#meant to queue this instead of post it lol

[nobodysuspectsthebutterfly]

#feastdance warriors assemble #genuinely such good books #crying screaming over pretty meris #quentyn #even dany jon tyrion arya and sansa all become side characters to the plot #cersei and mel are povs you're not meant to have #everyone losing agency the gash in the narrative coiling around them #tywin's dead and the body is rotting and everyone notices and it stinks #tywin and robb are both dead #daenerys is further away than ever from home #jon plays second fiddle to stannis even though he's ostensibly the real saviour #etc etc etc (via @ludcake)

this is too good to put on the darkstar shadow post but literally this. feastdance being a deconstruction of the first three books in that they are about how to survive the plot as a side character in a very liminal setting (theeeee riverlands) with the destruction at the red wedding literally ripping a gaping wound into the narrative so there’s so many dropped threads or missing foils or spiraling-out chronology all over the place. this too is a way of making the narrative feel haunted. and then you get to theon adwd asking why the fuck he’s still here when his narrative foil died two books ago. because the gods are not finished with him yet. god

[antianakin]

Also, I had another question for you, if you don’t mind giving your thoughts on it: I recently came across a post criticizing Obi-Wan and Yoda for not telling Luke that Anakin was ‘Darth Vader’: AKA: his father. And I think it’s been kind of established that they were going to tell Luke when they felt he was ready, but when things spiraled out of control at the beginning of ‘A New Hope’ that they thought it would just be too painful? And like… OBVIOUSLY they are not telling Luke he needs to kill Anakin to be cruel. They’re telling him Anakin WILL force Luke’s hand into having to defend himself because Anakin will try to slice Luke’s fucking head off. Lol.

But anyway, the reason this tumblr post I came across bothered me is because it was really vindictive and bitter in accusing Yoda… of wanting revenge. Like… saying THAT’S the reason Yoda tried to get Luke to kill Anakin. And not… idk… the fact the galaxy was on fire. 🤦‍♀️ Essentially, they admitted that what the Jedi went through was a genocide. But instead of showing SYMPATHY, they turned it around by saying that Yoda was CRUEL and demonizing him even if he DID want revenge… as a GENOCIDE victim. And it just felt… SO gross. 😭🤢 Because it was OBVIOUS what they cared about the most was Anakin’s pain in the suit and Luke’s conflict with killing Anakin. But Yoda being a GENOCIDE VICTIM meant nothing to them. And that isn’t even the REASON Yoda and Obi-Wan say Luke may have to kill Anakin! It’s because Anakin is dangerous and burning the galaxy down with Palpatine at that point in time. Essentially; they believe it’s for the greater good.

But what REALLY grinds my gears is how even if their theory about Yoda WAS true… they would demonize the GENOCIDE VICTIM over wanting justice/revenge over the actual guy who helped slaughter them. 🤦‍♀️🤢 It just… pissed me off SO much. Lol.

But anyway, you don’t have to give your thoughts if you don’t want to, but I always love hearing your take on backwards logic like this from radical Anakin/Anidala/anti Jedi fans (this was from a radical Anidala fan, which I guess makes sense now that I think about it why they didn’t care about the Jedi’s plight and just the Skywalker family’s pain).

Someone else sent me an ask about something very similar to this yesterday. My response is in the queue, so I don't want to completely overlap this. But whatever post generated these asks, I'm so glad I've curated my dash enough not to have to see it.

I think people seem to overestimate the amount of time Obi-Wan and Yoda have in which they could have told Luke about Vader.

Obi-Wan is a stranger to Luke for most of his life, something that generally gets explained away in other media as Owen not wanting Obi-Wan around, but it's not super clear in the films themselves why Obi-Wan has kept his distance for so long. But regardless, he has. And Obi-Wan DOES give Luke quite a lot of information that his aunt and uncle have been keeping from him in the immediate aftermath of them meeting in ANH. He tells him that his father was a Jedi who was "killed" by Darth Vader, and he tells him Darth Vader was his student and that Vader betrayed them all. The only thing missing is that these are the same people, but also this is their FIRST conversation about this and Obi-Wan is pretty clearly trying to gently bring Luke into this wider world he's never known and not just drop a bunch of massive bombshells on his shoulders. He's also trying to convince Luke to leave Tatooine with him, and it likely won't help to tell him that his father is a traitor who is currently still an incredible danger to him.

And then Owen and Beru die and Luke is in mourning and Obi-Wan's primary focus is on getting to Alderaan and not throwing more pressure on Luke than he can handle in a situation where he's already going to feel under a lot of pressure. And then he dies. And while Obi-Wan is occasionally able to speak to Luke after he dies, it seems to be pretty sporadic at best and he can't stick around for very long until after Luke gets to Dagobah. So his ability to have a nice long conversation about Vader is incredibly minimal.

And finally there's Luke's time on Dagobah where he does seem to have more ready access to both Obi-Wan and Yoda, but Yoda is still seeing a LOT of reasons to keep this information from Luke. Luke struggles with believing in himself, he takes a weapon into the cave, he's reckless and impulsive, etc. And there's no telling just how long the two of them have together and it's more important to get Luke as trained as possible so that he stays alive (and also so that when it IS time for him to learn this information, he can HANDLE IT).

And that's it. There's always bigger priorities and good reason for both Yoda and Obi-Wan to believe that Luke isn't quite ready to learn this given how painful of a truth it would be. And you know what? When Luke IS given this information, he nearly gives up on everything as a reaction. He wasn't ready. Yoda and Obi-Wan were right.

The other ask I answered is more about Obi-Wan telling Luke he has to prepare himself for the super likely possibility that he'll have to kill his father, so I won't go into that much here. It's weird to put accusations on Yoda since, to my memory, Yoda and Luke never HAVE a conversation about Vader, let alone one where Yoda tells Luke to kill him. Is the argument supposed to be that Yoda kept the information from Luke so that Luke would always hate Anakin and therefore be more likely to kill him?

But. Yeah. The kinder, more objective answer to this is like you said, they're preparing him for the possibility that Anakin will try to kill HIM and so he might have to defend himself. They're preparing him for the possibility that Anakin CANNOT BE SAVED because he's shown exactly no inclination to stop murdering people for the last twenty some-odd years, even when faced with people he used to claim to love. Don't lose a thousand people just to save one. If Luke refuses to do what has to be done and dies as a result (or is turned into a Sith himself), the entire galaxy suffers. Leia MIGHT be able to pick up the torch after him (although she'd never have a living master to help her train), but it would probably take YEARS before she could manage to do what Luke could not.

The more bitter answer to this from someone who's not a fan of Anakin is that Anakin deserves it. Like you said, I'm more inclined to feel sympathy for the people who are genocide victims wanting justice or even vengeance for what was done to them than I am inclined to feel sympathy for the person who committed said genocide. It's why I feel a hell of a lot more sympathy for Reva than I ever have for Anakin (Reva also stops killing people WAY earlier than Anakin and shows more empathy towards people she's not personally related to than Anakin ever does). I'm over here HOPING that suit hurts him, I HOPE that he struggles to breathe every day, I hope his breath burns in his lungs every time air is pumped into him, I hope he feels that pain every moment of every day he has to stay alive. I could not give less of a shit about Anakin's pain. It's not even just the one genocide, either. Every single clone who dies after Order 66, their enslavement and loss of what little autonomy they had, can thank Anakin for what was done to them. And then he spends over TWENTY YEARS spreading pain and destruction and death across the galaxy. There are MILLIONS of lives gone exclusively because of Anakin. Anakin is DROWNING in the blood of the people he's killed. I hope it suffocates him. Even if Obi-Wan and Yoda DID want Luke to kill his father out of vengeance, I wouldn't blame them.

So yeah. Fuck Anakin. Who gives a shit if he's in pain. Luke is so lucky he didn't have to actually get to know his complete shit heel of a father and that his primary father figures ended up being Owen, Obi-Wan, and Yoda. Imagine how awful his life would've been if he'd actually had to live with Anakin as a father at any point. Luke dodged a bullet in so many ways.

This is why I don't engage with people like that anymore. There's so little point. I'm set in my ways and opinions now for the most part and they likely are, too. Arguing with them is just going to make everybody feel worse. I'd rather stay in my corner, even if I'm ranting in that corner.

[lavender-femme]

Hey, tumblr, it’s been a while…

I’ve been wanting to come back for a while, but it’s been pretty difficult in a lot of ways. In April, a (now former) mutual accused me of some pretty egregious things that I had absolutely no part in. With these accusations, they let me know that they had essentially been surveilling me and my blog for months with an excuse of “wanting it not to be [me]” while I spent those months trying to be their friend and get to know them better.

After they accused me of these things, following threats to block me if I didn’t respond to their messages on time (I was working 40+ hours a week at the time), I felt so unsafe here in this space that was meant to be my own. All those months, I’d been assuming this was a safe person while they’d spent that time harboring unspoken suspicions, collecting “evidence” instead of communicating with me. So I went ghost mode on here… I asked them to give me space, they agreed, and then they blocked me everywhere— even Pokémon Go.

Even now, I’m nervous to come back. This person has since been terminated, but I know that they’ve remade, and I know that some of my beloved mutuals are also mutuals with them, so actually coming back and posting is nerve-wracking.

I’ve been here, though, lurking, saving drafts (so many drafts, oh my god), sending anons, and checking in on y’all. I’ve missed my mutuals and followers so much. I know this is “just a blog,” but I really care about y’all and am so grateful to those who have stuck around all these years.

So much has gone down in the past five months, and I’ll update y’all, trust. But for now, I’m gonna ease back into it all. Gonna queue up what I’ve saved to my drafts so if you see me reblogging a million posts from you from four months ago, just know it’s been a long time coming lol.

I’ve missed y’all 💖

[khajiit-reads]

Hi! Me again, I know this might be a little bit of a silly or redundant ask but I was hoping for insight/kinda a follow up question, if that's okay? I sent an ask in about wacky spirit hearing and followed the advice suggested, but my spirit hearing is still manifesting as external and I was just wondering if I could have some advice on why and what to do? Thank you! SJ she/her ✨🐺

(other ask)

Oh! I forgot to mention that you can choose the divination lol or maybe your charm set if that's available? ✨🐺 thank you

___

Well met, internet traveler! As much as I'd love to use the charm set for this reading, I can't see it working out as well for actually answering your question, but if you still want a charm reading, please feel free to return for a general charm reading into the queue.

The tool I'll be using today is Witching Hour Oracle (Samir, xe) by Lorriane Anderson and Olivia Burki.

Let's see here... we have Feeding Crows, Dance, and Cast the Circle.

Feeding Crows is the card of transformation. It's indicating that things are simply changing for you. It could be stating that this new way of hearing is simply the natural progression of skills.

Dance is freedom: It's rapture and euphoria, as well. It also speaks of self-expression. In this case, I believe it's mostly asking you to be free and accept the new way things are instead of anything else.

Cast the Circle however, I think is where some advice and clarity on why this is happening comes in. The action of casting a circle can control our abilities, keep them in-line instead of always acting and going off.

You might find benefit in using magic to try and change your skill back to internal hearing if you don't want to hear externally.

As well, Cast the Circle, to me, can be about skills and their progression - As casting a circle can make things more powerful and progressed if utilized well. This looks back onto Feeding Crows.

Overall, this might very well just be a progression that was meant to come instead of anything else. I've heard of it happening before - Peoples clair- skills begin internally before becoming external skills. Not always, but sometimes that's the progression!

Let yourself accept and be free with this new change. Regardless of what it is, it's important to accept the situation and circumstances you're in.

As a gentle notice, when it comes to externally hearing or seeing spirits, I always warn to check and make sure you're not experiencing psychosis. While I believe you absolutely can externally see/hear spirits, there is still the concern for it. But that's up to your own discernment.

— ☆ —

Thank you so much for your patience with me performing this reading.

Reviews are helpful, but optional. You can send them in this posts replies, my ask box, or in a reblog of this post. Feel free to reblog this post with your thoughts in general, or without a review.

If you feel particularly satisfied with my work, you may leave a tip in my Ko-Fi. You can also see my commissions there if you'd like to order a paid spread.

It also helps to reblog my guidelines post.

Please do not reblog this post if you are not the querent. If there’s something within the post you want, you may ask, and depending on the request, I might fulfill it! Thank you!

I hope you, and all readers, have a wonderful day!

[pdid-positivity]

I have recently been told I might be a system and PDID seems to fit what I experience decently well. With that in mind i just wanna say that being the host is very tiring. I find myself exploring this new thing about me and wishing that I have the ability to let other people take the reins for a bit instead of having to be in front all the time. Like people can cofront but they don’t seem to be able to front without me here and they seem to have to filter everything through me. the only times I can think of me not being in control of my body is if a traumatic event is actively happening. It’s just exhausting. I have to live my life and do my homework and write my essays but I am so exhausted by the prospect that I might be a system and what that means for me. I dunno where I was going with this tbh. I just want validation of my feelings I guess.

reading your ask reminded me when we were 15 years old, and recently discovered p-did as a label. a lot of the stuff you said reminds me of the mindset i was in when i was exploring my plurality. in a nice and nostalgic way, don't worry :3

being the host is so exhausting (a thankless job too, LOL), and being the host of a p-did system specifically makes it so much harder to explore one's systemhood. it is possible though! we were able to do it.

and you mentioned specifically your headmates only being able to cofront with you, and having to filter everything through you.

we've been able to get past this barrier before, and we've been able to *fully switch too. it takes a LOT of practice and trust in eachother. not just your headmates trusting you, but you trusting them. giving up front as a p-did system host can be *terrifying*, since we spend most of our lives as the one in complete control. it can manifest as an unconscious fear of losing that control too.

(*we personally prefer to function as a rarely switching system. and besides. switching takes so much more effort out of us than frequently switching systems anyways.)

only being able to switch while trauma is occurring is a VERY common experience, and is mentioned in the icd-11 entry for p-did! it has happened to us too quite a few times

it really sucks being the host sometimes. you gotta do all of the work, no breaks. crazy how singlets survive like this. crazy how i survived for so long without my headmates. even if it seems so overwhelming, i believe in you. and i believe you're doing the best you can in your situation

it can be really scary exploring your systemhood. it was fucking terrifying for me. i cried when i first heard of p-did because i was so scared that it fit my past experiences perfectly. i was scared what else it meant about me.

you seem to be in school, i don't know what grade level or if you're in college, but i'll say this: as much as you want to deep dive into exploring your system, if you're busy with schoolwork, then that should be your top priority. you can always do system stuff when you're less busy. (i have a reblogged post more in depth about this in the queue, i'll bump it to post sooner for you!)

thank you for sharing your experiences, and good luck with your system 💚

[raspberrii-soda]

i swear to god im going insane, if anyone ever happens to care about specifically the sugar rush speedway adaptations i'm making this post for them and also so i don't forget this stuff. also i just have the energy to write about the stuff today lol

Info may be incomplete because I wrote this at 2 am and set it to queue

Sugar Rush is one of the fictional games from the Disney movie Wreck-it Ralph. it's a kart racer game similar to Mario Kart, but with a sweets and candies theme. alongside other games like Fix-it Felix jr, Hero's Duty and Turbotime, this game had multiple game adaptations and related minigames. here im gonna talk about 3 adaptations: Sugar Rush Speedway, LEAP Motion Sugar Rush Speedway App and the "Baking" and "Racing" games from the Wreck-It Ralph Storybook Deluxe. i'll be ignoring the Sweet Climber minigame from the wreck it ralph app because its a simple endless jumping game.

ill try to go from my percieved idea of which one is more popular, in descending order.

Sugar Rush Speedway

if you remember having played a sugar rush game, it was probably this one. available as a browser game until it stopped being playable beyond the first map because of a game error and it was later removed somewhere in 2018.

can you still play this version of sugar rush? yeah...but not officially, it is available and fully playable on Bluemaxima's Flashpoint (god save flashpoint)

its got 4 cups, each cup being 1 track normally, in reverse and flipped. you go trough 3 laps in most of these.

it has all 10 sugar rush racers, plus you can unlock king candy trough the code KINGCANDY (wow, original) but it does not include vanellope or the recolors. there is also a lost japanese version whose only diference was that it replaced Minty Saki with Minty Sakura and the code to unlock King Candy was 7ELEVEN (lol). items work just like any common denominator kart racer, random items from an item box.

since this game was released very closely to the movie's release, some of the stuff is based on concept art and deviates from the game we see in the movie, also the graphics are a bit unpolished as it is expected for a browser game from that time, more info and images on the wiki.

Wreck-It Ralph Storybook Deluxe Games

the wreck it ralph storybook deluxe app was a paid app that, as it says, has the story of wreck it ralph in storybook form, alongside a game you can play. the app costed money and its been retired from both the play store and the app store.

is this version of sugar rush still playable? no. unless you have the app still installed on an old phone, i have the apk but it doesnt work on modern phones.

there are two "games" from the wreck it ralph storybook app, the Bake one, which corresponds to a simplified and less gimicky version of the bake-a-kart minigame, where you get to customize your kart. and the "Racing" game, which is, of course, a few sugar rush courses. 3 in this case, and 3 diferent difficulties as well.

unlike the other game, this one only has 4 of the sugar rush racers, but it also has vanellope, which automatically makes this the superiorest version of them all. in this version instead of random items you get character specific abilities.

LEAP Motion Sugar Rush Speedway

im kicking and biting and maiming and

the sugar rush speedway app for leap motion it's a purchasble app from the leap motion store, while its meant to be used with a leap motion device that tracks your hand movement it can be played without, its the same game as the browser sugar rush speedway with a few key changes: the races are only one lap, the graphics have been enhanced, and it had a bake-a-kart mode more similar to that in the movie.

is this version of sugar rush still playable? hell no, unless you had it installed previous to the shut down of the leap store.

some other changes are that king candy is no longer playable and one of the items is missing, i've only found 6 videos on youtube and a few screenshots of the game, more images and info on the wiki.

while some of the game content is out there and someone probably still has a copy, at least in my opinion, the playable game could be considered partially lost media,

[acestims]

can you answer questions 1-4 of the cpunk ask game the second?

1: whats the most recent encounter of ableism you've had, online or irl?

The other day I was getting on a bus and it was slightly too far from the curb for me to safely wheelie, and instead of getting the ramp out, the driver grabbed my wheelchair and just pushed me onto the bus??? On the upside at least it meant I didn’t pay for the journey.

2: whats the worst encounter of ableism you've had, online or irl?

One time I was in a convenience store with some friends and I was carrying a bunch of stuff for them on my lap while they went to pay. One of my friends put something else on my lap and apologised for how much I was carrying, and this person behind me in the queue (who is a complete stranger btw) says “she doesn’t mind, just pile anything onto her!” Not only was that misgendering but it made me feel like I wasn’t even human. I was so shocked by it that I couldn’t even respond, I just paid at the counter and left as quickly as possible. I wish I had responded honestly bc I hate to think of that happening to another wheelchair user.

3: whats the funniest encounter of ableism you've had, online or irl?

Probably the person in my post about having Tourettes who said I might have copper poisoning lol. It’s still an in-joke with me and my housemates to this day.

4: whats something an ableist said that stuck with you and for what reason?

Same answer as number 2 tbh, but also the various people over the past few months who have just plainly asked me “What’s wrong with you?” Not an ounce of critical thought there.

Thanks for the ask!

[wittywallflower]

For 2024 in review!

2, 7, 20, 30!

2. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year?

(not IN a fic specifically but whatev) This year i did a holiday fix challenge (Catwinter) and while I have written holiday-themed fic collections before, and used prompt lists before, I've never really done the actual challenge as part of a fandom event where i actually follow the prompt list and post the stories during the designated time with the special hashtag, I'm usually just doing my own thing on my own time and not tagging the event/prompt because i wasn't following the 'rules' after all. I'm always hesitant to commit to events like that cuz like, what if i have no inspiration and motivation to write when it comes down to it??? then i feel the lowgrade anxiety/stress of not turning my homework assignments in on time. even tho I'm a fucking 40 year old woman with a bachelor's degree who is voluntarily writing fanfic just for funsies. I fucking hate the way brains work sometimes...

Anyway the event was fun and I made myself write just the scene(s) that came to me instead of agonizing about building up some backstory to the scene, building perfect bridge scenes between disconnected bits, and fleshing it all out 'properly'. Because that tends to lead to me not finishing/posting things because it never feels like enough. But the fact is that sometimes my story was meant to be only 1.2k words and Thats Okay.

7. Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

I wrote the Catwinter fics mentioned above plus a few others for Dead Boy Detectives, a show brand new for 2024.

I also wrote my first Ted Lasso fics this year, though i have been a fan of the show since pre-2024.

20. Share your funniest line

got distracted from answering this by rereading several things, lol. no particularly good one-liners that will make any sense out of context. which is surprising to me because usually every fic has at least one line that is witty af. but here's two fun excerpts of a chapter from my Ted Lasso fic where Roy and Jamie get ready for a road trip and I think this bit is hilarious but maybe that's cuz its semi-based on semi-true events...

(for context, a minute before Jamie was joking about Roy having special mind powers):

“ Busier than usual, there’s a queue,” read the text from Roy. “Might be a while. ” Jamie grinned.  “ bet u can tell me exactly how long it will b ” he typed back “ Fuck off, I’m not clairvoyant. ”  Jamie needed to take a second to google that. Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Roy, just say ‘psychic’ like a normal person.  “ Go on n guess. If u get it right ill give u 2 song skips on the playlist ” “ Who are you, fucking Spotify? We’ll skip whatever the fuck I want to skip. ” A second later came a rare Roy Kent double text. “ Fucking fine. 24 minutes. ”  Jamie was delighted that Roy had given in and decided to play along. It wasn’t impossible to get the stodgy fucker to be silly sometimes.  “ its a bet. honored 2 b best mates with a superhero ” was accompanied by a salute emoji, several wink and silly tongue-out emojis “ Fuck off. ” Roy predictably responded.  (.............)

“Okay, now are we ready?” Roy asked again. “Yup! Oh, wait! Alllllmost, ooone sec-” Jamie stalled as he unlocked his phone and gave it a few taps. “Okay.” Jamie held up the phone where Roy could see it as a video clip began to play. The voice of Optimus Prime gave a rallying cry of “Autobots, roll out!”. And Roy had to work really fucking hard actually to resist joining in Jamie’s demented giggling.  “How long have you been waiting to do that?” Roy tried to ask as deadpan as he possibly manage. Ice cold stoicism. Jamie’s giggles continued, so Roy probably wasn’t very successful at that.  In that precise moment, an alarm went off on Jamie’s phone and that muppet face of his fucking lit up even further with glee and wonder. He started slapping Roy excitedly on the bicep and shoved the phone right up in Roy’s face, pointing at the timer app on the screen. “Psychic Grandad” was the label on a 24 minute countdown that now read 00:00. “ That’s how long i been waitin’! Oh my god, Roy!” The giggles escalated into cackles until Jamie had to take a pause and gasp for a breathe a few times before he got enough wind for another round of laughter. 

30. What would you like to write next year?

I would like to make some fucking progress on my OFMD multichaps which have languished largely untouched since 2023. Really any of my unfinished multichaps I would love to give them some attention.

The Big AmbitionTM project is the 42k words i have written (zero of these words are published anywhere) of a Modern AU Good Omens Beelzebub/Gabriel fic I wrote long before GO s2 was even a thing that might possibly exist someday. honestly its a fairly complete and pretty damn okay fic as-is, but its not Great yet, and the overachiever in me is like "you know what would really put this story over the top? Inserting some quoted lines and easter eggs and direct references to GO s2 up in this bitch." cuz it already has a bunch of similar references and lines from s1, and s1 didnt even have canon Ineffable Bureaucracy! I can't write that many words for the ship and not even mention their fucking song! but finding the lines and the more subtle references to use will require watching s2 again, probably more than once, and I've just been busy fixating on different shows

[2dkapsddr]

December 21st, 2024 (1/3) - maimai BUDDiES PLUS, Arcaea, Phigros

yeah so... i don't think i even need to start writing the post to know this one's gonna be a massive two-parter LOL . as far as i knew, today would be the last day i'd get to play this games for the year (and for quite a while after, too . not sure when i'll get the chance again...) . it was tragic, but i knew this was on the coming up for quite a while now and had already planned out what i wanted to do in advance or this special occasion. so, ignoring the impending conclusion to this arc and deciding to make the most of it instead, let's uhhhh do just that!!! a massive session full of scores across maimai, chunithm, and the other games available here, starting of course with the maimai!!!

it's near impossible to comment on every single score of this session (also given they're all kinda bad in their own ways w, you can just look at em each individually and tell), but if i had to comment on them overall? despite how bad they are objectively, they're way better scores than i could've dreamt of getting way earlier in my time playing maimai. of course, i've barely really played maimai at all (my first time playing was earlier this year at a con, after all), but even back then the best i could manage was an A on a 10... but now i'm getting those types of scores on super complex 13s? and it feels like i'm only getting better and better at reading and understanding patterns with each session... it's a beautiful thing to witness imo, and it makes my efforts to improve in this game (which is nothing like what i've played before) feel all the more meaningful . when maimai officially comes to the US, i hope to keep that streak going and to stand tall with the greats or the most dedicated of maimai players in the near future... it's a long road ahead, but i'm building my way up piece by piece... oh right, also 10K Rating Get!!!

whew...! that was a ton of maimai, but my arms and palms are screaming for a break... i still stayed in the queue, of course, but it was getting longer and longer... which meant i could get through some of my dailies for games like arcaea and proseka!!! mainly on the arcaea side though, i did get a shocker of a score without any headphones or real audio cues... a PM on Hypnotize (ETR-9+, MAX-55) as ETR PM #13!!! ...yeahyeah, i know, not my best shiny acc at all, but i have no real way to improve it in the current setting unless i try playing with my bluetooth headphones... and because shortly after, i got this . WILD ASS SCORE on Ikazuchi [FTR-10], that being... an upscore to 1 lost??? out of nowhere??? lord almighty the GCM buff is real... but again, can't close it out in my current setting :[ maybe sometime later...

oh right, i got chuni penguin through world mode just now too!!! but i need to use as few images as possible due to the image limit, so can't include it unfortunately. just know that i got it !!!! okay!!! i'm not lying!!! i would never lie!!! totally!!!

...wellll, it was my turn in maimai once again, so let's get this show back on the road and set some (debatably) cool new records!!! once again, it's nothing to really note -- it's all just AAAs and AAs on 12+s and 13s, but even that's impressive to me!! after all, i couldn't even clear any of these at one point... but to summarize, that means progress and improvement is coming along smoothly, and that's quite a good thing!!!

phigros break!!! had to show off this chart to a friend who was obsessed with TECHNOPOLIS 2085 in ongeki and chunithm, as its phigros chart was basically a recreation of the chuni chart (sorta). ...alas, i still can't really score well on this chart, but hey!!! i managed to walk away with a 911k on this chart in the end!!! not that bad for a lap play!!

aaaand wouldya look at that, i've already hit the image limit LMFAO . alright then, last two maimai scores i can share before i hit the image limit, and they're the shockingly good ones of this session!!! both were master 11+s, sure, but one was in the form of an incredible new FC on INTERNET YAMERO [Master Lv. 11+], and the other was an upscore to an S on Seishun Complex [Master Lv. 11+]!!!

aaaand that's all for this post!!! i went through the images again to make sure they were all even able to fit in one more post and No, they weren't, i was still a good 10 images over the limit LMFAO . thus, i must correct myself in saying this was going to be a two-parter, as it was now set to be a three-parter... i apologize for the inconvenience and the feed spam, but i promise that my future posts after this weekend's posts (yes, the 22nd will be a two-parter, sorry for the inconvenience wwww)

[writing-kiki]

Upped how many posts my queue posts per day because I just scrolled all the way to the end of it because I meant to post something to my sideblog instead and the date on the last post in there at current rate

Was fkn April next year

🙃🙃🙃

So we will be at 7 a day for a lil while lol

[dreaming-of-mogai]

can you double-check the IDs youre adding to your posts. on several posts (such as on the robe objectum) you've written an incorrect ID. this completely defeats the purpose of IDs, and is an act of negligence & ableism. lol?

Hey so, i have been extremely tired and i have been dealing with heavy dyslexia and amnesia recently. Sometimes people make mistakes. You could have just told me without accusing ableism and negligence.

I meant no harm by posting these with a mistake, of course I'll try to do better in the future. I run these in a queue and i thought it was paused, paused so i could edit the IDs. ( light hearted and non passive aggressive tone )

Edit: i found all the ones with errors and privated them for now until i can fix them. I'd appreciate in the future just telling me something has the wrong ID instead of jumping to conclusions. I will always try to do better and try to add ID to our creations here, and when i cannot I'll at least add that to the tags + post and tag whatever blogs are willing to help.

[a-spell-a-rebel-yell]

January 2024!!!

hello friends, i made it in time before January ends! hahaha

i got my very first GPA! and it's... drum rolls please... 3.95/4! 🎉✨ alhamdulillah if it not for Allah's numerous help, wouldn't be here 🥺 now it's time to prepare and plan and strategize for second semester and keep up with the good work!

here comes the best part of January: my coldplay Singapore trip! this trip is the first time i'm taking my sister with me as it's also her bday gift from our parents, and as you've probably guessed, i took care of everything lol even from renewing our passports to making itinerary list and public transportation route maps... but it was fun! i love making sure everything is under control 😂

but of course things don't always go by our plan because my flight to Singapore got delayed for almost four hours, and we arrived at Changi airport close to midnight. that also meant the last MRT train to city had already departed, and we were forced to take taxis. then of course yet again taxis are so hard to find it's so jarring the difference of night life in Jakarta vs Singapore lol so we had to take Grab Car ride which was a lot more expensive (S$ 32.4 or roughly 378,000 IDR! by cash!) i literally almost tried to kip a night at the airport but decided against it at the end because in the morning we have to be at the stadium 🤪 (spoiler this trip is all about rushing here and there lol) so yeah took a 13 mins car ride to our hotel and met kak Regina, my first coldplay twitter mutual i'm meeting on this trip! 12 am and exhausted from the flight, we all went to bad after a lil chit chat.

next morning is finally d-day! Jan 27th 2024 i won't forget you ever 🥺 i was gonna be super ambitious of getting barrier to the point i want to leave the hotel at 6.30 AM but you can't deceive your age lol ok well i was just so tired and i have early entry ticket anyway so i deferred a bit and went to the stadium at 8 AM instead hehe. fun part is kak Regina was told by local uncle a shorter route to reach Singapore Sportshub complex and that's the route we took, so instead of spending so much time at the MRT and walking to the station, we took a short bus ride and then walk a straight line from Geylang road to the Sportshub outer door near Nicoll Highway. surprisingly (not) i love the walking route because masyaAllah Singapore is so clean and i loooooove walkable cities it's my dream to live in one 🥺🥺🥺 we arrived at the stadium at around 8.30 AM, and of course there was no queue yet and the Kallang Wave Mall wasn't even open yet, so what did we do? sit down next to the entrance gate and enjoy the morning breeze, no pollution whatsoever... it was so calm and peaceful!

at 10 AM my sister left us to go sightseeing at Orchard rd with her friends while me and kak Regina decided to go eat breakfast at Kallang Wave Mall, to eat at this food court named My Kampung. this was the time i met three of my coldplay mutuals! one from is Sri from Pekalongan, Indonesia and two are ate Andrea and ate Abbie from the Philippines! it was nice all of us talk a lot about coldplay and lil bit of kpop, exchanged gifts, and took pics 💙 also here in this mall everywhere you look you'll find so many people coming down after finishing their workouts. again i envy Singaporeans so much they have this sports complex where you have ALL you need to accommodate their sports activities and then a living public area to shower and eat after, all connected to every line of public transportation system...

12.30 PM i left the group because i had to collect the special fabric wristband for early entry VIP ticket holders, and there was a lil queue, not much people start queueing. here i met another coldplay mutual bang Tulus from Indonesia!

(edit: 29/02/2024 - it's always the coldplay show posts that i procrastinate bc i have so many things to say YET no time to write it down!)

after getting my Kubik blue fabric wristband, came the dreaded part of going to concerts: queueing 💀 i swear to God, Singapore's temp was so hot that day, it's funny because days before it was full raining... not sure whether to be grateful or not because if it rained it'd be damp, if the sun's scorching hot we'd be sizzled. and sizzled we were! bang Tulus introduced me to his two other friends, the lovely kak Afi and bang Reza, both who have had the lucky opportunity of meeting Chris before! we set a strategy on how to get barrier, and thankfully i reserved a spot on the very front of the queue line.

4 PM, it was finally the time to enter the venue! (not yet the stadium, YES there were two different queues) and thanks to our organized strategy we got barrier when we were allowed to enter the stadium 🥺

(edit: 15/03/2024 - lol i’m buried in my assignments i’m so sorry for the very late update 😭)

barrier spot is always the best for me, though the minus point is that you don’t get the full view of everything - but i get to see Chris, Jonny, Guy, and Will sooo up close! almost got a fist bump from Jonny but his hands were too far 🥲

anyways again i can’t write down the whole story because honestly it’s an experience where i think words can’t do it justice! i just remember how much fun i have, seeing coldplay tour crews walking around (Anna Lee the tour photographer took a pic of us!!! and our pic is included in the band’s tour app gallery!!! and also Mike the camera guy he was in our section a lot hahah), the confetti cannons in front of us literally shooting hundreds of confetti into our mouth and pockets lol.

i’m always so emotional every time i get to the end of the show, listening to A Wave as the credit title rolls, seeing people leaving the stadium… listening to the studio mastered ver of it is already a tearjerker moment but hearing it live at the end of your show? man. i got so overwhelmed i think i spent a few minutes just taking it all in. trying to permanently carve the memories onto my brain. i’m so lucky i get to find happiness in everything everywhere everyone i’m so so so happy!!!

also at the end i get to meet Isha finally! we were separated at the start of the concert because she wanted a spot near A stage. we took pics with confettis and i’m sure we were one of the few who exited the stadium the last 😂 in retrospect i was one of the first to enter with my early entry ticket and the last one to leave? 😂😂 that’s so on brand of me 😆 then i went to the merch exchange spot to get the early entry special package and i’m so sad they cut off my fabric wristband! 😭 then i said goodbyes to kak Afi, bang Tulus, bang Reza… what a wholesome bunch 🥹🫶🏻

this show i’m only sad about not getting to meet Tugce (from Germany) and P’Bogey, P’Nummon, and P’Pang (from Thailand) because i was already in queue line and couldn’t get out 😭😭😭 next show i will make it through ☝🏻

11 PM, finally i went back to my hotel, the MRT was so packed i’m glad kak Regina knew a trick to make sure we don’t get stuck (from MRT Stadium you get on the train to Paya Lebar direction and drop off at the MRT Mountbatten station, then walk the rest to Geylang area it’s a straight route you won’t get lost, thank me later!) and we arrived at around 11.30.

can you believe we spent HOURS outside so we were drenched in sweat and i ordered everyone to take a shower lol and we couldn’t waste time because we have to get to the airport at 3 AM though our flight is on 7 AM (it’s our Asian blood behavior of always make sure you’re at the airport t-3 hours!!!) as the timekeeper naturally i didn’t slept at all 🤡 made sure everyone packed everything and then ordered the taxi! Isha tagged along because she didn’t want to spend more money though her flight is on 2 PM 😭

kinda a heartfelt moment when we finally part ways (kak Regina’s boarding gate is at T2, mine’s at T4, Isha’s at T3) and also thinking this is the end of such a chaotic fun messy spontaneous trip 😆 forever grateful coldplay got me into this adventure of a lifetime! my 2017 coldplay Singapore show is memorable because it’s my first but this second one… it’s so special because i get to meet so many of my best friends from all over the world 🥹

only spent less than 48 hours in Singapore but the energy i got is enough to fuel me for the second semester. my heart is so warm and full… 🫶🏻 so many things i never even imagined are happening, things i used to think can only happen in daydreams… i feel like a tide is about to turn and i’m so excited! there’s this phrase Chris wrote on his piano, “open + surrender” and it reminds me so much of the concept of tawakkul! i firmly believe in it and i’m glad i never wavered - time is indeed your best friend!

hoping for more happiness to come. see you in the next post, my friends 💙✨

[petz5]

Yeah i meant the app 😩 it's not GONE gone, like i can go to post options instead of reblogging and select queue, but it wasn't an extra step before lol it was right next to the reblog button. it looks like this for me (long pressing reblog only opens ur sideblogs)

i'm fucking sorry did tumblr hide the queue button? guess i'm literally never using it again

[lovelyossein]

collecting dad jokes right now and I found a scary joke about math, but I'm 2² to say it.

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Shinkai Tenun no Shou Voice Recording CD Track 1-5

well... even if it’s short, i managed to translate some hakuoki stuff this month though i did spend most of the month working on the case 1 yuumori case stage instead... and what a pain that was. going to be switching to hakuoki b’s log content for posts after checking what was and wasn’t translated for a while to make up the time i wasn’t really doing anything else since my queue is unfortunately non-existent... though on the upside, i think i’m doing better now. 

as always... my tl may not be 100% accurate as I don’t translate from Japanese.

enjoy :) These are from the 薄桜鬼 真改 天云之抄 録りおろしボイスCD.

Track 1

Track 2

Track 3

Track 4

Track 5

Souji’s sticks out from this group as it uses a graphic from Zuisouroku... 😅 lol. while i do like that cg, i actually don’t have the clean KW/EB CGs from his route saved in HD (or anyone’s aside from Saito’s for that matter since I didn’t transfer my save file between laptops) and since I don’t like Souji enough to speedrun through his route... I went with that as I didn’t want to reuse anything, and also didn’t think that any of the non-used CGs fit.

Also, Harada’s gave me a hard time since I had to look up just what Iyo was since I had no idea what the words used for it meant like that... glad that historical info was documented.

[thetomorrowshow]

every hand’s a winner

trust au masterlist - previous

I COME BEARING FLUFF.

also a little note: due to personal reasons, i will be stepping away from social media for an unforeseeable amount of time. because of this, fics/updates will be posted once a month on the second tuesday either until i get back or until they run out. for january expect some esh au, and the next part of hubris in february :) additionally, my queue will be posting every other day either until i get back or until my queue runs dry (unlikely, as there are close to 300 posts in it lol).

forget all that, though!!! bc i have some people being happy for you!

cw: blood and injuries

~

Scott goes home that very evening, like most of the other emperors—bar Jimmy, who is slated to stay overnight in the infirmary. They’d tried to keep Scott as well, fussing over his bloody nose and torn skin, but he’d promised to check in with the Rivendell healers at home to make sure time in the Void of the End won’t seriously affect him.

For once in his life, Scott willingly goes to the Rivendell infirmary, leaving with a couple of bandages and instructions to write down any strange symptoms.

The thing is, nobody has ever fallen into the Void before—let alone the one in the End—so there’s no way of knowing what might happen further down the road. Scott’s an anomaly of sorts, and it looks like he’s now the subject of a medical study.

He hasn’t noticed anything apart from a slight lingering dizziness, so he writes that down, feeling somewhat stupid about it being the only symptom he has to report, especially when that could be caused by a myriad of other things. It’s not like he’s never been dizzy before. He practically didn’t stop being dizzy back before he figured out how to sleep.

That night, he luckily doesn’t have to deal with his insomnia—he’s up until the sun rises meeting with various advisory groups: working out the best way to lock down Rivendell whilst still keeping trade routes open, mobilizing the layman army, and deciding how to go forward with various declarations of support for other empires. Within the night, four different ambassadors turn up to arrange an alliance, and Scott knows that his fellow emperors are awake dealing with the same things.

He doesn’t get a moment alone until well into the next day, after he has to send out a formal announcement that his and the Codfather’s betrothal is postponed until after the war (if Jimmy still wants such a relationship, of course). He can tell that many of his advisors don’t necessarily agree with this decision, but they recognize the direness of the situation (and Ilphas, Aeor bless them, defends Scott’s choice with a fervor), and allow the postponement to occur.

It’s past four in the afternoon before he finally has a moment to relax, kicking off his boots and bathing before changing from the travel clothes that he’s been wearing for almost two days straight into something clean. The sight of Jimmy’s robes in the closet next to his almost makes him cry for some reason, but he pushes past them to the back to dig out a pair of hose and a skirt, tucking an embroidered but comfortable tunic into them.

He can’t sleep.

Several months have passed since the torture of fWhip’s basement, his wounds entirely healed, but he can’t quite convince himself he’s safe to sleep alone. He really thought he’d be over it by now.

It’s no use trying, of course—after so many long hours, he doesn’t want to risk a panic attack. Instead, Scott lies in bed and just breathes, trying not to think about all the war preparations that he’s just spent hours making.

He also tries not to think about Jimmy.

That’s a whole other issue to deal with.

For a couple of minutes, he’s able to lie there in peace, shutting down any thought as soon as it breaches his mind.

Then his bedroom door opens.

Scott sits up, ready to reprimand whatever servant is entering—he’s in his private quarters, he could be without his veil—but he’s not meant to have a veil anymore, is he—

It doesn’t matter anyways, because it isn’t a servant at the door.

It’s Jimmy.

“Hey,” Jimmy waves awkwardly, slipping in and shutting the door behind him. “How—how’re you?”

Jimmy looks terrible.

Well, he looks beautiful, as per usual, but his fall through the Void has certainly taken its toll. There are bags under his eyes, his hair greasy and limp, and he walks with an unsteadiness that tells Scott he’s been experiencing the same dizziness. Most notably, his face isn’t bandaged anymore.

It had been hard to see in the End, when Jimmy’s face was pretty fairly just a mess of blood, and impossible to see when there had been bandages plastered on half his face, but it’s clear now that Jimmy’s lost almost all of the scales on his face.

They had run in patches up from his throat to the line of his jaw on both sides, some speckling across his cheeks and a handful clustered around both his mouth and eyes. Scott had always found them gorgeous, little sparkling jewels on his face that truly brought out the flecks of green in his eyes. Now there’s maybe three around his eyes, ten total over the entirety of his face. In place of all the missing scales is torn skin and scabs, blood shining on his jaw from where the scabs have split.

Scott feels a little sick looking at it. Jimmy’s throat is still wrapped in bandages, and he can see some tied around his hands, so he can only guess at how many are missing across the entirety of his body.

He’s not sure why the dressings are gone from his face, but those wounds look ripe for infection. They shouldn’t just be out in the open.

“Jimmy, where have your bandages gone?” he asks instead of replying, swinging out of bed. “You need new ones, come here.”

Jimmy follows him into the washroom that leads off from what was once their joint sitting room, fidgeting nervously with the hem of his sleeves. “They made me take them off at the door,” he explains. “To make sure it’s me, and all. It looks pretty gross, I know.”

“No, it’s not—it’s—I don’t want them getting infected, is all it is,” Scott says absentmindedly, digging through his healing chest for the proper materials. He finds a basket of bandages and a roll of gauze, which he removes and sets to the side. His hands pauses over a regen potion, glancing uncertainly at Jimmy.

Jimmy shakes his head. “No potions, doctor’s orders,” he says. “They’re afraid it won’t . . . grow back right. It’s a wait-and-see thing at the minute.”

Scott passes over the regen and the health potions, landing instead on some disinfectant ointment. He closes the chest and gestures for Jimmy to sit on it, turns away to wash his hands before twisting open the ointment.

Jimmy doesn’t sit still as he applies it, jiggling his knee and wincing and pulling back every time Scott touches him. His injuries must really hurt, then—Scott’s being as gentle as he can, barely touching his cheeks as he rubs the ointment in.

“Sorry,” he murmurs when he cleans a particularly ugly patch and Jimmy actually cries out a bit. Jimmy shakes his head, face twisted into a lopsided grimace.

“It’s fine,” he grits out. “Thanks.”

Well, it’s not as if Scott was going to let Jimmy patch himself up. He’s not sure what he’s getting thanked for.

He finishes up quickly and efficiently, hesitating at his mouth and eyes. The bandages are too blocky to work with the curves there, so he tears one up and uses the pieces to line any awkward spots.

Jimmy really doesn’t look any better once he’s done, covered in so many bits and pieces of bandages that barely any skin is showing. He forces a smile anyhow, shows Jimmy his reflection in the mirror.

Jimmy stares at himself for a long moment. “I’d laugh if I could move my mouth that much,” he comments, and the smile on Scott’s lips becomes just a bit more real. He’s making jokes. That’s got to be good.

Then Jimmy takes one of his hands, and Scott’s heart skips a beat.

“What’s this?”

Scott follows his gaze down to his hands—Scott’s knuckles have similar bandages wrapped around them.

“Same as you,” he says, flexing his wrists. “I escaped with just losing a bit of skin, fortunately.”

Jimmy nods. “Right. Scales—on a fish, perfect protection. Bit weak when you combine it with normal skin. It—it makes sense.”

“And you were in there for longer,” Scott adds. Jimmy shrugs, looking away and down. Every which way, except for back at him.

Scott leads the way back into the sitting room, gestures for Jimmy to take a seat on the sofa (it’s his favorite spot, Scott knows, the velvet of that left cushion still brushed back weird from when he’d been sitting there last). Scott almost sits in his preferred armchair, but makes a last-minute decision to sit beside Jimmy on the sofa.

They’re quiet for a moment, and it isn’t a gentle quiet, nor a comfortable one. It’s awkward, filled with tension, and Scott’s certain they keep looking at each other but never managing to catch one another’s eyes.

He’s got to say something, but all he can think about is Jimmy’s exhausted eyes, love confessions falling from bloodstained lips, impulsive kisses and a slippery grasp on his lover’s bleeding face.

He has to say something.

But Jimmy speaks first.

“I really like you,” Jimmy says, looking away, and Scott takes the moment to gaze at him, truly take in the fatigue lining his face and the droopiness of his eyelids. “I didn’t—I have for a while. Months, really. Ever since . . . I don’t know when. I just—well, I tried, that one time—” he grimaces— “I just . . . I didn’t feel worthy, I suppose, of you. You’re—Scott, you’re so perfect, always all put-together and—and rescue-y and everything, and I’m just . . . me. Gosh, I’m sorry for rambling—I really just meant to say that I like you and—and I kinda hope you like me too.”

Scott blinks.

If his heart flipped when Jimmy took his hand earlier, it’s positively doing cartwheels now.

Jimmy likes him.

And apparently, all that pining was for waste because he could’ve confessed this whole time and Jimmy would’ve reciprocated.

Scott can’t help it: he laughs. Just a little, a giggle that slips out accidentally, but it’s enough that Jimmy freezes and glances over at him, eyes terribly fearful.

Scott waves frantically, pushing closer to him. “No, no—I—I wasn’t laughing at you,” he’s quick to correct. “I was—Jimmy, I’ve liked you for ages, but I was so afraid of you rejecting me that I didn’t dare say anything. Just think what might have happened if we both actually used a bit of logic for once in our lives.”

Jimmy blinks. A surprised laugh bursts out, one that’s quickly stifled as Jimmy winces and covers his mouth. It’s really not funny—it must hurt to laugh, with his face in such a state—but Scott can’t help it. He laughs again, lightly punches Jimmy on the shoulder.

“Don’t laugh,” he reprimands, still laughing himself. “You’ll start bleeding again, and we can’t have that.”

Jimmy clearly can’t help it, his shoulders shaking as he struggles to not even smile. Scott’s smiling too, he’s gazing at Jimmy beside him as he tries not to laugh and. . . .

He’s really in love, huh? Because Jimmy’s always shone like a star, he’s always been so breathtakingly beautiful, but he’s somehow so much more so now that he’s his. Now, Scott gazes at him, wave after wave of glory hitting him like waves of heat from the sun.

He’s in love, and it’s wonderful.

“Um,” Jimmy says after a moment, and Scott realizes that not only is he staring at Jimmy, but Jimmy is staring right back.

“Sorry—” he starts to say, looking down at his hands, but Jimmy interrupts him.

“I actually—I know you’re busy, with . . . with everything going on, and I am too, but if you wanted to just have one night before all that? I’d still like to—to go stargazing with you.”

It’s wartimes. He only has the one night to offer Jimmy, and no promises for the future.

Scott smiles. “I would be honored.”

-

There’s no snow on the ground where they pick to stargaze, a stone shelf in the side of the mountain that Scott’s lain on many times past. He spreads out three blankets on top of one another and leaves a fourth bundled to the side, in case the air gets too chill.

Jimmy splays out immediately, just like how he’s always first in bed—an incredibly intimate thing for Scott to know, and something inside him seems to almost purr at the realization. Jimmy is his, and he is Jimmy’s (at least for tonight).

Scott eases himself down next to him—his lover, Jimmy’s his lover—and, in a split-second decision, shifts a bit closer so that their hips touch.

Jimmy doesn’t move away.

Scott’s heart flips a little.

Exor’s hooves, you’re acting like a teenager, he tells himself. You like him, and he likes you. Just—be normal.

He can’t be normal. There is no way he can be normal.

The world around them has been gradually growing dark the entire time they spent hiking up to here and setting up, and now it’s dark enough that Scott can barely see Jimmy’s face.

He hadn’t been able to see Jimmy’s face then, either.

He’d seen him fall.

Scott had just caught sight of it as he regained his sense of balance from the End portal. He’d looked up to find an unfamiliar island, the world surrounded by the darkness of the void, and on the other side of the island—

Even from that distance, Scott could tell that Jimmy’s fall was the most graceful he’d ever seen.

He spread his wings and took off without a second thought, abandoning the others who followed him through the portal.

He had to try. He had to.

He’d passed fWhip, who was laughing—who tried to grab him—as he went over the edge of the island.

And then, wings pulled tight to his body, nose down, he dove after Jimmy.

“Scott?”

He blinks, looks around. Jimmy’s at his side now, head propped up on his arm. Jimmy quirks an eyebrow, still barely visible. “You good? You kind of zoned out for a second there.”

Scott blinks again, looks up. The stars are starting to twinkle into vision, bright and lively, and Scott almost waves up to them.

Perhaps Jimmy doesn’t know much about elven beliefs, doesn’t know the significance of the stars. He doesn’t know that Scott could point out a dozen or two elven legends and heroes—Gelidrian, Calireth, Alinar. And others, more mundane—his parents, the nurse who had raised him, the palace guard from a mere two decades ago.

Someday, Scott knows he will join them all. Hopefully not any day soon.

“Whoa,” Jimmy whispers. Scott glances over at him, his face illuminated by the exaltation of elves. One of his hands is raised slightly. “They're so close.”

“They really are.”

They watch in silence for a while, more and more bundles of light appearing in the sky. When the entirety of the Stags is visible and bright, Scott points it out, taking Jimmy’s hand (his heart jumps, Jimmy’s his lover) to trace his fingers down the lines of stars.

“That’s the Clash of the Stags,” Scott tells him, tracing it over again. “On the left is Aeor, see His antler?”

“That’s your god, isn’t it?”

“Yes, that’s Aeor.” Scott smiles just a little bit—somehow, every time Jimmy knows something about elven history, it makes him ten times more attractive. “And then below Him and to the right is Exor, His brother.”

“I’ve heard you say his name before. Is he your god, too?”

Scott can’t help but snort. “No. Exor may be Aeor’s brother, but they don’t get along. Exor was cruel, controlled those under his domain, sacrificed the weak and oppressed the followers of Aeor. Aeor, meanwhile, ruled with kindness and respect, befitting of the last remaining gods.”

“What happened to the others?” Jimmy asks. “There are others, aren’t there?”

“Yes, we believe so. I’m sure you’ve heard Pix mention the Great Slumber?”

Jimmy nods, the movement scrunching up Scott’s sleeve. Jimmy’s so close to him, close enough that Scott can feel his every twitch and breath.

“Aeor and Exor were the only gods not to fall asleep. But when Exor became corrupted, jealous of his brother’s rule, Aeor knew He had to do something about it. So He gathered all His power and wielded it in a mighty battle against Exor—the Clash of the Stags. See how Aeor is kicking Exor down?”

Jimmy nods again. The nerves in Scott’s arm are tingling at his every touch, and he has to take a moment to swallow back the squeak that threatens to break his voice. “Um. Aeor used everything He had to seal Exor and his followers within a mountain forever,” he says, thankfully with no cracks. “Then He withdrew from the people, still hearing their prayers and granting small blessings, but separate from them. He lost much of His power in that fight, and has spent many thousands of years resting and caring for us—as any god should.”

Jimmy’s silent then, and when Scott looks over at him, he’s staring up at the sky, eyes flicking from point to point. Scott doesn’t look away, and while Jimmy’s eyes trace the stars, Scott’s eyes trace Jimmy’s face.

In the dark with the stars as their only light, the raw patches around his mouth and eyes that they hadn’t been able to bandage are invisible. The lines of exhaustion are impossible to see, as are the shadows Scott knows ring his eyes.

Instead, Scott sees the way his nose twitches. He sees long eyelashes that flutter gently. He sees golden hair that’s starting to curl around the gills, long in a way Scott’s never seen it. He sees lips that move soundlessly, lips that are looking more and more kissable by the second.

“There,” Jimmy says, and Scott pulls himself out of his reverie to follow Jimmy’s finger. Scott squints up at the sky as Jimmy traces a triangle shape out of the stars.

“That can be the mountain,” Jimmy says, sounding proud of himself. “The one that Aeor trapped them in. Do you guys know where that mountain is?”

Scott giggles a little—he can’t help it, it has to be a crime to be so cute—and traces along Jimmy’s triangle as well. It’s part of another constellation, he realizes after a moment—the Crystal of Rivendell, made up of stars of rulers who have passed on. “The mountain probably wasn’t real, Jimmy. Rivendell scholars have searched for it for literal ages, and they’ve not found evidence of it yet. Besides, I find it hard to believe that a mountain could entrap a god.”

“It was a magical mountain, you said so,” Jimmy says stubbornly. “Aeor sealed it. And I think it would be a great idea—some mountains are older than the ocean, you know, surely they have some sort of power.”

“Well, when you fight a god, trap him in a mountain and let me know how it goes.”

Jimmy laughs too, then cuts off abruptly as a cold gust of wind blows over them. He shivers, shifts close enough to Scott that he’s practically curled up in Scott’s side, head resting on his shoulder.

Scott’s certain that his heart actually stops.

Which is stupid, because—because they’ve done this before! Almost every morning, Scott wakes up pressed into Jimmy, and it’s fine. Well, it’s nerve-wracking and overwhelming and suffocating, but it’s been weeks since he last blushed and apologized, and much longer since he stopped pretending that Jimmy isn’t a very physically affectionate person. Romantic intentions or not (and now, in retrospect, Scott knows that most of them likely were romantic in some way and isn’t that something), Jimmy hugs him or leans on his shoulder on a near daily basis. This isn’t anything new.

Somehow, though, it’s the strangest sensation he’s ever known.

He’s been quiet for some time, he realizes suddenly, and before he even knows what to say he’s blurting out, “What’s your favorite constellation?”

Jimmy jerks a little bit. “What?”

“I—that’s how it started, isn’t it?” Scott says, and he just knows he’s paler than the stars right now. “You asked me what my favorite constellation is. Which one’s yours?”

Jimmy doesn’t answer immediately, pulling back a bit to gaze up at the stars properly. After a few moments, he takes Scott’s hand (the hairs on his arm stand up) and guides him up, much further to the left than the Stags. There, he traces out a strange shape—almost a lopsided rectangle, but with five sides.

Below it are two stars that are very familiar to Scott, he realizes with a jolt—

Staying up late every night—he’s just a child, he ought to be in bed, but instead he creeps over to the window and looks up at the stars.

His nurse had taught him to make a wish on the point of Aeor’s antler, and if the God was willing, his wish might come true. Scott can’t really remember where it is most of time, but he can always find those two bright stars to wish on—and that way, he would get two wishes!

He wishes twice for himself, or sometimes he uses one for Xornoth, or sometimes he uses one for his parents.

Most of the time, though, he wishes twice for himself—and he wishes for a friend.

Jimmy traces it again, the soft bandages on his knuckles rubbing against Scott’s matching set. “That one. That’s my favorite.”

“What is it?”

Jimmy’s hand falls to his side, almost in slow motion. “I don’t know,” he says, and there’s something wistful in his voice, something terribly sad. “But it feels like home.”

-

It gets too cold to stargaze, so Scott packs everything up and helps Jimmy back to the palace, flying in through his window so as not to get caught out by the guards.

And sure, it may be the beginning of the end of the world, war hovering over them like the executioner’s axe, but Scott can’t stop giggling. He and Jimmy are sneaking around like teenagers, trying to not be seen as they clamber in through his window. It’s so very cliche that he can’t help but enjoy it, can’t help but be entirely wrapped in the feeling of new love.

They both collapse onto Scott’s bed, both laughing, even though Jimmy’s covering his mouth and wincing like it hurts. He doesn’t stop, though, eyes sparkling as he snickers.

“The funny thing—the funniest part is, it’s not even funny,” Scott gasps out, and it isn’t—he thinks they’re more laughing because of the absurd pressure it is to sneak into a building that you belong in in the first place. It’s more stupid than anything—it would have been just fine to go in through the gates, really, but they’d decided to do it proper just for the fun of it.

Jimmy laughs harder at that, cutting himself off with a small “ouch!”. He presses his sleeve to his mouth for a moment before pulling it away, examining it for any blood. Apparently satisfied, he lets his arm fall and stretches out a bit.

“This was really good, Scott,” Jimmy says after a minute, and dear Aeor, even the way Jimmy says his name. . . .

“Can I kiss you?”

Scott blinks, sits up. Jimmy’s watching him, a blush spreading across what’s visible of his face. He almost looks just as surprised as Scott feels that those words fell from Jimmy’s mouth.

And really, props to Jimmy, because it’s not a bad idea. It’s a very good one, in Scott’s mind.

But they really need to talk about it first, don’t they?

Scott sits up, runs a hand through his hair. “I’d like to apologize, actually. For our first kiss.”

Jimmy frowns. “Yeah, I—it was sensory overload, yeah? I don’t think you need to apologize for that.”

“Wha—when did I say it was sensory overload?”

Jimmy sits up too, scoots along until he’s sitting beside Scott. “Well, I didn’t figure it out until today, actually. I sort of thought you hated me at first, but yesterday, when . . . and then again, earlier. You said—you’ve liked me this whole time, right?”

Scott nods.

“Right. Well, I figured if you did like me back then, you probably wanted to . . . do the whole kiss thing. And it’s really not like you to just run away like that. And I know you get sensory overload real bad sometimes, so. . . .”

Scott slides his hand toward Jimmy’s, loosely tangling their fingers together. It’s a conscious movement, one that sends nerves sparking up and down the very bones of his body.

It’s dangerously close to too much.

Yet it’s everything he’s wanted for so long.

“How about this,” Jimmy continues. “We—we’re . . . courting now, right? Um—that—that’s really nice to say—so how about we always ask first, before a kiss? And stuff like that. That way, neither of us is taken by surprise.”

Thrills go up and down every inch of Scott’s skin when Jimmy says that they’re courting, his breath stolen from his chest. They’re courting. They’re in a committed relationship. Jimmy is his, and he is Jimmy’s, and it’s true because Jimmy said so. It’s real.

“That—that sounds good,” he manages. He takes stock of himself—definitely on-edge, but he can handle one kiss. As long as they make sure it’s just one. And maybe if they do some pressure cuddling afterward.

“Can I kiss you?” Scott asks, his voice almost a whisper. What’s visible of Jimmy’s face under the bandages goes through a series of emotions—anxiety, enthusiasm, warmth, and then settling back on anxiety. He nods, a little uncertainly, and turns to fully face Scott, drawing his legs up criss-cross on the bed.

They’ve kissed three times before, but everything is different about this one.

There’s an awkward sort of lean-in, of course—the first and second times had been sudden, passionate, and the third filled with the thrill of survival. For this, they move slowly, telegraphing each movement carefully—akin to trying not to spook a wild stag, Scott thinks offhandedly.

And then their lips meet.

Scott’s always led kisses in past relationships, his lips slotted above his partner’s, but Jimmy takes the lead here, leaning up a bit to match Scott’s height—and Scott thinks he likes it. His lips are warm, far warmer than Scott’s, and wet, and so very very soft.

It’s not the burning fireworks of their first kisses, but it’s warm like a cozy evening by the fireplace—there are so many nerve endings, he can feel his shoulders start to raise at the overstimulation—and it’s Jimmy and he loves him so much and it’s overwhelming, it’s perfect, it’s underwhelming compared to the first time because Scott knows that Jimmy has very sharp teeth and knows how to use them—

But Jimmy pulls away after just a moment, their lips parting slowly, and offers a small smile. “Good?”

Scott can only manage a squeaky noise in the back of his throat, and Jimmy giggles. The sound is a little bit loud for his sensitive ears.

Scott stands and pulls off his cloak, muttering something about putting on softer clothes before ducking into his walk-in closet. He can hear Jimmy laughing behind him.

Normally Scott would consider himself the smooth one—why is he so uncollected? He can’t even find the words to make any sort of dirty jokes. Jimmy must think something’s wrong.

(And so many things are wrong, of course, but definitely not this.)

He changes into soft pajamas, emerging to find Jimmy having also changed—he’s in a loose shirt and shorts, hair mussed and occasional bandages wrapped around his arms and legs. Luckily—or unluckily, depending on how one looks at it—his face and hands had taken the brunt of the damage, only a couple of patches bandaged on his arms and even fewer on his legs. Jimmy smiles brightly when he sees Scott reenter.

“I sort of assumed I’d be staying the night. You looked overstimulated, do you need anything?”

Scott points to the bed. “Sleep?” he suggests, swallowing half of the word back. Jimmy nods, pulls back the covers.

“Do you want me on top of you?”

Scott can’t help it—he snorts. Jimmy goes totally red, sputtering incoherently.

“I—you know I—Scott!”

“Very forward, Jimmy, and on the first date too—”

“Oh, come off it!” Jimmy shakes his head, sighs, then adds, “We’ve been engaged for a while now; I don’t think it counts as a first date.”

Scott quirks a brow, and this is more familiar, this is how their banter is meant to be, flirtatious and comfortable and not at all awkward. “So you’re saying you’re open to it?”

“You are a menace,” Jimmy tells him, but he’s smiling, and it really does feel like before all of their issues. Except now Jimmy’s actually his, and the awkward dancing around each other in a newfound relationship hasn’t passed, but maybe they can become like this again soon enough.

Scott climbs into bed, turning down the lamp on his way in. He curls on his side, pulling the blankets up to his waist, his wings resting on the cushioned shelf built into his bed for this precise reason.

After a moment, the bed shakes as Jimmy climbs in beside him, then slowly, carefully, rests an arm around Scott’s waist.

“This okay?”

The weight of his arm is heavy and warm, the perfect amount of pressure, and Scott rolls to be fully on his stomach before pressing closer. When his head is up against Jimmy’s chest, and their knees are bumping at every readjustment, he nods.

He can be close to Jimmy. He doesn’t have to be self-conscious about wanting to touch him. He doesn’t have to restrain himself in private, pretend that the physical affection is all for show.

Scott moves one arm up, wrapped under Jimmy’s arm and up his back, and sighs. This is comfortable. This is right. This is real. Their bodies know how to fit together, weeks of practice in their sleep lending subconscious knowledge to Scott as he presses up against his lover, his Jimmy.

This is real, he tells himself, and it’s perfect.