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mscherub · 4 months ago

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Witchy Ways 🕸️

The long awaited part 3?

Reader is gender neutral, referred to as Prefect, Y/N,

Henchhuman(by Grim)

Warnings!:

Swearing

Half proof read

Part 3: “Impending Warnings.”

Previous part here <3

Next part here <3

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Part 3: Impending Warnings

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After having a reasonable and very justifiable crash out session before getting into bed, caused by all that happened within one days time, all because you were just trying to be nice to your friends and help them out and now it’s started up this whole ordeal you don’t even know if you can reverse because the loquacious guys won’t leave you the hell alone and it’s really just eating away at you because they won’t stop asking for the stupid little fucking jar that’s filled with answers to all their problems and hopes and dreams apparently— ok, ok, calm down. You’re fine. Everything is fine. TOTALLY FINE, YESSSS!! As if you weren’t already stressed enough!

You sigh and you roll over on your side, dreading the day ahead as you look at the clock.

2:27 AM

Yesterday was…Monday, and you had to do this for four more days, well, most likely more if the idea stayed around long enough? Interacting with people all because they heard the little birdies(first years) chirp about how they passed the exams and the others didn’t because of the little object. If you could do a freezer spell to stop all this chit chat about you and what you did, you would, it’s sadly, and annoyingly, getting to that point. The game plan is to just ignore it until the thought of it around the school desiccates into just a little something that, hopefully, will be considered a coincidence by most. After all, if the others knew about what you did, about this otherworldly concept of magic, how the hell would they begin to perceive you then?

You didn’t exactly want to out yourself, you were used to keeping it a secret, hidden away from others in fear of, say, ridiculing from some religious groups, hence why not everyone freely admits they do whitchcraft back home. Plus, you were already viewed as awkward and weird anyways for your title of “Magicless Prefect,” and of course, being the “non-magic” user, at least to their standards, in a school specifically for mages is just a completely ironic situation on its own. Anyways, you didn’t need a new label… “Half Magic Prefect that Practices in Weird Magic and is Still not at our Level, Thereofre Still Weird and Not truly a Magic User so is Still Magicless.” You could see it happening…or it could take an opposite turn and they can end up exalting your alien abilities and deem you more powerful, which would be interesting to see happen, but you don’t want to think about that or deal with it. It just sounds like more stress, and you definitely don’t want that. Only fate can really tell at this point.

One thing you do know is that your intentions here are awkwardly much stronger and quicker to act. It’s different, and in all honestly, just slightly concerning. More than just slightly, actually. What, your magic acting effectively and efficiently being concerning? Yes. Yes, 100 times, and that’s for some obvious reasons. What if you mess up a spell and then it happens to backfire on you and now you’re stuck with negative effects of whatever you were trying to do! Now you had to be cautious, extremely cautious, like walking on eggshells around your own practice type of cautious, which keep in mind, you shouldn’t be doing! it’s frightening to think about, and just how much would you have to up your game here?

Grim lays on his back, his belly up as he continues to snooze away, not greatly affected by the increase of attention and popularity, in fact he was eating it up! In his mind people were seeing you and him as powerful now, and damn does that feed his ego. How lucky he is to just…worry about nothing. And that’s exactly what he’s doing, and thankfully so. At least he’s not trying to look too much into what you’re doing.

You roll on to your back again and stare up at the ceiling, your arms crossed as you chew on the inside of your cheek thoughtfully. Bringing back the subject of good luck, you definitely needed some. What was the symbol for that? Horseshoes…

Huh

With the question answered and no other subject for your brain to overthink on at the moment, your mind can finally shut off for the night.

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Morning rolls around sooner than what you had wanted, the sun not even up to greet you as you sit up, rubbing your eyes and rolling your shoulders to alleviate the stiffness you gained over the night of tossing and turning.

You do your usual routine again, having to pry Grim off of the sheets this time, him mumbling obscenities as he’s still in a half dazed and asleep state. Great, now there’s claw marks on your sheets, thanks, Grim!

Breakfast is an easy feat and soon enough you’re out the door, walking along the path again up to the school.

“Henchhuman…” Grim looks over at you, his eyes narrowed in on you as you two walk up.

“Huh?” You spare him a quick glance before your eyes go back to looking at the patterns of the tiles along the path.

“Im glad you didn’t sell off whatever you did to Azul, now we can keep that for ourselves.” He sneers happily at the air, imagining it was Azul their himself.

“I’m glad you think that…” you nod.

“Since I’m like…family, you should let me in on the secret on whatever are in those little jar thingys.” He adds on, putting emphasis on the family part to sway your favor.

You didn’t exactly see why you shouldn’t give it to him, it wasn’t that big of a deal, again, however, the thought and fear of people finding out about what you do still gnawed away at the back of your mind. Right, it’s not that big of deal, who cares if they find out! No…actually, you don’t want them to. What if they try and abuse these powers out of you. It’s better just to ignore it at this point and maybe double down on how often you practice…that seems the better option. Too many negative things can come out of the positive thing you posses. It’s not worth the risk!

“Henchhuman!” Grim snaps as he continues to eye you.

“Sorry, got lost in thought. I guess I could, I’ll write it down when we get to class and you can try and make one yourself…don’t use all of our money to buy ingredients, Grim.”

“You spoil fun…” he mutters as he pouts and looks up ahead, his ears flattening and his tail lazily swishing behind him.

“I’m just trying to be the reasonable one, here. If your intention is to create and sell them, then we might as well have handed over the whole thing to Azul. And, making them to sell isn’t the purpose, at that point your just being greedy”

“I—“

“Exactly, Grim. Now, we should have what you need, anyways. Now don’t talk about it anymore, it’s starting to get too repetitive.” You sigh and adjust the books in your arms.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So, the thought didn’t leave you the rest of the day, the thought of spells gone wrong and their heightened effects, thoughts of what could happen to you if this little secret you were withholding got out. Yea…you’re not in a great mindset, and the idea of anything wrong or going wrong won’t ease up.

You drop Grim off at Heartslabyul, leaving him with Ace and telling him some half-assed reason about needing to go do this and then go do that and some other things and that Grim just couldn’t come, which had some truth behind it, but most of it was a conjured up lie on the spot to get rid of him for a bit.

You walk around campus, deep in thought as your shoes click against the ground.

Protection spells needed to be doubled, but wait! Didn’t you just say you’d stop practicing as much so people wouldn’t suspect anything and to draw less of a gaze from everyone. Shit, you did, ok…well you can’t just not practice, cause what if negative energy fills up again and really fucks things over? Ok, you have to practice then, protection spells, warding items, you needed it— but you can’t draw attention! This is proving to be more difficult than you had ever even intended. Protection, luck, you just needed it all at this moment.

You shouldn’t be scared anyways, but you didn’t quite know social standards here besides just inside of NRC. Luckily the guys here liked you to a certain extent so you were accepted in enough ways. Say they find out and it does happen to be socially acceptable here, then you have nothing to worry about. But what if your version of magic isn’t socially acceptable, and it’s maybe even against the law? What if they like…execute you or something for it? Great, get your mind off of the Salem Witch Trial thought here. That wouldn’t happen. Magic, in any type of way, shouldn’t be illegal since they’re quite literally practicing their own versions freely at a damn school.

But what if— drop the idea now, it’s not worth it to overthink it. It’s just not! You’ll be fine, everyone will be fine…you just needed some luck here, and look where you ended up.

The stables on campus.

You walk over to one of the fenced off areas, some horses grazing within the grassy fields, their soft neighs and trills moving across the small plain. One comes over to the edge and looks at you, tilting its head curiously as you gaze right back. You walk over to the edge of the fence and you lean against it.

“You animals have it easy sometimes…I wonder what you guys even think of.” You sigh as you put your hand out to the horse. Its coat was in perfect condition and its tail flicked behind it with interest.

It took a big sniff of your hand before it let out a small grunt and pushed its muzzle against your hand, giving you the go ahead to pet away. You do just that and sigh again.

“And you don’t have to pay any taxes…I think that’s a win on its own—“

“HUAMN!” Someone screeches from behind you, causing the horse to get spooked and bolt away. You turn around to the culprit, already suspecting who it was since only one person you were close with refereed to you with that choice of name.

“Do not touch those animals! That one especially, its attitude is not one of kindness, that’s why he is separated into the outer pens.” Sebek states sternly.

“It didn’t seem mean—“

“It is indeed!” His eyes widen and he shakes his head.

“I think you only say that, Sebek, is because the horses don’t like you that much.” Silver also approaches you two, a small smile on his face which is directed to you only. Sebek crosses his arms and lets out an annoyed puff of air before he narrows back in on you.

“Why are you here? Last time I recalled you’re not apart of this club. You should go before Riddle—“

“He wouldn’t kick me out.”

“You say that with too much confidence, Human…”

“Me and him are chill.” You nod.

“You…’chill?’ Odd words to use. Be formal when addressing someone in a higher class than you.” He gripes.

“We’re on good terms…” you correct yourself

“What are you here for, Prefect?” Silver chimes in, taking over the situation.

“I…I have an odd request, I suppose. I mean, it may seem odd.” You shrug.

“Nothing is too odd.” Silver gently reassures, moving his hair out of his face, nodding as to encourage you to speak.

“I need a horseshoe.”

…

“Come again?” He questions.

“A horseshoe.” You say again, prolonging the vowels and looking at him like he was the one to say something wrong.

“Why?”

“Um…You know…erm…aesthetic reasons.”

“Human, you are quite weird.” Sebek interjects, the words sounding judging enough—

“But I suppose we shall not pry into your decorative matters…we may have some old ones.” He sighs

“Oh! No, that’s perfect, actually! Thanks Sebby!” You beam overjoyed…maybe a little too much. He grimaces at the nickname and looks about ready to correct you yet again, but he refrains just this once. You got…lucky.

They go quiet at your excitement for the object and they look back at each other, conveying some sort of silent message between the two before Sebek nods and motions for you to follow him over to the barn.

The barn is well kept but it does have that natural barn smell of wood and of the animal inhabitants. Dried hay is scattered around on the ground and it crunches beneath both of your feet as you walk to, presumably, the tack room of the stable, which holds all of the materials they could need for proper animal care.

“We tend to change out our horses horseshoes every five or six weeks. We just changed some out this past week so we should have a few extra…though I can’t guarantee they’d be in the condition you’re hoping for.”

“That’s fine…it doesn’t matter to me. I just want one, no matter the, uh…appearance. The older the look the better, you know? Adds character?” You awkwardly carry on the conversation.

“I…see. Anyhow, here,” Sebek peers into a rack on the wall and pulls out the item you’ve been looking for. “This one should do…if it meets your standards.”

It’s not exactly pretty, but you are getting it for free, so there’s no real reason to complain. “It’s perfect. Thank you, again…really. Helps me out some”

He crosses his arms and nods. “Off now, Human.”

“Yea, yea, later Sebek. Thanks.” You give a small wave before you walk out and back along the path.

You scored what you wanted to get, so it worked out. All you had to do was red it up a bit, maybe clean it then polish it if you could find any stuff to do that, then it’ll look basically brand new. Voilà!And the most important thing, it should bring some luck in when you hang it above your door with the ends facing up. It’s a small detail, barely noticeable, and could only be deciphered if you really focused your eyes above the door.

Now, just time to get Grim—

Your phone buzzes in your pocket, you slip it out and see Aces profile picture and his caller ID. With a small click of the green button you put the phone up to your ear.

“PREFECT!”

You wince and pull the phone away from your ear for a second to allow him to throw his little temper tantrum before you push it back against you

“Dude…”

“Prefect! Come get Grim, he’s threatening to eat all the tarts that Trey’s making…say maybe I pissed Grim off and that’s why he’s doing that, BUT LISTEN, come get him! He’s gonna push the blame on me! Don’t you like me? Don’t let me suffer….” You could basically hear him pouting on the other side of the phone.

“I’m on my way…tell him he won’t get tuna if he does anything…”

“Awweee, you do care—“

“I only care enough for Grim’s sake.” You cut him off.

“You’re rude, really rude…anyways, Riddle wants to know if you wanna pop by for the unbirthday party.”

You consider and weigh the options in your head. For one, free food to satiate you and most importantly, Grim, and two, a much needed distraction, so the idea sounded plausible.

“I don’t see why not, I shouldn’t have much to do…”

“Niceeee, you help make Riddle a little less irritable so yea, saving me and Deuce here. K, later, and come get Grim.”

With that, he hangs up the phone.

Ok, then…it was a bit redundant to be told to get Grim then basically come back just a few minutes later, but whatever.

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“Hahaaaa! Tarts, tarts, tarts!” Grim chirps almost too enthusiastically. He dashes over to the table and pulls the plate up from his assigned seat, but he’s quickly stopped by Deuce who reminds him of tea party etiquette, which he manages to forget with each unbirthday party you two attend. He’s very disappointed to find out that there’s quite literally an order to everything. He’ll get over it.

You go take your seat next to Riddle, quietly watching as he goes about checking everything over one last time before he nod and welcomes everyone. He takes the tea pot and pours you a cup of tea first, then Grim’s, and then the rest around the table. The tea steamed and you added in whatever you wanted to your cup and stirred quietly, noticing it was loose leaf tea.

The unbirthday party began, and of course it wasn’t a true experience without the scolding of some other students who decided not to follow the rules, but it was all in good fun. You slowly drank your tea down, sipping quietly and enjoying the arrangements of food all meticulously prepared by Trey, and Grim did exactly the same with his usual fervor.

Your tea cup became empty, and you kindly refused another cup. Barely any eyes were on you so maybe you could pull off a tea reading, but was it really worth the risk?

It wouldn’t be such a bad idea to do one, it’d be useful and provide some insight on some things…fuck it, you’ll do it anyways. Let’s just hope it’s not against a rule or something…

Everyone chats away and you pick up your cup, swirling the small bit of tea and the leaves around before you place it back down and grab the saucer, placing it over the cup. What do you really want to know? Well, obviously what’s to happen in the near future…especially with the discovery of your high tented abilities…good or bad things, that mainly what you wanted, no, needed to know.

By now Riddle was side eyeing you and watching your every move, silently judging. This wasn’t proper…

“Prefect.”

Shit.

“Riddle…” you smile bashfully, pausing in your movements.

“What are you doing?”

“Erm…something?” This is just amazing. You should have stuck with what you set earlier, not drawing attention. You can maybe twist the situation around, no? No, you can.

“I’m just doing something everyone does back in my world after drinking their tea, yeah…called tea reading! It’s really cool…if you’d want to try. You know, I’ve just been missing home and stuff so I decided I’d try to do it a little…but I get it if I can’t, I understand completely.” And perfect, guilt tripping at its finest there….

“No…that’s fine. It sounds peculiar, but I don’t have any disagreements to it, so long as you don’t damage the ceramics…” he sighs.

Ok! This is good…

“Ok…so, first you have to make sure you have a little bit of liquid in your cup, then you swirl it around a bit, place the saucer overtop the cup and then flip your cup over,” Riddle follows along simply out of curiosity, watching your every move to make sure he doesn’t mess up anything. “After that spin the cup clockwise three times…I mean, or counter clockwise, it doesn’t particularly matter, I do clockwise, then make sure the handle faces you again…”

You pivot the cup one last time to the handle is angled towards you, then you give three taps on the top of the cup.

“Tap three times, then lift the cup up. What do you see in yours?”

He peers into the cup and inspects it.

“I see…tea leaves. I don’t understand, what’s the purpose of this.” He huffs.

“You have to…ok, think of it this way, you have to see what images are made with the tea leaves, for instance, mine—“

You look into your cup and see various little symbols, the few standing out the most being a wheel, knots, a cat, and an umbrella.

The wheel for inevitable change and progress, the knot for stress and anxiety…fucking fantastic, the cat for gossip, great because that’s exactly what you need, and, the more concerning one of the symbols, an umbrella, signifying difficulty. It’s a good thing you got the damn horseshoe earlier…with this info, your future could be something else you aren’t prepared for based on this reading.

“Well?” Riddles voice pulls you from your thoughts and you give him a small nod.

“Sorry…yea, so, you see this?” You move your cup and saucer in his direction. “The symbols closest to the handle should signify the things sooner to happen—“

“Most of your…’symbols,’ are near the handle.” He notes.

“Yea, this one here kinda looks like a cat, and this one a wheel…this one here looks like a knot and then that one looks like an umbrella.”

“I can vaguely see it. Do they all mean something?” He questions as he gazes even more at the leaves.

“Yea. They all have their own, but let’s look at yours…what shapes can you make out?”

He tilts his cup towards you and points at the symbols, you can make out some to look like stars and a few squares.

“Don’t overthink it…what do you see?”

“Those look like squares, what’s the meaning? Assuming you know…” he hums, interested in the whole thing now.

“They can mean comfort and peace…have you been feeling that more often?”

“In a way, I suppose…it has been a little less stressful around here for once. I see…this is quite interesting, Prefect, I like the idea…how does this work?”

“That’s a question for another time—“

“It has to work a certain way, correct?” He questions again. “It almost seems like something to be done with magic…”

“Yea, no…it’s just, uh, you know, I guess it’s just like, the tea leaves…resonate?” Good one…

“I…guess.” He nods along. “It’s still quite interesting. Thank you for showing me a ritual from your world.” He smiles softly.

“Of course…”

The Unbirthday party carries on, celebrating, then like all things, eventually coming to an end. You and Grim leave, Trey kindly giving you leftovers which will and can not be rationed around Grim, but you take them anyways.

That tea reading is gonna bug you even more…so much for the unbirthday party being a distraction like you had hoped…

Hey…how yall doing…I JUST WANNA APOLOGIZE FOR HOW RUSHED THIS WAS, but I did it! Also, I’m doing a tag list on this now so if u want me to tag u on the next part just comment <3

THANKS FOR READING AND I LOVE U GUYS TYYYY KISSES TO ALL OF U 💋😘

Master List

Please don’t steal or copy any of my work! You may, however, reblog if you’d want to!

Pictures belong to Disney Twisted Wonderland but are edited by me :)

Tag List <3:

@w0nd3rhoy

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dcdreamblog · 3 months ago

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So there’s that new cartoon inspired by the Creature Commandos. Accuracies to the original aside, it inspired me to look their real counterparts. The team was interesting enough, but I am confused. Their entry in the encyclopedia I read cited they were empowered as a part of “Project M.” But also in the book it noted that a more traditional cape called Miss America was empowered by that project. What exactly was Project M, and why was Miss America a superhero, while the Commandos were sent to fight in WWII? Was it as simple as she looked less inhuman? My apologies for my ignorance, but I am curious about the nature of this WWII initiative, assuming I haven’t read a fictional account.

Project M was a head scratcher for a long time because we didn't have a lot of information on it that wasn't either fully classified or so redacted to the point of uselessness. In the modern day though a LOT of things have been dragged out of the shadows due to a FLURRY of freedom of information requests coming hot on the heels of the Create Commandos show that have fully framed events for us in a way we've never had before.

Hell some of the information WAS out in the open but took time, interest and ability to sort through decades old undigitized records to find.

And it allll started to unravel due to a miscalculation made about Manhattan born reporter Joan Dale.

(An image of Dale, as Ms America from an illustrated war bond booklet)

During a seemingly normal night Dale received a vision from the Statue of Liberty granting her superhuman abilities to fight crime and battle evil. At least that's what she remembered when she woke up. Indeed she awoke with inexplicable powers to alter matter on a molecular level, changing materials and even the shapes of objects but only at a limited size and time.

In reality she had been abducted as a trial run for the mysterious Project M. Established by a group within the Defense Department who saw US involvement in WWII as inevitable by early 1941 (fair enough) they created a secret research group to develop advanced means of psychological warfare (ok...) via the mutation of human subjects into monstrous figures that could be turned against the German war machine (THERE it goes, right off the rails)

Dale had been abducted seemingly at random in order to undergo their hypothetical treatment but because her outward appearance didn't change she was doped up with enough psychedelics to make certain she didn't remember any details and then left where she had been found. The experiments of Project M continued on afterwards and eventually created both the Creature Commandos and the robotic soldier known as GI Robot.

Dale, meanwhile would make her debut as Ms America, joining up with the All Star Squadron and the original Freedom Fighters a group that tried to prevent the Pearl Harbor attacks in December of 1941. While she was for a time assumed dead in the doomed assault she was in fact 'reclaimed' by Project M having discovered their original experiment had been a success beyond their wildest dreams trying to find the secret to Dale's alchemical powers.

Several months later she would return to lucidity when Robotman and the Young All Stars discovered her in Project M custody and she awoke to help turn the tide in a battle with the Ultra-Humanite. Needless to say her secretive captivity was...NOT appreciated by her teammates and friends, their chilled and threatening reaction to Project M's GROSS overreach of authority is cited as part of the reason the Creature Commandos were hidden from the Squadron (you know, because the Squadron would have called the army on said gross overreach of authority and ethical violations).

She survived the war, married, adopted a daughter who would eventually become the superheroine Fury and in the modern day has returned to semi-active duty as a member of the Freedom Fighters. I'm given to believe that some kind of cosmic shenanigan has kept her relatively youthful.

Project M, like Checkmate, like Task Force X, like any other organization of its kind you care to name was what they all are a scrambling claw by the traditional authorities attempting to weaponize metahumanity at large through traditional power structures. Like with any other organization of their kind they almost instantly fell into deep moral negligence and regular people paid the price for it. The fact that Dale was not among them is only due to the incompetence of that organization AND the quick thinking, fortune and loyal fortitude of her friends and comrades.

#dc #dcu #dc comics #dc universe #superhero #comics #tw unreality #unreality #unreality blog #ask game #ask blog #asks open #please interact #worldbuilding #creature commandos

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dingodad · 10 months ago

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Ok, so this has driven me crazy for the longest time. What the fuck happened to post retcon Japsersprite? The one we know is from pre retcon, since he was on John’s planet when he brought it into the void. Nothing was ever mentioned to happen to post retcon Jaspers, so where is he. I can’t believe Hussie forgot about him, he didn’t forget about the two Nannasprites. Did post retcon Jaspersprite just not exist? Maybe he died on LOWAS when Typheus blew it up, but there is no mention of that at all. I guess only Jade or the Nanna’s would know then, but nothing is ever said about it. Also is there a way to know if the Arquius that becomes lord English is the pre or post retcon version?

i'm gunna play good cop bad cop here cus there's an answer you don't want to hear and then there's a sort of interesting consolation prize answer at the end.

the answer you don't want to hear: it doesn't matter! :P i don't think this really needs explaining but the whole point of davepeta/jasprose's ultimate self spiels is that tying yourself in knots trying to figure out who's "pre-retcon" and who's "post-retcon" is, as they say, for the birds. john is john is john. hussie didn't "forget" that there are supposed to be two jaspersprites: while a story can occasionally get away with having two Daves or two Roses because Dave and Rose have interesting things to say to themselves, the fact that homestuck has even ONE character called jaspersprite simply strains the reader's ability to give a shit. there is the room nor the need for TWO jaspersprites, of all the damnedest things.

(there can be two nannasprites because two nannasprites are funny - but if there's one thing worse than creating the same CHARACTER twice, it's telling the same JOKE twice.)

the other answer is about sprites in particular. do you know why video game graphics used to be called "sprites"? i only thought to look this up just recently: it's because, like the fairies or spirits of folklore from which they get their name, they float above the background of the game world without interacting with it directly. this should form the basis for our understanding of homestuck's kernelsprite, as well, which borrows both from folklore and from computer programming. they are of course ghosts on a literal level, with spritely undead tails and the ability to pass through walls and physical barriers like they weren't there - but the way they interact with the story itself is similarly ethereal-and-or-ephemeral.

sprites appear at the whim of the heroes to serve a very particular purpose - which, you will notice, is exactly what davepeta says they're doing when they show up in hell - but then the moment that purpose is complete they might as well stop existing. dave- and jadesprite show up inexplicably on the battlefield as the reckoning begins: are they killing themselves now that their purposes are complete? where are all the lususprites, anyway; did they do the same thing? erisolsprite initially seems to indicate that he's going to fuck off and possibly explode like all the other sprites who hate themselves, but then just shows up again 200 pages later later at the convenience of the trickster arc. the same is true of all the sprites presumed-dead following the events of GAME OVER, who show up as-needed in the new timeline to form the next generation of redundant ghost freaks. this is simply how sprites operate. whether they're "alive" or "dead" at any given moment is the wrong way of looking at it - they're ghosts for goodness' sake!!

the fact that the story never tells us what happened to "that other jaspersprite" is supposed to make us think less about it, not more, because knowing where one of them is - the "ultimate" one, in fact - should be enough to put our minds at ease. but it also deliberately leaves the door open for another jaspersprite to show up if the story ever somehow, against all odds, finds a place to squeeze one in. which is again exactly what the plot point is currently doing with sprites like erisol, who for all intents and purposes was dead up until the moment page 666 started

#homestuck

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fluffyglass · 4 months ago

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GIVE US THE IN DEPTH EXPLANATION FLUFFYGLASS

Ok ok ok. Here is the Frankie Fluffyglass Bugsnax Tarot guide (Major Arcana) and my reasons/explanations for every placement. Absolutely all of this is up for interpretation, both of the characters and the divine meanings of each of the cards (this is going to be LONG)

Filbo - The Fool

This was my first placement. In fact, this thought appearing in my mind is actually what got me thinking about assigning each trump card to a character! The Fool is a card that represents freedom and a will to try new things, but it also represents. Y'know. Being a little stupid. Filbo is naive and hopeful, fully willing to make a leap of faith for others, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing! The Fool being the first card of the Major Arcana also fits with Filbo, seeing as he's the first character the player meets on Snaktooth Island.

Floofty - The Magician

An incredibly ironic pick, I know. The Magician represents knowledge and confidence, knowing ones own abilities. Floofty is incredibly sure of themself, for better or for worse. They take charge of their own destiny and forge new discoveries. Also, I just know they would absolutely hate being associated with divination and especially with the Magician of all cards, and I think that's funny.

Shelda - The High Priestess

Not as obvious a pick as you'd think. I was actually between the Hierophant and the High Priestess for Shelda, and only went with the High Priestess because I felt Clumby aligned more with the Hierophant. The High Priestess is similar to the magician, representing knowledge and power, but is less active in that power. Shelda allows others to come to her to share what she knows, rather than going out of her way to show off her discoveries. She was right about everything (but not because she had magic powers) but she's like. Chill about it.

Triffany - The Empress

The Empress (and it's companion, the Emperor) are both cards with a sense of authority. The Empress is the calmer of the two, representing tranquility. It goes with the flow rather than giving directions. Triffany was given the Empress partly because I wanted her to match with Wambus (who fits the Emperor more than Triffany fits the Empress), but also because it's chill vibes align with Triffany. I mean, her whole thing in the Bigsnax DLC is her learning to take charge.

Wambus - The Emperor

Okay let me cook on this one. The Emperor is the other side of the Empress's coin, masculine while the other is feminine. It's a card that has power but is a lot more in-your-face about it than the Empress. Yet at the same time, it's a card that holds back. It's like, the stern father figure of the Major Arcana, and who fits that better than Wambus?

Clumby - The Hierophant

I will fully admit that this was a "leftovers" pick. Shelda really fit both the High Priestess and the Hierophant, while Clumby... kind of just fell into the Hierophant over any of the other remaining cards. It isn't completely disassociated from her, though. The Hierophant has a commanding presence; it's a card that speaks to others, communicates. And I mean, Clumby's a newspaper editor, soooo

Cactriffy - The Lovers

This is where any sense of seriousness goes straight out the window. LET ME COOK. Cactus Triffany's entire existence revolves around love. She was created because Wambus loves his wife, and now his fucked up cactus thing is in love with him back. Cactriffy is almost a representation of Wambus and Triffany's relationship in a way, so I think the Lovers suits it well.

Sprout - The Chariot

This was mainly based on gameplay. I mean, you put sauce on the ball, then the Kweebles follow the ball. I don't have much else to say on it.

Snorpy - The Hermit

Honestly, an early surface level pick. The Hermit title alone applies to Snorpy, and no other card would suit him better. Themes of isolation and reclusion at least definitely play into both Snorpy and the Hermit's character.

The Megamaki - Wheel of Fortune

LET. ME. COOK.

Once again, an admittance that this was a leftover. Wheel of Fortune is a really weird amorphous card, and assigning a character to it felt next to impossible. I decided to choose a legendary Bugsnak specifically because really, only Bugsnax were left to pick from. Why Megamaki out of all the legendaries? It draws up imagery of the Ouroboros, a creature looping in endless circles. The Wheel of Fortune is a fucking wild card (hah) so it took some thought to figure out what to do with it.

Beffica - Justice

Finally, a card I actually put thought into! No leftovers or superficiality here! Justice is a card that represents - well, justice, but also truth. Beffica is a character who will go to any length to find the truth and bring justice upon those she sees as wrong. She's insanely immoral so one might think that Justice doesn't fit her, but she's like. A vigilante. That's right, you heard it here. Beffica is Drama Batman.

Chandlo - Strength

You do not know how much this placement pisses me off. Because it does have thought behind it! Strength doesn't just represent physical strength, it represents willpower and the mental strength behind it but NOOOOO Chandlo has to go and be the big buff guy so giving him Strength seems basic. Well, I DID put thought into this one. Once again proof that Snorpy's Boyfriend sucks /j.

Alegander - The Hanged Man

The Hanged Man is a really, really, really weird card. Fits for a really weird guy! The Hanged Man represents a feeling of entrapment, yet also clarity through isolation. Sound familiar? The imagery of hanging also brings up the idea of execution, and considering Triangle Jail was a punishment... I think I cooked with this one.

Eggabell - Death

Non-Tarot people must be incredibly confused by this one. And I don't blame them! Death is an often misconstrued card, similar to a certain doctor we all know. It represents change, transformation, not just the coming of death. Eggabell encapsulates change more than any other character, with not only her changing to become stronger and save Liz, but her constant physical changes through Floofty's experimentation. Death and Eggabell go hand in hand.

Bronica Lottablog - Temperance

We never meet Bronica and barely know anything about her. And I suppose that also falls into this card. Temperance is calm, virtuous, stable. The memory of someone never changes, as does history. The angelic imagery was also a reason I picked Temperance for Bronica. Because she. She's 💀

Snaktooth Island - The Devil

I never actually noticed that the female imp has a raspberry tail that was completely coincidental. Anyways, you've played the game, you know why this is here. Beyond just being like, an evil presence, the Devil represents stagnation, entrapment. Bugsnax make you rely on them, they tempt you, they kill you from the inside. I'm not religious, but that seems to fit the Devil mold.

Snaxsquatch - The Tower

The Tower is similar to the Wheel of Fortune for me. It's weird and impersonal. So, giving it the Snaxsquatch rather than Snaktooth Island as a whole feels weird, but let me cook. The Tower represents chaos. Disaster. Fear. And the Snaxburg isn't Safe event certainly makes us think these things about the Snaxsquatch! Unlike the Devil, the Tower isn't purely negative, so I gave the island to the Devil, and thus the Snaxsquatch is here.

Cromdo - The Star

For such a contentious character, giving him such like. A chill and nice card feels a bit off, but I'll stand by this one. The Star feels connected to Cromdo through what it would mean for him. It's like... his future? His ideal future? If he was a star, he would have peace. He would have excess, as represented by the pitcher pouring wasted water onto the grass. I'm looking to the virtues of each character here and for Cromdo there isn't much to work with dawg 😭😭

Gramble - The Moon

The Moon is a card with a potent anxiety about it, between the dogs howling and the lobster hiding from them, there is tension. But above it all rests the Moon, a gentle light over the chaotic darkness below. How does this connect to my hideous little rodent? Only my autism brain can comprehend it. The girls who get it get it, and the girls who don't don't

Wiggle - The Sun

The Sun represents just having an awesome time. It's a card that radiates energy and joy- okay I'm dropping the act. She's the Sun because Gramble is the Moon. I know that, you all knew that, we can move on. Though I do feel like Wiggle aligns with the Sun; she shines bright, though seems like she's above others. That's just a cute coincidence though I am a Wigglefunny Warrior and Sun/Moon were the only cute matching cards remaining by the time I got to them.

The Journalist - Judgement

The Journalist is a really weird character to discuss because the whole point is that they have no character. Left with that, I decided to pick Judgement for them because it is through their eyes we see everything. We place our own interpretations onto this world, these characters. We judge them. Look at me all philosophical

Elizabert - The World

And as Filbo begins the Major Arcana as the Fool, Lizbert ends the Major Arcana as the World. Liz is almost a mystical figure throughout Bugsnax, always spoken of but never seen. And yet, she's the core of the game. She is everything. And therefore, she is the World. Also it's a cool dramatic card and all that, you get it.

Ending Note

This is entirely unedited I am NOT reading through all that again. Please engage with your own interpretations because I love talking about Bugsnax and characters and everything. I may or may not be considering an art project.

#bugsnax #frankie talks

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iridescentdove · 1 year ago

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can you do a continuation of full power Lumine with Fyodor, Sigma, and Ranpo. I feel like Fyodor would interested because of how complicated she is and how he would have a hard time understanding something for the for the first time I’m assuming. Same goes for Ranpo. I think he would be exiting too because the traveler is always willing to help and his type is someone that spoils him. For Sigma I feel like he would understand her in a way because he is a supernatural being that came into existence under interesting circumstances. And he would have someone to help him because we all know how the Decay Of Angels is I would also feel unsafe 24/7 😭

feel free to take your time if you have a lot of requests! (this was longer than I anticipated)

Fyodor, Sigma & Ranpo x Lumine! Reader

Hi! ♡ I'm quickly zooming through requests to make up for the time lost in my absence lol. Lumine is skeptical but shares the same curiosity her twin has for everything, she's rational and courageous, along with being generous and helpful towards others that need assistance. And most especially, rather beautiful and somewhat quiet, yet considered rather expressive.

As if a primordial being – Lumine holds power able to destroy worlds and travel through them with ease, and yet, most of it having been sealed away by the Unknown God's own bidding. What happens when she regains her full power and travels through the world of BSD?

Soukoku, Jouno & Atsushi Ver.

FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY:

You're a strange new specimen, and he actually finds interest in you. Plus – Fyodor actually likes pretty people, so seeing you for the first time is actually surprising.

Who knew someone so beautiful in this world existed 🗿

But honestly, although this man can read you like book if he wanted to, that's not happening.

You're rather complicated. Like no fr. You're pretty and small as hell, but you're so fucking strong hello? And you're not very talkative yet so expressionable it's alluring

He has no idea what to think, but all he knows is that he wants to keep you around.

The fact you're helpful draws him to you more. He learns to trust you overtime, and you have no ulterior motives when you go warm him up and make him feel comfortable.

Whenever he needs help or basically just you spoiling him and comforting from his anemia, that's cloud 9 ok idfc

He's starting to really ... really like you and I don't

You're basically everything he'd want tbh. Since you're from a different world, his ability probably don't work on you.

And just be glad it doesn't honestly. You're like God level strong and rather smart yourself, so he isn't bored and actually finds you worthy of being with him.

Well even if you weren't, you'd be an interesting playtoy on it's own. Please let me punch him already.

He'll have you run errands and do different things to go according to his plans, but he doesn't tire you out or anything because he still pretty much cares.

BRO this guy reminds me of the Fatui idk 💀

Dude is fuckin unhinged, commits warcrimes, hot and is very strong. You can't tell me he's literally the emobidiment of the harbingers in an alternate world lmfao

Even though he's a red flag you don't really care 'cause you can kill him whenever you want. Slayyy girlboss.

One of the rare times he'd take his ushanka off, and put it on your head because you're just too adorable to resist. The innocent, curious look on your face afterwards sends him.

You're a cute, complicated being he's just addicted to.

He's rather amused himself – so whenever you're like beating up Dazai or something (much to his satisfaction), he's watching in the back with his popcorn or sumn.

Probably smirking the entire time. He loves you more now

Imagine Dazai being Childe and that weekly boss you always fucking destroy every week? Peak comedy.

He probably won't even bother trying to fight against you, man knows his place so he gets humbled. But that probably won't stop him from testing you a few times.

He'll purposely get you in a tricky situation so he can observe more of you, and you'll never fail to surpass his expectations every time.

P.S. expect yourself to beat up Nikolai often. His orders lol

Rat king's actually found his match <3 fuck you

RANPO EDOGAWA:

You probably crash landed in the agency or smth. How would I know that?

I'm the writer, bitch /hjq

Now let's say both of you were just acquaintances at first, you'd help around the agency a lot though. And that also includes him.

So here we are! At this point, you're basically just spoiling him from all the help that you give.

He doesn't even mind he fucking loves it I bet

Other than Atsushi, he now drags you with him to go and buy candy, or just makes you go out and do it yourself. Either way the candy is bought so 🤷🏻

Dw babe he shares it with you <3

Must I say you're pretty once more? It's not even annoying bro I am SPEAKING FACTS stan lumine

Ranpo is very interested in you and your specie, if he ever got bored he'd probably take breaks away from doing some cases and listens to your talking.

Will get extremely invested in the world of Teyvat, learning more about it.

DON'T TELL HIM ABOUT HEIZOU

"Hehe! Number one detective you say? Even more so than I am~? After all, I am the greatest detective in the world!"

We get it babe.

Like if you ever honestly tried to put them both together in Poe's book it is very obvious who will come out first. Bro will legit rub it in your face too, not even cap

Oh, speaking of which – he'd probably invite you into one of them too. It would be a fun hangout ... maybe.

You're the bodyguard that fucks up any murderer tryna get to him while he deals with the shit and puts his glasses on then DAMN BITCH we boutta go usain bolt on this shit.

It doesn't even take that long. You guys did it in a heartbeat.

Ranpo honestly adores you, that much you can tell. He likes mostly everything about you and finds you so entertaining.

Especially your expressions which are peak comedy.

Definitely the type to do something real smart and show off his skills so he could see your reaction.

And maybe even get a bit of praise. You know this guy loves it when you compliment him and agree with things that he says. That's already fulfilling his heart.

I'd say you'd help him out a lot honestly, the ADA is basically the adventurers guild 💀

You'd be relaxing and having a chill time until Ranpo or some other member comes up and tells you to fucking beat up Mori or something

Yeah. They entrust it all to your capable hands.

But of course, Ranpo wouldn't leave you alone with that. You both make great teamwork in all cases.

Right after each remotely easy to borderline difficult case, Ranpo will be a sweetheart and take you out somewhere nice to relax. His treat.

kisses in the ferris wheel pls

It's already easy enough to tell, but you can see all the affection in his eyes as the night comes to an end once more. More than that, even.

It's such a cute sight. But honestly, who could even say no to this guy? It's literally Ranpo.

SIGMA:

So here you've already been in the world of bsd for a while and you're just doing random bullshit the agency adventurers guild gives you.

Mersault arc timeskip. Dazai off sucking and teaming up with some Nakahara toes, Nikolai being a material gworl

Fyodor is mimicking Odasaku's ashes

And obviously you're here in the back forced to do everything yourself because shit goes down 🔥

You have a pretty good knowledge on yourself in this world you're stuck in again, and it's necessary to use that info to your disposal because wow, the situation is complicated.

Especially during this arc now, but it's less difficult when you're only focusing on the DOA.

We'll say you only be familiar with the different organizations because you often go around a lot and travel.

Then meet various people and ... fight over half of them 😐

By this time, you and Sigma have been well acquainted. Due to his ability, he managed to get info about you easily. And boy does he use that to advantage.

Asked begged you to help him out in the DOA.

Look man he's suffering, don't leave babygworl all alone with all these gay men who're too broke to afford proper therapy sessions

Don't worry Sigma, we're here for you <3

By now you had no idea what was happening, just getting random info from everyone around you

Moving place to place (teleport waypoints are real handy right about now), collecting random shit and beating up enemies along the way

Classic genshin ripoff moment :/

Although you don't actually do a lot of stuff for the DOA, it's mostly personal mishaps coming from Sigma. Because no we don't want to be a wanted terrorist tf

So you soon arrived at mersault and saw poor Sigma either dead or unconscious.

Bro is in need of tevyat fried eggs

Anyways, you of course could not LEAVE him out of your sight after that. The one time you thought it was okay to stay out of business ... that happened 🤡

Sigma was indeed alive, but at the same time it wasn't okay to leave him since he was barely clinging on.

By the time he awoke, he thought he saw heaven. He frantically sits up from bed.

Oh wait, it was just you <3

You brought him back to the sky casino, as he was resting at a safe distance away from the three psychopaths in jail

You guys do end up having to go back much to his dismay, although this time it felt more safer because you were around. He's down deep and he can't return.

Sigma really likes you. Not because you're helpful and quite beautiful, but strong and empathetic in a sense both of you relate to various things.

He's seriously lucky to have you, his little shooting star ❤️

#bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs #armed detective agency #bsd #bsd headcanons #decay of angels #genshin #lumine #genshin crossover #bsd crossover #sigma x reader #bsd ranpo #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor x reader

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aychama · 9 months ago

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I'm sorry if this is too personal but did you had/have any art trauma caused by art teachers in school? And by trauma I mean some aversion to try learning one thing, because art teacher was just a dick. I have something like that with shading and it still holds after 6 years as a adult and I want to break it, but I cannot force myself to try it again and this holds my proggres as a ,,artist" and that's make me smad. I'm sorry once again if this is too personal or too hard to answer

Yup I did! Tho idk if I can call it "trauma" tbh

Oop I kinda went on a rant sorry lol

I studied ceramics in uni but I did have nude art classes and classes that required detailed art projects.

Although most of my uni time was wasted thanks to covid, I did get harrassed by a few of my classmates and my teacher in my last year.

My classmate had said that my art level wasnt good enough to be in this uni and my teacher yelled at me in the middle of class for like a week or two because I refused his ideas for my projects (he had given me the ok on the design before he changed his mind 180 and started pointing and laughing at me with my classmates while i worked on my ceramic project)

I eventually had to give up resisting because I wanted to pass the class and let him do whatever he wanted. (He legit just put clay on top of my design, smoothed it out and that was it in fact here is the design he gave me the ok to, the middle of my project and the way he stopped me)

After this I basicly didnt do anything more for his class, minimum effort. My days in Uni weren't all bad thank god but I was extremely unmotivated.

After I graduated, I didnt really draw or create much until my love for drawing rekindled with Cult of The Lamb! I love this game and Narilamb too much lmao-

But as for something similar to your experience I would say that I used to play the bass and electro guitar in highschool and we had to perform one day which I chickened out from that resulted in the music teacher getting angry at me. I dont play the guitar anymore :/ But my love for music hasnt died and I am using my love for art diffrently!

I would say that even if certain experiences deviates you from some topics, branches of art or people, dont let it kill your whimsy and ideas. You can always try out diffrent things to find something fun like diffrent styles of drawing, shading or no shading, diffrent mediums like digital or traditional, new or old techniques, weird colors or designs. You can always try out whats popular to see if you like it or not as well. You can also consume a lot of art media, educational or entertainment.

There is so many creative things you can try out, you dont have to be stuck on the past and that one shading idea your teacher tried to teach you ır tried to force onto you. I think you can go back to it after trying out many diffrent things to see if it was the technique or the teacher that ruined it for you.

If it was the technique, there are many MANY diffrent ones that you can enjoy!

If it was the teacher, Im not a therapist so idk what would be the right thing to say but healing takes time, sometimes the things people say never leaves you and sometimes you forget it 5 minutes later. You are a person with the ability to change, learn and grow. The only thing that is in your way is your 'will'. If you are willing to change, even if takes a long time, you will change! But if you dont want to, then no one can force you.

Healing and moving on is hard but not impossible. Dont let an asshole teacher get in the way of your growth ❤️

#vent #i think #ask #rant

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bomber-grl · 1 year ago

Text

Nico Di Angelo x Son of Nemesis 🥀

Pairing(s): Nico Di Angelo x male!reader

Ps used some of the fanon powers since they’re cool

You’re a child of nemesis and it’s to be expected that you’re probably on your own and don’t have much siblings

Surprise

Well ofc Nico never took note of you

He was going through his own thing but it was only when he began reflecting that he turned to you

It wasn’t easy to turn to a complete stranger but since your godly parent is nemesis- well he just assumed you could sense his want for revenge or sum idk he didn’t really think it through, ok??

And you? You laughed at him

He knew it was too silly and stupid and was about to grumble away before you held him back and offered him your help

Which he accepted with some reluctance

I mean you didn’t really know how to go about basically giving him some therapy but in the end it never really was about his issues

You two just became used to being around each other naturally and he was able to improve on his own.

It was a surprise that the two of you even interacted, you’re known to have an intimidating aura- not to mention your rare ability of controlling someone’s luck so 🤷‍♀️

Of course your godly parent gives you a bad rep but you never really cared for it

And neither did Nico, he knows how it feels

That’s particularly what gets you closer

You both were sorta disliked all the time, Nico because he’s a child of hades and you?

Mostly because the majority of your siblings left to be on Kronos side of the war….🧍‍♀️

It was sorta a sore topic and was particularly why it was awkward for others to be around you

But Nico being Nico, well he never payed much attention to it

Looking back it was ridiculous to think that you could ever be a therapist for him and you still tease him about it till this day

But you have a lot of things in common

A particular one being grudges

Nico holds them and despises whoever crosses him

But you? You take it up a notch and make plans to enact revenge

Maybe it’s a bit over the top

But who cares?

It’s not your fault you always remember insults or wrongs against you

Honestly I feel like in this world you really get to know someone once you fight alongside them

And boy does Nico fear and have a new found respect for you now

Your powers consist of using vengeful emotions and manipulating them to the greatest extent

And even when someone has great hate for someone, well you can twist it and make them use it to take revenge

It’s a pretty useful power to get your comrades to fight with all they’ve got

And you use it on yourself too, but had you known Nico would be affected the way he was, well you wouldn’t have done it

You had been fighting some monsters while you were traveling back to Camp half-blood

You both decided to head on back from your little vacation at your house but on the way back herds of monsters just began going at you

Your guess? They hadn’t seen a couple of demigods in a hot minute

Well regardless you fought as one does except for the fact that Nicos summoning of the dead was a bit more uncontrolled than usual

Yup, he actually lost full control

Hurray

I mean he almost took you down with him

If you didn’t immediately take away your influence who knows what else he would’ve done

Just goes to show how much emotions he’s got bottled up I guess

It’s sort of awkward from here on out

Well, maybe only on Nicos part

He was afraid you’d run away and never look back if he were to show you the more scarier aspects of his powers

Which like, Nico honey

There was plenty of time to do so before

Of course you give actual reassurances to him but yknow alls well that ends well

I think a son of Nemesis x Son of Hades is a pretty interesting dynamic considering the similarities

Honestly you’d never be too hard core for the other

You feel deeply, Nico feels deeply

(Yknow feelings of hatred but still)

Maybe that means you understand it on a deeper level, maybe it’s the exact opposite

So much potential

#fanfic #gn reader #male reader #fluff #fanfic fluff #fluff headcanons #pjo nico #pjo x reader #pjoverse #nico pjo #pjo fanfic #pjo fanfiction #pjo fandom #nico di angelo x male reader #nico di angelo x reader #nico di angelo #rick riordanverse #rick riordan #riordanverse

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garbage--account · 2 months ago

Text

My opinion so far on the VR characters (that no one asked for) :

I am using the dub names, they are easier to remember

Destin Billows

Of course i am beginning with the protagonist, you can't stop me. Neither you can stop him actually ! I love how bro is 1m40 30kg and still a menace and dare argue with muscle mountains that has the entire school behind their back. He is the ultimate hater, he is sassy and judge ppl and i am all in for this. His position as manager in quite interesting for a IE protagonist, because for him to not have a passive role in game, i think they included a whole management "gotta give them bois a career" part. At first, i wasn't a fan of him because of his design but once i saw how he gives 0 fuck about everything I really started to stan. Even in game, npc confirm he looks... interesting (not in a good way i think). Also, in the near future, he will be in kahoot with : rich heir, council student president, most popular girl, most popular frat boy, soccer legend's son and the most dangerous player ever ???? What in the name of rizz ????

Briar Bloomhurst

Him and Destin, my OTP lmao, he already calls him boss 💖. 10/10 design, 10/10 charisma, 10/10 backstory, 10/10 personality, 10/10 aesthetic, 10000000000000000000000000000000/10 legs (Destin told me). Let's talk about his potential : he is a rich boy with daddy issues pretending to be a thug 'cause he can't use his godly legs for sakka. It gives : family-centered subplot, big guy protecting his 2 autistic buddies, "violence to eloquence" character development (i made up this term), important figure in his community (so maybe unlocking new features or subplots in the game), catalyst of the club reputation issue because thug, maybe becoming the captain ??? Idk, Level 5 i hoped you cooked because i am not letting that wasted potential slid.

Cedric Freud

Or as we call him in the french community : Cedric Fraud (we do not hate him we just think it is funny). At first, i really didn't give a shit about him, despite having a better character design than Destin, but after watching the beta chapter 1, i actually related to him and now i appreciate him much more. He is still annoying, but in a funny way. He also seems little more of a grounded guy and to understand and empathise with people better than Destin and Briar. He is a good third member of the trio, because between Destin who is the most out of pocket guy and Briar being lil brutal at times, i am glad there is someone like Cedric who is less extreme, a bit of a pacifier and just a funny guy who wants to vibe and make friends otherwise Nagumohara will be in jail in 24h.

Raika Shinohara

She kept her japanese name in the dub and i find it odd (the only one that did that was Fei i think). That was for the uniteresting fact. From what i saw in the trailers, i don't think she has a tragic backstory and is here for the tragedy (i can be wrong tho). She most likely joined for vibes and aesthetic purposes and i am ok with that. She is just a girly girl that actually get to do shit and i am all here for that. Also, her dancing abilities (who was the highlight of her character) could be the source of a lot of Nagumohara's hissatsus and tactics (and i like that for once, we get to have a main team who has a defined style of play unlike the others who didn't know what and how they were doing and still managed to pass). She looks like she will integrate nicely in the cast, even tho i see her getting along with Cedric more giving their carefree aura.

Alix La Fontaine

French person here, instant fave 🇨🇵🇨🇵🇨🇵🇨🇵 It seems him and Thierry made an alliance (or are competing) to be the first antagonists to try to stop our protag's plans. He looks dramatic af in the trailer, very theatrical in the way he expresses himself and change his outfit in the middle of his hissatsus ???? Material girl material 💅💅💅 Tbh i think he is made this way to mimic a politician (yay a 14 years old corrupt politician in middleschool) His relationship with Lilac looks funny ngl because she looks like she is not having his bs. Also how a élégant fine sophisticated femboy ended up in the goalpost, where he will be beaten by explosive hissatsus daily ? This will ruin his hair, pray for his wig 🙏🙏🙏

Thierry Reyes

His vibes give me the ICK. He looks gay and homophobic at the same time. He looks like a redpiller and i despise this mentality. But i don't feel neutral about him and the trailers show i am likely wrong (partially). Anyway, he is obviously the first antagonist/opponent of Nagumohara with his clique of frat baseball bois. It would be funny if he goes to Alix crying after his defeat against us, and the latter be like "pookie, i can't do anything to restore your dignity but don't worry i will make them close their club". (Not necessarily shipping them but why not, we are pro-shippers in this house) He also was doing influencing in chapter one, idk if it will get somewhere after. His design is also kinda weird to me but got used to it (a bit like Destin ngl).

Cade Shelby

Of all the canon Nagumohara's soccer club cast so far, he is the one i have the least opinion about. He is the mandatory chubby giant with low self esteem we have in all the main teams, he will probably be a defender. His design is also questionable (who thought Todd's design was a good idea?). At least, the other ones were a bit charismatic and unique in their own way, and we can make serious predication of their roles and character arc and synergy with the other members, but not here (and it'snot because it's mysterious but rather that is uninteresting). However, he still has some things going on for him : to this date, he is the one i think is behind the Umi-bozu, the final boss of chapter one (spoiler : it's a robot), his attire seems to indicate he was be somewhat savvy with technology and all we know about him is that he is being bullied. The voice doesn't concur tho, but since it's a machine, it could be modified even after its malfunction. He is the only one who could have a motive to do that at this point ('cause i don't see the student council do that kind of shit, not yet). And as stated by Destin, uncovering the identité of the Umi-bozu leads to major development, so if it's him, i guess he is more important than expected (tbh, due to the limited canon cast this time, i hope so Level 5 cooked for him and that he is not just a gimmicky character).

Harper Evans

Like most of the OG fan, i can't wait to see and get to know him and he hyped me so much. He is also the one i am the most afraid of being dissapointed, because we have been hyped by him being "soccer monster" and stuff, and Hino saying shits like "yeah the story will have a very moving twist", but what if it is not living to our expectation ? ...wait, writting that, i may have figured out the point of his character ? Idk, i just wished to be actually surprised by how he turns out (if it makes any sense). What do you think guys ? Fun fact is that VR was first supposed to be setting in OG Raimon, with Destin as the manager and Mark as the captain, maybe he was created after the original idea of VR after it changed so much ?

Darian Moonward

I am like a bit wtv with him so far. He gives me huge Michibari vibes, even tho he is supposed to be "charismatic". He seems calm and wise, being the one doing tactics (according to Raimon's current coach, who seems to be our main antagonist) and giving advice to Harper, not much to say about him. I think it would be funny if he was actually very silly and autistic and weird and akward and dunno what he is doing in his head in contrast with his exterior. He seems kinda close to Harper tho, maybe he knows stuff for the story ?

Nikas Himmelstein

annnd idk if i wrote his name right.... He's a cutie patootie and it all that struck me so far. Tho there is this moment were he closes his eyes, the world is in negative and he figured which tactic to do, which was kinda cool with the ost. There is this scene were Cedric does a similar thing in the new trailer for one sec, i wonder if it's something that is linked to this. Also, since Destin moved from his city to go to Kyushu, i always wondered if we will see ppl from his past and Nikas seems to be the type of guy to know the Destin of before.

I won't review his captain : i forgot his name, his design is ugly and there is nothing to say about him. Next !

Alice Rendell

No, just no. I have no explaination.

Lilac Tausend

Beyond her habitable forehead, i have few other things to say. Her design reminds me of Nae/Bunny, but her vibes scream Natsumi/Nelly. 'Cause she has a position similar to the latter in the school and you feel my girl knows things. We don't know what but she knows. For the few secs we see her, she seems to argue with Alix and says something that indicate us she is not really bothered by the soccer club, unlike Alix (and Thierry) who seems overdramatic compared to her. An ally ? Or maybe she just likes to piss Alix for fun ? What do you think ?

Juno Hundermarkt

Simple but nice design. The voice of the Umi-bozu sounds the most like her, and that contradicts a bit my theory on its identity. Idk what to think about her, she seems to be the student council learders's doormat, what would be her story (if she has one)?

Elaine Sereno

Not much to say about her except she has a Nice design and seems like a wholesome lady. However, i think what really insteresting about her is the contrast she gives to the rest of the soccer team. Like imagine this nice and calm lady having to deal with the others's shenanigans and bs on a daily basis and she's like "i am not paid enough for this, help". Tbh, all of them need therapy and she seems to be a great councellor. She may be the only rampart of this team from going bat-shit crazy ?

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transmutationisms · 2 years ago

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I would love to hear more of your thoughts on House & its relation to the detective genre ! I think that house (completely accidentally and very badly) stumbles into a good critique of how doctors & medical structures view addicts & disabled people, with house being a horrible hegemonic mr malpractice to his patients frequently yet half is series is unironically just about all the injustice/mistreatment he faces because his doctor colleagues can’t see him as a person but only as a problem to be solved/rehabbed/therapized/institutionalized/treated like a child with stolen candy/treated like a criminal. and then it also randomly takes an incredibly pro MAID stance. which isn’t really part of this but I just remembered how batshit insane that show was. and then chase killed a dictator and I feel like the show was squarely on his side for that one. Anyway. Do you have thoughts? I really like house.

ok here's my house md take. like a lot of medical dramas, the show essentially relies for its dramatic appeal on the construal of patients as gross, weird, and stupid—rubes who are too uneducated and self-serving in their petty lies to solve their own bodies, and thus need the intervention of house to fix them. this is standard for the genre, although slightly meaner on house than on some other examples (cf. grey's or even the older and soapier generation of these shows). i don't even think house committing malpractice is all that new; it's relatively common as a plot point that positions the noble rule-breaking doctor as someone who 'does what needs to be done' and skirts the bureaucratic red tape to follow their own superior judgment. what makes house more interesting is that from the get-go, house himself is both a doctor and an unwilling patient. in itself this isn't a tension that's new to the medical soap (injuring a major character is pretty par for the course) but house's particular interactions with the ruling biomedical epistemology are, as you point out, characterised by hostility and resistance, and the show frequently either sides with house, or at least leaves it somewhat up to the viewer to decide whether house is right to resist the pathologisation that cuddy and wilson try to impose on him.

this is kind of a tricky line to walk for 7 seasons or however long the show is. my recollection is there are episodes, for example, where it's very clear that house's pain is physical, and the writers use this to morally justify his vicodin use. this is obviously not a full-throated defence of opioid users, but it is at least pointing to a position on chronic pain that allows for the possibility that for some people, long-term use of drugs with a high addiction potential and side effects is legitimately the best thing. but, this messaging is also undercut by the fact that it's primetime television, they need to make drama, and there are definitely also episodes where house is framed as potentially lying about his pain, or at least mistaking a somatic problem for a physical one, which the writers often (not always, but often) present as evidence that actually, house shouldn't be trusted to make his own decisions about drug use, and ideally should be 'de-toxed' and probably sent to cbt or whatever. of course all of these considerations are also contextualised by the fact that house is, again, not just a patient but a doctor: his right and ability to make these types of calls for himself is, it's suggested, a result of his having attained medical education and credentials. the patients who come to be treated by him are seldom, if ever, given this same level of consideration or presumed to have sufficient self-awareness to make their own medical decisions. this isn't to say they're portrayed entirely unsympathetically, but ultimately the narrative engine of the show relies on house being the smartest guy in the room (though ofc, sometimes tragically 'held back by his addiction').

so, although there are moments on the show that genuinely transgress some of the norms of the med-drama genre, i have never agreed with people who thought that the show as a whole was presenting any sustained critique of the medical system, the treatment of chronic pain/disability, or the power-imbalanced doctor-patient relationship. ultimately all authority on house md is supposed to emanate from the physician, or the physician's superiors (cuddy as a 'check' on house, though sometimes a failed one! again because of the need to generate drama for like 140 episodes), and at its most radical the show is really only capable of presenting house himself as an out-of-control aberration whose existence strains the existing system rather than being produced by it.

this is where i think the comparison to the cop show genre becomes more clarifying. house md never made a secret of being an interpolation of the detective genre, specifically sherlock holmes. however, i'm not sure i've ever really seen writing on the show that analyses what effect this actually has on house. like police, doctors are tasked with maintaining certain social norms; the dichotomy between policing and medicine isn't even a solid line, as criminality is frequently rhetorically construed as a pathology in itself and medical authorities can and do have recourse to carceral systems in order to discipline and confine recalcitrant patients, the 'criminally insane', addicts, and so forth. (policing has historically also been understood in a more expansive sense than how we use the word today; our understanding of the medical/public health system as separate from police authority is arguably more to do with university credentialling than the actual exercise of social and political power).

so, if we want to be serious about the portrayal of medicine in popular culture (i am always serious about this) then we're necessarily talking about broader systems of power, social control, and discipline, and doubly so on a show like house that is explicitly inspired by detective fiction. this is where house md is most ideologically objectionable to me: as with the trope of the cop who breaks all the rules, house is basically positioned in one of two ways throughout the show. either he's a lone genius who alone is willing to achieve noble ends (cure) through distasteful means (breaking into patients' homes, berating them, performing risky interventions on them, &c), or—and this is rarer on house but does happen—he's portrayed as genuinely crossing an ethical line, in which case he's a kind of monstrous aberration from the normal, ethical functioning of the medical system, often represented metonymously by the objections that cuddy, wilson, or house's underlings raise. in both of these cases, as with copaganda, the function is ultimately to reinforce the idea that doctors, though occasionally capable of human error, are prima facie wiser than their patients, looking out for their patients' best interests, and performing noble social roles as healers. house, ofc, is very rarely willing to admit that he has any underlying ethical motivations, though much of the show is driven by the flashes where he is revealed to 'secretly' care about another person (often wilson) and anyway, the construction of an ethical society in which all individual actors are motivated solely by selfish interests is a very established rhetorical move for those interested in defending liberal capitalist societies (cf. charles darwin, thomas malthus, adam smith, &c).

because of television's need to generate profit via audience engagement, house md always relied on a certain level of shock or at least provocation in order to sustain itself. so, there are certain aberrations from the more overtly doctor-valorising medical dramas, like the suggestion (sometimes tongue-in-cheek) that house was better at his job when he was mildly high on opioids. this was, for the reasons outlined above, never a serious entry into political critique, but it was at least refreshing in a certain way as a departure from, eg, the portrayal of addiction and drug use that we see on grey's, which is completely limited to the medicalised AA narrative of 'recovery' as a battle against the malevolent intervention of an external chemical agent. which is to say that although house md is ultimately reactionary in the way we should expect from an american tv show, it did at least dabble in a certain level of caustic iconoclasm that allowed limited departures from the genre conventions. even with what was ultimately a pretty solid vindication of the anti-opioid narrative, the show does stand out in my mind as one of the few very popular presentations of any kind of alternative stance on chronic drug use. that it's usually put in house's own mouth means it is occasionally legitimated by his epistemological authority as a physician, though ofc ultimately this authority is challenged not through a critique of the medical system, but by presenting house as individually and aberrantly licentious, undisciplined, and insane—and his chronic pain/disability are both a justification for this, and a shorthand for conveying it.

#house md

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savagewilderness · 1 year ago

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What a gorgeous interview with Assad. Imagine being him… you audition for a minor role… then all of a sudden you’re Armand… then you’re not Armand for S1, then you watch S1 and it’s incredible and in S2 you’re Armand and you actually have the largest role in the entire season 2 and THEN your first scenes are that gigantic argument with Louis and all of episode 5 in which you have to be absolutely peak 100% essence-of-Armand and in the back of your mind is like “Wow, if S2 fails, it will be MY FAULT!” The pressure!!! And then Armand is just THE most complex character and has the most heartbreaking backstory and you have to convey him truthfully. It's all A Lot!!!

Anyway, as to the interview, you should listen to Assad talk beautifully about it rather than me yammer on. Every week, my first thought after watching a new episode is how I want to shout from the rooftops how magnificent Assad is! He is Too Incredible.

Leaving Interview With the Vampire aside (so you can stop reading here!) and turning inwards...

...the first bit made me sad on a personal level. Who are the teachers trying to encourage shy children to act (so many actors talk this way and it seems SO alien to me!) and where were they in my life?! There was no drama in my secondary school (in lessons we were taught at least, hahaha!) but in my primary school, Reception (age 4/5) did the nativity, Year 4’s (age 8/9) did the Christmas play and year 6’s (age 10/11) did the Summer play. It was a big school so no other years were involved in any play or any drama.

When I was 8, in year 4, the Christmas play was going to be A Christmas Carol and I desperately wanted to be in the play. I had visions of playing Martha. Anyway, there were around 100 children in each school year, BUT my class teacher was the Director of the play. You couldn’t just audition to be in the play, you had to be invited to try out for it… but (admittedly very quiet, silent and shy) 8-year-old me said to my teacher that I’d like to audition for the play, and she…. LAUGHED IN MY FACE & said “hahaha, you can’t audition! You’re WAY too quiet!”

And because I was way too quiet, I didn’t fight it. I just took the “No.” Hahaha. And I learned that I was too quiet to have that kind of a dream & that I had been totally stupid to ever even imagine it. I only got quieter & less confident from that age onwards really, too.

But - It all worked out OK as I did actually play the leading boy in the year 6 play we did… only I know because it was a musical and all the 11-year-old boys had voices that were breaking so it was bad timing for them, thus I got the role. And I REALLY FOUGHT for it. In a way o don’t think I ever fought for any other thing in life. Stuff just happened to me? I think I was rubbish. To audition for that, we had to make up our own scene and act it out, and I was good at thinking of imaginary worlds which was, I am sure the only reason I got to do that. But I did it. And it was the start and end. I remember I had to say “Don’t be respondent love” at one point and everyone laughed at this little kid saying those words. And I cried in a rehearsal (because the character was sad) and the teacher AGAIN said “Are you crying?” And the other children laughed at me.

But there was no drama as I say in my secondary school… and anyway, from age 11 onwards I became a lot more insecure. And seeing as everyone had always told me I was just a silent, shy thing I had nothing to fall back on to believe and I just believed that was all I was and I couldn’t achieve anything.

I recently met my music teacher from secondary school in fact and I was a music person in school as you might imagine and she said “Wow, I can’t believe you have a job. You were always so quiet.” So that’s great! I always did well in exams, but apparently I was quiet to such an extreme extent, even a teacher of a subject that I was notable enough at that the teacher remembers me literally thought I would have zero ability to ever function in the real world.

I can’t say she was wrong! *Unfunctioning*!!! Hahaha

I really related to Assad's tales of secondary school. I was good at maths at school and did Further Maths A-level and I was the only person in the school to do it so had 1-1 lessons. In every single maths lesson (I'm not a kid at this stage obviously! I'm 16-18!) I sat with my teacher in SUCH utter silence that you would hear both of out stomachs rumbling. LOLOLOL, it was SO awkward. I can't articulate to you how at that age I literally could not do talking at all. It would make me want to laugh the way you'd hear our stomachs having a conversation, ahahahahah.

I made that all about ME! Oops. But hey. Storytime with me! I still believe I am terrible at All Things. And I don't think I am as quiet now, but I know other people perceive me that way still. Oh well. I am silent and alone and that's fine. Words are overrated unless written or spoken by others, anyway!

#interview with the vampire #anne rice #amc interview with the vampire #amc iwtv #Assad zaman #armand #the vampire armand #iwtv armand #armand le russe #Assad armand #Assad Zaman armand #Youtube

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inchidentallybackup · 2 years ago

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ok so I am obsessed with this poetry/Oscar series by @piastriachios and I need to just put my thoughts here rather than messing with the visuals of the post

the fact that so much is emphasized about how poetry is this clean, pure line of thought from brain to pen when so many people see it as "flowery" or "fussy" or worse, intellectual in an elitist sense. and it's like the way people (looking at you, Dax Sh*pard) see Oscar and assume he's Just a Guy and casually fling all these bro-ey assumptions at him thinking he'll pick them up and play ball. but every time one of those comes at him Oscar visibly withdraws and casts that Australian sound-of-hesitation-and-disagreement and hits back with something much simpler and nothing to do with outside approval. he has A-levels in maths, physics and computer science but he also chooses daring and risk above all else. he said goodbye to his dad and lived half a world away from his family from age 14, pushed himself to succeed at school alongside his racing career, stood up against an entire F1 team to choose where he took his F1 seat, and has had one of the ballsiest rookie seasons for a long time.

the emphasis on the bravery and the guts it takes to compose poetry as well - how exposed you are. and there's Oscar following on from Carlos and Daniel as Lando's teammate hot on the heels of controversy - and he makes the solid decision to just be himself, with absolutely nothing in common with the naturally media-friendly big personalities that came before him. it feels so tempting to class him as awkward or just shy but it's not the case. he will not dance when told to and he won't fill space if it doesn't feel right. he won't play even a somewhat false part to Lando for the sake of winning over fans and media (a lot of whom already looked askance at him). he also isn't humble and deferential to Lando just for the impression it will give. he knows he's the rookie and he knows Lando is the established F1 driver. none of that matters on the track of course. but everywhere else, it does. so it matters to him.

and then there's his unbroken resilience and lack of relationship with regret. he celebrates with humility as well as pride when he does well, and stares disappointment down with that determined look on his face. because of course he feels things and of course it's more than what he will allow just anyone to know about him. but even that is strategic and smart. his own family told him that to pursue this career the way he wanted he would have to largely be solitary. he didn't even find a girlfriend just to have someone around to absorb the loneliness as so many young men do, she has her own education and career and family and has only been to certain races each year. and his choice was to not try and find a new family but to be his own man. "that's the type of chaos that happens when your brain interferes with your body". he knows what things he's supposed to be doing and what his responsibilities are meant to be. it isn't his job yet to try and be more for the sake of someone else or worry about what he'll be expected to do in the future. that will be then, this is now.

"thinking will make mistakes" and if that doesn't describe Oscar's approach of demanding space to be deliberate and comfortable. a huge amount of Lando's discussions about his own mental health are on him trying to live more for the moment and to not get stuck in his own head. he said of the Sprint win 'Oscar didn't make any mistakes and I did, so he deserved that win more than me' (paraphrased). Lando also said that he's gained a lot from having Oscar as a teammate and that's honestly an understatement for Lando's success in the 2023 season. they're both preternaturally disposed to view life and racing in totally different but not remotely clashing ways. Oscar's clarity and ability to remain in the moment is something Lando's always known he needs more of because it sharpens and hones his own abilities the way it does for Oscar. it's like having a walking buddy who keeps pointing at things on the horizon and making you look up to see. you don't have to see in the same way or even see the same things, you just have to remember to look.

"kick against words as you would kick back on a swing" and "you've got to feel as if the soles of your feet are touching the sky" godddd when you watch the races from the onboards and appreciate the rocket science and mortal risk of each and every race - and how vastly different F1 is to F2 and why so many young men are denied a seat… Oscar could never be the placid creature he seems when he's outside the car. it's just that who he really is exists when he's in the car and life for him outside of it is something different. he's possibly the most 'purely driven by a passion for racing' racing driver in a Prostian sense for a long time. (Max being a different kettle of fish entirely and not my topic to get into) but there's a lack of alpha male anger and hostility to him that existed in those previous generations that I think is what propelled him in the Qatar sprint and has resulted in his passing looking like someone who's more like three or four years into his F1 career than a rookie. Oscar will not give up his daring for anyone or anything. that's the truth of that bright crimson streak across his cheeks when he lifts his helmet off before he slowly becomes pale and retiring again.

I just really love that post and it was completely unnecessary and probably very unpoetic of me to ramble about it like this but it's intended as fully appreciative <3

#landoscar #mctwinks #twinklaren #mine #long post

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sora-fish · 8 months ago

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SWTD!PD au headcanons, GO!!

Under the cut because this is probably gonna be long- plus little bit of a violence warning, just a tad

William

• Is always intangible- cannot be NOT intangible, he doesn’t have control of that

• Speaking of which, he really doesn’t have most of his Wisp abilities. The wisps kinda have moved onto the next whisperer.

• Survivors guilt…. (Is it still survivors guilt if you also died?)

• Probably haunts the house PD lives in after this, like, PD won’t see him for a couple days and then one of them walks into the kitchen too see William attempt to grab the bag of shredded cheese (and failing)

• William is especially uncomfortable around chemicals/explosives, which is a good thing he doesn’t go near them often.

Vyncent

• The only person without significant physical change, just lost the greats (comes with its own set of guilty thoughts)

• Lost all chance of going home…… Vyncent :(.

• He’s basically been taking the reins and making sure everyone is ok, pushing this shit DOWN. He was the one that got them a new apartment with his various credit cards.

• Instincts always are at an all time high, GOING HAYWIRE, bro cannot sleep properly unless PD is all in the same room.

• Stress levels are still beyond the roof, he hasn’t really had a chance to actually like- settle down and process what happened. He’s just been dealing with all the stuff afterwards cause he thinks he’s the only one stable enough for that.

Dakota

• Most physically mutated, kinda spider like, but if spider limbs were fleshy

• very very insecure about this unfortunately, it makes all of them (including Dakota) uncomfortable to be around so he tries to keep the new limbs to himself.

• Maybe kinda thinks about taking a bite out of one of the other 3 every once in awhile. Only a little bit.

• Trains too make sure he can use this new ‘power’ for the greater good, that and too work himself to the bone and forget anything happened. They all have their unhealthy coping mechanisms and this is Dakotas.

• Ms. G has tired to talk to PD after finding out they were even alive, and Dakota was so ashamed that he hid and has not talked to her sense their last phone call in the base.

Ashe

• Dead for the longest, so being brought back caused lots of whiplash- for example, it was dark and quiet for so long, she has trouble with those senses and stuff

• Being dead ALSO left damages too her body that they can’t really repair. Kinda like trickster Headcanons but instead it’s the fact that ocean water kinda messed things up

• Misses papa :(((

• Was the first to die, and she did so earlier on than anyone else, so she does not know what happened. She wants to know but the 3 others haven’t said anything.

• Less mutated then Kota, but has patches of skin that are still more ‘fleshy’, it hurts to the touch and she has one on her chest- it moves when her heart beats.

#jrwi #jrwi show #jrwi vyncent #jrwi william #vyncent sol #william wisp #dakota cole #jrwi dakota #ashe winters #jrwi ashe winters #just roll with it prime defenders

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thoughtportal · 9 months ago

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'Megalopolis' is a piece of s—t

SFGATE columnist Drew Magary begs you not to see Francis Ford Coppola's new film

This is not a review. This is a warning. If I gave Francis Ford Coppola’s “Megalopolis” a standard movie review and told you that it was an incoherent mess on par with “Rebel Moon” (which it is), your fanboy reflexes would kick and you’d write me off. You’d take me as just another pair of glasses dead set on panning a movie just to bolster their art cred. I hate critics like that, and so do you.

So I’m telling you this not as a reviewer, but as a friend: Do not see this movie. It is a piece of s—t.

You’ve been warned various times already. You were warned when the Guardian reported this spring that crew members on “Megalopolis” described its making, paid for entirely by Coppola thanks to his fortune in winemaking, as a “train wreck.” You were warned when that same article leveled allegations that the old man would sexually harass female crew members (barf) and burn hours of shooting time just hanging out and smoking weed instead of working (OK I respect it). Coppola has denied the allegations, and has sued Variety for its own investigation into his reported wrongdoing. In its introduction, the written complaint in that suit includes the sentence, “Some people are jealous and resentful of genius.” Go ahead and take that sentence as a warning, too.

Because Coppola has been running defense for this film basically ever since it wrapped. Lionsgate, the only studio willing to distribute Coppola’s vanity project, tried to get ahead of the damage by releasing a trailer larded with critical barbs that had been levied against Coppola’s old masterpieces, quotes that turned out to be fabricated.

But perhaps those warnings haven’t been enough. Perhaps, like me, you keep a soft spot in your heart for Coppola, a member of the auteur revolution who made a string of masterpieces through the ’70s and ’80s, but has made none since. Perhaps, like me, you were drawn in by a cast that includes Adam Driver, Aubrey Plaza, Dustin Hoffman, the god Giancarlo Esposito and other luminaries. And perhaps, like me, you’re so worn out by corporate filmmaking that you’re down with any movie that showcases pure artistic ambition, even if the end result is a misfire. Maybe this thing is a disaster, but maybe that’s the fun of it, yeah? Like gawking at a car wreck?

Wrong. This movie is unwatchable. It deserves to live in infamy, with its title acting as shorthand for any multimillion-dollar flop borne out of monstrous ego. I took a bullet watching “Megalopolis” for you. An actual bullet would have been kinder.

I’ll give you the details as best as I can manage. “Megalopolis” — oh I’m sorry, “Megalopolis: A Fable” — is Coppola’s attempt to portray near-future America as Ancient Rome. And brother, he is NOT subtle about it. He renames New York as New Rome. He gives every male actor a Caesar cut. He throws in engraved title cards throughout the movie that look like the menu of an SNES game. He turns Madison Square Garden into the Coliseum and uses it for an extended bacchanalia scene that goes on longer than a Catholic wedding. And he dresses up Shia LaBeouf, a talented actor whose face I never want to see again, in toga drag. Why is Shia in drag? What’s his character up to? Please don’t expect answers to any of that.

Here is the plot, as best as I can divine it. Driver plays Cesar Catilina, who runs the Design Authority of New Rome, which has its own police force for some reason. We know that Cesar is an architect, because the posters for “Megalopolis” all show Driver holding a magic T-square. We do not actually see him use that T-square in this movie. In fact, we don’t see him doing any nuts-and-bolts design work of any kind. This is because Cesar’s real occupation is Godfather of New Rome. He somehow has more influence in New Rome than the city’s mayor (Esposito), ANDhe has the power to stop time. How he acquired this ability is never explained. In fact, the movie gives Cesar this power for virtually zero narrative purpose.

Cesar is tortured. His wife has died, and Cesar is mourning her by doing lots of blow and sleeping with salacious TV reporter Wow Platinum, played by Aubrey Plaza. Turning Aubrey Plaza blonde is one of many crimes that Coppola perpetrates in this film. Now, Wow Platinum has some skeezy motives of her own (she’s a gold digger), so Cesar is wary.

He also has beef with Mayor Cicero, who apparently tried to implicate Cesar in his wife’s death, and who is working to prevent Cesar’s Design Authority from building Megalopolis, the architect’s vision of a future city. None of this is explained with any clarity. More important, it’s boring.

The rivalry between Cesar and Cicero grows more heated when the former falls in love with the mayor’s daughter, Julia. Julia is played by Nathalie Emmanuel, whose only direction from Coppola appears to have been, “act like you’re the love interest in a Michael Bay film.” Julia is a reporter (I think?) who’s loyal to her father but enchanted by this brooding, wide-chested rival. Is this love? Does the fate of Driver’s new “city,” which we know is the city of the future because it has moving walkways that glow, depend on them staying away from one another? Do I care about ANY of this s—t?

I don’t.

The plot I described above is barely discernible through the excruciating 138-minute running time of “Megalopolis.” I had to piece the story together myself while enduring things that no paying moviegoer should ever have to sit through. There’s that endless Coliseum scene, featuring a musical interlude from the city’s “virgin sweetheart,” who turns out to be older than she claimed (no!) and not a virgin at all (ZOMG!). In fact, she f—ked Cesar! On camera! Is nothing pure?

It gets dumber. There’s a scene where Julia, with the film’s incoherent score blasting in the background, solemnly reads not one, but THREE quotes from Marcus Aurelius in a row, giving the Roman emperor attribution after each one of them. There is Dustin Hoffman looking lost. There is Jon Voight looking even MORE lost. Driver is just about the only person here who does his best with the material he’s given. He acts so, so hard. Admirably so. Everyone else, with great justification, looks like they’re already embarrassed to be here. They know this thing is going to be a lemon, and act accordingly.

That includes Laurence Fishburne, in full “Matrix 2” mode playing both a chauffeur and an occasional narrator. That also includes Jason Schwartzman, who gets almost no lines in the film but shows up mostly because he’s related to Coppola. And it includes Plaza, who will absolutely be the best interviewee from this cast whenever Werner Herzog films a documentary about how awful the production was.

Oh hey, did I mention that there’s an Elvis impersonator singing the national anthem? That was random. There are also still photos of 9/11 (Rome falling alert!), plus an “interactive element” where a live performer in the auditorium asks questions of the on-screen Cesar as part of a press conference scene. It adds nothing.

There’s a jarring sequence where a little kid walks up to Driver’s car and shoots him in the face (credit where it’s due, Coppola still knows how to film a murder), but the bullet turns Driver’s right eye into a miniature galaxy before the wound magically heals altogether.

And, most importantly, there is Voight in a Robin Hood outfit, asking Plaza, “What do you think of this boner I got?” before shooting her in the chest with an arrow. That one’ll be a meme.

Save for Voight’s erect midnight cowboy, nothing else about “Megalopolis” will last. The dialogue is terrible. The color palette is nearly as incongruent as the music. The overdubbing sometimes doesn’t match the actors’ lips at all. The visual effects are terrible, featuring virtual sets that look like early design mockups Coppola never bothered to flesh out. Even the PROPS are terrible. Every physical prop in “Megalopolis” looks like Coppola either found it in his garage or asked his grandkids to make it for him. This movie cost the old man $120 million. He sold one of his wineries off to finance it. You could have shot a better looking movie with your phone.

And that’s really all there is to it. The only reason this film was released was because Coppola made it, and the only reason that Coppola made it was because he’s a centimillionaire. This is very much the work of a bored old stoner. I knew it five minutes into “Megalopolis.” I also knew that I was stuck.

Don’t let that happen to you. Don’t be tempted by Coppola, or by the cast, or by any contrarian review that attempts to kick off a reassessment of this disaster that it will never deserve. This movie is garbage. It doesn’t work as “so bad it’s good” camp. It doesn’t work as a “fable.” It doesn’t work as a noble attempt at a Big Statement. It doesn’t work at all. I’m sorry I watched it, and I will genuinely think less of anyone who finds it redeemable. There are plenty of directing legends, Martin Scorsese chief among them, who have great stories left to tell. “Megalopolis” proves that Coppola is not one of them. This man doesn’t know how to make good movies anymore. In fact, he doesn’t appear to know how to make any movie anymore.

Before my screening, the studio hosted a livestreamed Q&A with Coppola, Spike Lee and Robert De Niro. Toward the end of that Q&A, De Niro, an outspoken liberal, looked out at the audience and said to them, “Just imagine Trump directing this movie.” Bobby, I don’t have to.

#article #movie review #movies #film #francis ford coppola #Megalopolis

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