#like ‘oh…………. that’s how it goes……….. i see………..’ lol

[floralnicenerd]

Normally I reblog silly and funny things, but this time it's serious.

You heard that right: PBS (Public Broadcasting Station), the station responsible for PBS Kids and one of the many who are available to families with no Internet access or no cable, along with NPR, are dealing with cut funding by... you know who. PBS for me has always been part of my childhood, watching Wild Kratts, Wordgirl, Odd Squad, CyberChase, Sesame Street, and heck, even Arthur! Once I got older, I watched a couple of documentaries and enjoyed seeing Bob Ross paint on Create (related to PBS as a way for people to create (lol), cook/bake, and even explore -- that's how I learned about other cultures with Rick Steves).

But that doesn't matter, does it?

I guess not to the conservatives.

I'm too old for current shows, but it's nice to know that Maya & Miguel walked so shows like Rosie's Rules (mixed family in Texas, hello?? Also Mexican rep.) and Alma's Way (shout out to the Puerto Ricans! I didn't know there was another word for shaved ice since in Mexico it's "raspados") can run while teaching kids about Hispanic/Latino culture. But I guess they don't like that, huh? Too "woke" to have decent representation of other ethnicities, huh? Apparently, yes.

Remember the episode where Mr. Ratburn got married to Patrick, the guy that sells chocolate earlier in the episode? How the Internet exploded (hehe) when that aired? The kids didn't express disgust towards the reveal, they were pretty happy for their teacher getting married (especially Buster, who points out that Ratburn gets to have free chocolates for life)! Oh well, that did not matter anyway since this wasn't the first time LGBTQ+ representation was taken off of the air (see the "Sugartime!" controversy in which Buster goes to Vermont and meets two kids with (get this) two moms)

Enough chatter, please help out and

Protect Our Public Media!

... before it will be too late. Call or email your senators, let them know you're against defunding our stations!

- J

If you have an address within the United States, PLEASE consider taking sixty seconds to visit https://protectmypublicmedia.org to protest the executive order recently put in place to cut funding to vital public education and media programs such as PBS, PBS Kids, and NPR (national public radio).

PBS funds The American Experience show, which creates hour-long documentaries about American history. They frequently feature minority groups, African-American history, and missteps the government has made over the years. My favorites are the Love Canal doc, The Polio Crusade (which covers the march of dimes), and the history of American Eugenics doc. Watching their videos with your adblocker disabled is an easy way to give them money.

A PBS passport also only costs $5 a month minimum and provides access to a host of other content.

PLEASE take a moment to do send an email to your rep and sign the petition in the link below. This is vitally important programming which disproportionately benefits the poorest and most marginalized, but is still incredibly enjoyable even to those who don't need it. And remember: an uneducated public is an oppressed public.

[kelltonic]

Defences ★彡

Mickey ‘Fanboy’ Garcia x Reader

Description: While at the hard deck with the other daggers, Mickey - your boyfriend - get’s heavily flirted on by a stranger when you’re not around, and he is never more committed to shut someone down.

Warnings: Alcohol/Drunkenness, very light sexual harassment (fem on man). Canon-typical asshole Hangman. I love Reuben. Fanboy is a sweetheart. Other than that it’s just an established relationship and fluff. No use of y/n.

WC: 1,500

A/N: Guys if you want more Mickey (or any top gun) PLEASE request - I have been struggling for ideas lol - even if it’s just another version of an already made fanfiction with a different character, or a headcanons prompt!! - ALSO for anyone who read my prev a/n on my other fanboy ff, I GOT 100% ON MY ENGLISH EXAM!!! I actually started tweaking out (it was creative writing). We don't talk about my other exams though.

“Oh come on!” Mickey groaned while throwing his arms in the air, physically complaining over the miss he just hit in pool. “The tables gotta be uneven or something.” He said, mostly jokingly.

"Don't be bitter that I'm just better." Reuben shrugged, flashing a cocky smile to tease his best friend with.

After a long day of flying, most of the squadron retired to the most familiar place on base, the Hard Deck. A comforting yet bustling bar that welcomed naval aviators with open arms.

"Now that's funny-" Fanboy was about to start, but was quickly cut off by that oh so familiar southern drawl.

"Boys, boys, let me show you how a real man shoots." Hangman mocked, condescendingly snatching the pool cue out of Fanboy's hands while simultaneously shooting a wink to one of the many attractive women scattered around the bar. Payback's face formed a frustrated expression as he leaned back to watch what Hangman would do. Hangman did this more than anyone would like. Preferably, he'd never interrupt the games for some silly flirting exercise, but something about Jake couldn't live without the thrill of the tease.

Fanboy was about the opposite, despite what his callsign may allude. Sure, before he met you, he would throw around a few pick up lines and enjoy the spotlight whenever a pretty girl noticed him. But now? He is duller than a rock if someone tries to get a piece of him. You're his favourite person in the entire world, and he makes sure you know it - as long as you promise not to tell Reuben. He can't have another passive-aggressive flight because Reuben decided to teach him how significant of a role he plays in Mickey's life. He would rather jump out of his plane mid flight than let you think you meant anything less to him.

So when the girl Hangman had been flirting with had finally approached him with her friends who had been giggling like hyenas at the squadron the entire night, he just went to get another round.

He looked back from the bar to see the girls clinging to various daggers while waiting for the drinks, chuckling at the sight of Reuben getting surrounded. He didn't think anything of it until one of them separated and began approaching him.

But he didn't want to assume anything, she may just be coming to do the same thing as him.

"Hey handsome." She giggled, leaning against the bar next to Fanboy. Welp, there goes the lack of assumption.

"Hi." He responded bluntly, giving a brief polite yet not hinting smile. All that warranted was a giggly and flirtatious response.

"Come here often?" She said, clearly a little tipsy if not anything further. She scooted closer to him, practically brushing him. As much as he wanted to make space between him, the bar was particularly crowded and he honestly didn't want to bother the aviator directly behind him.

"Yeah a bit, most of us frequent this bar the most." He said with a dry sigh, averting eye contact. He couldn't help but wish Penny sped up with the drinks, but he would never in any lifetime say that to her and face her (and Maverick's) wrath.

"Come on pretty boy, loosen up." She giggled while gripping his arm, trying to push their bodies flush together.

"Okay no thank you." He quickly spoke, lightly pushing her away. He was uncomfortable, and couldn't help but feel guilty despite the fact he had done nothing wrong. "I have a girlfriend." He stated, easily plying her hand off his arm.

"Is she here?" She said while staring into his eyes playfully, unbothered by the physical signs he was presenting.

"No?" He said, puzzled by her persistence.

"Then she doesn't have to know." She responded while trying to close the distance again.

"Here ya go." Penny interrupted with a small smile, placing a tray of various alcoholic beverages in front of them before dashing off to another patron. all Mickey could think was 'oh thank goodness' as Penny saved him from this uncomfortable and awkward encounter.

He grabbed the drink tray and flashed the girl a small, awkward smile as he sped walk to the full group again.

"Ayy!!" Reuben and various others bellowed, grateful to see another wave of drinks. "Our saviour." He joked, taking a beer.

"On land and sky." Mickey responded, placing the tray down while grabbing himself a beer. It only took a few awkward shuffles from Mickey for Reuben to detect something was off, despite his current state.

"You good?" He asked with a smile, tilting his head as he carefully watched Mickey's reaction.

"Yeah, yeah, I just feel... dirty." Mickey murmured, the guilt of another woman's attraction to him weighing on him like an elephant.

"Dirty? Or like.. dirty." Reuben repeated, shifting from a playful to serious tone.

"Dirty." Mickey echoed, reaching for his phone in his back pocket. "...One of the girls was flirting with me. Hard." He elaborated.

"Since when was that a bad thing?" Reuben scoffed, before a wave of realisation hit him. "Ohhh... right, okay." A neutral tone flowing through his voice. It only took a second for a puzzled expression to take over his face. Mickey had to admit one thing, Reuben was one of the most expressive people he's ever met.

"So... why do you feel bad?" He mocked, a slight laugh leaving his mouth. "You didn't flirt back.. right?" Reuben questioned. He knew how utterly enamoured Mickey was with you, he had to get his callsign from somewhere. But he couldn't help but seek clarification.

"No!" Mickey swiftly reacted after taking a gulp of his beer, a frankly offended expression covering his face.

"...." Reuben just stared, a little dumbfounded at Mickey's loyalty policies. Despite a hint of respect also developing, he couldn't help but laugh at Mickey's commitment to you. And his standards for what counts as something he should feel guilty for or not. However, Reuben was also observant. Even if he wasn't, it would still be easy to tell how sad the thought of someone else flirting with Mickey made him. Someone other than you. But his trance was interrupted by an exaggerated sigh.

"Okay, look. I'm only ever going to say this once, so listen up." Reuben began, placing his beer down as he forced eye contact with Mickey. Landing a hand on his shoulder, he groaned as he realised what he was about to say and the possibility of Mickey never letting him live it down. "You're attractive. Really damn hot, man. Both physically and personality wise. You have good energy and people are naturally drawn to your confidence and kindness. So you're gonna have to get used to the idea of people, women included, approaching you and flirting." Reuben stated, more teaching than hyping.

Mickey was conflicted between smiling and teasing Reuben. "Come on man, that's the nicest thing you've said to me." He said with a chuckle as his shoulders dropped and his gave Reuben a quick hug before he potentially got bitch slapped by him.

"Okay off." Reuben scolded, pushing Mickey off of him with a forced groan.

"...I'm still gonna call her though." Mickey quickly ushered while typing in your contact on his phone, which just elicited a 'why do I even try' motion from Reuben as he walked away.

Your phone rang a couple times before you got the chance to pick it up, busy with an email.

"Hello?" you spoke seriously, forgetting to check the caller ID.

"Babe!!" Mickey spoke, excited to hear your voice. He always sounded ecstatic whenever you two spoke.

"Hey baby, what's up?" You spoke warmly, a complete shift from your initial greeting.

"I just wanted to tell you I love you more than anything in the entire world. Even flying." Mickey spoke quickly, not for a lack of authenticity.

"I love you too... why are you calling to tell me this?" You said with a small chuckle, it wasn't uncommon for Mickey to randomly declare his love, especially over the phone due to distance. It was however rare for him to do it at this late hour.

"Some girl was flirting with me. BUT! I didn't at all entertain it for a second." Mickey emphasised, he was only slightly tipsy but the honesty made you giggle. You would never in a million years have to worry about his loyalty, and this is one of the reasons.

"Well I appreciate that." You responded softly, the yearning for his presence briefly satiated by his voice. All you could hear on the other end of the line was a low giggle, as far as you could tell he could very well be twirling his (non-existent) hair and kicking his feet.

"I miss you sweetie." You whispered with a gentle desire from the heart.

"I do too, but you'll never guess what Reuben said to me." Mickey said with a chuckle, you could practically hear his smile, and his longing.

A/N: Bit of a corny ending but I didn't know what else to do lmao.

Started: 12:00am Sunday 22nd of June Ended: 8:00pm Thursday 26th of June

[kithtaehyung]

Hi ryen! I was watching josh johnson and he was talking about the trend/“prank” where guys call their friends to wish them goodnight and i wondered how 3tan yoongi and bro would react if they did it to each other lol

…oh my god. oh, my god.

You [10:12pm]: come here for a sec

Idiot🙄 [10:12pm]: ???

Your brother walks into your room ten seconds later, wondering why the hell you’d text him in the middle of the night if you weren’t in serious need of help.

“Oh,” you puff out from your cotton abode. “I just didn’t wanna get up.”

“…Wow.” As he turns to leave, you shoot up and stop him,

“Wait! Real quick, you have to do this.”

“Do what.”

He goes to where you beckon him with a grin, sitting on the edge of your bed and looking at your phone. You show him a video of a prank you’ve seen making the rounds, and he immediately laughs in recognition,

“I’ve seen this, yeah. And it’s weird! Why would you just tell me goodnight outta nowhere? The fuck?”

“Y’all are the ones that are weird! It’s just a good night!”

“Nah. That is a red flag if I've ever seen one. Wait, you want me to do it? To who?”

You have someone in mind, but you’re definitely not gonna say his name out loud. “I dunno, you have like a thousand friends. Pick one.”

After a quick laugh, your brother comes to the conclusion on his own. “Nah, wait, it’s gotta be Yoongi. Hold on.”

Excellent. You agree. Perfect scenario.

You get your phone ready to record, already knowing your brother is gonna put on the most ridiculous show known to man, cheeks straining with repressed anticipation.

What’s Yoongi gonna say? How’s he gonna react? Is he even gonna pick up?

The phone rings once.

Then it goes quiet as it’s answered.

“Sup.”

Immediately, your brother folds his lips to keep from laughing, and you have to smack your own mouth shut with a hand. Talk about stage fright. He looks downright embarrassed.

“Hello?”

When your brother’s voice comes out a little forced, you throw your head back and feel a burn down your throat from containing your laughter. “H-hey, Yoong, what’s up.”

“Just finishing things up at the studio. You good?”

"Yeah, man. About to head to bed."

There's a jingle of keys on the line, and your fingers slide up to your eyes then back down again as you watch your normally confident sibling fight to keep himself together.

"...And?"

A high-pitched squeak eeks from your mouth before both you and your brother double over in painful, joyfully painful silent laughter. This is going exactly how you imagined it would, even up to the way your sibling cannot sit anymore and has to result to pacing.

"Nah, that was.. That was it," he strains out in a higher pitch, unable to look at your tear-dotted eyes. "Just wanted to say goodnight, you know? You know how it goes."

The elongated silence on the line is enough to send you straight into your pillowcase. You damn near forget you're recording this whole disaster of a call.

"...Is this a joke?"

Oh, god. Your shoulders hurt as you puff into silk, and you raise your head enough to see your brother's teeth as he laughs,

"What? No! I can't even wish my bro goodnight?"

"No."

"Ah, come on, say it back."

"Pass."

Your cheeks are pulled so taut you don't know when they'll snap back to their regular shape.

Forget perfect, this has crossed the line into priceless. Leave it to your brother to twist his timidness to a place of control in a snap. Now the ball is in Yoongi's hands and you can't wait to see what he does with it.

"Come on, Yoongi,” he chides in a whine, “I'm about to pass out, lemme hear it."

What you expect is for Yoongi to go radio silent again. Or refuse again. The ambient noise on the line is normal, as always.

So both you and your brother are completely thrown speechless when you hear a tender, quiet,

"Good night to you, too."

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit!

Your mouth agape mirrors your brother's stunned expression, and a second passes before both of you completely and utterly lose it.

"Holy shit!"

"What the fuck, Yoong?"

Your laughter must sound so crunchy over the phone, because your laughs combined are so damn loud in response, yours even more so because seeing your older sibling reduced to jelly is making you wheeze.

On the speaker, you can just hear the laughter in Yoongi's voice. And it makes you miss him terribly,

"Of course."

"Damn it, man! You gotta warn me before doing that."

"Don't play games you can't win."

When he throws his head back in laughter, you grin and watch your phone recording him. "I'll remember that."

"Is it just you two?"

"Yeah, she made me do it," your brother blurts, to which you yell in response,

"Wow, snitch!"

Another laugh on the line puffs out, and you let your own out again. This was everything you imagined and more.

When they have their own conversation, you stop your video and keep laughing to yourself, more than satisfied that you initiated the prank. Doesn’t matter that your sibling walks out of the room with even more laughter, closing your door with a soft click.

Yoongi took that like a champ.

You hope your brother will take your dirty little secret just as well.

....

Right.

-

-

3tan slices: mini scenarios inspired by reader asks! series: three tangerines

[bloody-noodle]

You know, the bestiality statistic has me absolutely fascinated because I got involved in an uncomfortable conversation with a seemingly porn obsessed, anime loving, incel misogyny podcast watching former childhood white dude friend. We were harmlessly browsing a toy company's website for toy figurines when we came across a few dog plastic figurines

and out of nowhere he goes "Oh hey look, something for you"

and I thought he meant it was because I was a life long animal lover, but no, this guy goes, completely unprompted "because you're a white woman, your species likes to fuck dogs right?"

How does one say something like that to another human being? How does your mind go there at all? Needless to say that weird and creepy comment was the last straw (he was weird and sexual with me before this too),

But seeing this statistic, that men are more likely to engage in beastiality, and yet this stereotype is used against white women specifically. How interesting.

But it got me thinking about how men actually view women. They don't see them as people, they see them as porn categories. Not individuals, but rather various acts of sex.

I don't think men can really view women in a non sexualized manner unless they really put the effort in.

Its why they treat women they deem unattractive with contempt, or that they like to pretend they do not exist. Because to them, she shouldn't

Its incel rhetoric at its finest, in an attempt to devalue the pussy they want so so badly. To turn the woman into the bitch they've always seen her as. Another one of their degradation fetishes. Maybe a coping mechanism for their own lack of desirability? Anyway.

Women are sexualized for absolutely everything, down to fucking pet ownership (look at the narrative men have pertaining to "horse girls" too, funny how we can only exist as stereotypes and categories, not as complex humans). This is how fucking broken their brains are currently.

Men's notions of women, the reality of women are an illusion informed by the pornography they've gone searching for (made for a male audience, female subject or no.) or fantasies they've had. They look down at any media regarding the actual humanity of women, disrespect it with one primary criticism "That's for women", not just media, anything associated with us really. (and people think pornography doesn't affect worldview, lol, piss off with that noise!)

My question is, where are all the derogatory stereotyping regarding men? In specific white men? Is it even possible for them to be degraded in such a way?

Also yes, being spoken to and sexualized in such a fucked up way by a childhood friend was painful. Like the fact that someone who I saw as a brother, his first thought about me was that...fucking speechless.

putting the information from the FBI, the UN and the Department of Defense into an infographic

More Statistics:

Sources:

[mona-risms]

mira x Reader where Reader is a civilian and Mira's friend before the Fame. (Reader knew about Mira being a demon hunters ) but to to a demon attack, Reader managed to survive from the attack but an accident happen causing reader to go to hospital in critical condition. A chance Losing Reader makes Mira realize her feelings and she doesn't want to lose Reader and visits Reader, wanting the first person Reader will see after surgery.

◆ MAIN COURSE: Mira x gn!Reader

◆ TYPE: SFW, romantic

◆ ALLERGEN WARNINGS: Hospitals, comas.

◆ NOTES: None? Tbf I didn't know how to take this, my bad gang I tried my best 😓💔

Through all the bs she's gone through as someone who's often been looked down upon as the 'black sheep'—a title she still held high to this day but also became lonely as a consequence—you were the only person who's been with her as a constant as the years went on. You never judged, you never told her to conform to any sort of expectations her family or anyone wanted to put on her, you never expected anything from her. You were just.. there, happy to be with her in any way, shape, and form. And she'll be damned if she ever fucking lost you

She doesn't hide things from you as long as you don't hide things from her, and she can tell if you are. But if not, then it's the most refreshing thing ever, and honestly you're the one she will EVER trust the most, even WITH HUNTR/X involved. Hell, even though Hunter training requires her to keep it a secret, she's like "alr I'll keep it a secret.......to everyone else but [Y/N] but Celine doesn't need to know that". Honestly you've most likely helped her even more BECAUSE you know, and she appreciates it so much. She doesn't know what she did to really deserve you but she wouldn't wanna trade you for anything either way

This carries on WAY into the fame as well!! You're basically Mira's number one fan and she agrees, but for the sake of your privacy and peace she doesn't really bring any spotlight on you—her being swarmed by people without a disguise in public is one thing bc she probably would have a security detail AND she can handle herself anyway bc of her training, but you being swarmed just for being associated w her is another. She's very protective of you and doesn't want you to feel bothered by anything :3

Whenever they all feel a ripple in the Honmoon, Mira's first move is to call you while they're on the way Every Time. She always calls you just to make sure that you're okay, and every time you don't answer she leaves a voicemail/text (depends on the type of person you are, bc I never listen to my voicemails personally) asking you to check in if you're okay. To you, this is just random lil bouts of wanting to talk to you, which :((( that's so cute of her :(((((( but to her she's gen trying to make sure you're okay

Zoey has like mini cuteness aggression every time and channels it into killing off the demons while Rumi's giggling and reassuring Mira that you'll be okay. Mira rolls her eyes but also goes like "she better be" bc why would she ever hide her concern for her best friend from her found family ok :(

She def won't be able to even tell she has any feelings at all at first fr. You've been best friends for so long that it's like. Why would you be anything BUT best friends? She doesn't really think about the possibility of becoming something more with you because....honestly she doesn't even need to. Though if you try to confess to her at some point she might pass it off as a joke and not get its partly bc lol you funny asf but also she likes what you two have rn 🤷‍♀️ why ruin it yk you're gonna spend forever w each other anyway

WELL. Until that Fateful Day 😜

The Honmoon ripples purple, and the trio stop their rehearsal bc oh shit another attack!! But before she even takes out her phone as they all start moving to the source, her phone rings—it's you, and you are fucking terrified because you know exactly what's in front of you on your end rn bc it's the exact thing Mira warned you of. Her blood grows cold, and the three of them hurry over to the source bc oh god oh fuck she has a very bad feeling about this

By the time they get there, you're trying to fend off these demons, probably with some other people, and they're even laughing at you before HUNTR/X rushes them. But at some point Mira gets occupied w fighting one demon already that she doesn't see the one charging at her side......so you run to intercept it, at the cost of getting REALLY hurt and your soul quite possible almodt sucked out before Mira kills it and HUNTR/X wipes the rest out. Seems like the demons have to siphon souls gradually rather than just taking it, so you're basically still safe but you're Also in a coma rn bc of critical condition (yes your injuries but also bc you just had a bit of your soul sucked away but it's not like they know that 😓)

It's around this time, when she visits as much as she can (she'd do it daily if she could but unfortunately she does have responsibilities ☹️), that she ends up reflecting on a lot of things. How she shiuld've been faster or more attentive, how you took a blow for her without hesitation, how she didn't really know how to function without you. Or, well, she did, but she feels so fucking Hollow without your presence, even when you're right in front of her on the hospital bed. She reflects if she could've done smth to change things, she reflects on whether she should've even told you about this whole Hunter thing at all, she reflects on if she really should've stayed friends w you or if she should've just spared you via pushing you away too

And then she realises that oh. Wait a minute. She like likes you. She couldn't tell, not like she even had the time to, but somewhere along the way when she considered you as someone who she couldn't ever part from without feeling like there's something missing, she had fallen for you. It just took too late to realise that :(

So she visits you as much as possible, the visitation log mostly being her with the exception of the other HUNTR/X members, your friends, relatives, whatever. But it's mostly her

Mira's hands were clasped tightly onto yours, gloves taken completely off to feel your skin, as tears ran down her face. Despite her whole 'tough-girl' thing, she was always sensitive to tears—something that you would've laughed about as you wiped her tears with your thumbs or your sleeve.. if you were responsive anyway.

"Wake up, idiot," the idol rasped out, her words muffled by the hospital sheets as she wept for who knows how many times it's been, "you've been asleep for a while and-- and we kicked Gwi-Ma's ass so.. so you don't need to keep sleeping anymore."

Mira had never really been childish, not even when she was a child. That was all taken away from her the moment her own family had judged her for being too blunt, too harsh, too unladylike to be anything but a problem. But when it came to you? Somehow it was as if that wasn't the case at all—here she was, pleading for you to come back for the 5th day now, and god knows how many times she's actually been like this in total.

Yet as she raised her head to look at you, you gave no answer, and your eyes stayed blissfully shut.

Mira felt her face crumple as another sob threatened to climb her throat before she swallowed it. Instead, she got up and leaved over so very carefully.. to press a soft kiss on your forehead—her lips were hot against your cold face, and she could recall the way that you had often spoke of her warm, 'cuddle-certified' body.

"I'll be here when you wake up, yeah? Always will be," Mira whispered as if the silence, only broken by the medical monitors, was fragile, "because you didn't leave me back then, so I won't leave you now.. or ever."

She slowly drew your hand to press a kiss on your digits before leaning her forehead on your knuckles, "Come home."

..There was the slightest twitch of your fingers, so brief yet so significant at the same time.

She'll keep waiting for you no matter what :(

And if you wake up from your condition? If she sees you wake up? The first three words you'll hear from her mouth isn't anything teasing or anything, no. It's something she should've said more, something you need to know, from the bottom of her heart

"I love you."

[natscqtorccio]

Hiii I saw you were asking for nat x reader hc request so here is mine 😼 ok so hear me out. Nerdy, never does anything “adventurous” (alcohol, drugs, etc), just like stays in her lane 24/7, with Natalie who is like just in love at like first sight but like has to keep it cool Yk. Sorry if this is too much 😿 also sorry for bad grammar and punctuation I’m dyslexic and English is not my first language 💔.

no worries! thanks for the request!

natalie x nerdy!reader…

maybe you’re like a transfer student in senior year? and you just give off huge nerd/geek vibes from first glance, from your entire look/outfit 😭

from the moment you’re introduced to your class - nat just can’t seem to take her eyes off of you - and even she doesn’t necessarily know why, because it’s not like you’re the type she usually goes for or hangs out with but like mid-lecture or something, she finds her eyes just going to you.

she’s not trying to be a creep or anything - she just picks up little things - like how you bite your lip when you’re intensely focused on something, or how your eyes light up when you raise your hand to answer a question, or how it seems like you so effortlessly doodle something (usually a cartoon character) in your notebook - and she definitely notices how you blush if the two of you ever make eye contact.

you find nat a little intimidating at first - just like her general attitude and Presence that she has (and yeah okay, she’s incredibly attractive but it’s not like you’ll admit it-) ; you make small talk here and there with her but nothing too serious - not until you’re assigned on a project with her for class - and then you kind of have to talk to her but it’s fine, you’re doing something for school so there’s something you can focus/fixate on.

nat coming over to your place to work on the project… seeing your room that’s just covered in with like comic posters - the corner of the room with a shelf with all your comic books - the tv in your room with 3 different game consoles… this does serve as the perfect opportunity for nat to ask you about your interests - and then you find yourself rambling, explaining your favorite video game to her or your favorite comic run - blushing like crazy when you realize you’ve been talking for like the last 15 minutes with no interruption from nat…

nat’s kind of fascinated though - she doesn’t really get what you’re talking about but she loves seeing you be so passionate about it so she definitely encourages it lol 😭

this is kind of how the friendship starts.. you start having her try playing your favorite games, reading your favorite comics - and in turn, she invites you to come watch the soccer team play (and you are most definitely attracted to nat playing sports 😳)… you actually become friends with her teammates and nat invites you to your first party (and you Eventually try like getting high and drinking for the first time 😭 nat thinks you’re adorable when you’re a little drunk and high lmao…. oh man, when you get drunk at a party and ask nat if you can kiss her -she says yes - and you’re going to have a lot to discuss with her the next morning 🤭)

[justabeewithapen]

Hi! So as I’m writing the fanfic for your TV AU, can you explain Tenna’s roles between the Light World and the Dark World in detail? Like, what happens when class is in session and when it’s out of session? I want it to be as accurate as possible lol 🌈🎨🎭

This is going to be a wall of text so take this doodle as a little treat ehehehe!

Starting with the Lightworld! As the new classroom TV (they didn’t have an old one but he still takes this responsibility very seriously!!) his main use is on Fridays when the kids get to watch a bit of a movie or documentary or episode of a show (all educational of course) at the end of class. He also gets use on days when they have tests planned or if it is too rainy/cold outside to hold recess. When he was first moved into the classroom he was only brought into the room when it was one of those special TV Time occasions, but now, he practically lives in the corner on his TV Cart.

The reason he gets to hang around the classroom even when it isn’t TV Time is because the kids in Toriel’s classroom have sort of adopted him as a class pet! Now, these are younger kids, they didn’t need an excuse to love a TV (anything to not do class work, even if Toriel often gives them worksheets to fill out during TV Time) but Susie’s been putting in WORK! She made sure these little kids knew his name and how “very cool” he was, spinning them tales of “Mr. Tenna’s adventures” with a few very inserts of other Darkners (especially Lancer). Is she just mostly stealing plots from movies she has seen? Oh 100%, but she promised him an audience that would care about him again, and by goodness she is going to deliver!!

Him and his TV stand tend to live in the corner of Toriel’s classroom when not in use, though he does still spend time in the extra classroom for storage or the storage closet (aka Castle Town). Susie and/or Kris are known to move him there after school gets out for hanging out purposes. Sometimes in Toriel’s classroom he gets used, but not even as a TV! During those rainy/cold days him and his TV stand make for a perfect support in a blanket fort, or a base for a block tower on his shelves. Sometimes he even gets to visit the older kid classroom (usually after big projects or tests) and he gets to see his stars again…

While outside of the dark world he isn’t *technically* sentient, but he is still aware and watching from his side even if that side only exists when he is in the dark world. Speaking of!

Castle town/his perspective on things!!

While not actually able to interact with the class, he takes his role as a TV Teacher very very seriously! During times when he is playing a show or movie he is always commentating and quipping on the action and “fun facts” related to what is being watched, even though the kids can’t hear him. He always makes sure his outfit is properly thematic for the lesson that day, as (once again even if they can’t interact with him) he wants to give these kids his very best! When not being actively watched by the kids, he’s still watching them. Obviously he still has… way too many unaddressed anxieties relating to Toriel, but he enjoys hearing her teach and is frequently taking notes in the same way the kids are! Occasionally, if Toriel isn’t reading or grading something important, she’ll turn on the cable and idly listen while getting work done. (He has complicated feelings about this but it’s generally a positive!)

When back in Castletown he is spending his time preparing boards, quizzes, and physical challenges relating to the stuff that happened in class that day, all of which he is incredibly enthusiastic about sharing with the Fun Gang. Is most of it below their grade level, yeah, but he’s really trying! He also goes out of his way to try and be helpful around Castletown, volunteering for building projects or clean up or mini games however he is needed (he very desperately wants to feel needed).

Hopefully all of this makes sense and I am happy to clarify any points that don’t!! My head is still pretty foggy so I’m sure I said something screwy that needs a bit more context XD

[pearlypeacepeacock69]

I attend quite a few art events, both casual to formal, so I want to share my experience.

Every event has a reason for being held. In regards to art events they can be:

1) Fundraiser

2) Opening/ Reception

3) Awards ceremony

4) Demonstration performance

The op goes into fundraisers extensively so I'm skipping it

Type of event: Gallery Opening / Reception (after event/party)

Attire: Casual to formal (depends on event). Rock up with cut off and a crop top to a public even. Wear your Sunday best to a rare viewing.

Reason for event: Gallery opeings and receptions are usually held to celebrate an artist or artists works. Sometime it's for a collection*.

Conversation: usually we talk about the artwork, artist(s), the process / medium, history, anything to do with art. We'll catch up, make small talk with people, network, but we're mainly focused on seeing artwork

Food: There's usually hors d'oeuvres, but the quality really depends on the exclusivity of the event. Open to the public? You get Cosco cracker platter and tiny water bottles. Ticket/ members only event? Catering* babyyyy! Invite only? Oh we FANCY fancy. Might be a buffet style lunchon or light dinner. Alcohol is similar to what was said in the other post.

Attendees: Again this depends on the exclusivity of the event. At the casual ones you can see children and may even have activity/ craft stations just for them. The more formal ones may have children if it's the artist's family. Collector shows dont really bring their little kids. If it's a gallery featuring student/ kids' work ofc kids will be there and it's adorable every time.

Location: These events are held in galleries* or museums*, but can also (rarely) be in a "pop up" galley.

Duration: 1 to 3 hours max (2 is pushing it honestly)

What to expect:  Doors open and allow people to wonder the gallery/ museum. Sometimes you get a little program about the showcase and the artist statement. Depending on the event, the showcased artworks might be the only thing available to look at. People are given a bit of time to view everything and maybe hors d'oeuvres and drinks. After a bit, the Director, collector, artist, and/ or special guest will make a speech.

Artist will talk about their life/ processes/ meaning/ etc. Collectors will talk about how they acquired the artworks and how much they love the artist/ style/ history/ period style. They will either loan or gift to the museum/ gallery. Directors are like the "owner" of the space. They'll talk about the hosting, their own appreciation of the works, sponsors (who might speak too), etc.

After speeches are done, people can mingle and look at art again or just leave.

Artist will talk about their life/ processes/ meaning/ etc. Collectors will talk about how they acquired the artworks and how much they love the artist/ style/ history/ period style. They will either loan or gift to the museum/ gallery. Directors are like the "owner" is the space. They'll talk about the hosting, their own appreciation of the works, sponsors (who might speak too), etc.

After speeches are done, people can mingle and look at art again or just leave.

Type of event: Awards ceremony

Attire: business casual to formal. The more prestigious the award, the more formal you dress. BUT you can also dress "artistically" (like a hot fucking mess) if you're rich enough.

Reason for event: to commemorate someone, to acknowledge achievements, to gas up sponsors and donors.

Conversation: It's very much like a reception in terms of conversation. A lot more "congratulations" tho. If we know the candidates, but winners are not announced yet, there's a LOT of anticipation and gossip. And sometimes cattyness lol. "Sue's composition is trash compared to Mary's. There's no way she'll win" "But Mary's subject is so trite! Very amature" it's so fucking funny (I've done the same thing lmao)

Food: Durring the ceremony theres not usually any food. Thats what a reception is for. Can be a dinner though! Theres usually two seating sections for dinners. One is for the people receiving awards, so they're usually seated closer to the stage or podium as well as speakers. The other section is for attendees. Sometimes theres a seating chart. Dinner award ceremonies are banquets.

Attendees: typically not open to the public so the people attending are the celebrated, their families, the director/ contest host/  representative, special guests, sponsors, the judges, etc. There are children's art competitions!!! Scholastic does one and it offers scholarships to the winners!

Location: museum, gallery, banquet hall, auditorium, parking lot, whatever.

Duration: the ceremony it's self is 45 minutes to 1 ½ hours (the worst or the best theres no inbetween). Reception after.

What to expect: You walk in before the event starts and recieve a little booklet called a program. It has the itinerary, candidates names (and directors/ hosts and sponsors), a blurb about the competition or what ever the ceremony is about, and some pretty art sometimes. Maybe the name of the live music.

Theres a bit of time to look at the artwork if you get there early. They might be hung on the walls, but if it's an auditorium they might have a slide show projected instead. The ceremony starts on time, speeches are made, medals and trophiesand handed out. Its more emotional that I can wright :/   I suggest watching at least a bit of this from the Scholastic Art and Writing Awards National Ceremony (skip to 6 mins to hear the host talk).

Type of event: Demonstration performance

Dawg I'm not gonna lie, all the ones I attended are weird as fuck. If you want to put Bruce or whoever in a confusing ass situation, make them go to a demonstration. Make that man watch some twink in a full body latex paint brush costume wiggle around on the floor for 6 minuets somehow creating a 10' x 10' rendition of the Mona Lisa with tits the size of Venice. Have him hold a conversation with a woman who is Wind™️ with a fan attached to her ankle. There is fabric flying around. Its in his eyes. He keeps talking. Good luck 🫡🤷🏿‍♀️ fucking performance art can be so cool but what the hell?

*museum - (usually) non-profit that focuses on preserving, educating, collecting works of art. They can have  permanent collections and  temporary rotations of "traveling" works. The one I work at has a temporary exhibition of Rodin rn and a borrowed Warhol. We also have a permanent (and growing!) collection of student art 😭

*gallery- so here's were terms get weird. Museums can have galleries, as in, a room that holds similar art work/ art by the same person. But theres also private galleries, as in a building that is usually privately owned, can be for profit, and can house almost anything the owner wants. Like a Monet next to a Kara Walker. The art in galleries can also be purchased. More contemporary, you can submit you art to one to hopefully sell.

*collection - a bunch of artwork that may be created by the same (sometimes deceased) person, OWNED and loaned by one person/ family, share the same themes, created in the same era (think impressionist or highway men), etc. Art owned by a person or museum is a Personal Collection.

* Catering - Usually venues and hosts have a preferd caterer, so if you've been thinking of that curry spinich empanadas for the past few months dont worry. If there's another event at that particular venue or host, you'll see those empanadas again (God i miss them ;w;) Catering is either on a table buffet style or with servers walking around with platters. Everything is small as hell. The more formal ones have ceramic dishes and silverware rather than paper and plastic.

*Special Guest - people who are invited to the event due to their knowledge of the arts, their philanthropy, experience with the artist/ medium/ history, president of some art alliance, or just some really cool dude.

by far the funniest thing about reading fanfiction as a political professional is that I can always tell exactly who has and hasn't been to a fundraiser or gala based on how they write them

[peachpopfizz]

so originally i was just doing a ref of the twins for the sake of my own memory. but then i realized "hey i can also make a blind felix au ref outta this"

i chose to dress the bfau boys as i did for specific reasons and i yap about it all under the cut so if you wanna see an autistic person lose their mind about character design uhhh open it ig

• Felix likes wearing thick, baggy clothing because it makes him feel more weighted and secure. also, he often runs into stuff during his first few months of blindness, and the thicker clothing helps reduce injury. it just kinda subconsciously became his preferred style of clothing after that. yes, he will wear a knitted sweater in 90° heat. no, he's not okay

• Felix's shoes are also noticeably thicker-soled than Ted's bc, again, he's scared he's gonna step on something on accident. his shoes are also velcro instead of lace so he doesn't struggle with putting them on by himself

• bc Felix Sr/Mr. Huxely is an Asshole who teaches his kids Assholish Values, Felix is very much ashamed of having to use a cane for a long, long time. he normally has Ted carry it around for him and only uses it when he absolutely has to. normally TED is his living cane so he doesn't need it much agdhagsgaha

• Felix replaces his bandages the start of every day, and every night before he goes to bed. ...or, Ted does it for him. a few nurses have tried before but Felix always complains about them 'not doing it right' or 'making it too tight' and even if they manage to get the bandages on, Felix would just rip them off and demand for Ted to do it afterwards (this is my way of subtly saying Felix only wants and trusts Ted to do his bandages and he's terrified of everyone else lol haha)

• He's still a little snobby asshole but he gets better every day, especially after meeting other disabled people. it's a slow process, but he's getting there. slowly. sooooo slowly.

• ong the whole time I was drawing bfau Ted the more details i added to him the louder that at one Markiplier audio played in my head. 'oh, it's adorable! ...oh, it has anxiety. oh, it's traumatized-'

• the only positive about this situation is that since Felix isn't on his ass about upholding a formal appearance for the family name anymore, Ted can dress more to his style, which is like. how any 5 year old would wanna dress ODGOSGAIG

• also, Ted not only primarily wears red bc it's like. His Color, it also hides bloodstains very well. and as I said in my first bfau post, blood comes out when Felix cries, Ted just.. doesn't mention that

• there's not much else to say about Ted's design other than that I slapped the top of that bad boy and saw how much guilt I could fit in em. spoiler: its a lot

• Ted doesn't get very good sleep a lot of the time, and when hes not with Felix, it's bc Felix Sr is dragging him to a business meeting so that he can 'learn the ropes'. Ted sleeps the best whenever Felix is in the same room as him, so thats why he has the eyebags. he doesn't get to, often

• as I said in my last post, Ted blames himself for what happened, even if it like. isn't at all his fault. he smiles a lot less and has lost a lot of his joyous whimsy. he still is the kinder and more positive twin, hes just. hes really Sad

• if someone makes fun of Felix for being blind Ted will beat them with the cane, fullstop. don't test him

• ...okay this isnt an au-specific thing its just how I draw the twins but every time I get to do it it makes me go 'teehee'. Felix's little hair part thing is shaped like an apple, and Ted's is a heart. teehee. I love details

okay that's it thank you for reading the rambles of an autistic maniac now shoo shoo sprays you with spray bottle

[pretty-lovely-things]

Hey so I had this not so little idea about why Armin cut his hair. Of course I have no tangible arguments it's just a really awful theory that I can't get out of my head.

Soooo, in season 3 Armin has to dress up as Historia for their mission, right ? And that's when the horror begins. He gets sa'd by that scumbag. We see in his face how uncomfortable and humiliated he was, the look he gives to Jean, almost impossible to forget...

He looked like Historia, because of his soft face (and of course their similar looks but) and his long hair. Which is why he got chosen to impersonate her. The thing is the others didn't see him as manly, and manly most of the time (unfortunately) rhymes with bravery. Armin, compared to Eren or Reiner or even Jean is clearly a soft boy. And throughout the whole show, Armin depicts himself as a coward that can't defend himself.

So cutting his hair was a way of forgetting the old Armin, who couldn't fight back, couldn't find the courage to protect his friends. But most importantly, to forget the memory of his molestation. 'Hair holds memory' we say. But in season four not only his hair changes, but his eyes. Oh...his eyes ? We're not looking at a kid when we look in his eyes, we're looking at a soldier, a man. They're not innocent and pure, they've seen things, and we know what Armin goes through during the show.

So overall, he could have cut his hair to appear more manly and never be seen as a weak little thing again (kind of toxic masculinity but it's actually interesting how it can reflect the reality of a lot of boys who got told to 'toughen up' because of how they will embrace their side of feminity)

I don't even know what I'm saying I feel like I should just go to sleep but I needed to post about this and see if others could have interpreted his transformation that way. Please bear with me lol

[theartofwoompwoomps]

Who you belong to

Tfp Starscream x human reader

Summary: you’ve been kidnapped and even though you’re not trying to escape your relation with Starscream is interesting? (Spoiler he gets jealous) note: this is going to be a series which explains the slow burn or unnecessary drama lol also this is gender neutral but your called gurl as a saying not as gender

Pt.1

——————————————————————————

You’d think it’d be much more entertaining having powerful evil aliens holding you hostage. 

But it’s already been a few weeks since you’ve been taken, and this place is driving you crazy.

There’s not much to do, especially after realizing everything is a whole lot more inconvenient at your size.

Thankfully, Starscream had some decency of bringing entertainment or things that could distract you, but after of a few days or hours it always lost its appeal.

Sighing as you lay on his berth, time seems to really like taking its sweet time. Without Starscream around the place was really quiet. 

As depressing as it sounds, you at least had one thing to look forward to. 

You see, there’s a few other humans on the nemesis. And after Soundwave found out humans need social interaction for good health, it became the norm to bring all the humans together once every two weeks. 

Of course their mechs were supervising, mainly because they distrust the other decepticons, but hey, the peace hasn’t been broken yet.

Feeling giddy at knowing Starscream will undoubtedly take you. Though he does it cause he likes to brag about his human caretaking skills.

And cause he likes seeing you happy, but you don’t have to know that.

————————————

The berth room’s doors slid open announcing your mechs arrival.

Hopping up from your laying position, you go to greet him, “Welcome back Lord Starscream.”

He enters, looking down at you as he offers you to climb his servo. 

You climb on, yet to receive a response. He looks different… not physically rather, his actions. He’s just looking at you. 

His optics making small movements as they analyze different parts of you. 

Well he doesn’t seem mad, you think, but it’s uncanny how un-chatty he’s being.

“…um, is everything alright?”

His optics make contact with your small eyes, you see his optical ridge, aka brows, frown making him look sullen.

Seeing no verbal response you decide to sit as you continue to look at him as well.

And as you are on his servo, he uses a digit to stroke, more like poke, your back. Your skin pricks as a small shiver goes down your spine. 

After awhile he closes his eyes letting a breath out. “Pet human,” oh surprised he’s speaking to you, “ I have not forgotten the arrangement for you humans today. We shall make our presence there soon.” 

Heading towards the gathering he exits his berth with you on hand.

Normally you both would be excited for the potential gossip but your bot is definitely more tired than amused. 

Upon arriving, you see almost everyone is here. He walks past the others, heading towards the large table. All the humans were there, it’s technically a giant barbie house but you’re not complaining.

Lowering his servo, you hop off once near. “Hey Pet, today’s visit will be short so make the most of time with your humanly things.” Sending him a nod before walking off you go to greet the others. 

Much to starscreams enjoyment, one of the humans who is closest to you is knockout’s pet.

You both tended to have the juiciest information, and he just so happened to be in mood for entertainment. 

Trying to stay close, he stays right where he can hear you but not be seen by you.

“ Eavesdropping so soon Screamer?” 

Groaning as he turns to face the medic, sees his smirk as he walks closer to him. 

“You know your human isn’t going anywhere right.” Starscream rolls his optics in annoyance, 

“Please, your far more protective of these pets than you let on. Besides Doctor, your the one whose been nagging my way of caretaking my human.”

Shrugging as he agrees, both bots continue in conversation as their humans do so as well not that far from them.

Honestly both weren’t really paying attention to y’all until the heard a specific phrase.

“What do you mean (name)? You for real haven’t ever thought of being in another bots care?”

He perks a brow at that, even Knockout pauses his sentence to hear.

“I didn’t think it was an option, so it never really crossed my mind. Have you thought about that?”

Now knockout is as close as starscream, both tilting their helms to get better audio. “Gurl please, with a bot as hot as knockout I ain’t ever going nowhere.”

Hearing your chuckle he also sees the visible grin growing on the medic’s face. Oh boy his ego is showing again.

“But be fr, even if you hadn’t thought about it before, if you could, who would you choose to be your caretaker?” 

Your silence makes him tense. 

He not really sure what you thought on the matter. Heck— he’s not too sure what he thinks about you.

“Hmm, well you didn’t hear this from me, but I’d go for Soundwave—“ “What?! There’s no way!” They gasp out hearing your response. Starscream also having to hold back his own gasp as you continue, “Cmon can you judge me? their human basically lives in luxury.”

“True dat, true dat.”

The conversation continues with both of y’all sharing reasons of how great he is.

But he’s great too.

Even better than that silent freak. Feeling a pang in his spark, anger creeps as he hears that out of all the bots Soundwave is your preferred bot?! Technically you didn’t say that

“Woah calm down Starscream, your vents are going crazy. And just a reminder they are talking hypothetically not reality.” 

But he just feels more infuriated, “I am calm.” Sure, but his tone told a different story. 

The medic backs off as Stars goes to pick you up, literally…

“Hey! This is a bit uncalled for you know !” 

He just grunts out a response too low for you to hear. You would have said something else, but judging from how tight he’s holding you he is definitely pissed.

Arriving back to his berth, which felt like an eternity to get to he places you down in your human corner before mass displacing.

Watching him transform is always mesmerizing, but seeing how angry he is as he approaches you is more menacing than mesmerizing.

“Woah, I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for whatever I could have done to have made you upset.” You slowly back up as he just continues to scowl...with a smile? An angry smile??

And he’s not stopping. He keeps walking towards you.

And that little thing called instincts makes run like crazy especially after hearing his own pedes speeding after you ,

“Get back here pet!”

You screech as you dodge a servo using the couch as defense.  “Nuh uh, I don’t even know why you’re mad at me !”

He scoffs but not necessarily at you, “Mad at you? No. Im upset with someone else who has messed with what is mine.” 

“Huh? Then why the hell are you chasing me for?!” 

He doesn’t respond as  he continues to chase you around the couch, but this time you don’t miss the small laugh on his face as he almost reaches you. 

You let out at snicker as he slipped on the rug, and you quickly rushed to the other side of the couch from where he is.

Though his disheveled self sprawled on the ground made you burst out laughing. 

Groaning as he gets up, holding his helm, he mischievously smiles at you, “You little rascal.” 

Jumps at you without a care that the couch is in between knocking you both to the ground.

You also groan as your body hits the floor. He landed on top of you, thankfully his structure avoided actually squeezing you to the ground. 

Though now he has you trapped.

“Geez, give me a warning next time.” And even though he also feels a bit of pain from the action, he simply snarks back playfully, “At least now I know I have all your attention.” 

“What? That’s sounds a bit silly, is that really necessary?”

“Well I can’t have Soundwave taking up any space in your tiny head that belongs to me.” You look at him in shock, “That’s what this is about?!” 

He frowns a bit as he explains himself, “I heard what you said about him. Not mention I also know you’ve been hanging around him a lot more recently.”

He inches his face plate closer. “But there’s one thing I want you to have clear.” You close your eyes feeling the warm air from his vents.

“No,” his servo holds your face, “Look at me as I tell you this.” You resist the urge to squirm feeling a bit uncomfortable at the change mood.

“Remember pet, you belong to me.”

——————————————————————————

Masterlist

[s1rawb3rry]

'loving you is forever' -> i just knowww i will fucking love it

okay but heejin is such a cute baby name

HER NICKNAME IS BAMBI STOP

im still in my baby fever this is bad for me

"but the time difference interfered." us

"it was enough for the two of you but to your daughter it was like she was living in a castle" oh sweet girl

JAY MENTION LETS GOOO

"people often made comments about how jay was the gentleman he is because of all the women he grew up around and you’d agree" ugh i miss him already

shes so real about the brussel sprouts

i love those details about the characters, makes them more alive yk hehe

"jay rarely cried but you remember the pure joy and gratitude in his eyes when he unwrapped the box and saw the familiar leather case he had seen so many times at the guitar shop." oh my honey boy <3333

SECOND NICKNAME JINJIN CUTIEEEE

mmmmmmmmmm meatballs

mmmm balls

WHO SAID THAT

i imagine heejin to have v small and short high pigtails with pink bows

icecream during winter is underrated

espppppp with some warm brownies like comeon now

NINGNING MENTIONN LETS GO

friend huh, friend

"someone you wished you could leave in the past but you’re glad you chose not to as the memory continues to live through your daughter. " and that broke my heart

"kissing your thumb and putting it towards her and your daughter does the same, connecting your thumbs, at the same time the two of you turn your hands 180 degrees with your thumbs pointing downwards so that your hands make the shape of a heart." this is so fucking adorable shut the fuck up

wait do they not know that heeseung is the father???? bc they keep on bring him up yk.... but if they knew and they knew he left wouldnt they NOT bring him up to not hurt her????? are you picking up what im putting down?

OHHH ONLY JAY KNOWSSSS

okay then WHY was he asking so many questions MY GOD

"he knew you so well but that night, that unfortunate night, it seemed that he was the person that knew you the least in the world. " STOP I WILL SOB

JAKEY'S LITTLE LETS GAUR HEHEHEH OH MY LOVE

mmm a buffet sounds ssaur good rn

"she looks up at you with her big doe eyes and for a second you see the uncanny resemblance of her and her father. “mama, who is my dad?”" when i tell you my heart strings are being PULLED

"she goes on to explain that when she was waiting to get picked up from school that day, she saw all of her classmates getting picked up by their dads and it got her thinking of her own, more specifically, the absence of her own father. " okay thats it

"and you were glad that it provided her some form of comfort because it seemed like she knew you were going to say that so she closed her eyes and gently placed her small hand over her heart." oh my sweet girl

"it was moments like this that made you question yourself as a mother. denying your daughter from someone who was half of her all because of your own selfish intention and pain that you aren’t able to heal from. " this, lets take a moment to talk about it. because its such a double edged sword, and at the end, everyone will be hurt one way or another. its all about choosing the lesser of two evils (i think thats the expression lol), choose the one thats "the easiest" to heal from and make the most of the situation: which is what yn is doing v well.

this girl lovesssssss her chicken, as she should llololol

"because it was truly none of their business. " WORD

heeseung saurrr nonchalant PLSSS

"

"and you were glad that it provided her some form of comfort because it seemed like she knew you were going to say that so she closed her eyes and gently placed her small hand over her heart." oh my sweet girl

"it was moments like this that made you question yourself as a mother. denying your daughter from someone who was half of her all because of your own selfish intention and pain that you aren’t able to heal from. " this, lets take a moment to talk about it. because its such a double edged sword, and at the end, everyone will be hurt one way or another. its all about choosing the lesser of two evils (i think thats the expression lol), choose the one thats "the easiest" to heal from and make the most of the situation: which is what yn is doing v well.

this girl lovesssssss her chicken, as she should llololol

"because it was truly none of their business. " WORD

heeseung saurrr nonchalant PLSSS

"

"and you were glad that it provided her some form of comfort because it seemed like she knew you were going to say that so she closed her eyes and gently placed her small hand over her heart." oh my sweet girl

"it was moments like this that made you question yourself as a mother. denying your daughter from someone who was half of her all because of your own selfish intention and pain that you aren’t able to heal from. " this, lets take a moment to talk about it. because its such a double edged sword, and at the end, everyone will be hurt one way or another. its all about choosing the lesser of two evils (i think thats the expression lol), choose the one thats "the easiest" to heal from and make the most of the situation: which is what yn is doing v well.

this girl lovesssssss her chicken, as she should llololol

"because it was truly none of their business. " WORD

heeseung saurrr nonchalant PLSSS

"he didn’t sleep, he cried almost everyday and he would try to write you letters even when he didn’t have an address to send them to. " oh ENOUGUHHH

"you’d tease him by saying, “eyes on the road” and talk about how you’ll crash if he keeps staring at you and he’d just respond by saying he would never hurt you or do anything that would put you in pain. " UGHHH STOP

63 hours on facetime is CRAZYYYYYYY

"you didn’t know how to act around heeseung anymore and felt like shielding yourself away from. " oh shes so cute

"you were a bit upset, especially because jay was the one that knew what happened with everything out of all of the people in your life. you made sure to bring this up to your cousin when you had the chance, keeping in mind that jay would get a piece of your mind about this. " as she should bc i was gonna sayyyy omg

wait does heeseung know shes his daughter??? oh i love this stop

"you couldn’t bring yourself to relive those moments where you felt the most alone, unwanted, and misunderstood person in the world. " my baby :(

stop hes so sweet :(((

omggg FLASHBACK

STOPPPP HES SO SOFT IM GONNA CRASHOUT

OHHHHH THE L WORD HEHEHHE

“heeseung, this is wrong.. what about your girl-” HIS GIRL??????? PAUSE

HIS EX GF?? ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

"leading you to believe that it was the only reason he felt so inclined to be with you. like you were just some rebound that heeseung knew would be waiting for him like a lost puppy who had been left at home all day, knowing that if he called out to you– you’d come running to him.  you were a rebound." you hear that???? thats the sound of my heart shattering

“less than ten minutes, my ass” LMAO I LOVE HER

HE TUCKED HER TO BED SHUT UPPPP

stoppppp my heart :(

"heeseung didn’t know what he had done that led you to breakup with him but he held onto this idea that you hated him ever since." STOP ITITITIGKJSGJSKRNGJKSRNG

“heejin’s birthday is in two weeks, you’re invited if you’d like to come.” and heeseung’s attitude changes, a bright smile spreading onto his face as your words ring like church bells in his ears." my cutie <3

wait so does heeseung know that heejin is his daughter?

they warm my heart sm

"seeing heeseung hug her back pulls at your heartstrings as you watch all of it unfold, an image in your head that you thought you’d never see." sobbing again

“you know.. not to be a conspiracy theorist but doesn’t heejin look like.. heeseung?” OHHHHH THE BOMB IS DROPPING

“thank you dad.” OH ENOUGH MY HEART IS ALREADY SO SMALL

CAN YOU TALK??? CAN YOU TALKkkKk,,,??? YES

“is she mine?” STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPP

"love should be forever and you were forever going to be loved by him. it was like love and forever was synonymous with you because to heeseung, loving you is forever." oh my goodness

kiki my love oh my gOD WHAT

the story building IM JUSTTTTTT TSTSOTSTOTPSTPSOTKPRJ UGH LEMME TAKE A BITE

loving you is forever ⋆˚ʚɞ

pairing: lee heeseung x reader 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ ♡

synopsis: after a one night stand leaves you with a lasting memory of the boy you left behind in the name of your daughter, heejin. you finally decide that it was time to move back home to south korea after living abroad for the last 5 years. reuniting with your old friends was everything you could've wished for as they welcomed you and your daughter; but you don't think you could ever prepare yourself to face the father of your child.

warnings: profanity, kissing, suggestive, mentions of hooking up/one night stands, drinking, characters are in their late 20s, absent father!heeseung (but its not his fault) implying that they didn't use a condom (wrap it up!!), overall 18+

genre: single mom!reader x heeseung, old friends to lovers, kind of exes to lovers, one night stand, angst, romance, drama, hurt/comfort, slow burn-ish

wc: 16558 (idk what happened i swear i blanked out writing this)

hoonieyun notes: she's finally here djfkd it took so long to finish this because i didn't want to rush it and feel like i just had to get it done to get it done. i really hope you all enjoyed this piece of work, i loved writing it and i just want to say: happy valentine's day!! you are all so deserving to be loved and surrounded by those who love you <3

the days of being in seoul, south korea felt just like yesterday when you were a college student awake at 3am eating a hot bowl of ramen after a long night of studying. ramen was your favorite thing back then but as you’ve gotten older, the days of being a broke college student turned into meticulous routine based days where all your focus went to raising your daughter, heejin. 

ramen was your favorite, past tense. 

you cut the habit of eating ramen so often because you needed to choose healthier options for yourself, setting an example for your daughter that although convenient and inexpensive, eating instant ramen so often wasn’t the healthiest for you. 

even though you were her mom, your daughter taught you a lot and you were constantly learning as you grew together. she taught you new habits that made living better like learning to take it easy and lounging around the house with your favorite snacks while watching your favorite show was the best way to clear your head and relax. 

you also learned that your previous lifestyle of putting others over yourself was something that would stay with you as you’d do anything for your daughter even if it meant that you sacrifice things that are meant for you if it means that your daughter would have what she wanted. 

the air when stepping outside of the airport is crisp, the snow has melted into a thin layer of water coating the ground and it’s slightly cold but nothing a puffer coat couldn’t fix. you looked over to your daughter who was fiddling with the zipper on her own puffer coat, “bambi, you have to keep your jacket on or you’ll get sick.” you softly tell your daughter as you crouch down to her level, zipping her coat back up and adjusting the hood of her hoodie that she had layered under. she pouts to herself but ultimately knows better than to argue because she knows mom is right and because she hates being sick. 

when heejin was 4 years old, she had gotten a cold for the first time and although she enjoyed being at home cuddled up under a fuzzy blanket with her favorite plush toy; she hated having a runny nose and being forced to take the yucky medicine, her words not yours– although you agree. 

your phone rings and karina’s contact photo lights up on the screen, “hi, yn! i’m here, what pick-up area are you at?” she asks on the other end of the phone, slightly louder than usual so you assume she’s yelling into her car’s built in phone call feature to avoid having to drive with her phone in her hand. you tell her that you’re at arrivals 12 and soon enough you can see karina driving up to you and heejin in her silver suv. karina is your best friend, sister even, you have known each other since you were little, even though she was only a few months older than you she was often that older sister you never had, guiding you through new experiences together and you just wished that when you grew up together, you realized sooner that she was also navigating those new experiences alongside you. 

“yn!! it’s been so long!!!” karina cheers as she steps out of her car, rounding the vehicle to give you a warm hug, rocking the two of you side to side as you wrap your own arms around her. “been too long.” she says, emphasizing the words like you were away for a long time. in a lot of ways you were. 5 years is a lot of time away from someone but to you those 5 years went by so much faster.

“is this heejin?” she asks, crouching down to your daughter so she can greet the child. “hi heejin, im aunt karina but you can call me rina, ok?” she says, softly shaking heejin’s small hand with two fingers. “hi auntie rina!” heejin says happily, throwing her hands into the air with a smile. 

your daughter was probably the most cheerful and joyful child you’ve ever met. she never threw fits, rarely cried after the age of 2, and was very social with strangers. flashing her cute smile that would instantly melt stranger’s hearts garnering you a, “such a cute baby!” every time they’d see her. 

karina stands back up straight and helps you pack your luggage into her trunk, “is this all you brought?” she asks and you explain that you didn’t want to pack too many things because moving with a lot of belongings would make it difficult. you had only flown with 4 suitcases and had 2 boxes shipped over from your old home. opting to only take what truly was important and other material things could simply just be repurchased. 

you and karina share another hug before strapping your daughter into her carseat and taking a seat into the passenger side of the car. you and karina catch up like no time has passed, acting like you two were only separated for a few days when in reality it was 5 years. of course the two of you spoke on the phone every now and then while you were abroad but the time difference interfered. 

“how was seattle? do you miss it already?” she asks and you have to think about the question. do you miss seattle? or were you happy to be back. 

“i'm not sure to be honest. i don’t think ive been away long enough to miss it yet.” you simply say and she nods, “well i know you must’ve seoul. i know we missed you.” she says, glancing over to you 

you smile at her remark and tell her that you’ve missed korea and her a lot. those 5 years in seattle went by fast because of your daughter but being away from all of your friends and even your parents was tough. you stayed with your aunt and uncle who lived in seattle who so kindly opened their home for you and 2 years after giving birth to heejin, you had enough saved up to get the two of you a small but perfect 1 bedroom apartment. it was enough for the two of you but to your daughter it was like she was living in a castle; and that’s all that mattered– knowing your daughter was happy. 

“you ok?” karina asks and you’re brought back to reality. “yeah, just reminiscing i guess.” you respond and karina chuckles. 

“don’t tell me you’re already thinking about going back? you can’t leave just yet, i’m not letting you go.” karina retorts and the two of you burst out into laughter. you reassure her that you weren’t going to leave korea any time soon and that you’d have ample amount of time together to catch up and make so many more memories. 

“plus, i’ve got 5 years to catch up with my favorite niece. right, heejin?” she asks, looking over to your daughter in the rearview mirror. “yes aunty rina!” heejin says cheerfully. you laugh at them both and give karina a funny look, “she’s your only niece dude.” you say and karina shrugs, “and? she’s still my favorite!”. 

the rest of the car ride is filled with more chit chatting and laughing, happy that the two of you are finally reunited and that you weren’t separated by thousands of miles. soon enough karina is pulling up to your home and she’s quite impressed. while living in the states you had saved enough money to purchase a beautiful home here in seoul. 

it’s not the biggest but it has everything you need for you and your daughter. it has 2 rooms and 2 bathrooms, an office space for your work, a big living room with enough space for your daughter to run around in and a backyard for the same reasons. you were happy to have gotten to this point in your life and you were so happy to have a life like this with your daughter. 

karina doesn’t stay long after dropping you off, only staying to help you bring in your things, and do a small tour of your home. “i promise i’ll come back tomorrow! i’ve just got some things i need to finish for work.” she explains and you let her know that it’s fine and thank her endlessly for picking up you and your daughter from the airport. you and heejin wave her goodbye as she drives away. 

you walk back inside still carrying heejin on your hip. “alright, bambi. it’s just you and me, and our new home.” you say softly and heejin smiles at you. 

“just you and me mama!” she says and it makes you smile as you nuzzle your nose with hers. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

the next few days are filled with unpacking boxes, waiting for deliveries of furniture and food, and exploring the neighborhood and town. your car was delivered on your 2nd day back in seoul so thankfully you didn’t have to wait around at home or feel guilty of asking karina to drive you around places since she had her own fair share of responsibilities. 

your other friends have asked you when they could come visit, especially your cousin; jay– who said, “i can’t believe you let karina see my niece and she’s not even blood!” when he found out karina met your daughter before your cousin. 

karina was like your sister but jay was actually blood. jay is your cousin on your mom’s side and you had stayed with his parents while living in seattle until you were able to get a place of your own. he’s a few years younger than you but he was always the wiser of the two of you; he was like the angel on the shoulder of life while you were the devil– however you weren’t evil… just chaotic. 

you, jay, and karina all grew up together so you all had a bond that's unbreakable. people often made comments about how jay was the gentleman he is because of all the women he grew up around and you’d agree. he was the kindest and most mature boy you know and even when he loosened up a bit and got chaotic like you, he was always the level-headed and mature jongseong at the end of the day. 

when you would sneak out with boys in high school, jay would cover for you. 

when you got in trouble for getting a C- on your chemistry exam, jay vouched for you and said that the chemistry teacher at your high school was sexist and punished all the girls in the class. 

when you found out you were pregnant, jay was the first person you called and was right by your side every step of the way up until you were boarding the plane to seattle. 

jay was your rock and you wished he was your brother but a cousin would suffice just as long as he was always there for you. 

you’re about 90% moving into your new home, the last thing that needs to be completed was just tossing out all of the trash and recycling that has accumulated from all of the items you bought or takeout that you’ve been getting so you didn’t have to worry about cooking for the first week of moving back. 

you’ve invited jay over for dinner after he’s insisted on cooking dinner for you and your daughter, claiming that he wants to make a good impression on his niece so he wasn’t necessarily going to take no as an answer, and honestly– a home cooked meal by jay sounded nice. he was a great cook, excellent even, you? not so much. 

you knew how to cook a variety of things but most of it was out of convenience so that you weren’t always eating takeout. your daughter was simple when it came to her taste buds and favorite foods, 80% of the time she just wants to eat chicken and thankfully she doesn’t complain much about having to eat vegetables. however, never brussel sprouts. she hates brussel sprouts. 

it’s around 5PM when you’ve finished putting all of your trash bags outside, giving you just a half hour to freshen up your daughter and you before jay would be arriving. he felt apologetic for not being able to help you move in but you told him that he had nothing to feel sorry for and that you knew he had a busy schedule ever since he took over his dad’s company at the beginning of the year. jay’s dad owned a construction company in seoul and although jay had different passions like music and fashion, he was the type of child to never refuse his parent’s wishes and eventually accepted that he would become the owner when he grew up so there was no point in arguing with his dad. 

he was an only child so it was hard not to feel bad for him and see that he had so many things he wanted to do for his life but was often shortsighted and left responsible for whatever his parents wanted because he was their only child. 

that was probably why you often felt like you needed to bring jay out of shell and loosen up a bit. being so caught up with the responsibilities he had at home, you wanted to make sure that he still had fun as a teenager because his life as an adult was already planned out for him. 

when jay turned 16 you spent all of your christmas money on a guitar he had been talking about for months. jay rarely cried but you remember the pure joy and gratitude in his eyes when he unwrapped the box and saw the familiar leather case he had seen so many times at the guitar shop. you swore you could see his eyes glow from excitement when he unclasped the guitar case and finally saw the instrument on the inside. the fender eric clapton stratocaster electric guitar shined onto his face and you’d never forget the smile on his face as he set aside the guitar next to him so he could get up and give you a hug. telling you how grateful he was and that no one would know how much that gift meant to him besides you. 

after changing yourself and your daughter into a fresh pair of clothes, jay was ringing your doorbell. he barely greets you when you answer the door, placing the bags of ingredients into your arms when you open them for a hug and instead he runs into your home to scoop up his niece into his arms. 

“jinjin!” jay says as he carries her above his head. a nickname they both came up with whenever they’d facetime. 

“uncle jayjay!” she says, giggling at him as he gently tossed her into the air and hugged each other. “yeah i’m here too y’know!” you say, narrowing your eyes at your cousin as you put the bag of groceries down onto your kitchen counter. 

“yn-ieee!!” jay says, setting your daughter down onto the counter next to the groceries and giving you a hug of your own. “been so long cousin!” he says and you hum in agreement. 

“well it’s not like you couldn’t come visit me in seattle!” you say teasingly and jay rolls his eyes, “oh, please! you wouldn’t even let me no matter how hard i tried– plus you know how busy i got after dad passed over the company.” he says and although he didn’t mean it in that way, you felt a slight tinge of guilt. 

“i know, i know jong, just teasing. i missed you.” you say, hugging him again but this time ruffling his hair like you used to do when you were younger. 

“so what’s on the menu today, chef?” you ask as you help him unpack the groceries. 

“yeah, uncle. jinjin hungry!” your daughter says and you and your cousin laugh at your daughter’s remark. as she’s gotten older and has begun watching toddler shows, she’s picked up on their habits of speaking in 3rd person. 

“well, jinjin. uncle jayjay is going to make you ravioli and meatballs. sound good?” he asks, staring at your daughter with a box of ravioli pasta in his hand. 

“ravioli?” she asks and jay nods.

“right, you’re 5; you don’t know what that is.” he mutters and you just chuckle. 

“come on, heejin. why don’t we set up the table while uncle cooks, hmm?” you ask and she nods eagerly– always excited to be a part of the activity in some way or another just as long as she’s included. 

“i want the pink plate!” heejin says as she raises her arms so you could pick her up off the counter and set her on the ground. while you and heejin were at ikea shopping for home supplies, she saw a pink plate with the face of a pig on the top and the tail on the bottom and just had to have it. and honestly, your daughter looked so cute looking at it that you couldn’t say no. as a matter of fact, the plate wasn’t even very expensive and it was cute so it wasn’t a hard decision to say yes. 

jay doesn’t take long to finish cooking dinner; knowing to choose something quick and easy to make so that he could feed the two of you and so he could have ample time to hang out with his niece. 

needless to say, heejin loved the ravioli and was completely baffled at how they got the cheese inside of the pasta– constantly asking jay how they did it as if it was some sort of magical spell to create a ravioli. 

after dinner is over and your daughter insists on dessert, the three of you enjoy some ice cream even though it’s still winter and with jay’s help in convincing you because “ice cream tastes good in every season”. you offered to wash the dishes since jay cooked you dinner and although he insisted on washing the dishes, you told him that it was okay since he could spend more time with his niece instead– to which he didn’t argue. 

the rest of the night was filled with giggles as jay got to hang out with his niece outside of a phone screen. learning so much about her and how similar he was to you. he even got the opportunity to put her to bed when she got sleepy after watching bambi, her favorite movie. 

“bambi, huh?” he asks after the two of you quietly slip out of her bedroom.

“yes… bambi. it’s her favorite movie so i nicknamed her bambi…” you respond, trying to avoid his stare. 

“no other reason?” he asks and you shoot him a glare. “alright alright. i’ll drop it. it’s a cute nickname anyway.” he confesses and you mutter a small thank you, thankful that he’s not prying any longer. 

“i know, she’s cute like a baby deer, what can i say?” 

you and jay find your way into the kitchen, putting away the dishes from the dishwasher and beginning a new topic of conversation. 

“does everyone know you’re back?” jay asks genuinely, not intending to allude to a certain person from your past. 

“yeah, karina and ningning know. i spoke to jake and hoon yesterday and i told them i’d come up with a day they could all come over for dinner.” you explain. 

you had a close friend group going into college. you, karina, and jay all grew up together and early during college you had met ningning, jake, sunghoon, and another… friend. 

the seven of you were inseparable and were always together despite having completely different college majors. you, ningning, and karina all moved in together for the last half of your college career while the guys did the same. you’re all older now and have all of your own lives but most of them kept in touch with you after you decided to move away all of a sudden. 

opting to not ask questions out of respect but always making sure to check up on you every once in a while. 

“should i reopen the groupchat? haven’t seen the silly seven back together in a while.” and just as fast as the words leave his mouth, jay regrets it just as fast. he notices you tense up a bit as you’re putting some dishes away into the cupboard and he realizes he’s made a mistake bringing up your original seven friend group. a certain member becomes a tainted memory inside of your heart that you wished to not remember but are forced to remember in the most endearing and loving way. 

someone you wished you could leave in the past but you’re glad you chose not to as the memory continues to live through your daughter. 

“um, i’ll let you know. i’ve got some things i need to finish up before i start reuniting fully with everyone– plus i still need to get heejin caught up on all of her medical stuff for school so…” you begin to say and jay catches on. 

“ahh, don’t worry about it! just got a bit excited to see everyone back together again. i’ll look forward to it when it comes.” jay says, softly rubbing your back and offering you a smile that you return. 

“thanks jay…” you mutter quietly as you try to avoid his gaze. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

after three weeks of being back home in korea, you’ve finally gotten somewhat of a routine down as you’ve settled into your new home and neighborhood. you’ve got pretty accustomed to being back in korea and although it’s only been five years since the last time you were here; a lot has changed within those five years. 

you’d wake up on weekdays around 6am to get your day started, making breakfast and your daughter's school lunch before you woke her up at 7am to get her ready for school. she hadn’t started school yet back in the states so you wanted to ensure that you enrolled her into school once you had settled into your home. 

she was surprisingly excited to start school and make new friends. her favorite part of kindergarten so far was break time when she and her classmates would spend 30 minutes a day at the playground. she’d come home with unruly hair opposite of the sleek bun or pigtails she had previously had when you dropped her off. 

when your daughter was at school you’d spend the day cleaning around the home, finishing up the last parts of your move that had to do with papers and legal stuff, and would spend the rest of the time before your daughter got off school to run errands like going to the market or getting used to driving around your neighborhood. 

it's about an hour before your daughter is off of school so you decide to quickly freshen up before heading over to pick her up. 

today, you had plans to have an early dinner with karina as you hadn’t seen her since you had gotten there so it was due time to catch up now that you’ve settled in for the most part. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

“where are we going, mama?” heejin asks as you help her into her car seat. “getting dinner with auntie rina, remember?” you remind your daughter and she cheers, excited that she gets to see her auntie rina again. 

“why are we eating early? i want chicken!” she says and you just chuckle at her. “ok, i’ll get you chicken, ok?” you say, kissing your thumb and putting it towards her and your daughter does the same, connecting your thumbs, at the same time the two of you turn your hands 180 degrees with your thumbs pointing downwards so that your hands make the shape of a heart.

it was a small gesture the two of you did, a small way to be connected with your daughter through a special handshake between mother and daughter. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

dinner was filled with laughter as you watched your daughter and karina bond over chicken, your daughter having the time of her life with all of the different flavors of chicken; her favorite being the cheese flavored one. 

“so, when are we getting the gang back together?” karina asks as she places another piece of chicken on heejin’s plate, the both of you watching your daughter pick up the piece of chicken and munch on it like her life depended on it. you tried to tiptoe around her question, afraid that it would only lead to the inevitable that you were constantly postponing. 

karina waves her hand in front of your face as she realizes you’ve somewhat spaced out and reiterates her question, “um.. i’m not sure. i really want to see everyone but you know..” your voice getting quiet at the end of your sentence as you realize only jay, your cousin, knew who heejin’s father was. 

your friends knew of your longtime crush on heeseung when you were all in college and all somewhat knew that you’ve avoided him because of some reason that you haven’t told them. there were theories amongst the friends of why you no longer spoke to heeseung but only jay knew the reason. your friends didn’t want to pry but curiosity always filled their minds whenever they would think about you or see the photos you posted online of you and your daughter. with all of the theories they came up with, no one seemed to put together the most obvious reason and you’d rather keep that way. 

it wasn’t that you didn’t want any of them to know, you just weren’t ready for them to know and aren’t entirely sure when you’d be ready. karina noticed your shift in behavior with her question and chose to ask any more questions. the rest of the dinner was karina giving you suggestions on things you and your daughter could do like activities, sports and extracurriculars, and whatnot. 

“i’ll see you soon, ok?” karina says while giving your daughter a warm hug. the two of you bid each other goodbye and go your separate ways. karina’s question weighs on your mind heavily as you drive home, thinking about how long you could keep this a secret from your friends and also hide the fact that you were back in town from heeseung who just seemed to constantly be on your mind since you’ve arrived back in korea. 

a part of you wanted to see him, you missed him so much, the way he made you laugh, the way he knew you so well that he used to always bring you breakfast during your 8am lectures because you loved to sleep in until the last minute so you never ate breakfast, the way he knew when you were sad, the way he knew you were uncomfortable, everything. 

he knew you so well but that night, that unfortunate night, it seemed that he was the person that knew you the least in the world. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

a few days after your dinner with karina and some encouragement from jay, you finally decided to send out invites to all of your friends to come over for dinner. your place was getting to a point where it was feeling like home and you wanted your daughter to meet some of the most important people in your life. you obviously weren’t going to invite heeseung but you thought about it and you quickly found yourself shutting down that idea. 

“hi guys! please let me know if you’re free this saturday around 6pm! i’d love for all of you to come over for dinner and meet heejin! if it’s okay could you all bring a small dish? heejin isn’t picky but she is allergic to fish so keep that in mind. she’s very excited to meet her uncles and aunties!”

karina: i’m always free for you! minjeong: i’ll bring the chicken hehe jake: lets goo!! can’t wait to meet little yn! sunghoon: i already know i’m gonna be her favorite uncle jay: yeah right i’m her favorite already, nice try bro

all of their responses made you smile and for once you weren’t stricken with the anxiety of the past and how all of this could crumble down onto you– but you were dedicated to not letting that happen. you missed your friends dearly and being surrounded by your loved ones you haven’t seen in years was long overdue. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

friday rolls around a lot sooner than you expected, which you didn’t mind because it was all you were looking forward to after spending the weekdays trying your best not to spiral. you were constantly thinking about what would happen if they brought up heeseung or if he miraculously showed up unannounced and uninvited. you made several dishes as the main course and set up your kitchen so that everyone could eat buffet style. 

there were rolls of kimbap that your daughter helped you prepare, tofu stew simmering low on the stove to keep it warm, and other food that you knew your friends and your daughter loved. 

as the day went by and the time that your friends would all slowly start arriving would come, you noticed that heejin seemed to be antsy. like something was bothering her, she was constantly squirming around unable to find a comfortable seat at the dinner table, the couch, or even her favorite bean bag chair designed to look like a peach. she was fidgeting with the hem of her dress so much to the point that she had pulled a loose thread, causing the dress to tear. you were more worried than upset, it was just a piece of fabric it didn’t matter if it broke, although you did keep a mental note not to buy from that store again; so you sat her down to talk about it. 

“bambi.. what’s wrong?” you asked her as you helped her change into new clothes, something she had chosen and although it was more casual than the previous attire she had on; she was way more comfortable in it. she shook her head with a pout, indicating she either didn’t want to talk about it or that there wasn’t anything wrong– and considering her actions moments ago, it was the latter. 

“you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong but just know mommy is here for you ok? i don’t want my little bambi to be sad or upset and feel like she can’t talk to mom about her problems..” you told her softly, fixing her hair as it had gotten slightly messed up while you dressed your daughter. heejin was everything to you, she was your life and blood, she was your light and you’d be damned if you ever made your daughter feel like she couldn’t fully be herself or come to her own mother to help her fix her problems. 

even though heejin was still young, you made sure to make an emphasis on communication with your daughter, teaching her to articulate her feelings and emotions in a way that was healthy to her and those around her– and for the most part, she did that. she often told you if she was uncomfortable or if she was feeling upset about something as small as her socks making her feel itchy– but right now; she wasn’t communicating to you why she was acting the way she was and it left you stumped. 

you weren’t necessarily sure how to go about it. you didn’t want to pressure your daughter to tell you what was wrong but the mother inside of you couldn’t continue without knowing what was bothering your daughter and how you could alleviate her troubles. “are you ok, heejin?” you ask and she once again shakes her head. 

“can you tell mom what’s bothering you?” you asked, lightly patting your daughter's head as you finished doing her hair. 

she looks up at you with her big doe eyes and for a second you see the uncanny resemblance of her and her father. “mama, who is my dad?” the question comes as a shock to you because although she had asked before, she’s never let the absence of her father trouble her the way it has now. your mouth slightly opens at her question but you quickly recollect yourself so she doesn’t notice your demeanor falter, afraid that your expression could cause her more worry if she was to realize how you reacted to her question. 

you so desperately wanted to comfort your daughter, tell her everything you knew about her father and how he lived only miles away; but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. it may seem selfish, and it was, but you simply weren’t ready to have that conversation with your daughter. even if it broke your heart to see her pleading eyes begging you for a single crumb of information on her dad, you couldn’t do it. it caused you an immense amount of pain to deny your daughter something she seemed to want so badly. 

“bambi, why the sudden interest?” you ask and she goes on to explain that when she was waiting to get picked up from school that day, she saw all of her classmates getting picked up by their dads and it got her thinking of her own, more specifically, the absence of her own father. 

your heart broke even more at her words but you chose to give her the answer that you’ve given her several other times she asked in the past. 

“bambi, your papa may not be here but he’s always in your heart, ok?” and you were glad that it provided her some form of comfort because it seemed like she knew you were going to say that so she closed her eyes and gently placed her small hand over her heart. it was moments like this that made you question yourself as a mother. denying your daughter from someone who was half of her all because of your own selfish intention and pain that you aren’t able to heal from. 

the two of you share another tender moment as you engulf your daughter into your arms for a warm embrace and try your best to get her to smile, which was fairly easy as your daughter was very ticklish. 

just in time, your doorbell rings indicating that some of your friends have arrived so you decide to carry your daughter to your front door to greet everyone. you gently rub her back to further soothe her worries, hoping that the emotional and vulnerable moment the two of you just shared didn’t cause her anymore worries despite the fact that she still had that longing look in her eyes. waiting for the day she could get the answer she was looking for and the day she’d get to meet her dad. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

you’re carrying your daughter in your arms as you open the door to welcome your friends and all of their eyes light up at the sight of you and your daughter. one by one they file inside of your home with a dish in their hands, greeting you and heejin with bright warm smiles. you return with a smile of your own as heejin waves at the strangers entering your home who she will grow to learn are the aunts and uncles that would love her and support her as she grows older. 

once everyone has gotten inside, you point to where they could all settle the dishes they brought and soon enough you’re setting heejin down to introduce her to everyone. 

“heejin, you know auntie karina and uncle jay, right?” you ask her while you crouch down to her, she nods her head in agreement, slightly shy as she still doesn’t know the several other people in the room. 

“this is uncle jake, he has a really big puppy, you like puppies right?” and once again she’s nodding but this time with a smile as she gets excited at the mention of  a dog. when heejin started to learn how to speak, one of the first words she spoke was “dog” and would later on constantly ask you to get her dog when she learned how to form full sentences. 

“heejin, i’ll introduce you to my dog, ok?” jake says with a smile and she cheers, happy that she finally gets to play with a dog since you wouldn’t let her get one of her own. 

“this one is auntie minjeong, can you say hi to her?” you ask and heejin shyly waves her hand and when minjeong waves back and asks if she can have a high five, heejin gives her one excitedly as you’ve taught her that high fives were a gesture of encouragement and sharing a high five with a friend was a good thing so she instantly felt happy when minjeong asked for one, already identifying her auntie minjeong as a friend. 

lastly, you point to sunghoon, “that’s uncle sunghoon, you like the snow right? uncle sunghoon is really good at ice skating.” you explain and her eyes and mouth widen at the thought of ice skating. “ice skating? do you make snow angels?” she asks and it causes the lot of you to laugh; to which sunghoon nods and tells her that he’ll teach her how to make some of her own. 

introductions go very well and heejin is calling everyone auntie and uncle in no time, opening up and breaking out of her shyness once she chats with your best friends some more as she tries all of the food they’ve brought. 

“yn, all this food is amazing by the way but you should’ve let us help more or at least bring more food so you didn’t have to cook so much!” minjeong says as she’s putting away her dish into your sink. 

“yeah, yn. this is delicious but next time let us take care of all of it okay? we’ll be sure to bring all the food that heejin likes. heejin, what’s your favorite food?” jake asks her and she cutely raises the chicken wing in her hand and shouts chicken and once again the room is filled with laughter because of your daughter’s cuteness. you were so happy to see your daughter being accepted by everyone, not necessarily because you thought they wouldn’t but because for the time that you’ve been gone; you were afraid that this drastic change in your life would affect the dynamic between you and your friends. 

but it didn’t. 

at least not completely. 

jake is slurping on his noodles when he suddenly says, “yo, heeseung brought me these noodles one time; it was so good we should all go some time.” and at the mention of heeseung’s name you’re almost frozen in your spot at the table. 

the room is instantly silent when they notice your attitude shift after hearing heeseung’s name. no one besides jay really knows what happened between the two of you and even then you’ve left out certain details from the story because you couldn’t bear to relive the pain from that night just so that someone could fully understand why you did what you did. 

sunghoon shoves jake lightly at his careless action and he soon realizes why the room had fallen silent, he glances over at you with an apologetic look followed by a string of apologies, “i’m so sorry, yn. i shouldn’t have brought him up- i wasn’t thinking.” jake says and you shake your head explaining that it was okay and that he had nothing to apologize for. 

“it’s fine, jake. he and i just don’t talk anymore.” you leave it at that and everyone chooses not to pry because it was truly none of their business. 

before the night ends you all take a group photo with heejin in the middle, you decided to have her sit on your shoulders as your friends crowd around her with warm smiles that could be felt through the photo. you were so happy to see the happiness radiate through the image that you didn’t necessarily care that all of your friends were quick to post that photo, the possibility of heeseung seeing it nowhere in your mind because you were more focused on the love that your friends were giving you and your daughter. 

you bid goodbye to your friends but not before you pack them their own little containers with leftovers because it was way more than what you and your daughter could finish alone. heejin happily waved goodbye to her aunties and uncles and had long forgotten about the sad moment the two of you shared before this dinner. 

she was so happy to meet them and to her they were all just her friends. your friends are equally as happy to meet your daughter and be a part of her life and yours again. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

on the other side of the city, heeseung is scrolling through his social media alone in his bed when he scrolls past the group photo you all took on several accounts. a pang of jealousy budding in his chest as he sees you in the center, happily carrying your daughter on your shoulders. 

heeseung couldn’t help but feel left out but all he could think about was why you hadn’t let him know you were back in town after disappearing for the last five years? 

so, he does what he thinks is right and opens the groupchat he has with the boys. 

“yo, you guys free tomorrow? wanna grab lunch?” heeseung taps into his phone and presses send and in a few minutes, sunghoon, jay, and jake are all responding to heeseung’s text. 

they all coordinate a plan to have lunch the next day. heeseung plans to let it come naturally, bring you up as smoothly as he can without coming off like he wanted to hang out with the guys just to find out information about you. 

but he knew deep down that he was going to get the information he needed one way or the other. 

even if it made him feel crazy because love makes you do crazy things. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

when the next day rolls around and heeseung is making his way to lunch, he realizes that his dreams that night were filled with one thing: you. 

he dreamt about all the ways he wanted to make up for lost time, he dreamt of past memories, he dreamt of you and he slept soundly knowing that you were so happy in his dreams. only hoping that he could make you as happy in real life like how you were in his dreams. 

you were truly the girl of his dreams and now that you were back; he wasn’t going to let you go so easily like last time. 

“whats up guys!” heeseung says as he walks over to the guys who had gotten a table for the four of them. they were all browsing the menu when heeseung arrived and they all did their usual greetings, asking how one another was and all of the normal things. 

they soon order food and jay could tell that heeseung was a bit antsy, sending glances over to jake and sunghoon with a gesture to look at heeseung and they do; realizing his leg hasn’t stopped bouncing since he sat down and he was chewing on his nails– something that he’s never done in the past. 

heeseung could no longer wait, he just had to ask about you even if it made the air between all of them awkward. “so..” he begins and jay cuts him off before he could finish. 

“heeseung, i know you’re going to ask about yn.” jay says and heeseung stops in the middle of his sentence, his mouth slightly ajar as those words leave jay’s mouth. he’s shocked that they knew, was he being less subtle than he thought? or was he just that predictable. 

heeseung and you were inseparable when you were younger, you couldn’t take one without the other coming along, the true meaning of  a package deal. but when you left, heeseung was left with so many questions, none of which could be answered by you as you cut off communication with him completely. 

the rest of lunch consists of the guys informing heeseung about you, small details that they thought you’d be comfortable with sharing with heeseung, and although heeseung wanted to learn more; he was happy to learn anything new about you since you’ve been gone for the last five years. 

they could tell that heeseung’s love for you never died or diminished in any way possible. when you first left, heeseung was a wreck and if they didn’t think he loved you then; his reaction to you leaving solidified that. he didn’t sleep, he cried almost everyday and he would try to write you letters even when he didn’t have an address to send them to. 

it wasn’t until about a year after you had left that heeseung started to somewhat go back to normal. he stopped moping around and he returned to the heeseung all of your friends once knew. but deep down, he and all your friends knew that he would never be the same without you in his life. he threw himself into his work and other priorities to distract himself so he didn’t have to think about you but in the end, it always came back to you. 

he’d be walking on the street and would pass by your favorite restaurant and he’d think about you. 

a song would play and he’d be reminded about all of the times you two would dance and sing along to it. 

he’d see a cloud shaped like an animal in the sky and would remember all of the times you two would spend hours laying on the grass and spotting clouds shaped like whatever your mind could identify it as. 

everything he saw reminded him of you and although it hurt him to think about you, thinking about you was the only thing keeping you close to him when you were unknowingly so far away. 

when the four of them part ways from lunch, jay pulls heeseung aside for a quick chat before he leaves, “hey, i shouldn’t tell you this but…” jay says, whispering something to heeseung and sending him a text. heeseung’s eyes widen at the text and he’s instantly bringing jay into a hug, thanking him for whatever it was jay had told him. 

“yeah, yeah.. don’t make me regret this, she is my cousin; i’ll beat your ass if you fuck this up.” he warns and although he was slightly joking; jay was speaking with some truth because he knew how much all of this affected two people that were so important in his life. 

heeseung slept with a smile on his face later that night, not only because he was excited to be able to see you in his dreams again, but also because of what he had planned for tomorrow morning. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

“heejin! let’s go, bambi!” you call for your daughter as you slide your shoes on. heejin appears with her backpack dragging behind her, taking a seat next to you so she can put her shoes on to which you help her. you’re about to bring her to school, glancing at the clock near your front door when you realize you’ve only got 20 minutes to get her there. 

when you open the door, however, you’re met with a face that you hadn’t prepared yourself to see, at least not for a long time from now. 

“heeseung?” you ask as you look at him, standing at your front door with a smile on his face, flowers in his hand, and eyes as bright as they were when the two of you first met. 

“hi, yn.. long time no see.” heeseung responds, a sheepish grin on his face as he’s finally able to see you for the first time in five years. “sorry, i need to take heejin to school.” you explain, slightly moving him out of the way to lock the door and make your way to your car. 

“let me take you?” he offers and although a part of you wants to deny, you know that heeseung has always been stubborn and that if you were to try to decline; the two of you would just be going back and forth and before you know it, heejin would be late to school. 

so, you reluctantly accept his offer; quickly grabbing her carseat from your car and setting her up in the back of heeseung’s car. “mama, who is he?” heejin asks and you explain that he’s just a friend. “how come he didn’t come to dinner?” heejin continues with another question and you answer with something dismissive and tell her he was just busy. 

“ready to go? don’t want her to be late.” heeseung says and you look over at him and he’s still got that smile on his face like he knew exactly what he was doing and was happy that you were going along with it. you give him a tight lipped smile as you place a kiss onto heejin’s forehead before taking your seat at the front passenger seat next to heeseung. 

in the past whenever you two were in a car it would always be you in the front next to him because he trusted you the most with directions and music but mostly because he loved being able to see you next to him.  it was such a simple and innocent thing to be so close to you even if you were just sitting next to him but it never failed to make his heart race whenever you would look over at him, catching him staring at you when he needed to be focusing on the road. 

you’d tease him by saying, “eyes on the road” and talk about how you’ll crash if he keeps staring at you and he’d just respond by saying he would never hurt you or do anything that would put you in pain. 

heeseung tried to keep that promise and broke it without even knowing that he did. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

“bye heejin, have a good day ok?” you send your daughter off to school, watching her small figure skip away as she waves and greets the friends she sees as she walks into school. “she’s adorable.” heeseung says as you turn towards him. a part of you slightly forgetting that he was there because all of your focus was set on your daughter. 

“thanks.” you mutter, barely above a whisper. 

“wanna grab breakfast? my treat.” heeseung asks, a cheesy grin on his face as if he’s using his smile as a way to convince you to say yes; it worked… just a little bit. 

“fine.” you say while rolling your eyes, a part of you only saying yes because you had nothing better to do and he was the one that drove. the car ride was silent, filled with awkward tension as you couldn’t get comfortable in your seat knowing that you haven’t seen heeseung in five years and had no idea where this was going to go. would everything be the way it was before you left? or would it be filled with boiling tension that would eventually blow up. 

heeseung was fiddling with the steering wheel, tapping on the leather of the wheel, messing around with the car compartments, and constantly clearing his throat to drown out the silence that was so loud. 

“so… how’ve you been?” heeseung asks, slightly looking over at you as if he was suddenly nervous to make eye contact, fearing for how you’d react. 

“okay.. yeah i’ve been ok.” keeping your answer short so that you didn’t end up saying more than you wanted. you weren’t sure how comfortable you’d become with heeseung, someone who you once would’ve associated with the word “comfort” now was more closely aligned with “unknown”. 

“thats- thats good..” heeseung stutters. 

he doesn’t ask any further questions after he’s taken notice that you weren’t inclined for small talk or maybe just talking to him in general. which he couldn’t blame you for, you haven’t seen each other in five years and he understood that things were a lot different than before. 

you and heeseung used to be able to talk about anything and everything, whenever one of you or both would be stressed; you’d just talk for hours about anything to distract yourselves from whatever was troubling your minds. one time the two of you had even spent 63 hours on facetime, uninterrupted because you were both away from each other for the first time and couldn’t stand being that far away. 

the two of you were only separated for a weekend but it was too long for either of you. 

“order anything you want, ok?” heeseung says as he looks at the menu, browsing for what he wants to eat. you mirror his actions but you lift the menu a bit higher to cover your face because you were a bit shy. you didn’t know how to act around heeseung anymore and felt like shielding yourself away from. 

“are you two ready to order?” the waitress asks and quickly jots down your order, coming back momentarily to drop off your drinks and returning about 20 minutes later with the food you had ordered. heeseung had ordered ramen for breakfast, it came on a small personal burner so that it remained hot as he ate. you slightly smile to yourself, trying your best to hide it because this habit of heeseung hasn't changed in that aspect. 

heeseung always loved ramen, it's his favorite. 

you had just gotten rice with some grilled meat and a fried egg, something simple but delicious. heeseung is busy slurping on his noodles when you decide to break the silence, “how did you find me, heeseung?” you ask, causing heeseung to choke a bit on his food at the random question. 

he quickly apologizes, grabbing a tissue to wipe his mouth before responding, “oh, yeah about that. don’t be mad but jay told me. it’s not his fault though, i practically begged him.” heeseung says, eye widening as if to prevent you from getting upset that jay had given heeseung your address without permission. 

you were a bit upset, especially because jay was the one that knew what happened with everything out of all of the people in your life. you made sure to bring this up to your cousin when you had the chance, keeping in mind that jay would get a piece of your mind about this. 

the rest of the breakfast was filled with the same awkward tension as you two ate your food in silence, every once in a while asking each other questions for some small talk but nothing that the two of you talked about did anything to cut through the awkwardness. when you and heeseung finished eating, he kept his word about taking care of the bill, and although you wouldn’t have cared if he didn’t, it was nice because it felt just like old times. 

back in college, when you and heeseung were little broke college kids; he always paid no matter what it was. a late night snack? heeseung paid. you were craving boba? heeseung paid. it was your birthday? heeseung paid. even when it wasn’t food, heeseung paid because he loved taking care of you even in small matters like paying for your things. 

a sign you should’ve seen sooner that heeseung saw you as more than just a friend. 

“thanks for breakfast and dropping off heejin at school. have a good day, heeseung.” you say while exiting his car. you’re startled by heeseung’s sudden action when he shouts when and runs out of the car and around to your side, you give him a confused look from inside of the car as you watch him. heeseung closes your door and reopens it for you, “madam.” he says, while gesturing with his hand and a slight bow. 

you couldn’t help but laugh but when heeseung raises his head to look at you, your expression instantly changes because you didn’t want to give heeseung the satisfaction that you found it amusing. you were still upset at heeseung for something of the past and although it’s been harbored inside of you for years on end, you couldn’t help but feel it slowly rising back to the top ever since you had returned to korea. 

heeseung walks slowly behind you as you make your way to the front door like a lost puppy and when you get to unlocking your door,  he clears his throat, gaining your attention. 

“look… i know we haven’t spoken or seen each other in years, but i’m not going to act like it wasn’t the hardest five years of my life. you kind of just disappeared without explanation and when i tried to reach out… i didn’t hear back. 

i had even asked our friends and they didn’t have anything to tell me, i mean- i knew jay would’ve known because he’s your cousin but he didn’t tell me anything. 

can we please just talk?” heeseung was rambling and you felt bad because you could tell he was a bit anxious and probably rehearsed this in his head. 

“yn.. i missed you so much and i tried to practice what i wanted to say to you when i saw you again but i’ve just thrown that all out the window. 

say something..? please?” and you could feel yourself slowly falling back into that old familiar place. the one where you could look into heeseung’s eyes and you could tell how he was really feeling even if he tried to mask it with his rambling. 

“heeseung, why don’t you come inside and then we can talk… not out here..” you said with a chuckle and heeseung eagerly nods, a smile on his lips at the invitation into your home, a stepping stone back into your life. 

you don’t know where this conversation was going earlier and now that it’s almost been two hours since you saw heeseung again, you still didn’t know what to expect. 

“can i get you something to drink?” you ask and he lets you know that water is fine so after a few minutes, you return to find heeseung standing in your living room, admiring the photos you framed of yourself and your daughter. 

“you guys look so happy.” heeseung comments as he joins you on the couch, setting the two cups of water in front of the two of you. “heeseung.. i don’t know what to say to be honest. there’s a lot i’ve wanted to say to you and over the last five years, i’ve only wanted to say more. 

i didn’t mean to disappear i just-”

“then why? why did you leave?” heeseung says, interrupting you and his eyes have transitioned into one that expressed that he was pleading, begging, and waiting for an answer from you. an answer that he had been waiting for since the day you left. 

on the other hand, you were too. you had so many questions for heeseung but you knew that you couldn’t get answers without having to answer any of heeseung’s questions. you weren’t sure how to answer heeseung. you wanted to be honest and tell him the full truth but you didn’t even know if you were ready to face that. 

it was five years ago but now, sitting in front of heeseung as he looked at you with tears threatening to fall from his eyes, you couldn’t bring yourself to relive those moments where you felt the most alone, unwanted, and misunderstood person in the world. 

you stuttered to answer and the longer you thought about the more complicated it became in your head. your breathing started to become heavy and your eyes were constantly blinking. you couldn’t look at heeseung any longer because it made you feel uneasy and nauseous, the anxiety of this moment having built up inside of you for so long that now that it was all happening, it was corroding the stability you had worked so hard to build in your head. 

“are you ok, yn?” heeseung asked and his voice sounded muffled to you and as he scooted closer, the image of heeseung in your vision blurred and doubled like he was a mirage. you were starting to get light headed and that was when you knew that you were going to faint, the anxiety had taken over your brain and before you knew it your eyes were fluttering closed and heeseung was catching you in his arms before your body could fall over onto the coffee table. 

heeseung catches you instantly when you notice your body start to go limp, rocking back and forth. he wasn’t sure what happened but something must’ve been bothering you so much that you had fainted in his arms. heeseung tries his best to gently position you onto your couch in a comfortable position, moving your legs into place and softly setting your head on the armrest with a pillow propped up under. 

he admired your sleeping figure and if it wasn’t for the fact that you had fainted, he probably would’ve found this moment cute. it reminded him of the first time heeseung had realized he liked you more than he thought he did. the two of you had gotten very drunk one night after failing your economics exam and you had a habit of getting sleepy when drinking. 

you were in the middle of talking when your head started to get wobbly and your eyelids had become heavy and before you knew it; you were falling asleep next to heeseung; your head softly landing on his shoulder like a makeshift pillow. he found it cute and he still does. 

⋆˚ʚɞ five years ago

you had been texting with heeseung all night, he had been going through something and although you wanted to know what it was; you settled on just making him feel better. like a good friend would do. your crush on heeseung has something your friends had known about for a while and although you’ve wanted to confess your feelings to him for a while now, you were too afraid of ruining your friendship and it potentially affecting your whole friend group. 

heeseung was currently on his way to your dorm and it was like you were waiting for a blind date. you fidget with the tassel on your throw pillow as you wait for him on your bed, running through the different scenarios in your head of what’s been bothering him. 

he was fine the last few days but today something had shifted; heeseung felt like he was carrying something heavy on his mind and it was showing. he had sent you a string of messages that represented someone on the verge of a crash out and all you could do was worry for him, eventually inviting him over so you could talk and find a way to make him feel better. 

to which heeseung accepted instantly as if that was what he was waiting for. 

after a few minutes, a knock on your door softly echoes throughout your dorm as you’re just about to text heeseung if he was alright. “hee-” you say, getting cut off when heeseung storms into your room, breathing unsteady as if he had run over to you. 

“what’s wrong, are you ok?” you ask, worry settled onto your face as you shut the door behind you. 

heeseung is standing facing away as he tries to catch his breath, unsure of how to talk to you about what has been weighing on his mind heavily. a reality that he’s finally chosen to come to terms with despite thinking it was all his delusions until recently. 

“hee?” you ask again and he whips around to face you, your expression softening when you see that it looks like he hasn’t slept and looks absolutely exhausted. his eyes were red, cheeks a bit sunken, and the shadows around his eyes were more prominent. he looked like he’s so emotionally and physically drained you couldn’t help but rush over to him, cupping his face in worry– rubbing his cheek with your thumb and you could feel heeseung melt into your hand. 

his eyes flutter closed as he breathes a sigh of relief; like your touch alone was enough to soothe his mind even though the reason for his distress partially had something to do with you. you guide heeseung to your bed and you can’t help but frown at his appearance, you didn’t know how long this has been going on but it seems that it was enough to reflect on his face. 

“hee? are you ok?” you ask and he finally takes a deep breath before responding, “yn.. i just want you to know that i don’t want any of this to change us.. and i hope we’ll be okay after this but-” heeseung begins. 

“heeseung you’re scaring me..” you whisper, anxiety building inside of you as heeseung tries to avoid eye contact with you. 

“just- please listen.. i don’t want you to think of me any differently after i say this but…

i think i love you.” 

and when those five words leave heeseung’s lips, everything goes silent. 

you’ve been wanting to hear heeseung say those words for so long, wishing that he would reciprocate your feelings, confess his love to you the way you’ve been too afraid to confess to him, and now that he has; you didn’t know what to do or say. 

heeseung was finally able to look into your eyes, looking for an answer because the silence after his confession had him thinking that he shouldn’t have said anything in the first place. 

“please, say something..” he whispers, voice trembling like he’d be in tears at any moment. 

“hee… i just-” when you try to respond even though you weren’t sure what to say, heeseung brings his hands to your face and brings it closer to his; “please tell me you feel the same way or else i might go insane.” he whispers, his lips just a few inches away from yours. 

heeseung’s gaze trails from your eyes down your face and lands to your lips, heeseung absentmindedly licks his own as if it were a physical reaction to seeing yours. “i do heeseung-” you begin but before you could finish your sentence; his lips are on yours. 

the dryness of his lips instantly disappears as your two lips dance with his. a kiss that both of you had been longing for since you two have first met, like there was tension between the two of you that could only be relieved with one another. everyone in the room could feel it but neither of you ever wanted to confront that no matter how badly you wanted to. 

heeseung pulls away for a moment, allowing the two of you to catch your breath; “i’m sorry, i should’ve asked but i just couldn’t wait any longer..” heeseung murmurs, his bedroom eyes glued onto yours as you try to gather your thoughts. you had been waiting to share this moment with heeseung for so long but for some reason it wasn’t like how you’d dreamt.

“heeseung, this is wrong.. what about your girl-” you’re about to bring up heeseung’s girlfriend but he just shakes his head. “you’re the one i want.. it’s always been you” he says, connecting your lips once again, the kiss being just as passionate and filled with hunger like you’re both deprived of the other. 

your dorm was soon filled with you and heeseung’s pleasure, a craving that was finally satisfied after so many years; finally having you in his arms. you never thought this day would come and although you thought that it would never come; you were going to cherish this moment with heeseung. 

the next few days felt like a dream. you and heeseung were inseparable and it’s everything you had hoped for when you used to think about how your life would be after confessing to heeseung about how you truly felt. 

only for him to confess first, leaving you shocked that he felt the same way. 

the conversation after that night in your dorm room was a bit awkward but the two of you quickly learned to laugh it off and move forward with your relationship. you had agreed that you’d keep this between yourselves for now because you were unsure of how it would affect the dynamic of your friend group. you even held off from telling jay, your cousin, who you told everything to. 

it was hard for the first few weeks to hide your relationship with heeseung because whenever all of you were together, you wanted nothing more than to hold his hand or sit on his lap, the tension from before being converted to secret longing glances and smiles that you two would try to hide from your friends. 

the good lasted for only a few months, until the fateful day that would change your life forever. you had woken up feeling like a ton of bricks had fallen on top of you while you were sleeping. you were fatigued, nauseous, and spent the morning hunched over your toilet as you threw up your dinner from the night before. 

you weren’t sure why your body was suddenly feeling unwell so you made a trip to the pharmacy to grab some medicine, browsing the aisles to see what would help with your symptoms, and that was when your eyes landed on the sleek white box towards the end of the shelf. 

“pregnancy test: accurate results in just under 10 minutes” it read on the box in bright blue font. there was no way that could be the cause of your distress, you didn’t have sex with anyone else besides.. heeseung… that night.. three months ago. 

your mind starts to spiral as you think about the possibility that you could be pregnant with heeseung’s child as that night replays in your head– now just remembering that the idea of a condom was absent from both of your minds as you were both in the heat of the moment, exploring one another’s bodies. 

frantically grabbing a few boxes, you make your way to the cash register but are stopped in your tracks when a voice calls out to you; “yn?” and when you turn around it’s heeseung’s ex-girlfriend. 

the conversation with her was short but awkward. she just wanted to clear the air, letting you know that she had no animosity towards you or heeseung and that she wished you two the best. which confused you because you certainly didn’t tell her and know that heeseung wouldn’t have told her without discussing with you first. when you asked her to clarify, her explanation only heightens the mental distress you were currently in. 

“heeseung and i broke up a few months ago and i just figured you two would be together by now..” was all she said before walking away. 

the night that heeseung confessed his love to you and where you had shared one of the most intimate moments two people could experience together; also happened to be the same night that heeseung broke up with his girlfriend. 

leading you to believe that it was the only reason he felt so inclined to be with you. like you were just some rebound that heeseung knew would be waiting for him like a lost puppy who had been left at home all day, knowing that if he called out to you– you’d come running to him. 

you were a rebound. 

did he even mean anything he had said to you or was it all just a way to get you to play along with his desires? did he even know you felt that way about him? and he used it as a way to get what he wanted? 

you felt disgusted knowing that the moment you shared with heeseung that you had been waiting for was merely just a way for him to get over his ex-girlfriend. a second option that he knew he could fall back on but not in the same way that he would’ve been supported by his friends who he could fall back on during a hard time, but more so like you were just a stepping stone and a temporary fix for the despair he was in that night. 

using you to forget his ex if it meant that he would feel better at your expense. 

it feels like the ten minutes that you were waiting for the pregnancy test to be ready was the longest ten minutes of your life. “less than ten minutes, my ass” you scoffed as the clock showed it’s been ten minutes and the results weren’t being shown through the small indicator window yet. 

your head falls back in annoyance and to your surprise, the next time you look at the test, a giant plus sign is clearer than day. you swallowed the dryness in your throat, throwing the test into the garbage and ripping open into the two other boxes you bought to test again. 

refusing to believe that the first one was accurate, like it was a fluke, a false positive, anything to convince yourself that this was not happening. 

but it was. 

⋆˚ʚɞ 

when you wake up, about an hour later, you almost don’t recognize where you are until you realize you’re wrapped up in a blanket on your bed. you remember being on the couch but don’t recall how you ended up on your bed. you sluggishly roll out of your bed, eyes half open as you scratch your head and make your way to the living room; only to find heeseung sleeping soundly on your couch. 

shock shoots through you as the memories of what happened before you fainted return to your mind, remembering that you and heeseung had reunited after not seeing one another for the last five years when he showed up unannounced at your front door. 

you slowly walk over to him, momentarily admiring his peaceful face as he snoozed on your couch, clutching onto the small pillow with his arms. “i know you’re staring at me.” heeseung murmurs, opening one eye to look at you; a grin on his face when he sees the annoyed look on yours. 

“what are you still doing here?” you ask, crossing your arms and tilting your head to one side as you questioned him. “wow, already kicking me out? if we were in college you would’ve begged me to stay while you tried to convince your roommate to leave.” he says, sitting up straight with the same playful smile on his lips. 

“okay, if you’re gonna stay then i guess we need to have this talk don’t we?” you ask, swallowing the lump in your throat as you try to muster up the courage to have this conversation after it led you to faint just an hour prior. you take a seat next to heeseung, much like how the two of you were positioned earlier and the night when  he showed up at your dorm, both of you sitting on your bed; looking into each other’s eyes as if you were the only two people that existed. 

holding one another so closely like at any given moment one of you would be torn away from the other. only if heeseung knew that you would be torn away from him months after, maybe he wouldn’t have made the decision he did that night. 

but that night was nothing that he’d ever regret. 

“so.. where do i begin.. you say trying to think of how you wanted to start– 

that night, when we hooked up in my dorm room; i know why you showed up. when you told me that you loved me it was everything that i could’ve hoped for. i feel like i started to fall for you the day we first met and every day since then i fell for you even more but i just thought that i wasn’t someone that you could ever love. 

so, even though it hurt me, i settled with being okay with just being friends; because it was better than not having you in my life at all. 

but when you told me you loved me that night, i was the happiest girl in the world. until i wasn’t. i felt like the few months that we were dating was the happiest moments of my life, obviously not compared to now because i have my daughter, but i’ll cherish those moments forever because it truly made me so happy to be with you–” 

“then why did you leave?” heeseung pleads, begging for an answer as you somewhat tiptoe around it. “a few months later, i ran into your ex while i was in the store and i found out that the two of you had broken up the same night we hooked up…” heeseung was now shaking his head in denial at what he was hearing. 

“heeseung, you used me as a rebound for your breakup– no, yn. that’s not true. i promise i would never do that to you.” heeseung whines, shaking his head in frustration that you’ve harbored this misunderstanding about him for the last five years which drove you away from him. 

⋆˚ʚɞ five years ago, two days before moving away

“why have you been so distant?” heeseung asks, his doe eyes looking at you as he pleads for your attention, lights reflecting in his eyes that made it look like he was tearing up, and he was trying his best not to cry in front of the girl he’s loved for so long. 

you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him, this battle inside of you that you’ve been going through on whether or not you wanted to tell heeseung the life changing news, your oversized hoodie covering up the secret you have. 

“heeseung, i just don’t think we can do this anymore.” was the only thing you could say before having to do the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. 

walk away from the boy you’ve loved for so long. 

heeseung didn’t know what he had done that led you to breakup with him but he held onto this idea that you hated him ever since. he respected you enough to let you walk away from him even though it took every ounce of strength inside of him to not run after you and engulf you in his arms. he would’ve begged you to stay if he could, but he didn’t. 

not running after you and fighting for your love was his biggest regret. 

two days later, he’d find out from jay that you left the country and although he begged and begged jay to let him know where you moved to, how to reach you, and to help him get in contact with you; jay respected you too much after learning what led you to leave to just set you back by allowing heeseung to waltz right back into your life. 

jay tried his best to not let his judgement of heeseung be clouded by what you told him, but he couldn’t help but feel empathy towards you. his cousin who’s life was going to change drastically because of his best friend and all he could do was support you from afar even if it meant helping you move into his childhood home where jay’s parents would be there for you to help you throughout the whole thing. 

⋆˚ʚɞ 

“heeseung, this is all too much for me right now. i want to have this conversation, i’ve thought about it every day for the last five years, but i don’t think i’d ever be ready for it. 

i think you should leave.” 

and as much as heeseung wanted to stay, beg for you to let him stay and talk it out, but he respected you too much to fight with you. 

so just like that night, he walked away even if he didn’t want to. 

you sighed as you closed the door behind heeseung, peeking into the small window beside your front door to watch him leave, shoulders low and head hunched over as he walked to his car. you close your eyes and exhale before swinging the door back open and calling for heeseung, “heeseung!” you shout and he’s instantly whipping around at the sound of your voice. 

“heejin’s birthday is in two weeks, you’re invited if you’d like to come.” and heeseung’s attitude changes, a bright smile spreading onto his face as your words ring like church bells in his ears. 

“i’ll be there.” he says before waving goodbye and driving off. 

a small smile tugging on your lips as you tried your best not to feel like that young girl you once were whenever you’d get shy around heeseung. 

⋆˚ʚɞ 

the next two weeks is filled with heeseung’s endless attempts to make his way into your everyday routine whether it was showing up again unannounced to take heejin to school, to which she’d never deny because heeseung always brought her the juice box she really likes, or if it was him asking you if you needed help with anything for heejin’s birthday. 

heeseung was going to find his way back into your life even if he annoyed you– but all you had in your mind was her birthday despite heeseung’s attempts to occupy your every waking thought. 

the build up for heejin’s birthday was filled with excitement and anxiety as you tried to make her 6th birthday something special because it would be her first birthday in korea. in the past, her birthdays in seattle was mostly just you and her, sometimes your parents would fly in town to visit but not often. 

and now that you’re back in korea and surrounded by so many people that loved you; you were going to make sure this birthday was something that she remembers. her birthday was in just 24 hours and everything was set in place. 

it was somewhat difficult to keep everything hidden from her because she was one curious girl and was constantly rambling about what she wanted for her birthday, unicorns, rainbows, the color pink, a cake that was chocolate but also vanilla and had strawberries, the color pink, a pinata that was shaped like bunny or maybe a unicorn, and oh, did i mention.. pink? 

pink was her favorite color and it showed with every since thing she always picked out for herself was pink. 

at midnight when the clock indicated that it was finally her birthday, you snuck into her room as she slept soundly with a small cupcake and a number six candle in the center. you gently walked over to her and softly sang happy birthday, waking her up and her eyes instantly widened at the sight of you. 

She was smiling from ear to ear and clapping her hands together in joy. “happy birthday my sweet bambi.” you said after singing happy birthday, softly patting her head as she makes a wish and blows out the candle. 

“thank you mama.” her small voice coming out just above a whisper. “sleep now, okay? you have a big day tomorrow.” booping her nose as she enthusiastically goes back to bed, eager to fall back asleep and wake up the next morning to her big day. 

birthday preparations started earlier for you as you made sure to do some last minute cleaning and organizing for the party. setting out all of the stuff in your backyard with the help of jay and your parents. your mom busied your daughter so that she wasn’t running around and to stop her from looking through every single thing at her party. 

she was so happy, a type of happiness you wished would stay with her forever. 

soon after, the preparations were complete and heejin was dressed in a sparkly pink dress, one that she had picked up several weeks in advance when the two of you were shopping together on a mommy and daughter date. 

your friends, sunghoon, jay, jake, karina, and winter had shown up with gifts that made your daughter smile so bright. her classmates had shown up, excited to celebrate heejin on her big day– you watched from the side as you took in all of it. some of the people you loved most in one place to celebrate the person you loved most. 

seeing your daughter happy made you happy and that was all you could wish for. 

you took a gander at all of the people enjoying the party when a knock at your front door catches your attention. you jog over to the door and are met with heeseung, a cheesy grin on his face as he carries several boxes in his arms, peering from behind it to reveal himself. 

“i hope i’m not too late?” he says and you just chuckle, telling him that the party was just beginning. you invite him inside, instructing him to set her gifts onto the table in the far side of the kitchen as the two of you join everyone in the backyard. 

you can hear gasps coming from your friends as they see you and heeseung standing together, a sight that none of them thought they’d see so soon. “yo! heeseung, you made it man.” jake says, standing up to shake his friend’s hug as everyone follows to do the same. 

karina and winter send you a teasing glance, the two of them pointing to you and heeseung like you were all kids teasing their friend when their crush walks by, earning them an eye roll as you laugh it off. 

“where’s the birthday girl?” heeseung asks, still holding onto a small gift as he walks back to you. you pointed at heejin who was playing tag with her friends; unafraid to get rowdy with the little boys in her class. “heejin, bambi! come here, you’ve got a gift.” you shout and she comes running as she hears the word gift. 

heeseung crouches down to her size and hands her the gift, “happy birthday heejin.” he says with a soft smile, one that heejin returns. hugging him to thank him, “can i open it mama?” she asks and you gesture her to ask heeseung since it was his gift– earning an eager nod from heeseung who encouraged her to open it. 

heejin tears into the small box, a gasp escaping from her tiny mouth as she sees the box, the gift wrap revealing a soft brown deer plushie with a pink bow and blushing cheeks. she jumps up and down in excitement, her arms wrapping around heeseung’s neck to show her appreciation for the gift. seeing heeseung hug her back pulls at your heartstrings as you watch all of it unfold, an image in your head that you thought you’d never see. 

your daughter and her father sharing a tender moment with an embrace. 

⋆˚ʚɞ 

the party dies down once the sun has set and most of the guests have gone. the only people left were your parents, winter and sunghoon, and heeseung. your friends had offered to stay back to help you clean and because your mother was your mother, she wasn’t going to let you clean up alone even if you had your friends to help. 

heejin was in the living room with bright eyes as she looked at all of the gifts she had received, several gifts of stuffed animals, toys, clothes, and other presents that a small child would appreciate. “okay, bambi let’s get ready for bed. you can play with all of your toys tomorrow, ok?” and heejin nods, grabbing the deer plushie that heeseung got her and taking it with her as you help her get ready for bed. 

heeseung notices you and heejin walking away and excuses himself from your mother to which she just nods and tells him it’s okay and she’ll take care of the rest of the chores in the kitchen. heeseung parted with a small bow as he makes his way to what he assumes is heejin’s room. 

winter and sunghoon on the other are glancing at each other, having confirmation with just their eyes as they watch heeseung run after you. 

“you know.. not to be a conspiracy theorist but doesn’t heejin look like.. heeseung?” winter asks, whispering to sunghoon as she walks a bit closer to him. “no, i see it too. also, the nickname? we used to say heeseung looks like a baby deer all the time when we were in college and yn nicknamed her daughter bambi?” sunghoon adds and winter looks at him like he’s just spilled the deepest secret one can hold. 

sunghoon and winter send each other knowing glances as they both arrive at a revelation. 

“hey, you guys alright?” heeseung asks while popping his head into heejins room with a soft knock. you tell him that you’re just her ready for bed when you wave him inside. “thank you for the gift, she loves it a lot. i’ve been looking for that thing for months and i can’t believe you were able to find it.” you tell him and heeseung chuckles.

“it’s no big deal” he responds and you ask him about how he knew to get that for her. “she talks about it whenever i drive her to school, she also mentioned that her mommy calls her bambi and i figured it would make the perfect gift.” he explains, making it a point to reference the bambi part as he knew that was also a nickname he had within your friend group, one that you started. 

you hoped that you weren’t too obvious with that but chose not to dwell much longer on the nickname as it could just be coincidence– although it wasn’t. 

“thank you for the bambi!” heejin says as she walks back into the room in her pajamas. heeseung pats her small head as she climbs into her bed, tucking her into her blanket as you ask her about her day– heejin rambling on about her favorite parts of the day which just turned out to be every single aspect of her party. 

you smiled at her as she went on and on, “but my favorite is the bambi.” she says while stretching her arms out with the plushie in her hands and then bringing it into her arms for a hug. “thank you dad.” heejin says and it catches you and heeseung off guard��� heejin herself doesn’t even realize what she’s said as she gets cozy in bed. 

there was a sense of awkwardness between the two of you at the comment by your daughter and it causes heeseung to start questioning things and putting puzzle pieces together. the possibility that he could’ve been heejin’s dad hadn’t crossed his mind once and now that it’s been brought up; it’s all he was thinking about. 

“goodnight, baby.” you say before placing a kiss onto heejin’s forehead and as you’re about to leave; she calls out to you. “mama, can you sing me a lullaby?” she asks and even though you were exhausted, you weren’t going to say no to your daughter. 

“can i?” heeseung asks and you couldn’t bring yourself to say no when heejin looked so excited, so you nod and heeseung takes a seat on the bed next to heejin who was still hugging the deer plushie. 

heeseung then begins to sing a song to your daughter. you haven’t heard his voice in so long, the melodic trill of his vocals, a symphonic honey like sound that lulled your daughter to sleep in no time, her soft snores mixing with heeseung’s beautiful singing. 

when the two of you were certain that she was sound asleep, you carefully walked out of her room and shut the door as softly as you could. as you try to walk back to finish some cleaning, heeseung holds onto your hand and whips you back around to look at him, his gaze filled with love and the same type of longing that has lingered inside of him for years on end. 

“can we talk?” heeseung says and you nod, letting him know to continue. 

“i know that i hurt you when i made it feel like you were just a rebound, but that couldn’t have been more wrong. it was always you, i’ve always loved you and i would always choose you. my ex and i were constantly fighting throughout that week and the day i came running to you was when we broke up but i never told you why… 

we broke up because she realized how much i loved you in comparison to her and it wasn’t fair that whenever i was with her, all i could think about was you. 

i’ve loved you since the day i met you and i just never had the courage to say that, but i would write your name in the sand again and again after the waves have swept it away if it means that my love for you is shared across the seas.” 

tears streaming down your eyes as heeseung’s hands gently cup your face, his thumb wiping your face of your tears. heeseung brings you into his arms for an embrace and when he feels your arms wrap around him, he breathes a sigh of relief knowing that he was finally able to get that off of his chest.

something that he’s had weighing on him for so long and was so happy to finally profess his love for you. the girl he loves and will always love. 

when you pull away from him with a sniffle, heeseung wipes your tears again as you lock eyes, “is she mine?” he asks in reference and you nod, finally telling heeseung the secret that you’ve held for the last five years. 

tears sting heeseung’s eyes at the information and he holds you even tighter in his arms when he hears the news. he couldn’t believe that the beautiful girl he just sang to sleep was his daughter. joy was an understatement to describe the emotion that he was feeling. the type of love only a family could share where they’d do everything to keep the family together and happy. 

you and heeseung spend the night sharing stories of what you’ve missed in each other’s lives in the time that you were gone. tears, laughter, and tender touches shared between the two of you as you do your best to rebuild your relationship from scratch. 

“thank you for giving me another chance.” heeseung whispers as you lay in his arms, the moonlight shining onto your faces, leaving a small white cast into the room. 

“thank you for not giving up on me.” you respond, heeseung placing a small kiss onto your temple before you both drift off to sleep. a type of joy and delight radiating from your bodies that neither of you have felt in so long. something you would have only gotten from one another. 

⋆˚ʚɞ 

you’re awoken to the smell of grilled meat wafting throughout your home, your nose dragging you to the living room to find heejin and heeseung in the kitchen cooking together. “what do we have here?” you ask and they turn to look at you, “mama! he’s teaching me how to make pancakes and bacon.” she says, running over to you and hugging your legs. you pick her up and walk back to heeseung who was setting the last pancake onto the plate. 

“let’s eat.” he says and you all sit at the table together and enjoy breakfast like a family for the first time. a moment that you’ve always wanted to share as a whole family and now that you’ve finally been able to share the truth with heeseung, it’s everything you’ve ever wanted. 

“heejin, i have something to tell you, ok?” you tell her and she’s looking up at you with her big doe eyes, identical to heeseung’s who was shyly sitting to the side. “remember when you asked me where your papa is?” and heejin nods, a small pout on her lips. 

“bambi, heeseung is your papa.” and you’ve never seen heejin move so fast before as she’s jumping out of her chair and into heeseung’s arms to which he welcomes her, hugging his daughter with so much love that you could feel it coming off of them. heeseung extends one of his arms to invite you over and as tears fall from your eyes once again, you join in on your first ever family hug. 

you didn’t know when this day would come and you were elated that it came sooner after you had been running from it for the last five years. the happiest moment of your life with the family you’ve created could’ve never happened if you didn’t face heeseung and allowed for him to bare his soul and heart to you. something you should’ve never been afraid of. 

heeseung waited for you every single day, thinking about the day that you’d come back to him and when you’d finally be his. to his surprise, you gave him a beautiful daughter that, although he has a lot of time to make up for, was so happy that he wasn’t too late to watch her grow and be a part of her life. 

no matter how hard you tried to run from having to face this hardship, heeseung was thousands of miles away back in korea waiting for you with only love in his mind. wanting nothing more than to have you back in his life and to never let you go like he had done the first time. 

the image of your broken face replayed in his mind every night when he slept, thinking about the pain he must’ve put you through without knowing the full capacity of what you had to experience alone. he wished he was there by your side through every single step, holding your hand in the delivery room, taking photos of you as your stomach grew, witnessing his daughter’s first steps and first word, everything. 

but now that he was back, he was going to make sure that he didn’t miss anything else. 

you and your daughter instantly became the most important people in his life, knowing that he’d love the both of you endlessly, unconditionally, and forever. 

forever. 

something that he’d always associate with you because you are his forever and now, so is your daughter. 

love should be forever and you were forever going to be loved by him. it was like love and forever was synonymous with you because to heeseung, loving you is forever. 

⋆˚ʚɞ

ᡣ•.•𐭩♡ @pagemiah @jiiyen @jnysaln @xh01bri @rairaiblog @laurradoesloveu @17ericas @manaah02 @heeseung64 @zorange13 @firstclassjaylee @leipforggy

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[dioslesbianwife]

No thoughts, head empty, i’m just thinking about how funny it would be if some characters found out they weren’t your type prior to dating.

Like me, personally, i don’t find blondes attractive irl or people with a cocky attitude, but then DIEGO??? he’s majestic oh my god, i’m obsessed.

So could i get Diego, Johnny, Narancia, Rohan and whoever else you want reacting to one of their like s/o’s friends being surprised they’re dating since they’re not usually reader’s type?

Thanks!

hahaha this is a good prompt lol, hope you enjoy and thank you for requesting <33

Diego Brando

Friend: “Wait… him? Isn’t he a little… intense for you?”

You: “I- I mean, yeah but like… he’s hot?? And- smart???”

Diego:

Immediate offended stare. 

“Tch. What’s your type then, mediocre?”

He’s 100% pissed but in that smug Diego way where he’s like “You didn’t even tell them I’m rich?”

Will spend the rest of the day with his arm around your waist, whispering things like “Remind me again what exactly you see in me, sweetheart~”

(Will fish for compliments later. “Say it. Say I’m your type now.”)

Johnny Joestar

Friend: “Wait, him?? That’s not really the kind of guy you usually go for…”

You: “I mean… he’s really sweet?? And surprisingly good at making me laugh???”

Johnny:

Completely motionless

His internal monologue is just “coolcoolcool I’m gonna go drown myself now”

He already has insecurity issues, so this hits HARD.

Just softly mutters, “Sorry I’m not tall and loud and perfect or whatever…”

You IMMEDIATELY feel bad and hold his face like “NO NO YOU’RE PERFECT BABY.”

Won’t bring it up again but next time you’re alone he asks, “...You don’t regret being with me, right?”

Narancia

Friend: “Wait, really?! That guy?! I thought you liked smart, mature types- ”

You: “HE IS SMART!! AND MATURE- ish!!”

Narancia:

“YO WHAT THE HELL?!”

Immediately gets defensive. Loudly.

“I know math and shit! I can do, like, multiplication and junk!!”

You’re trying to calm him down but he’s already yelling “I HAVE DEPTH!!!”

Later he’s sulking with his face buried in your lap like “...am I really that different from the guys you liked before?”

You kiss his forehead and go “Nah. You’re better.” 

He perks up like a sunflower after that.

Rohan Kishibe

Friend: “Wait… him? The uptight manga guy?”

You: “He’s not uptight, he’s… passionate.”

Rohan:

Instantly scowling.  “Uptight?”

Pulls out Heaven’s Door and writes “I will never insult Kishibe Rohan again” in your friend’s mind.

“I’m not your type. I’m the type. As in the ideal.”

Tries to play it cool but is MILDLY pissy for the rest of the day.

You have to reassure him with a bunch of “I love you’s”

“Hmph. Prove it.”

Jotaro Kujo

Friend: “Him? That’s… unexpected. You usually go for more emotionally available types.”

You: “Hey!! He’s emotionally available… deep down… like… very deep down.”

Jotaro:

Dead silent. Hat tug.

Doesn’t say a single word.

You feel like the temperature dropped 10 degrees. 

Friend leaves awkwardly. You turn to him and he goes, “…I knew I should’ve just stayed home.”

You practically have to climb him like a tree to get him to talk again.

“You’re not my usual type, Jotaro.”

“...”

“…You’re better.”

“…Tch.” (but he pulls you closer)

[forsaken-headcanons]

(aw man I just found out that asks are from like... the main blogs I wanted to send this ask from Pit-Thrice but oh well hehe)

Saw that oc and canon interaction is allowed so I wanna show my oc/sona who's in a queer-platonic relationship with Chance :D and I also wanna kill the part of me that cringes and just let myself be happy lol Here's art of her and Chance wearing a Jessicsa Rabbit costume bc it's all I have atm

This is Partygirl112, Party for short. She's a hacker. She's genderfluid and goes by any pronouns but gets really giddy and likes it when she's referred to as she/her. She's DOWN BAD for Chance. Idk what to make the ship name yet tho bc I got a lot of ideas. PartyChance, Doubleshades, Luckshipping (both have crazy luck, bad or good), Monorainbow (Chance's greys vs Party's colourfulness), Spectrumshipping (light spectrum hehe), and Russianrouletteshipping (they both like Russian roulette).

She works at this rave/party place thing (idk English) named Paradisia. Pretty popular in the city especially due to the rumours about 'the boss' who's this completely anonymous individual. Even the workers there never met them properly.

Now for yapping hehe:

• She's REALLY protective of Chance. Like she'd glare at someone just for looking at him wrong. She also loves calling them pet names like "My love", "Darling", and she also calls him "My Aphrodite"

• She also has beef with Noob because Noob once caused trouble in Paradisia and she had to cover it up before her boss found out. Genderfluid partygoer on genderfluid partygoer hostility lmao

• Both Party and Chance are afraid that the other might find someone to love more than them. They distract themselves with any type of activities that gets their adrenaline pumping.

• People don't really believe that their relationship is serious (not because they don't believe in qprs but because they assume that they're both too attached to their 'thing', Party - Partying, Chance - Gambling, to be committed to each other)

• If Chance is a rabbit, Party's an owl.

• Party has violent tendencies and she's scared of violence. She hates herself so much for how much she feels like she needs to destroy something or beat the crap out of someone. She won't know what to do with herself if she ever hurts Chance.

• When Chance died and got Forsaken™, Party followed closely after. Not that she did it to herself deliberately. There was just something in the universe that kept them together. So when one goes where the other can't follow, the universe forces fate to put them together again anyway.

Too bad the Spetre ABSOLUTELY screws her up like how they did with John Doe lmao. Killer gang.

am I cringe and free yet I need to BREAK FREE (sorry if this is too much feel free to delete this ask if it is aughsjjbvibys)

another one bites the dust 💔💔

love what you did w her! party seems AWESOnvm she dislikes noob /silly (/J /J /J SHE LOOKS AWESOME!)

owlcore characters are faves ! would love to see her appear in the inbox again once it's cleared out :]

[kireilien]

hii firstly i luv your work sm!!!

could i req ot9 teamies seeing you wear a revealing dress on your date and how theyll handle it? 🤍🤍🤍🤍

hi babes yes ofc also i accidentally made all of them going to the club-adjacent in all scenarios LULLLLL

waybill: nsfw content, mentions of alcohol, dom!teamies

yudai: bro is salivating at first then realizes… wait your dress is so scandy??? he’s trying to be cool about it being like “baby, do you need a jacket? you look cold!” mind you it’s like 70° at night, your chest and ass are nearly out for a REASON. for the whole night he’s watching out for anyone— not js men either— looking at you. he’s keeping you close, hands at your hips to make sure it’s not riding up and INSISTS for you to face him at all times. when you get home and you take off the dress he’s groping you all over saying, “i don’t want other people to see the body that i only know.”

fuma: flustered as shit obviously he’s like “wow, angel you look… gorgeous.” he’s so fucking glad you’re his he’s like fist pumping at himself LOL throughout the night he keeps you near him at all costs because he’s protective over you but it’s the right amount since he still wants to see you have fun but not TOO much! once the night is over he romantically pulls you close, petting your hair, “maybe we should keep this dress at home.” you’re like “hmm? why?” and he’s like “you looked too good… all i could think about is having you under me.” his imagination did come to life afterwards~

nicholas: WHORE PICKED IT OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE. his ass was like “this one is good,” mind you there’s cutouts EVERYWHERE… he’s dancing with you all night, getting drinks with you, but still being responsible enough to be a little more coherent than you, but the more the night goes on he starts to realize how many people are staring at you like you’re eye candy— well you are but you’re HIS eye candy, not for others. when getting home and you’ve sobered up, he keeps the dress on and fucks you out, he’s constantly telling himself, “only i can fuck you like this— in this dress.”

euijoo: what a shy boy. he’s even more flustered than fuma, saying, “wow— you look umm— so fucking good.” he talking abt INNNNNITTTTT TONIGHTTT he’s constantly having a watchful eye on you but of course if you had a good plenty to drink, he’ll carry you home. watching hot the fabric is barely covering your pussy… his brain starts to malfunction! it’s almost like you planned it when you hike your hem above your panties, mumbling, “need you so bad, juju…” oh juju is freed from his thoughts and doesn’t even take it off, he goes straight in. who cares if he made a mess, it’s his mess.

yuma: he tries to be nonchalant and passive about it but he hasn’t even left the house yet and he has a boner LOL he side eyes everyone in fucking existence and pretends that he isn’t possessive of you when in reality his hand can’t leave your waist it’s like GLUED on there. yeah no doesn’t even take off the dress part two but this time he places marks on where there’s cut outs in the dress, muttering a, “stupid fucking dress. let’s see you wear it again” and fucks you like you’re at fault, “slutty ass dress, you knew what you were doing, huh?” like ok we get it bro you’re possessive.

jo: he lwk feels bad… he’s like, “they’re beautiful but why do i feel like i can’t have them leave the house…” he sees all the looks you get from people and he’s proud and clingy all at once saying, “YERPPPPP THEY’RE MINE you can look though because they’re their own person” if you catch my drift LOL i swear him fucking you was more romantic than jealous since he’s rutting in you, towering behind you as he presses his knees in the mattress to weigh you down, whimpering, “god— just so beautiful— don’t even know— shit— what to do with you, baby.” and his coos get louder!!!

harua: why do we have sm side eye guys in the teamies but he is biggest offender! he’s like “yawp they look good but none of you can touch them btw. they’re mine btw.” he’s your biggest supporter and hypes you up before and during you wearing the dress but once it’s afterwards… yeah expect to be crying at the end of it! relentlessly fucking your head down into the pillows, grumbling, “i don’t care what you wear, you always have to know who makes you a stupid mess like this, right?” he’s so handsy it’s crazy at least one groping at your ass and the other in your hair, waist, ankle even!

taki: hi i’m entering in dom!taki agenda i don’t care he’s been messing with my head! he’s all ecstatic that you look so good and pretty, he’s twirling you around, kissing your cheeks, and hyping you up like normal but once your at home…! WHEW. he makes you stay in your clothes dress, accessories, makeup, heels, maybe even your purse to and fucks you so raw against your tall ass mirror! he’s watching how you crumble underneath him cooing, “oh c’mon baby, can’t you act pretty just like what you were doing before? you can do it for me, right?” with a sly ass smirk behind your ear… nasty!

maki: shows you off. flaunts you even. smacks your ass, grips at your waist, peppers you with kisses when he’s typically not the type too. but when he’s in an area of hungry wolves that aren’t himself— yeah magnetization switched on! he fucks you so insanely, you start to even forget why he’s fucking you in the first place. although you’re in a edge-of-the-bed reverse cowgirl, he uses his hands to fuck you right back down his cock. you WILL catch him saying, “how cute. pretty girl getting so fucked out? maybe should’ve kept you at home.” we GET it you stupid fucking alpha.

[poppyseed-cookie]

(In honor of 1,000 notes, here’s the story behind this post)

Haha it’s a little roleplay au. I’ll explain it since u asked, it’s actually a lot less focused on the art I showed than you’d think. Warning, it’s all beast x ancient (this is a shadowvanilla post so I doubt that’s much of a problem for ppl but in case yall don’t like the other bxa ships)

Soo, for whatever mysterious reason, the Ancients get transported back in time to before the Beasts were corrupted. Millennial Tree, having powers of Time and all, noticed this happened, and said “okay, don’t worry, I’ll find a way to get you guys back to when you’re supposed to be. As long as you don’t create or destroy any life, I should be able to fix the timeline, so just hang out and have fun or whatever until I figure out how to get you guys back”

So the Ancients are just like “cool vacation in prehistoric times ig (we call them prehistoric times cuz technically the history of these times is practically all erased lol)” so they just tour around and see what the Beasts were like in the past as Virtues.

First off, we don’t have Silent Salt lore, so White Lily just went “awesome I love studying things that cookies shouldn’t normally be able to” and just completely wandered off doing her research on literally everything and they just don’t see her 😭 ngl I keep imagining she’s going to Solidarity Salt’s Concerts for some reason I can’t make this canon I don’t think they held concerts why would they be a singer I shouldn’t even be typing this I haven’t even told my sister (the one I rp this with) this stupid idea

ANYWAYS… Golden Cheese just goes sight seeing, not wanting to get into any trouble. Hollyberry wants to go see the Garden, but immediately gets distracted by visiting all the bars she can find and tasting all the prehistoric drinks. Pure Vanilla enrolls into the Fount of Knowledge’s school because he just wants to see what his teachings were like. Dark Cacao… the real story begins with him.

Dark Cacao saw that cookies lined up to get their wishes granted by Master Flour Cookie. He figured, since that’s his beast and all, he should go and see what it’s like. So he stood in line and eventually got to her. She asked him what his wish was, and then he realized he stood in line that WHOLE time not having a wish. He said “uhhh I just came here because I wanted to see you”. Master Flour’s not really sure what to do about that one. It feels really awkward so Dark Cacao asks her what her favorite food is. She answers, and he wishes for some of it, which she grants, but only for him to tell her to have it. He remembered that cookies weren’t very nice to the Beasts from what he could gather, so he figured he’d do something a little nice for her. Then he left.

Master Flour Cookie was stunned. A cookie shows up with only the desire to see her? And wishes she would give herself a treat? She’d never had a cookie be so kind and selfless to her. She goes to the other Virtues and tells them about this mysterious cookie that warmed her heart, and Sugar of Happiness immediately encourages her to pursue this feeling of happiness. Master Flour’s not sure if she can, but the other Virtues, especially Sugar of Happiness and Fount of Knowledge, offer their help.

So Dark Cacao is just walking around when suddenly the Sugar of Happiness swoops down from the skies, picks him up, and flies him over to the Ivory Pagoda. Scariest moment of his life. Once he’s there he discovers that Master Flour Cookie is interested in him. Romantically. Oh no no no. How could this happen??? This is the beast of APATHY. It’s so unnatural to see her this flustered… she’s not supposed to like anyone!! But what’s Dark Cacao gonna do? Break her heart? Nope.

So when he gets back to his Ancient friends he explains the situation. They’re all shocked. “What did you do to make Mystic Flour fall in love with you??” but when he explains what he did, they all go “OH MY GOSH UNMATCHED RIZZ!!!! DUDE YOU TOTALLY RIZZED HER UP!!!! THAT WAS SMOOTH!!!!” He doesn’t believe it except he has to believe it because why else is he in this situation. Also I can’t forget to mention that the Fount of Knowledge approached Dark Cacao, circled around him, nodded, and left at one point which also terrified him. (Fount was analyzing him to figure out what sort of things he likes to help Master Flour out in her dating escapades)

Now let’s have a look at Pure Vanilla. It’s VERY IMPORTANT to note, that, this au is based on my roleplay, and in that roleplay, Pure Vanilla and Shadow Milk ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP. So, he enrolled into school to see what his Present boyfriend was like in the Past. He’s been studying at the Blueberry Milk Academy, and enjoying it for the most part… but there was one thing that ruined it for him. And that was the other students in his class. They didn’t enjoy the Fount’s more creative ways of teaching (especially the songs they were forced to learn) and would sometimes talk during lessons. Pure Vanilla would sometimes snap at his classmates if they were disrupting the Fount’s lessons, and was always very encouraging of the Fount’s creative lessons. He always spoke many praises of the teacher and how he’s proud of him for doing such a good job teaching the class.

This is also where his classmates ruin the experience for him. He didn’t have many friends. That’s because… there was a rumor about him going around class. A rumor that he was crushing HARD on the teacher. His classmates were all very disturbed by this and constantly told him “dude the Fount of Knowledge isn’t gonna screw you” and he kept insisting that was NOT his goal, he’s NOT into the Fount, he just really enjoys class. Yet his excellent grades didn’t help the rumors. He was basically the “teachers pet” except nobody called him that especially because it felt more like he wanted the TEACHER to be HIS pet. Pure Vanilla is absolutely stunned at these rumors. Like, sure that’s his future boyfriend, but he wasn’t trying to do anything!!! Just school!!!

For a while, it’s just rumors and a lack of friends. But eventually, the Fount starts to see the evidence pile up that his top student Likes him. He doesn’t know how to react, and confides in his fellow Virtues that one of his students seems into him. A very good, kind, and attentive student. Seeing as they all got Master Flour a boyfriend, they immediately encourage Fount to pursue this as well. No one had ever treated the Fount as lovingly as Pure Vanilla, so he went along with this idea, not receiving any help since he can already see Pure Vanilla during the day and he also hates admitting when he’s not sure what to do so of course he wouldn’t ask for any further help.

So one class, the Fount nervously asks to see Pure Vanilla after class. He’s surprised by this but is like “ok”. His classmates are STUNNED. “Surely not…” they think. After class it’s just Fount and PV. Fount gets really flustered and says “so, um, d-do you want to, um- NEVER MIND!!!” and he tries to run away but trips and almost cries from embarrassment. Pure Vanilla is nice about it and tries to make sure he’s ok. PV gets the message and gently accepts Fount’s offer, careful not to scare him off. Sooo now they’re a thing.

Also yes, Dark Cacao and Master Flour are dating. He didn’t want to break her heart. He has tried coming up with excuses for why it wouldn’t work out but she grants wishes bro she has the power of Volition SHE CAN MAKE IT WORK. He refuses to say “I’m not interested” so there’s nothing he can do (but is he really not interested…?).

Pure Vanilla tells his Ancient friends that he’s dating the Fount of Knowledge now. They are not surprised, except for the fact that TWO of them are now dating Virtues. At least THIS time Pure Vanilla was ACTUALLY already dating the guy in the present…

Seeing as this post is focused on purefount y’all probably want me to go into more detail about that. They’ve had a lot of developments and gotten really close, the Fount of Knowledge lets Pure Vanilla call him Blueberry Milk now and he’s learned things that he didn’t know about Shadow Milk. Blueberry Milk is willing to be so open to Pure Vanilla in part BECAUSE he has this strange sense that the two of them have a far deeper connection than normal cookies, not realizing they are actually soulmates.

In terms of close calls like the post, Blueberry Milk DID absolutely scare the life out of Pure Vanilla by asking “oh by the way, I don’t recognize the fields you grew up in! Where is that? Oh, right, forgot to mention, I looked into your memories 😊” Pure Vanilla considers himself very lucky that he seems to have ONLY looked into his childhood, which doesn’t have any super incriminating evidence of being a time traveler with a soul jam, (Blueberry Milk was only curious WHERE Pure Vanilla came from, that’s why he only checked as far back as he could remember) but the fact that Blueberry Milk has the power to see into his memories is very concerning. Luckily the Fount doesn’t seem too interested in prying, but man.

The other Ancients start to get concerned about all this plus the fact that Blueberry Milk has discovered that the cookies catching the attention of the Virtues (skipped over GC and BS don’t worry I’ll loop back to that shortly) are all actually friends, AND wants to come over and visit them sometime, they’re like “listen we know you love Blueberry Milk and we’re letting Dark Cacao date Mystic Flour (DC in the background: help) but this is starting to get dangerous. That’s one of the most powerful cookies in existence when it comes to magic, if anyone could ruin the time fixing stuff it could be the Fount, plus what if discovering that it becomes Shadow Milk causes that to happen early and cookies die?”

But Pure Vanilla just caaaan’t stop loving his precious partner. Sooo let’s go back a bit and see what happened with Golden Cheese Cookie.

She was just sight seeing as per usual, going around one of the Herald of Change’s kingdoms to admire the culture and architecture there, not realizing that the Herald himself would actually BE there. He noticed her wings and was captivated by her IMMEDIATELY. He went up to her and said “hey! Why do you have wings?” to which Golden Cheese panicked and said “oh, I was raised by cheesebirds.” Herald of Change said “ohhh that makes sense” and immediately went to the Fount of Knowledge to ask about what cheesebirds like. That’s how Blueberry Milk discovers that the Herald is now interested in Golden Cheese, PV also happened to be there and was just internally like “ohhh no”

Unlike with the other two, when the Herald tells the other Virtues about his newfound crush, they aren’t as intrigued or encouraging. The Herald was one of the only Virtues to actually date around. This wasn’t new or exciting to them, and it’s not even like Golden Cheese had done anything to win him over, he just thought she was pretty. Still, Blueberry Milk was always happy to help the Herald (important part of our roleplay lore tbh) and hunted down Golden Cheese for him so that it could scan her and learn what she likes, since the Herald really wanted to know.

Golden Cheese saw the Fount of Knowledge approaching her, and thought “oh, no, Dark Cacao described this happening to him, too. The Fount definitely isn’t meant to be here and is definitely coming towards me. Oh, wait! I don’t need to let him circle me! I can fly away!” So that’s what she did.

Blueberry Milk didn’t expect that but immediately became suspicious because of that action. She DEFINITELY saw him approaching, and CHOSE to escape him. Plus, she had LIED. Potentially. Blueberry Milk has an open mind and says that “MAYBE there are WAYS you can spin it so ‘I got wings because I was raised by cheesebirds’ is true” but still thought it strange. Blueberry Milk also noticed a pattern, that both his and Master Flour’s new boyfriends knew each other, and figured maybe it was the same for the Herald’s new crush. Blueberry Milk went to PV and did a brief scan of him to discover that yes, he does know Golden Cheese.

The Fount of Knowledge is somewhat onto them, no longer totally oblivious that there’s anything strange going on, but is giving Pure Vanilla its full trust because it loves him deeply. Still, it questions whether it’s all worth it, knowing that for reasons unexplained, Pure Vanilla isn’t planning on staying.

Anyways. The Herald of Change figured that cheesebirds like cheese and sticks. So, he went to Golden Cheese with cheese and sticks. He gave them to her, then yelled “OH MY GOSH IM STUPID! WHY DIDNT I GET CHEESE STICKS?!” and ran away in embarrassment. Golden Cheese found the pitiful attempt at wooing her kind of cute. She put the cheese on the sticks to eat.

Back home with the Ancients, she is DEVASTATED that she is now part of the “strange relationship with Beast” club. She insists that she doesn’t DESERVE to be lumped in with Dark Cacao and Pure Vanilla, because she didn’t DO anything to garner his attention other than be her glorious self. All it took was a look and she was involved. Hollyberry is just like “on one hand I should avoid Eternal Sugar at all costs so that I can be the One Cookie who is doing things right. On the other hand, I’m REALLY curious”

So far we haven’t added a branch to the au where Hollysugar happens. So FOR NOW, Hollyberry is the one safe Ancient (other than WL until we learn more about SS). But I don’t doubt that at some point we will drag her into it. She’s certainly not AGAINST going to the Garden, despite her friends suggesting maybe she doesn’t.

Also might be worth mentioning that again this au is based on our RP and QUITE CONTRARY TO CANON Golden Cheese and Burning Spice have NEVER been on truly bad terms. They’ve spent most of their time just awkward around each other but are practically besties now. Never a strictly negative relationship. So Golden Cheese doesn’t have as many problems as she probably would if this were a regular AU based on canon.

I wouldn’t be against writing this AU as an actual fic that’s based more on canon rather than my sister and I’s silly little RP! My only problem would be my severe writers block haha! I have 2 WIPs for CRK fics rn and it’s not looking great!!!!!!!!

Wait maybe if I made it an actual fic I could have the ships go in release order so it still starts with Dark Cacao but we swap GC and PV’s plots starting… hahaha… will have to brainstorm this. If ppl want a real AU ig.

Pure Vanilla goes back in time and dates the Fount of Knowledge while trying not to reveal the fact that he is a time traveler who owns half his soul jam