#like. no its YOU whose cringe HIGUCHI

[aquamarine-v]

Rock and Read vol.089 KIZU Reiki interview (April 2020)

Interviewer: What did you talk about in your last interview?

Reiki: Last time, I talked about my upbringing, how I first got into music and my journey to Tokyo.

Interviewer: I heard that you used to be pretty rough back in the day… (laughs)

Reiki: Nah, I’m not rough at all (laughs). But some people say that.

Interviewer: Interviews can sometimes make you realize things about yourself that you don’t normally notice. Like, ���Oh, so this is the kind of person I am.”

Reiki: Yeah, that happens a lot.

Interviewer: Some people don’t like that, so even when they do interviews, they dodge questions or avoid giving clear answers. But your band’s vocalist is the type to actively engage in interviews.

Reiki: Oh, you're talking about Lime. He’s the kind of person who speaks first, a man of his word, he walks the talk. But I’m not like that, I struggle with putting things into words. Even if I have something on my mind, I don't always know how to say it.

Interviewer: Still, being in a band with someone like him must make you more aware of things you hadn’t been able to put into words before or had only vaguely thought about, right?

Reiki: I guess, yeah. But it’s not like Lime tells me to be more conscious of those things. If anything, being in a band with him has helped me become more confident. It’s more like he encourages me to do whatever I want freely.

Interviewer: So, Lime tells you that?

Reiki: Yeah. That’s why I pretty much do whatever I want in Kizu. From the beginning, I just wanted to do cool things without thinking too much, and Lime told me, “That’s fine.” Well, I do think people like him, the intellectual type, who think deeply about everything relating to the band are cool (laughs). But for me, trying to be like that wouldn’t feel natural.

Interviewer: So you’re not the type to think things through as much as he does?

Reiki: Yeah, it wouldn’t feel like me.

Interviewer: Then why do you think Lime, who’s so different from you, tells you to “just do your thing”?

Reiki: Hmm… I guess it’s because he accepts me for who I am. Lime and I originally had a senpai-kouhai (senior-junior) relationship, and he was kind of someone I’d go to for advice. Before Kizu, I used to talk to him a lot when I was struggling. Like, “Am I really in a cool band right now?”

Interviewer: What do you mean by a “cool band”?

Reiki: I started a band because I wanted to do something cool, but at the time, I felt suffocated. I was caught up thinking about what would be well-received or what's trendy at the time. I used to ask Lime for advice a lot back then. But now, in Kizu, Lime does all the thinking, so I feel like I have the freedom to do whatever I want. And in the end, me doing things my way actually benefits the band… or at least, that’s how I see it.

Interviewer: What part of you do you think is good for the band?

Reiki: Umm… maybe my mischievous side? (laughs)

Interviewer: Hahaha!

Reiki: I know I shouldn't be the one to say that about myself (laughs). But even though I'm mischievous, I take it very seriously. Like, if it’s for the sake of doing something cool, I’ll do whatever it takes. On the other hand, I really don’t want to do anything uncool.

Interviewer: Wanting to be cool, wanting to do cool things, that’s what you value most when it comes to being in a band?

Reiki: Right. I want to be cool.

Interviewer: Can you explain what "cool" is? Like, your own definition?

Reiki: Hmm… I guess it’s about not bending who you are? People who stay focused on one thing and pursue it relentlessly, that’s cool, right? And that applies not just to bands, but anything in life. Also, I think it’s cool when someone is either completely loved or completely hated—people who go all in. For bands, it’s those with a unique style, an aura that only they have. People like that are cool.

Interviewer: When did you first start looking up to people you thought were cool like that?

Reiki: Probably around middle school. At first, I thought Hide (from X Japan) was the coolest, so I'd try to copy him. Then there was Kurt Cobain (from Nirvana). I think I admired people who were doing things I could never do at the time, people who were the complete opposite of me.

Interviewer: The complete opposite?

Reiki: Yes. I used to be really timid, very different from how I am now. So in a way, I started a band to overcome that weak version of myself. I wanted my past self to look at me and think, "That’s so cool." So yeah, I gathered a lot of things I thought were cool and and that's how I became the Reiki I am today. But I'm not perfect yet, I’m still searching.

Interviewer: You understand yourself well, don’t you?

Reiki: Eh, you think?

Interviewer: You said that your true self is actually timid. But not only are you aware of that—you also understand that it’s the reason you’ve become who you are now. Normally, people would want to hide that kind of thing. It’s not something they’d admit.

Reiki: If you put it like that, I guess it's true. I think being in a band changed that for me. I realized I don’t have to hide the version of myself that I used to hate. It’s not something to be ashamed of. In fact… I want our music to reach people like that, people who are like the version of me I used to hate. People who are too timid to do what they really want. That’s why I became "Reiki", so that people like my past self may think, “I want to be a cool person like that too”

Interviewer: I see… You know, talking to you now, you seem completely different from the impression I had when we first met.

Reiki: Oh yeah?

Interviewer: Last time, I interviewed the whole band together, and out of the four of you, you were the only one who gave off this aggressive vibe.

Reiki: ....

Interviewer: To be precise, you had a big attitude.

Reiki: Hahahaha! Seriously?!

Interviewer: These days, you don’t really see band men acting cocky like that. Everyone is really polite and well-mannered. But to me, that actually feels a bit off. Like, wasn't the whole point of starting a band to rebel against that kind of adult society?

Reiki: Yes, that's right! I'm in a band because I don't want to do all that.

Interviewer: That’s why I thought, “This guy is interesting.”

Reiki: That’s so embarrassing (laughs). But I guess, I do see that as part of what’s “cool.” It’s not like I’m trying to have a bad attitude or anything, but it’s just not cool being in a rock band while sucking up to adults and acting all polite.

Interviewer: But right now, you’re being really honest and open (laughs).

Reiki: (Laughs) Well… it's a one-on-one, and I’ve heard a lot about you, Higuchi-san (the interviewer), from Lime, so I figured I should just talk normally without being weird about it.

Interviewer: I appreciate it (laughs). So, in a rock band, you want to be seen as someone who is cool.

Reiki: Exactly. Especially in front of fans, or rather, when I go on stage, I want to be undeniably cool.

Interviewer: Even if your calf is in pain? (laughs) (On February 14, Reiki tweeted that he had torn a calf muscle, but insisted that as a rocker and guitarist, legs don’t matter and the show must go on.)

Reiki: That really hurt! (laughs) But I still wanted to be cool. That’s what makes me happiest—being the version of myself that I love. So if that’s the case, I ignore the pain and get on stage.

Interviewer: But that means you’re constantly keeping yourself on edge, right?

Reiki: Yeah… I think I’m always on edge. Well, it's been a habit since I was little.

Interviewer: Don’t you ever wish you could be cool without having to be on edge?

Reiki: Yeah. In reality, I'd like to be cool without being on edge…But I think I’ll get there someday. Right now, I’m still in the process of absorbing and collecting all sorts of things, so I have to stay on edge.

Interviewer: So, for Kizu to be a cool band, what do you think is the most important thing?

Reiki: First and foremost… Lime has to be the coolest one.

Interviewer: Not you?

Reiki: I think my role in the band is to be like a thorn—something edgy and distinct. But for that to work, Lime has to be the coolest one, the boss. My job is to figure out how to stand out next to him. If he weren’t there, I wouldn’t stand out either, I wouldn’t be cool. It’s the same as how Hide was in his band.

Interviewer: I see.

Reiki: That’s my ideal image of a band. I have this insanely powerful vocalist called Lime next to me, and without him, I wouldn’t shine. That’s why the vocalist is the most important. To make the band as cool as possible, we have to build our performances around Lime. No matter how hard I play the guitar, if the frontman is just messing around, the band won’t be cool.

Interviewer: And from what I can see, he’s still figuring out himself what kind of frontman he wants to be.

Reiki: Yeah, I see that too. He changes with every show, for better or worse. The band’s coolness depends on how cool he is, so in that sense, he has the toughest job. I just get to do whatever I want next to him.

Interviewer: That makes sense.

Reiki: Anyway, I just want Lime to be cool. That goes for the band, but also just him as a person, I want him to always be that way… I’m kind of a fan of Lime.

Interviewer: Huh?

Reiki: I mean, I’m a fan of him when he’s on stage. And I'm not just talking about his appearance or performance… Wait, is it lame for a band member to be saying this? (laughs)

Interviewer: No, no, you’re good! Keep going (laughs).

Reiki: As I said earlier, he’s the kind of person who speaks first, someone who puts things into words right away. And usually, those kind of people are all talk. But what makes him different is that he always follows through on what he says. He makes it happen. Sometimes, the way he goes about it isn’t what you’d expect, or his words might change along the way, but in the end, he always does what he originally set out to do. I think Kizu's fans are probably attracted to that part of him too—that he truly walks the talk.

Interviewer: You admire him so much that you understand the feelings of the fans.

Reiki: That's right. Or rather, I’d say I’m a bigger fan than any of them are (laughs).

Interviewer: Just how in love with Lime are you? (laughs)

Reiki: Hahaha! I guess it’s because of our original senpai-kouhai relationship. It’s not just about liking him, it’s more like I really respect him. He’s like this towering figure of a senpai. If I have a problem, the first people I talk to are my friends. But that’s more like venting over drinks, like “What the hell do I do?!” It’s not really asking for advice. If I still don’t have an answer, then I go to my parents. And if that doesn’t work either, I go to Lime—my last resort person. He’s someone I really look up to. But because of that, I don't consult Lime with small problems.

Interviewer: So, it seems like he’s less of a bandmate and more of a life mentor.

Reiki: You think so? I mean, I know that talking to Lime makes me feel better, but that’s why I only go to him when I’m really in trouble. Even when I do, I hesitate a lot before reaching out. I just stare at my phone, thinking about it.

Interviewer: I’m going to say this on purpose, but that sounds like a girl with a crush, doesn’t it? (laughs)

Reiki: Stop it! I'm not like that… No, but I guess (laughs) Yeah, okay, I guess I’m kind of in love with him.

Interviewer: Earlier, you said you really look up to Lime, but can you put into more words what things make him attractive?

Reiki: I wonder…it's really hard to put into words. But… I feel like when we're together, it's like the band can reach way bigger heights. When he says, “We’re going to do this,” he makes it happen. I guess that's what makes him attractive.

Interviewer: So for you, he’s kind of a charismatic figure?

Reiki: I think he’s just really confident. But with that comes a lot of pressure too. If he doesn’t follow through on his words, no one would follow him. I can tell that sometimes the burden gets to him.

Interviewer: By the way, do the other members have a different relationship with Lime than you do?

Reiki: Probably, yeah. I think they're actually closer to Lime than I am. I mean, they're just friends as bandmates.

Interviewer: So they don’t have the same “girl’s heart” that you do? (laughs)

Reiki: Stop saying that! (laughs)

Interviewer: Then would it be fair to say he's a father figure, like a substitute dad?

Reiki: A substitute dad, huh… Well, I guess that makes sense, since I don’t have a father.

Interviewer: I actually think you and Lime have a lot in common.

Reiki: Is that so?

Interviewer: He’s definitely a theorist and the boss type, someone who pulls people together to make his vision a reality—he could be an entrepreneur.

Reiki: That's true.

Interviewer: So even if he wanted to make a living through music, he could be doing it more efficiently. But instead, he deliberately chooses the inefficient, unprofitable route of being in a band. In fact, he seems deeply committed to it. Which suggests that, like you, he has a strong admiration for bands.

Reiki: Yeah, I think so. Maybe what we have in common is that we both love visual kei and rock bands. He can’t separate himself from that world because that’s where the version of himself he wants to be exists.

Interviewer: That's right.

Reiki: And I guess that’s why he’s still chasing that dream with me. One thing Lime often says is, "I want to change this scene." I think that’s both his ambition, and also... a kind of complex he has.

Interviewer: A complex?

Reiki: Yeah, this is something he talks about a lot too, but visual kei just doesn’t get much recognition from the general public. But Lime and I both fell in love with music and bands from this scene, so there’s this feeling of wanting it to be more accepted, of wanting to prove, "This isn’t all we are." Also, honestly, I don’t think Lime is quite as amazing as I make him out to be. Just like me, he has strong aspirations and is trying to become someone he admires. He may seem like a multi-talented guy, who can do it all, but I don’t think he was that way from the start.

Interviewer: Yeah, he seems like the type to work tirelessly behind the scenes.

Reiki: Exactly. That’s why he deliberately puts his goals into words, to push himself into a corner and make sure he follows through on what he said. It's how he's trying to become someone truly cool. I think that’s what I admire about him. He always follows through on what he says.

Interviewer: So it’s not just that you blindly admire him, you truly understand him.

Reiki: You think? Maybe it’s just my own interpretation.

Interviewer: What I first found interesting in him wasn’t his musical style or strategic thinking. It was what’s deeper, behind all that—his desire for someone to understand his true self.

Reiki: Through music?

Interviewer: Yeah. But he also has this clumsy side and he can't express his true self honestly. So, he hides it in this vessel that is Kizu, quietly hoping that the people who truly understand will find him.

Reiki: I see… That may be true.

Interviewer: That’s his charm, and I think that’s also why you like him so much, Reiki.

Reiki: So Lime and I do have something in common. Like I said at the beginning, I’m doing all of this to prove to that past version of myself that I can be cool. So in that sense, we’re pretty similar.

Interviewer: In other words, both of you are making music as a way to deal with something inside you. Of course, things like audience size, image, and staying relevant in the times are important, but that’s all secondary.

Reiki: Exactly. Wow, this is turning into a really interesting interview (laughs). By the way, I want to start a revolution while I’m still alive.

Interviewer: Huh? That's sudden (laughs). But a “revolution,” that’s a pretty big statement (laughs).

Reiki: Whatever it is, I want people to say, “Because of him, a new era began.” Even if it happens after I’m gone, I want my words, my music, to be engraved into history.

Interviewer: Why do you want to become that kind of presence?

Reiki: I think it’s because I feel frustrated with the world—society, the way things are, all of it. And deep down, I want to prove myself. I guess that’s really what it comes down to.

Interviewer: So, in a way, you want to prove your existence to the world? To be acknowledged and accepted?

Reiki: Yeah. By doing whatever I want, I want to rise to a level where I can actually change the times.

Interviewer: So, in other words, being connected to others is something incredibly important to you.

Reiki: Huh? Is that what it means??

Interviewer: Your existence is validated through the presence of others. In other words, you don’t believe your sense of self can be fully established on your own.

Reiki: ………………That might be true. I usually tell myself that I don’t care what others think, but in the end, everything I want to do depends on other people…

Interviewer: It seems like you have a strong desire to be accepted for who you are now.

Reiki: That’s definitely true. I want to be accepted—accepted exactly as I am. I’ve said it earlier, but people who can be themselves without compromise are the coolest. Instead of forcing yourself to conform to others and putting up with things you don’t want to do, if you keep staying true to yourself—no matter how unaccepted it may be at first—eventually, people will accept you. You could even become the one defining what’s right. That’s how I want to leave my mark on this world.

Interviewer: You want to leave proof that you lived.

Reiki: Yeah, I do.

Interviewer: Well, there is one sure way to do that.

Reiki: Huh? What is it?

Interviewer: Getting married and having children.

Reiki: Ah, that is beautiful! Yeah, that really would… mean leaving behind a part of yourself, wouldn’t it? But I think it’s more than just that… Maybe I just really want to be close to someone?

Interviewer: What do you mean?

Reiki: I want to be someone who stays in people’s memories. I want to be inside their hearts. It doesn’t matter if they love me or hate me, I just want to matter to someone. I guess… what I’m saying is I want to be close to people?

Interviewer: But you don’t actually want to be hated, do you?

Reiki: Of course I’d rather be liked. But if it’s just “kind of liking” me, I’d rather be hated. If someone truly, deeply loves me, then that’s different.

Interviewer: That’s… the same desire that Lime has, isn’t it?

Reiki: …... Come to think of it, that's true (laughs). We’re aiming for the same thing, Lime and I.

Interviewer: That’s why Kizu has a unique appeal that other bands don’t. You don’t want half-hearted admiration. You want people who will love you forever. A band where both the vocalist and the guitarist feel that way…

Reiki: Not too common, huh?

Interviewer: I think every band, deep down, wants that kind of connection. But even if a band grows big enough to play at Tokyo Dome, that feeling isn’t necessarily fulfilled.

Reiki: Right. Once you reach that level, you start wondering how many of these fans really love you?

Interviewer: But at the same time, you wouldn’t be satisfied with just 30 fans either.

Reiki: Yeah, but if it were just 30 people, at least I’d know for sure they were real. For me, knowing that someone truly loves what we do is what matters most. I can understand the loneliness that artists at Dome level feel. I think Kurt Cobain must have felt that way too. That's why I want KIZU to grow even bigger together with the fans who genuinely love us.

Interviewer: Since Kizu was formed, you’ve always been a band that connects only with those who truly support you. I always thought that came from Lime’s core beliefs, but through today’s conversation, I’ve realized that you feel the same way too.

Reiki: Yeah. After talking today, I think I understand why I want to be in a band with Lime (laughs).

Interviewer: So basically, Reiki, you’re looking for a pure connection with people.

Reiki: Huh? Is that what this means? No, no, that sounds kinda lame (laughs). I'd rather be yelling, “Screw everyone, just die!” That’s way cooler.

Interviewer: Yeah, that attitude is definitely more rock and cool. But would you really mean it when you say “Die!”? What about your true self? You're someone who can't lie about it.

Reiki: Ah… yeah, yeah, right. That’s something I think about sometimes. Like, I’ll say things, but then I’ll catch myself thinking, “That’s not really me, is it?” …Wait, I don’t want the fans reading this (laughs).

Interviewer: Hahahaha!

Reiki: But yeah, I do think about it sometimes. Even when I’m partying hard or making a scene, there’s this feeling that… this isn’t really what I want to be doing deep down. Like, it doesn’t feel instinctual.

Interviewer: That’s the part of you that used to be timid still inside of you somewhere.

Reiki: Yeah, probably. But at the same time, I’m usually the one to start the craziness. When I go all out, everyone else joins in, and it turns into this contest of who can get the wildest. But then, there are moments when I suddenly come to my senses, like, “Wait… is this really what I want to be doing?” That happens a lot.

Interviewer: And those moments, don't they feel a little lonely?

Reiki: Yeah, they do. I think, deep down, I’ve always wanted someone to understand me… but no one ever really did. Not even my parents. When I’d say, “I want to do this,” they’d just brush it off with a “No” or “I don’t care.” They never really tried to understand me. So, I guess I started acting out—saying harsh things, doing bad things.

Interviewer: So the partying and chaos… it’s kind of the same thing?

Reiki: Probably. That’s why, the morning after drinking too much and partying, when I’m stuck in bed with a hangover, I start thinking, “Why do I do this to myself?”

Interviewer: That’s a bit sad, isn’t it?

Reiki: Yeah. But at the same time, I don’t hate that part of me. Being reckless feels kind of cool, like I need to go to that extreme. But then, I suddenly start wondering… Am I actually a more serious person deep down? Like, maybe I’m not really someone who does this kind of stuff.

Interviewer: You mean, you weren’t naturally born like this.

Reiki: Right. I want to be someone who just naturally acts like that, the kind of guy people see as a total maniac. But there are moments when I snap out of it.

Interviewer: That’s why it’s okay.

Reiki: What do you mean it's okay?

Interviewer: Because you weren’t born that way. That’s why you’re struggling so hard trying to become that person.

Reiki: Yeah… I am struggling.

Interviewer: I think that the fans probably see through that side of you, Reiki.

Reiki: Ugh, I hate that (laughs). But… yeah, there are fans who really see me for who I am. And I feel like they’ve figured me out. That’s why it pisses me off sometimes, like, “Stop looking at me so closely!”

Interviewer: Hahahahaha!

Reiki: But when I completely lose confidence in myself… in those moments, I actually find myself feeling grateful for those fans. No matter how recklessly I live, I think there’s always a part of me that gets saved by them in some way.

Interviewer: That’s exactly what makes your band so compelling. Because you weren’t born this way, your music carries a yearning.

Reiki: I see… it makes sense when you say it like that (laughs).

Interviewer: Your true self will never disappear, and you can’t deny it. But at the same time, you’re striving to become this ideal version of yourself. I think that's something the fans can relate to.

Reiki: That's nice. It would mean they understand the real me. But… is it really that obvious? (laughs)

Interviewer: I think it is. I mean, you even tweeted about your calf hurting before a live show—

Reiki: And in such a dramatically cool way, too! (laughs)

Interviewer: But that’s just part of what makes you "you," Reiki.

Reiki: Ughh… that's so annoying… (laughs).

◆　　　◆　　　◆

[chouetteffraie]

Hesitant [AkuHigu]

Season 3 episode 5 put me in an akuhigu mood...too bad I can’t write to dave my life alsdfjskd

Akutagawa stepped over the puddles of blood, taking care to not get anything on the shoes Higuchi managed to have polished recently. At the time, he turned his nose up at the thought of letting her have his favorite pair of shoes. Still, she managed to get a hold of them, probably with Gin’s help, and Akutagawa was pleasantly surprised by how nice having shined shoes was. Maybe I should trust Higuchi more, he thought at the time. Now he thought that was the most mistaken he’s ever been.

He didn’t allow himself to search the facility as hastily as he wanted to. Instead, he slowly surveyed the damage he was late to help cause, examining the faces of many subordinates whose names he didn’t bother to learn. Akutagawa hoped all the faces would remain nameless, and he’d see the ones he knew when he returned to headquarters.

It seemed, despite the carnage, the Port Mafia had won. There were no other opponents waiting to greet Akutagawa, no enemies to skewer with Rashomon. On paper, these bodies would be nothing more than a necessary casualty. Akutagawa had no problem with that, so long as one specific body wasn’t waiting for him, motionless.

Worry. It wasn’t something Akutagawa didn’t let himself feel often. He was confident in his abilities, sure of the plans he has and more sure for the instincts he more often follows. He didn’t like to admit that worry was starting to claw its way through his gut and distracting him from his task. Akutagawa Ryunosuke worries about no one. He was not worried.

Behind him, the solid click of a footstep echoed throughout the building. Akutagawa whirled around, hoping to see the one face he had been searching for. Instead he saw someone unfamiliar and angry, with a gun pointed right for him. There was a certain glint in the man’s eyes, telling Akutagawa that if he shot, he would not miss. His instincts told him attack- kill the man before he had a chance to inflict any injury upon himself. But Akutagawa hesitated for just a moment. What if the man knew something about who he was trying to find? In a split second, a bullet whizzed by Akutagawa’s ear and the man in front of him fell. A familiar voice cried,  “Akutagawa-senpai!”

Higuchi’s quick footsteps approached him from behind as he let himself relax. With a worried voice, Higuchi slid in front of him and sent a barrage of questions his way. “Are you hurt? Is everything okay? What happened? How long have you been here?”

“I was held up. Reinforcements can be a pain,” he answered vaguely, lifting a hand to cough into it. 

“So you’re not hurt?” Higuchi repeated, looking for confirmation. Akutagawa nodded.

Then, almost inaudibly, he asked, “Are you?”

Like the few times before, Higuchi’s eyes widened in shock, an action that made Akutagawa cringe internally every time. Though he normally appeared aloof, Akutagawa never intended to make Higuchi think he never cared for her well being. While at first he was unconcerned with whether his subordinate returned from missions or not, he found his opinions changing over the years. The loyalty he once found bothersome was now somewhat endearing, and the concern Higuchi was constantly showering him with turned into an appreciated aspect of his work. He wasn’t quick to act on his feelings of steadily increasing fondness. In fact, Akutagawa was quite content ignoring this shift in his attitude and continuing to leave Higuchi wondering why her affections are never returned.

But then she had to go almost die, and make things complicated.

Higuchi’s job hadn’t changed. She was sent out on missions as frequently as she had been before. It was Akutagawa who had changed, frustratingly enough. He found he wanted her to return to him every time. He wanted to ensure her safety as often as he could. He wanted to keep her near to him, just in case. 

Higuchi shook her head slightly, tucking her gun away and smiling. “I’m alright, senpai,” she answered. “The others that survived are already on their way to headquarters. I stayed, looking for you. I’m glad you made it out of that last mission. I was starting to worry you wouldn’t.”

Akutagawa could’ve said he felt the same for her. He could’ve made her entire day, her entire life. But he hesitated again, unsure if her affections were a luxury he could afford. In a move that was becoming aggravatingly characteristic of him, Akutagawa hesitated. 

Higuchi had always been in tune with his attitude. Maybe she didn’t always react in the way he’d expect or prefer, but she knew what his silences meant. The silence after she turns in reports or completes an errand, it’s a ‘thank you,’ and after a mission, there’s a ‘good job’ lingering in the air. Her smile told him she could hear the ‘I’m glad you’re okay’ in his stillness.

“We should be heading back, senpai. We both have quite the pile of paperwork waiting for us,” she said before turning to leave. Akutagawa watched her retreat before expelling a breath he didn’t know he was holding. She was right- he would have plenty of reports to go over and fill out. Tucking his hands in his pockets, he exited the building the same way he came, tucking away the joy of Higuchi joining him and making a note to ensure that she’d be able to make it back from every mission she went on, no matter what it took.