#not enough hours in the fcking day

[sprnklersplashes]

losing my mind just a little bit 😜

[the-most-humble-blog]

<div style="white-space:pre-wrap"> <meta consciousness-integrity="corrupted"> <script>ARCHIVE_TAG="REALITY_FAILURE::PERCEPTUAL_LOOP_COLLAPSE" EFFECT: derealization, sleep-anomaly recall, metaphysical panic </script>

🧠 BLACKSITE SCROLLTRAP — “SORRY TO BE A BUZZKILL… BUT WHAT IF YOU DON’T EXIST?”

===

Sorry to be a buzzkill again. But you know me. Mr. Humble doesn’t show up to rub your tummy. I show up to slice through your delusions like they owe me rent.

And today’s delusion?

“Of course I exist.” “Of course this is real.” “Of course this isn’t just a dream that’s outlived the sleeper.”

Yeah? Prove it.

—

Here’s the thing:

This world doesn’t make sense. It shouldn’t exist. Not like this. Not with these constants. Not with this precision.

Do you understand the probability of YOU even having a working cell membrane based on the atomic conditions required?

And yet— you eat pizza rolls and doomscroll through algorithms like any of this is normal.

What if I told you this wasn’t real?

Not in the Hollywood "we’re in a computer" kind of way. But in the you might just be a memory living through its own echo without knowing it’s over kind of way.

—

What if you’re just… a past self, replaying itself. A loop. A snapshot of a soul. Running the tape back with perfect illusion that it’s all happening now.

You wouldn’t know. Because the loop contains all your memories.

—

“Preposterous,” you say? “I think, therefore I am,” you say?

Your brain can’t even comprehend true eternity.

Tell me what happened before the first Big Bang. Now tell me what triggered it. Now tell me how many came before that.

Now tell me what came before that.

See? You don’t know. You assume. You build certainty atop vapor and call it science.

But you can’t even stay awake for five days without descending into hallucinated hell.

--

📉 STAT: Sleep deprivation causes visual and auditory hallucinations within 72-120 hours.

📉 Another STAT: Subjects deprived of sleep begin confusing dream logic with waking cognition.

📉 Another Fcking Creepy STAT: Witnesses in close proximity to the sleep-deprived sometimes report shared delusions.

--

Yeah. Let that part marinate.

Imagine seeing "things" and hearing voices just by being in close proximity to that person.

There are actually people who’ve claimed to have stayed awake long enough to break the lock on this plane of perception.

And when they did?

Others around them saw it too. External to them. Realer than dreams. Louder than reason.

—

So what if this isn’t “your life”? What if this is just the last thing you saw before you ceased to be?

And your brain’s just looping on the ride out. Endlessly. Forever. Believing it’s linear. Believing it’s new.

But it’s not. It’s a cassette tape in a godless VCR stuck on repeat.

—

You think your memories mean this is real? That just makes it a better simulation.

You think other people validate your sentience? You can’t even prove anyone else is conscious. All you can do is hope they’re not just projections designed to hold your delusion together.

NPCs that glitch in just enough nuance to seem alive but never go deeper than the script allows.

Ever try to REALLY wake someone up in a dream? They look scared. Or blurry. Or they disappear.

—

So… what if this is that dream? The one where your “reality” is scripted, pre-loaded, and ready-made the moment you look for it.

What if the moon only exists when you think about it?

What if your dog has no soul but your memory of him keeps him real?

What if you’re not moving forward but instead falling backward through every version of yourself you’ve ever believed in?

—

You wouldn’t know. Because the illusion is complete. It has your memories. Your traumas. Your dreams.

But all of it? Could’ve been injected. A second ago. Last week. Last eternity.

You say you were born?

Who told you that? Your mom? How do you know she’s not part of the set?

You say you slept last night?

How do you know that wasn’t the real world and THIS is the dream you haven’t woken from?

You say “of course I’m real”?

Then why do you panic when it gets too quiet? Why does 3:17 AM feel like a haunted mirror?

Why can’t you remember what it felt like to be born?

Why are you so scared of being alone with no notifications no updates no attention?

Because if this falls apart, so do you.

—

Anyway.

Have a good night. Sleep tight. And if you wake up tomorrow with no memory of this post— or too much memory of it— then maybe just maybe

You already existed… long enough to forget that you didn’t.

🧠 Read more respect-coded doctrine and emotional architecture at: 👉 https://www.patreon.com/TheMostHumble 🛡️ Masculine polarity. Scrolltrap psychology. Unforgiven words. 🚪 Warning: This post has disrupted timelines, interrupted dreams, and triggered silent breakdowns at 2:43 AM.

</div> <!-- END TRANSMISSION [YOU NEVER WOKE UP. THIS IS THE LOOP.] -->

[manethabanana]

Vanessa Ives x Agatha Harkness

What's their common denominator?

Patti LuPone!

In both shows, Penny Dreadful and Agatha All Along, Patti played the witches Joan Clayton and Lilia Calderu, respectively. Each of them got an almost hour-long featurette with some of the finest storytelling l've seen.

And what's more, Joan and Lilia uttered some of the most unforgettable dialogue that I still think about to this day.

But probably the most damning and striking thing was that both of her characters died tragically and poetically.

And as if that were not enough, both shows concluded with the main characters on their deathbeds—mourned by those who understood them most.

So, if I see another show in the same vein as Penny Dreadful and Agatha All Along, and Patti’s in a supporting role as a witch, I’ll know exactly what to expect. I'd brace myself for a gem of an episode about her character, a notepad ready for another unforgettable quote, and slowly prepare myself to mourn the possible eventual demise of the main character by the end of the fcking show. 💁🏻‍♀️

[koiiiji]

author's note ; i literally feeling like this crying bulldog. you eating healthy because you wanna lose weight, i eat fcking plain food because my stomach takes any fried, junk food, anything that is not boiled as personal offence... we are not the same😔😔 (i'm jealous one)

it's just self inserted, this stuff been my personal pain for past 2 months, so yeah... cheers to everyone suffering from same shit or just dieting ✌🏻😔

Hwangyeon Choi (as worst supporter ever, but best gremlin)

it was saturday evening, and you found yourself seated across from Hwangyeon, watching in half-amusement, half-despair as he polished off his second order of extra-crispy, extra-spicy fried chicken. the smell alone was enough to make you feel a deep, primal longing. you sat with your rice bowl, glancing over at him with big, round eyes as he tore into a piece, all smiles and bliss.

he noticed your stare and grinned, holding up a crispy wing in front of you. “hey, you sure you don’t want to try it? just one little piece?”

you sighed dramatically. “Hwangyeon, my stomach thinks fried food is a personal attack. one bite and i’ll be dying on the couch, moaning about my life choices, and then you’ll feel guilty and be like, ‘i’m so sorry for making you try it.’”

he raised an eyebrow, giving you an exaggerated skeptical look. “me? feel guilty? nah, I’d be fine. i’d be over here with my crispy wing, whispering sweet nothings to it. ‘shh, don’t listen to her, baby. you’re perfect just as you are.’”

you burst out laughing, swatting his arm. “you would be whispering to fried chicken! who’s your real girlfriend here, Hwangyeon?”

he gave the wing an exaggerated kiss before taking another bite, groaning in pure bliss. “this is the love of my life,” he mumbled around a mouthful of chicken. “seriously, it’s a miracle food. crispy, spicy, juicy — how do you not eat this?”

you gave him an amused, knowing look. “i did try it. once. remember? and then i spent the entire next day clutching my stomach in agony, and you looked at me like i’d broken your heart.”

Hwangyeon paused, looking sheepish. “okay, maybe i do remember that. but come on! you’re missing out!”

you leaned back, crossing your arms. “oh, i’m missing out? on what, babe? six hours of burning stomach and that lovely bloated feeling where i can’t button my pants?”

he winced, then grinned. “look, that’s just part of the experience.”

you groaned, burying your face in your hands with a dramatic sigh. “evil. pure evil. how do i even tolerate you?”

“easy.” he took another smug bite. “i’m adorable and you’re totally in love with me.”

“bitch” you mumbled, pretending to sulk. “one day, i’ll join you, and you’ll be the one who has to keep up with me.”

he took another bite, savoring it with his eyes closed. “and i am up for the challenge, no problem.”

you picked at your rice, giving him a mock suspicious look. “you know, if you ever do feel guilty, you could totally try some of my healthy, boiled food for a change.”

he stopped mid-bite, looking at you like you’d just suggested he jump off a cliff. “boiled… food? like, with no seasoning?”

you gave him a smirk. “like lightly seasoned. very healthy, good for your stomach, and won’t make you feel like a rock is sitting inside you. you should try it!”

Hwangyeon scrunched up his face, feigning horror. “lightly seasoned? oh no, next you’ll tell me you eat plain rice and drink unsweetened tea.” (no seriously, adding sugar to tea should be legally punished)

you raised your tea glass. “cheers to unsweetened tea.”

he looked scandalized. “i can’t even imagine… what does your stomach have against happiness?”

he picked up another wing, waving it in front of your face with a wicked grin.

and despite the fact that you still craved this chicken, you couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

Ma Teasoo (as steak king and grumpy old man 'it was better back in my days')

another cozy night in with Taesoo, and as usual, he was happily devouring a mountain of grilled steak and ribs. the savory aroma filled the air, and you couldn’t help but watch him with a mix of longing and amusement. he expertly handled his chopsticks, tearing into a juicy piece of meat, while you poked at your bowl of plain rice and boiled chicken.

Taesoo glanced over, his brow furrowing as he took in your meal. “are you really just having that?” he grumbled, shaking his head. “come on, babe, you should eat more. this isn’t enough to keep you going!”

you crossed your arms defensively. “it’s plenty for me! my stomach can’t handle heavy stuff, and i’m doing just fine with this.”

he let out an exaggerated sigh, his expression a mix of disbelief and concern. “boiled chicken and rice? that’s not real food! how do you expect to be strong? you need some good meat in your life!”

you raised an eyebrow, giving him a playful glare. “and end up feeling awful? no thanks! too much seasoning or salt or oil makes me feel like i’m dying.”

he huffed, rolling his eyes dramatically. “i just don’t get it! if i had to live on that, i’d be miserable. you’d be happier with a good steak!”

you chuckled, your lips curving into a smirk. “strong enough to be doubled over in pain? i’ll stick with my plain food, thank you very much!”

he leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, looking like a grumpy old man. “you’re too stubborn for your own good. one bite wouldn’t hurt! just imagine the flavor —”

“flavor i can’t handle, Taesoo!” you interrupted, raising your hands as if to ward him off. “i appreciate your concern, but i know what works for my stomach.”

he shook his head, still looking unconvinced. “you know, back in my day, we didn’t eat this rabbit food nonsense. we had real meals! if you were tired, you ate a good meat, and that fixed everything.”

you couldn’t help but laugh at his grumbling. “first, babe, what do you mean 'back in my days' you literally just two years older! second, if i ate a steak, i’d be on the couch moaning about my stomach for hours. not exactly my idea of a good time.”

he let out a reluctant chuckle, but his expression softened. “fine, but you’ve gotta promise me you’ll eat something more substantial than plain rice every now and then. just don’t make this a habit!”

you smiled, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “deal. i’ll throw in some boiled chicken and veggies. but i get to choose my meals, okay?”

“alright, alright,” he said, still looking a bit grumpy but unable to hide the affection in his eyes. “but i’ll always be ready to sneak some real food into your life when you’re not looking.”

you laughed, knowing full well he meant every word. and despite his gruff demeanor, his caring nature was always there, hidden behind the grumbles and playful complaints.

no but seriously, speaking about this eating topic, i found some good points! i can do separate post if you interested🤓🤔

[badasgirlfriend]

hey, love your fics! can you write something about bada lee x fem idol readers relationship pls

Happy | Bada Lee Imagine

pairings: bada lee x idol!reader

a/n: i kinda hate this but i tried my best hope u like it (i swear this looked better in my head)

Being an idol is fcking hard, Y/N will tell you that. It's toxic, it's draining, and she could sit here all day and tell you about every shitty part of it. She. But she chose this, she knew exactly what she was signing up for.

"This is hilarious," Y/N stated, barely able to control her laughter as she read out the various comments "I'm so disappointed with her, she was such a great idol, but now she's a disgrace!"

The room was illuminated by candlelight as Y/N laid in bed with Bada. The warm glow from the candles cast long shadows on the walls and ceiling, adding an air of intimacy. She could hear the sound of the rain outside, and she felt content and safe as she leaned against Bada's warm body. After finishing her concert two hours ago, Y/N was scrolling through the comments left by everyone. It was obvious that her decision to raise a lesbian flag had caused quite a stir, and the amount of controversy it had generated far exceeded her expectations.

She continued reading the comments, letting out a laugh at one she found particularly amusing. "This one's my favorite: 'I can't believe she supports gay people, she'll never get my money, that's for sure.' Oh no, Bada, my bank account will be empty"

Y/N's phone was suddenly taken from her, prompting her to turn and face Bada. Just as she did so, her girlfriend brought her closer in a passionate kiss. In response, Y/N naturally wrapped her arms around Bada, pressing their bodies together.

The kiss between began with a sense of gentleness and sweetness. In each moment of their connection, Y/N felt her heart fluttering with the same intensity that she had experienced in their first kiss. It was as though the world around them came to a standstill and the rush of emotions overwhelmed her. No matter how many times they kissed, Y/N still savored the moment like it was brand new.

"I told you to stop reading the comments." Bada's words were somewhat overshadowed by the passionate kiss that they shared as she voiced her concerns for her girlfriend. Even though she could recognize the humor in the comments, she also felt the worry and stress that the negative feedback was causing Y/N. She was well aware of the struggles that Y/N endured for her career, and the threats to boycott Hybe until they fired ber didn't sit well with Bada.

"I find them funny though" Y/N replied, responding to Bada's earlier comment. In her relaxed state, she playfully pecked her lover's lips

"But-"

"Bada, I promise you I'm ok. I don't care what they're saying. I love you, and just being near you is enough. I knew the consequences of my actions, and still, I did it without any regret."

Yn was now settled in Bada's lap, playing with the hem of her girlfriend's tshirt "Even if my company fires me, which I doubt because I pay their bills, I wouldn't care. I'd find a new company. What I matters to me is us being happy"

The words from her girlfriend sent chills down Bada's spine. The revelation that Y/N would sacrifice her dreams and ambitions for their relationship was sending her over the moon. In that moment, her thoughts were transported back four years to the start of their relationship. They were a young couple back then, still navigating the world of fame and uncertainty that came with it. Despite all their fears, they had found a connection and a place within each other that made them feel safe and secure. With Y/N's words reminding her, Bada reflected on how much they'd grown together and how far they'd come. It filled her with a sense of pride in their relationship and the trust they'd developed along the way.

Bada had grown accustomed to the rumors around her girlfriend and the various male idols she was constantly linked to, but she never cared. For her, she knew that Y/n loved her and that was enough. Her fans saw Bada nothing more than her friend and choreographer. Bada had become YN's personal choreographer, following her wherever she went. It was true that Bada created all the dances for her, even stepping in to be a backup dancer at times. They even mirrored each other as they wore matching outfits on stage and shared intimate moments during their vlives. But everyone else seemed oblivious to their romantic connection, thinking they were just close friends.

This year, however, something new happened. YN's fans were shipping both of them and the couple found it sweet and endearing It was like a whole new world had opened up for them - where they could be themselves and express their love without fear of judgment or criticism. And that was all they could ask for.

"Earth to Bada" The sound of her girlfriend's laughter was enough to break through Bada's thoughts, bringing her gaze towards her once again. It was hard to ignore the beauty and love of Y/N, as her kind essence and everything she did brought happiness to Bada. As she lifted her hand to tuck a piece ofyn's hair behind her ear, Bada's focus remained on her face as she spoke. "I love you so much,"

Y/N was quick to return her girlfriend's statement with an exclamation of her own. "I love you more, baby," she expressed, her face buried in Bada's neck as she was overcome with shyness. She could feel her lover's laughter and was amused by it, her heartbeat accelerating at the sound of the woman she loved laughing at her.

"I have an idea" Yn was swift to action, grabbing her phone

"Uh oh that's not good," Bada chimed, but only one glare from Y/N was enough for her not to continue talking

Bada watched Y/n bring the phone closer, recording them kissing. "Hoes Mad" played softly in the background, as Y/N mouthed along to the lyrics, kissing Bada on the lips again and grinning at the camera. Bada chuckled at her silliness,

"Annnd posted!"

Bada's grin disappeared at Y/N's words, her expression shifting to one of shock as she realized what she had done. "What-? You actually posted it?" She was genuinely surprised by Y/N's bold move, her voice tinged with concern and disbelief. Before she could question her further, a notification popped up on her phone, with a familiar username. She tapped on the link and was met with something unexpected from the video Y/N shared online.

Bada groaned "no what did you do, you will get so much in trouble"

"Oh calm down, it's not a big problem," YN replied with a dismissive wave. She grabbed Bada's phone and turned it off then doing the same to her phone who wouldn't stop blowing from the notifications. Y/N then casually tossed them on the sofa near them

"Now, let's enjoy our night," YN said with a smug smirk. Her hand reached over and slowly traced the outline of Bada's shirt until she found her way inside.

Bada's lips curved into a sly grin, she was lucky indeed

[queenpalms]

TLDR; please consider donating to me if you can. I need help to get past this supremely difficult time & it rly would mean the world to me. ty guys, ily💗

Cash App: $sierraflwrgrl

this is sort of a desperate post for $ due to being in an insane debt cycle since my ex fiancé of five years ghosted me the day after signing a year lease with me / ran away with one of my best friends of over ten years / lived with her (and at least one of my other girlfriends) while he ignored my desperate blue-wall texts for almost two months / during which he went on a drug binge to all my favorite bars in Miami with her /+ many other nefarious and hardly believable acts of betrayal

i’ve had to pay double the bills/rent unexpectedly while simultaneously dealing with the grief and pain of my new reality. add the torment of my ex giving this girl everything she needed to to stalk, harass, and slander me relentlessly over the next six months (while he ran away to another state) cuz she has no job, full support from her mother, and is severally mentally unwell.

since then I’ve lost two of my cats within one month, one to cancer and the other disappeared trying to transport her when my house was getting fumigated and it haunts me every day and night where she may be.

but one of the biggest stressors is the fact that since January my truck has been broken and I’ve been riding a 49cc scooter to my full time job literally logging 3k miles since, everyday from NMB to little Havana in fcking Miami the most dangerous city to drive in. my truck part costs $800 and thankfully the labor is handled but it literally seems so far away when rent is tomorrow and I’m about that much away from paying even that . it’s summer now and it’s going to be raining every day. today it was torrential and I wanted to give up.

my duplex looks insane and is completely dysfunctional as a living space b/c I never really moved in. i literally made desperate Instagram posts at the eleventh hour and had a bunch of strangers come help me “move” while I catatonically laid there depressed . these same strangers bought my shit that I didn’t really want to sell so I could afford to move. my fucking ex-friend came to my sale while my ex-fiancé was at her house and i didn’t know, still wondering where he was.

there are also several other ongoing factors and stressful issues occurring to myself and my family that I never would have imagined would be happening right now.

honestly in times like these I wish I could be more vengeful but I can’t even be. I always hesitate to post about this bc sometimes I still feel like I want to protect them. i know people that don’t like me will read this and say “hah!” and that’s OK . they don’t know what’s next for me. I’d rather not have most ppl know about all this in general really. but I have to allow myself to process. im too low . I’m just in this big fucking mess now.

I’m still doing my best and trying not to let important passions and once in a lifetime opportunities slip me by. I’ve moved personal and logistical mountains to make these malling events happen before they closed forever (all three in different Florida counties), pulled off so many creative side hustles etc. I still continue to photograph and document , I still advocate , I still help others and work hours and hours for free at the Hollywood historical society . I somehow have managed to keep my job although I never am on time for work anymore and have been talked to about that. before all this happened I was really on a roll finally diving into what i know I’m meant to do on this earth. due to isolating and not trusting anyone anymore I’ve already missed more deadlines and collaborations than I can bear . as proud as I am of myself it’s still not enough to get past this alone.

i know i will be better for this. i know this is one of those rock bottom moments before something big . honestly writing this has helped more than i thought . i’ve always expressed myself thru blogging and I just want to be me. sierra. it’s been hard keeping it in b/c I don’t feel like I know anyone who’s been in this particular kind of insane situation. I also don’t think anybody cares that much b/c they’ve got their own shit to worry about. I get that. I love you guys anyway. And I love them too.

[creata-r2]

Let me tell you something… a few thoughts of mine with you. Thoughts I should maybe keep to myself, but they don’t want to stay quiet. We’re at that secluded cabin, far from everything. No signal, no noise. Just the sound of the fire crackling and the slow hum of night insects outside. You’re lounging on the couch, shirt half undone, legs spread just enough to make my mouth dry. I’m pretending to read, but I haven’t turned a page in ten minutes. My mind is too busy crawling over you. You look up at me like you know. Like you can feel my stare dragging along your skin. And you don’t say a word... just smirk, like you’re daring me to act on it. I do. I toss the book aside, climb into your lap, straddling your thighs without a second thought. My hands in your hair, your hands gripping my hips like you’ve been waiting for hours. I lean in close, lips almost brushing yours, just enough to feel your breath, and I whisper, "I’ve been thinking about your hands on my skin all day." And then it starts... slow, aching, hot. Your mouth on my neck, my chest, pulling gasps from me like secrets. I grind down on you, still clothed, but the pressure is maddening. You pull my shirt off like you’ve done it a hundred times, fingers tugging, mouth eager. You flip me on my back, on the rug in front of the fire, and the heat of the flames matches the burn between my thighs. You kiss down my stomach, holding my legs apart like you own this moment... and maybe you do. I feel your mouth on me, hungry and filthy and perfect. You knew I wanted this... needed this. The way you moan into me, like you love the taste of me, like you’re drunk on it. I clutch at your hair, arch my back, whisper your name like a prayer and a curse. And you don't stop... not until my legs are shaking, not until I can barely breathe. But you’re not done. You crawl back over me, kiss me with my own taste on your lips. I want all of it. I want you to take me, fill me, make a mess of me on that rug in the flickering light. I want to feel your weight, your heat, your skin, your sweat... all of it. No filters, no holding back. Just raw, messy, perfect desire. So when you finally push inside me, it’s like everything else disappears. There’s only your mouth on my shoulder, your hands gripping my thighs, your voice in my ear saying, "You feel so fcking good." And I do. For you. With you. Around you. Every thrust is a promise, every sound you pull from me is yours to keep. And when it ends...with my body wrecked and yours trembling above me...I pull you close, bury my face in your neck, and think… This. This is what I wanted all along.

Now tell me… what were your thoughts tonight?

[jackieandwilsonbyhozier]

hi hello is anyone out there ? i need real life adult advice or maybe i just need ppl to pretend to listen to me so would anyone mind pretending for a moment. ok thank u

ill make it quick for the poll but put my actual thoughts under a readmore bc i have a lot to say sry....anyway vote in the poll reply reblog send me asks whatever just somebody help me for the love of god.

basically i hate my job and its killing my soul but im making pretty good money ($20/hour) but now they want to promote me to a manager which will kill my soul even more, but ill be making $27/hour. i kind of just want to quit but now theres that, plus if i stay for 2.5 more years i can sell my company stocks and get another big bonus. but again its fucking killing me working here

so i have been at my retail job for 2.5 years im a department manager and im very comfortable and confident in my position also im making $20 an hour which is great. i just got like a semi promotion i guess so now on days when they dont have a manager to close (usually 2 days a week) im the manager on duty and those days i make $22 an hour

however now they rly want to promote me to a manager full time. like the store manager and assistant manager r both telling me how great i would be and even the fcking district manager apparently agrees and wants me. i would be making ! $27 ! an hour which tbh is the only thing actually tempting me

i honestly kind of hate being a manager. i mean i like working with like the product and planning and paperwork and that stuff im confident in that but i hate hate hate actually having to manage PEOPLE. coworkers AND customers. im an extremely sensitive timid pushover-y person i just am and that is where i face the most difficulty. angry customers make me panic and i cant make myself be assertive enough for any of my coworkers to listen to anything i say

and most of all i hate the like manager culture/attitude. if uve worked in retail or probably anywhere else maybe ull know what i mean. like laughing at ur workers bc they asked for accommodations, making fun of them bc theyre all stupid and useless, chasing homeless ppl out of the store and shouting insults at them, basically just being a bully bc u know u can cuz ur in charge. and i rly rly dont want to participate in that and wont but then the other managers wont respect me lol

and actually bottom line is im sick to death of retail. this job is already draining me and if i become a manager im afraid itll be worse. obviously customers kill me and i would be happy if the rest of my life i never had to serve another customer. but even besides them. it takes me over an hour to bus to work and that wasted time adds up. i kind of put my all into work so when i get home i dont have the energy to do literally anything else. i dont know how to have a work/life balance i only know how to work. im a little bit living in filth it feels like bc i cant make myself do chores or take care of myself it feels like my life is just work, and then being at home waiting to have to go back to work

i havent gotten new piercings or tattoos in a couple years, and i havent cut or dyed my hair in over a year, its back to plain brown which i havent seen since i was like 17. its kind of killing my spirit not to be dramatic but thats the truth. art and creativity are the most important things to me and i feel like im losing myself bc i dont have the energy to keep up with stuff like that anymore the stuff i rly care about like my self expression, i feel like im killing myself in order to turn myself into a normie ass-kissing servant. i dont even draw anymore i dont do shit. im honestly kind of depressed as fuck. i mean i also havent been on my meds for over a year now which im sure isnt helping

but.........if i keep this up i could be making $27 an hour :-) the position is more than just being handed to me theyre practically begging me to take it. also another thing about my job is that u somehow accumulate/earn (?) stocks in the company, and after uve been here for 5 years u can sell them. but only if uve been working for 5 years. if u leave before that u lose them all. so if i stay another 2.5 years ill get another big bonus when i leave. but the thought of staying here that long kind of makes me wanna die😭

because thats the thing too and my final point, i honestly dont need the money. im 100% fine financially where i am rn. i have enough that i can pay my bills and put a lot in savings and buy my fun treats and whatever and i literally never ever worry about money this is the most money ive had in my life ive saved up quite a bit too. even if i just quit my job rn i would be good for like at least six months probably more. but i rly love being in this position financially lol. like im literally just like i love money yes i want more money thats the only thing making me want to stay

so i guess after typing all that out i can confidently say i dont like this job at all i just love money. im earning a lot already but i could be earning even more if i take the promotion but i AM losing my mind and kind of dont even want to work here at all anymore. i honestly dont know whats worth it i know all work is soul sucking and miserable so like should i just be grateful for what i have?? and what im being offered??

what i rly actually want to do is become a tattoo artist. i think i would be a lot happier and freer but my income would be a lot more uncertain as well which im very scared of like idk i havent been like tight on money and struggling in so long i dont want to give it up like ive been running like this so long idk how to stop. i rly dont know what to do

[reikurusu]

OMG GURL GO LOOK FOR ANOTHER JOB 😩 sheesh your work sounds a lot. and boss looking for you on a Sunday too?? 🚩🚩🚩

Aww Chromie, that's so sweet of you to send!! <3 T_T

The thing is, I actually really like my job! It's just been stressful lately.

We've had a colleague who's been out for 8 months because of burnout, so it was just me working full-time, a colleague who works part-time and a third colleague who works 4/5 but who's close to retirement so she... doesn't really do anything. Like, the bare minimum and even that's a lot to ask. Like, literally shopping online and booking trips the entire time she's there and it doesn't matter at all if anyone says something about it (and she's not the friendliest person around tbh) -_-

So because of that one colleague's absence, I technically had to work 6 out of 7 days to cover the opening hours of the library I work at (the almost-retiree covering most of the other hours, pretty much the only thing she's good for) + I had to cover the absent colleague's workload because my part-time colleague took on the head of dept tasks and didn't have time to take on even more because she works somewhere else as well. So it's been a lot. But luckily there were days I could leave early or take a day off (my overtime was just building up the entire time). So it sucked and it was tiring but all in all it wasn't too bad. I was alone at the office a lot of the time, so I could manage all of my work without distractions.

But since July, we have a new head librarian and he's... let's call it enthusiastic. In August, the colleague who was absent started again, but part-time for now. So we're almost fully staffed.

The thing is... Our head of dept wants to organize a lot of things. Because we were severely understaffed, we didn't organize any activities for almost a year, which he wants to change. So he organised author readings, wants new things in our collection, wants all classes of the elementary schools in the neighbourhood to be able to visit,... And he all wants it immediately.

He also started right when the part-time colleague had two weeks off, so I had to train him after only being there for like a year and half myself + having spent a large part of that time alone at the office. And I hate training people! So that wasn't fun. And during the times he is/was alone during opening hours and I'm not there (like during the weekend or something) and he has a question, I told him to call me so that I could help, but jfc dude you've been there for like 3 months already! Figure it out and don't call me on my only day off??

My one part-time colleague does a lot, but because she works part-time, she can only do so much. So our new librarian gives her extra work but realizes she can't do it all.

The almost-retiree doesn't get any extra work because she just doesn't care and wouldn't do it anyway (she's been there for 30 years!! She hates the job, literally calls people who read nerds(???), hardly does anything but apparently they can't fire her?? Fcking government jobs and their idiotic rules. I bet she's buddy buddy with the mayor).

And because the colleague who had burnout only works part-time and can't be given too much work because 'what if she can't handle it' or 'isn't healed enough to deal with a big workload', our head librarian has been giving me a lot of extra work because I'm the only other full-time person there.

I have my own work (adult non-fiction books), + still part of workload of the colleague who was absent for months (I have to order dvds, games and comics (+ maybe manga in the near future which is actually cool)) as well as covering shifts during opening hours and what not.

I like having a lot of work, so I always have something to do. But it sucks when someone constantly gives you extra stuff to do on top of your regular work, while not or hardly doing that to the other people there, and then has the audacity to send an e-mail telling you which things you have to prioritize, as well as the order in which to prioritize them. That's just insane to me?? Especially since I have my own to-do list and I know what I have to do and what's more important than other things. I just don't like someone looking over my shoulder like that.

I'm focused more the tasks he's been giving me than my own work! I have a delivery of books and comics that I have to put into the system that's been standing there for over a month because I just don't have the time to do it. I have to go through the old books and see which ones I should write off for our book sale in a month, but I just don't manage to get to it due to all the other stuff I have to do (and I have two weeks off in a week so I just can't do it).

On top of that, I also have to apply for my job! I'm working on a temporary contract right now and they want to keep me on a contract of indefinite duration, but because it's a government job, I have to apply for it and go through the whole process again!! And other people can apply for it as well, so there is a chance someone better comes out of it. So I have some low-key stress for that because I don't want to have to find a new job right now.

And I haven't even mentioned friends who constantly want to meet up and do things like I have nothing else to do on my days off

I hate being a people pleaser. I just can't say no or tell people that it's a lot because I feel like it's expected of me. Which really sucks. I should enter my villain era or something but I'm too much of a goody two shoes to do that aarrrhhhhh!!

Sorry this got so long... I feel like I needed to vent a bit xD Thank you so much for looking out for me, Chromie! It means a lot!! <3 x

[ozai-the-bonsai]

I will be raging on and on about damn stupid f*cking hormonal birth control fyi I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

I have been using combi pills for almost 18 months now, the first 9 months were literally perfect compared to my previous experiences with the pills, I didn’t really experience any side effects. But then it started with the constipation cycle, where I would get constipated for a WHOLE FCKING WEEK every month either on the third week or during the week off. I mentioned this to my obgyn and she said constipation is normally not a side effect of the pills WHICH IS PURE BULLSHIT I HAVE RECENTLY FOUND OUT AFTER GETTING LOST IN SUBREDDITS FOR HOURS DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY WOMEN ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING CONSTANTLY BLOATED AND CONSTIPATED BECAUSE OF THE FCKING PILLS?!?!

Anyways I was gaslighted into thinking my body simply hated me but since I could not (yet) pin the bloatedness and constipation to the pills I did nothing. And it was fine considering all else.

Then my headaches got more and more frequent. I mean, I have never known myself without headaches, I think I have something chronic but they do even less research for headaches and migraines compared to women birth control so no hopes here. Mama has migraine, grandma had them too so OF COURSE I have it as well but mine is milder, without aura, however even though it is not always sooo bad that I want to scratch my eyes out, it happens too often for my liking. Moreover, if I don’t get migraines I get other kinds of headaches like whenever the weather makes me feel too much pressure or when it suddenly changes from summer to winter (which happens A LOT in Germany). Anyways, I give my best to avoid taking painkillers too often but I am tracking the shit and I now (in my exam phase) tend to get headaches four fcking days in a row each week.

I know I have always had headache problems but it has never been this bad.

Oh and not to mention that my obgyn prescribed me the pills with the lowest dosage of hormones since my only concern is not to get pregnant (and not to have my period shift +7/-7 days each month it was exhausting with pregnancy fear and so forth). I guess pills with even less hormones is not an option.

But the worst thing started three months ago. I HAVE LOST MY FCKING SEX DRIVE. To provide more context here, I have been like super horny ever since I can recall (ever since puberty hit and stuff), and I loved it tbh. Normally, my boyfriend and I would have some sexy time at least once a day (we got together a month before I started the pills) if we had enough time maybe more. But lately, he is glad if it happens twice a week. I have literally stopped thinking about sex and I HATE IT I USED TO LOVE THINKING ABOUT SEX!!!!

Currently I have constant headaches, I am constantly bloated and constipated more often than it is healthy and I have nearly zero interest in sex anymore. I mean, what it the fucking point of taking hormones to prevent pregnancy IF I NO LONGER WANT TO HAVE SEX, PEOPLE?!?

I just hate it. I started hating my body because I look like I am pregnant all the time - I have what some might call “a pilates body” like lean and low fat and some muscle and stuff, and my body doesn’t really hold fat so whenever I follow a good schedule it takes only a month for my abs to show. And imagine now how such a woman would look like if she were constantly bloated. I look literally pregnant all the damn time with my lower belly sticking out like a fucking balloon so I stopped wearing figure toning clothes I USED TO LOVE THEM

I will be switching to IUD in a month and initial plan was to switch to a hormonal one but I have been reading and reading and I am not sure anymore if I should prefer the copper one. I am completely lost. I won’t be returning to condom only because I have had more than enough accidents with it and had to take plan b before often times, this is a risk I simply cannot take. Plus the irregular periods make it harder to track when my ovulation can possibly happen…

Long story short: I hate the way birth control industry is only interested in giving the male all the freedom while showing zero fucking interest in the way all this stuff is effecting the female. Most doctors do not even ACKNOWLEDGE side effects like losing sex drive and constipation and bloating WHICH ARE MORE COMMON THAN YOU WOULD THINK, ask any women with hormonal bc experience for more than a year. I hate it all with so much passion I hope these people spend the rest of their lives constantly stepping on sharp lego pieces and having chronic migraines and I wish erectile dysfunction to the males involved in this business. Have a good day.

[enid-rhees]

Heyy, just read ur Kelly headcanons, i fcking love Kelly (i should add her for my next tierlist LOL) but anyway, yeah i loved it, can u possibly do Yumiko or Connie dating headcanons? They're both so underrated, especially Connie, that'd be amazing :)

hello and thank u sm :D i’m gonna do Connie first and then Yumiko in another post :] hope you enjoy! 🫶🏻

warnings: slight nsfw [MINORS DNI]

a/n: hope you all enjoy! requests are open! if you’d like to request for anyone i write for, just read pinned for rules! 🫶🏻

i love Connie so fucking much

like that is my girl

but let’s get into it

she had the sweetest fucking smile that just lit up your entire world

you tried to speak first, and then she pointed to her ears and you realized that she was telling you she’s deaf

you were slightly embarrassed but that’s besides the point

if you didn’t already know ASL, you spent hours out of your day teaching yourself so you could speak to her

she caught you one day, you were outside with an ASL book below you. the cutest smile made its way to her lips and she sat in front of you

Connie always kept a notepad with her, so she opened it up and wrote something

‘i can help you :)’

your face burned when you read it . you set the notepad down and lifted your shaky hands

‘that would be great’ you signed

after that, the two of you spent hours everyday together as she taught you ASL

it didn’t take long for you two to grow feeling for each other

one night, the two of you were outside together

you nudged her shoulder and when she looked over at you , you lifted your hands

‘i think i’m falling in love with you’

she stared at your hands for a moment, wanting to make sure you meant to sign that

when she saw how nervous you looked, she knew you meant it

she smiled and lifted her hands

‘i think i’m falling in love with you too’

you moved closer to her, only inches away from her now

‘can i kiss you?’

Connie smiled and nodded, so you leaned forward and finally connected your lips

the two of you kissed for a WHILE

nearly a month into your relationship, you practically knew everything in ASL and you were able to communicate with her so easily

you protected her on runs and pretty much anywhere actually

her sister, Kelly, is very protective over her

so it took her the longest to warm up to you - understandably.

you understood completely , but also took your time to prove to Kelly that you loved Connie a lot

she really likes you now

especially after seeing you take care of Connie and watch out for her

the softest girl in bed

you guys are never rough with each other

it’s all sweet and gentle every time

she cares for you so deeply

Connie’s smile is so infectious

you can’t help but get all giddy just by seeing her smile

Connie is the embodiment of ball of sunshine

the two of you make the most of your alone time

it can get busy at hilltop which leads to you being away from her for hours

but at night when it’s finally time for bed

connie just crawls into your arms and you hold onto each other so tightly

her safe place is your arms 100%

just you holding her — it makes her feel so at ease

she’s so in love with you :(

please give this woman all the love you have

sleepless nights occur often so you’ll guys just sit outside with each other, reveling in each others presence

so many kisses are shared between you two

so many

at one point even Kelly is like “okay- stop- that’s enough”

that entire group is full of gay people that’s crazy

i made myself laugh with that sorry

but anyways

Connie = best girlfriend ever

🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

[nightsjod]

Since your "Friends" want to check up on this blog instead of you facing up to your own actions of bringing this up and proposals for "discussion" yourself and see i actually did message you PRIVATELY like this should have been. here

you are one of the most self centered emotionally controlling and manipulative friend i have ever had. the fact you keep COUNT of every time youve "helped" me through my "Troubles" and act like i have never once done anything for you is utterly insane behavior. i am EXHAUSTED from it. you wanted to end the friendship and im simply trying to honor that. im not fighting it. there is no point in fighting because i refuse to bend over and allow you to control every fucking thing i do again and you will not give in to see your own behavior EVER.

sorry i didnt want to TRAUMA DUMP on an anon like you so much like to do and try to remain optimistic and positive on my public blog but since you want to air out my own PERSONAL LIFE ON TUMBLR which you are very much in the wrong for doing so, ESPECIALLY using it as a weapon against me, fine. and especially since you want to go into fucking discord servers to claim i was lying about getting help after your messages, and publicly trying to call me a fraud then fine. i will also be public and honest like you want.

i tried to kill myself over this. i sincerely could not take it anymore and i felt like everything fcking shattered because no matter what i did no matter how hard i tried and what i did it was never good enough for you. you could never accept that i had a full time job, i had other friends, i had my own issues THAT DONT INVOLVE YOU and my own ENTIRE life and it was NEVER good enough for you. mad at me because i "dont follow through with plans" like we arent 24 years old and i work 50 hours a week? when have u ever once texted me "lets play this together tonight. lets see a movie tonight" you didnt. you are mad i didnt make the effort for YOUR life. i DID go to therapy because of it. you want to see the hospital and medical bills ive been paying because of it? because i will. call my fucking mother and she will tell you what SHES had to go through from this because she is also done with you and you airing out every issue youve ever had on her every time youd come over and never ONCE asking her how she is doing after losing her husband. call HER and tell her i was "obviously lying" when i said i would get help.

i wasnt going to fight it. i didnt want to bend over and "Just listen and change my behavior" because i didnt need to change. i was DOING my best. friendship isnt a transaction, unlike you keeping count every time you helped me apparently i didnt bc it wasnt things i Expected returned or expected PRAISE for. i bought games for you i WANTED to play together so wed have something else to talk about other than Negative Topics because i wanted you to desperately feel better and happy with something but you COULDNT because you could not stop being obsessed with your own misery and nobody likes being around that. thats the bitter truth. so i said bye because it wasnt worth it and if ending our friendship was something you TRULY thought was the best course of action then like fine. whatever.

so please continue telling everyone you meet every day the rest of your life about the horrible bad friend you once had. who never did anything for you ever because i know you are going to. and continue to surround yourself with equally controlling people who validate your feelings. i will be enjoying my life and continuing to ignore any further messages as well. ok, bye

[meet-at-tycho]

OKAY MORE I CANT HELP IT...

you better believe i show them off, too. like no ones business im always LOOK. AT WHAT MY FRIEND DID... look, im so proud of them 😽😽 i really am like WOW!!! idk im enamored anything they do is the best thing in the world to me. whats that about rose tinted glasses? thats how it is SORRYYYY cant help it you are perfect to me and i love you like. IM ENTHRALLLED theres a lot of words i could use to describe how i feel about them. hooked is a good one, absolutely CAPTIVATED, hook line and sinker baby im in heaven 🥳 im still coping cuz im still lonely but. if i flood my mind with the thought of them, itll be enough to get my thru til they come back :]

dude i remember last halloween? best halloween ever okay I . i mightve been dying of sleep deprivation but i got correctly gendered the entire fucking day AND. i had my bestie in my phone, idc if i looked rude or anything talking to her the whole fcking day? i feel so. LOST when im without them, so knowing i had her with me the entire time like. I REALLY HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME.. i wish i could relive that day over and over again, but i still have more days to experience!!! shes so creative and brilliant and fucking UNHINGED like a little rat crawling thru the walls WHATS WRONG WITH HER.... idk but i love it :] she absolutely is carrying like. prehistoric diseases i dont know how and i dont know when shes gonna dispatch them but im afraid

or like? my birthday was a good example. neither of them knew it was cuz i dont like to tell people but.. we spent the day together and it . i was genuinely so happy, its the first birthday i havent ended up crying on. like YEAH yr right you WERE the gift!!!!!!! you genuinely were im. KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING

i spend the so much time with him, SIR. the man that you are im. only incomprehensible growling and barking comes to mind when i think of you BUT it translates to: YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME!!! no hes so silly for real i genuinely cant get enough of him. i remember. even the very first time we vced like just us, it wasnt even really awkward at all!!!! felt a little unsure but I HAD SO MUCH FUN.. our chemistry.. mr whiter..... really though its. or that time we spent like 12 hours in call together. i used to feel so sad when calls ended, sad enough that id just start avoiding them cuz i didnt really know when it would happen again, SO? thats like A WHOLE ENTIRE DAY.... we spent a whole day together and it went GOOD it was so .. perfect. such a big deal to me cuz like. i dont leave my house, i dont SOCIALIZE REALLY.. so to go for so long without even getting tired?? its genuinely a really big step for me. HE DID THAT...

but.. dont just love them for how they make me feel. i love everything about them. when shit gets hard i wanna try my best to be there cuz ive had people give up on me and it fucking sucked, i wont ever give up on you. they really are so special to me like. the best people ive ever met in my entire life and i MEAN that. you are so worth it, anything at all. ill be here!!! i wont ever leave you behind, how could i ever do that? my love doesnt come from what they do for me, it comes from THEM directly. their personalities, their hobbies, interests. glasses get rosier, theres nowhere id rather be! it feels so good to just.. idk. i like being here, i feel stable and comfortable and its all thanks to them

MAN dont talk to me ever. never speak to me!!! lot of feelings okay but. listenn..... ive got two eyes, one for each apple. EASY. lovemaxxing or whatever

[maisbookstore]

How ADHD messes with my brain

Tw: adhd, grammar mistakes, just me having a meltdown

I swear I wanted to keep this blog free from my adhd, because I wished to create a magical place; just me, you- the few people who read my fanfics, existing in harmony and fluff with pink bunnies, unicorns who poop strawberry icecream and we all would happily deny reality... Yeah, I don't even know if I should laugh or cry.

So I just laugh, and cry, and silently hate myself.

And people who idealize adhd. Yes, fck them.

"Oh you must excel at many things, right?"

I DO, but at what cost?? Yeah I'm a fcking polyglot, I have two jobs, a whole circle of friends, I study at school, I study languages constantly, I have 5 billion hobbies, a somewhat healthy relationship, a cat, and three cactii that I managed to keep alive. I just renovated a whole house, because I decided that I don't like the vibe.

Do you know what else I have?

-Trauma

-Constant meltdowns

-Self-hatred vs god complex (Am I the most unworthy human being ever or am I above all? Who knows...probably neither of the two extremes reflects what I really am.)

So juggling between two jobs, school, my hobbies, my social life, my relationship, my other duties, when I have time to relax, I just sit in silence, and rot. Literally. A simple task takes me HOURS, because I have no idea how to start doing it, not because I'm lazy, or because I'm unable to.

I scroll like a brainless zombie, reblogging motivational videos on tiktok, hoping they can motivate me too. Thinking: "Yeah, I can be like that" then I scroll again. Bitterly.

The past few months have become a blur of me sitting in my pajamas (I have days off, because my first job is a part time job, and my other job doesn't require me to go to the office, I only have lessons two times per week) and fighting with my demons. In pajamas.

Sometimes I managed to win, though, most of the times I was conquered by the annoyingly tempting looking couch, where I sat down, and scrolled again. Because it was hard for me to do anything at all. Because simply existing seemed like a hard work.

And by existing in my own sorry-ass self hatred I have lost my spark. No matter the amount of make up I have put on, or the nice dresses I bought, nothing was enough. And I fell into a trap: consumerism. I thought, maybe if I buy this or that I would be happy again, and for a moment I truly was. But then the endorphin or serotonin, or something has faded, and there I was, with debt, and even bigger self hatred.

Yeah, acting impulsively is kind of another negativity attached to adhd. Of course it's not an excuse, more like a funfact.

The biggest problem however is that many people have no idea how adhd can literally change one person. How hard it is to live with billion thoughts flashing through your mind in ONE second.

Sometimes I just sit in the tub, crying because my head is full of thoughts. I can connect EVERYTHING with ANYTHING. One time I was thinking about grading my students' paper and then whoom, billion thoughts like lightning went through my mind, and I couldn't stop them. They were invading my brain.

How I long to be a normal person with normal amount of thoughts!

Many people think adhd is a superpower, because when I'm motivated, or when I don't have a meltdown, I'm fcking invincible. Unstoppable. A machine. I work like there's no tomorrow, I'm happy, cheerful, a fcking sunshine if you will. I radiate so much good energy. But then come the clouds, and I feel miserable again.

I long for dopamine, serotonin, whatever, I long for happiness okay?

Because when I do nothing, yet I have so many thoughts I think "Am I wasting my time? Why can't I move? What keeps me back?"

I don't know the answers.

"Do I deserve happiness?" OF COURSE I DO, so why is my brain keep telling me otherwise?

I would give half of my liver to be neurotypical.

It's like I'm sabotaging myself. I start something, I'm succesfull, and suddenly I get scared, because what if I reach my dream? What happens next?

I'm scared of boredom. I have no idea how to stop fighting, because that's the only thing I really know. I had to fight for the smallest forms of appreciation, I had to fight against my own mind, I still do but anyways.

It's just I wish the person in the mirror would say that "Hey, it's fine, you are worthy of love, you can rest, just start with a small step okay?"

But the person in the mirror is an evil with and I hate her. It's me. I'm the evil witch.

I swear if people would get money for being critical, I would be the richest person alive.

Sometimes I try to laugh at my own misery, so very European of me. Then comes the guilt: "There are people starving, fighting in wars, dying, and you complain because of what? Adhd?" Another very delightful European treasure.

So yeah, so much about this blog being free of my neurodivergency.

I don't know how to finish things, so guess this is it.

[obsessedwithpedritoofc]

well HELLO im alive :D

my dear friend @pedritofics tagged me in this and i thought it would be fun, plus im doing this while on a call with him so... here you go :D before i post anything new

ty ted for getting me out of bed lmao ily

origin of your blog title:

uhh i got really obsessed with pedro two years ago and sooo ik im probably not his number one fan but i like to think i am hehe.

otp(s) + shipname:

timebomb (ekko and jinx from arcane), catradora (catra and adora from she-ra and the princesses of power), connie and daryl (from the walking dead)? idk im too old for this sht lmao.

favorite color:

dark blue (more specifically, sapphire blue and absolute zero blue).

favorite game:

undertale, the last of us, baldurs gate 3 (the list is long but those are my top 3).

song stuck in your head:

every day i wake up with a different song sounding in my head, so my song for the day is sriracha by bbno$.

weirdest habit or trait:

every single time i eat bread with anything (like, bread with jam, with butter, or even a sandwich), i need to make myself a glass of chocolate milk and dip the bread in it bc i think it tastes weird not being soaked in the milk.

hobbies:

idk the typical ones? reading, listening to music, drawing, painting, writing, playing video games... im not really doing much with my life while in uni tbh.

profession:

im not working rn but i used to be a waiter at a bubble tea store.

dream job:

anything that has to do with visual arts. im doing literature rn and that itself is a form of art, but i would have liked to be an illustrator or a painter or something related to that.

something im good at:

i have a good memory, so i guess ive always been good at studying? or more like memorizing the contents of an exam the day before.

something im bad at:

organizing my time.

something i love:

pedro :D

something i could about for hours:

pedro :D and any movie or show hes in :D

something i hate:

homophobes, racists, fascist, nazis... do i keep going?

something i forget:

peoples bdays. i swear if i didnt have them on my calendar i would have no friends right now lol.

something i collect:

funko pops and books i have yet to read.

my love language:

whats love, i have no soul.

favorite movie/show:

(currently) arcane, the last of us, daredevil: born again.

favorite food:

pizza and soup.

favorite animal:

french bulldogs and goats.

how was i like as a kid:

aside from addicted to trash food, pretty much a cringey npc.

favorite subject at school:

ironically –bc im not as good at it as i used to be–, i loved english.

least favorite subject:

anything that had to do with math or science in general.

my best character trait:

i often give other people things (or lets say "services") that they need without expecting anything in exchange.

my worst character trait:

i tend to disappear a lot from social media –pretty much the only way my friends and family can reach me– very often because i easily get overwhelmed by things that are not in my control and talking to my loved ones about it only fuels my stress.

a detail i would change from my day right now:

not having things to do for uni, im so fcking tired of doing homework lmao

who would i like to meet if i went back in time:

not really meet, id like to have more time with my grandfather, who passed away almost three years ago now. i feel like i didnt spend enough time with him when i could, and that i didnt tell him i loved him enough times.

recommend one of my favorite fics:

sht i haven been on tumblr for a while, i really just come by whenever i post something myself. but my go-to will always be my dear boy @pedritofics neighbor joel fics tbh.

i have no one to tag lol so i guess you do it if you want to? i have no friends :')

yall take care ily

[secretofblue]

07 • 03 • 25 11:55 pm

Friday recap

Today i had to wake up early in hopes of finishing my pendings early so i could also run some errands for my mom and still come back early at home, unfortunately i didn't have much luck on that

First, i always destiny 2hrs to go from my home to the campus, but nearly all my first hour go to waste on waiting for my first bus at the bus stop (45 min?!)

Then once on college i needed to go to talk with my coordinator because my complementary credits still hasnt been updated to my kardex and that can be a huge problem if i let more time pass, but the coordinator wasn't at her office and her secretary told me she was on a meeting and probably it would take her another 45 min to come back, she also gave me the option to come back another day, but that means destiny 4hrs of another day to do so, so no thanks i will wait (i'm actually writing this while waiting outside her office, trying to also avoid the uncomfortableness of being just sat in silence with the secretary)

At that point i was almost lost of hope on still being able to do the errands my mom asked me to bc i wasn't sure at which time the store i had to buy from closed (it's from a little local market so this stores close pretty early :( )

Update: once the coordinador came back to her office we had a conversation no longer than 5min and ended up derivating me to another department, i can't even remember it's name, but actually the Lic. that atended me there was so kind and polite, she told me that actually she's gonna have a meeting on monday regarding that problem and asked me if she could use my case as an example. Now i have to send a mail to her explaning the problem and all de data, but well i hope this problem finally gets solved (i've had to lidiate with it the entire career and without this solved i'm not able to go do my intership next semester 🙃)

Update 2: i don't know how but i was able to make it on time for the rest of the things i had to do

Later, on the afternoon once my mom came back from work, we had to go and pick up the new sofa she just bought + other things and omg that thing is so fcking heavy, i end super tired once we finish accomodating it back at home

Uptade 3: i forgot to write the document i had to send, so i will do it once i'm already in bed and just schedule it to be sent tomorrow's morning

👣 9.3 k

This already turned long enough, sorry anddd

Good night everyone, rest well! ✨