#new hyperfixation alert 🚨🚨 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jasongotdrip · 7 months ago

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FREAKING YAP ALERT 🚨

hyperfixation is so weird like. finish a show (in this case, arcane) and think about it until you finish a game (mouthwashing) and you think about that until you think about a show you used to watch (hxh) and you think about that until you’re thinking about those finished shows and games at the same time and you’re just buzzing. buzzing. just brrr like an overwhelmed calculator that’s doing multiple problems at once. BECAUSE I WANNA MAKE ARCANE ART LIKE I SAID I WOULD. I WANNA MAKE MOUTHWASHING ART BUT I’VE ONLY MADE ONE VIDEO. AND NOW HXH IS COMING BACK TO ME😭😭 ALONG WITH EVERY OTHER FANDOM/INTEREST I HAVE???🙏

IM SORRY THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HYPERFIXATION BUT I NEED TO YAP.

this is a vent that’s been building up since like October👍

I HAAATE HAVING “RIZZ” IM SORRY BUT WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP LIKING ME. I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING MAN. I LITERALLY JUST EXIST. IM A FILLER FRIEND WHO KEEPS EVERYONE HAPPY.

feelings are completely valid, of course. i respect everyone. it’s hard for me to develop feelings without like.. idk. I might be demiromantic or something on that spectrum. But that’s besides the point.

I make it my goal to stay on good terms with everyone. I just want to make people happy, that’s all i’m here for. if you have feelings, shoot your shot!

but please, PLEASE. You don’t confess your love to someone you’d met 3 months ago. You DONT, confess to someone you’d met 3 months ago,who you KNEW was in New Orleans, SEEING THEIR GRANDFATHER. FOR THE LAST TIME.

if any year of my life were a test, 2024 would have been it. I moved houses, schools, lost people physically and mentally, gained people, and matured. well i had to, of course.

on Tuesday October 22, 2024. 2 days after getting home from visiting my grandfather. my world went silent in the parking lot of my sister’s college. I stood there staring at the ground after being told he passed away. I can’t even remember how long I stood there. I felt my phone slip out of my hand onto the ground and I felt my sister’s arms around me but I didn’t move. The drive home with my mom was silent. Then the phone calls and texts rolled in from my family, but I was still silent. I was angry. Grateful that he wasn’t in pain but angry that he had to suffer in the first place. I didn’t tell any of my friends until the next day, at school, after breaking down in class. Some still don’t even know. My voice stayed quiet for a while after that. I saw my dad for the first time in months. I saw family and friends and I realized as much as it hurts, I’ll always be grateful to have people that care.

honestly something in me wants to believe he’s still in new orleans. not in the hospital, dancing and singing at restaurants. i tried convincing myself at the funeral too. but as i walked out that church I realized I can’t live my life the way i have been.

I stepped up and i started making friends. Me, the introverted quiet kid, talked to people. I visited my dad, and my family more than ever. I broke the mould i put myself into. I reached out to some old friends from old schools. Most of all, I started appreciating little things about myself. I used to absolutely hate my freckles and my curly hair, and while i can’t say i LOVE myself, i don’t hate myself… as much. And that’s huge for me. I can’t say my sh habits have gotten better.. but i’ll work on that. :)

i realized i changed in confidence mentally but also physically— this isn’t the best example, so i’ll be vague. when my mom and stepdad fight i always feel words bubbling up in my throat like lava. I want to tell them to stop, that my siblings shouldn’t hear it. And guess what? That’s what i did!! When things get out of hand i don’t even care I’ll literally speak up. …sometimes they’ll tell me to shut the hell up or go away. But sometimes they listen. I think they noticed how much risk I take now. Hit me I literally do not give a freak. And then i’ll clean the entire house, loudly or quietly because i clean when I’m absolutely seeing red.

for sure , music helps. when I’m buzzing angrily or i’m feeling horrible or anxious, i put on my headphones and I manipulate myself into feeling the happiness from a song. I learned how to literally make myself happy, even if it’s just a cover up lol

another thing i realized? I can’t live my life without doing something to help this curse of a disease. I want to help people and families with cancer. Any type. I’ve never felt so strongly about my future. Whether it’s full time or not, I want to work in the medical field as a nurse, oncologist or something like that. A dream hit me then, if i started some kind of organization to donate and help families travel to their patients, to visit them and remind them that they’re loved, and that they have things to live for. That’s a huge stretch and i have no idea how I’d accomplish it, but it’s worth thinking about.

because too much of my family has been lost to cancer. cancer eats away at families and no one deserves to go through it. i want to help. whether it’s helping families, patients themselves, researching, or anything.

I’m only a teenager so this career/life dream is probably gonna warp or change, but I’ll always want to help somehow.

now i uh.. don’t remember why I’m saying all this on a tumblr post. It was supposed to be about hyperfixation but now im feeling inspired? I might have gone through every emotion writing this.😭

#certified yapper #YAPPPPPER #I SWEAR TO YOU #I HAVE NEVER YAPPED THIS HARD TO ANYTHING BEFORE NOT EVEN MY NOTES APP #WHAT WAS THIS POST EVEN FOR AGAIN #hyperfixation #uhhhhh #yknow maybe it’s best to just ignore this #spilled a lot out and idk why i feel like putting it on tumblr? maybe I feel like I’m talking to someone instead of just writing it down😭

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clinquaant · 3 years ago

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101 PLOT BUNNIES / Slow Ride, a Bradley Bradshaw Fanfiction

CASSIE “BIRDIE” BLACKWOOD WASN’T SURE OF MANY THINGS IN HER LIFE, but one thing was for certain: she was exactly where she belonged. Back at North Island after a three-year stint in Africa, Cassie was more than ecstatic to return to her old stomping grounds. After all, she hardly remembers the last time she stayed at North Island for more than a couple months at a time, usually rotating between her mother’s house in D.C. and the international missions she’s been deployed on.

While not a huge believer in fate, Cassie believed that the universe was pulling in her favor — well, somewhat. A preview of the special assignment’s roster would have been nice, but then again, Cassie performs her best under pressure. And attempting to keep a pretty hefty secret under wraps from her fellow aviators — a certain someone in particular — all the while being taught by the provocateur of it all?

Yeah…let’s see how little Birdie fights her way out of this one.

[ pinterest / spotify / wattpad ]

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