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ohtoseni · 4 months ago

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like real people do

chapter one

Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x OFC

read it on ao3

the government forces soulmates to be together, no matter what it takes.

it just so happens that eve's soulmates are two bisexual super soldiers.

or,

steve and bucky struggle with their eighteen-year-old soulmate who refuses to settle into her new life after being kidnapped by the government.

tags/warnings: soulmate mark au, forced throuple/poly relationship (f/m/m), extreme age gap, kidnapping, slow burn, dub con, mental health issues (ptsd, audhd, ocd, bipolar, ed), found family, emotional hurt/comfort, sensory overload and meltdowns, eventual smut, tooth-rotting fluff, power imbalance, domestic discipline (spanking as punishment), general teenage angst, daddy dom energy, oral fixation, praise kink, implied/referenced child abuse/csa, kink exploration, p in v sex, oral sex, non sexual age regression, lots of cuddles and snuggles and crying

Tick, tick, tick…

Eve stared blankly at the large vintage clock across the restaurant. It was a dumb impulse purchase by her boss, justified by the fact it vaguely fits the quasi-Italian feel of the restaurant. While the ticks and chimes weren’t as prominent during busy hours, the damned thing drove her nuts whenever it was just Eve closing up.

A glance out the front door revealed the same pouring rain from this afternoon, surely the sidewalks and streets were flooded by now. Groaning, Eve mentally cursed her boss for not letting her get off earlier as she rubbed her temples. The man religiously checked the security systems to ensure the doors were locked at exactly eleven o’clock, not a second earlier.

By now she synced up her nightly exit to the clock’s beat like a countdown. One, two, three ticks to get from the hostess station to the front door, and the loud chime indicating the new hour played the moment her keys entered the lock. It was normally a satisfying feeling when she wasn’t greeted by rain on the other side of the door. Thankfully, Eve only lived just down the road from the restaurant.

Power walking through the storm, she kept a tight hold on her sweatshirt to prevent the hood from flying off her head and to preserve what little body heat she had. Her legs were sore from a long shift, and she had to will them to carry her to her bed for the night. Cars flew down the street, with the occasional asshole splashing her with the water buildup on the street. As the rain kept pouring sideways, Eve gave up on keeping her glasses rain- and fog-free. Her apartment was a straight shot down the main road. Had it been clear out, she would’ve had eyes on the front door from the moment she left the restaurant.

The streetlights above her flickered, until they eventually gave out, shrouding her in darkness. Essentially walking blind, Eve didn’t even know where the sudden arm came from that grabbed and pulled her into the alley. A strong figure in black held Eve against his body, one arm easily wrapped around her torso to keep her arms down, and his calloused hand harshly gripping her mouth. The sudden pressure on her ribs made her gasp out the air in her lungs. She tried her hardest to scream and squirm out of his grip, but her attempts were futile against his strength. The rain only made her grip on the attacker slick. In an attempt to get him to let go, Eve knocked her head backward against his lower jaw, stunning him enough that he removed his hand from her mouth.

“Help! Help! I-“ Eve’s screams were easily muffled by the rain and thunder, but she tried your hardest to be heard by a potential passerby. A couple of screams left her mouth before a fist collided with the left side of her face. Pain radiated through her jaw like lightning before everything faded to black.

———

Everyone had a soulmate out there- a person made just for you. A small mark on your wrist slowly developed around puberty, uniquely yours and your soulmate’s. Young teenagers would compare marks with their crushes, desperately hoping it was a match. They would sit there and point out the smallest curve or dot that matched up, claiming that all the other differences were simply due to stretched skin or a bruise or cut. Eve wasn’t sure if they tried to make it work because they liked each other, or to avoid being put on the draft.

If by the age of eighteen, you hadn’t found your soulmate, you would be placed into a database full of other unmatched individuals. Young people nicknamed it ‘the draft’ due to how frequently the government stalked the website. Stories of people going missing after being put on the draft drifted around school campuses and online communities, not believing the kidnappings were just to unite far-away soulmates. A news headline or two would highlight missing young adults for a day before being expunged from the media.

For years Eve watched her friends and classmates find their soulmates, or innocently imagine what they would look like. As they gushed about love, she would look down at her wrist, empty of any markings. She’d laugh and put on a fake smile, trying to hide the pain of knowing she didn’t have a soulmate.

Eventually, her eighteenth birthday came around, and she was still soulmateless. Throughout the school day, she anxiously rubbed her wrist where the mark should be, wondering how she would be drafted without a mark. The drive to the Soulmate Commission building was long and somber, her hands shaking on the wheel the whole way. The time finally came when they needed to photograph Eve’s mark, and she pulled up her sleeve to reveal two little lines on her left wrist.

“Hmm,” the worker hummed, pulling the camera back ever so slightly. “We’ve never had two marks before.”

As she walked off to get a supervisor, Eve felt her entire body pale. At that moment, she didn’t know if having two soulmates was better or worse than having none. Her stomach dropped, and a twisting feeling in her gut told you to run. Before she could change her mind about registering today, the woman came back, a disgusted look on her face. She took the picture quickly and scoffed as she checked the quality of the photo.

Maybe the stigma of having two was worse.

———

Groaning, Eve lifted a hand to hold her throbbing head. The pain thumping in her skull woke her up after a who-knows-how-long nap, leaving her feeling like absolute crap. She could sense the blinding white light through closed eyes, making it harder to open them. In an attempt to make out where exactly she was, she tried to squint while sitting up.

The room was a blinding white, the natural light of the large windows clashed with the bright overhead lights to create a visual sensory nightmare that made her eyes sting. The more her eyes adjusted, the more the room started looking like some sort of sterile prison. Eve sat on a stiff bed with only a thin white sheet covering her naked body. The scent of antiseptic, the rough texture of her blanket, the sterile air making her throat dry, it was all too much for her senses.

Eve fully sat up, back resting against the cool white brick wall, and pulled the sheet tightly around her body. Maybe she was just dreaming, and this was some far away place from her nightmares. The chill air in the room made the naked girl shiver, reminding her this was very much reality. Her eyes fell onto a chair opposite of the bed- the thought of someone watching her sleep in only a bra and panties felt extremely violating. Footsteps creaked outside of the small room alongside voices hushed by the brick walls. Eve was just about ready to stand up when a door opened suddenly, making her jump back against the wall.

A man in a white coat walked in holding a familiar pink bag. Eve quickly recognized it as her own from her apartment. She tugged the sheet closer as the man greeted her with a smile.

“Eve, how are you feeling?” The man asked, pulling the chair around to the side of the bed before sitting in it. The girl didn’t respond, only suspiciously eyed up the stranger.

“I’m Dr. Kim, the head doctor for the New York Soulmate Commission.” The doctor reached a hand out towards Eve, intending on a handshake, but she only continued to stare him down relentlessly. “Ah, I see.

“I’d like to apologize on behalf of the Commission for how you were handled on your way here. Best believe me, that contractor has been fired.”

“Handled…?” Eve quietly wondered aloud. She had no memory of how she got here. One moment she was locking up the restaurant, the next she was in what she now assumed was a hospital room.

“Nevertheless,” the doctor quickly cut her off, not wanting to elaborate. He continued with his calm, monotonous voice. “I just need to check for some things. Can you follow the light?”

The doctor flashed a small pen light, moving it slowly for Eve to follow. She did as instructed, and replied with a quiet ‘no’ when asked if she had a headache or nausea. Both times she lied, but she didn’t want to remain here any longer.

The doctor finished the quick exam with a smile, and reached over to grab Eve’s bag off the floor. “You should have a pair of clothes and your personal items in here. I’ll give you a minute before sending your soulmates in.”

“My soulmates?”

This was not how she imagined meeting her soulmates would be. In a bland doctor’s office, naked, and not remembering how she even got to New York from Michigan. Eve didn’t even know what day it was. And now she was supposed to meet her lifelong partners? It felt more like being released into the care of kidnappers. In that moment, she felt jealous of her old classmates who easily found their soulmates from within their hometown. They were spared the shame and uncertainty of being left behind by a flawed system.

Once the doctor left the room, Eve opened her backpack and quickly put on the sweatshirt and sweatpants packed neatly in the bag. She rummaged around to find her phone, and noticed her laptop and tablet had been packed as well. As she stumbled upon her headphones and books, the thought of someone breaking into her home to get her belongings dawned on her. Just how much of her life did they go through while deciding on what to pack? Had they been watching her for a while? An unfamiliar sickness filled her as she grabbed her phone from the bottom of the bag before gently pushing the damned thing away.

The phone wouldn’t turn on, as expected. The battery was long dead, and whoever retrieved it must not have bothered to charge it or pack her charger in the bag. Eve threw it back into the backpack before standing up from the bed.

She walked towards the large windows to be met with a beautiful overview of New York City. Her fingers made their way to her mouth, chewing on her fingernails out of nerves and fear. Never once had she visited a city as big as this. Her hometown had a population of only 10,000 people, and her college town had a population a little under 5,000. This was way out of her normal, and Eve did not like it one bit.

A knock at the door made her jump and turn around. Low, muffled voices could be heard from the other side of the door. Her hands remained by her mouth, biting her nails and tugging on her bottom lip to soothe herself. Eve didn’t know what to expect, and felt so exposed even with her baggy clothes on. She felt like an animal ready to meet its slaughter.

“Eve?” A soft, yet strong voice rung out as the door creaked open. Eve’s brown eyes met an unknown pair of baby blues, and immediately she wanted to be anywhere but there. She felt like a deer in headlights, stuck in place and eyes wide in fear. Her gaze never left the two men as they entered the room together.

These two ginormous men were her soulmates.

“Hi, Eve.” The blonde said with a soft smile. He took a few cautious steps forward, stopping once he saw the tiniest flinch from Eve. “I’m Steve, and this is Bucky.”

Steve tried his best to be as non-intimidating as possible, but their size difference alone made him seem like a threat. The girl in front of him barely looked 100 pounds soaking wet, he probably looked like a predator approaching his prey.

“I-I’m Eve…” the girl introduced herself quietly, her hands making her voice mumbled. Bucky couldn’t help but chuckle- this kid managed to be adorable while afraid for her life.

“We know that, doll,” Bucky said, walking more naturally towards her than Steve had with his cautious steps. Eve’s eyes remained trained on Bucky as he leaned against the wall, staring out the window.

Steve, not wanting to further upset the girl who already was on the brink of tears, didn’t make any sudden movements. He cleared his throat so Eve’s eyes would dart back towards him before speaking.

“We’re-“

“Are you the ones that took me?” Eve asked, her voice wavering and cracking near the end. Steve could tell she was not comfortable, not relieved, and not at ease. He could feel their bond yelling at him to comfort her, to hold her and tell her she was safe now. Steve could tell Eve was also fighting that battle- her anxiety heightened as her body told her to get closer, but her brain told her to run as far as she could.

“No, sweetheart. We’re the ones that found you,” Steve tried his best to explain the situation. “We’re going to take you home now.” The blonde super soldier took another step closer to Eve before reaching a hand out to her.

Eve panicked as Steve suddenly entered the bubble of safety she drew up in her mind. Now hyperventilating, she looked desperately around the room for an escape route. She absolutely would not be going anywhere with these men. While Steve and Bucky took a moment to exchange concerned glances, Eve saw that as her opportunity to run. She jumped over the bed and out the door, quickly running down the empty hallway.

The hospital was a maze, Eve kept taking turns in what felt like giant circles. Then again, she didn’t care where she went, as long as she didn’t end up with the strange men. She had to get away. The footsteps behind her were so loud and fast though, making her run quicker than she ever had before. She turned her head to see just how much distance was in between her and them, only to trip over a snag in the carpet and tumble to the ground. Lying there defeated, Eve let the tears flow and her cries loudly break through as she curled up into a ball. Her head grew dizzy as she tried to recover her breath through cries. Seconds later she felt strong hands lift her into the air with sheer ease, making her thrash hard.

Bucky had tried to cut her off on the other side of the hallway, only to watch her fall and eat shit in front of him. His heart skipped a beat, not wanting her to be hurt, especially with how loud her cries grew. Quickly he reached down and threw her over his shoulder, not risking her running off again.

“Let’s go home, troublemaker,” Buck said, securing her down with his metal arm as Eve squirmed and kicked. Steve simply shook his head at the scene, following the two of them out of the building.

Bystanders chuckled and pointed at the scene, it wasn’t every day you saw a grown woman throwing a tantrum over her soulmate’s shoulder. The stares and laughs were shut down by stern looks from Steve and Bucky, their threatening and protective aura immediately ceasing any teasing. The crowd quickly looked away, hurrying on with their tasks.

Eve’s squirms grew more frantic as they reached the exit, her screams raw with panic. “Let me go! I don’t want this! I don’t want you!”

Bucky winced at the words, not wanting to show just how much they hurt him. Steve continued to follow Bucky, his expression softening at just how much this hurt Eve. He spoke up with a quiet intensity, “Eve, we’re not going to hurt you. You’re not a prisoner. We’re here to help you, to get you out of this mess.”

Her chest heaved with each sob, her body exhausted from the panic and fear. Slowly, her resistance lessened as her exhaustion grew, and she stopped fighting Bucky’s hold. Her body continued to tremble and rack with sobs.

The evening autumn air hit them once outside, and the streetlights of New York City illuminated the bustling city. However, it all felt cold and isolating to Eve. Her eyes darted around from the passing cars to the towering buildings, feeling overwhelmed. Her wandering eyes landed back on Steve, who gave a reassuring smile that Eve did not return. This was the last place she wanted to be- out with these strangers in a world she didn’t quite understand.

A black SUV waited for them. Bucky moved towards the back, his arm still securely around Eve. Gently, he adjusted her enough to set her down in the backseat. Her resistance was depleted, and she only stared at the back of the passenger seat with bloodshot, teary eyes. Bucky closed and locked the doors before him and Steve quickly got in with her in the front. The three sat in silence for a moment, taking in the reality of the situation.

Eve fiddled with the door for a moment, tiredly trying to open it before coming to terms that she was locked in for good. Not wanting to be so close to her captors, she moved into the third row seats, creating as much space as she possibly could. She kept her gaze out the window, her arms crossed, closing herself off from any confrontation. She didn’t want to talk nor even think about the idea of letting them in. Every inch of her was screaming run.

Steve glanced back at her from the driver’s seat, speaking softly and more soothing than before. “I know this is a lot to take in, but we need you to trust us, okay?”

“No more running, no more fighting,” Bucky added to try and keep things light while still grounded in reality.

“No, thank you.” Eve didn’t even look at them, her eyes fixed on the passing city lights. She never saw such tall buildings or bright lights before. The car began to move through the streets, the hum of the engine filling the silence.

next ->

#bucky barnes #steve rogers #stucky #bucky fanfic #steve rogers fanfic #avengers fanfiction #captain america #winter soldier #fanfic #soulmate au #fix it fic #bucky x oc #steve rogers x oc #bucky x steve x oc #marvel #the avengers #mcu #like real people do

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copperfirebird · 1 month ago

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speaking of ocd

Here's the post about scrupulosity!

OCD is best known for germaphobia and hoarding and religious scrupulosity, all of which I've dealt with in varying degrees, but I think it's less well-known that religious scrupulosity is basically a form of moral scrupulosity, and that it can take other shapes as well.

Sidebar: scrupulosity as a word just means an obsessive, overwhelming anxiety/fear of being bad, for whatever bad means to you. You can probably guess why it often hijacks religious beliefs, and why it loves to square dance with intrusive thoughts.

In practice, this means constantly feeling like I'm not doing enough: for new people, for friends, for mutuals, for the fandom as a whole. I want to be welcoming and encouraging. I want to read and chat with new writers so they write more! I want to keep up with my friends' fics! I want to read other fics just because they look interesting! And of course if I'm reading, I want to be commenting and live reacting and reccing on tumblr! I want to gift drabbles and fanart and reaction fics to people so they know how awesome they and their work are!

(also I want to write my own fics and draw my own art, and I'm really not good at pushing my own work because I'm always fighting the idea that it's selfish to want people to read my work.)

There's a reason Mr Rogers is so prominent on my ancestor altar, y'all, and it's because I want to be a good person so fucking bad. It's because in my heart and soul there's a part of me that's constantly certain that I'm a fucked up, horrible monster and if people like me it's only because I'm fooling them.

I know I maybe over-identify with Xaden, okay? He knows he's going to be the bad guy for a lot of people no matter what he does, and he still does everything he can, and he gets shit on for it. I think about his comments in Samara, about how people are fuckheads to him but he doesn't mind because they go easier on Garrick.

One of the things that's come up when I write Xaden more than once is projecting my own insecurities onto him. The certainty that he can never do enough. The fear that he really is the monster people see when they look at him, and no amount of… well, no amount of anything is going to fix that.

There's a reason he's fascinated by Violet telling him he's a good person.

I really, really struggle when people talk about how Xaden is a terrible person and an awful friend and everyone else would be better off without him because I feel like that's true of me too.

Disclaimer: I know that's not the same thing, and people are entitled to their interpretations of the characters! This is just me talking about what goes on in my head. The ways my brain lies to me ultimately have nothing to do with the way people write fic. If it doesn't latch on to this, it would (and does) latch onto something else.

I still don't have a point. I'm just finding it helpful to write this stuff out and work through it, and some people seem to have found the first post helpful to read so! Let's be vulnerable.

#mental illness #actually ocd #scrupulosity #oversharing #Probably I shouldn't post this at 1am #But if I don't do it now I won't #so here i go

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camisoledadparis · 6 months ago

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THIS DAY IN GAY HISTORY

based on: The White Crane Institute's 'Gay Wisdom', Gay Birthdays, Gay For Today, Famous GLBT, glbt-Gay Encylopedia, Today in Gay History, Wikipedia, and more … December 24

1305 – France: Grand Master Jacques de Molay and over 500 Knights Templar recant their confessions of homosexual activities to which they had admitted under torture. King Phillip IV burned 54 of them soon after the false confessions. Philip had de Molay burned upon a scaffold on an island in the River Seine in front of Notre Dame de Paris in March, 1314. The sudden end of both the centuries-old order of Templars and the dramatic execution of its last leader turned Molay into a legendary figure.

1573 – French diplomat and law professor Hubert Languet wrote to Sir Philip Sidney, "My affection for you has entered my heart far more deeply than I have ever felt for anyone else, and it has so wholly taken possession there that it tries to rule alone."

Sir Philip Sidney

1905 – Howard Hughes Jr. (d.1976) was a USA business magnate, investor, record-setting pilot, engineer, film director, and philanthropist, known during his lifetime as one of the most influential and financially successful individuals in the world. He first became prominent as a film producer, and then as an important figure in the aviation industry.

Later in life, he became known for his eccentric behavior and reclusive lifestyle—oddities that were caused in part by his worsening obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), chronic pain from a near-fatal plane crash, and increasing deafness.

Hughes dated many famous women, including Joan Crawford, Billie Dove, Faith Domergue, Bette Davis, Yvonne De Carlo, Ava Gardner, Olivia de Havilland, Katharine Hepburn, Hedy Lamarr, Ginger Rogers, Janet Leigh, Pat Sheehan, Mamie Van Doren and Gene Tierney. He also proposed to Joan Fontaine several times.However, a rumour persists that Hughes and another notorious womanizer Errol Flynn had a sexual relationship, with Flynn at the top man!

1912 – A report issued by Utah's State Board of Insanity recommends sterilization of persons convicted of sexual crimes.

Robert Joffrey (rear) with Gerald Arpino

1930 – Robert Joffrey, born Abdullah Jaffa Bey Khan, (d.1988) was an American dancer, teacher, producer, choreographer, and co-founder of the Joffrey Ballet, known for his highly imaginative modern ballets. He was born Abdullah Jaffa Bey Khan in Seattle, Washington to an Afghan father and Italian mother.

As a teenager, Joffrey met 22-year-old Gerald Arpino, then serving in the Coast Guard. Arpino moved into the Joffrey home. From then on, the two were inseparable. They became best friends, artistic collaborators, and lovers.

Joffrey studied ballet and modern dance in New York City and made his debut in 1949 with the French choreographer Roland Petit and his Ballet de l'Opéra National de Paris. From 1950 to 1955, he taught at the New York High School for the Performing Arts, where he staged his earliest ballets. He founded the Joffrey Ballet School in New York City in 1954.

In 1954 he formed his own company, which premiered Le bal masqué (The Masked Ball, 1954; music by French composer Francis Poulenc) and Pierrot Lunaire (1955; music by Austrian composer Arnold Schoenberg). Joffrey's other works include Gamelan (1962) and Astarte (1967), which was set to rock music with special lighting and motion-picture effects.

The Robert Joffrey Ballet took up residence at New York City Center in 1966. In 1982 it moved its principal activities to Los Angeles, California and in 1995 to Chicago, Illinois. Noted for its experimental repertoire, the company was called the "Joffrey Ballet of Chicago" after its move but has since returned to being called simply the Joffrey Ballet. Besides Joffrey's works its repertoire includes many works by Gerald Arpino, Joffrey's long-time lover, co-director, and eventually artistic director emeritus until his 2008 death, and ballets commissioned by Joffrey from new choreographers as well as works by such established choreographers as George Balanchine, Alvin Ailey and Twyla Tharp.

Joffrey was sexually promiscuous but discreet. His pattern was to have Arpino at home for domestic stability, one principal romantic attachment, and numerous one-night stands.

In 1973, Joffrey fell in love with A. Aladar Marberger, a 26-year-old gay activist and manager of the Fischbach Gallery in New York. In the 1980s, both men contracted AIDS. While Marberger was outspoken about his illness, Joffrey remained silent. He was ashamed and wanted his obituary to say that he died of liver disease and asthma. Arpino agreed to his pleas, but the secret could not be maintained, as AIDS took a staggering toll on the dance world in general and on Joffrey's company in particular.

Robert Joffrey died of AIDS on March 25, 1988 in New York City. Aladar Marberger died eight months later.

1952 – Kevin Killian is an American poet, author, editor, and playwright of primarily LGBT literature. My Vocabulary Did This to Me: The Collected Poetry of Jack Spicer, which he co-edited with Peter Gizzi, won the American Book Award for poetry in 2009. His novel, Impossible Princess, won the 2010 Lambda Literary Award as the best gay erotic fiction work of 2009.

Killian is also co-founder of the Poets Theater, an influential poetry, stage, and performance group based in San Francisco.

Kevin Killian was raised Roman Catholic and attended a Roman Catholic parochial school run by Franciscan monks where he suffered what he has described as "routine abuse". He discussed these experiences in an essay in the edited work Wrestling With the Angel, which describes the experiences of 21 gay men with religion. He was also the New York City spelling bee champion.

Kevin attended graduate school at the State University of New York at Stony Brook (SUNY-Stony Brook) in the 1970s, and moved to San Francisco in 1980. Although he is gay and Dodie Bellamy is a lesbian, the couple married and have an active heterosexual sex life.

Killian is also active in bringing attention to important LGBTQ artists and writers of the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s. He has held poetry readings of a wide number of influential poets and writers, and participated in a number of panels, art installations, retrospectives, and memorials.

1958 – Bob Smith (d.2018) was an American comedian and author. Smith, born in Buffalo, New York, was the first openly gay comedian to appear on The Tonight Show and the first openly gay comedian to have his own HBO half-hour comedy special. Smith, along with fellow comedians Jaffe Cohen and Danny McWilliams, formed the comedy troupe Funny Gay Males in 1988.

With Funny Gay Males, Smith is the co-author of Growing Up Gay: From Left Out to Coming Out (1995). Smith is also the author of two books of biographical essays. Openly Bob (1997) received a Lambda Literary Award for best humor book. Way to Go, Smith! (1999) was nominated for a 2000 Lambda Literary Award in the same category. Smith published his first novel, Selfish and Perverse, in 2007, and Remembrance of Things I Forgot in 2011. He published a new collection of essays, Treehab: Tales from My Natural Wild Life, in 2016. The essays cover a wide range of subjects including his career in stand-up, his love of nature, and his experience with ALS. He performed at the inaugural We're Funny That Way! comedy festival in 1997, and appeared in the festival's documentary film in 1998.

While taping a 2007 comedy special for Logo, Smith disclosed that he was suffering from a neurological disorder. He described his symptoms at that time as slurred speech, making him sound inebriated. In response to an August 2012 New York Times article on openly gay male stand-up comedians, Smith posted a comment stating he had ALS.

On February 2013, Smith gave a candid interview to Canada's Global News, where he elaborated about his condition. The article also revealed that Smith assisted with the conceiving of fellow LGBTQ comedian Elvira Kurt's children, who with Kurt reside in Canada, and that he was a direct descendant of Henry Smith, an early settler of Canada's Niagara Region for whom the Henry of Pelham Winery is named.

Bob Smith died on January 20, 2018 from Lou Gehrig’s Disease in his Manhattan, New York home at 59 years of age.

1971 – On this date the international singer and actor Ricky Martin was born. Born Enrique Martín Morales in San Juan, Puerto Rico, he is known to millions of fans by his stage name Ricky Martin, is a Puerto Rican pop singer and actor who achieved prominence, first as a member of the Latin boy band Menudo, then as a solo artist after 1991. During his career he has sold more than 60 million albums worldwide. He is the founder of Ricky Martín Foundation (in Spanish Fundación Ricky Martin) a non-profit charity organization.

Martin rose to fame as a member of the Latin American boy band Menudo, after which he became a solo artist in 1990. During forays into acting on Broadway ("Les Miserables") and soap operas (General Hospital) he released numerous albums of Spanish music, which sold millions of copies throughout Latin America and Europe. In 1995, Martin refocused on his music career through his third album, A Medio Vivir. With this album, Martin made a shift from formulaic hit ballads to a more risky fusion of music centered around traditional Latin sounds, with the hit "Maria", which epitomizes this new sound. "Maria" broke Martin into Europe through Spain. With the ballad "Te Extraño, Te Olvido, Te Amo", Martin began his expansion from Latin American and Spanish-speaking audiences to the European and Asian markets. He was chosen to sing the anthem of the 1998 FIFA World Cup, the famous hit "The Cup of Life"/"La Copa de la Vida", that reached number one on the charts in 60 countries.

He broke into the English-language market with his mega-selling hit single "Livin' la Vida Loca," which reached number one in many countries around the world, including the United States, the United Kingdom, Argentina, Australia, Brazil, France, Greece, India, Israel, Italy, Japan, Guatemala, Mexico, Russia, Turkey, and South Africa. He followed up with the hit "She's All I Ever Had" which peaked at #2 on The Billboard Hot 100. This album became one of the top-selling albums of 1999, and was certified 7 times platinum, selling over 22 million copies worldwide to date.

During the Livin' la Vida Loca era, Martin's personal life went under the microscope due to his large Gay following, and he was questioned about his sexual orientation. In December, 2000 during an interview in The Mirror, Martin was asked, '"So what about all these rumors?" "There's not a lot I can do about that," he said. "I guess these rumors were started by people who don't have a life, or perhaps it's because they want me to be like them and I'm not. I try not to pay attention to any of these allegations. I could have been married with kids for years or have 27 girlfriends, and if people still want to go around saying that I'm gay, they will."'

In August 2008, Martin became the father of twin boys, named Matteo and Valentino. The babies were delivered via gestational surrogacy.

On March of 2010, Martin publicly came out as Gay in a post on his official web site by stating, "Today is my day, this is my time, and this is my moment. These years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn't even know existed ... I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am."

"What will happen from now on? It doesn't matter. I can only focus on what's happening to me in this moment. The word 'happiness' takes on a new meaning for me as of today. It has been a very intense process. Every word that I write in this letter is born out of love, acceptance, detachment and real contentment. Writing this is a solid step towards my inner peace and vital part of my evolution."

In January 2018, Ricky Martin married his long-time partner artist Jwan Yosef.

Ricky and Jwan

1973 – Paul Foot is an English comedian. He commands a significant cult following called The Guild of Connoisseurs. Foot is known for his musings, rants, 'disturbances' and apparent aversion to pop culture. The Daily Express likened Foot to "a rare exotic bird", whilst six national newspapers including the The Independent and The Age have declared Paul to be "a comedy genius".

Foot was born and raised in High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire, he studied mathematics at Merton College, Oxford.It was during his studies he first started performing stand-up. As of 2011 Foot has refused to discuss his years at Oxford or former pursuits as a mathematics student.

Graduating from Oxford in 1995, Foot was head-hunted by a computer software company in the run-up to the dot-com bubble, however he loathed the industry: "I had to read manuals on HTML and just write websites from scratch. None of us really knew what we were doing".

He started to pursue a career in comedy, doing open mic slots at various venues, in the hope that show business would allow him to meet his idol Ella Fitzgerald. Tragically Ella Fitzgerald died a few days after this decision was made, but Foot decided to stick with comedy as a career anyhow.

He is openly gay. Foot also has a much admired collection of pre-war Toby jugs, which he parades on a custom made milk float on his yearly trip to the Edinburgh Comedy Festival.

1981 – Chris Kluwe is a former American football punter and writer. Kluwe played at Los Alamitos High School in Los Alamitos, California, where he was a 1999 USA Today High School All-American, and then attended the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), where he played college football for the UCLA Bruins. He was signed by the Seattle Seahawks as an undrafted free agent in 2005 and played professionally in the National Football League for the Seattle Seahawks, Minnesota Vikings, and Oakland Raiders.

Kluwe is widely known for his eight seasons with the Minnesota Vikings, where he set eight individual team records. During this period, Kluwe became an outspoken advocate on social issues, including same sex marriage and gay rights, which ultimately led to tension between Kluwe and coaching staff.

Kluwe publicly released a letter on September 7, 2012, via sports website Deadspin he had sent to Maryland state assembly delegate Emmett Burns, defending the opinions of Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo and condemning Burns on his attempt to stifle Ayanbadejo's free speech. Ayanbadejo has been a vocal supporter of same-sex marriage and Burns had sent a letter requesting that the Ravens ownership "inhibit such expressions" by their employee. On October 1, 2012, Kluwe published a letter to the editor that responded to a video statement released by former Viking Matt Birk in supporting a ban on same-sex marriage. In the letter, Kluwe outlined six primary reasons why he disagreed with Birk's statement. Kluwe was also featured in a documentary called The Last Barrier which aired on NBC Bay Area on December 8, 2012. During this interview he spoke about his feelings towards equality.

Kluwe and Ayanbadejo filed an amicus brief to the United States Supreme Court on February 28, 2013, regarding Hollingsworth v. Perry, in which they expressed their support of the challenge to California Proposition 8. Kluwe appeared on the January 18, 2013, episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show, to discuss his support of same-sex marriage. Ellen DeGeneres inducted Kluwe as the first inductee in her Hall of Fame, since NFL punters are unlikely to be voted into the league's hall of fame. On April 16, 2013, in recognition of his steadfast support of same-sex marriage and for starting a conversation about LGBT issues in athletics, Kluwe was named the Grand Marshal of the 41st annual Twin Cities Pride festival in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

On January 2, 2014, Kluwe alleged that he was released from the Vikings due to his support of same-sex marriage. He stated that the Vikings requested that he "deliberately sacrifice my own numbers to help the team, a request with which I always complied." The team stated it was not previously made aware of Kluwe's allegations, and countered that he "was released strictly based on his football performance." Kluwe said that special teams coach Mike Priefer in 2012 made homophobic remarks and criticized the player for his views on same-sex marriage. Priefer responded with a statement saying that "I do not tolerate discrimination of any type and am respectful of all individuals. I personally have gay family members who I love and support just as I do any family member.” Kluwe called the coach's acts "inexcusable", and hoped he prevented Priefer from ever coaching again. He also alleged that head coach Leslie Frazier told him to stop speaking out on same-sex marriage. Kluwe later said his comments on Priefer were "a little too harsh originally", and stated that he preferred that the coach get therapy and counseling and return to the league as a role model.

Kluwe was released by the Vikings after the 2012 season, signed with the Oakland Raiders prior to the 2013 season, and was subsequently released. Kluwe was unable to find another NFL team with which to sign and retired from professional football in 2013. Following his departure from football, he has pursued a writing career and is a humor columnist for the sports website Deadspin.

2012 – The Serbian Parliament approves changes to the Penal Code to include sexual orientation and gender identity as protected classes when it comes to hate crimes.

2013 – Alan Turing considered the father of computer science, was a code-breaker who helped shorten WWII. Since he was gay, the British government offered him the choice of prison or chemical castration after he was convicted of gross indecency. He selected hormonal castration via estrogen. He died in 1954 of cyanide poisoning. In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown made an official apology, and Queen Elizabeth II issued Turing a royal pardon on this day in 2013.

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thedisabilitybookarchive · 1 year ago

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Disability in Books: Disabled Lesbian MCs

[ID: A poster. Large black text reading "Disabled Lesbian MCs" is in the centre. Above it, to the left, smaller black text reading "Disability in Books". The background is a straight diagonal version of the Disability Pride flag. In the upper right corner, the logo for the Disability Book Archive. In the lower left corner, the Lesbian Pride flag. /end]

[ID: The same poster. The flag and logo have shrunken slightly in size. The title has been removed, replaced with three book covers and some text. The first cover is "10 Things I Can See From Here" by Carrie Mac down the left hand side. Black text listed next to it reads "Anxiety", "Addiction (SC)", "Contemporary", "Romance", "Canada", "Bisexual SCs" and "Young Adult". The second cover is "Bianca Torre is Afraid of Everything" by Justine Pucella Winans and is in the upper right corner. Black text listed next to it reads "Anxiety", "Contemporary", "Myster", "Transgender SCs", "Non-Binary SCs", and "Young Adult". The third cover is "The Degenerates" by J. Albert Mann and is in the lower left corner. Black text listed next to it reads "Club Foot", "Down Syndrome", "Historical", "1920s USA", "Young Adult" and "Multiple POV". /end]

[ID: The same poster. The book covers and text have changed. The first cover is "The Faithless" by C. L. Clark. Black text listed next to it reads "Adult", "Cane User", "Chronic Pain", "PTSD", "High Fantasy", "Series" and "2nd Bisexual MC". The second cover is "Harrow the Ninth" by Tamsyn Muir. Black text listed next to it reads "Adult", "Schizophrenia", "Science Fiction Fantasy", "Horror", "Series" and "Necromancy". The third cover is "Honey Girl" by Morgan Rogers. Black text listed next to it reads "Adult", "Anxiety", "Depression", "Biracial MC", "Japanese-American LI" and "Romance". /end]

[ID: The same poster. The book covers and text have changed. The first cover is "The No-Girlfriend Rule" by Christen Randall. Black text listed next to it reads "Young Adult", "Anxiety", "ADHD (SC)", "Romance", "Contemporary", "Comedy" and "Fat MC". The second cover is "Margo Zimmerman Gets the Girl" by Brianna R. Shrum. Black text listed next to it reads "Young Adult", "Autism", "ADHD", "Romance", "Contemporary" and "Jewish Characters". The third cover is "The Second Mango" by Shira Glassman. Black text listed next to it reads "Young Adult", "Severe Food Intolerances", "Fantasy", "Romance", "Series", "POC MC" and "Magic". /end]

[ID: The same poster. The book covers and text have changed. The first cover is "The Outside" by Ada Hoffman. Black text listed next to it reads "Adult", "Autism", "ADHD (SC)", "Science Fiction", "Horror", "Space Opera", "Series", "Asexual SC" and "Genderfluid SC". The second cover is "Everyone in this Room Will Some Day Be Dead" by Emily Augustin. Black text listed next to it reads "Anxiety", "Addiction (SC), "Depression", "Contemporary", "Canada" and "Transgender SC". The third cover is "How to Become A Planet" by Nicole Melleby. Black text listed next to it reads "Middle-Grade/Young Adult", "Anxiety", "Depression", "OCD (SC)", "Non-Binary Questioning LI", "Contemporary", and "Astronomy". /end]

❤️🤍🩷❤️🤍🩷❤️🤍🩷❤️🤍🩷❤️🤍🩷❤️🤍🩷❤️🤍🩷 ❤️

[22 heart emojis, alternating between red, white and pink]

A short collection of books featuring disabled lesbian MCs!

I missed lesbian visibility week, and I wanted to post this on Saturday but my internet decided to die a fiery death over the weekend so I am very very late on everything. Hopefully this begins to makes up for it!

Books on this list:

❤️ "10 Things I Can See From Here"- Mac, Carrie

🤍 "Bianca Torre is Afraid of Everything"- Winans, Justine Pucella

🩷 "The Degenerates"- Mann, J. Albert

❤️ "The Faithless"- Clark, C. L.

🤍 "Harrow the Ninth"- Muir, Tamsyn

🩷 "Honey Girl"- Rogers, Morgan

❤️ "The No-Girlfriend Rule"- Randall, Christen

🤍 "Margo Zimmerman Gets the Girl"- Shrum, Brianna R.

🩷 "The Second Mango"- Glassman, Shira

❤️ "The Outside"- Hoffman, Ada

🤍 "Everyone in this Room Will Some Day Be Dead"- Augstin, Emily

🩷 "How to Become A Planet"- Melleby, Nicole

Every book on this list and more can be found in the disability book archive!

Happy Browsing!

#books #disability books #disability #disability representation #disabled characters #lgbtq books #lgbtq+#lgbtq characters #lgbtq representation #lesbian characters #lesbian books #book list #books with disabled lesbian mcs #the disability book archive #images #described #alt text #caps

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sailorsally · 7 months ago

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Do not despair OCD girlies, if Rafa Nadal could get Roger Federer fall in love with him with his 'quirks', so can you 💗

#fedal #roger Federer #rafael nadal

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dcbutinamrev · 22 days ago

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I need to yap about my Outsiders OCs. I’m bored and want to yap about them so someone send me questions about them.

The OCs aka The Outsiders: The Next Generation:

Darrell “Dar” Michael Winston - age: 17, status: Greaser, the adopted oldest son of Sodapop Curtis and Dallas Winston, personality: Cocky, clever, much like Dally in personality, those two have so much beef with each other it’s wild. He’s kind but he’s also stubborn like his old man. Characteristics: Caucasian, brunette haired, brown eyed, tall about ‘5-7-‘6, lanky yet built. Wears a dark brown leather jacket like Matt Dillion’s in the movie as a hand me down from Dally, wears Dally’s St. Christopher necklace or dog tag necklace (has little but recognizable autism, I’m projecting). Parents died when he was born, mother after labor, father from alcohol. Wasn’t named when he was put up for adoption so Soda took the opportunity to name his son after his older brother who’s done so much for him and Pony🥹. Often called Dar to distinguish between Darrell Curtis and Darrell Winston.

Russell “Rusty” Wade: 17 (two months younger than Dar). Status: Greaser. Personality: Wise, intelligent, responsible of the Winston brothers. Characteristics: Auburn haired, green eyed, Caucasian, tall and lanky, bout 5’8. Wears brown leather jacket, white T with red collar on the T, cufflinks for accessories (Has OCD). Had to take care of his mother at the age of 5 after she emotionally shut down after his father’s death in a tragic car accident.

William “Skip” Jones: Greaser, 16, youngest of the Winston brothers, blonde curled and blue eyed, Caucasian. Personality: Cocky like his older brother, reckless, clever. Characteristics: Wears denim jacket, black T, ripped jeans and Nike shoes. Shortest of the three brothers, about 5’7. Lanky and yet built. Abusive, drunken father and protective, loving mother who’d do anything to protect her son. Has PTSD, ADHD, and Dyslexia. LOVES cars. Dream is to work at the DX, along side his Pops and Uncle Steve.

Chloe Ann Johnson: 17, Socialte, Darrell Winston’s girlfriend, blonde hair and blue eyed, wears a LOT of pink, kind and struggles to find her way between the Greasers and Socs. Looks up to Cherry Valance a lot. About 5’6. Father in marketing and mother a librarian.

Susanna Michelle Brown: 17, brunette haired and brown eyed, Socialite and Chloe’s best friend, Rusty’s girlfriend, a journalist and father in lawyer and mother in banking/news anchor

Amelia “Amy” Wilson: 16, Auburn haired and green eyed, freckled cheeks, socialite and Skip’s girlfriend, wise and kind, loves to read. Still developing her background. Father a real estate, mother a stay at home. Younger sister to Charlie Wilson and older sister to Daniel Wilson.

Charlie Wilson: Chloe’s best friend as well, 18, Auburn haired and brown eyed, protective of his siblings, especially his sister, loyal to his family and friends, a rising Will Rogers Football Star.

Daniel Wilson: 8-10, dark auburn haired and brown eyes, youngest of the Wilson siblings, wise and adorable, admires and is fascinated by Skip Jones.

Their face claims are under the cut! Working on drawing them but feel free to yap about the OCs with me! I’d be happy to answer y’all’s questions about them!!!!

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kirchefuchs · 1 year ago

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new, possibly dumber daydream thanks to Brandon Rogers audio.

Tinky: *either before or during transition into being better* I hear you have OCD. >8)

Pete: Yeah? What's the big whoop? >.>

Tinky: Well that means I can scare you with THIS! *holds up box*

Pete: That is...the least scary thing ever.

Tinky: Aha! >8D * shows one single spot with a tiny Pete banging on a window*

Pete: NOOOOO! D8

Moments later, probably during Tinky being scolded by Stopwatch when Pete tells what happened.

Pete: he's a jerk. >8T *holds up black book picture* And his horns are assymettrical. >.>

Tinky: *offended gasp* D8<

I may not know much, though im pretty sure that's not how ocd works. This is still silly, tho (sorry, I kept forgetting to answer this).

Anyways, I doodled the last little scene, Tinky is a mencace.

Daniel is just happy Tinky is starting to do more harmless pranks rather than proper torture.

#fanart #ask #hatchetverse #hatchetfield #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #nightmare time #nightmare time 2 #yellow jacket #peter spankoffski #stopwatch starkid #stopwatch #tinky starkid #tinky #tinky npmd #t'noy karaxis #tinky redemption arc

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noctiva · 4 months ago

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(No worries! I was just checking haha diagnosed with OCD and in the process of getting an Autism assessment at the moment)

But could I maybe request how Toby would be with an OCD s/o?

Not necessarily the stereotypical clean freak way but more so a lot of obsessive/intrusive thoughts? For example I have episodes where I'm freaking out over inherenting my dads Schizophrenia and I am just a paranoid WRECK for a good couple days

But then again I know Toby also has neurodivergent issues so maybe he'd just ignore it? Would he make it worse? Haha just maybe your take on how he'd handle that please?

Catharsis

Toby Rogers x GN!Reader

Thank you for the request lovely!! I hope this is okayyyy 👉👈just some fluffy supportive bf toby i love him sm

WC: 2.5k

Summary: Toby finds you in the middle of a war within your own mind, and makes you a promise he won’t ever break

CW: mentions of mental illness (schizophrenia specifically), Toby using the phrases ‘crazy’ and ‘having a screw loose’ to allude to it (he has it himself and copes with humour), paranoia and intrusive thoughts, descriptions of anxiety and panic attacks

You’re not crazy. You’re not crazy.

You don’t know how many times you’ve repeated that phrase to yourself over the past few days. In vain, because it just never seems to stick. Your mind doesn’t want it to. Your mind wanted you to be scared, to be paranoid, because that was the safest option. The best way to protect yourself.

Because… what if you were? What if you were just being ignorant, because of how much you didn’t want it to be true? What if you were already too far gone, your brain transforming from a tool into a weapon within your skull?

You would swear you were already hearing voices. Seeing things out of the corner of your eye that would disappear when you faced them. Surely, your heightened anxiety couldn’t be making things any better, but that wasn’t a fact at the forefront of your mind. All you knew, what that you would swear you could feel it - your mind deteriorating. Everything just felt all wrong.

Stood in the bathroom of you and your boyfriend Toby’s shared home, you stand in front of the mirror - fingers gripping the counter, eyes fixated on your reflection.

Would you be able to see physical changes, if something was wrong with you? Would it manifest in that way? You lean in closer, peering into the frantic eyes that stare right back at you. Were your eye bags always that dark? And were the whites of your eyes bloodshot?

You looked skinnier, right? More gaunt. Sickly even.

(Which - though you weren’t able to come to this conclusion yourself - was definitely because you had been in a state of near paranoid catatonia for the past five days.)

It was hard to function. And it was frustrating because you had been fine. You had been having a good week before this, good month even, and all it took was one little thing to send you spiralling.

One night, while you and Toby sat together on your couch in the living room, you swore you saw something move just out of your line of sight. A flash of something, that disappeared the moment you turned your head to look at it.

Now, it could’ve been a myriad of things. Trick of the light, shadows bouncing from the light of the television, the curtain moving as a breeze floated in through the cracked window.

But those were too safe. Too easily believed. Perfect excuses to brush something worse under the rug.

And with your family’s predisposition to illnesses that would cause such a thing, was it really so wrong to be worried? Or at least… Cautious?

You reach your hands up and press them against your face. They’re trembling, and clammy - smearing sweat against your cheeks when you touch them. And you just can’t tear your eyes away from your reflection. You - that person - in the mirror… It was possible, right? That your mind was deteriorating without you even noticing.

You had done your research. Disorders like schizophrenia didn’t start showing signs until later in life. Late teens to early twenties, specifically, and you were nestled snugly in that age bracket. These thoughts were not unfounded. Maybe it was already happening.

You press your hands down firmer. Was it already happening?

Your eyes dart around the mirror’s reflection, trying to find something - anything - that looked out of place. Wrong. Anything that could prove you right.

It was definitely already happening.

“Th-There you are. Why’d you just g-go and disappear on me?”

The sound of Toby’s voice yanks you out of your focus so harshly that it makes you flinch. You snap your head towards him, immediately pulling your hands away from your face, trying to look completely put together though you know it can’t be working. You’re still shaking, and because you had completely forgotten to shut the door, he had definitely just caught you deep in the throughs of the mental war you were waging.

You watch as it happens, the way his eyes shift from confused to worried the moment your gazes meet. He takes a hesitant step forwards, watching you carefully - eyes flickering down to your trembling fingers every so often. “Are you… Okay?” He asks, voice soft and concerned.

And you hate it. Hate how you’ve worked yourself into such an anxious knot, that he was approaching you like you were a scared animal.

But at the end of the day, was that not what you were?

“I’m fine.” You answer back a little too quickly, a little too harshly. His eyebrows furrow together, a crease forming on the bridge of his freckled nose, and you let out a shaky sigh. “I’m fine, really. Just, uh… Thinking.”

“Uh oh. D-Don’t do that.” Toby jokes softly, but the concern on his face hadn’t dissipated. It was such a him thing to do, that it doesn’t faze you at all when he tries to force humour into the clearly tense situation. When he doesn’t get so much as a sarcastic snort of laughter out of you though, he quickly realizes that this wasn’t just a sour mood he had found you in the middle of.

He takes another step closer, then another, peering down at you with a frown on his face. You watch as his eyes search your expression, roaming over every square inch like he was trying to decode you.

Oh, god. Could he see it too? The changes?

You knew that Toby himself had schizophrenia, along with a slew of other disorders that he dealt with on a day to day basis. If anyone would be able to tell something was wrong with you, it would be him. And as he’s staring down at you, seemingly peering into your soul, you wonder if he sees himself in you.

And though you love him dearly, right now you really hope he doesn’t. “T-Talk to me.” He finally murmurs after a few moments. “Something’s d-definitely wrong.”

You swallow thickly, struggling to maintain his gaze as you shift in front of him. It’s not that you didn’t want to talk to him, it was just the anxiety coming back in to wash another wave over you. What if… What if he thought you were being annoying, and irrational? Or what if he was already growing tired of dealing with you, and this was the final straw?

It was the unknowns that were making your heart pound in your chest.

“I’m…” You shift from one foot to the other, eyes flicking around to avoid him. It was difficult to though, when he was so close - head tilted down to encroach on your space further. He wasn’t trying to make you squirm on purpose, you knew that, and yet your skin was still crawling. “I’m just… Worried.” You mutter, to which he raises an eyebrow.

“Worried?” He asks. “About w-what?” He crosses his arms over his chest, leaning to the side to rest his hip against the bathroom counter. “You’ve d-definitely been off lately. But I d-didn’t want to bring it up…” Your eyes flick upwards, and you watch as he gnaws at his bottom lip - already cracked a raw from this constant habit of his. “Y’know, didn’t wanna m-make things worse, if you were just trying t-to work through it on your own or whatever.”

So he had noticed. You suppose that shouldn’t have been a surprise, but Toby worked often, leaving you at home alone more often than not. You had been hoping that the time away had hidden the shift in your demeanour. Obviously, that hadn’t been the case. “But at the same time, y-you know I don’t like it when you hide stuff ff-from me.”

“I’m not trying to hide anything.” You shoot back immediately, lips twitched down into a frown. Your fingers, still trembling, curl into fists down at your sides. Your eyes catch his, and he looks so damn worried it makes your heart ache. So, you take a shaky breath in, and finally let it out. “I’m worried… That I might be becoming like my dad.”

You whisper the words out, soft and quiet like you’re hoping he may not hear them. You’re kind of hoping he didn’t, so that you could come up with some other excuse and brush all of this off. Figure this all out on your own. Go back to overanalyzing every little instance in your life.

But he did hear you. Of course he did.

“Your d-dad?” His face scrunches up in confusion for a moment, his eyebrows wrinkling together. He watches your face for a few moments while the words sink in, and then realization washes over him like a wave of frigid water. His entire expression melts, bewilderment swapped for a look of pity that made your chest feel tight. “O-Oh… Oh, baby, no.”

He reaches up gently, two calloused palms coming to cup each side of your face. He’s so warm, or are you just that cold? You can’t tell, but the comfort is immediate. His thumb smooths against your cheek, the roughness of his skin a soothing sensation for your brain to latch on to. “You’re not, I p-promise.”

“How would you know?” You ask, voice quivering as you look up at him. You would like to just take his word for it and believe him, but if you couldn’t even convince yourself - it was a lot harder to simply give in to an outside force.

“Law of n-nature?” He hums as he gently strokes your face, his one hand moving back to thread into your hair instead. A soft pressure against the back of your head, cradling you. An anchor. “There c-can’t be two crazies in the household r-right? That just wouldn’t be fair.” You purse your lips at his second attempt to lighten the mood, and he lets out a sheepish little chuckle. “Sorry, ss-sorry. Just joking.”

He draws you in closer, slowly. Permeating through the bubble of dread that had been encasing you, bringing with him a warmth that only he possessed. “Listen to me though, o-okay? You’re alright. You will b-be alright. I’m certain of that.”

The hand cupping your cheek slides down, and then he’s resting two fingers under your chin - lightly tilting it upwards to look at him properly. You frown a little at his words, and open your mouth to protest, but he cuts you off. Seemingly knowing you were only going to launch another rebuttal in his direction. “And d-don’t say ‘you can’t know th-that for certain’ because yes I can.” He smiles down at you, even as your bottom lip starts to tremble. “No matter what ha-happens, you’ll be okay, b-because I will make sure of it.”

He tilts his head to the side, before pinching your chin gently. “Didn’t I tell you I’d a-always keep you safe?”

“Well, yeah.” You mutter back to him softly. “But this is different.”

“Maybe.” Toby hums. “But my p-point still stands.” He withdraws his hand minutely, then using it to brush a stray stand of hair out of your eyes. “If - and I said ‘if’,” He meets your eye before continuing, “Something did happen, I’d h-help you through it. I’m puh-pretty well versed on the topic of havin’ a screw loose, y’know.” This time, he actually does get a tiny snort out of you, but it’s enough to have his lips stretching into a grin. “But, I’m like 100% sure that you’re f-fine. I think your brain is just b-bullying you again.”

“Typical.” You mutter, to which Toby hums in agreement.

“H-Happens to the best of us.” He shrugs. “But letting it, is a whole ‘nother i-issue. G-Getting all anxious about it is probably just m-making it worse.”

You let out a reluctant little sigh, shoulders drooping as his words wash over you. You knew he was right, you really did, but it was just so difficult. It wasn’t like you wanted to be a nervous wreck, you just always felt like you didn’t stand a chance against your own mind. How could you? It was your brain, the thing that kept you ticking, was it even possible to fight it?

“I know.” You breathe out, leaning into his hand minutely. He notices this, and smiles softly as he tucks that strand of hair behind your ear. “It’s just hard.”

“Well of c-course it is.” He answers back softly. “But that’s why I’m h-here. To help.” He observes you for a moment, eyes warm and affectionate, before he ducks his head down to press a gentle kiss to the centre of your forehead.

And he had meant that, because that’s all he had ever wanted himself. Help. A shoulder to lean on. Someone to rub his temples when his thoughts got too loud.

He knew what it was like to not have that. To have to wade through the thicket all on your own, shrouded in darkness as your own mind works against you. It was something he wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy, and so he definitely let it happen to you - the love of his life.

His eyes wander over your face, quickly fixating on the dark circles ringing your bloodshot eyes. His smile morphs into a little frown immediately. “Have you b-been sleeping?”

Your eyes flick away from him, before you sheepishly murmur;

“Not really.”

“Eating?” He presses on, his hand moving to trace the curve of your cheekbone before doing the same to your jawline.

“Also… Not really.” You mutter, looking back to him for a moment - which proved to be a mistake. God, he looked so distraught. You feel your stomach twist.

“That’s… An issue.” Toby frowns. You watch as his eyes as a multitude of different thoughts pass through his mind, before he’s reaching down and curling his fingers around your wrist. He gives it a tug as he turns and starts making his way out of the bathroom, bringing you with him. “C’mon. I’m g-gonna cook you somethin’, a-and then we’re going straight to bed.”

“It’s like, five pm.” You chuckle softly, but let him tug you along behind him anyway, working in speedwalk behind him to keep up with his longer strides.

“So w-what? You g-got somethin’ against n-naps?” He counters, turning his head to throw a raised eyebrow back at you. “Haven’t g-gotten to fall asleep with you much this p-past week. All these ss-stupid - tweet! - stupid late night missions.”

You round the corner into your kitchen, where he doesn’t let go of you for one second even as he starts searching through cupboards with his free hand. “W-What do you want? I’ll make you something r-real nice.”

He turns to look at you with a smile, and you feel your heart flutter. A warm, gentle feeling flowing through your veins and relaxing muscles you hadn’t even realized had been tensed.

And you think, he may be right. You’d be alright.

However the cards fell.

—————————————————————————☆

Again, thank you for the request!! It was nice to write something fluffy for once

I feel cleansed ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

#toby rogers #creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #ticci toby #ticci toby x reader #ticci toby x you #toby rogers x reader #creepypasta headcanon #crp

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