#omg it’s ALSO fucked up on mobile but in a completely different way

[barisistill]

Hi! Your writing is amazing! I want to start writing fanfiction but whenever I try it seems bland? Flat? Idk it feels like there isn't enough to describe what's going on and it just feels like everything is rushed.

I get that practice makes perfect, but other than that are there any tips you might have?

I'd really be grateful if you could, and sorry if this is worded weird (I'm not good with asking for things lol) anyways have a good day and remember to drink water !!

First off, thank you SO much for reading my fics, and I definitely hope you join our little guild of writers still clinging desperately to Barisi in [current year]. You have no idea how much it means to be told my writing is tip-worthy!!

I can give a few philosophies that I use as guides, but these are just ways I've developed my own writing style over time—I'm sure plenty of people think these choices suck.

Overdo the first draft: In my first draft, I just throw in every detail that seems even potentially relevant—thoughts, feelings, details about the room, the lighting, how characters are positioned, etc. This gives me a robust starting point so, for the most part, I'm not trying to figure out what's 'missing' later. I'm just taking out the trash. It made my first drafts feel like they took forever to write in the beginning, but over time I started to be able to anticipate what would be trash and not write it down in the first place.

Trim the fat: I used to have my fics overloaded in crap that didn't matter and repetitive phrasing, etc. because I had an attitude of "Well, I spent the time writing it, so it would be a waste to not include it." This only hurt the work in the end. If something fundamentally sucks, I just accept that it sucks and pitch it.

I'm nothing if not indulgent in establishing general vibes: I generally keep sentences that ONLY give an action to a minimum. There are a million ways to enhance sentences—throw in what a character is thinking or feeling, take a spin on a metaphor, toss in an adverb or two. I find that this helps me keep the pacing from feeling rushed. For example, I would change the following, because it doesn't do anything to establish the mood or general vibe. It's just A happens, then B happens, then C happens: "It was the middle of a hot day, and Carisi was sitting on the couch in Barba's office while Barba was sitting as his desk. They were barely getting any work done." I would change it to something like: "The midday sun was cutting harsh stripes of light across Barba's desk, and the air conditioning unit was giving a half-hearted performance. They'd long since shed their jackets and vests, ties loosened and sleeves rolled up. Carisi sprawled across Barba's couch, while Barba had kicked his feet up on his desk, having lost his shoes sometime since Carisi last looked over. Carisi tried to read the same paragraph of a witness statement for the third time before tossing his folder in the general direction of the coffee table." Is this overkill? Perhaps. Not my problem.

The "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" Principle: If I'm on the fence about keeping or tossing a detail, I ask myself why I care about that detail. If I can't come up with a decent reason, then I pitch it. To use the last example: "The midday sun was cutting harsh stripes of light across Barba's desk [time of day], and the air conditioning unit was giving a half-hearted performance [it's hot]. Barba's desk was a rich mahogany, and there were two chairs across from him. They'd long since shed their jackets and vests, ties loosened and sleeves rolled up [they're so hot that they're a little undone]. Barba was wearing a blue shirt and green tie, while Carisi was wearing a white shirt and gray tie. Carisi sprawled across Barba's couch, while Barba had kicked his feet up on his desk, having lost his shoes sometime since Carisi last looked over [it's a lazy sort of heat]. The leather couch probably cost more than Sonny's rent. Carisi tried to read the same paragraph of a witness statement for the third time before tossing his folder in the general direction of the coffee table [they aren't getting any work done and it's too hot to care]."

Similes are out, metaphors are in: A metaphor almost always gut-punches me more than a simile. I literally just say that A is B, rather than A is like B. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, so I just follow my heart. Some out-of-context examples: - Rafael Barba was nothing if not a self-serving martyr, a savior who couldn’t resist the sound of his own crucifixion.�� - What a small price to pay, Sonny thought, when he was moonlight touching the ocean. - Rafael was a storm chaser, and being with Sonny was like standing in tornado country. (it's a halfsie, shhh) - Rafael cut himself off, not wanting to show his cards, but knowing it was time for him to either go all in or fold.

If someone does something bad/bizarre/out of character, ponder on why: I once heard a critic say, "Every time a character does something baffling, we can't just throw up our hands and say 'bitches be crazy.'" Sometimes the narrative takes care of it if the bad/weird decision is part of the plot itself, but sometimes it's just a single moment. One way I deal with this is by suggesting things that might drive that bad/weird decision (especially if the characters themselves aren't exactly sure why they're doing what they're doing). Some examples (with a little context explaining why they're bad/weird): - Maybe it was in his blood, this desperate faith in destiny. Or maybe it was just that he had spent so long being alone that the promise of someone made for him had become too seductive to resist. ^^^ (Barba wants to find his soulmate even though his job and parents' bad relationship makes him logically aware that it doesn't always end well) - She moved her hand to cup his face. He couldn’t help but lean into her warmth, maybe because of the bite of the autumn breeze, or maybe because it was the same warmth that once flowed through Sonny’s veins. ^^^ (Rafael leaning in to Sonny's nonna's touch at Sonny's funeral, even though he doesn't know her) - Sonny came equipped with anatomical features Rafael hadn't requested, and didn’t want to look at. Maybe it was an occupational hazard, or maybe he just wasn’t as modern as he pretended to be.  ^^^ (Um... Rafael orders a Sonny robot and he mistakenly comes with sex upgrades that make Rafael uncomfortable even though it's totally normal in this universe)

Write from the POV of one character: I believe that @margoblack taught me that this is called "third person limited POV." I do this (sometimes, not always) for a couple of reasons. First, as a reader, it can get tedious (in my OPINION) to read multiple characters' thoughts and feelings at once, especially when there are multiple characters with the same pronouns—and especially especially if it's nonstop (i.e. within the same paragraph or sentence). As a writer, omniscient POV limits my use of pronouns because I have to constantly clear up which "he" I'm talking about. That usually results in 1) overusing their names into oblivion 2) using 'the detective/the attorney," "the taller man/the shorter man," "the other man," etc. which I personally don't jive with or 3) forcing the reader out of the story to go back and sort out who the hell was doing what. Second, me trying to write a bunch of characters' thoughts and feelings at the same time makes for a disjointed and confusing narrative. I try to avoid forcing the reader to have to backtrack to be able to follow the story.

Use suggestion as a way to keep the other characters from feeling flat when writing from a single POV: Speaking of POV, not having access to the other characters' emotions/decisions can make them feel flat. I use the same suggestion method I mentioned previously to sneak-attack dimension onto the NPCs and dolphins. Examples: - Rafael sank back into his seat with drugged-up relief at hearing maternal reassurance, or maybe just that the attention was back on Sonny. - Carmen found Sonny’s eyes, flicking to Rafael and back, biting her lip like they were sharing a private joke. - Barba was still smiling at him, not quite like he was laughing at him, but something adjacent, like he was delighted by Sonny’s floundering.  - The dolphins were especially active, maybe because they weren’t fighting a strong current tonight.

Writing accents is like a comedy skit with a song—it has to be good or it's bad: IN MY OPINION, reading accents can become grating really quickly and rip me out of the story. I trust readers to know what most characters sound like (bc this is fic) or otherwise trust them to be able to map voices onto the characters' dialogue based on something I mentioned once. For example, I trust the reader to do the rest if I said a character has a lisp or a Japanese accent or a toddler can't pronounce her R's yet. THAT SAID, I am not immune to Sonny's accent. But I try to keep any accents and other verbal variations to a minimum and in contexts where it makes sense. For example, I write out Sonny's accent sometimes when he's talking to his family or when he's joking around or emotional (I'm not a linguistic expert, but those are instances when my accent thickens). Examples: - “Ma,” Sonny cut in. “I was gettin’ there. Raf has kidney stones.”  - "Jesus, keep your voice down, Carlos’s mom is in the fuckin’ office," Sonny hissed. - "I'm trying to see about farm work. Any knowin’ who might need a hand for a couple days?" - "And Nonna, god, she'd be furious right now. Yellin' at me in Italian about how I'm doing everything wrong."

Write human beings: My #1 goal in writing—if I achieve literally nothing else—is for my characters to seem like they could be real people with feelings and personalities and backstories. Especially because I write the same handful of characters over and over, it gets grating to write the same 2-D traits from the show with zero expansion. Like, we get it—Rafael is biting and performative, Sonny is brash yet sensitive. Now do something with it—they don't need to live their whole lives having sex, talking about work, and making lawyer jokes. Add little human details: - Sonny telling Rafael to close his eyes before turning on the light in the morning - Rafael being irritated with a customer service person and having to remind himself to be nice, that it's not their fault - Sonny pressing a cold water bottle against Rafael's neck as he walks by to make him jump Stuttering and hesitating dialogue, interruptions, italics for emphasis: - "Okay," he said. "Okay. We're gonna... we're gonna deal with this. Later. For now, we're gonna put a pin in it, okay? Just... put a pin in it." - "I'm alone," she said, the words emerging between ragged breaths. "I have no one left. No family, no—" / "You have me," Rita interrupted. - Liv was probably rolling her eyes on the other end of the line. "He's willing to reopen the case if you can bring sufficient evidence." Callbacks to details that describe a real past: - Rafael tried to forget all the details Sonny's family would never know he’d accumulated. The color of Bella’s high school graduation dress. The name of the boyfriend that Gina brought home for Christmas in 2011. The fact that Bella liked ‘Bells’ and Teresa liked ‘Tess’ but Gina hated ‘Gigi.’  - Rita held Camila steady, rubbing firm circles on her back the way she had when Camila was a fussy baby. - Marlene's laugh was dry. "Honey, I've lived on this coast for fifty-six years, and I even remember most of ‘em. I've seen red tides that killed everything for miles. I've seen hurricanes that rearranged the entire shoreline in a couple of hours. A few dead sturgeons? Not exactly keeping me up at night." Jokes: People tease and joke around. Not every single line has to be significant to the narrative and not every joke has to be about their stupid fucking jobs. Be normal during sex: Without the characters having conversations or joking around during sex—or at LEAST having some compelling internal dialogue—it just turns into a stale blur of forgettable "oh yeah baby harder just like that you were made for me fuck yes fuck oh my god please fuck kiss me here touch me there hanky panky." Let characters have flaws: Mary Sue's and "I don't like that the show made X Character this way, so I just ignore it" aren't my favorite. I know it stems from writer turnover, but I tend to take the characters' inconsistencies in the show at face value—cognitive dissonance rather than "they would never do that." Rafael is an impulsive martyr and can be an asshole in a way that isn't endearing, Liv is a hypocrite who puts too much pressure on everyone else and has weird opinions about disabled people, Fin used to be homophobic and transphobic and now he's the poster child for absolving the fact that the show is copaganda, Sonny was an overcompensating douche who couldn't keep a girlfriend to save his life for a while and now he's a mid lawyer. In my OPINION, it's more fun to engage with imperfect characters who are layered and inconsistent, who yell sometimes and make tongue-in-cheek jokes and have opinions that I don't agree with.

Women are not allergens: Take or leave the rest, but for this one specifically, I am speaking directly to you, dear reader: if you want to write porn, write porn. If you want to write stories, write women. They are SURROUNDED by women—Rafael's mother and grandmother, Sonny's immediate family is canonically two-thirds women (plus two canon nieces), Liv and Amanda (and Jesse and Billie), Carmen, Rita Calhoun, Melinda Warner. OCs are also permitted to be women. Any variation of "It's kinda hard to write women when we write fic centering two men in a relationship" is um... let's call it a 'you' problem and not an 'us' problem.

Other things that just make writing fic more fun (that usually come with time): - Develop some 'things.' My things are Barisi pressing their foreheads together a lot and finding literally any excuse not to use a condom. - Make some OCs who show up as minor characters. I used to use the same names consistently for minor characters, but recently I've fleshed out Belle and Yasmin, who just pop in as things like nurses and Carmen's friends, and I now I look for excuses to use them. - Related, it's fun to make inside jokes, even if they're just for yourself. Reference your own headcanons, your friends' headcanons, other fics, other writers' names. MargoBlack, @chiazu, and @malevolent-muse especially reference other writers, and it's a nice way to connect and make writing feel less like a solitary activity. - It's cliche, but don't get caught up in the numbers game. Just write what you want to write. My favorite fic of mine is "1929 post-stock market collapse, pre-dust bowl farmer!carisi x former stockbroker!barba" AU, which—believe it or not—is not something the general public is itching to consume. - Also cliche, but leave kudos and comments. Nobody is getting paid for this shit in anything but encouragement. It's like a "pay what you can" event—no, you're not obligated to give anything, but you're kind of an asshole if you don't. And finally, if you read this whole post, please get your head checked. XOXO, Regina George

[taegularities]

I’m writing this for Rid 10 minutes after reading CMI 11 omg how dare Rid to play with my feelings like this 😭 I have so many favourite moments in this chapter okay lets go —

1. JK calling her baby constantly “Baby, babe, my baby, angel” yes im so weak for this shit🤯

2. Girlfriend - Boyfriend 🥳🥳🥳 fucking finally!!!

3. So so so proud of my baby oc standing up to her mum!! Bring it on! Though i hope down the story that they’ll reconcile!! Just like what cmi jk said, i think deep down her parents do love her. Its not just enough or maybe shown in different ways. Even parents and children irl have different love languages. But I want this to happen for them. I know they are at peace but having both their families by their side as they go through their relationship will be so reassuring and special ❤️

4. Mama Jeon 🥹 I feel like oc will get the love and comfort she craves from a mother from JK’s mum 😭 i already love her character!! And when Jk called her “Mama” I FREAKIN SWOONED

5. My favourite part of all this madness was the pregnancy scare. JK looking for her all over and his panic state, crying and his line “I’m gonna kill someone if I don’t find her..” oh my heart broke because he just wants to know she’s okay and she’s safe. It is sad truly that his first thought was he fucked up, when he didn’t. If I were JK, I would think its oc who did something wrong but I’m not wired like cmi JK, i have evil thoughts and trust issues 😐🤣

6. When oc said “You’ll leave me, because you’ll be mad.” I just wanna hug her so bad :( the trauma of people leaving and her experience of jk leaving her the first time 😭😭😭 my heart broke for the both of them tbh :((

7. I understand oc’s fear. Things are just looking up in both their careers and they are only starting their relationship. Not saying a baby is unwanted and will jeopardise what they have atm, but the arrival of a little one will surely change some things. BUT I WANT A LITTLE ONE SOON! A mini oc to give jk a heart attack 😌😌

8. The way jk reassured her - how you wrote jk seeing her face and he just rushed to her and hugged her without knowing what the heck was going on. 😢

9. “You’re not gonna leave me, right?” Yes this line again 😭😭

10. Eun as usual, BEST GIRL FRIEND AWARDEE OF THE YEAR 🍾🍾

11. “I love you.” “I love you, angel. Saying this isn’t enough, and I can’t word it anyhow else, but. I love you… I love you, fuck.” ENOUGH SAID. I said enough. 🥹🥹🥹🥹

We finally got the Gf-bf conversation and the I Love You!!! God knows how long I pestered Rid to finally give this to us!! Wohoo wohoo!! Week is complete!! Rid you’re the best ❤️ My favourite chapter yet. No kidding, my heart was beating so fast towards the end! Also the chapter beginning in smut?? Hello!! GIMME!!! 😋🙊

Rid i freaking love you. Mwah 💋

I said what I said, you’re not going anywhere! We’ll keep you here ❤️

the way i'd been looking for this ask bc it wouldn't show up and finally found it in my inbox on mobile 🤣 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR INCREDIBLY KIND WORDS.

now that they're warming up to that relationship (and have finally made the status of it official 🥺), she'll be hearing so many petnames from him!!! the baby and angel ones will always give me heart palpitations, but also munchkin.. </3 and yes!! we are the proudest!! she's inspiring bc she had the courage to do what a lot of people can't. and i want to hug her for standing up for herself and trying to make herself happy. but reconciliation, you say? that'd be wonderful, of course 🥺

EEHEHEHE mama jeon is the sweetest and we will definitely see more of her (and him calling her that 🤭). the ending was my favourite as well! from the moment he started looking for her till the very last sentence.. i cried a lot writing it :') so i'm super happy you enjoyed that bit, too!! oc worrying all the time, i know 😭 she needs the tightest hug!!! but yeah, her worries were why she didn't want to go home, like she was so terrified he might leave or make her leave bc yeah, they're young and as you said... a child would change a lot. but at least now she knows he'll be by her side, no matter what <3

ENOUGH SAID INDEED 🗣️ i know a lot of people were waiting for this and i really hope i put it into words well. it was such an important one. so so thrilled you loved this chapter (and that it's even become your favourite? AHHHH!!), and i appreciate your feedback so much 😭 hope you enjoy the next one just as much. i love you, and.. yes ahhh do keep me here hehe 🥹🤍

[pfreadsandwrites]

Kakashi NSFW Alphabet

18+ CONTENT AHEAD - NO MINORS - ANY MINORS CAUGHT INTERACTING WITH THIS POST WILL BE BLOCKED

Okay, attempt 2 - That’ll teach me to try ever posting from the mobile app. This is a rewrite from scratch and I’m way too tired to reread and see if it makes sense or if there are typos, it’s probably not a good thing this is longer than the original though.

No one asked for this, no one at all, and I know everyone’s done these but hey, it’s Kinktober, and you can never have too many Kakashi headcanons, right? Right? Right. I hope you enjoy these!! Goes without saying that these’ll be smutty. It’s also about 6.4k words. There is some real filth ahead, very nsfw, seriously, the thirst is so real. (I hate myself), so, this is 18+ only!

Also, I'm tagging @allthingskakashi​ because she asked me to (i really hope these aren’t disappointing)

Side note: This is all written from the view of an established relationship. I can kinda remember most of what I said, so these will be still be very long despite being a rewrite from scratch. Apologies for any rambles and tangents I might go on, since I was rewriting this, my brain got weird and tired, but I wanna take you through my thoughts. I’m also very concerned about keeping things in character and not self-indulgent/self-projecting of what the writer’s personally into so I won’t be doing that here... You’ll see what I mean as I go on. But I still wanna make it hot so i’ll try lol. I’m new to writing but I’m even newer to writing dirty stuff so i’ll try my best. And with this post goes my dignity

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Straight after sex is one of the rare times where Kakashi feels completely at ease and relaxed. He’s pensive, often quietly mulling over what you two have just been doing and trying to come to grips with it, his hands gently running through your hair or along your back. He’s probably at his most affectionate here too. Expect gentle, lazy caresses, little kisses here and there, soft, easy conversation. He might not always be the most talkative, but post-coitus is where you’ll most likely hear him say something earnest and romantic compared to other times. You’ve gotta understand, you’re a miracle, and you being in his arms is like heaven, but he can’t really believe it? But he’s also overwhelmed and tired to let it bother him too much, so he’s able to let his doubt and restraints go a little easier and just breathe. He feels safe, he feels at home and that’s a rare thing, so he’s really just happy to bask in the afterglow and the quietude of it all. It’s the safest, easiest thing in the world for the both of you.

If he’s been on the rougher side, he’ll definitely make sure you’re alright and be more gentle in comparison. and he’s generally more attentive than usual. He’s usually nice about cleaning you up, too, a gentleman lmao.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Kakashi quite likes his upper body, or his torso more generally. He’s lean and broad, but not in an overbearing or obvious way, and he really likes the reaction he gets when you actually do get to see him shirtless. He’s also a little sensitive on his back (and he doesn’t mind if you end up scratching it). But if you rub his shoulders or massage his back or chest, he’s putty in your hands.

When it comes to a partner? So the fandom seems to be consistent in thinking of Kakashi as an ass man, and I’m inclined to agree. He just loves to grab it, slap it, just look at it tbh or whatever, but even if you don’t think your ass is that great, there’s very high probability that he does anyway. But honestly I think he’d have a hard time picking a favourite part of your body.

Some other body parts he definitely loves that don’t get mentioned though: he just loves your waist and how it curves in and out into your hips. He’s mesmerised by it.

plz imagine Kakashi’s nice big hands running gently running along your waist while he thrusts into you deep and slow, your back arching and then they settle on your hips?

Also, he loooooves legs, how they feel wrapped around him, the soft thighs omg. When you wear stockings or heels or other things that accentuate them, ahajhfkaj have mercy on him. Also, wrists and ankles? They’re so pretty and delicate he’ll just grab them where he can. If you both are in some kinda position where he can, he’ll definitely give you lil ankle kisses. also wear an anklet to see him blush

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

So uh, I’m really doing this, huh?

Soooo hear me out. Kakashi’s diet is impeccable. I don’t take criticism here lmao, it’s been mentioned multiple times how much he hates deep fried stuff and sweets (yeah yeah he’s one of those weirdoes that enjoys healthy food most, Kakashi we get it) and he’s always feeding Naruto veggies (or trying to). My point? His cum would taste good, okay? Or at least, not strong or bad at all, very neutral if not good. (You have zero problems swallowing)

Also, he cums a pretty good amount. He tends to try and hold back his orgasm so when he does come it does build up. Coming inside you is his favourite, just the intimacy of it, of filling you like that.

But…. he’s pretty ashamed of it at first, but he does love coming on his partner. Whether it’s on your face (ughhhh when you lick up some of his cum around your mouth after a blowjob), or your breasts, or your back, or wherever tbh. He doesn’t know whether it’s the visuals, the eroticism of it or even a territorial aspect? He doesn’t wanna ponder it too much it’s just hot okay.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

So this one was hard… because, unpopular opinion, I don't see him as into anything too crazy or depraved?

But here’s what I came up with: he’s totally fucked in the Hokage’s office. It’s only a dirty secret because of how improper that is, how inappropriate it is that the man in charge of the whole village is having sex in the very epicentre of where he’s supposed to be doing that, when other Hokage have been in that room before him… but it’s also why he’s into it.

Also, he’ll die before he ever admits to you exactly how many times he’s jerked off to the thought of you. And after you got together into a pair of your panties when you were away and he missed you too much

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Short version: Kakashi’s not as experienced as you might think, but this doesn’t translate into lack of skill in any way.

The long version: Ahhh so I go back on forth on this but I’ma attempt to think this through here. Okay, so, fandom has generally two sides when it comes to Kakashi and this topic. He’s either the completely suave, smooth ladies’ man who has all the one night stands or on account of his issues he’s a passive, stuttering virgin who’s constantly flustered.

Neither of these are that accurate. So I do get ladies man Kakashi to a point. It comes from the fact that he is quite smooth? And women do seem to like him quite easily in the series. And Kakashi definitely has the capacity to be a charmer, and is quite good at flirting when his job requires it or it’s a stranger etc. He’s good at reading people and winning them over. This is more complicated when he’s faced with someone he’s attracted to, or that has the potential to mean something to him. He still might be charming, but he’s very good at using this to keep you further from him, so you can’t really get to know him or get close to him so it’s not quite the same. It’s his way of controlling the distance between you.

Now, when it comes to experience, I don’t think Kakashi’s incapable of using casual sex as some kind of a coping mechanism (it’s not the healthiest), but if he was going to do this, it’d be during the latter part of his ANBU years. I can see him having sex as just a means to forget and remember he’s alive, and quell an urge, with basically faceless partners, or maybe complete strangers on missions. This does make him feel even lonelier after a while though, and it’s not really what he wants. Eventually having sex with women he’ll never see again serves to make him more miserable, and I think by the time we see him at the beginning of the series he doesn’t really do this anymore. So I wouldn’t say he’s completely inexperienced sexually at least, though he definitely is romantically.

Generally after that, Kakashi’s gonna reserve sex for someone who he has a deep emotional and physical connection with, but God forbid he ever calls it what it is - a relationship. Basically, if he’s sleeping with you, he pretty much loves you whether he knows it or not. And if he’s comparing that to his past experiences, he really feels the difference and cherishes it all the more (but it still scares him and he won’t admit it to himself.

So here’s how I see it. There’s always been a sexual chemistry between him and you, and a physical and romantic attraction. But of course Kakashi is Kakashi so he does absolutely nothing about it and doesn’t want to let you do anything about it. Still, you’re surprisingly persistent, and you do become close to each other in a friendly capacity, in whatever way Kakashi’s able to participate in that. Eventually, ( I haven’t thought this through quite yet) you do end up fucking and Kakashi tries to convince himself that he can just do that, that he can keep up having great sex with a great friend and that you don’t mean the world to him. You try to do the same, for his benefit, but you’re in deep and neither of you can’t deny there’s a bond and your connection is so strong that you’re basically in a relationship - and you kinda are by the time you start having sex - but he doesn’t really have the balls to actually call it that till after the 4th shinobi war. (I have some thoughts about how the war impacted Kakashi’s psychology but it’s generally then when he’ll genuinely feel comfortable enough to fully commit himself to you and see a future for himself, which he’s never really had before, and a future with you to boot).

To bring it back to this (I’m sorry what a fucking tangent), Kakashi’s maybe not had sex with a large amount of women, but he’s a quick learner and has natural skill. He also learns your body and what you like quickly. So whilst he’s not as experienced as he seems, he’s definitely more skilled than he has any right to be.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

When it comes to positions there’s very little he wouldn’t enjoy tbh. He does have an affinity for positions like doggy style, just the visuals and the power it gives him. It’s easy for him to get a bit carried away though, but that’s his go to when he’s feeling rougher.

When it’s more romantic and slow and sensual, he also loves variations of missionary, because he loves the intimacy of the eye contact, and how your body is so close he can hear your heartbeat but his absolute favourite positions are missionary variations where your legs are on his shoulders, or where he’s spreading your thighs as perpendicular as possible and really testing your flexibility are probably his favourite cuz legs, and he can go even deeper and get an amazing angle.

But he definitely likes it when you ride him too, whether you’re facing him or away, it just feels too good when you’re bouncing on him like that. Also it’s nice to relax a bit and not have to do more of the work… plz take care of him from time to time…

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He definitely has the capacity to be a fucking dork, as we know, and this has the potential to translate to his sex life. It’s a sign of complete ease if he can laugh and joke with you during, and he loves to have fun and play around with you, but at the same time, he does prefer to be serious most of the time. This means a lot to him and he’ll make sure you know that. He’s also gonna get a bit exasperated if you don’t seem to be taking it as seriously as him, or if you’re too into jokes and giggles for his liking that day. Probably will try and shut you up one way or another.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

(Ughh okay so the idea of Kakashi with a silver happy trail leading to a messy shockwave of hair down there really does things to me okay, I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out)

Okay so… Have you seen how Kakashi manages his hair? Spoiler alert: he doesn’t. I don’t even know if this man owns a hairbrush. So I can definitely see him not being assed about shaving his bush. It’s probably kind of wild, or at the very least more on the unkempt side.

But then again he’s assed enough to keep his face clean shaven so he can wear his mask, so maybe he does, like I do head canon that he’s a very clean person and he probably feels like it is a *bit* cleaner that way but I’m leaning towards nah he just leaves it alone, but will trim it from time to time when it gets too wild or if it bothers you. I do think he probably has slightly more body hair than you’d expect tbh, but his hair is so light especially against his complexion so it’s not really noticeable. Oh and obviously, the carpet matches the drapes. (Idk why this made me imagine Kakashi with a ginger bush..  LMAO there’s a thought)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It does depend on the mood between you, what kinda day he’s had, what position you’re in etc but he places a lot of value on sex in your relationship, for the intimacy and emotional bonding, not just the physical pleasure. So there are a lot of times where he’d be super intimate. Kakashi’s a man who chooses his words and actions very carefully in normal life and during sex he allows himself to let all that go. His actions really convey the depth of what you mean to him, what being with you like this means to him. He’ll hold you close to him, running his hands all over your body just to feel you everywhere, kiss you everywhere you can whilst he moves, bury his face into your neck, breathe you in - he just is very overwhelmed by this and there are times during your most intimate moments where he’s so in awe and so happy that he could die right there.

That being said, if he’s fucking you over his desk in the hokage’s office and it’s rough and fast, it’s a little harder to feel the intimacy and the romantic connection. Still, it is underlying every moment between you too. You’re the only ones that see these sides of each other, and make each other feel that way, and he really values that. He’ll still make it feel tender somehow and not just mindless fucking (no matter how blank he makes your head feel)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I don’t see him as being a particularly frequent masturbator tbh. He strikes me as disciplined and he can probably go a while without it, especially if he’s busy, but more than just that, he kinda sees it as an inconvenience he just has to do sometimes? To blow off some steam, or when he’s not had sex in a while or something got his mind racing and it’s a distraction because he literally can’t think about anything else. He’ll probably use his books, but he prefers to use his imagination tbh, though the books can start as a seed for that.

He also doesn’t like having to put too much effort into jerking himself off? He doesn’t like to overcomplicate things when it comes to his sex life, and especially when it’s just jacking off.

He just kinda wants to get it done so he can move on to something more productive or fall asleep or something. So he’s just happy to pump himself off until he gets there.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Okay here’s where I’m gonna lose some of you.

Kakashi’s just not that kinky. Or maybe not kinky by tumblr/fic standards. Like I said in the previous head canon, he just does not see the appeal of making his sex life more complicated than it needs to be and his kinks aren’t gonna be too crazy. He just wants to feel good with you and he’s not that difficult to get going. With that in mind, here are some things he likes:

Spanking ;)

Teasing

Face-fucking

Dirty Talk (to a point, anything too stupid sounding or too dirty might make him laugh or take him out of it…)

clothed sex (where you are so horny for each other you can’t even wait to get undressed properly)

semi-public sex (he would hate the idea of actually being seen but the idea of *almost* being caught is kinda hot to him, not that he’ll ever let that happen if he can help it),

body worship (is that a kink)

LIGHT dom (I’ll mention it more later but he’s not too extreme into this stuff, but if you call him Hokage-sama or captain he might get a little too into it… not that that’s bad) I heard someone call him general during the war arc and that shit SENT me

he maaaay do a a threesome with shadow clones (either two of his if you want that, but two of you seem kinda hot… that being said, this might delve into that ‘making things too complicated’ so Idk, this might just be hot to me cuz I would like two Kakashis to rail me and I do think he’d enjoy it if two of you focused on him),

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bed is fine but that’s really what he associates with either morning sex, or romantic, intimate lovemaking type stuff. When it’s more raunchy and playful, he really likes bending you over stuff tbh, his desk, kitchen counter etc most surfaces work well. He likes the shower too. Also, one time you both were just so hot for each other and didn’t make it to the bed and went at it on the hard floor and it was so wild and rough.

But he really loves fucking you up against walls, doors, mirrors, etc, Wall is his favourite, it’s just so intense and he gets animalistic and yeah it’s so good.

WAIT, how did I forget, sex in front of the mirror?! This is something he enjoys more with a more flustered or shy s/o who’s not used to looking at themselves. I have been thinking about writing something for this

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Kakashi’s more on the traditional side in terms of what he likes but it’s really not that hard to turn him on. He loooooveeees when you wear lingerie for him, anything pretty and lacy but also stockings and all that. But then there’s something about when it’s simplistic too, like when you’re just wearing his shirt and nothing else? That’ll get him going too. But yeah, plz surprise him with a sexy outfit when he comes home from a long day of work and he’ll love you 5ever.

I dunno why I’ve always thought this, but I also think he’s turned on by subtle, understated signs of femininity? It’s just such a contrast to what he’s used to and he really appreciates it and is just mesmerised by you tbh. It’s things that are natural, the way when you sit down your hips get that crease where they meet your thighs, you might sometimes look down when you smile softly, the way you walk, pretty hair. If you have a really classical, elegant/sophisticated kind of style he loves that. Kinda hard to explain what I mean with that but like, say a dress or skirt that shows off your curves but isn’t too revealing? It really gets his mind racing. That make sense? (No worries if that’s not your style either, like I say, it’s not that hard to turn him on) But I also think he kinda likes when you wear jewellery? Like nothing too ostentatious but if you’re naked beneath him and the only thing you’re wearing is a necklace or some fancy earrings he just thinks you look so beautiful.

He also likes the comfortable, gentle teasing and flirting in the conversations you have, the jovial aspect to them, the connotations they carry. You could say one comment and not mean a whole lot by it and it might get his mind racing. He’ll think about you all day.

I mentioned before but offering to massage his back/chest/shoulders is his favourite, and if you kiss his jawline or neck even innocently it might not be innocent for very long ;) just when you’re generally affectionate and gentle with him.

He’d definitely enjoy it if you were confident, but I also feel like he’d like a shyer s/o too? If you were a little easier to fluster than he is, he finds it much easier to be confident and make you feel that much better ;) he likes making you blush.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Okay, here’s where I’m definitely gonna lose some of you. But hang with me.

Short version: He doesn’t really like BDSM, be nice to him and let him be

Long version (I’m sorry guys):

By the time Kakashi’s in a loving relationship with you, he’s shown you his vulnerability and he trusts you, and he’s happy to try things within reason, but he has boundaries. And he expects you to respect them, just like he respects yours. You’re gonna frustrate him and make him close off if you’re wanting to push him to try new stuff or go out of his comfort zone. He can be set in his ways. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to. So if that’s not cool for you, that’s a turn-off.

He’s not into role-reversal. This is a tricky one to explain (and I’d explained it better in my first version of this that got lost to the void but alas this is where my memory is getting hazy), but though he’s a man with a lot of power and responsibility and control, these things aren’t necessarily things he’s insecure about or that come unnaturally to him. They’re not a persona or things he’s necessarily putting a lot of effort into being. He just is. He’s self-aware of his own abilities and strengths and he’s very a-matter-of-fact about them. I guess what I’m saying is, the more masculine attributes of his personality and demeanour that make some people say he’s DaddyAF and others say he’s probably not like that sexually, are just who he is naturally. He’s not putting effort into being these things and does not see the appeal of working to reverse this in the bedroom, or better yet, doesn’t really understand it. It’s way more effort for him to do that than it is for him to just be who he is. I could go way more into the psychology of this but this thing is long enough already but part of that accepting him for who he is is just letting him be. I’m saying he’s in no way a sub, basically.

But he’s not a huge dom, either. He’s actually really not into anything hardcore when it comes to dom/sub or bdsm stuff like at all. Like he’s not gonna be your daddy or your master or anything like that. He really values ease above all else and is happy to just enjoy the two of you and your body without adding extra layers of extreme power dynamics and kinks on top of it. He’s happy to be more on the authoritative side, which is why I say light dom, and it’s more natural for him to take the lead, but he’s not thinking about it too hard. I also don’t think he’d be averse to some mild power play - in that mean he likes it when you get a little cheeky, tease him, you can make fun of him, there’s a bit of cat and mouse between you, but if you’re too much into control or power that actually might bring out his rougher dominant side a bit more than normal. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not incapable of lying back and letting you do your thing.

…But he is still a bit of a control freak at heart and he doesn’t want to feel like something could go wrong, so if you make him feel like he can’t do anything about the situation or having no control at all is likely gonna be a bad experience for him.The other thing is that Kakashi doesn’t feel like he’s had control over his life where it counts, and he still feels pretty shitty about himself a lot. He’s not gonna wanna relinquish all control during his sex life, no matter how much he trusts you. He’d hate feeling completely passive, and if you humiliate him you’re just gonna make him feel shitty. He doesn’t wanna humiliate you either. So what I’m saying is, he’s just not into femdom or extreme male sub stuff or anything like that, sorry not sorry. He’s felt shitty enough in his life for you to turn it into a kink. He’s a pretty chill guy, but he still has his comfort zone, and he trusts you enough to be vulnerable, don’t take advantage of that. Be kind to Kakashi Hatake 2020.

With everything I’ve said so far, he’s never gonna let you peg him. It’s not something that really appeals to him visually or psychologically, plus any kind of receiving anal stimulation is just not really his thing. Leave Kakashi Hatake’s asshole alone 2020. Also, he doesn’t like the plastic/artificialness of toys in general, he’d much rather genuine skin on skin contact and feeling your body and you his, and just yeah you having to use toys on him will turn him off or seeing you in a way, that’s you know, not you, with an artificial appendage is just, a big no for him. Probably has the exact opposite effect you’d want. 

He’d also never wanna hurt you, or be into you hurting him. If it doesn’t trigger his PTSD or his tendency to self-loathe like all the other things I mentioned, he’s been getting hurt his whole life so he’s likely not gonna enjoy this in the bedroom, it’s either banal to him or a complete turn-off at the least. He’s self-aware enough to know it’s not gonna be the healthiest thing for him to sexualise it. He’s also hurt too many people to do something that could potentially hurt you, so no weapons, ninja techniques, things like that. I don’t think he’d even be into choking you. He just wants to relax, and enjoy himself and being with you in a way where he can feel safe, but not passive, and he loves having a partner that can allow him to do that.

So a partner being too dominant to the point of making him feel shitty and weak would be a turn-off, or just generally one that’s impatient or unkind. You’ll need to be empathetic and warm to get anywhere with him anyway, or at least you’ll struggle otherwise. Also, he wouldn’t ever want a threesome. It’s taken so much out of him to build up trust and intimacy between you, he’s sure that introducing another person, even if it’s only a one time thing, would ruin it. He also doesn’t want anyone other than you to see him in that way, or vice versa.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

So I don’t know why but I feel like Kakashi sees eating you out as such a special, intimate act? It’s a big deal, and this is something he probably wouldn’t do with someone he doesn’t have a strong connection to, or not as much. But when he does love you, your responses and the whole act are just mesmerising to him. Maybe it’s how vulnerable delicate you seem, how your moans are more gentle and delicate compared to when he’s fucking you, how he’s up and close against your most private parts, how he’s the only one that sees you like this… It really gets him going tbh, but it also takes a lot out of him? It just ends up meaning more to him than a blowjob might mean to you. So he might actually end up receiving more than he gives, despite the fact that he enjoys it and is very good at it. I don’t mind I’ll suck his dick 25/8

Like most men, he’ll be putty in your hands if you give him a good blowjob. It’s one of those things that never cease to amaze him or drive him crazy, no matter how many times you’ve done it, the sight of you on your knees, sucking him down. He’ll feel guilty but he face-fucks you sometimes, and it feels amazing, but he honestly might let himself get carried away. So he’ll sometimes grab your hair or clench his fist instead, otherwise he’ll just try to gently guide your ahead along sometimes. His moans during blowjobs are also damn hot as well. Like guttural groans and moans, he’s louder than normal.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends with Kakashi! Whether it’s a quickie, the position, where you’re doing it. He has a penchant for slow and sensual though. He wants to savour you, the sensation, the moment, the sights, everything. He really wants to bask in the intimacy of what’s going on and go as deep as he can and take his time. He likes taking it easy.

But there’s always gonna be moments where he can be pretty damn animalistic and rough and he’s pretty good with that too. Though, where he has the time to do so, he likes to build up to it? Occasionally he’ll be too pent up/frustrated or too short on time to really do it but like if time and space allows he doesn’t wanna start ramming into you like right away, he wants you to adjust, and will slowly fuck you until you’re really want it as crazily as he does.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He likes a good quickie, or rather, they’re his only option sometimes. He’s a busy guy who can’t always plan his schedule, and this goes tenfold when he becomes Hokage. So whilst his favourite will also be something longer where he can take his time and enjoy your body, you’re gonna have to accept that there will be periods where all you’ll get is quickies in his office, or in the morning before he has to leave.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

So despite all that stuff I listed about all the things he won’t do, he’s willing to try a lot of stuff with you. He does enjoy experimenting and he thinks it’s fun and brings you guys closer together, but within reason. He doesn’t wanna do anything too complicated or too strange by his standards, but he’ll be up for new locations, new positions, and he is risky in the sense that he won’t mind doing some stuff in public, or semi-public at least.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

So it’s definitely better when he doesn’t have his sharingan constantly sapping his energy anymore, but not to the point that you really noticed there being a problem before. He just puts a lot of effort and concentration into not cumming before you, and he’s pretty good at that. Depending on how pent up he is, he can last a decent amount of time. But if he has lasted quite a long time, when he finally does cum, he might not be in the mood to go again.

I see him going for like, one short round and one long one. Or if it’s shorter his recovery time’s pretty decent. But if you get ever happen to get three or more rounds of him in one go you should definitely praise him or take care of him cuz that’s pretty difficult and his dick might be broken for the next few days.

The only time his ability to hold back his orgasm goes to shit is when you’re having his way with him by riding him or sucking him off. You’re just too good have mercy on him But he’s better able to control that stuff and slow down and take breaks when he needs to when he’s the one leading things.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Nah, this harkens back to the whole thing about him not wanting to overcomplicate things and just have fun without thinking too much. He can’t be assed with toys and won’t use them on himself. I also mentioned earlier that he doesn’t like the fakeness/artificiality of toys, just the gimmicky-ness of it, the plastics... Nah. He wants to feel something real. Besides it’s canon how crazy this man’s physical skill is, his hands, his fingers… He’s completely satisfied with just his hands. And you are too

If it means a lot to you, he can use toys on you. But let’s be honest I really don’t think you’ll feel the need.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Kakashi is a little shit, we all know this. He loves to tease and edge, and he just loves seeing how frustrated you get, your scolding, knowing that you still can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, your annoyed little whines and huffs… But he always more than makes up for it later.

He is so bad at receiving teasing though, he cannot withstand as much as you can, which is lame, considering how much he can put you through.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not that loud, though there are times he can be. When he’s getting close to cumming, when he finally does are probably his loudest. But generally, his noises are so so nice. He makes soft little grunts and pants mostly, but he’ll growl and groan, whisper your name.. But sometimes you can get a semi-loud moan out of hiim and omg it’s so so hot.

He’s a little louder when he’s tired, or first thing in the morning? He’s more sensitive. When he’s not having to concentrate so much or think too much about what’s going on, he’ll get a little louder. He’s also louder when you’re riding him than in other positions.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You know what I’ve gone in so deep with this head canons that I can’t think of a random one and I can’t remember what I wrote yesterday.

So Kakashi really appreciates just physical contact with you, wherever it might be. It doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual either but it makes him feel at ease. I said this already too, but Kakashi loves the comfort of just being vanilla. Nothing special, nothing elaborate, no gimmicks, just him on top of you, with your legs around his hips, as he drives into you. It’s literally just you and him in the world and that’s all there needs to be and nothing’s ever felt more right than that.  

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It’s canon Kakashi is big need I say more. Okay I’ll say more. So it’s pretty long and thick. It’s not like monster huge but he’ll definitely take some adjusting. Probs uncut, and the same girth all the way down. Also kinda veiny, there’s some big ones on the underside. You’ll definitely feel him throb inside you.  But his body is nice too, but we been knowing that. He’s lean, and muscular, but in an understated way. He also has really nice legs? Like his thighs are good. The only time I saw his legs was in ep 101 of og Naruto but I was very pleased tbh. Like they’re well-trained but not crazy muscular like those men who work out a lot get… do you know what I mean? The round calves and stuff? He doesn’t have that. He also has a very nice ass. Gets flustered if you stare at it or slap it. Please do though his reaction is so cute.

Anyways, back to his dick, the colour is slightly darker than the rest of his body and the tip a tad darker than that. I remember seeing a picture on twitter and omg I couldn’t like it cuz I need some semblance of keeping my twitter professional but omg I saved the link, this is it though, the artist gets him perfectly.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s high but nothing ridiculous. He’s controlled enough where he can go a while without it, but this is harder once he has a partner.

Once you guys have settled into each other and grown comfortable, he’s probably up for it 3-4 times a week, but depends on you and both of your schedules too. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes less.  But he’s a busy guy and has tons of things going on so as much as he’d like to, he can’t think about having sex extremely frequently. He’s also gonna have periods where he physically can’t see you that much, so the times you do see each other might be spent having sex so it might feel like it’s crazy high, but it’s more that he’s making up for lost time.

As he gets older his sex drive does decrease slightly, but not by much tbh. He’s very adaptable to your needs too. If you wanna fuck a lot that’s all great but if it’s like twice a day every day then calm down dang you might need to satisfy yourself. But if yours is a lot lower than is, he might struggle, but eh, he can manage.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sex definitely depletes him and makes it easy to sleep, but he’ll normally wait for you to fall asleep. It’s a control thing and a protective thing, but he just feels a lot better about sleeping once you’re already there dozing off in his arms, and after sex is one of the rare times where he feels relaxed enough and his mind is empty enough where he can get a good night’s rest without any issues.  

[jerepars]

Ape Dos Mil Extended Chapter Notes

6 / 9 Pure Love

Hyperlinks appear in blue (underlined on mobile and the dashboard). The story is posted here. Direct link to this chapter is here.

As it turned out, when James had to go dark for 48 hours, it pushed Teresa deeper into the cave. James sat in a hotel room on the other side of town while Teresa bought a hotel. James looked into Isidro Navarro while Teresa got ready to make her pitch to the guy and expand her business to Europe. While she dined, James was on the wrong side of the day.

When I first introduced lyrics from Glassjaw’s “Ape Dos Mil” into the story in the second chapter, I mentioned it was the lyrics and mood of the song overall that inspired the story. This paragraph is borrows from the main verse of the song:

Yeah, it's over You can bet in mid October I will still be ranting 'bout most early May Yeah, he's a winner He's a goddamn sinner While he dines I'm on the wrong side of the day And I said, "I don't understand why I'm fumbling after" You're the reason i cannot forget this season Or the letter when you first referred to it

She was going to go her own way, make all the deals, gain more more more. James had to be down for that not just because he was in love with her, but because he had a higher purpose—thanks to the universe—when it came to Teresa. But James wished she didn’t go around ignoring all the signs of danger. He wished she didn’t walk around like nobody was going to break her heart or like she could elude death. Hadn’t she learned, losing Tony, that the #1 special on the menu in the underworld was breaking hearts, one way or another?

There’s a Mac Miller song, “My Favorite Part” with these words: You walk around so clueless to it all. Like nobody gonna break your heart. It'll be alright babe, see, me, I got you covered. I'm gon' be your lover, you might be the one.

So the line in the paragraph about queenpin Teresa walking around like nobody was going to break her heart is a reference to that. There’s also a line in the song that goes, The universe couldn’t keep us apart--why would it even try? Very soulmate-y but different in that for Jeresa it is because of the universe they are soulmates.

But nothing moved Teresa. She didn’t let up. She wasn’t going to confess to using, since she was going out of her way to hide it. She didn’t own up to the responsibility of being targeted and putting them all in danger unnecessarily because she had to have Europe.

The first line of this paragraph is sort of a reference to the album Still Nothing Moves You by Ceremony.

Teresa was screaming, to feel the pressure in her throat, to drown out the noise in her head, when she took to the neatly pressed blazers along the back of the closet. She ripped as many off the hangers as would go, letting the different shades of white pool at her feet on the carpet. The jewelry station was next—earrings, necklaces, and rings ripping into her hands before she decided there were too many for a few handfuls, picking up the entire velvet drawer insert tray and dumping it to the side, fully enraged.

When she swung her arm around, Teresa caught a glimpse of herself in the full-length three-way mirror. Her breath caught in her throat. She saw herself, and there, over her shoulder, was herself—the girl from Culiacán.

“You forgot the most important thing is survival. You have to get out of here,” the girl pleaded. “You have to go. Run.”

So, uh, I changed a lot from canon. In 5x07, the scene cuts soon after Teresa yells “Fuuuuuuuuuck!” and throws her phone. In the next scene of Teresa, she’s in the sitting area of her room doing coke, and when she looks up at the mirror across from her, that’s when she seems old Teresa in flannel. 

I had this scene planned out in my head before 5x07 aired and I always thought, when Teresa found out Boaz killed George, she would react violently and destroy her closet. So here in the story, Teresa is still inside her closet when old Teresa shows up.

“I’m not leaving without them,” Teresa told off the girl standing behind her in the too big flannel.

A reply never came but when Teresa looked back in the mirror, the girl was still standing there with terror in her eyes.

“I’m not leaving,” Teresa vowed.

The girl watched her. Teresa closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. It was the cocaine talking, the two big hits she’d taken while already upset. She knew that. But the girl remained, watching Teresa in silence.

In 5x07, Teresa has this conversation with Avi. But if she’s shut herself in her closet, then this conversation becomes a face-off with her former self. I think I like that better, actually. 

It also eliminates the whole exchange with Avi saying James ordered for the plane to be ready and that Teresa should get out of the country immediately. After everything they’ve been through I don’t buy that James would take it upon himself to make that decision for her, regardless of how worried and protective he is. Sorry not sorry, canon, but that just doesn’t make sense for these characters.

Teresa wasn’t sure if she sat there for minutes or hours. She paid no attention to how much light was streaming in through the window. In silence, the tears flowed and brought her back down to earth. She only knew a significant amount of time had passed when the white noise stopped ringing in her ears and a familiar burning feeling took hold in her chest.

That was the universe’s doing. It meant James was back.

She heard indistinct chatter from outside the closet in the main room. She listened closer. There was James’ gravelly voice, then a pause, followed by Pote, low and gruff. They exchanged words and then came a third voice, higher in pitch with a familiar Texas Southern drawl—Kelly Anne.

Teresa sighed. They were back. She’d never been so thankful for the hurt in her chest.

More changes to canon. James gets to Kelly Anne and Pote before Boaz and makes sure they get back to the safe house.

Here’s the thing. I hate the whole kidnapping plot of 5x08 and think it’s unnecessary. Much of the episode is spent on Pote grunting and yelling nonsensically, making lame threats. And what happens? Pote doesn’t save the day. Kelly Anne saves herself. I haven’t even mentioned the fact that Teresa calls Boaz and tells him she’ll give him the business (and she was not bluffing, by the way) as long as he lets Kelly Anne go. 

Omg. The action of 5x08 is fine. We get to see James in green. But the actual story...the plot of it...what the fuck is the point? The majority of the episode is wasted on Kote (the season is pretty much #Kote of the South at this point) when really it should focus on Teresa, and on the Castel/Devon/Kostya stuff. 

So yeah. I said hell no, unlike canon I refuse to let Kote take over in my story. The queenpin storyline gets abandoned completely in canon with no proper resolution for how Teresa gets back to herself. It’s like she goes from the queenpin, caring about nothing but the business, then suddenly remembers her true personality and is the old Teresa again.

And for what? All because of the kidnapping plot? No. Just no. I couldn’t do it.

Eliminating the KA’s kidnapping doesn’t eliminate the Boaz problem or the Kostya problem or the Devon problem. So I axed it.

She’d said the same less than a week ago in Berlin, looking over the city skyline. But this time it had no bite and sting.

There’s a song by Defeater called “The Bite and Sting” and the phrase in the second sentence above comes from that title. If for whatever reason you decide to listen to it, there’s a line in the song that goes We ain’t seen no Germans for days, because Defeater’s music is conceptual and tells interrelated stories over the span of their albums. The EP that “The Bite and Sting” is on, Lost Ground, is about a black WWII veteran. The song is about being in the war and that’s why the line I mentioned is there. Kind of ironic, because I was not thinking about the fact that Teresa said to James “say it” while they were in Germany.

Anyway, that was a longwinded explanation just to say: the context of the reference and the way the phrase is used in the sentence are not related.

Self-preservation had always been key for James’ survival, and over and over he threw it away for her. So his words hurt because they were honest, because they pointed out the mistakes she’d made when it came to him. But Teresa admired James for standing up for himself and showing his backbone. He was there for her—they were in this together—but he wouldn’t allow himself to be used. She had to prove herself, to somehow make amends. And she loved him for it, to be given the opportunity.

Because beyond striking the balance with herself, Teresa knew that if she wanted the pure love only soulmates who were lucky enough to find each other and chose to be together could have—not just tough love—then the days of shutting James out had to come to an end as well.

In the notes for Good Luck/Bad Days (a completely separate and unrelated story) I mentioned that one of the songs I ended up referencing, “Pure Love” by Hayley Williams was actually meant to be used in this story. I think pieces of the song fit better lyrically in Good Luck/Bad Days, but conceptually (are those different? I feel like they are different) it fits better here. So. That’s where the chapter title comes from.

[purplesurveys]

1114

survey by dishwallafied

WHO was the last person...

you spoke to, in person? I think it was my sister, like earlier at 1 AM. She was the last person apart from me to head upstairs for bed.

you called? I tried calling our internet service provider’s hotline to inquire about our lost connection last weekend, but all I got was a useless automated message saying they’re on top of all concerns and will be addressing ours soon, which did not make any fucking sense because I didn’t get to report my issue anyway. Their social media was virtually useless too, and my dad had to physically go to one of their offices last Monday to settle the issue.

that called you? My phone’s not near me at the moment (omg a rarity) but it was the delivery person for Reggy’s croissants. GPS has always hated our street and has never been able to identify it, so whenever anyone in the family makes a purchase for delivery we’re bound to get a call or two from the rider assigned to our order to ask for directions.

you texted? It was the same delivery guy. He had tried to call me but I was in a meeting that I couldn’t get out of, so I explained to him I could only text. I also gave him a Waze link containing the exact positioning of our house so that he could set it up on his phone.

that sent you a text? I think it was just my mobile services provider sending out some random promotional text. Idk, I never open those.

you kissed? Gabie.

that kissed you? Also her. I don’t plan on kissing anyone new any time soon.

you yelled at? I haven’t recently been in a situation where I’ve had to yell at anyone...I do slightly raise my voice a lot on video call meetings just so I’m sure everybody on the call can hear me. That’s the closest I’ve got.

that yelled at you? My mom, when she was being a real drama queen about MY money a couple of weeks ago.

you watched a movie with? I watched it by myself, but I remember calling my ex for comfort because the movie was a little scary and creepy. I also remember how bothered she sounded that I was calling her, as if I was a huge burden, so...there’s that. Y’all do me a favor and be with someone who gets delighted when you call instead of making you feel like you’re a waste of space okie?? Good

you ate dinner with? My family. My dad laksa for dinner, which was perfect because I had been watching 2 Days 1 Night yesterday and the cast members kept eating ramyeon, which made me develop a serious craving for noodles all day.

you were in a photo with? I think it had been a family selfie. My family and I were about to leave the accommodation we stayed at in Tagaytay, and my mom wanted a final photo in the living room before we stepped out.

you took a photo of? My employer sent out heart-shaped red velvet cakes for all of us for Valentine’s Day, so I took a photo of it with Cooper in the background to share to the work group chat. I definitely did not expect any goodie sendout considering I never viewed Valentine’s as a special day even when I was still in a relationship, so it was a nice surprise to receive. 

you went to a concert with? Oh my Paramore show was a solo date. Gabie did come to the arena with me and I also drove Denise, Erycka, and Leigh, but the three of them settled for a different section somewhere farther out given how they already did VIP seats for Paramore’s previous concert in 2013. It was my turn to have a front-row seat and since I didn’t know anyone who was as big of a fan as I was or was willing to shell out ₱7,000 for a VIP seat, I went by myself.

you lied to? I think it was Bea, my manager? She scheduled a quick call last Tuesday just to do a check-in with me, and she was asking how I was. Of course I had to tell her I was doing fine, which is never completely true for a lot of people, I think. I didn’t want her to ask me to open up anyway, so saying I was fine was the easy way to go.

you invited somewhere? I recently saw a music clip of a certain song that’s played a lot in bars, so I tagged my entire college barkada telling them we should go back to TK soon, at least when the lockdown and the pandemic subside considerably.

you dated? Gabie.

you dumped? It worked the other way around.

you rejected? I mean, I guess I technically rejected the girl Mik told me was interested in me. We never met since Mik refused to tell me her name or show a photo, but I informed him I wasn’t planning on talking with anyone soon so she can stop thinking I’m available.

you held hands with? Angela.

you hugged? Andi, before they got out of my car since we were parting ways for the evening.

you let cry on your shoulder? This hasn’t happened in a very long time. Most likely Gabie, but this would’ve been around at the start of 2020 when we could still see each other regularly.

that let you cry on their shoulder? Figuratively, Angela and Andi.

you bought a gift for? I got a weekend accommodation for my family, but it was really meant for my dad for his 50th birthday.

you wished a happy birthday? Hans.

that disappointed you? I was more annoyed than disappointed, but it was some random Fil-Am who was being ignorant at the Subtle Filipino Traits Facebook group. That community gives me a huge migraine most days because of Fil-Ams who continue to romanticize the ~beauty~ of the country whilst completely ignoring the socio-political trainwreck here, but the group is kind of the place to be for Filipinos so I can’t see myself leaving it either.

that stayed over at your place? They didn’t stay over for the night but Angela and Hans did a surprise visit to my house a few days after Christmas.

that let you crash at their place? Gab. I used to always crash at her place when I’ve had a few drinks.

that made you angry? Idk man, can I give Mark Zuckerberg as an answer? HAHAHA I went on Facebook first thing today and the first thing I saw was a Facebook Memory, and it was a photo of me and Gabie at Athenna’s birthday party four years ago. I got irritated at first until I remembered that we were both tagged in the post, which means it would most likely show up on her feed as a Memory as well. Just to humor my petty ass, I kinda hope the memory would make her sad, wherever she is; but otherwise seeing the Memory pop up didn’t make me sad or bothered anymore so that’s a win for meee.

that complimented you? Leah, my employer’s CEO. She did a check-in call with me recently to get to know me better, so one of the first things she asked was a list of the clients I handle. I happen to be in the team that works with the company’s more big-league clients, so once she heard the brands she told me I must be a good enough worker to be assigned those clients. It meant a lot and it still does.

whom you complimented? Bea. I just let her know how helpful she’s been with me considering I’m a fresh graduate on her first job in a work-from-home setup in the middle of a global pandemic.

you thanked? A supplier I’m currently in contact with, for work.

that thanked you? The said supplier thanked me back.

you saw, in person? My sister.

that bought you something? Dad bought siopaos for us yesterday.

that made you laugh? The cast of 2 Days 1 Night, from when I was watching the show last night.

that you said you loved? I don’t remember. I think it was Kate since she helped me out with a favor.

that said they loved you? Hannah.

you flipped off? I haven’t whipped out the finger in a while, come to think of it.

you made a silly face at? Not a person, but Cooper.

that drove you somewhere? Dad was the driver for our Tagaytay trip.

WHAT was the last thing you...

touched? Aside from my keyboard, my vape pen.

threw? Cooper’s bowling pin squeak toy. He’s gotten a lot better at catching things with his mouth, so I’ve been throwing it a lot at him to continue training him.

ate? A caramel croissant.

drank? Coffee.

found stuck in your teeth? Haven’t had this happen to me in a while.

cooked? I’ve never tried cooking anything.

baked? Idk, maybe cookies 873984732842 years ago.

threw away/tossed out? The packet for the sauce that came with the siopao my dad bought.

bought? I made a purchase for 20 bags for a work thing, but only because I was assigned to do the whole correspondence with the supplier. My manager was the one who sent over the payment when the purchase was confirmed.

sold? I don’t think I’ve ever tried selling anything before.

took a photo of? Cooper hahaha. I had been dancing to a song and he was staring at me.

were frustrated with? Our internet provider when they cut off the connection last weekend.

broke? I’m not sure if I can say I broke it, but the adaptor for my phone charger finally gave up on me the other day. I’ve taken to borrowing my sister’s for now, since she says she “doesn’t use it a lot” anyway.

spilled? Some drops of coffee spilled out of my mug when I dumped several ice cubes in it.

tripped on? Kimi. He follows me evvvvvvverywhere, so I bump into him at least once a day.

kicked? I’m not really sure.

put batteries in? Haven’t had to use batteries in a while, either.

turned on? The Bluetooth on my laptop.

turned off? The electric fan last night since I found it loud.

wrote? Other than my answers to this survey, I’ve also been talking with Angela this morning over Messenger.

wrote on? Other than my phone/laptop, my journal.

cleaned? My glasses.

stuck up your nose??? My finger when a nostril itched recently.

WHERE was the last place you...

dined at? Ramen Nagi.

ordered something to go? I don’t do takeout deliveries, but the last thing I got for delivery was banh mi and iced Vietnamese coffee last week.

bought something? Facebook Marketplace.

cried? In the living room. I came across that viral video of a guy proposing to her girlfriend at a Taylor Swift concert, when he knelt at the exact moment Taylor sang “He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring” from Love Story. It was such a sweet, classy, non-cringey public proposal and I allowed myself to be swept away by the cheesiness of it all, haha.

felt uncomfortable? Dining room table. I was sharing a story to my parents about work involving a guy and my mom asked me if I had a crush on him. My dad kind of snorted and said, “Her? Crush on a guy?” which told me he knew something was up re: my preferences lmao. They’ve never heard anything from me yet, so that made me feel awkward and I most especially didn’t want my mom to catch on to the question and suddenly put me in the hot seat.

drove to? Other than back home, I last drove to UPTC.

had an appointment at? Google Meet, hahaha.

went on vacation? Tagaytay. 

hung out with a friend? Andi and I went to a Korean barbecue place at UPTC (again), but we also drove to UP after just to revisit the good old days of being in campus.

bought clothes? H&M in Feliz.

spent more than you had planned? Ramen Nagi. I had a couple of add-ons in my meal and I didn’t know their service fee was going to be quite high, so my final bill ended up being slightly more than the budget I planned out for that day.

saw a band/singer/musician perform? Late 2019. My ex and I stopped by a jazz bar and there was a live band playing.

WHEN was the last time you...

told someone 'I love you'? Last Friday.

cried? Last night.

laughed? This morning. Cooper was being silly around me and my dad, as always. This time he was unusually behaved when we let him out, and the bizarreness of it all made us so unsettled we ended up laughing.

left your home? Last Sunday. I might go out later, too.

drank a soda/pop? Early last year. There was Coke being served at an org event, and since I felt thirsty and there was no drinking fountain around I just said fuck it and drank the soda.

made your bed? Last night when I left my room to settle in the living room.

visited a doctor? May last year.

went to the emergency room? Other than when 23 years ago when I was born, I’ve never been brought to the emergency room.

kissed someone? September.

hugged someone? Mid-January.

prayed? Six years ago. Or maybe five; I can’t really tell when exactly I made it a point to stop for good.

worked out? Around a week ago. I’m thinking if I should keep at it or if I should just stop, seeing as I’m not willing to give up my favorite foods anyway lmao.

made a phone call? I tried to make a phone call to our internet provider last weekend.

answered a phone? The other evening when the landline rang.

had an argument? Two weeks ago, instigated by my mom as usual.

played a video game? I think 2-3 weeks ago when I got in the mood to play the Switch.

played a card game? Safe to say at least a couple of years ago.

played a board game? November when we suffered a power outage for two days and had nothing to do at home.

rode a bike? LOOOOOOOOL March. The lockdown had just started and I made plans to learn how to ride a bike, but those plans fell through as soon as they began.

fell on your butt? This doesn’t happen often.

took a shower? Last night.

took a bubble bath? I can’t even remember anymore; this is a rare occasion for me.

watched TV? I last watched a TV show in general last night, but I last watched something on an actual television last Sunday when my family watched a Sunday mass livestream.

saw a movie at a theater? December 2019.

ate fast food? I got Bonchon for my family last December, if I remember correctly. My dad had done a huge favor for me and I asked what I can do to repay it, and he said to just buy dinner for the 5 of us for that evening.

ordered a pizza? Last month.

made someone laugh? I’m not sure if I had made her laugh in real life, but Angela and I had a humorous conversation over chat earlier this morning.

sang? Few minutes ago.

played a musical instrument? Absolutely no clue.

read a book? Couple of weeks ago when my employer sent me this book on PR that I was asked to read in preparation for my meeting with Leah.

drove a car? Last Sunday.

went swimming? Think it may have been my Nasugbu trip with Angela, Sofie, and Gabie back in August 2019.

got a sunburn? Idk man, when I was 8? I stopped getting sunburns as I got older.

went to church or temple? The last Sunday in March before the lockdown started.

went shopping? I did my final around of Christmas shopping last month for friends I still had to give presents to.

drank alcohol? Sometime last month after my work shift, following back-to-back meetings with my least favorite client.

smoked a cigarette? Feb last year, I think. I don’t buy cigarettes of my own and I’m also a lot more watchful of my cigarette usage, so I haven’t been able to smoke since I haven’t been around a crowd who does. I mostly vape.

threw up? I last felt like throwing up back in May, but I haven’t actualy thrown up in at least a couple of years now.

had a headache? Just this Thursday.

had a cold? No idea.

had the flu? It wasn’t strictly the flu, but I was last sick in May.

had your hair cut? March last year.

dyed your hair? Never done it.

laughed so hard that you cried? It’s happened in at least the past couple of weeks, I’m sure.

[sunsetsover]

Hey! Im very excited about Bens new storyline. I know a little bit about the deaf community but not nearly enough and I would love to learn more through this storyline. Im just worried that in my excitement I might say something stupid or disrespectful due to my lack of knowlegde. Ive seen you post about that so I was wondering if you could tell me what to look out for and especially some tips on how to learn and understand more. Thank you in advance!❤ I really hope they do the storyline justice

hey!! first of all let me say that i realize that maybe i was a bit TOO defensive the other day so i don’t want you (or anybody else) to think that if anybody fucks up and says something a little off i’m going to completely bite their heads off lmao (although that said i do still stand by everything i’ve said)

also i’ve gotta be honest idk much abt the deaf/hoh community either! i’ve got to learn too!! so if you’re looking for information in that sense i’m unfortunately not the person to come too :-(

however i DO know what it’s like to be disabled and specifically what it’s like to have a disability that affects amd changes your whole life and limits what you can do both now and in the future. i won’t go into details but my disability affects my left leg, which ofc affects my mobility. thankfully i can still walk, but there is no cure or treatment for what i have. there was also nothing that triggered it - no accident or person to blame, it just Happened - and so it was a case of my life seeming normal and then one day it hits you that your life is completely different from everyone else’s and that it’s never gonna be the same, which i imagine may be similar to what ben is going to be going through (whether it’s temporary or not, if he doesn’t KNOW it’s temporary something like that is completely life shattering).

anyways now i’ve realized you Did Not Ask let me get actually answer your questions

literally the most important thing u can do is just listen to disabled people and don’t talk over them!!! this is the case with literally any kind of thing you don’t know abt/experience urself, u know? the way you would listen to and learn from a poc talking abt their unique experiences as a poc, or a muslim talking abt their unique experiences as a muslim etc etc, listen to and learn from disabled (specifically deaf/hoh people, in terms of ben’s sl at least) when they speak!! if they tell u something u said is wrong or a little off, don’t get defensive. just do ur best to listen and learn!!

don’t feel too bad if u do fuck up lmao we all fuck up we’re all learning we’re all trying to be better you can’t possibly know everything, u know?

specifically in terms of ben’s sl, just don’t reduce it down to ‘omg think of the ballum content’. like it’s ok to enjoy the sweet moments this sl might give us obviously lmao but don’t forget that it’s bigger than that, both to ben as a character and in terms of deaf representation !! like !!! a disabled lgbt character!!! that’s a big deal!!!

basically just don’t reduce ben’s suffering to angst porn, u know? bc what u gotta remember is that yeah ok ben isn’t real but he IS a representation of what people have been through and are going through. i’m not deaf or hoh so i won’t be able to relate to that part of it either, but i do know what it’s like to have your life drastically altered bc of a disability and how hard it is to cope with that and accept the way that your life has changed like it’s hard and u get angry and upset and push people away and go into denial and breakdown and think you’re dealing with it only to breakdown again and if ee DO do a good job of it (which judging from last night’s ep i’m hopeful abt!) then they’ll show at least some of that, so just try not to reduce that very real pain and struggle that people experience to ‘omg but callum’s gonna look after him tho’ you know what i mean??

this might be one that’s just a personal opinion tbh but like... just try not to enjoy ben’s suffering too much??? like i know some ppl really revel in angst n i get that but at the end of the day this is a bit TOO real to be like ‘omg i love it when breaks down’ ygm?? like ofc i’m not saying don’t enjoy the storyline for what it is but i know as someone who has been thru very similar suffering i KNOW it’s gonna rub me up the wrong way if i see people ENJOYING seeing ben upset or suffering. idk i feel like im not articulating this very well but i think it goes back into the whole angst porn thing like it’s one thing to like and enjoy the storyline and another to enjoy seeing ben suffering, does that make sense??? like just don’t let what ben will be going thru become angst porn basically

remember that all disabled ppl are different and things that upset/offend me might not upset/offend other ppl and vice versa

also i’m not deaf or hoh so they might have a different opinion on stuff and if so you should always listen to what they say over what i say bc obviously they’ll always know better

try not to worry too much, i’d say that as long as you’re not viewing this sl solely through the lens of ballum or being outright offensive or derogatory towards the sl or ben’s disability bc it’s not what you want or it might affect ben/callum’s relationship then u should be alright?? but the fact that you even took the time to send me this message and ask what to look out for tells me that you’re clearly a conscientious person who’s heart is in the right place which is the most important part so!!! i wouldn’t be too worried if i was u!!

plus my ask is always open if u have any questions!! obviously i can’t answer anything in terms of deafness specifically, but if u have any questions abt disability in a broader sense i’d be happy to answer them for you 💖💖💖

[echoes-of-realities]

Hi! I read your rant on why glee was so poorly done (I agree completely). I was wondering if you could explain your connection with the characters (specifically Brittany and Santana)? Why do you care so much about characters from a show you don’t really like or agree with? Or why do you continue to write using them? Just curious!

So first, I debated for a long time about this, but eventually decided to just give the really personal and really long answer partially because this is a situation that has popped up again and partially because being a fic writer is very personal, so my answer is going to be really personal anyways. You can’t spend most of your time writing inside the mind of someone else without leaving a bit of yourself behind.

Second, I’m not explaining this situation to get sympathy or anything. It’s just what I’ve been through and what I’m going through again, but the difference is that this time around I’m in a much better place than I was last time. I’m more comfortable with myself and more settled, I’m not letting myself go into a depressive spiral like last year, and I have much healthier coping methods this time around.

And third, this is kinda a contemplation on my mental health now, so I’m mostly going ahead and posting to remind myself of how far I’ve come and since this is my personal blog and I Can lol

So! More below the cut. If the cut doesn’t work on mobile, as it is wont to do, I’m so sorry, Tumblr is barely functional at the best of times so just scroll really fast lmao.

So I got into Glee right in the middle of a really rough time in my life. Late last November we found out that my little sister—who’s still in high school—had an aggressive tumour in her knee, and none of the doctor’s could figure out exactly what it was. She had a biopsy in December though we didn’t get the results until February since they didn’t know what it was, but it showed it there was like a 0.01% of it being cancerous. When it had been MRI’d in October it was the size of a loonie and aggressively growing, but when they removed it the following March it had shrunk to like the size of a pea. They sent that off for testing but there wasn’t enough of a sample to figure it out but they think it might have been a burned out cancerous tumour. And so they removed it and scraped the bone around it, threw some cement in my sister’s knee, and called it a day. Flash forward to two weeks ago, my sister had a cheek up because it’d been a year since the found out about it, and instead of getting the news that everything was fine we instead found out that whatever the fuck it is—because they still don’t know—is back and is now growing above the cement and in an entirely different spot than the first tumour. So now we’re back to the waiting game to figure out what the fuck is going on in my sister’s knee, since the radiologists are still puzzling over her new MRI from this December.

So long story short, my sister is still a certified medical weirdo and I spent the last bit of November 2017 until about February thinking my 16 year-old sister had bone cancer. Needless to say, I was in a really bad place last year and my concentration was shot all to hell. (If you’ve been following me for a while you might remember me explaining why I don’t read or write Hard Angst? This was the depressive spiral I was talking about. This was what I was dealing with and how I discovered that Angsty fic makes my mental health so much worse.)

So that’s what I was dealing with when I got into Glee read: only Brittana lol and flash back a little bit more and I’ll spare you the details of my Epiphany Moment, but I came out as gay to myself, and then came out to my mom in the end of October, so that was still New and Fresh for me. I wanna say I probably started watching Glee again, read: only Brittana scenes lol probably a week after I found out about my sister’s tumour? It was after that but before my finals that semester started, and I literally couldn’t focus or concentrate on anything—because aside from dealing with that, I also lived 1.5 hours away from my family, so my auntie stayed with my sister and my mom so they could all be there for each other, and just because of circumstance I was alone with my thoughts most of the time.

Then I was looking for something to listen to while studying or working on end of term assignments or whatever and I stumbled upon s5’s Valerie. And okay so I’ve Known about Glee since it came out. I watched the pilot but never really got into it, my friend lent me her box set of s1 and I got as far as Terri admitting to her fake pregnancy and went “yep too far for me”, I remember when Cory died because I’m Canadian and he was our Canadian sweetheart, I even remember when Brittana got married because it was all over tumblr and I was at that stage where “I’m invested in gay successes and characters because my cousin is gay and I support gay people and for No Other Reason” lmao. So like, I Knew about Glee, and I Knew about how, uh, let’s say Particular the fandom was over the years. So I watched s5′s Valerie and thought “hey these characters are really cute together and from my Vague Memories I’m pretty sure they’re the show’s lesbian couple?” And I looked it up, saw they were Childhood Friends (that one (1) canon line be damned) to Lovers, which is probably the trope I’m Weakest for lol, and basically just fell down the rabbit hole.

At the beginning of me getting into Glee, it was basically because I had just come out about a month and a bit prior, and I was going through probably the darkest time in my life, and these two characters were about the only thing that was distracting me from my sister’s tumour so I clung to them. I had stopped writing (omg sorry to anyone who followed me from the b99 childhood neighbours au, I think about it being unfinished Constantly and it Haunts me to this day) from about the time we found out about it in November to when the biopsy results came back in the first week of February and we found out that the chances of it being cancerous were like 0.01%. In that time I had been watching Glee again, read: Brittana scenes only lmao and fell in love with the characters themselves beyond “they were distracting me from hard shit,” and so the day we found out the tumour wasn’t cancerous was the day I sat down and found I could finally write again, and I realized I actually had a story in my head, which resulted in you were the choice I made before I knew what the other choices were. So I wrote that and posted it in February this year and got an overwhelmingly positive response to it, past anything I had ever imagined considering the show had ended like 3 years ago lol. 

So I guess what I’m trying to say with all of this rambling is that the characters came into my life at the exact right time in the exact right way. Santana’s coming out storyline was not the exact same as mine, but I was also pretending to be somebody I wasn’t in high school, I understand how terrifying it is to live in a Small Town and worry about someone finding out, my grandma died earlier in 2017 and responded poorly to my cousin coming out years before, so the s6 scenes were so bittersweet to watch. And I don’t know exactly why I fell in love with Brittany, but her own storyline in s2 when she was learning to stand up for herself is something I Know, her incredible patience and understanding and snark is what I aspire to, and the fact that people are Constantly underestimating her and she’s struggled with being seen as good enough is so familiar. And their relationship is so strong and tender despite the continued thrashings it took and I admire that so much—even if most of my admiration comes from fic depictions and not canon (s6 aside) lmao.

So yeah, as cheesy as it sounds, even though I think Glee did some good but overall handled their responsibility to their narrative and their audience Horribly, Brittana as characters and as a relationship were the only thing distracting me from obsessing and panicking and spiralling over my sister’s tumour, their storylines helped me understand my own coming out process a little better, and, probably the biggest thing for me, was that they were what got me back into writing again. So I’m always going to love them so much because they’re complex and real (even if most of that comes from fanon interpretations), but the reason they mean so much to me is because I fell in love with them when everyone else in my life was shitty and completely out of my control.

[kyluxtrashpit]

Okay so this started as an addition to @sinningsquire‘s recent post and the subsequent discussion but then it kinda took on a life of its own and then it got REALLY STUPIDLY LONG so I’m going to avoid cluttering the notes and just put my ramble here on my own blog lmao. Anyone is free to disagree, this is just me being inspired by the discussion and adding some thoughts, but this is also how the characters come across to me and I’m unlikely to change my mind at this point. Also I’m putting it behind a cut, but if you’re on mobile, I am so fucking sorry omg. Go filter ‘long post’, refresh, and then you’ll be okay

So the thing about Kylo and Hux that I keep coming back to years into this ship is that they’re complimentary opposites, which I think this is another example of. While I am on team ‘Kylo is going to be bad at Supreme Leadering’, I don’t think that necessarily means he’s bad at all leadership and military-related things ever. Because he’s not, it’s just that what he’s good at vs what Hux is good at are different things and there’s more to Supreme Leadering than a military operation

(Opinions lie beyond here! Read at your own discretion!)

First, I will say I’m basing more of this on TFA’s considerations than TLJ’s because TLJ suffers from Good Guys Need To Win syndrome really badly and that was honestly my biggest complaint about it, even immediately after coming out of the theatre. This is far from a rare occurrence and many sw villains have been essentially neutered by this (e.g. Thrawn in Rebels; one of the greatest Imperial strategists sort of succeeding like once ever and otherwise being repeatedly outsmarted by a child for most of the series). Hux was the most obvious victim of it (tbh I don’t think Kylo was ooc at all in TLJ), but I also think Snoke got hit a little too. Basically RJ painted the Resistance into such a tight corner that the only way he could get them out was to make the FO, which had apparently just recently claimed a big victory, look like complete morons

Personally, I’ve headcanoned Hux being useless in TLJ as a result of his repressed post-Starkiller breakdown. He just lost his life’s work and his boss physically abused him in public over it at least once, so it adds up, for me. Thus most of this comes from TFA and the pre-TLJ novelizations. But anyways. I’ll say now if you’re hard on the useless Hux train, you’ll probably disagree with every point below here lmao

So the thing about Kylo is that he seems good at small-scale operations. Give him a single squadron or a small group (e.g. his Knights) and I think he can get the thing done effectively, provided his emotional state remains stable (which, with him, is a pretty big concern). As some pointed out in the notes on the post that inspired this, he does do alright on Takodana. The mistake he makes is in taking the unknown quantity that is Rey as opposed to the known quantity that is BB-8, though in his defence, there’s no way he could’ve known just how badly that would go. And perhaps he did so partially because the Resistance had arrived and he didn’t have time to find BB-8 before it got messy when she was right there, so I’ll give him that one. He does make some other strategic mistakes, such as in the snow fight when he makes the mistake of underestimating and toying with Finn, but perhaps we can chock that up to his emotional state, him actively bleeding out at the time, and the fact that everyone seems to underestimate Finn. Still, I think he’s largely successful at small-scale stuff, as long as he’s relatively calm (note: he is not calm nor successful for the entirety of TLJ, aside from killing Snoke, which he had help with in the form of a distraction , so I won’t really go into it. It is the most cunning we see from him in any piece of SW media, but it appears to me to be an outlying example. It’s also the only time he’s ever managed to succeed at something he set out to do, aside from killing Han, which was only emotionally difficult, not mechanically so. But anyways)

As an aside, I also don’t think the main argument of Kylo’s family is enough of a claim to show he’s a good leader. Some go so far as to suggest leadership is genetic by discussing Padme, Anakin (who was Not Great, but did succeed sometimes), etc. but that’s not a thing so I’m not going to. He could have studied them, and maybe he did, but it’s not ‘in his blood’. Leia may have exposed him to some politics, but it’s hard to say. Last Shot suggests he spent most of his time with Han when he was little and we don’t know how young he was when he went to Luke, where he would’ve seen nothing. He could’ve been sent away at 5-6 and never even seen the Senate, or Leia could’ve brought him to Senate meetings regularly so he could learn until he was sent away at 15 or something, but as of now, there’s no proof either way. I mention this because of its popularity, but I don’t personally find the argument convincing either way and I don’t believe we know enough to say for sure

Now Hux, Hux is good at large-scale operations. He’s in charge of the Stormtrooper program, which he adapted from previous methods and has had exactly one aberration slip through the cracks ever. He commands the Finalizer and was chosen to work at the same level as Snoke’s personal apprentice, the two of them sharing second-in-command to Snoke (who appears to do fuck all). He’s also in charge of Starkiller and though there is some debate as to how involved he was with it, he certainly oversaw its construction and usage. Lastly, he also oversees the FO’s entire suite of technological advancement projects, according to TLJ. So Hux already has a lot on his plate that he’s managing and appears to be doing at least reasonably well at these things. Hux can command and organize and I don’t think anyone can dispute that

In terms of flaws, he fails to stop Finn and Poe from escaping partially because Poe is That Good and partially because he overcomplicates it, which tends to be the flaw of all big-picture thinkers (also, some luck on their side, considering they both survived the crash. iirc Poe didn’t in the original script, but Oscar asked JJ to please not make him die this time. So perhaps a bit of Good Guys Need To Win too). Small-scale fucks him up because he makes mountains out of molehills and that’s where he’s weakest, as seen also when Poe comes in with a single ship in TLJ, with the chase of the Raddus, etc. He’s capable of running large-scale operations, as I mentioned above, and while there’s debate on whether or not he’s a good strategist, I tend to lean towards ‘a bit above average’ for no other reason than it feels right to me, but there isn’t really any definitive evidence either way. He is also arguably the least responsible for Starkiller’s destruction; yes, there was a weak point, but it was shielded well and unavoidable to have. Phasma lowering the shields and Kylo not finding the explosives due to family problems are both more responsible than he is, imo

(Hux’s other fatal flaw is his underestimation and low opinion of the Force, which will most likely be what kills him regardless of how things play out, but that’s not terribly relevant to this discussion so)

So, with all that in mind: Supreme Leadering. What does that actually entail? Well, it is large-scale, which gives Hux the advantage based on my arguments, and even if we accept he is completely useless at strategy, there’s just so much more to it than that. The Order is now in control of the galaxy at large and needs to manage it, something Snoke most likely would have delegated based on what little we know of him. There’s making and maintaining trade routes, there’s managing supply lines, there’s bureaucracy, there’s the prioritizing of projects, there’s lawmaking, there’s the managing of staff, citizens, etc. This is essentially nation building we’re talking about here, except on a galactic scale. It’s complex, it’s tedious, and it is a massive undertaking, the kind of thing that Hux seems like the type to masturbate thinking about, given how he appears to thrive when taking care of large projects and also his power fantasies

And when it comes to Kylo? The thing is is that even if he could do it well, even if he could look at the big picture and effectively manage people and all of it, I don’t think he cares to

So not only do I think Kylo is ill-suited to something that large, as I originally discussed, I more importantly think he would hate it. Kylo hating paperwork may be fanon, to my knowledge, but it’s one of those things that no one ever really contests because it fits his character. Kylo is not patient. Kylo does not care about the bigger picture. Kylo is self-centered, as in he is focused only on his own interests, not those of anyone around him, even within an organization he claims to support. “Personal interests”, anyone?

In the TFA novel, it’s noted that Hux refrains from yelling at his staff even when he wants to because he knows it will only stress them out and make them sloppy. Kylo is known to violently attack those under him when he’s upset. So even if Kylo has the troops’ fear, Hux has their loyalty (the TLJ novel disagrees with some of this, most notably concerning the older Imperials, but tbh I doubt JJ is taking that anywhere so I’m ignoring it for now. They’re relics of a dying age, anyways. If I end up being wrong, though, I will adjust haha). Pablo Hidalgo explained on his now-defunct twitter, when asked why Kylo didn’t just rip the location of the Resistance base from Poe’s mind, that the reasoning is that he only wanted the map; the Resistance was Hux’s problem. This is in spite of the fact that the Resistance is the FO’s problem in general and Kylo is not only part of the FO, but a high-ranking member. There is also the failure on Crait, which was legitimately embarrassing, and while, yes, that was largely due to his emotional state, Kylo is in a state of emotional crisis for most of his screentime. So, not exactly a great defending argument. I also strongly suspect that will be a continuing trend with him until his inevitable death and/or redemption

These are not signs of a good leader. I also can’t see Kylo suddenly being interested in building a government, even if he could do it. Because he’s going to be focused on getting revenge on Rey for rejecting him, eliminating any fledgling Jedi Order she may or may not be attempting to make, and possibly a plot with his mother. Kylo’s motives have not and do not align with building a nation and at no point does he even seem to care about that in any capacity that involves actually doing something about it

So. This got really long but the main points here are that Supreme Leadering and military strategy are different skills, Hux and Kylo are good at different things (large-scale vs small-scale), and that even if Kylo could Supreme Leader effectively, he most likely doesn’t care to meanwhile Hux seems like he’d actually be pretty good at it (and, even if you think he wouldn’t be, at least he gives a fuck). So uh, yeah. There’s my significantly more than 2 cents and if you actually read this whole thing, then applause for you because it’s longer than the last fic I posted XD

[spiderlingss]

Mistake

Author: @spiderlingss Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader Word Count: 2270 Warnings: Arguing, a bit of swearing and that’s about it… Summary: Tom comes home after a stressful day of filming to find that you forgot to do something he asked of you.

A/N: omg so this is my first ever fanfic! Please let me know what you think of this and if there are any requests that you may have please feel free to drop me an ask! I really hope you like this, much love! 

You knew from the second Tom had walked through the door, that filming hadn’t gone as planned today. Your stomach twisted with dread when he bypassed any form of affection that you usually shared, alternatively making a b-line for the fridge to retrieve a beer. He marched past you again, completely silent, as he reached for the bottle opener that sat on a hook on the wall near the sink. He slouched against the cabinets, fumbling to try and detach the cap from the chilled bottle. The ominous clattering of the metal lid being tossed onto the counter was a clear sign that your initial assumption was indeed, correct. He exhaled deeply after indulging himself in a huge gulp of the fizzy alcohol.

“Tough day love?” You gave an uneasy smile and turned the heat down on the hob before making your way over to him. You wrapped your arms around his torso and were able to feel him momentarily relax under your touch and you inhaled his musk. Loosening your grip ever so slightly, you moved so that you were on your tiptoes and began to plant chaste kisses on Toms’ cheek.

“I couldn’t even begin to explain darling,” he groaned before adjusting his stance, making it possible for him to meet your lips softly with his own. You smiled into the kiss and raked your hand through his tangled curls, causing him to moan softly. The sound of the pot for the pasta boiling over pulled you back into reality, rushing back to the stove, leaving Tom alone again.

“Love?” He quizzed coolly, “did you remember to make that call for me?”

You turned ridged under his touch, turning around in his hold as you shook your head reluctantly, your anxiety rising when he took another mouthful from the bottle. “I’m so sorry Tom, I genuinely forgot that you asked me to call.”

“Oh right, you forgot,” he feigned humour, shaking his head lightly before nodding. “I reminded you before bed last night. Totally makes sense that you forgot.”

You began to drain the water from the spaghetti, cursing as you burnt your finger on the boiling water as it raced through the holes in the colander. You turned the cold tap on, placing the excruciating burn underneath the soothing waterfall. Placing the colander on top of the pot to rest, you hurried around the kitchen in search of the first aid kit to grab some germolene and a plaster. Tom remained un-phased by you and continued to lean sullenly against the cupboards. “I’m sorry babe, I got a bit busy and it slipped my mind.”

“You can’t be serious right now?” He snapped, slamming his beer onto the countertop, the sound of the glass colliding with the granite caused you to step backwards in alarm. “You’re right, I can’t possibly imagine just how busy you have been at home, all day. It’s not like you were reshooting a stunt scene for hours on end.”

“I know and I said I was sorry, Tom. I promise that I will do it tomorrow,” you mumbled, the aroma of the bolognese sauce reminding you that It should be ready to be taken off the heat. After removing the pan from the stove and turning the gas off, you reached for your mobile, setting a reminder to call the customer service for Virgin Airlines tomorrow.

“Sorry isn’t good enough angel. I need to know If the details of that flight are correct Y/N. This is important.” He spat back, the emphasis on saying your nickname in a sarcastic manner took you by surprise, making you wonder why he was being so unkind about something you could fix so easily.  

 Yes, you were aware that you’d made a mistake but it was obvious that Tom was blowing the whole thing out of proportion. When he reached this level of anger, it became much harder to diffuse. It was like all forms of rationality withdrew from his thoughts, leaving behind only negative ones. His body language suggested that you would be in for a night long argument, cursing at yourself for your forgetfulness. You took a deep breath, whilst mustering up all the confidence that you could find to reply to him, still avoiding eye contact.

 “I know. If I could go back and remember, then I would Tom.” You reasoned, resting your phone back on the work surface. You made your way over to your boyfriend who stood angrily, against the breakfast bar. When you reached him, you hesitantly removed your hand that was safely nested in the sleeve of your hoodie before bringing it to meet his, squeezing lightly as you did. As you were about to reach for his other hand, a final peace offering, he tensed and harshly pulled away from your grip, knocking you off balance and causing your heart to sink in the process.

“Yeah, but you can’t can you Y/N? I asked one fucking thing of you.” He seethed, bowling his hand into a fist before lashing out and slamming the wooden door in the height of frustration.

You found yourself trying to fight back the tears forming in your eyes, knowing that Tom hated it when you cried during arguments. You just couldn’t believe the fact that you had never seen him so upset over something this small. He continued muttering his frustrations under his breath, finding no issues in the hostility of his behaviour towards the woman that he supposedly loved. That’s when you broke. Your tear ducts no longer being able to barricade the droplets from streaming down your face, trying so hard to muffle the sobs that were so desperately trying to escape your lips.

“I knew it wouldn’t take much for your crybaby act to come out,” He scoffed, an infuriated expression forming on his face. He sauntered over to you slowly, like a lion taunting his prey, too caught up in his own anger to realise the distress in your features. Too selfish to realise the damage that he was causing. He moved so that he was in front of you, looking down at your defeated appearance finally realising that he’d genuinely hurt you.

“Fuck you.” You croaked, looking up at him with glazed eyes, “I made a human mistake. A mistake Tom.” When there wasn’t a response you saw red, remembering all the times that you had told him that it was okay when he’d made mistakes that affected you.

“I do recall being really understanding that time you forgot to call me after you landed in Atlanta. Or the time you lost your phone and I had to call Harrison to make sure that you were okay when I hadn’t heard from you after 4 days of constantly messaging and trying to call. I didn’t get mad at you Tom because I knew that you were busy at the time. I spent all day cleaning up around the house so you didn’t have to. I also decided that I wanted to cook your favourite meal to make you feel less homesick, yet all you’ve done is yell at me for forgetting to make a call for you.” You ranted.

Arguments in the past left Tom having to pick up the pieces after saying awful things out of anger. So you took a moment to think about what to say, not wanting cause something just as damaging that would cause a bigger strain. 

“I just wish that you were able to give me the same treatment that I gave you Tommy,” you whimpered, tears still cascading down your face. You went and picked up your phone, sliding it into your hoodie before pulling your sleeves back over your hands to wipe away the tear stains on your cheeks. “I am not your assistant, and I know I said that I would call but I’m not conditioned to remember everything that she is. I’m only human Tommy.”

You decided to leave the food that you had prepared on the side, no longer feeling hungry after arguing with Tom. You decided that if he was hungry he would help himself. So without looking at him again, you made your way up to your bedroom trying to give yourself the space that you needed and to take your mind off the disastrous evening. When you reached the door to your bedroom, you grasped the door handle, sighing loudly as you opened it. After shutting the door behind you, you removed your phone from your hoodie and threw it on the bed.

You began to strip, deciding that the only way to save the night was to climb into the steaming hot shower that you had been craving all day. You were hoping to share the experience with Tom to help you both unwind, but after the argument, you’d lost all hopes of that happening.

You walked into the en-suite and turned on the water, spinning slowly to take in your appearance in the mirror whilst the water heated up. The bags under your eyes were even more pronounced and had become puffy and red after your crying spell. You shook off the stress and forced a smile before stepping into the waterfall, causing small goosebumps raise on your delicate skin before you closed the glass door behind you.

You found yourself relaxing in the tranquil environment, the sound of the water calming you in the same way that rainfall does. You bent down and picked up the coconut infused shampoo that both you and Tom loved. Having already squeezed a generous amount into your palm, you returned the bottle to its usual place and then began to gently massage it into your scalp. The suds began to increase and when you were satisfied you rinsed them away, scrunching your eyes shut and blowing the bubbles away from your mouth.

 Next, you decided to pick up your favourite lush body wash, squeezing it onto an exfoliator before proceeding to run the rough object across your skin. When you had finished cleaning yourself you decided to stand in the water a little while longer, not wanting to feel the harshness of the cool air just yet. When you had eventually calmed down, you reached to turn the water off. You savoured the last of the heat before stepping out of the shower, feeling the temperature difference immediately. You rushed to wrap the soft towel around you to preserve some of the warmth that you had felt whilst washing your body.

You padded back to your room, sighing out of relief when you reached your dresser, pulling out one of Tom’s shirts and a pair of pyjama shorts, deciding against wearing a bra. After drying your body, you bent over, positioning your hair correctly in line with the towel before wrapping it up to dry. You slid the shorts up your legs, wiggling your hips confidently before reaching for your boyfriends’ shirts. You were too busy concentrating on drying yourself to realise that Tom had sheepishly sneaked into your room in order to make peace. 

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” He mused, guilt-laced in his tone. You spun around swiftly and met the deep brown eyes of the apologetic goofball that you were in love with. Your heart felt like it was punching at your ribcage and you couldn’t help but beam at his beauty, cussing at yourself for never being able to stay mad at him.

“Angel, I am so sorry that I took my anger out on you.” His gaze met yours and you found yourself walking towards him shaking your head lightly. When you were stood in front of him you softly brought your hands up to rest on either side of his face. Your actions caused his worry to soften and so he pulled you into a secure embrace “I love you so much, y’know that, right?”

The tense knots in your stomach released and turned into butterflies, a blush creeping onto your cheeks. You nodded into his chest before muffling your reply into his t-shirt. “I love you too Tom.”

He smiled widely, squeezing you momentarily. “The bolognese was divine love.” He praised, making you exit his hug to smile back at him. “Are you hungry, I can go and heat it up for you?” You shook your head. You still weren’t in the mood to indulge the Italian dish so you made the decision to have it later on in the evening.

“I’m glad you liked it grumps.” You joked, poking him in the ribs. Tom responded with faux offence making you smirk and giggle at his humorous facial expression.

Your laugh caused him to grin mischievously, helping him decide to scoop you up and carry you to the bed which caused a playful scream to emit your lips. He flung himself onto the mattress, pulling you down with him in a fit of laughter. When the giggling calmed down, tom pulled you as close as you could get before leaning in to softly kiss you. You returned the favour, whining quietly as the kiss deepened before playfully pulling away, causing tom to whine at the loss of contact.

“I didn’t say I had forgiven you though, did I?” You teased, pulling away with a huge smirk to lie on your side of the bed.  

“Maybe not doll,” he commented cheekily before crawling on all fours so that he was nestled in-between your thighs, his face dangerously close to your core. “but I think I know something that might help change your mind.”

[archiveddvrpg]

Congratulations, PIKA! You’ve been accepted for the role of PORTIA with a faceclaim change to JESSICA VU. Admin Rosey: Be still my heart, for it has been captured ruthlessly and quite brutally by your interpretation of my darling, my sweet Pandora. “ …there’s a hubris to pandora that intrigues me. everybody sees life through a window, and pandora is no exception. she prides herself on her pragmatism and her ability to cut through the whimsical bullshit that others fancy. and maybe that helps her see the world more clearly.” It was in the beginning of your application that I noticed you captured the cruz of her character and for that, I thank you. I can’t wait to see our machina on the dash!  Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

Out of Character

Alias | pika

Age | mythic. timeless. 18+ lol

Preferred Pronouns | she/her/hers or they/them/theirs, i’m not picky!

Activity Level | hoo man i try my best but i’m a full-time student with a bunch of stuff on my plate. I’m really good about tracking the dash on mobile, and i promise to be on to write every other day unless i let you know otherwise!!

Timezone | pst/gmt-8

Current/Past RP Accounts | jake. hugo. mallory.

In Character

Character | PORTIA, or pandora linh phan, with a fc change to jessica vu! (you might need to age her down a year bc jessica is only 19 but idk if it’s super feasible for someone that young to be a captain?? oof idk ur call adminnies!! or if it comes to it i’m ok with using jolie LOL i just prefer jessica.)

What drew you to this character? |

listen, i fucking love portia. the paradoxical free spirit who binds herself to the most minutiae of the rules? someone who simultaneously adheres to and flouts convention? a lawyer who uses her words for mercy? BADASS.

and then. AND THEN. you all reimagined her to be even more badass, which is certainly impressive. pandora isn’t a direction i would have imagined portia to be taken in. this is not a woman who would manipulate the law as an agent of mercy (though i imagine she certainly could, if she so chose to). no, this is a portia who has chosen to use her keen intellect in pursuit of the truth above all else, a product of the machinations imposed on her throughout her entire life. as an heiress, there have been strings cast upon her since birth. she has simply grabbed them to take control of whatever facets of her destiny she could.

but to return to the question, i think what really drew me in to pandora’s character was the lingering paradoxes you teased in her skeleton. for all she appears to be an unstoppable, calculating machine of a woman, a part of her still fears the inexplicable. though she might seem callous toward even her family, she wants to use her influence to help others—i imagine that in a world where she was not sent to the mob, she would have ended up a major humanitarian. i think it’s easy to be misled by pandora, to see only her calculating exterior and not dig into her underlying belief systems. she may be sharp enough to see and understand things about the world that the rest of us may not pick up on, but that ability has almost certainly strongly shaped her own views. the possibility of exploring the inner workings of someone so complex is something that makes me giddy on its own, and that’s before you even factor in the possibility of character development, because…

…there’s a hubris to pandora that intrigues me. everybody sees life through a window, and pandora is no exception. she prides herself on her pragmatism and her ability to cut through the whimsical bullshit that others fancy. and maybe that helps her see the world more clearly. but i think it gives her a very deliberate blind spot when it comes to her own weaknesses and the strength of mankind; she can predict what man’s folly will lead to, but i don’t think she’s had enough experience with positive relationships to understand the strength of human bonds. so there’s a lot to explore there, as well! and all of that’s before you start talking about her role within the mob and its interplay with her pre-existing heuristic reasoning omg. this is a girl that was forced into a war and turned it into a game. there are just a lot of layers to explore within pandora, is what i’m trying to say, and conflict between the various aspects of self that make up her identity.

ALSO HAVE I MENTIONED I LUV BADASS LADIEZ BC WOWOW I RLY DO UNF

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

foul is fair and fair is foul:

to build off of what i introduced in the previous section, i think that a major underlying theme within pandora’s character is the notion of control. she is so used to having it—over others, but most importantly over herself—and fears losing it so much that i would love to see it wrested from her. pandora considers herself above verona’s war, in a way; as a captain, she doesn’t touch blood, and as a phan, she knows (or assumes, at the very least) that she has a way out. she is inherently analytical and never impulsive. but this is a game where logic fails in the face of the whims of faux gods, of ambrosia and warfare and the hands of witches. pandora’s been lucky so far in how the world has kept to its unspoken rules, but silly girl. the very otherness that separates her from verona’s darkness may very well doom her to it. let her see she that the best-laid plans have nothing against the hand of god. let her see that she cannot play a game where the rules are a sham.

the quality of mercy is not strain’d…:

pandora is a young captain, especially for only having been a montague for three years. surely, there are mixed feelings about that within the montague ranks. i think her relationship with castora is notable because of how unexpected it was for her to pick up castora as a mentee and how pandora herself wanted someone to show her the ropes. she clearly has ambition and intelligence, but she isn’t necessarily agreeable, nor particularly concerned about crossing the line into insensitivity. what i’m trying to say is that in the mob it takes a certain willingness for action to rise as quickly as pandora has, particularly as someone who isn’t part of one of the traditional mob families. despite what some of the rumors say, it is certainly not because of her wealth or her engagement, what has she done to position herself so valuably in so little time? who has she made enemies of? allied with?

and more importantly, what consequences will these actions have now, particularly during the unrest?

…it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven:

because of how quickly pandora has made herself indispensable to the montagues, i feel like it’s easy to overstate her loyalty to her fiance’s family. but loyalty isn’t necessarily something logical, and pandora’s first loyalty is to her logic. i don’t think it’s impossible for a party to shift her loyalties, whether it be to the capulets, to the montagues, or to finding peace another way. she may have her mind set on serving the montagues but her eyes are not closed to the complex reality of the situation she’s in. perhaps a compelling argument could shift her view.

oh romeo, oh romeo:

pandora’s relationship with roman is something i’d like to explore bc i’m a slut for romantic-coded plots because love seems antithetical to everything pandora values. there’s no logic to love, no real value that seems to be had from it. furthermore, it requires a relinquishing of control, and that more than anything is enough for it to be completely unattractive to pandora. she certainly respects, and to a certain extent cares for roman, but it is duty that binds them.

so i say, let her fall. it’ll be against her better judgement, certainly, and maybe it’ll end well, or maybe it’ll end with disaster. maybe she’ll finally learn to trust roman, and maybe that will lead to something more. perhaps she’ll fall for someone else, a rival, maybe, and their story will end in tragedy. either way, there is something to be said about how love can derail the best-laid plans.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | lol sure i guess as long as there’s some kind of like plot sense to be made yknow

In Depth

In-Character Interview:

The girl they send to interview Pandora-—and make no mistake, it is unmistakably a girl—looks like she could be Pandora’s age. Her blouse is crisply ironed, but the collar is slightly crooked. Her pen is cheap, and so are her shoes. Her earnestness is palpable. She is pretty, but she wears her youth in her face. Perhaps a person in the habit of indulging whimsy could have pictured the two women as roommates, recent graduates worried about internships and graduate school applications. Pandora, however, is not one of those people.

Their passing similarities are increasingly eclipsed by their differences the longer the women sit, the still-nameless girl fumbling with her notes, Pandora perfectly still. It’s easy for Pandora to mask her annoyance with indifference, less so for her to silence the disdain on her tongue. But she does, sympathizes with the girl, even. She does not belong here, that much is clear. Perhaps this is how Athena felt when she was challenged by Arachne.  

Eventually, the girl finds her footing. “What is your favorite place in Verona?” she asks.

There’s a moment that, on anyone else, would have been considered hesitation. On Pandora, it reads like anticipation, like the world is taking a moment to prepare itself for the words she is to say. “Would it be surprising for me to say Verona’s library? It contains a rather incredible collection of historical Roman documents.” It’s not a lie, not really. The library fascinates her, but not for the stories it holds in its walls. Rather, it’s the stories that unfold in its shadowy corners that draw her interest. If the girl isn’t a total fool, she can figure out the rest.

And apparently she does, or she is at least willing to take the answer at its face, because she presses on. “What does your typical day look like?” she asks.

“If you’re looking for a jetsetting life of glamour, I’m afraid you must go elsewhere.” Pandora feigns a sigh, twirling a lock of hair around a finger. “I wake up early, drink tea—I’ve recently given up coffee, you know—and meditate. If I have business for the wedding, I’ll tend to that; if not, I’ll study.”

There’s a look in her conversation partner’s eyes that seems akin to doubt. Ha. Certainly a recent graduate, then. Pandora smiles benevolently, but her eyes are cutting. The girl has shown weakness. “You seem surprised,” she says lightly. “I know it’s been going around that I’m taking a year off of schooling for the wedding, but you don’t think I’d be content as a trophy wife, would you?” Her parents had, and look where that had gotten all of them. She doesn’t sneer, but it’s a close thing.

The girl can’t meet her eyes, so Pandora continues. “Anyhow. I’ll usually spend the afternoon attending to family business, either my own or the Montague’s.” And wasn’t that the truth. “I try to meet with my fiance in the evenings. And at night?” She tilts her head coquettishly, but on Pandora, the action reads almost predatory, the gaze of a panther deliberating a strike. “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”  

“And what of Montague’s more…nefarious business dealings? Do you have any comment on those?”

Huh. Perhaps the girl has more backbone than Pandora credited her with. A single, impeccably groomed brow rises.

“I do not.”

The girl swallows, then continues. “Okay, um…well…What has been your biggest mistake thus far?”

Pandora laughs, and the sound is beautiful but out of place, uncannily youthful from a creature that seems to transcend conventional labels. It’s easy to forget that Pandora is young, barely out of girlhood herself, worlds apart as she is from her interviewer.

“Darling,” she says, “I don’t make mistakes.”

She knows what they say about her, how they call her bella macchina, how they quaver before her ruthless pragmatism. Was it so bad to lean into the reputation? There were worse things to be associated with. And looking at her, content in her realm, a spider in the orb of her nest, it is so, so easy to believe. It is easy to forget that it is not her dominion, that Verona is not her land and the Montague-Capulet fight is not her fight, in the strictest sense. But nobody is as acutely aware of the reality of her situation as Pandora is. She is but a tool.

And thus, her mistakes are not her mistakes. It’s logical, really.

She has shaken her interviewer. That much is certain. But Pandora must give the girl credit, because she pushes on. “What has been the most difficult task asked of you?”

Pandora could recite a litany, if she so wanted to: becoming a Montague, being the Phan her parents intended, swallowing her knives instead of spitting them, unlocking the gilded cage her birth placed her in.

“Taking a break from school.” She sighs, and this time there’s a sort of truth to her wistfulness. It isn’t that she dislikes taking a more prominent role within the Montague family—to the contrary, it has been one of the most exciting experiences she has been able to apply herself to. There’s something about the unpredictability of mob life that challenges Pandora in a way that few other things have been able to. Though she likes the satisfaction of conclusions predicted, of victory strategized four steps in advance, there’s something exhilarating in being kept on her toes. However, she has a raw love for learning—for bettering her understanding—that is unique from her love for the game. There’s a comfortable reliability to the rules in academia, a safe expectation of how things are to react. And recently,  she sometimes misses the reliability of writ law, despite the new opportunities Alvise’s death has unlocked.

Perhaps it would be more apt to say that coming to Verona has been akin to opening Pandora’s Box. What a joke.

The interviewer pushes Pandora out of her thoughts. She has been saying something that Pandora could probably recite later, but didn’t particularly care enough to consider. Eventually, she reaches another question. Her last, if Pandora remembered correctly. And Pandora always remembers correctly. “What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?”

Pandora averts her eyes; she is not so proud to pretend that she is a good enough actress to hide the hunger in her eyes. “I don’t understand it.”

It’s not a lie. War, as a general concept, is inherently paradoxical—and that fascinates Pandora. The way that man has tried to civilize it, put rules to it, when it is ultimately a series of acts that defy basic human ethics, the one set of laws all decent men ought to follow. The attempts to moralize it. The strategy involved, the balancing act between victory and order and understanding. Understanding the philosophical notions of war is one of the few universal perplexities that Pandora itches to scratch, a puzzle that she can’t immediately solve.

Of course, in the meantime, there’s always the art of war to busy herself with. That, on the other hand, comes naturally to Pandora, almost frighteningly so.

She finally meets the girl’s eyes. “You can understand my concern, of course, especially for my fiance.” She clutches her hand in a gesture that could be mistaken as one of disquiet. “Dearest Roman…as long as this rages on, there’s a target on his back,” she says entreatingly.

Of course, she neglects to mention that there is a matching mark on her own.

Extras

a playlist:

control - halsey // runnin’ (interlude) // kehlani // pride - kendrick lamar // oh no! - marina and the diamonds // biking - frank ocean // woman (oh mama) - joy williams // talking to myself - gallant // never catch me - flying lotus feat. kendrick lamar // bite - troye sivan // power - kanye west // keep ya head up (jhene aiko cover) - tupac

hcs & misc. bits

Pandora graduated summa cum laude from her undergraduate program, where she studied economics and public policy. Technically, she’s a law school student—as her day job, if you will—but since Alvise’s death, she’s taken a break to focus on her work as a captain (or, depending on who’s asking, to focus on her engagement).

Pandora is fascinated by the Witches. They fall under the category of things she cannot explain, and that simultaneously frightens and attracts her. She spends a fair amount of time at the Museum, as a result.

Pandora is notoriously dismissive of things she finds wasteful, but she’s actually very into fashion and art.

Pandora is pretty skilled with languages. She’s fluent in Italian, English, and Vietnamese. She’s passably conversational in German and Mandarin, and can speak enough Japanese to conduct business.

Pandora doesn’t touch drugs or alcohol if she can avoid it. She’ll partake in wine socially, but otherwise avoids mind-altering substances. After all, her mind is her greatest asset. What is she without it?

mbti: istj-t

enneagram: type 6

likes: documentaries, oolong tea, louboutins. being right. victory, as a general concept. puzzles, especially crosswords. granita.

dislikes: people who chew loudly. empty rooms. foolishness. coffee. being called dora.

aesthetic: the click of heels on a polished marble floor. the smell of lavender at night. the rush of air that leaves your lungs when you exhale. a piece of ice melting on your tongue. the pre-dawn hour, when the world is a breath from still and light barely dusts the sky. falling, falling, falling down a rabbit hole. the knowledge of victory. gold on steel. the refraction of light through a shattered glass.

[marmelade-sky]

Traiterous Heart, pt. 2

Thank you for all your feedback! :) I’m so glad you liked it. 

I almost died when I realized I used the WRONG FUCKING NAME the whole time. Omg. Apologies. Idk why but I think I just got it wrong once in the beginning and then my brain was like ‘yep, that’s right, that’s his name, yes’

I’m embarrassed. 

But hey xD enjoy part 2, this time with the correct name! Yay! 

There is a lot of crying, because, hey, coming out is emotional af. So be warned. Also, tw: mild homophobia.

read part 1 here

read here on ao3 or if you’re on mobile

Sherwin can’t believe that he gets to stare at Jonathan without having to be ashamed now. And he can’t believe Jonathan, sometimes, catches him when he turns around in class, and his whole face lights up when he smiles at Sherwin and it’s beautiful.

Sherwin blushes and smiles back and then Jonathan blushes too and Tildy just sits next to Sherwin and giggles.

-

As nice as it is to know Jonathan likes him back, and as nice as it is when Jonathan hugs him in the morning before school and that they sometimes hold hands when noone sees, it’s still not easy.

Sherwin’s mom and dad are shocked at first when he tells them, crying, that his heart has chosen someone, and then they’re even more shocked when he tells them it’s a boy. 

His dad doesn’t say anything at first, and his mom says “Oh.”, and Sherwin can’t help but cry even harder. They don’t fight, because Sherwin doesn’t fight with his parents on principle, he just retreats into his bedroom and cries into his pillow and texts Jonathan who’s cute and asks if he can do anything, but he can’t really. 

An hour later, there’s a knock on his door, and it’s Mom. She comes in and sits on Sherwin’s bed with him and holds out a bowl of chocolate ice cream. “...I’m sorry, sweetie.”, she says, and Sherwin doesn’t look at her because he’s crying again, “Dad and I just... we didn’t expect that. Or maybe we just... didn’t pay enough attention.” She reaches out and pets his auburn curls. Her hair is the same color. 

“I was really scared to tell you.”, Sherwin whispers and wipes his nose with his sleeve. 

His mom sighs. “How long have you known?”

“A while.” Sherwin shrugs. “I thought if I just tried hard enough that feeling would go away...”

“Oh, Sher.” His mom puts the bowl down on his night stand and pulls him into her arms, hugging him tightly. “I’m so sorry you were so afraid. We love you, very much, no matter what. And if your heart has chosen this... boy for you, then he must be right for you. You have a good heart. It wouldn’t just pick anyone.” 

Sherwin wraps his arms around her, and it feels like, maybe, just maybe, everything’s gonna be okay. 

-

His dad needs a little longer to come around, and he’s a little weird around Sherwin for a while, but then, one morning, he offers to drop Sherwin off at school on his way to work. 

They sit in the car, and the radio plays some top 10 pop song Sherwin actually kind of likes, when his dad says: “So, are you gonna bring this boy around some time?”

Sherwin almost chokes. “Uh...yeah... I guess...?”

His dad grunts in response. “....s’he have a name?”

“Y-yeah.” Sherwin swallows, “....Jonathan.”

“Ah.”, his dad grunts again. 

They proceed to the school in silence, but Sherwin can’t help but smile when he waves at his dad as he drives away after dropping him off. 

-

The same evening, Frederick comes barging into Sherwin’s room. Sherwin is reading and texting Jonathan, but Fred just throws himself into Sherwin’s bed and grabs his book and phone, dropping them on the carpet. 

“So.” He grins at Sherwin, and Sherwin knows he’s gonna say something stupid or mean right now. 

“I can’t believe I’m the one you tell last!”

Sherwin furrows his eyebrows. “...what?” 

Fred huffs and smirks. “...that you’re in luuuuurve!” He draws out the word in a stupidly cheesy way, and Sherwin rolls his eyes while feeling his cheeks flush pink. 

“I had to hear it from my friend, whose little brother is in your year! And then mom tells me she and dad have known it for weeks now?! What the hell, brother?” Fred punches Sherwin’s arm, but not hard enough to really hurt. 

Sherwin tries to push him off, but Fred is bigger than he is and four years older. He’s also an idiot. “Because I knew you’d be mean about it!”

“When have I ever been mean about anything?!” Fred clutches his chest dramatically. Sherwin just looks at him with his eyebrows raised.

“...alright, alright. But I need to know who that guy is! I have to give him the classic ‘if you hurt my brother, I’ll kill you’-speech.” 

Sherwin blinks. This is oddly sweet. He had expected Fred to be stupid about it, tease him and be mean... but this? It’s actually really nice in Fred’s own, weird way. 

“...don’t do that please. I’ll only tell you who he is if you promise me you won’t do that!” Sherwin grabs his phone from the floor where Fred has tossed it before, and crosses his arms. 

“Psh.” Fred reaches for the phone. “I’m not making any promises. How did you even meet?” Sherwin glares at him until Fred sighs and slumps. “...alright, alright. I’m not gonna tease you, and I’m not gonna try and scare him. Only if he doesn’t treat you right. Now spill the beans.”

Sherwin glares at him some more, but eventually relaxes. “So, he transferred to our school some months ago...”

-

Jonathan’s parents don’t live together anymore, Sherwin knows by now. When Jonathan tells them (seperately), his mom reacts wonderfully, but his father tells him that he’s going to hell. 

It’s awful to see Jonathan cry, and Sherwin can’t help but feel guilty. Their hearts hold on to each other, nestled into Sherwin’s lap while he and Jonathan sit in Jonathan’s mom’s living room and Jonathan sniffles into his shoulder. 

“Dad and I don’t even get along, but... still.” Jonathan wipes his cheeks dry with his palm, and looks at Sherwin with his ocean colored eyes. “I wish he’d just... try to understand.”

“I’m sorry.”, Sherwin whispers and reaches out to wipe a teardrop from Jonatha’s chin. “Can I do anything?”

Jonathan shrugs. “...no... you being here and being you is already helping.”

“Okay.”, Sherwin replies, and lets Jonathan lean against him again.

-

At school, the response to their relationship varies.

Thanks to Sherwin’s traiterous heart, everyone knows about them, so there’s really no such things as a big coming out. 

Some people react poorly, and at first, the slurs yelled after them in the hallways hurt Sherwin. When he eventually tells him mom about it, she gets really angry and makes some very, very stern phone calls the next morning. 

It gets a little better after that, and it helps that Sherwin’s friends are all very supportive. Tildy is still ready to fight anyone who so much as looks at Sherwin (and Jonathan) wrong, and his other friends are all varying degrees of cool with it. 

One day, at lunch, a girl comes up to Sherwin. She’s in the grade below him, and he isn’t sure if her name is Angela or Angelica or something completely different. 

“...I just... I just wanted to say it’s nice knowing I’m not the only one at school.”, she tells him quietly, and he needs a moment to understand what she means by that, but then it clicks, and he smiles at her. She smiles back shyly. 

Sherwin keeps thinking about that short conversation the whole day, and it makes him smile.

-

They’re becoming friends at first, him and Jonathan. Even if their hearts have chosen each other, they’re still very young, and they barely know each other.

Sherwin’s mom thinks she needs to give him “the talk”, but when Sherwin (blushing crimson) tells her that he and Jonathan only hold hands and hug (and there won’t be anything else going on for a long time either), she looks very relieved. 

They watch lots of movies, and sometimes they just hang out together. Jonathan reads so many books every week, and sometimes, he reads out loud to Sherwin. Sherwin loves his voice, it’s soft and really nice, and sometimes he falls asleep when Jonathan reads to him. 

Sherwin learns that Jonathan has a dog named Kylie who likes stealing Jonathan’s lunch from the counter.

He learns that Jonathan’s favourite superhero is Wonder Woman. 

He learns that Jonathan loves oreos and hates snickerdoodles. 

He learns that Jonathan hates it when anything messes up his hair, but loves to run his fingers through Sherwin’s curls. 

He also learns that Jonathan gives the best hugs in the whole wide world.

-

They become inseperable. 

Sherwin’s parents love Jonathan. “Such a polite boy!”, his mom always cooes, and Sherwin’s chest fills with pride whenever she mentions it. Sherwin’s dad calls Jonathan “Jon.” and drives them to the movies or the lake.

His aunt gifts him a rainbow flag, and Jonathan helps him hang it up in his room. (They’re allowed alone in there, but only when Sherwin’s parents are home. It’s awfully embarrassing.)

“Tadaa!” Sherwin steps back and looks at their master piece. It’s a little crooked, and one corner flaps forward, but Sherwin is still very proud. 

Jonathan laughs. “We should have used pins instead of tape.”

Sherwin shrugs. “Eh. ...if it doesn’t hold, you’ll just have to come over again.” He turns to Jonathan and smiles. “...thank you, for helping me hang it up.” 

Jonathan smiles back and reaches for his hand. “...no problem.” 

Sherwin steps closer to him, and Jonathan reaches out and pulls him into one of those lovely, perfect hugs which Sherwin always melts into. 

“You know it’s actually called a pride flag?”, Jonathan says after a moment of quiet.

“Really?”, Sherwin asks, voice muffled by Jonathan’s sweater.

“Uh-huh.” Jonathan is quiet for a moment. “...I’m really proud to have you.”

Sherwin’s heart squeals happily and Sherwin hides his blushing face and huge smile in Jonathan’s shoulder.

-

High school is a little scary at first, but most of their friends are in the same class as them, and Sherwin gets to sit next to Jonathan in most classes. 

Jonathan has grown a lot, and Sherwin can’t believe he’s several inches taller than him by now. He kind of hopes that he’ll grow some more, too, but he also hopes that he doesn’t grow too much, because it’s really nice to snuggle his face into Jonathan’s chest. 

Homecoming approaches, and Sherwin is weirdly excited for it. As they watch older students hang up garlands and posters announcing it, Sherwin looks to Jonathan, who, nose buried in yet another book (”Simon vs. the Homo Sapien Agenda”, reads the cover), is slowly eating his salad. 

“Do you wanna go with me?”, Sherwin blurts out, and then blushes furiously. 

Jonathan looks up, a little startled. “...go where?”

Sherwin motions to the posters, “...homecoming.”

Jonathan follows his gesturing hand, and then blushes, too. He gives Sherwin a smile and nods. “Yeah, of course.”

“Cool.” Sherwin can’t help the huge grin that threatens to split his face in half.

-

After it’s over, they walk home together. They don’t live far apart, and Sherwin’s mom has promised to fetch him from Jonathan’s house. He hasn’t called her yet.

Sherwin’s wearing one of Fred’s old suits and a green button up and a matching tie. His mom couldn’t stop cooing over how handsome he looked before he left the house. 

Jonathan is wearing a suit, too, and Sherwin can’t stop looking at him. He looks kind of grown up, and really handsome. Sherwin is very proud that Jonathan is his... his boyfriend. 

“So... here we are...” Jonathan smiles sheepishly when they’re in front of his house. 

Sherwin smiles back equally as bashfully, and takes out his phone. “I’ll... I’ll text my mom.” He does, and she replies immediately. It takes her maybe five minutes until she’ll be here. 

“...that was really nice.” Jonathan smiles and rubs the back of his neck.

“Yeah, it really way.” They’re so close, best friends, or even more than that, but right now, the air feels all charged as if there are sparks flying. Sherwin’s heart is unusually quiet right now, but he can feel its excitement. 

Jonathan steps closer and reaches out, taking Sherwin’s hands in his. They’re suddenly really close together, and Sherwin’s real heart, the one in his chest, starts to race as he looks up at Jonathan. 

“Do you... do you want to kiss?”, Jonathan asks very quietly, and Sherwin’s gonna explode any second now. 

“Y-yeah.”, he replies equally as softly. 

“Okay.”, Jonathan whispers. For a moment, neither Jonathan nor Sherwin move.

“I...I think you need to stand on your tip toes.”, Jonathan sheepishly smiles. 

“Oh! Yeah. Yes. Okay.” Sherwin rocks forward onto the his tip toes so Jonathan’s face and his face are on the same level. Jonathan holds his hands firmly enough so he doesn’t lose balance. 

Before Sherwin can lose his nerves, he does probably the most courageous thing he’s ever done: he leans forward a little more and pecks at Jonathan’s lips. 

It’s quick, and quickly over, but it’s their first kiss. 

When Sherwin climbs into his mom’s car minutes later, he’s still blushing, and smiling from ear to ear. 

His mom just gives him a knowing look, but doesn’t comment. 

When Sherwin lies in bed later that night, and grins up to the ceiling, he thinks that maybe he’s a little glad that his heart is such a little traitor. 

[briteboy]

WHO is Santi and WHERE is his face?

i am LIVING for your warm & colorful posts right now!! your editing is so amazing and it brightens my day everytime i see a new post of yours *.*

THANK YOU!!!! <3 i am so happy/relieved to be using warm colors once more, i feel like myself again. don’t get me wrong, i do like evoking different moods, but sometimes (a lot of the time, especially with santi) too much is too much. today’s posts were HOPEfully my last emo edits..............for now

LOL I actually made a comment about Fiona naming a cat/dog (once Pets comes out) Rodrigo. I'll go back underground now haha (still a great story, cant wait to read more) -Runaway NONY

OH I DIDN’T EVEN SEE THAT wtf. either tumblr ate it or i accidentally scrolled past it i’m sorry. i always enjoy seeing messages from anons who return to my inbox! but lmAO that’s a good idea. i actually met the most perfect dog today and now i know the breed and name of dog santi needs immediately

Hii! If you dont mind me askin, how do you edit your darker screenshots? I always end up making them too light or too dark to see a thing :( Thank you!

hmmm idk what to tell you about making them too light or too dark, because that’s a very specific thing that really depends on the picture. BUT i know that the dodge tool is my bff for brightening up dark pictures while still retaining some of the darker elements you want in them (aversely, the burn tool will help darken parts), messing with the exposure can also really help, coloring can also help too, selective color is my bff especially with blue shadows and orangey skin...this is kind of a broad answer, i’m sorry, but if you needed help with something specific, let me know!

I remember you answered an ask and said you drew tears when you edit right? Is there a reason you don't use CC tears?

i answered this like two weeks ago but i can’t find it so whateveR i’ve used cc tears a few times but there’s only like three of those in existence and my characters have cried a LOT. i feel like it would be kinda weird if they had the same tears every time. also there are just some variations that i like to customize myself by drawing, like sometimes they’ll be full on sobbing, sometimes just one single tear...it just depends on the situation, that’s why i draw ‘em.

Santi is my favorite Harvest Moon character.

idk shit about harvest moon so idk how to respond to this :[ here’s a small picture of michael cera with a cactus

Would you recommend buying a macbook for playing sims?

if a macbook is what you already have, then yeah, i’d say it suffices without many problems. if you’re specifically going out and buying a computer with the knowledge that you’ll be playing sims on it, then mmmmmm i’d probably say no...but it also depends on if you’re like gonna get REALLY into storytelling and cc n shit or if it’s just casual gameplay with a mods folder that’s like 5 gb or less...if it’s the latter i think it should also be fine. but yeah it just depends on what kind of gaming you’re planning on doing.

How can I read your story from the beginning? Is there a link or something? I keep seeing it on my feet and it looks so great!

thank you! there’s a button at the top of my page that says “story directory” but if you’re on mobile you can just go here or copy this link: http://femmesim.tumblr.com/tagged/story/chrono

I've talked to u like once before and I'm to shy to talk to u again... Why am I like fish?

This**

we are all like fish if you really think about it lmao but really just reach out my dude! if we talked once then y’know you already broke the ice so just go for it!! i am here and ready to talk about all the things under the sun

Do you use Topaz Clean?

yep

hi hello so maybe I am just a blind bean but may I ask how in god's name do you get your images to be so crisp? I have everything set up, but it seems as if when I do my thing in Photoshop, everything turns out lookin like a blobfish. I'm not sure if you use another person's topaz settings or if you have your own. Thank you so much if you do respond bc I was too much of a wuss to message you *cries in Spanish*

OMG well it’s mostly just resizing, smart sharpening, and most importantly topaz clean (see above) that makes them so crisp. i also use the sharpen tool on sims’ faces, and the smudge tool when something is particularly pixelated or whatever. everything i do is listed in here! UR NOT A WUSS *hugs you in spanish*

youre my inspiration to be a better writer. I know i'm good and giving characters depth and backgrounds and coming up with a rough story idea. but i rush things and i'm not great at putting it into a good story so ya. My story on simblr started out as casual gameplay but i wanted it to be more and i'm trying to get better @ everything

OMG ;_________; it sounds like you are a good writer already, and it’s awesome that you recognize your strengths while also acknowledging that you need to work on some things as well. i try to do the same and i think that’s what keeps me level headed. it sounds like you just need to dedicate some time to planning, that way you start to realize all the nuances of your story that come together to flesh out that initial rough idea. you seem to have a positive attitude, so that’s great!! you’re already getting better and better, i know it <3

now Santi's song is Post Malone - Congratulations

OMF LMAO u sent this when santi finally got to mexico and it’s fitting

sos i was listening to the song fight song by rachel platten when i saw the photoset of santi making it to mexico and now i can't stop ugly crying please make it stop

omG i see it TAKE BACK UR LIFE SANTI U GOT THIS

This is so random but like, can I just say that you're so amazing like?? Why?? You're so sweet and funny and I love you very much ok

AKJSKJDFKJS THANK YOU THIS IS SO NICEEEE ;-; i try but a lot of the time i feel like a sarcastic asshole lmao thank u for thinking otherwise <3

Am I the only one who's like... really mad about pets being NPCs? I just feel like being able to control them was the best part. I don't really feel like the EP is worth it without them. Like, don't get me wrong, I understand that the team worked really hard on it, but I feel like they didn't do it as well as they could have.

hmm i’m kind of meh on that front because like on one hand i did like controlling pets and the novelty of the fact that you could just see their different interactions firsthand, but ultimately i think i’m okay with not controlling them because it makes it more realistic for me and honestly they’re probably more likely to take care of themselves a little bit more if they’re automated, because i’m just thinking about ts3 pets and how i literally had to make them go pee outside otherwise they’d pee in the house...even if they were well trained and stuff lmao. plus there might be a cheat or mod that lets you control them, like there was in ts2? so don’t lose hope yet.

hey your blog is AWESOME, i read through your stories in a day and am obsessed (kind of in love with gianni) ❤ what are some of your favorite ts4 blogs? i'm trying to find more awesome blogs to read through during my miserable journey of trying to get the game to work on my computer lol

heyo here’s some! thank you btw, and i hope your miserable journey ends soon :{

(I really need to get this off my chest) ok so my aunt is currently in a critical condition after having a kidney failure and she's in desperate need for a new one and I'm the only one in my family that's a match (so far) but I'm not allowed to donate bc I myself have severe health issues affecting my day to day life that would make it extremely dangerous for me to remove a kidney. I'm so fucking frustrated you don't understand like I just want to cry most of the time

first off i’m so sorry that this is even happening to you ;__; and you’re an amazing person for being willing to help out your aunt like that, so just know it isn’t your fault that you’re unable to. don’t guilt yourself for it okay? is there any other possible donor at all? i wanna know how this situation ends up. i really hope your aunt will be okay. just stay close to your family for support and don’t blame yourself.

how did you get photoshop for free? I'm trying to find a link that won't give me a virus, but I had no luck yet

the pirate bay is ur friend

Ok I gotta rant. GoT does NOT deserve the hype/amazing ratings. Like, sure the cinematography is pretty great and they have ok actors but the freaking script is so mediocre I actually think I could write a better one. Me. A 16 y/o tiny child. There are so much better shows out there! Hell, even Supernatural has a better script than GoT

whenever ppl agree with me about how much GoT sucks i grow stronger and stronger even the actors are iffy at this point. watching daenerys act is painful, jon snow is wooden as hell, it’s just bad. ur 16 yr old self has more potential than these writers tbh. it’s just completely mediocre; it started out as something great because it followed the same layered storytelling pattern as the books, but it’s diverged from that completely because the writers got too caught up in the hype. and you’re right, it doesn’t deserve that hype! omfdkjsgkj i’ve never watched supernatural but i haven’t heard good things. that’s a low bar

[moonraccoon-exe]

Bruh! Can you imagine how freaking adorable female Prompto would be?! (high pitched pre-teen fangirl squeal)

BRUH.

Bruh, female Prompto would be both the most adorable thing ever and also one of the sexiest women out there, like BRUH.

Just imagine her with her Crownsguard uniform. The punk-ish style to it. The band to the arm. Ohmygod the blonde long hair, or even short. 

BRUH, imagine the quantity of bra jokes that there could be. All the puns. Bruh, fem!Prompto going awkward in from of Cindy. HER FRECKLES. Bruh, she would be so pretty, ohmygod, if Prom’s already relatively short, I imagine maybe Female Prompto is even shorter, like imagine her on the journey with male Gladio, ahaha, the height differences must be ridiculous but it only makes her 1. cuter 2. EVEN MORE BADASS because she’s completely rocking her way through Lucis!

Ohmygod, Promptelle would be SO VERY BADASS. Bonus points if she’s the only female, because DAMN SON, they’d all think she’s the adorable happy-go-lucky girl of the group but she could murder you (just like our sweet lil Prompto, tbh). 

DUDE, imagine Female Prompto during battle. LIKE WOW. Look at that girl, completely rocking and blasting her way through...very literally. Blowing up shit and shooting those MT Troopers. 

The quantity of hairstyle jokes. All the period jokes and puns. 

EPISODE PROMPTO BUT WITH FEMALE PROMPTO ASKDJLGLJSDFJS

Just look at that girl, completely blasting through that prison, silently murdering those guards, shooting from afar all those troopers. Female Prompto’s using that snow mobile and escaping the heck outta there because SHE CAN. Omfg, Female Prompto teaming up with Aranea. Look-loOK AT THESE GIRLS, OHMYGOD, THEY’RE BLOWING UP AN ENTIRE NIFLHEIM FACILITY AND DESTROYING DAEMON DICK LORD.

Ohmygod, female Prompto’s stretch marks would have a little more emphasis; not that boys suffer less from them than girls, but you know how the world and history had made it a bit harder on the public matter for women, so yeah. She SO wants to be friends with prince/princess Noctis, but she’s this fat girl insecure of her looks, so she loses weight. But the stretch marks are still there. Omfg, poor female Prompto may be a bit insecure about them...maybe like canon Prompto, we don’t know ;_____;

Man, I keep picturing fem Prompto. She looks SO GOOD. All these sweet smiles. Her way of standing up against Gladio, you know, in that one scene where Ignis is saying he could or not bow out depending on how things go. Imagine it’s normal Gladio. BRUH, 1000 points to female Prompto for that brave “Yeah, well, then we should let Ignis choose.” 

Omg, Gladio/FemGladio shoving Fem Prompto away, ahaha, I shouldn’t have laughed, it’s terrible and sad ;______;

Look at that girl. She just stole a Speeder from the Nifs and is flying around Altissia and getting ridiculously close to a raging Leviathan and she does it like it’s a stroll through the park because SHE IS THAT FUCKING AMAZING AND BRAVE. 

Aaw, sweet fem Prompto taking care of Ignis/FemIgnis. You know, in that cutscene post Leviathan battle and all during chapter 10 whenever Ig stumbles ;___;

Look at that girl. She just f*cking dAMN SHOT ARDYN ON THE BACK COMPLETELY SHAMELESSLY AND WITH NO HESITATION. Omfgosdfkldg, look at that girl she’s AMAZING AND I LOVE HER WAY TOO MUCH I’M NOT UPSET SHE’S NOT A REAL THING.

SQUARE ENIX WE’RE NOT ASKING FOR MUCH.

[aquarianlights]

Hey I just have a question, as a transboy do you wear a binder on a daily basis and how do you deal in the summer if it's hot where you are? I find that it's extremely uncomfortable when it's hot to wear an extra layer and I'm just wondering if you know of any like lighter solutions than a normal binder? Xx

I actually don’t know any lighter solutions to binders, tbh. :/ I’m sorry. My favourite binder is from a company…uhm…GC2B? Or uh…something like that. Anyways…it’s absolutely amazing. And it’s actually rather breatheable, surprisingly. It does still get hot af, though. But I mean…during the summer, if you ARE going to wear binders…wear the ones that only cover the bare minimum. Like…only ones that cover your chest and nothing else. It helps with the heat problem a bunch. 😣 Coz I mean…if you don’t wear a binder, you’re probably gonna wear a bra (I hope???) so that’s still an extra layer in a sense but holy fuck bras are SO MUCH MORE BREATHEABLE THAN BINDERS. Not to mention they don’t squeeze you like binders do. “But that’s common sense, Riles. Don’t even go there.” Okay okay sorry. Tangent.

BUT. To answer your other question…I don’t always bind in the summer for the heat reasons. If I know I’m gonna be outside for more than 30 minutes, I don’t wear a binder. I am susceptible to heat exhaustion because of my medications so I have to be really careful. Not to mention, I get hot as fuck SO easily…and it puts me in SUCH a bad mood, that if someone even so much as rubbed me the wrong way, I would probably snap their neck off. You have no idea how many physical fights I have gotten into simply because it was too hot out and I had been in the sun too long. Fucking hell, I mean, …with what global warming (cough humans cough) is doing to this planet, I would not even be surprised if wearing a binder could KILL YOU in this heat. I mean, in case you missed it, things are literally MELTING in Arizona. Like. Fuck, dude. ._. Idk about you, but, being psychologically tortured and uncomfortable is better than dying of heat stroke or heat exhaustion or yknow…being literally cooked alive from the inside out. So no I don’t really wear binders during the summer. Or hot months in general.

I don’t always wear a binder when it’s comfortable out, either. I have to outwardly portray as female around my family so I don’t get beaten or yelled at or locked up. I also outwardly portray as female when I’m at home in the south. Basically because I’m scared of getting raped or shot or burned alive or whatever. I have had cis men shout at me that they want to “rape the girl back into me” and I have had a gun pointed to my head over my expressing myself as male outwardly. So…I mean…I’m just…scared, tbh. And since I’m in MA SURROUNDED BY FAMILY (aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, cousins, second cousins, third cousins, …I mean…holy wow, practically my whole damn family is up here so I’m constantly in the presence of everyone AND their friends) I just don’t bother binding. However…I have fairly small breasts and I always wear a bra that tucks them close to my chest in a comfortable way (not always a sports bra). So when I put on my clothes over that…it really only looks like I have little raises on my chest. You can barely tell at all. I mean, yes, you can tell…but it covers it pretty nicely. Helps that my breasts are really small.

But…I do think that I’m gonna start binding when I go to family things now. Coz after talking to one of my second cousins, I have found out that our family is pretty open to the LGBTQIA+ population…as we have QUITE A FEW lesbians and gays in our family. I think I’m the only transgender one, though. But some…a lot…of my family knows what transgender is (surprisingly, even a lot of my older 40-50+ aged family memebers know transgender things)…and I came out to a lot of people I felt it was safe to come out to so far…so I mean…I feel like when my mom introduces me as my birth name, I am going to start stepping up and saying “Please. Call me Riley. I am transgender and I don’t go by that name anymore.” Because I’m finding out that…the north is a LOT more accepting of us than the south is. Like…I don’t feel like I’m gonna get raped or murdered here if I go out of the house with my chest bound and portrayed as outwardly male. So I’m gonna start doing that…coz, I mean… I’m going to be getting on hormones anyways so my family will find out EVENTUALLY ANYWAYS. WHY NOT NOW. UGH.

Fuck. Tangent…sorry, mate. Lol.

But ANYWAYS…to answer your questions:No, I don’t know any cooler options to a binder. If any of my followers know, PLEASE shoot me an ask to publish or respond to this ask in the thread.No, I don’t wear a binder in the summer.

And, yes, I’m completely downplaying how utterly PHYSICALLY ILL it makes me feel to go outside outwardly portraying as female…but I will be damned if I end up passing out in the middle of Boston because I couldn’t handle taking my binder off. I do NOT want to die…and that would be an EXTREMELY painful way to die. And YES the dysphoria it causes makes me FEEL like I’m dying, but…fuck it. I can’t handle heat, man…the way the binders squeeze me makes the heat thing even more unbearable. And binders+heat=panic attacks for me. Coz I feel like I can’t breathe.

So…man…the only thing I can advise is invest in some bras that push your breasts down. Sports bras are a good way to start…but I found some that are a lot softer than that, push without it FEELING like it’s pushing, and gently cup your boobs on the inside with super soft breatheable material. And most of it is netted material…so it’s nice and breatheable. I think I got them at Target? Maybe Wal-Mart. Fuck, I can’t remember.

But I SERIOUSLY recommend getting a binder from these GC2B people. I forget if that’s the right name of the company…I will edit this when I can google it. Sorry. I’m on mobile. BUT ANYWAYS dude lemme fuckin tell you about these badass binders okay. 😎 Like holy fuck where do I start. They’re fashionable, they’re breatheable, they fit like a glove when you get the right size (and omg they have AMAZING staff and customer support that will help you return yours if it’s not the right size and exchange it for another size), they don’t squeeze you to death, they’re made of REALLY nice material, they don’t pull on your shoulders, they come in a variety of colours and skin tones and different models, they’re extremely durable…and they do the job they’re designed to do. And they do it DAMN WELL. When I put mine on, you can’t tell I have boobs at all. It chisels my chest into nice pecs. Like…I could not ask for a better binder. They’re not super expensive either. I mean…yeah, they cost a good bit, but they’re not “expensive”. They cost a COMPLETELY fair amount. And I PROMISE YOU they will help you find your right size no matter how many times you have to exchange sizes. And yes they have a measuring chart…like every FTM shop should!

But anyways I’m going on another tangent.

I’m really sorry I couldn’t answer your questions…Sometimes I wear baggy tops to cover my chest when I’m feeling more dysphoric than usual. And I feel dysphoric every time I don’t bind my chest. So summer fucking sucks. Stay indoors…lol. That’s the best advice…if you do things indoors, a binder shouldn’t be a problem. A/C is a fucking miracle, tbh. 😧

If anyone has any answers or personal experience to share for this lovely person, PLEASE hit up my inbox so I can publish it…or reply to this thread so nons can keep track of it. 🙂

Ily nonny! I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I know that feel all too well… I really hope you find a solution that helps with the awful dysphoria. :/ And if you DO figure out something on your own…PLEASE come back and let me know. I would love to be able to comfortably bind during the summer without being cooked alive by the sun. Lol.

[foxykey]

BTS Hogwarts!AU

Okay so this is going to be an idea dump, I don’t actually have any fics in mind for this (or at least none yet but who knows). Basically, I’ve seen a couple of hogwarts houses castings for the BTS boys and I wanted to do one of my own with my reasons for each casting. These are - of course - just my personal opinions. Hope you guys enjoy! Disclaimer: I’m doing this on mobile so i’ll prolly have to go back and edit it a bit later if it seems weird. You all know what a bitch mobile is :/ - Jin: Gryffindor. I think a lot of people tend to create these one-dimensional ideas for idols in their heads (not on purpose or anything but it happens) and Jin is certainly a HUGE victim of this trend. A lot of people tend to oversimplify him as sweet and kind and motherly - which he can be. But Jin can also be kind of a dick, which I fucking love. He doesn’t actually take any shit from anyone and that doesn’t at all take away from how kind and good a person he is or how much he cares for others. He’s just kinda an asshole as well. Jin is bold and confident and also chivalrous. Kind and good, but can be an ass too. Way too into himself for his own good and also sometimes overcompensates. - Yoongi: Hufflepuff. Yoongi is usually put in Slytherin and I totally get that: cunning, ambitious, resourceful. But when I was brushing up on the core values of each house, I read literally the opening description of Hufflepuff and if that didn’t scream the real Yoongi to me idk what did. “Hufflepuff values hard work, dedication, patience, loyalty, and fair play.” He fudges a bit on the fair play (cheating lil shit), but everything else makes so, so much sense to me. I think he’d be a Hufflepuff, but one of the ones people see as an outlier; like the sorting doesn’t seem to make any sense until you actually get to know him and then it makes all the sense in the entire world. - Hoseok: Slytherin. This one took me a while to decide on, actually and i’ll explain why. I think Hobi can be a lot of things. Like he could 100% be a Hufflepuff and that’s where he is most often sorted. But also he’d actually make a really good Slytherin and he’d make a good Gryffindor, too, and you could even make an argument for him being in Ravenclaw. He has qualities that pertain to every house and qualities that contradict every house, too. I think Hobi would be one of those people who gets sorted into a house because he WANTS to be there because he could be good in any house. I was caught between Hufflepuff and Slytherin mostly. In the end I went with Slytherin because the concept of Hoseok in that house fascinates me. He’s also another victim of people shoehorning him into one dimension/idea. Yeah, Hobi is literal sunshine and loud and goofy and cheerful, but his members have also often said that he’s vicious and you don’t want to mess with him or catch him when he’s in a mood because he’ll whip your ass. Hoseok is pretty freaking bullheaded af and he’s definitely ambitious. - Namjoon: Ravenclaw. You could make a really great argument for him being a Gryffindor, but I’m going to have to stick with the quintessential casting of him as a Ravenclaw. I think Namjoon is driven by seeking knowledge and he’s just very much one of those people who is super a model of what their house represents. He also seems very much like a person who goes through life breaking things down into problems and solutions and we all know he spends most of his time on twitter philosophizing about life, etc. - Jimin: Slytherin. Jimin is another one who kind of can have an argument made to place him in almost all the houses (excluding Ravenclaw, imo, I just don’t think it fits him). However, I actually think he would be Slytherin more than anything else. Jimin super dedicated to his craft and he fights for it. He’s such a hard working and he’s ambitious as all hell and he’s always fighting to improve himself. Jimin just has this strong, unbendable resolve to always be better and strive for perfection that I think would be so well-honed in Slytherin. - Taehyung: Gryffindor. Gryffindor all the way. Loud, brash, bold, unapologetic. Taehyung isn’t afraid at all to take leaps and chances. I’ve seen a lot of people sort him into Hufflepuff as well, but I kind of think he’d be a Gryffindor. He’d be the really weird kid in Gryffindor tho, but not the one you would question as to why he’s there in the first place. - Jungkook: Ravenclaw. Okay, okay, I know this one seems super out of left field. People usually cast him as Gryffindor or Slytherin (both of which I get), but I think he’d be such a great Ravenclaw and hear me out. So there’s this basic idea/theory that the Sorting Hat either sorts you based on qualities you have or qualities you admire and strive for. Ravenclaw’s core essentials are wit and knowledge and intelligence. People are always up his ass about how he isn’t good at math, but Jungkook is smarter than hell and he obviously admires that trait highly. He admires the hell out of Namjoon for his intelligence. He’s also super witty, another trait he highly admires. It’s evident as hell if you just watch him, at least to me. So I’m sticking with him in Ravenclaw. Also, it’s very appealing to me that he’d be in a house with Namjoon. A FEW OTHER RANDOM DETAILS OF THIS UNIVERSE: - Jin would be a prefect for Gryffindor - He would also be that super, crazy popular guy everyone is batshit in love with - the one you’d hate from afar and gag and be like “ugh why do people degrade themselves over such a conceited prick??” - but then you can’t help being charmed by and totally getting a crush (regular, friend, boy, etc. all and ay type of crush) on when you actually get to know him - Namjoon would also be a prefect for Ravenclaw - and he’d be that super chill prefect everyone admires the hell out of - the one who lets a lot of stupid shit slide - but will 100% call you out when you fuck up - and then you feel small and you hate that you feel like you disappointed him - yoongi would probably be a prefect for hufflepuff too (nerd ❤️) - Yoongi’s and jimin and hoseok hang around all the time - like theyre this sort of click - inseparable - you very much want to sit with them at lunch except how could you??? you are in no way on their level ffs pls look at them - so many ppl constantly ask Yoongi why hes not in slytherin - and hobi and jimin are always like "yeah yoongs why arent you in the best house ever ?? Hyuk hyuk hyuk" - and Yoongi just rolls his eyes and just spits out a savage ass comment and walks away as the other two idiots follow still laughing - because jimin and Hobi would be annoyingly loud about their house loyalty - like they’d always mention it and always bring it up like.... - "srsly stfu no one cares how much you wish you could suck Salazar Slytherin's cock" - "i would totally suck his cock you're just jealous that his was bigger than your stupid founder's cock anyway hahahaha" - Hobi and jimin would also be on the quidditch team - both chasers - craaaaaaaazy good - untouchable - wow - such grace in the air, such finesse, such speed - taehyung would be on the Gryffindor quidditch team except he'd 1000000% be a beater - he'd have girls (and guys lbrh) eating out of his hand swooning over him - "omg he's so sweet and so good-looking and so funny !!!!!" - "such a puppy" - "what a gentle precious soul" - "uuuuhhh...... he literally knocked some dude unconscious last game" - "an obvious misunderstanding for he is a gentle pup" - jungkook would be the seeker for ravenclaw - golden maknae takes whole new meaning - the other teams would constantly be accusing him of cheating because - "how tf does he always find fucking snitch so fast ????? def cheating" - super admired and fawned over - gets lots of... attention........... if ya catch my drift - except he's an awkward shy moron who doesn't do well meeting new people - often shelters himself behind namjoon, who - lbh -isnt any help - completely different on and off the field - crazy intelligent but kind of a mess in class actually - "how are you even a Ravenclaw??" - "stfu tae eat dick like you're such a great student" - omg i'm crying excuse me thats the end for now

[damienthepious]

TELL US ABOUT ALL THE OCS!! ilandere, kalinda, callise, enna, lerato, raske, blacklight, clamor, bonny, vmni !!!

OKAY OMG THANK YOU I LOVE YOU BUT ALSO THIS IS GONNA BE THE LONGEST POST EVER SO IT’S GOOOOING UNDER A CUT

like . no capslock to show how srs i am this is the longest post ever fair warning

I AM THE LEAST CONCISE PERSON IN HISTORY dear mobile users I AM SORRY, also i spent so much time writing all these it’s a little ridiculous?? wow

Ilandere [my daughter my darling baby girl] [novel character - sci fi - sisterworlds!verse]

Full Name: Ilandere CirilaGender and Sexuality: she’s a gal and… errrr demisexual lesbian??? aro/ace with an exception???? she is in love with one woman and. that is kind of the end-all-be-all of her sexualityPronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: Human, but non-earth human so it’s hard to say exact ethnicity? hold up i know i have a pic, and Set you (you wonderful person you) asked for a pic in another ask so… 

ignore the self-deprecation, pls, she’s got brown skin and freckles and long wavy hair and bright… bright teal eyes…

Birthplace and Birthdate: Er. non-earth again so. 17 Eshana moon, year 305 of the imperial calendar, which means nothing to nobody, and she was born in out in the suburban sprawl near Asmara cityGuilty Pleasures: fairy tales. she’s kind of a…. scientific prodigy, and ‘frivolous’ pursuits are kind of frowned upon in her culture, so she keeps her interest in fairy tales and mythology on the dl for the most partPhobias: well. ilandere, you see, works primarily on the theoretical physics of portals, so she has a fairly… deep seated, and very well informed… fear of portal fragging. like. being partway through a portal when it closes? being…. cut in pieces by a portal ceasing to be. that…. terrifies her, at the deepest level.What They Would Be Famous For: Oh well she’s kind of a mathematical genius? and she kind of is famous for that? she’s ‘one of the most promising scientific minds of her generation’What They Would Get Arrested For: um. not returning library books on time. is literally the ONLY THING i can think of.OC You Ship Them With: Kalinda :3OC Most Likely To Murder Them: holy shit. nobody in the fucking multiverse are you kidding. she is. the sweetest and kindest person. in those ‘should you fight’ memes she’s the fucking one who gets ‘yeah you can beat her but WHY WOuLD YOU WANT TO YOU MONSTER’Favorite Movie/Book Genre: she doesn’t much watch movies or plays, she has a really hard time keeping focus on them and she tends to get distracted by ideas for her work halfway through. books tho! she is literally always reading! she loves to read math books straight up. lil nerd. she likes biographies too, and, seeeecretly, mythology & fairy tale booksLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Nerd Girl Gets Makeover And Suddenly Has Straight Hair And Doesn’t Need Her Glasses And Is Pretty Now Really And Suddenly Deserves The Boy!!!!! like ew she hates that shit as both a nerd and as someone who has less than zero interest in boys.Talents and/or Powers: Did I already say math genius? p sure yeah. Also. and this is something she doesn’t know anything about. Something that’s literally just meta knowledge that I know. She has a sort of…. aura of influence? She’s magnetic. She just attracts attention (positive or negative) naturally, wherever she goes, without meaning to or really trying.Why Someone Might Love Them: She is. Bubbly and enthusiastic, she is brilliant and bright and generous and chipper and she’s. my baby.Why Someone Might Hate Them: she…. can get really caught up in herself? she might forget about everything around her because of whatever she’s working on just then? She’s also not… particularly humble? she’s not a braggart but she also doesn’t know how to… downplay her skills for other people’s comfort? like, her attention grabbing aura will occasionally breed… jealousy and spite? but frankly it usually doesn’t last past actually getting to know her.How They Change: !!!!! I’ll tell you when i actually write the book!!!!!! no but really she is eventually supposed to learn how to live in the moment, to…. really see other people around her? to realize that the world around her isn’t some dream she’ll wake up from to start having a ‘real life’, if that makes sense? she has an all-encompassing goal for much of her story that she lets absolutely consume her, and she sort of… learns eventually… that that was something of a mistake, even though she does get what she wants in the end. She missed out on her friends and family while they were right there with her.Why You Love Them: real talk tho ilandere and kalinda together were some of my first Real, Serious OCs. they were…. between the two of them, they were me exploring my sexuality. they were me becoming okay with liking ladies. and they’ve both grown just. just sooooo much with me. ilandere -  i played her and kalinda in this big fun larp my now-bf was running, and they really helped me build my storytelling, build my acting. Ilandere was a soft, brainy kid stuck with a bunch of fighters, and she could still keep up and prove her value with her mind and her talents and her generosity of spirit, and i love her so. so so very much. She’s grown with me too- she helped me come to terms with my autism, and i realized that i had always played her- with that part of me? her odd speech patterns, her social skills that she worked so hard on but didn’t come easily to her, her stimming! she is just- i can’t emphasize enough how much she means to me, as a character, as an extension of myself.

Kalinda [novel character - fantasy- sisterworlds!verse]

Full Name: Kalinda Flint Beryl (look gemstone surnames are really common on her world it’s totally not weird)Gender and Sexuality: lesbian!Pronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: non-earth human again, i’ve been revamping her look lately so i don’t actually have a faceclaim or anything yet, but i think like, in earth terms she’d be southeast asian? maybe?Birthplace and Birthdate: urgh uh midsummer in the year 1105 AK (she is two years older than Ilandere, as far as that relativity nonsense goes, since they’re from…… different fucking planets), and she was born out in the countryside, in her mum’s cottageGuilty Pleasures: pretty much… everything? she doesn’t actually…. spend any intentional time on pleasure? she kind of deprives herself of anything that could distract her from her goals, at all. So like. enjoying a fucking sunset for two seconds would make her feel guilty and pissed off.Phobias: claustrophobia, and also certain specific types of magic? like the kind of…. ancient, deep magic that lives in the bones of the earth, that lives in the void between stars, that lives in the undercurrents of death. that kind of magic.What They Would Be Famous For: She’s a fairly skilled swordsmith, a fairly skilled mage, and a fairly skilled fighter all around, but she’s none of those things enough to be really…. famous for them?What They Would Get Arrested For: hahahaha i didn’t think about this when i wrote Ilandere’s but. straight up for stealing books. that has. actually happened.OC You Ship Them With: Ilandere!!!!! :DOC Most Likely To Murder Them: Hrm. She has a parental figure, her smithing mentor? who is pretty dang peeved off at Kalinda for the. like. the way she chose to live her life? but prooooobably only enough to. y’know. smack her around a bit in frustrated affection? yeah.Favorite Movie/Book Genre: magic…. tomes…. she hasn’t read for fun since childhood, alasLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: she seriously Does Not CareTalents and/or Powers: She’s a spellsword, and her magic specialization is like, some weird combination of nature/flora magic and… void magic.Why Someone Might Love Them: she has a central core of tempered steel. she is strong and unwavering. and despite her insistence on prioritizing her own goals above all else, she will still stop to help others if she sees them in trouble (tho she might pretend to grumble about it). Why Someone Might Hate Them: she’s also kind of unapproachable, and could possible be seen as… like…. heartless? she’s very very good at acting like she doesn’t care about other people, provided they aren’t in immediate danger. and she just doesn’t have the fucking time of day for small talk or petty problems, and she’s spent so much time on her own that her social skills completely suckHow They Change: she keeps that steely incorruptible core, but she slowly, painfully learns to soften her edges. to actually value the cliche and stop to smell the roses. it’s not easy to transition into finally having what you spent your whole life wanting, but eventually… she learns to take comfort as it comes.Why You Love Them: All the reasons in the same section of Ilandere’s set, because these two babes area package deal with me. Also, because i am a spiteful creator and i am sick to death of ‘tuff gurl is straight 2 break stereotypes!’ and Kalinda is my short haired, sword slinging, hard-scrabble, tough-as-nails, lesbian baby. Kalinda helped me learn to be… unapologetic.

Callise [rp character]

Full Name: she… doesn’t have one? her actual designation is ‘Calypso’, but she does not know that.Gender and Sexuality: she’s bi, and she might, eventually, come to understand herself as nonbinary? but she doesn’t do a lot of introspection so for all intents & purposes she’s a woman.Pronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: human/living portal storm??????Birthplace and Birthdate: in… a lab…. at some undisclosed time…. that no one knows anymore because that dimension….. is gone… holy shit why am i like thisGuilty Pleasures: ohhhh she does not believe in this concept at all. Callise is sort of a live-for-the-moment um. hedonist? look she suffers a LOT throughout her nonsense life so she isn’t gonna care about eating some fuckign cake or having some sex, ya dig?Phobias: enclosed spaces, being restrained, deserts, starving to deathWhat They Would Be Famous For: ????? being….. fucked the fuck up???? and feral?????????What They Would Get Arrested For: literally not giving an entire shit about the laws of any fucking world she’s onOC You Ship Them With: a glass of warm milk & a fucking good night’s sleepOC Most Likely To Murder Them: anyone… who is easily scared by teeth gnashing and snarling i suppose?Favorite Movie/Book Genre: she doesn’t consume a LOT of media? and she typically can’t read the languages on the worlds she’s stuck on? but she fucking loves popcorn action movies and shitty comedies and just stuff that’s Fun she doesn’t have to think about at alllllll Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: …. evil scientists are a genuine trigger for herTalents and/or Powers: um. she’s. her physical form is irretrievably merged with a portal storm. like, a storm in spacetime that punches holes into various multiversal dimensions? she can sometimes control it? in little bits? but mostly it manifests as the storm completely… demolishing whatever world she’s in at that moment? usually it takes a few years after she comes to a place, but eventually the storm will ‘catch up’ to her, and the longer she’s been there the worse it will be, and then the storm will fuck up the world and…. kill her. and she will wake up on the next world. if she dies in another way, she’ll wake up in the next place anyway regardless. she really, really doesn’t understand it, not even to the point of knowing that she is the storm. she thinks the storm is chasing her.Why Someone Might Love Them: she’s…. uh… very honestly herself? she is 10000% in the moment and earnest about everything. she has no deception whatsoever within herself. Why Someone Might Hate Them: … she has no deception whatsoever within herself. she is indescribably blunt. she is… kind of animalistic and violent and doesn’t care about laws or social rules and she does things, sometimes, on the smallest fucking whim, including occasionally biting people??? and punching things and people for fun??? like she loves fighting people and sometimes it’s sort of foreplay too??? and breaking stuff just to break stuff? so… yeahHow They Change: oh Cal changes so much over the course of her long, long, looooooong life, and not always for the better? she kind of slips…. depending on how she’s treated on each world she portals to, she slips in and out of feral!Cal mode? if she’s chased and hunted, if she’s locked up, if she’s treated with violence, she’ll go wild. She, as a character, kind of reflects how she’s treated at any given time? Why You Love Them: she’s my monster child. i mean, she’s kind of a vent character? and because of her nature, i can slip her into any sort of narrative i feel like atm, which makes her a pretty fun rp character. if she dies, she dies! that particular narrative is donezo, oh well, but she gets to run off and have adventures somewhere else! it’s really fun

Enna [novel character - fantasy - elementals!verse]

Full Name: *rubs my horrible hands together* okay there is a reincarnation component to the is character so??? the first name she was given was Endellion Devlin, her title is Phoenix, and she’s had like eighteen other names including Aideen Lucero and Shea EdenGender and Sexuality: bisexual, and genderfluid between usually a woman and agender or male more occasionallyPronouns:depends what gender she’s feeling, so usually she/herEthnicity/Species: human/elemental, and bc of that reincarnation element her ethnicity changes from lifetime to lifetimeBirthplace and Birthdate: er. lots of different ones? again with the non-earth world. i’m quite predictable on that front. (i kind of hate/suck at writing plain old earth)Guilty Pleasures: hmm…. well…. she feels a bit… low-key guilty about… how much she enjoys fighting? like the physical act of fighting, she takes lot of joy in, and she feels weird about that because… obviously… fighting hurts peoplePhobias: confinement, death, drowningWhat They Would Be Famous For: leading a rebellion to overthrow a bigoted oppressive regime :3What They Would Get Arrested For: leading a rebellion to overthrow a bigoted oppressive regime :3OC You Ship Them With: Lerato, also, Sil TivanOC Most Likely To Murder Them: oh, pretty much anyone in the Creed (aforementioned bigotd oppressive regime), but mostly Raith. who kind of… has? actually? killed her. at least three times.Favorite Movie/Book Genre: sheeeee…. doesn’t actually read or consume media p much ever? she’s too action oriented. she doesn’t like stopping to watch/read things. but if she did…….. soppy romanceLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: ditto above response minus the endingTalents and/or Powers: mmm she’s a fire elemental, can produce and manipulate fire/heat, and kindasorta fly with it? also, elemental powers in this world present at puberty (yes kind of like x men thanx), and enna can sense whether or not a child is going to develop into an elemental later in lifeWhy Someone Might Love Them: she is pure fucking passion sculpted into human form. she’s the kind of person to dance barefoot outside in a thunderstorm, splashing in literally every puddle. plus she is just really very compassionate, protective, honest, funWhy Someone Might Hate Them: hmmmmmm because she is unapologetic about everything she does. she’s a fighter and she will fight you if you threaten the people she cares about, and she will not pull her punches. not at all.How They Change: during the novel i’m planning/writing, she starts off in an odd place emotionally, because she’s been… conditioned, sort of, to repress herself, and control herself, which is really really contrary to her nature, and she has to spend the first third of the story unlearning that training and becoming herself again, tho she’s feeling very burnt out about her… purpose… at that point? Then, something happens that fucks with her… worldview, and her sense of self, and she runs away, which is also pretty damn against her nature, or at least against the way she’s always lived her life, and then she spends some time learning how to slow down and enjoy things again, and remembering why it is that she fights in the first place, and who she fights for, and then… that ends really poorly too. the last part of the novel is her companion slowly slowly earning her trust back, and Enna coming back into her own as a leader and a fighter and as a whole person, finally, instead of just a symbol.Why You Love Them: Enna was created not long after Ilandere & Kalinda, meaning that she came pretty early in my creative growth, and so a lot of her meta character changes are really relevant to my life? she another bi baby of mine. also… i really like to hope that i would be as brave as her if i was in her position. she’s an ideal for me, and i aspire to be like her.

Lerato [novel character - fantasy - elementals!verse]

Full Name: Lerato SorchaGender and Sexuality: bi womanPronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: human/elementalBirthplace and Birthdate: i’m gonna leave this at a very very long fucking time ago in a place that burned to the groundGuilty Pleasures: look poor Lerato feels guilty about a lot of very legitimate things, but she doesn’t waste a lot of time berating herself for small pleasuresWhat They Would Be Famous For: Back In The Day, she’d be famous for the whole revolutionary leader thing that Enna takes over from her, but nowadays she really prefers to hang out in the background, on the sidelines, offering support and advice. she is TiredWhat They Would Get Arrested For: i mean. collusion with a known resistance leader, so.OC You Ship Them With: Ennaaaaaaaaaaaaa. she really really really loves Enna, just, so fucking much. for all the good it does either of them.OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Raith holy shit, because Raith is a jealous horrible. um. monster. and yet again. has actually killed Lerato before. but only once. and also Gideon would, because of that whole being a leader in the Creed thing.Favorite Movie/Book Genre: she likes poetry an awful lot.Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: love triangles.Talents and/or Powers: she’s also an elemental, but substantially older than Enna, and her powers present a bit differently. she can teleport in a kind of hazy burst, can recover from damage by ‘fading’ out, and she can sense elementals at a distance (this sense is particularly attuned to Enna, actually, and one or two others)Why Someone Might Love Them: she is very sensitive and attentive to other people’s emotional states, and she is loyal to a fucking fault. if she thinks you are deserving, she will 100% fucking die for you. she’s also like… fierce and gentle at the same time? she makes me think of turtledoves and rainclouds and campfire smoke and i find her utterly loveableWhy Someone Might Hate Them: she never fucking says what she fucking means, and she keeps pretending that she doesn’t feel anything when she’s fucking dying inside because she fucking thinks that being self-sacrificing will somehow! fucking! help! anything!  also she has been known to… string people along, because she doesn’t want to hurt them, so she just… she’ll deliberately neglect to clarify her emotions because she’s afraid to make someone else feel bad about them. it’s not dishonesty… but it is p much cowardice.How They Change: Lerato learns that a) sacrificing yourself is not always the best fucking option, especially not when you haven’t consulted the person being protected, and b) you don’t get what you actually want if you don’t say what you actually want and c) …  that she deserves to be treated well, that she deserves and always did deserve better, that she didn’t deserve abuse and coercion, that she can be and should be happy.Why You Love Them: Well, Lerato started as kind of a… if Enna was who i wanted to be, then Lerato kind of formed from this nebulous fictional idea of a person i would want to fall in love with / want to fall in love with me? and thus tbh Lerato changed from a super cliche, jane austen/jane eyre mysterious romantic leading man who would do anything for Enna, and developed slowly into a woman with quite complex motivations and emotions who i still wouldn’t mind doing a smooch with. i am a mature content creator. fuck. so anyway, i love Lerato because… well… i kind of made her to be loved?

Raske [rp character - x files]

Full Name: Harriet Delilah RaskeGender and Sexuality: queer womanPronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: she? doesn’t know? she’s adopted & her ethnicity’s never really been important to her. also she’s a rare Actual Earth Human from my character rolodex, wow weird.Birthplace and Birthdate: you’d think, considering that whole Actual Earth Human thing i’d have an answer for this? i know her bday is April 7th, but i can’t remember if the rp she’s from took place period to the original x files show or if the gm updated it to modern, and that changes the year sooooGuilty Pleasures: frankly? she kind of secretly enjoys making people feel uncomfortable about her prosthetic leg. if people get weird about it on their own? she makes a point to dial it up and just. low key fuck with them.What They Would Be Famous For: deadpan humor and avoiding her feeliesWhat They Would Get Arrested For: maybe kind of possibly breaking the law in pursuit of Truth That Is Probably Out There?OC You Ship Them With: proper mental heath careOC Most Likely To Murder Them: ~~~Mysterious G Men~~~Favorite Movie/Book Genre: she doesn’t watch movies a lot. She used to really like medical drama tv shows, but now she spends her time listening to audiobooks, usually biographies or historical fictionLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: she hates hates hates the ‘lone sniper’ myth in fictionTalents and/or Powers: she’s a tough cookie and an excellent shot with both a pistol and a rifleWhy Someone Might Love Them: you know how working hard for something makes it seem more worthwhile once you get there? it’s like that with Raske. if you pay enough attention you realize that she’s actually so fucking funny, it’s just that she always delivers her humor completely deadpan. she’s got a lot of subtlety to her in every emotion, so once you get to know her and you can see through her veneer, you realize she’s an awkward, funny, sensitive, endearing worrywart, who only pretends to be totally in control of herself.  and also she could totally throw you over her shoulder and carry you off into the sunset so there’s that angle also ;3Why Someone Might Hate Them: well, if you don’t manage to get through her crunchy exterior, then all you’re gonna wind up seeing is a stone faced gal who never fucking laughs and won’t give anyone the time of day for small talk. also she stole the last cup of coffee and didn’t put a new pot onHow They Change: she gets… way more paranoid…. and also she bonds with her fellow agents in a totally dweeby found-family wayWhy You Love Them: she’s really different from the sorts of characters i usually play rp-wise? i almost always trend towards really emotional characters, and talkative ones, and Raske is kind of the opposite of that? so she really let me stretch out my character building muscles, and she helped me work on more subtle acting. 

Blacklight [rp character - superhero!verse]

Full Name: Sabrina Aurore SeaverGender and Sexuality: aro bi gal (i’m realizing a trend, here)Pronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: mixed race black/Korean metahumanBirthplace and Birthdate: Boston, April 8th, 1989Guilty Pleasures: ehhhh when she was younger she used to be into some recreational drug use (nowadays she mostly just drinks, & she smokes occasionally too)What They Would Be Famous For: her awesomesauce freerunning skillzWhat They Would Get Arrested For: well, y’see, vigilante-ism is technically… actually… very illegalOC You Ship Them With: she hooks up with a lot of people and has a lot of fun with them, but she… doesn’t have… romantic feelies?? p much ever? her and Sharkie (who i s2g i will figure out a real name for eventually) kind of develop a really sweet queerplatonic relationship eventuallyOC Most Likely To Murder Them: mmm Clamor but mostly in a if you get yourself killed i will murder you sort of wayFavorite Movie/Book Genre: bad/good 80′s moviesLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: helpless damsel needs rescuing by Big Strong MahnTalents and/or Powers: copied from her rp blog bio bc i’m a laaazy nb: Her range of vision is substantially better, spanning from ultraviolet to infrared (meaning that she can also ‘see’ heat, to a point). During the day, her body absorbs ultraviolet light and emanates heat without any conscious effort on her part, and at night it does the opposite, causing her body to effectively become a black-light (hence the name). The odd way her skin interacts with light and heat is responsible for her relatively pale complexion, since it makes her incapable of tanning properly, and it also means that she cannot be damaged by heat by itself, though fire, a chemical reaction, can still burn her just fine. She can manipulate and produce infrared, visible spectrum, and ultraviolet light as well, creating bright blinding flashes or heating flammable material until it combusts (though she cannot produce or manipulate fire itself).Why Someone Might Love Them: legitimate love for you, my dude. she’ll risk her idiot skin to save your life and then take you out dancing, she’ll smile like a bonfire and laugh like you’ve said the funniest thing she’s ever heard and she’ll mean it, really and truly. she’s easy to fall in love with because she treats every interaction and every person with attention and care. she is genuinely interested in what you have to say. she will make you feel important, and funny and special, and lmao then she’ll break your fucking heart because yes, she loves you, of course she loves you, she would die for you and she’d help you move, but not like that dude i’m sorry. she doesn’t love you like That.Why Someone Might Hate Them: that last bit, also she’s irreverent and reckless and a bit careless with herself and sometimes other people, because the idea that she could hurt other people’s feelings by putting herself in danger just. doesn’t occur to her? ever? and if you’re nasty to her she will turn into THE BIGGEST SHIT, she goes FULL BRAT MODE and she is. p unlikable when she aims that at yaHow They Change: she learns a) it’s okay that she doesn’t have feelings for people. she’s not broken. she doesn’t need to change herself for someone else. she doesn’t need to pretend. it’s okay. b) being a reckless idiot while in a costume and mask will Get You Shot, dummy. c) you can’t compartmentalize your whole life. things will start to bleed over before you expect them to and it will Not end wellWhy You Love Them: oh, baby blacklight. I came up with her for a larp my bro was running, his superhero verse is Really cool. She started as sort of a tropebreaker? she’s a superhero because she has powers and because she thought it would be FUN. she has literally no angst about her superpowers, she has a pretty cool home life, she isn’t hard up for money, her parents are BOTH ALIVE and she has a halfway decent relationship with them? and i fell in love with that idea hard. also she’s just developed into this really fun, happy, positive person with a good impact on the world, and she lets me live vicariously thru her extroverted party girl self <3<3

Clamor [rp character - superhero!verse]

Full Name: Kai “Kitty” MahoeGender and Sexuality: lesbianPronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: hawaiian, metahumanBirthplace and Birthdate: June 2nd, 1991, Los AngelesGuilty Pleasures: lmao nahWhat They Would Be Famous For: for being the worst low-level villain and stealing the most petty shit ever in history, you already have like eight amps and more fucking sound equipment than any human could ever want, also you can do that with your fucking body already i hate youWhat They Would Get Arrested For: “”OC You Ship Them With: she’s… kind of in love with Blacklight? and it’s a bit fucked up…. she mostly plays it off as No One Fucks With My Hero But Me, but she’s saved Sabrina’s life at least three times and occasionally tries to make out with her under the pretense of near-death adrenalineOC Most Likely To Murder Them: …. Sharkie (god i need a NAME for them)Favorite Movie/Book Genre: period romance Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: the fucking wilhelm screamTalents and/or Powers: she can manipulate sound with her mind/body. she can amplify or muffle noises around her, and she can use a sort of rhythm… frequency… amplification thing to turn sound into a weapon. she can create sonic blasts easily or make someone temporarily deaf. she could do this with just any old noises, but she is fucking Extra and always uses instruments, particularly percussion and particularly drumsticks, tho she can play a bunch of different things. Why Someone Might Love Them: she’s actually p funny and clever and fun to hang out with as a civilian…….Why Someone Might Hate Them: … but her alter-ego is a complete fucking shithead, she’s a selfish dick and she Will Steal Everything You LoveHow They Change: tbh she’s still to early in development for me to know this quite yetWhy You Love Them: i love bratty irreverent characters sometimes

Bonny [novel character - sci fi - Star Stray]

Full Name: Bonny Read CalumniGender and Sexuality: bisexual nonbinary womanPronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: human Birthplace and Birthdate: she was born on a colony called Atlantis on the moon Europa, at some as-of-yet unspecified Future Year, November 14thGuilty Pleasures: she sneaks off to places she shouldn’t be on every single spaceship she’s been on. she loves finding secret places to hide, and she uses them like an earth kid would use a tree fort, to keep her little treasures and private stuff, and to hide from her momWhat They Would Be Famous For: well… acheiving First Contact with an alien species lmaoWhat They Would Get Arrested For: … nothing??? she is actually quite a sweet young woman, not exactly criminal material, unlike most of my oc children.OC You Ship Them With: her long distance friend/crush/ex, DalOC Most Likely To Murder Them: there are a few angry splinter factions that are veeery against the nasty alien creature that came from the sky, so probably them?Favorite Movie/Book Genre: she loves YA, specifically dystopian YALeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: she hates the super smart child prodigy clicheTalents and/or Powers: she’s really good at taking things apart and fixing them, and she’s really great at figuring out how mechanical things work.Why Someone Might Love Them: she will fix the AC in your room and bring you snacks and listen to you vent about your day and give you a comisserating, rueful smile. when the conversation lulls, she’ll come out with an unexpected joke just to surprise you into laughing. she will dance ot any music. she will go to a museum full of stuff she doesn’t actually care much about or understand just to make silly jokes about everything there with you. look she’s just. dweeby but charming about it anyway.Why Someone Might Hate Them: her anger issues make her difficult to get along with sometimes? she tends to bottle her feelings and then eventually, inevitably explodesHow They Change: mmmm she stops hiding her desires to make other people happy, and she um. learns not to be an asshole to aliens for no reason? and to be fcking respectful of Vmna and their cultureWhy You Love Them: she a good space girl. lov her. sorry i’m so damn tired

Vmna [novel character - sci fi - Star Stray]

Full Name: [i fucking wrote their name wrong in the tag bc i’m ridiculous, and also i can’t remember ipa and their language is super weird so this is going to be unpronounceable]   k’ Vmna nksGender and Sexuality: Vmna’s people don’t actually have a concept of ‘gender’ that in any way parallels human gender, so they kind of don’t have sexuality either? like as a conceptPronouns: they/themEthnicity/Species: their species doesn’t really have a translatable name, but Bonny tends to call them ‘centaurs’Birthplace and Birthdate: [insert words that don’t fucking make sensewithout the context of the novel]Guilty Pleasures: What They Would Be Famous For: being the first of her species to actually speak with and make friends with an alien life formWhat They Would Get Arrested For: maybe for sneaking Fun contraband to the alien without permissionOC You Ship Them With: i believe that'll have to wait for the sequel novel! but she is totally gonna wind up falling for a human i betOC Most Likely To Murder Them: ditto Bonny’s answer, because they consider Vmna complicitFavorite Movie/Book Genre: there’s a specific genre on their world that’s p much just ‘comfort fiction’, like? just sound/image/smell/story combinations that are made to be pure comfort. they love those.Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: lmao in fiction on their world has a cliche of all aliens looking like mis-colored versions of their own species but, like, with weird feet usuallyTalents and/or Powers: Vmna is very good at linguistics Why Someone Might Love Them: they are attentive and clever, and they’re ridiculously empatheticWhy Someone Might Hate Them: no good reason goddamn. Vmna is lovelyHow They Change: Vmna learns to appreciate Earth Music and Earth Idioms and Earth Humor, and they also grow to be more confident in their skills as a linguist  and a sociologistWhy You Love Them: Vmnaaaaaaaa is super cool and they’re also like, the Primo Example of me spitewriting? because their ENTIRE species exists because i’m hella bitter about shitty alien design in fiction? like i haaaaate miscolored Space Babe design? i hate boring anthropocentric alien design???? SO MUCH??? as someone once said (i think it was Dal?) (and i’m paraphrasing), CONVERGENT EVOLUTION WILL ONLY GET YOU SO FAR, there is NO REASON for alien design to be boring! Except for LACK OF IMAGINATION. SO! Vmna’s species are weird centaur/elephant folks who have big spike-claw feet and move vertically as easily as they move horizontally, and they have no gender and they communicate emotion partially thru scent/pheremones, and they see color different, and a bunch of other shit i’ve forgotten since i wrote the novel, and Vmna themself is just. The Epitome. of their species. in my head. and i love them

AND WITH THAT I THINK I’M DONE???? WOW THANK U SET THIS WAS FUN IF EXHAUSTING! and i hope this is even marginally interesting to someone besides meself