#like. it doesnt even feel like winter
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it’s finally starting to settle in that christmas is in 3 fucking days
#like. it doesnt even feel like winter#maybe i’m js getting older but last i checked i was counting down the hours and it was getting hard to sleep at night#it was a “its finally cold out! my favorite time of year! we’re off on break! christmas is almost here!”#n now its a “oh right christmas. free stuff”#my parents apparently have something big planned for my 18th this year and i can’t bring myself to even look forward to it?#like. yeah. my fucking eighteenth birthday is in like a week#and the start of a new year is less of a celebration and more of a sigh of relief#its more of a “yippee. another year. at least it’s a fresh start.”#i think this is the 2020 effect#2020 was 4 years ago guys. that is absolutely insane#its not even nostalgia it’s just “wow. okay.”#its like getting punched in the gut yk#2020 was the last year the holidays felt right.#now my whole life feels like a blur and i cannot believe it was four whole years ago#and now we’re entering 2024 with nothing but see you again by tyler the creator and a few loose hopes#the election is this year#maybe things will fix themselves and go back to normal#thats all ive ever wanted since 2020 ended. was for things to just be normal#after the masking mandates were lifted i felt like maybe they could#but im just kinda being rushed through life#and i wish it would just be normal.
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You are such a dumb cunt pull your udders out.


i hope u like my udders<3
#mine#thank u so much anon!! i always luv geting asks like this:)#if anyone wants to see an unedited verson of the second pic u can mesage me!!#i tried to sensor as litle as posible tho so hopfuly this doesnt get taken down lol#attention wh0r3#big udders#dumb slvt#mysoginy kink#also i feel like u can tell how cold it is in my room lol#i have like a tiny balcony and the door lets in so much air even wen its closed#so my niples are always rly pointy and sensitive in the winter lol
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🎤 day 477 🎵
➥ today’s akito is from the illustration by buzz for the mirai 2DMV!!
#daily akito#akito shinonome#toya aoyagi#kohane azusawa#an shiraishi#will never understand the insistence by the costume designers to not give an pants#it’s like a winter / snow themed set. at least give her some leggings or something#the aki5 set too i feel could’ve benefited from visible bottoms#idk i guess it’s just a personal preference i never really like the oversize shirt / i guess dress look where you can’t see the shorts unde#i am incredibly slap some black tights on there pilled after mythra smash redesign#thank you monolith for adding in the core chip that gives her smash appearance in game#like that’s not even the censorship / sexualisation thing i just genuinely think the black on her legs looks better than her skin tone#like yeah yeah she’s a light blade and malos has a pretty much all dark design#it’s just that breaking it up makes things instantly more visually appealing#and malos’s skin can work to break his design up where mythra’s doesnt#i got off topic again lmao#if there’s something you must know about me besides the fact that i am an akito fan#it’s that i am a xenoblade fan#listen xeno 2 is kinda a gacha game there’s overlap#project sekai#prosekai#hatsune miku colorful stage#vivid bad squad#pjsk#prsk#vbs#🎨 illustrations#🎬 2DMV
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why do they keep making bucky a government-manipulated pawn 😭 from the american military to hydra to whatever weirdass public relations campaign valentina is pushing the thunderbolts through (see: end credit graphics & the cereal campaign), like he had his brief time on the run and his goats in wakanda but he's sucked back into a sketchy institution once again like what are they doing with him. sure the movie was fun, but every time i think about it i just end up head in hands.
#rei rambles#anti thunderbolts#bucky barnes#discourse#what was civil war even for#what did sam fight for during falcon winter soldier? why did he even spend his entire movie arguing with ross#hhhhh#and it's so disrespectful of them to just go along with valentina co-opting both the avengers name and the tower.#at least the thunderbolts was a cute lil inside joke. them being on cereal boxes as the new avengers and using the avengers tower as a base#just makes me feel like they're spitting on the graves of the og avengers. u think steve and nat disagreed w the accords for this?#and yeah maybe tony would be into it but they also put the iron man silhouette underneath bucky's figure in that new promo figure.#looking at the more personal reasons civil war happened--u think tony would be okay with THAT???#and u think bucky who is friends with sam and trusts steve's judgement on who to pass the shield onto: u think that bucky would be okay#with STEVE'S silhouette under WALKER'S figure?????? after everyrhing that happened in tfws???????#promo poster* not figure. my bad.#but yeah. christ almighty i cant sleep i keep ending up frustrated about this.#bucky bb what are they doing to u#also sam doesnt deserve this. sam shouldnt have to keep constantly fighting to be seen as legitimate.#first he has to fight uphill to be recognized as captain america even tho steve handed the shield to him himself#and now he has to fight for the avengers team title? are you fr?????#i truly dont understand why bucky didnt immediately take the mic and call valentina out and finally get her impeached.#yknow. his exact goal at the start of the movie??? it felt strongly implied that the reason he was in congress anyways#was to find a way to arrest her legally and i cant believe he hasnt done it even after 14 months.#i cant believe he's on the other side of sam on this.#he the childhood friend of steve 'im not looking for forgiveness and im way past asking permission' rogers.#long tags#big sigh#and look. maybe the tb* team IS looking for forgiveness so they want to be asking for permission and be held accountable or whatever#but working under or with or for valentina is not the way to do it. she's a master manipulator and a human experimenter.#willing to work with immoral ppl bc of their resources is how zola got hydra tendrils into shield. cmon yall. come on.
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I am fortunate to have a dog that is good at settling in the house, regardless of how much exercise she gets, and I am careful to reinforce that so I don't create an athlete or whatever.
that said
Trying to explain to my adolescent dog that boredom is a part of life (and specifically life where we live, where we experience dangerous weather conditions) is actually one of my least favourite activities.
#dogblr#about aurora#we are having freezing rain#so even a walk around the block is sketchy right now#i ate shit twice this morning and rory wiped out a couple times too#i know how easy it is to tear an acl or a ccl in these conditions so im super conscious and staying indoors as much as we can#AND I FEEL FOR HER IM BORED TOO#but girl if you dont stop staring at me with those big ol eyes is2g#i have some games and puzzle toys and a couple of really good chews but i have to pace them out#its supposed to rain into the evening so itll be at least until late tomorrow before we can go out#and all the enrichment and training in the world doesnt replace a good run#(which unfortunately was already lacking this week because i wasnt feeling well)#soooo glad we got out for an hour yesterday though#perpetually reminding myself that this winter is likely to be the hardest winter i experience with rory (combo winter + adolescence)#and every winter for here on out will be easier on both of us
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#I dont wish for this post to show in any general tags in any way shape or form. consider it a vent#d*scord has been banned as a lot of other different things and I can't fix it especially with my Computer Curse (tm)#which is frustrating to say the least. it's not like I've been there often but I Did contacted a lot of ppl through it#there is always people who has it worse and I feel like even thinking about it makes me a horrible person but#as much as I hate posting about stuff like that I genuinely believe that my country slowly tries to become second n*rth k*rea.#and it heavily affects me even if I live in the countryside.#first you ban gay people from existense so I can't even hold hands with same-sex friends in public and if my social media is leaked I can b#send to. like. an actual pr*son. which is very real and not a joke at all.#then you ban every online payment services so I'm forced to work double time to be able to feed myself since commissions are barely availab#anymore. and THEN you ban ways for people to connect. don't get me started on how much is fucks up my calling scheldue w friends & I miss#servers I used to visit to get my mind off of all of this bullshit#this is just upsetting. not gonna lie#with a cherry on top that the winter is close I'm freezing dead in my living space & the roof is leaking & my phone is dying &#I thought the vicious thunder the other day was another midnight b*mbing LOL. at this point I have no idea how I'm still sane#not gonna say Ive got it bad because I'm slowly reaching my goals and it's gonna get better eventually. it's just one of those days#where all of the things come at once overwhelmingly and I'm paralyzed to start anything on my to-do list#I think I need to go outside and stop overthinking it as I usually do.#I'm absolutely gonna miss LN3 release and will slowly fall out of fandom (but not stop being interested in it. at this point it's impossibl#sigh#tumblr is the only way for me to contact outside world and even tho the real world is not so bad I'm still missing a lot and falling out of#my interest in fandom & art in general. if they're gonna ban tumblr I think I'll fall out completely and vanish#bcause runet algorithms are not fandom- and/or art-friendly & I'm not really popular in my space to gather any meaningful interactions#I'm gonna boil in my already-formed company and that's as much as I can get. pretty much a foreseeable death of me as an artist.#how it's gonna affect me is unpredictable and I'm not gonna grief for inevitable future#but I'm sure I'm gonna be very sad. as if there's not enough weight already on my shoulders.#let's pray they won't do that. but I'm ready for the worst already since they're trying to make people's lifes as much miserable as they ca#overthinking wins for today fellas. it seems.#memento mori by will wood starts playing#vent#its bad to say but the w*r doesnt affect me much since Ive been living in a horrible conditions this whole time. it truly can't be any wors
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#now that my dog isnt here living at home is truly TRULY torture and I feel like its getting worse every day#I feel for my mom I do. I know she hates living with my dad too#but she doesnt understand that the way shes acting is making it even WORSE for me because I now have to deal with both of their shitty#fucking attitudes and passive aggressiveness and fighting and I cant fucking do it I cant#I always felt bad for wanting to leave because I didnt want to leave my dog#but now I shouldnt feel bad#but I will. because I don’t want to leave my mom.#(and I cant really afford to live on my own but I could probably make it work if I wanted)#I need to save a bit more. then I’m gone#I cant do it anymore#and now that its winter …. its going to be 100000x worse#idk if I can do it ahfkdajkfchka
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I've had this idea for a while but everytime I actually gave it thought, I'd get frightened last minute. But anyways, with summer coming up (and more free time), I've been considering making an ask blog of sorts just for fun. Does that seem like anything anyone would be interested in
naturally itd be more hc based because well. heh. looks around. gets scared
#clemramble#we all know who itd be centered around .okay. im being kind of vague but we All Know#i was originally thinking about doing it when a lot of the ask blogs were popping up. i actually have a sketch of an introduction post#...but then i got swarmed with classwork and never did it + i didnt think thered be much interest#and then i was going to make one during winter break but got distracted and never did either#so i figure with ~2 months of free time id be able to at least get it started IF i wanted to#ofcourse i want to see if theres interest first. if there isnt then no hard feelings or anything. i want everyone to be hashtag honest#i also skipped out on it bc if i got even the tiniest detail wrong i wouldve just logged out and never came back online#joking. im joking#anyways i wouldnt really have a story or anything to base it off of but there would be little events i think.. like takeover events#SNIFFLES. OKAYENOUGH OF THAT.#idk if i want to maintag this. i figure the only people who would be interested would be those following me so#the idea just keeps popping up in my mind. i figure worse case scenario i give it a shot and it doesnt really land#ive never run an ask blog before so if this does happen dont expect anything super professional okay
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curious as to the scope of this album bc i genuinely have no idea
#aware that you could listen to christmas music even if you dont celebrate it#but i feel like thats a risk on statistical validity im willing to risk#im also curious what people who celebrate christmas on the other hemisphere listen to/what customs there are since its summer#like a white christmas isnt really a thing there unless its cold enough to be snowing in the summer?#<- it doesnt snow where i live anyway but its still winter and it snows in places near-ish to me#are the christmas staples of my household similar to those of other households (musically)#rambles#poll#music stuff
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I love shitty trashy mls. I love them toxic. I love them insane. Red light mls will always always beat green light ones.
#rambles#just finished reading betrayal of dignity and#HOO BOY#it was so good#it was sooooooooo good#'terrible' doesnt even begin to describe him#i'm so glad i put off reading this manhwa until it was almost done#wife running away from toxic husband is one of my favorite tropes#i mean it's not surprising seeing what it means to be you is also one of my favorites#that being said winter was toxic but he had reason to be and undergoes a massive redemption arc#damien on the other hand is just a piece of trash LOL#i feel bad for people who are like#'i can only read stories where i morally agree with the protagonists'#theyre really missing out#dumpster fires are always worth enjoying
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the anxiety is kicking in! How do I make myself prettier and quieter and nicer and normaller
#Emphasis on the prettier part he doesnt deserve someone who looks like this#Like. I should be something that brings him joy to experience and Im trying!! But how do I fix the Ugly As Shit problem#People have told me to get plastic surgery for my nose my whole life and this is the first time im considering it lmao#It wouldnt fix it but my face is generally too long I need something to change#Mqybe I just start wearing my makeup all the time its cool enough to distract from how I look#Fuckk I feel sick he doesnt deserve this he deserves better he deserves to be with someone on his level#Mmm. Kind of suicidal. He'd be upset though so its a no#But like I cant fix this entirely he needs someone whos a better canvas#My eyes are strange and q bad shape and they either puff out or sink in qnd theyre a shitty shade of brown that isnt even interesting#My only redeeming trait is my lips but thwyre always cracked and people dont seem to like them that much anyways#I had wrinkles on my face as a little kid my jaw is too long (as is my neck) my eyes are set horribly and too small#Im just like. Everything is wrong with me and hes so perfect he need someone better#Ill be a bit nicer iver the summer when I have freckles and a tan but I mean. I will be here for him forever#Hes gonna have to experience me during fall and winter again where I just look like shit#Fuck he deserves someone much better he needs to stop liking me immediately im not nearly good enough for him#Vent
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Hi! Idk if ur still taking requests for little snippets, but is it possible to request a little snippet of NJ helping Loui with his messy curly hair in like- a hot day where humidity is a bitch? 👁️👁️
*🩴*
As a guy with curly hair most times, humidity is such a bitch and happens whenever it feels like here in Jersey, no consistency. So this hit close to home lol.
Hot and Humid (The Worst Combo)
Every door in the state house was open, along with the windows. The Southern States were out barbecuing and the Northern States were suffering, except New Jersey.
It’s not like Jersey liked the heat, it was a pain in the ass, but it did mean he could go swimming and get good southern food, so he can’t complain too much. The problem was the humidity, it was ungodly humid out. Jersey knew humid intimately but this was ridiculous.
Almost every state was either in the pool or on the side relaxing or barbecuing. Almost. The only state that wasn’t with everyone was Louisiana, which Jersey would understand if it wasn’t for the fact that this is weather Loui would absolutely be in.
Jersey was about to go inside to find him when his name was called. Standing in the doorway was Loui, his hair frizzy and messy, looking just as miserable as most of the NE states felt.
Louisiana only had to say one word and Jersey would be at his beck and call. “Help”.
Jersey dragged Loui to his(Jersey's) room, looking at what products he had that could work, he realized he was severely lacking and would need to get more stuff again. He gave Loui a juice box and the tv remote and got to work.
Hair was hard, especially curly hair, it’s hard and annoying at the best of times and at the worst it’s near impossible. Jersey was basically an expert in all things hair but he was definitely wishing that Loui had come to him in the early morning before the humidity got too bad.
It took two hours but Jersey was able to put Loui’s hair into cornrows, that way if he wanted he could go swimming with the others. By the time the two got back outside some of the food was ready and it somehow got hotter and more humid, but at least now Loui’s hair wasn’t a mess.
(And if there was some magic involved to make sure his hair didn’t get affected by the humidity again, then that was between him and the demon he calls his friend).
#welcome to the table#wttt#wttt new jersey#wttsh new jersey#wttt louisiana#wttsh louisiana#welcome to the statehouse#just because i call them little snippets#doesnt mean that they are okay#i just have to give context#its my whole thing when writing#fanfic snippet#wttt fanfic#i normally dont care about humidity#and dont notice until its super bad#but thats cause i live in nj#and nj is always wet feeling except during the deep winter#so even if its horribly humid#i would only notice once it starts getting hard to breathe lol#i probably could have done dialogue for this would#probably should have#but i also like these little snippets not having speaking#idk im weird#but thats nothing new so#kyi requests#kyi writes
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Currently thinking about the last time I met up with my college friends, and we went around the table reintroducing ourselves with names and pronouns, cus it gets like that. And every time it would come around to me, I would deflect and distract instead of answering because I hadn't actually figured it out yet. It's coming up on a year since then, I still have no idea what the answer would be
#Queer gang#it was literally this time last year cus it was the last time i went home for winter break that i saw them all#i panicked and got distracted the first time i was supposed to introduce myself despite the fact theyre the last people who would judge#but were a bunch of very easily distracted fckers so it wasnt even that noticeable that i hadnt answered at first#but then one of them realised id never actually introduced myself and i cant even remember how i changed the topic#but someone would always realise in the middle of someones story so id just redirect the attention to what we were already discussing#to buy myself time to think but i never actually came up with an answer and im stuck on a coach rn so my brain has all this time to think#and im just. its been a year since that incident its been several years since i started to think maybe my gender didnt entirely fit#but every time i try to figure it out like a puzzle like i did with my sexuality the first time i realise i dont really have an answer#its not that i feel that something else would fit better and i cant figure out why it doesnt feel right in the first place#is it because i was raised hyperfeminine despite growing up predominantly around brothers?#is it because tradition gender roles dont fit anyway when yoyre queer because so much of gender is tangled up in sexuality?#is it because im taking too much of a theoretical/whatever approach to it when i know gender is predominantly a social construct?#is it because its just not that deep and i dont care? or do i care and i just havent figured it out yet? idk
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there's a certain quality the harmonies of like... early to mid 2000s alt rock has. which i am obsessed with... like i wanna do that. i NEED to figure out how to write harmonies that sound like that
#ari opinion hour#i sort of understand it but not necessarily well enough to do it on command#i think i sort of achieved the sound of it with my blaseball winter exchange song i did for snow but specifically only in the very last bit#like only with the 'im not alive anymore' part#(which sidenote i wish id had the second half faster + w more drive but its not like that was like a full recording which i could do)#i think i just need my music to have more teeth in general cause it scratches an itch that i think i must have developed due to some aspect#of music school. its probably my dissatisfaction with the attitudes in the classical world#<- which understand i say that in the same way that like my jazz prof does. the classical world doesnt have enough teeth nor enough#understanding of the way in which music is like. another art. and art needs to be able to have teeth and use elements normally regarded as#''undesirable'' on purpose because art is there to make you feel emotions and not just the positive ones and not just sadness or anger in#terms of the negative ones#art is there to make u feel ALL extant emotions and that includes boredom disgust fear jealousy pity cowardice apathy overwhelmedness etc#also the classical world i find often forgets what the word ''play'' means#i am of the opinion that perfection is a waste of time if i wanted perfect i'd ask a computer to do it for me. i want real#anyway. i forgot what this post was even about lol point is i need to figure out how to write harmonies that have that soaring quality that#like. you can hear it in like helena by mcr and wake me up by evanescence and stuff. and frankly most of the songs on three cheers for swee#revenge which i am listening to now for the first time. i need to learn more about this stuff maybe ill listen to the evanescence album tha#song is from next.#or something i should really be working on my essay but theres no way i wont have it done in time which is good i think i just mostly have#to worry about sources and stuff but even that should be relatively easy i think
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happy holidays to those who celebrate and those who don't! i wish all of you a nice break from life regardless and hopefully you get some time off work or more time with family/friends/loved ones!
#merry christmas#happy december#happy all encompassing winter festivities#i know Chanukah is past already but hopefully it was nice#and kwanza is coming up so i hope yall have a nice time with that too#and then new years!! 2024 besties we made it#its ok if the most you did this year was make it to the next one#happy holidays even if it doesnt feel like it#or you feel like you dont deserve it#im always right and i say you do so there
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I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.
#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to#place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like#LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee#so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of#people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take#a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM)#the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore#ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team#but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up#graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made#my adhd brain go WELL SHIT#ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do#love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving#people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt#but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou#life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i#just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive#but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present#and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now#on a positive note...#my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made#a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little#im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor#i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it#but damn it im tired#thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave#if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you#please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you
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