#my entire group is first years
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The Eye Lady hates Group Work (w/Freshers)
Gonna bloody scream my film group forgot to slate half their damn shots so im doing a lot of it by ear aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Also I lost the video files momentarily this is bloody horrid aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
#dexter kronos/eye lady updates#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#my entire group is first years#i am so tired#please why did i get put as editor#i should have been there on the day#gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
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LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO
#i have been a Yes fan since the Ladder came out in 1999#for twenty-six slutty slutty years#my ENTIRE adult life plus a good portion of my childhood#and this will be my first time. seeing them 🥺#i mean its lowkey just Steve and Some Dudes but i dont care!! thats 90% of classic rock groups at this point lol#Yes Band#music#prog rock
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What if I wanna invite my friends fron different parts if the timeline out for ice cream?? What're the time demons gonna do then?? Snatch me???
#I wanna go out for ice cream with everyone from when I was younger#I wanna eat ice cream with my entire third grade class#I miss them and haven't seen them since that day I moved schools#I still have all the letters they made me and I still remember that dumb dance they did telling me they'd miss me that made me hide behind#My math teachers desk because I was embarrassed#What if I wanna eat ice cream with Hei Hei from when we were in 5th grade??#What if I wanna go out to eat with her and her grandparents one more time before senior year??#What if I miss the talks we had all the time and I just wanna go back to her house where her mom makes us both mickey mouse pancakes and we#Talk all night#What if I wanna see raine from 6th grade just one more time#I miss her#I wanna eat ice cream with her#But I never got to#What if I wanna her her young voice and see her in person just once more. I wanna see her before she left. Before all we could to is text.#I think her phone number changed now#But I wanna see her practice guitar while I get us some ice cream. I wanna see her practicing the gravity falls theme. She sent me the#Finished product once#But it's lost and I can't get it back.#What if I wanna have fun with K and J one more time before they made me cry? Before they separated everyone? What if I miss the younger the#What if I just wanna see them once more??#What if I wanna see KK in 4th grade again. Not with Raine#I don't wanna see that...#I wanna see their smile and I wanna see the way they got happy every time we all hung out?#What if I wanna see them again?#What if I wanna take out my very first friend group#The one I called home#We had games#We tried to climb that tree on the playground#We pretended to be animals. We acted as family. We gave ourselves a name... JACKS. All of our initials put together#I wanna see them smiling again
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First day back at the university and I still suck at this exactly as much as I did 4 years ago
#i wish doing something over and over actually made it easier from then on#how come i've done this so many times and i'm still as horrified by the prospect of group projects and exams and all as in the very start#can they invent a higher education that doesn't require you to prepare a group project for every damn subject that exists#can they also invent an intercating with people#in a way that doesn't leave me feeling like the only person on earth who somehow doesn't get it#how do people just start talking and becoming friends :( it's literally impossible for me#it's such a mystery. how the hell do they all do this. what's your fucking secret !!!!!!!!!#not that i expected to become friends with anyone in one day#but one day was already enough for me to start feeling as alienated and othered from everyone else as i've always felt#like god it's always the same damn thing. each year i hope it'll be different and it's still the fucking same#i try to appear nice and approachable and chime in to the conversation whenever i can (just like i've been doing for the past 4 years)#but i guess there must just be something deeply wrong with me that makes everyone avoid me in the end anyway#am i really that unfriendable. can anyone tell me what i'm doing wrong#and why no one is interested in holding a conversation with me for more than 5 minutes in total#it's literally back to the same thing that i've done over and over before and i truly don't see any point in any of this anymore#it's just so ridiculous 😭😭😭 why do i even keep trying at this point#back to school so back to crying alone in my room every evening i guess#how beautiful how poetic. i almost forgot this was the daily standard for the entire past year#never getting out of this ok i get it :))#friendship was meant to be for everyone but me i get it now!!!#worst year ever everything bad is happening. going to my first funeral on thursday i'm definitely going to take that well hahaha#it's been only a day and i'm already so done. ok.#i'm freaking out man what am i even supposed to be doing anymore. it's all pointless
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Eye Lady is ADHD-ing (Part 1/?)
Not me recreating my pinned post to delay my uni work (I despise how this particular film camera saved our film and thinking about editing the footage makes me want to cry of boredom).
I just wanna draw Simone man why can't the Web leave me alone😭😭😭
#dexter kronos/eye lady updates#help im so bored#uni life (in the worst way)#not even the rain can save me#screaming in boredom#animation student#film electives (university)#my entire group is first years#they barely know what they're doing#I barely know what I'm doing#this is not a good combo
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having a whole reddit am i the asshole moment
#posing the question to myself#should you quit a dnd campaign that you've only done one session of#just because the dm did a thing that made you a wee bit uncomfortable?#like. in the whole year and a half that ive played my main campaign with my other group i have never once been made to feel uncomfortable#but somehow this other guy manages it one session in#was it probably overkill to eldritch blast the offending npc over it? maybe (it hardly did any damage and there was no fallout)#but the more i think about the situation the more im like. i feel entirely justified#and also when we went over lines and veils i gave my one hard no and it was kind of like well its not NOT gonna happen BUT...#maybe that was the first red flag lol#..........anyway#personal
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OC RNG stuff.
-Lucinda is engaged to the oldest prince in a family of nine where there are 8 brothers and then the youngest is the only girl. She adores her future husband. -Ink Blot is a really dumb mage who acts as a street performer using fake magic despite being an actual mage. He just wants to be the center of attention. -Ruby and Luce are from the same plot (thank you RNG I love the dream wardens). They're part of different pairs and basically just patrol to keep dreams in check. Ruby and Luce also don't really meet each other in canon. Their routes don't overlap but they both interact with the main duo which is Colette and Marcus. (Ruby wants to beat Marcus up while Luce wants to kiss Marcus for what it matters.)
#i really love luce hes just so calm and collected in front of marcus and colette to try and look reliable#but hes actually one of the younger wardens who is made to replace his partner's old partner#so hes with sil and sil is just watching him for the first decade like why is he so awkward#when will he warm up to me or the other wardens he meets why is he always so tense#and then something happens and luce is sent into a panic because he learns that marcus used to laugh with sil and the retired warden#hes like ???? WHY DOES HE HATE ME ? WHAT DID I DO? and sil is like the guy is older than me and doesnt do change well#thats all there is to it he got used to my old partner and youre a wrench in the comfort zone hell get over it tho#and when marcus laughs for the first time in front of luce it is SO over for luce he would do anything for marcus#but then you get marcus who is telling colette i have to say things took an unexpected turn with sils partner#i went from fine with robert to being abandoned by robert to do you think luce is cute cause i think hes cute#and marcus is very much IM SO GAY which is fair cause colette is like MM YEAH SAME#and then you guys gotta realize i love my silly lil prince group where the oldest bro has a really cool future wife#and then the second oldest is like hey bro im stealing your wife for the afternoon and lucinda is like i see i see#and then the second oldest and lucinda just spend the entire afternoon dancing and shes happy to indulge him#then the third oldest is the original main one where he and the castle witch are on a mission to help another kingdom#but like the fact the oldest has an arranged marriage with a woman he loves#and the second youngest is in love with the son of two castle aids#who happens to be 40 and very worn out with stress from having to turn the second oldest down all the time#then the third oldest has a crush on a prince from the kingdom hes trying to help but the crush is on like an 18 year old#so the 2nd and 3rd oldest are constantly bickering over what the other sees in their crushes#anyway hi i love my ocs (gestures to them)#and ink was a really minor character in the plot bc it was mostly me paying attention to a dumbass vampire#and this thief who had to help the dumb vampire get home bc he has no sense of direction and had been abducted
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TW: 200th rant about the stupid "HP fans are all complicit in antisemitism and transphobia" discourse, brought to you by my OCD-induced suicidality.
I've by now become so wary of trans people and enbies on social media, especially Jewish ones. I'm like "this person is GOING to be on their Harry Potter bullshit and trigger the hell out of my OCD" and my hackles go up automatically. Then my OCD goes "haha you hate them because they're Jewish and/or trans, you're an antisemitic transphobe so they're clearly right about people who defend HP! SUFFER bitch!" Cue hell loop until my brain is flayed over anything nobody actually even said or did.
I don't even LIKE HP that much anymore, why is wanting to stop having PTSD episodes about stupid shit the thing that also dropkicks me down seven circles of hell??? It's made all the so-called "leftist" enclaves of the internet a minefield. Why are people with OCD everyone's favourite collateral when it comes to stuff shitty rich assholes do? Is it so fucking hard to stop making up thought crimes to attack people over??
It's an extra layer of horrible when the same people have no problems applying "no ethical consumption under capitalism" to stuff like Coca Cola and Nestlé products. Y'all can't possibly live without child slavery chocolate or making brown people drink Nestlé's toxic filth or anything that's subjecting Indigenous communities and people in entire Global South continents to long, lingering, horrible deaths, but this one franchise whose author royalties are funding the UK transphobic lobby is the one line that matters. Fuck all the trans people in those places I guess. Every single Global North consumer moral policing is western leftists's dehumanization of our people writ large. Fuck all of you.
#yeah i know i keep bringing this up. that's the nature of OCD#and the sheer prevalence of this rhetoric and the lack of opposition to it#sometimes it's like Im the only one speaking out#and it's because my fight and flight response is set to fight and I can't disengage#not because Im brave or something#in order to avenge the UK's trans genocide it's people like me all over the world#who can't even afford books and games#that need to be killed off first#when you're triggered into suicidality over and over because of your love for a book#that helped your child mind escape while cowering from the adults in your life#even without having paid money for anything HP related in years#how exactly are you supposed to rise above that#i've systematically lost my entire friend group to this clown circus this year#because apparently ''this thing you're doing is ableist and also making me suicidal'' is just me being lost in the fandom sauce#and not caring enough about real issues#it's no use singling out the western left anymore bc USAmerican internet hegemony means even my people take their political cues frm them#''you're being influenced by western imperialism'' went down about as well#as did ''if my wellbeing is not enough for you I literally know trans HP fans wth OCD who are suffering even worse than me''#harry potter#knee of huss#scrupulousity#pure ocd#actually ocd#western leftists#white queers
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hbomberguy’s rwby video has me feeling very good about my own writing after a few weeks of feeling…meh. at least i’m comprehending why i like my inspirations & don’t just copy paste the visuals without knowing what any of it means. at least i know not to have two characters from the same family explaining their shared culture to each other for the benefit of the audience. hello??
#for now anyway….#i was feeling weird introducing so many arthurian characters so quickly#at least i didn’t waste an entire creative teams time on this bunny girl who got no screen time#spitting on monty oum’s memory i stg#also i’m allowed to criticize it bc i tried watching rwby when it came out & the first ‘volume’ was so horrendous i stopped#the comparisons to avatar are shocking#like before even watching my partner said it was good & i’d like the video#& i called it ‘miles & kerry don’t know WHY they like their inspirations’ how did i fucking know#this was a huge problem in some writing groups a few years ago#people copying other stories they liked but not comprehending the themes & why it resonates#which is fine! we all learn somewhere!#but it pisses me off these people have huge budgets & exploit their workers & their end product is shite like#am i crazy why does this keep happening how are there so many seasons#anyway rant over#my post
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fingers crossed i can write the entire chapter tommorow
#the last one…… and then methodology but it should be short#and then on sunday i’ll add janion to the eastern other chapter plus write intro/ending#and i’ll send it#and then monday we have the interview#and i’ll try to maybe convince my group we only need the one#which isn’t exactly true but the idea of sending the finished thing saturday stresses me out#bc if we don’t get the grade right away it will fuck my entire summer up#esp since idk how long it’ll take for the system to actually close my year and then i’ll have to contact the school#and idk how fast they will add me to the thesis system#and idk to have the defense on the last day possible ughhhh#whatever. finish writing this first#and you can worry abt the last grade next week#oh and send the email ughhhhhhh#maybe tomorrow……………. i hate emails……#📓
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everyone in the notes of that post about team flash being shit at PE being like "babes same" is so relatable lmaoo i too was bad at PE. the one time in my life that i ever caused "trouble" at school was when we did trampolining and i point blank refused to participate. i was like you think im getting up there IN FRONT OF A WHOLE CLASS AND DOING THAT?? no. not having it. the teacher was mega confused because trampolining was supposed to be the most fun module that everyone wanted to do and i was like "this is abject humiliation even greater than that of normal PE and i will not even do it at gunpoint." they called my mum and everything. like it's TRAMPOLINING. please. are you really gonna make me do it
spoiler alert: they did make me do it for a week or two and then i attempted a front drop and fucked it up so bad that the teacher thought i'd injured my spine, she was absolutely bricking it. did i play up my "injury" somewhat? you bet your boots i did. anyway after that i think she saw my point that no one with my poor level of coordination has any business being on a trampoline so she started mysteriously not noticing whenever i skipped my go. and i never had to do it again <3 anyways. tumblr friend bonding over hatred of physical activity
#i say this having just come back from the gym but that is a voluntary activity. and there were no trampolines involved#actually in a similar vein the one time i skived off class in high school i ended up skipping 5 in one go. literally an entire school day#because my whole year group was gonna be on TV for some reason and i was like absolutely the fuck not so i binned the permission slip#didnt even let my mum know about it cos she'd have made me do it#anyways all the other kids WANTED to be on TV#literally no one else refused so it didnt even occur to them to arrange cover. i went to my first lesson and the teacher never showed#so i spent the whole day wandering around the school like 🤷♀️#high school was largely just me being mortified and refusing to join in with activities that were considered fun and rewarding by other ppl
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Hey! If you get this, answer with your top 5 music artists and send it to the last 7 people in your notifications 💜
Oof that’s a tough one bcs I jump between artists a lot and a ton of my faves just dropped albums but I got this. I can do this. These are basically my faves at the moment. It seriously changes all the time. The only constant is My Chem.
1) My Chemical Romance
2) Seventeen
3) Ateez
4) Tomorrow x Together (TXT)
5) Xikers
#personal#ask game#harrgrove asks and I answer.#I panicked for a second bcs my music has changed a lot over the years. I’m a huge K-pop fan now but I was big into alt music before.#(I still am. just not as up to date or actively keeping up)#MCR was my first big music love tho and probably always will be.#they’re like a favourite blanket. I can always go back to their music.#the other 4 are K-pop groups. not gonna lie. there music is who I have on rotation the most currently.#but also I love all five groups entire discography. obviously there’s some songs I like less…#but overall I will listen to all 5 groups discographies front and back with an arguement.#without an argument*#obviously the order is kinda subjective for the last 4. but MCR is always number 1 to me.
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and as much as i love it when random happenings turn into important bonds i think its equally as beautiful when u have some random interaction with someone and it deeply impacts u and then u never see or hear of them again. like wow we know nothing abt each other and yet u still managed to be a key memory in my life how cool is that!!!!!!
#GAY COWBOY FROM PRIDE 2019!!!!! CHARLES FROM THE RENFAIRE WHO MY FRIEND ACTUALLY BUMPED INTO AGAIN THIS YEAR!!!!!!! I STILL THINK OF U!!!!!!#the group of ppl i played pokemon go with when it first came out. when we ran around the whole town looking for the ponyta someone spotted#it was literally only that one day for a few hours and then i never saw most of them again and those i saw around i never rly spoke to again#even though it was such a small town#the one guy who i remember most bc he was so boisterous and fun and loud who was a graduating senior while i was going into freshman year#i actually saw again a couple years later as his friend was driving and he stuck out the car window shouting I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU ALL#down the entire street#apparently hes one of my friends best friends ex boyfriend but my interactions w him were only limited to that#all these ppl who i dont know i cherish them deeply#to me these kinds of intersections with random ppl at random times are rly just as precious as lifelong friendships. just in different ways#i can only hope that ive affected ppl randomly in the same way that is my one wish#GOD!!! THERE IS SO MUCH LOVE AND JOY IN THIS WORLD!!!!!! SO MUCH TIME FOR SO MANY GOOD THINGS!!!!!
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Universities love to create timetables that suck 😔
#this is lighthearted cus i don't have my full timetable yet i just know when my lectures are#but wow my mondays suck#lectures 10-11 2-3 and 5-6#with the possibility of having a seminar in one of the gaps somewhere#only other lecture i have is tuesday 10-12#nothing on wednesdays (for first sem) and the rest of the week is spent in various seminars and tutorials#i won't know when seminars and tutorials are until i've completed registration and i'm randomly assigned to a group#i enjoy complaining on tumblr dot com but i'm actually so excited for this year#if i get the linguistics modules i want it'll be 5 classes in sem 1 and 4 in sem 2#cus my 3 compulsory french modules last the whole year so 2 ling modules sem 1 and 1 sem 2#french language is done entirely in seminars (2hr grammar/written and 1hr oral per week)#then i also have identity in modern france and french cultural studies - those are 2 of my 3 monday lectures#life will be very busy but hopefully very good :)#ellis exclaims
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My favorite type of family members are just those random friends who get claimed by someone and then stick around long enough to be considered children, siblings, aunts/uncles, grandparents....
#I have an uncle who was just my dad/his sibling's friend until my great grandmother said she would be his grandma as well (he never had)#and he got so integrated into the family that my grandparents call him their son#my dad refers to him as his brother sometimes#and my#entire generation group calls him uncle. like that's insane to me in the best possible way#hes just some guy who moved here and over 40 years had 20 people from the same family adopt him over and over again#hes come to most holidays. funerals. weddings.#he taught two of my cousins how to drive trailers. we used to take trips to Portland alll the time together and just wander#he took me to get my first driver's license!#during our birthdays hed always take us to do these fun elaborate things and it was so fun!!!#like that's just so neat to me. i hope one day just to be some guy to a bunch of random people just cause u kno?
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Do you have OCs you want to talk about? Could I convince you to talk about them?
I DO!!! i will b discussing these two in particular (atticus and theodore respectively) bc i have not really had a chance to and i love toxic doomed yaoi <33333 (yes the most recent images i have for them are. marketable plushies. i swear they're serious characters.)
for some context: atticus is fae, theodore is human. faes have a naturally longer lifespan than most species, with every 1 year for faes being 100 years for humans.
so!!! their story starts in the like, late 1800s. the two of them are street kids, taking up random side jobs just to get by. during a job atticus took up and had theodore tag along to, something goes wrong, ending in theodore's death. atticus blames himself for theodore's death, due to being the one to have asked him to come with. before theodore's death, hex was an optimistic, outgoing person, always willing to lend a hand to humans, as hex felt like he had a lot of advantages they didn't, and it was only logical that hex would lend a hand to the less fortunate. this all changed after theodore's death. fae became reclusive, distrusting of humans and cursing them for being so stupid and uncaring towards their fragile lives. theodore had been his first friend in centuries, and they took that from him. he began delving into necromancy in order to bring theodore back, digging himself deeper and deeper into dangerous methods, as none of the "normal" ways were giving him any results. hex couldn't even feel theodore's spirit in the sea of souls. he had to dig deeper.
little did he know that the reason he could never find theodore is because theodore never left. maybe atticus' determination is what kept him around. maybe his own unresolved feelings for atticus kept him from moving on. unfinished business and all that, yeah? whatever the reason was, theodore's soul never left earth. as atticus further pushed himself into solitude, desperate for a method to bring his friend back, theodore was left to wander the earth alone for over 200 years. there's a reason ghosts aren't meant to stay, though. time stands still in the sea of souls. your being and mind is essentially frozen in the moment you died. on earth, though? there's nearly no preservation. your body and mind still age, although far more slowly, and most importantly, your mind keeps making memories. a human mind can't retain over 200 years of knowledge. it's just not meant for that. so, as time passes, theodore forgets. he remembers brief flashes of his living self. he remembers he was alone, until he wasn't, until he was again. he remembers someone held his hand when he died. it didn't hurt as much when they held his hand. maybe that's just his mind playing tricks on him. making his death feel not as bad as it probably was.
by the time everything aligns for them to meet again, atticus has allied himself with the story's main villains because they promised him the money and resources to fund his research, while theodore has joined the main cast/protagonists, unbeknownst to atticus.
#muse talk#ivy-meshie#star kids#oc: theodore (he/him)#oc: atticus (he/hex/fae)#hi. can u tell im ill about them#they r. my darlingest children#atticus was SUCH a late entry into this oc group. and yet. he so quickly became one of my favorites#also. very important to me. they switch personalities entirely#theodore was very pessimistic and distrusting. for lack of a better term#he didn't think anything good could come from humanity as all he ever saw was the worst of it#his 200 years wandering changed things. he saw the good and the bad. and how no matter what happened. the good pressed forward#they are at total opposite spots from where they first started. and yet. they haven't moved at all.
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