#literally i cant see myself having a relationship with her in the future | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lej222 · 2 months ago

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(sorry if this got posted to u like 3 times, tumblr told me there was an error posting this ask)

im kind of late to the whole asflua party because i just started reading the recent chapters

i really wish i didn't, and waited for the hiatus to be over because the suspense of the last few chapters is KILLING me, and although i suspected it throughout the beginning on asflua, those few chapters made it SUPER clear there is a higher being in charge (what did it for me was the constant flyers of car changing lmfaoo)

someone on webtoon recommended your analysis to look more into it, and i RAN to tumblr to read it, spectacular work by the way, made the whole higher being theory much clearer for me, notably with recurring themes (space, dreams, wishes, memories, miaes hair, etc)

i also read your ending theory with the comparison to 25 21, and i have no idea how i didnt see it earlier, but both medias are extremely similar?? meaning that the ending where they part ways might happen

honestly my heart cant take this part, i literally screamed realizing that cheolmiae might not be endgame, especially with how the flyers keep saying "it's not yours anymore", hinting at changing cheol out for jisu

since soonkki is going to cut the story shorter (~30 chaps) , i feel like that might only be possible through miae fighting her destiny to be with cheol? i don't know, i feel like if she does end up with jisu in the end, the chapters have to be much more long-winded, or else all the build-up is just going to fall flat (but this is just my opinion). especially with how we are seeing miae slowly start to acknowledge some sort of "higher being" mess with her and cheol, and how she's becoming frustrated with everything getting in the way of both of them (chap 159).

i do think she's going to try and fight against it, as we see no matter how much jisu (or anything else) is getting in between the both of them, she constantly tries to reach out to cheol -> i realized there's a constant theme of miae running away/avoiding her problems, as seen multiple times when she has her arguments with cheol, the yunhui-yonghui conflict, her hiding that she hung out with jisu, and how it all catches up to her later on. just like how she 'avoided' (maybe not the right word, but i cant think of anything else) her feelings with cheol in the beginning, which resulted in the higher being telling her she was too late

i feel like her finally 'confronting' all of it and trying to reach out to cheol, not avoiding the problem is subtly hinting at her trying to fight against the higher being (or maybe im grasping at straws here, idk)

another theory i had which is way more far-fetched and just more idealistic is that they will be separated, but there will be a time-skip where they meet in the future, where they're both more matured (i dont know why i have a feeling that the narrator is miae from the future, with all her regrets that she didn't notice the signs sooner, and that she misses cheol, but this theory might throw away the whole higher being thing, soooo)

i would try to theorize what would happen in regards to taeuk, but i really don't know how it's going to go, but i do think that he'll play a role in getting cheol in trouble again, and something will happen to him that causes him to be separated from miae due to it

sorry this has became really long, i just finished reading the chapters and your theories, and im genuinely so heartbroken over the fact that cheolmiae might not be endgame, and asflua might be ending soon (i see myself a LOT in miae, especially with her relationship with her mother, running away, using her fists to defend herself from being picked on, her overall personality, etc, she's definitely a character dear to me)

i have much more to say (the whole magpie thing with jisu miae and cheol) but this is honestly very long-winded already oops!! i would just like to know your whole opinion on this??

there's no definite answer to what the ending would be as i think there's good chances for cheolmiae vs miaejisu to be endgame, but i am really hoping for cheolmiae to be endgame (if it turns out like 25 21, i will cry so hard because thats exactly how it was when i finished that kdrama lmfaoo)

Don't worry, I only received it once :D but it's okay even if you send it 3 times, I try to answer the messages in order :D

And haha I know what you feel, this will be a very long hiatus so we must wait quite a while for the new chapter :D

Yes, the flying ads had a mind of their own haha

Thank you for saying that, you are very kind :) I started this blog for fun, but it's so cool when other people also have the same theories as I do :)

About the 25 21 similarities, it's a pretty crazy coincidence because aslfua started before the kdrama :D I know I talked about parallels, but it obviously doesn't mean they have to end the same way! Even though I get similar feelings from the 2 series, you have every right to hope the webtoon will have a happy ending :) I'm just rambling here on my blog so don't take me too seriously :)

About your first theory, I think it's a valid possibility if the story is heading towards a happy ending :) Like you said, in that case the message of the story would be that with enough conviction, one could achieve anything in their lives, even if they are fighting against something that's out of their control. Also, if they are going to end up together at the end, it'd make sense for her to fight her own fate in the remaining chapters. Kind of unfortunate for Jisu who was stuck in the middle, but it is what it is. I always say that I think the ending can go 2 ways, and one of them is what you just described. :)

The other outcome in my opinion would be that the supernatural power is forcing Miae to embrace change because it seems like she refuses the idea of growing up. While, in fact, growing up actually might be the biggest theme of the series. It'd be nice if Miae could achieve everything she wants - going to the same high school with everyone, avoiding confrontation with her friends, staying with Cheol, etc., BUT the adults in the series keep reminding us that adult life is more complicated than what she can comprehend as a child (e.g.not having enough money, standing up for your child, moving because of your job). And she's on the verge of a lot of changes, like going to a new school, growing up - if we interpret the series this way, a bittersweet ending is probably more fitting (obviously, it doesn't have to be with Jisu). The supernatural power might even be just a symbol for the changes in Miae's life that she has to embrace, idk haha because even the title refers to the academy, which might also be about learning in a broader sense, like maturing as a person

Them meeting again in the future, why not? :D Anything can happen, if their love is so strong and they can still feel a spark after 10 years it can be a possibility :) Like I know I'm talking about sad endings but I'd obviously be sad as well in that case haha

Yes, same thoughts about Taeuk! It's possible he'll put Miae in danger because that's what Cheol is most afraid of.

No worries, thank you for sending me such an insightful message :) Again, don't be sad, it's absolutely possible they might end up together :) We'll just have to wait and see :) And so true about Miae, she's a great character, it's nice that you can relate to her so much it means Soonkki did a good job writing her character :) Something is special if it makes you think about it, that's for sure.

Just like you, I'm also curious about how the story will end! I think I'll be satisfied if the kids can find their own way in life, even if it doesn't involve romantic relationships. They are so young, I wonder what messages they'll take away from the story and how it will help them grow as people.

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hibiscera · 1 year ago

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Drury on questions 1, 4, 5 for Pride Ask game!

Tbh I wasn’t expecting to get anything for that ask game since I reblogged it to keep for ref for when I finally post more about my OCs, but I cant resist talking about Drury and gender. 😌

1. What's your character's gender identity? What's their relationship to their gender?

Drury is a nonbinary trans man! He loves men and he loves being a man that’s also a moth. 💖 And the moth part is ABSOLUTELY an important part of his gender identity to him.

Manhood, to him, is like being a moth. He does see himself as having been a little girl as a kid… she was only the caterpillar.

I do always think of it like… Drury, growing up and becoming Drury Walker, he sees it as protecting Cameron Van Cleer. That little girl went through so much… and she did it all to protect him, keeping him inside. He’s repaying the favor now by letting her finally live out life as him.

Though he was very happy as a man, something was still missing. So he turned himself into a moth man and now he’s happier than ever. 🥰

To me, the moth transformation really is a symbol of visible queerness. Him showing ALL of himself to the world and not being afraid to hold back anymore.

… but I will leave further details on that for the crowmoth fic. ;3

4. Is your character’s environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

When he was growing up, no… 💔

He didn’t fully accept or realize the truth until he was like 18 or so. The only person who he had to confide in was Mortimer Drake, future Cavalier, who helped him explore his identity a bit in secret. And then he came out and got cut off and thrown out to fend for himself.

But now, things are SO much different.

He was essentially taken in by the Penguin, first of all, a fellow no-op trans man as he would find out. His support was a HUGE step in Drury getting to finally present in a way he was happy with and getting on testosterone.

And he’s just totally surrounded by gay and trans people of all different walks of life with all the other Gotham rogues! It’s a huge confidence booster for him, for sure. He has a community now!

It doesn’t fully fix his self-image issues… those are rooted in so much more than just struggling with gender. But it does help!

So does turning himself into a moth.

5. How did you figure out your oc's identity?

It’s really funny, actually. When I got into DC, I initially had Drury as a cis gay man, but that didn’t last long. Part of it was me trying to justify how he had Kitten…

Of course there was the obvious glaring “he can be trans and give birth to Kitten himself”, but I think part of me was scared of people treating his pregnancy like a joke… and tbh I still am a little scared, but I’ve grown, and I’m very firm on the idea that he carried and gave birth to Kitten himself.

But it’s not only that! I think, when I got into DC, I was still hesitant to fully own the label of trans man and gay man… I felt like I wasn’t allowed to call myself those things for a lot of reasons. Exploring gay transmasculinity through Drury as I became more attached to him was a huge help to me… 😭

And it just felt obvious to make him a trans man. The moth motif + themes of change + the fact that he literally had a whole pregnancy body horror story in which his despised offspring even misgender him. EXTREMELY heavy handed stuff LOL

#Mir answers #I have so many thoughts and feelings about his gender.#dc hc tag #jesncin

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aquietsystem · 10 months ago

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such a wild feeling to tell your therapist about your childhood/family life, doing your best to keep it light even though youre trying to finally be honest about your experiences, and have her directly call it abuse.

tw: abuse mentions, i talk more about it than i have before on here i think

we were discussing my view on relationships and how i really only feel comfortable/happy and see a future with someone if theyre toxic/manipulative/abusive in some way, and wanted to find out why. she mentioned i had great parents so where else could it have come from, and i had to be honest and tell her that yes theyre great now but they werent growinv up. and after i told her, she said that i likely crave these relationships due to the abuse i went through as a kid. which is wild because ive barely begun to acknowledge how traumatic my childhood actually is.

when its all you know you assume its normal, even if its horrid, unless youre directly shown its not. i spent my childhood thinking my parents were willingly and knowingly allowing me to be abused by at least 3 separate people throughout my life. as an adult i know they didnt know. they wouldve stopped it. but as a child i genuinely thoughg they were allowing it. i have a father who yelled a lot as a child. tore apart my room when i was bad enough, spanked me with a belt, chased me through the house while i was terrified and wouldnt let me hide anywhere. my mom spanked me with a hairbrush, and up until i was like, 15-16, they always sided with literally anyone over me. my older siblings could do angthing they wanted and i was the mosg likely to get blamed if it couldnt be proven to be them. if my younger sinblings did something i was told i did it. not everytime, just when they werent literally there to see it. theres so much more i cant remember, and thats only the things directly related to my family that i can prove. thats not including all the other trauma from other people

the first time i heard it get called abuse was when i was 18. i was in my teacher prep class and we were going over a lesson module on abuse and how to spot it and handle it as a teacher. i had to excuse myself to the quiet room so i could just cry because i was finally coming to terms with it. when my teacher came to ask if i was ok i explained and she directly called it abuse too. and its such a hard thing to hear/understand. i dont think i ever truly will

#brain soup #vent #dissociative amnesia #therapy things #trauma #dissociative identity disorder #did system #osddid #did osdd #did alter #endos dni

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writingtohealmytrauma · 1 year ago

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5/4/24

she left me 2 months ago and the pain is still so real and unbearable. 8 years of our life gone, she is now a stranger we dont talk, i want to talk so bad but she wants to move on and asked us not to message i want to talk to her everyday but i need to respect her decision's she still hasnt blocked me and i cant bring myself to block her number, not that it would do any good as i know her number off by heart, i managed to get the strength to archive our conversations so im not constantly seeing her name and our life everytime i message someone, i had been messaging her out of desperation and longing for connection with her and i can see by the read reciepts that she is seeing my message but choosing not to respond and it just hurts so much that this is clearly what she really wants and she is trying her hardest to get over me and us.

she tells me "We pushed it as far as we could" in reality she pushed it as far as she wanted. she tells me that she wants to have a family and she doesnt see a future with us after 8 years so she needs to leave me and find someone else to have a family with. she's 26 and wants to have kids before 30? so she cant waste any more time with us. i spent my life serving her, but it wasnt enough. i gave her everything. i literally made her breakfast and dinner every day for 3 years to prove my love to her, i flew her business class around the world i showed her a life she never dreamed off. i was there every day when she got home waiting to hear about her day, i ALWAYS made and had time for her always. she was my purpose i lived to serve her. all i ever wanted was to marry her, everyone use to have a go at me saying "why dont you marry her?" "hurry up and put a ring on her finger" like i was the problem? she was the one that would never commit. all i wanted was a family and life with her. I know her past trauma's have played a huge part in all of this, she come from a very broken family and has carried alot of trauma her whole life that she refused to deal with and that leaked into our relationship in so many ways. i truly believe if she had of dealt with her passed issues we would stil be here. she was not the only one to blame i also brought issues to the table but i have worked and turned myself out inside as a person to try and fix/overcome these and i feel i really did. she had an avoidance schema which was a real issue she would always run and shut off from us whenever things were hard, my mind is constantly telling me she was overwhelmed and her avoidance schema kicked in and thats why she ended it as there was no good reason to end it, weeks before she ended it she was telling me that she was finallly ready to get engaged after 8 years?? im so confused? I worry that she has realised this was an overreaction to a minor problem but her pride is stopping her from saying hey this is blown out of proportion can we try and fix this?? i would come running! i'd lay my life down to fix this, what ever it took whatever love she needed it is hers. I worry by the time she comes to this conclusion i will have moved on, not because i wanted to but because the pain is to great and i dont want to take my own life from grief. does one ever truly move on? will i still think about her in years too come? there is that weird sense of hope that we will get back together but i cant hold onto that. when we first started dating she saw a psychic (I dont believe in that stuff) but he told her that she was going to meet her partner and they would be together for life like penguins and that she would have twins with them. over the years i truly believed that and i made that a promise to myself that she was my penguin and that we would be together forever and have twins and i held onto that promise for so long, that promise got me through the hardest time in our relationship and now i feel its been broken it makes me sick to think that im not her penguin and some other man might be? she will have twins and a family with another man? makes me want to curl up and die.

It hurts so much that she wants to move on she couldnt do it anymore 8 years, meant nothing i know she wasnt in it for a long time i just kept pushing and pushing and exhuasting myself trying to fix it, i knew in the back of my mind that it was over a long time ago and that we wouldnt work in the future. she was my best friend though and the only family ive ever had all i wanted was to serve her and love her but there was always this twisted gut feeling in my stomach everytime i thought about our future, not from fear just uncertainty. we broke up once before for a short period of time and she bought someone back to our house within a couple days of us breaking up my mind reels at the thoughts of who she is with now who she is seeing.

**DREAM

I had a dream last night that we met up and i asked had she been with anyone else i asked her and i wanted her to say yes so i could hate her and move forwards in my dream she told me after a week of us separating that she had been sleeping with someone else she began to describe the sexual encounter to me with such joy saying it was hot and sweaty and that they didn't use protection and i remember feeling such a sense of a rage and sadness and sickness all at once in my dream, the though of her with another man made my sick. **DREAM

i woke up and i felt relieved as my mind was still telling me that was a real conversation and i hated her and could let her go and after properly waking up and realising it was a dream i cant shake the feeling the thoughts of that dream and what it meant to me. now i feel like i need to know if she is sleeping with other people so i can move on? WHY IS MY MIND ATTACKING ME LIKE THIS? i want to know that she is with other people so i can hate her so i can detach as i feel thats the only way i can move forward but at the same time i dont want to know either. i have no interest in other women right now, i dont think i ever will. i gave her every part of my heart and soul. ive only ever slept with 2 people in my life and have no interest in sleeping around being with other people, the thought makes me feel sick.

everytime i see anything slightly sexual it reminds me of her it makes me feel sick to my guts as to who she is with. i was her first and she was my second and to be intimate almost every day with the same person for 8 years is so special. i think its a mix of jealousy and fear fear because i know what other men are like and what they are capable and that she has not been exposed to how feral men can be and jealousy because what if she finds someone better than me? what if they pleasure her better or love her more. what if she is more attracted to them then me? she said to me that she still loves me and thats not that she doesnt want me she just doesnt think we have a future?? which is so insanely confusing cause how can you love and want someone but not be willing to commit to marriage and life together and risk going out into the world and hoping you find the connect you had with someone else.

she was my bestfriend, all i wanted was to be around her and in her presence and i think that makes this all so much harder for me. i feel like im one of those people that is always surrounded by people but feel so alone always. she took away the loneliness made me feel complete and normal maybe it was bad that i needed her to make me feel that way, maybe i should learn to feel that way before getting into another relationship. thats what everyone tells you to do. but does anyone actually truly do that? does anyone ever wait untill they are complete and feel whole before getting into another relationsip? i feel like if you were complete and happy being alone you would never get into a relationship at all so i feel like that kind of advice is a lie? what else would compel you to be in a relationship if you have learnt to be happy alone, i understand women having a biological clock and im led to beleive that some women have overwhelming maternal instincts and the need to have children but as a some what succesful male, if i learn to be happy aloen and enjoy my own company? why would i want to get into a relationship what would be the driving force behind that? so i think that type of thinking is a lie and fanciful.

i feel scared to go back home, i know i need to though. i left the state i live in to go stay with my cousins for a wgile to try and clear my head i dont know if it has helped our made things worse? im genuinely not sure.

im so scared of running into her, im so scared of running into her with another man. i dont know how to deal with these feelings of fear and jealousy. i just love her so much and my heart screams for her day in an day out.

even writing this now i feel sick at the thought the she is talking to somoene else and flirting with them and doing sexual things with them.

i think the hardest thing for me to grasp is her being sexually intimate with someone else. that seems to be the trigger for me to spiral and feel sick.

my psycologist told me that those are grief thoughts and to label them grief thoughts and that they will pass but they just make me sicker and sicker everytime i think of them.

im not eating, im not sleeping all i do is train. i feel so insecure and so scared i feel like ive aged so much in our relationship and that im ugly and un lovable so im just destroying my body to stay fit and become stronger than i am. i worry its becoming a mental ilnness almost a body dysphoria i hate myseld and everything about myself.

she was younger than me buy a couple of years and i know she is going to date someone younger than me and they will be fitter and stronger than me and it just hurts so much to think that.

i get angry cause i feel like she used me and robbed me of my life and my best years and that she never had any intention of seeing this through. she just used me as a vessel to get her setup in a career and financially.

#relationship #breakup #trauma #heartbreak #healing #self refle

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orchidyoonkook · 1 year ago

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Hey orchid, it’s bubbles,

I really wasn’t expecting this update out of nowhere. I was fully expecting to love the new chapter and I totally do. I reread the previous chapters to refresh my memory but embarking on the journey.

The stuff below from the recently released chapter.

Can I say, I was fully expecting to hate Nel, but he was like so sweet, making breakfast for her and like just being there all this time. It had me questioning if Jk had done wrong by testing him in a way. And also, JK, the dude has fallen so quickly and fast. It’s endearing that he fees this way but it’s like he’s putting so much meaning the one genuine female friendship he has. Him being with Adeline, felt so left wing, I mean the man is a walking place card with her. I wasn’t expecting him to go far with her in the physical relationship type of way. He’s wanted to normal and away from his title so to speak. The only step in that direction thats he’s done this far is the oc.(I have a weird thing with not putting myself as the reader, I instead have like a general character made) Oc thinking of jk is so me, like new friend thinking behavior exists.

I’m sooo excited to see what’s next… I have been working on just studying and planing for my future. Needless to say a very stressful phases in life, but this was a fresh breeze. So thanks for updating!

How have you been, I’ve been seeing your posts but still?

Lots of love,

Bubbles 🫧

Hey orchid, it’s bubbles,

BUBBLESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GODDD!!! oh it's so SO lovely to hear from you again <<<<3333. are you doing well? I hope you're well.

YAYYYYYYY. I was super happy to surprise drop this! and you reread??? Bubbles you SPOILE me with your kindness <<3333

The stuff below from the recently released chapter.

okay lets jump in!!

okay but I actually love that though. I wanted Nel to be kind of out of left field with readers not really knowing quite what to expect from him. And that seems to have been the case from the feedback I've received thus far!

As for JK... he's a bundle of different contrasting emotions rn so honestly i cant blame you one bit. He was definitely pushing his boundaries for sure.

And also, JK, the dude has fallen so quickly and fast. It’s endearing that he fees this way but it’s like he’s putting so much meaning the one genuine female friendship he has.

He really has. And that poor boy does NOT want to. He's trying so hard to push those feelings away so he doesn't put so much meaning into it. But he cant help it :(

Like I actually feel so bad for him.

Him being with Adeline, felt so left wing, I mean the man is a walking place card with her. I wasn’t expecting him to go far with her in the physical relationship type of way. He’s wanted to normal and away from his title so to speak. The only step in that direction thats he’s done this far is the oc.

I'm going to go author response here instead of character. Adaline is supposed to (in this specific point of left field and walking place card) be this reminder of who he is throughout this part of the story. As in "Prince of the largest kingdom in the realm." Because he cant just shut the royal part of his life off, he may be 'alone' at school, but he still has to placate his father, with whom he's already on thin ice with due to being at the school in the first place. So he quite literally is intentionally making himself into this walking placecard to be able to keep the real part of his life he's created (the directional step with OC). We have to remember the much larger much more complciated politics that come with his role outside the walls of the school. And then so part of the role he's playing for Adaline will be physical in that way.

My point is that I agree with your point completely, but it is done intentionally!

(I have a weird thing with not putting myself as the reader, I instead have like a general character made) Oc thinking of jk is so me, like new friend thinking behavior exists.

Me too!! Occasionally I will see parts of myself in OC'S and it's super fun, but in my head it's just a character 99.9% of the time! And YES. Your get it! They're new and shiny and you're excited to get to know all of the things and learn all the cool things about someone new! At least that's what I'm like and it's rubbed off on Reader.

Ahhh!!! Thank you <<<33333.

I'm so proud of you for working towards your goals! That's amazing and the dedication is so amazing. Seriously I'm thrilled for you. I hope it goes SO well <3 You deserve all good things <3

How have you been, I’ve been seeing your posts but still?

Mostly good! I'm finally adjusting to the whole 9-5 thing. My circadian rhythym has never been in line with "normal" hours, so that has been the hardest thing to adjust too and adapt too, which is where most of my exhuastion is coming in. I'm working more on less sleep and so that's been g r e a t. BUT I'm getting there. Slowly and surely.

Oh! I have a question for you. You had mentioned once (i think?) that you were going to read TDWV and send in your thoughts. (this is by no means me saying/ telling you to read or review just to be clear☺♥) But just in case you had, I haven't received anything on my end and wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't ignoring you if tumblr ate it. That being said, if you hadn't please feel free to ignore the last 4 sentences XD

Lots of love, Bubbles 🫧

Your presence in my life brings me joy and i send you love RRIGHTTT BACKK. Thank you for your lovely words, as always <3 they are appreciated more than you know <3

Xo,

Yoon

#literally made my day when i got this i will have you know #i love hearing from you #reviews #TWWWBAATTA reviews #phthartic-fox #Eastern Arrivals and Unwanted Doubt

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airmiddd · 1 month ago

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tw for a vent ig

i’ve never said “im a lesbian” outloud before and it’s kind of sad. i’ll talk to my family about being gay and make jokes about it but i never came out by saying those words, like admitting it will make it more true

i do act like i dont mind it but i hate being gay, it’s one of my least favourite things about myself

you know when you have a feature you dont like, but it looks good on others? that’s how i feel. i wish i was confident, and had gay friends, and didnt worry about others. i wish i wasn’t weird. but is that not me? who would i be without those traits? being weird is all i am and that’s literally where the word queer comes from. i should be proud

i wish i could skip the no friends phase. it’s awful, just completely unbearable. i cant undo all this hurt though, that wouldnt be me and i’ve had gone through everything for nothing

i’d hate myself even more 2 years ago, but i hope in the future that i love this version of me. i couldnt bear someone so important to me, another person that i look forward to seeing hate me.

i wonder somedays if i’ll break my family up over this. my family might not support me. what if my mother doesnt talk to her sister anymore? my aunt is heavily religious and i dont want my mother to have a bad relationship because of me.

i hope people dont view me differently after coming out, like the stereotypical “woke” lesbian. so what if i am? i’m just as human as you, i have feelings. i don’t just love being angry. i dont care about my “friends” but what if my teachers think i’m disgusting?

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bejeweledjulz · 6 months ago

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ok i honestly am in an era where i have no interest in anything and would prefer crawling into a hole and dying than engaging with people. truly a hermit moment for me. i have reached a very interesting point craving connection and avoiding it simultaneously i think bc of how many times i have been DOOOOGGED as hell. like i just dont care abt anything anymore and i dont want to and maybe see your psychiatrist bae, yes, but if i could just succumb to the darkness honestly it would be chill as fuck. people make me tired i dont wanna talk to any of them again and nothing is really a trigger for this, its just the realization that no one has my back despite me giving everything to everyone ive cared about and getting performances, at most, in return.

to avoid, i wanna sleep all the time, pick like a maniac and push everyone i have ever spoken to away unfortch and like, frens are still there for me but i feel like i am a master at vanishing. im literally scared of friends after the past several months' happenings. its not even a crash out its a crash in to myself and facing what i want or dont want or think i want. maybe smt going on w my pleasure centers meaning quit weed again? idk feels like such a temporary solution when everyone around me is heavy on it. i also literally just want to grow up and find stability in job/friendships/relationships but girl how are you doing that if you dont open up to ppl anymore. i genuinely am forever tainted lol, light is gone from my eyes type beat. being 20 feels so overwhelming, doing it alone is way harder than i could have imagined. at least im not hiding behind anyone through it, that would get so convoluted so quick.

ultimately, are the things im doing compatible w who i want to be? i guess my future just feels like a very abstract vision lately. i dont know what shes up to but its almost like i have to picture her grabbing me by the hand and leading the way. wherever i am, who i will become has been there first and that should inform how i move in a space. i am just tired. i cant be everything to everyone.

#everything to everyone #dont tell my mom #drained of magic #Spotify

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thrashingthrashing · 6 months ago

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01/31/25

my girlfriend has been staying over because she needs to do nursing trial shit at a local hospital. she takes night shifts so she basically sleeps in my bed all day and then leaves and then comes back and sleeps more. she's also sick with fucking mono of all things and she smells like she's literally fucking dying. all of this makes me super uncomfortable to the point where i'm starting to doubt my interest in this relationship. it's not made better that this comes after a month long period where we were both sick and didn't see each other. don't know if working from home has made me want to isolate myself from other people or not. maybe living alone for 6 years is what did that? anyways i want her out of my house like all the time. i just want to be alone so bad when she's here. when she's not here it is a massive sigh of relief. it's not made better that i sleep like shit when i'm in a bed with someone else, the stress prevents me from getting good sleep anyways. i completely fucked up everything. it's so fucking hard for me to feel affection in the first place and this is making it very difficult. i learned the term "avoidant attachment style" which i think is a bullshit term for emotionally iced out lunatics like myself that cant love like a regular person. avoidant is a shitty term though, i just dont want to cohabitate with someone whose presence totally reshapes how i've been living my life for 6 months at this point. fuck i want her out of my house so bad. i literally tried to not think about this decision before i made it. i was like "i'll just let it happen and see if i can deal with it"= complete insanity.

every time anything inconvenient happens i'm like ohh i should have dated jadynne ohh i should have kept fucking alva just total fucking nonsense because i can't cope with the idea that at my core i am a person with a voracious appetite for victimizing myself and making myself unhappy and ANY other future was the right decision to make- the life i chose to live is the wrong one. i'm completely fucking delusional. or do i just want to sleep alone? it has to be one of the two

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ittybxttykxttytxtty · 2 years ago

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I HONESTLY FEEL LIKE WHILE READING THIS FIC,MY DEFAULT SETTING WILL ALWAYS BE CAPSLOCK. SO I HOPE YOU'RE USED TO IT BY NOW. THANKS 💕

I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT BABY GIRL DESERVES THIS MOMENT OF PEACE. EVEN FOR A LIL BIT. GO AHEAD. I SUPPORT YOU IGNORING HIM. MAKE HIM SWEAT A BIT

“It’s just–” he began, grimacing before shaking his head. “Matt doesn’t know, does he? That you’re pregnant? Because you two aren’t together but you’re carrying his child. And I don’t think he’d be acting the way he is if he knew.”

FOGGY...YOUR FAITH IN MATT PUTS MATT'S FAITH IN GOD TO SHAME.

“If he knew the truth there’s no way Matt would’ve walked out on you like that,” Foggy told you earnestly. “There’s no way. He’d have stayed, I promise you that.”

FOGGY...BABY...

“I was crying and begging him to stay and he left . That’s on Matt, not me.”

“No, that man couldn’t possibly care about being a father. All he cares about is Daredevil and Hell’s Kitchen. He can have a relationship with his child, I won’t stop that, but I’m the one who’ll ultimately be raising this baby.”

YES YE SYS I ANBSJIA I CANT. SHE SAID IT. SHE HAS SPOKEN THE TRUTH.

“You don’t know Matt wouldn’t want to be a father.”

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?!?! DID HE TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT?!?! DID HE SAY HE HAS PLANS TO BE A DAD IN THE FUTURE. IK IDK MUCH BECAUSE MY KNOWLEDGE ABOUT MATT WANTING TO BE A DAD IS LIMITED BUT WITH ALL THINGS CONSIDERED HE DOESNT HE REALLY SCREAM FATHER MATERIAL

“But I know Matt. He wouldn’t walk away from his own child. He wouldn’t .”

OKAY, FINE. IF FOGGY SAYS IT THEN I KINDA MAYBE SORTA ON THIN FUCKING ICE ACCEPT IT I GUESS. BECAUSE I TRUST FOGGY MORE THAN MATTHEW RN.

“You and I will be just fine on our own,” you whispered drowsily, patting your bump. “I’ll find a way to make this work. One way or another, we'll both be okay.”

BET, BABY GIRL. WE CAN MAMMA MIA OUR WAY THROUGH THIS. MERYL STREEP AND I BELIEVE IN YOU. 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

“Are you fucking serious, Matt?” Foggy snapped.

TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH TO SNAP AT HIM BUT IT IS WELCOMED. GO AHEAD. TEAR HIM A NEW ONE.

“Fog, I’ve been trying to reach out to her,” he replied calmly, trying to soothe his friend’s anger. “I’ve called her countless times over the past couple of weeks. I’ve left her multiple messages. She keeps ignoring me and not answering my calls. Clearly she doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. There’s nothing I can do about that.”

i cant even bring myself to use capslock on this....it just baffles me how committed he is into not putting effort...like i am honestly amazed at this point. how can you say you love someone and not even make any effort in trying to make things right? or even try to end it without any bad blood...is he fr?

Matt’s hand twitched from its place on the desk out of instinct, ready to dart out and grab Foggy’s wrist, but he was stunned when his friend actually landed a hit upside his head.

AND HERE COMES FOGGY WITH A STEEL CHAIR

“And I’m disappointed in you! You damn well know you could show up at her apartment if she’s not answering your calls. You’re just making excuses.”

THAT'S IT. CALL HIM OUT LIKE A PRIEST CHASTISING SINNERS IN CHURCH.

“Okay,” he agreed, nodding again. “Okay, I’ll go talk to her. I promise.”

I'LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE RESULTS.

After thots:

- baby girl deserves that me time 💕✨ go ahead, queen and lil devil, bond ✨ relax ✨ ignore thy father ✨

- did matthew even try? honestly? like him trying feels so forced?? that im beginning to doubt his feelings for her

- welp, we now know that these idiots would literally not survive without Foggy 🫂

Anyways, another chapter another round of feels 🥹 sending hugs and patience to everyone even to you, Ms. Bella. ik that typing matt's actions causes pain 🫂

Seeking Forgiveness [Part Four]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader Word Count: 3.7k

[Full summary and installment list for this series can be found here.]

Warnings/tags: 18+ contains angst, emotional hurt, delayed comfort, pregnant Reader

a/n: This one switches POVs at the end to Matt's. Hopefully you like the update because I quite enjoyed writing Foggy in this one. You'll see why... Feedback is always appreciated!

Tag List: @mattmurdocksstarlight @just-going-through-the-motions @paracosmic-murdock @yeonalie @auroraslibrary @1988-fiend @will-delete-this-later-probably @two-unbeatable-beaters @danzer8705 @ragamuffin285 @callmebrooklynbabes @spookyboogyuniverse @peachy-aisha @stevenknightmarc @nerdytreeflower @fucktthisworld @remuslupinwifee @kmc1989 @mywellspringoflife @thornbushrose @yarrystyleeza @shiorimakibawrites @thychuvaluswife @marvelcinematiquniverse @vallovesthedilfs @scoliobean @this--is--music @mattmurdocks6thscaleapartment @ashlynhasmanyhyperfixations @swissy23 @lilthbunny @that-girl-named-alex

Chewing another bite of your burger, you were barely focused on the conversation occurring at the table amongst your friends. You had been starving ever since the four of you had met at the restaurant, the smell of grilled food causing you to salivate the moment you’d stepped through the doors. So once the waiter had placed your burger on the table in front of you–the one thing you’d been craving nonstop all day–you’d tuned everything else around you out. Marci had shot you a curious look when you'd first dug into your food, but you’d chosen to ignore that, too.

Initially you’d set up this lunch date with your friends so that you could break the news to Foggy and Marci that you were pregnant. For the past two weeks now Karen had helped you keep your secret, but now that you were eight weeks along and had seen that everything was progressing well at your first ultrasound, you thought it was time to clue the pair of them into things, too. You’d been appreciative of Karen’s support lately, but truthfully being even less alone in everything right now sounded even more comforting and appealing.

As for Matt, you’d admittedly been doing your best to avoid him. He still had no idea about the pregnancy, and truthfully you weren’t quite ready to tell him. Over the past couple of weeks he had been calling you and leaving the occasional voicemail, but you’d ignored him every single time. And since you hadn’t had the heart to hear his voice or whatever it was he had to say for himself, you currently had twelve unopened voicemails from him.

You knew you needed to tell Matt the news. Every day you told yourself that, and every day it was a constant battle with yourself between ripping the bandaid off and showing up at his apartment to tell him or not. But then you always became emotional at the thought of just seeing Matt again, and you ultimately always came to the conclusion that you just weren’t quite ready to face him, not with this. You also knew that it wasn’t the sort of news you thought you should tell him in a phone call, either. So for now, Matt had no idea you were pregnant with his child.

“Whoa, slow down there,” Foggy teased from across the table. “Your burger is not going to get up and run away from you if you set it down to breathe for a moment.”

It took a second for you to realize that he was even talking to you, having been too focused on eating your food. Your gaze slowly slid up from your plate, noticing three sets of eyes on you. Thankfully Karen’s expression was more amused and knowing than confused and judging like Foggy and Marci’s across from you. Swallowing down your bite of burger, you lowered it back down towards your plate, sitting up straighter in the booth. You sent the pair of them across from you a sheepish smile, watching as Marci’s hand rose up towards her mouth.

"You've uh…got some ketchup," she said, gesturing beside her lip. “Right here.”

Reaching over, you grabbed your napkin and dabbed at the glob of ketchup on your face. You could still feel all three sets of eyes on you as you wiped off the ketchup, and one look up from your plate confirmed your suspicions. Eyes darting over towards Karen beside you, you saw her send you a slight nod and a soft, encouraging smile. With a sigh you wiped your hands off on your napkin next, figuring now was as good a time as any during this lunch to break the news to Foggy and Marci. And at least the irritating hunger-nausea that seemed to accompany early pregnancy was temporarily abated with how fast you’d eaten half of your burger.

“Sorry,” you muttered.

Foggy waved a dismissive hand, shrugging his shoulders as he sent you a smile. “Not a big deal, though I thought you had asked us here because you wanted to talk to us about something.”

“There uh, there actually was a reason,” you agreed, nodding slowly.

Your eyes slid back and forth between Foggy and Marci, your fingers fidgeting nervously with the napkin still in your hands. The pair of them curiously focused on you from across the table, lowering their utensils and giving you their full attention. Biting the inside of your cheek, you contemplated how you were supposed to tell them something so big. How did you lead up to telling someone that you're pregnant? So when you inevitably couldn’t think of anything to gradually broach the topic with, you opted for just spitting it right out.

“I’m pregnant,” you announced. “Just over eight weeks now.”

Marci’s eyes instantly doubled in size at the news, her lips parting in surprise as she gaped at you. Foggy’s jaw literally dropped, his entire body going rigid in the booth. From beside you, you felt Karen place a gentle hand on your shoulder, giving it a brief comforting squeeze.

“Holy shit,” Foggy breathed out.

You shot him another sheepish smile, still fidgeting with the napkin. “Yeah,” you muttered, “that’s about what I said initially, too.”

“So–so is it…Matt’s?” Marci asked slowly, her brows drawing together.

“Yes,” you answered.

“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute,” Foggy said, frantically waving his hands in front of himself. “You’re pregnant? Like right now? With Matt’s baby?”

“Yes,” you repeated.

Marci began to run a hand through her blonde hair, her lips pursing together as that furrow between her brows grew while she tried to process the information. Foggy was still sitting in the booth beside her and staring at you in utter disbelief. After a minute of that incredulous expression on his face, you quirked a brow at him, no longer able to stand the silence that had fallen over the table.

“What?” you asked him.

“Yeah, well,” you began bitterly, picking up your glass of water and bringing it to your lips for a drink, “that’s Matt’s fault.”

“So you’re just not going to tell him?” Foggy asked in shock, his brows shooting up onto his forehead. “You can’t possibly do that to him. You wouldn’t .”

“I am going to tell him,” you said, setting your glass back onto the table. “I tried to tell him that I was pregnant the night we broke up. But he wouldn’t stay to talk to me. Said he needed to go deal with the Russians. Again . He’s the one who told me to leave that night. Told me I could tell him whatever it was I needed to when he got back or that I could go." You winced, eyes dropping down towards your half-finished burger. “He left me alone that night–left us alone. So forgive me for not rushing to tell him the news a second time,” you snapped. “Because I don’t think I should have come last that night on his list of priorities, so right now he's not exactly at the top of mine.”

“If he knew the truth there’s no way Matt would’ve walked out on you like that,” Foggy told you earnestly. “There’s no way. He’d have stayed, I promise you that.”

Your eyes flew up from the table, landing back on Foggy across from you. There was an almost pleading look on his face as he sat there across from you. But as you opened your mouth to respond, you could feel that familiar rush of anger unfurling inside of you as you remembered that night.

“I practically begged him to stay and talk to me, Fog,” you growled, one arm possessively wrapping around your abdomen. “I was crying and begging him to stay and he left . That’s on Matt, not me.”

“I absolutely agree with you on that,” Foggy replied quickly, nodding his head. “He briefly told me what happened that night and I agree that he fucked up. Big time. But knowing what I do now? I know Matt needs to know the truth. He needs to make things right–”

“There’s no way Matt could make any of this right, Fog,” you cut him off. “And even if there somehow was, do you really think Matt would want to raise a child? With what he does? How obsessive he gets over things? The way he doesn’t even take care of himself?” You shook your head quickly, one arm still possessively wrapped around your belly. “No, that man couldn’t possibly care about being a father. All he cares about is Daredevil and Hell’s Kitchen. He can have a relationship with his child, I won’t stop that, but I’m the one who’ll ultimately be raising this baby.”

“You don’t know that,” Foggy countered, shaking his head as he leaned across the table towards you with that pleading expression only growing more desperate on his face. “You don’t know Matt wouldn’t want to be a father.”

“Actually, Fog,” Marci said, cutting him off, “I think I’m with her on this. From the things I’ve heard about Matt’s hobby from you and Karen, I was honestly shocked he had managed to successfully keep a relationship for as long as he has. But being a father? That’s an even bigger responsibility. I mean, he already has difficulty prioritizing the firm with you and Karen half the time. You really think a baby would be any different?”

“Yes!” Foggy exclaimed, his eyes darting between you and Marci. “Matt has his flaws, sure, I know that. I do,” he continued fervently. “But I know Matt. He wouldn’t walk away from his own child. He wouldn’t .”

"I'm with Fog on this," Karen said, catching everyone's attention. "I think Matt wouldn't be acting this way if he knew."

Marci’s eyes narrowed at Karen, her head slowly tilting to the side. "You already knew she was pregnant, didn't you?" she asked. "Because you don't seem very surprised right now."

"She showed up at my place shortly after the breakup and I told her," you explained. "I just didn't want to be alone in all of this. I had been waiting until after my ultrasound to break the news to you and Foggy next. I just–just wanted you all to know so I wasn't entirely alone."

Marci’s hand slid across the table towards yours, grabbing onto it. She sent you a warm smile that swiftly quieted the anger you felt towards Matt that had been burning inside of you for weeks now.

"You're not alone in this," she assured you, squeezing your hand. "You've always got us."

"Yeah," Foggy agreed, his face softening when you glanced at him beside her. "Whatever happens with Matt in all of this, you know we're always here for you. Through anything."

Tears began to fill your eyes, your lips trembling at the show of support. Truly you were grateful that everything with Matt had led you to at least meeting all three of them.

"Thanks guys," you whispered. "You don't know what that means to me."

Shutting your apartment door behind yourself, you turned and leaned your back up against it, slipping your aching feet out of your shoes with a deep groan. Head rolling back against the door as you stretched your toes, your eyes took in the sight of your empty apartment. Everything was neat and tidy except for the couch in your living room, which was often where you found yourself cocooned in a soft blanket whenever you were home lately, binging your shows and trying to ignore the hollow, lingering pain in your chest from your persistent heartache.

The pillows on your couch were a mess, a couple of them stacked together and resting against an armrest that you'd long since claimed as your usual spot. The extra height of them stacked helped with your nasal congestion–another unfortunate perk of pregnancy you’d recently come to learn about. Your plush blanket was still strewn across the cushions looking exactly the same as when you'd crawled out from underneath it earlier to get ready for your lunch date with your friends. Truthfully your couch still looked about as inviting as anything could to you lately.

With a sigh, your right hand absently landed on your belly. Any other normal Sunday in the past you'd have had plans with Matt right now. Grabbing groceries together or maybe getting coffee. Planning out dinner or listening to audiobooks on the couch. Having mind-blowing sex in the bedroom that left you blissed out and pleasantly exhausted afterwards, the pair of you remaining naked in bed just talking and losing track of time for half the day.

But not today.

Though admittedly it had been awhile since Matt had been able to give you his undivided attention on a weekend. Usually he had been trying to catch up on work or sleep before he went back out again as Daredevil at night. But that didn't stop the sting of his absence that you’d felt over the past few weeks since the breakup.

Eyes dropping down to your abdomen, a faint smile curled your lips upwards. You weren't truly alone though. Not fully. And at least Foggy and Marci knew the truth about your pregnancy now and were completely supportive of you. That's what mattered at the moment.

"Alright my little devil," you whispered to your small bump affectionately, "what's on the agenda for tonight?"

Lifting the hem of your shirt up with your other hand, you stretched out the spandex band of your maternity pants with a frown. They had become far more comfortable than your actual jeans this past week, especially once those had been near impossible for you to actually button closed. You’d recently bought a few basic maternity items, but the maternity jeans made you feel considerably less attractive with that stretchy band reaching up to almost the bottom of your bra.

"Should I get into something significantly more comfortable than these maternity pants?" you asked your bump. "Maybe those cozy, stretchy leggings I just bought? Then you and I could curl up and take a nap on the couch before figuring out dinner?"

Pushing off of the door, you bent down with another groan as you picked up your shoes and placed them in the nearby closet. Afterwards, you shuffled your tired feet through your living room and straight towards your bathroom just through the short hallway.

"But first I'm going to pee for the millionth time today," you muttered under your breath. "Something I feel like I'm doing all the time now."

You used the bathroom quickly before heading to your room, taking your time to switch your clothes into something more comfortable. It wasn’t like you were planning to go out anywhere for the rest of your Sunday night. It didn’t matter that you were wearing a massive oversized shirt and a pair of maternity leggings that you’d rolled the waistband down to just below your bump. No one was going to see you, anyway.

“Alright,” you murmured as you left your bedroom, shuffling your way back down the hallway towards your living room. “Let’s nap and figure out dinner afterwards. Seems like you’re feeling pasta tonight, so I guess that’s the plan.”

Settling onto the couch, you pulled your feet up onto the cushions and underneath your blanket before you laid down. Almost instantly you could feel your sinuses closing up and you tried to ignore your irritation at it. At least it wasn’t the nausea, because that admittedly had been the worst part of everything so far. Getting comfortable on the couch, you tugged the blanket up to your chin, your eyes steadily closing as your exhaustion began to overtake you.

“You and I will be just fine on our own,” you whispered drowsily, patting your bump. “I’ll find a way to make this work. One way or another, we'll both be okay.”

Matt leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk as he buried his face in his hands. He was tired and annoyed this morning, irritated that his Sunday out hadn’t been too eventful last night. Ever since he’d finished dealing with the Russians, having gotten Petrov into police custody with the help of Mahoney, Hell’s Kitchen had been oddly quiet on the organized crime front. Which was poor timing considering the fact that Matt hadn’t wanted to stay in his apartment where he’d just be reminded how alone he was every night.

It didn’t help that he’d been sleeping horribly, too. He wasn’t out as late as he had been for the past few weeks, meaning he had the time to sleep, but he clearly lacked the ability lately. His mind just wouldn’t seem to quiet, becoming almost louder than the sounds of the city around him when he tried to. Which was also quite irritating.

With an annoyed huff, he slid his hands down his face, straightening back up in his chair. He picked up his glasses from his desk and placed them back onto his face. He was tired but he still had work to do. There was a frustrating case he’d been helping Foggy with lately and he figured he could distract himself with that today. He didn’t want to think about anything else.

Though Matt had barely gotten far focusing on the case before he heard Foggy entering the office, closing the door a bit harsher than usual behind himself. Even Karen startled in her office at the unexpected rough slam of the door. Matt’s brows furrowed behind his glasses immediately afterwards when he heard Foggy make his way straight to his office instead of his own.

Confused, Matt’s head darted up just as Foggy threw his door open. He could practically feel the anger radiating off of Foggy as he stepped into the room, his breathing heavy and his heart beating a little faster than usual. Matt’s eyes narrowed curiously behind his lenses at the tension in Foggy’s body and the increase in his blood pressure.

“Are you fucking serious, Matt?” Foggy snapped.

Matt's brows knitted further together, even more confused at Foggy's behavior this morning. He hadn't seen Foggy all weekend, what could he have done to upset him?

“About what exactly?” he asked carefully.

Foggy stormed further into the room, roughly slamming both of his hands flat on Matt’s desk as he leaned forward. Matt’s head tilted curiously to the side, noticing the elevation in Foggy’s heart rate further increasing. Apparently his answer hadn’t been the right one.

“You said you’d talk to her, Matt!” Foggy yelled. “You told me you were going to apologize and make things up to her! You told me that!”

Of course this was about you.

Foggy scoffed loudly, angrily shaking his head. “There’s nothing you can do about that?” he shot back sarcastically. “Are you serious? Dammit, Matt!”

Matt heard the way Foggy’s hand swiftly rose from the desk, swinging through the air towards himself. Matt’s hand twitched from its place on the desk out of instinct, ready to dart out and grab Foggy’s wrist, but he was stunned when his friend actually landed a hit upside his head.

“What the hell, Fog?” Matt snapped, scooting back in his desk chair as he ran a hand over the sore spot on his temple. “What’d you hit me for?”

“Honestly, I–I’m surprised you even let me do that,” Foggy said, his anger briefly replaced by surprise. “Figured you would’ve stopped me before I could.”

“Well I didn’t think you were actually going to hit me!” Matt shot back. “Why the hell did you hit me?”

“Because I’m pissed at you, Matt!” Foggy roared, anger quickly returning. “And I’m disappointed in you! You damn well know you could show up at her apartment if she’s not answering your calls. You’re just making excuses.”

“Show up and do what, Fog?” Matt retorted. “Force her to talk to me when she clearly wants nothing to do with me? Hurt both of us even more by forcing that interaction? It’s probably better if she goes on hating me anyway. She’ll move on faster, at least.”

Foggy’s hand flew to the bridge of his nose, pinching it between his fingers. Matt heard the sharp hiss of his frustration between his gritted teeth. Seeing how upset Foggy was had Matt quickly beginning to question just why he was so worked up over this situation. It was between you and him, after all. Why did Foggy want you to apologize and talk this badly?

“Just promise me you’ll go over there and physically talk to her, okay?” Foggy said, his anger barely restrained. “That you’ll offer her a proper apology and talk to her?”

Matt shifted in his seat, his eyes once again narrowing behind his lenses. “Why is this so important to you?” he asked carefully. “It’s been a few weeks now, why are you still so adamant that we talk?”

“Because,” Foggy said, his fingers releasing his nose as his hand lowered to his side, “I know how important it is for the both of you. And I also know how stubborn and idiotic you can be. Someone needs to kick you in the ass before you make a big mistake an even bigger one. So just promise me you’ll talk to her.”

Matt’s tongue slipped out between his lips, nervously wetting them. After a moment he nodded, hearing the way Foggy’s heart rate started to gradually decrease back to its normal pace.

“Yeah, alright,” he assured his friend. “I’ll talk to her.”

“And I mean soon, Matt,” Foggy pressed. “Not in another few weeks.”

“Okay,” he agreed, nodding again. “Okay, I’ll go talk to her. I promise.”

#matt murdock x reader #reread

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258energeticfrogsinmyhead · 2 months ago

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last song I listened to: ruru's suicide show on a livestream (2023 remaster)

the song itself is based on the death of a girl by the name of Rorochan, yes. i cant say much about it other than that i really wish she wasnt surrounded by people telling her any of that. the topic of mental health and suicides in japan isnt one im familiar with, but i wish they were so much less overworked and had more relief

favorite color: all of them. i like them in conjunction with one another. cant choose one on its lonesome.

.. ....green?

currently watching: N/A lol. will have to watch project 863 & anna-logue though. promised to

last movie: *to the tune of we both reached for the gun* Don't Remember! (wait actually i do. it was some cheesy filipino romcom i ((was dragged along to)) got to see at the movies with my family)

currently reading: any fanfiction within my vicinity. also also Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint. i need to get around to reading it soon

sweet, spicy, or savory: dont like the spice. dont like sweets in excess. savory is fine

relationship: //im. i dont . um. im in several, like, platonic, familial, acquaintanceships, and im in a queerplatonic one((??i think. i dont know what this is. sav im so sorry i dont think i understand how partnerships work????? I HAVE QUESTIONS!! SEVERAL!!!))

but the catch to all of those is that im really bad at relationships of any flavor. i dont mind the commitment, that much i understand. it's the engagement i have an issue with; the initiating contact part. i love all of my relationships but im bad at telling if people like having me. as y'can see, i talk. i talk a lot. i talk unnecessarily convoluted, overexcessive amounts online.

i act in rpg battle system terms. they take the first move, i take mine. they're the player and i'm the enemy, they decide when to end it and i

die

go back and forth with them and let it progress naturally (death! but later!)

let them flee

so basically all of my relationships are in stasis because i only talk or get reached out to occasionally. thats how i percieve all of it, at least. im bad at maintaining connections. i have to be poked, pricked, and prodded at like a science experiment, a wild animal, and a cake fresh out of the oven t'be able to move

current obsessions: sam & max (forever!!! even if im not actively engaging with it babbbbyyyyyyyyyyyyy); forsaken, + roblox itself (i cant escape even if i wanted to its literally the one of the only platforms i use); yume-nikki reminiscent/dreamlike exploration games; omniscient reader's viewpoint; trying to remember and explain things coherently and vividly enough. also writing + reading

speaking of which: im so mad at myself for my own impatience. it severely ruins the experience. i felt so much wonder first reading the webtoon iteration because of all the visuals, the setting, and the handling of every little "meta" aspect and now ive desecrated the future experience i couldve had with the novel. rrrghhhh..

last googled: "they both reached for the gun lyrics"

currently working on: remembering, figuring out how to create again + create enjoyably, relearning how to cherish things like information, just relearning how to cherish things in general.

hm. brevity

oh yeh uhhh @imkindachezzy @mathletfoox youre two people i know. get your fingers typing NOW!!!!!!! ((IF YOU WANT TO!! I DON'T ACTUALLY WANT TO FORCE YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU ARE UNWILLING TO!))

nine people I would like to get to know better

Thank you @sentowritesstuff for tagging me!! I actually really like doing little games like this even if it’s something small it makes me happy lol

last song I listened to: I Hate It Here by Taylor Swift

favorite color: probably a really dark blue

currently watching: daredevil, andor s2, agent Carter, cloak and dagger, and a couple more

last movie: Avengers Infinity War

currently reading: Family of Liars by E. Lockhart

sweet, spicy, or savory: all of them!! I cant choose a favorite!!

relationship: single☹️ My crush doesn’t like me back and I refuse to talk to him

current obsessions: agent Carter, captain america and stucky in general (as usual), Star Wars, the naturals series, six of crows again, baking carrot cakes, and writing poetry about my shitty family

last googled: where to watch into the spiderverse?

currently working on: a speech for school, a poem series, and a fanfic about stucky

I’m going to tag: @spidersinsalem @olicitylighthome @aurore-boreal1s @scarfacemarston @bufferingsummers @onyx-di-angelo @crazysandwich @bloodorange17 & @mentalmeles

no pressure though if you’ve already done it or don’t want to

#if the sparks start flying i wont let them scathe you #<<<personal tag i guess #???????????/

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luckyqueenreign · 3 years ago

Note

Today’s episodes really pissed me off

1. We paid to find out suresh/Finn/Dana are still into us and want us but this choice doesn’t matter for the plot because still we get suresh/lulu and kat/Finn super flirty with each other. And how both relationship are perfect and “steamy”. And basically we get narration they “moved on” from mc. (So if we don’t pay for premium scenes to find out a truth we really might think it’s true).

2. Gabi for sure wants suresh.

3. Our conversation with gabi and suresh didn’t change anything.

4. 5 months of dating when suresh and mc were a year together. It wasn’t just a rebound or a fling🤬

5. Meera and mc are Hannah and Lottie 2.0

6. Casa boys are the same aka no matter who you chose both boys have the same personality and plot line

7. We didn’t any moment to be alone with suresh

8. Finn being Noah 2.0

9. They still force alfie on us

10. Now we have to be super friendly with Dana and we are supposed to help her but no one helps us.

this is unfortunately very true and I thought this might be the case if I didnt pay for the Eddie gem scene. but wasnt sure if people didnt pay for it if you could still confront him on the terrace about liking MC. someone who hasn't bought the gem scene report back!

1000% and this is super annoying and an unnecessary plot line atp, we already had arlo, now Lulu, why are we constantly competing for this mans attention with women that we know dont measure up to MC in Suresh's eyes. at the end of the day, MC is who he ultimately wants so why are we adding in all of this unnecessary drama when we have 10 episodes left.

it changed nothing but it did give me a bit more clarity into their situation and it did confirm things for me...he never looked at Gabi as a relationship and I know that 5 months sounds like a long time but when you're just hooking up with someone it honestly really isnt. ESPECIALLY when you don't have feelings involved and when you look at it as a "brief fling". Gabi saw it as more..he didnt.

MC and Suresh were together for over year, their relationship was completely different. She met the parents, went on vacations, they loved each other. Suresh never said I love you to Gabi. It wasn't love. It was a rebound. I actually had an irl 6 month rebound and it truthfully does not feel like that long of a time when u dont have feelings for someone...so it happens!

Meera can kiss my ass...I cant wait to see her wack ass face next week when im still standing.

This is so wack...I wish FB would do better. We literally had no cast this season the very least they could do was give their different players different personalities and different routes.

BESTIE this HURT. HOW WAS THIS POSSIBLE??? I said before I left for casa I wanted this man. I was loyal the entire FUCKING TIME. and I cant have ONE MOMENT??? HOW IS THIS EVEN REALISTIC????? especially after his speech??? I hate FB

ok that little moment we had with him def gave me noah vibes 🥹. I low-key loved it and can low-key see myself doing a finn route in the future

did they?? maybe I missed this because I was rushing to get a summary out asap. I want to replay this afternoon again and see if I pick this up

I told her I needed space from her and FB ignored my wishes of course. girly I dont care about ur issues with my ex's mistress!! and I voted for ur ass to leave! Scram!

#litg thought #litg thoughts #litg ask #litg spoilers

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ifieabouteverything · 3 years ago

Text

Rewatching Ninjago

(With no context other than the episode)

Skybound 1-2

Im gonna be completely honest, out of all the seasons, I remember skybound the most

Maybe because it was the first time the series took Jay away from the comedic role and gave him development

I need everyone to stop calling Nya ‘sweetheart’ or im going to explode them with my mind

OH WAIT I FORGOT

THIS IS THE SEASON THEY GET FAMOUS

I was so caught up on pirates, genies, and Jay being an idiot that i forgot that was a huge factor

I remember I really hated dareth this season

Dareth: Your a boy band! A hunk machine! You dont need a girl in the group!

All the ninja: 😐😑😐

They really called him out on his bullshit

Cole wants nothing to do with the love triangle 😭

God I remember hating this famous ninja thing

Theres was so much second hand embarrassment I had to endure, and now I have to do it all over again

So much unneeded drama

Like yeah, i want the ninja to have recognition, but I dont want them to become popstars 💀

just for them to be appreciated for doing their JOBS

Cole got so giddy learning he can disappear :)

Jay and Zane have weekly chess game nights its canon because I said so

I love happy Cole, yes, your a ghost but your living your best life, LIKE YOU SHOULD.

Cole: remember back in the tomb of the first spinjitzu master? When we all saw the reflections of out future selves?

Cole: When I couldnt see anything, it wasnt because I was a goner! It was because I could disappear!!! (Strikes a pose and disappears) :D

Jay: ohhhh then why dont you make like a ghost and VANISH. 🙄

Hhfkdndjfnd

Be nicer to him Jay 😭

Zane: you still havent told him about the reflection of you and nya, have you?

Jay: And ruin our friendship? No thanks.

I can promise you, Cole couldnt give two shits about having a romantic relationship with Nya. Nonetheless FIGHT you over it

Jay: Either way, she made up her mind. Its just, seeing us together, its all I can think about.

Damn.

Honestly, Nyas anger directed towards Jay is completely valid. If I was perceived by the media as merely an object or prize to be won I’d be fuming.

Its so funny that Kai is all about this ‘fame’ thing. Being the poster board face for lego ninjago at the beginning and having the most merchandise

CLOUSE!

I love reoccurring characters even if Clouse is a little bitch

Misako: They’re growing up…

Wu: Yes, but I like to think ninjago would fall apart without us.

Valid.

its nice to feel wanted

Nya: Are you sending out a CHIRP?!?!?

Kai: UH, my followers have wants too!!!!

KAI GODDAMMIT.

Purple ninja my beloved

I love little kids helping the ninja its my favorite thing

Nya: how long did it take you to make that gi?

Purple ninja: when youve broken both your legs, you have a lot of time on your hands 😊 (slams into an exit door)

Wait wait wait wait

THIS is the rooftop. THE ROOFTOP WHERE JAYA HAPPENS!!!!

Jay: We’re a team! We stick together!

Nya: thanks. But i can stick up for myself.

Cole: He was just trying to be nice 😒

Jay: Dont worry! Its just our ‘first fight’ :)

JAY. CMON DUDE.

Nyas allowed to be stingy but dont take it out on Jay 😭

Coles literally telling Nya to take Jays hand hes had enough of this bullshit 💀

Doesn’t clouse get screwed over by this genie?

Ah, excuse me. Djinn.

I forgot how Cole turns human again but if its anything like Clouses traumatically painful cries of agony then maybe he should stay a ghost…

Kais figurines are actually really cute.

Zane and Lloyd: No traces of clouse…

Yeah bc hes fucking dead

Its common knowledge now that ninjago is one of the 16 realms??? Like citizens know??? That would drive me absolutely insane.

Nadakhan: Delara died?!?

Cyrus borg as the infobot: died, expired, rot, tint, kicked the bucket-

Hfjsbfjsntbr

Cyrus borg: I cant tell you where the realm crystal is! But i can tell you who has it! And where THEY are!

Me: 😐😑😐

Man in stiix: No one here cares for them fruit-colored ninja.

Cole: Um! 🤨 excuse me 😠 what fruit is black 🙄

Jay: blackberries?

Cole:

Cole: shut it jay.

SO THIS IS WHEN THEYRE ALL SEEN AS CRIMINALS

But wtf does nadakhan have to do with this? Can he do illusions or some shit?

NOOOO NOT JAYS PARENTS STOP

I feel like my soul was ripped out at how sad they looked

Nya comforting Jay after he sees his disappointed parents 🥹

Chief: the ninja are at large, they are armed and dangerous. And—and. (Squinting at his script) they have, legs?

Chief: Call law enforcement so we can apprehend them.

Zane, dialing law enforcement: Hello? Law enforcement?

Lloyd: Zanewhatareyoudoing-

Zane: I am programmed to obey the law 🤨 I need to tell them our location.

Stiix citizens: arent you all those ninjas?

Jay: HAHA! Nope! We’re that other group that has a nindroid, a ghost, and a girl…

hfjsjfndjsdhdisnr

Kai: six against six, at least its an even number.

Lloyd: were not gonna fight citizens KAI.

Kai: … dammit…

Jay: how are we supposed to fight back??!?!? Witty banter!?!?!?!

Zane: Statistically your witty banter usually gets us into more trouble 😄

Love how Coles hoodie makes him look more ghostly

Awwwwww nya allowed jay to help her

Theyre growing :)

People of stiix calling them the fruit-colored ninja is the greatest thing

If Lego had the balls they’d call them the fruity ninja

THE CHIEF GOT MISAKO?!?!?

RONIN.

THE NINJA TRUSTED YOU YOU ASSHOLE

This is actually so interesting, i remember the ninja being framed for crimes but I forgot it was this season. And right after they were famous and beloved nonetheless.

Wait is Wu inside Djinns bottle??? Like Clouse???

Misakos so smart she already knows who nadakhan is 😌

Okay but WHY dont they believe misako and the ninja

Like is it THAT hard to believe that a past enemy the ninja defeated can create illusions, and might want revenge????

Do the police legitimately believe, the ninja, known for being stealthy and cunning, are just gonna GIVE their status on social media?????

I guess a clues a clue right

Man they dont give Nya ANY credit. That was obviously her bracelet on the rat too. It was HER plan. Not Kais 😒

Jay. Ik your not this stupid. Nya just said a djinn is bad news. Trust your future girlfriend on this one buddy.

Jay: I know from my reflection that we end up together! Maybe a wish is how!

I mean… hes not wrong.

Lloyd: then we’ll find Djinn in pairs so he cant pick us off.

Jay: (immediately goes to Nyas side with a huge smile)

Cole (popping out of nowhere): Yeah yeah! And Jay and I can look for clues at the scene of the crime where he framed us!

Cole: What do you say buddy, just like old times?

Jay: haha sweeeeeet. Who doesnt like old times 🙃

Kai and Nya: sibling team

Jay and Cole: Bruise team

Lloyd and Zane: actually-get-shit-done team

RONIN YOU ASS

I refuse to believe ronins smart enough to hack into Zanes system.

This must be so scary for Lloyd to just watch his friend go braindead

Dont-mention-Nya-every-time-your-on-screen challenge. Try it out Ronin.

He sucks so much.

Hes a cool villain though.

Ronins really catching them all like pokemon huh

Jay: its the amusement park! So many fond memories. Thats where I unlocked my true potential! Oh oh! And theres where Nya and I had out first date. I bet we’ll laugh about this in the future :)

Cole: ?

Jay: I meaaaaaan, why would she laugh about that! She hates me. 😀

Your giving yourself away Jay

Cole: The djinn can shape-shift! He could be anybody!

Jay: 😨

Jay:

Jay: (sticks his hand through ghost Cole)

Cole:…

Cole: seriously?

Jay: just needed to make sure 😊

RONIN.

Cole after hearing his friends are all captured:

Jay, at ronin: HA! You think u can electrically tie the master of lightning!

Ronin, pointing a cannon gun: Yeah but are you the master of kabloowey 🤨

Cole: You cant see me!!! Im a ghost! Am i here? Or over here!?!? HAHAHA

Ronin: I have thermal vision Cole. 😐

Cole: you do…? (Gets captured)

Ronin really DID catch them all…

The chief: Ninjago is safe once again!

I hope the chief gets fired.

#ninjago #lego ninjago #Rewatching Ninjago

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