#my meta thoughts and musings

[angrybubbles]

I think one of my favorite parts of Devil's Minion is that their flaws really suit each other to a degree.

Daniel is harshly blunt. He speaks deliberately and without any fanfare, and you know exactly what he means as he says it. Even when he's insulting you, and especially when he's angry, his bluntness is front-and-center. This is probably why he's been divorced twice, because this kind of behavior is cute and refreshing at first, until he starts laying out the problems with you.

Armand needs that kind of bold speech. That man could overthink himself out of how to tie shoelaces on a bad day, and part of his difficulty with Louis in the show is insecurity and doubt. With Daniel, he knows exactly where he stands, which is probably why he would take some of Daniel's worst moments as truth. Armand has the consciousness to know he's capable of some heinous shit, and doesn't really take part in guilt on it too much, so he's uniquely suited to handling insults being thrown at him.

And Armand is all about subtly. He'll lie and soothe; talk around something or simply avoid it physically. Not to mention the hall of mirrors that exists in his mind and memories. He masks to suit what is expected of him in order to fit a role, but it is just a mask, so it doesn't feel genuine to those looking for a deep connection. And it's up to his perception of reality to figure out which mask he needs.

Which Daniel, solver of puzzles and professional snoop, is never going to be bored with it. What is Armand doing today? Why is he acting this way? The process of finding out is how Daniel makes emotional connections, and every day or week with Armand would be a new task. The truth of Armand is a process of collaborative discovery, and Daniel not only thrives on challenge, but also on mystery.

Idk, I just think it's neat. Obviously they still step on each other's toes, and the growing pains are uh, flammatory, but they still are uniquely suited to handling bad days with each other, as long as they aren't having a bad day on the same day (cue horrible fight and another chase across the globe because they love each other anyway)

[physical-manifestation-of-spite]

I keep thinking about Arthur's regression at the end of Season 2 and then into Season 3. I keep thinking about how victims of trauma tend to get worse once they escape their traumatic situation. How their body and mind start to crack and shake under the weight of the horrors, now safe enough to escape the survivorship mindset but now forced to endure the fallout.

I keep thinking of how hard Faroe's death hit Arthur. How his guilt and grief were so intense that he wanted to kill himself, so low that he drank himself into a stupor for who knows how many years to just dull the pain. I keep imagining how hard it was to pull himself out of that, to work with Parker and find a new meaning in life, to walk away from his guilt of killing his daughter, and instead to help people.

(I keep thinking of how Arthur finds a vial of alcohol in the Dreamlands. How he sniffs it and recoils in disgust.)

I keep thinking of how long it took for Arthur to build himself back up from his lowest point, to tuck the guilt of Faroe in the deepest corner of his mind just so that he has enough room to breathe, to live, to be a better person. (And yet, Faroe is every facet of his life. It's his first memory in Season One, when he plays Faroe's Song, when he doesn't even remember his own name. It's the last name on his lips when he dies on that boat. It's his only memory when John is torn away from him.) I keep thinking about how Arthur is consciously repressing her every second of every day just so that he can keep going.

And then John pushes, and asks, and asks again. And finally, after almost dying twice with this entity, after surviving time and time again, he thinks he can trust him. He thinks he can share his deepest secret, to pull open the wound he keeps stitching over to protect himself. How he risks feeling the grief he's suppressed for years to trust someone. I keep thinking how John seizes it and, because he is ancient and young and inexperienced, childlike in his tantrums and his fears of responsibility and consequence, he uses it as a weapon the moment he's backed into a corner. I keep thinking of how not only the trust is torn away from Arthur, but how his wound is stretched and torn, and not only does his guilt and grief come back, but it's like a tidal wave that he cannot suppress this time. He's opened that wound and John has pried it wider, and now Arthur can't shut it. He survives in those pits, but she is all he thinks of. He escapes those pits, and ("Goodbye, Faroe.") she is all he thinks of. He slits his throat and she's all he thinks of.

He enters at icy cabin (a small gurgle, a bundle of blankets in his arm, a warm hum rumbling in his chest as he lulls his whole World to sleep) and he thinks of her to keep going.

And then Yellow enters, a blank slate, a John before he was John, and the pain is too fresh. This is the thing that tortured him. This is the thing that starved him. This is the thing who asked who his daughter was, and when he told him, the thing called him a killer. John and Yellow and the King are all the same in that moment, and Arthur's too fucked up and traumatized to separate them tangibly, as much as he insists that he can. His hatred grows and grows, all from himself, until it bleeds into Yellow, and he remakes this entity in his image, in his self-pitying hatred.

So when Yellow finally calls him a monster (and Arthur knows, he's called himself that the moment he saw the water spill from the bathtub onto the tile below), Arthur holds it close to his chest, and becomes it.

[tinystepsforward]

i see matt posted again

[walkingstackofbooks]

I wanna talk about If Wishes Were Horses and Julian's deal with fake Jadzia because I was watching it, and like... half of the "fantasies" that came to life were just as much nightmares as anything. And the whole episode hinged on the existential threat being absolutely created out of their own fears.

So while, yes, I do think Jadzia's initial appearance was due to Julian's genuine fantasies, I kind of feel like all her subsequent actions once he realises what's going on are caused by his dread of how she might behave and embarrass him in front of the others?

And then of course there's the scene where she's very badly injured, which has got to be caused by Julian's fear, right? I mean, I can imagine him having a secret fantasy where she gets hurt and he manages to save her, but from his reaction it's clear he's really scared he's going to lose her.

(Also before that, fake Dax called him out on being worried, which he admitted to, and then asked him "Hold me, please", which I'm definitely taking as Julian's desire to be held in what is potentially their last few minutes manifesting.)

[lingeringscars]

shauna covering ben's face let's go. i need to hold this scene under a microscope and i think when i rewatch the entire show, i'll have more to say about it even. but for right now: there is sooo much going on in this scene. and i think it is also what made it extremely clear that shauna is the standout muse wise because this is a scene that would be so loud for nat usually, and yet here i am only able to think about shuana.

this was a punishment. it was a clear way to enforce her power (have not stopped thinking about that laugh before she tells them what nat is going to do. i have chills. sophies when you get your dual emmys i am seated). this is shauna's first ruling when she has power, and she finally has the chance to make someone feel what she does. she knows that this is the perfect punishment because it was what she has been dealing with alone for so long now. she dealt with javi alone, and now nat is going to have to handle this, but she does not need to be alone.

ngl i am kinda tired personally of everything shauna does being through this frame of she's evil and manipulative. she is manipulative, but that does not mean she can't actually be genuine, either. she's still a teenage girl and these are still her friends. she can be doing something to enforce her power AND because she genuinely cares, and i think this scene is so indicative of both of these things at once. she holds the power here. she knows what she's doing. she can do this, but now she is forcing nat into this role.

shauna closed her eyes before nat turned around to say you have to look me in the eye. shauna covered her face with javi. she can't allow nat to cover hers because this is her punishment, but she can cover bens. and this moment is an act of love, an act of compassion, and an act of power. it draws attention to his face in a way that might not have been there (but probably was), and it makes so much sense that his head is on display after this, too. she needs to cover up that act of love and compassion to reinstate that she is in charge and took it from nat.

but anyway, in one moment, she draws attention to exactly what is happening. she covers his face, but she makes it clear who it is and why nat is doing this. AND she makes it so nat doesn't have to see him and can still disassociate. and then she is going to talk her through it, and she'll say it's because it needs to be done right, but it is also so that nat does not have to be alone in this. so they can share this. they are in this together now, and she is not the only one that has to bear witness to this act. it's the only way she can allow herself to personally stand with and beside nat because in every other instance, they have to be on opposite sides for shauna to fully grasp this power coup.

[aishitara]

sitting around thinking about the whole "rage is fuel" thing, and how yeah that's true but sometimes it can burn too hot and it hollows you out until that's all that's left inside you. and like. how men are taught to handle their anger. how it's one of the only emotions they're allowed to feel. and of course how all of that pertains to my favorite bb girl of all time, dean winchester.

i loved episodes in the later seasons where dean was starting to grapple with his anger. episodes where he had so much it just came spilling out onto everyone he cared about, episodes where he turned it on himself with scalpel-like precision. and in the end, how cas's opinion of him was so profoundly important to dean that it completely changed the way dean saw himself. what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and like! there are still people out there? who don't?? get it?????? HOW????????

dean i-am-only-fueled-by-anger winchester taught cas how to love people and cas turned around and said "love yourself"???????!!?!?!?!!?

get wrecked, son.

[polaritydisturbed]

“So, Doctor, when you regenerate… what’s it like?”

(This was just something rattling around in my head that I needed to get out—my take on what regeneration might feel like from the Doctor’s perspective. Not tied to any particular Doctor, so just imagine it in the voice of your favorite. It’s a bit introspective, a bit poetic, because let’s be honest—regenerating into an entirely new person has to be weird as hell.)

“So, Doctor, when you regenerate… what’s it like?”

“Well, it starts painfully—almost always. Whatever ended me, whatever pushed me so close to death, Usually hurt . A lot. Some deaths are quick, brutal, over before I even realize what’s happening. Others are slow, creeping in like a tide that never quite recedes, every part of me unraveling thread by thread.

But when it’s old age that takes me, it’s different. Less agony, more… weariness. A dull, inevitable failing of everything inside me, like time itself is pulling me apart.

And then, it starts.

For a fleeting moment, I feel incredible. More than incredible— unstoppable . Every cell in my body surges with energy, more alive than ever before. But then the fire comes. Not just heat, but something deeper, something woven into my very essence. It’s like pins and needles—only they’ve been dipped in napalm and set alight. My body is desperate to change, to remake itself, and holding back, even for a second, feels wrong—like trying to hold in a breath that’s already run out. Every cell strains, burning with the need to become something new.

And then—release. A supernova of self. Golden light, burning outward, shedding everything I was in a single, violent burst.

I couldn’t tell you how that part feels . My nerves are being rewritten, so there’s nothing to feel. Just a void, a numbness. For a few seconds, I’m not anything at all.

Then I take a breath.

And everything is different .

Not wrong. Just… foreign.

The air tastes unfamiliar, like the atmosphere has shifted in some imperceptible way. The clothes on my back, ones I’ve worn a thousand times, feel stiff and new, as if they don’t quite belong to me anymore. My nerves tingle, hyper-aware of every sensation, as if experiencing the world for the first time. My limbs feel too long, too short, too heavy, too light—disjointed, uncertain, they respond a fraction too soon or too late, unfamiliar with their own weight. 

And then I hear it—my voice.

Inside my head, it still sounds like me, the me from before. But what escapes my lips? Different. Strange. It takes time to reconcile, for the sound to settle, for my mind to catch up to my mouth. And in that gap, sometimes… I forget. Who I was, who I am. A fog rolls in, thick and impenetrable, and I have to claw my way through it.

And then comes the part that unsettles me most.

The things I once loved—the tastes, the textures, the songs that used to bring comfort—they don’t resonate the same way. A favorite drink is no longer soothing. A melody I once hummed absentmindedly feels distant, like a memory just out of reach. I know these things should bring me joy. I remember the feeling they once gave me. But suddenly… they don’t.

And that’s terrifying.

Because when you’re scared, you reach for comfort. A favorite food, a familiar song, a warm coat that once fit just right. But what happens when nothing feels the same? When the things that made you you are just echoes of sensation, hollow and unfamiliar?

I have to start over. I have to learn myself again—what flavors bring pleasure, what sounds bring peace, what fabrics drape comfortably over this new skin. And discovering that can be thrilling , exhilarating even.

But in those first moments—when I’m standing in the wreckage of who I was, and I don’t yet know who I’ll be—

Hard to feel like me. That comes with time. But beneath it all—the fire, the forgetting, the shifting weight of a self in transition—something endures. A pulse, steady and unyielding, thrumming beneath every change.

A drive to seek, to shield, to stand when others fall. To mend what is broken, to challenge the darkness, to hold onto wonder even when the universe feels vast and indifferent.

It takes new shapes, new voices, new hands—but it never vanishes. It is the force that moves me forward when everything else is uncertain. When memories blur and familiarity crumbles, that part of me remains, burning steady in the chaos.

So even when I stand on unsteady ground, uncertain of the face in the mirror, I am never truly lost. Because I am not just a collection of features, not just a voice still strange to my own ears.

I am the choices I make. The hands I grasp. The light I refuse to let go out.

And no matter how many times I begin again, I will always find my way.”

[glambytes]

{{ • So... I've been watching a friend of mine play Sot.M and I'm thinking that, with the exception of a couple of unanswered asks + a small handful of threads, I'm going to clear out my 17+ drafts (and drop some threads) for a clean slate!

Currently debating on whether to archive/move to a new F.NAF multi or clean this one before coming back for real. In addition, I'll be moving Daisy to her own OC blog (tba) since I'd like to keep this one canon-character-adjacent.

Can't guarantee that I'll be particularly fast as getting things set up, but I do miss this side of the RPC :")

[dangaer]

big apologies to this blog for coming a little bare as blonde gach.a men (+child.e) take over the brain. my otom.e characters are not forgotten and I will probably find something to post about tonight! 💖

[angrybubbles]

If there is one thing I feel that is important when it comes to the future of Devils Minion and how the turning can be adapted is that one important thread from the books stays true.

That Armand turns Daniel because he is faced with the unignorable reality that he doesn't want to live in a world without Daniel in it.

And it is a surprise to him. He's shocked that it is true.

The writers have shown to be incredible with their layers of nuance when it comes to every scene, so obviously there can be a lot more that is true.

Maybe it is a little bit about Louis. Maybe it is a little bit about spite. Maybe it's in desperation, or maybe it was more calm and calculated. Maybe it took a while and they talked before-hand, or maybe it happened in that penthouse.

It could be anything. Writing is beautiful that way.

But the foundation for the turning is just that one truly surprising and selfish thought for Armand. That Armand cannot and does not want to live when Daniel doesn't, and he'd even break his boundary to let it happen.

[relicsongmel]

Reblog if you love this girl ❤️

[ikkaku-of-heart]

Ship Bias

(PLEASE keep in mind that just because I have a bias doesn't mean I will expect it of you if you write a particular muse. These are just biases and cliff notes explanations as to why, but I mostly ship with chemistry, so I would rather it happen organically or at least after some discussion between us).

Killer: My OG Ikkaku ship. Not only can I see them bonding over their captains' antics, but the idea that, as some of the more level-headed members of their crews, they would gravitate towards each other to actually parlay while their captains are arguing, just feels right. Plus, there's the whole juicy drama that comes with being attracted to someone who is, technically, your enemy, and the possibility that they'll have to fight each other or at least the other's crew someday as their captains battle for the One Piece makes for some great star-crossed lovers potential.

Zoro: I already shipped this as a concept as he ticks all of Ikkaku's boxes, including being loyal, ambitious, driven, a good mix of chill and passionate, and also being built like a brick shithouse. I imagine her initial flirting going over his head, but as they train together during the trip to Wano, the attraction becomes mutual. And ever since I saw Ikkaku using two swords in the anime, my bias has grown even stronger with the idea of him training her in two-sword style as he understands her desire to become strong to protect her captain.

Nami: Intelligent, crafty, charismatic, hot women are very much Ikkaku's type. I could easily see Ikkaku falling for her once she's sure Nami isn't just using her to get to the Tang's treasure hold. I can just see Ikkaku growing genuinely comfortable around her, able to flirt and laugh and talk for hours about her passions without feeling self-conscious because she's talking to someone who, even if she isn't an engineer, is one of the smartest women on the seas. Nami just ticks a ton of boxes for her.

Ace: First of all, charisma and shirtlessness are two things Ikkaku likes in a man. Second of all, they could geek out over Striker together. Third of all, my Ikkaku also has some issues with wondering if she ever should have been born and having her existence being treated like a curse, so assuming she and Ace ever opened up to each other about that, I think they could have an amazing relationship where they can affirm the other is loved, and their existence does indeed make the other's better, so that alone is worth being born for. And it can either end tragically if it's pre-Marineford, or they can first bond in Ace-lives AUs where the man is vulnerable and hurt post-Marineford after Law saves his life.

Reiju: Ikkaku gives no fucks about the Sora comics, so she'd meet Reiju and not get the comic-book star-struck many of the other Hearts would. Like Nami, she's charismatic, intelligent, and hot with the added appeal of being dangerous. Dating Ikkaku could easily be an act of rebellion for the princess, her being a commoner and also someone who could easily reverse-engineer any Germa tech Reiju might happen to "drop" by "accident" during a visit to screw over dear old dad.

X Drake: Ok, so Ikkaku hates Marines for both reasonable and deeply personal reasons. Now imagine Drake being the Marine tasked with chasing after the Hearts back in the North Blue. During these skirmishes, Ikkaku realizes that, while most Marines are scum, this one is genuinely a decent man looking to protect people. So she flirts and teases and maybe hints that he should leave the Marines. And then he seemingly does, and she's so proud of him, and perhaps sometime on the Grand Line they start dating, and she grows to really, deeply care for him, and he feels the same. But the whole time Drake has really been undercover as a pirate for SWORD, and he has to struggle with the fact that he's lying to her about his allegiance, and the angst that will inevitably occur when the truth inevitably comes to light.

Hawkins: Listen I have a whole dark, toxic lore for the relationship between these two that would require a few too many trigger warnings for, lol. If you're really curious, you can check out my tag High Priestess and Magician - Hawkins x Ikkaku or my basically inactive sideblog @waraxarcana.

Biases that are based solely on Aesthetics but would love to explore and develop lore for: Benn Beckman, Dracule Mihawk, Perona, Shanks, Sanji, Crocodile, Hina, Whitey Bay, Katakuri, Sabo

[4-the-tainted-sorrow-21]

This is so absolutely SICK. Jon Nia and Jay never got to know each other as well as they could have. I can’t even say they were doomed from the start because they weren’t. Because Nia answered the door when Walker knocked, because she got involved with her, because of her involvement in the death of Jay’s mom, they ruined it for themselves. And it’s really not her fault either!!! It was her family on the line! She was young and scared and threatened!! What else would she have done? But she still did it. So she gets her brief reunion with Jon and they get to talk about what could’ve been. That makes it so much worse. They know what they could’ve been. They know. And they also know that had things gone just a little bit differently, they could’ve been something more than they got the chance to be. And then there’s the other side of it which is Jay absolutely hating her guts. And ykw!! He so justified in that!! She did help kill his mom. But also, he lost a friend in the process. Not just his mom, but a friend, too. His friend betrayed him and killed his mom and burned down any chance of ever being closer or having any sort of relationship at all. And to make it even worse!!!!! Jon forgives her!!!! It’s horrible. It was just the small things that completely destroyed any chance the three of them had. I think it’s also worth mentioning there was ABSOLUTELY romantic undertones with Jon and Nia and that makes me sick. On multiple levels actually because 1: DC just has an AWFUL rep with poly characters and I would’ve lovedddd to see how Maines handled it. She was doing so well setting up a V she would’ve killed it. But also. It’s just. JUST HAD NIA NOT ANSWERED THE DOOR. They never got to know each other as well as they could have because Waller took that time away from them, because Nia made one small mistake that snowballed, because there was family at stake on all ends. I can’t do this today thank you

[walkingstackofbooks]

Thinking about how Julian is so antsy in Distant Voices about his upcoming 30th birthday, and how he says he found out about his augmentations when he was 15.

How likely is it that he's hyperaware that half of his life has been spent living a lie, and that after his 30th birthday, he'll have spent more time knowing than not.

How far away did 30 seem to him when he was 15? How much did he assume he'd be found out before he ever got to that age?

How much longer does he think he's going to have left *after* turning 30? Being overly concerned about middle age is a somewhat humorous, if relatable, concept - but what happens when you know that your life could be over with one mistake that you're constantly on the edge of making?

How many close calls had there been in the last 15 years? How many more close calls will there be before he gets to 45? Which one will see him kicked out of Starfleet, out of medicine, into an institution? When will that be?

"Aging is part of the natural process of life", but he's not natural.

"When you hit thirty, it becomes harder and harder to ignore the passage of time": the passage of time, bringing him closer and closer to his inevitable discovery.

"In many human cultures, the thirtieth birthday is considered a sort of landmark. It marks the end of youth and the beginning of the slow march into middle age." Will Julian still be living in another 15 years time, or will he simply be existing, locked up somewhere, hidden away from society? Will he get to enjoy middle age, or will his youth be the only time he got to have?

Turning thirty means that for exactly half a lifetime, he's had to shoulder the weight of his secret. So yes, having to think about his thirtieth birthday does bring up a whole host of feelings that he can't quite manage to hide.

[jaynovz]

Where do we think that Jayce learned to fight like that

He's clearly had some type of combat training based on the nice pretty fight choreography in the show. Bc you don't learn how to brawl like that just from being a blacksmith, even if you're jacked

Also how do we think his dad died? Mining accident? Forge fumes? Before the Talis's got established as a house, perhaps?

Maybe his dad taught him to fight before he died, maybe his dad was military or something in a previous occupation

Many thoughts 🤔🤔🤔

[s-ephiroth]

that angeal analysis post is making me think about how both sephiroth and genesis don't fully grasp the hidden implications behind angeal's behavior towards his sword or, if they do, they don't really comment on it in ways that would validate the whole philosophy of not using a resource/tool unless explicitly necessary

as far as we know it, sephiroth does take notice that angeal isn't using his Cool Sword™/is holding back against him and — whether he knows or not about the sword's origin and why angeal behaves the way he does — provokes him into using it (which doesn't happen)

genesis is there when this happens and doesn't scold sephiroth for that, instead interrupting because he wants to 1v1 sephiroth, leaving it ambiguous whether or not he's intervening to be "heroic" to angeal (sparing him from using the buster sword unnecessarily) or for his own gain (winning against sephiroth in a duel means he's stronger or more skilled than him)

regardless, genesis doesn't grow up in poverty (neither does sephiroth, though i think neither of them have normal childhoods) so he wouldn't truly get the meaning behind the behavior in practice

and then there's angeal himself in the middle of all this... did he even tell either of them what happened to his dad because of the sword? did he have time to even grieve or did he get the news once he was already in midgar?

like

the way sephiroth and genesis seem to behave (or lack a reaction) to angeal's behavior towards his sword keeps sending me the idea that he was likely bottling up about it to the point neither of them noticed it in a way that would have either of them going "are you ok? why are you being touchy about the sword?"

... usually i would think of sephiroth being the one among them to bottle up the most, opening up only when he feels comfortable enough to do so or even reluctantly admitting he knows he shouldn't share his issues with others, but!! it may turn out that angeal is much worse with that?

which does reflect in the way he physically degrades, even

unlike genesis who shows visual cues (whitening hair, cracks on skin, etc), angeal stays basically the same aside from the wing, which... good allegory for depression being an "invisible" ailment, but also??? excellent way to show that angeal was hiding A LOT of what was happening to himself from others

by the point the penance fight ends, by the point we have enough to make all the conclusions that excellent analysis post by pumpkin makes, angeal is visually very degraded, just like genesis

because we can see it now

and if only sephiroth and genesis could've seen too, if they really didn't, if only