#it's 1am though so i'm scheduling this for like... noon

[hedonicghost]

protect your light

[fiona-fififi]

...

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Lord. Today has been such a day. I hope it's ok to just rant about it here, if not obviously feel free to delete!!

Got woken up at 1am because my mom needed to go to the ER for excruciating pain. So we load up and I take her. It takes an HOUR for them to even pay her any mind- and it's not because it was busy. We live in a small town, and there was literally nobody there waiting to be seen. We think they were ignoring her because she looked like she was having drug withdrawals (shaking, pale, she couldn't stop moving/fidgeting). They only came out to see her when I brought my little brother in, and they realized that she wasn't just there to try and get meds from the hospital (this is all speculation ofc, but I really can't imagine any other reason that 'nobody saw her'). I'm still so mad because she sat there for so long, crying in pain (my mom NEVER cries, so that's how I could tell it was really bad) and nobody even bothered to check on her for over an hour. It took another hour for her to get any pain relief and while the nurses were all really nice, I'm still incredibly upset that she had to endure it for so long.

Anyways. Mom's going to be fine, she's getting flown to a better hospital a couple hours away to get the problem dealt with. That's all good. I'm staying home with my brother, and my aunt is going to pick her up later today (hopefully; it might take a few more days). The only issue is that I'll need to meet with my little brothers father (not my dad) to drop him off for the weekend, and I hate the guy, but I can easily ignore him so it's fine.

I think it's the stress of coordinating 4 different people's schedules that put me so on edge (my aunt needs to know when my mom is leaving, my sister is coming 1400 miles to Nevada from Texas, my little brother needs to do his homework/get ready to go/be dropped off). Family keeps calling me because I'm the one who lives with my mom, but I don't have any updates, because I'm home looking after my brother. I feel terrible that I can't tell them anything else, but it's still frustrating when I'm trying to get the house cleaned up, take care of a worried 7-year-old, and answer calls just to repeat the same thing.

The final straw though was one of my cats. When my brother and I finally got home around 8am, we were having breakfast. I look over, and my cat is peeing on my moms lunchbox. I freaked out, because that's disgusting, and he had NO reason to do that- their box is perfectly clean, he's not a serial pee monster, he's never been in competition with the other cats. I don't understand why today, of all days, he would choose to make a mess.

I've spent the past hour and a half trying to clean it by hand because I can't just throw it in the washing machine (it has a cloth outside, but its not removable). He ALSO managed to pee on my brother's homework tower (a short, plastic 'filing cabinet' with drawers we keep his stuff in), and of course, it got inside some of the drawers. Luckily the only stuff I had to throw away was some construction paper and white printer paper, and the rest was untouched, but I still had to clean up a MASSIVE puddle of cat pee on the floor, and empty + wipe out four of the drawers.

So. Anyways. I'm not feeling solution-oriented right now, I'm just really angry that this is all happening at once and there's not really anything within my control besides making sure my brother keeps to his schedule. At least he's not too worried, but I've kind of been avoiding talking to him at the moment because I feel like I might snap at him when it's not his fault at all. I'm also avoiding the cat because, while I would never hurt an animal for doing something dumb, I'm still so mad about it. I'd much rather he'd have peed on something of mine.

Now I just feel super on edge, and I keep waiting for ANOTHER bad thing to happen, because at this point it just feels like the universe is out for blood. It's not even noon yet. It's barely 10am

I'm so sorry about all of this. Anti addict ableism is completely unacceptable and literally kills people. It's not like an addict can't ALSO be in excruciating pain/genuinely need urgent care. I'm glad your mom will be okay, but it makes me furious that she was neglected for hours because of prejudices against a potential addiction. And I completely understand that you're not in a good place right now. I'm sorry about the pee situation also, though it's important for me to note that the cat didn't CHOOSE to "make a mess" just to bother you - either he was a bit ill or it was simply an unfortunate accident.

[dollsonmain]

I've forgotten how to sleep and startled myself when I looked in the mirror on my way to bed last night. The eye wells in my skull were very, very visible. Slightly less bad this morning.

So sleep hasn't happened due to both anxiety/stress and the AC having been broken for a while. AC was out for about a week and once it was fixed, I was too stressed about the absences thing at school to sleep the first night, and then too stressed last night because Son broke his school laptop yesterday and we have to tell That Guy today, AND That Guy had gone out partying with friends after work which means he drives home like that in the middle of the night and I always worry he's not going to make it. I can't sleep until I hear the garage door open. If he crashes, with the way he has our finances set up, Son and I are effectively homeless immediately. Part of why I am trying to work. Him not coming home until 1am also prolonged the anticipatory anxiety of having to wait to tell him the problem and get over the aftermath.

And then I woke up at 3am like always and couldn't get back to sleep.

Anyway.

Work stuff ish again

I will not complain about being expected to work 6 hours a day because that's less than a "normal" job anyway, but really at that point I'd rather work a full 8 and get benefits.

I very much think it should be illegal to schedule people juuuuuust under the cut off for benefits to be required by labor law. You should have to either schedule people 40 hours or 20 hours, no in between, IMO. Scheduling someone exactly 20 hours gives them plenty of time to go work SOMEWHERE ELSE for the other 20 hours without having to worry about being scheduled to work 60+ hours a week because both employers are cheapskates that will work you 30 hours.

I also need to completely change my daily routines AGAIN to get to work on time.

My current-new routine is:

wake up at 3:30 and get my morning coffee

sit around and wait for That Guy to leave for work which is usually 4-4:30

Son gets up and we have the morning together

Son leaves for school at 6:50

I don't get hungry until somewhere between 7 and 9 and will have breakfast then

depending on how exhausted I am I will or will not do chores between 5 and 10

leave to walk to work at 10:20

get to work at 10:40/10:45

work 11-3

That Guy picks me up on his way home from work, though I did have to walk home yesterday

do chores

dinner between 4-5 or so

vegetable time

Now, I'm going to have to skip my morning coffee because it makes me poop and I don't want to be pooping while I'm also the only cashier at work.

So it's going to be like....

wake up around 3 and shower OR shower in the evenings and deal with being gross from night-sweats at work so wake up at 3:30, I do prefer to show up to work nice and clean but it is a gas station...

force feed myself some sort of solid food while waiting for That Guy to leave for work around 4-4:30

make sure the boy gets up no later than 5

leave to walk to work at 5:20

get to work at 5:40-5:45

work 6-whenever (she hasn't decided when????)

leave work to walk to home whenever that happens to be and I'd rather it WASN'T noon because it's going to be stupid hot, then, but stop on the store's "porch" to put on sunscreen real fast... which means I need an opaque travel size bottle for sunscreen, and eat something so I don't pass out on the way home (yesterday I took a small bread roll and some jerky and ate that and drank a second V8 Energy while walking)

get home around 1 if I left at noon because the walk home is slower than the walk to work

eat a real lunch? finally have my poopin coffee?

chores

Son and That Guy get home at 3

profit???

I'm going to have to prep and take multiple sugar drinks so my blood sugar doesn't bottom out while at work. Right now I've been taking one bottle of water with a Real Lemon lemonade drink stick mixed in and I forget to drink it but it's there so I can slam it before leaving. I'll need to also take a meal replacement shake got sugar, salt, and other nutrients, I think, and an extra water.

Manager keeps trying to get me to buy something at work before my shift starts and I'm like no thanks those are MY monies, now, you're not getting them back on your overpriced bottled water.

Today I need to do laundry, deal with the fallout of telling That Guy that Son broke his school laptop, go to Kohl's and see if I can find some New Balance cross trainers to wear to work since I will be doing walking, standing, and lifting and I think cross-trainers would be the best option AND already know NB is the brand they primarily carry, need to find a hi-vis vest or couple of belts because I'll be walking to work in the dark, and That Guy said he'd take me to dinner today for leaving me to have to walk home from work Yesterday but what does that matter? That's going to be every day from now on.

A few more paychecks and I'll look for a scooter again. Or something. Still kind of like the idea of getting a cargo trike, ngl. Would be harder to steal than a bike anyway.

I don't know what I'm going to do in the winter.

-

Running a salary and income tax calculator and factoring in about $3k in short-term hobby income, even putting that no tax is withheld, it looks like I'd expect a tax return of $3k? Because there's about $3k in tax credits??? Whatever. I'll figure it out when it's closer to the right time.

[bluealexa]

I am admittedly a weird person sometimes, but a big struggle I have with being responsible for my own time is how often sleepy me calls BS on my plans.

By responsible for my own time, the stretch of time I was on leave for work injury and right now being long term unemployed with a self employment gig that goes long stretches with not a damn thing.

I tend towards insomnia. Most of the gigs I can do are as late as 1am my time. I struggle to sleep, I make plans to exercise before noon though to keep my sleep schedule from rotating - sleep brain calls BULLSHIT and refuses to get up, refuses to cooperate.

Part of this is that I can put effort into my gig work and still get nothing out of it. There's rng involved, so to speak, in teaching English online. Like right now my favorite student is busy with work this month. There's nothing I can do about that.

I know I can get more students if I put more effort into preparing more lesson plans and make posts (on the site I teach on) about having a variety of lessons on X Y and also Z ready to go. But sleepy me calls BULLSHIT and trying to get time carved out to focus on lesson plans goes poorly because I didn't exercise, so I ache sitting, can't exercise later because it fucks up sleep more, can't sleep well enough didn't exercise and stretch enough, it's just neverending crap

I'm trying to use a weird way out of it though. My best ever sleep sched (heart rate and everything) per my Fitbit was the week Tears of the Kingdom came out. With my hand injury, I took off work the week before, did the house work and exercised carefully with intent. On release day, I had timers going for stretches and breaks, etc -

Because sleepy me could comprehend how oversleeping was bad. Because sleepy me knew I needed to get going and go ahead and do stretches while cooking breakfast.

I'm not as excited for this Talos Principle 2 dlc as I was for Tears of the Kingdom, but this dlc drops tomorrow and I'm trying to convince sleepy me that what I need to do is get up, exercise, play puzzle game for an hour, go work on lesson plans, go back to puzzle game. I think it might work, crossing fingers here. The puzzles look super hard and I may be able to carrot and stick myself with "write the whole lesson plan before you ask anyone for help with this puzzle".

[sakuatsu]

Started to caught up with haikyuu just now, fell RIDICULOUS HARD for sakuatsu and now my readings only vary from school essays to everything on your fic rec list,, I'm actually sad abt finishing it even if I just started LOL ur taste is just 😙👌 so yeah congrats on having the best tumblr blog ever (as elected by me, falling harder into my sakuatsu obsession). Kinda would like to ask if there's any must see/read fics/art u would recommend for a newbie like me! I trust ur judgment too much lmao.

anon i hope you know how ridiculously happy it made me to know that you trust my taste ;__; i will add some more just for you. you are too sweet. it’s incredibly easy to make me do things if you are nice to me OTL 

i’m going to put this under a cut because…this is going to get long. i have many sakuatsu thoughts, unfortunately. get them out of my brain please

sakuatsu fic, author, artist, art recs ^-^ this is by no means an absolute masterlist, i drafted this at 1am and scheduled it for like 10am and this is completely determined by my personal preference because i am just a human with a lot of enthusiasm for my interests. also this will be sfw 

casual plug, i’m helping run a sakuatsu zine @sayforinstancezine​ 💫 i’m really excited about this project and this creative team :’) if you want more sakuatsu content, please consider supporting us! our contributor list will be coming out soon ✨ we’ll be featuring sakuatsu art and writing!  

extra fic recs

check out my original fic rec list and the first couple pages of the sakuatsu tag sorted by kudos first though. this isn’t too long because i haven’t been reading fic as much recently due to Life (but i can run through what’s in my tabs atm if anyone is interested?) these are sort of off the top of my head/bookmarks

cyclostationary by catalysis (3.2k, T) 

So, Atsumu’s wrong. Winters in Osaka are much colder than winters in Hyogo ever were.

between the cracks, where you belong by awkwardedgeworth (1.9k, T)

On court, Miya Atsumu doesn't belong to him. As setter, he is owned by anyone and everyone. He belongs to Foster, their dietitian, the PR team, Hinata, the blockers, the spikers and also to Sakusa.

When Sakusa jolts awake from the train ride, he sees rice paddies faraway and remembers that Atsumu also used to belong to someone else entirely.

Sakusa watches Atsumu from Kita's engawa, nibbling on a watermelon while the two former captains of Inarizaki are plucking Kita's singular plum tree, the branches heavy and drooping.

post olympics, sakusa reflects on atsumu as they visit their families.

my universe in all its glory by wheelspokes (2.8k, T)

At sixteen, Kiyoomi devotes himself to routine by drafting his life plan and forgets to account for Miya Atsumu ruining every prediction he's ever had.

one life, one encounter by bastigod (5.7k, G) 

It is a sin to tell a lie to your fellow man, but it is a greater sin to lie to yourself.

a tender perennial by astroeulogy (note: this was originally written/published pre-sakukomo cousins reveal, but it has been rewritten in iizuna pov. i will link to the rewrite in chapter 2) 

But the truth—the harshest and simplest truth, the truth Hanahaki taught him first and foremost—is that the world isn’t kind or unkind. It simply is. And to thrive, all anyone can do is grow around it.

author recs

these writers all have fairly sizeable sakuatsu tags in their works and i highly recommend just about everything they write (this isn’t in any particular order but i hope you have fun) 

astroeulogy, awkwardedgeworth, hhatsuna, bastigod, wheelspokes, DeathBelle, wordstruck, pseudoanalytics, volchitsae

artist recs

i did a sakuatsu tumblr artists + twitter artists in another ask so i’ll just link to that because i am tired

throttlee, who asked the question, is also a phenomenal artist, so please check them out and support their beautiful work !!!

art recs 

a good chunk are in my tumblr #fave tag, but i’ll pull some highlights out

“abcs with sakuatsu”: https://adooboo.tumblr.com/post/632833079364452352/

“but i’m not done yet falling for your fool’s gold”: https://hawberries.tumblr.com/post/632369842730811392

“frowning at each other”: https://throttlee.tumblr.com/post/630719483291615232

“a day off they spent together.” https://milubee.tumblr.com/post/630613629334601728/

“assholes to lovers”: https://hawberries.tumblr.com/post/630146267124776960 

“late noon”: https://zoabab.tumblr.com/post/624770344658567168/

volleyball monthly: https://newttxt.tumblr.com/post/623637969607213056/

evening street: https://bentomi.tumblr.com/post/615373666990063616

“sakusa: sorry miya if this looks gay to the viewers”: https://newttxt.tumblr.com/post/626209583467216896/

here’s some from my recent twitter bookmarks

msby alternate uniforms: https://twitter.com/dalla_nebbia/status/1325822957709651968?s=20

sakuatsu domestic cleaning: https://twitter.com/chanchaonanu/status/1306279458412748806?s=20

fake sakuatsu haikyuu manga cover: https://twitter.com/anta_baka00/status/1324412655629602816?s=20

sakusa and a dog (not sakuatsu but it’s excellent): https://twitter.com/saJohnnyApple/status/1323671844164001792?s=20

major character death sakuatsu comic (cw vehicular accidents + drowning): https://twitter.com/anta_baka00/status/1322795172636209152?s=20

a fun little animation from the light novel cover: https://twitter.com/OM1KUN/status/1321293528765530112?s=20

“intimacy”: https://twitter.com/creamryn/status/1318972385828233217?s=20

mermaid sakuatsu: https://twitter.com/Bi_sidka/status/1318164389069877248?s=20

“your lips, my lips, apocalypse”: https://twitter.com/anta_baka00/status/1309483293713166338?s=20

atsumu blep: https://twitter.com/_impepper/status/1302550681320976385?s=20  

hope you found that helpful !! thanks for trusting me with your introduction to this disaster duo  

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

I have a question. Honestly this is an open question anyone can say anything about their opinion on this.

The question is 'Does talking about what we feel considered as complaining? Or whining?'

For example I told my parents that I'm tired and my parents (dad specifically) said that I should stop whining Because that's how it is. Same goes to my friend, I told her that I'm tired and feet hurts (I work late last night, literally went home around 1am and went to sleep at 3 then woke up at 7am Because I have morning shift) but then she said "I was just like you in my 1st week and you don't see me complaining"

The problem is I haven't had any day off like her and her job was to work from 9am until 6pm, she basically can get plenty of rest at night while I had to work from 6pm until 12midnight had to stay up late to wait for my clothes (I washed it) and even though I came to work on the evening I can't sleep until noon Because I have to take care of my lil sis so basically my sleep schedule is A HUGE MESS.

At this point I was thinking of just staying quiet. I feel like adulting is basically telling yourself that no one will hear and care about you, they won't give a single fuck. Idk tbh. My feet is hurting so much i think I sprained it or something and my back hurts, I haven't had a day off since last week. And I'm tired.

Sorry for dumping but at this point I just don't know who tell this anymore. I just need to know if it's considered as complaining/whining cuz if it is...then I'll just shut up and suck it up.

-Tendou anon

Oh my GAWD 😫 ok so this isn't directed at you at all but seriously I HATE HATE HATE H A T E it when people say "sToP cOmPlAiNiNg". First off and I mean this in not a nice way, they can fuck off.

You are entitled to your feelings without commentary from other people. Like we all need to vent sometimes and we don't need to hear critics about it. You have a right to be exhausted and run down because YOU ARE! Like seriously have these people never felt emotions before? It's not good to bottle things up until you can't handle it and alot of us look to others to help with solutions or just to vent! There is NOTHING wrong with that.

And as an adult, I can honestly say adults are the biggest hypocrits out there. They will literally look at overworked kids who have to work, do homework, have a social life, do social activities and all this crap and be like "you think you have problems now just wait until til your an adult" 🙄🙄 PLEASE! Adults will bitch and complain about literally everything and then turn around and say to someone else "well that's how it is". I'm sorry but we don't accept that energy here. I fully believe everyone is entitled to their feelings, to taking a mental health day to just feeling tired!

So in short, you aren't "complaining or whining" , you're being a human with emotions and feelings! I hope you get a break soon and that your sleep schedule gets hammered out. I know how having little sleep can affect someone!

[pawfulsofmischief]

asdjj ikr? wikipedia is addictive

why talk to people when you can read books in peace? i used to and still do have a book on me at all times. its a must!

yeah uni and stuff separating everyone. hate it. matching tattoos are just 💕💕

lmao i mean i like mustard too. and teal? to some extent?

dude 1AM is early? its 2.30PM now. we're more than 12hrs apart 😭

I constantly have my phone and chromebook on me now, so I have digital books with me all the time. xD I used to have books on me at all times when I was younger, but now it's just fanfics that I can read reliably :)

Maybe if y'all have corresponding school breaks, you can meet up during on and get tats together then! It probably wouldn't be too hard to set up. i say despite only ever seeing people 1 time a year outside of the computer

Black is perfectly valid, whether it's technically a colour or not. It's also a very sexy colour so 👌

I MEAN I used to stay up until like 8am-noon, and wake up at 6pm or later so... I've been on a relatively normal sleep schedule, though, for the past month or two tbh. I'm a huge night owl so I naturally stay up at night easier, and I can vary between only needing like, 2 hours a sleep a day to sleeping 16+ hours a day :) But with top surgery coming up I'm trying to be healthier

and yes 😭 we're so far apart. Timezones are a pain in the ass sometimes

[carenrose]

Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome is apparently pretty common in people with ADHD.

I seem to naturally fall into a 2am sleep time when my schedule has been otherwise aligned with the rest of my life (work, family, etc). That means I've been pretty regularly going to bed around 12-1am, getting up around 8-9, then one night I just get involved in what I'm doing it something - I don't feel tired until about 2:00.

I'm currently on a medication I take at night that has the side effect of making me feel tired. I also take melatonin. That's how I have been able to keep my sleep schedule intact. I work at 9:00 am, so I have to be at least somewhat conscious.

Before this medication, and before I started taking melatonin regularly, my sleep schedule would end up drifting later. I'd be going to bed at 4:00, 4:30 every night, getting up at noon. My job at the time worked fine with that schedule, but I felt terrible. I felt like I had no time to do things and it was always dark out. And then classes would start again or I'd have something to do earlier in the day, and I'd have the HARDEST time waking up, because after all, 4-8am is only 4 hours of sleep.

I'd gotten back into my normal 2am sleep time when I started working a full-time 9-5 kind of job.

Then I started working from home in April 2020. Something about that switch messed me up HARD. It was the first time I was really having trouble falling asleep when I'd go to bed. My sleep time drifted from 2:30 to 3:30 and then it crept up on 5:00 and then next I knew I was laying awake in bed at 6:30 in the morning, about to cry in frustration.

Although I normally "couldn't" fall asleep at 11:00pm if I went to bed then, that's not "insomnia" to me.

It's like saying to someone who normally goes to bed at 10pm to try to go to sleep at 7:00. That's early evening - the sun probably hasn't gone down yet, they have things they want to get done, and they're just not tired. Of course they'll lay awake in bed for a couple hours, because it's not sleeping time yet!

But when I started working from home, that was insomnia. I was tired. Besides a short nap after work (the only thing that let me get though the day coherently), I'd been awake for almost 20 hours.

Until that experience, I didn't know really how to explain that not being "able to fall asleep" at some earlier time of night didn't mean I had insomnia. I tried to explain, but it never quite got the point across.

Anyways I don't know where I'm going with this now so uhhhhhhh ... sleep well everybody! Goodnight!

can.. ADHD cause issues with sleeping?? cuz i find that whenever its bedtime for me, my brain refuses to shut off for the night and i have to like lull myself to sleep in a certain way, in a certain environment WITH CERTAIN CONDITIONS or else my body decides sleeping is a crime that shouldnt be committed im not sure if other symptoms of other illnesses play into this though?? its literally just a matter of: me, crawling into bed and getting comfy: okay, time to rest for the night! brain: brain: brain: no ur not also look at ur room omg it so disorganized you should really get to that like right about now or else ur gonna forget and ur dad is gon give u shit for it. but anyway thats boring remember that time when- me: I LITERALLY JUST LAID DOWN WHY ARE U NOT LIKE THIS ANY OTHER TIME the st r oogle sry!! i had ta rant dsdssd

adhd causes sleeping problems

ur cicardian rythmn is off so you want to sleep later and wake up later

some people take melatonin to help themselves sleep earlier

i used to listen to music to sleep

now i stay up till 2am until i collapse in exhaustion