time stopping, or the world freezing. Though the sensation may be akin to that. Regardless, they cannot talk with you."

"There must have been a calmer way to ask that question. In fact, there was. If they could hear you, you'd sound hysterical. They're here, but we're having a conversation, so you can forget about them for now. Let's talk actionable terms. You're going to stand still, and you're going to be nice and patient as I clear out the bugs from your system."

A pause, a nod. A note.

"That seems to be a running theme, yes? One of you says that, another says differently, and your hands eternally twitch without doing anything. As I said, your efficiency has been drastically reduced. Still, while it's worded in a more pedestrian manner than what I'd prefer, the content is not completely disappointing."

"You're still semi-functional. Good."

"Speaking of your faulty programming. I have to admit, seeing you in this state makes me feel… well, it certainly serves to confirm some of my points of view. Your body is destroyed, and you're pieced together by runes from a bygone era and a rapidly depleting sense of pluck. It's a shame about your body. That doll carapace was a masterpiece in and of itself."

[strangermoons]

The Beat Has Just Begun: chapter 5 extras

Happy birthday to this story! We've come a long way, baby. First fic I ever wrote that made it past the 5K mark, and only the second one I've finished.

I don't have anything research-related to say about this chapter so instead I'll ramble behind the cut about my general approach to the geography of Hawkins.

There is, to my knowledge, no official map of Hawkins. There are prop maps, but they differ from season to season. I found a reddit post that tried to place on-screen locations on a map based on various clues given in the show, and that generated a map unlike any of the prop maps I've found. What, then, is a literal-minded pedantic little nerd to do?

Well, I ended up taking the season 3 prop map that Hopper steals from the mayor's house in episode 4 (mostly because I found a nice scan of it early on when writing this story) and built my own version of Hawkins on top of it which I try to keep consistent. During my note-taking rewatch I made sure to note down every mentioned address and every legible street sign, and jotted down the name and approximate location of every business that appeared on-screen. I then reconciled this with the prop map, where possible.

I ran into issues pretty early on; for one thing, the route to Hopper's cabin goes from “take Denfield, then you’ll see a large oak tree. You’re gonna swing a right. That road is gonna dead-end. And it’s about a 5-minute walk from there.” in S2E9 to Hopper driving right up to the porch in S3E2. The Mayfield-Hargrove home mysteriously relocates from Old Cherry Road (S2E2) to 4819 Cherry Lane (S3E8). In S2E9 Hopper meets up with Sam Owens at a diner - or is it a bar? there are pool tables - called The Hideaway, but in S4E1 Eddie's extremely improbable* Corroded Coffin gigs are at a dive bar called The Hideout. Now, it's not impossible that two establishments in a small town would have such similar names, but it does seem a bit silly. If they're both supposed to be the same establishment it's kind of a sloppy mistake.

And then there are things like: Forest Hills trailer park is apparently seven miles away from the Wheelers' home on Maple Street. How big is Hawkins even supposed to be?

In the end I figured the most important thing was to have an internally consistent version of the town in my head that I could draw on when I'm writing, just so I don't end up making something a 10-minute walk in one scene and a 20-minute drive in another. I've tried to use street names from either the show or the prop map where possible, and supplemented by googling "Indiana native trees" and "Indiana historical figures" when necessary. When it comes to state-level geography I've plopped Hawkins more or less on top of Muncie because it's just easier to drop a pin in a real location and get google maps to spit out how long it would take to drive to Cincinnati, or whatever. Also, the S3 prop map has a little dot giving an approximate location in the state of Indiana that more or less lines up with where Muncie is and the throwaway WJRB 9 news report at the end of S4E9 where they say “the quaint town of Hawkins, 80 miles outside of Indianapolis.”

If this all seems like a lot of work: I don't know what to tell you. It feels necessary to my process? Like, you should see the spreadsheets. I have one that's just a list of all the tertiary characters that've appeared in my stories, with notes on whether they're canon (or canon-based) or full-on OCs, their approximate age, which stories they've appeared in, first or last names I've assigned canon characters that don't have them, relationships with other characters and any other relevant details. I have another one that's got a sheet with the timeline of TBHJB complete with which day of the week it is and notes on what happened when, and a separate sheet with a rough shift schedule for Family Video spanning several weeks. I honestly don't know that I could write anything at all without using these documents.

If you read this far: Wow, really? Thanks for reading 💀

*Corroded Coffin is a high school band, why on earth would they have a weekly standing gig? They don't even draw a crowd! The bar has zero incentive to let them keep playing!

[jackwattersdt3gameuiux]

UI Part 1

TITLE SCREEN:

These are all the assets I've created to put together an interesting and engaging title screen that both presents interest in visual flare and readability. My colour pallet here consists of reds and blues, two contrasting colours, but also some golden yellows to contrast with the blues to increase visibility of the play text upon the dark blue which it lies upon.

A problem I encountered when creating animations for the titlescreen is that it's swoopin animator is the same as the end screen's swoopin animator. Meaning whatever the length of my endscreen is, the same will be for my title screen swoopin. That proposes a very interesting problem where my titlescreen wont appear for approximately 12 seconds because of my endscreen animation's length as it concludes the story told throughout the game. Suddenly I have all this empty space, and I know I won't get marked down for it because it's something I can't control, but I still want to find a way to mask it. So I did. I added these loading screen animations to it. It keeps the audience engaged, telling them the game is loading which will make them wait with the knowledge something is coming, rather than waiting on an empty screen. If it were up to me the game would immediately swing in, but that's something I can't control. I chose a nice light pink colour so it starkly contrasts with the tone of the background as to make it visible, but not the colour as it shouldn't completely take over the attention of the viewer, and it looks more pleasing this way. The font I used was Verdana, a very practicle font I used throughout lots of my UI elements. Consistency is key.

The dark blue button contrasts, but doesn't completely overtake the background (being similar in tone) which means that the play button will be noticed after the title logo whilst still being immediately visible with the contrasting gold text. The font I used was the simple and plane Verdana, it contrasts well with the logo font, and should arguably be the more readable of the two, while the logo should be the more stylized.

The title logo was originally going to be without the dragon head. I thought it looked really uninteresting outside of the crown i dot. So I added the damage meter bar to the logo, recoloured it to fit the colour scheme and to give more context. If you read the name king's request alone, you might wonder what the king is requesting. Since I have the severed dragon head there, the user can assume that the king has requested at the very least the death of monsters. The brightness of the dragon head also plays into the design hierarchy, you notice the logo more because the dragon head actively contrasts against the red background, then since it relates to the play button in colour, it stays consistent to the design of the UI. This font I used is called Newcomen. It's probably the only medieval styled font that's also readable, I still don't really like the "t" shape, but the rest works thematically. And, in all honesty, I think the point of a logo is to communicate thematic, and this font is perfect for that.

When you hit the play button the screen will slide to the side revealing the first page (left), then the second page (right). Both pages focus on two different characters. First introducing the knight, where they arrive at the kingdom, then the second page introducing and focusing on the king, where commands the knight to kill the bat creature (I talk about page design in the page development sections). That page then fades to reveal the first stage and this text:

Which sort of pops out and fades, informing the player that you have to kill for the king. This text is important in introducing two things, 1. You are killing these creatures for the king, 2. 3d text will appear after every transition. I chose this bright green so it stands out.

[stateofdreaming14]

Ok so there's this post that I've been thinking about a lot that basically amounts to 'i can't believe ppl actually care that Rose was 19 and the doctor was 900' and I've been trying to ignore it bc I don't care that much for starting fights over something like this (can't stress enough that you can go ahead and like whatever ships you want whether I agree with the ship or not. Go off) but, I do have many thoughts on it.

First off, I'm the type of person who just hates doctor/companion ships in general. It's a type of relationship where the dynamics of power are clearly unbalanced. The doctor is always the one in control of their adventures. If they want to go they have to be nice to him, and if they don't want to be stranded fuck knows where then they better listen to him (the doctor might not actually do that but he has threatened it at times like in Father's Day). He is also always the more knowledgeable one and the one they depend on to save them in the majority of situations.

When it comes to Rose in particular, her being incredibly young is baked into her character from the beginning. She is introduced as an aimless 19 y/o with no ambitions, no marketable skills, and stuck at a dead end job (which got blown up like ten minutes in). That's the very reason she wants to travel with the doctor. She feels stuck in this awkward time of her life where she has no purpose. Running away on some adventure, then, becomes her avoiding the growing pains of that precise time in one's life. So when she is forced back into her normal life, she doesn't see the point of any of it. She would rather give up everything and everyone (even her own life) to travel with the doctor. Reminder that holding the keys to the tardis is a big power the doctor has over his companions, and he can (and does) take the privilege away at any time. So for Rose, who gets self esteem and purpose from traveling with him, this power is doubled.

Not to mention that season one reminded us of her age constantly. The big emotional through line for the doctor (besides him dealing with time war aftermath) was his need to keep rose safe. He felt immense guilt at putting her into such dangerous situations. Whenever it seemed like shed died he'd say with great emotions, "she was only 19 years old, and now she's dead because of me. Because I brought her here" (not an exact quote but an approximate recreation of something he said often enough). The first season took her age very seriously. It was only season 2 where that stopped. Likely bc they couldn't pass up the chemistry between the two actors. (Of course even 9 and rose flirted often but they both insisted nothing was between them until the season end kiss).

And, of course, the show messed up by starting comparisons between her and Martha in season three. Martha by comparison is a woman with her life together. She has so many things outside of the doctor, which is why she's one of the few companions who chose to leave on her own. She isn't dependant on the doctor for her self worth. She has her life planned to some extent. The most she can complain about is a complicated family dynamic that forces her to be the mediator. Even more, she is defined by being mature, capable, and intelligent. This isn't a dig at rose btw, but that wasn't her at all. Her strengths were more in connecting with people, and it was often noted that she started to treat their travels like a game as time went on. She was often making jokes and highlighting the fun side of the adventures. All of her moments of going off on her own were characterized by her repeating things the doctor has said or observing things to tell the doctor later. There is even a part where 10 says that he wishes rose was there instead of Martha bc she would have figured everything out, much to the confusion of everyone who I've ever watched that episode with. It might have been the most delusional thing he ever said, and forced the audience to focus on how blatantly untrue that is. She would probably be flirting, making goofy jokes, or, at best, throwing out any idea that pops into her head until something sparked the doctor's thoughts. There is no way she'd be any better than Martha (who has already proved how capable she is by this point).

This isn't really supposed to be a hate post for any character or ship. But it is worth saying that it's perfectly reasonable to hate doctor/rose and also very reasonable to be squicked out by the age gap. Acting like ppl who dislike aspects of your ship are all unreasonable ppl who can't differentiate between fiction and reality is such a cope. Aspects of the ship are bad/weird. If you still like it regardless then just own it. Not everyone CAN just ignore certain aspects and enjoy it without thoughts. I'm sure there would be things I can get past that they can't. Just don't try to pretend you're so prosecuted for enjoying the main ship of three seasons that the majority of the fandom like just bc some ppl can't.

Anyway, rant over. Like I said, the post annoyed me but it's not worth fighting over so I probs won't even add tags. If doctor/rose shippers find it and get offended that's on them.

[yumitsukiyoru]

The Journey of a Novice Weed Grower: From Seeds to Harvest

Exploring the World of Home Cannabis Cultivation

What if I told you that it’s no longer necessary to suffer from “anxiety” or “migraines.” That you can dispense with finding innocuous emojis to help launder those quarterly $60 Venmo payments to your “friend” from college. That the days of relying on the charity of an elderly in-law undergoing cancer treatment have passed.

While the City of Fredericksburg will hold Earth Day festivities on Saturday, for many of us April 20 has always signified a different — if not wholly unrelated — holiday.

As of July 2021, the Virginia General Assembly passed into law 4.1-1101, making it legal for a person over the age of 21 to cultivate up to four marijuana plants “for personal use.”

A year later, I decided to take our fine legislators at their word.

The Journey Begins

It started with a white envelope, no larger than a business card, with the words “Banana OG” scrawled on the front in red pen. Inside were approximately 20 seeds, generously gifted by a fellow teacher at my wife’s former school.

My dad always likes to proclaim that the internet is “the seat of all knowledge,” and when it came to growing weed, he was absolutely correct. The first stop on my informational journey was r/microgrowery, a subreddit dedicated to the small-scale cultivation of cannabis. Inside the community’s sidebar, you’ll find a “beginner’s guide.”

At this point, I find it necessary to make a few disclosures. I’m not exactly a novice when it comes to growing things.

Each summer, the small strip between my driveway and fence line teems with tomatoes, peppers, and — when the pollination gods gaze favorably upon me — zucchini and other assorted squashes (including an accidental pumpkin patch whose harvest coincided nicely with this past Halloween!). My herb garden stands as a testament to the potency of Fredericksburg’s feral cat colonies as fertilizer (wish I were joking).

I largely understand sunlight, water, airflow and soil as a growing medium.

So, in March 2022, I asked myself: “How different could weed be?” The next six months would hold the answer to my folly.

The Germination Process

Back to the white envelope.

I plunked a few seeds into a mason jar filled with tap water, having first allowed the water to sit undisturbed for a day to allow any chlorine to dissipate. The idea here is to soften the seed’s outer shell to expedite the germination process.

After approximately 48 hours, I saw one of the seeds start to… do something. A taproot had emerged. From there, I followed the advice on r/microgrowery of putting the primed seed in a disposable cup with a small amount of potting soil and placing it under a cheap plant light.

These nascent stages of life took root in my wood-paneled “three-season porch,” a room so thickly layered with tobacco as to resemble the age rings of a tree trunk. It felt like the right place for the seedy task at hand.

If you glean nothing else from this column, remember this: marijuana plants have two stages.

Vegetative stage begins when seeds sprout. Fan leaves develop and the plant, well, grows. It needs at least 18 hours per day of continuous light (up to as many as 24 hours) during this stage.

Each time the plant outgrows its container, you simply transplant it to a larger one.

The second stage is flowering. This can be triggered in one of two ways. If you’re growing indoors (usually in a reflective tent with a dedicated lighting setup), you switch to a 12/12 cycle, with 12 hours of light and 12 hours of total darkness.

By contrast, I didn’t have the space to grow indoors. Actually, I’m lying. As I’m wont to do when acquiring a new hobby, I “invested,” purchasing a cheap grow tent and lighting rig off Amazon.

As I write this, the box has sat unopened for three years.

The Art of Stealth Growing

Virginia’s law states that a home grower must “ensure that no marijuana plant is visible from a public way without the use of aircraft, binoculars, or other optical aids.”

In June I parked my plant, which had grown to occupy a five-gallon planter by this point, on the concrete slab next to the shed in my backyard. The denizens of Stuart Street were none the wiser as to my operation. To be clear, it’s one plant we’re talking about here.

Like Fight Club, the first rule of growing weed is you do not talk about growing weed. Silence is theft prevention at its finest. (Side note: it also aids your cause when every adjacent neighbor is 4/20 friendly, and, in one case, doing their own parallel grow).

Your weed plant needs training to be a good girl. And she must be a girl; at the first detection of male pollen sacs — which are a bit too on the nose as a gender identifier — the plant becomes instant trash. Training can consist of tying branches down or topping, a process that involves cutting off the top of a stalk to split it into two new ones.

I knew none of this during my maiden voyage.

Instead of a sturdy, bushy, plant tailored to maximize yield, I grew a marijuana tree. Seriously, by the time the changing of the seasons triggered flowering, it stood more than three feet tall and required a creative scaffolding of string and tomato cages to prevent it from collapsing under its own weight.

The Harvest

Fast forward a few months. An early November frost has turned my plant’s fan leaves from army green to a pleasing shade of purple. It’s time to chop.

I know this because, for weeks, I’d been using a jeweler’s loupe (basically a pocket magnifying glass) to check the trichomes on my plant’s buds. Trichomes look like dew drops; they’re very pretty. During the flowering stage, they change color from clear to cloudy to amber.

Depending on the desired effect, you chop between cloudy and amber. My harvest was closer to the cloudy end of the spectrum, as I was worried about powdery mildew due to fluctuating humidity levels and figured better-safe-than-shortness-of-breath.

I’d arrayed newspaper broadsheets (and we had no shortage of it due to my employer at the time) on our picnic table and had at the ready a standard-issue pair of Fiskars scissors. A third accessory that came in handy was a pair of gardening gloves — sticky icky is a rather crude but apt description for the not-yet-finished product.

The process as I elected to go about it is referred to as a “wet trim,” since it’s done before the buds are dried. I started with the large fan leaves, placing them in a bowl as I went. If you’re into hemp products, this is the material used to make goods.

The racks of a food dehydrator work nicely for drying the buds, a process that takes anywhere from one to two weeks with a fan running constantly for ventilation. This stage and the subsequent cure took place in my home’s second novelty space, a poorly retrofitted darkroom my wife and I refer to as the “murder room.”

And let me tell you, I killed it on my first try. After curing the dried buds in Mason jars for an additional two weeks (good things come to those who wait), my first harvest came in at a whopping *redacted for legal reasons* grams.

It’s been nearly two years, and the conception and subsequent writing of this column has served to reawaken my holiday spirit.

Who knows, maybe in a damp paper towel somewhere, seeds of future inspiration lie in wait.

Happy 420.

[wanderingaroundwithmysoul]

Rain barked out the barest-bones approximation of a laugh at Kaplan's twinge of sarcasm. "Yeah, I hear that. Kinda hard sometimes... Sure, I survived hell, but almost everybody I care about is fucking dead, and there was another level waiting for me the moment I woke up."

Almost. The knowledge that she wasn't the only person who made it out of the Hive did make things a bit less godawful. After a moment, she gave him a friendly one-handed shove. "I'm glad you made it too, dude."

Rain got an unexpected joy out of seeing Kaplan get all enthusiastic about tech. It sent her straight back to the past when they were part of Sanitation. To during missions when he'd be at computers or security panels and she'd be one of the people watching his back, or when she'd simply walk in on him fixing something. Rain didn't miss working for Umbrella, but she missed her teammates. Her friends. Little things like that made things feel weirdly normal, and she didn't expect to ever experience that again. Not for the first time during this encounter, she let her usually flinty countenance break slightly and some amusement seeped through. "Fuckin' nerd."

She respected what Kaplan was doing by fixing up stuff to give it away to those who needed it. "Nothin' wrong with that," she said in regard to his remark about about being prepared. The way she saw it, your chances of surviving were significantly lesser if you weren't.

She figured he was exaggerating about the amount of things in his vehicle, but when she followed him up the ladder and through the hatch, she realized that he was not. "...Ho-ly shit." She tried to take it all in, her gaze eventually landing on the camera feeds. "Not a coincidence that you stepped out when I was walkin' past then, huh? You were just lookin' to pump me full of lead." Then, it inevitably drifted over to the rack of firearms. "Damn, you've got some nice ones."

Slowly, Rain moved to stand beside where he was digging through the box, sliding the old light off her rail and replacing it with the new one when he held it out to her. "Appreciate it." She switched it on and off a couple of times, feeling satisfied when a harsh LED beam was cast onto the shelf. It wasn't that she thought Kaplan would hand her a busted light, she simply needed visual reassurance that an incident like that in the apartments wouldn't happen again.

Suddenly being unable to see would freak anybody out, but it filled Rain with a special kind of fear. While it had been her light and not her eyes to stop working correctly this time, it still brought her back to the later stages of her T-virus infection. It was the inability to confidently make a shot that got to her more than anything, and the fact that there was intermediate danger certainly didn't help. She had positively fumbled to locate her normal flashlight and unholster a gun that she could use while holding it.

"You're welcome to add this busted piece of shit to your list of projects if you want, but I ain't interested in trustin' it again." In response to Kaplan emphasizing that she was welcome to anything, she shook her head a little. "Doubt I've got room for anything. Got about... I dunno, seventy percent of my shit on me right now?" She felt around her various pouches. There were more empty mags than she'd prefer. "I mean, after the night I've been havin', I could probably do with more ammo." But it wasn't as if she couldn't get by on what she had. "Maybe you oughta save what you've got for the poor saps with dogshit aim, though. They'll need more rounds than I do."

"The hell is your problem, dude? Did you seriously forget about me? Or what, you think I'm a clone? Be for real."

It was getting dark, so Chad pulled his armored vehicle over to the side of the road and set about preparing to settling in for the night. Over the years, he'd accumulated a lot of tech to help him survive, from computers and GPS, to motion sensors, timers, and alarms. Generators and power storage units were essential, as were solar panels and other methods of harnessing power as electrical grids began to fail seemingly everywhere.

Some of the tech he built himself, having raided hardware stores for parts, and others he'd acquired from abandoned police stations and homes. It passed the time, to sit and occupy himself with building computers, or to set up surveillance systems, or to create spreadsheets to catalogue all of his supplies, and he liked to keep his skills sharp. Why? He didn't really know anymore. Maybe it just kept him sane. He had about a million flashlights, flares, weapons, and a multitude of ammunition types, complete with all the batteries, solar chargers, hardware enhancements, additional parts, and optional adjustments he could store.

Metal boxes, backpacks, and duffel bags were stacked in an almost hedge-maze-like fashion inside the armored vehicle he'd taken over after it had been abandoned by the military. His bed was little more than a shelf nestled into all this organized chaos, but he found it strangely comforting to be boxed in while he slept... especially since he was alone most of the time.

Occasionally he joined up with some survivors, but he found it difficult to remain with them. Their goals were vastly different, with civilians wanting to find somewhere safe to hunker down and barricade, and Chad wanting to keep on the move to see what he could do to screw Umbrella over or help other people.

He'd gotten his motion sensor perimeter up around his mobile home, as it were, and had just taken his nightly dose of painkillers so he'd have half a chance of sleeping. The deep scars from where the licker had grabbed him as well as the pain of a few broken bones that hadn't quite healed properly from being thrown off the train on the way out of the Hive had him pretty much in near-constant pain. He'd learned to live with it, and as long as he was busy and moving, he could ignore it. At night, though, he needed some extra help from good ol' pharmaceuticals. Just over-the-counter, though, nothing too heavy. He couldn't risk not being able to wake up if something significant went down. And absolutely nothing with an Umbrella logo on the bottle.

That was when one of his alarms went off, indicating that something was moving in the near vicinity of the vehicle. "Really?" he groaned, his head falling to the right as he lay in his bed to look at the screen across the way. Sure enough, it was blinking. Sighing, he sat up and typed away, looking at the camera feed indicating movement. To his severe disappointment, it wasn't one of the undead. It looked like a soldier of some kind. "Just perfect," he said cynically. Grabbing a couple guns, he went out to investigate. What he found was... startling, to say the least.

It... it was Rain. His heart began to pound. No, Rain's dead. Don't get fooled again by those stupid clones. Man, they were creepy... Clones of his now-deceased friends and comrades that often times acted nothing like the originals. The Rain ones... were always particularly nasty. He lifted his rifle, leveling it at her. "That's far enough," he said coldly, assuming this was a clone. How can it not be?

But then she spoke, and almost simultaneously he began to notice that she looked a bit older. The clones always looked young, pristine. Swallowing hard, Chad found it difficult to breathe with how vigorously his heart was now pounding, rattling his ribcage. Faltering a little in his resolve, the tip of his rifle slowly dipped a bit and he stared incredulously at her.

"N-no, I-... Of course I didn't forget about you, but..." But you're dead. You've gotta be. Forgetting Rain - or anyone else he'd lost in the Hive due to his incompetence, poor planning, and cracking under the pressure - was never an option. He saw their faces almost nightly in the twisted horrors of his guilt-fueled nightmares.

Chad blinked, not knowing what to do. The rifle lowered just a bit more at the mention of clones. "Yeah, actually, that's exactly what I'm thinking. Wait, you're-... Are you telling me you're not a clone?" Oh, how he wanted to believe that, but he'd been fooled before, almost fatally. "Come on, don't fuck with me..." he said, more with a crestfallen type of exhaustion than with any sort of real intimidation attempt. "If you're not a clone... then prove it."

If this really was Rain, the real Rain, then he was about to feel like a huge jerk momentarily. But if it wasn't... he couldn't afford to let his guard down...

[lovecatsys]

So... my pitch for a young, all queer, X-Men Team?

[ID: a collage of 7 marvel characters including Bling! or Roxy Washington, Morph or Benjamin Deeds, Leo Eng, Cam Long, Escapade or Shela Sexton, Speed or Tommy Shepherd, and Prodigy or David Alleyne]

this is just a silly little idea of mine that I thought to share, I don't know the exact ages of these characters but I'm assuming they are all approximately around the same age at this point, as in, somewhere in between the ages of 17 and 24? I guess? Marvel doesn't do well with ages, or timelines in general.

Bling! is tough, nearly indestructible, she's pretty powerful too. She has determination and attitude, and I think she deserves to be on a team for once.

David is super smart, filled with plenty of knowledge and skills, but he's not just smart- he also has can copy skills useful in physical combat, which makes him pretty useful in a battle as well. Not only that, but he has a lot of experience, he's been on the Young Avengers, as well as X-Factor, where he worked aside very powerful and skilled adults like Northstar, Polaris, Akihiro, and Rachel Summers- I can kind of see him and Tommy taking the lead on this team in an unconventional way.

I know Tommy isn't an X-Men character, I don't know if he's even considered a mutant? Which is fine, he doesn't have to be a mutant (Wasn't Mimic not a mutant? that one guy who was on the team one time back in the day? or was that retconned? i have no idea.), he's dating David, which means he could have a reason to move onto Krakoa, and either way he has a lot of shared experiences with mutants, being born with his powers and all. ANYWAYS he, like David, has lots of experience, and is pretty powerful. I think every team should have a resident speedster. plus marvel seems to be continuously ignoring Tommy lately, so I think he deserves to have something to do for once!

Shela is still learning to control her powers, but she seems to be getting better and better at it! And her powers can be quite useful, plus she has some experience of being a low level thief, which is awesome and could absolutely come in handy. and she has some cool tech that can help her fly?

Benji's powers aren't always useful, but he does seem to have some training from back when he was at the New Xavier School with Cyclops in charge. He and Nate have mysteriously disappeared since 2019, so it would be nice for him to come back. Nathaniel could also be an honorary member of the team who helps with stuff that isn't fighting, like using his psychometry to get information from people. PLUS Benji already has experience working with Bling!

Cam Long is a feral jock, they're currently doing Bishop's War College, but maybe they can be on the team when they get some time off.

Leo Eng is a telepath, which I think is a necessity for every team. She also seems to be a pretty powerful telekinetic? she's honestly giving trans butch lesbian vibes which I think is amazing.

Leo and Cam would be fun characters to have on a team for the first time, since they're fairly new and undeveloped, it would be an opportunity to explore them.

[blondiest]

Asking here so tumblr won't eat your replies in the meronia tag. Do you have any headcanons for them (or for lawlight) in an omegaverse setting?

both grateful to you for the consideration bc UGH!!! WHY IS IT EATING MY POSTS!!! and mildly horrified that i am going to blast this at 8x as many people as i would be blasting it at on my sideblog.

100% kidding. i already spent, like, three separate posts talking about spit at this point, so i think any illusion of dignity i once held is long gone.

however. to be totally honest with you i have spent approximately zero moments thinking about the omegaverse, and i will say i don't have any original thoughts for lawlight ever & have no intention of writing them. i pretty much exclusively enjoy them bc of the immense talent of authors within the fandom; i don't think i would have ever warmed up to the idea of them together otherwise.

so, having it out of the way that my skull is completely empty on this topic, allow me to seriously entertain it. there are a few things that i think work well about the trope, and a few things i think could be tricky. for example— the most obvious upside is that the dynamics give an obvious, easy excuse for characters to act on their attraction to one another despite whatever hurdles stand in the way, which make it an appealing option in some ways for meronia given the somewhat complicated vibes going on there (& there's i guess an opportunity for continued complicated vibes since it could be written to have them hook up before actually sorting through any of the “Mello being bitter as all fuck” shit gets resolved). second thing that i feel like fits nicely for them is the possessiveness aspect because. uhhh. Mello is very abnormal about Near in a lot of ways and imo that's Definitely One Of The Ways He's Weird. third reason that i can, like, see the appeal is that there's the built-in intensity kind of inherent to the trope, which again could be made more interesting and fraught by a persistently messy dynamic between them.

to me what makes it less appealing is that the very basic default dynamic in omegaverse is not one i find particularly compelling for Mello & Near. not saying that it's Bad or Wrong or Incorrect Writing or anything, just that it's not, like, my thing for them. i think the dynamic probably Could be done in a way i would enjoy, i just think it would have to be executed in a certain way. also i am going to put this in the clunkiest way possible bc it's late on my body clock rn (<- excuse; i'm actually just stupid) but like. something about the idea of Near being submissive due to Biology Reasons just kind of bores me idk. i very much enjoy writing him being into Mello bossing him around but i prefer for him to be actively kinda freaky about it tbh, and something about the Innate Biology Stuff of omegaverse kind of dulls that effect for me. maybe there would be a way around it, but that would be a possible sticking point in terms of interest for me.

all of this being said i definitely borrowed a tiny tiny tiny bit from omegaverse for i'm lost and i'm lonely (i hunger for you only) [which is, by the way, not recommended reading as i feel like i need to rework mello's characterization now that i'm more used to writing him, but it's still a concept i like a lot. if you go into it with the knowledge that it's a bit OOC (suspension of disbelief: Mello having a single ounce of emotional intelligence & self-awareness at age 18) then i imagine it could still be kind of a fun, short, highly incomplete read].

i pretty much just borrowed the idea of like, biting & bonding (bc it's. about Near being a vampire. hehe) but it's a T rated fic (... for now) so it's, like. not a sex thing idk. that being said, if i was going to write omegaverse for them (i do not see this happening bc i have a lot of WIPs i find compelling already) it would probably be with the same sort of setup in that fic (mafia Mello coming back to Wammy's bc Near is mysteriously/suspiciously super fucking sick & shit is looking bleak)

anyways. i'm sorry if this isn't what you were hoping for bc i didn't give you literally any headcanons but!! it was a fun question to engage with still, so thank you for asking it. also, final thought, Light is an omega. GOODBYE

[smallblip]

You asked, I deliver! Part II of Accidental baby acquisition💖 I lost one of the asks 😩 but anon who asked about baby Udo, I named the baby in your honour! Saddle up cowboys! I’m not good with sequels but here we are-

Babygate:

the scandal that implies that a certain boy band member cheated on his partner (another band member) and had a kid even when the mom was never pregnant.

- urban dictionary

—

Reiner thinks things are alright. Life is definitely picking up. Pieck still sends him excerpts of her dirty fanfiction to proofread, Bertholdt is still doing all he can to “retire at 30”, Annie might have eloped with said boyfriend. But he’s seeing Porco on the regular now, he’s really cute, he’s got a nice ass. Reiner can’t complain.

He’s also recently donated his Levi Ackerman standee. Only because it’s getting increasingly hard to reconcile the fact that he has a life sized cutout of his colleague’s boyfriend in his room.

What he can complain about is said colleague (and friend) dropping bombs on him. He’s one of the moderators of one of the bigger No Name servers. Sometimes he wonders if that’s a conflict of interest because, well, he knows the guy on a first name basis. But today he has other concerns. He sees his notifications blowing up and decides to go on the No Name server. And lo and behold. There’s a paparazzi shot of Levi and Hanji with a stroller taking a walk in a new channel called “MYSTERY FAMILY?”.

He cancels his plans with Porco. “Don’t text me for the next few hours, got a fire to fight.” He clicks send, and feels kinda bad, so he sends Porco really dank meme to appease him. (That doesn’t stop Porco from doing exactly what Reiner told him not to do and demanding an explanation every five minutes).

He forces himself to take a deep breath before texting Hanji-

“Hanji… I don’t mean to be rude but…

WHAT THE FUCK?”

—

So here begins babygate. A conspiracy theory that took the Internet by storm.

“Levi Ackerman had a secret marriage! He was keeping this from us from the start!”

“It’s a publicity stunt to keep No Name relevant during their hiatus!”

“It’s an elaborate scheme by the company to punish Levi for announcing the hiatus without their knowledge!”

“Levi’s mystery partner was sent by the lizard people to take control of his mind and produce half-lizard, half-human hybrid babies to take over the world! What a bitch!” (This is Hanji’s favourite).

And the internet’s favourite- this is all an elaborate scheme to cover up the scandalous love affair between Levi and Eren- the band’s guitarist.

“What the fuck?” Levi had said during dinner once, to which Reiner had to swallow his food and pretend he never read or actively looked up ereri content. Yes. Reiner knows the name of their ship.

Levi hadn’t been too worried before, but when pictures of them shopping for baby stuff leaked online, something snaps. Something snaps and Erwin tells him he needs more time to figure out the biggest PR crisis in No Name history.

It’s Levi. Levi is the PR crisis.

So in the meantime, no shock reveals, no more social media, (if possible) no more leaving the house with pregnant girlfriend in tow. “Don’t do ANYTHING.” Erwin had said, “especially not you!” Erwin had directed that at Eren, who suggested he makes an announcement. Erwin shudders. He remembers all the past scandals they got themselves into just because Eren, bless him, didn’t know when to shut up.

“I’m sorry…” Levi says to Hanji when they’re cuddled up on the couch watching a documentary on whale migration.

“Huh?” Hanji says, voice muffled through her incessant sniffling because “whales are delivered tail first, Levi! They wear their mothers like hats!”

He apologises for putting her through the mess that is him and his job. And Hanji smiles at him. He wonders if their kid will look like her. He’s hoping they would.

“Levi…” Hanji sighs, taking his face in her hands, “that night at the bar I thought to myself ‘this man has a face I would risk it all for’… I think this counts within the realms of ��all’”

Levi scoffs, but a smile is threatening the corners of his lips. Erwin’s nagging over the phone fades a little and he sinks a little lower into the couch. He sighs one more time for good measure before saying-

“So… you wanna know which my favourite babygate theory is?”

—

“And you’re really not bothered by all this?” Reiner asks, in an emergency meeting that he had scheduled into her calendar. He hates that he’s packing things into her already busy schedule when she’s about to pop but, he figures it’s better now than when the baby’s actually out. He had booked a meeting room and everything, figuring if he projected some of the crazy shit they’re saying on the fan boards up on screen, Hanji would start taking this seriously. Because if Reiner knows anything, it’s that the fans will do anything to keep their ship afloat.

He scrolls past another post on the lizard people and Hanji gets him to pause.

“I mean… A little?” Hanji pinches her fingers together.

“Hanji…” Reiner sighs, “you and Levi discuss and rate babygate conspiracy theories you find online I don’t think you’re taking this seriously at all…”

Hanji looks at Reiner- an absolute state of panic. And she considers panicking for a moment. She’s read articles dissecting babygate and although they’re absolutely batshit, Hanji appreciates how well-researched they are. Which is a little scary. To be fair to Levi, he’s been trying to get her to worry. “I can’t keep you safe all the time, you have to be careful” like he’s going off to war somewhere. But it’s not in Hanji nature to worry about things like this. She’s a researcher at a lab who lived an ordinary life up until the point the universe hit her with a-

Sike! Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy! What are you gonna do about it?

And now she knows what headcanons and lemons are, and she really doesn’t know what to do with that knowledge. So Hanji decides, she’ll do nothing. She’ll go on indulgently long walks Levi in tow, she’ll talk his ear off about work. And like a good girlfriend, she’ll listen to his demos (and enjoy them) and tell him “are you sure anger rhymes with danger?”.

“I don’t really know how to worry about anything beyond our samples getting contaminated…” Hanji says, sheepish. Reiner sighs. He doesn’t want to be a wet blanket on Hanji’s life. He wants to be fun Reiner. Cool as a cucumber. Reiner who manages to make it through dinner at Hanji’s without having to excuse himself to hyperventilate in her bathroom because Levi is right there. And he’s so afraid that he might just be able to read his mind and find out he had looked up Levi Ackerman x y/n fanfiction once in his foolish youth (youth being approximately four months back)

Reiner shudders.

“Yeah okay… That’s um… That’s cool… Right?” He says.

Hanji shrugs.

—

So Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy. Now what?

You go into labour of course, with a matter of fact- “oh. Look Levi. The water broke.” All while refusing to leave the house until you demolish that amazing sandwich he made for you. You go into labour and you yell and grunt like a beast as you squeeze the life out of your baby daddy because he kinda deserves it. You both kinda deserve this pain. Take it as heavenly punishment for being horny and stupid if you will.

And in the middle of it Hanji thinks huh, this feels like a mix of a reality TV show from MTV and a badly written fanfiction. Except Hanji isn’t a teen mom and she’s too old for self-insert fiction that involves a lead singer of a popular band.

But Levi is here, and he doesn’t complain one bit even though he looks like he’s about to pass out. So as far as drunken one night stands go- this is pretty damn aspirational.

The baby enters the world with a huge cry.

“Kid’s got a huge set of lungs…” Levi says, but his own voice is quivering.

“Just like her dad…” Hanji smiles.

As he watches Hanji fall asleep with their baby on her chest, Levi thinks fuck it. Fuck keeping this under wraps. Fuck the fans and them enjoying how Eren gets on his nerves. Fuck Erwin and his “Levi. You’re giving me a headache. You are the cause of this headache.” Because the baby has Hanji’s nose and his eyes and he loves them more than anything in the world.

He snaps a picture of them and tags bigdaddyzoë-

“Welcome to the world, my love.”

—

Reiner can’t help the tears that well in his eyes after seeing the picture Hanji had sent him of the baby-

“He says hi to his favourite uncle!” Was the caption, and Reiner could only reply with a crying cat meme and an incoherent text that Hanji favourites.

He’s on the bus on the way to the hospital when his phone buzzes incessantly. It’s Porco.

“REINER WHAT THE FUCK.”

“LEVI ACKERMAN IS HANJI ZOË’S BABY DADDY?”

“HANJI ZOË MY PHD SUPERVISOR?”

“LEVI ACKERMAN OF NO NAME?”

“REINER WHAT THE FUCK?”

He sends a reply at the entrance of the hospital-

“Welcome to my world”

—

Reiner thinks things are alright. He’s one of the moderator of one of the bigger No Name servers, so he can block and remove people at his discretion. Some days he lets it get to his head. It makes him feel like a king. But today, he’s putting out fires.

Erwin decided their PR strategy was absolutely no strategy, because “they’re zooming in on the pixels Levi. Once they doubt the pixels, they won’t believe anything we’re saying”. With that. Babygate has officially taken on a life of its own. Eren still sends Levi babygate articles to annoy him, and to Hanji because she asked very nicely. Hanji thinks Erwin’s strategy makes sense, Levi thinks it’s just lazy. But Erwin framed a certificate that says “survived a PR crisis (sort of)” that Hanji had insisted be hung up on their wall, so that closes one chapter. Besides, Eren has been spotted going out on dates with a mystery girl. Which has the double effect of diverting attention away from Levi and exacerbating babygate because “see? Told you the company’s doing all they can to prove they’re not together!”

“Can’t you keep it in your pants?” Levi had thrown at Eren, to which he had responded cleverly with a-

“Could’ve said the same for you!”

Touché…

“See? That can’t be Levi! Look at how he’s smiling!”

“That can’t be a baby! Looks like an animatronic to me!”

“Do they even make animatronics that realistic?”

Reiner pins his “no slander” rule- one day they’ll get it. Or at least he would’ve gotten rid of all the people that don’t.

“Who’s this bigdaddyzoë anyway?”

“Maybe she isn’t real? Company probably invented her…”

“Heard she’s a crazy groupie who got knocked up…”

“Heard she’s hot…”

… several people are typing

—

“So… I heard from Reiner you were defending my honour in the server?” Hanji quirks an eyebrow.

Levi shrugs. Whatever goes down in the server stays between Leviackerman173810 (leviackerman and all 173809 permutations of said username had already been taken) and the hundreds of people who haven’t quite figured out he’s the real deal. Besides, Erwin has issued him three warnings so it’s best to lay low for now.

“My hero…” Hanji chuckles, pressing a kiss on Levi’s head. Below them, baby Udo wriggles and yawns against the fabric of Levi’s shirt. Cute.

So Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy. Now what? You look at your son and know he’s going to break hearts like his father of course. And if you’re Levi, you pray to god he never asks about babygate because Hanji has read up enough about it to be considered a connoisseur.

One day the internet will break when they find out the identity of bigdaddyzöe. But for now baby Udo has his parents wrapped around his tiny fingers and he doesn’t quite understand the concept of him being the spawn of every typical band member x y/n fanfiction. Or the centre of a very popular, very absurd, yet strangely believable internet conspiracy theory. Or the canon plot that has sunk one of the biggest No Name ships. And that’s okay.