#look at him he’s a capybara

[jellyskink]

i wanna put him in a warm bowl of. soup. for his bones.:)

He doesn’t care if this is now essentially brothy bath water. He’s drinking the soup under there. This is the most content he’s been in years

[esteemed-excellency]

The Disgruntled Butler was the first character I came up with for the party story. I don't know when I'll be able to keep writing it, so here's the first character art and some info

He worked for the Cheery Man back in the day, and after his death he tried to find an honest job because the henchmen scene became saturated by all the people who attempted to fill the power vacuum. Finding an honest job was harder than he thought, because his main character trait is not giving a single fuck about anything ever, which is great if you're a villainous crook, but it can prove difficult to pass off as a charming trait in a job interview.

No one wanted to hire him so he went to the only person who could easily get him solid fake credentials: that creep who was present at the Cheery Man's death. He was ready to ask for a favour, but he found out that Hiram needed a butler. No one really wants to work for a person who regularly sets his study on fire (Hiram was still in the process of moving his correspondence texts to the laboratory), and who might come home smeared in blood at any given moment. No one from an honest background at least.

He was a little skeptical at first because the pay was too good, and he asked Hiram what exact services were needed, with the experienced insight of someone used to cover up murders for a living. But no extra shady services were needed. After a week spent carefully moving correspondence plates from desk to desk, trying to understand why he began to get so many deja-vus all of a sudden, organising a ridiculous amount of parties, having his soul complimented on by multiple devils, and almost ending up lost in a mirror and possessed, he understood why the pay was so good. But he also knew that no matter what happened, as long as the house was running smoothly, nothing else was his problem. Exceedingly chaotic soirées? Not his problem, as long as the catering is on time. The constables storming in to arrest his employer? It happenes to the best of us. All that scandal? He couldn't care less. A bloodied knife on the floor? Business as usual. He silently judges everything and everyone, though.

He seems permanently annoyed and disgruntled, but that's just his resting face. His blunt manners prompted multiple people to ask him if he's soulless too, but no, he's just unfazed by chaos. He ended up befriending all the urchins who regularly visit the attic, and he considers them family. The only real problem he has to deal with is Hiram, who always manages to bring home all kinds of hazardous items, but he's used to it. The pay is so good for a reason. And he's very good at his job.

[chlotual]

glen powell scares me

[bluedesertbruja]

odyssey au where it’s just odysseus and the capybara fm the movie ‘flow’ (2024) as his second in command.

[papayadays]

spanish or vanish

author's note: this smau wouldn't be possible without the help of @spiderbeam! eve helped me with the spanish to make it accurate and helped with some concepts, so thank you so much eve!! 🫶

liked by alex_albon, bizarrap, and 13,506 more

francolapinto sobre duolingo: no es lo que parece, posta (about duolingo: it's not what it looks like)

bizarrap 🤔

user13 what do you know??

francolapinto 🤨

alex_albon mate…

francolapinto mate? i love to drink mate

user14 he’s so unserious 💀

user15 aww that capybara stickers are cute

user16 he’s probably calling the duolingo owl

user17 pls 😭

user18 it is what it looks like: your spanish is rusty

user19 que paso?

yourusername posted a private story!

caption: my favorite place <3

francolapinto you went on una cita with me 🤭

yourusername yes i know franco

francolapinto but why post if no one else knows it’s with me

yourbestie duolingo? good thing you posted this on private

yourusername i know, fans online would’ve figured it out in minutes

liked by yourusername, bizarrap, and 32,593 others

francolapinto es su cuenta de duolingo (it's her duolingo account)

yourusername 🫶 liked by author

user20 FRANCO HAS A GIRLFRIEND? SINCE WHEN?

user21 and the fact he’s successfully hidden it too

user22 omg it’s one of his engineers? that’s so cute

user23 straight out of a novel fr

user24 no one talk to me right now

user25 🎶that should be me🎶

user26 so… is no one going to talk about how it wasn’t franco learning duolingo?

user27 we might have made a mistake

user28 mis padres 😍

user29 still processing tbh

liked by francolapinto, williamsracing, and 24,851 more

yourusername since franco won’t elaborate: so i’m currently learning spanish on duolingo but i’m busy during race weeks so i ask franco to do my lessons since it’s obviously really easy for him to keep my streak alive. happy five months i suppose! 🤭

francolapinto te amo 😍

user30 he’s so down bad lmao

user31 girl was dedicated to her streak i gotta respect that 😭

user32 in the words of duolingo, it’s either spanish or vanish

williamsracing we feel like duolingo should be the least of your concerns during race weekened

user33 damn okay williams

user34 she learned spanish for him 🥹

user35 your honor i love them

user36 FIVE MONTHS??? QUE???

user37 insane how they’ve been keeping this from us

[dollishmehrayan]

# “SUDDENLY I SEE, THIS IS WHAT I WANNA BE” ── .✦ ( batboys w a zoologist/someone who’s very passionate about animals!reader ⋆౨ৎ )

dollish note ⋆౨ৎ: okay so this was a request by anon (here) and alsoo I’ve been like kinda gone as like much as I said I’d be back in march I thought that my days like have this gap in them where I can write for you guys so I thought why not entertain + carry my life yk? Anywayss enjoy ! <3 tags: (batboys x fem!reader)

© dollishmehrayan — ( all rights reserved to me. These works cannot be reposted, translated, or modified. Thank you for understanding dollies! )

DICK GRAYSON ── .✦

The Supportive Golden Retriever Boyfriend™

Dick absolutely adores how passionate you are about animals. He finds it so endearing that you can go on a 20-minute tangent about why capybaras are the ultimate chill kings of the animal world literally (we love a supportive king 💪)

He’ll sit there, chin propped in his hand, watching you with literal heart eyes as you explain fun animal facts. "Did you know that sea otters hold hands while they sleep so they don’t drift apart??”, he just responds with: "Babe, that’s literally us."

When you take him to the zoo, he’s your number-one cheerleader. He’s the guy hyping you up when you go full National Geographic mode. "Damn, look at my girl go! Bet the zookeepers are taking notes."

But also… chaos. You tell him about a random animal, and the next day, you get a text:

Dick: Babe, can we get a capybara?

You: No???

Dick: I already named him Carl. (Bad at name giving)

100% buys you animal plushies. You say you love red pandas? Boom. He’s bringing you a giant red panda plush the size of a toddler.

If he catches you watching animal documentaries at 2 AM, he will absolutely join in. You both end up getting emotionally attached to some random meerkat family.

JASON TODD ── .✦

The “Pretends Not To Care But Absolutely Does” Boyfriend

At first, he acts like it’s no big deal. You start talking about octopus intelligence, and he’s like, “Yeah, cool.” But then he’s actually listening.

You’ll randomly hear him drop animal facts he learned from you in casual conversation. "Did you know crows can recognize human faces?" And then he just walks away like he didn’t just absorb your entire personality.

You try to take him to the zoo. He acts reluctant. "Babe, I’m too old for this." But the second he sees the wolves? Yeah, he’s standing there for 20 minutes, fully invested.

Secretly loves big cats. If a tiger so much as looks at him, he’s like, “Yeah, that’s my guy, he fw me.”

Jason will 100% fake annoyance when you go on animal rants, but he’d never actually tell you to stop. He’ll just shake his head, smirking. "Babe, you’re literally an unpaid Discovery Channel host."

But if anyone ELSE tries to make fun of your animal obsession? Oh, he’s fighting them. "What, you don’t think learning about the mating habits of penguins isn’t interesting? You go right out the door before I drag you to it.”

TIM DRAKE ── .✦

The “Actually, This Is Fascinating” Nerd Boyfriend

Tim is so invested in your knowledge. He treats every animal fact you tell him like it’s groundbreaking news.

"Wait, wait, explain how ants communicate again?" You blink. "Tim, I’ve told you this three times." "Yeah, but I need to visualize it properly."

Will absolutely go down research rabbit holes just so he can talk to you about animals on your level. You wake up to a text at 3 AM:

Tim: So technically, a shrimp can punch as fast as a bullet?

You think he’s tired when you take him to the zoo? Nope. He’s taking notes. He will challenge the tour guide with additional facts.

If you’re working on any zoology projects, he’s your biggest supporter. Need funding for animal conservation? He’s pulling Wayne Enterprises money and some drake money too.

One time, you found him watching bird videos for fun. When you called him out, he just said, "They're cool, okay?"

DAMIAN WAYNE ── .✦

The “Of Course, My Beloved” Boyfriend

Listen. This is his dream relationship. Animals? Passion for them? You’re his soulmate LOCKEDDD INNNNN.

Will literally test you. "What do you know about Tibetan mastiffs?" If you pass? Immediate respect. If you don’t? "Tt. I will educate you."

You and him are unstoppable in animal debates. No one dares question your combined knowledge. Someone tries to say "cats don’t have feelings"? You and Damian tag-team destroy them.

You 100% have “who loves animals more” competitions. "I saved a hawk yesterday." "Tt. I rehabilitated a stray cat." "I named a baby goat after you." "...Beloved."

Dates? Animal sanctuaries. Zoos. Wildlife reserves. This man is taking you on the most eco-friendly, animal-filled dates ever.

One time, you found him talking to a cow. You swear it understood him. (Batcow ofc 🙂‍↕️)

BRUCE WAYNE ── .✦

Very thoughtful husband

Secretly impressed by your knowledge. You caught him actually listening when you explained how dolphins have names for each other.

Would 100% fund a wildlife conservation project just because you’re passionate about it.

(Fuck this man fr I don’t have ideas for him🥲)

[cameronsbabydoll]

omgg i would love to see a blurb abt rafe taking puppy!reader to the zoo -- i feel like it'd be good for her short attention span bc theres so much to look at / do

it was your idea, the zoo — which should’ve tipped rafe off immediately that he’d be suffering.

"they have capybaras," you said, eyes wide, pulling on the sleeve of his hoodie like it was life or death. "and and and there’s a butterfly garden! and a petting zoo! and ice cream in little cups with animal faces!!"

he sighed. said nothing.

and now here he is, sunglasses low on his nose, trailing you through a maze of squawking birds and sticky children and overpriced lemonade. he’s already lost you twice — first to the flamingos (“they’re pink! like me!”), and then again because you ran full-speed toward the goats and tried to feed one your fruit snacks.

“baby,” he calls, deadpan, “you cannot bring your own snacks into the petting zoo. jesus christ.”

you turn around, giggling like it’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard, juice pouch in one hand and your free one waving him over like come on come on come on.

“they liked it,” you pout, “i think i have a goat aura.”

rafe stares.

he does not respond.

you’re bouncing again by the time you make it to the tiger enclosure, pawing at the glass with sparkly manicured nails. “he looks like you when you’re grumpy,” you say without thinking, and rafe mutters something like “you’ll be lucky if i don’t leave you here with him.”

but he still buys you the tiger plush at the gift shop.

still takes a picture of you next to the giraffes.

still lets you sit on his shoulders when you whimper about not being able to see the sea lions because “there’s too many tall people, rafe, and i’m too short.”

you eat your ice cream with your legs swinging off the picnic table bench, face and hands sticky, a little sun-dazed and smiley. he wipes your mouth for you with a napkin and mutters, “you’re such a fuckin’ mess,” even though he’s already planning to take you to the aquarium next weekend.

“i wanna adopt a penguin,” you say suddenly, eyes bright again. “can we?”

“no.”

“what if we name it after you?”

he groans. “jesus christ.”

(you’ll take that as a maybe.) 🐧💭

[amourtoken]

Hey so we've fully lost it now hope yall are ready for my downfall

TWISTERS FEATURETTE, GLEN POWELL: ALL ACCESS

[maxverstappendefender]

ain't no love in oklahoma // op81 smau

description: twisters actress!reader x op81 but lando is convinced oscar is lying (from request)

a/n: sorry for being completely inactive. life happened and it didn't happen in a good way! i have a huge exam coming up soon so i will most likely still be inactive besides maybe a few short things here and there. anyways first oscar fic so enjoy! all pics found on pinterest, i don't own any

a/n pt2: might do something fun for each day in october but im not sure what so send me some ideas. also might do some more headcannons/blurbs soon here!

requests: closed but feel free to send me some messages since i love talking to you guys

masterlist

liked by oscarpiastri, glenpowell, and 2,927,641 others

youruser: go see twisters!! if you don’t, you suck and you better hope you don’t get stuck in a tornado because there’s useful information in our movie

tagged: glenpowell

view all comments

oscarpiastri: proud of you!!

↳ youruser: 🧡

glenpowell: caption is so real of you

user1: doesn’t yn have a boyfriend? why is she so close to glen?

↳ user2: yes but probably because there’s limited space. yn isn’t like that

↳ oscarpiastri: exactly what user2 said

landonorris: cute!

↳ user3: what are you doing here??

↳ user4: lando in the comments?

user5: such a good movie

user6: yn + glen = power duo

liked by youruser, landonorris, and 3,951,750 others

oscarpiastri: proud boyfriend award goes to me 🏆 thx for all the bts selfies

tagged: youruser, glenpowell

view all comments

landonorris: i just laughed out loud

landonorris: “boyfriend” lmaooo

↳ user7: i cant tell if he’s joking or serious

user8: cutest couple ever

glenpowell: aww so glad you remembered the time you took me to the aquarium, what a romantic!

↳ youruser: get your own boyfriend capybara

↳ user9: yn CLOCKED him

// lando’s phone//

//

liked by mclaren, oscarpiastri, and 4,027,835 others

landonorris: POLE BABYYYY!!! everyone ignore my teammates instagram posts, i have told him to stop. i think he took a hit to the head or something

view all comments

oscarpiastri: do you want to go to the farm or not?

↳ landonorris: you already said i could go so no take backs

↳ user10: lando is going to yn's farm??

↳ user11: LANDO'S MEETING YN?!

↳ user12: oh i know he's going to fangirl so hard

user13: get me someone who looks at me the way oscar looks at lando

↳ user14: are we sure that they aren't the ones dating?

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 3,017,426 others

youruser: back home finally! pic 1: yeehaw. pic 2: my cat cora had her babies!!! pic 3: dinner date :)

tagged: oscarpiastri

view all comments

user15: CORA HAD HER KITTIES

↳ youruser: i am officially a grandma. i feel the gray hairs coming in now

user16: oscar and yn are endgame

oscarpiastri: the best company

↳ landonorris: STOP, idk how you got her in on this joke either

↳ user16: i can't tell if lando knows they are actually dating and is joking or if he truly does not believe oscar

user17: boyfriend is back on the feed!

↳ user18: farmer yn is back on the feed!

glenpowell: miss you lady

↳ youruser: you miss my animals more

↳ glenpowell: and what about it.

liked by youruser, oscarpiastri, and 4,209,384 others

landonorris: OMG HE WASN'T LYING i got to feed so many animals, got to channel my inner cowboy, AND get drunk with the yn? i can die a happy man

tagged: youruser

view all comments

oscarpiastri: believe me now?

↳ landonorris: never doubted you

↳ user19: lando seriously didn't believe oscar lol

↳ user20: i fully thought he was joking the entire time

user21: how hard did you fangirl to meet yn, lando?

↳ landonorris: surprised i didn't pass out honestly. i facetimed GLEN POWELL

youruser: so glad you had a fun time!!

liked by youruser, landonorris, and 3,298,361 others

oscarpiastri: everyone clear that this is my girlfriend?

tagged: youruser

view all comments

user22: sassy oscar

↳ user23: channeling his inner lando

landonorris: yes sir 🫡

↳ oscarpiastri: stop being weird ?

youruser: MY MANNNNN

↳ user24: oh she's in deep

user25: there is one thing oscar doesn't play about in life: yn

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 4,208,763 others

youruser: didn't even know there was confusion that this was my boyfriend lol

tagged: oscarpiastri

view all comments

landonorris: how was i meant to know?!

↳ user26: literally how everyone else knew, instagram.

glenpowell: yn stop posting pics of me and my boyfriend and acting like he's yours

↳ youruser: i dont like this joke.

↳ oscarpiastri: bromance or whatever

↳ user27: they're in a throuple

↳ youruser: ew

↳ glenpowell: disgusting

↳ oscarpiastri: huhhh

user28: couple goals forever and ever

user29: if they don't get married... love isn't real

[kxsagi]

Hii! I was wondering if u could make a headcanon where the reader loves animals soo much. She lives for them, and she pets and loves every animal they see. I request this because i also have 2 dogs and wonder what the BL boys react to it. You can take your time. There's no need to rush it. Love you ! 💕🫶

“𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐲”

a/n: thank you!!! this req was so cute hehe

ft. isagi yoichi, shidou ryusei, nagi seishiro, mikage reo, karasu tabito, itoshi sae, itoshi rin, kaiser michael

isagi yoichi

he’s trying to act chill but you’re scaring him a little. 

you once stopped mid-date to sprint across the street just to feed a stray cat half of your sandwich. didn’t even look both ways. isagi had to full sprint after you like, “do you have a death wish over this orange furball???” 

when you made eye contact with a pigeon and whispered “his name is kimie,” he just stood there like: 🤨 who the hell is kimie. 

he tries to be supportive, but you have a habit of inviting animals to follow you home. like literally. one time you whistled at a duck and it waddled behind you for two blocks. isagi was horrified. 

“love… we can’t keep bringing wildlife into my apartment. that’s a feral possum.” and you’re like “his name is scrunkle, he’s misunderstood 🥺” 

he downloaded one of those animal recognition apps just so he can keep up when you start going “awww it’s a red-footed tortoise!! 🥹 hi baby!!!” 

he’ll never admit it, but he’s memorized your favorite animals so he can point them out first like “oh look! a calico cat! you love those right???” (he gets so proud of himself when you squeal.) 

shidou ryusei

your obsession feeds his chaos. 

he enables you. full chaos gremlin co-pilot. you say “look, a frog!!” and he’s already elbow-deep in a pond tryna catch it for you. 

“babe, i dare you to kiss that lizard.” “bet.” now you’ve got salmonella and he’s proud of it. 

he’ll fight a goose for you. literally. one hissed at you and he squared up like, “you tryna die today, duck bitch?” 

tried to gift you a ferret once. not adopt. gift. like surprise! here's a wriggling tube of energy in a shoebox. 

calls every animal “little freak” with affection. “look at this funky little freak, you love him huh?” (you do.) 

got banned from one zoo and three petting farms with you. worth it. 

nagi seishiro

he’s just along for the ride and slightly concerned. 

thinks all animals are kinda cool but also “... do we have to stop for every single one?” 

you once spent 15 minutes cooing at a group of baby ducks while he stood there like 🧍just waiting. almost fell asleep standing. 

holds your bag while you pet stray cats like a supportive husband. 

doesn’t know animal names though. “what’s that one?” “that’s a capybara.” “capy-yabba-dabba-doo? capybarnya?” 

when you showed him videos of otters holding hands he got a little too into it and now watches animal tik toks at 3 AM. he’s obsessed with capybaras now. thinks they’re his spirit animal. 

calls every cat “meow-meow.” no matter what. tuxedo cat? “meow-meow.” panther? “big meow-meow.” 

mikage reo

he’s rich but unprepared for your zookeeper tendencies. 

this man has never been around a dirty animal in his life. so the first time you pet a muddy stray dog and squealed, “baby!!!! look at his little face!!!!” he genuinely short-circuited. 

“babe, that thing hasn’t bathed since the ice age.” “then i’ll bathe him 🥹” 

you once made reo stop the car because you saw a turtle trying to cross the road. he thought it was a bag. now he triple-checks for moving bumps on the road. 

hired a private vet to check on the stray cat you fed once. didn’t even tell you. just pulled up like, “don’t worry, the cat’s got his shots now.” 

bought you a giant plush of every animal you’ve ever said “i love him” to. now your room looks like a jungle-themed museum. 

asked you seriously once, “... you wouldn’t leave me for a panda, right?” (you didn’t answer fast enough.) 

karasu tabito

you are his 13th reason, but he’s smiling through it. 

“babe, you cannot pet every dog on this street–” (you’re already gone, crouched next to a chihuahua in a sweater named sundae.) 

every walk turns into a rescue mission. “that bird looks sad.” “he just blinked, babe.” 

you once cried because you saw a video of a baby elephant hugging its caretaker and karasu had to pull over like “are you GOOD??” 

he sends you cursed photos of animals and says “this is u.” you reply “thank u 🥰” every time. 

jokingly bought you a “pet psychic starter kit” for your birthday. now you use it seriously. “his name is bartholomew and he said he had a hard childhood.” 

“you are one squirrel away from adopting a raccoon and naming it rocket.” (too late. you already did.) 

itoshi sae

why is she like this and why does he find it cute. 

he’s a minimalist. sleek, expensive, low-effort lifestyle. you? sobbing over worms on rainy sidewalks and moving them to safety. 

“you named a bee?” “yeah his name was sir buzzington.” he just blinks at you like you're the strangest thing he's ever loved. 

he pretends to be annoyed when you stop to pet dogs, but he’s the one taking secret photos of you cuddling them and setting it as his lock screen. 

lowkey jealous of a hedgehog you follow on instagram. “why does it get more likes than me.” “because he wears hats.” 

you once tried to sneak a frog into your luggage after a trip. he found it and just sighed, “at least name it something cool.” (you named it steve after the minecraft character.) 

doesn’t say much about your obsession, but he’ll deadpan “i saw a cool bird today. reminded me of you.” and that’s the highest compliment he can give. 

itoshi rin

he didn’t sign up for this but he’s unfortunately in love with you anyway. 

“don’t touch that–” too late. you’ve already crouched on the sidewalk whispering, “you’re the cutest baby bug i’ve ever seen.” 

rin genuinely doesn’t understand how you don’t fear rabies. or fleas. or death. “that raccoon looks like it pays taxes and has committed arson.” “okay, but he’s kind of cute tho???” 

when you start cooing at animals in a baby voice, he just stands next to you like an emotionally numb bodyguard. people think you hired him to protect you while you rescue worms. 

once walked into the room and caught you making kissy noises at a youtube video of a sea lion. just turned around and left. 

he doesn’t get it. he doesn’t get it. but one day you cried over a documentary about rescued baby bats and he panicked and bought you bat plushies from six different websites. 

now has a favorite neighborhood cat (he says he doesn’t, but he feeds it and mutters “sup, whiskers” every time he sees it. you saw. you never let it go.) 

you made him hold a ferret once and he looked like he was holding raw uranium. but now when you’re not looking, he googles “what do ferrets eat + do they bite.” 

kaiser michael

he acts disgusted, but he’s already naming the ducklings, too. 

the first time you stopped mid-sentence and sprinted to pet a dog, he flinched like you’d been shot. “IS THIS A MEDICAL EMERGENCY??” “no look at her little tail wag 🥹” 

scoffed so hard when you said “i wanna pet every animal in the world.” and then you saw a squirrel with a fluffy tail and he went quiet like “… okay, that one is kinda cute.” 

“don’t bring that street cat into my house.” two weeks later, he’s feeding it tuna and calling it ‘sir fluffsworth.’ 

pretends to be allergic just so he doesn’t have to chase after you every time you see a dog in a sweater. lies crumbles quickly when you accuse him of faking it to get out of pet store dates. (“okay fine, i’m not allergic but i don’t wanna spend €85 on a fish that looks like wet spaghetti.”) 

once tried to impress you by pointing out a hawk in the sky but it was a drone. he blamed the lighting. 

swears he’s “not a cat person,” but you left him alone for five minutes with a kitten and came back to find them cuddling and him whispering “you’re my special little guy aren’t you.” 

100% has a folder in his phone of animal pics you’ve taken. zooms in on them when he’s in a bad mood. pretends he’s not soft. fails miserably. 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

[meracyn]

Hello 🤗 your writing style is so cute and fun to read lol i like your energy :) can i request more kokichi hc? It's ok if not!

͟͟͞͞꒰➳ mischief !

synopsis kokichi, ever so unpredictable with his antics. despite being carefree, he’s still loyal when it comes to you. showing it through his usual mischievous ways, of course. warnings cursing, crack, messing with food? if thats a warning author’s notes thank you anon, it means sm to me <3 and its here!!

let’s continue with these, like we all know;

little shit

kokichi is the type of boyfriend to steal your things randomly

one day you have lots of snacks and sweets stocked up in a hidden place

next day there’s either wrappers or nothing 😭

just whoosh, all gone

when you ask him about it he gets all defensive

“what? me? stealing your snacks?? i would NEVER” like mf who else would it be ☠️

literal drama queen

likes to call you over and when you arrive, the little shit is nowhere to be found

“Y/NNNNN” kokichi screams, “COME OVER ITS IMPORTANT” he yells

once you get there, the stick isnt there

“kokichi where the hell are you”

no answer

“bOO” — jumps on your back, making you both fall on the floor

“you’re so weak, im not even heavy and you still made us fall”

“mf you weigh more than two capybaras combined what are you on about”

i just imagine kokichi as “boy who cried wolf”💀

loves scaring you and stealing your things idk what his deal is but you chose him, cant be complaining now 😭 gl tho

most likely the type to copy off your answers in a test or homework when he’s feeling too lazy to study

if someone tries to hit on you in front of him, kokichi would probably scare them off by threatening to send his gang after them, makes it sound so realistic too somehow

“the supreme leader deserves the best after all”

mf WHERE

kokichis text can be from spamming memes to shit like “watch out tonight.....” or “make sure to close ur door..”

likes pissing you off all the time but there are moments where hes actually sweet to you, but its rare

the type to spill hot sauce in your food or make it very salty when you aren’t looking

dont trust your food with this guy he will take it as a sign of you letting him mess with it

idk if this really fits kokichi but if you’re ever tired and want to take a nap, put on a crime movie and he’ll be distracted for a while, like some little kid lmao

[linskywords]

Key takeaways from the WillMack podcast episode so far:

Omg I can't tell these boys' voice apart. How dare they both be boys of a certain age and why can't one of them have more of an accent

However, I did manage to suss out that Mack punched a hole in Will's windshield because Will was taking too long getting new golf clubs?? And then Mack just, like, not having another side of the story. They both agree that's what happened. Though Mack does maintain that Will's windshield was fundamentally unsafe for cracking that easily.

Also he refused to apologize because he was going to pay for it.

Their favorite song is Pony.

By Ginuwine.

From Magic Mike.

At least that's how they introduce it.

Will HAS A DANCE TO THIS.

Neither of them could remember the words to it on the air. (Or so they said.)

They think the idea of wearing each other's suits is gross. Not, like, weird, or they wouldn't fit, but gross. Cooties, probably.

They never go out to dinner without each other, unless they have family in town.

They do, however, get tragically separated on the road sometimes if other guys are called up. This resulted in Mack missing out on the best hotel cookies, which were in Fort Lauderdale. They bravely took this in stride.

Mack (probably) was quiet when they first met at rookie camp, but he opened up quick.

They think Cat and Toff can't take a joke. It's possible they're actually joking a lot more of the time than it seems and they're just really deadpan about it.

Mack thinks Will looks like a donkey, which seems fairly accurate.

Will thinks Mack looks like a parrot, which is completely wrong. Mack is obviously a capybara.

They go to coffee shops to people watch (but it's not weird!!) either once a month or every other day. Unfortunately due to my voice blindness I don't know who was making which claim.

It may have been Toff who suggested that if WillMack moves in with him, Cat will have to leave. Toff begs to differ.

WillMack is going to discuss living arrangements for next year after the end of the season. That has now happened, presumably. We need them to go on another podcast so we can find out what happened.

I'm sure I have forgotten many magical moments. Please remind me at your leisure!

[unsuperingyournatural]

crowd control

Pedro Pascal x Actress!Reader

masterlist

The quiet hum of the city filters in through a cracked window. Streetlights stretch shadows across the hardwood floors, and somewhere, the fridge hums to itself like it doesn’t know it’s the middle of the night.

You wake up alone. The bed is warm but empty, the blankets pulled slightly askew where he’d been.

Groggy and half-dreaming, you shuffle out into the hallway, rubbing at your eyes with the back of your hand. A blanket clings to your shoulders, wrapped around you like a cape.

He’s in the living room.

Sitting on the couch, hair tousled, glasses slipping a little down his nose. His laptop is open on his thighs, the screen casting a soft blue glow over his face. He doesn’t notice you right away, too lost in whatever he’s reading. Or rewriting. Or overthinking.

You blink slowly. “Hey,” you whisper, voice still thick with sleep.

Pedro looks up, startled for a second. Then his eyes soften. “Shit. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t,” you say, adjusting the blanket and padding toward him. “But you’re not in bed, which is suspicious.”

He huffs a breath, closes the laptop. “Just couldn’t sleep.”

You lower yourself beside him, curling your knees up, the blanket tugged tighter around you both like you’re trying to make him warm by osmosis.

“Brain being loud?” you murmur, echoing something you’ve asked before.

He nods without looking at you. “Yeah.”

You lean your head on his shoulder, eyes still half-closed. “Wanna talk about it, or want me to distract you with dumb facts about capybaras again?”

That earns a quiet laugh. Small, but real. “Tempting.”

Your voice is soft and dry. “They’re basically giant guinea pigs who hang out with crocodiles. I have more.”

Pedro finally turns his head toward you. His expression is tired, but there’s a kind of fondness behind his glasses. Something a little awestruck, like he doesn’t understand how you always find him right when he needs it.

“It’s just… everything,” he says after a beat. “Work, press stuff, wondering if I’m saying the right things. If I’m enough for all this. If I’m enough for—”

He stops himself. Doesn’t need to finish. You know.

You slide your hand under the hoodie, resting your palm against the center of his chest. “You don’t have to earn anything with me,” you murmur. “Just be here.”

He closes his eyes. Breathes. Then, quieter: “You make it quiet. In my head. You always do.”

You press a kiss to his shoulder, your words barely audible against the fabric of his hoodie. “Then let me stay. I’m good at crowd control.”

Pedro wraps an arm around you, pulling you into his side. The laptop stays forgotten. Your blanket slips a little as he kisses your temple and says, “You’re good at a lot of things, actually.”

You yawn in response. “Like what?”

“Ruining me,” he murmurs, almost like a secret. “But in the nicest way.”

You don’t answer. Just nuzzle into his shoulder and close your eyes again, already halfway back to sleep.

He stays right there.

One hand smoothing over your arm beneath the blanket, the other resting idle on the curve of your knee like his body’s memorized the shape of you. The laptop hums faintly in the background, but he doesn’t move to reopen it. Doesn’t need to.

For once, the noise upstairs has quieted. The questions, the doubt, the thousand ways he thinks he’s falling short—none of it stands a chance with your head on his shoulder and your breathing syncing to his.

“Crowd control,” he whispers, like it’s a spell.

You don’t stir.

He lets the silence stretch—safe, full, still.

And just before his own eyes drift shut, he presses a kiss to your hair and murmurs, almost to himself, “Stay forever, then.”

[lookahotman]

It is the first

Birthday boy Sylus smut

You have been warned ⚠️ : Submissive Sylus, pegging, sex 😈😈,little little choking, messy, Don't read if you believe that Sylus is a dom daddy.

It's in the MC's POV again. Sorry. Not sorry.

"April 18th."

"What?"

"My Birthday. Didn't you want to know?"

"O-oh yeah. But I didn't expect you to tell something so top secret to somebody so casually."

"You're not just somebody now are you?"

"Fair point."

"Well I have told you when it is, is there a surprise you have planned for me?"

"Uh... That you will get to know on your birthday boss man, there are still a few days to go until the 18th."

"I am looking forward to it."

He is looking forward to it.

Sylus is looking forward to the birthday surprise I planned for him.

Poor Sylus. If only he knew I haven't planned jack shit.

In my defense, I just got to know his actual birthday date, otherwise I was only following up on rumours as to when the notorious Onychinus leader could possibly be born, with everyone just knowing it's in spring, and Luke and Kieran just knowing it's in April.

Thinking about it now I could have always just asked him. Alright. My fault.

However luck was on my side as I landed upon the moments post from Tolan Wildlife park just a few hours outside of Linkon, all the animals post reminded me a lot of Sylus, so I figured: Hey! Why not spend the day here? I didn't it give it a second thought before booking tickets for the both of us and renting a van for the day, even preparing him a Lil S badge in which his chibi version is smiling, and an invitation card in a paw shape, telling him to be ready at 7:00 AM.

We spent the entire day animal watching, feeding capybaras, boating and enjoying quality time underneath the sugar maple trees after being offered free maple syrup coffee because of the birthday boy, Sylus was given numerous 'blessings' from people, animals, it was cute to watch.

At the end of all this I gave him the cake I had made for him along with the card I wrote, singing happy birthday to him and hoping, this moment of peace stays for longer and our bond remains stronger than ever.

"This was my first Birthday celebration. Thank you so much sweetie."

"It won't be the last. I plan to be there celebrate until atleast your 90th birthday." I say while looking up at him, he is practically smiling through his eyes which makes my heart flutter, The Sylus I see is much softer from the Sylus from before. And cuter ,even if he insists otherwise.

"Till my 90? Sweetie, surely you can promise me more than that." He pouts, flicking me on the forehead.

"I said atleast you idiot." I say, pinching his cheek as revenge.

Laughing and giggling, we enter the base. Satisfied with the birthday date and belly full with food and cake (I would never let lil S go hungry), we lazily sit down on his sofa, giving lovely gazes to each other in the comfortable silence, our smiles everpresent.

I break first from the staring contest to look at the clock.

"It's 9 PM, is there anything else you want to do? Sweetie?"

He stiffens up in response to my question and suddenly starts to look everywhere except my eyes, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. Contemplating.

Ah. So he does want something.

I can practically read him like an open book at this point. I go closer to him and sit on his lap, patting his chest softly before cupping his cheek so that he looks at me.

"Well? What is it? Tell me Sylus."

"I do want something from you, it's uhm..."

I am trying my best to let him overcome his hesitation but there's one thing about me. And it definitely is that I am so fucking impatient. So I grab him by the chin and squeeze it ,making his lips jut out a bit. 

"Tell me. Whatever you want. I will do it for you."

He lets out a deep sigh and kisses my forehead, only to push me aside and stand up from the sofa to walk towards his room. Fuck. Did I get make him mad somehow? But I literally said I would do anything he wanted.

Pushing the bad thoughts aside I also walk up to his room.

"Hey Sylus are you- Woah."

I am met with the delicious sight of his bare back, although I have seen it numerous times, the back muscles and that tiny slutty waist of his never fails to amaze me.

Hearing me come in he just turns his head to look at me. Doe eyes barely hiding the panic in them. And that doesn't sit right with me.

So I contain the desire to climb him like a fucking tree and approach him, slowly hugging him from behind.

"If you aren't ready to do whatever this thing is.... even if it's your wish you don't have to do it."

"Fuck sweetie I am ready and I do want to do it with you. So badly. I have wanted to for so long. I don't know how you will perceive me after I tell you my wish." He says finally all in one whisper, his hands finding their way to hold my hands that we were on his chest.

"Oh please. Try me. There is nothing, absolutely nothing you could say that will make me see you in a bad light."

I try my best to persuade him. It's his fucking birthday, he deserves to have everything he ever wants and here he is feeling all hot and bothered to just ASK me. He let go of my hands takes a deep breath, then goes to pull something from his drawer. He keeps rummaging through it for a while and before my impatient ass could chime in again, he takes out something thick and long.

Holy fuck.

Oh. My. God.

A Strap on.

A RED DILDO FUCKING STRAPPED. AND LUBE.

"I want to be pegged."

I barely take my eyes off the strap to look at Sylus, who is staring at me nervously, but then I can't help but look back at it again.

Their is a brief silence in the room, I am sorry I am left speechless ok?

Sylus breaks it first.

"You know what let's pretend you never saw this or heard anything I said ok I seriously don't -"

"OH MY GOD SYLUS!"

I don't even hear what he said and jump on him , he effortlessly grabs me by the hips and steadies himself.

"Say it again. What is your wish?"

His breathing quickens, pupils dilating as he looks at me.

"I want you to peg me."

Satisfied I kiss him square on the lips.

"Do you know for how long I have wanted you to say that?" I say giving a soft peck to his lips, unable to resist.

"Do you know how much, I have fantasized about you being under ME for once?" Another peck. Sylus gets more flustered by the second as he takes sharp breaths.

"I..... I thought I told you, to share all your kinks and bedroom fantasies with me. "

"I didn't want you think I am a freak. Besides all our 'sessions' leave me on cloud nine."

That gets a chuckle out of him and he responds with a 'me too.'

Without wasting a second one any more conversations I leap out of his embrace, hitting the floor again as I take the strap from him.

"By the time I come back, I want you stripped of all your clothes and sat on the bed, like a pretty boy, understood?" I say, hooking a finger under his chin, already in the role. His swallows a thick lump before nodding.

"Yes ma'am."

It doesn't take me long to come with the strap on attached on my waist. The dildo proudly standing in all its glory.

"That was quick, I guess you are more eager than I am." I spot Sylus, ever the tease on the centre of the bed, naked legs spread just a little in anticipation and his proud dick also standing rock hard in all its glory.

I slowly climb the bed and get a hold of his feet, dragging him down closer to me. I can hear him audibly flinch at the sudden manhandling (not really) and shy away from my gaze.

"Not you talking about eager. I just told you to lie down and you are hard already." I say grazing the head of his cock with my finger tip, his body convulses and little whine comes out of his mouth and I swear he has never looked cuter. My heart is about to burst at how adorable he is.

"H-hurry up and p-put it in hmph-" I kiss the tip earning a soft gasp from him.

"Chill sweetheart what's the rush? Have you ever done this before?"

"I have... experimented by mys-sELf.... A little.." 

Poor baby keeps trembling underneath me as I leave open mouth kisses from jawline, sharply biting on his collarbone to which he squeals. Damn. I didn't even know he could make such a noise.

Losing all my sanity like how sand leaves one's fingertips I keep kissing him lower, watching, how his blushes from to the tip of his ear till his chest. I take a nipple in my mouth and roll the other in my fingertips, low grunts and moans to be heard below me. I then give the same treatment to the other nipple. 

Sylus, my sylus, he is so perfect, taking everything I give him like an obedient pup, I wish to worship every part of his body, show him just how much love he deserves, it's probably more than anything I could ever give him in this lifetime, I would lay my heart out bare for him if he asked but right now,

Right now all I can do is cherish his body and the trust he has in me with every fibre of my being.

I chuckle lightly as I kiss him lower and reach his stomach.

"W-what's so funny?" He asks me breathlessly as he props himself up with the support of his elbows.

"Nothing. I am just so happy, happy that the beast feels safe enough with me to show his vulnerable belly. So that I get to rub it."

I say as I softly rub his tummy, watch him as he literally melts at the gesture, panting heavily from the earlier kissing and biting. I lean down to his face.

"I am the only one who gets to rub it, right?"

"Yes! Y-you're the only one. Can you stop teasing me now please please please sweetie I need you."

"Oh right! Sorry."

Deciding that he was riled up enough, the precum dripping from his cock a clear indication, I start to lube up the strap, giving him a show as he spreads his legs even more for me to fit in between them all while giving me the puppy eyes, eyebrows furrowed, and mouth swallowing the drool that was about to dribble down his lips. Shame, I would have liked that.

"It would be best to wrap your legs around me cutie." He does as told and puts his hands on either side, gripping the bedsheet tightly.

"Ready?" I ask to which he just nods eagerly. I give him a little kiss on the cheek before entering his hole.

"Haah! A-ah!! S-s ughh..." He moans loudly at the sudden intrusion while I keep peppering kisses on him, telling him it's ok.

I thrust in slowly after he calms down , soon the pain turns into pleasure for him as he demands me to keep going and faster. So bossy even in this position, but I will let it slide since it's his birthday, I would have considered putting a gag on him otherwise.

I thrust deeper and harder and then he lets out a loud groan. Eyes rolling back.

Looks like I have hit the prostate.

I always imagined what Sylus would look like with his brains blown out, but the real thing's even better.

My hands move with a mind of their own to clasp around his neck and squeeze lightly, his eyes go wide and then he whimpers, telling me to not stop, I gratefully oblige.

I keep thrusting in his hole and continue hitting his prostate until he starts panting like a dog, and his voice grows higher in pitch. Completely lost in the sounds he keeps making, I grab his dick and stroke it up and down in a fast pace, lightly flicking just to hear more of his sweet little moans, and he gives me exactly what I want.

"Cum-cumming!" He says, barely able to form words.

"Cum for me baby you're doing so good." I say unable to stop my own heavy breathing as I bite his neck, hard enough for it to bleed as he grabs the bedsheet tight enough for it to rip, and then shoots ropes of cum till it reaches his neck.

We are both left a panting mess as I collapse on his cum coated chest barely caring about the mess.

"Tired?" He asks while being dizzy himself.

"Yeah. Pounding your ass suprisingly took more effort than necessary. I am spent."

"Obviously hard work was to be expected. afteer all, it's my ass."

We both giggle at that.

As Sylus was about to get up to clean us up, I stop him.

"I will do the cleaning, you rest and bath in my love." He just smiles at me softly, his fucked out face adorable as ever.

He just hums in response probably too tired to form words, but that's enough for me as I turn around to get the shower running.

"Oh and one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Happy Birthday, Sylus."

I love him. Sylus :(

Thought I would post on the birthday but procrastinated.

[angel-of-the-moons]

Bugs in A Rug

Steven Grant x Fem!Reader

TW/CW: Fluff! Fluffy stuff! Cuteness! Nudity (somewhat) but nothing sexual. Possibly autistic!reader, implied soft-bodied Steven and Reader, self consciousness.

A/N: this came to me because I hate sleeping with clothes on because of how they make my skin feel all weird n junk so enjoy this very short blurb lol

You and Steven had been dating for a while. The two of you had your dates; you shared tea, snacks and the occasional documentary binge snuggled on your sofa.

You hadn't been intimate--nothing more than a kiss or a cuddle session--you hadn't even seen each other undressed. It's not that either of you weren't ready, per se... you were both so painfully awkward and self-conscious about it.

Poor Steven felt a little embarrassed of how soft his tummy had gotten as of late, the muscles far less defined than they used to thanks to Marc allowing him to "fatten them up", as Marc had jokingly claimed.

No matter how many times you had told him how cute and huggable it made them look, he always got so embarrassed about it. You inwardly cursed society's standards on how they pressured men to be cut like underwear models and body-building thirst traps.

But, at the same time... You felt ashamed and embarrassed about your own body. Too pudgy in the tummy, cellulite in your thick thighs, stretch marks across your delicate skin... Your breasts weren't even as perky as many other women's seemed to be. Wearing bras for long hours pained your shoulders and back and irritated your skin.

Steven caught you looking at yourself in one of his many mirrors (Marc and Jake, too, of course), looking at the soft rolls on your body, a frown crossing your sweet lips as you tugged your shirt down to hang not so tightly against you... And, just like you'd cursed social standards of beauty for men, Steven cursed them on your behalf, too. Society pressured everyone to be beautiful, to be "perfect" no matter that "perfect" was an unattainable goal mortals couldn't gain.

It wasn't easy, but you both tried to build each other up, brick by crumbling brick. Steven became more at ease with his softening physique, and you became slightly more comfortable with the angry lines crisscrossing parts of your body.

Maybe, in time, because of your shared love, you'd be comfortable enough to have sex with each other. But giving time and most definitely consent was the biggest things the two of you focused on. There was time enough to be intimate later on, what mattered more was the two of you feeling safe enough to do it. To be more than physical.

That mattered more.

Tonight, Steven was at your place. You decided it was far more comfortable to sleep in (and far less clutter to clean. Poor guy always felt sheepish of his "messy" flat.).

He placed his duffel on the chair next to your bed, and made a little "ooo" sound at how he sunk into your mattress, squishing his hand down on the comfy foam.

"Pff... I take it you approve?" You laughed sweetly at him.

"Yes, actually! 's like a big marshmallow!" He grinned at you, "I like it. I think I need to buy one... Might help the crick in my neck!"

"I got it on sale, I sleep like a baby on that thing." You smiled, your eyes twinkling in a cute, undeniably adorable way that made Steven's breath catch in his throat.

"I don't get why they say that." Steven snorted, shaking his head as he reached down to fix the top of his sock so it sat more comfortably on his calf. He was already dressed in his "pyjamas"; a t-shirt and some sweatpants, you were still dressed in your day clothes.

"Say what?" You asked.

"Sleep like a baby." He emphasized, "Babies wake up almost every two hours, I hear. Dreadful."

You snorted into your hand at his dramatic shudder, "Well, I mean..."

"Y' should say you sleep like a... a capybara, or a sloth, or something." He added, grinning when you erupted into full blown laughter.

"You're such a dork." You sigh, turning on your telly to pick some idle thing to play for background noise as you both drifted off to sleep.

Steven leaned down, remembering to grab his vapor rub--his allergies were killing him, lately--from his duffel next to your bed.

"So, I was thinking," He started as he screwed the cap off, "that tomorrow, we can head out to the--"

He nearly dropped the jar of jelly when he watched as you just--oh, so casually just--just pulled your top and bra off in one go; your soft breasts dropping free of their confines.

You gasped when he did, indeed, finally drop it, and that's when your brain kicked in.

You were home. But you weren't alone. Steven was here--and you just basically stripped in front of him!

You made an undignified noise and dropped to your knees, hiding behind the edge of your mattress to conceal yourself; your brain too embarrassed to simply tell you to pull your shirt back on.

"Oh, god!" You moaned in shame, "I--I'm sorry! I... When I get ready for bed, I--I usually... I don't sleep well when--I don't wear clothes to bed because they--they feel weird on my skin and I get hot and I--"

Steven placed the jar of vapor rub on the bed and turned, smiling at you patiently, still flushed with embarrassment.

"Love..."

"I'm sorry." You blurt, feeling a knot of anxiety lodge in your throat.

"Love, no, it's okay?" He tried, lowering his voice like he was trying to coax a scared kitten from behind a dumpster. "I understand, you're used to a routine, not used to it bein' interrupted. Your brain kind of went into autopilot, I know you didn't mean anything by it, sweet'art."

You peeked up at him, still cringing with unnecessary shame, as he continued, "Babygirl... I... You don't have to be ashamed. How about--ah! Waitaminute."

You watched as Steven awkwardly fumbled, almost tripping, really; as he pulled his shirt off, his messy curls tumbling over his forehead. He then reached down and tugged his sweatpants off, revealing boxers with cute little kittens and cups of tea on them. Calicos, black cats, tabbys...

It was so... Steven.

He still wore his calf-high fuzzy socks, the hairs on his legs poking through here and there as he grinned sheepishly at you, "There! That way, you sleep in your undies, I sleep in mine. If we're dressed the same, it's less awkward, yeah?"

Your heart squeezed in your chest at his gesture. You looked at him--and how he waited so patiently for your answer, his face a little reddened as he pushed some of his stray dark locks out of his forehead; looking at you with those adorable, wet puppy-dog eyes of his.

Finally, you move to stand, swallowing the lump in your throat as Steven watched you. His eyes weren't heavy with any intent, just pleading. Still patient, and oh so loving.

You drop your shirt and bra, turning your gaze towards the TV, waiting for something else... some sort of verbal blow that you logically knew wasn't going to come, but had come from partners in the past.

You watched him once again as he sat on your bed, his back to you as he applied the vapor rub carefully around his nostrils, and then one by one pulled his socks off to rub the jelly on his feet before putting them back on.

You felt... at ease. Happy, thankful.

You hesitantly wiggled your jeans down your legs and quickly sat down on your bed before yanking the covers up to your chin, looking at Steven as he, himself got comfy in bed.

He turned on his side to look at you, and smiled, "See? Can't say I've ever had to listen to a dress code to sleep, but..."

"You... You don't have to."

"But I want to." He insisted, "I love you, sweet'art. You always tell me to love myself, but I catch you acting the same way I do with myself towards your own body. You're gorgeous."

He reaches out to caress a knuckle down your cheek, the scent of the vapor rub clinging to his finger; the menthol making your nasal cavities tingle.

"And technically speaking.... I mean... It's sort of similar to seeing someone in their swimsuit, innit? Like, imagine I'm in my swim trunks, and you're...." His face twitched, his nose crinkling as he tried to think.

"You're wearing a bikini. And... And a seagull or something flew off with your top?"

You choke on a laugh, "A seagull? Really, Steven?"

"Hey! It's the best I could think of!" He grins, wiggling his hand beneath the blanket to poke at your tummy playfully.

"Or, maybe you undid your top to get a sun tan or... something?"

You laugh again, squirming away from his fingers as he tries to tickle you.

"You're really not uncomfortable?" You peeped.

"I could never be uncomfortable around you, babygirl." He says to you gently, his voice low and calm. "We're just going to snuggle like we do every other day, alright? That's all."

You smile, nodding.

Finally, you relent, tucking yourself against Steven, resting your head on his chest and arm over his midsection as you both sink into your plus mattress; Steven's hand idly stroking the skin of your shoulder as you both drifted off to sleep, watching the documentary you'd picked.

You didn't know why you ever feared Steven would be repulsed or nervous about your body.

And, well... his kitty cat boxers were adorable...

[nightlark100]

Alpha Pack Vs Hale Pack: Intermission

This is part of my Kevin the Demon Wolf stories but it doesn't actually feature the royal alpha of pretentiousness. It's set between part 2 (Wrath of the Capybara) and part 3 (Sassing in Silence)

Scott: Stiles, you need to let the twins go.

Stiles: Why?

Scott: Wh... you can't just keep people trapped in a toilet!

Stiles: Clearly, I can.

Scott: Stiles.

Stiles: Scott. I will let them out when they learn to be good puppies and when they apologise to Isaac. Don't worry, i'm feeding them and keeping them stimulated!

Scott: You need to get rid of the mountain ash.

Stiles: Nope. Won't.

Scott: Fine, i'll get someone else to do it.

Stiles: You can't.

Scott: Why not?

Stiles: Because the only humans who know about the ash are Alison and Lydia. And neither of them can go in there, it's the boys toilets after all.

*Scott blinks, disarmed by Stiles logic. Alison is concerned she may need to reboot her boyfriend*

Scott: look man, you can't keep antagonising the alpha pack like this. It's making life difficult for the rest of us! You should just stay out of things.

*Stiles glares*

Stiles: I will let them out when they agree to make things right. I'm not letting them think it's okay for them to traumatise Isaac because they think it's funny! And if you try to interfere, I will turn them into Chihuahuas no wait, that might actually be scarier.... I'll turn them into hamsters

*Stiles walks off. Scott watches and sighs. Alison touches his arm gently*

Alison: You know he can't actually turn them into hamsters, right?

Scott: With Stiles it's best not to assume what he can and can't do...

~~~~~~~~~~~

*Stiles is on the couch, Peter is nearby. They are watching the walking dead. Stiles is covered in blankets, he is coming down with a bad cold*

Stiles: You know, so many problems in season 2 would be solved by having just one werewolf in the group.

Peter: You're meant to be resting

Stiles: I'm serious. Think about it. Kid gets lost? Expert trackers who can find them by smell. Someone gets shot and needs to be operated on but requires really strong anaesthetic so they don't move from the pain? Werewolf pain drain. Large groups of monsters nearby? Super senses will hear them no problem!

*Stiles coughs, chest rattling*

Peter: Shush now

Stiles: freezing cold winter... werewolf snuggles...

*Peter sighs and wraps an arm around him, keeping him warm. Stiles is quiet for a bit*

Stiles: Peter? Do you think there'll ever be a zombie apocalypse?

Peter: We don't currently have one scheduled but i'll ask at the next meeting.

*Stiles snorts, falls quiet for a moment*

Stiles: Peter? Do you think I get in the way and make life difficult? Like antagonising Deucalion and locking the twins up?

Peter: Why would you think that?

Stiles: Scott...

Peter: Honestly i think that your handling of Deucalion is probably more likely to drive him off than anything we could do. And Scott is an idiot.

Stiles: thank you.

Stiles: Peter? You know a bit about magic, is there a way to turn someone into a hamster?

Peter: No.... but i know a pet shop so you can make people believe you know a way.