#on my b-day. without me

[lesiasmadness]

Once again here for the Luke werewolf au cause doggyyyyy but I like to think that during holidays when it lands on a full moon Luke still would wanna celebrate and stuff so he’d end up just looking like this.

Also because I love seeing ppl celebrating their pets birthday and dressing them up so I will be projecting that onto this au somehow.

NOOOOOOOOOOO THIS IS SO ADORABLE YOU'RE KILLING MEEEEEE

Poor dog boy has to spend the holidays puppified >_<

One celebration for the parents with cute puppy pictures, one for the kid with all the normal things XD

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

In Regards To Your 2024 Summary:

Holy shit it’s been another year????? The hell?????

Also! Your art style is gorgeous and that being found in 2023 and then refined throughout late 2023 and the entirety of 2024 really shows, as does your growth in panel layouts, perspective, and — as you said — experimentation. If you ever post your animation or video game art I’m looking forward to it.

As cheesy as it sounds, being able to laugh at funny comics and look at all the details of your art really made my 2024 brighter, even when things were hard. Including looking at your older art— it doesn’t need to be new to be enjoyable! I’m glad your art is well loved and it’s a privilege to have been here since the (near) beginning. I hope you take care of yourself in 2025 and beyond!

You and your art bring a lot of people a lot of joy never forget that <3

Thank you so much for keeping up with my art journey throughout these last two years! Two years!!! I am baffled at how that feels both too long and too short!

Admittedly, my art summary didn't manage to capture the fact that I did a lot of comic layouts that I'm really proud of. I also drew more backgrounds and made some very detailed works (*Dungeon Meshi spoilers for these examples*).

The growth is lot more evident when comparing my 'best' comics of 2023 to 2024:

Sometimes the growth is vertical, sometimes it is horizontal - and damn, sometimes it goes out of sight into the Z-plane. But it is always happening!

[stardust-moth]

In order to fully understand why it was so hard for Mike to express how deeply he loves El, and why his speech at the end of season 4 was one of the biggest, most important moments for his entire character, we need to look at not just who Mike is as a person, but also everything that has happened since he met her.

Every single time he opens up his heart to her, something horrible happens to her or she's taken away from him almost immediately afterwards.

1x08; he's an awkward little ball of feelings that are way too big for a boy so young. He makes a nervous attempt at confessing and asking her out on a date; when he can't find words that she'll understand, swoops in for a kiss instead. She lights up immediately and smiles. It's a brief moment of hope and pure happiness. Maybe they can have some semblance of a normal life and be normal kids after this is all over.

Minutes later, all hell breaks loose-- they're almost shot, El pushes herself too far until she can barely move, she's almost taken away by the Bad Men, the Demogorgon appears, and she uses the very last of her strength to sacrifice herself to save him and their friends.

He has to watch helplessly as she disappears.

He spends a year caught between believing she's dead and hoping she's still out there somewhere (but if she is alive then why won't she talk to him anymore...?). Kept silent under threat by the lab, he can't confide in anyone or even acknowledge her existence, not with anyone except those involved... but everyone else is keen on moving on and pretending it never happened. He can find some solidarity in Will, at least, who is in a similar kind of emotional turmoil... but it's not the same and it's not enough.

2x9; he is finally reunited with El, and she runs into his arms like she missed him too. She tells him that all those nights he called out to her, she heard him; she was there reciprocating his feelings the whole time.

In a burst of emotions that he's been forced to suppress for an entire year, he lashes out at the reason they've been kept apart (Hopper), screaming and sobbing. It's a massive catharsis for him, and for once an adult is understanding enough to hold him and not punish him for it.

Minutes later, she is going to go headfirst into a pit of monsters, the place where Mike had just firsthand witnessed dozens of people (if not more) get ripped to shreds only hours earlier, and she is going to attempt to close the Gate-- a feat that he knows may take every ounce of her power, just like last time. He cries. He can't lose her again. She promises he won't, and before she can seal that promise with a kiss, they're pulled apart again.

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

3x1; all seems to be okay now. He and El are happily together, and he feels comfortable enough to be playful, romantic, and intimate with her. It's the most emotionally open we've ever seen Mike thus far.

For reasons he can't understand (bc there's no way Hopper explained himself beyond "I'm in charge so do as I say or else"), Hopper is angry about it and threatens to never allow him to see her again: the one thing he fears most.

He panics big time and fucks it up in the process by lying to her. During a frantic attempt to apologize while also abiding by Hopper's rules, he runs into her at the mall. He panics again-- if anyone finds her here, and knows that he was here too, it's all over, and Hopper surely won't hear reason. El dumps him cold on the spot, spurred on by Max and her rebellious attitude (and without any context of course). He isn't given much opportunity to respond. He knows he's in the wrong for lying to her, so what could he even say...?

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

It's a hard blow, and he retreats back into himself, unable to get any joy out of playing D&D (which he clearly hasn't lost interest in), back to the deadpan sarcasm and accidentally snapping a little too harshly at anyone whom he feels would take El's place.

3x6; no one seems to understand the danger El is putting herself in. Everyone is berating him for worrying about her safety. He's seen firsthand what these monsters do to people, he's seen firsthand how El pushes her abilities too far. No one is listening.

The words "I love her and I can't lose her again" burst out in his desperation, perhaps before he's even had a chance to realize how deep those feelings run, despite whatever protective walls he's tried to build around his heart to keep it from getting broken again.

Soon after, all hell breaks loose. El is nearly killed several times over, her leg is ripped open, she pushes herself so hard that she breaks herself and loses her powers completely. Her father is taken from her. She's shattered by all of this, and there's absolutely nothing he could do or say to make it better.

She tells him that when he admitted he loves her, she heard him, and indeed she loves him, too... But now she's leaving.

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

4x1; they've been apart for a few months, and write letters back and forth to each other. El's letters paint a picture of an ideal new life: she and the Byers family are doing well; she's starting school and it's going well; she's made new friends, she likes her new home, everything is going well. She seems to be thriving. She sounds happy, maybe even happier than she had been living in Hawkins. Maybe Max was right, maybe she's better off being her own person without him, and maybe the respectful thing to do is step back... It's a small insecurity that creeps up subconsciously. In his replies he holds back, afraid of clinging too hard.

Though there's little logic in it, he's afraid that if he tells her he loves her again, another disaster might strike and this lovely happy life she's finally found might get taken from her. After all, that's what always seems to happen when he does.

4x2; after months of waiting, they can finally see each other again. He wears her favorite colors, picks a handful of flowers for her, and falls happily back into step with how they used to be. Soon that same day, however, reality becomes clear and the facade crumbles. People he was told were her friends show up to torment and publicly humiliate her. She had been lying. She isn't happy here, she hasn't healed, she is right at the edge of a breaking point that he doesn't see coming at all. He can't believe she would lie to him, she's not the kind of person to lie... especially not about something like bullying, something that she was always so understanding about with him.

On that logicless subconscious level, he wonders if it's all his fault-- he should have known somehow, he should have been there for her. She protected him from his bullies, he should have protected her from hers. He tries to come to her rescue. She runs away from him.

He's helpless to save her, again.

4x3; after a night to process everything that happened-- and deciding that the betrayal he feels from her lying to him is nothing compared to the turmoil she must be going through right now-- Mike approaches her in the gentlest way possible, wanting to listen and trying to understand. El, however, isn't receptive at all to his attempts at reassurance. She is at an all-time low, she's given up. She believes she is unlovable, irredeemable, a monster, just a thing that doesn't even have those superhuman abilities to compensate anymore. Mike can't believe what he's hearing-- doesn't she know that she's always been so much more than her powers? She's always been so much more than what she lacks in quote-unquote "normalcy"... None of those things matter, they have absolutely no bearing on whether she's worthy of being loved, because he loves her, completely regardless of any of these things. He always has...

El starts flinging his restrained words back at him, the products of his insecurity and trauma-induced fear. That fear takes hold yet again, and he stumbles, afraid of saying too much or not enough, because surely both could result in pushing her away-- she's retreating, hearing none of it; nothing he tries to say consoles her.

Moments later, local police come knocking. She's taken away in cuffs, and she's so broken inside that she won't even look at him when he chases the police car down the street and promises he'll get her out somehow...

Once again, he has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

4x8/4x9; after days of driving through the heat and dryness of southwest desert, having narrowly escaped being shot at with military-grade assault rifles, witnessing the death of and burying a man whose last words were that El is in danger... After watching dozens of people get mowed down by a sniper in a helicopter, and watching that same helicopter be smashed into the ground in a ball of flames...

There she is. Just as powerful and beautiful and alive as she's ever been. When he runs to her and embraces her, she looks at him like she can't believe he's real. She's beaming a smile right from her soul and it's like all the insecurity and self-doubt that have plagued them both just vanish from existence now that they're in each other's arms again.

Like always, however, the universe comes crashing down soon after. Max is marked for a gruesome death and all of Hawkins is in danger. They're miles away and helpless, and the only possible way for El to save everyone is if she goes in alone. She's stronger than ever, but so is her foe. Once again, she descends to face all the demons of hell on her own, and Mike can't do anything.

She's losing. She's choking. She's dying. He's helpless.

He must be cursed. He must be. Being with her, loving her, allowing himself to admit he loves her, it always brings only pain and suffering and loss. His heart is so full that it's aching, it's bursting out of his chest, and he can't contain it any longer.

She's going to die and it's going to be all his fault, because he fell in love, and it's cursed her.

Just before it all crumbles into utter despair, the earnest support from his oldest and dearest friend-- one who's always shared and understood his feelings of helplessness-- sparks a light of hope in him: "You're the Heart." You're not helpless. You can save her.

The words that come spilling out of Mike's mouth are truer than any he's ever dared to speak before, and it's the most terrified he's ever been, but he has enough courage for this moment. Despite all of the fears that have been building, stifling, choking him to death for years-- fears that the light of his life will inevitably disappear again, and there's nothing he can do to stop it-- despite it all, he pours out his heart to her.

He loves her. He's always loved her. He loves everything she ever was, is, and could be. He can't imagine a world without her in it. She saved him, in every way a person can be saved. And he needs her to live. He believes in her.

And it works. It's music to her ears.

[asksteverandle]

Would you let Evie wax you? Or pluck your eyebrows?

Oh HELL no, that shit looks painful. And my eyebrows are works of art. They will not be messed with. I may love her, but there’s nothing in this world I love enough to let them screw with that, man.

[technikki]

omg guys skyes birthday in one week can you believe it!! skyes birthday! just a week away! iam so happy about this informatio n

[menlove]

Now when did the other beatles grow from their sexism and/or abuse like acknowledge maybe but grow from it yeah no💀 Not excusing Paul’s actions back then but we’re not gonna pretend that the others are on a higher moral standing than him😭

FASDFASDF WAS THINKING THIS TOO like all love and light but george was cheating on olivia and treating like women like shit and john was strangling may pang in front of god and everyone let's not pretend any of them were good people here lmfaoooo they were all sexist douchebags and the sooner we can all get on board w this and not be like "well MY sexist douchebag was BETTER" the more peace and love and joy i will feel on planet earth

no hate to the person who left that tag but let's all take a deep look within on whether or not the beatles were good people bc the answer is a universal "WELL-"

[jyae23]

WIP WEDNESDAY 06/18/25

Massive thanks to @thewholelemon and @alexalexinii for today's tags, and everyone else who tagged me for the past few weeks! (I wasn't planning on a WW, but my blog is in dire need of Snowbaz content.)

I covered Baz's face because the hair and collar are the stars of this post.

I experimented with watercolors for the first time since... idk middle school? Things were going great until midway, I freaked out and broke every watercolor rule from the tutorial I was watching. And if that wasn't enough, I thought the exact-o-knife would fix my mistake.

Long story short, Baz has a gaping hole in his face, BUT I have many options to salvage this work and his hair. His hair is wall hanging worthy. I'd hang his hair. Well, I'd hang the rest of him on my wall too. Who wouldn't wanna hang a masterpiece and stare at it all day? Especially with a collar. And his chest. Merlin. Sorry...

Tags, plans, books, and me doing everything else except finishing my WIPS below!!!

COAR

All I can say it that it feels like I've won the lottery and that I AM working on it >:)

1997–2068

Wasn't planning on dropping words, but everyone reminded me about Simon's birthday and I remember writing something that involved his birthday months ago:

The sun casts light upon your headstone through the trees. I smile, brushing my fingers along the warm, etched letters of your name. “Happy Birthday, my love.”

Wow, what the fuck, Jyae? Okay, the next few paragraphs is a wittle sad, so be careful <3 It's just me plotting how to make both my life and Baz's absolutely miserable with 0 comfort. Feel free to skip. The most important part of this post was Baz's hair from above^^

I like the idea of Simon losing his memories all the way back to the beginning of eighth year. I like the idea of Simon forgetting all the moments he spent time with Baz as allies, friends, lovers, and husbands. I like the idea of Simon not recognizing Baz because he aged. I like the idea of Simon fighting to go back to Watford because that's the place he calls home. I like the idea of Simon desperately looking for Baz, despite Baz being right there in front of him, and Baz can't do anything about it.

I want Simon to believe he's the Chosen One again and repeat the events he went through his eighth year. His last year at Watford. His last year full stop. I want Simon to talk about "Baz" in front of the real and older Baz. How he's still missing and the thing with his mother and how he seduced Agatha. "Baz" comes back, and Simon recounts his experiences with him. Things like following him in the Catacombs again, starting a truce, and telling him that "Baz" is the prettiest person who has ever floated like a butterfly while fighting a dragon. We'll have moments where Simon gets to tell older Baz things Simon never got to say and stuff Baz would've never known at Watford.

And then something about Baz realizing that even though Simon lost his memories, Baz was still the center of Simon's life, and that he always loved Baz, even if he never again said it. Or something like that lol idk :D

Simon's Pride Cream Pie

Not sure what possessed me to write a few words underneath this post, in 3rd person too, but I think I'll actually make it into a full fic. Like, why not? I'm already a foot in.

See how we went from Simon dying to cream pies? Yeah, that was on purpose.

Books

Books I Finished This Month:

Wolfsong by TJ Klune

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

The Raven King by Nora Sakavic

Books I'm Currently Reading:

The King's Men by Nora Sakavic (97%)

Vicious by V. E. Schwab (43%)

Books I intend to read this month:

Captive Prince by C. S. Pacat I started it, but with how I said nothing about it , you can tell I haven't gotten that far lol BUT FOR TOXIC™️ PRIDE MONTH, I SHALL FINISH

I don't think I've devoured this many books at the same time EVER. If you tore me apart, I'd ooze nothing but words. If you put your ear against my head, you'll hear nothing but the clash of racquets and exy balls bouncing.

Thank you all who have stuck around as I scream into the void. While I may not be posting about them as much, I'm still thinking about them as always, seeing where they would fit in the current world I'm immersed in—Baz in an exy uniform or Simon as a wolf or Baz and Simon hate fucking—you get the idea. They're a constant in my life and that'll never change. Being able to tag you all is proof of that <3

@bazzydl @rimeswithpurple @lovelettersto-mars @toc-the-scrambled @bachusekart @bookishbroadwayandblind @gonzalesfreecs @catthehappy @facewithoutheart @fiend-for-culture @monbons @the-beard-of-edward-teach @roomwithanopenfire @sleepyphobzz @valeffelees

It's been so long, ik im missing someone...

[kawareo]

am realizing with horror and great annoyance that if i don't write a chapter in one go and then post it immediately, i get hit with a huge wave of 'oh i hate this actually' and it becomes almost impossible for me to finish it

i really have to power through that one and i think i will hate it until it's posted but i'm just. so annoyed with myself. I've been writing it on three separate days already it feels shitty and boring and bad but I know it's just cause I haven't finished it already

[slasherflicks999]

hiiii i havent been drawing at all but hiiiii ^-^

IVE BEEN BUSY GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE can we believe it BUT had some time and energy tonight so here’s a little slasher sketch

slightly jankey but for a sketch i did just for the sake of drawing + with no reference so i’m quite chill with it for what it is

plus i felt bad not posting or drawing at all LMAO oopsie…. IM GETTING BACK TO IT SOON having lots of fun with my pals for the time being but i shall return :3

[sun-marie]

i don't recall if DAI ever did anything with this, but i'm really interested in the potential dynamic Leliana and Cullen have if Leliana was there with the Hero of Ferelden when he was being tortured at Kinloch Hold

[caspersscareschool]

he literally sews his kids stupid little outfits from scratch does anyone even fucking care

[impbites]

OCtober day 18 - swap 🩸👼 (their original forms look like this!)

i went with "role in the story" for this one. i've thought abt this AU a bit before, but i think a lot of things would change if gwyar was sacrificed instead of claret…

The Cooler Claret spawned from a face monster and so i thought it would b cute to have gwyar mutate from a crimera! (<- objectively uncute thing to say). the monsters r somewhat significant bc they represent unfulfilled desires from when they were still ppl, like claret becoming strong enough to protect her home/family and gwyar's desire to be free (hence y she can fly now).

even though claret emerges as an adult in canon, i chose to keep gwyar as a child in the swapped version bc it felt more fitting. clarets new role in the story is similar to gwyars in that she aims to purge the crimson, but where gwyar becomes quite apathetic, claret takes on a much crueler personality... 😔

[winepresswrath]

Armand's simpering little "and I never have" has taken on new dimensions for me. Technicality king and also I think very in keeping with his whole malign fairy creature deal. You can tell him not to hurt the bae, but you should really specify what "hurt" entails. Is chopping someone's hands off really hurting them? If they have annoyed you very much I mean.

-questions Armand might pose to Lestat that inspire him to leave the country

[coriander-candlesticks]

Me: I'm not sure if my health can withstand a commute. Should I try to go in tomorrow?

Apollo: no

Me: should I plan to work from home?

Apollo: no

Me: ...

Apollo:

Me: migraine?

Apollo: migraine.

[madaqueue]

i only cried once today after being yelled at/scolded for two hours straight!!!!! i would like my hug and pat on the head for being so good now please!!!!!!!