#josh's jumbling | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gretavanmoon · 8 months ago

Text

A Perfect Ten - Part 3

Josh x Female reader

13.5k words

+ After befriending your coworker Josh at your new workplace, the both of you realize you need each other in more ways than one. Things might get a little cloudy as an ongoing judge of actions takes place, leaving the both of you wrapped up in a back and forth neither of you saw coming

Warnings: Mention of Drinking, Cursing, Mention of Breakups and Heartbreak, Sadness, Lying, Fluff. Smut: Kissing, Touching, Dirty Talk, Praise, Flirting, Oral F!receiving, Fingering, Unprotected Penetrative Sex.

A/N: Thanks for sticking it out to the end! I appreciate everyone's interest in this, and all of your kind messages of encouragement! This was such a fun little story to explore, and I hope you love the conclusion :)

Five weeks.

It’d been over five long, hard, confusing, delicious weeks of Josh wrapping himself up in you, and you in him, the both of you using the other for paramount physical satisfaction that wasn’t comparable to any other partner either of you had ever had. Not every night had been spent together, but more often than not, you found yourself waking up to him bringing you a mug of coffee in bed before he scurried off to the shower to get ready for the day.

Since neither of you ever had to be at work until around 11AM, you never overstayed your welcome, making your way out of his bed and out the door before you could finish off the last few drops. You never hung around, but then again, he never asked you to.

That promise he made you on his porch that night as his fingers were buried deep inside you was yet to be fulfilled, though… each of you switching off coming up with some excuse to not go all the way. You’d been burdened with a plethora of intertwined and overlapping thoughts, most of them so intense that you would daze out during the day, tuning out your customers’ orders as they ran them off to you. Your mind felt as if it was a mess of tangled wires, each one connected to something different or not connected to anything at all as you tried your damndest to sort through them, unwinding a few at a time only for them to tangle and jumble up again.

You liked Josh. Actually, you really liked him.

But though the two of you have ravished each other’s bodies in nearly every single way but the one that you yearned for most, you still can’t bring yourself to ask him why. Why he won’t show his feelings toward you in what you consider the most important way there is.

“We’re friends, Y/N, nothing more…”

His words still rang in the back of your head, and you’d been fighting off your mental demons of pure desperation since he said them. Though, you repeat the same ones back to him all the time. It was only weeks ago that Josh told you that he was having a harder and harder time telling you no, and you wondered if you outright asked him to love you in the way that you wanted, maybe he would.

But, you didn’t want to do anything that he didn’t want to do, and you didn’t want to give yourself to him in a way in which he wouldn’t want you. It hurt, it truly did, but you’d used the excuse of if he wanted to, he would to make yourself feel better for far too long, now.

Honestly, you were starting to get kind of pissed. The sexual frustration had begun to weigh on your needs. Neither of you had ever really discussed being exclusive, even if it was just a friends with benefits type situation, but then again you never saw or heard any evidence of him hooking up with anyone else. So, you played the cards as they lied.

Some nights, after one too many after-work drinks at the bar, you’d muster up the courage to ask him, but you always fell short, bargaining that any attention from him was better than none… So you’d cut your losses and let him walk you back to his place, dancing in the kitchen with one another until, inevitably, your clothes were tumbling to the floor yet again, and the escapades would ensue.

You still craved his attention, that part of the deal never left. An overwhelming need to feed his ego, be the only one his sights were set on, at all times. It was toxic, and you knew that… Every little bit of attention he gave to someone else made your blood burn and your face redden with an envy you had yet to experience with anyone else. If you couldn’t give Josh everything that he needed, why could someone else? You knew exactly what he liked…

…Then the voices in your head would return, scolding you for acting and thinking in such a manner toward a man that claims no part of you, other than making you unravel for him night after night as your legs spread wide for his tongue to explore.

So, you sucked it up, working your fingers to the bone every night slinging pizzas, refilling beers, and not-so-subtly flirting with Josh in the interim. No other men caught and held your attention anymore. None of any substance, at least. You wondered if the reason for that was because of the fake wall you’d built up to stop anyone else from trying to ruin your chance with Josh.

On one particularly slow night, you and your coworker Jamie were rolling piles upon piles of silverware, doing anything you could to fill the time and keep your hands busy until the next table were to roll in. Jamie was newer and very sweet, and you noticed that she had begun to get a little more personable with you as she became comfortable in her position.

“So, I heard that Josh turned down that assistant manager's position again, why would he do that? He would be so absolutely perfect for the job…” she pestered, curious as to why someone like him would deny himself a promotion.

You took a breath. “I know, I agree. I tried to get him to take it but, his argument is that he’s comfortable doing what he’s doing. Making the money that he does without the extra headache and responsibility.”

She clicked her tongue. “Guess I can’t blame him. Managerial positions aren’t for everyone. Hey, maybe they’ll offer it to you!” Her perkiness and over the top energy sometimes made your teeth hurt with sweetness, but you knew she meant well… so you thought, so far.

“Aha, no,” you laughed. “I haven’t been here long enough yet.” You stood from the barstool you were sitting on and grabbed up the basket of silverware, heading off to the kitchen to do a swap for freshly washed ones.

“Where is he, anyway? I haven’t seen him in a couple days,” Jamie said as you popped back through the swinging doors. “Not that I noticed or anything, I know you guys hang out a lot…”

Her tone made your stomach turn over, but you tried to ignore it. “He uh, he left town for a few days, visiting some family up North while we have a slow month.”

You lied. You lied right through your teeth.

The smile on Jamie’s face was wide. “Oh! That’s nice. I just noticed it’s really quiet around here without him always cracking jokes and stuff, ya know? Without him picking on me and purposefully trying to teach me the wrong things all the time,” her high pitched giggles made you want to throw this stack of napkins right at her face.

“The wrong things?” you questioned, your eyes heavy on her.

“Yeah, last week he tried to tell me the Peppadew pizza didn’t have any peppers on it, and that caramelized onions have actual caramel on them… I know better, but it was sweet he’s trying to trip me up, ya know? Like he’s testing me. Keeping me on my toes. And then when he offered to do my side work when I had to leave early for an appointment…just a really great guy, ya know?”

You swore to god, if she said ‘ya know?’ one more fucking time…

“Yeah, he’s a really great guy…” you mumbled, roughly twisting the silvers tightly into the napkin. You felt as though there was smoke coming from your ears, and your head was about to blow at any second. Had he been flirting with her? In the exact same ways that he flirted with you when you first started?

“Oh, and…this is kind of embarrassing but…I cried last Saturday night in the walk-in after my shift. I’d had a rough night, got stiffed by a table and spilled a beer in my shoes, Heather yelled at me and I just…anyway, Josh let me cry on him in there, dried my stupid tears. Really made me feel better, ya know? Told me everyone has those nights and I was a really great server. He even invited me out to the bar after closing. He made me feel so much better about it all.”

He…fucking…what?

The one night you decided to let someone switch you shifts…

“Did you go?” you blurted out a little too quickly.

“Oh, where, to the bar?”

“Yes Jamie, to the bar. Did you go with him?” you growled.

Her nonchalance was really making you sick. “Oh, I started to, but then I decided against it. Josh walked me to my car and I went home and had a self care night. Those really are the best, ya know?”

“He walked you to your car?” you asked, your words spewing like wildfire now as you felt your blood boiling.

“Yeah he uh, said he wanted to make sure I was safe… Y/N, you guys aren’t like, together are you? I mean I know you guys are close friends but if you’re anything more, I can back off…”

“No,” you cut her off. “No, we’re not together.” You grit your teeth as your fingers continued to roll, your ears nearly deaf with rage.

“Are you sure?” she meekly asked.

“Positive!” you smiled a fake smile. “We’re…really close friends. Nothing more…” The words burned coming from your mouth, the same sentence you’d reiterated to yourself time and time again the past few weeks now being spoken into the air, and feeling more real than ever. Nothing more. Nothing ever more.

“Oh good! So then… I guess you won’t care if I take him up on his invitation to go to the bar, if he ever asks again? He’s just so sweet and I…kind of wouldn’t mind hanging out outside of wor—“

“No Jamie, I don’t mind. Actually, I don’t mind at all. I’m sure he’d love your company at the bar. He does this with every new hire, I’m sure he’s just breaking you in.” You knew it was wrong, but you somehow couldn’t stop yourself…

“Breaking me in?” she cowered.

“Oh yeah,” you emphasized your words, making them sound as petty and condescending as possible. “Hot new chick comes to work here, he catches them up in a hot and heavy situationship, leads them along until he gets what he wants, then he disappears from their lives, dropping them like little stray kittens when new fresh meat comes along. Dick move, really. Happens all the time, he’s known for it. Didn’t…didn’t anyone tell you that?” you ask. Fuck, this was so wrong. You’ve lied to her twice now.

“Oh, shit, no…no one has said anything about that. Does…does he really do that with every new person that comes along?”

“Yep! I’ve seen it a few times myself. He’ll break your heart faster than you can learn the secret menu, babe. Sorry to burst your bubble.” Her face fell as she blushed, definitely surprised at your fake story and taking it all for truth. “But I mean, if you’re into that kind of thing, then by all means…go to the bar with him.”

You could tell that Jamie wasn’t the type to be out looking for a hookup. She was the long term relationship type, you could tell that much just from her demeanor and a quick scroll of her instagram feed. You knew this fabricated story would turn her completely away from Josh, or at least, this new light you’d painted him in.

You watched as she slipped her hair behind her ear, trying to swallow back the news you’d just bombed her with. “Ah, I’ll see. Maybe sometime I will,” she smiled, quickly turning her charm back on as you both heard the ding of the front door opening, signaling new customers. “My turn!” Her smile was as fake as the story you’d just made up, but you thought it was more out of necessity than kindness. And you suddenly felt fucking awful.

Every single thing she’d just told you Josh did for her, was something that any gentleman would do, any nice person would do to make a new hire feel at home and welcomed. Of course he flirted with her, he’s a natural-born. Of course he walked her to her car late at night, and of course he invited her out to the bar so she wouldn’t feel left out when the group left together. And you just painted him in a light so horrible that even you wouldn’t want to hang out with him.

Not to mention the lie you told before this one, that he was up North visiting family for the next few days. Truth be told, Josh called you one morning you were both off work and told you he would be back in a few days, that he had something he needed to take care of and he wouldn’t have cell service. He didn’t give any details, but you didn’t feel it was your place to really ask any, either.

You’d made sure everything was alright, and asked if he needed you for anything while he was gone, but when he assured you everything was okay and hung up the phone more quickly than you could even give him a proper goodbye, you knew something was up. But what it was, you were completely unsure of.

Of course you and Josh weren’t the type to text all day, day in and day out…you each gave each other space to live your own lives and do what the other pleased as far as daily activities, but you were confident in the fact that you knew where he was at any given time of day, and he you. It wasn’t ever expected, it’s just how it always was. Especially since you both worked nearly the same schedule.

But something about that phone call felt wrong. It felt like he was withholding something, cutting your sentences off and not giving you much of anything, at all. Your senses told you that something was most definitely up.

An intense retrospective dissociation that night after your conversation with Jamie had you replaying the few days leading up to Josh leaving town, thinking back on every little detail and wondering if you had overstepped your agreement with Josh. Made him feel uncomfortable or upset for any reason, but you really couldn’t think of a thing. You knew your thoughts about your relationship felt toxic in your mind, but that’s where they stayed, locked away tight. You never really voiced your concerns with him, trying to keep things as light as possible while you all but suffered internally.

You fell asleep that night cold and alone, hugging a pillow between your arms while you wished it was Josh hugging you back.

•••

Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse, the rainstorm that had begun falling on you a few days ago had now turned into a full on downpour.

You’d come into your shift that Friday morning, finding Josh had made it in well before you even parked your car. It was strange of him, as he always clocked in at the exact turn of the hour, no matter what. You tried to keep positive as you made the trek inside, thinking that maybe he’d gotten busy with unpacking when he’d arrived back home and forgot to call you, or maybe he’d re-thought his decision on the assistant manager position and had come to talk to Heather about it. Either way, you were excited to see his face again.

“Morning, sunshine!” you sang into his ear when you found him on the patio, filling up the Parmesan cheese shakers. “You’re here awfully early, you go off and have a meeting with a life coach, or something?” Maybe playful teasing will break through the ice he had in his voice on that dreadful phone call the other day.

“Morning,” he said, his voice fallen and a bit defeated. You paused, waiting for him to add some snide remark in his defense to make you laugh, but he didn’t. He just continued on with his task.

You walked up beside him, grabbing a few stray menus from the cabinet and straightening them up. “You uh, have a good trip?”

“Yeah, was fine,” he replied, his voice chipper, but his eyes still looking at anything but you. Completely out of character.

You leaned down on your elbows to look up at him from below, hoping that you’d catch his eyes. “Missed you, wasn’t the same without you here…” you cooed, earning nothing more than a tight-lipped grin from him as he tightened the lid on the last shaker.

“Yeah, ditto,” he said, grabbing the tray of shakers up and backing his way back into the restaurant.

What the fuck? Shit, had Jamie gotten to him and told him what you’d said? That had to be it, there was no other explanation for his odd behavior. How the fuck were you going to fix this?

You held back from him for the rest of the shift, giving him a little room and meeting the same energy he’d been giving you all day. You tried talking to him a handful of times, with each encounter feeling more and more forced than the last. You’d speak, and he’d respond, but his attitude toward you was nothing like the real him, and more than anything, it began to worry you that something else was up, and your gut wasn’t lying to you at all.

The shift came and went in a flurry, time passing by in the blink of an eye before shift change hit you in the face. Jamie was replacing you in your section, and you hated to leave it full and not collect your tips, but you really felt as though you needed to get out of this place as soon as possible, and a little good karma wouldn’t be a bad thing to strive for, right now.

So you transferred every single table to her, much to her overjoyed surprise, and you got to work counting your checks and tips before you could clock out and have an evening free to get away from the awkwardness that had become Angelo’s Pizza.

You could hardly even face Josh by the end of the day, things felt so tense that you could cut the air with a knife, and you didn’t like it one fucking bit.

“I’m going to the bar tonight, with Josh and everyone,” Jamie whispered in your ear as she came up behind you as you finished your sidework..

“Oh, you are?” you asked, surprised that Josh hadn’t asked you to go, and that he was going at all, given he worked a lunch shift.

“Mhm, I asked if he was going out tonight, and he said he’d see me there. I just wanted to say thanks, for the warning about him, but I think I’m gonna give it a go, see what happens,” she said, excitement filling her voice as she bit into a staff pizza slice.

“Ah well, good luck to you, I hope it works in your favor, babe.” You throw on a genuine smile, wanting more to shove her into the dish pit than encourage her any further.

Much to your surprise, you met Josh inadvertently at the lockers as you were leaving, taking his order pad and pens out of his apron before dispensing it in the dirty hamper to be washed. You cleared your throat as you put your combination into your lock, accepting the fact that he just…didn’t want to talk to you.

It was silent for a few seconds as the two of you did your own things before you slammed your door shut, making him startle where he stood.

“Can I uh, walk you to your car, Y/N?” he asked quietly, his gaze still trying its best to avoid you without being rude.

“It’s 4:30 in the afternoon, Josh. It’s not even dark yet,” you replied, regretting your tone as soon as the words left you. You watched his face fall even more. “I—sure, yes. I’m sorry, I’d love for you to walk me,” you agreed, feeling anxious and uneasy already. Things felt so out of place.

The two of you waltzed out the back door and into the light of the evening, walking fairly quickly to your car parked on the side lot. “Things busy while I was gone?” he broke through the silence.

“No,” you breathed, pulling your keys from your purse. “Really slow, actually. Made maybe $275 the whole time you were gone.”

“Yikes, picked a good time to leave, then,” he joked, pulling his arm behind his head. The two of you stood in silence again, what normally would be flirtatious hugs and teasing kisses had been replaced by uneasy stares and forced small talk, and you felt as though you could crumble at the loss of the feeling of him. His once warm and inviting persona has suddenly been replaced with an ice cold stare and a stoic stance.

“Are you sure everything is okay, Josh?” you pressed again, scared stiff to hear his reply as he couldn’t walk away from you, now.

His honey brown eyes glistened in the sunlight as you watched him bite his lips in, pondering on his words before he said them. “Yeah, everything’s fine, Y/N. Swear.”

“You promise?” you asked as you poked his shoulder, hoping teasing him a little would jog the awkwardness away.

“Promise.”

“Okay…then, you wanna come over this evening? Have a beer? I have a frozen calzone I'm gonna throw in the oven…” you tried again.

His eyes darted sideways as he bit his lip in again, his hand uncomfortable as it rubbed the back of his neck. “I um, think I’m gonna stay in tonight, pretty tired from driving. Gonna catch up on some z’s,” he said, his tone completely unconvincing. What the hell…he just lied to you. He’s going to the bar…

You try your best to cover up your surely shocked expression. “Sure yeah, I should uh, probably do that too…” you said as you began backing away from him, aggravated tears threatening your eyes. “I’ll see you later, thanks for walking me.”

You unlocked your car and hopped into the driver’s seat, quickly finding the ignition as you held your breath and stopped every single emotion from making its way to your face. He couldn’t see you cry…

You didn’t even bother looking back at him as you pulled out of your spot, knowing that a simple glance at him would have you losing it right there in the parking lot. You could feel his eyes on you, though, watching as you threw it in drive and made your exit quick.

The road home from Angelo’s was packed with traffic, cars filling nearly every street spot as families and locals alike started to fill the town for the weekend. Your hands gripped hard at the top of the steering wheel as you were carefully watching for pedestrians, the same burning tears fighting their way through the closer to home you became. Your chest was tight and your palms were sweaty, what in the world is happening? Where has your sweet Josh gone?

Maybe the false story you’d made up and told Jamie was actually closer to the truth than you realized, maybe you were just another pawn in Josh’s game until someone new came along. Maybe he really does do this to everyone, and you just hadn’t had anyone to warn you..

You couldn’t hold the tears back any longer, letting them finally fall freely as you neared your driveway. You choked out powerful sobs, your eyes throbbing and your throat tight as you let yourself mourn what felt to be the loss of not only an amazing lover, but one of your very best friends. You whipped your car into the parking spot and shut it off, giving yourself a second to wipe your tears before one of your neighbors caught you in this fucking fit of tears and sobs.

You felt idiotic, thrashing yourself down into your bed after kicking your shoes off to fall to the floor, letting yourself be overcome with sorrow. And more so, a lingering guilt that you’d done something so wrong that he went from being the one you spoke to the most in this world, to turning you away completely. It was so sudden that you felt like you had whiplash.

After an hour long cry, you dragged yourself up out of your bed and to the bathroom, stripping away the clothes that held pizza dust and beer to hop into the shower. Hot showers always bring about wisdom, so you made sure to turn the knob to nearly scalding.

As you let the water flow over your hair and onto your face, the picture on the backs of your eyelids was nothing but Josh… His curls, his chocolate eyes, his perfect smile and the way it gave you butterflies… You aren’t incorrect in confidently saying that your crush on him is more than just that, that your feelings have developed into something a bit more serious. More than what you would call just friends.

Maybe you should just call him. Force it out of him… Maybe you should show up to the bar tonight, and act like nothing in the world is wrong. Or maybe you should just get back under the covers and have that whole calzone to yourself. All the options sound feasible, but then your mind suggests that you turn the tables. What would Josh do if the roles were reversed?

He’d probably call you up, and when you didn’t answer the first time, he’d call again, letting the tone ring until you either sent him to voicemail or picked up. Then he’d tell you he was bringing snacks and wine over, and you were going to sit with him and explain what’s going on, just like any good friend would do. No questions asked. Josh was a private man, but that still didn’t stop him from loving those who surrounded him unconditionally. And, as far as you were concerned, you were one of those people. And you deserved to know what the hell is going on with him, especially if you had any intention of helping him fix it.

So, as you stepped out of the shower and wrapped yourself in your towels, you decided on doing just that. You grabbed up your phone and opened your text thread with Josh, seeing that the multiple memes and funny videos you’d sent him over the last few days had gone unreplied to, sitting there on read in your texts as if he hadn’t even seen them at all. You ignore it, instead typing up a rather happy message that laid a few things out, seeing if it will bait him to finally respond.

You: Starting Friends over from season 1, going to see if I’m still Team Joey after this go around. This calzone and wine won’t taste the same without you, but I hope you’re catching up on that sleep you missed out on. Would love to hear about your trip, if you want. The invitation to join me still stands💘

You watched as the message turned to delivered, and you tossed the phone back onto the counter as you awaited hearing the buzz of a reply. You got dressed and dried your hair, realizing that the bar simply wasn’t in the cards tonight, there was no way you’d get the swelling to go down around your eyes from all the crying, anyway.

If there was anything you’d learned in the past few days, was that your feelings for Josh weren’t unwarranted, and they most definitely were real. Fuck, you cried over the guy. You haven’t cried over someone in years, let alone let yourself mope just because he wasn’t giving you the attention they normally did. It felt childish, and it felt a little silly, but the overflow of emotions set in stone that you really did care for him.

But now, a couple of hours after the text sent through and your calzone sat half-eaten on the stove, you realize that maybe he isn’t going to take you up on the offer to talk, and you’re going to have to finish your bottle of wine by yourself.

•••

You woke up the next morning on the couch, tangled in a blanket with Friends still playing on your TV. You glance at the time seeing it is only 9:00, and you have all day to hang around before your shift at 4. Your notifications were plentiful, so you wiped the sleep from your eyes and let them adjust to the bright screen.

A few emails and Facebook nonsense, but there at the bottom is a text from Jamie, and a notification from Josh.

Jamie: Hey girl, things are going great at the bar, just wanted to say thanks for being real with me. 💋 I’ll let you know how the night ends…

All Josh had done was reacted to your text with a heart. Of course.

Ya know what…

You shot up off the couch, dizzy from getting up too fast, but more than anything, rightly pissed the hell off. You were over it, over trying, over trying to be gentle with approaching the situation in a way that you thought might push Josh away even more. Fuck it, he didn’t want to talk to you, you didn’t want to talk to him. He wanted to lie to you and go to the bar with someone else, fine. All you ever wanted was his time and attention, and apparently all he ever wanted from you was a piece of ass. And hell, he never even got that.

Whatever. You’re over it. You’re going to get a coffee, throw on the perfume that Josh used to love, and walk into your shift with him with a newfound charisma. You didn’t need this shit. All it was doing was giving you wrinkles and a reason to drink.

•••

A week passed, the shifts with Jamie and Josh being anything but friendly since you had decided that there was nothing there with him anymore, nothing that should hold your interest enough to put you through that much emotional turmoil day in and day out. So you found other things and other people to occupy your time at work, making closer friends with the kitchen staff and a few of the other servers and hanging out with them on your nightly trips to the bar.

It still hurt, and you knew that fake wall you had built was still entirely intact, a protective barrier to save yourself from impending heartbreak even worse than you’d already had because of Josh. But you knew you’d built it out of sticks and mud instead of brick, and you were worried that it would come tumbling down at the first instance of Josh showing you any interest again. He had become addictive like that, but you were strong, realizing your self-worth after you’d given yourself a few days to marinate in your sadness.

Josh’s cold shoulder stayed cold for the first few days after your epiphany, but eased up just a little the day that he asked you if you were going to the bar after a really busy night shift.

“Probably. Why?” you responded coldly.

He shrugged as the two of you stood at the expo window. “Just wondering. You don’t really ever fill the barstool beside me anymore.”

You shot your head sideways to look at him head on, eyebrows cocked with a completely flabbergasted expression.

“You’re joking, right?” you exclaimed as two pepperonis were set in the window. “That’s because you have Little Miss taking her spot in it most nights now, Josh. Don’t put that weird blame shit on me.”

“Blame shit? You have just as much right to sit there as she does,” he replied, throwing you for a loop again. He hadn’t spoken to you this much in what felt like weeks.

You turned to him fully, coming into his space as you realized you were not backing down. “You haven’t spoken to me in days, Josh. Literally ignored me at every turn, ignored my texts and my invitations to talk, you give me the cold shoulder every day…and I still have no fucking clue as to why. I thought our friendship meant more to you than that. So no, I don’t have a right to that barstool anymore, for all I know as soon as I sat down you’d get up and leave, anyway.” You gripped both the hot pizzas in your hands after stabbing the check, racing off as you left him in the dust.

Fuck that. He wants to talk now? After all this time? No. And not like this.

If he wanted to talk, he could come to you when you both were off the clock. Lord knows you were ready to hear his side of things.

•••

You didn’t go to the bar that night. In fact, you went straight home, contemplating taking up TJ’s offer to go out for a drive and smoke. TJ was cool, and really good company, even being the professional stoner that he was. He never made you feel like he wanted anything more than just to cruise around and listen to music, always tossing you a few prerolleds before he dropped you back off at your place.

But just as you were about to respond to his text with an “OK, be ready in ten”, you heard a car pull up in your driveway. “Damnit TJ, I’m not nearly ready to leave, yet,” you whispered to yourself as you peeked through your living room curtain. You were still in nothing but your sports bra and panties.

But it wasn’t TJ. It was Josh.

And his car door was slamming, and he was barrelling toward your front door. What the fuck?

Within seconds, he was banging a fist on the door, yelling your name as if his life depended on it. “Y/N! Hey, answer the door!”

You thought that something may be wrong, so you quickly wrapped your robe around you and darted for the door, unlocking the deadbolt quickly as you began to panic. You thrust the door open quickly, revealing a very pissed off Josh.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” you asked as he pushed past you and into the room.

He was pacing around, his hands unknowing of where to land as they ran through his hair, and sat on his hips before rising again to run over his face. “No, I’m not really okay, Y/N… Do you wanna tell me what you’ve been telling people at work about me? Hm? The absolute fucking lies you’re spreading?”

Fuck. You swallowed hard, walking closer to him as you placed your hands gently on his arm.

“Josh, sit down, I think we can talk abo–”

“No, I don’t want to sit down, Y/N! Why are you making things up about me? Telling people I’m a serial douchebag? That I go after every new hire and dangle them around until someone new comes along? I’m not–I don’t do that, Y/N! That’s not me at all!” he yells, and you know that you’d fucked up. You could feel the rage that you had begun to suppress rising back up in your chest now that he had brought everything to the surface again.

You stepped back, crossing your arms defensively across your chest. You decided to speak slowly and calmly, hoping that it would bring him down a few notches so that you really could talk civilly.

“Josh, honey, I know that I may have said some bad things, some untrue things. And I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have made up those lies, and I especially shouldn’t have told them to someone as impressionable as Jamie. And I’m so, so sorry about that. But… honestly Josh, I think I might be starting to believe my own lie, it feels more and more like reality as the days go on… don’t you think?”

He shook his head side to side, his cheeks red. “No, what do you even mean? Reality?”

“Josh, you can’t tell me you’re oblivious to what happened to us, come on now. We went from spending nearly every free second together, becoming involved in each other’s lives, and then you go on some mystery trip and come back a whole different person. You ignore me, ice me out, you don’t reply to me anymore or even treat me the same way when you do talk, so yeah, maybe I was just one of those new hires that you dangled along until something shinier and new came along! I’m not stupid, Josh, I’ve begged you to talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. But you never did, I guess I didn’t mean as much to you as you meant to me. And honestly, it’s fucked up. I deserve better than that.” Your words were spewing, but you meant each and every last one. You got your point across, and said everything you wanted to say. Now the ball was in his court.

Josh stayed silent as you watched his jaw tighten over and over again, the redness in his cheeks paling to a soft pink as he eventually sat down, laying his head in his hands with defeat.

“You’ve got it all wrong, Y/N,” you could barely hear him through his ragged breathing. “All wrong.”

You rushed over to sit beside him on the couch, still feeling that same draw to him no matter how upset and angry you really were. “I’m wrong? Then tell me what the truth is, Josh. I’m right here, I’ve always been ready to listen…”

He paused for a few more seconds before finally sitting up, his eyes watery and puffed as he took a deep breath through his mouth. “I went… I went back home. To my hometown. On my trip, that’s where I was…” he trailed off, pursing his lips. “My ex, he uhm. He’d gotten ahold of me, told me he regretted everything that had happened with us, wanted to meet up and talk it out, see if there was any part of our relationship that could be mended.” He swallowed hard, you knew this was probably hard for him to say out loud. So you placed a comforting hand on his arm again, patting it a few times to let him know you were still listening.

“So we did, we went back home and started where we had left off, talking things out and hearing each other’s side of things for the first time since he left. We were long distance, remember? So things weren’t easy even then, when I thought we were happy. We spent a few days together, very cordially. I spent the nights at my parents’, so he and I usually met for breakfast and then spent the day hiking or… whatever. Giving ourselves ample time to converse. And we did. Uh, we worked through a lot of issues that the both of us had, hang-ups that the other didn’t even know existed at the time.”

Josh turned to finally make eye contact with you, choking back a few stray tears. “And it was good, I thought we got to a really good place. But. The time came for us to have to leave, and… it uh. Really didn’t go as planned, our goodbye. It felt like a real, actual goodbye. Like we’d spent the time together to air our grievances, but all it did was solidify our decision to keep things the way they had ended up. Completely separated.”

Ah. Well, fuck.

“Josh honey, I’m so sorry… that must have been really hard,” you say, feeling so sorrowful for him.

“It wasn’t fun, but I also didn’t go there thinking that one little trip would magically make things good again. I didn’t even really want them to be good again, I just hated leaving things the way we had, hanging by a thread and unsealed like that. Didn’t feel healthy,” he admitted. “I still had things to say.”

He bit his lips in again. “But I realized something the minute I disconnected from him, Y/N…I realized that I’d left you in the exact same predicament that he had left me in. Here, alone, with no explanation of where I had gone. And that hurt me more than anything.” You were surprised, extremely blindsided by this…what? He felt bad for leaving you?

“Josh, I’m confused though, you’ve been back home for days, why have you been icing me out if you felt bad for leaving me like that?” you asked.

“Because, Y/N,” he stood up, “I’ve never had anyone throw me into a mix so horrifyingly perfect as the one you throw me into every single day. Never.”

You placed your hands on the couch beside you. “What? What do you—“

“You scare the ever loving hell out of me, Y/N. You’re—you’re fucking perfect, in every single sense of the word. You’re beautiful, caring, hilarious… You make me feel more seen than any other human I’ve ever met,” he said, standing before you, now. “I’m terrified of you, Y/N.”

Your chest suddenly felt hollow, and your limbs felt heavier than weights. Nothing was making sense…nothing was adding up.

“Then why haven’t you talked to me, Josh? Until right now? If I’m all those things for you, why didn’t you know that you could come to me and explain instead of making me feel so stupid the past few weeks?” you defend yourself. “I missed you, I told you that.”

“Because, Y/N, because… I’m a dumb fucking guy, I guess. I thought if I ignored you, maybe things would go away. Maybe I could lie to myself and say that I was making it all up in my head. I wasn’t ready to move on, Y/N. I wasn’t ready to dive back in again and settle down. You know I hate fucking change. I thought that meeting up with him would distract me from you, I guess. Give me something else to focus on. But it didn’t. It didn’t work at all. It only made me realize how much better you are than he ever was to me. So I needed to push you away, see if I could escape from your fucking chokehold on me instead of just letting myself swim into it. But, I swear to god, these last few days I realized my stupid plan wasn’t working. And I can’t get you out of my head. No matter how hard I fucking try.”

Another bombshell. They just kept fucking falling.

“So then, at the bar tonight, I was trying one last ditch attempt at it. Seeing if I could go one whole night without typing up a reply to you, only to catch myself and erase it again. I needed to see if I could do it. But then, Jamie got too drunk and told me what you said about me, how I tried to swoop in on new hires and take them home, then do nothing but break their hearts. She told me you said I was a real dick, Y/N. Told the rest of the guys about it, too. Had them all starting to believe it. So it pissed me off. I told them that wasn’t true, I’d never treat anyone that way. Told them they could believe what they wanted, but my intentions and my character would never reflect that. Then I left, and here I am. Realizing that I had done that exact thing to you, Y/N. Only with a lot more twists and turns than they were aware of.”

“Josh, I never meant for that rumor to take hold, or spread…I—I was so upset, so jealous that she was going after you, and you were giving her the attention. I was stupid, and I regret it. I promise tomorrow I will make it all right. I’ll tell everyone I made it up,” you tell him, your words holding truth. You did feel shitty about it.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Josh finally muttered after a few seconds of silence. “I have no excuses as to why I treated you that way, other than saying that I made a really dumb decision. You deserved better than that, but I also deserve to not have lies made up about me and my integrity.”

You nodded, tears starting to fall from your eyes, too. “I know, Josh. I’ll fix it. I’ll fix it.”

You feel his hand come up to catch the tear before it falls, the gentle contact feeling like a hundred lives of love. “I’ll fix it too, Y/N. I promise, I will. I missed you, I missed you so bad,” he said, finally wrapping his arms all the way around your neck, pulling you into him in the warmest embrace you’d felt in ages, finally breaking through the ice and back into his swirling mix of happy and sweet.

“I missed you too, Josh. Please believe me…I hated this separation from you, it didn’t feel right.”

“I know, it didn’t feel right to me either. Do you know how hard it was to stay away from you like that?” he said, his voice choking into your shoulder as you held each other.

“No one forced you to do that, Josh,” you said, pulling away to look at him. “You’re right, you made a dumb fucking guy decision, you know that you could have talked to me about it, you know that if you wanted our relationship to move into something else, I would have been ready to do so however you wanted. I never would have guilted you or pulled you into something that we both didn’t think was right.”

“I know. I know I know. I can see that, now. Now that you held a mirror up in front of my face,” he laughed a little.

A silence fell between the two of you as you both sat in your guilt, realizing your faults on all ends of the spectrum. Neither of you had made good, conscious decisions, but at least neither of you were too proud to admit to it and finally take the responsibility.

Finally, you gathered the courage to ask… the real root of what could have been giving you a hint to this all along.

“Is that why you won’t sleep with me?” you asked, your voice small and quiet.

The emotion that came over his features nearly broke you in two, his eyes falling and his mouth puckering up into the most pitiful pout. He took a quick breath, and your hands in his, his shoulders slumping forward as he gathered his own courage to answer.

“I think so…” He trailed off, his expression suddenly looking like his mind was racing with recognition of his innermost thoughts. “I actually… Probably so. I don’t think I have ever consciously decided that…” his eyes were scanning and darting around as if his mouth couldn’t keep up with his mind. “I want you, Y/N, I hope to god that you know that. I have wanted that with you for a long, long time. That shared experience. I guess I… had some type of wall built up, some kind of false narrative in my head that once we crossed that threshold, there wouldn’t be any looking back. Our fate would be sealed.”

You grinned, “Josh, baby, that’s ridiculous.”

“Ugh, I know,” he huffed. “But is it really, though? Sex can be just as mental for men as it is for women, trust me,” he explained.

“I’m sure, I’m sure,” you nodded.

“I guess I thought that if… If I had you like that, then my feelings would somehow be locked in, and I just…”

“You weren’t ready for that,” you replied.

He shook his head slowly, side to side as he eyed you again with pity. “Guess I really wasn’t. But, spending that time back home with him felt so… I dunno, bleak? Like we were both faking it to appease the other. I don’t hate him, and I think that’s mutual…we just needed to realize that maybe we aren’t what each other needed anymore so that we could both move forward in our lives. On to better things.”

“That makes sense,” you nodded in return. “I totally get that.”

Another silence fell on the both of you as you relaxed back onto your couch, re-covering yourself with the robe you’d thrown on. Josh mimicked your action, the back of his neck hitting the plush cushions of your couch as he fell back with a huff. “So, what now?”

You shrugged, not having much of a clue seeing as how the two of you hadn’t spoken this much in weeks. Your heart was still torn to shreds, feeling beaten down and kicked around after enduring so much time of tension. But for Josh, you knew you would find the patience somewhere. You just hoped he would do the same for you.

“Can we just sit?” he asked, leaning down to untie his shoelaces.

“You’re not gonna go back to the bar?” you asked, thrown off yet again. Even after the conversation, it still felt like he was distant.

He scrunched up his face in distaste as he tossed his shoes into the corner, pulling the blanket down off the back of your couch. “No, was kinda lame there tonight. Plus I really like Jamie, but if she said the phrase ‘ya know’ to me one more time…”

You grunted a laugh, knowing exactly what he was talking about. “Ah come on Josh, she’s sweet,” you said cheekily as he pulled the blanket over to cover your legs.

“Never said she wasn’t sweet. She just… thinks our work friendship is going to turn into something else, and it’s just not. I was just trying to be the nice guy, ya know?”

You playfully slapped him across the arm as the two of you leaned back into the cushions, fully facing one another now as you scooted yourself closer to him. His warmth. His hand habitually gripping both of your bent knees onto his lap.

“You are the nice guy, Josh. That’s what I love about you. You made me feel comfortable there before anyone else did. And you were just doing the same for Jamie,” you explained, all the while knowing that from the outside looking in, it truly really might’ve looked like Josh was a serial douche bag. “I’m just glad you really aren’t what I made you out to be.”

“No, m’not,” he breathed, looking across the room blindly. “I swear, I never expected to fall for you so hard, Y/N. I really missed our times, I’m sorry I wasn’t here to keep them going. Keep you happy.”

You let your hand fall to the crown of his head, ringing his curls around your fingers mindlessly as your mind rushed with how you normally used to spend these nights, wrapped up in each other so explicitly that you sometimes wondered if you’d ever tire of one another. Now you know that you wouldn’t have. Your pull to him was powerful and so intense that when the cable was cut you were positive you’d gone blind, wandering around without your muse to keep your mind at ease. His hand was drifting up and down your barren leg, now, sending a shiver through you that you hoped he didn’t catch on to.

“S’okay, Josh. I’m sorry, too. It’s been lonely without you.” You leaned your forehead down toward him, finally breathing him in again for the first time in so long. His scent felt like home.

He exhaled, relaxing his own forehead against yours as his hands hugged you in a little tighter. Just being near him again had you completely forgetting about all the bad things, all the ill feelings that have plagued you these past couple of weeks. Your body was already reacting to his touch, the magnetism toward him gaining strength with each passing second.

“Will you let me come home, Y/N?”

Your heart fell off it’s high horse, tumbling down into the pit of your stomach as you replayed his words in your mind, letting them soak in like peeks of sunshine through the trees. He thought of you as home, too.

“Yeah baby, you can come home,” you breathed, the elation filling you so fully that you couldn’t stop your lips from crashing onto his, your hand curling in his hair and pulling him in close. His deep inhale at the surprise of your actions let you know that he had been wanting this maybe even more than you had, his hand moving from your knees to harshly trailing up your thigh. You pulled away after the quick connection, wanting nothing more than to see the expression on his face after you had made the surprise move.

He grit his teeth as you realized his eyes had gone dark, his lips wet and puffed just from the short, forceful kiss. “Thank god,” he breathed with a rattle, reaching both his hands down to your waist to pick you up with ease, bringing you to straddle your knees across his lap.

“Jo–” you could barely get his name out before he was crashing onto you again, his hands already squeezing tightly at your thighs as you rested your hands on his shoulders. He craned forward, bringing the kiss into something more serious as his tongue began dancing with yours, still burning and sweet with whatever drink he had chosen at the bar before Jamie’s barstool confessional sent him raging mad toward your house.

God, you had fucking missed him so badly. More than you had even noticed, you guessed, as you finally felt the familiar burning touch of his fingertips working their way up your legs to your hips and around to your back as you allowed your robe to fall open. Everything finally felt right again.

Breaking away from his kiss seemed like a sin so wretched that you didn’t dare commit it as the honeyed taste of him ravished your body for the first time in so long. The scene quickly became much more wanting than it was just seconds ago, a mess of flailing hands and arms reaching and grabbing and making up for lost time.

You felt your lungs begin to want to gasp for air, and just as you couldn’t take the lack of oxygen any longer, Josh broke away, his mouth immediately reconnecting to your throat. Your head tilted back on its own as the wetness of his mouth peppered kisses down the length of it, finally landing between your breasts. His hooded eyes peered at you through his thick lashes, the smirk on his face asking you permission to go a little further, so of course you nodded. Is hands gripped the cups of your sports bra, freeing your tits of their confines as he pressed his face lovingly between them, his tongue drifting across one and to the other as he lightly teased your nipples.

You giggled at the touch, feeling giddy and tickled as he switched between light nips and harsh kisses, praising one of his favorite parts of your body that he had so missed. His hands didn’t forget their places on your hips, jerking you forward to press against him as you straddled. Your legs spread a bit wider as pleasure began overtaking your mindset instead of it reeling itself to death. Excitement was soon overtaken by something much more sinister. You could feel him hard beneath you, as you so often did, and you wondered if things were leading toward something else tonight.

You wouldn’t hold it against him if not, knowing that things are still touchy and probably a bit filtered for him. And for you. But also, if you started to see things going in that direction, you most definitely wouldn’t say no.

Your body rolled into him, instantly pushing your core down onto him in search of furthering it’s own pleasure. He moaned at the feeling, jerking his hips up as you began to grind a little. You wouldn’t know that he was falling in love with not only the visual of you on top of him…with only the barrier of his jeans and your underwear making the disconnect that he had so desperately wanted to fulfill, but he was also falling in love with the feeling of the essence of you. Your absence from one another had forced him into a rut he didn’t even know he was in, looking for distractions and diversions to take his mind elsewhere… anything to get the vision of your face from his mind while he figured himself out.

But at least he made the admission. It had lifted a weight off of him that he hadn’t realized was forcing him down into the ground like heavy gravity, the guilt of leaving you in the dust because of his own disposition making him feel like shit. So he decided to seize it, not letting one more second pass that didn’t include you, his one and only stimulation in life. In only the span of a couple of weeks, he’d learned what life felt like without you in it, and he’d be damned if he went any further without living each and every second enraptured in your goodness.

“Fuck, I missed you…” Josh mumbled as he pulled you to him, whispering in your ear as he trailed kisses down the column of your neck. “I’m so sorry baby, this is where I belong, I swear to god it is…”

With his words, you grinded down harder onto him, your hands tangled in his hair and massaging on his shoulders as you pressed yourself harder. “Mmm,” you agreed, the tiniest whimper falling from your lips as he bit down a little on your right nipple. “I missed you more… Missed this the most…” you admitted through already clouded visions of what was to come next.

Within seconds Josh was pulling the shoulders of your robe down, watching as the front tie finally loosened and the fabric pooled around your waist. Josh hissed a harsh growl through his teeth as he pulled back, meeting your eyes with a devilish glare. His jaw tightened hard as his the fingertips of his right hand trailed down your chest and stomach, a barely-there touch that had your body shuddering. Then his fingers landed right on your heat, his middle finger pressing against your clit and making tiny circles over your underwear. You let out a quiet shriek at his touch, laughing through a breath as he ripped your panties to the side, hooking them in his grasp while his thumb finally made contact in the exact place you wanted him.

Your voice was shrill as the pad of his thumb went to work, the pressure and the movement so perfect it was like you hadn’t spent any time apart, at all. Your wrist lazily rested on his shoulder as you closed your eyes, leaning back to give him better access. You felt your neck roll a little as your hips began to swirl on his hand, your wetness already pooling and falling into your panties. “Fuck, Josh…” you moaned, slightly embarrassed by hearing yourself fall apart already.

“Mmmhm… fuck, you don’t know how good it sounds to hear my name like that…” he said, jutting his hips up onto you. He pulled your panties even tighter, letting his middle finger play at your entrance while the rushing of his thumb never stopped. “God you’re already there for me, aren’t you baby? You look so good right here…”

Your sounds quickly turn into desperation as his middle finger presses further inside, the slight stretch making your hand grip onto his shoulder while the other one rests on his knee behind you for stability. Luckily, with the lack of actual sex with Josh, the two of you had become extremely well-versed in the other forms of the act, becoming professionals with pleasing the other in all ways but one. His finger began to pump slowly, working itself inside you as he hooked it and perfectly brushed the most sensitive spot deep inside you. Your mind fuzzed with static as you realized you were near the peak already; how quickly he knew exactly how to get you there.

You wanted more, you wanted all of him, you always had. But you knew better now that to push the issue like you used to. If it was going to happen, it was going to be his decision. You’d bargain that he knew exactly where you stood on the matter.

You felt your teeth digging into your bottom lip as your hips swirled, the pleasure already blinding as you’d gone so long without the touch of his hands. His free hand was still gripping your waist and guiding your movements, pulling you even more harshly against his still-clothed length.

Like he had read your mind, he suddenly stopped, gently pulling himself from you and pushing you backward a little to stand up. The loss of his touch made you want to scream as the delicious buildup was beginning to be too much, anyway. So you stood, willing to go along with whatever it was he wanted, tonight. He stood up as well and undid his belt, letting his pants fall from his waist and onto the floor.

You helped him by jerking at the bottom hem of his shirt, ripping it up over his head and dispensing it on the floor. You’d forgotten just how beautiful he was underneath his clothes, his torso chiseled and arms strong and inviting. His chest was heaving at the sight of you and the mess of the situation, and if you didn’t know any better you’d think that he was unaware the night would end up here, just the same as you were.

Just from the light in his eyes though, you could tell that he didn’t have any regrets. You made the move to push him back down onto the couch, wasting no time in placing your open palm against his length while connecting your mouth with his again. It was like his sweetness had a new air of addiction to it, now that all of your feelings for one another had begun to come uncovered. You hadn’t brushed by the fact that he had admitted his feelings for you were stronger than he’d even noticed, and you were yet to tell him that you had felt the same, all this time.

As he fell back into his seat, letting you take charge this time, you snaked your legs across him again and landed on your knees, craning high above him as your hand never left his length. You kneaded and squeezed, feeling him grow harder and harder as you pleased him, kissing him hard again. He whimpered quietly into your mouth and it nearly sent you back into that same frame of mind again, but you wanted to stay clear-headed.

“You drive me fuckin’ crazy, Josh. You know that?” you smiled onto him, making his eyelashes flutter as he suckled at your bottom lip. “Everything about you.”

“Is that a good thing? Or,” he grinned, his hands finding their place on your hips again.

“It is now,” you crooned. “I was crazy mad before… Crazy sad that you’d iced me out… But before all that I was just crazy into you. Wanted you around all the time, wanted your full attention, wanted you to be able to call me yours and no one else’s.” You weren’t sure where you were going with the admission, but you had to meet him on his level after he’d bared a bit of his soul to you. You leaned down to avoid his eyes just in case he was nervous, and you began lightly digging your teeth into his shoulder as you continued sneaking your hand into his boxer briefs.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he shuddered at your touch, his body crunching in on itself from the contact. “Yes…”

Your hand gripped his shaft and worked its way up his length, and you found that your hand had missed the feeling of him, too. You lightly massaged his tip, making his whole body rush and writhe beneath you. “Feel good, baby? Always wanna make you feel good, missed hearing your sounds…” you said, taking back a little bit of that control to urge him on.

You stayed this way for another minute or so, working him up just as he had done for you. He was already impossibly hard in your hand, and you could tell he was nearing that point, his teeth biting into your shoulder and his hand pulling you down to brush against him at every pause in your movement. The both of you had reached points of ferality, your hunger for each other coming back full force.

His hand reached behind you and gripped your ass hard, pulling at the muscle with such tension it almost hurt. But that’s how you knew that he was having a hard time keeping it together. Your heart raced in your chest as you felt his breathing stagger, the closeness and intimacy both teetering on the edge of becoming something more than either of you had bargained for tonight.

“Let’s go… into your bedroom. Let’s go,” he demanded, making moves to lift you from your straddle.

He stood tall with you in his arms, your legs wrapped tightly around him so you didn’t fall.

“Are–Are you sure, Josh?” you asked, halfway knowing that this might be the moment you’ve been waiting for, but also one hundred percent ready to keep taking things slow, no matter how bad your body craved him.

“Positive. I’m tired of this… I want… No, I need you, Y/N,” he explained, making his way toward your bedroom door.

He kicked it closed behind him before dispersing you on the mattress, bouncing a few times as he flicked the light off to darken the room almost completely. All you could see was his perfect silhouette from the ambient light from the window, kicking his boxers all the way off before shifting them to the side. You removed your own bra and tossed it aside as you felt the familiar feeling of him reaching under you to pull you back to the edge of your bed. He ripped your panties off and tossed them away, too, before rubbing his hands along the insides of your thighs, making them fall apart.

“One more taste of you, though,” he growled before connecting his tongue to your soaked core.

“Oh my god, Josh… fuck…” you cried rather loudly as your hands found his locks. You pulled at them without a lick of shyness, wanting him buried between your legs like you had imagined for nights on end during the time spent without him. His tongue jumped into action as he licked up all your wetness, sending himself deeper and deeper inside you, his actions pointed and messy all at the same time.

“Mmm,” he crowed, and you knew then that he truly did miss this just as much as you did. There was nothing like it. Nothing like him. No one had ever given you the same amount of pleasure and adoration as he had. And you hoped to god that he was here to stay, this time.

Your lower belly began tightening with waves of pleasure, but you suspected that it was more due to the excitement that you were finally going to experience him for all that he was, as raw and delicious and perfect as you had always imagined. You fought back the euphoria that he was already quickly getting you to, knowing that you wanted to savor this feeling for all that it was worth.

He could tell you were close as you began actively trying to calm your breathing, stifling away any impending concentration on trying not to orgasm.

He took that as his cue to push you further back on the bed, crawling his way up your body as the two of you finally met, completely unclothed and baring your souls to one another. Finally.

“Josh, please don’t feel like you have to do this, I completely understand,” you reasoned as he guided his tip up through your soaked folds. Just that sensation alone had your eyes rolling back in your head. God that was so fucking…

“I want to, god damnit, I need you,” he said, his voice chopped with desire. “Been waiting too long for this, for you…”

Your legs spread wider for him as he teased you, collecting up your wetness and savoring the feeling of the two of you finally connecting. Your body was burning with want, and you were terrified that you would be close to the edge again as soon as he entered you, but you held out hope.

“I’m fucking over the just friends shit, Y/N. I’m done with it. I can’t keep lying to you, lying to myself…” he raised up on his elbow to get a better look at your face as he pulled a few stray hairs clear. “Tell me you feel the same…”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Josh? I’ve wanted you since the second I met you, since the day you talked me off the edge in the walk-in…” you hummed. “Something different about you, and I knew it. Been craving you ever since…”

“Craving me, huh?” he huffed with a heavy air of confidence. “Awfully powerful emotion.”

You pursed your lips as you shook your head, your hips rutting into his touch. “More than a craving. You make me think about shit, make me want a future. No one else has ever understood me like you do, baby. And we’ve got so much more to learn about each other…”

He knew you were right. Things had been this good for a while now, and if it weren’t for this latest hiccup, the two of you would have been on the road to oblivion together, sharing more than just work secrets and pleasure-filled evenings after too many drinks at the bar.

“I’m serious, Y/N. I wanna be more with you,” he admitted with a harsh swallow. He pressed himself inside you just a little, giving you a sliver of a taste of what else he had to offer.

“Then let’s do it, let’s be more,” you agreed, positive of the fact that you could see right through your current lust for him and into what you believe will be a healthy, steady relationship.

“Yeah?” he asked, and you could tell he was smiling. “You sure?”

“Never been more positive,” you relayed as he pressed a little further, making your skin crawl with the delicious satisfaction of getting exactly what you wanted, after all this time.

Josh sweetly pressed his lips to yours, and pressed himself inside you, inch by delicious inch until he was fully seated.

Finally, finally.

There wasn’t any way to describe how it felt, only whispers of sounds and attempted strings of letters meant to be words falling from both of your lips as you let yourselves relish in the thrill. Cloud nine didn’t even begin to explain it, and euphoria was way behind in the string of feelings that your mind, body, and soul were experiencing.

It was as if he completed you in ways that you didn’t know needed completing, filling in all your empty spaces and wholly baring his entirety to you in a way that only he could.

“Fuckkkkkk…” was all you could mutter, and a sharp inhale was all he could breathe, his jaw hanging agape as he took you in.

He began moving inside you, pulling out ever so slowly and then pushing back in again with light force. Electric shocks filled your system and deep rolls of pleasure threatened your psyche, making you positively dizzy with overwhelming satisfaction. Your hand jolted up to your own hair, pulling it back from your face as you fought with desperation. There was no way he felt this good…

“Good baby?” he asked quietly in your ear, beginning to pick up a little bit of a pace.

“Fucking…unreal, Josh,” you mumbled, having trouble formulating anything coherent.

“You’re fucking perfect Y/N, I swear to god…” he breathed as he raised up on both hands, steadying himself above you as he twisted his hips to a new angle. He propped up on his knee as he began rolling his hips, each thrust bottoming out and hitting you impossibly deeper each time. He reached behind him and pulled your leg up to rest around his waist, the new angle making you cry out in a sweet pain for just a second until he worked you through it.

The sounds bouncing off the walls were borderline embarrassing, but neither of you cared. You were locked in, completely out of control and in it at the same time as your bodies ravished one another beyond any point of authority. It was intense, and it was uncontrolled, but damn if it wasn’t beyond every single thing you had ever imagined. He leaned down on his elbows to put his face close to yours, bringing you into a deep and sweet kiss. Nothing could have prepared you for this. You always knew you had chemistry, but this…

He picked up speed for a minute or so as you cried out, his own sounds beginning to creep through his chest and into the hot air of the room. Half of you wanted to push him to his back and let you take over, but you’d wager that he wanted this. Wanted to continue to prove to himself that this was the right decision, tonight. And hopefully, for a long time to come.

He suddenly slowed, just as you felt the knot in your stomach tightening to a point of no return, and began to slowly and steadily pump in and out of you. The crude sounds suddenly ceased, and you were left with him swaying his hips in a motion not unlike the waves crashing onto the sand, lazy and slow and with tempo.

“Josh, I feel…” you couldn’t even get the words out as your throat had gone dry, aching itself as you gasped for air. You shook the thought and met his eyes, full of so much adoration you felt like you could cry.

“Me too, baby, me too…” he agreed as he continued on with gently and deeply kissing you, letting his tongue keep in rhythm with his hips. There was nothing you could think of that could top this feeling, except the notion that maybe you could do this again and again and again, letting your love for Josh grow like a watered seed in early spring. There was nothing you wanted more than to watch him grow into your counterpart, and you a person he could positively call his. “Just let me know what you want, it’s yours…”

“Just want you, just want this…all the time…” you begged, feeling your insides begin to twist. He nodded hard, agreeing with you as he let out a sweet ‘mhmm’.

“You feel so good baby, so perfect…” he sang after a few seconds, his voice hanging on for dear life as he sat back on his heels, giving him a full view of you. His hand drifted down to your core again, tracing harsh circles over your clit as he continued his thrusts. The added stimulation made your head want to explode. He pulled your ankles up to rest on his shoulders, leaning in to you and allowing for a much deeper, much more challenging position. “So fuckin’ tight,” he grit, his teeth grinding against one another as he began to lose the composure of his patterned thrusts.

“Josh, fuck…” you cried pitifully, your hands digging hard into the muscles of his shoulders. “Keep going keep going…”

“It’s yours, baby, let me have it…” he commanded, and you knew right then you’d give him anything he’d ever ask for. His eyes were sparkling and dark in the dim light of the room, and the thin sheen of sweat on his forehead made you dizzy with a new attraction to him. He’d never know how beautiful he really is.

You felt your abdomen tighten again as you fluttered around him, letting him know that you were close. He began picking up speed again as his hips pounded into the backs of your legs, and you could feel him twitching deep inside you. You began humming through the impending pleasure, your nails digging hard into his back as you let the buildup overtake you.

His chest grunted in pleasure as you both raced for the finish line, knowing that the other was right there alongside. It overtook you in more ways than one, your body tightening in on his as you let yourself feel it wrapping around your bones, around your entire being. He felt better than anything you could have ever imagined. Anything anyone else could have ever promised. You paid close attention to how his body reacted to his own release, shaking and crying out in the most beautiful song you’d ever heard.

And it was all because of you.

When all was said and done and the both of you returned to a place of coherency, you could do nothing but smile ear to ear as his glazed-over eyes took you in, placing tiny sweet kisses all over your face as he stayed buried inside you, not wanting to part.

You both lazed for what felt like an hour, nestling in under the covers after a quick cleanup in the bathroom. Josh’s voice never raised above a whisper for the rest of the night, his sweet nothings making your heart swell with gratitude for him. Finally, the one thing you’d been wanting all along, and what Josh had unknowingly been too afraid to to jump to, finally happening in such a beautiful way the both of you had no idea why you waited so long.

“Hope I made your decision worthwhile,” you bit, a bit shy to be laying the situation back out on the table.

“Psssh… you surpassed any caution that I might have held, babe. Perfect…in every way.” His hand laid across your cheek as his thumb brushed across the soft skin, basking in the afterglow that he now wished he would have never held back on. “M’sorry we didn’t do that sooner, I guess… I guess you were right. I was too scared of my own shadow. Should have been showing you how I felt all along.”

“You were worth every single second of the wait, Josh. Maybe it wasn’t meant to happen til now,” you suggested, realizing that maybe the both of you needed that bit of separation to let yourselves feel that the lack of closeness wasn’t rational, at all.

He took you up in his arms, pulling you in close to his chest. You breathed him in, letting yourself relax into his scent and his comfort. “You gonna let me call you mine, now?” he asked, his voice so quiet you barely heard him.

But his words made your chest blossom with admiration. The one thing that’s made the most sense in your new life, finally coming to fruition.

“I’ve always been yours, Josh. Since my first day at Angelo’s,” you giggled across the pillow as you lifted your leg to lazily drop over his hip.

He laughed out loud, rolling to his back a little as his hand lovingly fell to caress your thigh. His elbow fell across his face as he yawned, the effects of the night finally taking hold over him.

“Ten,” he said matter of factly.

“What?” you asked through your own yawn.

“I give you a ten. Nothing more, nothing less,” he uncovered his eyes and rolled to kiss your forehead, and then your nose, and then your lips. Everything about the gesture made you warm with love for him, grateful for the man that finally let himself feel.

“My girl, the perfect ten.”

Taglist: @britney-gvf @sacredstarcatcher @wetkleenex-gvf @farfromthehomelands @takenbythemadness @writingcold @builtbybrokenbells @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @fleet-of-fiction @milkgemini @gvfpal @ageofcj@dancingcarbon @highway-tuna @stardustjake @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface @gvfmarge @gracev0609 @myleftsock @literal-dead-leaf @peaceloveunitygvf @ageofbajabule @slut4lando @jordie-gvf @sadiechar @tinydancer40 @rosabellagvf @capnjaket @lyndz2names @thetroublegetssoloud71 @gretavanomens @spark-my-nature @josh-iamyour-mama @anythingforjtk @alwaysonthemend @danieljlmwagner @klarxtr @fortunatelytinybasement @demonrat444 @gretavansara @watchingover-hypegirl @hippievanfleet @digitalnomadz @raviolilegs @lipstickitty @hippievanfleet @klarxtr @strange-whorizons @do-it-jakey-baby @myownparadise96 @gvf-luna @starshine-wagner@cassiesgreta @joopsandjangs @whimsiliz @kiszkas-canvas@whimsiliz @joopsandjangs @broken0mens @scoreofinfantryvines @whereiskeara @do-it-jakey-baby @miravanfleet @heckingfrick @gretavangroupie @dayumclarizzel @lilbitx @ageofbajabule

89 notes · View notes

epicbuddieficrecs · 9 months ago

Text

Weekly Recap | September 23rd-30th 2024

Spooky season is upon us friends! Are y'all buzzing after that premiere? 😅

if you know anyone who's not tagged, please tag them in the comments!

Complete

these hands not fit for holding by justhockey (S8E01: Buzzkill Coda | 3K | Teen): “Can you look at me, please?” Eddie asks so sweetly that Buck doesn’t have the heart to deny him. He turns his head to the side so he’s looking at Eddie, and he lets his eyelids flutter open. He’s instantly met with Eddie’s warm, chestnut gaze, and it soothes some of the panic in Buck’s chest. Eases some of the hurting in his bones. “They you are,” Eddie whispers. “I don’t like it when you hide from me.”

Nothin' But A Little Shut Eye by Tizniz/ @tizniz (Pre-Buddie | 4K | General): Buck and Eddie accidentally nap together. And then keep napping together.

a sweetheart (to hold when i'm alone) by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (S8E01: Buzzkill, Cat Dad Eddie | 4K | Teen): “You sure you’re gonna be okay?” Buck asks, just as Tommy calls out, “Evan, the Uber’s here.” “Go, Buck,” Eddie says. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” The door closes, and Eddie comes so, so close to running to throw it open again, to calling out after them. To saying please stay. But he doesn’t. He stays on the couch, party hat strapped to his head, laptop closed on the coffee table. He stays, and he stares at nothing, and he wonders whether six thirty is too early to go to sleep. Probably.

Helping Hand by Inell/ @inell (PWP, Established Buddie | 5K | Explicit): When Eddie arrives early for their date, he catches Buck in a compromising position and offers him a helping hand.

🔥 stay here honey (i don't wanna share) by prettybegins (Post-S7, Getting Together | 14K | Mature): “Look,” Chimney’s back to a frantic whisper and Eddie can hear the sound of metal clanking together in the ambulance. “You gotta promise you’re not going to tell anyone I told you this. Promise me, Eddie.” “Tell anyone what?” “Eddie,” he groans into the phone, dropping his voice low. “Buck is going to go with Tommy. To New York.” or, amidst his son leaving for Texas, a sexuality crisis in his 30s, and the possibility of losing his best friend, Eddie can’t seem to catch a break.

🔥 the wayward son by brewrosemilk/ @gayhoediaz (Post-S7 Spec, Sex Club | 56K | Explicit): Eddie misses his son, grows a mustache, pines after his best friend, and becomes a regular at a gay sex club. That last part is either an indulgence or an inevitable, somewhat self-destructive conclusion to several decades worth of compulsory heterosexuality and catholic guilt. Don’t ask him which.

& such by colonoscopys/ @colonoscopys (80K | Teen): prompts and spec fics and codas and all the works jumbled mumbled into one place.

(you should totally read the whole thing but I'll recommend a couple of specific chapters!)

Chapter 2: fuck josh russo (Post-S5E11: Outside Looking In | 4K) Chapter 6: diaz parents we fight at dawn (Sick Eddie, Hen POV | 2K) Chapter 7: guess i'm broken by design (Post-S4E04: 9-1-1 What's Your Grievance? | 2,7K) Chapter 9: you can let it go (Adriana POV | 11K) Chapter 11: dumb and dumber (Post-S5E01: Panic | 2K) 🔥Chapter 12: evergreen (Canon Divergent, Buddie Break Up, Shannon Lives, Angst | 13K) 🔥Chapter 13: made of honor au (15K) Chapter 17: let me sit this ASSSSSSS (Post-Poker Date | 3K | Explicit) Chapter 19: not talking fic (S8, Getting Together | 4,5K)

WIP

🔥 how come everybody's dancing but you? by showedupatyourparty (Post-S7 Spec, Eddie Sexuality Crisis | 2/4 | 19K | Mature): Buck feels guilty. Everyone he loves is going through something painful, difficult, or unexpected right now. And Buck is just…bisexual. It’s great that he’s figured it out, and it’s great that everyone has been so supportive, and Tommy is—Tommy is fine. The sex is good, at least. Consistent. When Buck gets a call from Eddie’s phone late on a Tuesday night in June, it’s cause for concern. * Buck unpacks his own feelings about his recently-discovered bisexuality. Eddie gets adopted by drag queens. They're both just trying their best to be happy.

🔥 for all the haunts and homes of men by euadnes/ @kananjarus (Canon Divergent, Post-Apocalyptic, Station Eleven Crossover | WIP | 16/18 | 154K | Mature | Warning: Violence): The year by the old calendar is 2025. Home is gone. Home is a failed rescue mission and an echo of a memory. Home is a lost boy living in a wooden house by the sea. But first, there was a promise. Christopher, when it's safe, I'll take you back to your father. Buck had all but given up on keeping it after the world had died and everyone in it. But just as some oaths refuse to be forgotten, so the same can be said about the endurance of love.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, Divergent Post-S6 | 136/? | 434K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

Podfics

[podfic] I'll be the ship, I'll be the shore by All_I_Ask/@alliaskisthepossibilityoflove //fic by farfromthstars/ @doeeyeseddie (Canon Divergent, Post-Ladder Truck Bombing, Dad!Buck, Nurse!Eddie | 1/2 | 2-2.5h | Mature): in a world where Buck has a daughter Christopher's age, he first meets Eddie at their kids' school. Things progress from there

#epic buddie fic rec #buddie fic #buddie fanfic #buddie fanfiction #buddie fic rec

108 notes · View notes

zeravmeta · 9 months ago

Text

I think a good piece of foreshadowing in udul as well as a nod to the looping nature of the world is specifically in andy's past because all the people we see are absolutely just different versions of the characters we know.

josh, sanders and red are just yusai, creed and top in cowboy attire

the old age dream andy has of the different people in his past are all with characters we've met: shen, latla, leila, and lucy

at these points we didn't know that andy's memories were just victors all jumbled up, but I think it's a pretty genius way of showing the differences per loop since we do know each iteration is different from the last. undeads agony is in seeing all these people pass you by and it's extra hellish in a world where you meet the same person over and over again doing nothing but dying in new ways

#zerav meta #undead unluck

72 notes · View notes

evilvalentin3 · 11 months ago

Text

jumble josh

#max design pro #angus #traditional art #ohuhu markers #fanart

68 notes · View notes

doubtliv · 3 months ago

Text

Miss me? ; Joshler

Josh finds himself missing a certain someone.. (bottom!Josh Top!Tyler/Blurry) ( part one ! )

Josh felt weird. Really weird.

You see, he had a slight problem… he deeply missed his boyfriend’s alter ego, Blurryface. It had gotten especially bad however a week after the first time he had ever met the man.

Just a week and half ago, Josh was being fucked by the man, so good he was a slurring mess, but now? Radio silence. Well, almost. Occasionally Josh would see glimpses within Tyler, his demeanor shifting momentarily, his eyes flicking to that deep, intoxicating red only to turn brown again. Not to mention the scribbled out notes Josh would find, handwriting far worse than Tyler’s ever was.

Josh knew it was him. Blurryface. Checking in from inside of Tyler’s mind. Yes, Josh loved Tyler, but his head had been a jumbled mess lately, a mess Josh knew only one thing could fix.

”Hey Tyler?” Josh asked, sitting on the bed as the other got changed into his pajamas just feet away. His stomach churned as Tyler turned, not saying anything but clearly listening. “God this is awkward, Um.” Josh began, only feeling more nervous as Tyler came to sit beside him.

“You think I could try bottoming tonight?” Josh finally asked, a faint blush on his face. “It’s just, it felt nice when um, you know.” He looked down a bit, not catching Tyler’s involuntary smirk.

Tyler was silent a moment, topping was never really his thing, but he wanted to try. ‘For Josh.’ He told himself before nodding. “Sure, we can try it out.” He said, wrapping an arm around Josh’s shoulders, pulling him closer and pressing a kiss to him temple.

“Really?” Josh asked, looking up with a small smile on his lips.

Tyler nodded again, grinning back. “Yeah, I mean I don’t see why not.” He said, shrugging. “Just no promises I’ll be much good at it.”

Josh shook his head a little, pecking Tyler’s lips. “It’s okay, You don’t have to be good, just be you.” He said, making Tyler cringe a bit.

“Right, well first off, no more inspiring quotes.” Tyler joked, standing again and pulling the pajama shirt he had just put on, off.

Josh followed, pulling off his clothing and tossing them to the side, looking up at Tyler who’s in response smiled, pushing him down onto his back and easily climbed on top of the other. “You’re sure you want this?” Tyler asked, to which Josh nodded, a little too fast and eager.

Tyler chuckled, lips pressing softly into Josh’s now. Using one hand to prop himself above Josh, the other slowly trailed down his check, finding its way to his cock.

Josh wrapped a hand around Tyler’s neck, furthering the kiss as his hips rocked softly into Tyler’s gentle hands. The room was quiet as they parted lips, Staring at eachother a moment, Tyler watching in awe as Josh slowly let himself relax into the handjob, as Tyler’s hand sped up a bit, Josh’s moans grew slightly, still just soft and airy however.

He pulled up hand away, pecking Josh’s lips again before reaching over to the nightstand to grab a tube of lube. “Tell me if I’m hurting you okay?” He asked, moving to sit between Josh’s legs.

“Promise.” Josh spoke clearly. It was quite how he thought, being fingered by the other. Sure it stung a bit, he knew it would, but Tyler’s gentle touch felt like heaven. It was soft, pleasant, his fingers spreading Josh open with precision. It was nice, too nice.

As Tyler continued, with sweet whispers of praise, Josh lay.. almost bored. Sure it felt great, he wouldn’t still be hard if it did, it just felt… wrong. Too vanilla, too cautious. “Don’t be scared to hurt me, Ty.” Josh said, looking up at the other and offering a small smile.

Tyler sighed, shaking his head a bit. “Sorry, this just.” He pulled his fingers out, wiping them clean on the bed. “I’m not good at this.” He admitted. moving to lay beside Josh.

“Yeah.” Josh agreed, grinning slightly as he looked towards his lover.

“Hey!” Tyler said, nudging Josh with an arm. “You’re supposed to say I was doing amazing!” He argued, a fake pout on his lips.

He smiled down at the other, letting a hand move up to Tyler’s face, thumb rubbing gently over his cheek. “That right?” He asked, head tilting slightly.

Tyler nodded, smiling softly as he allowed Josh to kiss him, slowly the two maneuvering to have Josh hovering over. “Well let me make it up to you then.” He whispered, leaning down and kissing Tyler again. Eyes shutting before they could see the red that flashed in Tyler’s.

Tyler was annoyed with himself the rest of the night. Laying at peace beside a sleeping Josh, staring up towards the ceilings. It would’ve been fine had Josh told him to stop, but really he was the one to chicken out.

“You couldn’t do just this one thing for him?”

“God, not you.” Tyler whispered to the scratchy voice within his mind. He shook it off, adjusting to lay his head closer to Josh’s, fully snuggled in the arms of the other. Regardless of comfort, his guilt, or rather just Blurryface, ate away at him.

The voice rang again, louder this time. “Can’t even fuck your boyfriend? Well aren’t you just a pillow prince.” He croaked. Tyler just shut his eyes, trying to ignore and failing like he did each and every night.

Usually, the two could compromise, Blurry would come out, soak up Josh’s presence just by stating, then they would switch back again. Most nights it would shut the man up, other nights like tonight though, it wouldn’t be so simple.

“I can Tyler.” Blurry began, making Tyler shiver a bit, feeling as if the man was whispering right into his ear. “Watch me take care of him, watch me give him what you never could.”

He squeezed his eyes shut again, groaning slightly as Blurryface continued. “Cmon. You know he wants me. First you won’t fuck him, then you force me out?”

“How is that fair, Tyler?” His voice echoed, fading from one ear to another, driving Tyler mad enough to give in with just a blow to the ear. “Be good for once. Let me have him.”

The switch was quick, Tyler out and Blurry in his spot. Soft brown eyes into intense red ones. The gentle hold he once had on Josh’s arm now a tight, ice cold grip. “Perfect.” Blurry grumbled, as if testing his voice box.

“Not too much.” Tyler blurted from inside the body, to which Blurry only shrugged off.

Skin now cold as ice, Blurryface ran a hand across Josh’s face, trailing the hard lines of his nose and jaw. “Bet you love sitting here, huh Ty?” Blurry spat out, aiming to embarrass his other self. “Too bad I won’t let you ride his perfect face tonight.”

Josh stirred, arms loosening around Blurryface as he flipped onto his stomach, face buried in a pillow, his back curved and smooth. “Hm..” Blurry hummed, running his nails lightly over his skin, following the dip of Josh’s back. “Gonna just have to watch me break him in a million ways. How sad.” He said before finally ending the conversation with the Tyler in his head.

Using his hands, and the hope Josh was a deep enough sleeper, Blurry flipped the man again. Josh now laying on his back, only adjusting slightly before seemingly back into a slumber.

With a sly grin, he moved the blankets, revealing his and Josh’s nude bodies. The two seemingly too exhausted to have gotten up at all after earlier. “Well thanks Ty, making my job oh so easy haven’t you” He whispered, ignoring the worried voice that lingered in his mind.

Blurry stood from the bed, staring daggers down at the sleeping boy. As if on queue, Josh’s sleepy eyes opened, looking around momentarily before landing on the only other person in the room. “Ty? Baby what are you doing up?” He mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he sat up.

With a small smile, Blurry walked out of the room, not saying a word only heading through the house to the kitchen. Obviously, a very confused Josh followed, trailing behind like a dog. “Tyler, what are you doing?” He asked again, stumbling to pull on his boxers before heading out after him.

The two met in the kitchen, Josh walking up behind Tyler. “Babe?” He asked for the last time before Blurry turned around.

The first thing Josh noticed were his eyes, obviously. Deep red, toxic and lustful as ever. The second thing, was the knife he held, the tip pressed to his finger, twisting it slightly but not drawing blood. “Oh fuck.” Was all Josh could muster out before he was being pressed up to the fridge.

“Heard you were missing me?” Blurry began, a cold hand pressed up to Josh’s throat, squeezing it slightly. “That true, Babydoll?”

Josh could fucking melt.

Blurry’s voice was jagged, just a note or two lower than Tyler’s ever was, and it alone could push all the right buttons to get Josh going. “Well?” He asked, pressing into Josh a bit harder. “Don’t leave me hanging now.”

“Yes.” Josh muttered out, his hands now grabbing Blurryface’s wrist, keeping him from fully being choked.

“Told you, Tyler.” Blurry grumbled out, smirking as he pulled his knife up to a josh face, resting the blade on his cheek. “Heard you were so desperate for some attention you asked Tyler to top, yeah?” He asked, a hint of disappointment, no, disgust on his voice as he spoke Tyler’s name.

“Mhm.” Josh hummed out, eyes glued to the knife as it pressed against his skin. He hissed slightly as a small cut formed on his cheek, going from his cheekbone down to his jaw. “Blurry, Please.” He mumbled, looking up the other.

He wasn’t sure what he was asking for. Maybe for the man to release his grip, maybe to be bent over the kitchen counter. He didn’t know. “Blur.” He whispered out again, groaning slightly as the man brought the blade to his collarbone, following its grooves with the tip.

“Tell me, Josh.” Blurry began, allowing the knife to trail down Josh’s bare chest, then stomach, only stopping just above his boxers. Josh whimpered, eyes down, watching nothing but the knife.

A hand came to his jaw, allowing him to breath freely again. The grip was cold, tight. Josh shivered beneath the touch, looking to Blurryface who was stood with a smirk. “You gonna make this worth my while?” He challenged. taking a step closer, nose now brushing against Josh’s.

He was only quiet a moment, unable to even think of words to respond with until he felt the sting of a new, shallow cut on his hip. He tried looking down again, only for Blurry to smack him before gripping at his chin again. “Answer me, unless you don’t actually what this, doll.” Blurry said, a bead of spit hitting Josh’s lips.

“I will.” He spoke, voice soft and shakey compared to Blurry’s. “I promise, just please.. please Blurry.” He said, a look of desperation in his eyes. “Ty, please.”

Blurry chuckles as he released him, taking a few steps back. “Babydoll, you don’t even know who or what you’re beggin’ for.” He said. Words sharper than the knife he held in his hand. “Go upstairs, be a good boy and wait for me, yeah?” Blurry spoke, eyes gesturing to the stairs before locking back onto Josh.

Josh froze momentarily before nodding, moving up through the house, hearing faint footsteps lingering not far behind him. He got in bed, sitting still at the edge, half panicked.

He wanted this, fuck, he needed this. His mind filled with thoughts of Blurryface, thoughts of all the dirty, lewd things he wanted to do with the other. Before he knew it, he was palming himself over his boxers, moaning softly as he pleasured himself.

His stomach twisted however as he looked up, seeing Blurry stood just feet away, glaring as always. “Well someone’s excited, huh mutt?” He began, watching as Josh pulled his hand away from his cock. “Oh, don’t stop on my accord.” He said, moving towards Josh and manually placing his hand back.

Josh looked up, a lost dog truly. “What?”

“Go on.” Blurry said, sitting beside Josh. He hummed, watching as Josh played with himself. “You know Joshua, next time all you gotta do is ask.” He whispered, lips directly beside Josh’s ear. “Had Tyler so scared, so worried he would hurt you..” He continued.

A hand came up, gripping the curls that sat atop Josh’s head. “Think I outta punish you for freaking him out so bad.” He said, grinning wildly.

It was truly a creepy sight. Josh’s heart racing in his chest as he stared up at Blurry. “I.. I didn’t mean-“

“On your fucking knees.” Blurry spat out, releasing his grip from Josh’s curls, using it to slowly pump himself. Josh obeyed, kneeling between Blurry’s legs, eye level with his cock. “You know what to do, right doll?” Blurry asked, tapping his cock against Josh’s lips, forcing them apart.

Josh’s mouth was hot, tongue sliding perfectly over Blurry’s tip as his hands grabbed at his thighs. “Hm..” Blurryface hummed out, hand back in Josh’s hair forcing himself deeper. “God, didn’t tell me you had such a mouth.” He continued, forcibly speed the rhythm up, practically fucking Josh’s face.

Tears formed in Josh’s eyes as his throat was used, not used to the roughness. He groaned around Blurry’s cock, sending vibrations through the other. Deep moans escaped Tyler’s lips, only making things ten times harder for Josh.

A hand slid down Blurry’s leg, reaching now for his own cock before a foot made contact with his budge. A harsh whine followed, eyes now back locked onto Blurry’s. “Little puppy dog thinks he can touch himself?” He asked, pushing himself fully down Josh’s throat, holding him there.

Josh whimpered, his cock being slightly crushed by Blur’s foot, his throat so full it was difficult to breathe, his nose pressing right up against the happy trail that sat on Blurry’s lower stomach.

“Work for it.”

With those last words, Blurry released Josh, allowing him to move freely. Josh whined, yet he continued pleasing Blurryface. His tongue lying flat in his mouth, taking in as much as he could with each bob of his head.

He groaned, picking up the pace as he felt the pressure of Blurry’s foot against him growing. “Good.” Blurry moaned out, head tipping back as he allowed himself to relax. “So very good to me, Joshua.”

Blush now coating his tear covered cheeks, Josh sucked in his cheeks, slowing the rhythm but taking the other much, much deeper. He gagged a bit, drool spilling down his chin but it was all worth it when he felt a warm, sticky substance shoot down his throat.

“Oh fuck..” Blurry growled, hips bucking up into Josh’s mouth as he drug out the orgasm. His foot fell, eyes looking back to Josh as he panted. Pulled Josh off by his hair, he watched as the man sniffled, a panting, whiney mess all for Blurry to enjoy.

“Well what do you say?” Blurry asked, looking down towards Josh’s glossy lips, noticing the off white string of saliva that connected them to his cock.

“T-thank you?” Josh questioned, moaning out as he was slapped, hard. His hand flew to his face, covering the red mark that now was etched into his cheek.

With a grip on his chin, Blurry leaned down. “Like you fucking mean it.” He croaked, waiting.

“Thank you, Blur..” Josh said again, unbreaking the eye contact he was forced to hold. “For letting me taste you.”

“That wasn’t so hard, was it doll face.” He asked, pressing a slopping kiss to Josh’s plump lips before moving. “Stomach, on the bed.” He spoke, now by the nightstand grabbing the lube Tyler had stored away. By the time he looked back, Josh was in the position. A small pout on his face as it pressed into the pillow, desperate eyes looking up at Blurryface.

He climbed on, immediately tugging Josh’s boxers off, tossing them to the floor before sitting between his legs. He reached forward, grabbing at Josh’s ass and spreading it open, seeing his hole still slightly stretched out.

Two fingers easily slipped inside unlubed, making Josh hiss a little as Blurryface made a noise of disapproval. “All spread open and needy for me?” He asked, curling his fingers within the other. “Yet so dry. Tyler not fill you up, baby doll?” He asked.

“N-no sir..” Josh admitted in a mumble, words slurring more than he’d like them to.

“Hm..” He hummed, using his free hand to uncap the lube. Rather than applying it to his fingers, he squirted the cold liquid onto Josh’s hole, chuckling as he shivered and whined beneath him. “You want me to help you out with that?” Blurry asked, tone unusually gentle.

Josh looked back, whimpering slightly as he felt Blurry pull out his fingers. “Good thing your slutty fucking mouth got my dick all wet, huh?” He spoke, lining himself up with Josh’s hole.

Embarrassment grew inside Josh, stomach filling with knots that soon went away as Blurry shoved himself deep inside the other. Josh practically screamed into his pillow, hands gripping at the bed sheets as Blurryface fucked him oh so painfully slowly.

“Fuck, Josh..” Blurry spoke, landing weak out sting worthy slaps onto Josh’s ass. “Nice and tight, I think I could just fuck you forever.” He said, speeding up ever so slightly.

Josh groaned, hips rolling back and lifting slightly, craving more. It only resulted in a harder slap, making Josh jump a bit, but Blurry did speed things up. “Since you want it so bad, beg for me baby.” He spat out, hands gripping Josh’s hips so hard they would leave bruises.

“P-please?” Josh whispered, looking back At Blurry sheepishly, mouth hanging open as small, sweet moans left his lips.

Another spank, harder than anything before. “Again.”

Josh yelled, biting at his lip as he relished in the sting. “Blur, God Blurry please..” He whined out, hips grinding up into the other again. “I need you, B-blur.” He would’ve continued if not for Blurry adjusting him.

Face now pressed into the pillows further. His ass lifted off the bed as Blurry fucked into it hard. A repeat position for the two. “Yeah you do babe.” Blurry encouraged. “Need me. God say it again.” He growled out, nails digging into Josh’s skin.

“I, need you.” Josh choked out between moans, already on the verge of cumming, though it seemed Blurryface was aswell. “I love.. you.” He spoke.

The last push Blurry needed was those words, slamming himself into Josh, cumming deep within him, continuing his thrusts as Josh squirmed beneath him. He was truly in his own world, using Josh as more of a fleshlight than anything else.

He didn’t even notice when Josh came.

After round and rounds, Blurry degrading him while plunging himself deeper and deeper inside of the other. His ass was a bright red, covered in handprints and scratched that led up his back. He felt like nothing more than a toy for Blurry to use and abuse. A pool of cum had formed beneath Josh, with Blurry ramming into his prostate, another weak load sprayed onto the mattress.

“B-blur!” Josh squeaked, high moans and cried escaping his lips. “Please..” He managed, looking back again.

Blurry finally slowed down, still slowly trusting himself into Josh’s hole. “What baby? Can’t take it?” He asked, another hard spank making Josh only cry more.

His eyes were red, puffy cheeks flushed pink and tear stained. Drool flowed down his chin as he whined, allowing his white knuckles to ease their grip on the sheets. “Blurry t-too much.” He whined.

Once again, Blurry hummed his reply, pulling himself out finally. He helped Josh flip over, now having him lay on his back. “Oh, Baby doll what a fucking mess.” He spoke, fingers scooping up some of the cum that lay on the bed.

He pulled them to his mouth, holding eye contact with Josh as he cleaned his own fingers of Josh’s cum. “mm.” He moaned, reaching back down to collect more. “Open.” He spoke, hovering overtop josh, fingers pushing their way into his mouth. “Now suck.” He demanded.

Josh did as he was told, sucking himself off of Blurry’s hand, cringing at the bitter taste. “That’s a good cum slut.” Blurry whispered, pulling out his fingers and grinning down at the other.

Josh looked up, body weak but mind racing. He wanted more, wanted to please the man on top of him even if he had hurt him. “Blur.. please, sir.” He practically moaned out.

“Oh?” Blurry asked, hand moving to grab his chin for the third time that night. “My boy want more?” He pushed, forcing a finger into Josh’s mouth once again. Josh nodded weakly, swirling his tongue around the digit. “Awe, look Tyler, little whore still wants me.” Blurry said to himself before allowing a string of spit to fall from his lips to Josh’s

“Gonna fuck you one last time, fill you up good and plug ya, then we’ll take care of your fucking mess.” Blurry told him, using the grip he had on Josh to make him nod. “Good.” He spoke, spitting one last time before easily lifting Josh’s hips and pushing into his opened hole.

Blurry nearly came from Josh’s face alone. Eyes squeezing shut, teeth biting down on Blurry’s fingers as he let out ungodly noises. Moans, slurred words, whines. Plus the noise of his wet entrance, sloshing around with each and every thrust. “God, fucking damnit.” Blurry groaned out.

He finally came, the load colliding with Josh’s bruised prostate, resulting in a muffled scream from the bottom and a laugh from Blurryface. “Ah, fuck yeah doll face!” He said, slowing the pace to a stop, moaning as he pulled out, watching as his cum began trying to flow out of Josh.

Hurried, he grabbed a plug from a box beneath the bed. With ease, he slid it into the other, trapping the warm, gooey substance inside. “Blur..” Josh whimpered, wiggling his hips a bit in discomfort.

“I know, your whore of a hole already misses me.” He barked out, pressing on the plug before he looked to Josh’s limp cock. “Awe, wore you out did I,” He asked, a hand starting to slowly pump Josh’s cock.

Weak, pathetic whines filled the air, Josh’s hips digging into the bed to get his hypersensitive cock away from Blurry’s rough hands and.. oh fuck.

Josh’s attempts at squirming stopped as Blurry’s mouth made contact with his cock, His perfect lips wrapped around the tip as his tongue kitten licked it clean.

He popped off, licking up the side and collecting cum in his mouth. “Just gotta clean up now doll, you understand.” He spoke before continuing to lick Josh clean. His cock, balls, inner thighs, even his lower stomach were cleaned, small hickeys left on some spots.

“Ty,” Josh called out, eyes half shutting as Blurry cleaned the last bit from his thigh.

With a satisfied grin, Blurry left Josh with one last slap to the thigh and a kiss to his lips. “You want Tyler, Babydoll?” He asked, pushing hair out of Josh’s face.

“Mhm.” Josh hummed out, looking up at Blurryface. “nd, wanna make him.. feel good.” He mustered out, making Blurry only laugh as he began the switch out.

“What a good fuck toy.” He spoke with a small chuckle, voice still scratchy as his eyes swapped back from red to their natural deep brown. “Until next time, Doll face.” He finished, voice back to normal by the end of the sentence.

A beat later, Tyler was conscious and absolutely taken aback. “Ty.. mm” Josh spoke, clearly somewhere deep in some kind of subspace. “Make you feel good too..”

“Oh baby,” Tyler said, a worried half smile on his face. “Sweet boy he’s broken you hasn’t he?” Tyler asked, cupping Josh’s face, thumb running over the cut on his cheek. “You poor thing..” He whispered with a pout.

“hm?” Josh hummed, too out of it to really hear Tyler.

With a soft kiss to the lips, Tyler shook his head. “Let’s get you in a bath, Josh.” He said, voice gentle and sweet.

“Mhm.”

The next morning was more than rough. Josh laying, a whining mess in bed. “Fuck, everything hurts.” He spoke, looking to Tyler who lay next to him.

“You shouldn’t have let him go that far.” He said, biting at his lip as he ran his hand through Josh’s messy curls. “I shouldn’t have even let him out.”

Josh shook his head, using what strength he had to pull Tyler in close. “I’ll be okay.” He whispered, smiling softly. “And just like last time, You know I loved it.” He said, half joking.

Tyler rolled his eyes, pressing a kiss to Josh’s cheek. “Yeah okay your freak.” He said, smiling back.

“Love you Ty.” Josh said finally, eyes shut once again as he tried to head back to bed, sleep off the soreness.

Tyler nodded, cuddling into his side. “I love you too, Josh.” he whispered.

And Josh swore he heard Tyler’s voice go just hint deeper before letting sleep consume him.

#joshler #joshler fanfic #twenty øne piløts #archive of our own #twenty one pilots fanfiction #josh dun #tyler joseph #tøp josh #tøp #tøp tyler #josh dun fanfic #tyler joseph fanfic #fanfic

21 notes · View notes

gretavanfleetposts · 1 year ago

Text

Nothing Breaks Like A Heart - Part Three of Make Her Happy

Author's Note: The long-awaited part three! I'm a dually incredibly embarrassed that this took almost an entire year to finish. The time really got away from me LOL So I'm very sorry for that but I hope you all enjoy (and fingers crossed it was worth at least some of that wait)

Content Warnings: lots of swearing, bit of drinking

Word Count: 6k

Part One - Make Her Happy

Part Two - Give Me Shelter

One of the last things Jake had said to you before he'd left was that you should talk to Josh. And that was exactly what you hadn't done.

In fact, you’d let two weeks slip by like sand through your fingers without poking or prodding the topic even once. You’d clung to your avoidance like battle armor and if you were honest with yourself, you feared losing Jake just as much as you feared losing Josh.

So you and Josh hadn’t spoken and nothing had changed, nothing other than the fact that it felt Jake had been keeping his distance. Or maybe you were just more sensitive to his absence now that it felt necessary.

Damn him for being a good brother. For being better than me.

He was better than you, it seemed. Because he had put you to bed two weeks ago and left under the impression you were going to do the right thing and instead, you'd avoided your problems and had once again come running to Jake to have him make you feel better.

No, not to make me feel better. Just to play a stupid game. That's all.

He must have heard the honk of your car locking because you had barely made it to the front door before he was suddenly standing there in your way, a look on his face that somehow tangled caution and amusement into one jumbled mess expressed as a half-quirked smile and eyebrows that dipped low in the middle of his forehead. It was an expression that quite matched how you felt, butterflies and guilt and all.

“I take it you two didn't talk.”

Is it that obvious?

“What a way to greet a lady,” you said with a sudden scowl as you pushed past him through the doorway and led yourself to his kitchen.

To say you weren’t quite ready to broach that topic would have been an understatement.

“Why do you seem so chipper?” he asked from behind you as he followed your path through his home.

“I can't be happy to see you?” you threw back at him as you dropped your tote bag off your shoulder and onto the pristine marble of his kitchen island with a familiar muffled clang of a glass bottle shrouded by thin canvas to dull the promise it rang out into the air as it was set down. A little something for the soul.

“I guess I’ve admittedly grown a little bit more used to being greeted with tears. But this is a nice change.”

He gave you a sweet smile but paired with the way his eyes seem to wilt at the outer corners, you could see the sadness it held. It reminded you of the guilt you carried around with you constantly lately, only with a new object of affection. How selfish of you to think that this hadn’t taken any toll on him at all.

Your eyes turned soft. “I'm sorry. I am. You've been my sunshine these past several months. I hope you know that.”

Even as you said it, you knew it couldn’t begin to articulate what it was you really felt for him. But it was enough just to see the rose of a deep blush tinge his cheeks red and turn his smile suddenly bashful.

“Happy to provide,” was all he said in that typical, raspy, almost sleepy voice of his.

It was hard not to chuckle at the things he found too intimate to take in stride. It was fine for him to call you what he had in bed but heaven forbid you call him your sunshine…

“Don't think I didn't notice you dodging my original question though,” he added, breaking your concentration.

Oh yeah. My problems. How lovely of him to remind me.

You quirked up an accusing eyebrow. “Like how you dodged my compliment just now?”

“Ever so expertly,” he answered, this time with an unabashed smile that spread his lips wide across his face.

You felt your gaze dart away before you could even stop it, a heavy sigh pillowing in your chest before expelling into the air like a pot on the stove blowing off steam to keep from boiling over.

“I need one night of just…not talking about it.” You’d had plenty of nights of that, actually. What was one more? “Or thinking about it, preferably.” And then to really catch his attention and maybe even further drive home your point, you reached into your bag to uncloak the wine.

There was a specific smile he always donned when alcohol was present and when it took hold, you knew you could take it as an agreement to drop it, at least while there was a full bottle to contend with.

He took it from your grasp with only a dutiful nod, turning the dark glass over in his hands to inspect the label despite the fact that he likely knew nothing printed there would catch his eye. You had one sense of taste that trumped all others when it came to using fermented drinks to bandage your wounds: cheap.

“What am I if not a seasoned distraction?” he asked, already digging into a cupboard to procure two large, round glasses.

“That's why I seek you out,” you answered with a smile as you watched his hands work and tried your hardest not to think back to that first time he had served as your distraction.

“Well, hopefully that’s not the only reason.”

It was that comment that caught you and sent your stomach into a twist unbecoming of someone who was very much not single, especially given the way it suddenly brought the memory of your second time to the forefront of your mind, a time when it was hardly a distraction so much as it was a necessity in that moment.

No, distraction wasn’t the only reason you were there. Comfort either. You’d grown to long for his company in a much deeper way. It wasn’t company in general he was providing you with, it was his and his alone.

And the game, of course. Mostly that.

“What's on the agenda for the night?” Jake asked as if he hadn’t just sent you into a deep spiral of thought that you’d been hoping to avoid that evening.

At least he’d been kind enough to pour you a glass of wine without you asking.

“I brought candyland since you owe me a rematch for what you did last time.”

The memory of your pieces scattered on the floor along with every card in the deck like a colorful patchwork quilt that you'd made him clean up both times he'd done it brought an earnest smile to his face.

“I'll flip the board again if you don't let me get tipsy first.”

You certainly didn't have to wonder if he was serious so with the preservation of your game in mind, you agreed with a nod and a, “Seems fair to me,” as you reached out for your wine. But he was already retreating by the time your fingers reached the air that the temptation in a glass once occupied.

“Come here,” he said with a mischievous look overtaking his face. “Something I want to show you.”

This time it was you left following him through his home, both glass stems tucked snugly between talented fingers like he was beckoning you to chase him if you wanted yours. And you did want yours. That was why, despite the sudden flurry of nerves that his look seemed to conjure in your chest, you did as you were told and followed him.

I swear to God, if he's talking about his dick…

You actually weren't sure what you'd do. Probably not the decent thing.

But to your surprise, he led you to a usually barren room save for the red Persian rug warming the middle and the walls outlined in vintage instruments ready to be plucked off the wall and played. Except today, the center of the room wasn't barren as it had been for months.

The room opened up to greet you with a warm mahogany welcome in the shape of a baby grand piano that instantly made your fingers itch. It wasn't so different from the piano you'd been toying with at the party where you and Josh had met. Of course, you weren't as good a player as he was but you certainly knew your way around.

“Figured we rehearse here enough it was worth the investment,” you heard Jake say from behind you where he now stood watching as you carefully perched yourself onto the little matching mahogany bench.

“My God, she is beautiful,” you breathed as you opened the fallboard to uncover a full set of vintage ebony and ivory that seemed to practically yearn for your touch.

Your fingers danced out a quick melody that warmed your joints as much as it did your demeanor. You hadn't played much lately. Actually, you hadn't really played at all. But there were some things that stuck with you, worked their way into your bones, maybe into your very DNA. And this was one of them.

“Does this mean you're going to learn?” you asked, turning your focus back to him as you swiveled to find his face.

“I'd need a teacher for that and I refuse to let Sam fill that role.”

He gave you a cheeky smile that you read instantly. It was an open invitation for you to take on the role of said teacher, so you stood and, taking your wine glass from his hand finally, made a grand sweeping gesture toward the now unoccupied piano bench.

He took his seat, pretending to throw his imagined coat tails over the bench, earning a giggle that swished the wine in your glass. You hovered not too far behind him as he cracked his knuckles and cleared his throat, making a quite thorough display of his preparation only to put fingers to keys and press out one of the more off-key renditions of twinkle twinkle little star you'd ever heard. And he was met with another giggle that seemed to only encourage his actions.

“Oh that's amazing. You must teach me your ways,” you joked with a smile as you set your glass down on the floor just out of the way.

“Save me, please,” he answered with a hoarse laugh, finally slowing his fingers to a halt but keeping them positioned on the keys.

You approached him slowly, coming up close behind his back to stretch your arms over his shoulders and let your fingers find rest overtop his just as delicately as your chest grazed the wide plane of his back. You could smell his cologne strong on his neck as you guided his fingers to better position them amongst the keys, your breath dusting his cheek with each exhale. And you swore you could almost tell that he was holding in a breath if you paid close enough attention to the movement in his shoulders that seemed to have suddenly stilled.

Somewhere among your skin resting against his and your hair tickling his neck, the world around you seemed to grow still and quiet, fading into a background of white noise and blurred lines. And then you pressed your fingers more firmly into his and a striking chord sliced through the air alongside whatever breath Jake had been holding.

“There, just like that,” you said in a voice far shakier than you had hoped it would turn out to be.

But he was silent, letting you guide his fingers slowly up to a new chord, or outstretching a pinky to hit a further key as yours nudged it, never saying a word. He let you play that way, through him, feeling the notes through the strength and dexterity of his talented fingers that fit so snugly beneath yours and obeyed your every command.

“I knew I was good at something,” he joked in a whisper that barely traveled up above the note lingering beneath your hold until he turned his face dangerously to the side to face yours.

It brought his nose only an inch from yours but what felt even more dangerous were his eyes and the quick flicker they made to your lips, resting parted and practically panting. You didn’t even realize your own breathing had picked up until you suddenly became aware of the heat reaching your palms, heat he could likely feel radiating through his skin still resting beneath yours. And just as quickly as the moment had been conjured, he turned his face back to his hands and yours retreated entirely just before you darted over to your glass of wine to down the contents while he continued to fiddle with keys.

“You're a good student,” you commented as evenly as you could as you took a seat on the bench next to him. A much safer spot than where you had been.

“You’re a good teacher,” he answered with a quick flash of a smile in your direction, fingers still tripping over keys and filling the air around you with a disjointed music that you admittedly didn’t mind.

“Well, maybe not as good as you.” It came out rather absently as you had taken to fiddling with a random key yourself, turning your attention to that instead of the familiar pounding of your heart in your chest, a rhythmic reminder of the effect Jake had on you.

When he turned to face you again, you could feel his eyes hot on your cheek. You wanted to be brave and face him but there was something about his knowing gaze that made you feel that much more defeated. You felt like a terrible person, in all actuality. How could you have fallen for your boyfriend’s brother? Was that actually what you had done or were you just using him like a bandaid? Did you even know anymore?

Maybe it’s just the sex I like.

“Is that why you're here?” he asked, his gaze somehow even hotter than before. “You need another lesson?”

God, can he read my mind?

For a brief moment, you found yourself debating it. It didn’t feel like that was what you had come for but you certainly weren’t ignorant to the need that radiated through your body every time he so much as glanced in your direction. But you also weren’t ignorant to just how wrong it really felt. However it had felt that first time, hesitant as you had been, the glances you stole now didn’t feel that way. They didn’t feel harmless. They didn’t feel like something Josh had signed off his approval on.

And for now, the guilt rang strong enough through your body to stop you from doing something worse.

“I'm here to beat you at candyland,” you answered, eyes finally braving his face only to be greeted by a smile that seemed to be growing by the second.

“Well that's just not going to happen.”

—

“That is cheating!” you yelled over the board as you angrily moved Jake's piece back several spaces behind yours.

“It is not, my piece was planning on being there this whole time,” he argued back, grabbing it from your hand to return it to the space he had just placed it on with his hand that wasn't gripping his wine glass like his life depended on it.

You weren't sure if it was the booze or the antics of the game, but his British accent was starting to slip out the more uncivilized he got and you were trying your best to be stern despite the smile it was holding permanently to your lips.

“It doesn't matter what he was planning on, you didn't roll high enough to go that far!”

He gave you a displeased shake of his head as he finally took his piece back, “accidentally” knocking yours over in the process.

“I don't think you're playing this right,” he mumbled before chugging the remaining contents of his third glass of wine.

“I'm sorry you don’t get to just do whatever you want,” you laughed as you wrestled another card out of his hand seeing as it most certainly was not his turn.

“Well that is too bad, isn't it,” he said gruffly although even he was struggling to keep the smile off his face and commit to the bit.

The day had grown so late that darkness had finally come to greet you and this was your third attempt at a civilized game, which you were beginning to think was simply impossible with Jake. He just couldn’t seem to stop cheating.

Let’s not read too much into that.

By the time you had maneuvered all of the cards away from him thanks to that all-too familiar gleam in his eye, he sat back in his seat to let a comfortable silence grow between you both, silent glances exchanged as a buzz settled over you both. But in the silence and the calm grew that familiar heat, a buzz brought on by more than just the alcohol consumed that night. There was something about it, those quiet, gentle moments, that turned the volume of tension about the room up several levels, like you couldn't trust yourselves to be around one another in such a still moment without busying your hands and your bodies with one another. Like you were always just waiting for the next opportunity for it.

That was how it felt: like you were waiting. And suddenly in the haven of golden light in your little secluded pocket of the night, in the quietness of his gaze trying to stay fixed to anything but you, you felt you shouldn't be there.

Why had you come?

Jake cleared his throat and nudged your empty wine glass. “You want more?”

You gave him a light shake of your head and an answer just as soft. “I'm driving.”

He nodded in return and cast his eyes to his hands. He almost looked nervous. Why would he be nervous?

When he met your eyes again, you could tell he was searching your face for something. But what it was he was looking for, you had no idea. And if he found it, you had no idea of that either. But as you gazed back, you found yourself unable to look away, unable to hide your face or your eyes or your feelings from him. Whatever it was you were feeling, you let him see it there on your features like a book written just for him.

It's him I want. That's why I came.

It seemed to hit you all at once and suddenly the need for action seemed just as real.

“I guess I should go.”

Before I do something I shouldn't.

He nodded again, adding an almost silent “okay” that somehow made the task of getting up all the more hard. But somehow, your feet shuffled and your legs moved and your body, which seemed to be of much more sound mind than your actual mind, moved its way to the kitchen sink, wine glass in hand.

“You don't have to do that,” you heard Jake say from behind you.

Close behind you.

“I don't mind,” you answered quietly as you continued to turn the faucet on and rinse the glass.

That was when you felt him at your back, arms emerging from either side and his hands, practically shaking, entwining themselves with yours to steal the glass away from your grip.

“Here,” he whispered, “let me.”

Fuck.

You weren't exactly sure what it was that suddenly surged through you but the moment the glass was set safely on the counter, you turned into his arms to face him, lacing your fingers into his shirt buttoned ever so lazily. And the move brought your mouth mere inches from his, your bodies practically pressed tight to one another.

There was greed on your lips, greed you wanted him to taste.

“Jake, I want you,” you whispered without even an ounce of shame, finally giving in to what you had been fighting all evening.

It was met with his eyes winding tightly shut as a blow of frustrated air pushed from his lungs. “Don't do that to me,” he shook his head. “That's not fair.”

“You're right, it's not fair-”

Your lips were practically on his when he suddenly pulled back several steps, out of your grasp.

“This can't happen,” he said sternly, although whether that was for you or for him you weren't entirely sure.

What you were sure of though was the embarrassment seeping into your very being. And then the guilt. They seemed to freeze you in your place.

God, what am I doing?

What was worse was that you had thought he wanted you too. Had you read it all wrong? Had you read everything wrong? Was he only entertaining you because he could see your desperation so plainly in everything you did? Was it only pity he felt for you?

Josh had no time for you and now Jake didn’t want you either.

You took a few steps away from the sink, aimless, wandering, before your face fell into your hands, to hide it, to soothe yourself, to try and disappear.

“I’m sorry,” you repeated frantically, practically in a panic. “I don't know what I'm doing. It's just…it's not working.”

“You need to tell him that.”

God, the sympathy you now heard in his voice might have made you feel even worse.

“He knows that.”

“Babe-”

“I plan to,” you burst suddenly, hands falling away from your face to make way for the much louder sentiment, as unsure as it sounded. “I'm going to,” you repeated, “I just thought…”

You trailed off into nothing, totally defeated. You weren’t sure what you had thought but god, you were tired of this. Why was this so difficult? Why was this so complicated? Why hadn’t Josh just shown up like he was supposed to?

You looked to Jake somehow hoping he could give you the answers you were searching for but he looked just as confused, just as lost. And the longer you looked the more he looked…something else entirely.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked almost desperately.

You stuttered. “I mean…I think it's obvious. Or…maybe it isn't, I don't know, I just-”

“We can't be together,” he suddenly blurted out.

If his previous rejection hadn’t hurt, this certainly did. And it brought back to you the words he had said two weeks ago on the couch over pizza and comfort, only this time they seemed to form a coherence they hadn’t quite had when he’d spoken them then.

‘He knows I'm not the answer’.

And then the words that cut a little deeper. A little sharper.

‘Maybe that's why he sends me. He isn't worried about it’.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, all-too aware of what your body language was giving away. You had read it all wrong.

“I…I know that,” you answered quietly, pathetically, even though it wasn’t the truth. Not even close. “I know that.”

His eyes found your face again, this time more frantic, like he knew what he had just done but didn't have any choice in the matter. He raised his hand to your elbow, leaning in as he gripped you. He might have shaken you to try and get you to understand what he was saying if he thought that would go over better than his fingers alone.

“Listen to me, I'm telling you you need to do the right thing. He's my brother. But I can't…I can't be your answer.”

Those damn pesky tears were back, and with a vengeance. If you didn't dart out of there sooner rather than later, you'd be nothing but a puddle of salty water on his kitchen floor and you suddenly had no desire to let him see you that way.

There was anger there too, as misplaced as you knew it was, forming just as quickly and swelling into something so hot it practically blurred your vision. You felt almost lied to. Talk about fucking mixed signals. But you let out a long, terse, “okayyy” without even meeting his eyes, already mentally planning your escape.

“I love you, I do. I love you too much to-”

Bullshit.

“No, I get it,” you interjected before he could drive the knife any deeper. “It's good to know where you stand. Thank you.”

He called out for you more than once but it fell on deaf ears. You were already out of the house.

��

“Where were you?”

Good God, can’t the universe give me a break?

Josh's voice coming out of the near darkness startled you. You knew he was there. You'd seen his car in the driveway when you pulled in. But something about it felt like he was catching you in the middle of sneaking out. Or rather, sneaking in.

“I was out,” was all you said as you sat your things down and kicked off your shoes. You prayed your eyes weren’t still red and puffy from the crying you did on the car ride home.

“Just out?”

There was concern in his voice. You could hear it without even fully seeing his face where it was, shrouded in shadow that seemed all too fitting for the conversation you knew very well was about to be had. He could have easily been hiding from you. Fuck, you wanted to hide from him too.

You wanted to spare him the sigh that was brewing in your chest but it barreled out of you before you could stop it. “I needed to get my thoughts together,” you explained as you stepped further into the house and into the hall where you could better see him.

That was a mistake.

There was already pain in his eyes. Already a redness that you suspected was from his own tears. He knew where this was headed as well as you did.

Fuck, this might actually kill me.

“Why doesn't that sound good?” He gave you a nervous chuckle and the only smile he could manage, both of which fell flat.

“Josh, I…” There was actually nothing coming to your mind, try as hard as you did to think of the right thing to say. To think of anything to say for that matter. But he took pity on you instead and cut right to it. Something you might have been thankful for under any other circumstances. Well, maybe you still were thankful for it given these circumstances.

“I know,” he said without prompting. “I've been spread so thin lately-”

“For a while,” you corrected, only a tinge of the bitterness you felt biting into your tone. “And it's not really feeling like ‘spread thin’ so much as it is not making the time for…certain things. Things that should be a priority.”

Well that certainly sounded bitter.

“I know, baby. I've been wrapped up in a million little things. We're working on a new sound but it has required more of me than the others.”

You felt yourself wince at the pet name, a lump in your throat forming almost out of nowhere and suddenly threatening to strangle you.

You fought against it to push the words out. “Josh, I hear you, I really do, but this just isn't sustainable for me.”

He nodded at this but you could tell he was deep in thought. And his silence seemed to drag on for an eternity. Agonizingly. But when he finally broke it, you found yourself missing that silence.

“Does this have something to do with Jake?” he asked, raising his eyes to yours to undoubtedly impress upon you the importance of the question.

Suddenly you felt cold despite the sweat practically pooling in your palms and the heat flaring in your ears. You couldn't face him and tell him that you had fallen for Jake after all of the late nights you'd spent with him. You couldn’t admit to him the embarrassing truth that you had gone to seek him out, lying to yourself about why the whole time. And you certainly couldn’t admit to him how often you had thought of his brother when you found yourself alone over the past few months. But Josh seemed to glean every last one of those secrets from your silence alone.

“Where were you?” He finally asked the question you'd skirted around when you'd arrived home.

You didn't rarely hear Josh with anything you could call stern in his voice but you heard it now in his question. And his eyes begged the answer from you just as desperately as his tone did.

That was when you began to feel the tears well up for the second time that night. Your undereyes wouldn’t recover until the next week.

“Josh-” you croaked out, although he didn't seem to need you to finish whatever thought you were weakly stringing together into words.

“I shouldn't have let him do it. I shouldn't have let him near you that way.”

“It wouldn't have mattered,” you tried.

“Yes it would have. We wouldn't be here right now if I hadn't pushed you into his arms.”

“If it hadn't been him, I would have just been alone. All alone, Josh.” Even with the tears streaming silently down your face, you said his name pointedly enough that his shoulders seemed to slump and whatever anger was brewing for his brother was waning. “All alone for months and months thinking my boyfriend couldn't care less. Hoping I would at least get a text from you that time rather than Jake acting like some sort of carrier pigeon, as if that was any replacement.”

You'd never seen him so hurt. You'd never seen his face droop and fall that way, his lips melting downward at the corners and the liquid warmth of his eyes almost freezing over. Even his curls seemed to lose their bounce. He was wilting right in front of you and it only made it harder to breathe. It only made it harder to stand there and face him and say whatever the fuck it was you’d been putting off for that very reason.

If you don't do it now, you never will.

You wiped at your tears as best you could, trying to pull yourself together. “It hurts me,” you started. “Having you so close and yet so far constantly, it hurts me and I just can't do it anymore. And I don't want to wait until I resent you. I can't sit around waiting for that to happen. It'll kill me if I ever feel that way for you.”

Tears were now pouring down his face as he shook his head. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

If he said anything else, you could barely hear it above the racing of your heart in your chest and the dam breaking somewhere behind your eyes. It was like a tsunami when it came, folding you over until you slumped around yourself on the ground to let it wrack through your body. And he was there just as quickly, holding you despite the fact that he most certainly didn't have to. Clinging to you and his sorry's.

You weren't sure how much time passed as you sat there. You could hardly feel it ticking through your tears and a feeling that felt awfully close to regret. You couldn't feel the passage of the wind and the world beyond the strength of Josh's arms holding fast to your form, knowing that when he let go, he wouldn't have this opportunity again. It almost felt cruel, like a moment you should have had among many others but was stolen away from you all at once. So you basked in it. You bathed in it. You memorized his touch and his smell and the way it felt to be supported, even if you hadn't felt it in a while.

You had your reasons, you knew that. Had to remind yourself of it, even. But at the moment, you had nothing but him.

The tears always dried though. They always racked your body and stripped you of your strength and energy and when they vacated, just like they always did, you were left sitting, leaning against the wall of the hallway, in an almost daze-like state. Stuck in a limbo between sorrow and anger and humor. Every emotion you had seemed to sit at the edge of your being waiting for a moment to pounce in a state like this, and you were always left wondering what would take hold next.

Josh mimicked your movements, sitting opposite you like a mirror into what you probably looked like. And for a while, you sat in silence.

“I just want you to be happy,” he said after several moments. “That's all I've ever wanted.”

You nodded and sniffled, wiping your eyes and your nose with the back of your hand like a toddler.

“I know.”

“I mean it.”

I know.

You nodded again but this time when you spoke, your voice was even.

“I know.”

You tapped your fingers against your knee, butt going numb against the hardwood floor and eyes feeling stiff at the corners thanks to the dried tears accumulated there. And it was funny in a way that really wasn’t funny at all that as you sat there and stared at Josh silently, you couldn't help but think to yourself how beautiful he was.

Fucking twins.

“Does Jake make you happy?” Josh asked suddenly, studying your face.

The short answer was yes but the long answer?

‘He knows I'm not the answer’.

“I don't know,” you admitted. And you hoped he believed you when you said it because you really didn't.

You liked how he made you feel. You liked that he was there when no one else was. But was he the answer? You had no idea, actually. Maybe you wanted him to be more than he actually was. Or maybe, just maybe, you just liked having sex with him.

Ha. Well, that's at least some of it. Not that it matters anymore.

You were shamelessly giggling to yourself at the entirely humorless situation you found yourself in even before Josh joined in, bringing his hand to hide his mouth like he was in on the secret joke and attempting to keep it just that, a secret.

“You should probably decide before I have a chance to kill him.” And then after a moment, he added, “Well to be honest with you, I might just kill him anyway.”

You couldn't even explain why but that did you in, spurred a full on fit of laughter. And somehow, Josh found himself laughing right beside you.

Typical Josh. Always a bright spot. Even if it hurt him to be.

—

You hadn't left your house in days. Hadn't washed your sweatpants in as long either. The takeout boxes were certainly piling up too. And had you already finished off the last of your wine stockpile?

Gonna need to hit the grocery store soon. Or Instacart, at the very least.

And when your couch hadn't been occupied by friends spoon-feeding you whatever therapy you needed, be that advice or ice cream, you found yourself alone with more thoughts than you cared to deal with.

And one name in your mind that you avoided at all costs.

You hadn't even texted him that it was over. Hadn't called. Hadn't seen his face or heard his voice or even uttered his name. But God, you felt it, that ache. The longing. The familiar itch that he had scratched for you one too many times that now begged for nails to rake across it.

Relief. You wanted him. You maybe even needed him. That was what the emptiness had shown you. Whatever it was that he even was to you, you missed it. You craved it. But in your hour of need, he was the last thing available to you. And you were certainly stubborn enough not to chase.

Until you eventually weren’t stubborn enough.

You had no idea what had possessed you to rise from the couch that day, throw on a sweatshirt to shield you from the rain, grab your car keys, and drive to his place. You had no idea what possessed you to jump from your car and brave the violent sheets of rain that threatened to topple you as your fist made contact with his door a bit more angrily than maybe it should have. And you had no idea what had possessed you to do all of this just to say what it was you said.

Maybe I enjoy getting hurt.

You weren't invited in. In fact, you weren't even greeted with any words. He seemed breathless the moment he opened the door and his brain caught up with his eyes, whether that was thanks to your unruly appearance made all that much worse by the rain or simply the fact that you were the last person he expected to see standing on his porch after what he had said. After what you had done.

Probably should have run a brush through my hair before coming here.

And then you blurted it out.

“I ended it.”

The rain raged on in an angry war against you but you stood defiantly, like there was some ground there to hold. And maybe there was. It certainly felt like there was. If it wasn't the rain, it was his eyes, staring dangerously into yours and then, even without a single utterance from him still, you saw it. It was undeniable and unmissable.

Jake's eyes flickered down to your lips where they lingered for what felt like an eternity but in actuality was about two seconds. Two of the longest seconds you'd ever felt, waiting for someone to do something about it.

“I just thought you should know,” you added.

And then you left.

#make her happy #give me shelter #nothing breaks like a heart #gvf #gvf fic #jake kiszka #jake kiszka fic #josh kiszka #josh kiszka fic

88 notes · View notes

f0linasahl0 · 11 months ago

Text

i desperately want to create a book formatted version of the twenty one pilots lore. like it would be so fun and i have so much random information jumbled in my head about the lore and id love to write it. also id love to write it because ive seen people have issues piecing all the information together when learning all the lore information. so id love to write it in a format like this to make it easier though it would be more of a fanfiction personal opinion piece as even though i have information its probably not all accurate and the only person who knows all the details is tyler (well probably josh and mark but idk man.) i just think writing the lore into a book format would be so cool and i would kill to do it but i don't even know if it's worth it to create the fanfiction version if it bc if i get something wrong and they go to that to learn the story it would be sad i guess. i don't really know i am also just rambling bc i drank an energy drink too late in the day.

anyway to summarize i want to write the lore into a storybook format rather than just the videos bc it would be so fun. the biggest problem is the opinion/headcanon side of the lore and i don't know what's good or what's not when it comes to this. or what people would enjoy.

like all those issues wouldn't stop he from doing it, id 100% do it, just the biggest issue is my own brain. writers block and demotivation are things i fight all the time when writing and its such a big project that i don't even know how long it'd take to do it.

also the opinion part of it is so interesting bc that's where it branches off and becomes unique and id love to do it. and like sure mr. joseph is the only one that knows the extent to which the lore is supposed to be hit i think it'd be fun to create one of these days.

let me know if you're even interested because that would help me decide if i actually post it on something or not if i ever do it.

sorry for the long ass post it's really all just rambles but it's been something ive been thinking about doing for awhile. it'd have inaccuracies and would just be for fun, but id love to do it because of that. so again let me know.

thanks for reading this awfully long mess of ramble lmao. pls let me know

#twenty one pilots #tyler joseph #josh dun #clancy #blurryface #scaled and icy #trench #lore #vessel #fanfiction #twenty one pilots brainrot #twenty one pilots livestream experience #twenty one pilots lore #tøp clique #twenty one pilots clique

64 notes · View notes

echoingbirdsofprey · 5 months ago

Text

Back Forty View (On Our Piece Of Ground)

8 - You Had Me From That First Hello

Pairings: Tyler Owens x OFC Georgia Tennley-Owens, Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x OFC Samantha Kazansky

Rating: Explicit (MDNI!)

Warnings: nothing spectacular just some raunchy language from Jake and Tyler and pregnancy/baby talk

A/N: This chapter and the next are kind of a jumble of stuff because Jake and Sam need to go back to California soon and figure some things out lol. Nothing special with this one just lots of pregnancy/baby talk! Thank y'all for continuing to read! Hope you enjoy! Gifs by @kaizsche, pictures from Pinterest! As always likes, comments, reblogs, etc. are so so appreciated! This one has some song notes through out so hit play on those for the full experience!

Tags: @mrsevans90 @djs8891 @gpsmississippihippie @dizzybee03 @barnesboo1967 @coloraturadiva @kmc1989

It always ended the same way. Tyler and Jake would go for a short drive, out in the back forty and listen to whatever music they had on hand. This particular time, Jake had graduated Top Gun, top of his class and he’d come home to tell Kenny, Jeanie, and Tyler in person. They were going to celebrate later on, but not before the boys had their own little festivities, which included a jaunt through the wilds of Arkansas in Tyler’s new truck. Tyler had just gotten a beautiful red Dodge dually, diesel, 3500. Bone stock, but Jake knew that his brother was about to modify the shit out of it. After Jake had put his bags down in the living room, hugged his mother and Kenny, Tyler nearly dragged him out the door and pushed him toward the passenger side. Jake hopped in and they set off down the road. Tyler wanted to test the truck out first with his favorite person in the world. Jake.

They cranked the radio, Tyler putting his spotify on shuffle, with a country playlist like they always went for when they headed out on adventures. The drums, tambourine, and guitar all melded in through the speakers and out the open windows. Tyler had his cowboy hat on, a new one he’d just gotten and sunglasses, and Jake had a backwards baseball cap, one that used to be Tyler’s, and his own set of sunglasses, his favorite pair that he kept on him exclusively for show. He only wore them up in a jet, or with Tyler in the truck.

As the lyrics flowed through the speakers, Tyler hummed and Jake stuck his arm out the window, his smile wide. When the chorus came up, both boys belted out the lyrics.

“I need a pretty little homegrown hometown girl, with a ribbon tyin’ back those waterfall curls, I been lookin’ all over all over the world, for a pretty little homegrown hometown girl!” They sung in unison, glancing at each other and smirking.

“I know exactly who you’re talkin’ about, T.” Jake pursed his lips. He knew Tyler was still on about the girl who’d left him. Jake knew he would always be about that girl. He believed those two were soulmates, just put together at the wrong time and they’d find each other again. Damn it if Tyler wouldn’t do everything he could to find her. In the meantime though, Tyler would joke that Jake is his soulmate.

“You talkin’ about anyone in particular?” Tyler asked, his hand gliding along the fresh, new leather of the steering wheel. The truck smelled new and they both couldn’t get enough of it. It was a comfortable ride, and Tyler was the only person that Jake trusted to drive. That was why Jake could never be a back seater. He couldn’t handle having someone in control of where they were in the air, but on the ground, he’d give up all of that to Tyler. And no matter how sketchy things got, he always put his faith in Tyler.

“Nah, no one. I’d like a little hometown girl though. Pretty little brunette maybe? Big tits and a big ass? Someone that’d look fuckin good on my arm at Navy Balls and all that shit.” JAke said and Tyler blew air from his lips.

“Yur a slut, y’know that?” Tyler joked and Jake reached over and punched him in the shoulder lightly. “Not from our hometown though. Ain’t none’a these girls good enough for you Jake, I tell ya.”

“Nah, maybe a California girl. Pretty, tan, and like I said, brunette. She’s gotta be a brunette. God, I’d love a hot little brunette to be sitting on my couch in my Cowboys jersey, watching football on a sunday. Fuck.” Jake shook his head and Tyler couldn’t help the laugh that left his lips. He glanced over at Jake, who smirked and tilted his head.

“Yeah and I’d take a cute lil’ blonde barrel racer girl that I could have a few kids with, a farm and go roping on the weekends. Maybe we can watch football, but maybe we could go do fun shit with the kids too.” Tyler’s smile faded slightly and then he shot a look at Jake, whose jaw stiffened.

“Don’t ruin the mood you jackass.” Jake chucked a bottle cap at Tyler that he’d found lodged between the seats. Brand new truck and his brother already had crap everywhere. “Don’t get sentimental on me, you dick.”

“I’m not...I’m just...I don’t know. I’m gonna miss ya, Jakey.” Tyler said and Jake grabbed his brother’s shoulder. Tyler turned down a dirt road and pushed the truck a little faster, letting the suspension and tires do some work. The boys were quiet as the next song came over the speakers, making them grin. They belted the song, both of them tapping their hands on the outside of the truck as Tyler steered the monster through thickening brush and low, muddy spots.

“Gotta git down, gotta git down to Arkansas, havin’ so much fun that it’s probably a little bit against the law! All the boys and the girls down there sure know how to have a ball! If ya wanna git down gotta git down to Arkansas!”

The truck bumped along and almost bottomed out, crunching sticks underneath its six tires and heavy frame as they navigated out of the worst of the trail. On the other end was a clearing, a big field that ended at a small cliff, where it overlooked the Arkansas River. They were just in time. Tyler parked some feet from the edge and both boys climbed up onto the roof of the truck, the newly installed rack above the cab the perfect spot for them to sit. Their legs hung off in front of the front windshield and Jake pulled two cans of shitty beer from his sweatshirt pocket, handing one to his brother and cracking his own open. They gazed up at a darkening sky, watching as a storm began to build just on the other side of the river, several miles away. It was heading away east from them so they weren’t worried about it.

“There might be a tornado in that one.” Tyler said, pointing toward the front of the storm. Jake’s brows raised.

“You gonna take me on a chase any time soon?”

“Yeah when you come back from your next deployment. We’ll go. I’ll have the truck modded out by then. It’ll be able to withstand an F-1 at the least.”

“You're nuts. But I believe in you. I know you’ll get it done.”

🌪️🛻🛩️⚓

When Tyler and Georgia brought Jaycen home for the first time, there was a palpable fear between them. They didn’t know how to care for a kid. Sure, they’d read some books, talked to everyone they could, got a hundred opinions, but now it was up to them to really figure it out.

They knew the first week would be exhausting. They had already been running on fumes, so any chance they got to sleep was going to be key. Jaycen was pretty consistent about sleeping. He’d be down for a couple of hours and then wake up, begging for something to eat. They’d decided it was best for them to do mixed feeding, so that if Georgia was too tired, Tyler was able to take over and feed Jaycen. Jake and Sam had also volunteered to help out, figuring they could use the experience if they wanted to have kids too.

Samantha had really taken to the little guy. The tufts of hair on his head were her favorite thing and she gently brushed them back and forth when she held him. Jake’s favorite thing about Jaycen was that he was kind of a sassy little boy. He would stick his chubby little fingers in his mouth when he wanted food and then, and he only did it to Tyler and Jake, would smack them on their arm several times while his bottle was being prepared. Tyler was determined to keep the temperature consistent, not too hot and not too cold. Georgia appreciated his attentiveness not only to Jaycen but also to her.

When Georgia was feeling particularly tired, Tyler would bring Jaycen to her, that way if she wanted to feed him in bed she could. Georgia already adored the little boy, who had the same sage green eyes as his father. She loved looking into his big green eyes, full of curiosity for the world in front of him. Tyler’s favorite thing about the small human was that he would just stare at Georgia, his focus never leaving his mother. He understood that, because he felt the same. He loved Georgia and he knew that the little boy would love her too.

The great thing about having Jake and Sam around was that they could help with everything on the farm. Tyler had delegated to Boone for anything for the channel and they’d made a short video introducing the newest storm chaser. There had been a lot of congratulations but there had also been some salty comments from the sore losing fangirls who thought they’d had a chance with Tyler. They even went so far as to comment on Ophelia’s videos that she’d taken of Georgia helping her, saying that Georgia didn’t know everything. Georgia would be the first to admit that though, so it didn’t bother her. Ophelia shut down everyone that came into her comments, defending her mentor fiercely.

As for the Wranglers, there was the pro-Georgia camp and the anti-Georgia camp there. It was really just a couple of recurring girls who were pissed that Tyler had flirted with them once or twice at a bar or at a rodeo and they never got their chance with him. Tyler made it a point every time he was on the stream or in the chat that any Georgia hate was not allowed. He was even slightly passive aggressive at times, which it seemed some people actually enjoyed. He’d make comments like ‘god I love my wife so much’ or ‘can’t wait to get back out there chasin’ but am really gonna miss my wife and kid’.

During that first week that Jaycen was home, Kate had taken over the channel with Boone. Even though they both had significant others at this point, they were still a highly chaotic couple when they were together. Boone thought it was hilarious when Kate drove, because she was honestly a bad driver. She sped far too often and hit the brake far too late most of the time. She had no consideration for either truck, so much so that Tyler and Boone were constantly sending her trucks so that she could get her own. They would do all the modifications of course and help make it perfect, but she really needed her own so that she could stop crashing and trashing theirs.

For the first week, Tyler and Georgia kept Jaycen close to the house. The dogs were absolutely ecstatic to have the bundle of joy around. They constantly followed whoever had Jaycen in their arms, their eyes focused on the boy. Pancake loved to sit next to them on the couch and try to lick Jaycen’s feet. It would make the little boy giggle and squirm to the point he would get the hiccups.

Grits was very protective of the boy. He would sit by whichever parent had him, almost on top of their feet and survey the room constantly. The red heeler would whine when Jaycen cried and howl when he laughed. Waffles was the one who got right up in Jaycen’s face. She would sit on the arm of the couch, touching her nose to the top of his head or sneaking in a lick to the baby’s face when she thought Georgia or Tyler weren’t looking.

Georgia wanted so badly to take Jaycen out to the barn, but she knew they should wait. The waiting was hell though. She could see from the kitchen window that Ducati would stare at the house, as if he knew his rider had come into this world. She couldn’t wait to introduce the mustang to his kid.

“You know how much more I love you? I mean...I loved you before, obviously...but now..it’s just tenfold. You made my dreams come true, Peach.’ Tyler said softly, as he wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder. He peered down at his son in her arms and his heart overflowed with happiness. Georgia hummed and tilted her head, touching her temple to his. She blinked slowly as she looked from the squirmy bundle in her arms, to her proud husband. She leaned back against him, and he began to sway back and forth.

“I love you too, Tyler. And I love our son too.” She murmured softly, letting him rock her gently. The motion comforted Jaycen, making him close his eyes, and drift off to sleep again.

“Wish I could sleep as much as him. I think I’ve barely slept the past couple weeks.” Tyler admitted, letting his lips travel to Georgia’s neck. They ghosted over the skin, sending a shiver down her spine, bringing forth a smirk.

“Wait until he’s older. We won’t get any sleep. We’ll be zombies.” She joked, letting her eyes flutter closed for a moment as she enjoyed the protective presence Tyler offered. She felt so safe in his arms. She would even go so far as to say, her anxiety had decreased by at least half. She had a new brand of anxiety, but it was over caring for Jaycen, not the actual birth. That had scared the shit out of her, but as she’d told Tyler, the pain and stress had been well worth it now that they had their first child.

“And...now that you’ve done this once...” Tyler began but Georgia stopped him, her words gentle and reassuring to him.

“Yes, Tyler, I do want another kid. And I can’t wait to see Jaycen grow up. I think he’s gonna be a lot like you.” She yawned then and Tyler chuckled.

“Why do you say that?” Just cause he looks like me, don’t mean he’s gonna be like me. He might be like you and if that’s the case, we’re in for a wild ride. He’ll be a daredevil.” Tyler said. Georgia’s brows furrowed and she turned in his arms, sandwiching Jaycen gently between them. Tyler leaned down to kiss Georgia and then he pressed a light kiss to Jaycen’s forehead.

“He’s quiet. I know they said you can’t tell much about them now, but I think he’s going to be smart. He just stares and you can tell he’s trying to figure things out.” Georgia explained and Tyler nodded in agreement.

“Maybe he’s admiring his loving mama, just like his daddy does.” Tyler said, bringing a hand up to caress her cheek, She pressed into his hand and glanced up into sage green. There was warmth there, and a reverence that Georgia would never quite get over. Tyler worshipped the ground she walked on, and there were times she still couldn’t believe that, after all she’d put him through.

“He’s asleep. We should go put him in his crib.” Georgia said softly, meeting Tyler’s gaze. He agreed and he motioned for her to hand him Jaycen. She did and he took the boy up the stairs, Georgia following closely behind as they snuck up to the nursery to put him down for another nap.

It had warmed up significantly over the next week or so, giving Tyler and Georgia the opportunity they were hoping for. They dressed Jaycen in warm clothes, courtesy of their friends and family, and brought him out to the barn to see the horses. As they made their way down the aisle, Georgia said the name of each horse and pointed. Tyler followed closely behind, watching the little boy’s face light up as each horse stuck their nose out toward him. Georgia was careful, not letting them nibble or get too close, just enough to sniff. They walked out the back of the barn to the pen where Ducati was standing.

As soon as the mustang saw the bundle in Georgia’s arms, he walked toward the three humans and nickered softly. He stuck his nose through the bars of the panel fencing and Georgia let him sniff the little boy. Ducati whinnied quietly and his ears shot forward. There was a softness in the mustang’s eyes that Tyler recognized.

“He knows that’s gonna be his rider one day.” Tyler said, rubbing his hands up and down Georgia’s arms.

🌪️🛻🛩️⚓

Sam and Jake had been getting a crash course in raising a small human. Because they were able to, they did one feeding a day for Jaycen for that first week, hoping to give Tyler and Georgia some reprieve. Usually in the middle of the day, so that if Tyler had to run to the store he could, and Georgia could sneak out and check on the horses. Ophelia and Lennon had come to help, offering to do whatever Dustin couldn't.

Tyler had to run to the grain store, leaving Georgia home with Jaycen. Jake elected to go with him, and Sam stayed with Georgia just in case she needed any help. They hopped in Georgia’s truck, as it had the open bed and headed off.

“This is a pretty nice truck. This is hers?” Jake asked as they headed out the driveway.

“Yeah, she’s had this since she started rodeoin’. It got trashed last year durin’ chasin’ season. I’ve been workin’ on fixin’ it for the entirety of her pregnancy. Finally got it fixed. No frame issues thank god, but I don’t know that I trust it to tow a trailer anymore after that.” Tyler explained.

“How’d it get trashed?”

“Tornado rolled it. Gee said they were goin’ pretty fast too. She got a concussion from that. Her two friends were in it and they were okay just scared the shit outta them.”

“That sucks. She still want this truck?” Jake asked. Tyler raised a brow.

“Why, you wanna buy it?”

“I don’t know. I kinda like it. It’s not a girly truck. It’s nice.” Jake mused. Tyler smirked at him as they pulled down the main street in Stillwater, heading through town to the store.

‘You’re goin’ home soon aren’t ya? Tyler asked. Jake nodded.

“I do need to get back to work. They wanna do a physical and mental eval. Then they need to see if I can hack it up in a jet again. It’s not the flying I’m worried about at all. That comes second nature to me. It’s the leavin’.”

“You got the dogs though. She’ll be fine.”

“How’d you know Georgia was pregnant?” Jake asked, rolling down the window as Tyler slowed up and turned off the main strip.

“She was real sick one mornin’. Peed on a stick. It was positive, so we made an appointment with Doc Halstead and went through all the shit there. I went to every appointment too, even if I was gonna be chasin’. Rushed home for one cause I didn’t wanna miss seein’ his little heart beat.” Damn, Jake...I really love that kid already.” Tyler turned into the feed store lot and parked in the front. The nice thing about their local store was that they could order by phone or online and they got a notification when it was ready to be picked up so all they had to do was go in and give their phone number. Georgia ordered enough every week for a half a pallet, so they would use the forklift and place it in the back. When Tyler got it home, he used the forks they had for the tractor and lifted it off and placed it in the front of the barn so the only lifting that had to be ever was to put the bags in the grain room.

“Sam and I have...yuh know...like a lot...and she’s not showing any signs.” Jake said as he was about to get out but Tyler stopped him. One of the employees had seen Tyler and waved him over to the loading dock. They knew by now that he had an order, he barely had to get out of the truck.

“Doc said all women are different and even all pregnancies are different. She said she had one woman who was sick the entire pregnancy, had to be bed ridden for the last trimester and then her next one she kept working and felt fine up until a week before her due date. Said it depends on the environment and how you take care of yourself. I’m a lot healthier than I used to be. Doc said it’s not just the women. Has to do with the guy too.” Tyler explained as he backed the truck to the dock. The employee pulled the tailgate down.

“Sam and are are pretty good about eating healthy and what not. We exercise, stay fit.” Jake said, as he watched the employee place the half pallet of grain and supplements in the bed carefully.

“So maybe her body is just like ‘everything’s fine’ right now. When you get home if you’re really that worried, have her go to a doctor. You should talk to her about it though.” Tyler said as the employee waved to him and closed the tailgate.

“I know, I know. We have...sort of. She’s scared to have kids.” Jake said as Tyler drove out and headed back toward home.

“Why?” He asked, glancing at Jake.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s just the fact that she would be carrying around another human for nine months or if it’s because I almost died on that last deployment...”

“I venture t’guess it’s the latter. She doesn’t wanna have a kid, have all the dogs, and then get a letter from the Navy sayin’ hey your husband died flyin’ a jet, sorry. She’s scared to lose you.”

“I get it, but..she knew what she was getting herself into. Her father was an aviator too.”

“But how long was her father an aviator and deployed on missions before she grew up and understood what she could lose? And you said her father just passed not too long ago. I’m sure that weighs heavy on her mind.”

“Yeah she had lost someone else too before that.”

“Well so there’s exactly why she’s so scared. And I’ll bet she doesn’t want that kid growing up without a dad, Jake. I know you’re gonna be a great dad, but you do have to be a little sensitive to her feelings too. Don’t be so hard on yourself either. And damn it, just talk to her, like we’re talkin’ right now. Put everythin’ out there.”

“You always give the best advice.” Jake said, staring at his brother.

“You do too when I need it. That’s what brothers are for though. To give each other advice.” Tyler said and then he turned up the radio slightly, letting the music take over and fill the comfortable silence that had entered the truck. Jake’s thought traveled back to California then as he stared out the window and across the fields of wheat and corn. He had come to wonder if California was really the place for him and if he wanted to have a family out there, or if he wanted to come back home and try to raise a family here. He wanted to be close to Tyler. He’d always been his safety blanket. His balm when things got rough, so why wouldn’t he want to be closer to him and his parents.

But he had to think about Sam too. California was all she knew, except for going to Harvard for college, but even then she had gone home as much as she could. It was a discussion that they needed to have and Jake just didn’t know how to start it or where to start with it. He’d been putting it off for so long it felt like a monster feat to try to bring it up but he knew he needed to do it. Maybe talking all of it out before they went back to California would be the best thing, so that they could manage expectations of each other when they got back and really evaluate whether or not this was what they wanted, now that they’d gotten a taste of this life.

When they arrived back at the ranch, Tyler started up the tractor and swapped the bucket fo the forks so that he could move the pallet. Jake directed him and then once he’d placed it down, Jake began moving bags into the grain room. Tyler left the tractor running.

“You mind putting the grain in the bins? I just wanna go drag the arena. It’s my five minutes of peace and quiet to myself.” Tyler said and Jake nodded. He watched as Tyler walked up to the house quickly, meeting Georgia on the porch. She had Jaycen in her arms and the dogs all came piling out of the front door. Grits, the red heeler, peed on the grass by the first step and then ran, leapt up into the cab of the tractor and sat, waiting for his human. Jake observed for a few more minutes, watching his brother kiss his wife on the lips and kiss his newborn son, all bundled in clothes and a blanket, on the forehead. All Jake could think of then was that he did in fact, want this life. He wanted to come home to Sam and a baby. He wanted everything that Tyler was sharing with him.

He sighed as he saw Tyler step down from the porch and Georgia walked back inside, already looking like a pro with Jaycen in one arm and the door held open for Waffles, the only one of the dogs that wanted to come back in. The little blue dog ran inside and Jake watched Tyler hop into the tractor cab, Grits taking up his place on his human’s lap, and heading off to drag the ring. Jake continued moving the bags of grain and dumping them into their respective barrels. He was almost done when he heard light footsteps coming into the barn.

“Hey, handsome.” It was Samantha. Jake, as he crumpled up the last bag and put it in the recycling bin, smiled wide. He stepped over to her, dusting his hands off and then wrapping them around her waist.

“Hey, gorgeous.” He said softly, pressing his lips to hers. They stayed in that moment, lips just touching, no tongues, no passionate forcefulness, just love between them. Jake was the one who broke the kiss and then his green eyes stared into the warm chocolate brown of Sam’s.

“Can we talk about some things before we go home?” He asked, and she nodded, allowing him to guide her out to the back of the barn so that they could speak in peace and private. They leaned against Ducati’s panels, the horse walking over immediately to say hi. Jake reached through the bars and placed his hand on the gelding’s forehead and scratched softly.

“What do you want to talk about, Jake?” She asked, reaching for one of his hands. He glanced down and then back up at her, eyes full of concern. Sam clocked it immediately and she drew him in closer. “What's got you worried?”

“I’m just wondering...if you feel okay? Feel any different?” He asked and she tilted her head.

“No? Did I do something that has you asking that?”

“No, no, I just...I...we’ve...fuck...we’ve had sex...a lot...without...” Jake stuttered, trying to figure out how to start. Sam took in a sharp breath.

“I don’t feel any different, no. I...actually called a doctor, back home. I was kind of thinking I might be pregnant at this point too but... I just haven’t gotten around to taking a test and...I’m worried that there’s something wrong...”

“Maybe it’s just bad timing? Maybe it’s me? I know they said the meds I was on when I came home, the depression shit...they could affect stuff like that. Either way...maybe when they do my physical eval I can have them run some tests there too.”

“I think that sounds like a great idea...and Jake I know this is hard. Having to leave. I know you want to stay longer.” Sam moved in to put her hands on his chest and she saw his eyes grow misty. His brows furrowed and he touched his forehead to hers then.

“And I know California is your home.” He whispered.

“It is...it’s yours too. But...Jake...we have many more years ahead of us...and we can decide, together, where we want to live.” Sam said softly, running her fingers up and down his chest.

“Do we? Have many more years?” Jake asked, tone flat.

“What?” She drew back, her stare hardening.

“Do you want this Sam? Do you want me? With everything that comes with me being in the Navy? With the possibility that what happened last time, could happen again? Or that the next time, I don’t come home? Are you really okay with that?” He asked. He felt warm breath on his hand. Ducati was standing, quietly closing his eyes to the sound of them talking. Sam took a few moments, petting the gelding’s neck and thinking over what she wanted to say to Jake.

“No Jake...to be honest the thought of losing you absolutely scares me to death, but...I love you so much that I want to give it a try. I want this. And everything that comes with it. Because I’m realizing that I really don’t wanna ever be without you...and I know...I know you’re going to go back on deployments and I know you’re going to be gone at times, but I know you’re always going to do everything you can to come back to me. To us.” She said and Jake pulled her in close, kissing the top of her head.

“I just worry...about not being there for any kids we have. I don’t want to miss things...I don’t want...” Jake’s speech drifted off and his eyes glazed over. Sam knew he was thinking of his father, Randall, not Kenny. Jake didn’t want his kids to miss him.

“Jake...I’m more resilient than you give me credit for sometimes. I’d be okay...and they’d be okay. And imagine how excited they’d be to have you home...”

🌪️🛻🛩️⚓

As always, Tyler and Jake took an hour, and set off in the truck. They always did this when Jake had to leave, though it wouldn’t be for another month or so, but Tyler needed the time alone with his brother. They were at a very different place and time in both of their lives, but the same sentiment. Tyler turned up the radio and even though it was chilly, rolled the windows down. The first song that came on was one that they both sung softly, but the words hung heavy in the air between them, making them both tear up.

“I’ve been thinkin’ back, summers in the woods, didn’t keep time, cause we didn’t know we should, snuck a little whiskey on the back porch, and now I’m needin’ more, so on a saturday don’t call me if you miss, I’m on a southbound train, just take me back to...skippin’ town and skippin’ classes, time passed slow, like ole molasses, the hardest part of movin’ out was movin’ on. And city lights are dim compared to southern skies and open air. The hardest part of lettin’ go was lettin’ on that I’m goin’ goin’ gone.”

They stayed quiet as the song finished, the next one filtering through the speakers, on a slightly happier note.

“I love a first cast when the water's glass and the line starts to run. Or that first sip of a cold beer when the workin’ weeks done. I love the twilight in the mornin’ fore the day wakes up, or the windows down on the first ride in a paid-up truck. And I love a slow down in a beach town with an ocean view, and I love a first fall Saturday trip down to Baton Rouge. And I love a six-string with the stars out and the campfire glow, but girl that don’t even come close ...” Both brothers hummed but they sang the chorus, each having someone in mind. Someone special.

“To the way that it feels when you lean in and kiss me, the way that you dance when you get kinda tipsy, I’m wrapped round your finger like this ring I’m wearing, that look in your eye, girl, when you catch me starin’, and I don’t even know what it is but now that I’ve found, I can’t imagine me livin’ without this back forty view on our piece of ground, watching you watch the sun goin’ down, that’s what my world spins around .” Tyler glanced over at Jake, his lips turning up. Jake’s all knowing smile met his brother’s.

“That little blond barrel racer...” Jake said, tilting his head in approval.

“That little brunette that you hadta have...” Tyler said, shook his head and reached over to pat his brother’s arm.

#glen powell #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin #tyler owens #jake seresin x oc #tyler owens x oc #twisters fanfic #twisters 2024 #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick #top gun hangman #Spotify

26 notes · View notes