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rosiestdreams · 1 day ago

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we'll be a fine line | itoshi sae

—through time, distance, and growth. no matter how long or how far apart. you and itoshi sae would always be each other's comfort. from now till forevermore.

↳ pairing: itoshi sae x gn! reader

↳ genre: fluff, angst, comfort, childhood friends to lovers au! figure skater! reader

↳ word count: 9.4k (wowowie)

↳ warnings: cursing, lowkey platonic rin x reader

↳ rosie's notes: first blue lock fic!!! i can't stop thinking of my new fave pair of doomed siblings, so i wrote a fic about it. idk why fine line reminds me of sae a lot. hope you guys enjoy! lmk what y'all think :>>

blue lock masterlist

Your story with Itoshi Sae began when you were 5.

The first day of kindergarten was nervewracking; the biggest challenge you ever faced in the 5 years you lived on earth. As an only child, you were never used to meeting and playing with other people, much more people you barely knew. Even your cousins, who were a bit older than you, were too loud for your liking.

You were afraid of meeting new people. There were too many possibilities on what would happen. Would anyone want to play with you? What if what you liked wasn’t exactly what everyone liked doing? It was scary. Terrifying even. Even meeting your new teacher, a kind young woman with a caring smile, was sort of intimidating. Leaving your parent’s hold and reaching out to your teacher’s hand felt like a step into something you could have never imagined.

But she was comforting, and so you clung to her. Let her escort you into a small room with ten other kids, all playing with each other. They all looked like good friends already. Maybe making friends wouldn’t be possible with how shy you were.

Then play time rolled around. Your teacher encouraged everyone to play outside. You looked around the playground, trying to find somewhere to stay. There were already kids playing in the swing, hanging from the monkeybars, and sliding down the slide. You didn’t know where to go. Who you could ask to play with. Maybe you should just go back inside and ask your teacher if you could color and draw instead. That sounded like a good idea. Besides, you weren’t really good at outdoor games anyway–

“–Watch out!”

Pain. A sharp pain that bloomed all over your face. Force so strong, you fell on your butt, stunned. You blink, unable to process what had just happened. Your eyes tread down. In front of you was a soccer ball. You had just been hit on the face with a soccer ball.

The tears came soon after.

It hurt. The throbbing ache from your nose made you feel terrible. Your first day in kindergarten and someone had already hit you. How were you supposed to make friends now? Your tears flowed down your face, your sobs echoing through the open field. You were pretty sure the teacher was heading straight toward you. But someone beat her to it.

“Are you okay?” Through your teary eyes, you looked up, staring straight into the brightest cerulean eyes you had ever seen. It was a boy from your class. He was a bit taller than the other boys, and he had the most interesting magenta hair that glistened underneath the sun.

He was kneeling in front of you, extremely panicked. “I’m sorry,” he says, not knowing what to do. “I didn’t mean to hit you with the ball.”

So it was his fault that you were experiencing agony. Not knowing what to do or say, you continued crying, making the boy more alarmed.

“I’m really sorry!” He exclaims, frantic. “Please don’t cry!” His desperate pleas went unheard, as you cried even more, and finally, your teacher arrived, shocked and panicked in her own way.

“Itoshi Sae!” She scolded gently as she examined your face. There was a bright red mark from the bridge of your nose all the way to your forehead. She grimaced. For sure the pain had to be unbearable. “You know I told you to be careful when playing soccer.”

“I’m sorry, teacher,” The boy, who you now learned was named Sae, said. He was on the verge of tears. He genuinely didn’t mean to hurt anyone. He felt terrible, his gut churning and his head screaming at him. “I really didn’t mean it! I swear!” A silent tear slipped down his face.

Your teacher looked at the both of you. You, sobbing incoherently, clinging to her tightly in the hopes she could take the pain away. Him, the usual sunshine of the class with silent tears threatening to fall from the corner of his eyes. Your teacher sighed, hoisting you up safely into her arms.

“Goodness, what am I going to do with you?” She sighs, resigned, reaching her free hand to ruffle Sae’s hair. “I’ll have (Y/N) checked by the nurse okay? No more soccer for you. Get back inside.”

Sniffling, Sae obeys. Following you and your teacher back into the building, hoping you would come back to class soon so he could apologize properly. Sadly, you didn’t come back for the rest of the day, staying in the infirmary with the school nurse, an ice pack gently pressed over your aching forehead. When the adrenaline and shock had died down, you laid in the bed, fidgeting.

“What’s wrong sweetie?” The nurse had asked, after seeing your worried expression. Hesitant, you look up at her, unsure. But like most of the staff in your kindergarten, the nurse’s eyes were kind and encouraging.

“Is he going to be in trouble?” You whisper, nervously. The nurse blinks, wondering who you were talking about. When she realizes that you were referring to Sae, she chuckles, slowly caressing your forehead.

“A bit,” she says honestly. Yet, there was no hostility in her tone. “But he’ll be okay. Once Sae learns his lesson he’ll be back to playing soccer. Hopefully, without kicking the ball to your face ever again.”

You smile, giggling at your nurse’s words. Looking out the window, you observe the older kids playing in the playground. It was their turn to have some fun. You can’t help but think about Sae. His frantic, but calm voice. His worried expression. His pretty, cerulean eyes.

Hopefully you can talk to him again.

When your parents came to pick you up at the end of the day, they threw a whole ordeal at the news that your face had been hit by a ball. Worried, your mom examined your face, but the pain had subsided at this point. All that was left was the subtle curiosity over the boy who kicked a ball to your face on your first meeting.

Just as you were about to leave, right after your parents and teacher had exchanged pleasantries and apologies, a voice called out to you.

“(Y/N)!” You turn around to see Itoshi Sae himself running up to you. Your teacher and parents look at him in surprise, waiting to see what he’ll do.

He stands in front of you. A little nervous, but there was a calming presence to you that gave him the courage to say what he needed to say.

“I’m really sorry,” He bows, at a full 90 degree angle. His volume startles you, and you watch bewildered as he continues. “I’ll be more careful next time. Please forgive me!”

It’s silent, your parents looking at you to see what you’ll do. You stare at him, not knowing how to react or what to say. It took everything in you to respond. You’re not sure where you got the courage from. “It’s okay,” you say, weary but firm. “I forgive you, Sae…”

At the speed of light, Sae stands from his bow, looking at you with those lovely cerulean eyes, now more shinier than when you first saw him earlier.

“Thank you!” His hands are contained in sheer excitement, not wanting to startle you too bad. “I promise I won’t do it again!”

You smile, his excitement contagious. He seemed like someone fun to hang around. “Um…” you begin, after a few moments. “I have something to ask you…”

Sae blinks, a bit taken aback. “What is it?”

This was it. This was the moment you were waiting for all day. An opportunity to make a friend. It was now or never.

Shyly, while looking at the ground, you finally let out the question you’ve been meaning to ask the whole afternoon. “Will you be my friend?”

There’s a moment of silence. And you’re afraid that Sae will reject you. Turn down your offer of being friends. But when you take a peek, curious and hopeful, you’re shocked to see him beaming at you like you just told him the best news he could ever receive.

“Of course!” He says, grinning wide. A warmth spreads through you, and you have the courage to look up, a small smile of your own beginning to form.

“We’ll be the bestest friends ever!”

And if your parents notice you skipping all the way home, they don’t say anything about it.

You and Sae were 8 when you started hanging out everyday with his little brother Rin.

Ever since that fateful day when you had mustered up the courage to ask Sae to be your friend, the two of you had been two peas in a pod.

Sae, you found, wasn't as loud as the others. He was bright, sure, and did stupid things that got you in trouble with the teachers. But he was a comfortable presence. When you were with Sae, you felt like anything and everything was possible.

When the two of you entered first grade, Sae had thrown himself more and more into soccer. He signed up for a private club outside of school, and you enjoyed watching him play. You never really understood the fun in soccer. To you, it seemed like such a cruel game. But Sae was always the happiest when he was on the field. And seeing him happy made you happy as well.

But him spending more time doing his favorite sport did nothing to tamper with your friendship. In fact, it only made it stronger. Seeing your best friend thrive and strive towards a dream of his own, made you hunger for your own dream. One you found after trying countless other sports, Sae often coming with you after your tireless begging.

He was the one who held your hand when you were scared of trying something new. While he wasn’t as good at anything aside from soccer, his willingness and courage to challenge a new sport gave you the courage to explore what you really wanted to do in life.

And the first time you put on your skates and glided into the ice, wobbling on your feet, trying to maintain your balance while Sae had already fallen himself, you knew you found your own home.

Gliding on the ice felt liberating. The cool air, the endless possibilities, the heights you could reach. You, in your own right, proved to be a natural on the ice. Like Sae, you were a prodigy when it came to figure skating. A diamond in the rough. A dime a dozen.

Your friendship with Sae fell into a rhythm long after that. Sometimes, you would watch him play, and other times he would watch you skate. Both of you supporting each other in your element. And occasionally, when both of you didn’t have practice, you would still do stupid things because it was fun, and that was all that mattered.

When he first introduced you to his little brother, Rin, with his doe eyes and his childlike wonder, you immediately got attached. Rin was adorable, dinosaur toys in hand, tagging along to whatever you and Sae were up to for the day.

You pushed him on the polar bear seat provided at the rink when he wanted to get in on the ice. You and Sae taught him how to stay steady on his feet when he first expressed wanting to learn how to skate. Sae taught Rin about soccer. Rin looked up to the two of you, and saw you as his older sister. Like you had always been part of the family. Like you were the perfect fit.

He learned from his brother that the best way to eat curry was from the middle where it blended with the rice. He learned from you that slurping your ramen noodles, no matter how messy, was a compliment to the chef. When the three of you would hang out by the pier, he would follow your weird poses and Sae’s strange photo requests to make it seem like he was eating a rainbow.

In those precious moments, all felt right in the world.

“He fell asleep,” you say softly, breaking the silent trance of the night.

You were staying over at the Itoshi residence for a week as your parents were out in another country for an important worktrip. The three of you decided to start watching a dinosaur movie (It was Rin’s idea) that you had already seen multiple times. But it was Rin’s favorite, and seeing the way he would gaze admiringly at the screen, whenever a dinosaur popped out made the endless rewatches all the more bearable. The three of you sat next to each other on the couch, Rin in between you and Sae. A fluffy blanket draped over the three of you, and an almost empty bowl of popcorn on the table in front of you.

Rin, halfway through the movie, had dozed off, it being way past his bedtime. In a few minutes, Sae’s parents would come by, making all of you go to bed. But until then, it was a rare moment where you could sit by Sae in total comfort. A silence that didn’t need words. A silence that was yours.

Sae smiles at the sight of Rin dozing off blissfully, his head had found its way to his older brother’s shoulder, and Sae let him sleep, his soft snores filling the silence. The two of you weren’t even paying attention to the movie anymore.

“Sae,” you call softly, as if you were afraid to break the beautiful quiet that surrounded the two of you. Sae hums, trying to focus on the movie in front of him. The dinosaurs had begun chasing the humans. But it was uninteresting to him. He had seen this scene a couple of times already. You, however, were far more interesting to him.

“What’s your dream?” You’ve always had a hunch that he wanted to be a professional soccer player, but the two of you never said your dreams out loud. It was always a silent agreement, something you saw in each other’s eyes and knew deep within your souls. But sometimes, speaking it out into a void gave a new meaning to the dreams you held on to.

“Why do you ask?” He asks back. You turn to look at him, eyes boring into his frame, rigid and stiff, unmoving from not wanting to disturb his little brother.

“No reason,” you answer, looking back at the TV, knees pulled up to your chest, head resting on your knees. “Just… curious.”

There’s silence after that, and you’re beginning to think that you’ll never know specifically what Sae’s dream would be.

“To be number one,” He says after a while, with the kind of quiet determination that filled his lungs, and gave breath to his soul. “To be the best striker in the world!” There’s a shimmer in his eyes that was breathtaking. A conviction so pure and true, that you believed he would make it a reality. That Itoshi Sae would be number one, no matter what it takes.

“Then I’ll be number one too!” You whisper, smiling to yourself. This time, it was Sae’s turn to look at you. But his eyes held no doubt, no fear that your dream was impossible. His conviction was not only for himself, but it extended to you as well. The two of you would be number one, together. “The number one figure skater in the world!”

Sae reaches out his hand, pinky held up. There’s a soft smile on his face. “It’s a promise then. We’ll both be number one and rule the world.”

You beamed, delighted, lacing your pinky with his own. A promise. A vow. One that the two of you would do everything to uphold. This was your dream. A dream spoken into the softness of the night. A reminder that the two of you, no matter what, would climb all the way until you reached the mountaintop. And admire the view, side by side.

When Sae turned to 13, he received the opportunity of a lifetime.

By then, Rin had followed in his brother’s footsteps. The Itoshi brothers were a force to be reckoned with on the soccer field. When they were playing with each other, it was almost guaranteed that they would win the match. Sae’s dream had expanded, wanting to be the number one, with Rin following right behind him. They were rising stars in the soccer world, and you cheered them on from the sidelines.

You too, were a rising star. A few junior championships under your belt, your name making waves across the figure skating scene. In a few years time, people were beginning to be certain that you would make your olympic debut.

And just like how you cheered them on in every match, Sae and Rin were always there to cheer you on. A bouquet of flowers always ready in Sae’s hands.

Life felt perfect. You were doing well in your sport, you had a great relationship with your best friend, you were doing decently in school. You were the happiest you could ever be. Even with all the pressure that came with being an elite figure skater…from the media, to your coaches, to every single figure skating fan, you still felt overjoyed. Because you were achieving your dream side by side with the people who mattered to you most.

It was almost too good to be true.

The sound of metal gliding through ice filled the air as you prepared to do a single jump to finish your training for the day. When you landed, perfectly executing the jump, you let out a satisfied sigh, skating over to the edge of the rink for a quick water break when you see him. Sae was sitting on the bleachers, watching you intently.

“Sae!” You called, happily waving to him. Sae lets out a soft smile, waving back to you. He approaches the rink’s exit, just as you skate out of the rink and into his arms, hugging him happily. “I thought you had training today?”

He nods, letting go of the hug. “Yeah, but I had to talk with you about something important.” There was hesitation in his words. A looming sadness that made you nervous.

“Okay, I’ll just pack up, and then we can go to the pier?” Sae nods, hands in his pocket. The rink was always a little too cold for his liking, but he never complained. Wordlessly, you grab your skate guards, put them on, and head to the locker room, changing from your skates to a more casual pair of shoes.

Your mind was racing. What could Sae want to talk about? He almost never goes out of his way like this. Usually if he had something important to tell you, he would wait until the next time the two of you would hang out. What was so urgent that he had to go out of his way to meet you?

Duffel bag thrown over your shoulder, you head out to where Sae was waiting for you outside. Like clockwork, he takes your duffel bag from your hands, and you don’t protest. Every time you did, Sae always seemed to take it personally. It had been part of your routine in the 5 years since you both got serious about your dream.

The two of you walk in silence. A heavy weight and unusual tension falling in between the two of you. You didn’t know what to say. It was unusual for tension this thick to surround the two of you. It made you nervous, your stomach churning. You had only hoped that your worries were for naught.

By the time you two arrived at the pier, sitting down, legs dangling over the edge, the nerves were beginning to get to you. It was almost worse than the anxiety you felt moments before heading to the ice on your first competition. But that was obvious. This was Sae. Your best friend since the beginning. The man you confided and found comfort in. Your support system, the man unafraid of looking silly if it meant you felt better. The man who loved his little brother to the moon and back, even if he didn’t say it. The man who shined everyday when he was on the field. Brighter than the sun.

“What did you want to talk about?” You say, finally breaking the silence. Your question thrown out in the wind. It was soft, nervous, and uneasy. It made you want to hide from how fragile and scared you sounded. Who knows? Maybe he was just playing tricks on you.

But you knew Sae better than that.

It took a while, Sae staring into the setting sun. The sunset felt a bit ominous to him, as if he knew he was about to close a very important chapter in his life. Sae, despite not wanting to admit it, cherished you. You were his closest friend, someone who accepted him wholeheartedly, even when he was dumb and silly most times. You doted on him and his little brother. Supported him through every match and challenge, all the while paving the way for your own dreams. The two of you were and will always be peas in a pod.

But for the first time, he was going to learn how to go through life without you by his side.

“I got scouted by Real Madrid,” he finally says, not wanting to look at you. He didn’t know how you would react. He didn’t want to see despair falling on your features. It would kill him. This opportunity was everything he ever wanted, but at the same time, taking it would mean leaving you and Rin back home. Leaving his whole world and everything he loved behind.

His words lay heavy on your psyche. He got scouted. By a club in Spain. The world was finally going to see Itoshi Sae’s brilliance on the court. Sae who played beautifully, his goals and passes drawing people in like it was art on the field. He was doing it, he was taking one more step to becoming the best striker in the world. You were elated, over the moon. It was wonderful news, and you wanted to celebrate. Shout at the top of your lungs that your best friend was going to be the best at the ripe age of thirteen.

But then it hit you. What him being scouted would mean. How the trajectory of your lives would change. This was great news. But it meant that everything as you know it would begin to fall apart at the seams. You stare out into the sunset, gathering your thoughts. An unexplainable flurry of emotions churning intensely throughout your body. You didn’t know what to feel, but you were feeling everything, everywhere, all at once. It was intense.

“Does Rin know?” You ask softly, afraid that your voice would crack and Sae would feel the whirlwind of emotions you were going through. You think of the memories the three of you had. Your childhood was all the more special because you spent it with them at your side. To think it would all collapse like this. You hoped not.

“Yeah,” Sae says, unusually solemn. “He knows. He’s been sulking all day in his room since I told him.”

You let out a half-hearted giggle. “That’s just like him. You’re literally his idol, you know.” You smile fondly at the thought of Rin. The way he followed you around like the two of you were the sun, and he revolved around the two of you was something you always loved about him. Of course he was upset. His beloved older brother would be leaving for who knows how long.

“When are you leaving?” If Sae notices the tremble in your voice, he doesn’t say anything, and you’re thankful for it. You didn’t want to cry. It was good news. Your best friend was one step closer to achieving his dream. Why would you ruin the moment by crying over it?

But Sae was your best friend for a reason. He knew you in and out at this point. He knew when you were on the verge of tears. He knew when you were trying to act strong. You were the kind of person who put others first. But you were also strong. A person who chased their dreams with a fiery passion that could set others ablaze.

Gently, without saying anything, he places a hand over yours. There’s a faint blush on his cheeks. He wasn’t usually this physically intimate. But he could tell you needed it. He was the one leaving you behind after all.

“Next week.” Is all he says. His hands are comforting where they hold yours. Sae wasn’t a boy of many words. But it was the little things like these that spoke more than words could ever say.

You’ll be alright.

We’ll be alright.

It will hurt, but you’re stronger than this.

Our friendship is stronger than this.

“You can cry, you know,” Sae says after a moment of contemplating. You finally look at him, tears threatening to fall from your eyes. “It’s not like anyone’s going to judge you. It’s just me here.”

The tears begin to fall. Just like you did when you were younger, you cry in front of Sae. But not because he hurt you. But rather, because you’d miss him. You already miss him, even if he hasn’t left yet. Because it feels like a part of him had already left. His mind was already set for Spain.

You knew he would eventually leave. He was always vocal about the fact that he despised Japanese soccer and he wanted to pursue his dreams on the world stage. You had always known that he was meant for something bigger. But that doesn’t change the fact that him actually leaving stung. It was almost more painful than the time he kicked that soccer ball to your face when you two were five.

Sae holds your hand a little tighter, and just like when you were toddlers, a lone tear falls down his face. Because he too, would miss you. He’d miss your laugh, the way you jumped behind his back every time you saw him down the hallway. He missed the way you would scream, scolding him from the bleachers when he wasn’t playing his best. He’ll miss all the sleepovers, the failed cooking attempts, trips to your favorite curry restaurant, and messing around at the pier. He’ll miss playing with this younger brother, passing the ball directly to him and watching him score.

He’ll miss the life that he’s about to leave behind.

But Sae knows deep within his heart, that if he wanted to fulfill the promise he made to you all those years ago, nestled in the comforting warmth of his living room blanket, then he would have to leave. He would chase his dream, and you would chase yours. And when the two of you eventually find yourself at the top, then the life you’ve always dreamed of would be yours for the taking.

“Sae…” His train of thought breaks from your streaked voice, all messy from the tears that have been sliding down your face. “Can you promise me something?”

He looks at you, curious. “What is it?”

“Promise you won’t give up on our dream?”

You hold your pinky out to him, fragile, but hopeful. You always were. That was something that Sae admired about you the most. No matter how much life tried to tear you down, you always got back up. Sae smiles. A rare, genuine smile that has your heart doing leaps within your chest.

“Isn’t that a given?” Sae says, intertwining his pinky with yours. Warmth blooming between the two of you. “I’ll be the number one striker, and you’ll be the number one figure skater.”

A smile blossoms on your face and you laugh, feeling a lot better about him leaving. Sure, it still hurts, and definitely you would cry yourself to sleep once you return home. But everything would be alright.

Even as you sent him off at the airport a week later, hand holding Rin’s as you waved goodbye, you had hope in your heart. Your promise would remain true. No matter what.

But, as you would come to learn, some promises were meant to be broken. No matter how much you wished the opposite.

Everything collapsed when Sae returned to Japan 4 years later.

You were 17, en route to becoming part of Japan’s national figure skating team. You just had to do well in your next competition. It was already a guarantee that you would make it, but for them to really see the star potential in you, and make you a frontrunner of the team, you had to win.

You had to show the world what you could do, just like what Sae was doing.

In the four years he’s been away in Spain, you had watched over Rin, the two of you watching with heightened enthusiasm every time there would be news of his matches, or how he would score. In your eyes, Sae was living the dream. He was constantly moving, constantly evolving. You could only hope that one day you would be able to keep up. That you could stand by his side at the top.

But there was something off, something you couldn’t quite place. Everytime you would watch him play on screen, it felt as if life was being drained from his eyes. Like the spark was beginning to dim. But it couldn’t be, right?

You had tried to reach out. To ask him how he’s been doing in Spain. It had been going well the first few months he was gone. You were constantly updating each other through text. He would send you pictures of all the new food he experienced for the first time. The wondrous sights that blew your breath away. But as time passed, and he got more involved in soccer, the two of you talked less and less. You had chalked it up to him being serious about making it big. It was common for communication to wane once an athlete got into training. It seemed as if he was locked into an intense training program.

It didn’t bother you that much, because you too had thrown yourself actively into training. You had competed in numerous competitions, challenged yourself with every routine. You were making waves in the figure skating industry. People were always speculating about your career, the potential you had, and the heights you would reach.

But you should have known. You should have seen the signs and acted on them. Of course life would be drained from his eyes. He was a young boy all alone in a new country. A fresh start. A blank slate. But with support and comfort being thousands of miles away. Of course he would suffer and have a hard time.

You were walking home from another grueling training session. Your competition was tomorrow. It was make it or break it. The nerves were getting to you, but you knew that practicing too much wouldn’t do much for your psyche.

What you didn’t expect however was to pass by the soccer field and see Rin playing with Sae. You stopped in your tracks, watching from outside the fence in disbelief. He was really here. Sae had returned home. But there was something different about the way Sae played.

It was still beautiful, stunning even. Sae moved gracefully through the field. But he didn’t set it ablaze. In fact, his play was rather chilling. Terrifying. His playing style had changed. It was calculated, cold. It made you tense up, chills showing all over your body. He was supposed to be playing against Rin, but it seemed as if he was devouring him instead.

You watch in horror as Rin falls to his knees, eyes wide out of terror while Sae remains indifferent. Like he could care less. Your heart drops at the words he told Rin.

An eyesore. A pain-in-the-ass. Worthless.

The dream they shared, shattered.

The Sae you know would have never said that to his little brother. The brother that he cared for so deeply. The brother that he loved. The brother that made him strive to be the best of the best.

Sae had broken Rin down into pieces. It was heartless. The Sae you saw seemed to be void of compassion.

You watched him walk away, luggage in hand, leaving Rin to bask in his defeat under the harshness of the winter snow. You wanted nothing more than to run to Rin, to comfort him and reassure him like you always had. But you had to know. You had to see for yourself.

“Sae!” You call, running after him. He had walked quite a bit from the field where he left Rin. It had taken you a while to catch up, still in shock from what you had witnessed. Sae stops in his tracks. He doesn’t turn to face you so you don’t see how his eyes cloud up. His inner storm brewing at the sound of your voice.

It had been 4 years since he’s seen you. But he’s ashamed. He doesn’t want to meet you when he’s like this. Broken and bruised. He had to be a better version of himself for you. Even if it meant cutting you off like he had to Rin.

“Is everything you said true?” You’re trembling, not from the cold, but from the fear that grips your heart. “Did you really give up on your dream?”

He wasn’t even looking at you. But he could tell you were a wreck. Every fiber in his body was burning, screaming at him to turn around and bring you into his arms. To comfort you and wipe your tears like he always did back then. He clenches his fists in desperation. Knuckles white from how hard he’s trying to hold back.

“It isn’t true right? You were just joking around right?” You continue, his silence weighing heavy on your heart. “You wouldn’t give up on our promise just like that right? Right?”

Desperation seeped out of your voice. Unfiltered. Flowing. You had to know. You held onto that promise like it was your lifeline. It was what kept you going. It was your motivation. Your drive. It was too much to let it crumble and fall apart like this.

“It’s over.”

The silence is deafening. His words rip through you. Sharp. Piercing. You can feel yourself give out, knees falling onto the snow-capped ground. The chill envelops you, coursing through your veins. Your dreams shattered. The future that you had worked towards disappearing in the blink of an eye.

“It was never going to happen,” he continues. His fist is still clenched tightly by his side. The doubts swirl in his mind. The brokenness that he tries desperately to keep inside seeping through the cracks. He, too, never wanted this to happen. When he went to Spain years ago, he had kept that dream alive in his heart.

But he was beaten. Crushed. Brought to the reality that he was unlucky. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he ran to be the number one striker in the world… he wasn’t cut out for it. Spain broke him. But he desperately wanted to prove himself. He still wanted to be the idol that his little brother looked up to, he wanted to be the man that you admired.

If he couldn’t be the best striker, then he would be the best midfielder.

But he couldn’t bring himself to let you and Rin know what he had been through. He was ashamed. He was supposed to be the strong one, the one that succeeded without a shroud of doubt. He was supposed to be the light. The star you looked up to when things got rough. He was a pillar of support. Steady and strong. He couldn’t waver. He couldn’t be weak.

Not when his little brother had worked his way up to be one of the star players in Japan. Not when his best friend, the person he cherished the most next to Rin, was becoming the face of Japanese figure skating.

Sae wouldn’t let himself fall behind. He would work to be the strongest. He would pick these broken shards one by one and work to become a midfielder that the two of you would be proud of. A dream shattered but restored. He would be worthy of standing on the top with you once more.

But he couldn’t let you know. He couldn’t let you see how far he’s fallen. He had gotten so close to the sun that it burned his wings, and he didn’t want you to see how pathetic he had become. His pride and fear fought intensely within him. And ultimately, that desire to be the person he wanted you to see won him over. He would work for his new dream, even if it meant having to throw yours away.

“Liar!” Your voice cuts through his doubt. His eyes widen, not expecting you to react that way. “Sae, you big fat liar!” You screamed, full on sobbing. The sound of your tears hurt him more than he realized.

“I don’t know what happened to you these past four years… but you can’t just throw it away!” You were livid. How dare he? How dare he be your hope only to crush you into utter despair like this? How dare he hurt Rin? How dare he hurt you when you wanted nothing else but to hold him in your arms and tell him how much you missed him all these years. How lonely it was. How much you missed walking home with him, talking about whatever you could think about.

“You can’t just throw me away…” you whisper, fragile, broken. Something in Sae breaks. But he holds on, still firm in the belief that this was the best he could do for the two of you.

Sae isn’t the best at telling people how he feels. 4 years in an environment where he struggled to communicate made him naturally keep his thoughts to himself. He wanted to tell you everything his heart screamed out… but he didn’t know how. The words fell silent on his lips.

“It’s for the best,” is all he says. Voice taut, agitated. Hoping you don’t pick up on the self-afflicted agony he’s making himself go through. But you pick up on it. You always do. You had always been attuned to him. He wasn’t being honest. Maybe he was, but it was half-hearted. Like he didn’t want to believe in his own words.

“You’re better off not clinging to that stupid dream and promise we made, anyway.”

You wonder if he feels the gravity of his words. The way it pierces through your heart and shatters your soul. He’s really doing it. It hit you like cold water. Itoshi Sae was really throwing everything you had built together away.

“Take that back…” you beg. You don’t know what to feel, the strong emotions attacking you left and right making you feel numb. Anger, Sadness, Despair, Heartbreak. It was too much. This was too much.

“I won’t.” Sae’s grip returns to his luggage and despite every fiber in his being screaming at him to turn around. To apologize. To explain what he actually meant. To make things right. Despite all of this, he begins to walk away.

“Goodbye, (Y/N).”

You don’t chase after him. You're stuck, the snow falling around you. A reminder of the cruelty Sae was leaving you with. What were you supposed to do? Chase after him? Start a fight? How can you fight for the dreams you’ve been holding on to, when the other has let go?

If this was what Sae wanted, then maybe you could learn to respect it. It hurt. It stung. You’re confused. But somewhere deep inside you knew. Maybe Sae was putting up a front. Maybe he was going through something that he didn’t want you to know. Maybe, he too, was broken, and didn’t know how to reach out for help. All he knew was to devour, destroy, to push down for the sake of his dreams. But you believed in him.

Maybe one day he would tell you why he gave up on your dream. But for now you watch him walk away with a heavy heart, tears streaming down your face. He destroyed you. And you should have never forgiven him for that.

But this was Sae you were talking about.

Sae who never made you feel left out.

Sae who held your hand through every fear and doubt.

Sae who made you smile so bright, he called you the sun.

Sae who cared for you in his own gentle way. Buying you a whole month’s worth of your favorite snack when you were feeling down, comforting you whenever you cried.

Sae who had broken you beyond repair. Yet even so, you still irrevocably, unashamedly loved him despite it.

Almost a year had passed since that fateful snowy night.

Your relationship with Rin was in shambles ever since Sae broke both of your hearts that day. You hadn’t heard from him since. Rin got colder, meaner, a reflection of the pain that fight with his brother had caused. He had shut you out, spitting his own mean words. Just like his brother, saying things he didn’t mean.

Last you heard he had entered a program called Blue Lock. His parents had told you that it was an intense soccer training program, and that they wouldn’t be able to use their phones in the facility. You let him be. In your heart you knew he was hurting and coping in his own way.

You weren’t in a position to scold him, when you were essentially doing the same thing.

After that day, you had given it your all. This specific win mattered even more now. It wasn’t just to prove that you could stand at the top and be number one. It was a desperation to rise all the way to the top, beside Sae. To be his strength. His comfort. Just as much as he’s been yours.

When he abandoned your dream a year ago, you had decided to keep it. If he was going to give up, then you would carry enough baggage for the both of you to rise to the top. It was clear that whatever he’d suffered through in his 4 years abroad had broken him beyond compare. It hurt that you couldn’t be there for him during that time. But what mattered was now.

What mattered the most was to show him that you loved him. In the way he needed, through every trial, and in a way only you could give.

Who knew it would take heartbreak to realize just how much you loved Itoshi Sae? Maybe it didn’t sink in because loving him was natural. For as much as he comforted you, you also tended to him. It came on instinct. At first, you had believed it to be born out of the long-standing friendship the two of you had. A bond so strong it transcended time and space.

But you’ve come to realize that you had loved Sae all along.

And maybe that was what you needed him to see. That he didn’t need to shut himself out anymore. That you were there, and no matter what his dream was, whether it changed, grew or became something new… you would be there for him every step of the way.

The opportunity had come when you found that Sae would be returning to Japan temporarily to play for the Under 20 national team against Blue Lock. When the news reached you, you knew in your heart that this was something you couldn’t miss. An opportunity that would only come once in a blue moon.

When the fateful day of the match came, you watched from the stands, heart racing, not knowing what would happen. Breath hitching when Rin and Sae came out side by side. On opposing teams, yet the same jersey number. Rin had grown since you last saw him. Gone were his bright doe eyes. He seemed haunted. Body overcome with rage and anger.

Then there was Sae. If it was possible for him to grow even more handsome in the year since your last meeting, then he had. He had an easy presence about him. Like he was merely playing a game. Like this wasn’t a match that would define him. You knew that this was the first time the brothers would play against each other since Sae had crushed Rin’s heart that day.

You had no idea what would happen. You could only hope that everything would turn out alright.

The match amazed you. Blew you away. The two played fiercely on the court. A battle of wits, of heart, and of pride and desperation. In the end, the blue lock team had won. It was an exhilarating match that gave you goosebumps all over. But something wasn’t right. You watch Sae approach Rin, who was uncharacteristically disappointed for someone who had just won a match. You couldn’t decipher what Sae had said, but it had agitated Rin even more, breaking your heart.

You wished the two could just communicate their feelings honestly and clearly. You hated that time and distance had brought the two apart. Brothers who loved each other like they were all they had now as distant as strangers.

You exit the stadium, wondering if you should reach out. You mindlessly walked to wherever your feet were taking you, hovering over your phone. Should you reach out? You didn’t know what to do. How to start. Your heart desperately reached out for him, unsure if he was even there to begin with.

When you looked up, you were at a nearby park. It was a bit later into the evening so there wasn’t anyone around. You could almost see your younger self playing on the swing or drawing in the sand while Sae and Rin played soccer. You had never been to this specific park, but it was almost ridiculous how much nostalgia it had installed into you.

As you head towards the swings, allowing yourself a moment to breathe and think, you didn’t notice Itoshi Sae walking past. The match was over. He had seen what Japan could do if they had the right players. He had fought his little brother, a stronger player than he was a year ago, and he had lost. Yet, it still seemed to him that Rin was still mad. He couldn’t fathom why. Even if it hurt, he had thought he was giving Rin a fresh start.

Having nothing else to do, Sae decided to walk home. To clear his head. Duffel bag strung over his frame, he walked through the night luckily avoiding the prying eyes of the press and fans. His footsteps halt when he spots you, sitting on the swing, staring up at the stars.

It had been a year since he had seen you face to face. Secretly, despite ignoring your attempts to reach out, he had kept up with your competitions. Watching every routine, every jump, every glide across the ice, every win. SAe had kept up with what you were doing.

He had convinced himself that he was only doing so to check in on how you were doing. To see if you were making any progress with your dream. To set a goal for how much he needed to chase to reach your level. But he could never hide the way that he smiled a little brighter at the sight of your proud smile on the podium.

He couldn’t stop himself from replaying each jump, silently celebrating when you landed an axel, or did a particularly difficult jump. There was so much grace and elegance to you whenever you were on the ice. He had known that for the longest time, admired it the most about you. You looked free, like you were glowing.

Sae didn’t know what went through his mind, but he found himself walking straight to you. You were still gazing up at the sky, likely admiring the stars.

“(Y/N),” he calls. Your gaze falls, and you stare straight at him, surprised. His cerulean eyes bore into yours. Till this day they’re still the prettiest eyes you’ve ever seen. You could get lost in them.

“Sae,” you call back, pleasantly surprised but nervous. You were about to text him after a while of contemplating. But, as fate would have it, he had appeared right in front of you.

Sae sets his duffel bag down, and you watch as he takes a seat in the swing beside you. His hands don’t rest on the handles, but rather sit on his lap. He too looks up at the sky, trying to see what you were looking for up in the stars.

“We’re lucky tonight,” you say, gaze staring back at the sky. “You can see Orion all the way there.” You point up, and Sae follows where you point, connecting the stars in his mind.

“He’s one of my favorites. He wanted to defeat every creature on earth to earn the heart of his beloved.” You were starting to smile. “I think it’s very romantic.”

Sae doesn’t know what to say. His mind was swirling with the things he wanted to tell you.

I’m sorry.

I miss you.

I love you.

Words desperately wanting to spill from his lips, but he still couldn’t say them out loud. But it was as if you understood his dilemma. You didn’t rush him. Didn’t bombard or question him for the way he left you a year ago.

“I saw your match earlier,” there’s a solemn fondness in your tone. You begin swaying lightly on the swing you were seated on. “Your team lost.”

There was no condescending tilt to your words. No hostility, no pride. Instead, your words were oddly comforting. As if he could open up to you about anything.

“It doesn’t really matter,” he says, honest but a bit restrained. “It’s not something that will happen again anyway.”

You chuckle, looking down at the ground. “There you go again, saying things you don’t mean.”

Sae finally looks at you, stoic eyes now filled with curiosity. “What do you mean?”

“I know you, Sae.” You can feel the tears begin to well up, but you do your best to hold them in. Wanting to let your feelings show a bit more firmly. “You may not say it out loud, but you tend to bottle things up and handle things yourself. You hide behind your words.”

Despite your best efforts, a tear slips down your face. Sae’s eyes widen, not expecting you to cry. Your tears are like a knife to his chest. A pain he couldn’t quite explain.

“But even knowing this, it still stings.” Your tears are free flowing at this point. There’s a dumb smile on your face, resigned but it had Sae’s heat doing leaps.

“You’re mean, Sae,” Even when you accuse him, even when you’re crying and smiling at the same time, he still thinks that you’re the prettiest he’s ever seen.

Out of instinct, his hand reaches for yours and you let him. It’s nostalgic. He always did this when you were sad and the tears would stream down your face. His comforting hold said more than words could say. You hadn’t felt his touch in so long. It was nice. You didn’t realize you had missed it this much.

“I’m sorry,” It’s a rare moment of vulnerability for Sae, one that he’s not used to. You watch, eyes filled with nothing but warmth. “I’m not really good with words.”

“That’s fine,” you say almost immediately, and the soothing tone you let out was almost enough to quell his fears. “You don’t have to be good with words or be strong all the time when you’re with me, Sae. I’ll still be here.”

Sae finally looks into your eyes. Intently, searching for any sign that you were lying. But there was nothing but truth, sincerity, and love.

“I didn’t want to throw our dream away….” he finally admits. He clenches your hand a bit tighter, nervous. “But I couldn’t live up to it.” There was so much pain in his eyes. Pain that he couldn’t quite explain.

“You don’t have to, Sae…” your free hand goes on top of his this time. This time it’s your turn to run your thumb comfortingly over his knuckles. Sae shivers from the gentleness of your touch. It sets his heart ablaze. “No matter what your dream becomes, it’s okay. Dreams change, people change. That’s part of life. You don’t have to always have it together. You don’t have to lose yourself completely.”

It’s the first time someone’s told him that. The first time someone held his hand in theirs ever so lightly. The first time someone comforted him this warmly. You were the light in his darkness. The warmth to the everlasting cold that he’s been experiencing. You breathed life back into him, when he had been wandering, trying to find himself.

“I’m an idiot.” He laughs, bitter. He can’t believe he let himself hide behind his piercing words. He can’t believe he let himself hurt others because he couldn’t fathom the thought of being weak in front of him. A part of him still hates the thought of being vulnerable in front of others. He was used to being strong, and that strength wasn’t going to disappear anytime soon. But maybe with you he can allow himself to be weak.

You would be there to catch him, anyways.

You nod in response. Giggling, mood a little better. “Sae,” you call, happier, wiping your tears from your face. He hums in response, the feelings circulating through him overwhelming.

“I think I have a new dream.” Sae looks at you curiously, a bit worried. “What is it?”

“It’s you.”

Sae is shocked, at a loss for words. Him? He was your dream? You giggle again at the flabbergasted look on his face.

“Chasing you, doing whatever I can to shine brightly by your side… Supporting you… That has always been my dream.” It was unfair. The way you spoke with the most angelic expression on your face. How your words set his heart ablaze, butterflies in his stomach. It made him want to puke from how overwhelming it was.

“Since we have new dreams now, do you want to make another promise?” You ask, a bit hesitant.

“What kind of promise?” He asks. He doesn’t want to fail you this time.

“A promise that no matter what our dreams are, whether they change, expand, or never come back. We remain each other’s strength.” Your pinky extends to his, bright, scarred, but full of hope

“Promise?”

And that, Sae thinks, is a promise that he can keep this time. His pinky laces with yours, squeezing tight.

“Promise.”

No matter what happened. No matter if you two would fall, break or thrive… You would always be there for each other. Maybe not side by side, but even if distance tries to tear you apart, you would always find a way back to each other.

No matter what happens, the two of you would be alright.

The two of you would be a fine line.

Moments after your heartfelt encounter with Sae, the two of you were walking back to your apartment, Sae insisting on walking you home despite your place being a bit far from the hotel he was staying at.

“You know, you should really apologize to Rin. He was heartbroken by what happened between the two of you last year…”

“Was it really that bad? I thought he was going through a rebellious phase,” he says nonchalantly, hand holding yours.

You hit him on the head playfully. “Was it really that bad my ass. Do you see the way he’s acting right now?” You sigh in disbelief

“Oh forget it. I hope he defeats you again and beats your ass for me, you dummy.”

“Well he can try–”

“–Oh Shut it, Sae!”

#blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #itoshi x reader #itoshi sae x reader #sae x reader #blue lock #blue lock x gender neutral reader #itoshi sae #itoshi sae x you #sae x you

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