#it's just... really weird (in a way that is obviously on purpose)

[twilightofthesandwiches]

When I made that post about how Spamton and Tenna were probably both mimicking each other due to mutual jealousy, I mentioned by the end that, although both of them saw the other as having something they lack...

Spamton was, like, objectively the worst-off between the two, and his jealousy of Tenna is probably more 'justified' than the other way around'. But also Tenna is unaware and probably totally incapable of understanding this fact . Since the reasons behind it are dependent both on the culture of the internet and the deeper machinations of Light and Dark.

I didn’t really go into depth about it at the time cause it is a complex topic that I did kinda cover for Spamton before Chapters 3 + 4 even released and if I started going into it in detail, it could’ve easily overshadowed the main point I was trying to make with that post. But since I did get some comments/questions about that aspect… I thought it might be a good idea to give it its own post going into it in detail and clarifying my point.

So, both Spamton and Tenna imitate each other because they see the other as an embodiment of something they don’t have. Tenna has the charm, prestige and both metaphorical and literal ‘bigness’ that Spamton craves. While Spamton has the modernity, understanding of technological progress and ability to reach Lightners that Tenna’s so insecure about lacking these days.

(I think you can kinda see it as a metaphor to the relationship between traditional media and the new media in general. Old Media such as the Television is getting overshadowed and outcompeted by the Internet-based New Media, but it also still has an air of respectability and prestige that New Media still generally lacks. The fact that Tenna is specifically jealous of, like, the lowest, least-respectable, most obnoxious aspect of the Internet is just an extra detail that makes him more uniquely pathetic.)

But the main difference is, like… So Tenna is a Television Darkner, he’s supposed to exist for the purpose of providing entertainment. He loves entertainment because that’s what he was created to do and entertaining Lightners is the thing that makes him feel truly fulfilled. He is also, by all accounts pretty damn good at it.

Like, the main conflict between Tenna and the Lightners is because he wanted his show to go on forever (And also he kidnapped Toriel and was keeping the Dark Fountain from getting sealed and working with the Knight). They did clearly enjoy being on his show as a temporary thing. He's honestly good at this.

I mean, the fact that he has a set Purpose hardwired into his very being and can’t feel truly content unless he’s fulfilling said Purpose is kinda Existentially Depressing if you think about it too hard, but at least it’s something he both enjoys and is good at.

And then you have Spamton. As the Magical Dream Representation of Spam Email, he is created to scam people out of their money and information. He is also generally obsessed with all the things your usual Spam Mail blathers on about, success, prestige, being a BIG SHOT. But being Spam Mail also means he is utterly terrible at doing his Purpose and fulfilling his goals. Spam Mail is weird, obviously scammy, gets thrown away 99% of the time, and is the lowest and most incompetent form of online advertising/scams. The basic essence of his metaphysical being is to be a frustrated, miserable failure.

Of course, this isn’t as simple as saying Tenna is metaphysically allowed to be truly happy while Spamton isn’t. Because it’s been a long time since Tenna has been able to fulfill his Purpose. He’s good at entertainment… but he’s not good enough to get anyone in the Dreemurr household to turn on the TV on the regular. His show is loads of fun, but it’s also kind of repetitive, cheesy and old-fashioned… because that’s also the Lightner perception of the classic TV that Tenna was created to represent.

You can easily say that just as Spamton’s preordained role is to be a failure because Spam Mail is by definition crappy, Tenna’s role is to be a failure because in these modern times, the definition of the television has changed to be ‘not good enough’.

And the whole thing is actually totally outside Tenna’s control. Obviously no one can truly control the march of time or stop new entertainment technology from being developed, but even in terms of the content Tenna can provide if he's switched on... That’s in the hands of Lightner TV producers.

In his Dark World, Tenna’s living the high-life, the biggest and only Big Shot in TV World. but he’s incapable of being satisfied with all of his power and prestige as long as he’s a failing his Purpose as a Light World television. A matter that is actually totally beyond his control.

Tenna’s aware of all of these problems, but he’s not fully aware of how these issues reflect Spamton’s situation. He’s knows nothing about the modern internet world

…He doesn’t know what being ‘Spam’ means, and therefore has no idea what Spamton is supposed to be. He met Spamton during the brief period of time the salesman was genuinely successful as an adbot, he has no idea about the unlucky Addison he was before or the total wreck he became later.

… But that is also part of the crucial difference. Spamton only became successful and therefore happy due to the help of the mysterious Someone that has been calling him.

And…we are still not quite sure how that worked. Was that simply someone from the Light World aggressively clicking on so much Spam Mail and shitty ads that it temporarily changed Spamton’s status in the Dark Worlds? Did that Someone give Spamton the secret to actually defy the role assigned him by the metaphysical laws governing his existence? Was it done through the power of the Shadow Crystal? The power of the Prophecy? Were they taking advantage of the fact that the events we're talking didn’t truly happen and were instead retconned into Spamton’s personal history when the Computer Room Dark World created him?

There are so many question marks about Spamton’s Mysterious Benefactor and how that whole thing worked… and that’s because giving Spamton a happier and more successful life is something that seems like it should be literally metaphysically impossible. And while Tenna was pretty much trapped in an unsatisfying existence due to the nature of his being and circumstances beyond his control… his problems were also much easier to solve from a Lightner perspective.

Sure, the television doesn’t get the sort of universal success and influence that it did when Tenna was brand new, but there are still people who watch and enjoy it. As long as that fact holds true for at least one household (and seeing how books, radio and cinema still exist despite the television overshadowing them back during Tenna’s hay-day, I doubt the TV will ever die completely) and as long as Tenna himself is a usable television then Tenna’s happiness is absolutely achievable.

It is kinda existentially terrifying to think about how this was all out of his control and couldn’t have happened if not for Kris and Susie’s actions in the Light World, that Tenna himself still had no power over his own happiness… but that still leaves him in a better position than poor Spamton, where… even if you were a Lightner honestly interested in giving Spamton a happier life… what could you do for him?

Like, Noelle obsessively responds to "Free Friend Finder" Spam in a desperate attempt to find Dess and that got Spamton's attention and gratitude, but it was still obviously a tiny drop in the bucket compared to the success he is destined to crave for… So this is clearly much more complicated than just humoring a few Spam Mails (and also, even that plan carries a much bigger risk to the Lightners compared to just giving someone a second-hand television. Because Spamton is also ontologically doomed to bite the hand that feeds him.)

But, like, there is a reason why Tenna was shoving his nose into Spamton’s Secret to Success. Obviously with Tenna already being Executive Producer and God-King of TV World, he’s not exactly looking to become a ‘Big Shot’ in the Dark Worlds - he’s looking to have the sort of reach and influence that internet-based Darkners like Spamton seems to have over the Lightners. He was looking for Spamton's advice in the hopes he could help him to understand modern technology and the changing times, help him to stop himself from becoming increasingly outdated… But is that something Tenna would've been even able to do?

Again, before the TV World Dark Fountain even opened, Tenna shouldn't have had any way to affect his situation in the Light World, he was just an inanimate TV. If Spamton taught him to 'plug in'… what would that mean? Would the Dreemurr Household's living room TV suddenly gain the ability to connect to the internet? Would it suddenly transform into a Smart TV out of nowhere? Would it suddenly starts broadcasting new content that's more appealing to modern audiences (at least according to Spamton's advice)?

The idea that's the least magically-breaking-the-laws-of-causality is that Spamton was thinking of asking Someone to upgrade Tenna's inanimate TV self in the Light World… and even that kinda stumbles into the mindfuck acknowledgement that all of the events we're talking about didn't truly happen the way Tenna and Spamton remember them because they were an inanimate object and a spam folder on a laptop at the time and all of their past and memories of being People were created when they were brought to life by their respective Dark Fountains so how could they ask anyone in the Light World to do anything at that point in time?

Tenna was actually trying to get Spamton to help him do the same thing he's done, defy the fate he was doomed to because of what he is in the Light World. To help him break the laws of how Dark and Light work so he can get closer to accomplishing his dreams. Even though he doesn't seem to be fully aware of the fact that was what Spamton did in the first place. And… there is a level where I'm wondering if Tenna even understood the full ramification of what he was planning for himself?

Because when it comes to Tenna being unaware of Spamton's miserable fate due to the fact he doesn't know what a "Spam Mail" is, that is a simple problem of a lack of knowledge. Tenna just doesn't have that information due to his status as a pre-internet piece of technology. But when it comes to the matter of the metaphysical mechanics of Light and Dark and how Darkners work… I feel ike it's not really a matter of knowledge as much as a matter of understanding.

Tenna clearly knows that as a Darker, he is created from the Dreemurr Household's TV, he knows that before the Dark Fountain opened he was just an inanimate object, he knows that means that his Purpose is to entertain Lightners… But does he actually think about what all of these facts actually mean? Does he fully understand the implications of his existence? I've already wrote so much about all the little things that make Tenna's life, maybe better than Spamton's, but definitely kind of an existential nightmare in it's own right if you think about it… but that's the question, does he actually think about it?

When we was trying to get that 'deal' done with Spamton, was he thinking about in terms of 'I'm gonna need to break the laws of what it means to be me, Tenna, a Darkner based on this specific old TV. Because by definition I am outdated and if I want to actually catch-up with the times and be watched again, I will have to change that Definition somehow?' or was it just 'Oh boy! That Silly Little Guy knows a lot about this internet stuff that scares and confuses me! And he's got so many views! I have to ask him how he does it..." without ever thinking of the implications of how'd he'd replicate 'how he does it'?

I think there's a lot of little hints that Spamton doesn't just want to rebel against the metaphysical laws that made him a constant failure so he could be a Big Shot… Spamton also wants to want different things. As he exists, Spamton isn't supposed to care about anything but deals and scams and money and success (while also existing to constantly fail to achieve these things), but his actual dream is now something much bigger than that, much more centered around his freedom. Although part of the tragedy is that he is still doomed to only being able to think about it in terms of power and status, and doomed to being unable to think of a plan to achieve that dream without scamming money out of people and exploiting them in general.

Even when he's giving Kris the KeyGen, he has to try and sell it for a sometimes ludicrous amount of money, because he's not supposed to care for anything but sales and deals… But he does seem to try and fight against this instinct.

And it's clear that he is very emotionally hurt by all the friendships he lost and all the bridges he burned. With Tenna most obviously, but also with the Addisons and with Swatch. As a Spam-Email, he's not supposed to care about those things more than he does about Deals and Scams, but as a person, it's clear that this is a huge part of his angst. In the Normal Route, Spamton starts projecting his own issues on Kris the moment he sees them walking through the Dark World alone. In the Weird Route, Spamton only starts doing it in the NEO Boss Fight, when they start calling out to their friends. Either way, it happens when he sees them alone.

In terms of the metaphysics of Light and Dark, Spamton's essential definition is being a weird failed scam-artist. In Spamton's own eyes, his essential definition is being lonely and abandoned.

And of course, the whole point of Spamton NEO's Spare Route, the closest thing to a happy ending he ever got, is about abandoning all of his grand plans to become [BIG] for the sake of friendship.

Tenna… does not seem to struggle against his nature in the same way. He is not bothered by the implications of having a set Purpose or maybe he just never thought about it that much. He fully embraces the idea that his Purpose is to Entertain and to be Watched, and even when he's sad and frustrated because he can't fulfil that goal… he blames himself for failing to fulfil it, he does not go against the idea that fulfilling this Purpose IS the number one thing he wants and needs.

He's already in a better spot than Spamton was, because, although he's got a bit of an Entertainment Industry Sleaze coding to him with all of his shady contracts, being based on an Object that generally makes Lightners' life more enjoyable and has a lot of sentimental memories associated with it makes him considerably more capable of caring about other people and forming meaningful relationships. But even when his obsessive pursuit of his goal ends up with him alienating all of his TV World employees (even Mike!) and causing his world to crumble all around him, he never doubts that there is nothing more important to him than Entertaining Lightners.

I think if you went to Tenna and asked him if he ever wanted to want a different thing, something that doesn't make him totally dependent on outside approval, he'd just be confused. What in this world could be a better and more worthy goal than bringing smiles and tears to the lovely viewers at home? What else is there? It's just not something he could ever even being to think about.

And sure, Tenna might know and acknowledge that he's the Dreemurr Household TV and that's why he cares so much about entertaining specifically the Dreemurr (and Holiday) family… but does he truly understand the way that his personality was shaped by the emotions of Kris and Toriel during the night the Fountain was opened? For him, his emotional grief at the slow dissolution of the Dreemurr family is just his genuine emotional response based on his personality and his memories and the experiences he had… and I think it is real... but it's also a projection of Kris and Toriel's feelings.

For him, his fixation over Toriel is born of the fact she was the last member of the Household to consistently Watch him…

But it's also born of the way he's kind of a reflection of Asgore's Divorced Behavior.

Is Tenna aware of the idea that his feelings, that feel 100% real for him, were also 'given' to him by the Lightners? Does it bother him at all? Does it not bother him because of an actual confidence in his own personhood and the validity of his perspective and his personal sense of self… or just because he never thought that deeply, that far, into the implications of his own existence?

Tenna knows what it means to be a Darkner, but he doesn't understand what Spamton understands. And as long as this gap exists, Tenna won't ever really know how miserable and doomed Spamton truly was. And I think as Tenna gets happier and more content, now that he's got a new loving home, he will be less and less driven and able to understand it. This little adventure he had with the Knight and the Fun Gang was probably the closest he's ever gotten.

Even if you sat him down and patiently explained what a Spam Mail is in the most 70's terms you could muster, he still won't truly understand why Spamton can't just replicate the success he had when these two knew each other, or why Spamton was so determined to 'see past the Dark'. Not anymore, at least. Because that requires delving into things he knows, but has never truly understood on a deep level. And maybe it's better for him that he doesn't.

I think, Tenna was on… the precipice. He took great interest in Spamton's success, he wanted to know his secret, they had almost signed a deal together. Tenna's frustration and lack of ability to fulfil his Purpose had led him to a point where had almost tried to defy his Existence the way Spamton had never stopped trying. He was unsatisfied and miserable enough that he almost became… maybe not exactly like Spamton, but at least a lot like King. Y'know, the Dark World Leader who got a lot of secret info from the Shadow Crystal Holder he was closest to, and thus inspired him to rage against fate and actively try to defy his Purpose?

Maybe not exactly the same as King… but he had almost tried seeing too far. Almost.

But at the end of the day, Spamton felt that the only way he could be truly happy is to find some way to cut off his puppet-strings, while Tenna is someone who finds true joy and contentment in simply dancing along to them.

[the-queen-of-geese]

this but it’s rivals to lovers

- “look at that, you changed your hair and you still look disgusting”

- “tf were you upset about earlier? weak” (actually extremely concerned)

- “you didn’t text back. fucking [insert whatever endearing insult] got me worried for a hot minute”

- “are you cold? seriously? here, take my jacket, I can handle a little cold cause I’m not fucking weak”

Almost getting jealous but they’re obviously NOT jealous because SHUT UP, I HATE YOU

- “who was that?”

- “oh, you’re still hanging out with that loser. birds of a feather ig”

- “interesting that you never cancel on them. do you really think I’m that far beneath you?”

Finding excuses to be around each other

- “you’re the only one that knows anything about this subject so I really have no choice but to study with you”

- “ugh. why do I bump into you everywhere?” (because they’ve been running into the other one on purpose, not quite consciously doing it, but doing it anyway)

- “you forgot this, you fucking idiot” (single pen)

All the friends know

- “you’re literally in love with them”

- “that was not an argument. you guys were flirting.”

- “you made them fucking SOUP. that is NOT something you do for your enemy. wake up and get married already”

- “you literally rant about them all the time that is not natural and not something you do for someone you just hate. shut up and ask them out already or imma start charging rent”

Almost figuring it out

- glaring across the room at them, seeing them laugh and getting a weird warm feeling in their chest

- seeing them cry and panicking and wanting to fix it because this isn’t right, they never cry, what happened to that confident bastard

- being caught off guard while bantering and actually blushing, which surprises the other one and they both end up blushing

- thinking, Goddam, why do they have to be hot

- and then thinking huh, that was weird and continuing as usual

Genuinely making each other better

- comforting each other after a loss (they both pretend it doesn’t happen)

- getting SO PISSED when someone else hurts them because FUCK YOU, ONLY I CAN DO THAT (yes I know it’s a common trope but this is one of the best parts of rivals to lovers)

- pushing themselves to improve because fuck it, I gotta beat them

- when faced with a problem that their usual style doesn’t fix, they immediately think what would they do

- actually being an excellent team because although they do argue half the time, they know each other. they don’t need to spend time figuring out what do you do and what do I do because they know each other well enough to just. do their thing. and it works.

When it finally hits

- angsty flashbacks

- lots and lots of internal screaming and anger

- “FUCK NO”

- “OH MY GOD.”

- “was it ALWAYS this way??? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN???”

- “WAIT YOU ALL KNEW????”

Writing characters who don’t know they’re in love

(PS: but literally everyone else does and is so tired)

These characters aren’t clueless, no, they’re not walking around like, “love? never heard of her.” They know something’s going on, they just won’t admit it (not to themselves, not to anyone.) Maybe they’re scared of messing it up, or maybe they think the other person doesn’t feel the same. Maybe they’ve stuffed the feeling so deep even a NASA rover couldn’t dig it out.

Whatever the reason, they’re not avoiding the truth as much as they’re…rebranding it. Calling it “friendship” while giving each other their only jacket and dreaming about each other’s voices like it’s totally normal behavior.

ꕤ They don’t realize it’s love, but they notice everything else. They clock every mood shift, every absence, every little thing. They definitely  know when something’s off.

⇢ “You changed your hair.” ⇢ “You looked upset earlier.” ⇢ “You didn’t text me back and I panicked.” ⇢ “You weren’t at lunch and it felt weird.” ⇢ “Are you cold?” hands over jacket without a second thought

They don’t say “I love you,” but their actions scream it constantly.

ꕤ they get weird when someone else gets close They’re not jealous. No, how dare you think something like that… they’re just keeping an eye out. For safety... Or whatever."

⇢ “Who was that?” ⇢ “Oh, you’re hanging out with them again?” ⇢ “I just think it’s interesting how you never cancel on them.”

They don’t say it, but they hate the idea of being replaced. It stings more than they’re ready to admit.

ꕤ they make excuses to be around each other.

Literally inventing reasons to be in the same space.

⇢ “Wanna study together? I’m struggling with this topic.” (They’re not.) ⇢ “Oh, I was just in the area.” (They weren’t.) ⇢ “You forgot this.” (It’s a single pen.)

They’d rather lie badly than admit, “I just wanted to see you.”

ꕤ  Their friends are so over it Everyone around them is either rooting for them or trying not to scream.

⇢ “You’re in love with them.” ⇢ “That’s not friendship, and you know it.” ⇢ “You made them soup. FUCKING SOUP. Just say you’re married already.” ⇢ “If I have to hear you talk about them one more time, I’m charging rent.”

Friends are the Greek chorus of this situation, like, brutally honest and endlessly tired.

ꕤ  There’s always a moment they almost figure it out That one soft, unspoken beat where the truth almost breaks through.

⇢ Watching them laugh like it’s the first time. ⇢ Seeing them cry and wanting to fix it more than anything. ⇢ Realizing no one else makes them feel like this. ⇢ Thinking, God, they’re beautiful.

Then they blink, panic a little, and go, “Huh. Weird.” And move on. Like absolute fools.

ꕤ  When it finally hits, it’s not cute, it’s catastrophic. Suddenly everything makes sense and feels like too much.

⇢ Flashbacks. ⇢ Internal screaming. ⇢ “Oh no.” ⇢ “OH MY GOD.” ⇢ “Has it always been this obvious??” ⇢ “Wait. Everyone knew?!”

Yes. Everyone. The friends, the neighbor’s cat. You were the only two who didn’t get the memo...

[weiszklee]

The other problem with rent control is that it can incentivize weird shit like people holding onto leases on flats and subletting bc they can make money from the large arbitrage between the rent the market will bear and the rent they are paying (cf Berlin). Even where it’s dubiously legal it’s hard to enforce, and bc finding a flat is incredibly difficult (due in part to rent control) renters will still take that deal if they have to. You can try to ban that sort of thing, but as long as there’s a strong incentive toward it, bans are at best going to require costly enforcement efforts. In that way you can create a situation where renting is great if you’ve been living in the same flat for the last fifteen years but really bad if you need to move for some reason, and given that people will often need to move for various reasons (they have kids and need bigger space, they want to downsize or save and need less, they want to move closer to their job or to a specific neighborhood to be near an ailing relative etc) you’re just shifting the friction of the rental market from the Kaltmiete sticker price to spending months or years having to hunt for flats.

If you want to keep rents low or lower them, it’s much better to directly put downward pressure on rents by building extensively, than to enact awkward price control schemes that have lots of weird side effects from market distortions. As triv says, rent control isn’t a big deal if you pair it as a sop to renters along side good policy, but many cities treat rent control as sufficient. I think this is because enacting rent control is seen as “doing something” and relieves political pressure, even if it doesn’t on its own relieve scarcity. It would be better if rent control was off the table, so that if politicians wanted to be seen to be doing something, they were forced to look at other policies.

I suspect rent control is also better for property owners—it usually lapses when a new tenant takes over, or owners are allowed to increment the rent more, so rents can still rise in principle, keeping property values higher. Building more reduces the rate of rent rise in a more durable way (or, if you really go all out, lowers rents), which is terrific for renters but bad for existing property owners. Obviously it would be better for owners if there was no rent control, but if you had to choose between the value of your property rising more slowly and the value becoming stagnant or falling you would choose the first.

Okay yeah I agree that building more is better than rent control on its own, but that does not make rent control in general bad. Absent other options or, as in the discussed case, alongside other measures, rent control does indeed do something and isn't just for appearances.

To be fair, my personal experience with renting is only in flatshares. The one I am living in right now has existed for decades, with inhabitants slowly rotating in and out, thus keeping the GbR (which is the actual renting party) instact and keeping rent low. Of course this is not an option for families, but like ... every person who is helped by a policy is a win. That it isn't helping everyone is not an argument against it. (I realize this is easy to say when I am one of the people who are in fact benefitting.)

Subletting for profit defeats the purpose, of course, and should be restricted or at least heavily taxed. I am not like familiar with the matter, but intuitively this seems hard to hide from bureaucracies. Is this actually that big of a problem? I have never lived in Berlin.

and bc finding a flat is incredibly difficult (due in part to rent control)

Again here is the implication of a causation. How does rent control induce scarcity if it doesn't even apply to newly built houses? It should have no effect either way on incentives for building. It helps the people already living there, but that does not mean it screws over those who want to move to a city, it should just have no effect on them. Unless, I guess, you think people stay living in the city despite wanting to move away just because they are in a rent controlled flat, which I don't think is very common. Like, there will be a few people who this describes, but this should not make a significant dent in supply.

About politicians choosing to do rent control over incentivising building more just because it's easier, I have no idea how to evaluate if this is a big problem. Sure rent control might silence the nagging renters a little, but housing scarcity has a lot of detrimental effects besides making renters complain to politicians. Politicians should already want to solve this.

[camellcat]

saw someone ask where the joy is in s7. what? the whole.... it's everywhere?

it's willow being reassured she's still just as loved and important despite what she'd done. it's anya and xander not getting back together but knowing they still care deeply about one another and will still have each other's backs when it comes down to it. it's spike and buffy learning how to communicate with each other better, or at the least stop lying to each other. it's buffy going out monster hunting with xander and having a good grumble about it. it's dawn and anya being friends again after anya was betrayed by dawn's klepto habits. it's andrew slowly becoming one of their own. it's buffy finding a job that she enjoys, that makes her feel like she's doing something good outside of slaying and doesn't run her down into the dirt. it's willow building a healthy relationship with magic for the first time. it's spike on the journey to accepting himself, both the man and the monster rather than just trying to play one or the other. it's buffy willow and xander being as close as they've ever been again since the early days. it's dawn being integrated into the group properly and proudly showing off how good she is at research. it's xander and spike finally figuring out how to coexist. it's faith and buffy accepting one another. it's anya and andrew having fun just before the end of the world. it's dawn having her own outcast of friends in school just like buffy did. it's buffy choosing spike, loudly, over and over and over again. it's buffy staring down at the crater that was sunnydale and tearfully smiling at everything it meant to her then and everything it represents now

I feel like the majority of s7 is about how you can come back from misery. I think a lot of it is quieter, not always outright stated but shown if you're willing to notice it, and sometimes it's literally telling you to your face. and it says that there is a life after devastation. there will be joy again if you can work for it, if you're willing to try. or this is what I took away from s7 anyhow

[eatsbooksarchive]

If Eris meets someone and instantly realises that they are his mate, he knows nothing else of the person, how would he go about it?

i think he would try to take that shit to the grave — theirs or his. the one romantic relationship he is most readily exposed to throughout his life is fraught with abuse, despair, and unwillingness; the open romantic and sexual relationships his brothers participate in look a lot like subjugation; their secret ones, the ones that are genuine and sacred, are under constant threat of exposure; and we all know what happened to jesminda. not to mention being mated to him means becoming an external vulnerability, a heart beating outside of his chest, aching for a hand to reach out and crush it — and there are so many who would see him crippled in such a way. even beyond that, there’s the hostility a mate would experience amongst the autumn nobility. not while he was around, of course, but if they were ever left alone with all of the fae who wanted so desperately to ascend to power alongside the scion of autumn. so there’s obviously a lot of reasons he would keep it secret, all of them selfless, even if in the selfishness of the act.

but i do think, in the dark of the night, when the forest house is quiet and none are awake to scent the weakness on the air, he lets himself feel it — the second heartbeat, just outside of his chest. beating much slower than his own, as though in sleep. he imagines what they look like in repose, how they might nestle deeper into their pillow with a furrow between their brow as a dream stirs them towards waking, how he might like to lean forward and press his mouth to it until they settled, there, in the dark, where no one would know but him. and then — and then a servant creeps into his study to tend the hearth, which the ones loyal to him know not to do because he does not like to be disturbed and prefers to do so himself, which means this one is not loyal to him and is here to catch glimpse of what the heir is up to and report back to whoever sent them. (could be beron, could be a brother, could be a high-ranking noble who despises him, could be a high-ranking noble who hopes to slither into his bed. doesn’t matter much anymore.) the fantasy lives and dies in that moment, until the pressures of his life close around his chest once more and he must steal another reprieve from the heartbeat beyond, then it lives and dies there over again, again, again.

because the kindest thing eris vanserra can imagine doing for a mate is ensuring they never, ever know.

[aspenlovesmedia]

As an ace person myself, this means a lot to me.

Before I start though, I need to say that y’all can write whatever the fuck you want. I’m a sex repulsed asexual, I can’t read smut because it makes me feel sick and deeply uncomfortable, and especially if you are also ace and projecting your experiences onto Jon, go for it, write whatever you want.

This is my opinion on this, and you do not have to agree with me. I just want to talk about this. Also, I am autistic so apologies if I have misinterpreted what people have said, or if I come off as angry or anything like that at any point. That is not my intent, I just struggle with my tone (which is hard to convey through text anyway).

So, a few of the replies to this post have rubbed me the wrong way, especially the “it’s from Melanie and she hates Jon”. Why does that matter? I can kind of understand the arguement that as it’s second hand information so may be wrong, but what does Melanie and Jon not getting along have anything to do with this? Why would she lie? It’s just a really weird take to me, and maybe I’m misunderstanding what people are trying to say when they bring this up, but it just does not make any sense to me. In the conversation itself, Melanie and Basira are gossiping, but nothing in there is malicious, or implied to be, so again, why would she lie? Like the only thing that would potentially make sense is maybe she’s wrong, but we have no reason to not believe her.

Also, can we think about this from a writing standpoint for a minute. At what point in the story would it feel right for Jon to just outright say he is ace? I am of the personal opinion that I don’t think Jon would know the label asexual exists, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t ace, and even if he did when would this get brought up? Like when would Jon himself be like “yes I am asexual and (talks about how he feels about sex)”. It would feel really clunky in my opinion, and also it wouldn’t serve a purpose in the plot. It’s brought up once in a fairly natural way, and that’s the end of it because it doesn’t need to get brought up again, and frankly wouldn’t make sense to.

Jonny confirmed in one of the QnAs that Jon is written to be ace. Obviously people can headcanon what they want, but authorial intent is important to an extent, and especially when it is vague in the text, it’s nice he confirmed it.

Also, it is litterally stated the he doesn’t have sex. Now you can interpret that how you want, and yes people can change, but also he is the only character in the entire show stated explicitly to not have sex. Again, from a writing standpoint, if this information was wrong, it would have been cleared up in another episode but it wasn’t and we’re given no reason to think it’s not the case.

Ace rep is very rare. The fact Jon is ace is amazing. Again, write what you want, especially if you are a sex positive ace person and want to project onto Jon. The thing is, no other character in the show is explicitly stated to not have sex. There is literally every other character who you can write smut with, and you can also headcanon any character as being on the ace spectrum and write smut about them with that headcanon too.

I think my annoyance with this is it feels like some people want to bend over backwards to ignore the text and justify why Jon should have sex. Maybe it’s because I am a sex repulsed ace, but Jon is the one character in a peice of media I love who is stated to not have sex in the text and that representation means more to me than I think a lot of people can know. It’s one thing when it’s confirmed by a creator outside of the media itself, but Jonny wrote it into the story. It’s vague and brief, but that’s all it needed to be.

I hope that all makes sense? Sorry if it’s rambly or is confusing. I just wanted to talk about this.

See, my issue personally with people going "asexual people can still have sex" about Jonathan Archivist Sims is that... sure. Asexual people can have sex. However, John is quite explicitly written in a way that practically states that he, as an individual, does Not engage in sex

This is the one instance when we hear about Johns asexuality outside of the qnas, and its explicitly stated that John doesn't have sex. At all.

I understand the wish to see yourself represented in media, particularly as an asexual person myself. And this is not intended as a callout for anyone in particular. However, it does create great frustations within me because it reads as just reinforcing this standard that centers sex in relationships in a wider societal context. A denial of individuals who simply wish to wholeheartedly not engage with it overall

Im not going to try and stop anyone from headcanoning what they want, drawing what they want or writing what they want. However, I do implore you to consider the canon information, the scarcity of ace rep, and how this errasure of his identity may be upsetting. I also invite you to explore asexuality in the cases of other tma characters who are left to much interpretation, like Tim, Martin, Georgie, Melsnie, Basira, Daisy, Sasha- hell, make them all ace in all flavours of ace, have your fun. I just implore you allow John to remain sexless, as he deserves

[itissadbutitsmy-life]

listen I just can’t find fault with a candy person for finding something that unexpectedly brings them joy and doing everything in their power to make it keep happening. I just can’t find it in me to blame them for wanting the approval of the person they love and respect more than anyone else, and wanting that approval over and over again, and I just straight up can’t blame james for figuring out a trick to make his princess smile and call him her hero. like, banana guards get her praise and approval and hugs all the time, but he’s just some random engineer with an easy smile and no one who wants to hang out with him after work. and she likes him so much, she wants him in her kingdom, even when he goes and does something stupid like push her out of the way of a super dangerous not-moving car, at the cost of his own life, she wants him back and she’ll bring him back and she'll tell him that was very brave and she loves him. of course she loves him. she loves all the candy people. but he figured out how to make her look him in the eyes and say it and give him material evidence of her pride. I can’t find it in myself to blame him for that. it wasn't good, i don't think he should have been left unchecked to keep going forever, but i can't blame him for wanting to keep reliving the nice thing that happened once. the really nice thing that happened once that came with material gifts. if she didn’t want to keep doing it she would’ve stopped LONG before there were TWENTY FIVE of them. before she was so fed up that she didn’t even spare him a kind goodbye or a chance to go home one more time.

like you’re not beating the dystopian dictatorship allegations. saying she was right to exile him from the only home he’s ever known with no recourse because he was acting weird. and the thing is, I just can’t find it in me to blame a character living in a dictatorship for getting himself into a situation because he was desperately trying to be happy the best way he could figure out how. I’m not saying he was right, he’s insane, but it just rubs me wrong, the idea that he is the one holding all this heavy blame. the idea that the princess is right to look down at him and shake her head firmly and turn him out in the cold. for chasing the rush that she gave him willingly, over and over, without any specific end parameters. for not being able to make friends, and doing something weird about it. he’s bored and lonely and this works and it’s not, inherently, bad. it really isn’t. it’s batshit, but it’s actually not hurting anyone at all.

[oddly-casual]

Fiona and Cake spoilers seriously

(Something I noticed abt Betty and Simons relationship)

I love Betty and Simon’s relationship, I think their back story is so cute and romantic and all that lovely stuff don’t get me wrong.

But there’s this under tone of Betty constantly giving things up for Simon and we don’t really talk about it a lot???

Like, Betty let Simon have his moment with the artifact and the pubic, she also doesn’t go to her trip in favor of going on an expedition with Simon. Then when she goes to leave again she stays for Simon.

Even Fiona is like “you went with her on the bus?” And Simon just looks all confused like “what? No, why would I do that?” Like- hello???

Then after that she gave up her entire life and mind to get Simon back to the point where she literally says “I don’t know who I am without him anymore.” And that just sucks! Since the beginning Betty has been the one giving up the most, her mind, her own possible career, and it’s a story of love of course and it’s very sweet but it’s also a story of sacrifice.

Their love wasn’t a perfect solution, it was already sort of imbalanced when it started and I lowkey love how we see those cracks even before they’re together.

Again, I love their relationship and I think it’s sweet. I just think we should talk about Betty’s side more, especially when she tells a story of what most women do in relationships, sacrifice.

[gay--dog]

i love when miku or really any vocaloid is drawn in a weird sorta horror way it is like my favourite thing perhaps... especially if it puts emphasis on their robotic/inhuman-ness & the feeling of being used almost exclusively as a tool disconnected from your actual self & morphed for other peoples own purposes

[something-old-something-new]

Weird thing about me, I HATE wind in my hair/across my scalp. So much so, that I never go outside without a hat that I can stuff my hair into a be fairly confident the hat will stay on in at least a fresh breeze.

It’s been that way for almost as long as I can remember.

On the other hand, I really like the look, sound, and feel of flowy clothing in the wind, particularly capes, scarves, and shorter skirts (and just in case pervs land here, don’t think I’d be caught dead without long pants underneath).

Sometimes, on moderately windy days, I’d put on stuff like that (hat included, obviously) and go out on purpose.

Is that too weird?

Hey. I was wondering, can some autistic people be really sensitive to some kind of stimuli (like sounds, lights), while simultaneously being desensitised or maybe even numb to other kinds (like feeling textures on your skin)? For example, could somebody be troubled by noises, while also being rather okay with almost any texture (to the skin)? (Sorry if you have already answered that question, I couldn't find anything so specific and...I think I don't want to just guess or assume anything).

Yesss! You’ve just described autistic life for the majority of them.

[ecrireverie]

okay lol mini rant in the tags sorry i just HAD to get this off my chest 😭 sorry if this is very incoherent and poorly worded or structured or whatever i'm just. pretty out of it and i cannot really think to write this properly. well, that or i am probably just illiterate actually. Yeah that's it lol

[nostalgebraist]

Last weekend I read most of J. D. Salinger's Glass family stories (with the exclusion of the non-Bananafish ones in Nine Stories).

Good stuff! Funny, haunting, verbally inventive, and full of interconnections / internal references that are rewarding to follow.

Much better than I what remember of Catcher in the Rye. Though I read Catcher in middle school, so maybe I'd like it better now. (My main reaction at the time was along the lines of "ugh this guy sucks" and "I get the sense I'm meant to pity him for being too young to know better, which I find kind of offensive, being even younger myself.")

Reportedly the Salinger estate is still planning to publish all the stuff the guy wrote and kept to himself in the decades since 1965 -- at least eventually. So the already-layered Glass narrative may acquire additional layers within our lifetimes. Tantalizing to think about.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!

[xcziel]

my mental acrobatics: what if he posted that song title in particular for himself as a kind of meta-commentary to show he knows it actually wasn't his win?

[saturnz-skiez]

I say I don’t watch for actors and then I google a list of everything Steven Yeun has been in so I’m a fucking liar actually

[kunasthiast]

bathroom meetings

you were finally in the tub.

bubbles everywhere. hair piled up. candle lit. mood set was divine. perfect silence. peace. it was your me time. after a ridiculous week that felt like being hit repeatedly with a spreadsheet and then lit on fire, the only thing you wanted was solitude and maybe for your skin to absorb enough lavender oil to knock you out for twelve hours.

sukuna had been in full corporate tyrant mode the past few days. buried in meetings. constantly yelling into headsets like he was declaring war (he might’ve been).

there were moments you’d pass by the home office and hear him through the closed doors: “i said quarterly projections, not emotional projections. are you fucking with me?”

in that same low, terrifying voice he used when he was threatening that random guy on the street who once slapped your head thinking you were his friend. and obviously, that’s the tone that meant someone’s career was about to combust.

not that sukuna had been ignoring you, though. there were still sleepy kisses in the morning. half-asleep cuddles at night. coffee mug swaps between meetings. the quiet, steady kind of love. but you missed him. his annoying, smug, feral ass. just a little.  

so when the bathroom door creaked open mid-bath, you didn’t even flinch. you just knew. and yep, there he was.

dragging in his entire goddamn office chair. into the fucking bathroom.

yes, a literal, high-backed, leather executive monstrosity. the one he always dramatically called ‘the only chair that respects my spine.’ he wheeled it in like he was about to conduct a strategy meeting in your bubble sanctuary. and then he parked it casually beside the sink, facing you.    

you blinked at him from your lavender-scented cocoon of suds, “what the hell, babe… are you serious right now?”

“hi, baby,” he said, already settling into the seat like this was perfectly reasonable. “i wanna spend time with you. so i brought my chair.”

“…in the bathroom?”

“yeah, got a problem with it? you’re hot. the lighting’s warm. the air smells like that purple crap you love. it’s a vibe. this is my happy place.”

you stared at him. “you brought your chair.”

“‘course I did,” he said, already opening his laptop (he fucking brought one) and clicking away like this was just another thursday. “i’m swamped. figured i could do my stupid shit and look at you. productivity. efficiency. serotonin. and dopamine. win-win.”

you squinted at him. he never used that many words to justify something unless he was spiraling. which meant that he’s fucking really drained for today – an oddity. sukuna never gets drained. he had the chaotic stamina of a toddler with an espresso machine. weird visual, but whatever. 

“you just wanted to watch me and pretend it was multitasking.” you teased.

“baby, i don’t need to pretend to watch you,” sukuna replied without shame, eyes flicking down over your shoulders, lingering for a breath too long. “i’m your husband. it’s practically in the vows.”

you groaned and slid lower into the bubbles. “you’re so annoying. you have zero concept of personal space.”

“bold of you to say when i was balls deep in you last week,” he muttered, eyes back on the laptop screen.

you rolled your eyes. “rude. that was emotional love-making, actually.”

“you cried after,” he added helpfully, with a teasing grin this time, looking at you.

“i was overstimulated and exhausted!”

“from all the love,” he said, voice dropping slightly as he winked. “you looked so fuckin’ pretty like that, by the way. all whimpery and soft. should’ve taken a photo. mental health purposes.” he then turned back to his laptop and continued doing whatever shit he was doing like he hadn’t just shattered your dignity. 

“god, you’re insufferable,” you sighed, watching him lean back and spread his legs like he owned the damn place (he does). shirtless. and just in his boxers. basically, a menace in soft lighting.

“only for you,” he said, then paused, dragging his eyes down again. his fingers slowed on the keyboard. “you always sit like that in the tub when you want me to look.”

you froze slightly. “‘kuna, i’m literally just bathing.”

“uh-huh. with your knees poking out of the bubbles like that. water dripping down your collarbone. are we pretending you’re not trying to make me fail this report?”

you stared him down. “you’ve been shirtless all day. i haven’t said a word.”

“you bit me earlier. for no reason.”

“you were walking around with a pen in your mouth like a chew toy!”

he grinned and stretched out in the chair, legs wide, muscles relaxed. “ohhh, my bad, madame la professeur. je m’excuse.” his voice dipped, teasing. “would you prefer I recite conjugations again?” 

you choked on a laugh, bubbles shifting. “no... baby, stop. i don’t wanna heart it,” you said as you covered your ears.

“sweetheart, you threatened to drown me with a beret when i said ‘voulez-vous coucher avec moi’ in class.”

“because you said it in front of the TA! and winked at me after saying that, who does that?”

“me, obviously. and now look at us,” he gestured vaguely between the two of you, “still conjugating. still undressing with language.”

“gross.”

“grammatical,” he corrected smugly.

“anyway,” you huffed, “this was supposed to be sacred alone time.”

“correction,” he said, typing, “this is now sacred us time.”

“i can’t believe this is what my marriage looks like.”

he looked up again, glasses low on his nose. hair messy from a full day of stress-yanking (not love-making). dark eyes locked onto you like you were another report he was ready to manhandle. “consider me your emotional support office chair. i’m quiet. i click keys. i’m shirtless. it’s a wellness experience, brat.”

you gave him a deadpan look. “remind me again why you’re still doing reports when you own the entire damn company?”

“because my exec team is full of morons and apparently need their daddy to babysit the fucking budget.” he muttered, his eyes back on the screen.

“… so you really say that in meetings? ‘don’t worry, daddy’s here with the spreadsheets’?”

he gave you a withering look. “baby, don’t make me come over there and show you why they call me that.”

you sat up straighter, mock-scandalized. “you are not turning my bath into a boardroom kink.”

“oh, please,” he snorted. “you’d let me reorganize your filing system if i said that it in that voice.”

 “try me,” you puffed your cheeks and threatened, “i will throw a loofah at you. and for the record, ‘kuna? this is ambush. i was having sacred time, you bulldozer.”

“and yet… you married me.”

“temporarily lost judgment.”

“five-year lapse?”

you rolled your eyes in annoyance. “shut up. you’re ridiculous.”

“correct. and in love.” he said easily, shifting the laptop onto his other lap. and you let out a soft laugh at that because you know it’s true. 

for a moment, he didn’t say anything. just watched you, still half-soaked in warm light and bubbles. his eyes lingered, not with hunger and mischief, but with something softer. like he was memorizing. or making sure you’re here.

“you good, babe?” you asked.

he blinked, like coming back from wherever his head has gone. “yep, just…” he shrugged. “you’re the best part of the day, baby. seriously though, i missed you,” he said voice quieter now, like it didn’t just knock the air out of your lungs.

you blinked and froze a little. not because he said it, but because of how soft he said it. you rolled your eyes again, but your heart was already melting. “i’ve been busy. you’ve been busy. it’s fine.”

“it’s not fine,” he said, not looking up from the screen. “i like working. but i like you more. well, love. whatever, you know.”

that... shut you up a little. for a whole minute, even. you stared at him as candlelights softened the hard lines of his face. he was typing again, brows furrowed, but his jaw was tight.

“… okay, damn. for someone who threatened brad from finance with a stapler, that’s surprisingly romantic, ‘kuna.” you said quietly.

he cracked a small smile. “brad’s an idiot. you, on the other hand, are my peace.”

you were silent for a second and sighed out relief you’ve been wanting to let out for the past week. “well, you’re a clingy little bitch.”

“only for you, baby,” he said without missing a beat. then he smirked and cocked his head, eyes sliding over your shoulder, chest, legs – all barely hidden under the bubbles. 

“also, this bath is really doing things to my productivity levels. like, negative productivity. you gonna stand up at some point or do i have to pretend i dropped something in your bathwater?” he added, clearly back to his cocky self.

you threw the loofah at him. he caught it one-handed. “you’re such a menace.”

“only for you, brat,” he repeated again, softer this time. then added, “also, your left boob’s out. always a ten out of ten.”

“get out.”

“i just got comfortable,” he grinned. “and again… i’m your husband. my perving is legally protected.”

––

a/n: lol i went thru a writing slump last month and i can't think of anything – and thank heavens i've maxxed out my scrolling that i was able to come out of that coping (from a failed subject and delayed grad) lol so here's another husband!sukuna just bc and this ain't proofread