#questioning system

[doin-just-fine]

MAJOR UPDATE: Questioning systems or systems in a doubt spiral pls read.

I recently told my therapist about potentially being a system. This was a scary move because she has previously had some iffy takes about systemhood. But I told her because I trusted that she would meet me where I was at and help me navigate , at the least, the general idea of not understanding my own brain if nothing else which I was ok with. I told her and it went as expected. I explained why I thought I might be a system but also the doubts I had about it and how it was distressing me to not understand myself. She agreed to use the language I was using for it and was happy to help me through (as is her job) and also because whether it was systemhood or not it was something in me that was trying to be seen and we would work on figuring out what it was.

Fast forward a few session, and I was going through another bout of "what the fuck even is my brain". I was starting to realize that my "systemhood" is very different from the things I've been seeing online. In the ways that it's different to other systems is: - I'm always in the front, always in the captains chair - I have no amnesia because I never switch out - My hyper-vigilance never lets me dissociate fully though i definitely "check out" in my own way - Head mates just feel like vague ideas or emotions

But the ways that are similar are: - These vague ideas or emotions have opinions and feelings that are different from my own. - Though they are vague, I can definitely tell they are separate from what I have come to understand as "me" - I become "a different person" in the sense of my attitude, vibe, behavior, and opinions change from where they were 5 mins ago, but I am still me, just a different me.

Anyway, I was already trying to make sense of all of this and was not planning on talking about it with my therapist because nervous... However, my therapist ask me about it first. She asked some clarifying questions about my partners system vs my own and how they are different. When I explained what I just wrote above to my therapist she said "Thats what I thought and I owe you an apology."

Basically, my therapist, like any good therapist should when confronted by something they don't know a lot about, had been doing research on complex forms of trauma and coping. Things in the same vain as CPTSD and Plurality including those two topics. She had specifically been reading a book called "The Body Keeps The Score" (TW it is a book about trauma and studies of trauma so it has details of case studies that some people may find incredibly triggering). I did some research on what exactly the book was talking about in regards to "systemhood" and from what I've found, chapter 14 at the end of a section called "Writing to yourself" and the first parts of chapter 17 have interesting information regarding systemhood and how its not entirely limited to things that are diagnosable like DID or OSDD. It seems to talk about how we all have several selves and trauma can get in the way of those selves communicating effectively. My therapist told me about this book and what she learned from it and apologized to me because the book made her realize that she was wrong and that I was in fact a system....

The session ended and I just kind of sat there... not sure how to feel but definitely feeling relief and validation.

After doing research on the book to write this I have some words of wisdom. If you are a questioning system or are doubting your validity remember this: The human brain is so incredibly complex and no one actually understands how it does anything beyond its basic physical functionality... the conceptual abilities of our mind are a mystery. How we define self is just theory. If you don't fit into boxes, labels, identities, or diagnoses that does not mean your experiences aren't real. You are going to be ok. Understand YOUR mind and how it works for YOU, not through a label or diagnosis. If those things come later, great! Do not let them destroy you just because you don’t fit perfectly. I am a system. Simply. No types, labels, or diagnosis. I am a system. I have a unique experience because my brain is no one elses. I am a system. I may not have people in my head in the traditional sense but I'm also not alone up here either. I am a system. I am a system. I am a system. Nobody has the right to deny me this for they do not live behind my eyes.

As I understand myself: I am a system.

[the-epic-curators]

The number of people like this who's parents is on my hit list is too damn big

~ Robin ( host )

you'll be hanging out with the sweetest person ever and they'll randomly tell you a childhood experience that would have vaporised you and you're like oh we should find your parents and murder them irl

[helens-y2k-dream]

What am I? Who knows? I sure don't. All I know is that I'm a robot chicken and I'm here to make you smile 🩷

This blog is a safe space for all, so please be kind 🌈

Anti radqueer Helen icon: 🎀

Main: @mintyscuriocabinet

[dissomuse]

I so badly need someone to make a simply plural app that isn't pro endo because the amount of endogenics barking "UR ANTI ENDO BUT USE PK AND SP!!" is pissing me off so bad.

no shit im using the only app made for systems and available in my country. also why are you suddenly trying to gatekeep SP when some people who arent systems or plural at all are also using it?

SP is genuinely a good tracking app bruhv let me use it :withering rose:

DISSOMUSE OUT!

────────────────────────────────────────────

[ze-circus-collective]

Meme

Me: oh yeah I’m a undiagnosed system

also me: *tries to dig up trauma to feel valid*

[monachopsis111]

Yes, your friend will "change" if they come out as a system to you. They seem like they're changing because they're trying to unmask around you and let their alters be themselves and not hide amnesia and other aspects of the disorder as much.

I understand it can be hard to realize your friend isn't exactly how you thought they were, but they're still you're friend. It's likely you've met their other alters, they just didn't say who they were.

Please support you friend, even if it's seemed like they've changed.

[loser-pet]

am I a system?? idk man, but sometimes it really feels like it. like, I’ll be thinking of a question, and a bunch of little voices will give out random imputs or a hesitant answer, and I’ll be like “wait is that right?” and hey, it is! or I’ll be questioning pronouns, and some part of me will really like it, while another part of me feels super weird being referred to by that pronoun.

if I am, I’m most likely monoconscience or some kind of median system? idk, still need to do research. I’m definitely not traumagenic (at least I’m pretty sure I’m not). I also don’t really experience switches either (if that’s what they’re called), and I’m happy with being the only host (that is, if I am a system).

to me, it’s more like being a streamer and having a bunch of people watching you play a game or go about your life or something; they can give imput and ask questions/give answers and have conversations, but you as the streamer don’t know everything about the people in your stream, and the people watching can’t take control of the streamer’s gameplay or their actions irl. (I even call the voices in my head “chat” to be silly lol)

any systems feel free to leave your imput or advice about more research or ways to confirm/deny possible plurality! I’d really appreciate it :)

[dragon-boy-gills]

syscovery was, for us, incredibly hard. syscovery is like the ultimate self discovery. It changes your perspective in a thousand ways by a thousand perceived cuts and you are forced to grapple with the fallibility and fluidity of personality, as well as the death of the singular Self which most do not have to consider. Each experience with systemhood is so unique that it can feel and be lonely, even when you relate to other systems in some ways. But I think if there were better support systems for questioning plurals and more people informed it wouldn’t be so terrible. I hope yall have a great day and it gets better for you.

ily Questioning Plurals

ily Plurals in Denial

ily Plurals struggling with Syscovery

ily DID/OSDD Plurals

ily Endo/Willow Plurals

[syscultureis]

questioning system culture is feeling like instead of a switch im just melding into someone else and getting really blurry (seriously what is UP WITH THAT)

.

[finnslay]

[saturns-rings-sys]

Octocon is a new app for systems. It's traumacentric and made by traumagenic systems. It also has a discord bot that is a lot easier to use than pk in my opinion. You can also sync your app and the bot so you can edit alters in the app. The app is on android already and coming to IOS soon. Hope this helps some people :)

(If you're in a server, I recommend adding this bot as more people are starting to use it instead of pk and tupperbox)

Apologies for any confusion, turns out they have a neutral stance on non traumagenic systems.

[synthesizercord]

HEY YOU! yes, you!

have you been looking for a casual hangout server that accomodates both systems and fictionkins.. BUT WITHOUT CLUMPING THEM TOGETHER IN THE SAME SPACES?? what!! crazy..

looking for a nice, safe, cozy community with conversations you can actually join in on?? AND AWESOME MODERATORS THAT ARE AVAILABLE AND WILL HELP??

do you also wish that this server was firm on their stances, and with rules they wont bend or break to insure the members safety?

and to top it all off... THEY HAVE AN ADORABLE, SILLY MASCOT??

well, if you're looking for that niche of a server, THE SYNTHWARE might be the place for you! we recently went public and we hope to see some new faces in our server!

so, JOIN US NOW!! ... pretty please?

─────────────────────────────────

/EZJsU99Mrc

[snow-on-mtsilver]

us(a questioning non-disordered system) when an anti-endo follows our main account (which has no signs proving which side of syscourse we're on or what our origins are)

[dissomuse]

"omg you have littles? they must LOVE being babied!" "omg you have a persecutor? they must be very dangerous and evil..." "omg you're a protector? you must-"

*bashes your head with a metal pipe* shut the hell up

DISSOMUSE OUT!

────────────────────────────────────────────

[not-jiraikasa-kun]

Okie but just to check; what does depersonalisation/derealisation feel like?