#it’s obviously going to be its own pack. eventually

[tricoufamily]

did you see how prominent nancy was in that trailer……..second plane has not yet hit the towers but i fear it is approaching……

[ranchstoryblog]

Fandom Memories: HMFarm

Hmmm. So, nearly a quarter of you whippersnappers wanna hear about the good ol' days, huh? Well, back in the day, you wouldn't just hang out on one or two big websites to try to find people who shared your niche interests among a million random users. Everything had its own dedicated site, with its own special pack of weirdos that you probably wouldn't find anywhere else. Home grown fandom, sprouting from the cement sidewalks of the freshly paved internet like so many weeds with pretty little flowers on top. So, let's take a little stroll down memory lane and visit one of the oldest fan sites with Archive.org's "Wayback Machine."

Ahh, just like I remember it. This here is "Harvest Moon Farm." 'course, we just called it HMFarm, like the URL did. This used to be the place to be. The prime progenitor of all farmin' fansites in the English speaking community. Maybe not the literal first, but up until around 2005, this was where you would go if you wanted to know anythin' about digital farmin'. It truly was a magical place to visit.

This screenshot isn't the oldest design, but it's the one I fondly remember. The majority of my time using the site was during the lead-up to A Wonderful Life, which was probably also when it was the most active as an information source. Seeing the screenshots, checking the forums, speculatin', wonderin', dreamin'... It's a warm feeling. I can't really describe how it felt to look at these shots for the first time. Granted, they were mostly sourced from various places like IGN or Newtechnix, but who wanted to go to THOSE messy sites when all the info I wanted was right here? IGN wasn't telling me how to revive the Vineyard in Harvest Moon 64 while I was waiting for AWL news either.

Our first look at the character we would come to know as Muffy, the sheer novelty of being able to go into the townsfolk's glorious, 3D-rendered rooms, the apparent misidentification of flowering tomatoes... The webmaster, Gamergirl87, would caption each one as well. Some of the captions of those screenshots ended up not being exactly true, but it was the closest thing to on-going coverage we really had. Who else was there to trust?

It's a little off topic, but I think at one point after learning about the GBA connectivity, I must have dreamed about this very gallery and seeing a screenshot of a Gamecube-ized Popuri with the caption that Mineral Town villagers would visit after connecting the GC and GBA together. At least, I'm pretty sure it was a dream. I've met some people who claim they saw the same thing, but none of us have been able to find that screenshot or comment again.

The one that would most catch my attention was the one on the left here. I didn't have a PlayStation 2, so I was coming fresh off of the GameBoy and Nintendo 64 when going into A Wonderful Life. The pond, the mysterious glowing plants, the mood and ambiance of their lighting, the little tree on the door... Naturally, I mirrored it on my first day the remake was available.

It's a real shame that the message boards are poorly preserved, since it doesn't look like there was a news post about the pre-order plush cow. I was hoping to find the name of whoever it was that convinced me to commit my first ever preorder. I still have the receipt, but without the forum post it's really only tangentially related to HM Farm.

'course, just learning about existing games and upcoming games wasn't the only good thing HM Farm was for. As I alluded to, there was a whole community here! While it's a shame that the message boards aren't well preserved by the Wayback Machine, you know what is?

The "ideas" list! This incredible time capsule was one of the first "interactive" parts of the site, starting in the year 2000. It's kind of fun to see how many of these ideas actually happened. Obviously, new characters and personalities were probably expected, but Animal Parade would eventually feature a honeymoon, several games have clothing and other customization, a mall, city, and pig would be added as soon as GBC 3, a goat would be in A Wonderful Life... It's actually amazing how prescient a lot of the suggestions are.

I'd share the whole thing, but the amount of e-mail addresses involved gives me pause. Still, there's a couple I wanna highlight:

Considering how often I still hear about people wanting to marry the moms and people attributing it to just "the fans getting older," it's funny to see Laserion lay out that, no, we've always been like this. Right down to using Manna's unhappy marriage and Lillia's husband never returning as valid reasons they should be available.

Tuan145, on the other hand, I just find extremely amusing because of the specific "2002 Escalade" part. Yes, this is clearly the ideal vehicle for all farmers in the Story of Seasons universe. This is now accepted headcanon. The boat was added in GBC 3 too, so obviously a 2002 Escalade is going to be added any day now.

Another thing that's amazingly well preserved is the site's fan art section. There's a few missing images here and there, but for the most part the entire thing is open to explore. People of basically all ages and skill levels happily submitted their creations, including original characters, digital art, traditional art, crossovers with popular series like Sailor Moon, a liiittle bit of drug use... Y'know, all the kinds of things you'd expect to see in a fan art gallery of the day.

Even better, some of the artists are still doing art today! Looking around, I quickly discovered one of my favorites, Rina Cat, is now on Blue Sky. I made sure to ask for permission to repost their art before including it here. Reaching out to everyone would be a bit much though, so I'll just encourage you to just browse the gallery using the Wayback Machine yourself. There's poetry and fanfics too!

There's a lot more to the site, including useful bits of history like keeping track of release dates for games, pre-release screenshots, and information that was only available on Japanese websites at the time, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Unfortunately, though the site continued to be updated until 2010 and stayed online until 2021, it's no longer available on the regular internet and the URL doesn't seem safe to access anymore. I wanted to include an interview with the former webmaster as well, but all their readily available contact information was tied to the website and I haven't had any luck so far in finding other means of contact. If I have any success, I'll be sure to make a follow-up! If you have any memories of HMFarm, or other fan sites, I'd be happy to hear about it.

[ubercharge]

marcille's pokemon team! i imagine she's acquired a variety of mons over the years but some of them have been with her longer than others, like the dragonite she raised from dratini. azumarill is from before going to magic school. she got braixen as a fennekin for research purposes, and evolved it during the school period. cherrim is the newest of this bunch, caught and evolved during magic school.

(if you’re curious about why i picked certain pokemon for marcille, and names i gave her team members, it’ll be in the readmore!)

BRAIXEN (Ignis): an easy nod to magic school and her wooden staff. i wanted a straight-up fire type since marcille uses a bunch of explosive magic in the dungeon. i went with braixen instead of delphox because it has more of a youthfulness like marcille herself.

CHERRIM (Pom/Pomegranate): i definitely wanted a grass-type to reflect her staff being made of wood (with little green sprout), her green eyes, and her love of vegetables. cherrim having a bit of a food (cherry) element is a nice plus, and like braixen, it has a yellow colour like marcille’s blonde hair. i think marcille would also love cherrim’s cuteness, and its red accents match marcille’s own red accessories. it being flowery also matches marcille’s floral-enjoying aesthetic sensibilities. on top of that, i imagine it switching to its overcast form after marcille becomes the lord of the dungeon to reflect her mental state.

AZUMARILL (Tsunami): i wanted a more whimsical-looking pokemon to show off marcille’s cuteness, and a fairy-type adds to the magical feel. but even if azumarill looks silly and marcille can be silly, they really pack a punch. scarvi raiders will appreciate this beautiful round friend with a nod.

DRAGONITE (Stratus): rather than just have marcille’s team reflect her cuter aspects, it was important for me to include a member with competitive viability (which generally means the mon itself has a bunch of strengths). before i considered that aspect, i thought about including dragonair as a reference to marcille’s coatl monster, but i went with dragonite in the end for a cute-looking friend with a lot of strength. marcille has, after all, studied magic for a long time and is really good at it. It’d certainly make sense for her to have an objectively strong mon like dragonite on her team, especially considering the position dragons have in dunmeshi’s world and culture (and they were once at the top of the food chain in pokemon too...).

not pictured:

ALCREMIE (Nectar): a suggestion from my friend i really liked, partly because it’s food. and that’s obviously funny. a sweet-looking pure fairy-type (red accents too!) ties into marcille’s enjoyment of sweets and adds more of that fairy/magic feel. as for which colour variant hers would be, i’ll leave that up to you guys to decide. and a funny little sidenote: marcille wanted a fairy for herself like the canaries, but was daunted and disgusted by the requirements to create one. the homunculus the fairies start out as looks like a little blob of a guy, and alcremie’s pre-evo milcery is... well.

because of the homunculus stuff, i imagine she hatched Nectar from an egg and evolved it before magic school!

GOURGEIST (Ambrosia): while braixen works as a cute magic school reference to magic, gourgeist has more of a witchy, spooky feel. marcille isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, after all. but since this is her team from the start, gourgeist is a nice way to wink at a darker witch aesthetic compared to her other mons without fully giving away marcille’s eventual transformation. it still has a fitting whimsical design, plus its broomstick likeness can be seen as another nod to ambrosia.

Ambrosia would, of course, have been obtained as a pumpkaboo and raised until evolving in line with marcille's staff creation in dunmeshi

honorary mentions: ponyta/rapidash (for her horse love), milotic (for the quetzalcoatl), rotom (suggested by my friend who likes the mental image of her putting senshi in rotom wash), arboliva (italian), liligant (floral + grass-type), foongus (grass-type, reference to walking mushrooms), deerling (grass-type, cute, a deer is vaguely horselike), morpeko (silly/cute, has a “dark” form like cherrim)

dungeon lord: she would have control over all the mons in the dungeon without them being “hers”, so i didn’t plan for her team to change upon her becoming dungeon lord.

[defututus]

Even When I’m Not With You | Chapter Three

Sprite & Confessions

masterlist

Summary: you and Eddie are getting closer and it has become impossible to ignore your feelings for each other.

content warnings: mentions of a lack of romantic experience but I swear this chapter is all fluff, Eddie being gross for a minute

word count: ~4.8k

author's note: this chapter is my favorite and I hope you all see why <3 also, I had someone ask for a taglist so if anyone else wants to be added please let me know!

As always, thank you to my favorite people @corroded-hellfire and @munson-blurbs for helping me when I need advice. Also, I don’t know if they remember helping me with this, but I want to thank @vintagehellfire for letting me pick their brain and suggesting things while I writing about Eddie’s… incident. I cackled when she suggested some of the dialogue.

reposting because I forgot to tag it properly!

divider by @saradika-graphics

You and Eddie quickly became thick as thieves. The two of you were either hanging out together or talking over facetime or texting. There were always updates on how your day was going, memes being sent, random thoughts that popped into your head. You couldn’t go an hour without speaking to one another with the exception of sleeping or you being in class, in which Eddie would just message hou until class was over and you’d catch up on everything he sent you. You eventually learned everything about him - about his uncle and his band, Corroded Coffin. You learned he was a music production major with the hopes that his band would make it big but kept a job at the local mechanic for the time being and in case plan A doesn’t work out.  

The two of you would usually have breakfast together, schedules permitting, and then walk to your respective classes together.  You were always amazed at how much Eddie was able to eat every morning, especially when you ate dinner with him the night before and remembered how much he ate then. He also tried a new combination of food every morning - some of these made sense, like Cocoa Puffs in chocolate milk, while you vividly remember him trying Fruity Pebbles in orange juice and how he got a weird look from the dining hall staff when they saw him happily walking to his seat with that in his bowl.  It was during these meals together that you two realized how much you both had in common - a love for horror movies, rock and metal music, and obviously, Dungeons and Dragons. Eddie swore you two were destined to become friends and he wished he had met you sooner. 

You both had planned to sit together after your classes had finished and get some work done before the end of the week. Eddie specifically said he needed you to hold him accountable and make sure he didn’t get distracted and click off his schoolwork like he always ends up doing. He wasn’t exactly lying when he made that request. Eddie always struggled to keep his focus on homework, but he really wanted an excuse to spend more time with you. 

You meet up with him after class in the campus brightly-lit convenience store to grab some snacks. You go for a small cup of cheez-its and an iced tea, while he immediately grabs a large bag of pretzels and two sprites. Your mind immediately goes back to earlier in the day during breakfast where you saw him eat two Belgian waffles, scrambled eggs, and Cocoa Puffs. You’re looking at him in surprise and Eddie can see it in your eyes, because he looks at you and holds his family size bag of pretzels close to his chest, defending himself by saying, “Don’t look at me like that. I’m a growing boy, I need food!” 

You snort and begin weaving between the aisles of chips and candy to the checkout counter, greeting the cashier who you have grown fond of over the past three years and swipe your food card to pay for your items. Eddie isn’t too far behind, grabbing a pack of gum before he pays for his own food. You’re waiting for him outside the store as you put your snacks inside your backpack. Once they’re safely stored inside, you look through the front windows and admire Eddie from afar as he chats up the cashier. She’s laughing with him and he has this infectious smile that spreads even to you. You’re admiring his dimples and the way his nose scrunches up when he laughs. He’s wearing a red flannel on top of a black Pantera shirt, his hands in his pockets and watching as the cashier counts out his change. Maybe he could sense you were watching him, or maybe he just happened to look over at you, but you two locked eyes so he gave you a toothy smile and stuck his tongue out. You giggled, and although he couldn’t really hear it through the glass, he still felt the same amount of joy that he felt every time he heard you laugh. Eddie steps outside a minute later and the two of you walk up the hill, shoving your hands in your hoodie and shivering when the wind begins to blow. 

 It felt as if fall had swept over the campus seemingly overnight, because all of a sudden the grounds were awash with hues of orange and yellow. The tree-lined walkways were littered with leaf piles and smelled of autumn. As the seasons began to change, the student body began to pile on layers of clothing to keep the chills away as the winds kicked up. It was one of the cruel facts about going to school in a mountainous area - it was going to get cold. However, the drop in temperature did not keep students from taking advantage of all the outdoor seating the school had to offer. You always maintained that you’d stop sitting outside when it dipped below 40 degrees and that still hadn’t happened yet, which is why you still found yourself sitting at one of the picnic tables outside the school’s student center across from Eddie. 

You two choose a table near the front of the building with a view of the school quad. The winds have died down for the time being so you could safely unload your backpack without worrying about any papers flying around. The sun was shining towards the quad so you two sat on the same side of the table with the warm rays hitting your backs. You’re laying out everything you need to get your work done, a few articles to outline for class next week, your copy of The Odyssey to continue translating, and your notebook. Everything was color coded, so you took out the blue highlighter and the blue post-it notes that went along with them. All Eddie takes out is his laptop with his music program already loaded up, most likely left there from class earlier in the day, and his pretzels laid open right next to the laptop between the two of you. The cheez-its you bought came out a few minutes later once you heard Eddie quietly chewing and remembered your own food. Eventually, you and Eddie fall into a quiet, comfortable routine. You’re focusing on your work and he’s focusing on his. There are moments of brief conversation, like when you ask him if your translation of a sentence sounds clunky or not, or if he’s stuck on how a certain part of a song should sound, but otherwise it’s complete silence between you two.

At some point in your work you begin eyeing his pretzels. You hadn’t finished your cheez-its yet, still having around half of the small container left to eat, but you just found yourself craving the snack your friend had purchased. He bought a large bag and didn’t make much of a dent in it yet, so it wouldn’t hurt to just take a few pieces. 

You glance over at Eddie, the muffled sounds of guitar chords from his music program blaring into his ears as he seems completely focused on his work. Part of you was surprised that he hadn’t complained about any hearing loss based on how loud he always kept things. He wouldn’t care if you took some, right? 

You turn the bag over to you and take a few pretzels out of the bag, popping them in your mouth and resuming your own work. These clauses aren’t going to translate themselves, and you were getting to your favorite part of the story so you were excited to go over it again.

Eddie sees your movement out of the corner of his eye and does indeed notice you taking some of his food, not that he minds, of course. He’d give you the entire bag if you asked him. However, he did like being a pain in the ass to you sometimes, so he holds out an expectant hand between the two of you. It takes you a moment to notice it, and you only do when he begins wiggling his fingers in waiting and you see him looking right at you. He arches a brow at you and waits for you to pay up for the stolen salty snacks.

You crack a smile at him, which he returns,  and then place a few cheez-its in his hand. They were  roughly the same amount of pretzels that you took from him, you weren’t sure. He closes his hand once the crackers are in his hand and tosses them all into his mouth. His cheeks are puffed up like a chipmunk and you’re sure he must be getting crumbs over his laptop but doesn’t seem to care. His face is almost comical and it makes you laugh. Unbeknownst to you, he’s only doing this to get that exact reaction out of you. Your laughter gets him higher than even the best weed in the world. He wishes he could record it and listen to it all day long. Maybe one day he’ll ask if he can do that, but at this moment he’ll take what he can get.

Your laughter dies down and you’re trying to get back to work, which Eddie just could not accept, so he develops a plan. He initially wanted to buy Mountain Dew when he went into the convenience store, but they were unfortunately out so he went for Sprite instead. He looks over to you, looking adorable as always, especially when you’re deep in focus. Your brows are furrowed as you read a sentence out under your breath and tap your pen against the paper in frustration. 

Eddie nudges you to get your attention and motions to one of the bottles of sprite that he’s pulling out of his bag. You watch him in confusion and curiosity as he unscrews the cap and begins to chug it. You watch his adam's apple bob as he’s drinking it, momentarily pausing to grimace and choke out, “This was a horrible idea,” before resuming the challenge he had set out for himself. You’re a little worried he might throw up from this but at the same time you’re curious to see if he can actually do it. It’s still not looking good for him though, judging by the way his face is contorting in pain and his free hand is now gripping his stomach.

Miraculously, he manages to down the entire bottle without puking. Eddie throws the bottle down on the ground and the hand once holding the sprite is now gripping the table. His head is hung low and he’s panting heavily. You’re leaning in to get a better look at him and place a cautious hand on his back.

He’s silent and keeps his head hung low. You scoot closer to him, your thighs now touching his and ask, “Ed, you okay?” and he shakes his head. His eyes are shut, he looks like he’s holding something back. You’re about to ask him if he needs anything - tums, water, hell maybe even an ambulance - before he speaks up.

“Sweetheart, I think I’m dying. There’s no saving me now.”

You’re glad he’s at least feeling well enough to make a joke - you think he’s joking. Second later, his eyes open wide in fear. He lets go of the table and is now fully bent over in pain. It’s a little hard to hear, but you swear you hear him say to himself, “This was the worst decision I’ve made in my entire life.”

Your concern for him intensifies and you begin to rub his back, trying to think of something, anything to help relieve the immense discomfort he’s feeling. He’s also becoming very quiet, and you’ve never known him to be a quiet person. He’s always making some noise, either tapping his pen against something or humming a tune under his breath. His shoes are always loud so everyone can hear him walking into a room. You’re sure he also snores when he sleeps, because you cannot imagine him just sleeping peacefully at night.

Finally, Eddie makes a noise.

The burp that comes out of Eddie doesn’t sound real. It’s akin to something you’d hear in a kids show because of how loud and exaggerated it sounded. There are a few people sitting at the next table who hear Eddie belch and look over at you two, and one of them even looks a little impressed. Eddie is once again quiet, but he looks less pained and more embarrassed by what just occurred. Your hand stops rubbing circles into his back and he’s relieved you haven’t removed it yet - it’s probably the only thing keeping him from running away. He soon looks up at you and plainly says, “I, uh, I thought I was gonna die.”

You nod and pat his back, but your hand still doesn’t move away from him. He’s honestly looking a little embarrassed and you didn’t even know he could get like that. In all the time you’ve known Eddie, you’ve always known him to be loud and proud, so this is something entirely new. You try to lighten the mood by saying, “I wouldn’t let you go that easily. You’re one of my best friends now so you’re stuck with me forever.” He smiles at that, and you can tell he’s starting to feel better by the small chuckle he let out. He’s looking down at his hands and playing with his rings again.

Eddie noticed how your hand never left his back and he could feel the warmth of it through his layers. He lifts his head slightly and you see him looking at you through his bangs. In that moment, you wish you could always look at him like this, just inches away from each other and no other friends to interrupt the moment. Every time you two were alone together every second felt so intimate. The bleary-eyed breakfasts, late night facetime calls where you two discussed your hopes and dreams, the times you would get high in his car and share your favorite songs with each other. Every moment was so cherished and you could only imagine the possibilities if things advanced between you two, if you became something more. More late night talks, he might put an arm around you during your movie nights, maybe you could go on some impromptu dates once midterms were over. They were nice ideas and all, but you had to shut them down before you began daydreaming about the man who sat beside you and almost died from drinking too much Sprite.

Instead of letting yourself get lost in your fantasies you turn your focus back to making Eddie smile since he always did the same for you. The eye contact was back but he had a smile that took your breath away every time. You (begrudgingly) take your hand off his back and nudge his shoulder with yours. “Nah, I knew you’d make it through that… so are you gonna chug that second bottle?” Eddie scoffs at the idea and playfully slaps your arm, finally laughing again and shaking his head. 

“You’re insane if you think I’m EVER doing that shit again!” You watch as he gets up to jog over to the recycling bin and toss his empty Sprite bottle inside. Eddie turns around to see you pouting and giving him your best puppy dog eyes. He would definitely do it again since it made you happy, but he didn’t want you to see him actually throw up that time. “That look is NOT going to work on me, sweetheart. Don’t pull that shit on me!”

You try your best to ignore the comment and instead look down at your incomplete translation, deciding it best to focus on your studies and not the possible feelings he could have for you. Reluctantly, you take your hand off his back and say, “Okay! Let’s get back to work, shall we?” 

Eddie nods his head and you go back to your schoolwork, but Eddie instead minimizes his music program and begins looking things up online. You don’t notice for a couple minutes until you look over at him to sneak another peek at his face and see that he’s scrolling through Netflix. You tap your pen against the laptop screen and say, “Hey. That’s not homework, close that.”

Eddie bats your hand away and clicks to Prime Video and opens the horror category up again. You speak up again, “You know, if you’re planning to write a song based on a horror movie there’s another band that already beat you to that. It might become their whole thing in the future.”

He’s ignoring you now and opens up a few more tabs with movies. You’re now as distracted as he is, leaning in to point out movies you liked or movies you wanted to see. Eddie stops looking at the screen and is now looking at your face, completely mesmerized by your beauty. He can’t believe you’d ever want to hang out with a guy like him. 

“Hey, uh–“, Eddie scratches at the back of his head as he tries to figure out how to ask this without stumbling over his words and making himself look like an idiot in front of you “– we should do a movie night tonight, we haven’t had one in like two weeks. Are you free?” 

You hesitate for a moment, mentally going over your schedule for the night. This was your only homework that had to be finished by tonight and the rest of your assignments can be finished tomorrow. Even if they were all due tomorrow, you’d much rather spend time with Eddie watching a movie together. The fits of laughter when someone dies, ordering pizza and arguing which snacks to eat after dinner, curling up under the blankets with your knees grazing each other. Lingering glances when your hands touch and the blush that always appears on Eddie’s cheeks when you two accidentally lock eyes. Those nights you let your mind wander, and wonder if maybe you could have a future with Eddie. Maybe you two could be more than friends. Perhaps you could have more than momentarily looks and brief touches. For now, you’ll take every moment you can get with him.

You respond to him with a smile, saying, “For you? I’m always free.”

Eddie is continuing to look nervous, his hands moving from his laptop to under the table and fiddling with the rings on his hands. He’s biting at his lip and going over his next words in his head, but sets them aside for later. He shifts his attention back to the tabs he had pulled up previously, clicking between a few possible choices. 

“Ok, cool. So we have a few options… uh, there’s A Quiet Place, I think you said you haven’t watched that yet. We still haven’t finished our Saw marathon, so maybe we could do that? Or,”” Eddie clicks over to one last tab, the preview picture showing a silhouette of a giant deer standing in front of a burning house  with what looked like hands hanging from its face, “we could watch The Ritual. This one looks amazing.”

You take his laptop and tilt it towards you and read through the summary given by the streaming service and scroll down to the reviews - they’re all positive and talk about how unnerving the movie is. The eerie imagery combined with the whole movie being set in the woods already had your skin crawling. You don’t notice yourself doing it, but you start smiling as you read each review talking about how this movie gave people nightmares and how they could never look at a forest the same again. Once you hit the bottom of the page, you turn the laptop back to Eddie and confidently say, “Eddie, we have to watch that.”

He’s nodding and closes his laptop for now before fully turning to you. There’s a constant hum of students in the walkways in front of you as they’re all let out of class, and Eddie finds it a little calming as he tries to figure out what to say. He hesitates a little before biting the bullet. 

“How would you feel about making it a date?”

You blink a few times as you try to process what he just asked you. Maybe your parents were right and you really were damaging your hearing by listening to your music too loud because there’s no way you just heard Eddie Munson ask you out. There are so many things you want to ask. Why? Are you sick? Is this a joke? Please don’t let it be a joke.

All you can muster is a confused, “What?” before Eddie has to begin explaining himself.

“I’ve wanted to ask you out ever since I’ve met you, but I’ve been scared that you might not feel the same way and I might ruin our friendship,” Eddie takes your hand in his and then takes the other which was currently sitting on your lap. There’s a constant hum around you two as people are leaving their classes and making their ways to their destinations, whether it be their next class, the commuter lounge, or home for the day. You can barely hear it over the sound of your heart beat. Eddie continues on, “Steve told me the other day that he was sick of watching me stare at you like a lovesick puppy and said he was pretty sure you liked me back, so I figured I might as well try…”

You look down at his hands and a drop of water falls down onto one of them. Is it raining? No, you’re crying. Hurriedly, you reach to wipe the tear away hoping Eddie doesn’t notice but how could he not when he’s been watching you this entire time. His hand beats you to it and wipes the following tears away. In a hushed tone, he asks, “Hey, hey, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” It’s that damn pet name again. You weren’t imagining things - he doesn’t treat everyone like this, you realize, this is all real. 

Your eyes shut but the tears continue to fall. Thankfully, you manage to keep the noise to a minimum to avoid any unwanted attention. Between quiet sobs, you say, “I’m sorry, but nobody has ever liked me, and I couldn’t imagine anyone ever liking me back. I’m just not used to this. I thought this could only ever happen in my dreams.”

Eddie stays quiet as you tearfully explain your lack of dating history and the guys in school only ever asking you out as a joke, how it wrecked your self-esteem and by the time you were halfway through college you just gave up. Never in a million years did you imagine someone like Eddie would ever like you, but here he is. Eddie’s hand stays on you, eventually moving from your cheek down to your shoulder and down to your arm. It’s a comforting reminder that again, this is real and he’s there. 

Once you’ve finished explaining yourself, Eddie squeezes the one hand he’s still holding. He says, “I wish I could have met you earlier, whether it be earlier in college or high school. I wish I could have made you realize how beautiful you are and shower you with compliments until you finally see yourself in the same way that I see you - as the most beautiful, stunning, perfect person in the entire universe. And sweetheart, if  you let me, I promise to start right fucking now.”

You had to be dreaming at that point because Eddie Munson does not feel real to you. Either you’re dreaming or your daydreams have gotten a little too realistic. You chew at your lip and ask him, “You’re really serious?”

“As serious as a heart attack. Now, is that a date?”

You feel your face flush and nod sheepishly, having to break eye contact and look down at your conjoined hands. Eddie chuckles at your reaction and gives your hands a squeeze before he unfortunately lets go of them. He turns to face his laptop again and opens it back up before saying, “Great, now let’s get back to work, shall we?”

A few hours later, Eddie returns to his shared apartment with Steve with a pep in his step. He’s humming a little tune and places his backpack next to the door. Steve is lounging  on the couch playing video games after class, having changed into a Hawkins Basketball hoodie and black sweats, when Eddie arrives and he’s immediately suspicious of him. It reminds Steve of the day that Eddie met you so he has an inkling of an idea of what could have happened today. Sure, Eddie has been in a better mood ever since the two of you reunited, but even this was a bit much. 

Steve pauses the level and rests the controller on his chest before looking at his roommate - Eddie pads over to the kitchen and opens the fridge to survey the contents of it. After that he goes through each of the light oak cabinets, taking note of the snacks available to them. He’s talking to himself, something like, “The regular popcorn should be fine, right? She hasn’t complained  about it so far…” and pulls his phone out to tap a quick message away. Eddie turns to the living room to head towards his room when he finally notices Steve. “Oh, Steve! Hey uh, can you do me a huge favor?” 

Steve cocks a brow at Eddie and replies with a cautious, “Okay…? What is it?” 

Eddie walks over to Steve on the couch and shoves a hand in his pocket, the other scratching at his stubble on his chin. Should he shave? No, you already saw him like this earlier. It would be weird if you came over and saw that he shaved. “Can you like… fuck off for the rest of the night?”

Steve scoffs and fully sits up, the video game controller long forgotten now and falls from his chest to his lap and onto the carpeted floor. “You want me to fuck off? Last time I checked we both live here.”

 Eddie realized how that sounded the moment he closed his mouth and was already fumbling over his words to try and sound like less of a tool. 

“I mean, I just need the place for a few hours. You’ve asked me to do the same thing, remember? Please.”

The former jock pulls a leg up to rest on the couch to lean on it. “Yeah man, but that’s for when Nancy comes over. Like, for a date.”

“Well, I… ok so,” Eddie shuffles his feet and kicks at the leg of the coffee table, looking up at Steve and raises his eyebrows at him, “I did as you told me to today.”

It takes Steve a second to realize what he’s talking about because, frankly, Steve has asked Eddie to do a lot of things. Like the dishes and to take out the bathroom trash. Also, Eddie can be a bit of a dumbass sometimes. Then, it clicks. He shoots up off the couch, the controller falling onto the carpeted floor with a muffled thump.

“Jesus Christ, you finally fucking did it. You asked her out? Seriously?”

Eddie squints and leans in, lowering his head and speaks in a hushed voice. “No Steve, i asked out the lady that works at the fucking dining hall. We have a real connection and bonded over the fucking pancakes. OF COURSE I ASKED HER OUT, YOU DUMBASS.”

Steve narrowly misses the coffee table as he runs past it to pull Eddie into a bear hug. Eddie is awkwardly standing there but eventually hugs his roommate and even laughs a little. He would never say this, but Steve is actually proud of Eddie for finally telling you how he felt. Steve swore he’d never see the day where his best friend would finally confess his feelings towards you. In fact, he was so confident that he and Robin made bets on it.

Steve remembers this and pulls away with a huff as he silently pads to the couch to grab his phone. Eddie watches him in confusion as his roommate seemingly angrily taps away on his phone. When Steve eventually looks up with pursed lips, Eddie cocks an eyebrow as if to ask what’s going on?

Steve states, “I owe Robin $25 now.”

taglist: @justalotoffanfiction @iyskgd

[cooneyscross]

Waldosia

Leah Williamson

summary: Leah still isn't over the fact that you're gone and can't help but looking for you in the crowd every game, even though she knows you'll never be there.

warnings: mentions of death, slight angst, depression, just lots of yapping at the end, not a happy ending. (cringe warning)

waldosia: /wawl-doh-zhuh/ n.  a condition in which you keep scanning faces in a crowd looking for a specific person who would have no reason to be there, as if your brain is checking to see whether they're still in your life, subconsciously patting its emotional pockets before it leaves for the day.

You'd had Leah Williamson hooked from the very first time the two of you had met. You'd caught her attention with you're bright smile and warm laugh. She couldn't get enough of you, you were like a drug.

Leah Williamson had brightened up your world during some of the darkest moments in your life. You'd lost your mum to cancer and your sister had stopped speaking to you. When all seemed lost, she gave you a reason to keep pushing even when you didn't think you could.

You were a wreck but that hadn't stopped her from loving you.

The two of you shared a love so special, you were the first person she'd run to when celebrating a win, but also the first persons arms she'd fall into after a tough loss.

She was there to hold you when you missed your mum, and bring back your smile when your sister consistently ignored your calls.

You and Leah had found each other when you were both most in need of love the most.

But it was all a secret.

A love too good for the rest of the world to know.

You feared what would happen if the fans found out. Scared that Leah would be ashamed of a girlfriend like you.

You're insecurities screamed at you, that small voice in your mind a constant reminder that you'd never be good enough for the one and only Leah Williamson

But Leah thought you were perfect, you were real and that's what she needed.

She needed someone who wasn't afraid to talk about their emotions, someone who was there when Leah needed a shoulder to cry on. Someone to keep her head on straight.

And eventually the two of you started to break out of your little shell, finally brave enough to show a little PDA, even if it was only holding hands when the two of you went out together.

You'd even started allowing Leah to kiss you after her games, no longer restricting her to just a short hug.

But of course just as you started to think that everything was going to be good, it began to go downhill.

Down a hill so steep that not even the most powerful breaks could stop the fall.

Fans were too nosy for their own good, trying to get involved in people's business that didn't concern them.

They'd call you ugly, saying that Leah should break up with you and find someone better.

Leah said it was fine, she promised to never stop loving you, no matter what anyone said. You were her world and she swore it would always stay that way. She wasn't going to let this affect her.

But you could tell it wasn't true, you noticed. And so did everyone else. Her performances on the pitch were lacking the quality they used to have. It was clear to everyone that her mind was elsewhere.

And it was. You were all she could think about. Your broken face when you'd look online and see another post dissing you. The tears you'd quickly rub out of your eyes whenever she'd walk in the room, trying to pretend you hadn't been crying.

The guilt was eating you up, and as much as you despised the thought of it, you knew that the only way to fix things was to leave.

And while it would obviously hurt for a while, you'd both get over it. Maybe Leah would find someone new. Someone better. That could give her the love and life she deserved.

You're bags were packed a note left on the side.

That was the last time Leah had ever heard from the love of her life.

She'd tried hard, so hard, to get you back. She'd called you so many times that she'd had to pay unreasonable amounts just to get more data, praying that you'd pick up.

But you never did. Every single time it would ring to voice mail, and she'd leave the same message, begging you to come home.

but her speech would always be cut off by that annoying beeping noise, signaling that she'd run out of time and she'd once again be left alone. No clues to tell her if you'd listened to her and all she could do was cry.

A year later she was still not fixed. It seemed that when you had left, you'd taken part of her with you. She no longer had her favourite person to celebrate with, and suddenly winning the conti cup was no longer as special.

Her jokes were lacking, her eyes not shining as bright as they used to. And everyone noticed, they noticed the change in Leah's demeanor and how talks about you were no longer a usual part of Leah's chats. All that was left was a crack in her voice and tears welling in her eyes from the mere thought of you.

Currently, she was walking around the emirates stadium. Waving to fans who were wildly celebrating the win. But she wasn't paying attention any of them.

She had made a habit of unintentionally looking for you in every crowd, a small part in the back of her mind hoping that one day you'd be there smiling back at her just like you used to. But you never were, and every time Leah would be left alone, but sleep would not come without your arms holding her until she dozed off.

The English captain was doing a pretty good job of keeping everything to herself as she did a lap, until she saw a familiar flash of brown hair in the stands. And that's when her mind went into shambles. She momentarily stopped walking in her tracks and stared at the girl, for a second being convinced that it was you. And then another girl came into view this time with darker brown hair, but she once again was convinced this was you. It was like her mind was playing tricks on her. You're not fucking here...

She brought her hands up to her face and rubbed her eyes harshly, hoping that by doing so she'd slap some common sense into herself. But when she lifted her head, she couldn't stop herself from looking around again, from looking for you. It was as if her brain had set its mind onto something, and decided on finding you in the crowd of 60,000 people. But seeing as it was impossible to actually find you, she just felt as if she was going mental.

Lia, who noticed Leah's fidgeting, looked up at her and grabbed her hand, shooting a warm smile at her friend who was clearly distressed. It wasn't the first time the English had acted this way after a game and it was clear to all the girls the reason why.

'There's someone here to see you.' Lia Walti whispered, causing Leah's stomach to flip.

Was it you? Had you finally come out of hiding?

Lia began leading her towards the crowd of excited people.

At this point, Leah's hands were shaking and her free hand was fumbling with the untucked hem of her jersey. Her heart was racing faster than it ever had before and her breaths were becoming shorter, feeling as if she were starting to lose herself.

What if it actually was you? What would she do if you were here in the stands right now?

Lia lead her towards where Beth Mead and Alessia Russo was already standing, but before they could even reach it Leah abruptly stopped walking. Her eyes snapped up to the girl who Beth was chatting with, eyes narrowing as she couldn't believe the sight before her. It was you, it really was you this time. The long brown hair, which looked a lot darker now (but Leah just assumed that you'd dyed it in the time you were gone) the laugh that made her eyes light up, the jersey with the number 6 on the back that you always wore to her games. And although she couldn't see your face she was sure it was you.

'Y/n?' Leah whispered so quietly, still at least ten meters away, thinking no one could hear her, but of course Lia did.

'It's not her.' She said sadly looking over to Leah who's face fell, her hopeful expression now replaced with a broken one. 'It's just Alex.'

Her eyes filled up with tears and she quickly dropped her hand from Lia's, suddenly feeling a wave of nausea run through her as she responded, 'Fuck, I-I'm... I...,'

Her sentence trailed off as she looked up at the concerned face looking at her, but she couldn't finish her sentence. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she felt like her throat was closing up, quickly inhaling and exhaling in short breaths. She was scared, terrified, of the way she was feeling. The tricks that her mind kept playing on her, giving her hope only to crush it ten seconds later.

'I can't be here anymore, tell Alex I said hi.' Leah tells the Swiss girl before sharply turning around and leaving the stadium, not caring what the fans or players would say.

It was only once she finally got into the car that she let her emotions fully take over, tears streaming down her face as she slammed her face against the steering wheel.

Why would you do this to her? Why would you leave in attempts to make things better when in reality it was just making Leah spiral. A sudden surge of anger coursed through her veins, she was mad at you for causing so much pain when all she did was give you all her love.

She was mad at the fans, and all the other people that had made you feel like you weren't good enough, when you were more than that. You were the best human being she knew, you had a heart too big for this cruel would and nobody had the right to take that away.

Nothing could hurt Leah anymore, so for what felt like the millionth time since you'd left she picked up her phone and pressed on your numbers in her contacts. She couldn't care less if you didn't pick up, no amount of pain could ever hurt someone as numb as she was.

The phone rang for a solid thirty seconds, and Leah was about to give up and just go home when she heard a soft voice coming from her car speakers.

'Hello, who is this?' Your voice rung out and Leah could almost cry from happiness and relief. You were actually talking to her, you were still there and you sounded almost happy.

'Y/n... Is that you?' Leah asks softly, not hearing the gasp coming from your lips. She was shocked that you picked up for once, not knowing that the only reason was because she'd had her caller id off from earlier in the day.

You wouldn't have picked up if you had known.

'Leah?' You're voice was full of shock, the buzz from before gone. 'What are you doing?'

'What do you think I'm doing.' The defender exclaims, 'I've been worried sick about you for a whole year. I have no clue where you are or why you left. was it me? Did I do something wrong?' Her voice trails off as she leans back into her seat running her hand through her bleach blonde hair whilst anxiously biting the nails off her fingers on the other.

'Leah, you shouldn't have called.' She can hear the nerves in your voice but it doesn't stop her from getting angry. 'I've really got to go.'

'No.' She snaps into the phone 'You're staying on this call until you tell me why you left.'

'You know perfectly well why I left Leah.' But she didn't, ever since you'd been gone that was the one thing the Lioness wanted to know the answer to.

'I don't, I wish I did but I don't.' A sigh is heard over the phone line and Leah can hear papers rustling about before you speak again.

'I don't know why you care Leah. You've seemed to move on perfectly, you have Lia now and I'm not there to bring you and your career down with my mess of a life.' At first Leah was mad, mad that you'd ever think you were bringing her down, then confused what were you talking about when you said that she 'had Lia now'.

'Lia?' She says softly voicing her confusement.

'You don't have to act innocent Leah. I'm happy for you and Lia, you're great for each other and as long as you're happy so am I.' It's funny how well Leah knows you, even though you were only together for a short time, she could sense the small smile that you were obviously faking as you said this.

'I'm not with Lia.' Leah says, louder this time to make her point clear, 'how could I ever get with someone when you still have my heart. You had it from the very first time I laid eyes on you, and I'd like it back. Almost as much as I want my girlfriend to come back home.' She laughs lightly, although there is nothing humorous about the conversation the two of you were having. 'You can't expect me to love someone when I've already given you all the love I had.'

'Leah, you need to move on. It's better that way. It's better for you and your career, like I said before I'm not letting myself bring you down anymore.' You say firmly, trying to ignore the ache in your heart knowing after this conversation you might lose the best thing you've ever had, and never get her back. 'You know how much I hate goodbyes, and I would much rather this be hello, but it really is time you move on.' Tears were spilling down your cheeks now and you couldn't stop them.

'I can't move on, you know that.'

Silence filled the car Leah was in and the small office where you were sitting matched that silence. No one daring to speak not knowing the right words to say any more, there was no clear way that this conversation was going to end. You wanted to give Leah the life she deserved whereas the Brit was adamant that you were the one she wanted.

'You messed me up y/n/n, you really did. You left when things got hard, because it was easier for you to walk out than fight for us and I thought you were stronger than that. I lay awake at night, every night, wondering why god brought you into my life, only to take you away from me and leave me a broken mess. I make mistakes, we all do, and if you're a mistake then you're the best mistake I've ever made. But it's still left me broken and I guess that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for caring too much, sorry for feeling joy when I'm around, sorry for feeling safe in your arms, sorry for getting so addicted to you that it feels like I can't think right when your not around, sorry for all the calls and thinking they were a good idea. But most of all I'm sorry that I'm never going to stop loving you and I'm never going to stop trying until I get you back.'

A sob escaped from you, you couldn't hold it back. It was the most heartfelt thing you'd ever heard anyone say, Leah was never going to stop loving you and you would never stop loving her. And maybe in another life where you weren't as depressed and could keep your shit together without pulling down other people with you, you and Leah could've had the happily ever after that are always written in children's fairytales.

Because maybe all along your love story really was just a case of right person, wrong time.

And that was the most fucked up joke the universe could ever play on you.

[wileys-russo]

leah being described as strict gave me a thought:

imagine dating her (the team knows) and since she’s captain and takes her role very serious, you get into trouble for not listening and talking to someone else on the team while you’re supposed to be doing drills and she makes you do a few extra drills which you’re obviously not happy about

so after trainings done and you’re at home with her you refuse to hold her hand or let her hug you and say that you’re too sore from the extra drills she made you do which Leah does not appreciate and it ends with her just grabbing you anyway until you give in since you secretly wanted to hug her and were just throwing a little tantrum

thank you if you do write it 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

drill sergeant II l.williamson

"ky there is literally no way thats possible." you scoffed with a shake of your head, sat in your cubby next to hers as the girl was avidly recounting how she built a house of cards last night using 101 cards.

"ask teyah!" kyra nodded as her eyes searched the room for her blonde roommate. "she's already doing her program in the gym." alessia chuckled on your other side, also doubtful of the young australians tall tale.

"i did do it, i'm being serious swear!" kyra whined with an annoyed huff as both you and alessia shared a look. "well its like the little boy who cried wolf. maybe if you lied less we'd be more inclined to believe you!" you grinned as clapping sounded.

"get movin girls! pitch in two minutes or its a fine and laps." your girlfriend shouted, clapping her hands as there was a thunder of cleats clicking against the floor as you and alessia scrambled to tug your own boots on, kyra darting off.

"if we get laps because of her big mouth-" the blonde striker huffed, standing to her feet having gotten her laceless boots on in milliseconds as you hurried to tie your own laces.

"relax lessi! i've got the girlfriend card to play and you get protection as the best friend of the girlfriend." you grinned, jumping up and slinging an arm over her shouder.

"future maid of honour of the girlfriend!" alessia reminded with a wag of her finger as you pushed her hand away with a grin and both beelined it out of the change rooms.

unfortunately for you two you were the last to the pitch, and with kimmy out with a flare up in an old hamstring injury it left leah to run the pack beneath jonas who would be a little late this morning due to a meeting.

"right you two. thats a ten pound fine and a lap then stretch, if you're not back in five its another!" leah barely glanced at the two of you as alessia groaned loudly and you stared at your girlfriend in disbelief.

"clocks started girls, move it!" she called seriously over her shoulder as alessia sighed in defeat and started to run, you eventually following after her as leah continued to ignore your looks sent her way as she focused on warm ups.

"so about that girlfriend card?" alessia shot you an unimpressed look as you rolled your eyes. "declined!" you huffed, the two of you falling into a comfortable silence as you saved your breath and jogged the pitch.

it appeared you'd returned just in time as leah sent you both a nod and gestured for the pair of you to stretch, turning her back to converse with kelly who'd just arrived to help out. kyra sent the two of you a guilty smile as alessia's blue eyes shot daggers her way and you couldn't help but smile.

"leave her be she didn't mean any harm less." you chuckled, knocking your shoulder into alessia but a little harder than intended, and given your best friend was horizontally challenged she was sent tumbling to the ground accidentally taking frida down with her who in turn grabbed onto lia who joined the small pile up.

"oi! whats going on?" leah was there within seconds with a scowl as laughter errupted from the team and the three girls helped one another up, alessia's face burning bright red as she shoved you.

"you two, lap again! grow up." leah scolded, returning back to kellys side as your jaw dropped. "for fuck sakes." you grumbled under your breath, alessia sprinting off this time as you jogged, making sure to send your girlfriend a look which she seemingly stared right through as if you weren't there.

that made you frown, then lost in your own thoughts you hadn't realised alessia had long finished, choosing to sprint it to get it over with faster as by the time you returned everyone had already paired off for drills.

which of course, left you with leah.

"next time you dawdle its sit ups, come on." the blonde nodded, tapping a ball your way as you mocked her under your breath but followed, the two of you completing the drill in silence.

normally the taller girl would be talking your ear off as she had been ever since she was able to touch grass again, elated to finally be back with the team.

you weren't sure where the disconnect had grown from, as she was her usual self all morning, in the car ride over here and at team breakfast. yet here she was barely able to look at you without shaking her head in annoyance and it begun to grate at you.

things seemed to worsen throughout the session as time after time leah would use you as an example for simple comments or mistimed mistakes which would normally be overlooked or a warning.

it wasn't just you who would be punished, a lot of the girls settled into their own extra drills with a sigh as they were called out for slacking off or chatting, but it felt personal as it seemed leahs eyes were constantly watching and waiting for you to slip up.

you tried your very best to take them on the chin and tell yourself she was just doing her job as stand in captain, you knew she'd been nervous at taking back the mantle up with having had so much time off due to her injury, but you'd had weeks of training with her now without any issues.

"oi! did i say run your legs or run your mouths? 30 push ups, the pair of you!" leah yelled as kyra jabbed her fingers into your sides making you laugh loudly and tell her off, your face falling as kyra sighed and dropped to her stomach.

"leah she just poked me, thats hardly a contact violation or a reason to punish either of us. lay off would you!" you rolled your eyes, having had enough of the little comments and gestured for kyra to stand up, the australian looking nervously between you and leah.

"no kyra keep going. you too, drop!" leah warned crossing her arms over her chest and staring you down as the two of you locked eyes unwavering. but with a few murmured warnings to let it go from your teammates and you dropped, grumbling angrily under your breath as you went.

by the time you'd finished it was time for a round robin of games, something leah thankfully would only be a participant in as jonas and the coaching staff took the reigns.

focusing in on the game you tried to use it to let out the last of the frustration toward your girlfriend which was bubbling just below the surface, pushing hard as you could to score which paid off.

"get in, super boot strikes again!" you couldn't help but grin as beth jumped onto your back as your team won their final game, jogging around and twirling her for a moment before placing her back down on her feet.

training called for the day you ignored the smile sent your way by leah as she approached you, turning on your heel and hurrying to wedge yourself inbetween lotte and alessia, slinging your arms over their shoulders.

"lift me!" you demanded hanging off of them and causing all three of you to slam down into the ground, a tangle of sweaty limbs and laughter as you all peeled yourself off one another. "you do that every time and every time you never learn it doesn't work!" lotte groaned rubbing her neck as the three of you wandered into the change rooms.

"or the two of you need to learn how to lift me!" you grinned latching on and swinging between them as again all three of you tumbled to the ground.

"you are the worst." alessia groaned causing you to reach out and smack her, lotte standing with an amused roll of her eyes as the pair of you rolled around for a minute, the other girls stepping over you as if you both weren't there.

"practicing your wrestling are we babe? wrong sport i think." you looked up to meet leahs eyes and let go of alessia, standing to your feet and brushing the dust off your training uniform, choosing not to make a comment and striding over to your cubby.

your girlfriend gave you a strange look but just put it down to you being tired, waiting patiently for you to shower and change. "ready?" the blonde asked with a smile, sat at your locker and twirling her keys around her finger.

you blanked her once again, reaching past her to grab your bag, accidentally smacking her in the head with it as you turned and strode out of the change rooms. rubbing her head with a frown leah looked at alessia for help who held her hands up mumbling she wasn't getting involved before leah hurried after you.

you must have sprinted your way out of colney because she didn't catch you until she arrived at her car where you stood waiting, arms crossed and sunglasses covering your eyes. normally you'd wait for her to open the door for you, rewarding her with a kiss and a joke about chivarly.

but the moment leah unlocked her car you were sat right inside, tossing your bag on the backseat and shrinking away from her, pushing her hand away as it rested on your thigh as normal.

"alright whats wrong? why are you being like this?" leah scowled in confusion and annoyance at your dismissive behavior. much to her continued frustration you ignored her, busying yourself with your phone as leah sighed and shook her head, driving off none the less.

every attempt at conversation ignored leah gave up, drowned out by your continued turning up of the radio as you stared out the window.

finally arriving back to your shared home you were just as fast to exit the car as enter, grabbing your bag and wrestling your keys out, letting yourself in as leah followed behind.

"right, thats it!" the blonde huffed as you slung the door shut in her face, yanking it open and storming in after you. "whats up your ass then?" leah snatched the remote from you and held it out of reach, raising an eyebrow clearly expecting a response.

when she didn't get one, the anger faded.

"babe!" leah whined, throwing her head back with a groan. "i miss you, gimme a cuddle cmon." leah flopped herself basically on top of you as you pushed her off and tucked your limbs into your body.

"baby!' leah groaned again, trying to yank your arms open to settle into them. "sorry i'm a bit tired from the laps and the sit ups and the sprints and push ups the stand in gaffa had me doing for no reason!" you finally snapped, shooting her a glare and scooting your body away from hers.

realizing now why you were behaving this way leahs lips curled into a smile which only furthered your infatuation with her. "stop giving me that stupid fucking smirk before i smack it off your face!" you warned, leahs grin growing as she raised her eyebrows as if to challenge you to even try.

"oh babe, you cannot seriously be mad at me over that?" leah chuckled, scooting her body closer as you tried to expand the distance but having reached the end of the sofa you were stuck.

"over that? leah you singled me out, picked on me and didn't get off my ass the entire session, and for the most stupid shit!" you seethed, your girlfriend grabbing your legs and tugging them into her lap.

"you were mucking about love and you had plenty of warnings." leah smiled, fingers tracing lines up and down your calves as you huffed and stared away from her. "didn't we long ago make an agreement about not letting our relationship affect us on the pitch?" the blonde continued.

"whats that got to do with anything?" "well, it would mean that i don't give you any special treatment." "the way you singled me out today sure felt like special treatment!"

"baby-" you didn't give her the chance to finish, kicking her hands away and swinging yourself to your feet, thumping off to the kitchen. "oi, stop running away before you let me finish." leah followed after you, watching as you rummaged through the fridge still ignoring her.

"if i give you special treatment and let you get away with-" once again you didn't let her finish, ducking under her arm and returning to the living room, flicking on the tv and shoving the remote into your pocket.

it was only a few seconds before the grinning blonde blocked your view, staring down at you as you met her eyeline with a glare and averted your eyes.

"if i treat you any differently than the other girls just because we're together, i'd be a bad captain. its the same at england camps and i've never once heard you complain!" leah continued as you stayed silent once more.

you were surprised as she seemingly gave in and sat down beside you, though of course that was a generous assumption as instead your girlfriend switched tactics to gain your attention.

"fuck off." you mumbled after her foot dug into your hip for the fifth time, shoving her legs aggressively away from you making the defender smirk. "no, give me attention." leahs legs swung repeatedly into your lap as you continued to push them off.

as time passed by without leah having any success her amused smile melted into a frown of frustration. "fine, you leave me no choice!" leah suddenly stood and before you could even blink her hands were wedging under your arms and tossing you over her shoulder.

"leah put me down!" you smacked her back with your hands as she carried you upstairs with ease. "stop ignoring me, you're bein childish." leah threw you down onto the bed, crawling on top of you before you could move.

"i'm being childish!" you scoffed in disbelief with a roll of your eyes. "glad you agree babe." leah grinned as you shot her a glare. "now since we're home and captain williamson is still at colney, how about your girlfriend gives your poor tired legs a massage?" leah smiled, propping her head up on her hand.

"its a massive turn off to hear you talk about yourself in the third person." "leah disagrees."

you tried to hold back a smile at that but you cracked, the corners of your mouth curling upward. "leah see's that little smile, can't hide from her." your girlfriend beamed, kissing all over your face as you gave in with a sigh, unable to really be mad at her anymore when she was her normal charmingly sweet self.

"girlfriend leah is still very happy to give you a massage baby girl." "stop!" you gave a half groan half laugh at her repeated use of her own name.

"i'll take the massage though, least you can do after picking on me all day." you frowned, pouting your lips upward as your girlfriend who knew you all too well ducked down to press her own against them for a moment.

"my poor baby, picked on by her big bad mean captain." the blonde cooed mockingly once she'd pulled away, squeezing your cheeks between her hand.

"yeah she's awful, so stern and rigid and uptight. sort of miss when she was sidelined and her coaching wasn't so hands on!" you sighed, squealing as leahs slender fingers dug into your ribs for the comment.

"oh i'll show you just how hands on i can really be my girl."

[cucurbitapuella]

I think I loved El Higgins so much bc she really digs deep into a core character trait I find so powerful and fascinating and that's selfishness as fuel for selflessness. The ones who look around and tell the world, don't you dare touch that one, They're Mine, and pour all of that and all of themselves into protecting what's Theirs, and also btw fuck off that one is Also Theirs, in fact, Everyone Is.

(See also: Tiffany Aching, Beka Cooper).

The Last Graduate is most obviously about this (El has her alliance who are Hers and then despite her best efforts she has her pack of freshmen who are, ugh, Hers, and eventually must grudgingly open up to realizing that now absolutely everyone is Hers and she's getting all of them out there, fuck you very much), but then. Then! The Golden Enclaves shows the struggle of that kind of selfishness, of saying these ones are mine and fuck the cost, I will pay it (off of the backs of those ones). Because the modern enclaves ARE paying it, because their children are Theirs and what wouldn't you do? (A lot, actually, it turns out, if you had to do it with your own hands, eyes open and ears unblocked)

The way that most of the contributors to an Enclave need the wool pulled over their eyes (literally!!) so they cannot even register that the gift horse HAS teeth, because then they might see what horrible gore is stuck in them. They just want to save their children, and the cost is so high - but it's so removed, so, is it really even real? And El's the cosmic foil to that, the one who looks at it and goes "no, that's real. You have to pay it yourselves you can't defer the cost." Even before she works out that the price is higher than the first sacrifice (which is. Horrifying enough on its own), she's desperately trying to get to one of Hers and she can't pay the cost to save Liu on her own, she needs them all to buy in, and she taps into everyone's collective selfishnes and gives them an out and they have to work for it but they take it and they do the work! They pay up front! They try to make some fucked up reparations!

And that selfishness, of El's audacity to even dare question the system, but also most people's basic selfishness (wanting to keep yourself and your children safe and to do it without all the blood on your hands) - that's what's going to see them all through, together.

[suzukiblu]

do you have any wips w/ tim/cassie/bart/kon ??

Nice to meet you, friend, I can tell you're new around here, haha. 💙💙

These are mostly Kon-slanted in one way or another, given he's my fave blorbo, though he's not the POV character in all of them and in a couple of them he is only TECHNICALLY an involved on-screen character, hah.

a pocketful of Kons (( chrono || non-chrono || AO3 )) - A Pocket soulmates AU where Tim, Cassie, and Bart all wake up to their own tiny "Superman", which seems pretty weird, given that Superman is, like, super-old? And also super-DEAD. Like, he's definitely super, super dead.

Cassie gets a Pocket (or three) (( chrono || non-chrono )) - Another Pocket soulmates AU. Cassie wakes up after the first campout with YJ98 to find out she's got some tiny pocket-sized soulmates and has a crisis about it. ( Technically a prequel to Damian gets a Pocket, which itself includes Tim and HIS tiny pocket-sized soulmates in a guest-star role, but just in the sense that it's another entry in a series about different people in the same AU meeting their Pockets; there's not a strongly-linked narrative/plot going between them. )

it's not fine anymore (( chrono || non-chrono )) - Tim, Cassie, and Bart decide it is OBVIOUSLY time for the Core Four to all start dating each other and Kon and his internalized acephobia/Cadmus-designed ED have a whole-ass emotional crisis about it.

YJ accidental baby acquisition (( chrono || non-chrono )) - Cassie, Tim, and Bart all get speed-cloned into one metaweapon built to take out intruders in a dubiously-ethical lab they're investigating. Kon decides to throw a wrench in that and interrupts the process, and now there is a four year-old Greek demigod with Speed Force access and a Bat-brain that they have to explain to the Justice League. Mazel tov!

nsfw:

come on barbie let's go party (( chrono || non-chrono )) - Kon gets magically shrunk down to action figure-size for a day or so and they're all weird and horny about it. That's it, that's the fic. [ nsfw ]

the Core Four gangs up on Kon's objectification kink (( chrono || non-chrono )) - The Core Four accidentally trips over a new kink of Kon's and REALLY leans into it in, like, borderline-gangbang fashion. [ nsfw ]

honorable mentions, as being YJ polyam with the whole YJ98 team:

YJ packs up and gets pupped (( chrono || non-chrono )) - Omegaverse fic where Kon presents his secondary gender while stray and is emotionally unwell about it but DEFINITELY totally FINE handling it on his own, DEFINITELY, he is SO FINE ABOUT THIS, which ( eventually ) features the OG six in a polyam situation. Kon-centric.

gender? I hardly know her! (( chrono || non-chrono )) - This is actually I think kinda all over the place in its tag, ngl, so not really in proper chrono/all-together order, but neither is its file in my WIP folder so that's just authenticity, baby!! It's literally just "Young Justice is sliding into a situationship and Kon finds out that Kryptonians can cisswap based on the physical sex of the prospective partner that they're currently most attracted to", and also Slobo being incredibly shameless and a little bit of Tim's "I really thought I was straight and I don't know what Kon turning into a girl over me means for that" sexuality crisis. OG six plus Anita and Slobo polym. [ nsfw ]

[smoky-lucine]

Dean Finds You After Running Away

Dean Winchester & Little sister!reader ft. John and Sam Winchester After a hunt with John goes wrong, you decide to try to run away, not making it far. Reader is around 12 years old, Sam 16 and Dean 20, Injuries, mention of fighting, nobody's really happy long day :/ hopefully tomorrow is better

Everybody was tired of John yelling at you. He decided it was a good idea to bring you on a wendigo hunt, giving you a flamethrower that was too heavy for you to hold and expecting you to do the big kill with him, also bringing one for himself. Sam and Dean were very worried for you, but did not want to upset John and didn’t argue.

It obviously did not go well. After finding the monster in an open field, taking another person to kill, the four of you run out to take the wendigo down. John sprints toward it pulling his trigger, and the flames shoot out injuring it and lighting its abdomen on fire. You catch up to him and struggle to lift your flamethrower up enough to aim at the wendigo, and Dean runs behind you to help you aim, hitting the tall monster.

The wendigo notices you while in pain and tries to attack you, knocking the flamethrower out of your hands while you and Dean fall back in pain, just before the wendigo completely lights up in flames and falls to the ground dead. You fall onto Dean, the both of you coughing and out of breath. John rushes everybody to the car and starts to drive away, noticing Dean beside him holding his side in pain. John lifts his shirt up revealing the huge bruise already forming and he feels where three of Dean’s ribs broke during the fall.

The rest of the ride consists of John yelling at Dean about why he would even think of helping you and how foolish he is to get hurt, and berating you as to why you couldn’t do it yourself and asking you why you never do anything right with the family business.

Hours later in the motel, John is passed out asleep after coming back from the bar. Dean sleeps beside you holding an ice pack to his ribs and Sam comforts you, still upset about the hunt.

“You know none of this is your fault, right? Dad never should’ve even brought you with us let alone expect you to kill a wendigo on one of your first hunts.” Sam tucks you into bed before turning off the lights and getting into his own bed, the pull-out couch.

“I know. I just feel like I don’t do enough to help you guys. I’m not good at hunting but he doesn’t trust me to stay home by myself.” You turn to look at Sam and he looks at you like he knows what you’re going to say.

“Why can’t we just run away from Dad? Dean’s an adult a-and he could be our guardian. We could move far away, and he wouldn’t know where we went and-”

Sam stops you as John moves in his sleep and rolls over in his bed. His breathing continues as normal, and Sam puts a finger to his mouth to tell you to talk quieter.

“Y/N I’ve already told you why we can’t run away. It’s just not safe right now.”

“But it seems so easy. It’s like he doesn’t even care.”

“I know it does, I’m sorry Y/N. Get some rest, I don’t know where we’re going tomorrow.” Sam rolls over and eventually falls asleep.

But you just can’t sleep. John expects you to be on par with him, and yells at you for hours when any of you aren’t. You hurt Dean because of your mistake, and he’s not able to hunt for weeks now. Why can’t you run away? The door is right there.

You quietly get out of bed and grab your backpack filled with your hunting equipment and spare clothes and make your way out the door. You made it outside. It really was that easy.

Looking around at the quiet parking lot, you start heading down the road going towards the diner just a bit away. John didn’t even bother getting dinner after the hunting fiasco.

Using the diner’s bathroom, you change out of your pajamas into your everyday clothes and take a seat. The waitress takes your order and leaves to ring it in. The diner wasn’t busy with how late it was, but the people that were eating did not look friendly, and a few looked at you confused. You were a little young to be out by yourself this late.

You finish your meal waiting for your change from the waitress, when you hear the front door jingle. Looking up you see Dean, making eye contact with you, not happy.

He sits down in the booth in front of you and picks at the fries you didn’t finish. You sit in silence for a few minutes before Dean sighs and looks down.

“Where were you going to go after this?” He raises his eyebrows looking at you.

“I don’t know. Sleep at the park?” you look outside the window looking for any ideas, but the town is so tiny there isn’t much. Dean chuckles and looks outside too.

“Yeah, I’ve tried that one. Good way to get your bag stolen, you just have to walk back to the motel with nothing.”

Deans never mentioned that he’s ran away before. He sees the surprise in your face and continues as he laughs.

“Oh of course I’ve done all this before. Do you think you’re the only one that wants away from Dad? I’ve tried all the tricks and plans. Every time it’s either he finds you, or you make your way back to him.”

You sigh and look at Dean still holding his ribs silently in pain.

“Dean I’m so sorry I hurt you I really didn’t mean it I-”

“It’s okay kid, I’ve had worse. Really. All I care about is getting you home before Dad knows you tried to leave. He wouldn’t let you hear the end of it after earlier.”

The two of you walk back to the motel and you pause, stopping right outside the door. You turn to Dean and start pleading with him to just drive you somewhere to go for the night and that you could really do this and not get caught. He stops you and just sighs.

“Look, I really wish I could take all of us away from this, kid. It’s just not that easy.” You look down in complete defeat and Dean pulls you into a tight hug and whispers “I really do. I swear to God we will leave someday, I promise.”

You and Dean quietly sneak back into the motel, John and Sam exactly how you left them. You both get back into bed, Dean giving one last smile before closing his eyes. Maybe one day he’ll follow that promise.

[kurigohan0909]

Rewatching Link Click: Easter eggs in your noodle soup?

So I've just finished watching both seasons of Link Click/Shíguāng Dàilǐ-rén, which means that obviously I'm watching it all over again. What did you expect me to do, sit around waiting for Bridon arc while the Bilibili official account taunts us with replays??

Besides, Link Click is one of those dishes that is best served twice. The early episodes are packed with hints and foreshadowing that only become clear once you've gotten up to date, so I've made it my mission to catch 'em all.

You don't say.

It's well known that certain early mini-arcs (for instance Chen Xiao's basketball match, and Doudou's kidnapping) have implications for the larger plotline or at least contain important exposition/character insights that the story would not feel complete without. There are also several that get written off as filler, or are generally considered to not have any purpose beyond familiarising the audience with the characters and setup, and lulling you into a false sense of comfort before everything goes to shit. Episode 2: Secret Recipe, AKA the Noodle Lesbians episode, beloved as it is, tends to fall into the second category.

Or does it?

On a rewatch, I still don't think it does anything to advance the main plot. We don't even really know where it fits into the timeline, because we're never told what day it is and Lu Guang's watch is never shown on screen (I'll get around to a longer analysis of this another day). However, I'm instead inclined to believe that it's one of the most important episodes in the show - if not THE most important - because it's essentially an allegory for the story of Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang, and gives you a bird's eye view of how the relationship between them is going to develop - which, as you know, is what the show is all about. And the fact that it's not situated in a specific time, in a show that cares heavily about timeline construction, makes it better.

The episode starts with this quote from German photographer August Sander, who believed that, through photography, he could reveal the characteristic traits of people. "The portrait is your mirror. It's you." It's pretty explicit, when you think about it. This episode is a mirror of the entire series, specifically of its protagonists.

Moving on. The episode's storyline is quite simple: two college "roommates" start a noodle shop together, and as time passes, they drift apart and eventually fall out as their priorities change. Yu Xia, the business-oriented one between them, wants to get hold of the secret ingredient used by Lin Zhen, to whose cooking the shop attributes its success. Does Yu Xia really want to steal the secret recipe? Or is it just one of the many things that the quieter Lin Zhen keeps hidden from her that she desperately wants to know, along with everything that went wrong between them? Your guess is as good as mine. Either way, there are lots of indirect parallels between Xialin of the noodle shop and Shiguang of the photo studio, even if for now they're very distinct individuals with their own personalities and struggles. It does, however, give some indication of what's to come.

This question isn't purely rhetorical, as we find out in the very next arc, where Cheng Xiaoshi has a fight with Lu Guang over letting his client's loved ones perish in the Wenchuan earthquake. Even if they eventually come to a consensus, they have fundamentally different life philosophies and approach their missions in very different ways. Cheng Xiaoshi is a hyperempathetic idealist who keeps trying to use his forays back into the past to fix his clients' personal problems, while Lu Guang remains utterly indifferent and staunchly against interfering, even in life-or-death situations. Which turns out to be a facade, because we later learn that he's just as much of a meddler as Cheng Xiaoshi - except he's focused on a singular, selfish goal, which is to keep Cheng Xiaoshi alive at any cost.

Let's go back to the noodle shop. After ten years of running the business together, it becomes clear that the ladies' aspirations are no longer compatible. Yu Xia has big plans for the shop. She wants to broaden their customer base - for profit, of course, but also so that more people can be made happy by the chance to taste their noodles. Lin Zhen's dreams, however, are on a smaller scale - perhaps only on a personal scale. Throughout the episode, it seems that she only really cares about making noodles for one person.

Sound familiar?

At the risk of digressing, it needs to be said that Yu Xia and Lin Zhen are absolutely very much a WLW couple. This isn't bait, it's elegant and really quite unsubtle queercoding that says 'to hell with censorship' loud and clear. Honeymoon jokes, the taxi driver assuming Lin Zhen had fought with her husband, and Lin Zhen's very bold attempts at flirting... we see you.

More to the point of this post, I think it's important to point out that Lin Zhen does not actually care for too many people other than Yu Xia. She's all worn out from making noodles for customers, but she forgets all about that when it's time to make a bowl for Yu Xia. She also keeps her special ingredient - which is one of the secrets she shares with Yu Xia, as we find out - highly guarded. She's never going to let these pesky reporters in on something so intimate.

Why is this important? Because, as it turns out, the episode's storyline - and Lin Zhen's motives - are all about saving Yu Xia.

We learn that the secret ingredient is a local specialty from Yu Xia's hometown. Lin Zhen has been using it for years, keeping the taste of home alive while Yu Xia's drifted further and further from home to the point where she can no longer remember where the ingredient came from. At the end of it all, when Yu Xia returns home, she finds Lin Zhen there waiting for her. Lin Zhen, mind you, does not hail from the same town. The girls met in college. It's home to her simply because it's Yu Xia's home.

This comes directly after a pilot episode that establishes the contrast between urban isolation and rural/familial warmth, through Emma's eyes, and in a show that continually reinforces the concept of longing for home and loved ones. By forcing Yu Xia to reevaluate her priorities, Lin Zhen manages to bring her back home - which is a place that includes herself.

Perhaps it's too early to say. But to me, it's a pretty neat thematic parallel of Lu Guang's solo quest to save Cheng Xiaoshi from death; which is intertwined with a greater goal of giving Cheng Xiaoshi a home, one that is safe and secure and surrounds him with those that love him and are there to stay.

But in the process of achieving this, one of his biggest obstacles is Cheng Xiaoshi himself - his insistence on interfering with the timeline so that Lu Guang can't predict events with certainty, his objections to the way Lu Guang does things, and the definite resistance Lu Guang will come up against if Cheng Xiaoshi learns about his plan. Pretty much every minor mission they undertake is a rehash of the same argument; Cheng Xiaoshi wants to use their combined powers to make a difference to other people's lives, and Lu Guang just has one goal in mind which means that he's going to ignore absolutely everyone else.

Notice how Yu Xia's looking to the future, while Lin Zhen's dream is to go back to a point in the past? Neat.

And when they finally part ways because it's clear Yu Xia is not going to support Lin Zhen's goal? Yu Xia asks her where she's going to go after they part ways, and Lin Zhen says:

I wonder where we've heard that before.

And if you need any more proof that this episode is in fact intended to be a mirror, do consider:

Their seating positions are mirrored too. Yeeeeaaaaaahhhh.

In conclusion: if this allegory is to be believed, then trust that Lu Guang will eventually succeed in his mission and Cheng Xiaoshi will find his way home to him. It'll happen, guys. In the meantime, at least our beloved noodle ladies will be living a peaceful life out in the countryside.

Since I don't know how to shut up and this website seems to be giving me infinite space to yap, let me include some more details about this episode that I found cool. There are so many.

Lin Zhen and Lu Guang are both shown while this line is being said. What with all that the fragrant flowers represent, it makes you think about what these characters' best memories might be and how much they treasure them.

This is such a tiny detail that you'd almost definitely miss it on the first watch, and it seems insignificant - until it isn't. When Cheng Xiaoshi hops into the girls' picture taken during their college days, he screws up and suggests they'd be better off dabbling in tech stuff like apps or intelligent management than running a noodle shop. Lu Guang makes him quickly eat his words, but they seem to have still struck a chord with Yu Xia - because later we see that she works over years to integrate an intelligent supply chain management system into their business. In fact, one of the reasons for Lin Zhen to alienate herself from the business is because she feels like it's gotten too techy and lost its human touch. Not really fair considering it was her own idea, is it?

I mean. This is probably a stretch. Digitization is pretty inevitable for big businesses nowadays, so Yu Xia, being as enterprising as she is, might have gone for it whether Lin Zhen suggested it or not. But it's interesting to think that it might be Cheng Xiaoshi's tiny alteration of the past that unfurled outwards like a hurricane from the beating of a butterfly's wing and catalysed their falling out. Especially because these kinds of bootstrap phenomena very much occur in later episodes and are a core feature of Link Click's time travel model.

Some suspicious behaviour on Lu Guang's part. He's quite certain there are no useful clues in the last picture Yu Xia and Lin Zhen took in front of their shop, despite it being the only one taken by Lin Zhen (seriously! you could go to her house, look through her phone, the possibilities are endless!) and the fact that this is the photo Cheng Xiaoshi did end up solving the mystery in, thanks to the ticket stubs he found in her purse (see?) Secondly, they outright miss a picture in the envelope - the most important picture of all which would have given them the answer right away, since this was when the fragrant flowers were first used. Not your best work, Lu Guang.

...or is it? Lu Guang is pretty meticulous, and it's unlike him to slip up in such obvious ways. He's also skilled at slipping things back into envelopes when he doesn't want them to be seen, as we know. Could it be that he didn't want Cheng Xiaoshi to solve the mystery? But why? Maybe it's metaphorical, like so much else of this episode: he doesn't want Cheng Xiaoshi to uncover his true intentions. The fact that all this is ultimately for his sake.

Interestingly, Lu Guang was very dejected at the idea of them seemingly being out of luck - they'd tried so many times and failed to fulfill the mission. Was he, perhaps, thinking about another mission he'd hate to fail? Anyway, it falls to Cheng Xiaoshi to cheer him up and give him hope for another try, which he accepts, with a small but genuine smile. My heart.

If you've scrolled this far, I'm glad you enjoyed my ramblings! I must say I don't know much about how Tumblr works so apologies if I mess up on formatting or tags, but I'll probably get the hang of it soon enough. I'll also probably end up enjoying Tumblr more than Twitter since it allows me unfettered yap space and won't feed my writing to the machine (yet). It's late and I should probably stop stop thinking bout it around now... but look forward to more random ramblings and thank you for reading!

[spork-supremacy]

Animal symbols

So I started deeply thinking about the meaning of each animal everyone gets as a representation and came up with all this.

Octopus: Amazing at adaptation due to its camouflage ability, suits Jay’s ability to blend into any environment and find a way to gain companions as he adapts, (for reference see: the one time he gained a cult-like fanclub, the ninja reserve team, joining the administration and somehow becoming middle management.) It also demonstrates how his true potential lied in understanding that he didn’t need to change himself because he was okay the way he was. While he is good at adaptation, at his core he is always going to be himself, like how even though an octopus can change colour and patterns, they can never change their shape.

For funsies we can also have the fact that octopi have eight limbs and take it as a representation for how Jay also has probably the most extensive list of hobbies and weapon mastery out of the entire team from what we have been shown. Jack of all trades, master of none. 

Bird: The original phoenix design represented the rebirth and the continuous change of identity that Nya goes through as a character as she tries to be able to define herself, first just being Kai’s sister, to Samurai X, and then finally the water ninja. The change to water in the bird was obviously because of the element she gained, but it could also display her freedom and discovery of new identity, shedding the fire that came from her brother and becoming her own person. Like the phoenix the original bird died and reincarnated into something new as her true potential was reached through embracing of her power and new role.

Lion: fierce, often treated as a leader and protector, lions are often posed as a main character or authority figure in a story, as well as a creature with a considerable temper, and dubbed ‘The king of the jungle’ (despite mostly living in the savannah but I digress). This can refer the Kai’s need to be the protector/big brother figure of the group by wanting to take the mantel of the green ninja, the best of the best, the leader, until his eventual realisation that his true potential lies in being the guard to the green ninja and teach Lloyd as he grows and learns.

Wolf: pack animals loyal to their family, this is the first association when thinking about the behaviour of a wolf, their loyalty and dedication. This can be heavily reflected in Zane once, alone as he wandered around Ninjago aimlessly, dare I say as a lone wolf, before finding his family with the ninja. His true potential was reached once he was able to find his purpose, that he was built to protect those who could not protect themselves, but most importantly that came when he needed to protect his family. Like a wolf Zane is loyal to those he cares about and will do anything to ensure their safety, even if that means dying at least three times.

Gorilla: strong, protective, and courageous, these are the most prominent traits we can find in this animal. Of course Cole has all these traits, he possesses a super strength like no other, he is heavily protective of his friends, and he is one to never backdown from a fight. Most importantly his true potential was reached through gaining his courage and the ability to confront his problems, having the courage to tell his father he’s a ninja and wants to forge his own future not the one forced onto him. While it does take him until at least Master of the Mountain to be able to stop running away completely, in that moment he had all the courage he needed. Like the gorilla he is sturdy and courageous, able to get through anything.

Snake: The snake in the original green ninja gi calls back to how Lloyd was originally aligned with the serpentine, what we can also see it that the snake was an ouroboros. An ouroboros represents the completion of a cycle, or the concept of infinity, which can relate to Lloyd eventually gaining the golden power and fulfilling the prophecy of the green ninja. It can also represent the completion of the mission to restore and maintain balance throughout Ninjago through the defeat of the Overlord, as just another part of an infinite cycle of duty held by all members of the FSM’s family at some point in their lives. That fulfilment of his part of the cycle was what unlocked his true potential as he was able to achieve the ultimate power. Other than that Lloyd isn’t anything much like a snake which might be partially why his symbol was changed to that of a dragon.

Dragon: Often seen as the mightiest of mythical beings, in the context of Ninjago it also represents some of the oldest beings in the existence of the 16 realms. The dragon can also refer to his heritage as he is at least a quarter dragon. The dragon also best displays how mythical the power of green can be perceived as, it’s not a straightforward thing, either energy, power, personally I think it’s about general life force energy. Like a dragon compared to regular animals, Lloyd is powerful and a being above regular creatures, not completely something different but definitely not a normal human or elemental master for that matter. 

Conclusion: Half the team is just about protection and I’m definitely over thinking everything as this was supposed to be just a few lines, not 900 words.

[fall0utmind]

Hello again! I'm the same anon that sent the ask about the various forms of guilt present in the a/b/o sick fic.

The anons have been absolutely brilliant with the fic ideas recently!! 

Combining the idea of Marc needing to get a hysterectomy and Vale getting his alpha vocal cords removed altered my brain chemistry a little ngl!! (Medical horror my beloved 🥰) Both of them physically loosing something that is a pretty large part of their secondary gender. Their contrasting reactions to it.

Marc as you've mentioned, adding it to his long list of things that make him The Worst Omega to ever exist (a list that doesn't include a single thing that actually makes him a bad omega, but yknow hes not gonna take a moment and reflect on that, an endless spiral of self hatred and repression is much more safe).

To contrast Vale, who I think at that point would actually agree to the procedure pretty quickly and honestly, if he really didn't realise that he'd used his alpha voice, would probably be relieved, because if that were me I'd probably spend the rest of my life terrified that I'd do it again, or that i had done it other times before.. (the betrayal of your own body/subconscious is such a good trope if done right) Not that he'd admit all that, because Marc has obviously suffered more and Vale is terrified of making this about himself, but at the same time overthinking every time he told someone in his packs to do something.. did they do it because they wanted to or because they had no choice? The pressure just building and building until eventually the dam breaks and he asks during one of the academy pack nesting/sleepover nights, (without Marc present) if he ever used his voice on any of them too? They'd tell him if he did, right? Does the alpha voice even work on other alphas, or just omegas and betas? Or maybe there's a difference between a regular alpha, an alpha to their mate and the pack alpha using their voice? That would probably make the most sense from a world building standpoint, with like disobeying a regular alpha command being a mild discomfort at most, while the other two actually cause pain. Vale (and maybe Marc too, at first, the realization creeping in slowly over the course of several months) assuming it was the former instead of a mix of the latter two?

Hi!!! Getting through my asks so! Sorry its been so long waiting for a reply anon, I appreciate you coming to talk to me x

You keep coming back so now I wanna give you an emoji hmmm - how about 🐺 cause you're always commenting on my a/b/o and it's fitting 👀👀

Oh I love some medical horror. Don't we all? Loads of angst with it too is *chefs kiss*

Marc and his endless fight trying to be good enough when he's actually already fantastic, the best, borderline perfect *sobs* 🫠

I love the idea that Marc is mourning bits of his omega, that he is so at odds with it. It's very dysphoric in a way, right? Which is so interesting to explore. The whole *gender* of it.

The betrayal of Valentino's body omg yes!!!Gahhhh valentino!! Yes, yes, yes. So like he's definitely devastated that all of this happened, and he wasn't in control . that's awful for him, that he caused such pain without realising it, and it 100% keeps him up at night. I do think there's a small part of him that also hates losing part of his alpha, part of him that sees it as losing control/ power/ status. But Valentino has character growth!!! So he learns to let that go!

Oh god, the idea of valentino wondering if other members of his pack (mainly Bez) have been forced to do something... (they haven't- just marc). As far as I'm aware, alpha voice only works on omegas. Betas are kinda immune, a bit like how they're neutral on scenting, etc. Idk if that's right, but that's how I view it!!

I strongly agree that an alpha you have a bond with/pack alpha would have more power in their alpha voice. I think i spoke about this before because it would make more sense, so yes, disobeying your pack alpha is almost impossible if they use alpha voice// can be very painful!

They were both so in denail when this happened because they didn't want to be that for each other. Marc didn't want to be controlled. Didn't want an alpha. Especially not valentino but then it all goes to shit so quickly and he's like well fuck. Actually, I love(d) Valentino, and he was grounding for me (marc latched onto Vale and kinda treated him as his alpha, etc.

Valentino is just always in denial - because in hus mind Marc is evil and blah blah blah

So there's no way either of them realised that a bond has been formed.

Phewwww, that was lots of thinking and world building. Thank you, Anon ❤️

[dudewheresmynug]

Rook's Hobbies

I've been tagged in so many amazing Rook games that I decided to make one!!

For this, I'm going to tag @rooks-dagger @dancing--lights @trashwithvariety @justanecho94 @herald-divine-hell @razzberrydazz and @zombiefishgirl. No pressure! I would love to learn more about what your Rooks enjoy 🥰

Obviously, the tag is also open to anyone else who would like to try it! Please let me know if you do!

Rules: Post a few of your Rook's hobbies and write an explanation (however long you'd like) describing why they enjoy them. Then, tag some other people to play!

Lydia Thorne

Reading

A lifelong hobby of hers, Lydia enjoys nothing more than getting into a good book. Surprisingly, she mostly engages with historical or magical texts. She's always looking to advance her magic, or learn something new, or understand something that unsettles her. It's uncommon for Lydia to fall into a storybook, but not unheard of. When she does find herself getting engrossed in a story, it's usually the sappiest romance she can find. Or, it's something action-packed and high-stakes. Reading is the only hobby Lydia has that she would hate to have interrupted. Honestly, she'll ignore the culprit at best, and throw something at worst. Her favorite book of all time is The History of the Grey, which, as the title suggests, is about the history of the Grey Wardens. She first read the book when she was a kid, and she ended up stealing it from the Circle library when the tower fell. She keeps it with her even at the lighthouse.

Writing Poetry

Lydia keeps a few secret journals for poetry. This isn't a hobby she tends to share freely; instead, she's a bit embarrassed by it. That being said, she goes to lengths to keep this part of herself hidden. Lydia bought her first journal for her 24th birthday, her first birthday after joining the Order. She initially bought the journal because its design caught her eye, and she put it to good use! She would make bullet point lists about how she was doing, or what she was thinking (much like regular journaling). These eventually turned into lists about her surroundings, or recent events, and how they made her feel, and what they made her think and remember. She would also write about things she wanted to be able to reflect on in the future. From there, she slipped into the habit of writing poetry whenever she needed to process something. It was a great coping mechanism while she dealt with deep depression in the Order. Lydia will also write about her magic use or about her friends. Then, when she starts crushing on Neve, she writes about Neve. A lot. Likeee a lot a lot. And Davrin, a lot, after he dies.

Nature Walks/ Running

Lydia needs to be outdoors a LOT. Years of growing up in the circle made her less than a fan of being in enclosed spaces, especially for long periods. During those 7 years she spent living at home with her parents, after the Circle and before the Order, Lydia could often be found outside. She would hang around the farm, but she also had her little areas around Crestwood, which would be her refuge. She also enjoyed sleeping outside, which she would do as much as possible (as weather and parents allowed). Being in the Fade is...weird? It looks outsideish enough for Lydia to feel comfortable, but she still prefers not to sleep in her own room. She spends a LOT of time in Harding's room, actually. Davrin's "touching grass" trips are super helpful for her. In that same vein, Lydia really enjoys running. She's fast and has great stamina. She loves the rush she gets during and after a good run and loves the feeling of fresh air filling her lungs. She'd definitely be the type to sign up for multiple marathons a year. Lydia has definitely also challenged some (all) of her friends to races. Neve smokes her every damn time (seriously have you ever panned the camera up while running around with Neve in game? She's fast as fuck).

Baking Bread

This is a lesser-known hobby of Lydia's because she doesn't get to do it very often. Her father grew up working for his family's bakery (more of a flour mill that also baked and sold bread), so he's an expert at baking bread. Her mother has the skill, too. Baking bread was one of the ways Lydia's parents bonded with her when she came home from the Circle. It was a calm task with enough personal care put into it that Lydia could handle it without becoming overwhelmed. Lydia doesn't talk about this hobby because it reminds her of her parents, and she doesn't like to think about them. Baking bread becomes a happier hobby once she finally reunites with them. By extension, Lydia also enjoys cooking. Nothing is better than a hot and hearty dish, though she can slap a suitable meal together with whatever's lying around. She doesn't get much kitchen time, though, because Lucanis tends to cook nearly every day.

A Nice Game of (Drunk) Darts

Another one of Lydia's lesser-known hobbies, Lydia enjoys a nice competitive game of darts. As the section title suggests, it's even more fun for Lydia if she's had a few drinks. Lydia started playing darts during her time in the Order -- it was one of the games she and the other recruits would play to bond. Lydia is an alright shot on the regular. Drunk Lydia is either phenomenal or horrible, depending on the night. She's been known to throw the darts too hard or insist on getting an extra turn if she misses. She has also, on several occasions, gotten worked up enough over being heckled by other players that her magic has sparked. Unfortunately, my girl is competitive as all hell. She'll create extra challenges or rewards/punishments to make the game more interesting. She's not always a sore loser, but she can be! When she is, she's getting into shouting matches, or talking shit, or storming off in a huff. Still, she claims that the game relaxes her! Losing her favorite elemental orb in a match once has also taught her not to gamble.

Thank you for reading this (not so short) post! Can't wait to see what your Rooks enjoy <3

[captain039]

Part 6 The lords servant

Astarion x reader

Warnings: plus size reader, light swearing, vampire things, sexual, first times, eventual smut, harassment, sexual harassment, angst, past abuse, past trauma

Previous part <-

You had decided to stay, though things were different now, he didn’t make you clean, cook or check over things in the house. You were more of a guest now than servant, he gave you your own room despite your words of not needing it. He insisted greatly, saying you could decorate as you pleased. He wished to go with you to the shops so he could show you the best places for silks and blankets, clothes and perfumes. It saddened you, he had this glint in his eye of wanting to explore this new bond you shared to its fullest, only to be stopped by the sun. You didn’t go shopping, you kept your clothes simple with the ones you had packed, though it made him huff saying he wished to lavish you in wonderful things. You would just shake your head and say you were happy with what you had, he would pout like a child and it would make you laugh though. Honestly you were scared to buy new clothes, you’d have to be sized and measured, you didn’t want the scrutiny of some seamstress judging your body, you also felt wrong for such beautiful things to be waisted on your body, but the lord didn’t need to know that.

You were rather lost in thought, thinking back to your family when you felt arms around your waist and a head bury in your neck. Had you not recognised the soft curls and smell of your lord, you would’ve slapped them. You simply smiled as he pressed light kisses to your neck humming gently.

“What’s my little pup thinking about so deeply?” He asked and you shrugged lightly.

“Just home, well, where I grew up” you muttered frowning lightly. You were still off with the whole touching thing, you stepped out of his hold turning to look at him instead making him frown lightly.

“Tell me about it?” He asked head tilted slightly in question.

“It’s really boring and depressing” you chuckled but the laughter didn’t reach your eyes.

“Nothing about you is boring my dear, please, I’m all pointy ears” he grinned lightly and sat making you huff with a smile.

“My mother was named witch of the town, my father was in trades, he wasn’t home often. My mother was good with potions and alchemy, not really any magic in her unless she tried hard enough. She was, well she was odd to caught up in her old books to really see what was happening around her” you sighed.

“Too busy to see what was happening to me” you added quietly as the lord kept his attention on you fully.

“Like I said I’d get bullied a lot and beaten, she’d never notice, I’d try to tell her and she’d mumble something about a potion or herb before going back into her room, when i tried to tell my father he’d either pretend to be too busy or just ignored me, it was really just me growing up, and the donkey we had” you chuckled at the last part remembering.

“His name was Al, short for Albert, I loved him so much, id talk to him, sounded like a mad child now” you shook your head with a smile.

“He was too dumb though, didn’t know what was what and died out in the woods from a bear” you grimaced at the memory of finding him.

“I knew i had locked the gate that night, somebody opened it” you huffed.

“Bastards” the lord said frowning.

“I found him torn to shreds, horrible sight for a youngen” you shuddered.

“My parents didn’t care obviously, just told me to go work the barn, there was nothing in the barn to work with though so I just read books” you shrugged looking to him.

“Hopefully your parents were better than mine, I mean they did raise you” you smiled before it faded. His eyes went blank, his lips drawn into a thin line.

“I’m sorry-“ you stuttered as he stood, you began to panic as he simply left making you sigh. Even a hint about asking about his past he’d shut down and leave, maybe it wasn’t the right time, but he was a mystery to you, you knew nothing about him and he knew your life story.

You wandered around the mansion, exploring the rooms you could go in, wandering the library before finding a book and settling down. When dinner came you headed to the kitchen, smelling some delicious stew. You got looks from the servants now though, you grabbed some food and left back to your room passing the lords on the way. You froze though seeing one of the servants against the wall, his head in their neck. He was feeding, just with less activity now, but their moaning and fingers in his curls made your stomach churn with jealousy before you stormed back to your room. Of course he had to fed how stupid could you be. You packed your room if possible there would be an angry dark cloud above your head. Gods you felt so stupid, caught up in this new love. You groaned in frustration wanting to throw something breakable before you heard knocking. You took a quiet breath before opening the door seeing the lord there, not a drop of blood on his face.

“Evening my dear” he said and you wanted to scoff.

“I wish to be left alone” you said as nice as you could with a smile and he frowned.

“Are you not feeling well?” He asked and you felt like slapping him.

“Yes, just a bit feverish, I’m going to bed early, goodnight my lord” you said curtly and gave a small bow before closing the door. You clenched your jaw and fisted your hands before sitting by your desk.

Astarion stood confused outside your door, you didn’t look feverish to him. His mouth was bitter with the servants blood, he simply needed to feed, nothing more, however the servant had other plans moaning against him. It made him growl in annoyance, but they only took it as a spur and continued. He couldn’t handle it so he forced them away seeing the confusion. You had pressed about his past again, you told him about your past and he kept his hidden in the shadows where it belonged, the invisible collar around his neck tugging in reminder. He wouldn’t bring you into that, wouldn’t let his past consume you like it has everything else, not when you were this light in his life. When he first spotted you he’d never seen something so divine and swore on getting a taste, however that proved difficult. His usual charms and flattery didn’t work on you, you had high walls and something held you back. Gods know he saw red when those bastards touched you, saw the fear in your eyes, he almost slit their throats and drank them dry there and then had you not been there. He meant what he said when he would kill them, but your too kind heart didn’t see it fit. When you entered his room after days of him not feeding and being in his bed he hurt you. He felt nothing but hunger as the sweetness of your blood flowed into his body for the first time. It made him shudder till he realised what he had done. He’d been so close to having you, after his brood he swore he was going to have you, but you came in, checking on him like a wounded animal. Where the hell was Daenan? He’d tear into him later, right then, he was chasing you through Baldurs gate and into an alleyway, your blood tingling on his tongue. He’d taken too much and your burst of escape caused you to pass out against him. He hated being out in the city, it was too exposed, too many eyes in the shadows. He hastily got home with you in his arms, his guards giving him odd looks before he sneered at them. Your unconscious form made his heart stir for the first time in 200 years, you looked at peace, not like the gut wrenching fear from before. He stayed by your bed, held your hand made sure you were comfortable before you finally awoke. He had gone back to check on you only to find you weren’t there and his panic settling in. He saw the balcony doors open though and sighed seeing your form lit in the moonlight. Gods what a sight, you almost glistened in light, the wind gently blowing through your hair and white robe, you looked like a goddess. When you kissed him he felt like his heart leapt out his chest, your desperateness and needy noises made him crave you, though this was probably the first time you’d ever initiated a kiss from someone. Seeing you smile and giggle softly made him swoon like a young vampire again, hearing you say you’d stay made his heart leap. He’d been too excited he knows that now, giving you your own room, wanting to buy you dresses, silk sheets and blankets, perfumes, anything good gold could buy. It made you uncomfortable, he saw the way you’d look to the ground and gently shake your head with a small thank you. You weren’t from this life, a simple village girl with no one, but herself, he craved you though, craved your touch, craved your lips, your blood. He fed more regularly, trying to rid of the cravings he felt, but it never worked. He felt how you’d shy away from his touch and keep a safe distance should you need to run. He’d broken trust and he was trying to hard to get it back, for the first time in 200 years he didn’t know what he was doing, he didn’t know how to win your affections, it seemed so simple when doing it for ‘him’.

Next part ->

Taglist:

@worryknotdear

@curlycarley

@sleepy-time-dreamy

@violet-19999

@hexqueensupreme

@brainz00

@perseny

@queenofangrymoths

@aeryntheofficial

@scarlettwitcher

@pixiedust727

@mheerdraws

@innergardentoadpony

@vivian318

@turmoil-ash

@queenies1x1

[toyybox]

Spiderwebs #52: Anodyne

Masterlist

content: referenced gore

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

It was the worst pain he had ever felt. His insides seared like they were cooking, long after the skin healed, long after all the blood on the closet floor dried and went black-brown. The side of his face was on fire. The bitter sting of salt and copper cauterized his tongue, the roof of his mouth, the back of his throat. Jackie had never considered himself claustrophobic, but the closet was like a packing crate, narrow and pitch-black. After starting awake, he could not shut up. Though he longed to fall back asleep, just to escape the agony, he could only sob uncontrollably and bang his head against the door.

He hadn't been talking back or trying to run or even ignoring her. Heather had wanted to do it. He could hear it in her voice. He’d done nothing wrong. If he could crawl out of his skin like a cicada, if he could shed his body—he would die a thousand times over for that chance. He would die in her arms, a thousand times over. Waste every life, each dying breath on her lips. She had pinned him in place, so close to her. He had stopped thrashing, eventually, and she kept—he could feel it, everything she did, a kind of filth that festered and kept in place, regardless of how much he begged and screamed. He didn’t understand why. It wasn’t his fault. It just hurt so much, he couldn’t think straight. He could still smell the wine, the fermented cherry, the sweet smell of rot.

He felt nauseous. But he couldn’t make a mess in her closet, or this agony would come back seven times worse. He couldn’t focus his thoughts on anything. It was too much. He could not think beyond it, his skin, the warmth of her hands inside him, the feeling of her knife, the pressure in his mouth. He hated her. He would make her regret this. 

Such sweet fantasies. Another sob racked his body. He was alone, alone, again, all alone, locked in the closet, in the darkness again. The pain would fade. The pain had started to fade, a little. But his hunger was just beginning to return, and it was so dark, and he couldn’t move at all. 

Eventually, he started to feel tired, and his sobs came in starts and stops. He would fall silent, only to remember the way she’d held him down, and he would begin again. Jackie only went completely quiet when the door opened.

He forced himself to concentrate on her expression, preparing for what came next. Heather was confused, oddly enough. 

“Why are you crying?” she asked. “Why are you in my closet? And why is there blood everywhere? I just cleaned, too…”

She didn’t remember anything. Too much wine, he figured. She might let me out. I need to get out of this closet. I need to be perfect. “You locked me in here. Last night.”

“And you complied? Why didn’t you stop me?”

He sniffed. The tears still rolled down his face. “You had a knife. And I’m supposed to do whatever you say, right? I wasn’t supposed to ask questions.”

“I was drunk, Jackie. That’s obviously an exception. You shouldn't have agreed to it.”

“Then why did you punish me for disagreeing with you?” I need to shut up, he thought. But that was like asking a dog to remove its teeth. “You tried to bludgeon me with a fucking pipe!” 

“Did you think I was being serious? I was proving a point. I didn’t actually hit you.”

He was shaking now. “You killed Callaghan! For no reason! He was your professor!”

And Jackie burst into tears again with his head buried in his arms. He didn’t care. He didn’t care anymore. He couldn’t go on like this. 

“I couldn’t let Callaghan get involved. That was his own fault.” But her voice was duller and quieter as she spoke.

Jackie was barely hearing her. Those words were nothing but noise. He was inconsolable, crying so hard it was making him dizzy. Curled in on himself, as if that would protect him.

“Jackie?” Heather said his name, not with spite, but with startled hesitation. He could not reply for the life of him, so she called his name again. “Jackie? Don’t cry. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

Why did she bother? She didn’t care about him. He wasn’t paying attention at all, anymore.

This went on for a while, before Heather approached him. “Come on, Jack. Stop that.” His stare darted up, and he could see her hand lifted soothingly. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“No. No! Get away from me!” He scrambled farther back into the closet. “Stop! Don’t. Stop. Please. Please, don’t—don’t touch me. Please.”

“Hey. Shh.” Her tone was, all of a sudden, calming. “Don’t worry. I don’t have a knife. See?” She held up both her hands in a placating gesture. “I don’t want to hurt you. I didn’t even mean to stab you. I’m sure it was a misunderstanding. But you need to get out of my closet, and I don’t think you’re in any state to walk on your own.”

There was nowhere left to back away, nowhere left to run. He was cornered and completely at her mercy. “Why did you lock me in here? I did everything right! I was behaving! I did everything you t—told me, you weren't—you weren't listening, you wouldn't s—stop, you kept—"

She knelt down before him. “It's okay. It's fine.” She wiped his cheeks with a steady gesture. “You are behaving.” Then she put her hands on his shoulders. “You are behaving, Jackie. I still love you. I’m sorry I did that. It was the wine, alright? I didn’t mean it.”

He shuddered and choked down his tears. Now he was just hyperventilating. 

When Heather wrapped her arms around him, he leaned into the touch, and when she lifted him up, he said nothing in complaint.

“There you go.” They stood like that. Heather propping him up, and Jackie leaning on her to stay upright. “That’s good. Come on, you'll be fine.”

He stared at the bloodstained rug and said nothing. What was the time? Evening? Afternoon? The window was open, but he couldn’t focus on anything. Dark clouds gathered outside. He thought he could see rain. From inside the closet, time lost its presence. It was too scattered to parse. But it had to be late in the day, if she wasn’t sick from the alcohol anymore. 

They were now beside the bed. She helped him sit down on the clean new sheets.

“You’re alright. You’re safe.” She sat next to him, brushing her hand through his hair. “I’m here. You’re mine, Jackie. You’ll always be.”

Perhaps that concept was meant to be comforting. Perhaps it was comforting, in a way. He could stop fighting it. His heart appeared to buzz, not beat, like the heart of a small animal caught in a fist, twisting and wearing itself out until it went still. 

“Your shirt is torn,” she said.

He coughed. After everything, his throat was in a bad state.

“It’s okay,” she murmured. "It's fine. I'll get you a new one. Go to sleep.”

He obeyed the order and put his head on the pillow. His breathing slowed. The citrus scent of her skin. The soft silk of her hair, falling over her face. Her freckles in his peripheral. He would never forget these things. Even if he outlived her by a thousand lifetimes. Even if he outlived everyone. In that way, she was immortalized. Kept alive by memory, bound by his dreams.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Taglist:

@theelvishcowgirl @lthrboy @whumpy-wyrms @yassifiedinformation @creppersfunpalooza

@vidawhump @dont-look-me-in-the-eye @inkwell-and-dagger @neverthelass

[a-cat-in-toffee]

KICKS DOWN UR FUCKING DOOR HI IM HERE TO TALK ABOUT RAND WITH PLAMNTS. i cannottt think abt it in terms of the canon ending where rolan and kian r both dead. i genuinely think rand would not be able 2 take care of shit ever after that!!! but in the beautiful version of bitb in my mind where they all survive i like 2 think rand would maybe like. get another weed plant once they move to chicago or la or wherever they r planning to settle down after all that but i think it would die like. very quick. he's fucked up man he would not be focused on weed for once in his life he would be losing his fucking mind over the Everything!!!! i think him accidentally killing the new weed plant would crush him and he would b inconsolable for. a while. he thinks he cant take care of anything and everything he touches gets fucked up and hes a walking timebomb!!!!! torment nexus!!

EVENTUALLY i think maybe like rolan or kian would get like a small plant to put in a windowsill just for some kind of decoration (like somethin easy 2 take care of like a succulent) and they both kinda forget about it or maybe kian overwaters the shit out of it and rand is suddenly like. overwhelmed with this feeling of I Have To Make Sure This Thing Doesn't Die. hje can't even explain it he just. does not want this silly thing dead. he goes 2 the library and checks out a book on plants while kian and rolan are at work and he learns how to take care of succulents (not because he cares obviously!!! not at all!!!) and he tells kian he's watering it too much (ofc he doesn't care though he's just telling kian something that was obvious duh he didn't. put any time or effort into this. of course. don't look at the book under his bed that doesn't matter) and he starts taking care of it himself and maybe a leaf breaks off and he puts it in another small pot and it starts growing and he gets so fucking invested in these got damn succulents and OBVIOUSLY HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THEM. ROLAN. SHUT UP. YOU GUYS JUST SUCK AT NOT KILLING PLANTS OKAY. SOMEONE NEEDS TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T KILL IT

this is getting so long i'm basically writing a fanfiction in ur inbox i am so sorry but i think they would move out of kian or rolan's apartment wherever it is they r living and get an actual house and there is. SO MUCH ROOM in the backyard!!! small house bc theres only three of them and it's a huge yard for them but it's good for barc and there's like a couple plants from the last owners in the otherwise empty garden like a rosebush and a raspberry bush and rand is like. well they came with the house we can't let THESE plants die. obviously. so he starts researching how to care for them and he's rly fucking good at it and they end up with a rly good raspberry haul that summer and kian is like dude what if we got like strawberry plants or something?? rolan ur mom had a bitchin strawberry shortcake recipe what if we had our own strawberries 2 make it with???? and rand is like okay i'll look for strawberries for next year i guess whatever man. but he's secretly rly excited about it and starts looking up more shit he can plant next year

summer passes and he's kinda sad that the bushes are dead for the season and he hyperfocuses on his few succulents and kian and rolan are like. god we have 2 get him Something or he's gonna go nuts. he needs something else to keep him occupied while we're at work. so they get him like a little potted fern and he's like. ok well first of all this pot is too small its roots are probably all fucked up i'm repotting this damn thang and he's insistent that they go to the nearest store that sells flowerpots and they're like. waow. they have not seen rand this excited (invested??? focused???) abt something since they started their dnd campaign in high school. they r following behind him while he's like looking at flowerpots and rolan is being his pack mule as rand piles bags of planting dirt and stuff in his arms (kian is not carrying dirt he's not getting his jacket dirty thank u. he will carry a single small garden trowel!!! he is helping <3) and rand replants the fern into a huge pot in the middle of their living room (they roll up the carpet so he doesn't get dirt all over it) and they put the fern in the corner of the room and it's too small for the pot right now but rand says it'll grow and he takes such good care of it and eventually rolan and kian r like. looking at plants in the store and they're like. we gotta get him some more right. he's gonna wanna rescue them from their too small pots. so they buy an armful and some pots and some ceiling hanger planters and stuff and they bring it all home and he has a fucking field day just putting stuff in planters and it's the most fun he's had like. since they played dnd in high school

when spring rolls around again he replants some stuff outside and they take him shopping for vegetable and fruit seeds and stuff and he's past the pretending not to care about it stage bc the other two smile when he infodumps about plant shit and he's not sure why they like hearing it but whatever man!!! if it makes them happy for him to be playing in the dirt whatever!!! he plants so much shit in the backyard and they end up being the people who grow cucumbers and end up with so many they have to give them away to their neighbors and coworkers bc those thangs grow like crazy!! they even start eating better instead of eating quick meals and getting takeout all the time bc now they have like. potatoes and carrots and onions and all that shit and rolan enjoys cooking and gets to fuck around with the fresh stuff from their garden!!! and it's awesome!!! and rand is rly fucking happy for god damn once!!!

a couple years down the line rand doesn't have a job but he has their garden in the spring/summer and he brings produce to their neighbors and he's growing flowers too and sometimes he clips roses from the bush and picks some of his flowers to make bouquets when there's a special occasion and he once gave one of their neighbors a small bunch of roses to use to propose to their gf and now sometimes people around their neighborhood will come to him for flowers for dates and other things and the moms in the neighborhood ask him how to start their own gardens and he's like. happy???? and he doesn't feel like a waste of space who will die before he's forty??? and he feels like. Not Bad??? he's not making money from this and he wouldn't want to make this a living but he feels like. good??? and it kinda hits him when he's like outside planting potatoes with barc that like. he's glad he's alive. he doesn't want to die before he's forty he wants to take care of his plants and talk about gardening with rolan and kian and eat delicious food from their garden. and he definitely doesn't cry a little while holding a potato in his hands in the dirt not a single tear not at all don't even look at him he's fine guys trust him

i am so sorry about putting a novel in ur inbox randy. i think abiout timothy rand a lot

hey whiskey im going to actually break down sobbing. i stopped playing stardew to read this. this is fucking gorrgeous oh my god everyone come read this im going to?????? sob???????????? please NEVER apologize for putting a novel in my inbox THIS IS SO AUASUAGGHHGGGG....... I CAN BE TRUSTED TO BE NORMAL ABOUT TIMOTHY RAND AND SO CAN YOU NODDING EVERYONE COME FUCKING READ THIS OH MY GOD