#nd that's why he's like this now
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Guess what movie I watched
#i feel bad for saying this because it's so easy. it's too easy. what would i even add. the movie is there. it says everything. you can watch#but i'll say it anyways since we're here.#new headcanon that m//3gan was fross's comfort movie after his parents died and he watched it 80000 times back to back and learned nothing#nd that's why he's like this now#i don't care that this movie came out like 30 years before fross was born. idc idc. it's so easy. it's too easy#i just know he watched this movie so much it started blurring the lines between fantasy and reality and then he went up to lis and he went#well where's my killer robot? 🤨#and she was like. well we don't do that here. we only make green robots#and he was like#oh.... that's fine... no it's ok. i guess i will go become a roboticist. and get a job at FAS. so i can make a killer robot myself#since you clearly don't want me to be happy 💔🥺😩 *ant_with_bindle.png*#anyways yea i made this post just so i could share the TRUE and REAL SECRET story behind fross's decision to side with FAS 👌#also. remember how i mentioned fross would watch a//tla but skip z//uko's redemption arc bc self-recognition through the other (derogatory)#well. same applies here. he skips that one scene where g/emma says that m//3gan is just a distraction and those feelings won't go away etc#he's like GTFO WITH THAT MORALISTIC CRAP!!!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥 SHOW ME THE YANDERE ROBOTS 🔥🔥🔥🔥#anyways i think you can tell i liked the movie. it had a bunch of the things i like 👍#oc: fross#oc tag#ramble
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Bout that essay titled 'A study of Gortash's twisted love of humanity'- yk what fuck it here goes nothing. Back into a facists megalomaniacs mind we go. Spoiler; this is long.
But first of all; let's do a thought experiment. Let's just assume, for shits and giggles, Gortash's position would've somehow been swapped with any other the other chosen or another Banite:
Let's start with the Banites: if we had gotten anyone except for Gortash Baldur's Gate would've been fucked. Like genuinely. Banites are cruel, vicious, unashamedly gaudy (they suck ass at infiltration missions) and they exploit loopholes perhaps even better than fiends. Any other Banite would've simply reveled in the fear caused by rampant myrkulites and bhaalists and probably stoked that fire by employing some of their own forces. And depending on whether the Zhents join the winning side or not they would've probably used and abused the black network to absolutely dominate trade and potentially choke out every non desirable in the city itself by fun activities such as grand scale slavery, starving an entire city, or simply employing enough mercenaries and some Bhaalist to get the job done. Banites fuck everyone over so hard they usually don't even stop at themselves, and prideful cruel beings who know absolutely no bounds in their desire for power commonly don't hesitate, especially not Banites who thrive in backstabbing. So the other chosen and the grand design are fucked cuz they will most certainly get removed for the sake of someone more desirable the second they somehow irk Banes favourite toy. Which in some specific cases (all of them) would be in 5 minutes flat. If you thought the local nobility was bad just wait until you see a Banite in their natural environment.
Ketheric: Yeah Baldur's Gate is fucked. Ketheric cares about one thing and one thing only; Isobel. And he employs a bunch of sadistic necromancers who have no concept of personal boundaries or consent for that matter, so chances are he'd let them roam freely in Baldur's Gate, making the streets a huting ground for his followers to find prime subjects to perform inhumane experiments on all while he turns a blind eye; either busy trying to get Isobel under his (mind-) control, reviving her or treating a brainless puppet that looks and once was his daughter like his one true solution to decades of grief and fucking up. He wouldn't care about what happens to the city, to the other chosen or even the grand design. He'd follow his gods orders but thats about it and no matter whether that's still Myrkul or Bane; everyone's fucked cuz surpringly the guy who adores lichdom more than life and the other guy who'd rather 'burn everyone's fields than loose' aren't about to give out any orders that will benefit anyone but themselves.
Orin: Another great case of 'yeah Baldur's Gate is fucked'. Orin wants one thing and one thing only: recognition. Preferably from Bhaal but she'd take anyone at this point. The problem about this whole thing is, she's been conditioned and instilled with so much self-loathing my dearest murder princess can't even begin to realise when she's getting shown any sort of adoration anymore and immediately understands it as mockery, see, for example, her butler. Is what I would say if their corpse wasn't chilling in Durges old bedroom. All Orin would do is stage ever grander and more elaborate public massacres and involuntary 'anatomy displays'. Baldur's Gate wouldn't simply be fucked; give her a week, and the majority of it would be dead. This works well for Bhaal, but for anyone else, it would kinda suck. Including the other two of the dead three. And the cult would probably still loathe her simply due to her not being a true Bhaalspawn, so cue Orin's madness reaching an absolute boiling point. She doesn't and would never care for any of the other chosen or the grand design. Unless she's reigned in, she's a utterly loose canon, even more so than she was already, with Gortash or Durge at the helm, respectively.
Now time for my favourite of the reckless murder hobos; Durge. Given the few in game notes we have Durge had a thing for obliteration. Including but not limited to every living being + themselves. So let's just assume Gortash’s cocky upstart charm and Orins assassination attempt didn't work out as planned and they are still the de facto leader but now without any leash. Baldur's Gate is probably obliterated. Alongside whatever else remains of the sword coast. Or Troil. They'd probably also have some weird ass fuck relationship with the brain cuz they already did without being the undisputed leader. And the brain would probably discard the grand design themselves cuz somehow Durge has that effect on things (might be the innate charm magic of Bhaalist priests that they use to convince people to join a literal murder cult). Either way, with Durge not giving a single damn about the other chosen, any plans but Bhaals (or their misunderstood version of it) and a dramatic love for self-obliteration, it may finally be time to remedy the elves' mistake and rip Abeir-Toril apart properly. Ao hates this trick, alongside everyone else, probably including Bhaal himself.
Which is all my longwinded way of saying; Gortash is the lesser evil. In any set of circumstances he displays enough leniency, monster fucker vibes and rationality to somehow keep this ruined, sinking ship from hitting the sea floor immediately. He has enough of a twisted love for humanity left, compared to the others, to a degree that he doesn't blindly follow orders or actively seeks the destruction of everything, let alone 'true' domination the way Bane intends to have it.
But yes, indeed, Gortash performed fucked up and cruel experiments. No doubt about that. And yet it was still on a lesser scale than a mad massive hoard of necromancers could, and his experiments, for the most part, actually yielded results, didn't they? Presumably, the Coginator and the remote control brain mechanism used for the Steelwatch. After all, there are zombies(?) in there, controlling that shit. However, the experiments on loving families were probably one of his selfish indulgences and his sorry attempt at figuring out if he was just born loathsome and his family sucks ass or if that's normal and humanity doesn't deserve a second chance. Or a 30th. FR lore is fucked up.
This is also a great transition to exhibit B of my thesis why Gortash does in fact love or is at the very very very least heavily intrigued by humanity; the sole existence of the Steelwatch. Listen, my guy serves Bane. Bane hates planning. He likes immediate results. So much so he actively pisses off his situationship Bhaal for it. Repeatedly. And he likes fear and tyranny. So what do you think the chances are that the black hand would actually enjoy the thought of a mecha army patrolling the streets of Baldur's Gate, keeping them save, and worst of all, instilling hope in the hearts of the populous, peasants and nobles alike? Yeah, absolutely fucking none. And yet Gortash did that. And he's not even just a regular banite. He's Banes chosen. He carries a part of Bane's divinity within himself. He has the de facto highest position in the local faith. He's Banes favourite toy rn. He's the centre of attention and he still goes out of his way to use things that could 1000% inspire fear and hatred to sow fucking hope and a sense of safety of all things in plain sight? I bet his adorable wrinkly ass that Bane wasn't happy and that even a thousand rituals to redeem his leniency won't save him from getting tortured extra hard for this fuck up. And considering the state of the Banites scriptures we found, and his entire character, Gortash is smart enough to know this is something Bane absolutely loathes. And yet my guy did that.
Another thing is the hive mind. Bane would probably not hate it outright, as its still 'burning the fields' by turning souls illithid, but it's wasted potential. Because there's so many great things you can do with a hivemind and the remote control over people's thoughts and emotions, for example instilling fear and terror the very things Bane loves. But that's, once again, not Gortash plan. If the notes and one of the evil endings is anything to go by the hivemind doesn't trap people in a state of torment, it does the polar opposite. People are happy, enjoying a better, simpler and nicer life. Enjoying an idea of what their life could've been like. They're smiling, happy, enjoying a casual market stroll and the bountiful rewards of the fields. Which is all things that a good Banite should hate and never inflict on someone. AND YET that's presumably Gortashs plan. Create a hivemind where everyone can dream happily and do soulless labour without noticing it while the world goes to absolute shit but the people do not. It's basically noah's arc. It's paradise in hell. The people are 'saved' while the gods continue to fight their petty games, and Gortash alone lords over this perfect dream. Protecting it answer using it to advance further.
Now, about the busts found in his office. Most of them depicted rather unsavoury, cruel people. Except for one. Which honours a self made person who took pity on those who had less. On those considered lesser by the upright and honourable citizens of the Gate. It's weird how, between all those symbols and testaments to cutlery and tyranny, there's still a sliver of empathy, renegade justice and even care for fellow humans imbued, isn't it? And what's even weirder, all of them are found in Gortash's most private place? His own little office hidden far above the grandeur of the throne room and the Fortress, where he sits at the helm, lording over his subjects and scheming his little plans? This is an excellent example of show, don't tell btw. It's hitting you over the head with the implications. But just in case, this might very well be a reflection of Gortashs mind itself and the visible expression of him being incapable of letting go of humanity as a whole, still carrying it somewhere not even that well buried between the resentment and cruelty but out in plain view for everyone curious enough to touch it because what others reason would he have tob'play the benelovent ruler' in a place where no one sees it? Where only his most trusted and fellow Banites mingle?
And, ofc, as I am a durgetash truther, another exhibit. Him fucking Bhaals gore baby and putting a leash on it prematurely. You see, I've already talked about Banes likes and dislikes plenty so it should come as no surprise that the Edgelord Surpreme wouldn't hate carnage wrought upon foolish mortals by idiots who follow lesser gods than himself, since it would still somehow contribute to people being scared and panicking. But Gortash, being the ever faithful fuck up of a Banite, reigns in the Bhaalist and even the Myrkulites enough for that to kinda never really happen. He stopped the carnage from happening altogether, in fact, by giving the others enough scraps to keep them satisfied and from acting out but not enough freedom to fuck up his plans. I mean, heck he was apparently so convincing he managed to get Durge, again, biggest fan of self-obliteration, from going on an apocalyptic rampage cuz 'daddy I like his brain and I don't mean for dinner'. Him doing that actively contributed to preventing another Bhaalspawn crisis, which could've very well happened with Bhaals resurgence and revival, 2.5 loose canons and no ward of a random old guy in sight. But also him providing a clear goal and orders for Ketheric kept the lich from giving in to the sweet release of just not caring at all whatsoever. Everyone had their designated roles and boundaries and that was perhaps the only thing keeping this group of mentally unstable creatures from unleashing an apocalyptic nightmare; which again would've worked in their gods favour and technically didn't need any prevention.
And about the Gondians... Yeah this is gonna sound fucked up, cuz it is, but Gortash is actually treating them exceptionally nice. Their families are actually still alive and its not just a lie he's telling them, we don't actually see anyone getting flayed, strung up or tortured in some other way outright, they actually get to wear clothes and presumably they're fed enough to a degree that most of them can still somewhat work and the collar and the threat of your head exploding does suck but he could've also simply chained them to their work stations but they aren't. Let alone use charms or other beguiling and fucked up magic to force them into complacency. And they're not being resold or redistributed or forced to serve some random ass guy. The Gondians are, from a Forgotten Realms and probably Bane's perspective, treated exceptionally well. As are their families. Still undoubtedly fucked up and kinda sadistic with the whole explosion collar but objectively speaking he's one of the nicer slave masters. And they do allow him to produce the Steel Watchers en mass which once again contributes to the overall safety of Baldurs Gate and its other citizens. Still the lesser evil.
Though to be fair; Gortash also did some things Bane would really celebrate. Like somehow cheating his way into obtaining the Iron Throne, fucking Bhaals favourite and most fucked up """"child"""" and of course, keeping his parents alive and in agony to eternally fuel Banes fear kink. Except, it's only Sally who's afraid. Dravo is basically a blue screen of death personified at this point. He's a hollow, numb husk, isn't he? So somehow this once again doesn't align with Banes goals and Gortash's duty as a Banite. He's fucked it up again. But Gortash could've also simply killed them if all he wanted was revenge. Why go out of your ways, program elaborate scripts into them, keep the very place that testaments his fucked up past in good condition? Because a quick death would be too merciful? But then why is he so quick to turn on Durge if they betray him in a much smaller scale than his parents did. Well, perhaps he chose not to simply kill the very people who prepared Belladonna in the kitchen when he came to visit because he himself still needs them. Because underneath all that rage and spite there's still a broken boy who wants to hear his parents, albeit empty praise, and who wants to prove to them that he can be better? That his useless playing around actually helped better humanity, that he himself helped countess people and made lives better when all they thought he'd be useful as would be a pawn?
So, is it twisted? Yes. Is it rotten? Absolutely. Is it anything you'd consider to be 'conventional'? Absolutely not. But he does hold some wildly fucked up 'love' for humanity, if only as means to a grander goal (that being himself, ofc) or perhaps cuz he's genuinely incapable of letting go. Whether it's that, to spite Raphael, Bane and his parents or someone else, who knows. Probably nobody. But the shit he does is unorthodox and oddly self-sacrificial in a way where I just can't go, 'yeah no he absolutely loathes the sheer existence of the concept'.
I still think it's a missed opportunity he's not trying to build a spelljamming port though. I feel like he would absolutely do that somewhere down the line, if only to limit the black networks influence.
#okay thx for reading enough madman ramblings#i am that meme#yk which one#thats how it looks inside my brain 24/7#also not to expose myself as a weeb but#gortash is literally the light yagami or eren yaeger of baldurs gate#becoming the lesser evil and a genocidal maniac so 'his' people may experience a moment of peace safety and respite#one might even say he shares similarities witn griffith or bondrewd#but i won't cuz i dont need a hatemob to find me#anyway thats it folks#i condensed it nd kept it as sane as i could#don't wanna hit tumblrs letter cap again#been there done that already#yk i could've spent this time working on my longfic and cultivating ideas of how gortash would simultaneously elevate and fuck up the city#if he lived through bg3 cuz i like that idea#but here i am detailing how deranged he is#oh well just gotta keep thinking about the toxic old man yaoi even harder now to make up for it#imagine me going on a madmans ramble like this but for my blorbo#and their fucked up relationship#i rly should do that one day#bg3#enver gortash#bg3 gortash#lord gortash#i just noticed i forgot the orphan pipebomb bit#more on that later ig#also why i'm at it his general approach is similar to calcazar but their motivations are still different#it's hard to put into words without me spinning the argument in my mind for a lil longer but yeah#wouldn't say they're on common ground
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It is @cashweasel’s bday today!!!! I don’t rlly have words I just wanna let u know ily and appreciate u bestie and I hope your day is amazing as u <3 also yea I thought the blorbos absolutely needed to be animated smooching I hope u like it fhdkfjdkdjdjd
#I was gonna die idk why I thought that in like 2 days I should do this#I already be fighting yazan and I was like yk what’d be fun! fighting hi#m like 22 different times :D#worth tho look at them#I am in fact unwell#the way they look at each other will always be everything#triumphantt art#my art#this could be smoother but this was a GIFt so i had to finish it loll#tw I sat and analyzed how he looks at her lips nd how she moves closer fhdjdjdjdjd I’m fine#also the smile into the kiss#it’s all v intentional and important#k byeeeeee#ly bestie#kiyazan#oc: Kiara#yazan hadidi#certified blorbo in law#I want to add more frames to it some day#perhaps#for now they just 👩❤️💋👨
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ever since that one ask i keep thinking abt Jakkans timeline with the whole 'Ollie's demonic genetics cause him to age super slowly and outlive everyone else' so hes like 1000 years old but only looks like he's in his mid 40s but hes also like a half cyborg at this point
#like his big horn on his head partly if not entirely replaced by a futuristic tron legacy-esque horn IM#his tusks replaced with ✨futuristic✨ tusks#a theory is the older ollie gets the longer it takes to physically age thats why he aged pretty quickly currently but his aging process get#slower as the decades go on#also maybe instead of a regular skateboard hes into hoverboards perhaps???? or something inbetween#IM NOT DONE him having a semi sentient hologram of kari like some sort of bladerunner 2049 shit#AND oh lord if i do solidify the idea that they bring back Ponti from the dead and when him and Jakkan are on A Quest to 'send ponti back'#nd ponti and ollie accidentally stumble upon eachother like the wave of shock and grieve in ollies face oOUUUGHHH#him being blown back into memories of way back then (now) by the sight of ponti he would be sO SHOOKETH#scraping my claws on the walls i need to draw it already but im so busy drawing wise and i wanna start the next comic section PRONTO NOOO#im at least putting it in my evergrowing list bc i have A Vision#jakkan
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for the character asks... rose >:3
im assuming chairman and AHAHHAH. lets fucking Go.
first impression, to be completely honest i didnt like him. thought he was dumb. classic case of dislike the bad guy
impression now? well. i mean. [gestures to my icon]. i love the guy. hes fucking awesome. what a loser. but also what the Fuck he runs all of galar??? thats fucking insane dude. he has so much power. christ. to be completely honest ithink they fumbled the writing of him.
favourite moment is when yOU BATTLE HIM. HIS BATTLE. OH MY GOOD GOD. his battle theme fucks so hard. i love how like serious and kind of tense it is. oh my god. also this
(and just generally when hes in that fuckass disguise. i hate him hes so cringe)
idea for a story. how about. actually seeing him be a fucked up corrupt guy who literally has power over the entire fucking region. he owns EVERYTHING in galar except for like... tiny small businesses. and thats just normal?? can we get more on that please. also why did his company steal research notes & make a type:null. what was that for.
unpopular opinion: HES A REALLY GOOD CHARACTER AND NOT FUCKING GROSS AND WEIRD??? HES NOT AS BAD AS EVERYONE SAYS????? HES LITERALLY NORMAL. FUCK. STOP PAINTING HIM AS IF HES THE WORST PKMN VILLAIN EVER HES LITERALLY NOT. HES LITERALLY JUST SOME GUY HES LIKE PROBLY ON THE SAME LEVEL AS TEAM ROCKET. good fucking lord. no one understands him like i do. [is forced to go to the other points]
favourite relationship? him and oleana oh my good god i love him and oleana. they are best friends to me but shes like fucking Tired of him. i adore them forever and ever.
favourite headcanon. well. him and oleana being best friends forever and ever is a top one. but also i like to think that he totally went through a like. goth/punk phase at one point when he was young. what happened? trauma, probably. now he listens to classical and things of that type. lol. sometimes he'll put on junk he used to listen to tho. ends up having a breakdown whenever he does. no one knows this. except maybe oleana.
UM. YEA. i like him. A Lot. i will defend him until i die
#asks#ask game#pokemon#chairman rose#i fucling love hcairman rose so much he makes me terribly ill#no one gets him like i do#i hate the fandom. why are tehy so Weird nd Gross about rose#literally got told i cant talk abt him in a server because the people there are 'uncomfortable with rose'#like fuck off.#uhh.anyway yeah. ill shut up now
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pythia my beautiful discount hippolyta i will love you forever and ever and ever
#every ww fan you must pick at least 3 random extra amazons to be obsessed with NOW!!!!#you get 1 tier for the pythias ios menalippes and actually developed ones#then another for the euboeas and mnemosynes and whatnot who to my knowledge are often there but never get more expanded focus#nd then you need your ladies who have been mentioned 1 time in one random annual or precrisis comic (mala id count in cat 2 though probably)#and then ofc the ocs. you have to become obsessed w at least one amazon lesbian couple you made up to get the top tier wondy fan pass its#literally the law. just ask george perez his oc philippus is married to hippolyta right now. another reason why hes the man#also who got them together in canon anyways. feels like one of the usual suspects#YES IT WAS RUCKA IN REBIRTH. thank you my goat. or well i was just singing perez's praises and there can only be one goat per post but thank#you mr rucka a silver medal for that#anyways my fave 1 issue wonder is venicia of themyscira from the perez annual where the kapatelises visit themyscira#shes really good at diving and i had a whole thing back during the summer olympics where i imaged an amazonian team in the olympics and what#that would be like and the stuff that would have to go w it (designed an amazonian flag and maybe ones for the tribes too though i cant find#those ones now)#god why did i never post any of that stuff its all in the notebook what is wrong w me#i used to post au ideas but now i rarely do for some reason someone make me go into my many amazon plot bunnies ive written down in various#places. like my pythia post earlier i wonder if her being a top 5 amazon for me came out of nowhere in general when its like ive had the#start of a pythia & julia epistolary fic based on my favorite poem from when i was 17 in my files for over a year now#need to be more courageous abt my posting here honestly or get active in dms or a mutuals discord or something bc i never go into my full#thoughts on here for some things. like i literally dropped footprints my ficlet and dipped instead of going into what it meant and how it#functions as a snapshot into the version of lizzie prince i see as meaningful and contributive to established ww storylines and characters
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whenever mum and i watched DS9, she'd repeatedly forget julian's name. refering to him as "the doctor", "the pom" and "the one you like" instead. there's never been a person more indifferent to julian bashir than my mother. well, you can imagine my tight chested panic when halfway through "dr. bashir i presume?" my mum asks, genuinely baffled, "wait who's julian???". because such an episode requires you to care about julian. so, in a squeaky voice, i informed her, "the english one! the one the episode is about" and she goes "ohhhh got it. got it now, i'm with ya"
don't worry. she ended up caring about julian bashir
the highlight being hearing her say with stunned awe and delight
"oh... he's like us"
#she said to me ''i see why you like him now!'' kjhfsakjhfs#i love how the obvious ND allegory is what it took for her to understand#because she couldn't wrap her head around the idea that i'm sexually attracted to him#i remember one time i breathily said ''he's so beautiful'' during an ep and she looked at me utterly baffled jhdsjhgds#btw she continued to keep forgetting his name because thats just a problem my mum had#and she wasn't as connected with DS9 as with voyager and next gen (the latter two being what i was raised on)
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I do not fw maxwell even a little but i do dabble in yuri and when i say that i mean specifically from hera's pov. herawell is just SO fascinating from her perspective. and its also sickening.
#I AM ONLY ON LIKE EPISODE 50 I JUST FINISHED THE TIMELOOP EPISODE DO NOT SPOIL ANYTHING FOR ME!!! PLEASE!!!!#but like. maxwell did a lot for hera. she did more than anyone else and she did it with hera's wellbeing in mind#and obviously hera was unhappy with this at first (i wouldve been too) but maxwell was helping and maxwell helped with a LOT#she made her pain go away and she taught her where her insecurities started#she gave hera a chance to try and regulate herself again and be okay and loved#and hera loves eiffel we know that he's her best friend. but she didnt tell him because its true he wouldnt have been able to do anything#it just wouldve been yet another thing nobody can help her with#and maxwell COULD!!! not only could she help. she could figure it out without being told#and hera TRUSTED HER. a LOT!!!#and then within a day that person has dug their fingers into her brain. manipulated and used her. and then died.#right in front of her. at the hands of her commander#(her commander who was almost always opposed to killing also. hera probably thought she wouldnt go through with it)#and its just like what hilbert did (and hes dead now too rip but he always made it clear he didnt care about hera)#but its from a person she loved and cared about and who cared about her#it happened in a day. a DAY#and then shes gone forever#AND AND ITS DIFFERENT FROM EIFFEL. IN MY EYES#eiffel went MISSING. they said he was PRESUMED dead and she was pissed about that and she was frustrated and sad and upset#she was mad at lovelace she had somewhere to vent her feelings. and then they got eiffel back#but she WATCHED maxwell die. nd then watched lovelace come back too. and at the funeral she doesnt know what to do because. shes just gone#eiffel didnt leave behind a million unanswered questions#he was eiffel. she knew how he felt and she knew how she felt. that was that#but maxwell turned on her so fast and then just. died.#she was gone and hera couldnt ask her why or what was running through her mind. and she'll never get that back#and anyways thats incredibly compelling doomed toxic yuri in my brain#im not a big shipper in this fandom. but if i can make something one-sided i will#and herawell. possibly one-sided (but hera will never truly know) toxic doomed yuri. do you get it#tzu rambles#w359
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of course my dad had to ruin last night's dinner (we were celebrating my cancer test coming out negative 🙃) by bitching about how mental health is not a thing and that if my spoiled ex was poor and working a hard job he wouldn't have severe ADHD
#like hey thanks for telling me (not ND but VERY anxious) and the neurodivergent ppl i know we are NOT valid and just spoiled 👍#like thanks a lottttttt that was helpful. now my mom didn't accept a fucking mother's day hug bc I “destroyed everything” by calling him ou#but it's my fault not the fact that he's an absolute bitch and denies the fact that yes. his daughter takes controlled meds for a reason#also why is he jealous of my ex like we broke up 1 yr and a half ago lmaooooooo#why did he even ask me about him. like yeah dude nick is suffering just as usual poor guy just got on venvanse and might become okay but#why tf do you care if you just wanna use his example of a low functioning adult that was spoiled as a kid. to prove a point that#SOMEHOW being spoiled is why he's “ill”. I WAS NOT SPOILED AND HAVE A JOB/CAREER AND TAKE ANTIPSYCHOTICS MY MAN#but nono nononono. I'm just playing. im not anxious actually I'm just doing it for attention! of fucking course.#also my dad is def mentally ill but eternally in denial#happy mother's day obv being ruined by men yayyyyyyyyy#rants
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Oh yeah speaking of alter stuff we split a new introject a bit ago and they’ve been extremely freaked out, more-so than any other we’ve had. Introjects are frequently freaked out as yknow, their split off from real characters we like, nd people online have been extremely weird to us over that stuff, but this one in particular is extremely frightened by just, existing.
#it goes to say we split a dale alter and he’s like extremely freaked out#we don’t know why#usually Song tries to comfort new alters#had a talk w friends nd am ruminating right now so maybe things will even out soon#everyone be nice to the new friend in due time !!#as it seems just existing is making them overly apologetic#we really do wonder why this one came with so much pre existing dread#did tag
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boy how do you reblog such great things
been cultivating my dash for years. i also found most of them in my drafts
#looked at my drafts to find a Rb about my day / the boy i like (☕) BUT. IT ATE JT LMAO POST IS GONE#however i will do it here and now#SO IT WAS “CULTURE DAY” TODAY BUT MOST PPL USE IT AS NON UNIFORM DAY#I go in & see ☕ in form and go to assembly blah blah blah dont see him again until 3rd period#i sit behind him in english bc we have a room change and i have an excuse hes sososo funny and talks to me like the whole time#same as biology but he got kicked out for talking too much lol#then at lunch he disappears nd im a little bummed BUT HE APPEARS FROM THE HALL AND INVITES ME#so i go and bring my friends too and we sit while he & some younger years dance#and hes dancing and slaying etc etc all flamboyant /pos /pos /pos sometimes on the stage sometimes near us#near us he looks. fucking DEAD into my eyes and sings along to the song when its like “i know you like me” or sum#NDJSBDJSBE AHHHHH#and im sat a little away from the group but he sits with me specifically#friendgroup takes a pic without me really noticing & my friend Annabelle jokingly goes “why is Bev looking at ☕ with so much love”#I laugh it off. but ohhh ny god u have no idea. i was heart eyes motherfucker the whole time#HES SO CUTE IM SCREAAAAMING WITH THE WAY HIS KIPPAH KINDA MOVES HIS HAIR & HIS NEW GLASSES & SHIRT THAT ISNT UNIFORM SO I CAN SEE HIS WAIST#UGHFJSBSKSB MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD#hes so cool its so scary to be around him#then in PE we were meant to habe just dance for the last 2 weeks but theres been no available room#our group were in the gym but we got permission to wonder around instead#☕ says “whatre you doing?” i say “walking aimlessly” and he says “OH MY GOD PERFECT SAME LETS DO IT TOGETHER”#so him & me & my friends r walking and then im like. can we play just dance in the tennis courts#So he gets it on his phone starts playing and dibs me as a partner for Girlfriend and Timber. oh my sweet lord.#GODDD HES SO PRETTY AND FUNNY AND COOL IM OBSESSED WITH HIM OH MY GOD.#so anyway. thats the answer to your question LMAOOO#loz tag#asks#beverly says stuff#the bev is gay chronicles#☕#like before i wasnt sure if i LIKE-LIKED him or if it was hyperfix or smthn. im now 100%sure i really really like him
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🥺
#jay and donna#dc#i do love jason retreating into existentialism after daddygate blew up in his face#bc like all thru lost days & utrh Jason's like... ppl keep commenting that#he doesnt seem at all concerned by how or why he came bacm#back*#treating it like its obvious self evident etc#the loneliness Nd lostness hitting jason fullforce now is. 🥺#countdown#this is no. 48
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im ngl i had a lil breakdown before my shower (which i took just before i went to bed to chill and watch the new eps) abt some thought-id-already-worked-all-thru-it irl stuff that resurfaced on me like trauma tends to and i just
it made everything in the show so. I don't know how to say it right. but i feel seen and understood and emotionally overwhelmed in a safe yet weird way, just like i did with a lot of s1 and I am Feeling So Much akdnfkgb (i cannot stress enough that this is a Good Thing and I'm absolutely thrilled and happy with the new eps and like. Going to be fine mentally I just gotta wrangle this like i have the times before.)
#text post#god i need a therapist that specialises in PTSD when i can afford therapy again#in the meantime recognition of the self thru the admired other while im in this state weirdly helps#makes me feel like im gonna burst out of my skin and I'm blasting metal in my ear buds to deal with that for now#gonna sleep eventually#i think lmao#im fine honestly bc like. this is not my first breakdown by any means but just. the fucking timing could not have been better#that said i both need a hug and absolutely could not handle being touched rn so that's something#no one's gonna read this far so im gonna just let myself have one little extra messy vent in that#my stupid fucking dad triggered part of this last one and I'm so mad abt it#he doesn't give two fucks abt me now (but he'd pretend to if he saw me in person bc jason LOVES keeping up appearances)#and he would just do a little nod and smile and talk over me telling him all that's happened this last year#i moved across the fucking country with help from friends so i wouldn't wind up dead in ND#and that's the thing i keep surviving and I dont understand why when I'm so often stressed and struggling to want to live#that and more has been sitting weighing and i just. want to tell him all of this and for him to be proud of me#he'll never be proud of me the way i want bc even my mum hasn't pulled that off#where they're proud of me as I am with no caveats or hiding parts of myself#if u think this is bad pls know i deleted a maximum tags tag essay/trauma dump just before this on this post lmao#i am In The Soup rn but it's gonna be fine#gonna rewatch s2 eps and be slightly but safely triggered by bits of ed and izzys stuff and get stoned and try to. process feelings#find some ptsd therapy worksheets online like dr. blohm suggested i try#forgive me the long tags and scroll by it fast if u want/need friends ill try to contain my current mess to this post & few others
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Hey guys. gay rights



#i already made the sonic one a while bc yknow. kinnie stuff youve all seen my blog theme#but then i was wearing my Fearless Year of Shadow(tm) shirt along with it and my irl bff was like.#'why are you wearing a sonic bracelet with that shirt if you love shadow so much 🤨' *#(he doesnt know much about sth stuff but ive infodumped abt shadow and his backstory to him many times)#and i was like 😭😭 BECAUSE I DONT HAVW A SHADOW KANDI BUT I WANNA MAKE ONE. I WILL SOON#so. now i do!! taking my ad/derall on the weekends always make me want to make more kandi. its great!#and yknow what else it makes me want to do...... talk more on here >:3333#me and my dad are gonna go to a local jazz festival this afternoon bc our jazz combo is playing at it!!#itll be fun. my dad said hes gonna get some food from this really good breakfast place on the way thwre#which is not the best part. the best part is outside the shop there is a wonderful kitty cat who hangs around the parking lot#bc hes owned by the ppl who own the bar right next door#its so great. everybody knows him (the cat) and loves him. the v/ape shop next door has a tip door set up for him even though the#bar owner ppl take care of him and take him to the vet nd stuff. my dad found a faceb/ook page somebody made for him#and apparently it just has pictures of ppl at the bar holding him. its so great and hilarious. this cat is so loved#by the v/ape shop people. by random people at this beachtown bar. by the breakfast shop people.#anyways uh. this post was abkut kandi wasnt it 😭😭😭 lol#cherry chortles#anyways the add/er/all also usually makes me want to look at and sort through my pkmn card collection. so imma do that#because my dads friend (and my friend too i guess! me and him exchange cat photos bc he has this adorable chunky cat named gremlin) that we#play bar trivia with on tuesdays (dw its not really even a bar. its mostly a restaurant) asked me abt my pokemon card collection#bc the final question was to put a few franchises (it was like. dora the ecplora and spide/rman etc. and pokemon) in order of revenue#and obvs pokemon was the top. bc of factors like the trading cards so thats how that came up#we didnt bet any of our points btw but we almost! got it right! the order was pk/mn dora spidamen friends (the tv seies) but we had spidman#as second. but we still won!! our team is on a two game winning streak!!! we always split the money so next week ill get another 8 dolla >:3#wow i havent hit tag limit yert#lol. yall'll open the 'see all tags' thing and boom. do you love the color of the sky type shit 😭😭😭#sorry that sounds too much like aave. i (white baby) cant be sayin that#cherrys kandi#okay well i had a tag with a verse from the ultimarw showdown bc i didnt know what else to say#but with my kandi tag and these two tags i have hit tag limit. thank you folks ill be here all night
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#omg that last post made me think of the time i went on a date w this dude af he was talking about his brothers nd i was like i have to ask#do boys beat the shit out of each other … like u would just go up to ur brother and hit him#he looked at me like i was soooo dumb nd was like well yes of course#like why the fuck would i know that !#now it’s pissing me off liek whatever sorry can it be my turn to hit u#lia posting#to delete
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Akihiko ilysm I wish people in/out of universe didn't treat you like a one-note boring guy who only ever talks about the thing he's interested in (which in itself isn't bad but they treat it like it is).
#art talks about stuff#he's one of those kind of unfortunate autistic-coded characters where like#everyone finds them annoying/stupid and not in a ''character or two finds them annoying in a self contained way''#and more in a#''it feels like the writer is just projecting their feelings about a likely nd person they know irl and find annoying onto the world'' way#and if not annoyance its played for comedy#like don't get me wrong i like his recording scene. it's relatable or whatever#but (to me at least) you do get the feeling that a good chunk of it is just ''wow akihiko can't talk to girls point and laugh''#from what i've heard yusuke gets hit with this a bit too in p5 but i know fuck all about that game for the time being#man why is everyone so mean to my two favourite p3 characters... hell world#edit: i realise now it sounds like i hate the revording scene. i don't really idk why i spotlighted it here so much
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