#mmmm 22 :)c

[treypug]

4, 18, and 22

🥹

4. Movie of the year?

I dont even think I really watched any movies this year! We watched The Boy and The Heron and it was decent enough, not my fav but not the worst. Inside Out 2, as well. 🤔 i really cant remember any others, time is all blurred together lol

18. A memorable meal this year?

I had some yummy bbq pulled pork sandwiches from a local place multiple times and bbq baked beans from there too.. mmmm bbq. Oh and I tried my first big mac because it was free! Also cold matcha tea drinks c:

22. Favorite place you visited this year?

Didn't do much traveling, but I guess the couple times i went to goth night a couple cities over and also a friend's bday xmas party were a nice change compared to my introverted homebody hermit lifestyle :3 hopefully next year will have more in the way of going out and doing stuff that isnt errands and appointments and work lmao

Thank you so much for the ask, it was pleasant surprise and racked my brain 😋 i hope you're well!!!

[eifiedm]

🪲Second MC Colour variation results!

The color variation art is here!

Variation results:

"Hair/face from A and the body from C." "make them quintuplets"

A. ||||||||||||||||||||| (21) || (23)

"A is main character vibes" "a looks good, but the brown Hairband does not go well with her hair. Id suggest a red one, like e" "A for me, personally. just cleaner and doesn't feel like its trying to stand out drastically, but has details that pop and make them look important" "a gives anya forger vibes" "is that anya for a" "a gives off a very cute vibe!!"

B. |||||||||||||||||||| (20) || (22)

"b and c look good, but also a little plain, like NPCs" "Partial to B cuz she reminds me of Belle from Beauty & the Beast."

C. |||||| (6) | (7)

"C makes the character look innocent but cheerful" "C & E also strike me as having nice colours and is more standard :D"

D. ||||||||||||||| (15) | (16)

"d the grey hair makes her look old, but the young body makes her look... well young :D Maybe shes a Witch that has perpetual Youth?" "I like D but don't take my work for it since I have Protanopia and D's colour scheme seems much more soothing to my eyes." "d makes the character look shy and nerdy if that helps :3"

E. |||||||||||||||||||||| (22) || (24)

"e she looks good but kind of serious. Like a No Nonsense Char" "I think E just goes the best with the design. It just fits. The other colors look too saturated" "I like all of them...But E stands out from the rest".

"

Woah, glad I did this voting stuff cause C was my initial design image of the character but it turns out to be the least popular by a landslide.

But I shall make them quintuplets then lol.

It seems like E is the most popular, followed by A and B. They were all so close tho!

Edit:

There's more votes from Reddit, surprised that there are people still commenting even after 2 days. But E is still winning.

"

Details to remain:

It'd be nice for the second MC to have a dark skin tone. I originally wanted Lyssa to be tanned but due to the story, it doesn't really make sense since she'll gonna be working outside at night. Although for E, I colored that variation with just darker skin, not tanned. Although in my game there's no real ethnicity related to IRL, she's quite inspired by some of my Indian friends.

Details to consider more/add:

Ah... forgot to mix and match hairband colors. But now thinking about it... it kinda makes sense if it's leftover cloth since her family is poor. But hey, now she has sisters, why don't I try other combinations?

I was gonna draw patterns on her apron but didn't have time. Mmmm... what flower will she sprout?

Shorter dress, I imagined it to be more unique if the apron is longer but when I drew it I kinda drew it too long to actually see the difference.

More poofy hair? It looked alright in my paper sketch but here... it looks like spider hair which is not what I intended.

[whereisten]

Netflix and Chill (f,m)

(Part of the prompt game, but I got so many requests for Jaehyun I decided to combine them into one blurb lmao hope that’s okay with you guys😭)

Warnings: SMuT: fingering, breast fondling, impregnating kink, c*eampie

(Will definitely edit this later)

4. cold

13. motivation

17. icicles

18. train ride

22. snow globe

27. movie night

————-

[11:56 PM]

It’s movie night with your boyfriend, Jaehyun, but he can’t seem to stop glancing over at you. He finds the movie you two are watching on Netflix boring as it follows a boy and girl that meet on a train ride after both being cheated on the night before. The plot is slow and Jaehyun can only think about how good you looked in your New Year’s Eve outfit the night before. How you walked around with a coat over your dress outside, but teased him once the two of you were back at his place by wearing it over nothing.

You were too tired and hungover to do anything with him, so you both fell asleep and spent the entire day together. And now, Jaehyun felt as thought you owed him.

You’re cuddled up on the couch with your knees to your chest as you try to warm your body up.

“Are you cold?” He asks softly.

“I don’t know, it’s not like there aren’t icicles literally forming outside right now.” You mutter.

“Don’t get smart with me.” His hand drifts to your thigh, he squeezes it.

“Or what?” You raise an eyebrow and turn to him.

He smirks and tilts his head before biting his lip.

“I can keep you warm, if you’d like.”

“No, I’m enjoying the movie..” you turn back to the screen. Jaehyun always did this on your movie nights. He always ended up fucking you so you missed the movie, but tonight you really just wanted to watch something.

“Are you sure?”

He traces his hand over your thigh and presses his fingers closer and closer to your warmth.

“Jaehyun...Our motivation to stay inside and watch a movie was the snow storm, wasn’t it? We said we would watch a movie and cuddle.”

Jaehyun nods. “But we could have some fun as well, we should start the year right.”

“I want to watch the movie..”

“Let’s play a game, you can sit on my lap and watch it, how does that sound?”

“Fine, but don’t try anything.” You roll your eyes and climb over onto his lap. He chuckles lowly while still rubbing his hands slowly over your thighs.

You feel his hot breath against the back of your neck and find it difficult to focus on the movie now, but you were determined to watch it.

Jaehyun’s left hand doesn’t stop moving, he inches it closer to your apex and eventually pushes it past the waist band of your shorts. He rests his long fingers on your skin, exhaling when he doesn’t hear you protest.

You can feel his erection against your butt, but decide to do nothing about it.

“Mmmm..” he hums to get your attention then uses his fingertips to play with your clit. You bite your lip and widen your legs more, your eyes still glued to the screen. You had to admit, you weren’t really focused anymore, you were becoming hot and bothered by Jaehyun. You couldn’t put it off any longer.

“Are you gonna help me with this?” He whispers lowly into your ear while taking his member out of his boxers and stroking it. Goosebumps decorate your skin, but you don’t dare look over at his tempting dick.

You shake your head even as his fingers go lower and lower.

“Fine.” He pushes past your folds and fingers you with just his middle finger. You try to hold back a moan but fail.

Jaehyun laughs as he pumps his cock with his other hand, spreading his pre cum across it. He imagines that it’s your spit on his hard cock, that it’s your delicate hand stroking him. 

His muscular arms engulf you as you drink in his fresh scent and heavenly grunts.

His chest is warm against your back, his lips just grazing your shoulder as they fall open to release another groan.

“Fuck..so wet, baby girl..”

“Jaehyun..you’re making this difficult.” You sigh and grab at your breasts under your oversized t shirt that you stole from him.

He adds another finger while smirking, he knows that he’s gotten to you and you can’t focus on anything but him.

You grind onto his fingers and whimper, swiveling your hips and pushing your butt into him more. You’re suddenly aching for more and chasing a climax brought upon by his wonderful fingers.

“I’ll make you a promise baby girl...” he curves his finger tips inside you to press against that spot he knows will make you fall apart in seconds.

“Jae..don’t..don’t stop..” your head falls back and you pump your breasts even harder.

But he ignores your high-pitched pleas and pulls you up off of him. He places you down beside him on the couch.

“Jae..” you pout.

He then picks up a snow globe from the center table and holds it up in front of you.

“Fuck me until all the snow comes down. Whether or not I cum, we will stop when all of it comes down and we’ll just watch the movie, okay?”

You nod and watch as he shakes the snow globe aggressively. You both laugh at how dramatic he is, but once he places it back onto the table, he turns to you and holds your face in his hands.

You kiss for what feels like years, however Jaehyun knows that his time is limited so he palms your breasts. He locks his eyes with yours as he drags your shorts down your legs slowly and bites his lip.

He then takes you back onto his lap with you facing him now. You bend your knees so that your legs are over his. He guides you down onto his hard cock while letting out the sexiest groan you’ve ever heard.

“Mmmm..so tight.” he places his hands over your ass to move it up and down onto him slowly. Your nipples stick out through the thin t shirt material, begging to be touched.

“I know you’re cold, but you’ll look so much better without this.” He takes your shirt off and tosses it across the room.

He then licks your nipples and thrusts up into your body as you cry out his name. Your hands find his wide shoulders and use them as an anchor.

You move faster, feeling your velvety walls close around his thick length like he’s the perfect fit. You feel every vein and ridge as he glides into you easily.

His length goes into you so deep, his swollen tip already presses onto your sweet spot. You moan as he continues to flatten his tongue against your nipple before sucking.

He pumps your breasts, watching as you throw your head back and move faster onto him.

He places his fingers onto your clit, rubbing circles to get you to clench.

“You like that, don’t you?” His husky voice lets out.

“Yes, baby...fuck.”

Your movement slows slightly as you get tired so he holds you by the waist and slides out of you. He places you down onto the couch and you immediately prop yourself up on your elbows and put your ass up in the air for him.

“Well, sweetheart, as much as I’d love to continue..it looks like our time has run our.” He chuckles and holds the snow globe in front of your face. Your face falls when you see that all of the snow has fallen to the ground.

“Jaehyun! Forget the snow globe, fuck me please.”

“No no, I keep my promises, you can watch your movie now..”

“Ugh!!! I hate you! This was your plan, wasn’t it?” You place your fingers into the space his cock left and begin to relieve yourself.

“I’ll just do it myself..” you grunt.

Jaehyun laughs quietly to himself then kneels behind you. He takes his shirt off then grabs your hair and snaps your head back.

“Tsk tsk, what a needy girl.”

He immediately grabs your wrist and forces your own fingers out of your trembling body.

He slides his dick into you and slams his hips against your ass.

“Oh..shit!” You cry out out as his grip on your waist tightens and he buries into you deep from your favorite angle. You grip the armrest of the couch as he pounds into you from behind.

Your bodies are hot against each other, you’re no longer cold as he fucks you into the couch without any intention of letting up on the forcefulness of his thrusts.

He places his hand into the small of your back, making you arch so that you feel his cock twitching in the base of your stomach.

You can’t think straight as the sound of his hips slapping against your ass fills the room. Across from the couch is mirror that you often watch yourselves in.

Jaehyun’s eyes are dark. He watches sweat form across you forehead, your breasts jerk forward with each push. His biceps and abs flex as well, and a strand of his brown hair falls into his forehead as he ruins you.

Your mouth falls open when he hits that one spot over and over. Your eyes shut tightly as you curse. over and over.

“Fuck... you take me so well” he pants as you clench. He pushes into you even faster while you rub your clit. The thought of you being so full of him that you leak for hours or possibly become pregnant turns him on even more.

He tugs on your hair. “look at me.” he demands with a threatening growl in his tone that just makes him sexier. Your eyes fly open and you look at him through the mirror once more. 

He licks his lips. “I’m gonna cum in you, fill you up, that’s what you want, right?”

“Y-yes..fu—“ your eyes roll in the back of your head and your mind goes blank.

Jaehyun climaxes after, shooting strings of cum deep into you while holding you against him.

He falls on top of you and regains steady breathing as do you.

A few seconds pass and he pulls out of you and flips you over onto the couch.

“Fuck, that was good.” You fix your hair and wipe your wet eyes, but notice that Jaehyun still has that dangerous look in his eyes.

Jaehyun looks down at your legs dripping with his cum and feels himself getting hot again.

“Hey...” he runs his hands down your body, watching as you tremble and bite your lip.

“Do you want to shake the snow globe again, Princess?”

[magma1000]

I don’t have any art rn, so instead here’s my rant abt some stuff I played around w a couple months ago lol

Class 1-C/D but I randomize them into ships lol

1. ShiTani (Eto/Tani)

Pffffff they’d be a sweet couple I think… Tani’s already interested in Eto, and if mr. fun police wasn’t mlm, Tani’d prob be his type lmao 4/10 2. IkeZuki (Ikeda/Zuki) Uhhhh wow what a crackship lol. No way these two would actively seek each other out, but they wouldn’t be a toxic couple so…? Idk Ikeda’d be real sweet to Zuki, and she’d be all like “excuse me, he asked for NO pickles” lol 2/10 3. SakiTomi (Saki/Tomita) Another weird one lmao. Probs a qpr. Noice 👌🏽 7/10 4. UchiYami (Uchida/Hayami) AHA it’s not like it wouldn’t work….but I don’t feel like it’d last??? Especially with both of them being so immature lol 1/10 5. KoyaTomi (Koyama/Tomita) Uhm. Well. Cooool??? Another qpr…. I don’t think these two would be bad??? But it’s hard to imagine them in a relationship lol. 5/10?? 6. UchiSaki (Uchida/Saki) WOAHHHHHH MIND OPENED!!!!!! These two would be a FIRE couple!!!!!!! PETTY QUEENS Y’ALL!!!!! 10/10!!!!!! 7. HiraYami (Hirata/Hayami) Ooh!! This one’s cute!!!! Shy x boisterous is a cute ship dynamic :) Might make it canon hehe…😏 8/10 8. NaitoShiro (do I really??) Another cute one!!!! Lesgo!!!!! Flaming idiot can warm up ice-y quiet boi. Awwwww!!!!! I like em!!!! another canon????😏😏😏 9/10 9. TakaShi (Takahashi/Eto) Wtf? Umm. Nah, not ever a thing 0/10 10. NagaShiro (Nagata/Shiro) A very strange qpr. But it’s not like they wouldn’t be close. If it wasn’t a qpr it’d be a pretty great friendship lol 4/10 11. ShiroMori (Shiro/Omori) Crackship lmao. They wouldn’t be a likely pair, but if Omori set her heart on him, they would be together Forever :)) 5/10 12. ShiZumi (Eto/Izumi) 😳😳😳😳😳😳….. 7/10 13. KaiShiro (Kai/Shiro) Oof. They’d be the most annoying couple m8 ngl but they’d be pretty good lol 14. YoshiMori (Yoshino/Omori) Uhm, they aren’t really each other’s type, it’s definitely a rarepair for understandable reasons lol 3/10 15. MasaNaga (Masaki/Nagata) Mmmm…..mmmmmmmmmmmm an interesting ship….. might explore more of this…. 6/10 16. IkeNada (Ikeda/Nagata) A very odd qpr…. that’s really all lmao 1/10 17. YoshiKai (Yoshino/Kai) Uhm….maybe???? Kai is kinda Yoshino’s type, so maybe she’d catch the feels….. but Yoshino is nowhere near Kai’s type so…yknow 2/10 18. IkeTani Huh…. not a bad ship I gotta say…they’d probs end up with each other after lowering their standards (bc they both reach to high m8) and find out that they’re the perfect pair lol 7/10 19. SakaMasa (Sakai/Masaki) Pffff. Another strange qpr….. I guess 0/10 20. TakaYoshi (Takahashi/Yoshino) Eh…..Yoshino would def fall for Taka, unfortunately for the porcupine tho, she’s not Taka’s type ;-; 5/10 21. SakaYami (Sakai/Hayami) Woah????!!!!! Enemies to lovers trope right over here! OMG!!!!!! Woah…..this….this is a surprisingly cool qpr…might develop this further 😏😏😏😏 8/10 22. TanaUchi (Tanaka/Uchida) Oof… very toxic couple…. Ichida would love to manipulate Tanaka to break his spirit, and there’s no way Tanaka would fight back….baaad 0/10 23. TanaSaka (Tanaka/Sakai) Ppffffff not in all the world would this ever happen lmao 0/10 24. UchiTani (Uchida/Tani) Def not each other’s type lol 1/10 25. SaitoMasa (Saito/Masaki) Huh. Weird qpr….but cool…. ig 3/10 26. SaitoYami (Saito/Hayami) Lmao. This is actually kinda cute… makes sense a lil too 7/10 27. ZukiSaito (Zuki/Saito) Uhm…lol it’d be like a secret admirer kinda deal. Zuki falls for Saito, unaware he’s not attracted to women lol 0/10 28. UchiZuki (Uchida/Zuki) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH no 0/10 29. TanaZuki (Tanaka/Zuki) lol, Tanaka is Zuki’s type…. and I doubt Tanaka would shoot her down on a date.. huh 9/10

[despazito]

4, 20, 22 and 28 c:

mythical creature you think/believe is real?

mmmm im pretty conservative with my belief in cryptids, i think cryptid monsters are nowhere near as interesting as real extinct creatures. i guess unicorns bc we have rhinoceros

favorite disney princess movie?

i loved disney growing up but never gave a crap about the disney princesses, my fave movie featuring a true princess was Aladdin

do you have an emotional support water bottle?

no i can never commit to a water bottle or it breaks -_-

last meal on earth?

20 philadephia rolls, sushi salmon not smoked.

[kuphulwho]

Ben 10 Fandom: Watch Out For Emma, AKA Llamalover

CW: PEDOPHILIA

I’m not usually one to make callouts, but this absolutely needs to be said. This is an important message for the Ben 10 fandom, especially those on Discord. Take a good, long look at this:

This is Emma, AKA Llamalover. She is a notorious pedo in the Ben 10 fandom. Here, she is actively targeting a person who was one of her victims. You can read the testimony from said victim here. Emma is incredibly dangerous, and I will be giving examples of her vile behavior below. In the meantime, preemptively block her on Discord, if you have one.

ADDITIONAL CW: THERE WILL ALSO EVENTUALLY BE MENTIONS OF FETISH CONTENT OF A CHARACTER WHO IS A MINOR, RAPE, AND INCEST.

For starters, to clarify, Emma (user number 1343 on Discord) is currently 26 years old, and about to be 27. This is an important thing to remember. I will mostly be covering things not mentioned in the above linked testimony from one of her victims.

According to one response in said testimony, other younger fans have been coming forward about Emma’s behavior. Here’s another example of a testimony of her inappropriate behavior with minors:

According to this user, this occurred four years ago, which means that Emma would have been no younger than 22 at the time. And here, we have snippets pieced together of an extremely inappropriate DM between her and a user who was very much a minor at the time:

On the date that this took place, she was no younger than 24. A transcript of her messages, seeing as they might be hard to read:

“-giggle- And I’m the one with B/C racks #causeimcool” “Yeah, I once tried my mom’s swimsuit which is a dark purple. That attempt? The racks ended up popping out LOL. Although my ass looks good in it anyways. Guy better have a nice ass IMO.”

“I saw Ghoulseye is your fave, mine too!!! He is! And so worth lovin #likepinmedownandshit (excuse you, I’m a crazy chick). In fact, Ghoulseye is like 50 Shades of Twilight to me.” “Yes. Because look at those tags. #sorry I’m fucking impatient #looking forward to that shit #sooo want him to take on me. #like pin me down and stuff. #mmmm... LOL #that creator better not see that shit here. #creator don’t like my shit? Then GTFO.”

“Like I died laughing. And yeah, that thing can cream me TBH too. Totally for sure. I’m such a dirty bastard (his face is plastered on my phone too).”

Also, at one point, she ranted on her Tumblr about why she left the Ben 10 subreddit’s Discord server. Here’s why that was:

While it is not specified what exactly it was that she posted, we know that it had to be bad if someone called the cops over it. Observe how she shifts the blame on minors for being understandably uncomfortable with inappropriate content being posted publicly in an all-ages server. She was no younger than 25 when this happened. Here’s an example of the inappropriate things that she tends to post publicly:

Again, she is no younger than 25 here. Now, we’re going to get into her creepy obsession with various underage characters. Her biggest fixation is Kenny Tennyson, Ben’s son in the future, who is no older than 14.

She is no younger than 22 here, posting drooling emojis in response to artwork of Kenny. And in this one, she is no younger than 23:

More on the “old goat” comment:

But that’s not all. Kenny isn’t the only underage character that Emma has had a thing for. Observe:

At the time of these three posts, Emma was no younger than 20. And now we need to talk about the NSFW ask blog that she had for Ben’s aliens.

She even piggybacked on Pride Month to promote said underage NSFW ask blog!

Here, she is no younger than 24. Note how these posts are tagged as both “Ben 10″ and “Pride Month.” It is also worth mentioning that the icon for the blog is Reboot Rath, which is 10-year-old Ben!

(RAPE MENTION STARTS HERE)

As a result, minors 100% had to have seen them. And while we’re on the subject of said side blog...

She reblogged noncon and dubcon prompts to this blog, you know, rape. Again, there’s a really significant chance that minors saw this!

(FETISH CONTENT OF A CHARACTER WHO IS A MINOR AND INCEST MENTION STARTS HERE)

Before proceeding, be aware that the following posts are going to contain adult/minor shipping, fetish content of a character who is a minor, and incest. There is no nudity or anything, but the subject matter still warrants a BIG content warning. This is necessary to paint the entire picture of Emma’s character.

Now, with that being said, here she is having knowingly reblogged fetish art of Ben because it was #relatable to her. This appears to have taken place in June of 2019, which makes her no younger than 24 here:

Transcript: Anon- “Are you aware that you reblogged like... a fat fetish post? Nothing wrong with that, I’d just like to know.” Emma- “I’m aware of that but for me, this is what my life is mostly like as a woman right now LOL. (yep, getting older is bullshit)”

I also want you to observe what she said in her header. She claims to “not support toxic or disgusting relationships.” If that’s the case, then what’s this?

Here she is, in 2020, no younger than 25, openly shipping Tetrax/Ben and Reiny/Ben, while using Reboot Ben, 10-year-old Ben, for the picture! Side Note: Some parts of the image are censored due to containing someone’s OC, as well as someone’s photo. She also claims to “not support incest” in that header. If that was really the case, then why could she be seen liking a bwen post here?

And why could THIS be seen in her DeviantArt favorites?

This one in particular is a double whammy. For context, that’s Drew Saturday, from The Secret Saturdays, and Zak is her son. So this is both implied parental incest and pedophilia!

Now, to wrap this all up, here is where she admitted to having legitimately sent unsolicited nudes to someone who was 14 at the time, the victim whose testimony is linked at the beginning:

For clarification, the 14-year-old that she told her cup size to is not the same person in the above linked testimony. And that person is also not the same person in the DM from earlier. These are three separate incidents. Here’s the cup size incident:

And these tendencies of hers? They’ve been known about for a while (note the statement of her age and the “IT’S FICTIONAL!!!” excuse).

Overall, the takeaway here is to not let Emma convince you that she is the victim. If you can still defend her after seeing this post, do NOT interact. Block me. I want nothing to do with you!

[krethes]

Oh I am very interested in nr 22, because you very much have your own writing style.

Buckle up, it's a bumpy road, lol!

My writing process is probably going to make some people pull their hair out or scream, but it works!

If I'm not working from a specific prompt for a fest, I almost always start with a line of dialogue. The dialogue usually comes to me like at really inconvenient parts of the day, so I have to write it down in my Jot app and hope I remember the vibe when I start to work with it. I really like starting fics or scenes with dialogue. It grabs me as a reader, and I think it helps set the tone in a piece. A real challenge would be for me to write a fic over 2k without any dialogue and in a "reliable narrator" voice.

So I'll build a bit from the dialogue and decide where I'm going with it. Lines, for instance, I thought about, "We're too old for morning sex," which ofc screamed "Remus" to me, so I knew who was saying it and I knew I wanted Sirius to react because he's Extra and it would be more entertaining. ;)

Unreliable narrators are where I live. I love it. Let me have misunderstandings and stream of consciousnesses and all that good stuff, keep the reader guessing. They don't get to know anything my character doesn't know! :D

Someone asked me if I could share my writing playlist and I was so embarrassed at myself because...I will listen to one song on loop for as long as it takes to write, even if it's not a "song fic". If I listen to different ones, I lose my focus and my ADHD brain loves to hyperfixate on something. 10-hour loops make brain go mmmm.

Here's a hair-pulling part: I don't pick a tense until about 75% of the way in. 😬 I naturally drift to present tense when I start writing, but sometimes I'll shift to past. I always figure it out and fix it before I publish, but it's sort of that chaotic disaster human energy i exist with lol.

Another potential scream: I almost never draft. I just...start writing. I'll have my dialogue, my POV, and an end goal (normally). And I'll just...write. I am fortunate to be a very fast typist and a very quick thinker, so I can keep up with my thoughts while I write. I'll just go and go and go until either a) I need to look up a word, b) I need to research or verify something, or c) I'm done. Sometimes I don't have the time to finish actually writing, and THEN I'll do little action points or more dialogue in chunks like:

//Remus goes to the market and picks up vegetables

//Sirius makes a joke about the vegetables, make it good krethes

//they end up having a food fight even though they're 50, we love to see

(yes, I talk to myself in the blurbs lol)

Once I get the content down, I'll reread. I tweak dialogue constantly to make it punchy and impactful while still sounding natural to the character. Banter is my favorite thing to write, and I want it to FEEL flirty and fun. I fix my tenses, usually have to change "thing" to "thin", "Remorse" to "Remus", and correct my spelling of courtesy because really...it's a stupid fucking word, and give it another read through. I try to read my work at least 3 times with 1 time out loud or mouthing silently to make sure I haven't missed anything.

I...almost never get a beta. 👀 I'm impatient! When my writing's done, I want to post it immediately! I've used a beta on Silver for Monsters mostly for "does this make sense to someone outside the Witcher fandom" and for fests that require one. I find that I frustrate betas who aren't used to my writing style. I abuse the ever loving shit out of a comma and the em dash, and I don't know the meaning of "run-on sentence". I've accepted this about myself, but it drives some betas up the wall. Whoops!

I tried to correct myself and write in shorter, grammatically sound sentences but...it felt stifling. I wasn't able to express the emotions of my character properly and everything felt so abrupt. Someone once called my Explicit fics "poetic smut" and I think it's one of my favorite comments about my writing style as a whole.

I feel like I could continue forever, and I'm happy to, but this is getting long! Feel free to ask me a specific question or six if you have them, I love talking about my writing. ❤️

Thank you!

[blackypanther9]

Part 33 - Could Loki help ?

Warning ! Beginning is smutty !

Loki opened his eyes and realized that he and Dexter must have fallen asleep. He slowly looked at his cock and saw that Dexter never left Loki's ass. He smiled at that happily.

'He really loves me...'

Loki flinched as someone stroked his hair so suddenly. He needed time to realize that it was just Dexter. Loki then relaxed and leaned into the touch.

"Hey Babyboy...Are you alright ?", Dexter asked.

"I am fine. How long were we laying here ?"

Dexter moved a little and sighed softly.

"9 hours. We slept for 9 hours."

"Oh..."

Loki looked away, disappointed. Dexter will soon part from him and do his things. Dexter snuggled more with Loki, accidently pushing his member deeper into Loki.

"Ah~!"

"Shit...Sorry Baby...I forgot..."

"It is alright. I like the feeling of you inside me."

Dexter looked at Loki with love.

"I want to fuck you again, right now.", Dexter whispered.

"Then be my guest~", Loki purred.

"You little Minx~"

BEGINNING OF SMUT !!!

Dexter made Loki sit on top of him. Loki moaned. Dexter held Loki's hips.

"Ride me, Babyboy~"

Loki obeyed and started bouncing on Dexter's cock.

"Ah~! Mmmm~! Ah~! Ha~! Dexter~!"

"Mmmmm~ You're so sexy Loki~ It's like your place was made here, fucking my cock~"

"Ngh~! Ah~! D-Dexter~! You're so good~! Ah~!"

Loki went faster, sounds of skin slapping on skin was heard, together with moaning, groaning and whimpering.

"Ah~! Ngh~! D-Daddy~! I'm about to c-cum~!"

"Then cum for me~ Cum for your Daddy~"

Loki went even harder and faster. Dexter also let a few moans escape. 2 seconds later, Loki screamed and came on Dexter's chest. Then he collapsed on Dexter's chest too, painting his own chest also with his own sperm. Just then he felt that Dexter came inside his behind. Loki decided to move his hips, milking out Dexter's orgasm.

END OF SMUT !!!

As they were done, Loki stilled and kissed Dexter. Dexter kissed back.

"Mmh~ I love you, my Loki."

"I love you too, my Dexter."

Dexter hugged Loki again and they cuddled for 30 more minutes. As the 30 minutes went by, they stood up.

"I don't want to stand up !", Loki whined.

"I have a lot of work to do. I can't lay in bed all day."

"Why not ?"

"Because I have stuff to take care of."

Loki looked at Dexter.

"Being a leader is not easy. You have almost never time for anything else, but your people.", Dexter mumbled.

"Like ?"

Dexter looked at Loki in a serious expression.

"You don't want to know."

Loki looked at Dexter in confusion and worry. What does Dexter hide all the time ?

"Today we will go to Maker and look what news he has.", Dexter said happily.

"News ?"

"Yeah ! Maker and his group are trying to find a way to safe the suffering souls. The last injection killed 22 of them, but healed the 802 others. There is always something missing and Maker made it his job to find out how to safe them all, without anyone dying."

Loki stared at Dexter in shock.

"Wait, wait, wait ! I thought you calm them down and train them ! Now you tell me that you experiment on them too ?! I thought you safe and help them !"

Dexter sighed, exhausted.

"Loki we do help and safe them. HYDRA injected in their blood many different things. Different powers, bacteria, viruses, blood and other unknown things. The powers are growing too much and too fast. If no one is trying to stop it in time, like we, then they all die. We inject an Anti - serum, to stop their powers from growing. Can you follow ?"

Loki stared at Dexter in terror. He nodded.

"Good. Now ! Get ready and let's go !", Dexter said.

Loki hurried himself, to get dressed in time. Then they made their way down to the laboratory.

"What is with Breakfast ?", Loki asked.

"Breakfast is in 2 hours. Our cooks plan to cook something new. We have time."

"Oh...Okay."

"Yep !"

"Boss ! There you are !", Maker yelled.

Dexter turned away from Loki and looked at Maker, smiling.

"Maker ! What do you have for news ?"

"I may have a very good solution for the tortured souls ! But...uhm...I would need Loki's help..."

Dexter's face darkened a little.

"For what ?", he asked Maker.

"Loki could have something, that could help the new Anti - serum to work correctly. Just looking into his blood, saliva and sperm. Please Boss ?"

Dexter looked at Maker for a long while.

"How do you plan on getting on Loki's sperm ?"

"Uhm...You and him by fucking ? Maybe ?"

Dexter stared Maker down. Maker gulped and got very uncomfortable. Then Dexter looked at Loki.

"Do you want to do it, Loki ?"

"Uhm...J-just if you do it...", Loki said shyly.

"Why me and not Maker ?", Dexter asked confused.

"Y-you don't have to...I just feel more safe around you, Dexter..."

Dexter chuckled softly. Loki looked down. Dexter lifted Loki's chin and they looked one another deep in the eyes.

"Fine...I will do it. Maker ? You come with me. I will take his blood and saliva now and then we will send you out and I will get Loki's sperm. Okay ?"

"Okay Boss."

"Good. Come Loki."

Loki took Dexter's hand and they followed Maker into another room.

Masterlist HERE !

[jam-is-my-food]

writing asks. all of them. ( for 50 uhh just write a paragraph about how hot emmy raver-lampman is in a suit please and thank you </3 )

fUCK YOU NESSIE

THAT’S IT IM DOING IT JUST TO SPITE YOU

this is gonna be long asf click keep reading at risk of death or boredom

1.     Do you listen to music when you write?

not usually, it's distracting

 2.     Are you a pantser or plotter?

naturally pantser but if i wanna actually finish smth i gotta plot it hh

 3.     Computer or pen and paper?

computer i'm not a boOmer /j i so am

 4.     Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?

bitch i wiSh

actually technically i was published in this anthology thing once? and i think i have a piece in a magazine somewhere on the internet i forget those are cool

but yeah bye getting a novel published is my d r e a m (gotta write a novel first tho lawl)

 5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

n o t  m u c h

unless i get one of my bUrsts aka finishing a 2.3K almoons chapter before 8am the other week after procrastinating it for like two months 

but yeah jdsghliuedskj it um depends often none

 6.     Single or multiple POV?

i answered that for kiri so i'll just copy paste it over loll

mmm it depends. usually i do single? but i do do multiple occasionally. i almost never do alternating chapters, though, it’s usually more like part one is narrated by person a, part two person b etc.

 7.     Standalone or series?

baha like i could ever write a series (please, please be jinxing yourself rn refster) aside from that one trilogy when i was 7 but uh yeah atm just standalones but a series would be so cool in future 

 8.     Oldest WIP

the aforementioned trilogy. chronicles of clara. it is incREDIBLE. 10/10. so good. so, so good.

 9.     Current WIP

i haven't actually mentioned it on tumblr yet but hehehe it's called the wordweaver's apprentice it's fantasy and i'm v excited about it :DD that was ooc but :DD

 10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

(also answered for kiri, copy-pasting over)

hahahahhahahuhdkjashdglauhsdaugediuskjlkehdsgihkdskhgdkjx

i? try?

it does not go well?

but then i never finish my projects?

send help pls im dying

11.  Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

lmao the list is too long

 12.  Describe your perfect writing space

somewhere w/o distractions

 13.  Describe your writing process from idea to polished

hm. idea. that's cool. that's cool. write it down. hype myself up. forget about it within a week.

el em mayo

but like

f r LMAO

okay but fr fr idk i don't usually finish stuff but it'd be idea, brainstorm, plot (sort of), write, agonize, write, finish, throw in the other direction and never touch again bc revision whos she

 14.  How do you deal with self-doubts?

cry and spam my friends

 15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

i don’t - mm. i don’t tend to get writer’s block? or like - idk what to classify as writer’s block? bc sometimes i get blocked for a certain story, but then i get really into like poetry or sum for a week so it’s fine idk

 16.  How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?

o n e as i said i don't - revision is a no

 17.  What writing habits or rituals do you have?

uHhHhhhhh idk???

 18.  If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?

*laughs in gfc*

 19.  How do you keep yourself motivated?

i don't. if you have any ideas please hmu i need it.

 20.  How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

m a n y.

21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?

mmmmmmmmm i love cass i haven't written her in too long but i think she's probably my most well-done character to date and i'm so proud of her badkghewiludkjs

 22.  Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?

c y i l l

though possible imeini (ship name needs revision) in future we shall see (from twa) (the aforementioned newish wip)

 23.  Favourite author

there are Many

 24.  Favourite genre to write and read

fantasy maybe? ooh dystopia is fun

 25.  Favourite part of writing

everything about it when i'm motivated hh, my problem is getting more motivation

 26.  Favourite writing program

oh idk huh?

27.  Favourite line/scene

idk?

 28.  Favourite side character

j o o s t

 29.  Favourite villain

i def have one but i forget

 30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

too many

31.  Least favourite part of writing

motivating myself :/

 32.  Most difficult character to write

mmmm i'm not really in the throes of a wip atm so idk

 33.  Have you ever killed a main character?

yessir

 34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

drunk will was surprisingly difficult in a fun way. def not the hardest but yeah

 35.  What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?

god idk

36.  Last sentence you wrote

And then Mei was gone, and in the space that she'd filled, Imani whispered, "I wish I was like you."

 37.  First sentence or your current WIP

It is said that when we came to this stretch of Tatys land, it was empty.

38.  Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had

mm there was one about anthropomorphic chickens battling sentient fruits, the fruits in question also being six-year olds

 39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

s e e  a b o v e

 40.  Share some backstory for one of your characters

cass's mom used to have a drug problem & she would leave her alone for long stretches of time, she went to rehab and is now sober but it's where cass gets her abandonment issues from

41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

just write! no one taught me how to do anything, and there's no rules per se, aside from basic grammatical stuff. do what you wanna do, don't worry about others' reactions. this is cliche asf but true.

 42.  How do you feel about love triangles?

mostly gross, but they can be good.

 43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

adapt. i  g o  w i t h  t h e  f l o w.

 44.  How much research do you do?

not much usually, depends on the genre of story. i do as much as i feel i need to. and ofc i have the random writer search history.

 45.  How much world building do you do?

in the past, not much. twa (once again my new wip) is fantasy, though, so i' m attempting to remedy that.

 46.  Do you reread your own stories?

i do! it's fun to look back at them after a few years and see how much i've improved.

 47.  Best way to procrastinate

random character headcanons/doodle writey spurt thingies

 48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

bAHA this one scene in the cHrOniCLeS of cLaRa book two when this girl lisa who was 100% self-insert got annoyed at her little sister daisy (sister-insert) for chewing too loudly and then proceeded to use her wAtEr pOwErs to like flood the house. that part was less self-insert.

 49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

bye that's so hard. c a d m u s & l a u r e n t tho cinnamon rolls are liFE.

 50.  Write a paragraph about how hot emmy raver-lampman is in a suit please and thank you

i don't gotta write my own bitch i have everything i need to plagiarize from right here

"Raver-Lampman’s enthusiasm is contagious. So is her laugh. It comes from deep inside, just like her voice, and it rings out — ricocheting off furniture and walls. Her head is shaved, all except for a distinctive swath of tight curls on the top and left side of her head. She has the tiniest septum ring in her nose, and a tattoo of what looks like a musical note behind her right ear."

- the clearly gay jessica belt

thank you for the ASKS darLING and thank you if you read this idk why or whether you're okay but yup

[one-sweet-gubler]

REQUESTS & IMAGINES

read to the end 

LAYOUT FOR REQUEST:

- YOUR NAME or Y/N

- PERSON OF INTEREST

- PROMPT NUMBER __ or LETTER __ (or multiple)

- ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD

---

PEOPLE YOU CAN REQUEST:

- Henry Cavill 

- Shemar Moore

- Jensen Ackles

- Jared Padalecki

- Harry Styles

- and more!

---

PROMPT LIST:

1. "Tell me again."

2. "Marry me."

3. "Do you trust me?"

4. "Because I love you."

5. "Stay. Please."

6. "Always."

7. "Is that... my shirt?"

8. "Can I stay with you?"

9. "It made me think of you."

10. "Take my bed tonight. I'll sleep on the couch."

11. "I'm Pregnant."

12. "Tell me a secret."

13. "I love you, but stop talking."

14. "I'd hurt anyone who ever left a scar on you."

15. "You're cute when you're half asleep."

16. "Why did you choose me?"

17. "Take my hand."

18. "Can you shut up for once in your life?"

19. "Holding everything in doesn't help, you know."

20. "Have you seen my hoodie?" "Noo." "You're wearing it, aren't you?"

21. "OH you're jealous!"

22. "Can we stay like this forever?"

23. "Please just kiss me already."

24. "Sleep over? Please?"

25. "Quit touching me, your feet are cold!"

26. "If I die, I'm haunting you first."

27. "Can you please...? Hmmm, I don't know. Maybe put a shirt on?!"

28. "Give me attention."

29. "I'm too sober for this." "You don't even drink." "Maybe I should start."

30. "Well, that's tragic."

31. "She's hiding behind the sofa."

32. "I'd kill for a coffee...literally."

33. "It's your turn to make dinner."

34. "I could punch you right now."

35. "Welcome back. Now fucking help me."

36. "I can't pretend anymore."

37. "That sounds a lot like 'goodbye'."

38. "How long have you been standing there?"

39. "And then I was -- oh, goodnight dear."

40. "You should see yourself when it's 12am and the moon comes in and hits your face just right. You have a soft natural highlight at the tip of your nose and all your features come out. It's like your skin is working right in front of me."

41. "One night, just one, I pray we can sleep on our own."

42. "I got us new pillows!"

43. "Please hold me. It's been a day."

44. "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified."

45. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

46. "It's pitch black and I can still see you blushing."

47. "I broke my rules for you."

48. "Sorry, I can't trust anyone that looks good with a bed head."

49. "Mmmm... you're warm."

50. "What keeps you up at night?"

SITUATION PROMPTS:

A. "Good morning" kisses

B. kisses on the neck

C. kisses on the forehead

D. kiss on the back

E. exhausted parents kiss

F. before bed kiss

G. walks in on you singing

---

Spencer Reid/Matthew Gray Gubler requests are also open. 

MAKE SURE YOU CHECK OUT MY WATTPAD : one-sweet-gubler : WHERE ALL IMAGINES & A STORY ARE POSTED

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 22

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @alievans007​

She stands at the kitchen sink, watching through the window as they sit side by side at the patio table. Millie already in her pajamas, hair still damp from a bath, Tyler in a pair of weathered old sweatpants and tattered t-shirt. Their resemblance striking; same color and texture of hair, same ears and profile, even the same shaped lips and those brilliant blue eyes framed by impossibly long and dark lashes.  She’s her father’s child; even more so than the boys; sharing not only physical appearance, but facial expressions and body language.  Even now their faces mirror each other: eyes narrowed, and brows pinched together, mouth set in a thin, stern line. A staring contest and a battle of wills that’s lasted for more than a minute with no sign of either weakening or wavering.  Millie strict and demanding over how she wants things done when it comes to her birthday invitations, her father wondering just how the hell he’d managed to get himself into such a mess in the first place.  They're both ferociously stubborn; Millie even more so. And she always wins; no one is immune to that mop of hair and those eyes and that little voice.  

Her father is especially weak when it comes to her. An almost six-year-old able to bring a man that size, and who possesses so much strength and power, to his knees.  She’s his number one weakness; always balking at scolding her even when she deserves it, succumbing to all the begging and pleading for ‘one more’ bedtime story even though it always turns into five, finding it incredibly hard to say no and very rarely doing so. While his bond with all the kids is strong, the one with Millie is even more so. Perhaps because she’s the first after Austin’s death; a rainbow baby of sorts. Or maybe because she represents the start of his new life; his second chance. A man that had so little to live for suddenly being given everything to live for. She had been conceived in the most unconventional of place during the most unconventional of times. A little blue-eyed miracle that reminds him every day of just how lucky he is to be on this side of the ground.

“Daddy....I am telling you...” Millie finally speaks,  her facial expression never changing and her eyes never wavering from his. “...you HAVE to use the glitter.”

“But I don’t want to use it. That shit gets everywhere. You do it the way you want. Then your mom can bitch at you for getting it all over the place.”

“She’ll bitch at you for letting me use glitter without supervision.”

“I am sitting right here. I am supervising.”

“But you gotta use it too,” she insists. “Or the cards won’t match.”

“They don’t have to, Martha Stewart. Relax.”

“Yes. They do have to match. Why are you being so difficult?”

“Amelia...”

She giggles. “Daddy...”

“You’re not the boss.”

“Neither are you. You just think you are. Mommy’s the boss. Your boss.”

Tyler frowns. “Is that what she said?”

“She doesn’t need to say it. It’s just the way it is. And mommy would tell you to use the glitter too.”

“You and I both know that’s bullshit. She’d never say that. She hates glitter.”

“She hates play-doh and slime,” Millie argues.

“And glitter.”

“She never said that!”

“Excuse me? Yes, she did. After your brother got mad at you and dumped a whole container of it in your backpack. Remember? When we still lived at the old house?”

“Oh yeah,” Millie scowls, then pulls her top lip between her teeth and then releases it with an audible ‘pop’. “...well I guess that means you should be really, really careful with it then.”

“I guess that means you should get someone else to help. A glitter bitch.”

“Daddy! That’s a bad word! Why do you have to give me such a hard time? Don’t be like all the other boys in the house. Please don’t.”

“How would like another brother?” Tyler counters.

She gives a dramatic gasp. “Why would you do me like that? Isn’t three enough? Why so many boys? Boys are dumb. And annoying. Except you of course.”

Grinning, he lays a hand on the top of her head and presses a noisy kiss to her temple. “You are so lucky you added that last part.”

“Why? What would you do? Nothing. Because you love me too much.”

“You know what?”  His voice and face are stern at first, but then a slow grins spreads from ear to ear and he scoops her up and places her in his lap; pressing kisses against her cheeks and rubbing his beard against her skin until she’s giggling and squirming in a half assed attempt to escape; little hands on his cheeks trying to push him away, the squeals becoming even louder when his fingers dig into her stomach and start tickling.  

“What?” Millie asks, when the playful assault ends, and she kneels in his lap facing him; hands delicately cradling his face, a look of pure adoration on her face as she regards him.   “What daddy?”

“Get back in your seat and hand me the goddamn glitter.”

Esme laughs and then turns away from the window, busying herself with making a tea and a coffee and tidying the kitchen. The house is eerily quiet for only nine at night; both Declan and Addie fast asleep upstairs, Mac curled up under her crib, snoring lightly.  Normally the twins are still tearing around. Either tormenting one another or their older sister or burning off the last of their energy in the pool or down on the beach. She misses them; the dirty handprints that she is constantly wiping off every surface, the sand that they track through every inch of the house, those little voices ���and even their squabbling- and the way they eventually fall asleep either spread out on the couch with the tops of their heads touching, or on the bottom bunk pressed back to back.  

They’re a handful and have been since day one; a pregnancy filled with complications and scares. But they’re a joy. Rambunctious and mischievous. Fearless to a fault. Always willing to try new adventures, as long as they’re together for them.

The sun is beginning to set as she steps out onto the patio, and the strings of solar powered white lights wrapped around the patio railings springing to life, bathing the area in a soft, almost soothing glow. And she places the steaming mug of coffee on the table in front of her husband, then lays a hand on the back of his neck and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Despite the outwardly display of confidence and the rare genuine smile that crosses his face, he’s struggling. The last couple of days have been especially rough; medications not enough to take away that edge and that sense of impending doom she knows he’s feeling.  It’s so many things: TJ’s troubles, Millie’s rapidly approaching sixth birthday, the situation with Ovi and the very real possibility of having to get back in the game.  But he gives her an appreciative smile and lays a hand on her hip; gently squeezing before allowing his hand to lightly slide over her ass.

“Just what are you guys doing?” she inquires and slips into the chair at the head of the table; a foot on the seat, bottom of her hoodie pulled over her knee.

“I don’t even know anymore,” Tyler admits. “I just do what I’m told.”

“We’re making birthday invitations,” Millie says. “Glittery ones.”

“Yeah...I see that...” Esme frowns, then moves her seat back from the table to avoid any wayward sparkles. “You know that crap is going to be everywhere for weeks, right?”

“Daddy already has it in his hair,” Millie giggles. “And in his beard.”

“Because you thought it would be hilarious to dump glitter in your hands and rub them all over my head,” he complains.

“It was funny!” she exclaims. “You’re going to be sparkly forever now. A sparkly daddy.”

“Like one of those vampires in Twilight,” Esme muses, and he gives her a dirty look. “Just much more handsome.”

“I have vampires,” Millie announces. “Daddy could kick their asses.”

“Damn right,” he agrees.

“Daddy would kick all the monsters’ asses, right daddy? Like you kicked all the bad guys asses. Do you miss kicking bad guys’ asses?”

“You know what I miss? I miss when you didn’t say ass every five seconds.”

“Better than the s word or the f word,” she reasons, and kneels in her chair to reach for plastic container full of pencil crayons sitting in the middle of the table. “Do you? Miss kicking the bad guys’ asses?”

“Nope,” he quickly replies. “I don’t.”

Esme knows it isn’t the entire truth; someone just doesn’t give up a job...a life...like the one he’d been leading and not experience some fall out. It’s fast paced and generous; living life constantly on edge and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Days and sometimes weeks of putting your ass on the line to help a stranger; shedding a lot of blood, sweat, and tears for that pay out in the end. The job is exhilarating; every mercenary will admit to that.  That there’s a certain rush that comes with the intensity. And most won’t say it out loud, but there’s a feeling of satisfaction you get when you witness revenge and karma up close; even if it means you’re delivering them yourself with your bare hands.  

His entire adult has been that existence. First the military, then the job. And there’s no way he doesn’t miss. It’s quite the change; going from that life to one of routine and domesticity.  

“I bet the bad guys don’t miss you,” Millie muses. “They were tired of getting their asses kicked.  But who does it now that you don’t? Who goes after the bad people?”

“Other guys,” Tyler responds.

“What other guys?”

“Guys like me. Who do that sort of thing. There’s lots of guys like that out there.”

“And girls too?”

“I guess. I suppose there’s girls out there that do that kind of thing. Mommy did.”

Esme directs a kick to his shin under the table, then shakes her head when he gives her a quizzical look.

“Mommy sort of did that job,” he quickly adds. “She helped guys like me out. She helped track down the bad people and then told guys like me where we could find them.”

“Mmmm...” Millie considers this, head cocked to the side, eyes focused on the drawing she’s creating. “....is that how you met?”

“Yup. When I used to live here before I had you or your sister or your brothers.”

“In this house?”

“Not in THIS house. In my old house. Well it wasn’t really a house. It was more like a shack. But there’s where I met mommy. A long time ago. Auntie Nik brought her there and introduced us.”

“We should go there sometime,” Millie suggests. “To your old place. To see it.  Who lives there now?”

“A friend of mine. You met him a few times when you were a baby.”

“I want to go there,” she decides. “To your old place.  I want to see where you met mommy. Is that where you helped put me in her tummy?”

“No. That happened somewhere else,” Esme speaks up. “In an entirely different country. In Bangladesh. A place called Dhaka. Daddy and I were working there. That’s where you were made.”

“We should go there too,” Millie concludes.

“Yeah, that’s a no from me,” Tyler says. “That’s not a place I want to go back to.”

“Is that where you almost died?”  

Esme watches her husband’s face; mug pressed against her lips as she waits for his reaction. Noticing the small intake of breath and the slow, steady way he releases it.  The way his shoulders tense and his leg begins to shake back and forth underneath the table.  

“Yeah...” he finally speaks, then turns his attention towards the craft in front of him. His eyes are dark and that vein in his neck...the one that had to be surgically repaired after being blown out by Farhad- begins to pulsate. “...that’s where I almost died.”

“How?” Millie asks.

“You know what,” Esme comes to his aid.  “This isn’t a good time to talk about these kinds of things. Not so close to bedtime, okay Millie? It will give you nightmares and as much as we love you, we don’t want you sleeping with us until you’re eighteen.”

“It won’t give me nightmares,” she argues. “I’m fine.”

“Amelia...” Her tone and her face are stern; the warning in her voice noticeable enough that her daughter looks up at her. “Not right now. Thank you.”

Silence falls on the table, no further conversation for several minutes. Nothing but the sound of the waves rolling onto the shore, the slight rustle of the trees, and the soft scrape of pencil crayons against paper. And Tyler reaches under the table to lay a hand on Esme’s thigh, squeezing lightly and giving her a small, grateful smile. There are days when he can talk openly and honestly about what happened in Dhaka. He was able to tell the therapist the whole story without even breaking a nervous sweat. But there’s other times where it’s unbearable; the memories too strong and too painful. The mental wounds still too fresh and feeling still too raw.

“Look at you,” Esme laughs, and the lays a hand on the side of his face and turns his head towards her. “You have glitter everywhere. It’s all in your beard. It looks like you went down on a stripper. I hope you don’t think you’re coming near my bits looking like that.”

He grins. “Oh, I so am.”

“Like hell you are. Last thing I need is being sparkly down there. I don’t know how you’re going to get all that out of there,” she vigorously rubs her palms against her beard, then frowns as she studies the purple and silver flecks left behind on her skin. “It couldn’t at least be a good color that brings out your eyes?”

“Might have to just shave the whole thing off,” he says.

“Like hell you will. We’ve talked about this. Do you want a divorce? Because that’s how you get a divorce.”

“You don’t even know what I look like clean shaven.”

“You’re not Tyler without a beard. Your kids won’t even recognize you. That's how they know you. That’s how I know you.”

“Don’t do it, daddy,” Millie implores. “You’ll look totally different. Like a stranger. I want you to look like daddy.”

“Two against one,” Esme says. “The beard stays.”

“You only look like the beard because when we do...well when I do...you know... you like the way it feels.”

“I’ll give you that. But it’s also because it’s rugged and manly and you look so freaking sexy with it. Even with silver and purple glitter in it. Speaking of glitter....” she stands up and picks up on of the finished creations. “...I take it she mentioned her party and you went along with it.”

“Come on, you knew I wouldn’t say no.”

“I did,” she admits. “But that doesn’t mean I want you to be completely uncomfortable and miserable, either. That’s a lot of people. Here. In your space. I know how much you value your space. So, if you think it’s too much to deal with...”

“I’ll be okay,” he says. “I’ll deal.”

She stares at him pointedly, brows arches.

“I’ll be fine, babe,” he assures her, and reaches out to lay a hand on the small of her back. “It’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.”

“Daddy’s tough,” Millie declares.  “Super tough.”

“Yes,” her mother agrees. “The toughest guy I’ve ever known, that’s for sure.”

“Is that why you fell in love with him?” Millie inquires. “Because he’s tough?”

“There’s a lot of reasons why I fell with him,” Esme replies, as she sits back down in her seat and places her feet in her husband’s lap. “I guess being tough was once of them. Because I knew that I’d always be safe, and I’d have nothing to be scared of when he’s around. That he'd always be willing to protect me and be able to physically do it.”

Tyler smiles and gives her a wink, his hand giving her foot a squeeze.

“He also had really cool hair and crazy beautiful eyes,” she continues. “And big arms. Not to mention that face. Pretty damn handsome, I think. He was kind of mean though. When we first met.”

Millie’s eyes widen as she looks towards her father. “You were mean? To mommy?! Did you make her cry?”

“I did not make her cry and I was not mean.”

“Not right away,” Esme says. “But he got really mean and really bossy when we got to Dhaka.”

“Listen, your mom’s not telling you the truth,” Tyler address his little girl. “I got a little mean, yeah. You want to know why? Because even then your mommy didn’t like to listen to a word I say. And I was in charge and she did something I told her not to and she got in trouble and I got mad.”

“I just put him in his place though,” Esme says with a shrug as she sips her tea. “That just made him even more mad and even meaner. Deep down though, I think he liked it. A woman being all assertive and aggressive with him.”

“I’m not afraid to admit that I liked it. I liked it a lot.”

“That was obvious,” Esme grins, and presses her toes into his crotch.

“You think I’m tough, Millie? Your mom’s even tougher than I am. Hands down the toughest woman...person...I’ve ever met. She’s little, but she’s bad ass.”

“Like me!” Millie cheerfully exclaims.

“You’re exactly like her in a lot of ways. You know how tough someone has to be to  trick the bad guys into telling her secrets and letting her know where they are? Crazy tough. When you get older, I’ll tell you a story about how she handled things in Ireland against some pretty scary people.  She went in there and talked them all by herself. She wasn’t even scared. Not for a second. I was proud of her. Insanely proud.”

“Don’t make me cry,” Esme pleads, and gives him a brilliant smile. “Because my hormones are all over the place since having your daughter and I’m liable to bawl at anything.”

“Mommy’s the most amazing person I’ve ever known,” he continues. “Not a lot of people would do what she did. When she stuck around to help me in Dhaka. No one else was going to do it. I would have died if she hadn’t had been there.”

“But you didn’t,” Esme says. “And that’s all that matters.”  

She hates being praised for it; truly believing that she’d done what anyone with a conscience and an ounce of compassion would have done in that situation. Ovi had been too young; there’s no way he should have had to spring into action and shoulder that kind of responsibility. But there’d been no excuse for Nik. There were other team members there; they could have easily kept the situation under control while she held; at least lending a hand to control the bleeding long enough to get him into the chopper and get both Ovi AND him out of there.  

And she’ll hold that grudge for the rest of her life; every time the subject of Dhaka comes up or she looks at the scar on her husband’s neck.  

****

Ovi arrives just as darkness fully sets in, standing on the bottom step of the patio; cautiously watching them for several minutes, hands shoved in his pockets, nervously rocking back and forth on his heels.  

“You don’t have to just stand there, mate,” Tyler speaks up. “You can join us, you know.”

The younger man breathes a sigh of relief as he climbs the steps, giving Esme a small, apologetic smile which she returns with a curt one of her own before looking away. Their talk the night before had left a bitter taste in both of their mouths; she’d been harsh and brutally honest and refuses to make any apologies for it. She doesn’t understand how, despite all of the things he’s seen and heard in Dhaka and the years following it, that he can be so steadfast about diving headfirst into such a dangerous life. She’d laid out the hardest of truths she possibly could; the long-lasting effects on Tyler’s mental and physical health, the demons and the monsters that prey on every day, the trickle-down effects and impacts the entire family. Yet he remains determined. Either too stubborn to face the truth, or too just immature and ignorant.

“Millie, why don’t we go inside and get a bedtime snack,” Esme suggests, when Ovi steps up onto the patio, finishing the last of her tea and pushing her chair away from the table. “You can finish these tomorrow, okay? I think daddy’s had just about as much glitter and coloring he can take.”

“Okay,” she willingly –and surprisingly- agrees. “You’ll still tuck me in right, daddy?”

“You know it. Just come and get me when you’re ready, yeah?”

Nodding, she curls an arm around his neck and sweetly pecks his lips. Then scurries over to Ovi and wraps her arms around his, tightly squeezing.

“I can’t deal with this tonight,” Esme says, when Tyler catches her by the wrist before she can leave, a concerned and almost puzzled look on his face. “I don’t want to deal with it all. You do what you have to do. I don’t want to hear any more about it.”

He nods in understanding, and she leans down to press a soft, quick kiss to his lips before ushering Millie into the house.

“I think she’s still mad,” Ovi comments, as he drops into a chair at the end of the table.

“Really?” Tyler scoffs. “What gave you that impression?”

Standing, he begins tidying up the table, stuffing pencil crayons, glue sticks, and tubes of sparkles into small plastic storage containers. A far cry from when his hands used to inflict pain and even death on others; glitter caked under his nails and stuck to his fingers as opposed to blood and dirt. And it horrifies him how disappointed he feels over the thought; how blood seemed so much better and easy to accept than a child’s craft supplies. It’s not the first time in six months he’s missed what things were like before, and he knows it won’t be the last. That it will always be there; that side of him that had actually enjoyed the job and the payday that came with.  

And it fucking disgusts him.

“I understand why she’s upset,” Ovi says.  

Tyler regards him, eyebrow arched. “Do you? ‘Cause I don’t think you do.”

“She doesn’t want you getting back into this. Into that job. Into the job. Because if what happened in New Zealand.”

“Do you even understand what went on there? Why I left? Why I called it quits and came home? Because something tells me you don’t.”

“Mental health issues.”

“That’s part of it. I came home because I couldn’t fucking do it anymore. I’d had enough. Of that life and all the bullshit that came with it. Fucking death and blood and gore and everything that came with it. Helping people that don’t give a shit if I’m alive or dead at the end.”

“I gave a shit,” Ovi reminds him.

“You know how long I’d be doing the job? Almost sixteen years. That’s a fucking lifetime for guys like me.”

“Guys like us,” the younger man stresses.

“You’re not there yet. You might not even get there. You might not even get past what I have in store for you. You want to think it’s all a big game and that it’s something you ‘just want to try out’? Well you’re going to see just how fucking fun it is when I get a hold of you. So if you’re having any second thoughts, I’d back out now before it’s too late and I have you curled up in a ball of your own puke and piss.”

Ovi blinks at the harshness in his voice.

“You wonder why she’s upset? Why she’s pissed off with you? With the whole fucking world right now? Do you know how many promises I’ve made to her that I’ve broken? So many that she doesn’t even believe me when I make promises anymore. That’s fucking sad. It’s pathetic. And here I am, breaking another one.”

“You’re not exactly...”

“You know what? You don’t get to talk. You're just going to sit there and listen to what I have to say. You want to be a man and make these kinds of decisions? Then you sit there and let another man tell you the way things are. I’m not just random off the street that doesn’t know what he’s talking about. The job was my life. It’s who I was. And when I walked away, I thought I left it behind. And then you come along with this bullshit...”

“Tyler...I...”

“Just shut the fuck up and listen,” he growls. “I’m not fucking around here, Ovi. I’m not pulling any punches. It wasn’t just the job that screwed with my head. There was a lot of things that fucked me up. Things you don’t even know about. All the way back to when I was a kid. But the job? The job fucked me in more ways than you can even begin to imagine. You think it’s fun killing people? That I actually enjoyed it? I took pride in it?”

Ovi shakes his head.

“I did it for the money. That’s it. I didn’t do it to help people. I didn’t give a shit about myself, why would I give a shit about them? And then you came along, and Dhaka happened, and that was my one chance to make things right. For redemption. To prove I wasn’t a shit human being. And part of me was ready to die that day. More than ready.  And another part of me wanted to stay alive because I thought maybe...just maybe...I’d met someone that could teach me how to give a shit again. That would actually give a shit about me.”

“She obviously did. And still does. Or she wouldn’t be here.”

“She stayed behind on that bridge. Knowing there was a chance that Asif would get a hold of her.  Do you know what would have happened to her if he had? What he would have done to her? Way worse than he would have done to you. He would have killed you quickly.  He would have waited days with her. Weeks. Until he was bored with her; tired of doing all kinds of sick and twisted shit to her.”

Ovi swallows heavily, tears welling in his eyes.

“And she still stayed. Knowing what would happen if she got caught there. Fucking Nik took off. She wasn’t even going to come back for us. Everything should have told Esme to leave me there and she didn’t. So don’t come here...to my house...and even think about disrespecting my wife.”

“I wasn’t going to. I...”

“You didn’t even give a shit about what she had to say last night. She’s trying to save your life and you didn’t even care. She doesn’t want you ending up like me, don’t you fucking get that? You think I want to be like this? Fucked in the head? Having to take medication every morning to just goddamn function like somewhat of a human being? You think I want my wife and my kids to see me like this? What the hell is wrong with you that you can’t see what the job does? It hasn’t just fucked me up, it’s fucked all of them up. My wife, my kids. Why can’t you see that?”

“I don’t expect you to get back into the job. Just to help me. And you said you would. With the training. You said...”

“You think it’s really going to stop there? That that’s going to be enough? I’m going to get dragged back into this shit. You know it, I know it. Esme knows it. And it’s fucking killing her inside. Because I told her that this time I was done for good. And now look. Look at the goddamn mess you’ve gotten me into.”

“I never meant to...”

“Never meant to what? Bring me back into it? Bullshit. It’s what you wanted right from the get-go. You never wanted to do  this alone. You wanted me with you right from the start. Well now you got what you want. You’ve got me right back into this crap. Whether I want to be in it or not. You know I wouldn’t let you do it alone. You damn well knew from the start I’d never let that happen, didn’t you.”

Ovi reluctantly nods.

“Well I hope you’re prepared then. Because I’m not going to make this easy on you. You want me to drag me off to some shit hole and get me killed, I get to do things my way. And I swear to Christ, if my marriage falls apart because of this and I lose my kids....”

“You won’t. That won’t happen. She’d never leave. You know she wouldn’t.”

“I know she WOULD. Don’t tempt it. I break one more promise to her and it’s done. She’ll take off and I’ll never see my kids again. And I’ll spend the rest of my life making yours miserable because of it. Understand me?”

“I don’t understand why you’re both so worried. Why you’re both so upset. I don’t...”

“What if I don’t come back?” Tyler angrily interjects. “What if this is the one time no one is around to save me? What if it’s the one time a sniper puts a bullet in my head instead of my chest? Do you know what I leave behind? Five kids. Five little kids that deserve so much better than this. Does that even matter to you? Do they even matter to you?”

“Of course they do!” Ovi exclaims. “I love those kids! They’re my brothers and sisters! How could you even ask me that? How could you...?”

“You love them but you’re willing to take their dad away from them? It’s okay that I go in there to rescue your ass, but I get killed for it? I leave them behind; I leave Esme behind. Do you know what that would do to her? Me not coming back? Like what the fuck?”  He angrily tosses the craft supplies into a storage container on the edge of the patio and slams the lid closed. “Do you not realize everything I stand to lose?”

“I do. I do realize that. You have a life. A wife and kids and...:”

“And you’re still going to do it. You’re still going to go ahead with this bullshit.”

Ovi sighs.  

“We start the day after Millie’s birthday. I don’t want to hear anything more about it until then. You know you’re more than welcome to keep coming over here, just don’t talk about this again. Not in front of my wife. And especially not in front of my kids.  Understand me?”

“I understand.”

“We’re finished here. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s been a long fucking day and I’m done with it. With everything. I’m going into Port Douglas tomorrow to take Millie to see my dad. You can come along if you don’t mention a word of this around her.”

“Okay. I’d like that. To see him again.  And I’m sorry. I really am. For all the problems. For all the bullshit. I never meant to cause issues. Especially for you and Esme. I never meant...”

“You come between us and fuck things up, I will make your life hell,” Tyler vows, as he gathers up the dirty coffee mug and steps towards the entrance to the house.  “I lose my family because of all this, it won’t end well for you.”

“Tyler, I...”

“We’re done with this,” he says, and then slams the door closed behind him.

[blue-spider-lily]

Ahhhhhhhh after Kirio senpai, the animators are building the "Irumi and friends" hype 😂😂😂. I was S C R E E C H I N G when I didn't see her in the ep 22 trailer 🤧✌. I cannot wait for the S2 announcement if it ever comes.

Honestly same :)I was surprised at how good her character turned out in anime. All this chaotic energy XD Mmmm give me more Kuromu!

[spookysp-ace]

ushiboku, oidai, and yamahina!!!

i ended up rating all them because i actually really like each of these, so the scale is kind of on how much i love them :’))

UshiBoku

8/10

n i c e

OKAY!!! so!!!! i haven’t thought about this too often???? but i just went through a ton of posts that i’ll reblog later like 🥺🥺 they’re so cute..... mmmm....

i started thinking of them on a team together (as one might when they think of two volleyball aces) but then i thought of them coaching??? can you imagine Ushiwaka starts coaching Shiratorizawa when he’s older, and Bo starts coaching Fukurodani??? anyways that would be very cute and funny of them. because Bo would just kind of have a wide grin as he shook hands with Ushi, and say something like “so the rivalry continues” and Ushi would just respond with “there was never a rivalry” just kind of confused?? 🥺

OiDai

22/10

f a v

ONE. OF. MY. FAVS. i know i don’t post about them often because kurodai is really my think but OIDAI??? i don’t know if you follow the stageplay but this scene happened:

https://beaulesbian.tumblr.com/post/141168631424/receiving-isnt-something-you-can-improve

^^^ this post has more gifs of it 🥰🥰

ANYWAYS. MY HEART JUST SQUEEZED????? like...... the daichi just gets so close....

before then i’d never thought about it but uh 👍👏 thank you so much stageplay. thank you.... such kindness to my daichi heart....

i have this one fic (that i’m gonna publish by the end of the week i hope? 🤔) where they are a side pairing and it’s gonna be CUTE. like someone wants to talk to Oikawa but Daichi answers the phone instead? or is at the door when the person knocks? i don’t know, i haven’t made up my mind but. i love them. and i’d love to hear hc’s you have about them

they’re one of my FAVORITE ships. i really could talk about them forever 🥺 like i have this OiDai fic i’ve been trying to motivate myself into working in because they DESERVE IT. and it’s really just Oikawa like 😳😳 at Daichi all them.

YamaHina

6/10

g o o d

i’m going to be honest that i don’t have all that much to say about then??? i think they’re extremely cute and would make a great captain/co-captain duo 🥺🥺 and anytime they’re a side pairing in a fic????? N I C E. as much as people claim Yama to be the responsible one, i think Hinata could convince him into making so chaos 😂😂 and i’m HERE FOR IT. i’ll have to definitely check out more of their content 🥺

—

🥰❤️ thank you for the ask 😭😭

[aaternum-a]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER.

can be used for rp & non-rp blogs to get to know a bit about the person behind the screen !

1. FIRST NAME  ⇢  cherub

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF ⇢ hmm, not sure if this is strange, but i’ve never traveled outside the east-coast .. so i dunno what jet lag and allat other stuff is like!

3. TOP 3 PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON  ⇢  ummmm, eyes, smile, and uhhhhhhhhhhh--

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF  ⇢  this is gonna sound like the real struggle lmao but bear with me, i really love a spam and cheese sandwich. it’s saturated in sodium, i know, but growing up i had it a lot. issa real struggle meal, i know.

5. A FOOD YOU HATE ⇢ spaghetti squash. 0/10 would not recommend. 

6. GUILTY PLEASURE ⇢ lol i like watching house hunters: renovation on hgtv, knowing most of it is fake and still being like ‘wow i want that’.

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN ⇢ big t-shirts, sweatpants or pajama bottoms, nuffin’ special.

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS ⇢ i’m married, so serious relationships. c:

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE ⇢ man, unless i had a guarantee that i’d still have my kids, nothing. i could say i wished i started school sooner, but at the same time, i don’t think i would have done as well as i’ve done now. so .. yeah, maybe study better in high school. that’s about it!

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON ⇢  with my kids, yes. with other people, not really. at least not physically. i’ll spam you with verbal love tho!!!! 

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN ⇢ dragon ball super broly ... i’ve watched it more times than i care to admit. but i love it. i need more bardock and gine. pls.

12. FAVORITE BOOK ⇢ uhMMMMMM, i don’t know! it’s been a while since i’ve really sat down to read. probably over 5 years (aside from self-help books). and lol .. all i ready were .. young adult dystopian, romance novels. like the shit you’d find on the episode app sjkfnjkasnfka but the last one i remember really enjoying was eve by anna carey. think handmaidens tale? it was really enjoyable, idk. maybe i won’t think so now since that was a while ago!

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE ⇢ i live with my in-laws and they have a lot of animals .. 20? (snakes, bearded dragons, dogs, cats, birds  ...) we don’t need more. 

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] ⇢ kanda/lenalee (d.gray man), kiba/hinata (naruto), sion/nezumi (no.6), superboy/miss martian(young justice) ( tbh i ship most things that aren’t canon so ye)

15. PIE OR CAKE ⇢ mmmm, i used to be cake, but now i think i’m a pie kinda gal.

16. FAVORITE SCENT ⇢ i love the scent of new books lmfao and laundromats.

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH ⇢ don’t have one! 

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO ⇢ japan! dream trip is to go to disneyland there and then do some exploring.

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT ⇢ introvert!

20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY ⇢ i do. but i love horror movies and indulge in scary things, so :shrug emoji:

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID ⇢ iphone!

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES ⇢ i play animal crossing, but i don’t have a switch so rip to me getting the new one.

23. DREAM JOB ⇢ CRNA! i’m working on my RN right now, but i hope to work on an ICU unit next year. c:

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS ⇢ lmaoooo pay off my education, get a nice house, invest, and treat myself and my family.

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE ⇢ oof uhh .. i’m all aboard the muzan hate train and malcom lvellie hate train. but i can’t think of any others at this very moment.

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER ⇢ oof uh young justice i think! i still watch, but i don’t participate in the fandom anymore!

tagged by: @kyoanikis​ ( aaaa thank you!! ) tagging: @altaindustries​​, @craneguard​, @bombolear​, @kleinemeine​, @vespyren​ @multismashed​

[writing-to-stay-awake]

For the ask thing, let's go everything with a 2 if you don't mind

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Um. I honestly have no idea? I don’t have any burning desires to meet famous people or whatever? So, like, just someone random but who’s real cool? I guess?

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

We were all kids once. Of course I have. And so have you probably. 

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Weakness: I’m a benefit of the doubt type person. So, when I meet people, I tend to trust they have good intentions. I don’t think it makes me naive per se, but I do get shafted by that a lot.

Strength: In the same vain, I think one of my greatest strengths is my loyalty and my ability to trust and forgive people. Everything has an up and down side. It just depends on the situation.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

I absolutely could not tell you? Like, most of them are amazing? How can anyone pick just one?

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Nope. I got body issues. But, like, if you can? Sounds fun. 

23: How do you vent your anger?

Mmmm. I run. Or write overdramatic stuff that no one will ever read. Or drive around in my car and listen to music that makes me feel better. And eventually I calm down and get rational again. Seems healthy enough?

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

I used to collect cards when I was a kid? But not so much collecting of anything now. 

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Oh. Um. I dunno? If I like talking to the person I don’t think it matters? And if I don’t like the person I hate both equally lol.

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? 

In a lot of ways, yes. I think I’ve managed to take and mature a lot of my best traits. And in other ways, no. I think we all spend our entire lifetimes growing. I have time still to work on the bits that maybe I’m still not so happy with. 

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Already answered this. 

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

My biggest what if? Ooof. Um. I mean, at one point I was in a pretty serious relationship and was gonna ask her to marry me? Like, once I’d finished school and everything. And then things happened and we ended up breaking up. I guess that’s a pretty big what if? It’s all in the past now though. 

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Ghosts: Look, I don’t know how to categorize it. All I know is I went to college on a very old very haunted campus and I’ve seen some things. Could it all have been in my head? Sure. But why not just say yes. There’s a lot we don’t know or understand yet.

Aliens: Space is just too big for us to be the only ones in it? But I’m also not over here looking for them, right?

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

Back when I was playing fastpitch I visited some really shitty places. But like, anywhere that doesn’t have a legit toilet for me to use would fall into this category.

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Not really. It makes me nervous that something will catch fire or explode. I’m nervous like that. 

52: What is your astrological sign?

I’m a Taurus/Gemini cusp. But like, definitely a Taurus. 

62: What’s your favourite animal?

This one changes often enough, but right now? Elephants I think. 

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

Already answered this. 

82: What is your favourite word?

Petrichor. I just really like it. I don’t go around saying it though. 

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

There are a few half-hour moments I would probably choose where I was just with one of my favorite people. They’re impossible to describe? Or whatever. Just nothing moments really where I was really really happy. 

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 22: 1x07 What Are Little Girls Made Of?

Today was an inexplicably good day?? Weird. Even before the watching TOS part.

My mom immediately pointed out that Christine had her hair done. Well of course! It’s seeing the fiance day!

I can’t believe she hasn’t seen Roger in 5 years.

Perhaps why she feels comfortable drunk-confessing her love for an alien lol.

Another story of a person exploring an abandoned planet and playing around with the stuff he finds there. I gotta say truly and unironically this never gets old for me.

Also another story of Kirk meeting one of his heroes. The boy likes to read, and then imagine meeting the authors.

I always get so excited just to be watching Star Trek that I miss half the exposition at the beginning of each ep.

Mmmm, underground ruins built by past inhabitants.

HavE YOU evER BeEn enGAGEd mr SPOCK?

He’s married right now.

Love how both Jim and Christine are like “I must know, I must know the answer to this.”

Christine so sure that it’s Roger BUT IT’S NOT ROGER like???? This relationship isn’t gonna work.

The cute Christine and Uhura moment in the background (is it gay?? it isn’t on its face but that lip touching moment sure is!) and Spock in the Captain’s chair.

The long shot looks like a realistic ice planet and the close up looks like boxes covered in soft white blankets.

“Beam down..............hmmmm................two security men.”

Look at all those penises.

Oh Kirk, every time a crewman dies, that’s all he cares or thinks about.

Christine is displeased to meet Android Andrea.

Kirk’s face when Roger and Christine kiss is hilarious to me?? Like he kinda makes a kissing motion? So jealous.

Kirk’s tiny little phaser is so bizarre.

Oh no! They’re....androids!! Dun dun dun.

Spock recognizes that it’s not Kirk’s voice talking to him right away like who is the REAL engaged couple here hmmm??

Smart Kirk move #1: adding “or disobey orders from her” to Ruk’s programming.

The idea of this android just tending machinery for hundreds of years is so sad.

This is my kind of action sequence: very obviously choreographed.

“How can you love him if you don’t trust him?” A very perceptive android.

Love the shocked music at the reveal Andrea is an android as if this weren’t the MOST obvious thing from the start.

She has skin and a pulse? “How convenient.”

When Christine asks “Did you [love the machine]?” she definitely means “Did you have sex with the machine?” Otherwise she would have phrased it as “Do you?” as in a continuous action, versus, a past event.

Wish Spock were here to comment on the perfectly logical machines.

Love the green pre-android lol.

So do the androids have to be fashioned after real people and if so, who is Andrea?

Smart Kirk move #2: Programming obviously false sentiments into his brain at the right moment, so Spock will know there’s something wrong.

“I am now programmed to please you also” sounds so ominous. Ominous and a big ol’ admission she and Roger fucked.

Bringing in Android Kirk to prove his believability to Chapel is honestly, watching it now, such a betrayal. Like, sending in someone she trusts to talk to her, knowing she’ll be honest and open with him, and then telling her it’s just a trick or a test? I was never so bothered by it before but watching it now, wow, Roger is AWFUL.

Stop everything it’s SAM KIRK TIME. I love Sam. Find it weird that no one else calls him Sam if George is Kirk Sr.’s name b/c my experience with kids who share family names is everyone in the family/family’s orbit picks up the nickname/middle name/whatever.

Where did his other two sons go?

Did he ever make it to Earth Colony 2?

Sorry just picturing Sam and his family seeing Kirk off and getting EMO.

Roger describing the usefulness of androids reminds me of, mmm, Dollhouse. Altered Carbon. T100.

Either Korby just generally lost his mind or something was corrupted when he became an android.

Oh Kirk. What does he love in humans? Love, tenderness, sentiment. A ROMANTIC NERD.

Mom contends, and I agree that Ruk is very stylishly dressed. I suppose he must look like the Old Ones? I never thought about it, but based on how the androids are made, they must have been physically indistinguishable from the Old Ones.

Kirk is armed now, with a giant pink phallus.

Spock sees the Captain walk right past him, without saying hi, and he is IMMEDIATELY suspicious. Just walks right away from what he was doing like lol whatever.

Now Spock knows for sure... the real Captain wouldn’t be so cavalier with official papers and he definitely wouldn’t use racial slurs!!

Kirk the honeypot. What I say every time he uses his sexuality for a purpose (not the same as being a womanizer btw!!!).

Oh Andrea DEFINITELY had sex with Roger. “I’m not programmed for you!”

Spock would disagree that saving the Captain is illogical.

“They turned us off!” I know there are other stories that go into this type of narrative more (Blade Runner) but... I still want to know more about these particular androids and aliens.

“Survival must cancel out programming.”

These androids, not counting Ruk, are like honestly not very smart at all. Kirk is very much distinguishable from real Kirk. (Just brushing off a weird attempted kiss with “it is illogical.”) Andrea is very easily confused. Doesn’t know who she’s killing, doesn’t know what she’s about.

Spock got the message!

“Your flawless beings killing one another.”

Korby is honestly a lot more interesting than I remembered. I remembered the part about him being an android, and pretty quickly the part about him actually transferring his consciousness, but... he’s so different from the Korby Kirk read about and Christine knew. Would that have happened anyway, just from his experiences? Or was it becoming an android that did it? I think there’s some evidence for the latter, like how he tries to prove his humanity and can only think of actions a machine would take. Plus all the emphasis all the way through on them being “just machines.” And it must be said, we don’t know how different Ruk is from the Old Ones, intellectually or personality wise, but we know that Kirk is a poor substitute, so it doesn’t seem likely Roger was actually all that good at his experiments yet. Doesn’t seem plausible he transferred himself correctly.

“Everything you’ve done has proved it isn’t you.”

I wonder why Ruk was the only android left? Did the others break down? Are there rusted android carcasses hanging out somewhere? Or like... rotting android bodies?

And THEN the little last minute twist with Andrea--DID she have feelings? Was she becoming human in some way?

Look Christine, your other boyfriend Spock is here!

Spock’s expression at the end totally kills me. “Ugh, fine, I GUESS I understand you were in a really WEIRD situation what with being turned into an ANDROID and all.”

I feel bad for him that he had to hear Kirk say such awful things to him. But that was the point! It had to be something the real Kirk would NEVER say!

This was a really good Kirk ep, and I definitely saw nuances in the android story that I didn’t see before/didn’t remember. Like Mudd’s Women, it put a lot of its most interesting stuff really fast into a few scenes, mostly at the end, but still overall a really solid episode.

And I’m still ASCENDING over the “Have you ever been engaged, Mr. Spock?” I can’t help it, I am a simple being.