#me after posting things that only concern myself and a select few other folk ^_^

[soullessjack]

THE FULL PANEL WAS FINALLY FUCKING UPLOADED AND IM GOING INSANE . CATEGORY 7 AUTISM EVENT EVERYBODY SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER ‼️‼️‼️

[wildwarcat]

Warhawk: The Second Avenger

Alright y’all, I’ve been meaning to post this for months and I finally got around to it. This fic is available only on Fanfiction.com under the title above. If you like the prologue, which I’ve posted below, definitely check it out on Fanfiction. This is NOT a reader fic, it’s a preview of an OC-centric fanfiction posted on another site. Enjoy!

Words: 4k

Warnings: Language, implied smut, references to homophobia

Chapter One 

Prologue

"The hero is the one who kindles a great light in the world, who sets up blazing torches in the dark streets of life for men to see by. The saint is the man who walks through the dark paths of life, himself a light." ~ Felix Adler

Edwards Air Force Base, June 1987

I could not have asked for a more beautiful day than that of June twenty-second, 1987. I arose to the usual sound of my alarm clock at 0600 and was greeted by rays of an early summer sun shining down on the picturesque form with which I shared my bed. Captain Carol Susan Jane Danvers, a woman with a knack for flying and a personality as fiery as the afterburners of an F-15 snored gently next to me. Her long, blonde hair cascaded around her face in waves, framing her perfect features as she slept through the alarm. I reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, her snoring stopped and a small giggle escaped her. Her beautiful brown eyes opened a sliver.

"Well, now I know you're not sleeping anymore." I laughed quietly, my hazel eyes gazing adoringly at her. She scooted closer to me, wrapping an arm around my waist and burying her face in the crook of my neck.

"At least I get to open my eyes and see you lying next to me." She muttered into my chest, "Although, it'd be pretty nice to kiss my girlfriend when I see her on base later."

I sighed and pressed a kiss into Carol's hair, "You know we can't. Not if we want to keep our jobs. It's hard enough being women in the military. But if those shitheads knew about us, baby, they'd tear us to pieces."

Carol groaned, her face still buried in my neck. I laughed again and flung the covers off the both of us and slipping out of her grasp. Making my way into the bathroom before she could tackle me and drag me back into bed, I locked the door behind me and ran a hand through my tousled golden brown hair. My fatigues were folded on a towel rack next to the shower, my unit beret sat on the sink. Being a pilot, Carol was only seen wearing her flight suit on base, but being a part of command for the 31st TES like myself required a frequent change in attire. Dress uniform, fatigues, flight suit, repeat.

"Open up!" Carol rapped harshly on the door, "I need to shower."

"After what we did last night, I think we could both use one." I joked, unlocking the door. She burst in, pressing a quick kiss to my lips before she turned the shower on.

"Paige Rose MacDowell, just what are you implying?" She asked me with a sultry tone, her brown eyes sparkling as she began to strip.

"Exactly what you're thinking, beautiful." I smirked, grabbing a brush and beginning to work through the knots in my hair, watching as her perfect form entered the shower.

As soon as I arrived on base, a Lieutenant Colonel, whose name I didn't know, dumped a touring group of potential recruits on me. As badly as I wanted to say no and take off running in the other direction, I took over the tour with a stiff smile, leading the group toward the tarmac.

"Anyone here interested in being a pilot?" I asked over the rumbling of F-15 engines. A majority of hands went up in the air. I even caught a glimpse of a few girls amongst the boys, hands raised up high.

"Well, first things first, y'all need to be accepted into the Air Force Academy or join a collegiate-level ROTC program. After you graduate, you'll be commissioned as Second Lieutenants, after which you can declare your intention to become an Air Force Pilot. Unfortunately, women aren't permitted to fly combat missions, but we have several test pilots here at Edwards that are women."

A pair of F-15s flew overhead, sending a rush of air over us. I smiled as I watched the jets move up into a barrel roll. I pointed the jets out to the group.

"In fact, two of our female pilots are flying right now: Captains Danvers and Rambeau."

"Major! Major MacDowell!" A newly minted Lieutenant... Rhodes, I think his name was, came jogging toward me, calling my name over the roar of the active tarmac.

"What is it, Lieutenant?" I asked him, gesturing to the tour group, "I'm very busy."

"I've been sent by Colonel Kissinger to inform you that you're to meet with him in his office immediately." The young soldier panted as he slowed to a brisk walk. I glanced warily over at the boy.

"This isn't another one of Captain Danvers' pranks, is it?"

The young man shook his head and handed me a folded piece of paper, "No, ma'am. He gave me this for you."

I unfolded the paper and saw that there was only two words printed on it.

'Project Rebirth.'

The words were unfamiliar to me. I didn't know what they meant. We were working on Project Pegasus here at Edwards, whatever this Project Rebirth was... it was something that I hadn't been briefed on.

"Lieutenant Rhodes, would mind taking over this tour for me? Just show them the hangar, let 'em take a look at a few F-15s up close, answer any questions. My sincerest apologies, folks, but this is an emergency."

I turned on my heel and took off running toward Colonel Kissinger's office, making it there in record time. I straightened my beret before stepping inside and giving the aged colonel a salute.

"Major Paige MacDowell, reporting, sir." I said sharply.

"At ease, Mac." Kissinger replied, standing up from his desk chair and making his way over to me. We shook hands and Kissinger immediately led me out of the office.

"What's going on, Bart? What's so urgent that you pulled me away from duties?" I asked, handing back his note. Kissinger said nothing, he simply opened the door to a conference room and stepped aside. I walked in, but when I turned around, I saw that Colonel Kissinger hadn't followed me inside. The lock on the door clicked, trapping me in the conference room.

"Major MacDowell," An unfamiliar, gravely voice addressed me from the other side of the room. There was an immediate air of distrust as I turned to see a man standing at the head of the conference table, a man I did not recognize. He was stout, with a terrible bowl cut on his pudgy head, and beady brown eyes. He wasn't dressed in a military uniform, but in a lab coat, on which the name Otto Octavius was stitched.

"My name is Dr. Otto Octavius. I've been employed by the United States military for a secret scientific project."

"Project Rebirth." I said quietly, taking a seat at my end of the table.

"Correct." Octavius took his own seat and folded his hands in front of himself, "I trust that aside from the name of the project, Colonel Bartholomew Kissinger told you no other details?"

"No, Doctor. He didn't." I answered politely.

Octavius smiled a grisly smile, "Excellent. Allow me to explain. I'm sure you're aware of the story of one Captain Steve Rogers?"

"Of course, who isn't?"

"Indeed. After Dr. Abraham Erskine, the lead scientist on the project, was killed, his Super Soldier Serum formula was believed to be lost forever. But, thanks to the efforts of a few select minds, we have successfully recreated the serum. The military has created a shortlist of soldiers who display exemplary qualities reminiscent of Captain Rogers, and from that list they have selected you to be our subject."

"So... what?" I deadpanned, leaning back in my chair and giving him a cold stare, "You expect me to crawl into a pod, get injected with a serum you aren't sure will work, and get blasted with Vita-Rays that could very well kill me? All because the big wigs selected me from a shortlist of soldiers who are nice?"

"Well, when you put it like that it sounds crude and inhumane." Octavius replied, chuckling a little to himself, "But there is no need to be concerned, my friend. We reverse engineered the serum using samples of Steve Rogers' blood. It is perfectly safe. And after looking over your record, I doubt you'll have any trouble enduring the physical strain the injection will put on you. Following the procedure, you will be assigned your first covert mission by General Chain. I suggest you get your affairs in order tonight, the procedure will take place at 0700 tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" I stood from my chair and glared down at him, "I can't just drop everything on a whim to be a part of some science experiment! I have friends and family that will wonder what's happened to me!"

"Major, you have twenty-four hours to notify only your closest relatives and friends of your situation. Only those you can trust prior to the procedure should be informed."

I tried to come up with a decent counter-argument, but found that my mouth had gone dry, as though it had been stuffed with cotton.

I sat back down, "If I do this... I'm not gonna be like him. I'm not Captain America. For Christ's sake, my callsign is Warhawk, what does that tell you about me? I'm no Star-Spangled Woman. And I won't be turned into one. You turn me into a super soldier, and it'll only blow up in your face in the long run."

Octavius smiled, "I'd expect no less of an answer from one of the handful of women who served in the Invasion of Grenada. Now, no fluids or food of any kind beginning at 1800 hours tonight, absolutely no alcohol for the next twenty-four hours. You may bring one person with you to the procedure, should you feel the need to have a witness present." Octavius said, standing from his own chair and making his way over to me. He extended his hand, which I shook out of sheer politeness, before handing me a file, "It has been a pleasure meeting you, Major MacDowell. I shall see you bright and early tomorrow."

He went to the door, knocked three times and the door unlocked. The doctor left, and soon I followed, greeted by Colonel Kissinger on the other side of the doorway.

"Are you alright, Major? You're looking a bit pale." Kissinger asked me.

"Fine, Colonel. I just need an hour or two to process what I've just been told." I replied, straightening up a bit and returning to my office. Maybe a bit of paperwork would pull my mind away from the suddenly lingering sensation of dread that had set in me during my conversation with Otto Octavius.

Returning home from base was less than delightful. I had made it my personal mission to avoid Carol and Maria all day. Dr. Lawson agreed to be my witness for the procedure, but that didn't stop me from staying late in an attempt to delay having to explain everything to Carol.

"Took you long enough to get home." Carol called from the kitchen as soon as I stepped through the threshold. She ran out to meet me, a couple of beer bottles in hand. I sidestepped her and set my things down in my study a few doors down the hall. Carol followed me, shoving a beer into my hands as soon as they were free.

"You look like you could use a drink, babe." She smiled, pressing her lips to mine quickly.

"Sorry to disappoint, but I can't." I apologized, handing the bottle back to her.

"Of course you can! Just-" She raised her own bottle and took a long swig. She held the second bottle out to me and looked at me expectantly.

"No, Carol, I really can't." I said, pushing her hand away, "We need to talk."

She set both beer bottles down on my desk and grabbed my hand. For the first time in the years that I had known her, concern flooded her face, her brown eyes wide. I took a deep breath, gave her hand a firm squeeze.

"The higher ups are rebooting the Super Soldier Program. I'm their test subject. I go in for the procedure tomorrow."

I waited for the explosion of anger that usually followed any news Carol wasn't informed of at an earlier notice, but it never came. Rather, a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around me, a pair of lips met mine with a ferocity and intensity unlike any I had experienced before.

"I love you." She blurted out as soon as she pulled away. I tensed up; we hadn't gotten that far in our relationship before. I must've looked like I was going to throw up or something, because Carol's face grew concerned again, "You okay, baby?"

"Yeah." I choked out, setting a gentle hand on her cheek, "Better than okay, actually. I... I love you too."

She smiled, that signature lopsided, cocky, adorable half-grin that made me melt every time she sent it my way. I set an arm around her waist and led her toward the kitchen.

"C'mon. Sit down, finish your beer, and I'll give you the details."

I told her everything. About Octavius and Project Rebirth, about General Chain. She listened silently for the most part, maybe an occasional question here or there. When I was done, I waited for her to say something, anything. When she did, it was only a simple question.

"So... you're gonna become Captain America?"

I rolled my eyes and grabbed her empty beer bottle, tossing it in the trash, "Not exactly. I'll be more of a new and improved version of myself. The way Octavius put it, it sounds like I'll become the best version of myself."

"You said you could bring someone with you. Do you want me to come?" She asked, a twinge of hope in her voice. I shook my head.

"I don't think I want my girlfriend seeing me in immense pain as I'm battered with Vita-Rays. I called Dr. Lawson earlier; she'll be my witness." I told her, taking her hand as I sat next to her again, "But I don't know when I'll see you again after this. General Chain is sending me on my first covert op as soon as I step out of that pod."

Carol leaned over, pressing her forehead to mine and letting her beautiful brown eyes flutter shut, "Then we better make tonight as memorable as possible."

The sun was just beginning to rise as I slowed my truck to a halt in the parking lot of the Stark Industries Research and Development Park. The file that Dr. Octavius had given me contained only a single piece of paper with directions to the park and the time of the procedure. I stepped out of the truck and made my way to the front door, where an unfamiliar man stood waiting for me.

"Major, I'm Agent Fury, Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division."

I smirked, "Ever thought about just calling your agency, S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

"We've considered it." He replied, holding the door open for me. I stepped inside and let Agent Fury take the lead, bringing me down the empty hall into a maze of research labs and test rooms.

"Has Dr. Lawson arrived?" I asked him.

"I wasn't informed of it, Major. I'm just here to bring you to the lab. I won't be in the room for the procedure, Director's orders." Fury explained, coming to a stop in front of one of the research labs near the rear of the building, "Good luck."

I nodded once and opened the door. When I walked in, every scientist and government official in the room froze, eyes locked on me for a moment, before they went back to work.

"Major MacDowell." A woman's voice, clearly British and one I didn't recognize, approached me. I turned to see an older woman walking toward me, her eyes kind yet fierce, her ruby red smile polite. She extended her hand which I shook firmly, "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Peggy Carter, Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. We'll be working very closely after today, so I thought it ideal to be here for your procedure."

"Director Carter, it's an honor. My father served in the 107th, I grew up hearing stories about you and Captain Rogers." I told her. At the mention of Rogers, her gaze turned sad, but it returned to its original state just as quickly as it had changed.

"Allow me to introduce you to some of our associates." She offered, leading me out to the main floor, "You've already met Dr. Octavius, of course, and General Chain, I'm sure you're familiar with. Here, we have Howard Stark-"

Of course I knew who Howard Stark was, anyone who wasn't living under a rock knew who he was. He wasn't the spry, handsome, young playboy he once was, but he still had an air of brilliance about him; an air he had most definitely passed on to his son, Tony. Stark smiled warmly at me and shook my hand.

"Major MacDowell, we're looking forward to seeing what will become of you after today." He said, "Though, I doubt anyone could top the efforts of Steve Rogers. No offense."

"None taken, Mr. Stark."

"Please, call me Howard." He insisted.

"Then by all means, everyone here should call me Mac. My entire battalion does." I smiled.

"At least there's someone here who isn't trying to turn into a carbon copy of Rogers." A nasally voice remarked from across the room. Leaning against a set of computers was a man about twenty or so years younger than Stark, with a bit of a bored expression on his face.

"And this is Dr. Hank Pym. One of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s consulting scientists." Director Carter said politely. He didn't wave or anything, but I acknowledged him with a small nod, which seemed to be enough for him. As she began to list of the names of a few other military officials and a couple of senators, I found my gaze drawn to the pod at the center of the room.

This was happening... it was really happening.

"Major, are you ready?" Stark asked me. I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Excellent." Dr. Octavius walked over to me and shook my hand, "Please remove your shirt, shoes and dog tags."

I did as instructed, leaving on only my fatigue pants and a black sports bra. The pod lowered itself until it was parallel to the floor, Octavius motioned for me to lay down on it. I looked up at the observation room that sat in the northwest corner of the room, letting out a small sigh of relief when I saw Dr. Lawson standing there next to General Chain. She offered me a small nod of reassurance and I set myself down on the bed. A couple of nurses began prepping the serum while another one prepped my shoulder for an injection.

"Nurse Reilly will now administer a precautionary dose of penicillin." Stark informed me as the nurse sent a needle deep into my arm and hit the plunger.

"Let's get this over with then." Pym sighed. Director Carter made her way up to the observation room while Stark grabbed a microphone and began to give a little spiel.

"Ladies and gentlemen, officers and senators, welcome. While it may seem like a lifetime ago, it wasn't so many years back that I stood in a room similar to this to witness the rebirth of Captain Steven Grant Rogers. And today, we are here to witness the rebirth of the super soldier era. Major Paige MacDowell, today you become not only the first in a new line of soldiers, you become the first in a new line of heroes."

There was a bit of applause from the observation room before Stark set the microphone down and turned to Octavius.

"Dr. Octavius, let's begin."

Injection pads lowered themselves onto my shoulders, my stomach and my legs with the press of a button. With the press of another, small cylindrical vials filled with bright blue liquid began to drain. There was a sharp, pinching pain all throughout my body, as though a lightning bolt had been sent through me. The pod began to lift me up until I was perpendicular to the ground. After a minute or two the pain subsided.

"Serum injection complete. Preparing for Vita Radiation." Octavius announced. The pod began to close itself, sealing me inside. Once the pod locked shut, someone knocked on it from the other side.

"Mac, you okay in there?" Howard Stark's muffled voice asked me.

"Yeah," I replied loudly, "Though I think I may be claustrophobic after this."

I heard a few laughs on the other side, I must've been mic'd up. Suddenly, the small window that I had became invisible as a white light filled the pod. At first, the presence of the light sent a tingling sensation through my body. But as the light became brighter, the tingling became a dull, steady pain. I squeezed my eyes shut, but the light continued to grow brighter and pain grew sharper. I bit back the desire to yell in pain until it became too unbearable to handle. The sound that escaped me was unrecognizable, almost animalistic, but it fell away almost instantaneously when the light disappeared and the pain subsided.

The pod opened up with a steam-filled hiss and suddenly a rush of cool air greeted me. Stark and Pym rushed over and helped me down when the injection pads removed themselves. From a glance, I realized that I now stood an inch or two taller, so that I matched both scientists in height. I looked down and saw a well-defined four-pack, in fact, every muscle in my body seemed to have been given a major tune up. I felt... new, like I was a mint condition action figure just taken out of the box.

Director Carter and General Chain came jogging out of the observation room, Lawson seemed frozen in place.

"How do you feel, kid?" Pym asked me as we came to a stop.

"Fantastic." I panted, a dopey grin on my face, "Like I could do a triathlon and run straight into a marathon without breaking a sweat."

"That's good to hear." General Chain said, "Because from here on out, you work for Director Carter."

My grin fell away, delight replaced by confusion, "What do you mean, Chain?"

Carter smiled softly, "I believe the good general means to welcome you to S.H.I.E.L.D., Agent MacDowell."

"So when you said we'd be working closely, this is what you meant." I said in understanding. I paused for a moment, then looked her in the eye, "Working under a woman of your caliber will be an honor. Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it without question."

"Spoken like a true soldier." She remarked, a playful smile gracing her lips, "But you're not a soldier anymore, Paige. You're a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, which means that you're first and only priority is doing what you believe is right to make the world safe. Is that clear?"

"As crystal, ma'am." I answered. She extended her hand to me. I shook it, and followed her out of the room, into a new chapter.

[ikenbar]

Mr. Love: Ike's Choice CH5 PT6

Hehehe some Kiro angst is here!! And some fluff and resolution as well!! This'll be a good part so stay tuned!! :D

Warnings: One curse word but other then that its literally just angst, fluff, and resolution. Unless you got a problem with cliffhangers. Then you got another thing coming...

(Chapter Five (Kiro and Youran) Prologue and part one, two, three, four and five can be found here~)

((Please read the author’s note (and the beginning of the story) on chapter one part one if you’re new here :D))

Chapter Five:

Part six:

After that day, we had rescheduled the shooting for a couple days later that week. When the day came, I didn’t attend. Leaving Bart to take care of the field work as usual as I returned to behind my desk. Where I was meant to be.

It had taken some time but I was finally able to convince Victor to let me drive a car alone. Granted, It had GPS tracking so I was never really alone but it was nice to finally have control of my driving again. The drive to and from work where I was alone and lost in my thoughts that I dreaded being lost in. Being in control of the driving stopped me from going mad.

 I had sent my phone to be fixed and it returned to me as good as new. I was told that there had been a virus in it. Even though I didn’t believe them, it was nice to have my phone back. But with my newly fixed phone, I had gotten phone call after phone call from people. I only answered a select few, ignoring the ones from Gavin and Kiro. Youran would call too. No matter how badly I wanted to be left alone, I couldn’t just leave her hanging.

Youran was really understanding and, though she didn’t know what had happened, she was willing to help me feel better. Offering coffee dates in the morning just to talk or to even jog with me on the weekends. I tried telling her no. I tried pushing her away to be left alone. I wanted space to think… but the moment I saw her smiling eyes in my mind, I swayed into agreeing to anything she asked.

Youran had posted an interview with the Key. Clearing his name and posing the fact that he was really framed and someone else had been using his name. After it was posted, the hacking had stopped and our websites were back to normal. I had tried listening to the interview but couldn’t make it all the way through without the memories from under the studio sending me into a migraine. 

I had spent most of my time working but it was just to keep out of my mind. When I wasn’t working, I was working on the board I had put together in my apartment. It had all the information that I had about Montu and, now, Black Swan. Though there wasn’t much, it was something. Gavin often knocked at my door to check on me. But after a week of no answer, he stopped coming by.

Two weeks had passed and I was in my office working on my biweekly report for Victor when a soft knocking came from the door. I looked up and saw Minor standing there, smiling kindly and holding a mug in his hands. “Yes?” I asked, returning my attention to my computer.

“You’ve been working so hard this past week,” Minor walked into the room and placed the drink down in front of me, “I figured you could use a break! Stretch your legs, brighten the mind...” I glanced at the drink. Minor noticed and said, “It’s hot chocolate! It’s supposed to be comforting!”

“I’m fine.” I said impassively, returning my focus to the computer. Minor drummed his fingers on the mug.

“...You know,” He sighed, “Everyone is worried about you. No one can remember the last time you’ve eaten. Or… left the office in general. You’re here before anyone else is and are still here when everyone has left… Gavin even told me you’ve been ignoring him… Miss. Ike, you need to re-”

“I appreciate your concern,” I spoke impassively, “But I’m fine. It’s just work. And, with everything that happened a couple of weeks ago-” I stopped for a second as images flashed into my mind from that day, “... we are running behind schedule.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, steaming the pain that rose in my temples. Minor reached out to me but was cut off by the sound of an alarm going off on my phone. I picked it up and stood from my chair. “I’ve got to pick up my brother. I’ll be back in ten minutes. When I come back, I want this drink off my desk.”

Minor sighed, “Yes mam.”

>>>

I was sitting at the steering wheel reading my emails as I waited for Sam to come out of class. The passenger side door opened and Sam popped into the car excitedly. “Hey, Ike!” He sung, “How are you?”

“Fine.” The word had lost its meaning at this point, “How was school?”

“Not bad, but I heard something today!” Sam spoke quickly as I turned the car on, “Someone said the Carnival was in town! Can we go??” I froze.

>>>

“Did you hear!?” Kiro spoke excitedly over the phone, “The carnival is coming to town! We should go together!”

“Kiro, don’t you realize how dangerous this could be?” I sighed, “If word got out that you were at the carnival-”

“I’ll be safe! I promise!!” Kiro pleaded, “Come on, Super Stranger! I want to hang out with you!” My face grew hot as I stayed speechless. Superstar Kiro wanted to hangout with me! Of all people! “What? You don’t seriously think this my first time in public, do you?” Kiro teased, “I’ll wear a disguise! We’ll be fine! Trust me!”

>>>

I grimised and shook my head. “No.” I answered resoundly, shifting the car out of park.

“Aw come on!” Sam whined, “But it’s friday! And they’ll be gone by this weekend”

“No, Sam.”

“But I feel like I haven’t seen you all week!” Sam pouted, “You haven’t been over for dinner and we rarely talk when you pick me up... You’ve been so distant.” I paused, tapping on the steering wheel. Feeling Sam's eyes on me, I flashed a glance at him. His eyes were pleading. A pain shot through my chest.  “I… I know something happened to you last week.” Sam started playing with his backpack. “And even though you won’t tell me what happened exactly, I miss you… Please, Ike?” I tightened my grip on the wheel and glared at the road. Unable to help myself, I looked over to Sam. He was wearing the puppy eyes that he had used countless times before. I quickly looked back at the road.

Not again. I will not let those damn eyes get to me again…. No… no!... damn it.

I sighed deeply and, after stopping at a stop light, pulled out my phone. I dialed a number then held my phone up to my ear.

“Hello! This is Ikamara Bikira’s office!” Minor chimed, “She is currently out right now but I can leave a message!”

“Minor, it’s me.” I said, rubbing the bridge of my nose, “I’m not coming back to the office. I’m… taking that break.” Sam cheered from next to me.

“Really?!” Minor excitedly asked, “What made you change your mind? Was it my speech?!”

“No. It was my power hungry brother." I playfully glared at Sam, "Tell the office that if they need anything they should go to Bart before calling me… and not a word of this is to be repeated to Gavin, understand?!”

>>>

“Where should we go first!?” Asked a very all over the place Sam. We were standing at the front gate of the carnival. Screams and music played with our ears as the smell of fried goods and sweet treats did our noses. “We could go on the rides! Or play the games! I thought I saw a shooting game!! Ike, are you still a good shot?!”

“Of course I am.” I said as I looked around, “Just remember, we are only here for a little bit. I still have work I need to get back to”

“Don’t you always?” Sighed Sam, “Just enjoy the time spent with your favorite foster brother!! So, where do you want to go first??” 

“The ticket desk.” I arched an eyebrow, “Before we go anywhere, we need to pay for-” I was cut short as a bear approached us. Or more, a man in a bear costume.

“Ho ho ho!” He laughed, doing a little jig, “Welcome to the carnival! I’m Chuckles the Bear!” Chuckles chuckled, further extenuating his point, “Would you folks like to win some free tickets?!”

“Boy, would we!” Sam jumped excitedly. I hesitated. Something about this bear seemed familiar.

“Alright, little boy!” Chuckles patted Sam’s head, “All you gotta do is answer one question! Ready?” Sam nodded seriously, bracing himself.

“What color…” Chuckles paused for dramatic effect, “... is the sky?!” Sam threw his head up in the air.

“Well, today it’s looking pretty blue.” He said, pursing his lips slightly.

“Ding ding ding! We have a winner!!” Chuckles reached into his pocket and pulled out a large batch of tickets. He handed them out to Sam, “Here you go little boy!”

“Yay!!” Sam cheered and took the tickets. He held them out victoriously to me, “Now we don’t have to pay for tickets!” 

“Yeah...” I said slowly, looking up at the bear, “Thanks.”

“No problem!” Chuckles chuckled, “Just a little nice deed from your good ol friend Chuckles! I’ll see you folks around the park!” Chuckles turned and waved goodbye to us. Sam waved enthusiastically back.

“Bye!” He called, “And thank you!!” I narrowed my eyes. 

“Something about that bear was fishy.” I murmured.

“Who cares?!” Sam grabbed my hand again, “Let’s go!”

With that, Sam and I explored the park. We went on rides, played games, ate food. I was quick to notice that Chuckles was never too far from us. He was either selling balloons close by, playing a game a couple of stalls away, he even manned the cotton candy stand when we bought some. Though, the term 'bought' was used lightly as he wouldn’t let us pay for it.

Eventually, I had had enough.

I approached Chuckles from behind as he was handing a balloon to a little girl. “Here you are!” He said gleefully, “Thank you for the candy!!”

“What kind of employee trades a balloon for a piece of candy?” I asked, making Chuckles jump, “It’s a terrible way to run a carnival if you ask me.”

“Though, no one is complaining!” Sam spoke up from next to me, pulling his nearly full cart of prizes with him, “You can keep giving away free stuff if you feel like it! Especially to us!” I narrowed my eyes and folded my arms.

“What’s your deal?” I growled, “You’ve been following us all day.” 

“What are you talking about, Miss. Lady?!” Chuckles shrugged and rocked back and forth, feigning childlike innocence, “I’m just a kind and harmless bear!”

“I want answers, bear.” I snapped, startling the bear once again, “Don’t think I’m above beheading you in front of all these children.”

“Ok! Ok!” The bear’s voice had changed dramatically, “I’ll tell you just don’t take off my head! You’ll only end up making a scene.” I froze. I knew that voice all too well. Though it had been a long time since I had heard it.

“Kiro?” I asked in a harsh whisper. Chuckles looked around then lifted his head. A bright blue eyed Kiro smiled at me nervously.

“Hey, Super Stranger.” He laughed weakly, “Long time no see!” Sam gasped dramatically from next to me.

“KI-” He started. I threw my hand over his mouth.

“Shh!!” Kiro and I said quickly. Kiro dropped his bear head and looked around again.

“Can we talk somewhere a bit more private?” He asked through the mask.

>>>

“Coast is clear.” I let down the flap to the cleaning tent and walked back to the boys. Kiro took off his bear costume and sighed.

“Thank goodness.” He breathed, “That costume was so hot.”

“It’s Kiro!” Sam whispered excitedly as he jumped in place, “Ike! Ike, look! It’s Kiro!!”

“I know.” I scowled, folding my arms across my chest, “What are you doing here, Kiro?"

“I wanted to see the carnival!” Kiro smiled weakly at me. I deepened my glare, “And…. I also wanted to see you.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes. Sam stared at the both of us, awestruck.

“Ike!!” Said Sam, exasperatedly, “Kiro just said he wanted to see you?!?! What haven’t you been telling me!?”

“Remember when I got trapped under the studio and came out a mess?”

“Yeah?”

“He is the reason that happened.”

Sam gasped dramatically and scooted closer to me. Kiro sighed, “I thought I told you it wasn’t me! Didn’t you see Youran’s interview?”

“Yeah, I’m still not convinced.” I growled.

“Well, what can I do to convince you??" Kiro took a step closer to me, "Would you like more tickets? How bout a ride on the ferris wheel! I can get you the best seats! You can overlook all of Loveland from there!”

“Pass.” I turned around to the tent opening, “Goodbye, Key.”

“Ike, please.” Kiro grabbed my arm, “Please let me make this up to you. I hate the idea that you hate me. Just, let me do something! Or, better yet, you do something! Yell at me! Beat me if you want!” I stayed where I was, fighting with the anger in my chest. This man just treated me the same as everyone else did in my life, and he expects me just to let it go?! “W-wait!” Kiro turned me around and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a little white handkerchief. “Don’t you want this back?” He asked, handing it to me. I didn’t take it. I just stared at it as memories of all the times he got hurt poured into my mind. It was all because of me! Why was he fighting so hard to come back to me? It seemed wrong. What was he trying to prove?!

Kiro sighed and dropped his hand to his side. “i know I hurt you.” His voice cracked. , “I know there are things I need to make up for and I understand it can take some time… I-I just… want to be your sidekick again.” Kiro’s last words were enough to obliterate whatever anger had. I fought to bring it back. He lied to you! He broke your heart! I repeated that in my head as I finally looked up at  him. Kiro’s eyes were sparkling. But it wasn’t the regular sparkle that made fans weak. It was the kind of sparkle that came from the water that pooled under his eyes. 

My heart shattered. 

I made Kiro cry.

 I was probably the only person on earth to make Kiro cry. That was a badge I never wanted to bear. 

I relaxed my body as I looked at him. Time seemed to pass slowly as we held our breaths, struggling to keep the silence. Eventually, Sam tugged at my shirt. “I know I’m supposed to hate him right now,” Sam said with a strain in his voice, “but even I can’t be angry at that face.” Kiro shifted his eyes to Sam.

“Sorry.” He said, struggling to maintain his smile through a forced chuckle, “I-” I walked up to Kiro, cutting him off. I took the handkerchief and brushed it under his eye, stopping a tear from rolling down his cheek. Kiro’s eyes flashed a look of surprise. I examined his face a little longer. Then sighed and rested my head on his shoulder.

“... Why did you have to pull the sidekick card?” I said, punching him weakly on the arm. Kiro’s body tensed. I shook my head and pulled him into an hug. Kiro stalled a moment, but it didn’t take him long to reciprocate. He held me tightly as we stood together in silence. I tightened my grip on him. I was afraid that, if we separated, something would happen to make me lose him. To lose myself. He brought me so much light. How could I have just let that go?

After a long moment, I felt something hit my side. I looked down. Sam had invited himself in on the hug. I smiled and patted his head. Kiro looked down at Sam, wiping his face as he laughed. “Hey, kid.” Kiro rubbed Sam’s head, “If you wanted a hug, just say so!”

“Really?!” Sam beamed. 

“Why don’t we get out of this tent first?” I pushed away from the boys’ embrace and pocketed my handkerchief. Kiro looked at me hopefully. 

“Can... I join you?” He asked, anticipation dripping from his tongue.

“It’s to be expected.” I arched an eyebrow and folded my arms, “I do believe I promised a certain someone a day at the carnival.” I smirked. Kiro smiled brightly, sending the long missed feeling of butterflies in my stomach. That smile didn’t last long though as Kiro suddenly frowned.

“Wait, does this mean I have to put back on the bear suit?”

(Next)

[alliswell21]

Older!Peeta for your prompt request?

Hi Anon! This Prompt has been in my inbox for an embarrassing long time. But it just kept growing and getting away from me. So, it’s not a drabble anymore. It’s a 4500+ word one shot, and I hope you like it.

Rated G.

>>—————>

He’s wiping the preparation table when I walk onto the threshold of the back door to his bakery. I linger a moment, just to admire the flex of his strong, muscly arms, before clearing my throat, alerting him of my presence.

Ha startled a little when he looks up, but as soon as he realizes is me, he smiles broadly, making my breath hitch and my knees falter. The man is in his early thirties, give or take some ten years my senior, but I can’t help the way my stomach flips every time he smiles, regardless of if it’s directed at me or someone else.

“Hello, Katniss! What can I do you for?” The young baker says throwing his rag over his shoulder, making his way to meet me.

I step forward, trying not to trip on my own feet. Every time we trade I hope he doesn’t catch up on the humongous crush I have on him. I would die of embarrassment if he did.

“Hi, Mr. Mellark. I have a couple of squirrels in my bag, in case you’re interested.” I say with my best smile, one I secretly save just for him.

“You know I’m always interested in your squirrels, Katniss! I love me a fresh game stew.” He says, winking at me, making my heart rush.

I can’t hold his gaze, my cheeks are burning. I try to shove down my silly infatuation to close the deal already and retreat to the street, where my heated face and neck can cool off.

I busy myself rooting around my bag, choosing the thickest critters while mindlessly responding to his comment.

“We usually fry ours. Especially if I get too many and can’t trade them all for something else. Having a whole fried squirrel to oneself is alright when there ain’t anything else besides.”

I pull two fat squirrels out of the bag triumphantly, but when I raise my eyes, my smile falters. I think he was looking at me with pity or something in that realm, it’s hard to tell, since almost immediately his eyes took his usual warm, jovial quality. But I’m still mortified, the last thing I want is for him to pity me. He’s the only person to ever showed me compassion in this town, and I don’t want him to worry about my wellbeing; I can take care of myself and my family now.

When I was eleven, there was an explosion in the coal mines where my father worked. My father was one of the few lucky ones to come to the surface with his life tightly grasped. Father suffered third degree burns over most of his body, his boots melted to his skin. The town doctor had to amputate both legs. Father was alive and eventually recovered from his many injuries, but the accident had effectively rendered him employable any longer.

The fear, anger and helplessness I felt then almost ate me whole; of it hadn’t been for Mr. Peeta Mellark, my whole family would’ve starved to death, but here we are still, and I want him to know we’re okay now.

“Fried squirrels are a perfect meal on their own. Why mess it up with sides if you can help it?” I smile at him weakly.

“True. But if you ever have an overstock on game of any type, don’t hesitate on coming here to trade. I host family supper with my folks, my brothers and their families every so often. More meat in the stew will always be a plus!” His smile is so sweet and genuine, I have no choice but to agree.

“Will do.”

He looks over the squirrels with a satisfied smile on his lips and nods in approval, which makes me burst with pride and joy; he turns to bag a loaf of bread from a nearby tray and while he’s doing it, he asks conversationally, “So, are looking forward to the festival tonight?”

“Yes. Nothing like my sister, though. But I am looking forward to it. Daddy is coming too. It should be nice.”

“That’s great news about your father,” he says looking at me over his shoulder. “I bet your mother will have her hands full, caring for him and shooing away all the boys that’ll come asking you for a dance,” his eyes are full of mirth as he hands me the bread.

My mother, is the daughter of the most trusted apothecary in town, she’s a very respected and sought out healer, but caring for Daddy became a full time job for her for a while, leaving me as the sole breadwinner for the household.

I’m uncomfortable with the last part of the baker’s comment, but I try to hide it. “Oh, not really. I don’t get asked to dance much,” is a statement, and I’m completely fine with it, but Mr. Mellark is frowning, like he can’t believe it, so I add, “I’m not the dancing type, anyway. I’ll be too busy making sure Prim’s line of admires doesn’t get out of hand.” I smile.

“Surely that fellow, Gale Hawthorne, will like to take you into the dance floor for a spin?” The baker asks doubtful.

I shake my head. “He’ll most likely be too preoccupied watching over his siblings for that.” I shrug.

I think he’s about to say something else, but I cut him off pretending I didn’t notice, informing him Prim will be over tomorrow with some of her goat cheese. Four years ago, I was able to get a nanny goat for my sister. Now we have two goats that produce good milk. Primrose, makes cheese and sells it. She does well with her cheeses.

The baker and I conclude our business quickly after that, and I hurry home before the baker has a chance to start talking about the festival again. I’m exhausted from having to keep in check all my feelings and emotions in front of the baker while we traded. Is a taxiing chore being polite and friendly without showing my affection for the man, I doubt he’ll be thrilled to learn of my crush anyway. Is a well known fact that the man is very selective where women are concerned.

The baker, Mr. Peeta Mellark, is single, relatively young and very attractive. Women of all ages flock to his shop like flies to a flame. He’s also very well off being one of two bakers in town— the other one is his oldest brother, who’s married with children of his own— but Mr. Peeta has only been romantically linked to a couple of ladies in the last few years, and none of the relationships progressed to marriage. I know is silly, but I like him not being linked to anyone, it just makes my crush on the man feel harmless, at least this way, the only heart that could get potentially hurt is mine.

My family is already preparing for the festivities when I step into my home, and my mother sends me straight to the washroom, where a tub with warm water awaits me. After I’m rid of the grime of the day, my mother lets me wear one of her dresses from when she was young, a very femenin blue number with matching blue shoes. She puts my hair in an elaborate updo and Prim swoons dreamily, imagining there would be a line of boys trying to ask me to dance with them.

I snort.

It seems my sister and the baker mistake me for something I’m not. Nobody wants to dance with a scrawny, dark, scowling girl, with too many responsibilities and mouths to feed to be paying any attention to suitors. Of course, I don’t say any of this out loud because Prim seems happy, and there’s so little instances in which she can let her imagination romanticize my life anyway, I let her be for the night. Tomorrow will bring reality way too fast, there’s no reason to rush into it.

At seven o'clock, my mother and I sit Daddy in his wheelchair, while Prim pushes it carefully out of the living room and unto the small ramp running down the porch steps. Mother takes over and Prim and I simply flank our mother’s sides while we make our way to the town square.

Everyone is in attendance, the Harvest Festival being one of the few events our small community celebrates in unison. This year they went all out with the decorations; fairy lights hang criss crossed from building to building overhead all over the square. Small bouquets of wildflowers and sprigs of wheat and even a small fruit can be found tied with strips of burlap to light poles or benches all over the place; and the smell of spiced cider fills the air, making it feel warm and cozy, though is completely packed in here.

There are a few booths where one can buy cider, candied apples or pastries, circling the square perimeter. Prim squeals when Daddy gives a coin and sends her away to get peppermints from the sweets’s table. A group of men with mismatched instruments play music in the gazebo on the opposite corner of the square; that’s where Daddy wants to go, because he started playing the harmonica with the fiddler a few months ago, and the man invited my father to join ‘the band’ for the festival. The problem is that my mother and I can’t lift Daddy’s chair up the four steps into the gazebo.

We start looking around for either Gale or his brothers, so we can figure something out, but before my neck gets permanently stretched like a lamp post, Peeta Mellark materializes out of nowhere, and lifts my father— chair and all— over and on the wooded structure, all by himself. My parents thank him profusely, but the baker waves them off humbly, saying it was his pleasure.

He smiles at me for a moment; I think he blushes, but he tears his eyes away much too fast. I realize he could’ve been just flushed with exertion. He did just haul a grown man in a wheelchair a good foot and a half from the ground or so.

Daddy won’t let him go yet, though, “Alright, I’m a man of tradition. You do something nice for me, and in return, I’d like to do something nice for you. What’s your favorite song, sir? I know the band will be happy to perform it, and dedicate it to you. Who knows, maybe you’ll have an excuse to bring a pretty lady out on the dance floor?”

Mr. Mellark scratches the back of his head, “I’m manning my booth over there. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to close it for the night, but there’s this one song…” I believe his eyes flick in my direction for a moment, but he shuffles on his feet, and continues, “The Valley song. I know is a slow one, and I doubt I’ll dance it out with anyone, but if the band can squeeze the request in…” He Let’s the words hang in the air scratching his neck again.

“I’ll see what we can do! Thank you again for your help, mr. Mellark.”

“Peeta.” He says quickly, and brings his hand forward to shake Daddy’s. “Mr. Mellark is still my father.” He smiles.

Daddy nods. “Hunter Everdeen, harmonica player extraordinaire.”

We all chuckle at that and the baker walks off after another hand shake and a nod to mother and me. My heart is beating so fast, I think I’ll break a sweat in a minute without a way to explain it, so I make some excuse and head out find Prim, who’s been gone way longer than expected.

After finding Prim sitting on a bench with her school friends and the younger Hawthorne boys, I figure I should visit with my own friends… except my only friends are Madge Undersee and Gale Hawthorne, and the two are currently pressed together in the middle of the dance floor barely stepping in a small circle, although the music is too lively and fast for their slow pace. I scowl, not really jealous because they seem to be sweet on each other, but jealous because they can dance with someone they like, and no one thinks anything of it.

“I guess that’s why you were so adamant nobody wanted to ask you to the dance floor.”

I startled, though the voice speaking over my shoulder is deep, velvety soft and full of something like concern. I turn around to find blue eyes watching Gale and Madge with a frown.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to dance with Hawthorne. I’m even more sorry for pestering you about it earlier. I apologize if I caused any distress.” Peeta Mellark says quietly, this time looking straight at me.

I shake my head, smiling. “Nah. Is not like that. When I graduated school, Gale asked me out. I turned him down because I didn’t feel like that for him, but I knew Madge did. I’m glad he finally realized it and gave it a chance.”

“But… you don’t seem happy.” He observes.

“It’s not about them.” I say. “I just, I’m almost twenty, and the only prospect in my future is joining the mine crews to help out at home. We do alright with Prim’s cheese, Mother’s healing, and my hunting for now, but once Prim graduates and marries, then things will get more difficult.”

The baker’s frown deepens, and I realize I’ve gone and run my mouth, worrying the only person that ever cared to lend a hand.

Is true we are better than most families in our neighborhood, The Seam, but that wasn’t true right after Daddy’s accident. The mines paid the equivalent of three months salary as termination when it was clear he wouldn’t be coming back to work. The money ran out despite all of our stretching and maneuvering. It got to the point only Prim and Daddy were eating, while mother and I went without, although mother never found out about I wasn’t eating, but saving my portions for Prim’s school lunches. The day we only had mint leaves broth for supper, I knew we were in big trouble. There was no money, Mother wasn’t tending patients because Daddy needed tending all day and night, and I decided to go sell whatever we had of value in the house.

When my plan to sell our old baby clothes failed, then I resorted to look through waste bins for any scrap of food. A teenaged Peeta Mellark found me digging through the bakery’s trash on a bitterly cold, rainy day that awful winter, and instead of chasing me away like his mama would’ve done, he gave me two loaves of the most delicious bread I’ve ever eaten. The loaves were full of nuts, raisins and grains, hearty and filling, and the first solid food we’ve had in three days.

I was so relieved to have some food, I hugged his waist and cried, but his mother finally caught on in what he’d done, and started screaming at him, berating him for being soft and gullible, giving away good bread to Seam rats; I was so scared of the old baker’s wife— it wasn’t for nothing her nickname was The Witch— I took off running with the warm bread under my shirt burning my skin, for fear the witch would take my precious food away. I faintly heard Mr. Peeta said he’d give bread away again if he ever saw a starving kid in need. I had the bad luck to turn back to see him once more before rounding a corner, right as his mother struck him across the face, screeching the most horrible things imaginable.

I didn’t stop running until I was safely home, with the bread pressed against my chest for dear life. Nobody asked me where the bread had come from, maybe too afraid to know the answer. It was Peeta Mellark’s gift that gave me the idea of foraging the woods. The next day I saw the young baker had a bruise under his eye, compliments of his witch of a mother. I was too horrified by it, I’ve never actually seen a parent hitting their own child for something that was actually good and generous, so it took me a long time to return to the bakery, but when I did, I had game to bargain with, and the smile on young Peeta’s face is something I’ll treasure forever.

“I’m not complaining about my lot in life—“

“You’re almost twenty, you said?” He asks, his voice unsure, his eyes searching.

I nod and the corner of his mouth twitches. “That’s good!” He says, his face turning crimson red. His hand goes back to scratch the back of his neck, and I start thinking it’s some sort of nervous reaction. I find it endearing, really. “I have to go back to mind my booth, but please, come find me when your father is ready to get down from up there, I want to help.”

I don’t get to accept or decline his offer, he walks quickly back to the line forming at his table, leaving me puzzled with our short interaction.

The rest of the night goes by, I do get to spend time with Gale and Madge, but since they keep making puppy eyes at each other, I leave them alone and go say hello to other people I know, mostly very loyal clients I’m on a first name basis with, like Rooba the butcher, Delly the cobbler, and Sae the street vendor that buys whatever meat I have no matter the critter, her stews are legendary, but nobody asks what’s in them.

Around eleven, my mother flags me down to let me know Daddy is feeling tired already, although he denies it vehemently. I round Prim up, who’s been dancing half the night with a different boy every time I see her. She doesn’t complain when I tell her is time to go, in fact she smiles gratefully. I guess she’s tired of the attention. We head back to the gazebo, and then I remember to go fetch Mr. Peeta, but his booth is already packed and closed for the night. The baker is nowhere to be seen, until I turn to the gazebo disappointed, just to see him already there, speaking to my parents.

“Hmm… I wonder what’s up with Daddy’s face?” Says Prim looking at our father.

She’s right, Daddy has a serious expression, the beginning of small frown tugging at his brow. Then his eyes find me in the crowd, asqe make our way to them, and then his features soften, a quizzical look takes his face. He looks back at the baker and gives a small nod. Mr. Peeta seems to breath in deeply, a big smile covers his face and he takes my father’s hand in an enthusiastic shake. In a moment, he lifts the chair with my father in it, and places it on the ground. Mother takes the handles and pushes it, so we meet on the outside of the square, ready to head home.

“So, Katniss, dear, Mama and I are heading home for the night, but Peeta here has offered to escort you and Prim back home by midnight.” My father’s voice is deep and scratchier than usual. He spares the baker a quick look, “He’s asked my permission to take you out for a dance, if you agree?” Daddy is looking at me now, his eyes knowing but soft.

My mouth hangs open, but nothing comes out, Prim loops her arm around mine and squeezes it to her side.

“She’d love to dance with Mr. Mellark, and I’ll sit with Hazelle and Posy Hawthorne until it’s time to head home.” Says Prim happily.

I nod, still too stunned to say anything. My eyes travel from my father’s to Mr. Peeta’s, not truly hiding my surprise until I notice how nervous the baker is, standing beside my parents.

“If that’s okay with you, of course. I wouldn’t dream of imposing—“

“Okay!” I gasp out.

Peeta Mellark’s relieves sigh matches perfectly how I feel inside. He smiles sweetly at me, then thanks my parents, offering his arm to me.

“May I say that you look absolutely breathtaking tonight?” He says after a few minutes dancing quietly.

“Oh… thank you.” I say shyly.

“Really!” He says beseechingly. “When I saw you walk in with your family… my heart stopped for a second. I couldn’t breathe right… heck, I still can’t breathe right. You are just stunning.”

I smile to my boots, too overcome to meet his eyes. “You look nice too.” I say, because he always looks nice, even covered and flour and frosting.

The fiddler up in the gazebo announces the last song of the night, “The Valley song, special request from Mr. Peeta Mellark. Enjoy!”

The soft notes of the mountain air come sweet and full as Mr. Peeta’s smile thins out.

“You know why I chose this song?” He asks me.

I shake my head.

“You used to sing it with your daddy when he brought you over for trades when you were a child, you used to wear your hair in two braids, instead of one back then. You remember?”

I nod, “I do. He has the loveliest voice.”

“So do you.” He says. “The birds stop to listen when you sing.” He smiles sadly, “You stopped when he got hurt. It pained me to know the world had lost two songbirds to the mines, one to injuries, the other to hunger.”

I tense in his arms, but he doesn’t stop holding me as he speaks.

“Then, one day, you came by and you were singing again, The Valley song. Your hair was in the single braid already, and you looked so grown. Your game bag was bursting with meat and greens and I knew you’d be alright. I felt happy. The song became synonymous of hope to me.

“And then, last year, you came to trade with me, and rolled your eyes at a joke I botched, most other women laugh even though is not funny. I loved that you found me corny, because that meant you weren’t like the other women, and it hit me, you’ve grown again, and you were magnificent!

“But Gale Hawthorne was standing a few paces behind you, and pulled on the end of your braid when you started walking back home before you shoved his hand away playfully. I thought it’d be a matter of time before I was making your wedding cake, and then I realized the thought made my chest tighten with sadness and jealousy, no matter if the groom was Gale or some other person.

“I felt like a pervert, because you were so young. The problem is that I felt invested in your survival when you were a kid, and then I couldn’t stop admiring your resourcefulness. Turns out I’m eight years older than you, I just feels like the gap is so much bigger when you’ve watched the person grow up before your eyes.

“I figured, next year you’ll be twenty, and age won’t matter as much when we’re in the same bracket, so I asked your father if it was alright to court you. He said that was up to you, but I could start by walking you home tonight, with Prim as chaperone”

I snort at that. Prim is possible the poorest choice in chaperone my father could’ve make. Knowing my sister, she’ll be picking out the names of her potential nieces and nephews by now, and she doesn’t even know this conversation is happening.

Peeta interrupts my musing then, “Maybe, if you find me worthy at all, I’ll be making your wedding cake a happy man this time around next year, because I will be your groom.” The uncertainty in his voice is painful. “I know that’s too far out in the future, but would you consider it?”

“Marrying you?” I ask astonished.

He scowls, and tries to dislodge from me, “Well… I understand if the idea is too—“

“Okay!” I rush breathlessly, clawing at his shirt sleeves to keep him in place.

“Okay?” He poses dazedly, “You’ll allow it then?”

I nod eagerly, “Yes, I’ll allow it. Court me, Mr. Mellark!”

He grins, “Please, call me Peeta.”

I smile at him, “Of course. That’ll be weird, calling you Mr. Mellark while we’re out on a date.”

Is his turn to smile widely. “I’m looking forward to that.”

“There’s just one thing… Peeta,” I say, and his face lights up when I use his proper name. “My birthday is in May, so maybe… we can cut short that year of courting?” I feel silly, and happy, and reckless all in one swoop.

His responding smile is blinding. “I think we can work with that. Will your folks be okay with it?”

I shrug, “They let you walk me home tonight, didn’t they? Is the first time they officially let a man walk me anywhere. And I know for ads t Daddy likes you. I like your chances.” I tell him, wondering where did all this cheekiness came from.

“Good!” He says with a shaky chuckle.

The song ends, and we collect Prim to go home. To her credit, Prim is being a very mature fifteen year old, and gives us the illusion of privacy by walking three steps ahead of us. When we reach our house, she goes right in after a quick “Good night” to Peeta, leaving us in the front stoop alone.

“Thank you for dancing with me tonight.” I say, “and for walking us home. I know is much too late for a baker to be out and about.”

“Oh, I’ll be alright. I’ll have my father come in if I need any help, but I think I can handle a long day. Spending time with you is worth it.”

Again, I smile shyly to my shoes, just noticing how comfortable they feel on my feet. I need to thank Mother for letting me wear them.

“I enjoyed spending time with you too, Peeta.”

He puts two fingers under my chin and tilt my face up, so our eyes meet.

“Could I come see you tomorrow evening?” He asks softly.

“That would be nice.”

“Katniss… there’s something else I would like to ask.” He swallows audibly.

I give him a questioning look before gesturing to go ahead.

“Would you allow me to… kiss you?”

“Yes,” I whisper nervously, excited.

He leans in slowly, his eyes searching mine the whole time, until our lips touch, and my lids close blissfully. The kiss is short and tender. Gale tried kissing me once, but I punched him in the jaw and he never tried again, but this?!

“Wow!” I breathe out. “I think I’m going to like kissing you, Peeta.” I say circling my arms around his neck.

He smiles broadly against my lips, “That’s good to hear. We’ll be madly in love with each other in no time, so it’s okay to kiss me anytime you feel like it, you know.”

I giggle. “Okay, then, come here!” I stand on tiptoes and kiss him again, long and curiously, until we hear my mother clearing her throat behind us.

The moment is embarrassing, sweet and funny, but the warmth I felt while kissing him stays with me all the way until the next day, when we steal a few kisses at the back door of the bakery when I stop there for our daily trade.

Indeed, I think we’re way on our way to madly in love already, and I couldn’t be any happier!

[crabstreet]

I’d kept hermit crabs for roughly a year and a half prior to discovering the CSJ site, and – like many others – assumed I’d been properly caring for them, negating the need to further research their requirements…or anything about them, really. One doesn’t exactly discover troves of books dedicated to hermit crabs the way one discovers the same in regards to dogs, cats, birds, or any of the other, more typical household pets. Subsequently, one simply decides that not much must be known about them (or that what is known is too boring and/or limited to bear repeating in guide after guide), and so one makes do with the information provided by pet store employees. While I don’t recall the exact thing that led to my first Google search about them, I do recall that it was diet-related, as I became interested in offering foods other than the pre-packaged pet store fare. During the course of this search, I came upon the CSJ site and decided to poke around. I was quickly struck not only by the quantity of information present, but also its quality. In addition to locating more than I ever bargained for, or could have imagined I’d find, regarding food options – and nutritional needs in general – I found information on so many other factors involved in the crabs’ care: Substrate. Tank size. Heating options. Molting. Illness. And……..science. A college professor by trade, I’m not one to be convinced of something, especially animal-care-related somethings, unless there is appropriate back-up research involved. I found such evidence throughout the CSJ site (man, those hermit crab books and pet store employees were way off…), and it convinced me that the folks in charge here must be awfully invested in correct hermit crab care. Why else would the site be so thorough? Contain information proven through included research? Contain an option for receiving assistance in the event of an emergency? Contain a marketplace, where select food items could be purchased for unbeatable prices? I was sold. And encouraged. I did a bit of additional, outside research, found information from trustworthy sources that corroborated CSJ’s, and set about making changes to my own crabs’ set-up. CSJ opened the door not only to new knowledge, but to the fact that such knowledge actually exists and is freely available. It also opened the door to a desire to learn more, and to maybe even mingle online with others like myself: crab owners dedicated to giving their crustaceous kiddos the best life possible.

Fast-forward to a year-plus later, and I’ve continued to make regular use of the CSJ site. I’ve also, as a result of joining its affiliated (LHCOS) group on Facebook, discovered not just folks I enjoy interacting with in a general sense; I’ve found new friends…a new tribe, if you will…some of whom I had the pleasure of meeting in-person at the first-ever CrabCon in July of 2019, an event that allowed this truly-introverted gal to come out of her shell (come on; you knew such a reference was imminent). It was a surreal experience that continues to sit strongly in my memory, and it offered additional options for camaraderie and a sense of community/belonging. But, I digress.

On September 22nd, 2019, I awoke to find one of my small crabs on top of the substrate, shell-less and missing all limbs with the exception of two walking legs, one of which was injured. He was a pathetic sight at best, and though I did not have high hopes for his survival (he had, I assume, been assaulted under the substrate while molting), I plopped him into an iso container with a few shells of appropriate size, as his was nowhere to be found. It took him a couple hours to choose one, and when he did, he picked a green turbo that was clearly too small. This concerned me, but I was more relieved that he was at least strong enough, and possessed enough of a will to survive, to put on some pants. I posted a photo of him in his sad state to my personal Facebook page, and – not surprisingly – my CSJ friends were quick to weigh in with support and suggestions. When it became readily-apparent after a day or two that the crab truly wanted to live (he was moving, eating, and drinking, although the latter two activities involved my being hands-on with him, as he was missing both claws), I began regularly communicating with various CSJ administrators and moderators. I’d never been in this situation with a crab before, and obviously I was interested in ensuring this one’s survival. I knew the basics for caring for an incapacitated, limbless crab – thanks to the CSJ site – but I desired more specific assistance, and the aforementioned admins and mods were not only quick to advise, but pleasant, genuinely-helpful, and personally-interested, and invested, in this little crab’s well-being. The ever-lovely and thoughtful Mary Akers even mailed a care package that included nutrient-dense food appropriate for a clawless, recuperating crab. This is the level of commitment these people demonstrate…not just for the crabs themselves (in a collective sense), but also for each other and for those of us in the LHCOS group who demonstrate a willingness to learn and to do right by our hermits and by each other, as friends. I was – and continue to be – blown away by the support, and kindnesses, shown.

As a result of these wonderful folks’ efforts, which guided my own, my incapacitated crab, who has since come to be named William Robert (‘William’ because of his will to live, and ‘Robert’ thanks to a former student-turned-friend who regularly checked in by asking how ‘Bob the Crab’ was doing), successfully molted into wholeness in the overnight hours of October 12th, 2019. Two days later – and only 20 days after I found him lying helpless, naked, and nearly limbless in his tank – he continues to harden. I imagine it’s only a matter of time before I discover him picking away at the remains of his ordeal, in the form of his old exoskeleton, with the brand-new claws that he regrew under the watchful eyes of his many CSJ/LHCOS friends and advocates. Much love, and many thanks, to you all.

Sherri Werdebaugh

(Scroll for a series of photos, from the day I found him to the day he molted. )

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William Robert out of his shell and missing all but two legs

William Robert, the hermit crab, clings to Sherri’s finger with his two remaining legs for a hand fed meal

William Robert eating well right from Sherri’s hand

William Robert looking good

William Robert has begun to grow all new limbs

William Robert has begun to grow all new limbs

William Robert’s new limbs are turning orange, signalling he is ready for his recovery molt.

William Robert has molted again and his new limbs are intact but a bit smaller than they should be. One more molt will bring them to full size.

      Sherri W. I’d kept hermit crabs for roughly a year and a half prior to discovering the CSJ site, and – like many others – assumed I’d been properly caring for them, negating the need to further research their requirements…or anything about them, really.

[kismetconstellations]

This post has been a long-time coming, and I apologize a million times over for any concern or distress I may have caused in delaying getting it out there. 

Since creating my Fanfiction.net account in May of 2009, and this Tumblr account in August of 2011, I have been, primarily, a member of the High School Musical fandom. The vast majority of my blog’s contents, including my first few posts, were images and gifs of High School Musical characters. This franchise, and, more specifically, two of its characters, have been a major part of not only my online presence, but my life, itself, for over a decade. Just last year, if you had asked me, I would have said that I saw myself sticking around and maintaining my place in this fandom, however small it is, for the long haul. 

But, if there is one constant in life that any of us can rely on, it’s that everything changes. 

I first began to seriously question my place in the High School Musical fandom back in 2016, when a certain fiasco pertaining to the first film’s televised ten year anniversary special, happened. The disgusting sense of immaturity and entitlement that lead to select individuals attacking the character of a troubled and real person over his absence at the reunion for a- let’s be honest, folks, subpar, at best- fictional Disney Channel Original Movie, had me feeling very much at odds with myself and the community claiming to love these films and the people involved with their creation. When these attacks escalated in vitriol and hostility, some people even taking to their Twitter accounts to call for this person’s death, thanks to an outright libelous article that maliciously twisted his words to make him seem ungrateful for the film that, in essence, launched his career, I found myself sickened to the core to have anything in common with people who would conduct themselves in such an outrageous manner. 

A real human being’s livelihood and well-being should never come in second place to a piece of fiction, however great of an impact this piece of fiction may have had on its audience. I firmly stand by this sentiment. 

Though very rattled by these incidents, I continued to create fanmade content for the High School Musical series and the characters and ship I love which hailed from it. At some point down the line, however, the joy and excitement I once derived from creating this content just... withered away. I would be too crippled by anxiety and my vast insecurities regarding my storytelling abilities to type a single sentence. I’d spend days, weeks, questioning my interpretations of these characters and their relationships, and relentlessly beating myself up in my mind for being “wrong” about everything. Seeking out other people’s fanmade content brought me no joy and only deepened my apprehension, because I was the only one actively creating content for my ship, and had been for years. 

Perhaps the timing was a factor. I was still reeling from the recent passing of my cat and best friend of nineteen years, as well as the untimely death of my pet turtle. Or, perhaps I am much too sensitive and thin-skinned to handle the backlash that comes with touting unpopular opinions, and people misinterpreting the intentions of my posts. In any case, the happiness, the magic, the spark, was gone for me. 

Then, in late January of this year, I saw The Greatest Showman in theaters. I left the cinema, that night, more ebullient than I had been in months. I fell in love with the film’s soundtrack, and, though I initially resisted, a historically inaccurate but wonderful ship involving the whimsical though morally ambiguous lead and his business partner. It was much to my pleasant surprise when I sought out the fandom for both this film, and the ship that won my heart, and found it to be an overwhelmingly positive place, teeming with love for the actors, the writers, the choreographers, any and every person who had a part to play in making this movie happen. My stories were getting a wholly unprecedented warm reception, gifs that I made were receiving note counts beyond anything I ever anticipated, and I no longer dreaded members of the fandom stopping by my inbox for a chat. 

So much of the healing process involves letting go of things that no longer bring you joy or fulfillment, that no longer encourage your growth, and instead weigh you down and leave you swamped, stifled, and lost at sea. 

I know it was jarring for many of you, but, after much hard and painful deliberation, I made the choice to change my URL after five years of being boltonevans and proudly wearing my affiliation with the HSM fandom and series on my sleeve for all to see. 

As much love as I still have, and will always have for Ryan Evans, Troy Bolton, and their beautiful, wholesome, healthy, and tragically under-appreciated relationship, and as much as I hate leaving a work I poured so much time, and love, and so much of myself into, I think it’s time to close the book on that chapter in my life. 

I will always hold great love in my heart for the High School Musical series for bringing so many wonderful, incredible people who wound up becoming so very precious to me, into my life. And, maybe, in the future, I might find myself returning to at least give After the dream the conclusion it deserves. But, for the time being, I think it’s for the best that I let this go.  

The HSM content will remain on my blog, and I will still accept and answer questions pertaining to the films and characters, but this is my quiet resignation from the fandom as a whole. 

Thank you to every single person who supported my work, and made me feel as though I was making a difference. If it weren’t for you guys, I never would have stuck it out as long as I did. I hope that, even if you don’t follow me into my new fandom, the trails you walk bring you joy, growth, and fulfillment. 

[theonyxpath]

Hope everybody had a great time reading this blog last week with guest blogger Mighty Matt McElroy. Big thanks to Matt for stepping in and posting!

A bunch of stuff has happened in these last two weeks that I haven’t had a chance to comments on, so I’m just going to go down the list and cover as much as I can from my own slightly warped viewpoint.

1- If you read this section before jumping right to the Project Progress section, which I know all insight-lovin’ folks do, then I’ll note that some things that moved forward last week are now, or still, in bold this week. I just wanted to get caught up myself on what was new or newish, and so I emphasized a few projects again rather than chance missing them.

    2- Last week, our Dragon-Blooded: What Fire Has Wrought Kickstarter campaign wrapped up and we were just wowed by how well the campaign ran! The enthusiasm of the backers and the awesome communication encouraged by our “Kickstarter Concierge” James Ring-a-Ding Bell, in-house dev Dixie Cochrane, and EX3 developers Robert Vance and Eric Minton really made for a fun and exciting KS!

Backer suggestions were mixed in liberally with the outline of plans concocted by the team, and we were able to pass over 30 Stretch Goals. The Dragon-Blooded Companion alone is going to be a big book of additional DB material that truly complements and adds to the main book. It’s a great perk with these KSs to be able to provide a really solid and useful set of additional projects that have turned the Dragon-Blooded book into a “mini-line”.

    Boggans illustration by Drew Tucker

      3- The big thing that went on all of last week and culminated on Saturday, was the launch of the pre-order for Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition from our friends, and licensing partners at White Wolf. It’s a helluva package of books and accessories, and as Mighty Matt noted last week, they are being distributed into stores by our other friends at Modiphius.

A few folks wrote to me expressing their concerns; everything from us losing the license, to how we were being ripped off by White Wolf. But really, not a whole lot of our gang here who follow Onyx Path, because, as you all know, none of this was out of line based on the info I and the rest of our team have been sharing with ya’ll along the way since the news of the WW purchase first hit our social media several years ago.

This makes me proud and glad; that we’ve been able to explain and illuminate the ins and outs of Onyx‘s license and what that means to both us, and the bigger picture of how we fit into the continued revival of the great WW game lines, to all of you these last couple of years. It’s not easy being as transparent as we strive to be in the midst of a sale from one company to another of the game lines you are licensed to create projects for.

And, in case anyone did miss where we are in all this: we still have the license to create WoD projects (and CofD and Exalted), whether for the 20th Anniversary lines or for 5th Edition WoD. We continue to work with the gang at WW to make these new projects work together with their bigger plans for the WW IPs across all media.

    Chopper illustration for Pan’s Guide by Brian Syme

      4- Another group of folks we are affiliated with is the Bodhana Group, the therapists and teachers that I’ve talked about before who use gaming as a way to help adults and kids. We’re proud to be able to help them with their efforts in a lot of ways, and this year they are having Eddy Webb as a guest at their Save Against Fear convention in central Pennsylvania. (Details about that in the Conventions section of the blog, below).

Let me pass on a request from them, if you have an interest in what they do or want to help generally: could you go onto their Facebook page and “like” the group? It would help them greatly in their efforts to be able to point there as an indicator of how many folks support them. And personally, my thanks to anyone who can pop on and “like” them. https://www.facebook.com/thebodhanagroup/

    Illustration by Michael Gaydos

5- Eddy is also part of our team of three “in-house developers” who are not only stepping up across the board and helping your favorite projects and gamelines get finished up and out to you, but all three of them – Eddy, Dixie Cochrane, and the always-delightful Matthew Dawkins – just posted their 2nd episode of the Onyx Pathcast podcast on Friday. This one features an interview with one of our favorite up-and-coming writer/developers Meghan Fitzgerald, who has been absolutely impressive not just with the quality of the work she can do, but with the range of game lines she can handle so very well.

It’s a good one, if only to hear Matthew offer up an emergency question to Eddy and Dixie for use if they get stuck (he was unable to actually interview Meghan himself), and for them to ask her the question right in the beginning. Boom! Check it out here: https://onyxpathcast.podbean.com/

    6- Finally, this Wednesday we are opening the Slarecian Vault: Scarred Land Community Content site on DTRPG.com, and you can access the content creation materials early, like right now, if you have ideas and want to get in on it ASAP, although nothing goes on sale until Wednesday.

This is the second of our Community Content sites, along with Canis Minor, the Realms of Pugmire CC site, and we’re pretty excited to put another one up. The Scarred Lands has a lot of folks from over a decade ago who have some excellent ideas from the games they’ve been playing, and we’d love to see those go up on the site. Yet, fear not true believers, this won’t be the last Community Content site we open; we have Scion and Trinity Continuum ones in the works!

This is, after all, the truth of Onyx Path: we have…

 Many Worlds, One Path!

    BLURBS!

KICKSTARTER:

Now that the massive Dragon-Blooded: What Fire Has Wrought Kickstarter campaign has triumphantly finished, we’re prepping for a puppy of a different color with Fetch Quest, the adventure card game set in the Realms of Pugmire!

  As we try and find ways to enable our community to more easily play our games, the Onyx Dice Rolling App is now live! Our dev team has been doing updates since we launched based on the excellent use-case comments by our community, and this thing is both rolling and rocking!

The devs have added a whole bunch of new game lines’ dice and rolling bg’s and got caught by a bug Apple needed to fix, so be sure to update your app and soon that should be fixed.

There’s been tweaks to all elements of the UI, you can now preview every die type in the store, and you can use multiple die types per roll! Here are the links for the Apple and Android versions:

http://theappstore.site/app/1296692067/onyx-dice

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.onyxpathpublishing.onyxdice&hl=en

Three different screenshots, above.

(The Solar Anima special Dice above)

  Promethean: The Created and Demon: The Descent dice on a Demon: The Descent tabletop

  Hunter: The Reckoning and Mage: The Awakening dice on a Mage: The Awakening tabletop

      ON AMAZON AND BARNES & NOBLE:

You can now read our fiction from the comfort and convenience of your Kindle (from Amazon) and Nook (from Barnes & Noble).

Our latest offering is the Mage 20 Cookbook, now in a convenient Kindle ebook version! https://www.amazon.com/Mage-Cookbook-World-Darkness-Enlightened-ebook/dp/B07C71BRDC/

Nook version is coming soon!

If you enjoy these or any other of our books, please help us by writing reviews on the site of the sales venue you bought it from. Reviews really, really help us with getting folks interested in our amazing fiction!

  Our initial selection includes these fiction anthologies:

Vampire: The Masquerade: The Endless Ages Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: Rites of Renown: When Will You Rage II (Kindle, Nook)

Mage: The Ascension: Truth Beyond Paradox (Kindle, Nook)

Chronicles of Darkness: The God-Machine Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Mummy: The Curse: Curse of the Blue Nile (Kindle, Nook)

Beast: The Primordial: The Primordial Feast Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

  And here are six more fiction books:

Vampire: The Masquerade: Of Predators and Prey: The Hunters Hunted II Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: The Poison Tree (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: Songs of the Sun and Moon: Tales of the Changing Breeds (Kindle, Nook)

Vampire: The Requiem: The Strix Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Forsaken: The Idigam Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Mage: The Awakening: The Fallen World Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

  Andand six more more:

Vampire: The Masquerade: The Beast Within Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: W20 Cookbook (Kindle, Nook)

Exalted: Tales from the Age of Sorrows (Kindle, Nook)

Chronicles of Darkness: Tales of the Dark Eras (Kindle, Nook)

Promethean: The Created: The Firestorm Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Demon: The Descent: Demon: Interface (Kindle, Nook)

  And even more books are now on Amazon and the Nook store!:

Scarred Lands: Death in the Walled Warren (Kindle, Nook)

V20 Dark Ages: Cainite Conspiracies (Kindle, Nook)

Chronicles of Darkness: Strangeness in the Proportion (Kindle, Nook)

Vampire: The Requiem: Silent Knife (Kindle, Nook)

Mummy: The Curse: Dawn of Heresies (Kindle, Nook)

And here are the Champions of the Scarred Lands fiction anthology and the Huntsmen Chronicles anthology for Changeling: The Lost 2nd Edition!

OUR SALES PARTNERS:

We’re working with Studio2 to get Pugmire out into stores, as well as to individuals through their online store. You can pick up the traditionally printed main book, the Screen, and the official Pugmire dice through our friends there!

https://studio2publishing.com/search?q=pugmire

    Looking for our Deluxe or Prestige Edition books? Try this link! http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Onyx-Path-Publishing/

Here’s the link to the press release we put out about how Onyx Path is now selling through Indie Press Revolution: http://theonyxpath.com/press-release-onyx-path-limited-editions-now-available-through-indie-press-revolution/

You can now order wave 2 of our Deluxe and Prestige print overrun books, including Deluxe Mage 20th Anniversary, and Deluxe V20 Dark Ages! And Screens…so many Screens!

And you can now order Pugmire: the book, the screen, and the dice! http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/manufacturers.php?manufacturerid=296

Wave 3 of our extra Kickstarter projects is now on sale at IPR!

Here are the direct links for the Chronicles of Darkness: Dark Eras Prestige Edition: http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Chronicles-of-Darkness-Dark-Eras-Prestige-Edition.html

Chronicles of Darkness: Dark Eras Storytellers’ Screen: http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Chronicles-of-Darkness-Dark-Eras-Storytellers-Screen.html

Deluxe Exalted 3rd Edition: http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Exalted-3rd-Edition-Deluxe-Edition.html

Ultra-Deluxe (Orichalcum) Exalted 3rd Edition: http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Exalted-3rd-Edition-Ultra-Deluxe.html

Exalted 3rd Edition Storytellers’ Screen: http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Exalted-3rd-Edition-Storytellers-Screen.html

EX3 Chibi Bookmarks: http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Exalted-3rd-Edition-Chibi-Bookmarks.html

Deluxe W20 Shattered Dreams: http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/W20-Shattered-Dreams-Deluxe-Edition.html

W20 Shattered Dreams Storytellers’ Screen: http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/W20-Shattered-Dreams-Storytellers-Screen.html

Plus price adjustments on M20, Book of the Wyrm, Anarchs Unbound and a few other projects!

    DRIVETHRURPG.COM:

  To celebrate the opening of the Slarecian Vault for Scarred Lands, we’re going to put four Scarred Lands posters on sale Wednesday via DTRPG.com. These 12″ x 18″ posters feature both clasic SL covers with Hollowfaust and the Blood Sea, and new images from the new book, like the SL PG cover wrack-dragon, and a hearty band of adventures well met and ready to divvy up their magical treasure.

      Ask the darkness, and it shall answer: the Beast: The Primordial Player’s Guide PDF and physical book PoD versions will answer your questions now on DTRPG.com! http://drivethrurpg.com/product/236135/Beast-Players-Guide

The Beast Player’s Guide expands on the material presented in Beast: The Primordial, with additional information on the Families and Hungers, what it feels like to be a Beast and experience the Devouring, and how to commune with the Dark Mother. You’ll also find two new Families and two new Hungers!

The book also includes a plethora of new Atavisms, Nightmares, Merits, and Birthrights, as well as systems for creating smaller, subservient versions of the Horror, new forms of Inheritance, and details on the mysterious Obcasus Rites.

        There are some things that even a Demon fears – Night Horrors: Enemy Action for Demon: The Descent has arrived in PDF and physical book PoD versions: http://drivethrurpg.com/product/236133/Night-Horrors-Enemy-Action

“Fighting the Machine is like fighting the ocean. You literally cannot hurt it. Doesn’t matter how much poison we dump into the ocean. We’ll only kill the things in it. We’ll never kill it. Same with the God-Machine. Kill angels, traitors, stigmatics, cultists, cryptids, whatever, you’ll never hurt the Machine Itself. No, that doesn’t mean we stop trying. You stop trying, you drown. Screw that.”

—Mr. Bliss, Guardian Inquisitor

Night Horrors: Enemy Action includes:

• Dozens of Storyteller characters, including Unchained, angels, exiles, cryptids, and stigmatics, for use as antagonists, allies, or just inspiration

• Multiple plot hooks and story seeds for your Demon: The Descent chronicles

• A brief look at cults in Demon, including the Ten Thousand Names of God, a secret society fueled by the God-Machine

      When you need a Changeling 20th character and a way to get started with C20: here are the C20 Ready Made Characters in PDF and physical book PoD versions! Available on DriveThruRPG.com! http://drivethrurpg.com/product/225641/C20-Ready-Made-Characters

Running a one-shot game of Changeling: The Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition? Starting up a chronicle with new players who aren’t sure what to play? Looking for some examples of how the various kiths might look?

Thanks to our generous Kickstarter backers, these thirteen ready-made characters cover each of the Changeling kiths. Each character is provided with background, roleplaying suggestions, art, and some potential motleys and story seeds — everything you need to immerse yourself in the Dreaming!

        Coming NOW as both PDF and physical book PoD on DTRPG, we reveal The Secret of Vinsen’s Tomb, a Jumpstart adventure for Pugmire. www.drivethrurpg.com/product/232337/The-Secrets-of-Vinsens-Tomb–A-Pugmire-Jumpstart

A cat living in Pugmire disappears, but neither the police dogs nor the cats of the Cat Quarter know why. When zombies attack the heroes, however, all signs point to an invasion by the Monarchies of Mau. But how does this intrigue tie into the lost tomb of the first king of Pugmire?

The Secret of Vinsen’s Tomb is a Pugmire story for three to six characters. This jumpstart contains all the rules and characters you need to play — just grab some dice and go! You can also use this adventure with the full version of Pugmire.

The Secret of Vinsen’s Tomb contains:

• An evocative and mysterious setting that’s both family friendly and deep enough to create compelling stories.

• A summary of Pugmire’s traditional fantasy rules system. It’s designed for streamlined play, with an emphasis on cooperation and action over competition and violence.

• A complete adventure for a Guide to run for three to six players. Also useful for Guides running a full Pugmire game of first or second level characters!

• Six ready-to-play characters, so you can jump into the action.

Can your good dogs discover the secret of Vinsen’s Tomb?

  Also available NOW, are two physical PoD spell card packs and PDFs for Pugmire: the Artisans‘ and the Shepherds‘ spells.

        Appearing now on DriveThruRPG are the PDF and PoD physical book versions of Arms of the Chosen for Exalted 3rd Edition! http://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/226224/Arms-of-the-Chosen

Take up the panoply of legendary heroes and lost ages, and awaken the world-shaking might of their Evocations. Before the dawn of time, the Exalted wielded god-metal blades to cast down the makers of the universe. In an ancient epoch of forgotten glories, Creation’s greatest artificers forged unimaginable wonders and miracle-machines.

Now, in the Age of Sorrows, kingdoms go to war over potent artifacts, scavenger princes risk everything to uncover relics of the past, and the Exalted forge great arms and armor on the anvil of legend. These treasures are yours to master.

Discover the mystical power of the five magical materials and the secrets of creating your own Evocations. Wield weapons of fabled might and don the armor of mythic heroes, making their puissance your own. Claim Creation’s wonders: the miraculous tools of the Chosen, living automatons, flying machines, hearthstones, and more. And unleash the mighty warstriders, titanic god-engines of conquest and devastation, to once more shake Creation with their footfalls.

      CONVENTIONS!

Matthew Dawkins, Steffie de Vaan, and Mighty Matt McElroy will be at the UK Games Expo in June running games and talking shop with fans and retailers.

Prep is also underway for Gen Con 2018 in August, which takes place in Indianapolis, IN. In addition to our booth presence, be sure to check out the games and panels in the Gen Con Event Schedule.

From Fast Eddy Webb, we have these:

Eddy will be speaking at Broadleaf Writers Conference (September 22-23) in Decatur, GA. He’ll be there to talk about writing for interactive fiction, and hanging out with other writers who have far more illustrious careers. http://broadleafwriters.com/3rd-annual-broadleaf-writers-conference/3rd-annual-broadleaf-writers-conference-speakers/

Eddy will also be a featured guest at Save Against Fear (October 12-14) in Harrisburg, PA. He’ll be running some Pugmire games, be available for autographs, and will sometimes accept free drinks. http://www.thebodhanagroup.org/about-the-convention

If you are going and want to meet up, let us know!

  And now, the new project status updates!

DEVELOPMENT STATUS FROM FAST EDDY WEBB (projects in bold have changed status since last week):

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep)

M20 Book of the Fallen (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

C20 Novel (Jackie Cassada) (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

M20 The Technocracy Reloaded (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

M20 Victorian Mage (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Spilled Blood (Vampire: The Requiem 2nd Edition)

CofD Dark Eras 2 (Chronicles of Darkness)

Night Horrors: Shunned by the Moon (Werewolf: The Forsaken 2nd Edition)

C20 Players’ Guide (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

Wr20 Book of Oblivion (Wraith: The Oblivion 20th Anniversary Edition)

Aeon Aexpansion (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

In Media Res (Trinity Continuum: Core)

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant core (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Lunars: Fangs at the Gate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

  Redlines

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

Dystopia Rising: Evolution (Dystopia Rising: Evolution)

  Second Draft

WoD Ghost Hunters (World of Darkness)

Tales of Good Dogs – Pugmire Fiction Anthology (Pugmire)

Guide to the Night (Vampire: The Requiem 2nd Edition)

CofD Contagion Chronicle (Chronicles of Darkness)

  Development

Signs of Sorcery (Mage: the Awakening Second Edition)

Hunter: the Vigil 2e core (Hunter: the Vigil 2nd Edition)

Fetch Quest (Pugmire)

They Came From Beneath the Sea! Rulebook (TCFBtS!)

  WW Manuscript Approval:

Night Horrors: The Tormented (Promethean: The Created 2nd Edition)

M20 Gods and Monsters (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

  Editing:

GtS Geist 2e core (Geist: the Sin-Eaters Second Edition)

  Post-Editing Development:

Changeling: the Lost 2nd Edition, featuring the Huntsmen Chronicle (Changeling: the Lost 2nd Edition)

Scion: Hero (Scion 2nd Edition)

Trinity Continuum Core Rulebook (The Trinity Continuum)

Trinity Continuum: Aeon Rulebook (The Trinity Continuum)

Ex Novel 2 (Aaron Rosenberg) (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Exalted 3rd Novel by Matt Forbeck (Exalted 3rd Edition)

  Indexing:

    ART DIRECTION FROM MIRTHFUL MIKE:

In Art Direction

Ex3 Monthly Stuff

Scion Hero

Trinity Continuum – Got notes and text for both Aeon and the Core.

Wr20 Guide for Newly Departed – Everything with Gaydos.

Geist 2e

The Realm

  Marketing Stuff

  In Layout

Wraith 20 Screen – I’ll pull this together while doing errata. I got the list from Dansky of what tables to pull… just want to make sure they are right.

Fetch Quest – Working on the logo.

EX3 Dragon Blooded

Monarchies of Mau – Layout is firmed up to Chapter Two… aka the seven hour soul breaker. Rest should go quick

Changeling: the Lost 2 – With Josh.

  Proofing

Cavaliers of Mars – Splats and map should be in by end of the month.

Scion Origin – Inputting Neall’s first round of corrections.

Boggans – Yep. That happened.

  At Press

Beckett Screen – At shipper.

Scarred Land PGs & Wise and the Wicked PF & 5e – At fulfillment shipper. PDF and PoD physical book versions on sale at DTRPG.

Prince’s Gambit – Being sent to the US, expected at fulfillment shipper this week.

V20 Beckett’s Jyhad Diary– Deluxe edition printing now.

Scion Dice – At fulfillment shipper.

Wraith 20 – Errata being input.

SL Champions of the Scarred Lands Anthology PoD – Re-uploaded and processing.

Pugmire – Pan’s Explorer’s Guide (or whatever) – Prepping PoD files.

Book of Freeholds – PoD processing.

  TODAY’S REASON TO CELEBRATE: Tomorrow is MAY DAY! Let’s hear it for Flora, and the onset of greenery and flowers (at least in this part of the world). If you are in the UK, you might espy Matthew Dawkins holding onto a ribbon and dancing around the maypole or watching Morris dancing in a small local village while a particularly sinister minister looks on.

[cursemcrked]

Hey there, and thanks for taking a second to browse through these!  I was going to make a special page for it, but every time I do, I end up hating the theme and changing it fifty billion times, so I’m giving this a shot!  Anyway, this might seem like a lot as far as ‘rules’ are concerned, but most of it is just outlining what to expect on this blog so there won’t be any (potentially unpleasant) surprises later on.

So, most important is credit!  This part will be updated as I change things around on the blog:  The image used in my avatar is ‘Jashin’s Apostle’ by the incredibly-talented Roggles.

This is an independent, semi-selective roleplaying blog.  Probably should throw canon-divergent in there, too, as it’s bound to happen somewhere down the line.  The only reason I’m saying ‘selective’ at all is because I’m a person who is overwhelmed very easily with replies (I’ll explain why in a minute here), so I’d like to limit my interactions to something manageable.  Just because I turn down an interaction does not mean that a) I don’t want to write with you, b) I will never want to write with you, c) I don’t like you or your character, or d) I’m shutting down any interaction we might have.  Even if I say ‘hey, i’m not looking for more threads at the moment’, that does not mean we can’t plot something out for when I’m not so swamped, or that we can’t scream about our muses together, or just chat out of character for a while.  I’m just temporarily turning down another thread, I’m not turning you down.

This blog is going to contain a lot of…let’s call it questionable material, given the nature of Hidan. In the interest of staying true to his character, I will not shy away from this stuff, meaning there will be a lot of blood, violence, gore, and the like.  It will, however, be tagged to hell and back, and if I’m threading with someone who is uncomfortable writing out all of that stuff, I will be happy to discuss the outcome with said partner (because continuity is an awesome thing, in my opinion) and do a fade to black.  

Hidan will not kill your character unless I have your explicit permission.  I will draw the line at serious wounds (again, with your permission).

The only topics I will never approach, as I find them just…ick:  incest, pedophilia, rape.  This list will probably grow as I think of things/am approached for topics.

OCs are welcomed with open arms on this blog, as are crossovers and AUs.  Doesn’t matter if I’m familiar with the fandom or not, whether they have a fandom or not (in the case of ocs).  Give them to me, please and thank.

I’m going to be slow.  Like, herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter slow.  I work a lot, run another roleplay blog, and have IRL stuff going on quite a bit (which sucks, but you know).  Patience is greatly appreciated.  A nudge after a few days is a-okay, even encouraged, since I’m pretty scatterbrained 99.99% of the time; multiple nudges over the span of like, two days?  Eh, not so much.  I don’t think anybody appreciates that. It’s also worth noting that, if you write a thing for me (be it a starter, an ask, a drabble, etc.) and I don’t give it a like, I haven’t seen it, so please please please nudge me and let me know it’s there!  I don’t want anybody thinking I’m ignoring them or something.  

I am not my muse.  And – you know what, I’m gonna say it again, since I’ve had issues with this in the past:   I am not my muse.  Hidan is an asshole.  He’s going to be rude, obnoxious, foul-mouthed, and just generally disrespectful, because that’s….just him.  His feelings on something (another muse, a situation, a particular topic, whatever) do not always mirror mine.  If you’re ever wondering about my personal stance on anything, feel free to ask me, as I have no problem sharing, but please do not assume that he and I are going to agree on everything.

Shipping:  Since lots of folks love this particular topic, I gotta make sure it’s covered.  I love to ship as much as the next person, but only if the chemistry is there between our muses!  Hidan is going to be…a pain in the ass to get close to, honestly, but I’m not going to say it won’t ever happen.   But, please don’t force ships.  Kills the thread, kills the mood, kills the muse.  Not a good thing.

I’m not exclusive, but I will be ship exclusive.  Like, say, I’ve got a ship going with character A, and another version of character A comes along.  I will gladly write with that second version, but any discussion of a potential ship will be shut right down, as I’ve already got it with the first.

I am of age (21+), as is my muse, and there will undoubtedly by NSFW material appearing on this blog.  Most of it will be contained to writing, with the occasional image thrown in, and it will be tagged (regardless of what form it may take), with a general nsfw //, (subject) //, and (subject) cw..  Pretty obsessive when it comes to tagging, as I really don’t want my followers blasted with stuff they don’t want to see.  Also, if there’s anything specific you need tagged, let me know!  I’ll be more than happy to do it for you.

Unless it's part of a thread, dirty NSFW stuff will mostly show up on Sunday (Sinday) only. Again, all will be tagged.

It should be a given, but since it’s apparently not:  I will happily write with anyone and everyone, but NSFW stuff will NOT be written with folks under the age of 18.  And please, please do not lie about your age.  It’s rude and could potentially get people in trouble, so…yeah.  Please don’t.

I like using small text, with an icon or two thrown in, and most of the time, my replies will end up on the longer side.  In no way do I expect my partners to match me; length, style, whatever.  Doesn’t matter.  As long as I have something to work with, we’re good.  And, if you need me to use normal text for our threads, just let me know!  I’ll be glad to do so.

OOC communication will be kept between the other mun and myself.  If you send me an ask out of character regarding some matter between us, it will be answered privately unless it’s for a meme I reblogged or you specifically ask me to post it.  OOC discussions are strictly between you and I, not us and the rest of the dashboard.

Memes, I frickin’ love memes.  Rarely will a day go by that I don’t reblog one of some kind, and these are, of course, for everybody.  If you’re feeling one of them, send it in!  Memes are great ice-breakers, so I welcome any and all.  I don’t do reblog karma, either.  If you want to send the thing, send the thing.  If you like the meme, want to reblog it, and don’t feel like sending the thing, reblog away and don’t send the thing.  It’s all good!  Sometimes those things just don’t work, and that’s a-okay by me.  I’m not going to try and guilt you into sending me stuff.

Constructive criticism is good and highly encouraged.  I’m always looking to improve on stuff, so thoughts and opinions are always welcome.  Hate, on the other hand, is not.  Hate will be laughed at, deleted, and the sender will be blocked.  If someone cannot conduct themselves like a decent human being, they’re not worth anyone’s time.  So – yeah, just don’t.  Might sound a little harsh, but in my time roleplaying on Tumblr I have seen so much hate thrown around the dash, and I’m absolutely fed up with it.

Minor godmodding is alright.  Like, if you’re writing a starter or answering a meme thing that I sent you, and you need my muse doing/saying something specific, then go ahead and write it in that they did the thing!  If we’re threading and yours asks something minor of mine (’pass that to me, would you?’), it’s okay to assume it was done!  So long as it doesn’t go further than that, it’s perfectly fine.

While I may not send in passwords, phrases, or whatever people are using now, I read everyone’s rule page – no exceptions.  So, rest assured, if you see my URL in your followers list, your rules have been read.  And I’ll probably read them again when we start interacting, just so I make sure I don’t miss anything.

My followers are welcome to hit me up on other platforms; Skype, Discord, Steam, and so forth.  Just lemme know which one you want, if you do at all, and I’ll be happy to give you my handle(s).

And that…should cover the important points.  I’ll update this as situations arise, or I remember stuff.  In the meantime, though, I want to thank you again for reading through these, and I’m looking forward to meeting and writing with you all!

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

It's time to reclaim singledom as a symbol of power

"Are you swiping?" my best friend asks me over breakfast one morning. I gulp down a spoonful of woefully bland porridge and think for a moment about how to reply. 

The answer was no, I wasn't swiping. But in saying so, I was met with a bewildered expression. I'm reluctant to swipe these days, or just to date in general, due to a long, troubling pattern of power imbalances that have occurred in every single relationship I've had since I started dating when I was 15. 

Now, at age 30, my status as the perennial singleton is firmly established after taking countless protracted hiatuses from dating. Not because I don't like the idea of being in a couple, but rather because I find dating really hard. Let's be real, it's a truth universally acknowledged that dating is plain sailing for literally no one. But, as a woman who dates men, I've found that every breed of relationship I've ever had — from casual sex to long-term relationships — has felt completely antithetical to the vision of equality I've envisaged for my own life. The lack of agency I feel in my love life made me want to remain single just so I could cling on to any semblance of control. So, in order to avoid feeling disempowered, I have periodically opted out of dating.

It strikes me as odd that even in 2019 — in this new wave of the women's movement — my lack of a partner renders me something of an anomaly, an outlier among my friends and family. For decades, we've been trying to rebrand the trope of the single woman from sad lonely spinster to something more reflective of reality: an independent, discerning woman who is resistant to the pressures of the patriarchal social values we've inherited. But, is this rebrand even working? Because, from where I'm standing, the very same pressures Bridget Jones and Carrie Bradshaw were up against in the '90s and '00s feel just as prevalent today.

At every single step of dating and in every genre of relationship, I come face to face with power disparities and micro-aggressions that are tinged with misogyny. During my last serious relationship, my boyfriend hurled gendered insults — "bitch," "crazy," "insane" — at me when I tried to assert myself or express that I wasn't happy about something. He would openly objectify my female friends, appraising their physical attractiveness with nominal values. I dumped him and vowed to be more discerning about the next man I called my boyfriend. The next person I dated rolled his eyes when I spoke and replied "come on, Rachel" when I asked questions about subjects I didn't know much about. The realm of online dating brings other headaches, like being pressured by matches to send nudes, receiving unsolicited dick pics, and harassment, and verbal abuse if I take too long to reply to messages or don't want a second date. 

In my sexual experiences with men, a marked power imbalance has left me feeling vulnerable and, at times, traumatised. When I look back on past encounters through a post-#MeToo lens, I can see that a troubling proportion of my sexual experiences fell into what I'd characterise as "grey areas"— sex that's non-criminal, but can feel violating. I experienced coercion, pain, and violence during sex that caused me trauma. During one experience, I asked the guy I was having sex with to stop because I had changed my mind. He proceeded to shout at me and yell insults until my housemate  intervened and helped remove him from our house.

Perhaps it's me, perhaps I'm picking the wrong men, I've told myself countless times. In an attempt to address those concerns, I have re-calibrated the choices I've made in selecting a partner. A few years ago, I vowed to only date men who identified as feminists, but in venturing down this path, I encountered a slew of other hurdles, principally so-called performative wokeness. This term, which has recently entered the popular lexicon, refers to people who publicly claim to care about social justice, they identify as allies to women, people of colour, LGBTQ people, and people with disabilities. In some of my liaisons with men who identified as feminists, their behaviour during our relationship ultimately did not match the values they purported to hold. Behind closed doors, there'd be micro-aggressions like gaslighting and subtle ways of patronising me that made me question my own intellect. 

SEE ALSO: Stop telling women how they should talk

In reality, it's far more complex than simply the choices I make about the type of guys I go for. Humorist and author Blythe Roberson, author of How To Date Men When You Hate Men, says dating is hard for everyone, but "dating as a straight woman is complicated by the fact that the gender you're attracted to has vast systemic power over you." 

"This can manifest in large ways, but also in more insidious ways I used to brush off: men saying they could never be in a relationship with someone more successful than they are, or men treating me as frivolous for thinking and writing about dating at all," says Roberson. 

My experiences are, of course, not representative of all men. Nor do they represent the experiences of all women. Trans women who date men face a different set of challenges when dating, chief of which is being sexualised but not respected. 

Paris Lees, British Vogue columnist and trans awareness campaigner, says there are some men who are happy to have sex with trans women, but feel shame about dating trans women in a serious capacity. "It's really interesting when you tell guys that you're trans because immediately it's like, 'Oh we don't have to treat you with as much respect now.' Not all of them, but a lot of guys, they think 'Oh, this is the one I'm gonna fuck, but I'm not gonna take home to meet mum and dad.'" 

She believes the conversations surrounding whether or not trans women are "real women" have heightened misogyny for trans women. "At the height of the 'are trans women real women' debate in the British media about a year ago, I was actually dealing with bullshit from a man and I just remember thinking, 'This is bullshit,'" says Lees. "Seriously, these people are telling me I'm not a real woman, and I'm out here getting all the misogyny." 

Indiana Seresin, an academic specialising in feminist and queer theory, says she believes that "heterosexual dating is often just tiring for women." 

"Dealing with issues like men's entitlement, the unequal division of physical and emotional labour, and men's ignorance about women's sexuality is exhausting," Seresin tells me. "As a queer woman I can confidently say that we don't face a lot of these issues, thank God. On the other hand, there are still cultural norms that we've regrettably inherited from heterosexuality, one of which is the couple form itself."

Rebranding the trope of the single woman 

The hegemony of the couple form is something we, as a society, are struggling to shed. And it's standing in the way of our perceptions of what it means to opt out of traditional dating structures, like not participating in dating. When we look back on the pop culture poster girls for singledom — Jane Eyre, Elizabeth Bennett, Carrie Bradshaw, Bridget Jones, Kat Stratford — all their stories end happily with them finding Mr. Right. The story ends with these shrewish bluestockings finding a cure for their ailment — and that cure is a man. Not only do I not want to take this medicine, I know for a fact I'm not ill. 

This notion of single women needing to be fixed is one that frustrates sex and wellness writer Maria Del Russo. "I feel like there's still this idea among women that 'single' is a negative state of being instead of just another label for society to slap on you," Del Russo tells me. "When a woman is single, there's something wrong with her, and she needs to fix it. There's this idea that single folks need fixing, and it's pretty messed up."

Not only do we think of single women as broken and waiting to be fixed, there's also the stereotype of the 'sad single gal' (think Bridget Jones in her PJs singing Céline Dion's "All By Myself" on her sofa). 

Roberson says there's "definitely a trope of sad single girls or frustrated single girls" — a label she feels has been applied to her. "I think a lot of people conflate my book title and my relationship status with me being, like, an incel," says Roberson with a laugh. 

Don't villainise women who don't date

Dating shouldn't be considered a compulsory module in the curriculum of life. Roberson says women's "increased access to education, jobs, birth control, abortion, and divorce means women don't have to structure their lives around men." 

"So, if women have more financial choice, trying to shame women for making the choice to be single is another way that patriarchy tries to control them," she says.

This shaming can manifest itself in what Seresin calls "faux-concern" — something that many single people might be familiar with. Think about the moments people have cocked their heads to one side and said, "oh you'll find someone" or "he's out there" when you tell them you're single. 

"Women who opt out of dating will be villainised by the broader culture (even if that comes in the form of faux-concern)," says Seresin. "I think the important thing is to see that villainisation itself as proof that you are doing something radical."

"Our society is still terrified by women who realise they don't need heterosexual partnership," she says. "But this is actually a major trope in early science fiction. Lots of this literature features worlds that have developed technology to reproduce without men and realise men suddenly have literally nothing to add to that society." 

When a woman says she's happily single, believe her 

In the same way that childless women are stigmatised, we're also socially conditioned to think that single women are tragic figures deserving sympathy, not admiration. In some cases, that social conditioning makes us disbelieve our own happiness when we're single. Lees says she feels very conflicted about how her views on other single women tally up with her own experience of singledom.

"Deep down at the back of my mind if I'm completely honest with you, I never really believed people that they're happily single," says Lees. "I have been single for the past year and honestly I am so happy. It's like I couldn't believe the evidence of my own life?" 

Lees even found herself thinking that she was only telling herself she was happy to make herself feel better. But, over Christmas she did some stocktaking of her life and thought to herself: "No, maybe you are happy, Paris." 

Question who society prizes as icons of singledom 

In our pop culture celebrations of singleness, we need to think about how race also intersects with those we herald as the forerunners of the single-by-choice movement. "There's everyone going crazy over Rihanna saying she isn't looking for a man, or that video of Eartha Kitt laughing at the idea of compromising for a man," says Seresin. "They are both amazing statements that I totally agree with, but I think we need to be aware of how our culture frames black women as patron saints of singleness, because black women have always been excluded from mainstream narratives of romantic coupledom." 

"In romantic comedies, for example, there is the role of the single, 'sassy' black best friend of the white woman who gets the man. By having Rihanna and Eartha Kitt be the major voices of refusing heterosexual coupledom, we are forcing them to play that role in the culture at large," says Seresin. 

Throughout history the single black woman has been vilified. In the 1960s, the Moynihan Report — a report on black families authored during U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson's administration — essentially blamed black women for the demise of the traditional family structure. In 1976 and 1980, Ronald Reagan stirred up racist rhetoric by using the term "welfare queens" — a label historically applied to single black women — as a cautionary tale against people defrauding the welfare system. As our culture slowly re-calibrates its position on the palatability of single women, it's important to recognise the cultural legacy of scapegoating the single black woman.  

See relationships as a side order, not a main course

It's hard not to think about dating and relationships when they're such a ubiquitous theme in mainstream culture. Love is on our TV screens, on the pages of the books we read, in our Instagram feeds, and in the conversations we have with friends. We might not be able to do much about the wider cultural fixation on love, but one thing we can try to change is how we, as individuals, prioritise relationships. 

Del Russo, the sex and wellness writer, says that "until the culture as a whole changes, and stops selling us this package of relationships as a goal to clear, people need to start changing their own perceptions." 

"I've started to think of a relationship the same way I think about a scented candle. (Stay with me.) Is it a nice thing that makes the space a little nicer? Sure. But is the space still a complete space without this scented candle? Absolutely," she says. 

In order to start trying to change our perceptions about the importance of relationships, Del Russo advocates posing yourself two questions: "Why do I want to be in a relationship? What do I think a relationship could give me that I couldn't give myself?" 

The weight of society's trepidation should never have to fall on just one woman's shoulders. And, as Seresin says, "no woman can change these things on her own — you can't be a one-woman revolution." 

What we, as individuals can do, is interrogate our preconceived notions about dating. Like the idea that single women can't possibly be happy on their own. Or that even our most iconic single leading ladies eventually will succumb to love in the end. 

Love or no love, I know I'm already complete and that's all that matters to me. 

WATCH: Here are the top five moments where women stole the show at this year’s GRAMMYs

[spicynbachili2]

The Epic Journey of Floor Kids, Available Now on Xbox One

It’s been fairly the journey, and now it’s time for Flooring Children to launch on Xbox One. And to mark this event I wished to jot down a private observe about this wonderful expertise and everybody I started working with and study from.

I’m JonJon, the animator and creator of the eight authentic characters within the recreation. To me, these characters signify me and my buddies from a time when this world was my complete life. However they’ll additionally simply signify your self and your folks on this present period, or from an period way back. These characters shout out to the legends of the break scene that created all these actions as a part of a wealthy and storied tradition. The Flooring Children characters can come off as common children, but additionally possess the energy and stamina of tremendous hero dance warriors of a cool animated world.

So, I need to share what I loved most about this mission and the individuals I’ve been collaborating with:

Ryhna Thompson

Our lead producer. The glue. She stood up for Flooring Children as a model, from the inception, and at each flip, and guarded our potential to go far. We had been capable of keep assured in ourselves, and affected person, and saved Flooring Children as an artist-driven mission for a lot of, a few years. She’s been the glue and stabilizing power on the staff. For one thing like a brilliant long-term mission like ours, even courting again to the primary animated promo clip from over 10 years in the past, retaining regular isn’t any straightforward job.

Mike Wozniewski

Chief of Hololabs. My favourite half was watching him join the sprites of my b-boy drawings manually, body by body, and getting concerned within the determination making of what inputs can be wanted at each department within the animation system. As a result of in our philosophy, we opted to not have a generic transition system that makes use of an idle state or idle animation, as a result of in breaking, that’s unhealthy. True to the character of this dance, I wished to animate every transition uniquely between every transfer, between every step. As a result of that’s how it’s in actual life.

It was enjoyable to see him actually attempt to wrap his thoughts round break dance logic, which is huge and complicated, and perceive the physique physics happening in every drawing, and determining programmable fashions and playback methods to explain attributes like momentum, move, acceleration and sluggish movement strobing. Collectively we broke issues down into classes that made sense to each the break logic and the coder logic. Packages and methods love to do issues the identical method each time. B-boys and B-girls need to do issues otherwise each time.

Inherent on this, is a superb problem. program a recreation that represents an artform that’s steeped in creativity, and originality. Seeing him ask questions like, “Can this body cease?” Or, “Does this motion go constantly?” “Is that this reversible or not reversible?” It was a factor of magic to see it progressively take type. There have been so many enjoyable checks and prototypes that we did, to see what controls would work and be enjoyable. I’m pleased with what we completed collectively.

Phil Rostaing

Our recreation designer for issues like unlocking, development, and determining a factors system. He tackled the massive problem of scoring. The problem was that video games must current a transparent objective. However in our case, there are a number of objectives, and also you get to decide on which of them to deal with at any time. There’s freedom and talent required. He designed a implausible and in-depth scoring system based mostly off the actual worldwide five-point judging commonplace for break competitions.

The true-life system has 5 methods to concentrate to and we flipped it for our recreation to make it Funk, Taste, Circulation, Hearth, and Flyness. Every factors system is straightforward sufficient to select up by itself however factoring all of them collectively requires mastery. I additionally traveled rather a lot with Phil to the sport conventions. He was all the time down for highway journeys in a rental automobile, throwing the gear within the again seat. Spreading the sport at each growth stage to every new individual one after the other.

JoDee Allen

Our recreation designer for controls and rhythm. She tackled the controls initially slated for contact after which tailored for buttons and joysticks. Her controls had been all the time tied to rhythm but additionally incorporating directionality. Discovering the metaphors between the finger actions and the animation on display screen. She was additionally a b-girl beneath the identify of Feisty, with years of educating beneath her belt. It was so enjoyable working along with her on this as a result of the subject material is so private to us, and it was a strategy to revisit these reminiscences.

Six Ascher

An early developer at Hololabs, taught me to open my thoughts to the idea of variable body charges. As an animator from movie my thoughts saved considering in 24fps, however for this mission we needed to suppose in BPM (beats per minute). So, they taught me to let go of a inflexible body price strategy and to open myself as much as a system that will tie my animation to the beat, no matter pace that will find yourself being. And it was actually liberating to my animating course of to have the ability to suppose this manner.

Amesh Narsing

Our lead engineer. Respect to the architect! He got here up with a brilliant highly effective thought. Slightly than connecting the frames by hand, he laid the muse for an animation fetch and play system that will find the quickest path right into a transfer. This was an thrilling growth which allowed me to resolve many intricate issues by the animation, on how strikes would transition into each other, what number of frames every transfer wanted to be, the place the maintain poses had been, the place the out and in factors can be.

The programmers and designers may concentrate on different necessary issues, trusting me to ship an animation transfer tree for every character that would go away room for participant creativity, and wouldn’t crash the system. And so I opted to make as many distinctive transitions as attainable, and to have sufficient of them out and in of every transfer to permit for participant response time to really feel proper… bringing the drawing depend as much as the tens of 1000’s. Which almost broke the system many instances. By the tip of the mission, Amesh was studying to get down within the studio and six-step.

Roger Braunstein

Our junior engineer and programming spark plug. When he writes code, he talks out loud. So, we may all hear him play-by-play commentate on himself catching and zapping bugs within the system. I additionally witnessed Roger good the rhythm part on the Peace Summit, the toughest degree within the recreation, on a primary attempt – after we thought that will be unattainable.

Eric San

Final however not least, DJ Child Koala. Via his music and reveals world wide, he’s saved the dream of Flooring Children alive all these years till the correct alternatives hit. His brilliance is not only within the music and sound, however his imaginative and prescient, his jokes, and his wit. One among my favourite issues within the recreation is the story — it’s a poem. Eric wrote one thing to be humorous, and it got here in on the final minute, in a flash of inspiration. It was written with cadence and wit. It speaks in a legendary but playful tone however can be dropping hints about how the scoring system works. Every chapter of the story incorporates the theme of the placement and describes a lesson for one in every of Funk, Taste, Circulation, Hearth, and Flyness. Humorous factor is that these classes may additionally apply to our actual lives.

He learn it out loud and everybody was laughing, however what I heard, was one thing deeply significant, as I noticed his story touched on the sentiment of every little thing I had drawn and tried to create.

So, he sends me all of the story music tracks, and so they had been so goofy and foolish, I laughed so laborious as a result of they sounded hilarious, and I knew what he was considering… however I used to be like “A’ight. I’m going to do this different concept that I’ve.”

So, I got here again with story panels for an enormous journey traveler journey drama, a severe quest by town. Eric laughed at how epic the story panels had grow to be. And he modified the entire music of the story sequence to make it tremendous huge and intense. Ultimately, we laughed our heads off on the mixture.

And in order that’s a glimpse into our story as a staff. Flooring Children is now on Xbox One. Now go construct your crew and we hope you have got enjoyable!

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[dipulb3]

The US Wasn't Prepared for Covid-19: Dr. Sanjay Gupta's coronavirus podcast for June 22 | Foxton News

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/the-us-wasnt-prepared-for-covid-19-dr-sanjay-guptas-coronavirus-podcast-for-june-22-foxton-news/

The US Wasn't Prepared for Covid-19: Dr. Sanjay Gupta's coronavirus podcast for June 22 | Foxton News

You possibly can hear in your favourite podcast app or learn the transcript under.

US President Donald Trump: While you do testing to that extent, you are gonna discover extra individuals, you are gonna discover extra circumstances, so I mentioned to my individuals sluggish the testing down, please.

Temperatures had been taken on the door, and masks and hand sanitizer had been handed out. However as we noticed, only a few individuals had been carrying masks as they stood shoulder to shoulder within the viewers. Positively not bodily distancing.

This occasion additionally occurred on the finish of every week the place a number of states — together with Oklahoma — noticed their highest common of recent day by day Covid-19 circumstances. The best since this pandemic started.

It is worrisome to lots of people. Together with Dr. Zeke Emanuel. I’ve identified Zeke for a very long time. I describe him as a person who wears many hats. He is a health care provider, an oncologist. But additionally a bioethicist. He is the vice provost of worldwide initiatives for the College of Pennsylvania and in addition a former White Home well being coverage advisor underneath former President Barack Obama. Now he is a well being advisor on former Vice President Joe Biden’s marketing campaign staff.

Dr. Emanuel has been very vocal and significant of President Trump for holding a rally this weekend, saying it is simply one other instance of the White Home ignoring the recommendation of public well being specialists.

So on this episode, I’ve determined to sit down down with Zeke to look again on the previous few months of this pandemic. Actually perceive what the federal government’s obligations had been. What they obtained proper, and what they obtained unsuitable. I believe most significantly, we wished to speak about the place will we go from right here? How will we flip issues round?

I am Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Appradab’s chief medical correspondent. And that is “Coronavirus: Fact vs. Fiction.”

I need to ask about masks. I discover this actually fascinating. I used to be speaking to Governor [of New York state Andrew] Cuomo yesterday and I mentioned, “What’s it about masks? Why is it so contentious?” And he mentioned, “Look, the whole lot’s contentious. Closing down, you understand, companies and shutting down the economic system was contentious. Closing down faculties is contentious. Asking individuals to put on masks is contentious.”

And I used to be pondering to myself, Zeke, that, yeah, closing down faculty’s a giant deal and shutting down enterprise is a giant deal. Asking somebody to go like this and put a masks on over their face. Why is that this so contentious?

Dr. Zeke Emanuel, vice provost of worldwide initiatives and co-director of the Healthcare Transformation Institute on the College of Pennsylvania: Sanjay, I completely agree with you. I do not suppose it must be contentious. The second factor I might say is what is the draw back? What precisely is the issue with carrying a masks? What’s the price? Whereas closing down companies, it is clear what the price is. Carrying a masks. There isn’t any value.

And I believe we obtained it unsuitable. I believe the CDC [US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention] obtained it unsuitable. These of us who take heed to the CDC obtained it unsuitable. Sure, it is true. A material masks is not so good as a surgical masks, not so good as an N95 masks, however it’s nonetheless good. And by the way in which, should you put on a nylon stocking round it, it is actually good. However we did not talk to the general public that very useful info.

And I believe it is turn into simply one other certainly one of these political divides. I believe, you understand, the President does not need to put on a masks himself, does not need individuals to put on it as a result of it means that we’re actually coping with this virus. It is actually severe and now we have to alter our habits to it. And I believe he would favor to disclaim it. And should you’re an individual within the public that, you are like, properly, that is how the, our leaders behave. That have to be OK. And the social norming right here is essential. And now we have completely failed on the social norming round face masks.

Gupta: Yeah, it is, it is fairly outstanding. It does not seem to be individuals are simply being ignorant. It looks as if they’re purposely sending out a message that you just need not put on masks. That is OK. We’re, we’re in shut proximity, however it’s OK. Dr. Emanuel, as you’ve got heard, we at the moment are predicting that there could also be some 200,000 individuals who could have died from this coronavirus by October. Is, is that inevitable now in in your thoughts?

Emanuel: Properly, I have been saying 250,000 by the tip of the calendar 12 months. And I, I’ll say that one factor that has stunned me is that medical doctors and hospitals have gotten higher at managing these sufferers. I believe we have realized lots during the last three or 4 months. So I believe that the mortality price goes down, however we’re getting extra circumstances. And so I do suppose there’s one thing inevitable about attending to 200 or previous 200,000 earlier than the tip of the 12 months.

Gupta: You recognize, it is, it is fairly hanging, clearly, to attract the comparability with some nations, that are, that are numbering their deaths within the tons of and even teenagers. And, you understand, with out form of making an attempt to unfairly bash on america, they did not have a drugs or a vaccine, clearly, or one thing that we did not have. Is it actually simply that folks didn’t make selections that wanted to be made after they wanted to be made?

Emanuel: I believe it is a number of components. I do suppose political management, which did not activate and take this significantly is one drawback. And after they did activate, they did not really activate in a really efficient method, as you’ll be able to see from our testing regime.

I believe in Taiwan, you had three components. One, large suspicion of China after the SARS episode. You had two, face masks tradition that wore the face masks. Took it significantly. And three, you had this well being card they’ve, that enables them to truly know in close to actual time, after just a few days, why individuals are going to the physician, what they are going for.

And so they might merge that well being knowledge with immigration and customs knowledge to know who was touring to China. So they might alert the well being care system. This is somebody at excessive threat due to journey. This is somebody at excessive threat due to respiratory signs that examined destructive for influenza. And that allowed them to leap on any circumstances and actually isolate them, check them and isolate them very, in a short time. And that made a giant distinction as you’ll be able to see.

Gupta: When you had been advising within the White Home in January, of this 12 months, since you’ve accomplished that form of work, clearly, prior to now, what would Dr. Emanuel have suggested the President?

Emanuel: Properly, in, in … I believe the third week of February or one thing, I did advise the President, and I did say to the President that you have to do what, say Lyndon Johnson would have accomplished, or Franklin Roosevelt would have accomplished, which is you create a twister of exercise that. … So you’ve got obtained a activity drive that offers with testing. You’ve got obtained a activity drive that offers with PPE [personal protective equipment]. You’ve got obtained a activity drive that offers with ventilators. Obtained a activity drive that offers with contact tracing. And on and on, so that you just’re overlaying the waterfront with competent individuals who know how you can make the forms transfer, can coordinate with states, can coordinate with personal trade.

And so they created a small activity drive on the White Home, which was alleged to do all of that. And that simply was completely insufficient. And I believe it might have made an enormous distinction.

Gupta: There have been lots of people to start with saying, look, this can be a coronavirus. We have heard that time period earlier than, SARS and MERS, to not point out a variety of frequent chilly form of viruses as properly. With SARS and MERS, there was a variety of concern up entrance. However in the long run, should you take SARS, for instance, some 8,000 individuals roughly all over the world turned contaminated and a few 800 individuals died. Very excessive fatality price, however wasn’t significantly an issue, definitely not in america. Was it not affordable for individuals to be pondering, properly, this may most likely be like that. Why ought to we get so apprehensive?

Emanuel: I do not suppose that was unreasonable to have that speculation. However as you understand, in drugs and in public well being, you propose for the, hope for one of the best, however plan for the worst. And this was not planning for the worst. And we rapidly handed the 8,000 circumstances and 800 deaths, in I believe, it was within the fourth week of February, the third week of February worldwide.

And so you need to have hopped on this a lot sooner than what this administration did. And I might say that hopping on it’s one factor, however utilizing that point once you’re flattening the curve to truly get in place an excellent testing routine, get in place good contact tracing. We did not do this and we nonetheless do not have it.

Gupta: I’m curious once more, since you’re a novel individual in having suggested the President, even throughout a earlier pandemic like H1N1. When public well being officers make suggestions to the White Home, to the President on this case, how is that info usually acquired? What was the ambiance like?

Emanuel: I might say the deference to science within the Obama administration was very excessive. We did not win each, you understand, each one of many selections. However I might say we received simply the overwhelming majority, and we didn’t have a hard-push form of resistance like “We do not consider you.” I might say the identical factor — I am advising the Biden marketing campaign. I might say the identical factor in regards to the Biden marketing campaign. They arrive to questionn, can we open up our workplaces? What do we have to do to open up the workplaces? After we lay out, the scientists lay out what we expect is critical, you understand, they’re fairly OK. That is what the scientist have mentioned. There appears to be consensus on this one amongst our scientists. We’ll do this. And the pushback is, you understand, are you positive or inform us what the uncertainties are. Not, “We do not consider you.”

Gupta: You recognize, it is, it appears to me that a part of the explanation I by no means wished to get entangled in electoral politics is as a result of it looks as if there would at all times be competing pursuits. And also you simply talked about you are advising the Biden marketing campaign now. You recognize, in some methods, it clearly is lots simpler should you’re not really the President proper now. You possibly can say, I might do that. I might give cash to all small companies which have been shuttered all through this. It is simpler to say this stuff once you’re not really within the job.

However once more, you are in a novel place since you’ve been within the job and now you are advising somebody who’s operating for the job. Do you suppose that the Biden marketing campaign, they’re listening to you, however would they implement this stuff or would political interferences come up? You recognize, if Vice President Biden turned President?

Emanuel: I really suppose that they might defer to the scientists. I imply, they’d have individuals you understand, the economists weigh in, too, as a result of it’s extremely related. However I believe there’s really a confluence right here. I do not suppose the competitors is the way in which the Trump administration suggests it. As a result of all of the economists I’ve talked to is, look, we’re not going to get the economic system to 90, 95 p.c of the place it was pre-Covid, until we really get the general public well being measures in place and restore client confidence.

The general public well being and the economics are intimately associated. You can’t remedy one with out fixing the opposite. And I do suppose that is vital, understanding it. And I do know that the Biden marketing campaign understands that. I do not suppose the present administration needs to consider that.

Gupta: Yeah, I believe it is actually fascinating. And I believe that the timetable performs a job right here as properly. I imply, I assume even should you say, hey, look, I assume I perceive how it might be higher for the economic system in the long term to remain shut down longer now. However you understand what? November is 5 months away. Proper?

Emanuel: Sanjay, I do not suppose that is the fitting reply. As a result of should you take a look at locations like Italy, like China, should you applied the general public well being measures stringently, they really turned out total to be for a shorter time period. And then you definately had been in a position to get the variety of new circumstances means down, in order that any new case that got here up, you did not have to close the entire economic system down. You possibly can focus your interventions to get to the few small circumstances and do the contact tracing and truly include these particular person circumstances.

So I believe a part of that is they really, the administration, by preserving concentrate on the economic system, shot itself within the foot. Relatively than being stringent, which might have been a shorter time period, they had been much less stringent. And that, as I mentioned, made the general public well being measures much less efficient. And that has extended the quantity, a excessive variety of new circumstances. It isn’t really allowed us to soundly reopen components of the economic system.

Gupta: So a extra stringent lockdown, even perhaps for a shorter time period?

Emanuel: Right.

Gupta: It might have led to aid each on the general public well being aspect in addition to the financial aspect. We did not do it.

Emanuel: I imply, completely. We did not do it.

Gupta: When you’re a health care provider, it is type of like saying, hey, you understand what, let’s simply do the fitting remedy, even when it is extra aggressive, as a result of that may really deal with the issue as a substitute of form of doing a half-baked remedy for an extended time period.

Emanuel: Sanjay, you are speaking to an oncologist, proper? All of us consider, you understand, we’re doing the 4 medicine. We’re not doing two now and two later as a result of we all know, two now two later, it is really not going to treatment you. 4 medicine now, it is gonna be a lot harder. However guess what? We have now a 70 p.c probability of curing you, and that is what we’re going for.

We did not do this in america. We dribbled it out, and dribbling it out is each prolonging it and making it a lot much less efficient when it comes to bringing the circumstances and the whole variety of deaths down.

And I believe that was a vital mistake. You recognize, for an oncologist that is like, the fitting reply is fairly clear right here.

Gupta: And the metaphors is, is fairly direct, it appears, on this case as properly. You recognize, Dr. [Anthony] Fauci [director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases], he mentioned one thing that did not shock me in any respect. My guess is it did not shock you both, which is that he is involved about an anti-science bias in america. I believe that is been clear, frankly, even earlier than this pandemic. When you take a look at issues like vaccines and also you take a look at issues like local weather change.

However I assume there’s an actual urgency to this anti-science bias now, as a result of if a vaccine does come to fruition — and there is nonetheless a variety of ifs round that — but when it occurs and it is accessible by early subsequent 12 months, as some have instructed, some polling now means that 30 p.c of the nation, even 40 p.c in a single research I learn, individuals say that they might be reluctant or hesitant to take it. That will be an issue since you’re not going to get to that herd immunity that everybody’s speaking about.

What do you suppose must be accomplished? Is there something that may be accomplished now, to attempt to stop that drawback later?

Emanuel: Properly, initially, I’ve, I am on the file and I consider that we should always make these type of lifesaving vaccines obligatory, definitely obligatory for youngsters. I believe that is open and shut. And I believe the Supreme Courtroom says you may make them obligatory for adults. And I really suppose until you might have an excellent spiritual cause, it must be obligatory. And we should always not let somebody endanger the remainder of the group for obscure beliefs that aren’t based mostly upon dependable science. I do suppose that there is been an extended interval of assault on experience and science is only one aspect of experience. And I do suppose now we have to reverse that.

You recognize, you and … properly, I grew up within the ’60s and within the ’60s, scientists had been revered. Proper. It is scientists and engineers who put a person on the moon. We thought that investing in science, educating youngsters in science was vital. And it most likely suggests, amongst many different issues, that our academic system, particularly round science, actually must be rethought. We clearly have had this large push for the previous few years round STEM, however I believe we have got to broaden that out.

Gupta: It has been a problem at instances to rejoice the fast progress that is being made on the vaccine. I’ve conversations with NIH [National Institutes of Health] scientists virtually day-after-day, and they’re legitimately excited, Zeke. They will say, “Hey, look, we have been in a position to create proof of neutralizing antibody impact very early. It is, it is early proof, however we hadn’t been in a position to do what we have accomplished right here with HIV in 20, 30 years of analysis on an HIV vaccine.” So there’s some, some reliable celebrations.

And but on the identical time, it appears to boost suspicion. You guys are dashing this vaccine. Look what occurred in 1976. You rushed a vaccine again then and other people obtained this Guillain-Barre syndrome, this ascending paralysis. You recognize, should you’re dashing it, it is certain to have issues. And that raises extra suspicion. So how do you assist craft that message then, to provide individuals the arrogance that, yay, we are able to rejoice the fast tempo of issues and now have some consolation that it is gonna be a protected vaccine?

Emanuel: Properly, I do suppose we most likely have extra mind energy worldwide engaged on this vaccine. You recognize, the equal is both the Human Genome Venture or the Manhattan Venture. And that’s one cause we’re making a lot fast progress.

I do suppose it’s important to persuade folks that the effectiveness trials that we’ll do with 30,000 individuals within the research — 10,000 getting a placebo, 20,000 getting a vaccine — are going to look very significantly at each aspect impact. And going to take a look at it for a interval of months and never, you understand, just some weeks. And we’ll make certain that once we approve the vaccine, it actually does defend individuals from getting contaminated. I believe these standards are important.

And until we are able to very reliably, based mostly upon the information say that, I do suppose individuals have a reliable cause to say, “You rushed the consequence. And it is not likely prepared for prime time.” And that may be a catastrophe that may gasoline the anti-vax motion. And that may be, I believe, very, very dangerous in the long run.

Gupta: Let me, let me simply end at the moment by asking you about your new ebook. I do not know the place you discover the time, initially. The ebook is named “Which Nation Has the World’s Greatest Well being Care?”

When you wished to dwell in a rustic, you, Zeke, that had the world’s finest well being care. For you. The place would you reside? Would you keep right here in america or would you progress someplace else?

Emanuel: Properly, it actually does rely upon what you worth most. And partially, it does rely upon the type of diseases you are anticipating and never. Norway, Germany, the Netherlands and Taiwan. Very low value on the level of care. Good main care. Sensible choice of physician. Low value. There are many benefits. However I might say that, you understand, we should always recognize what now we have within the 21st century. In 1900, the typical life expectancy was within the low 40s. Now we’re within the excessive 70s.

Sure, there are issues with the system. The primary issues are actually exorbitant prices which are affecting each nation, america the worst. We have now a really complicated and inefficient system. There’s lots we are able to do to enhance it over time. And the primary objective of this ebook was to search out out what are different nations doing properly, that we are able to really adapt to our nation.

Gupta: I am actually glad you wrote it. I imply, I believe typically we tend to get provincial in america. But it surely does not imply that we won’t proceed to be taught from locations everywhere in the world. However I actually recognize your time.

Emanuel: Thanks, Sanjay. This has been an amazing interview. Actually recognize it.

Gupta: Dr. Emanuel’s new ebook “Which Nation Has the World’s Greatest Well being Care?” is out now.

I’ve obtained to inform you, specialists like Zeke have been clear about what must be accomplished to finish this pandemic. I believe you’ve got heard this over and over by now. And remember, as I mentioned, all these nations which have accomplished so properly, they do not have a drugs or a vaccine or one thing that we do not have. We’re all coping with the identical assets. We have to do extra testing. We have to do extra contact tracing. We should be extra diligent about bodily distancing and carrying masks.

However the concern is that 4 and a half months into this, we nonetheless do not have the general public well being programs in place to implement these fundamental steps. In consequence, extra individuals will die. Individuals who did not have to die.

There may be hope. When you look all over the world. Locations like Taiwan and New Zealand, they present us that defeating the virus is feasible. And we even have the world’s prime scientists working at file tempo to develop a vaccine.

However we won’t wait till then. Our authorities and all of us have to take heed to the specialists. We have to take a look at the information and we have to right the errors which have already been made. It isn’t too late to avoid wasting lives.

Recently, I’ve heard lots of people say, I need not put on a masks, I am not apprehensive about getting it. I believe we have to change that dialog. When you do not put on a masks since you’re not afraid of getting it, then you need to put on a masks since you’re afraid of giving it.

All of us have to deal with one another. Be sort. Keep in mind, we’re all on this collectively.

We’ll be again tomorrow. Thanks for listening.

If in case you have questions, please file them as a voice memo and e-mail them to asksanjay@cnn.com — we would even embody them in our subsequent podcast.

It’s also possible to head to cnn.com/coronavirus and join our day by day e-newsletter, which options the newest updates on this fast-moving story from Appradab journalists across the globe. For a full itemizing of episodes of “Coronavirus: Truth vs. Fiction,” go to the podcast’s web page here.

[makingbabyk]

November 26 2019

Today has been a day. The way it was scheduled was supposed to be thus: Work until 1pm, get to the clinic by 1:30pm in order to sign in for my tube test, then my counselling session was scheduled for 4:30pm, which was supposed to be that late since I was told I might not get out of the tube test until 3:30 or 4pm.

The tube test’s start at 2pm and are first come, first served. When I got there I was number 3 on the list, so I settled in and prepared to wait an hour. I was surprised to be called back just 20 minutes later, where I learned the Doc doing the test that day had had a cancellation and was going to start early, plus the two people ahead of me on the list weren’t in the clinic for some reason, so I got to go first.

The test was AWFUL. They put a catheter up to my cervix, inject a dye and insert a trans-vaginal ultrasound and take a look to see if the fallopian tubes are blocked or not. Pressure against the cervix hurts like a mofo, so the catheter was awful, and they had to inject dye a few different times which I could feel every time. They could see my left tube fine, it was completely clear. But the right tube they couldn’t really see, apparently it was hiding behind some part of my large intestine or something. Though they did say I had a really nice follicle maturing on the right side. 

After the test I got dressed and went to reception to find out where I had to go for my counselling session, and since it wasn’t even 2:30 at that point, I asked if they could check and see if the counsellor could get me in earlier. Thankfully Jan, the counsellor, was free right then so I only had to go down a floor and wait a few minutes before getting in to see her.

I was very nervous about that session, but she was lovely. I told her why I was going through this process, and we talked about my support network, what’s been going on in my life the last few years, the donor selection process. Everything. She seemed really happy with my answers and said she felt I was very well prepared for this process. She also encouraged me to attend a support group she runs for single folks having kids on their own. It meets the 4th Thursday of each month, so I’m going to try and go this week. It’ll be a good networking opportunity, and, according to Jan, it’s a great resource of like minded people. Apparently, they're a pretty close group and they even have a holiday social in January and a big party in August. I’m looking forward to checking it out. 

So now I’ve just got to wait until my follow up on December 4, where Dr Dv and I will go over the next steps and decide when to start. 

More to come….

December 5, 2019

So I went to the support group last week and it was wonderful. Everyone had something to say and a story to share. Lots of questions were asked and we were all able to give our perspectives, it was really great.

I have my follow up with Dr Dv yesterday and it went great. I got there about 10 minutes early and ended up waiting a bit for her, but just before she came and got me the counsellor, Jan, was walking through the clinic and stopped to chat with me. 

Then Dr. Dv came and we went back to her office to go over everything.

All of my results came back good. My AMH, which measures ovarian reserve, came back about mid range, which is good because being too high can mean you have PCOS (poly-cycstic Ovarian syndrome). My CBC was a bit wonky, which she thought might mean I didn’t drink enough water so we redid that test. And everything else was normal or at least expected based on my past physicals.

Then we went over my options and decided on a game plan. Basically we’re going with a medicated IUI. I’ll be taking Letrozole for 5 days during my cycle to encourage two follicles to mature, instead of the usual one. That will double my chances of one fertilizing. It also increases your chances of multiples, but, as she said, that change goes up to 7-15%, however in her time she hasn’t seen it in 5% of cases, so she’s not overly concerned. The goal is to for me to get pregnant within 3 cycles.

The other options were no drugs with IUI, which would mean less chance of pregnancy each cycle, and we’d probably try 6 cycles before re-evaluating. Or we could go straight to IVF, which she thought was extreme given my age. If I was closer to or over 40 she might recommend it, but she didn’t think it would be necessary.

The plan is to skip my next cycle, since that would probably put insemination right over Christmas, and start in January. Based on my calculations, but January cycle with start January 3 or 4 and then the schedule will be:

Day 2 or 3: go in for cycle monitoring. This will be bloodwork and ultrasound. Dr Dv will review the results that day and call me to tell me when I have to come in next and when to start taking Letrozole. 

Days 5-10: I need to go in to get the tube test done again. She wants to be able to see the tube they couldn’t see last time (my left one I think), she can’t do the insemination if the tube is blocked and that’s the side the egg will be released from that month. During this time I’ll probably have to go in every few days for cycle monitoring to see how things are progressing.

Day11+: Insemination sometime after day 10. I’ll continue to go in for cycle monitoring and when Dr Dv see the eggs are getting ready to release in the next day or two, she’ll call me and tell me when to come in for insemination.

After insemination there’s the dreaded two week wait before pregnancy testing (I believe that’s blood and another ultrasound) and I get to see if it worked. If it didn’t then we start all over again the next cycle.

It’s kinda crazy that this is going to happen so soon, yet January also feels so far away lol. I definitely don’t want to get started any sooner, but I’m glad it’s happening at the beginning of the month.

More to come…. 

December 7, 2019

I’ve been trying to put into words how I’m feeling, but the words aren’t coming. So to put it plainly…

I’m feeling anxious and maudlin, maybe because I’m sleep deprived

A lot of my high school friends who have kids that are already in school are posting about christmas and it’s making me ache for a baby

I’m terrified that I’m making a mistake doing this alone

I’m worried because it feels like this is happening to easily for me, and I honestly think it should be harder. But I also don’t want to borrow trouble so I’m trying to ignore that feeling, but it wasn’t helping. 

I’m debating going back to Jan, the counsellor, for another session. But I can’t seem to articulate my thoughts to myself, so I’m not confident in my ability to make sense to her.

On top of this I’m moving February 1 and the movers are going to run me about $600+, which is about 50% more than I paid last time. So that’s going to cut into my cash flow for cycles, but I guess that’s what credit cards and overtime is for. I’m going to work as much overtime the next two weeks as I can get away with, so I can bank as much cash as possible. It’s a bit of a mess, but I’m done my christmas shopping, so I should be able to control my expenses over the next couple of months much better. I mean, how much do I really need to eat? I’m joking, well I’m serious in that if I cut out junk food (aka take out) I’ll save myself a boatload of money. I’ve also got a freezer full of stuff I should eat before moving, and it’s much healthier than what I usually eat for lunch.

I’m rambling, so I’m gonna log out now.

More to come….

January 7, 2020

Christmas and New Years have come and gone. It was a busy holiday season on top of a busy period at work. But I was able to crank out some decent overtime, which will pay for my movers at the end of the month, and also pay off some credit card bills to make some room for the fertility bills

My period is due to start today, which means day 2 or 3 is coming soon, and with that comes my first cycle monitoring appointment. I’m excited and terrified still, but it honestly doesn’t seem real some days. 

My move is happening at the end of this month, and my promotion, which I’ve been waiting for since October, should come through this month as well. But I’m not really holding my breath on that one. It’ll happen when it happens. 

I’m trying to be a realist and remember that the likelihood of insemination working on the first try is slim to non existent, but I’m hopeful it’ll work within three. 

Not much else to report I guess

More to come… 

January 8, 2020

My period finally started today. It was due yesterday, but it’s been at least a day or two early the last three months, so I was expecting it earlier. But of course that means it would come late. 

Regardless, it’s here now and that means cycle monitoring starts. First visit is Friday. 

More to come…

January 9, 2020

I go for my first cycle monitoring appointment tomorrow. I’m fucking terrified. 

What if I got the days wrong?

What if the cycle doesn’t start until my period is done?

What if I forget to sign up on one of the clip-boards?

What if they see something weird on the ultrasound and refuse to inseminate me?

What if. 

What if..

What if... 

I’m a fucking mess. 

More to come… 

January 10, 2020 (7:05 am)

Cycle monitoring today. Got here at 6:30am and the door was locked. Another woman showed up and we waited outside for a few minutes for one of the techs who was able to let us in. Then it was a wait until 7am when the office doors were opened. 

Had to sign up on ultrasound, Dr Dv and blood work clipboards (I didn’t screw it up!) and then take a seat. I was first in line so I’m number one for ultrasound, two for the Dr Dv (she’s going to call me anyway) and three for bloodwork. 

Now to wait. 

(7:45am)

I was done inside 30 minutes. Told work I was going to be an hour later. Instead I’m 15 minutes early. Needless to say I’m giggling at my desk over the absurdity of it all. 

Dr Dv will give me a call later this morning to let me know when to come in next and if I should start my meds yet.

I also booked my 2nd tube test for January 14, which will be a bucket of fun I’m sure.

I did meet a couple of nice ladies in the line outside the office, one was a first timer like me, and the other is on her 2nd cycle. It felt good to recognize a couple of faces as I moved through the office.

(9:10am)

Oh, and I turned my ankle on a pothole in the middle of an intersection on my way to the clinic this morning, so my right ankle is screaming, my left wrist (from catching myself as I went down) aches and my left knee was scraped. And the system at work is down. Hopefully It’ll come back before the end of the day, we’re supposed to do OT tomorrow (Saturday).

It’s been a day folks. 

(10:20am)

Of course the doc called while I was in my daily meeting. 

Blood work was good. I’m going to start the meds today, I need to take them for 5 days. And I go back for the next cycle monitoring on Day 11, which is Saturday Jan 18. I’ll see Dr Dv that day and IUI should be within a few days of that. Got to try and remember to ask if I can pay admin fees early and what the process looks like on the IUI day. 

(4:05pm)

They system never came back up and OT for tomorrow is cancelled. Monday is gonna be an adventure for sure.

More to come…

January 11, 2020

So I haven't really updated about the rest of my life here. 

I move at the end of the month, currently the movers are booked for January 31, but I’m hoping to get that changed to January 29, the mover cost will go down by $30 an hour if I can get it 2 days earlier. I’m going to the co-op this coming wednesday so I can take some measurements for windows, I also want to take some pictures and get an idea on where the best place to park the moving truck is. I’m hoping the building has a service elevator and I won’t just have to use the main elevators. But I’m not counting on it. 

I’ve also been working on getting a promotion at work. It was supposed to come through in October but it didn’t. My manager just told me he was working on it. 

Well on New Years Eve I had a short conversation with him about leaving early, everyone else on the team had been bugging him about leaving 30 minutes early, at 4pm, but since 4pm is my regular end time i didn’t say anything. Until we got to 3:45pm and all my work was done, plus there was only a few end of day transactions left, so I asked if I could leave then and he told me I should stay and help my teammates finish their work. Needless to say I felt like he was saying I wasn’t a team player, and that really angered me. I ended up leaving at exactly 4pm without saying anything to anyone and it took a few days for me to calm down and not be so upset by it. After spending a couple of days thinking about it, I realized most of my anger was about my frustration over this promotion. So I went in and talked to him about it. I made sure to be clear that I was upset by the conversation we’d had, and he was very understanding. He appreciated me coming to him and apologized for what was mainly him not being clear and not really thinking about what I was asking for as a person, he was mostly focussed on the team as a whole. 

Then I explained my frustration over the promotion, and how it was mostly rooted in the fact that I didn’t know WHY it wasn’t happening. He explained that it was his and our directors fault, they were not being as quick as they should be in getting the new job description for my role completed. It’s annoying and very frustrating, but at least I know why, and it should be completely this month. Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and they’ll backdate it, though I’m not holding my breath. 

Over all it’s been an interesting start to the year and the rest of 2020 is probably going to be just as fun. 

More to come….

January 13, 2020

So this entry might not stay in, but I feel the need to get some stuff off my chest.

Let me start by saying that I understand that I made the decision to take this journey on my own. I am fully aware that I don’t have anyone else going to appointments with me, or anyone holding my hand when I have procedures done. 

But nonetheless I’m disappointed. When I’ve spoken about this taking this journey with other people, I’ve gotten a lot of excited and happy responses. Everyone has been thrilled for me, and seemed really impressed that I’m going for this on my own. But once the journey actually started… things changed.

Either the people who said they wanted to be there aren’t, or they don’t seem at all interested in the process. I feel like I’m doing a lot of talking, providing a lot of information, that no one is asking for. I’ve made no secret of when my doctors appointments are, but I never get “hey, how’d it go?” from the people who, previously, were the most excited about it. 

So I’ve made the choice to stop talking about it, unless you ask. I’m starting to feel selfish and like I’m giving you too much information that you don’t want, and that’s not fair to you, or a good feeling for me. 

Instead I’ll focus on chronicling my journey here, and sharing with my support group. And if people want to know, or come to me with “why haven’t I gotten an update?” I’ll tell them. 

But I can’t be the one who starts every conversation. I can’t be the one always doing the reaching out. 

I’m going to start being selfish in a different way, I’m going to start taking care of myself. If you want to know, ask. And if you don’t, well, don’t worry, I won’t bother you with my issues from now on.

More to come… 

January 14, 2020

Today was my second tube test. To say I wasn’t looking forward to it is an understatement but I needed to get it done since one tube was blocked from view last time. The Dr Dv won’t do IUI if she sees the egg is about to release on the side that they couldn’t get a view of. And they won’t know which side it is until IUI day so I’d end up wasting over $1000 if they couldn’t get a clear view. 

So I got off work at 1pm and headed to the clinic. I was signed in (number 1 on the list) at 1:20pm and settled in for what I’d hoped would only be a 40 minute wait. 

Needless to say, when it hit 2:40 and I was still waiting, I was less than impressed. 

The nurse called me around 2:50 and told me I needed to pee in a cup so they could confirm I wasn’t pregnant. Then she took me to the room where I got undressed. And then proceeded to wait another 30 minutes. Twice someone came in and told me the Dr was delayed, the second time I was less than polite in my reply. 

Dr L came in about 3:20. He was nice enough, for someone who didn’t feel the need to even introduce himself. But he told me everything he was doing before he did it, told I was doing really well, and was done in under 5 minutes. So I’ve forgiven him for making me wait so fucking long. 

Anyway, both tubes are clear! 

On Saturday I’ll go in for another cycle monitoring appointment and see Dr Dv that day. She’ll have a better idea of when IUI day will be at that point. 

Holy crap I could be getting inseminated this time next week. That’s crazy. 

Now it’s home to do a bit of packing and go to bed early. 

More to come….

January 18, 2020 (7:50am)

Cycle monitoring again today. Getting up at 6am on a Saturday to get blood drawn and an ultrasound up my vagina is not a fun way to start the weekend. 

Doesn’t help that my stomach is unimpressed with me. Not sure if that’s nerves or what. I’m feeling a bit bloated and cramps, which is weird for this point in my cycle. It could be I’m hyper aware of my body because of this process, or maybe it’s the drugs. Or maybe it all in my head. Who knows. 

(10:45am)

Just got home from the appointment. Dr Dv says I have two nice looking follicles. One at 17mm one at 19mm. She wants to give the 17mm one another day to grow so I have to go back tomorrow. 

So it’s another trip downtown tomorrow to check on that, and if I haven’t surged they’re going to give me a trigger shot to ensure I ovulate in the following 36 hours. Then Monday I’ll go in for another ultrasound and bloodwork followed by the IUI. 

I’m fucking terrified. 

(10:20pm)

I’m getting ready for bed and all the sudden I’m feeling very melancholy. I assume it’s the medication making me emotional, but honestly…. I’m having some doubt. I’m all alone. And even though I know I have people I could call if I need help, I’m unreasonably upset that I need to ask for it. 

I fully admit that this is my problem, and not anyone else’s. But that doesn’t stop me from wishing someone would call and ask how things are going. Offer to help. Or even just want to hang out.  

I guess I’ve always been a loner, and if there isn’t an event of some kind, I’m not really the person people call just to chill. I don't really know why. And maybe I’m too old to change. 

Going to head to bed and hope tomorrow morning has me feeling better about everything. 

Another 6am day for cycle monitoring. 

More to come…

January 19, 2020 (7:38am)

Another day. Another cycle monitoring. 

Not feeling much better this morning. But all I can do is power through. I know I’m making the right choices for me, so a little doubt isn’t going to stop the journey now. 

January 20, 2020 (7:25am)

I wasn’t really in the mood to update yesterday. It took most of the day for me to shake the funk I’d gotten into. 

My bloodwork and ultrasound were good. Then I waited for quite awhile to see a Dr. Dr Dv wasn’t in yesterday so I ended up seeing Dr B. He was very nice and took the time to explain what would happen next, which I appreciated considering how insane the clinic was yesterday morning. 

He confirmed IUI for today, and said I needed the trigger shot. 

So after talking to him I went and waited for a few more minutes for the nurse who took me back for the shot and then explained the IUI-day process even more. 

She then took me to reception to pay for the trigger shot ($108) and the IUI admin fee ($495) before I was free to go. 

I decided to take today as a personal day since I’m not sure what the day is going to be like and I’m not feeling 100%, mentally, still. 

I got here at 6:30 this morning and waited, as always, for the clinic to open. At 7am I signed in for ultrasound, blood and to see Dr Dv. Since I was so high on the lists I decided to wait until after they were done to head to andrology to sign and have my donor sperm thawed and prepped. 

Blood and ultrasound went fine and the signing was quick. So now I’m waiting for the Dr to call me back. I’m not sure if I’m meeting her before I go back to be inseminated or not. 

But I do know I’ve got an hour before anything happens. Thankfully they’ve got wifi and I brought a book. 

(8:38am)

It’s been just over an hour and now I’m getting nervous again. 

I really don’t want to do this alone. But I’ll power through. 

(9:49am)

I’m lying here for the ten minute wait. The insemination went well and after this I just have to get my suppositories from the nurse and go home. 

Facebook just told me it’s apparently blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year. Not gonna lie, I kinda like that this was my insemination date. 

(11:45am)

It honestly doesn’t feel real. I’ll be using progesterone suppositories until February 2, when I go in for a pregnancy test. 

The dreaded two week wait. 

Thankfully I’ll be busy with packing, moving and unpacking which should hopefully keep me distracted enough to not obsess over it all. 

We’ll see. 

More to come….

January 21, 2020

So the last couple of days have been a bit of a train wreck for me, emotionally. I’ve just been feeling very down, and having some doubts about pretty much everything. I also didn’t get nearly as much packing done as I wanted to this weekend. 

But yesterday a friend reached out and asked me how the day went. It helped me remember that there are some people who care about what I’m going through right now.

Okay, that’s not fair. I know all of my friends and family care, but I can tell they don’t know how to handle this process, so they’ve pretty much decided to stay hands off. Which is their choice. It’s just a bit isolating.

Anyway, I texted with K for a bit and went to bed feeling less alone that I had during the day. 

Got up this morning and it’s back into the work routine. Unfortunately I wasn’t the only person who took an unexpected day yesterday, so the workload is a bit of a mess. And I had to make it clear to the team that I wouldn’t be working any overtime until after my January 29 move day, because I have too much to do.

Now to power through the rest of the day and get some packing done when I get home.

The next 12 days are going to be interesting, that’s for sure.

More to come…

[gracemolteniisnothome]

A Year of Quiet, aka Lessons in Isolation

First and foremost, I want to emphasis staying informed, and taking your health and the health of others seriously. Period.

I have the luxury of working in the news (which, admittedly, can get exhausting), and a science reporter as my sibling, who has been on the coronavirus beat for over 2 months. I trust her and her concerns. I am also lucky to have a handful of friends who work on infectious disease research and response for the CDC—I trust them and their concerns. That access to information doesn’t raise my anxiety so much as make me feel informed and prepared. However, I fully recognize how dire and scary this all feels. Frankly, it feels that way because the reach and reality of this pandemic is indeed scary. 

My office moved quickly last week to setting us up to work from home, and for that I am deeply grateful. I spent most of the weekend indoors, save a few runs and some fresh air, and a quick stop at my local cafe for coffee-to go (support your neighbors and tip well, y’all.) As Americans, it’s been a while since social solidarity was asked, let alone required of us. I can’t remember a moment in my lifetime that felt as dire in regards to personal responsibility.But, we can find a new normal in balancing being isolated and practicing social distancing, while also staying sane and staving off the stir crazy. I think it is possible to be diligent about self-isolating, and vigilant in our social distancing, and still find ways to connect, to support, to find joy, even if that means remotely. 

Strangely, I feel more prepared for self-isolation than I ever have in my life, and I realized this weekend that my year of quiet in rural Japan taught me a lot about how to manage limited social contact and a uniquely singular life. I figured there’s no time like a pandemic to share a few things that kept me sane: 

Remember that internet is the friend of the curious and the enemy of the anxious. 

What a time to be alive! There is more access to real time information than ever before. This is gift, and at times, a trap. Know when to unplug, and definitely know when to stop checking Twitter. Delete some apps off of your phone (Instagram, Facebook, Hinge, etc) for the weekend and enjoy reclaiming some of your mental space. (Plus coronavirus-inspired pick-up lines are eye-roll worthy at best.) When I would find myself deep into Instagram scrolls with no end in sight, that was usually time to delete the app for a week or so to break the habit. 

Set your expectations.

Consider this a marathon, and not a sprint, and adjust your mindset accordingly. We should be thinking of this in months, not weeks. It’s helpful to consider this in the long haul and not just a temporary inconvenience. 

Go for walks, long ones when time allows, particularly if you can avoid crowded areas. 

I usually ended my day with a sunset walk through the rice fields near my apartment and it was a regular time to reset and get some fresh air that now I often miss. I certainly take for granted how nice a short stint in the sun can be. Don’t forget to look up at the sky or take some picture of flowers if it pleases you. Send them to friends who are self-isolating in colder climates (looking at you, Chicago.) 

Create some structure

Outside of being able to live abroad, my teaching schedule allowed me to reclaim many of my daylight hours (something I had little of in my previous job.) I don’t consider myself a particularly disciplined person, but I wanted to make the most of this time. An easy thing I tried to adhere to was doing 3 things every day: something creative, something educational, and something active. The categories were purposefully broad – physical, for example, could be anything from a run to stretching while watching Netflix – and it helped to have daily, achievable goals.

But also, allow yourself some rest

WFH and self isolation are certainly not the same thing as a vacation. However, especially with the world feeling like it’s ending, it’s ok to not need to be productive (after remote-office hours, of course.) Lean into binging tv shows, taking long baths or reading books, diving back into the world of Sims. It’s ok to seek out comfort right now, because… 

Isolation can be painful! 

Loneliness is real. And if you’re the kind of person who needs to share physical space with people, this adjustment may be particularly uncomfortable. But it doesn’t last forever, and in 2020 there are so many ways to stay connect and close to the folks you care about. On that note…

If you’re feeling panicky, anxious, stressed - talk about it! 

Reach out to people you trust and share where you’re at. If you need support, now is as good a time as any to ask for it. For alternatives, consider starting a journal, recording voice memos, making videos, if only for yourself, to talk through those thoughts and stop them from occupying precious brain space. Speaking of videos… 

Send your friends dance videos, or schedule a GoogleHang and have solo dance parties, together.

When I lived in Japan there were some nights that my beloved apartment felt not just sparse, but empty; in those times that I felt particularly distanced from my friends and life back in the US, I started sending these dance videos to select folks on Instagram. It was silly (still is tbh) and yet very much helped to keep me sane and connected to people I love. Dancing around my apartment was a good way to save me from my melancholy self, and now is kind of a necessity during quarantine times, to shake off some of that excess energy and loosen up some of the stir crazy. Another great option is tuning into groups like Dance Church, who have taken their weekly gathering online and available for streaming.

On the topic of GoogleHangouts…

Throw some on your calendar! Make it weekly, make it daily, make them random. I am convinced that my Groupchat of high school pals played a large part in me tolerating the weight of isolation as a foreigner; WhatsApp with and Instagram messenger acted as lifelines when it came to feeling connection with my people back home.

Not sure where to start? Host a quarantine happy hour where everyone calls in at the same time with their beverage of choice! Start a Netflix viewing party! Make a free account on Tabletopia and play board games against your friends remotely! Start an online bookclub! If you’re musically inclined, go live on Instagram and let folks tune in!  It’s no stand-in for IRL social time, but I can say after moving around a number of times, it’s actually pretty incredible how many ways there are to hangout from afar. 

Revisit your internal project list. 

What is something you haven’t been able to get to in your regular life because of daily commitments like work? Reading the stack of books by your bed? Baking the best bread humanly possible? Learning another language? Having a project (or 5) to chip away at during my time abroad helped me to feel productive and take pride in accomplishing something. There’s so many great online (often free) resources for learning new things. I like to rely on Skillshare for prompts, but recently have purchased a few classes through Moment to learn more about mobile filmmaking. That being said, I’d also be careful not to fall into the trap of turning everything into work. Don’t put more pressure on yourself than needed right now. If there’s room to chip away at personal projects, be they anything from self portraits or cross-stitch, take the time to find some pleasure in creating. Oh yeah, and do update your damn website (me, to me.) 

An additional list of thoughts in no particular order: 

Make a collaborative playlists

Check in on your freelance friends (help them out financially if and when you can, promote their work, buy their merch, shoot them a Venmo, a PayPal, a CashApp.) 

Deep clean your place! 

Consume podcasts like it’s your job.  

Finally clear the open tabs on your browser window (wishful thinking) 

Do your taxes! Annoying, but hey, if you’ve got the time.  

StoryCorps! If you’re already cooped up with folks - family or roommates or partners– take the time to get to know them in a way you usually don’t 

Send snail mail! 

Participate in Instagram challenges or prompts 

I’m a fan of #DrawThisInYourStyle for illustration projects, but I really like @rockthatmuseumgirl’s idea of posting art we’ve seen and tagging them #throwbackmuseum since so many art institutions and public spaces are closed right now. 

On a community note…

Donate to food banks! Blood banks! Buy local gift cards to use later or see if your favorite spots are doing pickup or to-go options! Support your neighborhood any way you can, while staying safe, and more than anything, be kind. As a wise art director reminded us on Instagram this week: “everyone is fighting their own battles. be mindful & grateful for what you have”

Ok, enough rambling from me. Till next time, y’all

[bountyofbeads]

Finally an Evangelical pastor speaks up about Trump's vitriolic speech. Sadly though he only speaks up after the vitriol is directed at him. I guess caging children and families, Trump denying Hurricane Dorian victims who've lost everything safe passage to the United States, saying there were fine people were on both sides in Charlottesville and many other disgusting things Trump's said and done wasn't enough.

Following the article I've posted the open letter Pastor Jonathan Carl wrote to Trump. It's worth the time to read.

Trump accidentally tweeted an insult at a pastor. Here’s how the pastor responded.

By Julie Zauzmer  | Published September 9, 2019 at 6:34 PM EDT | Washington Post | Posted September 10, 2019 5:26 PM ET |

The Rev. Jonathan Carl glanced at Twitter and laughed out loud in disbelief.

The president of the United States had just tweeted at him, a Baptist pastor in Kentucky who up until now hadn’t had any reason to be the subject of national attention. And President Trump was, online, in public, out of the blue, insulting him.

The president had mixed up Jonathan Carl, the Kentucky minister with fewer than 375 Twitter followers, with Jonathan Karl, the ABC News reporter whose journalism had ruffled the feathers of the commander in chief.

Carl’s laughter soon turned into concern. Trump had called Carl a “lightweight reporter.” And some of Trump’s ardent fans weren’t happy with Jonathan Carl — not realizing that he wasn’t Jonathan Karl.

The “drive-by tweet” brought on “intense vitriol and hatred,” Carl said. He was suddenly experiencing what many of Trump’s intended Twitter targets go through almost daily: a barrage of infuriated tweets from Trump’s followers.

The pastor stopped laughing. And on Monday, a week after his evening as a sudden Twitter target, he published an open letter to Trump.

“Although I was an accidental casualty caught in the cross-fire of your ‘lightweight’ tweet, your attack was very purposeful and hurtful. Many others, whether American citizens or global citizens, feel wounded and hurt by the shrapnel and side-effects of your ongoing Twitter attacks,” Carl wrote in his letter.

He hurled the same insult back at Trump that Trump had mistakenly leveled at him — but then turned it into a theological point. “Let’s be honest, you are a lightweight too,” Carl wrote. “We all are. God is the only heavyweight who knows it all and gets it right all the time.”

He pleaded with the president: “Please don’t make the Twitter-universe such a dark and depressing place. It shouldn’t be a place to argue, fight, or jockey for position. We can disagree and debate without childish name-calling. You can make Twitter a better place.”

Carl, who did not immediately respond to a request for comment from The Washington Post, is the lead pastor at South Fork Baptist Church in Hodgenville, Ky. According to an online biography, he is an Iraq War veteran, holds a PhD from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and is raising three daughters with his wife.

His church is part of the Southern Baptist Convention — the nation’s largest Protestant denomination, and one of its most Republican-leaning.

Sixty-four percent of Southern Baptists described themselves as “conservative” to Pew Research Center, and 9 percent described themselves as “liberal.” Last year, Vice President Pence showed up as a surprise guest at the denomination’s annual convention, where he thanked more than 9,000 attendees from churches “to the Southern Baptist Convention for the essential and irreplaceable role you play in America.”

But Carl didn’t mince words for the president. “Your heart must be in a dangerous place to have such a consistent flow of defamation and disrespect towards so many,” he said.

He interspersed his own comments throughout the letter with quotes from Abraham Lincoln, a president who never got to use Twitter but still came up with plenty of bon mots. Carl said that he passes Lincoln’s birthplace, which is now a National Park Service site, in his church’s town of Hodgenville, almost every day on his commute.

Perhaps Lincoln would not have been overly fond of Twitter, based on one 1861 quotation that Carl selected from the great emancipator: “I am rather inclined to silence, and whether that be wise or not, it is at least more unusual nowadays to find a man who can hold his tongue than to find one who cannot.”

Dear Mr. President,

I’m a Casualty of Your Drive-By Tweeting War. We all are.  Last week you tweeted an insult my way.  It was an accidental mis-tweet of course, I’m just an ordinary citizen (Jonathan Carl) and not worthy of POTUS attention like ABC News reporter Jonathan Karl. Nonetheless your drive-by tweet quickly brought a spectrum of intense vitriol and hatred my way.  Although I was an accidental casualty caught in the cross-fire of your “lightweight” tweet, your attack was very purposeful and hurtful.  Many others, whether American citizens or global citizens, feel wounded and hurt by the shrapnel and side-effects of your ongoing Twitter attacks.

In light of the lessons of my wounds I thought I would share a few personal thoughts as well as some helpful wisdom for us all from a well-admired man whose birthplace I pass almost every day.

“We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.” Abraham Lincoln, First Inaugural Address (March 4, 1861)

I’m not mad at you, I’m sad for you.  My first reaction was to laugh out loud at your mistake when I saw your tweet.  My second response was sadness and compassion for you.  Our words overflow from our hearts and can quickly evidence the health or sickness of our souls.  Your heart must be in a dangerous place to have such a consistent flow of defamation and disrespect towards so many.

“I am rather inclined to silence, and whether that be wise or not, it is at least more unusual nowadays to find a man who can hold his tongue than to find one who cannot.”

Abraham Lincoln, Remarks at the Monogahela House (February 14, 1861)

President Trump's Mis-Tweet

Be Slow to Tweet. It is wonderful that you want to communicate frequently with your constituency and the world.  Exercise self-control and be more patient and selective with your correspondence.  Please don’t make the Twitter-universe such a dark and depressing place.  It shouldn’t be a place to argue, fight, or jockey for position.  We can disagree and debate without childish name-calling. You can make Twitter a better place if you choose a platform of love instead of hate. As everyone’s mother used to say, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t tweet anything at all.”

“In times like the present men should utter nothing for which they would not willingly be responsible through time and in eternity.” Abraham Lincoln, Second State of the Union (December 1, 1862)

Apologize more.  Everyone makes mistakes.  All of us have regrets about past things we’ve said and wish we could change.  When you mess up, please learn to say you are sorry and admit you were wrong.  Even to ordinary folk like me.  Such humility goes a long way.  Aim to own up and stop trying to coverup, hide, deny, or ignore your faults.  No-one is perfect.

“Every man is said to have his peculiar ambition. Whether it be true or not, I can say, for one, that I have no other so great as that of being truly esteemed of my fellow-men, by rendering myself worthy of their esteem.” Abraham Lincoln, Address Delivered in Candidacy for the State Legislature. (March 9, 1832)

Be humble. You called an experienced reporter a “lightweight.”  Let’s be honest, you are a lightweight too.  We all are.  God is the only heavyweight who knows it all and gets it right all the time.  That should keep things in perspective for all of us.  You are not the ultimate Commander-In-Chief.  May we all be reminded of our national motto, “In God We Trust” and be more faithful to Him, avoiding the temptation to trust more in a politician, party, or post.

“I rejoice with you in the success which has, so far, attended that cause. Yet in all our rejoicing let us neither express, nor cherish, any harsh feeling towards any citizen who, by his vote, has differed with us. Let us at all times remember that all American citizens are brothers of a common country, and should dwell together in the bonds of fraternal feeling.” Abraham Lincoln, Remarks at Springfield, Illinois (November 20, 1860)

Choose kindness.  Goodness speaks much louder and more effectively than harsh words.  Gentleness builds up instead of tearing down.  The world is hateful enough.  Meekness is not a weakness, but a strength.  The world needs more light and hope.  My prayer is that you grow into a bright beacon of joy and peace in a traumatized universe.

“This struggle is too large for you to be diverted from it by any small matter.” Abraham Lincoln, Speech to the One Hundred Sixty-fourth Ohio Regiment, Delivered at Washington, D.C. (August 18, 1864)

Let’s Keep Things In Perspective.  At the end of the day, being right or wrong on social media regarding the prediction of a catastrophic weather event like Hurricane Dorian isn’t the main issue.  Thousands of souls are suffering and they need our prayers, encouragement, and support.  We need good leaders.  Please lead us well.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Carl, A Lightweight Husband, Father, Pastor, and Latest Trump-Tweet Casualty

Posted September 9, 2019 by Jonathan and Brittney Carl

[mnmiyukiko18-blog]

Have you ever ever looked at different Homeschooling blogs and questioned how they generate profits doing what they do?

Have you ever questioned how it might be potential to seek out the time to weblog?

Whether or not you’re a homeschooling mother or not – momming takes a LOT of time and focus – and it could possibly appear utterly inconceivable to even take into consideration including a weblog to the combination!

Am I right?

However… what should you might turn that blog into a very fulfilling outlet?  What if it might provide a approach so that you can connect with other moms and develop friendships from everywhere in the world?  What if it might add to your loved ones revenue – all by way of working from residence?

Just getting started with running a blog?  Grab our FREE Weblog Starter Package to get a bunch of assets, templates, and how-to guides to assist make it easier to start out your personal profitable blog!

It’s straightforward to take a look at profitable blogs and feel overwhelmed or such as you’ll never measure up. That’s why I’m so excited to share with you what these pretty homeschooling mother bloggers need to say!

Imagine yourself as sitting down for a cup of espresso with these women – and getting to select their brains about blogging…

Then, begin imagining the chances of starting your personal weblog – as a result of, as a mother myself, I say “If I can do it, YOU can do it!”

Critically!

Introducing…

Click on on each blogger’s picture to learn their entire interview.

What is ONE piece of recommendation you’d give to a new blogger starting out in your niche?

ONE?! That’s SO exhausting. If I HAVE to choose just one, I’d say, “Remember to always be a student.” The very first coaching I ever took once I began blogging was Tanya’s course, and it was so invaluable to me. Even after virtually 5 years of blogging I really like that there’s all the time something new to study, and I recurrently take courses and set aside time for studying new info. In fact this can be daunting, however decide one or two foremost focus areas at a time to turn into an professional in. Then as you deal with those transfer on to a different space to study more about. View the fact that issues are all the time enhancing and changing in blogging as a profit and not a burden…it is going to save your sanity. – Shaunna @ FantasticFunAndLearning.com

Be YOU. Do not worry about what others are blogging about, do what you’re captivated with and what works for you. And don’t be afraid of your uniqueness. I feel that is such an essential thing to know in the running a blog world now. There are so many bloggers that it may be onerous to face to from the gang! Don’t worry about comparisons and maintaining with others. Obviously it’s worthwhile to keep up with the developments and the current advice, however do it in your personal distinctive means!  – Karyn @ TeachBesideMe.com

Don’t anticipate to be an overnight sensation. Running a blog takes lots of time, dedication, and exhausting work. Don’t make it over-complicated both. I feel typically we get so caught up in having every little thing completed “just so” and then get annoyed when a publish doesn’t perform as well as we anticipated. Be yourself and be true to what you take pleasure in – as a result of in the event you don��t take pleasure in it, you’ll shortly lose the will to weblog. – Jolanthe @ HomeschoolCreations

One piece of advice I might give to new bloggers is to remain true to your voice. Though sponsored posts usher in good revenue, I have discovered that it is very important choose rigorously and not be afraid to turn down presents that may not resonate with my audience. At first, it’s tempting to say sure to anything that comes alongside, however a loyal viewers can be confused and can cease coming round if the content material they anticipate from you modifications too drastically. – Anne @ MyLearningTable.com

Discover one thing that makes you distinctive from all the opposite homeschooling bloggers. It could possibly be the number of youngsters you homeschool, your baby’s learning wants, your technique and strategy to educating, your geography, your faith…. discover one thing you’ll be able to take and personal that may make you stand out. – Lisa Marie @ TheCanadianHomeschooler.com

How much time do you spend blogging each week?

Proper now my weblog is a full time job, however this is just for a season while my husband is in grad faculty. Usually my blog is part time job with me spending as a lot or as little time as I want. On common I might say I spend a number of hours per day running a blog, but not often full time hours. – Carisa @ 1plus1plus1equals1.internet

Running a blog is my full-time job. I divide my time between actions for my schooling blog and my Pinterest administration business. I sometimes spend about 15-20 hours per week working on the schooling blog aspect of my enterprise. – Shaunna @ FantasticFunAndLearning.com

This is a matter that has haunted me from the very starting of blogging. My prime priority is and all the time might be my family. I give up my educating job many years in the past to remain house with my youngsters and ultimately took on the (typically large) process of homeschooling. Blogs can take A LOT of time (whether or not they’re profitable or not.) Through the years, I’ve watched many a blogger neglect her homeschooling and/or household time in an effort to develop her blogging business. Whereas I do get dreamy eyes about simply how massive my blog might be “if only” I had extra time to work, employed extra individuals, and so forth., I all the time should keep in mind that the primary jobs I dedicated myself to so many years in the past are my household and homeschooling.

I’ve chipped away at blogging little by little through the years and have almost 600 posts and 30 products consequently! There have been seasons once I spent upwards of 15-20 hours every week on blogging tasks, but there have also been seasons where I’m fortunate to seek out two hours to work each week. At present, I’m spending 5-12 hours on running a blog duties. I’ll tell ya, though, precise running a blog is a teeny portion. I’ll be the primary to admit that each one extras that go together with blogging today – social media, managing plug-ins, newsletters – have actually taken a number of my pleasure away.   – Cindy @ OurJourneyWestward.com

The brief reply is an excessive amount of! 😉  It really is determined by what sort of publish I’m writing. If it’s a assessment for a e-book/product, I will spend extra time to ensure I’ve included all meant particulars, but when the publish is a few feast day celebration or homeschool exercise, I can spend a couple of hours modifying photographs and running a blog about our celebration or exercise.  I’m somewhat of a perfectionist so that may be a blessing and a curse at the similar time. – Tracy @ ASliceofSmithLife.com

As I mentioned earlier, I started running a blog in my spare time, which frequently meant late-night writing periods—typically too late. It’s straightforward to get overwhelmed or to spend too much time away from family and different obligations if you work from home. I now have set ‘office hours’ so I can close the computer and reside my life! Being concerned in blogger groups with like-minded entrepreneurs has been one of the crucial helpful things I’ve carried out along the best way for help and recommendation. Blogging is an excellent solution to categorical your self and share your little nook of the world with others. – Anne @ MyLearningTable.com

I am not positive I need to admit that! 😉  I spend numerous hours – 20/week, maybe (in all probability) extra.  BUT, since I’m incomes an revenue, it’s nicely value my time.  – Karyn @ TeachBesideMe.com

It’s funny, once I blogged as a interest I had more time to spend on it.  However now on account of altering life circumstances and working as a digital assistant, I can not spend my evenings running a blog.  Nevertheless, my focus is now more targeting weekends to do as a lot as I can.  In a mean week I in all probability spend about 17-20 hours working on posts, scheduling social media, working on process threads with tribemates, emails, and so forth.  Should you add in the time spent utilizing products we’re reviewing, this is able to go up considerably. – Crystal @ CastleViewAcademy.com

I spend approximately 15-20 hours/week. – Heather @ Lifeofahomeschoolmom.com

What is your favourite method to get visitors to your weblog?

My prime two visitors drivers are Pinterest and Google. So I like to recommend creating great pins for each of your posts and becoming a member of some group boards to assist get your content seen on Pinterest. That is my favorite approach! I really like Pinterest!

Additionally, study search engine optimization (Search Engine Optimization) so your content material could be found via Google. If individuals can’t find you, they won’t come! Feed Google. I share my intent to Google+ despite the fact that no one actually uses it. It helps content to return up in searches higher. Also, I exploit the Yoast plugin on WordPress to help me with my web optimization expertise.

However, I feel crucial strategy to get visitors is to create content that folks need to see!  In the event you don’t have great stuff, individuals gained’t care to learn it.  – Karyn @ TeachBesideMe.com

Pinterest, arms down. It has been my number one visitors driver for years. Over time I’ve created a system and now handle Pinterest accountsfor many other bloggers to assist them convey in more constant visitors to their web sites using Pinterest strategies. – Shaunna @ FantasticFunAndLearning.com

My favourite option to get visitors to my weblog is thru e-mail subscribers and posting my hyperlinks on Fb. Sharing my posts by way of Fb on my personal pages and in groups is the one strategy that’s working greatest for me now.  – Tracy @ ASliceofSmithLife.com

The key to any successful weblog lies within the power of its e-mail record. If you want to improve your visitors, improve engagement together with your e-mail listing.  – Heather @ Lifeofahomeschoolmom.com

How do you earn a living by way of your weblog?

I exploit quite a lot of platforms and check out not to put all of my eggs in a single basket. Affiliate packages akin to Amazon and other corporations that I have a private relationship with have been nice for me through the years, but I even have quarterly advertisers and promote a number of merchandise that I’ve created..  – Jolanthe @ HomeschoolCreations

As a single mother who is solely dependent on revenue from my on-line companies I attempt to have all kinds of revenue streams in order that if something goes astray at a given time I’m not solely reliable on one revenue stream. I generate profits by selling my very own merchandise (preschool classroom and home preschool lesson plans out there on my sister sites and on Academics Pay Academics but promoted primarily via Incredible Fun and Learning. I additionally generate profits by way of promoting, sponsored content material, and affiliate packages. – Shaunna @ FantasticFunAndLearning.com

I earn cash a number of alternative ways: by means of promoting my very own products (printables & books), by means of my advert network (AdThrive), affiliate gross sales, and sponsored posts.

I began selling my merchandise final yr after giving them away FREE for years. It has shortly moved to one of many prime revenue sources for me!  I’m so glad I lastly jumped into doing that!  I additionally was a part of a collaborative guide venture that has been actually successful.

For affiliate sales, my largest earner is Amazon, however I also have a number of good ones within my area of interest which were profitable for me.

Sponsored posts come by means of networks that I’m part of as well as unbiased corporations who reach out to me. I have a media package that I send to people who are concerned with working with me that explains my rates and providers. – Karyn @ TeachBesideMe.com

I earn cash on my weblog principally by means of products and affiliate promotions. I create Canadian-centric learning assets, often targeted on areas which are more durable to seek out things for – like geography and historical past. – Lisa Marie @ TheCanadianHomeschooler.com

I earn money by way of the gross sales of my own products and courses, along with sponsored content material, paid advertising, and affiliate monetization. – Heather @ Lifeofahomeschoolmom.com

At present, I generate income via my blog by way of Amazon Affiliate hyperlinks and a few advertisements on my sidebar. – Tracy @ ASliceofSmithLife.com

My weblog is presently a side-gig. In different words, I don’t should earn money from it to help our household. And, as I mentioned earlier than, till my youngsters have all flown the coop, I’m not going to pour full-time hours into it. That being stated, I’m making sufficient cash to make the brief time I make investments value it.

I’ve taken the relatively daring stance to NOT be a part of an advert community. Some individuals name me crazy and perhaps I am. Right here’s the rub for me…I can’t stand to be on a website the place advertisements wreck my experience. We stay in a rural area where web velocity isn’t all the time the perfect. Once I click on onto a blog where pop-ups are jumping out at me at a gentle clip, I can’t even see the pictures because of ad protection, and the entire website freezes because of the dumb video advert making an attempt to load, I virtually start to cry. I don’t need people who come to my website to ever really feel that approach. I would like them to really feel at house. In any case, the whole level of my weblog is to encourage mommas to seek out joy and creativity in homeschooling. In the event that they depart crying over the advertisements, I’ve failed.

So, I’ve chosen two foremost modes of revenue – merchandise and affiliate packages.

Products: I write artistic homeschooling curriculum and promote it digitally utilizing a WooCommerce store on my blog. I’ve but to promote by way of Amazon, however I understand I in all probability have to make that leap prior to later. I did promote by way of another platforms at one time, but found it troublesome to maintain up with every part that was involved in each of those spaces.I have one big caution about product creation…be sure your products are good. Really good. There’s a ton of crap being created within the identify of getting a digital product on the market to sell. When you might promote within the brief run, it is going to be arduous to keep the momentum in case your merchandise aren’t prime notch.

Affiliate Packages: I’m a huge fan of the Amazon affiliate program and use it steadily inside weblog posts and infrequently on social media. I’ve decided my audience really appears to choose naturally integrated affiliate hyperlinks versus obvious advert placement.

I’m additionally an affiliate of a number of homeschool pleasant corporations. There are a number of methods I exploit with these affiliate hyperlinks – critiques, evergreen posts, and social media shoutouts. Sometimes, I receives a commission for a evaluation submit and embrace affiliate hyperlinks. If I simply occur to be utilizing the product and loving it, I’ll typically naturally combine affiliate hyperlinks into an evergreen submit. If the corporate is having a sale or I get a great picture of my youngsters utilizing the product, I’ll direct affiliate hyperlink to the product on my Fb web page or some other social media account.  – Cindy @ OurJourneyWestward.com

My revenue comes from many various locations with the top being my own product sales. Associates, personal weblog sponsors and ad networks come proper behind that. – Carisa @ 1plus1plus1equals1.internet

I’ve made cash mainly by way of sponsored posts and affiliate merchandise.  Having my blog has had the benefit of allowing me to realize the talents wanted to turn into a virtual assistant for others as nicely.  – Crystal @ CastleViewAcademy.com

Though it is nonetheless a piece in progress, I generate income by means of my weblog from affiliate sales with direct links in relevant posts. I’m careful to only hyperlink products I truly use and like in order to stay genuine with my viewers.  – Anne @ MyLearningTable.com

What’s ONE massive running a blog hurdle you needed to overcome and what steps did you’re taking to beat it?

I feel my largest hurdle to beat was believing that I was value earning money from my website. I did not assume that my issues have been ok to charge for and I waited method too lengthy to consider in myself. I want I might have started promoting my own services earlier! Placing my first store merchandise up on the market was scary, however once individuals began shopping for issues I began believing in myself more. – Karyn @ TeachBesideMe.com

There’s all the time SO a lot you CAN do to develop your running a blog enterprise, but you don’t should do all of it RIGHT NOW. It’s straightforward to let running a blog eat up your whole time, and earlier than you realize it your priorities have shifted away from why you initially began blogging within the first place (for me that has all the time been to have the ability to be house and look after my youngsters even after turning into a single mom).

It has been essential for me to set a sensible schedule that retains my priorities in stability and to actually attempt to persist with that schedule. I’ve also labored onerous to not examine myself to what others are doing or what they’ve completed, so that I’m content with my schedule and the results I can get while holding those priorities in line. I additionally maintain word of key stats and accomplishments so that I can give attention to what I have completed and never what I nonetheless have on my to do listing for the longer term. – Shaunna @ FantasticFunAndLearning.com

Burnout. There was some extent once I just needed to put every part aside. I needed to take a step back and consider what was most necessary to me and what I wanted to do to keep it pleasant within the process. For me that meant taking dedicated time without work annually (it’s okay to not submit every single day), change up my blogging schedule, and put much less strain on myself general. – Jolanthe @ HomeschoolCreations

My largest piece of advice can be to be persistent and solely weblog if it’s something you love to do.  In the event you don’t adore it, it can present in your posts. – Crystal @ CastleViewAcademy.com

I like to put in writing. I’m good at it. I don’t like most of the other issues that go together with running a blog, although. Heck, simply hearing concerning the ever-changing must-do’s keeps me spinning in circles. You’ll be able to think about my frustration making an attempt to truly stay on prime of all of it! So…I don’t.

I really have given up making an attempt to do things the ways I’m “supposed” to and I’m making an attempt to stay truer to my heart and my mission. For instance, I’m not listening and adapting to the newest guru’s recommendation about numerous social media platform progress. I’m simply being real and becoming in what works for my schedule. I is probably not growing by leaps and bounds, but I’m additionally not hustling at a time in my life when a hustle is simply too much.

I should add that I have employed out assist for a few of the issues that basically do “have” to occur. I’ve an awesome webtech who helps me maintain my weblog in tip-top shape. I have additionally employed out issues comparable to freebie creation, ebook formatting, and installing WooCommerce. Hiring a social media supervisor isn’t out of the query considered one of today both.  – Cindy @ OurJourneyWestward.com

What’s certainly one of my favorite running a blog instruments/assets and why?

PicMonkey & Canva photograph modifying tools have been nice for me! It is a reasonable solution to edit pictures and make pin-able graphics. – Karyn @ TeachBesideMe.com

I started blogging earlier than blogging back when many didn’t know what a blog was. I fell in love with utilizing Reside Author to write down and edit posts and I nonetheless use it immediately. I strongly dislike writing in the WordPress dashboard so that is my most favourite software. I personally love Tailwind for Pinterest scheduling, Photoshop for graphic design work, PicMonkey for fast graphic work, and PowerPoint for creating printables. – Carisa @ 1plus1plus1equals1.internet

My favourite blogging resource is Facebook!  An important info I’ve discovered and the perfect assist I’ve had alongside the best way have been via Fb groups.  Giant groups of people running a blog in the identical area of interest, and small tribes of just some individuals with more numerous pursuits; all are nice for asking about issues I don’t know, bouncing concepts round, and supporting each other.  Pretty friendships have been started that transcend the groups….and once I’m having a nasty day, there’s sure to be an applicable meme in my feed that may make me smile.  – Crystal @ CastleViewAcademy.com

Truly, certainly one of my very favorite blogging assets is my Building an Efficient E-mail Record Course. It is run in a gaggle setting and I study a lot from the course members. I present them with direct teaching for eight weeks and  they’re continuously asking me questions that end in me learning new tips and methods which helps me to develop as a blogger…plus I’ve made some superb buddies! – Heather @ Lifeofahomeschoolmom.com

The most important thing that has pushed my running a blog to the subsequent degree is accountability. Becoming a member of a mastermind group that meets each other week to encourage and help one another, speak via challenges and brainstorm together, maintain one another on process to succeed in our objectives, combined with my greatest blogging buddy who’s retaining me accountable day by day has moved me ahead greater than anything I’ve ever invested in or used alone. Find individuals with the identical mindset as you, who are working on comparable objectives – whether or not in the same area of interest or not, and work collectively to succeed in these objectives! – Lisa Marie @ TheCanadianHomeschooler.com

My running a blog pals are the most effective useful resource I have by far! Some of them I’ve met in individual at numerous running a blog retreats, however most of them I’ve never met in individual. Nevertheless, all of them have grow to be pricey associates as we encourage each other and freely share running a blog knowledge.

I can ask just about any query within the iHomeschool Community Fb group or the Inspired Bloggers Facebook group and have several answers in a matter of moments. For those buddies who’re extra-close, we Voxer forwards and backwards to ask questions, bounce around ideas, share advice, and even hold each other accountable to our private blogging objectives.

Even when I never gleaned anything at all from these women, their understanding of my life as a blogger can be enough! Most of my IRL buddies just don’t get what I do or why I do it. Ever really feel the identical?  – Cindy @ OurJourneyWestward.com

Thank you to all of these AMAZING homeschool bloggers who shared their insider secrets and techniques to monetizing their blogs. After studying by means of all of their ideas and tips, I actually hope that you simply feel equipped and able to take on your own weblog and begin monetizing it, immediately!

Please share within the feedback under!

The post 10 Homeschooling Mom Bloggers Share How They Make Money From Home With Their Blogs! appeared first on Tactics Socks.

[wessonba]

I didn’t write a reflection after season’s 4 finale.  It is true that I was sick and really couldn’t think clearly enough to write, but if I’m truthful with myself…a part of me really didn’t want to.  Then because so much time had gone by and so many had written exhaustively about this season, I really thought I would just pass. But, in the last few days, I’ve had readers asking me where my review is and I guess I owe them at least an explanation. I love this show and it hurts me to have to say negative things. I really am rooting for them.  I was holding out hope that my patience this season would be rewarded. It wasn’t.  My overall initial feeling after watching the Outlander season 4 finale was one of dissatisfaction. I wasn’t angry just sad. My thoughts wandered to previous finales and I particularly remembered how I felt after season 1. As I watched Jamie and Claire sail away on that ship to France I was tearfully smiling. I can remember thinking that I would miss this couple and overall pleased with the adaptation. I was proud to be a fan.  I’m still proud to be a fan, but with a few exceptions, I struggled to write about this season. I would find myself sitting with my thoughts for far too long.  I wasn’t inspired.  And, I think my writing this season reflects that.

It is telling that my most popular blog posts this season have been when I felt the need to negatively critique an episode. I hate that.  I’ve had some time to think and to read other fan’s reactions and I find myself agreeing with bloggers and fans that I usually don’t.  I hate that. But, I can’t write this blog if I’m not genuine.  My readers trust me to be honest and my conscience would bother me if I was wasn’t.  I really love this show and want it to succeed.  Let’s be clear, there is still a lot to love about this show.  It is beautiful and transportive and I have always believed it was made with obvious love for the story they were telling.  It is a remarkable tv experience. What it isn’t …is …the same show.

I’m still not buying into some fans’ intricate conspiracy theories and need to denigrate cast and crew for not giving “fans” what they want.  But, something HAS  changed.  None of us on the outside really know, but there are a lot of theories out there and at least a few make some sense.  There were a lot of changes to the TPTB and I have no idea if that resulted in different work relationships and expectations and maybe changes to budgets as well.  There were new writers, bad weather, and some really concerning comments from the cast about their characters and the amount of input they would like to have in the writers’ room. I THINK that might be a good idea, but what if their ideas about their characters aren’t what we think they think, lol. I still haven’t forgiven Sam for not letting Jamie “quietly fall to pieces”. Then this week some fans were sent questionnaires.  I guess that would indicate that they are trying to listen, but why not just say we hear you?  Why send surveys to select fans? What was the criteria? I’ve always felt that the majority of fans are happy with the show, but not as vocal as those who seem to be invested in finding fault.  Was this questionnaire sent to a true representative sample of fans?

I’ve been here since the beginning and I don’t think PR has EVER really known who their audience is for this show or how to market it.  Can anyone say “the kilt drops”?  Are these surveys going to insure that PR and the TPTB will get an accurate picture of what fans want?  I think they might offer some insight, but shouldn’t be taken as gospel or as a definitive barometer of fan opinion. Quite frankly, if some fans actually get what they think they want they still wouldn’t be satisfied. I’m afraid it is the nature of the beast that is fandom. As much as fans like to think they know how to adapt Diana Gabaldon’s bible sized tomes, they don’t.  Nevertheless, there are some consistent and legitimate concerns played on many of the broken records. Sorting those out from the irritating scratches would not be an envivable job. This questionnaire thing feels like a mistake, one that is undermining the creators.  If I was them I’d be looking for another job. And, some folks NEED to stay.

I believe something happened this season that impacted what we saw on our screens. The show has taken a turn and is on a path that is far from the show I love to love.  It is a feeling, a change in attitude, and focus.  In my humble opinion, Outlander shines when it focuses on relationships.  And, that held true for this season as well.  Blood of my Blood and The Birds and the Bees were two of this season’s most well received episodes for that very reason.  I agree with fans who say that to in order to care about what happens to the characters we have to care about the characters.  As wonderful as the Cherokee village and Roger’s rescue were it was far less important than bridging differences and mending relationships in this story.  For example, just because you can write an episode of someone trekking wordlessly through a jungle doesn’t mean you should.

Character development just wasn’t up to par this season.  The Claire of the Ridge has always been my favorite Claire and after watching this season, I’ll have to reread Drums to remember why.  She seemed a faded version of the woman who finally becomes who she was meant to be.  She wasn’t the only character that was less than they should have been. Watching Fergus and Marsali I wondered why in the few minutes they were on screen their relationship was so much more dynamic and their persona so much clearer than Bree and Roger.  These two are so important to the rest of the story and they just don’t seem to be as clearly developed and/or portrayed in a way to make us care about them as major players.  I’ve written before about some choices that  I felt were a few “fatal” mistakes that have reverberated throughout the seasons: Loghaire at the witch trial and not allowing Claire to fight Jamie’s demons.  I read the explanations, but in truth Roger isn’t the beloved character he should be.  I’m hoping Roger’s leaving Bree and not choosing to come directly to River Run will not be one of those fatal mistakes that reverberate throughout the rest of the seasons. I think they dealt with those two previous mistakes as best they could and I’m hopeful that Roger and his relationship with Bree will be righted too.

I’m completely aware that I am just one more fan voice and one more opinion in the ocean that has been written about this season.  It feels ironic to find myself saying, I’m criticizing, but I truly just want the show to be better, having criticized that type of critique previously, but I truly just want the show to do better. It isn’t too late to fix what was wrong this season.  I just want to write about a show that inspires me, I want the Outlander  I wrote this about:

CHARACTER COUNTS … A REFLECTION ON

OUTLANDER EPISODE 1. 11

I was perusing Twitter on Saturday before watching Outlander episode 11 the Devil’s Mark when I came across a tweet from someone who had already watched the episode. Aside from being a little pissed that I hadn’t gotten to watch yet, I found the statement intriguing. The author said,

Because the tweet intrigued me, I re-tweeted it.  I felt my excitement to watch the episode heighten.  Had they really done it? Had they really shown Claire in all her wonderful nerve-wracken-ly principled glory?  I sure hoped so.

The episode was exciting and full of all kinds of wonderful, but per usual there was a theme that stood out for me. Character. In a real-world and TV world full of characters with ambiguous moral character, Outlander has the potential to be something different. Saturday night, I saw some of that potential realized. Our main characters had moral and ethical dilemmas that they solved in ways that have sadly become a-typical. They made selfless decisions. They did the right thing despite knowing the price they would pay would be dear.

I enjoy watching Game of Thrones, a show Outlander has been compared to. In my opinion, this comparison by journalists is weak at best and most often used by writers too lazy to look any deeper.  There seems to be a tendency among these types to latch on to what is the most “pop culture” popular thing to repeat. I have nothing against R.R. Martin or the show based on his works.  They are what they are, but what they are is a far cry from what Outlander is or tries to be.

Last years’ GOT season was full of characters acting out of warped emotions, values and needs. I don’t expect anything different this year. Lots of titillating stuff to discuss around the water cooler, but I must admit the most shocking thing about this show is how hard it is to find a redeeming character. I wish I could say this trend toward pushing the moral and ethical envelope was the exception rather than the rule on TV, but I can’t.  It is all too common.

My reaction to the GOT characters and their actions is very different from what I feel when I watch Outlander.  Folks on social media said they used a box of tissues watching this episode. This is very understandable, there is some tear-jerking stuff!  I cried some tears myself, but I came to examine my feelings a bit closer and realized there was something deeper going on here. When I watched Claire and Jamie and Ned and even Gellis make their choices, I felt a real connection. My eyes filled with tears for the human compassion I was witnessing. Our characters made unselfish choices. They made me feel proud to be human.

My Twitter author Lady Jane commented that Claire was principled to a fault. I think I understand what she means, if she meant that Claire puts herself in danger by stubbornly remaining a person who cares about others ..then yes…I agree, she does. It’s the “to a fault” part that I find myself still thinking about today. The kind of choices Claire has to make come with risk to herself and others, to say the least.  But…I resist the idea that her ethical and moral center is somehow flawed because she chose to be unselfish. I’m pretty sure Lady Jane agrees with me because she loves Claire for it. These are the character traits of the everyday hero who saves a child from drowning, pulls people from a burning car or donates an organ to a stranger.  These are the kind of people we should be admiring and celebrating.

Claire would not give false witness, even against a woman who admitted to killing her husband and even if it would save her own life. I cried bittersweet tears for Claire. Under extreme distress and pressure, betrayed by those who should have represented innocence and mercy (Leery and Father Bain) , surrounded by a sea of faces that desired to see her burn, she stayed true to herself.

Sad, but wonderful too.

She is saved at the last-minute by the zealot murderess Gellis who sets aside her own desires to help another. I cried for Gellis’ courage, for her self-sacrifice and for her wasted life.  She will not be the last person to give over her thinking and decision-making to a cause nor the last to step over a moral and ethical line for that cause.  Once again, it’s all too common.

The evening’s monumental plot twists weren’t over and neither was Claire’s decision-making.  In fact, a much harder decision awaits her upon her escape from Cranes Muir in the arms of her 18th century husband Jamie.  I’m thankful that the decisions were made back to back.  It helped the viewer understand who Claire is and that is a person who will do the right thing despite the pressure to do otherwise.  It makes her decision at the stones that much more poignant and meaningful.  She did not take the decision to leave or stay lightly. In fact, given her moral center the agonizing choice would have left her shattered. She is married to Frank and finally has an opportunity to return to him and yet,….Jamie.

The other person in this triangle  made a few difficult choices of his own. First, he decides to suspend his disbelief for her sake. If I had any disappointment in this episode it was the fact that they chose to let the audience believe that Jamie never doubted her story.  He was human, of course he did and maybe part of the reason he took her to the stones was to shatter Claire’s delusions.  In the book, when  he grabs her back from the rock it’s because she starts to go right before his eyes.  I wish they would have kept that part.  Despite his extraordinary emotional intelligence this would have seemed the more reasonable reaction to me.

And… then, the audience learns that Jamie has chosen to let Claire go. What this choice reveals about him is nothing short of staggering. This is a man of integrity. Everything he feels tells him to beg her to stay, but he chooses to let her go…why?

He now knows the truth and it cannot be ignored. There is a man…a husband … with a prior claim. Claire is the wife of another man and as a man who honors the vows spoken between two people, he must acknowledge Frank’s claim on Claire. She isn’t his wife because she is still wed to another. He must acknowledge that Claire doesn’t belong here. Her being here and with him is an unfortunate accident. She had no choice. She did what she needed to do to survive. And, after the witch trial, he knows she is a women out of her time and it will place her in danger again. She will be safer if she goes. He knows she has tried to get back to her husband and life over and over again. He will not add himself and his need of her to the equation. He loves her, so he will let her go.

I know I cried at every agonizing staggering step he took down that hill; my heart was breaking with his.

It’s a wonderful story full of redeeming characters who don’t always have to be right or have their own way.  My husband is a big fan of old TV Westerns and I think I know why. Even though I complain about their predictability the plots usually center around someone making a moral choice and often those character’s choose the self-sacrificing or ethical/moral high road. The characters learn lessons about doing the right thing for your fellow-man and having honor …like the characters in Outlander.

Somewhere, in TV and maybe our real-life culture, the idea of self-sacrifice as being a noble action has fallen away to the need for self-fulfillment at any cost.  Maybe it is because people don’t believe there is anything more to life. If that is so then I guess fulfilling your own desires at whatever the cost to others would make sense. But,  “I have to inform you, I am no of that opinion myself”.  I’m happy there is a production on TV that isn’t afraid to tell a story of people who wrestle with choices and choose kindness, honor, truth and self-sacrifice.

Looking for the show I loved…a reflection on Outlander season 4 I didn't write a reflection after season's 4 finale.  It is true that I was sick and really couldn't think clearly enough to write, but if I'm truthful with myself...a part of me really didn't want to.