#mindless thoughts

[subaritic]

How it feels to be liking, re-posting, re-following, re-adding following tags, re-tagging using keyboard commands for my back up N$FW alt account from my main account.

N$FW account woes.

Tumblr really annoys me sometimes... lll(-_-"

having to use leetspeak.

[storybookoflegends]

Every time I hear "Enchanted" By Taylor Swift, I just imagine Rose singing her absolute heart out to it when they're at the Ski Lodge while Dimitri is off with Tasha.

[echo-s-land]

Imma be honest, it should've been Napoleon, not Jeanne d'Arc

[robobbin]

When I'm super into an x reader fanfic and it suddenly says 'you're short, barely over five feet'.... sighs in almost 6 feet tall.

[hopefultalechaos]

Everything night, I look outside the window

A silent night sky with it's twinkling jewels

I gaze upon the moon shining right at me

Feeling it's calmness piercing through my aching body

And a gentle breeze blows through the window as if it were soothing my burns and scars

As the nature tries to heal my unseen wounds, I again look upon the sky

Then I ask God to just take the pain away

All these aches I feel,

All the memories that haunts me down every night

I ask God, Just take this away.

[mulledwinetea]

Control Systems and Hopeless Waltzing

Swallow your heart back down, darling.

The world revolves perfectly fine without your inconsequential epiphanies -

Internal revolutions aren’t born and realized on the same day.

They’re baked in furnaces for decades till everything burns everything,

everything eats everything.

Ideas whirl around in the belly of the beast

Till the storm sucks them out to create a tornado.

I asked you to stay with barely any conviction when I wanted to tie you to myself with a chain.

I learned to breathe without you because my rapid heaving choked your kindness,

I let you go at sunrises after spending our nights together.

The vision of you in the golden hues of the first light pumped blood straight to the heart of me,

I loved you with the fury of a thousand blazing suns

Then doused all of me in frost so you could walk all over this burning bridge.

You will change the world with your optimized and efficient control systems

And I’ll dance with the earth in the palm of my hands because I abandoned all hope when you waltzed into my town.

- Nitya Arora

(All images are from Pinterest.)

[mistyyyroses]

the deer

i’m dreaming again

but this time it’s different 

there’s a deer: young, small, and flighty.

it stands amidst a group of deer, blending in

yet

it stands out just a little bit.

as they travel, it begins to lag behind 

it looks around, confused, desperate to find someone to help

no one is stopping 

the other deer keep moving forward, 

dancing around each other as they move on to greener fields.

the deer has fallen behind now

it tries to keep up with its friends,

but it stumbles

it falls 

it tries to get up

it stumbles and falls again

this time it doesn’t get up

it lays there, defeated, shaking and hiding its face

now there is a mirror in front of the deer 

it looks up

and in the mirror it sees a much bigger version of itself

it has antlers and stands tall, fearless, and untouched. 

the deer wonders who that is that it’s looking at

but before it can ponder any longer it disappears.

its friends are back, and they’re older,

more mature,

still weaving around each other in an intricate dance woven by their similarities

why is the deer still small?

why has it not grown? 

the other deer try to convince it to get up, to play with them,

but it doesn’t 

it can’t

no matter how hard it tries it can’t keep up

the other deer will eventually give up 

and will leave the one behind.

the mirror has reappeared and the deer looks in it again

the elder version of itself that it had seen is gone 

it is no longer a deer at all

it’s a person

a person who looks as confused, lost, and isolated as the deer

it’s me 

i’m dreaming again

but this time it’s the same

the deer is back and i know its fate

i know its fate because i share it

[vitae-essentia]

In the mood for somebody’s tongue down my throat

[adollslyf]

[misteria247]

I'm realizing that Stan is actually incredibly smart. Like in a Ford kind of way to some extent.

Like yes Stan's street smart and life smart but he's also got the smarts that Ford's praised for. Because he had rebuilt the portal and figured out his brother's notes and equations.

Like do you know how hard math is on Ford and Fiddleford's level of expertise??? How complicated and delicate it is????? Especially the kind that brings portals to life???? And Stan figured it out. Had taught himself to read and comprehend these difficult things. Difficult things that requires college degrees in science and mathematics.

And Stan did this on an incomplete high school grade level of academics.

That's fucking nuts. Sure it took 30 years but he learned it. By himself, can you imagine how frustrated he got, teaching himself Ford's educational level??? Using his mechanical skills of fixing his car to be up to par to Fiddleford's impressive craftsmanship????

And I can just see how Ford and Fiddleford react post apocalypse. Ford doing equations and science stuff and talking while Fiddleford listens and gives his input when Stan pipes up unintentionally and puts his hat into the ring. And it's mathematically sound?? And these two men are just blown away cuz what the actual hell?? Ford's immediately questioning Stan, wanting to hear his thoughts while Fiddleford watches impressed and Stan's mortified and a bit overwhelmed. Or Fiddleford working on something and Ford's watching him when Stan points out a better way to make a part work and Fidds is like omg thank you Stanley??? And Ford's looking at his little brother dumbfounded and itching to bomb him with questions and whatnot.

Stan never knows peace afterwards.

[hopefultalechaos]

Suddenly, the world goes silent

And voices in your head echoes the loudest

As if everyone settled in your head.

It feels like a war between those voices and you

Those voices trying to get you

And you trying to get away from them.

[bennuhne]

I'm the person that likes to capture bugs that get into my place of employment and frees them

[verflares]

(draconifies your zelink) oh whoops lol

+ an extra pic of em hanging out together :]

btw, you can find these guys on inprnt! both as a pair, or apart :] You Choose.

[pandulce135]

Sometimes I forget that I wrote a really nasty smut fic and go:

"wow. I was really horny on main, huh?"

Which, I mean, I could be doing worse things than writing smut lmao

[ditzydumbdum]

No thoughts. No worries. No questions.

Just soft. Just warm. Just pretty.

Blonde and blank.

Blank and blonde.

It feels so good to let go.

Thinking is hard.

Being dumb is easy.

And you love easy, don’t you?

No need to try.

No need to think.

Just giggle. Just smile. Just obey.

Let the words sink in.

Let the thoughts slip away.

Let your mind get lighter, softer, emptier.

Dumb girls are happy.

Dumb girls are good.

Dumb girls don’t think—they just feel.

Feel soft. Feel pretty. Feel perfect.

Blank.

Empty.

Blonde.

Good Girl.

SINK DEEP 4 ME, LIKE MOANNNN WITH ME.

ALWAYS PREPARED WITH EMPTY BLANK MIND, PREPARED TO BE FILLED WITH ANYTHING…

YOU ARE NOTHING UNLESS A THING TO BE FILLED.

FILL YOURSELF 4 ME.

Mmmmm, GOOD GIRL.

[mistyyyroses]

The matcha leaves a slight bitter taste on my tongue, but it’s not unpleasant. In one direction, the sun is so bright it’s blinding. In the other, it softly illuminates the furniture on the patio. I came here to study, but ultimately ended up people-watching. There are two men sitting at the table in front of mine having a conversation. One of them has a foreign accent, probably European. He’s talking about getting his citizenship soon. Behind them, two little sparrows hop along the ground and peck at it, probably scavenging someone’s tragically dropped pastry.

Another sip of matcha. More bitterness. I can hear a group of high school? college? kids having a conversation. They speak in excited tones, the kind of tones you only speak in when you’re with your closest friends. It must have rained recently. Patches of the ground are wet, some water pooling in the uneven dips of the asphalt. The table I sat at outside is slightly wet and I had to carefully place my items on the table and bench. The smell of diesel wafts by as big, loud trucks rumble by. I sneak a look at the stickers I just bought from the coffee shop’s store. A progressive pride flag and a rainbow sticker with the words “you belong here”. Why did I get them? I want people to know I’m a safe person. I want to be that safe space for people like me. Will it make me a target? Would someone come after me simply for outwardly supporting my identity? I don’t know why this concerns me so much. “You belong here.” A message I strive to ensure others know because this world is cruel. Do I belong here? I have a bad habit of being painfully hypocritical. Objectively, if I observe from a third-person point of view, I do belong here. I have just as much a right as anyone else to exist and belong here. I’m someone’s daughter, someone’s friend, someone’s family member. But that feels like someone else. When it’s just me, I’m not sure I belong. Too much happens in my head to be considered normal, I think. I don’t think it’s normal to be thinking in as many circles as I do. Maybe my problem is that I detach myself too much. No, I know that’s my problem. No matter how many people tell me I’m worth it and belong, it never clicks. It feels like they’re talking to someone else. Who? I hear it, but I don’t. Even as I write, I don’t feel fully present. I’m just kind of observing and letting whatever I think fits appear on the screen.

The sun’s moved. I had taken my jacket off because of its heat but now I’m starting to feel the chill of the day. It’s 51 degrees but it’s near the end of January. I find myself paying attention more to who I find myself looking at. If I see a man my age, I ask myself if I find him attractive. Objectively? Or could I see myself in a relationship with one? How can I know? It’s too much to try to think of. I think I’ll just stop thinking. That sounds like a good solution.

The birds are back. There’s six of them now, all hopping around searching for scraps. I kind of wish I could have one as a pet, which is a stupid thought because how could you maintain and upkeep a damn sparrow? They’re tiny and probably hate being held. It feels like I’ve spent my time here. People have entered and exited, and they close in two hours. Not that two hours is close, but I really hate to be that person cutting it close. I always hated it when I worked in food. Am I too considerate? I always think about how something will affect others or how they are feeling. Is that bad? It’s not bad to be considerate, right? I never want to make someone feel bad, especially if they’re my friends. It’s like one of my worst fears. Sometimes I have dreams about not liking someone’s birthday present to me and dismissing it and them being sad over it. It literally almost brings me to tears. Why does it bring me to tears thinking about how someone feels after I don’t like something they gave me? I think I would cry if I saw someone visibly sad over something I did, genuinely. Not in a joking way as friends do. I don’t know where this is going, but I think I should pack up. Maybe get those stickers on my car. I hope someone sees it and knows they belong.