#its a neverending cycle
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I always have such a hard time motivating myself to play TS2... but when I load up the game I always end up having a great time lol
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anytime my friend and I plan to go out together (which is like once or twice every month or two because both of us are homebody introverts) I always get them a gift and never tell them until I get in the car like "bitch I got u something" and every time they're like "Bitch how"
i always manage to have a gift no matter when we hang out, even if its on a whim and every time I baffle them with a strangely personal gift because my love language is gift giving and everytime they forget this and are surprised when I give them a gift and I personally think that's the funniest dynamic
#love language is gift giving vs forgetful ass who forgets that#their love language is words of affirmation so its even funnier#me: hey bestie i got you something#bestie: how dare you#bestie: i love you#its a neverending cycle#every time
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to me fullmetal alchemist is just about cycles.
hohenheim, 400 years ago, created the first homunculus trying to bring back his dead son. izumi curtis tried to bring back her own child. ed and al followed both their father and their mentor's footsteps and tried to bring back their mother. time and time again, it is always about love and grief, and you can never learn, because you can never stop loving. you can never stop fully giving yourself to someone and being willing to do anything to bring them back. maybe ed and al didn't know their mother would have lost something important, being brought back to life after death, but izumi and hohenheim must have, in the back of their minds, known, lost as they were to grief and uncaring for the consequences.
this show, to me, is a tragedy because it is driven by love. love turned to grief led ed and al to try and bring back a version of their mother. ed's unwavering love for al leads him across the country, leads him to doing whatever it takes to bring his brother's body back. love drives al to the same goal. this is the price we pay to love, and fma makes sure we know this, over and over. grief is the price of love. playing god, thinking you could outsmart unmovable forces, is the price we pay to love, to grieve love lost. after all, what made orpheus walk for days in the underworld only to turn back when he was within the sun's reach to make sure his lover was still there? what made him turn back, if not love? what made them all sacrifice everything, every painful part of them they had to give, simply to be able to hold the person they love again?
#this is specifically about fma 2003 bc i just finished it and only just started fmab#watch me going insane in the head about ed and al and the tragedy that follows them#sorry#tragedies that are ultimately about love#and about the fact that you can be so loved and love so fully and not only is it not enough to save you#but the very thing that makes the story a tragedy#are my kryptonite#LITERALLY has me biting glass every time#love and its neverending cycle.....#love and the thing it turns you into........#love and the way you would tear the universe apart for it without hesitation.........#fma#fma 03#fullmetal alchemist#meta#fma meta#ghost post#edward elric#alphones elric#van hohenheim#izumi curtis
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i am once again in that period where nothing i draw is coming out the way i want it 2 b
#its so FRUSTRATINGG#but like i want 2 draw but if i keep drawing ill just b more frustrated its a neverending cycle its joeverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr#life..................... is roblox... .. ...................#whatevrrrrrrrrrr idc actually#frambling...?
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me when the video game confronts you with the despairing indifference of the universe and its temptation of nihilism and that you know this story will end with your tragedy no matter what because it's happened over and over so many lifetimes and universes without fail but because of your connections to your world and its inhabitants, you still need to look after one another and try despite because you are not in this alone

#THIS IS TWO GAMES#warframe#AND#dragon's dogma#WARFRAME IS ABOUT COMPASSION FOR OTHERS AND DRAGON'S DOGMA IS ABOUT LOVING THE WORLD YOU WERE BORN IN#AND BOTH SAY THAT EVEN IF YOU'RE PULLED INTO THE WORST KIND OF NEVERENDING UNCARING HELL YOU STILL NEED TO TRY FOR YOUR AND OTHERS' SAKES#warframe's story hasn't finished yet but in dragon's dogma u broke the cycle by loving the world enough to change its dogma...
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i wanna make a maniacs moodboard to go with my others but theres literally 5 people in existence who have seen that movie
#it just so much fucking potential with its aesthetic#neverending trauma cycle of haunting and cannibalism from a horrific massacre in 1860's georgia like come onnnnn#i know the movies themselves are stupid and arguably bad but i dont know. the underlying narrative does something to me.#i can make anything meaningful#also just look at my guts and glory tag its so GOOD ☝️☝️☝️☝️#captain's log
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me when my symptoms make it difficult to eat:
me when my symptoms are worse because of not eating:
me when my symptoms continue to make it difficult to eat:
etc. etc.
#its a neverending cycle istg#cpunk#cripple punk#disability#disabled#physical disability#physically disabled#food issues#<-tagging just in case for filters
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me, idiot (knows scientifically and through personal history that this will not work): what if I stayed up all day to fix my sleep schedule? 🤔
#girl help im trapped in a neverending cycle#its not my fault i have undiagnosed and unmanaged Conditions#what is wrong with meeeee
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Maybe I should've seen it coming with the weight placed on the concept of "desire" but i really wasn't expecting dungeon meshi to turn into a full on buddhist lecture
#s#dungeon meshi#not that I'm complaining! I'm into it#but yeah the lion's explanation of how desires only lead to momentary and unsustainable happiness..#marcille being tormented by her desires...#and the way senshi's early 'it's better to do it yourself' attitude is now echoed in how instantaneous fulfilment of marcilles desires#brings her no joy#senshi being the most zen of all the characters#dunmeshi really said 'the well of your desire is literally infinite and by trying to fill it up you condemn yourself to endless torment'#and i clapped#dungeon meshi spoilers#i guess#ah!!! and the lion's eyes are a symbol of infinity.... infinite desire...#i thought it was a keyhole at first haha#hmm now that i think abt it more. part of the fundamental lore of dunmeshi is 'things that are consumed cease to exist'#with eating monsters and with eating desires. so a boundary is being drawn between temporarily fulfilling a desire (the desire comes back#and the cycle continues) and consuming a desire (the desire is gone). the former is more positive#and plays into the circle of life/finding nirvana in repeatedly fulfilling your desires thing that senshi esp has going on#the latter is portrayed negatively as it seeks to 'once and for all' fulfill something that is by its nature infinite#true fulfillment lies in accepting the neverending struggle of temporarily satisfying one's desires... one must imagine sisyphus happy.....#im literally extrapolating multiple philosophy lectures from this manga i love it#in that way you could see the lion's struggle (to satisfy an infinite desire (for others' desires)) as worthwhile!#coming back AGAIN after like ten more pages of the lion's backstory#all the trouble he caused stemmed in some way from his attempts - actually from his ABILITY - to fulfill every desire presented to him#the story seems to imply it would've been better if ppl had been allowed to struggle to fulfil their desires instead of having them granted
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they should do another link "good morning kings let's push this boulder" adventure game ala majora's mask and link's awakening tbh. been a while since we've had one
#torture the blonde man some more. as they say#okay Every game is sisyphean for link to some degree but. you know what i mean#for a character who is traditionally silent its fun to have those games to guess on what they say abt that particular link's mental state#his thoughts and feelings. especially since they're colliding with someone or something else's#i like that guy and the fact he is stuck in this neverending cycle :] may your suffering follow you to the next lifetime!#personal.txt
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I think the lords of fortune (though I haven't actually met them yet, so just guessing-) would've been a much better fit for Faust's indiana jones vibe going on. that being said , itsense for them to have tried and failed with the Veil Jumpers just because it was NOT a good fit. they're a little too much of a reckless adrenaline junkie to be working with artifacts in that kind of academic setting and never quite fit in. so me maybe choosing the wrong bg kinda works perfects with the side of fausts character that can't really find themselves a fitting home
#gave up their One home as an impulsive child and still hasnt recovered#def just goes from place to place organization to organization until their Not Belongingness gets to be too much-#-then its onto the next!#neverending cycle of adventure!!!! <- they have no idea how tired theyre becoming of this#tldr DAMN IT I PICKED THE WRONG BACKGROUND NOW I HAVE TO JUSTIFY IT#↶*ೃ✧˚. ÷ you're on the wrong side of the river ! ~ ooc
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i need to go back to classes i need it to be winter. i need to be doing my masters
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me: i wish i had more friends
me when i meet someone new: i dont like this person
#i really really wish i could be in my happy era and be one of those sunshine people who brings joy to others#but i hate people i swear its built in me 💀#i dress like im a sunshine person but im the complete opposite 😔 trying to manifest a personality change#good side of being like this is i’ve never been majorly taken advantage of#down side is literally everything else sighhhh#its worse when it comes to dating 💀#its why i have no exp in romance bcuz the second i find someone is interested in me i immediately dislike them and idk why 😭😭#bcuz why do u have a crush on me? ur cringe (then i complain about my lack of options)#i can only flirt successfully when im unaware im flirting or when i dont romantically like someone. genuinely what is wrong w/ me#is this trust issues ?#or is this aromanticism ?#neverending cycle 💀#not hp
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this is all my brain is good for anymore
#its just a neverending cycle of 'one piece one piece one piece one piece one piece one piece one piece'#psii.mp4
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Sorry, but I saw your comment about how Gepard is in that piece like Serval's shield, and I guess you mean in general how that's the role he has as the captain of the Silvermane guards and how that's the role he tried to get to get "even" with Serval due to childhood, but also... The fact that at the same time Serval is still literally his shield? That always makes me soooo ajfkabfksndjd when it comes to them and their dynamic.
DONT MAKE ME THINK ABOUT THIS IM TRYING TO COOL OFF LMAO
#answered#longagoitwastuesday#MORE REASONS TO APPRECIATE THAT ART SM you're so right though#i think i was saying something about like gepard living in serval's shadow and living up to a lot of the potential serval had left behind#but yeah also regardless of how much time has passed gepard is still very very much serval's little brother and serval still being#his shield in turn#actually if i think longer on the landaus i think im going to just go light myself on fire instead#see also thats another reason why i'm like 'so where does that leave lynx' i wanna knOW and understand more#i think i told myself this weekend im just gonna go rewatch servals companion quest and lynxs just bc this brainrots like killing me mental#but its fiiiiine its fiiiiiine we're okaaaaaay#you'd think after throwing up a lot of thoughts on them i'd shut up#i think i passed out last night talking about them#AND THEN WOKE UP TALKING ABOUT THEM AGAIN????????#girl shut the fuck up 😭😭😭#like idk there's probably no way we'll see the landau parents and that's totally fine by me#but i just wanna see and trace development between all three of the kids bc we can see how much that played into serval and gepard#but lynx. idk i feel like she just kinda went her own way and that was that#bUT I MUST DIG HARDER#anyways the tags are so barren....i need something to trap me in a neverending cycle of brainrotting destruction for them#anyways. normal day on snow's blog. what.
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u know im like 99% sure i have ocd? my old psychologist made some tests for me but also told me that i probably wouldnt be diagnosed since i dont have any compulsions (which ive now realized isnt actually true!! rumination is a compulsion!!!) and since my symptoms kinda fluctuate and i do have like long (like actually long periods when i feel like 96% alright (-> when im ok i will have intrusive thoughts but the anxiety isnt as high and im able to stop the ruminating before it even properly begins) idk if it actually counts as OCD or if im just an anxious person with some ocd-like symptoms
#ocd#idk just needed to write this out im tired of my brain#its been worse lately it always gets me during summer#i feel like when im in uni im too busy and always doing something so my brain doesnt have time for this#so its a lot easier to manage#during summers i have a lot more freetime so thats when my anxiety and all this shit just spikes#but like if i dont get this under control i know its gonna get worse#it was awful like a couple of years ago when i was literally eaten away by my obsessions and ruminating and all that shit#like literally woke up already scared and anxious#went to sleep scared and anxious#had nightmares#and it was just a neverending cycle and i dont wanna go back
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