#it's always i support you as long as you admit you have nonbinary privilege and are basically cis for not medically transitioning

[this-is-exorsexism]

why do binary trans people feel the need to qualify their supposed support for nonbinary people? it's never "i support nonbinary people", but "i support nonbinary people, as long as [they don't do something obviously shitty]".

why do you feel the need to mention that? do you think nonbinary people are inherently more likely to be bigoted assholes? you should examine that.

also 9 times out of 10 it's a self-identified transsexual with binary privilege saying this about how they "support nonbinary people as long as they support people who ACTUALLY medically transition" as if nonbinary and medical transition were mutually exclusive, and as if nonbinary people who don't medically transition are somehow more of a threat to medical transition access than, you know, cis people, rather than advocating for bodily autonomy.

nonbinary people never qualify our support for binary trans people like this, always speak up for our trans brothers and sisters and then all we get is whatever in the exorsexist truscummery this is.

they're just making up some nonbinary stereotype to hold onto so they feel justified in revoking their fake support whenever.

also bonus points because that was under a post about why some nonbinary people don't identify as trans and i shared my experience of previously not identifying as trans due to exorsexism from binary trans people and then a binary trans person comes in doing this to show their supposed support, like try sounding any less supportive. attitudes like this are part of why many of us don't feel welcome.

[describe-things]

I post these in the hopes that maybe someday nonbinary people who are not transmasculine or transfeminine or whatever the next Brand New Progressive This Time Gender Binary will be in the next five years will actually have our voices heard and respected by the rest of the trans community, instead of constantly being erased and told that we're the reason conservatives hate trans people.

It's May 2025. Pride month starts in 16 days. You'd think we wouldn't have to keep asking for the bare minimum level of inclusion in conversations that affect us, but you'd be wrong.

The only nonbinary people the trans community even remotely respects are transfeminine and transmasculine people, and even they don't even get real respect. But at least they get to have their existence acknowledged on posts claiming to be about uplifting the most invisible trans people.

But we're so invisible we don't even get the privilege of being mentioned in passing, even by the most seemingly progressive people talking about trans issues.

If you think saying "trans men and transmascs and trans women and transfems" is you including the entire trans community, you are admitting you only see nonbinary people as trans if we force ourselves back into the gender binary that makes you so comfortable.

It's May 15 2025, 16 days until Pride Month begins, and I just had to see someone respond to a post about not excluding nonbinary people by saying that nonbinary people who want to be included are, and I directly literally quote, "the reason grandpa can't keep up with all the different term changes."

So.

Before Pride Month actually gets here, how about everyone, cis women, cis men, trans women, trans men, transfems, transmascs, how about you all please just take five minutes to think about the nonbinary people who do not fit into any of those categories and please actually take the time to remind yourself that we exist, and do your part to not actively exclude us from the community we have always been apart of and always will.

Are you trying to talk about the whole trans community? You need to just flat out say "nonbinary people". Not "transfem and transmasc nonbinary people" they are already included when you say transfems and transmascs.

You need to actually care about those of us who have nothing to do with the gender binary. You need to acknowledge us. You need to care about us. You need to listen to us.

If you do not care enough to just say "nonbinary people" when you're claiming to support the entire trans community, please just actually think about why that is. Ask yourself why you think we don't need to be included.

Ask yourself why the only nonbinary people you'll even pretend to include are the ones who are willing to fit into the gender binary.

Please just actually try to care about the rest of us too.

You are encouraged to download these and share them to other sites / blogs as long as you copy and paste the image description too. Including the part describing the flag. You should always describe the pride flag involved in art instead of just listing the name. It will always be someone's first time encountering it.

[ID: The progress trans flag, with text in front reading, "You still have to include nonbinary people in the conversation even when we aren't transfeminine or transmasculine". The progress trans flag has eight horizontal stripes of: Purple, black, blue, pink, white, yellow, black, and brown. In the center is a gold circle with rings of purple and black around it. End ID.]

[ID: The same flag, now reading, "If the only trans people you stand up for are trans men, transmascs, trans women, and transfems...you're abandoning so many nonbinary people to fend for ourselves". End ID.]

[ID: The same flag, now reading, "If you can't even bring yourself to say the words 'nonbinary people' you have no right to say you care about all trans people". End ID.]

[ID: The same flag, now reading, "You have to care about all nonbinary people, not just the ones who are transmasculine or transfeminine". The words 'all nonbinary people' are underlined for emphasis. End ID.]

[ID: The same flag, now reading, "Nonbinary people should not have to force ourselves back into the closet just to get you to acknowledge our existence". End ID.]

[velvetvexations]

your post on it made me realize that the "AFAB transfem/intersex transfem" discourse feels like a creepily close parallel to the "lesboy/lesbian man" discourse. which i directly experienced. i think that experience is why i haven't been able to directly acknowledge the similarities until i saw someone else lay it out.

one can functionally have the same identity- as long as you don't use the exact term(s) at the center of the discourse. only speak using the popular terms, maintain the "right opinions", get comfortable with occasional enforcement of where the group-border is right now (it may move or it may not but always act like it was where it is now forever), and suddenly it's not end of the world or language. we can continue to say "words have meaning" at the same time as you existing in our space. for someone fine with the trade-off it can be quite comfortable.

call yourself as "lesbian boyfriend" as much as you want. but don't shorten it, and you do need to tell me about your genitals or if/how you transitioned so i can make sure if i'm comfortable having you around. i mean it would be scary if a man was in here right? thank god you understand that you have "masc privilege". but you can call yourself a man/guy/dude as long as you're joking, but if it isn't just a fake punchline than people with posts about supporting multigender/genderfluid/nonbinary lesbians and how hot "butches who are just some guy" are will attack you for being a fake invader.

talk about how you're "an intersex woman transitioning towards a feminine identity" as much as you want. don't shorten it, you need to make sure you aren't making any perisex trans people uncomfortable, so don't mention IGM/CAGAB/SIG or anything like that just to be safe. but you do need to tell me about your genitals. never disagree about the "privilege" that having a congenital condition gives you or the people with posts talking about how important trans/intersex solidarity is and how "i wish i was an [insert h-slur or synonym] that would be SO hot/affirming*" will attack you for being a fake invader.

like. you can still talk about it! but never directly name it unless you're fine with the potential level of harassment you'll get, despite nothing functionally changing about your identity. despite being in that space for entire years of your life. just never clarify or if you do, use the language WE want you to use, i mean you don't want to make anyone uncomfortable or kill the vibe right? if you do than the invisible switch flips and you'll magically stop being one of us.

this is all for everyone's safety btw. if you question it you're dangerous and if you get upset you're manipulative, which means we were retroactively right about you. also if you're quiet and leave that just means you're admitting you were guilty, which also means we were retroactively right about you. it's a very effective system! anyway, please read my essay about how community is important for our survival. social murder and isolation are just so fucked up...... you really can't trust anyone outside our group. have you SEEN those statistics? this is why i only form relationships inside the group. because it's Safe. you should read this twitter thread/Medium article about how we've fixed radical feminism so the group can be even safer and more effective!

(*rotate this with "i'm an [h-slur] because that word means transgender!" or "god i want to fuck an [h-slur] so bad" because they're all relatively common in perisex queer space. pick the most accurate poison because it's all just intersexism)

To be clear though, people who are like that about intersex trans women are a minority among the people who object to it. Most of them think having been AFAB is ontologically incompatible with being a transfem. But people who are less stupid than that recognize that's stupid and assume the objection is to the specific language they're seeing used.

[thelazyenvironmentalist]

Whiney/Whitey

Dear fellow white feminists, 

I’m writing to you today to inform you of something you may not as of yet be aware of. On the chance that you may not have been informed, I’d like to let you know that we don’t get to pull the emotional labour card. 

I suppose I should clarify that when I say “white people” what I really mean is “white people who think you’re woke and don’t want to have to teach people who aren’t as woke as you what it means to be woke.” (also for the love of Roxanne Gay pls stop using the word “woke”)

I’m writing this, dear whitey, because I’ve noticed something of a trend in online forums, threads, and the comment sections of articles lately. More than once, I’ve read the posts or comments of seemingly able-bodied, upper middle class, privileged white cis women lamenting aaaaaaallllllllll of the emotional labour they’re having to perform, and how gosh darn unfair(!!!) it is. And honestly- I’m not sure we get to say that. I’m not entirely sure that it’s all that unfair. 

I’ll admit, yes, when I have to explain to a 30 year old white dude that climate change is indeed caused by people, and that it is indeed an issue embedded in greater systemic oppression of marginalized peoples, non-human animals, and my girl Mother Nature, I would rather stab myself, and him in the neck with a pencil. But here’s the thing- if I don’t have that painful fucking conversation with him, I can’t be sure that anyone else will. And really, as a reasonably affluent, educated white woman, having an agitating conversation with a somewhat uninformed dude is sort of the least I can do considering (to look at just one example) something like 110 Somalians died within a 48 hour period this past week due to climate change related drought, meanwhile, fewer Canadians believe in anthropogenically caused climate change in 2017 than in 2007.  

As white women, who stem from a line of other affluent white women who have dominated wider feminist discourse for the past century and a half, it’s our job now to take a step back and instead amplify those voices of women of colour, trans women, nonbinary, queer folk, and other marginalized peoples. But when we take this step back, it doesn’t mean that we get to relax and cop out- it’s our job now to do the educating, the emotional lifting and hard work that marginalized peoples have been doing (and continue to do) for so long.  

It’s really easy to back out of these conversations with people we might consider ignorant because we don’t consider it our job to educate them- they’re as able bodied and privileged as we are- so why can’t they do the work themselves!? But I’d challenge you to realize that you weren’t always as enlightened as you now profess to be. Once upon a time someone (someone probably less privileged than you) had to take the time, expend their emotional labour explaining new and complex concepts to you. Someone had to work with you to dismantle and shift your paradigm, and now it’s your turn to pay it forward and do the same for someone else. 

Don’t expect a thank you, don’t expect recognition, and don’t think of yourself as some sort of glorious feminist Artemis, saving the world from the evils of man one facebook thread as a time- that isn’t happening either. You’ll probably get lots of eye rolls, the occasional angry/whiny/self-pitying outburst, and when you do, it’s ok to get mad and tell that dude to fuck off. No one’s saying you can’t tell people to fuck off- it’s one of my favourite pastimes, and I wouldn’t try to take that away from you. Just know that this shitty emotional labour is absolutely your job, your cross to bear as a white feminist.  We’re here to support and nurture this movement that we have dominated for so long, and sometimes that will include taking taking an evening away from our scented candles, organic bath scrubs, and feminist podcasts to do a little bit of legwork, emotional or otherwise.