#like i always reblog stuff even if we dont follow each other if someones made a set and put it in the tag

[veronicaneptunes]

for a website obsessed with making posts about mutuals and supporting mutuals and the special lil bond between mutuals a lot of you guys dont reblog your mutuals hard worked on posts lol...

[the-w4cky-compound]

I dont like that Ive been made to be softer about expressing my boundaries and discomforts. Of course I dont expect myself to be allowed to scream or be mean back at someone, because sometimes it truly is just people not knowing that "Hey... you dont know this person so maybe you shouldnt joke with them the same way you joke with your friends-" thing. But like... man... I dont know if Im being too soft or passive or whatever the word is; but regardless it feels like Im being too lenient.

I repeat and I repeat and I repeat. The same boundaries over and over most of the time- this isnt just about the freak blog. This is about an in general thing. People talking down on me to get their request done faster, people following me to my other blogs to pester about the progress on their request-- theres a handful who have (and I assume theyre joking) been kind of... playfully mean... calling me names and stuff but like... I dont know you. I dont even think Id rock with my own friends calling me a bitch.

I think a part of my problem is that Im a people pleaser to my core, I dont want to risk upsetting people so I always reiterate my boundaries softer than I need to. I need to be firmer. But it makes me feel mean even if it really isnt. Idk Ive been thinking about this more lately and its exhausting.

Its either people getting too comfortable treating me like some writing machine, or people getting way too comfortable and thinking we are friends-- when I dont even know the majority of my followers like that. I think I only consider like... a small handful buddies

I know there was a post I reblogged a bit about that articulated the "people are getting too comfortable online with each other in a unhealthy way, existence does not immediately make one a friend/person that you know," that worded things a lot better but I cannot for the life of me find it

[nikethestatue]

La Dolce Vita

Summary: Elain Archeron and Azriel - in love, in lust, in Italy

Modern AU *slight TOG crossover. If you read my stuff, you know it’s LONG

Warnings: bad language and THIS IS NSFW (not kidding, this is a story, not just sex, but there is a LOT of explicit material here. You can still read the story, but if you are sensitive or underage, skip the naughty bits)

Comments are always appreciated/wanted/needed. Anon or not, just do it! Obviously, reblogs are appreciated. 

Part I (Flowers)

 La Vie En Rose

De l'homme auquel j'appartiens (Of the man to whom I belong)  Quand il me prend dans ses bras Il me parle l'a tout bas (He speaks to me softly) Je vois la vie en rose (And I see life in pink) Il me dit des mots d'amour (He speaks words of love to me) Des mots de tous les jours (They are every day words) Et ça m' fait quelque chose (And they do something to me) Il est entré dans mon coeur (He has entered into my heart) Une part de bonheur (A bit of happiness) Dont je connais la cause (That I know the cause of) C'est lui pour moi (It's only him for me) Moi pour lui dans la vie (And me for him, for life)

Now

Riding in a Ferrari, being enveloped in its supple, buttery leather, gulping in the cypress and cedar-scented air of Tuscany was everything that Elain Archeron had ever wanted. She never knew that this is what she wanted, because riding in very fast, very expensive, sleek Italian cars wasn’t on her ‘fantasy radar’, but now that she was in one, she suddenly came to the realization that this was perhaps one of the best experiences of her life.

The whole thing, so far, has been the best experience of her life.

Well…maybe not the best-best.

Her happiness was deeply intertwined with and caused by the man in the driver seat of the said Ferrari—Azriel. Azriel Archeron, as he loved calling himself. Even if this wasn’t his last name, he preferred using it over his family name, for a variety of personal reasons. There was nothing better, more sublime, more beautiful and more loving than Azriel. The perfect male specimen, if she could say so herself. No one would argue with her assessment either.

Elain

 They were introduced by her sister’s then-boyfriend Cass, who was giving her a lift one afternoon, and then suggested that they stop by Azriel’s car atelier, because he needed to pick something up.

Elain’s heard of the mysterious Azriel from her sisters, both of whom had claimed that he was the most handsome man that either one of them had ever seen. Elain chuckled at the exuberant praise, doubting its truthfulness. There was no such thing as the ‘most handsome’ man. Beauty was in the eyes of the beholder.

She wasn’t sure what a car atelier was, and when Cassian pulled up to a modern-looking building, she said that she’d stay in the car and wait.

“Come on, petal, don’t be shy,” Cassian urged her, holding the car door open for her in a way that indicated that she’d have to get out and follow him.

They entered the foyer, a vast space with racing stripes painted on the polished cement floor, and a sea of model cars dropping from the ceiling. Behind a wall of glass, Elain spied a row of gorgeous cars, none of which were familiar to her. Some unique European models, fit for James Bond’s consumption. There were also neat antique cars, probably from the 50s. She immediately had visions of Grace Kelly and Cary Grant riding in one of these along the Riviera coast.

“What’s this place?” she inquired, looking around at the mid-century modern building that resembled a spaceship.

“This is Az’s baby,” Cass explained vaguely. “Conceived, conceptualized, restored, outfitted—all by the brilliant mind of one Azriel Bagarat.”

“Are you bragging?”

A deep, sensual voice, that could only be called ‘midnight’ sounded behind them, and Cassian’s handsome, tanned face broke in a mischievous smile. “Only about you, brother!”

When Elain turned around, her breath was knocked out from her lungs.

She didn’t know that it was possible, to be actually stunned by someone’s beauty, but there she stood, gaping, feeling the world slow and move in a different manner for a few moments.

Standing at a towering 6”4 or so, the man was at least as tall as Cassian, and Cassian was the tallest man Elain’d ever met. She was just as muscular, but not as bulky. Clad in all black, from expensive, well-tailored Diesel jeans, to a soft t-shirt that stretched over his sharply cut torso, emphasizing the thick muscles of his arms and shoulders, and the narrow waist, true to her sisters’ word, this Azriel was simply exquisite.

Cassian draped his heavy arm around her shoulders and nudged her forward, just a bit, and said,

“Petal, say hello! This is my brother, Azriel. Az, this is my soon-to-be-sister-in-law, the one and only Elain Archeron.”

At the words ‘sister-in-law’ Elain whipped her head to Cassian, who grinned maniacally at her, nodding and answering her silent question.

“When? What are you talking about?” she exclaimed, Azriel momentarily forgotten. “What do you mean? You’ve only been seeing each other for like three months?!?”

“Baby girl, I don’t need three years to decide…Nes is Nes and she is the one for me.”

He shrugged with his usual ease, acting like they were discussing the weather or a good burger that he just ate.

“If Nes hears even a whiff of this, I will know it’s you, petal, and well, I am not sure what I will do,” he decided upon reflection, but then pleaded, “please, don’t tell her. This one,” he nodded towards Azriel, who was standing still, green eyes peeled to Elain, “I can trust. He hardly ever talks,”

“That’s because you talk for all of us,” noted Azriel with a smirk.

Elain chuckled, and turned back to face him.

He extended his hand to her, with an odd, tentative movement, and when she looked down, she saw old, mottled scars that covered his palm and part of his wrist and forearm. A vintage Patek Phillipe on his wrist.

“Beautiful,” she murmured, and he gave her a surprised look, unsure of what she was referring to.

“It’s always a pleasure to meet another Archeron sister,” he said with a soft smile, which made Elain lose her ability to speak for a good few moments, because she was finally able to take in that face that defied description. The sharp cheekbones and the mesmerizing amber and emerald eyes, almond-shaped and slanted hinted at a varied heritage, and unfairly, the man also possessed a perfect nose, and a full, sensuous mouth. He was the very definition of tall, dark, and handsome, with skin of burnished bronze, which was so in contrast to his bright eyes and raven-black hair, cut in a fashionable undercut. The physique, as she already noted, quickly skimming over the body, matched the face.

“Yes, me too,” she said stupidly.

Graceful, like a courtier, he offered her his arm and said,

“Would you like me to show you around?”

She didn’t want to be impolite, though she suddenly felt sweaty and nervous, and completely out of her league. But she threaded her hand through his arm and lightly squeezed the firm, alarmingly thick bicep.

“Thank you,” she mumbled.

She wasn’t sure what she was thinking him for, so she added, “yes, I’d love to see it.”

“Why haven’t we met?” he inquired, those green eyes watching her with such intensity that she felt almost undressed, bared under the gaze. It wasn’t unpleasant, because it wasn’t lascivious, and he didn’t strike her as someone who’d be disrespectful to women.

“I’ve been busy for the past half a year,” she explained.

“Doing what?”

They walked down the wide passage, past all the cars, which Azriel pointed out with a wave of his scarred hand, and dropped names like Pagani, BMW I8, Bugatti Divo, Bugatti Centodieci, Lamborghini Veneto, Koenigsegg CCXR Trevita and so forth. Elain might not have known a ton about cars, but she was not so unaware not to know that a Bugatti and a Lambo were expensive cars.

Cassian fell behind, gawking at the display.

“I was opening my own business,” Elain said, her head thrown back, looking at an entire toy racetrack mounted to the ceiling, with cars zooming by, and somehow, not falling on patrons’ heads.

“What sort of business?”

“Flowers,” she said absently, once they reached another space—a two story-restaurant, bar, and a patio outside as well.

“Flowers?”

“Oh, a flower shop,” she explained at last. Then muttered, awed, “this is really incredible!”

“A car enthusiast?” he smirked.

She didn’t know how it happened, but somehow, her hand migrated from the crook of his arm to his hand, and now, they walked along the walls lined with Ferrari posters, memorabilia and expensive everything. Walking and holding hands.

“I wouldn’t call myself one,” she admitted, “but I find cars aesthetically pleasing…Never got to ride in anything fancier than a Mercedes or a Lexus,”

“Well, we should remedy that at once!” he decided easily and then said, “pick you up on Friday at seven?”

That sobered her up a bit and she turned to face him. They stopped at the long, chrome-lined bar, and he said, “An espresso?”

“Um,”

But before she could respond, he was behind the counter, playing with a very fancy coffee machine that required a PhD to operate with all the levers and hooks and buttons, and in a few minutes, he poured her a tiny cup of coffee, thick with natural foam, and heady with its enticing scent.

He chugged his own in one go and she followed him, gulping her espresso in two sips. It was better than anything she’d ever drunk in her life.

“Like a date?” she finally asked, truly confused by the offer.

“Would you like it to be a date?” he leaned on the bar, biceps flexing, his arms covered in tattoo sleeves that reached all the way to his fingers. They were quite beautiful, the tattoos, the placement and the design, and Elain recognized the style, since Cassian and Rhysand wore the same kinds of tattoos, if not so extensive.

“Did you draw these?” she asked bluntly, touching her finger to a thick snaking black line, which was shaded with cobalt.

He looked down, at her hand and his arm and nodded, following her finger with his eyes.

“I did. For the three of us. When we made Navy Seals,”

“You are a Seal, too?” she exclaimed.

He smiled and nodded, “Well, we all grew up in foster care—not all, Cass and I,”

“I heard,”

“Until Rhys’s parents adopted us. But we weren’t the…best of boys,” he chortled, “so to get our heads straight, we were sent to the Navy after school. We figured we’d only stay a bit, but we stayed for a while.”

“So, you are retired?”

“We are vets,”

“How old are you?” she blurted. Then blushed and said, “I am sorry. I am usually not so impolite,”

He laughed, “I figured. But that’s alright. I’ll tell you on Friday, though. If you don’t mind?”

“I mean, I don’t mind,” she murmured, her eyes dropping to her espresso cup, “but,”

“How about this—I take you on a drive in one of these fancy cars—and then you can brag to everyone that you’d driven in a,”

He paused and rubbed his chin,

“Any preference?”

“For what?”

“What car you’d like to go in?”

“I don’t know,”

“Throw something at me,” he urged, eyes glinting with feral delight.

Elain, blush deepening, finally said, “Do you have a Ferrari? I’ve always wanted to drive in a Ferrari.”

“Ahhh, a Ferrarista at heart!” he nodded with approval, folding his arms on his chest, “stick with the classic and the best. And yes, gorgeous, I do have a Ferrari or two.”

Gorgeous.

Azriel

The girl who’d arrived with Cassian, was not Nesta, but there was something vaguely familiar about her. The girl who’d arrived with Cassian was the most gorgeous creature that Azriel had ever seen. Gorgeous and completely unaware.

Women like her, if they were smart and cunning and ambitious, used their beauty for all things good and terrible. But this exquisite creature that Cassian was so blatantly hugging and teasing wasn’t one of those women. Azriel was all too familiar with the types—the maneaters, who hounded him like sharks. He was wealthy, and good-looking, and a decent person, if not exactly a saint. He hobnobbed with celebrities who came to order his cars, which he designed and outfitted based on their specifications and desires.

He was finnicky when it came to taste though. No matter how much rappers asked him to clad their Maybach in gold or some vapid Gucci print, no matter how many heiresses pouted and asked for a bubblegum or Barbie-pink Ferraris, he did not betray the essence and soul of the vehicle. Modify, define, sharpen, stylize—he did it all with precision and skill which was unparalleled. But Azriel Bagarat was known for rejecting even the juiciest of offers, if the request did not coincide with his aesthetic or the history of the car.

He was at his shop—that’s what he called it, though atelier sounded infinitely better and more expensive—that afternoon, knowing that Cassian was going to drop by and select a car for his grandiose proposal to Nesta. There was some concern that Cassian would not fit his 6”5 form into an Aston Martin or a Bentley, so they needed to make sure that the car was appropriate for the occasion and the occupant. Cass insisted on a British vehicle, feeling that Nesta would like something classic and timeless. So be it.

What Azriel did not expect to see that Tuesday afternoon was a girl--because he hesitated to call her a ‘woman’, since she looked so lovely and perfect and innocent--who took his breath away.

His breath had been taken away only once before, by Rhys’s cousin, who strolled like a ray of sunshine into their broken lives.

However, Morrigan chose Cassian. And then Cassian promptly impregnated her, causing a great discontent and strife between everyone. Morrigan, or rather Morgana d’Adda, though she anglicized her name, even if Morrigan d’Adda sounded funny, was just about disavowed by her family for tumbling, and being so stupid and blind as to get knocked up by a hulking nobody mulatto, as her father Keir called Cassian. Rather, sneered, at Cassian.

Even if Azriel didn’t impregnate anybody, he somehow got looped into the family bullshit and once he and Cassian turned 18, they were both shipped off to the navy. To the dismay of the entire Darling clan, Rhys followed them, tossing away his guaranteed admittance to Brown. An Ivy League school for rich stupid heirs. Only Rhys wasn’t stupid. Neither was Cassian a hulking nobody mulatto. And Azriel wasn’t just the ‘fucking weird kid, who might be a serial killer’. They served and they passed the insane Navy Seal training, and they proved themselves.

Nowadays, Cassian now ran security for the Darling conglomerate, while Rhys took over the reins when his father was killed in a car accident. Azriel found his own path, though the association with the Darling name certainly helped his exposure and in building relationships and meeting all the right people. And meeting all the women. The three brothers had gone through their share of wild times, but in the past 3 years, things began to calm down for them.

It began with Rhys meeting Feyre Archeron at an art gallery, where she was exhibiting some of her pieces. Azriel had tugged along with Rhys to see the exhibit, because Rhys was looking for some art for his new office, and he trusted Azriel’s taste and knowledge, and wanted a second pair of eyes.

Rhys followed Feyre like a dog throughout the evening—Azriel was there to witness the pathetic display—and then they ended up at a bar, doing shots and feeding Feyre virgin Cosmos, since she wasn’t even 21 yet. They went to some dance club, Azriel playing the third-wheel and ‘chaperone’, though by the end of the night, Rhys and Feyre disappeared together and weren’t heard from for the next three days.

… “What if he killed her?” proposed Cassian for 100th time, pacing back and forth, running his fingers through his long black hair. “Or what if she killed him?”

“I thought that I was the serial killer among the three of us,” drawled Azriel, sprawled on a sofa, watching a game. He wasn’t as concerned, having seen Rhys dripping with intense lust at the sight of the brown-haired teen. It was unusual, since at that time Rhys was almost 25, and Feyre only 19, and the three of them typically tried to avoid teenagers like the plague. But Rhysand Darling seemed genuinely enthralled.

“No, you are the guy with the sex dungeon,” corrected Cassian.

Azriel rolled his eyes, “serial killer with a sex dungeon, huh? Sounds like an interesting story. Alas, much as I’d like to, I don’t have a sex dungeon.”

“Aren’t you building one? In that new garage of yours?” Cassian shrugged.

“Only cars. No sex toys,” sighed Azriel, looking like that might have been an omission on his part.

“Gents, I think I am in love!” the door burst open and a wild-eyed Rhys appeared, his normally pristine hair in disarray, his cheeks flushed, wearing only a white t-shirt and jeans.

“Where the fuck were you for three days?” growled Cassian, showing considerable relief at the sight of his brother.

“Falling in love,” crooned Rhys, falling into a chair, a stupid, dazed look on his face.

“You look like Audrey Hepburn in ‘Sabrina’,” noted Azriel.

“I feel like Audrey Hepburn!” exclaimed Rhys. “She is perfect. Feyre is perfect.”

What the fuck? Mouthed Cassian in confusion.

“Feyre Darling,” whispered Rhys with delight, eyes closed, tasting the sound of the name on his tongue. “Feyre Archeron Darling. Or Feyre Darling Archeron?”

“You alright there, buddy?” Cassian frowned. “A little early to be talking last names?”

“She’ll be my wife,” announced Rhysand with his usually unwavering confidence.

And that was that.

Now, the ‘society wedding of the year’ was coming up in three months. Rhysand Darling and Feyre Archeron, the toast of the town, the power couple, the young and beautiful billionaires.

 Now, Azriel stood in front of the most stunning female he’d ever seen and for once, he felt like Rhys. His brain turned into a soupy mess, and he found himself tongue-tied and concentrating was suddenly difficult. He wanted to be a gracious host and a confident, formidable man, who had a reputation to uphold—though he wasn’t sure if Elain was aware of his reputation—but inside, he was a mess. All his insecurities, doubts and self-hate rose to the surface at once, and he hesitated to extend his hand in greeting to her. His mangled, horrible, revolting hand, which was sullied beyond its extensive scars. A hand that killed, and touched way too women, some of whom he probably shouldn’t have been touching at all.

“Beautiful,” she murmured softly, that gorgeous blush spreading over her rose-petal cheeks.

He was so taken aback by the comment, he was nearly flabbergasted when she didn’t pull away, didn’t frown or grimace in disgust, didn’t display any of the usual signs of revulsion that most women did when they saw his hands. Perhaps it was the Patek Phillipe, he tried to convince himself, but deep down he knew—she called his scars ‘beautiful’.

And then she took his arm, her hand strong, surprisingly calloused, if light, and small.

And from that moment on, Azriel became obsessed with that touch.

His body heated and as he led her to the bar, and showed her around his pride and joy, watching for the subtle reactions, for the gleam of wonder and appreciation in her eyes, he couldn’t release…wouldn’t release her hand from his. She asked questions, took in all the memorabilia and gawked at the cars, and then the guest area, and finally, when he sat her down at the bar and made her a coffee, he stepped closer. Trying not to scare her, or seem obnoxious, he couldn’t help invading her personal space, and stood next to her, pretending to take interest in his drink, while hoping that her arm would brush against his own. Skin to skin.

She didn’t pull away. Didn’t shy away.

He didn’t expect himself to ask her on what amounted to a date, because he wasn’t even sure how dates worked. His usual ammo consisted of a brief introduction, an even quicker seduction and then a hook up. That’s how he liked it. He preferred no-strings-attached approach to his involvement with women, and it’s been working rather well for him. He never had to sleep with anyone in the same bed, he never had to make anyone breakfast, there was no room for idle chitchat, and usually no second or third dates. It was so easy.

This fucking girl, with her caramel-brown eyes, her golden-amber curls, her soft lips and that damn blush on her cheeks—she was driving him veritably insane with her unique mix of immaculate beauty and a friendly, almost naïve, strangely innocent disposition. And he wanted to go on a date with her. Without an ulterior motive, because at it stood right now, he didn’t care to even get her in bed. That would come later. He was absolutely determined to have this happen later. But…later.

Cassian

“Alrighty, I think I am going with the Bentley,” Cassian sidled to the bar, and interrupted.

If Azriel was annoyed, he didn’t show it.

Cassian spied them at last, making his way through the cavernous entrails of the garage, with all its gleaming cars, the beautiful patrons who were discussing options with no-less beautiful sales people,  and even on-premises tattoo shop, which specialized in Azriel’s sketches and catered to those who didn’t have money to actually outfit their Bugatti to their heart’s desire, but could at least claim that they got a Bagarat tattoo inked on their skin.

Elain and Azriel were standing side by side, somehow melding together nicely, her pretty dress and high-heeled sandals and piles of loose hair in drastic contrast with Azriel’s all-black ensemble, his massive height and the span of his shoulders. But she did not balk from him. Cassian also noticed that she didn’t react to the scars, which Azriel was very self-conscious about, and seemed genuinely interested in the garage.

It was inevitable that the two would eventually meet, especially with the wedding coming up and all the wedding related brouhaha. However, Cassian wanted to have the dibs on gloating down the line, and reminding the two of them, forever, about how it was he who introduced them. Yes, Azriel fucked a lot of models and rich girls, for whom he, strangely, was a riff on a ‘bit of rough’, while being hardly ‘rough’ at all. Azriel was elegant and possessed excellent taste in everything, and he probably had the best manners out of the lot of them. But the tattoos, the cars, the aura of brooding mystery about him, and his generally quiet ways were like honey to the throngs of women who lusted after him.  

About Azriel, Cassian had no doubts.

Cassian knew Azriel probably better than anyone alive, and even that wasn’t saying much, but he was very aware of Azriel’s ‘secret type’ of woman. Basically, it was Elain. Everything about Elain Azriel would like—of that Cassian was certain. Elain was the elusive ‘ideal woman’ of whom Azriel dreamt, but never actually pursued. Slightly unconventional, soft, kind, generous—lovely, would be a good word—Elain was everything that Azriel never had with any other women.

Cassian could already see the hunger and flicker of completely besotted adoration in Azriel’s normally cold eyes.

He was less certain about Elain, having never seen her with a boyfriend. When he had asked Nesta about Elain’s situation, Nesta shrugged and said that Elain was beautiful, but naïve, dreamy and rarely dated.

“A Bentley it is then,” Azriel turned around, though his elbow still touched Elain’s arm. “You’ll fit, big boy?”

Elain giggled.

“I am not Rowan,” Cassian muttered. “I am human sized.”

“Only just.”

“You are the same height,” Cassian reminded him coolly.

“I am a little more human-shaped too.”

Cassian rolled his eyes and said, “Come on, petal. While I love to stand here and listen to his insults, we gotta go.”

Elain’s face dropped into a sad frown only for a second, but she recovered immediately. Cassian noticed it, nevertheless. His petal of a girl didn’t want to leave his brother’s side.

“Bye Azriel,” she said, taking his hand in hers again, of her own volition, and squeezing it lightly. “It was very nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” he said. His fingers wrapped over her palm, and he said, “I’ll walk you two out.”

So, his brooding brother didn’t want to release the newfound petal of a girl.

How interesting.

Once they were in Cassian’s Jeep, Elain looked out the window, a dreamy look on her face.

“Oh-oh,” Cassian chuckled, as he navigated the narrow NYC streets.

“What?”

“I know that look,” he winked.

“What look?” she frowned.

“The ‘oh gods, Azriel is so handsome!’ look. Oh, he is so gorgeous look. Oh, he is so sexy look.”

“He is handsome,” she agreed blandly, knowing that arguing would be silly.

“I hope that you gave him your number,” he said. “Because if you didn’t, I will.”

“It’s none of your business,” she crossed her arms on her chest, and Cass howled loudly.

“You are welcome, by the way,”

“You are ridiculous,” she muttered. “I don’t know how Nesta tolerates you!”

“Oh, Nes tolerates me and then some,” and winked again.

Now

“My love, slow down a bit,” Elain requested, as the road zigzagged among rows of cypresses.

“I thought that you wanted to make it to Florence before traffic hit?” Azriel squeezed her fingers and brought her hand to his lips.

“Seeing that we are already running late, we might as well enjoy the drive,” she shrugged.

A honey-coloured strand of her hair fell out from under the gauzy wrap that she wore around her head a-la Grace Kelley.

“Good.”

“Good what?” she turned her face to him and knocked him out all over again. By the Mother she was superb in every way, and she was his. He couldn’t believe his absurd luck. Things like these didn’t happen to him. Elain was not meant to be his. Yet, here she was, his lovely gentle girl, who loved him with incomprehensible passion and devotion. His.

The hefty, borderline outlandish ring on her finger was proof of that.

He’d worked hard on that ring, designing it himself, wanting to incorporate everything that he loved about her and about the two of them into the design. The result was this stunner that glittered madly in the Italian sun, sitting on her manicured finger, the skin of her arm kissed by a golden tan.

His beautiful girl loved flowers, and she loved him, so her ring, in its platinum setting was a remarkable rose, reflecting Elain’s green thumb and life’s work. He selected the diamond himself, and the amethysts that comprised the petals, even the tiny onyx inserts, to signify him and the black ink of his tattoos. The ring was both extravagant—especially in carats—but intimate as well, a flower that spoke of his eternal love for this woman.

“I am going to take you somewhere, which I think you’d like,” he teased.

“Where?”

“How does lots of flowers sound?”

She smiled. 

Azriel

For gods’ sake, he was nervous. Azriel was not prone to nervousness or panic or discomfort, but this date, or whatever it was, filled him with dread.

He shouldn’t have asked her.

He was stupid and blinded by her beauty, by her deliciously voluptuous body, by the long, slender legs, by her shy, sweet smile. Those blushes. For the love of everything, those fine, adorable, sexy blushes.

She was part of the family network—both of his brothers were now in love with her sisters. It was cliché and unrealistic and unbelievable that she and he would end up in the same boat. Besides, he wasn’t so lucky as to have someone like her accept him. So, he was making a huge fucking mistake. If this was all going to go sour—which inevitably it would, of that he had no doubt—he’d mess up the delicate balance that existed between the Darling, Bagarat and Cavalhe brothers and the Archeron sisters. She’d reject him and then it would be awkward. Awkward for the upcoming wedding, in which he and Elain were supposed to couple up and be together in the wedding party. Rhys said, ‘fuck it’ and asked both him and Cassian to be best men, while Feyre had both of her sisters as maids-on-honour. There was no escaping it. Therefore, it would be awkward for the wedding, and then for Christmas and all the summer BBQs and pool parties and…well, he might just have to find excuses to never attend anything, ever.

But here he was, standing in front of an old-fashioned, cute corner storefront in the Village. Flower displays spilled on the sidewalk, and the windows, along with the marble edifice reminded him of Paris. This was exactly how he’d picture Elain’ store—slightly whimsical, elegant, classic, but modern. Au Nom de la Rose – The Name of the Rose—perfectly appropriate for Elain’s store name.

She wasn’t waiting for him outside, and he circled the block three times before, by some miracle, finding a parking space and leaving the silver Ferrari, and then made his way back to the store, arriving 4 minutes late, which was completely unacceptable. The store was technically closed at this hour, but he knocked and heard Elain’s voice telling him to come in. Some internal pressure inside of him released at the sound of her voice.

He entered and whistled,

“That’s a lot of flowers!”

Yep, definitely a glamourized 50’s Paris vibe.

“Azriel, I am so sorry, I am not ready,” Elain came from behind the counter, looking a bit frazzled.

“It’s alright I will wait,” he assured her, but she shook her head and said,

“No…I just received a huge order. An emergency order for an anniversary party. Azriel, it’s my biggest order ever!”

“That’s excellent!” he found himself feeling genuinely happy for her, if not for her concerned expression. “What’s up?”

“I…I,” she stumbled. “Feyre or Nesta would usually come and help out if I need them, but Feyre is in LA, and Nesta…” she swallowed, “Nesta is indisposed.”

Nes is on her period and is feeling like crap, read Cassian’s text from earlier today. I am going fishing. Care to join? Or are you busy romancing a certain Archeron sister?

Nesta was indisposed indeed, though Azriel didn’t feel like he needed to know the details.

“It’s a 25th Anniversary, and I have to make 25 bouquets and 15 centerpieces. The couple’s original florist fell through and they contacted me, in a panic, and I agreed,” she babbled, tugging on her long braid nervously. “And it’s for tomorrow,”

“Alright then,” he shrugged, “what’s the problem then? I am here.”

She looked up at him, her gaze both hopeful and confused.

“You? What are you going to do? I am sorry, Azriel, I am so sorry, we’d have to postpone,”

“We’d have to postpone our drive, but I am here. Use me.”

“Use you?”

“Use my body,” he chuckled, and she giggled an amused laugh.

“I appreciate the offer,” and when he thought that she’d continue rejecting his offer of help, she did the right thing and was a smart girl, nodding at last, and said, “will you truly help?”

“I am not a flower expert,”

“I wouldn’t have guessed,” she grinned.

He removed his jacket, rolled up his sleeves and said, “Teach me, Archeron. I am an apt pupil.”

He was. Elain showed him model bouquets and thankfully, he wasn’t dumb or clumsy enough to screw them up, once he began copying the originals.

Night fell, and they ordered pizza and he went to get a bottle of wine from the store across the street.

Sitting on the floor of the store, surrounded by piles of flowers, vases, ribbons and twine, they ate pizza, laughing throughout the evening. She stretched her long, bare legs in front of her, crossing them at the ankles, and he couldn’t get enough—the pretty toes, the pale golden skin and the sexy pink nail polish. He didn’t want to seem like a creep, but he snuck more than a few glances at her feet when she wasn’t looking.

It was well past midnight when they were finally done.

He stretched on the floor and tucked his arm behind his head.

She kneeled above him, at his side, and said, “Azriel, thank you. I can’t, honestly, thank you enough. You saved me. Maybe my business too!”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he retorted gently, “but this was fun…and educational.”

“How can I repay you?” she asked.

“Well, well,” he drummed his fingers on the floor, pretending to think. “So many possibilities,”

At that, she flushed, and he licked his lips, loving the sight of that pink on her cheeks.

“Let’s make a bargain,” he proposed at last.

“A bargain?” her brow furrowed.

He nodded.

“For my exceptional assistance during your time of trouble and despair, you will agree to an outing with me, of my choosing. To do whatever I want.”

Elain stared at him, biting her plump lower lip.

“Are we going to do something bad?” she finally asked uncertainly.

He grinned and without thinking, cupped her cheek.

She didn’t recoil.

He drew his thumb over her soft skin and she leaned into his palm just a little bit. Gods it felt good. So good. So good to have her so near, so receptive, so unafraid. But he dropped his hand.

“You think I will take you to knock off a couple of 7-11s?”

“Well, if I am entering this death bargain with you, then who the hell knows?” she shrugged.

He laughed, “Death bargain? A little dramatic, are we?”

She was still sitting there, biting her lip, and all he wanted to do was drag his tongue over it. Kiss her large, brown eyes. Fist his hand around the thick mass of her hair, tilt her head and kiss her until she was breathless.

What the hell was wrong with him?

He never acted like this!

He never thought like this.

He was a rational, controlled, some said, cold man.

Not to say that he wasn’t able to find a woman immediately attractive, or want to fuck her, but this was different. This was unknown.

“Fine,” she shrugged.

“Fine?” he repeated, smiling.

“Don’t make me do anything bad,” she warned.

“Wouldn’t dream of it!” he promised. “I wouldn’t lead you astray. But,” he sat up, draping his forearms over his knees, “where do you live? Let me take you home,”

“I can take an Uber,”

He gave her an incredulous look and she nodded without further arguments.

“Where do you live?” he asked, once they were outside, somehow internally thrilled that perhaps, she’d invite him inside. He wouldn’t expect anything, obviously, but it would be nice see where she lived, what her private space looked like. So far, he couldn’t pinpoint her style with any accuracy, an interesting mixture of vintage and modern, of flowers and thorns.

“Just two blocks down,” she said, as she locked up the shop.

He gave her his arm, and it seemed like she almost expected it, because she immediately thrust her hand into the loop and he smiled softly.

The little white shorts and the flowery top did things to him, and he was glad to walk side by side, so to prevent himself from staring at her long legs and her neat, lush ass. He was already a mess over her legs, over her bending and squatting in front of him for the past four-five hours.

It was dark and quiet on the street, and they walked in a comfortable silence, each thinking of something of their own.

And then,

Elain sprawled face down on the pavement.

She cried out, landing on her knees on the asphalt, just barely having the time to brace herself on her hand, and ripping the skin of her palm.

Azriel was instantly on his knees in front of her.

Tears glistened in her eyes. Possibly from pain, because as she flipped on her butt, they saw that her knees were torn and bleeding, as was her palm, or maybe from shock, as well as embarrassment.

“Shhh,” he cooed gently to her, “are you okay?”

She shook her head. A lonely tear spilled from her eyes.

“Tissues?” he asked quickly, surveying the damage. Bruises were already blossoming on her scuffed kneecaps, all around the wounds.

She wordlessly handed him her bag, allowing him to rummage through it and he found a packet of old tissues, which he gingerly pressed to her bleeding knees.

“My ankle hurts,” she muttered, reaching down to inspect it.

“Let me,” he took her legs and looked over her ankle. She glared questioningly at him, still in some sort of stupor, not understanding what had occurred, and why she was now sitting on the ground, bleeding.

“You broke your heel,” he nodded to her foot and she glanced down, finally realizing that her heel caught in a crack in the pavement. The impact was so strong, it actually fully detached from the sole of the shoe.

“I am sorry,” she mumbled.

“You should be,” he chuckled, “you gave me quite a scare. I thought you were shot; you went down so quickly!”

She pushed at his arm, half laughing, and have crying.

“Stop making me laugh!” she ordered, sniffling and giggling. “Auuu, it hurts...”

He was lightly pressing on her ankle, and then said, “it’s just twisted. You’ll need ice, but it should be okay…”

“Ok, Doctor Azriel,” she even rolled her eyes slightly and he laughed, flicking her nose.

“I am trained on how to treat combat wounds and catastrophic field injuries, I’ll have you know,” he said and then gave her his hand. “On your feet, soldier! Let me see if you can stand.”

Moaning and groaning, she managed to stand up, but putting any weight on her foot caused a yelp to escape her lips.

“Alright, come on now,” he stepped and opened his arms, “jump in.”

“Jump in where?”

“Jump into my arms, of course.”

“What are you planning to do? Swing me around?”

“I could swing you around, but I was planning on carrying you home, and then making you an ice pack and disinfecting all your cuts.”

Without waiting for her to decide, he scooped her off the ground and she gasped, and he wasn’t sure what the little huff meant.

“But it’s like two blocks!” she protested feebly, and unconvincingly, “I am heavy.”

“Ooohhh,” he groaned dramatically, hefting her to his chest, as they started off. “Sooo, so heavy!”

“I am the fattest of my sisters,” she argued, and even in the darkness he saw that she was blushing realizing how silly her comment was.

“Well, considering that Nesta is like 90 lbs. and Feyre 110 lbs., that’s not saying much,” he assured her.

She was soft and warm in his arms, and when, without prompting, she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him, he felt utterly at peace. Because the pieces of them fit. She fit him.

Blood still dripping, and her arms thrown over his neck, Azriel walked steadily, cradling her to his chest, until they finally reached a pre-War building, and she said, “There is no elevator.”

“Don’t tell me you are on the 6th floor!” he laughed, looking up.

“The third.”

“Guess I will have to haul the fattest of the Archeron sisters to the 3rd floor!” he sighed, and she smacked his arm, protesting,

“You can’t say that!”

He was laughing and she began to laugh as well.

“You said it first,” he reminded her.

 Her apartment was small, but she’d arranged the furniture in such a way that everything seemed more spacious, and orderly, without unnecessary frills. Mostly grays, turquoise, cobalt and creamy-white. For some reason, he thought that there would be much more pink and general fluff. This though, this he liked.

He sat her down on the sofa and went to the bathroom to find bandages and plasters and other items. She called out from her spot, telling him where to find things and he finally emerged and began working on all her wounds.

“Haven’t lost a soldier yet,” he told her with a chuckle. He kneeled in front of her, and his touch was firm, but surprisingly gentle, as he thoroughly washed every scuff and tear, and then disinfected and decided what needed bandages and what didn’t.

Elain remained mostly silent throughout the procedure, watching him from under her lashes.

“You are nice,” she said suddenly.

He looked at her and smirked.

“Not with anyone.”

“Everyone just says how handsome you are,” she lay her head on the back cushion, watching him. He gave her a painkiller, and it was making her drowsy. It was also late. She rarely stayed up this late. “But you are also very nice,” she added.

Elain

She woke up that morning, and was struck by the unfamiliar environment. And pain.

Her knees ached and screamed and hurt, as did her palm.

Light poured through the windows; the curtains still open.

She found herself on her sofa, haphazardly covered by a throw, and with her legs resting on Azriel’s lap.

Fuck.

Fuck.

He was here. With her.

He never left after last night’s debacle.

She was a clumsy cow, as always, but the incident was unusually embarrassing, even for her. She always spilled or dropped stuff on herself, tripped, stumbled, and fell on her ass at inopportune times, but last night…By the Mother!

The man was gosh darn saint. Not only did she screw up their evening plans, made him work and make bouquets with her, which, probably wasn’t the most exciting thing for him to spend the evening on, but she also almost ate the pavement, and then he carried her for half a mile! And cared for her when they came here. And spent, what must have been a horribly uncomfortable night in a half-seated position, with her, no doubt, pushing at him with her feet.

Yep, she was never going to see him again.

Good going, Elain. Fine job you did of this ‘relationship’. Now, for the rest of her life, she’d be forced to see him at family gatherings, probably with some stunning model of a wife, and he’d always remember her as the girl who tore her heel on the pavement.

She wanted to cry.

Not that she ever, even for a second, believed that this would go anywhere. Her and Azriel. That wasn’t possible. Things like these didn’t happen to her. She was strange and solitary and even if others claimed that she was pretty, going so far as to call her ‘beautiful’, she never felt like that. When Nesta got mad at her, she’d call her a ‘petty idiot’ and Elain felt like that more frequently than she cared to admit. And Azriel…he was cut from a different cloth. He was…

She looked at his face, still perfect, but ever so slightly relaxed and softened in sleep, his eyelids heavy and enviably long, thick lashes fanned over his golden-brown cheeks. He was funny, with a quick, dry sense of humour, intelligent and interesting, and when they talked last night, she couldn’t get enough! He told her fascinating stories from his time in the Navy, about his dream, which resulted in the creation of his beloved garage. It took him three years to open the place—conceptualize what he wanted, how to deliver it, the items to showcase. The result was not just the ‘garage’, but also the popular bar, and recently, a restaurant as well.

Scarred fingers touched her hand and he opened his eyes.

“Good morning,” he whispered, squinting at her. “How are you? How’s the pain?”

“Azriel,” she murmured, not even knowing how to thank him, but she attempted, “I want to,”

“Pancakes?” he asked eagerly.

She glanced at him with incomprehension.

“May I make you, or us, pancakes?” he proposed. “I’ve been sort of thinking about this all night. How I’d like to make you pancakes,”

“I want to thank,”

He lifted his finger and shook his head,

“No, no. My Italian mother would tell you that you should never thank anyone for providing medical help,”

“Why?”

“According to my psychotically superstitious Italian side of the family, the remedy or healing won’t take, if you offer thanks. Imagine, I was forbidden from ever saying ‘thank you’ to a doctor,”

She chuckled.

“So, you are Italian?”

“Mom’s side is half Neapolitan and half from Lazio—near Rome.”

He sat up and rolled his neck.

“Can I at least say that I am sorry that you had to be so uncomfortable and sleep on the couch?” she asked.

“It’s alright. Not the best night I’ve ever had, but not the worst one either. The company was nice too,” and he patted her legs.

A tiny flare of hope lit in her belly.

But she didn’t allow herself to have it take root.

Maybe not until he gathered her legs together on his lap and drew his fingers up and down her calf.

“But really, how is the pain?” he asked at last, watching her with his intense, warm eyes. The eyes didn’t warm frequently, it seemed, but when they looked at her—

He was different somehow.

Kind. Approachable.

“It’s fine,” she waved her hand, not wanting to burden him any longer with her dumb injuries.

Those long, scarred fingers glided over her skin, and a small smirk touched his lips, “May I kiss it better?”

She blinked at him.

“I hear that I am very good at making pain go away,” he added proudly, and then, his lips descended on her scuffed and bruised knees. She kissed each one, tenderly, and then took her hand and brought it to his lips, and pressed his mouth to the inside of her palm. Her breath hitched and she stared at him, wide-eyed, as he watched her, unblinking, gaging every minute reaction. He kissed her hand, inside and then out, and then kissed the other, even though it wasn’t injured, and then returned to her knees and kissed them again.

At last, “Better?” he asked.

She only mooed incoherently.

…Azriel, by the stove, flipping pancakes was the sexiest thing Elain had ever seen in her life.

Clad in dark slacks, in his white shirt from last night, with sleeves rolled up and the tattoo sleeves on full display, he stood in her kitchen, barefoot and flipped pancakes like a pro.

“You cook too?” she asked incredulously.

He laughed.

“Too? In addition to what?”

“I don’t know,” she was still perched on the sofa, like an invalid, but after she washed her face and brushed her hair, he ordered her to sit and not make unnecessary moves. “Everything?”

“My repertoire is limited, when it comes to the kitchen, but what I know how to make, I make well. Cassian is a better cook.”

“Cass?” she smiled.

“Nesta is lucky to have him,” Azriel added, somewhat wistfully.

Elain looked at him and nodded. “I think so too.”

“He is a good man. Maybe the best man I’ve ever known. Where my own family failed, he stepped in, though he is a year younger than me. But he taught me…how to be. Accepted me. Unconditionally. Taught me how to swim, how to ride a bike, how to fight.”

“And you?”

“I? I helped him with his reading,” Azriel rubbed his chin, his stance a little tense.

She didn’t say anything, waiting to see if he felt like sharing more.

“It was neglected,” he said at last. “His reading and writing. So, we sat together, late at night, at our foster parents’ house and read.”

He then asked, “coffee?”

The moment of reminiscing was over, and Elain did not press.

She nodded to one of the cupboards and he pulled out a tub of coffee and grimaced.

“This is what you drink?”

“Hey, it’s good coffee! I buy it at Trader Joe’s!” she laughed defensively.

“Baby, we are drinking Italian coffee in this house,” he decided, and there was no arguing with that logic.

 That’s how Elain became Azriel’s ‘baby’.

In their house, they always drank Italian coffee.

 Twenty minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

“Thanks Nu,” Azriel greeted a lanky, very thin, very tall girl, who handed him two packages and then winked at him and disappeared wordlessly.

“My assistant, Nuala,” he explained, showing Elain two packages of Lavazza coffee. “This will do for now.”

Elain hobbled to the small butcher block island that she’d restored from a console that she found at a flea market. “You text someone and they just appear?”

He grinned and shrugged innocently.

“I know a guy.”

“Of course you do. Are you in the mafia?”

“First of all, rude,” he placed a plate of chocolate chip pancakes in front of her and then poured her coffee, “second of all, I just know a guy.”

“Who knows where to buy Lavazza on a Saturday morning?” she wondered, tucking into the pancakes.

“I have a network of spies,” he winked at her.

She sipped on the coffee, perhaps not as good a cup as he’d made her at his garage, but glorious nevertheless. “Are you in the CIA?”

“Not in the mafia or the CIA. Just a lowly car guy.”

“Uh-uh.”

They toasted with their coffee cups and Azriel said, “not bad for a first date. Blood and flowers. Very romantic.”

It was that morning, that sunny Saturday morning, over a plate of pancakes and some Italian coffee that Elain Archeron fell in love.

She fell in love completely.

Utterly.

Irreversibly.

And forever.

Now

Azriel turned off to some side road and how he knew where to go, Elain had no idea, but she just enjoyed the scents and warmth of the day.

“You know,” she laughed. “We are literally under the Tuscan sun right now!”

“All your dreams are coming true,” he ran a loving hand over her bare arm and she tore her gaze from the scenery around her.

“My dreams came true when I met you,” she confessed. “That was the day.”

“So easily impressed!” he teased, but she saw that her words touched something in him. His face softened with happiness.

“Az, slow down,” she whispered, an almost painful pull to kiss him spreading over her. “I want to kiss you.”

He looked at her, eyes hidden behind his Aviator shades, but slowed down and she leaned towards him and planted her mouth on his cheek.

“Lips,” she murmured with audible desperation.

“Baby, I don’t want to bust up this nice Ferrari,” he laughed. “And you, who is riding in it.”

Pouting, she ordered, “Then pull over so I can kiss you!”

He laughed louder, throwing his head back, his gorgeous tanned neck annoyingly desirable.

She wanted to bite his vein, lick the salty skin of his neck, and then sink her teeth into his shoulder. Elain was a biter. And a scratcher. Good thing that Azriel was a benevolent lover, who didn’t care if she left his body marked with her love, and didn’t mind the pain. In fact, he encouraged it.

His heavy brown hand lay on her knee, under the hem of her summer dress and he said,

“Why don’t I do something nice for you… then you can kiss me…”

“But I want to kiss you now,” she frowned playfully.

His hand slid a little higher, up her bare thigh, and he pressed his scarred palm into her thin, tender skin, rubbing slowly, indulgently. This was just as much for her as it was for him.

She threw her head into the back of the seat, eyes closed.

Until she yelped softly, when his wicked hand slipped higher and higher, pushing her dress up as well.

“Azriel Bagarat,” she murmured, “what am I going to do with you? And your love for public nudity and lovemaking…”

He shrugged oh so innocently and said, “firstly, it’s Archeron to you, and,”

“Not just yet,” she wiggled her ring-clad hand in front of him, “not until we got the paper and all, to make us official,”

They rolled their eyes at the same time and then laughed.

“And secondly, who can blame me?” he leaned and kissed her shoulder. “You are very hot. And I sort of want to fuck you all the time.”

His long, very experienced fingers made their way even higher, until he drew them along the cotton of her underwear, lightly pressing into the cleft, teasing ever so lightly. She shifted against the fingertips, her thighs falling apart in silent encouragement.

Elain was a giving and a receptive lover, innately knowing what he wanted and accommodating both of their needs thoughtfully, and easily.

“What do you want, baby?” he murmured.

“To kiss you,” she insisted stubbornly.

He huffed his amusement, and then pushed his finger deeper, firmer against the cotton, whispering,

“How about this?”

“This is nice, I suppose,”

“Only nice?” he withdrew his finger in warning and she grabbed his wrist, and thrust it back in place.

“Maybe a little better than ‘nice’, huh?” he teased.

“A little,” she agreed, gasping when he cupped her fully, swiping his heel of his palm against the length of her folds, feeling the dampness against his skin. Bold, as he always was, he moved the strip of cotton to the side, and hiked up her dress ever higher, exposing her to his exploration.

He snuck a glance at her perfectly peachy, pink pussy, bare and succulent, like a ripe fruit dripping with its sweet juices.

He groaned and then hissed, “I am stopping, right now. I want you coming on my tongue in the next four minutes,”

“So confident, ombre?”

She took to calling him ombre or ‘shadow’, when, early in their relationship, he kept materializing in front of her out of nowhere, stepping out of the shadows. He laughed, but didn’t mind the endearment. What’s more, it became a private thing between the two of them—he’d call her ‘rose’ and she’d call him ‘ombre’. It wasn’t nauseatingly sugary sweet and could be used in public without making people gag. Unlike, for example, the Darlings, who, for whatever reason called each other ‘my darkness’. Or Cassian, who sometimes went with ‘schmoopie’, braving Nesta’s wrath.

Azriel laughed, while incessantly dragging his finger back and forth over the wet slit, without doing much else, and making her gasp and squirm.

“That I can make you come on my tongue in 4 minutes? Fuck yeah! Want me to prove it?”

“Oh, no, no, no,” she shook her head, “you don’t get to just do whatever the hell you want, when you want it. If I don’t get my kiss, you don’t get to,”

“What? Lick your pussy? I feel like the punishment is unreasonable,” he protested.

She gave him a sultry look, a look that only he was privy to, and then murmured, spreading her legs a little wider for him,

“Maybe I want to lick something of yours?” she proposed, her voice husky, pouring like honey over his ear.

“I wouldn’t be opposed,” he choked out, finally parting the soft cushions of her folds and dragging his knuckles over the wet spread of her. The intoxicating scent of her arousal, mixed with the Italian sunshine and the smell of grass, flowers and cypresses was so heady, he almost swerved, stopping only quick enough to grip the steering wheel tightly in his left hand.

Gods, if he was going to make it to their next destination, he would be impressed with himself. But it was close.

Azriel

Elain loved getting fingered. That was the first thing he learned about her sexually—kissing and fingering.

In the privacy of their world, he fingered her constantly.

It was almost an obligation on his part by now, to have her wake up, tucked into his side, while gently, but thoroughly pumping her soft, indescribably tight center. No matter how many times he’d been inside of her, she remained tight, as tight as the first time. That was a blessing, but a curse as well, for all he could typically think about throughout the day, was sinking into that glorious tightness.

When she was finally semi-awake, she rolled on her back and spread her legs in front of him, so he could finger her in earnest. Two fingers first, nice and deep inside of her, as he knelt in front of her and watched her come undone before him. And then, there was always a moment when her eyes flew open, and her back arched, and he slipped the third one in. The plush, warm walls of her sex stretched and pulled to accommodate him, but he went slow and deep, only grazing the sensitive spot in her, making her moan low and begging, the pressure of his hand steady and firm.

She cried and cried into the pillow, head thrown back in utter extasy, her hair a tangled halo about her. She wasn’t permitted to move her hips, his only order in that early-morning game of theirs, therefore she was wholly dependent on him for her pleasure. If she ever did begin a sensual undulation of her hips around his hand, he’d allow her to continue for a few moments, aware that she was lost in her own pleasure, before cruelly yanking his hand out of her.

“Was my girl allowed to do that?” he’d ask simply, and amidst her disappointed panting, her pleading for more, her sweet, innocent “sorry. I am sorry,” she’d beg him to fill her again.

Then she’d lay still, eyes wide and pleading, her little opening vibrating at the loss, before he placed her feet on his shoulders and thrust in her anew. This time, his scarred, rough, brown, inked fingers disappeared in her completely. She buckled and let out a wild moan that reverberated from the very depth of her, because all four fingers were inside, and his thumb finally, finally began a gorgeously slow torment around her clit. She just lay there, tense and unmoving, watching him, the slurping, obscene sounds of his hand inside of her filling the sleepy morning air around them.

Elain came quietly. She moaned and twisted and gasped as he rubbed her clit, but when the waves finally descended upon her, when he felt the tight, silky flesh grip and pump all four of his fingers, which were now pressing up into her perfect spot, the exhale was soft and intimate. Only for him.

Now

“Don’t wreck the car,” Elain muttered, eyes barely open.

“Will this be the second one?” Azriel asked, while Elain wrapped her hand around his wrist and forcefully jammed his hand inside of her.

Four.

Four orgasms daily. That was his promise.

He’d provide her with at least four daily orgasms. So far, he typically exceeded expectations. It wasn’t particularly difficult, because he often played with her at odd times—when they were watching TV, he’d slip a finger onto her clitty and rub her slowly and leisurely, until she melted from the stimulation. She enjoyed it when he bent her over counters or sinks, and sunk his fingers deep and hard into her perpetually ready hole.

Elain, to his complete delight and fascination, was always just a bit aroused. Always, always just a bit wet, just a little damp for him. He’d make an unscheduled stop at her shop and if it was empty, he’d step behind the counter with her, and soon, she’d be splayed over the counter, his hand between her legs. Yes, they’ve been almost caught plenty of times, but Azriel had the ability to disappear into shadows as soon as he sensed someone coming. Sometimes, when someone would walk in the store, Azriel even pretended that he was a customer, buying flowers, watching her patiently, while she got his bouquet ready for him. Never mind that his hand might have been soaked with her slick, or that he smirked, watching her press her thighs together, while she wrapped the flowers, as she avoided eye contact with him, and handed him the bouquet which he’d inevitably bring home for her.

When he was around her, she jokingly complained that she was of constant need for him, and it was his very enviable and pleasant task to soothe the ache inside of her.

 Azriel

Their friends, family, found their relationship perplexing. But Elain kept her sisters firmly at an arm’s length when it came to the discussion of their sex life. No matter how they tried to pry, she gently, but firmly rebuffed them. Nesta complained and said that they were too obsessed with each other. That Elain was too in love and that Azriel was too dependent on Elain’s love for this to be normal. Elain only shrugged and didn’t argue.

 “It’s not normal!” seethed Nesta, watching Elain and Azriel wrapped around each other on the dance floor, Elain’s body shimmying and swaying around her, arms raised in the air, her hips swooshing to the beat, bumping into his pelvis.

“You think they are gonna do it right on the dancefloor?” Cassian contemplated quietly, not sure if this was outside the realm of possibilities.

“He would!” she spat and gulped down her Aperol spritz aggressively. “I am surprised he is not bending her over…more surprised she isn’t agreeing!”

“They never argue,” Cassian nodded.

“They never—never—argue. It’s not normal!”

The way Cassian saw it, as long as the two were happy, he had no right to judge.

Nesta was a hot pepper. Feyre, an apple—solid, tasty, dependable. Elain—whipped cream—a delicious topping over anything, but especially Azriel.

 Nevertheless, the word got around.

One day, Azriel, Rowan and Cassian were sitting in Elain’s flower shop, toiling diligently over a huge order of flowers.

They wouldn’t admit it to anyone, not to each other, or their women, but they quite enjoyed hiding in that flower shop and arranging flowers. They claimed that they were doing it for Elain’s sake, to help her out, so she didn’t have to hire additional help just yet, but,

Well, they liked it.

At first, Elain wasn’t sure if Cassian was cut out for the task, because the very first try was a little rough.

“Cass, these are not your enemies that you are about to smite,” Elain instructed gently, prying his fingers from the stems of irises, which he was clutching like he was about to throw a lance.

“Pfff, you look like you are about to choke a chicken,” Nesta teased. And promptly realised her mistake, biting her lip.

Cassian cocked his brow and murmured seductively,

“What chicken am I choking, sweetheart? My own,”

“Oh no,” Elain stepped in between them, hands on her hips. “No. No. No. Absolutely not.”

“Lainey, don’t allow Cass to choke his chicken in front of us,” begged Azriel, working quickly and deftly, and soliciting an envious look from Cassian, whose flowers were in complete disarray, compared to Azriel’s neat piles and methodical assembly line.

“Yes, no one is choking chickens, penises or each other in here,” ordered Elain sternly, while Nesta and Azriel were laughing silently.

“Hehe,” smirked Cassian, “Elain said ‘penis’!”

“Take your dirty talk and deeds,”

Dirty deeds done dirt cheap, dirty deeds done dirt cheap

Cassian began rocking to his own singing, imitating the gravel of Brian Johnson’s voice rather successfully, headbanging over his babybreath, bluebells and irises.

Chicken choking forgotten for a moment.

 As Cassian fussed over a vase, working on each stem and arranging them just so, wearing a little white apron no less, he asked casually, “So, brother, four?”

Azriel was in his own headspace, and he didn’t even hear Cassian, as he was busy with his own flower arrangement.

There was, expectedly, a competition going on—who’d complete the most arrangements in an hour. Rowan, a veritable giant, and Cassian’s best friend, also wore an apron, but a long one, like a butcher, and was significantly ahead of the pack. That bothered Azriel more than he cared to admit. So, he was re-strategizing his strategy.

“Four what?” Rowan inquired, not taking his eyes off the flowers, working like a machine.

“Ask Az here,” Cassian suggested. He was catching up to Azriel with an alarming speed.

Azriel had never lost, so far. He wasn’t going to lose today.

“Stop speaking in riddles. What are you talking about?”

“Word on the street is that our Az here provides the flower girl with a minimum of four orgasms on the daily,”

Azriel started and finally tore his eyes from the flowers.

Both Rowan and Cassian were watching him, smirking.

“I guess it’s true then,”

“Fuck off.”

“If that’s true,” Rowan drawled, “good for you, man. Though you are putting us to shame with this ridiculous offer of yours. How do you keep up?”

“Easily,” Azriel shrugged. “But it’s freaking me out that you two are talking about my sex life so casually.”

“But fucking four? Daily?” repeated Cassian, shaking his head.

“Yeah, Elain, man,” Rowan rubbed the back of his head, mussing his silver hair, “who would’ve thought?”

Cassian nodded, “No offense, brother, but Elain doesn’t strike anyone as particularly adventurous in the bedroom,”

“And that’s where you’d be wrong,” Azriel said simply.

“Very beautiful,” offered Rowan pacifically, “but…you know…Kind of like Elide, I guess. You wouldn’t know it, looking at her,”

Cassian was nodding. “Yeah, she looks like she eats macaroons and reads Jane Austen,”

“Macarons,” said Azriel.

“What?”

“It’s macaron. Not macaroon.”

“What the hell is the difference?”

“One is a French biscuit, made with almond flour and filled with a creamy filling. The other, is a coconut concoction that one usually eats at Passover.”

Rowan was chuckling. Cassian was shaking his head, grunting, “you would know. So, does she? Eat maca--,”

“No, she doesn’t even like macarons. And she doesn’t read Jane Austen. She reads espionage novels. She likes Daniel Silva. Any more stupid questions?”

Elide. Of course. He should’ve guessed.

Elain and Elide met through Rowan and it was friendship at first sight.

Azriel couldn’t argue—the two women were similar in many ways. Both were on a quiet side, polite, well-mannered. Elain—a ray of sunshine, tall, slender and curvaceous, smiling and affable, with piles of golden-brown locks and warm brown eyes. Elide—the opposite—small, pale, with perfectly straight, silky black hair and dark, midnight eyes. Both—crafty in the ways of the world, charming, when needed, capable of getting into everyone’s good graces, and therefore, getting what they wanted.

“No, no more stupid questions,” said Cassian. “Just don’t know how you two grumps attracted such lively girls,”

“Lorcan and I aren’t ‘grumps’. We just talk when we need to and don’t have the need for instant gratification or to be the center of attention. Something I can’t say about you,”

“It’s not about me,” Cassian protested, but Azriel stopped him, by raising his finger,

 “Now, if you are not going to shut the fuck up about my woman and me, I will spread a rumour amongst your women, that it’s not four, but six. Daily. Let’s see how you measure up then.”

Silence fell.

Azriel won.

His 36th win.

 Now

 “Yes, the second,” Elain nodded with a satisfied smile.

 Azriel

 Naturally, today, he woke her up properly, as he always did.

They stayed in an adorable little villa, near Montepulciano. It was everything a Tuscan villa was supposed to be…

including the dust that settled in its 800-year-old walls. And Elain coughed and coughed and coughed, surprisingly not coughing up a lung.

“We can’t stay here,” Azriel said, frowning.

“Where are going to go? We are in the middle of Tuscany and it’s 10 pm,” she reminded him.

Ever resourceful, he dragged the mattress off the antique bed and plopped it down on the floor of their small balcony.

“We sleep here. Under the night Tuscan sky.”

It was a lovely, if chilly night, and Elain would’ve enjoyed it if she didn’t fall asleep almost immediately and slept through the night.

She was still asleep, when the birds began their morning song and Azriel positioned her on her hands and knees, and carefully removed her nightgown, baring her to the dry, cool morning air.

“Someone will see us,” she murmured sleepily.

She tucked her hands under her cheek, and followed the direction of Azriel’s hand on her hip, rising her butt high up, and arching her back for him.

Azriel loved having sex out in the open. Especially if she was completely naked. He wasn’t overt about it, but the thrill of being found out, the titillating desire to be watched was always present. She knew it. She indulged his fantasies.

“I don’t think anyone would mind watching you,” he whispered hotly in her ear and lightly bit the apple of her cheek. “But it’s also like 4:15 in the morning. So maybe they are still sleeping.”

He settled behind her and she felt his hands on her back, smoothing over the sharp cut of her tight waist and then the soft curve of her hips.

“Spread your legs for me, my love, I want to play with you a little bit,” he guided her, and she followed his direction, squatting inelegantly on her knees, thighs wide apart for him. He cupped her fully in his palm and then pinched her clit, hard, twisting it and rubbing it between his two fingers, until she bit her forearm, trying to stifle her cries of instant pleasure.  He pinched again, then again, rubbing tightly, while he bit her buttock playfully, but hard enough to leave a pink mark.

“Mmmm,” she groaned, when he nibbled on her flesh again, tugging on the swollen clit with relentless dedication. She managed to twist enough to kiss his knee and whispered, eyes still closed, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, my beautiful girl,” he leaned forward and kissed her wet, stretched opening, dragging his tongue around and around the rim, “and you are so nice and wet for me in the morning. My good girl, what do you want?”

“Only you,” she vowed. “Only you, my Az.”

“Let’s fill your pretty little hole then,” he licked on it again, and then slid one strong, long finger inside. As he began to pump her slowly, he proposed, “When I fill you with my cock later on,”

“Uh oh,” she moaned dreamily, smiling a loving smile, enjoying his finger to the fullest.

“I think I’d like to add a finger or two as well. What do you think?”

“I’d like that, I think,” she complied easily.

Elain was not a particularly imaginative lover, but Azriel was the opposite—he had too much imagination when it came to everything. Especially Elain, and what he liked to do with her sexually. What was absolutely fantastic, and he thanked all the gods for this phenomenon, was that Elain was willing to try anything. She was an absolutely willing and eager lover, who learned from him and learned of her body with readiness and joy. He dominated her completely, but that was the nature of their relationship, and they easily fell into their roles, from the very beginning. She was submissive, loved praise, and loved being guided and told what to do. More than anything else, she loved pleasing him. There was never any pull and push, no competition, no power struggles. Elain was made for him, created and carved from something that was innately his, whether it was his body or his mind, and they lived and loved harmoniously. He complimented her perfectly: her temperament, her needs, her wants. He treated her with admiration, gentleness, adoration and respect, and while his own expectations were high, she met them all with ease. She took control when she needed to. Received what she wanted from him, however she needed to. And he gave and gave.

Some, or many, called them soulmates.

Perhaps that’s what they were. Or maybe, they were even more than that.

Azriel stretched his legs on either side of her curved body and then added another finger inside of her sopping, slippery opening, reaching deep into her and pumping her firmly.

“Auuuu, babe, it’s good…” she squealed, “it’s so good.”

Unable to wait any longer, he pulled her buttocks apart with his available hand and swept his tongue over the tiny opening, causing her to seize with surprise and pleasure. Instinctively, she moved her hips against his tongue, pushing her backside into his lips. He licked the little hole in earnest, dragging his tongue back and forth between both of her openings, making her tremble and shudder every time his tongue reached one or the other.

As he sat to the task of licking and sucking her tight hole, he thrust a third finger into her dripping passage, feeling her shift against his face to accommodate the stretch. It was a lot, and she whimpered and moaned from the pressure, but he knew that she could take four, though he wasn’t in a hurry, and worked her diligently and steadily, his tongue laving the other hole just as eagerly.

She was shaking between his legs, her toes curling beneath her, rapid pants escaping into the morning mists, her hair draping the tiled floor in front of her, even spilling through the balcony rails.

Somewhere they heard sheep bleating and Elain laughed softly, before arching her back even further, not caring how splayed she looked. There wasn’t a part of her that he hasn’t seen, hasn’t touched or licked or kissed, not an inch of her that wasn’t caressed by his rough hands, not an orifice that he hasn’t penetrated with his magnificent cock. He’d burrowed inside of her so deeply, so wholly, he possessed all of her and she knew what it’s like to truly be part of another person, to be loved with egregious passion.

He fed another finger inside of her and she cried out, trembling and grunting, as she grabbed and squeezed his foot with mighty strength.

He tore his lips away from her bottom and grinned,

“Love, when you are in labour with our baby, I am fully prepared for the fact that you will break my fingers, maybe even my hand.”

“I am sorry,” she laughed, and kissed his foot, dragging her tongue over his toes.

There wasn’t a part of him that she did not love, did not worship with everything she had. No part of his body remained un-kissed, un-touched, un-caressed. A lazy Sunday, especially if the weather was crap and they had no plans to go out, was her favourite time—she could spend the day loving her Azriel. On those days, she pleasured him. And if she spent hours with his cock buried in her throat, or his balls between her lips, or her tongue in his ass, she was only too happy.

The tips of his fingers crawled into that hidden spot inside of her, curling just so, so he could massage and rub her into a frenzy. He stilled for a moment, to allow her to adjust to the fullness and the stretch, as she bit his foot, trying to stifle her screams. She leaked slowly over his hand, as most of it was situated in her clutching, hungry tightness.

“Very good, my baby,” he praised, kissing her buttocks and then giving her anus a few approving licks, “taking all four inside of you,”

“Oh my god, oh,” she groaned, “it’s so tight…Az, my love, I am so full,”

“I know, love,” he coaxed evenly, his hand beginning a steady, firm barrage of deep, pounding thrusts, “but it’s nice, isn’t it?”

“Yeess,” she only managed, voice thin, pleading. She could barely hold herself up, so he wrapped his arm around her hips, keeping her ass up. She grabbed the balcony wrought-iron spindles, squeezing them tightly, forehead pressed into the mattress, as he pumped her harshly, keeping her on the verge of constant climax, but pulling back just so, for her to moan and beg him in a never ending litany.

“Baby, you want to come?” he teased, still busy with her butthole, which softened under his furious sucking and if they had more time and privacy, Elain would be ready to take him anally soon enough.

“Yes,” she grunted, “yes,”

“Ask nicely, and maybe,”

“Ugh, you are such a horrible tease,” she complained, biting his foot in spite, and he laughed, before slapping her firm, soft buttock.

“Biting a person who is making you come so nicely?” he slapped her again, and she yelped with pleasure, wiggling her ass, silently asking for more.

The walls of her passage clenched desperately over his fingers, and she made a choking, frantic sound in her chest, now beyond pleading or even moaning. He sucked, and slapped, and bit, and thrust, pumping her open, the sounds of the wet and the skin inside of her completely obscene, and music to both of their ears.

Azriel noticed a man, either a delivery guy or a grounds keeper, watching them wide eyed and shocked from a distance. Probably not something he expected to see at 4:40 in the morning. Not that he made a move to leave.

Azriel opted not to alarm Elain, who was coming violently on his hand, her body trembling and jerking, her beautiful, quiet orgasm sweeping everything in its path. His girl deserved a proper wake up, deserved and needed her climaxes, and deserved to be watched, because she was so beautiful. Her teeth and tongue clamped tightly on his foot, his toes, as she bit and licked, completely undone, turned inside out by his expert hand.

He still worked her hand in her, his thrusts shallow and not as strong, when she collapsed on the mattress at last, eyes closed, panting.

He smiled and finally slipped on the mattress alongside her, though he kept a finger between her folds, rubbing soothingly. She’d bite his head off if he removed his hand from her this quickly.

“Good morning my love,” he whispered at last, kissing her cheek.

“Mmmm, good morning,” she sighed with satiated pleasure.

“Some guy caught an eyeful,” he whispered, but she only snuggled to his chest.

“I don’t care…As long as you were watching me, that’s all that matters.”

“I wouldn’t mind sliding into your little bum right now,” he confessed, stroking her hip and her curvy backside.

“Do you want to take me?” she offered sweetly, eyes fluttering open.

He kissed her head and smiled, “So tempting, but not here and not now. Let’s jump in the shower and then be on our way. We’ve got a decent amount of driving to do today.”

She nodded.

“Did I tell you that I love you?” she stroked his cheek, the sharp, angular cut of it, the dark bronze skin.

“You did, but I wouldn’t mind hearing it again.”

“I love you, Azriel.”

“I love you, Elain.”

 Elain

Their day was long.

They had their cappuccino and cornetti at some café on the road.

Their trip had a purpose—they were actually driving to Maranello, to the Ferrari headquarters where Azriel had 3 days of business meetings.

When Az told her that he was thinking of going to Italy, it was no brainer to say ‘yes’.

It was the first time she was going to leave her business, her shop, for an extended period of time, but Feyre promised to oversee the operations, while Cerridwen, whom Elain recently hired as a full-time employee and who was Nuala’s sister, was going to be responsible for the day-to-day.

The last time Elain’s been to Italy was when she was barely 10 years old. A few years before everything’s went to shit. Back then, her father completed a very lucrative business deal and there was a lot of disposable cash, so the family decided to take a grand trip to Italy.

Little Feyre who was only seven screeched and begged to go to Disneyland, while Nesta and their mother voted for Italy. No one asked Elain, assuming that she’d go wherever she was told.

The trip was extensive, almost four weeks, and they hit all the glamorous Southern parts—the Amalfi coast, with their headquarters in a rented villa near Positano. Then they went to Portofino, and their father rented a yacht for a few days, the trip culminating in Capri. It was a whirlwind on sun and the sea, of lemons, eating grilled squid, at which Feyre stared in horror, though she liked the taste, amazing fruit, endless pastries and gelato. Even their mother yanking a few pastries away from Elain, hissing that she ‘grow fat and not find a husband’ didn’t mar the experience. Elain, always the plumper of the sisters, was used to the warning by then.

 This time around, Elain could eat as much pastry as she wanted.

They landed in Rome, spent four days there, since she insisted on going to the Vatican Museum twice, hear Mass at St. Peter’s, and she didn’t know if she annoyed Azriel with her endless excitement and tales of art, artists, and biblical stories, but she couldn’t help herself.

She was an Art History major in NYU, receiving a full scholarship to attend. She loved it. Didn’t like college all that much as a whole, but loves studying. When everyone was partying, drinking, fucking and skipping classes, she went to the Met and to MOMA and learned and enjoyed herself. She loved history of religion, of other cultures and though not at all religious herself, none of them were, her knowledge on the subject was thorough.

Azriel, it seemed, liked her passion, her excitement, and listened attentively when she went on long explanation of what this or that Saint did and what grizzly death they’d suffered. And what was the significance of the painting or sculpture of the said Saint. Obviously, he was very artistically inclined as well, though his preference lay in design and industrial art, but he enjoyed listening and discussing. They spent hours and hours meandering the halls of the museum, and of the cathedral, and both spent a good half an hour in front of the Pieta, staring in silence and quiet contemplation at the sculpture, holding hands.

It was when they were sitting at a café, sipping some bitter Campari cocktails and watched the sprawling vistas of Rome that Azriel confided to her. Told her of his childhood. She knew some of the details, but he never talked about his childhood, and she opted not to pressure him. It was clear enough that it was horrific in many ways, and bringing up all those memories didn’t make sense to Elain.

Told her how his father, who was rich and vicious, won custody of him from his mother, not because he wanted his son, but out of spite, to torment the mother. And then it was years of solitude and loneliness and emotional and physical abuse. Azriel’s only reprieve was drawing, making designs, sometimes with chalk on the pavement, sometimes on scraps of paper. His stepmother threw everything out as soon as he made it. He languished in his father’s world for 8 years, until a catastrophic event took place—his stepbrothers doused him, his hands, in gasoline and lit him up. They didn’t call the paramedics either, and simply stood there, watching, as he burned. Finally, the neighbors heard his screams and police and ambulance came at last.

Because he was young, he recovered most of the sensations and feeling in his hands, but the skin was permanently scarred and his father refused skin grafts.

He’d met Cassian at the hospital, who came there having been beaten so badly by his foster father, that he had a concussion, broken ribs and a punctured eye socket.

Mrs. Darling, Rhys’s mother, who was one of the biggest benefactors of the children’s hospital where they were recovering, heard their stories and thankfully, her wealth opened every door. Her influence and wealth were no match for Azriel’s father. Hence when she decided that she wanted to adopt the two boys, little could be done to dissuade her. Azriel and Cassian still spent some time in foster care, while the documents were being processed and all the formalities legalized, but at the end, they ended up with the Darlings, as their adopted sons.

Elain wanted to cry for him, for his destroyed childhood, for his tormented youth, for his injuries, for the lack of love in his life. For his sake, though, she didn’t.

Sensing that he needed her support, she didn’t release his hand for the remainder of the day.

And she told him how much she loved him and how happy he made her.

 They left Montepulciano, and then drove for a few hours and stopped at Orvieto, and explored its unnecessary enormous Duomo, which was situated on the hill, amidst the Umbrian lushness. The tiny town did offer spectacular views and great wine, which they enjoyed with lunch.

 Now

Azriel worked his fingers into the supple warmth of her damp pussy and looked down, before ordering, “wider, Lainey”.

She spread her legs wider, her knit dress folded haphazardly over the belly.

“Wider,” he said and she placed one foot on the seat, exposing herself completely to him.

It was never wide enough for him, for he liked to see everything, liked to spread and open and pull her wide apart for his eyes, for his exploration.

He pressed his thumb to her plump pink clit and began to rub.

She whined impatiently and he smiled,

“We are almost there…”

“I need you,” she moaned, kissing his shoulder through his shirt.

“I need you too, my beauty,” he nodded, “but I think once we get there, you’ll forget all about me.”

She tsked and announced, “I don’t know if anything will impress me as much as your cock in my mouth,”

He started at the blunt words, her amused grin and then burst out laughing.

“Naughty.”

In a few minutes, he rounded a small green hill and Elain’s breath caught in her throat.

“Oh, gods…Az…”

He was smiling.

He’d never been here before, but he’d done his research, finally finding the right spot.

A tiny hidden valley, nestled between a few rolling Tuscan hills, with a small turquoise lake sparkling in the late afternoon sun. In the distance, a mandatory Tuscan villa.

And poppies. Fields of poppies, stretching as far as the eye can see. A blanket of ruby-red poppies, gently swaying in the pine-scented air.

This place was a damn Walmart painting come true, and Azriel loved it for its kitsch, its predictability.

“It’s gorgeous!” she gasped. Then chuckled, adding, “Like one of those mass-produced paintings,”

At that, Azriel roared with laughter, killed the engine and they got out of the car.

“My thoughts exactly!” he nodded vigorously.

She ran into the poppies, brushing her palm over the petals, “But it’s worth it! No painting can ever do this justice! Az…it’s so beautiful!” she twirled in the field of red, her white dress a stark contrast to the vibrancy of the colours around her—the cobalt of the cloudless sky, the emerald green of the hills, the blood-red of the poppies.

He folded his arms and said, “I am glad you like it.”

“Like it? I love it!”

She inspected all the wildflowers that bloomed among the poppies, picking a few purple ones and a daisy and tucking them behind her ear. Another daisy she brought to him and tucked it into his hair.

“There is a blanket in the trunk,” he jerked his head towards the car, and unbuttoned his shirt almost to the navel, “if you want to picnic,”

“I want to picnic!” she squealed and ran to the car to get what she needed.

Soon there was a blanket on the grass and a few bottles of wine in a basket.

He slid down, stretching on the blanket, toeing off his shoes, rolling his shoulders. This was nice. He also relished her happiness, how her high ponytail bounced about as she ran through the field barefoot, and then began twirling, arms outstretched and singing loudly,

The hills are alive with the sound of

Griswold, he helped out.

“Are you coming here?” he called out, throwing his arm over his eyes.

“No,” she yelled, “I am picking flowers!”

“They’ll wilt,” he muttered reasonably, but she didn’t hear him.

Azriel dozed off, surprising himself. But the pleasant heat, the sunshine, the breeze, the birds—all lulled him into sleep. He stirred only when he sensed Elain near, and when he opened his eyes, he was treated by a lovely surprise. He propped himself on his elbows and watched his beautiful girl walk towards him completely naked, with a heap of flowers in the crook of her arm. What she did with her dress he didn’t know and didn’t care. But he drunk in the slim, curvy silhouette of her body, the long, slender legs and the toned thighs. Her smooth, pink sex glistened just a bit with her usual arousal, and full breasts bounced with every step. Her hair flowed behind her, unbound.

“I got hot,” she announced.

He grinned.

“I can see that. I like it when you get hot like this.”

She stood over him, her delicious slit taunting him and he made to touch it, but she dumped all the flowers on him instead and said, “get up”.

“Why?!” he frowned. “I am so comfortable.”

“I can make you a little more comfortable,” she promised, “but for that, you have to get up.”

With a groan, he got on his feet, only to have her slide on her knees in front of him. She looked up and murmured, “by the time you are done with me, I only want to have gelato to soothe my throat.”

He swallowed audibly, watching her unbutton his trousers and then his shirt. She removed the pants completely, but left the white shirt on, before placing a few soft, loving kisses on the thick slabs of muscles on his stomach. The well-defined outline of his Adonis Belt she traced with her tongue, inevitably making her way from his hip towards the final destination.

“And I want my knees bruised,” she added with a wicked smirk.

He flicked her nose and shook his head, “such filthy words coming from this pretty little mouth.”

She licked her lips with impatience, hungrily watching him fist his member and give it a few rough, preliminary strokes.

“Gods, your cock is gorgeous,” she gasped with admiration, watching him work himself with practiced determination.

“You like my cock?” he drew the thick, smooth head of it over her full lips and she whimpered with anticipation, nodding, kissing it affectionately, with slow, open mouth kisses, as he continued to pump it lazily.

She admitted, “more than anything. Az, Az,” she begged impatiently, as he smeared a trickle of liquid that dribbled from the tip over her lips, “please,”

“Please what?”

She rested her hands on his thighs, kneeling close enough so that her breasts brushed against them, “I want it in my mouth. Please.”

He lightly smacked the thick girth of his shaft over her half-opened mouth, making her shake with anticipation, smiling down at her. Her eyes burned with raw, overwhelming desire.

“But I like it when you ask me, baby. Tell me more,”

“That your cock is gorgeous and ridiculously huge?” she chuckled, relishing in his rubbing the tip insistently over her lips, as she licked the little slit.

“Keep going,” he encouraged.

“That I love you and can’t wait to suck it?”

“Alright, babe,” she nodded at last, “I guess you’ll just have to suck my huge dick,” and with that, he slid between her lips.

She smiled around him and pulled on it deeper, dragging her tongue over and under the thick shaft. It was always just a little too big for her, so she gasped, as he filled her mouth more and more, sliding in steadily. She eased her throat as much as she could, accepting the thrust and feeling the smooth head dip down, brushing the back of her throat. He was watching her intently, every bob and swallow of her throat, making sure that she was comfortable enough to hold him in. “Big?” he murmured. Her eyes teared up, but she managed a small nod. Her hands squeezed his thighs nervously, tightly, stroking the backs of them, while he began to pull out slowly, before sliding back in.

Nothing was more exciting than Elain’s ability to mould her throat around his shaft, while those big brown eyes blinked at him, seeking approval. He put his hand over her head, stroking it, then caressing her face, her hollowed cheeks, while giving her mouth a few exploratory thrusts.

She readied herself and pulled back, releasing the cock with an audible pop, and then licking the underside, from the balls to the tip.

“Just like that, my love,” he nodded, watching her tuck her face in the crease of his hip and slide her tongue up and down the sides of his cock. “Is that good?”

“It’s the best,” she vowed, “I love licking!” she added enthusiastically, proceeding to do just that.

He always remembered that she was very innocent and whatever she knew, no matter how sensual, erotic or even perverse, it all came from him. He taught her—gently, firmly and thoroughly the art of the bedroom and whatever they did, he was completely assured that she enjoyed and wanted every moment of it. Thankfully, she was so innocent that she didn’t know how to pretend or fake anything, especially when it came to sex, and didn’t know how to play games. She was eager and loving and excitable because what they did together, with each other, pleased her, and for no other reason. Azriel cherished this level of honesty more than anything.

Therefore, when she said that she loved licking, she showed him just how much she enjoyed it, licking up and down voraciously, over the sides, watching him unblinking. He cupped the pouch of his balls in one hand and carefully eased it into her mouth.

“You are so good to me,” he groaned, as she wrapped her lips around the ball and began to suck eagerly, not caring if she was loud, smacking her lips, tongue working non-stop, caressing the flesh. She hummed appreciatively around the balls, sending a pleasant shiver down his thighs, her mouth completely filled with him. “That’s good, my girl,” he stroked her head, “just like that. Keep going,” his head fell back with satisfaction, and she swallowed hard around his balls, almost moaning at the sight of his neck, the expression of pleasure written on his face.

“Can I tell you a story?” he muttered huskily, looking back down at her, his eyes dark and his face tense. Elain nodded. He gripped his cock and then slid it back in her mouth, almost to the hilt, making her choke and gag at once, watching her eyes widen.

She was drooling, but she wasn’t sure if it was from the pressure of her member in her throat, or from the visual display of his stunning body above her. The thick pectorals, adorned with black and blue ink twitched as he began to pump in and out of her mouth, hard and steady. He held the back of her head, but the clutch of his hand was light and casual, only keeping her in place, as his narrow hips flexed with each deep push. A delicious bead of sweat ran down the cobbled network of his abdominal muscles, slowly making its way to the deep V etched into his hips, towards the thick cock that he was currently ramming into her mouth.

She drooled. She licked and laved and lapped. She didn’t care how messy or ridiculous she looked, because her man loved her and loved her on her knees in front of him.

“I couldn’t stop watching you talk,” he grumbled, “the first time I saw you. Your plump lips…Oh fuck, baby, you feel so, so good,” he rode her smoothly, with deep, expert strokes, “you wore that rose-tinted lipstick…and all I could think of afterward was those lips wrapped around my dick.”

She smiled over his member, lightly shaking her head, as much as her current position would allow.

“I am sorry, honey,” he smiled at her, “this pervy mind couldn’t think of anything else but getting my dick down your throat.”

And demonstrating just that, and the resolution of his dream, he pushed further.

“Alright?” he asked, carefully holding her jaw. She blinked her approval. He was unable to take his eyes off her, her lush lips wrapped tightly around the dark mass of him, her beautiful eyes tearing from pressure. He wiped the tears with his thumbs and then gave a brief nod, “give me those flowers, baby.”

Obviously, she couldn’t glance down, so she blindly grabbed a handful of flowers and handed them to him, her expression amused, a little surprised.

“What’s more romantic,” he murmured, stroking her hollowed cheeks and then pulling out a little, before pushing back in, “than putting pretty flowers into my Lainey’s hair,” and he plucked a small poppy from the heap, and pushed in into her hair, “while she deepthroats me?”

He was heavy and thick in her mouth, salty, delicious and familiar, and as he began thrusting firmly, the thick head hitting the back of her throat, Elain settled in for a ride. She wasn’t kidding when she asked for her throat to be raw by the end of it—she liked being sore somewhere in her body from him, at all times. Between her legs, inside her rectum, in her throat—it didn’t matter, though it was nice if it was everywhere, but she loved being marked by him in some way.

The hum and rumble in Azriel’s throat, that of masculine satisfaction and some kind of primal dominance made her so wet, she leaked down her thighs. But he didn’t tell her to touch herself, so she didn’t. He just fucked her throat steadily, the audible sound of her choking and sputtering around his cock and the satisfied snarls emanating from him, the only sounds around them. His hips rocked hard, pumping deep, as he garbled endearments and praise to her, “is that so good, honey? You feel amazing…”

She squeezed his thighs in affirmation. As he worked on her, he kept putting flowers in her hair, admiring her sucking and his work, “so gorgeous, baby. My beautiful girl…Good cock?”

“Mmmm,” she only managed, saliva bathing her chin and chest, her eyes rolling back with pleasure and exhaustion.

“Can you handle a little more?” he begged, “I don’t want to come yet, my love,” another flower in her hair. “I love you on your knees with my cock in her mouth.”

He set a brutal rhythm, muttered, “choke, baby…” and she did, gagging and panting over his member, the lack of oxygen making her pliant and obliging, her mouth existing for his pleasure. When they played a little rougher, he could request to squeeze her throat a little with his hand, while he choked her with his cock, but today, he was feeling romantic, as was she.

Her hair dripped with flowers of all kinds, as he fashioned her into some kind of Summer Lady. Or maybe a Dusk Lady, since the sun began its descent and shadows spread over the pretty little valley.

“Fuck me, you are so beautiful,” he grunted, looking down at her. “My flower girl, with my cock in her mouth. Bob a little, love, show me how much you like it,” he encouraged and she immediately began to bob her head  up and down on him, drool sliding down his shaft, her eyes pleading for his approval, which he gave generously.

He gently, kindly stroked her face, her throat, feeling his cock deep inside it, moving in her, rubbing at the indentation with his thumb. Then, he cupped her face between his large hands and murmured, “open up”, thumbs brushing over her damp cheeks, as tears slid down when he started to thrust intently, battering her throat. “My girl is sucking so well,” he was relentless now, pounding and pounding, an Elain thought that she might just pass out from the sensation, feeling lightheaded. Azriel had inhuman stamina when he was between her legs, but that also translated to when he was in her mouth, which meant he could ravage her completely. “I’ll feed you all the gelato myself, if you can suck a little more,” he promised with a smirk, pulling out completely. “Breathe,” he ordered, and she gulped in some air, before he thrust back inside, “are you tired?”

She shook her head ‘no’. She was never tired for him. She moaned, though his cock pushed down all sound with brutal, excited enthusiasm, as he cupped his balls tightly in his hand, readying to finally come. “Fuck, baby, you suck so well,” he squeezed her shoulder, stooping over her, the muscled of his abdomen twitching and tensing, his balls tight against her chin. Grabbing her shoulder with one hand, he cupped her under the jaw and kept her head still, as he exploded in her mouth. He poured down her throat with a pleased, blissful moan, throwing his head back, pumping harshly and erratically, filling her mouth over and over. She sucked and drank, swallowing quickly, gluttonously. Azriel always tasted heavenly, but perhaps it was something about being in Italy and all the fruit and wine that they’ve been consuming, but she couldn’t get enough of him now. He shot rope after rope down her throat and she lapped it all with pleasure. He dropped on his knees, exhausted, his cock still in her mouth, and she stroked and caressed his body soothingly, swallowing the last of him.

“Gods, Elain,” was all he managed, as he finally withdrew in an endlessly long pull from her lips.

She gasped, and licked her lips, before placing a loving, playful kiss on the pink, wet head of the shaft.

“Did you have fun, my love?” she cooed tenderly, as Azriel slumped on the blanket, head her on her lap.

“Baby, why do you spoil me like this?” he moaned, reaching for her bare plump breast and cupping lightly.

“Probably because I love you more than it’s prudent,” she smiled, her voice hoarse. “More than anything. Love you like I didn’t know I could love anybody. Also,”

“Yes?”

His chest constricted from her simple admissions, from the pure earnestness of her words, from the love that was shining in her brown eyes. He was undeserving of this woman, of her overwhelming love for him, of everything that she gave him so selflessly. But he listened and listened, because everything she told him was like a balm on all the wounds of his soul, and music to his heart.

Her lips were gorgeously, obscenely swollen, and he dragged his thumb over their plumpness. She added, “you are very hot.”

“Ahhh,” he chuckled. “So you are using me for my body?”

“I’d be stupid not to use you for your body. You got one hell of a body, my mysterious, shadowy Azriel.”

“Well, flower girl, you go ahead and use my body as much as you want, for anything you desire. It’s yours.”

He kissed her hand. Then, reached up and kissed her pretty pink nipple.

“As is my heart,” he added softly. “Anything you want. It’s all yours.”

She lay next to him, both of them sprawled in the blanket of flowers. She picked a poppy and stuck it behind his ear.

“Pretty boy Azriel.”

He propped his cheek and turned to face her. She was still covered in flowers, from all his handiwork.

“We are good together, aren’t we?” she murmured, laying her hand on his neck.

“We are. We are very good together, Lainey.”

She bit her swollen lip and then said, voice quiet, a little uncertain,

“Maybe you want to marry me?” she proposed.

He stilled, waiting for more.

She squeezed the back of his neck a little tighter and continued, no stopping her now, “I know we were thinking later, maybe next y-,”

“Yes,” he nodded, “yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, Elain, I want to marry you now.”

She gasped, tears of joy moistening her eyes, “In Florence?” she begged.

“Yes. In Florence,” he cupped her face in his. “Let’s go get married!”

[kaz11283]

“That’s a shiity piece of news” with Loki pretty please 🥺 love you 💕

That's a Shity Piece of News

Characters: Loki (my main man 😄),Tony

(Loki x you)

Warning: very slight angst, humor

Summary: you had be kidnapped on your way back to the compound from spending the day out with some of your friends, Tony start stressin. But not one god of mischief.

Announcement: awww I love you too dear! Thank you for the request. It keeps my mind busy! I have been enjoying these request so so very much they have widened my skills so very much and everyone that had requested them thank you thank you thank you! I have one other request that I have to work on after this and then I have GOT to work some more on my series Fire and Ice! But I will still be taking requests also it just might take me longer to do them 💚💚💚💚💚

Loki MasterList

~~~~

"Loki have you seen y/n, she was suppose to be back by now." Tony asked walking into the living room where Loki was reading.

"I think I remember her saying she was going to spend the day out with 'some nonsuperheros' today." He stated turning the page.

"And she just left unattended? Shes suppose to at least check in or take someone with her." He sighed.

"She asked if I wanted to join her." He turned another page.

"And you didnt go?" Tony started to sound annoyed.

"Oh gods no, last place I wanna be is with a group of gossiping girls... Or the mall. Tony, she is a very well trained assassin. She is more than capable of taking care of her self." He saod closing the book and facing Tony. "Besides everyone else gets to come and go as they please why not her?"

"I'll just call Parker, I'm sure he wont mind dropping in on her." He walked out, Loki roled his eyes and went back to his book. Loki looked down to his phone that started ringing.

"Look, thats her now." He answered picking up on the third ring. "Hello my love."

"We have your precious love." The male voice said over the phone.

"Oh, thats a shity piece of news." Loki responded.

"Whys that god of lies and mischief? Dont know what to do wothout your darling fiancé? Its about to get worst for you and your precious Avenger friends if you dont meet my demands." Loki could just imagine the shit eatting grin on this creeps face. By this time he had put the phone on speaker so that Tony could here what was going on.

"No, no. I'm not very worried about her. You on the other hand, she can get quite rough in hand to hand. Take up for her self, you know the whole spill. But I will warn you now, if one single hairnis out of place on that head of hers I will remove your head from your shoulders... With my bare hands." His voice held a darker tone to it, more threatening, more sinister. Tony was going crazy, trying to pull up locations to were the vehicle was heading and what it looked like. He was glad that he had made you take one of the Stark phones now no matter how much you had fought him on it.

"Ahhh, so now your the one thats threatening someone? See that-" The other end of the line suddenly went quiet except for the few grunts and sounds of fist hitting skin, Loki turned rasing an eyebrow at Tony as if saying I told you so.

"Loki?" Your voice came over the phone. Tony sighed in relief.

"Yes my pet?" Loki answered you. Tony flopped down on the couch trying to catch his breath.

"I just wanted one day." You sighed, he heard you opening the back door to the vehicle you were in.

"I know, love." He responded walking to yours and his shared room so that he could get you a bath ready.

"One day to not be a superhero, one day to just be a normal girl spending a normal day out with normal friends."

"Y/n, you know better than anyone thats to good to be true. We dont get to live the happily ever after like most people do." His voice soothing over the phone.

"It wouldn't hurt to be normal though with a normal life. For Christ sakes, I just took out three men, I am a deadly weapon, I even have a boyfriend that shoots green magic from his hands." You chuckled.

"Ouch, darling, you wound me." He laughed. "I do alot more than just shoot green magic from my hands. Im amazing with my daggars, I am the god of mischief and lies. And not to mention my style is absolutly amazing."

"Loki, you know what I mean." You answered hanging up as you entered the compound. You looked into the living room where Tony was still sitting, he gave you a thumbs up before shooing you away.

"These kids, all these kids are going to be the death of me." He sighed to no one rubbing the bridge of his nose.

You walked into your room kicking off your shows and following the sound of running water. "And I do stuff like this. Tell me pet, would a midguardian boy do this for you?"

Loki was sitting in the tube with candles around and just enough bubbles, you couldnt help but stare at the sight in front of you before twking off the remainder of your clothes.

"Yeah they would but indont think they would look half as amazing as you do." You said slipping intonthe warn water and letting him massage your shoulders.

"We're not normal by any means y/n. Thats something that you will have to learn to accept like it or not. But think about it this way, if you had gotten lucky enough to be normal we would have never met, you wouldn't be living in this amazing place, you wouldn't have friends like Nat or Clint, but most impotantly you wouldn't be saving people. Midgurad needs you as well as the others, its not school book normal but it is our normal. Living with two geniuses, one that turns green, two gods, super soldiers, assassins, an archer. I wouldnt have it any other way honestly." He said pulling you closer to him.

"I thought you hated it here." You laughed turning back to face him. You met his emerald green eyes that seemed to look into your soul.

"You made me learn to love it here, just don't tell the others." He laughed leaning in and kissing you.

~~~~~

Announcement 2: not as good or as funny toward the end as I was hoping. This was one that i kind of struggled through from start to finish and I am honestly not very satisfied with it but to each their own. Thank you guys for the love, the reblogs, the likes, and the support!!!! If you have and request that you would like to submit my asks and messages are always open!!!

Tag list:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

[opaljm]

not gonna lie, but i liked you better when you were just doing your own little thing on tumblr. youre hybrid stories were so good and your hades!taehyung story was so promising. but now instead of writing and posting fics- literally where is eye of the tiger it's been more than a year since you teased it and where is turbulent part three?! your becoming a shooter for people that dont even like you as much as you like them. why do you hype up hantaev and chateautae when they never hype you up naia. i dont think they've ever read a single thing by you either. naia their never gonna become your bsfs and its pathetic to see you keep trying 💀 you should just write and post your fics (you know the ones that we ACTUALLY WANT) why did you even release yours truly. just give us eott youve had more than a year to work on it i dont get it. the more you draw it out the less people will care when you finally post it.

Um wow. Okay so, my readers know I have a policy of not answering hate asks and in general the treatment I get from my readers is so good and so pure and I'm always grateful for it but it seems like this motherfucker wants to ruin that relationship, but you know what? I have thick skin and I don't even know if you're actually one of my readers or you're one of those toxic anons that @hantaev and @chateautae have, that decided to come over here and bother me now.

The reasons why I'm suspicious whether or not you're even one of my followers or just fine combed my blog to find ways to hurt me is because I have actually explicitly stated why there is no Turbulent part 3 yet (It's a drabble series that I work on when I have inspiration for it or when I am not working on other works. But I literally have so many WIPs right now. All my readers know that Turbulent is the least of my priorities and they're so respectful of that).

And when it comes to Eye of the Tiger, I've literally stated that I've lost over 20k words of the fic when the file got corrupted and that actually put me into a slump and not want to write that fic anymore. Since then I've decided to completely rework the plot into something that I would want to write again. I had made it into a chaptered form before changing it back to a one-shot. It's even on my list of WIPs for this year. But let's assume for a second that you actually have read my stories and you're not a random anon from the depths of hell. Congratulations! You have delayed Eye of the Tiger for everyone. I was going to work on it next month but now it looks like everyone is going to have to wait until August at earliest. I also don't care if you think that Eye of the Tiger's anticipation is going to die down and no one ends up reading it when I finally do post it. It's not like you have clairvoyance and can see the future.

Now moving onto you insulting Yours, Truly and saying no one wants it. Anon, just because you love Taehyung to the alarming degree that you keep harassing creators for their Taehyung fics just cuz it's not set to your specification or whatever the fuck does not mean that everyone else is such a rabid crazy Taehyung stan. It literally makes no sense for me to put more importance onto your opinion of Yours, Truly over the hundreds of people who have reblogged and hearted it and even asked to be on the tag list. Not to toot my own horn but I really like Yours, Truly and I wish you would open your eyes so you could enjoy it like everyone else. Except I don't know that I want someone like you on my page so 🤷🏻‍♀️ maybe it's a blessing in disguise that you don't like Yours, Truly and won't be able to bother me about it in the future.

I left this for last because it's literally so stupid that I even have to address this. Anon, I don't think you realize this but Hads and Sammy are friends in real life, they are the type of friends that talk every day, facetime and text, and send each other presents. Not only that but they are also the same age. IN contrast, I am... get this... their online friend. I am not as deeply involved in their lives as they are in each others lives. And you know what that's perfectly fine and I'm okay with it, maybe one day it'll turn into something IRL maybe not, it's cool we're chilling either way. Also, I can't believe I even have to say this but anon do you realize that Sammy and Hads are both 19 and I am 23? I'm actually rubbing my forehead right now because there is literally no situation where it's normal or acceptable for a 23 year old to be jealous of a relationship that two 19 year olds have with each other. I just treat them like my little babies that I'm so so proud of.

If you think I'm trying too hard to be their friends, I feel like you genuinely have never seen people act kindly towards others without expecting anything in return. It literally costs me nothing to interact with them and brighten up their days. Also maybe it's my age but I'm not insecure about whether or not my mutuals read my fics or constantly reblog and promote it. We are all so busy I'm never going to ever demand that from someone. Sammy and Hads don't demand anything from me either. How can you say Hads as never read anything by me when she's listed as the beta reader of Yours, Truly (yet another reason why I think you have never read it but are just insulting it because you can)? Sammy has given me private updates of how much she's enjoyed my work. Just because she or Hads never posted a review for YOU to see on multiple works doesn't mean that they don't read and support my stuff. And it's so weird that you're claiming that about them but you're not holding me to the same standard? The last time I reviewed one of Sammy's Maybe I Do chapters was probably for chapter 4 but I've privately been keeping her updated on my progress with reading her fic. I haven't even read Hads' Before Dawn yet. But you know what? It's fine. We're all okay with it and we don't have insecurities like that, we understand that we will all read and support each other's fics when we can and when we're free. I feel like as you get older you realize that friendship is not just what you can physically show off to others its more so all the ways you can be there for someone. I thank Allah that Sammy, Hads, and I are all so much more understanding than you are and that there is not even an ounce of toxicity in our relationship.

Lastly, maybe I'm not jealous of Sammy and Hadiyah being best friends because I have my own best friends? @vivian146 is literally the light of my life and we're going on strong for almost 7 years 😭😭😭

[pigstepmp3-moved]

holy hell, gamers, i finally reached one whole thousand followers! how bonkers is that! when i first made this blog in december 2018, i was just trying to start over in a new fandom. ive been active on tumblr for a looong time (since i was like 11, which is. not great, but we wont get into that). i cant remember quite why i decided to remake, but i never imagined getting a higher following than i did before, but i did! 1000 followers is bonkers, i’ve never had a thousand of anything! i seriously cant thank each and every one of you enough, whether you followed me for 911 or for mcyt or for whatever!

now, since ive reached this absolutely bonkers milestone, im feeling particularly sappy! so under the cut, i have some friends and mutuals tagged who are super great n who are always an absolute pleasure to see on my dash! <3 again, thank you all so much! (ps, if we’re mutuals and i didnt tag u in this, that doesnt mean i dont love and appreciate you!! i mostly am just picking people to tag based off how often i see them on my dash! i love all of u so much <3)

♡ 911 FRIENDS ♡

(aka the ogs, aka the fire fam)

♡ @lovelessmotel ♡ emily!! god, where do i even begin with how much i love and adore you!! i know youre one of my big sisters, but wow i am so proud of how much youve discovered yourself since we’ve met!! like wow, look at this epic, gorgeous person whos one of MY close friends! im so lucky to be friends with you! thank you so much for being my friend, i appreciate you and all the sisterly advice you’ve given me more than i can ever put into words!

♡ @eddiediaz-buckley ♡ sav!! mom!! i love u so unbelievably much!! i am so unbelievably grateful for you and everything youve done for me! all the advice youve given me and all the times youve let me vent to you have been so important to me and i cannot thank you enough for all that. im soso appreciative of you and im so glad that i have someone as amazing as you as my mom/big sister (we’ll never really figure out our fams family dynamics, will we?) (ps, whenever i go outside and have my keys with me, its always so comforting to feel the keychain you got me! its like my moms with me everywhere i go!)

♡ @liesoverthec ♡ bonbonbonbon!!! i love you so much, you wouldnt BELIEVE how much i love you!!! im so glad we met bc you are so unbelievably kind!! there is a very good reason a nickname for u is bonbon bc you are just as sweet as candy!! maybe even more so!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, you give such wonderful advice and talking to you always makes me feel a million times better!! i love you and i am soso glad i get to call you my friend!

♡ @marauder-girl ♡ sabsabsab!! i love u so much, u funky lil future lawyer!! im so proud of u and i can hardly believe ur gonna be my Lawyer big sister!!! thats so awesome!! i cant believe such a rad person is one of MY friends!! how lucky am i!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, youre so kind and funny and talented and your advice has always been so helpful to me too! thank you so much for being my friend and for always being there for me!!

♡ @nighting-gale17 ♡ cait, my love, my wifey!!! wowowow i love u so much!!! im so glad we’re friends, you are so unbelievably lovely!! youre also so unbelievably talented like??? hey queen wanna hand some of ur writing ability over to the unfortunate (like me). i’m so glad we’re friends, youre so sweet and even tho we dont talk as much as we used to, i still have SO much love for you in my heart

♡ @africaneuropean ♡ rae, my father!! i love u so much!! i know we havent talked at all in. who knows how long. but i still have so much love for u in my heart!! you are so iconic and cool and funny, im so glad i met you n became friends with you!! ur one of the coolest people i know, i hope i can be as cool and mysterious and wonderful as you one day

♡ @evaneddie ♡ DHYL!!! dhyl pickle i love u so much!!! whenever u pop into my inbox with random nice messages, every part of me lights up!!! u are so kind to me and for what!! i miss talking to u as much as we used to, you are so sweet and you are such a good friend!! i love u n im SO proud of how far youve come with gif making, i still remember when u first started n youve gotten SO amazing at gifs lately!! i love u soso much n im so glad we’re friends, youre so awesome!!!

♡ @basil-the-writer ♡ des!!! i love u so much!!! i know we’ve never rly talked all that much but im glad we have interacted in the ways that we have!! u are so sweet n so talented!! like the fact that u have the patience for those lil video edits u do?? that is so cool!! all ur edits are so cool, i cannot imagine being able to make stuff like that without dying every single time. u are so cool n i love being able to call u my friend!!

♡ GRIFF ♡

(aka griff)

♡ @yawnralphio ♡ u get ur own section bc u are my only 911 friend who isnt an og, but thats ok bc u are so swaggy!! i love being friends with u griff, u are so cool and funny and i am so glad that u still want to be friends with me despite all of the horrifying things u’ve learned about mcyt from me jdhfajkdhfa. i love u so much n i am so excited to get to know u more n get closer to u!!

♡ FRUITBLR ♡

(aka mcyt friends)

♡ @fear-epidemic ♡ atlas u are so swaggy and funny!! tumblr funny man!! im so glad we’re mutuals, i love u a whole lot. that one time u me n wilby played bed wars together was so fun even if we’re really bad! n that one time we played on the fruitblr server while on vc was so fun, i loved talking to u n playing with u so much, we gotta do that again sometime. i love u so much chapin n im so glad we’re friends!!

♡ @netheritedream ♡ hari my beloved... i love u so much. like literally so much that its really embarassing. i am so glad u tagged me in that one follow forever post n put the offer on the table to let me join the server. i love being ur dumb lil husband!!! jus like actual fundy, i would risk it all to watch treasure planet with u. i love u sososo much, i wish i could live closer to u so i could actually talk to u more often </333 im going through severe withdrawal, pray for me. im gonna stop talking for now bc if i kept going on, this post would be several miles along n nobody has time for that </3 just know that i love u so much and i love having matching icons n i love being ur husband, i love u so much

♡ @sootswilbur ♡ tommy... i care you so much. little bromther!!! im sososo glad we’re friends bc u are so kind to me all the time n u are so easy to talk to!! ur also so talented, ur writing n ur gifs are so amazing n im so proud of all the awesome stuff u make!! seeing u experiment more with ur gif sets n trying new things is so awesome n inspiring and i love seeing ur experiments work out!! i love u soso much n im so happy to be ur big brother!! (or one of them at least)

♡ @fruitbur ♡ virgil my Other beloved... i love u so much!! u are one of the kindest people ive ever met n im so glad i met u!! i know ive already told u this before but ur tagging system is so sweet n i love seeing u reblog my posts bc im like “yay alastair is gonna tell me that he loves me in the tags :D” i also lovelovelove ur theme, i love the soft pink and the lil aesthetic board that u have pinned, its so nice to look at!!! ily sososo much <333

♡ @theartofmining ♡ hey fruit ily. like genuinely, u are so unbelievably funny that u make my ribs hurt so much. i know we’re like never rly that serious but i love u so much. as much as i joke about hating u, i really am glad we’re friends n i really look forward to becoming better friends with u. i love u a whole lot rain, i love seeing u on my dash bc ur full of good takes n funny posts

♡ @sapnaplive ♡ dream.... bonks our foreheads together... i care u so much. my other half!!! i love u with my whole little heart. u are soso cool and im so lucky to be able to call u my friend!! ur themes are always so cool, i wish i could be half as cool as them!!! ur art is also so epic like??? u are a triple threat: good at art, tumblr themes, AND minecraft building. and ur also so kind!!! u are one of the sweetest people i know, i love u so much and im so glad im friends with u!!

♡ @dreams-little-kitten ♡ corn u are so weird and i mean that in the kindest way possible. u are so cryptic n i love that so much about u. ur like the wilbur to my philza sometimes and i think thats so awesome. that one time u came into my inbox to talk shit about that one cuphead boss was so funny and absurd, i loved that so much. i love You so much. i love how ur just so effortlessly funny, n im so glad i can be friends with u

♡ @dreamsmp ♡  JEL!!!! i love u so much holy cow. u are so sweet!! all the time!!! ur also so talented, ur gifs always look so good!!! i love being friends with u, ur always so nice to me n u always leave rly nice tags when u reblog my gif sets that make me so happy!!! i think about that one time u rbed my fundy gif set n said “FUNDY GIFS” and “GIFS BY FUNDY” it made me so happy!!! i love u a whole lot, im so glad we’re friends :)

♡ @leaguelol ♡ damien!! i love u so much u funky little cryptid!! i love when u pop into the gc just to share cryptic thoughts, u are so strange but i think thats so cool of u!!! i honestly see u kinda like a lil sibling, im always so proud of u when i see ur art on my dash!! u are so talented at art!! i love u so much n i love being ur friend, ur rly sweet n i love seeing u on my dash and in the gc!!

♡ @its5undy ♡ idk why im putting u on this, ur my mortal enemy. jkjk, i actually love u a lot clay! i love joking around with u, ur so funny and for what. im so glad u joined the gc bc i love talking to you so much!! i still love that one time u reblogged that fwt gif set n tagged me in it moments after I reblogged it. i love that u thought about me, that rly warms my heart! i love being friends with u sososo much

♡ @cavalreee ♡ oh hey, another great big fruit!! i dont think we talk all that often, which is a shame, bc ur so sweet!! and also so fucking funny, why is everyone in this friend group so fucking funny, its not fair. i love seeing u on my dash talking with ur other friends, u always have the funniest convos ever. also? ur desktop theme is SO epic, it threw me off the first time i saw it but its so swaggy, just like u!! i love u soso much azzie, n i hope we can talk more in the future bc ur so cool

♡ @technosoot ♡ i love u even tho ur a br*t /j /j /j. jannat u are so unbelievably sweet. im so glad u joined the gc bc u are such a kind presence both in there and on my dash! u radiate very Warm, Friend energy. ur friend shaped. i love u so much n i love being friends with u!! im very eager to become closer friends with u bc u seem like a really amazing friend to have

♡ @sortasortaspicy ♡ les where are u in the gc i miss u </3 i love u so much, u fit in so well from the very beginning n brought so much more fun and laughter into the gc. i dont know u all that well n i dont think we’ve talked one on one like. at all. but id love to get closer to u bc ur so rad and ur so sweet!!

♡ EPIC PEOPLE  ♡

(aka mutuals who are so cool n id love to be friends with u pls talk to me)

@eurytherm ♡ @vampkings ♡ @weelbur ♡ @wilburtheesoot ♡ @quackityskarl ♡ @wimblrscoot ♡ @technofarmer ♡ @wooteena ♡ @bloodforblood ♡ @smpsapnap ♡ @literallynotfound ♡ @hearty-an0n ♡ @enderanboo ♡ @springbonniecpu ♡ @pandascanpvp ♡ @tommylnnits ♡ @strawberrygogy ♡ @timedeo ♡ @nymika-arts ♡ @h-isforhome ♡ @eboykarl ♡ @joe-alkaysani ♡ @betwecouldmakesome ♡ @squirrelstone ♡ @maddieandchimney

[yioh]

2020 follow forever :^)

hello it is, but i, ur local frog, yura, i really realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy wanted to make some kind of post to appreciate everyone on here because , fr, you guys have been such a large part of my life recently and i can not thank you enough... every single person i have interacted with on here has been so wonderful and it’s been such a pleasure to talk with you guys<3

also extremely extremely extremely sorry if i forget anyone, i really really do love every single person i interact with!! this is my first time doing something like this also this is probably filled with typos but im too impatient and lazy to read what i wrote, im so sorry if its weird or something aaaaaaaaaaaa jhdsgjhd

without further ado lets goooooo losers😎

@honeyedmilks sof u are one of the softest people i know, we didn’t get to talk that much this year but i love ur presence in general and it makes me :D when u pop up on my dash/notes hehe, i can’t express just how much i adore ur writing, the vibes and settings and the way u write in general is so my thing and !!!!!!!! <3 

@asianmelodrama faizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa u are mine and a lot of other people’s sunshine on this hellsite !!!! ur blog is so feel good and pretty and relaxing and i love all ur thoughts and ur gifs are soooooooooo pretty and ur so cool !!!!!!!! thank u for being so kind and creative and wonderful and for creating a place so safe and lovely i love u i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

@muscosus robin robin robin robin ILUSM !!!!!!! ur so fun to talk to and i find it so amusing that we met each other via druck but then consequently found all our interests colliding and we were literally *shook pikachu* kdhigjdghkjf also whenever u tag me in whale stuff it warms my heart so much and i treasure our friendship so so much !!!

@lesbiangoths OLIVIA why are u so adorable :( everytime u send me an ask im :) ur so creative and talented and ur crocheting stuff looks so COOL !!!!! also ur vibe is just immaculate in general and talking with u is so easy, never change ilu bro

@illiterateopossum ELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur DEFINATELY one of the people on here that are MOST special to me, all our conversations are so freaking fun and man, u just get me .... and watching u get into all the dramas and anime i reccomend ??? it makes my heart doki doki hiagsjhjh thank u for always looking out for me and sending me the most loveliest messages, im really really bad with words and i am SHITE with keeping up with messaging but i seriously treasure our friendship so so much, i only hope for good things to happen to you next year and all the years after that, you’re such a kind wonderful person and !!!!!!!!!!!! i love u sm :(

@beesnutz KJDFKHIJFHKD GUSTE i wanna be emotional this one time and tell u that ur seriously such a fun person and the way my brain goes on overdrive from creativity when i talk to you is . insane. i want to bonk ur head with as much cereal as i can, never forget that you will always be the dumb sidekick to me, the superior villain and i WILL lead the way to world domination one day. sometimes i feel like u aren’t even real, you could be an anime character and i wouldn’t even bat an eyelash . ilu <3

@rosa-leche kana kana KANA :^) how are u so ???? sweet ???? adorable ???? wonderful ????? i already had so much fun interacting with you, all ur thoughts and messages are always so sweet and u make me smile SO much, and after the secret santa i feel like we have so much in common !!!!!!!!! do tell me if u ever watch bloom into you hehe, keep being the angel u are, ilusm !

@petekaos RAHUL !!!!!!!!!!!!! meeting u this summer feels like so long ago somehow, you sir!!! are one TALENTED person . it really really amazes me with how much passion you get into things and how much love and adoration you put into the things you create, its so so special .... anytime i see u vibing on my dash it fills me with so much joy, keep doing u bro !!!!

@toptaps zeeeeeeeeeeey you are so lovely :) you’re so gentle and soft and i adore talking with u about nanamin, also u are so cool and i was rly rly happy when u followed me lol, lowkey i admired u from afar jdhjkhdijd i love uuuuuuu

@fushiguroo MY LIL OREO CUTIE PATOOTIE oFC i still remember the first ask u sent me, i was so taken aback and honoured :( and the more and more i talked with you and saw you on my dash i was so happy, you have such good taste and you’re so so cute, take care of urself and stay the precious bean u are ok? 

@morksuns sumaya sumaya sumayaaaaaaaaaaaa everytime you interact with me im :D i love all our little convos and ur vibe in general is so peaceful and relaxing, im glad i got to meet you:’) here’s to another year and many more after that, that are filled with only good dramas !!!

@gayvlad NICO (nico niiiiiiiiiiiiii ) YOU DESERVE THE W O R L D. i dont know why but as soon as i had like one convo with u that one time i thought u were such a chill cool person :( im so happy that i get to be friends with you, all ur gifs are so pretty !!!!!!!! ur such a kind person and ur blog is such a warm nice place to be. :) 

@cupidhashorns   peach ........... PEACH !!!!!!!!!! you might be one of the nicest people in the WORLD , whenever u like my posts, regardless of whether u know what im on about lmao, i feel so seen... its just so nice to know that Someone i listening to the shit you throw into the void on this site lmao, i adore all ur asks and i truly truly appreicate all your messages so much. thank you for finding my blog interesting at all man, i cant tell you enough how happy you make me :)

@guihan arloooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY CAT FRIEND . THE AMOUNT OF SEROTONIN YOU HAVE GIVEN ME IS IMMEASURABLE your cats ................... are so cute .............. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so glad i got into tsomd and got to meet you , whenever u tag me in things im !!!!!!!!! also im defo gonna read  twwtadsl sometime ksdjkdhjksd you make it sound so good aaaaaaaaaaaaa

@otterplush rey many people have probably already told you this but you are someone so ...... so spectacular and special and incredible and amazing ............  so much of your words has given me SO MUCH comfort in the short time i had known you, seriously. i seem to always stumble on your blog whenever im most hurt and your words have really had an impact on me in the best way possible and i love u so so so so much. i only wish for good things to happen for you and i want to be there for you in a way you are for everyone else !!! you are so warm and kind an generous, everything about your vibe feels so soft... also i always wanna rb everything you rb ndjbshs ur blog is so pretty :( 

@aheartandashirt nisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA MY KSH THIRST BUDDY KDHJKHDKJHDF fr ive had some of the BEST convos with you, ur taste in dramas is !!!!!!!!!!immaculate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its so so so  fun talking with you and everything you gif looks so nice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for being such a lovely friend to me, you’re so easy to talk with and so friendly and nice and <3 *pat pat pat* 

@tetsuos dawn dawn !!!! you are !!!!!!!!!! such a talented person !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love ur little corner on the web, its so nice to read all ur thoughts about the dramas you’re watching, all your thoughts are so well thought out and interesting to read and, in general, i adore seeing you do ur thing :) *hug hug * 

@heartsofsunlight angel ! your drawings are so beautiful !! you are such a beautiful person in general ! whenever u drop by it makes me so happy, its been so lovely getting to know you, thank you so much for talking to me :) i love uuuuuuu

@metawin jay jay jay !!!!!!!!!!!! for some reason whenever i see u im overcome with so much love !!! everything you make is so beautiful and u are defo one of the most elite people here hehe, also ur cats are ........ so adorable ............ 

@metawwin aliiiiiiiiiiiii, its been such a pleasure seeing you on here !! ur so soooooo kind and whenever u sent me those adorable asks it made me so happy, you’re like a little happiness fairy, you eminate so much joy and positivity !! also ur singing ... immaculate 

@87s min min !!!! u are soooooooooooo adorable, i think ive said this before but u seriously give me little sibling vibes lol, its so fun talking to you, and im so happy that you first popped up to me !!!!!!!!!!! iluuuuuuuu

@joblessquinoa JQ :^)    i always associate you with my engineer haha, and that was so long ago !!!!! ur so fun to talk to, and i adore seeing u rb and leave ur thoughts on all the manga and webtoons im reading !!!! in fact whenever u like my posts i aways feel so happy hehe, also . i literally wouldve failed my coding course without u thank u SO much for helping me out * cries* 

@gigiesarocha cata CATA CATA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  when you first popped up i was so elated to talk to you, u seemed so nice:( and later when u told me u watched joan’s galaxy because of me i was sdhfsgijdfhjkdhjkfh all ur gifs are so unbelieveably gorgeous, i literally go back to the set u made of yioh staring at joan skipping all the time, its so ........ beautiful.......... hopefully we get more wlw content next year and hopefully theyre all as good as joan’s galaxy hehe, iluuuuuuuuuu

@yibobibo aamna my love !!!!!!! how are you so precious ? everytime u reblog any of my posts its an instant serotonin boost, the experience of getting back into mdzs along with u was seriously incomparable, it was so FUN and i wanna go back :( ur such a friendly wonderful and talented person and i adore seeing all ur creativity blossom on this website, ilu aamna !

@brightwin JELLY jelly u are literally the human embodiment of the softest teddy bear in the WORLD . i wanna give u all the hugs and pats i can because u make me so !!!!!!!!! happy and u fill me with so much soft warmth ........... thank u for being u, all ur gifs are so pretty and its been so nice to be able to bask in the light that comes off of u, never change i love u so sooooooooooo much <3

and lastly, some blogs that i really really adore !

@kurusutakatsu @chanagun @yuhaosturtle @jiangyanlisgf @duoerla @yinyu @tichawongtipkanon @jbums @wenqing @lemongrasslesbian @weiixian @schech @kikuism @earthfluuke @0ffgun @yamaguccchi @wullu @seniorwitch @leoyunxi @floraflorenzi @dreamterlude @florbexter @doctorbahnjit

[many-gay-magpies]

i got tagged by @mari-kigold!! this was so much fun, thank u for the tag artzyy <3

1. why did you choose your url?

very simple actually. it was gay-jesus-official for the longest time but i needed a change of pace, SO here we are! im gay, i like birds, and my name is magpie—hence, many gay magpies.

(more under the cut)

2. any side blogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

i have three but in only really use one of them sjfhdffgfgc

@bambihee, for moodboards! (it's mainly enhypen-centric at the moment, as is my main)

the other two are old blogs from back when i was in the koc. one of them was my koc "main" that is 99% dead, and the literal only reason i havent deactivated yet is because of the past messages with a close moot that i dont want to lose ;-; the other is a koc rant blog-turned-normal rant blog that i havent used in weeks, honestly i dont know why im keeping it. attachment? pretty jeonghan layout? who knows. anyways im not tagging either of them because theyre both dead af and there would be literally no point <3

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

hold on uhhhh *sounds of a gay doing math* i think like 19 or 20 months? cuz i joined in october of 2019

4. do you have a queue tag?

i barely use the queue BUT since i recently started making moodboards i have a tag for when i promote stuff from my moodboard blog which is just q: bambihee

but other than that no

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i'd been kind of wanting to do it for a while cuz i kept seeing screenshots of tumblr posts on pinterest and it seemed gloriously chaotic (it is), but what really made me take the ✨deep dive✨ was me wanting to see what the kpop, particularly stray kids, fandom was like on tumblr

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

it's a picture of heeseung because i'm whipped for him and it's this PARTICULAR picture of heeseung because he just looks so soft in it :(( like seriously his eyes are so big and beautiful

7. why did you choose your header?

i don't have a header at the moment, BUT my last header was a screenshot of heeseung from the fever mv which i don't think requires an explanation <3

8. what's your post with the most notes?

i don't know for certain, but im guessing its the one onlyoneof post i made about the members' reactions to wooksung's ✨move✨ in the libidO dance practice

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i havent counted and i dont really care to to be honest

10. how many followers do you have?

325

11. how many people do you follow?

350

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

what, really, is the criteria for a shitpost? what is "shitposting"? what is our purpose in life?

(the answer is yes)

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

ahahAHA

hAHA

hA

ha

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

if i ever end up fighting somebody, even just over tumblr, i will probably cry, have a panic attack, or both. i would rather walk into a tree than engage in conflict with a person.

i did disappoint someone once and frankly i think that was just as bad

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

i do not like them. i used to reblog like every one i saw because i was always like "but what if", but i have since decided that i will not be giving a fuck. i reblog your post when i want to, thank you very much, i dont care if madame zeroni or whoever the fuck curses me for all eternity, that shit is an unnecessary stressor for already plenty-stressed human beings and has no place on my blog

16. do you like tag games?

yes!! not that you'd know it from how little i actually participate in them svfhfhfgdg

i appreciate you tagging me very much i am just forgetful and stressed :<

17. do you like ask games?

ALSO yes! tho i dont get them that often tbh

the ones that are like 'mutuals send this emoji in an ask to see what your mutual thinks of you!' lowkey stress me out because im afraid i wont know what to say ghdhghvh (it doesn't stop me from doing them tho <3)

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

uh. none of them? i dont know

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nope, and i never have <3 (not a serious CRUSH-crush, anyway)

20. tags?

im gonna tag @ateezaligned @baby-dinobean @markismybxtch @sunghoonseyebrowcult and anyone else who wants to do this! you don't have to if you don't want to ofc ^^

[nikkigrand]

i saw that you've been reblogging posts and stuff, but you dont update, which is totally fine! no pressure!! but i've noticed that you're such a loner in fandom and barely talk to anyone, and disappear alot??? can i ask why?? we all love your work and would love to be more involved with you

I wanna start by saying thank you for reading and supporting my work. It gives me the fuzzies to know that people like the things I put out. 

Now, on to your question! I guess this will be a long one lol. 

I’ve been a part of the Naruto fandom for about 15 years now - as a silent lurker and as a contributor. That’s a large part of my life. 

When I first started, fandom was this thing where you could unleash your creativity upon the world and people’s comments were either constructive criticisms (such as spelling, grammar, plot, character development, etc.) or praise for your work. 

There were flames, of course, but i can’t remember if these flames were personally incendiary or along the spectrum of, “your character is a Mary Sue, and this is terrible and I hate it.”

There were dark!fics, squik!fics, fetish!fics, all types of fics that were creative in a way that would challenge the author and the reader. And we all knew that just because they liked writing about it, it didn’t mean that they did these things in real life. 

In fact, fanfiction.net hadn’t even been around for a decade when I first logged on. I only created an account 5 years after finding it. I remember when character slots were being updated each time a new Shippuden chapter was released.  

Don’t get me wrong, these were also the days of active character bashing. I guess things in that respect haven’t changed, but back then, if you didn’t like a character or a pairing, you just didn’t read or actively search for it. This is where the term “Don’t like, don’t read” or “DLDR” came from. 

Now, you’ll have people who disagree with what you contribute to the point where they’ll actually dox you. That was simply unheard of back in the early 2000s and 2010′s. For some, fandom is a secret part of their lives - a guilty pleasure, something they don’t want others to know about. That’s why usernames exist. 

A lot of us write erotica, and some of us don’t want people knowing that - i sure don’t. 

And now, because users are becoming more guarded, they feel protective over their work, who they share it with, and who they allow into their circles. Which is fine for them, I guess, that’s their prerogative. But, I miss the days where fandom was all inclusive. 

For example, I tried joining a server for a pairing I really enjoyed and was excited because I could talk about this thing that brought me joy with other people who would also be excited to share what they thought. Except, I was told I could not join because my content “made them uncomfortable” and I need more recommendations from other users.

Being told I could essentially “not sit with them,” was a Mean Girl way of saying I did not fit into their mold and their ideals of what fandom should be. Their 2020 definition of a fandom “safe space” is not the same as it was back then.

And that absolutely blew my mind. That I would be excluded from an environment that used to be so inclusive that I could theoretically write a story about a tailed beast orgy and no one would have batted an eye. 

I mean, what is this? An exclusive club I need recommendation letters to join? The hell? Is this college? A corporate job? The Illuminati???

Since when was that even a THING in fandom??

So now, I keep to myself. 

I disappear often because this is just a hobby. If I want to write, I will write. If I don’t, I don’t. Once I feel like this is a job, it is no longer enjoyable for me. I am under no obligation to post anything I write, I only do so because I want to share. 

I have never been a writer who updates based on reviews or kudos. I have stories with over 30k words that have 8 reviews, and I don’t care. I have stories with 10k words with 100 reviews, and I still don’t care. Why? Because I write for ME. Because it makes ME feel better. And if you enjoy what makes me feel better, then that is simply a bonus for me. (this doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate reviews, they’re just not necessary for me.)

Bashing does not affect me, I couldn’t care less what losers who have nothing better to do have to say. Like, how weird do you have to be to attack someone over fictional characters? I mean, there’s weird and then there’s fucking weird. 

So, yeah, I keep to myself because the Naruto fandom has become toxic and I like keeping my blog a drama free zone. This has always been my own version of a safe space. This blog is still in the 2000s days of fandom. Back when it was FUN. I talk about what I want, post what I want, and do what I want.

Some people may see me as cut throat and a hard ass, but I don’t believe in bowing down to people I don’t know over the internet lol. I have thick enough skin to ignore weirdos.

Don’t get me wrong, any of my readers can message me and talk to me and ask me anything without fear. I believe in respect, kindness, and courtesy. I have NOT ONCE ever treated one of my followers like they were beneath me, or like they should be grateful for what I’ve shared with them. 

Because for me, that is not what fandom is about. 

[kikisdeliveryservices]

When you get this, you must publicly post something nice about at least 5 different people you follow, then copy and paste this in each of their ask boxes :^)

i also got this from @katsukes so im gonna include wat wouldve been my responses in this too! 

also theres a strong possibility ppl have already received this message in their inboxes bc every1 is wonderful

@celiabowens - first, TY SO MUCH! truly its an honor to get this from u! can i also take a moment to hype u up w/ how talented & sweet u r? its such a treat to have u on my dashboard! ur a huge inspiration and hopefully i can get to ur level someday hahaha. im also really happy to follow u bc im trying to get back into reading & ik that ur into literature so i get to have a bunch of reading recs. plus seeing ur lit posts motivate me to expand my tastes & get back into reading :)

@katsukes - ian where do i even start! u interact w so many ppl & make this website really fun to be on. u reach out to a lot of ppl & spread much needed kindness. i feel like u put in a lot of effort to make every1 feel welcomed, which is so appreciated. the content u make for so many fandoms as well is stunning! u truly do a lot for tons of fandoms & i think were pretty blessed to have u on this site

@whisperhearts - ur really kind & a positive person, to the point where it compelled me to start interacting with ppl more on tumblr to try to also bring some kindness on this site. i also really admire ur gfx too bc of the way u use typography! aesthetic is A++. u also inspired me to try bullet journaling & actually keep up w/ it for once in my life lmao

@queerbucky - u help me bring out my creativity & motivation to make gifs! u always makes requests & im so happy to make them for u. as a content creator, when some1 does this it makes u feel special. i really appreciate u & how kind u r!

@wuatsui - since i came back to tumblr, ur some1 who made me feel really welcomed. i iniatially followed u on my anime blog, where u tagged me in a lot of get to know u posts. prior to this i rarely interacted with ppl, so having u wanting to get to know me felt nice! ur content & gifs r also A+! i especially like ur naruto gifs & seeing them on my dash is part of the reason why i started rewatching it :)

@mafuyuh - u have a really warm aesthetic & personality. i super enjoy seeing u interact with others bc ur so approachable. ur also very creative & everything u put out is honestly amazing & breathtaking. i would never in a million years think up the things u do! seeing u in my notifications is always a treat!

@zuura - ur someone who i followed on the more recent side, & i sorely regret not doing it earlier! when i see u reblogging things, u always have something positive to say. the world could really benefit from more ppl like u! also ur colorings r AMAZING. i feel like theyre always glowing & vibrant! 

@arriettvs - ur a very sweet person! although we havent interacted extensively i feel like were kindred spirits :) ur content is remarkable. genuinely, i love seeing how u use typography in ur gfx & i love seeing the pretty colors u bring out in all ur gifs. u also follow all of my blogs which is extremely kind of u. also i hope this isnt weird but ur 1 of the few active followers on my photo blog so i try to reblog stuff i think u would like as well LOL

@yuuki-ko - ur work is super recognizable & i can tell whenever i c ur gifs on my dash. theyre always vibrant & stand out. also ik a lot of my mutuals follow u too & i can see why! u respond to every1 w such kindness! lastly, i love reading ur comments in the tags bc u seem so excited w/ a lot of stuff & it also makes me feel excited hahaha

@manganimae - first of all, ur URL is SO perfect & fun! my other social media usernames r also puns off of my name so when i first followed u & took a look at ur about i instantly fell in love w ur URL hahaha. i think ur also super creative to incorporate manga panels + gifs in ur edits :) additionally, its super fun to see wat new things u come up with! all ur ghibli gifs r so fun bc u color them in ways that i dont think ive ever seen before

@kiyomie - ur work amazes me every time i see it. u managed to create a look in all of ur edits thats specific to u, & thats a massive feat that i think is very hard to do, especially across different fandoms. ik that anon also sent u an accusatory message not too long ago, but i think u handled it very gracefully too, which i think is a huge comment on how mature & kind u r!

[kwanfairy]

check in tag ✅

i was tagged by @choi-hae - much obliged as always my love (ɔˆз(ˆ⌣ˆc)

1. WHY DID YOU CHOOSE YOUR URL? my url usually changes with my current hyperfixation haha oops i dont remember which video it was but the editors called Byeongkwan a fairy and i was like "yes you are so right" (♡μ_μ)

2. ANY SIDE BLOGS? nope. i only have this clusterfuck of a mess lmao i do keep all my prev url's tho cause im a sentimental bitch

3. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON TUMBLR? for almost 10 years (・_・) good lord

4. DO YOU HAVE A QUEUE TAG? i tried queueing stuff years ago for a short time so i for sure had one but i dont see the need to use the queue function as i dont post any own content so

5. WHY DID YOU START YOUR BLOG? i was 16/17 when i first got really into MCR and i looked up a bunch of pics and continuously stumbled across tumblr so i thought ya know this lil website seems to cater to my needs and 10yrs and 78 hyperfixations later here we are

6. WHY DID YOU CHOOSE YOUR ICON? dsjhajkdhj is there really an explanation needed????????? I MEAN LOOK AT MY LIL MAN PLS (ಥ з ಥ)

7. WHY DID YOU CHOOSE YOUR HEADER? because i'm a huge ass simp for the boyfrriends but also mobile didnt let me change it to junhee getting smacked in the face with a balloon (but i will prob try again soon cause its just too good of a moment bless)

8. WHAT'S YOUR POST WITH THE MOST NOTES? like i said im not a content creator but the boyfriends made me do this and this (this one here is the actual post with the most notes but i didnt even credit the source and should prob delete it)

9. HOW MANY MUTUALS DO YOU HAVE? pls i have no idea literally anyone who follows me or who i am following is my beloved regardless if we follow eachother or not

10. HOW MANY FOLLOWERS DO YOU HAVE? i'd prob have 3000 if i wouldnt block all the porn bots i have 400+

11. HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU FOLLOW ...39 💀 im just very picky while complaining about my dash being dry af

12. HAVE YOU EVER MADE A SHITPOST? as i dont talk much on tumblr nothing really comes to mind but im sure ive made 1 or 2 in all those years

13. HOW OFTEN DO YOU USE TUMBLR EACH DAY? i check in a few times throughout the day but become more active before i go to sleep

14. DID YOU HAVE A FIGHT WITH ANOTHER BLOG? WHO WON? lmao no im not one to fight with ppl online. if theres someone i heavily disagree with i either unfollow or block them

15. OPINIONS ON "YOU NEED TO REBLOG THIS" POSTS? i hate the pressuring nature of those posts.. thankfully i am capable of forming my own opinions/stances and advocate them respectfully

16. DO YOU LIKE TAG GAMES? yeeeee!! as mentioned im a very introverted and timid person but i love doing these cause by tagging other ppl i can indirectly tell them that i love them (while learning about them) and by being tagged i too feel seen and appreciated („ಡωಡ„) plus they are fun in general!

17. DO YOU LIKE ASK GAMES? ive never done any but i dont think id like them. i def prefer tag games!

18. WHICH OF YOUR MUTUALS IS TUMBLR FAMOUS? yall are famous to me (ง ื▿ ื)ว ♡ !!

19. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON A MUTUAL? yall are very much loved by me (ง ื▿ ื)ว ♡ !!

20. TAGGING @stitchzmile @minbinlix @emmy-clou @awwfuckno @hotarukanzaki @brightstarinthesky as usual feel free to ignore~

[ray-the-fanatic]

Personal posting tw//blocking

I had made a choice to cut out a very toxic person from my past. Said person was harrassing me over it since I had done so. At first i just made the simple choice of unfollowing them and not talking i figured that all thats all I would need todo.

Said person was an ex of mine and the realtionship was highly abusive. To a point they had me isolating myself from friends and even family. Eventually I ended it. I kept our "friendship" out of fear because they had me believing so much that they were the only person who cared about me. I lost my love for doing the things I loved because of them, it's why I took so much pride is graduating from Rocky Mountain college of art + design. Because despite my loss in passion I manage to do it.

After sometime, after the break up, thier behavior was the same. But they were the only friend I felt I had because of how closed off I became. They just dragged me down more and more even when not in a realtionship. I stopped interacting on social media and just kept to myself. After some time they started to stop talking to me as well. I had a major break down one day with my mother and just like a child cried my heart out over everything. Eveutally thanks to her I got help i needed and I repaired my broken realtionships with family and friends I became distance towards. But social media i stayed away from for about 3 years.

Last year around the holiday season i was catching up on ducktales 17. I had fell behind around the DWD epsiode. And just loved seeing a charater that was such a comfort to to me come back.. ended up reading drakepad fanfiction between work breaks and started to follow others who made content or just reblogged stuff cause Disney ducks was something I always liked. I was inspired by some of these people and decided to draw some fanart, got interested in the ships, worte my first fanfic in years. Started to interact with others even revived two old ocs of mine.

My art was just some basic stuff but someone started to reblog it, gave me a heart attack each time xD. Then I made a post asking to borrow someone's oc for a drawing promt. I never expected a friendship to come out of that. Which lead me to talking and interacting with another mostly for ask memes on here but everytime I saw these two usernames it made me smile. Since we just tended to reblog stuff between the three of us often. Eventually I started to use Twitter again too where I saw some fanart for a au I thought was a cute idea and got invited into a discord from the artis of that. Where some of the first people I followed were in and gave me a chance to get to know them more. Thanks to a epsiode bringing back a charater from the show I got to talk more to that second person mentioned before that I was just following/admiring and now we're in a discord with the person who took me up on the oc thingy.

I was stand of ish and scared outta of my mind but these people were just so nice to me? And it helped me see all the things this toxic person put on my head was maybe wrong? So I decided to cut them out. As stated before at first it was mild but I slowly had to take bigger steps in the process blocking them and such which is whu im glad social media makes it so other's don't know. I blocked them on anything they personally interacted with me on, but they kept harrasing me beyond that. Screen shotting posts I was making claming they were about them finding accounts of mine they shouldn't be able to (big reason my nsfw Twitter is locked and why I dont give to much attetion to none of my tumblerblogs outside my art one) I've had to take futher action because of them.

Its been well alot but these friends I have made especially two who have become very dear to me dorky and kezzie, had really helped me through all this. I unfortunately am a very private person, and keep things to myself. Not out of any reason. so I haven't talked about this alot and I'm getting better about that. But these friendships I made I really appreciate no matter how small our interactions may be to just Twitter interactions or sharing art or yelling in discord haha. It's been a major blessing to me. I love doing art again, I love writing fanfiction and I even went and tried to get into a zine (which I did!) And its thanks to the support I've been receiving that im where I am now. All because I wanted to read drakepad fanfiction haha.

[girlrry]

i follow her wait what does she do that’s so wrong? I genuinely dont know so pls enlighten me sksksks

Anonymous said:I’m gonna need the tea SPILLED sis. It seems like my entire dash went from being friends/reblogging all her stuff to indirectly shit talking her on a daily basis. I know she blocked and ghosted a bunch of mutuals (bc of her “ed”??) but... 👀

okay so basically i was in a gc with her this summer and she always made everyone feel kinda weird like the way she would talk about harry. i remember one time somebody said something about jeff and she said she didn’t even know who that was (in an effort to make herself sound quirky hehe) and that it’s weird that people know “so much” about harry and that we shouldn’t assume anything about him and how she doesn’t have enough time or energy to devote herself to knowing that about him (while she’s writing a fic about him??). she constantly asked us what we thought about her fic and we would have to tell her each detail we liked (like she would NOT stop asking until we said at least one). then we didn’t text very much and she ghosted us and went off tumblr for a bit and then she came back. if she said something in the gc that was going on in her life we would listen and offer encouragement but if someone else said something she would wait like two minutes and then change the subject back to herself. if we talked about a struggle in our life (weight, poverty, family etc) she would try to one-up our situation with hers and it was so exhausting.

i think the weirdest thing was like, the way she WANTED harry to do drugs. she talked about it in the gc and she has a post on here about it too. her and one of her friends on here were like “oh harry for sure does coke” (she would say stuff like this minutes after saying that we can’t assume anything about harry or his life). we know harry’s done drugs and that’s fine and that’s his choice!! but she was like weirdly obsessed with it.

she ghosted the gc like literally didn’t say anything just left. even when we said stuff in there about her fic she never responded. then i see a bunch of other people have had the almost exact same experience with her where she ghosts people and is manipulative or lied to them. i’ve heard several instances where someone would confront her about her lying or something she did and she would manipulate it so she would sound like the victim or she would get sympathy. there’s a lot more in depth stuff but i’m trying not to say names and stuff but basically: she is one of the most self absorbed people i have ever talked to and i hope she realizes that tumblr game for a harry styles fic really isn’t gonna do much for you in the long run

[bigskydreaming]

I dont want to intrude on your convo with your friend but I've been reading all your posts about your changelings verse since you started making them. Is the Alicia you mentioned next to Boyd in the poart about the changeling market meant to be Boyd's little sister from TW? What's her change, if you don't mind telling??

LOL no worries, and you’re not intruding, I don’t mind comments or weighing in on any post I make ever, unless its specifically under a cut and I’m like ‘plz dont reblog Im gonna delete this in ten minutes anyway, IM JUST HAVING A MOMENT OKAY’ lolol.

So yeah, you’re fine, and if you follow me because of TW which you obvsly know well enough to recognize Alicia’s name, you probably know how much I love exploring minor or barely ever used characters, haha. Alicia Boyd is no exception and I have a ridiculous number of headcanons and places I’ve used her in various unposted WIPs considering that she made all of one appearance on the show and it was a hallucination/flashback. BUT WHATEVER.

Anyway, Alicia’s Change is one of my faves, and given that she’s such a barely there presence in TW, she’s a character I’m pretty comfortable keeping just as she is in my TW changeling headcanons, when writing the official ‘to be published’ stuff in this ‘verse. 

All Changelings’ physical changes and magic are in some way related to their personalities and individual traits, even if that connection isn’t immediately obvious. And even though the Changelings are supernatural in origin, given that their magic reflects who they are and who they are is a product of a 21st century modern society, I wanted some of them to have changes and magic that seems in some ways almost sci-fi or technology based, even while still definitively being magic at its source.

So for no particular reason other than just its my head, I’ll headcanon what I want, I’ve always pictured Alicia as a STEM girl, very much into science and math, and her change and magic ties into that.

Basically, she looks just like she did before she was Changed, so she’s a fourteen year old black girl who’s just a slightly older version of the character we saw briefly on TW….except for the fact that she’s at all times surrounded by what appear to be like…ghostly versions of herself.

Like, at any given time there’s a half dozen to a dozen different versions of herself, totally intangible and somewhat faded/transparent like a photo that hasn’t been fully developed….and they’re all ‘orbiting’ her, for lack of a better term….kinda like the electrons of an atom orbit it.

And these other versions of herself all look slightly different upon closer inspection - different hairstyles, clothing, a couple have glasses, etc….and some appear like they’re floating in mid-air, others like their feet are sinking into the ground….and most of them usually look like they’re just hovering or flickering around Alicia like half-formed images or ghosts that are all moving, doing something - whether appearing like they’re talking, walking, fighting, reading, any number of things….and all of them seemingly paying no attention to what’s going on around Alicia here and now, if they’re even aware of it.

Which they are though, because the thing is, these ‘satellite versions of herself’ are all alternate versions of herself existing currently in other parallel universes where the Change still occurred and they all ended up with the same magic as this Alicia.

So essentially, there are between ten and sixteen versions of Alicia, spread across an equivalent number of parallel universes….who are all Changelings with the exact same magic….which connects them all.

Just like they appear like ghostly images of this Alicia here, this Alicia appears as one of the ghostly images hovering around each of the other versions of herself in their realities.

And despite them always looking like they’re doing their own thing for the most part and oblivious to anything happening in a different reality, that’s just a matter of them learning after a loooot of practice and trial and error, how to primarily just focus on their main reality and only keep a vague/back of their mind awareness trained on what’s happening with the other versions of herself via their magical connection.

Whenever something big happens to one of them though, no matter which reality, like if one of them is in danger, the others can immediately stop what they’re doing in their home realities and pay attention to the one who’s actively in danger….because all the Alicias can communicate with each other, share knowledge and life experiences and skills with each other, and so whenever one of them really needs the others, the others can all focus on them and come to their aid or support them in a variety of ways, even without being physically present.

And some of these parallel universes are more similar than others, and some of them are just sliiiiightly out of sync with the others….like one of the Alicias lives in a universe that for the most part is almost identical to this Alicia’s universe….except its timeline is like, thirty seconds ahead of this one’s.

Meaning while its not foolproof, due to the very very minor differences in realities resulting in the people in each reality making slightly different choices….that 30 seconds ahead Alicia tends to for the most part be able to give this Alicia a 30 seconds heads up to any unexpected danger. 

And there’s a bunch of other ways their magic is helpful too….each of the Alicias’ has their own fields of study…remember since Changeling magic reflects the person, the fact that these Alicias all have the same magic is because all of these versions of her are precocious little science and math prodigies in some way….but they all have slightly different interests and scientific and mathematic pursuits they’ve applied themselves towards or decided to study in earnest. Which means any one of them can at any time draw on the knowledge possessed by one of the others due to studying a specific field that the other one doesn’t know a ton about. Or they can just talk to each other directly, ask each other questions about something, or use themselves as a sounding board or to bounce ideas off of each other. 

So sometimes Alicia will just stop in the middle of talking to other Changelings in town here to be like hang on a sec, I need to get this….and appear to just be talking to one of her own flickering reflections in the middle of the sidewalk, while anyone who knows her well is pretty used to this and just chills like someone waiting for a friend to finish up on the phone after she had to take an urgent call, lol.

And since the Alicias don’t have to be in the same or similar physical space to still appear as satellites of each other Alicia in her home reality, one Alicia can be physically present at one side of town and really need something like….from a book she left at home on the other side of town. And one of the other Alicias is usually bound to be at home and by focusing on her, Alicia can just ask her to read from her own book what this Alicia needs to know, or like, check something online, or solve a problem real quick for her and give her the answer while she focuses on doing something else urgent at the same time, etc.

Then there’s the fact that some of the Alicias have a lot of self-defense training and teach the others some tricks, and a couple are very practiced with a variety of weapons they can pass along expertise about….one Alicia excels at picking locks, which comes in handy as this Alicia, along with about five of the others, is kinda like….the Nancy Drew of their respective Bordertowns, the pint-sized, precocious PI that other Changelings often turn to despite her age, because Alicia (all the Alicias, really) is damn good at what she does.

Also via their connection to each other’s realities, when they focus they can basically see what’s going on around one of the others, so for instance, when this one is in danger or running from someone or something like that, and a few of the others are safe and sound at home, they can just focus solely on her and everything going on around her, and its like Alicia has preternatural awareness of her surroundings then, because she’s got five or six other versions of herself flickering around her head and at her back like ghostly shadows…and all of them are shouting instructions to her or to look out for this or that or turn here, etc. So there’s basically six pairs of eyes looking out for her and keeping her apprised of everything that’s going on in her vicinity at the moment. 

That really comes in handy. 

Everyone can see the other versions of herself that are most present via her connection at any given moment, given that that’s the nature of her physical Change, but since its her magic specifically, only she can actually hear the other versions of her or interact with them….with very rare exceptions. None of them have quite figured out yet how the connection totally works, in the sense that some of them are in sharper focus at times than others, like, there’s always some connection between all of them, but at different times some feel further away and are harder to communicate or interact with than others. And they’re not sure if that’s because like, their different universes are engaged in some kind of movement or orbit or rotation relative to each other, or if there’s some other reason for it, but a few of them are always working on that particular puzzle at any given moment, lol. 

But on a related note, on three separate occasions, when one of the Alicias in one reality was in extreme danger, another Alicia was able to temporarily ‘jump into the driver’s seat’ of that Alicia’s body, via their connection….one time was when one of the skilled fighters jumped into one of the Alicias who was being attacked by someone she’d followed during one of her investigations and turned out to be more dangerous than she’d expected….another time one of the other Alicias jumped into the body of an Alicia who’d been knocked unconscious in an accident and the other Alicia was able to assume control of her body and get her out of danger until she woke up and it bumped the other one back into her own body….and then the third time, one of the Alicias saw that this Alicia was about to get hit by a car that she didn’t see coming, and the alternate Alicia tried to warn her by projecting through their connection as hard as she could, to look out….and somehow accidentally jumped fully into this Alicia’s body and threw her(self) out of the way, before almost immediately being slingshotted back into her own body.

Except none of them have figured out how to do anything like that on command, despite it vexing a number of them. They just know it most likely has something to do with the intensity of a life or death threat or situation making it possible…even though it doesn’t always seem to happen, so they try not to rely on it.

And on one particularly memorable occasion that none of them have the faintest clue why or how it happened, eight of them went from flickering around this Alicia like satellite ghosts….to manifesting physically around her in this reality in their own bodies, and shocking the hell out of the guy trying to intimidate her, who was not at all prepared for the teen girl to suddenly be just one of a literal crowd of nine girls all staring him down. So he turned tail and ran, and they all almost instantly winked back into their home realities and returned to just being afterimage-esque glimpses of them still orbiting around her.

None of them have any idea how that happened or why, let alone how to make it happen again, which irritates the crap out of most of them because ugh, screw magic, there has to be a logical explanation for at least the mechanism of this, damn you supernatural forces with no coherent consistency!

(All the Alicias rant quite often about their inability to pin down firm rules for a lot of Changeling magic and how and why it operates the way it does. Big fans of logic, the Alicias. Not so much the bafflement).

Sooooo….she’s a LOT of fun to write, even though she’s very challenging to…maneuver around, narratively speaking, if that makes sense, lol….but like, yeah, I have a blast writing her. 

The main Alicia, the one who’s always front and center, is snarky but never in a mean-spirited way. More like….her mind is always twenty steps ahead of everyone around her, sometimes literally, lol, and so she rolls her eyes a lot and sometimes makes a show of being exasperated that she has to slow down and wait for everyone to catch up, but its not because of “oh I think everyone but me is so stupid” or anything like that, its usually just….pure impatience on her part. 

The second she figures something out she wants to go, go, go, move on to wherever that leads. She winds up getting in various less than totally safe situations purely because she doesn’t want to stop and grab someone to go along with her when checking something out, but also just because the nature of her magic means she’s never truly completely on her own, and she sometimes forgets to factor that in, or remember that her other selves aren’t usually physically present and able to help her out of a jam. 

She’s so used to their presences that every so often she just genuinely forgets that they’re not right there in the room with her, which has caused some confusion to more than one person when meeting her for the first time and realizing those silent movie-style images of her are actually real and she’s actually communicating with them, not just talking to thin air.

Fortunately, she’s smart and capable in her own right, so when you multiply that by a factor of twelve to fifteen similar minds all attuned to all of their best interests….there’s very few situations she isn’t capable of getting out of on her own. Not that this makes her big brother facepalm any less when she blithely handwaves off a recent escapade as no big deal and something she has no idea why he’s getting so worked up about.

(I mean, she does totally get his concerns and isn’t lacking in self-awareness, its just that she’s also committed to giving him gray hairs before he’s forty. She is, among other things, still a little sister after all.)

Due to her many alternate selves, and the vast array of personality differences between each of them, that many of her close friends are at least aware of by proxy, given that even though they can’t hear her other selves, they’ve all heard her casually talk about them often enough to know them in a sense as well….

Anyway, so a lot of Changelings have nicknames based on their Changes or magic, and she’s no exception. She goes by her own name and just introduces herself as Alicia, but its not uncommon to hear others address her as or reference her as ‘Sybil.’

When asked how she feels about that name, she tends to just shrug and stare off into the distance contemplatively. “I don’t know,” she’ll say at last. “Part of me loves it, and part of me hates it.”

And then she’ll just grin as everyone around her just groans, because she’s just Like This, and just looooves being literal in little ways like that - given that she’s literally acknowledging that half of her alternates feel the one way, and the other half feel the other way. 

Another common line of hers is something like “Hey, I’m only problematic on Thursdays,” or “that wasn’t me, that was Alicia Number Nine, its not my fault she hates you.”

Her magic is just weird enough and behaves just erratically and unexpectedly enough, that its hard to be entirely sure when she’s just bullshitting you and when she might actually be telling the truth and some weird power snafu had one of the other Alicias in her body the last time you interacted with her and she was short with you.

There’s never a dull moment with her.

[crimsonbluemoon]

My Tumblr Birthday!

Sooooo according to my archives and such, exactly one year ago today I became a member of the bbs fandom! It’s been a hell of a year, I will tell you that. 

So just some thoughts about this weird ass journey, if you’d be so kind to humor an old woman.

I kind of remember coming into this fandom not really expecting much? Like I kinda squirmed my way in thinking that it’d be really cool to like, read other peoples stories and get to know everyone. I don’t really know how, but I got attention because of my Cops AU idea that sort of caught wildfire. Then I posted my first little stories about Christmas and such before my bigger story, Want You,  and I was so amazed by the love and affection it got on this platform (I put it on Ao3 but it just wasn’t the same). 

I also remember how stunned I was with 100 followers? I felt like I had reached my peak and I couldn’t really go any higher. Again, I managed to get lucky by making some really good friends at the start of my fandom life and kind of being able to joke around and gain attention from them. It wasn’t any super big, but I was thankful for the time they gave me. Watching Deli draw, getting to know Kiwi, admiring Bels and Ether and Grace’s works. It was all so wonderful! 

Then around January, Sherry sent me a message asking me to help with an idea about a BBS shipping server. And it was crazy how that changed my life. The server brought good and bad things out, and I won’t say I never thought of just tossing in the towel and leaving. But I’m so happy that I stayed! I met people like Sei and Shorty and Pandy and Cana and Moon through my server. I got to see them grow as people and shared laughs with them. I also got to open up a bit and learn that it was okay to not be perfect. Because damn do I want to be perfect. But they supported me there, and evern at my darkest point,those who I never thought would stick up for me did. 

I learned what it felt like to be hated. I learned what it felt like to have people who didn’t know me, know my story, know my past and know my insecurities, rip me apart and make me feel worthless. I learned that sometimes, simply having a different opinion about a ship or a boy could make the nicest of people reject you. I learned that sometimes, people you thought would always be supportive and understanding of you could turn on you and never speak to you again. It was weird, knowing that despite the followers numbers that grew and the asks/fans who reached out to me and told me how ‘inspiring’ i was, I could feel so empty. To this day, I’m still struggling with this concept. I wanna figure myself out, and how I got to where I am while also not knowing who I am.

I started up one of the coolest projects in my life here; Libahunt. I’ve written stories before, don’t get me wrong. I’ve written stories for bigger fandoms, with more comments, more kudos, more views. BBS is a small time fandom, so I knew what I was getting into. But man, for such a little place, y’all have big hearts. The love, support, and just damn attention I got for this story was amazing. The fanart? I cant even begin to tell you how much that all means to me. Every time I see a piece, my heart melts to think I got to inspire someone. Hearing people freak out in discord, seeing the reblogs and comments you make...that’s all I want in life. So honestly, thank you all for making me realize how much I love this story and helping me get my ass back in gear to write it properly. 

Kind of on the same topic, I really got to thank some super important people for just...being there for me. I can’t list EVERYONE because jesus I would be here forever, but these ones just...they really stick out for me.

@firstaidquarters: My writing wife, half of my brain, my HC partner in crime, honestly one of the best people I’ve met. Ever. Like, do you get how much you mean to me? How you just make my world a better place? If I’m mad or sad or hyper or just being fucking stupid, you’re there. You literally spent 28 hours helping me write a story without ever asking anything in return. I wanted to quit, I wanted to throw my computer and never look at it again. But you just...sat there and kept me going. And now? It’s fucking amazing because of you. And I never have to explain myself to you. You just get it. And God I can’t even say enough how much our HCing has been a blessing. I don’t even think you realize that without you, I wouldn’t still be in this fandom. I cannot thank you enough, even if you created that wretched Minibat. 

@kihorri : We weren’t close originally but jesus you came in like a wrecking ball, eh? My life has been crazy since I did that Banana Bus Tales thing with you. You helped get my name on the map. And for the past couple months, I’ve really adored the frienship we’ve created. Our DM messages are probably enough to get us sent to hell, but I’m okay with that. Each time you tell me you’re reading my story, I melt. Like to think you’d waste your time on me? To get to joke with you about ‘certain’ types of stories and watch you draw silly pictures...it makes my world! You drive me up a wall every way you can, you make me cry from your beautiful art, but you could put the pencil down and never draw again and I’d still wanna talk to you every day. Even with your horrible sleep schedule. 

@mssjynx : YOU! God you are a menace. Sneaky other writing wife. But like, one of the best writers in the BBS/Misfits fandom. You make me wanna read angst. Do you know how hard that is?!?! Like jesus man, you were so amazing with your cute stuff and your sad stuff. And you’re just as wonderful outside of your stories. I give you shit, I pull your tail, and we bicker like old women, but you are one of the sweetest people I got to meet in this fandom and even if I threaten it, I’ll never divorce you ( I mean you killed all the lawyers so...). 

@piwiskiwi: My libahunt artist! Your work is AMAZING. And you are just so prescious? I dont get to talk to you as much as I want to, but you were one of the first people I really connected to in this fandom and you don’t understand how much joy your art brings me. Like, you’re a rock star. You helped me at the start of Libahunt when it was just an idea, you helped create these pictures that others now use as references. You’re kind and funny, and even if you feed into Bel’s crazy ship, you’re the best partner for Libahunt I could ask for. 

Honestly, there’s so many others! I wanna write you all something because you all have changed me in one way or the other. But I’d be here all night and I don’t wanna take up all of your time. So just know this: You all made me who I am. Without you, the person reading this right now, I wouldn’t be Crim. That means the world to me. So, you mean the world to me. Thank you for being around for my first year here. And I don’t know if you guys will care, or if anyone even remembers memories with me or if I’m just an author you read, but I just...thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. <3

And also thanks for letting me reach 1500 followers. (Eh its closer to 1600 now, cause this happened like 3 weeks ago but I just wanted to wait until my 1 year to say it all at once. No need for two sappy posts.)  

Sincerely,

CrimsonBlueMoon <3

[apebrain-apera]

*Note this will look better from my blog page*

Burying the Hatchet

a memoire by G.S.

Part 3 : EXACTLY WHAT YOU RUN FROM YOU END UP CHASING

Gathering your thoughts so you dont make yourslef look like a idiot is hard work. I think I'm going into this trying to apologize and explain the situation if you ever decided to look at this. And if you don't well that's not really any of my business or concern. Even in apologies its still all about me huh?

It's amazing how easy it is to realize the shitty things you've done when it's already too late to fix the damage, but the best thing to do is start with exposition before you give a whole story. It probably really got bad around graduation. A friend sat between us and I was glad that we didnt have to sit next to each other because I had no way to face you. I was terrified and I acted like an emotionless dick when I should've just tried my best to interact. We saw each other after since someone really wanted to get a picture of "the besties" before we inevitably went our seperate ways. We locked eyes and I ran away because no matter how much i thought I wanted to at least speak to you again, in the moment I'm a coward. That summer was pretty quiet but I found out the day before you left when you were leaving. I panicked and tried to talk which ofc lead to nothing good. I was hurt and said the exact opposite of what I wanted to which never ends well. Thats the last time we actually spoke.

I figured it was time to at least try to move on a month later but the "soft boi" bullshit was actually harder to shake that I thought. That one night I got a dm on my seccond account and saw that suprisingly I was not only blocked but still followed you. All at once my last three braincells fired off on each other "What do I do?" "Do I try to say something?" "What happens if it backfires?". I just decided to leave it alone, but that obviously didnt last long since the entire point of this post is showing how often I find myself chasing an inevitable end that I fear. Anyhow things were fine until your birthday came. I realized what the day was with less than an hour left and ofc I left it alo- no I didnt I did the irrational thing and fucking reached out which then lead to me throwing my phone to a friend who only made things worse. Thats strike two.

The final oof was when I decided to get back on this app. I wanted to make the "Bury The Hatchet" thing after a while of just reposting shit and following people so my feed wouldnt be the same 2 blogs.Of course my brain was fried and I could not figure out how to make a text post properly for the death of me. So I decided to just message the only two accounts that actually follow me. Which then lead to another oof, but that one is even bigger on me since i probably shouldnt have taken the likes and reblogs as actually not hating me anymore. I dont expect this post to do anything but put out that I know I'm an idiot and I did stuff wrong. And also to flex how "psuedo intillectual" I am i mean that IGOR reference is my crowned achievement. nothings gonna top that shit. And to keep up with the format,the moral of this is no matter what I do "Exactly what you run from, you end up chasing. Like, you can't avoid, but just chasing it and just like trying. Giving it everything that you can. There's always an obstacle."