#my default is asking about shool/homework or and event that theyve mentioned previously
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me and my brother arguing over who talks to people less like its something to be proud of
#i think its me bc a. he has a lot of online friends and even not counting them he has told me that he actively goes out of his way to talk#to people and make friends with people in his grade and when he thinks someone has a similar interest to him he tests the waters talking to#them which like good for him!#and b. i dont go out of my way to talk to people i dont know and like even then with people i know i will just stand in awkward silence#until they say something or until i finally think of something appropriate to say#my default is asking about shool/homework or and event that theyve mentioned previously#and most of the things that i know and stories that i share about my coworkers are just what ive absorbed for listening#from being in the room when other people are talking and learning from their conversation#and i realized maybe my brother doesnt know that and he thinks i learned all of it through conversation myself#but like no i literally stand in that room and do my thing and dont talk unless specifically spoken too for however long#until its just me and someone im somewhat comfortable in the room and then i awkwardly try to start talking to them#but i think people have noticed im good at listening and will often just tell me stuff even if i dont have much to say in response#why this (whose “shyer”) matters?#it really doesnt and i probably need to learn to accept that my brother feels how he does without invalidating me#but its just like i always feel like hes better than me so its like how dare he come in and take my key trait from me#it more so bothers me how i wouldnt be comparing it if he didnt directly say he thinks he talks to less people than me#like everything is a comparison with him and fsr in my mind instead of thinking of being like well we can both not talk to alot of people#i had to stand my ground and be like no you#rant#please ignore#(why are you posting it on the internet if you want it ignored? IDK)
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