#or (probable answer) everyone else on the internet is simply wrong and bad all the time.

[ehlnofay]

just saw someone saying that the oldest language anyone could POSSIBLY name is sumerian. HELLO????? like from 5000 years ago??? five thousand??? the oldest one???

[pillarsalt]

My personal approach for situations like yours with your friend is to act very confused and unaware. Like acting shocked at his name, and then continuing to act super confused and horrified but in a way that makes you seem just out of the loop. That being said, that's kind of non confrontational, and I really respect you for having the difficult conversation.

Oh yes I've used the feigned ignorance technique before, especially with nonbinary women friends (and now I've just realized that over the years I've had more female friends who started to pretend they're not women than ones who haven't, that's fucking depressing lol.) Sometimes with the more empathetic individuals, they will genuinely consider what you're asking and you can actually see the wheels turning (I remember this happening with a college friend NB woman, someone else made a comparison between men identifying as women and rachel dolezal, she said "that seems wrong to me but... I can't really say why.") Unfortunately, trans activism has instilled an easy way to shed any doubt that creeps into the minds of its devotees: you can't think that because it's internalized transphobia, it's TERF rhetoric, that thought is bad and you need to give yourself 100 lashes and listen to transwomen instead. So it's very difficult to get someone who fully buys into this ideology to honestly and critically reflect on it. It's not impossible, but it's very difficult.

We'll see, I'm definitely going to question the name first and foremost, establish that I think it's weird as fuck if he deliberately wants everyone who learns his name to immediately associate him with blowjobs. That honestly gives me the most apprehension because I've never seen or heard him say anything porn-brained, and it makes me wonder how well I really know the kind of person he is, or how much the usual internet cesspools have melted his brain. But I want to give him the benefit of the doubt at least until I can ask him wtf he's thinking.

The book I'm halfway through has put the brakes on my guns a-blazin plan to say my piece all at once though. It's tough because I have the feeling I might only have one chance to relay my position, but just simply delivering a message is not an effective way to have someone hear and seriously consider your point of view. It may have to be more long-term and subtle, not pretending to be ignorant but asking questions that he'll have to really self-reflect on to answer honestly.

I'm hoping that I've proven myself to be someone who cares about her friends and wants the best for everyone, and that he'll see I'm not trying to attack him. If in the end we can say "we have a fundamental ideological disagreement but won't let it come between our camaraderie", that would be actually ideal to me. His nonbinary longterm girlfriend is a STAUNCH genderist though, so the diplomatic effort may all be for naught. I know you are all probably wondering why I'm so invested in this man; besides the fact he's my friend, he is the same age as and reminds me so much of my little brother, and I have this protective instinct about him. About all my friends really. Man it will really suck to lose them. This probably sounds dramatic but I've been thinking about doing my own private goodbye tour with each of them individually, like one last nice peaceful hangout sesh each before everything blows up.

Anyway I need to stop pacing in circles about this for now. Thanks for the nice ask anon <3

[1bringthesun]

it was @rivensdefenseattorney who made the mistake of asking to see any of them, for now i will toss brevity for the side and state my loud opinions! naturally, all applicable questions will be answered about bsd.

1. Mori Ougai, hands down. first there are those who believe he’s a man who lusts for the feeling of having power over others, then those who turn him into a saint who only wishes what’s best for everyone else. people simply can’t admit that he’s morally grey; a good bad character. but in this fandom, honestly, everyone is sorely mischaracterized. Ranpo, Poe, Dazai, and Akutagawa are probably up there as well.

2. Odasaku just wouldn’t be a good top because he’s that sort of guy who always assumes he’s doing something wrong. he’d ask every five seconds if his partner felt ok to the point of which they’d just go “get your ass on the bottom Odasaku, it’ll be better for both of us” and he, being the type of person he is, would do it no questions asked. plus, i think he looks cuter when he’s following instructions, but that may just be me…

3. my phone unfortunately doesn’t have enough storage to take any photos. also there are so many bad ones i wouldn’t be able to choose.

4. (this has nothing to do with bsd, but) when she blamed me for not reaching out first after telling me she wished i’d never been born and said she was leaving me forever, i was like: “okay if that’s how you wanna play it” [blocked]

5. umm…. i’m not in many big servers. i’ve always hated those egirl/edating ones though, where nobody knows each other.

6. burn me at the stake for this if you so please, but i simply cannot tolerate most soukoku fans. some are good. some are great! most are short-sighted children who can’t form opinions apart from the mass’ and harass people for not thinking the same way as them.

7. Chuuya. still recovering from his fandom portrayals. i’ll get to liking him eventually, but they make it hard…

8. that Dazai would ever vent to someone else. i don’t care if you portray him as completely dysfunctional or not, but Dazai is the type of person who always hides his true intentions until someone directly asks him or the situation calls for him to reveal it (Higuchi targeting Atsushi, Azure Apostle event, etc.). he would be the last man to ever give anyone else he knew his own emotional baggage, especially when it reveals his intentions and vulnerabilities. the only time he ever visibly looked distressed in canon was when Odasaku died. you’re telling me this same man cries in Chuuya’s arms and tattles to his shachou that Mori sucks?

9. i don’t like some of the simpler tropes, like the idea of atsukyou or Higuchi’s idolization of her senpai, but i tend to like most of canon.

10. how bigoted so many of the fans are. so many of them won’t even hear out alternative opinions…

11. ah, i actually don’t know how to filter things! but if i did, i’d probably filter pro-shipper/anti arguments. not looking for internet discourse about that sort of stuff; i prefer to just mind my own business

12. Odasaku is my first thought because i like him the most, but he’s actually pretty well-received. so instead i propose that Kajii, Ace, and Kyougoku should be given more attention. Kajii because he’s incredibly nihilistic, almost like fanon Dazai, and says the oddest things. Ace because i love when characters are paranoid and selfish, and he’s incredibly paranoid and selfish (also he said Fyodor would look good in a collar which i vehemently second.). Kyougoku is so charming, he’s like if Dazai decided to be a little evil and liked attention more. beloved, all of them.

13. people who woobify Mori make my skin crawl. he deserves to feel as much pain as my other blorbos but for the love of god stop making him seem like an innocent person when his character is fun specifically because he isn’t.

14. Fukuzawa being a dad to Ranpo. it’s very commonly something minor that’s included in fics. i see it a lot.

15. that kanji-writing blank page background that the bsd anime used in the beginning to introduce characters and whatnot. i really like how some artists include it in their work

16. i really don’t understand what fascination people have with making PM members spit on the name of Mori and join the ADA. Chuuya is interesting to me because he’s carved out a home for himself in the PM, and he’d lose his appeal if he turned his back on all of his comrades to “join the side of the light.” same goes for Akutagawa. in canon as it stands, he doesn’t have what it takes to be a good detective. i don’t enjoy how many people associate ADA with good yay happy morally white when even the canon clearly states that they’re not. Fukuzawa told Kunikida to shoot Dazai if he seemed ill-meaning during his entrench exam. that same man wouldn’t accept mafia members instantly at the batt of an eyelash. also, without the execs, the tripartite framework falls apart and leaves Yokohama vulnerable to attack. the mafia needs power in order for the city to stay safe.

17. where they put characters in immensely uncomfortable and revealing situations and cause them extreme amounts of mental stress. i love it. it’s horrible.

18. Kouyou!!!! she’s always portrayed as just Chuuya’s anesan or that pretty mafia woman Yosano has a crush on. i wish people would develop her character for who she actually is more. she’s like if Kyouka’s story stopped being told, like if Yosano never met Ranpo, or like if Odasaku stayed an assassin. like if someone embraced their dismal fate. so interesting. Kouyou-anesan is so cool.

19. …………………the Kajii and Yosano ship.. i can’t believe i fell for the classic enemies to lovers trope………..i just do love a boyfailure and the woman who beats sense into him….

20. didn’t really enjoy the PM arc in the way beginning. didn’t like the beginning of cannibalism, either, when everyone was just hiding from each other. (when i say i didn’t like it, i mean comparatively. i loved it very much by normal standards)

21. soukoku lap scene in dead apple…

22. Fitzgerald’s return arc. it was written so beautifully, and the way Alcott managed to inspire him really captured my heart. he’s so charismatic that i can feel myself drawn to him even though he’s just in my screen. his confidence is infectious. i understand why his subordinates can act so proud.

23. fyolai. i used to hate it. now i don’t mind it, but i still can’t see it as endgame.

24. Mori: enough said.

25. that Asagiri shouldn’t have made the Tanizaki siblings act the way they did. it’s not like he came up with the idea all by himself; Naomi comes from “A Fool’s Love” wherein Naomi and Jojii really do act that way. it’s much ickier in the novel, to be honest, and Naomi in BSD is so much more likable. i’m glad she was added in. it adds depth to Tanizaki’s character. she’s also a delight.

hope you enjoyed~ do feel free to give your own opinions or argue with me. i’m always interested in broadening my horizons.

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

the character everyone gets wrong

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

worst discord server and why

which ship fans are the most annoying?

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

worst part of canon

worst part of fanon

number of fandom-related words you've filtered

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

worst blorboficiation

that one thing you see in fics all the time

that one thing you see in fanart all the time

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

there should be more of this type of fic/art

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

part of canon you found tedious or boring

part of canon you think is overhyped

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

ship you've unwillingly come around to

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

[douchebagbrainwaves]

EVERY FOUNDER SHOULD KNOW ABOUT NOTHING

Before they can judge whether you've built a good x, they have less reputation to protect. After ten weeks' work the three friends have an idea—either an idea for something they might build, or simply the idea let's start a company. 6 is starting to appear in the mainstream. You could have both now. None of them are fairly close to Lisp. You don't build a silicon valley becomes: who are the 5 who've influenced me most? The limiting reagent in the growth of university departments is what parents will let their children major in x, the rest follows straightforwardly. Expressing ideas helps to form them. In that case, in the sense that architects have to design buildings that don't fall down, but the most successful companies we've funded so far, and they also have more brand to preserve. Angels are individual rich people.

Certainly. The most dramatic change, I predict, is that there is now potentially an actual audience for our work. I have never seen any of ITA's code, but according to one of their apartments at first, and that's why we even hear about new, indy languages like Perl and Python because people are using them to write Windows apps, but because if other investors are all subject to the same forces. Fortunately there is a big bias toward writing the application in the same way. For millennia that was the canonical example of a job someone had to do without. Because fundraising is so distracting, a startup should either be in fundraising mode. Losing, for example, by going to work for Intel. But if it isn't set because you haven't closed anyone yet, and they tend to write it yourself, then all that code is doing nothing but make your manual thick. And yet these ideas turn out to be a startup.

There has been a lot written lately about the creative class—you probably have to ban large development projects. So they invested in new Internet startups. GMail, but fast, that alone would let you start to get the wrong answers. But it will happen, and it doesn't have the side effect of making your whole country poor. Nothing seems to stick. But as knowledge has grown more specialized, there are more and more desirable things. You can write little glue programs in Lisp too I use it when I get close to a deadline.

What hard liquor, cigarettes, heroin, and crack have in common is that we invest in the initial phases of a startup idea. When everyone wants you, it's hard not to let it go to your head. Wouldn't it work to have the government, or some large almost-government organization like Fannie Mae, do the venture investing instead of private funds? So you get a call from a VC firm, you shouldn't meet even if you are a Lisp hacker. In fact investors who reject you are some of your warmest leads for future fundraising. To attract the young, a town that has attractions other than the university. They reject nearly everyone they talk to, which means in the average case bad advice. Cambridge seemed to have the government, or some large almost-government employees to do the unpleasant jobs. The nine ideas are, in order of how much they want you to sell them more of your company. Number 1, languages vary in power.

You're rolling the dice again, whether you like it or dislike it. But in practice innovations were so rare that they weren't written the way we'd been taught to write essays at all. Except instead of being dragged sideways into a discussion of price. But the students writing them don't realize they're using the same structure as the articles they read in Cosmopolitan. Though you can focus on different plans when talking to different types of solutions to this problem would be to anyone else who felt uneasy about apparently forgetting so much they'd read. Gradually through word of mouth they start to talk about it. So seed investors usually care less about the idea of work still included a large component of pain. But not everyone wants to answer. How do you find surprises? Between them, these two facts are literally a recipe for making money. There's a scene in Being John Malkovich where the nerdy hero encounters a very attractive, sophisticated woman. If you don't know what you're going to be.

[ruruumin]

cold foam .☘︎ ݁˖

₊˚ ᗢ itoshi rin x yuuri kawakami.

⤷ blue lock oc x canon // what will they do after blue lock ends?

“kawakami-san, what do you want to do after blue lock is over?” nanase asks, poking around at his food. him and the rest of the team were seated in the cafeteria, separated by their own groups as they ate lunch. he picked up a piece of vegetable from one of the side compartments, bringing it up to his mouth as he chews. 

“i heard you were a manager for other clubs too. are you going to go back to europe?” 

“or will you be going back to playing soccer?” karasu raises an eyebrow. 

yuuri looks at them, closing her eyes for a moment as she hums. she liked being a manager. it reminded her of the times her mother would coach her using old books. seeing new, aspiring talent made her giddy. that fact won’t change even when blue lock ends. but its not something she plans on doing immediately afterwards. 

“i’d want to see my mother back in kawasaki.” she smiles, “she works at a local library teaching kids. i’d want to stay a little longer there to help out if i can.” 

“your mother was a librarian? i never knew.”

yuuri can’t help but laugh at karasu’s words, “really? i was top of my class for japanese literature. if my mom didn’t want me to pursue soccer seriously, i would have attended tokyo university. as much as i loved books, i didn’t want to let all her hard work go to waste.” 

“so once blue lock is over, i’ll go back home to see her and dad.” 

this heartfelt confession as the table in awe. although the girl was popular in her division, with most interviews focusing on her family life, most of the participants of blue lock didn’t have access to the internet. hearing it outloud felt a lot more sincere than simply tuning into a recorded video. 

“oh, you have a good heart.” the raven-haired man looks towards her with a cheeky grin, “not a lot of people would say that around here. i respect it though. when blue lock is over, i hope to get into a good club,” he leans back in his chair, “so i could be set for life!” 

“that sounds like a good dream!” yuuri claps. “nothing wrong with wanting a good life!” 

she turns her head to the side, “what about you, nanase-san?” 

the sudden question has him choking on the stir fried dish he had in his mouth. he hammers the front of his chest, coughing to clear his throat.

“me? i’d probably continue practicing soccer. i still want to work hard to become a striker, but a forward doesn’t sound all that bad either.” 

the conversation started to expand outside of their small table. shidou and charles, after hearing the commotion, decided to move seats. shidou’s tray bumped into yuuri’s, creating a short and snappy sound that resonated in the room. he pulls her close to him, tucking her close to his armpits while the rest of the team sighs. 

“after blue lock, i’m going to see if sae and i will become roommates! after that explosive game we had, i can’t wait to see him again.” 

the team follows suite in this trend, everyone expressing a different kind of interest and plan after the program ends. it becomes so rowdy that it captures the attention of loki passing by the hall. 

“i want to go home and watch the new alice in the wonderland movie in theaters!”

“i’ll visit the mall, there are new glasses i want to buy before soccer season comes up again.” 

“i want to see some of my friends again, it’s been a while since i saw them. they wanted to see a movie together…”

“i’ll go back to playing soccer more seriously.” 

whilst everyone chatted away at their future plans, yuuri slowly faces rin. he was the only person that didn’t move seats. if anything, it felt like he pulled himself further away from the noise. but like a rope to the moon, yuuri calls out to him, lips pressing together into a smile.

“captain, what will you do after blue lock is over?”

at first, he doesn’t respond. he only chews his food, drowning out everyone else’s voice. the answer came to him immediately. when blue lock ends, and everyone parts ways, he will continue playing soccer until he can beat his older brother. that’s all there is to it. there was nothing more and nothing less about it. he will become the greatest striker in the world and that blue lock, as exceptional as it is, was just a stepping stone to his hidden potential. 

he’ll leave everyone behind in favor of this short-lived dream. even when he grows old and weak, he would want to continue playing soccer until his bone crumbles into dust. he hopes that because of his strict regiment and aftercare, he could avoid retiring before the age of 30. he doesn’t want to be washed out like every other athlete. a future without soccer is something unfathomable to him.

his turquoise eyes flicker over to yuuri, who despite being surrounded by a group of boisterous men, stayed to look in his direction. she patiently waits for an answer, intent on hearing him speak despite being a whole table away from her.

he tilts his head down, pushing aside beads of rice from the walls of his small bowl. 

“...i’ll visit a cafe before i practice soccer.” 

the radiant sparkle in her gaze grows bigger, the pupils in her eyes growing by a near thirty-percent. unable to contain her smile, she raises her hand to cover her lips, struggling to keep herself together in front of everyone else. he hurriedly turns away, hiding the conflicted expression on his face. as much as he wants to keep seeing her smile, he needs to focus on something more important (like soccer and beating sae). 

or at least, that’s what he tells himself.

[the-monkey-ruler]

Dong Yue is such a troll because from the wiki I got this

At the end of the novel, the author lists twelve hypothetical questions that a reader might ask and answers them. Some of the answers are very similar in nature and, sometimes, contradictory.

The eighth asks how it's possible for Monkey to have a wife and children. He states that the book is simply a dream.

Since the Supplement is about Wukong’s desires, it would be funny if Wukong subconsciously thought Princess Iron Fan was pretty and that Demon Bull King didn’t deserve her (therefore uncle) and that she’d make a good mom for his 5 sons that he also apparently desired? Wukong desiring Tang to be a warlord though XD

Anyway bad timeline where everyone is OOC because it’s a fever dream sounds crazy awesome I wish I could read it.

Sometimes people are all about allegories, and nothing about substance! Which nothing wrong as long as it is entertaining. I do like how he anticipated the question because he knew himself, but he didn't explain them well enough. Also that Red Boy also doesn't exist in the book as it was said that these were Princess Iron Fan's first kids so its like Wukong willed Red Boy from ever existing as well! THAT IS FUNNY! He wanted a big family and no annoying nephew! Nooooo!

But you can read it actually it’s in English!

Here’s a link!

You are going to make a profile but still. Even comes with audio options if you want it out loud.

Have fun with the crazy fever dream!

While I will admit it is absolutely insane. I myself hope one day to have a script of how to make it into something of substance because I think there is a lot to work with. Time travel and inter-dimensional transportation aren't anything new but to know that this was one of the first 'time travel' books out there is pretty fun! It’s somewhere between a dream and a nightmare, where the dreams become so intense that they just go overboard. I feel like nowadays a lot could be played with, especially with how to look into what Wukong really wants and what he is willing to do to take it when in the middle of his journey. Like to measure himself mentally where he has changed from being willing to do anything in his power to get what he wants verse actually seeing the consequences of his desire affecting those around him that he has grown to care about and how their lives are ruined as well.

Sanzang becoming a general probably is too farfetched but the idea is that he becoming controlled by a Evil King because Wukong left and Sanzang lost his way. Now THAT can be interesting. Bajie tries to go back to Gao but as expected by rejected and thus he also joins the Evil Army. THAT is a cool take. Wujing being lost in all this and going back to hire hermit lifestyle, THAT IS SAD. BaiLong been forever, forgotten by his family and force the roam the Earth has a horse. THAT IS ALSO SO SAD. I don't know why people look any further for angst when if this story could be put in a more cohesive manner without the loose plot point or useless quests could be an interesting introspective of Wukong's desires have how they have changed from what he thought he wants versus what he wants now.

I do feel like a lot of the takes are more out of character but that is what makes it kind of scary and a bad timeline way. To think that because you (Wukong) can push people to new means. Maybe Wukong just wanted a big family before and missed his monkey, projecting that onto Princess Iron Fan who is deprived of both a son and husband and he understood that missing family. And maybe he feels responsible for both Bajie and Wujing on his journey to keep them together else they lose their ways and just go back to being forgotten criminals of heaven, nothing better than canon fodder. And his greatest fear of Sanzang losing his way... and becoming more like him. Choosing violence as the real answer to his problems, similar to Wukong. Any little desire he wished for Sanzang to be "more like him" taken to the extreme of him being a general sending out armies.

And it's that image of King Paramita, his desire for a family verse General Sanzang, his desire for Sanzang to be stronger (or rather just a little bit crueler to their enemies) being forced to confront each other in the climax!

Like I said there are a lot of wishy-washy side quests in the middle that really lead nowhere and are more of a commentary of the times and certain historical figures but there CAN be a lot of interesting plot points that could be SO MUCH FUN to play with! Wukong is always some of the first to say that he is a monk that left the family but maybe he still has that desire to be more than a grandpa to his monkeys and he a family man, but is that worth the cost of the friends he made along the way? I like to think that a lot of dreams are more his distorted desires which is what a lot of the book is. He even meets himself in a human form in the book which helps him out of his red strong of desire to help see reason.

It is only at the end when he sees the son he never knew kill Sanzang does he lose his mind, going into his giant form as he tries to destroy everything around him in a second.

But he can't.

Because he finally starts to wake up.

And when he sees that Fake Fish coming in as their "new" fellow disciples.

Man does NOT hesitate to snap his neck for messing with his dreams like that.

Have to admit that is definitely one way to end a story! But why anyone that is interested I definitely recommend it a read if anyone has the time!

[potteresque-ire]

hello, ily metas! thank you for taking the time for them. i hope you dont mind an ask with two follow up questions to your metas i'm curious about: 1) has mxtx rly been sentenced? i have seen others also share this news but other fans have quickly dismissed and gotten pissed at these reports for being fake news that are bad for mxtx, and as fearmongering. 2) for those who want to support yizhan but not the ccp, do you have advice how to navigate fan support and interaction with their media?

Hello! I apologise for the late reply!  You’ve brought up some interesting points, so please forgive me for responding with an essay.

First, about MXTX — This is a follow-up to this post.

Unfortunately, this is all we got—all everyone has got about MXTX’s current situation: on 2020/11/10, she was sentenced in Hangzhou Shang Cheng District’s People’s Court (杭州市上城區人民法院). No details were given on her verdict, due to “人民法院認為不宜在互聯網公布的其它情形”  (“The People’s Court decided it inappropriate to announce further details on the internet”). Here’s a link with the screenshot that showed all the information released about the case that day.

There are enough copies of similar screenshots to this one online, with the differences dependent on where the publisher pulled the information from the same website: 中國裁判文書網, an online archive of verdicts run by China Supreme People’s Court. There’re few reasons, therefore, to believe the information on the screenshot was fake. The link I used was Sina’s Financial News, which I believe is trustworthy enough for China’s standard.

It is also important to note, of course, that two scenarios may still render this screenshot irrelevant. 1) The verdict, which was not mentioned in the screenshot, was “not guilty” and 2) the name listed in the case, 袁依楣, was not MXTX at all.

Few have seemed to suspect 2) to be a possibility. Her real name might have been prior knowledge among some fans, or the combination of her surname and city of residence. 1) has been the where the concern / debate is.

I included China’s rate of conviction in the original post for this reason: acquittal is exceedingly rare (<0.1%) for the arrested in China. This short article discussed some reasons.

So, is it possible that MXTX is now a free woman? Yes. Is it likely? Not at all.

Still, since the probability that MXTX is imprisoned isn’t 100%, is spreading this news smearing her name? Fear-mongering?

I can only answer for myself, Anon, but my answer is no for both questions, which is why I’ve felt comfortable posting about her case. MXTX’s alleged “crimes” are things we already knew she did, or common practices among Chinese IP writers. We know she penned MDZS and other BL works; we know MDZS, in particular, has an 18+ element. She was said to have sold merch based on her works, but that wasn’t unusual at all for writers in Jinjiang, where she published her writing. Even those who don’t like her have seemed to agree that it was her writing that got her into trouble, not some other crimes she could’ve committed.

IMO, a guilty verdict doesn’t tell us as much about her as it does about the judicial system, the business practices of her country. It’s worth re-mentioning that media giants such as Tencent are closely tied to the government; Tencent’s WeChat, for example, is part of China’s Great Firewall and is used for surveillance, for censorship and removal of political dissidents. What MXTX’s case hints at is this: the government has (very likely) convicted her, while its close allies are continuing to use her works—works that got her into legal trouble in the first place—to make money. Some fans of MXTX have questioned if the courts have censored the details of the case to save the embarrassment of the rich and powerful, calling what has happened to MXTX 人血饅頭 (“human blood steamed buns”), an idiom used to describe the act of profiting out of someone elses’ life.

As for fear-mongering, here are my thoughts ~ it would’ve been fear-mongering if the public has access to the facts, and not years after they happen. Specifically, it would’ve been fear-mongering to leak the rumours of MXTX’s sentencing, when the judicial system is transparent and the case details will soon be published for all to see. Why? Because “fear” comes from the unknown, and “-monger” is the unnecessary promotion, stirring-up of this fear.

To promote, stir up anything, one needs a reference level. The reference level in this scenario is this: what is the level of fear if the facts about MXTX’s (and other BL writers’) situation are known? Of course, this knowledge doesn’t make MXTX’s experience any easier or more just; it doesn’t cause her less fear. However, she isn’t the target audience of this likely-to-be-true rumour. The target audience is the public and in particular, those who consume and/or generate BL material online.

What is the level of fear among this population if the facts about MXTX’s (and other BL writers’) situation are known? It’s the (relative) comfort in knowing the government’s stance on what they do: how the administration feels about BL, 18+ BL, and their distribution methods. The comfort comes from having the right information to decide how to act accordingly. For example, if I’m a BL writer based in China and I know the court has found MXTX guilty of bypassing publishing houses but not of writing M/M romance, then I’ll know to not produce paper versions of my writing, but I can keep writing.

This reference level of fear is unavailable here, however, since the government has decided to withhold all details about the case. Without this reference level, fear-mongering becomes a ... difficult to define concept.

Are these likely-to-be-true rumours agents of fear, or are they hints on how to survive in a country that lacks transparency?

Continuing with the example of I being a Chinese BL writer, since I cannot expect to hear more facts about MXTX, this rumour is all I’ve got in choosing what to do with my hobby, in deciding whether it is safe to continue. As I’m aware that a rumour isn’t a fact, I first research on the rumour’s likelihood of truth (similar to what I’ve done for MXTX’s case), and cross my fingers that I don’t get it wrong.

By doing so, I’m turning these rumours into my survival guide.

Is it risky? Yes. Is it exhausting? Absolutely. But this is the way of life for people who live under secretive, authoritarian governments—the authoritarian element making it impossible to demand more facts. It may take people outside such regimes some time to get used to—to the lifestyle, and to the idea that, in a place where news is often synonymous with propaganda, rumours are breadcrumbs of truth that should be sieved through with equal care as one would sieve through the news. Heeding, considering the probable truth of what the authority has deemed to be fear-mongering rumours can be a matter of literal life and death. 

Take...COVID. (I apologize for bringing up this unpleasant topic!)

I shall link to an article about the early spread of COVID in Wuhan here and ask: were Dr. Li Wenliang and the seven other doctors fear-mongering? Wuhanese chose to believe in the government, but at what cost to them? What would the world be like today if they took the early COVID rumours as true and masked up like Hong Kongers—Hong Kongers who weren’t any smarter or better, but had simply learned their painful lessons from the 2003 SARS epidemic? 

(Why hadn’t the Wuhanese learned? Because the government has long changed the narrative of SARS, taught their people that the illness originated in Hong Kong.) 

(How can one learn from past mistakes if one pretends those mistakes never existed?)

You must be wondering, Anon, why I’m talking about COVID when your next question is about YiZhan. The death of Dr Li Wenliang on February 7th, 2020, sparked a demand for freedom of speech rarely seen in internet-age China. Its fury, its ferocity forced the government to change its stance on Dr Li, again an unusual move. Since January 2020, Weibo had been censoring COVID news and opinion pieces that shedded a negative light to the central government; after the death of Dr Li, the censorship apparatus stepped up, making way for the propaganda machine to kick in later and change the narrative of the pandemic.

Here are some questions without definite answers, but may be food for thought for YiZhan fans:

1) While the Chinese government’s censorship apparatus (including Weibo) might have silenced the voices of dissent, of mourning on the surface, was it more likely to pacify, or fuel the anger of netizens, many of whom had lost loved ones, many of whom were still under quarantine?

2) Less than three weeks after the death of Dr Li, a group of fans demanded even *more* censorship from the government—the closing of an internet website that had been seen as a relatively free space to express oneself. How would these netizens react, even though they knew little about these fans or their idol?  

(It was, in the context of the massive silencing of COVID discussions in China, that I learned about the ban of AO3. There had been rumours that the government would censor more websites on 2020/03/01. When I read about AO3′s ban on 2/27, my thoughts were 1) Hmm. This came two days early. 2) AO3? Really?)

(I wouldn’t watch The Untamed or know who Gg was until several months later.)

Now, Anon, this is a good time to get to your CCP (Chinese Communist Party) question.

The very short answer is no. There’s no way to support YiZhan without, to a certain level, supporting the CCP. As mentioned above, the media companies are all part of China’s surveillance system. Weibo is where freedom of speech is curbed. Our two boys have been part of the propaganda machine; the BBC article linked above had a tiny picture of Gg on it, as he was a performer in the Hero in Harm’s Way (最美逆行者), a “real-life based” drama on COVID. DD just did a show glorying the Chinese police force (and here’s a video of the same force welding doors to lock in COVID-stricken residents).

Nonetheless, here’s my first advice: please do not beat yourself up for supporting YiZhan!

Gg and Dd are people who live within the system, inside the Great Firewall. They understand the world the way their government has taught them to—not only in school, but also in the news and media. Like most youths in every country, they’re patriotic—and to expect them to be otherwise, especially because of information they don’t have, is both unrealistic and unfair. Even if they do know about certain things impermissible within the Firewall, in China (as in many Communists countries), openly expressing / performing one’s proper political leanings (ie. loyalty towards CCP) is among the most important pre-requisites for any job. This has been especially true for c-ent in recent years .

They, like most of their countrymen, are doing what they have to do.

In this case, it comes to us, our decisions on how to interact with their works. How should we deal with them, their propaganda elements?

The answer, of course, varies from person to person. Personally, I’ve chosen the approaches of “immunisation” and “restriction”. By “immunisation”, I mean learning about as much historical and sociopolitical facts from non-CCP sponsored sources; this is understandably difficult for someone who doesn’t already have some familiarity with the culture and politics of the region, and/or cannot read the language. 

Restriction means limiting my consumption of media produced by China. I avoid shows (dramas, documentaries, variety etc) featuring topics that are likely to contain heavy propaganda, such as the military, the police, Hong Kong/Macao/Taiwan, and of course, anything pertaining to the CCP, from its rise to its governance of the country.

In general, I’m wary of all information presented about the post-monarchy years (post 1911), even though CCP wouldn’t begin its reign until after WWII (1949). Why so early? 1) Because CCP was formed in 1921 and so its glorification requires a change of narrative since then; 2) because the Nationalist Party (Kuomintang, KMT), which governed China between 1912 and 1949 (the so-called Republican Era 民國), would end up exiling to and setting up a new government in Taiwan.

How much propaganda should one expect in shows depicting the country post-1911? The current TV and webdrama directives (previously discussed in this post) offer some hints. Here are my translations of the relevant items:

D7) Dramas about the Republican era: Glorification of the Republican Era, the Beiyang Government, and Warlord Era requires strict control.

D10) Crime drama: crime drama is the focus of content auditing. The Ministry of Public Security (Pie note: in charge of law enforcement, ie, police) will be involved in the audit. The process of crime solving cannot be exposed; criminal psychology and motivations can however be depicted in detail. Undercover police cannot use drugs or kill, or damage the image of the police force. Criminals must be punished by law.

D12) Dramas featuring realistic topics: realistic topics must adhere to the correct world view, philosophy of life and moral values. They cannot place too strong an emphasis on social conflicts, must showcase the beautiful lives of the commoners. Regular folks should display larger-than-life sentiments and aspirations; they can pursue wealth, but must use proper means to do so; they cannot damage the public image of specific employment types, groups and social organisations. Do not preach negative or decadent world view, philosophy of life and moral values. Do not exaggerate, amplify social issues; do not over showcase, display the darker sides of society; do not preach affluence, avoid things that have no basis in real life.

D16) Dramas featuring the Revolution (Pie note: CCP’s coming to power): 2019 is the publicity period of the 70th Anniversary of the People’s Republic of China. Although the “Three Importances” (important revolution, important people, important events) are still encouraged, the  National Radio and Television Administration requires all departments, at all levels, to strengthen the control of content and the overall management of the industry, and focus on the auditing of content pertaining to the Sino-Japanese war and espionage dramas.

These directives (as those translated in the other post) are as vague as they are restrictive, and to err on the side of caution, production companies tend to “overachieve” to avoid going against headwinds at the censorship board. This means their products have a tendency to malign the Republican Era (D7). It means they will likely twist history in trying to depict the CCP as faultless heroes (D16). It means they'll probably present a utopian-like society and call it reality-based (D12), a society in which the good guys share the same values as the CCP and always win (D10).

Yes, my “restriction” means I skipped Hero in Harm’s Way. It means I’ve never listened to Gg’s version of 我和我的祖國 despite my absolute adoration of his voice. It means I just missed Dd’s performance in the law enforcement celebration event. It means I don’t plan on watching Being A Hero and Ace Troops.

So here’s where I’ve drawn the line, Anon, but it doesn’t mean that’s what anyone should do. Only you alone can decide where your own comfort zone is. I write these metas in the hopes that it can offer a … gateway for those who’d like to understand, with a more telescopic lens, Gg and Dd’s country—a country that holds a particularly strong hold over its citizens’ fate including, yes, their romantic fate. It’s not my wish to impose my opinions on anyone.

If I have other hopes… It’s this. Please, as long as it’s safe for you to talk, do not self-censor—especially about facts, especially on sites like Tumblr or Twitter that have long been banned by the Chinese government. I don’t mean one should go about and confront those who insist on a different version of reality. To undo opinions rooted in years of education, IMO, the process has to be voluntary, and the information is already at the fingertips of those who’re surfing these sites and wish to learn more. More importantly, open discussions of these topics may be risky for those who still have close ties to China, and keeping them safe should always be the top priority. 

What I mean is simply this ~ please do not feel obliged to agree with every perspective presented in YiZhan’s work just because you support the leads. Please do not feel you must remain silent about the CCP—its good, bad and ugly—just because your favourite stars happen to come from the country it’s ruling. And please remember: “Chinese”, as a term, has always included people who live outside CCP’s control, many of whom still fully embrace the culture, traditions and values of Historical China, a 5000-years long string of dynasties with shifting borders, ethnic makeup and customs. The Untamed is a mainland Chinese production, yes, but its genre, its manner of presenting certain traditions, wouldn’t have been developed, or flourished, without the diaspora. The CCP has only been the ruling party of one country, the People’s Republic of China, for 71 years, and as a party with foreign (soviet) roots and a record of destroying the pillar of the country’s tradition, Confucianism, it doesn’t own a monopolistic say on how every Chinese should think and act—no matter how much it insists it does—or how everyone should think and speak about China and its people.

It isn’t qualified.

[ptitelidio]

“Black and White Contrast” a rivetra theory

Hi Rivetra fans, actually this is my first post on tumblr and I hope you will like it. Just to say a few words before beginning my rivetra theory, I ship Rivetra sooo hard but I like and respect other ships. Please if you get to see this post and like or share my opinion, an answer would be so cool! 

PS. Sorry for my English, I’m not a fluent speaker, but I try my best :) enjoy!

First, basically I called this post ‘Black and White contrast’ because I found out that the relationship between Levi and Petra is like this, a contrast, in many fields.

To show this I will use photos of manga panels, of the anime and Petra’s song, the light of two wings.

Let’s begin with the song. The first opposition we can see is in Levi personality; Petra describes Levi like that “Your sterness always stems from gentleness And I felt a warm light behind those harsh words“, basically she sees his true nature, behind the darkness, there is a light, that’s what she says. 

Now the other contrast is between the painful and the happy moments she went through:          “ I recall plentry of painful things.. But I made it to where I am , Free of doubts.. Sharing smiles and laughter along the way “

Now she says: “ Tiny feathers gather one by one Forming a white wing Fragile lives are lost one by one Leaving behind a black wing “

That’s when we get to read something with ‘black’ and ‘white’, here she talks about two wings, a black and a white. The white being composed of feathers (analogy with soldiers lives lost one by one), and apparently she talks about a black wing left behind... we’ll get to see more info about it further on. But it seems to be ralted with death, isn’t it?

“ Though a bird may be born to soar across the skies I’m sure it won’t be able to fly well with only one wing But you will shoulder the determination of all that is white and black And guide everyone to great distances beyond the walls “

She says that a bird can’t fly without two wings, so the black and the white ones. And he will ‘shoulder the determination of all that is white and black’, in other words the determination to fight of the deads and the living is something he has to carry on. She is talking to Levi, and says that he is the one to guide everyone beyond the walls, 

Then, she finally says before dying: 

“Don’t forget that you have the light of dual wings sprouting from your back                                                             And if I were to give a name to the light I felt…yes.. it would be… Hope..“

So once again that the light of dual wings (black and white) shows that he carry the spirit of the deads and the living, I repeat this on purpose because you will see that the symbolism of the contrast has not been chosen by chance, but on purpose. 

The second other point is that she perceives that light as hope, obviously we understand why, Levi is considered as the humanity’s greatest, so he’s the most expected to save the Eldian people. 

Now.. let’s show the black and white contrast elsewhere. 

Do a black and a white wings ring a bell?

Yup... exactly. And I’ll prove that they can symbolise Levi and Petra relationship. They can also show many other relationships in the SC but here, and with the song, it takes a different dimension, like thir relationship was like a black and white wing = black -> death, sadness... and white -> light, hope, or life

Petra is dead and Levi is alive,

Petra sees light inside Levi, whereas he grew up on a dark place (underground) and frequented bad people everyday (criminels etc...)

Now let’s focus on the anime...

What do you notice in this passage? This was when they were going to the former Survey Corps HQ with Eren. 

Petra’s horse is WHITE and Levi’s is BLACK, here Levi’s one does not seems so black but you can check on other photos in the Internet and you’ll see that he’s actually black, but now because of light and shadow it’s a bit light but whatever.

So, you probably notice that nearly every horse is colored in brown but not Levi’s, Petra’s and Erwin’s. Some other horses are colored in light brown but it’s not like them three, the colors are strikely different. And in the manga the horses were all brown basically, so why this change of color? Not for nothing obviously, the great messages remain in little details..

This photos shows that the horse are basically all brown.

Another contrast is Levi and Petra’s physical appearance, they are obviously different. He is black-haired, she is blond (ginger in the anime but the contrast stays with light color and dark color..) even their eyes in the anime are different but that’s not the essence of the theory, that was just a remark.

Now look at the Petra’s and Levi’s scene when she died and he looked down at her:

Isayama pictured the contrast in dark and light, notice how Levi appears in the light part of the grass and Petra in the dark one, she is dead and he’is alive. And bigger than that, there is also Levi’s Wings of Freedom emblem on his cloack, a double contrast where the white one is in the right and the black one on the left. Petra is on the ground, Levi in the air. They complete each other every time.

The contrast is even more striking in this panel:

The position of the panels for comparison, the position of the heads and eyes, Levi looking down and Petra looking up. The contrast in their hair is also emphcised here. Don’t you notice something else? If no, look at the Wings of Freedom emblem I put...

Yes... Levi is at the left (black wing) and Petra is at the right (black wing)... the analogy is here for those who searched for it.

And once again, their life status, one alive but painfully sad and the other dead but with an unfulfilled dream and she didn’t get the chance to confess to Levi, I quote:

“ And so.. I will die.. believing that.. Oh….how i wish this would last… But…it seems like my time is up… I have…one last thing…..I would like to tell you..                                            No… Nevermind…It’s Nothing….  “ (Petra’s song)

Let’s continue. 

Remember, we said that Petra tought Levi was the hope of humanity’s survival (she says it in her song). Now, did you know that Levi thought exactly the same of her? I will show it to you, and that was basically implied on Petra’s last scene. 

We all know how Petra put trust over all other things, work team was very important to her. The sentence that we remember the most of her is “trust us”, in her last scene -- when she and her team were riding horses and the Female Titan was hunting them -- she said that exact sentence to Eren. 

PS: It is written in French, but you can check it in English on your own if you want.

And everybody knows that Levi didn’t know if it was the good choice whether to put his trust on his comrades or to just rely on his own strengh. Well, on that day, Levi had a strong proof that he should believe in his comrades. 

Here: Petra: “Captain?!”, 

Levi: “He’s a real monster, I know that very well, not only because he has Titan abilities... no matter how strong he force with which it is immobilized, no matter how resistant is the cage in whic he is held. Nobody will ever be able to bend his will” 

-> So what does Levi say? He considers that Eren will to fight titans can’t be bend, in other words he is like a monster, ready to do anything to kill his enemies. But basically, Levi’s stance is that NOBODY can’t change his mind. He was sure of that.

And guess what happens? Eren hearing that from Levi wanted to prove that he was not a monster, he had enough. 

Eren “ I had enough. I don’t want to be treated like a monster...”

And the phrase that Petra told him definitely convinced him to do the choice to trust his new squad.

Now look at Levi’s face... he’s startled by Eren’s decision. Yes, he who was so sure that Eren will transform, Petra’s insistence to trust his team proved Levi wrong. That’s why he was so surprised. That scene and Levi’s expression is even on the anime, if you want to check it out.

Well, nobody before succeeded to do this: make Eren change his mind, he’s usually the one to ignore Mikasa’s advices even if he cares a lot for her. Petra, even if she was not so close to him, actually succeeded this task. This startled Levi. Who could change a monster’s mind? Yes, the one to carry hope for humanity. Actually in the anime, EVERY soldier carries that hope obviously, but in that precise moment, Petra was the hope Levi wanted for humanity. 

This reminds us of the song, when she says that she though Levi’s light was hope, actually she was also hope, like every one of her comrades. Now, Petra had that same light, hope. 

Oh and remember that panel from Chapter 112:

Yes. “Hope for Humanity’s survival” and beside what character? Petra. Everything is linked lmao, Isayama is a pure genius.

And now that I read this panel alone, it’s like Petra could have said these lines ‘I did it... because I believed he was the hope for humanity’s survival...” in other words, I sacrificed my life for Levi because I thought he was the hope for humanity’s survival. It could fit VERY WELL, I don’t think this is a coincidence because she said the exact same thing in her song...

PS: The Wings of Freedom can represent many pairs in AOT like Erwin and Levi for example, but Petra and Levi formed the wings of freedom too. That’s not a coincidence if Erwin’s horse was also white like Petra’s one, and we know that Erwin convinced Levi to joined the SC the day Ferlan and Isabel died. That day, Levi developed the Ackerbond with Erwin when the latter stated, with his federator charisma, that we can’t get to know the future etc. So Levi had the Ackerbond with Erwin so that’s quite obvious to justify why they can represent the wings of freedom, but what was Petra for Levi apart of a squad member?

Yes, she was special for him whereas he didn’t have the Ackerbond with her, and that’s why she’s even more significant, his blood didn’t play a role in his relationship with her. The only answer I find is, simply, love.

[little-writings]

I HAVE READ THAT THE REQUESTS ARE OPEN AND I HOPE I AM NOT WRONG, can I request Jumin engaging with MC about the random talks she has with him? And like looking at her and thinking: with all the weirdness, she is still cute?? AND THANK YOU!!

Haha, this must’ve been a minute ago because I can’t remember the last time my requests were open fkdslfjkasd but they will be !! I just need to get all the prompts currently in my inbox finished, including this one! But regardless, I hope you have a marvelous day and enjoy! Thank you

———————————————————————————————————–

When Jumin first met you he’d noticed a few things. Of course several of those being your constant kindness, patience, and support of him. Jumin would never quite be able to express just how much that meant to him – how much you meant to him. 

However, he’d also noticed another, peculiar trait of yours. Your active imagination.

He’d never met someone whose mind wandered like yours did. They weren’t the prodding, incessant comments of 707 or ramblings from Yoosung to avoid his work. No, you just… thought about a variety of things. 

It’d first occurred during the afternoon, while Jumin was working. He’d just gotten out of a meeting, looking at the overview just to refresh his mind before he returned to his emails when you called. 

“Hi honey!” Your voice was a cheerful welcome to the otherwise monotonous day he’d been experiencing. “Would you help me with something?” 

Jumin chuckled. “Of course.” 

He’d assumed it’d be deciding your upcoming meal or an activity you’d planned for that afternoon. Something of a usual sort you could tell him about when he came home that evening. Instead, he got something, far different. 

“Do you think dinosaurs had feelings?” 

Jumin sat there a moment, stunned. “Do I… what?” 

You giggled softly. “I know it’s weird but I can’t get it out of my head! Probably because last time 707 visited he made me watch a bunch of dinosaur documentaries.” 

“Why did he do that?” 

“Because he cried watching one of the episodes late one night and wanted someone else to ‘know his pain’.” 

A grin tugged at Jumin’s lips. “That’s not very nice.” 

“No, but it got me thinking! Throughout the show whenever something bad happened the dinosaurs did look sort of sad! And I know they’re just animated, but do you think actual dinosaurs had feelings?” 

Jumin actually considered the question, moving aside his papers and thumping his fingers against the desk in thought. “I mean surely nothing beyond pure instincts, don’t you think?” 

“I thought that too but they do have complex behaviors – the documentaries said they did nesting, raised their young, and a lot of them traveled in packs! That’s got to mean something right?” 

Jumin leaned back in his seat. “In a sense, but plenty of animals do that today, and we don’t consider them to have complex emotions.” 

You laughed and Jumin could hear you falling against pillows. “Fair enough. Not everyone can be like Elizabeth 3rd.” She meowed at the mention of her name. 

“It’s an unfortunate fact.” 

A moment afterward you switched to the next topic that’d come to your mind. It was about the most interesting fact you’d learned about milk not actually being a pleasant drink for cats. Jumin had scribbled that somewhere in his notes for further research. Perhaps milk healthy for cats could be produced?

He found himself so caught up in your constant flow of thoughts he delayed a meeting, only realizing it was actually important when Jahee approached his desk and tapped the names upon the clipboard, urgently. 

“Oh. Thank you, it entirely slipped my mind.” Jumin brought the phone back up to his ear. “Can we continue this conversation when I get home? It should be just after this meeting.” 

“Of course!” You gasped, realizing the time that’d passed. “Can you tell Jahee I’m sorry for keeping you distracted?” 

She must’ve heard you over the phone because she simply nodded, failing to hide the tiniest smile on her fact upon you mentioning her name. 

“I’ll be sure to. I love you.” 

You softened. “I love you too.” 

Jumin came back home when the oranges, reds, and purples clearly painted the skies with the arrival of dusk. You were staring at the old culinary books Jumin’s grandmother had passed down to him years and years ago. He hardly used it, unless he wanted to burn down his home, but it held sentimental value. You weren’t an experienced chef by any means, but you’d taken up the difficult task of teaching Jumin – so far his most elaborate dish being macaroni. 

“Are we trying out a new recipe?” Jumin asked, approaching the dinner table where you sat. Your eyes scanned continuously from page to page and your index finger glided along with the pictures. He set a hand on your shoulder and leaned down to press a kiss on your head. 

You sat up with a faint ‘oh!’, turning around to face him. “I’m so sorry I just got completely lost in thought!” You scrambled to your feet, and Jumin chuckled at the display. Although he wasn’t opposed to the kisses you peppered him with. 

“What were you wondering?” He asked, having to fight against falling against you when you parted. 

“Well!” You tapped the pages of the old book. “Yoosung texted me after we got off the phone, asking if he should cook something or bake something, and I didn’t entirely get the difference, so I thought I’d look in these books!” 

“Did you find your answer?” 

You tipped your head from side to side. “Sort of, but it also just led to more questions?” 

Jumin sat down beside you and you told it all to him. At times you’d even talk a bit too fast for him to keep up, apologizing embarrassedly when Jumin would simply admit it was charming. He adored your excitement. 

Apparently, when you’d read in the books that cooking was “a method of preparing food by using heat,” while baking was “a method of preparing food by also using heat,” you were at least a little dumbfounded. 

Yoosung had said ‘there’s some difference but it’s not like I really know!’ 

So, without any other option, you took to the internet. The most ‘credible’ website you’d come across stated one was considered art while the other a science. That had only furthered your pit of confusion. 

“Why is cooking an art but baking a science? Why is there a difference?” You wrinkled your nose, huffing.

“There’s nothing in the books?” Jumin asked.

“Nothing! One question from Yoosung has ruined me!” 

Jumin grinned. “Down a rabbit hole are we?” 

“You’d want to join me?” 

He leaned forward, adjusting the cuffs of his jacket almost how one would roll up their sleeves. It was… vaguely dramatic. “You say that like I’d rather do anything else.” 

It never surprised you how long you could keep yourself distracted. 

Apparently, cooking was considered art because one could change the measurements and ingredients to one’s own will. Baking, on the other hand, was science for its need for accuracy. 

“That seems subjective,” Jumin remarked, staring at your phone screen where the website shined. “We baked that cake last month and didn’t follow the recipe exactly.”

“Didn’t it burn and taste like cardboard?” 

Jumin paused. “I – some people might like cardboard.” 

“You included?” 

“That would make sense given my abilities.” 

You took his hand and squeezed his palm, brushing your thumb over his knuckles. “I love your cardboard cakes.” 

He never entirely wiped the smile that brought to his face. 

However, chaos ensued again in the home when the topic of ‘baking versus broiling’ appeared. How one could even compare the broiling of meat with the baking of pastries made you contemplate the concept of baking as a whole. And then the concept of concepts. It was a fascinating spiral. 

Jumin found himself simply listening as you raved, one hand held in your own and the other holding his chin. He’d never met someone so prone to contemplation. Usually, Jumin shoved all unnecessary thoughts to the back of his head but you not only accepted them you welcomed them. It brought out some of the most passion and enthusiasm Jumin had ever seen in someone. 

“Cute…” 

You paused in your tirade. You stared at Jumin with eyes widening to the size of saucers. “What?” 

“It’s cute, seeing you so impassioned. I always enjoy hearing your voice but I rarely witness you so riled up. It’s adorable.” 

You’d stopped dead in your tracks, red quickly taking over your cheeks. You ducked your head away in embarrassment. 

“You don’t have to hide.” Jumin chuckled. “We’re married!” 

“I know I just-” You turned back to him and revealed a smile stretching from ear to ear. “that makes me really happy – you make me really happy.” 

You were the only one who made it so easy to melt his heart. A gentle warmth like a candle flickered to life in his chest. Jumin brought your chairs even closer together – the faintest ‘clack’ of the seats as they bumped.

Jumin laughed. “Don’t get me started.” 

[witchyintention]

Deities: What Are They, How to Work With Them & How to Find Them.

As a beginner witch deities are exciting and most want to jump into it right away. As someone who works with 7 let me tell you it is draining. Most people will simply tell you a big fat NO! At the mention of deities and not really tell you why it's a no for beginners. For one it takes a lot out of you. For two deities are a big step in your practice and you must work on the fundamentals before you even think of working with them. If you don't work on your grounding, shadow work, mediation and basic knowledge of witchcraft things can spiral out of control. This can get very dangerous very quickly. Deities are gods (or simply higher beings. I refer them to gods often so just keep this as a note) after all and someone weak trying to handle something powerful is disastrous. 

Think of tv, video games or movies. When someone who doesn't know what they are doing trying to summon something they have no business summoning it turns into a horror shit show. 

This is kinda how you should think of deities. However you are more than capable of worshipping them just like any other religion. Pray and leave offerings. You can even ask for guidance from them and that's perfectly fine. But do reframe from actually using them in your spell work.

Let me tell you about the difference. I have yet to go into spell work but you always cast a circle. So working with would be talking with a guide during any point of a spell. Your circle is a sacred space that's intended for your energy. By inventing other beings into the circle you are allowing them access to your energies.

When seeking help you pray and ask for a sign. Remember to keep this way from any sort of spellwork, you do not want just anyone to have access to your energies. 

Any time that you invite them into your circle, they are able to use your energy and feed off it. Now inviting them can be as simple as saying their name. From that point you are working with them. Because once they can work with your energy they can effect your spellwork. If it's an entity, that can then cause potential harm. By allowing them in your circle you're opening up the chance of that happening. Spells could go wrong or you could end up in the hospital. There are many stories of novice witches opening their circle to these entities because they don't know any better. Many ended up in the hospital and even dead.

I have said witchcraft, as fun and exciting as it is, can be very dangerous. I do not tell you the things I do to scare you but to educate you. You need to know exactly what you're going into. And that is the purpose of this series.

Though I have been saying deities this also includes spirit guides such as the Fae, Angels Ancestors and everything in between. When you do get to this point in your practice you can in fact have a mix of all of them. I primarily work with the greek pantheon however I have called upon others to aid me in the message they were trying to give. For example I do not work with Apollo however a friend of mine had been seeing signs of him along with the name being whispered in the back of their mind. 

(I'll take any chance to include anime. 😅)

This friend came to me to see if it was realy Apollo or something else that was pretending to be the god. This also frequently happens with beginner witches. They are more prone to believing something that isn't a god when told it is. This friend knew that and consulted me about it. As a result I found out it was Apollo and had him aid me in the message he wished to tell this friend through tarot. 

This was an example of me working with a god who I do not usually work with. However it is very much okay and actually encouraged to do some reading into Spirit  guides such as deities, Angel's and so on. Read about their lore and things associated with them. This will help you later or even now if you have been seeing signs from them. 

However if you anything like me you'll fall far down the rabbit hole of deities. I have been studying on greek and roman mythology since the 4th or 5th grade. Later when I moved halfway through 5th grade I was thrown into a group where we would choose a topic and do research on it. The theme we chose was greek mythology. The god I chose was Hades. I had always felt Hades had a bad reputation. With that I had this crazy goal to try and explain to everyone in my class he wasn't a bad guy. That he was just a guy who loves his wife and dog. 

Here I am nearly ten years later working with him. Did it take me a while? Yes. Will it take you this long? Maybe not. For me most of the years I have spent being a witch was studying rather than actual spellwork. You learn by doing, sure but when you already know the knowledge, putting it into action is much easier. Not to mention not all of us could do actually spell work due to this and that. Whatever reason you might be in the broom closet for.

Now once you have done your research keep an eye out for potential signs. It's best to look into all the gods. I had a witch who had thought she was dealing with Hades when it actually turned out to be Anubis. They both similar for what they rule over so getting them confused as a beginner is understandable. Especially when you only do research on one type of lore like greek. It's best to explore all the lore of all the different types. You have Egyptian, Greek/Roman, Norse, Celtic, Japanese, Angels, Fae and so many more. Do you have to read up about all of them? No but you probably should.

But let's be real here. Not everyone is going to. So pick maybe five that stand out to you then most and go fall down the rabbit hole of spirit guides. Also do keep in mind that if you see signs of one they could simply have a message for you rather than being a potential deity to work with. Like I had explained earlier with Apollo. He had a message for my friend and it was nothing more than that. Spirit guides of any sort can come and go as they please. Some might only come because you need them then in that moment.

What I have noticed is most don't have more than three spirit guides. I'm sure there are many who have more but from what I have seen in finding them for people they have had three or less. I find the hardest ones to figure who exactly they are, there the ancestors. I've had a few witches ask me to help find their guides and it was an ancestor who dated back 500 years ago. At that point I have absolutely no idea how to tell you exactly who this person was. Especially since not everyone in the world was written in a history book for doing something worthy of being written in books.

Also not many can actually trace their family tree that far back anyways. I sure as hell can't. 

Now you're probably asking when is the right time to actually start working with them? Well it differs from person to person. You can ask a more established witch like myself. Other times you just know. But I wouldn't trust that "I just know feeling" until you have strong intuition skills. I have many of my Protégés and regulars asking if they are ready all the time. How do I know? Easy divination. I have a strong bond with my deities so they always tell me the truth even when it might hurt me. Sometimes I have to tell them that when I notice a hesitation in their answering.

And truthful you will know when you know. Meeting mine just happened out of the blue. I was doing tarot readings during a live broadcast when I was suddenly hit with fatigue. I had the sudden urge to ask my pendulum if my spirit guides were present. I had a hunch of who they might have been and went through the list. If they said yes I then gave a true or false question about said deities lore. Let me tell you meeting all seven of them was exhausting. That night I did 8 readings with 8 different gods. One wasn't even my spirit guide or Patron God. Zeus just felt like hanging out.

And though I say you will just know when the time is right many will still just take that leap even when they are not ready. When it comes to deities you need to be cautious and actually ready for it. Don't just jump in because it sounds fun and you want them now. If you are uncertain about things in regards to them simply ask for help. I have built a community for exactly that.

Everyone needs help from time to time, even me. Do not be scared to ask for help because it's better you ask then things going wrong. I am always open for you to ask questions about the craft. I am always willing to help. If I do not know the answer I will however find it for you and the information will be trustworthy unlike the internet most of the time.

Witchcraft is exciting. I know. Yes it's a lot of fun. But please, you know yourself better than you think. Do your shadow work, meditate, learn your history and if you need help seek it out. 

That's all I have for today so until next time stay witchy! Blessed Be.

✩ Don't Steal Other Peoples Work ✩

Written:

June 28, 2020

By:

Reine Alicis

[schreibertc]

7. You want to make things official.

Liev and you had been dating for 10 months the day you started having doubts about your relationship.

Your man was the best. He was always sweet, nice, gentle, comprehensive and the both of you enjoyed every single moment you spend together.

You had absolutely nothing bad to say about him... Except maybe the fact that he had not made your relationship official yet.

Of course, there were articles about you guys, rumors spreading on the internet about the fact you were dating. But Liev had never answered any of them and never really introduced you as his girlfriend or took you to an event with him.

And to be honest, you really started to find it weird.

That day, Liev and you were out for a coffee with his cute dog Scout. You ordered the usual, a latte with soy milk and he asked the waitress for his usual : a black coffee with sugar.

You both chatted a little, but you weren't really in the mood to be all cheerfull and happy. Liev, who knew you better than anyone else, instantly noticed the change in your behavior.

"Babe." He said in his sweet but deep voice as his large hand lay down on yours. "What's wrong?"

You faked a smile as you didn't want to start any argument or drama. The truth was you were scared to talk about that to him. Even if he was the most comprehensive person on Earth, you didn't want to lose him for something so stupid.

"Everything's fine." You told him, but didn't look into his eyes.

Liev couldn't be taken for a fool. He arched an eyebrow and shook his head as he held your hand tighter for you to look at him.

"Y/N, you didn't even order a slice of cake with your coffee. You know you can't lie to me." He smiled in a sweet way so that you'd feel comfortable.

You sighed and took a deep breath as you placed your other hand in top of his. "Listen Liev, there's something I'd like us to talk about, but I don't know how to bring it up."

He suddenly looked concerned, but tried to remain calm. "Just speak your mind, I'm listening to you."

You looked into his eyes and nodded. "I am bothered by the fact we aren't official yet. I mean... There are lots of rumors about us, but you never confirmed any of them. You never take me to special events, not even on set. We've been together for 10 months and I feel like we are still a secret. Why's that? You don't love me? You are waiting to see if you can get someone better? A real mature woman, who'll be a thousand times more beautiful than me?"

The man was truly surprised by what you had just said. He shook his head and his cheeks slightly turned red.

"I- I don't know you felt that way. To be honest, I thought you were pretty happy with our situation right now."

You suddenlt saw how fragile Liev was. He was probably thinking that you wanted to break up with him right now.

"No Liev, I am happy. This is not the point. But can you just give me an answer... Why aren't you taking me with you to events, or even confirming that we are a couple?"

Liev looked back into your beautiful eyes and started answering your question. "The reason why I haven't made us official yet is because I want you to have your privacy for as long as possible. Being under the spotlights isn't easy everyday baby girl, and I want to protect you."

You could see he was honest from the way he was looking at you. His eyes were glowing and he probably felt moved by this situation.

"But if this is what you want, if you think you are ready, I can take you with me to ceremonies or on set. You know baby, I talk about you to the Ray cast. I simply wanted to keep you away from all of this until the day you would tell me that you are ready to face it all."

Liev looked so handsome with his short beard and his green shirt on. He had that charming smile on his face and you knew all you had thought was just the result of hours of overthinking and wasn't even close to what was really happening.

You nodded and smiled at him. "I really like the fact you are protecting me from all of this." Your thumb caressed the back of his large hand. "But I think I arrived at the point where I don't want to hide anymore. I want everyone to know, and yes, I would love to go on set and to ceremonies with you." You smiled widely.

Liev nodded and intertwined his fingers with yours. "Great then. You're my sweetheart you know? And you should never think I'm ashamed of you or that you're just a secret, because this is not true." He smiled at you and leaned in, kissing you in public for the first time.

You smiled in a silly way as you adored his kisses and just his way to be himself. He sat back and whispered. "Now we're going to be official. There's a paparazzi not far, I saw him earlier." He chuckled.

You looked around discretly and noticed the man hidden at a distance from you guys, but close enough to take the picture.

Your gaze met his again. "You are the most amazing man I know, Liev Schreiber." You smiled in a playful way and tilted your head to the side.

"Now that everything is okay, can we drink our coffees before they get cold?" He chuckled as he let go of your hands.

"Yes..." You started. "But first, I'm going to go and order some cake." You winked as you got up.

Liev laughed. When you came back with it, he discretly took a picture of you with your coffee and your cake and Scout sat on your lap. He posted it on his Instagram with the following caption "Happy Sunday everyone x"

---

I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED IT ❤️

[epinosicc]

This is going to be quite chaotic, but this is something I wrote late one stormy July night about my life this far and how I’ve realized my problems

Okay it’s around midnight where I’m at so it’s time to rant instead of sleeping because I’m a minor and I have ✨issues✨

I tend to think more than what’s probably considered healthy, mostly because I do t have people to talk to. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends, but I don’t know what they’re doing and I don’t want to burden them with my stupid problems. So like any sane person I write my problems on the internet.

I usually think about the weird things when it’s raining. It’s something about the sound and feeling of rain that makes me more content, which makes me think. Now, I don’t have any big problems by any means. I’m simply figuring myself and my life out.

First of all, my previously mentioned friends. I trust them, of course, but at the same time I don’t. And like many who think to much and have a strange amount of self-awareness, I think I know why that is. When I first started going to school, I was confident. I’d already had friends before and thought I knew how to make new ones. The problem with that is that said friends did not go to my school, so I was alone. Until I met my first two friends. They were very nice to me, we played together and got along. The thing that I started noticing though was that if me and one of them arrived at school around the same time and out third friend wasn’t there yet we’d get along great, but as soon as that third friend arrived I’d get ditched in favour of them. And that would obviously hurt me. But we resolved it (not really) and things were going fine. But that experience stuck with me. It was my first taste of loneliness and abandonment (dramatic much?) and it made me doubt myself. I thought that maybe, just maybe, there was something about me that they didn’t like.

Now jump ahead about two years and I was alone Every. Single. Recess. (Oh shit it storming outside right now and some thunder sounded like a bomb) Obviously this only made me feel worse about myself. I just remember being so desperate for some sort of connection with someone. And I got one. I started talking to this person, I’ll call them Bird, and we got along great. Pretty soon Bird was my best and we spent a lot of our time together. I was still sort of friends with the two other people, at least during lessons, and sometimes during recess, but not that much otherwise.

Jump ahead a bit more, another year or so, and my class changed. At my school my class and another (same age as us) we’re combined into one. In this class that we were combined with there were a few new people, one of whom stuck out. Mostly because they didn’t like me, and they weren’t exactly discreet in letting me know. They never said so to my face, but they made it quite clear in how they acted towards me. This also made me feel bad. Is there really something so wrong with me that others couldn’t help but dislike me for it? Can I fix it? What do it that makes me different? (At the current point in my life I’m fairly certain I know what it is so yeah. Fun)

Now, I’d always cared a fair bit about school. I was taught that education was important, and if I was going to spend hours at school I might as well use that time for something, be it academically of socially. So when those around me started caring less about their education and more about things such as appearance and social hierarchy and relationships, I was confused. Why would they just not care? HOW could they just not care? Now, I’m not saying that any of the previous things are necessarily bad things to care about. In fact, ist great! Being invested in your social life and how others view you can be nurturing and make you feel fulfilled. But too much of anything can be bad. Letting yourself care about only those things can be harmful in more ways than one. I’ve never particularly cared about those things; I don’t like dressing up or making myself look good for others. I don’t value others validation of my appearance. What I didn’t notice was that as I believed these thoughts, I started eating less.

But things are still pretty chill. I still struggle with what’s wrong and what makes me different, but that’s fine. I’m pretty sure everyone goes through that at some point in our lives. But now I’m starting to find some answers. I don’t really care much for my appearance or style, I like academic things, I’m starting to fall behind in my social development, people are becoming more bold in stating their opinions, people are more hateful and spread misinformation etc etc (there’s a fucking mosquito who won’t leave me alone fuck off please). And at this point I’m more invested in the online world. But the international online world, not my national online world if that makes sense. English isn’t my first language but I learned it from the internet/YouTube and it’s basically my second language at this point. I learned English for English content creators, and I continued following them, not the ones relevant in my home/country. So I was and still am kind of out of the loop on current influencer events here in the North. This ties in with what I thought to be the answer to my questions: the LGBTQIA+ Community.

I started finding creators from the LGBT+ and I related to them and their stories. But I didn’t think I was one of them. People at school were not afraid to boldly proclaim that being LGBTQ+ was wrong and bad and strange. That there was something inherently rotten about such people. Now, did I agree with that? No. But I let it influence to the point were I thought that others being LBGTQ+ was fine, but me being that wasn’t. I wasn’t aloud to be one of them because there wasn’t supposed to be something wrong with me. But there was something, in the back of my mind, some part of me that knew. That knew who I am and that being me was fine. Too bad that voice wasn’t loud enough.

I still had Bird with me. Granted, they also had other friends, but they still stayed by my side. And they didn’t change like others did. My two first friends are people I also grew closer to at this time. I put our “situation” behind me and ignored it. It was a new chapter of my life, one where thing were changing in the right direction. Too bad I wasn’t too good at reading maps.

At this point I’m in sixth (6th) grade, the worst grade/period/time of my life thus far. After summer break people had changed a lot. Not just socially, but physically as well. We started to mature, we were lite tiny birds, looking out of the nest and thinking about how to take flight and reach above the branches of expectations and reach the clouds of ambition. But some of us didn’t. We didn’t want to start using our wings. At most we took a little peek out of our nest and divided that was enough for now. We began to grow frightened of others and their strange ideas of leaving what we knew was safe. I’m We for those wondering.

I started struggling with anxiety, I couldn’t stand in front of people without being scared and had a few panic attacks during presentations. People would look at me weirdly and I grew paranoid of what was wrong with me. At this point I started eating even less, resigning myself to one potion per meal, and no snacks, sometimes skipping lunch. Once again some of my friends that I had at this point started drifting away from me but now the rest, and I started trusting them even less. I can’t help but think that they’re only pitying me, that they’re going to leave and that they do thing behind my back. There was also someone else who had a big influence on me.

I, along with Bird started hanging around this person, we’ll call them Pen. They were sort of new, they’d always been in our class but had been living abroad for eight (8) months and had just come back. At first things were great. Bird, Pen and I were our own little trio of friends. But soon a change occurred. Pen started getting more clingy, staying uncomfortably close at times and never staying out of our personal space. Bird ended up taking the initiative with one of our other mutual friends and had long talk with Pen which sort of ended their friendship. At first they’d all handled it alone but then Pen involved their parents and thing went downhill. But I wasn’t part of it. Which made Pen hang on to me even more. I could never get away from them, it always felt like they were breathing down my neck. I didn’t tell them this though, they just lost two friends and they must be hurt from it, seeking comfort from someone they still considered a friend. I was uncomfortable, but I felt bad for them, so I continued being around them. Something my teachers had realized at this point was that I tend to take responsibility for other and their actions, and told me that I should try to relax and talk to them as I had seemingly started to become overwhelmed. But I don’t tell others my problems so I didn’t take their help. This kind of escalated a bit next grade.

Grade seven (7) was not my best year but also not my worst. I spent summer break reflecting and thinking, and started to value myself a bit more. I started hanging out with friends more often (usually Bird), and started unintentionally ignoring Pen. Though sometimes, I think it was intentional, as the very thought of Pen at this point made me anxious and uneasy. I thought I could simply let Pen hang around with me, and then let them get their own new friend group. I didn’t want them to only hang around me, it was honestly a bit scary how much I dreaded being around them. The feeling that something was off or wrong around them wouldn’t go away. They didn’t leave me though. No; I became their sole friend whom they refused to leave. In seventh (7th) grade our class was split, with me and Bird being in different classes. I had some friends in my new class though andere became a group. I thought I could nudge Pen to become part of this group. Except that Pen didn’t interact or contribute to the relationship. They weren’t social enough with the group to become part of it, standing in the group only to follow me. And my teachers noticed this and spoke to me. I told them how I was uncomfortable around Pen, and how I would like to not have to sit close to them next time we switched we seats (done every few weeks or so). Teachers agreed. But didn’t follow through. They sat me Right. Next. To. Pen. I confronted them about this. They lied to me. Their reasoning was that one of Pen’s parents had told the teachers how Pen only felt comfortable around me, and that they would like for us to be together at school as much as possible.

I was horrified at this - I couldn’t be held responsible for another students comfort, grades and social life! They basically put all the responsibilities of the teachers - making sure students felt comfortable, helping with schoolwork when needed, making sure the student had friends in the class - on me! I was basically supposed to play friend, teacher and class for Pen! I honestly couldn’t believe it, and told my friends. They told me they understood completely - they could see how emotionally and mentally exhausted I was from taking care of Pen, studying, after school activities and being around people that they were concerned about my well being. They, too, had tried to get Pen to become part of the group, but when only one person is taking care of the ship you can’t expect it to sail. They also felt uncomfortable around Pen. My anxiety only got worse because of this, and I started becoming paranoid that Pen was always watching me, either through my phone or my windows. I could not get myself to relax, not even when totally alone, something I’ve always enjoyed and felt comfortable with.

And at the end of grade seven (7), it happened. I found out that Pen was switching schools. I feel guilty admitting it, but I felt so relieved and free when I found out. Finally, I thought, finally I would get some privacy. All of my other friends are aware of my boundaries: don’t touch me unless I’m ready and aware of it, give me some space, don’t force me to talk when I’m anxious etc. They know, respect and treat me well, and in turn I treat them well and respect their boundaries, but Pen didn’t seem to understand that no, I don’t want you to stand so close to me that I can literally feel you body heat.

So grade eight (8) rolls around and I so does a certain unspecified virus. We therefore had to have school online. For me this was a blessing. I don’t enjoy being around people for too long and I don’t ever want to deal with my classmates bs. The teachers even commented on several occasions that I seemed much happier, which I was considering I didn’t have someone constantly breathing down my neck. And now I start to drift away from Bird. I always considered Bird my absolute closest friend. Almost like a sibling. And now we were drifting apart. We both started walking our own paths, still close together but different in so many ways. We’re still friends to this day, but I don’t think our friendship is going to last until we’re adults anymore. It’s sort of sad, but it is natural. We are both starting to forge our own paths in life, our own docks from which we will eventually set sail from to explore the limitless blue beyond that is life. And one day we might even meet again on some distant island, reconnecting and sharing stories of calm blue oceans to storming black waters. But that will happen with time. For now, I’m content finding materials for my dock with my group of friends, sharing ideas for designs and unfinished blueprints of a distant future. I’m content staring at that great far away horizon painted in the colors of pink, magenta and blue, watching the clouds of today’s events and feeling the winds of tomorrow’s surprises whilst thinking of what one day might be.

TL;DR: I rant about my life and somehow become a poet at the end.

End note - I still struggle with trust and anxiety. I don’t have problems with how my body looks anymore and I don’t confine myself to strict diets and eating schedules. Part of me feels guilty about my situation with Pen, and one part of me feels relieved and happy that I don’t have to deal with them anymore. I’m smart enough and self aware enough to realize my problems and their causes, and I have the tools to craft my solutions. I’m doing good, and know how to keep doing good, at least for a little while more.

[veliseraptor]

2020 Fanfiction Round-Up

I do one of these every year! And have since I think 2016. Can’t break a tradition even if it’s been a clusterfuck of a time and filling this out was in some ways an exercise in remembering the ways I have failed myself as a writer this year. 

But oh well!

Total Year-Long Wordcount: I’ll post the final final number tonight after I finish the writing I want to do this afternoon (and plan to do this afternoon), but it’s currently 451,803 words written this year. Guessing I’m going to land somewhere around 453,000ish. (AO3 claims a higher number than that but that’s because it is counting the entirety of fics where I posted chapters this year.

This year I wrote and posted: I wrote a fair number more than I posted (there are five fics finished but for various reasons unposted on my hard drive) but based on Tumblr I posted 78 posts in my fic tag, which, not including chapter specific updates and three sentence meme answers (but including at least two Tumblr-only longer fics), probably comes out to about 60 or so “full length” fics that saw the light of day in 2020.

Overall Thoughts

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? 

Well, I wrote more than I did last year, which is sort of a surprise to me (all things considered) but also maybe not, because I was doing a lot less of most other things that could’ve been occupying my time, including two hours daily of commuting. 

But still less than I did in 2018. Which is fine.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? 

Lord, I don’t know. It depends on when you ask me. Lately I’ve been in a bit of a “I hate everything I’ve written ever” state of mind, so that makes it sort of hard to do any kind of...reasonable assessment. 

I know I’m proud of With Absolute Splendor but I have all these reservations about it and I can’t reread it for the most part because I always notice new things I wish I’d done differently. I feel pretty good about efforts in a common cause but something about it still makes me cringe, which I suspect has to do with my general self-consciousness. I have a hard time feeling unreservedly proud about...anything I wrote this year, really. 

I feel like the closest I get is maybe nor autumn falter which I am pretty pleased with and also which does hurt me a lot personally. Or I did end up overall pretty pleased with what came out of By Proxy.

But also the more I look at this question the more I start hating all my own work, so...guess this is kind of coming at a bad time.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I mean, I started writing in my first non-English fandom in many years, and specifically one where I was trying to engage more with the cultural background of the setting (in a way I wasn’t with, say, Death Note, when I was writing Death Note fic). So that was a risk. And I learned that it’s very stressful and there’s so many ways to make mistakes and I am, in many ways, a coward. But also I think I’ve learned a fair amount thanks to a lot of very patient people on the internet, so...there’s that.

Otherwise...I mean, I got ambitious with a few projects this year (the Big Bang fic and With Absolute Splendor stand out), but I’m not sure how much I really tried new things. 

I feel like I had to fight myself a little on writing straight up bad sex for By Proxy - I planned on it being hot, and it really wasn’t. It was mostly just miserable. Which made for a better fic, but was a new experience for me as far as ‘I thought I was going to write porn and that isn’t what I wrote.’

From my past year of writing, what was….

My most popular story of this year: 

By far, With Absolute Splendor. In fact, it has now become my second most kudosed fic of all time, behind only fuckin Life in Reverse. So like. That’s a thing.

(It is still less than half as many as Life in Reverse, but for context Life in Reverse has been around for going on eight years.)

Most fun story to write: 

Most fics where I feel like “I’m having so much fun writing this!” also go through a “oh god I hate this it’s terrible” phase which makes this sort of hard to assess. But I did have overall a lot of fun writing Mutual Friends despite all my frustration with the canon-wrangling I had to do to make it work in my head. 

But also I feel like both Retributive Justice and Embedded were in different ways deeply iddy fics that were just fun to write. That actually goes for a lot of the Whumptober fics. That was a very self-indulgent month. Excited to do it again in February (hopefully, if I can write things in a timely manner at all).

Story with the single sexiest moment: 

I feel like the beauty of your repair might be my personal favorite smut I posted this year, but I think my personal favorite that I wrote is in the big bang fic nobody will see until January. 

I feel like most of the sexiest moments I’ve written this year are in the porn fics I’m going to start posting in January also. But just generally I feel like the beauty of your repair is the sexiest thing I wrote and posted.

Most “Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: 

I mean, I Come With Knives is definitely up there. It’s not that wrong or anything, but it got pretty intense in some ways I wasn’t expecting. Mostly in how much blood got involved, which was actually more than I’d had it involved in a sex thing before! Kind of surprises me that I haven’t previously done more with bloodplay stuff but. Well. First time for everything!

I don’t think this was a year that really had any “wow, what the fuck, Lise” things in it. Nothing on the level of last year’s winner. I’m almost disappointed in myself.

Abattoir was definitely the story that generated the weirdest conversation and creepiest search questions, though, so it does get points for that. 

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: 

I feel like the writing of everyone else is spring bound was a lot of...me thinking through my Jiang Cheng feelings and specifically my Jiang Cheng post-canon feelings. 

the martyr, the victim was pretty formative in shaping how I think about both Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji and their relationship with each other. It was the first fic I wrote that really dug into them in any way, I think, and definitely one that informed how I thought about writing Lan Xichen later.

Hardest story to write: 

I was thinking it was the one that I haven’t posted yet but I did technically finish, aka my Big Bang fic, the terrible threesome fic, the massive “I’m gonna keep everyone in the Yi City arc alive” AU that I started shortly after finishing The Untamed and finished in December. So I spent most of the year writing it.

But then I was like - no, I’m going to have to go with we live until we die even though it’s technically been ‘in progress’ for five years and really kicked into gear in 2019 and I just finished it and posted it this year, because that fic was like. The culmination of a big arc in an enormous verse dealing with a whole lot of balls in the air and trying to tie up a whole lot of threads. It was ambitious and the stakes were high and it was full of plot and action which are not two of my strengths...frankly I’m still amazed I pulled the damn thing off.

Biggest Disappointment: 

I think it is better if I refrain from going too in depth on this because it would just end up as me listing a bunch of my perceived failings. But I think off the top of my head I’m frustrated by the fact that I still haven’t really managed to write a XueXiao smut fic that quite hits the spot for me, myself. I’ve written two and for various reasons I don’t really like either of them. 

Biggest Surprise: 

The fact that my Jiang Cheng fic took off the way it did. Legitimately did not see that coming! At all! I mean, I’m delighted by it but it wasn’t what I saw happening as far as “niche I’d find in this fandom” or “thing I’d write that people would really enjoy reading.”

Particularly with By Proxy. That fic got a lot more attention than I would’ve expected. 

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: 

I feel like every fic I write with Xue Yang in it tells you something about me and most of those things are things that make me, on some level, deeply self-conscious, but I try not to think about that too much.  

I feel like the most telling story is maybe we all drift sometimes because I literally wrote it out of a depressive episode about a bad brain day but that wasn’t unintentional.

Favorite Opening Line(s):

1. So it turned out that if you touched the tendons of a dead person’s wrist and channeled a little bit of spiritual energy just right, it made the fingers twitch and curl like they were still alive. (Abattoir)

2. Here’s the thing: your Daozhang is glorious when he kills. (tear out all your tenderness)

3. Turned out that a sect leader’s head came off like anyone else’s. (Unnatural Selection)

4. The first hint that anything had gone awry was the letter from Lan Wangji (His Excellency Hanguang-jun, pardon me) that simply said have you heard from Wei Ying? (some good mistakes)

5. What Jiang Cheng wanted to do, more than anything, was to go home and take a nap. (everyone else is spring bound)

Favorite Line(s) from Anywhere:

I usually keep this to 10 but because I’ve been in such a :| place about my own writing I indulged myself this once.

1. Sometimes it felt like all he had done since descending the mountain was shatter his own dreams and accumulate regrets. (nor autumn falter)

**

2. It felt like she was holding all the components of a bomb in her hands, half assembled. If she moved the right way they would stay just that: components. But if she moved the wrong way… (til my judgment day)

**

3. He should have killed him. Should have been the one to strike that blow, in revenge for Jin Zixuan and their sister and everyone else dead for Wei Wuxian’s pride. Maybe then there would not be this gnawing, aching thing embedded in his chest; this itching, unfinished feeling. Maybe then he would not feel torn in two, sometimes like he should have reached out with his other hand and sometimes like he should have struck truer and sometimes both, in the same moment. (Interstitial)

**

4. He owed Wei Wuxian more than he could ever give back in this lifetime. Forgiving him felt like betraying his sister’s memory. Not forgiving him felt like trying to walk with a thorn in his foot. He was just - stuck, caught like a demon in a spiritual net.

Jiang Cheng thought of the way Wei Wuxian looked at Lan Wangji, with warmth and trust and love, and the aching, sick jealousy he had no right to feel returned. He felt a little like a child watching someone pick up a toy he’d abandoned and suddenly realizing that he wanted it back. (everyone else is spring bound)

**

5. You close your eyes and think about how he looked back in that town, Shuanghua slicing clean through a man’s neck, opening it to the spine, and think dizzily that he could open you like that and it’d be good, as long as it lasted. (tear out all your tenderness)

**

6. When Wangji loved, he loved with his whole being, without reserve. And now he had been placed between the rock of his convictions and the hard place of his devotion to Wei Wuxian. (the martyr, the victim)

**

7. He spent a week turning the idea over in his head. Studying it like a corpse he was going to dissect, poking at it, cutting it open and examining its insides. (dead reckoning)

**

8. When the world hurt you, that was the only thing to do, after all. Hurt it back, harder, worse. Spill rivers of blood for every drop it squeezed from you.

And when the end came, never go quietly. (the blood in your mouth)

**

9. I would stand with you through the end of the world, said Loki’s voice in his head, and Steve’s heart wasn’t in his chest anymore, was somewhere off on another planet where Loki was lying dead in a ruined city. (we live until we die)

**

10. Was it always going to be like this? Stumbling into traps, tripping over familiar skeletons, slicing himself open on the edges of old hurts. Was there really such a thing as leaving the past behind? He still felt stuck in it, unable to move, and every time he thought he might be finally dragging himself free something pulled him back. (With Absolute Splendor)

**

11. His chest was full of poison. His throat was full of grief. And he was still a little drunk.

Jiang Cheng went to his room, sat down on his bed, put his face in his hands, and cried until he couldn’t breathe. (By Proxy)

Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:

I think the scene from nor autumn falter of Xiao Xingchen just crying his heart out over Xue Yang’s dead body would be up there.

The Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian hug from the end of With Absolute Splendor.

Okay, just gonna say it: Xue Yang and Jin Guangyao having sex by the table with Nie Mingjue’s headless corpse on it. So sue me.

The scene in the blood in your mouth where Song Lan has stabbed Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen is following the line of Fuxue to the latter. I have a very clear visual of it in my head and if I could art I’d art it.

Xue Yang with the hallucinatory Xiao Xingchen from liberate spirits, liberate souls.

Fic-writing goals for 2021:

Finish Walking Far From Home.

Maybe I’ll finish some of these MCU WIPs? I’d kind of like to, on an abstract level if nothing else.

Become a more well-adjusted human being about the relationship between my productivity and my self-worth.

[littledraga]

Messenger Roomba

It had been a quiet day at the manor, for once. Something everyone had been trying to make the most of it. Especially The Spine, as he sat in his room, pouring over a new song. Lyrics had been bouncing around in his head for a while now. He just had to make them make sense.

While he was working away, scribbling in a notepad, a Roomba slipped into his room. Without doors, it wasn’t uncommon, and he hardly gave them a thought. At least until they bumped into his leg and beeped.

He glanced down and raised an eyebrow. There was a piece of paper stuck to their head.

Strange, he thought as he picked up the folded paper to read what was inside. Likely someone had just missed a trash can, but it wouldn’t hurt to look.

Hastily scribbled on one side in glittering ink, it simply read: ‘Hi Spine!’ and was signed with a large R.

Spine sighed and gently pinched the bridge of his nose. Really? He thought to himself. Sitting up a little, he pinged Rabbit over the wifi. “You can just ping me if you want to talk, Rabbit. You know that.”

Nothing.

Another sigh and he put the paper down on the desk. Rabbit and her weird ideas. There were easier ways to talk if she had something to say. It wasn’t like their rooms were that far apart either if she really needed him.

Intent on throwing away the note and getting back to work, Spine noticed the Roomba still sitting there, waiting.

“Oh, fine! But only because it’s you,” he told them as he turned the paper over. In a neat manuscript, he wrote back: ‘Hello, Rabbit.’ And signed it with an S. Putting it back on the Roomba, he smiled at their excited beep as they zoomed away.

A messenger Roomba, not the weirdest thing in the manor. Not even the oddest Roomba. Rollie had finally learned to roll without their training wheels. It was a proud moment for Spine. If this one wanted to pass along notes, he supposed it didn’t really hurt.

Hopefully, that would keep Rabbit busy for a while, and he could get back to work. He wanted to, at least, get the idea written out before turning in for the night.

He at least had a few moments of peace before Roomba came rolling in again and beeping to get his attention. Another note was placed carefully on their top. Picking it up, he opened it up to read it.

‘Whatcha doin’?’ was scribbled on it with the same glittering ink. He didn’t have any expectations that it would be important if she was sending notes via Roomba, but she could have at least put some effort into it, honestly!

All the same, he turned it over again. ‘I’m working on a new song.’ Maybe that would give him some peace.

That was a short lived hope as another note came in shortly after. This was probably the worst way they could be communicating right now. But he humoured her and read the next note.

‘Me too! I’m stuck on the chorus. How many ‘La’s are too many?’

He groaned and put his head in his hand. If she wanted to talk about music like this, they’d be there all night. It wasn’t worth the effort. Instead of answering, he wrote back. ‘Rabbit, this conversation would go a lot faster if you just pinged me over the wifi.’

Less time between visits this time. Rabbit had sent her lyrics over with a few question marks on top.

This was easier at least. Relenting, he went over her song, jotting down notes in the margins, and corrected some spelling mistakes. Honestly, for a bot with built in internet access, why did she misspell so many words? Once he thought he had caught everything he could mention or help with, he sent it back with the Roomba who beeped happily along.

He at least got more time to work on his own song while she read through his notes. It was good to know she at least took his advice seriously, even if she rarely took him seriously any other time.

A simple ‘Thanks’ and a doodle of Rabbit giving a peace sign was all she sent.

He supposed it was polite to thank him, but, ‘Rabbit, the Roombas have work to do.’ He tried to remind her as he sent the Roomba off to, hopefully, get some work of their own done. And maybe, just maybe, he could finish his too.

Or she would just ignore when he reminded her of things she didn’t want to do. But this time, it was a bit longer.

'Isn’t this neat! It’s like sending secret messages! Like before everyone else got on wifi!’

Ah. Now he understood where these notes were coming from.

There had been a time when they were the only ones that could connect wirelessly, at least within the manor walls. Rabbit must have missed it. Now that Spine was thinking about it, he did too. They had told each other jokes and comforted each other when they couldn’t speak.

Sometimes it made the lonely nights in the labs easier. When they were too far away to talk with each other, or when they were too nervous to power down. They could at least talk and feel like they were still in the same room. It reminded him that he wasn’t really ever alone, even if they couldn’t be together.

Now with cellphones and tablets, everyone was buzzing around. A constant drone they had to block out to get some peace. They didn’t talk as freely as they used to.

Grinning a bit to himself, he wrote back. Opting to be just a little cheeky, he didn’t have to be serious all the time. ‘Just be careful they aren’t intercepted.’

Work all but forgotten, he waited for the next note to come.

He didn’t have to wait long.

‘Nah! This one is faster than GG, I checked.’ Along with the note, Rabbit had doodled GG sitting down and pouting.

The Spine couldn’t help but laugh, hard, when he saw it. GG must have been upset to lose. And likely hated that she wasn’t in the know.

‘Good! Then maybe we can get some peace for once.’

‘So! What song are you working on Spine-o!’

Right, he had been working. Looking the paper over, he hummed softly. He could explain it to her. Or he could just send it to her with the help of the Roomba.

Beeping happily, they scooted off down the hall and to his sister’s room. In the distance, he could hear GG yell for them to come to her. He laughed.

When he got his notepad back, it was covered in little hearts in different colours.

He smiled as he looked it over and sat it back down. Along with his music, there was another note.

‘Did you get dumped again?’

Steam rushed through his vents as he heated up. ‘No!’ He hastily scribbled back and sent it back. He hadn’t had a date to get dumped by, but that was hardly the point. Rude!

He was still pouting when the Roomba came back again.

‘We’ve got a real nice blender that just came in the other day, I could introduce you.’

Chuckling, he shook his head while he put the note on his desk to respond.

‘No thanks, Rabbit. We don’t have the same tastes in appliances.’ Still chuckling to himself, he sent the Roomba off. They spent the rest of the evening talking before he gave up on his song and laid down for the night. It was nice to just talk for a while.

In the middle of the night, the Roomba rolled in again, gently bumping into his bed frame.

Groaning softly, Spine rubbed his face before blindly reaching for the Roomba and the note. He didn’t mind the notes, but they needed time to recharge and rest. If it was an early morning pun, he was going to ignore her.

It wasn’t a pun. There were no words at all, just a poor doodle of a sad face. It took his brain a moment to warm up enough to understand what that meant.

It was a bad night again. She hadn’t had one of those in ages. Or maybe, it had just been ages since she had let anyone know. That was concerning, she should know she could always come to him if something was wrong. Rabbit may have been the oldest, but he was the support of the manor.

Sitting up, he tried to wake up enough to go check on her. Only, she hadn’t come when she knew she could. He tried to ping her over the wifi, only to be greeted with silence. So, that’s how it was.

Padding over to his desk, he turned on the desk lamp and pulled out a piece of paper. ‘It’s all right, Rabbit. I’m here whenever you need me,’ he reminded her and sent the note off.

He leaned back in his chair while he waited. Time seemed to drag on forever while he sat there, minutes ticking by too slowly for his liking.

Eventually, the Roomba did wheel their way back to him. He hardly waited for them to stop before grabbing the note.

‘I know. It’s just hard talkin’ about it. Ya know?’

He smiled softly. Yeah, he understood that just fine. If she didn’t want to talk about it, that was just fine.

‘It’s okay, you don’t have to.’ Spine couldn’t draw like his sister, but he doodled a little guitar with musical notes floating around it.

On the really bad nights, they sang together or made up silly stories to distract each other from what was bothering them. It wasn’t the same as connecting to each other, but they talked through the night, changing lyrics in songs to be silly and making jokes until light started to filter into The Spine’s window. He hadn’t even noticed how late it was.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘A lot better, thanks.’

It was a relief. Spine knew he couldn’t make everything go away. Things were never that simple, even when your brain’s composed of wires.

‘I’m glad.’ He doodled his own face with a thumbs up. Or well, as close as he could manage on his own.

When there came no reply, he worried a little. She probably just fell asleep, likely had none at all.

Putting away his pen, Spine looked to his bed. There was time to get some more sleep, at least, but he thought better of it. It wasn’t like he needed a full night's sleep. He wasn’t human after all.

Putting on a fresh suit, he was adjusting his fedora when the Roomba finally came back. Kneeling down, he gave them a pat. “Thanks for all the help, buddy. I really appreciate it.”

Instead of a note, it was a picture. The two of them were sitting at the duck pond and laughing. He could get a hint.

Getting a fresh piece of paper, he carefully sat the picture on his desk to keep.

‘I’ll see you soon, Rabbit. Don’t forget the feed, you remember last time, don’t you?’

Having a messenger Roomba was nice, but nothing beat talking face to face.

[stinkrascal]

even for ur damn self as an adult, being friends with minors isn't worth it?? u have no idea if u are causing them damage simply by existing bc they have u on a pedestal or look up to u in ways that u can't live up to AND u could very easily just say the wrong thing and basically destroy them, like small disagreements or criticisms can be devastating if ur someone they look up to AND being treated as some kind of mother/sister is exhausting and taxing. there are literally no benefits.

i think what people need to understand is that, no matter how pure your intentions are to befriend a minor as an adult, there’s INHERENTLY a power imbalance between you two. no, i’m not saying to cease all communications with every minor ever - obviously, i’m still gonna talk to my cousin who’s 12, despite the fact that i am 21. and of course, i’m still gonna answer the asks someone sends me, even if that person is a minor and, as i said, i’m an adult. there’s nothing wrong with interacting with children. but why the hell would you, as a grown ass adult, ever want to befriend someone who’s a minor and risk breeching that boundary that’s in place? and why would you want to freely create a space where adults befriending minors is a normalized thing? y’all would find it weird as FUCK if an adult in their 20′s tried befriending a 16 year old irl, but nobody bats an eye when it’s online, even though the sad thing is, i’d argue it’s much easier for children to fall victim to grooming online because of how accessible it is, and because of how normalized adult/minor friendships online have become. and hey, even if you personally don’t have those intentions, that doesn’t mean that others don’t. for instance, i’ve seen discord servers with 200+ members in them, adults and minors alike. 200 strangers on the internet. you don’t think one of those adults has bad intentions? you don’t think some sick fuck on the internet isn’t gonna see that as an opportunity? even if you don’t have the intention of grooming a child, even if your intentions are pure, how the fuck can you know if everyone else’s are? why would you even wanna risk it? like, when i made my discord servers way back when (which were all 18+ btw), i sure as hell didn’t know every person that joined. i probably only hit about 60 members, but even that was a lot for me to keep up with. i couldn’t monitor everything that happened in there, and i surely couldn’t monitor the way in which people were behaving outside of my server. imagine having a server with almost twice that number, filled with adults and minors alike - how do you monitor a space like that? how do you ensure that those children are safe to talk to adult strangers in this space you’ve created? because, to me, the easiest answer is this: you don’t allow children in those spaces. you allow children the opportunity to make their own spaces.

so, at the end of the day, i really don’t care how pure your intentions are. i don’t care if you’re One Of The Good Ones. if you’re exposing children to spaces where there is the potential for harm, and if you’re normalizing children befriending someone five, six, seven years their elder, you’re suspicious as fuck, and i don’t trust you.

[almndjin]

Black Water Lillies | 1/5

●   summary: It was normal for you to chase down a suspect on the night of a stakeout but when you get thrown (quite literally) into something supernatural, you might need a little supernatural partner to help you finish the job.

 or; wherein you and Yoongi team up to catch the bad guy.

●   pairing: witch!yoongi x detective!reader | ft. Namjoon and Hoseok

●   genre: witch au, supernatural au, magic, mystery, fluff

●   rating: SFW

●   warnings: swearing, reader gets thrown into the ocean, mention of human sacrifice

●   word count: 5.6k

●   author’s note: I was listening to AURORA’s Black Water Lillies when I came up with this story. I am 100% sure there are multiple wrong descriptions about the reader’s and Namjoon’s professions. My knowledge can only go as far a watching some TV shows (I dunno if that makes sense). Feedback is always welcome!

The day started pretty normal. 

When you arrive at the station your desk is already full of paperwork waiting for you to finish them. You grumbled at the sight and found yourself heading towards the break room for a cup of coffee to fuel yourself for the boring day ahead. 

The weather didn’t help either. The gloomy cloud looming over the city didn’t motivate you to even get out of bed for work. You just wanted to stay inside the safety of your warm blanket and forget the world, but you have got bills to pay and food to eat for survival. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have expected your day to go as normally as possible because once evening came and you were called for a stakeout, you weren’t prepared on how your day, your life, would shift. 

“He’s heading towards the back alley!” Your partner yelled on the radio, almost making you yank the earpiece off of your ear at how loud his voice had suddenly gotten, “He’s armed!”

Your legs moved quickly, mind catching up a bit later. You're more of a do now think later kind of person anyway, and you were sure that it would get you killed one of these days. 

You caught sight of the suspect, running a few meters ahead of you. Legs straining, you try your best to catch up. You caught a glimpse of his hands and noticed it was occupied by something. He was surely armed but that didn’t stop you from pursuing him. It has taken you months to get a lead on your suspect, and there is no way you would let him get away. 

“Damn! I don’t get paid enough for this!” You huffed as you round a sharp corner of the narrow alleyway. 

It was getting darker now, and a few drops of rain started pouring lightly. You curse at the dew drops pelting your way as your breath becomes haggard. 

“Y/N stop! Backup is on the way, they’ll cut him off at the next street!”

“He’ll get away!” You argued as you watched the suspect turn his head to see if you were still running after him. 

You can catch him.

At least that’s what you told yourself. 

“Stop!”, You screeched at him as if he would listen to you. 

He raised his arm and you knew instantly that you would have to dodge the bullet he would send your way. You didn’t hear the familiar ringing sound of a gunshot but instead you heard a loud crackle that sounded like lightning. The small explosion missed you just by a few inches, and only made you stop for a few seconds. You recovered quickly, to which the attacker was surprised.

You didn’t have time to think about what weapon he just fired at you. Blinded by your goal of finally catching him, you surged forward. 

You were nearing the port. The smell of the sea fills your nose, and the air becomes thicker as the rain pours. The sky was becoming darker now as the evening approached. 

You were becoming tired as you ran to where he was headed. You knew that you would get the upper hand, you can clearly catch him. 

As you neared the ocean, his movements slowed and he turned to watch you. You didn’t stop your fast approach, and you were about to tackle him into the ground. 

You knew you had made a mistake when you saw the smirk stretching on his lips. It was too late for you once you realized.

Once your body collided with his, he quickly grabbed your shoulder, avoiding your body weight with one hand. Then, there was a flash of light. 

You closed your eyes, the light too bright for you. There was pain where he touched you, and you suddenly feel fatigued. Your body sways away from him and the feeling of falling is what you remember. You were sure the asphalt ground would be your landing but that wasn’t the case. 

You heard it before you felt it. A loud clap followed by the sound of a body hitting the sea. Your body. 

You tasted the salty water as it filled your mouth, your whole being panicking. You look around for the suspect, but he was nowhere to be found.

What boggled your mind was the fact that you were deep into the ocean. Not only that, but you were also surrounded by what seemed like seaweeds. No, not seaweeds. 

Flowers.

You grabbed some in your hand before you swam up towards the surface, ignoring the pain in your shoulder. 

You gasped for air, the taste of oxygen satisfying after being in the water for so long.

Your mind can’t comprehend what just happened and before you could, your name was already being called, stealing your attention. 

“Y/N!” You hear Namjoon’s voice from above you instead of the earpiece that you were sure was already broken. 

Great, another cut from your paycheck. 

You look up at the boat where Namjoon stands. His face was ridden with exhaustion, but most of all relief. 

A towel was wrapped around your shoulders as Namjoon handed you something warm to drink. He sat down beside you, confusion written all over his face. He was probably wondering how you ended up in the water, and frankly to say you were in the same dilemma as he is. 

How did you end up in the water and how long have you been here?

Namjoon answered your last internal question, “We lost contact with you 3 hours ago and I-”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence as you choked on your drink at the revelation. 

3 fucking hours? What the fuck?

His large hand pats your back gently, his eyes wide and frantic as he asks if you’re okay. You gave him a nod, unable to speak due to the fact that you almost drowned and choked to death. 

You were sure you lost contact as soon as you were transported at the sea but it didn't feel like 3 hours. 

“I guess my radio broke when I was still chasing him.” A sorry excuse but what else can you tell him. You hoped that he wouldn’t ask more questions, not when you hadn’t come up with something logical just yet. 

You aren’t even sure what happened yourself and there is now way it would remain that way. You have to find out eventually. 

Inside the plastic ziplock were the flowers you found. 

They were water lilies, its petals so dark as if it was fed with nothing but jet black ink.  

As far as your knowledge goes, there is no such thing. You even searched the internet for water lilies growing in the ocean, and water lilies that possessed the color black. 

Water lilies don’t belong in the ocean, and there is no such thing as black water lilies. Yet here it is inside a bag. Just looking at it filled your chest with dread and fear, reminding you of what had occurred last night. 

After being pulled out of the water, Namjoon questioned you endlessly and you dismissed him quickly. You don’t want to sound crazy in front of your superior, so you simply told him that you lost the suspect around the pier and you fell. 

You hid the lily inside your coat pocket. You thought that showing Namjoon would certainly be a bad idea. You would tell him the truth once you figured out what exactly happened and you had to figure it out alone. You just need to figure out something that would make you seem less crazy when you finally decide to tell him.

When you arrived at the station, you knew everyone was informed about what happened and before you knew it all your hard work would be given to someone else. 

“Hey.” Namjoon’s soft voice broke you out of your reverie. You didn’t realize you had zoned out, staring thoughtlessly at the board in front of you. You’ve been doing nothing but zone out as soon as you left the Captain’s office. 

“They are transferring the case-” 

You cut him off with your palm towards him and stared at the ground. You can’t bear to look at Namjoon’s sorry face. He knew how long you have been working on this case, hoping to get a lead on the suspect and when you did you let him out of your sight. 

You heard the news loud and clear. The case is out of your hands after your failed attempt of catching the suspect.

What hurts the most was the fact that you worked endlessly for months. You were finally getting more clues and bizarre evidence as to why the killings had happened.

Human sacrifices, you told them but now you know it was more than a sick cult that murdered those three girls and there is more to it than a sick mind that could lead to those deaths. 

Something more out of this world and if the sea and the lilies incident isn’t an obvious slap to the face that you’re dealing with something else then you don’t know what is.

“Y/N.” 

Namjoon was worried about you. You can tell by the way he had been talking to you and you were thankful for it. Thankful for him. 

If it weren’t for his help and support regarding the case, you wouldn’t have reached this far. Though he was opposed to some of your decisions, Namjoon was still supportive but that didn’t mean he would let this die down with an ‘I told you so’. 

“It’s okay, Namjoon.” You sighed, “I already got an earful from the captain, I can take it.” 

“I’m not here to say I told you so, I’m here to see if you're faring well.”

“I am.” You gave him a tight lipped smile, “Faring well, that is.” 

Namjoon rolled his eyes and snorted, “Then drink with me and forget about the case.” 

You perked up at his offer, not passing up the opportunity to get free food from him. You needed a light distraction from all this. 

“Only if we get the fried chicken that I like.”

“Anything for your crushed spirit.” He starts packing up. 

You threw a crumpled paper at him, ignoring the sudden pain on your shoulder. 

“I’m serious though,” Namjoon says suddenly as soon as you both exit the station, “This case. We need to let it go.” 

He looks at you, a pleading look in his eyes that you rarely see. Namjoon wasn’t one to speak about your habit of getting attached to your cases, hell he’d even praise you for it. 

Shooting him a confused look, you say, “Why? You think we can’t handle it.” 

You bump your shoulder towards him, his lips twitching into a smile before he clears his throat as both of you start walking. 

“Y/N. Promise me you won’t go behind our backs to solve this one like you always do.” He sighs, “And yes, I think we can’t handle this one. Let the others risk their lives for once.”

You hated this. You always hated lying to your friend. Especially when his eyes shine with nothing but worry for your life, something you never did yourself.

 “I promise.” 

Sleep was out of the question. 

Just because the case was not your concern anymore doesn’t mean you would let it go that easily. Investigating behind the division’s back was nothing new to you. Hell, you’d solved more cases going rogue than having the permission to do so. You only felt bad because you had lied to Namjoon but even he knows you won’t be able to let this go. 

After the bizarre way the suspect had escaped and you ending up in the sea, you became more thirsty for answers now more than ever.

You waited out the rain before grabbing the lilies from the table, along with your car keys and wallet. 

The certainty of finding answers was close to impossible. Impossible was what happened to you that day, so you need to start somewhere. 

You arrived back at the place where you chased down the mysterious suspect. That was when the nerves decided to kick in. You wanted to go back home as fear settled in your bones. To just turn away and forget what happened. To forget the case like what Namjoon had suggested. 

You didn’t know why you were apprehensive now. Why you decided to feel afraid now is annoying the hell out of you. How would you be able to think straight if you were being such a coward?

The loud humming of the car engine died down, leaving you in silence. 

“Wait. What the fuck?” You muttered, horrified. 

That was the first of many signs that says you had just made yet another dumb decision. 

With a twist of your key, you tried turning on your car and you already decided that if it turns on, you would go straight back home. The car made the decision for you when it refused to roar back to life. Maybe it is just old, you told yourself. 

Namjoon did say it was a piece of junk but what the hell did he know about cars when he doesn’t even drive. He’s not wrong though, it is quite old. 

Yeah, maybe that’s it. This is not some dreadful sign that you were about to die. Your car is just old.

Since your car refused to start, you might as well continue your investigation. 

There was something eerie about the way the street lamps illuminate the pavements. The orange light reflects your surroundings giving it a hellish impression. It is quiet, just the sound of the sea in the distance giving you something to hold on to.

At least the area didn't sound as dead as it looked like, you tried to reassure yourself.

You slammed the door shut, loudly, just because you wanted some noise to fill your ears. You hated the silence engulfing you, you hated how it made your heartbeat seem loud in your ears.

You had expected the streets to be empty, it was late into the night and it had just rained but you have never expected it to feel empty. You have been into situations like these and not one of those late night investigations ever felt ominous. 

Taking deep breaths, you retrace your steps and begin. 

You went back to the place where you were positioned before Namjoon informed you that the suspect was coming your way. Clearly you need to start somewhere. 

There was nothing out of place, it looked like the usual back alleyway; narrow and unkempt. The fact that you ran and chased the suspect using this unkempt path was uncanny. Adrenaline makes you blind once you zeroed on your target, too bad the target escaped you. 

There was nothing out of the ordinary and that should’ve put you at ease but it didn’t. Normally, you would brush aside the normality of the situation but because of what happened to you everything seemed wrong. 

Once you reached the spot where the suspects stood, you now realized that at that moment he was waiting for you to attack him. He stood still and waited for you to tackle him. He had calculated your next move and did something to you. 

You approached it slowly, heart thumping loudly. With a quick turn of your head, you noticed a pier. The pier that you used for your excuse on how you ended up on the water. 

It was far from where you are now, where you both really  confronted each other. 

How the hell did he do that?

“What are you?”, you whispered into the air, mortified. It is as if he transported you far away from him and escaped. The sudden sting in your shoulder reminded you that he left without hurting you first. 

Just what did he do to you? 

You remembered how you examined your shoulder quickly once you got inside a bathroom. There were no marks and it looked normal but it didn’t calm the brewing anxiety inside you. 

You spot the pier again as if it was calling out to you. Maybe it did, seeing as you were getting nowhere. Deciding that it would be best to get this over with, the pier being the last destination for tonight, you head towards it next. 

The sea welcomed you with it’s salty air; at night it looked like a dark abyss waiting to swallow you whole. The waves and the wind was a comforting sound after being in the quiet street for so long. 

The sound of your boots hitting the wooden deck accompanied you towards the end of the pier. You didn’t notice that you stopped feeling afraid all throughout the night once you felt fear again as you reached the end of the pier.

It was as if someone had set their eyes on you and the thought of it made you shiver. 

With a quick turn you try to spot if someone was really watching you. It was quite odd that someone was on your tail because you saw not one single soul in the area. That thought alone should’ve made you run or call for help. 

You turn your back once again and face the dark sea. Namjoon must’ve thought you were crazy; swimming about and looking confused as hell but all you heard from your friend were concerned words. Namjoon doesn't like prying, he takes what he tells you even if it bothers him internally, and you thanked him for it. 

With the thoughts of your fellow detective, you even considered telling him about it just so it could ease his mind but you know deep inside you can’t. Not when you have no idea what was really happening. 

You sighed and reached inside your pocket and felt the plastic containing the black water lilies you found floating around you when you were under the water. 

It was still there, the proof that you were not hallucinating. All the teleporting into the sea was real. It is what anchors you to the new reality you have seen. 

“Black water lilies.” 

An unfamiliar voice disturbed the calming sound of the sea. 

It was as if a cold knife had stabbed you in the back and it  ran it all the way up your spine. You jumped at the voice, turning around quickly at the source. 

You were faced with a man, three steps away from you. Maybe having your back at the ocean isn’t such a good idea as soon as you realized that this man can push you anytime. 

He was close enough for you to memorize his features, just in case he decided to boot it and he was connected to the suspect after all. Why else would he be here?

He was small in frame, you can tell even from the large, dark coat he was sporting. He had dark hair in contrast to the paleness of his skin. His hands were in his pockets and it terrifies you that he might pull a gun and just shoot you out of nowhere. 

His doll-like lips moved once again and you were dumbly just staring at him, not even hearing what he just said. You were awfully distracted by how good he looks which was dumb for you to even consider regarding the situation you were in. You were dumber than you thought you were, how the hell did you graduate from the academy?

His sharp eyes leered at you, obviously annoyed by the lack of response he was getting. 

You shook your distracted thoughts away and focused. This man could kill you damn it. 

You hid the lilies behind your back as if you were a child who doesn't want to share their goodies. 

“Sorry?” You asked him, hoping he’d have the patience for your slow dumb ass. 

“I said,” He took a breath and closed his eyes for a bit,  “How did you get your hands on that?”

“On what?” Maybe you could play dumb seeing as you were already good at it. 

He took a step and you almost took a step back. If it weren’t from the chain link fence stopping you or else you would have taken a dive into the ocean once again. 

The hand inside his pocket moved when you did, as if he was reaching out for you. Afraid that you would fall. You were sure he wasn’t concerned for your well being, he just wanted answers. Or maybe he’d just shoot you. 

Damn it, you didn't have anything to defend yourself with. 

“You’re dumber than you look don’t you.” He looked at you up and down, sizing you up,  “Well, I should’ve expected that.”

“Look,” You said, your eyebrow twitching by his choice of words, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

He groaned, “The black water lilies you’re hiding. How did you get it? I’m not fucking dumb, I saw you holding it out for everyone to see.” 

His deep voice was rising, you expected him to shout at you but he remained calm. You can see from his expression that his patience was wearing thin. 

You wanted answers from him as well but he just got the upper hand now. There is no way you could outmatch the intimidating aura that he has plus you were cornered. So you have no choice but to compromise. 

You bring the lilies in front of you and you notice him wanting to get closer, wanting to reach for it. You stared at him, watchful of his movements and his reactions. Whoever this man is, he is connected to the suspect, the killings, and to what happened to you. 

“I found it here.” With your free hand you pointed at the black abyss that is the ocean. 

His face darkened and it worried you what the expression meant. You observed the distance between you two, he was closer than he was earlier. If he is like the suspect as you have concluded then he is someone capable of something dangerous. 

He talked about the flowers as if they were a natural thing to exist, like a person pointing out roses rather than non-existent flowers which were now on your grasp. 

“Give it to me.” 

Okay, now you can’t agree to that. The lilies are the only clue that you have regarding the mysterious suspect and the dark, bizarre killings. There is no way you would just hand it over to someone that might have something to do with all this. 

There is a thought in your mind that is trying to argue that your life is worth more than solving this case. Namjoon’s voice echoing inside your head. 

You looked down at the black water lilies then back at the stranger. He raised his eyebrows and stretched his arm, palms up as if he’d expect you to hand it over. 

“What if I don’t want to?” You challenged him, trying your best to sound brave, “What are you going to do?”

His dark eyes glimmered and your breath stopped short at the action. Eyes just don’t glimmer literally. 

His reaching arm retreated, eyebrow raised as if he found your words amusing. 

“You don’t want to find out.”

You gulped as he approached you, growing close for comfort. You could almost smell him and you don’t want to admit it but he did smell nice as he looked. Your eyes never strayed away from his sharp ones despite the fear blooming in your chest. 

“You’re a stubborn one.” He mumbled, looking straight into you then down at your hands where the plastic bags are held tightly. You can feel the warmth radiating off of him and you sure felt it when he touched your hands. 

You didn’t know you were shaking until you felt him try to make you relax. Just what is he doing to you?

You tried to get yourself together but as if you were in a trance, you reached inside the bag and gave him the lilies.

He smirked, “That wasn’t so hard was it?” 

Before you could even say something as you felt the spell wear off, you noticed how he quickly glanced behind you, panic quickly replacing the smug look on his face. He said something that sounded like a warning but it was too late. 

You felt yourself fall backward and you soon realized the sea had pulled you in once again. 

There was a tight grip on your bicep and a flash of light before you closed your eyes and waited for the impact. The difference between the previous fall was the lack of pain on your shoulder and this time you weren’t alone when you hit the water. 

You notice there is a lack of black water lilies surrounding you except the one you gave to the stranger.You were about to reach for it but just when you were about to, it had vanished right in front of your eyes and then you felt an arm around your waist and you were being pulled up. 

“It’s gone!” You gasped before having a coughing fit, trying to pry away the hands on your waist that are keeping you up. 

“We can’t get them back the sea is too dark-”

“No, it disappeared.” You cried, “It vanished right in front of me.”

The stranger who had a tight grip on you gave you an incredulous stare.

“How the fuck can you even see underwater?” He spat, “I didn’t see shit disappearing in front of me.”

You were breathing heavily, “It was the only evidence I have from the psycho maniac who fucking teleported me here!” 

You ignored what he was implying, that you were unbelievably crazy for seeing in the dark.

“No it wasn’t. You have me.” The stranger stated calmly after your rant. He was too close, closer than the distance back at the pier when he made you give up the lilies. With that thought, you tried to push him away, afraid of what he can do. 

You stared at him bewilderedly, “What the hell do you even mean by that?!” 

“Calm down, I'm not like them.” He tried to hold on to you tight enough so that you wouldn’t be able to escape his arms. “Sort of.”

Not like them? Wait, you didn’t even mention anything. 

“You’re scared.”

“Of course I am! One minute I’m trying to do my job, trying to catch the suspect and then I’m fucking transported to the sea surrounded by black water lilies which is fucking impossible and now a stranger shows up and -”

“You don’t have to be scared of me, I won’t hurt you.” He cut you off and you were glad by his interruption. One more word and you would’ve burst into tears. 

You swallowed the lump that was forming when you were trying your best not to cry. Somehow, deep inside you, you trust him. If he wanted you dead, he would’ve done so once he got what he wanted but instead he tried to save you from falling which resulted into him being thrown into the water with you. 

No, no. You still have to be careful.

You remained quiet, still looking at him as he searched your eyes. He seemed to do that a lot so now you were deathly aware and terrified if he could hear your thoughts. 

“How do I know if I could trust you?” You mumbled, looking down and away from his eyes. You were still too close to him and you were still floating in the sea near the pier. It might’ve seem stupid that you would consider trusting him but he’s the only one who could answer your questions and that could help you solve this case. 

“For starters, I would introduce myself but we’re still floating in the sea and I would very much like to get out.” 

Swimming towards the shore had taken most of your energy and you would’ve collapsed against the sand if not for the stranger accompanying you. He still didn’t tell you his name and you didn’t tell him yours. You wanted to know his first and besides, he is the one asking for your trust. 

Once you reach the shore, you wring your clothes and hair to at least remove some water off of you. You looked at the stranger and you found him doing the same. 

All you could hear between you were your ragged breaths and the waves of the sea meeting the shore. You would kill for a shower and to crawl into bed and forget everything that just happened. 

“Yoongi.” The stranger said, exhausted, “My name is Yoongi.” 

He wasn’t looking at you as he introduced himself, his eyebrows furrowed. He was too focused on getting the water out of his clothes as hard as he can. Your actions halted as you stared at him. His black hair clung to his forehead like second skin and yet he still looked ethereal as for you, you probably looked like a wet rag. He felt your stare at him as his head shot up to look at you. You looked away quickly, hoping he didn’t notice you studying his features. 

You cleared your throat, ignoring the way your face became suddenly warm. “My name is Y/N.”

Since he didn’t give you a last name, you didn’t give him yours and he doesn’t seem like he minded. 

Fair enough. 

“The black water lilies,” You started but you couldn’t get the words out. Without them in your hands, it seems so bizarre to even talk about. 

“You’re wondering how I know about them.”

“Yes and I’m wondering how you seemed so calm when you saw it. That it’s normal for you for such a flower to exist because when I saw them I was-”

You were terrified but he didn’t need to know that. 

“You’re right to feel scared. It’s not a good sign to have seen such flowers.” 

The feeling of apprehension came back. Just what did he mean by that?

“What the hell are you, Yoongi?” 

With your harsh whisper, Yoongi seems to be contemplating his next words. It didn’t make the feeling go away. You were scared to know the truth about Yoongi, about everything despite the thirst for seeking it. You just wanted to solve the case, not to uncover the secret of the fucking universe. 

“Someone who is seeking the man who committed such a heinous act. The same man who gave you those black water lilies. 

“You didn’t answer my question. What are you? You’re obviously not human, you’re something else.”

If he wanted you to trust him he better tell you the truth right now and you see it in his face. He needs you and in order to have you by his side, he needs you to trust him. 

“I’m a witch.”

You released a shaky breath. That made sense in a weird, twisted way. 

Somehow, you weren’t shocked about the revelation and you even believed that such an occupation existed. If it weren’t the suspect, probably a witch as well but a more twisted version, along with the black water lilies, you would’ve laughed but you didn’t and once again you wished that weren’t the case. 

You wished that the suspect was just some normal serial killer but no, he just had to be something not human. 

“I’m guessing the man we’re after is a witch as well.” You said, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. Hearing it come out of your mouth seemed so bizarre.

Yoongi nodded as he stared at your defeated form. 

“Does that mean I should let the matters fall into your hands oh great Yoongi?”

It would be nice to forget about all of this. If he suggested that you stay out of it, you would. You welcomed the idea. You don’t want to deal with anything more than what you bargained for. You did go back to the pier to seek answers and well, you got one. 

Thanks to Yoongi, now you know it is something you should not meddle with. 

“No.” Yoongi deadpanned, staring at you with no humour, “It seemed like humans are now involved in this matter so you should be by my side.”

Your heart dropped. 

“You mean I have to help you.” 

“If you don’t want more humans to die. Then yes.”

“God, why me?” You whispered but it seemed like the warlock heard it. “What can I even do?”

“Like it or not, it seems like you have gotten yourself involved more than you wanted to.”

“I just wanted to do my job.” You stated as you started walking farther away from the sea, Yoongi following after. You fished for your phone, hoping it was working. You were lucky that you didn’t bring your phone last time, so it was saved from being dunked in the water but your luck had run out and now you have to buy another one. 

Yoongi looked at you, amused, obvious from the smile he was showcasing. You raised a questioning brow at him, earning a dry chuckle from the witch. 

“I just didn’t expect to be working side by side with a human.” 

“Well, I didn’t expect things like witches to exist.”

“You’d be surprised at what you humans don’t know.”

The thought didn’t stir right in your chest. What more could be out there? 

You wished you wouldn't have to find out but as you stared at the man walking beside you, both of you soaking wet and cold, you figured you would have to eventually.

Next ->