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thatonekawaiigirl13 · 2 months ago

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Who Said Death Was Easy? [Death Note] Chapter Fifty-nine: Love

Chapter Fifty-nine: Love

[A/N: Rip, sorry for the cliffhanger there. As promised, this story is not abandoned and it will be finished…eventually.

It’s only a matter of when, so my deepest apologies. It’s hard out here being an adult, plus my previous laptop sucked and made it super hard to write. Honestly, I had a lot of personal issues going on with my family, and that coupled with work, put me in a sort of rut. However, I’m back, trying my best, and this story is my first priority to finish. I do have plans for other stories in the future, including original ones, so stay tuned for that as well! The first part of this chapter is mostly a flashback from Keiko’s POV, a continuation of the previous chapter, so the flashback part is in italics. I hope that’s clear with the formatting, lol.

Another reminder that I do not have a beta and I do my best to edit myself, but there will be things that I miss (plus I am rusty). This is purely for fun. Thank you if you are still here reading this, I hope that you enjoy it. Please leave a comment and let me know it’s not just me rambling over here by myself, lmao.Thanks y’all for reading, again, I genuinely appreciate it!

-Stephanie]

Keiko’s POV:

The moonlight peaked through the curtain in the window, shining brightly as it lit up the darkened bedroom. Despite the lateness of the hour, Keiko was awake and alert, sitting upright on her bed. It seemed as though sleepless nights were becoming her new normal, more so than before. The thoughts that raced through her head made it hard for her to sleep, no matter how exhausted she was. Her hand mindlessly raked through her disheveled hair as she thought back to the other night with L. That scene kept replaying in her head, over and over again. Although she was alone, she could still feel her cheeks flaming at the thought of his sudden raw confession.

Embarrassment was something she was unfortunately rather familiar with, something she seemed she couldn’t run away from. Her own awkwardness aside, she honestly wasn’t sure who had been more flustered at the time. It appeared even the world’s greatest detective wasn’t immune to having messy, confusing emotions.

That’s what flustered Keiko the most; seeing L, who was usually so stone-faced, be vulnerable with her. It was rather jarring. It was rare to see him be open, to admit to his emotions, or rather, admit to even having emotions. Despite this, Keiko believed every word he had said. She suspected that last night was probably the most open he had been in years, or perhaps his entire life. He had been so open, so vulnerable, and dare she say, nervous.

Keiko had to admit, she was never sure how to deal with L, he had always been a mystery of sorts. It had to be a talent of his, confusing people and making them feel as though he could read their every thought. This was a talent that Keiko did not share. Even with his sudden confession, she still had no idea what he was thinking. It was both a blessing and a curse, something that flip flopped every few minutes.

Right now, it was a curse, and Keiko was frustrating herself with trying to understand the world’s greatest detective. She found herself once again running through their conversation. It was fresh in her mind from her constant repetition, as if it were evidence of something, as if it would give her any sort of clue.

“It’s not an ideal time, but, I suppose to be entirely transparent, I have strong feelings for you, Keiko Kagami…in fact, I think it’s safe to say, I’m in love with you…I have been for a while now.”

The world’s greatest detective is…he’s in love with me…?!!

To say Keiko was absolutely stunned would be an understatement. She had been hoping for weeks, months even, that L had felt the same way, that he had also been falling for her, and yet…she found herself at a total loss for words when it had actually happened.

This was it, the moment she had been waiting for, but still…she realized with embarrassment that she had never prepared for how to react. She was not sure how to react, what to say or what to do. Keiko wasn’t sure what L was looking for, or why exactly he chose now to let those words free. Her heart thumped away in her chest, so loud to her own ears that she was certain that L could hear it, too. The warmth of his hand, which was lightly squeezing her own, brought her back to her current reality.

As surprising as it seemed, he looked uncertain. There was an earnest, almost anxious expression on his face. For once, it was as though their roles had been reversed. He was the nervous one, or rather, he was also nervous. That was for sure. There he was, his dark eyes staring into her own, as he waited for a response. A word, a subtle movement. Anything.

Keiko looked him over, unable to hide the shock from her face, eh?! Is he…is he serious…?

His eyes, soft and vulnerable, never left her own. She searched his face for more answers, but found none, only more questions. Her fingers pressed against his own, confirming that he was in fact real; she was really experiencing this, it was not a dream or an illusion. The sudden hand movement got his attention rapt, and she remembered that she still had a voice. Sort of.

“I-I…” Keiko trailed off. She wasn’t sure where to begin. Or how to even start processing what L had just confessed. “I, um…you…you…really…?”

Wow, Keiko kicked herself, you have a way with words…but is he…?! In love?! With me…?! You mean to tell me…this is real…? Not one of my dumb dreams?

“I’m sorry.” The great detective’s voice broke through the sudden silence. His gaze was still soft, his voice almost as quiet as hers had been. It seemed he was also at a loss for words, unable to properly respond or react. Keiko supposed this made sense, he was probably just as surprised as she was at himself. Given his behavior and his body language, she could tell that he seemed genuine. There was no snark, no sneaky sarcasm, no monotone. For once, he only seemed to be full of pure, raw emotion.

It was odd, almost surreal, but Keiko had already established that this wasn’t a dream. For better or for worse, this was real life. This was her life. This was his life on the line.

Keiko’s heart did a somersault, right…his life is still…very much in danger.

“I know, Keiko. I know I’m being rather selfish right now…especially given the current circumstances,” L continued, and Keiko realized he had once again read her thoughts. “I’m not being very fair, my life is on the line, and you’ve been trying really hard…pretending really hard, to protect me. I have no right to confess to you like this…therefore, I apologize. Please pretend I didn’t say anything, if you’d like…”

Pretend?! He wants to pretend this never happened?! How? How can I go back to how I was a few minutes ago, it’s impossible. He must know that…right? He must know how crazy that sounds to me, there’s no way he means that, right?!

“L…” Keiko trailed off, unable to figure out the right words to say. She could still feel his fingers holding her own, and she was once again reminded of their close proximity to each other. A surge of electricity coursed through her veins at his touch, and she felt momentarily bold. Bold enough to speak her mind for a second, “I could never pretend…”

She paused, the moment over almost as soon as it began as she found herself speechless again. Staring into his dark eyes and thinking were two things that did not go hand in hand. Although she could not fully express herself in words, she found herself thinking that she could express herself in other ways. Ways that she should not be thinking about, not when she was technically still dating Light Yagami, pretend or not. Despite herself, she glanced over at the detective’s lips, which were entirely within kissing reach. All she wanted to do was lean over and bridge the already increasingly small gap between their bodies.

Oh no no no no. This is dangerous, Keiko Kagami. Too dangerous. It’s too hard to think clearly like this. Not when he looks so open, so vulnerable, and so kissable like that. You have to be strong, for him. Not kissing him is protecting him, remember? You’re with Light for a reason, as he said…but still…

Keiko needed a moment, or rather, several moments to collect herself. Something she simply could not do while staring into his inviting eyes or his enticing lips. It was taking all of her energy to not give in.

I can’t stay here with him…not like this…not when he’s so close. Not when he’s just confessed to me like that…I’d be too tempted…scratch that, I’m already too tempted…

She figured she should start by removing his hand from hers. Then she would slowly make her escape. However, this proved to be a rather hard feat when he squeezed even tighter onto her own hand.

“I know we shouldn’t, but…I don’t want you to go…” the detective’s voice was even softer than before, Keiko had to strain to hear it.

Had he even meant for her to hear? Was he even aware of what he was saying? This was unlike him, and she had a feeling he was holding back just as hard as she was. That thought alone made her heart pound, and she felt torn once more.

“I’m sorry…” Keiko replied, “I…”

I wasn’t expecting this…? I don’t know what to say anymore…I don’t know how to act or what to do. I don’t know whether to pull away or to give in. But I do know one thing: I love him, too. I’m in love with the world’s greatest detective. Despite the danger, despite Kira, should I tell him that? Doesn’t he already know how I feel? I suppose he does, but it’s one thing to think it and another entirely to hear it, if this conversation is any indication. Should I tell him clearly, like he just told me?

She let out a soft sigh, nonono. The danger, it’s far too dangerous. You don’t know what it could lead to…well…maybe you do know what it would lead to, but…you really can’t afford to be confessing to the world’s greatest detective right now, let alone thinking about him loving you and what that could potentially lead to. Not when he’s in grave danger. After all, you were going to leave, weren’t you? If the roles are reversed, you should be the strong one this time around, for him…For L.

“I can’t sta-I mean, er…I shouldn’t stay, even if I wan-if I want- I mean…we shouldn’t…I should go, right?” Her voice was slightly squeaky. If he somehow didn’t know she was nervous before, he definitely knew now. Keiko mentally kicked herself at her words.

Smooth move, Keiko. Way to go-oh god, he won’t think I’m rejecting him by what I just said, will he? I mean, I guess, technically I am, but I’m not…well, I don’t want to, but…but the situation…and Light-well Kira…I don’t even know anymore…even if I don’t say it, he must know I’m struggling to hold back, right? He surely knows I don’t want to do this, he must…I hope. He must know why I’m doing this…he said it himself a few minutes ago, when he told me to pretend…I hope he knows, at least. Either way, I have to stay firm in my resolve, I can’t let temptation get to me. Not when we’re this close to the end…

The detective, seemingly brought back to reality, let out a little cough as he let go of Keiko’s hand. A move that Keiko was all too familiar with, one that she pulled rather often herself. It was odd to see coming from him, especially when he was usually so sure of himself and his actions. When he usually never second guessed himself or his beliefs. His cool, confident demeanor had momentarily slipped away.

No way…there’s no way. Is he feeling…awkward?

She wondered once more what he was thinking. Again, she hoped that he didn’t take things the wrong way. She hoped that he could read in between the lines, to read that she wanted nothing more than to stay with him. To be with him. To have what she couldn’t have, especially now when time was not on their side.

Stay strong, you have to stay strong, Keiko Kagami.

“You’re right,” L’s voice rang out. It was louder now, and it had lost its initial softness, but was still gentle. His eyes gazed into hers as he drew a quick breath, “I don’t know what came over me…”

He’s really…vulnerable right now…he’s not used to letting himself feel, is he? I must be right, this must really be a rare occurrence for him. In fact, I know it’s a rare occurrence…him truly letting his guard down around me…it shows how genuine he’s being right now, how much he truly cares about me…

Keiko felt heartbroken, almost guilty, at her dismissive response. Her heart, which had been soaring mere moments ago, felt as though it had taken a deep plunge. Despite trying to do what she thought was right, what if she had been wrong? Should she have approached the situation in a different way? Without giving in to him, what else could she do?

Nono, Keiko, it’s all right. As long as he’s alive and well, it’s all right, Keiko tried to reason with herself, it’ll all be okay in the end, anyway. You’re doing this for his benefit, you’re doing this to try and stop Light…

Even so, she felt almost empty. Seeing him raw and emotional like this hurt her. All she wanted to do was lean over and physically show him how much she cared for him. To kiss him, to embrace him, to show him that he wasn’t alone in his feelings. It hurt, logically knowing that doing that would potentially hurt him, which was the last thing she wanted to do. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t right. Light Yagami shouldn’t have this much power over her, but Kira was evil. Kira would stop at nothing to see L perish. The thought made Keiko shiver and she had to keep her eyes from watering. She wasn’t sure how she felt, she was so conflicted, and seeing L like this was gnawing at her heart. Keiko averted her eyes, feeling flustered, but this time for different reasons than usual.

“It’s not your fault, Keiko…” the great detective spoke, as if seeming to realize what Keiko had been thinking. A truly uncanny ability of his once again. However, Keiko was thankful, not embarrassed, at his skills. She swallowed, listening intently as he carried on, seeming more like himself. “I apologize, Keiko Kagami. I shouldn’t have told you that, at least not right now…like I said, it isn’t fair…”

At his words, Keiko felt herself freeze once more, what does he mean by that? ‘At least not right now’? Whatever does he mean? He doesn’t regret telling me, does he? I don’t want him to regret it, not at all, but still…ugh, there’s truly not enough time to process this right now…not enough time to process anything at the moment…

Before she could wonder anymore, L continued on, “you don’t have to give me a response. I understand well enough why, I know you care about me, so please don’t worry…and you’re right, you should go…”

Keiko wasn’t sure whether she should feel upset or relieved at his words. On one hand, he was comforting her. On the other, he was telling her to go. In context, they made sense. Logically, they made sense. They both knew that it was the right thing to do. But her heart…her heart was another matter entirely…even though she knew they couldn’t be together, hearing him tell her to go was not quite how she would’ve wanted his confession to go.

Before she could process anything else, he pulled his hand away from hers. She immediately missed his warmth, but she knew better than to grab onto him, to hold him despite how much she wanted to. Despite how much she craved it. She let out a breath, trying to collect herself.

I just…he has to know how I feel, right? She met his eyes once more, and she had the feeling that he had not once looked away from her.

“L…I’m sorry…I wish…” Keiko trailed off, feeling less bold than she had before. She couldn’t bring herself to finish her sentence. Her heart, which had gone through several ups and downs in the last few minutes, was still pumping strong. She wondered if he could still hear it, if he could hear her, what she wished she could say.

“You wish things could be different?” the raven haired detective finished for her, a knowing look in his eyes, and the ghost of a smile on his lips. It was almost as though he was back to his old self. It was almost as though this conversation had never even happened. Like he was teasing her as per usual. Almost. It was enough to give Keiko some much needed relief. The guilt within her eased some, and she could let her guard down a little.

Keiko nodded, “yes.”

More than anything in the whole wide world, yes…I love you, L. I love you, too. If only I could tell you, if only I could show you…but for now, this has to do…

For a moment, Keiko felt her lips slowly curve up into a small. It was both from nerves and from happiness. Despite the awkwardness and bad timing of the current situation, she felt as though she learned quite a lot about the great, raven haired detective. It was bittersweet, the one time he could be honest with her was the time she had to hold herself back. It really was truly unfair, but at least she knew just how he felt about her. No beating around the bush, no more wondering late at night when she should’ve been trying to get some much needed sleep. It was one curiosity she could finally put to rest. It was as good of a confirmation as any.

So, he’s actually human too. Confirmed, this time…I think. And he’s in love with…me?! I can’t believe it…as confusing as the situation is, as hard as the situation is, it’s still…it’s still enough to warm my heart, to keep me going. Assuming we are able to stop Light at all and let real justice prevail…perhaps…perhaps L and I can revisit this conversation…but for now, I really should get going…before anything else happens between us.

True to her word, Keiko took a painfully slow step towards the door, towards the hallway. It was difficult to find the motivation to peel herself away from him, especially after his confession, but she knew nothing more could happen between them. As they both had acknowledged several times, it was simply too dangerous.

After what felt like forever, Keiko made it to the door, and was about to open it when she could hear L’s voice calling behind her. It was soft again, something that seemed to be both to her and to himself. Something that nearly made Keiko stop in her tracks. Even though Keiko didn’t stop, she felt like her heart was about to stop. His words tonight were more than enough to make her give in and crumble, but she knew she had to stay strong.

Even when it was the last thing she wanted to do. His words this time were somehow even more intimate than his previous confession of love.

“I wish things were different, too.”

Keiko bit her lip so hard she nearly drew blood, bringing her back to the present moment once more. Her hand, which had been still raking through her hair, covered her mouth as she winced in pain. Even so, the physical pain seemed like almost nothing compared to the emotional turmoil she was currently facing. Despite mulling over the situation countless times in her mind, she couldn’t decipher what exactly she was thinking or feeling. Or rather, she felt as though she was thinking and feeling too much at one time. There was too much on her mind, too many emotions swirling around inside her.

It was truly bittersweet, a mixed bag. On one hand, L’s confession had her heart soaring higher than the clouds. It felt so surreal, knowing that the world’s greatest detective loved her, that he was in love with her. It felt almost too good to be true. Keiko no longer had to wonder just what the ever-so-mysterious raven haired man thought about her.

On the other hand, she had a feeling that this newfound knowledge would make it that much harder for her to pretend. To pretend that everything was normal, well as normal as it could be. To pretend that everything was okay, or as okay as things could be. Even more so, to pretend that she was in love with Light Yagami. Pretend that she was in love with Kira, a monster. Keiko wasn’t sure that she could do it.

But I have to…especially now…

It was a blessing, but also a curse. The world’s greatest detective, the man who could seemingly solve any and every case in the world. He had feelings for her?

What makes me so special?

It was still so fresh, so random, she would’ve pinched herself to check if it was all a dream had she not just almost bit her lip super hard. It was almost as though her ears had been deceiving her. Had L really said such a thing the other night, or was she just simply hearing what she had wanted to hear?

Keiko was also starting to wonder things that perhaps she shouldn’t. However, she couldn’t stop herself. Not now. Not when so much had already happened between them. With his confession, she realized that a whole new can of worms had been opened. There were somehow even more questions than answers.

When? When did he start to feel this way? For how long…? I know he said ‘a while’ but a while is subjective, isn’t it? What exactly is ‘a while’ to a great detective? I wonder, I wonder so much it’s driving me crazy. Just how long has he felt this way, how long has he liked me for exactly…? When did his interest in me turn into love…could it have been around that one night…since then…?

Keiko thought back to the time L and her had suddenly kissed, and felt her face flaming for what felt like the thousandth time that night. It had been a while back, but she still could feel his lips on her own like it was yesterday.

No no…that couldn’t have been it…right? That so-called ‘mistake’ he had said. That was so long ago…but if not, then when? Keiko thought back, trying to remember all of their interactions, there’s been a lot of times…too many times…that I wondered, just wondered, if he liked me…I felt like I was going insane from frustration, but what if…? Has he truly had feelings for me this whole time?

Keiko sighed, deciding to finally lie down once more on her bed after a yawn had escaped her tired lips. It was far, far too late. There were many thoughts circling around in that head of hers, but she finally felt like perhaps sleep was catching up to her.

However, she thought as she snuggled into her blankets, if L and I both survive this…then what does this mean…what does this mean for the both of us…? What’ll happen between us once this investigation is over…? Will anything happen…?

L’s POV:

The great raven haired detective sat at his computer chair. Despite the files he had been mindlessly scrolling through, his mind was elsewhere. Or rather, it was on someone else. A certain someone else. A certain Keiko Kagami, the young woman he was in love with. The young woman whom he had just spur-of-the-moment professed his love to the other night. It was more than enough to send even L, who had always been calm, cool, and collected into a spiral. His normal composure on this particular night had gone out the window.

L considered himself to be rather intelligent. After all, his entire career was based on being known as the world’s greatest detective, as well as the second and the third, if you included his aliases. This was something he had prided himself on, he knew the what, when, where, why, how, and who of a situation. If he didn’t, he would do everything in his power to find out. It was numbers, it was calculations and deductions. It was facts, having a clear correct answer. Something you could count on to be right, to be factual. He enjoyed a good mystery here and there, something to solve, to keep his mind busy. His job, all things considered, was usually rather easy, the Kira investigation aside.

However, when it came to emotions, L knew he was rather lacking. Emotions, his own feelings, were not facts, they were not something he could research. There was no right answer, there was no wrong answer. Nothing was clear cut. He preferred not to have any emotions in the past, they were messy and not worth the trouble. How he felt, his emotions, were simply something he did not usually try to think about, let alone dwell on for hours or days at a time.

There were not many moments in L’s life that he felt lost, that he was confused, that he didn’t have a clear cut, right or wrong answer. This was all new to him, his feelings for Keiko Kagami. His love for her, him being in love with anyone at all, was all entirely new territory. It was different, it was almost nerve wracking, it was enough to keep his mind occupied, it was enough to drive him crazy.

He thought back to the other night, “It’s not an ideal time, but, I suppose to be entirely transparent, I have strong feelings for you, Keiko Kagami…in fact, I think it’s safe to say, I’m in love with you…I have been for a while now.”

L’s confession was more than enough to earn him a lifetime of embarrassment, an emotion he was also not too familiar with. Even though Keiko had long since gone to bed, he could still feel the effects of her being around him. Thinking about her alone was enough to make him feel dizzy, but in a good way. There was electricity coursing through him, he could feel his heart pounding, his blood pumping through his body.

Is this how Keiko normally feels…? I genuinely don’t know how she does it, it still feels like a constant heart attack, being around her…this crush, this love that I feel for her…it’s something, alright.

The detective knew he should’ve been working on the investigation. After all, his life was still on the line, but he found he couldn’t focus. It wasn’t like there was a lot of new information at the moment to dive through anyway. He was still waiting on new reports from Aiber and Wedy, he had requested more information on the two prosecutors. One of those two men had to be Light’s knew Second Kira, his new killing machine. L had a strong feeling about that, given Light’s beliefs and intelligence. That and his strong sense of justice, his rather twisted strong sense of justice; L supposed a prosecutor would have to feel similar to how Light felt. It was the most likely scenario given the suspect list. Given this, L had decided to focus on those two men, Teru Mikami and Satoru Ishihara.

L shuffled around in his chair, positioning himself so that he was sitting upright. He had attempted to look through the suspect files in front of him once more to no avail. It was no use. He was still unable to focus. Keiko had stolen most of, if not all, of his attention. He thought back to their previous conversation once more, his sudden outburst. The detective thought about her reaction, how dismissive she was. It pulled on him, tugged on his heart. He knew she had been unable to respond how she wanted. She was limited by circumstances, she was limited by him. By wanting to protect him. It hurt. It hurt him, and he knew it was probably hurting Keiko even more.

Keiko…confessing to her…I know it was selfish of me…it was more than selfish of me, it was out of line, it was probably more than she could handle, I know that. I know all of that, but…I simply couldn’t stop myself…

The raven haired detective let out a sigh, I’ve been holding back these feelings for so long, days, weeks…perhaps even months…refusing to let myself feel for so long…and now that Watari’s opened my eyes, he’s told me it’s okay to feel…to recognize how I feel…because of that, I couldn’t hold back. I could no longer hold back my feelings for her…I’ve created this mess myself. I’m sorry, Keiko. It turns out intelligence doesn’t mean that you’re smart when it comes to feelings…I’ve learned my own little lesson. Emotions are as illogical as can be, emotions are not like facts. The two rarely, if ever, coexist.

At this thought, the detective let out a small chuckle, no wonder…I mean, I knew feelings clouded your judgement, I see it all the time. I saw it with Keiko and Light for so long, and yet, even I’m not immune. Experiencing this firsthand, it makes me wonder…was I too harsh on her before? I know it’s silly, but this feeling…this loss of control…this anxiety…this hold she has on me…I can’t seem to shake it. Scratch that, I don’t want to shake it. I want Keiko, I want Keiko to be happy. If at all possible, I want Keiko to be happy with me…as selfish as it is. A selfish wish, one the old me would never even consider…

“Ryuzaki-san,” the sudden voice caused L’s head to snap up. He was face to face with the older gentleman, who somehow had a look of both concern and amusement written all over him. Watari had somehow once again snuck up on him, something that used to be quite the feat but was now happening rather frequently. The detective gave a nod of acknowledgement at his sudden companion.

“Watari-san.”

“You told her how you felt?” his question, which wasn’t really a question, hung in the air between them. L could see the knowing look in his face, the gentle but stern gaze making him feel almost like a small child once again. He found it hard to speak, to admit out loud to him, even if it was Watari he was conversing with. Someone he had known almost all his life. Someone he felt like he could trust.

“There’s no use dwelling, young master. There is no changing the past. You can only move forward. You know that, right? Especially given the nature of your job, the nature of the investigation.”

At his words, L gave a slight nod. It was only natural advice. After all, Watari was correct. Life had to carry on. Life would carry on. It had to carry on, especially for him, for the investigation. However, it was Keiko that he was still worried about. His confession, his sudden and ever so selfish confession. He knew she was limited, and yet, he had failed to stop himself. Even more so, L hadn’t wanted to stop himself.

She has everything to lose, while I have nothing…I know this, how could I have done this to her…?

“She’s a strong woman, you know,” Watari continued on, a knowing look in his eyes. It was as though L’s mind was being read for once, not the other way around. It was almost enough to make him feel naked. “Give her more credit, she’s made it this far. And now, at least she knows how you feel; she doesn’t have to wonder.”

“But is it worth it?” L questioned before he could stop himself. “Is her knowing how I feel worth it?”

Watari seemed amused, “that’s not the right question, Ryuzaki-san. The question is, do you regret it? Do you regret telling her? Somehow…despite the way things are right now, I don’t think you do.”

At this, the detective paused for a moment. Even with all his thinking over the last few hours, this was something he had not yet considered.

I feel for her, I feel sorry for her, but overall, do I regret it…? Do I regret finally opening up to Keiko properly? Do I regret letting myself feel for her? Despite everything, despite all the hardships…I wonder…can I truly bring myself to regret it?

“I told you to live without regrets before…what I said still stands. Live your life without regrets, young master. With this investigation, anything could happen, lots of lives are on the line. If something were to happen, you want to know that you had done all you could until the very end…that being said, I’m sure your confession may have given Kagami-san some peace of mind. No doubt it’s been on her mind for a long time…perhaps it’s better you told her, even if it did take you a while…”

Despite the fact L thought he was being insulted a little there at the end, he found some comfort in the elder gentleman’s words, perhaps…perhaps he’s right. For better or for worse, Keiko now knows how I feel. No more mixed messages, no more accidentally, or purposefully, toying with her…it’s now out in the open, no more secrets. Not with her, not with Keiko. I love her, I’m in love with her, and no matter what, I can’t bring myself to regret confessing to her, Watari is right, it is dangerous, but there’s no changing the past…whatever happens, I’ll try my best and help her, keep her plan in action, keep Light Yagami fooled…and hopefully, we’ll get through this together…

Seemingly satisfied with the raven haired detective’s reaction, Watari gave a smile before he started to walk away, “it seems you have your answer…goodnight, or rather, good morning, Ryuzaki-san…if you have no further questions, I’ll be going to bed.”

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thatonekawaiigirl13 · 2 years ago

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Who Said Death Was Easy? [Death Note] Chapter Fifty-eight: Sleepless

Chapter Fifty-eight: Sleepless

[A/N: My apologies for the delay! I made this chapter a bit longer than usual, I hope that makes up for being a bit late lol. I got sick and it took me absolutely forever to recover, so I was unable to write for a while. Anyway, please let me know what you think! Any and all comments are appreciated! I’m excited to finally have this update posted! -Stephanie]

Keiko’s POV:

The light of the moon shone in through the window, reminding Keiko of how late it was that night. The clock ticked on and on in the corner of the room as she tossed and turned. Keiko let out a soft sigh in defeat as she leaned back into her comforter. After hours of trying to get some shut eye, she had finally given up. Despite the exhaustion and clear lack of sleep, it appeared that there would be no slumber for her tonight. That much was clear, Keiko had accepted her disappointing fate. Yet another sleepless night, which was becoming somewhat of a common occurrence for her.

It’s no wonder that the detective has raccoon level looking eye bags. He must deal with this all the time, huh?

Keiko wondered how many sleepless nights he had to endure for him to look like that. She was certain that she was slowly catching up, especially with the way that the case was looking now. There was too much to worry about, too much that could potentially go wrong.

Well great, looks like I’m about to be the next raccoon, the thought made Keiko let out a small laugh as she lay in her bed, trying to no avail to get comfortable. It’s way too late for this, way too late for anything productive, unfortunately…not that there’s a lot going on right now anyway. What else is there to do but agonize about the future?

Although the investigation had come to a halt: no news, no leads, no nothing, there was still a lot on her mind. To be specific, there were two people on her mind. Namely, a certain raven haired detective and, well, Kira, aka Light Yagami. Needless to say, Keiko’s heart and her head were in a battle. A battle that felt it had no end, one she had been fighting for what seemed like a while now, whether she consciously knew it or not.

Keiko felt rather torn, her heart was saying one thing while her head was screaming at her to be logical. While her heart yearned for L, she had to keep up pretenses with Light. That was something she had no choice in, something she felt she had to do. Here she was, acting as a doting girlfriend, acting as a fool once more, but this time on purpose. Unfortunately for her, it was getting harder and harder to pretend that she held feelings for her so-called boyfriend. This whole act was slowly draining her. She had to keep reminding herself why she was doing all of this in the first place. That was the only way for her to keep on going in her state, her current sleep deprived state.

Keep in mind, it’s all for L…and for the case, of course. That’s also important, but…for both of them…especially for L, though… to keep him alive…

Keiko had to admit, if it helped L’s life be spared, then it would be totally worth it in the long run. That was what she had to try to remind herself in order to keep going. To keep pretending, to keep going with this plan of hers. It seemed silly, but feeding into Light’s ego and acting as his foolish yet loving girlfriend seemed to be working. He had no idea it was all just a ruse, something that she was almost a little proud of in a weird way. After all, he had spent so much time fooling Keiko, it was only right for her to get her own little revenge.

Revenge. If you can even call it that…that’s a rather funny term for what it is, it doesn’t seem very appropriate. Not with everything that's been going on lately.

Keiko let out a bitter laugh. Not that it was really much of a revenge, it was more like a chore. A chore that she had to do in order to ensure that L kept living and breathing. She supposed she should feel a little guilty, fooling her ex-boyfriend turned fake real-boyfriend. However Keiko couldn’t deny that a small yet bitter part of her thought that Light deserved a taste of his own medicine. She was still human, of course. Keiko supposed that she was allowed to feel that way, especially given the gravity of the current situation. It was a lot to handle, a lot to deal with, and it was simply tiring. Whether he had meant to or not, he had dragged Keiko into this whole Kira investigation mess to begin with. When he had asked her to study, when he had invited her on that date, and probably even before that.

Well hell, if you think about it, without Light, there would be no Kira and no Kira investigation to begin with! Keiko shuddered, but because of him and this notebook of his, a lot has changed over the past few months…I’ve also changed in these last few months. Unfortunately, not much of it has been for the better…of course, meeting L and being on the Task Force was a great opportunity, but knowing who Kira is now…knowing he’s been close to me this whole time…it’s a lot to handle. Especially when you have to act like you don’t know anything. When you have to protect someone precious to you. It makes it that much harder to sit back and pretend that everything is all okay. This whole situation is whacked up and unfair. It’s unfair to me and to everyone else on the Task Force. I suppose it’s especially unfair for Light’s father, who is also blissfully unaware of his son’s true identity…and L of course…everything and everyone, all because of Light. It’s weird to think about sometimes…it’s weird seeing him acting like normal… it almost hurts, in a way. It’s agonizing, and yet, I can’t do anything about it, at least not yet…

Keiko turned over in her bed, thinking back to the other day, the day she and Light had gone for a walk outside around headquarters. It had been the first time she and Light had been alone like that for a little while. Most of the time, L or someone else from the Task Force was nearby, or at least a room or two away. This was in part due to the investigation, it was also partially due to Keiko not allowing herself to be alone with him. However, there were some situations that were unfortunately unavoidable, the other day being one of them.

“Keiko-chan, would you like to go for a walk around the building?” Light caressed her thumb, which would have been a sweet enough sentiment, had he not been Kira. Keiko knew then and there what she had to do. She looked up at her boyfriend, giving a small nod in return to his question. It was not something she particularly wanted to do, but it was something that she felt was necessary.

Keiko had to admit, Light’s sudden request had thrown her off guard, but she had willingly accepted his offer. There wasn’t much of a reason for her to refuse, she had to make her own performance of being a loving girlfriend believable. Everything seemed to be going well, Light seemed none the wiser. Not that he would have noticed anything off anyway, he had been in too good of a mood the other day. Even so, as long as Light believed that Keiko was in love with him she figured she was in the clear.

Hanging out with Light alone was now one of her least favorite pastimes, it was somehow awkward and uncomfortable for her. She had to be on her guard, she had to pretend. Despite this, it had allowed her to better gauge what was on his mind, with the case and with their relationship itself. Light was pretty talkative and chipper while on the walk, which probably meant that he seemed to think he had won. Although it didn’t seem like a good thing, it was actually a blessing. That meant he wouldn’t be on his guard, at least not around Keiko it seemed. From what she saw, he either genuinely liked her or he was an extremely good actor, as he seemed happy to spend time with her. She wasn’t sure which was worse, nor did she want to know how Light truly felt about her at the time. Or rather, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know how Kira truly felt about her.

Not that it matters…Light’s hurt me deeply, I can’t be bothered caring what he thinks about me, not when he’s Kira. Not when there’s so much at stake, not when Light’s been corrupted by this so-called ‘death note’. It’s a little hard to read his intentions, sure, but I believe that keeping him happy is key to helping L. Light can’t be suspicious of me, he can’t know that I know he’s actually Kira. Or that I have feelings for someone else that isn’t him. Once again, this is all for the case, but most importantly, it’s also for L. After all, he’s the one that’s in the most danger right now.

The thought of the raven haired detective made Keiko shiver, though she wasn’t sure if it was from nerves or excitement. Thinking back, their interaction was even stranger than what she had experienced during her walk the other day. With Light, she at least knew how to behave and she knew how Light would be expected to behave. On the other hand, she never knew what she was going to get with the detective. She never knew whether he was going to be sweet or not, how he felt, how he was going to act or say around her. L was certainly an enigma, a wildcard, someone that Keiko felt she would never truly figure out.

What is with that? What is with him? I can’t believe him…seriously. Him saying things like ‘Please, always call me L whenever we’re alone’ and ‘Am I making you nervous?’ in the same conversation is enough to drive me insane! I can’t believe it, what was his motive? It almost seemed…well it almost seemed like he was trying to get a confession out of me. It’s quite obvious that he must know I have some feelings for him, so what was his goal? That man…did he seriously want me to tell him how I felt? There’s no way, right? Now isn’t quite an ideal time to try to be romantic…but what else would make sense? Was he just trying to fluster me again? For what reason, just for fun or something? Why does he act like this? Does he like seeing me like that? He’s so frustrating, as usual.

Keiko, having long given up on sleep, sat up in her bed. Her gaze lingered on the window beside her, watching the shadows dance in the breeze as she tried to fight a yawn. It was past three in the morning, but that wasn’t what Keiko was concerned about at all. Her mind was still spinning, especially with thoughts of L. It was not what she should be thinking about, but thinking of L was a nice way to get Light and the whole pretending to be his girlfriend thing away from her thoughts. A nice distraction from her current reality.

Although…the fact that he wants me to call him L when we’re alone… that’s almost kind of sweet. It’s not a confession on his end either but, it has to mean something, right? I already know that he trusts me, this is just further proof of that. I suppose now isn’t the time to pursue a romance, if you could even call it that, but with the way he’s been behaving when we’re alone lately, it’s been making me wonder. Does L feel the same way about me? Is there a chance, even if it is a bit slim, that he’d want to be with me…? Or am I just looking too much into things? Probably the latter, but I suppose I wouldn’t be me if I were to just give up hope…at this point, there’s no use denying it. I’m in love with him, and it would be nice if he were to feel the same way, even just a little bit…

/meanwhile/

L’s POV:

The detective sat up in his chair, resting a hand on his chin. Although it was common for L to pull an all-nighter, it was rather uncommon for him to be thinking of much else but the task at hand, i.e. the Kira case itself. Tonight, however, was a little different. Tonight he found his thoughts leading back to one person in particular. A charming young woman, as Watari had pointed out before, one with a charming smile. A charming young woman who happened to be fake dating a mass murderer under the nickname of ��Kira’, a young woman who also happened to make his heart skip a beat even when she wasn’t around. Or rather several beats. No matter how hard he had tried in the past, he just couldn't shake off this fluttery feeling. It was only growing stronger and stronger with each passing day, which L knew was something he couldn’t quite ignore anymore.

Given Watari’s previous advice, he was questioning himself. Every action, every reaction, whether big or small, seemed to be a big deal to him now if she was in the equation. Unfortunately for him, his mind was still reeling from the events of the other night. It was something seemingly small compared to other times alone with her, yet the conversation between them stuck with him. Not exactly the content of the conversation but its meaning, and rather, all the words that were left unspoken between them. All because of a simple question that he found he was unable to stop himself from asking.

What was I thinking? ‘Am I making you nervous’? I have to admit…it’s unlike me to get so swept away in the moment and lose almost all rational thinking…but with her around, it’s something that’s been happening more and more frequently. Was I truly trying to get a confession out of her? I already know of her feelings for me, I know that she must truly care about me…but did I want her to express these feelings out loud? I know it would be dangerous for either of us to crack, to give in to desire. And yet…why do I feel this way? Why do I just want to give in, even if it means risking it all?

The air conditioning in the main room kicked on, causing a slight disturbance. However, L barely moved at all from his spot. There were still many things on his mind, many things regarding a certain Keiko Kagami.

I suppose I have to admit, on some level, I truly wanted her to tell me…even though it’s selfish, I wanted to get a rise out of her. I wanted her to admit her feelings for me, to tell me how much she cares. Maybe even…that she’s in love with me…

L let out a breath. Although he had many papers littered below him, he had to admit, he wasn’t actually paying attention. Instead all he could think about was Keiko and her hair and how good she smelled. Everything about her was inviting to him, everything seemed so intriguing. He had been trying for so long to stop himself from having these feelings, but what for? What was the point? The detective was starting to wonder. He hadn’t exactly been lonely before, but he hadn’t exactly been happy or satisfied either. He merely spent his time buried in his work, all the cases that he covered, he had made that his life. It was all he knew really. All this time he had his guard up, with no other real companionship other than Watari.

Do I want to continue living my life like that? Is that what I truly want? Or am I starting to want something else right now, because of my feelings for her?

It appeared that Keiko had been slowly but surely tearing down those walls that he had built for himself over the years. He used to imagine growing old alone, solving many cases along the way in silence, but now he wondered once more if he wanted a future like that. A future alone, without anyone else in it. A future at all, assuming he survived the Kira investigation. L feared he was starting to imagine the impossible; he was starting to covet a life with someone else by his side. A life he had never imagined before until now. A life with a particular someone, someone other than Watari. Someone very charming, someone who was risking her life in order to save his own. Someone that he now recognized he was in love with.

However…is that even possible?

/the next day/

Keiko’s POV:

Although she had been avoiding him for the last day or so, Keiko knew she had to stop at some point. This was something inevitable, she knew she had to convene with the great detective alone. To her knowledge, everyone else had gone to bed an hour or so ago, leaving just herself and L awake. She, of course, had ‘pretended’ to go to bed a while ago to no avail. And now, here she was, hyping herself up to return back to the main room and face the music. It was time, after all, to continue on with their plan. She had to remind herself, it was no use to dilly dally, not anymore than she already had.

Let’s go…you can do this! At least it isn’t quite as embarrassing of a situation as it could’ve been, yeah? Keiko gave a shudder as she remembered her dream of the detective she’d had after they kissed that one night a few weeks back. It felt like forever ago now, and yet the memory of their interaction was still burned into her mind. She shook that dangerous thought away, but she wasn’t quite unable to shake the feeling of their kiss from her lips that somehow ached for more.

Nononono. Now isn’t the time. There’s an investigation with a lot on the line, keep it moving! Come on, just a few steps more to go.

Keiko leaned forward, reaching at the door handle in front of her. With a soft swoop, she entered the room and stepped inside. The room was quiet, empty except for the great detective himself. As she had expected, L was in his signature spot in front of one of the main computers. There were stacks of papers scattered all around him on the desk.

Well, that’s no surprise there…for being unpredictable, there are still aspects of him that are pretty predictable. I thought it was a little weird at first, all those habits of his, but now it just seems endearing. He’s so weird…well, he’s definitely L.

His eyes appeared to be glued to the papers, scanning each page thoroughly before flipping to the next. Like her, he also looked rather tired, as evidenced by bigger than usual eyebags. Despite this, he looked rather cute in a dorky way, Keiko noted. It appeared he had showered recently, his shampoo smelled just like the sweets he ate, presumably strawberry. However, his hair was sticking out in random directions, giving Keiko the urge to run her fingers through in an attempt to fix it. She resisted this urge, feeling rather nervous for a multitude of reasons as she sat down in the chair next to him.

“Hello, L,” Keiko heard herself say as she settled into her chair. She hoped she sounded more confident than she was feeling. At least her voice hadn’t shook and she had no sign of stuttering yet, which she considered a victory. Calling him ‘L’ when they were alone still seemed rather intimate. Rather too intimate for just being, dare she say it, friends. Or whatever the hell they were, Keiko honestly wasn’t sure what to think anymore. It wasn’t like they had a label for a detective-friend-crush-mixed bag companion that could be summed up in one word. It would be quite the feat, though, if there were such a word.

The detective gave a nod in her direction, slowly looking up from his array of papers. If he seemed shocked to see her, he didn’t show it. Keiko had figured he probably knew she would appear sometime over the next week or so. After all, they still had much to discuss regarding everything that was going on, something that Keiko was very aware of. Everything that was going on with the case, of course, and their plans for secretly working around Light. That was the most important thing that they had to deal with: handling Light and making sure he remained unaware of their sneaking around and their plans. It helped that he thought had won, meaning that they could catch him off guard if they played their cards right. Needless to say there was a lot for the two of them to talk about.

Speaking of which…isn’t he going to say something…? Did I do something wrong with calling him ‘L’? Is that it? Was he just teasing me before? No, no it doesn’t quite seem like it, with how serious he was being…but then…why is he being so silent? I’m not sure what to make of this, it’s making me even more anxious.

Keiko gave a small cough, waiting for the detective to speak. It wasn’t like he was avoiding her or anything, as she could feel his dark brown eyes staring her down. She was quiet, feeling the heat on her cheeks as he looked at her, scanning her up and down. Somehow she found herself meeting his gaze, her own boldness shocking her. She noticed there was something about how he looked at her, how he was studying her, a subtle softness in his demeanor, something that made Keiko wonder things she supposed she shouldn’t be wondering. Not the right time to wonder, and certainly not the right circumstances.

Wondering is dangerous, she reminded herself. Wondering may lead to other dangerous things, like longing and desire, so keep focused on the task at hand…

After what felt like ages, the detective let out a breath, finally breaking their quiet yet intense eye contact. It appeared he was in deep thought as well about something, though she was sure he wasn't about to share what. However, that didn’t stop her from wondering, not when she could feel herself boiling over with both curiosity and confusion. There were too many questions that she didn’t know the answers to, far too many for her taste.

What was that all about? Why did he look at me like that? It was almost as if…like that other night…he had the same look in his eyes, didn’t he…? Oh my gosh, no way, he isn’t nervous around me is he? That can’t be it, right? He’s been acting rather odd lately, well more odd than usual, that is.

There was a short pause, but then the detective finally spoke. His tone was light, almost soft, and his gaze still lingered on her own. “Can’t sleep?”

‘Can’t sleep’?! After all of that staring…and his total lack of a proper greeting…that’s all I get? Seriously…? How disappointing…and awkward. I wonder, even though I really shouldn’t be wondering…

Keiko let out a hum at his sudden question, hoping her disappointment didn’t show on her face at his question. It wasn’t like she had a real reason to be disappointed, not when she already knew his slightly warped personality. It was her own fault that she had high hopes for almost no reason. This was L she was talking to, he wasn’t exactly eloquent most of the time. “No. I suppose not.”

L gave a nod, gesturing towards the papers that were littered in front of him. “Me neither, as you can see.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised. It wasn’t like you really slept much to begin with, eh?” Keiko replied, raising her eyebrows a little, her lips curling into a smile as she looked over at him. “Those raccoon eyes you got there are looking pretty intense.”

Though it’s not like I look any better. Not at the moment. How embarrassing, though I’m sure L isn’t one to judge. Not like he could judge, not in his state.

It was small, but she could see his mouth twitch a little at her joke, “a raccoon? Well, you got me there. I’m like a raccoon, yes.”

“Raccoons can be pretty cute, you know.”

Oh gosh. What. Did. I. Just. Say? Keiko, seriously? What do you have to say for yourself right now? Why don’t you ever think before you blurt things out loud?

She mentally slapped herself. Keiko had to admit, it just rolled off her tongue before she could think to stop herself. She wasn’t sure what it was, but for whatever reason, she had a knack for embarrassing herself in front of the world's greatest detective. That much was very apparent, being around him made her somewhat of a mess.

“You really think so? A cute raccoon, eh? Good to know.”

The sound of his voice broke through her thoughts, bringing her back to the present. Despite the fact she was humiliated once again, she wanted to try and keep her pride. Whatever was left of it, at least. But she just couldn’t think of what to say, not with his eyes still gazing intently into her own. Needless to say, it was rather annoying.

Oh no, oh no. Now what? Think, Keiko, think.

Keiko didn’t quite want to switch topics quite yet, but it wasn’t like the conversation was flowing very well. Or much at all, at this point. It was more a staring contest than a conversation, much to her chagrin. A staring contest that she felt she would soon lose, as his gaze seemed to linger far too long.

Oh well. Just laugh and move on, yeah? Yeah, right. Just…move on…quickly! Say something now!

She was about to open her mouth when she suddenly heard L shuffling about beside her. Keiko paused for a moment, making her muster out a small, “hmm, yes?”

“Were you about to say something, Keiko-chan?”

What was that, Keiko-chan? Um. Is he…seriously calling me that? Is that because I was so casual with calling him L earlier or is it something else? Nevermind, nevermind, so not the time right now…

“Yes, but it’s- well, I don’t want to interrupt you,” Keiko managed to get out, officially losing all hope in trying to regain her pride. She hadn’t even been alone with him a full ten minutes and she had already managed to make a fool of herself. At least it wasn’t the first time, and she was convinced that it would not be the last time, not with the way things were looking. At least she was more comfortable around him, or rather, she was getting used to embarrassing herself around him. At this point, it was nothing new.

“Please, go ahead,” the detective waved his hand at her, inviting her to keep on going. “It’s nothing important, you listen to me talk all the time.”

“Uh, right, sure.” Keiko found herself increasingly confused and red, but he seemed intent on listening. “If you’re certain.”

Well. That’s…definitely unlike him…once again, he’s been rather odd lately.

To her amazement, she managed to continue on without faltering. L’s intense gaze, however, didn’t waver as she let out a breath. She was all nerves, “since you insist, I was just going to ask you…has there been any news from Aiber or Wedy? Y’know…regarding the exchange a few days prior? I was thinking that we should check in and figure out how we should proceed from here on out.”

“What, no more talk on how cute raccoons can be?” the detective quipped, letting out a small chuckle. He seemed to be enjoying her embarrassment, her clear annoyance at his teasing, all of it. It was clear he was quite amused, given the slight smirk on his face.

And there it is, he’s teasing me again! I should’ve known he wasn’t going to just let it go…not that easily, anyway. Why did I mention raccoons in the first place? They must’ve been on my mind since I’ve not been sleeping much lately.

“You wish,” Keiko heard herself say, fighting an attempt at rolling her eyes. Her little rebuttal wasn’t as strong as she wanted it to be, but she kept going, “however it’s important that we discuss this…”

The look on her face must’ve given her away, because L seemed to waver a little, shifting in his seat before her. It seemed he had enough of punishing her, as he finally relented. Or perhaps, he was more than satisfied with the reaction he had gotten, Keiko wasn’t sure.

“Alright, alright, fine.” The detective gave a nod, “yes, as I mentioned before, Kagami-san, they are the best in their respective fields. We have gotten some new information regarding the situation. A lot of new information, thanks to them. That’s what this stack of papers is about, actually.”

Well…back to Kagami-san, are we? Hm. Noted.

“Wonderful,” Keiko let out a breath, feeling a bit more comfortable with their current topic. It was a lot safer than talking about raccoons, or rather, how cute L was. They were back to the plan, back on track. “Are there any leads or anything else that could be useful to us? Anything that could lead to finding any suspects?”

“Well.” L appeared he was back to business, the expression on his face a bit more serious. There was no more hint of a smirk, at the very least. “Given the current information, it appears that we now have three or four potential suspects already.”

“Seriously?” Keiko’s eyes widened in amazement. She knew Wedy and Aiber were good, but that good? She had to admit, as relieved as she was, she was also quite impressed. It had only been a few days since the exchange, and she was certain there were lots of people in and out of the company building the day of Misa’s photoshoot. “Three to four suspects already? Uh, wow. Are they sure?”

“Yes, they’re sure. They know what they’re doing, so we should be back on track. This is very good news for us, we’ll have a lot to work with. And having a small list of suspects will make it that much easier for us to narrow it down even farther. I’m sure we’ll figure out who this new Kira is soon. As I said before, do not worry too much.”

“Yeah yeah, of course. You’re right as usual, which is a complete shock,” Keiko smiled as she moved her chair slightly closer to the detective, eager to get a peek at those papers. She was hyper aware that her legs dangled dangerously close to the detective’s. If he was affected by her sudden movements, he didn’t show it.

“Yes, I’m aware. I’m always right,” L had returned to his teasing tone, his lips curling ever so slightly again. It appeared that the smirk was back, and his eyes were shining a little, “I feel like we’ve been over this topic many times.”

Keiko didn’t bother stopping herself from rolling her eyes this time, but she was not as annoyed as she let on. Instead, she could feel a warmth tingling in her stomach. It was a bit refreshing that this teasing was in light of good news, not anything embarrassing. “Right, right, right. I should always remember that. So, tell me, who’re the suspects?”

L gestured to the multitude of papers sitting below him. “Well, you could listen to me talk for hours, but to sum it up, there’s more detailed information in these reports.”

“Right.” Keiko moved to grab the papers, but was stopped when she felt something brush against her fingers. Her cheeks flamed as she realized their current predicament, the detective had already been in the process of handing over said papers to her. Their collision was like a bolt of electricity that ran between the two of them. It was over almost as soon as it had begun, as Keiko hastily grabbed the papers out of his hands. Despite her awkwardness, she found herself wanting more, his touch was far too brief for her taste. The detective froze for a moment, but dropped his hands as soon as Keiko had the papers safely in her hand. Keiko wished she could go back for more, to touch his hands, to feel the warmth of his body directly.

But alas, that’s not a very good idea.

“Do you…” Keiko somehow found herself wondering aloud. However, unlike the detective and his question the other night, she stopped herself. It took a lot of self control, but Keiko found she had already humiliated herself enough in one night. The question, though unspoken, resonated within her. It was something she had been asking herself a lot lately, what with all of his odd behavior around her. Though she did not speak, it was on the tip of her tongue.

Do you feel the same way I do…?

“Yes?”

Though she hadn’t meant to, she had once again garnered the detective’s undivided attention. She hoped she wasn’t as transparent as she felt. It wasn’t like L knew what she was about to ask him, right? There was no way he could’ve guessed, or so she hoped. It could’ve been about the case.

Right, the case. That probably makes the most sense, he probably doesn’t suspect…? Just the case, nothing more to see here. It’s not like you’re almost all I think about lately. Not like that at all.

“Nevermind.”

“If you insist.” She heard him reply as she buried herself in the papers that now lay in front of her. Keiko skimmed through the information inside them, and the silence between them grew louder and louder. It appeared the detective had no issues in glancing over at her as she read through the new briefings. She could feel his eyes, his gaze upon her once more.

He’s been staring a lot lately…ever since I sat down, it feels like he’s been watching me this whole time. What does that mean? Am I just imagining it? It doesn’t feel like I am, he’s still looking at me right now…

Keiko let out a small hum as she poked through their new list of suspects. She did not look up at the detective, though she had been tempted. It was better to not meet his gaze, not when she felt like this. Not when he was already this close to her, with those eyes of eyes staring her down. “Huh, that’s interesting…”

“Yes, I thought so, too,” L was quick to reply.

“So there are two prosecutors, one businessman, and one part-timer whose family is influential in politics…they believe one of these men is our guy?”

“Seems likely, yes.”

“Mmm,” Keiko gave a small chuckle. Despite the tension between them, this was welcome news. This meant that they would be that much closer to finding this new Kira. “Well that’s good…one step closer to the end, I suppose.”

“Wedy is surveilling them carefully and will continue to report any suspicious activity that’s found, and all of the feeds and wiretaps will also all be sent to me to look at whenever possible. This’ll all be done in private. When the time is right, Aiber will approach in secret to apply some pressure to this new Kira. If all goes well, he’ll slip up somehow. At the very least he’ll start to feel cornered. Of course, we’ll need to narrow some things down first. That’s important, we need to be sure that we have the right man. Then we can continue on with the rest of the plan. As far as the Task Force goes, we’ll continue to investigate as normal and we’ll narrow down suspects with them as well. If possible, we should find potential leads so that they can also discover who this new Kira is naturally. That way we won’t have a need for two separate investigations anymore, and we’ll still find a way to connect it all to Light behind the scenes…well, I digress, I suppose I’m preaching to the choir. But, in the meantime, Wedy will keep us updated. She’s keeping an eye on all of them.”

“Hm, Wedy will have her hands full it seems…” Keiko trailed off for a moment. She was deep in thought as she mentally went over their plans once more. Things seemed to be going in the right direction. “Is there anyone you suspect right off the bat?

The detective paused for a moment. “Well, based on previous activity��Kira isn’t likely to care about influence. That doesn’t seem to align with his character very much, though we cannot entirely rule it out quite yet, of course. Same with the businessman, it doesn’t appear that goes with his values. Given the current information and with what I know about Light-kun, I’d say it’s likely that our man is one of the two prosecutors. In fact, I’d say it’s highly likely, probably over 70% likely. No, it’s probably over 90% likely. I’m almost certain it’s one of the two prosecutors, so that’ll be my main focus.”

She gave a soft hum in agreement at his words, knowing Light…well, it all makes sense. It’s weird to try and think like him, but…he’s still Kira, or acting as Kira…it’s easier to think of them as separate, but…right now, that’s not possible.

“Of course,” Keiko swallowed. Even though it appeared they were in a good position, it was still possible that things could all change on a dime. There were still a lot of anxieties that plagued her. A lot of worries, including the most obvious one that was sitting right next to her. “The plan is all coming together, I hope…”

Hope is all I have left…things have to work out, right? We’ve been working towards the end for so long, and now it’s finally in sight…but will it truly be okay? Or rather, will L be okay?

“Are you doing alright?” L’s sudden question threw her off guard. His voice made her realize just how close the two of them were. He was leaned forward in his chair, their bodies now closer together than ever. Something that she was hyper aware of, though she tried not to appear flustered. He was mere inches away, within touching distance. Within kissing distance. The memory of their previous kiss was still lingering in the background of Keiko’s mind, despite her trying to push those thoughts away.

“Y-yes,” Keiko was quick to reply, hoping she wasn’t too obvious. She wanted to look away, but she found herself transfixed, unable to move. If she moved, she wasn’t sure what she would do. She couldn’t trust herself, not around L. Especially not around L when the two of them were alone together at night.

“Are you sure?” The detective was close to her, so close that she could feel the heat radiating off his body once more. Except this time, she could also feel the heat from his breath as it hit her cheek. If she moved, they would be touching.

Too close. Too dangerous. Too risky.

Keiko let out a shaky breath, “I’m as alright as I can be.”

Trust me. You’re truly making me go crazy here.

This response seemed to satisfy the detective, as he gave a small hum in response. Keiko had expected him to finally move away, but instead he stayed close to her. In fact, he seemed to be moving even closer, their chairs nearly knocking into one another. However, neither of them flinched, neither moved away.

Uh oh…

Unsure of what to do or what she was even expecting, Keiko closed her eyes. She had to admit, she was nervous, yes, but she couldn’t ignore that excitement that was also bubbling up inside her. There was a pause, perhaps even a little hesitation, but moments later Keiko could feel the detective’s fingers dancing around her own.

What? What’s he doing…?

“Hm?” A little surprised, Keiko looked down at the welcome yet shocking intrusion below her. His hand was a little clammy, which made Keiko wonder if he was nervous, but she let him slowly intertwine their fingers together. They were holding hands, and yet, Keiko found herself wanting more. His touch, though a little awkward, was somehow magnetic.

“L,” Keiko’s voice was soft as she looked up at the detective. To her utter lack of surprise, he was staring at her. He had that look in his eyes, the one that kept Keiko wondering just how he felt about her. If things were dangerous before, they were even more dangerous now, but Keiko still couldn’t peel herself away. If L was acting like this with her, it had to mean something more, right?

“This raccoon cares about you a lot, you know,” L murmured. His voice was quiet, yet somehow still loud enough to make Keiko’s heart beat even faster. His grip on her fingers tightened, giving her hand a light squeeze.

Is this…almost like an answer to my question…? He’s not just toying with me, he genuinely must have real feelings for me, right? Feelings that are more than friendship…? More than whatever we are currently?

All Keiko could focus on was how they were still holding hands. It appeared he wasn’t about to let go anytime soon, which was something she was grateful for. for. The feeling of his hand around hers was sweet, and hearing his kind words was even sweeter. Especially for someone who never showed affection. “I care about you too, L. A lot.”

Is he…embarrassed? No, not only that…I think he’s actually…blushing…cute. Does this mean I have the power of making the world’s greatest detective blush? Oh my gosh. Despite how annoying he can be, he still manages to make me feel like this. Being with him is one of the few times I’m genuinely happy lately, whether he feels the same way or not. I just want to be around him.

It was faint, but Keiko swore she could see the faintest of color painting the detective’s cheeks. Keiko knew she was also blushing like mad, but it was reassuring to finally see her having some effect on him, too. It gave her hope, hope that would help give her the strength to continue on and face the rest of the investigation. However, for the moment, she wanted to enjoy her time alone with the detective.

“He doesn’t deserve you, you know that, right?” L’s voice broke through the silence that had enveloped them.

“Hm?” Keiko wasn’t sure if she heard right for a moment, or if she was just hearing what she wanted to hear. This whole moment was a dream, something she hoped she wasn’t about to wake up from anytime soon. She was almost tempted to pinch herself to check, but even with her sleeplessness, she had a feeling that this was real. This was really happening between the two of them.

“It’s true,” he continued on, his eyes searching her own. There was a desperateness to his voice, a sense of urgency. He spoke fast, as though he wanted to get the words out before he changed his mind. “You’re too good for him. I…I wanted you to know that. What you’re doing for the investigation…no, what you’re doing for me, it’s unfair to you. I’m sorry.”

Keiko’s smile faltered as she thought about the situation. She had the feeling he hadn’t exactly planned to say this, but she was glad that he seemed to be opening up to her. Despite everything, she felt better than she had for a while. It was all because of the detective, because of L. With him by her side, even if only late at night, she felt renewed.

“Don’t be sorry, L, it’s not your fault. It was my choice.”

Does he worry it’s all his fault? It’s more so my fault, for falling for him. For feeling like this, for everything. It was all my decision. This whole crazy plan, me fake dating Light, this risky set up. He was my decision.

“If I had it my way…” the detective trailed off, looking more nervous than Keiko had even seen before. He let out a breath before finally continuing on. It was as though he had come to a decision. His voice was a lot more stable as he spoke this time. “If I had it my way…I’d want you to be with me…”

“L…” Keiko was speechless, which wasn’t exactly a first. However, this time, it was for a multitude of reasons. All of which having to do with the raven haired detective who was sitting right next to her with his hand intertwined with her own.

Well, I suppose that answers that question…does he truly feel that way? About me? Does that mean he really…does like me…? No, it sounds as though…as though he’s in love with me…oh my god…is he really…? Does L…? Does L…love me…? It sounds as though…I can’t believe it… there’s no way…he may care for me a lot, but love…? Isn’t that just my wishful thinking talking?

A million thoughts swirled about in her head, and she felt like her heart was about to explode. No, scratch that, it had already exploded. Her heart was now a puddle on the floor of the room, Keiko felt like she was somehow on top of the world. Despite how prepared she felt she was, the detective’s next words were enough to make Keiko melt into the floor with it. She was a mess, but she had to hear what he was about to say.

L looked deep in her eyes, and although he seemed nervous, he didn’t falter once. He was serious, his hand still squeezing her own. “It’s not an ideal time, but, I suppose to be entirely transparent, I have strong feelings for you, Keiko Kagami…in fact, I think it’s safe to say, I’m in love with you…I have been for a while now.”

The world’s greatest detective is…he’s in love with me…?!!

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