#ive said it 10 times and ill say it again... there DOES NOT need to be a 3rd wave in that level with that short amount of time

[zaynes-left-chesticle]

YESS!! I just FINALLY just got through stage 40 of the Directional Ice trials with HIGHLY under-ranked memories courtesy of the memory pair... and beat stages 41 and 42 as well!!!

Now my next question is wHY T'F CAN I STILL NOT BEAT OPEN TRIAL STAGE 38?!?! FFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[fairytaehl]

lgief rewatch ep. 2

continuing my rewatch... i wont repeatedly explain myself every time, and ill provide links to the ones ive already done, probably wont be able to update them since i know ill have to reblog for extra commentary due to the 30img cap limit </3 the episodes will be linked to the fully reviewed ones with all reblogs.

if youd like to discuss lgief, feel free to send me asks, chats, or reply to any of these posts.

ep 1 / ep 2 / ep 3 / ep 4 pre-festival / ep 4 festival / ep 5, 5 part 2 / ep 6 / ep 7 / ep 8 / ep 9 / ep 10

guys. its such a pretty shot. its so minimal and not anything unique but capturing yao through the flowing curtains... ugh. chef's tongue kiss.

i like the juxtaposition here between yao having told him in ep 1 that he was still whining even though he claimed to be hurt, meanwhile yao is saying that in the past fight he never made it a fuss and was fine to move on with their duties, so she should be doing the same. its cute the way they bicker and care for each other. true sibling behavior.

and yes, of course, any time ziqi can mention pushing fuyi out of the picture, he sure will. though yao is right, she doesnt want to overstay their welcome, even if she does need some time to recover. also... yaos voice is so pretty during these lines. i dont know what about it, but her relaxed composure and cosmopolitan nature is just so nice.

loveeeee how he basically reveals his real reason for wanting to stay (not that it doesnt connect right back to yao, but lets be clear, he has a mystery to solve, and asking her to recover was just a coverup) and when yao wants him to elaborate he just walks away to ponder and she sips her tea. how often is he elusive like this that she just lets him speak half-truths and such?

eyes <3 dont look at me like that im shy...

only posting this because his side profile is ruining my life. blah blah jaw so sharp it could cut a man yaddayadda. its true.

im not sharing screenshots of it, but i want to comment on miaomiaos interaction with her dad following this scene. i can only imagine how much it was hurting her to see her dad again, but in this universe where, in the book, hes killed for being a corrupt official. as we see later, she would rather sacrifice herself to spare her dad. its not exactly survivors guilt because she wasnt in harms way back then, but it basically is, and i feel so much for her. she continuously says all these words of wanting him to just be safe, happy, and healthy, and i wonder how much of a burden weighs on the real life miaomiao's shoulders because of this. she felt it was her fault because if she didnt get into a fight, her dad wouldve never been called in the first place, and now all she wants is for him to live well, nagging him about his health and being the concerned daughter he deserved, since he was robbed of that. ugh, my heart... how was lin yu so cruel when she had a father like this?!

her shaking her thumb as she thumbs up is so funny and cute. she's such an excitable and hyperactive person. my adhd queen.

maybe if you didnt mention fuyi like that he wouldnt refuse to drink... but ah, getting scolded by said man is his just desserts. and yao follows suit with a silent look. hes such a chiiiildddddd.

and its so lovely how fuyi drinks yao's cup because shes injured and miaomiao is eating it up because she ships them. buuuut judging ziqi so hard for his impoliteness.

[even she was weirded tf out meme]

going to reach my photo cap soon, and im afraid this episode will require more than one reblog... final version link will be edited in here.

[wizisbored]

This is a free pass to ramble about Weird Horses as coherently and as long as desired

content warnings for: slavery, emotional manipulation, abuse

OKAY SO idk how much of this ive already said but fuck it ill say it again. ive been kinda hesitant to say too much about all this since its further in the future of the fic than id usually share and a lot of it is still undecided, but i cant really say much about where astrid is at age 15 without talking about where lydias story is going, so if you dont want 10 paces spoilers dont read this.

first off, ive decided i am folding the centaur astrid stuff into 10 paces. still ironing out some of that combination but it just comes down to the fact that im way more interested in this than where i was originally going with 10 paces.

so when lydia is around 16, beetlejuice makes a netherborne-esque Bad Financial Decision. hes gotten attatched to this filly hes been taming, and doesnt particularly want to train her to junos standards and then sell her, so instead he figures out some sort of payment plan with juno to buy her himself. unsure if beetlejuice lives on junos ranch and lydia stays there or if he lives elsewhere and shes moved, but even if she is its just to another small paddock.

beetlejuices ultimate goal is to have lydia be a bucking horse, but centaur bucking involves some acrobatics that requires training, so in the meantime to make the money to keep her beetlejuice forces her into some sort of manual labour job. currently im thinking shes hauling lumber, because that way on one end of the journey she occasionally, briefly sees her dad (now a logging horse) and on the other end ends up in a town where i can have her run into the maitlands. originally i was going to have her be a logging horse too, but i gotta get the maitlands in there.

but anyway, for a few years lydias life is mostly this unchanging blur where shes being subjected to social isolation and constant emotional manipulation from beetlejuices continued taming efforts. she trauma bonds to him hard. logically she still knows hes her captor and the one isolating and working her, but hes also the only reliable source of comfort in her day to day. cant really logic her way out of latching onto that.

when shes around 18-20, beetlejuice makes irresponsible decision 2 and for some reason i am yet to concieve of starts leaving lydia alone and unsupervised with a young stallion she gets along well with. lydia and richard have a good but short relationship before beetlejuice realises his fuckup, and by the time he seperates them shes pregnant. she and beetlejuice figure it out around the same time, she panics, he probably goes and bangs his head against a wall for letting that happen. centaurs having foals is something their captors generally try to avoid, because a baby centaur is a gangly uncordinated mess that needs a lot of feeding. basically just a 15-year money sink, from a business perspective.

centaur pregnancies last around a year, and lydias mental health doesnt exactly improve during it. then astrid is born, and lydia loves her wobbly little sentient set of legs of a child but is woefully inequipped to look after her. while astrid is young shes allowed to tag along with lydia at work, which includes when beetlejuice finally gets lydia trained for bucking and takes her to a rodeo. lydia actually finds it quite cathartic, but while lydia is bucking astrid is left alone in their holding pen backstage. the noise and bustle and not understanding where her mum went is a lot for a young foal, so she ends up with a lifelong hatred of being there that she refuses to admit is anywhere close to fear.

lydia and astrids relationship is... strained? they love each other. theres a lot of evenings looking at the stars together and lydia does her best to pass on her herds folklore and braiding traditions. when astrid is old enough, beetlejuice gives them a set of brushes so they can mutually groom. lydia has kicked beetlejuice at least once, probably more, for just approaching astrid. but as ive said, shes in no state to be raising a child alone. being in the conditions she has since age 15 means shes kinda immature, doesnt know how to interact with other centaurs, and knows nothing about looking after foals. shes still struggling to grow out of being a scared, grieving teenager. shes aware of this and has no idea how to fix it, and especially compared to her own mother feels pretty inadequete. it doesnt help that astrids coat pattern looks a lot like emilys, so that comparison is constantly staring her in the face. plus, astrid isnt exactly the easiest kid given shes in the process of being messed up by the same conditions that fucked lydia up in the first place.

they argue a fair bit, and a lot of it comes from a lack of communication. obviously lydia is hesitant to give astrid all the details of her abuse, and by the time astrid is 15 lydia still doesnt want to tell her she was the same age when this started. lydia never lied, but she left gaps that astrid filled in for herself. she assumes that lydia losing her mum and being kidnapped were years apart, and she was an adult when she was taken. she doesnt know that she was isolated and emotionally manipulated for years as a grieving teenager, and then broken down over months of training. so she sees her mothers trauma bond with their slaver and dull acceptance of dragging lumber around and wonders why she doesnt fight this. she just wants her mother to fight for them.

im not entirely sure about beetlejuice and astrids relationship. he was initially pretty annoyed by her general existance, since a centaur foal is a money sink, but once she started showing the same attitude that drew him to lydia in the first place he warmed up to her. hes been trying to raise her to be tame, which makes me think astrids relationship to him is probably less plain hatred and more the complicated feelings someone might have towards an abusive parent. an important detail that comes from this though is that being raised around demons means that astrids english comprehension is near perfect. she cant speak it, centuars mouthes and vocal cords just dont allow for it, but she understands it.

astrid has met her dad at least once, but not a lot more than that, and always by chance. beetlejuice isnt about to end up with another foal so astrid and lydia are never left in the same pen as richard, but the kid has been passed over a fence when the demons arent looking so she can hug her dad before. obviously this means her relationship with him isnt as close as in canon, but it also means she idolises him a bit. in reality richard probably wouldnt be in much of a better position to raise her than lydia, but the short bursts astrid gets with him where hes elated to see her are a lot more positive than the day to day with her mother, so its easy to build him up in her head.

so with astrid at 15 we come to the challenge i have made for myself - making jeremy interesting. this has involved removing any romantic aspects of his and astrids relationship because i do not care. hes probably a teen satyr, maybe a teen demon, making some money working backstage at a rodeo when he comes across a stressed looking centaur filly pacing around a small holding pen, waiting for her bronc mother to come back. he knows who she is, and specifically that shes captive-born. which is significant to him because hes interested in centuar linguistics in a very normal and ethical way, and most centaurs who werent exposed to english until they were teens or adults will have a notably worse grasp on it than one raised around it. astrid is unsure of him at first, but is quickly just happy to have someone her age to hang out with and is extatic when he offers to teach her to read and write. lydia taught her to read and write centaur script in mud, but neither of them are literate in english. lydia has a bad feeling about this, and astrid is annoyed that she cant just appreciate how valuable a skill this is for them. because surely jeremy has no ulterior motives right. he would never.

[bunnakit]

last twilight e3 thoughts feelings etc

so in the past ive watched the episodes and digested them and come back and rewatched to put together my thoughts but im kinda crunched for time today and have a mountain of work to do sooo i'm just gonna do this in one sitting and i'm so sorry if it's not as good or as coherent as what i usually deliver aaa. it's also going to be a bit longer than normal probably but i'll try to cut down on stuff that seems unnecessary or maybe just too obvious to comment on.

OH ITS STILL REALLY LONG EVEN WITH EDITING I'M SO SORRY.

oh them being playful with each other is everything to me. oh my god and Mhok learned, he listened to Porjai and he learned to organize and clean and do things with Day as an active participant so he knows where everything is and is taking control of his own life. oh we're only 3 minutes in and i'm emotional, okay.

i do love that we get to see the way Day has isolated himself and that while his family haven't helped there's also a large part of it that is his doing. ive said it before but when you're newly disabled it can be so so easy to isolate yourself. hell, i've been diagnosed for almost 10 years and i still do it from time to time as my condition worsens because it's hard. there are so many questions you have to answer, there's the anxiety of not knowing if people are going to be accommodating to your needs, and sometimes it takes twice or even three times the energy it used to take before because every action is a little harder now. it can be terrifying to put yourself out there again and you will lose friends in the process. there will be people that don't understand, that find you to be an inconvenience, that won't make accommodations for you, and it will hurt every time but saying goodbye to those people is always ultimately for the better - but it doesn't make it hurt less. as much as i'd love the realism of it, i hope we don't have to see Day go through that.

Day's story about his friend is interesting, too. he says he doesn't want to be pitied by his friends but the thing is. they just did that, they accommodated their friend, and from the sound of it they did it without judgement. so why couldn't it be the same for him? it just shows more of his anxiety and his fear.

"i felt like my life was worthless. all i saw in people's eyes was insult."

screaming. crying. throwing up. i don't need to say anything about this but i thought you all should know it made me ill.

"once i'm ready you'll be the first to get my invitation card." Porjai and Mhok's friendship means so so fucking much to me.

here's the thing, my best friend and i dated in high school, we were 16 and fucking stupid and toxic and our home lives were shit and we took it out on each other and we made each other fucking miserable by the end of things. we didn't talk again for over five years. it took time to come back together, to heal and accept our own faults in what went wrong. we stumbled here and there as we came back together but now? almost 10 years later i don't know what i'd do without him. that's my platonic soulmate, that's the one person besides my husband i can share anything with. fuck, he knows more about my life than my husband does because he was there to see me at my worst, at the scariest point in my life where i almost wasn't around anymore to see tomorrow. that kind of friendship is so fucking special, i cannot even properly put it into words, and for Mhok to keep that? to have that with Porjai? i'm so fucking glad he has that. i'm so glad he got to keep his platonic soulmate.

small aside, i love that Mhok consistently announces himself to Day. it's a little action but it's so considerate. he's honestly doing such an incredible job.

Day puts his sunglasses on like armor; like they can shield him from the judging stares or looks of pity he can't see. maybe someday he won't need them, not because his heart has hardened to take the blows, but maybe because he knows Mhok is by his side. because remember - it's the way they look at us.

"i heard you wanted to take time off and focus on badminton" Night i'm going to drown you in your own toilet. this is just furthering my thoughts from episode 2 that Night is ashamed of his brother and his condition, or perhaps that the family is trying to hide his condition for some fucking stupid reason.

the bravery it took Day to come here and admit whats happening to his is huge, but i'm also in love with the admissions admin saying sure, you can have time off, but you're not allowed to quit. you're not allowed to give up on yourself.

"we must live with hope, Day" and that's it. you have to. you just have to. every day is going to be so hard and so much, you'll have good and bad days, but at least in all those days you'll have hope. and maybe someday that hope won't be for new eyes. maybe that hope will turn into acceptance, into determination, into pride at what you've accomplished in spite of it all. in my opinion, hope is an amazing fuel but it's not sustainable, it's just a vehicle to get you to where you need to be.

Mhok asking a blind man for a tour, oh fuck fuck fuckfuckufkcufk-- Mhok essentially saying show me your world exactly as you remember it, let me in. see how things have changed and how they've remained the same and do it with me by your side.

THE WAY MHOK SHIELDS HIM AT THE LIBRARY. DAY DOESN'T NEED TO WEAR HIS SUNGLASSES LIKE ARMOR BECAUSE MHOK IS BY HIS SIDE AS HIS SHIELD. chewing my own arm off brb.

"and you also have me. nothing to be afraid of" because i will always shield you, i will always protect you, i will stand by your side AAAA--

on part 3/4 now, i promise i'll shut the fuck up soon. if you've read this far pls take this as a smooch checkpoint, i'm giving you a little forehead smooch. have you had any water today? taken your meds? relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw.

ok back to it - Mhok continuously having Day make his own selections in these various machines. Day's fate is in his hands, he can do these things himself, but Mhok will be there with him the whole way.

"my eyes don't work well but my legs do just fine." this is such a massive leap from the man that wouldn't even leave his bedroom, from the man that was suffocating in his environment. Day is no longer a dying man, a shambling corpse. he is an active participant in his own life again.

"stay close to me, that's all i need" bitch i'm gonna throw up, you can't just hit me with that after that's all i've been saying this whole time what the fuck.

OH FUCK ME. okay. alright. hang on. so when they enter the shop Mhok describes it to Day, explains where the jeans are, where the shirts are, asks him what to do and what he wants to take a look at. this is a direct antithesis of Night in episode 1 asking where Day was going to wait for him, where he could leave him so he could get his shit done. Day isn't being asked to wait, to just sit idle while life passes him by, he's being asked what he wants to do, where he wants to go, what he wants to see. FUUUUUCK. and knowing Mhok is doing this because Day expressed that he liked dressing nicely? how the fuck am i supposed to just go to my job like a normal person after this episode.

wow the shirt buttoning scene just made me so mentally ill. right now, Mhok is doing his job. he's helping Day get dressed. but someday? someday this could be Mhok dressing Day not because he needs him to help but simply because Mhok likes doing to for Day. there's the sensuality of caring for your partner, of running your hands over the planes of their shoulders, of skimming your fingers down their chest to pluck every button. it's an exploration and a declaration of love. if we get this again in a future scene and it's something like that please remember me fondly because i will perish.

at the bookstore Mhok recognizing Day doesn't want to wait, but Day has become so accustomed to the other people in his life telling him what to do that he falls back into that behavior - but Mhok doesn't let him. he prioritizes Day's needs and desires, even if it's something as little as finding a book, without being asked.

THE LAST PAGE IS MISSING.

(because one can't see his future and the other can't see in the future, but also because they'll make their own ending, they'll face that when they get there, but they'll do it together -- what if i lost my shit completely of it?)

when Mhok leaves Day to get him a drink the camera is focused on Day and the clear warring emotions on his face but if you look in the background Mhok hesitates, he stops and turns a few times to look at day. he's reluctant to leave him and worried. Mhok worries so much but it's always so understated or in the background, covered by the emotions of others he values above himself. (or overlooked because of 'what type of person he is')

while its anxiety inducing i do enjoy this regression of behavior because adapting to a new life is hard. you will regress, you will stumble, you will fall into old habits or sometimes old fears will return. its what you do after that that is important. the one thing i hope doesn't happen is i hope this doesn't cause a rift with Porjai. i think Mhok needs her right now, maybe not forever, but definitely right now.

HE PUT ON THE FUCKING SHIRT. THE FUCKING SHIRT DAY COULD SEE FROM MARS. OH MY GOD. i know this doesn't need to be commented on, i know it's obvious, but FUUUUCK.

Day's mom trying to weaponize Mhok's past and Mhok taking the ammunition from her hands and telling Day himself. the acceptance of the past and the determination to move on and grow from it. Day's refusal to let the past repeat itself with a new caretaker. whoo boy.

and again Day wants to see Mhok, because even bruised and battered Mhok is worth seeing.

if the last episode ends with "sweet dreams/good night" i will be burying myself alive, thanks.

THE PINK SHIRT RUINING HIS BAD BOY IMAGE BECAUSE IT IS BEING RUINED. HE'S MOVING ON, HE'S GROWING, HE'S BECOMING A NEW PERSON. FUCK OFF.

i'm so so sorry this was so long, every episode makes me feel more and more things and makes me analyze shit more and more.

tagging @benkaaoi and @callipigio as requested (if you want to be added to my last twilight meta tag list just let me know!)

[monalovesstarsz]

Maybe we could

Genre: Non idol au and idk what else to say 😭

Pairings: Shy sick sunghoonxchronic illness shy y/n (I clearly don't know how to do this)

Summary: Y/n starts to spend a lot of time in a hospital due to her health and its super lonely until she meets sunghoon and they agree to try their best to live as regular teens.

Warnings: uhh I'm not totally sure but illnesses, thoughts of death, hospitals, depression, mentions of death (probably)

Not proof read 🙈

Chapter 2

"Uhm uh-Hi Sunghoon!"

'shit' you mentally cursed. You have never met him ever but you just said you just said his name. Why would you say his name oh my gosh!!! No way no way you had just messed up so hard. Had he known you had been following him all this time? No right? You're thoughts were interrupted by his voice

"Uhm hi it seems like you were struggling with that ?" His index finger pointed to your wheelchair. You knew he was tall but this was the first time you saw him standing up. He had always he sitting in his chair. As bad as it sounds you didn't think he could walk.

"Ohh yeah I um haven't really mastered how to use a wheelchair, My nurse wants me to learn how to use one on my own but I'm kinda tired so" you ended your sentence with a shrug.

"Ohh I can take you back to your room if you want." He smiled awkwardly again.

"Oh no you don't have to it's okay!!"

"No it's fine I insist"

"Okay thanks."

"So uh how did you know my name?"

So close. You were so close to your room. You almost made it before he had asked that question. Quick come up with something and excuse anything!

"Oh I-uh I well.. Oh! Giselle is my nurse and she something about mentioned you!!" Not smooth at all but it was okay he seemed like he believed you.

"Ohh she was one of my nurses but what did she say?"

'shit'

"Oh uhm she said that you and I were alike because we're both shy!" Not smooth once again but he believed you once again.

"Oh she told you that? I guess I can be sorta shy sometimes."

After he said that you guys had made it to your room.

"Uhm thanks for taking me back to my room oh and sorry for bumping into you earlier."

"Yeah it was no problem I don't have much to do anyway, and don't worry about earlier I couldn't get it at first either. Oh and I never asked your name?"

"Oh I'm y/n! And uh if you're as bored as me would you like to hangout with me in my room?" You don't know how you got the balls to ask him that but you did and you didn't question it. If he rejected your hangout you would switch hospitals for sure though.

"Yes I would like that haha" he showed off his smile and this time it wasn't an awkward one.

"So how old are you? You don't look older any older than me?" Asked sunghoon after sitting on the couch that was attached to the wall under your window.

"mhm? Oh I turned 16 this this year what about you?"

"Ohh we're both 16! But I'm about to turn 17 so I'm your elder." He giggled and teased you.

"Yeah yeah but we're the same age so it doesn't really count" you shrugged

"I'm still your elder though so yes it does."

"Okay fine" you said while you teasingly rolled your eyes

"If you want I can try to teach you how to maneuver a wheelchair. I didn't get it at first either and it gets pretty tiring."

"Oh yeah you should please I really need it."

"I could tell."

You shove him jokingly and rolled around in your wheelchair.

"I can drive it but I just can't turn that well."

"Oh that's tricky but I can show you how to later."

"deal!"

"How long have you been here Y/n?"

"Ohh it's been about three or four weeks, but I'm supposed to stay for awhile. What about you?" You saw sunghoons eyes gleamed as you said that.

"Oh I've been here for about almost 7 years. I moved here from south Korea when I was about 10 years old"

"mmm so you've been here for awhile then"

"yeah but back then I wasn't always spending most of my time here.I was a figure skater and im pretty good at it too!"

"Wowww an actual figure skater? Ive never met one before!! That's literally so cool dude you have to teach me some time!"

"Okay okay sure bro" he said the last word teasingly and you couldn't help but let a little laugh out.

"But only if you teach me how to draw as well as you." You figured he had seen your drawing book that was on your bed and the page was flipped onto your last drawing which was of two butterflies flying around together.

"Okay sure dude!" You had emphasized the last word.

You guys talked for two whole hours after that and about the most random things. You guys shared a lot in common but we're two completely different people. After that you heard a knock on your door

"Come in." You yelled quietly.

Gisellse walked in with a tray of really really bad hospital food.

"Hey Y/n it's time for dinner- Oh Heyy sunghoon!" She winked at you. 'Finally' she thought

"Oh yeah it's already 6" You said kinda sad knowing sunghoon would have to leave soon

"Oh I should probably get going now but remember our deal okay?"

"Yeah I will! I'll walk you to the elevator then."

"Hey y/n you know what Mr.lee said. You have to use your wheelchair,try to get used to it." Gisellse mostly said that so she could see you two interact. She was so curious about it. She honestly thought you two would be great friends but you both would be super duper awkward at least at first. Oh boy was she wrong. You both kinda clicked I mean it was kinda awkward at times but both of you didn't mind.

"We should hangout tomorrow again then" Sunghoon said excitedly walking into the elevator while Giselle wheeled you right in front of the elevator.

"Oh then where should we meet and what time?"

"Mhmm what about 2:30?" He said while opening your rooms door. He had a mischievous look on his face. Odd

"Sure but where?"

"I think you already know where I'll be around 2:30 you follow me like everyday y/n." He said it with a mischievous smirk as the elevator doors were about to close.

"WHAT??" You and Giselle in perfect unison.

w⁠(⁠°⁠ｏ⁠°⁠)⁠w

[x-neurotoxin-x]

I know in some bnha abo fics, Dabi hides his alignment to not be seen as weak. His scent gland is often burnt up, too, so it's hard to tell. Will this be the case in your fic? I can see Shig or afo requiring everyone to be honest about it, though, for ~pack compatibility reasons~ or smth

I'm torn on this bc ive seen this hc before with Dabi hiding his alignment, taking suppressants, etc and I do like it, but at the same time I've seen it a lot and I'm kinda interested in exploring an idea where, by the time Dabi joins the league, he just genuinely doesn't give a fuck that he's an omega and ppl can tell he's an omega. So here's some, like, hcs I'm thinking about including;

Was self conscious about his alignment at first, esp when still at home bc Enji wanted an alpha as his masterpiece so once Touya presented as an omega it was basically a done deal Enji was gonna give up on him + the Todoroki family and both sides of Enji and Rei's families have a lot of stereotypical "traditional" viewpoints on alignments, so Touya was treated differently than his siblings for being an omega

Def think while on his own on the street he tried to hide his alignment because he was afraid alphas would target him but things like scent patches, suppressants, etc were real hard to get his hands on bc he's a homeless street kid and doesnt have resources.

Bonus if in society mated omegas need their alpha's premission to get things like heat suppressants, birth control, scent patches, etc. And like, bc Touya's been claimed he had an even harder time getting stuff legit bc he needs his alpha to sign off so he couldn't really get anything unless he went to like shady back alley dealers

I do think Dabi try to get heat suppressants when he could mainly bc heats would be really hard on his body and mental state because of his burns/chronic pain and illness/etc as well as bc he's bonded with an alpha but can't be with his alpha during his heats.

His heats are, like, agonizingly unbearable awful horrible he wishes he was dead levels of really bad

So, like. He doesn't really have access to resources like that and after a while of jumping through hoops and struggling he just said "fuck it" and stopped bothering to try to hide that he was an omega

I also like the idea that what enji did worked to a degree. Betas and weaker alphas can tell Touya's been claimed, and they can tell the alpha that mated him is really strong, so unless they're stupid, as strong as endeavor, or a prime alpha, 9 times out of 10 they won't take the risk of doing anything to Touya incase his alpha were to show up. Makes Touya more fucked up in the head too bc then, in his mind, his Dad was right to do what he did and it was an attempt to protect him

That does however mean it didn't deter afo since afo is a prime alpha, and he probably kidnapped him afterwards anyways. So at the end of the day, it didn't really protect him.

Afo probably threw some patronizing shit at Touya too when he woke up from the coma like "oh gosh, you poor little thing, your daddy claimed you bc another alpha touched you? What an insecure alpha, id never do such a thing" (he would)

Also slightly off topic but i do think afo and possibly Tomura and Kurogiri would require to know the league's alignments when they join, mainly bc afo and Tomura are both alphas and afo doesn't want another alpha in the group thatd try and challenge his or Tomura's leader position, Kurogiri would wanna know for the same reason + being protective of Tomura. So i think even if Touya did want to hide his alignment, in order to join he'd have to disclose he's an omega or lie about being a beta or something

But again i kinda like the idea of Dabi hitting a point where he's like "yeah, fuck it, I am an omega and i don't care what you have to say to that" esp if he suffers a lot of discrimination for being an omega for a while and just gets sick of getting kicked around

if anything likes picking fights with alphas and being defiant to rub it in their faces that he's an omega and they can't control him.

[cuppatealover]

reasons why i think my parents pissed off a fairy before i was born (why i think im cursed)

cursed pieces of media always seem to find me

im not exaggerating when i say ive seen more than my fair share of fucked up stuff. it always seems to land on my cellular device or my piece of paper. ill be simply enjoying a show or consuming a book as one does and the most heinous thing will happen and ill be expected to just carry on. and now i do just that, i keep calm and carry on. more specifically theres one topic that seems to pop up a lot (tw!!) incest.....now now you may be thinking "what!? incest....id drop whatever it was and go reconnect with nature...weirdo" now now lets not jump to conclusions, 9/10 that movie/book/manga/whatever is actually really good (the other 1/10 lands you in therapy) and the incest or whatever never progresses the plot at all, but is a big enough plotwist to give me whiplash. and dont you worry, ive got an example. last year, i needed a book so i went to my schools library with a friend. about 10 mins of searching resulted in no book i felt inclined to read....until my friend gasps, a book in her hands..."Shadowhunters"?? i had never heard of it but apparently it was a big part of her childhood, something that soothed the gaping hole Twilight left...okay ill read i said. reading the first few chapters was great, i could practically smell an enemies to lovers and the big mystery of who and where mc's brother is was lingering in the back, my type of book i thought happily. little did i know....mc and ml were infact revealed to be siblings......i dropped my book. i had already thought it was weird that ml's adoptive brother had a crush on him but that gets crushed quick and now this...? now you may be thinking isnt it illegal or sum to promote incest..? and yes u are right, so you can imagine my deep sense of relief i felt when mc and ml were infact not related... because i didnt know how much more i could take of the ml yearning for his literal sister..(he was relentless...). but it doesnt stop there, for all you sickos out there, the author still managed to weasel some incest in. when the ml and mc are still believed to be siblings by them and everyone, another ml enters, this boy is perfect, maybe even a better fit for mc, girl is feeling it too. turns out this second guy is none other than.....her brother !! shocked you didnt it...(hes completely sick and knows the entire time....he wants his sister). but dont worry guys other than that, Shadowhunters is really good, character development? chefs kiss. i luv isabelle.

all my pens perish

im not exaggerating when i say i probably go through 6 pens a week, either they explode in my school blazer, completely new pens dry out in my pencil case, snap or most common cause, i lose them. i try pencil and the lead snaps in the middle so now matter how much i sharpen it, it will never be useful again. this is a cry for help, any stationary reccs??

i lose everything all the time

would you believe me if i said ive lost my keys a total of 5 times this year? well dont. because ive lost them 7 times and only 3 of the times have they been returned. im a regular at the keymaker.... how many of you can you say that??? i hope none, i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. i think this 'losing stuff' thing ties in rather nicely into my fish memory too, im pretty convinced ive got a rare amnesia that hasnt been discovered yet. its almost impossible, scratch that, it is impossible for me to remember everything for school the next day, ill always forget at least one thing. my friends will try referencing a supposedly funny/memorable thing that happened and ill just stare. theyll stare back and then do everything in their power to try to make me remember...nothing works.

my friends always have the same crushes as me

you may be thinking, well thats kind of normal for a group of girls that hang around eachother to have the same taste in people and i i thought so too, until it was such a regular thing i just stopped telling them about my crushes. i do have a story, start scene-its the end of a history lesson and im really happy, its been good lesson and i love history. im abit tired because its P5, the end of the day, for that reason, im lagging just a little, i leave my book usually at school because ive got two and my bag doesnt need any added weight . as im packing, a boy, a desk away from mine, walks over and takes my book to the cabinet, some thing he really did not need to do. and i don't know why but i guess im attracted to people being nice, even if it was just a decent human being doing just decent things... the next day, i realise i do want this boy, sadly. i had noticed him before, hes the kind of pretty that doesnt need to exist in a boy but if it does, he unfortunately becomes an object of envy. long lashes, blonde hair, droopy kinda eyes that make him look sleepy all the time. we had just never talked, seeing as we never had reason to. the next day, in a maths lesson, my friend says, "hey don't you think so and so is cute..." as shocked as i was, partly because this friend had been gushing about a different boy an hour ago and partly because it had happened again, i think i played the "really? maybe if i squint really hard he's meh" role really well....long story short, they're dating now....

now youve read my reasoning, there are more...but i just cant remember, i just know you see what i mean. my parents deffo pissed off some magical being and in return it cursed their firstborn daughter.

xoxo

A

ps: this is actually my second time re writing this because i accidentally deleted but the world just needed to know...ty for reading to the end <3

[chenyuvale]

Okay so I’m a pretty okayish genshin fan, like I know some of the lore and that stuff, plus some of the characters which is why I’m confused on some of your ships, like Kaeya and Diluc, Albedo and Freminette and collei and yun jin. Mainly due to kaeya and Diluc being brothers in game, even referring to themselves as such multiple times, freminette is very much (at least hinted at) to be a child and albedo is obviously rather older than him, same with collei and yun jin, there may be more but I wasn’t able to see all of them on your chart.

ahhh the fun explanations ! ill try to explain as nicely as possible but if i sound mean at any point thats bc ive gotten these kinds of questions in not so nice ways so im used to responding not so kindly apologies in advance (LOTS of text ahead, sorry)

there are No Canon Exact Ages in genshin, no direct "hey this character is a Child!" other than the actual children models (klee, diona dori, even dori could be the trope of short old woman actually bc she does not talk like a child and klee is an Elf Thing who ages differently but this isn't abt them) the absolute closest we get to guessing someones age is diluc and ayato, diluc because his timeline of when he was in the knights(like 10), when the fight with kaeya happened(18) and when he got back(3-4 years after), we can estimate he is 21-22, mostly because we dont know just how many years he was on that break; and then it was said somewhere in ayato story description hes implied to be in his early to late 30s? if i remember correctly? ill have to fact check that myself again later

absolutely none of the "" teenage"" models have any exact age that actually sets them in the "minor" category; and genshin does this on purpose, they want the ages to be ambiguous so any character can be sexualized because they know nsfw work of thier characters Sells The Game to new people.

i never want to bash anyone for thier headcanons,to each his own; but because we have no canon ages to the fanon teen characters at the youngest they're all 18 to me, yes even collei and mika and those who are "" minor coded" they're young adults to me

frankly im sick and tired of the fandom treating fanon As Canon when its not at all like that 😔

now as for the kaeya/diluc stuff, this requires a biiit more explanation;

when i first started playing genshin and noticed thier dynamic, it felt familiar to another ship dynamic i was just obsessed with, i spotted the signs and started calling them exes from there, then i looked into fandom content and learned that the adopted brothers thing is a mistranslation, and in the cn text of the game they are referred to as sworn brothers which is a popular cn trope to hide homosexual relationships in cn media ; yes theres an argument to be made of "well if it was a mistranslation why haven't they fixed it yet" maybe they dont want to, for further censorship or maybe they prefer two versions of the relationship

dear anon id like you to read the genshin webtoon, where kaeya says how i think thier relationship is best interpreted; "diluc and i are like brothers" and later on diluc responds even with 'i am not your brother' i dont remember word for word

so as stated before i am not here to bash anyones takes; hell im not even fully on the "kaeluc side" myself i see them as exes who are too important to each other to leave each other entirely, but im not gonna tell that to the ragbros believers

they all have their own takes and i have mine, if you ever disagree thats okay and im never going to force you to view the relationships the same as i do; thats Boring!! we need to have different takes and different ideas otherwise we're clones of each other and thats never fun imo

[arthropooda]

My breathing is getting worse again. This will be the fifth antibiotic resistance I've had. It's by far worse than any bronchitis I've ever heard of. They said I don't have pneumonia anymore but almost all my symptoms are the same severity, and it's in both lungs now.

I can't sleep because I can't stop coughing and internally it sounds like a Geiger counter. I'm just really scared. I'm on 10+ prescriptions. I'm sure all of this is related to having covid in September because I have never before been a fraction of this ill ever in my life. I wear a mask virtually everywhere but finally caught covid doing odd jobs and errands for a wealthy person who did not wear a mask. I've felt weaker ever since that happened but really could not afford to slow down or take a break to get better. I couldn't even rest enough while actually having covid because I was living with a denier and my spouse would not let me come to our house during that time. I did at least get to take paxlovid but was pretty much forced to be active during that time and immediately go back to work after.

Then, a month later, I got extremely ill from a cold my coworker had. I went to urgent care for high fever but because I went during one of the only breaks in the actual fever, I was given nothing for it and it kept coming back until I had pneumonia.

Then, I went to a university hospital where I feel more mistakes were made, like giving me something too weak for too short a time, giving me antibiotics through a bad iv, and not releasing me with any oral antibiotic. They also would not let me have my blood pressure medication so I had extremely high blood pressure the whole time I was there (also a problem I did not have before covid).

Now I have two inhalers and a home nebulizer. Sometimes I feel like I just pass out from not having enough oxygen. It feels like physically moving my lungs to breathe is difficult, even beyond oxygen saturation. I have been to a marginally better hospital, but it takes longer to get to and I know if the ER were busy it would probably be as bad as the university one. I have an appointment with a specialist on boxing day, which was the soonest I could get since this started, even after being admitted (the university hospital made me an appointment for the end of January and I've been back in the ER twice since then). I don't know if I can even wait for five more days. Since the first time I went to the ER I haven't been out of the hospital for as long as a week without then feeling worse and needing to go back even more urgently. Based on all of this, I will probably have to go back by Saturday.

I know there are lots of stories like mine but I just wanted to make a longer post about it in case I feel too badly to do it later.

Cautionary advice:

wear your mask; only take it off if you are specifically willing to get sick from the environment/activity you're engaging in.

If you have persistent high fever, do not lie on your side if you are crying, laughing, or congested; this can easily cause an infection to spread to the lung on the side you're lying on. Also, if you already have an infection of that severity, don't even lean to one side while laughing or crying because that can make it suddenly worse and further spread the infection. I just feel like I need to include this because it can happen so easily.

Everyone probably knows this but if you have a busted vein, do not use an iv on the same vein, even if medical staff say it doesn't matter. It does matter, and getting an infusion that just leaks out of a busted vein instead of actually circulating intravenously will not have the same effect and will cause complications.

If you have antibiotic resistance and you get iv antibiotics and then leave the facility before you're in good health, you need to go home with oral antibiotics. Really this is probably a good idea even without prior antibiotic resistance since an incomplete course just makes resistance more likely.

[robotnuts]

im so glad u watched 19 bc i truly have soooo many thoughts on like theres so much potential & really good scenes there but so many misses. the tex part is easily the best part of it though i still cant believe it actually happened. i kinda wish sarge's death was off screen like you see them watch him die but give him no final words sort of deal... i feel like it wouldve been a better plot device rather than the longer scene if sarge saying what he's feeling as he dies. sorry i keep thinking about that its my main thing i wouldve changed. well that and putting wash back in prison instead of a mental facility because i think a prison break with untreated mental illness couldve done more than ....... whatever the hell the wash scenes were. restoration is easily the best set up for fanwork ive seen in a while tho NGL the meta tucker concept is soooo fun i wish it got explored more. sorry im rambling in ur askbox now LOL

YESSS sorry for the late response. im glad rvb restoration dropped hwen it did so ic ould watch it irl with my girlfriend but it did happen to be during the most busy month of my year so obviously my blogging has been completely slacking. i really love this final line that apparently sarge was going to say. i think its more sweet and poetic than him spelling out how hes feeling about simmons and grif in particular

no yeah my biggest issue is just like. this felt like a vehicle for like, meta scenes saying goodbye to the reds and the blues, but the actual like "plot" of the season didnt really have any time to develop and had to just be quick weird scenes that were just kind of tonally dissonant and not really polished or treated with the same kind of care and deftness he was able to handle mixing the humor and plot elements of the recollections trilogy. both due to the runtime, him being out of the game for so long, and needing to do a full plot in one season instead of three. it really felt bare bones. which is fine it's just like, obviously you can see that its not the best, and i feel like if it was going to just be a vehicle for sappy goodbye to rvb as a property scenes i wish it had just gone all in and given us more interactions between the different characters. idk. im not really sure how id fix it aside from just having my own completely differnet version of their future in my head but ive already kind of written that post out for my post chorus vision lmao. dumpster baby forever...

META TUCKER IS REALLY FUN AND I COULDNT BE TOO MAD AT IT because it was literally a type of concept that epsilontucker riffed on after the open ended s13 (oh my god rip epsilontucker i think im gonna be sick). but his scenes again felt pretty jarring nad just put in there to keep the season moving and wahh why did they torture him for 10 fucking years ahhh scary AHHH. yeah, now that you said it it really does feel like. the bare bones of an incredible 250k word fanfic written by someone who has a different more serious tone than the original series like, put my guns in the ground style, moreso than an rvb season LMFAO but that's fine if anyones still in the fandom and cares to do that i'd love to see it. idk. im rambling. it was a good fun stream and i liked individual scenes but it was definitely all over the place for me

[seethingvortex]

hiiii i figured now's a good time to make a pinned post

im ryker, but once upon a time like 10 years ago i was @/toki-draws aka moderface

i follow from @waynekiller and my main art blog is @thundahouse , i only post OCs over there, MTL is the only fandom i am active in

my pinned got kind of long oh well it's going under the cut

im now 23 y/o and back again, army of the doomstar hype got to me

im also trans (he/him), bi, white/tsalagi o7 so my blog is def gonna be full of indigenous nathan headcanons i live and breath that shit. i do have Mento Illnesses but I'm not gonna list them, you'll have to use context clues

despite loving MTL & dethklok & brendon small's work in general i am sometimes pretty critical of the show so . especially with it's treatment (and lack thereof) of black/brown & female characters. i do still love the show but it does sometimes annoy me. the way i engage with most media is through analysis and critique, if that makes you uncomfortable then you don't have to hang out, it's ok

general DNI - bigots of course, as well as any pro ship people, these are instant blocks. im really just here to have fun, i'm not here to make waves or anything. of course since there are a lot of crossovers in different adult swim fandoms, DNI if you like south park

i dont really think i have a specific DNI in regards to the MTL fandom. <- scratch that lol, now i have to make a big directory

----

MTL DNI / SHIPPING / HC

if you hate Abigail DNI. i can understand hating how she's written, i also hate how she's written and the fact that she was basically only a learning tool for nathan/only used to cause drama between him and pickles. i will always declare this as a misogynistic writing trope (because it is) and her character got done really dirty (because she did) and ill drum up a big fuss about it every chance i get lol. i can also understand disliking her character, it's whatever, she's not for everyone, especially considering how bland she ended up. but if you hate her and constantly trash her like it's her fault she got written badly, i won't engage with you. Brendon truly fucked me up giving fandom misogynists and fujoshis a black woman for fodder

same thing goes for Magnus, if you absolutely hate him and trash him DNI

----

if you sexualize Toki's age regression DNI. if you ship Toki with Rockzo DNI. i'm dubious on MagTok, but it doesn't appear to be that popular these days anyway

i headcanon Nathan as being Miccosukee & pickles as being trans. these are really the only constant & recurring headcanons i have, otherwise im open to a bunch of stuff

the only constant romantic ship i have is Nickles, they are truly It for me. as far as the rest of the band goes, i prefer a family dynamic for them. you won't really find any romantic Skwistok, Skwisface, Murdertooth, or any other ships with Nathan or Pickles here. that being said, if you ship all of them or mix n match them up that's okay 👍👍👍👍

nathan fictive (fiction kin? other hearted? i don't know the difference, he's the only character ive ever "kinned")👍 i originally wasn't going to say anything but everyone seems to be pretty open here so (cartoon slide whistle noise). you can also just call me Nate or Nathan, that's okay 👍

i am a-ok with doubles & i don't have any current canonmates 👍

if there are any MTL discord servers out there i might be interested, they don't necessarily have to be fictive or kin related i just cant stop talking about this show & i need a place to inflict my thoughts on people. i am however extremely wishy washy when it comes to meeting new people and i might flake out so. tell me or don't tell me, let the tide decide

[qumiiiquinnquin]

its almost going to be 10 years since i was sa’ed. and im still trying to find a justification for it and trying to figure out who really was to blame.

did i ask for it? i remember being a bit daring because i thought he was bluffing. but it happened. and i remember a lot of it vividly. some of it feels like the blurriness of a dream.

im still trying to understand. but im only understanding nothing. he insulted every other girl in that cul-de-sac. he insulted my sibling and called them ugly. he made dirty jokes a lot. but he called me beautiful. and on the day , he made a bet with me. if i performed the act he requested , he would give me candy or money. i dont remember which it was. during the incident , he still called me beautiful , and called me baby.

sa is a criminal act. you can go to jail for it. but he was 12 or 13. i do not know if a kid so young who did it to a 10 year old girl would have gotten in trouble. i had no proof myself to present to anyone. and i laughed off a friend at the time who told me i need to talk to someone.

ive said his name , but it may have come off as like a name of endearment. especially regarding my comments of how i cant exactly let him go , even though i have an indescribable hatred of him. his name was angel. i hate that i still remember that , even after all these years.

the incident has only left me thinking for the past year or so to just give my body up for others pleasures. i think that's all im worth. ive been gr00med as well , by adults online. and i will not be surprised when i get four letter r worded one day. im expecting it.

i cant let myself fall in love because im afraid to encounter someone like him again. i want to be loved , not used.

it feels so paralyzing. each time i think about it my freeze response is triggered. each time i want to say something about it , it feels like i lose my ability to speak or type. the flashbacks have been terrifying. i cant escape it. the memories lead to shaking and feeling very hot and embarrassed , and his touch comes back. there's no possible way to distract myself anymore from the memories and flashbacks. i got up to get cantaloupe not long after thoughts came on tonight to just eat and forget about the incident , but it does not taste like much now. and its not blocking out the taste of the french kiss you forced upon me 8 years ago , as well as biting my tongue. even though he did not...have i word with me nor did he four letter r word me , if i did not escape i know it would have happened. and i beat myself up relentlessly lately for escaping. i tell myself i should have stayed and made him happy. after all , i agreed. though i did not really know what he meant. and i thought it was a joke. until he had taken my hand and led me to the small foresty area of the cul-de-sac , and your friend tagged along. he watched as everything happened. i remember very vividly that you and him were making jokes and laughing at my under clothes , and you stopped and started being sweet with me and calling me affectionate names when you saw i almost burst into tears.

and you got off somewhat free. i havent told too many people at all. the first time i said it aloud to my psychiatrist , my voice shook so bad that you would think i was about to start sobbing. even though i laughed it off like usual. and even though what you did was a crime , there'd be no way for me to report you now. all that happened to my knowledge was that one kid’s mom thought you had done it to her daughter , not me

since it will be the tenth anniversary in two years , i may make a cake with something like “congrats! you survived ten years :)” written on it in frosting. i dont recall the exact day or even month that it happened. or time of year either. so i think ill just celebrate myself in late november of 2026.

i wish i could go back to the 5-year period of my life where i had completely forgotten about what you had done to me, Angel.

[s0lar-ch3ri]

i consider it human decency

like the idea of "explaining the joke makes it unfunny" is not only subjectively false, but bullies those who *want* or even *need* that explaination

sometimes it allows you to learn cool shit, other times you can get someone else to laugh along

there is no bad side to explaining a joke! explain them for people who dont get it! repeating the joke doesnt make it make sense and if you refuse to let your friends in on a joke, your an asshole (minus if its like a personal joke or one you wanna keep the context of between a certain group, that i get, but like sharing it online? thats not an inside joke there buddy)

now that ive covered the part of "explaining jokes is very good" lets talk on why explaining it commonly makes it more funny

number one is obvious but hey. you let someone understand the joke. like i put in parentheses earlier but didnt fully elaborate on, if your sharing a joke online or anywhere, we gotta understand the punchline for it to be funny buddy. otherwise you just said some random shit that like nobody gets.

"oh but these people get it why cant the-" bonk. bonk. bonk. bonk. bonk (this repeats for 10 billion years [joking]). the joke there is im hitting them with a giant mallot. theres a set up (the stupid comment) and a punch line ("this repeats for 10 billion years") that with explanation you might have not gotten! you wouldnt have guessed the mallot probably, whats bonking you? whos getting bonked? what is bonking (sorry, didnt explain that, its like the noise thats somewhat made when you hit your head on something, commonly associated with hamemrs and most times i see it clowns? yeah lol)? does it end or would you keep saying bonk? why did you stop? whatever questions lol

different people understand things differently and i made an at-school poll as proof of it (which ill be sharing pics of later)! you like things, other people dont, thats not some satanic crime against the holy word of god (exaggeration of my point).

"alright, but it stops being fu-" i have the hammer still!~ BONK! (they are bleeding out dead on the floor [another joke referencing the one i made earlier with bonking]) not only has this comedy tactic been used before, but theres this guy on youtube (kurtis connor, comedian, funny guy) and he explains several of his jokes! sometimes the explanation is the punchline. honestly? funny ass shit.

my explanations of jokes may be seen as too much here (maybe someone believes that "no ones gonna need the explained reference"), but i dont care! im trying to make this understandably funny!

comedy isnt some personal experience, make everyone laugh, the joy and whimsy of life and jsut clowning around (HONK HONK! <- thats a clown horn noise, most times used when a clown character "honks" or squeezes their commonly big red nose. again, reference to the clown jhokes ive been making, it is also a pun) should be enjoyed by all!

Appreciation post for everyone explaining a joke in comments and posts when someone doesn't get it, for people willing to explain pop culture references that fly over someone's head, for people answering genuine questions about some issue someone has trouble understanding, for people who take enquiries about "common sensical" stuff in good faith, I love you <3

[b0mblover]

.

By: J

major tw; minor ed/ weight loss mention,

the absolute biggest tw for suicide, really just probably dont read this at all if youre suicidal, or prone to it, or uh really just not good in the slighest,

i uh, talk about in detail ways i could kill myself, really, i don’t recommend reading this unless like, you need a refrence on how highly suicidal people speak 💀

ah but srsly, probably dont read this for your own sake, im basically venting on alt, but like, not poetically in the slighest, theres only so many ways a guy can rephrase wanting to kill himself without being direct kay?

uh, probably dont worry abt this, i uh, even if i /did/ try to kms id probably survive, dont put that much faith into me

ok nvm irl i just spilled my goddamn penrice im gonna actually kms this is my breaking point (hard joke)

ugvfnd god im so sorry for writi g this and postint it, i cant do the whole keeping my feelings to myself anymore, its awful.

CHOEKS imagine this is jiro nitos suicide note or smth and critize it I DONT KNOW 😭 please laugh, im trying to hard to deflect from how awful i feel.

i urge to you turn back and not read this.

-from this point on, i am not responsible for how anyone interprets this/does because of this, you have been warned, this is the writer venting and being highly suicidal, no one is forcing you to read this. if you cannot deal with this, then dont read it, im not responsable for how others react to my writing, for your own sake. again, you have been warned-

i apologize for writing this.

words are escaping me at the moment.

ill probably be fine.

im human in the end.

something we all can agree on.

every sign points to it.

it is in the end correct.

but now,

i question if im even enough to deserve the title.

my anger is consuming me over nothing.

at the same time.

i feel so numb.

my throat feels tight.

like im going to cry.

my vision is blurry.

and yet.

as always.

i cant.

i wont.

im tired of the “sympathy” 

someone like me doesnt deserve it

i dont deserve it.

i dragged myself into this hell.

and im not getting myself out.

i said that the next time i fucked up i would kill myself.

here we are.

still- annoyingly- alive.

i dont know if ill try.

i dont feel.

scared.

to try.

pills, a noose, drowning, gunshot, razor blades, 

i know about every way to kill myself

i have about every way to kill myself

and yet

im still here.

alive.

my noose, sits beside my on the door, id have to move my chair, get a stool,

the last time i tried it didnt break,

and ive lost around 10 pounds, i know it wouldnt break, i know it would work, but as last time, it took too long, i got bored, ‘came to my senses’

the pills on the table, i know of at least three medications in them that would kill me, not to mention the combinations, but, i cant normally swallow pills well, i usually end up gagging, plus, getting your stomach pumped is really costy,

the water would be, rather easy i believe, ive only tried it once, but, after she tried to do that, i dont know if i could even force myself underwater, even to kill myself,

the gun that resides on that same table, it works, i have two bullets that fit it, no more, no less, i know it still works perfectly, granted being older than me, it probably would be my best chance, but, i - well, i cant say i remember the parts to shoot that are vital, thatll finish the job, and i really rather not waste my bullets and money on surviving,

the razor blades on my desk, everywhere, the black letters on the box reading “do it” only feels more like a calling, but, even when i try to cut deeper, i almost never can unless on accident, no matter how hard i seem to press- no matter how quickly i do it, i can never seem to get past the first layer of skin, 

i, really- really dont know what to do,

i said id attempt, i fucked up, im tired of people seeing this awful side of me, but when thats almost all you have left of what you can barely even call ‘you’. 

the only way i see my life going.

is ending.

weather the original plan,

suicide,

an accident,

i know in the end im destined to kill or get myself killed.

i truly don’t believe that ill die of anythint “natural” unless you consider jumping off a roof natural.

in a way, i want to listen to what she says,

to give up on art, become a scientist.

i know its not even possible,

its just my own sense of punishing myself, because the mental pain of knowing that i shouldve died years ago stings so much more than my arms ever will, hurting myself, barely hurts, and i know that the only person that it would hurt from- wont. 

even if i were to beg, plead, i know they wont.

its almost june.

i 

i dont really think i want to live to then,

im 

im scared that last year will repeat itself,

i dont know if its rightful,

but i want to get out of their life,

i dont want them to suffer like they did,

i dont want anyone to suffer besides myself.

and.

i believe that taking care of me.

is suffering.

therefore.

the only thing i feel i can do.

is leave.

i dont want to leave.

i want to stay with them.

but.

im horrified that ill fuck up again.

and no one needs to deal with that.

besides.

people get bored of others.

move on.

i seem to always be the only one who cant.

i know how illogical i sound.

i know that.

but to me it makes perfect sense.

its clear.

im so sorry.

[eldritchsquared-albums]

Public Void - Penelope Scott

Cigarette Ahegao - WAY too electronic for my tastes and the singing style isnt really for me. stop saying uwu at me or ill kill myself

Lotta True Crime - i knew this song before and its a solid 6/10 i guess. song for edgy teens who think theyre so fucked up

American Healthcare (Glitzy)- good lyrics i guess, suffers from the same problem that the rest of the album does where the instrumentals are- sorry i have to pause because she just said "suck the devil's dick". song gets one point more for that i guess. but yeah the instrumentals arent for me.

Feel Better - ive heard portions of this song before and it never really caught my attention, and it continues to not catch my attention. the bass shouldve been in the entirety of the song and not just a few parts.

Moonsickness - did this really need to be the longest song on the album? its so. Nothing. if i didnt go and read the lyrics i wouldve thought it was about Nothing. that being said, the lyrics for this one are pretty good, but again, the actual sound of it is so Nothing. for a song with as cool of a name as moonsickness i really hoped id be pleasantly surprised. the only reason i didnt skip the last minute of this song was because i was really really hoping that itd be one of those songs that gets better around the end but no, it was just so nothing the whole time and never got any better.

Dumpster - is this the same beat she used for lotta true crime. i think it is. this song is short but i really wish the part at the end where there was some kind of distorted guitar played over a synth was longer. she started doing something really cool with the intrumentals and then it just. Stopped.

Rät - i knew this song as well before listening and i do passively enjoy it, but upon listening to the whole album at once its really just more of the same. i do still like it for the nostalgia value

IN CONCLUSION - this album feels like it was made in a lab for teen girls on tiktok. thats not a bad thing (even though i actively dislike it) its just not for me. im gonna split this conclusion into a few parts because i dont want to seem unfair i guess

THE BAD - there are only ever 3 instruments playing at once, and one of them is the drums (if you can call them that. its a beat i guess). the bitcrushed instrumentals really dont do it for me. girl you dont need to swear every few words. the album is way too short, and maybe should've been an EP. the sampling is clumsy and out of place. i cannot stress this enough: Stop Swearing Every Other Line

THE GOOD - the lyrics are pretty honest and she definitely has a lot of emotion shes trying to get out onto paper, and i can respect that. the melodies are catchy. when shes not swearing every line shes a really good lyricist.

THE NEUTRAL - i can definitely see why she has a following - this style of music is a style i know people really like.

its a 3/10 for my personal tastes, but a 5/10 album in general, so i'll average that to a 4/10

[your-tires-are-too-cold]

the absolute best quotes from bdylanhollis's vintage baking tiktoks

• "thought this was a joke. turns out im the joke."

• "you can use a mixer, i just do this to feel something"

• "fold in sauerkraut carefully. or what? im going to ruin your disaster?"

• "can a cake be tried for treason?"

• "either chocolate fixes everything or this is alchemy"

• *disgusted chewing noises* "DEMON BABY!!!"

• "before pumpkin pie became king people ate this....now they're dead."

• "combine all ingredients except for pie shell. were you rEALLY WORRIED I WAS GOING TO PUT A F U L L Y C O N S T R U C T E D PIE SHELL INTO THIS?"

• "im a fool, not an idiot."

• "its like reading directions to purgatory"

• "now we have carbonated mayonnaise lime water"

• "MARSHMALLOWS!! with the m a y o??"

• "chop up your dehydrated cow"

• "it tastes like it's insulting me"

• "and its not just a little bit. no. its a severe unauthorized CUP of mayonnaise."

• "honey you cant dilute a war crime"

• "you know its horrible now but i hope it turns out okay. like children."

• *beans boiling over in a pot* "ahhhhHH BEAN REBELLION!!"

• "eggie!! how many? i don't know. it just says EGGS."

• "did you just kill my blender?" *broken blender noises* "hello?" *insane maniacal laughter* "this is personal now. you swung first!!"

• "why are you good? yOU HAVE A BAG OF BEANS IN YOU!!"

• "one of the many questionable substances people experimented with in the 70s...pistachio pudding."

• "smells like a palm springs retirement home"

• "nixon wished it was this easy."

• "this was the cold war after all. fear of communist bananas was at an all time high."

• "the 70s. sponsored by the color beige."

• "its uncomfortably appetizing"

• "meat and desserts was quite common back then. so was botulism."

• "'honey would you like earl gray or pork?' 'ill take a divorce'"

• "sweet, bitter and meaty. like my ex."

• "don't say it dylan" *2 seconds later* "CIMMANIMM!!"

• "350 for two and a half hours! i suppose any less and it might gain consciousness."

• "its a little late in the century for war crimes."

• "are you just making things up? who are you??"

• *opening a can of spam* "you know ive never been particularly religious. but today might be the day."

• "a cup of evaporated milk?! have you lost the plot?!"

• "i feel like if i do this correctly im going to invoke the spirit of richard nixon"

• "this aint food honey this is a bioweapon"

• "sir your phone number is 4 digits"

• "well i don't have sorghum because i don't have a life expectancy of twelve"

• "thats the power of pine sol baby!"

• "bake to your liking. sweetie none of this is to my liking."

• "this is what id imagine a toilet brush to taste like"

• "this is why we don't perform lobotomies anymore."

• "should be a pale white." *holds butter up to arm for comparison*

• "i bet this recipe is just all the wrong answers on a baking test."

• "smells like dentures."

• "not bad dead people"

• "its incredible. and im mad about it."

• "sift your flour three times. lady your cake has tomato soup in it, this is thE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES!!"

• "'911 whats your emergency?' 'yeah that lady carol is at the barbecue again.'"

• "careful not to over mix. sorry im just trying to kill it."

• "now i know this is going to be awful because it calls for soured milk. not buttermilk, not milk and vinegar, no honey sOURED B A D MILK!"

• "disgusting wasnt enough for you?!"

• "call the U.N."

• "bake until done. you're a piece of work."

• *plays accordion on his kitchen floor*

• "tastes like a shower drain or a bunion"

• "this recipe was sent to me by herbert hoover feet pics. theres something for everybody"

• "are you nine inches yet?? said 14 year old me."

• "i suppose its better than eating your offspring"

• "oh betty crocker WHAT ARE YOU UP TO??"

• "you could just use canned pineapple. if you were a communist."

• "can you bake a pie with four ingredients? yes! i could also eat my mattress."

• "add three gils of water. was this written for a fish?"

• "i think this qualifies as a preexisting condition"

• "unconstitutional!"

• "its a breast implant"

• *clunking from the cabinets* "i think ive summoned something"

• "it seems to have collapsed. like the south."

• "the slogan for this cookbook is 'it's digestible'"

• "remember kids the main ingredient in pie pastry is self doubt"

• "fry in two tablespoons of crisco. on this episode of dead white people."

• "i didnt know tuberculosis had a color scheme"

• "ive baked a toilet."

• "how am i supposed to know how big your teacups are, ira?"

• "why do dead people like dates?"

• "easy does it. wouldn't want to ruin a disaster."

• "'ira honey i'm going to war.' 'over what?' 'your cooking'"

• "tastes like a boot. like a size 10 boot."

• "why just live in the great depression when you could also have chronic diarrhea"

• "it wants me to plumpen my prunes in water. well i won't be plumping my prunes in just anything. buy me dinner first."

• "it looks like a failed grave robbery"

• "walnuts aint gonna save this recipe sweetie"

• "you know its not bad it just vaguely tastes like a felony."

• "'where you goin with that tuna dylan?' 'oh you know just making jello"

• "this recipe is making me cry, not the onions"

• "are we sure this recipe wasnt written by a cat?"

• "it already looks like the great depression"

• "bake in a moderate oven. no need to get political"

•"don't tell gordon ramsey"

• "it tastes like a question mark. but a good question mark"