#mari does good analysis

[bayetea]

I hate the "as a girl whose grandmother was a slave, can I just say not cool?" line from hazel in moa it's the worst line of dialogue rick has written in his life. But like what the fuck. what kind of insane lore drop is that. hazel's grandmother was an enslaved woman. marie levesque cast a spell to meet the god of riches so that she could finally know what it was like to live beyond the indigence and suffering of her mother. marie wanted to be a queen, not a slave like her predecessors. she wanted pluto to give her all the riches beneath the earth

and then the earth enslaved her body. gaea possessed her and through gaea's influence marie forced hazel for six months to overexert herself to the point of collapsing to raise and reanimate alcyoneus. gaea worked hazel like a slave

it's so explicit here. this is SLAVERY. gaea was using hazel's forced labor for material wealth and power. she was only 13. her grandmother was used and her mother was used and hazel herself was used, they were black women exploited for what their bodies could provide in service to the hideous intentions of monsters in power over them. hazel broke free from the cycle and saved the world all by herself by choosing death - it was the only way out

and even in her second chance at life she's actively fighting to die again. she's an instrument of the gods being used to achieve an end that is supposed to kill her. she was convinced that freeing thanatos would result in him taking her life. she didn't know throughout hoo if her father would kill her when the main quest succeeded. even nico didn't think hazel was going to live. she didn't WANT to die a second time. but she fought for the world and for her friends anyway

by the end of marie's life she was only skin and bones. gaea used her body until she didn't need it anymore. marie was the daughter of an enslaved woman who dreamed of being a queen and instead the earth goddess robbed of her life and dignity. and her soul would have been tortured further in the fields of punishment if not for hazel's unfathomable selflessness and bravery to negotiate for mutual asphodel. hazel never even saw marie again after that. what was it that doomed the levesque family? that marie asked the god of death and riches for too much? she deserved even more than what she asked for. I'm fucking sick no one talk to me

[luvnakaharas]

once this whole mess is over (and like OVER over, no new twists or anything like that) i wanna see everyone come back to the agency and everything’s back to normal.

but it’s not normal if that makes sense.

atsushi might not be dead but he’s still seen all of that and was ready to die if it meant he could be with everyone and just never could relax. whenever he thought things were going to be okay it all just gets ripped away. he cannot let himself relax and finally settle in.

dazai didn’t die in meursault but it was so tough on him anyways, he injured himself so much which is something he HATES, as well as having to plan against fyodor over and over and over and OVER. is he still going to be on edge even if they’ve dealt with him?

like maybe the agency has been put back together but there is NO denying the effect everything from tragic sunday onwards has left a horrible mark on everyone at the agency.

from yosano having to confront her past with mori to ranpo having to go against someone he thought he could trust so well. so much has happened (in so little time) and it’s been awful, literally no one in the agency is the same after this. i really hope asagiri explores that <3

[soullessjack]

ok so carried on from this post theres a specific tag i wanna elaborate on which says ‘[jack] isn’t a pacifist he actually has a very complicated relationship with violence’ in relation to how he’s usually (mis)characterized by the fandom.

so first, Jack isn’t a pacifist. pacifism is a total opposition to all war and violence, and a belief that it is never justifiable for any reason or circumstance. He might be averse to violence as a first response or reaction, and he’s frequently shown to want to help the person before anything else—especially people he finds sympathetic or similar to himself (ie Mia Vallens, Sylvia)—but he’s not averse to it altogether.

Jack seems to really only be against violence when it’s used against innocent or undeserving people, including himself. Like in S13, he has no problem using his power to force an angel to stab themself with their blade or going to war with Michael and killing thousands of angels in his army for roughly 6-8 months (and we must remember, it was an effective genocide before he decided, completely out of the original plan, to kill Michael and made it a war) but he still has a total meltdown over accidentally killing an innocent security guard and almost strangling someone who did nothing wrong like he’d assumed. In Ouroboros he states that anyone who could hurt/kill an innocent person is a monster, even if they’re human, which is probably the clearest establishment of his moral code the show could offer.

I think Jack’s particular aversion to violence or even general aggression/anger is also caused by the fact that he, at three days old, was told by Sam that he would need to be kept from hurting other people while his powers were still largely uncontrollable (and therefore, still making him a threat and “evil” if he couldn’t do that). He’s also seen for himself what his power/his overreaction inadvertently causes for other people–like throwing Sheriff Barker into the vending machine (which he apologizes for later)—and is blatantly scared of it at first, so I think it makes a lot of sense that he prefers nonviolent behavior as an initial or default response. However, pacifism is still defined by the belief that no circumstance or reason whatsoever can justify an act of violence, which directly goes against how Jack personally feels about and uses it.

Going back to Ouroboros, he personally defines a “monster” as anyone who would willingly harm or enjoy harming someone who doesn’t deserve it, even if they aren’t actually a particular species of monster. And going back to S13, he has no problem murdering Michael’s army or even torturing Michael himself (which he specifically does because Michael “hurt his friends, hurt his family.” Ergo, Jack does believe in using violence, so long as it’s only used as a justified defense, and I think that is also a part of why him torturing Nick so horrifically is meant to land on us as Something Ostensibly Wrong. Did Nick deserve it? Yes. Mary isn’t even upset about him being killed; she just halfheartedly tells Jack “not like that.” Nick deserved it, but he is still barely a threat to someone like Jack (which everybody knew)—and because he isn’t a veritable threat, none of what Jack does to him can actually qualify as a “defense.”

It’s violence for the sake of violence, with a personal grudge for motivation, and while it’s shown a lot throughout SPN, it hits a lot harder coming from Jack specifically because he, again, is generally averse to [ab]using his power like that—even against other enemies. He believes in necessary and defensive violence and acts accordingly, which makes the completely unnecessary violence he uses against Nick more disturbing; it’s not about defending his loved ones or even stopping a nefarious plot anymore (he literally banishes Lucifer within seconds of getting there). It’s just about making someone suffer and enjoying it. In Absence we also get the vague implication about Jack’s particular fears and insecurities: he’s afraid that he isn’t really loved or wanted for himself, but rather that he’s valued for being “the muscle to take out enemies,”—that he’s nothing more to the Winchesters than a pet monster and easily discardable if he’s no longer useful to them.

On the flip side of that, he’s also canonically very happy to be wanted, needed and helpful to his family/friends—which is to say, again, he’s perfectly fine using violence as a justifiable defense that serves his family (which is also why he chooses to burn Nick to death after Sam indirectly wishes it on him, and why he’s happy to murder all of Dumah’s targets under the guise that it would make Sam and Dean happy). Once he realizes the truth and horror of his actions, however, he tells Dean that he is a monster, by his own definition. But how exactly is this complicated, you might ask? Well I’m glad you did, because I’m getting to it. Throughout his entire short-lived life, Jack has had to be painfully aware of the damage he can and does cause, and what it means for how he’s perceived and the ever present debate about his “true” nature.

I can’t find it now and probably won’t bother looking, but i had another post about how Jack inwardly perceives himself and wants to be perceived in return, particularly when he’s perceived as a threat. To summarize: because of his particular moral code, Jack inwardly knows he would never [want to] use his power against his family or friends, and is therefore not a threat to them, and therefore does not want to be perceived as one despite the danger he still poses with the potential alone. The eggshells that people walk around him are solely based on the fact that he has immense potential and capability to hurt them, all prevented by his simple continuous and impermanent choice to not hurt them.

The only thing standing between them and everything he’s ever done to their enemies is the fact that he considers them friends and has no reason to want to hurt them, and that’s exactly what Jack himself personally lives by. It’s the same blind trust that Sam and Dean have built with Cas; they know what he can do, and they know when he would or wouldn’t choose to do it. It’s a mutual understanding that “I know you can hurt me but I care about you enough to trust you not to do that,” and “I know I can hurt you but I care about you enough to not hurt you and Im glad you trust me to not do that.” I also mentioned it in the post that in Last Holiday, Jack doesn’t deny it when Mrs. Butters says that he’s insanely powerful; he does, however, deny her saying that Sam and Dean should be afraid of him, because “[he] would never hurt them.”

Insanely powerful? ✅

Potentially dangerous? ✅

A threat to be feared? ❌

(This is also what makes Mary’s death by Jack and Sam and Dean’s subsequent actions exceptionally tragic on both sides; their mutual trust is inadvertently, yet still effectively, broken. Jack has also effectively gone against his own morality by harming people he loves and people who don’t deserve it, and now in S15 is struggling with the loss of said trust and the need to earn it back).

That, my hypothetical audience member, is the complicated part. Having to find a middle ground between necessary, defensive, justifiable violence that his surrounding community would approve or appreciate, and the completely unnecessary abuse or misuse of power (ie violence) that would register him as an evil monster and/or a threat to be put down for the justifiable greater good. There’s also the additional middle ground between presenting and maintaining the image of himself as docile and non-threatening (the behavior of which is hugely infantilized by the fandom), while also still being able to defend others with the same violence that could easily lead to him being seen as a threat.

in conclusion (1): Jack is not a pacifist but he has an extremely complicated relationship with violence and the fluctuating justifications surrounding it which he must meet in order to continuously be perceived as safe and trustworthy in spite of his capabilities.

In conclusion (2): this is the truest of jack true forms:

thank you for coming to my yap session, don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you on the way out 🫶

[heavenlymorals]

Details that I've noticed about Arthur Morgan-

-He, for the most part, despises male touch, especially if it's overly affectionate. He gets tense anytime a man hugs him and wants it to be over as quick as possible (Jamie, Mickey) and he looks visibly offended when Professor Bell touches him. He even sometimes gets annoyed when Dutch touches him on his shoulder, someone who he considers a father figure.

-On the flip side, he does not mind female touch at all. He even initiates it sometimes (Tilly, the girl at Beaver Hollow). Now one could argue that they were high stress situations, but if Tilly was a dude, he would've just set her free, make a snide remark, give her a gun, and then he'd expect her to help him with the fighting. He is completely cool with the nun giving him a hug and doesn't get offended when Mary Beth touches his hand in their therapy session.

- He seems to be pretty well read. He knows Shakespeare, with Romeo and Juliet, and Icarus. He makes other literary references. This is probably due to Dutch. Dutch is clearly very well read and cultured. However, Arthur seems more interested in practical works like guides then philosophy and stories, given that the only book he has on his tent desk is a plant guide.

- He's great at remembering faces and less so on remembering names.

- He does have an amazing propensity to remember physical features, like how he is able to create amazing portraits of the people he meets without consistent reference. It's incredible and works back to the whole great at remembering faces thing. Same goes for animals.

- He is very curious. He is always touching things, looking at things, critiquing things, and trying to understand how they work.

- He generally refuses to be emotionally open with men and does it only with women- this could be due to the idea of the Cult of Domesticity. I've made a post about it before. Compare him speaking with the nun to Reverend Swanson. Compare him speaking to John about Dutch leaving him to him speaking to Sadie about Dutch leaving him.

- He is very connected or is fond of artistic people. He and Mary Beth talk about their journals. He is fond of Albert Mason's photography and helps him out. He is interested in Charles Chataney's artistic work, even if he doesn't like it or connect with it.

- Since a lot of camp members respond to Arthur's antagonizations with something like "not again" or "I knew I'd be next", it's safe to assume Arthur will go off on people from time to time, regardless if you play high or low honor.

- Does not have a fixed temperament. In some missions, he is more energetic and in others, he is more downtrodden. Very realistic and I fucking love it.

- Has direct eye content at all times- will look anyone in the eye and does not give a fuck. NPCs will look away from him if he stares at them.

- Gets mad when men don't behave like men, especially when it concerns women. He gets pissed at John for not stepping up and being a man to his family. He gets annoyed and even pissed off when asking why Beau couldn't have helped Penelope Braithwaite as she is his woman.

- Given how the camp falls to shit whenever Arthur isn't donating, we can safely conclude that Arthur is the most valuable member of that camp, bar maybe Hosea and Dutch.

- He is very reminiscent of the Dark Romantic, which is really interesting as a lot of times, it can be looked at as the middle ground between Romantacism and Realism, two ideologies that were very popular in the 19th century. I will make a full analysis regarding this later.

- Introverted, but not shy at all. In fact, he's very charismatic and is just as good as dealing with people as Dutch and Hosea (The Riverboat Mission) This 'dumb, mumbling' cowboy thing he's dumbed down to in the fandom is an insult to his character.

- He probably acted like a father figure to Jamie Gillis when he was still with Mary, given the fact that he taught him how to ride a horse. Will probably also make a full post about this later.

- Some people say that Arthur is around 5'10-11. Others say He's 6'0-3. Whatever his height actually is, he's still way taller than the average man during this time period, who was around 5'6. Now imagine that with muscles and armed to the teeth- fucking terrifying.

- Very sentimental. He keeps a photo of his supposedly no good Pa and wears his hat. He keeps a photo of his mother who he doesn't really remember at all. He keeps a photo of his dog, a horseshoe that probably belonged to a dead and beloved horse. He keeps a flower from his mother. Keeps a photo of Mary as well. If he had a photo of Isaac, he'd probably keep that too.

-Arthur died at 36 years old from Tuberculosis if you play high honor. The real gunslinger and outlaw Doc Holliday died at the same exact age and the same exact way.

- Genuinely doesn't give a fuck about movements, social issues, and cultural issues, but does care about individual people.

- I love him

- So fucking much

- 😃

[skelebellie]

Hi I just wanted to tell you I am *obsessed* with your Frankenstein monster DCA au. Once I finish my commissions I'd like to make some art for it (I'm not doing art fight this year this would be just normal fanart), I've even got my friend hooked on the concept and we've done an rp of your au, heck I'm even rereading my copy of the og Frankenstein again

Is there any more information about the au you can share? And would it be okay if I told you some headcanons I have?

hell yeah!!!!! i get so excited to hear you like my frankenstein monster au! no pressure on any art, im just happy to share my brain worms with the world! heres a little sneak peak at my next frankenstein art (that isnt a sketch lol). Goodluck reading Frankenstein! Also, please share head cannons! I love hearing what people think.

speaking of these guys, heres some more information about the au!

Frankenstein’s Other Choice

In the original 1818 story Frankenstein by Mary Shelly, the monster hunts down and threatens Victor Frankenstein with a choice. Victor can either make his monster a companion, or he will dedicate the rest of his existence to chasing Victor across the world and ruining all he loves. Ultimately, Victor starts, then stops, the birth of a new companion. Forcing his monster to roam the world as an immortal singularity. Thus, leading to the stories original tale.

My AU takes place in a world where Victor does provide his monster a companion, Solis! Lunar’s story follows the basic plot of the original classic, such as his first kill and the rise and fall for his love of humanity at the hands of the DeLacy family. The AU explores their growth and complexities of navigating a world that hates their existence, and the intrinsic human need to be acknowledged. This is why Solis seems more ‘naive’ about humans faults, they didnt experience the same pains as Lunar. But like the original Monster, he wants to be part of a world he cants have. Its also why Solis doesnt favor the arts and more advanced crafts like Lunar, she was made as a blackmailed afterthought, left over parts. Nonetheless, she still holds alot of love for the world (and a borderline scientific obsession for humans).

Of course, there is a lot I want to explore in this AU! Frankenstein is very dear to me as a creative arts person who decided to pursue STEM (dont do it unless you want your brain to be rewritten for scientific analysis). Im actually getting a tattoo dedicated to the story. Rambling on, heres two videos that inspired me and are really good if you want to explore Frankensteins more nuianced side.

What can Frankenstein teach us about bigotry?

Sympathy for the Monster.

[crimsoncowboyy]

John and Arthur’s Established Dynamics With Dutch And How This Impacts Redemption: An Analysis

What makes Dutch Van Der Linde such a compelling antagonist is his extreme narcissism, both covert and apparent. Red Dead Redemption 2 is particularly keen on showcasing this, as players get to experience Dutch’s charisma and mental decline through the eyes of Arthur Morgan, who loves Dutch dearly. On the contrary, Red Dead Redemption 1 displays John Marston grappling with the order to eradicate his former gang members, including Dutch. Through John’s perspective, players get to understand the complexities that come with having to confront a path that has both benefited and destroyed you. Yet, both protagonists serve the same purpose: the complex relationship one may have with a narcissistic “parent” figure. While both John and Arthur appear to have conflicting personalities with one another, they find a common understanding with one another through their sibling-like bond that has arisen from both being raised by Dutch.

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Arthur was only fourteen when he was taken in by Dutch. After a childhood filled with death, brutality, abuse, and homelessness, Dutch was able to swoop in, take Arthur off the streets, and give him a sense of security. This meant everything to Arthur, and with Dutch, Arthur was able to finally have a stable, present, and attentive father figure in his life. However, what Arthur consistently struggled to pick up on was Dutch’s true intentions, which were not as loving and fatherly as Dutch wanted them to seem. By recognizing Arthur’s underlying anger and need for validation, Dutch was able to condition Arthur into being the perfect bodyguard: violent, strong, and eager to do the job right.

Arthur is heavily reliant on Dutch to the point that he sacrifices self-autonomy for Dutch’s sake. The storyline with Mary Linton is a prime example of this. In actuality, Arthur could have chosen to protect himself and run away with his former lover, but Arthur’s entire life has been centered around Dutch’s gang. When Mary says that there is a good man inside of him wrestling with a “giant,” there is a reason why she does not claim that this “giant” is evil or inherently bad; it is only larger than Arthur is. This internal struggle centered around remaining loyal to himself or to the people he calls his family is central to Arthur’s redemption arc, especially through the use of the honor system. Both low and high honor result from a series of cations that allow Arthur to redeem himself, but high honor means that Arthur’s time concludes with the acceptance that he was able to fight for what felt true to himself, while low honor is Arthur getting killed fighting against the very thing that caused the gang’s destruction.

Either way, Arthur redeems himself by fully embracing the notion that Dutch is a flawed and selfish individual who has proven his own safety to appear more vital than protecting the gang as a whole. Yet, it takes the duration of Red Dead Redemption 2 for this truth to be fully embraced by Arthur, who continues to base his actions and existence around pleasing Dutch. Getting called “son” or “my boy” by the man Arthur has been conditioned to rely on is what pushes Arthur to continuously combat his own moral code. Additionally, Arthur cannot fathom the idea of being disappointing to Dutch in any sort of way, even if it causes him to abandon his own sense of right or wrong. By beating up Thomas Downes despite feeling wrong about it, Arthur contracts tuberculosis and is forced to run on dwindling time as a result of his vile actions. Yet, this extreme realization that self-betrayal is equally as harmful as rejecting the expectations of somebody you love is what ultimately catalyzes Arthur’s journey of change.

Arthur’s conflict with John also tells a lot about Arthur's life and for other people. When John turns his back on both Abigail and the gang as a whole, Arthur struggles to find the reason for this. Rather than recognizing the deep-rooted fear and self-doubt that John has been facing, especially when it comes to continuing to live for the gang, Arthur berates John because John is doing something Arthur himself has done and regretted: making the wrong choice when it comes to standing by a loved one. While Arthur chose to “love” the gang more than Mary and then had to endure the consequences for such a choice, John, who is both terrified of disappointing Abigail and conflicted about his changing perspective on the gang, is choosing to avoid both entirely and run away for an entire year. Upon John’s return, Arthur is furious that the gang, especially Dutch, is willing to welcome John back with open arms. This makes Arthur resent John for the choices John has made, but at the same time, have a deep-rooted jealousy over the fact that Dutch treated John well for being disloyal, while the expectation from Arthur is that he will never act in such a way, and thus, Arthur feels John is receiving blind loyalty from Dutch. However, Arthur is misunderstanding a much more complicated relationship dynamic.

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Like Arthur, John also has an underlying incapability of living apart from the gang. Despite his issues with Dutch, John will always have a complicated sense of reliance on Dutch whilst resenting the life John believes was given to him. However, while Arthur falls into the role of being Dutch’s “golden child,” being Dutch’s trusted right-hand man and gang enforcer, John gets a much more complicated role. John is Dutch’s scapegoat child who is heavily criticized and berated no matter how hard he may try to prove himself worthy; however, if John tries to reject Dutch following this treatment, Dutch knows how to masterfully reel John back in. For example, even though Dutch welcomed John back into the gang, it is something that gets used against John in his weaker moments for his guilt to corrupt him into obeying Dutch. Additionally, Dutch making John say “yes, Dutch” out loud is a way to force John into a position of submission and lower status in the instances where he dares to challenge Dutch. John tends to be much more direct when it comes to critiquing Dutch as opposed to Arthur’s display, which comes across as concerned rather than combative. Thus, John and Dutch kind of have this established dynamic where John acts as a defiant child whom Dutch must remind to be loyal and obedient, consistently forcing John to align with an outlaw lifestyle that he is contemplating the morality of.

John is more independent than Arthur in the sense that he is deciding who he wishes to be dependent on. Throughout both stories, it is evident that John resents authority figures, and this is where his childishness shines through. While Arthur will respect authority if Dutch tells him to or if Arthur feels that person is worthy of respect, while John is much more weary and combative from the start. This is simply part of his nature, and Dutch understands and fuels this so that John can serve him. However, Abigail offers a stark comparison to Dutch. While Dutch ultimately demands blind obedience, Abigail demands change in John because she wants John to be less afraid of himself. Abigail understands John’s internal struggle with power, loyalty, and abuse cycles, and she directly combats it. She is somebody who challenges John to do better, which is something he has lacked his entire life. In a world where he is expected to serve for the sake of others, Abigail pushes him to serve himself, which will ultimately allow John to serve her, too.

It could be argued that John’s sense of “redemption” is vastly different from Arthur’s. The very fact that John ran away for a year following Jack’s birth is very telling of the internal conflict eating him alive; John knows he cannot exist on his own, and he must now decide who to be loyal to. While in his heart, he wants to dedicate his life to Abigail and Jack, John does not know how to live a life independently from the world he was brought up in. John wants to be a good dad but never had a good father himself, and John wants to leave the gang, but this would isolate him from both Abigail and the only community he knows. This endless feeling of servitude is something John understands he cannot escape. In Red Dead Redemption 1, this sense of being used by others is crushing John, especially because the United States government has kidnapped John’s family and will only release them if John vows to kill former members of the now-disbanded gang. John wants to protect his family more than anything, but he still struggles with obliterating people from his past who once meant everything to him. As a result, John’s avoidance is displayed through his acceptance of impending death. Throughout both games, John acts in reckless, death-seeking manners, putting himself in high-risk situations where death is a possible reality, such as straight up walking to Bill Williamson, essentially setting himself up to be shot. Yet, to John, being rescued from death serves him as a sign that his purpose on this Earth has not yet been completed, and there is more work to be done for those he loves before death can finally greet him. Ultimately, this shapes John’s redemption arc; John has to keep pushing forward so that he does not die at the hands of the gang and, instead, can conclude his life protecting the people at the core of his heart, which is why his death at the hands of the government following John’s completion of taking down his former gang members is both tragic and beautiful.

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One other major element of Dutch’s manipulation is how he treats John and Arthur like they are too dumb to understand nuanced topics. Yet, this is far from the truth. While John and Arthur are not the most well-read or academically savvy, the two display a deep level of thoughtfulness and insight about the world around them. John is hyper-aware of both himself and the world around him, and he is even one of the first people who recognized something deeply troubling about Dutch’s increasingly erratic behavior. This allows John to read people and situations based on intention rather than bias or false judgment. Even in Mexico, when John is being manipulated by multiple people, he understands that the people he is involving himself with are untrustworthy, but since he has no other options, he must wearily follow through with the situations he gets put into. While John often appears highly pessimistic, this is just a portrayal of his awareness of the harsh realities of the world he exists in, and there are just menial means for him to express this. Even if he did, Dutch would likely berate him until John regretted speaking up in the first place. On the contrary, Arthur appears to be more sheltered than John is, likely because Arthur grew up knowing fewer people and crimes. Yet, Arthur has a much more artistic soul than he lets others see, taking a lot of time to analyze and sketch what he encounters in this world that he finds interesting. His journal displays introspective writing that highlights the faults of both himself and the world around him that he prefers to pretend do not exist, and Arthur gets along very well with people who are atypical thinkers or live alternative, authentic lifestyles. Yet, because neither John nor Arthur read philosophy or desire “high-society,” Dutch demeans the two into believing they are unintelligent and incapable of complexity. Thus, if either one questions what Dutch is doing, he knows that he has the power to make John and Arthur believe that they are too stupid to do so. Yet, John is much more combative to this perspective than Arthur is, and John frequently makes comments to Dutch that question his decisions. In these moments, Dutch feels the most challenged and resorts to harsh insults that directly call out a personal struggle either John or Arthur have, reestablishing that they must remain loyal to Dutch because otherwise they are “worthless.”

Red Dead Redemption is beautiful in many ways. The intricate world design, multitude of storylines, and raw portrayal of complex realities make for a story that is compelling, relatable, and thought-provoking. Yet, one aspect that I think sets the Red Dead Redemption franchise apart from other stories is its hopeful and honest representation of the struggle to find a meaningful conclusion for a life filled with violence, abuse, and uncertainty. Neither John nor Arthur displays a sense of dreading their mortality. Instead, death in Red Dead Redemption serves as a reminder that the future is never promised, so it is important to make the most of the present because what is happening now is the only inherent truth of life. For a multitude of years, Dutch prevented the acceptance of such a reality for John and Arthur, and Dutch sold the false truth that he is the only truth in either man’s life, and as their “God” and “father,” both must worship him above all else. Yet, as fate closes in more and more on both John and Arthur, the realization that Dutch is dangerous not only gets embraced, but it allows for the opportunity to spend the time both have left doing what feels right rather than remaining with what is familiar. While the past can never be altered and the reality of death cannot be evaded, there is a sense of power in the realization that life cannot be foreseen or controlled, and thus, one must live each day remaining loyal to oneself. You are the only thing guaranteed to be both born and ended with you, so why betray the very being that allows you to exist at all?

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[worshipmyruin]

Shauna Shipman pre crash Headcanons <33

(nsfw under cut)

sfw

Shauna who’s your frenemy since forever. You’re always at each other’s throats but in a friendly sort of way?

Shauna who’s your English class rival, you’re both the first to have hands up to analyse the poem you’re studying in class, she glares. You smirk. One day she’s gonna wipe that smirk off your face.

Shauna who begins to actually admire you in a sense, releasing you’re not just trying to one up her but actually try and do well in the shithole that is Wiskayok high school.

Shauna who invites you over to study for an English exam :)) all shy and stuff when you’re actually in her room, looking at her stuff.

“no way, you like Weezer?? Didn’t know you had it in you, Shipman.”

completely smitten and in awe: “you know Weezer?”

Shauna who starts hanging out with you more, you can actually keep up with her literary references and her ability to actually critically think.

ugghhh, her hanging out with you more than Jackie, which has never happened with any of her other friends.

Shauna who’s lowkey a loser, always has her nose stuffed into her journal, writing away about how Mari pissed her off at practice. Or how pretty you looked that day…

When she realises she has a crush on you it’s like the whole world is crashing down on her. Her… liking you. What? How? Why???

Shauna who is now just blushing anytime you guys hang out. Just constantly having to look away.

She’d never say it out loud, but your opinion meant most to her (other than Jackie’s). If you said anything remotely negative about her personality, she’s attempting to train it out of her.

Shauna who lets you sleep over and you’re pressed up against her in your sleep, all cute and snuggled up while she’s just flustered and trying to push you off, though you retaliate with a sleepy groan and tighter grip.

thinking Shauna just kisses you randomly one day, maybe you’re in the middle of revising or trying on clothes in her room, but she kisses you. Immediately regrets it until- you kiss her back???

Shauna who avoids you the day after that, making the least eye contact with you as humanly possible and taking the long route in hallways to avoid walking by you.

you corner her.

“Avoiding me?”

“What?” She scoffs, “that’s idiotic. I’m not avoiding you… I’m just simply not near you.”

“meet me behind the bleachers after your soccer practice.”

And she does.

Shauna who just goes silent with her big doe eyes when you ask her out. “Earth to Shauna?” All she does is nod softly and blink. Totally in shock that you would actually wanna be her girlfriend…

Shauna who searches for your face in every game crowd, and when she does it’s that big grin and a wave, until she gets knocked over by the opposing team and eats shit.

Shauna who takes you on cute little dates which, to the unsuspecting eye, just look like two girls hanging out. She’ll take you to the Café her dad used to take her to before her parents divorced, then downtown to the music store to grab a new single then back to her room to listen. It’s her idea of a perfect day, and it’s even better with you.

Shauna who bites you playfully once she’s fully comfortable with you. You’ll be sitting at her desk, writing something down and just feel her teeth lightly sink into your shoulder.

“What was that for?”

“I don’t know… you’re just- biteable.”

Shauna who always seeks praise from you. A good job when she writes something pretty, an acknowledgement of her accurate analysis of a poem you wrote. Anything she can find, she’ll cling on to. Validation is her need.

nsfw

as we know, Shauna bites. Thinking about your first time with her, her eyes glazed over and near orgasm and she just digs her teeth into the side of your neck as she cums onto your fingers.

Since she bites, she lovesss leaving marks all over you. Not even hickeys, full on bite marks. Your ass, your tits. You found one on your arm one time.

Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets if you catch my drift. She’s such a perv.

Needs to have her hands wrapped around your throat as she rides your fingers, her little grunts as she picks up her pace. Her grip becoming tighter as she nears her orgasm. Leaving bruises on your neck ❤️❤️

Dom!bottom Shauna please, thank you. Always telling you what to do, craving the power she so desperately wants. You give that to her. It keeps her sane. For now.

Shauna who’ll just causally take her shirt off when you’re studying, lie back and stare at you like it’s the most normal thing ever.

“what?”

“what do you mean ‘what?’, you’re literally half naked.”

“then do something about it.”

And you DOOOOO. crawling on top of her and kissing her until she can’t breathe, fingers finding her nipples and rubbing softly. Edging them till the stiffen and then sucking on the lightly. Teasing.

She hisses at your attempt to stay in control.

“this isn’t your time to play.”

When Shauna goes down on you, she goes DOWN on you. Slowly she’ll lower her lips to your cunt before attacking it, soft bites and harsh licks. Though it may be rough, there’s something so carefully planned about it. She was definitely thinking about it all day.

coming up behind Shauna and squeezing her tits in the empty locker room. Of course, that ended up with you on your knees, staring up at her while you pummel your fingers in and out of her, begging to just taste her.

…Shauna who calls you a pathetic slut…?

Shauna who writes the filthiest smut about you in her journal, making sure to leave it open at the page when you come into her room so she knows you’ll read it and recreate it with her later.

thinking about photographer!Shauna… should I write a fic about it???

thank you for reading my little Headcanons! Drop any Shauna requests (within my rules) and I’ll get to it :)

[verdantwyrm]

Anya, The Virgin Mary or the Vengeful Bitch

Or, shorthandedly, the Anyalysis.

I'm going to be occasionally stealing some points from my Curly thread over here, which you should absolutely also read. And also some segments from here, my small analysis of Jimmy and him being a monster vs choosing to be.

This analysis will be going over partially some of how she's treated in-game, but also how she's treated outside of the game as a representation of sexual assault and abuse victims, which is to either make her a mournful, bleeding heart virgin Mary, or a vengeful, final girl that's a violent, hysterical she-bitch. Which she is neither.

I think it's perfectly fine to orchestrate fictional characters killing their abusers, there's nothing inherently wrong with just that, it's more how people actually write it.

Just like any other trope, there are ways to go about it that are extremely harmful and ways that are generally inoffensive. As a victim myself, I personally see so many issues in wishing harm against your abuser, and there is nothing wrong with acting that out in characters you feel comfortable and relatable towards, but there are ways to do this that don't end up doing more harm than good— which is where most people fail. It's an objectively hard topic to address, because it requires nuance and understanding, possibly even lived experience to truly understand why someone would want this. Grieving, the absence that comes with being a victim, is not straightforward or black and white, it's an uncomfortable topic thats often on a spectrum of anger, grief or sadness that most people do not want to engage with because they have a very nearsighted opinion on how a victim should react– the perfect victim.

No one actually likes her as a character, they only like her for what she represents.

The Sexism of the Final Girl

I am sick and tired of people making up the realities in their heads where Anya overcomes Jimmy and kills him,

The trope of a "Final Girl" is not the feminist girl boss you want it to be and is incredibly misogynistic. The definition, as told by Wikipedia

"the final girl in many movies shares common characteristics: she is typically sexually unavailable or virginal, and avoids the vices of the victims like illegal drug use. She sometimes has a unisex name such as Avery, Chris, or Sidney."

There are feminist ideals and intentions behind it, but it is not inherently feminist as a concept and is often very misogynistic despite its intentions to display the woman of the group to be strong, better or uphold moral superiority for declining sex, drugs or any of the vices mentioned forehand. It is a sexist trope, and all it does is ridicule women for "falling" for said vices as if that inherently makes them inferior or deserving of murder or assault.

On the surface, the use of the final girl trope may seem like a progressive portrayal of feminist strength and ideology. It can be satisfying to see a strong, independent "girl boss" overcome an otherworldly predator or rapist. However, upon further examination, it is clear that this trope perpetuates prejudice and reinforces societal expectations for women. The final girl is typically portrayed as a straight, white, morally superior woman who abstains from "immoral" activities like drinking, drug usage and sex. She serves as a voice of reason and represents the ideal woman in our society.

Most importantly, she survives while those who deviate from societal norms face violent deaths. This trope is a subtle commentary on the expectations placed on women in our society - good girls will prevail while those who do not conform will suffer a violent and brutal death, usually at the hands of a man. Ultimately, it seeks to shame women for behaving in ways that are not considered "ladylike."

The film industry as a whole has a history of using females as vessels for pain and suffering. Hollywood loves to profit off of female suffering. These male directors may believe they are earning brownie points with audiences by having female survivors in their films, but in reality, they are simply using feminism as a disguise while indulging in the fetishization of female pain.

It is rather exhausting seeing who we are being reduced to one note Virgin Marys with bleeding hearts, scorned mothers or wounded victims of assault who will never recover, never love or never will have sex again. I do think Mouthwashing does an excellent job of telling the story of a rape victim, but how other people treat her beyond that, it's almost impossible to even have a character like Anya or even Angela from Silent Hill 2 without people stripping them and violating what their character is and instead of focusing on what they represent, a victim.

But back to Anya specifically, she does not even exert any interest, desire or want to murder or harm another person. People dehumanise her the same way Jimmy dehumanises her. They strip her of everything she could be, everything she wanted to be and make her out to be a perfect victim, a bleeding heart, a weak and pathetic woman.

How about Anya has a nice day, how about Anya smiles, and she's happy and safe. What about that? Huh? Or do you only like her when she's a victim. People care more about Anya being a victim they can save, a victim they can nurture and heal and rescue than anything else. They care more about her being weak, sad, frail and miserable. Always the mother, always the victim, always the virgin Mary and a sacrifice but never ever a woman and most definitely never a person.

It's even worse when I see people continuously writing and "re-imagining" Anya being Raped just so Curly, Daisuke, Swansea or even a self-insert reader situation to save her. I totally get that you want her to be happy, and to be rescued and for that to never happen but you severely miss the point of the story that there was no one there to save her. And constantly rewriting it to put a man in the favour of the situation comes off as very shallow and misogynistic the way you're all so ready to have someone rescue her like she's some distressed maiden in need of a big strong man, it also takes the point away from her entirely.

The horse that bites

Jimmy's constant dehumanisation of Anya affects how other people perceive her character as well, that she's weak, small or a crybaby in some sense because of how she responds to situations - emotionally, which is then amplified by Jimmy's pre-existing hatred and lack of respect for her.

Jimmy tears her down every chance he gets, makes her feel little and even compares her to Polle in his hallucinations. And Anya knows that he and Curly have a very lengthy history, so her caution and anxiety about even mentioning the incident, let alone saying the word “rape” is borderline impossible for her. It’s a manifestation, it’s a verbal acceptance and confession that it’s even happened. Something she has been trying to avoid coming to terms with.

And when she does eventually tell Swansea what happened, as much as you want to think she told him- she most likely told him to not do anything, to try and keep the peace for as long as possible.

Again, her vagueness is not her fault, nor is it her responsibility. It was Jimmy’s responsibility to not abuse and rape her.

It’s also very present that Jimmy is verbally abusive to her, putting her down at every opportunity by ignoring her very talented medical skills by saying Pony Express only hired her to cut corners in an attempt to reduce costs because she failed Medical School and that she’s not a “real nurse” because of that, and how he constantly questions her skills despite keeping Curly alive for such a long time in such a state.

After being insulted by him multiple times, she fawns to get him to actually do something beneficial because she knows he responds well to praise, and he complies, all while still insulting and belittling her for being "weak" and "sentimental"

Anya shows a clear fear of Jimmy and has consistent fawn responses around Jimmy. She is extremely careful not to make him upset and praises him to keep him amused and compliant to a degree.

Just like Anya says, our worst moments don't make us monsters. It's one thing to fuck up, and immediately suffer the consequences and acknowledge your mistakes— But it's another thing entirely to purposefully make it so you never have to deal with the repercussions and then make yourself out to be the victim. Jimmy takes every opportunity to blame everyone around him. All the time and Anya is no stranger to this.

Curly genuinely saw the good in Jimmy, in the same way, Anya sees the good in others and possibly even tried to see the good in Jimmy despite the pain as one of the key important things about how everything went about is that Anya never directly refers to her rapist as Jimmy, nor does she ever actually insult or talk badly about him, she only expresses her disinterest in talking to him because of his reluctance to cooperate with her. They both believe that our worst moments don't define us, and Curly had his own interpretation all of how we're defined by our past, but not slaves to it.

She is scared, she is terrified at this point and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that nor should we rush to change that. Her being scared is realistic, she is a scared lady in a very scary situation with an even scarier man who constantly switches between dissociation and lashing out depending on what's going on around him. And she is not that person to fight back, to be violent or to hurt him and that is perfectly fine. She doesn't need to be a girl boss feminist and fight back, she can just be a scared and quiet woman stuck in her own terror, and trying to infer that one Is the "better" option downplays victims who freeze in their own terror and makes them out to be weak or a hapless damsel because they're incapable of "standing up for themselves"

She has every single right to be absolutely terrified and that is in no way a bad thing. I actually really, really dislike the interpretation that Anya is angry, resentful or has any revenge towards Curly, or that she has to be this, hysterical mad woman sent out to kill or hurt Jimmy. I don't believe she's either of this. Anya deserves peace, and I think it's extremely important to understand just how similar she is to Curly. And I'm full of the belief that if Anya had actually done something to Jimmy (hurt him, kill him, whatever) she would be demonized and the misogyny she already faces in the fandom would be worse tenfold. Do not lie to yourself.

Not to even mention one of the many, many reasons as to why Anya OD'd in a room with a lock in the first place. It was to make sure Jimmy could never touch her again? Or do something awful to her body, even when it was lifeless and cold? It was to keep the gun safe, to protect Curly, to protect herself, to take control of the situation, to finally not have to worry about him ever touching her again. And Jimmy still violates it, even after she's dead.

He touches her, drags her body, and props her up in that chair. Even after death, she is never free from him. She thought she was going to finally be free of him, his rage, his desires, his touch, and she died thinking this, that he would never ever be touched or hurt by him ever again. She died thinking all was well, that it would all work out in the end, it had to. She died thinking Daisuke and Swansea would somehow make it out of there, tell her story, and make Jimmy face the consequences of his actions, it was the ultimate sacrifice, it was the greatest thing she could ever do.

Jimmy ruined her life, and he ruined her death, her sacrifice. To keep herself safe, to keep Curly safe, to keep the gun away from him, it all meant nothing.

Thinking outside the Ship

Anya is fun, she is enthusiastic, loves to make jokes, draw, play board games with Daisuke, read, and teases Swansea about his love for sweets which he doesn't even bother to object to and Swansea hands her a note so that she could give it to Curly during his psychological evaluation,, implying that they're casual enough for an exchange like that to occur, and even has what seems to be a budding relationship with Curly himself, taking to his comment about being fit to fly in her eyes like it's a common exchange of flirting between the both of them and she even teases him at the birthday party to "hop to it" in terms of the cake. She is at ease around him, her walls have dropped, and she feels safe to talk to him, and even attempts to try and get him to open up more to her.

She reads psychology books, she is extremely determined having applied to Medical school on total of eight different times and obviously has the skills and interest to keep doing it despite failing and only joined Pony Express so she could make money and keep trying to get into medical school.. She also has good taste in music, one that Swansea and Curly enjoy very much. She also seems to get along well with Daisuke and even allows her emotions to show with anger when they play games they seem to have much of the same sense of humour, judging by how Daisuke is genuinely worried about her when she locks herself in the Medical, they seem to have a positive relationship. We don't know much about her relationships with the others beyond what the wiki can provide.

She seems to have the best relationship with Curly, although. And after the crash, she can't bear to give Curly his pills due to him being in visible agony and her own trauma of forcing him to do something he very obviously doesn't want to endure, likely due to memories of her assault being triggered by both the act of forced insertion and the sounds produced by Curly during it.

Anya also spends most of her free time studying. She runs to clear her head. And when she really needs to destress, she binges on the worst reality television and fast food. She is a very free-spirited woman who is eternally doomed to be reduced to nothing but a hapless, miserable victim.

Final Comments and Thoughts

I don't have much to say here unlike my last analysis, but the situation on the Tulpar is not as straightforward as people would like, I understand it's extremely cathartic to think of a situation where Jimmy gets what he deserves but it isn't realistic, and thats what this game is trying to say. Abusive corporations, exhausting capitalism, this environment breeds Abusers like Jimmy and victims like Anya and Curly. There was nothing that could be done. Pony Express is what doomed them all, they're the catalyst.

Anya deserves to be written and viewed as more than just a representation, a victim or a vengeful hysterical bitch. She deserves to be happy!

Thank you for reaching the end of the thread, please don't be scared to share your thoughts in the tags or in my inbox, I'd love to hear them! good job! (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) ♡

[mr-gallows]

James Sunderland Headcanons/Analysis! (SFW) Stuff about his job, dad, music, tidbits

These are based on Remake James! It's a little easier to come up with headcanons for remake James, since he's a bit more expressive here than the OG. Job:

James is an office clerk (this is confirmed canon), which means he has a job revolving around paying attention to detail. He keeps track of financial records, transactions, orders, supplies, and various other things that an office needs to run smoothly. He's messy, but he's good at his job and has a careful eye for detail. It makes sense for him since he's able to notice small things in Silent Hill that help him progress.

James is well-versed in using office software and spreadsheets, and sometimes is tasked with doing minor trouble-shooting for coworkers. James has an ongoing battle with a faulty office printer.

James prefers this kind of work, even if it doesn't exactly fill him with joy. He's definitely an introvert, but doesn't mind helping others if needed.

James does NOT participate in casual Friday. He always wears his button-down shirt and tie. Prefers not to get too casual about work; he likes to keep those spheres separate. Dad:

James sold his car to help with medical bills that weren't covered by his insurance. His father gave him his old 1977 Pontiac Ventura for free. It's the car his dad drove when he was growing up.

The car barely ran and James taught himself how to fix it. It was his only distraction from Mary's illness.

James has a strained relationship with his father, because he's just super weird. He's caught his dad saying and doing strange things, for instance, holding the box with Walter Sullivan's umbilical cord and just staring at it. One night, James came home from hanging out with his friends, and saw his dad in the kitchen, holding up a knife and staring at the wall as if in a trance. James was freaked out and decided to just come back home in the morning.

This might be dumb and random but I feel like Frank Sunderland doesn't have the best hygiene and his apartment smells. James is probably used to gross stuff. He doesn't like it, but he can deal with it.

James's mom left because she couldn't handle being around Frank anymore. James ended up growing up through his teen years with just his dad. Music:

James strikes me as the kind of guy who listens to The Police, Hall & Oates, maybe REM. Enjoys music with prominent bass lines. He probably listens mainly to hits from different bands as well.

Tends to prefer light rock. Metal isn't really his thing.

James's guilty pleasures are Duran Duran and Cocteau Twins.

I have his shuffle here!:

Tidbits:

James doesn't seem to laugh much, but he does have a sense of humor somewhere in there. Usually it's pretty dry and sarcastic. He appreciates observational humor.

Mary was fond of puns. He always pretended to hate them and roll his eyes, but would end up smiling or chuckling anyway.

James isn't much of a sweets guy, but his favorite ice cream flavor is vanilla. His favorite soda is Coke. He liked Coke floats as a kid. Favorite dessert is apple pie.

Drinks his coffee black.

Tried to tend to Mary's garden when she was sick, but he was overwhelmed by it and being unable to regrow the plants just made him feel worse. He didn't have her green thumb.

[ct-multifandom]

The Ruler Reactions

Gay people on national television! This one’s really long. If you read any one thing off this post let it be my analysis of Nath’s bedroom layout. Should I post that on its own, too?

Did they retcon his family to be ginger I’m confused. Oh wait no, I think the dad is, but the mom has brown hair? Curse the way they shade brown hair with orange highlights; it’s confusing, and it doesn’t help that Nath’s hair color right now looks more like his dad’s natural hair than his mom’s.

Nath’s miraculous is like a 〰️ shape

Pinkie Pie ass family dynamic

The dad, who I guess doesn’t have a name yet (?), is giving me basic businessman energy based on his outfit. He has a kind of douchey looking suit and aviator sunglasses

Dude their house is MASSIVE where do they even live?!?!? Is this one of those mansions that’s really far from central Paris? Like holy shit it’s huge and in one of the most expensive locations in the world, too. Is Shirel such a famous and successful architect that she’s that rich, or does the dad maybe have a very high-paying job?

Ew so the dad is one of those “I’m fine with gay people, but not everything has to be gay/ I’m okay with the distant, abstract concept of LGBTQ, but I don’t like to actually see it existing openly irl and deny it could apply to the people close to me” people

Local man prefers nonsensical, out-of-character het ship over well-developed and textually intentional same-sex relationship, hundred dead, thousands injured

Nice to see them making original stories instead of Ladybug rpf

You should talk to your good old pal Marc your buddy your bro

LMAO Marc has the same exact haircut as his mom. How did two boho hipster special brownie recipe Fleetwood Mac vinyl collection parents have such a Hot Topic son? Must be adopted

^ wait actually unironically might he be? I’m taking a closer look, and usually, they give the characters obviously similar features to their parents. His mom might have green eyes, and her mouth and chin shape look like him as well as maybe the ears, and obv they have the same hair texture. I don’t really see anything in common with the dad, though, and neither of their noses look like Marc’s, plus his skin tone is different from both of them and they have thinner eyebrows than him. We don’t know what color the dad’s hair used to be, but Marc clearly didn’t get it from his mom. It could be that the mom is his bio mom, but the dad is a stepdad?

The mom has a skirt with sun patterns and rainbow earrings. Nice to see her supporting her son’s character design motifs. How much do you wanna bet they all have pun names based on the sky like Sol(omon) or Sunny or Luna or Stella? Im putting all my money down, just look at the (a)Couffaines. I’m sure we’ll get more about them in another episode

Everyone’s got their shoes on the couch. Evil

Marc and Nathaniel’s moms would look like Ms Frizzle if they fused together

Marinette reminds me of that one Chris Fleming Gayle skit about cleaning the house. “get rid of the couch. We can’t let people know we sit!”

“I can’t go to school like this!” Because she’s embarrassed about snot and not because she’s ill. Hey Mari remember that time you starred in a COVID-19 PSA? What happened to that, did you learn nothing?

Okay so Diane is literally Nagito Komaeda I see how it is. Write this down for your Danganronpa AUs guys, she’s the ultimate lucky student. Sometimes I think about the early concept where the school they all go to is for elite and talented students… like girl that’s Danganronpa school. And that’s why all the kids are exceptionally good at at least one thing. Diane probably would’ve gotten accepted through some sort of lottery scholarship let’s be real. Side note, I saw the English dub gave her a South African accent which is so cute! They’ve been going off with foreign accents this season in all these different dubs

Marc has a rainbow “lightning bolt” logo of some sort on the back of his shirt

“Probably a jet plane” LMAO

So Marc really does have makeup on just one eye huh. Idk how I feel about that I mean it’s unique and the lightning bolt is kinda cool. I think I would’ve put the makeup and earring on opposite sides because it feels a bit unbalanced.

“It’s as if everything [the heroes] confronted led them to a final revelation” oh Adrien baby you weren’t there for your final revelation

“It’s our story, yours and mine” “it’s more than that, it’s our story, all of us!” Mylene is bi y’all I’ve been saying it. Myvan is bi4bi mark my words. “She’s wearing a pride pin because she’s an ally” you fools, that pin is for HER

To clarify, when she said that ^ I’m pretty sure it meant like the story represents the experiences of all queer people who read it and see themselves in it

Marc’s schoolbag has a tie-dye rainbow flap and the strap is studded like his belt. Nath’s is paint-splattered, and the flap has a comic book POW sunburst with a half-tone pattern and a graffiti tag. Gone are the days of everyone having bags that were the same assets, just randomly recolored in different pastel shades.

“I won’t hold it against you, it won’t change anything between us” <- lying, probably

Genuinely what is Nathaniel doing all day to get paint splatters all over his overalls, shoes, and bag? That’s one character design trope i do not enjoy because it’s so quirky Pinterest art hoe manic pixie dream girl, and it doesn’t even make sense because he’s almost always shown using pen and pencil, markers, and digital media. Show him painting more murals or something to justify this. Or give him a yellow Kanken, a huge reusable water bottle, and a phone case with a famous Impressionist painting on it idk.

^ also knowing how rich his family is now, the whole messy-on-purpose aesthetic is giving Coachella attendee idk like trust fund baby cosplaying as a Home Depot employee. Does this make any sense

Seeing Ziggy participating in all this and Nath asking for her opinion makes it even weirder that Ivan wasn’t talking to Stompp last time. See, Nath and Sabrina are making the most out of their free dogs.

The big nostrils they gave her are kind of distracting, though, and I feel like they make her less cute? If I were to draw a goat from memory I wouldn’t give it particularly large nostrils

He has the Adrienette fairytale AU art above his desk. “Oh Mariknight, we’re really in it now”

More epic art! This is still Avril Circus, right? I guess they really got into the romantasy genre

So obv the knights represent them, but I’m thinking are the helmets supposed to be like fur and feather themed to nod towards their hero designs? Is that a stretch?

“He’d rather lose his powers than his partner” that’s the line of the day right there ^ we are so coming back to that later as it shows how different Marc and Nath as well as Alya and Nino’s priorities are than Marinette’s

“They can’t lose their powers, it’s not fair” oh this is so foreshadowing. It also reminds me of the overarching idea that as a miraculous holder you can kind of just do whatever you want, and that you can create a third outcome instead of choosing between two bad things

Really interesting how Nath’s room is so huge, but only the tiny, hidden-away corner of his desk is decorated or representative of his personality in any way. The rest of the room is neutral and boring like it’s from a real estate catalogue, and is clearly in his mom’s style rather than his own. That shows how controlling she is and how even in his own bedroom the space represents what she wants without considering him. There’s even an abstract painting with harsh black smears and a bunch of eyes on it? It’s like his parents put that up to make him feel like he’s constantly being observed or scrutinized by them even when they aren’t physically there, which follows him away from home as well. Creepy af and reminds me of that one psychology thing where putting up posters of eyes is supposed to deter people from stealing. He has to shove his true self into one little corner as far from the door’s line of sight as possible where he can block what he’s doing with his back.

And this whole “true self vs my parents want me to be a certain way” thing is put in the context of homophobia in this episode, but I think it goes deeper than that. His sexuality and career plan are just two examples in what’s likely a constant stream of “hey you’re not existing correctly please fix that”

When Gabriel Agreste in s4 came out I made a post about the juxtaposed shots of Adrien and Marinette’s scenes with how Adrien’s house is oppressively empty and colorless while Marinette’s bedroom and visit to the art room were colorful, crowded, and filled with details full of personality and warmth. They’re doing it again with Marc and Nathaniel’s houses as a parallel to Marinette and Adrien, and showing us the Mariknight art from that episode solidifies the callback. Even then, despite the rest of the house being cold af, Adrien got to have a bunch of colorful games, music, and a TV in his bedroom even though he didn’t really choose which enrichment got thrown into his enclosure. As far as I can tell, Nathaniel just has art supplies. How is Shirel worse than Gabriel in this regard the bar is in hell

Nath rewrote the ending and Marc liked it better hm. He’s also taking poetry class. Before, Nath said he was bad at writing, but it seems like he’s improving. I wonder if they’re moving in the direction of him making solo comics later on. Not saying he and Marc are gonna stop working together or anything, but Nath wants to do this for a living and we don’t have any indication of what Marc wants to do yet, so there’s a chance comics might be a hobby project for him in the future. By which I mean when they’re adults, not like, later this season.

Nath hid what he was holding as soon as he heard the door that’s a reflex

LMAO they’re referencing the famous “does Adrien smell like cheese” fandom question

Talk about comic relief after all that stuff I just talked about ahaha

I hope the proof poster is gonna be up in the background of Marinette’s room from now on

Ok so they just look through his stuff in his room ok

“I’m okay with gay people as long as that doesn’t include you”

That mindset that you need to have a useful, stable job and make a ton of money and be productive 24/7 is like the Jewish version of the stereotypical “why no A+” Asian parents it’s like “you’re gonna pay our bills when we’re old, right? Why are you slacking off then, why no doctor or lawyer or business executive?”

Girl she threw that entire thick ass packet in the shredder with the BINDER CLIPS still on it?!? What kind of diamond drill bits are built into that thing

Oh hi Fred

First time a side character is abusing their powers for something stupid. I hope this won’t be a problem for him in the future,,, he’s a bit too casual about running around and transforming for personal reasons

Reverser callback, Nathaniel is once again doing destructive bullshit in the heat of the moment that will harm everyone involved instead of doing anything rational

No Alix for him to talk about his feelings with this time though :( when will platonic wife come home from the war

Thinking about that one analysis post I read that was posted forever ago where OP theorized/headcanoned that he has BPD you were so real for that

That was like a bajillion dollars worth of printer ink, rich kid

Maybe you should’ve talked to Marinette before going to school…

“So you were the jet plane?” Lmao

“Comic books are so you” “you’re only saying that because it’s all I’ve ever done” I mean he’s not exactly wrong about that. I don’t think he’s been shown to have any hobbies or specific skills outside of art

“Please respect my choice” callback to Penalteam when he said no to the miraculous and she was like… ok here it is anyway, see you at the akuma battle in five minutes

Aw that hug was sweet. Me personally though, I wouldn’t hug someone with a red nose and puffy eyes who just sneezed through the sound barrier moments ago. Lila wins by default because the whole team gets incapacitated by The Plague.

My “friend”

New teacher just dropped! The gardening teacher has flowers in her hair and patched up knees on her overalls cute

“I didn’t know tomatoes cry when you cut them” yes Nathaniel is very sad right now

Strike two of Nath making Marc cry, thin fucking ice

I need to know more about this academic vampire coven. There’s the poetry teacher and… maybe a school nurse? Both with bat accessories. Putting punk spikes all around the handles of a wheelchair is crazy btw. “Help me with my wheelchair, but also it’s a torture device. If you say no you’re ableist”

“If they were real art they’d be in the louvre” girl is YOUR art in the louvre, huh?

“Comics (allegory for being gay) aren’t real art” ma’am the entire LGBTQ community is currently looking down and watching you from the balconies

How are you homophobic while wearing quirky miniature-object earrings that represent what your job is, that’s a lesbian symbol

Also your son looks like if a man and a woman had a baby so this is your fault

Ok forcefully dragging him by the forearm

Very interesting that Lila didn’t attempt to akumatize Nathaniel during his breakdown but waited for his mom to get more upset,,, will expand on this later

“I’ll give you the power to literally put your kid through instant conversion therapy! It’s gonna work this time.” Wtfffff also the extremely blatant villain name pun is kind of lost in English

Marc has broken the fourth wall a couple times, he knows he has enough plot armor to jump a supervillain without transforming and not get seriously injured

Transformation! His design eats so hard I’m obsessed, and he’s skipping around like a baby goat. The spiky parts of his hair on the sides kind of look like floppy goat ears and the back of his jacket ends in a little white triangle hanging out that looks like a tail :)

How was he doing all that in that tiny closet? *onlooker sees the closet rattling violently and the legs of a poorly made 3D model clipping in and out of it* and yeah yeah he’s done hiding busting out of the literal closet yeah

I do appreciate a teen coming out story where the character is fully aware of their sexuality beforehand btw. None of that “b-but we’re both boys 🥺” trope just a guy who is openly bi and dating a boy at school but has to hide it at home

Ok this is so nit picky but I do wish they did something to suggest he is bisexual in this episode. Totally understandable to focus on mlm relationships, but I see what I imagine are young kids on the insta side of the fandom get confused about season 1 and assume he “became” gay, or I guess had massive comp-het idk. They might be reinforcing that idea here. I hope there’s something later on at least, like that time Rose joked about kissing both Mari and Adrien.

“I need to find my son” I already found MY son get away from him

Bro thinks he’s Splatoon

Those markers cost also a bajillion dollars. I mean they’re like magically generated so I guess it doesn’t count but still. Also are they… just regular art supplies he’s using or are they real weapons that look like art supplies because his power can’t make magical objects. If he’s just launching plastic rectangles at an armored knight that’s not very effective

Love the cunty Bayonetta style kick from chat noir

I guesssss it makes sense why Lila wants to turn CN on LB and get him to bring both the miraculous but like,,, you’re better off asking him to give you his ring first and then go after LB yourself whether you get her or not

This is the part of the episode where the hero explains what’s going on between them and the villain very explicitly in case you didn’t get it yet

Phew good thing mind control victims will respond to anyone’s orders

“Adrien is gonna have a villain arc” well it just happened and it’s that he turned into an Axe body spray boy

Oh what the fuck why is Lila calling out Nathaniel by full government name that’s creepy. Is she onto him for potentially being a superhero? Tbf he did transform twice in front of huge windows. And he stuck to the artist shtick a little too hard. If she suspects him then she’s not entirely sure yet? To expand on stuff from earlier, in Daddycop, she tried to akumatize Sabrina after she ran away crying, but didn’t do the same to Nathaniel even though he was arguably more upset. In El Toro de Piedra, there was a suspicious figure stalking Ivan, but I didn’t notice anyone like that here. In both those episodes, she didn’t say anything specific about Sabrina nor Ivan, so what’s going on in this one? Perhaps she was watching him in the scene where he went to destroy the prints?

Another episode where the shitty parents become niceys at the end. Please don’t let them magically be perfect form now on nor Raul nor Emile, let them suck a little but try to be nicer

Ah so the rewritten ending is that the sun and rain knights don’t lose their powers, but combine to create a new power of rainbow? Also mlm on screen kiss but it’s not between real characters. Fair enough, I don’t think this is an appropriate time for a marcnath kiss

There’s something to be said about how wlw relationships are seen as less threatening than mlm in media like girls kissing can be brushed off as cutesy but boys kissing is seen as a weird kink thing, like how the dad was saying mlm romance isn’t deep and sentimental unlike straight romance. In TV-Y7 cartoons in general there have been a good handful of iconic canon wlw moments, but I can’t think of any mlm equivalents other than minor side characters that barely do anything or like, older men who are also background characters and have no romantic subplot because they’re long time partners. In this show they’ve created an in-universe justification for why Marc and Nath are less open about their relationship, but they still continue to be censored far more heavily than Julerose, Zoe, or Caline and Giselle.

Shoes on the BED broooo if Sublime can have four different hairstyles in one episode they can make the characters take their shoes off okay

I love the physics on Marc’s dangly earring

Let’s talk about rampant homophobia and hate crimes but use nerdy fantasy metaphors for plausible deniability

Awwwww they’re so cute

YOOO Marc’s disguised miraculous has a cutout design in it like the one in a calligraphy pen that’s cool

REVEAL Nath was gonna be bisexual but not eat hot chip nor lie. This will soooo come back later. When Nino did it, it didn’t exactly have humongous consequences? I mean kind of but not in any way that endangered him nor Alya. That’s what I was saying earlier that Nino and Nath value their relationships more than being a hero. The trouble here is that Lila is being really ominous about Nath, he has a track record of impulsively doing bad things, and he’s recklessly transformed a couple times in this ep alone, so this is… concerning but also cute? And since the comic represents them, instead of giving up their powers after a reveal they’re gonna combine them and make them stronger?

People have been saying there’s gonna be a Myvan one too because of the intro and yeah I agree. Probably even more, like I can’t imagine Luka and Juleka can hide it for long. Marinette will realize that nobody thinks lying to their friends and partners is sustainable. She values being a hero over her relationship because she feels responsible for everything. Like she can’t just quit her job and get replaced at this point, she needs to protect the whole city/world and to her, that’s bigger than her personal life.

Interesting that they’re obscuring Marc’s transformation. Does that suggest his episode is after this? It’s not like it’s a spoiler, we already know what he looks like. Dramatic effect ig. Marc was generally very mature throughout this ep tho, and he jumped into the fight to protect Nath, so idk maybe it came first

Lila already knows who most of the heroes are, but not them. There’s a good chance she will find out and use it against them in the endgame. She does know about Alya and Nino. I predicted after Daddycop that Sabrina might fly under her radar the longest and be key in tricking her a second time.

Important edit: I just noticed the spiderverse-esque comic book effects in his transformation sequence, that’s actually sick. It’s so blink and you’ll miss it and by god I missed it the first time. Nathaniel Kuntzerve or whatever his name is. The goat, like literally

Unimportant edit: it finally hit me who Nath’s dad reminded me of and why he felt so familiar. It’s goddamn Tighten from Megamind. “There is no audience for your comic book, there is no tooth fairy, and there is no Queen of England”.

Wow that took me so long to write in actually almost glad there’s a hiatus now! (Not actually I’m joking) :((( it’s ok tho. Gay people in my phone

[dropoutconfessions]

It makes me incredibly angry when people say "Riz is canonically aro/ace" and act like you're a horrible person if you ship him with people. Like. Nowhere in the show is it ever stated that he's aro/ace. The conversation people reference as him being "canonically" aro/ace is just him expressing his lack of very specifically sexual attraction, and even then the response from his dad (and by extension Brennan and the show as a whole) is that it's okay, and that it's specifically unclear whether he's ace or whether it's just not something that's happened for him in specific yet. It is intentionally vague as to whether he is ace or not, and there's genuinely zero indication in the show that he's aro other than that he doesn't have a love interest which could be completely unrelated.

Right so I'd like to share my opinion on this for a brief moment. I am still fully here to give people a voice, but this is just, an issue that kinda hits close to home since I'm demiaro.

The most annoying thing in a lot of media is when representation is shoehorned in as a list of labels and buzzwords we're given. Queer people should not have to turn to the screen and say their full identity in order for them to be canonically queer. That's what subtext is for. That's what good writing does. Is not spell it out for you when it's not necessary to do so. They do not need it to be spelt out for it to be very clear that he's ace/aro.

I am going to assume ignorance here instead of assuming malicious intent. The idea that the reason he isn't ace, is because "it's not something that's happened for him in specific yet", is an extremely common thought process behind asexual erasure. I'm sure that's not what you intended, but that is something to reflect on in general.

Both Adaine and Riz have yet to have relationships or display crushes (not counting junior year since most of the evidence comes from sophomore year) . Adaine hasn't gotten an entire nightmare sequence / arc around dealing with here friends all finding partners and leaving them alone. Adaine hasn't expressed or had conversations about any lack of sexual or romantic feels to the extent Riz has. Adaine is headcanoned as ace/aro by some people. Riz is more than that. Riz is very much canonically ace/aro if you do the slightest bit of character analysis. There's accidental coding and then there's Riz Gukgak.

List of every single Riz trait that is hella ace/aro coded

A lack of sexual and romantic attraction to other people (I'm not counting the time where he said he was kinda into Sexy Rat, that whole scene was a bit, and absolutely insane)

Making up a partner/crush in order to fit in (I have 1000% done that and so have a lot of acespec and arospec people)

A fear of being left behind by his friends because of a belief that they will find partners and move on from him, largely caused by alloromantic culture's insane emphasis on how the most important relationship is a romantic one

The fact that almost every other fantasy high pc has been in a relationship or a crush (kristen had tracker and gertie, gorgug had zelda, unit, and mary ann, fabian had aelwyn, ivy, and mazey, adaine had oisin and possibly zayn depends on your interpretation, and fig has had ayda and a string of professionals in a variety of fields across seasons 1 and 2) with only riz as a single character

The fact his sophomore year arc was entirely about his lack of sexual/romantic attraction and fear of being left alone because of it

Like not even a joke, it was that and his dad, that was the whole arc

His junior year arc was also about his obsession to stay together as a friend group, which like I mentioned above, is very clearly based in his asexuality and aromanticism

I am not going to stop people from shipping characters ever. If you want to rewrite character sexualities, that's fine by me, I'm a big believer in "Don't Like, Don't Read". I am not gonna pretend like characters are not their sexuality in canon so that people feel justified in writing their stories. People who rewrite character sexuality can do so without making everyone else assuage their guilt for them. I know I'm on the "piss on the poor" reading comprehension website, but it's not hard to tell Riz is ace/aro in canon, and pretending otherwise doesn't help your case.

[doyoubuyallyourmurderweaponsathd]

some analysis for the Shauna/Travis scene bc i literally have not been able to stop thinking about it:

it's Travis being so traumatized from last winter and the last hunt that he has to get drunk for it and won't participate but in his own way is helping the girls with their plot against Shauna

it's Travis not having powers but instead being really good at reading everyone because he's smart and likes to watch people; he had a connection to Jackie that no one else had and now that she's dead, Travis knows Shauna better than anyone else

it's Travis absolutely having powers; now that he's eaten Javi and Jackie, they're a part of him forever. he's chosen by the wilderness even though he doesn't want to be, so he'll always be haunted by them. he didn't want Lottie to be right about him, so he's trying to push that connection onto anybody else that he can

it's about her baby. their babies. Javi and the baby are dead, and the two of them will never feel clean again, will never be able to grieve their deaths on their own. the baby was ours. Javi died to save us

it's Shauna being so completely unable to recognize that somebody else has suffered just as much as her because she thinks that negates her suffering. she hates Travis most of all because she sees herself in him, a version of herself that didn't choose to lash out, a version of herself that chose to quietly survive and numb the pain

it's Shauna always getting shaken to the core by Jackie and only Jackie. Melissa was only a temporary bandage to cover the wound but she wants to pretend like it was something real, like the only reason it didn't work was because she was boring. Travis sees right through her. Other Tai still scares her, but only Travis can shake her like that

it's a parallel to Nat constantly bringing up Jackie this season. she desperately wants the girls to remember Jackie's kindness, even though Jackie was awful to her when she was alive. but Travis isn't bringing her up out of rationality and empathy, he's doing it purely out of spite. he loves Nat and hates what Shauna has done to her, done to him, done to Jackie

it's a parallel to what Mari said about multiple realities. it implies the story changes with their perspectives or it's getting warped by what the wilderness does to them. Travis mentions Javi first, but then Shauna looks away to the girls howling, only to be pulled back in by Travis looming over her and talking about Jackie. it's scarier than before, and maybe this is how Shauna remembered it happening. Travis had to have said something about Jackie, right? he's not around to tell us anymore. Shauna writes about the girls worshipping her and their collective slide into hell, not of Nat rescuing them

it's Travis originally having so much compassion and empathy for Shauna that he feels like he can't even grieve for what he's lost. Shauna always had it worse. but now all of that is gone and he's completely numb and bitter and will never feel for her again

it's Shauna holding the knife to him again and trying to make him feel like he's nothing. like she can take away the one thing he still has left, his life. it's their inability to speak to each other unless there's blood being shed because that's all they know. Travis' blood was shed for Shauna twice before but he'll never spill it again. when Travis dies, Shauna is relieved

it's Travis continuing to take drugs because they let him feel close to people. he can only be close to Lottie if he's close to the wilderness. it's him being so lonely that Jackie in his head is a comfort. it's Shauna never getting to be Jackie's first, and Travis never getting to be Javi's sister. it's the jealousy. he wants to be Jackie because then he'll be loved. he wants to have a part of Jackie that Shauna will never get to have, prove to her that Jackie belongs to all of them. it's Travis getting treated like an object and pushed to the side, never getting to actually be one of the girls, never getting slumber party makeouts. it's Travis always watching them from the sidelines, never being able to articulate those feelings. it's Coach Martinez loving Shauna and never being proud of Travis or Jackie. it's Travis dissociating from sex with Jackie, with Nat, wanting Lottie to comfort him that lets Jackie die, that lets Jackie get cooked, that lets the first feast happen. it's Travis feeling Jackie's love for Shauna from beyond the grave and letting that consume him

and best of all, it's bitchy! it carries the weight of every teen girl drama you've ever seen! it's Travis getting to say all of the things that Jackie never got to tell Shauna. it's Shauna furious at the possibility that they don't think of her as their queen. it's Travis finally getting to be a cunt about what happened to him and reading Shauna to filth about it. it's how Shauna gets to be the queen for this feast, but she will never be their true queen because Nat is the one that will fight for them

tldr it's confirming jackieshauna, it's not confirming shit, it's Travis coming out, it's showing how It can be real, if you think it is. also rip Mari, the baddest bitch of the wilderness. hopefully Travis can step it up and fill the pit you left behind <3

[aubreysheadspace]

Heyyy!!! Love ur posts and am glad to see you back on writing!!! <3

Anyways, may I request the omori MAIN CAST and their ways of showing you affection/main one of their 5 love languages?

Love ya! <3

MAIN CAST AND THEIR LOVE LANGUAGES

it’s nice to be back! after replaying omori more than usual, i made up my answers through my personal analysis and headcanons, so i hope you enjoy!

SUNNY — QUALITY TIME

shown throughout the game, SUNNY is someone who doesn’t like to be alone. his good memory allows him to remember the good times he has with his friends and cherish them dear into his mind.

even in silence doing absolutely nothing, SUNNY would still cherish the time with you because that’s how much he enjoys being with you. he likes the quiet anyway.

he doesn’t enjoy being alone, so he’s down with anything you wanna do… even if it’s something he might not enjoy. he’ll try to get through it and suck it up, he likes spending time with you either way.

AUBREY — QUALITY TIME

another person who likes quality time, but she could also be words of affirmation. AUBREY has shown that she hates being alone and enjoys hanging out with the people closest to her, such as the original main cast and the HOOLIGANS.

she likes planning upcoming dates, which she calls 'hang-outs' (she’s a little embarrassed to call them dates, but will never admit it) so you and her can go out together. she also likes going over to your house to spend time with you there.

as much as she doesn’t admit it a lot, she hates feeling alone. as long as she’s with people she cares about, like you, she doesn’t feel lonely and it makes her happy to make new memories with them and you.

KEL — PHYSICAL AFFECTION

KEL just screams physical affection. giving a simple high-five is enough for him to feel pumped up and happy. he’s like the type of guy to have his arm around your shoulder, like he’s gotta be latched onto you somehow.

if you’re comfortable with it, he’ll try to lessen his touch, but he can’t promise it when it’s basically how he shows affection towards those he cares about deeply in his heart.

words of affirmation can also be his thing as well! he likes cheering you on with words that help him out whenever he’s sad. he’s like your personal and number one cheerleader as well!

BASIL — GIFT GIVING

while this one was a little tough, but i think it works well sort of? BASIL could also be words of affirmation or acts of service too, either way he enjoys receiving any kind of affection thrown at him.

he likes both receiving gifts and giving them! he might get flustered, but he will forever be grateful for any gifts. and he will, of course, think carefully on what to give you.

he’s definitely assigned you a flower, no questions asked. that itself is like his whole love language, a flower that will always remind him of the people he loves and cherishes, including you!

HERO — ACTS OF SERVICE

HERO is quite literally the king of acts of services. he could also be words of affirmation too, he likes to offer advice and help cheer you up with cheesy, romantic words to make you laugh. but of course, he also means those words too!

you got some chores around the house? he could help finish them for you! are you hungry? he’s already cooking up something tasty! are you sick? he’s already got you resting in your bed and on his way with some warm soup for you to eat!

he also doesn’t mind if you wanna do some acts of services for him, he appreciates it more than you know. he doesnt wanna admit it, but he does need the help sometimes, especially with how stressful college seems to be for him. but hey, at least he’s got you!

MARI — WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

MARI is basically the queen of words of affirmation. her words can hype up and make anyone feel better in just a few seconds! she also enjoys quality time with you, picnic dates or just simply spending time with her makes her very, very happy.

right next to KEL, she’s like your personal cheerleader. her encouraging words can always give you the motivation and strength you need! there are some days where her words might not be enough but that’s okay, even she has those kind of days..!

now onto receiving. she loves to receive physical affection, if you’re okay with it. if not, that’s totally fine, it’s not a need anyway. she does enjoy holding hands with you so hopefully you’re okay with that. if you aren’t then.. that’s okay too!

[isaaujulii]

I got this idea from a post about how Nat is ultimately the best leader, and I agree. But this is about how narratively I think the show is telling us that the leader should have been and would have been Tai, if not for her Other self. Shout out to @nataliescatorccioapologist for the a great analysis of leadership types that inspired this yap session.

I always thought Tai should be leader since the beginning. She has all the traits necessary to hold them together. Nat is a good person, she is exemplified by her moral compass, but also inner strength to push forward. But her failings come from an unwillingness to make others uncomfortable or exert her power over them, no doubt coming from her own trauma with her abusive father. Because of this she fails to see and connect with the individual emotions of the others in the group, mapping out the group dynamics in order to control potential conflict. For example could have gone through with the punishment for Shauna and Mari in a more fair way if she had known the extent of the conflict between them, keeping Mari in the camp by showing proper punishment for Shauna for her behavior. Tai on the other hand is able to see the emotional needs of others quite clearly. She remarks multiple times throughout the show about how each character is doing, checking in Akilah and the mouse. Is the first to clock Shauna’s pregnancy, telling Lottie not bother Travis with the tea, and was even willing to let him join her and Van to find Mari cause she could tell her needed to do something.

She doesn’t believe in the wilderness but is willing to let the others have their rituals and beliefs as long as it doesn’t go to far, with again her being the only one to actually defend Travis against Lottie getting him high because she could see it was having a negative effect. She is (along with Nat) the most rational of the group, consistently bringing up not necessarily the right “choice”, but the right procedure, (the coach ben situation, she was doing her job as a lawyer, plus she didn’t have a vote). This is where her and Nat differ the most, Natalie makes the right choice, but Taissa always steers towards the favored choice. The choice that will ultimately keep the group together.

I think the perfect example of her being the best option was in the beginning of S3 when Mari and Shauna were beefing, she early on said something like “we have to sit them down before this escalates”, and she was right that whole chain of events lead to Coach ben’s death, which she even warns by saying, “everything out here means life or death”. She saw that even a tiny fracture could lead to a crack in their foundation.

Tai is exactly who they need but Other Tai would take advantage as soon as she has any power. It’s the whole conflict of her character in S2 before Nat is chosen she along with the others are mostly democratic in decision making and I think she even mentions smth abt them needing to get a leader even before Lottie does, bc S2 is basically Lottie’s decent into the cult, and her power over the others. Tai sees this (along with Nat ofc) and worries abt (as she should). But this is also when Other Tai starts taking over her nights, and she has to tie herself to Van, which also mirrors her adult life as well, she becomes the worst thing she could be,unreliable & unstable. She can no longer trust herself to be there 100%, it’s why she takes a step back from pursuing leadership. The real Tai as soon as she gets rescued, and has agency over her life again, ditches Van and pursues a career as a leader, but when Other Tai comes back she is forced to “tie” herself to Van again.

I think Tai is a direct mirror to Jackie in a lot of things, I don’t know if i’m misremembering but I think she was up for the role of Captain, but ultimately Jackie got it bc she was more personable and had more influence, because of the foundation that society already has, her decision are not life and death. Jackie had influence through social/emotional connectivity and group dynamic reliance, her skills more aligned and favored by our “society”. Tai also had influence as we see with the Allie situation, she discussed with the group abt her plan to pressure Allie out, everyone said their piece but ultimately let her go through with it, not telling the coaches or warning Allie. They thought she would handle it, trusting her rationality and ability to ultimately do what is best for the group. But as is the tragedy of Tai’s character she cannot rely on her psyche to follow through on her rationality, because of the ever looming presence of Other Tai. Real Tai weighs the scales of justice and rationale evenly, but her “dark” side tips the scales to serve whatever agenda she has, even if it hurts her host in the process.

Real Tai keeps order, Other Tai brings chaos.

[rickyriddle]

ShaunaHat Analysis

Hey there, I’ve been meaning to write an analysis for Shauna and Melissa’s relationship for a while, and after seeing the latest interview with Jenna Burgess, as well as reading a lot of takes I don’t personally agree with regarding their relationship or Melissa as a character. It made me want to give my own perspective on them and hopefully change some people’s minds regarding them.

For starters, I want to make it clear from the start that the point of this analysis isn’t to convince anything that it’s a good relationship, or make you enjoy them if you really don’t. I am very aware that Shauna/Melissa is a toxic relationship that evolved into outright abuse, and it’s totally fine to be uncomfortable with that. But what I wish to accomplish is to give some clarity as to why they are that way, individually and as a couple.

So, for this analysis, I’ll explore who Melissa and Shauna are as people and how it contributed to them starting a relationship. I want to delve into their individual motivation for dating each other, what they saw in each other, how it affected them and why it ultimately ended the way it did. Essentially, I’m looking to elucidate the when, why and how of their relationships. So please, bear with me.

I'd recommend checking out the two latest interviews Jenna Burgess did, since I'll be referencing them (and they are super interesting). The first one is by PopCultureWithPat and the other one is by kfunggg.

ps: this analysis is over 20k words, I might post it in separated parts that can work individually and if so, I’ll add the links to those posts here.

edit: the analysis is now on AO3 if you'd prefer to read it there

Introduction

First, I think establishing who Melissa is as a character would help explain how this relationship became a thing. As for now, we don’t know much about Melissa’s backstory. She was a character officially introduced in season 2 and became a more important character in season 3, when she started her relationship with Shauna. So what do we know about her character? She’s a high school student, possibly 17 years old as of season 3 (according to the actress), and she was part of the JV team as opposed to the Varsity team. We know she’s a lesbian, and it does play a role in her choices and behaviours, not just because of her sexual preferences but because there is a social context here. It’s the 90s, where homosexuality is still considered taboo, which the show does touch upon. We can assume that, as a gay teen, Melissa was possibly still closeted and may never have had a relationship with another girl before due to the stigma, or possibly not having admitted to herself that she likes girls. Those are speculations, but I’d argue they are very probable possibilities given the time period.

Melissa doesn’t seem to have many close friends outside of Gen, who is someone (if we agree with the actresses playing them) she only befriended after the crash. So it’s possible that before the crash, Melissa was more of a loner who kept to herself. And as a potentially closeted teen, it would make sense that she has a harder time making friends if she’s afraid to be outed and possibly ostracised.

What we’ve seen of her in season 2 is pretty minimal. She mostly only hangs out with Gen; they both keep to themselves, although Gen has other friends (like Mari and Akilah) whom she is seen hanging out with without Melissa. Gen and Melissa’s role in s2 was mostly that of the comedic relief duo, who had funny interactions. We don’t learn much about Melissa as a person, and she’s mostly there to contribute to the group dynamic.

As for her personality, she comes off as someone awkward, somewhat shy, unless she has someone who can back her up. She dared to be more outspoken when she was with Gen, and later when she was with Shauna. But more on that later.

I won’t take too much time describing Shauna since her character is very well established, so I’ll stick to the main points for this analysis. Shauna is someone with a lot of trauma, after losing Jackie and feeling responsible for her death and blaming herself, but she also had a lot of resentment towards Jackie. It’s clear that her feelings for Jackie were complex, a bit of love and hate, and she was never able to process those due to her tragic passing. She can never reconcile with Jackie, talk things through, because she died. And Jackie dying after a violent argument will forever leave Shauna haunted, by what she could have done differently, by the possibility that maybe they could have talked things through. But unfortunately, she will never have this opportunity, and she will remain tormented by that for as long as we have seen her. There is also the death of her baby that added to that trauma, both because it’s a very traumatic event on its own but because the baby was linked to Jackie. It’s because she slept with Jeff and ended up pregnant that they had that argument. I believe that for her, if she could have her baby, it would at least make Jackie’s death not in vain. Losing her baby could have been like losing Jackie again, because now her death served no purpose. I think this is why Shauna, after rescue, married Jeff. She didn’t love him. But Jackie died because she slept with him, so in her mind, this is the only way she has to not make her death in vain and atone for what she did. She’s essentially punishing herself due to her guilt for everything she did in the Wilderness, including her involvement in Jackie’s death.

And as a teen, that amount of trauma led to her behaviors in season 3. She feels alone and unappreciated after they picked Natalie as the leader instead of her. From her perspective, she was more deserving. She thinks she suffered the most, she was the one who did what the others couldn’t, which is to butcher Javi’s corpse so they wouldn’t starve to death. The fact she had to do that to a child after she lost her baby only contributed to her trauma, she had to cover her eyes so much it was distressing for her. So for her, it must have felt like a slap in the face to have Nat become the leader, simply because Lottie decided that it was the will of It (the Wilderness). So Shauna’s frustration at the beginning of season 3 is understandable to an extent, she feels unappreciated, she can’t connect with the others and their newfound devotion to the wilderness. Especially since this faith they build is capitalizing on her personal trauma. They made her dead baby into a mythical figure, Shauna isn’t allowed to grieve in peace; her trauma is constantly shoved into her face. So it’s understandable why she’d isolate herself from the rest of the group; this must be triggering for her. We do see her leave the ceremony as soon as her child is mentioned, and she had to go bury him somewhere else so she could keep a part of him to herself.

Did Melissa love Shauna? (Season 3, episode 1)

So, Shauna had a lot of reasonable anger and frustration at the beginning of season 3, and that led her to be isolated from the others with whom she no longer felt comfortable being with. Not that it excuse her more aggressive behaviors, but I think is understandable why she’d lash out like that given what she went through and how the others acted towards her and her trauma.

As for Melissa had the start of season 3, she does seem to be part of the overall group, she participated into the activities organized by their community and didn’t seem to have much of an issue with it. It meant be because she also started to believe in the Wilderness, or simply because she didn’t want to be excluded. And, it’s not like she had anything else to do, so as well just go along with what others do.

Now, let’s move to their first actual interaction in season 3. Shauna asked for Melissa’s help with the meat. For Shauna, it’s nothing special, Melissa just happened to be the closest person around. But for Melissa, it might mean something more, to have Shauna speak to her and acknowledge her presence.

Then, when Shauna made that very dark comment about Mari, she looked at Melissa, almost as if she was “challenging” her to say something. To tell her what she said was bad. Because that’s what Shauna came to expect from everyone, to be dismissed and viewed in a bad light. But much to her surprise, Melissa didn’t react badly to her comment. On the contrary, she seemingly agreed with Shauna’s distaste for Mari, even attempting a witty remark about how dumb Mari is. This did take Shauna aback, as she was probably not expecting that someone would agree with her. Shauna wasn’t really familiar with Melissa as a person, as she is a JV and a grade or two below her. She made a comment about Melissa, that she was surprised to see she does have a personality.

For Melissa, what was simply a constatation almost felt like a compliment. Shauna noticed her and acknowledged her. She looked flustered at first, then almost proud of herself. To me, it leaves me to believe that at that point, Melissa was already starting to harbour a crush on Shauna. What Shauna told her wasn’t actually nice, since it implies she never bothered to know anything about her until now. But to Melissa, this was as if her crush had finally acknowledged that she exists, and it made her happy. This is the kind of reaction I can only see for someone who did like the other person, and felt like they had finally succeeded at getting noticed by them.

Then came Akilah, trying to gift Shauna a handmade crown for the ceremony, since she was “it’s mother”. Even if, from Akilah’s perspective, what she was doing was kind, it was not how Shauna felt. And with reason. This crown symbolized the loss of her baby and how everyone appropriated her trauma for their personal gain, to make themselves feel better with their Wilderness belief. It wasn’t a gift to her, it was a reminder of what she lost and how even her loss couldn’t belong to her alone.

Melissa noticed Shauna’s discomfort after she slapped the crown to the ground, and Mel made the decision to step on it in front of Shauna. This was the first instance of Melissa doing something somewhat mean to someone (Akilah), by destroying something she put time into making. But why did Melissa do that? I think it was primarily to get Shauna’s attention. She doesn’t have anything against Akilah, and they both seem to be on relatively good terms. So it wasn’t animated by personal animosity towards Akilah. But Melissa saw that Shauna hated that crown and that it made her uncomfortable, so she thought by stepping on it, it would make Shauna acknowledge her even more. She wanted to show her that she was on her side. Shauna had already “praised” her once for saying something mean about Mari, someone Shauna dislikes, so she expected it to work again towards something else Shauna didn’t like.

I'm not sure if Shauna knew why Melissa did that (or cared), but she did look at her as she walked away, so I do think it left a certain impression on Shauna. With everyone being invasive regarding her baby, it might have felt good to see Melissa step on that crown. She might not have realized Melissa did it for her, I don't think Shauna could conceive that someone would take her side, but I still think it could have left a relatively good impression of Melissa on Shauna. Or at least, some curiosity. Something that could have helped later on the line with their relationship.

I’d say by that moment alone, it’s clear to me that by that point, Melissa already had a crush on Shauna. I can’t see why she would go out of her way to try find something witty to say to impress Shauna and then destroy the crown Shauna hated. Those are not actions that could have benefited Melissa personally; they were in response to what Shauna was saying or doing. This was the first time Shauna gave her attention, and Melissa was desperate to keep it going. Her crush had acknowledged her and nothing else mattered to her at that moment.

Season 2 retrospective

Now, let’s take a break from season 3 and ask the question: When did Melissa start to have feelings for Shauna? Let’s put aside that their romance was something that wasn’t planned ahead, since the show could retroactively decide Melissa loved Shauna way before season 3. So let’s only focus on what we can observe. Ever since season 3 began, a lot of people have noticed that Melissa was often standing close to Shauna during season 2. Speculation started that it might have been foreshadowing for their relationship in season 3, but as I said before, it wasn’t planned ahead. But, given they could retroactively say that Melissa did love Shauna in s2, it’s still fair to bring up those. In a recent interview with Jenna Burgess, she was asked about that, and we now finally have our answer as to why Melissa and Shauna were often seen together in season 2. The main reason was simply because Jenna chose to stand close to Shauna to ensure she’d get screentime. It makes sense that being close to the main character would increase her chances of being seen on screen. So it wasn’t a coincidence, but it wasn’t foreshadowing either. It was still an intentional choice by Jenna. But, she also gave another reason why she chose Shauna rather than another main character. She felt like Melissa was drawn to Shauna, because she could relate to her feeling of loneliness. This echoes my interpretation that Melissa was more of a loner. She does have Gen as a friend in season 2, but that’s it. Gen had other friends, and that could make Melissa feel lonely whenever they weren’t together. And that led her to feel a gravitational pull towards Shauna because they’re both lonely.

I do think Melissa’s feelings for Shauna started as sympathy at first. She felt bad for Shauna for what she went through, and it started her interest in her that later developed into having a crush on her. I think she was starting to have a certain interest in Shauna in s2, even if it wasn’t necessarily romantic yet. And maybe even attraction at some point. Jenna did say that there is a brutal side to Shauna that Melissa is very attracted to, so it’s possible that when Shauna became more aggressive (for example, when she beat up Lottie) that it sparked something in Melissa, she was already drawn to her but now she saw another side of Shauna, a side she found disturbingly alluring. That could explain why she said that line to Shauna, “now you give a shit about Lottie?”.

Maybe part of Melissa was still struggling to admit to herself that she felt that way towards Shauna when she beat up Lottie. She was confused as to why Shauna now cared about Lottie, and that confusion could have upset her and led her to say that line. The girl she thought she could relate to ended up being violent, and part of Melissa enjoyed that violence, and it scared her. Not of Shauna, but of herself. And there was perhaps a need to distance herself from Shauna in that moment. Gen had already expressed annoyance at Shauna, so Melissa felt more comfortable doing so, too. There’s also the fact that they were all worried about Lottie, so crush or not, it’s fair for Melissa to be upset at Shauna for nearly killing Lottie. We do see that despite that, Melissa is still seen close to Shauna later on, so it did not put an end to her interest in her.

But hey, that’s just my personal interpretation based on what we know of her in s3. This was probably not the intent in s2, and I think this was mostly just a throwaway line to further the plot more than something meant to inform us on Melissa as a character. Here's an interesting thread on Twitter about all the moments where Melissa is shown close to Shauna or reacting to her.

So, everything I said regarding season 2 and how Melissa could have already have feelings for Shauna is just speculation; nothing is confirmed here. Some people would rather headcanon that she already had a crush on Shauna before the crash. And you know what? That’s also a possibility. But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter when exactly Melissa started to have feelings for Shauna. We may never know. But what we do know is that she does have feelings for Shauna in s3. Even if she doesn’t have feelings for her in s2 or before, it doesn’t fundamentally affect their relationship in s3 and how I’ll be analyzing them. It just adds a bit of flavour to them. Let’s not forget that there was a timeskip between s2 and s3. Season 3 started at the summer solstice, so we skipped all of spring. That’s at least a three-month time skip. Plenty of time for Melissa to develop a genuine crush on Shauna if she didn’t have one already. But then, I’ll have to ask this question: how?

How did Melissa fall in love with Shauna? (s2 and s3 timeskip)

I believe we do have enough information in the text itself to make a reasonable assumption. We know Gen became the new hunter after Travis and was being trained by Nat. It would certainly take a lot of time for Nat to train Gen into becoming the competent hunter we see she become at the start of s3. Which means, Gen spending less time with Melissa. We know Gen is Melissa’s closest friend, which must have left her to feel pretty lonely whenever Gen left to go train with Nat or simply go hunt. That could explain two things I mentioned earlier. Melissa is participating more in the group, because she is herself starting to feel isolated so more likely to cling to whatever she can to not feel alone. At the start of s3 she does seem to get along with some of the other girls, notably Britt and Robin, so she does have people she could consider friends. But Gen still remains her closest friend and she probably misses her, even if they do share a hut there are still a lot of moments they aren’t together, contrasting with their time together in season 2 where they were almost always together.

I think this only strengthened what Melissa could have already felt towards Shauna, feeling drawn to her because they both felt lonely. And if Shauna was lonely in season 2, now she’s flat-out alone and isolated from the others, something Melissa can probably empathize with. I could see that during that timeskip, when she was alone, Melissa spent a lot of time observing Shauna, learning about her through a safe distance, and it developed into a feeling of limerence (that’s a word Jenna used to describe Melissa’s feelings towards Shauna in this article if you are interested). It’s a state of involuntary obsession with another person and an intense longing for someone, even if they don’t reciprocate. It’s not necessarily a feeling of love or lust, but it can feel like that and can develop into those. I think Melissa, in her feeling of loneliness, latched onto what she was feeling towards Shauna. This developed into a crush, even if it was fueled by this feeling of limerence more than simple love or lust.

The beginning of shaunahat (season 3, episode 2)

Now, let’s go back to what is actually happening in season 3. Their second actual interaction is when Melissa followed Shauna to the grave of her baby. This behaviour is starting to feel like stalking, she isn’t just observing Shauna from afar, she is following her around without her knowing. As mentioned earlier, limerance is obsessive by nature, she wanted to know more about Shauna, so she followed her and discovered something. The grave of her child. This was something private to Shauna that she didn’t want the other girls to know. Part of Melissa does feel sympathy for Shauna for what she went through, but I think she doesn’t fully grasp why Shauna wanted a place just for herself. So her decision to put flowers on the grave did come from a good intention; that’s what people usually do to pay respect to the dead. I don’t think Melissa really thinks too deeply about her actions here, in her mind, she was being kind to someone she likes.

But, from what I gathered from how Jenna described this action, yes it came from empathy, but part of Melissa was also curious to see how Shauna would react, so she hid instead of just leaving. She likes to observe Shauna, so seeing her reaction isn’t something she would have wanted to miss. She probably didn’t expect that Shauna would react this negatively, because I don’t think she realized how much Shauna was terrified of someone finding out where she buried her child. She might have assumed Shauna would be relieved to see that someone cared for her and her loss and was looking for a more positive reaction. This shows that at this point, Melissa’s understanding of Shauna is very shallow and this is more about how she feels about Shauna rather than how Shauna is feeling. It’s not ill-intentioned, but it’s very naive of her and shows a certain immaturity when it comes to romance.

Melissa got caught. She could have attempted to run but she didn’t think she was in any real danger. As I said, her understanding of Shauna is very shallow and she failed to see how panicked Shauna was to see her there. And Shauna at this point barely knows anything about Melissa, from all she knows, she’s part of the cult that keeps worshipping her dead baby. She’s right to be on edge and worried. She does feel threatened and attacked in a place where she’s vulnerable, where she just wants to be able to grieve her child in peace. So Melissa being there is akin to an invasion and perhaps even aggression to her, and Shauna feels right to go on the offensive.

Melissa definitely noticed how Shauna was starting to get more and more aggressive. She might not have understood exactly why, but she did try to defuse the situation. But as the awkward girl she is (and with “no game”, per Jenna’s words) she unintentionally made things worse. It did seem for a moment that Shauna might calm down when Melissa tried to assure her she wasn’t there for her baby, and started expressing how much sympathy she had for her and then showing her in compliments. All of those were desperate attempts to get on Shauna’s good side after upsetting her. Then Melissa started feeling a bit too bold when she thought she had managed to calm down Shauna and tried to express how she felt about Shauna in a clumsy way, telling her she “wasn’t scared of her”. For Melissa, this was meant as a compliment, a way for her to show Shauna she liked her and wanted to be around her, unlike the others. She was trying to show Shauna she wasn’t like them and she could trust her.

But of course, that’s not how Shauna interpreted it. She might have seemed to be calming down, she wasn’t. She was a ticking bomb, still very much on edge by having someone invading her personal space, someone getting involved yet again in her private trauma. I’m not sure if she was fully registering what Melissa was telling her or if she was too panicked to fully hear her. But then, when she heard Melissa say she wasn’t scared of her, this didn’t come off as a compliment to her. It was an insult. In her mind, Melissa was provoking her. Because that’s what she’s used to, to people insulting and provoking her, and disrespecting her feelings. And as the ticking bomb she was, she exploded at that moment. Melissa had given her a reason, in her mind, to attack. She was a menace that needed to be dealt with. So she threatened her at knife point to never speak of this, because to Shauna, this was what it was all about. Her child, her right to have a place just for herself. She did not care about anything else Melissa had to say. All she could see was that she was endangering the only remaining piece of her baby that she could claim for herself. And for that, Shauna was willing to threaten to kill Melissa to keep it a secret.

Then, the infamous kiss happened. Why did Melissa kiss Shauna? Two reasons were given by the actress. The main one being, she had a crush on Shauna. If Shauna was going to kill her, this was her only chance to express her feelings for her. She had nothing to lose so why not at least try? The other reason was self-preservation. In that moment, Melissa was terrified of dying. Shen wasn’t thinking clearly. She was desperate to survive, so she did something impulsive in the hope it could save her. She kissed Shauna. This was a split-second decision made by someone who was desperate, born both from her crush on Shauna and the fear of dying. If you are about to get killed, might as well do what you weren’t able to do before. It might be your last chance. Thankfully for Melissa, it worked. She did not get killed by Shauna.

Now, let’s switch to Shauna’s perspective. She’s angry, panicked, holding a knife to some girl’s throat, someone she barely knows. She’s not aware that Melissa has been harbouring those feelings for her. She is nothing more than a nuisance to her at that time. Until she suddenly launched to kiss her. This is probably the last thing Shauna expected would happen. We saw that she was shocked and confused, and it did diffused her anger.

Why did she kiss Melissa back? Well, for many reasons. If I go by Jenna’s words, Shauna was so broken at that time that she just went “huh, what the hell, sure”. If I go by Sophie’s words, after being kissed, Shauna realized that she was “kind of into it”. Both can be true. Shauna was at her lowest. She felt isolated and unappreciated by everyone, but suddenly there was this random girl who kissed her? Showed interest in her? Despite how she behaves, Shauna does feel lonely, she misses Jackie, and she misses having someone with her. And given it’s obvious Shauna had feelings for Jackie that went beyond friendship, something she will never have the chance to explore or even fully accept, having a girl make a move on her awakened something in her. This part of her she never fully acknowledged, her attraction to girls. It’s unclear what Shauna’s exact sexuality is, but we can assume she is indeed queer. And that kiss from Melissa made her feel something, something she liked, and she wanted to feel more of it. So she kissed her back.

If the kiss for Melissa was a way to express her feelings for Shauna, it wasn’t the same for Shauna. At that point, Shauna couldn’t care less about Melissa. She is merely a vessel for her own feelings. The kiss wasn’t romantic to her, it was feral, hungry, and dominating. We can see the contract in how they hold each other. Melissa has her hands on Shauna’s waist, a more loving gesture, and she’s fully leaning into the kiss. Meanwhile, Shauna kept the knife to her throat, establishing dominance and control in the situation. She did not care what Melissa was thinking, she cared about what she wanted, and at that moment she was craving the feeling this kiss was giving her. She didn’t let go of the knife because she needed to stay in control and have the power. After feeling so exposed and in a vulnerable state when Melissa found the grave, this was her way to reclaim control of the situation by dominating her in the kiss while craving something she wanted at that moment.

As we can see, this kiss was something completely unexpected for both of them. I know some people think Melissa specifically went after Shauna to gain power and protection, but that’s inconsistent with what we have seen so far. She couldn’t have predicted how Shauna would react to her. That and as mentioned before, Shauna is very isolated and considered unstable by the others; she’s not the best pick if you are after power and protection. If anything, Melissa put herself in more danger by pursuing Shauna. She had no reason to even pursue power and protection at that point. They were relatively safe; her best friend Gen was the new hunter, working directly under their leader Nat, and Melissa seemed to get along with most of the group at that point. She was in a comfy situation where there was no reason for her to go after Shauna- unless she actually had feelings for her.

That brings me to my next point. Did Melissa actually love Shauna? It’s a loaded question that even Jenna struggled to answer. It’s undeniable that Melissa, at the very least, had a crush on Shauna and strong feelings for her that she would call love. According to Jenna, in Melissa’s mind, she and Shauna were the love story of her life. Now, you might bring up the fact that adult Melissa claimed that she never loved Shauna, and to that I would reply “why are you believing anything this woman is saying?”. I’d rather keep the 25 years later stuff for later, but I’ll just clarify for this section. It’s possible adult Melissa is either lying or is in denial. After all, 25 years have passed and people’s perception can change. When asked about this, Jenna had something interesting to say. That what you believe to be love as a 17 years old might differ from a 42 years old. After 25 years, Melissa can have reflected on that and decided, as a grown woman, that it wasn’t love. But it doesn’t change the fact that currently, for the teen Melissa, what she feels is love and it’s what informs her actions throughout the teen timeline. She wasn’t using Shauna, her primary goal wasn’t to get power or safety for herself, it was to get with Shauna. At least, for now it’s her main goal. More on that later.

After the kiss (season 3, episode 3)

Let’s skip after the kiss. The next time we see Shauna and Melissa together is when Melissa followed Shauna around and found her writing in her journal, which Shauna called “stalking”. The way both of them acted is interesting. Shauna at first showed a lack of interest, barely looking at Melissa and still writing in her diary. The kiss hasn’t affected her the same way it did Melissa. For Shauna, it might have been a one-time thing, something she can brush off because she doesn’t actually care about Melissa at that time. I’d say there’s a high chance if Melissa didn’t approach her again, Shauna would have moved on. Shauna has too much on her mind to put too much thought into this.

But for Melissa, the kiss meant a lot. It felt like perhaps there was a chance Shauna could reciprocate her feelings, so she approached her as such. She was nervous, shy, awkward, clearly came with a prepared speech in mind, she might have rehearsed in her head a few times. But when Shauna spoke first, it threw off Melissa, who had something she had planned to say. Instead of replying to what Shauna accused her of (stalking), Melissa still went with what she originally planned to say, coming off as very nervous and awkward. Her outfit is also worth noting. Other than in winter, where characters would just wear as many layers as possible to keep themselves warm, Melissa is never seen wearing a skirt in season 3. This is the first time she has worn one. She also took the time to braid her hair. It was as if she were dressing up to “impress” Shauna. Trying to look her best to go see her crush. Because to her, the kiss was romantic, and she had hope that there could be something between them now. She was imagining they could just have a talk about what happened and maybe start a relationship.

She was not expecting to be met with complete indifference. Melissa was clearly shocked and upset by Shauna seemingly not caring. And probably hurt too. Perhaps it wasn’t the first time she kissed a girl only to be ignored after, and have the other girl act as if it never happened, due to the 90s homophobia. So Melissa turned around, probably feeling dumb to have hoped in the first place… but then Shauna called her and told her she could stay- if she wanted.

Why the change of heart from Shauna? I think if Melissa never approached her again, Shauna might have moved on, yes. But since Melissa did come back and let it be known she was still interested, part of Shauna wanted to know why. Shauna is at a point where she can’t fathom someone wanting to be with her. She feels like everyone turns their back on her, but then there’s this girl who’s relatively unknown to her, who is showing interest in her. I don’t think Shauna had an interest in Melissa, but she had an interest in why Melissa was interested in her. It was curiosity at best. So she gave Melissa a choice, if she wanted to stay, instead of making the decision herself. And Melissa did stay.

Of course, Melissa would want to stay. Her crush allowed her to be near her. To her, it was an opportunity, and she could still hope Shauna would reciprocate her interest. But she just sat down, silent, probably too shy and nervous to actually say something. This led Shauna to ask her if she’s going to turn out to be “fucking boring”. Melissa probably didn’t know what to reply to that, so instead she just smiled awkwardly, then her gaze on Shauna looked loving. She truly was heartstruck by her. And for the rare time this season, Shauna smiled (well, smirked). She looked up and down Melissa like it was the first time she actually took the time to appraise her. First she noticed Melissa did have a personality, and now she noticed what she looked like. Judging by her expression, Shauna did like what she saw. It might not have been an actual attraction at that point, but Melissa’s appearance was deemed okay for Shauna at that moment.

There are a few tidbits in the rest of this episode that are interesting. One of them is technically a deleted scene. After Mari had come back and revealed Ben was still out there, Shauna asks, “Anyone that wants to come with me?” which, according to Jenna, Melissa raised her hand and said “Me!” while pushing through the others. It’s a shame it got cut because not only does it sound funny, it shows how eager Melissa was to get on Shauna’s good side. Though that might be why it was cut, to leave this development for episode 4. Either way, at the end of the episode, when they found Van, Akilah and Shauna unconscious because of the gas, Melissa was standing next to Shauna and looked very concerned for her. It’s not really visible in the episode itself, but you can see it in some of the stills. If anything, that furthered my point that she does care for Shauna.

The Courtship (season 3, episode 4)

Alright, episode 4 is where Melissa’s infatuation with Shauna starts to show signs of being a bit more insidious. This isn’t just a simple crush anymore, Melissa actually has hope she can be with Shauna at this point. Shauna hasn’t fully reciprocated yet, but didn’t push away Melissa. She even told her she hopes she won’t turn out to be boring, something I’m sure Melissa took to heart. Shauna gave her a challenge, a condition for her if she wants to be worthy of her. It enboldened her and led her to more extreme actions.  And this whole episode, especially the trial, was Melissa trying to impress Shauna, to show her she won’t be boring, that she can count on her and that she has her back. She wants Shauna to like her and view her as useful, as someone she needs and is worthy to be by her side. And that’s not just how I feel about that, that’s also what Jenna said. That the trial was Melissa’s “stage” and she was putting on a performance to impress Shauna. The crazy eyes she was giving were on purpose. Essentially, she’s trying to show her that she can match her freak.

This episode is when Melissa started to take more questionable actions on behalf of Shauna. I don’t think she knew for sure that Ben burned down the cabin, but she did not care. What mattered to her was that Shauna wanted him to be guilty, and she was going to do anything she could to ensure that, for Shauna. Her infatuation with Shauna started to negatively affect others, it came at the detriment of the people around her. First there is Gen, who is Melissa’s closest friend, who Melissa pressured into voting guilty. Gen clearly was not comfortable with that and felt bad for doing so. But she was being pressured by both Melissa and Shauna. Mel put her in a tough position where she had to choose between standing up with Nat, whom she respects, or doing what Melissa wanted. It’s not the worst thing someone can do, but it’s still bad to pressure someone who is supposed to be your friend and who is clearly uncomfortable to do something like that.

It shows Melissa is willing to use her own friends to further her goal, which is to be with Shauna. Then the other person who was hurt by Melissa’s desire to be with Shauna was Ben, who ended up being voted guilty, even though he was most likely innocent. She contributed to getting a man the death sentence because she was in love with Shauna. This is how sinister her infatuation with Shauna had become. It wasn’t just an innocent crush anymore, but something that could be hurtful to others. Not that I think Melissa was viewing it that way or was intentionally being hurtful, in her mind, all she was doing was supporting the girl she loves and maybe getting her to like her back. It’s a lack of concern for how her actions affect others because she’s too focused on one thing: Shauna.

Another interesting detail in that episode is how much Melissa is shown looking at Shauna during the trial. She looked very on edge when Shauna was questioned by Misty and Taissa. But the more interesting detail is when Ben is doing his speech. Most of them, including Shauna, are listening to him, some of them feeling moved by what he is saying. Melissa is not focusing on Ben, she is looking at Shauna. As I said earlier, Melissa's priority is Shauna, and everything else, including Ben, is secondary to her at the moment. I think she was trying to see how Ben's speech was affecting Shauna, to decide how she should feel about it, too. As Jenna said, this was a performance for her to impress Shauna. And she did a fantastic job portraying how everything she was doing was about Shauna and how this was her main focus.

As for Shauna, after intimidating the jury into voting guilty, she got a taste of what she views as power. And I think so did Melissa. I said earlier Melissa didn’t seek power from Shauna, but I do believe after this episode, she got a taste of power, or rather the power she saw in Shauna. This added to her attraction to her. This gave her a rush to see what she helped Shauna accomplish. This got so much into her head that she dared to express that to Shauna, whom she suspects desires power, with such confidence she’s usually lacking around her. And I think at this moment, Shauna did start to see something in Melissa. Someone who perhaps can actually understand what she desires, and can support her. And that led to this strange hand-holding they did, Shauna giving Melissa a little treat for her help, something to keep her loyal to her. Kind of like giving a treat to a dog after they were good. But I don’t think Shauna was ready yet to go further; this was just a little something to keep Melissa interested in her, but her heart wasn’t there yet. And that’s something we see in the next episode.

Speaking of heart, I want you to pay attention to the feather on Melissa's shirt. Jenna was asked about that on Instagram, and she said Melissa sewed it there herself on her shirt for "formality". It's on her left side, where her heart is. Not that it's important for this episode itself, but this will be once I reach episode 7. So keep that detail in mind.

When the Ship sailed (season 3, episode 5)

Then comes episode 5, where Melissa is still supporting whatever Shauna is proposing. Burning Ben alive? Sure, why not, whatever you want, babe. Except Shauna feels a bit put off by how enthusiastic Melissa is to go along with what she wants. Maybe part of her starts to feel a little bit suspicious. It’s echoed when they have a discussion later. Shauna is in disbelief that Melissa could like her. I think she doesn’t believe anyone could like the person she has become. Despite how aggressive Shauna has become by that point, she is still self-aware that her actions are not making her particularly likable, and she’s dealing with a lot of self-loathing. Especially due to her guilt regarding what happened to Jackie.

We can see that the trial and the hand-holding gave more confidence to Melissa. It kept her going now that she has more hope for a relationship. We don’t know exactly when she started to work on the sheath, but this was definitely a well-thought-out gift. Something she knew could be useful for Shauna. Something she put a lot of time and care into making. She even put the initial “S” on it and wrapped it up to make it look pretty.

Not going to lie, I initially did not recognize that it was a sheath, so I thought Melissa was giving Shauna some wilderness bouquet. But my point is, this was a nice, personalized gift for someone she loves. And in itself, it was a cute and thoughtful gesture. Now, we could talk about the symbolism of it. Melissa is making a sheath for the knife that Shauna nearly killed her with. A subtle way to show how she’s enabling her violent side. But also, how Melissa believes she can contain said violent side. It’s as if she believes she can be the sheath to Shauna’s knife, that just like those two items, they “fit” together. There’s also an intimate connotation regarding a sheath and (usually) a sword, replaced here by a knife. That’s all to say, it is both a genuine gift but also carries a darker meaning regarding their relationship.

Let’s go back to the scene itself. Melissa once again followed Shauna and tried to engage in a conversation with her. Shauna isn’t in the mood for company and signals to Melissa that she wants to be left alone. Unlike last time, Mel doesn’t take it too personally as she has come to have a better understanding of Shauna and knows she isn’t being rejected. She still wants to give her the gift she made for her and started to walk away. When Shauna saw the gift, she was shocked. She couldn’t believe someone who put time and effort into making her something. She even asked why Melissa even liked her. She doesn’t even like herself so why would someone else do? I do think she’s still suspicious of Melissa’s intention, given Shauna’s paranoid nature and inability to think she’s worthy of being loved.

At this point, Melissa had learned more about Shauna and how to interact with her. She knows she shouldn’t just say what she thinks Shauna needs to hear, but what she wants to hear. This is the part that caused some issues among certain people, when Melissa said that Jackie “treated Shauna like shit”. Obviously, the truth is far more nuanced than that. We know as viewers that Jackie did care for Shauna. But does Melissa know? She wasn’t privy to the personal moments between Jackie and Shauna or their individual thoughts. All she knows of them is what she could observe. She most likely based her opinion of how Jackie and Jeff treated Shauna on their last argument, because that’s what would have impacted her the most. Also, Melissa’s goal is to date Shauna, so of course she’s going to badmouth these two. It’s nothing personal against them, she probably didn’t really know them. But she knows that’s what Shauna wants to hear. She wants to believe she was being victimized, so she feels less guilty about this. Melissa is validating Shauna’s feelings, regardless if they are right or wrong. In a way, it was manipulative of Melissa to do that. Then she complimented Shauna’s “bad parts”, because she knows it’s probably something Shauna is complexed about. But Melissa wants her to know she loves those parts of her, that she’s not afraid of her, that she embraces every part of her. Despite the manipulation, she does want Shauna to know she does like her. And that gift was her way to show her love for her. This does seem to have an effect on Shauna as she even thanks Melissa for the gift, even smiling at her, and the latter promptly leaves to give Shauna the space she needed.

I’d like to comment on Melissa’s outfit. Other than the fact I personally find it atrocious, Melissa’s choice to wear a vest is interesting. It’s not a practical choice, it’s summer after all, and she’s clearly not cold given she only wears a t-shirt and shorts. People have pointed out that wearing that vest might have been a way to emulate Jackie’s fashion style, so it could have been part of Melissa’s strategy to impress Shauna. Just like I think she dressed to impress Shauna in episode 3, I think she might have done so too here. And hey, I guess it worked in the end.

Fast forward to the end of the episode, where things took a dark turn. Shauna has been charged with cutting Ben’s Achilles to ensure he can’t escape. Now, a lot of people misunderstood that scene as something Shauna decided to do on her own. It wasn’t. This was a group decision; Shauna was merely assigned that task. Shauna decided to bring Melissa with her. As I said earlier, Shauna was still suspicious of her, and we know Shauna doesn’t really trust people anymore. So she decided to use this as an opportunity to test Melissa’s devotion to her. Melissa may say she likes her, that she accepts her “bad parts”, she may give her gifts, but can she truly be trusted? To what extent is she willing to go for Shauna? That’s what she decided to test by making Melissa do the cutting. At first Melissa refused, which is a reasonable reaction. Most people would feel aversion at the idea of hurting someone else. But then Shauna was now the one being manipulative, using Melissa’s own words against her, telling her she also needs to embrace her “bad parts”. Then, desperate for Shauna’s approval, Melissa did as she was told with some hesitation. I don’t think she enjoyed hurting Ben in itself, but she did enjoy seeing that it pleased Shauna.

On Shauna’s side, she had her answer. She could, to a certain degree, trust Melissa. She had proven her loyalty to her. Shauna had found a companion who could actually stand by her side and accept her for who she was now, including her bad parts. Shauna decided that Melissa had passed her test and made their relationship official to everyone by holding her bloody hand, symbolizing how she shares the blame with her for what they did to Ben. Melissa was willing to dirty her hands for her, so Shauna showed she wasn’t afraid to get her hands dirty either. They were now linked by the blood they spilled together and showed it to everyone. Then Shauna dragged Melissa to her hut, officially accepting her as her partner for everyone to see, or even publicly “claiming” her. Melissa seemed surprised at first. Not only did she look like she was somewhat dissociating after cutting Ben, as the thrill was starting to drop and she was realizing what she had done, but then Shauna publicly held her hand, the hand that was covered in blood. She had finally gotten what she wanted, at a bloody price. It was a lot for her to handle and process.

Then, before entering Shauna’s hut, we see her turn around, but it’s unclear exactly what that meant. It seemed like she might have been looking at Van or Gen specifically, given their position in that scene, or just the group as a whole. I personally think she wanted them to know she was now dating Shauna. Not necessarily to be smug or brag about it, but because this was something she had been hoping for a while now, and she finally succeeded. She was proud of herself and wanted people to see what she had accomplished. She needed for it to feel real and to be acknowledged by the others. As for what happened in the hut after that… the show leaves it to our imagination (and the fanfic writers, bless them).

Shauna and Melissa’s relationship so far (analysis intermission)

Alright, I’m halfway through the season now, and since we reached the point where they are officially dating, it’s time to discuss why they are together. As in, what they see in each other and what they gain from that relationship.

Let’s start with Melissa. This one might be easier since we know she loves Shauna, so that’s the main reason why she wants to be in a relationship with her. I mentioned earlier that she was drawn to her due to relating to her loneliness, but she was also attracted to her brutal sides, to her “bad parts”. But a lot of people wondered why Melissa would want to be in a relationship with someone she knows is violent and could be dangerous to her, going as far as to blame her when Shauna inevitably does abuse her. More on that later, since this will be touched upon once I’m talking about episode 9. For now, let’s focus on why Melissa wants to stay in that relationship.

At the beginning of this analysis, I talked about Melissa as a character and this is when this is going to be relevant. She’s a gay teenager in the 90s who most likely never had the chance to have an actual relationship with another girl. They are currently stuck in a situation where they don’t know if they will survive. They don’t have the luxury to think about the future, or even hope to have a future beyond the wilderness. So for someone like Melissa, who ended up kissing Shauna by pure chance and then starting a relationship with her, this is probably not something she’d want to let go of. From her perspective, someone like Shauna would normally be considered “out of league” if it wasn’t for their current situation. So of course Melissa is going to grab that opportunity with both hands. She wants to experience being in a relationship with a girl she loves at least once in her life, because she doesn’t know if she will ever get the chance again. Both because she doesn’t know if she will survive the wilderness, but because even if she does and gets rescued, this is the 90s. Society isn’t particularly accepting of gay people. The series itself took the time to show that the fear of homophobia was strong enough that Taissa didn’t want to be rescued. So it’s a fair assumption that part of Melissa knows that if they do get rescued, she won’t have the same freedom anymore to date a girl. Dating Shauna might feel like her only chance to experience that in her life, so she doesn’t want to let go of this opportunity. I can also draw a parallel to Jackie in season 1 not wanting to die a virgin so she decided to have sex with Travis. Similarly, Melissa wants to experience a relationship, she wants to experience love, sex, all of it, in case she might never have the chance to do so again. Also, what else is there to do in the wilderness? Might as well enjoy the present moment.

We could add that at this point, she probably does seek a bit of power and protection from Shauna, now that she is finally in her good graces. "People are willing to do messed up things just to see another day" as she said herself. She wants to survive. She feels safer being on Shauna’s side now that she’s her girlfriend. So I’d say, the reason why Melissa stayed with Shauna for so long is a mixture of genuine love and attraction for her, the fear she might never get the chance to experience a relationship again, and for protection.

As for Shauna, why is she with Melissa? First, I need to dismantle two misconceptions. Unlike popular belief, Melissa is not a replacement for Jackie. No one can replace Jackie in Shauna’s eyes. But make no mistake, this is still very much about Jackie. Shauna/Melissa is meant to be a reversal of Jackie/Shauna. Melissa isn’t replacing Jackie because Shauna is. Or at least, Shauna is emulating this twisted version of Jackie she made in her mind. Which means Melissa is actually replacing Shauna- or rather, the person Shauna used to be when Jackie was still alive. This is something Sophie Nélisse mentioned, that Shauna can see her past self in Melissa. Shauna wants to be the Jackie for once, and have her own Shauna who follows her around and who she feels she can control, because that’s how she felt with Jackie. Her relationship with Melissa is yet another way to cope with her complex feelings regarding Jackie, the love and hate she feels towards her, her unadmitted attraction to her, her unassumed queerness as a whole.

The second misconception is that Shauna doesn’t like Melissa. I think she does and we are shown in the series that she does. Of course, what she feels towards Melissa will never compare to what she felt for Jackie. I don’t think Shauna can love anyone more than she loved Jackie. But, it doesn’t mean she didn’t have some feelings towards Melissa. Maybe not genuine romantic love, but at least a certain fondness for her, and did like having her by her side. If Shauna didn’t like Melissa, she wouldn’t probably not tolerate her presence the way she does. She wouldn’t have threatened Mari to take care of her after she got hurt. She wouldn’t have tried to reconcile with Melissa after she was upset over the arrow incident and she wouldn’t have been this mad when Melissa tried to leave her later. In her own ways, Shauna showed that she did like and care about Melissa. Accepting that doesn’t remove the love she has for Jackie, it doesn’t take anything away from Jackie and Shauna’s relationship. If anything, it strengthens it.

Shauna likes Melissa for what she brings to her. She allows her to be in a relationship where she is the one in control, she makes Shauna feel powerful. She loves having someone who is beneath her and whom she has power over. Melissa also validates her feelings, help her cope with the guilt she feels over Jackie’s death. Also, as much as Shauna isolated herself from the rest of the group, it doesn’t mean she likes to be alone. She does miss Jackie. Melissa might not be a replacement for Jackie specifically, her presence still fills a void in Shauna. She has someone to share a bed with again, someone who can bring her some form of comfort, and satisfy a need for intimacy. And same for Melissa, what else is there to do when you are stuck in the wilderness? Melissa has always proven her devotion to her, so she might as well take what she’s being offered. She has nothing to lose and all to gain from someone who is this giving towards her. And all of this is why she’s with Melissa. For the power, the comfort, the gratification it brings her. But part of her did come to like and care for Melissa beyond that, and I’ll touch upon that later.

The Calm before the Storm (season 3, episodes 6 and 7)

Alright, let’s move to episode 6. It has been months now that Shauna and Melissa have been dating. And judging by how casually Melissa can hug Shauna from behind and Shauna accepting this gesture of affection (in public, no less), it’s safe to assume they did have a relatively peaceful relationship so far. Melissa used to be so careful whenever she interacted with Shauna before, so for her to be able to do that so casually means it has become something she’s used to do with Shauna. They are close enough for PDA. It’s unclear if Shauna likes that, but she at least tolerates it. If she hated it, she wouldn’t allow Melissa to do that.

Interesting point to note, Taissa noticed that Shauna seemed “better” since she’s dating Melissa. Of course, Shauna isn’t actually “better” on a deeper level, but Melissa’s presence at the very least helps, even if it’s just making Shauna less aggressive in general. Enough for Taissa to consider that Shauna seems “better”. And Melissa does seem satisfied with that relationship, maybe even a bit proud. Not much is shown of them for the rest of the episode, but Melissa is quick to turn against Nat after she kills Ben, possibly because she knows this is what Shauna wants, showing that she’s still acting like her loyal lapdog. Nat being shunned by the group benefits her as it would allow Shauna to take over. Ultimately, it was Lottie who crowned Shauna their new queen, but it was something Melissa was looking forward to. She is seen later during the feast with Shauna, clearly enjoying the new position her girlfriend got.

Then we move to episode 7, when the group is discovered by some outsiders. After Lottie kills one of them, they have to chase the other two. If you pay attention, Melissa is actually one of those who reacted the fastest. She was all the way in the back and sprinted to go catch them (watch this clip to see what I mean). I think it’s possible she was this eager to catch them because she wanted to impress Shauna. She felt a bit too confident, emboldened by her relationship with Shauna. Her rushing the fastest might be why Kodiak decided to shoot her specifically. As Jenna said, she “simped too much to the sun”. So it would make sense that her infatuation with Shauna could have led to her getting injured. Either way, after being shot, Melissa’s first reaction is to call for Shauna, asking her not to leave her. A normal request one would make if they are injured and in pain, to ask for their significant other to stay with them. It might have been unreasonable for Melissa to expect Shauna to stay, but it’s not unrealistic for her to ask that. She was hurt, in pain and scared for her life.

Shauna ultimately didn’t stay, but it doesn’t mean she didn’t care or wasn’t worried for Melissa. She did threaten to kill Mari if she let Melissa die, which does show she did care. But the way Shauna shows she cares is with violence, because she’s the type who resorts to violence to get what she wants. She was also willing to kill Hannah, not only because she was a potential witness, but because of what Kodi did to Melissa. Once again, showing she cares with violence. The only reason she spared Hannah is because she promised medical supplies, showing once again that Shauna did care enough about Melissa to value having those supplies. In Shauna’s head, what she did was right. She made sure someone would take care of Melissa, she chased after the people who hurt her girlfriend, and she managed to bring one of them back as well as medical supplies.

But from Melissa’s perspective, Shauna had abandoned her when she needed her the most. Melissa probably rarely ever asks anything from Shauna other than being her girlfriend. This is a relationship where Melissa is the one who gives the most. And she was fine with that, until the moment she actually needed something from Shauna. By leaving, Shauna showed her that when she actually does need something from her, she won’t get it. Melissa spent the entire night in pain, with an arrow stuck in her shoulder, scared that she might die. She wanted her girlfriend by her side at that moment, and she couldn’t get Shauna to even do that for her. The look she gave Shauna when she came back speaks for itself. For the first time, Melissa couldn’t overlook the red flags. She realized Shauna’s “bad parts” we bad for her too. This incident was the first push to break her rose-tinted glasses. She realized Shauna wouldn’t be there for her when she actually needed it, that she can’t protect her from harm, and she started to doubt Shauna even liked her.

I love how Jenna compared this to the myth of Cupid's two arrows, where one arrow can make you fall in love, while the other makes you fall out of love. Interestingly, Melissa got shot on the right side, the opposite of where her heart is. And in episode 4, she wore a feather on the left side of her shirt (yeah, that's why I told you to remember that detail). Not only could it have been a foreshadowing of her getting shot, but represents one of the arrows. Melissa, in that episode, was desperately trying to impress Shauna, she was still madly in love with her. And she wore that feather on her left side, where her heart is, symbolizing how she was falling more in love with Shauna after the trial. And she is the one who sewed that feather there, symbolizing she chose to pursue her love for Shauna. Then, the actual arrow she got shot with in her right side symbolizes Melissa "falling out" of love, or rather, realizing this love wasn't good for her.

The beginning of the End (season 3, episode 8)

We continue to see the resentment Melissa feels towards Shauna now in episode 8. She openly scoffs at Shauna when Hannah mistakes her for their captain. Melissa eventually expressed that frustration to Shauna once they were in their hut. Shauna is quick to dismiss Melissa’s anger as if it’s not a big deal. I was surprised at first about how Melissa was so upfront about being angry with Shauna, especially with Shauna’s reaction being “what’s your problem this time”. This does seem to imply it’s not the first time Melissa has had an issue with Shauna. That perhaps their relationship wasn’t as “peaceful” as it seemed in episode 6. They had moments before where they disagreed and perhaps even got into arguments. I think Melissa had accumulated a lot of frustration towards Shauna in these past few months, that she was shoving deep down inside of her because she was desperate to stay with Shauna, or was making justification for Shauna because of the sympathy she had for what she went through. But after the arrow incident, that frustration finally exploded with the loud "YOU" she told Shauna when she asked what her problem was.

It does feel like a huge red flag for me that Shauna reacted so dismissively to Melissa saying “I can’t wait to be away from you, even rolling her eyes in annoyance. As if it’s not something that she should be worried about. I think Shauna is used to having Melissa being sometimes upset at her, so to her this is nothing new. And given how very much still in love we saw Melissa being with Shauna in episode 6, it probably always ended up the same way. With Melissa forgiving Shauna for whatever she had done to her. So Shauna attempted to smooth-talk her, trying to appease her like she probably did the other time Melissa was upset at her. Shauna expected that this would be no different this time.

Except this time it was different. Melissa didn’t have to tolerate Shauna’s behavior. Because unlike the other times, she now had the hope of being rescued, she had hope for a future outside the wilderness. She still had feelings for Shauna, but if they got rescued, there was no guarantee Shauna would still be with her. After all, Shauna left her behind when she actually needed her. So for Melissa, if she had to end things with Shauna, or at least finally express her frustration with her girlfriend, now was the time. At least she wouldn’t be losing everything.

Shauna did look taken aback to see Melissa was upset about the arrow thing. She genuinely thought she did the right thing. For a split second, maybe Shauna did consider that perhaps she had been wrong. But this is Shauna we are talking about. She isn’t the type to admit being wrong. So she changed her tactic, telling Melissa to “believe what she wants”, pushing the responsibility on her, making Melissa doubt herself. Then Shauna opted for something she knows works on Melissa: violence. She told Melissa she might kill Kodiak for her. And this does seem to work, showing that despite her frustration with Shauna, part of her still likes her violent side, and finds the idea that her girlfriend would kill for her appealing. If she was starting to think Shauna might not like her, this probably makes her feel like she does. Their relationship has been built with violence, from their first kiss being a knife point to Shauna finally dating her after she injured Ben. So part of her might associate violence with love. Then Shauna tells her to “stop being a bitch” and hands her her hat, which seems to have sealed the deal with Melissa forgiving Shauna. Calling her a bitch might have been something playful between them, but this could also be a warning. Something Shauna tells her when Melissa is crossing a line and she wants her to behave. 

Melissa’s demeanour changes afterward, asking Shauna what she wants to do once they get rescued. I think part of her wanted to see if Shauna had any intention to stay with her outside the wilderness. When she noticed that Shauna was zoning out, her first instinct was to ask her if she would bring the sheath she had made for her with her, since it symbolizes their relationship. I think Melissa rambling so much about what she wanted to do was her being nervous, because she was uncertain about her relationship with Shauna once they got rescued and was seeking reassurance. She needed to know she was right for forgiving Shauna this time and that all of this was worth it. Handing her her sheath is a way to see if Shauna is still interested in their relationship, “bring it home” with her could symbolize “bringing our relationship home” too. At that time Shauna was having an existential crisis, because she can’t imagine herself going back home without Jackie. She absentmindedly took the sheath, her hand shaking. Melissa smiles when Shauna takes the sheath, so I think part of her wanted to believe this meant their relationship was still salvageable and it was worth it for her to still put up with Shauna. It’s also interesting to note that they both handed each other an item. Shauna handed Melissa her hat, which she knows Melissa is attached to, while Melissa handed Shauna her sheath, which she hopes Shauna has an attachment to.

The Breakup (season 3, episode 9)

Now we move to episode 9, where Shauna has decided that they won’t leave after all. We see that at first, Melissa is part of “Team Crazy” (those who don’t want to leave). It’s obvious that Melissa does want to get rescued and she’s there mostly because Shauna is part of that team. She still wants to be with Shauna and might hope that staying is only temporary, given that’s what Taissa said. Shauna acted somewhat rudely to Melissa during the Team Crazy meeting, showing that she is taking for granted that Melissa won’t leave her. After she forgave her for the arrow incident, Shauna fell back into her old habit. She’s also starting to grow more and more paranoid regarding “Team Rescue”, thinking that they are plotting against her. So that makes her more snappy, even towards her girlfriend.

Then we reached the infamous breakup scene. Let’s start from the beginning. Melissa is charged with watching over the hostages, which include Hannah. This is a scene that showed that despite some questionable and even reprehensible behaviors Melissa showed throughout the season (especially when it came to Shauna), she is capable of genuine compassion, immediately showing sympathy to Hannah when she learned she had a daughter. It makes sense for Melissa to be particularly empathetic to this, given this is something she strongly felt towards Shauna too, she felt bad for her regarding the loss of her child. An interesting comment Melissa made while she was bonding with Hannah is about “horny teenage girls”. I think it’s fair to assume it’s about her and Shauna. Van was right, they really were living in “fun huts”. More seriously, this is just a confirmation that Shauna and Melissa were sexually active (and a lot if it’s enough for Mel to call them horny), but being intimate was already heavily implied at the end of episode 5.

Moving on to the more heavy aspect of this scene. Shauna caught Melissa laughing with Hannah and it set her off. Melissa could tell something was wrong and immediately went after Shauna to check on her. She was worried but she also failed to realize how serious this was for Shauna. But why was Shauna so upset? For multiple reasons I'd say. First, she was starting to be more and more paranoid, so seeing her girlfriend, who was also her biggest and most loyal ally, bonding with their hostage, someone who represented potential rescue, felt like a threat to Shauna. She was already on edge because of Team Rescue, so this just worsened her growing paranoia. There might also be some jealousy at play, to see her girlfriend seemingly having a good time with not only another woman, but someone Shauna isn’t familiar with, as well as someone Shauna views as a threat.

Shauna isn’t wrong to be suspicious of Hannah. She is right to be worried about her trying to manipulate Melissa, because that’s what Hannah was doing. We know as viewers that Hannah was lying, she doesn’t have custody of her child, so she was trying to make Melissa feel sympathy for her- and it worked. But I wouldn’t fault Melissa for falling for it, as she did so because she was being empathetic. 

When Melissa first joined Shauna in the hut she seemed relatively calm. This is probably not the first time she had to deal with an upset Shauna, where she had to calm her down through talking and trying to appease her. Melissa probably thought this was going to be just like all these other times. But this was different, for the same reason it was different in the previous episode when Melissa was upset at Shauna, and that is because rescue is now an option. Just as rescue provided Melissa with some hope, it had the opposite impact on Shauna and re-ignited her trauma. Melissa failed to realize that, and it led to her unintentionally making things worse. Melissa tried to appeal to Shauna by mentioning that Hannah had a daughter, which she might have thought would work since Shauna knows how it feels to lose a child. She thought perhaps this was something Shauna could relate to and help her understand why she felt bad for Hannah.

But of course, it had the opposite effect. Shauna got upset because Melissa’s compassion didn’t feel unique to her anymore. Melissa being able to sympathize with a stranger over something Shauna considered was a lie made her sympathy for her feel less special, like something she’d give to anyone. Not only did it cheapen Melissa’s compassion for her in her eyes, the fact she was convinced Hannah was lying made her view Melissa with contempt for falling for it. It’s not just naive, it’s stupidity in her eyes, and also hurtful. Shauna felt hurt by Melissa’s words, so she had to hurt her back because this is the only way she knows how to express her pain now.

So she berated Melissa, belittled her, told her how stupid she thought she was. Perhaps this wasn’t the first time Shauna snapped at Melissa that way, and in different circumstances, Melissa would have just taken it. Maybe that’s what Shauna expected to happen. Melissa realized she was being naive for trusting Hannah and agreeing with Shauna as she usually does. But the situation was different. Rescue was an option now. Melissa didn’t have to tolerate Shauna’s abuse anymore. She finally reached her limit and decided to stand up for herself, feeling genuinely hurt by how Shauna was treating her over something she didn’t view as wrong.

The way Melissa storms out of the hut is similar to how Jackie stormed out of the cabin. She even grabbed a blue blanket on her way out. I think this contributed to how erratic Shauna’s behaviors were. Her very violent reaction to Melissa trying to leave has many causes. First, she didn’t like to lose control over her. In the current situation, where Shauna was already feeling like she was losing control over the group, this only exacerbated it. Especially coming from Melissa, someone who has always been so devoted to her. And doing so in public, no less. Shauna was desperately grasping at any power she could still hold among the group and towards Melissa. But also, part of her was scared she was going to lose Melissa, someone she had grown to care about. Shauna had already lost people she cared about. Telling Melissa that “no one gave a shit about you until me” was cruel, but it was also her way to tell Melissa that she did “give a shit” about her. She’s just unable to express it in a healthy way, so she has to resort to violence to express it. There’s also a bit of projection here, as Shauna did feel like she was “nothing” when she was with Jackie, thinking that she was making her invisible. Since Melissa acts as a proxy for herself, she is projection how Jackie made her feel onto her. This might also be a bit of a meta comment, given Melissa as a character became more prominent thanks to her relationship with Shauna.

As for Melissa, her reaction is what you’d expect from someone being verbally attacked by her girlfriend. She is hurt and being publicly berated by Shauna, so she reacts to that abuse by lashing out, calling Shauna “nuts” because to her, that’s how Shauna was behaving. She was acting so violently towards her over something Melissa didn’t consider wrong. Melissa specifically looking at the other girls to tell them “you are right, she is nuts” led me to believe they did try in the past to reason with Melissa, to try to make her see that Shauna wasn’t good for her. And at this moment, Melissa finally realized that they were right. The rose-tinted glasses had finally shattered, and she could see the red flags and decided she had had enough. This relationship was not worth it.

For Shauna, getting called “nuts” especially publicly, just aggravated her feeling that everyone was treating her as crazy. This is when she finally resorted to threatening Melissa with a gun, because she felt like her authority was being threatened. For Melissa to publicly call her nuts was a threat to Shauna’s fragile sense of control over the group. And for Melissa to dare her to shoot her was an even bigger threat. Something Shauna felt like she couldn’t let her get away with, for the sake of preserving the amount of power she still held.

I don’t think Melissa thought Shauna would actually shoot her, and I don’t think Shauna actually wanted to kill Melissa. But they were both so angry and upset. Melissa was angry enough that she was willing to challenge Shauna, her anger taking over her reason. It's not like it was the first time Shauna threatened her with a weapon. She had to show Shauna she wasn’t scared of her and wouldn’t back down anymore when she mistreats her. Now, for Shauna, if she wanted Melissa dead, from their distance, I think she wouldn’t have missed. I think she missed on purpose, but she missed better than she anticipated and got so close to hitting Melissa with the bullet.

Melissa’s reaction is interesting. For a moment, she definitely thought she had been shot and might die. It’s normal in a situation where you fear for your life to wet yourself. But this wasn’t just that for Melissa. It was also a trauma response. Let’s not forget that Melissa had recently been shot and nearly died. This incident with the arrow was definitely traumatizing for her, with the pain and the fear of dying, which lasted an entire night. So it’s reasonable to think getting shot at again, by her girlfriend, no less, was triggering for her. The way Melissa froze afterward. She was so in shock she couldn’t move, or even try to cover herself, or even cry. She could barely react to what was happening. She was shutting down. Van had to pull the blanket out of her hand so she could cover her with it, then help her move. It was truly a scene hard to watch and Jenna’s performance here was phenomenal.

Shauna might not have anticipated she’d come this close to hit Melissa, and she probably did intend to miss, but this went better than she expected. She managed to avoid actually killing Melissa while also asserting control over her for everyone to see, a twisted way for her to hold on to her power in the group. She might not have killed Melissa, or even physically hurt her, she did have an impact on her body. She made her wet herself in front of everyone. And Shauna did enjoy it. She smirked when she saw the effect she had on Melissa. She got some twisted gratification at humiliating her in front of everyone, something that temporarily made Shauna feel powerful again as she so desperately needed to.

Before I move on from this scene, I would like to address some takes I have seen online that I have issues with. First of all, there is no justification for being abused, even if Melissa put herself in that situation. I shouldn’t have to explain why this is victim blaming and extremely wrong to do so. But from what I saw online after episode 9 aired, it looks like I actually do have to. This is why I took the time to explain why Melissa decided to date Shauna and stay with her despite knowing she could be dangerous and violent. But I don’t think she needs a reason for doing so. People can make mistakes, they can make terrible decisions, they can act stupid, it does not mean they deserve to be abused or that they are to blame. Ultimately, the blame is on the abuser. We can discuss how Melissa contributed to the situation that led to her getting abused without saying she “deserved” it. Especially given that what started the argument was her showing compassion to Hannah. Not that Melissa would have deserved it if it wasn’t the case, but if there is one moment where she definitely did not deserve to be hurt, that’d be this one.

Secondly, no, Melissa was not being hypocritical for telling Shauna “why can’t you just be a nice person”. Naive, yes, but not hypocritical. I’m referring to when Melissa told Shauna that what she liked about her was that she “wasn’t afraid of her bad parts anymore”. Her saying that to Shauna did not mean she wanted her to be a bad person, or that she only liked her “bad parts”. It meant she liked her as a whole, including the bad parts. This was not her asking to be mistreated. In that moment, Melissa felt hurt, asking her girlfriend why she can’t be nice seems like a reasonable request one would make while being abused. This does not make her a hypocrite. It does make her quite naive to have expected Shauna to be nice, but Melissa being quite naive, especially when it comes to love, and her relationship to Shauna is a core aspect of her character, so nothing to be surprised of.

Now with that out of the way, let’s move on to the rest of the episode. Shauna is seen later alone in the hut she used to share with Melissa for months, looking at the empty spot in the bed where Melissa used to lie with her. This scene reminded me of when Shauna is seen sleeping alone in the first episode of season 2, lying next to the empty spot Jackie used to sleep in. It’s clear that part of Shauna regrets what happened with Melissa. The pleasure she got from humiliating her publicly was only ephemeral, and now she’s forced to face the consequences of her action and once again feel alone. This shows us that she did care for Melissa, but Shauna caring about someone never stopped her from hurting them. After all, she did hurt Jackie, the person she loved the most. And it’s not in Shauna’s nature to admit being wrong and apologize. So she is left to brood alone in her hut, missing the comfort she used to have when she shared it with Melissa, knowing that once again her action led her to lose someone she cared about. And this might be why we see Shauna later play with Hannah’s hair, as some sort of comfort, since this is like a “trophy” she got from hunting down Hannah. This helps her feel in control again and powerful, the only comfort she has left.

As for Melissa, it appears that she is done with Shauna and is fully on board with Team Rescue. She goes back to Gen’s hut, declaring “Fuck Shauna”. Since she had no hope of salvaging that relationship, all the hope she had left was getting rescued and getting away from Shauna. Unfortunately for them, their plan to escape was foiled by Shauna. I was surprised that Melissa didn’t go back to Shauna after this, thinking that perhaps without the hope for rescue, she’d go back to Shauna out of fear or for protection. But I think having a friend like Gen, who always had her back, helped her. It’s common for victims of abuse to go back to their abuser, but having a friend who was there for her probably helped Melissa not follow that pattern. At least, for this season.

The End? (season 3, episode 10)

Then we move on to episode 10. I admit, when I first saw the preview, I fully assumed that Shauna and Melissa would be back together. My reasoning at that time was that Melissa was wearing Shauna’s shirt (as well as her blanket?), while Shauna was seen still using the sheath Melissa had gifted her. But after seeing the episode I can see I was wrong with my assumption. It’s not uncommon for the characters to share clothes, and there can be many reasons why Melissa ended up with that shirt. I think this was more of a symbolic choice, since Shauna was wearing this shirt when she nearly killed Melissa, and Melissa also tries to kill Shauna while wearing that shirt. It might also be a power move from her, to wear the clothes Shauna had when she shot her. As for Shauna, the sheath was a gift and it’s reasonable for her to have kept it, given it’s useful to her. It might show she still has some attachment to Melissa, or perhaps some hope that they could go back together. She is seen gripping the strap, a visual representation of perhaps clinging to that hope. We don’t know exactly how much time passed between episodes 9 and 10, but it was long enough for Melissa to no longer need to wear a sling. I wouldn’t be surprised if Shauna kept thinking that Melissa would come back to her, both because she misses her and because she overestimated how much power she still had over her. That might be why she kept the sheath, in case Melissa would come back, or to show her she was still interested in getting back with her, since the sheath does represent their relationship. But of course, Shauna wouldn’t be the one to take the first step, and she certainly wouldn’t go to apologize, so it didn’t happen.

I have seen an interesting analysis of their clothes in a video, where their aesthetics were mirroring each other. As in, Melissa was dressed like Shauna, while Shauna’s aesthetic resembled Melissa’s. There is also the fact that Shauna decided to wear a hat mask, while Melissa is wearing the bunny mask Shauna wore in episode 7. Even their masks mirror each other. There is also an association with bunnies and Jackie, so both of them wearing that same mask is a way to show that their relationship is connected to Jackie. More about the mirroring later once I reach the adult timeline.

After their livestock died and Lottie mentioned how they needed to sacrifice something precious, it seemed like Shauna turned to look at Melissa, perhaps hesitating for a moment, until ultimately agreeing to the hunt. What Shauna didn’t know was that this was a scheme in order to kill her. I saw a lot of confusion online regarding that plan, so let me explain what went down. Nat, Van and Misty (and later Hannah) had their own separate plan to help Nat escape with the SAG phone so she could call for rescue. But they had nothing to do with orchestrating the hunt. This was actually Melissa, Mari, Gen and Akilah’s plan. They poisoned the livestock to push for a hunt, and killed Shauna during it. Some scenes explaining the plan in more detail were cut from the episode, but according to Gen’s actress (Vanessa Prasad), Melissa is the one who came up with the plan. This shows how much Melissa still resents Shauna for what she did to her, enough that she wants her dead. While Shauna was perhaps hoping Melissa would come back to her, the latter was planning her downfall. I think it’s possible that the other reason why Melissa suggested killing Shauna is out of guilt. After all, she did play a role in enabling Shauna and pushing her towards wanting power. Part of her might think that Shauna being their leader is her fault, as well as missing their chance for rescue. Not only is she angry at Shauna, she also feels guilty for how things turned out and this is her way to try to fix things.

Again, according to Vanessa, Melissa originally wanted to be the one to kill Shauna, but they chose Mari instead. They probably thought Melissa might still have some feelings for Shauna and wouldn’t be able to go through with it (and they were right). Mari does seem like the better. Unfortunately for them, she ended up pulling the Queen of Hearts card, so Melissa had to sub for her. Interestingly, there is a still for this episode that shows Melissa looking quite distressed during the draw. We don’t actually see this shot in the episode, but it’s possible that this is Melissa’s reaction to Mari pulling the card, since she knows she now will have to kill Shauna, and part of her knows she might not be able to do it. Despite Mari no longer being able to kill Shauna, they kept the plan going, with Gen making sure Shauna would be alone as she lured Taissa away.

Then Melissa successfully ambushed Shauna and started strangling her. Shauna didn’t know at first that it was Melissa who attacked her, so she fought back, and seemingly stopped struggling when she removed the mask and saw that it was Melissa. She did try to reason with her once the horn was blown, because it meant the hunt was over. But as Melissa said, it wasn’t over for her. She still had a mission to accomplish, and she was still angry at Shauna.

It seemed part of Shauna was accepting that fate. She was no longer fighting back. Perhaps part of her thought she deserved it, or that Melissa was in the right for wanting her dead. Shauna has been depressed for so long that part of her might be welcoming death, and dying by Melissa’s hand might have felt like a fitting death. After all, Shauna projects herself onto her, and Shauna is trying to emulate Jackie. Shauna considers that she killed Jackie, so Melissa killing her reinforces the dynamic she desperately wanted to recreate with her. According to Sophie, there’s also the fact Shauna reached such a low point that she thinks she has nothing to lose, she isn’t scared of death anymore. This is about the thrill of the game and taking things to the extreme, even if it results in her own death.

We progressively saw Melissa’s resolution fading as she strangled Shauna. At first, she looked angry and determined to go through with it, but her expression slowly changed to show shock and horror as she realized that she was about to kill Shauna. Shauna wasn’t even fighting back anymore and at this point in time, Melissa didn’t have what it takes to kill someone. Despite the resentment she had towards Shauna, deep down, she still had some feelings for her and didn’t want her to die. She knows why Shauna is the way she is, and feels guilty for enabling her bad parts. So part of her might think Shauna didn’t deserve to die because she considered herself just as guilty as her for the way she turned out. She might have thought Shauna not fighting back meant she wanted to die, and given the empathy Melissa always had for her, this reawakened the sympathy she once had for her. There’s also the fact that she must have realized that Mari was dead, and the guilt of knowing that it was her plan that led to her death.

According to Jenna, the way she interpreted it was about how Melissa was in a struggle for power. Her crush on Shauna might not have started because she was seeking power, once she got a taste of power by being with Shauna she took a liking for it and started encouraging Shauna to seek power. The actress said that in that moment, Melissa realized that she had the power to kill Shauna and it frightened her. It was too much for her. She did not want that kind of power. She was having so many different emotions at that moment and started feeling overwhelmed, so she couldn’t go through with it. At this moment, Melissa rejected her bad parts.

Shauna’s reaction to this attempted murder was interesting. I firmly believed that if anyone else had tried that with her, she would have struck back. But she did not attack Melissa afterward, even if she could. Instead, she told her “I knew you’d turn out to be boring”, a recall to their conversation in episode 3. This was a cruel remark to make to Melissa. Sophie’s opinion on this line was that Shauna wants people to feel as bad as she feels about herself, so anyone not being as cruel as she is upsets her. So Melissa not going through with killing her disappointed her. I also think part of Shauna might be annoyed that the only reason she is still alive is because Melissa decided to spare her life. There might be some projection too, given Shauna also failed to kill Melissa in the previous episode. Just like Melissa was dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions while she was attempting to kill her, so is Shauna after Melissa decided to spare her. Shauna leaves afterward, leaving Melissa to roll over, reeling from what she had almost done.

The last time we saw them interact in the teen timeline is when Shauna put on her Antler Queen outfit. Melissa is seen putting a lock of Mari’s hair on her costume. The show took the time to linger on Melissa’s face and her looking at Shauna at that moment. It’s unclear what the expression Melissa had on her face was, given she was wearing the bunny mask. Jenna was asked about what that look meant in an interview, and she said that it was a look of guilt. She felt guilty about Mari’s dying, but also because she feels responsible for Shauna turning out that way. She did want Shauna to become their leader before, she pushed her into that direction. But not like that. Not at that cost. So she felt guilty, because part of her knew she had a role to play in this. Jenna also said that the look was like she was kneeling to Shauna and telling her “you won”. She not only feels guilty, she feels defeated. Her plan to kill Shauna failed, and now she was forced to face the consequences of her actions, with not only failing to kill Shauna but playing a part in enabling her into becoming the Antler Queen.

As we know, both Shauna and Melissa survived into adulthood, their story as teenagers might not be over. We will have to see what season 4 has in store for them. I do believe their relationship isn’t over. For Shauna to still think Melissa might be in love with her 25 years later and for Melissa to send that tape to Shauna, I believe we haven’t seen the last of them. I wouldn’t say I expect them to get back together romantically, but I’m expecting something, especially if that ties in with the adult timeline. I expect something darker that would explain why adult Melissa feels significantly more twisted than teen Melissa. I’m definitely looking forward whatever season 4 will bring to their relationship.

Adult timeline

I know I already covered episodes 8 and 9 but I deliberately left out the adult timeline parts so I could talk about it as a whole after so I can keep things in chronological order. We are still missing a lot of context between the teen and adult timelines regarding Melissa, but we do know some details. First, she’s one of the official survivors. She felt like she wasn’t “one of them” after rescue, meaning she didn’t feel like she belonged with the other survivors. And, according to her, she was scared of Shauna. When asked why she faked her own death, those last two points are the reason she gave. That’s why I feel like there must have been something that happened between these two post-rescue, and Melissa got scared for her safety and didn’t feel like she could count on the others. Shauna going back with Jeff might also have contributed to her decision to fake her own death. Melissa also said “a lot's happened in the last 25 years” so I get the feeling she faked her death shortly after rescue. Then the rest of her life as “Kelly” is relatively unknown, other than she managed to track down Hannah’s daughter (Alex), stalked her for years until they officially met, fell in love, get married and had a child together. So far, this is probably the most messed up thing Melissa did.

Now, let’s take a look at what we saw in season 3. Adult Melissa actually had two cameos in episode 1, one where she is seen looking at Shauna with Taissa and Van at the restaurant after Nat’s funeral, then later at the end outside of Shauna’s house, leaving the tape in an envelop that Callie picked up. There was a note inside where Melissa revealed to Shauna that she is alive and apologized for letting her think she was dead, explaining what the tape was about and ask her to forgive herself. Unfortunately, the note fell when Callie opened the envelope so Shauna couldn’t have that explanation. There is also a scene in episode 2 that might have been Melissa. When Shauna was at the restaurant with Jeff and the Joels, there was a woman in the bathroom with her that left the phone with the ringtone “Queen of Heart” before closing the lights. Later, when Shauna called the restaurant, she had the confirmation that it was a woman who came back to pick up the phone, and Shauna asked for a physical description of her. We don’t hear if she got a description, but in the next episode, Shauna’s prime suspect for the phone prank was Misty. So I feel perhaps she was told the woman was blonde without much other details. More on that later.

Melissa is officially mentioned for the first time in the adult timeline in episode 7. It’s mentioned that her and Gen got close to Hannah when they are discussing who could have smuggled the tape back from the Wilderness, but also that they are both apparently death. Now, I’ll spare you with the crashout I felt when that scene happened, and with the preview for the next episode showing Hilary Swank with obvious blue contacts, I knew that Melissa had faked her death. To be fair, it was obvious since episode 2 that she would play adult Melissa, but I digress. When Van mentioned that Melissa is dead, it focused on Shauna’s expression. Before episode 8 aired, my assumption was that Shauna knew Melissa wasn’t dead, so they showed her react suspiciously when her apparent death was mentioned. But given Shauna didn’t seem to know Melissa was alive in episode 8, it was most likely just Shauna being surprised to hear her ex’s name after so long, ex that she thought was dead. Then stuff happened and Shauna ended up driving alone to Alex’s house, thinking she was the one who sent the tape.

Fast forward to episode 8, Shauna spent the night in her car outside Alex’s house. She sneaked inside in the morning and quickly had to hide in a pantry when Alex shows up. She is with her young daughter and is later joined by her wife “Kelly”, who is none other than Melissa, alive and well. There is a lot of symbolism in this scene. First, we have Shauna hiding in a “closet”, while watching her ex-girlfriend with her wife and child. A life perhaps part of Shauna could have desired when she was younger. But there is also the fact Shauna can represent the skeleton in Melissa’s closet, the thing she is hiding from her wife. About her true identity and what she did to her mother in the wilderness. Also, I must mentioned, when Hilary Swank showed up on my screen wearing the backward hat I literally screamed. It was one thing being convinced she’d be adult Melissa, actually seeing her (with the hat, no less) did something for my brain chemistry. Anyway.

After her wife and child left, Melissa spotted that there was someone hiding in her pantry and immediately went on the offensive, holding a knife and threatening her. She didn’t seem to know it was Shauna and wasn’t afraid of the potential home invader. She had experienced much worse in her life. Shauna seems frustrated, probably because she has fully processed what Melissa had done. She faked her own death and left her to believe she was dead all along, and was now married to the daughter of a woman they killed. So she came out from the pantry, also holding a knife, ready to confront her ex about that. I would like to point out it’s somewhat similar to their scene at the end of episode 2. Melissa was the one hiding while Shauna asked her to show herself while holding a knife. Here, it’s the opposite, with Shauna hiding and Melissa doing the threatening first.

First, I’d like to address Melissa claiming she didn’t love Shauna and never did. I touched upon that a little at the beginning but wanted to elaborate once I reached the adult timeline. I don’t think we can trust most of what adult Melissa claims, no matter how convincing she sounds. This isn’t the same girl we knew as a teenager, she has been living a lie for decades and is probably an excellent liar now. It doesn’t mean everything she said is a lie, but it should be taken with a grain of salt. It’s possible she is lying here to Shauna, perhaps because she is ashamed of herself for ever loving Shauna, or to get a raise out of her. She could also just be in denial that she was in love with her. As I mentioned earlier, Jenna’s take on that, that what you consider love as a 17 years old might be different than when you are 42. She does think that teen Melissa was (or at least, thought) she was in love with Shauna (going as far as to say she thought it was the love story of her life- and might be), but adult Melissa could no longer consider what she felt for Shauna was love. And both can be right, as the definition of love can be subjective. Teen Melissa viewed it as love, while adult Melissa might consider that it was an obsession, or as Jenna called it, limerence.

I think Shauna did feel betrayed by Melissa faking her own death, and that’d explain her more hostile behavior towards her. We don’t know the exact circumstances of Melissa fake suicide, but for Shauna, having another person she did care about die, especially if she feels like it was her fault, must have been awful. She already had so much guilt, and it might have pushed her further into wanting to “atone” by building a life with Jeff, a man she didn’t love and married out of guilt. So knowing that all this time not only Melissa was alive but also married to Alex must have felt like a gut punch. All that extra guilt was for nothing. And for Melissa to brag about how her life is supposedly wonderful and that she loves her wife and child just added insult to injury. Melissa is seemingly succeeding at what Shauna failed, to have a happy marriage with a spouse she loves and a kid she likes. So her frustration with Melissa is understandable, especially since she rightfully called out Melissa for living a lie. For how fucked up it is for her to be with Alex. To her, Melissa doesn’t get to have a happy life, because she didn’t. And because that happy life is built on a lie and at the expense of Shauna, who had to live with the guilt of thinking perhaps Melissa committed suicide because of her. And as she rightfully pointed out, even if Melissa did love Alex, Alex doesn’t know who she truly is. How can she truly be happy in a life where she can’t be herself? Shauna knows Melissa can’t actually be this happy, because she too, built a life around her guilt, and she is miserable.

That’s bringing me to my next point, why Melissa sent the tape to Shauna. According to her, it was so she could move on, and she thought the tape would allow Shauna to do the same. Shauna doesn’t believe her since she hasn’t seen the note. We do get to see the note in the next episode, which seems to imply Melissa was telling the truth, but I still have my doubts. I think part of Melissa was tired of living a lie. Tired of not being able to be herself. She missed her old self. I don’t think she disliked her wife and child, but deep down, she knew they wouldn’t love her if they knew who she truly was. And this is definitely a stressful way to live. Deep down, I think Melissa knew what she did was messed up, but she went so far that it didn’t seem like she could go back. She was married to Alex now, and they even had a child. She felt guilty for deceiving Alex, and didn’t think she deserved the “happy” life she built with her. The nightmares she mentioned are a manifestation of that guilt, and how tired she is of living that lie. She could have sent that tape to any of the survivors, someone she knew wouldn’t have reacted violently to it, but she chose the worst person to whom to send it: Shauna. Even in the show, you have Taissa pointing out how stupid it was, because there was no way that Shauna wouldn’t have try to track her down, even if she had read the note. Melissa wanted Shauna to come after her, because it would give her a convenient excuse to leave her current life behind. She was pushing the responsibility on Shauna to destroy her life instead of doing it herself. I also think that she was essentially leaving her fate in Shauna’s hands. If Shauna read that note and decided to not go after her, it would be as if she is “forgiven” for living that lie and allowed to be happy. If even Shauna decides to let it go, then perhaps she could, too. But as we saw, fate had other plans for Melissa.

A misunderstanding I have often seen online is that Melissa was actually doing better, and had put the past behind her. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Melissa isn’t doing “better”; she is just as traumatized and messed up as the other survivors. From marrying the daughter of a woman she contributed to killing after stalking her for years and sending an incriminating tape to Shauna of all people, it’s clear Melissa is neither doing better or had moved on from her past. Melissa might claim she has changed, going as far as to fake her own death and live under a new identity, she is still the same Melissa. Her still wearing a backward hat to me is a visual representation of that. It’s not uncommon for survivors to cling to an item linked to their trauma, and the hat could symbolize that. An interesting detail about the hat Melissa is wearing in the adult timeline is that it features a penguin. It might not be important, but penguins are known for mating for life, so it might have been there to symbolize that she never was over Shauna. 

I do think Melissa was lying about the phone. We do know that some of Shauna’s accusations towards Melissa were wrong. She didn’t kill Lottie, she didn’t cut her brake, she did not lock her in a freezer. We have an explanation now for all these incidents. But the phone one is still sketchy. I think Melissa lied about that because after getting accused of so many messed-up things she didn’t actually do, it wasn’t in her best interest to admit to that one. Shauna was already on edge and thinking she was out to kill her, so admitting to anything would have made things worst. Also, given how the scene where Shauna asked about the woman who picked up the phone was intertwined with the kiss in the teen timeline, I just cannot believe this wasn’t Melissa. The song “Queen of Hearts” being the ringtone is too much of a coincidence, especially when the lyrics describe their relationship perfectly. Melissa claiming it’s normal to have that as a ringtone is suspicious, as I don’t think it’d be that common. The light being closed right after is also suspicious, so I don’t think this was just a random person who happened to forget her phone, who happened to have a song that perfectly captures their relationship. This had to be deliberated. And as I mentioned earlier, Shauna might have been given a minimal description of the woman, only about the color of her hair, hence why she first accused Misty. A blonde woman left that phone there, and unless proven otherwise, I firmly believe it was Melissa.

Why would Melissa leave that phone? I think part of her was frustrated that Shauna didn’t do anything with the tape and the note she left her. She was expecting Shauna to come after her and she didn’t know that Shauna never got them. So she had to poke the bear. She didn’t like to be ignored by Shauna. She didn’t want to accept Shauna could just have moved on and decided to actually “forgive” her. She had to give a bit more incentive for Shauna to come after her, and she knew triggering her paranoia would do the trick. Melissa might have admitted to Shauna about the phone incident if it wasn’t for Shauna accusing her of trying to kill her and of having killed Lottie, because that was never Melissa’s intention. She had to deny leaving the phone. She underestimated Shauna once again and how far her paranoia would take her. She wanted Shauna to come after her, but she didn’t want Shauna to think she was trying to kill her. So it was easier to just deny all the accusations Shauna threw at her.

Shauna’s frustration reached a dangerous point when Melissa called her out. Telling her how she is lying about Callie loving her, about Shauna’s self-destructive nature, about how she is miserable and wants everyone to be as miserable as her. All of this was true, but it also felt like projections. Melissa is also being self-destructive, getting herself into a situation that she knows is wrong, by marrying Alex and setting herself up for a life where she cannot be truly happy. And what is more self-destructive than sending that tape to Shauna of all people? It’s very ironic for adult Melissa to project like that on Shauna, given that’s essentially what teen Shauna did to her. When Melissa tried to grab Shauna’s knife, the latter reacted quickly and dislocated her shoulder, and a short fight ensued, where they both got some good hits on the other. But unfortunately for Melissa, with one arm handicapped (might be a call back to the whole arrow situation), she is ultimately overpowered by Shauna, who decides to take a bite of her arm, and try to force her to eat it or else she’d tell the truth to her family.

I think Shauna did that because she desperately needed to take back control of the situation. Melissa had read her like a book, and this made Shauna feel vulnerable. She had to show Melissa she could still have power over her. And what better way to do so than biting her and forcing her to eat her own flesh. Cannibalism has always been part of their story, and it’s a way to assert dominance over her, similar to when Shauna ate Jackie’s ear.

This scene continues in episode 9, where Melissa lets Shauna put the piece of her own flesh in her mouth. Shauna smirked at that sight, demonstrating she was enjoying this. She always enjoyed having power over Melissa. The latter chewed on it slowly, possibly because she knew that and wanted Shauna distracted enough to plan her escape. She ended up not actually eating her flesh and spitting it on Shauna’s face. Shauna tried to grab her by the hair, ripping some of it, and it seemed to have distracted her for a few seconds. We do know Shauna seems to have a thing for hair- especially women’s. 

When Melissa managed to get in her car, Shauna asked her to open the door, almost as if she expected Melissa to actually listen to her. Perhaps an old habit of when Melissa used to be obedient to her. But of course, Melissa didn’t listen to her and drove away. She is seen smiling after all, showing that she did enjoy this. She missed that thrill. But unfortunately for her, her car was out of gas, and she ended up being captured by the remaining survivor and dragged back to her house.

Shauna looked relieved to see they brought Melissa back with them, then eager to tie her up. Shauna is still accusing Melissa of everything that happened to her lately, trying to convince the other survivors. This is when Misty admits she was behind the freezer incident and firmly believes Melissa is innocent, as she still thinks Shauna killed Lottie. She leaves the house, and they actually do end up tying up Melissa. Shauna and Melissa had an interesting back and forth where they tried to convince the others that they aren’t the problem or the craziest one among the two. Taissa and Van seemed to agree at first with Melissa when Adam was brought up, realizing that this was a similar situation, one where Shauna dragged them into her own mess. However, Shauna managed to push back the heat on Melissa by revealing she married Alex. It worked as Taissa and Van ultimately sided with Shauna. They discuss what they are going to do with Melissa, and it seems like both Taissa and Van think there aren’t many “options”, aka they will probably need to kill her. Interestingly, Shauna is the one who told them to wait and let her think, so it seems like Shauna didn’t want to kill Melissa. Part of her might still care about her.

Melissa ultimately manages to escape, killing Van in the process, showing that she wasn’t as innocent as she claimed. I think there are many reasons why Melissa killed Van, but this isn’t really the analysis for that. But if I have to tie it to shaunahat, I’d say perhaps Melissa has some trauma regarding not killing Shauna when she had the chance, because of what could have happened later. We know a lot of other characters in the teen timeline are going to die, and Melissa might feel responsible for those, thinking it could have been avoided if she had killed Shauna. So if put back in a situation where she has the chance to kill someone, especially when her life was at risk (Van did try to kill her first, and the group made it very clear it was their intention), she did it. There is also Shauna calling her “boring” over not killing her, so perhaps this was her twisted way to prove to Shauna she was wrong. Hopefully, this will be explored more in season 4. When Shauna comes back to the house, she keeps calling for Melissa, like she was hoping she’d not only still be there, but would listen to her. I think that reaction to Melissa’s disappearance was interesting and might indicate Shauna still cares for her.

Unfortunately, Melissa doesn’t appear in episode 10, but she is mentioned twice as Shauna’s ex-girlfriend, which Shauna did not deny. At least it does confirm that what they had in the wilderness was an actual relationship, they were dating, they were officially girlfriends. I’m mostly mentioning that because it was a point of contention at some point online. Shauna did find the note Melissa left her, and it’s after reading the part about “forgiving herself” that she snapped, destroying the letter while thinking about the people she had hurt (the bunny, Adam, Callie, and then Melissa) and started crying. While it’s not entirely about Melissa, it’s her words that triggered that reaction, and she was among the people she thought about while crying. I think it does speak about the impact Melissa had on Shauna, and still can. Then it’s what causes Shauna to start writing her “journals” again, starting to reconnect with who she used to be in the wilderness, the Antler Queen who was partially enabled by Melissa.

Something interesting in the adult timeline is that Melissa is written to be a mirror of Shauna. That’s what the writers for these episodes said. Just like Shauna, she married someone out of guilt, someone connected to a person she feels responsible for the death of. She is living a married life with a child in the suburbs, just like Shauna, and was given a minivan specifically to emphasize the resemblance. Both women are secretly miserable in their respective life, both missing the thrill they had as teenagers. They are both self-destructive and can’t move on from their past. Another point is that the writers mentioned that Melissa only “go bad” once she was forced to ate her own flesh, like it triggered something in her. Before that she was still clinging to her Kelly persona, trying to convince herself she had changed, but after that incident, like a sleeper agent, the real Melissa was back, finally shattering the facade she desperately clung to.

My expectation for season 4 regarding the adult timeline is for Shauna and Melissa to get back together in some way. I think this is what the show is hinting at. With Taissa and Misty seemingly teaming up to take down Shauna, we might see her team up with Melissa out of necessity, and that could lead them to rekindle their relationship. Melissa is possibly on the run after killing Van, even if the body wasn’t found. She can’t go back home, and Shauna is now alone in her house, so that seems like the perfect setup for Melissa to stay with her. We know Hilary Swank will be a series regular if the show is renewed, so I’m looking forward to what’s in store for adult shaunahat.

Conclusion

Now we have reached the conclusion for this analysis. I mentioned at the beginning that shaunahat as a couple was mutually toxic and I stand by it. Even if her intention wasn’t malicious, Melissa did enable the worst in Shauna, she validated her feelings and desire for power, both because she was infatuated with Shauna and desired to be with her, and for her own benefit. Shauna also had a negative impact on Melissa, I wouldn’t say she “corrupted” her, but she did awaken some darker tendencies in her. This wasn’t a relationship born out of mutual love, but due to the circumstances they were in and out of convenience. They both felt lonely and had nothing to lose, so this relationship was there to satisfy their personal desires. Melissa wanted love, she also used Shauna to feel safe. Shauna wanted control over someone and some form of comfort. It was a mutually beneficial relationship for two people stuck in the Wilderness with no hope of going home… until it wasn’t. I do think the arrow incident started the falling out of their relationship, but the potential for rescue is what sealed the deal. They no longer wanted the same thing, they no longer benefited from that relationship. Melissa still liked Shauna, and Shauna had come to care about her, but it wasn’t enough. That’s why I believe they might go back together in the adult timeline, because they are both at a point where they need each other. They are both in trouble and could benefit from one another. This is what their relationship is essentially built on, how they can use each other for their own benefit. And I don’t think they’d introduce that relationship in the teen timeline and have Melissa as a survivor if they didn’t want to explore more of it in the adult timeline.

As to why I made this analysis, I wanted to elaborate on this relationship since I think there is a lot of misunderstanding about it, give my own perspective on their scenes together, and maybe change some people’s views of them. I personally love this ship both because I love Melissa as a character, and because I like these kinds of dynamics. I can relate to toxic and abusive relationships because I personally experienced those, hence why I have a personal attachment to Melissa as a character. I did say that shaunahat were a toxic couple, but it was also abusive, on Shauna’s side. And I like how the show portrays that toxicity and abuse. Melissa is a victim of abuse, but she isn’t portrayed as a “perfect” victim who did nothing wrong. She is also a flawed person who did bad stuff, and put herself in a situation where she ended up being abused. It doesn’t mean she deserved that, as I mentioned before, but it’s refreshing to see, and it’s something I think a lot of people can relate to. And as for Shauna, despite being an abuser in that situation, she isn’t written to be evil. We know why she is that way, and we can still sympathize with her without justifying her actions. I also think Melissa, despite some people not liking her as a character, really contributed to the plot and helped drive it, both in teen and adult timelines. So far her role was mostly to further Shauna’s arc, and I do wish she would continue to do so while also having her own character arc in the next season. I think Jenna Burgess was fantastic in the role and I hope she will have her role expanded upon in the next season, especially since they plan to make Hilary Swank a series regular.

Phew, finally over. Over 20k words! This is definitely the longest analysis I have ever written. What can I say, I am very passionate about this relationship and hope to see more of them in season 4. Thank you all if you managed to reach the end, and please let me know your thoughts, I love to discuss both shaunahat and Melissa as a character with people!

[winters-on-the-wing]

Oh what you said responding to the ask about transphobia/bigotry I've been looking for the right way to describe it: hard to romanticize! Thats like the foundation of this fandom it seems. Everything is whitewashed and stripped down to its bare bones to be the most relatable and palatable shit! Complexity for this fandom is babying regulus and feeling bad because his brother (rightfully so) left home. Like cmon are we not capable of being deeper than that. We base everything on the most bland tropes like brother's best friend and grump x sunshine! Truly moving and deep literature explores people in 3d not the 2d shells of people that can be described in singular words/attributes that bastardize them and make them walking caricatures of people (eg; Marlene = lesbian, Mary = pretty, James = sunshine, remus = wolf, and so on) the best art isn't easily palatable! The movies that leave you feeling ill or uncomfortable (in the good way) for lack of a better word are usually some of the best films. I feel like even aside from the racism, sexism and other problems of that sort, this fandom just lacks depth? We gave ourselves full creative power over these characters and bastardized them and it makes me so sad. There are so many smart and deep people in this fandom and I wish their analysis and ideas about the fabdom were he more popular ones instead of the ones that are easy to romanticize. Let's see conflict, not everyone has to be friends, people can be complex and not completely bad or good. Make them have complicated relationships outside of ships. What are the odds of about 13 people (the most popular characters) ALL finding their soul mates in highschool??? Like u can have sm fun exploring these characters but noooooooo. Ok sry for rambling, I'm a yapper. I'll stfu now

no. don’t stfu. never stfu.

you are absolutely right and you really boiled down something i’ve always been frustrated with.

i’m an actor. it’s my JOB to take characters from text, to see words on paper, usually ONLY dialogue and stage directions, and create a person, a fully fleshed person with wants and goals and fears and a soul. it’s my job to use the clues that the canon text provides and make the character pop out of the page, to make them compelling, to make them HUMAN.

if it’s not human, who the fuck cares? i know i sure dont.

i don’t want to read about plastic robots as they go through all the tired, stale tropes. grumpy x sunshine, enemies to lovers, best friends brother. it’s all the same. it’s a formula. it’s spoon feeding. i’m not trying to hate on people who enjoy it but i just can’t imagine being satisfied with that. the barest touch of the surface level when there’s so much if you go deeper. so much more HUMANITY. so much more meaning.

i need grit. i need people with palpable flaws, people who don’t always get what they want falling into their laps when they want it, people who are IN THE WRONG. people who think bad things and do bad things and regret it, people who do bad things and don’t regret it. people who exist messily. people who make me uncomfortable to read about because they’re so like me and i have to face the fact that i’m not perfect.

i don’t want a perfect romanticized story where the little white boy gets rescued by the big muscular casanova. i don’t want a robotic generated formula where the perfectly placed lesbian couple get just enough sentences to be seen so that the author can feel progressive and inclusive and then the lesbians get shoved off and forgotten about forever.

what happened to authenticity? what happened to bringing a piece of your soul to the art you create?

again i’m not trying to tell people how to enjoy fandom. do what you want.

it just personally saddens me how hard it is to find work with that human spark in it. the spark of curiosity, of intrigue, of going deeper than the bare surface level. i love art that makes me think. why does nobody THINK while creating anymore? sometimes i just feel so alone in this, surrounded by plastic when i want to read and write and engage with work that was written with a beating heart so palpable that it can be heard between every word.

i wish fanfics and headcanons and concepts that were created with thought were more popular than they are, instead of the same bland thing being shoved down my throat every second of the day. i constantly get hated on in this fandom for thinking differently than everyone else, but why is individuality an enemy? im starting to think that i get hated on in this fandom for THINKING, period.

does that make sense?

maybe i’m pretentious. it’s highly likely i’m pretentious.