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feelmyskinonyourskin · 13 days ago

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Judex, Judicum, Infantem - Chapter 10

(Eventual)Reader x Matt Murdock x Frank Castle

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summary: You confront Matt about his lies and reflect on how you want to proceed with both men and parenting your baby.

warnings: AFAB Reader. Pregnancy. No use of Y/N. Angst and arguing.

w/c: 3,028

*I never give permission for my fics, manips, or any other original creation I post on Tumblr to be copied, posted elsewhere, translated, or fed into any AI program. The only platforms I currently post on are Tumblr and AO3. Thanks*

Crash.

The toaster hit the wall behind Matt’s head and crumpled into fragments of metal and springs with a clang as it hit the floor. He barely ducked out of the way in time, not expecting to have an appliance thrown at his head first thing after arriving home from a pointless meeting. He instantly went into fight mode, ready for whatever attack was next. It came in the form of your fists, banging against his chest as he stumbled backwards.

“You bastard. You absolute bastard!” you shouted, not ceasing in your wailing while Matt just flinched back and took it “You knew! You knew where he was the whole time and you lied to me!”

“Sweetheart, I—”

“What did you expect to happen Matthew!? That I’d never find out? That we’d just be a happy fucking family while you held onto this lie?”

Matt licked his lips with force, waving a hand up in surrender as he stammered trying to find the right words. You landed another shove to his chest, agitated by his silence.

“Hey hey, baby. Ease up.” Frank cooed, coming up behind you and taking both of your wrists, restraining you against his chest as you tried to continue your attack on Matt.

Running a stressed hand through his hair, Matt gulped as he attempted to find the words. He hung his head in defeat, face scrunched up as tears began to flow.

“I wanted to protect you.” he spoke, voice tight with remorse

“Protect me from what? I don’t need protecting from anything except maybe your stupid fucking ego!”

“From him!” Matt pointed accusingly to Frank who still had his strong arms around you

“I told you, Frank would never hurt me!”

Matt chuckled, shaking his head.

“No. But, do you think Frank is ever going to stop? Do you really want our daughter in that kind of danger?”

“Oh and Daredevil’s daughter would be safer?!”

“I’m not him anymore.”

The audacity of Matt’s statement hit you like a foul ball at a Yankee’s game— rude, unexpected, and errorus. The lump in your throat remained unmoved but didn’t dare morph into crying. Yet. Only rage came out in the way your voice quaked as you spoke.

“You were last night, even though you told me you were done.”

“I know—”

“You lied to me about Frank.”

“I know.”

“You said you loved me.”

“I do.”

No court room had ever seen him so frazzled, no witness on the stand was ever crossed with such hesitation. The confident lawyer and the vicious vigilante faded away to a broken man who was scared and raw. The real Matthew. The tremble in his voice almost broke you, almost compelled you to forget the anger and hurt and want to reach out and comfort the man you loved.

“I can’t hear your heartbeat Matthew. I don’t know what to believe.”

“We were happy. You said you were happy. You said you didn’t need him.”

“I was.” you replied “We were. But he still deserved to know.”

Frank was thankful he was still standing behind you, unable to hide the way his teeth nearly ground into pieces from how tightly his jaw gripped at your lack of denying that statement.

“You said you didn’t need him.”

Frank knew it was true. You didn’t need him. Shit, you didn’t need Red either. You were brave and tough and fierce and it was why he fell for you in the first place. He wouldn’t have left you if he thought you weren’t capable of a life without him.

So why did those six little words shake his foundation so much? He hovered, unsure of his place in this discussion. Taking a step back so that his hands only brushed the sides of your arms, his calloused finger tips running up and down in an attempt to soothe you or himself, he wasn’t sure.

“You asked me to stop looking for him. And I did.” Matt continued to explain, rambling words falling out of his mouth like a bag of marbles spilling down a staircase “But then Hector was murdered and the bullet casing at the scene had a skull logo on it.”

“So what, you couldn’t find him for weeks as Daredevil, but suddenly the honorable Matthew Murdock Esquire needs to find a vigilante and what? All Frank’s contacts start talking? I find that really hard to believe. Did you even look for him before then?”

“I did. I swear I did. And yeah, New York’s criminals don’t want to talk to the guy who puts them in jail. But a defense attorney starts asking the right questions…” he trailed off

You shook your head in disbelief, unsure what to even say.

“I found him. But, this was after you asked me to stop looking for him. I didn’t know if you wanted— I— There’s no excuse, but I just—”

Your shoulders felt heavy with exhaustion and you thoughts felt foggy and jumbled. While you still had plenty to say, you were just so done arguing. It felt laborious to even hold yourself upright, like you could just fall back and collapse into Frank’s embrace. The tears had finally started to flow as you audibly exhaled while Matt stuttered his lame excuses.

Matt hated when you cried, but the sting of knowing it was of his own making was like rubbing salt into road rash. The burden of disappointing you weighed heavily on him as he listened to your sniffles and the sound of defeat in your voice.

“I wanted to do what was best for you. For us. For the baby.” Matt continued, barley able to whisper through his tears

“And I don’t get a say in that?”

“I know. Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I made the wrong call.”

Finally, an apology. Took him long enough.

Unable to even look at Matt anymore, you turned to Frank, stone faced and somber behind you. It’s like he was staring right through you and seeing the yearning behind your eyes for the version life you had not even 36 hours earlier. Where you and Matt existed in a little bubble of joy and normalcy and ease. But there was no going back. Frank had returned to your lives and Matt had torn down the very foundation of your relationship.

“You’re being awfully quiet.” you commented

“Ain’t my fight.”

His voice came out in puffs, winded and tired from having to restrain you. A reminder of how he came back to you all broken and bloody. A reminder of how much healing he had left to so still. You wondered about the bruises and scars you couldn’t see.

The air in the room felt tight and stuffy and the pounding of your heart in your ears drowned out the sounds of Matt’s sniffling. You skin itched and your tears burned and the only word in your head was “run.”

“I’m going for a walk.” you stated decidedly, pushing past Matt and throwing on the first pair of shoes by the door.

Neither of the men stopped you, letting you grab your keys and slip out the door without another word.

“You gonna follow her?” Frank asked

“Why? Like you said, she’s a big girl. She clearly wants to be alone right now. And I’m in the dog house enough as it is.”

The fresh air on your face invigorated you as you strode down the street. You didn’t have any real sense of where you were going, simply hooking a right as soon as you stepped out of your building. By the time you’d gotten a few blocks, your tears had dried and you were starting to feel better.

Weaving through crowded streets until you reached a busy intersection, the beautiful stone wall of Central Park sat in front of you. You continued onward, feeling the tension begin to melt away as the green trees and the lush park surrounded you.

It was busy on the path as you made your way through. The park was filled with families on a day out and afternoon joggers. You didn’t realize which direction you were headed until you heard the music, abrasive and slightly off-key tones of accordion and a clunky piano playing a nauseating melody. Only when you rounded the bend did you realize where you were.

The Central Park Carousel.

You found an open spot on one of the green benches facing the ride, sitting down with a heavy sigh. You knew it was probably some sign from the universe that you ended up where Frank’s whole world fell apart, your own teetering on some weird precipice itself. There was some grand metaphor or ironic statement to be drawn between the situations, but your brain was too full to even begin to verbalize it.

You wondered if the spirit of Maria Castle was hanging around, hoping to divine some of her wisdom so that she could guide you towards clarity.

“Maria, girl? What am I even doing?” you asked to the sky

There was no answer.

You watched the scene around you unfolding; families all laughing and enjoying a fun-filled day, kids running around without a care in the world, their perfect little giggles cutting through the abrasive music.

This would be your life soon, a little precious face to make memories with, to fill your days with joy and laughter and fun. The thought warmed your heart, filling you with a sense of ease.

Still, there was a heavy presence to your joy, reflecting on the two men who are making this chapter of your life melancholic.

You could do it alone. Send them both packing, get their drama out of your way and handle things yourself like you always have. Maybe Colleen would let you work remote and you could buy a place upstate, raise your daughter in a quiet life. You didn’t need either of them, that you absolutely knew for sure.

“Will you tie my shoe?” a small, squeaky voice cut through your trance as you felt a tug on your shirt.

You turned to see small boy, not even five years old, sat beside you and swinging his feet as he stared up at you. He had a sweet round face, big brown eyes that reminded you of Frank’s, and a broad smile that featured a missing front tooth that made him look like a little hockey player. You looked down when he pointed at his foot, navy shoe lace dangling undone from his left Bluey sneaker.

“Sure thing, kiddo.” you patted the spot between you and he swung his foot up and rested it on the bench, waiting for you assistance

“Are you here alone?” you asked “Where are your parents? Or your nanny? Or?”

“No. My dads are around here somewhere.”

The little boy seemed totally unfazed by the fact that he didn’t know where his parents were. You shook your head with a chuckle, thinking about how you were the exact opposite when you were his age and would wail in panic if your mother even disappeared around a corner for a moment.

“Why don’t we hang out here together for a little? I’m sure they’ll turn up soon.” you commented, eyeing up the situation to make sure he didn’t go too far and get even more lost

“Okay. They said we could ride the horses today!” he said pointing at the carousel and eyeing a particularly shiny white horse statue as it went around

“Yeah? Are you having a fun day in the park with them?” you asked him

If an adult didn’t show up to claim him soon, you spotted two bored looking teenagers in head to toe khaki, emerald green central park logo embroidered on their shirts and hats as they guided families in and out of the line for the carousel. The walkie-talkies strapped to their hips could call in back up and help get this kid back to his parents.

“Yeah! We come to the park all the time! It’s my favorite! They said to find a mom if I ever get lost.” His slight lisp came out as his voice got higher in excitement, you suspected from the missing tooth. It was too cute.

“Yeah?”

Even though you weren’t a mom yet, you were glad he thought you looked trustworthy enough and that it was you he found and not someone with worse intentions.

“Do you like Bluey?” you asked, pointing down at the shoe you’d just tied

“It’s my favorite show! Daddy and Papa said this summer we can get an Australian Shepherd just like—”

“Noah!”

The both of you turned to see a man jogging up the hilly path towards where the two of you sat. Similar to every other parent surrounding you, he looked to be in his-mid forties and wore a simple pair of jeans paired with a neat green polo shirt and very comfortable looking sneakers. The outward sign of panic in his eyes made it obvious he was one of this boy’s parents, but the way he moved his feet gently let you know, this was not the first time this sweet kiddo had wandered off.

“Papa!” the little boy squealed with excitement, running into the man’s arms

“Where did you go bud?” his father asked with concern, scooping him up to hold him “We told you you can’t just run off!”

“You said we could go ride the horses!”

Another man joined them shortly after, also relieved to see Noah found and in one piece, and they walked off as a family to get in line for the carousel. You watched as the three of them laughed together, playing some sort of eye-spy game to keep the boy occupied and distracted from getting bored in line while waiting for their turn.

You swore if you blinked, they would magically turn into Frank and Matthew, just how you pictured each of them would be with your daughter.

A happy family.

Yeah, you could do it alone. But you didn’t want to.

You loved Matt. Seeing the care and dedication he’d given you since discovering your pregnancy gave you enough hope that you could get over his recent transgressions and move forward together to be happy again.

And despite your complicated feelings for Frank, you knew he would be an excellent father to your child regardless of where the two of you stood with each other.

Being a family together and giving your daughter three people in her life who loved her dearly was worth figuring this all out.

By the time you left your spot, now determined and sure, the sun was bright on the horizon as it began to set and cast the city in a harsh glow.

You turned the key gingerly, wondering what scene would be waiting for you behind the door. Someone could be heard moving around the kitchen and the broken pieces of toaster had been cleaned up from the entryway, but nothing else seemed to be out of place.

As you made your way down the hall, you paused just outside the door to the spare bedroom— the one that would soon be transformed into a nursery. Amongst Matt’s braille printer and various items for when he needed to work from home was a pile of blankets and Matt’s pillow, laying on the ground. It shattered your heart, seeing that he voluntarily kicked himself out of your bed and made other sleeping arrangements until the two of you could make up.

When you stepped into the main living space, the most amazing smell hit your nose. Notes of pepper and tomato filled the air and made your stomach growl.

Frank was sitting on the sofa, nose rising from your copy of an Agatha Christie novel he once called “fuckin’ boring” to watch you enter. Looking even healthier than this morning, there was a flush to his face and the bruises that littered his cheek bones were now fading to a warm yellow. He’d obviously showered too while you were out. His beard looked clean and soft as it tickled the top of his clean, grey henley and his hair a little more tamed. Seeing him look so much better sent a flicker of worry through you that once fully healed, he would change his mind and disappear again. But it faded as soon as you saw the soft smile that grew across his face at your reappearance.

Matt occupied the kitchen, the culprit behind the delicious scent that covered the apartment. He didn’t flinch when you stepped into the room, having listened to your heartbeat coming towards home since the last half block. But still, he ducked his head, humbly avoiding your stare with his imaginary tail between his legs. Even as mad as you were, you couldn’t help but notice just how handsome he looked. His hair was tousled, a little disheveled from the rigor and heat of playing chef. Still half dressed from work this morning, his slightly unbuttoned shirt showed just enough chest and cross necklace to tease you. The way his rolled up sleeves perfectly framed his arms would have made your mouth water if whatever he was cooking wasn’t already doing it.

“I made dinner.” he offered with a soft voice “Figured you haven’t eaten yet today.”

He wasn’t wrong and it almost pissed you off how well he knew you.

The heaping plate of spaghetti bolognese he set on the island in front of you was clearly his olive branch. The first of many steps towards making up for the hurt and the lies. It was a cheesy gesture, like a greeting card that cost too much. But still, you wanted to give him the chance to make things better and this was a start.

As you sat to begin eating, Frank joined you, taking the stool next to yours. Matt also passed him a plate, then leaned against the counter to tuck into his own. For a while, the only sounds in the apartment were the scraping of forks against plates.

“So,” you finally spoke up “we need to talk.”

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