#not fully but like certain traits at certain angles and stuff | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

archivalofsins · 2 years ago

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This is a response to this thread of posts. This is not a direct copy paste of my response on that post so that one still has more information if people are interested in that. Since this thread was already incredibly long and I went over even more stuff in the most recent part I wanted to put that stuff here for easier access and to archive it. I'm not tagging or at-ing the person behind the original post here because I don't want to be rude to her and have put my response on the original post already.

This is just for archive purposes as it goes over a lot of my understanding of the events that have taken place so far. I'm so tired I've been writing about Milgram for a week straight...is hell drowning in the things you love?

I'd have to say I agree with you when it comes to the relationships being bad on both of their parts. I don't think Mahiru's partner being abusive would fully absolve her of accountability when it comes to his death.

I just feel as though Mahiru was wrongly blamed for all the issues in their relationship while he was just given a free pass which never sat right with me. Because relationships are dependent on both parties and no one individual within it can be fully blamed for the problems that come from it. When it comes to the last part where she said,

"If Mahiru's murder was in response to domestic abuse then it means her murder was to protect herself rather than out of love. Right now, it doesn't click together just right for me."

It's funny because it clicks so easily for me. Mostly, because when I first watched Mahiru's MV the thing that I immediately noticed is the formatting she chose to present it in. As it is said it was produced by Mahiru Shiina.

Mahiru's MV is formatted in the same way a self-care blog or magazine might be. Something not surprising given the interests she lists in her first interrogation. Then one of the first things we're shown in this magazine format is her doing self-care. That along with the song is titled "This Is How To Be In Love With You". Which could not only be taken from the angle of this is how to love you the one viewing the song or the boyfriend but as this is how to love (You)rself.

Most of the article snippets in the song are about selfcare and preening oneself.

So, I've been interpreting This Is How To Be In Love With You from that angle. To elaborate I've been interpreting the song as Mahiru maintaining appearances/putting on the front of a good girl. The feathers symbolizing undesirable traits she's preened off of herself. As many including yourself have pointed out Mahiru is more associated with the color blue than her lover is.

So, the feathers could be another representation of herself. Showing the bad traits, she's removed to be a person she sees as worthy of being loved.

Within that cage, throughout that video from beginning to end Mahiru wears the dress she states screams this year's fashion along with the cardigan she says is chic with a mature color. She's at her best dressed to give off that mature oneesan look throughout her first mv. The look of someone anyone would love in her opinion.

Even her earrings go from the playful and energetic sunflower ones to a mature make in her video.

Mahiru tries to give off this put together, reliable, older woman charm that says if you have a problem, you can always come talk it over with me okay. The sort of woman who's not complicated or clingy but instead a bit spontaneous in a fun not bothersome way, considerate, willing to listen, demure. The type of woman that can hold a conversation but doesn't overstep. Someone who is wife material. It's not like she doesn't know she's doing this either.

She shows us throughout her first MV that she knows exactly what she's doing when it comes to appearances. Not only when it comes to appearing a certain way to others but how she appears to herself as well.

We learn bits and pieces about her romantic partner through her first mv. We know that,

He can't handle his liquor.

He drinks to the point of unconsciousness on their date at the bar.

He's not the most observant.

He doesn't notice if Mahiru changes her style.

He likes running.

He has a part-time job at a convenience store.

He goes to the same school as Mahiru.

They lock eyes with each other as she's reading on the university terrace. That encounter on the terrace along with him having the part time job makes the chances of him being a student not a teacher or staff member at her university higher.

They live close to each other.

Mahiru runs into him at a bakery/bread shop and then he passes her place of employment on her first day working there. Chances are Mahiru chose a place to work at that was not too far from her residence. So, they more than likely live in the same area.

Then as the other person observed we know his aesthetic.

He has a red rug at the front door of his home and camouflage backpack. During their date, the park screening of the French film, we see the arm of his jacket which is also camouflage but has a dark navy blue or navy blue around the edges.

Quite different from the feathers we see falling within the cage. The color of the feathers aligns more with the color of Mahiru's rug, the throw blanket she has on her couch, and the dress that screams this year's fashion she wears throughout her first mv which is a slightly lighter dusty blue.

More allusions to Mahiru's preening habits have been made throughout the Portal Timeline but this is the one that sticks out the most to me.

20/06/29

Yuno: ……mmm, the food here is actually pretty nice. I wonder if the guard made it…… Oh yeah, Mahiru-san, do you cook?

Mahiru: Hm? I do~ Cooking, washing, cleaning, I love doing all those sorts of things~ Fufufu, I passed all my self-imposed training to become the perfect wife with flying colours!

Yuno: Wow, incredible… I don’t know whether to call that old-fashioned or what. ……isn’t it a pain?

Mahiru: Eh~? I don’t think it’s a pain at all~ It’s fun~

All these things led me to believe Mahiru wanted to give off the appearance of a woman that doesn't complain about the work she puts in to make something happen. The type who can make things seem effortless. The sort who goes; it's not a bother at all, in fact I like to help, I find this fun. A person who takes meticulous notes about all the favorite foods of whomever they love then practices cooking them to get them exactly right as a surprise.

The sort of woman that goes well now that I think about it, I could make chocolate from cocoa beans then make a cake out of said chocolate. Only to undermine their own efforts by going it's really no big deal I just wanted to do something nice because I love you it was really no trouble at all. Or,

"I'm Mahiru Shiina, twenty-two years old! I might not be much good at anything, but please be kind to me."

Hoping that the other person will notice all her good qualities and appreciate her even more.

It's also difficult for me to believe the feathers only represent Mahiru's boyfriend because of how Mahiru interacts with them during her first MV. Mahiru jumps on top of all the feathers after reaching towards them as if about to indulge in a guilty pleasure of sorts as the lines,

"If you don’t hug me, even our hearts will start drifting apart."/"I pretended to be a good girl; I don’t want to be “ok”. "

I can admit Mahiru can come off as clingy or could even be emotionally too much/draining to some. Yet, I don't think she would revel in doing something she recognizes as malicious/harmful directly to the person she loves. At least not to this extent.

Then there's the beginning of This Is How To Be In Love With You. The beginning of her song seems to reenact or at least directly mirror Mahiru's first encounter with her partner. Except this time, she's not looking at her partner but directly at the audience/guards as though having a once in a lifetime fated encounter with us.

Yet, feathers are already falling from above her.

The other post she linked to mentions the picture from Undercover. Where she states her belief that the image is taken in the suicide forest/Aokigahara. However, there's a higher chance it's the park she confessed to her significant other at on day 8.

I say this because it is my belief that the snippets shown during Undercover aren't when the prisoners committed their murders but instead the incidents that incited them to commit murder. Basically, the trigger that led to it.

I believe this because of Haruka, Yuno, Futa, Mu, Amane, Mikoto, and Kotoko's pictures in the MV.

There's Haruka. In his photo we see him in his or his younger sibling's room sitting on the bed a plush rabbit beside him with building blocks and a finished drawing on the ground in front of him. A drawing we know to be his because it appears on the walls in Weakness.

We see this drawing before he starts killing anything. Like exactly before comedically so. Right after we're shown this larger version of the drawing from Undercover the one aspect that links it directly to Haruka he kills the dog. Like it transitions into him killing the dog. I don't even think I need to defend why I believe this at this point Haruka is too perfect of an example.

Then In All-knowing All-Agony and Weakness the sister and most of the killings he's responsible for are alluded to have been outside of this bedroom. His sister was seemingly killed in the living room or another area of the house and the dog we see him kill in Weakness is killed outside.

Then there's Yuno who is doing what she's admitted enjoying doing people watching from the staircase. Something we see her do throughout all of Umbilical.

"In such conditions, observing other people sure does make for great fun; you feel?"

So, there is a chance that Yuno more than likely saw something she didn't like while people watching one day.

"Why are you here? You annoy me a little. I can’t smile well anymore It’s because of you."

Umbilical starts with Yuno at the bottom of the staircase and ends with her falling off the top back to the start. During her walk up through the MV we see her look over at someone from the staircase in this case it could be taken as her looking at us the audience, but it could be someone else as well.

It's also exactly when she asks,

"What do you want to do? Please, tell me."

Just like with Mu's second trial song there is imagery and lyrics in Tear Drop that call back to Umbilical, but Yuno is more subtle about it.

"Just the two of us I finally found it. The lies are endless. Just me alone, it really is lonely. Let’s reload the warmth!"/"Desire, bestow, and desire again the episode reloading on an endless loop. The fading warmth makes me anxious again Tear drops succumb and fall."

Having her hair tie snap and her hair fall in a way that's reminiscent to the staircase collapsing at the end of her first song. Then throwing off the jacket as she's messing up the room just to cling to it again like she came back to the staircases.

The staircase not only shows us step by step how she got here but her intention to do the same thing all over again regardless of what's destroyed/collapses in the end. Then Tear Drop follows up on that idea by showing us how Yuno has been working her way up from cars to top floor hotel rooms and private karaoke booths with beds in them.

Despite her spot in Undercover being less than luxurious and her own admission of liking simple things like just going on a date at a park.

Futa's is him taking a picture of the doxing victims house where certain information has been purposely scribbled over beforehand.

Now unless the doxing victim immediately committed suicide after this picture was taken, before he went home, or even sent the information to other people. This is already calling the idea that the instances we're shown in Undercover are during the murders into question in and of itself.

However, Bring It On! confirms that this is before the incident since Futa states in a Twitter post that he found out where she went to school and lived but does not post the image of her house. Something notably strange considering he's been mostly held accountable for the doxing and that would have been the easiest way to show he did it. Instead, he just makes an offhanded comment saying he knows where she is despite already having a physical picture of her house.

It's also not something highlighted by Futa himself. Instead, it's been quote retweeted by Jugement Onizuka seemingly after the incident with the girl escalated to the breaking point. Something highlighted more by the line in Backdraft,

"Me, the result of blame-shifting, no, can’t find that funny."

I know this isn't about Futa but if he ever intended to dox someone and had this picture then why not just post it? Why have anything scratched out if that was ever his intent?

Mu is rather self-explanatory.

We know that the murder Mu committed was outside. Yet, her image is of inside the classroom. More than likely because the altercation first began in the classroom. The inciting incident. A student appears to be crushed between two desks laying on the ground between them. We can see papers within both desks.

A lot of people speculate after "It's Not My Fault" that the person between the desks is Mu's victim. However, it's more than likely Mu herself. Though it could possibly be a third party. It can't be Mu's victim because when she's on the floor it's wet and littered with belongings. This is also the same reason I'm hesitant to say it's Mu. However, everyone else is in their pictures so it's more likely this is her but why she would be in such a position before the murder is a mystery to me.

If it were a third party, it could be the student Mu and her friends are seen harassing on the roof. The subject of the incident that caused Mu and her victim's falling out. Also, during the incidences where Mu or her victim are bullied all the desks are empty. So, this is just neither of those instances.

It's also nice because we see in After Pain that Mu is seated right next to the person, she ends up killing. So, this could be considered a visualization of a third party/ Mu herself and her behavior getting between them. As the desk with the flowers on it is her victims and the desk she sits at in After Pain is hers at the time.

There's also what appears to be blood on one of the sheets of paper in Mu's desk. Which could allude to the line,

"The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note “I love YOU”."

This would also go well with some of the lyrics of her first cover song.

"It's a penalty shoot-out, Feelings vs. Boredom."/ "A penalty shoot-out between my feelings and my boredom."

Mu admits to only bullying people because she was bored in It's Not My Fault. I feel the image we're shown in Undercover for her perfectly illustrates that feeling of wanting something to stave off boredom, but the thing being done ultimately getting in the way of what would actually be emotionally satisfying. Such as wanting someone's presence but being annoyed with them when they won't let you do whatever you want because friends shouldn't get in the way of what you want to do, they should support you even if they don't like it themselves.

Then there's Amane's, which is more than likely an image of her being waterboarded.

"Waterboarding is a form of torture in which water is poured over a cloth covering the face and breathing passages of an immobilized captive, causing the person to experience the sensation of drowning."

Waterboarding has also been considered a form of religious violence. The more you know the worse it gets-

"In his 2008 article “Torture and Religious Practice,” William Schweiker traces the Christian roots of waterboarding, which was used, for example, during the Spanish Inquisition and in the persecution of Anabaptists during the Protestant Reformation. Schweiker argues that waterboarding is religious violence not only due to its pedigree, but because it carries a particularly religious meaning: that it functioned as a kind of baptism."

Since this shot does its best to cut out the person's face where a rag or cloth would more than likely be and the visuals in Magic allude to this form of torture specifically it's more than likely that.

Like yeah, that seems to be Amane's hair and Magic expressly cycles through all the punishments she faced for giving that injured person medical care. All of which are extreme forms of torture, the least of which being a physical beating. The other ones are waterboarding, electroshock therapy, and sound torture.

Free my little girl she did nothing wrong and keep her in there those forms of torture work wonders she would be a danger to society should not be able to coexist, but I very much will hit guilty again. Maybe I might hit Innocent later just because she's committed. Telling her she's wrong isn't going to make her believe we're right. So, we really are catching a tiger by the tail here.

"At least I didn't meta vote Amane" like ha, ha, hah I still voted her ass Guilty she is the first person I voted on and I voted her Guilty recognizing this. Not because I think what she did was wrong but mostly because she openly states she wants to continue to perpetuate the thing she lived through onto others.

"You see, I don't hate Milgram. Rather than one single law, there are other standards to judge my sins by. Some are closer to my spirit, as well! The standards that judge my sins are somewhere else- In my heart, my blood, my entire body. They're firmly rooted in all those places!"

"And by those standards your murder was not a sin."

"Exactly! Ah, I'm looking forward to it. Seeing if your judgement will align with that of these higher standards, that is. If that's the case then maybe Milgram would be the right world for us to be in rather than the outside world! Milgram relies on your judgements, right? In that case you could become the mediator to a far more righteous world!"

We've got to teach her this is wrong oh how cute- No, fuck that. Guilty because I'm not becoming complacent with creating a cult how bout that. The fuck as much as I like Amane I can't in good conscious vote her innocent.

Mikoto's picture is of him unconscious at his work desk. Seemingly swamped with work. On another note, I do believe this may be a desk at his home and not in his office. Mostly because of the speaker near his cup and what appears to be a standing shelf next to it. It could be a cubicle in the office, but people usually don't hook up those sorts of speakers to their in-office computer. It could be something else though.

Outside of that his desk is incredibly junky, he has a knocked-over energy drink laid on some of his papers. One can also see above the can that he's done little doodles on the edge of one of the papers. If he were at the office where oversight was more likely his desk would not look like this. To be frank he'd probably get fired or at least scolded if it did. People have gotten fired for less. He'd have to be high up to have his own private office which he doesn't seem to be. All of that has led me to believe this space is more than likely in his place of residence.

There's also the chair we see sitting unaccompanied within his home throughout MeMe which is more than likely the chair to this desk. It would be kind of weird to just have a lone chair for nothing.

Let's get back on track though. We see most of his murders take place at an underpass. Not his home though the area could be near his office or place of residence. However, it's still not the place we see him highlighted in during Undercover.

So, yeah this is nowhere near his murders regardless of if it's his house or the office. Though, it once again highlights his job sorta sucks.

We know exactly where Kotoko's happened. It's the alley where she beats up her first victim.

It's not the building she beats a guy to death in. That's for sure.

Because of all this, I'm amazingly comfortable with saying that the images we're shown during Undercover were not taken directly from the scene of the crime or even during the crime itself but strictly before a crime had even occurred.

In fact, Mahiru's image in Undercover is odd... Simply because it does seem to show her there with someone else while everyone else is alone in theirs. Even people who are assumed or confirmed to be in relationships like Kazui and Shidou are by themselves. We also only see hands in Mahiru's image when almost everyone else has gotten full or half body shots.

The only other people we just see the hands of outside of her is Futa and Shidou.

So, that could be something that links both their crimes to suicide or being an indirect result of their actions. At least it's a clear visual attempt at pointing out the similarities between them.

We also only see the backs of Yuno, Kazui, and Mikoto. The side of Es and Kotoko though they're facing two different sides Es to the right before we're shown the images and Kotoko to the left right after Haruka. We're shown the front of Haruka and Amane.

Mu is difficult to figure out. Because she could be laying face down or face up. I'm not going to lie I can't tell which and I've been typing this for a while. A while at this point being since the other person reply which was right after I finished a long post about Mahiru already.

However, in every instance we're shown hands before Mahiru's the only hands we are shown are those of the prisoners. This is what makes Mahiru's snippet in undercover standout as it implies the presence of not just herself but her boyfriend. That is if the other hand shown in the image is that of her boyfriend.

Taking into consideration how the image is framed it is still a possibility that Mahiru is holding her own hand. It would also fit with every other prisoner being alone within their pictures in Undercover. It's really all about framing when it comes to Milgram. So, if every other prisoner is alone in their photos, then it should be questioned why Mahiru would be an exception.

I don't really know much about this but it's strange that every prisoner besides Haruka has scribbles in their silhouettes implying some sort of distortion. Futa's hands being somewhat transparent within his picture is weird as well.

Even though the distortion in Mahiru seems to only be on one arm it's slightly on the other beneath as well making it difficult to tell if it's just her partner's arm or her own again. All I can say is it looks like she's holding someone else's hand.

I read over a lot of her posts, and I recognized there's a fundamental point on which I and other fans of Milgram may differ on. This in and of itself is not a bad thing but I feel it should be noted. I do not believe any of the prisoner's murders were indirect or accidental. I believe each person in each pair has killed another living person purposefully.

Not by happenstance, accident, indirectly but with their bare hands and with the full intent of doing so. Because we are shown them do so from the beginning within Undercover.

Firstly, I'm of the mind that two things can be true at once.

So, Yuno stating she had an abortion and her being a murderer are not one in the same to me. In Undercover we see Haruka with blood on his hands despite knowing the only person he killed he strangled. The blood in this case would be that of the animals one of which we saw him kill with a rock.

Now even if I were to believe Yuno's murder was an abortion the amount of blood present on her within Undercover means it was passed the point where an abortion would be an option she could legally take. Even by Japan's laws.

"Abortion in Japan is allowed under a term limit of 22 weeks for endangerment to the health of the pregnant woman, economic hardship, or rape."

The amount of blood shown on Yuno within Undercover is uncommon when it comes to getting an abortion. There is some bleeding but it's less than the bleeding one would have during their period. So, she's already on thin fucking ice with me because the bleeding portrayed there is more commonly associated with miscarriages.

Something women have and still do induce within themselves if they do not want a child. It's my belief that at the point anyone is no longer capable or legally allowed to have an abortion they should immediately start looking into adoption options. Not for the sake of child but for the health of the woman since doing it after a certain point does have significant health risks.

This is why I'm under the belief that Yuno's case wasn't as easy as people played it up to be. Because there is still the chance this was directly malicious even when considering the victim may have been an unborn child. There are laws around abortion specifically with unborn children in mind even people who are for the women's right to choose or pro-abortion understand this.

All the anti-abortion ads in my state work under the false pretense that being for it means a person is okay with people having an abortion at "any time" and people can just "kill kids whenever". They are mostly promoted by churches as well. For example, when my state was voting on if women should have the right to abortion or not the catholic churches within my state spent money to make advertisements stating if the law passed murdering kids at any time would be legal. Comparing the act to filicide.

What I'm getting at is that depending on when Yuno did this and how it would still be considered murder legally.

Her asking if she's dead in her second interrogation makes her even more suspicious to me because people are more likely to die from self-induced miscarriages or at home abortions than legal ones. So, if it were just a legal abortion done in a safe environment- Why the fuck would she ask that...?

Not taking any of those misgivings into consideration, the abortion doesn't account for the multiple gifts throughout Umbilical that have inverted colors as though the people who gave them to her were fucking assassinated directly after.

How does the abortion account for those if it's the only thing she did wrong? What would these gifts or items even have to do with her having an abortion? Why would they be colored differently?

It's just suspicious and weird if it were that easy why do any of that?

Futa has basically said every way he could the doxing wasn't him since Milgram started. So, why would he be in here for the result of that? To be fair he could be lying. Yet, he could have just killed the person responsible for the doxing and ruining his reputation.

Then excused and justified his actions like I didn't do anything wrong that person's actions led to someone dying too it's just fair. Also, literally playing hide and seek with his sin by highlighting the bad thing the other person did first just to be blamed for it again would be fucking hilarious. It would also fit with his characterization because in his second trial interrogation he once again does this by pointing out how our actions are just as bad as his and going why is it okay when you do it then.

The only difference is this time it works.

Kazui blatantly admits in the lyrics of Cat that everything the viewers speculated might just be wrong as he condescendingly sings,

"Love + Fate= Crap (Love and fate are crap). Crush and Bye. (Destroy it and move on.) Disgusting playing house + disguise + fake. Devotion- Love, lame, cheating; let's make it victim and assailant."

All of the things Kazui lists in a mocking tone are all the things people assumed about his crime. He's literally singing so this is what you think happened fine then I'll make this simple and boil it down to victim and assailant. So, he's not helping anyone's case when it comes to the whole some people's crimes were indirect thing singing shit like this.

He's doing the musical equivalent of,

"My client may not be the best man but he's not murderous-"

"Murderous, huh...? Well, I won't deny that. At the very least I believe I'm a murderer and I regret it. Not that there's any use to that remorse."

Like he's pulling a no I did that shit lyrically. Those aren't the lyrics of an Innocent man they just aren't. Like Yuno and Shidou are just in Milgram like I don't agree with your judgement but respectfully while Kazui is out here like,

"You fool, this is what you think of me, what you think I did?! FIGURE ME OUT, FIGURE OUT MY LIES FASTER!"

I'm sorry Futa isn't even the issue when it comes to that Kazui is. After Mahiru he's gonna come in like,

"Give me that fucking mic- I hope you recover well Shiina but also please hurry and leave. I don't want you specifically to hear any of the shit I'm about to say. I know how much you care about love-"

"Kazui, you're going to sing about love?!"

"Please, get out."

That's the entire reason he's saying I feel bad for her. I guess his voice drama can make him appear more helpful to the indirect murder theory. Yet within that he even says,

"For example, why would someone gather a bunch of acquitted murderers together and try to make them repent. That's something a crazy person would do."

This means Kazui recognizes everyone here is a murderer, but they were all legally acquitted and therefore received no punishment for their crimes. Making what Milgram is doing here no different from what Kotoko does in Harrow. Even then just because they were legally acquitted doesn't mean there was no malicious intent behind their actions, or they didn't mean to kill anyone.

Everyone within Milgram could be acquitted for one reason or another and this would also explain things such as why Mu immediately used the self-defense angle. If she's already been taken to court for it and that's how she wound up acquitted before of course she'd fall back on it again.

Futa calling himself the Undead Hero near the end of Bring It On! as though he's beaten the allegations.

"You gotta be kidding, I’m an undead hero! Fuck it! Don’t you think so?"

Just to then get beaten by the allegations and go,

"Oh no, surrounded, lynched by the masses."

Like this shit hasn't happened before when we see it happen at the end of his first MV.

This could also explain how we see Haruka in All-knowing All-Agony, the room he's within, and the moment he's caught in the spotlight covered in blood. It would also explain why when he was brought to Milgram unlike everyone else, he was already wearing clothing associated with being incarcerated in a mental facility. So, there's all that.

Then when it comes to Mahiru this would explain why she is still fixated on love even if she purposefully killed her partner. If she were acquitted because people believed she was so in love with him that she'd never intentionally do such a thing, of course she'd more than likely try that angle again.

If Mahiru's boyfriend had allergies she was aware of she could cook something with said allergen in it and play it off as an accident or as if she didn't know and be acquitted.

Just like everyone else here could have been acquitted on grounds of self-defense or it being a heat of the moment thing like with Kotoko. It'd be easy to not hold Kotoko accountable if she were just acting against someone doing something that would be viewed by the public as abhorrent.

Mahiru cooking all his favorite dishes as a surprise while a nice loving gesture is also a good way to make sure he at least eats one of the things she cooked even if he isn't in the mood for a particular dish at that moment. She wouldn't even need to get poison but common ingredients that could be found at any store if he had a food allergy and as we know Mahiru is very good at cooking.

Mahiru holding her victim's neck in Undercover could represent her forcing him keep the food down or even illustrating the quite common fatal reaction to allergens which is one's throat closing. Mahiru's crime is as easy as frying rice in peanut oil or adding fish sauce. Like food allergies are super common and it wouldn't be viewed as something done with malicious intent if she literally cooked all his favorite foods and people could attest to that.

Under this framing Mahiru would still just be "being herself". If she were cooking food the way she was raised to cook it and unaware of these allergies she'd very much be "being herself". Her going to sleep after cooking the food makes sense as well because the first thing people would ask if she were awake as he was having an allergic reaction is why didn't she call for an ambulance or get him his medicine. If she were asleep after making him all his favorite meals then said something like,

"I just wanted to see the look of surprise on his face before turning in for the night but if I just stayed up then maybe-"

People would be more sympathetic to what she's been through, especially if they saw how she was in the relationship. If people knew she really loved him. Who's going to go up to a girl bawling in shock about the loss of her boyfriend someone she probably vocalized planning to marry and go did you do this on purpose?! Answer me you wanted him dead didn't you?! Didn't you?!

That would be odd, way out of line, even if she did the person behaving in that way would be being an asshole yelling at her isn't gonna make this man come back to life. To be honest, someone would have to have a lot of personal information about Mahiru probably see into her head to come to conclusion that she may have wanted her boyfriend dead, or this could be purposeful right of the bat.

They would have to see something like her expressly state she's been taking notes on all of his favorite dishes to know that overlooking his allergies could be purposeful on her part at that point. That's just a shot in the dark on my part though. Nobody would really know that- Except, Es and us the viewers. So, outside of us it'd be pretty easy to rule what Mahiru did an accident. Because nobody else was in the room when it happened.

Back to Kazui.

"Also, if what I did makes me a murderer. Then honestly, your definition of a murderer is too broad."/ "And even if you recognize me as a murderer... That would be a conclusion only someone deeply familiar with my circumstances could reach."

Congratulations in one voice drama you've succeeded in somehow making everyone look worse.

Kazui goes back and forth during his first voice drama between stating he believes himself to be a murderer, no one else would consider him one, to mentioning the hypothetical that everyone here has been acquitted as though it's fact. Stating someone would have to be crazy to do that.

For an acquittal to be necessary for what he did his actions would have to be under a certain amount of scrutiny. It would at least need to be enough to the point they needed to take it to court and have a decision be ruled. For that to occur there would at least need to be enough probable cause and evidence to accuse him of having malicious intent or even the motivation to want the other person dead.

Kazui just has to stand here and look good but he seems hellbent on making us really think about what he and everyone else here did. Too bad that because of that we probably won't see what he did. Unless he figures out that the more innocent or guilty a prisoner wishes to be viewed changes what we're shown then goes in with a very objective mindset. Like no I don't care how you see me now I'm over it. Then I don't know what will happen or how the machine will interpret that mindset.

Even if Kazui says in the end, "Yeah... That's right. It's true that my lies killed her, and even now I still haven't changed."

We still don't know what those lies are. It could have been him cheating but he also could have lied like, "Honey come look I had the balcony repaired like you asked me to." and his lies would have still killed her. That would still make what he says here technically true, but they can still just lie during the interrogations.

Kotoko doesn't help the indirect case either because we see her beat a man to death. Even if he succumbed to his wounds later at a hospital, she still gave him those wounds. Like there's blood on the ground beneath him as she's holding him up by the collar. She beat that man like a dog. She was on a hunt and when she found him she was relentless. Like got damn. She messed him up.

He deserved it given the snippets we see in Harrow but, "Cool motive still murder." Which I feel is definitely a fair thing to say about the woman singing,

"Why? Why stop me? Don't stop! I need a good reason to give justice, give me my next purpose!"

If Mahiru succumbed to the wounds Kotoko gave her before Shidou had gotten to her I would hope everyone could agree Kotoko was responsible for her death at that point. Though seeing how Shidou is spoken about he'd probably be blame too. Regardless of if Kotoko stopped before Mahiru died.

Beating someone to the brink of death then stopping before they die does not absolve anyone of murder if that person dies from the wounds they inflicted.

I can admit that it may just be my bias and naivety shining through. That I do want to believe that they are all murderers in the literal sense. It is my personal stance to try not to assume or make assumptions about the sort of actions a person will take. It could be because of my age but at a point I had to recognize that regardless of a person's age, status, level of education, religious beliefs etc no one is above doing something that's objectively wrong.

Because in a way the human experiences is doing many things wrong in pursuit of better understanding oneself and their surroundings. To expect any of the Prisoner's to not do wrong to me feels like a personal failing on my own part even if I like the character. I still feel the need to interrogate could they kill directly and what does it say about me that I believe this person couldn't have while clinging to the idea that this other person could have. What makes me think this character is more moral, more just that they are above stooping to the level these other characters did.

Through interrogating that I realized there's absolutely nothing within me outside of the hope that they wouldn't do such a thing that says they didn't. At the end of the day our expectations of others, fictional or not, is us hoping that another person wouldn't do something that bad but after a point we have to take even the people we believe the best of at face value when they admit to doing something wrong. There's only one guy here that says he didn't commit murder and that's only because he doesn't remember it.

Everyone else though has pretty much gone no I did do something that led to someone dying. I killed someone else but what else was I supposed to do, I suppose it's that thing I did that you could call murder but do you really have to form an opinion on it though, I'm a murderer it was for justice though and what about everyone else they were having fun too, I killed someone but it was self-defense, no what I did was wrong and meaningless give me the death penalty please, it was for love, you'll see through my lies eventually, it's my belief that even though I've killed I'm not a murderer because it wasn't against the higher standards I abide by, well with the right reasons anything is excusable some people deserve it what I did wasn't murder it was justice.

All of this is just how I personally feel about the situations that have been presented to me. I don't think anything I said here is fact and people can take it however they may. To be honest I don't even know if I properly explained myself to the original poster, but these are my beliefs and I guess the only thing I can do is stick by them honestly. I tried my best and I hope this isn't too confusing.

Things can just get difficult when I speak about Mahiru because she's a rather complicated character and I believe more of her personality shines through when the others are considered as well.

#milgram

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maybe-homestuck-now-or-something · 4 years ago

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I really wanna talk about homestuck in relation to this post but like, idk if I wanna add to it because it might be a total derailment of the topic but homestuck is such a weird apocalypse narrative.

like... the way it handles it is so odd because earth itself is not very well characterized before the characters leave it. the characters themselves are massively well characterized, and that takes up the bulk of the narrative, but like... we never even hear them talk about school? or much of anything more than their shared interests and what's immediately happening to them. and in a way, that is kind of authentic. because when kids get together to hang out, the last thing they ever wanna talk about is dry, boring stuff about their mundane lives. they'll mostly just yell memes at each other, talk about anime, play video games... it's possible to simultaneously know nothing about your friends, but feel closer to them than ever, because you're mostly around for the parts of their life that they want to experience when they're having the most fun. you see them as they are when they have the most agency to choose that. and that might be totally divorced from the reality of how their day-to-day life unfolds.

in this way, homestuck presents these characters as people who have shed that mundane portion of their lives. they are now left with only the part that they typically share with their friends. and in reality, if a SBURB type apocalypse were to literally happen to you, it'd be traumatic as hell. but this is the place where homestuck chooses to ask you to suspend your disbelief. let's just believe that John didn't have any other friends or family to think about when the world ended. let's pretend they left zero people of any interest whatsoever behind. all they are shaking off is the society that they were obligated to participate in so mundanely. they no longer have to make any compromises with anyone... they get to fully center themselves.

okay, so that's obviously not entirely true... playing SBURB is a cooperative experience, and being friends with someone doesn't always mean that your relationship is easy. but homestuck allows the narrative to become self centered. it's about one individual and the tiny sphere of influence they have, among solely the people they've developed meaningful bonds with. it allows them to become a case study.

so when the world ends, the world is not necessarily what matters. what matters is the identities of a few specific individuals who we spend a lot of time cultivating our own connections with as a reader.

and that all becomes incredibly interesting when you consider classes and aspects.

basically, in terms of the post linked above, classes and aspects are the harry potter houses, the factions, the "what bender are you" or MBTI type... they're not the only way you could categorize the characters, but they're the most universally applicable to all of the characters that are important in the narrative. and what's interesting is just like... what classes are for, and how complicated it actually is to know what aspects are, or what they mean.

starting with classes, these are basically a series of archetypes that are specialized so that everyone has a role to play that makes them uniquely valuable to a collective. if we're considering this in terms of DnD, you can think of what classes might make for a balanced party, and how having a balanced party makes it satisfying to play the game. no one player could handle everything on their own, and at the same time, everyone feels needed. nobody is useless.

this already seems fundamentally different from some of the means of categorization that I listed above. a lot of these systems are meant to divvy up the characters into societally recognized in-groups and out-groups... people who can be identified as allies or enemies. even if the groups are ascribed certain archetypal skills, the goal is rarely so explicitly for the archetypes to work together, or cover each other's weaknesses. Avatar is probably what comes the closest to this idea, with its underlying endeavor to find harmony between the elements, but homestuck uses classes both as a way to communicate unique specialization, and as a way to unify the characters by their need for support.

and that's a little weird isn't it? these characters just shed all of their obligations to a broader society, and we're taking that as a freeing event... right? but there is a difference between society and community, and while homestuck might use the destruction of society as a catalyst for adventure, it uses the formation of community as the driving force behind the story's progression. the characters are all motivated to work together and help each other... and that doesn't always mean that it works. even within a community, one person's drive to center themselves and their own personal growth can trample others who were trying to do the same thing. perhaps not everyone in the community consents to being cooperative. perhaps the difference in archetype could drive someone to become competitive instead. and these are all value-neutral observations... no archetype is specifically acknowledged as being evil, even when they have friction with one another.

basically... this is character writing. and I find it funny that these broad categories that kids like to identify themselves with are seen as ways of flattening characterization into broad strokes like "the brave one" or "the sneaky one" or what have you, because in the case of classes, the characterization becomes deeper. and I think that's because the categories are used well... the characters all have specific relationships with the stereotypes they're ascribed by others, and the archetypes they're told they must fulfill. the classes don't define them, but they do give them something to contend with. can they fulfill their role? can they live up to their purpose? is there a place in the story for someone with an archetype like theirs? do they want to be this?

aspects get even trickier, and for this I might just link to a video I really love that covers a lot of the thoughts I've been having. it's kind of front loaded with a lot of technical talk about computer science and philosophy, and tbh I love that homestuck does actually link up those concepts with so much of it's presentation, but the main bit that intrigues me is the way the video talks about aspects as irreducible components of thought. like the periodic table of elements, but for ideas.

this drastically elevates the importance of each character's assigned category, and makes it function so much better as a tool for characterization. because, like, the aspects are actually really abstract. when someone says their aspect is "wind" or "light" you could take that 100% literally if you wanted to... but by the time you've read enough of homestuck to connect those to John and Rose, you probably understand that it's not that simple. and other concepts, such as astrology, have taught you that this is the sort of system that you're supposed to interpret, right? what is a capricorn if not a loose collection of traits that give you a certain vibe? that's what we're working with when it comes to aspects. otherwise, how would you know what void, or doom, or mind are? tbh it's actually pretty genius that astrology was worked into the comic as an aesthetic element, just so we'd all be mentally primed to do this kind of categorical interpretation... hell, even the actual signs themselves constitute a framework with which you could analyze the characters, like, how does Nepeta display typical leo traits, or how is Vriska a stereotypical scorpio... it all still works, even as you understand that each individual is more complex than the traits which support that interpretation.

in this way, the aspects are never really explained exhaustively verbatim, and are almost solely defined by the traits you've observed from individual characters, who act as representatives for what these categories actually are. or at least how they function in this instance, which is what's relevant. it's not just superpowers, and it's not just archetypes... it's both at the same time, and you come at them from a character-first perspective when you're trying to figure out what they mean. the characters inform your knowledge of the categories, and the categories act as a framework for analyzing the characters. and I love how homestuck tricks you into assuming that it has a lot of little rigid categories for the characters to slot into, and how quickly it becomes apparent that everything is way more abstract than it first appears. and yet, it all still means something. and it's really interesting to, say, compare two different time players to try to piece together what is typical for that archetype, while also accounting for their class, and trying to understand how that changes the roles they play and the ways they behave. and then you have the trolls' caste system on top of that, and the astrology angle I mentioned earlier, and there are honestly so many overlapping ways to think about it all, and I think that's the point.

#homestuck #classpect #my rant

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aromantic-misguide-to-romance · 4 years ago

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Colour Party Nightmare - short review of the Devilgrams

Since the event Nightmare is about to end soon, I decided to make short reviews - I hope it'll help someone decide whether or not to spend the DV on the last day.

Devilgrams: Lucifer's Colour Night, Concealed in Colour, Romance for You!

The three Devilgrams are connected - Diavolo throws a colour party for the brothers and each story presents the same party, from each character's point of view as MC accompanies him.

Lucifer's and Diavolo's stories are somewhat more connected as Diavolo's Devilgram gets even much more depth when read after Lucifer's grumbling.

Concealed in Colour

This Devilgram shows how the party happened "behind the scenes" - MC helps Diavolo with the idea and invitations, so this one is least focused on the party itself.

While the planning part isn't particularly captivating, some of Barbatos's comments lampshade certain traits of Diavolo. The most interesting moments are though during the party - and leave a wonderfully bittersweet feeling.

The Devilgram isn't angsty but the not very fortunate implications that are mentioned about Diavolo's status and freedom make the happy, fun moments more meaningful and satisfying to read and participate in.

Despite the slightly boring beginning, my general impression is that I learnt something new about Diavolo in this Devilgram and that the story was well thought on emotional level.

Choices: a choice affects the ending, but mostly they just set how MC behaves and don't cause any branching of the plot. The options are really different, so you're not choosing from 2 almost identical options, some of the reactions are fun and worth going through the episode multiple times to unlock them.

Music: fits the mood and doesn't distract. The club has various pieces to dance to and a slow song. Generally fitting and well-chosen.

Lucifer's Colour Night

Invitation and the party from Lucifer's grumpy point of view. It's a Devilgram that shows Lucifer out of his element, he's not enjoying the party and it's crystal clear that he wants to be anywhere but there, but MC tries to help him enjoy the time.

Mammon and Asmodeus make an appearance multiple times as well, adding some fun interactions with both MC and Lucifer - it creates a better setting to fully show him in the situation he's in! These interactions can be cut short with choices, but in my opinion their presence lets us see Lucifer from more angles and the scenes don't steal his spotlight.

Choices: it's worth it to check each option. Some of them unlock further choices and new miniscenes, some just change the few following lines. But even so, the change is big enough to unlock fun dialogue. The scenes are often hilarious, sometimes the plot branches thanks to a choice, a choice determines the ending as well.

It's a rare chance to see Lucifer in a slightly less awesome version.

Note though: MC's behaviour might be off-putting as they're pushy when he clearly doesn't want to join at all and doesn't like that he's being dragged into it.

Music: fits the setting and the mood. The music in the club changes too and considering Lucifer's likes and dislikes in music, it makes his displeasure understandable, but also hilarious considering he's annoyed at the Pride Stage music.

Romance for You!

Comedic footage of Satan doing embarrassing stuff at the party because he doesn't know how to process the party.

It's hilarious, fun and can give you a healthy dose of secondhand embarrassment.

However, it doesn't have a plot and shows Satan in just one (funny) situation. Quite a fun read but doesn't add ant depth to his character and he seems quite OOC there anyway.

There isn't really much interaction between Satan and MC - he just practices with Levi and then runs off alone to the dance floor. Nothing would change if MC wasn't there for the most part. Yes, they talk, yes, the ending has a romantic choice, but MC is just a bystander there. It rather feels like a Memory card Devilgram.

I'd say it's the weakest of the three Devilgrams.

Choices: they generally don't matter much. Satan just reacts to whatever MC says/does, aside from the ending of the Devilgram it doesn't unlock any interesting scenes/conversations.

Music: fitting. Comedic moment has comedic music, club has music that it should have, romantic moment has slow music.

Warning: albeit the Devilgram doesn't have flickering lights, it does have shaking sprites. If you're sensitive (like I am) and get dizzy from that, be careful with this one.

In conclusion: URs are good stories, offer some interesting aspects of the character and let the player spend the time with the guy. SSR is funny but offers nothing more.

#obey me #obey me!#devilgram reviews #obey me lucifer #obey me diavolo #obey me satan

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tammyhybrid21 · 5 years ago

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Mummy's Gender

Sooo, we just discovered another bit of behind the scenes stuff.

https://www.artstation.com/artwork/RGz8e

Tadeo's apartment and for the most part it's all just really interesting. A better look at where he lives, his clutter and I will probably come back to all of that, since living space says a lot.

But-- there's actually something else here, that's actually brought me back to the topic of Mummy's gender. We've got the Word of God that explains he's nb/gender yes/ambiguously gendered. Mummy is the absolute queer representation in just that and his confirmed asexuality--

But!

I'm here because of some of the stuff in that link that just... sent me down into the rabbit warren if you will-- because of some of the questions it thus brings up about Mummy's gender again.

Which we already have the WoG for, but now there're additional questions

Questions brought up by this... because-- I don't really know what to even think of it tbh. For one thing, is this Mummy? And if not then who even is it?! But for the sake of this whole analysis we'll assume this mystery picture is Mummy(which then has other questions that I'll analyze in another rant, because Tad's closet?!)

Sooo time for me to talk all about how I feel about Mummy's whole gender presentation and identity and the whole ??? I felt initially seeing this. Starting with my analysis on his gender fluidity from before this was even there for me to factor in.

So straight out, my first impression, from Movie 2 was definitely that Mummy had some level of fluidity to his gender. I mean, between this flamenco dress and the whole playing as Sara bit-- And how at ease both times he is.

And yeah, in many ways, Mummy feels like he's beyond just a simple definition when it comes to gender. Fluid between his different "costumes" throughout the second movie. From his original outfit, to all the various outfits throughout the credits. Which, those aren't always the male version of recognizable cultural outfits. He's... incredibly fluid.

But--

It's not just the clothing.

Body. Language.

But also, I would LOVE to go much, much more in depth on how many of his Autism flags are-- what I like to mentally checkbox as the more feminine ones. Not all of them, but a good number. Which is actually in how he is in social situations, how most people think of, recognize Autism. Like yes, he's socially awkward, weird, doesn't get things. But he also masks, he watches people-- Just there's a big divide there.

A divide that is actually starker when you compare Mummy's autism to my established headcanon/assumption that Tad is also autistic. Which, this isn't just in how Tad suppresses those traits either, but in how each of them are a different variety of the socially awkward and you can see how Tad pulls away while Mummy-- not exactly pulling away so much as observing.

The body language is also a BIG one.

Body language, masking, and a lot of the more "open" I guess traits.

Which-- can either be socialization as a kid, or again, that's the stuff that little autistic girls do. We learn to put on a show and act, to be "normal" or at the least blend in to some degree. And with Mummy's position-- Not that he's doing that much blending in as of movie 2, but he definitely feels very "social chameleon".

At the same time-- there are some moments. Like this where I want to talk about something in regards to another slightly understated thing. But Tad does not deal well, at all with a situation being turned on him like this, also here-- just something I think about, and in following scenes is sort of the way it feels in regards to empathy and emotions.

Because here's the thing. In my experience. Autism isn't really about a lack of empathy, or understanding emotions, as much as it is-- "They're too big/too much, I don't know what to respond to".

Which, both of them have it. But deal in vastly different ways based mainly on one thing. Mummy actually lets himself stim. I mean, you do see a little with Tad here, in his body language, a bit with his hands-- but Tad kind of... shuts down later on. Which god that reminds me of a friend of mine-- Too much negative, can't focus, can't deal--

A very guy thing, when you don't want to face, or can't really deal with all the mess in your head. Just go sullen and forlorn.

WHICH THEN COUNTER...

We have Mummy, who sure we aren't seeing much but--

He comes into the movie explaining how he's been exiled. Which then reminds me of all my awkward coping strategies. If it's not running social simulations with toys, it's... to busy myself. Do anything, everything I can to not focus on what's bringing me down. Which yeah, yeah, procrastination.

But again, it's a difference between boys who tend to dwell or go all mopey, and girls who usually try to do at least something-- not to say that there aren't girls who go off and sulk as well but-- for the most part I've seen girls who busy themselves with something, anything. A book, writing, drawing, staying up all night to rant--

ANYWAY

Between his behaviour and fluidity in clothing, I was pretty sold, even before WoG that Mummy was definitely at the least genderfluid if not fully nb. Now we actually have the confirmation of those, so I don't think I need to dwell much more on all the checkboxes there.

https://elcultural.com/Enrique-Gato-y-David-Alonso-El-reto-ya-no-es-sorprender-sino-crear-empatia-con-los-personajes

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.20minutos.es/noticia/3099494/0/claves-tadeo-jones-segunda-pelicula/

I can just link to them and rather move on. To well... Let's round this off, by precluding this, since it'll mostly be the one scene, with it being another driving point to that difference of female/male dealing strategies. But also social simulations.

"You just need some Practice!"

Which now, let's actually talk more about this scene. I kind of glossed over it but... When he played Sara. FIRST, I think my rant about the voices being done dirty still stands. But secondly--

The thing that just flew over my head are well-- Berries don't make that shape, hats don't make that shape, BOTH wouldn't stay there with all the big movements he was doing(at the start and near the end), and suspenders DO NOT a good hold make. Soooo, what does that even mean for this scene?

I mean, I never dived into it before because honestly-- it's not like it was lingered or commented on, but with that picture, and the only information we have???

And more

Remains

Consistent.

Throughout the whole scene.

Which, there's no slippage, or pop out of the hat brim(if it's the hat?!). And if it's wrappings bundled up?? Again, slippage? And the shape as well... It's just really bewildering at a look of proper analysis, because what does this mean in addition to the already stated facts?

Which also, for this scene, that's his natural hair. At least we're pretty certain of that, since it's undisturbed by anything that's off. But just-- this sent me down a whole rabbit hole. But the thing is-- between movie one and movie two, the models did get upgraded, and honestly--

I could not for the life of me determine what's going on with regards to that. BUT-- We do know Mummy comes with sort of "natural binders" in terms of his wrappings and most likely wouldn't have to worry about all the health risks living people have in terms of presentation-- aside probably chafing after a while-- because that's a suffering you just can't avoid.

Soooo what does this all add up to?

Well, we know he's already confirmed nb, or at the least ambiguous according to the creators. Which I interpreted fluid even before I had that information. And now-- at the least, it looks like he might be Intersex.

Or else I'm missing something--

Which, this does reframe some of those WoG sentences a bit-- beyond just the nb angle.

So yeah!

Now the one question is just generally what does Mummy know about this, what's the terminology and just another layer of just needing more information in general for the context of all this. Aside the small things in the movies. I waaant actual history.

(I don't know, I spent all night screaming-- really hope people offer other words and analysis on this because I'm going to sleep now)

#Tadeo Jones #Mummy(Tadeo Jones)#THybrid Jones #Agender #LGBT #Genderqueer #I have a lot more to say but tbh I'm tired #Autism #Mummy's gender is honestly the biggest mystery #And that's okay #Gender #I'm tired and this isn't filtered #G'Night everyone I'm done

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oliviacunliffe · 6 years ago

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Project proposal.

1. Review.

So far this year I have learnt to expand my creative in how I can include art techniques into my project. Therefore, this means that I will have to have to be open minded towards art techniques. Although I do find this hard because I see myself as a photographer and therefore not in touch with my creative art side because I was never good at art or drawing so I decided to channel all my creativity into my photography. when I have an idea on a shoot, I know exactly how I want it to be created and the amount of experiment ideas I can try along the way.

The research focus that I have developed this year is primary research. I have learnt this by being involved with class discussions asking questions and understanding their reasoning. Also, I have learnt that I will need to interview people to gain primary research to progress my further knowledge into my researched topic. Although the technique I am still progressing is giving other people feedback on their work.

The reason I have decided to choose 'structure of a psychopaths mind' is because I want to try something different to what I think most people will be looking too. Although, I have always been interested in all types of psychology and using my photography skills I want to show all the stereotypes and behaviours of a psychopath. Although, I am fully aware that not all psychopaths are mass killers but my side to this project is that I want to show the dark side of them and what dark thoughts they get inside their heads. I want to look into ‘psychopath’ killers around the world on what goes through their heads and behaviour traits that they display. I have always loved psychology trying to understand people’s actions and feelings. When I first came up with the idea of psychopaths I had ideas of photo shoots running through my head and this got me excited which gave me drive to carry on this idea for my project. My angle to this project is that I want to educate people on the meaning on each subject because it’s easy to throw around the words and not fully understand. I also think that dark stuff interests me and many others people because it’s the fear of the unknown and things that we are scared of that makes us more interested in them.

What I am hoping to achieve at the end of this course would to achieve a respectable grade so that I will be able to peruse my dream of working in a photography studio creating endless photoshoots for clients. Also, at the moment I am doing day events for the council and a charity that is based in London where I travel around the South East. This is something that I would really love to carry on after college and looking into creating my own business from this where I doing photoshoots and day events for charities etc.

2. Project Concept.

The inspiration for my project idea came from growing up watching serial killer tv shows with my nan and mum. The inspiration also came from always wanting to understand psychology which is something big for me because I have always wanted to understand what goes through people’s minds and why this happening. I also want to look into how they disguise themselves as ‘normal’ and how they manipulate people around them and how they learn how to express certain feelings even though they cannot feel this they can act it but they will never be able to feel this. Cults manipulate people into joining their organisation by grooming them by making the world is a bad place and everyone is against them but if they belong to this club then there is some be good in the world and they make them feel belonged to the group. After making them feel wanted they then groom them by slowly changing their views on things and slowly change their behaviour and making them do things they normally wouldn’t by saying they can get revenge by doing rituals and releasing demons and spirits into the world to torture and haunt people. The inspiration also came from wanting to do something different and I wanted to follow other artist who risen above others by creating something that stands out and I aspire to be like that. The inspiration came from the amount of ideas of shoots that came to mind and how playful I could be with it. I have also like creating dark stuff or things that maybe a little touchy to talk about but I want to express my ideas with it and the inspiration I get is inspiring others to create things. I will also be looking into cults and how this may influence people to do bad things and look into things such as rituals. As some killers follow Satanism religion and they kill people in rituals or they follow a certain way to kill people to use them as a sacrifice. Although I do feel people are quick to throw around the word and call people psychopaths but not understanding the meaning behind it and this is what I want to do is show people the real meaning of a psychopath. Although in my opinion psychopaths join cults so they can take their urge to hurt people out on animals in rituals by harming them and sacrificing them. Dark matters interest me but it kind of scares me because it’s a higher power that is dangerous to be a part of or be around where some dark rituals have happen. It’s a part of something I have grown up with learning about psychopaths, ghosts and cults so it has always interested me especially the psychology side of it.

The techniques I’m going to use to gain research, will be looking into documentaries on serial killers and structures of cults. I will also be using questionnaires and interviews to gain an insight to what people think about psychopaths and cults. I’m going to use documentaries as research because I will be looking to cases of killers and how they made people around them seem that they were ‘normal’ and not a suspect to any kind of danger from them. Also, this will give me an insight of what goes through people’s mind when they are psychotic. I will also use websites as well as documentaries so that I can research history on Satanism and cults and how they have rituals and how they influence people to be bad and committing crimes because I feel psychopaths are associated with cults as I know that the organisation have an influence on people to commit bad things.

The techniques I will need to use is the photography studio because I will be needing to use the space to create test shoots and experiments of ideas I have gathered throughout my project. Although, I may need to use the art studio to create art-based experiments that will be carried out in the art studio. I will also need the techniques on how to create the correct set up when creating a dark low-key photoshoot that includes lots of shadows as well as light.

I hope that my photography gives the message of what goes through the mind of a psychopath and an insight of the structure of Satanism/cults. I hope my work shows people what the true definition of what a psychopath is and what need to make one and the murder side of it. I want to show the structure of a cult and how it can take over your life and make you into someone that you are not and do things that a ‘normal’ person would never think about doing which links to my psychotic side of this project because it’s about how ‘these people’ act and how they don’t feel anything and they try to fit in by acting way by learning from people and this what a cult makes you do it makes you don’t feel anything but what you’re doing it right and I want to show how the structure of a psychopath and a cult organisation can be influential and how psychopaths blend in with everyone because they are intelligent on how to feel and show what goes through their minds.

The target audience that I have in mind is young people aged between 16-25 because I feel that young people don’t understand what a true psychopath is and that they don’t understand the traits of what one is. Also, a lot of people don’t realise that they might be in a cult and need something to tell them what it is but also I want to show the structure and give people a true understanding of what goes through a psychopaths mind or the structure of what a cult is and how to identify it and have a true understanding what a psychopath is and not so quick to throw the word around and easily accuse someone of something so easily. The reason I have chosen a young age range because I feel that young people may know about these things but they don’t understand them fully and don’t understand the full story of what a psychopath feels or doesn’t feel. Also, I think it might help to realise that they might be in a cult and not realise it but I want to spread the message of what goes through the mind of a psychopath and what a cult really is and how it works. I feel when people are young they don’t understand what words mean and they just call people it but don’t understand what really means and the other side to this. This is for a target audience who doesn’t have much knowledge on this area of subject because it’s all about the structure of a psychopath’s head and the structure and history of cults and Satanism. I want to express how cults manipulate and groom people inside of cults and how people easily fall for this.

3. Evaluation.

The techniques I will use to evaluate my work is by self-reflecting by making weekly reviews on my work and setting targets for myself to complete for the week commencing which I will be making into my journal. Also, I will be gaining feedback from my tutors on latest artist researches and outcomes that I have created throughout the week/project. I will also be giving feedback by my piers where I will be taking notes on how I can improve and add it to future outcomes. Also, I may get feedback from unknown people where my work is being displayed in my blog and people are open to comment what they think of my work and what they don’t like. I feel this is an advantage to me because I may get feedback from the public who can express themselves and I will take this as feedback and try to improve my work.

I will be using my journal as a place where I gather my ideas, list artist and store feedback such. I will also be using it to make a weekly feedback where I’ll be evaluating myself on how I can improve. I will be also using it as place to store quotes and thoughts that I have thought throughout my project which will be put onto my blog at the end of my project to show my progression of thinking. My journal will help me reflect and manage my targets to make sure that I am keeping up with set tasks.

Evaluation and reflection is vital because it helps with time management it helps you asses where you are in your project also it helps you look back at your work and look at areas where you might need improvement. I also think that this is vital because it allows you to get help and feedback from piers which could be helpful towards photoshoot ideas and possible artist research.

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lightsandlostbells · 7 years ago

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Druck season 2, episode 4 reaction

I want to thank turtleneck boy because I truly miss the fandom running wild with every detail and coming up with theories, I mean that sincerely. God bless you, sweater man.

Episode 4

Clip 1 - Motto selection

We have the graduating class looking at mottos. Amira and Leonie are leading the meeting. Leonie sure likes to lead school activities. We also have Mia, Hanna, Jonas, and Matteo in attendance. I really like seeing more school activities, especially since the hero party thing wrapped up last season, and this seems like a particularly German tradition from what I can tell, so it’s a cool thing to include.

Jonas is wearing a fedora today and like, he’s rocking it and twirling it around and stuff, but baby, you gotta be aware of the implications.

They’re picking out a motto, but as Leonie emphasizes with finger quotes, these are “the best” and Amira says none of them are great. “Photoshop-Philipp” put together some examples of the logos. His name is Markus. He’s the theater kid from the first season, with his hair tied back and I never would have recognized him if fandom hadn’t pointed him out.

That dude in the black turtleneck sent us all into conspiracy mode. Initially he was giving me German Even vibes, too. Was this their version of kosegruppa? He smiles when Matteo starts laughing at Photoshop Philipp, and his body language is angled toward Matteo, kinda, could that be a clue??? Why would they give us a random close-up of that guy when Jonas starts talking about CannABIs, when he doesn’t have a line at that moment or anything? Why was he tying his shoe for so long? Surely Druck is trying to tell us something!

Yet apparently it has been confirmed that he is not German Even, but is some random extra who’s been popping up in school scenes. That was a fun few days of speculation, though.

When the cannabis-themed logo pops up, Jonas says that there are some students in this school who are critical of the dangers of smoking weed, and he’s definitely directing that toward Hanna (he looks at her at the end, and Hanna looks over her shoulders and rolls her eyes). Nice bit of passive-aggressiveness there.

Another one is a parody of the alt-right Germany party (AFD) logo. Jonas likes that direction. Some random girl doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to give more attention to the party, but Amira and Mia think it’s funny. You know, kinda cool that these random students are getting a voice this season - like in the classroom debate, or the discussion here. It’s not just the main characters having all the dialogue in these scenes, it makes it feel a little more like an actual school, if that makes sense. (ETA: @randomfinny and @hyperfictional pointed out that she’s actually German Sara. Lol, I never would have recognized her, so thank you!)

I laughed at Jonas and Matteo being lazy in the back of the class. and them both putting their heads down. They’re in sync!

Suddenly there’s Axel walking in! Good thing Kiki isn’t part of this meeting. Did he join just to hang out with Mia?

I will say this, I am not complimentary toward Alex, but we’ve seen more of a personality from him thus far than with William, imo. He’s been shown to have some political opinions, and this shows a little bit of creativity/initiative on his part. He seems pretty pleased with his design/logo. He thinks it’s pretty gangster.

His logo is Abi Chaker Clan 2019, which is a reference to a family in Berlin with ties to organized crime? It doesn’t mean much to me as a non-German, but I’m going to take that it’s clever. Most of the group seems to like it. Jonas and Matteo approve. Markus doesn’t understand it. He’s like the only one other than Mia who’s not on board, lol. They take a vote, everyone puts their hands up except Mia. Hanna tells her that it’s better than others, so Mia reluctantly raises her hand. Even when she does so, she’s pointedly looking away from Alex.

As they leave, Jonas sticks his fedora on Matteo’s head. Be still my heart.

They’re going to have another meeting on Friday, Alex offers his place. Mia isn’t gonna be happy about that!

I will say this, this is what I wanted for Noorhelm remakes - give them something to work on that isn’t them dating, like a school project or whatever. Although now I’m like … they could have started with this stuff, the graduation committee, and not gotten into the whole renewed Kiki/Alex angle which makes this all messier and more complicated and harder to be on team Alex or team Winterberg. And I get that’s probably what they were going for, throwing more obstacles into the story so Mia still has doubts about being with Alex, but it also means I need that I need certain aspects addressed before I can fully get on board with this ship, and I’m afraid they won’t do that. Or I’m afraid that Mia’s flaws will be addressed but Alex’s will be excused.

That being said, I’m on team Amira with the decision to let Alex into the group. Sometimes you have to put personal feelings aside, and Alex’s involvement will benefit everyone else in the class by making the yearbooks cheaper. And tbh I don’t think it’s right to exclude someone from participating in a school group like this unless they’re actively disrupting the group itself, regardless of how much that person may have wronged me or my friends romantically.

When Mia starts to argue, Amira says that she knows the cost isn’t a big deal to Mia and some others, but other students came to her and said they couldn’t afford it. I wonder if Kiki was one of them… she probably wouldn’t tell that to Amira, though. Not in those words.

This isn’t Amira’s big secret, though, is it? Like Pawel isn’t some dude at the printing company, and she was just trying to keep it under wraps so Mia didn’t find out? I feel like her secret has to be bigger and more personal than that.

The question is, did Alex do this to get on Mia’s good side or to hang out with her? Or is he trying to engage and do something nice without expectations? Because I respect that second one more, obviously.

Amira is so lovely, I truly hope we get her season.

Clip 2 - Alex is hyped for Game of Thrones to return

Mia runs into Alex. She says they need to talk. He smirks and says, “Winter is coming,” and GOD FUCKING DAMMIT that made me laugh out loud. It’s so obvious but I laughed.

You know, Mia looks a tiny bit like Daenerys Targaryen.

There’s a shot of them walking down the path thing with the divider in the middle, oooo, ~symbolic. They meet at the end.

Mia tells him to stop grinning, and he says yes, sergeant Winter, and salutes. FUCK OFF that’s the second time I’ve laughed in this clip at this dude. I hate myself.

She chews him out for becoming a “committing patron” and he’s all “??? I wanted to help??” And I will give this to him, he did actually help out the group regardless of intentions, so maybe let that one slide, Mia, in the spirit of utilitarianism. Then she mentions NYE and the midnight voice message, which he does deserve to be chewed out for.

SOMEONE IS WATCHING THEM. It’s Sam??? Oh shit, she saw them talking! Hopefully she assumes Mia is just yelling at Alex. But she’s going to know Mia and Alex are in cahoots. Will she end up using this against Mia, or will she go to Mia and offer her support when Mia feels like she can’t tell anyone what’s happening?

Clip 3 - Ironing soothes the soul

Mia checks her phone and sees a bunch of messages from people praising Alex’s motto and hyping him up as the man. She gets off the bed, puts on a Chopin record and we are treated to a slow-montage scene of Mia ironing her clothes, including stuff like pajamas and socks, things that do not really need to be ironed if you asked me.

But I like the purpose of this scene! Mia feels out of control and frustrated and helpless with Alex’s inclusion in the group and everybody praising him and talking him up, and on top of it she doesn’t feel in control of her own feelings, so she has this ritual where she puts on music and makes her clothes neat and orderly. She uses order as a coping mechanism. Even the way this is shot makes it feel very precise and serene, the way she goes about this ritual so calmly, the way she smooths down her ironed items, the way the camera moves upward at the end, like all Mia’s anxieties are just floating away. You can just sink into this moment and realize how Mia clears her head.

Also that it’s classical music - something that also feels very orderly. And as we learn later in the episode, Mia can play piano including classical pieces so perhaps she has a strong history with it.

This was something indicated with Noora - for example, she was throwing out and getting rid of stuff once William had left her, and tidying up her room before she was supposed to meet with William prior to him going to London. She was thrown out of balance when Eskild ate her fish cakes. So I like that they’re going into it with Mia, and as others have mentioned it might be another sign of Mia’s ED. (Perfectionism is a common trait in people with eating disorders, and excessive tidiness/need for order is a sign of perfectionism).

Ironing complete, Mia searches for Alexander Hardenberg online. She considers following Alex on IG - too far, girl, he’s gonna take that as a marriage proposal.

Mia’s phone background includes Hans, awww.

She finds various links including one talking about his sister Sophie, who was two years older than he was. There are theories that Sophie will take over the Niko role, but I don’t buy that. For one, Alexander got very defensive over people talking about his “sister” in the classroom debate, and I don’t think he’d care if his sister was a creep. Second, it would be in EXTREMELY poor taste to have the biggest wlw rep on this show be a woman preying on and assaulting another woman, especially as a counter to Mia and Alex’s heterosexual relationship that’s probably going to be True Love. Just. The worst. I wrote this speculation post, but I think Sophie’s probably dead or something bad happened to her. Björn is some dude who was involved in what happened to her.

I don’t know what song this is as Mia is falling into the Alex Hardenberg rabbit hole, but it sounds like classical to me, and it’s like her coping mechanism/mental safe space is getting conflated with this guy.

Hans bursts into the room saying the Mia needs to look at his dick, because he thinks he has an STD, specifically tripper (gonorrhea) and he needs her to compare with some picture online. OK, I have to say, I have never ever heard that term for gonorrhea before. I’ve only heard it called the clap. Did Druck just teach me something? Yes, it did.

I have to praise Milena’s reactions here, they are restrained but suitably horrified.

Hans exposes his junk to Mia and she notes that yeah, it looks similar to the picture. He storms out and yells his fury to the heavens. When Mia asks if she should go to the pharmacy for him, he says he needs a chamomile tea first. LMAO. I feel like it was implied Mia would make the tea, right?

Clip 4 - Dingalings

Matteo’s just hanging with the girls as they talk about Hans’ clap, I guess. This child is not in a good state. He doesn’t seem very engaged in this conversation, but then again … would you want to hear about someone’s gonorrhea?

The girls are like HERE LOOK AT THESE GONORRHEA PICS and Matteo is just sitting there shooting them looks of WTF.

Sam calls it a “dingaling”. It’s nice to know she uses the same euphemism as my mom. She wants to know what a “gay penis” looks like, compared to a straight penis, I guess. Babe, you can go onto the Internet and find that out with a few clicks.

I laughed again at Matteo giving this side-eye to the girls while he looks at something on his phone. Or him nervously looking at them while they talk about what gay penis looks like.

Matteo picks up a banana as Sam asks about his dingaling. Druck going for that subtle symbolism, I see.

Sam asks Matteo how he measures dingalings, and he’s like, “...what?” There’s a nice moment where Hanna and Mia react and Mia tries to change the subject and divert attention from Matteo, in case this gets into uncomfortable territory for him. I liked that! Different from Eva and Noora having a fun time with Isak’s mysterious sexuality.

However, Sam really wants to know. Matteo mumbles that you do it with a ruler and Sam immediately gets out that ruler like she’s prepared to put this into practice. Not at the table, darling. Matteo isn’t even looking at them as he explains the rest.

Sam writes down “only when it’s hard” and underlines it, like she’s taking notes and this will be on the final exam for Dingalings 101.

Matteo sees Jonas walk in, and Matteo waves him over, probably thinking OH GOD SAVE ME, but Jonas just backtracks out of the room. NOOOOOO. I saw people think he was mad at Matteo, but I thought he was trying to avoid Hanna, which was confirmed in a text. If he and Matteo had a tiff, Matteo probably wouldn’t be waving him over so chill, unless he didn’t know Jonas was mad at him.

Matteo is not even looking at Hanna when she asks if Jonas has someone, just at his phone. What is he so engrossed with on his phone? Is it something specific or just generic sad teenage disengagement? Is it just him being one of The Youths?

Matteo waited until Sam left to tell Hanna that Jonas waits for her to post stuff on IG, IDK if there was a reason he waited. And there wasn’t any real reason Sam had to get up and leave during this scene, so is it at all important? Unless they just wanted the three sadsacks at the table together for the end of this clip, and Sam is not sufficiently angsty about her love life right now.

But Matteo tells Hanna that Jonas doesn’t have a new girl, he waits around for her to post new IG stories. Hanna is confused why, and Matteo is like, why does someone spend an entire evening stalking someone? Ohhh, damn. Mia is gonna feel that comment resonate uncomfortably.

Also, nice of Matteo to help out Hanna and Jonas’ relationship instead of snaking on her. As far as we know. (I think he’s being nice, not a snake this time.)

In case we didn’t get the connection, Axel texts Mia if she prefers wine or beer, for the yearbook meeting tomorrow, I guess. Checking in to see what she likes, her preferences.

We see Mia, Matteo, and Hanna at the table, all of them a little out of sorts. Mia thinking about Axel, Hanna thinking about Jonas, Matteo thinking about … something ... or someone … dude is very busy on his phone.

Clip 5 - After party at Axel’s

Mia brushes her teeth before going over to Alex’s - I guess that’s supposed to be her showing interest in him? A sign that she wants to be at her best? Or, you know, a sign that she practices good oral hygiene.

Hanna texts her and hopes she’s coming soon, because Hanna doesn’t want to be there alone because of Jonas. Damn, kids, you’re really tearing my heart out about this. Get back together already!

Axel texts Mia that she doesn’t need to bring a toothbrush because he has a new one ready for her. Well, that’s rather presumptuous. Mia seems a little amused, though.

She locks herself out of the apartment and texts Hans about it. Hans will be back at midnight to let Mia in. Also the tripper situation is still causing him pain and he stole money from his sick aunt to pay for medicine? Hans is so much more of a mess than Eskild was, like he’s going to have to evolve fast if he’s going to adopt Matteo.

This next part is beautiful, as we cut between Mia getting on the bus and traveling to Alex’s house, and shots of the characters looking into the camera as someone reads the comments about them. Isn’t this kinda like those character descriptions from pre-season? That promo stuff? So maybe it wasn’t just for promo, but an overall theme of the season, about the labels we stick on people or the shallow ways we perceive them.

Hanna - Gets bitch, red devil, arrogant. Who called Hanna a bitch?? Red devil?? Get the fuck out. Ex-BFF is from Leonie. Someone calls Hanna the “best decision of my life” and I think that was probably Jonas, please take that dagger out of my heart, oh my God.

Amira - Gets “hijab” like 8 times. So sad that this is all people know about her or think about her. They see the hijab and think that’s the sum total of who she is, rather than part of it. And it’s also othering, because the hijab stands out, it’s different from everyone else. I feel like Amira is used to it, too, like she probably expected that response. She also gets called ISIS. Man, fuck that edgy piece of shit person who wrote that. At least she gets some other comments like how she’s cool, like the people who actually know her and don’t stereotype her or judge her think she’s the best.

Matteo - Basically he’s a chill bro and fades into the background, although one person thinks he’s a good kisser. Hmmm, has he been going around smooching girls like Isak did?

Alex - gets almost all negative comments about how arrogant or jerkish he is, or his car compensating for his lack of dong size, except for some comments about how he’s hot. Look, if you want me to feel sorry about that, how people are just judging him unfairly, you’ve gotta show me more proof that he hasn’t been a major asshole throughout his high school career and this isn’t an accurate assessment of how he’s treated people or behaved this whole time, even if he’s supposed to be a nice guy underneath.

Mia - gets lots of comments on how hot she is, with some about her feminism or being boring. Habibi comes from Amira. Lesbian? Final one is “prettiest woman on earth” which probably was from Alex, honestly, and she seems kinda OK hearing him read that one out loud. (Although my kingdom for those “lesbian?” and “prettiest woman on earth” comments to have both come from like, Kiki.)

Matteo is once again lying on the couch on his phone, checked out. Someone send that kid an Even to bring him to life.

They talk about whether everyone should be able to cross out comments and that they don’t have time to chase everyone down, but I agree with Mia that everyone should be able to censor theirs, not just the committee. Alex agrees with Mia and gives a sensible option, that people have two weeks to contact the staff if they want to censor their comments. He says he doesn’t want to censor his comments because in twenty years he wants to remember what an arrogant ass he was, and everyone laughs, and you can take that as a sign of character growth that he wants to evolve past being an ass, or him thinking it was a fun time rather than something he regrets.

There’s turtleneck boy again. Who isn’t Even, but maybe could be German Julian Dahl.

Alex ordered pizza and beer, and the meeting gets more like a party. Hanna and Matteo throw pizza at each other and Hanna gives him the finger, cute! Alex arm wrestles Markus the theater photoshop kid. All throughout the evening, Mia seems attuned to Alex’s presence and keeps looking his way. I know that kind of feeling, I’ve been to parties where I was Mia and someone’s presence was like a magnet.

Hanna and Matteo talk in the kitchen about Jonas. Hanna asks where Jonas is, seeing as he’s not at the meeting, and Matteo says he doesn’t know, Jonas wanted to come. Which is a lie seeing as Jonas told Matteo he wasn’t going in a text message that we saw. At least Matteo is trying to spare Hanna’s feelings.

Mia is in Alex’s bathroom, looking at the stuff on the counter. I guess she’s just inspecting his stuff? She opens a jar and it’s overflowing with condoms, lol. I guess Alex got over his “latex allergy” at some point or learned his lesson about not wrapping it up. Maybe he had his own adventure with tripper. (I’m imagining him in his own version of the scene with Hans, wailing and opening his robe to a befuddled Toilet Sam.)

Hans texts her that now he won’t be home until 1. When Mia comes out of the bathroom, everyone else is leaving. Now Mia’s first option is that she could totally leave with her friends and chill with them, and if she’s locked out, she could crash at Hanna’s. But Amira has to study, Leonie has a date, and Hanna is going to the cinema with her dad. (What if Hanna was going to Jonas’ instead ... no, I won’t get entertain that happy delusion.) Anyway, Hanna suggests that Mia just kill time at Alex’s until she can go home.

Mia and Alex look at each other across the room. There is some nice nonverbal tension. The toilet flushes and Markus comes out of the bathroom. Now there are three of them, I like this shot of them in a triangle. Lol, Markus is so drunk he doesn’t know if he puked on himself. He doesn’t know how he broke up the Mia/Alex staring contest.

Alex and Mia look at each other and laugh after Markus leaves, which is a genuinely nice moment. Mia explains her situation and says she’ll go to the cinema or hang out in the park until then. Alex says she could stay and he’ll drive her home later. There’s a funny bit where Mia says he’s not allowed to drive, and Alex says he’ll call his chauffeur, and then does an imitation of Mia’s inner monologue - “Is he that rich? No … or maybe he is?” I do like that they’ve given Alex so much more of a sense of humor.

Lmao, Alex jumping on the random skateboard and gliding across the floor, I have to say if I lived in a big empty place like that, I’d be doing shit like that a lot. Speaking of, that is one big, spacious apartment, like there’s some art on the walls and stuff but it still gives off that cold lonely rich kid vibe.

I like Mia walking around examining the place as he makes her rosehip tea. Alex mentions that his sister used to live here - again, we don’t get more details than that, like whether she moved or died, what happened to her. It seems like he might have cut off that line of inquiry when he asks Mia if she wants honey in her tea - either a coincidence or a deliberate attempt to change the subject.

However, that does throw into context Björn’s appearance in the next clip, because Björn was showing up to the sister’s old apartment. Why was he messing around in there? I think that dude might be the sister’s boyfriend or ex.

There’s a piano. In that same room are a lot of moving boxes; either because Alex was moving in, or because the sister was moving out. Or maybe they were packing up Sophie’s things because she died?

Mia asks him whether he plays or whether it’s there to impress girls. Alex says no, so I’m betting it was the sister’s piano. He also asked whether they should go sit in the other room to drink the tea, I think that he didn’t want to answer questions about the piano or be near it, like it probably reminds him of whatever happened to the sister.

Gold star to Mia for not playing without payment and for not negotiating. I love her.

Was that the theme music from Titanic she was playing and acting like she was really into?? Lmao.

Finally, she plays something legit, “Montagues and Capulets” (or “Dance of the Knights”) from the ballet Romeo and Juliet by Prokofiev. HMMM could there be any connection to star-crossed lovers with this subject matter? Hey, it’s subtler than a banana.

At first I was wondering why her playing seemed out of sync and was like ... did they get a body double to play for her or something? Because I think Milena can really play. But then we see that it’s intentionally out of sync, as we see them eating and talking over the music. Perhaps to symbolize things being out of sorts; earlier this clip we had Mia using classical music as a way to restore order in her life, and here that order is rapidly dissolving, so the music isn’t really soothing, and the images aren’t neatly in line with it.

When Alex asks what song that was, Mia says it’s Drake. L M A O I adore her.

Hans texts Mia that he’s not coming home tonight as he’s met some other dude with gonorrhea and they’re going to hook up. Er, have fun with that, Mr. Currently Peeing Shards of Glass. Anyway, he asks if she can stay at Hanna’s. Alex says Mia can just stay there, she can take the bed and he’ll take the sleeping mat. Mia asks why doesn’t he just sleep on the couch and he says the fridge is too loud. We are treated to the sounds of the thunderous fridge. Actually, it is pretty loud for a fridge, if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing I can see it being a problem.

He says she can rent his bed for the night, like in a hotel. Which is what seems to convince her, him framing it not like a benevolent gesture but a transaction. So Alexander sets up the bed for Mia. He gives the new toothbrush that he had mentioned, and she pays him back what he gave her.

Mia climbs into bed and smells the fresh linen. She checks her phone and Hans says that Emilio finished fast so he’s coming home, and Hanna says Mia can come over. But Mia pulls an Isak, telling Hanna that Hans is home and Hans that she’s with Hanna. Wow, there is no chance of that backfiring, not with these two people who appear to be on friendly terms.

They don’t share a bed as Noorhelm did; true to his word, Alex sleeps on the floor, and she gets the bed. I think that’s indicative of where they’re at with each other right now; they still have distance between them, but they’ve developed a state of comfort and can let down their guard to a degree.

They wish each other good night, and she calls him Axel. That makes him smile. And then he asks that that wasn’t really Drake, was it? Which makes her smile. Let him go to his grave thinking it was Drake, Mia.

Social Media/General Comments

I’ll say this, Chris Veres is doing well as Alex, performance-wise. Previously he was my least favorite William, and I thought he was very flat in S1, which I guess was intentional, since I heard he tried to play Alex as very cold and unfeeling. Now we’ve seen him showing more personality and especially glimpses of humor and levity. So regardless on my thoughts of the character overall, I think the actor is doing a fine job.

A lot of people seem to have hopped on board with Alex after this episode, even people who hated William, and I think that largely has to do with the performance. I’m not sure I would say I’m completely on board with Alex as a character - he still has a lot of stuff to account for, and there are things that I really need Druck to redeem about him in order for me to like him. I especially need apologies - or at least some sense of regret and humility over his specific mistakes, rather than him trying to defend himself and Mia falling for it. But I get why fandom is starting to like him, he’s showing more charisma here. There are things I certainly like about him compared to William, for instance that he seems to have more interests and opinions on things that don’t have to do with his love interest. He had some genuinely funny lines in this episode.

Also, I’ve said it before, but I wasn’t sold on Mia entirely in S1, but Milena Tscharntke is really winning me over this season. Mia feels like her own character, certainly one with traits in common as Noora, but also not a Noora clone.

Kiki was totally absent this episode, and I wonder if that was to lull us into forgetting the Kiki/Alex drama so we, like Mia, could start to fall for him. In putting Kiki aside for an episode, it’s kind of like we don’t have this reminder of what Alex and Mia have done to her, something that I’m sure will come crashing back and causing conflict in the next episode. It also makes you wonder what Kiki has been doing since we last saw her. How is she coping? Breaking more hearts?

The music needs to be used more sparingly. This episode had some good selections but basically it’s falling into a pattern that’s plagued some of the remakes, where the music always gets used the same way: a song at the start of the clip, a song at the end of it, so that it starts to lessen the impact of the music because we can predict when it will appear. I think it happens in some remakes, like Skam France or Druck, because they run some previews/production credits at the end, and they want music to go over it instead of silence. But last season I think they did have some clips that ended with silence over the credits, or things like Hanna sighing, or random banter, and that didn’t bother me, that helped to retain the atmosphere of the clip.

There’s a theory that S3 and/or S4 have been running in the background of this season, and while I can see evidence for that, I really hope it’s not the case. Especially after this last clip - I thought it was great, the pacing worked and there were some inspired directing choices, so imagine what we could get with Matteo or Amira’s seasons with that kind of style. It would work so well with one of the long Evak or Yousana clips, something like Mekke øl or The Best of Islam.

Mia is like, “Won’t we get in copyright trouble for this?” as a feeble attempt in the committee chat not to pick Alex’s motto, lol. Give her credit for fighting a losing battle to the end.

Hans had like three text messages about his clap. First he accuses a dude of infecting him with the clap, while the dude is like, nah, just went to the doctor yesterday, I’m good, and Hans is like … oops … embarrassing. Then he goes after the next dude he banged, who reciprocates his electronic shouting match. Finally messages Michi, who’s like, thank God, I thought you were breaking up with me again. Dude. Hans. I know you find Michi a bore, I guess, but some dude whose reaction to hearing he has the clap is “at least you didn’t break up with me” to the dude who gave it to him, is someone you might wanna hang on to. And not in a boomerang way, in a “this is a keeper” way.

Matteo and Jonas text and apparently Jonas planned to skip the yearbook meeting/party because of Hanna. So that’s probably why he ran away in the dingaling clip, because he saw Hanna there. I’m wondering if they’re going to get back together this season or if they’ll string us along for a few more.

According to Matteo’s IG stories, that was the first time Photoshop Philipp/Markus got drunk, and Matteo made sure to document the highs, followed by the inevitable lows.

I’m not German, so feel free to correct me if I missed anything.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

#druck reactions #druck

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xadoheandterra · 6 years ago

Text

Series: The Burning of Solheim Title: The Path Untrodden Fandom: Final Fantasy XV Chapters: I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII | IX | X | XI | XII | XIII Characters: Prompto Argentum, Ignis Scientia, Cor Leonis, Gladiolus Amicitia, Noctis Lucis Caelum Tags: 10 years older!Prompto, Ardyn is Ardyn, Noctis doesn’t give a fuck, artist!Prompto Summary: Solheim was the height of civilization long enough that their ruins were ruins over 2000 years ago, and still had the power to function in the time of the King of Light. They should’ve realized something was very wrong the minute Prompto remarked on the lights being on, and yet no one was home.

Prompto woke with the dawn and carefully extracted himself from the pile of Noctis and Ignis on the caravan bed. Ignis rolled over and grumbled something, half on the way to waking, before Prompto tugged the blankets up and nudged the fully snoring Noctis into wrapping himself around Ignis like an octopus. It made Prompto smile—must be a Lucis Caelum trait, then, to be clingy in their sleep. The other bed Prompto noticed was empty, and really it didn’t surprise him.

There were vague recollections of Gladio up in the pre-dawn light of a Haven, and Prompto pegged the Marshal as someone who probably got up ridiculously early like, or ridiculously late like Noctis. Hell Prompto wouldn’t be surprised if the man shifted between both—waking early when out in the field, waking late when in the safety of home—but that was neither here nor there. Instead Prompto stretched and knocked open the door of the caravan to step outside and look up to the sky and breathe in the air.

It didn’t smell as fresh.

Off to the side around the table and chairs that settled outside of the caravan Cor glanced up from his beer and arched an eyebrow in Prompto’s direction in surprise. He took a look sip, then said, “You’re up early.”

Prompto glanced over and grinned. “Had to be, otherwise the Princess would never get his ass outta bed.”

Gladio slapped a hand across Prompto’s shoulder, footsteps loud on the gravel as he approached. He leaned over and eyed Prompto with some skepticism. “Princess?”

Prompto snorted and took the offered beer as Gladio shuffled him over to sit at the table with Cor. “Yeah, well, I refused to call him Healer King like everyone else,” Prompto said wryly. “I figured since he was such a spoiled Princess, why not call him what he was?” At Cor’s raised eyebrow Prompt sighed explosively. “He and his Shield found me wandering the Vesperpool,” Prompto continued, voice quieter. “I traveled with them for ten years.”

“Lucis Caelum?” Gladio asked, surprised. “I don’t remember a Healer King.”

Prompto shrugged. “His family ruled a portion Civitas Lucii, but there wasn’t a Lucis as far as I could get him to explain.” Prompto fingered the beer for a moment then said, softer, “I think he hoped to build one, someday, but….”

Cor sucked in a sharp breath and said, “You met the Founder King. The Mystic.”

For a moment Prompto didn’t say anything, and then murmured a soft, “Maybe….” He’d never heard of the words ‘Founder King’ or ‘Mystic’ to describe Ardyn before. Almost everyone called him ‘Healer’ or ‘Healer King’ or some derivative of. Heck there wasn’t really a Kingdom at the time, more of an idea, and even that wasn’t implemented beyond a few city states because no one wanted a repeat of Solheim. Instead the populace seemed mostly ready to wait until someone had been given the Divine Right to Rule by the Astrals—and who better than Ardyn who waded through the muck to commune with the People?

Prompto shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts because they lead to the reminder that Ardyn’s magic was still there and the feeling that Prompto had forgotten something important. It’d been ten years, he’d long given up the idea that he’d ever return to see the guys again, so he was bound to forget something somewhere. Instead Prompto looked out at the sunrise over Old Lestallum and felt his fingers itch for some charcoal and paper.

Prompto stood and set his untouched beer down. “I need to get some paper,” he said and moved to excuse himself. Gladio and Cor watched him leave for the market, and he waited until he was hidden away in a corner of the store before he sucked in a breath and steeled himself. He eyed the sketchbooks and the pencils with a faint frown, then reached for that fire-warmth of Ardyn’s magic and hoped, prayed, the materials were still there.

A second later Prompto blinked to find the sheet of papers he used to sketch in one hand, a stick of charcoal in the other, and smiled. With a whistled tune Prompto grabbed a drink off of the counter—Ebony, the can read—and handed over the gil needed before he took a step back outside. He dropped the can into the armiger—Noct’s armiger—and stuffed the charcoal into one pocket while he flipped through the old sketches with a soft smile.

Stuck as he was, disconnected from Noct’s magic as he was, Prompto found himself adrift without the ability to take a photograph of a scene. A part of him itched to snapshot iconic moments throughout the ten years and it was thanks to Ardyn that Prompto even attempted to sketch out something he saw once when the man commented on his artistic eye. Gil had gifted him the ream of papers and the charcoal sticks with which he made his art from and he rewarded both them of them with full portraiture’s of each in the dawnlight.

Eventually Prompto came to the last sketch he worked on, of Ardyn lounged amongst trees with Aera at his side. Prompto had planned to gift that to the man on his wedding day, and his smile turned a bit sour at the thought that he’d never get the chance to even see it now. Ardyn probably would’ve been radiant, and his bride-to-be as well from what Prompto could tell. He carefully tucked that sketch away into his clothes, and then frowned when he saw a new one he hadn’t made underneath the portrait of Aera and Ardyn.

Prompto stopped in the middle of his walk back to the caravan and turned the paper around in his hands to view the image at various angles in surprise. That—that was his face, wasn’t it? Except the hairline looked off—unless his hair had begun to recede, and Prompto had caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror last night and it hadn’t—and the clothes were ridiculous. They looked like some sort of robe-like armor thing that Gil might’ve enjoyed; something inspired by Solheim. After a second Prompto shifted the paper aside and raised his eyebrows at another new sketch.

A dozen of the strange sketches that Prompto never made, hidden away in Ardyn’s armiger, flashed through Prompto’s hands until he came across one that was far more familiar than had any right. It was him, ten years younger, with an arm slung around Noctis’ shoulder in what was undoubtedly Lestallum’s market. He couldn’t even remember the moment that this happened, except he had a good idea that it had because he’d done the motion so often it felt like breathing in a piece of memory in sepia. Prompto swallowed heavily, rolled the papers up, and stuffed them into one of his inner pockets that typically held more knives and some crossbow bolts for when he needed them.

Briskly Prompto made his way back over to Cor and Gladio, snagged his still untouched beer, and popped the top off. Without so much as a greeting he began to chug it down because what the fuck? Who drew him and Noctis? Him? And who was that other man that shared his features? Prompt didn’t know but it gnawed at him like something forgotten, a dream or a nightmare from ten years ago and he didn’t like it. He didn’t—

—Prompto gagged and spat out a mouthful of the beer and settled it down.

“Hey!” Gladio snapped, face full of affront as Prompto rubbed at his mouth. “Don’t waste the good stuff!”

“You call that good?” Prompto choked out, and Gladio grumbled good naturedly but he succeeded in the distraction and Prompto could’ve kissed him for it because—he didn’t want to think about what the sketches could mean. Instead he looked over to Cor who had a hand out with a camera in it and a wry smile.

Hesitantly Prompt reached out to take the camera, partially confused until he realized he recognized it. This was his, wasn’t it?

“You look like you wanted a picture,” Cor said by way of explanation and Prompto mumbled his thanks. He’d forgotten about the camera, so used to sketching these days, and thumbed the device on.

A second later Prompto dropped it with numb fingers and a hitch in his breath as it hit him just what he’d forgotten. The camera smashed into the ground and the screen cracked over a smugly smiling Ardyn Izunia except Prompto could recognize now what he couldn’t in a face ten years younger and not yet ravaged by Scourge. Ardyn Izunia and Ardyn Lucis Caelum were the same man and somehow he was still alive and kicking—and working for Niflheim. The little bit of Ardyn’s magic warmed in Prompto’s chest, but it didn’t stop him from feeling sick because Ardyn was alive—

—and he looked like utter shit.

The one thing Gladio had not anticipated his day to go after a week of Prompto being presumed dead, it was the events he found himself in witness to now. He bet even Ignis couldn’t have predicted this, and Ignis was terrifyingly good at predicting the outcome of things. Gladio couldn’t be certain what about this entire debacle was frightening more—the fact that Cor was actually red faced and tearing into them as a collective, or the fact that Prompto was still pale-sick and looked to be on the verge of screaming.

“—believe how little you paid attention!” Cor snapped out and turned away from Ignis who had his mouth dropped open and seemed to struggle with his own words and Gladio dragged his attention back to the dressing down they were all getting. “This was your job Ignis! You were meant to be aware of all potential political threats—”

“He’s not really a political threat,” Prompto mumbled to himself and Gladio glanced at him.

“The Chancellor of Niflheim is not a political threat?!” Cor demanded, and whirled onto Prompto who stared back and a small part of Gladio just felt glad it wasn’t him this time.

“He’s not the fucking Chancellor of Niflheim!” Prompto snapped, and then shook his head and grit his teeth. “I mean he is but—fuck.”

Noctis, dazed and on the bed, not quite certain what all the yelling even was about except that it had something to do with Ardyn, piped up tiredly, “He was helpful, if weird,” only to be cut off by Cor who narrowed his gaze onto Prompto and Gladio winced.

“If he’s not the fucking Chancellor of Niflheim who helped fucking invade Insomnia, then who the fuck is he, Prompto?!” Cor demanded, and his breath was sharp as the room went dead silent for a moment.

After a second Prompto seemed to steel his spine, and Six Gladio had to give it to the scrawny ass blond—kid grew some big fucking balls to stand up to a pissed off Cor. Gladio had enough stories growing up of the times Cor blew his top, most of them centered around either his dad or the King, and it was enough to drive him with a healthy sense of dead of pissing off the Marshal. Still, the next words out of Prompto’s mouth felt like a horrible punch to his gut, and the sound of crystal glass in the wrong color, and the weapon in Prompto’s hand made him feel just the slightest bit sick.

“His name is Ardyn Lucis Caelum,” Prompto said, and in his hand lay a very old style of crossbow thankfully not really aimed at anyone, but cradled gently, “Healer King, and to me just yesterday the dumb fuck who was tempted to touch some ancient Solheim bullshit that transported my ass through time.”

Cor swallowed heavily and stared for a long, long moment at the crossbow and Gladio wanted to cry because how was this their life? Seriously? The creepy bastard with an uncomfortable interest in his would-be King was related to the lazy bastard, and apparently Prompto was Oathbound to both. This wasn’t even touching the fact that apparently the Chancellor helped with the Invasion if Cor was to be believed which—what the fuck, man. Gladio wanted to cry.

Noctis thankfully broke up the silence, horrified that it was, with a tired, “So he’s my Uncle? Cool. Can I go back to sleep now?” and when no one told him no Noctis promptly rolled over, grabbed the blankets and pillows, and promptly dropped back off into sleep. Gladio envied Noctis in that moment, the way the black haired young man could just drop off without so much a by-your-leave.

Five minutes they stared at one another in silence before Cor spoke up again, this time much quieter as he regarded the slumbering King, “Explain.”

Gladio watched how Prompto bowed his head, but he did as Cor bade and began to talk. The words were just as crazy as the first few out of Prompto’s mouth before and made Gladio question if he were even dreaming. First the lazy Prince became the lazy King, then the Gods started to walk the earth and make demands, and Gladio had to push Noctis’ ass forward—and now this. He stepped away to fight an Immortal who was said to kill the unworthy, to prove himself the Chosen Shield of the Chosen King—not that he believed much of that tripe anyway, it just made for a good story or so he thought until Ignis ripped him a new one—to learn Prompto died except Prompto hadn’t died, he’d been transported through time by some magical ancient bullshit.

The more Prompto spoke, the more Gladio felt like the world had been stopped on its axis and the rug of reality pulled out from underneath him. He thought the Blademaster had been a terrifying mess to deal with, but it was his choice and he’d been told since he was a child how he was the Chosen Shield to the Chosen King—and he needed to prove it to himself, damn the consequences—but Prompto had it made for shitty life stories right from the start.

“Scourge?” Ignis interrupted, only once, and the sharp look Prompto gave him quieted the man down a second later.

Gladio wanted to know what Cor thought of this all as Prompto continued to talk, but the Marshal kept his face inscrutably unreadable throughout the entire story until Prompto ended it. Of course he pulled out display after display to prove his claim of who Ardyn Izunia really was, as if the very obvious connection to another armiger and magic tied only into the Lucis Caelum line weren’t proof enough.

“He’s sick?” Cor asked, and it was the first words to come out of his mouth for the full explanation, but Prompto nodded.

“It’s…he wasn’t well when I left,” Prompto said. “We knew he wasn’t well. The Confirmation was supposed to help, and it was in two months. After which he’d marry the Oracle and with that magical tie it should’ve…eased the burden.” Prompt fingered the crossbow with a frown on his face and his lips pressed thin.

Cor frowned. “How is he sick?”

Prompto shrugged and murmured, “He said it was like a thousand voices screaming in his head. The Scourge it—” Prompto grimaced. “If you’ve ever seen a person in the process of turning you would understand,” eventually Prompto said with a heavy sigh. “The amount of that shit Ardyn willingly exposed himself to, just to help random people.” He set the crossbow down and scrubbed a hand across his face. “Gil and I swore to each other that we wouldn’t leave him alone,” Prompto said into his hands. “We didn’t want to think what would happen if one of us weren’t there to distract him on the bad days.”

Some part of Prompto’s gaze grew innumerably old, even as Ignis settled down next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Ignis spoke softly, even as Cor stood there with his arms still crossed and his face still unreadable, “You make it sound as if this sickness was sentient.”

Prompto laughed, a bitter sort of broken sound that Gladio never wanted to hear again. He turned his head away from the sight of a thirty-year-old Prompto with tears and tried to think of something to keep his attention on even as Prompto said, “It is. You’ve seen it.”

Perhaps Gladio could tend to one of his blades, but which one? The large two-handed behemoth that he started out with, or maybe the thinner blade Masamune they found when wandering around Leide?

“We have?” Ignis questioned.

Prompto sucked in a horribly stuttered breath as Gladio decided upon the Genji Blade, as he hadn’t had the chance to go over the weapon that had once been Cor’s before the man lost it to the Blademaster. He thrust the mental equivalent of his hand into he armiger with the intent to drag out the Genji Blade and his cleaning materials, even as Prompto said, “Where do you think daemons come from?” which gave Gladio enough pause to turn with wide eyes onto Prompto, scabbard of the Genji Blade in hand as he stared at the man with wide eyes.

“Wait—what?!”

Prompto looked between all three of them somewhat bewildered as he said, “Wait, you guys don’t know? I just thought you never told me…” and Gladio wanted to throttle someone because what the fuck was Prompto talking about now?! Cor even looked pale and sick in the way he stumbled backward and slumped into he wall of the caravan.

Gladio set the Genji Blade down before he dropped on his ass, and then dropped into a chair with a hissed, “What the fuck,” as Ignis quickly explained to Prompto that no, they had no idea that daemons were a result of apparently an illness that affected people. If they did they would’ve taken far more precaution in fighting the fucking things and Gladio had to agree with that. He felt like he needed a shower for ten years just to get all of the now imagined infectious daemon guts off of his skin.

Eventually Gladio muttered, “I think I’m going to be sick,” as he ducked his face into his knees. He missed the way Prompto looked to him, or when Prompto got to his feet to touch the back of Gladio’s neck. He didn’t miss the way those fingers froze, and then almost seemed to dig into the back of Gladio’s neck in a subconscious twitch. He acknowledged that with a grunt as he raised his head to get a good look at the blond who stared at the Genji Blade in confusion and—Gladio decided that no, he didn’t want to know.

Instead Gladio said, “Ask Cor,” before Prompto could even voice the words stuck in his throat because yeah, Gladio was completely out of fucks to give and revelations for the day. Too much; just, too much. He shrugged himself out from under Prompto’s arm and headed for the shower instead because—too much.

#fanfic #final fantasy xv #ffxv #prompto argentum #noctis lucis caelum #cor leonis #gladiolus amicitia #ignis scientia #fic: the path untrodden #fic: the burning of solheim

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banshee-cheekbones · 7 years ago

Note

"why haven't you kissed me yet" for shyan!

thanks to the lovely people over at the bfu writers’ discord, this spiraled into a 5.7k monster, and the title just about sums it up.

relevant notes: contains lots of drinking, background Standrew, lots of fluff, and making out in a closet.

on ao3 here.

BuzzFeed Presents: We Got Drunk and Played Three Typical American Party Games.

Ryan has worked at BuzzFeed long enough to learn that, across the board, when someone is about to ask you to participate in a video that could be potentially embarrassing or particularly ludicrous, they get a certain glint in their eye, some mixture of guilt and amusement.

He doesn’t know what it says about their workplace culture that he can recognize such a glint from across the room, but ten minutes after he sits down at his desk on a Monday morning, when he looks up to see Zack strolling towards him, he immediately knows that something is up.

“Ryan!” he says, perching on the very edge of Ryan’s desk. “How’s it going?”

“Just tell me what you want,” Ryan answers, leaning back in his chair. He hasn’t even finished his first coffee yet; it’s entirely too damn early for this. To his credit, Zack takes it in stride, simply shrugs and continues.

“How would you like to spend a few hours drinking on the company’s dime?”

Ryan has to admit, that does sound intriguing, but that being said, there has to be some kind of weird twist, some angle at work, so he doesn’t allow himself to get sucked in quite yet.

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch. Not really, at least. It’s not going to cost any more than a few hours of your time, and maybe a little bit of your dignity.” He trails off a little on the last words and at least has the decency to look somewhat embarrassed, a trait that Ryan thought had already been successfully bred out of most of the people he works with.

Before he can answer, Shane pipes up beside him.

“What dignity? Ryan lost all of his two seasons ago.”

“Shut up, Shane,” Ryan retorts, smacking Shane on the forearm. To Zack, he says, “Because of that comment, I’ll only do it if Shane comes with me.”

“Fine by me,” Zack says with another shrug. “Shane, you in?” Ryan twists in his chair to face Shane, who is frozen in the middle of sipping his coffee, eyes comically wide behind his clear-framed glasses. After a moment, he finishes his sip and nods, wipes coffee film from his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Sure. Why not.”

“Awesome!” Zack says as he pushes himself off the edge of Ryan’s desk. “I’ve got six more people to recruit, so I’ll come grab you guys around noon, alright?” Without waiting for an answer, he ambles off, and it’s only as he turns down a hallway and disappears from sight that Ryan realizes he doesn’t know what the actual concept for the video is.

“Damn it,” he groans, turning back to his computer and downing the rest of his own coffee. “What the fuck did I just agree to do?”

“What did we just agree to?” Shane retorts, jabbing him in the side with one finger. “You’ve dragged me down to your level, Ryan. Again.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Ryan asks, narrowing his eyes and spinning in his chair until his feet bump into Shane’s shin. Shane just stares at him, face expressionless, and eventually, realization clicks in Ryan’s head. “Wait, was that a goddamn short joke?”

Shane’s face lights up as he laughs, and damn him, Ryan hates that he finds that adorable, even when it’s at his own damn expense.

“Bit slow on the uptake there, buddy,” Shane comments, using his foot to spin Ryan back towards his desk. “Maybe you should grab more coffee.”

“It’s not my fault your ‘jokes’ have hit a new level of cryptic.” Ryan pushes away from his desk, gets to his feet and grabs his empty mug. “But I amgoing to grab more coffee. And I’m not bringing any back for you.”

“Ryan, that’s just cruel.”

“No one to blame but yourself,” Ryan calls back over his shoulder as he leaves, fully intending on bringing a cup back for Shane regardless of what he said. There are a number of kitchenettes, snack rooms and canteens scattered around the building, but the kitchenette nearest the Tasty studio always has the best coffee, so even though it’s the farthest away from his desk, he heads there. When he walks in, there’s a fresh, untouched pot sitting on the burner, and he makes a beeline for it. Andrew and Steven are sitting at the small table in the corner of the room, shoulder to shoulder, watching something on Steven’s laptop, and before Ryan can say hey, Andrew pauses the video and glances up.

“Did Zack pull you into his video too?”

“Yeah,” Ryan answers as he leans up to grab a mug for Shane from the cabinet. He has to admit that he’s begrudgingly proud of Zack; the guy seems to work fast. “Me and Shane both. Do you know what we’re doing? He just told us alcohol was involved.”

“He said the concept was drunk people playing American party games,” Steven says. “Spin the bottle, truth or dare, seven minutes in heaven. That kind of stuff.”

Ryan fumbles with his mug and nearly drops it on the floor.

Here’s the thing: he has a crush on Shane. He hasn’t tried denying that to himself for the last few months. It’s just there, always in the back of his mind but, for the most part, he’s been able to keep it in the back of his mind, keep it quietly locked away, only to be set free when he’s alone at home in his bed.

But if he has to kiss Shane on camera for some stupid video?

He’s pretty sure there’s no way he’s going to be able to come back from that.

“Are you alright?” Steven asks. “You look like you just saw a ghost.” He snickers quietly at his own joke, and Andrew rolls his eyes expansively, even as a tiny smile ticks up at the corners of his mouth.

“Just tired,” Ryan answers. “Doesn’t really seem like Zack’s kind of shtick, does it?”

“He said it was Eric’s idea, but Christian dragged him off into the woods or something. I wasn’t really listening,” Andrew answers. Ryan blinks a few times before he simply shrugs it off; dragging someone off into the woods certainly wouldn’t be the weirdest thing one BuzzFeed employee has done to another on short notice.

“Well, I’ll see you guys there,” he says, carefully grabbing both mugs of coffee. As he makes the long walk back to his desk, he tries his best to reassure himself that it’s going to be fine. If there’s going to be six other people involved, maybe fate will smile kindly upon him. Maybe he won’t end up having to kiss Shane at all.

It’ll be fine. Really.

He’s still a few feet away from his desk when Shane glances up, spies the dual mugs of coffee, and grins.

“Aw, Ry, I knew you weren’t going to hold out on me.”

And even though he says it in a goofy tone, over the top and saccharine, Ryan’s chest still aches with fondness, and he settles for muttering, “Yeah, don’t get used to it,” as he sets Shane’s coffee down in front of him.

Maybe it’s not going to be fine after all.

True to his word, just before noon, Zack shows up at their desk and leads them over to one of the larger filming rooms. There’s been no attempt to really decorate it, but there are a number of beanbag chairs and throw cushions arranged in a loose circle in the middle of the room, and there’s a table pushed against one wall that’s sagging from the weight of all the alcohol piled on top of it. They’re the last ones to arrive; the others are scattered around, already drinking, and Annie is working on setting up some static cameras in the corners. Zack claps Ryan on the shoulder and tells them both to get comfortable before he bounds over to help Annie, and Ryan swallows heavily as he heads over to the table to grab a drink.

“This is going to be a disaster,” he mutters under his breath as he grabs a beer to start.

“Would you rather do this or the fear box video all over again?” Shane asks as he stares down at the table, spindly fingers dancing back and forth in thin air before he finally grabs some kind of cider in a purple can. Ryan shudders with revulsion at that particular thought.

“Yeah, fuck that.” After popping the cap off his beer, he drops down onto a beanbag next to Sara. Within minutes, they’re so embroiled in a conversation about Star Wars, Shane groaning at appropriate intervals, knee knocking against Ryan’s, that Ryan almost forgets what the actual purpose of them all being gathered together is.

But then Zack drops an empty wine bottle into the middle of their loose circle.

“Alright, we’re gonna do the intro and then start with spin the bottle,” he announces. “If any of you are uncomfortable at any point, just tell me to fuck off. Or give me the finger. Whatever you want. Just let me know.”

While he and Annie finish fiddling with their equipment, Ryan takes a deep breath. He’s glad that there’s some lifeline he can grab onto if things get to be too much, but all he can do is hope that he won’t need to grab hold of it, that he’ll be able to make it through the day without his inconveniently large crush making itself known.

“Why are you both so tense?” Sara abruptly asks, lightly kicking Ryan’s ankle.

“What?” Immediately, Ryan glances over at Shane, who actually does look about as tense as Ryan feels. Both of his hands are wrapped tightly around the can of cider, and one of his feet is tapping rhythmically against the ground, although it stops a few seconds after Ryan looks at him.

“I’m not tense,” Shane says, taking a huge swig from his drink. “I was just trying to think of the best way to get you two to stop talking about Star Wars for five minutes.”

“Well,” Ryan answers as Zack flashes them all a thumbs up and starts counting back from three, “I think you’re about to get your wish.”

Round 1: Spin The Bottle

Since, according to the majority of them, spin the bottle is the most boring of the three games (Kate and Niki disagree, which leads into a ten minute debate, and Ryan does not envy whoever is in charge of editing this mess), they decide that each person will have three turns at the bottle and then they’ll move onto truth or dare. Even then, the process takes a long time, and Ryan’s finished his first beer and is onto his second by the time he gets his first turn.

As he leans forward and rests his fingers on the bottle, the knowledge of how close he is to Shane sinks in. While they’re in separate beanbags, the chairs are pushed so close together that their knees are mere inches apart, and Shane’s arm is actually resting on the edge of Ryan’s chair, subtly invading his space.

(But does it really count as an invasion if he doesn’t mind?)

He shakes his head, all too aware of the presence of the cameras, and gives the bottle a firm spin. When it comes to a stop, it’s pointing at Sara, and she beams at him as she starts rummaging through her pockets.

“Wait, I have something for this.” Eventually, she pulls out a tube of lip balm, slathers some on, and replaces the cap with a pop. “Alright. Lay one on me.”

Even though Ryan is comfortable enough in their friendship to know this isn’t going to make things weird, he still feels awkward leaning over and quickly pressing his lips against Sara’s. That awkwardness evaporates a moment later, when he leans back and realizes what the taste on her lips is.

“Is that coffee? They make coffee flavored lip balm?” Sara nods and grins, and Ryan licks his lips again, because it truly is bizarre just how much the lip balm tastes like real coffee.

“How come you didn’t do that when I kissed you?” Jen asks from across the circle. This time, Sara winks and pulls a different colored tube out of another pocket.

“If you land on me again, we can try this one instead.”

Shane is the last in the circle to go, and as he cranes forward, Ryan tries to keep himself composed, tries to sink back into his beanbag and drink like this is no big deal, like he’s not internally losing his goddamn mind because there’s a chance his first (and maybe only) kiss with Shane is going to be on camera.

Instead, the bottle ends up pointing at Kate, and Ryan’s so relieved (or maybe it’s disappointment that he’s feeling) that he pounds back a third of his second beer in one swig.

The second round is uneventful, with the exception that Ryan discovers that Steven has ridiculously soft lips. When Shane spins the bottle, it lands on Jen, and he kisses her cheek so sloppily that she wrinkles her nose and says, “Is that actually how you kiss people?”

It’s a question that Ryan didn’t know he needed an answer to until she asked, but infuriatingly (and also unsurprisingly), Shane just winks before he settles back in his beanbag and polishes off his cider.

During the third round, Ryan runs out of luck.

Maybe it’s because the beer is starting to sit heavily in his head and stomach, but it takes a few moments after the bottle comes to a stop for him to realize that it’s pointing at Shane. When he glances over, his head feels like it’s full of furiously buzzing bees, so loud that he can’t focus on anything that isn’t Shane. Their arms are pressed together, and their pinkies are so close to brushing that the thought makes Ryan’s throat dry.

Before he can figure out how to proceed, Shane’s other hand performs some quick series of movements that ends with his can upturned and the remnants of his cider soaking into the front of his pants.

“Damn it!” he says, jumping to his feet. “I actually liked these pants.”

“And I think that’s the end of spin the bottle,” Zack comments as Shane brushes past him and exits the room. “Let’s take a break before truth and dare. Have another drink. I’m gonna go find another beanbag.”

For a moment, Ryan thinks about going after Shane to make sure that he’s okay, but in the end, he decides against it. After all, there’s no telling what part of the building Shane’s going to, if he’s going to steal some pants from the wardrobe room or one of their coworkers, and it was just a spilled drink; lord knows that they’ve both done more embarrassing things on camera.

He takes a quick break to hit up the bathroom and grab a snack from the nearest canteen, and when he comes back, he plucks another beer from the still overloaded table. He sinks back down beside Sara, who simply stares at him, eyes twinkling over the rim of her glass of wine. After a moment of trying to interpret the look in her eyes and failing miserably, he simply sighs.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she answers, eyes still twinkling. “Shane’s normally not that clumsy, is he?”

“Maybe he’s tired,” Ryan says, and even though he’s not defending himself, it still sounds like a weak excuse even to his own ears.

“Maybe,” Sara says demurely, moving her drink closer to her mouth. Ryan can still see her smiling through the glass, but before he can comment on it, Shane comes back in, wearing a maroon pair of pants that, Ryan is displeased to note, hit him in all the right spots and make his already endless legs look even longer.

“Damn it,” he mutters into his beer as Shane grabs another can, this one light pink, from the table. Sara giggles and pats his arm consolingly, and even if Shane wasn’t about to sink down beside him, Ryan wouldn’t bother to try and convince her that there’s nothing worth consoling him over. He knows that she knows.

He just hopes that nobody else knows.

“Did I miss anything?” Shane asks, plopping down into the new, clean beanbag and popping open his can of spiked cream soda.

Ryan shakes his head, does his utmost best not to stare at how the pants are clinging to Shane’s thighs, and takes another sip.

“Nah. Didn’t miss a thing.”

Round 2: Truth or Dare

Because so much of the afternoon has already dragged by, Zack unilaterally decides that they’ll each only take two turns for truth or dare before they move on to the pièce de résistance of the afternoon.

Before they can actually launch into the game, Kate chimes in with, “When we played this in high school, we had a rule that if you really didn’t feel comfortable answering a truth or doing a dare, you could finish your drink instead.”

Ryan thinks that sounds like a potentially dangerous idea that could also lead to some great material, so when Zack asks them all if they’re okay with it, he nods, after which the game begins with Zack asking Jen what she picks.

They make it to the second round before someone bows out; when Steven picks truth and Jen asks him to tell the story of how he kissed Andrew for the first time, Steven shakes his head and downs the rest of his drink, cheeks pink.

“None of you would ever let me hear the end of it,” he says, licking his lips and laughing before he turns to Andrew, who also picks truth.

When it’s Ryan’s turn, he picks dare, and Sara makes him record a video of him saying, with an utterly straight face, ghosts aren’t real, after which he has to post it to both Snapchat and Instagram. Once that’s done, he pockets his phone and turns to Shane, whose eyes are looking a little bit glassy.

Which Ryan can’t blame him for, because he’s pretty sure if he stood up, the room would have a distinct sway to it.

“Alright, big guy,” he says. “Your turn.” Shane hems and haws for a few moments before he shrugs.

“Gimme a dare. The best one you can think of. Let’s end this with a bang.”

Just like that, it seems like every original idea Ryan’s ever had vanishes from his mind. Technically, he supposes that he could pay it forward from Sara, could make Shane post something about how ghosts are totally real and he’s just been pretending to be a skeptic this entire time, but that seems cheap.

After a moment, an idea does come to mind. It’s incredibly stupid, and just thinking it makes him feel like he’s fourteen again, but it’s the only thing he can think of.

Besides, a part of him, a part that he probably wouldn’t listen to if it wasn’t for the alcohol floating through his system, is curious.

“Alright,” he says, hoping with everything he has that the nervous energy flooding his veins isn’t obvious on camera. “Here’s an oldie but a goodie. Kiss the person in the room you find most attractive.”

There’s almost zero hesitation on Shane’s part before he picks up his latest drink, some kind of fruity vodka concoction, and slams it back, throat bobbing as he swallows. When he’s eventually done, he drops the can to the floor, a trickle of liquid leaking from the corner of his mouth.

“Look, I can’t pick,” he says to a chorus of well-natured boos. “It’s not my fault you’re all so beautiful.”

Ryan joins the chorus of boos, but his stomach has dropped somewhere below the floor, and the buzzing bees have returned to his head. His curiosity, rather than being sated, has only gotten worse, and they still aren’t done filming.

The next time Zack asks him to participate in a video, Ryan’s going to straight up throw something at him.

“Convenient timing,” Zack says, pulling his headphones off and yanking his phone out of his pocket. “Pizza’s here! We’ll be right back.” After setting all their equipment down, him and Annie head out, and Ryan immediately gets to his feet with excuse about needing some fresh air. It’s not actually a lie; his head is swimming, and his legs are definitely not as sure underneath him as they should be, so he heads down the hallway to the nearest exit. It opens out into an alleyway that leads to the loading dock, and he props the door open with a rock before he slumps back against the stuccoed wall and takes a deep breath.

This is ridiculous. He’s been crushing on Shane for years, he suspects, on some level or another, and he’s been wholly aware of his crush for months now. He’s spent nearly every single day of those months in close proximity with Shane, and even at the worst of times, it never felt thisoverwhelming to be near him. He’s never felt like his head was going to actually implode.

Maybe it’s just because Shane is acting so bizarre. He’s always been honest, has never shied away from doing or saying things that Ryan wouldn’t, but he’s acting cagey now, like he’s dancing around something.

He takes a few more minutes to try and ground himself before he heads back inside. The pizza is stacked in the middle of the circle, and Ryan grabs yet another drink and a slice before he settles back. Shane is in the middle of trying to woo Jen into being a guest on a new episode of Ruining History, but once she gets distracted by an incoming text, he turns back to Ryan and claps one huge hand on Ryan’s knee.

Ryan feels like he’s been branded.

“You alright, buddy?” His hand lingers on Ryan’s knee a beat too long, and Ryan is caught between pressing up into the touch or yanking away.

(He knows which of the two options would be better, considering his goal of not having his stupidly massive crush revealed by day’s end, but that doesn’t mean it’s the option he wants.)

“Fine,” he answers, biting into his pizza. “Just been a long day, y’know.”

“Yeah.” Shane’s hand finally slides away from his knee and drops back into his own lap. “Almost done though.”

The end may be in sight, but so far as Ryan is concerned, it still can’t come soon enough.

Round 3: Seven Minutes In Heaven

By the time the pizza is cleared away, it’s clear that, even with the introduction of food, the energy in the room is flagging. The circle has dissolved into something more resembling a loose blob, and people are absently sipping at their drinks, like it’s more a habit than an actual thing they want to do.

“So, Andrew,” Zack starts once they’re officially filming again, “do you guys wanna go first?”

At some point while Ryan was outside grabbing some air, Andrew relocated himself to the corner of the room. Steven is stretched out on the floor beside him, head pillowed in Andrew’s lap, fast asleep. Andrew is absently running his fingers through Steven’s hair, and without pausing his movements, he looks from Zack to Steven and back again, and answers, utterly stone-faced, “No.”

It’s not a tone that leaves much room for debate and, wisely, Zack doesn’t try. He simply nods before he turn to face the rest of them and asks, “Any volunteers?”

Ryan knows that they’re going to have to do it eventually and, frankly, the sooner they can get this over with, the better. Besides, while he knows that whatever closet they’re going to be stuck in is wired for sound and camera, part of him wants to see if Shane will remain so damn cagey when they’re stuck in a tiny space, when he can’t come up with some way to get out of it.

(He just hopes that his own imagination doesn’t run away with him when he gets in there.)

“Alright, c’mon big guy,” he says, wrapping his fingers in the sleeve of Shane’s shirt and hauling him up. Ryan wobbles on his own feet for a few moments and has to give his head a firm shake in order to catch his bearings. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

The closet is right across the hallway and, thankfully, isn’t horribly small; it’s packed full of cleaning supplies and lined with shelves, but there’s still enough room that they don’t have to be standing toe to toe. Once they’re both inside, leaning back against opposite shelves, Zack flashes them a thumbs up and reaches up for the light cord hanging from the ceiling.

“See you in seven minutes!”

With that, the room plunges into darkness and Zack pulls the door shut. Moments later, there’s a faint but audible click as the door is locked from the outside, followed by footsteps that rapidly fade away.

While the closet is more sizable than Ryan expected, it still doesn’t feel like there’s enough oxygen in the room. His head is pounding, and his fingers itch with the urge to do something, to reach out and touch Shane in some way.

He suddenly has a very bad feeling that the impulsive part of his brain is about to betray the logical part, and like a car crash, there’s nothing he can do about it but watch.

“So this is kinda cozy-”

“Why didn’t you kiss me today?”

Sure enough, there’s the betrayal.

He can’t see Shane, but he can feel the room’s atmosphere change, can tell that Shane has gone completely and utterly still. If it weren’t for the lock on the door, Ryan would simply say fuck it, bolt out of the building, use up some vacation days and try to forget that this ever happened.

Eventually, just when he’s thinking about maybe changing the topic, playing oblivious to the fact he said anything at all, Shane clears his throat.

“What are you talking about?” There’s a creak, and the darkness in front of Ryan changes as Shane steps away from the shelves, moves closer to Ryan.

Ryan swallows.

“Uh,” he begins, trying to find the words. The air feels even thicker now, like he might suffocate on it if he isn’t careful. “When we were playing spin the bottle. You spilled your drink instead of kissing me. And I don’t think it was an accident. And then-”

“It wasn’t,” Shane interrupts quietly, and the rest of Ryan’s spiel, about what happened during truth or dare, dies so quickly in his throat that he nearly chokes on it.

“It wasn’t?” he repeats, wishing like hell that he could see Shane’s face, that he could get some indication that could help him determine whether the slow warmth spreading through his stomach is wholly premature.

“No.” One of Shane’s hands brushes along the outside of Ryan’s arm before it settles on the shelf beside him, close enough that Ryan can feel the fabric of Shane’s shirt grazing his bare arm. “I…” He pauses just long enough to sigh before he continues. “Look, if I’m gonna kiss you, I don’t want it to be because of some stupid video. I want it to be because you want it too.”

The warmth spreading through Ryan’s stomach abruptly surges up into his head.

“Oh.” A sudden bolt of bravery hits him, and he tentatively reaches out until his fingers skim along the slight curve of Shane’s waist. He settles his hand firmly there before he continues, “I want it. I really, really do.” On an abstract level, he’s aware of the exact circumstances that pushed them into the room, aware that their every movement and word is being recorded, but that’s not important. What’s important is that Shane is stepping even closer to him, that one of his hands is running up Ryan’s bicep before it comes to rest on the side of his neck.

“You’re sure?” Shane leans in, and their noses awkwardly bash together before his forehead drops against Ryan’s. “This isn’t just-”

While Ryan isn’t a psychic, can’t say definitively that Shane’s next words are going to be something about the video, he can’t bear the thought of Shane thinking he’s a liar so, while it’s rude to interrupt, he cranes up on his toes and follows Shane’s warm breath until their mouths brush together. The rest of Shane’s words stutter to a stop, and he breathes a quiet sigh against Ryan’s lips, a tiny bitten-off oh that Ryan wants to memorialize in every possible way.

While Ryan has imagined their first kiss an embarrassing amount of times, he never pictured anything quite like this: in a darkened supply closet at work, their friends only a few feet away, a shelf digging hard into the base of his back and a little too much alcohol soaking into his brain.

But hey, he’ll take it.

Eventually, Shane pulls back a little and takes a deep breath. His hands have somehow both landed on Ryan’s chest, are fisted in the fabric of his shirt tight enough that it’s ridden up, and he bumps his nose against Ryan’s.

“Wanna do that again?” he asks, and while Ryan can’t see it, he can sure hear the grin in Shane’s voice.

“Fuck yeah,” Ryan answers, a little surprised at how out of breath he feels. “C’mere.”

The next kiss is firmer, lasts longer. The one after that is the first with tongue. The one after that is the first where Ryan gently sinks his teeth into Shane’s bottom lip and tugs.

And whether that’s the true catalyst, after that, he loses track of individual kisses.

It feels like a levee has broken, like everything he’s forced himself to hold back over the last few months is pouring out in one fell swoop. He wants to touch Shane everywhere he can, wants to know every last inch of him. His hands flit up the swoop of Shane’s neck, along the line of his shoulders, down over his chest. Occasionally, they tangle together with Shane’s, and Ryan almost wants to pause for a few moments, just to fit their fingers properly together, to see how it feels.

But he suspects that he would have to stop kissing Shane in order to truly appreciate that, and he’s damn well not ready to pull away yet.

Eventually, the shelf digging into his lower back becomes too painful to ignore. He doesn’t want Shane to have to experience the same thing so, as he steps forward, he uses his grip on Shane’s waist to turn him so that Shane’s back ends up pressed against the door of the closet. Shane hooks his fingers into Ryan’s belt loops and pulls him back in before Ryan can so much as take a step towards him.

The next time he has to pull away to breathe, he busies himself by pressing a series of quick kisses along the jut of Shane’s jaw, relishes in the groans that Shane gives him in response. He’s just moved down to Shane’s neck when he hears footsteps on the other side of the door.

By the time the significance of those footsteps sinks into his brain, it’s too late.

The door clicks open, and Shane goes stumbling backwards out into the entirely too bright hallway. He doesn’t let go of Ryan’s belt loops, and Ryan goes crashing into his chest, which leads to the two of them falling to the floor. The breath rushes from Shane’s chest with an oomph as Ryan lands on top of him. His teeth sink into his own tongue, and he curses as he turns his head and looks up at where Zack is staring down at them with a grin so obnoxiously bright that Ryan thinks it could illuminate a room.

“So,” he says. “How was your seven minutes?”

“If you put literally any of that footage,” Ryan starts, jerking his head back towards the closet, “in the video, I’m going to kill you.”

“Fine.” Zack shrugs so casually that Ryan knows there’s something he’s missing, but he’s a little too drunk (both from alcohol and from kissing Shane) to figure it out. “You guys can head out, if you want.” With that, he walks back across the hallway, and Ryan catches him saying, “Sara and Jen, you’re up!”

“Jesus, you’re heavy,” Shane mutters from underneath him, which spurs Ryan to his feet.

“Whatever, shut up,” he says, reaching out a hand to haul Shane to his feet.

“Hey, it’s not that I’m opposed to you being on top of me,” Shane continues, raising his hands defensively. The collar of his shirt is crooked, and his hair is an absolute mess, tugged into unruly spikes. “Just might be better if it’s on a bed. That’s all.”

The warmth that abruptly left him when they spilled out of the closet starts building in Ryan’s stomach again.

“Yeah? Your bed or mine?”

Shane grins at him.

“Surprise me.”

When the video premieres two weeks later, Ryan discovers that, by pure technicality, Zack did keep his promise; none of the footage of them making out inside the closet has made it into the final product.

The part of them falling out of the closet, on the other hand, has.

Normally, he’d leap up from his chair and hunt Zack down, but Shane’s foot is pressed against his calf underneath the desk, and that single point of contact is enough to keep him in his chair, keeps him from doing nothing more but muttering about how he’s going to get revenge.

“Don’t worry,” Shane responds, casually dragging his foot down to Ryan’s ankle and back up. “I already have some ideas.”

(And if Ryan wasn’t totally gone on the guy before?

Well, after that comment, there’s absolutely no turning back.)

#shyan #skeptic believer #ryan x shane #shyanlibrary #i smashed this entire thing out yesterday somehow #so kudos to the inspo gods for that #mine #mine: fic #rpf for ts

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lanceville · 7 years ago

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Honestly I have been offended by this discussion, and some of your responses have made me feel uncomfortable and borderline unsafe. Lance is Cuban, he's brown, these traits would both be very important to him. There are pale poc, but even within our own communities colorism is a huge issue. These divisions matter because our culture matters, and saying we all go to the same dirt delegitimizes the bloody struggle for human rights to this day in a major way. It matters because we're alive(1/2)

Poc upset with whitewashing deserve to be heard, and if dealing with just the Voltron fandom has made you so harsh to rude criticism, can you imagine how it feels to deal with it literally from all angles your entire life? I trusted this blog and now I’m not so sure, because the specifics of his identity are important and worth preserving against fandom degradation. 2/2)

firstly, i terribly apologize for making you feel that way. genuinely and with all my heart as it was not my intention to hurt anybody in any way. i’m really, really sorry.

lance’s identity as well as everyone else’s should be preserved, and people have the full right to be proud of what defines them be it nationality or color or race or culture. i apologize again if what i’ve said yesterday has made you think i don’t support that.

what i meant to say was that despite our multifaceted differences, we’re all equals at the end. all people should be treated with respect no matter what part of the world they came from. i know that being represented is a huge important thing, but it simply saddens me that we even need to struggle to prove that we’re as equal as the other side of the globe. i don’t wanna delve into history or politics, and i know why the world ended up this way, but knowing why doesn’t mean i comprehend why as it doesn’t make sense to me. culture matters, identity matters, what part of the world you’re from matters - i was immensely happy to see a diverse group of characters come together from different parts of the world and treat each others as equals and show that despite the difference in appearance and culture we’re all equal and the same internally. and this is the point i wanna get to: equality. this person’s skin color might be yellow, another’s might be white, mine might red, someone else’s might be black, but at the end of the day, should it really affect how we treat each other? i don’t ask people i meet what their nationality is (it would be clear to deduce that without asking, yes, but i try not to assume it). i treat them as an equal human being. yes, i might ask them about the country they’re from later for curiosity’s sake, and to know more about them because again, feeling proud of one’s identity is important and it’s also nice to know about different cultures, but they’re?? still human beings in the end??? skin color and race acknowledgement and representation is really important in these times, i’m fully aware of that and i support it 100000%, but the only way i “label” people is based on their values and manners, not their physical appearances. i know that racism and discrimination persists, god i first-highhandedly know that, and i’m really not trying to make light of this issue and i know it’s much more complicated than i made it seem, but it’s true that we all came to be from the same creature and will eventually return to be part of earth. i just still find it sad how advanced humanity became yet most still struggle to claim their rights that should’ve been automatically present and granted to them since their birth as this planet belongs to all of us equally and not one group without the other.

i don’t support whitewashing. i don’t at all. and i totally agree with you on hearing out people who are upset with something that offends them. but, what i meant to say yesterday and probably miserably failed to, is that when people draw pocs, they always go to the darkest of shades when in fact, pocs are of many, many skin colors of varying shades, not just dark-skinned, and there are many variations of the darker skin colors that are all valid. lance is brown. a beautiful tanned brown. but it’s just like…. there’s a certain shade of darkness for characters that are considered “brown” that if someone went half a shade above, it’s immediately considered whitewashing, when the character’s canon skin color would be actually lighter than that of the fanon’s. look, i really don’t mind that. draw lance in whatever shade of brown you want, i’ll love him all way and appreciate your love for him too. i don’t really mind how you color lance’s skin as long as it delivers the message that he’s brown, cuban, and poc, that his identity is not erased. but constantly accusing people who draw some characters in their canon-that-is-lighter-than-fanon skin color of whitewashing left and right is not nice. that’s all i wanted to say, and i apologize for the way i phrased it yesterday. when that anon called my icon white yesterday, i honestly couldn’t understand how since i wouldn’t have used it in the first place if i thought so or even as much as speculated that it might be, because i love lance and i love every single trait of his and will protect everything that makes him him. but maybe it might have been a little pale without my realizing bc of my screen brightness or coloring or maybe because i looked at it for too long that i normalized his skin color or some other factor… i don’t know. i really don’t know anymore. it might have appeared pale to some and dark to others, but even if it were offensively pale without my noticing, i should’ve been told that in an acceptable way, not as if i’m the one who colored him as pale as milk and intended to whitewash him and offend every poc out there. i was just already ticked off because of multiple stuff yesterday and receiving such a message might have made me reply in a ways i wouldn’t normally do, and i’m sorry about that. please understand that i’m human too and i’m bound to make mistakes… but hopefully this would never be repeated again. thank you for sharing your concerns with me, and i apologize again for any discomforts my dumb tired sleepy yesterday self has caused.

#long post #negative #discourse #anon #asks

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melsnoodles · 7 years ago

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How long did I take you to get as good as you are? And do you have any tips?? I could really use some to improve on anatomy, expressions detail etc

OH NOOO I’m too flattered!! ; ; thank you so much!! ❤

I always see people saying they started drawing since they could hold up a pencil and while I did doodles for a lot of my childhood I don’t think I started taking drawing seriously ‘til 6 years ago (I was 16!) and I don’t think I’m to a stage where I’m pleased yet, but there’s always time to learn more as long as you want to improve! here’s some stuff that have worked for me and I try to keep in this mindset!!- don’t worry about trying to have “a style”, stuff like that comes normally the more you practice. Look at all the art you like and don’t be afraid to adopt traits from your favourite artists cuz eventually it’ll all blend into your own thing and you won’t even notice, what matters is that you keep on trying new things, that’s how you’ll discover what suits you best!- A good tip for anatomy is always drawing from life, but if you have too much trouble with proportions what I do is open a photograph on your nearest drawing program and break down the proportions in a different layer. That way it’s like you translate it to a sketch and get more used to seeing it as such; you’ll know vital parts of the process so it won’t feel like there’s such a big divide between the model in front of you and the wonky line you just did. PLUS it helps ya break down how body parts are connected!- EXPRESSIONS nobody does expressions in the same way. I pay attention to friends and family and try to appreciate little details they do: something as simple as a smile can vary a lot. Some hide the lips and are wider, some are small smiles that show more in the eyes, it’s all so fascinating when you try and think of “how i’d do a cartoon of this person”!! what to emphasize and all, the more you think of it and analyse, the more expressions become more a matter of “how does this person express this and that”- talking about expressions, having projects and acting on them does wonders!! When I doodle idly sometimes I’ll find myself avoiding certain angles or poses because “it’s been a while since I drew x, I wanna show his face dammit”. I wanna make it showy and good! But when you have a project that requires specific situations in mind, say, like an animatic or a comic, you’ll find yourself letting go of that fear because you’ll have many prompts and situations to show different aspects of this character. You wont be afraid of showin this character from the back cuz you’ll already draw him from the front a lot, so it’ll naturally push you to adapt to a prompt and stick to it because you’ll be drawing a lot. It’s not only the best way I know of letting go of that “this pic needs to be good” feeling that doesn’t let you try weird or new stuff, but also it pushes you to practice without even noticing! It’s motivating!

- and super importantly, when you feel like you’re not good enough or you’re going thru art block, try new things to keep your mind always exercising that aesthetic muscle! I do a redraw of an old thing every once in a while, or draw a character I like that I haven’t done before, or even do studies from life since they don’t require you to come up with a creative idea but keep you learning. Art block goes away if you don’t let it get comfy in your mind, you gotta fight it with productivity even if you’re not fully pleased. Art challenges are there to help ya out!

That’s all I can think for now but let me know if I can be more specific on anything, I hope these help you out as much as they’ve helped me!

#sweet anon #thanks so much for the good vibes #i hope this can send some your way too!#art tips

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ghostmoor · 8 years ago

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I think I’m about ready to dump all this info out into the world now

Click & Yeva were originally RP characters tied to a central location so where they came from wasn’t hugely important, and they only very briefly saw any use, but I still love them both a lot and since I’ve been reshuffling all my other storylines I decided to put some actual work into where they live/come from (also because I hate just making stuff Vaguely Nonspecifically “Tribal” w/ no real structure). This is the result of that. My constant hunger for worldbuilding is insatiable and Oddworld provides a such nice framework for doing that

More info under the cut! This got really long

OVERVIEW

SO, Dep Mudaaya: the tree-singing people, named for their use of chanting to bend the plants of the jungle they live in to their will. As of right now, their existence is very uncertain. There’s only a couple of colonies left, and they don’t really have any non-Mudaaya neighbours nearby to connect and potentially revive their breeding populations with. On top of it all, they’re under constant threat of loggers trying to encroach on their forests. They’ve been able to keep them at bay long enough to weave the trees into barriers tough enough to navigate that they’ve slowed industrial progress to a crawl, but now they’re basically caught in a stalemate.

Still, they’re mostly trying to carry on as usual, although tensions rise with every death that occurs, knowing that there’ll come a point where there are more deaths than births.

ASTROLOGY

They have a complex social structure, with folks divided up into eight different social classes based on role (above), and then further by their hatching time (janpa), which is akin to a horoscope of sorts and is said to influence personality and mindset. There are two primary alignments:

ra-jan, sun-born; open with their words and affections, and good at empowering the masses, but with a tendency to be naive, oblivious and myopic, sometimes making very careless mistakes. They flourish in environments where people are emotionally satisfied and happy, or where they can make them feel that way, but their advice tends to be broad and generic and they struggle to handle more nuanced, personal problems, both their own and others’. Their appropriately sunny personality makes them suited to occupations that need an optimistic mindset, a good leader, or someone to inject some goodwill into a situation.

cha-jan, moon-born; usually very in touch with the complexity of emotions, they bear a strong sense of empathy for others. They tend to be a little reserved, and calculate their moves very carefully, sometimes overthinking things to a fault. They like to take time to reflect on things, and are awful at making impulsive decisions. They’re also realists, and despite their empathy, they can rub people up the wrong way by telling them what they need to hear when it’s not what they want to hear. They’re suited to jobs that require a lot of careful thinking, careful speaking, and careful acting, and an ability to see a situation from many angles.

There are two secondary alignments, rarer by virtue of being born in the transient period between day and night, held as intermediaries possessing valuable traits of both personality types, and potentially possessing other special abilities due to these intersections.

sa-jan, dawn-born; sun-dominant, they possess the optimism and strength of will from the sun, and the strong sense of empathy from the moon. They make for excellent, if somewhat volatile and occasionally stubborn, negotiators and tacticians, and are often considered to have high potential to set new social precedents, or to revolutionise some aspect of life. At their absolute best, they become iconic figures of love, protection and perseverance in their tribe’s history through their actions.

dhu-jan, dusk-born; moon-dominant, they are ruled first and foremost by their mind and emotions, but carry the impulsiveness and somewhat short-sighted nature of the sun. They are often considered eccentric, not only overthinking things but acting out their quirky plans and odd interpretations of things. They tend to be a bit more emotionally distant than moon-born, though not through lack of trying. Despite their flaws, they are considered to be deeply connected to and cognisant of the spiritual plane, and excellent practical problem-solvers due to their lateral thinking ability.

On top of personality traits, there are various other natural phenomena and specific religious concepts which each different alignment is associated with.

They follow a lunar calendar, with specific cultural events at certain intersections of moon phases, such as all full or all new moons landing on the same night, and ascribe significance to various other specific intersections, deeming certain moon phases to be prime time to perform certain acts or rituals.

SOCIAL ROLES

Eggs are raised in nurseries in the central hub of the colony by sun-born parichakar, and if they hatch a worker, remain in the nursery for a year or two before they’re handed off to a willing gharavali parent. They’re then raised in that sub-village, where they’re taught basic life skills and allowed to explore their options before picking a class to become, around the age of 5 or 6, at which point they may then again move to live with a different guardian, depending on local norms/personal choice.

If an egg hatches a drone or queen, they automatically have their class assigned to them and are raised into that class from birth. Once they’re older, they form the Sambandhar, effectively a sort of party of ambassadors who travel around both their home colony and others, discussing politics, infrastructure, and just doing general reconnaissance on how things are.

Pracharanee remain part of the Sambandhar for life; ranee are often out of it by their pre-teens, but it depends on when they are called up to take on a breeding role. Parichakar-in-training are also part of the Sambandhar, learning how to play host, developing strong social skills, learning to navigate politics, and gaining a wider worldview that makes them better companions and advisors to the queen and better at raising well-balanced children.

In the times when they weren’t fretting over keeping their colony alive or worrying about what happens when a Mudaaya maharani dies because they weren’t short on replacements, some ranee would opt to renounce their role and remain part of the Sambandhar indefinitely, effectively adopting a pracharani’s role minus the breeding. Referred to as sambhalanee, opinions range from quietly tolerant to openly accepting.

There’s also the chodanur, ranee or pracharanee who abstained from breeding and being Sambandhar participants entirely and took on a worker role, which were seen similarly - though maybe judged a tad more harshly - to sambhalanee. They’re essentially the same concept as the northern idea of worker-queens and drones.

Workers moving between worker-dominated roles is usually permitted; it’s common for older muds to retire to a less physically demanding role. Non-parichak workers taking part in the Sambhandar is typically prohibited, though there has been debate over this in recent generations as the breeding population dwindles in numbers. Even prior to this, there were a few workers who did successfully participate on the grounds that it would be no different for them to be a pracharani from a rani being one.

RELIGION

Dep Mudaaya don’t worship a single, ultimate, unifying god, but they do believe in a universal force that dwells not only in the mortal life of Oddworld, but also facilitates the existence of various deity-esque entities, spirits and supernatural beings. They’re animistic, believing that all things carry this life force, akin to the concept of a soul. Some of these beings are free-willed and self-governing, while others act out the will of larger, more powerful spirits.

It’s this life energy that mudokons can channel through chanting and ritual means to influence the world around them. Anyone can learn to harness it to some degree, though in order to truly master the skill and fully comprehend the spirit world that exists parallel to the corporeal one, lifelong training and honing of the skill is necessary, hence the existence of shamans and their apprentices. When a being dies, this life energy returns to the universal pool from which all things gain their energy. Ghosts and spectres are the result of that energy being pulled back to the corporeal world, but having no body to return to.

The two things they worship universally are the sun and the moons, given that the celestial bodies are so important to their society, but beyond that, it’s kind of a free-for-all. Most natural phenomena are commonly represented: wind, rain, and the seasons, either as a collective unit or individually. Temples and shrines dedicated to the land, vegetation and revered animals such as the manterine are also commonplace.

Sometimes whole branches will pay respects to a particular force or entity; sometimes just one village; and sometimes even individuals or cohabiting “family” units will put their faith in a being or force that’s important to them personally. There’s a spiritual entity for every occasion in their belief system, so numerous that some will be entirely unique to just a handful of people.

#art #oddworld #dep mudaaya #when will i stop? never

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minaminokyoko · 8 years ago

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Wonder Woman (2017): A Spoilertastic Review

*slowly puts on armor from head to toe*

So.

Wonder Woman.

Get ready to hate me, unfollow me, or whatever you have to do, because I think it’s…

Mediocre.

Adequate.

Fine.

Just fine.

No more, no less.

And having been a fan of Wonder Woman since I was a kid, this is almost as bad as if the movie had been as terrible as BvS or Suicide Squad.

However, before you foam at the mouth and start lighting your torches, hear me out.

For the sake of argument, let’s say you went to a restaurant and ordered a four course meal. The appetizer wasn’t good, but it was okay. The salad was godawful and the entrée was even worse. Then, someone hands you a slice of cake. You’ve just eaten shit, so the cake tastes delicious. However, is the cake good because it’s the normal levels of enjoyable that a cake should be, or is it good because you just finished eating shit? That’s my central issue here. I think that Wonder Woman is an okay film that came after three unsatisfactory films in the DCEU, and so now everyone’s turned a blind eye to its problems. This is not to say that Wonder Woman doesn’t have good qualities, because it does, and I will highlight them. But I have to say that I can’t applaud this film because Wonder Woman is one of the most iconic heroes of all time, and I’m pained to have to say that I think they didn’t do her justice. Let me argue the case for you below.

Overall Grade: C

Pros:

-From the moment she was cast, I’ve been dreading seeing Gal Gadot as Diana. Not because she isn’t a good actress—I haven’t seen her in anything, so I can’t judge her talent—but because to me she doesn’t feel like Wonder Woman. I can’t explain it to you. It’s a gut feeling. I look at her and I just see an actress in a costume. It’s not like other heroes where they fit into the role seamlessly. For all his faults, Henry Cavill fits as Clark Kent. Chris Evans fits as Captain America. Scarlett Johansson fits as Black Widow. Christian Bale fit as Batman. To me, Gal doesn’t fit, she was just cast. Now, that being said, she does a better job than I thought she would portraying the lighter, more naive side of Diana. She was able to sell certain parts of the character quite well, especially the righteous outrage and the emotion of failing the people in the village. I still have actors I would have preferred in the role, but she did fine, which is much more than I can say for other people. (*cough* Ben Affleck *cough*)

-Disclaimer: If you feel compelled, you can troll my Tumblr and see that I have been a Chris Pine fan since 2009 and I fully admit that what I’m going to say is quite biased, but I’m going to be honest anyway: I think Steve Trevor was the best part of this movie. Yeah, yeah, throw the rotten fruit at me, but I mean it. I think Chris Pine lent so much charm and heart to the film that while Gal was trying her best, I think the movie wouldn’t have been as good without him. Steve is able to ground the characters around him and bring a vital sense of connection between them all. It’s not that Diana wasn’t enough. It’s that she is a goddess and so it’s difficult for us as mere mortals to bond with her, and so seeing her through Steve’s eyes really breaks it down to a level that we can understand. He is the most sympathetic and possibly the most layered character, since the film oddly enough doesn’t spend quite enough time with Diana’s traits for us to get a feel for who she is. I have him figured out moreso than her, and so I’m more connected to him than to her by the end, but we’ll get a little deeper into what I mean in just a moment.

-There’s plenty of action. They don’t skimp on Diana fucking dudes up, and that’s what we need. Man of Steel had a ton of faults, but they got the action right. It’s nice to be in an age where it’s possible to believably have us see Diana’s strength and invulnerability.

-Finally, finally, fucking finally, someone in the goddamn DCEU got a clue and realized, “Hey, maybe Diana shouldn’t be a homicidal maniac or a depressed alien raised by a cynic! Maybe she should be hopeful!” For once, we don’t have to deal with this depressing bullshit that David Goyer and Zack Snyder think we want. Diana is idealistic. Even though she is brought down to our level later on, she isn’t a dark cloud who stomps around being a hypocrite like Crazy Steve aka BatAffleck (I am not calling that maniac Batman no matter what you say) and Superman in this ‘verse. Thank you. Thank the gods that they adopted her hope and light into the story and didn’t try for a “gritty realistic” angle like they did with BatAffleck and Superbrood.

-The chemistry between Gal Gadot and Chris Pine is one of the better parts of the film as well. They feel much more natural than anything else. It’s not a romantic plot tumor and it doesn’t tear the whole film down at all. They also rely on each other in a way that’s well done. Their partnership makes sense and again, it isn’t forced, which can happen when screenwriters don’t know what they’re doing.

Cons:

-So as a woman, I am in no way unused to seeing characters Stuffed into the Fridge. Sadly, it happens about twice as much to women characters as it does to men, so I always groan when it still happens in modern day fiction. This movie is an example. I am really, really cheesed off that they killed Steve Trevor in the first Wonder Woman movie. That…fucking…sucks. There is so much more character to unpack both for him and Diana, so killing him off in a sacrifice makes me furious. Do you know why? Because you can go back through the comics and the animated series and the animated films and find some really good character development for Diana as she has to come to terms with being borderline immortal and seeing her loved ones die. Do you know why we all cried our fucking eyes out when Peggy Carter died in Civil War? That’s why. Steve had to watch the love of his life die slowly in a hospital bed, having missed most of her lifespan asleep in the ice. That’s powerful. We can connect to that. All of us fans have lost someone in life and we know how it feels to be helpless. They should NOT have killed Steve just to make Diana go Super Saiyan. You just cheated her years and years of character development. She earned that relationship through blood, sweat, and tears, but no, let’s take the easy way out and just stuff him in the fridge so she can angst about it before beating Ares. Kiss my ass.

-The movie takes too many goddamn shortcuts. I’m not talking about the pacing. I’m talking about important character beats that we should have seen, but for some reason, didn’t. I hate it when films do this. Let me give you some examples. First, they skip from Diana as a preteen to Diana as an adult. No. Stop doing this, movies! Fucking stop it! One of the easiest times to emotionally connect with your characters is through adolescence. This is how we find out hopes, desires, and personality traits. Don’t skip it. I can only give you a handful of Diana’s traits because they did a time skip back then and it’s not fair to her to rush through what should be an important section in setting up who she is, why she is, and what’s important to her. Second, they miss out on a fantastic opportunity for Steve and Diana to bond on the boat. Sure, it was funny, but both of them should have like 39043506945657056 questions for each other, but all they do is quip about sex. That is an utter disappointment to me. Yes, Steve and Diana bond later, but it’s too brief. Characters’ introductions are vital to emotional connection and to getting us to root for them on a real level, not just a superficial one. This should have been a longer scene with more details about the two of them and where they came from. Third, and most infuriating for me personally, they skipped the goddamn sex scene. What. Is. Wrong. With. You. This is the second most annoying thing about the movie to me. We’ve just seen Steve and Diana travel together and fight together and then bond a little over a dance. Why in perfect blue fucking hell would you skip over the sex scene? It’s baffling. There is no reason why you skipped it, and I’ll tell you why. On a superficial level, it would actually be a Call Back to Diana’s quip about men being necessary for procreation but not pleasure. Well, why don’t we have Steve change her mind? I’m sure that would have been delightful, and you wouldn’t need to be graphic about it. Cut to the aftermath, where Diana’s trying to catch her breath and Steve’s leaning over her, grinning his ass off, saying, “What was that about men not being necessary for pleasure?” That’s funny and charming and it’s pay off for a previous scene. Not to mention it’s implied that Diana is a virgin, so it adds to the weight of her trusting Steve enough to be intimate with him. Additionally, considering how Steve gets Fridged at the end, this would make it hurt us even more when he dies if we saw him and Diana making passionate love to each other and shedding the walls they’ve built up as soldiers and warriors. Again, you don’t have to be graphic. With a PG-13 rating, you can have a love scene without full nudity. Last, fanservice! For God’s sake! You have two insanely gorgeous people at your fingertips and you just fucking skip it?! (No pun intended.) What the hell is the matter with you? Sure, I got Wondy running around in a metal miniskirt and Chris Pine’s gorgeous body except for his little Trevor exposed, but for Zeus’ sake, throw me a fucking bone here! Literally! Look, I say all that to say this: the movie skims through moments that are incredibly important and that transform a film from being okay to great. Great films hit those beats. Great films make sure we love the characters and understand who they are, what they want, and how they are impactful to each other by the end. Wonder Woman just checks one or two boxes and keeps on trucking. If Wonder Woman was a D-list superhero, then I wouldn’t bitch about it as much, but this is fucking Wonder Woman. She is the cream of the crop. She is the most recognizable female superhero in existence. You owe it to her to give your best writing, and you just gave her the bare minimum. No, sir. That is not okay with me.

-Coinciding with the shortcuts in character are shortcuts in logic and story. I almost peeled my face off several times because there are a lot of plotholes that the movie just breezes past like it’s nothing. It’s weird that DC has contracted the Marvel disease of under-developing the villains. By far the most egregious story gaps are who the fuck Danny Huston’s character is and how did he get that way and WHY did he get that way? Fuck, man, it drives me crazy when superhero films are so concerned with having a twist at the end that they just completely gloss over any basic knowledge. We need proper set ups and explanations so that we know the stakes and know the limitations of our characters. We are told nothing about Danny Huston’s character and so we don’t get if he was even capable of beating Diana at all. Plus, any seasoned moviegoer knows that he’s not Ares, just a Red Herring, but the movie could have at least tried to sell it to us. I was just checking my watch by the time Diana confronted him because we know old chubby Danny Huston is not going to have a final showdown with the fit and trim Gal Gadot. Furthermore, the plotholes extend over the period of time that I mentioned above, which is Diana growing up. Um. So we see her bracelets repel a blow from a sword. And we never see Diana experiment with this, or ask questions, or do anything at all to investigate. Therefore…how does she know she can do all the amazing shit she does later? Not deflecting bullets. I’m talking about being invulnerable and jumping super high and then the serious Deus Ex Machina with her conducting the lightning through her bracelets. How the fuck did she know she could do that? One scene after she deflects the sword and there was a huge shockwave would have been an excellent place for her to try out her new powers. Why doesn’t Diana ask a single question about what happened? Why does Hippolyta think not preparing Diana for war, like every single other fucking person on the island, is going to do her any good? We see that Ares didn’t come looking for her, so what’s the problem? It’s not like her powers gave off some kind of beacon. Oh, and speaking of plotholes, Zeus, why the hell did you just make the island invisible? Why isn’t it some kind of forcefield to keep mankind out? They literally just sailed into it, bro. You suck. You’re really bad at protecting people. The least the movie could do is have the island be surrounded by a hurricane or a magic storm like the Bermuda Triangle or some shit instead of just being invisible. I just have too many plot related questions that movie glosses over, like Diana walking barebacked into a goddamn house full of rich people with an obvious sword in her dress and no one says a fucking thing to her. And that’s the tip of the iceberg. I can think of 3404354 more questions the movie just didn’t address. This is what makes a movie not stick with me. You can’t just gloss over things like that because as much as I try to enjoy the movie, there’s a little frustrated voice in my head asking all these questions and distracting me.

-Nitpick: The side characters are forgettable and I wouldn’t notice if you took them out completely.

-Nitpick: Etta Candy deserved more screentime and could’ve been a good supporting character to help characterize what we didn’t know about Steve.

-Nitpick: All…the goddamn…fucking…slow motion. This movie has Zack Snyder’s grubby fingerprints all over it. Slow-mo should be used sparingly, but it’s in every last fight scene and I want to pull my hair out since it’s so cliché. It’s not a dealbreaker, but it irked me a lot. There was so much slow-mo that it felt like a parody.

In the end, I know it doesn’t matter to other people what I think. I know we’re in an age where people think less and less and accept what’s in front of them. “It’s just a movie. Stop being so critical.” Well, I’m sorry. I won’t do that. I love Diana. I have loved her since I was a kid and I have always looked up to her strength and passion and kindness. This movie is just okay. It does what it needs to do. I know it’ll make money. I know people will tie a blindfold on and ignore the flaws because they just need so badly for it to be flawless. That’s fine. I just think Wonder Woman deserves to have a phenomenal film because she is a phenomenal woman. She inspires me. So don’t think that I’m tearing her down when I say that the movie is mediocre. I just think this interpretation of her has been weighed and measured and has been found wanting.

Kyo out.

#Wonder Woman #Wonder Woman (2017)#movie review #film review #YMMV #spoilers #spoiler alert #unpopular opinion

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nookishposts · 7 years ago

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Boundaries

*** Special note; this is not a cheerful post and contains potential triggers for those vulnerable to issues of childhood trauma. This is a true story.

When I was 10 years old, I met a man who was kind and caring, funny, affectionate, and had been matched through the Big Brother’s Association with the 12 year old brother of a friend of mine. His job was working with persons with physical and mental challenges and he seemed to genuinely thrive on helping others. I was often a part of family events where he was present, and the Little Brother he had been matched with, hung on this man’s every word. It was lovely.

Fast forward almost 20 years, and I run into this gentleman at the recreation facility I was working at; he was waiting for a meeting with my executive director for some kind of mutually beneficial programming. We had a hug and a nice catch-up and he was still in touch with his Little Brother (now in his 30s, but still struggling with emotional issues) as well as the rest of the family. Over the next few years, we periodically met for coffee, he came to my home for social events, and after quite a few years, he came out to me. I escorted him to his very first Gay Pride event and he nearly wept with the impact of an environment he’d always felt he needed to hide from. I was proud of him for his bravery, as I knew it had been a long journey for him to stand that day among his peers. He asked me if I would be interested in accompanying him on a visit to his Little Brother, a day trip, about 90 minutes each way. I said sure.

Little Brother was at this point a young grandfather, living on a disability pension and with a woman who seemed to care for him, their dog, and some kind neighbours. Their home was tidy and humble and they insisted we share a meal. Little Brother, agoraphobic among other things, agreed to go for a walk on the beach since I was there and he felt safe with Big Brother around. Big Brother even trimmed little Brother’s hair for him while we visited, apparently something that happens every few weeks. It was a very sweet reunion and we talked of fun stuff we got up to as kids, going through old school photos and some of his sister and her family, his Mum, Big Brother, often in the family gatherings.

On the way home, Big and I got to talking and he confessed to a gambling addiction and volunteering for the provincial self-disclosure status at Ontario Casinos. His photo is in a book with other self-professed gambling addicts so they can be stopped at the door and refused entry should they lapse in their recovery. I confessed that I had struggled with addictions myself when I was younger but thanks to the help of a wonderful therapist, off and on for about 20 years, I had come to understand my triggers and put many of them to rest. I shared with him that a family member had been a pedophile and that for 11 years I was his favorite target, kept quiet only because of his threats to harm others close to me if I dared disclose. At 15 I was finally big enough to stop him, fully prepared to die by his hand, but knowing I just could not endure any more. The fact that I didn’t die, that he walked away defeated after the struggle, and the balance of power shifted so dramatically, made me hate myself for not having fought back earlier. (It took a while to understand why I didn’t) I went on to explain that it took years of lying to cover up the damages and finally being unrelentingly suicidal that got me to disclose, and eventually to the right person for help. That I finally understood I was not to blame. (Statistics and research are very clear that when children cannot find a reason for a loved one abusing them physically, sexually, or emotionally, they assume they are bad/evil/need punishment, solely for the sake of having a reason. I concur. I was absolutely sure I was the sick and evil one.) I talked about the permanent damage, the occasional swamp of flashbacks that come without warning even now, and that I thought anyone who abused children or animals willfully should have a special place reserved for them in Hell, where they spend the rest of their consciousness feeling exactly what their victims felt at their mercy. Big Brother nearly drove off the road, and I felt bad for having upset him. I apologized for being a little too honest, and we changed the subject.

Forward another 10 years and I am living in Winnipeg. In a phone conversation with my Mum, she gently tells me that Big Brother (who she also came to know pretty well) is in jail for sexual assault of a minor. His sister`s grown boy. His own nephew. A man now in his 30s who also sought help and finally had the courage to charge his Uncle with the ruination of his childhood; his repeated molestation at the hands of Big Brother. Big decided to confess rather than go through a public trial, and he admitted everything. Of course I was rattled. I told myself at the time that I was very glad the nephew got help, spoke up, and that Big actually owned it. I was also glad he was doing jail time for it.

Now we are up to date and I know Big has been out of jail for at least a year. I attended a public outdoor concert very recently with my Mum, and who should be sitting on the apron of stage right, facing and watching the crowd, especially all the little children, shirtless or in bathing suits due to the heat, but Big Brother. With a sly smile on his face. My Mum noticed him too, and asked me if I needed to move. I thought about it for just a second before saying No. When Big,scanning the crowd, looked our way, he saw me and his expression changed.I decided that if he was bold enough to approach, I would simply and quietly say`: `Don`t`, and turn away. I would not run. I would not hit him tempting as that might be.Unless he refused to leave, at which point I would either call police or raise holy hell, or maybe both. I was glad I had on sunglasses and he would not be able to see my eyes if he got close enough. I took a few deep breaths and tried really hard to concentrate on the music, the soft summer evening, the sweet interaction of all-agers assembled for the event. What I really wanted to do was run out and scoop up every one of those wee ones and hand them back to their parents and tell them why. The 4-15 year old still alive inside of me wanted to vomit and then go hide. The 56 year old wanted to beat the living shit of out of Big and expose him to the world. How dare he be there, watching, thinking god-knows-what as he watched those children play.

Big stayed put for the entire concert. He left immediately afterward, but I didn’t see him go. As far as I know, he was alone.

When Big Brother’s predatory story broke, the Association that matched him with Little Brother stated they had never had any whiff of wrong-doing when Big was a member. Big’s employer said much the same. But years earlier, when Big discovered I was working in social services, there were 2 men he asked if I had ever come across professionally as colleagues. And I knew them both. When I mentioned Big’s name to each of them, they nodded and changed the subject so quickly I was left wondering.Their reactions made sense when Big’s story came out. They would have been the same age as his nephew. I highly suspect that both of those professional men, like me, got some good help in dealing with whatever Big brought to their lives, and it may in fact have contributed to their choice of career. Stats are also clear that abused children often choose a helping profession: either to atone for what they perceive as their own flaw/crime, or to try to intervene and advocate on behalf of other victims. I did. The stats also show that when someone abuses a child, the likelihood that they have more than 1 or 2 victims is very high. My abuser had several that we know about because a couple of them confronted him on his deathbed. I fully expect there are more who could not.

Abusers are very shrewd, very adept. They charm, they groom, they commit and then, having discerned their victim’s most vulnerable traits, they threaten. They are cunning. They make a conscious choice, a choice between right and wrong, and they do it over and over and over. They target and they plan. It’s seldom spontaneous.There is a theory that some abusers want to get caught, they offend so they can get help. I can’t handle that one. Like gambling addicts, there is a program whereby those who feel they might offend can self-declare and receive a chemical castration and enforced counselling. There is also evidence that the majority of abusers were themselves abused as children. But nobody that I know that has been abused has ever had the urge to offend in the same way, so I wonder about the legitimacy of that angle. I have been part of or connected as a resource to many many people who were abused as children and they have confessed some dark things, but never the urge to abuse another child.

My view is of course highly prejudiced by my own experience. I am one of the very lucky ones who after a few false starts found the right therapist and was able to do the work, piece by piece, over many years. I still have the occasional nightmare. I still have a couple of resources I can draw upon if I really need to. There is a certain cologne, and also a certain series of scents that will put me on high alert until I can talk myself down. No matter how much good help you get, it never leaves. It’s a part of your forever. You learn to accept it with as much healthy perspective as you can muster, but sometimes, even that isn’t enough. The MeToo Movement has been a very long time coming and will take a long time to get us where we need to go.

As for Big Brother...I have a LOT of questions. Is he allowed to be in such a public forum where children and young adults will be? Was his jail sentence the sum total of his debt to society and to his nephew? What could the police actually do, if anything at all, if I did call and explain who he was and the circumstances? I also wonder about Little Brother and how much of Big’s influence contributes to the deepened challenges he has faced all of his life. Only Big’s victims will ever know the extent of they price they paid. But as far as I’m concerned Big himself has not paid nearly enough for his crime..for stealing innocence, for stealing trust, for causing sickening sleepless nights and the angst of anticipation that he might show up again, or worse, make good on his threats leaving his victims blaming themselves for his behaviours, just as he wants them to. Theirs is a lifetime sentence. Trust me on that one. I am fortunate that I live a very good life in spite of how it could easily have been. I made a choice too, but only from a desperation so deep it could have cost me everything. There are so many of us.

There are good people in this world. Enough to make a real difference. We cannot afford not to ask the hard questions. Nor to keep the secrets. If there is someone in your life,...there is help, and others who will walk beside you every step of the way to it.

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