#language is and has been a particular interest of mine

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Someone insisting we don't learn language intuitively unless homeschooled...Did...did your parents put in you in school at 18 months of age? Did a teacher go around a room of toddlers with a dictionary saying, "This is what 'mama' means"? Because if the answer to that is no--and it is definitely no--you learned language intuitively, like everyone else. The finer points you learn in school, and later on your own, but even as you're doing that, you're still picking up words and phrases just by talking to people and reading.

[spacemothsota]

The language of miners.

A little thoughts. Some time ago, I was visited by the idea that some of the cybertronians might have developed a universal language because of a particular work. Just imagine that you have been spending almost your whole life on one or another job, this cannot but affect you. One way or another, the profession leaves its mark.

And that’s what I thought about. What if … the miners have developed their own language, which they practice from one generation to other generation? Just think the mines is a dark, dangerous place, you can also encounter Sparkeater (or any other monsters), even heavy noise or vibration can lead to a collapse or attract the attention of dangerous creatures. What language is best suited if even speak in unstable areas can be dangerous?

Bio light. Language from flashes of light, this is quiet and universal for a dark place. Just imagine, the miners spend most of the time developing the sleeves of the mines and I doubt very much that the lighting would be extended everywhere. Obviously, the furs of this profession has flashlights (if you look at the Terminus, they are part of its helmet), I think that the lines of the bio lights among the cybertronians can also be bright enough to illuminate a small space around themselves.

I think this language could resemble something like Morse code. Short or long flashes, just imagine how fast the miners must react to read each other's messages. It is also quite universal, in the sense that the language for this profession is single and does not have branches, like for example in the language of the Seeker wings (I suppose that the difference between Vos and other cities of flying bots can most likely be, the language is still common, but the accents and dialects can be different. Like the languages ​​of one group on Earth, for example, like among the Slavic peoples). This would suggest that they can probably flash biofires more strongly (well, in theory they are brighter than other Cybertronians), I also think that young miners probably remember it faster than normal speech. It would be funny to see a young miner trying to communicate in this way with a bot whose profession does not intersect with miners. Imagine police bots that depending on the city or state can often cross paths with miners and can speak this flash language fluently. There are so many applications for this and it would be really interesting.

I think by the way, in addition to the flashes, it would be logical to add body language and maybe touch. That miners can be quite tactile, you know, tap a comrade gently on the shoulder with their fingers to get attention (I think they can move quietly so as not to cause a lot of vibrations, so getting attention in this way would be logical) or point at something and only then the bio lights come into play. That's why groups of miners could be closely related. Their communication culture would simply imply close contact for communication.

If someone asks, imagine a young Megatron writing poetry and putting on a real light show for the rest of the miners, it's crazy haha. This language may not be understood by others, so it has advantages both in terms of romantic manifestations and in military affairs. Considering that many Decepticons were from lesser professions, the language of bio ligths would be common among their.

[acapelladitty]

Batman: Arkham Session #1

Summary: After an incident at work, Edward Nashton is assigned to Dr. Jonathan Crane for psychological assessment. A decision which places both men in the firing line.

One half of an exchange with the incredible @skxtchyghost who has the absolutely amazing art half of this little encounter here!

Fic Masterlist /// Link to A03

From the moment he laid eyes on him, Jonathan Crane could tell that Edward Nashton would be less than an ideal patient. From the way that he lounged carelessly in his chair to his casual gaze which swept along the many achievements and objects which littered the walls of Jonathan's office.

Every inch of the lanky frame screamed difficult and Jonathan found his mood worsening as he shifted past the meagre introductions which had been shared.

Jonthan flicked his eyes over the notes he had been provided from the incident report as his left hand rose to adjust the bolo tie which hung loosely around his throat.

"You destroyed a workstation in a fit of," Jonathan lifted the top sheet of paper from his clipboard as he quoted the report directly, "obvious rage while using considerably inappropriate language. These are not the actions of a rational man."

Unapologetic, Edward spread his hands in a wide gesture as a defensive smile stretched across his lips.

"I'm the only rational man in this city."

"Oh?"

Really having a limited interest in whatever nonsense Edward was about to spout, Jonathan made a quick note on his clipboard - ready to simply diagnose him with some asinine anxiety disorder and throw some medication at him to quell the worst of his obvious symptoms.

"The others are so willing to ignore the corruption," Edward continued with a growing irritation, "how unbearably stupid and foolish the criminals that rule this city choose to be."

"Harsh allegations."

"Only because the evidence is routinely destroyed. Weeks of work erased in an instance because a particular name would rather not be associated with the actions investigated." His tone snappy, Edward was clearly not at peace with his treatment and Jonathan frowned at the sudden emotional outburst. "Weeks! Good work. No recognition. Only a sharp reminder that our job is to catch real criminals."

"I can imagine the frustration."

Something in Edward's expression shifted and Jonathan tensed as he took in the change in body language, the immediate aggression which crawled into his leaning frame and clenching fists as Edward met his gaze without flinching. It was an open challenge and Jonathan would not back down as he accepted and adjusted his glasses to allow him to keep Edward's attention.

"You bore me. Don't feed me the words I want to hear, Doctor."

"Interesting. Do you see me as your enemy?"

Wary but slightly more interested in his patient, Jonathan asked the question with the smallest of smiles.

"Yes. Your work is as corrupted as mine even if your corruption comes from a more personal insistence."

Jonathan's blood ran cold.

"I do not know you, Mr. Nashton. Neither do you know me."

He couldn't know.

No one knew.

Especially not a jumped up technician from the GCPD.

No.

He was just fishing for information, attempting to claw back the control of the situation by fabricating infor-

"Your purchasing history is interesting, both online and in your role within this asylum." Edward grinned, his body language relaxing into something almost smug. "Meaningless to a layman, but a small touch of research and critical thinking goes to show just how dangerous the various chemicals and research papers you collect could be. Pair that with the increased reports of catatonia which patients under your care have been reduced to and we have something approaching a pattern."

"Mr. Nashton, these delusions do nothing to further yo-"

Rudely, Jonathan found himself cut off by a childish wave.

"Your business is your own and I have no reason to care for any of the degenerates in this building. My work is almost finished and I have my own important business to attend to. Where our paths cross is that I require a clean bill of health to leave my job with the appropriate supports in place."

Smiling widely, his glasses pushed tight against his eyes, Edward perched his fingers on the light-coloured vest which covered his shirt as his cheap shoes tapped a soft rhythm to the carpet. Opposite him, Jonathan felt much more uptight - the shift in dynamic having put his teeth on edge as the urge to regain control of the situation tempted him into dangerous territory.

"You're blackmailing me." Jonathan gritted out.

"If you choose to view it as such then yes. I choose to view it as a mutual exchange of services." Shrugging, Edward caught his hands between his knees. "You clear me, and I erase some of the more unsavoury purchases that you have unsuccessfully distanced from your name."

Seeing each other plainly, Jonathan abandoned any pretence of playing the game and his expression soured into open distaste, regarding Edward with contempt.

"And what guarantees do I have that you are speaking the truth? One word from me and you will be locked away with the worst that Gotham has to offer." Flashing a cruel grin, filled with yellowing teeth, Jonathan tilted his head. "I could have you in a shared cell which houses violence that would easily end a man like yourself."

"All my information is due to release at a specific time if I am not available to prevent it. Risk it all and see."

Reclining once more, Edward presented his hand before himself as he investigated his nails with a forced nonchalance.

"So, Doctor Jonathan Crane, how are we going to move past this?"

[gowerhardcastle]

A very interesting, at least in my opinion, has crossed my mind. For all that I’ve ever written, there has always been some underlying theme, or rather a point, or even multiple points, that I’ve wished for readers to get from my works. And so I was wondering, in all of your works, have they all been created that way as well? Do your stories have those underlying points, and also, do you think that stories can be created without some hidden meaning behind them? Some message, that authors wanted to portray in an artistic way?

I had to think about this one for quite a while.

My first impulse was to just say, "No, nothing in particular. I just want to write a funny story."

But then I thought a little more, and here is the actual answer.

Some of you probably know that I'm an English Professor and have been for quite a while. My whole life has been about the written word--about cultivating it, showing its value, teaching about it, and trying to create beautiful prose.

If my games are about anything, they are about how much I love language. I know my games are not for everyone: when I read articles about how the typical university student has trouble getting through thirty pages of literature in a *week* whereas it used to be more the norm to assign 100+ pages, that tracks with my experience as a professor. And I know that a game like mine, which is very, very long, has a very mannered writing style, has a highly literary sensibility, and asks a lot of time from the reader is never going to be a breakthrough hit the way some games are.

I'm okay with that, because I'm writing the kind of game that I love, and it's meant to appeal to people for whom reading millions and millions of words is not an intimidating thing, but a treat.

As a professor who also teaches first-year writing, and, alas, some online classes, I am also deeply, deeply in the trenches dealing with AI writing, and it makes me very sad for people who are depriving themselves of (what I think of) as one of the most beautiful and human things you can do, which is to write. I don't want to make it more of a thing than it is, but when I feel feelings like this, writing my game is the thing I can reliably turn to as the antidote.

The slow process of creation (I've been at this sequel now for five years) and a lot of attention to detail and to the beauty of the writing is how I resist. The essential innocence and joy of the world, delight in language, and the laughter it inspires is my small resistance to things.

When I sit down to write, practically every time, I hope that someone will read it and laugh. Whether that's a hidden meaning or an artistic theme, I doubt, but that's what I hope for.

If you would like to play a very long demo of most of the first two chapters, read stories, short essays on game design, and read various rambles on interactive fiction, and in the process, fight the system (?), why not visit The Noble Gases Club?

Here, you can find stuff like a discussion of frame narrative, a sample of a character design of Juniper, and a discussion of my "straight shot" approach to the current chapter I'm working on. All free (for free members)!

It's highly literary 1930s England, in a P.G. Wodehouse inspired world where all shall be well.

[marlynnofmany]

Singing the Return

(A followup to Singing the Approach)

Our ship touched down like usual, with the captain in the cockpit along with a pilot (it was Kavlae’s shift), talking to the locals about where to park. In a slight departure from usual, this landing pad wasn’t anywhere near the ground. It was on top of a cactus-tree-thing that thankfully (very thankfully) didn’t sway in the wind.

I waited in the cargo bay with Zhee. He was a little twitchy, flicking his antenna and shuffling his legs and generally not holding still. I wasn’t about to say anything about it, but I suspected Zhee wasn’t a fan of heights.

Luckily for him, the landing pad was broad enough that he didn’t need to get close to the edge. Unluckily for him, Captain Sunlight had suggested that he be part of the delivery crew today because he’d been there when we met the clients before, and they would be expecting him.

With the amount he was flexing his pinchers, you’d think he was the one the clients had offered to give a tour of their skyscraper cactus city.

As the bay door started to open, Zhee asked me, “Did you check if that belt has a full charge?”

“Yes I did,” I told him, pushing the button on my gravity belt to display a full line of power lights. “And Mimi even looked it over for loose wires or whatever. I’m all set.”

“Good,” Zhee said, angling his torso so that his front half was higher — the Mesmer equivalent of standing up straight. I was continually amused by how much praying mantises resembled centaurs, and how much this particular alien species resembled Earth bugs. This wasn’t the time to bring it up, though.

The door was open all the way now, and there was Captain Sunlight, come to lead the way out. I could see a cluster of many-limbed locals waiting outside in the bright sun. The landing surface looked like it was made of red rocks mined nearby. Hopefully they were stable on top of this cactus-tree. The captain waved us forward: Zhee with the crates on a hoversled and me singing my best approximation of the local greeting song.

I’d practiced it on the way here. It was high-pitched but slow, like a songbird in slow motion. Or, more accurately, like a songbird trying to sing like a whale. This particular culture interacted regularly with their ground-bound evolutionary cousins, who wouldn’t have made it past the first climbing spike on these cactus towers.

The Tree-grabber in front stepped forward, chirping a reply song, then switching to the more recognizable trade language. “Greetings! We are delighted to smell you.” He waved his mousy ears happily, all four arms folded in front of him.

“And we you,” replied Captain Sunlight, whose people actually said that kind of greeting themselves. Her yellow scales were extra bright in this sun. “Would you like to inspect the merchandise?”

They would. Zhee did his part by prying open the crates with his mighty mantis arms — I don’t know why the supplier of these fruits insisted on packaging them this way, but it was good we had him along — and the Tree-grabbers all made a big deal of sniffing the fruits. The antigrav belts in the other crate got sniffed too, though thankfully they didn’t stink.

I could smell the fruits from where I was standing; that sour smell made my eyes water even at a distance. But no one was paying attention to me, busy as they were with signing for the delivery on the tablet that Captain Sunlight held out. Zhee put the lids back on. I wiped my eyes and admired the view. It was a nice scenic desert scrubland out there, with only the other cactus-trees in the way. I could see the entire sprawling city where the Ground-grabbers lived, and just barely make out the buildings on the distant Air-grabber mesa.

“Are you still interested in a tour?” someone asked.

I turned back and smiled without baring teeth. “Yes please!”

The lead Tree-grabber was returning the tablet to Captain Sunlight while the others moved the crates onto their own low-tech wheeled cart. Behind them, a hatch slid open in the red stones of the landing pad. Zhee towed the hoversled back toward our ship as soon as it was empty.

Captain Sunlight looked up at me. “Travel with care,” she said, which was a polite way of urging me not to trip and fall off the cactus.

“I will,” I told her. “And I have my phone if anything comes up.” That covered a lot of ground. We’d already discussed keeping an eye out for possible delivery needs: offworld items that I might tactfully suggest to the locals. They wouldn’t have thought to ask about the antigrav belts if the subject hadn’t come up in conversation the last time we were here.

“Then kindly follow me to the handpath,” said the many-limbed monkey-mouse. Dang, what was his name? I thought. He had a name. It translated as just a sound. Chirp, right, that’s what it was. I knew that. Totally professional over here. I kindly followed Chirp in the direction of the handpath.

Which was over the edge, because of course it was. Metal handrails like the kind I usually saw at swimming pools waited next to the steps. Chirp led the way.

I set the gravity belt to “catch me if I suddenly plunge downward,” and followed.

I like climbing, right? Big fan. I was all over the playground as a kid, and I never really stopped. It’s particularly fun when I get to be “the one who can reach things high up,” or otherwise be appreciated for climbing a tree or a spaceship or what have you. Occasionally I’ll meet someone else who enjoys being above the ground. Most species seem to prefer being on a safe, level surface.

Not these guys. Wow. I was glad that Captain Sunlight had insisted on the gravity belt, because this was intense. The entire city street system were basically ladders on the outside of skyscrapers.

“This handpath is designed with elders and the occasional visitor in mind,” Chirp called up to me. “Artificial steps and platforms placed regularly.” When I looked down, I saw that he was indeed standing on a platform already, which even had a railing around it. There were more ladders on either side, and other platforms that could be reached with the help of metal handholds.

“That’s very considerate,” I said. Other cactus-trees were close enough that I could watch the agile citizens scurry along the surfaces, using only the natural cactus spikes and small branches. Wild. “Do you have any handpaths inside?” I managed to make it sound casual as I stepped down onto the platform with a perfectly normal heart rate. There was a door here that I hadn’t seen from above.

“There are some,” he said. “Mostly for emergencies.”

I had to laugh. “That’s the opposite of where I’m from.”

“Really?” He perked up in curiosity. “How so?”

“We have tall buildings like this that we made,” I said with a wave toward the towering plants. “Nothing on Earth grows this big, but we can build it. And we do all our travel between levels inside, except for emergency escape ladders on the outside.”

“Fascinating!” Chirp said. “I suppose if you make the whole things yourselves, you can make sure the inside is strong enough to support as many rooms as you need.”

“Yeah, definitely,” I agreed, laying a palm against the smooth cactus wall. “These are pretty soft at the core, huh?”

“Oh yes, that’s why the rooms are kept strictly to the outer layer,” Chirp said. “Come in; let me show you.”

He opened the door and I got ready to duck, since it was just under human height, then a rapid succession of shadows passed over us.

Chirp made an irritated click. “Air-grabbers, come to get in the way again!”

I looked, curious to see what they actually looked like. Both the Tree-grabbers and the Ground-grabbers had complained about them last time.

They looked a lot like I expected: bats with skinny arms held close while they flew. Everybody seemed to have six limbs on this planet.

And varying opinions about personal space. The Air-grabbers fluttered around the cactus towers, inspecting anything that caught their interest. They circled people carrying groceries. They poked their heads into open doors, only to get shooed back out. They arrowed in on the spaceship parked above. And they flew past me repeatedly, almost enough of them to run into each other. High-pitched voices floated on the breeze, but none of them addressed us directly.

“Inside,” Chirp said, opening the door. I followed him in. He shut it firmly, leaving the squeaking cloud of bats outside.

The ceiling was a bit low here, but at least this was a proper civilized room, not something carved directly from the wet cactus innards. Multiple desks, counters, and couches made it look like an info center, or some other kind of “just arrived from above” hub. I wondered if there was a lot of travel between cactus cities here. Several locals waited in line.

Then someone else rushed in after us, complaining in her own chittering language, and she pulled up short when she saw the tall alien bent over by the door.

“Hello,” I said.

“My greetings,” she said, edging sideways. “Pardon.” With a quick arm gesture that was probably polite — one to her chest and three outward — she hurried off to stand in line. Everyone else was staring.

I’ve been stared at plenty in my time, so this was only a little awkward. I waved. Small windows that I hadn’t noticed in the walls flickered with passing shadows.

Chirp said, “I apologize for the Air-grabbers. They hardly make a visit pleasant.”

“Is there any way to ask them nicely to leave?” I asked. “I assume you’re tried discussing it with their leaders?”

“Many times.” Chirp looked tired. “They don’t care. As far as they’re concerned, the air is their territory, and it’s our poor luck that we have to breathe it.”

“How rude,” I murmured, not wanting to cast judgement on an alien culture. But my present audience more than agreed.

“Yes, they are very rude,” Chirp said, working up to a proper rant. “Shouting at them does no good, since they just find it funny. Bad weather will make them leave, but that’s a problem for us too, and hardly something we can conjure up on a whim. Though they did seem to dislike the sound of the wind through the observatory when half the windows were left open; that we could probably do on purpose. Not very helpful here, though.”

“What kind of sound was it?” I asked, half an idea forming.

“A very high shriek,” he told me. “Almost too high to hear. The wind did some strange things with those windows.”

“I wonder if you could ward them off with noise,” I said.

“Maybe,” he said, not sounding terribly optimistic. “Like I said, yelling doesn’t help, and that’s loud too.”

Somebody else scrambled through the door, complaining. This guy didn’t even see me, just slamming the door and hurrying forward like he was ready to have words with whoever was in charge here. Maybe he was. More shadows passed over the windows.

“Can I try something?” I asked. “A quick loud noise? I’ll do it outside.”

He looked curious at that. “Go ahead. Just make sure not to startle anyone on the handpaths nearby.”

“Of course,” I said. Then I turned my back on the staring eyes, opened the door, and stepped out to where I could stand up to my full height.

No Tree-grabbers nearby. Perfect. I put two fingers in my mouth and let loose with the most ear-piercing whistle I could muster.

Startled bats changed course in midair, flapping and diving to get away, a cloud of chattering alarm and confusion. Judging by the shadows, some of the ones from above had lifted off as well.

I watched for a moment to see that they kept their distance, then I ducked back inside.

“That seemed to work,” I told Chirp.

Chirp was rubbing his ear. “I’m not surprised. Very loud. How well did it work?”

I waved him outside to take a look for himself. He perked up when he saw how far the Air-grabbers had moved back. “That’s the best result I’ve seen yet! I’m sure some of it might be from the surprise of it all, but even so.”

“You said the wind shriek was almost too high to hear,” I said. “Do you think the Air-grabbers can hear sounds that you can’t quite pick up?” Their ears were bigger, but what did I know?

“Now that,” Chirp said decisively, “Is an idea worth pursuing.”

“So there’s this animal on my planet called a dog,” I said. “And a certain kind of whistle that only they can hear…”

By the time my tour was over, I had a representative of the city very interested in having us deliver some offworld noise-makers that might help them keep the peace.

(The rest of the tour was nice; they had some impressive architecture inside those cactuses, and everyone greeted me politely. I didn’t fall off the side once.)

When I climbed back up the ladder to the landing pad, taking care not to focus on the long drop behind me, I was surprised to find a handful of Air-grabbers perched there in conversation with the captain.

Chirp made a disapproving grunt, but said nothing as we walked over.

“Ah, welcome back!” Captain Sunlight said to me. “It looks like our next visit will involve a delivery of fruit to the other above-ground city in these parts.”

The Air-grabber in front smiled with sharp teeth. “Ours is the best.”

“As you say,” Captain Sunlight agreed politely.

“We will need the items delivered directly to an entrance,” said the Air-grabber. “Not to the high ground. Is that something you can do?”

Chirp muttered something that sounded like “Knew it.”

“I’m sure we can manage that,” Captain Sunlight said. “Our ship has some very stable thrusters, and talented pilots. And, failing that—” She looked at me. “Someone experienced with antigrav belts and high places.”

I chuckled and turned off the safety. “That you do.”

~~~

There's an exciting mini-project coming out next week! Details here!

~~~

These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.

Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.

The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).

[loquaciousquark]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

This week has been hell and now that I'm finally coming to the end of it, I'm going to sit down & enjoy this! Sorry in advance for the length.

My favorite fics vacillate wildly depending on my mood, interest, and the time of year, but right now, I think this is what I've got. In no particular order:

Invicta, Invictus (2016)

Magister AU. Hawke ends up owning Fenris while in Minrathous & they fall in love anyway. This fic was difficult to write for a lot of reasons (a main one just being my fear of not doing justice to the premise and underselling the slavery aspect), and it took nearly a year to finish between the writing itself, the rewriting and additional scenes required from @jadesabre301's beta, and final edits. By the time I started posting I felt confident that I'd written something solid, but despite the otherwise positive response, I did end up receiving a series of extremely angry, lengthy critical comments from someone who basically accused me of perpetuating the glorification of rape, the enslavement of people of color, and the entrenchment of cruelty against victims of sexual assault. (I vividly remember a comparison between Thomas Jefferson & Sally Hemings.)

This came out of the blue from someone I knew & had otherwise quite respected; it was a blow that shook my confidence to the core, despite several wonderful people reaching out to me at the time, and while I finished posting the fic, I completely stopped writing otherwise. I ended up not writing anything of significance for three full years afterwards. It wasn't until I got extremely drunk on a work trip (after a personal dinner, no colleagues around) and went back to my hotel to jot down the first lines of the Hawke-is-rescued-from-the-Fade fic that I even entertained the idea of picking the hobby back up.

Now, looking back after almost ten years, I've long come to terms with her criticism. I've decided that I disagree with her, that I'm actually still okay with what I wrote, and that I'm proud of the work I did in that fic. I think the premise is good and the examination of the social and political structures is sound, and I think the fic does what it needs to where the relationship strains against the societal boundaries around it. Not to mention I think it has some of my best Fenris characterization I ever managed, and some of my better Hawke jokes. I think the letter exchange at the end is effectively poignant even after all this time (though I do wish I'd written Danarius's actual death a little differently), and I still find the ending as they approach Kirkwall very satisfying. I'll also never turn down a chance to let Varania have a moment or two.

I'm proud of this one, and I'm glad I wrote it.

A Midwinter's Carol; in Prose; Being a Ghost Story of Baldur's Gate (2023)

I think this fic has some of my best technical mimicry I've ever managed. I've always enjoyed a good stylistic parroting, but this was the first time I'd attempted Dickens, and I genuinely think I did a good job. 😂 I've always been fascinated by the mechanics of language, and I had a great time spoofing his oddly frank addresses to the reader and his serpentine asides.

It's quite short—less than 10k—but I think it does exactly what it's supposed to, and I'm genuinely proud of some of the AU elements. @eponymous-rose gave me Christmases Past and Present, so I can't lay claim to those (aside from execution), but the way Future's demand resolves & the Thayan book standing in for the door knocker were all mine, and I still think they're genius, ahaha. (I also fully acknowledge that I owe Jade big time for helping me clarify the final deal Astarion strikes.)

I think the wordplay throughout of what it means to be redeemed is well written, and I'm genuinely pleased with the turn of the mood during the Future sequence. I can tell my love of flippant characters having stark face-to-face encounters with gods is probably a little strong at the end, but Megan Whalen Turner was a formative influence, and I still love it the way it came out here. This is a fic that did exactly what I wanted it to from start to finish, and I love rereading it.

I also think Astarion refusing to participate in the narrative and Tav's modern voice against the Dickensian backdrop are utterly hilarious.

Iron Bound (2023)

This is the most ambitious project I've ever tackled, even considering Invicta above. I knew this would be a long fic, and while I'd daydreamed about scenes from it for nearly a decade, I genuinely didn't know if I had the technical ability to execute it the way I wanted. Once I finally, finally, finally sat down to write it, the words came out like butter, and I wrote almost 70k words in two weeks.

This fic was interesting because it included a love triangle, which is not something I have ever had the slightest interest in reading or writing, but I felt the relationships were strong enough between all three pillars that I wanted to give it a shot. I love Hawke & Fenris, obviously, but the Fenris + Sebastian brotherhood is likewise vitally important to me, and I've always treasured the Sebastian + Hawke friendship as well. Getting to examine all three of them closely here was wonderful from start to finish, and I loved looking at where the lines strained and grew lax as they got to know each other.

Likewise, I've also adored characters who have to face the conflict between love and duty, and this premise let me marinate in every part of the idea. Knowing that I'd be able to give them all happy endings—knowing that they'd be rewarded for doing the right thing—was very pat and yet very satisfying, and I enjoyed every minute of the tension before the resolution.

This fic was in many ways an homage to Patricia McKillip, one of my favorite authors, and also a frank wish-fulfillment exercise for me. This is the one where everyone lives. This is the one where no one suffers for too long. Malcolm, Carver, Bethany, Leandra—even Varania and Sebastian and Anders and the dog. Everyone lives. Everyone is happy and loved and fed and secure and will remain so for the rest of their lives, and I remain thoroughly unapologetic for it.

I do think (despite Jade's attempts to correct it) that there's some marked narrative clumsiness in the back third, and with a little distance I can see ways I could have revised the Danarius confrontation and the series of epilogues to hang together more cleanly. There are also some heavy-handed sequences regarding the broader world politics which I think stand out against what is otherwise fairly mature writing, and I wish I'd threaded those through a bit more deftly.

That said, I'm still immensely proud of this project, and once I finish this post I'm probably going to reread it start to finish. 😂

This Lethal Light Falls Softly (2023)

I was very passionate about the central conceit of this fic, and I think it shows. It's cleanly written with no wasted time—even rereading it now for this post, there's only one exchange I'd still tweak—and I'm very happy with the way I wrote the Tav & Astarion relationship at this stage. They're a wholly different beast to Fenris & Hawke, who are friends for seven years before they finally embark on a real relationship; Tav & Astarion know each other maybe a few weeks before they sleep together for the first time, and even with the most generous possible interpretation I don't think the game can take more than a handful of months. This meant I was writing lovers with new-to-me insecurities, and with Astarion's own basketful of bugaboos on top of that, everything felt fresh and exciting and a little terrifying. I think you can feel that energy in the prose, and I really like it.

Aside from that, I'm very happy with the solution I came up with to Astarion's vampirism. It was hardly inventive, but I did feel it was both practical and lore-friendly, and I felt like its cost (Tav's absence for Astarion, the exhaustion and battle and injuries for Tav) balanced out the number of boons it provided. It also made negating the vampiric effects an active, ongoing choice for Astarion, which I deeply prefer over more permanent solutions like True Resurrection or a god restoring him to mortality.

I also just honestly think it's just fun to read. I like Astarion being snippy and short-tempered while still being overjoyed to see Tav alive. I like Tav confronting the idea that Astarion loves her as much as she loves him and that her silent absence was an active harm to him. I think I did a pretty good job setting the scenery and conveying the appropriate atmosphere where it was important, and I think there are some turns of phrase throughout that came out quite lovely.

I also think ending on the button of him seeing himself in the mirror is hilarious. (Not pictured: Tav having to ask him to put down the hand mirror for literal weeks.)

ah! this grief like cold bells ringing (2020)

This is probably the most difficult fic I've written in terms of headspace. COVID's forced isolation was particularly awful for me, and I didn't know how to handle it except to try to write it out of me. This, like Iron Bound, contained something I never thought I'd write (rape/rape aftermath), but the gravity of the situation and the world at the time seemed to demand something likewise grave, and I ended up feeling like it was an appropriate choice. Hawke has been a tool of many kinds for me over the years, and I remain both glad and weirdly grateful for her resilience.

This was also the first fic where I felt like I didn't shy away from or veil Tevinter's atrocities (a necessary artifact of the premise). While it was hard to write, it wasn't hard to write, and looking back I'm glad I made the choices I did; I think to hamstring the severity of the moment would have broken the story's teeth and dampened the recovery which came after. The instinct to quit flinching away was the right one, and I think the fic is better for it.

I also think this is some of the most effective writing of catharsis I've ever managed. When I'm having a really difficult time and need to read a moment of recovery, the second chapter of this fic is always my first stop. I've actually only reread the first chapter a few times since I posted (usually the pain's not the part I need), but I've reread the second chapter a hundred times or more.

I also do think that the style of the prose—a little flatter and more direct than I usually write—came out well, especially given the subject matter. While I'd prefer never to go back to that emotional place, I'm glad this came out of it.

Honorable Mention:

Lacrimosa (2011). Still one of the oneshots I'm proudest of. I think it's technically proficient and emotionally very effective, and I love the structure of it.

A Detailed Accounting of the Rigorous and Remarkable Struggles Faced by One Fereldan Refugee in the Singularly Capricious City of Kirkwall, as Experienced by the Illustrious Author (2022). While the writing is not the best I've ever managed (it began life as a warm-up exercise, after all), it took ten years to finish, and I'm deeply proud of both finishing it and of the execution of several sections.

Find Me a Wayward Sun (2023). I like the emotional complexity of this fic very much. This was the first place where I felt like I really started to understand the dynamic between Tav & Astarion, especially in the complicated back half of Act Two, and I've gone back to it several times when I need to recapture that feeling of confused selfishness and nascent, uncertain affection.

[thelawfulchaotic]

Omg that’s so funny - I was also in folm/television production and am just now about to head to law school lol

Is there any advice you’d give to an incoming 1L? (Asking as someone who has researched and read many books on the matter).

Also, you’ve made me interested in child advocacy clinics so thanks for that :D

HELL yeah. I'm gonna assume they let you in because they're all still obsessed with the legal profession and "storytelling" and "actually producing lawyers who can speak English." Television writing in particular actually has been very useful for legal writing; my muscles were very developed for styles of writing using elaborate, arbitrary structures with arcane rules, strict formatting, and several different types of language happening at once, where everyone will ignore you if you mess up any part of it.

If your brain likes studying using stories, get Examples & Explanations as your study guide series. They were my favorites because they were always giving you little story snippets to explain legal concepts.

Don't buy commercial outlines. The point in having an outline is to build your own; it's a study technique.

No one cares about the Blue Book in practice. Mine was destroyed in a flood in 2020 and I never replaced it. But LORD is it important to get on a law review.

Don't fall for the rat race, but understand that law is a profession that is about the initiation of young people into the traditions of power. If you want to start establishing a reputation for yourself, start now. But also it's not that important. Don't let the bastards get you down.

And everyone goes clinically insane around taking the bar exam, it's normal. I started collecting the small fuzzy spherical stuffed animals that TY makes, an obsession I didn't have before and haven't had since, and bought a lot of blind bag superhero keychains. I keep them in a gallon ziploc bag. I don't know what to do with them.

[gazemaizeisdead]

review: spiritfarer (farewell edition) (spoilers)

in the last year and a half i’ve been trying to get in the habit of viewing art as a social experience, so whenever somebody strongly recommends me something with or without my prompting i write it down on a list and try to prioritize getting around to it over something i’d naturally gravitate towards myself. this has been a really rewarding mindset; occasionally you will be punished and made to watch the entirety of stranger things or “spider man: the dragon’s challenge” and have to endure a torture session as they explain to you how you aren’t getting it but for every one of these i’ve been met with three more rang de basantis or sonny boys or darkness at noons or of the devils. even most people with bad taste have a few weird obscure pieces of good media in their back pocket that they can summon up and what’s interesting is that they almost always subconsciously tell on themselves when they give you something terrible, so you can take the risk away and avoid the shit if you learn to identify the signs.

i wish i could tell you concrete rules to follow but it’s different for everybody and just something you have to learn with practice. they’ll tell you to watch the entirety of school days and say it’s transcendentally good subversive media and they do believe this, at least they believe that they believe this, but the voice cracks just a little as they do and you know what’s up. those body language analysis crime people on youtube are cranks but the next time somebody tries to get you into the bear season 6 look into their dead eyes, really listen to how they say what they say. a smidge of subconscious honesty about their bad taste can’t help but reveal itself.

spiritfarer is safely in the category of things i never would have tried without the “reward” of getting to have a dialogue about it with a friend. i don’t like resource management games (does pikmin count? i guess i like pikmin), life simulators, “cozy” targeted media, open-world exploration games, almost anything with a sufficiently high hugs-per-minute ratio, or wind waker. spiritfarer is all of these and i was open about my skepticism as they described it as something i in particular would like (this is where i heard my friend’s inner voice crack), but it was three bucks last month so i figured why not. 

i’m mixed. i was right in that it wasn’t for me, but this was the first real videogame i played to completion in a very long time, so there is something to the sauce.

the pitch is excellent: you are the new ferryman of the dead. you must travel a fantasy sea on your absurdly big customizable boat collecting spirits of the deceased and help them sort through their final emotional baggage before delivering them to the other side. since “helping them sort through their final emotional baggage” universally necessitates building the spirits a sick ass new house for them and decorating it, you spend most of your time sailing around searching for new materials to expand the possibilities of your onboard crafting system while managing their hunger and emotional needs. 

as a gameplay loop, for the most part i thought this worked very well, up to a point: that point being about ten hours into a thirty hour game. i did not 100% the game but i boated around the entire map and finished every spirit’s central questline, which gets you close to doing everything the game has to offer anyway, and i was getting extremely sick of almost everything beyond dialogue and narrative events at about the 60% mark.

spiritfarer’s biggest mechanical issue is that it does not respect your time. most of the game is spent doing chores: farming, cooking, mining, smelting, logging, fishing, building, along with each spirit’s special customized chore game that is actually the same exact chore game every time (run around the ship and grab the moving object).

now, let it be said: there are people who like doing video game chores. stardew valley and animal crossing and dwarf fortress and shrek powerwash simulator sell like hotcakes for a reason. for some people the appeal seems to be that videogame chores often present tangible progression in a way that real life chores typically do not: i cannot level up doing the dishes and then get to do them faster, or get “dish coins” which over the course of a week i spent on better dishsoaps and then a dishwasher and then a set of progressively larger and more efficient dishwashers. (i guess that i pretty much could, now that i think about it, but i don’t want to.) for them there’s satisfaction to be found in the higher-order process of iterative improvement and optimization and automation and strategy of task-completion; these are the “think chore” gamers. but this element doesn’t seem to be the main reason that most chore gamers like their chores. in truck simulator i am sure you can get better at parking the truck and maybe you spend in-game money and thousands of real world dollars for dlc to progress to having the best truck but the core experience is being in the truck. you have to actually want to be in the truck to play, that’s the point. these are the “zen chore” gamers. they just like doing chores. they see the thing that needs doing and do it; the goal is the process. shrek’s swamp is filthy and we need to get it sparkling, oh boy!

if you are a zen chore gamer, i suspect you’ll love spiritfarer. this game goes out of its way to make chores as romanticized of an experience as they could possibly be. visually sf is gorgeous and special attention is given to all character movement, which is as fluid and addictive to look at as cuphead; this is maybe the best handdrawn 2d animation i’ve ever seen in a videogame. those copycat chase-the-moving-object minigames i was dogging on manage to remain fun for much longer than all the other chores simply because it is such a pleasure to move the character around and watch her zip. everything you do feels hyper-responsive and precise, again owing to that fluidity in movement. the music is also excellent, though i think it would benefitted from a greater song variety; like wind waker, there are a couple of excellent songs that become grating by the end from sheer repetition. (side note: there’s one song that plays at every fast travel stop (and you’ll be at those a lot, the game would be unplayable without constant use of travel stops) that’s so annoying that the developers had to patch in the specific option to replace it with silence. the seal who manages fast travel stops calls you a bitch if you turn it off, which was very funny.)

if you are a think chore gamer or even approach that on the sliding scale you will hate this game. it’s not as if there is no element of optimization but this game does not want to be fully optimized and i suspect the process of seriously trying to do so would make you miserable because you would be left with nothing but the large chunks of this game consisting of waiting.

you wait a lot in spiritfarer. there’s an abundance of almost all resources in the game (once you have a single type of any kind of log or ore, you are able to endlessly replicate it by just planting it on the giant avatar spirit turtle and waiting a short time) so spiritfarer is more about the management of time, but there’s no time limit either, so what it’s really about is managing your patience. i don’t think spiritfarer needed a pikmin-style time limit (and thematically it makes sense to give the player “as much time as they need”, so to speak) but for my money it needed less waiting, and it needed to make the unavoidable waiting much more stimulating than it is.

you mine frequently in this game; mining has a lengthy animation that must be timed precisely to avoid the punishment of an even lengthier animation where you accidentally drop the pickaxe and slowly pick it back up to try again. this four second sequence is very flashy (literally) and looks excellent but must be done two to three times to collect from a single rock and usually you are mining three rocks at a time off the turtle’s back. on average, factoring in the time it takes you to climb off the boat, hop on the turtle, mine the three rocks, replant more rocks, and hop back on the boat, it’s probably going to take you about two minutes every time you need to partially replenish your mineral supply (not including travel time, by far the biggest cost).

if i had to guess i did this whole process at least 30 times over the course of the game: more than an hour spent on something i wouldn’t even call an actual minigame, that already felt like a boring obligation the third time i had to do it. most of spiritfarer is spent doing boring chores like this. some of them are easy reaction button prompts, one is a slightly harder reaction prompt, many are the (very exploitable) collectathon games (which to be fair you do much less of than the rest, though again, they are the most fun activities you have assuming you don’t redesign your ship to cheese them) and the rest are literally timers you set. i mostly played this game in 30 minute increments every morning for a month and playing it this way makes it much more fun but i would have gone insane trying to marathon this. notably there is a co-op mode, but it’s local only so i was unable to play with the friend who recommended this to me. my instinct is that the co-op mode would help significantly with these issues but with so many of the chores being literal timers, only so much.

optimization is possible in spiritfarer but the process of doing it is not fun even for those who find that kind of thing fun, which i can confirm despite not being one of those people because this game that sold over one million copies has no active speedrunning community and hardly any speedrunners historically, where almost all activity occurred not in an any% run but a custom run challenge to see how quickly you can get rid of gwen, the first spirit (of fifteen) in the game.

there are three any% runs. there is no posted 100%. games that have more than five posted new 100% runs (or 100% equivalents) in the time since spiritfarer released include:

ratatouille for the nintendo gamecube

euro truck simulator 2

limbo

google solitaire

wii fit plus

telltale's the wolf among us: episode 3

super mario 63 (not a typo)

subnautica

powerwash simulator (though not the shrek dlc)

uncharted 2

the stanley parable: ultra deluxe

red ball 3

five nights at freddy's: into the pit

there’s no single fatal flaw in spiritfarer that decimates its speedrunning potential, like an inability to skip dialogue or too many unskippable cutscenes (and even those speedrunners have shown a depressing willingness to tolerate), it’s just a lot of boring muck that adds up enough so that even the maddest among us don’t want to sit through the sum.

but i am used to sitting through chores that i dislike almost whenever i do play games, for i’m not a chore gamer of either stripe: i am an anti-chore gamer (experts call this a “fake gamer”). my main interest in videogames as a medium is narrative. many of my favorite videogames are arguably not actually videogames. many parts of good games that people see as fun are, to me personally, boring. i typically see most gameplay as a chore to be endured to get to the plot. (i like cave story a lot, which is a real videogame, but i only played it because the title tricked me.) recall that i literally only started playing spiritfarer to unlock my friend’s dialogue tree.

i’m not bragging about this, i think it’s a little sad, and perhaps indicative of personal intellectual deficiency. most people are able to have fun playing super meat boy and i am not. this is a skill issue. but we fake gamers do exist and increasingly large numbers, and the market has begun catering to us. ostensibly.

this is what was sold to me as the selling point of the game: the story. my friend said it was one of the best-written games they’ve ever played. the game journalists and steam reviews laud it with the similar praise.

i agree. by the standards of the average indie game that is praised for having good writing, spiritfarer has good writing. 

which means it has a lot of bad writing in it.

every time you meet a new spirit, you have to do a small quest for them to convince them to join you on your ship. the first time you meet astrid, one of the first spirits in the game, she is leading a strike on a fantasy oil rig after the owner has reduced their time off, and you are asked to help negotiate an end to it. she requests a dialogue with the company’s boss, who has responded to the strike by barricading himself alone in his office and refusing to speak to them.

you walk across the map to the boss’s office. he tells you that there is no way he’d even be willing to speak with them. you walk back to astrid; she tells you they won’t stop striking. you walk back to the boss; he has spontaneously decided to agree to every demand. you walk back to astrid, she says that the reinstituted vacation days aren’t enough, and she wants more. you walk back to the boss. he instantly agrees and tells you that he really has to pee.

by this early point in spiritfarer it’s already been established that it isn’t that wordy of a game and that the place we are in is to some degree metaphorical or at least not compatible with the logic of our world, a la spirited away. when i see a quest pop up telling me i’m to defuse a ghost strike i am not expecting anything approaching disco elysium levels of complexity. but stuff like this is atrocious. “player needs to convince stubborn npc to change their mind” is a tried-and-true quest mechanic for a reason but what’s the point of having me bounce generic exchanges between two characters when i have no choice or influence on the outcome, no challenge, no risk of failure? what’s the point of taking the time to have me talk to them separately when it reveals no special information and we could have gotten the same thing better and faster by simply watching astrid argue with the owner herself?

this quest exists so that we can establish astrid as a revolutionary girlboss. fine. do the strike. we need things for the player to do to satisfy the chore gamers so help astrid get eight oak planks so she can craft a battering ram to knock the owner’s door down, and then show us the cutscene between her arguing with the owner. this is not genius redesign but it prevents needless backtracking and describes a conflict with conflict in it. a strike is an inherently interesting and volatile subject, even if it’s a tiny part in your story, why bring it down to the level of a guy repeatedly refusing to accept a parcel he ordered? it’s lame.

the original quest is only five minutes long, but the game is filled with this stuff, the narrative equivalent of waiting for the mining animation to finish; stuff like this adds up. there is an entire separate list of quests in this game called “shenanigans” and i did one by mistake (a delivery quest where you bring cds to three random people and then nothing happens and you receive nothing, the end) and then i learned that shenanigans is code for quests that suck and have no benefit. it’s dishonesty; the word shenanigans definitionally implies fun. call them shit quests in the menu. 

you can talk to every single background npc in this game, who often will say “hey” or “i don’t want to talk” or “i love this air”. why have npcs like this? better to delete them. it’s one thing to have your npcs spout useless boring exposition or shitty jokes (the game does these both too) but why give the ability to press space on a guy and have him talk to me if doing so is going to open the textbox that says “hello” and then close the box again. you understand that as soon as your game has demonstrated a willingness to do this i am never going to talk to a generic npc ever again unless i have to? why draw this incredible beautiful archipelago and giant fantasy montreal and destroy the illusion by having one-third of the characters speak to me with what i can charitably assume is untouched placeholder dialogue? why work so hard to have sexy italy lion tell me about his ww2 trauma in a fantastic optional bonus monologue but not take the extra ten seconds to write a custom sentence so he doesn’t have the same “man i hate the rain!” line as like six other people on the boat? it’s so easy to add realness to a game through good writing and it’s so easy to lose it through bad writing, and more critically, lazy writing. far too much of the writing in this game made me feel like i was playing poptropica.

however as i hinted by talking about the lion, the good stuff (which is, thankfully, the majority of the narrative element) is the companion spirit dialogues, some of which are excellent. with 15 spirits more than a few are “filler” (they do “sweet but prickly old lady who is slowly losing herself to advanced dementia” twice and only the first time do they have the benefit of her being an anthropomorphic porcupine) but the good ones are very good. my favorite is the pair of generic italian mob goon brothers who actively lower the happiness of every other person on the boat by bullying them for as long as they are around.

my favorite element of the spirits is that each one violates the rules of the core game loop in some way, usually in a manner that subtly reveals stuff about their character. (this is where i seriously begin talking spoilers, if you care or intend to play it). one spirit, a frog, simply leaves the boat himself after you progress his questline enough without letting you do the usual sad saying goodbye at the door of death cutscene, and it’s genuinely unsatisfying in a way that helps poke at the feeling of experiencing a death without being able to get proper closure. the goon brothers are only counted as one spirit, despite there being two of them; you only ever speak to an angry little joe pesci hummingbird perched on the head of the silent ox, who doesn’t say anything the entire game and has to be flown around by the hummingbird (the animations for this are incredible). at first you think they’re doing the “i do all the talking, he does the hurting” routine but you find out during their questline that the ox is braindead and even the presence of his spirit may be an illusion created by the hummingbird, who killed himself after his brother died and can’t function alone. this game is leaps and bounds more subtle with this stuff than every other bad emotional twist secret metaphor indie game i have ever played; it’s mostly comfortable hinting at really interesting developments without worrying that you won’t get it.

there’s a ton of tiny moments of fridge brilliance in this game intermeshed into the design and gameplay; the frog was able to go to the door alone because, duh, he’s a frog, the only aquatic  animal you ever get on your boat, and he swam there. one character cannot ever be brought to the everdoor and the game has a bunch of hints to why this is without it ever being explicitly stated. at one point you hear about the fakinhage and i immediately figured out what it was without the game needing to tell me and i was so proud of myself. i got real chills with the fakinhage , i’m not joking. whoever came up with the fakinhage deserves a medal. i’m going to spoil the twist of the game in two or three paragraphs but i still won’t tell you about the fakinhage is because the idea of ruining it for somebody breaks my heart. i could write an entire essay just about the fakinhage.

you are expected to cry playing this game. very often i hear the phrase “emotionally manipulative” when discussing media and i think it’s misused in the same way that calling something “propaganda” is. all art is emotionally manipulative; what we usually mean when we say that is that something is emotional ineffective, that it feels cheap or dishonest or predictable or poorly written in a way that makes the impact flaccid. there aren’t a lot of negative user reviews for this game (in large part because i think it’s excellent about immediately signaling the kind of experience it’s going to be and filtering out those who wouldn’t be into it) but i did see the phrase pop up a few times and i very often felt the same, playing spiritfarer.

i have spent a relatively minuscule amount of time volunteering, working, and personally grieving in palliative care centers so i was primed to be affected by playing this game (i groaned when i realized this is why my friend thought i would love it). spiritfarer is a hospice simulator. literally: the twist of the game, as dated indie game tradition dictates, is that you, the player, are already dead (or about to be); the world of spiritfarer is some kind of metaphysical construction or DMT delusion in your final moments about helping your character who was a hospice worker in real life come to terms with their own death. the spirits in the dream world are all based on real people the character knew, which is why they act familiar with her, but they are all already long gone and the whole exercise is actually about her.

this description makes it sound worse than it is; again, spiritfarer is comfortable being relatively subtle about all this, so the nature of the metaphor never constricts the object-level reality.

characters are often really annoying and needy, not only in dialogue but in the increasingly ridiculous and demanding tasks they ask of you. this is intentional. sometimes dying people are annoying and needy; working with the dying can feel like a thankless chore. the game is intentionally trying to cultivate this feeling and it succeeds, but the effect of this is muted because almost everything you do in spiritfarer feels like an annoying chore by the halfway point (which is when the “harder” more annoying characters start to show up) not just the stuff that’s explicitly meant to be.

it feels unfair to criticize the hospice simulator for sometimes feeling like a hospice simulator, but for me it didn’t work; it’s too boring. pathologic 1 and getting over it intentionally nuke their own gameplay for the sake of making an artistic point too but they are challenging; spiritfarer is tedious and time-consuming but never difficult.

i got misty-eyed at a couple of the spirits (goon brothers and the eight year old); with fifteen of them, you are statistically guaranteed to imprint on at least a few of them. there’s enough diversity in their backstories that at least one will remind you of somebody you know in real life who died, and that will probably “get you”. but you are guaranteed to dislike at least some of them too (again, this is sort of the point, but i need not elaborate forever on the weaknesses of “all the bad stuff is actually a subversive narrative choice”). if you play this game for long enough it will start to feel like a conveyor belt for forced, formulaic sadness; like with humor, the audience’s perception of authenticity and spontaneity (whether or not it exists, which it usually doesn’t) is a necessary ingredient for the emotion to hit hard, and i don’t think this game’s formula, especially given for how long it goes on, is good at repeatedly cultivating that illusion. i am in the minority here; every review of this game opens with an extended anecdote about the reviewer’s dead grandma and how this allowed them to finally heal. i want to say that i’m not a hardass at all. i cried just the other day listening to someone defend school days.

how could you fix spiritfarer? i suggest the following:

instead of 15 spirits, do 8 to 10, and give us more substantive time with them. the shark that builds your ships and the fast travel seal with the horn music should also be recruitable (and killable)

in general, tighten the experience as much as possible. shorten and speed up animations, reduce the amount of resources needed to build things and upgrade the ship, replace 100 bad tiny nothing quests with 10 good ones. cut out the many filler islands or combine them with each other. in the last third or fourth of the game, give the player the ability to instantly fast travel anywhere without having to go to the seal bus stops (after you recruit him, obviously). like this review, the game could so easily be cut down, and only to its benefit

marry gameplay and dialogue. as i said, every character has their own collectathon game, and those all go on for way too long anyway; why not have the characters tell you their tragic backstories as you are doing those? this game isn’t voiced but plenty of games have text pop up as you are moving (deltarune, anthology of the killer) and most of those unlike spiritfarer have segments that are possible to actually lose and they still work and players are able to multitask without failure. this would help so much

do not make it possible for the player to only discover the dash ability after completing 95% of the game. i think i just got particularly unlucky but this felt like the game spitting in my face on the way out

have the spirits interact! i mentioned that the goon bros. bully everyone but we never actually see this, it's only told to us via menu status changes. you don't need fire emblem style character relationship stories for every possible combination but a small amount of predetermined events for spirits likely to be on the boat at the same time would have gone a long way in making the game feel more alive. the animated trailer for this game sells the player on the idea of the ship being an interconnected place but basically all the characters are completely isolated from each other mechanically, which was disappointing

fakinhage dlc

spiritfarer is, for a certain kind of person, the best game they will ever play in their life. i’m not that person, but it still came frustratingly close to being a great experience.

i will continue to try things outside of my wheelhouse. next up: gundam.

[9w1ft]

Interested to hear your interpretation on Suburban Legends

first off the song and beat sounds so similar to mastermind and gold rush. particularly mastermind. listen to the opening seconds back to back! she sings through a lot of it similarly in my opinion

and it has some of the similar mechanics of mastermind in that it leads you to believe the song is going one way but then pulls a switcheroo on you at the end and the swell in the music aids that at the end which makes it a really sweet and emotional listening experience. i’ll get to that in a second.

i think at the beginning of taylor knowing or being aware of karlie (so like, your kitchen or mine times), this was very much the situation. karlie is in her peripheral vision (on her radar) but just as taylor described in gold rush, karlie seemed like something utterly unattainable. in lover as well we get the line “i’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you” and i think this fits with this description of karlie.

i didn’t come here to make friends echoes their entire conceit of mastermind, and a lot of the kaylor discography that uses the word ‘friend’ — another way to say “i don’t want you like a best friend” etc

also this is a sort of throwaway point but “i didn’t come here to make friends” was a 2000’s reality tv phrase that came into popularity via the show America’s Next Top Model. it was iconic and soon every competitive reality tv show under the sun had contestants saying it.. but it’s origins are from a show about models! of which karlie is one.

more importantly, the “you kiss me in a way that’s gonna screw me up forever” is like the follow up to the gold rush “eyes like sinking ships on waters so inviting i almost jump in” language. it’s cruel summer’s “snuck in through the garden gate every night that summer just to seal my fate” because falling in love with karlie lead to taylor wanting her complications too

mismatched star signs works because fire signs traditionally match best with air signs. also visually, stars mismatched fits in with mastermind’s “the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned” — things that weren’t in alignment coming into alignment.

there’s a bunch of story page chapter stuff throughout taylor’s discography, some of which makes its way into kaylor but i’d probably write for way too long so i’m just gonna skip over that for now

this part might be a bit tricky but i sort of blame it on many kaylors not talking that much about really early kaylor possibilities out of (a sort of unearned) respect and the one way street principle of staying in our lane but the idea of taylor saying “i know that when you told me we’d get back together and kissed me that you remember[ed] we were born to be national treasures” isn’t that too wild of a statement if you imagine them as maybe briefly connecting or talking at some point before taylor made her plans to make karlie hers. indeed, we know their paths crossed several times before they were first connected at the 2013 vs fashion show.

*for posterity, i included the apple music lyrics as the genius lyrics appear to be worded partially incorrectly

this is the part of the song which i just think is so beautifully done. in particular i love the “you don’t knock anymore” of it all

at first it sounds like she’s saying karlie doesn’t knock anymore because she come around anymore, or this idea of there having been a breakup or a period of not being together or something sad, which is matched by the tone of how she sings it for the first time. the waves crashing to the shore feels like a storm.

but at the end of the repetition her voice becomes more upbeat and it dawns on you, you’re like, oh wait karlie doesn’t knock anymore because she doesn’t need to knock anymore, she has a key! (“is that your key in the door?” anyone?)

and suddenly the waves meeting the shore is a pleasant image of unification and happiness. she closes with the thought “you don’t knock anymore and i always knew it” which makes it feel a bit more like mastermind’s “you knew the entire time, and now you’re mine” — always knowing they would get together, taylor always knowing karlie was the one. “and my life had been ruined” is sung in a sort of sweet resignation, one that i find throughout a lot of kaylor music, the idea that she knows its complicated but that its what she chose.

so yeah! that’s why suburban legends is a kaylor song to me 😌

[estebanocon]

Another Singapore GP, another selfie dump.

[1] Nico Rosberg - 2016 WDC gave us a jump scare when he showed up, shoutout to my friend who's a big fan of his who he remembered and was probably the reason why he turned around to smile for this pic because I was so sure he was just going to keep moving down the line. 🥲

[2] Alex Albon - my fellow March Aries: always kind, always obliging and generous with his time, also came prepared with his own marker!! A true professional.

[3] Nico Hulkenberg - I've seen this man every year since 2017 and he's ignored me every single time and I was just going to accept that he was never going to give me the time of day when finally, this year he deigned to take a picture with me. 💀

[4] Franco Colapinto - this man could not be less interested in taking this photo BUT Y'KNOW WHAT? I give him major props for doing it anyway when he could have just ignored me.

[5] James Vowles - the last selfie I took at the Singapore GP! Luckily there weren't a lot of people where I was, so he kindly stopped for a second to take this before going on his way.

[6] Mick Schumacher - another fellow March Aries: most of the time he just signs stuff but that particular day he decided to take pictures with fans as well, which I'm so glad he did. 🥺

[7] Ayao Komatsu - we almost didn't recognise him because he was dressed in civvies on race day?? Anyway, please take good care of Esteban. 🙏

[8] Maya Heug - the only F1 Academy driver I asked for a picture and gotta be honest, I was just stalling so I could ask Rene as well. 🫠

[9] Rene Rosin - after we took this he immediately roasted me for not waiting until they left the paddock because "the picture will be nicer without the gate". 🤡

[10] David Croft aka Crofty - another one for the "I see them every year but I finally got their attention" folder. He always has earphones in so I had to wave my entire arm for him to notice.

[11] Martin Brundle - see above, except he doesn't have earphones in and usually just zips past us.

[12] Simon Lazenby - I just missed him in 2022 so it was good to catch him this time!

[13] Jamie Chadwick - I was surprised that nobody else seemed to recognise her this year but maybe it was because she's not driving? Anw, a nice surprise to see her again!

[14] Anthony Davidson - a friend of mine is a big fan so I've seen him a lot but this was the first time I asked for a pic. 😬

[15] Tom Clarkson - aka the guy who had to tell Max to mind his language during the Thursday press conference. 🙊 I know him as the host of Beyond the Grid and got to tell him I love the podcast, and he thanked me for listening.

[16] Lee McKenzie - Lee, Rosanna Tennant (who was also around!) and Ruth Buscombe (who I saw multiple times but the timing was never right 😭) are probably my favourite track-side reporters. This was my first time seeing Lee in person and I was so glad she took the time to stop for this pic!

[17] Aurélie Donzelot - I've been a fan of her work for years, since she was at Renault/Alpine literally changing the motorsport social media game. She's independent now and I still love following her work spotlighting women in motorsport on her podcast "Racing Lives" as well as her stories on Substack.

[18] Susie Wolff (featuring Jennifer the marshal) - I felt bad at first because my friends also wanted a photo with her and we could have taken a group photo but she was in a rush and only stopped for me. Later that night she saw us again and asked security to step aside so she could take pictures with my friends, which was very kind of her. 🫶

[ more of my F1 experiences ]

[musicollage]

Belong — Realistic IX. 2024 : Kranky.

— 

New Orleans-based duo Belong set a high bar for themselves with their 2006 debut album, October Language, a masterpiece of deep, formless, textural drone that sounded like shoegaze with every last trace of song subtracted, leaving behind just the beautiful and mesmerizing sound of the dust on the record needle. The group introduced more structure to their sound from there, with their 2011 sophomore album, Common Era, having discernible vocals, rhythms, and melodies rather than just thick blurs of guitar noise. Realistic IX, Belong's first new album in 13 years, refines their abstract sound world even further, landing somewhere between frayed, deconstructed guitar rock and submerged ambient fuzz. The mystical, whammy-bar riffs, cooing vocals almost inaudible in the mix, and steady drum machine beats of songs like "Souvenir," "Realistic (I'm Still Waiting)," and "Jealousy" sound like more obscured takes on the My Bloody Valentine style, in particular the songs that showed up on their pre-Loveless EPs Glider and Tremolo. The sound is so similar to the classic shoegaze template that it gives these tracks a nostalgic, familiar feeling, but also renders them somewhat generic. It's the way Belong ties together these relatively straightforward tracks with more repetitive, caustic ones that keeps Realistic IX interesting. "Bleach" is little more than a dubby kick drum and hi-hat pattern barely holding together overlapping loops of brittle noise, and "Crucial Years" buries its minimal rhythm so deep beneath waves of sputtering, decaying sound shrapnel, it becomes easy to lose the tempo completely, much like the blissful confusion of a Gas track. Belong rides the line between dreamy songs and noisy nightmares expertly throughout the album. Most of the band's records are best experienced in full, front to back, and Realistic IX is the same but in a different way. Taking any one song on its own wouldn't reveal the tension, uneasy wandering, and moments of resolution that all play out when these disparate pieces interact and disagree with one another, and that captivating balance is what continues to set Belong apart from any number of shoegaze revisionists. — Fred Thomas

— 

Belong is an underrated group. Initially having been around just long enough to put out two EPs and two LPs, including the phenomenal Common Era, they seemed to flicker like embers in a dying cathode ray TV, some cellophane ghost escaping in powdered silver nitrate. Their sound was on the noisy end of shoegaze and dream pop, calling to mind groups like Astrobrite and loveliescrushing, taking the sonic experimentalism of Sonic Youth and My Bloody Valentine and applying the same gothic sense of haze and decay we might associate with William Basinski, This Mortal Coil or the like. That final album of theirs, Common Era, has been a mainstay of mine since its release, hovering like a ghost, scoring the process of finishing writing a novel that was more like an exorcism and some periods of intense inward turmoil that made me feel like I was boiling alive. Then, they disappeared.

So when I saw 15 years later they were back I actually, no shit, cried. It felt for me similar to the return of Duster from their long slumber and, similar to that esteemed group’s return, Belong’s new record feels like a fitting continuation of their legacy, neither slavishly adoring of their own previous successes nor so radical a shift that you wonder the wisdom in sharing the name. The most shocking shift present on this record is the sudden presence of, gasp, songs?! That’s right; despite their earlier material positioning them as stalwarts on the bleeding experimental edge of the fusion of noise, dream pop, ethereal wave and even glints of internet-savvy micro-genres such as witch house and the like, all forms that typically evade the easy categorical of songs, this new set, at least initially, has clearly structured work that wouldn’t feel out of place on a modern My Bloody Valentine record.

It forms a strange complaint, especially given that much more esteemed group’s prolonged silence despite teases of activity, Belong’s own long slumber and, to be frank, the incredible strength of this material. Originality is overrated anyway; genre workouts are amenable to anyone with open ears and an open heart so long as the art compels, and this does handily. That said, it is a great relief when, as the tracks ease on, you are overcome by waves of roaring noise, amorphous clouds of rattling hiss, lapped at by the waters. In a certain sense, it’s hard not to still yearn for the proper songs on the LP to be covered in a bit more affected grime, but this is fantasy football, not criticism. The structure of the album still allows that always intriguing sense of disintegration, material pockmarked by burned holes in the tape, with it fraying into wild noise and the shapelessness of the malevolent sea by the end.

The key aspect they have maintained, after all, is that image-rich substrate that motivates this kind of music. Rhythms punch and hiccup and scrape in a very tactile way; the uses of noise and synth pads and layered sound feel like how dissociation feels, struggling to remain yourself inside yourself (through the drugs, through the anxiety, through the depression, through the deathward tug of sleep). The thing that made their early work so powerful, that intense and immediated sense of imprinting a whole interior world on their abstract soundscaping, is still preserved here. There is a subset of the world and its listeners who treat material like this as the Bible, not because of some abstract critical greatness but because of how in its sinews one can see, like a strained and striated mirror, clear reflections of some interior self. It’s the same thing that makes The Cure at their best not just the best goth rock band of all time but one of the best bands, period, this mystical sense of depth, like stepping into a puddle that takes you to some undreamable drowning world. — Langdon Hickman

— 

After more than 13 years of silence, Belong (aka Michael Jones and Turk Dietrich) return to where they left off in the past decade. While the duo has always been close to noisy textures, it was their last LP, Common Era, that began utilizing them into pop songs. While that record may have left off some of the entrancing atmospheres of their first album, it was definitely an interesting change of pace, one that probably required a bit more time to fully bloom into a really satisfying record. Fast forward—quite—a few years and you’re now listening to Realistic IX, the LP that expands upon the seed that the duo planted a while back with Common Era.

Realistic IX shines most when it opts for this pop approach, which is a welcomed step forward, as I said, I myself preferred the duo’s more ambient type of tracks, but on this new record the tables have turned, as it is the pop songs that impress the most. They’re always really catchy, nice and direct tracks, they seem to know that there’s no need to do anything particularly fancy when their main riffs and hooks are just so solid. The sound of these cuts is also pretty alluring, the guitars are quite lo-fi and give the songs this really textured feel that makes them pop; that being said, the production is always clean, so even these rougher tones end up being smoothened out in the end, giving the whole LP a bright sound that’s especially noticeable in how snappy the drums are.

On the other hand, there’s also a lot of atmospheric tracks here. They aren’t quite purely ambient pieces, as even in these instrumental cuts you still have drumbeats playing; truthfully, I do believe the percussion hinders these tracks sometimes, as it prevents them from really setting an atmosphere, but there are exceptions to this rule, especially with the final track “AM / PM,” which I’ll get to later.

For starters, the opener “Realistic (I’m Still Waiting)” is easily one of Belong’s best songs. The way it kicks off right off the bat makes it a great way to open up the record, and I just can’t help but be dragged in by how quickly the song develops; just 10 seconds of introduction and the track has already moved into its first verse, and it does so really smoothly, as every chord change throughout the song happens as sharply as this initial switch up does, so you’re constantly getting a new motif to hum along to. And speaking of, the riffs in this track are the catchiest on the whole record, they’re so straightforward and simple that they operate in a really ’90s shoegaze fashion, where it doesn’t really matter how sophisticated the playing may be when the sound is so satisfying on its own.

The following “Difficult Boy” is rather similar with its approach, but it lays off the vocals entirely, only offering some crunchy and energetic guitar playing to keep the momentum of the opening song. Following with “Crucial Years,” the album goes even deeper into this purely noisy instrumental approach, leaving aside any guitar riffs and focusing purely on the noise; there’s still some tonality here, mainly with the background chords that are what ultimately keep the track so gentle and soft, instead of letting it be a chaotic noise fest.

“Souvenir” strikes back with yet another catchy shoegaze hit. It is pretty similar to “Realistic (I’m Still Waiting),” but it’s a lot cleaner and smoother than the opener. It doesn’t strike with super dense guitar riffs nor with the same immediacy of its sister track, instead it’s quite a bit brighter and punchier, especially with how snappy and almost plasticky the snares sound here. The piece is just as catchy overall, but with a quite different feel, as it is a pleasant and ethereal track instead of an immediate blast.

The two following tunes, “Image of Love” and “Bleach,” don’t particularly spark as their siblings do—they can’t quite settle a proper atmosphere due to their background grooves. The noise in both tracks is pretty satisfying, more notably in “Bleach,” which really emphasizes its chord changes, they become really apparent due to its repetitiveness and each one comes as a new wind blowing in favor of the track. Still, both pieces feel a bit timid, as satisfying as their noise may be, it does end up being tiring after a while.

The record picks back up with its last two tracks, with “Jealousy” being yet another effective shoegaze number, and the last track in particular being quite the change of pace. “AM / PM” is not far different from tracks like “Crucial Years” or the just mentioned “Image of Love,” as it opts to make the noise its key element. Where it switches things up is in its rhythms, because instead of offering some catchy drum beats to keep energy levels high, “AM / PM” decided it wanted to be minimal techno when it was a kid, and there it is now. While a really simple track overall, the use of noise on a techno beat like this isn’t quite the norm, as often times you get some really clean and slick futuristic pieces in this style; “AM / PM” stays true to the sound of its LP, and instead makes minimal techno noisy, still as atmospheric as most minimal techno is, but with a bit of spice to it. It’s a really satisfying combination, and the noise is really really good as well, with these big pads that almost seem like they were taken from a messed up recording of an ambient piece.

Generally speaking, Belong’s return with Realistix IX is quite a success. They improve significantly on where they had left off and also make use of their noisy aesthetics, combining the two into a satisfying sonic collection. The rock numbers do, indeed, rock, while the atmospheric cuts don’t quite capture the feel of what was on October Language—truth be told, you’d be in the wrong thinking they’re trying to, as almost nothing on this album is trying to be atmospheric and solely atmospheric.

It is a both a fulfilling and a promising return, and if Belong were to expand even more on their pop songwriting, I’m sure that great things would be ahead for the duo, considering that Realistic IX is already a really solid and firm step into that direction. — Igloo Magazine

— 

For the uninitiated, some facts about the band Belong: (1) their moniker does not adhere to any degree of nominative determinism at all as they don’t “fit” anywhere, (2) they take their sweet, sweet time with things, and (3) they really don’t like to label their music as shoegaze.

Turk Dietrich and Michael Jones have been making music together as Belong since 2002, but this is only their third LP in that time. 2006’s debut October Language is a wonderful collage of soundscapes and experimental compositions that weave and ebb, rapturously conjuring up ideas of meandering nothingness in the manner of Tim Hecker or Stephan Mathieu. Its exquisiteness is juxtaposed with a suffocatingly haunting sense of melancholy, and it needs your attention if you haven’t yet had the pleasure. 

By 2011’s sophomore record Common Era, there was a more defined sense of drive to the band’s sound. There were still hazy waves of distortion deep within an obfuscated audio mix, but there were also signs of – gulp – structure, and what might even be called “songs” (chord progressions, recognisable hooks and all!). “A Walk” has echoes of bleak early 80s goth like The Cure and Christian Death, while the splattering drums on “Make Me Return” sound like a New Romantics version of Joy Division. Common Era divided many as some saw it as a bold departure, others just wanted more of the same. October Language feels like serene disorder, whereas its predecessor was more linear, more purposeful.  

The eight tracks that make up Realistic IX lean more on the Common Era template, but there’s also a melding of the sonic approaches of both of the band’s previous records here. Although it’s clearly *not* shoegaze (according to Dietrich and Jones, remember), any reviewer would be hard pressed not to mention My Bloody Valentine or the early work of Medicine as reference points. “Image of Love” would have been the best thing on MBV by some distance, for example, but that’s not to say that Realistic IX is derivative – it’s exploring the same aural boundaries as Kevin Shields’ lot, for sure, but in their own way. However, it probably works best as a body of work if you know something of the back catalogue and Belong’s journey to this point. In this way, the point reached feels more organic, perhaps even more wholesome.

Album opener “Realistic (I’m Still Waiting)” has a distinct earworm riff, with an almost pop sensibility to it, albeit one hidden by washed-out guitars and almost imperceptible vocals. The interplay between the cold drum machine patterns and the lackadaisical voice is interesting, highlighting the dualities at work at the heart of the record. There are many juxtapositions here, whether it be the territories covered by the two previous records and re-explored here, or the relative creative pull of the duo at the core of the work, that runs through the veins of Realistic IX. 

After sitting with the album a while, you begin to realise that it flows in a different manner depending on your mood and ability to focus. “Bleach” is a blissed out ethereal wall of noise with a clipped, minimal beat behind it and this subtle element doesn’t always come to the fore as much on each listen.

The playfulness between freedom and restriction is central to the album as a whole, the dichotomy of structure and disorder resonating throughout. This is felt most on album closer “AM/PM” which would sit perfectly on October Language. There’s a nostalgic feel to it, and its shimmering nature brings to mind ideas of sepia toned film stock of nothing in particular. One main gripe here is that at a little under eight minutes long you feel robbed of really being able to lose yourself in the track as it easily could have been three, maybe four times longer. 

There’s a directness to tracks such as “Jealousy” and “Souvenir” which is quite unlike anything Belong have put to tape before. The underpinning drums on both tracks add a sense of moderne kosmiche musik, and the chord progressions offer a sense of quiet optimism – something entirely lacking from the band’s output to date. The hazy production on “Difficult Boy” masks its post-punk riffs, while “Crucial Years” adds a Fennesz style sense of electronica that takes us off into another direction. 

Not only do the flow and the mood of the album change on repeated listens, so do the inevitable comparisons to Loveless. As landmark albums go, few sound so disparate and apart from others under the same label. So, when you press play on Realistic IX there’s no denying that maybe this album is as close to Loveless as any other band (heck, maybe even My Bloody Valentine) have got. Yet with each listen these obvious comparisons fall away bit by bit, leaving Belong to explore the same territory but from a slightly different angle – same terrain, different path. Realistic IX is a wonderful record on many levels, just don’t say it’s shoegaze. — Todd Dedman

[morazanx]

Tinkerbell

๑ Concept ๑

❥

Fandom: Tinkerbell ( Film Series), Disney Fairies.

Warning: insinuation of stalking, obsessive behavior, possessiveness, insinuation of addiction, unhealthy dependency, toxic dynamic, Yandere Themes, Etc.

Freshly aboding into pixie hollow, she didn't get to dwell with the other guilds or other fairies, aside from clank and bobble.

So when you came forth and introduced her more soundly to the environment of Neverland, she was overjoyed. You weren't overwhelming, you were the steady hand that she needed to maneuver this challenging place.

In the beginning, she was like a mere curious child who was always ecstatic to learn more.

So she asked if she could observe you working with the animals, to which you complied. It was like going out in the evening to enjoy some tea. She was, in simple words, fascinated with your character.

Each day she can visit you without Fairy Mary being on her high-tail; she would always be on the sidelines tinkering with lost things while you tended to the baby animals. You talked endlessly and she seemed to never have her fill in learning from you.

Every time she needed to know something or was curious, she'd always come forth and ask you; as if you were her mentor.

So when she figured out she couldn't go to the mainland, she was distraught that she couldn't go with you and that set a screw off in her head.

You were like her "best friend," why in the second star can't tinker fairies go to the mainland?

So she engrossed herself in many ways, every possibility she could have just to go with you.

That's when she started to spiral on switching her talent but, she needed to know if it could be done before coming to you. She didn't want to make a fool of herself in front of you, so she went to her friends.

With each talent she tried she just couldn't reach into it. Becoming desperate just to not leave your side.

In her distress, she headed towards a particular hot-headed fast-flying fairy.

...

" why don't you make her stay?"

...

Yeah. Why doesn't she make you stay?

" you know, there's so many animal fairies that can go to the mainland, what's the fuss of just having one missing?"

...

What is the fuss?

" it's no harm done."

No harm done.

" just take her."

Just take you.

" don't you want her for yourself? To call her yours?"

To call you mine.

And boy did she take that to heart, but she isn't stupid. Oh no, no, why do you think she was put in the tinkering guild?

Although spring was around the corner, she started steadily. Giving you thoughts to stay, to make you feel guilty for leaving her behind.

All while the fast-flying fairy was watching with a smudged look.

Word count: 445

-Hasn't been checked for grammar, nor has it been proofread.

-English isn't my first language so I apologize if there are any errors in my writing.

PS: I'll possibly be doing more concepts of other fairies in the near future; if you're interested.

[fairy-switchblade]

Hi! I’m a femme. My partner is butch, and previously identified as stone butch but has been gradually moving out of that label over the past year. Something which has been really important for our relationship, and their healing, is having an emergency plan for when they become triggered especially as they have been re-evaluating their boundaries. I have a slightly different emergency plan from their emergency plan; mine is designed to help me help them, as a partner. I thought I could share it, as it might help somebody out.

❤️🚨the triggered state emergency care plan for a partner 🚨❤️

Identify - Recognise your person is triggered. This can be a little different for everybody, so if you’re not sure I suggest discussing with partner what a triggered state might look like for them at an appropriate moment, when they feel secure and comfortable to have that conversation. My partner is often but not always non-verbal when triggered. They will have stiff, controlled body language, sometimes not moving. They will not respond towards the sound of my voice, or touch. They will not seem like themself. They will stare at nothing. They will often be very pale and clammy. It can be quite scary if your partner presents like this- but do not panic! Take a nice deep breath and remember they’ve got this, and you’ve got this.

Remove - remove the trigger, as much as possible. Be calm and clear about what you are doing. My partner and I agreed that when they are in a triggered state, I have their permission to move their physical body away from what is triggering them if necessary, for example if they are on top on top of me I can roll them safely off and away from me, or get them from a chair to the floor. Please do not offer or suggest this if you are not confident that you can physically move your person safely and without potentially re-traumatising them. Do the best you can; there is 0 shame in not agreeing to do something if you’re not sure you can do it. The key thing here is that because my partner and I both know they may be unable to consent in the moment, we have establish an ongoing prior consent agreement in the interest of their safety. We both understand the risks involved, and have discussed the best approach to mitigate the risks. This is understandably a very difficult and complicated topic for them to discuss, so establishing this has taken a very long time- and I suggest you take your time talking to your partner about what they want as well. Examples of removing could include switching off the TV program or music, immediately stopping any kind of physical activity that had been happening (doesn’t have to be sexual but it could be), or removing something which has a particular touch or scent. I will always tell them what I am doing, regardless of whether they respond. It might be that this is a new trigger or you’re not sure what’s triggered them. Stay calm, and logically assess what happened immediately before. Chances are you can make an educated guess- for example, your partner might have gone into a triggered state in the middle of you watching TV together, something thats normally fine. What was on TV? Were you cuddling up together? If you’re not sure whats triggered them and they can’t tell you, don’t get too wrapped up in trying to figure it out. You can reflect on that later- right now you just need to do your best, and focus on them getting grounded back into the present.

Ground - Once the trigger is mitigated, I help my partner use their preferred grounding techniques. These are methods to help relax their nervous system and bring them back to the present moment. I can maybe make a separate post about what these are if anyone wants them. We have practiced their grounding techniques together, and expect their techniques to evolve over time. Sometimes it is enough for me to just sit and observe whilst my partner does their grounding alone, other times they need me to gently prompt them or do the grounding with them. I will speak calmly and clearly to my partner and maintain relaxed body language. I stay with them and let them know I’m going to stay. I respect their personal space. I let them know what I am going to do before I do it, and remain focused on their evolving situation.

Soothe - through grounding, my partner will come back into themselves slowly. They are usually tired, and not very talkative. At this point I offer compassion and understanding. I ask them what they need, ie: “would you like your warm blanket” *nods head* “okay I’m going to grab that for you. I’ll be upstairs for 2 minutes.” I might offer a soothing touch if they indicate they’d like that- more typically I would let them come to me and ask for it rather than suggest this. This is very often running my fingers through their hair, or gentle arm scratches with my long nails. Following a period of disassociation, I would encourage my partner towards self-care. They prefer to be alone for this, so I give them space. I do household bits and bobs so they’re not burdened by it later, like meal prepping and filling up their bike.

Re-assess - I check back in on my partner later. Once they’ve been triggered they will be affected by it for some time afterwards, and are more likely to go into a dissociative state again. If that happens remain calm, and go back through the process.

Reflect - I will invite my partner to come to me for reflection on what happened when they’re ready. In the meantime, I will take time out to privately reflect on it. I talk to my therapist and use my journal, and my art practice. I acknowledge everything that my partner being triggered brought up for me, and how I feel now. I observe my feelings without attaching to them. I make note of what worked and what didn’t, and try to recall what happened before, during, and after my partner was triggered. I do this away from my butch. They might speak to me about their experience of it, and they might not be able to. I accept that I am always learning and so is my butch, and I show myself compassion as we work this out together. You’ve got to remember you cannot care for your partner if you are not also caring for yourself!

Disclaimer: I do not suggest that this is for everybody, and I strongly recommend you seek support from a trauma informed healthcare professional if you’d like advice on supporting a loved one on their healing journey. I have learned so much over the past year and I am learning all the time- there is no such thing as the perfect supportive femme with this, and it is important you show yourself compassion, keep learning, keep communicating with your partner, and keep trying your best!

[mintytealfox]

I love Nortalice and your posts about them so much!! But I'd like to share hehehe in defense of my wife (Alice), I feel like one of the reasons she asks questions on the mining incident is to gauge a reaction from Norton. Alice is a highly empathetic and analytical person, having firsthand experience of the horrors of poverty as the "daughter of misfortune" and rising up to become a social journalist. So, seeing Norton's body language filled with discomfort and avoidance, she can deduce a lot of things since actions speak louder than words. As much as I want an adorable Nortalice meet-cute, she has a job to do, and Norton has a boatload of prejudice towards her hahaha OH but on a more positive note! IDK IF YOU POSTED ABT IT BUT IVORY TOWER "TOUCHSTONE" (Norton) x NIGHTINGGALE (Alice) SOSOSO MUCH YEARNING ESP ON NORTON'S PART BECAUSE WHY eLSE WOULD YOU JOIN A CLUB THAT PLANS TO INVESTIGATE THE INCIDENT WHERE ALICE DISAPPEARED HMMM????

LOL yea and that is the most likely answer as to why. I just like to give them both a hard time and poke at my favorite characters lol

Cause Alice wants the truth and knows how to get it for sure for sure 👀 The fact that she can even pick any locks is scary how devoted she is to the craft~ 👀🙏 Which makes me think that she doesn't really mind if she upsets the person who is her target but I did find it interesting that she was still willing to soften and change the subject in the 'just chat' dialogue with Norton being like "my fave food? well its this this and this" and all the other examples~ So it makes me wonder that the more she learned about him the more she empathized with him and asked him more chill questions and finding out that Norton is actually a yapper with those and she doesn't even have to pay for those chill questions that provide significantly more insight LOL NORTON PLS BRO LOL He is trying to be mysterious and keep his mouth shut but as soon as he hears 'whats your dream?' Norton: "THE SKY, FREEDOM, PEACE, AND QUIET, A GOOD BOOK ,AND SOME TEA ,OH aND A TEACHER SO I CAN CATCH UP ON ALL THE SCHOOLING I MISSED OUT ON AND OH DID I MENTION THE SUN NEEDS TO FILL THE HOME TOO???" LIKE BRO 😂 He doesn't know how to lie or control his reactions in this particular situation lol Cause he has never been acknowledged, listened too, or watched so closely by this seemingly nice blonde lady lol He is too honest in this situation and can't help himself it seems like

They both had bad moments while interacting and that is what makes them such good believable characters and I love them all the more for it~

Like I feel Alice tends to put her job first and foremost and legit Norton is similar 👀 But here I did find it interesting that they both ended up throwing each other bones and this further makes me think that Norton will be on Alice's side in the end and try to help her survive.

ALSO, Alice doesn't speak about her traumatic life while Norton dropping hints about his. So it makes me wonder how his views would shift as soon as he hears even a MOLOCULE of Alice's past 👀

-----

YOU ARE POPPIN OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFF WITH THE IVORY TOWER STUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFF 👀🙏🙏🙏 ABSOLUTELY HECK YES HECK YES HEECCKK YYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

YOU ARE SO RIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTT

He gotta find the nice blonnnndeee that he tells the 'a little sweetness' line TO!! GO SOLVE THAT THING BBYYYYYYYYYYYY

[quackity1999]

im still high abt flowers and a certain boy named hyacinthus

but anyways! heres some flowers i would make you a bouquet out of:

1. the iris

the iris flower is a dark blue/violet colored flower with droopy petals. it requires full sun/partial shade, which kinda reminds me of the way you seem to fully dedicate yourself to specific projects, you throw yourself into the sun (much like another greek hero- but thats not who this is about.), but you also tend to get held back by your past, whether that be your actions or the affect others have had on you, aka the shade.

the iris also has a few meanings but the two that i connect most to you would be;

-nobility: i mean- you are a president, but it also just sort of reminds me of how you’ve been chasing after something such as nobility your entire career.

-communication: and not the healthy kind! i know you suck at communicating healthily, but you still know how to communicate in other ways, even if you yourself are not aware of it :)

2. Periwinkles!

a personal favorite of mine, periwinkles usually have five petals each (lesson five reminder), and are a light blue/purple-ish color. they are a ground cover flower, meaning they often cover up the soil underneath them and prevent it drying out (let that sink in- ey? maybe you will always be used for something after all-).

here are the meanings i can connect to you!

-first of all; it can represent the joy of new friendships! this in particular reminded me of your friendship with a certain slimy guy.

-they also represent- and you’ll never believe this- but long-lasting love. they’re often used at weddings, fun fact!

3. forget-me-nots.

this one to me needs little explanation on why i would add this to your bouquet, but ill talk about it anyways- im so nice!! :D

forget-me-nots are very bright flowers (gotta be bright so they’re not forgotten, must have all of the attention at all times) the majority of the petals are a bright sky blue and they have a yellow ring around the center with a bit of white.

of course one of the meanings of forget-me-nots is remembrance, which i connect to you quite easily due to the fact that you seem to always be trying to build yourself a legacy. whether that legacy is good or bad- seems to matter very little to you.

one last itty bitty fact about forget-me-nots that i just wanted to include in the end here! forget-me-nots are oftentimes used as a symbol for memory loss. :)

and that concludes todays bouquet! i know three flowers is not a lot, but maybe next time ill have more energy and be able to yap a little bit more! wouldnt that be lovely?? :>

. . holy fuck.

i— well, okay, you put like, multiple of the same flowers in this, so it's— solid, i just— did not expect an essay for flower language to accompany it. sheesh. NOT THAT ITS BAD. moreso interesting.

dude. damnit, fuck, i can't be an asshole when you put in that much effort. ugghhhhhhh. that's awesome.

thanks. sort of. i'll keep it by my desk.

[theamateurreviewer]

Review: Romulan Bird-of-Prey

Rating: 10/10

Definitely one of my special interest ships, the Romulan Bird-of-Prey as first seen in the Star Trek episode "The Balance of Terror" ranks as my personal favorite non-Federation ship design in all Star Trek, closely followed by the Klingon D7 battlecruiser.

Strengths

The shape of the ship overall gives the impression of a hawk diving for an attack, an illusion that is added to by the amazing art adorning the underside of the hull. In fact, the hull paint scheme has long been such a favorite of mine, ever since I saw the ship in detail while playing Star Fleet Battles, a fan game based off of TOS and the Franz Joseph Technical Manual ship designs. I remember in particular a traitorous Romulan ship I designed that changed the hawk out for a turkey...

As with the three main designs in TOS, each faction is given their design language, a language that is mostly respected across the Prime Timeline of Star Trek. It's clear to see the lineage between the Romulan Bird-of-Prey and the D'deridex-class Warbird of The Next Generation, much in the same way that the K'tinga and B'rell-classes took their cues from the D7. (The K'tinga actually began as a simple greebled, film-grade version of the D7, but was eventually developed into a successor model of ship.)

Unfortunately, unlike both the original Enterprise 11-foot model and the D7 model from the show, which now reside as old war veterans in the Smithsonian, the Romulan Bird-of-Prey was lost at some point, with many different stories as to why it was lost. Most stories end in the model's destruction.

Weakness

Unlike the D7, the Bird-of-Prey looks like it was made partially out of Starfleet parts, something that is a little annoying to me. I've read somewhere that the intention of the design was to suggest that the Romulans were spying on the Federation, and stole the designs of their warp nacelles, but I find that to be not a great excuse. I would have like it to be a little more distinct than that.

But, that complaint is so minor that it doesn't detract from my personal favorite, Glup Shitto of a ship that I love so much. It's a shame that the ship was so heavily redesigned in Strange New Worlds (something that can be said for basically everything in that show), as there's very little canon material of this ship.