#ofcourse feel free to disagree with me

[rwby-confess]

Confession #118

[misty-memories09]

Zenitsu actually is better written than you might think [part i.]

to me revisting shows/books means that you tear apart every character to see what they're made of.

is this pro zenitsu? depends on how you see it.

i feel like, sometimes he's overhated like yeah it's not wrong to hate him (its not wrong to hate any character as long as it's not mean spirited because thats just weird; it's okay to hate any character for whatever reason i just think it's crossing the line when you're treating the character as a real person you know or harassing fans of said character) but sometimes it's just over, you understand what i'm saying? i can't fully blame them because there are sometimes that he's used as a character archetype which makes me frustrated aswell, however it's so so overdone it's actually pathetic.

personally, i don't think it is because some of his actions don't have to be "correct" for him to be well-written. there are absolutely times where i don't like him but the thing is, studying a character's arc and claiming it's well-written is not equals to the character is perfect or dumb shit like that because if he was, he wouldn't be well-written because being flawed is necessary imo.

i'm going to be clear here this post is only going to cover the anime and the manga not the light novels because i haven't read them(i couldn't get myself to), and no doubt they may have something about his character so feel free to spoil me, however this is only about the anime/manga.

anyways, with that out of the way this is strictly my opinion regarding his character arc. you're free to disagree, and we can even talk about it as long as you're respectful about your opinions and understand that you're gonna have slim chances of changing mine.

to start off, this is going to be a long one, so i'm going to split them into parts.

(now that i think about it i should make the texts yellow not purple but my blog's theme is purple so eh).

Part I.I — Cowardice; what does mean to be brave?

Now look, I don't understand why people hate him for being a coward considering the world he's being exposed to at the age of sixteen.

I don't know about you but I think it's not unusual that after being exposed man-eating horror in person someone's reaction is shock, terror or fear, even sorrow and/or anger depending on whether they witnessed the death of someone they're close to and their own personalities.

Naturally, it would be on different from person to person. Zenitsu happens to outwardly convey this...this is personal opinion but i absolutely hate the emotionless character types, don't get me wrong I don't dislike the one's that actually have depth, I mean the one dimensional ones sung jinwoo because I think backstories, what reason is it that they behave this way for is much appreciated because it adds actual depth to a person while not exactly apologising each one of their actions.

now, there is a reason why i think s1 zenitsu was the best which feels like a wild thing to say but stay with me, okay?

Subpart i; Not so trope-y as he seems?

we're not talking about this right now, I do have things to say about it but I'll cover it in a bit because I think there is a deeper connection to his behaviour, despite me thinking this was rather creepy, especially from the girl's position.

however for now I would like to tell you to completely disconnect from this world. Look at him like your learning a subject for now and not think from the girl's position because this isn't about that, not yet.

My personal way of studying characters is to first take in all the information, find the connection and then think about it from the character's point of view and then from the surrounding.

now throughout this whole episode we see him being a total coward and crying his throat off which is funny because in the episode after the next one we find the first actual instance of him being brave.

Now, ofcourse, during the mansion fight we find out that he fights really good when he sleeps which feels like a plot device because all he needs to do is sleep and it'll be okay.

Anyways in Episode 13; 'Something more important than life' we get the first glimpse of his bravery.

Here, he was just thinking about Tanjiro and how what was inside this box was more important to him than his life, despite knowing there was a demon inside of it.

And oh my god is that depth? In Zentisu? Already? seriously though how is this not talked about at all? I truly felt that people would be talking about this more when I first watched the show.

he knew his opponent was much stronger, he still stood his ground, why?

(If it's starting to sound like Zentan propaganda it's because I've shipped them ever since this scene lol so it's probably showing)

Because of this, just because of this. And it's honestly very sad if you think about it, it's never talked enough about even though it's right there. It's possibly because s1 isn't as liked as the other seasons, however I think character-depth wise this was the best zenitsu season.

We come to know that he's been lied to a lot, even still he's always believed them even if he knew just because he wanted to believe that there was someone who actually liked him.

Which leads me to believe that even the act of believing from a person like zenitsu is actually an act of bravery itself, despite the countless times of hurt he's choosing to believe whether or not the person is lying to him.

Even in Mt. Natagumo, we see him showing bravery. [Yes he did go inside because tanjiro took nezuko with him lol but he still went after them to the scary mountain so]

This is also the second time we're left alone with Zenitsu's thoughts. We actually see that he has some form of abandonment issues.

This could actually be because of all the times he's had his trust broken and also the reason why he always wants to believe despite knowing what they actually think of him, and this is what makes me think that him still choosing to believe might not actually be a brave thing but rooted in something more sadder, instead it's him wanting to think that maybe there is someone who actually likes him. [fucks me up that giyuu gets more leeway and even gets infantalised...makes sense they find giyuu attractive but this is a topic for another day]

in this very same episode, he admits that he hates himself more than anyone else can. I feel like he acts this way because this is the only way he can, acting dumb about people's opinions on him actually attracts them, even if it's just to exploit him.

I think this really needs to be talked about more, he's a teenager, not a fricking adult and hell even adults have their moments! It's normal for people to react to their own traumas their own ways.

It takes me back to our first impression of him, which we can now connect to this newly found information.

subpart ii; What does his actions truly reflect?

From what we've now learnt from him is that, in the past he's had many girlfriends who wanted to exploit him for money. He knows when people talk behind his back but he still believes in them even though he knows they don't like him.

On top of that he's so used to that certain type of behaviour towards him he wants to cry when he first hears the sound coming from Tanjiro. Here, the focus isn't Tanjiro's sound but Zenitsu's reaction to it.

If we focus on Zenitsu's reaction to Inosuke and Tanjiro going inside Mt. Natagumo, we can see him wondering whether or not they hate him over just that. It's actually rooted into the idea that he has of the people surrounding him, as if he can feel happiness, even if it's fake, if he just puts his faith on those wrong kinds of people.

So when we see him harassing that girl, it is definitely a wrong action and he does face consequences for it aka getting beaten up by the girl so now what I want you to focus on where does this behaviour even come from? And you'll find that we already figured out the answer, he's someone who doesn't realise how actual relationships work due to being exploited in every single previous relationships.

aanndddd I used of 30 images per post, meet you in part 1.2 💀

[garbagepile]

Okay I'm seeing an opinion pop up that I just, don't really agree with. So euh- here's my take-

(Note! This isn't targeted towards anyone, I've seen different people across multiple social media platforms say this)

I disagree with the idea that mys Garroth is mcd Garroth without any trauma.

For a number of reasons.

1. Mcd Garroth was obviously in way more life or death sort of situations, there's no denying that. But Mystreet Garroth is far from problemless with a perfectly happy life? Even before Mystreet season 4. The way Garte overidealises him and doesn't acknowledge any of Garroth's faults is not healthy for a kid. It's pressuring, wether that's intentional or not, and without it being told to him directly. When a child is spoken of as if they're flawless and about to achieve all these great things while only being a toddler, they're gonna think of themselves as an imposter and as if they have to live up to those impossible praises.

Ofcourse I don't know if Jess knows that the way Garte treats Garroth would be unhealthy for him, even if it seems nice. But that's what it would realistically do.

This part is speculation but I believe that ever since Garte had fallen ill in mcd and beyond that, he was likely far more directly pressuring. Rather then doing this under the layer of praise.

Mystreet Garroth also does not want to inheret the business, and tries to find excuses to avoid it. Both "run away" in a sense. Garroth also blames himself for things outside of his control in the later seasons of mystreet. He also seems to bottle his emotions up about being mindcontrolled. It's just that in mystreet, Garroth hides these feelings behind a smile rather then a helmet or attempts at being stoic like mcd Garroth does.

Also, also mcd Garroth is more then just the trauma he's endured. So even IF mystreet Garroth was traumaless this wouldn't hold up.

Which ties into point two.

2. Garroth is incredibly different in each universe. He is one of the most consistently different characters across each series. I made a post about this before on my now deleted account. But to summarise; Garroth tends to (atleast on the surface level) really embodies the stereotypes of his settings.

It seems to me he purposefully works hard to fit in and embody the norms and values of those around him and whatever group he belongs to.

Although, it could also just mean he was adaptable back when he was younger and being naturally more influenced by his surroundings without a conscious effort. However, mcd Garroth chose to be a guard and then really clung onto those values. Which disproves this, but it always could be a combination of both of those reasons.

Also by the way, the moment he ran away, it was his own choice to become a guard and deal with all the responsibilities. Taking those up was his choice, he wasn't impotent in the matter. So I wouldn't say it's accurate to say the difference between mystreet and mcd Garroth is mcd's responsibilities either. Because Garroth could've chosen a similar path in mystreet but didn't. I'd say a more accurate alternative to this is that mcd Garroth settled down, he found his duty and place in phoenix drop. Meanwhile mystreet Garroth is still running, mentally. He still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life, and he still isn't free from the life he doesn't want (which is inhereting the company for mystreet Garroth). (Mcd isn't entirely free from it either but it's much less inevitable for him then for mystreet Garroth. Granted it's also much more terrifying and awful for him then for mystreet Garroth).

Basically; mystreet Garroth is a Millennial, so he behaves like one. Mcd Garroth is a guard, so he behaves like one. Naturally there's gonna act differently. But Garroth acts especially different depending on the setting since he works hard to fit in and embody whatever it is he's supposed to be.

[yosaflamesworld]

give me fumus x god reader smut

topic can b up 2 u i just need more fumus x reader content

FUMUS X GOD!READER

Warnings: NFSW, cursing, angst at the start.

Reader has no gender but has a clit. With a symbol that covers it. Like etihw.

—

You lay in your shared bed waving your hair in your hands peacefully, as your lover fumus went out as always to either watch husband creations train or just sleep in his office or discipline his angels as he says. Those poor darlings. But he says it's nothing to worry about as always, you've kept watch over a few, especially taffy, the one that suffered the most out of all, poor him, you felt bad for all of them especially elwine, recently Nadine had disappeared. It gravely upset the cat like angel, she came crying to you about her, you asured her she'd return eventually. She'd hugged you so tightly. You cradled her sobbing form that moment. She thanked you for making her feel better after that, she usually hung around you when she wasn't happy.. to think now I think it's time to get up

You get up and dress up brushing your hair as your aura flows around you, you then look presentable with your perfect outfit, you head towards the door and open and step outside, everyone's around, training, fumus no where to be seen, ofcourse.. taffy teaching his class how to get rid of demons, natural. Maybe just grumpy again. You go off to do your own thing, for the whole day

TIME SKIP.

It's almost nighttime, you decide to watch the sunlight, your hair floats in the wind.. you feel a presence, a strong and forceful one.. you turn around to see your loved fumus. Smoking behind you..

"Mm... come on.. were going inside now."

"Ah.. okay.."

There's no way you can disagree or argue. Your punishment may be worse than taffys, more brutal. You follow him inside, best to be obedient, you follow him to ypur shared bedroom, then he's nowhere to be seen, you suddenly lifted and thrown into the bed. He puts ĥis warm hand and fingers to your thigh and began hand rubbing it roughly. You shutter and whimper as he towers over you.. still kissing you. He breaks off the kiss, panting a bit from how long you were kissing for. He leans into your neck and puts kisses and hickeys. "Slut. My pretty little cum slut"He then uses his free hand to move your underwear and pants and move it down your legs forcefully.. you whimper due to the contact he's making on your neck, you don't notice the contact he's gonna make on you, He straightens his posture, taking your pants and underwear.. revealing your clit, with symbol on it. Specially a cloud symbol, he then sticks a finger into your clit, he already begins pumping it in And out harshly. You choke sob and Moans to this, it hurts, but it feels so good at the same time, God you were beginning to reach your high between your pain and pleasure high. As soon as you almost did he pulls out his slick covered finger. It dripped, he plops it into your mouth, He smirks as you struggle to keep his finger in your mouth, "Your being so good for me... you deserve this dick don't you..?"

You nod almost to your high if he kept this up.. he puts his hand to his pants and zips it down and then pulling his boxers down enough for his massive, veiny dick to come out, he just shoves it into your aching clit, and begins moving after a 5 seconds pass. He's just thrusting carelessly, you moan and arch as he keels this up at a fast but soon he'll be going at a harsh pace, his dick going into your aching wet folds. He's gonna fucking oversimulate you badly, you won't be out of the bedroom for days. He doesn't care though. You reach your high as he's still rotting into your wet folds, ruining you each time, but your almost close to cumming"A-Ah... fumus! I-I'm.. gonn- cum..Please!"He smirks as he Thrusts harshly into you"Heh..Whore."

He Thrusts and fucks into you Relentlessly as you moan and cry for him to stop, and be slower. But he just degrades you and Thrusts harsher each time you beg... you then.. reach your second climax of the night.. but.

"I'm not Finished With You yet. Slut."

.

[hualianschild]

Genuine question. I loved many elements of the apothecary diaries, the mystery, the unsexualised main lead and the slice-of-lifey vibe to it and just about everything else also ticks all things I love about stories in media. The problem is there is ginormous off-putting almost triggering thing in it. The setting and how it displays women.

Does the setting of apothecary diaries not upset any others girl watcher’s stomach? If you want a detailed ask i can send one :(

I geniunly mean no harm, but I saw anime feminists say it’s one of the best piece of media that navigates womens struggles and I’m so flabbergasted.

hello thanks for the ask and yes you can send me a detailed ask I don't mind ^^

so the thing about the apothecary diaries is that it's based on ancient historical china and and as with any historical based media ofcourse there will be lots of misogyny and homophobia and every bad old thinking thing you can think of, as someone who watches lots of historical fantasy related things, things like these are a common occurrence atp and I'm so used to it that I'll be surprised if a piece of historical media is non toxic and full of positive vibes. In the apothecary diaries there's this system of the emperor keeping concubines in a separate palace and all they're useful for is to provide heirs and I'm like yeah it was the usual scene back in the day (there's just this ONE ruler in china who kept just one partner his entire life and he's famous for that if I remember correctly) and I can't do anything abt it now cuz that system has long been abandoned now as with the slavery system too

I think the anime feminists saying it's a good depiction of women struggles aren't wrong as maomao who's seen as the daughter of a commoner somehow got sold as a servant and is bound by a contract and everyone suffers in a slavery system and adding the fact that people try to disregard her advice cuz she's a woman and a teenager and a slave at that really reflects back to what usually happens to women in modern times too but even after that she has a friend who she talks with abt their struggles of being a servant and that she's still enthusiastic about poisons and herbs and everything related to apothecary and doesn't let those people from stopping her in persuing her interests whenever she can while still trying to save her life (servants meant nothing to the ruling class so they can be easily k worded off) just makes me so happy, she's now thriving cuz everyone knows how talented she is and very clever to the point they go to her to ask for suggestions and advice about their problems and trust her to help cure their problems is a good representation of how people let their internal misogyny stop them from seeing what's actually there

so yeah these were my thoughts I know some might disagree here and there but feel free to point out if there's a flaw or something here hope this helps ~

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

Puts out a new nice poem and then releases music video with assault scene in it during thia not so good for him times... Till really is something else.

what follows is my personal opinion, so feel free to disagree entirely:

With regards to the video i'm withholding judgment until i've seen the entire thing in context. Ofcourse the one scene they put in the teaser is there to provoke, and i'd say he succeeded. But remember Rammstein's Deutschland video when the one bit that was used as teaser was of the WWII prisoners and loads of people were ready to critique them of being insensitive (at best) (and i'm sure some still do), but in the context of the complete video i would say it was actually a real honest depiction of German history and showed a vital part of that (and even more interesting, it showed that people were inprisoned or killed for various reasons, which is the raw truth, although a truth that Germany has had a difficult time to come to terms with, and Rammstein hit the sore spot).

We know the dreadlock hairdo from photos Till's friend accidently (?) leaked at the time, and that was before the allegations stuff, but in theory it is possible that a video was shot at the time, but that it was reshot more recently to change the narrative (maybe as a reaction to the allegations), and unless we see the whole thing, we don't know the message it wants to convey.

The poem is interesting to me, because, apart from art being open to interpretation, and we don't have (and probably won't get) Till's own comment on what he intended with it. But at some points during the last months i may have had the feeling that Till wasn't bothered or had a 'FU' attitude to what happened. At the very least during the few bits i had seen from his tour (but as you may know, Till's imagery in his solowork is not my thing) he seemed to continue in the same vein as before and possibly provocatively announcing holding after-parties etc; again, it could be interpreted as a FU...

Well the poem, to me, shows that it does bother him, and that it gets to him. Maybe the fact that people again painted slogans somewhere in his neighbourhood recently, still not letting go of the allegations and now he got back to Berlin after the tour and saw it with his own eyes, was the proverbial 'final straw' that prompted him to write the poem... maybe he already made the poem months ago...don't know.

What is interesting to me too, is that the allegations stuff is often attributed to politically speaking 'left-wing' inclined people; and slogans that are used are usually targetted at 'right-wing' others. But we know for a fact that Rammstein as a whole and Till too are, well, officially political, but if we would *have* to 'label' them, it would be decidedly 'left-wing'. I've felt more than once, that actually the phrases used and actions done by the accusers (and their hangers-on) are going to extremes that actually tend to loop back towards the other end of the political spectrum. The accusations without proof, the cancel culture...isn't it really the same as silencing people because of their beliefs or way of life that happens in Right-wing society? If everything in life is a circle, if you go to the extreme left, don't you run the risk of unintentionally becoming extreme right yourself?

The phrase in the poem"Rot wird braun" (Red becomes brown) reminds me a lot of Left-wing (often represented with color red) turning into Right-wing (especially in 1930/1940's Germany the color of Right wing politics)...and although it is just my interpretation, i wouldn't be surprised if Till made that connection too.

Of all of Till's solowork, i appreciate his poetry the most, and this is no exception.

And the poem sparked my interest in the video more than before i read it, so it will be interesting to see the whole 🌺

[agape-emo-eros]

Recently I've been thinking about something: Aziraphale tries to do good while Crowley tries to not do bad.

Aziraphale activelly tries to make the world a better place, take care of ppl (and amnesiac archangels) and refuses to leave even when that poses great danger to him. But he's often misguided in his attempts because he fails to see the complexity of the situation, like with Wee Morag. He's preppared to make tough call and chose the lesser evil, like trying to kill Adam for the sake of the world (another thing he did without the necessary information). We see with the nonconsentual ball he meddles with the humans too much and tramples over their free will.

Crowley, on the other hand, tries not to do bad. His goal isn't to lessen the amount of evil, he will just try not to carry out Hell's shemes when it happens that he was supposed to do something he disagrees with. It's logical given his status as a demon (just like it's logical for Aziraphale to do the kind of good Heaven could accept).

But the bad happens regardless. Humans invent horrors beyond his imagination daily, evil won't end just because there isn't anybody tempting them to be greedy or prideful. Something needs to be done.

And this different attitudes are also a big part of what happens in the final 15. For Aziraphale doing nothing if he can possibly make a difference isn't an option. And we all know that doing anything worthwhile is practically impossible to do alone. So, coupled with Metatrons thinly vailed threats, the chance to change things ofcourse convinces Aziraphale to accept. For Crowley for whom doing nothing has long been the best most moral option and who hates Heaven for rejecting him going back is also logically not an option.

Aziraphale, yes, has to learn nuance, and we see him do that (even tho some of the lessons feel too late in the series to me. The final convo they have in the victorian flashback was in the book at the very start of the Arrangement). But Crowley has to learn to meddle more, has to learn that as Terry puts it in Guards! Guards! "They accept evil not because they say yes, but because they don't say no". And we also see some of that with how Crowley now openly (and without Aziraphale's prompting like with Jim) cares about ducks and how he saved that guy from being thorn apart by demons.

Aziraphale and Cowley have equal opposite issues and I for one think that is beautiful (and also the point).

[rin-and-jade]

This question touches upon the notion of “traumagenic” and “endogenic”; as well as The Theory of Structural Dissociation. The Theory of Structural Dissociation seemingly supports endogenics as it states that there are ��natural born” systems. They would be “endogenic” because they're not born from trauma, (as those who are “traumagenic” are).

I recently had a discussion with someone in a yt comment section about those two terms and they pointed me to you, so I just want to see what you think.

I believe in endogenic systems; because why would a book (the DSM) made by those who don't even experience plurality determine whether something exists or not? And as systems, those who are heavily categorized and misunderstood or looked down upon because they don't fit the singlet category, I feel as though we should embrace different forms of neurodiversity.

My questions are: what is the real line between "traumagenic" and "endogenic"? Are systems who were born as a system and weren't exasperated by trauma (like an endo) any less valid or real than those who were exasperated by trauma (traumagenic)? Or because of that theory, if that's how all systems work, aren't all systems "endogenic"?

Before reading: Long post. This purpose is to discuss and look at things in another pov, not intended to debate current beliefs/opinions. TLDR Provided. Last notes at bottom.

To clarify first, im in a neutral stance between the endo and traumagenic community as i focus more on the better of living for any kinds of plural people. Your question did seemed interesting and i had ever discussed this by myself on free time, so i do got some answers for you!

The line between these two are its origin and functionality, to put it in my opinion. The unique thing about plurality is that, i can totally see it being possible that it can exist outside of trauma.

Well, let me explain it to you like this:

An intact personality is where multiple facets are cohesive, and these facets that gives you that said personality is your identity. It's how you see yourself, and act like who you know. Basically, it's how you can act differently in different situations be it at school, at home, at somewhere else etc.

The thing about where personality is located in our brain has been a complex topic for scientists, if i remember correctly, there wasn't a specific spot for it as our brain has multiple areas with different functionality, and these regions cooperating creates a tangible output like how you react, or your typical behaviors.

I kept finding singlets discussing things that looks like really mild system things, and especially from this one youtube video (im so sorry i couldn't provide the link, it has been months ago i had watched but it discussing this too by a doctor or something. lmk if i have to find it again) quotes that the brain fools us into thinking theres only one 'kind' of us, not by it's exact words but close. These people can have different levels in terms of sense of personality unity btw, so not all singlets are the same either.

Now the origin and functionality for a traumagenic is different, because these states are being separated, and compartmentalized due to trauma. The presence of amnesia blocks the other side's of selves sometimes to severe degrees, now acting independently. There is also proof that the grey matter and the communication between regions are different, compared to a healthy brain (i can find the links for this too if needed). Well, you could read more about DID if needed.

So no, neither are less valid, but that doesn't mean both works the same or have the same processes either. Which means, not all systems are endogenic by origins.

Lastly, this is from what i had learnt and connect the dots over many sources i had read to ensure a wide perspective, nuanced understandings in topics. I am fully aware if some of you seem to disagree or see my views as wrong,, we have our own pov's ofcourse. i don't want to fight about validating my pov alright? Im also open to feedback/extra questions, im as well aware of the existence of fake/bad endos and do not support them.

TLDR: There are real life experiences and proof that supports the idea of being plural in mild/different ways, or ways that are different to traumagenics due to the complexity of the brain. Neither are the same in terms of how it functions and where it came from. Neither are also less valid.

- j

[glitteredjohns]

Frerard theory

-when they mention each other in their songs pt 1

⚠️Make sure to not hate in the comments. If you're not interested chill out, go out!

The protagonist from now will be Frank since he started it all. But soon ofcourse we're gonna have some hesitant alien. We have those mentions since Leathermouth, so this is gonna be a long journey... First we're gonna start with the newest songs. Why? Because that's what we care about at this moment so I guess it makes more sense.

We're gonna do Barriers first and then we're gonna go back to Leathermouth and do it chronologically right, sometimes mentioning some mcr songs and you guys are going to understand why soon.

Sometimes Frank can mention him in a song randomly and then all the rest of the song is about something else, we're not talking about those. Reminding you that this is how I read his songs, so you guys are free to comment if you want to add something or disagree of something I said.

1. Fever Dream

"I bask in silence

Want you to notice"

He suffers with no answers from him or what he should do and he wants G's attention about it.

"You gotta bleed to make me believe"

That means he wants Gerard to feel the same. Frank is really bad about everything they could not have but he feels like Gerard don't care as much as him.

"Pain hides my scent

I need a brand new shadow " The Shadow that he mentions can be translated as his past. A past that he can't get rid of, kind of thing that is common in his lyrics, like in Oceans for example.

"I'm ashamed of what remains in me"

He feels like parts of him still wants what they had and that makes him ashamed.

"Black heart and tongue tied"

He left those feelings behind to keep a normal and healthy life. Tied his tongue not saying anything about it.

"I'm old and loaded

I got it all and I still want more"

Frank speaks of how he can't let it die. He lived it and had it all but still he wants that again. To be with G.

"When dust makes dust and our faces meet

I disconnect from every string you tied to me"

When things start to feel normal again (maybe about the reunion) he will be free again. (Seems like it's happening!

[just-a-fangirl13]

Thoughts & Theories about MacGyver 5x10 [MacRiley]

HOLY SHIT! 

This episode was absolutely INSANE. Im writing out my thoughts once and for all because I need to stop thinking about everything that happened (I highly doubt I will be able to but here's to trying)

SPOILERS FOR 5x10 OFCOURSE

Straight off the bat, I was screaming *internally* and yelling at Mac when he showed the diamond to Bozer. I suspected it yesterday when we got the snippet of Murdoc saying the words DIAMOND and RING with extra emphasis..(everyone on twitter said I was jumping to conclusions.. I thought so too honestly) But damn I did NOT expect them to actually do that!

Now here's why I am not mad about it anymore. [this is my interpretation you are free to disagree]

Firstly, when Mac told Bozer he was going to propose he didnt say I’m doing it because I love Desi or I want to spend the rest of our lives together or because she’s the one (doesn't mean he doesnt care for her ofcourse)

He said “Ever since I lost my dad & Jack, I have been thinking about the bigger picture and a commitment to make things work is exactly what Desi and I need right now. A grand romantic gesture.” He wanted to propose for stability so he could finally be on the same page with her. They never really defined their relationship before and this was a way for Mac to final bring it together. A grand romantic gesture is usually something people use to win their partners back which is what Mac was trying to do I guess. It almost sounds like he has to do it so he doesn't lose her again 

(ill get to my second reason in the end)

Then ofcourse Bozer tells Riley about it so she can be prepared. Bozer is such a good friend. He is supportive of Mac AND wants to protect Riley. I love him for it! He really is doing everything to be the best friend he can to both of them. (Leannas death was so painful and I just want to hug him but thankfully Riley had that covered.)

Next we get the BIG REVEAL. The moment all of us had been waiting for. 

The moment that SHOOK Angus MacGyver and CHANGED EVERYTHING!

Rileys Feelings!

“You want me to say it out loud? Fine. Yes I had feelings for Mac. There I said it. and yeah watching him and Desi together was breaking my heart so I moved out of his house. I should have said something to him a long time ago but I didn’t and now its over. ”

I had the opposite of a HEART ATTACK! (my heart rate was through THE ROOF!)

I have to say they really really outdid themselves on this reveal. 

SIDE NOTE: If anyone comes for Riley and tries to call her a slut or a home wrecker? You will have me to deal with. Even after Murdoc played the clip of her confession she still tried to deny it and brush it off so it wouldn't complicate things for Mac and Desi. If Riley had wanted, she could have easily told Mac this to his face while he was dating Desi and then let things happen from there but she DIDNT. She kept that secret buried so deep she herself was in denial.

(also if anyone calls Mac a player or anything like that.. I will end you. He is doing his best to deal with everything that has happened to him and people keep giving him shit for it....)

Anyways, we see Mac’s expression & he is just confused and shocked and clearly not trying to think about it because it changed EVERYTHING for him. 

[Murdoc saying I THINK IM ON TEAM RILEY was a HUGE HIGHLIGHT for me! I love him so damn much!]

Desi took it really well too actually. If they keep going down this road of growth and maturity for her I think I could actually like her again. (Russ too when he apologised to Bozer) 

She didnt throw a hissy fit or say I knew it or look at Riley like she was the villain. She focused on the mission & I respect her for that.

(Riley does say, “the next thing you are going to hear on that recording-” and then gets cut off by Desi.. If this will come into play at some point later on or if it was just her trying to explain herself, remains to be seen.)

Then after the climax, we finally hear Riley say the words to Mac in real time and we get our FIRST MacRiley hug of the season! 

At this point I thought they would agree to be friends and make the friendzone thing clear BUT NOPE. (you have no idea how happy I am about it not going down like that!)

I was also a puddle on the floor. SO

“Mac look-”

“You don’t have to say anything if you dont want to. Really.”

“I want to. Last year in Germany. I realised I was starting to have feelings for you. Real feelings. I didnt want to make anything weird between you and Desi. I didnt want to mess up our work or our friendship so I decided to bury it. Until the feelings passed.”

“Emotions aren’t a science. You can’t control them.”

Gosh they are so perfect together! The way they look at each other and the HUG! OH MY GOD THE HUG! Its just perfection.

Now we also see this from Desi’s POV. Again no anger or jealousy from her. I think it was an understanding. She realised that she and Mac were never going to work.. maybe a little pain but honestly everything that went down with her and Mac was her fault too. The lack of trust and understanding was always a problem for them. Sure, things were going well but she didnt seem like she was ready for a commitment if im being honest. If Mac had proposed I think Desi would have said no.(again nothing wrong with that) 

She didnt want to label their relationship..they haven't said the words I love you to each other and I dont think they even live together. It really was way too sudden.(these are just things im assuming people define how well a relationship is going by.. I have no experience.)

Then ofcourse we have what im calling the goodbye scene. Its the break up before the break up in my opinion.

Desi tells Mac that they should pretend the last 24 hours never happened (that might actually include Mac wanting to propose but make of it what you will..) and that they should have a clean slate. But its very clear from Mac’s face and Desi sees it too that he isnt 100% onboard with it. He cant forget about it.

Which is when Desi says “Look Mac just do whatever you feel is right” and Mac looks confused.

She then gives him a goodbye kiss. 

Look if you have ever watched any show/movie before where the characters are saying goodbye to each other or breaking each others hearts...THERE IS ALWAYS A KISS ON THE CHEEK. A final farewell of sorts. 

That is what it seemed like to me. It was Desi telling Mac to do what he has to. Even if it inevitably leads to their break up.

Again real emotional maturity from Desi here!

Then we get the scene, Monica Macer (the show runner) tweeted about back in December.

Mac knocking on someones door. If im being honest? I thought it was Desi’s place and he was going to propose...

BUT it turned out to be Riley’s.

Mac clearly hasn't stopped thinking about what happened. I wouldnt either if my best friend who has put her life on the line for me and trusts me 100%, now has feelings for me? That would turn my world upside down too.

especially if I had feelings for her that I buried so deep that I never acknowledged them.

Also this is my scenario for how their first kiss goes down just FYI.. (Mac showing up at Rileys doorstep and finally confessing his feelings and kissing her *probably won't happen that way now though, but I still love it*)

Mac hesitates for a second before finally knocking on her door.

“Mac? Everything okay?”

“I can’t pretend like the last 24 hours didnt just happen. They did. So I gotta ask. Did it work?”

“Did what work?”

“Hiding your emotions and letting it pass. Did they go away?”

and I proceeded to pass out. My brain just checked out...

Now initially in all my freaking out I thought Mac was asking Riley about his feelings. If HE buried them deep enough would he still be able to move on with Desi but then I rewatched it and I realised he was asking RILEY if her feelings were still there, if there was still a possibility of something ever happening. 

She never told him its all good now! my feelings are gone and it was a long time ago. She told him she buried it but he needed to know if a future with Riley was something tangible. 

BASICALLY ANGUS MACGYVER ASKED RILEY DAVIS IF SHE WAS STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM. *I think I need to go to a hospital now*

So this was my second reason for not being annoyed about the proposal. The writers used it to show what a huge impact it would have on Mac. How much Rileys feelings would actually mean to him. the GAME CHANGER it would be.

A friend of mine said it was kinda funny and a little jarring but I liked it. (I could have done without the proposal) But I understand why they did it. They couldnt have Mac and Desi break up the same day Riley’s feelings came out because then people would hate Mac. They had to make him want to take the next step with Desi but then drop a bomb on him, that would make him question everything.

Again this is what I took away from it.

BUT GOSH WAS THIS EPISODE AMAZING!

I do get that some people are not happy with this and some said it was too sudden *not like we’ve been waiting since season 1 or anything* but I think after 5x11 things will slow down again. Mac may break up with Desi only at the end of the season when he finally comes to terms with his feelings. (Some people are still cautious and I get it but after everything that just happened I find it hard to believe that Mac and Riley won't end up together after all.. not to mention the leaked script conversation between Mac and Riley from 5x15)

Now I dont know how the final scene ends.. they definitely dont get called away for their solo mission immediately after because Mac’s cheek injury is relatively healed in this stills, which means Riley does answer Mac’s question. She may try to avoid it or deflect but he is standing right there so...who knows.

Next weeks episode is a MacRIley solo mission and lets just say things definitely are heating up a bit..*wink wink*

YUP IM HYPED. 

BRING ON THE SEXUAL TENSION AND THE ANGST!

[takanova12]

I love eremika to bits, but I just can't ignore the possibility that they might be destined for a tragic fate.

She loves him but has her own moral standards. She wants to stop him.

She is time and again presented with this possibility.

But ofcourse she doesn't want to consider killing him.

This time she doesn't get to answer...

And then we have this.

Maybe he is killed by someone else and she is there to console him in his last moments, but the narrative around mikasa is implying for a really tragic destiny for these two.

I also can't shake the feeling that eren is portrayed as the devil not only in his plan to kill everyone, but also in his physical appearance.

He doesn't want to burden anyone with himself because he will die.

But he wants people dear to him to continue living peacefully. And to ensure that, he needs to leave a safe world behind for them. So, he won't stop no matter what. I believe talking will do nothing now. He has come too far and is willingy to go to extreme lengths to ensure a safe world for his loved ones. Mikasa will show him beauty in this world, but it won't be enough to stop him, because survival of mikasa and the others is more important than anything for him. So, mikasa and armin, but specially mikasa will be presented with a disturbing decision. She might have to choose between eren and death of countless innocent people..

You can decide based on your intrepetation of mikasa and her character arc about what she will choose. She already couldn't live with eren killing innocent civilians and kids in liberio and tried to convince herself that eren was being controlled.. so, now would she let him kill so many civilians and innocent children?

These are my two cents on it. Please feel free to disagree with me and share your thoughts. I am mostly worried about the psychological repurcussions of killing eren for mikasa. I want to believe otherwise, but eren appears very menacing and determined in his goal.

Thank you for reading.

(P.S.) Now that the end is near, it is time to face this harsh possibility. Reminder: Isayama said he wants to hurt the readers.

[notsosweetcherry]

WHERE DO I GO

Have you ever felt tired without doing anything?

Too swamped, too tired, too angry, too exhausted.

Sometimes I could really never understand how my mind works.

There's a lot of inner energy I wanted to let go but I don't know where, when or how?

Sometimes, I want to think that this is not my reality or I never think like this. I want to express myself so bad but no one could understand how my mind flows neither do I.

Recently, I listened to spotify of TED talk. It was about Alzheimer's disease, how could one easily forget something or someone even though it has a big impact in his life. In order to prevent this disease, mind exercise is a must, when we constantly learn new things that is when we are feeding our mind. If we are not up to the challen of new learning, then our mind will register only 1 constant memory eventhough we are thinking it regularly. For example, if you want to always remember your child someday in your old age, you have to constantly feed your mind with memories of your child, what is her hobby, favorite snack, favorite movie, favorite teacher, so on and so forth. Mind is like an external drive where you can save data for backing up.

Im so afraid that I will get this disease in my early age because there are cases like these but I cannot train my mind properly. I think of this, this, that, those that I couldn't breathe and gasping for air.

I want to share my inner thoughts to someone who could fully understand me and its driving me crazy. I tried to do this many times but my mind is in constant battle with me. I don't want to think they are shallow or sometimes I ask myself a ot or is it me?

I have a lot going around inside my head. And it starting to kill me slowly. Have I tell someone? Ofcourse I did. But I couldn't find a response that suffice me. So I end up here instead. Typing and still thinking.

I have been binged watching this series undercover boss and it got me to thinking should I start a masteral degree in bussiness management? how can someone be a billionaire or millionaire and I could not? What could be the reason when all of us has access to knowledge given this new era. It was so inspring but I felt tired digging the answer in my mind about what is the problem? Why is that? Why I was born in a 3rd world country? etc..

I am easily dissapointed nowadays and I could not think why I am being so entitled of this feeling. Yesterday, I felt like I could never go wrong and I am too strong but today I feel like a trash in a bin.

I thought I am already good in expressing myself but clearly i'm not. So fake, so annoying, so stupid, so disgusting! When I do think of self-love, felt like I was faking it too.

There's a famous saying that money can't by happiness but i beg to disagree. I get all of that, you cannot buy friends, relationships, great family or even having faith to God. Yeah, im certain I couldn't but as of this moment, if money is not an issue then I could easily quit my job, buy a plane ticket and fly somewhere. How i wish I could just roam around the world not worrying a single thing, dance in the rain, swim in oceans, meet different people, eat icecream along the road, have wine on my cabin's balcony, sip a hot coffee every morning, visit a cute flower garden, try different public transpo, take cute selfies, eat a lot without getting damn fat. I miss being mesmerized when i set my foot on a different place. it's so liberating for me and I could not explain it in words how does it made me feel everytime. So this qoute wil always be my favorite one, "If travelling is free, you will never see me again."

I'm planning to have a solo trip before another World war but where should I go?

[ivyjjk-blog]

Jikook Osaka Analysis

So a while back, someone messaged me, asking me to analyse the osaka vlive, at first I wasn't sure whether I wanted to or not since I have so much planned but then my taekook post was taking too long so I figured i'd just get this out of the way. Everyone is aware of the infamous Osaka Vlive there has been so much analysis about it which I have read but I have to disagree. I don't think Jimin was in that hotel room with jungkook. Ofcourse u're free to believe what you want but lets be realistic for a second.

So the vlive starts with taehyung in his hotel room and he decides to go to another member's room, at this point many people think he messaged jungkook and he probably did but we all know jungkook has a habit of ignoring any sort of texts or calls, the person who replies to taehyung is actually another member, most likely jin with jungkook's room number. So for the people saying jungkook knew tae was coming yet still asked "who is it", well that theory is debunked. Once tae is outside the room he knocks and calls "jungkookah, now here alot of people say they heard "jimin" but actually that's not the case, jungkook says "who is it" twice and tae replies with "i'm on v app" to which jk makes an exasperated sound like someone would say "tsck" which can easily be confused with "chim". If u don't believe me ask any k-armys who aren't jikook shippers they'll say the same infact in Korea it’s common for us to use such an expression to relay our feelings. Or he could literally be trying to say something but cuts himself off. Wouldn't you be annoyed if u finally unravelled in your personal space after a hectic day and then were expected to talk to thousands of fans in a dishevelled appearance? 

Now the next prominent thing people were asking was why jungkook was listening to such a song, naked without any lights on. First of all the lights weren't close, he had the lamp on and frankly at night you don't need all the lights on, secondly i don't know about u but i tend not to wear many clothes at night when i’m alone on my own, he most likely wasn’t totally naked, probably wearing shorts which is why we don't see his crotch imprint through his gown, majority of people tend not to wear many clothes at night hence why he took long opening the door. Also who doesn't listen to music on their own, he probably had a playlist playing sexy, fun, pop songs etc. No "he wasn't eating bread naked in his room". In my opinion and I could be wrong I believe (since I've done so myself many times) he was alone on his bed, probably shirtless, on his phone whilst listening to music just like anyone else would and having the occasional snack on the trolley in his room which every hotel provides (fun fact on the trolley there was a lot of food but plate and cup for one person) which if u actually try to be unbiased makes perfect sense. About why he still had makeup on, just think about how many times u left ur makeup on? he probably would've washed it off right before going to bed. He himself says to tae he hadn't washed up yet so most likely he was planning to laze about in bed Probably browsing online whilst eating+listening to music and then wash up+sleep. Makes more sense than their grand plan to hide jimin in the toilet.

Now to debunk a few quick "proofs" that white phone is jungkook's he puts it on the table after putting a song on bluetooth, it's well known jungkook has a black and white phone, also in the vlive the next day u can see jimin's phone is longer if u compare the screen sizes. Now for the shoes, the hotel room has it's own pair of small fluffy black sandals that we see by the bed, we also see jungkook's own shoes, now the black pumps near the suitcase are actually tae's pause at 7:07 and u can actually see tae is wearing them. and for the people saying the jacket on the chair in jimins...... i mean come on people it's just a black pile how on earth do u have any way of knowing its jimins? You can’t see any detail on it, u can’t see the size so how can u determine it's jms?

Moving on at 7:59 we apparently hear a door nob turning and shippers thought it was jimin who was supposedly hiding in the bathroom... actually the desk on the left side of the bed actually has a door like drawer and jungkook actually simply opened that making that sound. Also whilst there he presses some sort of master button that turns the light in the bathroom on, I know this because when jungkook is kneeling near the desk at 7:57, there's a click and he makes the "oh" sound in the next instance u can see the ceiling light near the curtain have also turned on and the whole room appears visibly brighter. He by mistake turned all the lights on, just pause at 7:58 u can clearly see all the ceiling lights turned on which weren’t before.

For the next part i have 2 theories First one: so whilst jk is still fiddling around with something on the desk tae lies down on the bed and when jungkook turns around he expects to see tae sititng on the edge on the bed but he's lying down so his immediate reaction is "oh u scared me". no seriously think about it, how many times have u gotten surprised by someone being in a different position than u imagine, he was looking at tae upside down from where he was standing it's very likely that's why he got shocked rather than jimin coming out of the bathroom. lets say it was jimin, why did tae not react? or even look in his direction? why would jungkook react so loudly if he knew jimin was there and was trying to hide him? My second theory is simply that some one-could be manager, another member or even hotel staff came in to maybe ask about something or inquire if they needed anything which startled jungkook since when tae cam in he didn't lock the door. like let's say jimin was hiding in the bathroom, why wouldn’t tae quickly go back making some sort of excuse? Yes u can fantasize saying tae was "teasing" them and what not but do u have any idea how reckless that would be? What if they'd been caught? they couldn't afford any such mistakes at that time and to imply that tae would be so careless or that jungkook wouldn't warn the hyungs before hand is frankly very silly. Futhermore if they were together then when tae comes he could simply say him and jimin were hanging out , who would doubt that? he didn;t need to hide him, he didn't need to say "im not wearing any clothes", it doesn't add up. Also if jm was hiding in the toilet we would definitely hear some sort of sound, their were bounts of quietness many times during the Iive and if there was another living being in the room we WOULD hear SOMETHING. Also “oh u said scared me” frankly sounds like jk, it's more high-pitched than that one time jimin says it, u're entitled to think it's jimin but that's highly unlikely

9:10 apparently alot of ppl saw the door on the right closing but clearly it's just the camera angles since the light refelctions don't change one bit u see it's still half open when tae's going back. About jk singing dear no one at someone near the bed and tae pointing there, honestly just watch the live again, jk looks in many directions, we know him as a shy boy, obviously when singing to thousands of fans in english he's gonna be a bit shy, even when he's talking in interviews he tends to look around and fix his attention on one spot. If there was someone there then we would've seen them when tae is going back, others say he was looking at jm who was hdiding in the toilet rather than near the bed, again that makes no sense. Also tae was pointing and moving his hand throughout the song, he wasn’t “pointing at jimin”.

Whilst they’re singing there's another click? that's actually tae's foot hitting the locks on the suitcase. I know this all sounds too convenient but so does the analysis about jimin being in the room, infact that's more unlikely than this. and tbh I've experienced these things myself so I’m able to think logically about what could cause these sounds and how these reactions can be explained. Also pay attention to the bed at 7:46 only the left side bears signs of messiness, the pillows slightly less fluffy and the cushion a bit downturned and the duvet has ripples in it, im sure if both jm and jk were doing the nasty they would need more than half of the bed. Yes jk  tried to clean it before tae came in but the right side looks immaculate, doesn't bear the signs of being hastily cleaned like the left side.

When tae mentions jm at 13:44 jk gives no reaction at all now think about it if he was hididng jm and was scared about them being found out would he be so nonchalant? No not at all he would at least jerk at the mention and not be so placid. the "are u going to jms now" is so nonchalant its just not realistic for him to act like that if he jm was in the room and tae wouldn't say he’s going there to tease him, if that’s code for something then "jin is taking a bath right now" must be code for something too, jk must be hiding jin in his room wow. Moving on analysing the timeframe of tae leaving the room vs jk closing the door is so silly, tae is going at a snails pace and he’s talking to  jk, he even stops in between at 13:52, also he has to open the door which takes another 2 seconds  so it's no surprise really that he left the room in 15 seconds and jk closed the door in 6 seconds. 

Then tae goes to his own room. yes he said he was gonna go to jms but he either changed his mind(like we all do) or wanted to get something from his room before going there (the possibilities are endless). Outside his room tae makes that face since he forgot his room card/keys inside so now he's locked out and that sound u hear at 14:13 is NOT jimin or jungkook. tae's room is pretty far from jungkook's room there's no way we could hear it, there’s alot of people talking in the hallway also it doesn't even sound like them. We don't even hear his room door opening again so how could they have come out to "scold" tae. The slight door opening sound u hear at 14:11 can be anyone's room there were so many people whispering in the corridor it's not unlikely that it was another guest's room. Then he closes his live to try to find another way to get into his room but before that why on earth would jm and jk come out to confront tae knowing he's still live if they went through all that trouble to hide? it's just not realistic.

The next day apparently jimin was "petty" towards tae and jk had scolded tae too, if u watch tht vlive they both tell u why, I mean sure u can play connect the dots but that won't make it true, correlation is not causation

And for the peope saying jk was annoyed at tae for barging into his room, excuse me but he was tired, it was late, they probably has a long day and he wanted his own space, he was in no way annoyed “at tae”, more at the situation. Also lets not act like he wasn't this annoyed or even more at jimin when he crashed his interview just saying. even if u love some one and are dating them (not saying taekook are) you still need ur personal space and there are times u want to be left alone, and since Jung kook is an introvert that is even more likely.

[pewdipliersepticpie]

Part 1: Literal translation versus nuance

sidenote: I’m from Belgium, I use the Dutch language as an example, but it’s the Dutch we speak in Flanders, Belgium. Not the Dutch they use in the Netherlands. It’s the same language but it has a few different words, different accents, and different nuances (like UK & US English basically)

A lot of people disagreed with me saying the n-word is the same in each language and is just as offensive in each language/culture.

An anon said

The n-word means the same thing EVERYWHERE. There's no double meaning to it

@dakawaiipanda said

just because you say it in another language doesn’t mean shit. how fucking dumb are you?

@the-wings-of-di-angelo said

Literally what the fuck. The n word is shitty in any language like did you get a cramp before you reached this hard.

@rivervixen1 said

The n-word is racist everywhere. Stop reaching

@pixelmagicka said

The N word is universally bad you dumb fuck lmao

And no, sorry but y’all are wrong. Idk how many of you speak more than one language, but those of you who do should know that a lot of things can’t be translated literally. If you Google translate the n word to Dutch, it’ll give you “neger”, but a word is almost never the same as its counterpart in a different language (except for objects).

That’s because both words are much older than all of us and have gone through an evolution from its origin to now, and the evolution of the word, what it means, what vibe it brings, with all its nuance, depends on the society that uses the word.

Say “I love you” for example, in Dutch that would be translated to “Ik hou van u”. But those two phrases do not mean the same thing at all. Here in Belgium, we don’t tell each other that phrase very often at all. We’ll very rarely say it to our s/o on special occasions but people don’t usually say that to their kids/parents.

Ofcourse there are exceptions but the vast majority does not use that sentence because it just doesn’t quite have the same weight, same vibe, same emotion connected to it as “I love you”. (when I wanna tell my friends I love them I use the English “I love you” since there’s no way to say it in Dutch(Flemish) without it sounding corny as fuck) We do however have a saying “Ik zie u graag” which is something the English language doesn’t have. Literally translated it means “I like seeing you” but that translation is completely empty and doesn’t explain the sentiment behind the phrase said.

Now “I love you” and “Ik hou van u” are literally translated counterparts AND they have the exact same definition (dry textbook definition), yet there is still a difference in meaning and sentiment.

The English n word and “neger” are also literally translated counterparts but they actually DON’T have the same definition in the first place.

This definition starts with “noun offensive” and includes the fact that the noun itself is a derogatory / contemptuous term.

The definition of the Dutch word says:

Member of one of the black races that originate from Africa (some experience this as a curseword)

I agree the difference is subtle but there is very much a difference. The word “neger” is not derogatory by definition. It is used in a derogatory way by racists (and therefore experienced by the receiver as such), but the word “gay” is also sometimes used as an insult, and some find it insulting to be called gay. The word itself though, is a descriptive one (for both gay and neger), not an insult in itself. Whereas the English n word IS an insult by definition.

Now I don’t think all of the comments above were talking about me using the Dutch version of the n word, some probably mean f.e. saying a Russian sentence and throwing the English n word in the middle of there: same meaning.

And yes, and no, depends on the context I think. Where I come from, the English n word is most definitely just as offensive and isn’t used by anyone because we all know it’s bad. But I can imagine there are cultures much further removed from the native English culture, who don’t experience the full weight of the word, or don’t quite understand its weight due to being far removed and not knowing the history behind it.

side note: every culture has their own history and not everyone learns about US history cause in a lot of countries US history is just 100% irrelevant and that’s totally fine, the entire population doesn’t need to know all the details about slavery. Pls don’t come at me with “information is free, it’s all on the internet, they can educate themselves” if you yourself don’t know anything about f.e. the history of Kazakhstan.

What I said above (starting under last double line) obviously doesn’t count for Felix cause he’s very much in the know of exactly what weight that word has, but I want to put as much nuance as possible in there because I feel like too many people refuse to even consider the possibility of other cultures and languages having their own evolution when it comes to immigration into their country, and naming those who join them in their homeland.

Some people did comment on me using the Dutch n word, which I will talk about in Part 2.

Part 0 | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

I don't know what it is about Rammstein that makes people lose all critical thinking skills, but for decades now people have been happy to take a look at them and decide that they are "bad news". And, in this, I only reference people's attitude to their performances, let alone the allegations.

It frustrates me because it makes me feel insane! Irony and satire are ignored and better sense abandoned for the sake of sensation! Rammstein are often accused of creating dumb shock just for reaction, but it is not them I see exploiting that technique right now.

The current narrative being sold makes it out as if Rammstien, and Till in particular, are some grand evil, regardless of the actual facts of the matter and despite the fact that the evil figure they've created lacks the mundanity of truth. They are human, not fuckin demons.

Actually examining the facts as we currently have them makes me conclude that this is such a non-story that perhaps these exaggerations are a compensation by the media to try and justify their harsh prejudice. Its all so ridiculous....

Anyway, I hope the investigation is done thoroughly and that the unadulterated truth will come to light. Then, final judgement can finally be passed....

I agree that for those who watch Rammstein closely, there are whole loads of nuances and twists they use that makes 'what it appears to be' different from what it actually turns out to be. The song Links 2 3 4 is for me always a great example, starting with the sound of marching boots, that many (especially in Germany) would associate with the army, and in Germany post WWII (which caused a national trauma that many still find it difficult to come to terms with imo) the leap to the right-wing German Third Reich period is quickly made, when in actual fact the song is about the band being much more 'left wing leaning, if they are political inclined at all. The same with the Deutschland video, which imo wouldn't be out of place on the curriculum of history classes in German schools 🌺

Many people nowadays don't have time or patience for the nuances Rammstein apply, and in fact i would even argue that not all fans get these.

For me (but feel free to disagree) this is also the main difference between Rammstein and the 'Till Lindemann' or 'Lindemann' projects which imo is much more crass and jn your face, without those important little twists that make Rammstein so great (but if you'd state that i just don't *get* the nuances in 'Lindemann', then i probably couldn't argue with that 🌺).

Ofcourse Rammstein are only human, with their quirks, stupidities and mistakes; actually that's what appeals to me, they don't deny their faults or make excuses (even if some fans do so on their behalf) but work through them and come out stronger on the other side.

Like you i hope that the investigation by the Berlin Public prosecutor is done thoroughly and whatever comes out can be dealt with 🌺

[perfectionistincrisis]

🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄

This went straight to my heart!!!!!!! I really dont know whether to agree or disagree to this. One thing ik is that it will be very very hard for me to do either one as i am attracted so much to both of these lives I as a person am really really scared of commitments. I totally dont prefer them at all. I feel like it pulls me down, it limits my boundaries so much. When i say commitment, i mean any type of commitment. Not just a relationship. Infact, when it comes to relationship. Well, i dont start a lot of relations to begin with all because of the commitment. The expectations. But when i am involved in a relation i sure as hell am committed ofcourse. So whenever i think of commitment in life or use this word, it mostly means every single form of commitment. Like joining a club or taking a job or responsibility or offering some sort of help or anything to anyone for which i need to be regular or have a duty towards. Or some commitment like having to stay somewhere for some time or not being able to leave a place or leave a thing because i have a responsibility or have to take care of it or make sure of something. Any commitment!!!!!! So yeah. Most of the times. I want to be so freee. So unattached. I want to be so relieved in life. That if i ever get a phone call that i have to be on the other side of the world asap and i have to get on the plane in 30 minutes. I dont want to panick. I want to be able to get a bag. I want to know exactly what i might need to take. And i want those things to be really few. I donot want to have a hard time deciding. I do not want to feel bad leaving something behind. I do not eant to have something that will keep me worried once i go. I want to be able to catch that plane in time. And when i get to the other end, i want to be able to breath peacefully. Not feeling burdened. Not worried. Not scared. Not sad.

I really have ZERO idea how any other person will digest all that i have just written ^ But man! To me. All that seems impossible. Thats like a dream which idk can ever come true. Infact, i dont even know if i really really want it. And i dont even spend much time now coming to a conclusion of whether i actually want it or how much do i want it. That is cause somewhete at the back of my head i believe this can never happen. I mean i can actually “feel” the pain of going through the opposite of all that i mentioned above and i can actually imagine the relief, the goodness, the joy of all that ever being possible.

Long story short. Its more like i have fantasized about the idea of being able to do that so much and so many times!!!! But then immediately i feel uncomfortable thinking about how i still want a “home”. A place in this huge wide world. A small cozy place anywhere on the surface of this planet which will always be the same. Which will always be open ti me. Nowhere where i go. I can always come back there. Some place that will always come to my head when i go to bed at night. Maybe that is what you call ‘home’ and i want that too. Then again, the concept of 'home’ does not end there. Sometimes it is not the place. But the person that makes your home. Infact, having a 'house’ like a brick house but being on your own in it isnt really home but at the same time. Having a person. Your person. With you, right by your side but not having a brick house - well that does not feel totally 'home’ to me either. What im trying to say is. Idk about the rest of the world. But for me A perfect definition of home includes BOTH. the humans who mean the world to you enclosed in a brick walled house where your heart belongs. It cant just be either one.

So yeah. Maybe i want to live both the lives. Maybe you you can!!!! Maybe you can move across the world and feel as free as a bird. You can fly around, but at the end of the day, I think you can be blessed enough to fly back to a place where your heart belongs right next to someone who is your world ❤ I have been fantasizing about this for months and months now and then today I suddenly read this post and this just hit me right in my heart!