#let me know if this upsets anyone

[thelittlefirepup]

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

I've come to the conclusion that there is a good chance I'm a system (specifically pdid). Sadly, I am not in a place where I can get an official diagnosis, though, so no way to be 100% sure. Which means in a week, I'll be back to insisting I don't have it.

Does this change anything?

No. Not really.

But if you want me to describe my experiences or do any introductions, I will. Just know they are pretty blurry and not fully distinct, so it's a little hard sometimes to tell them apart.

(And if anyone with DID is upset by this post, let me know. I'm just trying to figure myself out)

Peace <3

[hexjulia]

the cat in Flow made me emotional because it was so clearly an extremely adored animal that had been quite suddenly abandoned and instead of being silent it kept making the meowing sounds it was accustomed to make to communicate with whoever sculpted all those images of it. the person whose desk it was sleeping on next to an unfinished sculpture of itself. It's not a feral cat in a long-abandoned world because if it was it wouldn't make those sounds; feral cats don't do that. it keeps communicating distress and annoyance at no one in particular because it's used to there being someone around who cares about its comfort. hanging on the side of a boat meowing sadly because it's used to being picked up.

[joffyworld]

A Celebration

I wanted to make this post as a post-October celebration of my experiences here.

You've all been amazing. Each and every one of you. To anyone who ever sees this, consider us friends and kindred spirits. I mean that from the bottom of my heart, Joffy is a friend to all! I understand some fear para-sociality, and rightly so. I know it's a bit of a dirty word, but while I may never know you in real life, while I may always be a stranger on the internet, that does not preclude kindness from our times here. You are all people, as am I, and there is no illusion of the opposite on my end.

I came into this community just a month ago, driven almost purely by an obsession with the TROD au written by the amazing @bamsara. Since then, I have fallen in love with so many AU's, so many fics, so many oneshots, and so many pieces that I never would have found otherwise, from the horrific cannibalistic nightmares of @teruuu and @yellowflowrs, to the cute and joyous wonders of artists like @junoberrii, @the-artist-grimm, @spiderin-space, @zynical-forg , @7-ferrets-in-a-coat, @cconfusedkat, @frecktheheck, @lagomorphics and @lil-vibes to the beautifully shameless smut and humour of @melle-d, the wonderous fantastical realms of artists like @aychama, @aniimoni and @stychu-stych and the incredibly well written and crushing experiences of writers such as @kiko---random-stuff-probably, @olrinarts and @alllgator-blood. It has all been an incredible experience to watch, every single shade and genre of art and creativity, and I wouldn't have it any other way! I never expected to have so much fun, so much joy, and such a range of emotions all at once, yet here we are!

My welcome into this community has been astonishing. The kindness, the warmth, the laughs, the tears, the silliness, the naughtiness, the evil, the good. It's all been such a wonder to behold. That's not even mentioning the activism, the understanding and the fundraising I've seen with my own eyes! You've all bred a community of love here, and each and every one of you should be proud of that.

Every mutual I make, I am reminded that kindness breeds kindness. When I started this blog, my only wish was to indulge my madness until it passed, to see if maybe instead of suppressing my own interests, indulging them could perhaps instead lead to a less anxious conclusion? I had often been consumed with anxiety as I fought to pretend I was "normal" and it's always been a tough thing for me. By God has being here helped.

I have embraced who I am as a person, I have learnt things about communities I knew nothing about. I've grown empathies for groups I once found hard to relate to, I've felt joy and comfort from strangers where the world has oft left me dejected. I've met so many people similar to me, completely different from me, and all that lies in-between.

I have met the most beautiful souls in the world, I've seen works of art that made me marvel them as though they were classics of antiquity. I've engaged in silly debates, I've interacted with people I look up to so deeply, I've seen talents I didn't know exist. Most of all, I have found a community that understands me, from the autistic and disabled to the regularly deranged and beautifully obsessed <3

And all of this has inspired me to write my own content, to indulge my own mind in ways I have long tried to leave behind, and find my own stride among the crowd of similarly inspired people. To say the words of you people have changed me is to lie, because it doesn't even begin to describe it.

To anyone I haven't directly @'d, I apologise. I wish I could plug you all, but my memory is fragile, and I'm on the mobile app. But know, that whoever you are, friend or foe, you are ASTONISHING. And should I wake up and remember your names, I'd gladly add them with your permissions. There's not a single person I've seen that hasn't amazed me in brand new ways each time, and every time I compliment your works I mean it from the bottom of my soul.

And to anyone who reads this, whether they be an artist, writer, creator of any stripe, or simply a friendly face or a lurking presence in the shadows:

Thank You,

Thank You So Much,

Joffy

[14dayswithyou]

Hiiii, I've been having so much fun reading all the new asks and answers and I hope your doing well!!

Anyways, I just wanted to ask how [REDACTED] developed his own style. if he's been so infatuated with angel, was it because it was one of Angels own hyperfixations for a while that he got attached to or was it more natural?

Ok that's all, here's a early birthday kiss for renren u3u~

ANSWERED: It's kind of implied in some of my other asks, but Ren developed his own style to rebel against his father! When Ren was younger, Taylor would often force his son to present himself as his daughter instead. It reached a point where Ren wanted to form his own identity during his pre-teen years, which led him to learning about + giving himself tattoos and piercings.

I suppose he fell down the eboy/alt rabbit hole after that, and hasn't looked back since.

[danisnotagalaxy-blog]

i paid for the after party ticket but i sadly missed it because of some personal things going on in my home, and now it wont let me watch it. does anyone have any way of watching it or have any idea when i can watch it?

:(

been having a bad day and was really looking forward to it

[dinodoggie]

Quick Blog Update!

I might change my username to something more... username-y! (Something dinosaury and/or doggy! 🦖🐕 ).

I hope this is ok! Let me know what you think!

I will try my best to make sure everything is still easy to find!

[orion-kenobi]

I’ve reached the point in ds9 where Kira and Odo are officially a couple and I have some thoughts.

I think the reason I don’t fully hate it is because they already had such a good friendship so it’s not like they don’t have chemistry but the reason I kind of hate it is also because they already had such a good friendship. Their relationship isn’t any less loving or good if they’re just friends. Plus, it was one sided for most of the show so it seems kind of weird that Kira is suddenly fully on board with dating Odo (especially considering his actions earlier in the season). Had the execution been better I might feel more positively about it but to me the way it happened doesn’t make much sense for either of them.

I also don’t really think the way Odo feels about Kira is necessarily romantic. I think she’s the person he’s closest to and he loves her so very, very much platonically but from what he’s observed and been told he’s kind of just assumed that if he’s (choosing to present himself as) a guy and she’s a girl and he loves her then that must mean he’s attracted to her. I know a ton of people interpret their relationship as queer and I’m inclined to do the same but no matter how I look at it I still think the execution is weird.

So I guess my biggest issue with it is the way it was handled and not the relationship itself, if that makes sense?

I also have a whole thing about how it seems like the writers are trying to fix Odo/ prove Odo’s personhood or that he has feelings by making him have sex or date when we already know Odo has feelings (Lwaxana, anyone?) and sex doesn’t make someone…humanoid, in this case but that’s a rant for another time.

[denniswithoutmakeup]

i was watching mortgage crisis and during the bit where dennis is massaging mac’s back i was like hm…..dennis does this a lot like he does it to mac various times and he does it to charlie various times…..it’s 4:39am so i can’t remember off the top of my head if he ever explicitly massages dee’s back but i know he gently touches her shoulders when she gets heated or like places light taps on her forearms and stuff…..he even rubs frank’s back when he gets heated sometimes……like taking such good physical care of his friends…….soothing through touch……..but he never gets a massage………….why does dennis never gets a massage………..i’m so upset

[strangestofthings12]

This is going to be a very rambling and venty post cause im tired and annoyed and honestly am just using this to vent my anger/hurt. there is going to be stuff that can maybe be seen as anti tommy/bucktommy (please dont tell me a ship name to put i dont care about if they do have an agreed upon ship name right now) so if you dont want that please just move on. i dont want to fight i just want to yell into the void on a stupid throw away account so i dont bring my negativity stew and come out on my main blog where i just want to enjoy my stuff and just keep happy energy. I dont normally post and try and just find someone who explains it better because im not great and getting what im saying across or understood the way i want, so please bear with me. With that said i will move on to what i want to say

Okay so i have been watching 9-1-1 for years and i love and adore it. Its characters and dynamics and i have always loved found family. Now i will admit that i started watching it thinking that Buck and Eddie were a couple and had a son so i was kinda watching for it. Do i think if i didn't start watching thinking that i would ship them still yes 100%. I have always loved their relationship and i have loved watching both Buck and Eddie grow and start to be happy while also having each others back even at the worst times. Sometimes if i think to hard about Eddie and start crying cause I'm very normal about this show and it characters. Now Eddie is my favorite character in the show and at least in my top five overall favorite characters. I love him and his development and i adore seeing how much he does to just do right by Chris even when he messes up you can tell how much he adores that boy and how badly he wants to give Chris the best life possible. I could write essays about Eddie Diaz trying to explain how much i love him and why and i think words would run out before i could finish making people understand. Buddie is my favorite ship (sometimes second depending on my mood. i would say sorry but Henren and Madney will always be amazing ships and sometimes i just cant stop think about them)(Sorry Bathena i love you too i swear i just cant decide if i wanna kiss athena or be adopted by bobby and athena:( Its confusing) and has been for quite awhile and is one of my overall favorites and its one of my comfort ships.

With that context when bi Buck happened i was so insanely happy and i wouldnt shut up about it. it made me sick. i was so happy for Buck and while i think a part of me will always be a little sad Eddie wasnt his first kiss with a guy i dont think either of them are ready for that. i also understand that it wouldnt make sense for how the story is going right now. Now i have nothing against bucktommy in the show. I have watched the kiss scene and sobbed to much to pretend like i hate them or even dislike them. However I genuinely dont care about Tommy. Hes kinda bland and i forget about him half the time and before they brought him back i completely forgot his name. in my mind he was the one that wasnt as much of an asshole to chim and hen as the other two assholes which wasnt saying a lot. Now I dont dislike tommy nor am i going to act like hes irredeemable because neither Chim nor Hen seem to think hes still that guy and while they dont seem super close they seem to get along so clearly, he's not like that anymore. I have nothing that makes me dislike him nor do I like him. He's just there. He's just the guy buck kissed. Thats all he means to me. I would give up his screen time for Ravi or May or Karen in a heartbeat. because i love them cause they mean something to me. I don't think i thought about the fact that people might actually like him especially not more than EDDIE.

This is where the context matters cause i am to my core a one ship per person girly. I might see a ship and people who like it and even think thats not a terrible ship but i will still only look at content for my ship for that person (ie. i ship Destiel (dont say anything bad about them ill cry<3) but i can see the way someone would also ship Dean and Benny or crowley or Cas and Crowley or Mick but i will ignore the ship and move on and look at more Dean and Cas). normally i will just ignore the ship and move on because im not who its for. If it gets annoying in my tag or anything like that ill block it or whoever is annoying me cause its not a them problem that i dont want to see it. When i start to have a problem is when multiple people arent tagging right for whatever reason or people who are being rude about the ship i like because of their ship. When I started seeing Bucktommy stuff more and more in the 9-1-1 tag i went to the buddie tag cause i dont want to see them. my problem is that when im reading on AO3 and click on a fic tagged Buddie where bucktommy get married. it was literally just hurting Eddie. There was stuff before like id be scrolling though the buddie tag here and see someone saying that Tommy is a better character then Eddie and saying that they hope bucktommy is endgame. Whatever block and move on. Just like always but then people who have shipped buddie for years who ive seen talk about them are suddenly saying that they like bucktommy better. People who started watching because of bucktommy saying they dont like Eddie. People are going to have different opinions but it still bugged me. and then i read that and i was just hurt because it was tagged happy ending and i cannot fathom ever thinking Eddie hurting and pining is a happy ending. So i started to get more annoyed and i hate when that happens especially with a show i love and a character i dont dislike so i tried to just move on but more and more people are taking about it then i saw someone saying that they wanted eddie to die so buck and tommy can have Chris.

I just hate that so many people are jumping on the bucktommy train and saying that they like it better than buddie something that is so good and sweet or saying that they like Tommy more than Eddie. I just dont get it cause Tommy is boring. like yeah we now some about him and he flies a helicopter but hes forgettable he could be a completely different person and next to nothing would have to change. We have seen Eddie at his worst and claw his way back up and hes finally letting himself be open and honest and soft. Eddie couldnt be replaced. Now im not saying Tommy can't be an interesting character but as he is right now?? He just isnt. Hes just as bland as every women (minus Taylor and Shannon) Buck and Eddie have dated and been hated on for no reason!!! Like i get that Tommy is a guy and we got canon Bi Buck and people are happy but those same people turn around and shit on Marisol from what ive seen(I could be wrong cause again i have done my best to avoid). Buddie fans arent safe from that either, cause we all know that Buddie fans do that but so many of those people who hated on them and said they didnt want them with anyone else suddenly decided that they were okay if Buck ended up with any guy. I dont know its just weird and i hate how many people are acting like Eddie isnt always going to be better then Tommy. Part of me wanted Tommy to stick around and help Buck and Eddie figure it all out but now?? i honestly just cant wait for him to be gone cause I want to have fun and read fics for my comfort ship and just chill where i can see all of my ships in the show without buck and tommy being everywhere or people saying crap about Eddie.

I have more to say but most of its about how gratifying waiting and seeing where this whole thing goes(Buddie season 8 PLEASE!!) and this is already why to long and i think im just going in circles and none of this makes sense so ima shut up for now and hopefully this will help it not fester and drive me insane and become a tommy hater

Edit: but i also hate that Tommy calls Buck Evan so he already had some stuff against him rip

[twyella]

this is just me bitching but like. sometimes I wish people would use he/him for me, IF they have to use any gendered pronouns at all. like I'd fucking prefer no she/her or he/him at all. but if, IF, I have to put up with one of the two, I'd rather the one that induces incredible confusion every time rather than the one that induces gender dysphoria

[perplexed-penguin]

Ngl I’m actually kinda pissed at people making fun of what they said trump’s weight is and comparing him to muscular guys. Like..I fucking hate trump and would [redacted] but muscle weighs more than fat, equating looks to morality, and fatphobia. I’m just tired.

[jadedownthedrain]

finally got around to mdzs thinking i'd be going crazy for one thing only to come out of 1000% more upset and invested in the sibling dynamics is sooooooooooooooooooo so funny. except that half of tumblr apparently hates one sibling and barely acknowledges the other.... lmao

[velvetvexations]

authentically coming to the conclusion "both sides have it rough in different times and places" is not great for my desire to prove I'm capable of coming to definitive conclusions and not just narcissistically swaying with whatever someone tells me because out of context it appears golden mean-sy but I feel like that is legitimately the case a lot of times and the way trans spaces can swing from one end to the other is a really good example of how and why that works

[0f-zer0es-and-0nes]

how in the hell are we supposed to know what he's saying the ones and zeroes you're using don't work in binary translators. im not transcribing all of that into normal ones and zeroes just to hear how he feels about the other killlers

Hey man, that's a great question - I honestly thought using binary made more sense because he can't directly communicate properly, and if he were to talk, it's kind of like his vocal chords are either clipped or not built for that. I'm sorry that this was an annoyance, but next time I'll just keep it short or have it in the alt text / have a translation for what he's saying.

Also it would make sense that it didn't work considering I used a smaller text copy-paste site, but here are the direct translations - again, very sorry that this was a pain. Didn't mean to make it inaccessible-

About Jason - HE'S OKAY, I GUESS. JUST ANOTHER ONE OF US WITH BLOOD ON HIS HANDS.

About C00lkidd - ... THE KID? HE'S... OKAY. I DON'T GO NEAR HIM. HE'S AFRAID OF ME FOR SOME REASON. VERY CHEERFUL FOR A KID WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE ACTUALLY IS DOING.

About 1x - I HATE HIM. HIS CHEAP TRICKS MEAN LITTLE TO NOTHING TO ME. I HOPE THIS CLARIFIES A COUPLE OF THINGS, "BUDDY."