#move-in day is tomorrow. my school is even more falling apart than it was when I left but at least we got the nice rooms 🙃

[sophiasharp]

Swiss: *enters the kitchen at 2am for some water*

Dew and Mountain, both hunched over a pack of Kraft singles like it’s an animal carcass:

Swiss: … *slowly walks back into his own room*

[daleyeahson]

Girl On Film | Perv!Eddie Munson x best friend reader

Summary: Eddie tries to catch a sneak peek of what it is his best friend gets up to when he’s not around. He’s thrown for a loop when he finds out that you’re more than happy to play into his little game.

Warnings: 18+ smut// minors go on and get outta here. Male masturbation, mentions of female nudity, hidden camera, cursing, use of y/n just a little bit but mainly pet names, praise and degrading kink. If I missed anything let me know!

Word count: 4.4k

next part

A/n: Also, this is my first time writing a fanfic, let alone something with some smut in it. Let me know what you liked & what I can work on but please be nice about it! Thank you guys for the support and I hope you enjoy this as much as I do! P.s. I made the mistake of typing this on the notes app on my phone and just copying it to here so that’s why the spacing is messed up I’m sorry. I’d retype it all but it’s almost 3am for me so I’m gonna have to pass on fixing it for now lmao my b y’all x

It was Friday and you, Robin, and Nancy had all left to go have a girls night out. It wasn’t very often that the three of you had spare time to hang out all together, so when the girls called you last minute saying to hurry and get ready, you didn’t think much of it. You rushed to get dressed after hanging up the phone, throwing clothes all across your room in hopes of finding your favorite pair of jeans and whatever t-shirt you could get your hands on. Having just enough time to put your hair up in a somewhat cute ponytail and slipping your shoes on, you made your way out the door as Nancy and Robin pulled up to your place. You were so excited to hang with the girls again that you didn’t even give a heads up to your best friend, Eddie Munson.

You and Eddie had been best friends for as long as you could remember. Growing up and living across from one another, you two had always been very close. When you were younger, you both would take turns on having a sleepover at one another’s place, and you still do. Having graduated from high school, you moved out of your parents home and into your very own apartment. Eddie still lived with his uncle Wayne since he was still in school and was now in his third year as a senior. Eddie was super excited when you told him you had gotten the apartment and even joked about coming over all the time to annoy you, as if you didn’t see each other almost 24/7 as is. You had laughed it off thinking he was just joking, but he wasn’t. He came over more often than not, which didn’t bother you a bit since you genuinely enjoyed his company, and eventually you just decided to have him a key made so he could come and go as he pleased.

Which brings us to now, Eddie making his way over to your place just like he does any other day. Even though he knew he’d see you tomorrow for your sleepover, he still wanted to hang out with you and just talk about his day. He loved how you would listen to him talk about whatever it was he needed to say, whether it be about school or the newest thing that’s happening in his Hellfire campaign despite you not understanding a word of what he’s talking about. All throughout your lives you’ve always been there for him for whatever he needed. It was one of the many things he loved about you. Your love and support for him is what slowly made him fall for you and here recently he’s been having trouble keeping you off of his mind. The last few years he’s been able to bury those feelings for his best friend, but with all of this extra time you two have been spending together, he doesn’t know how much longer he can hold out without doing something. He doesn’t want to scare you away or ruin your friendship by confessing his feelings. He doesn’t know if you feel the same way about him and he can’t bare the thought of not having you in his life, even if you remain only best friends. So with that, he does what he thinks is the next best thing and jerks off to you most nights. Is that really the next best thing? No, definitely not. Does he still do it? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Eddie pulls up to your apartment and steps out of his van. He makes his way to your door and reaches for his key to let himself in. It’s quiet, which he finds odd since usually you’d at least have music playing in the background or something.

“Y/N?” He says stepping into the place and closing the door behind him. “Hello? You here?”

He makes his way down the hall to your bedroom only to find it a mess and you not in it. “Huh, that’s weird.” he thinks to himself.

He didn’t expect you to be gone without letting him know first. Not that you have to tell him, but he’s so used to you doing it anyway that it puzzles him that you hadn’t said anything. Maybe you had and he just forgot. With all that’s been going on in his head lately, he wouldn’t be surprised if you did tell him you had plans and he just wasn’t paying attention. He walks further into the room and takes a look around not really knowing what to do. He must’ve just missed you because he notices the candle you always have burning was still melted and had yet to harden back again. He turns to leave and as he does something catches his eye. Right there out in the middle of your floor there it was.. a pair of black lace panties. Eddie instantly blushes when he sees it and can’t help but think about you in them, or the opposite since here they are laying here on the floor. His mind wonders to the thought of you stripping from them while changing before you left. Tossing them off to the side and standing in the same spot he was but nude from at least the waist down. Eddie would give anything, do anything to be able to see you like that. He wanted it so badly. He needed it. He just didn’t know how exactly he would get it though, until it hit him. He has a camcorder somewhere in his van that Wayne gave to him years ago. He’s never had a reason to use it, but this sure was a damn good one.

He runs to the van and opens up the back. Like a mad man, he starts going through all of the junk he has in there. After a minute or so of searching he starts to get frustrated.

“God damn, where the hell is it? Why do I have so much shit in here?” He curses at himself wishing he didn’t keep things so messy. Finally finding it, he picks it up and smirks. “Aha, gotcha.”

He hurries back inside and into your room. Instantly, he starts to look around for a spot to hide the camcorder. After searching for a bit, he notices a shelf where you had some of your old stuffed animals on display. “Perfect.” He says as he makes his way over to it.

It really is the perfect spot for such a thing. From that angle he’s able to see almost your entire room, apart from the doorway. He doesn’t mind though, thinking there’s no way you would change clothes right in the doorway anyhow, so it wasn’t a big deal if he couldn’t see that part. He doesn’t turn it on just yet. He plans on waiting until he’s here during the sleepover so that the next morning he can grab it and leave before you have a chance to notice it.

Once he has the camera hidden, he makes his way out the apartment for the last time. Getting into his van he can’t help but feel guilty. He knows he shouldn’t be doing such a thing, but the growing bulge beneath his zipper says otherwise. There’s no way you’d know about it, right? He made sure you couldn’t see the camera from any part of your room, or at least he thought he did.

He makes his way back home and as soon as he gets inside he makes a beeline to his room to take care of his situation. Just the thought of him possibly having a chance of seeing you like that for real has him making a mess all over himself. Afterwards, he cleans up and decides to go to the living room to watch tv and have a beer or two. He figures he would just try calling you in a few hours to see if you made it home alright and to see where you went.

******

It’s about 10:30 at night before you make it home. The three of you would’ve stayed out later if Robin didn’t have work early in the morning. You make your way inside and take your shoes off at the door. Heading straight for your bedroom, you start to take your hair out of the ponytail. Instantly feeling that sweet sensation of having it down after keeping it pulled up for hours on end. The kind of relief that hurts just a little bit but feels so good at the same time.

You search your drawers to find some pjs to slip into then start to make your way to the bathroom. Just as you’re about to go in there, your phone rings.

“Hello?” You say hesitantly, not expecting anyone to be calling this late.

“Hey, sweetheart, where ya been?”

Eddie. You had forgotten to tell him you were leaving this evening. You felt guilty thinking he must’ve been worried about you not knowing where you went last minute.

“Eddie, I’m so sorry. I meant to tell you but it just slipped my mind. Robin and Nancy called and told me to hurry and get ready so we could have a girls night.”

“There’s no need to be sorry, I promise.” He reassures you. “I’m glad you got to go have fun with them. I know it’s been a while since you last had a girls night. Are you just getting in?”

“Yeah..” you said with a sigh, tired from the night you just had, “I was actually about to get a shower right before you called.”

Eddie has to stop himself from audibly moaning once you said that. He can’t help but think about how if he hadn’t called, you’d be in the shower all hot and steamy. Soap running down your body and between your breasts. Eddie finds himself fumbling over his words like a fool when he tries to speak again.

“Oh- well I-uh - don’t let me keep you waiting.” He chuckles. “I’m sure you’re wanting to hurry and get that over with before you have to go clean up the mess of clothes in your room, right?”

“Oh..” you say feeling slightly embarrassed that he saw the mess you had left in a hurry. “..you saw that?” Usually, you tried to keep things somewhat clean when he came over, not that he would mind because lord knows he shouldn’t be one to judge, you just didn’t want him to see things in such a big mess like that.

“Oh- uh- yeah, I did. I came by to hang out but I must’ve just missed you.” He laughs, “Don’t worry though, I didn’t stay long so whatever you may have laying about in your room, my eyes did not see a thing. Scouts honor.”

You couldn’t help but blush at the suggestive comment he made. The idea of Eddie thinking you’d have anything like that brought a familiar feeling to your core. This wouldn’t be the first time you’ve felt like this because of Eddie or something he’s said. You two were very close so it was only a matter of time before one of you caught feelings for the other. What you didn’t know what that he felt the same way about you, as you did him. Yeah, Eddie would flirt with you but he was always the charming type. He was like that with almost everybody. Sure he called you cute pet names, but you just thought it was because of how close you two were. Just something best friends did, right?

“Eddie, first of all, you weren’t a scout, and second of all, even if I did have anything like that, I sure as hell wouldn’t leave it out in the open for just anybody to see.”

“Just anybody?” He said with pretend jealously, “who else has a key to get into your place?”

“You’re the only one, but with that big mouth of yours I’m sure if you did find something, everyone in this town would know about it by morning.”

Eddie gasp. “You’ve wounded me, princess. Truly, you have. I’m glad you think so highly of me to believe I’d stoop so low as to share such personal information with the common folk of this kingdom.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at how dramatic he can be and decided to play into his little game. “If you live to see the morning light, I shall see you then for our annual weekend festivities, but for now I must say goodbye, Sir Munson, for this ass will not wash itself, unfortunately.”

Eddie let out a loud hearty laugh at that statement. “Alright, I guess I’ll let you go take care of that. Goodnight, Y/n.”

“Goodnight, Eddie, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Morning…Right. He’d be coming back over early in the morning so you guys could fix breakfast together to start the day just like you always did. Eddie couldn’t help but get nervous thinking about how far into the future that was. It was 11pm now and he usually comes by around 9am. Ten hours. Anything could happen in that amount of time. What if you found the camcorder? What would you say? What would you do? Would you never speak to him again? He knew he’d never be able to sleep with those questions floating around his mind. So he laid there in bed, wide awake. Ten hours, he reminded to himself, all he had to do was wait ten hours.

******

Somehow, Eddie managed to get around 4 hours of sleep that night. He was never one to willingly get up this early, especially on the weekend but for you he’d do just about anything. He got out of bed and took a quick shower to help wake him up some more. Throwing on his usually attire, he makes his way out the door and to his van, deciding against a morning coffee knowing you’d fix some once he got there.

Eddie pulled up to your apartment once again and slowly made his way over to the door. Before he could reach for his key, you opened the door and greeted him in a very enthusiastic manner.

“Good morning, sunshine! Are you ready to get this party started?”

“Y/n, please, you know I can’t get excited about the day without coffee first.”

“I swear, sometimes it’s like I’m best friends with someone’s southern grandpa. My own little personal peepaw.” You joked but it only made him send a glare over to you. He really wasn’t a morning person at all. “I’ve already got a fresh pot of coffee waiting for you in the kitchen.”

“You truly are the best…I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He says as he walks by you towards the kitchen to pour himself a cup.

You closed the door and followed behind him making your way to the fridge. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.. so..” you said as you opened it, “what do you want for breakfast? Pancakes? Waffles? We could just have cereal if you want that instead.”

“Could we have French toast again?” Eddie asks walking up towards you, coffee in hand. “I haven’t stopped thinking about it since the last time we had it.”

Your back was to Eddie so you hadn’t realized just how close he had gotten. As you turn to face him so you could answer his question, you accidentally bump into him causing him to spill some of his coffee down your shirt.

“Son of a bitch!” You yelled while trying to hurry and pinch your shirt so the coffee wouldn’t burn you.

“Sweetheart, I- I am so sorry I didn’t mean to-“

“No, no, it’s okay” you put your other hand on his shoulder to try and stop him from panicking, “it was my fault anyway I bumped into you. Don’t worry about it, really, it’s not a big deal. And to answer your question, yes we can have French toast again, but we need to get eggs first.”

“Uh- y-yeah sure. I can run and get them real quick.”

“That’s fine with me. While you go do that, I’ll go get a shower and change out of these clothes.” You said as you headed off to the bathroom.

Suddenly Eddie didn’t feel as bad as he did before about the coffee. It was like the universe itself was helping him with his mission. This was it, his one chance. Once he heard you start the shower, he hurries into your room. Making his way over to the camcorder hidden away, he turns it on and presses the record button. “Jesus H. Christ please let this work” he mutters to himself. With that he leaves to make his way to the grocery store and tries to keep his mind busy, thinking of anything other than what’s happening back at the apartment.

Eddie comes back with the eggs and your morning routine is back on track. You fix breakfast together like always and just spend the day hanging out. You didn’t do much during these sleepovers, but you both still enjoyed the quality time together. By the end of the night, you found yourselves cuddled up on the couch watching a few movies you had on hand. You had fallen asleep on Eddie, your back to his chest. He somehow manages to get out from under you without waking you, and he carries you into your room. Laying you down on the bed, he covers you up with the blanket and makes sure you’re still in a deep sleep before he walks over to the shelf with your stuffed animals. He reaches over and turns the camcorder off and forms a mental note to himself to make sure he’s up before you are so he can somehow sneak it back out to his van. Eddie climbs into the bed to lay next to you. Sharing the bed is something you always did even as children growing up so it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. While in a deep sleep, you turn over to face Eddie and snuggle right up to him. He wishes you two could stay like this forever and not just on Saturdays when you have sleepovers.

*****

The next day you both wake up closer to noon rather than super early like before. Of course Eddie didn’t wake up earlier than you, who does he think he is? He’s thankful that you get up and head to the bathroom and as soon as the door closes, Eddie jumps up to grab his camcorder, practically running to his van and back in hopes of not getting caught. When he comes back in, he jumps at the sight of you standing there across the room from him.

“Whatcha doin’ big boy?” You say standing in the kitchen, sipping on a glass of water.

“I-uh- went for a smoke.”

“With your cigarettes on the table the whole time?”

Shit. Shit shit shit. He was starting to freak out. He had to come up with something quick.

“Not that kind of smoke, princess.”

“Ah, gotcha.” You finished your drink and turned to set the glass in the sink before returning your attention back to Eddie. “So, do you wanna go get something to eat? Lunch at the diner maybe? I’m starving.”

Eddie couldn’t let you in his van knowing what was sitting in the passenger seat. He didn’t have time to hide it in the back again and he knew you’d race and beat him to the van if he agrees to go out.

“Uh, no not this time. I- I actually have to leave.”

“Leave? Why?”

“Wayne needs me. Yeah, uh he’s got this thing he’s been working on and he told me the other day that he would need my help today with it so um, I should get going.”

With a confused look on your face you stare at him suspiciously. The longer you take to say something the more he feels like he’s going to have a heart attack right here in the middle of your apartment. Finally, after what feels like forever to him, you say something.

“Yeah, sure, okay.. um, well I guess I’ll see you around then? Call me tonight, yeah?”

“Yeah, yes, of course I will.”

Eddie leaves your place in a hurry and speeds back home. He can’t believe he just did that. The thrill of it all. He gets home and rushes inside. Going straight to his room and setting up the tape to play, he sits on his bed with his back to the headboard. He was already semi hard on the drive home, just thinking about what was waiting for him on that tape.

After a few minutes, he could hear your bedroom door open on the video. It took you a second to come into the frame but when you did, Eddie thought he had died and went to heaven. There you were, in nothing but a towel, water still dripping from your hair and making its way down your body. He starts to palm himself over his jeans making him hiss at the physical touch he so craved.

“Shit.. oh fuck…”

Things had just started and he was already a whimpering mess. A small wet patch forming on his jeans just from what little bit he saw of you. He couldn’t take it any longer, needing to feel more he took his jeans and boxers off. His cock springing up to his stomach as he groaned, finally feeling some relief. He spit in his hand and started stroking himself, gathering up his precum from the head as he watched you walk around your room looking for new clothes to wear.

Once you found an outfit, you laid it on the bed and began to dry yourself off. Your back was to the camcorder as you removed your towel. Your bare ass was on display for Eddie now and he tries his best not the cum at the sight of it.

“Oh god, baby, fuck you’re so beautiful.”

Every once in a while he catches a glimpse of some side boob but he grows impatient wanting to see more. Speeding up his fist, he becomes a blabbering mess as he tries to find his release.

“Shit, oh my god look at you. Just look at you. You’re so god damn beautiful. Fuck, you’re being so good for me, baby. Letting me see you like this? Sticking that ass out for me? God you’re so fucking good. So, so, good.”

He stops for a second to spit some more on his cock and then resumes the same pace he had before. At this point of the video, you had dried off and discarded your towel, but was still standing there fully nude for him.

Throwing his head back, he started to beg even more. “Oh fuck, princess, I’m getting so close. So fucking close.. please turn around for me baby. Please please please, I need to see you. All of you.”

Eddie knew you couldn’t hear him, but that didn’t stop him from saying it. He looks back up at the screen and suddenly, as if you had actually heard him, you turn your head slightly over your shoulder and he swears you were looking straight into the lens of the camcorder. Before he could process what was happening, you spoke.

“Be patient, Eddie, you’re not the only one who gets to have fun with this.”

Eddie instantly froze, hand not moving but still holding his cock. Did he just hear what he thought he heard? No, there’s no way you actually said that.

You turned around and Eddie let out a moan. Seeing you fully nude, your cunt on display right in front of him. He wanted to cum so bad. He needed to cum.

You start to feel yourself up looking directly at him. He starts to jerk himself off again at the sight of it all.

“Oh, you’re so dirty. Such a filthy little slut for me. I take back what I said about you being good. You are bad, very bad, sweetheart.”

Eddie could feel himself inching closer to his orgasm with every pump of his fist, his breathing gets heavy as he chases his release.

“Fuck, oh fuck, just like that baby, keep playing with those pretty tits of yours. Shit, oh- oh my god I’m gonna cum baby, I’m gonna fucking cum. You gonna let me cum all over those tits, hm? Ohhhh shit.”

Just as he’s about to cum he hears a noise come from the video causing him to pause what he’s doing yet again. The sound of your front door opening and suddenly a voice. His voice.

“Princess? I got the eggs! I’m gonna get started on breakfast, okay?”

You call out to him, “Yeah, okay, I’ll be out in a minute!”

You made your way closer to the camcorder and looked directly into it. At this point Eddie knew for sure he had been caught and wasn’t just imagining things.

“Looks like you just cockblocked yourself.. let’s see if you’ll have the guts to finally make a move in person. If not, I guess we’ll just have to wait until next weekend, yeah?”

You turn to go put your clothes on before quickly turning back. “Oh and by the way, next time you want to sneak and record someone, make sure there isn’t a big red light coming from the camera.” And with that you winked and started getting dressed.

Eddie sat there for a second, mouth hanging open in disbelief before quickly putting a pair of sweats on and grabbing his keys. He’ll be damned if he waits a whole week before making a move now after that stunt you just pulled.

******

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[absolutelyhugh3s]

michigan maize | ee73

ethan edwards x reader!

more loosely based song fics!! this one is tennessee orange by megan moroney

thank you guys so so much for all the love and support on forever and ever!!! y’all seriously don’t understand how much it means to me!! i love every single one of you <33

word count: 1.13k (not my gif!)

“hi munchkin! how are you doing?” my mothers honey-like voice filled my ears as she answered my call.

oh god, i'm really doing this.

“hi mama” i smiled even though she couldn’t see me “im good”

“i've got some news” i said nervously, clenching the comforter of my bed in my fist.

“oh honey is everything alright?” her slight chicago accent peaking through.

“dont worry im doing okay, just please dont tell dad?” i pleaded with my mother.

“y/n did something happen?” she asked worriedly.

“yes mama. he’ll blow a fuse if he found out” my father wasn’t big on me going to the umich. being the coach of msu hockey, he wanted me to go there.

but when i received an amazing scholarship to play lacrosse, i had to take it.

the first thing he told me when i left for school was “don't run off with any of those hockey boys y/n, they are very bad news.”

well, he’s clearly never met ethan.

“i know you raised me to know right from wrong, but god he makes it so hard” i chuckle “he?” my mother questions.

“i met somebody mama, hes brunette, and he's got these big brown eyes, and he opens the door for me everywhere i go!” 

ethan and y/n go on small date’s every wednesday night. its an awkward time for some, but for them, its the only time in their busy schedules that they can be together.

today, their date night was dressing up super fancy (as barbie and ken of course) seeing the barbie movie, and eating at a small diner a few blocks from the movie theater.

ethan had planned out the entire thing and the couple had a blast. once ethan had driven her back to her on campus apartment, she thanked the older boy, kissed him goodbye and began to exit the car.

“WAIT” ethan yelled. he jumped up out of the drivers seat, exiting the car and running around to open his girlfriend’s car door. “ok now you can go” he smiled

the small action made the girl melt like a snowman in summer. the defenseman than sprinted to the main door of her apartment complex, opening that for her as well.

“m’lady” he held out a hand as y/n walked through the door a blushing mess. he than took her hand in his, interlocking their fingers, leading her up to her apartment.

though the action was so little, it made her fall in love with him more and more every day.

“he just makes me so happy! hes like perfectly perfect! god! i've never felt this way mama!” i ramble.

“hun” my mother chuckles. “whats his name?” i then realize i left out the most important part “ethan! ethan edwards! mama you would love him” i smiled.

“but back home id be sinning” the smile fades slightly from my face. “why is that dear?” it seems as though she could hear what was going though my mind.

“mama, hes got me wearing maize and blue for him” i sarcastically laughed. 

“you should come to my game tomorrow” ethan said, running his hands through the ends of the y/h/c girls hair.

“the boys would love to see you, plus i get to have my own little good luck charm in the stands” the boy smiled like a small child at the girl laying on his chest.

“really?” she looked up at the brown haired boy with big doe eyes. “yes really” he grinned.

“here” he moved the smaller girl off of his chest to stand up from his bed.

he rummages through his closet, looking for a specific item of clothing.

suddenly a large yellow piece of fabric is thrown at her “you can even wear my jersey” he smiles.

the girl holds it up a large ‘edwards 73’ stares at her. “you know what e? i think i will”

“oh hes an athlete?” my mom says, surprised.

“yeah hekindasortamaybeplayshockey” i rush out, nervous of what my mother would say.

“im gonna need you to slow down y/n/n” she chuckles

“he plays hockey mama. he had me wearing his jersey at a msu game! of course i want the spartans to win but still! his smile! oh his smile! it makes me forget i look better in green!” i gush about my boyfriend.

“so thats why you didnt want your father to know” my mom teases, clearly finding enjoyment in this entire situation.

“oh please forgive me mama, i like him a lot” i beg “oh i think its a lot more than like sweetheart” my mom says. “what?”

“oh honey you are head over heels for ethan” she laughs “i've known for ten minutes and i can tell” 

“oh god im in love with a wolverine!” i exclaim.

“babygirl its ok! the worlds not gonna end! growing up in chicago i said i would never date a red wings fan, guess what? i married one!” she laughs.

“so you’re not mad?” i asked hesitantly.

“of course not y/n! its my job as your mother to always be supportive of you” i could tell she was smiling though the phone.

i talked with my mother for a while longer about random stuff for about another half hour. “mama i have to go, ethan should be here in a few minutes” i say.

“alright sweetie, invite him home would ya?” my mother asks. “of course mama, i love you” “i love you too sweet girl, bye bye”

i clean things up for about ten minutes when i hear a knock at my apartment door.

“you can come in e!” i shout. “ok!” he shouts back before walking in.

i put the last few dishes in the cabinet when i feel two muscular arms snake around my waist and a face bury into the crook of my neck.

“hi baby” he mumbles, tightening his hold on my waist.

“hi e” i giggled. “guess what i did today” i added.

“hmm climbed mount everest?” “nope” “slayed a dragon?” “nope” “killed someone?” “god no!”

“i told my mom about us” i smiled. ethans parents have known for a few weeks now about us, but he didnt wanna push me to tell mine. he wanted me to be comfortable with doing it myself.

ethan spins me around, his hands steading my hips. “you did?” he smiles.

“i did” i mirror his smile. the much larger boy then pulls me into the tightest hug possible.

“im so proud of you baby” he says, kissing the crown of my head.

“i have a question though” i place my chin on his sternum so im looking up at ethan. “whats up love?”

“what are you doing for spring break?”

[traveler-at-heart]

What we were

Summary: After losing Clint, your marriage and family begins to fall apart. Will Natasha be able to go back to what you once were?

A/N: This is going to be four chapters, but most of it is written. It’s a mix of angst, hurt and comfort. Obvious warning, there’s a major character death. Natasha and R have a daughter.

Time was unforgiving.

It had been six months since you lost Clint. Two since you asked Natasha to move out.

Four hours of sleep was the most you could get each night. 

Time heals everything, people say.

Then, how come, the more time passed, the worse you felt?

Thoughts like these invade your mind, even when doing the most mundane of tasks. Like now, when you’re waiting for your daughter’s school day to be over. Leaning over your black Mercedes, you wish that your injured leg could be less of a bother and instead of driving, you could walk to pick up Anya and get distracted by the sights of the city.

The school bell rings and the quiet classrooms are full of murmurs, books stored away and steps walking -some rushing eagerly- to the exit.

Impossible to miss, Anya’s red waves are the first thing you spot. Raising a hand, she says goodbye to her friends and walks your way. 

“Hi, darling” you sigh against her head. 

She’s getting taller and maybe next year she won’t let you hug her. Maybe she’ll even want to take the bus while you anxiously wait for her return home. But now, she’s still a sweet child and she still lets you run your hands through her hair. 

“How was Debate Club?” it’s the first thing you ask, because she’d been preparing relentlessly to beat the other team. 

“We won, obviously”

“We should celebrate” a voice joins the conversation. You’re so startled that you drop the car keys.

“Mom!” Anya says, wrapping her arms around Natasha.

It makes you happy that she’s not resentful even after everything that happened. That she can love so unconditionally.

She didn’t get that from you.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt” Natasha apologizes, finally looking at you. There’s a weak smile on your face, what else can you do? “I was thinking we could go shopping for that new game you wanted?”

“Can we please, Momma?” Anya turns to you.

“Sure. Have fun. But don’t spoil your appetite. We’re having lasagna” 

“Mom, our favorite” Anya nudges the Russian and you look away.

“I’ll have her home by 6” Natasha saves you the embarrassment of being forced to invite her.

“Have fun” you wave goodbye, heart beating fast.

Breaking the speed limit, you rush home. But the tears start running long before you’re parked.

You look at your sad reflection in the rearview mirror.

Natasha looks better than the last time you saw each other.

Maybe all she needed was to be away from you, to be happy again.

--

Two glasses of wine later, you’re curled up on the sofa watching your favorite comfort show and feeling better. 

“What’s up, Buck?” you answer at the second ring of your phone. 

“Are you ok?”

You look at the half empty glass of wine and decide that no, you’re most definitely not ok.

“Sure, why you ask?”

“I just saw her driving with Anya” 

“Mhm” you look at the clock. 5:55 PM. She’s trying to be a responsible parent, at least. “Yeah, she showed up at school today. It’s good that they spent time together”

“Want me to come over?”

“No, I don’t want you two fighting in my front yard. Thanks, though”

“I’ll stop by tomorrow, ok? And if you feel like it, we can go to that Broadway show on Saturday. I got us tickets”

“Thanks, Buck” 

“Ok, she’s parking outside now”

“You followed them all the way here?” you jump out of the couch, looking out the window.

“What? I was worried!” 

“Sometimes I think it’s not so great that you live a few blocks away, you weirdo”

“But then I bring coffee and scones and you change your mind” 

“Yeap”

“See ya, doll”

“Bye, creep”

“Oh, come on!”

You let out a laugh at his protest. Wanda and Yelena have been texting you, so you scroll, smiling at the silly pictures of Fanny or the videos of Tommy and Billy doing their crazy science experiments. 

“Hi, Ma” Anya rushes past you. “Gonna change for dinner”

“Mmkay” you nod, texting Bucky to make sure he’s actually back home, and not slashing Natasha’s tires. 

“So…” 

“Nat, jeez” you drop the phone, not even aware that she is still here. She looks at you across the kitchen island. 

Don’t think how sad it is that she looks out of place here, where it used to be home.

Don’t cry in front of her.

Don’t.

“Sorry, I’ll say goodbye and leave” 

“Anya, your mom’s leaving” you busy yourself in the kitchen, looking away.

“So soon?” the girl peeks around, pouting. “We haven’t even played the game yet”

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” you give up, unable to say no to your daughter. 

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m always making extra anyways”

Because you were used to cooking dinner for three. 

Anya is happy to set the table, but you sit next to your daughter, leaving Natasha in front of her. You try to stay focused on Anya and school: the debate club, sports activities, a month in Europe for the best students. 

“Mom, do you think I can reach out to aunt Carol? I have some Astronomy questions”

Natasha immediately looks at you, but you’re hyper focused on the bottle of wine and pouring the last of it until your glass is filled to the rim.

“Uh, she’s not... I’m not sure where Danvers is, sweetheart. She left Earth a while back” 

“Oh, ok” the girl nods, looking at you with a frown. “Mom, what’s wrong? Is your leg hurting? What did Doctor Cho say?”

Crap.

“What’s wrong, det…?” Natasha asks, looking at you. The pet name almost rolled off her tongue.

Everything. Everything is wrong, Natasha. 

“That old injury from our outlaw days. Doctor Cho gave me some pain killers. But I don’t think I’ll take them, they make me too sleepy”

“We’ll do the dishes” Natasha jumps in. “Don’t worry about it” 

“Thanks”

The dishes are the least of your worries, but it’s still a nice gesture.

Maybe when she’s finally ready to ask you to divorce her, you’ll be able to coparent. 

“Here, let me” she asks as you approach with the empty glass of wine. “Did Doctor Cho say anything else?”

You sigh, leaning against the counter, watching as she washes the dishes.

“She said surgery might make the pain go away. Actually, there’s a 90% chance it will work. But Anya’s got school and I’d have to do bed rest for at least five weeks. Maybe during winter break” 

“I can take care of her. Drive her to school or cook dinner or…”

“You’re a terrible cook” you remind her. It’s meant to be a joke, but also a way to make her stop.

You don’t want to be a burden for someone who doesn’t want you anymore.

“Wanda could teach me” 

“She’s too busy making sure the twins aren’t building a nuclear weapon in the garage” 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” she asks, almost afraid of your answer.

“Can you take her to school tomorrow?” you finally say, without providing further details.

The truth is, you’ll probably cry until you fall asleep, because you miss Natasha and this is the first time you’ve seen her in two months. 

And it would be better if you could sleep in, make an appointment with your therapist and then find a way to look composed by the time you have to pick your daughter from school. 

“Absolutely” 

“Thank you” 

“You don’t have to thank me, Y/N” 

The way she says your name makes you want to scream. 

--

Natasha’s long gone, Anya sleeping peacefully back in her room.

You’re looking at the ceiling, tears rolling down your face and soaking your pillow.

You miss her so damn much. You love her so much.

And you also hate her. And you hate yourself for loving her.

There’s a soft knock at your door. You know it’s not Anya because she would have turned on the hallway light.

“Hey, weirdo” you look at Bucky from across the room, smiling sadly. He approaches you and wraps you in his arms. You sob against his chest, feeling like the sadness will last forever.

“I’m sorry”

“It’s ok. Let it all out. I’m here”

You don’t know when you fall asleep.

--

A lot has changed in such a short time, but by now, Anya is used to the sight of her uncle Bucky, rotating between the few breakfast foods he can make without burning everything.

“You read my mind” Anya watches as he makes blueberry pancakes.

“Has no one ever told you it’s rude to sneak up on people?” he mumbles, impressed at how silent she was.

“No, because my moms are spies and so is my uncle and my other aunt and basically half my family”

“Smart ass,” he chuckles. “Come on, eat your food before it gets cold”

“Did mom eat anything yet?” Anya sits on a stool, eating on the kitchen counter.

“Your mom’s asleep” Bucky says. In fact, you cried, had a panic attack, a couple of nightmares, woke up to drink some water and then fell asleep at 4 AM. 

Basically, the usual for the past two months.

He’s so caught in his thoughts that he forgets to flip the last pancake. A knock on the front door snaps him back to reality.

“Can you turn off the stove? And pack your bag, we’re leaving in five…” Bucky yells over, opening the door without looking through the peephole first. He’s surprised to find Natasha on the other side “Can I help you?”

“I’m here to pick up my daughter” 

“Does Y/N know?” He's holding on to the door so hard that the wood cracks.

“She asked me to drive Anya to school”

“Ok, I’m ready” Anya announces, aware that her mother and uncle aren’t on the best terms. She walks between them to make sure they won’t punch each other. “Bye, uncle, thanks for breakfast” 

“Have a good day, sweetheart. See you Saturday”

“Right, for that musical, Beaglejuice”

“Shut up” he chuckles, kissing her forehead. Anya leans forward and hugs him goodbye.

Natasha is silent for most of the ride. Anya is looking out the window, uncertain of her mother’s mood. Maybe not saying anything is safer.

Three blocks away from school and Natasha hears herself blurting out what’s been on her mind this whole time.

“Does Barnes stay over a lot?”

“I guess” Anya mutters, still looking out the window.

“Well, do you know…”

The girl has enough, turning around to face her mother. There’s nothing but resentment in her eyes as she tells Natasha everything.

“Mom cries herself to sleep every night. Ever since you moved out, it's been hard for her to get up in the morning and act normal, let alone cook breakfast. So yeah, uncle Bucky is around all the time, just to make sure she’s at the very least alive. You’d know if you still cared about us” 

“Anya…”

“I’ll walk the rest of the way, thanks for the ride” she mumbles, opening the door and rushing away. Natasha is stuck in traffic, so all she can do is watch her daughter from the car.

Just when she was starting to make things right, she fucks up again.

--

“Thanks for breakfast” you say, mouth full of pancakes.

“More like lunch” Bucky corrects.

You nod, reaching for the maple syrup. 

“So, why’d you ask Natasha to drive Anya to school?” 

“Is that why my door is almost broken in half?” 

“I’ll fix it”

“You better” you mumble. He is still staring and you shrug your shoulders. “Just experimenting how co-parenting is gonna be when we officially divorce”

“So, you are asking her to divorce you?” 

“She’s gonna ask me. Sooner or later” you keep your head down, playing with your food. You’re not hungry anymore.

“All things considered, the ball is in your court”

“Buck” you plead, dropping the fork.

“I’m just saying” he approaches your side. “You’ll only be able to heal once you know what you both want. But running away won’t help”

“You sound like my therapist”

“But does she cook you breakfast?”

“For what she’s charging me, she should, actually” both of you laugh. And damn it, you know he’s right. “Thank you, for worrying about me. And for taking care of us these past few months. I’m sorry I’m such a mess”

As if on cue, tears start streaming down your face. Bucky hugs you, kissing your head.

“It’s ok”

“I know you hate it when people cry, I’m sorry” 

“Yeah, but I hate it a little bit more when you’re the one crying”

--

Luckily for your therapist, you’re all cried out by the time you reach her office. Instead, you discuss how it would be better to approach Natasha, who has always struggled with communication around difficult topics.

“I’m very happy with this session. We’ve made great progress” Doctor Thompson says and you put your fist forward.

“Fist bump” you encourage her.

“I’ll get my license taken away if we ever do this again” 

For the first time in months, you leave her office feeling a little bit lighter. 

Until you check your phone. 10 missed calls from Natasha.

“Nat?” you answer as she calls again.

“Is Anya with you?”

“I was about to pick her up from school” there’s a pause. “You did drive her to school, right?”

“Of course, I’m not an idiot” she shoots back.

“Well, I’m very confused because she’s only about to end her last class. Why would she be anywhere else, then?” you retort.

“Just meet me back home, ok?” she pleads.

“Fine”

She’s pacing on the sidewalk as you park.

“Care to explain?”

“The school called me an hour ago. She sneaked out after recess” 

“Let’s just track her phone” 

“It’s off”

“Well, fuck” you run your hand through your hair. “Did she say anything to you this morning? Did she seem upset?”

Natasha looks away, chewing on her bottom lip.

“I asked her if Barnes was staying over often”

“Natasha, for fuck’s sake” you sigh, turning away from her. 

Don’t shout. You won’t solve anything by screaming at Natasha.

Your daughter is missing because your wife can’t keep her jealousy to herself. So fuck it.

“If you want to know anything, you ask me, Natasha, do you understand? You don’t go questioning our 13 year old daughter, who, by the way, has been through enough shit lately. I’m trying to protect her and you’re here implying I’m sleeping with the only friend who isn’t tired of me being a mess. Which, for the record, I’m not. And would never. Unlike you, I’m not going around fucking people outside my marriage because I’m having a hard time”

“I don’t know how to get close to you, Y/N. You pushed me out ever since…”

“No! You don’t get to put this on me. I tried for months. I tried everything. And you scoffed and ignored and stood me up. I gave up the moment I found you in bed with Carol” 

Your voice breaks at the last part. That memory has been buried for so long; you want it to stay hidden, forever. 

It doesn’t matter. You need to find Anya.

“What are you doing?”

“Calling Buck” 

“I’m here. I’ll help you find her” 

“I’ll find my daughter alone, thank you” you walk past her, waiting impatiently for your friend to pick up.

“She’s my daughter too”

“You sure as hell haven’t acted like her mother in a long time, Natalia” 

You walk away, your back turned to her. 

“Buck” you say, voice trembling.

“I know. She’s at the Met. Hasn’t left. I’m outside, just in case”

“How did you…?” 

“I’m sorry. I was hoping I could convince her to come back before you found out she sneaked out of class”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can” 

--

Again, those soft waves of red are the first thing you spot in the room. Her blue eyes are fixed on Degas and his Dance Class.

“Hey, kiddo” you stand next to her, understanding immediately why she’s looking at this painting. “We still have your ballerina shoes somewhere in a box. Your mom loved going to your recitals” 

“I’m sorry for leaving school” 

“I played hooky a couple of times. It’s part of life. I just want to make sure you’re ok” 

“She doesn’t care if you’re able to get up in the morning but gets jealous because someone is taking care of us” 

You sigh. Anya has Natasha’s heart, after all. She loves and protects fiercely.

“That’s not exactly true. Come with me” your daughter takes your hand as you leave the museum. 

Central Park is still looking beautiful, even as fall approaches. Anya plops down on a bench and you take a seat next to her. A small groan leaves your lips. This damn leg.

“You know your mother was raised to be an assassin. The Red Room taught her that love was a weakness. And that she was incapable of having a family or people that cared about her. Even after all these years, insecurity can get the best of Nat sometimes”

“Why can’t we just… go back to what we used to be?” she mumbles, a tear rolling down her face.

“Oh, sweetheart” you hold her against your chest. “I want nothing more in this world” 

“I miss her”

“Me too, Anya”

“It’s like we lost her the day uncle Clint died” she sobs.

“But she’s still here. And she still needs you, my sweet girl. I’m not saying you should forgive her right this second. But don’t build a wall around yourself, please”

“Ok” 

“You know I lost my mom when I was 15. And a lot of that time I spent it angry at her for staying with a man that wasn’t good to us. But once she was gone, all I wished was that I had made her life a little easier”

“I’m sorry” 

“It’s ok. I’m glad I’m here, to make sure you don’t make the same mistake I did. We’re gonna be alright, I promise” 

“I love you”

“Love you too, kiddo” you keep her in your arms for as long as you can, but a light rain begins to fall. “Come on, now. Bucky’s been waiting for us”

“I know. I saw him following me on the bus here”

“My God, I don’t know which one of you is scarier” 

Anya giggles, and you take her hand. 

Even between all of this mess, she’s the one thing that makes everything worth it. 

--

Anya was the one that texted her mother, apologizing and letting her know she was ok.

You didn’t reply to Natasha’s text. “I’m sorry” isn’t enough sometimes.

After pizza and an intense game of Jenga with Anya and Bucky, you call it a night.

You know what you’ll dream of tonight, but you’re too tired to care.

[watchmegetobsessed]

CHILDISH

A/N: this turned out less halloween-y than i planned, but i think its still cute hehe

WORD COUNT: 1.5k

SUMMARY: It was supposed to be a perfect, cozy fall weekend. Right until you doubt whether you're the perfect fit for your older, successful boyfriend.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

There’s a pep in your steps as you walk out of the elevator on the top floor of Harry’s office building, carrying the lunch you made him and you’re dropping off for him now. You’re excited for tonight and this weekend, because it’s gonna be the perfect fall weekend. You’re having a cozy movie night tonight, watching Nightmare Before Christmas and Coco while eating caramel apples and popcorn, drinking hot chocolate and tomorrow you’re going to the pumpkin patch to pick out pumpkins that you’ll carve later in the afternoon. It’s literally what every girl dreams of at the end of October and Harry is a partner in all of it even though you would have never guessed he’s the kind of man to do these things when you first met him years ago.

You know your way around the office well by now so when the two assistants sitting behind their desk spot you, none of them question who you are.

“Mr. Styles is in a meeting,” Riley says as you approach them.

“I know. I’m just dropping this off for him. Can you give it to him when he’s done? I made him lunch,” you smile bashfully as you set the bag with the containers in it onto the desk. You even put a cute little sticky note on top.

Can’t wait for tonight, hurry home to me! Bone appetite! Love you! Xx

You love the pun and you know Harry will too.

“Of course,” Riley nods with a smile.

“Alright. Thank you, have a nice day,” you smile back as you turn around and head back towards the elevator. You sink your hands into the deep pockets of your wool coat and wind the candy you showed in there, wanting to give it to Harry too, so you start walking back to the assistant, but before you could turn the corner you hear them talking.

“I know! This is so silly,” Riley laughs.

“Silly? More like ridiculous. Her boyfriend is the CEO and she is bringing him lunch with sticky notes,” the other assistant, Tina snorts.

“I never understood how he could date a woman like her. No, not even woman, she is a girl.”

“Have you seen her in that oversized jumper?”

“The rainbow colored one?”

“Yes! It’s hideous! I wouldn’t even dress my toddler in it. Harry is a billionaire, I don’t know how he puts up with her childishness.”

You chew on your bottom lip so harshly, it almost starts bleeding. Their words hurt and turning around you rush back to the elevator so you can leave as fast as possible.

It sends you down a spiral. Are you really that childish? You always knew Harry and you come from different worlds, but you thought they clash perfectly. He is a CEO, insanely successful, lives in a penthouse and is thirty-six years old while you just turned twenty-six. You were an art teacher until you switched, so now you design book covers, but you still teach a few classes in a private school, because you like the kids so much. You lived in a one bedroom apartment before moving in with Harry, which was the size of the bedroom you now share with him. You don’t wear designer clothes, you love thrift shopping and you tend to DIY anything and everything.

As you arrive back home, walking into the penthouse you take a look around. You still remember how it looked when you moved in two years ago, very clean and modern, like the cover of an architecture magazine. But now you see your own touch everywhere.

Colorful candles spattered on every possible surface, chunky blankets covering the grey couch along with a bunch of pillows, you’ve put up fall decoration here and there, making the place cozier and more like home instead of leaving it so sterile. Harry never said he finds your things childish, not even your extreme amount of funky mugs or your plants, all in different pots or random art you hung at every possible empty spot in the place. They are far from his taste, but these little things make the penthouse homey.

Or at least they did until now.

As you look around you only see how childish and ridiculous all this stuff looks in the expensive penthouse that was once Harry’s modern home. What if he hates all of them? If he finds them hideous, but he just doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

He is a decade older than you, a serious businessman and you’re making him watch Coco tonight and you have plans to go to a pumpkin patch tomorrow. How could you think these were the things he wanted to do?

“Your girlfriend dropped this off for you, Sir.” Riley places the bag on Harry’s desk when he returns into his office and he would have known it was from you even if she didn’t tell him. It’s in that bag with the polka dots all over that you love to use so much. It brings a smile to his lips and then he finds the sticky note. His smile grows from ear to ear.

“Thank you. I’ll be leaving early tonight, I have plans. You guys can leave around three too, if you want,” he tells her to which she nods before striding out of the room.

He can’t wait to spend the evening with you, curled up on the couch, watching the movies you chose. There’s nothing he would rather be doing on a Friday evening.

Wanting to get home as soon as possible, he really does leave early, texting you on his way home. You usually text him right back with a bunch of emojis, but this time you just send a simple okay and it concerns him. Something happened. He knows it.

“Babe! I’m home!” he calls out upon walking into the penthouse, looking for you and he notices that something is off right away.

Most of the candles are gone. And there’s only one blanket left on the couch. The pillows? Gone too.

“Y/N?” he calls out again and that’s when you walk out of the bedroom, dressed in a simple black dress. It looks great on you, but he knows you wouldn’t wear it, not at least without a fun jacket or mismatched jewelry.

“Hey!” you attempt to smile at him as you kiss him on the lips shortly.

“You’re so dressed up,” he hums.

“Yeah, um… I thought that maybe we could ditch the movie night and go out for dinner. I reserved a table at that sushi restaurant you like.”

“You want to ditch movie night? But I thought… what about Coco? It’s your favorite!”

“I’ve seen it a million times already,” you shrug. “And for tomorrow, maybe we could go to the spa and—“

“Alright, wait, slow down,” he cuts you off. “Sushi instead of movie night? Spa instead of pumpkin patch? What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” you play innocent, but he can see right through you.

“Don’t lie to me. Something surely happened and I don’t like what it did to you. You’re not… you’re not yourself. And where are the candles and blankets?”

“Y-You noticed them? I was just… I cleaned up a bit…”

“No, you didn’t clean, you put away most of your stuff, it almost looks like it was before.”

“Because…! They didn’t belong here, it’s better this way. Don’t you think?” you sigh, moving away from him to keep yourself together, but he pulls you back and taking your chin between his thumb and index finger, he makes you look at him.

“Baby, talk to me. What happened?” Your lips wobble as you shake your head, but you know he won’t leave you alone until you tell him. “Tell me what happened, I don’t like seeing you sad,” he softly pleads.

“I’m childish,” you say in a whisper.

“What?”

“I’m… ridiculous and childish. You should… You should be dating someone more mature.”

“Where is this all coming from?” he asks in disbelief. You’re hesitant to answer, but you can’t hold it back any longer.

“I dropped your lunch off today and I heard the assistants talk about me. They said that I’m childish and basically we’re not compatible. And… Maybe they are right.”

“No, they are not!” he answers straight away.

“Have you looked around? I moved in and brought all this… random stuff and messed up your modern and expensive home.”

“No, you made it into our home. I loved every little thing you brought with you!”

“You did?”

“Of course! This place didn’t even feel like home until you moved in. You brought so much light and joy, I love the blankets and pillows, all the candles and anything that reminds me of you.”

You open your mouth to say something, but no words come out. You’re in awe and most importantly, in love.

“And they make the place homey, but you make it my home. You’re my home, Y/N.”

“I’m gonna cry,” you announce as the first tears roll down your cheeks. Harry just chuckles and kisses your forehead before pulling your head to his chest.

“Let’s find those blankets and candles, change into some comfortable clothes and get a head start on that movie night, hm?”

“Okay,” you nod after a hiccup. Taking your face in his hands he wipes your cheeks before kissing you softly on the lips.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[renecdote]

I and love and you

Set post In Another Life so y'know. Spoilers ahead.

[Read on AO3]

The first SOS text comes two days after Buck is released from the hospital: help they’re driving me crazy. Eddie squints at it, waiting for more, and when it doesn’t come, he skips replying and hits call.

“Hey,” Buck answers, and he’s trying so hard to sound upbeat, but Eddie knows him well enough to hear the cracks.

“Hey,” he echoes, and it comes out softer than he means it to. “Your parents?”

The snick of a door closing—the balcony, Eddie guesses—and the scrape of a chair before Buck says, “Ugh. My parents.”

Eddie pours himself a fresh cup of coffee, then pulls out his own chair, making himself comfortable at the kitchen table while they talk.

“It was nice,” Buck adds, before Eddie can prompt him. “At first, I mean. They were… concerned, I guess. I mean, I know they were.”

Eddie hums. He thinks this is the part where he’s supposed to say, “of course they were concerned, they’re your parents,” but he doesn’t. They both know he wouldn’t really mean it.

“Buying me a couch is one thing,” Buck goes on, and Eddie gets halfway to wait, what— but he’s already moving on. “But I woke up this morning and mom was rearranging my closet? She said she wanted the clothes to be easier for me to reach, but it’s a closet, Eddie, isn’t the whole point that the clothes are already in reach?”

It’s too easy to picture Buck when he has just woken up, bleary eyed and fluffy haired, squinting against the morning sunlight because he always forgets to close the blinds. Probably pillow creases on his face too, whatever hoodie he wore to bed twisted up around him, one sock lost somewhere down the end of the bed. That little scrunch between his eyebrows that Eddie used to imagine reaching across the pillow to smooth away in those long months of quarantine. That he still imagines smoothing away some mornings, when he gets up and finds Buck still asleep on the couch because he didn’t want to drive home the night before.

“Rearranging your closet does seem a little overkill,” he agrees, probably a beat too late.

“It’s not just that,” Buck complains. “It’s everything. My meds, the food I eat—even when I got up to go to the bathroom earlier, they both tried to help me, like I can’t walk across my own apartment without collapsing or something.”

It’s too easy to picture that too: Buck collapsing. Buck not breathing. Buck’s heart not beating. Eddie swallows, then swallows again, holding his coffee mug tight against a rush of cold that makes him shiver.

“Why don’t I come pick you up?” he offers, and he doesn’t care if it’s selfish. “I’m sure Chris would love to see you when he gets home from school.”

There’s a smile breaking through the tiredness in Buck’s voice when he asks, “Just Chris?”

They used to joke like this. Eddie knows what his line is supposed to be, knows how he’s supposed to carry the joke, but that was before. Before Buck got struck by lightning, before his heart stopped beating, before Eddie cried over his hospital bed while Chris begged him to wake up.

“I’d love to see you too,” he says, and it feels like too much truth and not enough at the same time. It’s I and love and you, but they’re not fit together the way he wants them to be. The way he means them but can’t bring himself to say.

He wonders if Buck hears it anyway, with the way his voice catches before he replies, “I’d love to see you too.”

They stood on top of the fire engine together once, braced against wind and speed as they tried to catch a man hanging from a plane. Eddie still remembers the way the adrenaline tasted, the way they grinned at each other, the way he knew that Buck would catch him if he fell. He could fall now, he thinks, and Buck would catch him. Buck will always catch him.

But not today. Probably not tomorrow either. They still have time.

Eddie stands and pours his mostly untouched coffee down the sink.

“I can be there in twenty,” he says. “You can tell your parents you’ve got a better offer for the afternoon.”

Buck laughs, then groans. “Ouch. Don’t make me laugh.”

“It’s not my fault you think I’m funny,” Eddie answers, and it’s easier this time, to joke the way they always have. To hear Buck breathing on the other end of the line and take his own breath to match.

“I never said you were funny,” Buck protests, but he’s still smiling. Grinning, probably.

Eddie takes a second to close his eyes and picture it—Buck grinning, Buck breathing, Buck alive—then he grabs his keys and heads for the door.

He doesn’t hang up.

Buck doesn’t hang up either, even when he gets too tired to talk.

For the twenty minutes across town, Eddie listens to the sound of his best friend breathing, and the muted sounds of LA traffic in the background, and something else. Something that might be the sound of the wind whistling four stories up, or might be nothing at all.

“I’m here,” he says when he is pulling into a parking spot.

And Buck says, “okay, see you in a minute,” but he still doesn’t hang up the phone until Eddie is knocking on the apartment door. He’s pretty sure that doesn’t mean nothing. He’s pretty sure that, if he asked, it might mean everything.

(I and love and you, fit together in all the ways he wants them to be.)

But not today. Probably not tomorrow either.

They still have time.

[daechwitatamic]

I. Your Wild-Running Heart || KNJ

(banner by @/itaeewon)

Title: My Feet to Follow, and My Heart to Hold (Masterpost)

Rating: NSFW - minors dni

Genre: college!au, roomie!au, angst, s2l, the absolute slowest of burns

Pairing: Namjoon x female reader, unrequited Taehyung x reader

Beta'd by @/kookstempo, @/casuallyimagining, and @/toikiii - thank you endlessly!

Summary: You know a lot about the many types of love thanks to Kim Taehyung. You love him as the only person you see as “family”, you love him as your very best friend, and you love him as the beautiful, funny man he’s become. But when a twist of fate during your senior year has you rooming with his good friend Kim Namjoon, you just might find that you have plenty left to learn about love. 

Lesson One: there are such things as a right way and a wrong way to love and to be loved.

//

When your roommate bails last-second and leaves you completely in a bind for the new school year, your best friend Taehyung mentions that his friend Namjoon needs a place off-campus, too.

Section Warnings: language

WC: 7k

The world is mine: blue hill, still silver lake, Broad field, bright flower, and the long white road A gateless garden, and an open path: My feet to follow, and my heart to hold. - Journey | Edna St. Vincent Millay

Friday August 28 

“Please, no,” you beg. “Please tell me this is a joke. I can’t live with a man. Do you know what men are like?”

Taehyung, quite a specimen of man last time you checked, cocks an eyebrow at you. “Y/N,” he says flatly. “You’re doing it again.”

It meaning being dramatic, and you resent that implication.

You whine, shuffling your feet unhappily. “But Tae,” you say - okay, you whine. “If my roommate is a guy, then I have to wear a bra in the apartment, like, all the time.”

“Oh my god,” he says, throwing his hands in the air, completely over you. “Do you want my help or not? What are your other options right now?”

How nice of him to ask. 

You’d been so excited to lease an apartment off-campus for your final year of university, even more excited to share it with a girl in your writing program named Penny. You hadn’t thought twice about putting the lease in only your own name, but when Penny texted you - the audacity of her to not even call - to say she wasn’t going to return in the fall after all, you were stuck with the responsibility.

So, since Taehyung asked, your options are this: pay the entire rent by yourself (impossible), or find a roommate, fast. 

“Namjoon’s a really good friend of mine,” Taehyung tries again. “I am personally vouching for him that he’s not a weirdo or a creep. His building flooded and he’s in a bind - just like you. He’s nice, he’s smart, and he’s normal.”

“What about clean?” you prod. 

Taehyung shrugs. “Cleaner than me.”

You sigh. You know Taehyung is right - you need someone quickly, and at this rate you’re bound to only find creeps. At least this guy - even though he’s a guy, which is your main issue - has been vetted.

“You’re not very clean,” you tell your best friend.

He grins at you, guilty as charged. 

“Could we talk first?” you suggest, nerves churning. “Like, can I meet him?”

Taehyung narrows his eyes at you. “Did you think I was going to drop the key off at his place and say ‘okay, have fun!’?”

“Maybe!” you cry, feeling a little hysterical. 

Taehyung rolls his eyes at you. “Want me to see if he can swing by the place tomorrow?”

The plan for the next day was originally for you two to load up your car through the morning, grab lunch somewhere, and then start moving your stuff into the apartment after you ate. 

“Yeah,” you answered. “That actually sounds like a good plan. Then he can see the apartment, too. And you’ll be there with me.”

“Actually a good plan,” Taehyung parrots with a scoff. “Please.”

After your lunch date, Taehyung drops you back home so you can finish packing. You’d packed a lot already - all of your big pieces of furniture were there already, your bedroom now just a mess of random piles of clothing and your bare mattress on the ground. A lot of what you still had were things you knew you’d need to use again during the days you were starting to pack - toiletries, electronics, that kind of thing. With a sigh, you turn on some music and start pulling hangers out of your closet. 

You think about your situation as you work. You’re disappointed about Penny - you’ve lost a roommate and a good friend, somehow. You’re nervous about meeting Taehyung’s friend Namjoon. You’re somehow both excited for and dreading the academic year starting - your final year, complete with a senior thesis course you’ll have to pass in June. And you’re excited for the apartment - your first one that isn’t an on-campus dorm. 

No campus security knocking on the doors, no RA going through your fridge for forbidden liquor bottles, no shared hallway bathrooms. With your own bedroom in the apartment, you’re guaranteed a space that is just yours, a sanctuary where you can have the quiet you crave and aesthetic you want, your own four walls that are completely your own. 

Taehyung’s apartment, which he shares with two friends, isn’t far from your new one - walking distance, actually. He’d offered you his couch there when Penny first bailed. But even if you took his offer, you’d be charged for breaking your lease, and you’d still have to find something more permanent - which would mean another security deposit, not to mention rent. As long as you kept the optimism that you’d successfully secure and keep a roommate, staying was the cheaper option.

You won’t talk about how you wish Taehyung would offer more than his couch.

You won’t talk about how when he’d said, “You know, you could stay with me,” in that deep, comforting voice of his, your heart had run wild. 

Then he’d continued, “That couch isn’t too bad to sleep on, I’ve done it before. And the guys wouldn’t mind. Then you’d have time to find something new, maybe something you can afford alone?”

And your wild-running heart had stuttered, stumbled, caught its footing, stood still. 

You can’t even get mad at him. He’s trying to help. It’s not his fault - at all - that he doesn’t know that your imagination leapt off a cliff at his words, was already picturing snuggling in his bed, those strong arms tight around your middle, was already picturing waking up to his sleepy smile. 

You don’t pretend for even a second that it’s anyone’s fault but your own. 

--

Around ten pm your Aunt Lin comes and knocks on your open door, looking down at the scene before her: you, sitting cross-legged on your bedroom floor, surrounded by half-closed boxes, miscellaneous items strewn around the floor around you, clothing piled up like mountains around you.

“You don’t look very ready,” she remarks.

“That’s helpful, thank you,” you say. 

Lin has raised you ever since you lost your grandmother, who had taken care of you before that. Your grandmother and Lin are the only parental figures you can really remember, but Lin’s technically only ten years your senior and has always felt more like a big sister than a mother. You can’t fault her for it; she was still quite young when she took over raising you. She certainly didn’t have to take you in, but she had, and she’d done her best. 

Lin chuckles. “Why isn’t Taehyung here helping?”

You roll your eyes. “He’s my friend, not my servant. He’s helping me move all this in tomorrow, that’s plenty.”

Lin shrugs, already disinterested. “Okay,” she says lightly. “Well, I wanted to say good luck with the move, and good luck with school this year. Let me know if you need anything.”

You look up from your packing and take in her appearance. She’s in scrubs, a huge thermos of coffee in her hand. She’s got work tonight, then, and won’t be here in the morning when Taehyung picks you up. You should have figured. 

“Thanks,” you say. 

She shifts, looking down the hall instead of at you, suddenly. Lin’s not great with emotions; it’s where you get it from.

“Okay,” she says. “I’ll see you for winter break? If not before?”

“Yeah,” you say. “Yeah. Definitely by then.”

She nods, tells you goodbye, and heads down the hallway. You hear the front door close, and you’re alone with your boxes. That’s about as mushy as it gets with Lin.

[11:44 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: what time tmrw?

[11:45 PM] You: you drive the car, you tell me

[11:51 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: 10?

[11:54 PM] You: you think that’s enough time to pack up the car and drive there before lunch?

[11:58 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: 🙄 this is why i asked YOU what time

[12:01 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: 😤

[12:02 AM] You: 9:30 

[12:03 AM] You: and bring me iced coffee 🤗 plsssss???

[12:06 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[12:08 AM] You: love u tete

[12:11 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: yeah yeah love you too 

You press the top of your phone into your forehead, closing your eyes. Letting yourself pretend, for just a second, that he could mean it the way you do.

Saturday August 29

Taehyung shows up in the morning - at ten, not nine-thirty, but he has an iced coffee for you in his car, so you let him live. 

It takes you over an hour to load up the car, the boxes and suitcases and garbage bags squished together, shoved impossibly tight, the world’s most desperate game of tetris. Taehyung declares it impossible no less than five times, bemoaning that he’ll have to make the hour drive a second time in order to fit all of your shit. 

In the end, you make it happen. It just takes a little determination. 

The drive to your university is around an hour, depending on traffic. You and Taehyung both don big, goofy aviators and blast music as you sail down the highway, the backseat loaded floor to ceiling. The car is so stuffed, you even have boxes between your feet and on your lap. 

The sun shines brightly down on you as you and Taehyung sing and groove your way through the drive, and you feel… so content, so sure that this is right, that you’re meant to be next to him, like this, forever. Like everything in the universe just clicked together to give you the perfect snapshot of how things are meant to be. 

What if you said it? What if you told him? 

Sometimes, moments like now, you just can’t fathom how he doesn’t feel it too. 

But you know better. You know he doesn’t - doesn’t want to. Something deep inside you tells you to tread carefully with this best friend of yours. Something instinctual tells you that the dysfunctional friendship you’ve crafted together is a Jenga tower and if you so much as nudge the wrong brick, it’s all coming down. 

You eat lunch at a table out in front of a cafe, people watching and basking in the sunlight. It’s the last, trickling days of August, but today’s breezy and cooler. It’ll warm up again before fall comes in full force, you’re sure, but you appreciate the reprieve from the scorching heat, since you’re about to spend several hours hauling boxes up a stairwell.

After lunch, Taehyung drives to your new neighborhood and finds a street-parking spot close to the front entrance of the tall, brick building.

“Okay,” he says. “Now the fun part.”

You giggle. “Have I told you yet that I appreciate you?”

“Elaborate, please,” he says, which is so typical for him. He looks over at you, sunglasses low on his nose.

You roll your eyes, but you’re smiling. “I appreciate you helping me move in. I appreciate you driving me. I appreciate the afternoon you’re about to spend carrying boxes and shit.”

“You’re forgetting something,” he tells you sagely.

You want to whack him in the belly for being so obnoxious, but you can’t risk him dumping all your stuff on the sidewalk and fucking off to let you deal with the stairs on your own. 

“I appreciate you finding me a roommate so I don’t have to sleep on your couch,” you add.

“There we go.” Satisfied, he unbuckles, and you both get out and examine the backseat for whichever Tetris piece seems like it could be removed easiest. Arms full of boxes, you make your way up the steps to the little lobby that houses a wall of mail slots, and then up a second set of stairs to your second-floor apartment.

You set down the box you were carrying and dig out the key, opening the door to your new home.

You really do love this apartment. Through the open space - past the kitchen and through the living room - sunlight streams in through the large front windows that overlook the city block below. You can already see in your mind where you’ll put plants on low tables, or hanging from the ceiling.

You had done the big stuff days ago, with both Lin and Taehyung’s help; Lin had rented a little moving van and you’d loaded up the big furniture. From Lin’s house, you’d taken your bedframe and boxspring, leaving just the mattress in your old bedroom at Lin’s house. You’d also loaded up your low dresser, a nightstand, and two bookshelves. You’d gotten a few pieces from a local repurposing store - a desk to work at and a little swiveling chair to go with it. Your final splurge was an expensive mattress; the one in the store had felt like damn clouds. It was set to be delivered sometime this afternoon. 

You’re already looking forward to going to sleep later.

You and Taehyung try to just put boxes where they’re meant to go. Two boxes end up in your bathroom, another two in the kitchen. You split the books between your bedroom and the living room, where a lone bookshelf is the only current piece of furniture. You heave bags of clothes and linens into your closet, determined to deal with them later. 

The mattress delivery goes smoothly, the truck arriving as you and Taehyung are about halfway done unloading the car. You leave the building’s front door and your apartment door propped open and both teams do their thing: the delivery guys carrying the mattress up the steps, you and Taehyung behind them with garbage bags full of your clothes or boxes of books. 

“You,” Taehyung pants, “have way too much stuff.”

You grin sheepishly, as in the other room your new mattress is removed from its plastic wrap and placed atop your awaiting boxspring. You’re itching to dig out your linens and make the bed; that’s always what makes a room feel ready to you, even back when you were just setting up a little dorm. Once the bed was made, everything else slowly fell into place. 

Once the delivery truck rolls away, you throw yourself bodily onto the mattress, letting out a series of happy groans as you let the pillowy goodness envelop you. 

“Taehyung,” you call tantalizingly. “Come feel it.”

You hear him drop a box in the living room with an audible oof - it must have been more books - and then he comes into your new bedroom and flops sideways across the bed next to you, the mattress jumping and settling again under his weight.

“Wow,” he says, rolling on his back and then turning to look at you, his legs bending to touch the floor. “This is nice. Let’s trade, I’ll bring mine over.”

“Nope,” you say, smiling. “I bought this one with my hard-earned summer money. It’s just for me.”

“Yeah,” he says, voice wry, “for you and your guests.”

Now you do whack him in the belly. He grunts, hands covering the spot, then lays still again.

“That wasn’t nice,” he comments mildly. “No hitting.”

“What guests?” you pout. “I haven’t had a guest since–”

“Ah, spare me the Great Drought of 2022 story,” he begs. He sits up, reaching into his pocket. As his hand retracts, you realize his phone is buzzing with an incoming call.

“Bro,” he says as a greeting, and then listens. “Yeah, we’re here now. That’s fine. Sounds good. Okay.”

He taps to hang up and looks at you. “Namjoon is almost here. That’s fine, right?”

“I was right here,” you huff. “Yes, it’s fine, but you literally could have asked me.”

Taehyung ignores you. “There’s one more box. I’ll go get it, and then I’ll stay while you meet with Joon, and then I’m gonna go, okay?”

“Oh,” you say, heart sinking a little bit. You’d kind of hoped he’d stick around, just hang out and goof off while you unpacked boxes and organized your stuff. “Sure.”

He reads you like a book; he always does.

“Don’t pout,” he says, and there’s something apologetic in his tone. “I just have to do some stuff today. And I really need to shower, this got me all sweaty.”

Well, you don’t need that mental image. Luckily, you’re saved from yourself by a knock at the front door. This strikes you as so polite, because not only is Namjoon going to literally live here, but also because the door is still propped wide open.

You sit up, fixing your hair from where you laid on it. Taehyung has already made his way through the living room and is giving a one-handed bro-hug to the guy at the door. You make your way over, heart thumping. 

You notice a few things right away. He’s tall - taller than Taehyung, and you don’t see that often. His eyes are absolutely striking - there’s sharpness to them, something that makes you want to see the world how he does, something that makes you want to keep looking, something that makes you curious about how he’d see you. 

When he smiles, each cheek dimples, the perfect size for the pad of your index finger. He’s all in browns except for a pair of light-wash jeans. He’s got a dark brown beanie tugged low on his head, and even his thin, wire-frame glasses seem to be chosen for the vibe above all else.

“Hi,” you say, sounding a little shy even to your own ears. Taehyung moves out of the way and you reach to shake Namjoon’s hand. “I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you. Taehyung promised me you’re normal.”

The guy lets out one big laugh, surprised. “He told me the same,” he says conspiratorially, “but really, that’s such a subjective thing.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, and you step back to let Namjoon in, preparing to show him around. 

“Kitchen and living room are here,” you say unnecessarily, since he can see for himself. “Your bedroom would be on this side.” You push open the door and Namjoon sticks his head in. The room is completely bare, the empty closet door standing open. 

“You get your own bathroom,” Taehyung points out. Namjoon nods appreciatively, still looking silently back and forth across the room that would be his as soon as you pass him a key.

“Is it okay?” you ask, suddenly feeling nervous. If this guy backs out, you’ll be back at square one, and now with less time to solve the problem.

“Oh,” he says, as if remembering he should communicate. “Yeah! It’s great.” He turns and peers at the living room, which is empty but for your lone bookshelf and several boxes of books, unopened.

“I have some stuff we can put here, if you want?” he asks, his tone a little uncertain. “Specifically, I have a couch and coffee table, plus a TV and a console to put it on. It should all fit.”

“That would be great,” you say enthusiastically. “I was already stressing out about saving up enough for a couch.”

He nods easily, looking around the room thoughtfully. Taehyung has wandered over to the large windows and is looking up at the tree that stands right outside, the branches waving lightly in the afternoon breeze. With the sunlight coming in, he looks like a painting. 

“I have a rug, too,” Namjoon muses. “Would you be interested in that?”

“Definitely,” you tell him, tearing your eyes away from Taehyung’s back. There’s something knowing in Namjoon’s face as he watches you, and you flush, feeling weirdly caught.

“Okay,” he says, “I’ll bring it. What about kitchen stuff?”

“I don’t have a ton,” you admit, pointing to the two boxes - not very big ones - that you’ve left on the kitchen counter. “If you’ve got more, that’s probably good. I don’t cook that often, to be honest. I’m not very good at it.”

Namjoon smiles at you, leaning over a little like he’s letting you in on a secret. “I can barely boil water,” he admits. “So you’re all good.”

You stand together as you discuss how you’ll be splitting the monthly costs for the utilities, not to mention the high-speed wifi that’s getting set up in two days. That leaves you to work out the rent, what day it’s due and how you want to handle paying it. In the end, you decide that he’ll electronically pay you, and you’ll pay the landlord, since it’s your name on the lease. He pays you right there on the spot, and you pass him the key that was meant for Penny.

“Is it okay if I start moving my things tomorrow?” he asks you.

You shrug. “This place is yours now, too,” you say easily. “You can honestly do what you want.”

“Okay,” he says. “I’ll probably start in the morning then?”

“I can’t promise I’ll be up,” you laugh, “but don’t let that stop you!”

“Should we…” he pauses, adjusts his glasses. “Should we exchange numbers?”

Taehyung makes a face you know well; it’s the face he makes when he wants to laugh or make fun of something, and he’s doing the Good Person Thing by keeping the thought to himself, but he wants to make sure you know by his face that he is holding it in. He wants credit for doing the Good Person Thing.

You honestly hate him sometimes. It’s the only thing keeping you from tipping straight into insanity. Sometimes, I really hate Taehyung. 

“Yes, we probably should,” you say, because someone in this room needs to act like they aren’t twelve years old, and it’s not going to be Kim Taehyung, apparently.

You do, and then Namjoon tells you both goodbye, making his way back out to the hallway and down the steps. You can hear his footsteps fall away into nothing. 

Taehyung looks at you, smiles angelically. “See?” he says. “I told you he was nice.”

He reaches for his keys on your kitchen counter. You frown, detecting his imminent departure. 

“Will you come over tomorrow?” you ask, a little pitifully. 

He considers this, and nods. “For dinner?” he suggests. 

“Yeah,” you say. “We still won’t have wifi yet. We’ll be bored.”

“Only boring people get bored,” Taehyung says sagely, holding up one finger like a wizened philosopher. Then he comes to hug you goodbye, pulling you into a sweet embrace. You want to live there, in the spot between his arms. 

Once he’s gone, you look around your new home. Alone, you decide to put on music and start tackling boxes. You start in the bathroom, finding towels so you’ll be able to shower in the morning, unpacking all your toiletries, setting up your toothbrush just so. You do the kitchen second; the sun sets outside as you find places for your battered pots and pans. 

You stop for dinner, getting take-out from a place nearby that delivers. Then you dive back in, setting up your bedroom. It feels cozy already, once the bed is made and you’ve plugged in your little lamps. Calmer, you start folding clothes to put into dresser drawers. At one point you wander out of your room to get some water and you freeze in your bedroom doorway, struck by how lonely it feels. 

The rest of the apartment is lit only by the yellow glow coming from your bedroom, plus the thin, white light that filters in from the streetlight below the living room windows. You hurry into the kitchen and turn on the light over the sink, which vanishes some of the bad feeling for you. You pour your glass of water and lean heavily on the counter, looking out at your empty living room, and the dark doorway of Namjoon’s untouched room. You wish Taehyung had come back over, or that some of your university friends had moved back into the area sooner.

You rinse your glass and head back into your room, ready to distract yourself with more unpacking until you’re tired enough to sleep.

Sunday August 30

Bumps and crashes wake you in the morning. It takes you a few minutes to figure out where you are - ah, the cloud bed, in your new room. The morning sunlight is strong; apparently the windows on the front of the apartment face the east. You make a mental note to shop for some good blackout curtains, and check your phone. Not much waiting for you - Lin texted around 1 am asking if you got settled okay, probably while she was on a quick break. You answer her, check your socials, and then lay back, just looking around. 

You got a lot done yesterday, but you still have more unpacking to do. It also occurs to you that not only is there no coffee waiting for you in the kitchen, there’s no food of any kind in the whole place, unless you count your container of leftover takeout from last night. 

You shower and get dressed, figuring it's best to stay out of the way - you can hear the grunts and huffs and loud bumps that indicate Namjoon’s got some friends helping him move things in. But eventually, the growling in your stomach and your body’s clamoring for caffeine send you out into the living room.

The low entertainment center is in place across the room from you, a flatscreen tv situated on top. There are now two stools tucked beneath the breakfast bar in the kitchen, and a pretty, wooden coffee table sits in the center of the living room.

There’s a guy on the floor surrounded by furniture pieces, a screwdriver, and a packet of instructions in his hands. You can hear a lot of shouting, bumping, and cursing floating in from the stairwell down the hall. 

“Hey,” the guy on the floor says. “You’re Y/N? I’m Namjoon’s friend, Yoongi.”

“Hi,” you say, a little bewildered. “What are you… building?”

He sighs, squinting at the paper in his hand. “It’s supposed to be a bookshelf. Eventually.”

You’re about to respond to this when the noise from outside the open door gets infinitely louder. You see Namjoon’s expansive back as he shuffles backwards through the doorway, one end of a faded, grey couch in his hands. 

“Okay, you have to turn,” he coaches whoever is on the other side.

The couch makes it through the door, and you’re surprised to see that you know the other person carrying the couch. He’s one of Taehyung’s best friends, and you’ve hung out together as a group plenty of times over the last three years.

“JayKay!” you call happily. “Welcome to my house!”

He laughs, nose scrunching with delight. “Y/N,” he crows. “Where should I put the couch?”

“Across from the tv,” Namjoon answers for you, sounding a little breathless. They shuffle through the room, and you notice for the first time that they’ve already put the rug in place, covering most of the warped, wooden floor of the living room. The couch settles over top of it, and Namjoon slides the coffee table to a more centered position.

One more guy comes through your doorway, carrying a nightstand and a lamp. He’s got quite possibly the widest shoulders you’ve ever seen. He disappears into Namjoon’s bedroom, and you hear the quiet thump as he sets the nightstand down in there.

“Wow,” you say. “You’ve got a whole moving crew.”

“Notice who’s not here helping,” Jungkook grumbles.

You smile to yourself. If you know him at all, you’ll guess Taehyung isn’t even out of bed yet. 

“In his defense,” you say, and Jungkook snorts, as if it’s so typical that you’d defend Taehyung, which… it might be, “he did a lot for me yesterday. We had his car packed with my stuff.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jungkook mutters and turns to - presumably - get more stuff from downstairs.

“You have a lot left?” you ask Namjoon, who seems to be catching his breath for a minute, perched on the arm of the couch. “I’d offer to help, but I was just about to go get groceries - there’s very literally no food here.”

“We’re about done with the heavier stuff,” he says, looking at the open door, like he’ll find an inventory there that he can reference. “But still plenty of assembling left.”

“Hooray,” Yoongi deadpans from the floor, holding the instruction packet up in the air like a different angle will help him decipher the directions.

You find your little foldable cart and make your way to the grocery store a few blocks away. By the time you’re done scouring the aisles, you’ve loaded the cart to the top and still have to carry some of the bags. But at least now you’ll have food to eat, things to drink besides tap water. 

Getting up the stairs with your groceries sucks, but you make it, panting like crazy as you finally unlock the front door and let yourself in.

You’re greeted with silence; it’s clear the guys are all gone. The living room looks completely different than twenty-four hours ago. The couch and table look great, and it seems like Yoongi’s bookshelf is mostly complete - it’s upright, just missing a few shelves near the top. You set the groceries down in the kitchen next to three unopened boxes - it seems like Namjoon’s gameplan was the same as yours yesterday: get the boxes into the appropriate rooms, do the rest later. 

You peek into his bedroom - he’s left the door all the way open, which feels nice, like he trusts you, and you make a mental note that you should probably do the same. You notice that it looks like the furniture is all in place there, too. It doesn’t differ much from yours, actually. The bedframe is put together, the boxspring and mattress leaning against the far wall. He’s also got a tall chest of drawers, a wicker hamper, and in the corner, a desk. Namjoon’s furniture is a lot more modern looking than yours, sleek and matching. You bet he didn’t get half of his from the thrift store. 

You put the groceries away and make yourself a small lunch, eating it on the couch in the quiet of the apartment. You’ve got about twenty-four hours to go until there’s wifi and you can stream shows when you’re home alone. You’re just cleaning up your lunch when you hear a key in the lock, and then the cacophony of boys’ voices as they reenter the apartment. 

“-far superior, I’m telling you,” Jungkook is saying emphatically. The smell of greasy burgers and fries hits you in the kitchen along with the sound of his voice.

“I hear what you’re saying, and I respect your opinion,” a flat voice responds that you think might belong to Yoongi. “It’s just that you’re wrong.”

“Hey,” Namjoon says, noticing you standing in the kitchen. The guys pass through, heading into the living room, Jungkook already digging in the bag. They surround the coffee table, handing out burgers and fries, filling the room with delicious smells and noisy chatter.

You take this opportunity to head back into your room, sitting on your bedroom floor and opening one of your boxes of books, starting to put them on the small shelf beneath your window. You pop in your airpods and turn on music, losing yourself in the monotonous movement of digging out a new book, then turning to place it on the shelf. Rinse, and repeat.

When you finish, you move into your closet. You put your little wire shoe rack back together and locate your box of shoes, lining them up neatly. Then, you tackle another garbage bag full of clothes that go on hangers, flapping each shirt or dress to relieve it of wrinkles before hanging it up. After that, you find a box of miscellaneous dresser items - jewelry boxes, perfume bottles, headbands - and put those where you want them, too.

By the time you decide you need to sit down and take a break, it’s nearly evening, the light outside reaching that golden hour. You really do love the natural lighting in this place. 

You take out your airpods and set them to charge, listening carefully. You’ve had your bedroom door open this whole time, but the guys had left you alone and you’d minded your own business. Now, the apartment is filled with silence again. They must be gone.

You text Taehyung for the first time that day, which strikes you as weird. He must have been busy today, too. It’s odd for you two to make it until almost dinner without speaking.

“Dinner?” you text, and then wander out into the living room. 

“Hey,” a voice says from near the floor, and you practically leap out of your skin. You startle so violently that your phone slips from your hands and clatters to the floor.

“Holy crap,” you breathe when you realize Namjoon is sitting on the floor next to his newly assembled bookshelf, an open box of books before him. He seems to be sorting them into piles before putting any on the shelf.

“Sorry,” he says, eyes wide. “I didn’t mean to--”

“No, you’re fine,” you assure him. “I’m just… a jumpy person. You’ll get used to it.”

You watch him sort books for a minute, then eye your own empty bookshelf, your boxes still closed on the ground next to it. You decide if it’s Bookshelf Hours, you might as well, right? You set your phone on the coffee table and settle in, opening your first box and starting to place books on the bottommost shelf.

“So,” you say, because it feels weird to be sitting four feet from your new roommate and not speaking, “Taehyung said you’re a grad student at the university?”

Namjoon nods wordlessly, eyes on the books he’s sorting. “Yep,” he says finally. “And you’re a senior?”

“Mhm,” you confirm. 

After that scintillating conversation, you both lapse into silence as you work. You continue like that for some time - long enough to reach the middle shelf - before you realize you hear your phone buzzing on the table. You stretch to reach for it, missing how Namjoon glances sideways at you, at how an inch of your stomach is revealed as you lean over. 

“Hi,” you say, pressing the phone to your ear.

“Took you long enough to answer,” Taehyung gripes.

“Sorry,” you say. “We were putting books away.”

Taehyung’s silence is just one beat too long. “We, huh?”

You laugh, once. “I mean? That’s what each of us is doing? So? Yeah?” From his spot a few feet away, Namjoon glances over his shoulder, frowning slightly.

“Anyway,” you say, “dinner? Do you want to come over?” 

“Yes,” he says decisively. “Order us something and I’ll head over?”

“Sure,” you say, already hanging up. You don’t need to ask what he wants; no matter where you order from, you know what he likes. 

“Do you want to order with us?” you ask Namjoon mildly as you scroll through the local delivery app. “I was thinking pizza.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says slowly, like he was deep in thought and has to process what you’d said to him. “That would be nice. Thanks.”

The place you’d order from back when you lived in the dorms is actually closer to this apartment than campus, which is the most beautiful, serendipitous thing that’s ever happened in your life. You place the order for delivery and continue putting your books away. Once all the books are on shelves, you’re essentially done - finally, after two days - unpacking. 

This gives you exactly one whole day to relax before you have to start going to classes again.

Taehyung arrives before the pizza, knocking on the door in a silly rhythm. You pound back on your side of the door, echoing his rhythm, before opening it, greeting him with a big smile. You’d missed him; of course you had.

“Wow,” he says, genuinely impressed, as he peers around you. “It looks so much different in here.”

“Right?” you ask, filled with joy. Taehyung pokes his head into the kitchen, which is arguably the least “ready” room, as aside from putting your things into drawers and cupboards, neither you nor Namjoon had really done much to it. No hand-towels hanging by the sink, no magnets on the fridge, even the counters were empty, save for the two sets of keys resting there. Taehyung adds his own to the key pile and moves into the living room, which is much more impressive.

“Hey, man,” Namjoon says from the floor. It seems like he’s done sorting his books into piles and has started actually putting them on shelves now. “Looks good, right?”

“It does,” Taehyung answers from the doorway of Namjoon’s room, where he's peeking nosily. “The guys helped you?”

“Everyone except you and Jimin,” Namjoon says innocently. 

Taehyung smiles guiltily. “I helped Y/N the entire day before, just the two of us,” he argues. “And what about Hobi? He’s on--”

“--on vacation with his parents,” Namjoon finishes agreeably, “so he’s off the hook. Where was Jimin?”

“Where do you think Jimin was?” Taehyung scoffs, reaching down and touching the rug absently.

“Sleeping,” you and Namjoon say at the same time, both of your voices wry. You smile at him, and he looks away. 

The pizza arrives and you all sit around the coffee table to eat. Conversation flows better with Taehyung in the mix; he talks so much, it almost doesn’t matter if anyone else does. 

“I was thinking of making a list of things we need for the apartment that wouldn’t necessarily belong to either of us - cleaning supplies, stuff like that,” Namjoon says to you. “I thought I could buy it and we could split the cost?”

“Buy the cheap stuff,” Taehyung advises. “Y/N’s summer money is gonna go fast, especially the way she orders out instead of cooking.”

“Thank you, Taehyung,” you say flatly, shooting him a look. “I start work in like two days. I can handle it.”

After the pizza’s done, Namjoon goes back to working on his bookshelf, obviously wanting to clear the floorspace of his book piles sooner rather than later. You and Taehyung sprawl across the couch opposite each other, his feet resting near your elbow, both of you on your phones. 

You stay like that until nearly midnight, talking occasionally but mostly just happily coexisting in your own little bubbles. At some point, Namjoon finishes the bookshelf and wanders into his bedroom, pausing to look at you two on the couch before disappearing. He pushes his door almost shut, leaving it open a few inches. You hear the subtle sounds of music playing from behind the door, but not loud enough to discern what it is. 

Taehyung hugs you before leaving, and you snuggle into the embrace, body exhausted from the moving process. He rests his chin on top of your head, swaying you around a little bit. 

“Thanks for helping me,” you murmur into his chest. Sometimes the only time you can get Taehyung to be serious for a conversation is when you’re like this; in each other’s arms, your walls come down - in his case, deflecting with humor and sarcasm, brushing off everything like it’s a big joke. In yours, saying what you really mean, and not a more delicate version of it.

“You’re welcome,” he answers, squeezing you a little. “I’m glad everything worked out. It really does look good in here. And I think you guys will get along.” 

Once he leaves, you deadbolt the front door and head to the kitchen to wash the plates and cups you’d used for pizza. Behind you, you hear the squeak of door hinges, and Namjoon pads into the kitchen behind you. He pauses, scanning the cupboards.

“I don’t remember which one I put my cups in,” he laughs a little, and then starts opening each one until he finds what he needs. Once he has a glass, he rummages in the fridge, taking out a juice carton and filling his glass about halfway. You finish washing the last plate and turn the water off, rummaging through a drawer for a dish towel to dry everything.  

“So…” Namjoon says between sips of juice. “You two are pretty close, huh?”

“Yeah,” you say, shrugging easily. “He’s my best friend.”

Namjoon hums, nods, purses his lips thoughtfully. If you knew him better, you’d push - ask him what that face means, or why he’d asked in the first place. 

But, you don’t need to. You know already. You’re used to being interrogated by others about your relationship with Taehyung. Sometimes people are trying to see if you’re a threat in their quest to worm their way into Taehyung’s heart (or pants) - and in your own weird way, you kind of are, at least for the former. 

Taehyung definitely sleeps around, but he’s surprisingly tight-lipped with you about it. You’re not sure if he’s sparing you, or he’s actually just a gentleman. Could go either way. But when Taehyung considers dating someone - rare, to say the least - he always has you vet them first. You never like any of them, surprise surprise. 

You’re used to girls approaching you in bathrooms, sometimes aggressively, sometimes meekly, to ask if Taehyung’s your boyfriend. You’ve had girls come apologize, saying they “didn’t know about you”. Once you’d had a girl nearly shove you down a staircase for talking to “her man”, but luckily, said man was walking next to you and helped shut the whole thing down. (You two had had a serious talk after that one about communicating with his partners about his relationship status. Things have never gone that far again, to date.)

Less frequently, you’ll get asked about Taehyung by guys who are interested in you, who are trying to figure out how much of a lost cause it is. That one’s a little trickier. How do you tell the cute guy at the coffee shop that no, you’re not dating Taehyung, but you are secretly so in love with him that it really isn’t worth their time? 

Anyway, usually you just tell guys that you’re not dating Taehyung but that you’re not interested in dating anyone. It usually does the trick. It’s not that far from the truth, either.

That leaves the last category of people who ask about you two, and this is where you feel Namjoon falls: the people who watch your weird, boundary-pushing friendship and are just genuinely curious how it could possibly work. 

And you get it, you really do. You know how this looks from the outside. Hell, you’re sure that from the outside it’s fairly obvious how gone you are for him. Is it just as obvious to the outside that he sees you more like a sister than anything datable? 

Probably.

You’ve had friends ask you what keeps you around. You always say the same thing - regardless of your feelings for him, he’s also your absolute best friend.

Your friendship is precious to you, sacred. It sometimes feels like the only thing you have, in a life where you generally don’t have much. Your family is Lin - that’s it, end of the road. Your girlfriends are nice, but Penny was the closest you had and she’s across the country now. You only have Taehyung. And what you have with him, as special as it is, it’s also precarious. 

If you lose him, it isn’t just that you’ll lose him - and trust, that would be devastating - it’s also that you would be deeply alone. 

Finished with the dishes, you bid Namjoon goodnight and head back into your room for the night, planning to change into pajamas and wait for Taehyung to text you that he made it home safely, wait for Taehyung to text you goodnight. Namjoon murmurs goodnight, but you feel his calculating gaze on your back until you close your door softly behind you.

Next ->

Thank you so much for reading! I started writing this in August, it feels amazing to finally postttttt. Please consider some type of feedback - I'd love to hear anything you want to share! Section II will post on Friday, January 27th - hope to see you there!

[gavisuntiedboot]

You are Everything (Gavi x reader)

28 day writing prompt challenge - prompts are linked here

Day 3: "I love you."

"Amor, turn the lights off and come to bed."

You and Gavi had been dating for several months now. Given the nature of his job, you didn't get to see him often if you weren't at his house. So this evening, like many others, you were at Pablo's apartment to spend the night so that you could have some quality time together. Unfortunately, you were also a university student, which meant that nights at Pablo's were never free from studying or homework. Tonight was no exception. You were sitting on the couch, laptop open in front of you with notes scattered as you tried to figure out your problem set.

"I can't right now, Pablo. I need to finish this."

"Amor, you can finish in the morning. Tomorrow is Sunday. Just get some sleep, and it might be easier to do when you're well rested."

You turned to look at Gavi, eyes tired and body aching. You pulled your glasses off your face. Before you could make a smart comment at him, your eyes began to water, and then you were crying. Gavi's concern was obvious. He got out of bed and came over to you, hugging your form that was shaking with sobs.

"Baby what happened?" He said, softly rubbing circles into your back. You couldn't speak. Sobs wracked your body. You used your remaining strength to stand, and Gavi took the opportunity to wrap his arms around you, embracing you tightly. You continued to cry into his shoulder. He switched off the light, leading both of you to the bed. He laid down with you, keeping you close to his chest. He rubbed circles into your back, placing gentle kisses on your forehead.

"I won't be able to do it Pablo. Not tonight, not tomorrow, not ever. I'm stupid. I don't know why I convinced myself I could do this degree. I'm an idiot and I should drop out." You said softly sniffling against his chest. He separated the two of you slightly, moving one hand up to caress your face.

"Amor don't ever say that about yourself. You are incredibly intelligent and hard working, and you are more than capable of finishing this degree with excellence. I see how much effort you put in. I see the dedication. I see the lack of sleep and sacrificing meals so you can keep studying. I see how you haul your books here every night so I can see you and you can get work done. I'm always in awe of how smart you are. My girl is wonderful and intelligent and sexy. Please don't allow yourself to think anything different. You're amazing."

Your eyes welled up with tears again.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because I love you. You're my girl."

Your breath caught in your throat. This was the first time either of you had said it. You stared deeply into his eyes, trying to decipher if he meant it in a romantic way or not.

"Pablo you don't even know what love is."

"Yes I do. Love is that feeling I get after every kiss, where my heart swells and I feel like I'm on another planet. It's the way that sometimes I look at you in the morning, with the sun hitting your face, and you're so beautiful it hurts to breathe. Everything in this world reminds me of you: the blue of the sky, the smell of the rain, the feeling of the sun on my skin. Everything makes me think of you, and you're all I want to think of. You are everything. I love you."

You looked up at him with wet eyes.

"Say it again."

"I," he kissed your forehead, "love," another kiss to the cheek, "you." He punctuated the statement with a deep and passionate kiss.

"I love you. I think I will continue loving you till I'm no longer on this Earth. I love you I love you I love you."

"Pablito... I love you too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A/N: a little short, but hope y'all enjoyed! I am literally falling asleep while typing. On a more personal note, I submitted my application for Grad school today. Clap for me pls. Part 3 of "Just Pretend" taking longer than I thought - sorry for the delay!

[stranger-rants]

Runaway Max Annotation Series

This is part of a series I am doing on Runaway Max by Brenna Yovanoff. To see previous posts including the annotation guide, check the [#rm annotations] tag on my blog. These posts will follow the general formula of summary, annotations, quotes, and any thoughts or analysis I want to provide based on my own interpretation of the text. You can use my posts as references in fandom discussions.

Runaway Max Chapter Two

Max and Billy experience their first day of school. Max talks about her life back in San Diego, and why she tried to run away to L.A. to be with her dad.

Annotations:

1) Background

Their first day of school was "a Tuesday, more than a month after school already started," which means they started school mid-October. Max had friends in San Diego named Ben, Eddie, and Nate. She didn't have female friends.

2) Family Context

Max ran away to stay with her dad in L.A. after she had been told that they were moving to Hawkins. Susan views her ex-husband as wasting his smarts on irresponsible things and inconsistent work. He did some illegal jobs here and there, and he lives in a dingy apartment.

3) Unreliable Statements / Limited P.O.V.

Max says that she thinks having Billy around is making Susan crazy, but there's little to no context explaining why she thinks this. Susan is getting them ready for school, and Billy doesn't say or do much of anything to combat this.

4) Evidence of Abuse / Neglect

Neil is the one making them move. Max thinks that Susan is just going along with it. Max's father is not a responsible parent. He is often late in picking her up and frequently falls asleep in front of the T.V. Susan doesn't trust him to take care of Max, which begs the question - why would she trust Billy to take care of Max?

6) Max & Billy Relationship

There isn't much antagonism between them in this chapter which is odd given the supposed circumstances that lead to the move not yet revealed or even hinted at early in the novel. Instead, there is an attempt at solidarity in being pissed off about the move - Billy says Hawkins sucks and says, "I bet you're already planning your next jailbreak right?"

7) Valuable Insights

Susan and Max disagree greatly on how a young girl should dress and act.

8) Billy's Characterization

Billy is enraged by the move. Max says he "lost it" when he found out, but he expresses this mostly by keeping to himself. He blasts his music in his room and refuses to eat dinner with the family. Billy is told by Susan to drive Max to the middle school and walk in with her to make sure she gets what she needs. Billy drops her off, refusing to go in.

Quote(s):

Billy rolled his head sideways to look at me. "But I don't want to, Max. They're not paying me to babysit you. If you don't like it, maybe tomorrow you can walk."

This chapter reveals just how poorly planned this book is because there's not a drop of a hint of a piece of evidence as to why the family moved to Hawkins, even though fans adamantly use this book as evidence that the move was all Billy's fault. There is no hint that Billy blames Max or that Max blames Billy for it.

I know that later information contradicts this by putting blame on Billy's violence, but information that is revealed later on isn't meant to contradict the entire tone of a chapter but rather enhance it. The feeling the reader gets from this chapter is that Max and Billy didn't want to move, and they're unhappy in Hawkins.

Not that they're ready to kill each other over it.

I am endlessly fascinated that Max's mom doesn't want Max around her father because he's "irresponsible" but then turns around and expects her step son to babysit Max for free. It's his first day, too, and she expects him to not only drive her to school but check her in when he has to do that for himself when he gets to the high school.

Billy explains himself clearly and logically to Max as to why he's not going to do what Susan wants him to do, and you know what? He's right. Not only that, but Max is perfectly capable of checking herself in. The statement that Billy is "driving Susan crazy" is also random and lacking context, making Billy out to be the "bad guy" for being an annoyed teenager.

This doesn't mean that Billy hasn't done anything to piss her off or drive her crazy, but there is absolutely no context for the statement that explains what he's saying or doing that's so wrong. I cannot emphasize enough that statements are just made about Billy with little to no detail backing them up, so the reader is just expected to believe Max.

Max was also unlikeable in this chapter for one main reason - the "I'm not like other girls" attitude she carries. It's fine that she doesn't vibe with femininity in the way that her mother expects her too, but she puts herself above other girls in many ways to make herself "different" from them. She is a child, though, so this can change over time.

Back to Susan... Again. I have to say this again.

If Susan really doesn't trust Max's father to take care of her, it makes no narrative sense to expect Billy, her step son who she supposedly can't stand, to be Max's babysitter. It's irresponsible. If she wants Max checked in at school, she can do it herself because that's certainly not Billy's job when he also has school to go to.

The main thing we learn about Billy is that Billy is basically parentified and somehow that makes him the bad guy.

[kpop-fanatic-lover16]

My Grinch - Park Jay

Genre: fluff, little bit of angst

Pairing: Enhypen Jay x reader!

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: drinking, degrading of Christmas, a suggestive moment

♡

The evening was drawing to a close as you opened box after box filled to the brim with things you owned. You still had plenty of boxes left in different rooms of your new apartment after your recent move. Due to work and school, you barely had the time left in the evening to unpack a few boxes. Hence your current status and very little progress. You needed to go through your stuff and get rid of a few things. 

It also didn't help that you kept agreeing to events you were invited to instead of saying no and dealing with your apartment. You liked to be social, which meant attending parties or events that your best friend almost always brought you to. The recent holidays meant more parties and fun. Halloween parties or get-togethers, or Friendsgiving dinners and trips to the beach. Now that Christmas was approaching, everyone and their friends had something going on every single night. But you were the one that pushed you and your best friend to go since he hated Christmas.

He was your own personal Grinch.

You opened your fifth box and peered inside to see a ton of your books that needed to be color organized on a shelf you hadn't moved yet. A thought passed through your head at that moment. With a shrug of your shoulders, you closed the box back up and shoved it out of the way. You needed to get ready for the night and the books could wait until tomorrow. It was a Friday night after all. 

Your best friend rang the doorbell just as you were putting on your earrings. As you walked to the front door, you were struggling to put on your necklace. A huff escaped you when you still couldn't get it by the time you reached the door making you give up for a moment to let him inside. 

Jay walked in without a word and stared at you. The shiny dark green tight dress was making his heart race. You looked beautiful.

"What?" you snapped, slightly catching him off guard. You realized your tone a second later and sighed again. "Sorry, I just can't seem to get this necklace on."

"Do you need help?" 

You fiddled around with the clasp once more before giving up completely. "Yes, please."

A small smile appeared on his face as he took the necklace from you and waited for you to turn around. He lifted the dainty chain over your head and paused to let you gather your hair to one side. Once your hair was out of his way, he quickly clipped the clasp and let the necklace go. He swallowed hard when his eyes drifted to the bare skin on your upper back and shoulders.

His fingertips grazed the skin at the nape of your neck, letting his hands rest on the tops of your shoulders. He let them softly trace your skin over the curve of your shoulder and down your biceps. The tip of Jay's nose touched the edge of your ear before he tilted his chin back to let his lips rest there instead. Jay squeezed gently at the skin near your elbows making you drop your head back into his left shoulder, curling back into his chest. 

Jay blinked, realizing that none of that happened and you were now facing him. 

You let your hair fall back down as you now adjusted the necklace on your collarbone. "Thanks." 

Jay nodded, "Sure."

The two of you stood together in silence. Something Jay didn't know is you were also picturing something similar to what he imagined just a second ago. You had for years when moments like him putting on your necklace, buying you coffee and jewelry, getting something from the top shelf, or surprising you with flowers on the days that were terrible were a constant factor. You wanted to believe that he liked you just the same as you did him, but he only acted as if he was your best friend, taking care of you.

On Jay's end, he loved you more than anyone he'd ever known, he just couldn't find the bravery to tell you. Even though he couldn't confess that didn't stop him from spoiling you.

"I have to get my shoes on and then I'll be ready," you said to him breaking the silence. 

"Can't we just stay in?" Jay called to you after a moment of you being gone. He would much rather stay at your apartment than go to some Christmas party. He hated this holiday. Ever since he was little, he remembered Christmas as a time of separation for his family. His dad was never around and his mother tried her best to make it special for him. Though as he got older his mother stopped caring. This is the reason why he hated Christmas so much.

"No!" you whined at him. You now had your heels on and were ready to go. Jay raised his eyebrows at the glittered silver pumps wondering why you were wearing them for something as simple as a school Christmas-themed party. He couldn't deny that they looked really good on you and complimented the dark green dress. Jay did however find the Christmas tree earrings you were wearing to be cheesy.

"Why do you insist on going to these when you know I hate them?"

"Because Park Jay," you grabbed his arm and pulled him out the front door. "as long as you're with me, you will learn to love Christmas."

A little later in the night, you were standing with Sunoo, you're other best friend after drinking some spiked eggnog. You didn't normally drink, but tonight you wanted to try something new. Plus, Sunoo--the host of the party--didn't spike it too hard and Jay was your ride home so it seemed fine. Though your alcohol tolerance wasn't very good.

Jay stood off to the side talking with one of his friends about life all the while trying to avoid any traditional Christmas activities. Heeseung offered him a glass of eggnog which Jay turned down. He disliked the taste of it, spiked or not. His eyes kept wandering to you the whole night checking in to see you enjoying the holiday that made you the happiest. When he was with you, he didn't hate Christmas as much as he did when you weren't around him.

"You amaze me," Heeseung said before smiling in disbelief. 

Jay furrowed his eyebrows, "Why?"

"Don't play dumb," Heeseung dismissed Jay. "I see the way you look at her and treat her. She might as well be your girlfriend minus the asking her out and confessing."

"Oh stop," Jay grumbled. "She's just a really good friend that's been there for me."

"That's the other thing," Heeseung leaned in to mumble the rest of his sentence. "I see it on her end too. If a girl bends over backward for a guy--like y/n has done for you this whole time--then she's interested."

Jay sighed and looked back over at you. Heeseung gave him a knowing look. Jay was too afraid that you didn't return his affection. Too many guys in your life had played you in the palm of their hands. Not because you were stupid and naive, but because you craved to see the good in everybody. You craved to see the good in life, things, and even Jay himself. That was why he was here tonight. Jay knew you wanted to see Christmas bring him joy.

"Hey look!" someone suddenly shouted. Both Heeseung and Jay turned to see what the commotion was. The pit of his stomach dropped right then. Sunoo was inches away from you looking up at something you were standing under. Everyone started to laugh at the thought of you and Sunoo being under the mistletoe right by the door to the backyard. 

Sunoo dipped down and kissed the corner of your lips, not wanting to avoid the tradition but also not wanting to kiss his best friend full on the mouth. Like all his other friends, he knew you liked Jay and didn't want to take advantage of you and your feelings. Jay ducked out of the room after he saw Sunoo kiss the one he loved truly. Heeseung called after him but Jay blocked it out having no interest in a pick-me-up conversation.

He was fuming.

This is why he hated Christmas. Everything always snapped his heart in half and that's why he hated it so much. He hated the colors, the glitter, the lights, the songs, all the stupid traditions like kissing under a piece of mold, drinking thick disgusting spiked beverages, expensive gifts that nobody ever used, quality time around a fake tree with fake sentimental ornaments that people throw out anyway; all of it was trash to him. The only thing he never thought was trash whenever he thought of Christmas was you, and that's because you loved it so much. How could he hate someone for having that much love for something, so much love for him?

"Jay," your voice broke his train of thoughts an hour or so later. Jay was on the front porch mulling over his thoughts in the cold. "I'm ready to go home."

He said nothing. You watched him get up off the steps and walk over to the car he parked by the curb. The vibe coming off of him made you confused. Jay wouldn't look at you or even acknowledge anything you said. His clenched jaw indicated to you that he was mad. He occasionally would let his anger slip through his driving too.

You had about enough of him ignoring you when you were halfway through town driving under twinkling lights. 

A scoff escaped his lips, "I hate these lights. This holiday sucks."

"Stop the car," you demanded with a calm voice. Now Jay was looking at you. 

"What--" 

"I said stop the car right now," you repeated. "I'm getting out."

"No, Y/n it's freezing--"

"Jay!"

"Okay, okay," he gave in after you nearly shouted his name. He pulled off into a parking lot and stopped the car. You unbuckled your seatbelt and opened the door. A rush of cold air filled the car, sending warning signals to Jay. The clothes you were wearing were not warm enough for you to be outside for a long time. 

Jay followed you out of the car and cursed under his breath as you began to hike through the snow over to a small park decorated to the max with everything Christmas. That however was the last thing on Jay's mind. He stopped when you did, handing over a padded jacket he had in his car. You gave him a blank stare, refusing to take the jacket. 

"Why are you being difficult? Take the jacket." Jay said to you, waiting for you to take it. 

"No," you replied, getting a frustrated huff from him. "Not until you tell me why all of a sudden you're being mean and ignoring me."

"Just put the dang jacket on," Jay insisted, shoving the jacket at you.

"Look, I know you've always hated Christmas and never bothered to hide your dislike, but you're attitude and hate for it is way out of line. So if it's too much to ask, why are you being so hostile?"

Jay went silent staring you down with an unrelenting glare. He didn't have to tell you why he hated Christmas so much and he didn't have to tell you why he hated it so much right now. Unknowingly to him, you were tracing back your steps to try and figure out what exactly had him all up in arms.

"Are you mad that you had to come to the party with me?" you asked. His eyes stayed the same as he answered with a simple 'no'. You kept asking him questions until the final one popped into your head. It made your mind spin in disbelief. "Are you mad because Kim Sunoo kissed me under the mistletoe like two hours ago? Is that why you are so angry?"

"So what if I am?" Jay fired back. He sighed and broke eye contact with you. His heart was racing, but that didn't stop him from pushing the jacket at you. Jay pressed his lips into a line when you refused it once more. 

"You hate traditional stuff like that, why on earth would you care?"

"Why do you think?" the air was silent. Jay's words hit you like a frat train. 

"Yes," Jay dropped his outstretched arm and looked away from you. "I hate Christmas. I hate all the things that go with it and all the things you're supposed to do, but no matter how much I hate it, that doesn't mean it hurts seeing you do it with other people. Watching you kiss Sunoo knowing it wasn't me only makes me hate Christmas more."

The next thing Jay knew was your lips pressed against his in a tender yet gentle kiss. He accepted the kiss immediately, deepening it with the turn of his head and the grip he put on your waist. One arm wrapped around the curve of your back while his other hand came up to hold your neck as he kissed you strongly. Every bone in his body was tense. His heart was in his throat and his breath was caught. Your lips against his felt so soft to him and the feeling of your hands on his chest fogged his brain. His thoughts broke however when he felt your skin. It was ice cold.

Jay broke away and pulled the jacket over your back, holding you close to him. He leaned down and kissed you again, drunk on the feeling of it.

"Do you forgive me?" you whispered, looking into his chocolate-brown eyes.

"I'll think about it," he answered. "You can't just kiss me after you kiss someone else and expect me to forgive you."

You pointed above your heads making him look up. Jay looked at you with a small glare after seeing what was hanging over your head. Mistletoe. 

"You know everyone knows that in the end, the Grinch loves Christmas." 

Jay raised his eyebrows at you trying to hide the smile forming on his lips. "Well, this Grinch is gonna be hard to convince."

"I just kissed you under the mistletoe," you bragged playfully. "That is quite a step for Park Jay."

"Keep dreaming."

"As long as you're in it." your words hit his heart and made it soar above the heavens. He had you in his arms, not to help you with anything or spoil you, but because you wanted him. You wanted him to be a part of your Christmas, to see him be happy.

"I'm okay with that," he whispered to you before pulling you in for another kiss. The two of you walked back to the car hand in hand, ready to go home and spend the rest of the night together in your unfinished apartment wondering through confessions, kisses, laughter, and most importantly, Christmas decorations. 

"Oh," Jay began as he walked around the front of his car. "Green looks good on you, but for the love of my sanity, lose the earrings."

[wonderlandleighleigh]

Did I write an entire 9 pages just to have Joel get punched in the face?

I mean. Yeah.

Things are different when he gets home from the war. A lot has changed. His siblings are older. His mother and step-father are even more of a united force, while his father and step-mother are…much less of one. 

In fact, Mei has completely moved out; taken Lan and moved in with her parents, leaving Pop alone in their previously homey apartment. 

Meanwhile, Kitty is off to college upstate, while Esther finishes high school and Lily  starts middle school, and Ma and Lenny are…well, they’re Ma and Lenny. It is, by and large, the exact opposite of Ethan’s father’s life.

And it’s clear, with each passing family dinner, that Pop is painfully aware. 

Lenny heads out of town for a week. Shows out west, and visiting his mother and a few interviews. The usual stuff. He calls every night before bed, and Ethan gets a turn on the phone with the man. They talk about pretty standard stuff. The weather and the news. Grandpa’s Abe’s latest crusade. 

Third night in, Lenny brings up something a little different. 

“Do me a favor, huh kid?” 

“Sure, Lenny. What’s up?” 

“Just uh…keep an eye on your mother,” Lenny says. “Especially at family dinner tomorrow night.” 

Ethan frowns. That tone. He knows that tone. Lenny gets that tone when something is worrying him. He had that tone when Ethan got drafted; when Lily was born a couple weeks sooner than they expected; When Kitty got cornered by some creep reporter after school one day.

“Yeah, of course,” Ethan promises. “You know I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to Ma.” 

“I know,” Lenny insists. “Just uh…eyes peeled. Something uh…something came up with your old man the other day, and she’s…feeling a little fragile.” 

Ethan’s jaw sets as his eyes fall on a photo of himself, his mother and his younger sister, from after Pop left. “You got it, Lenny.” 

“I’ll talk to you later,” Lenny promises. 

“Yep,” Ethan clips out. 

Lenny pauses. He knows Ethan knows. 

Ethan hangs up the phone. He doesn’t sleep much that night.

**** 

“What’s eatin’ you?” 

Ethan glances up at Susie from his desk at her offices. She’s expanded into a bigger space, so he’s got his own alcove. “Nothin.” 

“Bullshit,” Susie snaps. “This a war thing?” 

“No.” 

“C’mon, it’s a slow day. Spill it.” 

Ethan takes a breath. “Last night, Lenny asked me to watch out for Ma at family dinner.” 

Susie blinks. “Queens suddenly turn into a slum?” 

“No,” he shakes his head. 

“Then why-” 

“Lenny asked me. To watch out for Ma. At family dinner,” Ethan enunciates. 

Susie blinks. “Fuck.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Shit.” 

“Yep.” 

“Fucking Joes.” 

“Yeah, that.” 

“Lenny expound on what’s goin’ on?” Susie asks.

“Nope,” he shakes his head. “But you and I have both seen enough horrible shit in this world to take a few guesses.” 

Susie’s own jaw sets then. “Tell your bubbe  to set an extra place for dinner.” 

Ethan nods and picks up the phone on his desk. “You got it.” 

***** 

Ethan doesn’t hesitate to step inside the house in Queens when he and Susie arrive. Just opens the door and heads in, looking around. 

“I like that you can’t be fucked with hesitating,” Susie tells him. 

“I grew up here,” Ethan reminds her. “This is practically my second home. Zeyde! Bubbe!” 

“IN THE LIVING ROOOOM!” Shirley’s voice calls. 

Ethan heads in that direction, settling the bottle of wine he’d brought down. 

“My Ethan!” his grandmother croons, rushing up to pinch his cheek and give him kisses. “I feel like we never see you anymore!” 

“Well, I work, Bubbe, I get busy,” he says gently. 

“There he is,” Moishe crows, shaking his hand affectionately. “You look good, Ethan.” 

“Thanks,” Ethan grins. 

“Hello, Susie,” Shirley grins. “So nice to have you! Let me get some drinks started!” 

“Thanks, Shirley. Make it a double.” 

“Anyone else here?” Ethan asks. 

“Kitty is studying in the kitchen,” Moishe tells him. “That girl. Your sisters are all brains!” 

Ethan chuckles a little and shrugs. “It makes up for me being a big meathead,” he jokes. 

“Please, you’ve got the Maisel business brain!” Moishe crows. “That’s why you’re such a good fit for Susie’s company. She’s lucky I didn’t snap you up for Maisel and Roth!” 

“Fuck right I am,” Susie interjects. “Kid’s great. I’m lucky to have him, when he’s not eating me out of the office.” 

“He’s a big boy,” Shirley defends. “He needs nutrition.” 

“And on that note, I’m gonna go say hello to Kitty,” Ethan tells them, taking his drink and slipping down the hallway into the kitchen. 

She sits with a large textbook, notebook and pen in front of her, and she smiles when she spots him. “Hey.” 

He nods and sits next to her. “How’s school going?” 

“Crazy,” she admits. “I almost didn’t get away, but Daddy called. He wanted me to come.” 

“Yeah, I talked to him, to…” Ethan tells her. “He wanted me to keep an eye on Ma.” 

Kitty narrows her eyes, looking worried. “That’s concerning.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Well. I’m here. I can help,” Kitty promises. “I’ll keep watch, too.” 

“Thanks, Sis,” Ethan grins, lifting his drink to her. “You are, as ever, the best of us.” 

She laughs softly and goes back to her books, just as Joel steps into the kitchen, going straight for a high cabinet and pulling an old bottle of scotch down. 

“Hey, Pop,” Ethan says warily. 

Joel nearly fumbles the bottle as he turns to the two younger adults. “Ethan. Hey. Kitty.” 

Kitty salutes with her pencil. 

“You uh…your mom here yet?” Joel asks, cradling the bottle. 

“Nope,” Kitty tells him. “Between Esther and Lily and Midge, punctuality isn’t exactly a priority.” 

“Yeah, she uh…she’s always late,” Joel says wistfully. 

Ethan lifts his eyebrows. “You uh…you okay there, Pop?” 

“Fine. Just. Fine.” 

Ethan nods slowly as he watches him step out of the room.

“Well, it’s always nice when a parent lies to our faces,” Kitty mutters.

“Yeah,” Ethan breathes out. “Fuck.” 

***** 

Eventually everyone shows up and Shirley herds them all into the dining room.

“No studying at the table,” she orders as she takes Kitty’s textbook. 

“But-” 

“You don’t want to get kugel on your book,” Shirley chides her as she sets the book on a table in the hallway. “It’ll be waiting right there for you.” 

Midge beams as Kitty takes a seat next to her, leaning over and kissing her temple. “Hi, Sweetie. I’m so glad you could make it.” 

Kitty smiles back at her. These dinners are odd without her father here, but Midge makes that awkward feeling a little less aggressive. Though Midge is looking a little pale. “Mom, are you okay?” she asks quietly. 

“Fine,” Midge smiles. “I’m great. Just long hours recently. You know how it is. Business we call show, yada yada yada.” 

Kitty glances at Ethan, who has taken the seat on Midge’s other side. He doesn’t look like he’s buying it either.

Susie looks even less convinced from Ethan’s other side. 

Kitty steals a glance at Joel, who is looking…

A little guilty.  

A quick glance at Esther and Lily tells Kitty that they’re also aware that something is very off. 

But dinner progresses normally. As normal as these things get anyways. Moishe and Abe bicker, and Shirley cooked too much food. Rose looks judgmentally at everyone’s plates as they scarf down carbohydrates, and everyone chats. Susie and Ethan talk about work, and Abe looks deeply interested in what Kitty is learning in school (which makes Kitty feel a little fuzzy inside. She’s always appreciated how much of an interest Abe has always taken in her education). 

“Look at that, we’re out of salad already,” Shirley marvels. 

“I’ve got it,” Midge offers, already getting to her feet.

“You’re a doll, Midge,” Shirley beams. 

It only takes a moment for Joel to rise to his feet. “I’ll help.” 

“No,” Ethan says firmly. “You won’t. Ma doesn’t need help. She knows how to dish more salad into a bowl.” 

Joel freezes, staring at his son. “What?” 

“Sit, Pop,” Ethan orders. 

“You don’t get to tell me what to do,” Joel snaps. “I’m your father.” 

“I said sit, before I make you sit.” 

The table goes deadly silent. There’s a deep understanding around the room of just how serious Ethan is. 

“No,” Joel tells him definitely. “You don’t fucking get to tell me what to do. Punk little kid, think because you went to war you know everything.” 

He throws his napkin down and starts moving toward the doorway, only for Ethan to block him.

“I’m nearly a foot taller than you,” Ethan reminds him. “And maybe war didn’t teach me everything, but it sure as hell taught me how to knock somebody on their ass.” 

“Oh, is that what this is?” Joel scoffs. “You wanna fight?” 

“Holy shit, I can’t believe this is happening,” Susie mutters. 

“I want you to leave Ma alone,” Ethan corrects him. “Whatever happened between you two earlier in the week was, apparently it wasn’t good, and nobody is lookin’ to repeat that, least of all her.” 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Joel yells. “You don’t know anything!” 

The second Joel grabs his shirt, Ethan smoothly throws a fist, and Joel is suddenly on his ass on the floor. 

“Ethan!” Shirley cries, shocked, rushing to her son.

“This is the best day of my fuckin’ life,” Susie marvels.

Midge rushes back in then, without the salad, she sees Joel on the floor and then swallows, looking up at Ethan. “You didn’t have to do that.” 

“No, yeah I did,” Ethan tells her. 

Lily is up out of her seat, looking at Joel on the floor. “On a scale from one to ten, how much did that hurt?” 

“Lily, please,” Rose admonishes. “Honestly, Ethan. This could have been settled without violence.” 

“He wasn’t gonna back down,” Ethen tells them all calmly.

Midge takes a breath, looking around at the four kids, and Susie. “Grab your things. Let’s go get some pizza and talk.” 

“You’re leaving?” Shirley asks, looking frantic suddenly. 

Midge doesn’t respond, just herds all four of them towards the door, and Kitty picks up her books on the way.

***** 

It gnawed at him too much.

Tipping off Ethan and Kitty to the situation was a good idea, but he can’t help himself, and so he’d hopped a flight back, and now he’s standing in front of the Maisel residence in Queens, about to knock on the door when it swings open, revealing Midge and all four kids, about to leave. 

“Something tells me I missed the fun,” Lenny says as he takes them all in. 

Midge huffs out a breath and throws her arms around him, holding him tightly. 

“Yeah,” he mutters into her hair. “I’m sorry, Sweetheart.” 

When they’d talked on the phone the other night, and she’d described how things with Joel had become physical in a more threatening, mildly more violent way than usual - only stopped by Archie walking into Joel’s office - Lenny had offered to come home early, but Midge had told him everything was fine.

Everything is no longer fine. 

“Anyone care to explain?” he asks the quartet standing in the doorway. 

Ethan and Kitty look at each other darkly, while Lily just shrugs, and Esther…

Esther narrows her eyes and turns right back around.

“Fuck,” Ethan spits out, following his sister. “Es - Es wait-” 

Lenny, for his part, tries to follow the two Maisel children, but Midge isn’t letting go anytime soon, and he gets the feeling that she downplayed how bad things got with Joel, on top of whatever happened here tonight. 

“I got this,” Susie promises, and rushes after the kids, clearly a little bit gleeful. 

There’s a loud slap from further inside the house, and an even louder grunt before Esther comes marching back out with Ethan and Susie following her, both trying hard not to look too pleased. 

“Ethan punched Pop,” Esther explains as she steps out of the house with her siblings. “Pop wasn’t backing down, so he got punched. And I just figured out why, so I slapped him.” She looks around at her family. “Mama mentioned pizza. Let’s do that.” 

***** 

Midge has never been more grateful for her family. 

Susie slipped away when they got back into the city, apparently watching the kids beat up their father was more than enough entertainment for her, and she wandered off for a drink. The girls picked up the pizza, while Lenny and Ethan escorted Midge home, and now she’s curled up on the couch with everyone lounging around her. 

The fight with Joel the other night had been - 

Bad feels like an understatement. Since Mei left with Lan, he’s been different. Angrier. Often drunker, and Midge had been on the receiving end of that drunken rage. When his hand had gripped her around the neck, it had been like being doused in ice water. Like drowning. 

This was no longer the Joel she knew, and she’d told Lenny mostly out of fear. She hadn’t expected him to mention it to the kids, but she’s grateful now that he did. If she’d been left alone with Joel again, she’s not sure what would have happened, even in his parents’ home.

Eventually everyone gets tired. It’s far past Lily’s bedtime. Lenny will drive Kitty back to school in the morning, and for the rest of them, it will be a lazy Saturday. 

Midge gets ready for bed slowly, finding her hands shaking in the quiet of their bedroom. 

“It’s been a long week for you,” Lenny says gently, pulling her close. “It’s okay to freak out a little, Midge.” 

She nods and wraps her arms around him tightly. “I know I said everything was fine, and you didn’t have to come home, but fuck am I glad you did anyways.” 

“Me too,” he admits. “You have to stop downplaying these things, though. Seriously, Midge. Fuck the gigs, fuck the interviews, and to hell with my mother, you needed me here, you should have said so.” 

Midge nods, closing her eyes. “I thought I was handling it.” 

“If I hadn’t tipped off the kids…” 

She shrugs. “Then Joel probably would have done something else tonight.” 

Lenny nods. “No more downplaying?” 

“No more downplaying,” Midge promises. “Can I kiss you now?” 

He huffs. “I suppose I could suffer through that.” 

She grins and leans in.

[chalecbooks]

Chapter 1 - Perfect Shades of Red

Follow my insta -charles_.lec16

Summary: Charles and Madyson meet in unexpected conditions… will they continue together or go their separate ways.

Go to masterlist to find other parts to this series

Part 1/?

"Oh fuck!" Madyson shrieked before collapsing on her bed. "I swear to god I am the unluckiest person on this planet" she mumbled into her pillow before forcing herself off the bed and back to packing, she hated storms and with her luck the evening before she was meant to fly out to university there is a storm warning, a code red at that. "it's always the colour red" she mumbled as she jumped on her suitcase to try and close it. She wasn't expecting to fly out tomorrow anymore, her flight would probably be canceled due to weather. It was disappointing but not the end of the world, she could fly out in a day or two and still have time to settle in as school only stared in a week and a bit.

Finally closing her suitcase, she wandered off to the kitchen looking for something to eat. 2 minutes is not a long time but when you're waiting for your food to heat up it feels like forever. Staring at the small dish of noodles go around and around in the microwave is a tedious game but Madyson had nothing else to do until her phone rang forcing her to lose the staring competition with the noodles. "See even the weather doesn't want you to leave me" the voice of her best friend echoed thew the kitchen as Madyson put her friend on speaker allowing her to use her hand to finally get the noodles.

"Yes Phe, the weather doesn't want me to move! That makes so much sense." Madyson said sarcastically trying to suppress her giggles, "okay fine! But Mads you sure your going to be okay?" Phoenix said sounding worried for her best friend. "Yes, I'll be fine, I've lived alone for 2 years since we graduated the only difference now is that I will be in a different country" Mads assured her friend before shoving her mouth with food. "I know you will be fine with that you independent piece of shit! I meant with the storm coming... I know you hate them." Phe said laughing at Mads confusion on what she meant.

Just as Mads was about to reply when the rain suddenly started bucketing down and just as Mads thought it couldn't get any worse the loud sound of thunder sent shockwaves through her heart. "yea. I'm fine" she replied before quickly hanging up, not wanting to cry on the call.

"shhhhhhhhh, it's okay Mads just go close the curtains and snuggle up on the couch" she instructed herself trying to calm her rapid breaths and stop the quickly approaching tears. Knowing this was only the beginning she walked to the window to close the curtains preparing for the weather to only get worse she was planning so just listen to music and snuggle on the couch. As she walked over, she clicked repeat play on her favorite song "Till forever falls apart" mumbling the song she approached the window. "if the tide takes California, I'm so glad I got to- WHAT THE FUCK" she shouted as she looked outside the window to see someone sitting on the side of the road in the rain.

Now it was a test of morals, go outside in the rain and see if the man was okay and inform him that there was a storm warning, or the more enjoyable option close the curtains and leave the potential murderer alone...

Deciding to leave the potential killer alone Madyson wrapped herself in a warm blanket because she was cold only wearing shorts and a crop top. Grabbed her noodles and book before flopping on her couch and opening her book she was reading for the 2 time, it took 30 seconds, 30 seconds for the guilt to get to her and make her get up off the couch and put boots on.

She didn't see the point in dressing in warm clothes as she would surely be soaked to the bone when she got back and didn't want more laundry than necessary, as she reached the door the realization hit. Her umbrella was already packed, "oh well my good luck continues" Mads mumbles peeking through the door to see how bad the conditions were. Quickly she opened the door before slamming it shut again so no water got in the house.

Still hiding under the little roof on the front step she could fell her heat increase speed, "Madyson Fisher, you are not allowed to have a panic attack now" she scolded herself and without giving her mind time to create flashbacks she was walking down the path in the rain. The man seemed to be completely zoned out she may have even thought he was dead if he wasn't sitting up right. As she slowly walked towards the man the thunder and rain got harder "come Mads, pick up the pace" she whispered to herself breaking into a run as she got closer.

Now she was two feet away from the man who was still yet to notice her, "um excuse me Sir are you aware there is a storm warning for tonight?" Madyson asked them man after tapping him on the shoulder.

"Oh, um no I wasn't thank you" the man looked up at her his beautiful green orbs starting at her before quicky replying in a thick French accent before turning to face Madyson and getting up. Madyson in complete awe of the man's gorgeous face had completely forgotten about the storm. "Do you know where the Protea Hotel is from here?" the man asked still a bit shocked that such a beautiful girl would come out in the rain to see if he was okay.

"oh, that's like 1 hour way, how did you get here then?" Mads asked now interested in this man's story still completely oblivious to the worsening storm around them. "I walked" He mumbled before looking down and scratching the back of his neck clearly ashamed that he was so reckless, "well, my house is just there. So if you want to stay the night you can... it's too dangerous to drive or walk anywhere now." She said trying to get the two of them out the storm as she finally realized it was hailing now.

"Are you sure? I really don't want to ruin your evening" He said lifting his hands above his head to protect it from the hard snowballs falling from the sky. "Yes, it's no problem. Now if you would like to follow me before one of us gets hit in the head with a large hail ball" She shouted over the sound of hail hitting the ground The man just laughed before both broke out into a sprint towards the house.

Reaching the house Madyson quickly opened the door for both of them and just as quickly closed it, the two of them looked at each other for a second before both bursting out laughing. After finally regaining herself control Mads put her hand out "My name is Madyson, but everyone calls me Mads" She smiled "Charles" he said returning an even bigger smile.

[left-myself-in-the-alleyway]

Rant TW

I am so tired, and I have nothing to show for it. I’ve been thinking about this past year and where everything went wrong, why I suddenly couldn’t do the things I’ve been doing for years, and why I went from being so far ahead of everyone I knew, to being so far behind them all.

While I’ve been thinking about all this, I had met up with an old friend, and I suddenly remembered something I had forgotten about from years ago. We attended a session at a conference about Burnout, from someone who had suffered from it and was put out of commission for years. At the end of the session, we all filled out a page, just for ourselves, about where we sat with the warning signs of burnout. I filled out every single box except for one, and then I laughed and put it in my bag. Because what was a supposed to do? Just stop?

And so I kept pushing, I pushed and I pushed and I pushed. I pushed through the online classes with the pandemic, I pushed through the next year with severe Covid anxiety in a school where nobody cared. Looking back, I was falling apart at the seams. I snapped and said I couldn’t go back to that school, I had been there for 7 years. I decided I couldn’t take another year with the way the school was changing. I gave up graduating with a class I had been with for 7 years because I was breaking.

I don’t want to be cocky, but I gave up being valedictorian, all my friends told me they would have elected me. I gave up another year of academic awards. I gave up scholarships. I couldn’t breath anymore and so I snapped, and I left. I was left with two options, online distance education, or a public school where I knew for sure I would end up incredibly socially isolated and likely bullied. So I took the online option. I figured it would give me room to breath and enough spare time to get a job. I told myself I would finish my graduating year before Christmas and never look back. I had such high hopes. But that wasn’t the reality.

The second I had any space to breath, I shut down. I was terrified to do school, I didn’t know my teachers and stupidly high grades had left me with a bar that I was scared I couldn’t reach anymore. I was exhausted, and too scared to start, because if I tried and I failed, then that would mean I was a failure.

We live on a property that we moved onto a few years ago, and there have been a lot of projects and things my family wanted my help with since I was around anyways, so when I could I helped with that instead of doing school. “Oh just one more day” “well if I catch up on sleep now I will be able to get to work!” “I’m so tired today, maybe tomorrow”

“Maybe tomorrow” happened all year.

My friends are all graduated now. The new school year is about to start again. I have spent this entire year in near total isolation. What do I have to show for it? Nothing. I have barely done any work towards my graduation, and I’m exhausted.

So now I look back at all those burnout warning signs and I curse myself for not doing something. I also curse myself for leaving my school, perhaps forced deadlines and another year of exhaustion would have been better considering I’m exhausted anyways, and at least then I would have been done and would have graduated with my friends.

Perhaps one day I will look back on all this and laugh, but right now I am living in a hell of my own creation. I am an adult now, and I don’t even have a degree to show for it. Just a year of extreme anxiety and stress and exhaustion. My mother is disappointed, my family is disappointed, everybody keeps pressuring me to finish and I have cried more this year than I ever have before. I will not be attending university right out of highschool like I promised myself I would. Burnout isn’t a joke, please give yourselves some time to breathe or your body will force you to do it, and you won’t be happy about it.

[not-me-haha]

If only.... -yjw

FOURTEENTH CHAPTER: hide and seek

You woke up at once after an oddly weird dream. Cold sweat glistened on your tired face. You tried recalling what your dream was but the only thing you could hear was this song.

"When it all comes to an end, and it falls all apart, not even death can separate you, is the promise of my heart"

Cupping your ears with your palms to somehow stop the song from repeating over and over again, it all came to a halt once you heard your mother knock on the bedroom door. "Y/N, breakfast is ready. Are you up?"

"Uh- yes. I- I'll be down in a few." You said holding your head to come back to reality.

You checked your phone to see a new text from Jungwon.

Goodnight Y/N, meet me tomorrow.

You sprung up from your phone, hair still a mess, trying to get ready as quick as possible.

"Mom, I'm going!"

"Y/N! Dont rush or the food may come out. Dont run!"

"I'm late mom ah" you turned back after cribbing to your mom to see Jungwon, the boy for whom you got ready faster than Usain Bolt. Instant butterflies in your belly or was it the club sandwich you swallowed? You almost gagged but held it in. It is true mother knows best.

"I thought you wanted to meet me at school. You're in such a hurry Yang Jungwon" you said with a smug look.

"You know, I missed you so much it made my heart hurt" he said pulling you into a warm embrace.

"Ah dont squeeze to hard, my breakfast might just come out."

Laughing and giggling you both walked to school. The day went just as usual except now you constantly had this feeling of an adrenaline rush since Jungwon was around you.

"So you and Jungwon are like friends right?" Asked Alisha in a more concerned way. Usually she would joke around tease you, but today you could see her eyes waiting for a positive answer.

"Um- yes, I guess I dont know, no?" You said perplexed due to her sudden mood change.

"Yes or no Y/N?"

"Its kinda complicated, I'll tell you once we figure it out."

"We?"

"Yeah we, me and Jungwon"

"Y/N, I think you should-" Alisha's sentence was cut short as Min Chae happened to pass by.

"Were you saying anything?" The long black haired Min Chae questioned. "I thought I heard something, perhaps your thought." Min Chae's gaze and smirk were so powerful, almost hypnotizing.

"Yes I was saying something in fact" Alisha continued fiercely, standing up for herself, but truly it was to protect you.

"Y/N is my f-" Alisha froze, not uttering a word as though she had lost her memory. In reality it was Min Chae's power.

You were simply confused, Alisha went back to her desk and Min Chae left after giving you a smile which was new for you.

Leaving the school gates you walked slowly, hoping 'that someone' joins you. It was dark outside, the moon shone like a diamond.

Suddenly you felt a cold breeze blow past you. You instantly knew who it was as the feeling of warmth and tumbling in your tummy arose and this time it wasnt your club sandwich.

You were about to turn around to face Jungwon but instead your phone buzzed and it was him.

Jungwon : Y/N, walk five steps ahead of me and dont walk towards your house, someplace filled with people, maybe a grocery store.

Me : Okay but why? Is everything alright?

Jungwon : Just walk and keep texting me.

You were utterly confused but continued to do as he said.

You walked to the nearest 7/11 store which was unsurprisingly crowded. Turning back you could see Jungwon, his shoulders even broader as though he was trying to guard something.

As you were texting Jungwon about what you should do next, you bumped into someone.

"Ah sorry" you said and tried to get past the person but they didnt move.

"Well hello Y/N. Miss me?"

Masterlist hehe

[occult-roommates]

I wish I were a girl

It had been a week since the roommates arrived for their holiday in Sulani, meaning they already were halfway done with it. Not that they were going to enjoy the following day that much, as a massive storm was heading towards the island. While the Crosdale sisters and some of the roommates were busy preparing the house so nothing will be flooded or rained on, Akva went outside to get some fresh air, as she was starting to feel nauseous again. That’s when she saw Kino looking at the sea, near the low-poly birds, blissfully unaware of the terrible weather to come.

Kino: You know Akva, I get why you’re a lesbian. Akva: Why?? Kino: It’s true. Human females are so beautiful. Akva: Wonderful sentiment, but please don’t say human females ever again.

And if that wasn’t enough for Kino, at around midnight, right before the rain started to fall, Toni invited them outside.

Toni: You know, Kim, even though we met only a week ago, I can tell you’re a lovely person to be around. In fact, if you wouldn’t mind, not tomorrow cause there’s gonna be a storm, but let’s say in two days, would you like going to the beach with me? And I mean only me, without your roommates or my sister. Kino: B-B-B-But of course! Of course I would Toni!

Was this a date? This had to be a date. Kino was actually a bit familiar with Earthlings dating custom, as they did date no less than three Earthlings in less than a year, until they decided to calm down a bit to focus on school. Also because once Rudi and Dawud moved to the apartment, there were just too many people living there, so bringing a new girlfriend home would be uncomfortable and awkward as they would probably never be alone to do...you know...Play Scrabbles...This is barely a joke, Kino never had sex with a Earthling, but that’s another story.

The next morning arrived, and while the storm was starting to set in, Akva and June had the brilliant idea to just fuck off and go to Jay’s house without telling anyone. Toni, worried for her sister and her friend, ended up looking for them, storm be damned. In the mean time, Kino was still sleeping, while Rudi, Daniele and Dawud played Mario Kart together.

Dawud: FUCK YOU WITH YOUR BLUE SHELL!  Daniele: DICK SUCKING LIPS!! Dawud: Yeah, wanna try them out?? Rudi: What kinda insult is that? Usually you insult someone by telling them to suck your dick, not the other way around. Dawud: Look, I know I have big lips and I used to constantly be called that back in high school. I’ve ran out of comebacks ok...Yeah, ran out of comebacks... Daniele: Also like, right now in front of Rudi?? Rudi: A sweet, a threesome!

As Rudi was about to celebrate cause they arrived in first place, the three heard a blood-curdling scream coming from upstairs, which was obviously Kino voice. Their voice is actually much deeper than what you’d expect from their look, since their human appearance is merely aesthetic. On the inside, they still have all of their alien anatomy, include their vocal cords.

The trio rushed upstairs to see what was going on, and were a bit confused to see Kino standing there, with a...beard? Not a few facial hair, a full blown beard. Since they were freaking out, Rudi dragged them back in the living room so they could sit down and chill out a little bit.

Kino: I’m a freak and now Toni is never going to love me. Rudi: You’re not a freak ok. If anything, I think you’re understanding of genders is much more accurate than just trying to shove everything into two neat little boxes. But like, look everyone grows hairs, yes even some women grow facial hairs. It happens. Like look at me, yes I’m nonbinary, but other than that I look like a typical woman and my legs are super hairy. I used to try to shave them, but then I remember it’s useless. Why should I try to force myself into a beauty standards that doesn’t even take my type of occult into consideration?! Kino: It doesn’t count, like you said you’re a werewolf! Rudi: Well, you’re right werewolves tend to be hairier than the average person, but still, unlike your species which doesn’t seem to grow body hair normally, us Earthlings almost universally have some to a degree. Like, look at Dawud. He’s not a werewolf and yet. Dawud: Please keep me out of this.

Kino stood up, then sat back down. They couldn’t believe this is happening. They’ve had this human form for years, why is it happening now?

Kino: I’ll never be a real woman. I messed up. When creating my human form, I took a male body model and added female part to it, when I should have just take a female body model and leave it at that. And now I’m trying to pretend I’m a woman while walking around with a male neck and male junk and my naturally deep voice and now I have a beard. Daniele: Aw hell nah spunchbag the alien has gender dysphoria.  Dawud: Would it kill you to talk like a normal person sometime? Rudi: Kino, if you say you’re a woman then you’re a woman ok! And if you’re worried about Toni, well uh...Tell her you’re a trans woman. And if she’s not ok with that, then she’s not the one. Or just tell her you’re an alien I don’t know how comfortable you are with revealing that to her so soon though. Kino: ...What’s a trans woman? Daniele: You know my cousin who went from female to male? Kinda the same thing, but the other way around. Kino: So like me! I wanna be a girl! A girl that any human can look at and recognize as one! Rudi: Technically??? I guess? Dawud: You’re lucky, cause you also happen to have a ute- where the fuck is the blood coming out of if your human form has a dick??!! Kino: Don’t ask questions you’re not ready to hear the answer.

Well, this was a big shock for Kino. They couldn’t explain it, but it made so much sense for them. They wanted to be a woman, just like any other human woman, and they wanted to love other women. A whole new world had just opened to them!

Prev - Next

[aletheapierce]

september 23rd 2022: campus time capsule submission

it seemed so silly. a time capsule? in this climate? with everything going on not just at ogden but in the world? aleteha didn’t really see the point of it, but still, she decided to bite. moving to set up their phone on their desk, alethea hit record before sitting back. she stared at her reflection, moving her hair from behind her shoulders to cover them, shifting to find the perfect light, anything to distort the face staring at her. it never seemed enough. 

she had thought about just sending a video of a solo, her own rendition of myrtha, or giselle, but figured this would surely be less embarrassing than some silly little dance.

“uhm, hello.” they smiled with a small wave, visibly uncomfortable in front of the camera. “my name is alethea. the name for ‘truth’ in ancient greek which...” she let her words fade out, nothing really felt like truth. not now, not ever really. nice one mom. “i guess it’s time to live into that namesake isn’t it?” the words dripped out slowly, sadly, and she caught herself. she could edit all of this out as she bit her lip and glanced away before clearing her throat, placing the mask on that she had been trained into her whole life. sit pretty, smile wide, nod frequently, be engaged. it was exhausting, but it worked.

“hi ogden! my name is alethea, which means ‘truth’ in ancient greek. but that’s beside the point. i’m supposed to tell you a bit about life 50 years ago i suppose?” she shrugged, offering a kind smile as she tried to shoulder on. “uh, i’m not sure what life is like these days for you. but now it’s...hard. and easy. this weird dynamic of watching the world on the brink of falling apart, and having so much going on in your own life and like...you still have to take exams. and you still live down the halls from really cool and amazing people and...” how was she to explain the world as it was? to explain ogden? “not sure if you’re looking advice, though i’m certainly not the person to take it from. or if you’re looking for a sneak peak into the average day of an ogden student which...i may not be qualified for either.” her lips twisted in a curious and goofy sort of smile as she shrugged. why would ogden want to remember now? 

“but i suppose i’ll say three things about life right now. maybe it’s advice, maybe it’s a memory for your parents and grandparents.” her hands moved from her lap to rest on the desk now as she stared at the camera. “one, everyone you encounter has so much more going on under the surface. be careful, be kind, and maybe spend some time exploring what’s there. then maybe they won’t surprise you in ugly ways.” now her left hand wrapped around her pointer finger as she counted everything off. “two, ogden is just a school at the end of the day. don’t let it break your soul or command who you are.” if only she could follow that advice. “and three, there is probably few chances in your life to discover who you are, and this place can be one of them. do it. without fear. follow your own desires, skip class, go out with friends, i don’t know just...be a person. even if ogden doesn’t want you to be, even if others don’t like it.” god if only she could do just that, just get out of their head long enough to breathe. with a now shaking voice, alethea offered another smile, this one significantly less vibrant than the first. “oh! and uh, continue to invest in the environment. i hope you all have it much more figured out than we do.” with a light giggle she reached forward to end the recording.

their smile faded as they sat back, arms now crossed tightly over their chest as they gazed away from the camera. what could they offer in fifty years when they couldn’t offer much of anything now? but by this time tomorrow they would have edited the video and submitted it just as they would have been told, sewing yet another false alethea to be remembered.