#my thoughts just will not fucking STOP
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Insomnia fucking sucks
#my thoughts just will not fucking STOP#this is what happens when everyone that you used to vent to for one reason or another is no longer available for venting#journalling my thoughts just isnt enough I need to verbally process them with several people and get their insight into the situation#because i dont trust my interpretation or even memory of a lot of things#anyway i somehow accidentally triggered myself so now Im doing some Breathing Techniques#i was journalling about Lismore and my sex issues and it didnt help and then I had a like physical sensation flashback#which has been happening A LOT the past like four months#and its not fun#and im being as vague as I can whilst venting in the tags because this is the best place to do them but vague is better that triggering you#sigh it really does suck that it feels as though the majority of my support network fell apart when I quit DMing last year#and that I dont really have people that I feel like I can vent to without annoying them#im just a huge ass ball of fucking incredibly insecure feelings trying to pretend to be an adult#and I dont know how to fix it!! im trying! im reminding myself that its okay to be insecure and that I can become more secure#but its fucking hard#its just fucking hard#its almost 6am. im gonna try and sleep a little but I doubt I will manage it#personal#raven rambles#vent post
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[Tim and Jason watching Dick as he fakes his death for a mission]
Tim: Man, he really is peak pretty boy
Jason: Right? Like, stop serving while you’re dying. It’s disrespectful.
Tim: For real, like, at least YOU had your priorities straight.
Jason: Exactly, I—
Jason:
Jason: Now hold up just a second—
Tim: I mean, you looked like shit when you died
Jason: THE FUCK, TIM????
#ten seconds later:#Tim: *running for his life* I THOUGHT DEATH JOKES WERE FINE NOW#Jason: ONLY IF YOU CAN BACK IT THE FUCK UP#Tim: bet#ten minutes later:#Tim: see????? fuckin’ told you#Jason: damn okay I guess#Jason: hang on how did you get these pictures#Tim: I thought we were past this#incorrect quotes#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#batfam#I should probably stop putting so much content in my tags#but it’s just too much fun
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need to share an experience i had 30 minutes ago
(edit: thanks to @walks-the-ages for providing and reminding me to put alt text, sorry it slips my mind alot lol)
#my hands are still shaking to be quite honest i could not put a lot of effort into this.#but like. brain. why did you do that#literally i have been like hopelessly obsessed with de nonstop thinking abt it for the past couple of days it is Scaring me#it is terminal its soooo fucking chronic#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#for anyone who wants to know i bumped into some guys car that was stopped for a school bus. i think my brain errored and thought#my foot was fully pressing down on the brake pedal but it wasnt.#i am like 99.99 percent sure neither of us had any major damage to our cars but we still filed a police report just in case#because insurance do be a bitch. dudes back bumper was scratched lightly and my front license plate has a dent now#also literally my first ever car accident that ive had ever yippee yay
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“and for my next trick, i’m going to rapidly alternate between actual torture, and begging like a dog” said bill after he condescended to the scientist with this gay shit
#like he was so condescending here. so confident.#then he hits ford with the ‘’can we talk 🥺🥺🥺’’#and then he hits ford with. yknow. the nails.#and various other sufferings listed in tbob#and then he hits up o’sadleys like ‘’i miss my wife 🥺🥺🥺’’#and then and then and then fucking the dimensional taco bell ‘’one sixer please 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺’’#BRUVA WHAT HAPPENED TO ‘’it would be fun to watch you try!!!’’ YOU ARE PATHETIC.#‘’ooooo this scientist cant stop me from doing shit’’ no but he can break your psyche beyond repair#‘’it would be fun to watch you try!!!’’ proceeds to claw at a door like a rabid animal. proceeds to beg like a dog.#billford#unoriginal thought they just are on the mind#bill cipher#ford pines
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i love being transneutral i love not only being constantly excluded from things in my everyday life by virtue of being nonbinary but Also excluded from trans spaces and discussions bc i dont want to be 'aligned' with the gender binary in any way its awesome
#i love how these posts never go anywhere until coincidentally i include issues specific to transmasc or transfem people#totally does not make me feel even more like im just shouting into a void full of people who would rather pretend i dont exist#until im useful to them#haha. lol.#vent#exorsexism#not apologizing you all get to stop hearing me vent abt this when you start getting your fucking shit together and LISTENING#nonbinary and intersex people are screaming for support and most of you are plugging your ears and pretending we arent even there#that isnt saying you have to rb my posts specifically. this isnt meant to be like that guilt tripping bs just.#maybe stop rbing posts that blatantly exclude us! maybe even include us in some of your own posts! maybe even stop viewing literally-#-fucking EVERYTHING through the lens of male/female#idk. just putting the thought out there.#much to think about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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how chapter 4 revealed the true horror of deltarune and why it's more unsettling than undertale's genocide route
so back when chapter 2 came out and people had just discovered the weird route, i did not agree with the sentiment that the weird route was worse than geno route. as horrible as forcing noelle into "killing" others was, i didnt think it was somehow worse than watching the struggle of the entire monster race trying to face what was essentially an unkillable eldritch god (the player)
but how kris conducted themselves in chapter 4, ESPECIALLY the weird route has really changed my opinion. the darkest part of this story is not the "murders" or the manipulation or any of that. it's kris' loss of autonomy.
In undertale, it is well established that frisk and the player are two seperate beings, just like in deltarune. but what sets frisk and kris apart is that frisk doesn't seem to mind being controlled, and later down the line ends up taking actions of their own to further the player's wishes
whether its the pacifist route - refusing to die to asriel's attacks, or the genocide route - walking towards sans in the judgement hall and then slashing him for the second time to get the kill. all this without the player's input
frisk is their own person who shows their personality quirks here and there, but they are ultimately a blank slate who is willing to go along with whatever the player wants
kris is not that at all.
kris defies the player in many different ways, from small actions of defiance that twist the player's command into something literal or comedic, showing distaste towards our choices, to stopping themselves from speaking/acting by resorting to self-harm in various ways.
they want to be their own person, but they can't. and they are already scared, but they become downright terrified when the player decides to got down the weird route and involve their friend noelle.
they are fighting SO hard to not hurt her here anymore. they took their few moments of freedom away from the player to warn and comfort noelle, and now it's all falling apart right in front of them and there is nothing they can do about it.
they are shaking and cannot do anything as they watch noelle dig her own grave. they can only watch. they cannot move, cant shout cant scream. cant do anything but obey.
and the worst part is that this is no longer the darkworld. this is real life to them. kris can no longer give the comfort of the terrible things happening being just a dream, or just a prank.
the darkworld was a magical fantasy setting where you could technically claim nothing too terrible is happening. the darkners they're killing? theyre just inanimate objects in the real world. using snowgrave on berdly? he's not dead, just got a cold and recovered later in hospital just fine.
but here? this is reality.
noelle was already shaken enough by what she perceived to be a fake world. what on earth will the realisation that all of this was reality do to her? especially now that we as the player are gaining the ability to influence not just kris, but noelle too.
how far do you think she will go now that this has expanded beyond the dark world? just how far do you think a girl can be pushed by someone she considered a friend?
and by god, how much guilt and horror must kris feel. knowing they do not want this, but watching their words, their actions, their body being used to hurt those they care about. and there is nothing they can do but watch.
this is a story of a child being forced to hurt their friend, as they watch from behind the prison that is their own body. and the worst part is that noone seems to notice. noone knows.
noone is coming to save them.
#deltarune#deltarune spoilers#kris dreemurr#noelle holiday#weird route#undertale#cannot stop thinking about the horror that is your autonomy being taken away from you#this is fucked up man#idk if this is anything but i had to get my thoughts out.#because kris is just a kid. theyre all just kids#toby fox im going to break into your house for this one fr
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horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago
#I DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT KNOWWWWW#when i say damn thats crazy its bc i DO think its crazy i think a lot of things are crazy. like how birds have cloacas#or the way ppl draw a five pointed star in different ways and everyone assumes their way of doing it is how everyone does it#my brother is not letting me live this down btw he literally shouted at me like HOW DID YOU LIVE THIS LONG AND NOT PICK UP ON THAT#IDK!!! IDK I THOUGHT SOMETIMES IT COULD BE USED TO EXPRESS GENUINE SHOCK??????#he says its my delivery that makes it sound insincere bc i say it in a monotonous voice which when i think abt it YEAH....#THAT DOES MAKE IT LOOK KINDA BAD IN HINDSIGHT.....#and then i told him i keep a list of phrases that tickle my brain so i can remember to use them in conversation and apparently#most ppl dont do that bc he was like ???? stop doing that??? just let the conversation flow naturally it sounds fake>????#idk man i feel like if i did that and blurted out 'i forgot people find stuff like underwear arousing for some reason' instead of#smth like 'i wonder what kind of ppl find this kind of stuff the bees knees' like i normally do. it would. not go so well.#ALSO THE FLOW CHARTS ARENT NORMAL? i make flow charts before i call the bank or smth so i know what to say#its not just to blend in its also so i dont waste ppls time going uhhhhh as i think of how i put smth into words#its called stalling for time and i dont care if i have to say smth like thats just how the cookie crumbles if it gives me#5 more seconds to process whatever the fuck someone said without letting them think im not paying attention#doodles#diary#sona#puppysona#comics
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Imo the best ending to Supernatural would have been to just stop with them alive on a random hunt or them finding jobs and living the life they just wanted or whatever.
And then the story just fucking STOP, because Chuck is not here anymore, so they are no longer part of a story they are finally free. And we could still write and read fanfic about how they live after they won.
#they should have just STOP before fucking killing them all#that might have stopped the story with no possibility for a revival#so I'm not sure#but I would be fine not having any revival if the end was satisfying enough#it would still be better than what we had anyway#an open ending would have been better#because they would be ALIVE and FREE#they deserved to be happy#spn#supernatural#spn 15x20#Carry On#there's no carrying on when everyone is fucking dead#don't mind me#I'm still bitter about that ending#dean winchester#sam winchester#castiel#jack kline#eileen leahy#destiel#deancas#saileen#if you don't ship those no hate please#my random thoughts about spn
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gay people always sitting in the way. whats a girl gotta do
found this on pinterest no idea where it came from
#can a girl just enjoy her soda in peace#anyway#thought this image was really fucking funny and had to draw it duh#also im decently proud of the lighting here too like okay some parts arent my best work but like. john and jade look fucking great man#harlegberts my beloveds#anywho tags#rose lalonde#kanaya maryam#rosemary#jade harley#(aroace jade..)#i should make a headcanon post i think that would be fun#STOP GETTING SIDETRACKED#john egbert#dave strider#johndave#davejohn#pepsicola#homestuck#hs#my art#boom
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etho said actually you _don't_ understand the intricacies of how tango is my boyfriend and bdubs is my ex
(and how tango and bdubs kiss too)
Scar: We went on that little adventure, you know! Etho: Yeah, yeah, we had our adventure, that's true, that's true. Scar: You disparaged your teammates. That's it, all right, no more spoilers. Etho: (laughs) Our team has -- our team has some weird dynamics this -- this season. Cleo: (overlapping) Really, Etho? Is there trouble in paradise? (pause) Who's third-wheeling with you, again? I can't remember. Etho: (laughs) Uhh. The -- Cleo: Genuinely can't remember. I know it's you and Bdubs. And...Tango? Tango. Tango. Etho: (loudly) Why -- Why is Tango the third wheel? Why -- why isn't Bdubs the third wheel? Cleo: Because it's you and Bdubs. I'm sorry. I understand how that relationship goes. Etho: (dissatisfied) Hmm.
#why is this what makes me post again#tangtho#etho#ethoslab#tango#tangotek#tango tek#bdubs#bdoubleo100#bangtho#< saw that in etho's comments. and. yeah#also consider that tango and bdubs were together first this series and etho is the third wheel#to the fucked up love hate thing they have going on#there's never been something more appreciating and adoring BUT biting each other as tangdubs#goodtimeswithscar#hermitcraft s10#wild life smp#wild life smp spoilers#(Sorry but some people have ethubs blinders on but that's so much less interesting to me than the whole.#Yes bdubs is pathetic and will always be at etho's feet. and Yes etho will pity bdubs and want him protected.#but tangtho (!!!) has SO much more to play with...to Me.)#and Why is etho being a tango girl so under-noticed??? lmao. it's there to be noticed All the time#hot mic! hot mic!#but also lowkey dreading ep2 lmao#anyway I'll regret posting this lol#(also I see you asks in my inbox. sorry I haven't replied yet <3 re: s7 oh do I have thoughts! it's where it truly kinda began... I started#forming a reply to you back in May I think but I've been kinda averse to posting/participating in the fandom side for a while. sorry I#stopped being a good place for your tangtho snippets </3 I've still been watching and enjoying the streams and the tango etho joy continues#just haven't really felt like posting)
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The butterflies in my stomach going CRRRAZZY over him…
#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#bnha#mha#dabi#touya todoroki#bnha dabi#mha dabi#bnha season 7#mha season 7#THE FUCKING SOB I JUST LET OUT BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH I LOVE FREAKY ASS FERAL SMIRK OF HIS#HIS EYES. OH. MY. GOD. I AM SO IN LOVE??????#need this man to stop playing with my heart this way because what do you mean that every time i see him i cry????#also… HANDS 👹👹👹👹 HIS HANDS 👹👹👹👹#don’t make me talk… it’s better if i stay silent… because my thoughts every time i see his hands are so impure…
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this book is going to KILL me it's going to KILL ME !!!
#the murderbot diaries#tmbd#i thought ART might come back in this one but NOT LIKE THIS#AUGH AUGH AUGH AUGH AUGH#i love ART and Murderbot so much this is AGONY#their dynamic means EVERYTHING to me AUGH#shaking n crying etc#for context murderbot just received the message marked for eden#AUHUAHGUHAGUAHGHGHUHUAHGUAHG#i need to STRANGLE someone#GRAHHHHHHHH#trying to decide whether to keep reading which will fuck up my bedtime (on account of i'll be too wired)#or to stop and force myself to wind down for bed so i can resume bright and early fully rested
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I feel like too often people frame Nie Mingjue's issues as ignorance borne from safety. Like, they think that because of his privilege as a sect leader he doesn't know what it's like to be in danger and forced to make hard choices to survive. And I disagree. Strongly.
First of all, Nie Mingjue is very familiar with death not only from war but from. You know. Actively dying since the age of fourteen. Let us not forget Nie Mingjue is dead! Super dead! And maybe he didn't die the exact way he expected to but he did, absolutely, know he was going to die. To act like Nie Mingjue is unfamiliar with the scenario of "do something you find morally reprehensible or die" is to ignore that he has been living that exact scenario and chose death.
Nie Mingjue knows death is a risk for someone like Jin guangyao, in fact he explicitly acknowledges it even in his worst moments like the stairs in chapter 49. Had his issue been ignorance, then he would've responded to Jin Guangyao saying that he's in danger and has to sacrifice others for his own safety with "No you aren't you'll be fine." But he doesn't. He accepts the fact that jgy is in danger with no qualms and says: then you should die.
That's not him betraying his values, those are his values. He is, essentially, pro-suicide. Jgy is like hey I have a moral dilemma what should I do and nmj straight up goes "Kill yourself" and earlier that same chapter when he was faced with a moral dilemma he went "I'm gonna kill myself." He believes the solution to moral dilemmas is suicide! He is extremely consistent about this! When it's pointed out to him that it would have been dangerous for Wen Qing to oppose Wen Ruohan it doesn't phase him because he thinks putting yourself at risk to do the right thing is the only moral choice. The idea that he can only hold this belief because he is himself somehow not in danger, again, requires you to ignore that he is dying the whole time. And it doesn't deter him. He is the idea of self-sacrifice as a moral good taken to its absolute logical extreme. Someone who is ready to die and demands the same from everyone else.
It makes him a very fun case study for fandom, because a lot of fandom spaces also tend to revere self-sacrifice as the ultimate good, and yet we get very uncomfortable when someone starts demanding it of characters we love. Like woah, hold on, that's a bit too far isn't it? Only we the audience get to do that!
#mdzs#mdzs meta#nie mingjue#i got a bit spicy at the end there#one wonders of there is perhaps a theme around sacrifice the story is working with here#what with several of the most relevant and major character relationships centering around sacrifice.#anyway I wonder what nmj thought of Wen Qing (and Wen Ning though the jin kept him alive) sacrificing herself at nightless#I have to imagine he approved. despite disagreeing with her he also approved of mianmian giving up her clan position for wwx+ the wens#so he'd think this was her 'finally doing the right thing'#his approval would've been kinda worthless. As a person who is NOT pro-suicide I think that's fucked up! the sacrifice didn't even work!#but it's diabolical to think of the Wen siblings turning themselves in and nmj being there and *praising* them for it.#unhinged behavior. I need this missing scene stat.#this is just kind of a rephrasing of my 'stop calling nmj a hypocrite' post but with a bit more focus on what exactly his values are#and how his problems stem not from him being inconsistent with those values but the fact that they are pretty fucked up!#and that those fucked up values are not a result of a lack danger but the opposite. the *inevitability* of death#he's going to die so he *has* to believe that's the right thing to do.
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Imagining Billy, a boy who has been stuck in time due to a weird time leak that was never quite patched up right in Fawcett, exploring the rest of the world as a hero and just getting so many odd looks at what he says. He says such dated things that make someone go 'What? No, that was outlawed in XXXX....' or 'That law was introduced before I was born?' and he is just scratching the back of his head like Huh..... The outside world is wild... No wonder no one leaves our lil shithole
#billy batson#similarly. laws that were recrnly passed or smth that were big whenever he was first born are probably never thought abt now#so hes like 'we cant do this!' and whoever hes with is just baffled 'whos gonna stop me?? the cops??' and hes fucking astounded goin 'YES?!'#tomfoolery!#found this is my drafts. think its been there for 2-3 months atleast
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SVSSS AU where due to dimension shenanigans Shang Qinghua gets to meet alternative versions of himself. Including notable figures such as Original Flavour SQH and the SQH who did take the rock route when he first met MBJ :)) OG!SQH is much more proper and peak-lordy looking then our local hamster and is just so so grossed out by the demon loving SQH's. Why on Earth is a version of himself Married to Mobei-Jun? and the other one is fawning over him too! Like you willing chose to be into that fucking thing? at least one of them managed to kill the demon...
Meanwhile Rock-hua (Who is much more scarred and physically inclined since he didn't have a MBJ to call on whenever he got into trouble) is looking at Mobei-Jun like "Ah, it's nice to see him again, especially with his head in one piece :))"
Mobei-Jun is very conflicted about everything that's going on.
#OG is just so fucking bitter that one managed to kill their MBJ and the other fucking went and got married?? what bullshit!#He knows that his King would snap his neck if he stopped being useful to him. Why the Hell do they get off so easy?#(Why do they both get smth nice whilst he's still suffering? One's never lived underneath MBJ's thumb and the other one is treasured & kept#both Airplane's decide to never tell him of his original fate of being killed by MBJ-#Rock-Hua is dating Mu Qingfang in my heart btw. They bonded over their dubious morals and homoerotic wound bandaging (& caffeine addiction)#things.... aren't great in Rock-hua's world....#but at least he got an medical malpractise boyfriend out of it!#I think these 3 would have a fucking TIME!#also the angst potential? *chef kiss* cant wait for OG to find out he's technically not even the same person as the other 2#MBJ is feeling many emotions at this point in time “More SQH...but at what cost...”#shang qinghua#airplane shooting towards the sky#svsss#scum villains self saving system#moshang#mobei jun#original shang qinghua#ahh what to call this AU#my brother my brother and me-ass scenario#ahhh maybe I'll expand on this later. I have many thoughts lol#We'll go with#Triple Qinghua#for now#tomb talking
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gay disaster peepaw aka daniel molloy
a treat for @fagcinating
#fun little gifset#tried to capture what i thought were peepaws gayest moments#obvs some iconic ones#then just a couple were i thought he looked extra cunty#whilst simultaneously fighting with my screen recorder and photoshop#gonna work out what’s fucking with the quality tbh - might be time to stop using my illegal photoshop#and swap to the up to date software i can get from work#iwtv#daniel molloy#eric bogosian#amc iwtv#amc interview with the vampire#interview with the vampire#megan makes
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