#measuring and comparing love like this
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thebluebygracieabrams · 1 month ago
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reread tsoa after years and it made me cry "name one hero who was happy" "i can't" "you can't" "i will be the first. swear it" "why me?" "because you're the reason"
#BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON!!!!!#god what a fucked up thing to say i had forgotten how much i loved this scene#absolutely crazy man#you're the reason i will be the first happy hero#i don't know i feel like i got caught up in the stupid things we've made up today#situationships and casual fwbs or whatever and cribbing about not getting texts back fast enough#measuring and comparing love like this#like fuck i forgot that it isn't all that complicated actually all you have to do is make them happy#honestly i thought reading books was a childhood hobby just temporarily dragging into adulthood but#i think it's gonna be a lifelong one#maybe it's stupid to be so happy and sad over fictional worlds but I don't know it's comforting like nothing else#and i fucking love paperbacks damn i only have two tsoa was a gift which i don't even talk to her anymore so fucking ouch#but like when i start earning im going to go th#those book fair things and buy sooo many books all of them#fuck i remember when she gave it to me she said do you want evelyn hugo or tsoa i know you love them i bought them#in a fair but I dont think im gonna read them and it's your birthday i want you to have one#and i was so shocked and happy like omg you'll just give your book to me?? forever???? because i once said i liked it😭#sigh maybe it's okay i guess that we don't talk anymore it was good while we lasted and i should stop being so angry#it's on me only if i only fall for people who understand me it means they're fucked up similarly and fuck up the same way i do#she told me renegade was her favourite top song and i said me too lol it was always doomed#anyway
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77ngiez-archive · 1 year ago
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project sekai is crazy because literally every character is queer trans neurodivergent physically disabled or some combination of the above
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batsplat · 3 months ago
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#valentino's pal AND casey's fave teammate#he's kind of like a retired crime boss who's really lovely and sweet and you wouldn't know he's responsible for a dozen murders#so he manages to exist on the crossroads of going 'look at him go :)) whenever valentino does a wee bit of attempted murder#and being this chill older teammate to casey who manages to be ridiculously non-resentful of casey's success on the bike he'd developed#//#brr brr#//ht#incidentally the pool of people casey could be slandering with 'and i've never had that too much in other teammates that followed him'#+ 'they can't really compare to him' are melandri hayden dani and dovi#the easy one is melandri who is quite likely casey's least favourite premier class teammate#hayden is in an odd zone where casey has generally been very complimentary of him as a teammate but this is also... a bit odd?#because he was casey's teammate for two years so this is kinda weird to say if you think he was great?#there was a controversy mid 2010 where allegedly a comment of hayden's that it was a 'shame' for casey to leave ducati#was mistranslated to it being 'shameful' that he left. that's all i've got... i don't think it's that but you never know#i have to be real i'm not entirely sure casey noticed dovi was his teammate in 2011. certainly doesn't mention it in his autobiography#so. dani side swipe do we think? i reckon it's a dani side swipe#but also casey is wildly inconsistent with this like in 09 he said he's glad he has an american in the box now bc europeans can't cooperate#so i suppose on aggregate he's insulted all his teammates at least a little bit#he did also say he was never really worried any of them would have the measure of him over the course of a season so.#//brr brr
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torchstelechos · 11 months ago
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It must be nice to know what eldritch creature you would turn into if the world was just right and you had no help, like it must be kind of reassuring to know you'd still have your thumbs at least, in this way Siffrin is winning at life in other ways not so much
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starryjkoo · 4 months ago
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I really enjoy charts and numbers and I participate in streaming culture, but I also think ARMYs are placing too much importance in that stuff lately. Especially when it comes to BTS solo work considering they're not always projects intended to chart well (charting well is clearly a bonus for a lot of them, but not the goal). It’s kind of the same issue with ARMYs ignoring the context around why certain things chart well, or around certain achievements, or their promotions and such (solos & kpop stans obviously do this more than anyone). I’ve been following the BP members charting too because I find it interesting and it adds some interesting context/comparison to the BTS solo releases, buuuuuut being fixated on it, especially to just be nasty and antagonistic and participate in silly fanwars and dick-measuring contests (over achievements that do not belong to any of us 😭) is kind of silly at this point too. Ofc it's interesting to follow and have commentary on, not talking about people doing that, but this childish competition and the passive aggressiveness and the obsession (from some, maybe a small minority) is also tired imho. And sometimes just embarrassing. And also kind of related but that one kpop subreddit has been overtaken by Twitter ARMYs and sometimes it gives me secondhand embarrassment. I haven’t been on reddit all that much lately so it’s especially obvious now 😭
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virtuousvigil · 2 months ago
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to everyone rb’ing/commenting on my art/everyone who fav’d it on tiktok n in general all the support for my writing n art n creations the last month??? i want you to know you have rendered me into a permanent state of this:
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#txt#virgil vents#laughed my ass off bc i legit posted my speedpaint on tt (super ooc for me i never post there)#got 200 views or so and was like OHHMYHOD THATS CRAZY#goes to fyp -> scrolls 3 x -> large artists complaining about only getting 200 views#and don’t get me wrong i understand that like 200 isnt a lot by like todays social media standards#but considering for over a decade now#not even five other people have seen my art#the fact that ive gone from that to. TWO HUNDRED. seeing it in the span of like an hour#???????? hello????? thats huge#idk maybe someone else could use this reminder too so ill say it:#dont measure ur value by the numerical statistics of views or likes or rb’s#its ok to want recognition and for your work to be seen or interacted with! its ok to post/create bc u want to share it w others#but don’t get caught up in the How Many = How Much I Matter trap#the algorithm isnt made for you to feel good its made for you to compare constantly#but like… idk.#maybe its just bc im still new to posting what i make#but 200 views is a huge deal to me?#1k hits and 4 comments on ao3 is GIANT to me#like these things end up feeling small to people over time as they gain traction & i understand that#but… i think we lose our roots (& minds) sometimes trying so hard to Be Seen or Be Recognized or just. wanting to feel Good Enough.#but what you make isnt good enough bc someone else sees it as that#its good enough because it came from you! because you did it! you made it and you shared it and you drew from an experience and learned#and are sharing that with the world. and that? that is always good enough#<- idk reminders for myself obviously too but lol#it was ironic legit being like WAHHHH I GOT 200 VIEWS IM SHITTING MY PANTS to immediately#big name artist complaining about that exact amount of views lmfaoooo#like actually no im sorry fyp i dont relate to that!!! those 200 views mean everything to me! people FAVORITED IT!!!#someone commented HOLY SHIT on just my wip!!!!!!#thats??? enough for me!??? someone saw it. someone loved it. someone thought it was worth saving. someone read my words. someone commented
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nightmaresonelmstreet · 1 year ago
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The third anniversary of Rachel's death is coming up and I still don't know how I'm supposed to move on and be with someone else
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mini-games · 2 years ago
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♪ for the ask game
link to the ask game
♪ = What music the character likes
Ooh I really love video game music, and classical music!
I guess the first one is kiiinda predictable, since I'm a Mini-game NPC, but after playing violin for a while I have come to enjoy classical music a lot more. It's especially fun to play!
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enhaflixer · 4 months ago
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psh - king of tears.
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Chaebol Husband!Sunghoon | Queen of Tears AU FULL FIC
📌 summary: your marriage to park sunghoon was supposed to be a fairytale—until it wasn’t. now it’s cold stares across the dinner table, separate bedrooms in a mansion too big for the both of you, and divorce papers waiting to be signed. you were ready to walk away. he let you. so why does he look at you like he’s the one who lost everything?
word count: 20K genre: angst | slow burn | second chance romance | marriage in crisis | Queen of Tears AU | SMUT ANGST FLUFF (in that order) content warnings (explicit, minors dni!):  a marriage falling apart but neither of you can let go, divorce papers as a weapon but neither of you sign them first, staring at an empty side of the bed and pretending it doesn’t hurt, pregnancy, watching him struggle alone but being too proud to help, , high society pressure, and pretending everything is fine when it’s not, angst-heavy sex (sex while crying, sex while angry, sex while pretending it doesn’t mean anything) "we’re supposed to be over, so why are you still fucking me like you love me?" breathless, mentions of a miscarriage, desperate sunghoon (bc when he breaks, he breaks) sunghoon is sick, weak, exhausted—but still strong enough to pin you down "i don’t love you anymore." // "then stop moaning my name.", luxury penthouse sex but it’s tragic, a hand around your throat but it’s not just about control—it’s about possession, he fucks you like he’s trying to remind you who you belong to, aftercare that isn’t really aftercare bc he still won’t say he loves you,
The room is filled with laughter, delicate clinks of fine china and crystal flutes, and the low hum of a jazz quartet playing something elegant and forgettable in the background. The city’s elite have gathered here tonight—not just business moguls, but socialites, investors, and politicians, all dressed in designer labels, all engaged in carefully curated conversations.
The air is thick with power and wealth, a reminder of the world you and Sunghoon exist in. A world where appearances matter more than emotions, where a marriage is not just about love, but about status, about alliances.
You’re used to this now—the expectations, the smiles, the weight of scrutiny disguised as admiration. You’ve mastered the art of being Park Sunghoon’s wife.
Sunghoon stands beside you, dressed in a sleek black suit, looking every bit the composed, untouchable CEO that people admire and envy in equal measure. His features are as sharp as ever, but there’s something distant in his gaze, something almost clinical in the way his hand rests lightly against the small of your back.
To an outsider, it’s a gesture of affection. A claim. A reminder that you belong to each other.
To you, it’s just for show.
"Smile."
His voice is low, quiet enough that no one else hears. It’s not a request. It’s a command.
Your lips curl into something effortless, something practiced. It’s not real, but it doesn’t need to be.
"Ah, our favorite couple has arrived," a familiar voice calls from across the room.
Turning toward the source, you’re met with the warm but calculating gaze of Chairman Park, Sunghoon’s father. His mother stands beside him, dressed immaculately as always, a refined smile on her lips.
"We were wondering when you two would make your grand entrance," she says smoothly, reaching out to take your hands in hers.
Her grip is light, delicate. Deceptive.
"You look beautiful, dear," she adds, her sharp eyes scanning you from head to toe.
You already know she’s assessing. Cataloging. Comparing you to the polished, obedient daughter-in-law she expected you to be.
Sunghoon’s father, however, has other interests.
"You’re glowing tonight," Chairman Park remarks, taking a sip of his whiskey. His eyes crinkle slightly at the edges. "It must be a sign that we’ll be hearing good news soon."
You barely have time to process his words before another voice chimes in—one of Sunghoon’s aunts, a woman who has made it her life’s mission to interrogate you at every family gathering.
"Yes, yes!" she gushes, already leaning in as if she’s about to hear a confession. "It’s been what? three years since the wedding? We were just saying the other day how we still haven’t heard any news!"
There it is. The question that always comes, in one form or another.
The polite, well-mannered, socially acceptable way of asking: Why haven’t you given him a child yet?
You see it before you hear it—the way Sunghoon’s fingers tighten around his champagne flute, the subtle twitch in his jaw. But he doesn’t say anything.
Of course, he doesn’t.
So you do what you always do. You smile. You deflect. You play your part.
"Work keeps us busy," you say smoothly, taking a slow sip of champagne. "There’s still so much we want to accomplish first."
The aunt clicks her tongue, shaking her head. "Ah, but what’s all this success without a family to share it with?"
You feel it then—the weight of your in-laws’ eyes on you, the expectation pressing against your ribs like an iron cage.
Sunghoon’s mother hums, a soft, carefully measured sound. "Children bring a different kind of happiness," she says, voice light but laced with meaning. "Of course, it’s ultimately your decision… but I do hope you aren’t waiting too long."
Another aunt leans in, faux sympathy dripping from her tone. "There aren’t any problems, are there?"
It’s a dagger cloaked in silk. The insinuation. The unspoken judgment.
You don’t have to look at Sunghoon to know he’s bristling beside you. You can feel the tension in his silence.
Still, he says nothing.
The moment stretches, uncomfortable and suffocating. And then—
A soft laugh. Controlled. Collected.
Sunghoon turns his head slightly, his expression unreadable as he finally speaks.
"We appreciate your concern," he says, voice smooth as glass. "But when we have something to share, you’ll be the first to know."
There’s nothing in his tone that suggests anger, but the way his mother’s lips press together ever so slightly tells you she’s caught the warning beneath his words.
The conversation shifts, flowing into another topic, but you no longer hear it. You’re still holding your champagne flute, fingers gripping the stem a little too tightly.
Sunghoon doesn’t look at you. Not even once.
The meal is extravagant, an elaborate showcase of wealth and refinement. Each course is served with meticulous precision, arriving in waves of delicate flavors and carefully plated masterpieces. Crystal glasses remain full, refilled before they ever have the chance to empty, while waitstaff glide through the room with the kind of quiet efficiency that only comes from years of training. Around you, conversation flows as smoothly as the wine, punctuated by occasional bursts of laughter from tables where people have had just enough to drink to let their guard down.
The atmosphere is lively, engaging. A room filled with the kind of people who measure success in numbers and influence rather than in anything tangible like love or happiness.
You and Sunghoon don’t speak.
It isn’t new.
It’s been months—maybe even longer—since you’ve had a real conversation. These events used to be something you faced together, an exhausting but necessary part of maintaining appearances in your world. There was a time when he would lean in close, whisper something wry against the shell of your ear just to make you laugh, his hand resting on your thigh beneath the table as a silent reminder that, no matter how long the evening stretched, you would leave together.
Now, his presence beside you feels like nothing more than habit. The weight of expectation.
To everyone else, you are still Park Sunghoon’s wife—flawless and poised, an extension of his success, the perfect image of a woman who belongs at his side. But to each other, you are barely anything at all.
You watch as he listens intently to the conversation at hand, nodding along as one of his board members drones on about upcoming market trends. His features remain unreadable, his fingers steady as he lifts his glass to his lips, sipping at his wine without a second thought. His ability to be present yet completely unreachable is something you once admired about him. Now, it’s something that drives you insane.
At some point during the meal, while the conversation has drifted toward a discussion on recent company acquisitions, a new voice cuts through the air.
"You remember Soojin, don’t you?"
It’s not a question so much as a strategic opening, delivered with the practiced ease of a woman who knows exactly what she’s doing.
You shift slightly, already knowing where this is going before you even turn your head. Sunghoon’s mother is smiling, her expression warm and pleasant in the way that only someone raised in high society can master. It is a look that has fooled many, but not you. You’ve spent too many years in her presence to mistake it for anything but a well-placed maneuver.
Her gaze flickers toward a table across the room, drawing your attention to the woman seated there. Soojin.
She is beautiful in the way that women in your world are expected to be—polished, refined, her makeup flawless, her hair styled to perfection. The kind of woman who commands attention without even trying.
The kind of woman Sunghoon’s mother would have preferred as her daughter-in-law.
"Her father’s company just finalized a deal with ours," she continues, lifting her glass to her lips. "It’s an impressive partnership."
You say nothing.
She doesn’t need you to.
"She’s always been such a sweet girl," she adds, her smile never faltering. "Smart. Beautiful. And her family is so well-connected."
The words are light, conversational, but the weight of them is suffocating.
She doesn’t say it outright, but the message is clear.
You are not the only option.
There are women who would make the perfect Mrs. Park—women who would be better suited for the role, who would know how to uphold the family name, who would understand the responsibilities that come with being married to someone like Sunghoon.
Women who would not have made the mistakes you did.
Your grip tightens around your fork.
You keep your expression neutral, refusing to react. You won’t give her the satisfaction. You won’t let her see that the words sting in a way they shouldn’t, that they burrow beneath your skin, scraping against wounds that never quite healed.
"I’m aware," Sunghoon says, finally setting his wine glass down with deliberate ease.
Two words. Nothing more.
His mother studies him for a moment, her expression unreadable. Then she smiles again, as if the moment never happened.
The conversation moves forward.
You exhale slowly, setting your glass down, your fingers still curled around the delicate stem. No reassurance. No defense. No effort to correct what was just implied.
I’m aware.
A bitter taste lingers on your tongue, but you swallow it down, lifting your chin slightly as you redirect your attention to the meal in front of you.
You already know how this night will end. The same way it always does. With silence.
-
The moment you step inside the penthouse, the carefully constructed facade of the evening begins to crumble. The sterile glow of the overhead lights does little to ease the weight pressing against your chest, the silence between you and Sunghoon thick with something sharp, something unsaid.
You hear the quiet rustle of fabric as he shrugs off his suit jacket, draping it over the arm of a chair before undoing the first few buttons of his dress shirt. His movements are methodical, controlled, as if he’s following a script that no longer holds any meaning.
You should keep walking. You should disappear into the bathroom, wash the night off your skin, lock yourself behind a door like you have so many nights before. But instead, you linger, fingers still curled around the strap of your bag, your gaze tracing the familiar lines of his back, the tension in his shoulders.
"You didn’t say anything."
The words leave your mouth before you can stop them. Your voice is quiet, but there’s an edge to it, a challenge buried beneath the exhaustion.
Sunghoon doesn’t turn. "About what?"
You exhale sharply, shaking your head. "About what?" you repeat, laughter bubbling up, bitter and humorless. "About your mother. About your aunts. About all of them sitting there, questioning me like I’m some failed investment."
A pause.
Then, finally, he glances over his shoulder. "What did you want me to say?"
The way he says it—steady, detached, devoid of any real curiosity—makes your stomach twist.
"Anything," you say, because that’s the truth of it. You just wanted something.
His lips press together briefly before he turns back toward the dresser, rolling up his sleeves. "It wouldn’t have changed anything."
And there it is.
That unbearable indifference.
The quiet, unshaken finality of a man who has already made peace with his own silence.
It shouldn’t feel like a slap to the face, but it does.
"You never fight for anything," you whisper, voice barely audible over the hum of the city outside.
He doesn’t say a word, but you can feel it—the way his gaze trails over your bare skin, the way his fingers twitch at his sides, like he’s holding himself back.
It only takes a step. One step forward, and everything snaps.
His hands are on you before you can think—gripping your waist, pulling you flush against him, the heat of his body bleeding into yours. His mouth crashes against yours, rough, unyielding, a kiss that isn’t sweet or tender, but desperate, punishing. You gasp against him, your fingers tangling in his hair, nails scraping against his scalp as he presses you back against the dresser.
"You always do this," he mutters against your lips, his breath hot, his voice sharp. "Come to me when you need to forget."
You don’t answer.
You don’t need to.
His hands slide up your thighs, pushing them apart with ease. He’s impatient, reckless, fingers slipping beneath the lace of your panties, dragging them down before you can protest. A sharp inhale leaves your lips as he presses two fingers against your clit, circling slow, teasing, just enough to make your hips jerk forward.
"Already wet," he muses, dragging his fingers through your slick folds. His tone is mocking, but his voice is hoarse, strained. "That desperate for me?"
You bite down on your lower lip, refusing to give him the satisfaction of a response. But your body betrays you, hips rolling against his hand, chasing the friction that he’s refusing to give.
Sunghoon chuckles, but there’s no humor in it. Just something bitter, something dark.
Without warning, he presses two fingers inside you, stretching you open with a slow, deliberate pace. Your breath hitches, nails digging into his shoulders as he curls his fingers, stroking the spot that makes your knees tremble.
"You can pretend all you want," he murmurs against your throat, his lips trailing down, teeth scraping against your skin. "But your body knows who it belongs to."
His free hand moves to your chest, fingers tweaking your nipple, rolling it between his fingers before his mouth replaces them, sucking and biting at the sensitive skin. You arch into him, a whimper slipping past your lips, your thighs tightening around his wrist.
"Sunghoon," you gasp, a plea or a warning—you’re not sure.
He pulls away, his fingers slipping from you, leaving you empty and aching. Before you can protest, he turns you around, pressing your front against the cool surface of the dresser, his body crowding you from behind. His hands roam your body, over the swell of your ass, down to your thighs, spreading them apart as he presses the hard length of his cock against your heat.
You exhale sharply as he grips your hips, dragging the tip of his cock through your folds, coating himself in your slick before pressing forward. The stretch is sharp, deep, and you gasp, gripping the edge of the dresser as he sinks into you, inch by inch, filling you completely.
"Fuck," he groans, his fingers tightening against your hips, like he’s barely holding himself together. 
He gives you a second—just one—before he pulls back and thrusts into you again, setting a brutal, relentless pace. Each movement is rough, deliberate, the sound of skin against skin mixing with the soft, breathy moans slipping past your lips.
The dresser rattles beneath you, your body rocking with each thrust, and you can do nothing but take it, the pleasure sharp and consuming. Sunghoon grips your hair, pulling your head back as he leans in, his breath hot against your ear.
"Let them keep talking," he mutters, voice ragged, punctuated by the snap of his hips. 
Your breath catches, your walls clenching around him at his words.
Sunghoon lets out a low groan, his thrusts growing deeper, sharper, his fingers moving back to your clit, rubbing slow, torturous circles. The tension coils tighter, your body burning, unraveling beneath him.
"Cum," he murmurs, his voice softer now, breathless.
And you do—pleasure washing over you in waves, your thighs shaking, your moan muffled as he presses a hand against your mouth, keeping you from making too much noise.
He follows soon after, his grip tightening, his cock pulsing inside you as he groans low against your shoulder, spilling into you with a shudder.
For a moment, there is only silence.
Then, just as expected, he pulls away.
Rolls onto his back.
Says nothing.
You stare at the reflection of yourself in the dresser mirror—flushed skin, swollen lips, empty eyes. You should leave. You should.
But you don’t.
Instead, you slip beneath the covers, curling away from him, pressing your knuckles against your mouth to keep yourself from shaking.
Because tonight, at least, you don’t want to feel alone.
The morning is quiet.
You wake up to an empty bed, the sheets beside you already cold. The absence of warmth shouldn’t bother you—it hasn’t in months—but today, it does. The ache in your body from the night before lingers, a dull, throbbing reminder of something you wish you could forget.
For a moment, you stay still, staring up at the ceiling, tracing the patterns of light and shadow that spill through the curtains. The penthouse is bathed in soft gold from the rising sun, a warmth that contrasts the cold emptiness beside you.
There was a time when mornings like these meant something. When you’d wake up tangled in Sunghoon’s limbs, his fingers absentmindedly tracing patterns along your back, his lips pressing lazy kisses against your shoulder. When the weight of his body against yours felt grounding instead of suffocating.
Now, there’s nothing but space.
You take a slow breath, blinking against the dryness in your eyes before finally sitting up. The silence is deafening, the type that only exists in places too large for two people who no longer belong to each other.
When you step out of bed, your legs feel unsteady, soreness creeping up your spine. You ignore it. You move toward the bathroom, turning on the sink, splashing cold water on your face as if it’ll rinse away the heaviness in your chest. It doesn’t.
Your reflection stares back at you, eyes slightly swollen, lips faintly bruised from the way he kissed you last night. You press your fingers against them, swallowing down the memory of his touch, of the way his hands had held you so tightly as if he could keep you from slipping away.
But he didn’t.
He never could.
By the time you make your way downstairs, the smell of freshly brewed coffee lingers in the air. The sight of Sunghoon sitting at the dining table shouldn’t make your stomach tighten the way it does. He looks like he always does—effortlessly composed, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a steaming cup of coffee in one hand while his other scrolls through his phone.
Like nothing happened.
Like last night was just another night.
The illusion of normalcy almost makes you hesitate. Almost.
Instead, you step forward, setting the folder down on the glass surface of the table with a deliberate thud. The sound cuts through the silence, drawing Sunghoon’s attention as his eyes flicker up to meet yours.
He doesn’t speak, doesn’t react, just studies you for a moment before his gaze drifts downward to the document between you.
Divorce Agreement.
His fingers pause against the rim of his coffee cup.
"Where were you?," you say, your voice steady, carefully controlled.
"Work," he replies, taking a slow sip of his coffee.
You cross your arms, exhaling through your nose. "You knew this was coming." Your voice is measured, even, despite the tightness in your throat.
Sunghoon finally sets his mug down with a soft clink, his expression unreadable. "I did."
"Then sign them."
A long silence stretches between you. You hold your ground, standing tall, watching as he leans back slightly in his chair, his fingers idly tapping against the surface of the table. He doesn’t look at the papers, just at you.
"You really want this?"
The words are simple. Too simple.
You hate the way they make your stomach twist. Hate the way your throat tightens because this shouldn’t be hard. This shouldn’t be something that makes your hands curl into fists at your sides.
"Yes."
His lips press together briefly before he exhales through his nose. Without another word, he pulls the folder toward him, flipping it open, skimming the terms with the same impassive ease he applies to every contract he reviews at work.
For a second, your breath catches.
You almost expect him to argue, to fight, to say something—anything.
But he doesn’t.
Not when he turns the page. Not when his eyes flicker across the fine print. Not when he reaches for the pen beside him.
And then—
He stops.
His fingers hover over the paper, the tip of the pen barely touching the page. Then, instead of signing, he clicks the pen shut and sets it down.
The air in the room shifts. Your stomach twists.
"Not tonight." His voice is smooth, final.
You blink. "What?"
He leans back, crossing his arms over his chest, his expression completely unreadable. "I’ll think about it."
Something in your chest tightens, frustration curling in your throat. "Think about what?" You gesture to the papers between you. "This isn’t something that needs consideration, Sunghoon. This is happening. It’s already over."
His gaze darkens slightly, but his face remains composed. "Then why are you still here?"
Your breath catches.
Because you haven’t left yet. Because some part of you still needs this conversation. Because some part of you is waiting for him to say something that changes everything.
The silence stretches, heavy and unbearable. His fingers drum against the glass once, twice, before he reaches for his whiskey glass instead, taking a slow sip. His lips part slightly, as if he’s about to say something, but then he just shakes his head.
"You’ll have them back tomorrow."
But you already know—he won’t sign.
Not tomorrow. Not the next day. Maybe not ever.
 - 
Park Enterprises runs on three things: money, power, and the ability to avoid Park Sunghoon and his soon-to-be-ex-wife in the same room at all costs.
This isn’t an official company policy, but if you asked anyone—from the executives to the janitorial staff—they’d all agree: keeping their two highest-ranking officials away from each other is the best way to ensure the company doesn’t collapse in on itself.
This is why, over the past few months, a silent, unofficial, yet highly efficient system has developed.
It begins every morning.
6:45 AM: Sunghoon arrives, coffee in hand, barely glancing at the receptionist before disappearing into his office. If he sighs immediately upon entering? Bad day. If he slams his office door? Get the emergency evacuation plan ready. 7:15 AM: You arrive, headphones in, already on a call, looking like you’re mentally preparing for battle. If you greet anyone? Good day. If you walk straight to your office without making eye contact? Avoid, avoid, avoid. 7:30 AM: Your PA, Nishimura Riki, updates the "Safe Zones" list. Any floor occupied by both you and Sunghoon is immediately deemed a no-go area.
By 9 AM, the "Daily Avoidance Protocol" is in full effect.
Incoming text: 📲 [Riki → Legal Team] 🚨 Sunghoon spotted near the finance department. Legal team, take the back elevators. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT TAKE THE MAIN LOBBY.
Incoming text: 📲 [Sunoo → Executive Team] 🛑 Your boss is stomping through the 18th floor like a woman on a mission. She just told an intern to "never, ever look that stressed in front of her again" and I don’t think she was joking.
Incoming text: 📲 [Riki → Sunoo] i heard ur boss threw his pen at the wall this morning lol wtf did u do to him
[Sunoo]: nothing yet but im about to stir the pot for fun.
[Riki]: bet.
And then, of course, there’s lunch.
There used to be a time—back when things were different, when things were better—when you and Sunghoon would eat together. Now?
Now, entire lunch routes are planned out in advance to make sure the two of you never end up in the same restaurant, let alone the same hallway.
Incoming text: 📲 [Sunoo → Riki] Depressed male boss is heading toward the rooftop restaurant. tell ur people to evacuate the 10th floor cafe IMMEDIATELY.
Incoming text: 📲 [Riki → Legal Team] 🚨 ABORT. ABORT. DO NOT GO TO THE CAFÉ. I REPEAT, DO NOT GO TO THE CAFÉ.
By 3 PM, most employees think they’ve made it through the day safely. Until they check the meeting schedule. And realize. There’s a joint executive-legal meeting scheduled at 4:30 PM. Which means.
They have to be in the same room.
The boardroom at Park Enterprises is a high-stakes battlefield.
The executives and legal team are already seated, carefully keeping their faces neutral, their eyes trained on the reports in front of them. No one dares to speak. Everyone is pretending to be busy, flipping through documents they’ve already memorized just to avoid being caught in the crossfire of what is about to happen.
At one end of the table, Sunoo twirls his pen lazily between his fingers, a small, knowing smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. Across from him, Riki updates the betting pool on his phone, typing at lightning speed while shooting occasional glances toward the door.
It’s only a matter of time before the two storm fronts collide.
The first arrival is you.
You stride in with effortless confidence, shoulders squared, back straight, file in hand. Your heels click sharply against the polished floors, announcing your presence before you even reach your seat.
You don’t acknowledge Sunghoon’s presence.
Your team watches as you settle into your chair, flipping open your folder with a level of precision that makes it very, very clear you are not in the mood for incompetence today.
Riki immediately clocks the stiffness in your posture. He subtly pulls out his phone under the table, fingers flying over the screen.
📲 Incoming text: [Riki → Legal Team] boss lady is MAD mad. don’t make eye contact, stay low, survive.
Barely thirty seconds later, Sunghoon walks in.
He doesn’t look at you.
Instead, he exhales sharply as he takes his seat, flipping open his laptop with measured ease, his expression unreadable. The sound of his pen clicking open is the only thing that breaks the silence.
he just sighed. that’s a bad sign. let’s all start praying now.
For the first ten minutes, everything is fine.
Reports are reviewed, revenue projections are discussed, and for a fleeting moment, there’s the illusion of normalcy. You make your points with cool efficiency, and Sunghoon listens without interruption.
"The merger contract," one of the executives finally says, carefully glancing between the two of you like he’s about to light a match in a room full of gasoline.
You don’t hesitate. You already know where this is going.
"The terms still require legal review," you state, flipping to the necessary section in your file. "The current liability clauses remain too vague for approval."
Sunghoon doesn’t even look up from his laptop. "The legal team has had two weeks to finalize those clauses."
Your brows lift slightly. "And yet, they’re still a problem. Imagine that."
The temperature in the room drops.
Sunoo, who had been casually taking notes, suddenly stops writing. His eyes flicker between you and Sunghoon, realization dawning.
Riki, seated to your right, visibly winces. His grip on his pen tightens before it slips from his fingers and rolls off the table.
Sunghoon finally looks up, his dark eyes meeting yours with quiet intensity. "You’re delaying a time-sensitive deal over minor details."
Your lips curl, the faintest hint of amusement playing at the edges. "Minor details? You mean, like, the ones that could potentially cost us millions in damages?"
His jaw tightens. "There’s a deadline for a reason."
"And there’s a reason you need my approval before proceeding," you counter, tone perfectly composed. "Which, let me remind you, you don’t have yet."
The silence that follows is deafening.
Sunoo leans back in his chair, murmuring to Riki under his breath. "They’re fighting in full sentences today."
Riki nods slowly, still typing. "This is worse than last week’s passive-aggressive email exchange."
Sunghoon exhales sharply, sitting back in his chair. His fingers drum once—just once—against the table before he speaks again.
"Fine," he says smoothly, but his tone is sharp. "Take another day. No more than that."
You hum thoughtfully, feigning consideration as you flip another page in your file. "I’ll let you know if that’s feasible."
Sunoo, who is now openly grinning, tilts his phone toward Riki.
📲 Incoming text: [Riki → Legal Team] the CEO looks like he wants to kill someone but is trying to stay professional. ten bucks says he slams his laptop shut first.
📲 Incoming text: [Sunoo → Executive Team] LMFAO he just clenched his jaw so hard I think he cracked a tooth.
-
Your heels click against the polished floor as you walk further in the penthouse, but you don’t call out for him. You don’t need to. You already know where he is.
The scent of whiskey lingers in the air—subtle, but unmistakable. Your eyes land on Park Sunghoon, sitting on the couch in the dim light of the living room, his posture relaxed, one arm draped over the back of the cushions, his other hand resting near the glass of amber liquid on the coffee table. His tie is loose, the first few buttons of his dress shirt undone, his sleeves rolled up as if he’s been here for a while, waiting.
But that isn’t what catches your attention.
The divorce papers sit between you on the glass surface.
Untouched.
Your throat tightens as something bitter and exhausted coils low in your stomach. You set your bag down near the door with more force than necessary, the sound sharp against the silence. You’re tired—of the fights, of the push and pull, of this thing between you that refuses to die no matter how much you try to smother it.
"You haven’t signed them." Your voice is level, controlled, giving away nothing. But inside, your pulse is unsteady, your fingers curling into fists at your sides.
Sunghoon doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he reaches for his whiskey, taking a slow sip, his movements measured, deliberate. When he sets the glass back down, the faint clink against the glass table feels deafening in the quiet room. His gaze lifts to yours, dark and unreadable, his expression betraying nothing.
"No."
The single word lands between you like a gunshot.
Your fingers twitch at your sides, nails pressing into your palms as frustration flares up in your chest. "Sunghoon—"
"Say it."
His voice is quiet, but the weight of it cuts through the space between you with an edge sharper than steel.
You frown slightly, tilting your head in question. "Say what?"
His eyes remain steady on yours, holding you there, unrelenting. There’s no coldness in them, not like there usually is, but something deeper, heavier, more dangerous.
"Say you don’t love me anymore."
The air in the room thickens, growing heavy with something suffocating, unbearable.
It should be easy.
You should be able to say it, to lie through your teeth and tear the last fraying thread between you. You’ve spent months trying to unlove him, convincing yourself that walking away is the only choice left.
But the way he’s looking at you now—the way his fingers ghost over the edge of the divorce papers but never actually touch them—it makes something sink deep in your chest, twisting into something that feels like regret.
Your jaw tightens, shoulders drawing stiff, as you inhale slowly through your nose. "Don’t do this," you murmur, voice quieter now.
Sunghoon leans forward slightly, resting his forearms on his knees, the corner of his mouth curling into something resembling a smirk, but there’s no amusement behind it. "Do what?"
Your pulse hammers against your ribs as anger rises in your throat, sharp and bitter. "Pretend to care when you never did."
Something snaps.
Fast. Brutal.
Before you can react, you’re on the couch, pinned beneath him, Sunghoon’s hand wrapped around your throat.
Your breath catches as your back presses into the cushions, your pulse stuttering beneath his fingers. The grip isn’t tight—not enough to hurt—but just enough to hold you there, to remind you exactly who he is.
His face is close, too close, his breath warm against your lips, his jaw clenched so tight you can see the tension in every muscle. His gaze flickers between your eyes, searching, burning, filled with something dark and raw.
"You think I never cared?" His voice is low, rough, dangerous in a way that sends heat curling through your stomach.
Your body tenses, then melts, as his other hand trails up your thigh, fingers barely skimming your skin, teasing, not touching where you need him to.
"You think I don’t want you?" His breath is uneven now, his fingers tightening just slightly around your throat before loosening again. His thumb brushes along the side of your neck, slow, deliberate. His body is pressed against yours, solid and warm, every inch of him so close, too close, not close enough.
Your fingers wrap around his wrist, nails pressing lightly into his skin, grounding yourself, grounding him. Your breath is shaky when you speak, barely above a whisper. "I think you don’t know how to want me without ruining me."
A muscle in his jaw ticks.
For a second—just a second—he looks wrecked.
Then, his grip tightens.
Your breath stutters, a soft gasp slipping past your lips as heat pools low in your stomach. His lips brush against your ear, his voice lower now, rough, a quiet warning.
"Tell me to stop."
You should.
Sunghoon waits, his chest rising and falling in uneven breaths, his fingers tightening around your waist, his grip flexing against your throat just enough to make your pulse quicken.
"You won’t, will you?" His tone is almost amused, but there’s something darker underneath, something that sounds almost like relief.
You shake your head.
And then his lips crash into yours.
The kiss is deep, hungry, filled with everything you’ve both been pretending doesn’t exist. His hands are everywhere—gripping your hips, sliding up your sides, pulling you closer like he wants to memorize the shape of you all over again.
Your fingers tangle into his hair, nails scraping lightly against his scalp, and he groans into your mouth, his body pressing you further into the couch, his knee parting your thighs. His hands slide under your dress, rough palms trailing against your skin, teasing, making you ache.
"Still wet for me," he mutters, voice dark, breathless. His fingers slip beneath your panties, dragging over your soaked folds, slow and deliberate, just to prove his point.
You whimper against his mouth, thighs trembling as he strokes you, not giving you what you need, just teasing, just pushing you closer to the edge.
"Sunghoon," you gasp, a plea, a warning.
He smirks against your skin, lips pressing against your throat, sucking at the sensitive skin before sinking two fingers into you, curling just right.
"You hate me, remember?" His voice is taunting, wicked.
Your back arches, hips rocking against his fingers, chasing more, chasing him.
Your breath comes out in shuddering gasps as you whisper the only thing you can manage. "I hate you."
Sunghoon lets out a breathless, bitter laugh.
"Liar."
-
"That’s not how we do things at Park Enterprises, Mrs. Park," Sunghoon muses.
He leans back in his office chair, fingers tapping against the polished surface of the table. The way he says it is deliberate, lazy, like he’s testing you.
The meeting room is as usual, closer to World War 3 (total destruction edition) than a collaborative good-vibes-only space.
You still, fingers curling slightly against the stack of legal briefs in front of you. The flicker of heat that rushes through you isn’t fondness—it’s pure irritation.
"Don’t call me that." Your tone is measured, sharp.
Sunghoon’s lips twitch, but there’s no humor in his smirk. "Habit."
Your gaze hardens, your nails pressing into the contract as you slam it down in front of him.
"Then break it."
The entire room freezes.
Sunoo, seated two chairs down, makes a sound that might be a laugh but immediately covers it with a cough. Across from him, Riki subtly slides his phone out to update the betting pool on how long this fight is going to last.
The tension only thickens when Sunghoon reaches for the contract, flipping through the pages like he isn’t remotely affected. His expression is smooth, almost bored, but you don’t miss the way his jaw tightens just slightly.
"You seem invested in this," he muses, signing his name on the margin like he’s humoring you. "Why? Worried about my financial well-being?"
You exhale slowly, forcing down the irritation curling in your chest. "No. I just don’t like being dragged into your reckless decisions when you know I’ll have to clean up your mess later."
Sunghoon’s eyes flick up to yours. There’s something there, something sharp, dark, something that makes your stomach twist.
"You always do," he murmurs. "Clean up after me."
You refuse to react, refuse to let him see that he’s getting under your skin. Instead, you push back your chair, standing with a level of poise that takes effort.
"I don’t work for you, Sunghoon," you remind him, voice cold. "I work for the company."
His lips press together, but he doesn’t argue. Doesn’t tell you you’re wrong.
Because you aren’t.
📲 Incoming text: [Sunoo → Riki] he just flexed his fingers like he wanted to throw the pen LMFAO ur boss literally just called him reckless in front of the entire room. this is peak entertainment.
📲 Incoming text: [Riki → Legal Team] ceo looks ready to commit murder. we might need security.
📲 Incoming text: [Sunoo → Executive Team] he just sighed through his nose. we are in DANGER.
-
The morning sun spills into Park Enterprises, painting streaks of gold across the marble floors of the top executive offices. Everything looks pristine, polished—exactly the way Sunghoon keeps it. But today, something is off.
You push open the heavy glass door to his office without knocking, a thick stack of contracts tucked under your arm. Your heels click against the floor with precise, deliberate steps, each one punctuating the tension lingering between you.
Without hesitation, you slam the folder onto his desk.
“You’re going to sign this,” you declare, arms crossing over your chest, voice clipped, firm.
Sunghoon doesn’t respond right away.
You expect the usual pushback—some sarcastic remark, a knowing smirk, the casual dismissal of your concerns—but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he stays where he is, leaning against the edge of his desk, sleeves rolled up, tie loosened just enough to suggest exhaustion. His fingers press lightly against the smooth wood surface behind him, as if steadying himself.
He looks off.
Not tired—Sunghoon is always tired. But off.
You narrow your eyes. “What, no argument?”
He blinks at you, slowly, like it takes more effort than it should. His grip on the desk tightens briefly before he exhales, dragging a hand through his already tousled hair.
"Are you okay?" The question leaves your lips before you can stop it.
Sunghoon finally reacts, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips—small, forced. “Worried about me now?”
You scoff, rolling your eyes. “I just don’t want you dying in my office.”
He chuckles, but the sound is weak, quieter than usual. He straightens up, shifts his weight slightly, but the way he moves is wrong—like he’s trying too hard to make it look effortless.
"If I did," he murmurs, "I’d haunt you."
Normally, that would be enough to pull an eye roll out of you. Maybe even a snarky remark. But something about the way he says it makes your stomach tighten.
You watch him carefully. The way his fingers flex against the desk. The slight tension in his shoulders. The way his smirk falters at the edges.
Sunghoon has always carried himself with control—measured, deliberate, never showing a single crack in the façade. But right now, standing in front of you, he looks off balance.
The last time he looked like this, the last time he held himself together just a little too well, something had been wrong then too.
Something you didn’t realize until it was too late.
The memory presses at the edges of your thoughts, but you push it down.
“Maybe you should sit down before you do something stupid,” you mutter.
Sunghoon raises an eyebrow, clearly amused, but he does exactly that. He sinks into his chair, rolling his shoulders, letting out a slow breath before picking up the contract.
“Relax,” he says, flipping through the pages. “I’ll sign your stupid paperwork. No need to get sentimental.”
Your jaw tightens, irritation curling at the edges of your concern. “I’m not being sentimental. I just don’t want to deal with the PR disaster when you inevitably collapse.”
Sunghoon lets out a quiet huff of laughter, but the way his fingers drift to his temple, pressing lightly, does not go unnoticed. He rubs at the tension there, eyes briefly fluttering shut before he shakes his head, pushing through whatever is bothering him.
“I’m fine.”
You don’t believe him. But you don’t push. Because the last time you did, you lost.
It had been late.
Past midnight. The city outside your bedroom window was still awake, alive with light and movement, but inside, the world had gone silent.
You lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, exhaustion pressing into your chest like a weight you couldn’t lift. You weren’t crying. You had already done that. There was nothing left inside you except emptiness.
Sunghoon lay beside you.
Awake. Motionless. Silent.
His back was turned to you.
And the worst part, the part that haunted you even now, wasn’t that he hadn’t said anything.
It was that when you had reached for his hand, he had let you hold it.
But he hadn’t held yours back.
The memory lingers even as you push it away.
You watch Sunghoon as he picks up the contract, flipping through the pages with minimal interest. His fingers tighten slightly when he turns each page, like he’s holding back something.
Pain. Fatigue. Something worse.
"You look like shit," you say finally, leaning against his desk, arms crossed.
Sunghoon hums, barely glancing up. “Charming as always.”
"You should get checked out."
He snorts, shaking his head. “If I wanted medical advice, I wouldn’t take it from my ex-wife.”
"Not ex yet."
And for some reason, as you turn to leave, you can’t shake the feeling that you just missed something important.
-
The Park family never asks for favors.
Not officially, at least.
It’s always subtle, always wrapped in polite smiles and casual requests, laced with just enough manipulation to make refusal feel impossible.
Which is why you’re seated in the Park family’s private lounge, sipping tea that’s gone cold, listening to Sunghoon’s mother and his uncle discuss the delicate legal situation that has suddenly become your responsibility.
“It’s just a small thing,” his mother insists, waving a dismissive hand as though corporate fraud allegations against one of their subsidiary partners are a minor inconvenience rather than a full-blown lawsuit waiting to happen.
You keep your expression neutral, fingers laced neatly over your knee. “It’s not a small thing,” you correct evenly. “You’re looking at a serious case of financial misrepresentation, and if this isn’t handled properly, it could affect all of Park Enterprises. This isn’t something I can just sweep under the rug.”
His uncle chuckles like you’ve just told a particularly amusing joke. “Oh, we know that, dear. That’s why we’re bringing it to you.”
Dear.
You resist the urge to tense, keeping your posture composed.
Because this is what you’ve become to them.
Not a daughter-in-law. Not family.
A lawyer first, a liability second.
“You’ve always been so good at handling these sorts of things,” his mother adds, smiling that elegant, carefully practiced smile that never quite reaches her eyes. “And with your position at the company, it only makes sense for you to oversee it personally.”
Of course. Personally.
They won’t trust this kind of thing to an outsider. But they also won’t officially involve you, because that would mean compensation, responsibility, accountability.
Instead, they’ll let you handle it just enough to clean up their mess. They’ll let you do the work, bear the stress, and take the fall if things go wrong.
And Sunghoon?
Sunghoon won’t say a word.
You glance to your left, where he’s seated quietly, fingers tapping lightly against the rim of his coffee cup. He hasn’t spoken once since this conversation began.
Not to defend you. Not to refuse. Not to say anything at all.
Just… silent.
Your fingers tighten around the folder in your lap.
“I’ll review the case,” you say finally, voice clipped, controlled. “But I won’t guarantee anything.”
His mother beams, reaching forward to squeeze your hand like you’ve just agreed to Sunday brunch, not to clean up yet another one of their family’s legal disasters.
“I knew we could count on you,” she says sweetly.
Sunghoon still says nothing.
Not when his mother praises you.
Not when his uncle jokes about how lucky Sunghoon is to have married such a “resourceful” woman.
Not when the conversation finally ends, and they rise from their seats, leaving you with a stack of documents, a heavier workload, and a headache that has nothing to do with legal strategy.
It isn’t until you’re alone with him in the car, on the drive back home, that you finally let your frustration boil over.
“So that’s how this works now?” Your voice is flat, gaze fixed on the city lights outside the window. “Your family gets into trouble, and I’m the free labor you offer up to fix it?”
Sunghoon exhales, tilting his head back against the seat. “It’s not like that.”
You let out a sharp, humorless laugh. “No? Because from where I’m sitting, it sure as hell feels like it.”
His fingers flex against the steering wheel. “You’re the best lawyer they know,” he says after a beat, like that somehow makes it better. Like that somehow makes this okay.
You turn to look at him, eyes narrowing. “And that’s all I am, isn’t it?”
-
He went back after dropping you off.
His mother had barely glanced up from her tea. “She’s always been so difficult,” she sighed, setting the cup down with a delicate clink. “It would be easier if she simply cooperated without arguing every little point.”
Sunghoon’s jaw had clenched at that.
His uncle had smirked, shaking his head. “Women like her are sharp, but they forget that they’re meant to—”
“Don’t finish that sentence.”
The room had gone silent.
His uncle blinked, raising a brow. “Excuse me?”
Sunghoon had leaned forward slightly, voice measured but laced with something dangerous. “You don’t get to talk about her like that.”
His mother frowned slightly, but the warning in his expression kept her from speaking.
His uncle, however, wasn’t as quick to read the room. “She’s my niece-in-law, I can—”
“She’s not yours anything,” Sunghoon cut in, tone sharp. “And the next time you speak about her like that, you won’t like how I respond.”
His uncle had scoffed, muttering something under his breath about being too soft on a woman who clearly didn’t respect her place, but the discussion didn’t go any further.
Because Sunghoon had stood up, buttoning his suit jacket, gaze level.
“You wanted her help?” he had said coldly. “You’ll take what she’s willing to give. And if she decides she’s done dealing with your bullshit, you won’t push her. Understood?”
-
The first sign that something is wrong comes in the form of silence.
For the past few days, Sunghoon has been more irritable than usual. Not outright angry, not obviously upset, just… distant. He works longer hours, avoids unnecessary conversations, and brushes off every single instance you or his team ask if he’s okay. It’s nothing new—he’s always had a habit of overworking himself into exhaustion, pushing himself too hard, acting invincible even when he’s clearly not.
You’re used to it.
But today, something feels different.
Maybe it’s the way he barely acknowledged you in the morning meeting, his focus wavering during discussions where he’s usually sharp. Maybe it’s the way his grip tightened just slightly around his pen, like he needed to steady himself. Maybe it’s the way he looked at you—like he wanted to say something, but chose not to.
Or maybe it’s the way his entire office is empty when you pass by hours later, and his assistant, Sunoo, is nowhere to be found.
You stop in your tracks.
"Where is he?"
Riki looks up from his phone, startled by your sudden appearance at the executive floor. “Uh—meeting with finance, I think?”
You frown. “No, that ended an hour ago.”
Riki hesitates. He knows better than to lie to you. “He wasn’t looking too good earlier.”
Your stomach twists.
He’s been pushing himself too hard. You knew this would happen.
You spin on your heel, already moving before you can second-guess yourself.
When you find him, he’s exactly where you feared he’d be.
Collapsed on the floor of his office.
Sunghoon is slumped against the base of his desk, one hand still loosely gripping his chair, as if he had tried to stop himself from falling. His usually sharp, polished composure is completely gone—his dress shirt is slightly undone, his face pale, sweat beading along his brow. His breathing is shallow, his eyes half-lidded like he’s barely clinging to consciousness.
The sight of him like this—weak, vulnerable, not in control—makes something in your chest tighten painfully.
"Sunghoon," you breathe out, dropping to your knees beside him. Your hands hover over him for a second, uncertain, before you press against his shoulders, shaking him lightly. “Hey. Hey, look at me.”
His head tilts slightly, his gaze flickering to you, but it’s unfocused.
“…What are you doing here?” His voice is quiet, hoarse, like he’s barely holding onto himself.
Your heart pounds in your ears. “Shut up.” You tilt his chin up, searching his face, trying to assess just how bad this is. He’s too pale, too warm, and his breathing is far from steady.
"I’m fine," he murmurs, trying to push himself up, but his body betrays him. His limbs shake, his strength is gone, and before he can fall again, you catch him.
That’s when panic sinks in.
You barely register the way your arms tighten around him as you yell for help, your voice sharp, commanding. Within moments, Riki and Sunoo are rushing in, Sunoo already pulling out his phone to call an ambulance.
"Sunghoon, stay awake," you demand, your fingers brushing against his cheek. “Do you hear me? Stay awake.”
His lips curve slightly. Even now, he’s trying to smile.
“Bossy,” he mutters.
Your throat tightens. “Shut up and breathe.”
-
The hospital smells like antiseptic and exhaustion.
The waiting room is too bright, too cold, too suffocating. The dull hum of fluorescent lights buzzes overhead, mixing with the distant beeping of heart monitors and the low murmur of voices at the nurse’s station. You sit motionless, staring at the tiled floor, your arms crossed so tightly that your nails press crescents into your palms.
It’s been hours since they rushed Sunghoon in.
Riki and Sunoo are still here, but neither of them speaks. They hover nearby, their presence a quiet weight in the room, but they know better than to say anything. Everyone knows better than to say anything.
Finally, footsteps approach. A doctor stops in front of you, flipping through a clipboard. “Are you here for Park Sunghoon?”
Your breath catches. You rise immediately, ignoring the stiffness in your limbs. “Yes.”
“He’s stable for now,” the doctor says, voice calm and professional. “We ran some tests, but given his symptoms, this isn’t just exhaustion. He’s been dealing with this for a while, hasn’t he?”
Your stomach twists.
He’s been hiding this.
The doctor’s gaze softens slightly. “Are you his wife?”
The word cuts through you like a blade.
You swallow. Legally, yes. Emotionally? You don’t know anymore.
“Yes,” you say, the word tasting strange on your tongue.
The doctor nods. “Then I need to speak with you privately.”
-
The hospital room is suffocating.
It smells sterile, like antiseptic and something cold, something lifeless. The overhead lights cast a dim glow over everything—too bright, too harsh, too unforgiving. The heart monitor beside the bed beeps in slow, steady intervals, but Sunghoon’s breathing is anything but steady.
He looks wrecked.
His skin is too pale, washed out under the fluorescent glow. His lips are dry, colorless. There’s sweat clinging to his hairline, dampening the strands against his forehead. His fingers tremble where they rest against the blanket, curling slightly like even the fabric is too much to hold onto.
And yet, despite all of it, despite the exhaustion weighing down his body and the fever burning beneath his skin, he still looks at you with something sharp, something unyielding, when you demand the truth.
“How long have you known?”
Your voice is stretched too thin, raw from exhaustion and something deeper, something you don’t want to name.
Sunghoon exhales, closing his eyes for a second like it physically pains him to answer. When he finally does, his voice is quiet, hoarse from fatigue.
“Six months.”
The words sink into you like stones.
Your hands tighten around the metal bedrail, your grip so tight your knuckles go white. Your chest constricts, something ugly twisting inside of you, something that makes your stomach curl in on itself.
“Six fucking months?”
Sunghoon drags a trembling hand down his face, but even that looks like it takes too much effort. His body is failing him, but his voice is still there, still cutting, when he lets out a soft, bitter laugh.
“Would it have changed anything?”
Your breath catches, something sharp and painful ripping through your chest.
You let out a short, humorless laugh, something hollow and unfamiliar.
“Yes.”
Sunghoon finally looks at you, but there’s something haunted in his gaze. A long, unbearable silence stretches between you before his jaw tightens, his voice lowering, turning quiet, cutting like a blade against your skin.
“Did it change anything when I tried to hold you after we lost them?”
The air leaves your lungs.
You freeze, your entire body locking up, the grip you have on the bedrail so tight it screeches beneath your fingertips.
Sunghoon watches you carefully, but there’s no fight in his face, no anger, no bitterness.
Just exhaustion.
And pain.
Your voice barely makes it out. “You never tried.”
His breath catches.
“I did,” he murmurs, voice raw.
Your throat tightens.
“No, you didn’t.” You take a step forward, your pulse hammering, hands shaking. “You shut down. You let me—” Your breath hitches, your voice unsteady. “You let me go through it alone.”
Sunghoon doesn’t argue. He just looks away.
And that’s somehow worse.
“You acted like it never happened,” you whisper, the words barely holding themselves together. “Like they never happened.”
Sunghoon’s chest rises sharply, his fingers twitching, his breathing growing uneven again. His entire body stiffens, but he doesn’t push back.
And then, voice hoarse, shaking, wrecked,
“You think I didn’t care?”
Your hands curl into fists, but before you can say anything, before you can even process what’s happening—
Sunghoon moves too fast.
He tries to stand up, tries to close the space between you, but his body betrays him.
His IV yanks painfully, the needle shifting against his arm, and the wires attached to the monitor tangle around his wrist, pulling tighter when he moves. His breath stutters in pain, his fingers weakly gripping the sheets, but he doesn’t stop.
“Sunghoon,” you snap, eyes widening in alarm. “Sit the fuck down.”
But he doesn’t listen. He tries again to push himself up, stumbling slightly, and this time, his knees give out.
You barely catch him in time.
“Jesus Christ,” you hiss, gripping his arms as his entire weight collapses against you. His body burns under your touch, too warm, feverish, his breathing erratic. His head nearly falls against your shoulder, his body too weak to hold itself up.
His fingers clutch at the fabric of your blazer, something weak, something desperate.
And then—voice wrecked, hoarse, shaking—
“I named them.”
Your entire world tilts.
You go still.
Sunghoon doesn’t move, his forehead nearly pressed against your collarbone, his breath warm and shaky against your skin. His grip tightens, even as his body trembles.
“What?” Your voice barely makes it out, caught somewhere between disbelief and something worse.
“Every night while you were asleep next to me, I whispered their names silently. I prayed for them.”
Sunghoon exhales shakily. His legs shake beneath him, his chest heaving, his entire body drained. He’s burning up, sweat sticking to his temple, his breath shallow.
You grab him by the arms, shaking him slightly. “Say their names.”
Sunghoon winces, he shakes his head ‘no’ his face twisting like the words are physically painful to say. He exhales sharply, breath ragged.
“Say their names, Sunghoon.”
His fingers tighten around your sleeve, his whole body trembling under your touch. For a moment, he just stares at you, like saying it out loud will finally break him.
Then, barely above a whisper, like it’s being torn from him—
“Eunha and June.”
Your stomach drops.
Sunghoon exhales sharply, his entire body slumping like he just let go of something he’s been carrying for years.
“I used to imagine who they’d look like more,” he whispers, his voice so thin, so hollow. “If Eunha would have had your eyes. If June would have had my smile.”
Your throat tightens painfully.
“I wondered if they would have fought like us,” he exhales shakily, his fingers flexing around the fabric of your sleeve. “If they would have been close. If they would have had your fire. If I would have been able to protect them.”
His next breath is ragged, breaking.
“They were my girls.”
Your stomach twists.
His voice isn’t just sad. It’s grief-stricken. It’s empty.
“Mine,” he murmurs. His fingers twitch at his sides, the life draining from his voice as his chest rises and falls too quickly. “Mine and yours and no one else’s.”
A sob breaks past your lips, full and desperate and wrecked.
Before you even realize what you’re doing, you pull him in.
Sunghoon immediately folds into you, his arms wrapping around your waist weakly, his face burying itself into the crook of your neck.
He’s burning up, feverish, barely staying upright.
Your hands press into his back, feeling the too-thin frame of him, the exhaustion pulling at his body, the heat radiating off him in waves.
Neither of you speak.
For the first time in years, there is nothing left to say.
-
You wake up feeling… off.
Your neck aches, your back is stiff, and there’s a strange, rhythmic beeping that’s far too loud for this early in the morning.
It takes a second to register where you are.
The hospital.
Sunghoon.
The entire night before crashes into you all at once. The fight. His fever. The names. The fact that you never left.
Your stomach tightens. You should have left. You should have walked out the second he fell asleep. That was the plan.
And yet, somehow—you didn’t.
Before you can sit up, the door swings open.
“Well, this is unexpected.”
You jump, blinking blearily as Sunoo steps inside, two cups of coffee in hand, his eyes scanning the room with just a little too much interest.
He doesn’t immediately say something annoying, which means he’s definitely about to.
You shift in your chair, sitting up straighter, clearing your throat. “Morning.”
Sunoo doesn’t move, just looks at you. Then at Sunghoon, still asleep in the bed. Then back at you.
Finally—he lets out a small hum. “You stayed.”
It’s not judgmental. It’s not even teasing, really—just surprised. But for some reason, it makes you feel weirdly defensive.
“He had a fever,” you mutter, shifting under his gaze. “It was high. I didn’t think he should be alone.”
Sunoo nods. “Right.”
You hate how knowing he sounds.
Before you can scowl at him, Sunghoon groans, shifting slightly in the bed. His brow furrows, his body tensing for a brief moment before his eyes crack open.
And you know the exact moment he registers Sunoo’s presence—because instead of groaning in pain like a normal sick person, he exhales sharply, eyes barely open but already full of irritation.
“The fuck are you doing here?” His voice is rough, hoarse from sleep, but still so unmistakably Sunghoon that it’s almost impressive.
Sunoo lets out a small laugh, shaking his head as he grabs his own coffee. “Ah, there he is. Same old personality, even after nearly dying.”
Sunghoon barely cracks an eye open before exhaling sharply, pressing his head back against the pillow. “Go away.”
Sunoo, wisely, does not go away.
Instead, he takes a slow sip of his coffee. “I mean, technically, I work here. It’s my job to check on the CEO.” His gaze flickers toward you. “But wow. Look at this. The dedicated wife, staying by his side all night. It’s like something out of a drama.”
You groan, pressing your fingers to your temple. “Sunoo—”
“Oh, don’t worry,” he says, setting Sunghoon’s coffee on the bedside table. “I won’t tell the office too much. But, you know… people talk. Betting pools exist.”
Sunghoon slowly turns his head toward Sunoo.
And in the flattest, most deadpan voice imaginable, he says—
“You’re fired.”
Sunoo chokes on his coffee. “What?”
Sunghoon doesn’t even blink. “Pack your shit.”
“You wouldn’t survive a week without me,” Sunoo mutters, taking another sip.
Sunghoon closes his eyes, like he’s physically holding himself back from committing a crime.
You watch this exchange, unimpressed. “Are you two done?”
Sunoo gestures at Sunghoon. “Tell him. He’s the one being dramatic.”
Sunghoon’s eyes flick open again. “You barged in here at eight in the morning.”
“Nine,” Sunoo corrects. “And technically, I knocked.”
Neither of you remembers a knock.
Sunghoon takes a long, deep breath. “I still feel like shit. And the very first thing I see when I wake up is you. Running your mouth.”
Sunoo hums. “Okay, grumpy.”
Sunghoon glares.
Sunoo clears his throat, wisely changing the subject. “Anyway. You have the day off, obviously, but I have your morning reports whenever you’re—”
“I don’t care.”
Sunoo nods slowly. “Right. Well. I also have—”
“I still don’t care.”
Sunoo pauses. “…Okay, then.”
For the first time, he seems to sense that he’s overstayed his welcome. He takes a slow step toward the door, glancing between the two of you.
Then, mildly—“Try not to murder each other before lunch.”
And with that, he’s gone..
-
Sunghoon exhales sharply as he sinks into the passenger seat, eyes shut, head tilted back against the headrest. His body is still weak, and you know the car ride is taking more out of him than he’d ever admit. He doesn’t complain, though—he never does.
You keep your eyes on the road, both hands gripping the steering wheel, knuckles pressing just a little too hard against the leather. The silence stretches between you, filling the space inside the car, thick but not suffocating. Just there.
It’s not hostile. Not like before. But it’s not comfortable either.
For a while, neither of you say anything. The city blurs past in streaks of yellow streetlights and neon reflections, casting flickering shadows across Sunghoon’s face. His breathing is slow, controlled, like he’s trying not to let the exhaustion show.
But you see it.
You see the way his fingers twitch slightly against his thigh, how his jaw tenses every time you hit the smallest bump in the road. You see the way his chest rises and falls, slower than usual, deeper like he’s trying to regulate himself.
And then, finally—his voice breaks the silence.
“You don’t have to babysit me.”
It’s not sharp, not a challenge. Just… a test.
You inhale, eyes flickering toward him briefly before returning to the road. “I know.”
A pause. Then, quieter this time, a little more uncertain—“You don’t have to stay in the same house anymore.”
Your fingers tighten around the wheel, your stomach twisting in a way you don’t like.
“I know,” you say again, but this time, it sounds different. Less sure. Less like something you actually believe.
Sunghoon turns his head slightly, watching you from the corner of his eye. His expression remains unreadable, his voice careful.
“Then why are you still here?”
The traffic light ahead flicks to red. The car slows, the tires rolling to a smooth stop, but inside, everything still feels like it’s moving too fast.
You could answer honestly. You could tell him that you don’t know how to walk away from him yet, that you don’t know what the hell you’re still holding onto but you’re holding onto it anyway.
Instead, you let out a slow breath and shift slightly in your seat. “You wouldn’t last a week without me.”
Sunghoon huffs, gaze drifting back toward the windshield. “I’d last at least two.”
The corners of your lips twitch, but you press them together before the expression fully forms.
“Wanna bet?”
The breath he lets out is something close to a laugh—short, barely there, but real.
“Not really,” he mutters, exhaling through his nose.
Neither of you say anything after that.
But the silence that follows doesn’t feel as heavy as before.
-
The house is dimly lit, the soft glow from the hallway casting long shadows across the walls. The familiar scent of wood and clean linen lingers in the air, settling around you like something almost comforting, almost safe.
Sunghoon moves carefully, slower than he normally would, his fingers brushing against the wall for balance as he toes off his shoes. He doesn’t stumble, doesn’t sway, but you see the way his body holds tension—too stiff, too controlled, like he’s bracing himself.
You don’t say anything.
Not until he lowers himself onto the couch, exhaling as if just the act of standing had drained him.
“You should sit down,” you say after a moment, arms crossing over your chest.
Sunghoon huffs a quiet breath, shaking his head. “You just watched me sit down.”
You roll your eyes, stepping into the kitchen without another word. He’s impossible. He always has been. The worst part is, you let yourself care anyway.
You fill a glass with water and bring it back to the living room, setting it down in front of him before dropping into the armchair across from the couch.
Sunghoon glances at the glass, then up at you.
“You’re not gonna make me drink it, are you?” His voice is hoarse, rough from exhaustion.
“I will if you keep being difficult.”
Sunghoon exhales sharply, rubbing a hand over his face before finally—finally—grabbing the glass. He takes a slow sip, sets it back down, and leans back into the cushions.
The silence that follows is heavy, but not the kind that threatens to break.
For a few minutes, neither of you speak. The tension sits between you, waiting, stretching until you finally say—
“You need to take time off.”
Sunghoon’s brow furrows slightly, eyes still closed.
“I already did,” he mutters.
You scoff. “No, you were hospitalized. That’s not ‘time off,’ that’s your body shutting down because you refuse to take care of yourself.”
He doesn’t react at first, but you see the way his fingers flex slightly against his knee.
“I can manage,” he says, and this time, there’s an edge there.
You lean forward, resting your elbows on your knees, voice sharper now. “That’s exactly the problem, Sunghoon. You think you can manage. You think you can push through it, that it’s just something you can ignore and work around. But you can’t.”
His jaw tightens.
You exhale through your nose, hands pressing together. “The doctors literally told you what happens if you don’t take care of yourself. You might get better quickly, but if you push too hard, it’s going to get worse even faster. You don’t have the luxury of acting like this is a minor thing.”
Sunghoon shifts slightly, dragging a hand through his hair before resting his forearm against his knee. His voice is quieter when he finally speaks.
“…I know my limits.”
The words hit something raw inside you, something that has been aching for too long.
“No, you obviously don’t,” you snap, and this time, you don’t bother holding back. “You never do. You push and push until you hit a wall, and then you act surprised when your body gives out.”
Sunghoon’s fingers tighten against his knee. “I don’t need you to—”
“To what?” you interrupt, eyes burning. “To remind you? To be here because someone has to make sure you actually listen to the doctor’s advice?”
His breath catches slightly, and you hate how sickly he looks under the dim light. You hate how tired his shoulders are, how his fingers are trembling slightly against his knee, how his skin is still too pale, too warm from the fever that hasn’t fully faded yet. But most of all, you hate that he won’t just let himself rest.
You inhale, voice calmer now, but still firm. “They told you that you can’t just ‘push through’ this, Sunghoon. You’re not invincible. The whole reason you ended up in the hospital is because you ignored the symptoms for months.”
Sunghoon drags a hand down his face, exhaling sharply. “I don’t need you to remind me of what I already know.”
“Then act like you know it.”
Sunghoon leans back against the couch, his body tense, hands resting on his thighs. His gaze flickers toward the ceiling, expression unreadable.
You watch him, watch the way his shoulders rise and fall with each slow breath, the way his throat bobs slightly when he swallows.
“Are you staying in my room?”
The words are soft. Careful. Testing.
Your fingers tighten slightly against your knee. You should say no.
You should get up, go to your own room, create distance before this turns into something neither of you know how to handle.
“Just until you’re better.”
A lie. And Sunghoon knows it too. But neither of you say anything about it.
-
The room is still dark when you stir awake, the faintest trace of early morning filtering through the curtains. The air is cool, the kind of stillness that comes right before dawn, when everything feels softer—quieter.
You shift slightly under the blankets, your body slow to wake, your mind still caught in the haze of sleep.
And that’s when you feel it.
The warmth. The weight. The quiet, steady presence behind you.
Sunghoon.
Your breath catches, your body freezing for a moment as reality sets in. His arm—heavy, warm, familiar—draped loosely around your waist.
Not tight. Not pulling. Just there.
Your mind races, but your body remembers.
For a second—just a second—you don’t move.
Sunghoon’s breathing is even, deep and slow. His chest rises and falls against your back, steady, the faint warmth of his breath skimming the back of your neck.
Your stomach twists.
It’s been years since you’ve woken up like this—since you’ve felt his presence this close, this natural. And for a fleeting, dangerous moment, you let yourself sink into it, let yourself feel the way his fingers twitch slightly against the fabric of your shirt, like he’s still dreaming.
Then, suddenly—he shifts.
His body stirs, his breath hitching slightly, and you realize he’s waking up.
Panic flickers up your spine, but you keep still, barely breathing, waiting—waiting to see if he’ll pull away first.
But he doesn’t.
Sunghoon exhales softly, his fingers twitching again before his hand tightens ever so slightly around your waist.
Not intentional. Not forceful. Just… like he doesn’t want to let go yet.
Your throat tightens. It lasts a second. Maybe two.
His body tenses slightly. His fingers flex. His breath catches.
He’s awake now.
Neither of you move. Neither of you breathe too loudly.
And then, carefully—too carefully—he pulls away.
His arm lifts from your waist, the warmth of him retreating as he shifts slightly onto his back. You hear him exhale quietly, controlled.
You wait, counting the seconds, waiting for him to say something, for him to make a joke, for him to act like this didn’t just happen.
But he doesn’t. He just stays there, quiet.
And after a moment, you let out a breath of your own and shift to sit up, pulling the blanket back just enough to swing your legs over the edge of the bed.
Neither of you acknowledge it. Neither of you turn to look at each other.
It’s like it never happened. And that’s the problem.
Because it did.
And for the rest of the morning, you can still feel the lingering warmth where his arm had been.
-
You knew this was going to happen.
You knew the moment you caught a glimpse of his laptop open on the coffee table this morning, saw the unread emails stacking up, the subtle tension in his shoulders as he read through them like he wasn’t supposed to be working in the first place.
You ignored it. You let it go, for a while. But now?
Now, it’s ten at night, and Sunghoon is still sitting on the damn couch, his laptop open, fingers typing slowly, deliberately, like he’s trying to pretend he’s not as exhausted as he actually is.
You don’t let it go this time.
“You’re working.”
It’s not a question.
Sunghoon doesn’t look up. His gaze stays fixed on the screen, his fingers still tapping against the keyboard.
“It’s just an email.” His voice is calm. Too calm.
You cross your arms, leaning against the doorway, your eyes sharp.
“Didn’t we already have this argument?”
Sunghoon sighs through his nose, his jaw tightening slightly. “And yet, here we are.”
You hate how steady he sounds, how he knows exactly how to say things just to piss you off.
Your arms tighten across your chest. “We’re not doing this again.”
“Then don’t start it,” he mutters, still not looking at you.
Your patience snaps.
You step forward, standing right in front of him, blocking his view of the laptop. “Sunghoon.”
His fingers pause over the keys. His gaze lifts to yours. And the air changes.
It happens too fast, that shift in the atmosphere. The frustration, the exhaustion, the sheer stubbornness—blending into something else.
Something tense.
His eyes flicker over your face, your mouth, your throat. His voice is lower when he speaks this time. Slower. More deliberate.
“You keep saying you’re not going to argue with me.”
His fingers curl slightly against the armrest.
“And yet, you’re still here.”
Your stomach twists—not in anger, not in frustration, but in something darker, something hotter, something that you don’t want to name.
Your eyes narrow slightly, your voice sharp when you say—“Because you don’t fucking listen.”
Sunghoon tilts his head, his expression unreadable. His gaze dips, lingering on your lips for half a second too long.
Your breath comes in shorter now.
And then—slowly, carefully—he shuts his laptop. The sound of it clicking shut feels too loud in the quiet.
He leans back against the couch, arms resting on the cushions, his legs spreading just slightly, just enough to make the space between you feel smaller.
“Go on, then.”
Your pulse hammers.
Sunghoon watches you, his gaze steady, his body too relaxed, too effortless—like he’s waiting for something.
Like he wants to see what you’ll do next.
You inhale sharply, trying not to notice the way his sweatpants ride low on his hips, the way his shirt is loose enough to show a sliver of his collarbone, the way he looks completely unaffected when you’re burning.
You hate him.
You hate how good he is at this.
You take a step forward, planting your hands on the armrest, leaning in, forcing his attention back to your face.
“If you’re not going to take care of yourself,” you murmur, “then I will.”
Sunghoon exhales slowly, his jaw flexing slightly.
The tension between you pulls tighter.
He doesn’t move away. He doesn’t blink. He just sits there, waiting.
You don’t know if it’s waiting for the fight, or waiting for something else. You don’t know which one you want more.
For a second—just a second—your eyes flicker to his mouth. And you swear—you swear—his do the same.
Before either of you can do something you can’t take back—
Your phone buzzes from across the room. The moment shatters.
You inhale sharply, stepping back, hands dropping from the armrest. Sunghoon’s eyes flicker, his breath just slightly uneven now, but he doesn’t say anything.
You turn away first. You pretend your hands aren’t shaking.
You don’t look at him when you grab your phone off the counter, checking the notification even though you didn’t read a single word of it.
The moment is over. But neither of you breathe the same after that.
-
You hadn't planned for this.
You hadn't planned on seeing Sunghoon in the hallway, hadn't planned on him looking at you like that—like he was about to ruin you, like he needed to.
But the moment he stepped into your space, the moment his breath ghosted over your skin, you felt the air shift. It was thick, weighted with something that neither of you had the energy to resist anymore.
"Tell me you don’t want this." His voice is low, quiet but firm, laced with something deeper than just lust—something closer to desperation.
Instead of answering, your fingers twist into the front of his shirt and you pull him in.
Sunghoon exhales sharply, his restraint snapping the second your mouth meets his. He moves fast—too fast, like he's been starving for this, like he's afraid it'll slip through his fingers if he hesitates. His hands are on your waist, then your back, gripping at you like he's trying to memorize every inch.
The kiss is messy, uncoordinated, filled with teeth and tongues and frustration. Months of pent-up tension, of silent longing, of unsaid words spill into every movement. He presses you into the wall, hips flush against yours, and you feel it—how hard he is, how much he's holding back, how badly he wants this.
"You drive me fucking crazy," he mutters against your lips, his breath ragged.
"Then do something about it."
He groans, low and wrecked, before lifting you effortlessly, hands gripping under your thighs as he carries you through the house. He doesn’t stop kissing you—not when he stumbles slightly into a wall, not when he nearly knocks over a lamp.
You barely make it to the couch before he’s pushing you down, hovering over you, eyes dark with something too raw to name.
His hands move fast—too fast—pulling at your clothes, impatient, frantic. His fingers tremble slightly as he drags your shirt over your head, his lips instantly finding the newly exposed skin, teeth grazing, biting, soothing with his tongue.
"Fuck—" he exhales, hands gripping at your hips, his forehead pressing against your shoulder for a second. Like he's catching his breath. Like this is overwhelming him.
You tilt his chin up, forcing him to look at you.
"Sunghoon."
His eyes flicker to yours, something wrecked flashing across his face before he swallows hard, his fingers tightening on your skin.
"Say it again."
His lips ghost over your collarbone, his breath unsteady. You shudder.
"Sunghoon."
That’s all it takes. Then—his mouth is on you, his hands everywhere, his body pressing against yours like he’s trying to crawl inside your skin.
He whispers your name over and over, between gasps and curses, between kisses that feel too much like confessions.
And when he finally pushes inside you, his forehead drops to yours, his breath heavy, his voice barely above a whisper.
"I missed you. You were my life, you were my life."
It’s not just sex. It never was. It’s him finally admitting what neither of you have said out loud. And you don't stop him.
Because you missed him too.
-
The air is warm, thick with the scent of sweat and skin and something distinctly Sunghoon. His body is still pressed against yours, not with the desperation of before but with something softer, something that lingers.
Your fingers trace absentminded patterns over his back, your body still humming from him, from this, from everything.
His hand is still resting against your hip, fingers brushing against your skin, like he’s memorizing the feeling, like he’s making sure it doesn’t disappear.
You let your eyes flutter shut for a moment, exhaling slowly. You could stay like this. You could let yourself be comfortable in this silence, in the warmth of his body, in the knowledge that—for once—you both stopped fighting.
But then, he shifts slightly, pressing his forehead against your shoulder before mumbling, “We should slow down.”
Your brows pull together slightly.
Did you hear that right? You open your eyes, tilting your head to glance down at him.
"What?"
Sunghoon exhales, leaning up on one elbow, his free hand still resting on your waist, thumb rubbing lazy circles against your skin.
"I mean, we don’t have to rush this," he says, voice quieter now, more careful. His eyes flicker over your face, something unreadable in them. "I don’t want to fuck this up again."
Your breath catches slightly.
He doesn’t want this to be just about sex. He doesn’t want to let himself have you only to lose you again. He wants to be careful with you.
But you nod anyway, pretending that the way your chest tightens isn’t real. "Okay."
Sunghoon raises an eyebrow. "Okay?"
"Mhm."
Then, slowly, you shift, straddling his waist, your fingers resting lightly on his chest.
Sunghoon stills immediately.
"What are you doing?" he asks, voice cautious, his hands instinctively coming to rest on your thighs.
Sunghoon’s head falls back against the couch, his jaw clenching. He wants to argue, you can tell, but the second you grind down again, all he manages is a sharp inhale, his fingers digging into your skin.
You smirk, tilting your head.
"I thought you wanted to take things slow."
His breath shudders. His grip on you tightens. Then he laughs—low, rough, almost amazed.
"You’re a fucking menace."
You barely have time to grin before he’s flipping you over, pressing you down into the cushions, his body caging you in.
"Slow?" he repeats, voice dropping, his lips hovering over your throat.
You try to keep up the act, but your breathing is already uneven, your body reacting to him before you can think.
"Isn’t that what you wanted?" you whisper, deliberately tilting your chin up in challenge.
Sunghoon exhales sharply, his lips barely ghosting over yours.
"I changed my mind."
You barely have time to react before his hands slide down your thighs, gripping, tugging, parting you for him again.
Your breath catches.
"Sunghoon–"
"No." He shakes his head, his mouth pressing against your jaw as he smirks. "No more talking."
His fingers move lower, teasing, pressing just enough to make you gasp. And that’s when you remember—he’s still recovering. Your hand shoots out, pressing against his chest.
"Wait."
Sunghoon stills, his brow furrowing slightly, his breathing uneven.
"You’re sick," you murmur, your lips brushing against his jaw. "Let me work for it instead."
His entire body tenses.
Your hands trail down his stomach, your fingers ghosting over the waistband of his sweatpants.
"You—" he tries, but his voice is hoarse now, breathless, wrecked.
You hum, tilting your head. "What?"
His jaw flexes.
Then, without another word, he lets himself fall back against the couch. His breath comes out shaky, his head tilting back, eyes fluttering shut.
"Then work for it."
-
It’s been a month since then and Sunghoon has finally fully returned to work.
He’s doing much better now. His energy is back, his balance has improved, and for the first time in what feels like forever, he actually looks like himself again.
You’re not sure what you expected when he came back. Maybe for things to go back to the way they were before, full of sharp remarks and tension that could snap a room in half. Or maybe for things to be awkward, unspoken things lingering between you in ways that made your employees suffer secondhand stress.
But instead? No one knows what the hell is happening anymore.
Because while you and Sunghoon aren’t exactly different, something has… shifted.
The first sign of something weird happening was the lack of fighting.
A month ago, meetings with both of you in the same room meant employees visibly sweating, taking deep breaths beforehand, and updating their wills in secret.
Now?
Now, Sunghoon pulls out a chair for you before sitting down. Now, you ask his opinion instead of shutting it down immediately. Now, he actually listens when you talk.
People are concerned.
📲 [Executive Team Group Chat] 👥 Sunoo, Riki, Jungwon, Misc. Employees
🐧 Sunoo: guys. wtf is going on.🐥 Jungwon: ??? 🐧 Sunoo: i just saw boss lady n ceo actually agree on something in a meeting. no insults. no glaring. NO ONE DIED.🐱 Riki: LIAR.🐧 Sunoo: i have receipts.
(Sunoo sends a screenshot of the meeting notes. The section labeled 'Conflict Resolution' is EMPTY. Unedited. No bloodshed.)
🐥 Jungwon: I mean. That’s… good? Right? 🐱 Riki: NO IT’S NOT GOOD. THIS IS LIKE WATCHING PARENTS WHO USED TO HATE EACH OTHER BE WEIRDLY FLIRTY. I’M TRAUMATIZED. 🐧 Sunoo: EXACTLY.
📲 [Legal Team Group Chat] 👥 You, Your Team
⚖️ Paralegal #1: So uh. Boss.⚖️ Paralegal #2: What the hell is going on with you and CEO Park?⚖️ Paralegal #3: Did we miss a memo? Is this a prank? Are you sedated?
You roll your eyes, already regretting checking your messages.
📲 [You → Legal Team]: What are you talking about?
⚖️ Paralegal #2: You didn’t threaten to resign after he questioned your contract amendments today. You just. Smiled??⚖️ Paralegal #3: YOU AGREED WITH HIM ON SOMETHING. WE ALL SAW IT.⚖️ Paralegal #1: YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING HE SAID.⚖️ Paralegal #2: YOU LAUGHED, BOSS. AT HIS JOKE.⚖️ Paralegal #3: Do we need to call HR? Blink if you’re in danger.
📲 [You → Legal Team]: Go do your jobs.
It happens after a late meeting. You and Sunghoon are the last ones leaving, walking toward the elevators. Everyone else is pretending to be busy, but they’re totally watching.
The elevator doors slide open. You step inside first, then turn slightly—instinctively holding out your hand. Sunghoon takes it.
Casually. Like it’s normal. Like you always do this. And then—he laces your fingers together.
The doors slide shut.
Riki visibly short-circuits.
📲 [Executive Team Group Chat]
🐱 Riki: GUYS I JUST SAW THEM HOLD HANDS. IN THE ELEVATOR. IN PUBLIC. I NEED TO LIE DOWN. 🐧 Sunoo: Riki. Riki are you there. 🐥 Jungwon: Someone sedate him before he starts screaming. 🐧 Sunoo: THAT’S IT I’M STARTING A BETTING POOL. HOW LONG BEFORE THEY GET MARRIED (AGAIN). 🐱 Riki: I CAN’T BREATHE.
-
The company gala had been suffocating. Hours of pretending, of schmoozing, of wearing polite smiles while the weight of Sunghoon’s gaze burned against your skin the entire night. He hadn’t touched you once. Not in front of the board members, not during the champagne toast, not even when his fingers brushed against yours as he handed you a drink.
But he was watching.
And now, in the backseat of his car, that restraint is gone.
The moment the driver pulls away from the curb, Sunghoon’s hand is on your thigh, gripping—hard. His palm is warm against the skin exposed by the slit of your dress, fingers flexing like he’s holding himself back, like he’s trying to decide how far he’ll let himself go.
He doesn’t speak.
You don’t either.
Because you both know where this is going.
The city blurs past the windows, streetlights flickering across his sharp jawline, his loosened tie, the slight rise and fall of his chest as he exhales.
And then—his hand slides higher.
Your breath catches.
"You knew exactly what you were doing tonight." His voice is low, almost amused, but there’s a sharp edge to it, something dark and controlled.
You shift slightly, not moving away, letting his fingers graze the crease of your inner thigh. "I don’t know what you’re talking about."
Sunghoon exhales a short laugh, but there’s no humor in it.
His hand tightens.
"You wanted me like this, didn’t you?" His fingers ghost over your clothed core, pressing just enough to make your legs twitch. "Parading around all night in this dress, pretending you weren’t soaking through your panties while you smiled at those executives."
Your stomach flips.
You don’t respond.
Sunghoon doesn’t need you to.
Because the moment you shift your legs slightly wider—silent permission—he knows.
And that’s when he loses it.
The car jerks to a sudden stop.
The driver turns slightly. “We’re at the—”
"We won’t be long," Sunghoon interrupts smoothly, his fingers already curling around your wrist.
Then, he yanks you into his lap.
You gasp at the sudden movement, hands bracing against his chest, but he doesn’t give you a second to adjust. His mouth is on yours before you can speak, rough and claiming, all tongue and teeth.
"You’re mine," he breathes against your lips, his hands gripping your ass as he pulls you flush against him. You can feel how hard he is beneath you, his cock straining against his pants, pressing against your clothed core.
"Say it."
You bite your lip, pretending to consider, just to piss him off. "Make me."
Sunghoon growls, his fingers twisting into your hair as he yanks your head back, exposing your throat. His mouth is on you immediately, biting, sucking, marking.
"My wife thinks she’s a fucking tease." His lips drag against your pulse, his voice dark, edged with something dangerous. "That’s cute."
His hands slide up your thighs, bunching your dress up to your hips. When his fingers hook into the waistband of your panties, he doesn’t bother taking them off. He just pulls, fabric tearing effortlessly in his grip.
"Sunghoon—"
"Shut up."
His hand moves between your legs, fingers dragging through your slick folds. He groans, his forehead pressing against your shoulder for half a second, like he’s barely holding himself together.
"You’re fucking soaked." His fingers circle your clit, slow, teasing, deliberate. "You really get off on being treated like a brat, don’t you?"
Your breath stutters. You hate how much his words affect you.
But Sunghoon notices.
He always does.
His free hand slides up your back, gripping the back of your neck before wrapping around your throat. He squeezes—not enough to cut off your air, but enough to make your pulse stutter beneath his fingers.
"Answer me."
You swallow, the pressure of his grip making your head spin.
"I—" Your voice catches when he presses down on your clit at the same time, two fingers slipping inside you. Your body jolts at the stretch, at the pressure, at the way he fills you without hesitation.
"That’s what I thought," he murmurs, his mouth brushing against your ear. "Always such a fucking mess for me."
His fingers work you open too fast, too rough, curling against the spot that makes you see stars. Your hips roll against his hand, chasing it, and Sunghoon laughs—low and wrecked.
"That desperate already?"
You don’t get a chance to respond before he’s flipping you onto your back, pressing you down against the leather seat.
Your head spins.
His hands are everywhere—gripping your thighs, spreading you open, dragging his cock through your slick folds before he presses against your entrance.
"You want it?" His voice is strained, his jaw tight.
"Yes—"
But he doesn’t give you time to beg.
Because in the next second—he’s inside you, all at once, filling you to the hilt.
Your back arches off the seat, a choked sound escaping your throat.
Sunghoon groans, his head dropping forward, his grip bruising where he holds your hips down. "Fuck—look at you. Taking my cock so fucking well."
You barely have time to breathe before he starts moving.
No easing into it. No gentleness.
Just rough, deep thrusts that knock the air from your lungs.
"You feel that?" His hand wraps around your throat again, squeezing just enough to make your vision blur at the edges. "This is what you wanted, wasn’t it? My wife acting like a whore all night just so I could fuck her stupid in the back of a car”
You moan, the humiliation making your skin burn in the best way.
"That’s right," he grits out, snapping his hips harder, his other hand gripping your thigh, pushing it higher. "Let me hear you."
The car rocks with the force of it, every thrust sending pleasure shooting through your spine. Your nails dig into his shoulders, your body shaking, your release already close, already—
"Come on, baby," he murmurs, his breath ragged, his forehead pressing against yours. "Come on my cock. Be a good fucking girl for me."
And you do.
You shatter beneath him, your body tensing, your thighs trembling as your orgasm crashes through you.
Sunghoon follows right after, his rhythm stuttering before he buries himself deep, his groan breaking into something almost desperate. His fingers flex against your throat before finally, finally, he lets go.
The car is silent except for your uneven breaths.
Sunghoon leans forward, pressing his lips to your forehead, softer now, his breathing still shaky. His fingers trail down your side, slow, absentminded, like he’s grounding himself.
The only sound in the car is the rhythmic rise and fall of your breathing, the occasional rustling of fabric as Sunghoon shifts slightly against you. The intensity of what just happened lingers between you, crackling in the air like an aftershock, leaving both of you too warm, too tangled, too unwilling to move just yet.
He’s still inside you, still pressed close, his body a solid weight over yours, grounding, steadying. Neither of you speak, and for a while, you simply let the quiet settle, let your fingers drift absently over his back, tracing slow, lazy shapes.His forehead is against yours, his breath deep and uneven, warm against your lips.
Eventually, he exhales, the sound low, almost satisfied, before tilting his head to press a slow, lingering kiss to your temple. His hand shifts from where it had been gripping your thigh, his touch gentler now, a stark contrast to how he had held you earlier—fierce, possessive, unwilling to let you go. Now, his fingers just rest against your skin, smoothing over the curve of your waist, the warmth of his palm familiar.
"You okay?" His voice is rough from exertion, still heavy with something raw and unspoken.
You hum, nodding slightly, your cheek brushing against his. You can’t quite find the words yet—your body still feels like it’s floating, caught between exhaustion and bliss.
Sunghoon shifts just slightly, pulling back just enough to look at you. His gaze sweeps over your face, studying you carefully, before his lips curve into a small, amused smile.
"I’ll take that as a yes." His fingers trace slow circles against your hip, his touch absentminded but deliberate, like he doesn’t quite want to stop touching you yet.
You blink up at him, still dazed, your limbs pleasantly heavy, your skin oversensitive in the best way. His words barely register before he shifts, withdrawing from you slowly. A quiet whimper catches in your throat at the loss, your body instinctively tightening around nothing.
Sunghoon notices.
His gaze darkens again, his jaw flexing slightly before he exhales through his nose, visibly restraining himself. He tilts his head, one brow raising ever so slightly, smug in a way that makes your stomach twist.
"Look at you," he murmurs, voice low, watching as his release slowly drips out of you, glistening on your inner thighs.His fingers trace your swollen entrance, dragging along the slick mess he’s made, spreading it just to watch you squirm.
"So messy," he muses, voice teasing but full of something heavier, more possessive.
Heat spreads across your cheeks, embarrassment creeping in at how wrecked you must look, your thighs still trembling, your breath uneven. You turn your head slightly, muttering under your breath, "Shut up."
Sunghoon chuckles, clearly too pleased with himself. His fingers move to tilt your chin up, forcing you to meet his gaze again.
"Don’t do that," he murmurs, his voice quieter now, lower, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip.
You frown slightly, not quite understanding. "Do what?"
His thumb presses just slightly harder, a silent reprimand, a reminder that he’s still in control.
"Act shy now," he says, watching you too closely, too knowingly. His smirk is slow, deliberate, confident in a way that makes your stomach flip. "You just let me fuck you stupid in the back of my car."
Your cheeks burn hotter, mortification creeping in. You scoff, shoving at his chest halfheartedly, but he doesn’t budge."I hate you."
His laughter is soft, low, a rumble against your skin as he presses another kiss—this time to your jaw, then lower, trailing lazily toward your throat.
"No, you love me."
You take a deep breath “I do.” 
He looks surprised, shocked almost, “You– you do?” 
You nod. “I do, ” you look at him expectantly, “You love me?” 
He laughs deep and loud, a real laugh, grabs your face in his hands forcing you closer, “Baby, when did I ever stop?”
Before you can dwell on it, there’s a knock on the window.
You freeze.
Sunghoon sighs, clearly unfazed, barely even reacting before he reaches over to roll down the window slightly.
Outside, the driver stands with an expression so perfectly neutral it’s almost comedic, like this is just another Tuesday night for him.
"Mr. Park," he says, his tone entirely professional, unaffected. "Should I… call another car for you two?"
You bury your face in Sunghoon’s shoulder, mortified.
Sunghoon, as expected, looks completely unbothered.
"No need," he replies smoothly, his fingers absently stroking your thigh as if nothing had just happened. "We’ll be heading home in a bit."
The driver nods curtly, not even blinking. "I’ll be outside."
And then, just like that, he walks away.
You groan, still refusing to lift your head. "I can never face him again."
Sunghoon laughs softly, his hand sliding up to rub slow, soothing circles against your back.
"You’ll live, you love me."  he murmurs, his voice warm, teasing, but laced with something softer. His fingers thread into your hair, tilting your head up just slightly. His lips brush against yours, slow, deliberate, like he’s savoring the moment.
"Let me clean you up."
You blink up at him, your chest tightening for reasons entirely unrelated to sex.
"You don’t have to—"
His hand tightens in your hair, not to hurt, just to keep you still. He shakes his head slightly, cutting you off before you can finish the thought.
"I want to," he murmurs, his lips brushing against yours again, softer this time. "I take care of what’s mine. Of what I love."
Something invisible but heavy lodges itself in your throat.
Because he means it. Because this isn’t just sex, or routine, or an easy way to pass the time. This is him showing you, in the quietest way possible, that he loves you.
And when he kisses you again, when he reaches for a tissue to carefully clean the mess between your thighs, when he murmurs something under his breath about how ‘his wife shouldn’t be walking around with his cum dripping down her legs’
You don’t ever want to lose this again.
EPILOGUE
It starts the same way it did last time.
The nausea creeps in slowly—subtle at first, nothing out of the ordinary. You assume it’s from overworking yourself, the stress of handling legal negotiations, or maybe even just the exhaustion of being married to a man who refuses to listen when you tell him to take breaks.
Sunghoon notices before you do.
At first, it’s little things—the way you lean against the counter a little longer in the mornings, the way your appetite fluctuates, the way you pause mid-sentence with a sudden grimace, like something doesn’t sit right in your stomach. He watches you closer than usual, his sharp eyes following you whenever you touch your lower abdomen absentmindedly, whenever you shake your head at food that you normally love.
And then, one morning, you feel it.
The moment you stand up from bed, a wave of nausea crashes into you so violently that you barely make it to the bathroom in time.
You hear him before you see him—footsteps, the rustling of sheets, the quiet, urgent sound of his voice calling your name as he reaches for you.
"Hey—what’s wrong?" Sunghoon is kneeling beside you in seconds, his hand warm and steady against your back, rubbing slow, grounding circles as you try to catch your breath. His fingers stroke through your hair gently, not rushing you, not asking anything else yet.
You grip the edge of the sink, exhaling shakily, your heartbeat too loud, your pulse erratic.
Because this feels familiar. Too familiar. And that’s when you know. Sunghoon stills when you don’t answer right away.
"Baby." His voice is softer now, careful. "Look at me."
Something unreadable flickers across his face—shock, realization, something dangerously close to hope.
He doesn’t ask. He doesn’t need to. Because he knows, too.
And that’s how you find yourself sitting on the bathroom floor minutes later, staring at the test clutched in your hands, the two pink lines undeniable.
Sunghoon sits beside you, his knee brushing against yours, his breathing measured but uneven. He doesn’t reach for it. He doesn’t take it from your hands.
Instead, he just looks at you.
"Are we...?" His voice is barely above a whisper, raw in a way you rarely hear.
Your fingers tighten around the test, your throat thick with emotion. You nod, swallowing hard before murmuring, "Yeah."
Sunghoon exhales, slow and unsteady, like he’s been holding his breath for years. His head tilts forward slightly, his eyes squeezing shut for a second before he lifts them back to you. His gaze is so full of something it knocks the air from your lungs.
"How do you feel?" he asks quietly.
You let out a soft, breathless laugh, part relief, part disbelief. "Like I might throw up again."
A short chuckle escapes him—not out of amusement, but out of something else, something lighter.
Then, slowly, he reaches for you.
His hands slide over your cheeks, fingertips pressing just slightly, like he’s trying to make sure you’re real, like he’s trying to ground himself in this moment. His thumb strokes over your cheekbone, his breath fanning against your lips as he leans in, close enough that you can feel the warmth of him, close enough that you can feel the slight tremble in his touch.
The positive test sits between you both, abandoned on the bathroom counter, but neither of you look at it anymore. You don’t need to.
Because all you can focus on is him—the way his chest rises and falls unsteadily, the way his lips part like he wants to say something but doesn’t quite know how.
And then, finally, he does.
"I won’t fail you this time."
His voice is rough, barely above a whisper, but it hits you harder than anything else.
Your breath catches in your throat, your fingers tightening slightly where they rest against his shoulders. His eyes are so unbearably soft when they meet yours, but there’s something else there, too—something raw, something desperate.
"I won’t lose you. I won’t lose them," he murmurs, his hands sliding to your waist, pulling you fully against him, like he can shield you from anything and everything that might try to take this from him again.
A lump forms in your throat, because this is what he’s been carrying.
This is what he never let himself say out loud.
"You never failed me, Sunghoon," you whisper, your fingers moving to cup his face, "We lost them together."
Sunghoon swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
"I should have held you. I should have been better. I should have—" His breath stumbles, and for the first time, you see it—the way his control wavers, the way the guilt still lingers, thick and unbearable.
"Hey." You press a hand against his chest, feeling the unsteady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath your palm. "You don’t have to do this alone anymore."
Sunghoon exhales sharply, his forehead pressing against yours.
"I don’t deserve this," he murmurs, his grip tightening around you.
"You do." You don’t hesitate. "And we’re going to do this right this time."
His breath shudders. And then—he kisses you.
It’s not like before. It’s not desperate, or punishing, or laced with frustration. It’s slow, deep, lingering. It’s an apology, a vow, a promise.
When he pulls away, his lips hover just above yours, his eyes searching, waiting for something.
"Stay," he whispers. "Stay with me. Stay here. Always."
You smile, pressing your forehead against his.
"I already did."
fin.
Taglist: @vrusha01 @cupiddolle @naurwayyyyy @ziiao @somuchdard @hveanlyanqelic @miuwonis @outroherrr @weyukinluv @riribelle @wonzbear @zhangyi-johee @randomanothercreature @wolfhardbby @httpenhoon @annovaz @seonhoon @lovelycassy @noidnoentry @btsreadss @linlianxin @icrieliterature @aussie-boys-wife @woniefull @ikeuwoniee @en-doll @ambi01 @thinkinboutbin @tobiosbbyghorl @semi-wife @fancypeacepersona @exhaleinhalepowder @firstclassjaylee @ijustwannareadstuff20 @nshmrarki
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infamous-if · 7 days ago
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CHAPTER 4 IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR BAND TIER
457K + 166K —> ✮ 623,016K WORDS ✮
Fan Tier Release: July 4th
Public Release: July 18th
It's here! (Do you like the new cover??) After nine months, the chapter has finally come. This one took me a long time. I outlined and re-outlined and outline some more. There's something Sisyphean about writing an IF and there were long stretches where it felt like the end was never coming. This was definitely a set-up chapter aka it sets up a lot for chapter 5 and beyond when it comes to the routes and upcoming dramaaaa so I'm excited to see everyone's theories and thoughts on all of the breadcrumbs I drop in this one. I'm really thankful that I worked on Chapter 5 alongside of Chapter 4 because that means Chapter 5 won't take so long to come out! I'm excited for that yippeee! One thing to note: I usually leave the lyric options to the end but I couldn't come up with them this chapter. At all. Like for over a month I just couldn't. I am cashing in my "this is a wip" card and forcing a type-in. (It'll be fixed in chapter 5).
A change to note: Attached/Detached are no longer change options but they are now variables and in the stat page. As well as being negative/positive. It didn't make much sense to have the second one because jaded/ambitious does that job and I wanted the attached/detached markers to fluctuate for future story reasons.
There are new stats:
Castmate/Competitor ✮
Approachable/Aloof ✮
Leader/Member ✮
Camaraderie ✮
Born Star ✮
I wanted to focus on the celebrity/famous/botb/band part of it because those stats feel meaningful and important compared to generic personality stats. Some have been taken out but not completely. They are still being measured in the background for flavor text. Stats like Loved and Born Star don't change as often as they are dependent on the changes of invisible stats. They will make more sense in the future chapters !
PLAY HERE
If there are any errors (especially with the jumping to chapter page because its my first time doing that and there are a lot of choices) please let me know!
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bittergavv · 2 years ago
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why must we pit aruto and keiwa against each other, can they not both be little mentally ill green guys together in peace?
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orangeblossomsintheair · 6 months ago
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GRIEF ASIDE (1/4) | MV33
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summary : You fancied your fiancé, you realized with horror. Oh, God. You fancied your fiancé.
wc : 13k
an : this took.. a while ☹️ anyway
For as long as you could remember, you had been engaged to Max Emilian, scion of House Verstappen.
On paper, it was a triumphant match, a union to secure your house's fortunes for generations. To be betrothed to the son of a duke was a dream most could only aspire to.
Yet, no one envied House Button’s lovely heiress.
Instead, the court pitied you.
Jos Verstappen, your future father-in-law and Duke of the North, was a name steeped in infamy. Known as the Butcher of the North, his reputation was as frigid and cruel as the land he ruled. Whispers of his war crimes haunted corridors, and songs of lament cursed his name in taverns.
To marry into such a legacy meant tying yourself to shadows you could never escape.
But duty had bound you to this path as tightly as the chill of the northern wind now clung to your skin.
Raised to bridge alliances and strengthen bonds, you had no illusions about the weight of your role.
Now, you stood before the towering iron gates of the Verstappen estate, carriage behind you, your wool cloak and one of your knight’s heavy coats offered little respite from the North’s unforgiving cold.
“Keep your chin up, my lady,” Lily murmured beside you, adjusting the trunk she carried, her voice nearly drowned by the howling wind. Her cheeks were flushed from the frost, and her attempts at reassurance felt as thin as your cloak.
You nodded mutely, clenching your chattering teeth. Complaining about her poor preparation, or your shared underestimation of the northern winter, would achieve little.
The gates groaned open, revealing the sprawling estate beyond.
The fortress-like walls loomed high, their grey stone stark against the snow-laden landscape. Narrow windows glinted like ice shards under the weak winter sun.
Smoke curled lazily from the distant stables, a muted sign of life in an otherwise bleak expanse.
“Cheerful place,” Lando muttered behind you, his voice dry. He pulled his hood lower, trying to shield his face from the biting wind.
“More like a tomb,” Oscar replied, tone low. His eyes scanned the walls warily, hand resting on the hilt of his sword.
Crossing the threshold of the estate, you were greeted by a cavernous main hall that carried little more warmth than the outdoors. Though a fire crackled at one end, its heat barely touched the far corners of the room.
The scent of pine mingled with the cold tang of iron, likely from the spiked chandelier that loomed overhead, casting jagged shadows across the floor.
“Presenting Lady (Y/N) of House Button,” the steward announced, his voice echoing up the vaulted ceilings.
The words washed over you, irrelevant compared to your struggle to stop trembling. The knight closest to you, Oscar, shifted closer, his presence a silent bulwark, but you scarcely noticed.
A figure descended the grand staircase, drawing your attention despite the icy haze clouding your mind.
Max Emilian Verstappen.
He moved with a grace that could only be borne from years of court presence, strides measured and deliberate yet still managing to not look stiff.
Pale hair neatly combed, save for a few strands that fell across his forehead, softening the otherwise hard edges of his face. His broad shoulders were draped in a heavy black coat lined with fur, swallowing what little light the room offered.
You had heard tales of him: a skilled warrior, an even better horseman, and a temper so fierce people began claiming the Verstappen rage was a hereditary trait.
His eyes fell on you then, surprise flickering across his face before being quickly replaced by a furrowed brow and the unmistakable air of annoyance.
“Gods,” he muttered under his breath, his tone cold enough to make you flinch.
You stiffened, unsure whether to speak or remain silent.
Was that usually how the Northern Lords greeted their betrothed?
Max’s eyes roved over you, taking in your trembling form, pale cheeks, and the inadequate cloak clutched around your shoulders.
His frown deepened, and he turned sharply toward your knights, his expression hardening.
“Why in the seven hells is she dressed like this?” he demanded.
Sir Lando bristled but maintained his composure. “My lady insisted, Lord Verstappen, that we keep ourselves alive. We offered additional layers-”
“She’s half-frozen. Who cares if you're alive if your Lady is dead?” Max cut him off, already shrugging out of his own coat.
You opened your mouth to protest, to insist you were fine, but before you could utter a word, he was draping the fur-lined garment over your shoulders.
The residual warmth from his body enveloped you, burying you under the scent of pine and leather.
“Your stubbornness will kill you,” he muttered, crouching slightly to adjust the coat. His tone was still sharp, but his hands were steady and careful as they brushed over you.
You glanced at Lily, who hovered nearby, her eyes darting between you and Max. “Fetch tea,” Max ordered, voice brooking no argument.
She hesitated, clearly unsure whether to take orders from a person who was decidedly not her Lady, but a sharp look from him sent her scurrying away.
Max turned back to you, his expression unreadable as his hand brushed over your elbow, guiding you forward. “Sit,” he gestured to the high-backed chair closest to the hearth.
You sank into the seat gratefully, abandoning the appearance of grace in lieu of the warmth of the fire and the heavy coat easing the worst of your shivers.
Max crouched before you, his face illuminated by the flickering light. “You were standing in the cold far too long,” he said, softer now as though talking to an injured bird.
“I didn’t realize…” you started, but your voice faltered.
Max’s lips quirked in a faint, reluctant smile. “Not even when you were shivering like a leaf?”
He leaned back, regarding you for a moment before adding, “The North will swallow you whole.”
His words should have stung, but you found it hard to be insulted for there was no malice in them, only a hint of amusement.
The tea arrived swiftly, Lily handing it to you with a pinched expression, steam curling from the delicate porcelain as if reluctant to break the stillness of the hall.
You wrapped your frozen fingers around the cup, savoring the way the heat kissed your skin, thawing the numbness in your fingers.
Max walked to stand a few paces away, matching your knight and maid's distance, watching you with a detached sort of interest, his arms still crossed over his chest.
The flickering firelight carved sharp angles along his face, illuminating the high cut of his cheekbones and the stern set of his jaw.
“You look better now.” His voice was quieter this time. “At least you have some color in you.”
You weren’t sure if that was meant to be a kindness or merely an observation, but you offered a polite nod regardless.
“Thank you, my Lord.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “Max will do.”
The correction startled you. Men of his station, sons of dukes especially, rarely made such allowances. Betrothed or not.
“As you wish… Max.”
A faint smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth, but it vanished just as quickly.
“I imagine you have questions.”
Of course, you did.
Too many, and yet none seemed appropriate to ask.
You had spent years preparing for this union in theory, but now that you were standing on the threshold of it, the rehearsed words died in your throat.
“Only a few,” you said carefully.
He hummed, a noncommittal sound. “Then ask.”
You hesitated. “Your father… the Duke… is he here?”
Max’s expression cooled.
“No. My father is at the border fortresses, inspecting the garrisons. He will return before the winter feast to welcome you.”
Relief and dread tangled in your chest. It was a reprieve not to face Duke Jos immediately, but you knew it was temporary at best.
“And your father will be joining us soon enough as well, won’t he?” Max’s tone was unreadable, though something sharp glinted beneath it.
You nodded. “Yes. My father will come north after his duties are finished. To meet with the Duke and… formalize the engagement.”
The words felt heavy on your tongue. This visit wasn’t just a quiet retreat to adjust to your future home. It was a public commitment. Before long, the entire North would know you belonged to him.
You dreaded what that would do to your public image.
Max’s jaw tightened although his expression remained carefully distant. “Of course.”
He turned slightly, gaze sweeping the cold stone hall.
“You’ll find the North is not like the South. Comfort is scarce, and the people scarcer. They will not warm to you easily.”
His words felt more like a warning than a courtesy.
“I don’t expect them to.”
That seemed to surprise him. Perhaps he had been expecting you to be one of those Southern ladies that demanded everyone to bend over backwards for their comfort.
His eyes flicked back to you, studying you in a way that made you want to shrink under his coat.
“Good.”
The fire cracked loudly, sending a shower of sparks upward. Max tilted his head toward it, the flicker of light catching in his pale hair.
“You’ll need to adjust quickly. My father won’t tolerate weakness in his house.”
“And you?” The question slipped out before you could stop it.
Max’s expression didn’t change, but something in his eyes hardened.
“I won’t coddle you, if that’s what you’re asking.”
It wasn’t. But the way he said it made your stomach twist.
Still, you straightened your spine. “I wouldn’t ask for that.”
A tense silence settled again, though this time, it felt more contemplative than cold.
Max’s gaze drifted from you to the door behind you.
“You must be tired from the journey. I’ll have your rooms prepared.”
“I thought we would stay in the west wing,” you said, recalling the arrangements made in the letters exchanged between your families.
Max’s lips pressed into a thin line.
“The west wing is being repaired. Storm damage. You’ll stay closer to the main hall until it’s finished.”
It was a small thing, perhaps, yet it unsettled you.
The west wing was meant to be yours. A space to adjust quietly, away from the imposing grandeur of the estate.
Now, you were being denied that distance.
But what could you do? Refuse? Argue?
“Very well,” you said softly.
Max nodded once then turned to the waiting steward.
“Have the rooms near the library prepared. And make sure the fires are lit.”
“Yes, my lord.”
Oscar and Lando approached then, boots scuffing against the stone floor as they stopped just shy of your side.
Their eyes darted toward you, assessing your posture, searching for some silent confirmation that you were unharmed.
You gave them a small nod, and the tension in Oscar’s broad shoulders seemed to ease, though Lando’s hand remained near the hilt of his sword, his body coiled like a spring.
Max’s sharp gaze swept over the two knights, his expression unreadable but undoubtedly calculating.
“Your people will stay nearby,” he said, his voice firm but unhurried. “Your maid is not to wander without escort. Your men may walk around but not too far from the fortress. I'd rather not deal with the politics of a Southern knight dying in my land.”
Lily bristled at the casual remark, her cheeks coloring with indignation. “We Southerners aren't as fragile as you seem to think,” she said sharply, her words cutting the silence like a knife.
“Lily,” Oscar said quietly, catching her arm before she could step forward. His grip was gentle but firm, head shaking in a silent plea for restraint.
Max didn’t even flinch at her outburst, his cool demeanor unwavering as his gaze flicked back to you.
“Your people are bold.” His tone was tinged with something akin to amusement. “Let’s hope they’re wise enough to temper it.”
“They’re loyal,” you replied evenly, meeting his eyes without faltering. “I wouldn’t have brought them otherwise.”
“Loyalty is admirable but it doesn’t mean much if it gets you killed.”
Lando shifted beside you, jaw tight. “With all due respect, my lord,” he began without much respect at all. “We’re more than capable of keeping her safe.”
“I’m sure you believe that.” Max’s gaze settled on Lando. “But I’ve seen capable men bleed out on these stones for lesser causes. My rules are for your protection as much as mine.”
Lando’s grip on his sword tightened, but Oscar’s hand on his shoulder stilled him.
“We’ll abide by your rules,” Oscar confirmed, voice calm.
“Good.” Max turned back to you. “Come. I’ll show you the library. You should know where it is if you’re to live here.”
The offer caught you off guard. The scion of House Verstappen switched conversations so casually he seemed to slap you with his casualness.
“The library?”
“You can’t spend all your time staring at the snow,” Max replied evenly, though there was a faint lilt to his words.
Was that… humor? It was hard to tell with him.
“Well..” You tugged your coat tighter. “It is very captivating snow.”
Max’s brow arched. “And yet, I think you’ll survive without it for an hour.”
You blinked, taken aback by the dry remark.
Was he… teasing you?
Shaking off the ridiculous thought, you rose from your chair, trailing behind as he turned and strode toward the door.
You glanced at your companions, giving them a small and, hopefully, reassuring smile before stepping forward to follow Max.
Max’s pace was long, purposeful, and you found yourself scrambling to keep up without looking breathless.
(You decidedly ignored Sir Lando's small snort of laughter.)
The manor was a labyrinth of cold stone and dim corridors, the walls lined with tapestries dulled by age.
Shadows flickered where sparse torches burned, giving the place a haunted sort of stillness.
You found it hard to ever imagine yourself calling this place home.
Max moved through the halls like someone who had been shaped by this place, his presence carved into the very bones of the estate.
His stride was confident, measured, purposeful.
You, on the other hand, felt like an outsider, a stranger, each step heavy on the cold stone floor.
Finally, Max stopped before a pair of massive oak doors, their wood darkened with age. He didn’t look back at you as he spoke, his voice low, but managing to carry through the quiet hall.
“Your men stay outside. Your maid may enter,” he said, the command clear.
Your knights exchanged a brief look.
Lando’s lips curled into a smirk, clearly less than thrilled with the command. He let out a sigh, posture straightening with a resigned huff.
With a dramatic roll of his eyes, he moved to one side of the door, giving a theatrical bow as though he were playing a part in some grand performance.
Oscar shook his head but followed suit, taking his place at the other side, hands clasped with a more restrained expression.
Lando’s voice broke the silence, dripping with mock sweetness. “Enjoy the library, my Lady. Try not to get too lost in there.”
You laughed, unable to contain yourself and bid them a silent goodbye.
Without another word, he pushed the doors open, the hinges groaning in protest, and led you and Lily inside.
The library was vast and dim, lined wall-to-wall with shelves that stretched high into the shadows above.
Dust motes floated lazily in the beams of light filtering through the narrow, arched windows, painting the room in shades of gold and gray.
You inhaled deeply, the scent of aged paper and polished wood filling your senses.
“It’s beautiful…” you breathed, the words slipping out unbidden.
“It is,” Max replied, stepping farther into the room. “And it’s yours to use as I allow while you’re here.”
You followed him in, your fingers brushing the spines of the books closest to you. They were thick and heavy, their titles embossed in faded gold.
“Are these… first editions?” you asked, your voice hushed, as if speaking too loudly might awaken some slumbering beast.
“Many of them, yes,” Max said, his gaze sweeping the shelves as if cataloging them in his mind. “You’ll find original prints of histories, poetry, philosophy. Most of it quite rare. Some of the works were commissioned specifically for this collection.”
“Commissioned?” you echoed, eyebrows lifting in surprise.
He nodded. “Yes. House Verstappen has always valued knowledge. There are some volumes here you won’t find anywhere else.”
You let your hand fall from the books and turned to face him. “You must spend a lot of time here then.”
“Not as much as I should,” he admitted, his tone crisp. “But I’m familiar with the layout. If you’re planning to lose yourself, I can point you in the right direction.”
The corner of your mouth quirked up at his phrasing. “Lose myself?”
“It happens.” He shrugged, glancing away.
You laughed softly. “Is that your way of warning me?”
“A mere suggestion,” he corrected, his lips twitching in what might have been the hint of a smile. “Start with the poetry under the windows. It’s a good place for… wandering minds.”
“Poetry under the windows,” you repeated the words under your breath, glancing toward the far end of the room where a faint glow spilled across the shelves. “Any other recommendations?”
“The histories on the east wall are worth your time.” He gestured briefly. “And if you’re feeling adventurous, there’s a collection of letters on the upper mezzanine. They’re in French, though.”
“I can manage French,” you said with a small smile.
His eyebrow arched faintly. “Good. Then you’ll also find some rather colorful accounts of court scandals tucked in the back corner. A few are probably embellished, but they’re entertaining nonetheless.”
Your laughter came easier this time. “Court scandals? I didn’t expect you to recommend something so… frivolous.”
“Frivolity has its place,” he said dryly. “Just don’t let the staff catch you reading them. They might talk.”
“Noted.” You attempted to suppress your grin.
For a moment, the two of you stood in companionable silence, the quiet weight of the library wrapping around you like a cloak. You turned back to the shelves, running your fingertips lightly over the spines once more.
“This is incredible,” you murmured.
You glanced over your shoulder at his lack of a response, catching a faint glimmer of something softer in his eyes, though it vanished almost as quickly as it appeared.
Max seemed to compose himself, clearing his throat. “You will be fetched come dinner time.”
The heavy doors of the library groaned shut behind him, leaving you and Lily in the cavernous stillness.
As soon as the sound of his footsteps faded, Lily let out a sharp exhale, breaking the silence. “I thought he’d never leave,” she muttered, her voice pitched low but urgent.
You turned to her, startled by her tone. “Lily-”
“He’s impossible to read!” she interrupted, her hands gesturing animatedly as she paced a small circle near the door.
“One moment, he’s scowling like the world owes him something, and the next, he’s… he’s practically pointing you toward the best books for a cozy evening! What am I supposed to make of that?”
You blinked, caught between amusement and exasperation. “I don’t think it’s meant to be deciphered, Lily.”
“But it should be!” she shot back, stopping abruptly to face you. “You’re supposed to marry him. How are you supposed to live with someone who switches moods faster than the weather?”
“I don’t think he’s as unpredictable as you think,” you said cautiously, though you weren’t entirely convinced of your own words. “He’s… reserved.”
“Reserved?” Lily snorted. “He looks like he’s trying not to bite anyone’s head off half the time.” She softened slightly, adding, “Although, I’ll admit, it was nice of him to show you this place.”
Her eyes wandered around the library, her earlier frustration melting into a quieter awe. “It really is something, isn’t it?”
You nodded, letting your gaze sweep the towering shelves. “It is. I could lose hours in here.”
“Maybe you’ll have to,” Lily said, her tone lighter now. “If he’s not going to be forthcoming about himself, you might have to dig through the history books to figure him out. Perhaps you'll even find a diary of his.”
You laughed softly, shaking your head. “I think even the books might not have the answers to that mystery.”
Lily gave you a sly grin. “Well, if anyone can figure him out, my lady, it’s you.”
With a roll of your eyes, you turned back to the shelves. “My betrothed's dour personality aside.. help me find that poetry section he mentioned.”
Lily smiled, stepping closer to follow you deeper into the quiet sanctuary of the library.
“Of course, my lady.”
Hours later, as the manor stirred for the evening meal, a servant was dispatched to your quarters. The boy found it strange that the two knights he'd heard his Lord's betrothed had come with weren't stationed by the door.
A sharp knock echoed once. Then again, louder, more insistent.
“My lady?”
Silence.
The servant hesitated, damp palms against the polished wood.
“My lady?” He said again, voice cracking. “My lady, may I come in?”
“...My lady, I'm coming in.”
Then, cautiously, he pushed the door open.
The room was untouched. The bed still perfectly made, the hearth’s fire reduced to flickering embers. Shadows stretched long across the walls, and a chill crept in where warmth should have lingered.
Panic tightened his throat.
He checked the adjoining rooms. The empty sitting area, the silent halls. Nowhere.
Not even your guards and maid were present.
Sweat gathered at his brow as he hurried through the winding corridors, heart hammering as he sought out Lord Verstappen.
He found Max standing near the great hall’s window, dusk spilling through the glass in muted gold.
“My lord,” the servant panted, voice tight. “She’s- she’s gone.”
Max turned slowly. “Gone?”
“I searched her chambers, the halls, the west wing-”
“And the library?” Max’s voice was sharp, cutting through the servant’s stammering explanation.
The servant faltered. “The… the library, my lord?”
“Yes,” Max said evenly, already striding toward the east corridor. “She’s there.”
The servant froze, his jaw slackening. “You… you allowed her inside?”
“Are you questioning me?” Max didn’t even glance back as he continued down the hall, his boots echoing sharply on the stone floor.
“N-no, my lord!” the servant stammered, bowing reflexively. “But should I-”
“Stay where you are,” Max ordered. “I’ll handle this myself.”
Your two knights stood sentinel by the library doors when he approached, arms crossed, their expressions a mixture of boredom and indifference.
They barely acknowledged him, their attention elsewhere as the echo of his boots rang down the corridor.
Max didn’t slow his pace. “Is she still in there?”
Lando flicked a glance toward Oscar, then shrugged. “Yep. She's buried in a book or something,” he said with a nonchalant flick of his wrist, as if it were of little concern.
Max’s eyes narrowed. “You didn’t think to remind her of the time?”
Oscar raised a brow, voice dry. “A certain scion has, unfortunately, forbidden our entry, my lord.”
Max sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose, but Lando was quick to interject with a smirk. “And it’s a lost cause trying to pry our Lady away from a good book. Trust me, we’ve tried.”
Max’s frustration bubbled over into a short, exasperated laugh as he pushed the heavy doors open.
And there you were.
Curled into a high-backed chair, utterly absorbed in the thick, ancient book resting open in your lap.
A few other volumes lay scattered around your feet, their spines cracked open, as if you’d moved through them in a frenzy of curiosity.
Max’s gaze lingered on the sight before him. On the way your head tilted slightly as you read, your brow furrowed in concentration.
His grip on the doorframe loosened, but his jaw remained tight.
“My lady.”
You glanced up, startled but then smiled when you saw him. “Oh, my- Max, What are you doing here again?”
Max’s brow arched slightly at your casual tone. His irritation wavered.
He knew you were about to say ‘my Lord’ again, knew it was a mere slip of the tongue, court etiquette taking over before personal sense.
But.. my Max. Yes, he supposed he was indeed yours.
He couldn't say that though so when he spoke, it was only a disinterested, “It’s dinner time.”
You blinked, glancing toward the tall windows where the light had shifted to deep amber.
“Already? I hadn’t even realized-” You glanced down at the book in your lap, reluctant to put it aside. “I haven’t even finished this chapter.”
His gaze dropped to the title in your hands. “Faust,” he noted, tucking the information away. “You read German?”
You blinked, caught off guard. “I… only at an elementary level.”
Max's eyebrow arched slightly. You were either a liar or terribly humble.
“Faust,” he repeated dryly. “Hardly a book for someone with only elementary German. Your skills are passable, at least.”
“Just enough to get by,” you admitted, more honest now, brushing invisible dust from your skirt as you stood.
Max offered his arm, and you took it without hesitation this time.
He noticed, though he said nothing about the change, afraid that if he voiced it out you'd withdraw again.
“You might find Faust more rewarding if you read it in context,” he remarked as you walked down the hall, your knights and maid following behind.
You glanced up at him, curious. “And what context would that be?”
“Understanding Goethe’s philosophical explorations, for one. Or at least recognizing the poetic structure in its original form.”
You tilted your head. “So now you’re saying my German isn’t good enough?”
“I’m saying it’s a pity to read something monumental in fragments,” he replied. “Not a criticism.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” The corners of your lips quirked upward.
“Take it as you like.” He offered you a small shrug, though there was the faintest trace of amusement in his eyes.
A beat of silence passed before he spoke again. “Which German do you struggle with?”
“Official documents,” you admitted. “The kind that's full of overly formal phrasing and unnecessary flourish.”
Max hummed, thoughtful. Most official documents were indeed like that. “I could assist with that, should the need arise.”
You blinked at him, caught off guard by the offer. “You would?”
“If I find myself having time.”
“Thank you.”
He shook his head, brushing off your words. “And don't sit too close to the mezzanine shelves,” he added. “They’re unstable.”
Your brows rose. “Unstable?”
“I don’t need you buried beneath three hundred years of German history,” he said, his tone casual but his meaning clear.
A laugh bubbled up before you could stop it. “You’d miss me, then?”
“More likely, the servants would revolt,” he said, gesturing to the doors to the dining hall. “Dinner then, shall we?”
The dining hall was an expansive, imposing space, its vaulted ceilings casting long shadows over the vast table.
Candles decorated much of the available surfaces in a surprisingly tasteful way.
Their flames flickered weakly, struggling to combat the cold that clung to the stone walls like it was a living, breathing thing.
The table stretched far ahead, but only two places were set.
Max took his seat at the head without so much as a glance in your direction, and you slid into the chair opposite him.
Lily quietly withdrew to prepare for your night routine while Lando and Oscar remained a fair distance away, leaving the two of you some privacy to discuss.
Servants moved efficiently, placing the first course on the table: roast venison, honeyed carrots, and freshly baked bread that had already begun to cool in the chill air.
The earlier conversation about books had petered out, leaving a quiet in its wake.
Max ate as though entirely alone, his focus on the meal before him.
You shifted in your seat, the faint scrape of your fork against the plate feeling almost intrusive.
"You know," you began tentatively, "for someone who seems to enjoy books, you’re surprisingly difficult to talk to about them."
Max’s knife paused mid-slice, his eyes flicking up to meet yours.
There was no hostility in his gaze, but his expression was unreadable all the same. “Talking about books is rarely as rewarding as reading them.”
“That sounds suspiciously like an excuse,” you said, trying to inject a bit of lightness into the moment. “Or maybe you just don’t know how to have a proper discussion about them.”
His lips twitched slightly, as if the idea amused him, though he didn’t smile. “Do you often accuse your dining companions of conversational ineptitude, or am I a special case?”
“That depends.” You tore off a piece of bread. “Are you going to prove me wrong?”
Max tilted his head, studying you with quiet curiosity, like someone turning over a puzzle piece in their mind.
“Very well.” He set his knife down carefully. “What would you like to discuss? Goethe? Schiller?”
“Bold of you to assume I am especially fond of German authors. Perhaps I just picked up Faust in the library on a whim.” You smiled. “But if you must know, I’ve been working through Balzac recently.”
He raised an eyebrow, his expression shifting slightly, though still difficult to read. “Balzac? Ambitious. And how are you finding him?”
“Dense,” you admitted with a laugh. “Brilliant, but dense. Definitely not light reading.”
“Few worthwhile things are,” he replied, returning to his meal. “Though I’ve always found Balzac’s fascination with ambition rather… tiresome.”
“Really?” you asked, curious. “Why?”
He took a measured sip of wine before answering. “Because I’ve seen enough ambition in reality to find little appeal in it as fiction.”
You smiled faintly, tilting your head. “And yet, here you are. A product of generations of ambition.”
His gaze darkened slightly, though not in anger.
There was a flicker of something, maybe hesitation, before he spoke. “Careful,” he said, his voice low and quiet. “You’re treading close to dangerous ground.”
“Am I?” you asked, though your tone was gentler now, almost teasing. “I thought we were just talking about books.”
Before he could respond, the servants re-entered, clearing the first course and placing the next before you.
The interruption softened the tension, and you let the moment breathe.
When the room was quiet again, you spoke, this time more cautiously. “Alright, then. Enough about me. What about you? What are you reading?”
Max’s fork paused mid-motion, and he set it down with deliberate care. “Does it matter?”
“Of course, it matters,” you replied, leaning forward slightly. “How else am I supposed to judge your taste?”
For a moment, you thought you saw the faintest glimmer of a smile. “If you must know, The Sorrows of Young Werther.”
You blinked, surprised. “Goethe’s most sentimental work? I wouldn’t have guessed.”
“Sentimentality has its uses,” he said dryly, though there was no real bite to his words. “Even you might agree.”
“Are you suggesting I’m sentimental?” you arched a brow.
“I’m suggesting you’re curious,” he replied, his tone even. “Perhaps overly so.”
“Fair.” You conceded with a small laugh. “But I’m curious.. what draws you to it? The tragedy? The unrequited love?”
He hesitated for just a moment, his gaze dropping briefly before he answered.
“The futility,” he said quietly, lifting his wine glass. “Of longing for something you cannot have.”
For a moment, you didn’t know how to respond, the honesty in his tone catching you off guard. When he didn’t elaborate, you picked up your own glass, letting the silence linger without pressing further.
“You have a rather bleak outlook, don’t you?” you asked finally, your voice softer now.
“Realistic,” he corrected, not unkindly, his gaze flicking back to yours. “Not everyone has the luxury of optimism.”
You frowned slightly, not entirely sure how to reply. “It’s not about luxury,” you said after a pause. “It’s about perspective.”
“Perspective is shaped by reality.” His eyes met yours, boring. “And reality is rarely kind.”
The conversation lulled again, but this time it felt less uneasy and more thoughtful.
As dinner wrapped up, Max glanced at your knights before settling on you, his tone lightening as he spoke. “I trust you can find your rooms?”
You nodded, standing from your chair. “Yes, I think so.”
“No late-night wandering, then?” he asked, his voice carrying the faintest trace of amusement.
Max’s lips twitched again, softer this time, as if he might actually be considering a smile. “Good. I’d hate to have to rescue you from some misstep in the dark.”
You tilted your head, feigning innocence. “What makes you think I’d need rescuing?”
“Experience,” he said simply, the faintest flicker of amusement in his eyes.
The air between you shifted slightly, the earlier sharpness fading into something more subdued.
You allowed yourself a small laugh, breaking the lingering tension. “I’ll have you know I’m quite capable of finding my way around.”
“Is that so?” he replied, leaning back in his chair. His tone had softened, the sharp edges dulling to a quiet curiosity. “Well, then. I suppose I’ll trust you.”
“Trust,” you repeated, letting the word hang between you. “A bold move, considering we’ve only just met.”
Max regarded you for a moment, his expression unreadable. “Bold, perhaps. But necessary.”
You hesitated, unsure how to respond. There was something in his voice, quiet, measured, and entirely unexpected, that made you pause. The weight of the moment settled around you like the faint flicker of the candlelight, warm yet fragile.
“Well,” you said finally. “I suppose I should be flattered.”
“Don’t let it go to your head.”
He rose from his seat with practiced ease, the flicker of warmth in his eyes quickly hidden behind his composed demeanor. “Goodnight, then.”
You watched him as he left the dining hall, his steps measured and deliberate, the echo of his footsteps fading into the vast, empty space.
For a moment, you sat in the quiet, your gaze lingering on the door where he had disappeared.
Finally, you stood, the faintest smile playing at your lips. “Goodnight, Max,” you murmured to the empty room.
—-
The first light of dawn crept through the heavy drapes of your room, painting the walls in soft hues of gold and silver. The air carried a sharp chill, the promise of frost lingering just outside the thick panes of glass.
Everything was still, save for the faint crackle of the fire in the hearth and the soft rustling of fabric as Lily moved about with quiet precision.
She bent over a polished wooden chair, her deft hands smoothing out the folds of the attire she’d chosen for you.
A cloak of deep crimson lay draped across her arm, its rich, heavy fabric catching the faint light. You stirred in your bed, watching her through half-lidded eyes as she worked.
“Good morning, Lily,” you murmured, sitting up and drawing the blankets closer against the morning chill.
Lily turned with a warm smile, setting the cloak on the bed beside you. “Good morning, my Lady. Did you sleep well?”
“Well enough,” you replied, your fingers brushing the thick velvet of the cloak. You tilted your head, examining it with curiosity. “I don’t recall seeing this in my wardrobe before.”
“It was delivered just this morning,” Lily explained, her tone light but tinged with amusement. “A gift, I believe, from Lord Verstappen.”
Your brows lifted as you traced the intricate embroidery along the hem, tiny silver threads woven into delicate patterns. “From Lord Verstappen?”
She nodded, folding her hands in front of her. “He must have assumed the worst given your attire yesterday.”
“It’s rather heavy,” you remarked, holding it up to feel its weight.
Lily gave you a knowing smile, her tone dry but affectionate. “I think I speak for all of us when I say that I’d rather you walk with less grace than freeze, my Lady.”
You let out a soft laugh, shaking your head as you draped the cloak over your shoulders.
It was impossibly warm, the kind of warmth that seeped through your skin and settled in your bones. “You’re not wrong. I suppose there’s no room for vanity when winter comes knocking.”
“None at all,” Lily agreed, moving to adjust the cloak, fastening the silver clasp at your throat. “Besides, the color suits you. Lord Verstappen has surprisingly good taste. I'd have assumed he’d just grab any old thing and force you into it.”
You raised a brow at the tone that laced her words, giving her a sidelong glance. “Flattery for him, Lily? Are you trying to curry favor? And here I thought you were quite ready to sock him just yesterday.”
She feigned innocence, stepping back with a twinkle in her eye. “Not at all, my Lady. But if he keeps sending gifts like this, I might just start.”
Your laughter filled the room, chasing away the last remnants of sleep. You were somewhat glad Lily saw him as redeemable after yesterday.
After all, she was usually a good judge of character.
As you stood, the cloak fell around you like a royal mantle, its weight grounding but comforting.
By the time you entered the dining hall, Max was already seated at the long table, a vision of composed efficiency.
His pale hair was still perfectly swept back, not a strand out of place, and a small stack of documents sat before him.
His pen moved steadily across the paper, his focus unbroken even as the golden morning light softened the sharpness of his features.
“Good morning, Max,” you said, sliding into the chair across from him, your tone deliberately chipper.
Max glanced up briefly, eyes meeting yours with the barest flicker of warmth.
“Good morning,” he replied, setting his pen down with the precision of a man who never did anything carelessly. “You’re up early.”
“It’s rather difficult to stay in bed when the frost feels like it's climbing up to sleep with you,” you said, grabbing a warm roll from the plate near you. “Do you have a deal with the weather to ensure I never sleep in?”
A faint smile tugged at his lips. “I’ll admit to nothing. But if the frost succeeds, perhaps I should reward it.”
“Ha! I’d like to see you try,” you said, tearing a piece of bread and slathering it with butter. “I’ve made my peace with it, though. I realized there was a charm to the winter once I got over the whole ‘freezing to death’ aspect.”
Max arched a brow, his eyes sparkling faintly with what you hoped was amusement. “A charm, you say? I wasn’t aware you were so poetic in the mornings.”
“Oh, I’m a veritable bard before breakfast,” you said. “In fact, I was just composing a sonnet about how frostbite builds character.”
He snorted softly as he reached for his tea, the sound barely audible, but it felt like a victory. “I’ll be sure to commission a copy of it for the library.”
You leaned back in your chair, feeling emboldened by his rare moment of humor
“Speaking of things worth writing about, I was thinking of spending some time in the garden today. It looks magical with the frost.”
Max paused, his teacup halfway to his lips, and gave you a look that bordered on incredulous. “The garden? In winter?”
“Yes, the garden,” you said, undeterred. “You do realize it’s still a garden, even when it’s cold?”
He set his cup down slowly, as if trying to process your words. “You are aware that nothing grows in the garden during winter, yes? Unless you count the weeds, which I doubt have much aesthetic appeal.”
“There are flowers that survive in winter,” you said with a pointed look.
He tilted his head, his expression blank. “Like what? Frozen dandelions?”
“Snowdrops, holly, winter jasmine,” you listed off, ticking them off on your fingers. “I saw some while passing by yesterday. Honestly, do you even know what’s in your own garden?”
Max leaned back slightly. “I delegate. Why bother when there are people who are willing to brave the frost to catalog it all for me?”
You rolled your eyes, unable to hide your grin. “How magnanimous of you.”
He inclined his head slightly, as though you’d paid him a genuine compliment. “It’s a skill.”
“You should come with me,” you said suddenly. “A little walk in the fresh air couldn’t hurt. Who knows? You might even enjoy it.”
He hesitated, his fingers tapping lightly against the rim of his teacup. “I appreciate the invitation,” he said finally, his tone carefully polite. “But my duties don’t often allow for such… luxuries.”
“Luxuries?” you raised a brow. “Surely even a Lord like yourself deserves a moment to himself.”
He chuckled softly, the sound low and rare, but it faded quickly. “Perhaps another time.”
You nodded, masking your disappointment with a practiced smile. “Of course. I wouldn’t want to distract you from your responsibilities.”
“Distraction,” he repeated, his gaze lingering on you longer than necessary.
Something unspoken flickered in his eyes, and though his expression remained composed, there was the faintest hint of something warmer beneath the surface.
“Perhaps,” he said again, this time softer, almost to himself.
You glanced down, heat creeping up your cheeks, and busied yourself with your breakfast.
—-
The steady scratch of a quill against parchment filled the room, broken only by the occasional shuffle of papers.
Max leaned over his desk, eyes scanning the dense columns of reports.
The study was dim, the late afternoon light barely filtering through the heavy curtains. The fire in the hearth had burned low, casting long, flickering shadows across the walls.
Yet, for all his focus, his pen paused mid-sentence.
His thoughts drifted. Again.
To you.
He could see it vividly in his mind: the garden cloaked in frost, each branch thin and brittle beneath the weight of winter.
You would be there, wouldn’t you? Bundled in that wool cloak you favored, breath curling in the cold air as you traced the icy edges of dormant rose bushes.
You had mentioned it offhandedly this morning, your plan to spend the afternoon outside despite the chill.
Max let out a slow breath, frowning at the parchment before him.
The words blurred, meaningless.
It was ridiculous.
You were likely gone by now, the cold too sharp to endure for long.
Rationality urged him to stay, to finish the reports that demanded his attention.
Yet the thought persisted.
Why did it matter if you were still there?
It shouldn’t.
And yet.
The chair scraped quietly against the floor as he stood.
He didn’t bother with his coat. The cold would be a brief inconvenience.
His steps were measured as he left the study, though there was a certain tension in his stride, as if he was trying to convince himself this was a simple walk and nothing more.
The manor’s halls gave way to the biting air of winter, and Max inhaled sharply, the cold seeping through the thin fabric of his sleeves.
The gravel path crunched beneath his boots as he crossed into the garden.
The world was quiet here. Still.
The pale sun sagged low in the sky, casting a silver sheen over frost-laced branches and brittle hedges. Even the air felt suspended, holding its breath.
He scanned the expanse, expecting, no, hoping, to see a flicker of movement among the barren trees.
Nothing.
Max’s jaw tightened.
Of course. You wouldn’t have waited. Hours had passed. Why would you linger in the cold for him? The thought was absurd.
He moved forward anyway, slow and deliberate, his hands clasped behind his back as if that could restrain the growing restlessness in his chest.
Each turn of the path yielded only more empty frost-covered stone.
Once.
Twice.
A third time around, and still nothing.
Perhaps this was a mistake.
He turned to leave.
Then, faintly, the sound of movement, a soft rustle of fabric.
His head snapped up.
And there you were.
Tucked into the curve of a stone bench, half-hidden by the skeletal branches of the hedgerow.
A book lay open in your lap, your gloved fingers idly turning the page.
Max stared.
You hadn’t left.
A strange feeling settled in his chest, something between relief and unease.
He didn’t speak, not immediately. For a moment, he simply watched you, the way your breath misted in the cold, how your hair caught the pale light.
He wasn’t sure why he’d come out here.
But now that he had, he found he didn’t want to leave.
Max exhaled quietly, letting the breath curl away into the cold.
He stood perfectly still, half-concealed by the bare limbs of the hedgerow, his figure blending into the stark winter landscape. The cold gnawed at him, a sharp wind threading through the thin fabric of his sleeves, but he didn’t move.
His breath escaped in thin, controlled streams of vapor, dissipating into the frigid air.
And still, his eyes remained fixed on you.
You sat quietly on the stone bench, bundled in the cloak he'd ordered a servant to bring to you last night come morning, its edges stiff with frost.
A book rested in your lap, your gloved fingers lazily tracing the brittle page edges as you turned them.
Every now and then, you paused, eyes lifting to watch the pale sun as it sagged toward the horizon, before returning to your reading.
Max’s hands tightened behind his back.
He shouldn’t be here.
There was no reason to be.
And yet, he didn’t leave.
He told himself it was coincidence, that his steps had simply led him here after hours of restless pacing in his study.
But even that excuse felt thin, crumbling under the weight of his own unease.
He exhaled slowly, the breath catching in the cold.
Why didn’t you go inside? The air was sharp and biting.
Anyone with sense would’ve retreated to the warmth of the manor by now. Yet you sat there still, as if waiting for something.
Or someone.
A ridiculous thought.
Max’s jaw tightened.
"You know," a dry voice cut through the stillness, "standing there staring is a bit creepy, my Lord.”
Max turned sharply, his cold glare snapping to the armored figure leaning casually against the frosted stone archway.
Oscar.
The knight stood with an infuriating air of nonchalance, one hand resting on the pommel of his sword, the other shoved lazily into the crook of his elbow. His breath misted lazily in the cold air, a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“You’re out of line.” Max’s voice was flat, the warning unmistakable.
Oscar only raised an eyebrow, entirely unbothered. “Probably. But you’ve been standing long enough that I figured someone should say something.”
Max’s glare deepened.
Oscar tilted his head slightly toward the garden. “You could just speak to her, you know. I’m half certain she wouldn’t mind.”
“I have no intention of interrupting her,” Max said coolly, though the words rang hollow even to his own ears.
Oscar made a thoughtful noise, tapping a gloved finger against his chin. “No, of course not. That’s why you’re skulking in the hedges instead of being a normal person and saying hello.”
Max’s mouth tightened into a thin line. “You have duties. Attend to them.”
Oscar chuckled under his breath. “Oh, I am attending to them. Protecting the lady, making sure her suitors aren’t lurking about. You know, the usual.”
Max’s eyes narrowed dangerously.
Oscar didn’t flinch.
“Did she not mention this morning she hoped you’d join her out here?” the knight asked offhandedly, brushing frost off his shoulder. “But maybe I heard wrong. Could’ve been the wind.”
Max didn’t respond.
Oscar let the silence stretch for a moment before shrugging. “Well. Suit yourself.”
With that, he pushed off the archway and strode casually toward you, boots crunching against the frost-laden gravel.
Max didn’t move. His gaze followed Oscar with a cold, sharp focus, but his feet remained planted, weighed down by something heavier than pride.
Oscar’s figure grew smaller as he neared you.
And then, you looked up.
Your face softened in recognition, lips curving into a faint smile as your knight approached. Max’s chest tightened inexplicably.
“You’ve been out here a while, my lady,” Oscar remarked lightly, stopping beside the stone bench.
You laughed softly, the sound carrying faintly through the still air. “Longer than I meant to. Has it gotten that late already?”
“Late enough,” Oscar said, leaning slightly against the stone edge. “Cold enough too, I imagine.”
You exhaled, watching the breath curl away. “The cold’s not so bad.”
Oscar smirked. “If you say so. Though I passed Lord Max earlier. He was out here too.”
Your eyes lifted, blinking in quiet surprise. “Was he?”
Oscar hummed. “Looked like he was thinking about joining you. Or maybe just staring at you. Hard to tell with him.”
Your gaze flicked toward the distant paths, searching the empty garden.
Oscar watched you carefully. “Still might be lurking somewhere. Shadows seem to agree with him.”
You smiled faintly, but your eyes lingered on the hedgerows, thoughtful.
Oscar nudged a frost-coated pebble with his boot. “You know… if you wanted him here, you could just call him out. Maybe the shame will make his feet move.”
You glanced at him, arching a brow.
He smirked. “Just a thought, my Lady.”
Oscar pushed off the bench. “Come on. You’ll catch cold if you stay out much longer.”
As they turned to head back toward the manor, Max stood still, hidden beyond the hedges.
His hands clenched slowly at his sides.
And then, finally, he turned and walked away.
The frost crunched beneath his boots, louder than before.
The rest of the month at the Verstappen estate unfolded in slow, deliberate strokes, like the steady brush of winter wind against frosted glass.
The walls of cold formality between you and Max didn’t crumble overnight, but there were cracks now. Thin, hairline fractures where something softer threatened to seep through.
Max remained composed, distant, his every word and gesture measured. Yet every so often, something flickered.
A hesitation before he spoke. A glance that lingered longer than necessary.
Small, fleeting moments that barely seemed to matter, but they did. They built something fragile and new, fragile as frost on stone.
It started with the garden.
You had grown fond of the winter gardens. Quiet, stark, and untouched. The biting air sharpened your senses, and the stillness gave you space to breathe, something you often struggled to find within the Verstappen estate's cold, towering walls.
You were seated at the breakfast table one morning, fingers curled around your tea for warmth.
Your eyes traced the frost-laced hedgerows beyond the tall windows, lost in thought.
“I’ll accompany you today.”
The voice was quiet but certain, breaking through your reverie.
Your head snapped up.
Max stood across the room, a stack of documents in hand, his expression unreadable.
“…Pardon?”
His gaze didn’t waver. “To the gardens. I’ll walk with you.”
You stared at him, caught off guard. “You want to… walk. Outside. In the cold.”
A slight tilt of his head. “Yes.”
“You?”
His jaw tensed, a muscle ticking. “Is that so difficult to believe?”
“Frankly? Yes.” You set your teacup down carefully, studying him. “Don’t you have something far more important to do than trail after me like some-”
“I hardly think safeguarding my betrothed is beneath me,” he cut in smoothly, though something in his tone lacked its usual sharpness.
You raised a brow. “Safeguard me? Max, it’s a garden, not a battlefield.”
He didn’t answer, only held your gaze steadily.
A smile tugged at the corner of your mouth. “Well, far be it from me to refuse the protection of a lord.”
Max inclined his head, as if the matter was settled.
The cold met you both immediately as you stepped into the garden.
You drew your coat tighter. Max, of course, didn’t seem to notice the cold at all.
His steps were measured, boots crunching against the frost-dusted path. He kept half a step ahead of you, his hands clasped neatly behind his back.
The silence stretched. And stretched.
Then, abruptly-
“Those are evergreens.”
You blinked.
“…Yes. They are.”
Max gave a small nod, as if confirming a fact. “They endure the winter well.”
"That is typically how evergreens work."
Silence.
You bit your lip, fighting the smile threatening to surface.
Max cleared his throat, his eyes flicking forward again. "I thought it was worth mentioning."
"It was very insightful," you teased lightly.
His jaw tightened, though you noticed the faintest flush at the tips of his ears.
The silence stretched again, but it didn’t feel so suffocating now.
"I don’t…" he started, then stopped. His hands flexed behind his back. "I’m not particularly… good at this."
You tilted your head. "At walking?”
A sharp exhale, half a laugh, half frustration. "At this. Talking. Being-" he paused, as if the word itself burned. "-approachable."
You considered him for a moment. "You’re not as terrible as you think."
His eyes flicked to yours, uncertain.
"You just talk about trees a lot."
That earned a genuine huff of breath. Not quite a laugh, but close.
"I’ll… keep that in mind.”
Days slipped by like soft falling snow, quiet and unhurried. And so did the walks.
The first few outings had been brittle, every step and word sharp with awkwardness. But little by little, the stiffness began to melt.
It wasn’t anything grand, no sweeping gestures or sudden confessions, but something quieter. Subtle.
Max no longer fumbled for conversation, and you no longer waited for him to.
Sometimes you spoke. Sometimes you didn’t. And somehow, the silences became easier.
There was comfort in it, like the steady crunch of frost beneath your boots or the way your breath curled in the cold air.
It started with small things.
One morning, as you walked past a thicket of frost-covered hedges, Max slowed his pace, watching you with a flicker of curiosity.
“You always stop here.”
You glanced at him, surprised he noticed. “It’s peaceful.”
His eyes followed yours to the bare branches dusted in white.
“Hm.” He made a low sound of acknowledgment, then fell quiet.
The next day, you noticed he lingered near that spot, as if waiting for you to pause first.
He didn’t say anything, but it was enough.
Another morning, you stumbled slightly on the uneven path, your boot catching on a patch of ice.
Before you could right yourself, a steady hand caught your elbow.
You blinked, looking up.
Max’s hand hovered there, his grip careful but sure.
His expression was unreadable, but his touch was steady.
“You should watch your step,” he murmured.
You stared at him for a beat too long.
“I was,” you said finally, a little breathless.
His hand dropped back to his side, and he turned away before you could see the faint pink creeping up his neck.
The next day, the path had been salted.
You never mentioned it. Neither did he.
But the air between you felt lighter.
Then, there was the matter of the scarf.
It was colder than usual that morning. Bitter wind snuck through the layers of your coat and scarf, nipping at your skin.
Max noticed.
“You’re cold,” he said flatly.
You glanced at him, defensive. “It’s winter. Everyone’s cold.”
He was quiet for a moment. Then, without a word, he unwound the dark wool scarf from his neck and held it out to you.
You blinked.
“…What are you doing?”
“You need it more than I do.”
You stared at the scarf, then at him. “Max, I’m not going to take your scarf. That’s ridiculous.”
“It’s practical,” he replied, tone perfectly serious.
You huffed a laugh. “Oh, is it? And what about you?”
“I’ll manage.”
His expression didn’t waver.
After a long pause, you sighed and took the scarf from his hands.
It was warm. Warmer than yours, and it smelled faintly of cedar and something crisp, like winter air.
You looped it around your neck, hiding a small smile.
“Happy now?”
Max gave a short nod. “Good.”
The next day, he wore a thicker coat.
You said nothing.
Neither did he.
But his gaze lingered on the scarf around your neck.
And that was enough.
The silences softened after that.
Some days, Max would walk slightly ahead, hands behind his back, eyes on the path.
Other days, he matched your stride, quiet but near.
Once, as you passed a row of brittle rose bushes, you paused, brushing your glove over the thorns.
Max stopped beside you.
“They won’t bloom again until spring.”
“I know.”
He was quiet for a moment.
“They’re still... nice to look at,” he admitted.
You glanced at him.
“That’s surprisingly sentimental of you.”
A slight shrug. “They’re resilient. Even now.”
You smiled, soft and secret.
Another day, you caught him watching you when you laughed at something small. A small squirrel darting through the snow, slipping and scrambling back up a tree.
Max didn’t laugh, but something flickered in his eyes.
Not amusement.
Something warmer.
He looked away when you caught him, but you didn’t tease him for it.
The walks stretched longer. The conversations grew softer.
There were no grand declarations, no sweeping changes.
Just the slow, steady thaw of winter.
And for now, that was enough.
—-
It happened on an ordinary day, so ordinary that you couldn’t have guessed it would stand out for any reason at all.
You were sitting in the common room, absentmindedly flipping through a file, your thoughts half on the task and half on the cup of tea cooling beside you.
You were aware of Max nearby, as you always seemed to be. The two of you had taken to spending your quiet moments together for some reason.
He was seated at the far corner, half-hidden behind a stack of papers, his focus presumably locked on his work.
Or so you thought.
It wasn’t until you reached for your tea, your eyes lifting momentarily, that you noticed it. His gaze.
Max was staring at you.
It wasn’t a casual glance or a quick flicker of attention. His eyes were fixed, steady, like he was studying you without even realizing it.
There was something almost unreadable in his expression, his usual guarded demeanor softened by a hint of… curiosity? Thoughtfulness? You couldn’t quite place it.
For a moment, you froze, unsure what to do. Should you look away? Pretend you hadn’t noticed? Confront him?
The options raced through your mind in a tangle, but before you could decide, Max blinked, as though snapping out of a trance.
His gaze shifted back to the papers in front of him, his movements abrupt and uncharacteristically awkward.
He cleared his throat quietly, shuffling the documents with more focus than necessary.
You felt your cheeks warm, a faint heat creeping up your neck. It wasn’t like Max to lose his composure, even slightly.
You wondered what he’d been thinking. Or if he’d even realized what he was doing.
“Everything alright?” you asked, breaking the silence before it could stretch uncomfortably long. Your voice was casual, light, as though the moment hadn’t happened.
Max didn’t look up immediately, his jaw tightening for a fraction of a second. “Fine,” he said, his tone clipped, but there was a faint edge to it, something almost defensive.
You tilted your head, studying him for a beat longer. “You sure? You looked… distracted.”
He finally met your gaze, his expression unreadable again, but this time you thought you caught the faintest flicker of something.
Embarrassment, maybe, or irritation at being caught.
“I’m sure,” he said, his tone more even now.
“Alright,” you said lightly, turning back to your file with a small shrug. But your heart was still racing, and you couldn’t stop yourself from wondering what had just passed between you.
As the moments ticked by, you resisted the urge to glance at him again, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of his earlier stare.
The two of you found yourselves in the library again, a rare moment of calm amidst the usual chaos.
Max sat across from you, his attention drifting between the book in his hands and the room around him.
For once, he wasn’t buried in paperwork or fielding endless questions from others, and the quiet was almost comforting.
The soft rustle of turning pages and the muted hum of your own reading filled the air.
It was a stillness that wrapped around you both, unspoken but shared, a silence that felt like an unacknowledged truce.
Until the peace fractured.
A faint groan of wood sliced through the quiet, subtle at first but growing louder, sharper. You frowned, your eyes flicking upward from your book.
Max noticed the sound too, his head tilting slightly as his attention shifted.
“What was that?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.
Max didn’t answer right away, his eyes narrowing as the groaning intensified. “Stay here,” he muttered, already rising from his chair.
But before either of you could move further, the source of the noise revealed itself.
The tall shelf in the corner swayed unnaturally, its weight shifting in a way that made your stomach twist.
“Max-” you started, panic creeping into your voice.
And then it happened. The shelf gave way.
Books tumbled from its upper shelves like a cascade of water, filling the air with dull thuds and sharp cracks.
The massive structure pitched toward you, and you froze, your feet rooted in place.
“Move!” a voice yelled.
You barely registered the shout before a strong hand grabbed your arm, yanking you back with such force that your book flew from your grasp.
Your back slammed into something solid. Someone’s chest.
A deafening crash filled the room as the shelf slammed into the ground, its impact sending vibrations through the floor.
Books scattered in every direction, some sliding to a stop at your feet.
“Are you okay?” Max’s voice was sharp, edged with panic. His hand still gripped your arm, his knuckles white from the effort.
You turned toward him, your breath coming in short, uneven gasps. “I… I think so.”
His eyes darted over you, scanning for any sign of injury. “Did it hit you?” he asked, his voice quieter but no less urgent.
“No,” you managed. “I’m fine. Just… shaken.”
Max exhaled sharply, his shoulders sagging as some of the tension left him.
He dropped his hand from your arm, stepping back to give you space, but his gaze stayed locked on you.
“I should’ve seen it coming,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “I knew it was old..” He trailed off, his jaw tightening.
You shook your head, still trying to steady your breathing. “You couldn’t have known it would fall like that.”
His brow furrowed, frustration flickering across his face. “I should’ve checked it. What if-” He cut himself off, his jaw working as he looked away.
“It didn’t,” you said firmly. “You pulled me out of the way. That’s what matters.”
Max’s expression didn’t soften. If anything, his frown deepened. “This shouldn’t have happened in the first place. I should’ve-”
“Stop,” you interrupted, your voice firmer than you expected. “Max, you can’t blame yourself. You didn’t push the shelf. You didn’t make it fall.”
He met your gaze then, his eyes dark and filled with a storm of emotions. “But I could’ve stopped it,” he said quietly, almost to himself.
You hesitated, unsure how to respond. The raw guilt in his voice surprised you. It was rare to see Max shaken. You didn't even think it possible.
“You did stop it. At least for me,” you said softly.
He stared at you for a moment, his expression unreadable.
Finally, he sighed and stepped toward the wreckage. “This is a mess,” he muttered, his tone shifting to something more clipped, controlled. “I’ll get someone to clean it up. You should go sit down. Get some air.”
You followed his gaze to the pile of broken wood and scattered books. The sight made your stomach twist, but you forced yourself to speak. “I’ll help. I was here too.”
“No,” Max said quickly, holding up a hand. “You’ve had enough of a scare for one day. Just… take a break, alright?”
You hesitated, then nodded reluctantly. “Fine. But only because you asked.”
Max gave a short, almost reluctant nod in return. “Good. I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
As you turned to leave, you glanced back at him. He was already moving toward the debris, his focus shifting entirely to the mess. But the tension in his shoulders hadn’t eased, and you knew he’d be carrying the weight of what could have happened for a while.
And so would you.
—-
The realization that you fancied Max struck with all the subtlety of a thunderclap.
You fancied your fiancé. Oh, God. You fancied your fiancé.
The thought struck you like a bolt of lightning, the weight of it settling heavily in your chest as you paced back and forth across your room.
With each step, the walls of the room seemed to shrink around you, the air thick with the suffocating pressure of your own spiraling thoughts.
How had this happened? Why him? Of all people, why Max?
Stoic, distant Max, the man you barely even knew.
“It’s a trick of the mind. A reaction to circumstance,” you whispered, the words directed at your own reflection in the mirror.
Your face was pinched, your brow furrowed, and your eyes wide with a mixture of dread and something… else.
You rubbed at your temples, as though the act might banish the errant thoughts swirling in your mind.
“It’s admiration,” you said aloud, as if hearing the words would make them true. “Respect for his… demeanor. His resolve.”
You faltered, the image of Max flickering to life in your mind.
His measured gaze, the faint crease at the corner of his mouth when he was deep in thought.
The way his presence seemed to command the air around him.
Stop it.
“Lily!” you called out suddenly, your voice higher than you intended, panic rising sharply in your throat. “Lily, please, come here!”
The door creaked open, and Lily entered with her usual composed air, her eyes softening as soon as she took in the sight of your distress.
“My Lady, what’s wrong? You look...” she trailed off, hesitation in her tone as she glanced at you, clearly noting the unease written across your face.
“Don’t even say it,” you interrupted quickly, pressing your palms to your temples in an effort to stave off the rising panic. “I’m losing my mind, Lily. I think... I think I have feelings for Max.”
Lily regarded you for a long moment, her expression unreadable, but there was a subtle shift in her eyebrow.
A hint of intrigue that you couldn’t quite place. She did not seem surprised.
“Max?” she asked, her voice calm, though the faintest hint of something stirred in her eyes. “As in, your betrothed, Lord Max Verstappen?”
“Yes! That Max!” you exclaimed, turning toward her with wide, frantic eyes, feeling the chaos inside you deepen with every word you spoke. “What other Max would I be talking about?!”
Lily paused for a moment, her eyes assessing you, the soft lines of her face betraying no judgment, only careful understanding.
Finally, she spoke, her tone even, but with an edge of something like amusement.
“Well,” she said thoughtfully, “I’m glad it’s not hatred you’re feeling.”
You blinked, surprised at her response. “What?”
She gave you a small, wry smile, her hands folding gently in front of her. “I’m glad you don’t detest the man you’re engaged to. That’s a start, isn’t it? At least you’re not loathing him.”
You gaped at her, your mind still reeling from the gravity of your own emotions. “But this isn’t nothing, Lily! This isn’t just some passing fancy. I can’t stop thinking about him. Every time he’s near, I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. I don’t know how to act around him. It’s like- like he’s too close and I’m too far from myself.”
Lily’s gaze softened, but she did not rush to soothe you with easy words.
She tilted her head slightly, her voice measured but firm. “Feelings like these don’t appear overnight, My Lady. They don’t disappear either. But you’re right. You don’t know him very well yet. You’ve got time to work this out, slowly. You don’t have to have it all figured out now.”
You nodded, but the knot in your stomach only tightened as a new wave of uncertainty washed over you.
“I don’t know what to do with all of this, Lily. What if I say something wrong? What if I act like a fool in front of him? What if... what if he doesn’t care at all?”
Lily stepped closer to you, her presence steady, constant.
“Then he doesn’t,” she said simply. “If he doesn’t care, then... then you’ll be no worse off than you are now, My Lady. But know this: no other woman is taking him from you. He’s already yours. That’s settled.”
Her words settled over you like a weight.
He was already yours.
There was no escaping the finality of it, the truth in her calm tone.
The idea that you didn’t need to chase after him, that he was already tied to you in ways you couldn’t control, both unsettled and reassured you.
“I’m not even sure I want him, though,” you murmured, the words tumbling out before you could stop them. “I don’t even know what this is. What if I’m just... confused? What if it’s just... attachment? I mean, he’s always there, he’s my betrothed, but- he’s not-”
“Stop,” Lily’s voice sliced through your spiraling thoughts. “You don’t need to understand it all right now. You don’t need to be sure of your feelings just because you’ve realized them.”
You took a slow breath, your chest tight as you tried to keep your composure.
Her words were soothing in their simplicity, but they didn’t change your feelings. “I just... I don’t know what to do with all this. It’s too much. Too fast. I can’t keep up.”
You let the words hang in the air, unsure if you were speaking to her or to yourself.
Lily gave you a small, understanding smile, though it was tinged with a trace of amusement.
She didn’t speak for a moment, as though carefully weighing her response. “Then take it slow, my Lady. You’re allowed to feel all of this, in your own time. You don’t have to rush to make sense of it. No one’s going to force you to figure it out on anyone else’s schedule.”
A tiny sense of relief swept over you, but the knot in your stomach still refused to loosen.
You glanced at the door, as though the mere idea of being near Max would send everything crashing down again.
“So... you’re saying I can avoid him... for a while?”
Lily raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed with the suggestion. “Avoid him?” she repeated, the edge of disbelief creeping into her voice. “My Lady, if I may-"
“But I can?” you pressed, cutting her off, eyes wide with urgency. “You said I could take my time, right? Well, avoiding him sounds like taking my time to me.”
Lily sighed, the sound long and heavy, as though you were testing her patience. “Yes, My Lady, your free will does indeed allow you to avoid him, if that’s truly what you wish.”
A spark of triumph flickered inside you.
“Perfect.” You stood straighter, a plan forming in your mind. “Call for Sir Lando and Sir Oscar.”
Lily’s eyebrows furrowed as she eyed you suspiciously. “What for, My Lady?”
You gave her an almost manic grin, feeling the tension in your shoulders ease slightly as your plan took shape. “They’re going to help me.”
“Help you... with avoiding your betrothed?” Lily asked slowly, a hint of disbelief creeping into her voice. She crossed her arms, studying you with a bemused expression.
“Yes,” you replied firmly, not an ounce of hesitation in your voice. “They’ll help me stay away from him. They’ll distract him, tell him I’m busy with... other things.”
Lily opened her mouth to respond but stopped herself, narrowing her eyes at you as if you had just suggested something ludicrous.
“My Lady,” she said, her voice dipping into a tone of mild reproach, “I must say, I don’t think that’s the most productive course of action.”
“Oh, please.” You threw your hands up dramatically. “I’m just trying to buy myself some time here. I can’t face him, not with these... feelings…whatever they are…bubbling up every time I even think about him. If I can just avoid him for a little while, I can breathe again.”
Lily shook her head, a small, resigned smile playing on her lips. “I don’t think this is the solution you’re looking for, My Lady. But if you insist on this... strategy, I can’t stop you.”
You raised an eyebrow, suddenly intrigued by the shift in her tone. “You can stop me, can’t you? You’re my lady’s maid. You’re supposed to stop me from making poor decisions.”
Lily raised an eyebrow right back at you. “I’m also supposed to help you navigate poor decisions, not prevent them entirely. And right now, this is just one of many decisions I’m going to let you make on your own.”
She paused, eyeing you carefully. “But just know, avoiding him isn’t going to give you the answers you need. It’ll only prolong the inevitable.”
You smiled sweetly, still not convinced. “Sometimes, a little delay is exactly what I need. Besides, it’s not like he’s going anywhere. We’re betrothed, after all.”
“That you are,” Lily replied, her tone becoming slightly sharper. “Which is exactly why you shouldn’t be avoiding him. You’ve got time, but you also have a responsibility to work through your feelings. Even if it’s uncomfortable.”
You glanced toward the door, already plotting the next phase of your plan. “I’ll figure it out. But in the meantime, I’m going to need some assistance.”
Lily sighed again, louder this time.
She didn’t speak for a long moment, her gaze flicking to the door as though she were silently debating whether or not to humor you.
Finally, she gave a small nod. “Very well. I’ll fetch Sir Lando and Sir Oscar. But I’m warning you, My Lady, this avoidance strategy won’t last long.”
You grinned triumphantly as she turned to leave. “Thank you, Lily. You’re the best.”
As she stepped out of the room, you sank back into your chair, letting your mind wander to the next step of your plan.
You weren’t entirely sure what you were doing, but it felt better than facing Max and trying to make sense of the chaos swirling inside you.
For now, avoiding him was the only option that seemed remotely manageable.
When Lily returned with your knights, they each looked at you with varying degrees of confusion and amusement, but you gave them a firm, confident look.
This plan was going to work.
You could make it work.
“Alright,” you said, standing tall, as though the sheer gravity of your decision had transformed you into a seasoned military strategist. “Here’s the plan. We’re going to make sure Max never sees me again.”
A pause hung in the air, heavy and expectant.
“Or at least… not for a while.”
Lando and Oscar exchanged a glance. Lando’s lips twitched upward, the beginnings of a grin playing at the corners of his mouth, while Oscar’s furrowed brow and pursed lips betrayed his confusion.
“Right,” Lando said finally, leaning back and crossing his arms. His tone was equal parts incredulous and amused. “This ought to be good. What, exactly, do you want us to do, my Lady? This sounds like it’s going to be excellent for my boredom.”
Oscar’s expression tightened further. “You can’t be serious,” he muttered, half to himself, his arms now folded.
You straightened your back, summoning all the confidence you could muster. “I am entirely serious. From this moment forward, I have suddenly become… extremely busy.”
Oscar blinked. “Busy,” he repeated flatly.
“Yes, busy,” you replied, the words tumbling out with an exaggerated air of importance. “So busy, in fact, that I won’t have a single moment to spare. And I need you two to help make sure that’s… believable.”
Lando arched an eyebrow, a grin now fully blossoming on his face. “Wait, let me get this straight. You want us to..what? Fabricate your life for a bit?”
“Exactly,” you said with a flourish of your hand, as though the absurdity of your request was irrelevant. “A little misdirection here, a well-timed excuse there. Between the two of you, I’m sure you can come up with something convincing.”
Lando let out a low whistle, shaking his head in mock disbelief. “So, you’re asking us to keep Max, the man who has been running this house like a clock, distracted? To throw him off the scent entirely?”
“Precisely,” you said, lifting your chin.
Oscar looked less amused and more concerned, his practical nature coming to the forefront. “And what exactly is this plan supposed to achieve? You think if we keep him occupied for long enough, he’ll just… forget about you? You do realize who we’re talking about, right?”
“I don’t need him to forget,” you replied quickly, your voice rising slightly in pitch. “I just need him to be… preoccupied. Thoroughly distracted. He can’t be allowed to think about me, let alone come looking for me.”
Lando, who had been quietly observing, suddenly burst out laughing. “This is incredible. You’re trying to dodge the one man who could probably find you in his sleep.”
Oscar sighed again after a moment , clearly reluctant. “Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Excellent,” you said, clapping your hands together. “Now, let’s get to work.”
As Lando leaned back in his chair, still grinning, and Oscar reluctantly nodded his agreement, you couldn’t help but feel a surge of triumph. Surely, this would work. How hard could it be to outmaneuver Max Emilian Verstappen?
You tried to ignore the nagging voice in the back of your mind whispering that you might have just made a very, very big mistake.
—-
Permanent tag list:
@papichulomacy
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deepspace-scenarios · 26 days ago
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[scenario/drabble] Take a bite
LIs react when you have a squabble with them and use "bite me" as a retort. (You give them an opportunity, and they gladly take it) Genre: Fluff, TW: suggestiveness
SYLUS
The argument over which movie to watch dissolves into playful bickering, and Sylus lounges on the couch with that infuriating smirk.
He agreed to watch your pick right after casually commenting on how it is overrated.
"Bite me," you huff, crossing your arms. His crimson eyes darken instantly. 
"Oh, kitten," he murmurs, closing the distance between you languidly. "You shouldn't make that sort of threat."
Before you can react, his teeth graze your neck- just sharp enough to make you gasp. He pulls back slightly, and you feel his tongue dart out to soothe the skin. "Still feeling stubborn?" 
His hand slides up the back of your neck. "Or should I leave more marks to prove my point?" 
A thrilling wave of excitement curls through you, and you can't hide the grin that spreads over your face. “Is that a threat or a promise?”
He exhales, slow and measured, backing you into the corner of the couch. “It can be anything, kitten... But I can see that you want it. So it doesn’t change what I’m going to do,”
You tilt your chin up in a challenge. “Go ahead then, I’d love to see you prove your point,”
“As you wish,” he murmurs, lips touching your pulse point before he sinks his teeth into the soft skin, letting out a low hum when your fingers thread into his silver locks. 
“Someone's enjoying themselves,” he purrs, warm breath fanning over your skin as he nips at the sensitive patch again. 
Then the warmth vanishes, along with his looming presence. He reappears, leaning back against the couch just next to you.
Red-black mist coils around your waist, and you find yourself being seated, facing the TV, on his lap.
“Regardless, we still have to watch the movie,”
You scramble off with a huff, then straddle his lap- facing him this time. “I'm not watching any stupid movie when you are doing all that. Like you said, I was enjoying myself there-”
He smirks, hands finding their way around your waist.
“It's good to see you being honest about it, kitten. I like that.” His lips graze your collarbone, and you let out a shaky breath as he starts creating one out of many red imprints that bloom on your skin.
_____
XAVIER
The groceries on the counter are separated into two neat piles- yours, his. Not that it matters too much, you two are in each other's apartments often enough that snacks are always shared. But the groceries aren't for tonight, since it'll be your weekly night out with Xavier.
You’re debating the best BBQ restaurant in the city, and he is stubbornly saying nothing can compare to wagyu yakiniku when you snap, "Bite me!" 
Xavier blinks, then tilts his head like you’ve presented him with a fascinating riddle. 
"If you insist," he murmurs, and in less than a blink he is lifting your wrist to his mouth. His teeth press gently into your skin, more a caress than a bite. 
When he pulls back slightly, his lips brush the spot. "There," he muses. 
“Xavi!” You laugh, half-heartedly flicking his forehead.
"Done as requested.”
“But Xavi,” you argue, unaware of the heat in his downcast eyes. “K-BBQ is still the best to me,”
“Alright,” he says placidly, fingers tracing your skin, gaze still on your wrist.
Then he bites.
You gasp, instinctively yanking your hand back- but his grip is tight.
“Isn't this what you asked me to do?” He asks, blue eyes finally meeting yours in that familiar soft, innocent gaze.
But you know better.
You narrow your eyes at him, “Don't you gaslight me,”
“I concede, whatever you choose is better,” he says distractedly, eyes dark as he pulls you closer. “If you let me have just one more bite- I'll agree to go to whichever restaurant you pick,”
He lets you pick the restaurant- but he also leaves far more than just one bite.
____
ZAYNE  
It’s a weekend where Zayne has both days off, and he’s at yours, planning out your day. Visiting a bookstore, then a stroll in the park, grocery shopping, then dinner. Problem is, he doesn’t want to go to the new cafe despite its stellar reviews for both sweets and drinks.
"Bite me," you grumble after losing yet another debate on why the cafe’s carrot cakes are worth a try. It’s the third attempt this week at persuading him to go.
Even if you’d put a slideshow together on reasons why it’s worth, he probably wouldn’t budge. 
Zayne glances at you, his gaze cool and tinged with slight judgement. "Unhygienic." But then his grip tightens on your waist, pulling you flush against him. 
"However," he says, voice dropping, "if you’re requesting a demonstration of my jaw strength-" 
His teeth sink into your shoulder, just shy of painful. You yelp, arching against him, and he smirks against your skin. 
Dammit. He really hates carrots enough to play dirty- and now you have another problem. You like it.
"I can stop." He murmurs, lips brushing where he'd just bitten.
You inhale a shaky breath as you grip his arms. “Zayne-”
“Mm?”
“Do it again,” you whisper, letting your fingers trail up his forearms.
His breath hitches, and his eyes turn sharper. “I wasn't expecting such a strong effect,”
“You're the one changing the independent variable, doctor Zayne,”
He sits you on the kitchen counter and mouths at another patch of skin- just near your collarbone, “More data is needed to support this hypothesis, then,”
Between kisses and bites, you hazily think- maybe your effort in persuading him is worth it in the end.
_____
RAFAYEL 
There’s no doubt Rafayel had incredible talent, but the price of art could be baffling at times. Especially the amounts people were willing to shell out during auctions. 
You took a playful jab at him about his abstract painting just as you were unwrapping a few sandwiches and pastries to share with him. This led to the food being forgotten, and Rafayel’s passionate vent on why abstract art had its place. 
You play along, genuinely interested in his perspective- but enjoying his reactions even more.
"Bite me!" you retort mid-argument.
Rafayel gasps, clutching his chest. "Savage!" 
Then he grins, wicked. "But since you asked so boldly..." In a flash, he’s pinned you to the couch, nipping at your collarbone.
You squirm, trying to kick at him half-heartedly.
"Mmm, delicious," he hums against your skin.
“Don’t eat me, food’s right there!”
His laughter is bright as you shove him off, but he's quick to hook an arm around your waist and bring you onto his lap. “Food can wait,” he says before biting down lightly on your skin again.
When you try to flick him on the forehead, he catches your wrist. “Hey now, you tried to talk smack about art, and now you’re going back on your word- that’s two strikes in one shift, Miss Bodyguard,”
You drop a quick kiss onto his forehead, and he lets out a small huff. “That wasn’t your bodyguard speaking, she’s very professional. It’s just me now,”
“In that case, cutie-” His lips capture yours in a kiss, his eyes promising he’s far from done. “I hope you’re ready for more.”
_____
CALEB 
It was one time that you got lost on the way to meet him, and Caleb has never let you live it down ever since. He has his car keys in hand, ready to leave home, when you tell him you can guide him to the new ramen shop. And here he is, grinning at you with his arms crossed.
Your sense of direction is perfectly fine.
"Bite me," you challenge. 
Caleb’s grin turns wolfish. "You sure?" he asks, already crowding you against the wall. 
You nod- of course you know your way around the city. He can't keep holding a single incident against you.
Caleb, however, has other things on his mind. He ducks his head, his teeth scraping your earlobe. 
“Caleb- what are you doing?!”
“You told me to,” he murmurs, his breath hot against your skin. You find yourself suppressing a shiver.
“Not literally!” You yelp when he bites again, this time at the soft skin below your ear.
"Damn, pips," he murmurs, "Should’ve remembered you taste this good-”
You feel your face heat up from hearing his voice, low and rough- the way it gets when he's ready to toss aside any plans for you- what follows is usually dizzying pleasure.
“You're getting all quiet now,” he teases, pulling you in.
“Caleb- wait, dinner-”
His hands roam lower, pulling you in. "Do you really think I’d pass up on a chance like this? Now... where else should I bite?"
(Note: this was inspired by how it's technically canon that Sylus is bitey and I thought hm well what if something made all of them want to bite? and it turned out very fun to write teehee thanks for reading <3)
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xiao-come-home · 14 days ago
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Thinking about being enthralled by mydei, anaxa and phainon's beauty,, gn!reader, implied to have hair in phainon's part. 900+ words. On this blog we're delusional until it becomes real 😔🤚 THEY WILL BE HAPPY.
Mydei:
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"You... You're so beautiful," your palms cradle Mydei's cheeks, your thumb emphasizes your words as it rubs up and down in a repeated motion, "you're just like a painting... No, better, better than this. I can't keep my eyes off you."
Mydei's arms hold your waist tightly as you straddle his lap; he knows everything you say is true. Your eyes sparkle with adoration, you're quite literally mesmerized by him.
He breaks the eye contact, sighs, and eventually looks at the ordinary floor behind you. His eyebrows furrow ever so slightly, but not in anger - rather, in shyness. His cheeks slowly gain a beautiful vermilion color, crumbling his facade.
"I want to look at you for eternity, until I lose my eyesight—"
"Love, please—"
You squish his cheeks in response, puckering out his lips and giving them a kiss.
"Ah! Perhaps this is not a blessing, but a curse. Carved by the gods themselves, sent to endlessly tempt me!"
This isn't the first time you've cried over Mydei's shockingly good appearance, but for some reason, you manage to outdo yourself and make Mydei's cheeks burn hotter than previously every time.
Your hand now traces his red markings tenderly, "This is ridiculous... How, how?! Nothing can compare to you, Mydeimos. Your dashing looks! It hurts me like a dagger, but the pain is so sweet, it makes me addicted to it!"
Mydei takes the remaining palm off his face, easily encasing your hand in his and resting it on your thigh.
"Calm down. I... Appreciate your words, but there's no need for drastic measures like this," he explains calmly, yet, his voice is somewhat timid.
"Absolutely not. It can't end like this," you begin to fumble with your shirt, undoing the buttons in haste.
"Love, don't, we're in public—"
"I need to preserve this beauty. There's no time to waste."
Anaxa:
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"If only you paid the same amount of attention to my lecture instead of slacking off the entire time," Anaxa's tired tone hits your ears as he turns around to face you, crossing his arms, "care to explain what was so entertaining on my face that you had to stare?"
You approach Anaxa slowly, wrapping your arms around his hips and placing your chin on his crossed arms; at this point, you can't battle the incoming grin on your face.
"Anaxa—"
"—goras,"
You clear your throat, "Anaxagoras, your unmatched beauty has blinded me. Your soft, mint hair embracing your face so elegantly, your body held me in a trance, built so perfectly... Although your teaching carries wisdom others can only dream of, my mind could only focus on the sound coming past your soft lips, ah! Almost as if a choir of godly beings whispered in my ears, enveloping me in a hold so warm."
Anaxa's usual, blank expression scrunches up at the end of your sentence, offering you only a raised brow.
"I was about to fall for your myriad of grand terminologies. Unfortunately, you ruined it at the very finish. What a shame," his turquoise eye bore into yours. A slight pain rushes to your forehead, as Anaxa's fingers give it a flick; with a whine, one of your arms lets go of his hips and begins to rub the pain away.
"And yet, you still can't get enough of me," you stick out your tongue at Anaxa playfully.
One of his hands pushes your chin up, while the other moves your hand away from your forehead, soothing the pain he inflicted earlier with his very own, "Perhaps I don't mind making my life more difficult than it should be."
While his words may be harsh, Anaxa's lips land upon your forehead - contradictory for some, reassuring for you.
Phainon:
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"Phainon, you're cruel."
The white-haired male lays comfortably on the bed with your head on his chest. He plays with your hair gently, careful not to make any knots. He opens only one eye to glance at you, smiling.
"You're up to something, I know it! So, what did I do this time?" Phainon asks almost in excitement, anticipating your reply.
"Phainon. Why are you so beautiful? Everything about you is perfect. Your pearly white hair, almost like the newly fallen snow, your perfect ocean-like eyes that I drown in every day. The way your hand fits in mine, like we've been made for each other,"
His sapphire eyes widened, staring directly into yours as you propped yourself on your elbow to look at him. His mouth opened, but he was swiftly cut off by your words yet again.
"You know, your smile melts my worries away. I love the way the corners of your lips go up even when you see me from a distance. And I love how squishy your cheeks are..." You pinch his cheek, earning a shy laugh from your boyfriend.
He catches your hand by the wrist and brings it to his lips - his eyes close, but Phainon kisses your fingers before peeking back at you with a grin.
"How can you say that about me, when I have you?" He brings your hand close to his cheek, nuzzling into it, "You are perfect. Your voice, your eyes, your nose, even everything you consider as your imperfections - is what makes me love you even more."
Despite his touching words, you don't fall for his trap.
"Phainon, you know I'm right. It's you."
"Is that so? Personally, I think I'm more right than you," he blows a raspberry on your wrist, chuckling at your offended huff.
"Your confidence sickens me. Your eyelashes are so stunning! Mine can only wish to be like this!"
Phainon retaliates, "My eyelashes? Your eyebrows have the most perfect shape that exists. I know because I counted every hair."
And thus, you've opened a Pandora's box of never-ending discussion.
Wait... What did he just say?
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floorpancakes · 2 years ago
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i like to copy paste my denial ridden overconfident but secretly confused and spooked to late bloomer nb experience onto watanuki because it makes sense with his canon personality and experiences but ALSO its so funny to imagine him waking up one day and being slapped with pronouns directly to the face like a clown pie to a clowns face
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flwrstqr · 1 year ago
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CALL ME YOURS !! (LHS - 이희승)
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SYNOPSIS: ever since you broke up with your ex, choi jiho, who cheated on you with another girl, you have always wanted to get revenge. when you meet jiho again at school, to prove you were over him and had met a better man, you told him you were meeting someone. you lied and told him you were meeting a random guy who you pointed at on your school's bulletin board for being the top student in the whole school. coincidentally, that guy was lee heeseung, known for his quiet and smart personality. then jiho demands to meet him in real life, hand-in-hand with you, which now you have a huge problem. first, you have to find heeseung, and next, you have to date him.
pairing: topstudent!heeseung x popularstudentfem!reader
genre: fake dating, s2l, romance, high school au, sunshine x cold
warning(s): reader + heeseung being in denial, your ex cheated, kissing, inspired by a k-drama (i forgot which one), two of them being awfully awkward at first, swearing, grammar errors, party, lots of love confusions, does say that winter is dating beomgyu, punching, fighting
word count: 7k
AN: guys im back with a long au, i never really write long aus, so this is slightly new to me. i did proofread it but not super thoroughly so if i made any mistakes, my bad for that .
taglist: @yenqa @mylstserenade @jlheon @naespas @jooniesbears-blog @erehkinnie30 @wonifullove @miumiuisme @shawnyle @dimplewonie @beomluvrr @jiaant11 @teddywonss
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ALL YOU WANTED WAS REVENGE. Sweet revenge against your idiotic ex, Choi Jiho.You remember the moment you walked into the girls locker room to go deliver something to your PE coach, only to find the room “empty”. It hit you like a ton of bricks when you stumbled upon Jiho, locking lips with your “supposed” best friend, Kim Haeun, in the girl’s locker room Lip on lip, eyes closed, moving in sync. Heart shattered, tears streaming, you bolted, tripping over a basket of equipment and scraping your knees quickly catching attention of Jiho. His voice trailed after you, calling your name as you fled into the distance.
Losing both your best friend and your boyfriend cut deep. Being single was one thing, but being unable to find anyone who measured up to Jiho was another.
"YN, your standards for men are too high!" Karina remarked from the bleachers during PE.
You shrugged. "They've always been high." For the past 4 months, no one was your type compared to Jiho, the perfect boyfriend in your eyes: tall, handsome, a football player, rich, and occasionally nice.
"It's because of that disgusting asshole," Ningning scoffed.
"He isn't disgusting!" you retorted.
"YN, you need to get over him. This is just becoming toxic, plus you dumped him in front of the whole school ," Giselle chimed in. She was right. You vividly recalled the moment, twenty minutes before the bell, eyes swollen from crying all night but disguised behind makeup, replaying yesterday's scene you witnessed in your mind.
"YN!" Jiho's voice snapped you back to reality, his figure rushing towards you.
"Can we talk?" he asked, breathless.
"Talk about how you fucking cheated on me? Fine, I'll hear you out," you yelled, drawing everyone's attention.
"Can you keep it down, YN?" Jiho snapped.
"Sure I’ll quiet it down when I want to. Go to your girlfriend, Haeun. Why does she have to be my best friend, out of all people?" you glared.
"YN, let's talk inside," Jiho groaned, irritated.
"No, we're done. I never wanted you anyway, you asshole. Just fuck off," you spat, the words stinging even as they left your mouth The next thing you knew the scene spreaded like wildfire at school.
"Are you okay?" Minjeong asked as you sobbed at the lunch table.
"Listen, YN, Jiho wasn't worth it. You saw what you saw," Karina tried to console.
"I don't know... it's just over now," you murmured, head in your hands.
"Maybe it's a sign to find someone better," Ningning suggested.
"I don't know..." you whispered, feeling lost, unable to move on.
“I’m for sure there’s someone way better than him.” Giselle added (biggest lie you ever heard).
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MONTHS PASSED AND YOU FOUND YOURSELF IN THE LIBRARY, lending a hand to the librarian in organizing books before school started. As you went about your duties, dropping off books and preparing to fetch more, the one and only, Jiho, stood by the school bulletin board waiting for you. It had been months since the breakup, and yet, the wound was still fresh, a constant reminder of the pain (really yn..)
"I wanted to say a word," Jiho awkwardly mumbled, eyeing you for a reaction, his hands in his pockets.
You reluctantly agreed, "Fine, make it quick. I'm busy."
"I broke up with Haeun," he stated, the words hanging in the air.
"What?" Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. 
"I ended things with Kim Haeun," he said more firmly. His words sank in, but confusion lingered. But why was he telling you this now? Then it hit you—he wanted you back. Yet, on a day when you missed him, you suddenly felt nothing. He had left you for another girl (well, technically, you dumped him), betrayed you, and now he came back because you were his second choice?
"Why are you telling me this?" You managed to maintain calm.
"I still like you, YN LN," he confessed, causing your eyes to widen. You bit your lip, before you could accept his confession like your 5 minute ago self would. Your heart didn’t thump like it did when you were around him. Your hands weren’t sweaty like they were when he looked at you before. Your mind wasn’t racing like it was when Jiho confessed to you for the first time, months ago. It was nothing like any of that–you just felt empty and cold.
"I'm seeing someone," you blurted out, realizing the lie you had just said. Crossing your fingers, you hoped he wouldn't ask about the identity of your "so-said boyfriend"
"Who?" he inquired, raising his eyebrow. Desperately searching for an excuse, your eyes landed on the bulletin board, displaying a list of top students and their ID photos.
Rushing over, you pointed at the first photo and name you saw, "That guy," you said, reading his name, "...Lee Heeseung! I'm dating him."
"Oh, really?" Jiho cast a skeptical glance between you and the photo, a smirk playing on his lips. "Then," he leaned in closer, "how about you introduce me to him, hand-in-hand, next week? I want to see if he's worthy of you." Panic rushed in you, and your throat went dry. You forced a smile and nodded in reluctant agreement.
"Sure," you replied.
"Great, see you next week," Jiho said, turning and walking away. You were officially doomed. Now, you have to find this Lee Heeseung and give him a deal.
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YOU WANDERED DURING LUNCH, TRYING TO FIND HEESEUNG. You only heard about him because he got a perfect score on the hardest SAT exams, but you didn't really pay attention.
"Heeseung? Sorry, I don’t know who he is," a girl replied when you asked her about Heeseung.
"It's okay," you smiled politely and left, feeling frustrated.
"I'll never find him," you groaned to Karina, who was with you while you asked everyone about Heeseung.
"Why did you lie to Jiho then? I thought you weren’t over him. Last night, you were giggling at how cute Jiho is and how much you want him back," Karina asked, taking a bite of her apple.
"I don’t know. He was just using me. I knew it because he and Haeun broke up," you explained, letting out a soft sigh. "He saw me as a second option, and I got into this mess because I lied to him about having a boyfriend who's probably some ugly nerd."
"I told you he was using you the entire time! But you didn’t trust me!" Karina scolded you.
"Sorry, I was just blind back then," you mumbled.
Before your last attempt, you walked up to a boy and asked the same question you’d been asking everyone.
"Do you know Lee Heeseung by any chance?" you asked. The boy's eyes widened, and a big grin spread across his face.
"Yes, I do! For what reason?" the boy quickly replied. For the first time, someone knew who he was.
"Do you know where he is then?" you inquired, hoping he could help.
"I do. I’m close friends with him. Come, I’ll show you where he is," the boy replied as you followed him, waving to Karina goodbye.
As the two of you awkwardly made up the long staircase, you arrived at the rooftop of the school. When the boy opened the door, a lonely figure sat by the table, reading a book.
"Heeseung!" the boy called out, causing the figure, supposedly Heeseung, to turn around.
"What, Jungwon?" Heeseung raised his eyebrow, quickly glancing at you and then back at Jungwon.
"YN was looking for you," Jungwon quickly said, nudging you to speak. Heeseung obviously knew who you were, known for dating Jiho and your soft-delicate visuals.
You walked towards him awkwardly, “Uhm…can we talk privately?” Slightly glancing at Jungwon, signaling him to leave quietly. As Jungwon left quietly, you cleared your throat.
“So…” you started off a bit nervous, “I need some help?”
"What help?" Heeseung answered a bit coldly, “If it’s anything studying related, I’m not interested-”
"I need help dating," you blurted, realizing what you had just said.
"What?" Heeseung gave you a puzzled look, "Dating what?"
"I lied to Jiho. Okay, I don’t have interest in you or even Jiho. I lied to him saying that I’m meeting you," you spilled the news. Heeseung had an empty look on his face as you tried to read his expression.
“Why me?” Heeseung arched his eyebrow.
“You were the first name I saw,” you explained, “So can you fake date me? I need it, please,” you pleaded, hoping he would accept your request.
"No, I’m not interested," he turned around, quickly getting his book to start reading again. Your jaw dropped, no one had ever rejected you like that.
"What?" you spat, feeling terrible that you got rejected for the first time.
"I’m not interested in you or in dating. So, I strongly believe that I shouldn’t do it," he said, quickly focusing his attention on his book.
“I’ll do anything!” you begged, feeling desperate.
"Anything?" Heeseung quickly averted his attention to you, dropping his book slightly to make eye contact with you.
"Yes, anything. I’ll do anything," you replied, hoping he would accept it.
"Then introduce me to her," Heeseung answered. You looked confused.
"Who's her?" you raised your eyebrow.
Heeseung’s cheek slightly blushed, it was the first time you saw him so embarrassed. “Karina,” he mumbled under his breath. Suddenly it clicked—he was interested in Karina, your best friend.
You gave an eager look, “Deal! I’ll introduce you to her after all of the fake dating.” You pulled out your hand.
"Deal," Heeseung replied, shaking your hand.
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A  FEW DAYS LATER, YOU FIND YOURSELF in the convenience store, an unexpected place for someone like you—a popular girl to be at. Your outfit was simpler than usual, baggy gray sweats and a white tank top, with your hair thrown up in a messy high ponytail and an oversized jacket completing the look.
You scan the snack aisle, contemplating your choices, when the doorbell chimes, signaling a customer had entered. Your heart thumps as you recognize the last person you expected to encounter—Heeseung. He's dressed in simple gray sweatpants and a black hoodie, his messy hair somehow adding to his charm.
Your eyes lock momentarily before you both awkwardly shuffle towards each other. "What brings you here?" you ask, surprised to find him in a convenience store at 2 am.
"Why are you up so late?" he counters, swiftly turning the interrogation on you.
"I couldn't sleep. What's your excuse?" you reply.
"Studying," he responds matter-of-factly, grabbing an energy drink before swiftly checking out and leaving. You hurry after him, catching up as he strides down the street.
"Studying late? That's a first," you mutter to yourself, gazing up at the night sky.
"I don’t want to flunk my classes, unlike you," he retorts, avoiding your gaze.
"I'm not that hopeless," you roll your eyes.
"Yeah, you are," he quips, taking a sip of his drink.
"Hey!" you playfully threaten, pulling back your arm as if to hit him. But then something unexpected happens—you catch sight of Heeseung's smile, genuine and endearing. You quickly shake off any wayward thoughts; after all, you're just his so-called “girlfriend”.
"Where do you live?" you inquire, trying to change the subject.
"Stalker much?" Heeseung teases.
"Shut up," you retort, rolling your eyes.
"I live in the house near the college," he answers, disposing of his empty can.
"Do you walk to school?" you ask, trying to prolong the conversation.
"Yeah," he replies.
"Then... do you want to walk together tomorrow?" you suggest, stopping in the quiet and empty streets.
"Walk together?" he repeats, surprised.
You nod and quickly add, "Yeah, you know, for you know..."
Heeseung considers for a moment before agreeing, "Sure."
"Great! I'll come by your place at 7 am since school starts at 7:30!" you smile, remembering to ask for his number. He inserts it into your phone, adding, "Don't blow up my phone."
"I'm not that obsessed with you," you retort.
"I think you are," he jokes.
"In your dreams," you shoot back.
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YOU FOUND YOURSELF STANDING OUTSIDE Heeseung's door, feeling an awkward knot tighten in your stomach as you waited, fingers fidgeting nervously. After what seemed like hours, the door swung open to reveal a woman, likely Heeseung's mother.
"Hi, who are you?" she inquired, her eyes curious but welcoming.
"I'm YN LN," you replied, managing a warm smile despite your nerves. "A friend of Heeseung's."
"Heeseung's friend?" Her expression softened into a delighted grin. "I didn't realize Heeseung had such a pretty friend. I'm Heeseung's mother. Just call me Mrs. Lee."
"Mom..." Heeseung's voice interrupted, his presence suddenly beside you as he quickly shuffled to put on his shoes.
"Heeseung, she seems like a sweet and pretty girl," Mrs. Lee remarked before Heeseung darted, closing the door behind him before his mother could say anything else.
"Your mother seems really nice," you commented, attempting to ease the tension.
"Mhm," Heeseung mumbled, his attention already diverted to his book that he quickly pulled out from his backpack. 
With a pointed look, you reached out your hand, silently urging him to remember.
Heeseung sighed, rolling his eyes in mild exasperation, but he relented, tucking the book away and clasping your hand in his. The touch sent a jolt through you, a feeling you couldn't quite grasp.
"So..." you began, eager to break the silence. "Where's your class?"
"Class 3-B," he replied shortly, his gaze fixed ahead as if unwilling to meet your eyes.
"Mine's right next door." you exclaimed, hoping to inject some enthusiasm into the conversation. "Perfect! Do you know what this means?"
"What?" Heeseung's response was clipped, his tone guarded.
"That I can come over to your class during lunch!" you declared with a wide grin, trying to lighten the mood.
"I eat on the rooftop, alone." he added, emphasizing the word alone.
"Ah, I forget you’re a loner," you teased gently.
"At least I'm productive with my free time," he retorted.
"Well, today we're together!" you suggested brightly and then with a smirk you whispered, "And I can introduce you to... Karina." The mention of your best friend's name made Heeseung blush slightly.
"Shut up," he groaned, moving to cover your mouth with his free hand just in case you would say anything else.
"Like I want to-" feeling a sudden hard squeeze in your hand "Ow..."
"Now shut up before I squeeze harder," Heeseung warned, though there was a hint of genuine threat in his tone.
"You're no fun," you muttered. Eventually, you arrived at the school, fingers still intertwined as you drew curious whispers from the hallway.
"YN and Heeseung, dating? No way..." you heard a girl whisper by the lockers, causing a flush of embarrassment to color your cheeks. When you reached Heeseung's classroom, you reluctantly released his hand, noticing the tension in his posture as he leaned against the doorframe.
"See you later?" you asked, "I'll be on the rooftop during break."
"Alright..." Heeseung's response was hesitant, but then came an unexpected word that caught you off guard. "...baby." The pet name hung in the air.
"R-right... anyway, bye..." you stammered, feeling a rush of different emotions. You'd been in relationships before, but you were never so flustered for such small things like that. Could it be... you weren't falling for him, right?
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HEESEUNG SETTLED AT THE EMPTY TABLE on the rooftop, his gaze drifting across the school grounds. The rooftop held a special meaning for him, offering a quiet place to read, barely visited by others.
“Heeseung!” Your voice sliced through the silence, drawing his attention. He glanced up to see you approaching, two lunches in hand.
With a bright grin, you placed the meals in front of him. “I brought lunch!”
"Thanks," Heeseung replied , his tone cool as he examined the homemade kimbap. As you both sat down, awkwardness settled between you, by the avoidance of eye contact.
Summoning his courage, Heeseung brought a question that had lingered in his mind for months. "Why did you like Choi Jiho?"
Your eyes widened at the unexpected, catching you off guard. You paused, hesitating with how to respond.Memories of Jiho flooded your mind. You had forgotten about him for the past 4 days due to Heeseung being on your mind 24/7.
You cleared your throat, summoning a bitter lie to your lips. "I... uh, he was nice, I guess."
"Did Jiho even like you back?" Heeseung's question cut through the air. That’s when you realized something. You remembered the way Jiho would never defend you in any moment or barely spend time with you. And the time when he did? He would always be on his phone. You realized how stupid you were as you thought the moments where he just wanted attention from the public by kissing you or flirting with you meant that he loved you. 
"I... I don't know," you admitted. Deep down, you knew the painful reality—that Jiho had used you.
"Oh, okay..." Heeseung responded, sensing the weight of your words. "So, let's change the top—"
"I know he didn't like me," you interjected, your gaze drifting to the sky before meeting Heeseung's gaze. "I know he was the worst boyfriend I could ask for."
Confusion flickered across Heeseung's features at your sudden confession.
"I was blind. I regret it," you murmured, your gaze falling to your lap. "But it's in the past."
Heeseung regarded you with his usual stern and cold look. "Then why did you tell Jiho you were meeting someone else?"
"Because... I wanted to prove I was happier now," you muttered, grappling with your tumultuous emotions.
"Are you?" Heeseung's gaze bore into yours.
"I... I think I am," you replied
"You 'think'?" Heeseung pressed, his tone firm.
"I'm happier than before," you insisted, though the vagueness of your answer hung in the air.
"That's not specific," Heeseung challenged.
"I can't be specific," you confessed, frustration simmering beneath the surface. "Because I don't know, at all."
"Are you sure?" Heeseung persisted.
"Heeseung, it's my feelings, yes I'm sure," you asserted.
"I'm just physically and mentally curious, so it allured me to—" Heeseung began, but you cut him off.
"Okay, I think that's enough. The bell's going to ring soon. Text me later!" With that, you rose abruptly, snatching your lunch bag and offering a quick wave before descending the stairs back to class.
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HEESEUNG LAY ON  HIS BED,  staring up at the ceiling. He knew he should be studying, but your words about Jiho lingered in his mind. "I'm happier than before." Why was he even pondering such things? Lost in thought, he was jolted back to reality by a faint buzz from his phone. Retrieving it, he found a message from you.
YN LN: heeseung!! all my friends rejected me to go to the mall TT, so wanna go together?? ><
Heeseung paused, a moment of surprise flashing across his features. You were asking him to go to the mall with you? It felt almost like you were asking him out. He composed himself and replied:
Heeseung: Sure. Send location and time, I’ll be there.
Putting down his phone, he realized the weight of his agreement. He had just agreed to go on a date with you. And now, he needed to get ready. Hastily, he rummaged through his closet, seeking out a suitable outfit. Opting for his lone stylish varsity jacket paired with jeans, he ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to tidy it up.
Rushing to the mall, he found you leaning against a store wall, your attention fixed on your phone. As he approached, a cupid seemed to strike him with an arrow as his cheeks flushed. The simplicity of your outfit and the gentle cascade of your hair rendered you utterly captivating.
You looked up, catching sight of Heeseung's slightly stunned expression, and greeted him with a warm smile, gesturing for him to join you.
"Hi," Heeseung muttered, still awestruck by your beauty.
"Hi!" you returned the greeting with equal warmth. "I just need to buy some makeup for my friends, or maybe myself, and possibly shop around! Anything you need?"
"Not necessarily," Heeseung replied, scanning the mall.
"Okay then, follow me," you said, seizing his arm and leading him to the nearest makeup store. Arriving at the lip product section, you perused the selection of lipsticks, lip glosses, and lip tints. Grabbing a random lip tint, you turned to Heeseung.
"Can I try it on you? I need to see if it looks good on a person," you suggested.
"What? When did I sign up for this?" Heeseung sighed.
"Please," you pleaded, giving him your best pout. "I can erase it right after."
"Fine."
With careful precision, you applied the tint to his lips. The warmth of his breath brushed against your cheeks and neck, sending a flurry of sensations through you. Your heart raced as you admired his perfectly shaped lips, now tinted with color. After smoothing out any unevenness, you stepped back to admire the look.
"Hmm... I think this works," you concluded, grabbing the new tint to go check out and pay for it.
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YOU SAVORED THE SWEET TASTE OF vanilla ice cream as you took a bite, sitting side by side with Heeseung on the bench outside the convenient store where you first met. He listened attentively as you shared stories about your friends and family.
"And then Giselle told me—" Your sentence was cut short as Heeseung's fingers delicately wiped a smudge of ice cream from the corner of your lips.
"Mhm?" He hummed softly, encouraging you to continue. Your heart fluttered at his touch, beating rapidly in your chest.
"...y-yeah," you stammered, trying to regain your composure, your gaze drifting to the hues of the sunset painting the sky in shades of blue and orange.
"Are you done with your story?" Heeseung inquired, to which you nodded hastily. You weren't finished, but another word might turn you into a flustered mess.
After a brief silence, you suggested, "How about we go for a walk by the Han River?" Heeseung agreed with a nod, and soon you found yourselves strolling side by side along the riverbank, the gentle sound of water trickling in the background adding to the peaceful atmosphere.
Unexpectedly, Heeseung asked, "Are you going to the dance?" It was a question he wouldn't normally ask.
"The dance?" you raised an eyebrow, caught off guard by his inquiry.
"Yeah, the school dance?" Heeseung clarified, his expression tinged with skepticism.
"Oh, well, yeah," you replied, feeling a pang of disappointment as you remembered his feelings for Karina. He didn't like you, so why did you allow yourself to hope for something more?
"Is Karina going?" Heeseung continued, and you struggled to find your voice, your throat suddenly dry.
"O-oh, uhm, I think she's going..." you managed to say, the reality of your situation crashing down on you like a wave. Foolish fantasies had consumed you for the past five days, but now you bit your lip to stave off the embarrassment and tears threatening to surface.
"I think I'm tired. I'm gonna go home now. Bye, Heeseung," you forced a small smile before turning away, walking in the opposite direction. Heeseung watched you go, a confused expression clouding his features as you moved farther and farther away.
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LEANING AGAINST THE WALL, you found yourself lost in thoughts of Heeseung, the person who was on your mind day in and day out. Why did it bother you so much if he had feelings for your best friend, Karina? Why did his presence hold such sway over you?
"YN?" Winter's voice broke through your trail of thoughts,snapping you back to reality.
"Oh, sorry, I was zoning out," you replied, trying to shake off the distraction.
"You've been distant all day. Is everything okay?" Ningning's concern was evident in her voice.
"Just tired, didn't get much sleep last night," you reassured them with a forced smile, hoping they wouldn't press further.
"Are you sure?" Giselle's skepticism lingered, her gaze searching yours.
"It's nothing, just life being complicated," you offered, trying to reassure their worries.
"If you need to talk, we're here for you," Karina chimed in, her comforting touch on your hands a familiar gesture she usually did. How you longed to confess and tell them about Heeseung and the jumble of emotions you felt and fought with, but the fear of ruining your relationships with both him and Karina kept you quiet.
At that moment, it came to you: you were in love with Heeseung. It had to be a mistake right? You could never like someone like Heeseung.  The way your heart thumped when Heeseung did small actions like hold your hand or even wipe off anything from your mouth.
 Yet, you couldn't shake the fear, the fear of history repeating itself with someone like Jiho, selfish and foolish. What was the point of falling for someone who didn't accept your feelings and liked someone else
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HEESEUNG HAD REHEARSED EVERY WORD, every breath, for the moment he would finally summon the courage to ask you out for dinner. With trembling fingers, he reached for his phone, his thumb hovering over the call button. The weight of his nerves pressed down on him as he prepared to take the risk.
As the phone rang, his heart raced, the sound of your voice on the other end sending a jumble of emotions through him "Hello?" you answered, your voice like music and beauty to his ears.
"Hi..." Heeseung replied, his voice betraying his unease.
"Why did you call me?" you asked, curiosity tinged but yet your voice sounded heavy and drained. Heeseung couldn't help but notice the change in your tone for the past days, wondering if he had somehow caused it. Had he done something wrong? 
"I was just wondering if... uhm... you wanted to go get dinner tonight together?" Heeseung's voice faltered slightly, the weight of his question hanging in the air.
"Dinner tonight?" Your voice held a hint of confusion, but there was also a spark of interest. "When and where?" you inquired.
"At the Japanese place down the block, at 6?" Heeseung suggested, hoping you would agree.
"Sure, I'll see you at 6 then," you replied, your voice brightening slightly.
"Right, anyways, bye!" Heeseung quickly ended the call, a rush of happiness coursing through him. He had done it. He asked you out for dinner.
With a sense of pride, Heeseung flopped onto his bed, his phone resting on his chest as. a wide grin spread across his face. He replayed the conversation in his mind, excited for the evening of day. 
Meanwhile, on the other end of the line, you couldn't contain your excitement. Heeseung. Lee Heeseung. had. Asked. you. out. to. dinner. You, YN LN.  You couldn't help but squeal with delight into your pillow.
Eager to make a good impression, you jumped out of bed and rushed to your closet, rummaging through your clothes in search of the perfect outfit for the occasion. 
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HEESEUNG SAT NERVOUSLY, tapping the table as he waited for you to arrive. Within minutes, you rushed in and quickly spotted him.
"Hi!" you greeted with a smile, settling down at the table.
"Hi," he smiled back (inside you felt a flutter at how cute his smile was). You both looked at the menu and ordered as the waiter approached. After eating, you quietly walked outside, enjoying the cool evening air.
The dark, cloudless sky revealed a glimmering array of stars. You admired the view, unaware that Heeseung was watching you, captivated by your beauty.
"The stars are so pretty," you remarked in awe.
"Mhm," he replied, still focused on you. Suddenly, you felt his fingers gently tuck a stray hair behind your ear. Your face flushed as butterflies fluttered in your stomach.
"I have a question, YN..." Heeseung began, and you turned to him, curious.
"Do you... want to go to the dance?" he asked. Your heart raced, your stomach churned, and your head spun. He had just asked you to the dance.
"T-the dance?" you stuttered.
"Yeah... I mean, just as... you know, for visual purposes," he tried to clarify.
"Right..." you nodded, agreeing. "I'll go with you." Heeseung's face lit up with a big grin as you accepted his invitation.
"That's great! I'll, um... see you at the dance then," Heeseung said with a small smile and a wave as you both went your separate ways, heading home with a light heart.
As you walked home, your mind buzzed with excitement. The thought of going to the dance with Heeseung made your heart skip a beat. You couldn't help but replay the moment he asked you, feeling a rush of happiness each time. It was like a dream come true, and you couldn't wait for the night of the dance to arrive.
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WEEKS FLEW BY, each one filled with anticipation, excitement, and a series of dates. Finally, the much-anticipated day of the dance had arrived. It had been six weeks since you eagerly marked this date on your calendar. Reflecting on the past four months since you met Heeseung, you knew deep down that you were head over heels in love with him. The moment he asked you to the dance, those feelings intensified.
"Do you think this dress is pretty enough?" you asked, twirling in your knee-length black dress adorned with delicate lace details, a sweetheart neckline, and spaghetti straps.  The dress hugged your figure perfectly.
"It's gorgeous," Ningning complimented, deftly assisting with your hair.
"It's perfect, just like you," Winter reassured, adjusting your dress with care.
"Easy for you to say, with Beomgyu as your date," you teased, prompting laughter from your friends.
"And you have Heeseung," Winter smiled, smoothing out the fabric of your dress.
"You two are so cute together," Giselle teased, earning a blush from you.
"I love you guys," you said, feeling grateful for their support as you shared a group hug.
"Even if I'm dating a man, you'll always be my number one," Winter jokes, lightening the mood as you head to Karina's car.
Upon arriving at the dance, the lively atmosphere was perfect. Laughter, music, and chatter filled the room as people talked, danced, and enjoyed themselves. Spotting Heeseung entering the room, you felt a rush of excitement.
He looked perfect in his suit, his hair perfectly styled. Rushing over to him, you greeted him with a beaming smile.
"Heeseung!" you exclaimed. Heeseung looked up, his eyes lighting up at the sight of you. I
"You look amazing, YN," Heeseung complimented, his smile genuine.
"Thanks, but you're the one who looks stunning," you replied, feeling your heart flutter as you took in his appearance. "Come on, let's grab some snacks and go have fun!"
The next two hours were filled with laughter, dancing, and cherished moments spent with Heeseung and your friends. However, it was until you excused yourself to the bathroom, to then meet Jiho.
"YN," Jiho's voice cut through the noise, sending a chill down your spine.
"What do you want, Jiho?" you asked, your tone laced with irritation.
"Are you here with your 'so-called' boyfriend, Heeseung?" Jiho taunted, a smirk playing on his lips.
"Yes, and what's it to you?" you retorted, your patience wearing thin.
“Yeah there is.” his smirk widened, “Don’t act stupid, I knew everything.” 
“God I hate you Jiho.”  you spat, feeling your anger rise.
"Come on, YN. Admit you still love me, and everything will go back to normal," Jiho sneered.
“I don’t even like you anymore, Jiho.”  you said firmly, trying to keep your composure.
"Oh, really? Maybe this will change your mind," Jiho said, leaning in closer. You felt his fingers slip into your waist, his grip firm and tight. You felt his face leaning closer to yours. You quickly stepped back and pushed him aside. 
“Are you fucking crazy?” you yelled. 
“YN, why are you so pissed? Not like you like anyone.”  Jiho's eyes bore into yours, a smirk playing on his lips.
“I don’t want to fucking kiss you,” you glared, “Now fuck off please.” 
“Why is it because of Heeseung? Your fake boyfriend? God, he probably doesn’t even like you YN. He only likes you because you're popular.” he laughed. Your heart sank at his cruel words. The words stung as you heard each word. Heeseung was just a stupid fake boyfriend you had. The two of you had never had a real relationship. A real love. Was Heeseung just playing with your feelings? Did Heeseung even love you like how much you loved him? 
"I hate you, Jiho," you whispered before leaving the party alone, your heart felt heavy. 
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YOU SPENT HOURS lying in bed, staring out the rain-splattered window, your cheeks damp from the relentless stream of tears. Days had passed since the dance, and you hadn't mustered the strength to leave the confines of your home. 
"YN, you've been here for hours," Karina's voice broke through the silence, her concern evident as she entered your room. 
"Why didn't you text me?" 
"Phone died," you muttered, burying your face deeper into the sheets.
"Tell me what's wrong," Karina urged gently, taking a seat beside you. 
"I don't know," you confessed, your voice barely audible. 
"Come on," Karina coaxed, her comforting presence offering a glimmer of solace. 
"Okay, fine," you relented, the words tumbling out in a rush. "Jiho said some awful things to me at the dance. Now I'm a wreck, and I can't face Heeseung. I'm in love with him, and it's tearing me apart." 
Karina's eyes widened at the torrent of emotions pouring out. "And you kept this from me all this time?" 
"Karina, I didn't know what to do," you admitted, your voice choking with emotion. "I thought Heeseung felt the same way, but then Jiho made me doubt everything."
"How does Jiho know anything? He's not Heeseung," Karina retorted, frustration evident in her tone. "He's just trying to mess with your head." 
"But what if he's right? What if Heeseung was just pretending all along?" you sighed, a heavy weight settling in your chest. 
"YN," Karina's voice softened, her touch gentle as she sought to comfort you. "How do you know Heeseung doesn't like you? Have you talked to him?" 
"I haven't," you admitted, uncertainty clouding your thoughts.
"Then how can you be so sure?" Karina questioned, her eyes searching yours. "Heeseung cares about you, YN. He was worried sick after the dance. He searched everywhere for you and even left the party early out of concern."
"Are you serious?" you asked, a glimmer of hope flickering in your eyes. 
"Dead serious," Karina affirmed, her sincerity unwavering. "Talk to him, YN. You'll see." 
"But what if I'm wrong?" you hesitated, your fear holding you back. "Just trust me on this," Karina reassured, squeezing your hand gently. "Talk to Heeseung. You'll thank me later." Karina offered you a reassuring smile before enveloping you in an embrace.
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HEESEUNG WAS SERIOUSLY DEAD WORRIED about you. He thought you were possibly hit by some car or even worse kidnapped. His thoughts wandered as he tried to think of all the possibilities you were. You stopped even coming to school for weeks.
The memory of the dance replayed in his mind like a broken record, haunting him with unanswered questions. Your sudden disappearance after excusing yourself to the bathroom left him questionable and restless. Desperately, he asked your friends as your friends only left him shrugs and quietness making him uneasy of the situation.
When you finally returned after a week-long absence, Heeseung couldn't help but notice the change in you. You awfully looked tired and you had eyebags. And the most important change, you were avoiding Heeseung. Was it something he had done to mess things up?
Heeseung sat at his usual spot on the rooftop, gazing out at the view, trying to get his thoughts out.
"Look who it is, Lee Heeseung," a voice pierced through the silence, pulling Heeseung from his reverie. Turning, he found Jiho leaning casually against the stairway exit, a smirk playing on his lips.
"Heeseung's girlfriend, huh?" Jiho taunted, his words hitting Heeseung like a sudden blow.
"What did you do to YN?" Heeseung's voice was edged with a mixture of anger and concern, his gaze sharp.
"Nothing much, just a little truth-telling," Jiho chuckled, his demeanor full of arrogance. 
"What truth?" Heeseung's tone was laced with urgency, his fists clenched in frustration.
“Just a few things that need to be said. Like how you guys are just dating, nothing more than that.”
Heeseung's jaw tightened as the weight of Jiho's words settled in, his mind reeling with disbelief and anger.
"Do you even know why YN hates you?" Heeseung spat, his voice seething with contempt.
"Why don't you tell me?" Jiho's smirk widened.
"Cause you’re truly an awful person” Heeseung retorted, his patience wearing thin.
“Oh really?” Jiho teased, “I didn’t know.”
Jiho's mocking laughter only fueled Heeseung's rage, his frustration exploding into action as he delivered a swift punch to Jiho's jaw.
"You're really undeserving of her," Heeseung's words echoed in the empty space.
“You could punch me as many times, I don’t care.” Jiho smiled. 
“I would but actually I don’t want to see your ugly face, so fuck off.” Heeseung stormed out of the rooftop leaving Jiho alone on the ground.
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IT WAS 1 AM WHEN YOU FOUND YOURSELF at the convenience store, clad in your most comfortable clothes, not even caring if people saw you. The rush of cold air from the conditioner greeted you as you stepped inside, scanning the assortment of snacks. The scent of sweet delights filled your senses, tempting you to buy more. You reached for a snack when the chime of the door signaled someone's arrival.
Looking up, you were met with the sight of Heeseung standing across the store, his gaze fixed on you. It felt like deja vu, reminiscent of the first time you laid eyes on him. Your throat went dry, memories of Jiho's words echoing in your mind: "He probably doesn’t even like you." Anxious, you bit your lip as Heeseung approached.
"Can we talk outside?" Heeseung's voice broke through the tension. With a quiet nod, you followed him out of the store.
"YN, what's going on?" Heeseung's concern was evident as he confronted you, hoping you would answer honestly.
"Heeseung, it's nothing," you lied
"It's not nothing," Heeseung persisted, his tone firm.
"Okay, fine, I'll tell you. I fell in love with you, but then Jiho made me doubt everything. I thought you probably didn’t even like me, maybe you liked Karina instead. What was the point of being with you if I'm only going to hurt myself?" The words spilled out in a rush, leaving you empty.. Heeseung froze at your confession, disbelief in his expression.
"You like me?" Heeseung's eyebrow arched in surprise.
"I know you don't like me—" Before you could finish, Heeseung silenced you with a soft kiss. His lips were soft and perfect.You felt his fingers sliding into your waist, pulling you closer to deepen the kiss. Your lips were moving in sync, in the same passion, kissing each other back. You felt his fingers intertwined with yours, drawing soft circles on the back of your hand.
Pulling away, breathless, you attempted to speak, but Heeseung beat you to it. "I like you a lot, YN. I was in denial of my feelings for months, but I realized I was actually in love with you." You widen your eyes at his confession
"Heeseung, you're not lying, right?" suspicion tinged your words.
"Do you think I would ever lie to you?" Heeseung chuckled, tucking your hair behind your ear, a gesture that he would always done 
"No, but it all seems non-real," you confessed.
Heeseung's laughter, the sound you cherished the most, filled the air. "Then, will you be my real girlfriend, YN LN?"
"Of course, any day I'll choose you," you smiled, leaning in for another kiss. 
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MONTHS HAD PASSED and you found yourself in a state of bliss you never imagined possible. Seated on the rooftop with Heeseung, your fingers intertwined, you gazed out into the view before you, the cool breeze enveloping you in a sense of serenity.
"Look how far we've come," you remarked, a smile gracing your lips as you watched Heeseung absentmindedly draw small patterns on your palm.
"Yeah," Heeseung nodded, his touch gentle and comforting.
"I love you, Heeseung," you whispered softly, your words carrying the weight of your affection.
"I love you more," Heeseung replied in a tender whisper, his warm breath tickling the sensitive skin of your neck as he leaned in to press a series of delicate kisses along its curve.
"Heeseung, that tickles!" you laughed, squirming slightly at the sensation.
"This is your punishment for getting a 60% on the exam," Heeseung teased, his tone playful yet teasing.
"Hey, I'm not some nerd like you!" you retorted, playfully poking his side.
"Nerd?" Heeseung chuckled, his eyes sparkling with amusement.
"A cute nerd," you amended with a grin, your heart swelling with affection.
"And you're my cute princess," Heeseung declared, pressing a sweet and tender kiss to your lips, his love for you shining brightly in his eyes. You truly were in love with Heeseung, and you weren’t going to deny it.
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