#or stick to deep dives and analyses?

[raphaellight]

Revelator reviev - From hero to zero (spoilers warning)

I loved this episode UNTIL ... let's start from the beggining. It starts in some basement, God knows where. Heroes train so that the hole team is fully powered. Mixed feelings about it. So is it "growing up" that let's you use powers without limits or is it some training? But it's fine, actually good direction, heroes should be shown to work for their achievments. It shows writers didn't yet decide what are exact rules, but knowing Miraculous, they never will.

Then we jump to the beach. I don't follow discussions everyday, but I figured from thumbnails and such that people thought it will be beach episode? Well, we get scene in the beginning and in the end. Which is great.

Alya and Mari talk about how hard it is for Alya to be superhero and blogger at the same time. It made me laugh, how they talk about needing to keep secret identities ON THE BEACH, in the open, but sure, nothing we haven't seen on this show. If character is not in camera focus, they can't hear talking characters, simple as that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Then we jump to Adrien and Nino bringing ice cream. It fall and Marinette takes the occasion to use one of pick up lines you can't convince me otherwise, she stole it from when Chat was still hitting on her. And I love that about her, I want to see more of it. Marinette is not being a stalker but a cute girl. I would love even more if one of previous episodes centered about Mari trying to be flirty and going to Chat for advice. It would be so cool to see "You always had something to say to Ladybug, teach me." And Adrien either dying inside or laughing his a** off at teaching his own girlfriend how to flirt with him. Either way, no, you can't convice me she didn't take from Chat.

Then episode went from fun to GREAT. The plot of dishonest influencer pushing dramatic narrative in social media to gain followers without regard of who will he hurt along the way, it was amazing. And the villain himself 'chefs kiss'. Guy was a clear bad guy, but he was also charismatic and well spoken. He has the talent for media, he just is to selfish to do it the right way and it is great. To often Miraculous pushed the idea that "terrible people" are also actually trash at what they do, this producer and his son being main examples. His son is musician and terrible person stealing ideas. But he couldn't build actual career if he wasn't a good singer/musician. I am very happy this episode brought us talented villain. My only critique is, why are Mari and Adrien like "noone is that mean" AFTER having expierienced Lila? You know there are people that are THAT mean. Or did you forgot already? But apart from that, great plot.

And that line from the future Revelator:

All they want are axciting stories to make up for their boring lives.

It just sticks. It's true. It's harsh and cynical judgment of reality, but you can't say he is wrong. After all, WE ALL are looking for exciment out of teenage superhero romance animated drama. It's one of those characters that puts a dark mirror in front of us. And I hope to see more of him. I know his platform was ment to be seen dismantled of any followers, but please, make him maybe a detective that wants to uncover superhero identity to rebuild it? And make him actually get dangerously close? Or even better, put him as a person that finally reveals the truth about Gabriel. Writers, you created another great character, don't waste him.

Speaking of Gabriel, this secret was brought up as well. It was a bit throwaway line from Marinette, as our antagonist, apart from commenting on Marinette's and Adrien's relationship, he also commented how LB didn't defeat Monarch and that Gabriel is the hero of the city, not her. Another headcannon, he was also the source of news that Alix was forced to leave her family by Ladybug, leading to Jalil to get akumatized in season 5. But I digress, secret that Monarch was Adrien's father weights on Ladybug. And then, we get the akumatization. Revelator's design is crancky like any Miraculous akumatized villain, but his power is well thought out and presented. It reveals the truth in the form of orb, whoever touches the orb sees the secret, if Revelator get's it he can broadcast it thruout the hole Paris or world, we don't know the range. It's well defined, dangerous and challenging, but also balanced with it's clear conditions.

The fight starts and you know what? In a second I realised it's not Ladybug's identity that is at stake. It's the Gabriel's secret. And that made me engaged, because I know she wouldn't get her identity revealed. Not in the middle of a season. But this secret? I really believed it can happen. The stakes were real. And it DOES get revealed. To Alya. She picks the ball and sees Marinette speaking about it. And OW BOY was she pissed.

She is pissed at Mari for keeping a secret from her. And she is pissed for Adrien, believing he deserves the truth. In this episode, from the way she argues Mari and Adrien about "politely talking" and then get's on with using her powers to put the dude down, Alya is everything that led me to view her as my favourite in the beggining of the show. She is the sassy friend, great, proactive character with opinions she voices and rational person having to deal with Marinette's BS. Except this time it's not crazy crush but something far more serious.

The fight goes on, they manage to defeat Revelator. They use Miraculous, which Ladybug hopes will erase Alya's memory. It didn't work however.

20:43 minutes mark. 😮‍💨

This episode was going so great. And they had to ruin it in two minutes. Miraculous ladybug didn't erase memories and Alya clearly states that she won't keep this secret. So Ladybug says that Chat can do it. And he does it, while Alya waits for it. I'm sorry, I need you to understant how much of a let down it was for me. Alya, defender of truth and "real journalism" just accepted and even wanted to get her memories erased because "people should chose when they share their secrets"? If it's your secret, sure, BUT IT'S NOT Mari's secret and Alya states that a minute before. Adrien deserves to know, she should not accept getting her memories wiped out for the sake of "people chosing their time to share secrects". Went from great character to completly contradictory in seconds.

Then Chat's clears the world, because Ladybug miraculous can't destroy and erase things, so they need Chat to do it. Remember what I wrote at the start? Heroes should work for their powers and achievments? I'm Chat Noir fan but no, he should not get power up for free.

And also, if you need Black Cat's miraculous to clear people's minds of unwanted information, then what the hell happened in Oblivio? Miraculous Ladybug could bring their memories back, but according to this, they should not get their newest memories erased so they should kinda "wake up" knowing all that happened, who they are and that they just kissed. Or how many times Ladybug's miraculous got rid of Akuma's creations, like the Werepapas tree? Wouldn't you need Cat's ring to do so? Miraculous does bend the continuity, but here they BROKE cannon rules they themselfes established in a way that undermines the plot seasons back into the show.

And Adrien is to blonde of course to notice that Rena, supposedly after learning Ladybug's identity, is extremly upset and doesn't press the issue at all, of course, because the only times Adrien is allowed to have braincells is either when he is ment to be rational to Mari's shenenigans OR he is ment to cause the end of the world. There is no in between with him.

All that set up with secrets, one of greatest antagonists of the show and great, well written plot of dangers of social media influencers and character build up goes to waste with a bang that also takes hole cannon with it. 9/10 with 1/10 ending

[krems-chair]

I'm always interested in analyses that portray a romanced Solas as a predatory hee hee trickster god manipulating a young and impressionable Lavellan into falling for him and if that's your world state go ahead and live your truth b/c it's frankly none of my business, but I sincerely think there are those who forget that for a lot of people, a romanced Lavellan is (with all due respect to my own Solasmancing Inquisitor Rielle Lavelllan) batshit crazy. Having her boyfriend turn out to be a wolf god is honestly the least of her problems but oh boy is she unafraid to become one to fix this mess.

This is a woman who woke up in a dungeon with a glowing hand, figured out she could fix the world, and thought "fuck it, it's not like I'll have anything else better to do if Corypheus sticks around. Also. Everyone here kind of looks like they want to kill me, so maybe I'll stick with the protective powers that be for a minute." And then all of five seconds later she gets her hand snatched by a sketchy elven apostate who knows exactly what to do with her shiny new powers and cannot stop himself from having a Mr. Darcy level hand-flex after he lets it go (in my heart and soul this happens just out of the camera's gaze) and goes "hmm maybe there's something to be said for this world saving thing."

This is a woman who brought an entire fucking avalanche down on herself and three of her closest friends (and I do mean closest as in physical proximity, she doesn't know these people who are looking at her like she's Thedas' Next Top Idol) because even if it killed her it was the proper middle finger to send to the wannabe god bringing his army tap-dancing down the mountain pass towards her on the one night she had scheduled off to celebrate finally taking a W.

This is a woman going Take 2 Electric Boogaloo on waking up with no idea where she is and learning she was successful in spite-dragging herself up a different fucking mountain in a blizzard. Except now everyone is fighting wait nope now they're Kumbaya-ing a song Andraste's Herald should really probably be familiar with whoops, oh thank God, time for a side convo with the same apostate who's been trying to turn her entire life into a history class only for her to dive in headfirst (much to his initial abject horror) and get that good good discourse she needs since she can't go around arguing with everyone else like she wants to. "The orb is ours." You know what? Of course it is. But if they need the world saved from an elven oopsie, who better to right things than an elf? Fuck it, we ball.

This is a woman who misses being close to nature and goes positively feral at Skyhold, yeeting herself over balconies and banisters and turning the ancient fortress into her personal parkour playground because she's got energy to work off and shit to do, and if the path of least resistance to hunt down everyone she needs to talk to is coincidentally the same path that will absolutely wreck her knees by the time she's sixty, that's just how it has to be.

This is a woman who finds herself back at Haven with a man she's found it possible to be unfetteringly unabashedly herself with and thinks, "hey, maybe there could be more than the flirations we've exchanged over heated discussions and philosophical deep-dives, maybe I can have just one smooch as a treat." And when she feels her slowly unfurling passion reciprocated only to be shut down? She resolves herself to fight for this fledgling love and all the fade tongue that comes with it. This is a woman who gets the tiniest glimpse of what a retirement plan might look like after this whole saving the mortal world thing and buys all the way in.

This is a woman who has Grey Wardens to save from themselves, an empire trying to self-cannibalize, and still finds the time to go rescue a spirit because she, as a fellow comrade caught up in this mess, knows damn well that no innocent deserves to suffer if she can help it while she's got this insane amount of power she never asked for. And if that happens to lead to the man she feels safe enough to nap on the library couches with confessing at last the feelings she knows he's been smothering beneath his all-too-collected surface? Yeah, she'll take that W.

This is a woman who gets absolutely blasted head-over-ass into the fade and goes "honestly things were going a little TOO well." This is a woman who sneaks a peak at the closest fears of the companions she's come to know and love and goes "not on my fucking watch." This is a woman who sees that the man she forces herself to learn the old language for, her vhenan, fears being alone more than anything in the entire knowing world and resolves herself to ensuring it never comes to pass.

This is a woman who gets the opportunity to shape the government of a straight up country and runs around collecting wooden fucking halla in a palace full of elven servants with no time to dwell on that particularly cruel irony because out here it's scheme or be schemed. This a woman who collapses against a balcony railing after putting out some of the sickest literal and metaphorical dance moves The Game has ever seen, resigned to bear her ever-increasing burdens alone, only to find her heart and his horrible horrible hat extending a hand, promising her that if he is not alone, then neither is she.

Like, do you feel me here?

And then he dares to think something as sudden and damning as the truth is enough to keep her away? The queen of tough conversations and tougher choices? No, no, dear readers who have made it this far into my descent into madness.

Inquisitor Lavellan is a master-class in encouraging the odds against her to fuck around and find out. She is a rift-mending false-god-bashing politcally savvy terror upon all of Thedas. Solas (and all of the living breathing world) is lucky she took time out of her busy schedule to notice the way his smile softens when talking about spirits or appreciate the fluidity of his form when they're obliterating venatori out in the field. This man cradled her cheeks in his shaking hands, looked into weary and wide eyes and called her beautiful, and had the audacity to steal her heart before trying to peace out and take it with him.

If she's got to track down a real god this time and frog march him into the fade to reclaim both her heart and the future she fought for because all he wants to do is launch himself like a meteor towards achieving his greatest fear, if she has to spend hours lecturing him on the sheer audacity of his ass while spirits float by and realize they're grateful they never had the chance to take on a body and subject themselves to a verbal lashing this brutal, if she has to do cartwheels around him while dropping all sorts of sweet nothings in the language she is now quite proficient in until he gets it through his luminous gleaming skull that when she said "var lath vir suledin" my girl meant it? Then that's what she's going to do.

"I wish it could, vhenan."

Oh it's going to, buddy. Buckle up to get wrecked, to get absolutely loved and cherished you fool, because Inquisitor Lavellan is not the Dread Wolf's prey, she's his hunter.

[theastromind]

Some more astrology observations

Another lot of observations that I've seen.

People with Scorpio Mercury, especially in the 10th house could be drawn to psychology as a career as they like to dive deep and analyse other people.

Having your Moons square each other in synastry looks scary, but if you’re able to communicate your feelings and your triggers, this can create a deep bond between the two.

If you look at what sign rules your 2nd house is how you like to decorate your living space as your 2nd house represents your home.

A lot of Tauruses like to spend a lot on themselves and indulge when they can. They’re most likely to own a lot of clothes and makeup.

Having a lot of 1st house placements can make someone focus on themselves a lot, not necessarily in a narcissistic way, but they try to work on themselves to become a better person.

Because Scorpios are known for transformation, they could go through a lot of personal styles to see what suits them the best.

Having someone’s Sun square your ascendant can make the person not fully comfortable being themselves in front of you.

A lot of Cancer risings can have a round face like their ruling planet, the moon. They have really expressive eyes and sometimes look like sort of sad at times.

Mars in the 10th house can indicate a very hardworking person, especially when it comes to their career.

Chiron square your North Node can indicate having a lot of trauma and working through that, could possibly be from past life karma.

Venus Scorpios or Venus in the 8th screams ‘ride or die’ in relationships.

When looking at your emotions look at your Moon sign, especially if it’s your initial reactions to something.

Your Moon sign also indicates how you are within your friendship groups.

Positive aspects between both of your Mercurys in synastry can show that conversation between you flow easily and you just get each other. You probably have a lot of inside jokes between you two too.

Thanks for sticking around to read another post of my astrology observations! ♡

btw these gifs are my favourite sanrio character called U*SA*HA*NA* and she is so underrated and needs more love!

[chaifootsteps]

My explanation of what happened: They put in as little writing effort as possible, couldn’t stick to one idea, were too under confident in their own abilities and relied on fandom and the work of other people to make a jumbled messy story.

Viv and Brandon were writing helluva with only random pitches like harvest moon, but not a overarching narrative, she was also focussed on Hazbin. Maybe there came a time where she got less leadership with that project and decided to dive into writing helluva totally solo. So—I say all these based on the fact that stolas personality does a massive shift between the pilot and murder family vs LooLoo land, and an even bigger dramatic 180 turn between truth seekers and Ozzies. Then he was just a brand new character in The Circus.

Pilot and Murder Family stolas, were his original character before anything else. But at some point. She saw how popular the kind Instagram stolas was and said “shit. Let’s do that instead” It was also said that she wrote season 2 while LooLoo Land was airing. Maybe after seeing the positive response to You Will Be Okay she became enamoured with Broadway star Pinkham and decided to rewrite the character for season 2 with him as the new glorified protagonist. With most of the Instagram account artists work being used by her as a “free script” for his new character (she is known for ‘adopting’ ideas) This was also the time she saw Erin Frosts childhood friends fanart. And said “let’s do that” Then for whatever reason started projecting on this character way too much in a ‘he is literally me’ sense. In this new direction—Keeping the characters soft side reserved only for his daughter, and now transplanting that loving behaviour onto his imp toy. Not seeing that a soft side exclusively for his child contrasting with his cruelty to everyone else, makes him a more interesting character.

Problem is. It was too late. Season one was already fully written storyboarded and voiced, the ashtray scenes, face grabbing scenes, sexual harassment, the chain illusion, all ready to go.

What an insane disaster. Broadway fanaticism strikes again. I can’t help but see a parallel between the instagrams and pilot VAs/hunicast. Just throw the owl in a deep fryer and start over at this point. Maybe stolas was just a social experiment! Love him or hate him man he is fun to analyse and pick apart cause he represents all the drama and the mess of the project.

This all sounds pretty plausible to me, and if we ever do learn what the story behind this trainwreck was, I wouldn't be surprised to discover it went something close to this.

There's only two things I'd point out.

Stolas's character shift into a softer character predated Bryce; in this leaked storyboard of Harvest Moon, Brock's still voicing him, and he's actually a whole lot more respectful of Blitzo than he is in the final cut. This is one of those mysteries that gnaws on my brain, just how in the world he ended up becoming worse.

The childhood fanart that started this all wasn't, to the best of my knowledge, drawn by Erin.

[bluntforceboy]

hi! i’m katie, 24, professional overthinker and casual emotional wreck over fictional men.

kdrama enthusiast, but my true weakness? bldramas and morally complex boys with bad coping mechanisms.

currently hyperfixated on weak hero (hence… this entire blog), and yes i will die defending those idiots.

comfort characters? probably yeon sieun on a bad day and go hyeon-tak on a worse one.

top ships that own my soul:

🌀 sieun x suho (ride or die, literally)

🪓 gotak x juntae (healing in violence)

🩸 baku x baekjin (toxic but tender. sue me.)

i do character + relationship analyses because nothing thrills me more than emotionally dissecting people who don’t exist.

also: i write fics! mostly long fics for my other fandoms or one shots, all character x character — no x reader here, just canon-inspired chaos and pain <3

stick around if you like deep dives, emotional damage, and too many tags.

click under the cut for my current one shots!

One Shots!

i’m not a baby • suho x sieun

[thebisexualwreckoning]

Mind analysing your poem a little? 👀

Incredibly long post alert to anyone who plans on reading this

Obligatory transphobes and terfs dni. The following poem is about and written by ‘them gotdamn trannys and queers’ and is about beautiful beautiful t4t sex

i am kissing you. on the mouth.

thank you so much for sending this in i genuinely love talking about my poetry so much muah muah muah!!!

Original poem if anyone wants to read it:

Anyway.

Welcome to Prof A. 's line by line analysis of his poem*. So buckle your seatbelts because this is gonna be loooong ride. Let's get started!

*Disclaimer: you might interpret some of these lines differently then i do and that is perfectly alright. poetry depends on everyone's own lived experience and that does not make any one interpretation less valid. i might have written the poem, but your interpretations are still just as true.

I'm going to start with inspirations and the title first because i love providing backstory and talking about other poets. Very specifically one poet that inspired me to write this actually. You can skip this part if you just want to know about the technical structures and literary devices and specific meanings behind the poem

The title was originally part of a completely different short story/prose poetry  (i hadn't made up my mind yet) thing i was going to write but then never got around to finishing. but i just so happened to be going through my old writing (always keep a handy little notebook on hand. it has saved my life so many times) and find the little snippet i wrote and go, 'wait i actually like this very much' and decide to reuse it for something else.

but anyway, couple hours later im doing a voice of country thing for my literature class and analysing poetry by indigenous and aboriginal Australian poets. and i come across this little poem called 'a portrait of a genderkweer on fire'  by a certain Ellen van Neerven (who belongs to the Mununjali Yugambeh people of south east Queensland btw) (go check out their poetry it is genuinely life changing) and it sticks with me you know. it really does. poc trans people writing about their lived experiences as poetry? why didn't I, a poc trans person, think about that!

(no seriously, in all my years of writing poetry it for some reason never occured to me to write about my people. so genuinely thank you Ellen for that!)

now i've already got a first line ive been wanting to use, i am feeling extremely queer and angry because of unrelated transphobia a friend faced and i have a mechanical pencil and notebook in hand.

So i start writing.

(Apologies for my awful handwriting. i was writing while pacing and waiting for the bus)

Alright, kiddies. As you can see, most of the poem was taken verbatim with very few changes to the actual word choices behind the poem. (I will be doing a deep dive into the language as well, dont you worry)

The biggest change made actually is the switch from prose poetry to a more traditional stanza poem. i made the decision to do this actually because originally the poem was meant to be much longer and incorporate the original piece i decided to rework this into.

The quote 'sometimes i imagine what heaven is like' was meant to be repeated at the start of different stanzas which would be written in prose form, each detailing a different phase of queer love in secret, from secret night time affairs (this specific poem) to escape and loving loudly (the original thing i wrote). however, it didn't really work the way i wanted it too and i decided this was fine as it was and started to edit and play around with it a bit.

i changed 'sometime i imagine what heaven is like' to 'Do you imagine what heaven looks like?' and made it the title of the poem instead of the first sentence. the poem itself now becomes the narrator's idealised image of what heaven would be like for them. i go a bit more on depth about this in point 3 of Changes to the structure

Changes to the structure

As mentioned, the first change was from prose to stanzas. I'm about to get full on literature student about this so bear with me

Each stanza has one (1) extra line from the previous one in the poem. For ex: stanza 1 has 4 lines, stanza 2 has 5 lines, and stanza 3 has 6 lines. this was a deliberate choice i made. not to be too english teacher about this but it shows the narrator is coming to some sort of a revelation soon. (i wont spoil too much about this tho. for reasons)

ENJAMBMENTS!!! if you don't know what an enjambment is, it refers to a line break that interrupts the flow of a sentence: usually the line usually doesn’t end with punctuation, and the thought continues on the next line. now, i heavily fuck with enjambments in poetry. which is why i was so eager to use them over here. they represent a kind of stream of consciences here rather than structured thought. enjamments also help in rising tension and drawing the reader in deeper, making them want to continue reading to find out what happens next.

syntax: now the poem is actually meant to be wish fulfilment of sorts for the narrator, where they imagine all the things they wish they could do with their lover. that's why its not written in present tense using sentences like 'the moon shines' or 'the bedsheet are sweaty...'. The narrator is basically telling the moon to shine through his windows and the bedsheets to be stained and his lover to run a finger down his spine. we don't actually have anything written in present tense till 'She holds me close...'

the random spaced out/missing words a.k.a SYNTAX 2.0! because yes. there are certain words missing. ive intentionally left a space between 'left' and 'tramp' and between 'Boy' and 'fuchsia'. there is also a missing word before 'count'. now, if you read my original version of the poem, you can find out what words are actually supposed to be there, but when i put it into verse form, i found that many of the words id written in prose didnt actually fit. but without them the sentence kind of fell apart. so i decided to leave blank space where those words were supposed to go to signal to the reader that something is missing while not actually needing to mention that

4.5. just like the stanzas growing by a single line in each verse, the missing words also increase in a frequency of one (1), zero of them in stanza 1, a single missing word in stanza 2 and 2 of them in stanza 3.

5. capitalisations and Punctuations to immerse the reader more and help with the stream of consciousness style of the poem, most of the poem is written in lowercase with no punctuation being used throughout the only things capitalised are 'Factory Made Cunt', '... Boy' and 'She holds me...' you may have noticed a common string between these words is they are all related to gender. 'Factory Made Cunt' especially was written to put emphasis on the inherent transness of the character while '... Boy' was capitalised for this and to have more of a visual distinction from the black space that follow. 'She hold me...' however was written to directly contrast the lowercase 'god' and how to the narrator their lover is the divine being instead of any so called god (which is weird because i personally am a religious person).

Language choices and line by line analysis:

'moon shine through the' - moon shine over here is meant to show how queer people often can only exist in the freedom on night time and their love is often only seen within the secrecy of moonlight and not under the brightness of the sun. (also all moon deities are queer icons).

A friend of mine also provided the connection to 'moon shine' being a reference to illegal moonshine (home brewed extremely strong alcohol) and how that itself was a reference to illegally transtioning without the goverment knowing/able to get medical stuff

'window illuminating short bristles of': the narrators lover being a trans girl with a buzz cut was an intentional choice to show that gender expression does not equal actual gender. buzz cuts are traditonally associated with men, but also many butches in the community rock a buzz cut as well and its too show that there's no right way of being trans and presenting as a woman.

'her hair tickling' and 'the underside of my nose': im going at these two together since i don't really have much to say about them separately. it's more meant to be visual imagery, reinforcing the two are intimate in some manner but not really expanding whether it's platonic or romantic yet. its also meant to evoke the image of the narrators lover lying on their chest and but the narrator not caring about the fact that they might be slightly uncomfortable but loves their girl too much to push them away

'bedsheet sweaty and cum': confirming the fact that they are in a sexually intimate relationship and are lying post-coital (i cannot believe i just used the term coital. this has become an academic essay)

'stained entangle around the curve of' - some sensual imagery and tactile imagery

'her thigh where my' - more imagery

'lipstick left        tramps stamps on her' - tramp stamp is a reference to how trans women are often oversexualised and is meant to be a reclamation of their own bodies and sexualities

'Factory Made Cunt' - emphasis is placed on these words by being the first capitalised words in the entire poem as of yet. its meant to kind of condemn the never ending discussion about trans women's bodies and especially their genitals and the hyper sexualization of girlcock by fetishisers (not that there is anything wrong with girlcock. this user loves girlcock and boypussy). its kinda like the narrator is saying 'so what if her pussy is surgically made. how does that make it any lesser)

'           count down the' - once again, not really much to say

'knobs of my spine leaving behind a shivering' - more more sensual imagery

'mess of a Boy    fuchsia bright silicone' - just like how 'Factory Made Cunt' condemned speculation on trans women's bodies, this condemns speculations on those of trans men. it also challenges the assumption that just because you are a man or that you top, you immediately have to be the dominant one in the relationship. 'fuchsia bright' was also a deliberate syntax choice. the silicone is the bright thing here not the fuchsia giving the narrator the chance to have a dick which is bright/illuminated moment for them as a trans boy.

'dick still hard whispering lover' - the 'dick still hard' part was meant to be an ironic comment on how cishetero patriarchal society is always going about people in sapphic relationships using dildos and saying that they should just fuck a real man instead of a fake approximation of one (not that they are that eloquent) but the joke is that while those criticising sapphics who use dildos actually need to wait for a dick to get hard again before they can have sex while the sapphics don't have to worry about that since dildos are always hard. also the 'whispering lover' thing was written completely out of spite to prove the friend with the moonshine interpretation wrong when she said that lover cannot be an appropriate term of endearment and to her credit she has since changed her mind and has been very gracious about it and glad to be immortalised in a poem in this form

'in my ear She holds me close' - more more more sensuous imagery along with auditory imagery of whispering in ears.

'leaving behind no space for god' - a play on the popular phrase 'leave some space for Jesus'

Anyway, this turned out way to big and way to detailed for a simple little analysis but once again, i am a student of literature and this is quite literally my life's passion, made even easier since i have direct access to the writer's brain instead of having to make my own assumptions and spend hours researching.

I hope you enjoy if you or anyone else even bothers to read through considering just how much i actually wrote. but yeah, here's my final literary analysis of my poem Do you imagine what heaven looks like?

[adrianastrix]

Pre-Dracula vampire fiction (1)

Since Halloween is upon us, I decided, as a treat, to rescue my "live reading" tweets about the most important books of vampire fiction (according to Myself, of course) in the form of a reading log. (The things between [ ] are notes I'm interpolating now, for clarity.)

And, since Dracula Daily is coming quickly to a close, I'm inviting you all to a deep dive into the almost two centuries of vampire tradition that Stoker had behind him when he wrote Dracula.

We will start with Augustin Calmet's treatise on the undead (1749), then we will jump to a special edition I have of The Vampyre (the first vampire piece of prose, that we know of, from 1817) with some fanfic short stories based on it attached and then we will visit the Dracula's Brood anthology and a few similar ones (that you only find on Amazon BR). Depending on my ADHD, we may or may not have some highlights of books on folklore vampires (mainly my complaints about them, but there are positive highlights).

ANYWAY LET'S GOO

17/07/2002 - 12:35 am

"I'm reading the vampire reports analysed by Augustin Calmet (a monk that lived around the end of the 17th century and the beginning of the 18th and OH MY GOD MY BRAIN IS SCREAMING. It's too much information in a huge tangle. But the reports he collected ARE the materials that most classical vampire writers read.

I've previously read summaries of his work, not the book itself. I'm reading this free version: https://gutenberg.org/ebooks/29412 This log is my way of organizing all the info in a way that is useful to me.

17/07/2002 - 12:56 am

I'm reading a PT-BR version of the vampire reports, they start at page 243 of the Gutenberg ebook.

In case you don't know, Calmet's treatise is his way to give a Catholic Church perspective on what are essentially paranormal stories that were spread by magazines and newspapers as true. [It was written in 1745, a few years after the Vampiromania started in Europe (we will talk more about that later).]

He talks about ghosts, vampires, revenants, angels, demons and more. We will focus on the vampires.

17/07/2002 - 12:57 am

We start with the first (highly controversial) folk ethymology for "vampire" as a derivation of "oupire", both meaning "bloodsucker". They are classified here as a type of revenant, or "those who come back".

[You would THINK we know what the word "vampire" actually means and from which language it originally comes, by now, given how much interest there is on the topic, and you would be naïvely, DELICIOUSLY wrong.]

17/07/2002 - 12:58 am

Another cool fact he adds is that vampires only *sometimes* cause their victim's deaths. As for what causes the vampirism cases known at the time, he lists four possible things: 1 - nothing, it's just superstition; 2 - people buried alive [yikes]; 3 - dead people that God allowed to come back and haunt the living; 4 - Satan shenanigans

17/07/2002 - 12:59 am

I think cause 3 is cool, because when was it the last time you've read a story of a person that became a vampire because God Himself told them "no, no, they really screwed you over, go back and drink a couple liters of their blood to teach them a lesson"?

17/07/2002 - 1:05 am

Here Calmet enters a tangent about cases of actual ressurrections, Lazarus-style. I'm skipping that, it doesn't interest me. Let me get back to action on page 261, with M. Vassimont's case.

17/07/2002 - 1:13 am

Hahahahahaha oh my GOD this is my favourite case. So, the vampire is the ghost of a shepherd that sometimes appear as a man, sometimes, as a dog. He attacks people [not by drinking blood, but] by making them feel weak, and he also ties the tails of two or more cows together [because he is also a petty jerk, apparently].

So, when the peasants decide to stake him to pin him on the ground, he flat out LAUGHS at their faces. The corpse mocks them, saying that the stake is just a stick to shoo dogs, and keeps tormenting him until he is dragged out of the village and burned to ashes.

17/07/2002 - 1:22 am

I love so much the mental image of a group of peasants around the coffin, tired and soaked with blood after staking that jerk and he just keeps LAUGHING at their faces.

17/07/2002 - 1:28 am

Calmet keeps repeating the signals that a corpse is a vampire: its blood is still red and liquid, rosy faces and flesh that is soft, pliable and devoid of worms. And to illustrate it, he offers cases of people that didn't decomposed after death and how things around them sometimes move by themselves.

17/07/2002 - 1:29 am

It's interesting because the vampires in those reports are considered revenants, too, but they don't rise from their tombs and drink blood. Instead, they cause poltergeist phenomena in their former homes, throwing rocks and messing things around.

17/07/2002 - 1:37 am

Another case of vampirism. This time, the vampire appears to his son after his death and asks for dinner. The son feeds him and the old man disappear. The next day, he does the same. The next morning, the son dies. When they exhume the old man's corpse, it's *breathing*.

[TO BE CONTINUED...]

This was an eventful early morning. It was 5 months after the beginning of the quarantine and I my home office work didn't have official hours, so my sleep patterns had already gone to space at that point.

At this point, I think it's important to notice how vampires bring signs of life to the corpses they inhabit, and sometimes these signs not necessarily include the corpse moving around. I mean, for all his laughing around, the jerkish vampire shepherd above never did anyting to stop the stake or his own burning.

You will see so much more that sadly never made its way into fiction tomorrow. At the end, I'll make a summary of what was a vampire at that point, before the Germans muddled it all (yeah, the Germans, bet you didn expect it - although the French also had a hand on it). Stay tuned!

[yeetmeoutthewindowdaddy]

Quit messaging me with your fake sob stories asking for money, I will report and block you. Using the tragedies of real people to scam for money is vile and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

How to spot a scam online.

I'm over 21 and my blog isn't blank, please just let me devour your headcanons for my current fandom hyperfixation.

If you know me IRL, you don't. (Please never mention the contents of this blog to me or anyone else. This blog was supposed to be my anonymous shame blog.)

THIS BLOG IS NSFW/18+

This whole blog needs a spoiler warning.

I post almost exclusively about BG3.

I decided to throw some of my own ideas at the wall, if you would like to see what sticks my master list is under the cut. (It's a mix of shitposts, fanfictions, character analyses, lore breakdowns, headcanons, simping, and horny posting.)

I have a memory worse than a goldfish. I will reblog the same posts multiple times, sometimes multiple times a day an hour. 😥

If I've spammed your notifications by mass liking your posts.

(I don't really understand how tumblr works, and most of the time I'm using it through a web browser on my old/kind of shitty new and confusing phone.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Master list: (2)

Characters are indexed in the order that I made posts about them in; with their respective posts listed from oldest to newest, top down.

A link with a * at the end is a link which has multiple instances on this list, but is under a (slightly) different name.

A link with a ^ at the end is a link which has multiple instances on this list under the same name.

A link with a 🔥 at the end contains smut or NSFW/18+ content.

DND:

Homebrew:

Homebrew tabaxi ability

Lore:

Elven naming conventions (ft. Halsin's name etymology)*

Everybody hates tieflings (ft. Zevlor)

Elturel's history and culture, the Hellriders (ft. Zevlor)

Where a tiefling's scent gland would be located

Deneir's dogma and cool IRL history

Tiefling lovers PSA

Tiefling tails are erogenous zones

Tiefling skin/infernal ridges headcanon

BG3:

Gale:

Playboy Gale

Gale has daddy issues updated

Gale cucked Gortash*

Gale has a large... vocabulary🔥

A Rose by any other name

Gale's hot wife

Gale pulls a power move🔥

Gale moaning timestamp🔥

Gale and Elliott from Stardew Valley

Zevlor:

Psychoanalyzing the characters I simp for

Shopping bags

"Cat" dad Zevlor

Science rat

Vein thirst post🔥

Caging Zevlor during his rut🔥

A deep dive into Zevlor's devotion series master list (incomplete)

Using Zevlor as a chew toy

Love is an open wound^

Grandpa is too strong

Zevlor's breeding kink, horse girl edition (NOT bestiality or pony play)🔥

What Zevlor once was

Scent glands🔥

A thirsty Zevlor ask that went angsty🔥

Thirsting for Zevlor🔥

Zevlor Tries Tinder Master List (Completed)

When life gives you lemons

Gortash:

Monster fucker Gortash

The dark urge to simp for Gortash

Psychoanalyzing the characters I simp for (Part 2)

Durgetash Daddy Issues🔥

Gortash cucked by Gale*

Durgetash is drowning

How in the hell you spell chauffeur? (comic request)

Monster fucker lover Gortash ft. Ketheric

Gortash spoiles Durge

Durgetash intrigue

Astarion:

Worm love

NSFW fluffy Astarion HC🔥

A cursed thought that should've stayed in my head🔥

Sassy Astarion

Similar energy

Rolan:

Sibling bonding time

Rolan's name etymology

Tsundere Rolan master list🔥 (ongoing)

Sub Rolan🔥

Rolan's performance issues (Part 1)

Love is an open wound^

Rolan's Tav🔥

How Rolan got his nickname

Rolan's puppy dog eyes

Rolan's nickname

Angst potential

Rolan's performance issues (Part 2)🔥

Rolan's lisp

Rolan's lisp headcanons🔥

Rolan and sorcerer Tav imagine

Wholesome Rolan lisp idea

Rolan mod request

Princess Bride AU

Throne thirst

Glow sticks

How I became a Rolan simp

Hit 'em with that smolder

Thunderforge meme potential

Thunderforge meme part 2

Silly Rolan headcanon

Halsin:

Halsin's name etymology, and Elven naming conventions*

Halsin can't catch a break

Halsin's in-game stats, how Larian did Halsin dirty

Multiple characters:

Ranking camp companions on their childrearing abilities (Astarion, Wyll, Halsin, Gale, Shadowheart, Lae'zel, Karlach, Minthara, Mizora, Withers, Volo, Jaheira, Minsc and Boo)

Troubleshooting a PC updated (Zevlor, Dammon, Rolan)

Accidental BG3 shitpost

Off-putting headcanons for the tiefling bachelors (Zevlor, Dammon, Rolan)

Other shit:

An unfortunate side effect of being in the BG3 fandom🔥

Possible Geraldus IRL actors

A dress Lae'zel would tolerate wearing

A dress for Selunite Shadowheart

[kaananom]

Hananoi's character writing Pt.2

I cant help but be mezmerized by hananoi's character building because it just makes so much sense in my head. Usually im not really one to analyse and deep dive into characters because i find it hard to connect things that are unsaid but implied (so i read others analyses lol), with him tho it just sticks out to me like a sore thumb. Idk what it is about this manga bit i feel like the author did a perfect job portraying things. So without further ado,

Exhibit A:

This matches up perfectly with what he experienced with his parents. All his life he was never given the time of day or prioritized so he grew an intense thirst for affection from someone. He wanted to experience what it actually feels like to be someones first thought, someones first priority, to be the person someone will drop everything at the blink of an eye to be with. And when he got hotaru, he expected exactly that from her. This is very evident in this panel below:

If you think about it, hotaru shares a quality with his parents that he very much dislikes. Its that she is a good person who will lend a hand to someone who needs it. His parents are technically not doing anything "wrong", theyre volunteering to provide healthcare to those who dont have it. Thats a good cause so theyre "good" people. But inspite of all that the fact remains that they neglected their son, and hananoi knows this. He dislikes them but cant truly hate them because theyre not bad people theyre going around the world saving lives for gods sake! Hotaru is ensuring the safety of 2 kids for gods sake!! He knows its inherently good that its inherently the right thing to do but his yearning to be the first priority weighs much more than his consience. This panel almost felt like he was testing her. It felt like he was SCREAMING "dont be like my parents please chose me please prioritize me please stop caring about the greater good just look at ME"

And so?

He feels guilty. So DEATHLY guilty that he loathes himself for it. The thing is, he can dislike or even hate his parents all he wants without feeling an ounce of guilt because they never showed up for him in the first place. But hotaru? He KNOWS shes not like his parents he KNOWS she cares for him and loves him deeply he KNOWS shes considerate of his feelings down to a tee because shes PROVEN that time and time again. But his insecurites creep in and he hates himself for feeling this way but at the same time he cant help but feel what he feels as theres sooo many layers of trauma here. Hes self aware of his problems but he has no idea how to tackle them so he feels like hes stuck in a cycle

Exhibit B:

Hananoi doesnt have any regards for himself. And it makes so much sense because nobody was around in his childhood to show him HOW to care for himself. He was never praised, never looked for in any instance, his name was never uttered. He has the brains and the looks but he doesnt care for them because he never built those qualities for himself, he built them to get recognition but never got them from the people he actually cares about.

Yes his grandma cared but i feel like at one point he became indifferent to familial love. And seeing his grandma makes him uncomfortable because she always gives him a "look" if ykwim. Like a look of pity perhaps? A look that says "you poor thing ur parents just HAD to be assholes" and he doesnt wanna think about that so he never bothered to build smth with her. They dont even live together, he should be living with a guardian but no he lives alone. Which brings me to this panel

It hit me HARD just how lonely he is when he says "its okay my parents dont live with me" like, thats a direct translation of "its okay nobody would be worried about me/nobody would look for me". He could be out at any time of day and be getting up to sketchy stuff and no one would really know. He could be sick or getting badly hurt and nobody would really know (atleast not until he reaches out first or really dissappears for days on end or smth). Not his parents, not his grandma, not even hotaru.

I mean hotarus in the picture now so he feels cared for, but imagine before that? OFCOURSE he did not care about himself, because who tf would notice if he were gone? Everybody kept leaving him so it was a message from the universe that he doesnt amount to anything. He never really experienced people calling him when hes out late, or people checking up on him when hes feeling down. He was just, so on his own. He refuses to acknowledge his good qualities because he doesnt think theyre all that great. He holds himself to standard that he wishes to reach but cant seem to so he gets massive imposter syndrome from it

I mayhaps projected a bit here and there and applied my own head cannons so forgive me if im mischaracterizing him but oh well ahahahahaahaha teehee

[chatalbashreviews]

Severance Season 2 Review! #severance #shorts

Severance Season 2 Review! #severance #shorts https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxLIfkCAwF8 In this video, I dive deep into Severance Season 2, offering a comprehensive breakdown of the episodes, exploring the hidden meanings behind the plot twists, and analyzing the stunning cinematography that defines this show. Join me as I provide an in-depth Severance episode analysis, highlighting key moments, Easter eggs, and the philosophical themes woven throughout the season. I’ll also cover character development and offer my thoughts on how the series has evolved. Plus, get ready for some intriguing theories about what’s to come in future episodes, and don’t miss my season 2 recap that ties it all together. Whether you're a fan of the show or new to the world of Severance, this video will help you understand the complex layers and themes that make it so captivating. Be sure to stick around for some of my favorite season 2 highlights and unique insights into the series! 🔔 Don’t forget to subscribe for more breakdowns, analyses, and reviews on your favorite TV shows! #SeveranceSeason2 #SeveranceHiddenMeanings #SeveranceEpisodeAnalysis #SeveranceRecap #SeveranceTheories #SeveranceCinematography #SeveranceEasterEggs #SeveranceCharacterDevelopment #SeveranceSeason2Highlights #SeverancePhilosophicalThemes via Chatalbash Reviews https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmqQebnXAVWe5OKEfVHfj2g March 25, 2025 at 06:02PM

[krazybranding]

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Conclusion: Embrace the Krazy Branding Experience In a world where content saturation is a challenge, Krazy Branding shines as a beacon of originality and diversity. It defies conventions, embraces the unexpected, and delivers an enriching experience to its readers. Whether you are seeking the latest tech insights, hidden historical gems, or a flavorful culinary adventure, Krazy Branding is your ultimate destination for knowledge and entertainment. Dive into this world of eclectic content and let your curiosity take the lead—because at Krazy Branding, the journey never gets boring.

[chocolatedetectivehottub]

Sure tips,

Sure tips,

Are you looking to make more accurate predictions and secure winnings? Whether you're diving into sports betting, lottery predictions, or forecasting outcomes in other areas, "Sure Tips" is here to guide you. In this article, we’ll provide essential tips to help you make informed decisions and improve your chances of success.

1. Understand the Basics

Before jumping into predictions, take time to understand the fundamentals of your area of interest. For example:

Sports Betting: Learn the rules of the game, team statistics, and player performance.

Lottery Predictions: Familiarize yourself with number patterns, historical results, and probability.

Other Forecasting Areas: Research past trends, underlying factors, and expert analyses.

A solid foundation in your chosen field is the first step to accurate predictions.

2. Analyze Statistics and Trends

Data is your best friend when it comes to making sure predictions. Dive deep into statistics, historical data, and performance records. Look for trends such as:

Teams or players performing well in specific conditions.

Recurring patterns in lottery numbers.

Market or environmental factors influencing outcomes.

Use tools like spreadsheets, prediction software, or online analytics platforms to organize and analyze your data effectively.

3. Leverage Expert Insights

Stay updated with expert opinions and analyses. Subscribe to blogs, newsletters, or YouTube channels that specialize in your area of interest. However, ensure that the sources are credible and have a proven track record. Combine their insights with your analysis for a balanced approach.

4. Manage Your Budget Wisely

Predictions, especially in betting, come with financial risks. Set a budget and stick to it. Never bet more than you can afford to lose. Allocate your funds across multiple predictions to reduce the risk of significant losses.

5. Stay Disciplined and Avoid Emotional Decisions

Emotions can cloud judgment, leading to impulsive decisions. Stick to your strategies and avoid chasing losses. Remember, predictions are about logic and analysis, not gut feelings or luck.

6. Experiment and Learn

Test different strategies and learn from your successes and failures. Keep track of your predictions, analyze what worked and what didn’t, and refine your approach over time.

7. Use Technology to Your Advantage

Several apps and websites provide tools for predictions. Some popular tools include:

Betting Calculators: To calculate potential winnings and compare odds.

Statistical Analysis Platforms: For detailed trend analysis.

Prediction Algorithms: To identify patterns and generate forecasts.

8. Stay Informed About Updates

In areas like sports or markets, last-minute updates can significantly impact outcomes. Follow live updates and adjust your predictions if necessary. Being informed gives you a competitive edge.

Final Thoughts

Sure tips are about combining knowledge, analysis, and discipline. While there are no guarantees in predictions, following these tips can significantly improve your chances of success. Always remember to approach predictions responsibly and enjoy the process of learning and forecasting.

With dedication and the right strategy, you can turn predictions into a rewarding endeavor. Good luck!

[yuuana]

Music Monday #251: ONEUS - Now (original by Fin.K.L) release: May 2024 genre: Kpop cw: flashing, heist antics, literally not work-safe antics

Wait, what do you mean it's Monday again already? Well crikey! How about something both old and new with this remake from ONEUS (pronounced one-us*, to match with their brother group ONEWE (one-we))? Sure, I'm late getting this up, but it's been A Year all year now, okay? Okay. :p

So if you've been into Kpop for awhile, you might know 1st gen girl group Fin.K.L who released the original version (cw: flashing, lens flares, potentially unhinged behavior) back in 2000. And if not, you probably should, since they've been hugely influential as part of the success of that first Hallyu wave of the early 00s. Of course the Korean pop idol machine is as susceptible to nostalgia as anyone else, and so we have ONEUS remaking a classic viral hit. The first obvious difference is the updated backing bass and harmonies that are more in keeping with modern dance pop style. There's also been a key shift as the song was transposed from women to men. It's both a tribute to the original and a song with ONEUS's own flavor.

The video's narrative sections give us a much less unhinged story, though it still involves breaking and entering, this time in corporate offices. Mind you, the exact methods of this heist are ... a bit all over the place and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't actually work as shown, but what else is new? Heist movies are about the implausible action sequences and outsmarting The Man, not sticking strictly to reality. The use of old school lock picking as a tribute to the original, the ridiculous janitorial subplot, even the two dancing ants at the end make me smile. I could have done without the flashing lights on the dance stage, but that's a me thing. Not to mention Leedo's sweater's struggle. XD

"Now" is available for streaming wherever you do your Kpop listening.

* yes, I know their official hangul has an "extra" "e" in there (원어스), let's not get into the written versus voiced thing Want to see Music Monday deep dives more often? Sponsor a song selection! For the low, low price of one (1) KoFi, I'll write up the song of your choice. ANY song of your choice. Yes, even that one that's been played to death. Yes, your obscure faves too. With sponsors, I can stop skipping weeks and falling further and further behind in the releases! Sponsor a current CB for the next open Music Monday slot or sponsor a throwback for a Thursday feature! But seriously, if you've been enjoying my selections and analyses, we (me and the foster kittens) would love a KoFi in thanks. DW | Mastodon | Bluesky | Ko-fi | Patreon | Discord

[webscarlet]

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[brybryby]

VERY LONG POST IM SORRY. DONT FEEL OBLIGED TO READ

HI. Alrighty, this has been on my mind for a while (ever since promotional content for Trials started being released).

I have a TON of analyses in the drafts, but I want to make this post before I release them for public viewing.

I know that I like to make goofy, light-hearted little fan animations and fan art of Outlast, but I think I need to start changing how I navigate through the content. After spending so much of my time deep diving and writing up these analyses, my eyes have been opened to just how much the franchise revolves around fucked up historical events. I feel that some of the stuff I've posted is tone deaf, or at least the way I posted about it is. And I think—for the most part—there's an understanding that I don't intend to be harmful, but I fear that the way I go about it **is**. (And obviously, action takes precedence over intent.)

For contextualization, when I initially got into Outlast at the age of 12, I was enthralled by the horror aesthetics and found a lot of the angsty gore to be cathartic. I felt so “taboo” and “scandalous” lol (especially as a developing child trying to understand myself amidst my puberty stage). I was young and—for lack of a better word—braindead in how I navigated the media. I was naive, mindless, ignorant, etc etc… Now that I have a deeper understanding of the narratives and historical implications/influences, I need to do better in how I interact with the franchise.

What am I getting at?

Pretty much, I'm working on being more careful with how I interact with the media. At the same time, I want the analyses that I post to be educational. And most importantly, please message me if I ever say some bullshit. Seriously. All I ever want to do with my life is to be a positive impact. I genuinely get upset if I cause harm to someone else. (One time I literally cried at a high school football game as a freshman because I thought I hurt someone else's feelings. It turned out they were faking it lmao. Then they started feeling bad and then that made me feel bad for crying and yea yea).

Seriously though. I know that my posts can get public outreach, and anything that has public outreach can be influential and have a good or bad impact. So please let me know if I do or say anything harmful or ignorant. I won't be offended. I don’t want to spread harmful stuff. There are many instances in my life where people sit me down to have meaningful conversations about shit I've said or done and how I can improve myself.

That said, I'll be posting more analyses and making my own syntheses of historical events. My next analysis post will be about Waylon's Asian-coding (specifically Korean-coding), how Trials actually supports this (using themes of US immigration), and why it is apparent to many Asian fans (including me, hehe).

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That's pretty much it. But if you wanna stick around a bit further, I'll tell you my (excruciatingly long) story about how I got into Outlast :) along with how much it has invaded my brain and life :') and maybe get a little ~personal~ hehe

STORYTIME:

So, the game came out in 2013. Nearly 10 years ago. I was 12 at the time of its release. Let me tell you…this game was a HUGE impact in the horror community. HOLY. SHIT. It changed the way I looked at lockers and beds. I remember it being critically acclaimed (and rightfully so). It may have not been the most technical video game, but it certainly was a piece of art.

I remember commercials being shown everywhere. The trailer of beta Miles Upshur running and parkouring through Mount Massive while being chased by the tiny beta model of Chris Walker will forever be canonized as part my childhood. I remember specifically heading to the bathroom from my living room and my dad interrupting me to say “Hey! Check this out!” and then proceeding to play the trailer for my 12-year-old eyes. I was scared shitless.

Couple weeks later, Conan O'Brien featured Outlast in one of his segments of “Clueless Gamer” (yeah, my family and I used to watch Conan lol). I was very familiar with Slender and Amnesia, which were the 2 other games featured in this Halloween special, but this was the first time I REALLY got to check out Outlast.

Now, let me preface that during this time, internet culture was very interesting and even less safe than it is today. I had a ton of bad experiences on the internet during my childhood. But oddly (and embarrassingly), the emo/scene/horror/creepypasta culture was what brought me comfort amongst a sea of awful things you could find on the internet. It was probably unhealthy for my developing brain, but I indulged in a lot of angst that was presented with heavy gore and violence. And to be honest, looking at this kind of stuff at a young age helped me process a lot of my own personal shit that I experienced outside of the internet realm. (To be clear, I don't endorse this type of violence, and I don't endorse exploring the internet in the same way I did as a child—it was probably very unhealthy and I think it caused some early development issues.)

But nothing—and I mean NOTHING—scratched that itch more than the way Outlast did. I watched the finger cutting scene in Conan's “Clueless Gamer” and was fucking mortified. I was scared of the dark for weeks. But I remember spending that night in my bedroom looking at more Outlast content to get that cathartic fix to fill my emotional hole of…I don't know…morbid curiosity? I definitely felt shame at the time. I don't know. In recent years, I've been on this journey to process stuff I experienced during my childhood and I struggle to go about my middle-school/junior-high stage because…I don't know…puberty? Access to the internet? I once got bullied by a forum of adult men for posting fan art LMAO. I was 12 years old—I forgot what the fan art even was. ANYWAYS, yea. That was only one instance of my conglomeration of internet experiences. (Like many other peeps, I had to hide my gender & racial identity to preserve my sanity). Indulging in gore art was therapeutic and helped me release negative emotions in a non-harmful way. Horror-genre communities online have been mostly friendly and welcoming towards me. That's probably why I fell in love with Outlast as an art rather than a video game.

I wasn't in the fandom straight off the bat. I had other hyper fixations at times but I navigated through these other fixations with this personal “Outlast standard” where the art and fiction I consumed needed to be horror-themed, gorey, or angsty. And Outlast isn't solely to blame. I was into gore and angst before the game came out. It just so happened that it came out at such a perfect time in my life. (Horror made my queer self feel accepted)

This whole “Outlast standard” stuck with me throughout high school. Uh… this next bit of information may get a little personal. During my sophomore year, someone really important in my life passed away. Then I had this life-impacting thing happen during my junior year that changed how I perceived things forever (lol, this sounds so dramatic). I turned to art to help me process and yada yada… but y'know what really helped? You know what I turned to when I needed to “scratch the itch”? (I bet you'll never guess)

I finally considered myself a part of the Outlast fandom in 2018-2019. I was a high school junior/senior and I posted the Outlast-Outkast animation that got retweeted by Red Barrels. Had a lot of fun in the fandom during that time and it helped get my mind off of things. Also, I loved the fact that Waylon graduated from Berkeley. I was applying to colleges during this time and it made me romanticize Berkeley, lol. I ended up getting accepted. Had an awesome time. I recently graduated and got my Bachelor's. I'm very privileged and gracious for my experience. I spent a lot of grueling time and energy dedicated towards my education.

During my college years, a lot of the unprocessed shit from my childhood started resurfacing and it was becoming hard to navigate through life. I became really disconnected with people who were close to me. Art started to fall out of my life. Stuff happened. Got in touch with psychiatrists thanks to my college's free health services. I don't mean to downplay or normalize what happened, but I'll bring up that many college students deal with mental illness and depression (and this could be attributed to many things: moving away from family, student-life, financial pressure, pressure to secure jobs/internships, living alone for the first time, maturing into an adult, etc. etc.).

But I remember sitting alone in my studio apartment one weekend and started surfing Tumblr. I came across new Outlast fan art and it sparked my hyper fixation all over again. I re-read the comics and—OKAY THIS IS GONNA SOUND FUCKING RIDICULOUS—but I started jogging because Miles went on jogs LMAOOAKJDGHJAHKGFL. I finally picked up the pencil and started drawing again (after like…months) and drew Miles and Waylon flipping off Murkoff. And THAT was when I realized what the narratives of Outlast were actually about—FUCKIN' CAPITALISM AAUGGGHHH. MY LITTLE POOPOO BRAIN AT AGE 12 NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT. AND NOW THAT I'M AN ADULT—NOW THAT I CAN BLATANTLY SEE MYSELF AND MY PEERS AS VICTIMS/PRODUCTS OF CAPITALISM—CAN FINALLY FIND SO MUCH VALUE AND MEANING IN THIS GAME HHHRHRJGHKSDKFGLAJKDG SAY W H A T IM GONNA *explodes*

Then a year later, I started drawing more and more again. Trials' promotional marketing was becoming more prominent. I started posting my fan art on Tumblr. Then I made the fanimation (thank you Mr. Baichoo, you're so awesome, I will forever be a fan of yours) and now here I am. Still fixated on this silly little game for nearly 10 years. WHEW.

I FEEL LIKE A SHRIMP CHIP. Anyways, thanks. I much needed to get this off my chest.

Also, hey! Just wanted to say thanks for the friendly and welcoming interactions in this space. It feels so much safer and more comforting than previous internet experiences I've had. Since 2013, the fandom has evolved a lot. In my opinion, it has evolved for the better. The resurgence of new fans bring such refreshing perspectives and fields of knowledge that haven't been influenced by some of the harmful internet culture that I grew up in. So truly, many thanks to y'all for making the fandom space a nicer place (especially for such a heavy game). Also, what the heck, everyone in the fandom is seriously so talented and artistic

Uh… fan art time? (old stuff/sketches I haven’t posted)

But seriously if you got this far, thank you

[absolutely-not-my-main-blog]

You know what, now that I think about it, I do think Malcolm in the Middle may actually be the show with the closest vibes to Sunny there is out there, (not quite, but like in comparison, imo, nothing else comes even remotely as close in each area that counts), but if I ever start doing deep dive analyses into Malcolm in the Middle, too, I am gonna need you to hunt me down and put a stop to that real quick because it’s too late for me.

I mean, okay, the last time I watched MITM was at the very least like 8-9 years ago, so bear with me but something something about horrible/imperfect people in ridiculous situations, who you can still sympathize with and who still have real affection for each other underneath all the chaos. For example, I remember one thing that always stood out to my sister and I when we were younger was just how much Hal and Lois really loved each other no matter how bad things got, especially in comparison to like every other sitcom couple. Or how Malcolm, Reese and Dewey (and Francis) would bicker and turn on each other at the drop of a hat but also team up or stick up for each other when it counted, even if it blew up miserably. In the same way, the gang may cause all this absolute mayhem and tear each other down and laugh at each other in dire straits, but at the end of the day, they'll also go out of their way to cheer up Charlie by making him a denim chicken or make a whole movie because they like doing silly things as a group or come together to do some grand gesture to go against the common enemy or help their friend in need, even if they sometimes go about it in awful ways, or etc. etc. But anyway, Always Sunny *handshake emoji* Malcolm in the Middle-> a family that’s allowed to be messy and flawed and terrible and real to the extent where there's not necessarily any Aesop or lesson and things don’t always or even often or at at all work out for them--a group of people who don't always or even often do the right thing, but you still have fun watching and rooting both for and against them at the same time, subverting so many expectations of the genre in all directions.