#notes obviously not indicative of final scene content

[seagull-energy]

I'm getting very close to finishing the next chapter of Thawed Hearts (at last!) so I thought I'd share my planning notes as a little teaser because to me they are comedy gold XD

under a cut in case anyone wants to go into the chapter blind :)

[woods time]

Steve: I like the woods because they’re familiar

Rogue: omg you don’t feel like you fit in??

Steve: I literally time traveled. My whole life is completely different. Of course I don’t fit in

Wheeeeee trauma relatability bc blah blah blah being used as a weapon

Then they go home with a better understanding of each other :D

[strawberrystepmom]

pairing: vampire!natsuo todoroki x f!reader

word count: 3.5k

about: natsuo is handsome, well dressed, charming, and everything you’ve ever wanted but something tells you there’s more to him than meets the eye - given you can only see him after the sun sets.

contents: sfw, no smut here but suggestive behavior in the final scene. modern au, the todoroki family are vampires, natsuo is mid twenties and so is reader, a scene containing touya, fuyumi, and shoto, meet cute, reader struggles to sleep at night, mentions of blood. i will be further elaborating on this dynamic/au in the future!

notes: part of thot-o-ween 2023! welcome to week three! this is just good ol fashioned halloween romcom nonsense you'd come to expect from me. natsuo was the pinkprint and deserves his time in the sun so this is the first of TWO stories about him. the next will have smut, pinkie swear, but in the meantime hopefully this is something everyone can enjoy! thank you for reading ♡

Natsuo Todoroki, at his core, is a morning person.

How is one a vampire and a morning person? The two ideas seem contradictory but it’s just who he is, unable to be changed no matter how much time passes.

As a child, he would solemnly park himself at window sills and wrap himself up in the complicated and lacy curtains his mother dressed them in to keep light from getting inside. Waking with the sweet song of the birds outside his own heavy curtained windows, he’d watch the orange ball rise higher and higher into the sea of blue that it would come to rest in, only to be pulled away by his older siblings or his mother tutting at him for messing with the curtains again.  

He wondered what it would be like to be the sun. Bright and blazing, warming everyone around him without effort. It’s just what the sun naturally does.

Now, as an adult, he shoves his hands in the pockets of his scrubs after his shift in the emergency department ends and wonders what it must be like to be the sun as he wanders out onto the streets, zipping his jacket up over his chest and sinking into the warmth. It’s cold and wet in a way that is typical of an October night, the sliver of the moon sinking lower and lower as the sun begins to make her ascent to start the day.

He works his overnight shift for obvious reasons.

Dr. Todoroki’s reputation as affable and easy to work with is something the entire shift celebrates when he’s scheduled. He is well liked but nobody bothers to ask him to stick around once the shift is over because he’ll turn down the offers anyway.

There’s nothing more that he enjoys than his walks before dawn. It’s the only time he can even get this close to daylight, to feel the world heat up while he remains cold. 

Tonight, though, he isn’t alone on his walk and he’s all too acutely aware of where you walk several feet away from him on the adjacent sidewalk. He smells you long before he sees you, one of his fangs that keeps retracted at all times jutting out of his jaw and slicing his lip, and after verifying he isn’t bleeding he decides to keep a respectable distance despite his concern for your well being.

Why in the world are you out walking the city sidewalks by yourself at 3:58 AM?

You notice him, tall and broad and wearing green scrubs that obviously indicate he just got done working at the hospital, but you keep your distance. Walking the city is a choice you make well aware of the danger that could befall you but you also live by the “don’t start any and there won’t be any” mantra when it comes to trouble. So far it has served you well but it isn’t like you’ve ventured far from where you live, only around 6 blocks away from your tiny interior apartment. 

You struggle to sleep at night, trying every remedy under the sun but it never comes, so you walk until you can’t think any longer. You pace until you stumble into your home after the sun rises, almost too exhausted to move and then finally you are tired enough to sleep. 

Looking around the sidewalk, you splash in a puddle and hear a chuckle from the sidewalk across from you. Natsuo stands, hands still buried in his pocket, glancing at you from the corner of his eye and curiosity gets the better of you so you turn in his direction with your arms folded across your chest.

“What’s so funny?” Your tone is light hearted and he catches onto it immediately, gray eyes casting you more than a sidelong glance. The distance between the two of you keeps him from getting too good of a look at you but he likes what he can see. 

Natsuo finds you undeniably attractive, there’s something sweet about you besides your scent, and it makes him even more anxious to know you’re pacing all alone. The area around the hospital tends to be pretty safe but he worries what would happen if you went further down the road, where the amount of street lights grows fewer the further you go into the residential areas. So he bites, simply in an effort to make sure that you’re alright and will be okay after he departs.

“You, I guess.”

You laugh and he feels a thousand sunrises in his chest. Whatever he witnessed through curtains, whatever he has seen rising above the horizon like a beautiful balloon in the sky will never compare to this. He isn’t sure how to act so he slaps his hands against his thighs, shrugging and offering his signature Dr. Todoroki grin, toothsome and bright.

“I’ll be here all week.”

There’s an undeniable pull between you and this man but you stop just short of walking across the street. He seems safe and trustworthy, a good haircut and a killer smile but all of those traits were also attributed to Ted Bundy at one point or another so you decide to play it safe and stay in your place across from him, arms folded over your chest to ward off the chill in the air.

He watches your body language change and tries to match it the best that he can, keeping his hands buried in his pockets and his chin tucked into the collar of his jacket. Making you anxious is the last thing he wants and he won’t prod if you aren’t interested but his gut tells him to take a chance, to break the silence and see where it gets him. 

So he does.

“Seriously though, why are you out here at this time of night?”

Shrugging, you squeeze yourself where your arms are wrapped over your torso. It’s a soothing action, the equivalent of a hug. You feel better after it.

“Do you want the long story or the short one?”

“Whichever you’re most comfortable sharing.”

He chuckles again and you focus on his face, deep dimples visible even from several feet away and your heart beats hard against your chest. He’s handsome, he’s funny, he’s obviously employed…you shake your head to loosen this line of thinking, still holding yourself tightly when he takes the steps toward you to close the gap. You hop back from the edge of the sidewalk slightly, keeping a bit of distance between the two of you, and Natsuo feels that ache in his upper jaw that indicates his teeth are going to descend.

He takes ten steps to the side of you, leaving ample room between your bodies, and the ache stops enough that he can focus on what you’re about to say. You appreciate how respectful he is of your space although you have no idea his reasons aren’t wholly altruistic and it softens you toward the man further.

“I have never really slept well at night,” you start and he hums empathetically. He understands more than you could begin to know. “Even when I was a kid, it’s like sleep terrified me. Closing my eyes and not thinking and just being for a while. What could be more terrifying than not overthinking all night?”

“I get it. I have the same problem, that’s why I’m on overnights.”

You nod, smiling at him.

"Good to know there's someone else that doesn't have good luck with melatonin gummies."

A kindred spirit. Perhaps that's why you still feel so drawn to him despite the ten big steps between your bodies and you relax for the first time since he laughed at you, taking the time to really look at him now that he's so close.

He's just as handsome as you imagined when your mind was filling in blanks from across the street, hair as white as snow, tanned complexion, gray eyes. It's intimidating to see a man who looks like he belongs in the pages of a magazine face to face, much less one who is obviously flirting with you and you shift your weight from foot to foot.

Noticing your discomfort, he decides to introduce himself.

"I'm Natsuo. I'm a doctor." He cringes at himself upon realizing what he just said but you smile, arms still folded but posture slackening. "I don't know why I felt the need to tell you that."

You introduce yourself and he takes the time to memorize your name, repeating it and savoring the feeling of it across his tongue. A name as pretty as the person carrying it.

"It's okay, at least I know that you aren't some creep that stole a pair of scrubs off of the dude you just beat down for them. Unless..."

Natsuo laughs and heat rushes to your cheeks.

"Nah, I'm more of a lover than a fighter. My fatal flaw some might say."

You laugh and that same feeling blooms within him, rivaling the sun that is steadily beginning to rise over the buildings in the distance. He sighs when he sees it, removing his hand from his pocket and rubbing it over his face.

"I don't want to be weird or anything but I do this every night and..." he trails off, uncertain of what he wants to ask you, but you seem to get the message.

"I do, too. Same place and same time?"

Smiling, he nods and begins to walk in the direction opposite you toward where his car is parked at the hospital. He has to get home before the sun rises and he'll be cutting it close if he continues to slow play his departure but it's worth it for another second spent around you.

"Thanks for tonight. I needed it," you admit aloud and his ears turn red in response, bright and vivid through the snowy white hair barely covering them.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

“Where do you think you’re off to lookin’ so pretty?”

Natsuo rolls his eyes as he readjusts the buttons of the long sleeved shirt he donned just for the occasion of the evening while his brother reaches up and attempts to ruffle his meticulously spiked hair. It isn’t hard work for him to dodge his shorter brother but he shoves him with his shoulder anyway, frowning. 

“Stop it, Touya. I’m not going anywhere you need to know about.”

The thing about saying those words in reference to you, feeling them leave his lips in shapes he would rather not experience, is that they make his stomach flip. Anxiety turns the organ inside out, the man sighing through an army of uneasy butterflies in his stomach. He knows he can’t tell anyone about you, least of all his family. They have their own secrets but they’ve always strictly forbidden the taboo romance between a vampire and a human knowing it only ends in pain.

He’ll risk the trouble for you, though.

You - sweet, easy going, beautiful. Glowing with life beneath the dimly lit booths you snuggle in to press your knees against his long after the sun has set. Grinning as you grab his hand beneath the surface of the bar four blocks away from your apartment and two away from the hospital, the floors sticky with substances neither of you have cared to imagine. 

It has been months since that fateful first dawn walk, the two of you making a habit out of striding side by side. Natsuo ignores the ache in his jaw, you ignore the way he hasn't asked you for anything physical yet beyond holding hands, assuming he's just a little old fashioned.

“I’m starting to think you have a secret, little brother.”

He's keeping secrets from more than just Touya; the guilt gnaws at him if he thinks about it too long so he doesn't.

Natsuo shakes his head and raises his brows, a smirk playing across his lips. He happens to know where his own brother goes after the sun sets, eagerly bringing books and paintings to the home of the vampire that has been alleged to have started their family curse by biting Enji, their father; a woman perpetually 26 despite the many many centuries that have passed since her turn. 

“No worse than the one you’re keeping, I can assure you that.”

With that, Touya clears his throat and takes his space, fiddling with the strings of his sweatpants rather than making eye contact with his brother. Caught red handed and he knows it, he chooses to play offense rather than explain himself.

“You know about that?”

His younger brother smiles and claps him on the back with a nod.

“Keep mine and I’ll keep yours?”

“Obviously, dumbass.”

Taking a deep breath, Natsuo rolls his shoulders and lifts his hands to his hair, fingers running through it to calm him down. He yanks at the strands for a moment, thick fingers twining between the white strands, and Touya wonders what has him so uncertain. 

It’s not like he’s dating a human.

“I’m seeing someone and we have a date tonight.”

Oh, he’s dating a human.

“Jesus, Natsu,” Touya’s brows pinch together in the middle and he wraps an arm around his brothers’ shoulder, pulling him to his side. “You’re such a simp.”

Scoffing, the taller of the two looks down at his brother and frowns. He’s never truly astounded by Touya’s audacity but it does catch him off guard considering the only bigger rule you can break than consorting with a human in the Todoroki household is the one he’s currently attempting to bend.

“Who taught you that word? Your thousand year old girlfriend?” Touya returns his scoff, shoving him with the arm that isn’t wrapped around his shoulder and raising his voice. “She isn’t a thousand fuckin-”

Before he can finish the sentence, Fuyumi peaks around the corner and arches her brow wordlessly. Neither of the men can hide anything from their older sister so they don't bother, scooting over to let her into Natsuo's walk in closet just like they used to do as children when they were discussing the events of the world.

"So you're both breaking the big two?"

Natsuo sighs and nods sadly but Touya chuckles, clapping his sister on the shoulder just as he did his brother. That's one thing the siblings have always appreciated about one another - everyone is equal. Equal to give shit to, equal to protect, even Shouto who they all go to pains to take care of even more than the older siblings do one another.

"Please don't tell dad," Natsuo isn't above begging if it means he gets to keep you. He looks up at his sister through his lashes and she smiles back at him. "Of course, Natsu. We're all breaking some rule at the end of the day."

Both of her brothers raise their eyebrows and she shrugs, zipping her lips dramatically while the youngest of the four peeks around the corner with a deadpan glance.

"What are you guys doing in here?"

They look at his mismatched eyes and bunch together, making enough room for the fourth of them to squeeze inside.

"Natsuo's dating a human."

Fuyumi and Natsuo open their mouth to gasp and Shouto shakes his head. How his elder siblings haven't noticed at this point is beyond him, given Natsuo narrowly stumbles in the door as the sun rises every single morning, but the youngest has always been the most astute of the bunch.

"Yeah, obviously. He reeks of her every time he comes home."

Despite the terror of being caught, Natsuo belly laughs. There's nobody else he could be shoved in a closet with, admitting to lying to their parents and breaking the codes of honor the entire family have taken seriously as long as they've existed.

They all have secrets, Fuyumi was right. He is relieved and he feels full of love, group hugging his siblings and squeezing them as tightly as he can until all three start to groan and slap at his biceps.

"Okay well now that the cat is out of the bag can you guys leave me alone? I'm already running late."

Fuyumi and Shouto are the easy sells, wishing him luck and leaving to go gossip across the house but Touya sticks around, looking at his little brother that has become a full grown man with his own life and career and apparently, love.

He's proud but he'll never say it out loud instead choosing to further antagonize.

"Does she know?"

Natsuo shakes his head and Touya hisses through his teeth, clapping his brother on the shoulder and walking out of the closet.

"Good luck with that."

He knows that he'll need it.

"Do you want to come inside?"

This is the first time you've offered the option to Natsuo, his discomfort with any physical affection keeping you from broaching the subject this far, but the time feels right. The two of you spent the evening at an outdoor art show, admiring pottery and painting with your hands joined.

You are undeniably attracted to this man and you hope that you aren't misreading his affection toward you as more than simple friendliness, your evenings spent with him some of the best you've had since you can remember. Your hands remain linked, fingers twined and dangling in the small space between your bodies where you both lean against the frame of your front door.

Natsuo smiles down at you and it feels like the world disappears, walls and floors and atmosphere melting into something that doesn't matter when he looks at you. You've known it for awhile but there's no denying it - you're in love with him and asking him to spend the night, or morning rather, feels like the most logical next step.

His hesitation makes you doubt yourself, though.

"You don't have to, Natsuo. I know you're busy an-" he cuts you off by grasping your cheek with his free hand, thumb running along the soft skin beneath it. He has never been this close to you before, his teeth aching despite his self restraint, and he knows that tonight he must decide to be honest or leave you behind.

The thought of leaving you behind breaks his heart. You are the sun that he has so badly craved his entire life and there's no way he can continue without you, even if it means telling the truth and putting you both in the way of trouble in the process.

"I want to."

Smiling, you reach for the door and unlock it, keying in the code that you know he watches. You hope he has it memorized, if not you'll remind him again later. The lock unlatches, a mechanical whirring in the door, and as soon as the door opens he has you pulled against his body.

Pressed against the door, he finally kisses you. It's hungry, something raw and fiery beneath his exterior coming to the surface and you know that you'd let him have every bit of you right here on the floor if he wanted it. The scent of his cologne and the feel of his hands across your sweater clad body make you moan into his mouth and you yelp when something pokes your lip, assuming he nipped you a little harder than intended.

Mortified, Natsuo backs away from you with wide eyes and you see his tooth poking out of his top lip. The tip of it is dotted with blood from your lip and he backs away from you unable to hide his horror.

"I'm so sorry, I..." he mumbles a string of apologies and you put your hands on his chest to stop him, close enough to him that his body reacts naturally and his second fang descends through his jaw and peeks out of his top lip to join the first.

Your wide eyes gaze at him but hold no fear and he marvels at you. You are so trusting, so brave, so kind despite now knowing he's a...

"Vampire."

It takes all of you to contain the smile on your face from becoming too big when the word leaves your lips. You had an inkling something was different about him but you never assumed it would be this.

Dr. Natsuo Todoroki, your walking buddy, your companion, is a vampire.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

Using the grip you have on his chest, you pull him down until he's face level with you. The same smile dances across your face and you waste no time kissing him for real this time, paying no mind to the way he whimpers when his tongue laves over the small puncture wounds his teeth have left on your bottom lip. You let him lick over the spots until he gets his fill, head swimming and heart full.

"Yeah, me too, because I would have done all of this months ago."

Natsuo laughs, kissing you again. His brows knit together when he laps at another pinprick of blood on your lips, another sweet groan leaving him.

You taste as good as you smell and his instincts tell him that you've just given him a tiny taste of all you're willing to offer.

[adelha-mathilde]

Emergence (Trigun WIP drabble) part 1/??

summary: Vash finds someone emerge from a Plant Tank to look completely different from when they first fell in. A once sleeping Earthling now covered in Plant markings and a few angel feathers.

characters/verse: Vash the Stampede, Luida, Brad, OC / Trigun Stampede

content warning: injuries, blood, mention of serious injury, and other stuff related to healing and medical anatomy stuff.

I literally had this random scene start playing in my head! There is zero planning on my part as to the how and why and when and where it is just full on "this happened" and I gonna write it! And so I'm going to write it out here with no context or formatting HERE WE GO!

The alarms of the still functioning spaceship were going off in full effect as dozens of people started running about. Voices shouting over the din as Vash opened the door to the Plant containment facility. All eyes looking up above as several sections of the ship had caved in after a hull breach. His gaze noting with growing horror that many of the sleep capsules had come dislodged from the upper floors. Most of them were empty of occupants. But one was spewing out smoke as the glass over the front shattered. With the sleeping occupant falling forwards as Vash gave a shout of pure helplessness.

The woman in the capsule crashed into the unforgiving shards of glass for blood to weep from her frame. Vash sprinting over the stairs without thought as he vaulted them with all his speed. The woman was obviously awake. Since she was doing her best to keep herself still as the capsule shuddered and rattled. Several others behind Vash calling out in fear as much as sadness. Vash all but jumped up and onto several of the empty capsules to try and spider crawl himself over to the woman. Who finally opened her eyes to see him. A huff of air escaping her as Vash got next to her on the capsule right next to hers. "Hold still and don't try to move! Help is on the way!"

The woman gave Vash a half smile to note with warm humor, "Wasn't planning on moving anytime soon. This capsule on the other hand might be a different matter entirely. Do you have wings I can't see? Heck of a climb otherwise." Vash paused to then smile at the given indication. His hand reaching over to gently touch at her neck. "Try to stay calm. I'm not leaving you behind. No matter what. I'm going to get you out of this." The woman gave him a kind smile to chuckle at his promise. A sigh soon followed by warm words. "Lord willing. Kind of out of our hands, little bird. But I only expect you to do your best. So we'll say that is what your plan is, okay?" Vash blinked back tears to realize that he was crying. That this woman was comforting him instead of the other way around. While from up above more sounds of screeching metal and popping electrical wires made the danger more apparent. While the Plants in the shared tank below began to stir from the commotion. Petals unfurling for them to lift their heads up to gaze at the two of them. Vash felt his marks heat up as they glowed. Something profound and unspoken passing through the air as the capsules shifted due to the unrelenting demands of gravity. So Vash got a crazy idea.

The Independent Plant moved to carefully pick up the woman from being half out of the capsule to clutch her close to his frame. Cutting himself in the process for their blood to end up mixing together. yet all he did was zero his gaze to those eyes the same shade as his own. His words hard and hurting. "This is probably not going to work. But it's the only idea I have. We're going to fall so my- so the Plants can catch us. They won't hurt us. You ready for this?" The woman gave a shiver to then wrap her arms around Vash. Her words more pained but determined than before. "Already said my prayers for us both. Let's do something crazy, little bird." So Vash grit his teeth to vault the two of them off the capsule and directly down towards the waiting arms of the Plants. The impact with the water like fluid rattling his frame as waves cascaded out and over the rim of the shared tank. Both of them soon gently pulled into the waiting embrace of the Plants as their angel features became more prominent. That unique and cosmic touch giving Vash the feelings of his fellow Plants. Concern. Fear. Hope. Acceptance. Understanding. Sadness. Pain. Love. Faith. Vash soon came to notice there was one color of emotion amidst the others that was not one of them. His eyes opening to stare at the Earthling he still held. Her blood drifted slowly around them as she kept her hands to his shoulders. Some of those emotions in the vastness of feeling being hers. With such revelation came a name for Vash to etch into his very being. Retha Gwendolen Heise.

**********

Vash woke up in a comfy room on the ship for Luida and Brad to tell him what happened next. That the Plants had surrounded the two of them to also use some new kind of energy. Said energy basically reaching up to the capsules that had started falling to melt them into harmless globs of metal that floated on top of the Plant container fluid. But all of the Plants had gathered into one giant flower to then turn most of the lights on the ship off. The ship going into a reserved mode of operation for about 48 hours. But the crew had been able to surmise that both Vash and the woman he tried to save were still alive. With Vash being let go of the flower to float back up to the top of the tank for the crew to fish back out. Vash looked deeply worried to try and get out of bed. But Brad just shoved him back down to tell Vash that the woman was still in with the Plants and that they had no way to get to her. Since the Plants had not moved from that giant combined flower and showed no signs of doing so anytime soon. Luida gave Vash some encouragement in that she believed the Plants were doing what they could to heal the woman before letting her go. Which Vash may find out more after a good hot meal.

Vash took little time in eating to all but sprint out of his room and to the Plant container in his haste. But as the crew had said, the giant flower was still there as before. No changes to report as the ship came back online in full. Vash ended up running up the stairs to just jump back into the tank before anyone could stop him. Which had several crew members yell for someone to get Luida as Vash swam to the flower. His hands touching at the petals to try and force them open. Which resulted in the Independent getting a jolt of surprise that knocked him for a loop as one Plant moved to open her petals and reach her hand to him. Gently wrapping her fingers around his wrist for Vash to close his eyes. The marks on his frame blazing out as his mind got tugged away. His feet soon noticing he was standing on cool sand and some grass. His eyes opening to take in the sight of a beach at sunset. The sun just beginning to dip below the waves as the waves washed against the shore. Scents of water and greenery filling his nose as Vash gave a squack of shock. But soon he felt hands upon his shoulders. Soft voices echoing against his senses. "Do not fret, little bird. The human is alive. They share with us her memories and feelings from the past. Things we now share with the others to take goodness from. We will heal the human in time. A choice was made to make the human whole once more. Even though it will change them to something more than human. Be patient, little bird. Have faith."

**********

Vash heard the alarm go off to vault up on the bed. Which had Brad cuss in surprise and drop all his tools. The mechanic shoving the gunman back down to exclaim with ire, "Stop! You can't go running off until I finish the last attachment! Ten seconds and then go flying off!" Vash nodded to hold himself in place as Brad finished the repairs on his prosthetic arm. Then Vash was out the door and sprinting down the halls towards where the announcements were coming from. Several of the crew already gathering as Luida's voice rang over the communication speakers. "The Plants are opening the flower! The collective seem to be moving back into their original singular spots! Vash! Three of them seem to be still holding onto Retha! You have to see this!"

Vash all but tumbled through the doors to the Plant facility to then skid to a halt. His gaze going wide as he saw the Plants moving back to their individual flower state to dot the tank like stars. All save for four of them. Or three of them with one human they were descending with to the floor of the tank. They let go to curl back into their flower form. Which left one form to slowly walk towards the crew as they milled about in front of the tank. Vash scrambled forwards to all but careen into the surface of the tank. His gaze transfixed on the once Earthling named Retha Gwendolen Heise. Her hair was no longer rich dark brown, it had gone sheer white instead. It had also grown to such a long length it brushed at her toes. She was so much thinner than before. Almost emaciated for Vash to count her ribs along her now pale white frame. Marks glowing all down her skin for her to also have no signs of scars or injuries. A physical body that showed no outward signs of external anatomical genitalia like the other Plants in the tank. Which had Vash flex his fingers as he wondered just how much had the healing really changed Retha. Was she even human anymore or was she mostly Plant?

But Vash pushed that thought to the side as he pressed himself against the surface of the tank. The energy of the Plants washing through the glass to make in more like gel so Vash might pass through it with ease. So the gunman did so to sprint full speed into the tank and right to Retha. That woman he had tried to save over a century ago. Vash threw his arms around her to hug her tight and shudder from head to toe. His coat billowing up for him to press his face into the top of Retha's head. He could feel her hands touch at his sides for her energy to crackle over his senses. A question soon wordlessly answered for Vash to feel her smile. That sensation being the empathic and telepathic link all Plants shared and used with each other. Retha seemed to be able to use it with ease as he opened his mind to let them use words. "Retha! It's so good to see you! I almost gave up hope! But you're okay! Are you okay now?"

Retha's reply back had Vash feel like someone was tickling his mind with feathers that made him give a giggle. That voice the same as before as Retha replied with sweet words. "As well as one might expect, little bird. But I guess I shouldn't call you that anymore. Good Lord, you grew so big and tall. But it's going to be okay, Vash. I would have preferred to not have taken this long. But the others kept me from getting ahead of myself." Retha stepped back for Vash to keep his hands to her shoulders. Since she was now much shorter than he was for him to look down at her face. Those once brown eyes opening for him to see they were now silver grey. But her face was exactly the same as before. Her smile was just as it was in his memory. Playful words of warm happiness enveloping his thought and feelings. "Good to be back, crimson bird. Now then. Let's get me out of this flower vase and back into the real world."

[link4eva]

Kiro’s My Heart Jumps for Joy Mind’s Quest Translation [CN]

Hello, thank you for patience! The translation of this masterpiece of a date has arrived!! 😍

💛 A few things to note before you begin reading 💛

If you haven’t seen it yet, you can find the Exclusive Radio for this date here!

This translation was done with the help of Google Translate and @keliosyfan​!

I’m going to be including links to videos about certain moves and exercises that are described/mentioned in the date if you would like a little more detail. I’ve been classically trained in ballet ever since I was 5, so I’m going to leave little tidbits here and there throughout. My bun head self was so giddy while reading through 🤩 

I am going to give a slight TRIGGER WARNING in regards to the theme of weight loss in this date. The content of the date doesn’t really revolve around this topic, but it was mentioned enough times for me to feel that I should say something about it. Having been in the dance scene, I know it can be a sensitive topic.

So without further ado, enjoy!

*Spoilers for future content below!*

[First Part]

??: Dear passengers, welcome to Loveland Airlines flight LY0521 from Loveland City to Bern…

Accompanied by the gentle broadcast sound, I quickly finished the work email. After closing the file, I click to open the top chat box–

“Hey, I’ll take off right away~”

The moment the message is sent, a typing indicator pops up with a round-headed bear bouncing around.

Kiro: “Great! See you in seventeen hours and seven minutes!”

After the message arrived, another bear popped up and blew a pink heart kiss to me.

After we “blew kisses” back and forth several times with joy, I turned on airplane mode and looked at the blue sky outside the porthole. *CUUUUUTE*

In order to star in a literary film with a professional ballet dancer as the main character, Kiro decided to go to France for further studies despite the training he had when he was young.

Because this stay is for a month, we agreed to celebrate New Year’s in France so that he could study without apprehension.  

(Flashback to MC’s bedroom)

One week ago, Kiro unexpectedly sent a message adding additional plans–

Kiro: “MC, I’m going to Bern to find the teacher who taught me back then to take ballet lessons. See you in Bern!”

(Back to present)

MC: Phew… finally arrived.

After getting off the plane, I pulled the suitcase and walked quickly to the exit while rubbing my sore shoulders.

After walking through several passages, I finally saw the pick-up area. However–

The area was densely packed with golden heads occupying my field of vision. My ability to “spot the blond at a glance” is completely lost here. *I’m hoping this is what the text meant to say. GT made it sound really strange lol*

MC: Hmm…let’s use the power of technology.

Just as I was about to take out my phone, a brown colour appeared in the corner of my eye at a distance, shaking left and right midair in the crowd.

I looked closely and found that it was a little bear hand puppet!

It is wearing a beret and a plaid suit. It is obviously a gentleman’s outfit, but it is waving its bear paws excitedly, and its round head is also swinging back and forth in a rock-and-roll style.

After I waved to the Little Bear with a knowing smile, I quickened my pace.

At the same time, Little Bear also quickened his pace. *Changed some wording*

As I crossed the boundary line of the exit, I finally saw the person I had missed day and night for the past half month.

MC: Kiro! 

I let go of my luggage and threw myself into his arms. He tightened his arms, and a laughing voice rang in my ears.

Kiro: It seems that Kiro is also very lucky today. 

Kiro: It was supposed to take seventeen hours and seven minutes to see you, but only sixteen hours and fifty-three minutes have passed. *The fact that he counts down the minutes until he sees his beloved again 😭*

MC: Pfft, are you so easily satisfied? It’s just ten minutes early… 

Kiro: But for those of us who haven’t seen Miss Chips for half a month, we should cherish every moment we can earlier. 

MC: Us?

He raised the Little Bear with a smile, and it leaned down to me in a gentlemanly manner and kissed my cheek.

Kiro: Bear Ro-Ro misses you so much that he told me to kiss you when we meet~

Kiro: But I made an agreement with him a few weeks in advance. He can only kiss cheeks, and I–

In the next second, a softer touch lands on my upper lip and leaves a touch of sweetness.

Looking at the cunning he had in his eyes, I stand on my tiptoes and rubbed my nose with his.

MC: This big star Kiro really has a bunch of tricks up his sleeve. *Changed some wording. GT was giving something about 108 minds and I couldn’t tell you what it meant. I searched forever and couldn’t find anything 🥲*

MC: Even “stealing relatives” needs to find a high-sounding reason~ *This, too...*

Kiro: Don’t you like it? It’s not impossible to omit this step next time…

Just as I was about to smile and pinch his palm, my phone sounded with the company’s notification tone.

MC: …Give me one sec.

Kiro: Is it still busy during this time? 

MC: It’s okay~ In order to have a happy New Year with Superstar Kiro, I have already dealt with most of the stuff at work.

MC: Now we are waiting for an overseas company’s cooperation intention to reply.

Kiro: So that’s it…and there’s a lot of time for me? 

After pressing the send button, I took his arm with a smile.

MC: Well, almost 70% of the time is yours. The rest I can leave to work~

Kiro: Not bad, I’m accounted for more than half of your time.

He rolled his eyes, took my hand and walked towards the parking lot.

But after walking a few steps, I suddenly felt something was wrong and squeezed his palm.

Like realizing something, I took two quick steps forward, then turned around to face him, carefully observing him as I walked backwards.

Perhaps because of the sunlight, his jawline was more defined, and even his eye sockets became somewhat deep.

Although I knew that in order to meet the requirements of the role, he needed to be thinner. But now that I actually get to see him in person, he was much thinner than in the video call a few days ago.

MC: …

I feel a surge of tears beginning to rise, making my eyes feel a little hot.

Kiro has made such an effort for this role. I want to affirm him more than feel sorry for him.

I sniffled hard, pretending to be cold, and gave him a big smile.

MC: Kiro, you did it, congratulations! You have lost a lot of weight! Now it is very in line with what you showed me before the appearance of the protagonist was set. *Changed some wording*

Kiro: Really? Is it that obvious? 

MC: Of course! My Kiro now has a thin and lean beauty.

He opened his eyes slightly and smiled triumphantly.

Kiro: With your words, I seem to have the courage to insist on eating salad for a month again.

MC: You want to lose more weight?

Kiro: Well, after showing the teacher the premise of the character I’m playing, he thinks that the upper body needs to be thinner.

I froze for a moment and reacted belatedly.

MC: Are you talking about the ballet teacher you came here to take lessons with?

Kiro nodded.

MC: It seems that this mentor is really serious, otherwise he wouldn’t have made you willing to “toss” back and forth like this.

He seemed to be lost in thought, and after a while, he grinned wryly. 

Kiro: It’s better to say...that he’s a devil teacher rather than just a teacher. 

[Second Part]

After returning to Kiro’s temporary residence in Bern, it was already dark.

First, he studied the script for two hours according to the plan, and after half an hour of exercise…

We finally lay down on the sofa and chatted while resting, listening to the stories about him practising when he was young.

MC: What?! Even if you practice until late at night the day before, you have to get up at 5:30 in the morning the next day to practise again? *Can confirm this is 100% true. Had some practices until midnight sometimes and then had to go to school bright and early the next day. Rip 🥲*

Hearing this, I couldn’t help raising my head from his arms in surprise.

Kiro: Well, there are benefits to waking up early, too. You can take your time and have a hot breakfast. Otherwise, you can only just bite a piece of bread and run to class. 

Kiro: But what impressed me the most was that if we fell below his expectations even just a little bit, he would force us to stand on our heads.

Kiro: Ah— At that time, I was dizzy every day and often saw stars in front of my eyes in the room.

He paused and poked my nose triumphantly.

Kiro: But under such strict training, I was accidentally trained to be a pro “One, two, three wooden man”! *If you’ve heard of “Freeze Dance”, it’s pretty similar to what I believe he’s saying here (except that it’s not a punishment lol). The goal of the game is to only dance when the music is playing. When the music stops, everyone freezes. If you’re caught moving even just a little bit, you’re out. Whoever is the last one remaining wins. For an added challenge, there’ll be certain poses that the players have to freeze in such as a tree or flamingo.*

MC: Pfft… why is this such a game? Is it some kind of trick to avoid the devil teacher?

Kiro: Hmph, that’s right! As long as I am punished to stand on my head, I will try to “idle” while he is not looking at me~

Kiro: If I don’t, my head will be filled with blood and I will pass out, and I don’t want the ambulance to “wee woo, wee woo” me away. *He actually makes the siren sounds LOL*

MC: …

Listening to him joking about his previous experience, I felt a bit of a tug at my heart.

Even though I know this is typical for professional training, I still feel that this is a bit “wicked” for a ten-year-old child.

MC: Damn, I didn’t expect it to be so “devilish”!

Faced with my belated dissatisfaction, Kiro just smiled, his eyes reflecting the colours of flickering stars.

Then his fingertips wove between mine as if absorbing their warmth and began caressing them gently.

Kiro: I didn’t care about those things long ago, but now that I’m hearing Miss Chips’ cry of injustice…

Kiro: I am still very happy. 

I couldn’t help hugging him and leaning my head gently against his chest.

MC: …Then the reason why you came to him for mentoring is that this teacher has an irreplaceable strength?

Kiro hugged me tightly, closing the distance between us silently. 

Kiro: That’s right. But at the beginning, I didn’t have such an idea, but when I was training in France some time ago…

Kiro: I found that although the teacher in charge is very professional, he just encouraged me to get used to things slowly whenever I made a mistake. *Changed some wording*

Kiro: But…I don’t have much time to get used to it.

Kiro: I have to practice every movement to the extreme as soon as possible so that I can take on more difficult skills. 

MC: Have you communicated with him? Ask him to be stricter?

He paused, his eyes flickering with a complex expression.

Kiro: Well, he said that it was because I have missed the best age to practice professional ballet… 

Kiro: So even if one were to follow the requirements of professional dancers, it may not be enough.

He let go of me slightly, the deep sea in his eyes filled the night with more profound emotions secretly surging.

Kiro: But even though he said that, I still can’t accept it. 

The classical music flowing continuously from the record player in the room became extremely clear in the “pause” at this moment.

Kiro got off the sofa silently and walked towards the centre of the terrace alone–

Looking at his sudden actions, I seemed to know what he was going to do next, but I also didn’t. 

I can only watch him quietly.

After he slightly raised the corners of his lips to me, his body swayed gently to the melody.

*Bear with me as I give some terminology. GT isn’t the best at giving exact details for movements, so I had to get creative to make the steps make sense in word format 😅*

Soon, he seemed to enter the state. Kiro took a round step, jumped into the air and twirled lightly. *It looks like here he is doing a piqué turn en dehors and then going into a tour en l’air. You can watch it here (start at 1:30)*

The moonlight spread across the area, dyeing him bright and clean. His slender arms seem to touch the stars, stretching with supple grace.

Several times, he made difficult moves in the air that I couldn’t put a name to, just like an angel who strayed into the mortal world. *(Video) The text doesn’t say which moves but this link will give you an idea of what is being described here* 

He danced like this in the moonlight with the specs of dust, flowing in my unmoving eyes.

I don’t know how long it took before Kiro put down his lightly raised arms and turned to look at me.

Kiro: MC, this is the only episode that was approved by that teacher when I was ten years old. 

Kiro: Although I didn’t study with him for long, I still remember this part even now.

Kiro: …Every moment, height, and angle I never forgot.

Looking at the man who was still panting slightly, I couldn’t help sitting up from the sofa and staring at him sincerely.

MC: Kiro, although I don’t know much about ballet, I think the part you just performed was awesome.

MC: Just like the professional ballet dancers I see on TV.

Kiro: Really?

Kiro: But this is not enough.

Kiro: Because I want to play the protagonist who is dancing in the presence of thousands of people on stage. 

Kiro: For this reason, he has put in a lot of hard work. He has been practising day and night since he was five years old. In the past twenty years, he never slacked off a single day.

Kiro: And there’s this kind of distance between me and that person that I can’t catch up with.

Kiro: I can only keep practising, keep running forward, and walk through every road he has experienced.

Kiro: Only in this way can I empathize with him and interpret this role more realistically.

Kiro said this softly, his eyes slowly falling back on me.

Kiro: Therefore, his skills must not be treated “according to” Kiro’s own conditions.

Kiro: It is to be worthy of the stage of ten thousand people. 

Kiro: I have to be worthy of this pride.

Kiro spoke firmly against the night as if nothing could shake him.

At the same time, a gust of evening wind blows, and the raised hem of his clothes outlines his emaciated body.

The already distinct collarbone is getting deeper now, and even his shoulder blades are clearly protruding.

The emotion called “distress” turned into a thin rope at this time and it slowly twisted, making my breathing more rapid.

I silently walked behind Kiro and hugged him proudly but gently.

MC: Kiro, if you work hard, you will definitely make it through.

MC: And I will always be with you. 

He turned around with a smile and rubbed my head.

Kiro: Then I will prepare you in advance. *Changed some wording*

Kiro: I may practice without sleep or food, and may even have some small abrasions on my body…

Kiro: You can’t stop me then. 

Hearing his coquettish tone, I couldn’t help smiling and leaning into his arms.

MC: Of course, I know that. After all, you are Kiro who pursues perfection.

MC: Besides, I’m by your side now.

MC: If you feel tired and out of breath because you are too involved in doing something…

MC: I will hold you firmly like driftwood in the water so that you can find support as soon as you reach out. Reach out and I’ll be there.

MC: Let me help you find your breath.

MC: So you can rest assured do your best. 

[Memory Silhouette]

It was late at night and light snow fell outside the window.

Kiro sat in a corner of the terrace, quietly watching the world being gradually dyed into a pure white.

He originally thought that the chat tonight was just a shallow recollection of childhood trivialities.

But the sleepless heart lying on the bed seemed to prove that his emotions were not as relaxed as he had thought.

Although he has long forgotten how painful it is to stretch his legs to the right degree. *Changed some wording*

He could still vaguely see a picture in his mind with transparent ink stains dripping on the smooth floor.

It’s just that no one can tell whether it’s tears or sweat. *From experience, probably both 🥲*

Kiro exhaled lightly, stood up on his tiptoes and jumped again following the fluttering white snow.

But even so, he still likes it all.

Whether it is music or dance, they can make one’s heart calm.

And even more so when he was a child.

Apart from KEY’s home, he likes to spend time alone in the practice room.

You can temporarily isolate yourself, and then devote your full being to the melody of each stanza. *Changed some wording*

It’s where no one can bother him, it belongs to him alone–

A secret base.

Thinking of this, Kiro couldn’t help raising the corners of his lips. 

He hummed softly, and in the ever-changing dance steps, he caught flakes of white snow with his palm.

It wasn’t until a cloud slowly blows away that the obscured stars finally appear.

Kiro looked at the sky and couldn’t help but speak softly.

Kiro: Miss Chips, the stars are out. 

After a brief silence, Kiro looked back at the girl who was already asleep and walked quietly to her side.

The girl fell asleep peacefully, the laptop was still on the quilt, and the screen was covered with program budgets.

Kiro: Trying to work with jet lag must be hard, right? 

Kiro picked up the laptop while talking, and after pressing the save button, he closed the screen and put it aside.

Just when he was about to get into bed, he seemed to have thought of something, and suddenly stayed in place. 

Kiro: …

In the next second, Kiro began to rub his somewhat cold hands to warm them up and then on the clothes and trousers that were penetrated with cold air.

It wasn’t until his body became warm that he lifted the quilt and lay down slowly.

But before he could find the most suitable sleeping position, the girl suddenly rolled over and hugged him.

Kiro: Are you a koala? You found the right place in one go. 

Even though he said this, he still gently took the girl into his arms.

Just as he closed his eyes contentedly, he suddenly opened his eyes as if he had forgotten the most important thing.

Kiro smiled, leaned over and kissed the girl’s soft lips. *This is a reference to his first Exclusive Memory in his Mini House where they agreed to share a kiss in the morning when they wake up and before they go to bed 💛*

Kiro: Good night, my Miss Chips. 

[Third Part]

The morning sun gleamed leisurely on my eyelids. I opened my eyes and found that the other half of the bed was empty, only covered with residual warmth.

Thinking that Kiro had already woken up, I also took out the laptop beside the bed and started working.

There is a seven-hour time difference between Loveland City and here, so I can only start work in the early hours of the morning and at midnight.

In order to finalize the cooperation intention with the overseas “TN” company earlier, I have been organizing online meetings with Anna and optimized the planning proposal and budget table many times.

It’s just that the other party hasn’t expressed its intention and my heart is beginning to sink.

After another reminder to keep the staff on track, I got off the computer and walked out of the bedroom in my nightgown.

(Cut to courtyard)

The morning sun shines in through the leaves in the courtyard, casting a peaceful moment.

I walked lazily until I noticed the empty yogurt bowl on the island in front of me and a banana peel in the trash can.

This scene reminded me of the thin frame dancing in the moonlight.

I pursed my lips, stepped forward and opened the refrigerator–

At a glance, there are only fruits and vegetables and unsweetened yogurt on the side door panel.

MC: He’s been eating these every day…there’s not even meat.

I continued to rummage and finally found a steak in the small and exquisite freezer with a sticky note on the sealed bag–

Kiro: “I’ll eat you on Thursday!”

Kiro: “What’s Kiro, who’s had meat for only two days, going to do? Can’t stand it T_T *Changed some wording*

Just seeing the words on the sticky note, his tone of grievance and bitterness filled in my mind.

Feeling sad, I picked up a pen and wrote a cute little sentence–

“I promise that when you accomplish the weight loss, we will find an authentic hot pot restaurant in Switzerland, so come on!”

After closing the refrigerator, I sighed and walked toward the living room. My gaze continued to search for Kiro’s figure.

As if responding to me, after turning a corner, I heard soft piano music playing slowly.

I followed the sound and saw a figure standing against the light. 

Kiro stepped on the green grass with bare feet and stretched his slender arms toward the blue sky as if he was stroking something.

His fingertips touch the tree trunk, one arm stretched over the other as his leg extended up in the air.

The close-fitting clothes trace out lean lines and the light is like a paintbrush, leaving traces of lustre. *Once again, GT wasn’t very clear, but it sounds like he is doing an adage which is slower-paced to focus on lines and extensions of the body. The video here will give you an idea.* 

Under the shadowy backlight, that unreal figure seemed to make me really see the dream-chasing boy in the script.

The sky and the earth are his audience, the grass, trees and sunshine are his feathers, and the sound of rustling leaves in the wind is the uninterrupted applause.

And like a noble prince standing under the sunlight, the immediate everything is calmly captured in his eyes.

I never made a sound, unwilling to destroy the eternal moment in this “picture frame”. It wasn’t until the sound of the piano subsided that he finally stopped and sat on the soft bed next to him. *It’s interesting that “picture frame” is mentioned because this is one of the techniques used in dance. You can use it for any sort of dance but adage is one where it’s super important to remember. Basically, imagine that as you are dancing, there is a photographer who is taking pictures of you throughout. As these pictures are being taken, you want the photographer to capture each and every position you go through to get to the next. While you want each position to be clear in the picture, you also have to remember to have your body flow rather than have it be rigid.*

I don’t know what he is thinking as he waits for his panting breaths to calm down. Only then did he reach out and lace his fingers into his hair gently, lifting it out of the way. 

My gaze was following his movements, and when I found that the zipper was reaching his waist, I opened my mouth in a strange way.

MC: Do you need help? 

Hearing my voice, Kiro paused slightly. He stood still for a moment and then looked sideways at me.

The moment our eyes met, the deep blue sea begins to secretly surge.

It’s as if it’s going to drag me into the tide.

Kiro: Well, help me undo it.

His voice was slightly hoarse. I walked over and slowly undid the zipper.

With the movement, the tulle of the shirt slid to the sides, revealing the thin neck and slightly protruding spine.

Perhaps the sunlight was a bit dazzling which made me involuntarily put my fingertips on his.

It is a different touch from the past because it is not so smooth. It is also a little cold.

I pursed my lips and continued to pull down the zipper. Looking at the gradually revealing spine, I finally couldn’t help blurting out my silent emotions.

MC: Kiro, I’ve made up my mind, I want to accompany you. Let’s start with a salad.

MC: I know it will be very hard for one person, so let’s work together to resist the temptation of delicious food. Just consider it a challenge!

MC: But you have to promise me that when the shooting is over, you will eat all the meat that is hidden away.

MC: If Savin disagrees, I will help you to intercede.

MC: Otherwise…you might as well take on some characters that need to gain muscle so that you can eat delicious foods freely–

Without waiting for these words to pour out, he suddenly turned around, put his hands on my lower back and kissed me.

The sudden kiss made me feel overwhelmed, but the instigator just kept silent as he breathed with me.

Slowly, his cold body embraced me and we sank onto the soft couch together, as if immersed in a clear spring in winter.

I opened my eyes slightly and found that the eyes of the person close at hand were still shut, his eyelashes trembled slightly with his breathing.

But soon, he seemed to notice my gaze and opened his eyes.

Kiro: … 

Now that his eyes were no longer closed, he looked at me quietly, his fingertips wandering around my lower back.

His fingertips were “cascading”, slowly running over my back and continuously rolling upwards until finally sinking deep into my hair.

The fingertips that kept rubbing made me shiver slightly.

Kiro: MC…

MC: Hm?

I murmured indulgently, but not even a moment after my breath was released, he seized me again.

At the same time, the nightgown was easily untied.

His kiss slowly moved downstream, leaving a ticklish feeling everywhere he went.

Although my body trembled slightly, I couldn’t help but want to do something… I raised my chin and caught his eyes which were as muddled as mine.

MC: Kiro…

MC: Hold me closer.

Kiro: Mm. 

Even though I said this, I was the first to wrap my arms around him, making sure to leave no extra gaps.

In this way, we roamed each other’s bodies in this clear spring surging with tides, letting the temperature slowly boil.

Until the sun rises and completely covers the spring–

Only fine layers of sweat were left in the silence between each other which seemed to confirm something.

He finally let me go, but his warm fingertips were still caressing my collarbone.

Kiro: You know what? Before you came, I thought this morning was going to be a repeat of the previous few days. 

I lay in his arms, a little confused by the sudden conversation, but he just raised the corners of his lips and continued talking.

Kiro: After repeating the exercises over and over again, my brain began to empty, and I imagined myself coming to the seaside. My feet were no longer touching green grass, but rather soft sand.

Kiro: It seems that you can float in the clouds with just a light jump.

Kiro: At that time, I was thinking, what could be better than now? 

He stopped slowly, looking down at me.

Kiro: Then you stopped me.

Kiro: At that moment, all the bubbles of my fantasy disappeared little by little until there was no sea or beach.

Kiro: I came back to reality and saw my favourite scene.

At this moment, looking at those blue eyes that only reflected me, my heart began to softly surge.

MC: Is that what’s best for you?

Kiro: Well, there is no other scenery like yours. 

I buried myself in his chest with a smile. We tacitly enjoyed the tranquillity at this moment and felt each other’s breath.

Growl…

Until some sudden sound came from my stomach.

Before I could explain myself, Kiro poked my stomach with a smile. 

Kiro: It seems like Miss Chips’ stomach has started to eat itself. 

MC: I…

He smiled brighter and lowered his head to rub the tip of my nose.

Kiro: But it’s mainly my fault that I didn’t prepare breakfast for you in advance.

After he finished speaking, he got up and walked towards the kitchen. Halfway through, he suddenly thought of something and turned to look at me.

Kiro: By the way, come to class with me after eating. I already let the teacher know in advance~ 

[Fourth Part]

In the afternoon, I ended up in a sunny classroom and met the rumoured ��Devil Teacher”.

He is warming up at the barre. Although his hair is white, his face is thin and his eyes are as sharp as an eagle’s.

From the slender limbs and elegant posture, it is not difficult to see that even in his sixties, he still has the ultimate pursuit of art.

Kiro: Bonjour, professeur. 

Kiro looked at me, wrapped an arm around my waist and continued speaking in French so that I couldn’t understand–

It wasn’t until I caught my name that I realized he was introducing me to the teacher.

I hurriedly nodded to the teacher and wondered whether I should also greet him in French, but my tongue was tied when I opened my mouth.

MC: [In English] …Hi, nice to meet you.

Teacher: Bonjour.

The teacher nodded calmly, and with a wave of his forearm, gave way to the position of the barre as if signalling the start of class.

Kiro: I’m ready to start, so you have to keep looking at me. 

He leaned over slyly and looked at me, tilted his head and pecked my cheek lightly.

MC: Kiro…the teacher is still there. 

Kiro: Don’t worry, he’s a “devil”, but he’s also a romantic French man.

As he spoke, he took out the dance shoes in his bag and changed into them. After taking off his jacket, he revealed the clothes he wore for practising from not long ago.

Watching him walk quickly to the barre to start warming up, I also went to the corner and sat down quickly.

The piano accompaniment sounded quickly and the classroom is gradually filled with dancing and Bu Bu’s main theme.

Teacher: Non, non, non…!! (No, no, no…!!)

Although I don’t understand French, from the teacher’s passionate tone sounding again and again, I also noticed that the atmosphere is tense and strict.

In just ten minutes, Kiro’s clothes were soaked with sweat, his cheeks were flushed, and he gasped for breath.

But he never stopped. He took a step back onto his left leg with his arms held to the side and bent his knees–

After a burst of momentum, he began to rotate round and round.

Sweat drops were scattered onto the ground following the inertia, and the only sound left in the whole classroom was the sound of the rotation… *(Video) From the sounds of it, Kiro’s doing pirouettes or fouette’s, but I’m leaning towards pirouettes.*

The corrections sounded continuously along with “Non”. *Changed some wording*

Suddenly, the picture in front of me gradually overlapped with a thin golden figure following the story I heard last night.

I thought that when he was a child, in the face of such a “vicious spirit”, he would be trembling.

But looking at it now, that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Even if the nay-saying voice is louder, he held his jaw up high and proceeds to jump up in the air, one smooth movement after the other. *(Video) Possibly grand allegro?*

His face stays determined throughout as if nothing could defeat him.

Looking at him like this, the little golden portrait I built in my mind was stroked with “pride”.

Involuntarily, I took out my phone and silently recorded the picturesque scene.

After an unknown amount of time, the light was dyed red-gold by time and afterglow slipped in.

I straightened my body slightly, and the moment the devil teacher stepped out of the classroom, I quickly walked in front of Kiro.

At this time, he was sitting on the floor stretching his muscles. I squatted down, handed over the water bottle and kissed him lightly.

MC: Kiro, thank you for your hard work~

Kiro: It wasn’t hard, I’m just a little tired– 

He pouted coquettishly, opened his arms, and lay back on the floor.

MC: The floor is so cold, you’ll catch a cold like this!

Kiro: Then you should come and warm me up. 

Kiro smiled and tugged me lightly so that I fell into his lap and open arms.

As if he wanted to rest for a while, he closed his eyes, his fingertips caressed my shoulder restlessly.

Kiro: Miss Chips, how did I do in class?

MC: Do I really need to say? You did very, very well, of course.

Kiro: Hmm…could this be the encouragement of love?

MC: Wrong. To be precise, it is the encouragement and affirmation of love~

MC: If you don’t believe me, take a look at the dance you just did. It was just like a dynamic oil painting~

As I said that, I took out my cell phone and played the video I just recorded for him.

Kiro: Sigh…It seems that the jump is not high enough and the feeling of staying in the air isn’t either. 

Kiro: And when controlling the legs, the insteps are not very straight, and it seems that the muscles are subconsciously relaxed.

According to his comments, I carefully observed every frame of the screen for a second and finally poked him with my elbow helplessly.

MC: …Are you sure you’re not nitpicking? *If there’s one thing that most dancers hate, it’s watching themselves dance in a video. It’s like “Omg, not the sickled foot! 😫” �� What is that leg doing?!” LOL*

MC: Or maybe it’s because I’m an outsider, so I can’t see things the same way you do.

Kiro: Maybe both? 

Kiro: After all, in the eyes of the professional, you can see at a glance whether the movements are in place.

Kiro: So I still have a long, long way to go before reaching that level.

Kiro: It just so happens that there is no class tomorrow, so why not spend the whole day in the practice room, trying to improve the instep situation…

Even though he said that, his tone was not the slightest bit discouraged. On the contrary, there is still a bit of eagerness to try.

I couldn’t help but prop my head sideways, stretch out my thumb and poke his cheek like a stamp.

MC: Kiro, you are really amazing.

He also imitated me and turned his head sideways and touched the tip of my nose.

Kiro: Huh? Did you just find out that I’m amazing today? 

MC: …Seriously?? I’m praising you!

Seeing me pretending to be serious, he smiled and narrowed his eyes like the corners of his mouth. The little bear dipped in honey obediently waits for “praise”.

MC: Because I saw you in class today, I realized that this process seems to be more difficult than I imagined.

MC: It is simply a double tempering of the mind and body…but you seem to be enjoying it, so that’s what makes it amazing.

Kiro: Hearing you say that, I don’t seem to be bad~ 

I smiled and winked as I handed the microphone to his mouth.

MC: In this case, I want to interview Superstar Kiro. What tips can you pass on to me in this regard?

MC: I also want to have fun on the journey of training~

He rolled his eyes and laid down again with his head on top of his arms.

Kiro: It seems that there is no trick, I just often see things that make me stick to it when I practice. *Such a dancer thing to say haha*

I looked around the classroom, tilting my head in confusion.

MC: But isn’t there just a barre and a mirror here?

Kiro: Not quite, maybe it’s because our perspectives are different?

Kiro: For example, in your eyes, what you see is that I keep dancing and practising.

Kiro: But in my eyes, besides the barre and the mirror, I also see many different things. 

MC: What is that?

Kiro: …I’m trying to figure out how to describe it to you.

In the end, his eyes lit up. When he came close to me, his sweet breath stopped at the tip of my nose.

Kiro: Let’s see, how about you practice with me tomorrow?

Kiro: So that you can see what I see. 

[Memory Silhouette]

In the evening after Kiro and I got back from class, we began eating a salad.

Kiro: Miss Chips, are you sure you don’t want to add any salad dressing? 

Kiro: You know you don’t have to follow so closely.

I nodded with firm eyes, put a vegetable in my mouth and chewed.

MC: No need, I said I want to be with you.

MC: And eating a healthy salad is good for me, too. It’ll help to remove the buildup of the greasy food I ate before~

MC: If I’m really gluttonous, I’ll use the “self-deception method”--

As I said this, I picked up a piece of tofu, closed my eyes and put it in my mouth.

MC: This is meat, this is meat. Just chew this tender and fragrant meat.

Kiro: I’ll try it, too.

Kiro: What I’m eating now is tender beef and eggs. 

I couldn’t help but secretly open my eyes halfway and smile after Kiro had followed my example and closed his eyes to eat.

MC: So? Does it work?

He opened his eyes and shrugged his shoulders with a helpless smile.

Kiro: No, it’s just plain white tofu. 

Kiro: Ah– I can’t wait until tomorrow to eat that steak.

Hearing this, I suddenly thought of something and opened my mouth while picking up some beans.

MC: By the way, you said that there is no class tomorrow in the afternoon and you can only practice by yourself.

MC: So when is your next class?

He rolled his eyes and bit into a vegetable.

Kiro: Next Monday.

I froze for a moment and couldn’t help being a little surprised.

MC: Is there always such a long time between classes?

Kiro: Well, he has so many students to teach, so the queue is very full.

MC: Ah..that sounds so hard having to teach classes all day long.

Kiro: He doesn’t find it hard. Since he retired from the stage, he has been teaching students who also want to be on the stage. Kiro: In this way, day after day, twenty or thirty years have passed.

MC: Amazing… *I’ve had a couple of professors who were in their seventies. One of them even performed occasionally, too.*

Before I could finish speaking, Kiro took out a tissue, wiped the corner of my mouth lightly, and continued to eat with a fork.

Kiro: Mm, but being able to maintain his fierce character for thirty years is something that is special about him…

MC: You never really talked about his gentle side before. Is it the encouragement method? *Changed some wording*

Kiro thought for a while, smiled and shook his head.

Kiro: He himself said that he can gently praise and encourage just like other teachers.

Kiro: But to do so would smooth out the edges of genius.

Kiro: If ultimate perfection is desired, then indulgent compliments should be an afterthought. 

MC: …Hold on.

I bit the fork lightly, pretending to look at Kiro seriously.

MC: Could it be that your perfectionism was nurtured by this teacher?

Kiro: That’s not true, it just happens to be the same idea.

MC: Really…you already had such an awareness when you were ten years old?

MC: At that time, I would only cry and complete all the holiday homework the day before school started…

Kiro put down the fork, smiled and rubbed my head. 

Kiro: Of course, at the time I didn’t know what the term perfectionism meant.

Kiro: I just simply wanted to be the best, to be first.

Looking at his smiling eyes, I couldn’t help pinching his nose.

MC: A very ambitious ghost– *I don’t know what this was meant to be*

Kiro: As you said, being a workaholic is not bad~ 

He pinches my nose in return and then puts the two empty salad bowls in the sink and starts cleaning.

I blinked and ran to help him clean up the table.

MC: After washing, I’ll help you with the lines, alright?

His soapy hand paused slightly, and after a while, he quickly pecked the side of my face.

MC: Pfft…Are you that happy to practice lines with me?

Kiro: Of course, with your sweet self by my side, I’m jumping with joy. *Changed some wording*

Kiro: So how can I be unhappy when I am soaked in a honeypot~ 

[Fifth Part]

On the second day, wisps of morning light were hidden behind the classroom door. I pushed it lightly and the sun enveloped my whole body at once, making me feel marvellous and causing my eyes to narrow.

MC: Sure enough, a beautiful day starts by being greeted by the sun.

Kiro: That’s right, today’s practice will definitely be “distinction”. *Changed the word at the end because one of the highest levels of marks you can get in a ballet exam is called “distinction” (at least in RAD)* 

Thinking about what Kiro said yesterday, I smiled and wrapped my arms around the nape of his neck.

MC: But before starting, let me say this in advance!

MC: If I look stiff and have two left feet, you must not laugh at me. *Changed some wording*

He looked at me who was close at hand, leaned in and pecked the side of my lips.

Kiro: Okay, but before that, go and change your clothes, alright? 

MC: …Clothes?

I followed his gaze and looked back to find a brand new dance skirt on the stool in the classroom.

Kiro: You should know that in addition to office supplies and daily necessities in your suitcase, there are only Spring Festival-themed clothes to be worn here.

Kiro: I don’t have any close-fitting sportswear, so I had to ask someone to buy some overnight.

I walked over curiously and picked up the dance skirt. It was like a cicada’s wings, the thin lace looked gorgeous and comfortable.

MC: Why is this different from the practice clothes in my memory, it looks like a performance costume–

Kiro slightly shrugged his shoulders, cunning in his eyes.

Kiro: Maybe that’s because it was bought for the “princess” I talked to on the phone? ….She’s both cute and fascinating. 

MC: ……You really didn’t say that, did you? 

He smiled and took off his coat and the practice clothes he had changed into were inexplicably matched with the skirt in my hand.

Kiro: Miss Chips is so silly. Actually, I ordered this skirt online myself overnight.

Kiro: It’s just that my eyes are too picky, so I finally chose the one that I think is best.

Kiro: Of course, the prerequisite for choosing is that it has to match my clothes.

After changing clothes and walking into the classroom, Kiro’s gaze fell on me and he laughed.

Kiro: It’s so beautiful. Now it’s time to invite my Princess Chips to warm up with me~ 

As he spoke, he led me to the barre and I imitated his movements and put my leg on the barre.

In an instant, I felt my muscles being stretched.

Kiro: Does it hurt?

Kiro walked behind me and lightly stroked my lower thigh with his fingertips which made me tremble uncontrollably.

MC: …No, but it’s a bit ticklish. 

Kiro: Then just try to bear it? Your body is left vulnerable to injury if it’s not properly warmed up. 

Seeing me nodding my head, he also suppressed his smile a little and helped me warm up earnestly.

His cold fingertips moved from my thighs to my waist and then my butterfly bone. After a while, sweat beads began to appear.

His fingertips are no longer cold, almost as if they were absorbing my increasing body temperature.

It wasn’t until the sunlight shifted after a few minutes that I exhaustedly leaned on his shoulder.

MC: Why…is warming up so tiring. I feel that it’s even more energy-consuming than Pilates. *Between the two, Pilates rocked me omg. My body wouldn’t stop shaking after 😖. But ballet warm-ups can be hella intense, too. I had one teacher that used to say that if you’re not pouring sweat after the first exercise, you’re doing something wrong 😅*

Kiro: You can’t stop now, this is just the beginning. 

Without waiting for me to make a bitter face, he rubbed my cheek.

Kiro: Or do you not want to feel it?

MC: Of course I do, what should I do next?

At this time, there was a vibrating sound which seemed to be coming from my cell phone on the bench.

I glanced at Kiro, walked over suspiciously and picked it up to find it was Anna calling.

Anna: MC, TN, which had been wanting to talk about cooperation before has finally agreed.

Anna: But the profit they proposed is far worse than our expectation. We don’t even have the authority to plan the programs we cooperate with…It feels like the company has exhausted all its options.

MC: Is there room for negotiation?

Anna: Probably not. After all, TN is an experienced overseas media company, and many domestic media companies want to cooperate with them even after paying money.

My heart sank. Facing this “favourite” in the eyes of the media, I was speechless, so I had to end the call first.

Kiro: What’s the matter? Your expression doesn’t look good. 

I don’t know when but Kiro came to my side and rubbed between my brows.

I took a deep breath and briefly explained the incident.

MC: I thought it was good news, but I didn’t expect it to be a sum of money that would almost erase our profits besides increasing popularity.

As I said that, I buried myself in his chest with some distress.

MC: But in the long run, this is a very important step in the strategy of “occupying” overseas markets.

MC: So is it better to agree to cooperate?

Kiro: So you’re conflicted about which option to go with?

MC: After all, it is a matter of choice. No matter which option we go with, I won’t feel very reconciled…

Kiro gently stroked my hair, his eyes filled with light.

Kiro: I don’t think there’s anything to be worried about. 

He said this and took me to the barre and put my hands on top of it.

Kiro: MC, in order to achieve our goals, we have to accept that no trade-offs can be made.

Kiro: But it’s not a once-and-for-all decision. Sometimes it’s only an illusion that confuses you.

Kiro: Let you mistakenly think that giving up important things will give you better returns in the future.

MC: Kiro…

Gazing into my perplexed eyes, he just moved closer to me, breathing lightly by my ears.

Kiro: I still remember the teacher telling me in my first ballet class–

Kiro raised my chin with his fingertips, making my breathing stop.

Kiro: Never bow your head so easily. 

His eyes are clear and bright in the sun, but also a little fierier.

Kiro: Everyone has their own pride.

Kiro: So we need to continue to maintain it to keep it fulfilled.

No matter how slow I was, I realized that Kiro seemed to care about what he was referring to.

Kiro: And, if you want to let your every move be relaxed and controlled.

Kiro: Then you yourself must first have strength.

In the next second, his fingers moved between my legs. Within seconds, tremors spread all over my body.

Kiro: Squeeze your legs.

Kiro: The strength runs through from the feet to the head, so this way you can stand more firmly and not be easily shaken. 

A low but undeniable voice sounded in my ears. I took a light breath and tried to squeeze my legs together according to his words.

I gradually felt his fingertips being squeezed and restrained by my legs, but I still let his fingertips climb up calmly.

Kiro: Your inner strength is not enough, I can still do whatever I want. *Just want to add that this is something that dance teachers stress to their students. Having inner thigh strength is one the most important things to maintaining good balance, along with core strength.*

As if to prove his words, he pulled out his hand and easily picked up my leg with one finger and slowly tightened his palm.

The sudden move made me want to look in the mirror ahead. 

He seemed to sense what I was going to do and gently held my jaw. *The position that MC is in is called arabesque*

MC: Kiro…?

Seeing that I was a little surprised, those quiet eyes finally turned into a small smile.

Then he leaned closer and rubbed my shoulder.

Kiro: Miss Chips, remember what I said yesterday?

Kiro: About what exactly I saw in my vision.

MC: Mm…

He smiled lightly and looked into the distance.

Kiro: I’m not actually watching myself in the mirror doing one movement one after another.

Kiro: Nor am I looking at every person and thing in this classroom.

He paused and slowly retracted his palm that was tightly holding my waist.

Kiro: I will look to the end of the distance. *YASSSS!! This is another thing that is taught in dance. You don’t want to just aim your focus at the audience or at an object, you want to project it outside the venue and beyond.*

Kiro: Sometimes there is the sea, the green grass, and the place where I shuttle between cities.

Kiro: They are all my stages.

Kiro: And when I perform on my stage, how can I feel bitter?

Kiro: I just feel satisfied, and I just want to stay on this stage just a little longer.

Looking at the vast sea in his eyes, my heart also ripples like the waves.

It surges endlessly, pushing me to the bright place again and again.

Kiro: Now, do you still feel stuck on which decision to make? 

I looked and him and shook my head slightly.

MC: It seems that I no longer am. I know what I should do now.

Seeing that I had an answer, Kiro laughed.

In the next second, he held my waist with both hands like in a classic ballet pas de deux and lifted me into the air.

Kiro: MC, I have one more thing to ask you.

He said this while supporting me to turn and face the window.

Kiro: Can you tell me what the scenery is in your eyes right now?

Following his voice, I looked at everything in my field of vision and my heart began to surge softly.

MC: I…

MC: I see the grass, the sky, and the distance…

MC: I see many beautiful sceneries.

Even though it is an all-too-common scene in front of me, I dare not blink at this moment.

I don’t want to spoil a single bit of it.

Kiro: You said before that if I feel tired, out of breath or frustrated…

Kiro: You’ll be the driftwood that’ll always hold me up. 

Kiro: So that I can do whatever I want to the best of my ability.

Kiro: And I’ll be yours. 

Kiro lowered me slowly while talking and we were attached to each other without any gaps.

His eyes were shining brightly as if this fine light is enough to light up my whole being.

I couldn’t help but hold his cheeks and smile brightly.

MC: Kiro, you have always been doing something like this for me.

MC: I know you will always be by my side, encouraging and supporting me. So no matter what happens, I won’t be timid.

MC: You have always been my strength. *CRYING RN*

Kiro shook his head lightly with a gorgeous smile on his face.

Kiro: Just this is not enough.

Kiro: I want even more of you. 

After speaking, he gently held my head and kissed me tenderly.

His breath is so soft, but it seems to be able to invade my whole world, leaving only the surging sea.

I just lay in the blue ocean, letting it move my body with the tides.

In his arms, I also slowly closed my eyes, feeling his temperature, feeling being surrounded by light–

Because my heart has already crafted the brightest and most beautiful scenery.

[End]

[darklinaforever]

I'm sick of people saying/thinking that Daemon doesn't love/care about/ignore his daughters on a daily basis, that it's a fact and you have to be blind or in denial not to to see him.

First of all :

People all too easily forget that short, but very cute scene, where we see Daemon teaching High Valyrian to Baela, effectively sharing with her his heritage and culture, something that we know is particularly close to Daemon's heart. Then, before going to bed, Baela bends down to kiss Daemon, who cocks his cheek to receive his goodnight kiss. The relationship between Daemon and his daughter Baela therefore seems good, and absolutely nothing indicates otherwise.

I doubt a dad who doesn't love/care/ignore his daughters on a daily basis would do that. In reality, a father who did all of those things would definitely not do anything the scene showed.

Second :

Then we learn that Rhaena, Daemon's second daughter, unlike her sister, still hasn't seen her dragon egg hatch. The little one therefore seems full of uncertainty, even going so far as to place herself below the other members of her family, judging herself less important because she has no dragon. In that same scene, she also states that Daemon is ignoring her. However, before taking Rhaena's words at face value, it's important to remember that it's very common for a child this age to feel ignored by a parent, or to think they're less loved than their siblings, especially if the child in question has a particular insecurity. Which, here, is the case for Rhaena.

Another important detail, Laena defends Daemon to her daughter, saying that he does his best.

And I think it is, otherwise the episode would have shown us Daemon being a horrible father, and probably Laena taking him back on that. However, once again, she defends him instead, while obviously consoling her daughter in the process.

Laena is not a victim. She's a Velaryon. She of Targaryen blood, descends from ancient Valyria and rides Vaghar, the greatest dragon in the world. It's certainly not Daemon who will scare him.

We see that she confronts him on the subjects that bother him. She takes him back to his current state. That he's not himself, that he actually has no interest in Pentos, hides in the books of the library, hardly sleeps anymore, that he lies saying that his brother and his house don't he doesn't miss it. Hell, she even tells him she knows she's not the woman he wanted. (And we all know she knows about Rhaenyra) If Daemon was mistreating Rhaena, as some idiots think since this episode, she definitely would have reprimanded him about it. Moreover, this discussion between Laena and Daemon takes place after the discussion between Laena and Rhaena. An important detail to note. The little one is full of her father's behavior, Laena defends him and goes to talk to him right after, finally letting us finally understand as a spectator that Daemon is in fact in a very bad situation.

What we see in this episode is actually a brooding, self-exiling Daemon trying to be content with his current life and family, but missing Viserys and more specifically Rhaenyra, which plunges him into an undeniable depression.

He tones down his true nature in an attempt to be happy, but it doesn't work, and gets worse over time. Laena will tell him “The man I married was worth more than that. “, which shows that their marriage has not always been like this, that she worries about him and would like him to find his inner fire.

I don't think he dislikes Rhaena because she doesn't have a dragon. It's stupid to say that. Mainly for two reasons. First, Daemon himself had not yet claimed a dragon at the age of Rhaena, (see the book for that) and then Viserys himself, I remind you, has no dragon, and yet we all know that Daemon undeniably and unconditionally loves his big brother.

Also, Viserys, in addition to being his older brother, was also his father figure for much of his life. It is therefore normal that Daemon particularly likes Viserys, even if it can also explain Daemon's difficulties in being a father, in addition to his depression, in view of his model. Let's not forget after all that Viserys made mistakes, and was not the best father or brother in the world, far from it!

As for Daemon, let's be clear, he's always been a chaotic being (in the show), having trouble expressing his emotions properly. But with its current state, it must be even worse. We also know that Daemon clearly has trouble managing (or even not at all) what he can't control, and or what gives him an emotional overflow. So, I think Daemon probably doesn't really know how to comfort Rhaena about her lack of a dragon, or even how to properly broach this topic with her.

Maybe that's why when Laena finds the right words to comfort Rhaena, she automatically tells her that's what Daemon would say to her as well, because knowing him well, she knows that would be the case.

The fact that Baela's egg has hatched also presumably allows Daemon to facilitate a connection with his daughter. And from what we've seen in the show so far, I think Baela is the one who looks the most like Daemon due to her impulsiveness, which is why he would be more connected with her than Rhaena.

Third :

Now let's move on to this famous scene where everyone is crying foul! That Daemon looks indifferent and or cold with his daughters, mourning the death of their mother. Going so far as to use the scene in question to "prove" what a bad father Daemon is who ignores/don't care/don't love them.

Let's be clear. This is bullshit. Simply because Matt Smith didn't play the scene that way, and it shows.

Daemon doesn't look cold, and or indifferent in this scene. He is distant, yes, but he also looks sad. His gaze gives the impression of wanting to console his children, but of not knowing what to say or do exactly to achieve this, his little reflex of the hand surely testifying to his discomfort with the situation.

I recall that Daemon has literally just seen his wife commit suicide / burn alive before his eyes. Are you aware of the impact that such an event can have on someone? I think it's minimally understandable that Daemon doesn't handle the situation very well as a result.

Not to mention that given his obvious depression presented earlier in the episode, beyond the sadness and shock of Laena's death, Daemon must have felt lost and confused. Such an event is extremely hard to manage, even more so to explain it to your own children, especially for someone who has trouble managing / supporting what they cannot control, and or what gives them too many emotions . (What Daemon is basically in the series again)

But Daemon becomes a bad father for that? Because of a traumatic event that you refuse to treat as such, which pushes him to isolate himself at the end of episode 6 and part of episode 7? Why ? I don't know if you realize how disturbing what you are saying/suggesting is. Not everyone is able to comfort their loved ones in this type of situation (for the most part much less traumatic than Laena's death) and that does not necessarily mean that the person is a bad parent / does not like / doesn't care about / care about his children. It's amazing to think that way.

By the way, I love the double standard in relation to this situation! Literally, Viserys did the same thing in episodes 1 and 2 with Aemma's death, isolating himself from everyone, ignoring Rhaenyra. However, I do not see anyone insulting Viserys or using this period between him and Rhaenyra to bring down his character and the affection he has for him.

I will add that at least Daemon himself broke the news of Laena's death to his daughters. Because yeah, that's basically what that rooftop scene is about. Daemon therefore moved to speak/see his daughters after Laena's brutal death. Again, a dad who doesn't love/care/ignore his daughters on a daily basis wouldn't do that. Viserys, on the other hand, clearly did not bother, and Rhaenyra probably learned of her mother's death from the servants, in addition to being immediately ignored by her father in the days that followed, before he named her heiress, to then return to hide in her solitude for a period of 6 months while "flirting" with Alicent.

This scene is in no way a valid endorsement/point for saying that Daemon ignores his girls in general/on a daily basis. Already because it is a complicated and traumatic event, but which is also in contradiction with the scene where we see Daemon making Baela study the high Valyrian earlier in episode 6.

Fourth :

While Viserys offers Daemon to return to King's Landing, he replies that Pentos is his home and that of his children (Rhaena is therefore visibly included, showing that he also cares about her), thus indicating that 'he is concerned about his daughters' possible feelings about being uprooted from the place where they have always lived.

If Daemon was only driven by a selfish desire to go back to hiding in Pentos (and I mean only, because there's definitely a bit of that in the case), he wouldn't have included his daughters in his refusal. to return to King's Landing. It wasn't necessary. Daemon has never been characterized as a hypocritical character, on the contrary. He is a character who says what he thinks bluntly, and above all who never seeks excuses for his actions. Usually what Daemon says, well he means it. (even if be careful, there is still a human being capable of saying empty words, in particular hurtful)

Some would surely say that was hypocritical of Daemon, as he would ultimately decide to stay to be with Rhaenyra. But there is however a huge difference. Viserys' proposal brings nothing positive to Daemon. Go back to the course and its endless problems? What would that mean to him and his children at this point? Not to mention that Otto is back as a hand, and I doubt Daemon would want to hang out with him again or even have his kids nearby. He may stay, of course, but for how long? His next exile? In comparison, Rhaenyra offers him everything he ever wanted. The comfort of a home. She. Someone who trusts him. Then a position to assist/defend Rhaenyra and their House. That's literally everything Daemon ever wanted.

There's also living in Dragonstone, the literal birthplace of House Targaryen, the last true remnant of ancient Valyria. Daemon, who doesn't seem to find his place anywhere, Valyria having disappeared, would undeniably feel at home there. Moreover, he sought refuge there in episode 2, instead of returning to the Vale, as Viserys had ordered him at the time. I am also convinced that in addition to living there, he would love to raise his children there. The fact is that when we find Daemon there in episode 8, 6 years later, the latter looks the happiest and most fulfilled we have seen so far.

Fifth :

When we find Baela years later in episode 8, she does not hesitate to write to her father to warn him of Vaemond's plans regarding the claim of Driftmark and the questioning of Luke's legitimacy. An indication that Daemon and Baela's relationship has not deteriorated over time despite the bad patch after Laena's death. If so, Baela could have written directly to Rhaenyra, since the matter was indeed about her son. That, or if Baela had simply had a bad relationship with her blended family in recent years (as some love to claim), well she could have simply not written to them at all, preferring to support the position of her grandmother Rhaenys, what she didn't do.

Also, I can't believe I need to spell this out, but just because Baela was taken as a ward by Rhaenys doesn't mean she didn't live in Dragonstone at all, never seeing Daemon again these years. (because yes, some believed it!) It is obvious that this one divided her time between Driftmark and Stone dragon with episode 8, or Baela returns precisely with Rhaenyra and Daemon after having solved the problem of succession of the Velaryon house, not to mention the heard and satisfied looks between Baela and Jace during the engagement announcement. It is fully seen/understood that the children have been spending time together for the past few years and know each other well, explaining their joyful prospect of engagement.

And no, Daemon accepting Baela as Rhaenys' ward is not an example of Daemon trying to get rid of his child. It's literally just respecting the wishes of Laena in episode 6 who just wanted her children to know Driftmark / their birthright. Baela being obviously the eldest of her daughters (apparently in the series instead of being twins?), it is therefore automatically her that Rhaenys chooses for a possible future change of succession that she hoped to see carried out with Corlys.

Sixth :

During dinner, Daemon also shows his approval and joy/satisfaction with the marriages between his daughters Baela and Rhaena, and his stepsons, Jace and Luke.

Note that he can rejoice in these unions as much in terms of politics as affections, one does not prevent the other. Besides Rhaenyra, the children themselves seem very happy and satisfied with this prospect, implying that the purely political aspect of these unions is to be thrown away.

So unless you think the worst of Daemon, I don't see why he in particular couldn't be genuinely happy in part for the union of his daughters and sons-in-law.

Don't forget that the children and Daemyra lived together for 6 years. Nothing tells us, or allows us to affirm, that Daemon and Rhaenyra were unaware that these unions would be appreciated by their children. If it is, they knew very well that the perspective would please them (it would be quite amusing by the way). Yes, it was Rhaenyra who proposed to Rhaenys, but it's highly unlikely that she hadn't discussed it with Daemon before. Not to mention that in view of Daemyra's liabilities with arranged marriages (I remind you that both thought it was the equivalent of being sold), it is therefore not impossible / improbable to think that they would seek in consequence to offer more pleasant unions to their children, in spite of the political aspect, which would not give them this negative impression.

Seventh :

There's this nifty and pretty scene, or Daemon, at baby Visenya's funeral, shortly after the knight swears he'll never have a child, looks up in one direction, and the camera pans to automatically on a specific part of the crowd, where Baela and Rhaena are.

Knowing the book, there's a certain symbolic power added to this scene (although I'm not sure the directors thought of it that way, let's not give them too much credit), besides the fact that Daemon had looked at his daughters in a moment of emotion.

As Daemon has just lost a baby, more specifically a girl, and as the kneeling knight swears never to have children, Daemon's eyes finally turn to Baela and Rhaena. It may seem innocuous at first glance, a simple pretty scene, but when you consider that after this event Daemon will indeed never have children again, well, yes, it is quite powerful.

Not only can this be seen as a subtle harbinger of the grim future ahead, but it also shows us that Daemon truly cares/cares for his daughters in his own way. Think about it, he just lost his last child, his only daughter with Rhaenyra, and look at the first ones he had, the ones that made him a father, while another man swears at his feet that he will never have children.

I will add that the deleted scene of Baela, which Ryan Condal also considers canon, shows Baela saying with force and pride that she is a dragon rider like her mother, her father, and her grandmother. Again, this indicates a good relationship between her and Daemon. There's no reason for her to quote him in her tirade any other way.

It is also wise to think that Baela would not have a very good relationship with her father, if the latter was really neglectful with Rhaena, or did not really care about her. We saw her in episode 7, Baela is protective of her sister. Ferociously. No reason to think that she would actually tolerate inappropriate behavior on her father's part towards Rhaena, besides having a good relationship with him.

Conclusion :

I will conclude by being very clear and honest. I don't appreciate the treatment the show has given to Daemon's relationship with his children, or with other characters.

But to exaggerate things by saying he's a bad dad on the show, doesn't love his daughters/don't care about her/ignores them, etc. is just plain wrong.

No I am not blind as some have already told me, or love to tell me again and again (me or others for that matter), in relation to the situation of Daemon and his daughters. I demonstrate logic and critical thinking. If the characters behave in a certain way or say certain things, it is for a reason that we must try to understand.

Except most people try to take all the nuance out, and make it negative or positive, which is stupid.

Daemon doesn't have a bad relationship with Baela on the show, and he certainly wasn't characterized as ignorant in Episode 6. That's a fact. The situation with Rhaena can be confusing and more complicated (unnecessarily thanks to the shitty scriptwriters, even if it would have been much more digestible if they hadn't cut so much), but through certain scenes we understand when even that Daemon cares for her, and incidentally for all her children. He's just not the most demonstrative person in the world, let alone the simplest. I just hope we finally get a real positive scene between Daemon and Rhaena in Season 2 to confirm/show that to a wider audience.

So for the thousandth time, yes Daemon love his children and care about them, his daughters included damn. And looking at the cut scenes, it's very clear that this parent/child relationship between Daemon and his daughters hasn't been played out in a fundamentally negative light at all, and therefore that's not what appears on our screens through the actors. You can't blame people for not seeing negative things that really don't even matter.

Claiming that Daemon neglects his daughters, doesn't love them, or even mistreats Rhaena is stupid, because nothing indicates it, whether from a scriptwriting or acting point of view.

Again, hopefully in Season 2 we get more scenes for Rhaena and (especially) Baela, individually, and with Daemon. The writers said Baela has "a great relationship with her father", and I'm still waiting to see him more directly. The series indicates a good relationship between the two for now, but I want to see more. Let me finally see the "worthy Daemon's daughter" in action. And obviously, that we give at least a positive scene to Rhaena and Daemon to finally show the spectators correctly that he loves his daughter, and this despite his stupid complex of not having a dragon.

Stop shitting on Daemon's paternity. He's a good dad in the book, and a flawed dad in the show. Facts. He's not a bad father just because he's not perfect. Want examples of real bad parents? Look at Otto, Alicent and Aegon II. See what the upbringing of the first two gave the Green children as proper individuals, unlike the upbringing Daemon gave his daughters/helped give with Laena, Rhaenyra & Rhaenys, and how they seem to be to this day well as people and psychologically speaking.

Well, that was my rant of the day.

[todomitoukei]

Japanese vs. English Todoroki - A 302 Comparison Pt. 2

With volume 31 coming out tomorrow, we now got these leaked panels that have been added to chapter 302 and will be included in the volume release. And because we’re all impatient, I decided to already do a translation for them and talk a bit about these panels. If you haven’t already, you can read my translation comparison for the whole chapter here, which I wrote after the chapter originally came out, so this is gonna serve as the continuation of it with only the new lines included and explained.

First of all, we get these panels:

「ねえ。今何が見えてるの。その目をやめて。その目をやめて。その目をやめて」

「ねえ ; nee 」-> hey

「今 ; ima 」-> now

「何 ; nani 」-> what

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「見えてる ; mieteru 」-> can see

「の ; no 」-> question marker particle seeking an explanation

「その ; sono 」-> that

「目 ; me 」-> look; stare; gaze

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「やめて ; yamete 」-> stop

= “Hey, what can you see? Stop that stare. Stop that stare. Stop that stare.”

This is an incredible addition - maybe Horikoshi read @transhawks meta on the importance of eyes in the Todoroki family and felt inspired to go back and add even more of that into the chapter.

I believe those panels will be included towards the end of the argument between Touya and Rei; at least considering the Touya panel is from that scene and would explain the panel that originally followed showing Rei, more importantly, her eyes -

These new panels seem to explain why seeing Touya stare at her intensely like that terrified her so much. It’s clearer now - although it should’ve been clear before already but obviously, Horikoshi knows his audience - that her near-mental-breakdown-expressions when looking at Touya or when looking at Shouto during the accident, are all triggered due to the abuse she was facing, with those eyes reminding her of Endeavor, her abuser. Again: No, she was not suffering due to the devil incarnate Touya, as some would like to claim. This is all the result of years of abuse and the stare is what triggers her fight or flight response the most.

Next, we get this part (picture on the left is the volume release; picture on the right the original version):

「私じゃ止められない」

「私 ; watashi 」-> I

「じゃ ; ja 」-> topic marker particle

「止められない ; tomerarenai 」-> cannot stop

= “I can’t stop.”

While Rei’s line is the same as before, referring to the fact that she can’t stop Touya from going training and holding on to his desire to become a hero, the panel is completely different. While before we only got a glance of her eye (as seen in the highlighted section in the right picture), which already showed us that she was crying and absolutely terrified - this time we see her whole face, which emphasizes that terrified feeling even further. What’s more important, though, is that Horikoshi added a panel and line for Endeavor right after:

「おまえがやれ！俺は見ない！！」

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker

「やれ ; yare 」-> to do (imperative form)

「俺 ; ore 」-> I

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「見ない ; minai 」-> won’t watch

= “You, do it! I won’t watch!!”

As simple of a line as this seems to be, I’ve been thinking about the meaning of it all day. First of all, it’s important to note that Japanese doesn’t exactly have a present tense, but rather a non-past tense (there is also a present progressive tense to indicate something happening/being done right now). The non-past tense can be used for the present and the future so minai can mean “don’t watch” or “won’t watch” depending on the context.

So I’ve been thinking - going back to the whole eye theme, we also have Touya say “watch me” over and over again, even now as Dabi, he continues to tell his family to watch him. He tells them because he doesn’t feel seen. Endeavor even told Rei (in the original version already) that she shouldn't take her eyes off Touya and that he hired someone to help out because he was too busy with work. Even when Rei told him that Touya just wants Endeavor to see him, Endeavor’s response to this is that he can only show him the world of heroes. With that in mind, this line now not only shows that he can't see him, but that he won't. That’s why he tells Rei “do it!” after she tells him she can’t stop Touya. Endeavor won’t allow her to give up. She has to do it because he won’t. He outright refuses to watch Touya despite being asked to on multiple occasions.

Moving on to the present and the family discussing their situation we get this small change here:

「。。。あなたは行かなかった」

「あなた ; anata 」-> you

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「行かなかった ; inakatta 」-> didn’t go

= “...you didn’t go.”

The only difference between this line then and now is that it leaves out そして (= and then) at the beginning of the phrase.

And finally, the change we all knew was coming is the timeline error that was in the original version of the chapter, where Rei was saying that Touya disappeared before she was hospitalized. As announced by the official bnha Twitter account shortly after the chapter first came out, the timeline as stated by Fuyumi in chapter 250 is the correct one. So now in the volume release, we get this line:

「私は病院に隔離されそして燈矢の事を聞いた。。。完全に心が壊れてしまった。。。」

「私 ; watashi 」-> I

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「病院 ; byouin 」-> hospital

「に ; ni 」-> at

「隔離され ; kakuri sare 」-> to be isolated

「そして ; soshite 」-> and then

「燈矢 ; touya 」-> Touya

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「事 ; koto 」-> incident

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「聞いた ; kiita 」-> heard

「完全に ; kanzen ni 」-> completely

「心 ; kokoro 」-> heart

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「壊れてしまった ; kowareteshimatta 」-> was regrettably broken (壊れる+しまう)

= “I was isolated at the hospital and heard about Touya’s incident… my heart broke completely.”

As mentioned before, a verb + shimau means either that something has happened completely or regrettably and since the word completely already appeared in the phrase it’s obvious that this is something regrettable (if it wasn’t obvious from the content of the phrase); showing that losing her son and not having been around him at the end really hurt and probably even made her blame herself for not having been able to save her own son.

And I’m assuming it will replace this highlighted panel:

Aside from getting the timeline error fixed, we get some additional panels and lines that highlight even further just how terrifying it was to live with Endeavor and that Rei’s breakdown was caused by him and not one of her kids. The state the family is in right now and the whole Dabi situation - all of that is a result of a selfish man who couldn’t even be bothered to look at his own child; whose own insecurities made his whole family suffer and continue to do so even now. It was the terror in his eyes and his inability to use those eyes to just see his kid that got them to where they are now, which additionally shows exactly what needs to be done to fix this mess: for them to finally see Touya.

[amjustagirl]

CHAPTER 2 - FALLEN

Fic Summary:

The sky Oikawa Tooru’s heart seeks is a world away from the earth yours is buried in. You are a fool to trust him with your heart anyway.

Where Oikawa Tooru tries to recapture your heart. 

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3

Pairing: Oikawa Tooru x fem! reader

Genre / Wordcount : Angst (7k words), cameo from MSBY 4

Warnings: One non-explicit bedroom scene.

Masterlist link here!

Tag list link here!

You catch sight of Oikawa Tooru as you bustle through the hospital’s sliding doors, your usual cup of coffee in your hand that you buy on the way to work. He’s seated in the waiting area next to a middle aged man you guess must be his manager, from the way he jumps to his feet immediately to act as a human shield as you call out breathlessly - 

“T - Oikawa? What are you doing here?” 

Tooru’s head swivels around to meet your gaze, and you’re shocked by the lifelessness in his eyes until you glance at the bandages wrapped around his swollen knee. 

Oh. 

You try not to stare, but you do so anyway. The sight of your ex-boyfriend makes you feel as if you’re seeing a ghost, a specter from some past life. You last saw him when he was twenty one, young and proud, wax wings fully spread, a speck in the skies. What a difference five years makes. His shoulders are still broad, and the tilt of his jaw is still proud, but the light in his eyes has faded to darkness, and the pallor of his skin suggests far too much time spent away from the sun. 

Icarus, Icarus. Your hubris has led you to such heights, but look how far you’ve fallen. 

It’s surprising there’s no news of his injury, considering he’s one third of Japan’s trifecta of setters in the volleyball scene’s monster generation. With the Olympics rapidly approaching with just over a year to go, an injury must be devastating, especially to Oikawa Tooru, with dreams of Olympic greatness and victory on his native shores. 

A nurse materialises to usher Oikawa away for surgery before he can respond to the pity in your gaze. You look around. He’s alone, save for his manager. No one deserves to be wake up alone after surgery, so you call after him - 

“I’ll check in on you after you’re done! Gambatte!”

He responds with a thumbs up and a weak smile. 

You flip through his medical files once you get the chance. 

Oikawa Tooru, twenty six. Pro-volleyball player for EJP Raijin previously, currently playing in the Argentinian league. Narrowly missed out on making the cut for the previous Olympics, but went on to represent Japan in the last three World Cups, alternating with Miya Atsumu and Kageyama Tobio. Obviously hoping for another shot at the Olympics, but that’s looking bleak from what you’re gleaning from his medical records. 

His right knee has always bothered him, even during his high school days. Now, a decade later, it looks like he’s managed to tear his tendon to shreds. 

Volleyball is a cruel, demanding mistress, especially for one not born a genius. 

The surgery to repair a torn knee ligament is delicate work, requiring an experienced surgeon, and the road to recovery requires extensive physiotherapy. It’s no wonder he’s resorted to the modern Tokyo hospital you work in rather than returning to his native Sendai to recuperate. The downside of doing so though, is that he’d have to recover alone. 

You wrinkle your nose. He may be your ex-boyfriend, but he doesn’t deserve that. 

The sun is setting when you finally find the time to slip into his room. 

As expected, he’s still asleep. The anesthetic will take some time to wear off. From the looks of the surgeon’s notes, the surgery was a success - though you know from the nature and extent of the injury that his road to recovery will be long and winding.   

So you seat yourself in the visitor’s chair with a hot cup of tea and an onigiri to stave off your hunger at not finding time for a break any earlier. You had an awful day at work today, two of your patients puked on you, another tried to fight you when you drew his blood, and the senior registrar in the ward assigned you a mountain of paperwork that you only just managed to complete, so you give in to sleep yourself as exhaustion settles into your bones.

“Princess?”  

You snap awake at the familiar nickname, ignoring the flush working its way up the back of your neck as you leap to his bedside to check his vitals, only relaxing when you’re satisfied everything’s fine. 

“You’re just waking up after a surgery, Oikawa”. When his forehead crinkles in confusion at the sound of his surname, you correct yourself. “I mean - Tooru”. The corners of his cracked lips tilt up in satisfaction. 

“Will you stay with me?” Tooru murmurs, eyelids beginning to droop again. 

You smile fondly despite yourself. “Do you want me to?” you ask. 

He manages to pout even as he’s falling back asleep. “I asked, didn’t I?” 

You smooth his hair from his forehead, slotting your hand into his. “Fine, fine. Go to bed, sleeping beauty”. 

He huffs an amused breath from his nose before he closes his eyes, contented. Trust Tooru to be shameless enough to cling on to his ex-girlfriend without a shred of awkwardness. You end up staying in his room for hours, watching him sleep.

The heart that you’ve locked away behind bars of bone and steel twitches, just once. 

You frown when the nurse catches your sleeve. “A patient’s looking for you” she says, just as you’re about to go off on a short break. 

“Who?” you reply, wondering whether it’s Sato-san who vomited this morning, or Imai-san whose blood pressure niggles at your mind. You do not expect the nurse to flush pink as she replies - “Oikawa-san”, describing the sweet young man with lovely brown eyes and such a charming voice. 

You slip back into his room when your shift ends. You expect to see a shadow of a man with broken wings, and you do catch a fleeting glimpse of Tooru staring wistfully out of the window, face tilted towards the sun before he turns to you with a wide smile and a pleased - “you came!”  

This is the Oikawa Tooru you are accustomed to dealing with. “Stop flirting with the nurses”, you tell him briskly, bustling over to look at his files. “They have jobs to do, don’t use them to carry messages to me.”

“But I’m boredddd.”

“I’m sure you have volleyball videos to watch.”

“I watched them all day today. ‘Sides, I watched all the matches on today already, twice – and I have plenty of time to watch them a third time. I have plenty of time to catch up with you, I haven’t seen you in so long!”

Five years since you broke up to be exact, but you sidestep that fact neatly, pouring over his medical file instead. His doctors’ notes indicate his recovery is promising. He brightens up when you tell him so, playfully complaining that hospital food is shit in a thinly veiled attempt to steal your food, a habit he’s clearly not outgrown. But you’re not all that hungry anyway, so you split your pork bun in half and hand it to him, dropping into the visitor’s chair. 

“So how’re you feeling?” 

“Like shit. My knee hurts so muchhhh.” 

You shrug, careless. “That’s pretty expected, to be honest.”

“Hmph. I thought they’d have taught you some bedside manners in medical school”, he snipes, though the effect is rather lost when his cheeks are comically round and full of food. 

You laugh, the stress from your day lifting from your shoulders.  

“I seem to forget them when it’s you.”

“So mean”, he pouts, hiding the familiar gleam in his eye that appears whenever he’s trying to analyse his opponents, take them apart. “As punishment, tell me about yourself. What have you been up to these days?” 

You decide to treat him like any old friend, giving him the condensed run down of your professional life,  how you’ve graduated from medical school (with top marks I bet, he interjects), how you chose to stay in Tokyo instead of returning to Sendai (your parents must miss you he says, and you brush him off with an airy they have other children, they’ll survive), how you chose to work in this hospital because you’re considering a specialisation in Orthopedic surgery (because of your grandma, I bet, he says, and you choose not to correct that, using your silence as a lie).  

He in turn tells you about the highlights of his career, how he’s spent a year at EJP Raijin before he was headhunted to the Argentinian league, how he spent four years overseas save for summers back in Japan to train with the national team, how he’s hopeful, even now, of recovering and fighting for his spot on the Olympic roster next year. 

You already knew all of that from news alerts on your phone you never forced yourself to delete, diverting him instead with a question about life in Argentina, nodding as he reminisces about his apartment in San Juan where he gets to watch the sun set over the Andes mountains, the kitchen that he stuffed full of Japanese groceries like daishi and mirin and sake and miso in his first year there just so he has a tangible reminder of home. 

You stop yourself from wondering whether he thinks about the little home he shared with you with such fondness. That time has passed. 

His voice wavers as he spins you stories about his teammates - Matteo, whose family owns a vineyard and taught him to appreciate wine like a proper Argentinian, Miguel, who makes the best empanadas and gets roaring drunk every time they win a match, Gabriel, who takes him to his family’s home in the mountains every other weekend because his grandmother is convinced that a single young man without family in the city will starve if he’s left to his own devices. 

It seems his wings were durable enough for him to soar across the oceans, his grit and determination the foundation of the new life he’s built, whole continents away. 

“It’s funny how the world works”, you remark off hand. “I never expected to see you again.”

His eyes gleam again. “The universe seems to work in funny ways.” 

You start spending breaks in his room, scarfing down your lunch and dinner while he talks your ear off about the horrible sitcoms or ridiculous game shows he’s watched today. You catch him watching a video of Kageyama’s serves and you’re amused when he practically hisses when you comment idly that his kouhai has certainly improved since his high school days. 

You ignore his spluttered protests that service records aren’t everything and besides, his own spike serves have definitely won Japan a game or two last year until, with the air of a boy king, he commands you to sit next to him on the hospital bed so he can pull up a compilation of his serves and his best moments. 

Years might have passed, but you’re still hopeless at refusing him. Besides, isn’t it better that you distract him from the sorry state of his knee? So you do as he says, ignoring the faint flutter of your traitorous heart as he leans into your side. 

“See? I told you my spike serves are amazing?”

“Yes, yes. I already knew that. I watched so many of your practices in university, remember?”

He looks at you strangely. “Did you?” he asks, leaning his head on his hand, eyes boring into yours. 

You think of evenings spent sitting on the bleachers, homework in your lap as you watch as the boy you love builds the strength in his wax wings in preparation for his eventual flight. “Yes”, you admit, sheets rustling as you shift away from him, avoiding his perplexed frown. “You were probably too focused on practice to notice.”

You already know you shouldn’t spend so much time in his room, but you’ve spent most of your life doing what you should instead of what you want to so just this once, you ignore rational thought in favour of sentiment.

After all, he’ll be discharged from hospital in a week, then you’ll never see him again. 

Tooru promptly proves you wrong the day before he’s scheduled to be discharged. 

“I need someone to help me move into my apartment.”

“Hire a mover”, you tell him. You don’t even look up from your notes. 

“Already did”, he chirps, undaunted by your apparent disinterest. “But it’d be nice to have a friend who I know will be nice enough to help poor old crippled me put my stuff away.” Then he grins cheekily, “plus I checked with that pretty nurse – Yuna-san was it? Anyway, she told me you’re off tomorrow, so you might as well spend the day with me.”

There goes your excuse to wriggle out of having to spend your rare day off with your ex. 

“I have a mountain of sleep debt to pay off”, you protest, but faced with wide brown eyes and an embarrassing wobble of his lip, you comply. Still, you manage to get the promise of a free dinner out of him, so you suppose it’ll do.

Tooru doesn’t have much to unpack, a couple of cardboard boxes of clothes and books, probably because most of his belongings are still in Argentina. He laughs and raises his hands in an attempt to placate you when you lift an eyebrow, first at the lack of kitchen equipment in his furnished apartment, second at the weights and volleyball he tries to smuggle in behind your back. 

“You’re not supposed to exercise for at least a month or two”, you cluck your tongue, sighing with disapproval at the furtive look he casts at the volleyball sitting at the corner of his living room.

“I can set while sitting on a stool! Don’t scold me, my heart can’t bear it”. He throws a hand across his face, brow creased dramatically. 

Icarus, Icarus. You’ve already fallen once. Will you seek out the sun again? 

A string of familiarity loops into a knot over your heart. If you close your eyes and count to ten, you can imagine that you’re eighteen again, chiding the boy you love for practicing too hard. But you’re twenty six now, a full fledged adult who should know better than to dabble in sentiment again (especially when it comes to brown eyed boys who only dream of the sun), so you slash through the threads connecting you to him with a flash of your teeth, bury your beating heart deeper into the dungeon you’ve built years ago of white bone and solid steel.  

“Do what you want, but your neighbours will hate you if you keep thumping that damn ball against the wall.” You say, simply, dismissively. 

“No one could ever hate me”, he declares with bravado. “I’ll charm them all with my charm and good looks.”

“Ridiculous”, you huff, dumping the last of his clothing into the cupboard. “Where’s the dinner you promised? I want ramen and gyoza at least.”

“So demanding”, he lilts. “I’ll order in. Tonkatsu ramen with char siu, bamboo shoots, extra spring onions with gyoza on the side?” 

Your heart struggles against its shackles. He still remembers your order.  

“Yes”, you finally say. “You got that right.”

He grins at you cheekily, as if to say of course. 

After you gulp down your ramen, devour your gyozas, you pack up, ready to leave. You have an early shift tomorrow, and you’re already dreaming about your soft bed whilst dreading the cup of coffee you’ll have to down tomorrow morning just to stay awake. 

He catches your wrist, presses the spare key to the apartment into your hand.  “Come back. I want to see you again”, he says, an order and not a plea. 

You are about to make up an excuse, tell him anything but the truth that you suspect it’s bad for your heart to keep seeing him again. 

“Please” - he adds with a tint of fragility to his voice. 

“I’ll be back when I can”, you finally say. 

“Tomorrow?” he looks up at you with hopeful eyes. 

“We’ll see”, you pry your hand loose from his grasp, slip out the front door. 

You stay away for two days, citing your work schedule as an excuse until he wears you down with a barrage of cutesy line stickers aimed at driving home how lonely he is and how much he misses your presence. You’re being dramatic as usual, you text him dryly, but you turn up anyway at his apartment on a Friday night, letting yourself in with an armful of reports and a bucket of oden. 

“How’re you doing? Are you listening to your physiotherapist? Eating properly? Sleeping well?”

“You sound like my mother”, he grouses, rolling his wheelchair to the dining table. 

You flick at his forehead, he slumps back in his wheelchair.  “Stop bullying the cripple’, he wheezes through his chortle. 

“You deserve it”, you retort. “Don’t run away from the question. How’re you feeling?”

“It still hurts”, he admits with a mock sniff. “It should stop hurting by nowwww.”

You push your glasses up the bridge of your nose. “That’s to be expected. Your sinews just got stitched together two weeks ago. Not sure why you’d expect any less.”

“Bah, rude. At least you didn’t say I told you so”, he grumbles, spooning oden into his mouth. “That would be insufferable.”

“Well, maybe you’ll listen to me now that I’m actually a doctor”, you inform him pertly, batting away memories of a teenage boy with hazel eyes shouting indignantly at you after practice in the Seijoh gym.

Tooru snorts. “I can’t believe my eighteen year old self was dumb enough to open my future self up to a jab like that”, he complains, chewing on a cabbage roll grumpily. 

“We’re all dumb at eighteen”, you remark. “You’re no exception.” 

“You were dumb enough to date me”, he teases with a mocking smile.  

Your spoon slips from your hand momentarily. It’s the first time he’s alluded to your past relationship. 

“I was, wasn’t I”, you say lightly, before turning the conversation to Tooru’s physiotherapy sessions. 

You have no wish to delve back into the past, but you’re willing to be his friend since he seems to need one for now.  

Tooru’s knee recovers enough for him to shift from his wheelchair to crutches, which he points at you playfully, mimicking a gun every time you pop by for a visit. He seems to plan his physiotherapy session around your schedule, just so he can wheedle you into paying him yet another visit when your shift at the hospital end, bribing you with a cup of coffee with a hint of chocolate from the café across the street that you’ve never found the time to visit. 

“Thank you, kind sir”, you say, accepting the coffee with a laugh. 

“You’re welcome, my lady”, he answers with a smirk, motioning you to follow him for yet another evening to be spent in his home sitting across him, red ink smeared on your hands as you mark up the reports in your lap. 

His façade that he’s coping with his injury just fine slips every so often. You catch him more often than not watching compilation videos of Kageyama and Atsumu at the World Cup this year with a strained expression on his face, or resting his chin on the windowsill whilst staring wistfully at the birds in the sky. 

He does not confide about his worries to you. You’re not sure you want him to. 

But you can’t explain to yourself the impulse to purchase a bird feeder for his balcony, nor the glow-in-the-dark poster of the constellations that you cart into his bedroom until your heart has to scramble for equilibrium when he thanks you, his smile soft. 

“In exchange for all the coffee you’ve bought me”, you reply, turning away to hide all evidence of your heart’s betrayal, the diffusion of blood in your cheeks.  

A month passes. Then another. 

The crutches get kept in the storeroom. A limp remains, but the degree which his knee can bend increases by the day. His mood improves even further, and you constantly find yourself swerving to avoid his affectionate gazes, his attempts at flirtation. 

“You’re looking so pretty today!” he lilts, fitting his arm snugly into the crook of your elbow as you walk down the neon lit streets of Tokyo. He insisted on this outing, and in the custom of your rekindled friendship, managed to convince you to accompany him on your off day so he can get crepes from Harajuku notwithstanding the fact that it takes forty five minutes on the train and his knee still acts up from time to time.  

“It’s my first time downtown in a month”, you tell him. “Of course I’m going to dress up.” You don’t tell him you spent far too long in front of your closet, tossing outfits on your bed until you found one that complements you just right. 

He buys you trinkets, hair accessories that you’ll never wear, tries to win you ridiculous stuffed toys from the claw machine. 

“You’re wasting money”, you scold, wiping the whipped cream from his mouth. 

“It’s not a waste if it’s for you”, he tells you, with startling sincerity that you still doubt.

He doesn’t mean it, you tell yourself. It’s just Tooru being Tooru. 

You refuse to admit what’s staring you in the face until you have to duck your head to avoid his attempt at pressing his lips to your cheek. 

“Goodnight, Tooru”, you manage to say before you bolt off into the night. You check to make sure your heart is still under lock and key. 

It is, but it beats resentfully. Tooru, it beats against its bars with frightening intensity. Tooru. Tooru.  

You ignore it. You know what’s best for it.

You stay away from him for a fortnight, requesting for a change in your schedule without updating him, taking the other exit from the hospital so you don’t have to see him. You stay away until he manages to wear you down yet again, texting you the most ridiculous conspiracy theories about your absence from his life – you must be abducted by aliens, he texts you once, or your mother forced you to marry some stranger, I can break you out if you just say the word. 

He has a guest, you hear another voice, deeper, filled with gravel and intensity, so different from Tooru’s lighter lilt. You do not mean to eavesdrop, but you don’t want to interrupt Tooru when he has a rare guest over, and there’s nowhere else for you wait save for the dusty front step, so you settle yourself in, pen poised to continue your work. 

“What did the doctor say? When are you coming back for practice?” 

“I’m doing good! The physiotherapist thinks I can try light exercise next week. If all goes well, I’ll be back to practice in a month.”

“Sounds promising.”

“I had a good medical team. And I’m actually resting properly!”

“Shittykawa. Stop sounding so proud about doing what’s necessary for your recovery.”

“Iwa-channnn, stop being mean to meeee!”

Ah, Iwaizumi, of course. You haven’t seen him in years, but you remember him from school, a stoic boy with a good heart. You wonder if he’s changed. 

“Are you planning on heading back to Argentina?”

Tooru answers without hesitation. “Of course”, he says airily. “As long as they take me back.”

Your foolish heart shudders with disappointment. Of course. If you run your fingers down his spine, you’ll probably find blooms of wax attached to his very bone. 

You are about to stand up and leave when Tooru speaks up again. 

“But I’m going to enjoy my time in Japan while I’m back. Did I tell you I reconnected with my ex? She’s great, it feels like I never left.”

The firestorm of blood in your ears nearly drowns out Iwaizumi’s growled ‘piece of shit’ (he truly hasn’t changed after all), the clatter of glassware as Tooru protests that he’s not playing with your heart, he truly cares about you, his sullen silence when Iwaizumi demands what’s going to happen when he leaves Japan for Argentina, when he inevitably leaves you behind (yet again).   

Of course. 

You know his heart longs for the sky. There is no space for you. 

You barely have time to react when the door swings open, Iwaizumi on the verge of storming out. You plaster a smile to your face that does not fool him, but you hang on to it nonetheless, cracks appearing only when he gives you a wide eyed look of sympathy that only pours oil onto the flaming war between your brain and your heart. 

“It’s fine”, you say, and though he clearly does not believe you, he bows and leaves anyway. 

Tooru stares at you, mouth open, stumbling over himself with apologies and demands for you to tell him what you’ve overheard, but you motion for him to just stop with your hand, wave aside his protest that he means what he said, he truly likes you.  

Your heart screeches in delight, but your mind is firmly in the driver’s seat. 

“Let’s just pretend I never heard you say that, and we can continue just as before.”

“As friends?” he says, twisting his lips as if the words taste sour in his mouth. He clutches at your shoulders.

“I want more. I want you.”

Your heart thrums in agreement, but you recall assembling the remains of your heart back into your chest whilst kneeling on the cold bathroom floor half a decade ago. The span of five years should have molded you to view your shared past with pragmatism, but your heart seems to have forgotten its lesson. You shake your head.

“There’s no way you truly want me. I don’t think you’ve only ever had space in your heart for anything but your goals.” 

Your response emerges more bitter than you intend. 

“That’s not true”, he weakly protests. “I care about you.”

Not enough, you refrain from telling him. “Let’s remain friends”, you do say, and he opens his mouth to object again, but at the hard look you give him, he slumps back with a defeated nod.

He tries to respect your decision, never complaining when you keep a careful arm’s length distance from him, though you can feel his heated gaze on you whenever he thinks you won’t notice, hear his quiet sighs whenever you shy away from any accidental touch. He droops when you turn down his invite for lunch with his family when they come down for a visit, citing work even though he knows you’re off for the day. 

Still, it’s manageable and he says he needs you, so you return for visits, at least twice weekly, offering encouraging smiles and friendly words when he returns first to light exercise, then to rehabilitative practice a month later, just as he predicted. 

He carves out time for dinners with you, taking care to ask about your day, preferring to spin you stories about the pigeons and doves and crows crowding his balcony rather than talking about volleyball or his practice. He insists on escorting you to his apartment after work when you allow him to, offering you his arm with a soft smile that disarms you, dissolves any resistance. 

It’s an uneasy equilibrium, but it’ll suffice. 

The careful balance you’ve maintained in the space between you and Tooru is shattered when you find you’re not the only one who’s decided to pay him a surprise visit on a Friday night. 

“Tooru, ya didn’t say ya got yerself a pretty girl during yer break”, a man with bleach blonde hair wolf whistles appreciatively when you step into the apartment. 

“I’m just a friend”, you reply confusedly before Tooru’s shout “Shove off, Miya” confirms that one Miya Atsumu has decided to invade Tooru’s apartment. Well, him and what seems like half the MSBY team, with Hinata Shoyo, Bokuto Koutaro and Sakusa Kiyoomi squashed uncomfortably on Tooru’s tiny sofa, long legs stretched across the living room. 

It turns out the MSBY team just finished a game in Tokyo, and Hinata dragged his teammates to visit Tooru in a wholesome bid to cheer him up. You try to excuse yourself after exchanging nods with Sakusa (he hasn’t changed much from his university days) when Miya Atsumu blocks your retreat with a drawled invite for Izakaya and the promise of karaoke after. 

Tooru mouths playfully at you don’t leave me alone with these clowns (you’re tempted to point out that he’s very much one himself), and before you can even blink, you find yourself dragged along to the nearest Izakaya, impressed by the amount of food each man polishes off - skewers of chicken hearts and cartilage, bowls of potato salad and rice with braised pork belly, listening to stories of their exploits on the national team together, stumbling into the karaoke bar tipsy from the beers that Miya Atsumu pressed into your hand, head heavy enough to allow him to wind an arm around your waist. 

“She’s too old for you, ‘Tsumu-kun”, Tooru trills, inserting himself in between you and Atsumu, mouth taut with aggravation. 

“I’m not old, just a year older”, you roll your eyes, as the blonde setter backs away, lips turned up in amusement. Tooru is not placated, muttering how the younger setter is a douche and a sleeze bag as he drapes his jacket over you like a blanket. You nestle against his side, head on his shoulder as his arm rests protectively around you. 

Atsumu watches this with raised eyebrows, whistling slowly, opening his mouth to remark that he’s never seen Oikawa so smitten before when Hinata interrupts with a chirped  “‘Tsum-Tsum, join me!”, handing him a microphone while bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

Karaoke is the most fun you’ve had in ages. Hinata and Bokuto and Atsumu sing all their favourite anime theme songs with gusto - Atsumu even gets misty eyed when he croons Sparkle by Radwimps, reddening when everyone teases him for being a romantic sap, Bokuto shaking his hips to Western pop hits, Hinata showing off his Spanish skills. Sakusa refuses to even touch the microphone but you suppose it’s a win that he’s even in the karaoke booth with all of you. 

Tooru slaps away Atsumu’s attempts at handing you any further alcohol, forcing you to down cups of water until you are no longer glassy eyed, but still tipsy enough to agree to sing ridiculous K-On songs with Hintata and Bokuto, not stopping even when Tooru whips out his phone to video the entire performance with an indulgent smile. 

“Delete it!” you squeal, losing your balance when you try swiping the phone out of his hands, tripping into his lap instead.  

“In your dreams, princess”, Tooru chuckles, his arms snaking around you like a vise. 

“Anndd that’s our cue to call it a night”, Atsumu quips, herding Hinata and Bokuto out onto the street, Sakusa heaving an audible sigh of relief. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, kids!” he calls over his shoulder, throwing you a wink. 

“I’m technically his senpai, cheeky brat”, Tooru mutters, the irritation in his voice washing away as you giggle. “C’mon, it’s too late for you to get home and my place is nearer to the hospital so you might as well stay over tonight. You can take the bed, I’ll take the sofa.”

You shake your head, arguing that you couldn’t possibly turn an invalid like him out of his bed but he huffs at the insinuation that he’s anything but well, his knee almost whole again. You give in after he convinces you that it’d be more inconvenient for him to escort you all the way to your own home rather than put you up for the night, and you allow him to loop his arm around yours and lead you back to his apartment. 

It’s not the first time you’ve been in his apartment this late, not by a long shot, but it is the first time you’re over with the intention of staying over. The t-shirt you borrow from Tooru hangs off your frame, the scent of the fabric softener Tooru uses is familiar. You would’ve preferred being tipsier to dull your senses, but alcohol would only impair your logic, allow your heart to prevail, so you try to quell the thrumming of your blood in your veins by curling up on a seat by the window with a cup of tea when Tooru emerges from his shower. 

“Ready for bed?” he asks, towelling off his hair, frowning when you shake your head. “It’s late, you have work tomorrow, even if it’s the afternoon shift.”

“It’s fine”, you say without turning your head to face him. “Go to bed, I’ll take the couch.”

“I’m insulted, princess. What kind of a man d’you think I am to make his guest sleep on the couch? ”

It’s less dangerous to ignore him, so you pay him no mind, choosing instead to lean your chin in your hand and look up towards the night sky. It soothes you, the moon an old friend, reminding of five years’ worth of quiet nights spent in your own flat, filtering your younger self into adulthood. 

“What’re you looking at?” He takes a step forward, kneels down next to you. 

“The moon and the stars”, you say dreamily. “They’re pretty tonight.”

A myriad of weather conditions must coincide to allow the stars to even be visible in the polluted Tokyo night sky, but tonight of all nights fate intervenes, the stars align. The sky is cloudless, the full moon hangs heavy, the stars shimmer and dance.  

“Are they?” Tooru whispers. “I haven’t noticed.”

You finally turn to look at him. “Why’re you staring at me?” 

The unconscious echo of your past - a boy and a girl, falling in love under the same night sky makes his mouth twist wistfully, eyes faded gold.

“Because you are my sun, my moon and my stars. I love you better than anything in the sky.”

Your mouth falls open, your heart suddenly roaring, pounding against its restraints. 

“You can’t mean that”, you whisper. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“I do”, he says, with heartbreaking sincerity. “And I always will.”

Nostalgia, aided by the lingering alcohol in your veins opens the gate to your foolish heart. You want to pretend that you are eighteen again, without a care in the world, indulging in the warmth of his hand on the small of your back, the caress of his breath on your cheek. Your lips beckon his, swallowing the catch of his breath when your hands slide under his shirt. 

“Are you sure about this?” His eyes are hungry, almost ravenous, but his hands still hover at the hem of your top. 

“Yes”, you murmur, pressing open mouthed kisses to the column of his neck. “Please, Tooru - please.” 

He carries you into the bedroom, undresses you with shaking hands, chanting your name with reverence, almost a prayer. His eyes darken with desperation and need, unwilling to allow himself any release until you fall apart boneless, caged in his arms.�� 

“Stay with me”, he murmurs, after you’ve both cleaned up a second time, tugging you into bed. 

It’s laughable. Five years on, Oikawa Tooru still has the power to make your mind lose all reason (however temporarily). With a single heated look, he commands your heart to break willingly in his hands. How could you not have learnt your lesson? The conversation between him and Iwaizumi merely confirms what you’ve known all this while.

(The sky his heart seeks is a world away from the earth yours is buried in)

Even now, you can see the glimmer of golden wax feathers budding along his spine, gleaming under the pale moonlight. 

You lie under the covers until his breath evens out, then you stumble out of bed. You force your heart to relinquish the keys to its freedom, handing it back to logic and rationality, pulling on your clothing, folding your borrowed clothing aside.  

Tooru mumbles your name, his hand outstretched towards you. “Come back”, he says in his sleep, fragility tinting the edges of his words. 

Your fingers miss the doorknob by an inch. You dash your foolish hopes against the darkness of the room, put on your resolve like armour, leave your spare key on the kitchen counter. 

Without looking back, you slip out into the night. 

​

[sirenascales]

-> double black [part three] 18+

-> Chuuya x 1stPOV!F!Reader x Dazai

-> Who knew getting fired from work could lead to this?

-> Content: SMUT, slight angst, violence, murder, swearing

A man is murdered and things get interesting as the investigation starts. [Chuuya x 1stPOV!F!Reader x Dazai]

2,981 words

note: no smut in this one hehe, but things are gonna get fun. enjoy!

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Final || masterlist

"Hey... are you okay?" Kenji asked me a few days later, noticing the scowl on my face and realizing that I had been tapping my nail on my desk repeatedly for the last fifteen minutes. "You seem... pissed?"

I grunted, closing my eyes and slowly taking a deep breath. "I'm okay, Kenji. Just having a bad day." The others shared looks with each other, but chose not to pry. The frown on my face never left, my fists clenched as my blood continued to boil.

Then that all went away, when I felt a gentle hand against the back of my neck. I looked over at Dazai, who had lazily rolled himself in his chair over to me. He grinned. "I could see the steam coming from your ears!"

His hand never left my neck, moving until his fingers loosely wrapped around the column of my throat. Strangely enough, my anger had completely gone away when he touched me, and it felt nice to finally breathe. "With the day I'm having..." I sighed, the whole world seemingly melting away, Dazai's thumb stroking along my jaw.

Kunikida was clearly unimpressed, the man gritting his teeth. Atsushi looked shocked, his face tinged red while Ranpo and Kenji just touched their own necks gently.

"Does she like to get choked?"

"Who knows, man."

"Hey, I know what will make you feel better," Dazai suggested and I tilted my head, waiting for him to continue. He leaned in and would have kissed me if it weren't for a book smacking right into the side of Dazai's head.

"Do that on your own time! We have a schedule!" Kunikida fumed while I quickly turned around to cover my face, simply to muffle down my obnoxious laughter.

"Oh, dude!"

"Kunikida! What was that for!"

"Public indecency!"

Dazai rubbed his head, whining from the pain while I just giggled behind my hands. Dazai almost looked betrayed at me laughing at him and I just shrugged my shoulders. "Hey, that's what you get for trying to play grab ass."

I purposely ignored Dazai's pouty face for the rest of the day, the man clearly upset that he didn't get to kiss me. I shook my head, glaring at him from across the office while threateningly pointing my pen at him.

"Work, dammit."

"I don't wanna! Bella, don't be so mean!"

I fixed him another glare before going back to my work, finishing up the final report for the last case we were on. After going through and making sure it was perfect, I saved and emailed it to the President, just as the door to the office slammed opened.

"He's gone!"

"Keiko?! What the he- Keiko, what's wrong?"

I stood up from my desk, my best friend standing before me in a frazzled state. She looked extremely distressed, tears falling down her face. I rushed to her, the woman collapsing into my arms as we both fell to our knees.

"He's gone!" she exclaimed before she started to sob into my chest. "He's gone! He's gone! He's gone!"

"Keiko..." I looked up at the others with wide eyes, them looking on with alarm. I turned back to Keiko, rubbing on her back as she continued to sob.

Taichi was killed. He was found in an alleyway with multiple stab wounds. Keiko had received a call from the police after his identity was discovered, the detectives revealing the tragic news to her.

"I'm so sorry, Keiko..." I said to her softly, sitting with her in one of the small areas of the office, separated by simple dividers. "... how the hell did this happen? We just saw him last night when he dropped you off at my place..."

Keiko had finished crying, but the terrible sadness in her eyes was a clear indication of how devastated she was. I clenched my fists, feeling my anger from earlier building up again.

"I'm going to have to make my statement," Keiko said softly, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Do you want me to go with you to the station?" I asked and she shook her head.

"No... it's okay..."

"The thing is, you are also one of the last people to see him alive," Kunikida spoke up, standing by with Dazai and Atsushi. "You'll have to give your account too..."

Sighing deeply, I absentmindedly reached under my skirt, pausing when I didn't feel my knife against my thigh where it usually was. I gritted my teeth, shaking my head to myself before I went back to rubbing on Keiko's back in an attempt to comfort her.

Soon, Keiko and I left the Agency and headed on over to the police station. We gave our accounts of the night before when we last saw Taichi, us talking separately with a different agent.

"Now you know, Mr. Kamiya was in the Port Mafia," the agent said and I nodded. "And they have quite a bit of history with your little organization."

I didn't like the condescending tone in his voice, but I kept my cool. "Of course, but none of us have anything to do with this man's murder, and you have no evidence proving otherwise."

He just rolled his eyes at me. "Well, this is all we need. You're free to go."

I nodded before quietly making my way out of the interview room. I met with Keiko, who looked like she had been crying again and I pulled her into a comforting hug. "It's okay. This will be over soon."

Later on, I found myself back at the Agency, Keiko choosing to go home, despite my protests. My head was buried in my arms, not moving as I felt someone put their hand on my head, lightly scratching my scalp.

"Looks like the police will keep on investigating Taichi's murder," Dazai said and I peeked one eye out to find him leaning against my desk. "Thing is, I'm sure the Port Mafia will also be conducting their own investigation. Ohh, this is gonna get interesting~"

"So is it better if we stay out of this, then?" I asked, sitting up in my chair. "I mean, unless we're asked... we don't have to touch this."

Dazai regarded me for a moment, a mysterious smile growing on his face before he just threw his hands up nonchalantly. "I get it, you were friends with the guy."

"Not really," I corrected him immediately. "Keiko is my friend."

"Ohhhhh," Dazai just hummed, tapping his forefinger on his chin. "Well anywho, the police are gonna have their hands full if the Port Mafia really gets involved! It wouldn't hurt to help, right?"

I hesitated, a small smile soon growing on my face as I nodded. "Sure. Let's start tomorrow."

"How about tonight instead?!" Dazai asked with a cheerful smile while I just glared at him angrily, the two of us now standing in the middle of the crime scene.

"Why do I even bother believing a word you say?" I hissed at him, attempting to kick the man but he quickly side stepped me. I gritted my teeth. "Ugh, plus it's already dark, Dazai. It's gonna be harder to find any evidence." Indeed, the only light we were getting was from the full moon up ahead, and the shitty lights above the side door of one of the buildings. "Are we even allowed to be here?"

Dazai simply nodded his head. "Of course, we were assigned to this case, afterall."

"... you told me the police were keeping it," I said, eyebrows twitching in annoyance. Was he serious?!

Dazai just smiled and threw his hands up. "Guess I was mistaken," he hummed and I sighed deeply, rubbing my temples.

"Okay so... what now?" I asked, finally looking around the crime scene. It was obviously taped off and Taichi's body was removed. All there was left was a giant stain of blood, which I now looked at with a worried face.

"Just by the nature of the crime alone, we can easily say it was a crime of passion. If this was a local gang or rival, he would have been shot, or even jumped and beaten to death. Official word is, he was stabbed over sixty times," Dazai explained, standing beside me and staring at the blood. "There is no sign of the murder weapon, no other physical evidence besides Taichi's dead body and blood. We'll have to wait for forensics to give us their final word, but I can tell... this might not be so easy to crack."

I nodded solemnly, my fists clenched tightly.

"Or... will it?"

I took in a deep breath before turning and sending Dazai a sheepish smile. "Well, we got our work cut out for us, huh."

Dazai chuckled softly. "Yeah, but that's what makes it fun."

"So Dazai," I started, crossing my arms over my chest. "I have a question."

"I may have an answer."

"Have you ever killed anyone before?"

Silence followed after my question and I turned to look at the man. His hands were in his pockets, a weird smile on his face. "I have. Quite a few."

For some reason, the answer didn't shock me as much as it probably should. "How do you sleep at night?"

More silence, before Dazai stood before me. I looked up at him, heart thudding when I saw that same dim look in his eyes. His lips curled up and he leaned in, making me hold my breath as he whispered.

"Like a baby."

My breath hitched in my throat, eyes going wide. I licked my lips nervously, nodding my head slowly. "I see..." Just... wow.

"You know, I could have gone without seeing your ugly face, Dazai."

A look of distaste grew on Dazai's face as the newcomer came sauntering up to us. He wore black, a familiar hat resting upon a familiar head of red hair. Blue eyes stared daggers into my coworker, mouth curled into a displeased snarl.

"Ah, Chuuya! It is a small world, after all," Dazai sang, the glare in his eyes not meeting the jovial tone of his voice.

Chuuya scoffed. "I thought you'd be fucking dead by now, but of course, you always love to piss me off."

"'Cause it's so much fun!"

The two men clearly didn't like each other, but that was the least of my concerns. All I could do was stare at Chuuya in shock. Of course, Taichi was one of his subordinates, he would want to find out who his killer was and get retribution. That was just how the Port Mafia worked.

I gulped, carefully trying to back away from the two. They could stand there and bicker with each other all they want. I had to get out of here before-

"Oh wait, meet my new friend!" Dazai wrapped his arm around my neck, wrestling me to his side effortlessly as I tried to break free. He knew I was trying to escape and made sure that didn't happen.

"Hey, let me go!" I hissed, not pleased with being pulled into a damn chokehold.

"Not until you meet my old friend!"

Chuuya growled. "We're not friends, damn traitor!"

Traitor? I grew confused, eyebrows pinched even as I fought against Dazai's hold. Chuuya narrowed his eyes when he finally got a good look at me.

"Hey... do I know you?"

Crap. "Uh..." I laughed sheepishly, Dazai now confused as he looked back and forth between the two of us.

"You know each other?"

"W-well..."

"We met a few months ago," Chuuya spoke up, his eyes widening in realization before his eyes narrowed and he snarled.  "Knew you couldn't be trusted."

"Wait!" I exclaimed, making it out of Dazai's hold and holding my hands up to Chuuya. "I swear... I didn't even know about the ADA when we met. It was just as I said that night, I lost my job and was there to drink my pain away."

"Tch," Chuuya sounded, his eyes still narrowed. "And now you work with this traitorous bastard. Lucky you."

There was that word again.

"What do you mean by traitor?" I asked, at the same time Dazai spoke up.

"How the hell do you two know each other?"

Chuuya scoffed. "I fucked her."

I squeaked, Dazai's eyebrows raising.

"Interesting. I'm fucking her too."

I squeaked again, waving my hands wildly before either man could respond. "D-don't we have a murder to solve, huh?!"

It fell on deaf ears, the two men staring each other down, all before their eyes were on me and my trembling form.

"You know... I feel like we've been here before, Chuuya."

Said man snorted. "When you fucked my girls?"

"Like you haven't fucked mine?"

Okay, now I was confused. "Um... I don't understand..."

"Oh yeah!" Dazai exclaimed a bit too cheerfully, putting a hand on Chuuya's shoulder, earning a withering glare. "Chuuya and I go way back. Were the best of friends."

"No we weren't."

"We were partners! The best there was!"

"... tch."

Partners? What the hell did Dazai mean by partners? I looked between the two men, lips formed in a thin line. Then, the answer struck and my mouth fell open in shock. There was no fucking way... Dazai? I swallowed thickly, shaking my head for this was not the time or place to be thinking about this.

"Okay... I can only imagine just how deep this shit goes," I started, the men looking at me curiously. "But we have a murder to solve. Whatever... this," I gestured my hand between the two of them. "Is... it can wait. Y'all can make out or whatever later."

That was my attempt at breaking whatever tension there was, but I was the only one cackling when Dazai and Chuuya immediately protested.

"I will kill you!"

"That is not funny, bella!"

"Ugggh, I don't have the time for this. I should have known that the ADA would be investigating this, and that just pisses me off. You two should just stay out of my way," Chuuya said, hands in his coat pocket. "Though you... word is that you were one of the lasts who saw Taichi alive."

My heart dropped when Chuuya looked at me and I frowned. "And I told the police that I saw him when he dropped Keiko off at my apartment. There are cameras in the lobby that will show that I never left the apartment. We even ordered food in."

"Fuck. And there is no other evidence right now. No weapon, no hints of DNA. It's like the killer just vanished," Chuuya said to himself and I glanced at Dazai, seeing the amused look on his face.

"What if it was an ability user?" Dazai suggested. Chuuya gritted his teeth.

"Shut up! I don't need your help!"

"Really? Are you sure?" Dazai taunted the red head, quickly ducking when Chuuya swung his foot in a wide kick. Dazai didn't get hit, but the wall behind him took the damage, large cracks forming on the surface. I swallowed thickly. Just how strong was Chuuya?

"H-hey," I started nervously, foolishly getting between the two men before they could start a fight. "We're after the same goal, right? Why don't we just... work together?" The fierce glares I got made me shrink. "O-o-or! Or not! That's fine! Just don't fight!"

"Bella is right... fighting is so beneath me," Dazai said wistfully and I sighed deeply.

"Dazai, I'm being serious. This man was my best friend's boyfriend. I want to find his killer too."

"Just stay out of it," Chuuya growled. "This has nothing to do with either of you. The Port Mafia will handle this."

"Let's make it a race then." Both Chuuya and I were dumbfounded as we looked at Dazai, waiting for him to continue. "A competition to see who figures this out, the ADA or the Port Mafia."

"Dazai... what the hell?" I asked in disbelief, Chuuya stepped closer to him.

"What's the prize?"

Dazai smirked, raising a bandaged hand and pointing right to me. "Our bella."

My jaw dropped. "You're fucking kidding me?"

"No," Dazai answered rather seriously. "I'm not."

Chuuya is strangely quiet, his unreadable eyes now trained on me. I fidgeted under his gaze, looking away to find Dazai staring at me all the same. I shivered. I hated this; hated being part of such a stupid competition as a prize, and I hated that I fucking loved it. I screwed my eyes shut.

"Deal," Chuuya finally said and I gasped when I felt his familiar leather clad fingers cup my face, him moving my head to make me look at him. "Gotta say, I didn't expect to see you again, but I'm glad our paths have crossed a second time." I became extremely flustered and Chuuya smirked. "Tell me, Dazai. What was it like having my sloppy seconds?"

I gasped sharply with Dazai only laughing darkly, suddenly feeling his presence behind me. "Can't say it was too bad..." he answered and I just completely clocked out, breath hitching as I felt a bit embarrassed. And turned on. They knew exactly what to say to get me riled up.

"Okay, I'm leaving! It's late and I still haven't eaten dinner yet! Bye!" I was frantic trying to rush away from them as fast as I could. I didn't even turn back when Dazai called after me.

"See you tomorrow, bella!" Dazai chuckled softly, watching me disappear, hands stuffed in his pockets.

"A race? Really?" Chuuya asked incredulously, eyes piercing as he stared at his old partner.

"It will just make this all the more fun," Dazai hummed.

"You're a bastard," Chuuya scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Just stay out of my way. Taichi getting himself killed just ruined the investigation we had on him."

"Oh?" Dazai raised his eyebrows, amused. "Was he being a naughty boy?"

"Shut the fuck up, Dazai."

-End

I have this headcanon that Dazai and Chuuya definitely stole each other's girls and even shared them and had threesomes when they were partners and ya'll CANNOT tell me otherwise.

[slightlymore]

fragment

part of the ‘almost’ collaboration hosted by @hyucksie

final part of the 'soulmates collection' 

doyoung x fem reader | 10k

genre: greek mythology retelling (selene and endymion), abstract historical setting, astrology, astronomy, magic/fantasy, romance, !angst!, smut, fluffy notes 

warnings: swearing, alcohol, explicit sexual content +18 (no hardcore raunchy stuff because it didn’t fit the vibe but highly erotic scenes), bad ending, major character sad situation (not death but similar, idk how to explain without spoiling lol), overall mature themes 

other characters: ten as doyoung’s brother, kun only mentioned 

playlist:  - Moon | Jonghyun - Sun&Moon | NCT 127  - Mystery lover | Taemin  - End to start | NCT 127 

__________ A sigh. 

It was a little and delicate sound, almost inaudible. But Doyoung could hear it so well. 

It was the only thing his mind could focus on besides the soft feeling under his fingers. 

He exhaled too but he couldn’t make sense of his own voice and he didn’t want to when there was this other one he so dearly wanted to hear instead. 

He wanted it to become louder and louder. He wanted to bathe in the smoothness of that voice forever. 

“I just think you need to get laid, that’s all,” Ten smirked before his tongue could make an appearance through his plush lips. It licked one of the grapes he was holding to his mouth and chuckled at Doyoung’s disgusted expression. 

“You’re always on that bullshit. I don’t even know why I keep telling you stuff.” The man commented. 

Ten, previously lying down on the single wooden bench inside the observatory, sat up with a roll of the eyes. His fluffy hair bounced around his forehead at his movements and his smile was wicked.

“If you keep having wet dreams, it means that you’re in need for some, so you should go and get it, brother.” 

Doyoung sighed and placed his papers down, unable to understand what he was trying to do with moving them around in the first place. 

“The thing is-,”

“Yeah I know,” Ten interrupted him, “you only have sexy dreams in the observatory like a freak. Kun said it’s because you’re exhausted and your mind is more prone to let your deepest desires-”

“Wait. You told Kun about my dreams?” 

If Ten got jumpy because of Doyoung's sudden loud voice, he concealed it well. 

“We talk about unconsciousness all the time,” the boy explained relaxedly. “I think you should come too sometimes. You can let out some of your, uhm, frustration,” he wiggled his eyebrows as he took a few steps separating himself from Doyoung’s desk. 

Doyoung shrugged to make Ten take off the hand from his shoulder. “I am a scientist, not a philosopher or whatever you guys like to call yourselves.” 

“Well I am sorry that scientists don’t fuck and we do.” 

Ten ran out of the observatory with a giggle before he could be hit in the head by Doyoung’s telescope. 

______

Doyoung has always imagined meeting his soulmate in a very romantic environment. 

He was not an extremely romantic person, but since it was still a soulmate talk, he imagined at least a few shy smiles and a kiss on the hand, not a scream and his cock in his fist instead.

He was the first to scream as he turned around at the sound of rustling leaves.

You screamed too but only because he screamed so loudly in the silence of the night that the dormant birds flew away from the trees. 

Then you yelped again when your eyes fell to the man’s crotch.

“Oh my God, I am so sorry!” you hid your face with your palms and it felt boiling under your fingertips. 

The young man felt paralyzed and his first thought was that he wouldn’t have been able to touch himself anymore because of the shame. 

He breathed out once after finally putting away everything that had no business to be seen and cleared his throat. 

You had turned around in the process and Doyoung looked at your back for a moment before finally speaking. 

“Hey. Why are you wandering at night like this?” 

“Uh-” you put away your hands but didn’t dare to face him. “I couldn’t sleep and decided to come out for a bath,” you explained. “My lord,” you quickly added. 

“How did you get here? This property is owned by my astrology professor.” 

“That would be my father, sir. I live-” you lifted one arm and indicated the tower behind the garden, “-there.” 

Doyoung followed your finger with his eyes then took in your figure yet again. 

“You can turn around. I have no intention of hurting you.” 

You did as he told you and you were pleasantly surprised to see him as flustered as you were. “I’m sorry I startled you, sir.” 

The young man shook his head. “I have to apologize. It was highly inappropriate of me to do that in public.” 

“Well, no one was here to see, sir.” 

“You were here. And don’t call me sir, just call me Doyoung.” 

You smiled timidly and took a few steps towards the lake, nodding. “Then it’s nice to finally meet you Doyoung.” 

The man opened his lips for a second but you spoke on top of him. 

“Oh, my father speaks so highly of you every day,” you dipped one foot inside the calm water and Doyoung noticed for the first time what you had no shoes on. “He laughs at you for wanting to call yourself an astronomer instead of an astrologer but he also praises you a lot. My dad is an open-minded man. Sometimes I feel like he loves you more than he loves me.” 

Doyoung stared at your ankles then calves as you gently moved your toes inside the water. 

Your tone was light and nonchalant but he could sense the light layer of bitterness on it. 

“I’m sure that’s not the case.” 

You tilted your head to the side at his words and smiled again, the white and thin nightgown you were wearing almost touching the water too. Then you gathered the material around your waist and taking it off, you threw it on the shore near Doyoung’s feet. 

He gasped. 

“What are you doing?” he asked with a trembling voice, shocked to see your suddenly naked back getting swallowed by the shining darkness of the lake. 

“I told you, I came here for a bath,” you chirped back as if it was an appropriate answer. 

Turning around towards him you noticed that he caught a glimpse of your chest before he looked away in the distance. 

His adam apple travelled up and down distressed and even in the darkness you could see his neck and face redden up. 

You smiled again and crouched down, letting the water get to your chin and hide your curves from his eyes. 

“What would my father say if he knew I’m here naked in front of you now?” 

“Hm, he would probably kill me,” he replied sincerely. 

You let out a bright laugh. “Don’t worry. He won’t do it. If he doesn’t know.” 

He closed his mouth and you noticed the little smile trying to bloom on his lips as you exchanged a longer look than intended. 

Then he looked away and cleared his throat. 

“Then I’ll leave for now and I’ll come back when you’re done bathing,” he suddenly got up and patted his ass trying to clean his slacks of any dirt. 

“Aren’t you here to stare at the moon?” your voice stopped him from walking away. 

You were looking at him, gently swimming backwards. “Stay. I won’t bother you.” 

Doyoung sighed and after a moment of uncertainty, he moved back slowly and sat down again. 

You closed your eyes, letting the water lull you slowly. 

For the first time in weeks, the young man didn’t look at the moon once. 

__________

“What are the results for tonight?” you leaned in to read Doyoung’s notes, your gown collecting the drops of water falling on your body and making it difficult for the man to look away. 

You started to come out every night, the sound of your footsteps arriving to Doyoung’s senses first then your scent.

The results for that night were that Doyoung absolutely loved breasts and that he absolutely needed to touch himself or he might go insane. 

“The moon got smaller as predicted and it had the same course on the sky as usual.” 

You chuckled. 

“Well, of course. What would Selene do otherwise? Wander around?” 

Doyoung bit his lower lip as he would do when listening to your father teach him about astrology and deities. It was obvious that you would have his beliefs about the moon too.

“Well, she could, couldn’t she? Since she’s a goddess,” he played along. 

You sat near him and patted your neck with one end of your gown fabric. “She can technically walk away. But only to places where her presence is needed. And she goes away once every cycle to sleep.” 

Doyoung put away his papers and leaned back on his elbows, suddenly very amused. 

“Selene needs to sleep?” 

You noticed the almost mocking tone in his voice and smiled. “Of course she does. She obviously sleeps during the day just like Helios sleeps during the night but she also needs a full recharge once every cycle.” 

“You know a lot about her. Do you also know why she shrinks every night? Is that to show that she’s getting tired?” 

You chuckled at his theory but nodded. “Exactly. And after sleeping she grows bigger and bigger.” 

Doyoung hummed pensively and his eyes fell on your spine. “Wouldn’t it make sense if she came back full after recharging? Instead, she comes back small. The process makes no sense.” 

He raised his eyes to meet your gaze and you noticed the way his fingers twitched as if he forced himself to still his hand and not touch your skin. 

“There are so many things that make no sense,” you whispered.  

The man tilted his head to the side at your words and you let yourself down on your back, your eyes drinking in the stars above you. 

“Like what?” 

“Love?” 

Doyoung imitated your position and you had to prevent yourself from jolting when his shoulder touched yours. 

“Do you believe in love, astronomer?” you turned your head to see his face. 

“I don’t know. I have to see and touch things to believe in them.” 

“So you need to see and touch Selene to believe in her?” 

“Yeah.” 

“And would you believe it if she suddenly appeared and told you that it was her?” 

Doyoung turned his head to look at you as well and his gaze made your guts twist on themselves. He was so close that you both kept on whispering. 

“She should prove it somehow.” 

“What would you want her to do?” 

“Something goddess-like?” 

“What would that be?” you turned on your stomach interested and lifted your bust on your elbows. Doyoung’s eyes wandered on your chest for a little moment and it made you burn. 

“I don’t know. She’s the goddess. She should know. What can Selene do?” 

“Make people fall in love with her until they descend into madness."

Doyoung hummed with a smile. 

“Human girls can do that too. How is that special?” 

“So you do believe in love," you smiled teasingly, one finger to poke his bicep. 

“Well, it never happened to me, but if so many people talk about it, I guess it could be true.”

“A lot of people talk about Selene and yet, you don’t believe in her.”  

His eyes were barely visible in the night but the little lights in them were dancing just like the stars around the Moon. 

You opened your lips and breathed out.

Then he got up and collected his stuff before you could slip and ask him to just touch you right there under the black sky until he believed in you. 

__________

The first time you saw him you didn't think much of it. 

Another night, another person longing for something while looking up at the moon. 

You let yourself down to watch him better and you smiled surprised upon seeing his features. Apollo would wither away with shame in comparison so you chuckled excitedly. 

Finally. What a nice match. 

What a nice subject to driving into insanity for you. 

So you kept staring at his dark eyes, illuminated by your light, then at the curve of his forehead, his jaw, his neck. You imagined it strained as he begged for your love and you chuckled again. 

"Sleep," you whispered to him, eager to enter his dreams just like you did with so many people before him. 

But he didn't move and his eyes remained wide and awake. 

You tilted your head to the side, studying him well. 

"I said, Sleep," your voice travelled inside his head again but it got blocked by such a thick wall to make you almost fall backwards. 

You scoffed, one foot stomping on the ground and your arms crossed on the chest. 

He was not thinking about you?

He was staring at the moon, yes, but he wasn't staring at you?

_________

It was not until he fell asleep in his observatory that you managed to get closer. 

Night after night you were staring at each other without him realizing and night after night his head was completely closed off. Drifting away in the morning, angry and tired, your only thoughts were made of plans around how to enter that man's dreams.

You were feeling weak, so little time until Helios would push you to the side with his light. But your pride was hurt and you were desperate to get into his head. 

It was so easy this one time. Completely at your mercy. So easy that you basically tripped forward not expecting it. 

His mind was like soft butter and you giggled triumphant, stepping around his dreams. 

Finally. 

It was completely silent inside of him and you inhaled deeply. 

What a nice head, you thought. So calm and peaceful. No chaos and no darkness. 

You opened your eyes and focused around his imagination. 

It was a deep refreshing forest with a faraway waterfall. The sound of it accompanying the sound of your nude feet on the grass. 

Then you saw him. 

The man was lying down on a patch of soft moss, eyes closed and relaxed features. Like some sort of spirit. Like a god. 

You walked to him silently and touched his knee. His eyes slowly opened at the sensation and his lips got brushed by a sigh. You leaned down on top of him, catching it with your lips, sighing into him as well. 

Finally, you smiled, as his hands pressed into your soft flesh. 

But before he could touch your bare skin, you were already drifting away to sleep yourself and the dusk vaporized you from his arms. 

So you tried again. 

And again. 

Always near the time, you'd touch gowns with Helios as you passed the baton. Always touching the mortal man just for a second in his mind and his dreams.

Until you became obsessed.

His hands on your stomach and sliding lightly on your bust. You holding onto his wrist with both your hands and delicately kissing his thumb before gently starting to suck on it. His muscles contracting at the sight and you feeling him harden underneath you. His lips slightly parted as if breathing for him was suddenly harder and his gaze was dark and lustful. Jerking up with no warming and, pressing you hard against himself, kissing you hungrily. Wet, messy, and rough. His fingers digging into your thighs and yours into his shoulders. His skin rubbing against your and you desperately wanting more.

Until you got too impatient. 

__________

“It’s called a telescope. It’s a machine that makes things appear closer. I want to see every detail of the moon and I’ll soon be able to.” 

Doyoung was scribbling away into his papers and you shifted your head from resting on your knees to resting it on your hand instead. 

“Can I see it?” 

He didn’t reply for a few moments, eyebrows furrowed and clenched jaw, so you thought he didn’t hear you. 

“It’s not done yet,” he then mumbled right when you opened the mouth to speak again. 

“Well-” you started but he suddenly got up and extended his hand to you. 

You looked at his delicate palm and fought the urge to kiss his fingertips. 

You lifted your hand to touch it. It was soft and warm as you held it. And you hoped he wouldn’t let yours go after helping you up. 

Unfortunately, he did and started to walk up the little hill towards the tower by himself. 

You smiled a little and followed him after gathering your gown in your fists, eyes on his back instead of paying attention where you should put your feet instead.

“So tell me. Why do you like the moon so much?” 

Humans were so used to walking around that it was nothing for him to arrive at the top of the hill in a few steps. You haven’t been walking as much as you did while with Doyoung in aeons so you had to rest, palms on your knees and panting hard as he spoke. 

“It’s fascinating, don’t you think?” 

“Well,” you shrugged, “she’s a goddess.” You replied, the sweat on your forehead and messy hair very ungoddess-like. 

Doyoung looked at his side, staring at your lips as they moved then looked away at the tower in front of him. His visible cheek trembled a little under the moonlight and you smiled. 

“So you still don’t believe the moon is a goddess. My job here is useless.” 

He sighed at your affirmation. “I just- I’m sure there’s more to that. The moon is made of soil just like the earth. I think it’s a piece of earth that didn’t manage to merge with us.” 

He started to walk away as you caught up with his pace. 

“Merge with us? Like when the earth was made someone just left a piece of it out for no reason?” 

The boy looked at you after arriving at the wooden door and resting one hand on it. “You think I’m insane, right? No one believes me.” 

You imitated his expression and lightly hit his shoulder with yours. “I don’t think you’re insane. Your mind is just fascinating like the moon herself.” 

“You think there’s a possibility that the goddess is mad at me for not believing in her existence? Maybe this is why I’m not making any progress with my studies,” Doyoung mumbled to himself amused as unlocked the tower. 

You stared at his profile for a while. The silence made it possible for the soft breeze on the lake water to be heard as well as the young man’s yearning sigh. 

“I think she’s flattered. You’re like a challenge.” 

Doyoung turned his head around to face you again and his dark eyes under the strands of black hair were hypnotizing as he made a few steps backwards into the round room. 

“Flattered by me? There are so many people staring at her.” 

You tightened the hold on your gown as you followed him into the darkness of the observatory. 

“Not like you. I watched you from my own tower and you’ve been here every night for so many cycles.” 

“I am flattered that you’ve been watching me,” Doyoung lowered his voice.  

You smiled again and felt a lump grow in your throat under his gaze, forcing you to swallow before talking again. 

“Also, you don’t just mindlessly admire her. You want to understand. And that’s fresh.” 

You looked up at the high ceiling and admired the weird wooden construction. It was a little dusty but cosy.

Doyoung let one corner of his lips rise. “So the moon is bored with all the suitors and finds me amusing. Will she kill me after playing with me like this or you think she will grant me forgiveness?” 

You looked down again and stared at each other until Doyoung’s eyes widened a little upon seeing your troubled expression. 

“Hey, it was a joke,” he touched your arm delicately. “The moon is not going to kill me.” 

You gulped and lowered your gaze upon feeling his touch. 

“No, she can’t. But what if she has to put you to sleep?” you asked with a feeble voice. 

His pupils shook quickly as if he was waiting for you to finally laugh out loud at the joke. 

But you didn’t. 

“Why would Selene do that?” 

You walked away from him, hands behind your back, neck strained as you looked up at the structure. 

“Have you ever heard of Selene being in love?” 

“I haven’t heard much of her at all, to be honest.” 

He leaned his hips on the desk and crossed his arms on the chest. 

“What have you been doing during my father’s lessons?” you suddenly turned your head towards him and he finally could see a hit of amusement on your features. 

“Hm,” he considered. “Thinking about the moon but not like that.” 

You rolled your eyes and touched the telescope in front of you with one finger. It was sturdy and cold. Then you started to walk around the room, the fingertip gently caressing everything you could touch. 

“Selene is cruel. She makes people fall in love with her. With no promises. Just for fun. And when they all learn that she can’t possibly love them back, they all leave.”  

“Why?” 

You stopped near a wall adorned with a simple mirror. The reflection was something you didn’t want to look at so you placed your gaze on Doyoung. He exchanged the look. 

“It’s her fate.” 

“Her fate to be cruel?” 

“Her fate to be alone.” You started to walk again. 

His clothes neatly hanging near his bed smelled like incense and they were soft under your finger. 

“That sounds like someone that wants to protect themselves,” he considered. 

You didn’t reply for a moment so Doyoung kept talking. 

“Selene sounds like a sad individual. She keeps making people fall in love with her but no one is trying to make her fall in love with them. And then they run away like cowards.”

You chuckled a little. “You think? But that’s Fate. If you fall in love with Selene, you either run away or lose your life.” 

“And how many people lost their life?” 

You hummed. “No one really.”

“If you love someone truly, no Fate is going to make you tremble in your slacks like a little boy.” 

You chuckled again. 

Your room tour was almost over as you walked over him, your finger gently touching the table until reaching his thigh. 

He looked down at your hand and followed it’s movements as you drew a line up on it until getting to his hip, then on his wrist and forearm. 

His skin shivered in goosebumps under your touch and you heard him swallow. 

“If you’re going to keep being so obsessed with the moon, you might lose your life too,” you whispered. “Run away now, before it’s too late.” 

His hand twitched as he loosened up his arms on his sides and grabbed your fingers before you could get to his chest. 

“Selene might choose to put me to sleep?” 

“She might have to. For pity. To not let you die on the hands of the Fates instead since it’s gruesome.” 

Doyoung wrapped your shoulders with his arm and pulled you towards his body.

 You heard the buzzing of his voice near his heart when he talked. “I will not let the moon do that. Don’t worry.”

His scent was inebriating and you closed your eyes, palms shyly placed on the linen of his tunic, his breath tickling your forehead before he placed a kiss on it. 

The touch felt so dizzying that you had to inhale twice. 

“Promise?” you lifted your head and asked quietly, the words travelling on the little sigh you emitted and placing themselves on his plump ones. 

“I promise-,” he tried to say but he was so close that you didn’t let him finish, the kiss he gave you after you leaned in was better than any words. 

Then he kissed your cheek and jaw, then you felt his tongue gently outlining your ear until you whimpered and tightened your fingers into his clothes. He chuckled lightly and kissed the spot under the ear, down down on the neck, biting gently into your flesh as you started to pant. His hands palmed the bare skin on your back before meeting the fabric of your nightgown again. 

It was your turn to get goosebumps all over your skin as you melted in his hold. 

Then you noticed the lights of the dusk gently illuminating the small windows of the observatory and you had to lightly push his chest back. 

“I have to go,” you whispered quickly. 

“Just a minute,” he replied on your lips, his arms not wanting to let you go yet. You kissed him back in short pecks until he chuckled. 

“Okay okay. Go,” he pressed his lips into yours for the last time and you turned around fast, yelping once as he lightly slapped your ass. 

__________

“There’s something I need to confess,” you announced. 

Doyoung’s eyes weren't on the moon that night either and you smiled at the small victory. Then you felt a sting inside your chest that prompted you to finally be honest with him. 

Getting out of the water slowly you hoped he'd let his obsidian eyes shamelessly caress your skin but sensing your approach he lifted his eyes on the sky instead with a secret gulp. 

“What is it?” His voice was low and a little pasty. 

"Are you drinking?" you chuckled once surprised as your feet walked the short sand shore before you could feel the cool grass under your toes instead. 

Doyoung smiled. "It's starting to get a little bit cold these nights. I have to keep myself warm."

You kneeled in front of him, sitting on your legs and extending your hand towards the bottle. "I'm also a little chilly," you explained. 

The young man handed you the wine and watched your lips as you tasted it. 

"Perhaps if you didn’t wander around naked you won't be feeling this cold." 

"Perhaps if you finally let me under your cloak, you won't be feeling this cold either." 

Doyoung's pupils trembled and his lips tightened. His lashes fanned his cheeks a few times and he looked away as you collected a single drop of wine from your lower lip with the tip of the tongue. 

He was so stubborn to fully give in that it made you euphoric. 

After the little exchange in the observatory, you expected him to jump on you as soon as he saw you. Instead, he slyly sat down on his usual spot in front of the lake, eyes high on the sky and hands busy taking his notes. 

So you undressed as usual and entered the water until you could physically feel his gaze burning your skin.

You were actually relieved he felt like that. 

Nights after nights you wondered if you should just stop bothering him. 

You felt selfish and cruel. Cruel with yourself, because you already knew how it would end. He’d run away from you and if perhaps he would not, if he prefered to actually die, then- 

You drank again and enjoyed his awkward silence for a bit. 

“I’ve been watching you that first night," you confessed. Doyoung's breath halted for a second and you smiled.

I’m Selene. I’m actually Selene. 

“I told you that I’ve been watching you for many nights, actually. From my tower.”

You locked eyes and you felt his hand wrap yours making you shiver. He retrieved the bottle and sipped talking.

"Why?" 

I’m Selene. 

"For the same reason, you've been staring at the moon. To understand. And because you're beautiful." 

Doyoung gulped the liquid and his eyes finally locked with yours. 

"What do you want to understand about me?" 

"Everything."

The crickets kept you company in the moment of silence and for the first time Doyoung didn't shy away from openly looking at your curves and you felt your skin get goosebumps. 

His fingers then unbuttoned his cloak and lifting himself on his knees, he wrapped your naked body with it. The warmth and his scent almost made you whine in pleasure. You desperately wanted him to pull you down on top of him.

"So you choose that exact moment to come and talk to me." 

The little smile that crept on Doyoung's lips made you smile as well. He sat down again and relaxed back on one elbow.

“I had no idea that looking at the moon would get you horny if that's what you're saying."

He looked at you with the corner of his eyes. The amusement in them made you bite your lower lip. 

"You got horny by looking at me though." 

In your whole long life, you've never experienced that type of teasing. 

He was there, hands not on you, doing everything with his eyes instead of his touch and it was driving you insane. 

It was not the first time you'd come down and talk to admirers that loved to stare at you, yet not a single one has made it so difficult for you to sleep with them. 

Were you losing your charm? Was it their belief in Selene that made you look fascinating to their eyes? Was this the reason Doyoung kept it all together all of these nights? You were just a normal girl in his eyes, weren't you? 

It made you so frustrated. 

And relieved at the same time.

“So why were you horny that night?” 

“I’ve been dreaming about this girl I have never met before,” he admitted." I don't know who she is or what she looks like-"

"But she managed to get you horny like that?" 

He had another sip from the bottle as if regretting telling you that. 

"Maybe it was Selene? She's known for meeting people in their dreams," you suggested. 

I am Selene. It was me. Keep me close but please run away too. 

"Selene doesn’t-” he tried to reply but stopped, aware of your deep beliefs. 

"And a girl from your dreams does?" 

"I've never-” 

"Is this why you're here? You hope to dream about her again?" 

"I am here because I am studying the moon." 

“What was the girl doing in your dreams? Can you show me?” you lowered your voice and you could have sworn that Doyoung was ready to finally push you under his weight. 

“Don’t do this to me,” he whispered instead. 

I am sorry. I am so sorry. 

“Why not?” you touched his knee. 

“I haven’t been myself since you’re around.” 

“Is that a bad thing?”

It is. It’s such a bad thing.  

“I just… I want to concentrate on the moon-” 

“She’s not going anywhere.” 

If there were men that refused a naked girl as she explicitly asked them to touch her skin, Doyoung realized with great difficulty that he was not one of them. 

Fuck, when you straddled his lap and leaned down, not even Zeus and all of his squad would have been able to stop Doyoung from sliding his hands up your thighs and grab your waist.

"Will you leave me alone after this?" he whispered on your lips. 

"Only if you leave me alone first." 

"You came to me first."

"I don't think that's correct."

Doyoung's eyebrows furrowed at your words but he had no time to think about it at your command. 

“Kiss me,” you managed to tell him before he pulled you down on his chest and promptly bit your lower lip. You whined once and cupped his face as his hands pressed you on himself.

It was weird. It was so weird. 

His tongue playing with yours and his fingers caressing your naked body, you felt powerless. You were so small. 

A weird sensation was engulfing your chest just like his scent and warmth tickled your senses. 

It tasted like danger and it made your nerves shake. 

The desire was so high that it made you dizzy but the terror was just as big as you felt his grip tighten on you. 

You felt like any other man you bewitched before. Insane. At his mercy. 

And you desperately didn’t want him to die. 

"Wait!" 

Doyoung stopped kissing your neck and looked up at your face. 

"Is everything alright? Sorry if I-," 

"No, no, it's fine," you gulped, gently moving back until standing. 

You tugged at his cloak, even more, covering yourself up to the chin. 

"I'll borrow this if it's not an issue for you," you tried to smile a little. "I just remembered I need to go home. I’ll let you concentrate on your studies for now.” 

"Wait- it’s not morning yet-," he blinked at you and stood up as well, but you were already running away on the little dirt path towards the tower. 

__________

"Your game is so weak that you make girls run away now?" 

"I didn't tell you this to get teased by you," Doyoung replied sternly but when Ten looked over he smiled seeing the other's amused expression. 

"Perhaps she just wanted to seduce you and when you finally got seduced she got bored."

"Valid. But we could have at least finished." Doyoung sighed. "I'm afraid I scared her somehow." 

The lake sounded calm in the colours of the dawn and Doyoung raised his gaze to look at the sky. 

"I mean, I'd be scared to sleep with you too." Ten joked but Doyoung wasn't listening. 

"There's something else,” the latter mumbled, almost to himself. 

Ten went quiet and looked at the other's glowing profile. 

"She felt so familiar as I held into her. Her scent and voice and her breathing. She was exactly like the girl I've been dreaming about."

Ten whistled. "You're projecting now?"

"Maybe she didn't want to be used as I thought about that dreamy girl," Doyoung murmured on his own. “I swear they felt the same though.” 

Ten waved his palm in front of his brother's face but the other didn't flinch, eyes lifeless as he was lost in thoughts. 

Then Ten shrugged. 

"Go and find her. Ask to talk to her."

Doyoung finally came to his senses. "You want her father to kill me?" 

“Go to sleep then.” 

“What?” 

Ten shrugged again. “Go to sleep and see if they’re the same person.” 

“Don’t make fun of me.” 

“I told you that you should come over our weird mystical meetings sometime.” He signed the words with air quotes. “You’d understand that dreams can be something more than mere night hallucinations.” 

__________

Doyoung didn't look at the moon that night. 

Instead, he went to sleep when it came out adorning the sky and he fell into the slumber with its image burned on his eyelids. 

He felt an idiot but he hoped to see you.

Doyoung didn't believe in fate or higher forces but if his mind could somehow predict your arrival he wanted to find out how it worked. Theory, observation and conclusion. 

It was a soft dream. 

He was walking a flowery hill. The spectrally white blossoms were high to his hips and he gently let his hands caress their petals at his passage. The moon made them bright as if they were faes and all of them were directing him somewhere.

He knew you were there waiting for him before he could see you. 

Timidly sat on the top of the hill, your white gown was looking even brighter than the moon itself. Your thighs were full-on display and for a moment Doyoung felt like he'd lived a moment like this in the past already.

He stopped and looked down around his feet where a small rabbit tilted its head to the side, staring at him with its big and glossy eyes. It was light brown and fluffy. 

Doyoung chuckled once and crouched down. The little rabbit hopped into his arms and he carried it up until reaching your smiling face. 

“I missed you,” he said as a greeting. 

A small breeze made the flowers lean gently on the side and your gown inflated as you stood.

You took a little step towards him and placed one finger on his lower lip. 

He let his gaze fall on it and kissed your fingertip. His skin was warm and soft.

Then he kissed the round sweet you made appear in your hand.

He chuckled feeling the honey already melting on his lips. He bit into it and you ate the half of it that was leftover.

“Why are you running away from me?” he whispered as the rabbit hopped off.

You were unsure if he spoke to it or you.

“I’m afraid.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“The unknown.”

Doyoung lifted one hand and cupped your face. You exhaled and closed your eyes.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” he asked.

“Falling in love with you.” 

_________

“I’m glad you took some time off to see me, son.” 

“Thank you for accepting the invitation, sir.” 

The two men were slowly walking through the Tower’s gardens, full of roses bushes and soft grass. 

“How are the studies going? Got some new information about the Moon?” 

Doyoung inhaled, hands clasped together behind his back and tilted head. 

“I do. And that’s why I’m here. I have some questions for you, sir.” 

The Professor halted his movements and smiled under the thick eyebrows. 

“What’s all that about?” 

Doyoung started to walk again and the man followed him. 

“I think I might be slightly insane but what if our theories both coexist? What if the moon is just a celestial object for some and a goddess for others, based on their beliefs?” 

The man laughed. “Have you been to the meetings of that philosopher brother of yours lately?” 

Doyoung smiled a bit at the teasing. 

“I think you can be right,” the Professor then added with a different tone. 

They both stopped again and Doyoung tried to read the expression in his eyes. 

“We’re incredible beings. We’re creators. The divine in us wants to create things so badly. Art, science, food, babies.” 

They both smiled again. 

“Reality shifts according to what you believe in and you can create things out of nowhere.” 

“But is that true if I created it? Isn’t it just fantasy?” 

“And what exactly is reality in the first place?” 

“Something you can see and touch. Something you can feel with all of your senses.” 

“Air is reality. Can you see and touch it? Can you feel it with your tongue? No. But it’s here. We all agree on it.”

The astronomer smiled again. “It’s because we need different eyes to see it.” 

“Just like you need different eyes to see Selene instead of a round disk in the sky,” the man replied. 

Doyoung turned around and walked again in silence. 

“Would Selene start to exist like flesh and bone in front of me if I started to believe in her?” he asked after a moment. 

“Yes. And the moon would look like a piece of dirt to me if I had your beliefs instead.” 

Doyoung sighed, shaking his head to the side as if trying to apologize. 

“I don’t know why I started to think about all of these things.” 

“You’re not the first man to get heartache for her, Doyoung.” 

“I am not-” Doyoung blinked a few times, unable to go on. 

“It’s actually,” he finally faced the old man, “it’s actually all about your daughter, sir,” his voice was feeble and his cheeks lightly dusted with the colour of roses. 

The Professor opened his mouth for a moment but he was quick to close it as a little smile adorned his mouth instead. 

His arm moved and Doyoung fought the urge to not run away. But the man had no ill intentions. Instead he fatherly cupped the other’s nape and laughed once. 

“I do not have a daughter, my boy.” 

__________

She’s cruel.

Doyoung could understand that. He was not stupid nor blind. 

Swaying your hips around him, visiting him all nights, eyes full of him and basically begging him to touch you: only a fool would not take a hint. 

Yet, you didn’t come to him anymore. You ran away instead of fully seducing him, breaking him, leaving him desperate. 

Or was it the whole plan? Making him long for more until no other thought could have space in his mind? 

Well, it was working. 

But Doyoung was also the sole creator of his reality and his heart was still not acquainted with the truth of the moon being a goddess. And if he didn’t believe in you, you were not real. Just a fragment of his imagination, of his dreams.

Although your touch and your breath on his skin was something he could actually feel. And the thing blooming inside his heart was also something he could feel. 

Slow feet to drag to his observatory he barely noticed the white gown abandoned on the lake’s shore. He had no intentions to look for you yet there you were again when he least tried hard to reach you. 

The night was dark and the moon was but a mere semicircle in the middle of infinite stars. 

And you were barely visible in the slow movement of the lake too, eyes closed and face up to bathe into the myriad of lights. 

“I’ve never asked your name.” 

His voice was low but it startled you. He was standing on the strand of sand, nude feet gently touched by the water at a slow rhythm. 

Hands in his slacks pockets and head ever so slightly tilted to the side, he looked so confident to make your blood boil. 

Your eyes ran over his thighs then up to his small waist. You imagined yourself wrapping it with your arms, pressing your face into the clean scent of his white flowy shirt, fingers drawing the most prominent veins on his forearms made bare by his hands that slowly unbuttoned the sleeves.

“You didn’t.” 

You swam backwards, water hitting the swell of your breasts at each fluid movement as you put on a brave face.  

He smiled and your breath vibrated but then you couldn’t see his face anymore, hidden by the fabric he took off. 

His shirt fell near your gown and you looked at its trajectory before realizing what you had in front of you. 

“What are you doing?” your voice was not brave anymore as you spoke and you gulped once. 

“Taking a bath. I had a very long day,” he explained, amused eyes under his messy hair, hands already unbuttoning his pants. 

You watched those too as they fell to his ankles before he could step out of them and when you raised your eyes again you inhaled sharply. 

Doyoung didn’t comment on your inability to look at him but you could almost feel his smile burn the side of your face as you turned around, laying down on your back again and trying to calm your buzzing nerves. 

The water did nothing to lull you as your guts physically felt each meter Doyoung swam towards you. 

“I dreamt you a few nights ago,” he talked and his voice was nearer than you expected. 

“Oh really. Was that nice?” 

“You were there too, Selene."

You floundered with a gasp at that name on his lips but he was quick to wrap your body with his arms and keep you afloat. Your chest was expanding quickly and it stopped when you realized that it was pressed on Doyoung’s naked body. 

"What are you talking about?" you tried to chuckle, palms on his chest as if trying to push him away but not actually wanting to do it. 

“Look at me,” his voice was a whisper. 

You breathed out and kept staring at his collarbones instead. 

“A goddess would certainly have enough guts to look at a mere man’s eyes, wouldn’t she?” 

His fingers delicately drew your jaw until lifting your chin up. 

The look you exchanged was electrifying and your hands got buried in his shoulders’ muscles on their own. 

“You certainly have a lot of guts for a mere man.” 

“Is this why you’re running away from me? You’re not used to it? For your little pets to have guts?"

You scoffed once. 

“I could- I could set you on fire if I wanted to.” 

“You already do without trying,” he smiled. 

“I could physically turn you on fire, you know?”

Doyoung hummed at your threats and tightened his hold on your hips even more until there was no more possible space between your bodies anymore. 

“You’re physically turning me on fire,” he whispered near your ear. “Do you not feel it?” 

"Doyoung," you whined, his skin rubbing on yours as you shifted. 

"Selene," he replied. 

"We should not do this."

"Do what?" 

You exhaled frustrated and finally looked at his eyes. 

"You should not try to sleep with the goddess of the moon if you want to be alive."

"And who's going to kill me?" 

"The Fates." His lips curved up. 

"I'm serious! It's going to kill you."

"But I can’t step back. I'm just a weak mortal bewitched by you."

"We both know that's not true. You don't care about me at all. Not--,” you gulped. “Not like I do."

He smiled a little. 

"And that drives you insane, doesn’t it?" his breath caressed your earlobe as he whispered near it. "You hate being weak."

You closed your eyes with fluttering eyes as you felt his fingers caress your spine, from the base of your neck, down to your waist until reaching the softness of your ass.

"Why are you resisting me, let me in."

"You're just everything I was afraid of."

"Maybe it's time to stop and face your fears."

"There's no going back after this. You should run away now.”

"I don’t want to go back." 

"You said it yourself. You’re but a mere man. A human!” you argued. 

"And yet here you are, Selene herself melting in my arms."

You sighed in frustration. "Don’t get so cocky."

"You said that the worst thing that could happen is you falling in love with me. Is that really that bad?" 

“The Fates will get to you, Doyoung? Do you not understand? You’ll be gone.” 

“You said that you can put me to sleep more gently. Do that.”

“You’ll be gone!”

"I’ll find a way back to you."

"You’re so reckless for a scientist."

"Your influence on me is really bad.”

“You’re not taking this seriously at all.” 

“Can’t be rational when all I can think about is how much I want to fuck you dizzy.” 

You opened your mouth to reply something witty but you couldn't because with quick hands he took your arms and wrapped them around his neck. It was so quick that you were still in the middle of processing what just happened when with gentle fingers he directed your head closer to his face and pressed a sweet kiss on your lips. 

You let yourself be cuddled by his homely scents as you slid your fingers through his soft hair. His hands were drawing light lines on your back and between his arms, you felt warm and safe. All your worries were suddenly gone and you couldn't feel any tiredness or anxiety in your muscles as Doyoung smoothed it all for you.

He eventually broke up the kiss and you were both slightly breathless as you looked at each other in the eyes. His gaze was intense and rough and you couldn't stop thinking about the way your body was pressing against his.

Your thoughts might have been written on your face because he smiled slightly and got his hands busy to slowly slide his fingers across your ass and thighs. 

"I can stop if you want me to," he said, almost whispering. 

"No, don’t stop,” you whispered back. 

__________

“So, what are you? Like, immortal?” 

His voice was a low buzz. Head resting on your stomach and arms wrapped around your body, you let your hand gently play with his hair. 

The night was cold on the lake’s shore. His cloak felt soft under your naked bodies though and his mere presence made it impossible for you to feel any breeze. 

You exhaled and shifted in his hold to be able to look at him. “Yes, but I can die too.” 

“Well, you do have hot blood inside of your veins,” he smirked, lifting his head too, palming your body up until reaching your warm cheeks. You closed your eyes for a moment, gently rubbing your side of the face on his hand before opening them up and taking in the view of him between your legs. 

“I told you how this is a curse, right?” 

He hummed, going back to his previous position, hands wrapped around your thighs and slowly drawing diagrams on your skin. 

“And it’s bullshit.” 

“How is that-”  

“Who the hell are the Fates and why do they have a say in your destiny?” He sounded angry. 

“Also why are you even cursed?” he lifted his head to look at you and his furrowed eyebrows made you giggle. 

“The Goddess of the Moon is not the same forever. We change every other aeon. I have been chosen this time and with it came the curse.” 

Doyoung rolled his eyes so incredulously that you giggled again. 

“My heart is flowing with jealousy. Of all I’ve ever wanted, my hands got only smoke,” you whispered and Doyoung blinked at your sudden change in tone. 

“Hey,” he slithered upwards until placing his arms around your head. 

You wrapped his body with yours and hid your face into the crook of his neck.

“It’s going to be so soon,” you whined. 

“What?” he rolled over and pulled you towards his chest. 

“The Judgement.” 

Like a spell that summons darkness, the night sky suddenly got hidden. 

You inhaled sharply and got up, away from his hold.

Doyoung’s eyes were wide, looking at your face then at the sky where no stars and moon were shining anymore. 

“You have to run away,” your voice trembled. 

“I will not do that,” he stood as well, hands trying to pull you closer again. 

You took a few steps back, shaking your head as if afraid of him to touch you. 

“Doyoung, are you perhaps a fool?” you almost screamed. 

“Yeah, maybe I am.” 

"You said that you wouldn't let me do this!" you cried out, face wet with tears, unable to get closer to him any further. “I thought you didn’t love me and you’d run away like the others!”

Doyoung was pale and with shaky hands trying hard to reach you. But you were the Moon, high up in the sky and so far away for him to touch. 

“How can I not love you?” he whispered. 

You brought a hand to your mouth, feet slowly leaving the shore, rising in your goddess glory. But there was nothing glorious at that moment as your body jolted with hiccups. 

"It's alright, " he whispered. "Everything is fine. We can deal with this.”

"It's my fault. I've been a fool." 

"No. No. Listen to me."

"I don't want to lose you…" your voice was tiny as he slowly descended on his knees, arms resting in his lap, eyes taking in the beauty of your light. 

"Do it quickly. It's okay," Doyoung added.  

You looked away. 

"It's okay," he repeated. "I'll find a way to get to you. I promise."

"Stop, please, just stop. Why don’t you just go away?” 

"If not in this life, in another one. This is but a mere fragment of our existence. My soul's eternal and it will always long for you. I'll come and find you. I can't let you go.” 

"Doyoung-," 

"My love. Put me to sleep. It's not death.” 

"It's worse than death!” 

"I'll find a way. Trust me. We’re ending this to start again. I do not intend to run away like some coward in front of these Fates.” 

"Doyoung," you whined again, the sight of the Fates darkening the hills beyond him making your eyes fill to the brim until you were unable to see. 

He didn't look back. His eyes were on you all of the time. 

His eyes have always been on you all of the time. 

Your feet touched ground again and he smiled, his own eyes being two little night skies filled with little shiny stars. 

His hair floated in the killing wind of the Fates approaching each step closer, yelling, screaming, shaking the ground. 

Your trembling hands didn't look like your own as you cupped his face and kissed his lips desperately, the whispers of your love filling up his mouth. Until he inhaled deeply.

Until the darkness of the Fates passed above you with a deafening yell of a thousand birds. You wrapped his head with your arms, protecting him and he wrapped your torso with his. 

"Go away!" you screamed towards the halo dancing around in the sky. It let out a frustrated cry and before you could realize it, it went away in a minute, leaving behind but buzzing silence. 

You gulped feeling your throat raw, a little sparkle of hope still lingering in your chest. 

But then you looked down at his face and a loud hiccup knocked all of your body. 

Your kiss worked. 

You held him in your arms and watched his peaceful expression dotted by your warm tears. 

He was beautiful and eternally asleep. 

__________

From “I will not vanish” with Haechan coming up in March

“How bizarre. Not dead yet not alive either.” 

The voice startled Doyoung in the silence of the prison. It was warm and pleasant. Almost childish. 

“Who talked?” 

Doyoung walked the dark corridor slowly, eyebrows furrowed and eyes scanning every cell. 

“I did.” 

The voice sounded clearer with each step he took until he was sure it came from the farthest away room. It was darker and bigger than the others.

“Don’t be afraid. Come closer.” The voice was amused. 

Doyoung stopped in front of it and blinked hard to see inside. 

The creature inside of it giggled once and leaned forwards into the feeble light of Doyoung’s torch. 

The latter flinched and took a step backwards. 

Two round eyes looked at Doyoung from underneath fluffy hair. His lips were plush just like his cheeks. Yet Doyoung could tell he was not a child. The eyebrow scratch and sharp jawline that flinched as he smirked communicated infinite amounts of years. 

“Donghyuck the demon?” 

The young man rolled his eyes and scoffed. 

“I’ve been terrorizing whole villages in their dreams, asking them to call me Haechan and no one is passing the message around? Donghyuck is such an old fashioned name now.” 

Doyoung blinked at him, unable to crack a single word. 

The demon snickered. “What did you expect to see, human? A wobbly indistinguishable mass with four voices talking all at once?” 

“Yes,” Doyoung replied honestly. 

“Those are the angels. Have you seen an angel? They have like seven arms and twelve eyes. Like, you’re an angel, right? With all those great powers. And what do you do? You appear to people with disgusting eyes around the belly button?” 

Haechan leaned to the side on one elbow and imitated puking sounds.

“I had an unpleasant encounter with an Archangel.” 

Haechan smiled at the other’s words and got up from the floor. Doyoung expected chains around his limbs but nothing was holding the demon back. 

He walked slowly towards the edge of the cell and Doyoung noticed his bare feet and ankles. They looked like the ones of a prince not having worked one single day in his life.

“Archangels are smarter. They don’t look as good as me but they at least don’t scare away young girls. Who did you discuss with to leave you so desperate to come here? Also what the hell happened to you? An eternal sleepwalker?"

Haechan was mere centimetres away from Doyoung but the latter didn’t step back. 

“Mark.” 

The other hummed. “Archangel Mark. He’s still on that bullshit? Fate and all?” 

“You’re a demon. You know everything.” 

Haechan laughed. “Yeah.” He walked along the edge with hands behind his back before turning his face towards Doyoung again. “So he’s the reason why you chose me?” 

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

"You think we're going to be friends?" 

"Business partners."

Haechan licked his lower lip amused. 

"What do you want?" 

"Love."

Haechan snorted. "Okay, loser. And what are you offering me?" He lifted one eyebrow. 

"Freedom." 

__________

Haechan stared at the contract Doyoung handed him. It was a big heavy book and Haechan touched its cover. 

And if she’s not my soulmate, I’d rather wander alone than touching someone else’s skin, I’d rather walk this earth with no hand to hold and lift me from the ground. And if I have to heal from it and accept the universe’s imposed call, I’d rather suffer from my eternally open wounds. I’ll fight the stars and let them burn me, I’ll let them laugh at my weakest state and I’d gladly make them erase my memory of ever existing in all of the infinite lives if I have to follow Fate.

Turning it over he read the words that appeared on the back after meeting you.

I’m walking through dark times But please come to me just once If I see you again, will I be able to hug you? With this body that’s frozen and about to break? Your eyes and your warm voice I long for it like crazy One day, give me your hand too, turn around and look at me Find me, just once I’ll wait so please come back*

Haechan let out a dry scoff and sighed, looking over the empty hills. 

“Losers.”

*”Who waits for love” by SHINee   

[michelemoutons]

and at last, the post that maybe three people maximum have been waiting for...

em's comfort retro rally videos: a masterlist!

in a much-needed return to this blog's roots, and as an antidote to all motorsport- and life-related chaos, i now present to you: the first edition of em's favorite retro rally videos!

general disclaimer/info: these videos mainly come from the group B era of the world rally championship (wrc), which generally speaking was in the '80s. i am only human, so expect a lot of bias toward my personal favorites...which will become very apparent as you read this list hehe. also i'm not even gonna pretend to be an expert on this or anything. a lot of these are literally just based on Vibes

table of contents

i. my top 5 rally coverage videos

mainly coverage for television, recorded on VHS and uploaded to YouTube by some truly incredible people

ii. honorable mentions

not rally coverage, but retro rally videos nevertheless

often documentaries, mini-doc features, interviews

for all videos, i have indicated the language (most are in english fyi); if any links fail or videos disappear, send me an ask or DM and i'll remove the culprit/find an alternative link.

and now, onward!

(TW for occasional flash photography in many of the night sequences of the videos, as well as a gif included in this post)

i. my top 5 rally coverage videos

in which my bias toward audi sport, mouton/pons, mikkola, toivonen, and vatanen are put on blast for all to see 🥴 i am not an expert in anything i am just very good at research and a whore for aud—[SNIPED]. for the sake of brevity, i narrowed my favorites down to 5. maybe another time i will share all the rest!

also, a general note about the commentary: sometimes, the commentary around michèle and fabrizia can get... weird. keep in mind, they were the most prominent female team partnership around that time, and the first to nearly clinch a wrc wdc, and to modern ears, the commentators really didn't know how to act around them. personally, it wasn't horrible for me, i just ignored the weirder bits, but i understand if others might find it off-putting. also for the sake of your sanity don't read the comments.

5. Rally of the 1000 Lakes, 1984 | finland

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: vatanen/alén/toivonen (full final results)

comments: this was definitely a rally for most of audi sport's drivers to forget: bar stig blomqvist, who came quite close to the podium finishers with a 4:14:01 to henri toivonen's 4:12:57! both hannu mikkola and michèle mouton had to retire from the race, which may lead you to wonder: why does this rank among my favorites? well, it's always fun to watch group b rally cars sailing through the air against picturesque scenery, and this video also contains an intriguing (at least for me!) look at the scrutineering process, with drivers at their most casual.

owie :( they were fine though!

4. Lombard RAC Rally, 1981 | britain

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: mikkola/vatanen/blomqvist (full final results)

comments: hannu winning by 11 whole minutes even after rolling his car in the middle of the forest is actual legend behavior! anyway this was michèle's first wrc outing in britain, and even though she and fabrizia had to retire, they still did quite well, consistently running high in the leaderboards after the first few stages. and that's considering the fact that michèle had a bad cold for much of the rally and had to ask fabrizia to drive the car to service park for her at one point bc she was so tired. which fabrizia did... with a pencil in her mouth. lot of big names in one video—also, jean todt makes an appearance as a co-driver!

shamelessly poached off of one of my text post edits

3. Marlboro Safari Rally, 1983 | kenya

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: vatanen/mikkola/mouton (full final results)

comments: ok can i just say how stunning the video presentation is?? the opening sequence is just!!! the shots of the wildlife! the sprinting giraffes! wow! anyway the visual of drivers in deck chairs just tickles me for no reason, and michèle please tell me what you ask for at the hairdresser's and also where you got that orange blouse (this is obviously not just specific to this rally, she always eats and leaves no crumbs). this was michèle's first entry and only finish in kenya (and of course it was a podium mwah). it was also her last wrc entry in the A1 quattro, as she switched to the A2 for the rest of her program in the '83 season. also this is one of my favorite podium pictures ever.

lksdjffnnkd there's almost too much to unpack... fabrizia somehow surviving in high waist jeans in a hot car... michèle's do-it-yourself shorts... this podium picture was the subject of a very frantic video chat conversation between myself and a friend at 2am a few months ago

2. Rallye de Portugal, 1982 | portugal

links: short recap (eng) | overall coverage 1, stuck in the middle of two other rallies. timestamps in descrip. (eng) | overall coverage 2, very vibey with cool music (ita... also peep walter röhrl speaking italian)

podium: mouton/eklund/wittmann (full final results)

comments: GOD I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH AAAA! michèle's first podium of '82 being a win? this rally being the one where there's footage of her going shopping with fabrizia afterward? (more on that later) them winning by 13 whole minutes? and that's not even considering THEE most poetic victory ceremony of all time! in fact let me talk about that bc the racing and the win aside, that's why it's so high up on my list! literally poetic cinema! it's night, they're standing on top of the car and floodlit and surrounded by cheering crowds but they may as well be the only ones there in their own little world, laughing at each other and barely even having to look to each other when they're raising their hands—like god! shut up! we get it you're besties 😭

i_just_think_theyre_neat.png

and now... last but certainly never least...

1. Lombard RAC Rally, 1982 | britain

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: mikkola/mouton/toivonen (full final results)

comments: firstly, if you were to ask me about my dream podium, this would be it. hands down, across all series of motorsport, my comfort podium would be hannu, michèle, and henri in any order. (there's such a cute picture of them from this rally on pinterest, standing in order on a staircase. henri is not looking at the camera because he is laughing at something michèle is saying and it's such a Vibe but i cannot find it wah). the battle for second between michèle and henri ran down to literally the last stage, and their times are separated by seconds, which is just wild to me. the context of this rally deserves another post, which i honestly don’t have the energy to make rn, but just take my word for it that it threatens to destroy me if i think about it too hard! anyway this is just such an awesome rally and i’ve watched this video so many times haha

i love this rally so much that i actually had a character in a story i was writing attend the ceremony captured in this picture as a small child and made it a formative moment in her life. no, there is nothing wrong with me.

ii. honorable mentions

(is it obvious who my faves are? yikes)

'Group B - Avec Michele Mouton' (eng) - taken from a longer feature presentation about group b, a segment specifically about michèle. a friend once described its vibes as ‘a synth wave edit of an 80s anime set in a cyberpunk world about racing’

'1983 Audi Sport National Rally with Michele Mouton' (eng) - in which michèle takes journalist sue baker as a co-driver for a spin in an A1 and a rally win. fun behind-the-scenes video

'Intervista a Fabrizia Pons, la Regina delle Note' 1, 2, 3 (ita) - very thorough interview which is mostly fabrizia telling all sorts of stories, including the very entertaining story of how she found out she was going to be michèle’s co-driver. also what a badass title

'2008 Otago International Classic Rally' (eng) - THE BESTIES REUNITE THE BESTIES REUNITE!!! michèle and fabrizia reunite for a rally that fabrizia convinced michèle to join, they suffer some problems but there are plenty of wholesome bestie moments to be had

'Michele Mouton hurls Group B Audi Quattro up Goodwood hill' (eng) - i mean, self explanatory. the sound of the chirping tires? asmr could never. very short watch if you want a quick pick-me-up

'1990 Louise Aitken-Walker feature' (eng) - a video featuring a female rally driver from scotland and her point-scoring run at the rallye monte -carlo. i am convinced that louise was john finnemore’s inspiration or at least an influence for the character of linda fairbairn. no my hat is not made of tin foil what are you talking about

hannu rocketing around michigan back in 2017 (eng)

hannu flying around goodwood in 2015 (eng)

sometimes i listen to fabrizia's recent onboards (yes, she's still at it!) and this one is one of my favorites, from 2016 (ita)

[jonsa101]

Yes, There’s Only 14 Episodes in Season 3 But Sharpwin is On Track and Progressing How They’re Supposed To.

There has been so much talk about this season’s writing and the lack of Sharpwin scenes that I thought I would just address everything in this post.

First, the writing this season is NOT BAD! In my honest opinion I actually think this season has some of the best writing in the series. Compared to season two, the writing is head and shoulders above what we got last year. More than ever before we are diving into these characters stories, seeing friendships form, getting a better look into their home life and seeing secondary characters shine! This is a good thing! These were the things that were so desperately needed in season 2 but we didn’t see this play out. I’ve said this before in my infamous season 2 rant and I’ll say it again, a show can’t solely depend on a ship! It has to have great storytelling and good character development for all of it’s main characters. This is what New Amsterdam failed to do in season two and they’re now making it up for it in season 3. The only area I would say the storyline suffered was the Cassian, Helen and Max “love triangle.” There was definitely more intent with that plot before the pandemic. Cassian was not only supposed to be a catalyst for Jealous Max and Sharpwin but he was also supposed to come in and challenge the way Max did things. Cassian’s whole thing was self care first=great patient care which was the complete opposite of Max and the two of them were supposed to clash. Obviously this completely changed due to the pandemic. You can’t have a storyline about a doctor prioritizing himself first for “better patient care”in the midst of thousands of doctors globally throwing themselves on the frontlines and even loosing their lives to COVID-19. It would have been a terrible look to have that storyline so they clearly scrapped it! What we saw was probably them trying to salvage whatever was left from the original plot while they still had Daniel Dae Kim in the limited amount of episodes for season 3.

Apart from that, I think the writers are doing a fantastic job in terms of character development this season. Arguably I would say that Iggy probably has the best storyline so far and that’s incredible for his character. Tyler Labine is acting his ass off and Iggy’s scenes with Lauren, Vijay and Martin were top tier!!! We are finally getting a Max and Reynolds bromance that was teased in season one but literally know where to be found in season two! It’s great seeing them bond on screen and I hope we get more moments with these two. We’re also seeing Reynold’s “life plan” blow up in his face and we finally have some closure with Bloom. They kept us in limbo for so long! We didn’t know if him and Bloom were truly over but now we finally know. Also, it seems like he and Evie are officially done as well and he might have a new love interest on the horizon. For Lauren, she’s clearly seems to be having a coming out story which is something I didn’t see coming at all. I’m really curious how they’re going to play this out for her and can’t wait to see it unfold. Last but not least, for Max and Helen they are both going through massive character development phases which leads me to my second point.

I love a good Max and Helen scene as much as the next person. To me they’re the ultimate ship and I want to see them thrive and flourish but just because we don’t see Max and Helen interact doesn’t mean that the show isn’t properly developing or investing in their relationship!!!!!!!!The relationship between Max and Helen is so nuanced that their relationship doesn’t hang in the balance because they don’t have more witty, flirtatious, or emotional dialogue. Don’t get me wrong, I adore those moments. Those scenes between them make us the passionate sharwpin shippers we are. At the same time though, we have to truly take a look at why the state of their relationship is where its at now and why from a narrative perspective their current interactions make sense. In order to do this, we have to take a look at where Max and Helen left off last year.

At the end of season 2, Max made a move on Helen and almost kissed her in her office. After this moment occurred he never addressed it and at the time he was still dating Alice. There’s no doubt in my mind that this was the catalyst for why Helen started dating Cassian in the first place. She had practically laid her feelings out there and told Max he was the reason she gave up half of her department. After this revelation and the massive, intimate moment he initiated in her office, he didn’t even have the decency to address it. He swept it under the rug and wanted to keep the same relationship that he had with her like nothing ever happened. Even though Helen was aware about Alice, we now know from season 3 that Helen felt a type away that Max never “officially” told Helen that he was dating her. This is IMPORTANT!!! Max and Helen did not end on a high note in season 2. In fact, the very last scenes we see of season 2 is Helen blowing off Max to go on a date with Cassian and Max breaking off things with Alice. I know this wasn’t intentional due to the season being cut short but it definitely contributes to where they are now. 

Fast forward a year later, and not only do we still have a massive almost kissed elephant in the room between Max and Helen but also the trauma of being on the frontlines of a pandemic and going through the biggest social justice movement the world has seen. This is something I’ve said many times over but I’m not sure the fandom recognizes how much these events have permanently altered these characters and changed the dynamics of this show. COVID-19 changed everything. The Black Live Matter Movement for the first time grabbed the attention of the world and changed everything too! Max and Helen are in the process of trying to heal and rebuild their lives the best they can as individuals after such a tumultuous year. At the same time, they are acutely aware of the feelings they have for each other and the UST between them and are carrying the weight of that as well. Naturally guys, the combination of all this is going to change most dynamics in a relationship. Things are awkward and distant  because Max and Helen are awkward and distant!! They have a lot of shit that they’re going through as individuals and subconsciously as a “couple.” They are clearly not in a healthy place to be as vulnerable as they once were to each other. And how can they be when their feelings have literally been eating at them for over year?! It’s hard to ignore that and try to force yourself to go back to the way things were. Especially when their feelings have “technically”  been out in the open since the end of season 2. They both know what it is! They were steps away from unleashing years of built up sexual tension between them and they went on with their lives like it never even happened. Max walking in on her and Cassian kissing in HER OFFICE and subsequently having that convo with Helen was not for shits and giggles. It triggered the BEAST of his feelings that he had fought so hard to suppress. There is no doubt in my mind that when he saw them in her office kissing, he was having some serious dejavu to their almost kissing affair last year. He‘s in love with her and she’s in love with him but this what happens when you continuously try and run away from those feelings and let it fester instead of trying to deal with it head on. The dynamic  were seeing between them now is a result of their unresolved issues and it absolutely plays into Sharpwin’s story. It doesn’t take away from it. It makes sense for where they are NOW! 

If we look at season three holistically, you’ll realize that a momentum for something significant happening for Sharpwin has been set through the acting and writing. I got to give it to Ryan Eggold. He has that fire and desire, Mr. Darcy type level acting down to a tee so far. It is so satisfying seeing Max so overcome with his feelings that you can tangibly see it in his body language and hear it in his voice. We have seen Max taken aback by Helen before but we have NEVER seen him like this. I keep on saying it but this is different guys. Something has shifted and it seems like Max is on the verge of exploding. His feeling are burning hot right underneath the surface and it’s a beautiful thing to behold. Last night’s episode was ripe with this type of content and Ryan was in his acting bag! It wasn’t an overtly “Sharpwin” episode but the writing and the acting is so clever and methodical, it will have you thinking otherwise. At the beginning of season 3 Max told Helen that he wants to build something better for Luna and something better for her. Was last night not a beautiful reflection of that? One question asking Max if he has ever loved a black woman put him in the shoes of his patient’s husband and had Max advocating for his wife like he would advocate for Helen if it was her! If that’s not fucking romantic I don’t know what it is and if the alarm bells aren’t going off that there is something deeper at play here with a huge payoff around the corner I don’t know what to tell you! Another moment that sticks out to me like a sore thumb is when Helen was telling Cassian that her brother died. I wrote about this in a previous meta of mind but Helen at her most vulnerable telling Cassian that she feels like she’s running out of time is SO SIGNIFICANT guys!!! It’s not only tell us that she fears that she’s missing out on the windows of opportunities for the wants and needs in her life but it literally sets the pacing of how quickly Sharpwin is going to progress. It is the beautiful freudian slip that tells us exactly where things are headed for these two. To me this is equivalent to Max telling Helen “I love my doctor” and “what if I want you?” in season 1. This episode had no interaction between Max and Helen but it was a MASSIVE Sharpwin indicator through and through! These are just a couple of examples but even their respective journeys in parenting is so Sharpwin driven. So in all I’m not mad in the direction the show has taken to showcase their relationship this season because Sharpwin is deeply interwoven in the storyline this year even if it’s not overtly obvious through emotional dialogue/ interactions. 

Also, one thing you have to realize is this, season three is wrapping up a lot of loose ends from season 2 and when it comes to Max and Helen these two points will be/ have to be addressed in the next six episodes.

The Almost Kiss

Whether or Not They Want To Be Together

The showrunners know without a shadow of doubt that the resolution for these two points is owed! If Sharpwin is talking about their almost kiss, there is no way that they aren’t talking about what they mean to each other and what their future looks like together. Both solutions literally go hand in hand and I promise you they are not delaying the resolution for that till season 4. It’s not happening fam. We will see this play out within the next six episodes. So in hindsight, more Sharpwin interaction are on the horizon. 

When I was making predictions about this season I wasn’t aware that this season would only be 14 episodes. I’m sad that season 3 is so short but that still doesn’t change my mind for where I think the story is going. Call me crazy but I’m sticking to my guns. There is something about how Ryan is portraying Max that is signaling something huge. Also I just trust the context clues that i believe the show is giving. I trust it! Anyway y’all! If you have any sharpwin question just DM here or message me on Twitter! my username is @oyindaodewale. 

Love you guys! ❤️

[httpjeon]

MINE FOR TODAY — KSJ (M.)

synopsis. as part of a special valentines day sale, you make a bid in hopes to get a special discounted date with one of the dreamy bachelors of club ardor. you decide to choose The Romantic. 

pairing. seokjin/reader genre. angst, fluff, smut au. fake dating!au, date-for-hire!au wordcount. 6,171 contents. sad!seokjin, lonely!seokjin, light pining, teasing, protected sex, breast play, fingering, size kink (?), scratching, overstimulation, doggy style, pet names, light aftercare note. seokjins was by far the hardest to write. i have such a difficult time writing him ): i apologize, i did my best for him!

— club ardor masterlist.

© httpjeon 2020. do not repost, modify, or translate.

Your phone let out a startling ding, making you jump as you hadn't realized you'd forgotten to silence it. Taking a look around your cubicle, you made sure no one had noticed before you pulled it out and went to put in do not disturb mode. Before you did, however, the preview notification caught your attention.

"CLUB ARDOR VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL: See Inside for Details."

As you were about to unlock your phone to take a look, you heard the light clicks of your boss's heels coming towards you. You quickly slid your phone back into your drawer and turned your attention to your screen, feigning reading something.

Her footsteps paused outside of your cubicle before she called your name. You spun around in your chair to meet her gaze curiously.

"I really need those expense reports within the next hour, can you do that?" she asked.

"Oh yeah," you nodded, turning around once again to face your desk, "I'm actually almost done, I can probably have them on your desk in 30 minutes."

"That's perfect," she smiled, "Thank you."

You returned her smile and let out a sigh once you heard her footsteps disappear. Shaking your head, you let yourself become absorbed in your work once again -- forgetting about that email you'd received.

You caught a taxi to head home, not feeling like walking even though your apartment was only 5 minutes away. Your feet were aching and you just desperately wanted to take a shower and eat dinner as you'd accidentally missed your lunch break by working through it.

It wasn't the first time you'd considered yourself a bit too much of a workaholic.

It was nearing 11PM by the time you finally were able to settle down on the couch. Your hair was freshly washed and you were wrapped in a soft bathrobe with a nice face mask.

Reclining as the TV played in the background, you unlocked your phone to check after spending most of the day without. You responded to texts and checked your social media before suddenly remembered the email you had received earlier.

"CLUB ARDOR VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL: See Inside for Details."

It sat at the top of your emails and when you opened it, you were greeted with an image similar to a party invite. In pretty, cursive font it was written; "Once in a lifetime chance to meet the man of your dreams!"

There was a link beneath it that you clicked, causing it to open a new Safari page. The search bar indicated it had taken you to clubardor.com. It wasn't the first time you'd been on the website.

You heard of it's grand opening half a year ago and went to check it out. Unfortunately, you discovered that even the most basic package was 2 grand for 12 hours. The deluxe had a price that nearly sent you into cardiac arrest.

In the end, you just signed up for newsletters and things to be sent by email.

It seemed it paid off, as you found yourself on a page detailing a Valentine's special.

For the entire month of February, they were hosting a giveaway. According to each Date's schedule, a lucky woman would be chosen from a lottery to get a date with them for just $500 instead of $2,000. The insane discount had your jaw dropping.

You weren't embarrassed to admit that you were curious about the date-for-hire service. Biting your lip, you decided to throw your hat into the ring and place a bid on the special.

"Full money-back guarantee if you're not chosen!" was written in bold letters above the credit card input.

You had no worry about being scammed, Club Ardor had risen to the top in terms of dating services in the country -- after just 6 months of activity and just 7 bachelors available. They had an excellent reputation and were known for having an extremely high-class clientele.

With your lip caught between your teeth, an excited smile on your face, you put your payment information in and hit 'Enter'.

"Thank you for your bid! Please keep an eye on your email within the next week to determine if you've been chosen! Your lottery number is 1-241-994."

You opened up your note app and typed down the number on a blank note for safe keeping.

Returning to the website, you began to do some digging into each of the men available to hire. While their pictures weren't viewable -- for safety reasons, you supposed, there was plenty of information about them.

"Each Date has full control over creating his own scene. Location, dynamic, and length of time will vary. Please speak to your Date for more information on his plans to be sure you have allotted the correct time-frame. Abide by rules and limits he sets."

You flicked through the profiles of each man, eying their listed physical and emotional qualities.

That night, you went to sleep with excitement stirring in your heart.

Somehow, you managed to work through a couple days and ended up forgetting about even signing up for it. You were working so hard to get a promotion so you could escape the shitty cubicle that somehow spending $500 completely slipped your mind.

At least, that was until you were eating a bowl of cereal at nearly 3 in the morning on a Friday night -- 6 days after you had signed up, and your phone pinged with the alert of an email. Holding the spoon in your mouth, you picked up the device and unlocked it without even looking at the notification.

You went to your email and paused when you saw the email was from Club Ardor.

With shaking fingers, you opened it.

"Below are the applicants who filed for the lottery that won. If you do not see your number, expect a monetary refund within the next 24 hours."

You clicked out and went to your note app to check the number you had gotten. Refreshing your memory, you returned to the email and scanned down the list. There were a lot of numbers listed, you quickly realized. But by some miracle, you spotted your own number listed there in the middle.

"If your number is listed, please check your email for further instructions."

You backed out of the email and refreshed, sitting up straight when you realized you had a new one from Club Ardor.

"Congratulations on winning a special night, please follow this link to register for a date with the man of your choice!"

Clicking the bright red hyperlink, you watched the screen load for several seconds and go from white to black.

You flicked through all seven of the men passing the boyfriend, the romantic, the quiet one, the playboy, the softy, the bad boy, and the alpha male. It was easy to rule out the playboy, bad boy, and alpha male -- deeming them a little too hard of scenes than what you would be able to handle.

After a bit of deliberating, you decided on the romantic. He seemed to be the oldest at 26 years old and from the silhouette of his picture, you could see he had a very nice build with hide shoulders and pretty, thin waist. You assumed he would be closer to your type and you did enjoy romance so with a couple of clicks, you were registered for a date with him.

You were brought to another page which held instructions for downloading an application called Club Ardor along with a code it told you to input.

You did as you were instructed, highly impressed with the company's extensive work on the hiring process. It was very obvious to you that Club Ardor was, in fact, suited for those of high class. The service held an obviously high regard for discretion and safety for both its bachelors and clients.

Once the app was downloaded, you opened it and found a box to enter the code you'd been given.

You were then brought to a page to input information such as your name, age, height, likes, dislikes, and preferences. After entering it all, you were brought to an empty text message thread.

Before you could attempt to look around, your phone let out a jingle and a new text message popped up.

From: Seokjin Hi cutie! Our date is set for tomorrow night. Meet me at the Club Ardor building at 7PM sharp. Wear something nice and pretty, but comfortable. Can't wait to see you!

You read the text several times, surprised by the quick work he made before typing out a response letting him know you understood. The final thing he texted was a an address to the building you would meet him at.

Thankfully, your job has required you to dress nicely for business dinners in the past so you had a decent amount of things to wear. You decided on just a flowing dress that was breathable but complimented your figure. Placing it in the front of your closet for easy access, you went through your nightly routine and got into bed.

You worked through the day, it was a Friday so you compiled the information of the entire week and input it into the data system. It kept you busy and the hours passed by quickly.

You got off at 5, having made sure you finished everything as quickly as possible so you wouldn't have to work over time.

"You're in a rush today, _____," your boss smiled as she met you in the elevator, carrying a couple files.

"I um...I have a date tonight," you confessed sheepishly, face flushing when she gasped.

"Congratulations, I hope you have a wonderful time," she said, patting you on the back, "Stay safe, I'll see you on Monday."

The elevator opened to the 3rd floor and she got off, shooting you a little wave before the doors closed again. You were dropped off at the lobby and you adjusted your bag on your shoulder, bidding a goodbye to the receptionist as you exited your building.

Grabbing a taxi, you made your way home.

As soon as you stepped out of the shower, you heard your phone go off from your bedroom. The notification bell for the Club Ardor app was extremely hard to miss.

Wrapping a towel around yourself, you wandered into your bedroom and picked the device up.

From: Seokjin [5:45PM] Super excited, cutie! Can't wait to see you!

You smiled, typing out your response immediately, "Me either! See you soon!".

You were ready earlier than you would have liked. There were still 20 minutes until you could leave and be at Club Ardor on time. You didn't want to be too early or too late.

Timing it just right, you grabbed your purse and slipped your phone into the side pocket before slipping your heels on. The Uber you called pulled up right on time as you exited the lobby of your apartment complex.

Exchanging pleasantries, you crawled into the back seat and let out a nervous breath. Of course it wasn't until you were literally on your way that the nerves would kick in.

Club Ardor came into view at precisely 6:58PM.

The building was a huge high rise building with several floors. Club Ardor was a brightly lit neon sign atop the building. The Uber pulled up to the front curb and you stepped out, checking the time to see it was 6:59PM.

As the Uber sped away, you stepped up to the door, unsure of what to do. Deciding that you should probably let him know you were there, but as you unlocked your phone, the lobby door opened and a man stepped out.

He was dressed in a tux with a bowtie and he looked around for a second before his eyes landed on you.

"_____?" he smiled, walking up to you with his hand out, "It's nice to meet you, I'm Seokjin."

"Hi, Seokjin," you greeted, noting how big his hand was in yours before he pulled away.

"My cars in the garage," he jerked his head in the direction around the building, "Do you want to come or I can pull up."

"I'll...wait here," you said, making him laugh before nodding his head.

"I get it," he waved it off and began to jog around the building.

You could hear the rev of a car engine echo from the garage before a sleek white car came into view. Seokjin got out and jogged around the car to open the door for you.

You thanked him with a soft smile before getting in, pulling the seat belt on as he slammed the door shut.

Once in an enclosed space with him, you were immediately aware of how good he smelled. An almost sweet, fruity perfume wafted off of him and if you looked closely you could see he had a lip tint on.

"So, what's the plan?" you asked, breaking the silence that had settled.

"A romantic date on the water for two," he sighed, almost dreamily.

It couldn't help but laugh, which in turn brought a bright smile onto his face. The atmosphere became increasingly less tense as Seokjin drove to somewhere unknown.

"I'm so hungry," he complained from the driver's seat, making a turn onto a less populated road, "The food is honestly to die for."

"Whoa, what is this place?" you asked, not fully hearing his comment as you watched him pull up at a parking lot near a huge lake.

"This is where our date is, silly!" he grinned, getting out of the car and rounding to open your door for you.

He took your hand, escorting you towards a pier where there was a large boat bobbing with the waters natural movement.

"Hop aboard, lovely," he kept h is hold on your hand as you got onto the boat. He followed you and tugged your hand to get you to follow him.

Your body wavered as the boat suddenly took off but Seokjin was there to steady you with a broad grin.

"Have a seat," he motioned to a small table with two chairs across from one another.

"So," you huffed a laugh as you took a seat, "When you said...dinner on the water."

"I meant it literally," he shrugged, reaching over to click a button and several strings of white fairy lights illuminated everything around you.

"Whoa," you gasped, looking around.

You could see the lights from the buildings on shore and there was a beautiful cast of the moon shining over the water. It was beautiful and as you turned your gaze back to Seokjin, you were surprised to find him leaning his chin on his hand as he watched you.

"Your eyes are sparkling," he said, an almost serene smile on his lips.

In more proper light, you could make out his features more. He had wide shoulders, pretty, plump lips and flawless skin. His eyes were sparkling as well, the dark irises looking like stars were shining within them.

"Would you like to start eating?" he asked, reaching across the table to place his hand over yours. His skin was soft and warm and it made you smile as you nodded.

Dinner was a blur, he had a few dishes available to choose from since he didn't know exactly what you would like. You chose the steak, which seemed to make Seokjin quite happy as he ordered the same thing.

You could see where his romantic title came from as he reached across the table to feed you a couple bites every once in a while. Once the main course was over, the two of you shared a strawberry cheesecake slice after he lit the candle at the end of the table.

You had a good laugh when he failed to light it a few times because the breeze kept blowing it out.

"Now, the next portion of our date I'll admit...it's a little lame," he confessed sheepishly as he walked you back to the car.

"Oh?" you climbed into the seat after he opened the door for you.

"We're going to head back to Club Ardor, drink, and watch movies," he said, turning the key in the ignition.

"It's not lame," you giggled, resting your head back on the seat, "I think it's a great way to unwind."

"I'm glad you feel that way," he said, sounding relieved.

When you finally pulled back up to Club Ardor, Seokjin was blasting music and singing obnoxiously to it. You had your hand over your mouth to keep from laughing too much. Every once in a while, he'd take a look at you and end up laughing midway through his singing.

He pulled into the garage and pulled into a parking spot that had his name on a sign in front of it.

There was a door that he had to scan a card to unlock which led into what appeared to be a lounge room. He didn't waste any time in clicking the button to call the elevator.

Seokjin was comfortable. He had such a calm, relaxing demeanor that it put you at ease.

The two of you sat on the couch and clinked your glasses together before you both downed the shot he had poured. You cringed as it burned going down your throat, leaving a horrible taste in your mouth.

A bit of a lightweight, it didn't take much to get you tipsy and soon you were both losing it over some horrible movie he had accidentally picked.

"I swear it looked good in the previews!" he argued through laughter when you teased him about his choice.

"I'm picking the next one, you've lost movie-picking privileges!" you laughed, stealing the remote from his hands, making him gasp in shock.

He immediately began to try and get it back from you, his body pressed against yours. His perfume once again and it made your eyes flutter.

Pressed against the arm of the couch with Seokjin's body dangerously close to yours, you both paused. He met your eyes, seemingly searching for something in your gaze. As you searched his, you couldn't deny how...sad they looked.

Your breath began to quicken when his face slowly got closer to yours. You could feel his breath against your lips but before they could meet, he was pulling away. He took the remote with him and took his seat beside you once again, leaving you pressing your hand to your chest as your heart raced almost painfully.

There was a terrifyingly loud alarm that rang throughout the room, making you jolt awake.

Looking at the clock, you were disgruntled to see that it was 7 in the morning. Sitting up, you realized you were in bed when you were positive you fell asleep with Seokjin on the couch.

"Hey," he said, making you jump as he suddenly appeared in the doorway, "It's 7am."

"I see that," you mumbled, sliding out of bed, still sleepy.

"Our 12 hours are up."

And just like that it was over.

However, Seokjin didn't leave your mind after that though. Even when you stepped into your apartment, you couldn't stop thinking about him.

Especially how you almost kissed.

You were, of course, aware that Club Ardor dates would occasionally participate in physical intimacy. You hadn't expected it to happen to though. You could still remember the way his scent wafted around you and how close his lips were to yours or that sad look in his eyes.

A week passed by quickly and painlessly. You fell back into a rhythm with work, giving vague replies to your boss when she asked about how it went.

Somehow, Seokjin kept slipping into your mind. You couldn't shake him.

A measly 12 hours with a man you had only just met, and he seemed to have invaded your very subconscious.

That day, after work, you decided to take a detour to a local bar. It wasn't a very big, popular bar but the people in your neighborhood frequented it quite often. The atmosphere was buzzing inside and you made to take a seat at the bar but paused when you spotted a figure you recognized. You blinked several times, making sure you weren't hallucinating him.

"Seokjin?" you asked, making him jump.

His head snapped over to look at you, his eyes wide. He took you in for a second before his face morphed into confusion.

"What're you doing here? How'd you know I was here?" he sounded defensive and it made you frown, shaking your head.

"I live in the apartment complex down the street, I stopped here after work for a nice Friday drink," you motioned to your work attire and he seemed to relax. Part of you was offended that he thought you were some kind of stalker but you supposed in his line of work, it wasn't out of the realm of possibility.

He was drinking a beer slowly, seemingly lost in his own little world as he turned away from you. You got the hint, and went to walk away from him but you stopped when he called your name.

"Um...why don't you sit with me?" he asked, motioning to the empty stool beside him.

You were relieved he asked you to join him because that's all you wanted. You took the seat and he ordered you a drink, for which you thanked him. Being in his presence again felt nice and you already began to relax.

It seemed Seokjin had been drinking there for a while. His face was a little red and he was openly giggly and friendly -- a complete difference than what he was when you first sat him sitting there.

Time flew by with him but eventually you realized it had gotten dark outside and you'd stayed far longer than you had intended.

"I really need to be going," you sighed, the words painful as they slipped out of your mouth. You didn't want to leave him, you'd thought about him so long.

"Wait!" he cried, grabbing a hold of your blouse sleeve, effectively halting you.

"What is it?" you asked, alarmed by the saddened look on his face.

"I...Can't you stay?" he asked, voice soft.

"I...I really need to get home...I've got some reports to go over for work..." you explained, wincing when you watched him visibly deflate, "You...you can come over, if you want?"

"Really?" he looked hopeful again as he hopped off the stool.

He wobbled a bit and you laughed, reaching out to steady him even though you were a little tipsy yourself.

The two of you walked outside, the cool night air hitting your heated skin and making you shiver.

"I really...I'm not supposed to go home with clients..." he mumbled, as if talking to himself, "But I guess you're not technically a client anymore, right?"

You chuckled, cheeks burning when he pulled you close against him, "I guess I'm not."

"Yeah, so it's fine!" he chuckled.

Once the two of you stepped into your apartment, things seemed to shift. He took a seat on the couch and relaxed.

It gave you a moment to take him in; he wore jeans and a t-shirt, looking even better in casual clothes than he did in formal wear.

"Do you want some hot chocolate?" you asked suddenly, unable to hold back your smile when he visibly perked up, "I'll make you some."

You disappeared into the kitchen, letting out a deep breath as you realized your heart was racing. Seokjin seemed to have the effect. He didn't even do anything and he had you flustered.

You heated up some milk in the microwave, not wanting to bother with stove top. Pouring the powder into the cup you stood and waited for the milk to be done.

Before it could finish, you felt a presence behind you that had you jumping out of your skin. Turning around, you were face to face with Seokjin's incredible visage. His brown eyes were wide, almost curious and a smile lingered on his pretty lips.

You subconsciously licked your own lips and you swear your saw his own eyes drop to your lips. The energy was tense between the two of you and his perfume was permeating off of him once again. Seokjin opened his mouth to say something but before he could the microwave beeped.

The spell was broken and he backed off, wandering back into the kitchen as you began to mix the powder and milk in the cup.

You took a seat beside him, handing him the cup before turning the TV on. The two of you relaxed, you pulled your throw blanket over you shoulders as Seokjin sipped on his hot chocolate.

As you watched him, you couldn't help but find him cute.

"Hey Seokjin?" you asked, earning a hum from him, "How come you work at Club Ardor?"

"Why do you ask that?" he questioned, frowning as he sat up straighter.

You followed suit, shrugging your shoulders, "I mean surely being a date-for-hire wasn't the job you dreamed of," your words brought a smile to his face and he let out a soft chuckle, "Plus, you're crazy good looking, funny, and charming...I'd expect someone like you to be a model or something."

"Well...thanks..." he smiled, cheeks a little red, "To tell you the truth...I've dated quite a bit but..." he seemed to deflate as he spoke, "It never worked out, they all just wanted me for my money and looks."

"How shallow..." you sighed, shaking your head in dismay.

"Eventually, I just decided to stop trying but...if I'm honest I get so lonely," his confession made you frown, "But I just...don't want to be open to anyone so...this job makes me feel loved, even if it's fake."

"You won't even try to find a girlfriend again or something?" you asked, pained at the idea of him just giving up.

He shook his head, "No one ever wants me for me. Do you think I haven't tried my hardest? It never works, I'm sick of feeling left like I'm worth less than I am."

"Seokjin..." you muttered, reaching over to place your hand over his that was curled up in a fist on his knee, "You...deserve to have someone genuinely love you. It seems impossible but...it can't be like this forever. Someone will come along that will see you for you but you can't just...shut down. You should keep trying," you squeezed his hand, feeling it relax from the fist, "Maybe you've been dating the wrong women!"

"You're right," he mumbled, surprising you, "I think someone more like you is my type."

It took a second for those words to sink in,"Wha--" you shook your head, letting out a soft laugh, "Don't tease me like that!"

"No, I really mean it, _____," he whispered, meeting your gaze. It held such conviction and sincerity that you felt your heart speed up, "I think you're beautiful and you're so sincere. When we had our date," he paused after saying the word before sighing, "I had never wanted to kiss or touch someone more than I wanted to with you. You are absolutely captivating and you don't even know it."

He shifted on the couch, turning to face his body towards you. Your proximity was closer than you expected once he faced you, if you leaned in just a bit more your noses would touch.

The tension between you rose, something hot building that neither of you could deny.

Then, his lips were on yours -- soft and warm with the taste of hot chocolate lingering on them. It wasn't even a thought to hesitate, you were immediately returning the kiss.

It became more heated as the seconds ticked by. You found yourself pinned to the couch with him above you, never breaking the kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck, tangling your fingers in his hair. Whimpering, you felt a shiver go down your spine when he softly nipped at your bottom lip.

When you pulled away, there was a minuscule thread of saliva connecting your lips. Once you met his heated gaze, you both knew what the other wanted.

The walk to the bedroom was a blur of shared kisses and wandering hands pushing clothes off. By the time you were pinned to the bed, you were both naked. 

Seokjin's pretty, plump lips found purchase on your neck, making you shiver as his breath fanned over the sensitive skin. Kisses trailed down to your chest, over your collarbones and sternum before reaching the gentle swell of your breasts. 

Your chest rose as you inhaled sharply at the feeling of his warm lips enveloping a perked nipple. His fingers caressed your skin so delicately you could almost miss it completely  

His digits dipped between your thighs to find your folds already wet. He groaned, lightly grazing his teeth against your nipple before looking up at you through his lashes.

“All this because of some kissing?” he teased, making your cheeks burn.

He huffed a laugh and moved to take your other nipple into his mouth. At that same moment, his fingers parted your folds and found your clit. You gasped, spreading your legs further for his access. 

His digits were skilled and graceful, circling your clit to make you whimper before dipping into your entrance. His fingers were long and found your sweet spot quickly, chuckling when your hips twitched upwards at the stimulation. 

He sat up, pulling away from you as he sat back on his heels. His fingers were still inside you and he eagerly watched the way your entrance stretched to accommodate his two — three fingers. 

Your eyes fluttered, rolling back in your head as he fucked you with his fingers. As a result, you missed him wrapping his left hand around his own cock, biting his lip as he finally got the stimulant he needed. 

Precum dripped down his shaft and he eagerly used it to lubricate his movements. He scissored his fingers inside you, making sure you were stretched enough to take him. 

When he pulled out, you whined at how empty you felt. 

“Have you got a condom?” he breathed, tightening his fist around his cock when you reached into your bedside drawer and pulled one out. 

You settled back, spreading your legs once again. He groaned, shuffling forward to cover your body with his. Your eyes met as the tip of this cock kissed your entrance. 

Both your mouths fell open as he sunk into you. Your tight walls squeezed him so wonderfully that he groaned. He stretched you open even more than his fingers had, giving you that wonderful burn you needed. 

He met your lips in a sweet kiss as he angled his hips toward your sweet spot. You whimpered, wrapping your arms around his shoulders to ground you as the pleasure ran rampant. He hissed, cock twitching at the sting of your nails on his back. 

His pelvic bone ground against your clit every time he sunk in, edging you closer and closer to release. Seokjin could feel the way you fluttered around him and he groaned.

Sliding a hand between your bodies, he circled the bud until you arched with a cry of pleasure. 

He eased you through the high, grinning when you trembled through the overstimulation. Finally, he slowed to a stop and pulled out. You whimpered, feeling your hole clench around nothing. 

“Roll over,” he breathed, cupping your hip to urge you onto your front.

With your face buried in the pillow and your ass in the air, you looked like a delectable treat for him. Standing on his knees, he sunk his cock back into your cunt. 

You both groaned. The angle had him hitting your spot with painful accuracy. You cried out, muffled in the fabric of the pillow, as he fucked you into even more overstimulation. Your recent orgasm had you much more sensitive and this position allowed him to abuse that. 

An almost sadistic grin crossed over his face as he enjoyed the little cries and whimpers you released the harder he fucked his cock into you. 

Reaching down, he tangled his hand in your hair. You gasped as he tugged until you were up on your knees as well. Your back was against his chest and you could feel him panting against your neck.

His lips found the junction of your neck and shoulder, nipping at the skin there. Your walls fluttered around him and he released your hair to reach around and cup your breast. 

“Fuck,” you gasped as he pinched your nipple, making your eyes roll back in your head.

“What is it, baby?” he groaned, the pet name making you flutter around him again. 

“M-Make me cum, please,” you begging, making him groan once more.

He didn't say anything further, simply slid his hand down your body until he found your swollen clit. The second his fingers touched the bud, you clenched tight around him in sensitivity. 

He circled the bud until you were trembling and gushing around him. You cried out his name as pleasure coursed through your body from your high. Seokjin didn't stop circling your clit and fucking his cock into your spasming walls until you were near tears.

He finally let you fall back down to the bed and began to chase his own high. He spread your ass cheeks apart, getting a good view of the way your cunt tried to suck him back in on every out stroke. The sight made him groan. 

It took you deliberately squeezing tightly around him tightly for him to cum. It was sudden and knocked the air out of him. He gripped your hips tightly as he spilled into the condom, his cock twitching the entire time.

Everything was still for several seconds before he pulled out. 

You rolled over to lay on your side as Seokjin got up and went into the bathroom. He came out a moment later with a wet cloth that he used to clean your thighs and folds with, laughing when you playfully smacked his shoulder from the oversensitivity. 

He finally crawled into the bed, the two of you wiggling until you were comfortable. 

You laid with Seokjin's chest beneath your head, the gentle rhythm of his heartbeat the only thing you heard. His hand softly combed through your hair and you smiled.

"This...This is what I've been needing for so long," he whispered, "No one trying to get something out of being with me. Just a sincere...caring touch."

"This is what you deserve, Seokjin," you sitting up to look at him. His hair was messed up in an adorable way that made you smile, "You can have so much more if you just...open yourself to it again."

Seokjin's gaze turns glassy as he opened his mouth to speak, "I'm just...scared."

Your heart ached when you saw a tear trickle from his eye. Reaching up, you swiped it away, "I know but...you deserve to be loved, Seokjin."

He didn't reply, simply reaching up to pull you back down into his arms. You held him in return, running your fingertips over his skin until you felt him relax as sleep finally overcame him. Adjusting yourself more comfortably, you let yourself fall asleep in his arms.

You opened your eyes to the morning sun shining into your bedroom. You licked your lips as your mouth felt dry and moved to sit up. As you did, you remembered what happened last night.

Looking beside you, you realized he wasn't in bed and the sheets were cold. Standing up, you wrapped your fuzzy robe around you and crept out of the bedroom.

"Seokjin?" you called, frowning when you received no reply.

Your heart was pounding as you made a round around the apartment to see if he left a note of anything. When you couldn't find anything, you returned to your bedroom to pick up your phone.

You froze, realizing you never actually got his phone number. You'd only communicated through the Club Ardor app.

Clicking on the icon, you waited for it to load.

Instead of being brought to your profile, you reached a page with a simple notice on it.

"Your date has filed a report, you are now blocked from using the Club Ardor service. If further contact is attempted, Club Ardor will be forced to take legal matters."

You stared at your phone for several seconds.

Everything that happened flashed through your mind -- the way he kissed you and confessed his feelings of loneliness and hurt to you. You wondered if any of it was true. Were you a game to him?

Your view of the notice on your screen became blurry as you realized you would never know.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

10 More Little Details from JATP.

I made this post a few days ago about all the little details I had spotted in JATP and I said that there were probably more that I had missed, well I found more that I missed. Again most of these are probably old news to most people but they are new to me and I always get excited about the details, the nitty gritty of a show and I over analyse everything so I figured I would share all my thoughts with you guys. Obviously there are spoilers. I’m going to start off with some smaller details first just some funny little things I spotted then we can take a trip down the rabbit hole and really go crazy with the whole over analysing thing.

1) Starstruck. 

Hey you remember this truly iconic and amazing scene where Willie and Alex literally fall for each other? 

Well I think considering how much chemistry was going on in that scene I can be forgiven for not noticing this at first but the star on the ground next to them has the name Dave Hoge written on it and I kept thinking the name sounded familiar. 

Then I remembered that David Hoge is the name of one of the producers on the show so I think this is in relation to him unless there’s another Dave Hoge that I don’t know about. 

2) Post It’s. 

Speaking of little details floating around in the background. If you’ve read my other posts I talked about how Luke’s missing person poster was behind him when he was eating the hotdog. Well there’s another interesting poster right next to it. Unfinished business at the orpheum. Also note that the date on the unfinished poster is Dec 1994 and we know that Luke ran away from home in december which coupled with its proximity to his missing persons poster makes me think that his unfinished business has something to do with his parents. 

Also later in episode 3 when Alex and Willie are talking on the bench there are so more fun posters behind them. 

Ok so if you can pull your eyes away from the beauty of Willex for a moment (I know its hard) you can see that one of the posters says detention and a second that says Small Dark Room and again mentions the orpheum. Obviously this is a throwback to when the boys were detained in a small dark room before being pulled back into the world by Julie. But another thing worth noting is that the Small Dark Room poster has a purple background and you are going to get tired of me saying this but purple is associated with magic, know of any magician’s in the show? I can’t help but wonder if Caleb was actually keeping them detained in that room for some reason waiting until he needed them, the purple could indicate that magic was what trapped them there. 

3) Poisoned Hotdogs? 

One of the theories I had was that the boys didn’t die from food posioning but that Caleb had actually heard them play whilst they were alive and decided that he wanted the band right there and then, so he posessed Sam the hot dog guy and actually poisoned the boys. Since then I have found some evidence that might back up that theory. If you look again at that detention poster above, undeneath in yellow writing is the word toxic. So the posters if you put them all together actually spell out a sequence of events, Toxic as in the boys are poisoned, detention and small dark room as in they were trapped in the small dark room, unfinished business, they come back and are released from that small dark room because they have unfinished business. Still not convinced? Well how about this in the episode when they find out about Bobby, Luke is wearing a shirt that says poison on the back. Coincidence? Hmm I think not.

4) Tell Me What You’re Longing For. 

So in episode 2 when Julie comes home and finds the boys in her room each of them seem to be obsessing over a particular object. On the surface this just seems like a funny scene but when you look a bit deeper the objects that each of the boys choose actually says a lot about each of their characters and where they are at mentally and emotionally in that moment. 

Alex for example has fixated on the photo of Julie and her mum and is trying to pick it up. It seems to me that Alex has chosen this particualr object because its what he longs for with his own parents. In the photo its a happy little girl and her mother is kissing her and showing her affection. Also the boys know a little about Julie’s mum at this point and so they know how supportive and loving she was to Julie. We know that after Alex told them he was gay his parents, well Luke says they were never cool again, but we can guess that they didn’t show Alex much love and affection after that. This obviously would have really hurt Alex. Another reason why I don’t think Alex got much affection from his parents is because when Julie was crying after singing Wake Up Alex’s first instinct was to hug her, he also reprimands the boys for not hugging him when he was crying in that room for 25 years, this shows that a hug was something that he wanted. Also he always seems surprised whenever Willie would take his hand like its something he’s not used to. He hesitates before hugging Willie in episode 9 seeming to be conflicted and unsure before he finally gives in and just sinks into Willie, I mean to me it just seemed so desperate like he needed that contact but because he was never really hugged by his parents he is unsure about whether its ok or not. Also the most telling of all is also in episode 9 when he asks if they can try that hug thing again. Basically I don’t think Alex’s parents hugged him enough if at all and so when he sees that photo of a mother showing love to her child he is drawn to it as its something he has always wanted. 

If we move onto Luke, he is trying to get his hands on Julie’s dream box. Again this is really in line with his character. We know that Luke is all about following your dreams. Also we find out that Julie stores her song lyrics in that box and we all know how passionate Luke is about writing and music. I do find it kinda funny that Luke zeros in on the one thing in the room that’s connected to Julie’s music. It’s like he’s got a radar that could sense that that was where Julie had hidden her music away. Also in my previous post I mentioned the connection between Caleb and Greek Mythology well this could be another nod at Greek Mythology. It could be a nod to pandora’s box. Today pandora’s box has a lot of negative connotations around it, how many times have you been warned not to do something in case you open pandora’s box? It’s this idea that bad things will be let into the world. However in the myth Pandora shuts the box and locks hope inside of it. The myth tells us that its this hope that helps the humans get through all of the hardships that had come from the box so it does kinda have a happy ending or I should say a hopeful ending. It’s interesting to me that Julie says that the box is just full of things that don’t make her sad. Julie has all of the bad things out in the world with her and has locked hope away in that box. Just like Zeus says to Pandora, Julie tells Luke not to open the box, and just like Pandora, Luke ignores her and does open that box. When he does he releases hope and happiness back into Julie’s life. But its not just Julie that locks her emotions up, Luke does too. He is ignoring his feeling about his parents and his regrets, he trys to ignore his feelings about Julie too, however one emotion he does let out is his anger at Bobby. I think when it comes to Luke you could say that he himself is the box but that he is the opposite of Julie in the sense that he’s keeping all of these negative emotions trapped inside and has locked hope out. Julie is the one who opens that box for him and lets those emotions go when she helps him feel connected to his parents, before he thought he had no hope of ever being able to make things right with them again but Julie shows him that he can. She does it again when all the boys have resigned themselves to their fate because they don’t think there is any hope that they’ll be able to play the orpheum and therefore complete their unfinished business. But then Julie shows up to snap them out of it and remind them that there is still hope and not to give up. She comes up with a plan and gives hope back to them just as they did for her. We know that Luke longs for a connection to people through music and this is exactly what he gets from that box he finds a connection to Julie through their joint pain at losing their mothers, the pain that helps them write the songs for the band and eventually find hope. 

Ok so then we come to Reggie. At first glance it doesn’t look like Reggie is doing anything at all, I mean he’s just laying on the bed. But actually this too can be significant to his character. He’s not just laying on the bed he is stroking the bed sheets and looks very relaxed and content, he’s got his eyes closed and he’s just enjoying the comfort he’s feeling. I think this tells us that what Reggie is longing for is home. Reggie seems to enjoy anything to do with the home. We know that Reggie likes to spend his time more in the house with Julie’s family than he does out in the studio. He also made that comment about liking showers and the occasional bath, I don’t know about you guys but when I think about home I think about warm baths and cozy beds and hanging out with my family, those home comforts so to speak. These are all the things that Reggie is drawn to. Also if you think about the country song he wrote its called Home is Where My Horse Is. Again he’s thinking about home. The scene where the boys get emotional about Ray talking to Rose is also significant. I mean when you think about this is a man who is talking about his home and the memories he made there with his family and who is faced with leaving his home when he clearly doesn’t want to leave. Reggie’s reaction to this is to go back to his own home, to go see his parents. When he gets there its to find his home is gone. We know this hurts him because it comes up again later when they find out Bobby has stolen their songs, after Luke says it’s not about the money Reggie points out that if Bobby has shared with their families maybe his home wouldn’t have been turned into a bike shop. Losing his home is hitting Reggie hard and so when they all return to Julie’s room the thing that draws Reggie in is that feeling you get from being in bed at home.

Each object the the boys choose are representing what each of the boy is longing for most. Alex longs for a loving parent, Luke longs for a connection to someone through music and Reggie is longing for home.  

5) Gone with the Wind.

This is one that is probably really obvious but in episode 1 when julie goes to the studio as she opens the doors a breeze rushes out. We know from the fact that she apologises for not going there that this is likely the first time she has visited since her mom died. I think this breeze is like her mother’s spirit is rushing out and into the world. 

You can see that the breeze is moving from the inside out from the direction Julie’s shirt is rippling. I like to think that once her spirit was released Rose got to work right away putting all those little clues/ dahlias about the place. 

6) Sunflowers. 

In episode 9 within the first few minutes we get several images of sunflowers.

 First when Alex is talking to Willie there’s some flowers outside of a shop, then when they go into the Orpheum’s office place there’s a vase of sunflowers on the desk, when they get back to the studio you can see that there is another vase of sunflowers on the unit behind the boys and then finally Julie is wearing a top with a sunflower on it. Sunflowers represent loyalty and are also another connection to greek mythology. The story of the origin of the sunflower goes that a woman named Clytie fell in love with the sun god Apollo. There are different versions of the myth and in some versions Apollo loves her back but then falls in love with someone else and in others he never loves her back. But in every version the outcome is the same Clytie is turned into a sunflower and she is so in love and loyal to Apollo that she continues to watch him fly across the sky in his chariot every day. This is why sunflowers are associated with adoration and loyalty. But the Myth also tells the story of loving or wanting something that you can’t have. This theme comes up alot in the show. First with Julie and Luke, its that star crossed love, they have feeling for each other but one’s a ghost and the other is a lifer. But I actually think the sunflowers are a hint at what was to come in the episode. Afterall the yellow of the sunflower is symbolic of friendship so I actually think Caleb is the one that wants something he can’t have. He wants the band but ultimately he can’t have the band because of the loyalty and friendship they have with Julie. 

7) It’s All About The Accessories. 

Another thing I noticed on rewatch is that several of the characters have necklaces that might have some significance. The first I want to talk about is Luke. Luke is nearly always wearing this necklace. 

  I think the only time he isn’t wearing it is at the end of episode 9 when he is that suit outfit. Now I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on semi-precious stones because I’m not but I do have an interest in them and their symbolism and properties. I’m fairly sure (though not certain) that this is Agate, or more specifically Black Agate. Now if I’m right and this is Agate then it could have some really interesting symbolism. Agate is used as a grounding stone, it’s suppose to help keep you grounded and balanced. It brings stability. We know that something is grounding the boys to this earth, to be clear I’m not saying its the stone but that the stone is symbolic of that connection that is keeping them here and connected to Julie. Agate is also suppose to help with emotional trauma and black agate is often given in times of bereavement to help ease the pain of grief. We know that Luke is grieving about losing his mother and father and seeing them grieve for him, so its really interesting to me that he is wearing a stone that is meant to help ease that pain as that is exactly what happens, through his song Unsaid Emily he is able to bring some comfort to his parents and ease their pain, in doing so he also eases his own pain. Another propeity of agate is that its suppose to protect agaisnt evil curses. Again this connects to Caleb and the curse he puts on the boys and how ultimately that curse is broken, Julie protects the boys with her love. So I think this stone not only represents Luke but also represents Julie and how she protects and brings comfort to the boys and Luke in particular. Another interesting thing about Agate is that it is closely related to the moon. Why is that interesting you might ask well because of this... 

Julie is also nearly always wearing the same necklaces, one I think is a saint or virgin mary, the second is her name with a flower, which I think indicates the deep connection she has with her mother and the third has moons. The moon is often associated with magic and like said agate is closely related to the moon, It is another link between Luke and Julie and the ‘magic’ that connects them. I mentioned in that previous post that Julie often wears the colour purple which is also associated with magic but more on that later. Again I think its really interesting that both Julie and Luke wear necklaces that can be connected to the other. 

But I don’t think they are the only characters that wear necklaces that might be linked. The next one I want to talk about is Willie.

We often see Willie wearing this key on a chain around his neck. The most obvious symbolism here is that Willie is the key to something. It could be that it symbolised how Willie was the key to bringing the boys to the Hollywood Ghost Club or the fact that he was the key to finding out more about the ghost world in general, I mean Alex and by extension the boys learn alot from Willie. I like to think its also because he is the key to Alex’s heart but that’s probs just my shipper heart influencing me. Another thing it could symbolise is maybe Willie is the key to their unfinished business somehow. I am really curious to know what the key goes to I mean keys unlock things. Like...

 you know padlocks. I do think there might be some connection between one character wearing a key and another a padlock which is opened by a key. It could be a hint that Willie and Flynn will have some kind of connection, maybe they will have to work out a mystery together or act as a team to help the band and the only way they can do it is by working together. I also think the fact that Flynn is wearing the padlock is signifcant. Padlocks to me represent safety and security, you put a padlock on something that you want to protect or keep secure. Interestingly the name William means protector or warrior. I do think that Willie and Flynn will have an important role to play in protecting the band. Ok so next lets talk about Alex. 

 Alex also has a necklace that he wears often. His is a simple gold chain. But again I think it has some symbolism to his character. Chains have been a symbol of everlasting love and life since ancient times, its the circle that never ends. We are all pretty sure that its the bands everlasting love that saves them from Caleb in the end. Also Willie’s love for Alex (and yes I’m saying love) is what leads to Willie trying to save them too. But chains also have a negative connotation, one of opression. As I talked about earlier Alex has been judged for being gay and likely faced alot of opression due to his sexual orientation. Chains are also symbolic of inprisonment which again links into Caleb’s plan to trap the boys at his club. Gold is also associated with purity as it never tarnishes or rusts and well is there a more pure soul than Alex’s? Something else that is interesting is that in many cultures gold was used in burials as it is said to protect the souls in the afterlife which is similar to Luke’s Agate necklace which is also used during times of bereavement. Another thing that is similar between Gold and Agate is that gold is also said to protect against curses and is often related to magic.  So lastly we have Reggie. 

 Gonna be honest this one was a little harder and I spent a little while studying the necklace and doing a little bit of research, the reason why this one was harder is because there seem to be three different materials at play here. There’s the light blue beads, the dark blue beads (which I thought were black at first they’re not) and the metal pendant. But lets start with the light blue beads, to me they look the most like blue calcite. Again not an expert but if it is blue calcite it again has some interesting symbolism to it because blue calcite is often used to enhance psychic powers so that you can commune with the spiritual world. I mean obviously this is symbolic of the fact that Julie is able to see and communicate with our ghostly boys. The dark blue beads I think are lapis lazuli, again if I’m correct then this is another stone that is used during burial because it is thought to protect and guide spirits in the after life. It also like gold and agate is said to protect, it protects you agaisnt psychic attack and said to be able to block curses. The metal pendant was the hardest part for me, at first I thought maybe it was silver but to me it looks too dark and dull to be silver. What it could be though is lead. And yup you guessed it lead is also linked to death as well as spells. 

So yeah pretty much every character has a necklace that has some kind of symbolism around it and even more curious than that alot of them can be connected to each other. All three of the boys have stones or metals that are meant to protect and are associated with both death and spellwork. Those stones also link back to the moon. The other thing worth pointing out is that Willie also wears a shell necklace which obviously can be connected to the ocean which is also connected to the moon. Gold can be connected to the sun and Lapis Lazuli is also often connected to the sun, the sun is often connected to the moon as they both represent cycles and opposites, willie wears a key that connects to Flynn’s padlock, basically all of them can be connected to each other in some way. But of course I could be reading way too much into this and they’re really are just pretty necklaces. 

8) Cats and Dogs. 

Speaking of accessories I do want to go back and focus on Flynn again for a moment. One thing I noticed about Flynn is that its not just the padlock that is a consistent thing with her outfits. She is often also dressed in clothing that has cat prints. She also has cats on her backpack and in episode 2 she wears a necklace with a cat on it along with her padlock necklace.   

Rmemeber earlier when I said I thought Flynn would play the part of a sort of protector to the band well as you can see Flynn often wears leopard print, in African lore the leopard is said to be the guardian of the dead and is said to show the way to the next realm. There is a similar myth in Ancient Eygptian culture through the cat goddess Bastet, whilst she had many forms throughout time and many duties one of which was to protect and guide. Another interesting thing about this goddess is that she was also the goddess of women’s secrets. We know that Flynn is the only one that Julie told about the band. Also leopards are seen as a counselor in the spirit animal world a role that Flynn often plays for Julie. The leopard represents your psychic self and future telling. Again this fits Flynn’s story as it is her who figures out that Julie’s mother is leaving signs and working behind the scenes so to speak. 

But whilst it seems to me that cat’s are more heavily associated with Flynn’s character its not the only animal that can be linked to Flynn. She also is sometimes seen with dog imagery. She sometimes carries a dog purse.

Since ancient times dogs have been considered to be psychic and also able to see ghosts. This could be a hint that in season 2 Flynn will also be able to see the boys. Also like the cat the dog in ancient greek mythology is associated with the dead and is also a guardian for the afterlife, hades has a three headed dog named cerberus that guards the gates to the afterlife. 

Other cat/ dog imagery can be seen in those posters I mentioned earlier. 

Of course this could all be just a coincidence and might not mean anything at all. But what else is interesting about these posters is if you look at the cat one again, it’s accompanied by a poster showing someone playing music and what to me looks like a spirit type thing appearing. Then there’s the one with the cat right under it which is interesting because the poster says mammoth offspring on it but that defo looks like a cat to me not a mammoth. As a slight tangent though the mammoth thing could be a reference to the talk about bringing the wooly mammoth back from extiction, its symbolic of that idea of bringing back to life something that has been long dead. Anyway under that there’s a poster of a woman with a moon in the sky and the words acting moon. Cats are often closely related to the moon and both the moon and cats are closely related to witchcraft. What does that matter you might ask? Well...

9) So we’re going with witch?

Remember that hilarious scene in episode 1 when the boys are discussing how Julie got all her stuff in their studio so fast Reggie offers up the suggestion that Julie is a witch because there are chairs floating on the ceiling. Luke is inclined to agree with him at first before Alex shoots them down. I think this is another one of those scenes where you just think its a funny moment but then when you think about it makes perfect sense. I mean I legit think Julie is a witch, or at least she has some kind of magic. There are so many things that link her with magic. I already talked earlier about the moon necklace she wears. But she also has a moon on her jeans in episode 1. 

Again the moon is heavily linked with magic. Also there is the fact that her companion Flynn seems to be linked to cats and witches often have cats as companions/ familiars. 

As I said earlier the colour purple is representative of magic well the first time Julie makes the boys appear to an audience in Bright the light that the technician sets on her is purple meaning Julie literally glows purple before she does this magical act of making the boys visible. 

A similar thing happens before their performance for Finally free though its not as intense. But you can see that purple glow around her. 

And again, whilst its more subtle, for Edge of Great when Julie is coming out of the studio the light in the studio is purple and once again she appears to be glowing purple.  

Also this would again put her as an equal rival for Caleb. We know that he is a magician so in my opinion it would make sense for Julie to posess some kind of magic, like I said her and Caleb are opposite sides of the same coin. So yeah in conclusion Reggie and Luke are right Julie is a witch.

Edit: Also I forgot to add this one in but in episode 9 she is wearing a top that says ‘Mystic Child’ on it along with flowers and moons and stars. 

 10) All Eyes On Bobby.   

So the final thing I want to talk about is Bobby/ Trevor. Don’t ask me why because I would not be able to tell you but I can’t help but be intrigued by his character. I wonder why he did what he did, why did he steal the songs and not give the others any credit? Did he grieve his friends? Or are they trying to paint him as like this villian who doesn’t care about anyone? Well I actually think we can get some answers to these questions from a rather interesting place. His daughter’s song All Eyes On Me. If you take some of the lyrics and put them in a different context I really do think they can be linked back to Bobby. There are several connotations to stealing, ‘I'm stealing all the attention’ or another one is ‘Stealing looks, it's robbery’ and another one ‘ I'm taking over your playlist’ I mean bobby really did take over Luke’s playlist in the sense that he took all the songs. So now that we’ve established that this song could very well be hinting at bobby what else can the song tell us about his motives and mindset. Well there is that section ‘ They don't get the shine that I get, Some get jealous, They can't help it, They wish they were me.’ I actually think this part is about Luke. Julie says that whilst the album he released of Luke’s songs did really well his other albums weren’t as good. Now she doesn’t say that they are bad just that they weren’t getting the same attention Luke’s were. This also tells us that Bobby like Luke also wrote songs. But I think that Luke’s songs always got more attention and praise and over time Bobby began to gain some jealousy towards Luke because as the song says Bobby doesn’t have the shine that Luke does and Bobby wishes he was Luke. More evidence in the song that Bobby felt this way comes from the opening lines ‘ Whenever I walk in the room, All the focus on me, The way I talk, the way I move, They all want on my team.’ I feel like this might have happened alot, that Luke would just get loads of attention whenever he walked into a room and everyone wanted to talk to him. Then if you look at these lines ‘ I make an entrance when I don't try, don't try, Cause all I see is all eyes on me, I only lead, I never follow, follow.’ Again this could be a hint at how Bobby was feeling towards Luke at that time like Luke got everything easy, he could get attention without trying. Also I’ve always got the vibe that Luke was the leader of the band and so its possible the line about only leading never following could be that Bobby felt that Luke wasn’t paying enough attention to his ideas and was starting to feel a little bit of resentment towards him. Maybe he was also feeling a little like he was in the boys shadows. It’s worth noting that in the song Now or Never whilst Luke, Alex and Reggie all have solo pieces where they sing Bobby doesn’t, yet we know he must be able to sing, I don’t care how good Luke’s lyrics were if Bobby couldn’t sing he wouldn’t have got a platnium record. I think some of this can be picked up in that beginning scene with Sunset Curve and Rose. Bobby is the first one to approach her but then the rest of the group comes over and despite approaching her first he ends up being the last one to give her his name. Also most of the interaction happens between Rose and Luke, Alex and Reggie with Bobby barely speaking at all. I do feel like whilst all the boys were close Bobby was a bit more of a timid one around the others and didn’t stand up for himself or his ideas like the others do. For example we know that Alex and Reggie will push back against Luke. When Luke tells Reggie to stop putting his country songs in his journal you can guarantee this isn’t the first time he’s had to tell Reggie that, also when he says it Reggie just retorts that its a gift and he should have another look at it. This shows that Reggie isn’t afraid to pitch his ideas to Luke even if Luke says no. Also when Luke tells Alex no dancing and Alex just immediately starts dancing as a retort. I get the sense that it wasn’t the same with Bobby. Now don’t get the wrong idea I’m not saying in any way that the boys bullied or deliberately pushed Bobby out more that Luke, Alex and Reggie kind of have this banter and they bounce off each other but it seemed to me like Bobby struggled with this and just couldn’t keep up with it. During the conversation with Rose you can see that Bobby looks a little annoyed and you can understand why, he works up the courage to talk to this girl and instead his bandmates kind of take over the conversation which is why he reminds them about the hot dogs I think he figured if they were gone he’d be able to have a more comfortable conversation with her.  

Which brings me to my next question, how did Bobby react to his bandmates deaths and did he ever feel any guilt about stealing the songs. Well on the surface his actions right after seem a bit suspect and there is that line in All Eyes On Me ‘Must have won the lottery’ which if we take this song as actually being about Bobby then it could be construed as he was kinda happy that his band mates died that he almost saw it as a stroke of luck. I mean couple that with the fact that right after their deaths he layed low and changed his name plus the fact that he stole their songs it doesn’t look like he cared all that much and I’ll admit for a hot minute there that is the image I had of him. But then I looked closer and actually there are quite a few signs that Bobby isn’t as fine and dandy as he first seems. One example is the fact that he meditates, meditation is often used by people with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and insomnia. I’m not saying that just because he meditates he must have some metal health issue just that its a possibilty especially when you combine it with the other hints. For example after the guys haunt him and he rushes out telling Carrie that he’s going to see his therapist, Carrie rolls her eyes. I get the feeling from this that seeing his therapist is something that her dad does often which again could indicate that he was more effected by his bandmates deaths than we know. Another subtle hint that he might be still struggling with their deaths is that we see him returning from a run in episode 9 that along with the meditating and the therapist tells us that he cares about his health and wellness which you know good things but its possible that the reason why he cares so much is because his friends died at a really young age which was traumatic for him and made him think about his own mortality and so he maybe becomes a bit obsessed with his health. Also him laying low and changing his name can be explained by the fact that the press were looking for him we know that from the article Julie read in the pilot. Bobby had just lost his friends and I’m sure the last thing he wanted was the press asking him a load of questions and there’s a good chance he knew that they were looking for him. He and Rose probably exchanged numbers at the Orpheum and seeing as the band were going to play there it wouldn’t be a stretch to think reporters would have gone there to see if they could get a way of contacting Bobby. Rose could have called Bobby to warn him and this is why he changes his name not to cover his tracks because he stole Luke’s songs but because he was avoiding the press so he could grieve in peace. I think he then might have then tried to get his music out there after some time deciding the guys would have wanted him to keep chasing his dreams. But he runs into a problem of nobody is all that interested in his songs, I think in a moment of desperation he plays one of the bands songs, he goes back to something familiar and they love it. He tells one little lie and then it snowballs to the point where he can’t take it back without causing irreparable damage to his reputation. I could see him trying to justify his actions to himself by telling himself that the songs belonged to the band and that he had as much right to them as the boys and well the boys weren’t here so what was the harm. As to why he didn’t give credit to the band it was probably because he knew that if he gave credit he would have to explain what happened to them and then their tragedy would haunt him for the rest of his life, the media and fans would all bring it up, maybe he just thoguht he wouldn’t be able to deal with that pain and so he just stays quiet and then he just gets buried in the lie, the record label wants more songs so he records more and more of Luke’s songs and then when he has enough of a name and loyal following of fans he starts recording his own songs. The reason why I think it went down like this is again from the song All Eyes On Me the verse ‘They know my face, They know my name, Reputation on lock, It's not my fault I got the fame, Ain't my fault it won't stop.’  The beginning part about knowing his name and his reputation on lock makes me think that after that first album he had enough of a reputation to secure himself and that he no longer needed Luke’s songs and I think at this point that guilty consious really kicks in and he decides not to record anymore of Luke’s songs. I really do think Bobby chose not record anymore as we know that he didn’t record all of Sunset Curves songs, he didn’t record bright, finally free or unsaid emily (thankfully) and he could have which to me suggest it was a consious decision on his part to stop. If he really was money hungry and all he cared about was fame and money then he would have recorded the rest of their songs. Another reason why I think Bobby has a bit of a guilty conscious is the line ‘It’s not my fault I got the fame.’ That to me sounds like something someone might say to try and convince themselves that they are not guilty of something, like Bobby is trying to justify his actions by saying that it wasn’t his fault that they died and he lived to go on and be successful, that it was just luck, which would circle back to the line ‘must have won the lottery’ this isn’t about celebration a lottery is about sheer dumb luck and he is recognising that. But here’s the thing that sealed it for me and convinced me that Bobby isn’t this completely heartless person who never cared about his friends. 

Just look at this guys face. This is right after the boys appear on stage in Stand Tall. Look his expression isn’t one of jsut shock to me that is the face of a man who is grieving, who is feeling pain at the loss of someone he loved. I mean he looks devastated and his eyes are welling up, this is pure emotion and you’ll never convince me that this is the face of someone who didn’t love those boys like they were family. 

I do want to say though that I in no way condone what Bobby did, he either should have given them credit or not recorded the songs. I’m just trying to explain what I think his thought process was during that time and point out that this image that he is some fame hungry monster isn’t entirely true. I do think that we could see him getting a redemption arc in season 2 and maybe some rifts can be mended. 

I also think that Carrie will get a redemption arc and will make up with Julie. I do think there is alot of parallels between Sunset Curve and Carrie and Julie. It’s the same story of they were really close friends but then they have a falling out and end up as enemies. I think this is way they use Carrie’s song to tell the story of Bobby and the boys. Another reason why I think they are going to possibly get a redemption arc or at the very least play a bigger part in season 2 is because of the flowers, those little signs that Julie’s mum likes to leave. In episode 9 when Bobby comes in and sees Carrie watching that video on the table is a boquet of flowers, of white roses, white orchids and lilys.

Lilys obviously have a lot of symbolism of remembrance but they also represent rebirth and renewal. Orchids in some cultures represent unity and white orchids are said to represent hope. The roses I obviously think is a connection to Julie’s mum but white roses symbolise new beginnings. This makes me think that there is hope for a new beginning for Bobby, Carrie and Julie and the Phantoms. I do think it’ll be the memory of Rose that brings them all together after all Bobby knows that Rose/ Julie’s mum is the girl they were talking to in the pilot. I think he’ll tell the boys this and I think each of their connections to Rose is what will help mend the rifts between them all.  

Ok well that’s it for now because this post is getting way way too long. If you have taken the time to read all the way through this then thank you, let me know what your theories and thoughts are I’d love to hear them. I’m definitely going to be posting more about JATP its my current obession right now the next post is going to be about Alex and Carrie and how I think they might have some kind of plotline in season 2 so keep an eye out for that if you think that is something you would be interested in.  

[tickle-bugs]

I had two people ask for some advice on starting up/running a blog, so I thought I’d make a little post for anyone else looking for advice! There’s no one right way to run a blog and I am by no means an expert. This is just a compilation of some of the things I’ve learned :) 

Feel free to add advice to this!

- The first thing is something I cannot stress enough. Write for yourself first. You will be absolutely miserable if you’re only writing for attention. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s so incredibly important. If you don’t like a prompt, fandom, or scenario? You don’t have to write for it! A personal example: I’m a theatre kid and total musical nerd. I could probably write some compelling Dear Evan Hansen or Hamilton headcanons if I wanted to, but I don’t. That’s fine! I’m allowed to say I won’t write for it and deny prompts/requests for those fandoms. 

- Set boundaries. This is a very mixed community with all sorts of creators and participants with hands in different baskets. Don’t want minors to interact? Put minors DNI in your bio. SFW only? Put it in the bio. No RP? Bio. This goes for private conversations/askbox/other interactions as well. If someone comes into your askbox/dms and says something that makes you uncomfy, shut it down. 

- My advice is more geared towards writing than art or video, but I suppose you could apply this advice as well. Make what makes you happy! If you’re only in one fandom, feel free to stay there and make content for it. Multi-fandom? Excellent! Completely non-fandom? Epic! Make the content that you want to see and the content that makes you happy to create, especially if you’re in a more niche fandom/area. 

- Organization. ...I’ll admit this one is more of a personal pet peeve than something urgent, but it is something that people positively respond to. If you have some sort of consistency/organization to your blog, it’ll make it easier and more enjoyable for people to navigate. Make a fandom list/indicate your fandoms somehow (mostly for prompt purposes. people can’t read your mind, so it’s important to tell them what you will write for and what you won’t, however you want to do that)! 

Make a masterpost/link your fic tag! Use a fic tag of some kind. Give your fics summaries and leave a little bit of the fic above the ‘read more’ to intrigue folks (look at #my fics and my masterpost for basic examples of how I do this, if you need!). Use read mores. Please use read mores (if you can, idk if they’re on mobile. regardless no one wants to encounter a three thousand word block of text on their dash). (No seriously though, organize your blog, even if it’s super simple. literally just a ‘mine’ or ‘my fics’ or ‘[pseud] writes’ and a fandom tag. It’ll make it easier for people to find your stuff and support you)

- Practice general internetiquette. Please remember that the people in this community are real people with feelings, boundaries, and lives outside of the blog that they run. Be genuine and people will respond to you! Don’t manipulate people into likes/reblogs/attention. No one wants to be on the other end of that. Being in this community isn’t a transaction or a mosh pit, it’s an experience.  

- Be ever-so-liberal with the block button. Someone’s user makes you uncomfortable? They give you bad vibes? They’re a minor/older than you and you don’t want them interacting with your content? You don’t wanna see their blog for some reason? Block em. This goes for anons too. That’s what the button is for. Don’t feel guilty for using it. Use it. 

- How you write is 100% a personal choice and not really something that I can give advice on, but embrace your style! take prompts if you want, or don’t. Write oneshots, series, drabbles, or novels. Write romantic, or don’t. Etc. Change things up if you feel like it. Do what you want. Your blog, your style, your rules. 

- Numbers matter. Don’t let them define you. This is a bit of a harder one to explain, but I will try. I often say that I don’t care about numbers, and I really don’t, but that’s not to say that I don’t see them and they have zero effect on me. I absolutely notice and am bummed if a fic doesn’t get notes, or at least the notes that I was expecting. That is entirely normal and okay to experience. What isn’t okay, though, is creating for the sake of getting notes/numbers/attention (re: write for yourself first, internetiquette). If you find yourself relying on tumblr for gratification and a reward, I implore you to take a break. I’m not your therapist or your parent, I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but when you make things only for the sake of notes, people notice. Celebrate your milestones. Know that it’s okay to be bummed about low notes/celebrate getting plenty. Just make sure that you don’t depend on the numbers for your happiness, or you will be miserable.

- You’re (probably) doing this for free. You are providing people content: a service. Produce as much or as little as you’re comfy with, but always remember that. No one is entitled to what you make. If someone asks you for headcanons, sends a prompt when prompts are closed, etc, and you don’t feel like fulfilling it? You have no obligation to do that. Getting commissioned is another story entirely, but as long as you’re making free content, you have zero obligation to do anything for anyone and certainly no time constraints. It can take me months to finish prompts, and that’s okay. I do them when I do them and I fill them how I want to. If my prompts are closed, I deny new ones until I’m ready to accept them. Make yourself happy first.

- How you interact with others is up to you! It’s generally considered good practice to like/reblog your mutuals fics/art, but this is not necessarily a hard and fast rule. I veeeeeery rarely reblog fics for fandoms that I’m not in, even from my mutuals. What you can do to show your support (and you should try and show support somehow. No one is in competition. Everyone’s in your boat, whether they have no followers or 1k) is send an ask/reply to the post/leave tags to let the author know you liked it. Like the fic and don’t reblog it, if you don’t want to. Just make sure you show your mutuals (and others in general!) roughly the same support they show you, however you decide to do that. Treat others how you want to be treated, as cheesy as it sounds :)

- Don’t repost content that isn’t yours without express permission from the original creator, and credit them appropriately. If you see a cute piece of tickle art and the artist doesn’t want it reposted? Don’t repost it. Don’t post fics/videos/gifs that aren’t yours (obviously if it’s like a scene from a movie/a clip on youtube that’s different, but don’t take credit for things you didn’t make, including ideas). Can’t tell you how frustrating it is to have work stolen from you. Don’t be that person. ‘Credit to original artist’ and ‘credit unknown’ is total bullshit btw. Link/tag the creator in the original post and make it clear you don’t own the content. Best practice is to ask the original creator if they’re okay with reposting, work inspired by or connected to theirs, etc. This goes doubly for saving/downloading someone’s fics. 

- It is not illegal for a minor to have normal, nonsexual, healthy friendships with people older than them. There’s a weird attitude that minors have nothing of value to offer adults besides a relationship/sex, which is...not true? Minors are thinking, living human beings with feelings, thoughts, and opinions. You can talk to them like normal people, because they are. Just obviously don’t talk about/introduce sex or endanger them. Minors don’t bring up sex/activities you’re underage for with an adult. IDK this isn’t a seminar just...don’t be weird. Adults can offer great life experience, support systems, and the basic joys and needs of human connection. Minors can too. Mind your business unless someone’s actually in danger. The next point is a caveat, though: 

- If you’re a minor, don’t interact with NSFW blogs/blogs with ‘Minors DNI’, NSFW blogs don’t interact with minors, etc etc. Not your parent or whatever but this is pretty common sense and it’s for everyone’s safety, but especially the NSFW person. internettiquette!

- If you use your TK blog as a side blog (meaning you have another blog as your main blog, not two separate accounts) and don’t want your main exposed, that is up to you. I recommend not liking posts. Also, follow people that you trust. These actions route through your main blog and your main will show up in the notes. You can reblog from a sideblog. If you want to send an ask “as your tk blog”, send an anon and sign it somehow, like ‘hey :) // @/tickle-bugs’. It should tag you in the post so you get a notification when it’s answered!

- Find your people! As an anxious person this one has been hard for me, so I know it’s hard for a lot of people. Fandom is literally a community of shared interest. Peachy and I have an iron bond almost two years later and we met talking over shared interests. You can absolutely find your people here. If someone makes you happy, strike up a conversation! Send an ask! You never know what doors it might open or whose day you might improve :)

- If you were an anon/lurker on someone’s blog and they inspired you to write/submit/start your own, sign your messages!! the common form that I see is either an emoji or [noun/context of the ask]!anon (prodigal!anon (i miss u every day), butterfly!anon, etc.) Let us know how to find and support you!! Those messages produce good brain juice. 

- The big finale: Have fun. If you’re not having fun here, maybe you could tweak something to make things enjoyable. Running a blog is like driving a car. Keep your hands on the wheel, respectfully indicate your intentions (flashing lights optional), and be safe. Poebody’s nerfect, y’know. If you make a mistake, course correct. I’m by no means perfect. Your favs aren’t either. Just do your best and have a good time :)

@rosytickles and the anon in my inbox, I hope this helps! Thank you for asking me, I’m very honored that you value my opinon/experience/advice. I apologize if I come off as preachy or aggressive, I envisioned grabbing my younger self by the lapels and shaking me vigorously while I wrote this. Probably a bad idea. 

Anywho, hope it helps. Anyone with questions, additions, or comments, my askbox is open! Just be constructive, is all I ask. 

[quazartranslates]

Welcome to the Nightmare Game - CH103

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

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Chapter 103: Slaughter Secret Society (V)

{cw: slight nsfw, sexual harrassment - I’ve marked the start and end of the scene in question with ++ and included a summary at the end if you wish to skip this.}

Help: How do I pretend to be a gay man without moral integrity but keep my moral integrity at a hedonistic party? Urgent, online, etc.

Answer: Hold steady first, then look for straight men to flirt with.

Qi Leren, who had made up his mind, calmly talked and laughed with Mrs. Kathleen. Obviously, when straight women and gay men know each other's orientation well, neither side will be too distracted. Qi Leren felt that this was probably called courtesy-flirting.

Fortunately, the bottom line of Mrs. Kathleen's moral integrity was still there, and the communication between them was limited to courtesy-flirting instead of courtesy-sex. She quickly recommended her male subordinates to Qi Leren, and showed him her "goods" in a row like a salesman.

The utterly hopeless Qi Leren looked at the group of coquettish men despairingly.

He, absolutely, did, not, want, to, go, one, round, with, men!

"Most of my subordinates like women, and these are not exclusive to men. Don't you like them?" Kathleen always paid attention to Red’s face. Although he kept smiling, he was always absent-minded and seemed to be not interested in her subordinates.

Ashley looked at Red nervously. The mask covered half of his face, revealing his deep red lips. He took a sip of wine and pointed towards a pair of men and women in the corner who were exchanging life experiences fiercely. "Is that man your subordinate too?"

Mrs. Kathleen looked intently and smiled softly, "Oh, Sid? He’s the lover of a female subordinate. Apart from his body, there’s really nothing commendable. If you insist on me saying it, his performance in bed is fine. Are you interested?"

Red’s mouth hooked up, and he lifted Mrs. Kathleen's hand and dropped a kiss on it. "Thank you for your recommendation."

With this, he left Mrs. Kathleen and a melancholy Ashley, and walked to the corner with the light gait of a cat.

The whole party scene is full of unpleasant smells, the smell of wine, smoke, and various drugs all mixed together, making people indulge in desire, and the crazy music was earth-shattering. Young men and women dancing on the dance floor got carried away, and the pressure of survival was forgotten. They indulged in passion and unscrupulous actions.

It was sad and pathetic.

Obviously, there was lively music everywhere, and there were people who had fun everywhere, but at this moment standing in the crowd, Qi Leren felt very lonely.

After all, this wasn’t a place where he should stay. He had to find a way to get away without being noticed…

He vowed to force himself to keep his eyes open to the end, mind over matter.

"It's the most pleasing thing in life to light a cigarette afterwards." A mysterious man dressed in a mask sat down beside Sid. Sid, who was entering the sage time*, paused. Instead, his female companion gave a charming smile and moved to kiss the mysterious man in front of her.

*{E/N: “sage time” means being post-orgasm. I’m pretty sure the implication is that Sid and this girl just got off together.}

A slender finger touched her lipstick-covered lips to stop her: "I'm sorry, madam, I'm not interested in women."

The woman rolled her eyes, picked up the clothes that had fallen on the ground and put them on her body, and walked away without looking back.

Sid, who’d been abandoned by his female companion, looked at the mysterious man warily. He’d never seen this man at the party. He remembered that Mrs. Kathleen had told them that a distinguished guest would come to the party this time…

Wait, what did he just say? He wasn’t interested in women? Then the question was coming. He is sitting here to…

Sid's cold sweat immediately flowed down.

{++}

The man in front of him looked at his body with great interest: "Your muscles are very good, and your ass is also quite firm. I once had a lover as strong as you, but unfortunately he’s dead. Seeing you reminds me of him."

Sid, a straight man who was forced to be naked in front of a gay man, felt deep pressure. The man in front of him had long legs, a thin waist, and white skin. At first glance, he was the type that was easy to play. Apart from gender, he was impeccable. He also knew clearly that he couldn’t offend the man in front of him, but… But heaven, have pity on him. He was a straight man!!!

His dull reaction seemed to make the man in front of him only more interested. As light as a cat, he rolled over and sat on him, slowly lighting himself a cigarette. The thick smoke made his slightly upturned lips have a charming allure. "Would you like one?"

"...Okay ...Okay."

The man straddled him, his long fingers stroking his muscles. The cold fingers aroused goose bumps on Sid's skin. He crouched on him like a snake, put a cigarette in his mouth, and then lit him up with the cigarette he was holding.

The faint light burning from the cigarette butt was very ambiguous in this hidden corner. The masked man flicked the cigarette butt and the ashes lightly landed on Sid's collarbone, burning slightly. The man breathed a sigh and blew away the ash that had fallen on his skin.

The smell of the smoke cascaded over his naked skin, even more arousing than the sensation of the cold fingers.

The man laughed in a low voice, and the light brown eyes hidden behind the mask stared at him: "But compared to a cigarette, don't you want to try the one I have lower down?"

Sid’s face suddenly changed. What, this shameless gay guy wanted his chrystanthemum?!

"Hm? What? If your technique is good enough, I don't mind trying again, as long as it can make me feel good..." The man pushed his knee towards the place where he was still weak, and he let out an embarrassing sound, tempted by the proximity.

The pale Sid looked at Mrs. Kathleen for help, but the latter nodded to him, telling him to do it!

As a straight man, he never expected to encounter such a crisis. If he couldn’t get it up… would he be killed? However, the desperate Sid was left unrequited. The mysterious man whispered an address into his ear, then climbed off of him, adjusted his clothes and smiled at him: "I’ll be waiting for you there. Don't make me wait too long."

{++}

With that, he walked lightly through the crowd and returned to Mrs. Kathleen.

"Do you allow take-away?" Red said cheerily, and Mrs. Kathleen clinked her glass.

"Of course, but you don’t need to. There’s a back room here that has everything you want," said Mrs. Kathleen.

"When people ‘communicate’ with each other, it’s also the time when people are least prepared. I prefer to be on my own site," Red said lightly.

Mrs. Kathleen expressed her understanding and politely sent him out of the door: "The selection ceremony is in a week..."

Red took his cloak from the waiter and put it on his body. He took off his mask and said to Mrs. Kathleen, haughtily and reserved, "It's just a ritual without suspense. The winner can only be me."

"I wish you all the best," said Mrs. Kathleen.

"Thank you for your kindness. Oh, have my 'pizza' come to me in half an hour. I have to prepare some 'good things' first. " He smiled and turned away.

As soon as he walked out of the bar, Qi Leren gave a long sigh of relief. Although he stayed in it for only half an hour, it felt like a year. As a great young man in the 21st century, he really hadn't seen this kind of battle before. He’d almost let his expression slip several times. Fortunately, he was covered by the mask and finally didn't show his feelings.

Qi Leren had considered rejecting Mrs Kathleen's "kindness" directly, but doing so would obviously cast a shadow over their cooperative relationship. The best way was to make a proposition first, and then find an excuse to send the person away. Time is short, he had to hurry and meet with the extra sent by the Trials Office who would make a guest appearance, together put on an act with him for "Mr Takeaway", and then drive the man back on the grounds of "I met a hotter one on the road, so you can go back and continue to pick up girls". The perfect plan.

Back near his temporary stronghold, Qi Leren whistled, and then went back to the house to wait for the people in the Trials Office to contact him. Soon he heard a slight footstep on the second floor, and he whistled again to signal that there was no one else in the room.

The footsteps were getting closer and closer, and someone came down the stairs. Qi Leren looked up, and his calm expression instantly solidified on his face.

"Ning... Ning Zhou?" Qi Leren, dressed in strange clothes and heavy make-up and smelling of alcohol and tobacco, immediately jumped up from the sofa, looking both embarrassed and nervous.

Ning Zhou's eyes stayed on him for a few seconds, then he frowned and asked coldly and stiffly: "What is it?"

Qi Leren felt awkward enough to burst into tears. Could he tell Ning Zhou, who was conservative and introverted, that he needed someone to undress and help him now? He had to replace him!

"Who else is nearby besides you?" Qi Leren asked, deathly pale.

"Miao Li."

“……”

Heaven will kill me!

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The author has something to say:

PS: Can you imagine how much the heart collapsed when the author modified this text to unlock it...

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Editor’s Notes: 

Summary of ++: “Red” acts suggestively towards Sid in a way intended to make him uncomfortable. Sid is instructed by Mrs. Kathleen to go along with it. Before anything can happen, Red pulls away and tells him to come to his house later so they can continue.

So, as indicated by BMBL’s end note, this chapter as it’s currently found on JJWXC has been edited from its original version due to being locked for sexual content, ~however~ the version you have just read is the uncensored one! I’ve been using two different mtls (the one I originally read and the one available on mtlnovel) and I was surprised to find that the one on mtlnovel is the uncensored version! Imagine my shock when I went to compare a sentence and suddenly there were butts.

For those curious, there’s actually not a ton different between the two. The censored version has removed Qi Leren commenting on Sid’s butt, several mentions of naked skin, one mention of Qi Leren stradling Sid, the mention of Sid’s “chrysanthemum”, and Qi Leren’s wandering knee. Also, it’s worth mentioning that any time I’ve used the word “sex” here, it was either censored or replaced by some innuendo originally.

Please look forward to the next chapter, it’s a good one ;) ;) ;)

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[thatwritergirlsblog]

My Self-editing Process

Before you give your manuscript to anyone - critique partners, beta readers etc - you should go through a self-editing process first. Here’s mine:

Definitions

Developmental edits: deal with big-picture, plot aspects. Things about the actual story that may need to be changed

Style edits: this isn’t an official term, but I use it in this post to indicate edits that need to made to the actual writing style/prose of a scene

Line/copy edits: deal with in-line, small issues like grammar, word choice/sentence structure

proofread: checking for any spelling, spacing or sentence errors.

These aren’t necessarily the official definitions of the terms, but rather explanations of how I will be using these words in the rest of this post.

While Drafting

I keep a separate document titled “edit notes” while I’m drafting the manuscript. In this document, I jot down any developmental issues that I need to look at later.

In the manuscript document itself, I use the comments feature to indicate any style issues or scenes I may need to rewrite to improve the writing. I also highlight any line or copy edits I may need to make later on.

This helps a lot, since it lets me identify possible errors right away without having to slow my drafting process to give attention to them.

After drafting

Once I’ve finished my draft, I go through various editing steps

Fix the things you noted in your separate “edit notes” and your in-document comments. This is a great place to start with edits, since the problems have already been identified. Go through the list systematically and try to fix them.

Print the manuscript and do a careful read-through. Errors are spotted much easier in hard copy, but if you cannot print the manuscript, try to read it on a tablet/phone. During this thorough read-through, you’re going to highlight different errors in different colours. I use green for developmental, pink for style/rewrite, blue for consistency and yellow for line/copy. But, obviously, you can use whichever colours you want. The purpose of this is only to highlight errors. You can make notes in pencil, but it’s not necessary to come up with solutions/corrections just yet. Keep in mind that you may also notice more issues later on. This is just for getting started.

Now, start editing. Begin with the developmental edits - the things you highlighted in green. These are the edits that may change your book significantly and have ripple effects. So, this is where you start. All those developmental issues you highlighted... Go back to the electronic version of your manuscript and try to fix them. This is the most brutal part of the editing process. It’s difficult and it may take long. But it is very necessary.

Edit the style errors/that which you highlighted in blue. These edits may require some scenes to be rewritten completely, but it doesn’t take as much problem-solving brain power as developmental edits.

Now, move on to the line/copy edits - you highlighted them in yellow. This is probably going to be your easiest round of edits, since it just requires correcting line-level edits.

You will probably have come across some more things you’d like to change during this entire process. Now is the time to give attention to those.

Run an editing software/extension. Now that you’ve edited every error you could find, I would suggest using something like Grammarly/ProWritingAid on your manuscript. This will help identify overused words/phrases, inconsistencies in punctuation, weak sentences etc. Let the program highlight these for you and decide what you want to change. ProWritingAid has a great free, online editor that I highly recommend if you cannot afford to buy the full software package.

Now, use some other device to read through your manuscript a final time. You can print the whole thing again, but that’s expensive. So, I would recommend using a phone/tablet/e-reader - whatever you have available. Read through the entire manuscript again, checking for any errors/issues you may find. This is mainly for proofreading purposes, but you could spot big-picture problems as well. Correct them as you go along

This will not be the end of your editing process. You will probably still get critique partners and beta readers, who will give you feedback, based on which you’ll make more edits. Depending on your route of publication, you’ll also have to hire a professional editor/go through edits with your agent and editor.

There are many different ways to edit a manuscript. Each writer must find what works for them. This is merely what works for me, and I hope that it can help some of you out there who feel like you don’t even know where to start.

Reblog this post if you found these tips useful. Comment with what you would do differently. Follow me for similar content.