#marvel levels of cgi exists

[evening-rose-309]

In the words of Haversam of Novac,

Smootheskin–

but no, seriously, where is? the wrinkle? the melting sphynx wrinkle? where is the "poorly skinned chicken" vibe? where is the "the old flesh was rend off the bone to make new from under a much hardier carcass to show for the current state of the world"? thing? "we may look dead, but we've yet to let go of life and it won't let us the easy way anyhow" feel? where? is the sex appeal charm???

I mean this with every fiber of my being but whoever was in charge of designing the “ghouls” for the Fallout tv show should be jailed and given a life sentence with no chance of parole

Look at how they massacred my beautiful ghouls! Deadpool looks more ghoulish than him! There isn’t a wrinkle on this mfs body! This is just a man who lost his nose!

The writers are cowards for not giving us gross looking ghouls!

[leresq]

Finally watched Deadpool and Wolverine. First of all I was not coming into this with high hopes because even though everyone was talking about how good this movie is I've never found the Deadpool movies funny. To me they're just different variations of "You haven't seen this in an Iron Man movie" stretched into two now three feature length films. But honestly I liked it at the end.

- Why are Logan's ears and one of his eyes not decayed when no other part of his body is intact? Why does he have a beard on his jawbone?

- I'll bite, the Bye Bye Bye is a fun idea. The wintery forest setting is cool.

- I can't enjoy that opening fight scene because it's not how anything works. You don't get bludgeoned with a dull object, have your body armour completely give way, and have a pint of blood splash out. I understand the whole point of Deadpool is that it's over the top, but this is just so overly gratuitous it's insane. I feel like Marvel Studios felt like they had to make it so unrealistically violent to try and separate it from the mainline MCU to get the people who have Deadpool funko pops to guffaw in the theatre. It's "You haven't seen this in an Iron Man movie" with zero words spoken. Honestly incredible.

- The CGI is better than it's been recently but it's still noticeably bad

- Peter Parker's Iron Man mask is on the desk in the background! How did that even get there.

- Why is Tony's ARC reactor on the table, I thought that was pushed into the river at the funeral

- The timeline is just so incredibly fucked. I still don't understand how the X Men timeline reboot works, or how Logan fits into it; if Logan dying means Deadpool's universe collapses, that implies the Logan movie is in the X Men reboot franchise, but Patrick Stewart is in that and James McAvoy plays him in the reboot making me think it's a one off... Augh my head...

- Something looks up with John Favraeu. I don't know if his wearing a wig is supposed to be obvious, I don't know if he's just under a lot of makeup or it's CGI, it's just weird.

- Deadpool is never going to be an Avenger because Marvel Studios would rather execute everyone working for them than give up the licencing deals from making PG13 movies, and Deadpool wouldn't feel the same in a PG13 movie.

- I think any brand would let Ryan Reynolds walk all over them in muddy boots, for some reason he gets the pass to slander anyone he wants to and he gets paid by the companies to do it.

- 'I don't have a lot of v*ginal sex' 🤨 that has numerous connotations. Also can we not do sex jokes in front of 12 year olds

- I was not expecting a Deadpool movie to contain any hints of character development because the previous two instalments seemed to be hellbent on making sure I understood nothing of emotional value would ever be allowed to appear without being undercut by a sex joke.

- "I've never been a natural bottom" 🤨🤨 I thought Poolverine was just the average two male leads naturally gets shipped together thing but no they're sowing the fields

- If that Thor crying over Deadpool never comes back I will say something about it

- If they didn't want me to know Paradox was going to be a villain why would they make him British

- The 'Suck it Fox' cut to nothing being there is the only time I will accept something raising more questions than answering them at this level as funny

- "Your tailor is a predator" caught me so off guard I started coughing

- Wow I wasn't expecting them to pull the Paradox is actually evil card not even a third into the movie. Honestly a good subversion of expectations.

- How is Deadpool's universe going to evaporate in 74 hours, I thought time doesn't exist at the TVA?

- Are they going to explain why Deadpool's suit can just fix itself now. It used to keep its holes.

- Finally, I think the first time we ever hear Deadpool is from Canada in the movies! I wonder if Ryan Reynolds only wanted to play him in the first place because they're both Canadian...

- "You two gonna fuck or fight?" 🤨🤨🤨

- I actually understood the Honey Badger reference

- the FF floating platform thingy is another reference I'm surprised I got

- The Human Torch CGI is actually really cool

- "Not all of you was asleep" after waking up on his shoulder 🤨🤨🤨🤨

- Too many cameos in Cassandra's little alcove so I'm not even going to bother looking for them all

- I'm not sure if Johnny Storm's death was supposed to be played for laughs or just shock value, either way I'm not laughing I loved those movies ;(

- How does Cassandra know she's Xavier's sister if she was sent to the Void before she could walk?

- Wolvie being nice to Johnny post mortem is cool

- Nicepool having a stronger Canadian accent is a good joke, and Deadpool looking on in disgust as Nicepool talks about his dog's 'G-spot' is good. At least that's not played off as just a normal thing to say even if it is a joke

- "I identify as a feminist" could easily be misconstrued as an 'anti-woke' joke but all of the jokes of a similar calibre in this movie seem to be made ironically. Example: Nicepool is a creep

- "Where's your mask" and Nicepool points to his face actually implying his nice guy attitude is a facade for being a shitty person is actually really good

- Why is Nicepool's car surrounded by untrampled corn, how did it get there? Who grew the corn?

- Deadpool includes Colossus in his world 🥺

- Wolverine is nothing if not an excellent shit talker, and it's actually very out of character for Deadpool to actually get affected by insults

- I wish The Greatest Showman soundtrack was incorporated for more than just a third of a second

- 'Close up magic' ant man reference?

- 'There's only ever gonna be one Blade' about that...

- I think that's Apocalypse's throne in Cassandra's room? Or Thanos's

- I never thought about how both Cassandra and Xavier's powers radiate from their heads until the Juggernaut helmet scene

- Finally some real actual genuine character development that's not thrown away for a joke!!! The best part of the movie to me was Cassandra's redemptio-. Oh. Nevermind. Anyway I like it better than if it were just shoved away for a joke then she died

- Deadpool waiting for the 'extras' to clear was, to me, a good indication that he's a hero now. Caring about civilians is #1 on my makes you a good guy requirements

- "You smell something?" "Yeah you" 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

- And there it is. Nicepool's death is probably the most predictable death I've ever seen on film.

- Eastside Pharmacy?! Agatha All Along reference???

- Wolverine's helmet looks like a rubber playground ball

- Will Marvel Jesus come back in three days however?

- Staring at Hugh's abs? Same, but 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

- That hand holding ending was actually impressive, I wasn't sure what was going to happen and it actually kicked ass

- Is the guy with the mug who stared at Deadpool in the beginning Marvel's first gay character

- The introducing Logan to Blind Al is so unbelievably 'the parents meeting the boyfriend' I could die there's no fucking way that wasn't on purpose

[nancydrewwouldnever]

Remember the comment Tarantino made that was a bit insensitive the way he came off? He may not have been wrong.

Chris has never been a movie star without Marvel, but he was very well-liked on the internet for several years there. A lot of buzz, but not really anymore but he wasn’t ever movie star. He wasn’t exactly ‘actor’ either (in the vein of movie star vs. actor) Even Rian Johnson didn’t exactly want him right off the bat for KO, Chris had to push for it. He’s never been a good script picker, or maybe he doesn’t get the offers. But he pushed and he was good in that role. He doesn’t seem to push or fight for things often.

Marvel really made his career. It’s not a bad thing or something to be disappointed about. I’m sure many starving actors would love to switch places!

Without Marvel, he’s back to being a bad script picker. Everyone has duds, and I like cheesy action movies sometimes, but he hasn’t had a full blown win in some time, just so-so to it’s ok, not bad, not great response to projects. R1 just isn’t it. The CGI even looks horrendous.

I think a lot of us fans had rose-colored glasses on, or higher hopes for him post marvel, you know since he went on and on how much he wanted to direct post-marvel and all the things he wanted to do post-marvel contract. A lot of hype or excitement from himself and his words that seems to have fizzled.

Still fans out there that will defend him, but not as many as there used to be. I kinda went all over the place with my comment 😂 sorry about that but I definitely see what you mean with your last couple of posts.

I think there's many more forces at play than just Chris' own possible "bad script picker." For one, the very real fact that typecasting exists at multiple levels within the film business. Actors get typecast in the minds of producers, directors, casting agents, writers, agents, and probably their own friends/coworkers. How hard must those prevailing assumptions about you as an actor be to "kick" against? I think there's some freedom in the starting phase of a career when you audition for anything and everything, and that can bring in a little bit of variety to your career. But then, you get typecast as much by your successes as your failures. The big budget action flick you're in hits big? Then those are what your follow up offers are. Maybe a small, edgy indie movie you're in gets moderate buzz and good reviews. Then your agents probably see more of those come in to their desks with your name mentioned. It's hard to be seen as more than one thing, because the human mind likes things to be easily categorized as discreet signifiers.

So, I think it's possibly telling that while he was having huge success with Marvel, he wasn't going for other big budget action films (like Hemmy has). Instead, he was filming smaller things like Before We Go, Gifted, RSDR while still in his Marvel contract. He tried going back to stage while still in the Marvel contract. I think that shows that at least then he was still trying to push himself and possibly still grow in his craft. Now, were those the greatest projects? Probably not, but then the "better" level of small movies - the prestigious indies or awards bait films - are routed by directors/producers/casting agents/agents to the actors who are "typecast" as the kinds of actors who star in those films. And, unfortunately, he wasn't included in that category. Even now, when he seems to be somewhat trying again, you can see he's not being thought of for those kinds of movies first. That Marvel success was such a double-edged sword.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 9/5/2023

moving closer to your best friend means hanging out in big groups a lot of the time. while this is theoretically good for mental health or whatever, in practice i overextended myself this weekend and am going to wake up tomorrow with the mental equivalent of a sore lower back

listening (2x bonus)

very fond of måneskin's new single HONEY (ARE U COMING?). sonically different from their other stuff, lyrics and tone-wise another incredible sad banger! spotify

my sister viewed the film Party Girl (1995, dir. von Scherler Mayer) last week at a party in philly and sent me this song featured in the film with no further explanation. Double Cross by First Choice (a Larry Levan remix) has what i want to call bollywood strings, a flute, and the funkiest bassline backing up some really classic disco vocals. First Choice were a group out of philly, which no one at the party knew at the time, and this blog calls this specific remix "dancefloor soul" which is probably as good a descriptor as any. i have had it on loop for a solid week. lyrics include

Love stealing, double dealing, two-timing lowdown son of a gun

which is just so much fucking fun to sing in the car. spotify

-

reading (2x bonus here also)

i read the mandalorian comics in between volumes of berserk, which feels a bit like saying i took a break from watching the evil dead franchise to watch some cocomelon.

the mandalorian comics are a remarkably uninspired nearly shot by shot breakdown of the episodes. not in the way most film/tv comics are, where they’re very clearly traced screencaps, but screenshots redrawn. this would be interesting if the artist was not contractually obliged to the very flat marvel comics style. i am constantly reminded of how the mandalorian is simply…not very good. it’s entertaining as a spectacle of television to watch, but there are not a lot of fun ideas in there. something that made me fucking scream with laughter are these panels of baby yoda

pápá, your son is So high

back to the other series with a dark haired, roaming, grouchy, reserved man on a mission. unfortunately i don't have a lot of berserk thoughts just yet, i am waiting on vol 4 to come off my library holds and my brain is still digesting it. anyway i think not wanting random "friendly" embraces from strangers is a very reasonable thing for guts to dislike and i truly do not understand why ppl in-universe get so fucking offended. unfortunately reading these late at night did lead to an unpleasant sleep experience.

bitches love a fucked up interior space that can't ever actually exist (it's me i'm bitches)

not to be all therapeutic but im trying to be Curious About and Gently Interrogate why i get a real bee in my bonnet once a year to read some horror comics/manga when i am big squeamish baby about film depictions of those things. i think mostly bc comics gore is so much more stylized than some of the very effective practical and cgi effects? and crucially nothing is actually like writhing around on screen it’s a still image? does anyone else’s brain have a much easier time handling still images over moving images of gore? much to consider

as with many other things, me reading berserk is indirectly @dying-suffering-french-stalkers ' fault

-

watching

i have viewed the first four episodes of Fire Force, the urban fantasy mercenary firefighter anime and do not think i will be continuing. while i have a great many questions about the worldbuilding (gravitational anomalies?? genetic predisposition to spontaneous human combustion?? solar god nuns??) it has a dead mom plot, which i am allergic to. this is also a 7.5-8 on the Ass part of the Weeb Ass Shit scale, and has a lot more casual assault than i try to encounter in anime. it's by the soul eater guy, remember the level of Stuff going on in soul eater? a little bit more ramped up groping and stuff that makes me say out loud "wow i don't like this" than soul eater.

the animation re: aforementioned fire is really top notch tho. visually complex and interesting television program.

how i found this: me and my best friend and my best friend's husband morosely poking around the anime section on hulu, looking for something to fill the spy x family void. this ain't it tho

-

playing

i have no fun genshin tidbits to share bc i am grinding talent mats while catching up with the podcast episodes of the road to partizan and i don’t have much to say about the not-fun parts of gachas. why am i playing something if it’s not inherently fun? great fucking question

-

making (3rd 2x bonus)

very uninspired (derivative, even) abbreviated sofrito thing over rice. with heavy application of Worcestershire sauce it was fine. no pics

also i finally bought a couch bc salvation army had 50% off everything for Labor Day. this is a question of ethics vs money i have decided for myself, and encourage you, the reader, to go off and quietly make your own philosophical choices without explaining them to me in detail.

it will be arriving on friday bc that is when the strapping young men who own trucks are available. my front door is a very non standard size and i have a very awkward front stair, so i needed something that could fit under the overhang while standing on its end. this one was the best size and (fortunately) the cheapest at $150. it is some sort of extremely flammable early polyester and 100% has a grandma’s soul trapped within its fibers. i will probably buy a cover at some later date to deter miss macaron but in the meantime we will do the strips of brown painters tape, which does successfully deter her. this really really does not want to be steamed so i will also be procuring some chemicals.

here are some other couches i could have bought but didn’t.

[owlkittybrain]

Heyo! I just had a funny world idea.

Imagine a world where CGI technology, or any movie effects technology or knowledge, doesnt exist. They dont have any animated film forms. They have live film that isn't much at all blurry, like todays film, though. Yet in this world, they still have cool live film movie effects of characters teleporting, onscreen, without any camera tricks. How?

They have the classic marvel and D.C superheros in their universe. All of the superheros work as actors on the side. They're always in their suits, to hide their identities and be ready for an emergency call at a moments notice. On top of their suits are their character costumes, which are easy enough to tear off, with varying levels of easy tear ability, for the superheros.

To make them not stick out, the only people allowed to be actors (for whatever reason) are the superheros.

And this is normal, and not that bad, to the people.

[anoddrock]

I can’t believe anyone thinks special effects are the only way to do certain things. Like bro. There is magic everywhere.

Go to a science museum that has interactive exhibits.

I got to make a miniature tornado in a plexiglass pillar. I got to control faux levitation for some spheres. I saw sand become as fluid as water due to a plate under it vibrating. I got lost in an infinite maze of mirrors, and saw solid blank walls in that maze turn into information boards and display boxes.

Learn about different artforms.

There are branches trapped by glass in an infinite state of burning. There are dancers who seem to be Jedi as they dance with their leviwands. There are illusions so powerful that they seem real when you see them on their own, but when someone walks by this breathtaking feat of nature, you realize the whole thing is much, much smaller than you though- but it’s still massive.

Just. Go outside. Marvel at the thousands of ways the impossible are very, very possible. Watch stone seemingly burst into flame with the aid of a tiny bit of rubbing alcohol and a lighter. Think about the tunnels of bugs and rodents under your feet. Did you know there’s a type of critter that seems to break physics? Look up velvet worms.

Look up how massive, multiple-person puppets are made and operated to seem like they breathe just like us.

Did you know an earlier version of Aslan was a robotic puppet operated by three people, two in the suit and one controlling his facial expressions?

Did you know that the animators of the 2005 Narnia said they spent approximately ten hours on each frame. Each frame. It was not a light, easy, inexpensive CGI. They got a clipping from an actual lion’s mane. They spent hours deciding how the hair would move. And in the death scene, once Aslan is tied down, did you know that that’s a puppet? His breath, his head moving, his grief and resolve- it’s a remote operated puppet.

Did you know they built entire indoor snowy sets, and that they made a faux waterfall above a pool to help create the river effects? Did you know that while they did use green screening, the actual sets they interacted with, and the foreground of the background, that was nearly all real?

Did you know that I fell in love with worldbuilding when I was seven, and that I would’ve watched the behind the scenes for the Narnia movies more than the movies themselves if my parents let me? Did you know that artists pour their souls into these things? That special effects that aren’t cared for as well as or more than the actual practical versions will age like milk in a cave? Did you know the same level of love was poured into the first Star Wars miniature and true scale sets? Into the earlier beloved shows like Doctor Who? That everything that breathtaking that you can’t find in real life from before the 2000s was near certainly a work of souls via the hands of those who loved the story and their craft?

Did you know that it can feel like automation and ease and computers are taking the love and care and joy out of the lives of people who really care about the things being made? That quality and craftsmanship are dying everywhere for the sake of cost efficiency?

I. I don’t know what my point is anymore. But I think it might be that some people need to stop short selling artists and the beauty of the world we live in. And that everyone just needs to marvel at the world we live in now and again. Go to a science museum. Imagine a current unconventional art as magic in space. Daydream about magnets and rigging fake flying islands. I dunno. Fall in love with existence and take my hand as I partake in the holy act of creation. Or whatever

[avatar-state-kate]

No that Barbie gendered criticsm post was in specific reference to a post where someone accused people—critical of the Barbie movie for being a commercial/just Not being indie arthaus groundbreaking cinema—of being misogynistic because “no one does this for transformers or marvel” (which seems misogynistic as well. Comic books aren’t “for boys” dolls aren’t “for girls” but the way these products are being marketed to us as freethinking adults is perhaps something we should question)

Oh, I got that, my tags were more in reference to the "consumerism seems girl-coded and military propaganda boy-coded" bit. That joke format implies that people are projecting gendered stereotypes onto something, except the idea of their being a gender link to these properties is by design - Barbie is being marketed to women and girls, and the cultural idea of what women and girls do/should like and Marvel is marketed to the cultural idea of what men and boys do/should like.

I'm not disagreeing with OP of that post, I'm disagreeing with the idea that there is no gendered level, especially with what is being marketed - consumerism is much more aggressively marketed to women ("women be shopping", the pink tax, women as responsible for household shopping etc.) and the military is marketed more to men. I think this level of analysis is being ignored in favour of calling anyone excited for the Barbie movie stupid for not knowing it's an ad. Which that's a case-by-base basis, definitely most people are going in uncritical but that's true of most media so I wouldn't call anyone out here for being especially stupid.

But yeah, people have always pointed out that toy brand shows are just ads, and we have been complaining about the military-industrial complex in film, but also with everything when its a "girl" (and like again this is marketing, I never liked barbie or girl toys as a child so like my girlhood isn't being represented here, and maybe the idea that brands get to decide what girlhood and boyhood is is a more interesting discussion) property the analysis gets weird - like you have good faith criticism and then people being much more aggressive then the conversation might need.

Like the movie hasn't come out yet and we have already gone from the over-praising the thing to backlash/hatred of the thing - again both phases have genuine and reasonable arguments to them - be excited for a movie with practical sets in a CGI cinema landscape, to see some of our biggest stars together, to see a movie that looks fun- be critical of a film that is a 2-hour long commercial for a doll brand, be critical of a film that supports rampant consumerism and the beauty industry - but the intensity is...a lot already, again for a movie we haven't actually seen yet

TLDR: I don't think it is sexist to critique this movie, or the existence of criticism or a backlash is wholly sexist, however, like with most things parsing out where the genuine feelings stop and sexism ramps them up is an impossible thing to parse. I can believe this while also feeling like anyone trying to say there is no gender element is wrong - like it's Barbie, a toy that even girls who don't play with Barbie are told is representative of their childhoods - like gender analysis is called for but just maybe not the one that is happening.

[dinethfernando-mga2023mi6021]

Dissertation

The Survey Structure

Topic - Would Hollywood Be the Same Without ILM?

Introduction

Hi! My name is Dineth, and I’m currently in my third year studying Animation at the Academy of Design (AOD). It will only take a few minutes, and there are no right or wrong answers — just your honest thoughts are super valuable. Thank you so much for cooperating!

SECTION 1: Demographic

1. What is your age?

Under 18

18–24

25–34

35–44

45+

2. What is your occupation/background?*

Student studying animation/film/media

Student (non film field)

Working in Media and entertainment

Working professional

3. Gender

Male

Female

Prefer not to say

4. How often do you watch movies/TV shows

Rarely

Once a month

1–3 times a week

Almost daily

SECTION 2: Visual Effects & ILM Awareness

5. How familiar are you with Visual Effects (VFX)?

Very familiar – I follow VFX breakdowns

Somewhat familiar – I know how they work generally

Heard of it, but not much detail

Not familiar at all

6. Select the movies you have watched by ticking the boxes below!

Here I will present 8 images of films created by ILM and ask the audience to place ticks in front of films they have watched. Films that I am planning to include;

Next 2 slides I will give the audience an overview on what ILM is and how significant it is

"Did you know that all the visual effects and CGI of the above movies are made by the same company? That company is Industrial Light & Magic (ILM), a world-leading visual effects studio responsible for creating the ground-breaking effects you see on screen"

"ILM has worked on over 300 major films, including Star Wars, Jurassic Park, almost all of Marvel movies and TV shows, Transformers, DC superhero films, Avatar. Their innovative work has revolutionized filmmaking and played a key role in shaping the modern movie industry."

7. Have you heard of ILM (Industrial Light & Magic) before this survey?

Yes

No

Next slide once again to inform the audience about it's innovations

These are some ground-breaking innovations done by Industry Light and Magic (ILM) for the film industry.

8. From the information you know, out of 5 how much would you rate the visual impact of ILM's (Industry Light and Magic studio) work in the film industry.

9. Do you believe ILM's VFX work contributes significantly to a movie’s commercial success?

Yes I do strongly believe/agree

Yeah sort of

Neutral

Nope. Even if the visual effects were done poorly these movies would've been successful

10. If ILM did not exist and none of the above movies were made do you think Hollywood would have achieved the same level of commercial success that it has today?

Yes, there are plenty other films that would've made Hollywood successful

No, ILM’s movies have been crucial to Hollywood's success and popularity

It’s hard to say — maybe Hollywood would have found other ways to succeed

I’m not sure

11. In your opinion, what would movies like Jurassic Park, Transformers, or Avengers look like without good Visual Effects. Will directors still make them?

Presented this as an open ended question

[winterferger]

A superhero ramble

So I remember a long time ago, after the first Avengers movie, and especially after Man of Steel there was this huge desire to call out superhero movies for their mass destruction with little to no consequences. Then writers really leaned into it.

Like, that dialog obviously already existed. The Boys came out in 2006, Invincible came out in 2003, there were already a ton of titles that did things to address it. The OG Marvel 'Civil War', half of Spider-man's manpain, Batman and his permaguilt about anyone scraping a knee on his watch. But those were in comic books. Now the whole genre of superheroes was widely accessible (and at the time, easy to follow for average normal people).

So yeah, you got more of the 'wow a lot of people should have been mad about this!' on social media, a bunch of video essays on youtube. And so writers wrote about it. 'The heroes pretend they're good while they let the villains get away with blah blah blah,' and the 'their wreckless fighting dropped a car on my fiance!'

And yeah, it was never new to comics, but now with the genre accessible to anyone else consequences became so important. And then if a character required consequences, suddenly the moral purity kicked in. Accessibility caused what was casual debate or just an exploration of a topic to become, "If you like Superman you endorse wholesale slaughter and are a bad person!" Your fave is problematic! Popular discourse has told me so!

And then there's the satirical shows. Do not get me wrong. I actively like many elements of the Boys and Invincible. But there's not much else to them but 'behold the injustice of superheroes'. You gotta kinda pick through the briars if you want to get the other stuff.

A side effect of this in live-action superhero movies, I have noticed, is that they've replaced scenes of practical effects destruction with the huge CGI fucksterpieces. You can't be triggered if they're fighting on a purple planet with green leaf-shaped buildings in space and they're just being knocked across a neverending desert or into a snowy mountain peak and not a building! That way, now, their character is truly good because they did not destroy a house.

We'll tell you that the world is being threatened- so now you know. But you don't have to see the world being threatened anymore. See? Good people. Not problematic.

I saw a post talking about realistic fights in movies and while I truly have loved the genre for much of my life, I think the moral purity campaign has contributed at least one tiny thread in the way CGI has been woven into 'legitimate' superhero movies.

And I love me some superhero satire but god I miss more things like Megamind and the Incredibles and Mystery Men. Megamind- "You have a responsibility to do the right thing for others and the right thing for you. With a dash of 'you're not entitled to things because you're strong'." Yeah, there was destruction, but it was to highlight a character's self-obsession. The Incredibles- "If you're pointedly abnormal or have ridiculous responsibilities, can you find a place of normalcy in your family?" Mystery Men- "Confidence needs to be your first superpower and love (platonic or romantic) needs to be your second and then whatever superpower you have."

Hell I like the more recent Deadpool movies and Harley Quinn better for the commentary of 'not caring about the wanton destruction because it's entertaining to juxtapose it with normal conversations'.

Basically, this is me pondering after seeing a post about the practical effects in Winter Soldier and just having watched Invincible Season 3. I am 1 Billion more invested in the idea of these young adults trying to make each other's lives better and treat each other as people and not weapons. I'm invested in the levels to which people can cope with being normal with a superpowered family member. I am super invested in how someone's character growth led them from moral purity to advocating rehabilitation. I no longer give one single shit about Mark or the innocent bystanders, and that does not feel right.

[bestnoncannonship]

Merlin predates cringe and targeted show marketing.

It was 2008. We were idiots and proud of it. We laughed at dumb immature jokes because no one made fun of them and made us feel bad for it online yet and marveled at bad cgi because holy shit it was a whole dragon usually the Henson company only showed us half a dragon cause the puppeteers had to stand somewhere.

Media, particularly family media like Merlin was designed to be, was designed to be a well rounded mix of child humor and adult storytelling so there was something for everyone from third grade brother to excessively media literate teenage daughter to tired Mom and Dad who just want a happy little story to old war story obsessed grandad. The whiplash and massively varied tone is a feature of the target audience, not a bug.

And goddamn I love it for that. As someone who has a level of media literacy that makes me painfully aware of production intent when consuming media I love how unapologetically pre-cringe culture and algorithmic marketing hellscape Merlin is by nature. I love that it caters to every mood I could possibly be in. I love that it doesn't constrain itself to a single marketing demographic. I love that it is genuinely unafraid of what people may say online about its silliness. It is, IMHO, one of the last pieces of media that exists in a sort of un-self-aware state of grace and storytells freely without a fourth wall breaking awareness of audience reactions.

The writing on the Adventures of Merlin astounds me constantly. Like. A goblin possesses Gaius and licks gold. Fart jokes are treated as relevant comedy. We’re supposed to believe that no one sees Merlin do magic in broad daylight, everyday, when we literally see his eyes flash and a sound effect plays. But then.

But then Uther dies on Arthur’s birthday.

You might not get it yet. You might not know why that’s insane. I’ll tell you. The significance of that event is that Igraine died in childbirth. Arthur’s birthday is already a reminder of his dead mother. A woman who died for his birth. And now his father dies, signifying Arthur’s ascent to King.

A rebirth. Once again forged in the blood of his kin, Arthur Pendragon is borne of death.

A day that has forever been bloodied is now drowning in red, and it has been and will always be treated as a celebration.

What were they on???? That they could waffle between some of the cringiest takes I’ve ever seen, and some of the most poignant symbols in modern storytelling. I simply don’t understand.

[arecipeforfeels]

Got high and decided I’m watching ca:tws so be ready for incoherence:

Marvel movies used to MEAN SOMETHING

They did however always live in the pocket of the military

I don’t care I would eat this movie if I could

They were so insane for it and they had to do civil war as the worlds worst no homo ever

HE DOESNT HAVE ANYONE AROUND THAT SHARES HIS EXPERIENCE COS HES LOST IN TIME

THE WHOLE MOVIE IS HIM BEING UNSUCCESSFULLY SET UP ON DATES

I hate everything

I also am not immune to an action sequence and some fun music….

Also it is very impressive how violent they can make these movies and completely get away with it if there’s no blood splatter

Bad guys r French, more at 10

I took a kickboxing class in like 2013 bc I thought black widow was hot and wanted to also be hot

(Sidenote, I also played basketball for five years bc of high school musical. I have never had an original thought in my life)

FIGHT SCENE NUMBER TWOOOOO

This is an iconic one cos it’s the one where he puts his shield on his back to fight for Even Footing (and also ON VA VOIR U WILL ALWAYS B FAMOUS)

people went so bonkers for that

Tag urself Im the giant harddrive

Okay goofiest admission ever: in this movie there’s a bunch of time spent in this one big building that’s supposedly located in dc. But it’s got this big giant atrium with a huge high steel and glass ceiling, and at some point during this movie someone hits it or crashes through it or shoots it. And every time I hear the words “glass ceiling” I think of this fuckin movie

CHEKHOVS ELEVATOR

“Wow yayyyyyyy war machiiiiiiime!! For sEcUriTy”

US Army wet dream while still trying to keep Cap there as a voice of reason

It’s a fascinating dichotomy

Air and spase! Museum (great night at the museum 3 reference)

Also I cannot believe he goes to his own fuckin exhibit

...actually upon reflection I too would go to my own exhibit

The endgame revisionism of him going back in time is soooooo stupid she does not exist to me

It’s such character assassination of everyone involved

(I don’t care, I say caringly, as I care deeply)

I also had (had??) a massive crush on Hailey atwell

Robert Redford is here

Weird joke about Algerians and the French

THERE IS AN ACTUAL COMPELLING CONVERSATION ABOUT PTSD

This movie is also a Chevy ad

Also I remember seeing the big SUVs in this movie and being like “damn those are tanks” they are also nothing compared to what’s out there now

This movie also feels so much more grounded in actual life

Like we talk abt all the CGI coming in later movies, this one feels gritty in comparison, on simply a mechanical level

Speed tour of dc

We have reached the civilian casualty stage of the movie

I can’t imagine how much money Samuel L Jackson has made off these movies

THE CAR FLIP SHOT W BUCKY IIIIIIIIII (editors note: this is where the coherence begins to go downhill. You can sense the trend)

god this movie

THE SHIELD CATCH IM EATING MY SHOES

Elevator scene lets fuckin goooooooooo

Let’s GOOOOOOOO

the tension build is so good

Everyone say thank u Steve rogers for breaking the glass ceiling

This movie is also an apple ad…2014

GUY WHO FULLY HITS ON STEVE AT THE APPLE STORE

Look the fuckin Natasha Steve bromance in this is lovely

Buddy comedy

I will say this was such a moment for the MCU, the hydra reveal

Esp cos like agents of shield was in its heyday etc etc

2014 sure was a time

This man [Toby Jones] has been so comically typecast forever

OPERATION PAPERCLIP CASUAL NAMEDROP

god

This is so fascinating to me Bc it’s like “Here is how we revisionize the United States’ history of interfering in coups etc etc it was bad guys in the government doing it etc etc”

“What we need to to is get back to the good government”

Sam Wilson the man that you are

Bucky shows up at any time in this fucking movie and I start barking

I am also always thinking of the “we shot him in ze legs” vine

This is my Roman Empire

“I knew him” oooouuuuugggHHHH

RIP Stan Lee

Bucky yeets a guy into a jet engine and by god does he look good doing it

This stupid movie (editors’s note: caught in a miasma of 2014)

[erindrifter]

So. Does the MCU, and Disney as a whole, severely overwork their CGI artists to the point of mass exhaustion in a situation that is absolutely unsustainable? Yes. No question about it.

Does that make the final CGI result bad though? People are always shit talking Marvel movies about how bad the CGI is, and in some cases that's true. In a lot of other cases, I gotta disagree. There is a lot of time and heart put into the movies still.

There's two parts to this. Firstly, there's necessity. Iron Man cannot exist in real life. No human person could ever wear the Iron Man suit. They would get crushed by every single joint piece. Hulk cannot exist in real life. The MCU wanted the extreme proportions of the Hulk, which is an unattainable body to get. The issue with Lou Ferrigno is that when he was the Hulk, he was just a body builder in makeup. The MCU wanted something that could easily be considered a monster, which necessitated CGI. Then, you get onto the slippery slope. You have a scene of Hulk going through Manhattan streets, but the destruction caused needed all the filmed scenes to be redone with CGI. So, don't bother filming those scenes, just CGI them to save time and resources. Eventually, you find out that rotoscoping in the actors onto entirely digital sets looks better than putting CGI characters onto practical sets. So, most of the movie is now going to be CGI. (This is not a defense, I just want to point that out. There are ways to get a good blend, they're just expensive with both time and money)

The second part is the element of the artists themselves. Whenever I go into a project, I don't want the end result to be low effort, unless maybe it's something just to kill time. Even then, I usually go back later. Making something that isn't up to par with my skills is an itch that I can't deal with. So, even if I'm stressed and tired, if I set out to make something, I will make it to the best of my abilities. I know my skills, I know what I can get done in a certain time frame. And I imagine that these CGI artists are at least similar. That's what drives them to those levels of exhaustion. It's a passion for the project. If I had that level of stress on a project I didn't care about, I would just leave. I imagine that happened still. But that means that the people left behind are the ones dedicated to the craft, and who have set out to do their best work on a project they care about.

In summary, if you're criticizing the digital effects of movies, then please take a second to consider how good the effect itself is. Sometimes, the effect is in fact bad. Sometimes the artists can't get a great project done to top quality in the time allotted. But to just dismissively say that the MCU looks like trash in general is reductive. Yes, Disney sets up movies like a factory assembly line, and that does need to get fixed. Yes, there are many cracks in the effects in these movies. But does that devalue every single effect in every single movie? This is why I get mad whenever people talk about the effects in the MCU. It's only ever reductive. I haven't seen a positive comment made on the digital effects in a Marvel movie for a LONG time. The movies can look good! Great, even! Even the new ones!

[agentnico]

The Suicide Squad (2021) Review

This may be the better of the two, but the first Suicide Squad film will always hold the crown for managing to win an Oscar... somehow.

Plot: The government sends the most dangerous supervillains in the world -- Bloodsport, Peacemaker, King Shark, Harley Quinn and others -- to the remote, enemy-infused island of Corto Maltese. Armed with high-tech weapons, they trek through the dangerous jungle on a search-and-destroy mission, with only Col. Rick Flag on the ground to make them behave.

“So that’s it, huh? We’re some kind of suicide squad?” says Will Smith in the original first film, with the line in itself being a poor attempt at a fourth wall break, yet, that movie never reached that promise of being a true Suicide Squad film. Because hardly anyone died, and as a whole David Ayer’s film was a generic mess, regardless of studio interference or not. In comes James Gunn from Marvel, who seems to have cracked the code for how to bring this comic book series to live action in proper gratuitous form, with even the ‘The’ in the title symbolizing that this is the one!

I remember going to see the first Guardians of the Galaxy film at the cinema, and back then I was still only just getting acquainted with watching western media, and that included superhero films. Heck my first ever Marvel movie was Thor: The Dark World! I know, what a banger to start with.......NAAAWT!! Anyway, I went to see Guardians and it was one of the first superhero films I came out of feeling like I truly witnessed something special. It had action, comedy and a good heart to it, and wouldn’t you know, my good old pal James Gunn was behind that flick. I don’t know why I called him my good old pal, I don’t even know the fella. Except in my dreams, but we don’t talk about that. So, flashforward to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, which I absolutely hated, and for that movie I’m pretty sure Marvel gave Mr Gunn mostly full reigns of creative freedom, as long as he kept it family friendly, and the result was a mess. Hence naturally now I was really sceptical when James Gunn ended up at Warner Bros. following the controversial moment when cancel culture decided to aim it’s slimy fingers at him, as he was given directing and writing duties for this new The Suicide Squad film, and also it was heavily insinuated that Warner Bros. basically told him he could do with the movie whatever the f*** he wanted, excuse my French. And we remember how it panned out last time when James Gunn was given a lot of creative freedom. 

Flashforward to present day; here I am wondering and scratching my head thinking what in the heavens has happened, as by golly I am happy to report that The Suicide Squad is a total winner and a blast with a capital B - Blast! Gosh goodness golly goblin, this movie is so much fun from beginning to end. Right from the opening sequence you know that this film isn’t holding back any punches. It’s going at a 447.19 km/h speed of a Koenigsegg Agera RS crashing through any barriers like it’s nothing. Speaking of the opening sequence, it establishes why the movie is called what it’s called from the get-go. You straight away are proven how not a single character is safe, minus the obvious one that we know who it is, as there ain’t no way Warner Bros. would have allowed James Gunn to kill off that one character. But besides that person, everyone else feels like they could die at any given moment. That’s really a big charm of it, as it is frustrating how in many superhero films, let alone any blockbuster action flicks, so many characters always feel so safe and unstoppable, no matter how many times they get shot or how many buildings crash down upon them. And yes, this movie features a certain CGI character that constantly gets that treatment and survives, although it’s very self aware in that regard and is purposefully humoristic. But overall the entire set of characters feel easily disposable, and so so many of them die in such gruesome fashion, so indeed don’t get attached, as they don’t. 

Speaking of which, this movie is hardcore gory! You see limbs and intestines flying round left and right, a guy gets ripped in half by a humanoid shark, another’s face gets teared off by a shotgun bullet and so on forth in all kinds of gruesome fashion. Visually this is one for the big screen, as here’s the thing: you’re either a mummy’s boy or you grow some cojones and go see a man’s heart get stabbed with a piece of debris glass in 4K high rate definition! Your choice! Oh, and it’s not just the violence, also the cinematography and the practical set pieces all look incredible. This is easily James Gunn’s best looking movie. The entire think LOOKS incredible!

We also have to talk about the cast, as they are all great! There literally isn’t a single weakling among them. Each one, no matter how big or small their role is, brings something to the table. I can’t talk about all of them, as we’d be here all day, so I’m simply going to mention a few of the stand-outs. Idris Elba comes in to replace Will Smith as a character called Bloodsport, who is in some ways a different character but evidently is a replacement of Smith’s. But that’s no bad thing, as with any ensemble movie you still need a main character to latch onto and have an emotional hook towards, and he is that character. In fact, I’d say he’s arguably better than Will Smith in the last movie, or at least he seems to be having more fun here. He works as a solid leading man, however what works even more is his banterous competitive genital-size-measuring back and forth with John Cena’s Peacemaker, who by the way is awesome as that character. He is not a good character, in fact he is as bad as a bad guy can get, especially cause he’s someone who believes that what he is doing is right, making him much more of a dangerous wild card. This is easily John Cena’s best role, with him adding to the comedy one-liners, but also delivering such an interesting character who I’m looking forward to seeing more of in his standalone spin-off show confirmed for next year. Oh, and he wears a toilet helmet on his head which he defines as “a beacon of freedom” which says it all. We also have returning characters from the last film Joel Kinnaman and Viola Davis as Rick Flag and Amanda Waller respectively, and both are given much more room to stretch their talents and spread their beautiful acting wings like the Hollywood angels that they are. Kinnaman’s Rick Flag is the moral compass of the group, as even though Elba is our main guy, he’s nonetheless a villain still, whilst Flag is a genuinely good guy and what is defined as a true American hero, to which Kinnaman fits the part well. And Viola Davis as Amanda Waller is on an absolutely different level. You can tell she’s an Academy Award winner through and through, as she plays such a serious character in an otherwise goofy movie, and so her presence is felt and it is felt BAD! She’s such a despicable yet intimidating personality and she gravitates all of the screen presence to herself. Margot Robbie returns as Harley Quinn, and she gets even more chance to develop this character that she’s played in multiple DCEU films now, and as per usual the Harley Quinn shtick works well for her, though I do kind of wish she didn’t always get all the attention. Look, I think she’s a fun character and Robbie plays her well, however she’s constantly used to overshadow others in these films which I don’t think is too fair, and its evident as ever in this film too. Anyway, the remainder of the cast including Jay Courtney as Captain Boomerang, David Dastmalchian as Polka-Dot Man, Michael Rooker as Savant, Nathan Fillion as TDK, Daniela Melchior as Ratcatcher 2 (who gave me strong A Plague Tale: Innocence vibes) and many more all play villains, but villains that don’t have particularly great superpowers. This is where the tragedy of Task Force X as a team plays a part, as many of these villains aren’t even good at being villains. They are useless, and the movie is really self aware of this and so treats all characters as they should be. Dare I also not forget to mention the CGI characters in this film, with both Weasel and King Shark being absolute scene stealers! 

The Suicide Squad is the type of wham-bam-thank-you-mam batshit crazy entertainment which exists for the pure reasons of fun. It doesn’t set out to be the best superhero film ever, nor does it need to be. It’s an exhilarating, shocking, funny and amusing ride from beginning to end, with the energy never stopping, and is easily the best time I’ve had with a comic-book film in a long while, and I’m even talking about before COVID! Do yourself a favour and watch this one as soon as you can, as I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - The Suicide Squad is a BLAST!!

Overall score: 9/10

[bokettochild]

Pissed

Like, there is so much potential for a good Zelda movie (if we can make 'em up in our heads than we know there's potential out there) but no, they want to Marvel it up and give us something with most likely insanely famous actors who are nothing like the characters, we probably won't get our amazing little twink back but will instead get some muscle mass meathead, whatever sidekick they create/select is so going to end up being Olaf levels of "I want to kill it" and they will make everything so freaking normal!

Like, I want an animated movie with the insanely Out There character designs for everyone who's not Zelda or Link, but they're probably just going to have regular people be the background actors, and they're going to look like normal people too!

I love the fun designs and sets of Zelda and they'r probably going to end up green screening CGI-ing the crap out of this, killing the charm.

Link, I can guarantee, is going to talk. An animated character who never speaks can be charming, but in live action? Never seen them do it well, and only played up for angst when they're less verbal.

Romance B-plot 90% going to happen, no shipping freedom, so stupid amount of weird strange girls simping for our boy.

They have two options: Make a movie based off a game that already exists and thus disappoint anyone who doesn't consider this game their fav (probably BOTW/TOTK or OoT/MM), or else make up a new story.

And that new story won't be near as fun as the games because it will be made to flow easily and be more action and less cool references to the games and crazy kooky confusion and delay. They'll kill the childlike wonder that comes with most games by over angsting it and playing things for laughs that are annoying and boring, rather than really actually making something to make us grin and giggle and kick our feet like the little idiots we all are.

The wonder and thrill....gone

To make a good Zelda moie, you'd need to write a love letter to the fans, include all the appropriate line "It's dangerous to go alone" "terrible fate" "it's a secret" basically all the fun things that fan creator's love to add! You need the obligatory scene of Link just pausing to destroy some pottery, you need at LEAST three temples or dungeons for him to fight through and learn things, maybe skills, maybe lore (and maybe be guided by past heroes for ultimate fan joy). Link needs to be a clueless twink who just woke up and was handed a sword, but will we get this?

No, more likely than not, Miyamoto's observation that the charm comes in the player's struggle, effort and joy at overcoming will mean we get some random ass nobody from the real world who gets bloody isekied into Hyrule or some crap and then has to figure out his shit! And then gets a dumb, standard, genaric moral or lesson taught to him in the story.

We probably won't get the painful lessons of letting go and grieving like in Majora's Mask, the sorrowful goodbyes from Link's Awakening and Twilight Princess and Skyward Sword- and basically all of them I guess. Instead, we'll probably watch some token mentor get killed like every other flick ever, or else no one will actually die or they're kill TOO MANY people to make it grim-dark!

Like, my biggest fear is that, like most media that gets "granted" a live action remake, we're gonna get grim-darked so bad we'll need a flashlight and some shot-glasses for every trope we see.

So yeah, I have nothing but low expectations.

NOW HOLD THE FUCK ON

ZELDA FANS HOW WE FEELING?

[can-of-pringles]

My thoughts about Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

(Spoilers ahead)

This movie started off so normal for a Marvel movie, it quickly turned dark.

I wasn't prepared for the overall darkness of the movie, as well as the gore. Don't get me wrong, it's not AHS level of gore, but it was extremely surprising to see in a Marvel movie under the ownership of Disney.

I loved seeing Chavez's pride pin! And her two moms!

I like the star shaped portals she opens.

I was genuinely surprised that Wanda was the main villain in the movie, I really thought she and Strange would've teamed up to take down a bigger threat! I guess all the trailers tricked me.

Another thing, Wanda was slightly OOC. I don't think it was a good choice for them to go from Wandavision, to her 100% being the villain of the movie. My problem isn't her being a villain, my problem is they rushed into it and didn't progress at a good pace for her to become a villain over time.

I think her character development would've made more sense if in the movie she slowly turned into the villain and by the end she was.

Why didn't she just mind control Chavez? Why did I think that she was initially going to keep Chavez as a magic slave basically and force her to use her powers for whatever she wants.

Doctor Strange please don't have a third eye I hate it.😃

So. Much. Death. It was so brutal omg. And I thought Loki's death was bad..

Mm I love those close ups on dead Strange for a lot of the movie /s

I have a headcanon that the Wanda she possessed was from an X-Men universe.

The worst deaths imo was Black Bolt, Charles Xavier, Uh sorry I forgot his name John Krasinski character, and evil Doctor Strange. Honestly too many deaths to count.

I seriously thought Wong would die. I'm glad he didn't.

I'm thankful they didn't bring more X-Men characters into the movie knowing that was their fate.. my boi Peter Maximoff was spared.

Ok I didn't laugh at the tiny bits of humor in the beginning idk.

I actually do feel bad for that random guy's cats though 😢

Charles wearing the black turtleneck yes he borrowed it from his husband Magneto 😌✨💅

Tommy and Billy's song made me cringe just a tad.. but they're still cute.

I got so mad when Stephen kept saying Wanda's kids weren't real. To you maybe 😒

I literally find it hard to believe that Wanda's first idea about Chavez was literally child murder. Really? Look, I understand but why was that her first instinct?!

Bye to those fake sheep on the farm... or "feep" (fake sheep)

A Doctor Strange speaking Spanish, nice!

I wasn't too interested in the Stephen and Christine plotline but I guess for some reason we got to add romance to the movie.

The good book is burnt :(

Wanda didn't off herself ok? She's too important to Marvel for them to just kill her right there.

I approve of the pizza balls

Paint universe! Or looks like slime.. GAK

Missed the opportunity for a cartoon universe.

Wow a major thanks to all the cgi and special effects people who worked on this 👏 it was a LOT

Weird not seeing Vision at ALL. I guess Wanda had to choose between Vision and her kids and she chose them?

I keep saying this, but literally Wanda has the power to bring her sons back into existence and put a little hex cloud thing over their heads like Elsa does for Olaf. LITERALLY A DISNEY ICE QUEEN CAN DO IT! SO CAN WANDA! But noooo that would be too obvious 😒

None of this would've happened if Wanda hadn't gotten the book from Agatha. Man, it really was Agatha All Along >:3c

Overall, it was technically a good movie. I think there's room for some improvements, but I enjoyed it more than Infinity War!

[thefilmsimps]

A Grab Bag of Shushy Reviews

Hey Shushy here! As some know I'm taking some time off from the podcasts to focus on enjoying my free time (and watching whatever the fuck I want every week) but now I've watched a bunch of stuff and I have nowhere to talk about it so get ready for a 12 paragraph grab bag of movie reviews! (This thing is a real novel and I don’t care how you feel about that.)

I'll be reviewing them in descending order of how I felt about them:

TITANE - 9/10

Goddamn this movie fucks. The first act of this movie is crazier than the third act of any superhero or action property that's come out in the last thirty years, this movie starts at 120 MPH. The second act slows down the plot a bit and the rest of the movie is a surreal slow-burn but that's also what makes it truly great even if it does feel a bit slow in the last half hour. (The final scene does match the insanity of the beginning though and the ending is great.)

Check this shit out! A lady fucks a car.

PERFECT BLUE - 8.5/10

A great anime from the late 90's with social commentary that still really resonates today. The animation and voice acting are incredible and it's only like 80 minutes long and has a quick-moving plot that hits you hard and often. It's a mostly fantastic movie with a last minute twist that I wasn't super crazy about but works as part of the story it's telling, maybe if I was watching this before the Me Too movement happened I'd give it a higher score. It's also got a genuinely disturbing scene of simulated sexual assault so just know that going in.

There's a scene early on where the main character uses Netscape Navigator to get onto the internet and I had not thought about that app since the last time I used it probably in like the year 2000 and I instantly felt like I was a thousand years old, it was awesome.

LAMB 7.5/10

I was really excited for this movie after I saw the trailer and while it's a good movie it's definitely not as much of a blast as the trailer implied. I saw this less than 48 hours after seeing Titane (which weirdly has similar story elements except Titane starts on meth and then switches to heroin while Lamb is like experiencing a full mushroom trip including the slow build-up.)

The first act of Lamb definitely feels like you're watching someone just do their Animal Crossing chores, in my opinion it could have been trimmed down to Perfect Blue length and been a tighter movie. Once the movie introduces the child it gets way more interesting (especially once you get a decent look at her) and then it's a pleasant slow burn until the final scene which randomly is insane and then the movie ends. I was really upset that they didn't keep going because if the plot had an additional 20 minutes of story that went on past the events of the final scene man that could have been a 9 or a 10, like I was so ready for whatever was about to happen and then it ended. This could have been Midsommar or The Lighthouse-level great but they stopped far too short.

Better than Saint Maud though.

FREE GUY - 5.5/10

I watched this illegally on my buddy's PLEX account and I'm so glad I didn't pay for it. I know a lot of people in here were raving about it but I really think you all were just so excited to be back inside a movie theater again that you didn't care if the movie you were watching was generic as fuck. Because goddamn this movie is a pandering mess, it really wants to remind you that Fortnite exists, and I usually will forgive a movie quite a lot if it gives me Ryan Reynolds being funny but outside of a couple lines (none of which I can even recall right now but I do remember laughing) it wasn't really that funny. The action was also too CGI-y to be exciting and you can tell that this was filmed before Disney bought Fox and that after the deal went through they went back and did some re-shoots because there's a scene with literally only Ryan Reynolds in it that goes through multiple shameless Disney-owned IP references (Marvel, Star Wars, etc) that was so fucking obnoxious it took me out of the movie and made me yell "FUCK YOU!" at my screen.

And while the plot is serviceable and most of the cast is fine let me tell you that this movie kind of ruined Taika Waititi for me, he's the villain that's trying to be super funny in every single scene he's in and miserably fails. He's painfully bad in this and as someone who's loved pretty much every movie I've watched him direct (including Jojo Rabbit which blew me away) I really can't believe how horrible he was in this. His character in this is the exact opposite of Korg. He was more charming and likeable when he was playing Hitler. He's not funny whenever he's trying to be and then when the plot calls on him to be scary and evil he's not good at that either, they should have cast Matt Berry instead.

(Also why was Channing Tatum in two scenes? Was that a cameo or has he become less famous over the years?)

Oh I remember one of the jokes I liked. It was about gun violence in America. It was pretty spot-on. Ryan Reynolds didn't even say it, Jodie Comer did. She deserved so much better than this movie.

MUPPETS HAUNTED MANSION - 4/10

Let me start by saying I generally watch all Muppets stuff for the most part. I’m not a completionist by any means but I loved Jason Segel’s The Muppets and was really let down by Muppets Most Wanted. I’m probably one of like five people in the country however that actually really enjoyed their sitcom from a few years back that ripped off The Office (I thought it was pretty interesting that Kermit broke up with Piggy and I liked his new pig girlfriend and honestly like I totally got why he did it, she was hot. I’m not ashamed to admit this.) I don’t think it was an amazing show by any means but I loved The Muppets being in a property more aimed at adults again because my least favorite Muppets is Muppets directly aimed at children, these characters are at their best when it’s aiming at both simultaneously (The Muppet Movie is a 10/10 masterpiece and The Great Muppet Caper and The Muppet Christmas Carol are both all-time classics.)

Which brings us to this thing. It reeks of being whipped together on the fly during COVID (90% of the guest stars were clearly filmed against green screens) and while there are a couple good jokes and like one single good song (and it’s NOT the abysmal Dancing In The Moonlight cover everyone awkwardly dances to at the very end) this is a massive letdown. This has the same energy of those lazy Simpsons Disney Plus shorts, like I know that Disney wants originals for its streaming service but the stuff they shit out for it feels extra shat out. This thing is only like 54 minutes long and yet it drags. You can tell whether or not a Muppets thing is being made by someone who deeply loves The Muppets (like Jason Segel’s movie) but this felt really haphazardly assembled. Not even Will Arnett being the most prominent human character could save it (and Taraji P. Henson was legitimately painful.) Bad plot, very few good jokes or songs and really bad editing especially in the last 20 minutes. Do better, Muppets.

And that’s it! If you saw any of these movies and disagree with my opinion you’re wrong.