#or yknow. make it theme weeks instead of months

[boopdotcom]

*Rapunzel Voice, increasingly panicked*: I'll paint the wall some more, I'm sure there's room SOMEWHERE

Next up is different types of boop btw! At long last, super and evil booping is on the horizon ^^

Also I just had a REALLY silly idea that is WAY more work than it might be worth. But isn't it always like that -_-

[nhescio]

Okay I have a visceral need for a hannigram time travel fic but instead of the typical Will or Hannibal fix-it, the person that time travels back is none other than Frederick fucking Chilton. Like imagine Chilton wallowing around all crispy and stuff after being human torched wondering what he’s done to deserve everything he’s been through. And when he’s finally okay enough to be discharged from the hospital to go home, an anvil falls on him or smth. And as he’s lying there incredulously, he’s like, yknow what? Im not even upset about this. I think Ive suffered enough near death experiences. Please just let this one put me out of my misery. And as his eyes finally drift shut, he hears an alarm blaring in his face. An alarm from his phone. His phone which, when he goes to shut it off, displays an impossible sequence of numbers— the plastic screen shinning with a date from four years past.

So after freaking out and confirming that he is indeed in the past, (and weeping in joy over his unmutilated body) Frederick does the obvious— he packs his bags, pays a visit to the bank, and gets on the next available flight out of the country.

And then his plane crashes and he dies.

But of course he doesn’t die because that seems to be a common theme in Frederick Chilton’s life!

So he’s jolting out of bed again to that same alarm and he tries not to tear his own face off (not that he would ever actually do that cause he knows how easily he could lose that precious face). And (after a few more tries) since this time loop bs isn’t letting him run away, he does the next best thing— phoning the FBI with a tip so that they would investigate Hannibal Lecter and put him behind bars for good. But of course Hannibal somehow finds out and discretely shakes the FBI off his trail while simultaneously sending one of his murderer protégés after Frederick. And so not even a month passes by before Frederick finds himself dying and waking to that infuriating alarm again.

And he keeps going through different loops trying to avoid being “murder tableau of the week”, but failing miserably every time. After dying for what feels like an infinite number of times, he’s realized two main consistencies. Number one, he can’t personally expose Hannibal Lecter as the ripper if he doesn’t want to be gutted, and two, the sooner Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter begin their weird courtship, whether from Frederick’s deliberate meddling or from ripples of unrelated actions, somehow he’s left with much less blood and chaos in the aftermath. In one incredible timeline, Frederick even managed to only sustain one life threatening disembowelment for three years before accidentally making a rude comment about Will Graham’s lack of a social life, thereby leading to a cold death in the Atlantic.

After this revelation, he vows to get Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter to bang each other as soon as possible for the sake of his own self preservation— going through elaborate plans like befriending and recruiting the FBI’s forensics team, or snapping Jack Crawford out of his obliviousness so he’d bluntly give them a nudge, or even once flirting with Will Graham himself to get Hannibal Lecter jealous (note: that attempt did NOT end up well).

And one day, after a shocked text from his “Sassy Science Matchmaking Squad” group chat proclaiming that Hannibal and Will, lovingly dubbed Hannigram by the group, had spontaneously quit their jobs and run away to Europe together, Frederick suddenly realizes he hasn’t been stabbed or burned or maimed or drowned or disemboweled once! He thinks back to his early success in this timeline��� silently high fiving with Beverly and Jimmy (Zeller, the spoilsport, had refused to partake) while voyeuristically watching Will and Hannibal shyly having their first kiss in the shadows of a filthy crime scene. In fact, he didn’t think anyone in their immediate circle had been stabbed or burned or maimed or drowned or— well you get the point.

And as one year turns to two to four to eight with no word from Hannibal or Will except the occasional postcard, a sort of cautious optimism starts building in Frederick’s heart. The years continue to fly by until one day, Frederick finds that his hair has turned a snowy white, and that his legs are too weak to support his aching body. He tries to take in a breath to laugh but it comes out as a wheeze. He’s at the end of the line once more, but this time at the end of a healthy, fulfilling life. His only wish is that he’s finally allowed to move on. And as he feels his life slowly drifting away from him, Frederick wonders if he’s accomplished whatever divine mission that godforsaken time loop had wanted him to complete. It really feels like he did the best he could this life, preventing every possible death on the East Coast by sending Hannibal and Will packing early. Sure, he feels bad for the poor suckers in Florence or Paris that were probably flambéed for a pretentiously fancy brunch, but realistically, those two would always leave a body count no matter where they went.

All Frederick wants now is to pass in peace. With a heavy sigh, Frederick willingly closes his eyes one last time, content to move on into whatever lies in the beyond.

And he dies. For real this time. Woohoo!

The End

[eyeballplanets]

i am always really happy whenever an invincible blogger interacts with my anissa posts, but i can't even make a joke about welcoming someone into my agenda. for all my jokes and melodrama, i do genuinely insist that i am just describing the intended reading. you could even argue they're not even necessarily exegetical, as i am mostly just describing how she interacts with the effusively established themes and motifs and the show's discursive gestures toward race and gender.

‘she is among the small number of racebent characters’ is just true; ‘she was a square-jawed short-haired man-hater who didn't want kids in the comics’ is just true; ‘she and all the other characters party to coercive plots that reflected kirkman's underlying biases have been changed’ is just true; ‘with thula's apparent death she is the only important female viltrumite in a series that frames the hegemonic masculinities of its patriarchs as violation and dominating and that frames women as leading to growth and empathy for its protagonist’ is just true.

it's to the point i've totally restrained any of my longer form jokes and crack takes about her because as the resident Anissa Analyzer i don't want anyone to confuse anything i say about her with baseless jokes or projection because the invincible fandom scrutiny already compels people to act so sheepish in my notes. do you know how tiring it is to hear people go ‘yknow... i think this post might make me potentially consider starting to wonder if you might have made at least a couple of points that are somewhat valid here’ i'm sorry your shipper mutuals will call you a rape apologist if you don't do all that whenever you rb an anissa post (you should probably unfollow them and get a social circle that isn't as coercive. i'm dead serious.)

you know why i'm saying this in the first place? yesterday i had an irl friend who came to the same conclusions as me totally separately (she didn't even know i liked invincible till a few weeks ago!) say she talked about some of the things we discussed to her friend group and they also all agreed. and then i talked to another irl who also came to the same conclusions separately from me. like the patently offline invincible fanbase does not look at that young brown girl who prompts every character to go 'OH WOW SHE'S REALLY SCARY AND DANGEROUS SHE'S GONNA HURT MARK BAD--OH WAIT WOW SHE DIDN'T--THAT'S CRAZY THAT'S UNEXPECTED--OH MY GOD IT'S BECAUSE OF SOMETHING MARK SAID THAT SHOOK HER' and go. hrm that sounds like the trappings of a raper. like ‘backs off from committing a violation’ sets her apart from the systemic structures that generation sexual asasult and from the male viltrumites and her comic counterpart AND ‘cold and emotionally and focally distant’ sets her apart from kirkman's (and animation in general's) visual synecdoches to indicate assault. as ANOTHER friend + mutual put it like three months ago, 'her not making a choice that is opposite of what she does in the comics is not foreshadowing for her making that choice.'

and like sorry for ranting i guess but it's just like. it's tiresome man. you know i got like jokes and shit i wanna say without it polluting my genuine takes because i am the only person on tumblr who cares about this. all i SHOULD gotta say is "look at her skin tone. it's darker than yours i reckon! look at her features. they're not exactly european!" but instead i gotta do all this!

^ screenshots in three different lighting conditions + model sheet + sprite and model from that fuckass mobile game.

[zeb-z]

to be fair, I don't think qroier not trusting qbad is particularly new haha. i think it's been going on for a while even before purgatory. the only thing purgatory did with that particularly relationship is it gave qroier an excuse to be more vocal in his annoyance

( @lucienff the themes of these are similar so I’m answering the ask and responding in one post instead of the comments, hope you don’t mind :3 )

I agree with the read that Roier didn’t particularly trust Bad before, but I think that at a baseline, Roier doesn’t have much trust with most anyone to begin with. I think everything that had happened with Spreen back in the beginning of the server is something that is a large cause in that, because its still something he is suffering from months later - it’s just in true Roier fashion, it’s something he doesn’t really talk about to others. He’s only recently shared it and talked about it with Cellbit.

But even then, he had a respect for Bad. When the eggs first went missing, and they were both visibly affected by the stress, they had moments of somewhat acknowledging the other, but sticking to the script of “oh I’m fine” yknow what I mean? And before purgatory, yeah, there was no doubt that Bad cared for the eggs, and could be trusted in that regard.

But post Purgatory, I think that baseline trust has been shaken. He doesn’t let Bad see Pepito when he visited the castle, makes excuses for him to leave, and then afterwards talks to himself about how he’s angry that everyone seems to have forgotten Purgatory (both in the context that he also doesn’t trust Pepito, and he doesn’t want Bad coming up to him as if the past two weeks didn’t happen). When Leo wakes up, and Bad is around trying to talk with them, he makes a point of pulling her away. Of putting himself between Leo and Bad. And it’s in the subtle, usual jesting way he’s done before with Bad (“you can only drink lava once yknow. sure, try it, I’m not going though!” and “stranger danger Leo, stranger danger!” etc etc. said with enough dramatics it keeps it lighthearted, because that’s what Roier does).

I don’t think Roier is actively thinking he should mistrust Bad with the eggs specifically. I don’t think that he thinks Bad doesn’t care about the eggs. I just think he hasn’t fully trusted Bad before, and now since Purgatory he doesn’t trust him at all, for good reason - Bad was very much an instigator and a cause for both his own torment and his family’s (Jaiden namely, what with the spawn killing, and Cellbit, Foolish). It’s no longer a ‘this guy is a thorn in my side and I don’t trust him’ kinda petty drama between islanders. It’s a ‘this guy went back on the deal to keep the score 50/50 and did so under the impression we as the losing team could die’ kind of situation. A ‘we spent the past few weeks in hell and this guy repeatedly not only killed, but went over the top in tormenting my family and myself, I don’t trust him’ kind of situation. It’s not an excuse to be petty or properly annoyed, it’s a result of how Bad burned all his bridges in purgatory. It’s in large part a trauma response.

It doesn’t matter that Bad has never once been a threat to Leo, that he’s taken care of her multiple times, that he has always checked in with the eggs and cared for them - it matters that Leo is his sister, that Pepito is under his care, and he Does Not Trust Bad.

[hkeroro]

ep5 thoughts

inconsistency very much present throughout the episode

i swear if half of the scenes are just fillers there’s no need to keep the 1hr 30mins format

the sudden villain profiling for seokhyeong’s mom?? shinhye accused of stealing her ring (my bet is shinhye was just taking back what was hers - the dowry)

the fact that we get like 20 mins of that w no proper resolution bcs suddenly it’s a timeskip???

i kind of get the point of the whole scene bcs it wants to amplify seokhyeong’s apprehension towards relationships (the whole his family being the in laws from hell trope?) but its like okay thanks for that what are we the viewers gonna do that w that info?

i feel like it merely just adds on to his characterization??

but him not pushing minha away when she confesses and let’s her try again, ok that was CUTE 🥺

BUT OK PRIOR TO TIMESKIP HOW MANY TIMES DID SHE TRY AGAIN?? will it still be a addressed in future eps (feels a bit weird if its bcs it’s been a year hello?) or forgotten huhu

only other standout scene was eunji’s mom and how the parents will donate every year under the name of the heart donor, sooo soo precious and thoughtful uwu

also plss can we get progress on ikjun and songhwaaaaa (i love them tgt as besties or sth more but i wanna see how things are set up for them ACKK)

honestly dunno how to feel abt the gyeoul scene too……..ppl on twt are picking on straws saying her prompt action was correlated to her being in a busive household tooo??? im sorry but seems like a stretch?

personally feel like it wasnt ooc too bcs we’ve seen time a few times of how gyeoul kind of just goes into stuff bcs she feels it was the right course of action at the time? debatable on how we view it as right or wrong (kind of like s1 where jeongwon and ikjun have diff responses to her actions yknow)

but also like i feel her being more reserved abt her feelings (not towards jeongwon but in general) and not opening up as much is gonna be a theme they explore in the next episodes since jeongwon (who’s highlyyyy perceptive) keeps bringing it up

but also the next ep is alr a timeskip LIKE MINHAS SITUATION ARE THEY GONNA ADDRESS IT OR PRETEND ITS NOTHING BCS ITS BEEN A YEAR? 🤨

idk its just so weird if it is gonna be addressed bcs it’ll be like, bruh it’s a year and they still havent resolved that issue, kind of thing no?

timeskips if used correctly make up the whole show but like everything else this season that also seemed outta place to me??? i very much welcome a timeskip but maybe a few months later instead since there’s a few things i’d like a resolution on before everyone moves on?? anyways

NEW INTERNS AND RESIDENTS ACKKKK ESP FOR GS!

i’ve been lobbying for kang seungyoon (loml) to be gyeoul’s new GS resident for the LONGEST TIME (seungmin - the oc i created for seungyoon has been a staple in almost all my fics plEASEEEE) and it’s so sad he won’t be there since he taesoon(?) in racket boys

🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯hoping for an OST still 🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯

BUT LEE JONGWON??? OK IM LISTENING

ending the rant with the fact that im always so close to dropping the show but it always leaves me back coming from more (w the guise of maybe next week’s ep will be better and LEE JONGWON)

[sootygoggles]

Parent!Paranoia Sanders Sides AU!

No explanation, but I'll probably give the backstory later. For now: memes of Paranoia being an A-class parent and a chaos gremlin. (okay it started as memes but then just ended up as fleshing the AU out)

~~

Paranoia, worried abt his kids: I'm uhhhh gonna go to my room see ya later light sides

Paranoia, sneaking back into the subconscious to check on his now teenaged children: I'm gonna leave duke a r a t that I found and thought looked cool

Duke, waking up the next morning and yelling for 'Nesty bc "HOLY CRAP NESTY LOOK AT THIS RAT ISN'T SHE ADORABLE I WANNA HANG HER ON THE WALL": !!!!!!!!!!

~~

Paranoia gets a habit of sitting on the fridge because his children were wild as kids and sometimes duke comin at you with a knife warrants jumping onto counters

~~

Nesty, who doesnt get paid to deal with duke: I'm raiding dads liquor cabinet it's my due for putting up with this

Paranoia, physically manifesting: put the key to the liquor cabinet D O W N, Honesty

~~

The lights are confused as to why he disappears at random times of the day and night and he just "leave me TF alone before I leave you a goshdarn diddly P R E S E N T while youre sleeping I'm tired"

~~

patton: my child! my dark strange son!!

paranoia, who has children: ,,,,yea ok

~~

Patton ticks him off so he leaves a big halloween decor spider on his bed and nobody sleeps for weeks after that bc pattons too scared to touch it and paranoia maybeperhaps glued it onto his cover

~~

He's like one of those people you know might mean well but ooooooo boy theyre pushin buttons

~~

Paranoia, whos fav animal/insect is spiders and whose children have tarantulas and snakes on the regular: hes not even realistic!! You need to learn to get along with mr sparkles patton!! look at him. he's fluffy!

~~

He has googly eyes and glitter on him at all times of course hes named mr sparkles

~~

paranoia gets to be a little petty. as a treat

~~

Paranoia just carries bags of glitter around and whenever mr sparkles gets duller he takes mr sparkles to the kitchen counter and he dumps glitter on him

Logan and patton are tired of cleaning up bc paranoias just petty enough to make their counters eternally sparkly

~~

"why is there glitter all over the kitchen?"

paranoia, holding mr sparkles: :)

~~

Paranoia, after AA: I hate purple but they dont know that now do they

Paranoia is actually orange the last side is purple lol

~~

Chaos Gremlin dark sides and nobody is surprised bc paranoia raised them

~~

paranoia, going back to see his teen children after acting like a teen all day: what is up, fellow kids

honesty: i am going to lose it

~~

Wrath, coming to yell at them to keep it down: why are you purple I'm purple

Paranoia, cackling bc finally I can get out of this horrible color: *snaps fingers * I'M PARANOIA MOTHERTRUCKERS HAVE FUUUNNNNN I'M GONNA BE MAKING YOUR LIVES LIVING HELL FROM THIS POINT FORWARDS

~~

duke and nesty, pumped for halloween bc u l t i m a t e s p o o k: :D

paranoia, coming out in a traffic cone costume with a shit eating grin on his face: :D

~~

Paranoia, decorating for halloween bc "oh I'm sorry it's just the *sniffles * homesickness and we a l w a y s decorated for halloween" knowing full well all of his decorations are spider and witch themed bc they all like the salem witch trials

~~

He leaves ONE fake snake in romans cereal and the lights just. Lose it. Hes kicked back into the subconscious to be chaotic with his kids, no new side, just the hours upon hours of film hes gotten from the bugs hed placed around the unconscious and a plan for the next several movie nights

He gets back and honesty is w h e e z i n g bc he was watching through the cracks and they make a fail compilation of the light sides

It takes like two months for the lights to just go insane with him around not due to yknow paranoia but bc hes such a gremlin

~~

Patton asks if he was raised by wolves and he shoves mr sparkles at patton saying "take the issue of how I was raised up with my father, a-hole!!"

He doesnt actually curse he just yells "A-HOLE" so loud his kids can hear

~~

They dont find out he's a dad until hes summoned and hes making cookies or smt with the kids and hes in a bright orange stereotypical witch outfit,,, corset and all and an apron that says "worlds most chaotic dad" on the front

And hes talking to one of the kids like "duke you can only put dish soap in your batch nesty cant digest it like you can"

~~

Patton has an apron that says worlds least chaotic 'dad' courtesy of paranoia he made it himself(read: he stole pattons good apron and scribbled over it in sharpie)

~~

Paranoia is always close to cackling when around the lights bc theyre newbs to any chaos

~~

Roman and remus are twins but roman is the kind of kid to promptly forget abt anyone and logan n patton knew remus less than a day before he "disappeared" aka ran to the subconscious to explore and theyve just kinda blocked him out

~~

Logans fine with it and actually likes the decorations tho he has asked if they had to be so brightly coloured and if there had to be so much glitter

I say decorations but hes a secret gremlin at heart and is super close to snickering at all times bc of the pranks

~~

Also yes paranoia mildly dads roman it's great but he dads in an older sibling type way

~~

So pat and logan are all "hes fitting in as an older brother well" and they tell him abt their approval of his older brother chaos and hes just like "no this is how I am deal with it nothing to do with brothers" bc hes not telling them abt his kids he doesnt trust them

~~

Hes up at like midnight complaining with logan abt how patton doesnt let him be full chaos gremlin and logan says "mmmhmm did your parents in the dark side let you go wild with the chaos" and paranoia just,,,,, looks at him, dead in the eyes, and says "I dont have parents"

Cue logan being confusion

Paranoia, who genuinely didn't have parents: my parents are mr sparkles and the cat we've had for my entire life

Logan, who doesnt know they had a cat and is now worried bc "are you taking care of it???": ???

Paranoia: it's great for keeping the Others in line tho I just say "do your chores or no snuggle time with ms peregrin" and they do their chores while I'm making dinner

logan, incredibly confused: i don't know what you mean but ok

Paranoia: yeah theyre dumb but it's the level of dumb youd expect from my idiots

~~

Or he slips up and refers to them as his children/kids and logan, not realizing they have an Actual Father/Sons relationship/age difference(paranoias abt.late 20s early 30s, remus defies all logic and has been about 9-10 for a few years now, and dees like early teens) just says "huh how.interesting would it be to have to deal with people your age that immature" and paranoias just. "Y e a h t h e y r e t o t a l l y t h e s a m e a g e a s I a m"

~~

Duke is very much baby and upon seeing duke eating glue paranoia and honesty the idiots decided to try it too

theyre so dumb dsdhdhdhjsdh

They AREEE and paranoia, after discovering that duke has the h a r d i e s t immune system they decide to test exactly what he can and cannot safely eat bc he may be dumb but hes also def a Dad and he just wants to take care of his kids and if that includes making sure that duke can safely consume toilet bleach then so be it

Duke can eat almost anything short of actual cyanide but cyanide just makes him sick like stomach bug sick

He somehow gets a fever,,,,, he has it for like half an hour and paranoia is amazed

Hes in bed,,,,, paranoia makes him soup,,,,,, hes all better and running around again

~~

Paranoias parenting rules:

Dont murder your brothers pls

Do your chores or no snuggle time with ms peregrin

Glitter is always a yes

Insults are fine just make sure you dont overstep and make your brothers insecure

all of them are printed and then the last one is scrawled at the bottom in

If you get sick, tell him immediately bc he will find out and he will be the most obsessive parent to make sure you feel better ASAP

If your pronouns/name/function change, tell him immediately, he'll make sure you dont feel uncomfortable as well as he can

Duke dont put dish soap in honestys baked goods you know he cant digest it

It's a nice system for making chaos but keeping it manageable

They're all printed then the last one's scrawled in glitter gel pen and duke wrote a reply that said (I'm sorry yall dont have as good an immune system as I do)

There was a whole passive aggressive arguement on the bulletin for the next week before it got taken down to make room for dukes art

They eventually started just putting them up over each other and using magnets instead of thumbtacks

The entire bottom portion of the walls are painted in chalkboard paint so theres no unerasable drawing on the walls and the rest of the paint is magnetic so they can hang pieces everywhere

Dukes improving rapidly tho and doesnt like looking at his old art all the time so paranoia holds onto the drawings in several filing cabinets in case he ever wants to do redraws or needs his original prints to make something in the Imagination

also bc,,, sentimental

jus a little

Yeah bc "yes my child draws nothing but blood gore and new animals but hes a creative genius and I love all of his art"

~~

Roman: anxiety I can see why you left

Paranoia: ??? What?? It's spoopy season??

Roman: there was BLOOD on the WALLS

Paranoia, internally: oh!!!! Duke perfected his blood recipe!!!!

Paranoia, externally: how did it taste?

Roman: WHO TASTES THE BLOOD ON THE WALLS?!?!

Paranoia: if it tasted like lemons or citrus you need to stay off of most foods, stick to crackers and broth- don't eat anything heavy until you're sure you wont throw it up

Patton, who was making cereal: ????

~~

Also!!!! @iliveinprocrasti-nation Thanks for helping me flesh this AU out!!!

[beelziebabie]

The First (Human) Deviltuber - Obey Me Brothers x Reader

Interactive?: At some parts, yes (Later on)

Gender: Female MC

Edited?: Yep

Notes: I forgot to post this yesterday, whoops. sorry for the late update!💞💗

CHAPTER ONE

“Lucifer, please. You’re the only one Diavolo really listens to!” You begged, standing in front of him with your hands clasped together. He only hummed in reply, continuing to flip through a page of his book. He sat with his leg crossed over the other in the large cushioned chair as soft music played in the background. The calm environment didn’t match the state you were in at the moment whatsoever.

“That’s incorrect,” He said, glancing up at you. “He tends to listen to Barbatos as well,” Lucifer looked back to his book and flipped another page.

“Ugh!” You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms, starting to pace in front of him. He watched you out the corner of his eye, an eyebrow raised.

“My babies are probably so worried. I've been gone for two months, Lucifer! Two months!” You raised your voice a bit more than usual and this got Lucifer’s attention. The entire time you were here, he has never heard you yell at all.

“The media is probably going crazy! I suddenly go missing with no trace? That makes zero sense!” You watched him put his book to the side. He rested his hands on the armrests of the chair and said nothing.

“So please,” You lowered your voice once you realized how loud you were being, “I-I need to go back to the human world to clear things up.”

Luci sighed softly and stood up from the seat. He was already taller than you sitting down, so he is basically towering over you when he stands up.

He held his hands behind his back and watched as you gulped anxiously. He laughed lightly, leaning down to your height. Somehow he was invading your space, but not at the same time.

“No,” He said simply, sharply.

Promptly, your jaw dropped. Luci fell back into his chair and picked up his book again with a small smirk on his face.

“You are so unfair,” You muttered and left the music-filled library. He ignored your little tantrum.

. . .

“Asmo! Get off of her!” Mammon grumbled, latching onto Asmodeus’ arm and pulling. He didn’t budge.

You sat on the bed with your legs crossed underneath you, Asmodeus’ arms wrapped around your torso and his head resting on your shoulder. You leaned back into his chest with a heavy sigh.

“Mammon, it’s fine,” You chuckled gingerly and shook your head. “I don't mind. This is actually really comfortable.”

Asmodeus grinned and pulled you closer to himself. “See, Mammon? She loves it! Why wouldn’t she enjoy being in my arms, mm?” Mammon grunted and sat next to the two of you on your bed with his arms crossed.

There was a knock at your bedroom door. “Come in!” You called out and the door opened.

Beelzebub entered with Satan following after. “Levi is coming. He has to finish this game he’s playing, he said it would only take about five minutes,” Beel said, sitting in one of the bean bags in the corner of your room. You nodded.

You slithered out of Asmodeus’ arms for a moment, reaching underneath your bed and pulling out a container of snacks you took from the kitchen. You tossed Beelzebub a couple bags of chips and he caught each one of them.

You leaned back on your bed, your back against the backboard of the bed as you waited for the last brother you called to come.

Mammon moved up to sit next to you and Asmodeus did the same, but instead rested his head on your chest. You raised your hand up and rested it in his hair. You glanced over to Mammon and his expression looked kinda..painful. You put your hand in his hair as well and you felt him flinch.

“So MC,” Satan started, sitting in the chair at your work desk. “Why did you call us all to your room?” Beelzebub hummed as a way to say ‘Oh yeah’.

“You all know how I’m a Youtuber in the human world right?” You saw them nod and you took this as a signal to continue. Just when you were about to speak, Leviathan walked in.

“I’m here!” He said quickly, closing the door and leaning against the wall. You smiled at him and waved.

“Hi, Levi. Anyways, I’m a fairly big Youtuber, at least I think I am..” You bit the inside of your cheek a bit and looked up at the brothers.

“Wait wait wait, how big is big?” Levi asked.

“25-“

“Pff, that isn't a lot.”

“Million.”

“O h .”

“Yeah,” You laughed lightly and shook your head. “But, my fanbase is probably going crazy right now... I’ve been gone for two months now. I’ve been trying to convince Lucifer and Diavolo to let me go to the human world to let them know I’m okay, but that hasn’t worked as you can see.”

You sat up abruptly and accidentally woke up Asmodeus. Though you didn’t notice.

“But! I have an idea!” You slid off the bed and stood in the middle of the room, your hands on your hips.

“And that is?” Satan asked.

“We can go on a trip to the human world! We pack enough stuff to leave for a week or two, that’ll give me enough time to make a couple of youtube videos to make up for the time lost, and since I bet you guys haven’t been in the human world in a while, we can go to different theme parks or something! I can show you all around!”

You beamed at all of them. After a couple of moments of silence, Beelzebub spoke up. “Okay. But what does Lucifer think about this?”

You laughed nervously. “Ha ha.. uhh... I was hoping that we could overpower him, yknow..” Beelzebub hummed.

“We definitely can. Power in numbers,” Satan added. Your smile grew wider again.

“Thank you guys so so much, you don’t understand how much this means to me...!” You clasped your hands together and bounced on the balls of your feet.

You opened your arms and welcomed them all for a hug. “🥺?”

Asmodeus was quick to wrap his arms around your waist and you did the same to him. Mammon swiftly got up and hugged your torso from behind. Satan preferred to stay back and watch and so did Levi. But Beel enveloped all three of you into his chest.

Asmodeus whined. “This was supposed to be just me and MC!”

“Hey! You think you can hog her all to yourself?! Let go!”

“No! Get your greedy hands off of her! You’ll taint her delicate skin!”

“You’d probably grope her!”

“I would never! Without consent, at least.”

. . .

[pinkysfaultorbrainsfault]

animaniacs - s4e8: mindy in wonderland

episode summary: a lighthearted episode about mindy chasing a rabbit down a hole in the tree she’s always tied to, and ending up in a magical, literary dreamland. there’s no mice, but it’s fun, and takes up the whole runtime, and-- what? no, i-- look, it’s just-- i don’t--

sir, you don’t pay me at all--

alright fine ugh ughghghguhgughgu ugh.

great.

episode summary: the hip hippos are expecting a baby! unfortunately, ordering babies off the internet instead of concieving them through, like, hippo sex? appears to have its’ downsides, and instead they are presented with.... brain.

look, i don’t know either, okay? i’m dragging my hands down my face as we speak.

the rundown:

we open with the stork.

“i got a very special delivery! the rockefellers have been waiting weeks for this one.” he pronounces it “spatial”, probably because he’s high out of his mind. this is not a sober bird. please don’t drop that baby, my dude. that’s going to cause more problems than it solves, really.

spoke too soon, i guess.

unfortunately for him, our dude does exactly that, and ends up taking a bit of a tumble. gets all dizzy. this does not bode well for the plot. or the wellbeing of the baby, actually!

hold up. computer, zoom, enhance.

hmmm. that is a very familiar tiny face. troubling. anyway our resident avian expert on drugs seems to have survived his accident, and drops the baby off to the rockefellers with no further trouble.

they seem to look more. hippo shaped than usual.

“congratulations! you’re new parents!”

you’re welcome, weird stoner bird. they slam the door on him, wordlessly exacerbating his injuries. they care not for his plight, only that of their dearest, darling... not very.... hippo sized...................... baby.

hm.

“oh flavio! darling! a baby of our own, just look at him! let us call him--”

“--alfredo!”

“goo.”

alright. as existentially horrifying as this episode is, i laughed. maurice lemarche, completely dead in the face, sits in the recording booth, stretches his shoulders. “goo.” he says. deadpan. no intonation whatsoever. the audience cheers and he is given a thousand dollars.

i don’t know what it is about brain saying basically anything that appeals to my sense of humour so much. jockey for position basically did me in. i just. every time he says “goo.” i am in TEARS.

the hippos seem to have lost their enthusiasm, as anyone would have if they heard the voice of a grown man come out of their newborn baby.

“he’s... small. very small.”

“goo.”

still, marita sympathises with him. this is very definitely her child, after all! she steals him away to do mom things with, chastising flavio that ‘alfredo’ is “their little boy.”

“oh, you are right, my lightbulb of love. now our little universe has expanded to three.”

yeah, don’t include your.... shoulder... birds, then. asshole.

it’s very cute, i’ll say that. for all the fuss i make about the hippos, they do love each other, in a very healthy way that you don’t often see with married couples on tv. like, they’re kind of slowdancing their way out of the room. it’s nice! they would make good parents.

(”goo.” says brain, in the background, oblivious to the heterosexuality happening around him. “now, take me to my money.”)

credit to flavio and marita; they are very well prepared. this is a very loved baby. i’m not entirely sure how any child would feel about the presence of Clown Bear, but it’s the thought that counts. also i know that’s a changing table? but the design is sick and i wouldn’t mind a chest of drawers like that.

there’s also a theatre, i guess. or..... maybe just a really fancy shower???

Definitely Alfredo is gently placed on his little Alfredo Table. he appears to be asleep, or at least he’s deliberately choosing to keep his eyes closed. can’t think why.

but he, ah. sure went all out for this one. i respect brain for his dedication to the craft.

“now, sweet baby alfredo,” says marita, while the music does a terrifying swell in the background, for some reason, “it is time for your first bath.”

please stop looking at me like that, marita. YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO BATHING. am i about to be inducted into the alfredo cult?? i am, admittedly, a manlet, but i would like to think i am also unmistakably larger than a baby hippo.

(google has no data about the height of a baby hippo, apparently. they do weigh about 100lbs at birth, though, so i guess i have to be careful with this losing weight shtick. not that i’m ever gonna weigh 100lbs, quite frankly, but the minute i do marita’s gonna climb through my window and steal me off to los angeles.)

(i’m terrified.) (on the other hand, they’re definitely going to give me back as soon as they work out how much my medication costs over there.)

i’m literally babbling nonsense, at this point. anyway. brain gets a bath.

remember to Wosh U Mouse. wash he teeth and soul. marita proclaims excitedly that “babies love the bath”, and Definitely Alfredo is Definitely Enjoying Himself, judging by the screaming, so, yknow, good for him.

and then, i guess, flavio just pours boiling water on him for no reason, so brain freaks out and launches himself into the light fitting.

because wouldn’t anybody?

the hippos freak out a bit when the lights stop working, but soon get brain back down to resume their usual Alfredo Activities.

“this is highly undignified.”

but still, marita loves him.

and then she stabs him in the dick, i guess.

“GAH.”

“oops ):”

fortunately, nobody ever died of getting stabbed in the dick (as far as i know?) but even magical babies delivered by amazon need to get their vitals checked, so flavita take him to the hospital anyway.

bomf.

i’ll be dead honest with you, this scene is just torture porn. i’ll summarise it as best i can.

temperature is fine. blood pressure is normal. i am pretty sure inflating babies is not standard medical practice, but brain is cosmically unable to have a good day or he dies, i guess.

the doctor shows up.

“oh, but you’re a cutie. say aaaah.”

“if you think that you’re going to stick that thing in my--”

it’s not very comfortable.

“hmm. rather puny.”

“you have to feed him more.”

NOW LET’S TEST YOUR REFLEXES

i’m pretty sure this man has never been to medical school.

“and now to vaccinate. my, that’s a lot of zeros.”

my, that’s a... screenshot that lives on my laptop now, i guess. hopefully nobody i know ever has to borrow this thing, for whatever reason.

“i’ll see you in three months for a booster shot,” says dr acme, as brain swells and changes colours in a way that no baby ever should.

i feel like this is a good time to interject - my issue with this episode is not the core themes, or anything surrounding them. it’s the amount of unrestrained suffering that goes on within that. like. okay. if this was some kind of consensual dynamic between the three of them for-- whatever reason???? stress?????? - like i wouldn’t mind. i wouldn’t care. consenting adults can do whatever they want with their bodies. this is a positive space. no judgement here on pinkys fault or brains fault dot com.

but it’s not and brain spends most of the episode in pain and terrified and that’s really what i object to above all else. it’s the same problem i have with peatb, really. brain can wear as many cute dresses as he wants, but he’s gotta want to wear them.

but they’re back at the Hippo Digs now so. it’s fine, i guess.

“such a good boy. that trip to the doctor wasn’t so bad, was it?”

hm.

still, it appears i can never escape Terrifying News Lady, even in this hellscape. flavio does the classic dad thing of sitting down with the tv as soon as he’s home, leaving marita to deal with getting Definitely Alfredo settled in his correctly-sized-for-a-baby-hippo baby chair.

what are those straps connected to, anyway??? it’s not the chair, that’s for sure. is brain just wearing a harness for the hell of it? what on earth is going on?

but flavio! it’s time to feed the baby!

“is baby-waby hungry-wungry?” well are you, cranky big head mousie??? huh????

sorry for the paralysing fear that probably caused all of you. undeterred, the terrifying news lady continues to talk in the background about the “richest and most influential child in the world.”

oh no.

oh no.

flavio vaguely wonders if they waited too long to feed their baby, as he has what could be possibly classified as a tantrum.

“you sophomoric, corpulent, pachycerebal aristrocrats! you are imposters and i demand to be taken to the rockefellers immediately!”

the birds don’t care. they’re chilling. marita attributes this to “baby gibberish” while flavio wonders about the “vocabulary he learnt from mr rogers”. he’s maybe a few hours old, at this point, a day tops, but i guess hippos learn latin in pre-k or something.

anyway so then they stick a tube down his throat and inflate him with guacamole.

and with that, “alfredo looks healthier already!”

this is the second time brain has been inflated in this episode. it is unsurprising that he dedicates his nights from this point to raising absolute hell.

but he needs pats first because he ate too much. :<

cut to that night, i guess! where brain is very convincingly crying. very loudly. the hippos look unimpressed, despite the fact that this is literally the most common factor of signing up for a baby.

“it’s the baby. you take care of him.”

well. alright.

air mouse. nyoom. he seems to catapult himself at something, like, once per episode. it’s on par with the closeups by now, surely.

bomp.

unfortunately, the bear is not weightbearing (bear ing. lol) and falls off the shelf on an epic quest for a Great Big Hug.

the resulting bomp alerts the hippos, who go fully, entirely haywire the moment they work out that Definitely Alfredo is not in his correctly-sized-for-a-baby-hippo baby bed.

turns out flavio sat on him.

“really, flavio, be more careful where you sit.”

so they put a padlock on his crib.

this is completely useless. i know this. brain knows this. he’s small enough to just... fit through the bars. but he decides to be dramatic, instead, because that’s what he does best.

“attica! attica! i want out! let me out!”

i am not old enough to get this reference.

i am, however, old enough to empathise with this exact emotion. i feel kind of bad for the hippos, actually. i’m sure they were doing what they thought was... right? in the context of... thinking they had a baby hippo rather than an adult mouse. easy mistake to make. i go check on my weirdly tiny hippos in their hippo cage all the time.

but who could be at the door?

“there seems to have been a mix up. uh. i have your baby right here.”

and guys?

i need to tell you how fast they just throw brain at the guy. it’s actually a little heartbreaking.

but! it’s okay! he still has time to make it to the rockefellers before they......... die. i guess.

man, this plan was not thought out very well.

conclusion:

thank god this is almost over.

the stork repackages the baby, who is now a good few hours old, at least, and delivers the bundle to the very, very different looking house.

they are not any nicer.

“oh, reggie. just look at him.”

“goo.”

“well, frau haussenheffer, we’re off on a cruise. goodbye baby. see you in a year.”

parenting!

“alright then. staff, we have a brand new charge.”

oh dear.

brain, as one can imagine, is having none of this.

but unfortunately, neither is the carpet.

bomp. cause of death: suffocating in the rockefeller mansion carpet.

good thing it all sort of blurs out, huh.

“brain?” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA “brain.” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA “brain, wake up.”

“i was dreaming?”

oh, thank god for that.

“oh, pinky, you wouldn’t believe the nightmare i had.” and it’s... probably best not to tell him, actually.

“it must have been a doozy, brain! but, oh, a delivery came for you.”

“it’s the rockefeller baby. can we keep it?”

oh dear.

so let’s ignore the fact that this asks more questions than it answers-- but okay, was that a dream within a dream, and why was brain dreaming about that in the first place, and-- and mark this one down as a severe case of outside influence.

brain: 3 ½ pinky: 5 ½ outside influence: 10

“it’s not too late. i demand that you deliver me to the rockefellers immediately!”

“

“aw, how cute. i just love baby gibberish.”

[thotsforvillainrights]

~Getting Back on the Market (1/2)~

(It’s a 2-parter baby!!!!)

Au: Nemoto Family

Part: Five

Theme: Fluff/Comedy

The clock ticked away on the wall but he hardly noticed with the speed he was working at. A few minutes from now and he would be finished early. If he finished early then he would have time to pick up dinner instead of cooking it before he needed to pick up Naki from school. In fact, Shin began to almost get lost thinking of all the things he really had to do both today and tomorrow. Perhaps for today the best thing to do would be to play it safe and stick to the plan of picking up the dinner. Then tomorrow he’d grocery shop and-

“Excuse me, Mr. Nemoto?” A familiar voice rung out, effectively pulling him from his own thoughts. He looked up to see her. Kay, a woman with a sweet smile and fairly dazzling curves. Not to mention the entrancing curls that framed her head like a crown almost. Oh great...he was certainly distracted now. “I’m sorry to bother you with all this but I really have no idea  where to find this customer’s statement sheet for the month and they seem to be getting antsy.” She nervously pointed behind her. He curved to discreetly look around her at the grumpy customer sitting in front of her desk. “Ohhh...he looks like he might bust a blood vessel any moment now.” He quietly joked with her, helping to loosen the tension she must’ve been carrying. “Lemme me handle it, okay?” He reassured her as he stood up and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. She hesitated for a moment before complying and letting him handle it. 

“Well it took a little longer than I intended, but he’s finally out of here. Good thing too because I thought I was gonna have to call security.” Nemoto joked with her and she laughed. “Thank you so much Mr. Nemoto for your help. I really owe you one.” She smiled at him and he could feel his world shift just a bit. “Oh it’s no big deal, don’t worry. Oh and you don’t have to call me Mr. Nemoto yknow. We’re the same age haha. Just call me Shin.”

“Okay...thank you Shin.” There she goes again with that damned smile. He watched Kay walk all the way to her desk before he gathered himself enough to clock out. “What was that Shin?” He talked to himself once he was outside in his own car. Time passed to quickly while he was in there helping out. Now he had to get Naki from school BEFORE he picked up dinner instead of after. He sighed and started up the car to head towards her school. By the time he got there, she was waiting outside on the steps next to that boy she keeps bringing home. Nemoto glared for a second before gathering himself with the memory that the young man hasn’t crossed the line just yet. “He’s in the green right now Shin, just relax...” He mumbled to himself as he gripped the steering wheel. Finally Naki looked up and noticed her father was there. “Alright Senzu, I’ll try to talk him into it but there’s no guarantee that he’ll let me go. Wish me luck.” She winked at the boy and he blushed hard as she walked away. Once inside the car Nemoto immediately pulled off, not even offering the boy a ride home in case he needed it. “Naki you’re still talking to that boy?” Shin furrowed his brows while his daughter groaned in annoyance. “Come on dad, he literally took me on a date last week. You’re not getting rid of him that easily, he’s been dating me for at least 2 months now.” Shin sighed and kept driving. “Well I suppose so. Anyway, I hope you don’t mind if I head to the grocery store real quick. I was going to pick up dinner and grocery shop tomorrow, but things ended up running over at work. I might as well cook tonight.” Naki nodded and began typing on her phone until they made it to the store. Once inside, Nemoto pulled out his grocery list, coupon booklet, and his pen. Naki knew the drill as she just walked alongside him, scrolling through her phone. “I’ll never understand how it’s possible for you kids to just scroll through your phone without looking in front of you. How can you see where you’re walking?” Naki sighed and kept scrolling while Shin chuckled. “Sheesh, dad doesn’t even get an answer anymore? Cold world. Teens are cold, cold people.” He joked when suddenly his cart slammed into another. 

“Oh no! My apologies!!!” 

“Shin?”

He looked up and his eyes met with that sea of gold he couldn’t dare look away from. “Kay?” Naki looked up from her phone and slowly smiled mischievously. “Oh shit...this is way more interesting than Snap Streaks...” She whispered to herself as she slipped her phone into her pocket. “I’m sorry I ran into you like that!” Nemoto apologized again and Kay simply rubbed the back of her head and laughed nervously. “Oh no! It’s mostly my fault! I wasn’t really looking where I was going haha.” Naki continued listening intently on the conversation before her. “Well I’d call that a simple mistake but someone else might ask for your shopping cart insurance ha ha.”

“Wow dad that joke was lame.” Naki leaned up to whisper in his ear, and he blushed from embarrassment. “Ha insurance! I certainly hope not!” She laughed until she snorted a bit and Nemoto’s lip turned up into a smile. “Listen Shin...I uh, I’m glad I got to see you again today. I was thinking about how to repay you for work earlier. Even though you said it was no big deal, I still want to repay your kindness so I was thinking maybe we could go get lunch at a deli downtown on me?” Kay scratched her arm and looked away shyly. “Oh I...I uh...well I...”

“HE’D LOVE TO! Say this Sunday even?” Naki butted into the conversation. “Sunday is a perfect day! Well...see you then.” Kay bid them a sweet goodbye and Shin slowly turned towards Naki to glare in annoyance. “Dad?! What? Oh my God, she’s totally got the hots for you! I mean, she laughed at your shitty joke and everything!”

“Okay Naki, One: That joke was not shitty. Two: Watch your language. And Three: I didn’t see that as a date and I won’t accept it as one.”

“Ugh oh my God dad why???” 

“Now you’re being the annoying one.”

“Dad!”

“BECAUSE OF YOUR MOM! ...because of your mom okay? I feel so bad when I think about ever being on the market again. I loved her so much and I could never cheat on her.”

“Dad no offense, and I love mom so much by the way, but she’s gone. She’s never coming back and it hurts me deep...just as much as I know it hurts you. At the same time though, I’ve never seen you even look at a woman the way you did with that lady earlier. It was like that face I make when I see my favorite band member go up on Instagram Live. You’re definitely in love with her.”

“I’m more in love with macaroni, now go to aisle 7 and get a box for me.” He grumbled and Naki rolled her eyes.

“Fine, but only if you actually consider the date.”

“Ugh...very well. Now please cooperate Naki so we can get home and I can start dinner please?” Nemoto asked in a defeated tone. Naki did a little victory shuffle before heading to aisle 7 and picking up dinner ingredients, leaving Shin alone to instantly regret his decision. 

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

Instagram: @pastelbattydraws & @pastelbattystore

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRNMJH7vHL7APNobUykhK4w?view_as=subscriber

[meggannn]

LOL YOUR ROOMMATE?? I can't stop laughing omg

god did i ever share the full story of what happened with my housemate last year? i think i bitched about her a little bit but here’s the full write-up of my six months with that housemate. unedited and probably full of errors and discrepancies sorry cause im going off entirely from memory

i’ve now moved out of this apartment, but i was there for a year with three other girls. two of them i got along with fine, and we introduced ourselves to each other before we moved in because that’s common courtesy to see if we get along right? but basically before any of us could talk or interview candidates for the last spot in the apartment, this girl, i’m making up a name and calling her emily, this random girl named emily basically came in and signed on for the spot on the lease without talking to any of us. uh, okay? so we eventually all get in a group chat and talk and introduce ourselves and plan to move in. day one:  emily moved in before me and i moved in a few hours later. i walk in and see the kitchen and she’s already covered the fridge with magnets and pictures and paper clippings featuring…. herself. like, a few of them had her friends, but most of the pictures were of her. basically. am i crazy or is that fucking weird? so from the get-go she just seemed……. if not privileged (which i also knew she was later), then definitely some sort of weird type of entitled but i couldn’t tell if it was maybe just cultural differences? (she was russian but had grown up in the states. idk)

anyway. she had this boyfriend who would come over occasionally, it was no problem since we didn’t talk and just waved hi to each other occasionally. but from the first week she and another housemate who lived on the far end of the apartment were both having trouble sleeping because someone else on the floor was blaring their tv loudly all hours of the night in the room next door. after several weeks of not being able to sleep through the night, they’d pretty much had enough and managed to track down whose apartment it was, and it turned out to be this elderly black woman’s apartment. i don’t really know if the woman understood why they were so upset because i think she might have been going slightly senile as well, so i think maybe the tv, or the volume, was something she wasn’t entirely aware she was doing? but the other housemate, i’ll call her veronica (who is more chill but was still upset) understood that this was probably not a fight they wanted to pick. veronica noticed that the elderly woman had a middle-aged male visitor, who looked like family, come visit the woman a few times a week and take care of her/take out the trash etc, so veronica decided to wait until she saw the visitor again to talk to him about lowering the volume or turning the tv off, or maybe getting his relative headphones or something. but emily, like….. kept pushing it every single night. every single night for the first month or so she’d stomp across the floor and rap on the door loud enough to wake up the entire floor (the walls were thin and it wasn’t a big building). and most of the time the woman didn’t respond, but there was one notable time someone else got fed up enough to wake up at 2am and yell at emily (deservedly so) for waking up the whole hall. all of which i heard very clearly because my room was next to the main door to out apt.

things escalated when i overheard emily talking to her friend on the phone about the situation and then she mentioned that in retaliation, she went over in the middle of the night and put vaseline on the woman’s door handle. i was kind of stunned and disgusted that a grown ass adult (she’s at least a few years older than me, i’d guess late 20′s/early 30′s?) would do something like that???? but anyway a few nights later iirc, once again in the middle of the night, i was woken up by a shouting match down the hall because apparently the male relative had come back to check in on who he said was his mother, and HE WAS PISSED, UNDERSTANDABLY SO, AT FINDING MY ROOMMATE IN THE MIDDLE OF PUTTING VASELINE ON THE FLOOR CREVICE UNDER THE DOOR. LIKE. THAT’S NOT JUST PETTY BUT REAL FUCKING DANGEROUS TO DO TO AN ELDERLY WOMAN. he basically shouted at her and she kept talking about how she can’t sleep for months because of the noise, and whatever, but she stomped back to our apartment and they had this argument loudly at the door (remember, my room was right next to the front door). i listened to it for a couple minutes wondering if she would like, acknowledge what she did was wrong? and it became clear that she was so focused on the noise she wasn’t listening to this dude, so i came out and i tried to be a voice of reason. the guy was understandably really pissed that she would do something like that and i apologized for her and said she was wrong to do that (she had stomped off back to her room meanwhile) and he seemed grateful to talk to someone who wasn’t batshit crazy in the meantime so he mentioned that he had grown up in this building all his life before moving out so it hurt to see someone treat his mother this way who had lived here for 50 years or something. and after that i was just thinking like, jesus, this is so not the kind of fight you want to have with a family like this as a white woman in a gentrified apartment complex. like at some point you need to realize this is not your fucking place and if you must settle things, do it civilly or just dip out entirely.

i think emily eventually apologized and he accepted and they found out that the tv wasn’t even coming from the woman’s room at all, but from someone on the floor above who THEY also had had problems with for months.

veronica was away on a trip i think during this climax, but before, while it was still escalating, i was talking with veronica and veronica mentioned she and emily had bitched about the noise to each other often, but veronica said she drew the line when emily basically started making her complaints race-themed ever since she found out the elderly woman was black. etc the complaints turned from “it’s too loud” to “this neighborhood is so ghetto” and “that’s what black ppl are like” and stuff like that. veronica wasn’t cool with that, so she planned on handling any other complaints herself directly so she could resolve things like a normal person, but ever since veronica mentioned that i knew emily was a pos

emily also complained about people partying/drinking on the street outside till ~11pm, which imo isn’t too unreasonable, like normal people do, and basically being too loud or whatever. on some level i get it cause she had to go to sleep early to go to work early, but also at some point i was just wondering how she functioned as a human being in the real world

ANYWAY THE STORY I TELL AT PARTIES IS THIS ONE, THE ONE IN WHICH SHE LEAVES (i will try to keep this as short as possible while still giving you all the details you need to understand just how fucking weird it was):

in early november, emily group messaged everyone asking if her boyfriend could come live with us. to her credit she said she wouldn’t do it unless everyone was ok, and she waited to hear back from all of us. i was out of town at the time but i remember being really put off by this idea and i was going to say no, when i noticed that my two other housemates had ALREADY said yes in the chat. just like that. i was stunned. what? like, no follow-up questions or “we dont even really know him” or “how is this gonna work”? were they fucking insane?

i messaged her privately saying i really wasn’t comfortable with it, for xyz reasons. among those being 1) rent, because nowhere did she offer to split the rent five ways instead of four (they were basically going to split her room between them, which, no). 2) fridge/living space, which was small enough with four people to one apartment as it is, and 3) just overall “i dont fucking know him” atmosphere. she messaged back saying she understood, and i got to asking why this was so important to her to do now, because she mentioned she wanted to do it “asap” if we’d said yes.

and this is where my “no” turned into “hell fucking no.” she told me this:

in response to my question of if she’d want to put him on the lease, she said no, she wouldn’t want her boyfriend on the lease in case “something happens so she could just tell him to leave” (raising my question: what, exactly, do you expect to happen? maybe the landlord, who lives in the building, finding out someone’s living here illegally? bc THAT WOULD DO IT FOR ME)

she was marrying him in december which is why she wanted it to happen “soon” so they wouldnt be living apart. i asked why she couldnt just wait until the lease was up to do all this, to which she said:

her boyfriend’s green card (he was russian) had expired so he was now paying month to month and that’s when i realized, oh. bitch he’s using you for a green card marriage and you’re trying to inconvenience all of us instead of owning your life like an adult, or something

at some point during the conversation she like tried to bribe me with a couple hundred extra dollars per month “to cover the cost of the extra utlities/wifi/inconvenience,” which i politely declined. this was when i said basically “look i never got the sense you particularly liked living here (massive understatement) and i think that it’d work out best if you moved out, which you’re clearly already planning to do”

and she did start looking immediately. at some point while she was looking i overheard her talking to veronica mentioning that he was a huge fan of putin and she’d asked him to like, politely, stop?, lmao because she didn’t like his entire yknow politics, and he basically said “i’m sorry, i can’t betray my personal/national identity, i just really believe in putin” or whatever the fuck and i thought to myself, this bitch is marrying him anyway for some godforsaken reason

i don’t know why i hoped that she would be any more considerate moving out than when she moved in, but somehow i was still surprised when the sublet she picked out was someone she never introduced us to or mentioned before, she literally just said “hey here’s your new housemate and when she’s moving in” and dropped us a phone number and facebook page.

one last thing: while emily was moving out, veronica mentioned to me that she was really pleased i stood up to her because she felt massively uncomfortable with the situation too. i asked why she didn’t say something, and she said she talked to emily privately airing out her problems, and emily had managed to talk her into accepting that sort-of bribe privately off message, and emily told her ‘just say yes’ in the chat, so she did and was kind of kicking herself for it after. (our other housemate was off doing fuck knows what at this point; she was gone for weeks on end leaving us to take care of her guinea pigs for her with little to no warning.)

but then, veronica says, the big thing that astounds her is that this wasn’t even the same boyfriend who she’d had when she’d moved in. six months had passed by this point. SHE HAD BEEN DATING GREEN CARD GUY FOR LIKE, THREE MONTHS WHEN SHE DROPPED THIS ON US

and then she moved to fucking harlem, one of the yknow most diverse neighborhoods in the city known particularly for its black heritage, so i guess have fun honey

(her replacement somehow turned out to be just as bad as she was, so you can imagine why i was eager for my lease to end in may)

[the-clear-northern-skies]

An Accidental Happiness

Edmund Pevensie x Reader

A/N: sorry this took so long! I hope you guys enjoy💖 just a reminder that requests are still open and I also love any feedback you have☺️

Request: Hey can I please have a head cannon/imagine where Edmund Pevensie accidentally gets the reader (his girlfriend of a couple years) pregnant? It's up to you whether you want to set in in Narnia or England (or do both yknow) I just think it would be super interesting considering the themes of Narnia and how a pregnancy out of wedlock was viewed in the 1940's and how his siblings would react.

You waited patiently in the court physicians room while he was in the other room running some tests. You hadn't been feeling yourself lately, upset stomach, feeling faint, not wanting to eat, so you took it upon yourself to seek medical help. You hadn't bothered to tell anyone you were going, especially not your lover, King Edmund, since you had an increasingly sickening feeling that you might not be ill at all. And being merely one of Queen Lucy's ladies you thought it best to keep that information to yourself. Still, with any luck, you could just have the flu. You continued to repeat this to yourself as the doctor returned. "Lady L/N I'm afraid I have some troubling news." "Yes? Well?" You asked as your heart rate continued to rise. "You are with child." He stated "Now as an unmarried woman I realize this must be difficult to hear but there are options, I could arrange for you to meet with a family who could house you while you are carrying the child, or..." he stopped "Or what?" You asked him. "Or you could marry. Do you know who the child's father is?" "Yes of course I know who he is!" "Would marriage with him be out of the question? If so I'm afraid you'll have to find and charm another man and soon. You're only a few weeks gone but you'll start to show in a month. You must be married or hidden away before anyone suspects." By this time tears had begun to drip down your face. "If you need anything else you are welcome to come see me, but for now I suggest you lay down for a few hours. Consider what you want to do." As much as you would have liked to take a break in your chambers, you still had your duties to Queen Lucy. You found her on the balcony looking over the sea with Lady Florence, the Queen's other lady. The two were currently laughing and sharing an enormous slice of chocolate cake. The Queen's eyes lit up when she saw you. "Y/N! Where have you been all this time? You disappeared this morning! Have you been off with your sweetheart?" Lucy and Florence started laughing again. "Lucy, you know I don't have any such sweetheart!" You blushed. "Of course she doesn't Lucy! What on earth would make you suggest such a thing?" Giggled Florence as she swept her curly black hair out of her eyes. "I must have forgotten that we aren't supposed to talk about it! Lady Y/N, sneaking kisses with my good brother the Just King!" Lucy stated grandly before collapsing into laughter again. "Keep your voice down!" You whispered. "Someone might hear you!" "It's alright Y/N, there's no one in this wing right now, that's why we picked it!" Said Florence. "We snatched some cake from right under the cook's nose!" Smiled Lucy "He'll be so angry when he sees that it's missing!" "Worth it though." Florence sighed "This cake is divine. Try some!" She said while holding a fork full up to your mouth. You, who normally loved chocolate, now found the smell revolting and promptly gagged into your hands. Florence pulled the fork back and Lucy's eyes went wide. "Y/N? Are you feeling alright?" Asked Lucy. "Where were you really this morning? Asked Florence, concerned. "I'm alright, I ah... I went to see the court physician." You paused "I was having the strangest dizzy spells and I don't like any of the food I used to." Now you had tears brimming in your e/c eyes. "You're not." Gasped Florence as Lucy took your hand. You just nodded. Lucy stood up quickly. "Let's go to my chambers, you'll be more comfortable there." "And dry those tears, you'll be alright." Said Florence. Before long you found yourself sitting on Lucy's bed while the other two sat on either side of you. "Does Edmund know?" Lucy asked. You shook your head. "No, I only just found out. I don't know how to tell him. The physician said I must either find a husband or go hide away with some family I don't know until I have the baby. After that I suppose I could only give the baby up for adoption!" Your voice broke. "No no no, I'm sure you won't have to do that. Just talk to Edmund! I'm sure he'll want the baby!" Said Lucy "But does he want to marry me? I'm not a duchess or a princess, my family doesn't own any land. I'm just a common girl. It wouldn't be appropriate for me to marry a king." "Those things don't matter in Narnia! Not anymore, Peter just wants Edmund to be happy! So does Susan and so do I! Besides Edmund loves you! I can see it when he looks at you." Said Lucy "He tells me he loves me, and I believe him. But, he's already responsible for a whole kingdom! Would it be fair of me to ask him to be responsible for a child as well?" You asked as Florence dried your tears. Of course it'd be fair!" Said Florence. "You certainly didn't conceive this child on your own and I'm sure he knew that becoming a father was a possibility." "I suppose you're both right. But how should I tell him? When should I tell him?" You asked your friends. "He should be back from a ride with Peter and Philip soon" Lucy started "Florence and I will keep Peter busy and then you can tell him!" "That's a great plan!" Said Florence "And Y/N you'll feel so much better after you tell him!" "I know..." You began "I'm just...scared." Suddenly the three of them heard the guard outside announcing the return of the two kings. "They're here!" Yelped Lucy. "Alright Y/N no more crying now, at least until you're alone with him. And Florence..." Lucy quickly ran into the corridor and returned with a broom, which she used to knock down a large painting that hung over her vanity. "We really need Peter's help putting this back up, neither of us are tall enough to reach it!" The three of you laughed and you felt a bit better, despite your difficult situation. The three of you hurried through the castle and were quick to find Peter and Edmund in the stables. Before they men even had a chance to acknowledge them Lucy cut them off. "Peter! That silly painting in my bedroom keeps on falling off the wall could you please help up with it?" "Aren't there any servants who could help you?" He laughed. "None of them are tall enough and besides I haven't seen you in ages." She pouted. He smiled as he put his saddle away. "You saw me last night at dinner! But yes I'll help you with your painting." At that Lucy smiled and took her brother's arm, leading him out of the stables with Florence tailing behind. You and Edmund were now the only ones in there. "Well she sure was in a frenzy!" Edmund laughed. "Don't you have to help her with that too?" "Actually she gave me the afternoon off." You started. "Something of a personal day." Edmund grinned. "Well in that case." He took your hand and pulled you towards him. "I find myself with some unexpected free time as well." He murmured as he met your lips. For a moment you forgot why you were there and kissed him back fervently. Until he pulled away and you remembered. "Edmund, I ah" you started but hesitated when you saw his concerned look. "Y/N is everything alright?" He asked "You seem anxious." "I'm fine, there's just something I have to tell you." You said quietly. His eyebrows scrunched together in worry. "Well what is it my love?" "This is hard for me to tell you and I don't want you to be angry but..." "But what Y/N? What do I have to be angry about?" His face suddenly paled. "Is there another man?" "What? Edmund no! Of course not!" "Well what else would I be angry about Y/N?" "I am with child!" Edmund quieted. "I'm so sorry Edmund, I know that this is a lot to hear. But I don't know what to do, I don't know what you want." You said. Edmund sat down on a hay bale. "You're pregnant." He stated. "Yes." His face lit up. "You're pregnant!" He exclaimed. "I'm going to be a father!" "You mean you want the child?" You asked. "Of course I want the child! It's our baby!" He grinned at you before kissing you hard. "We'll have to get married." Before you could blink he was down on one knee. "Lady Y/F/N Y/L/N, will you be my wife?" You dropped on your knees in front of him. "Edmund of course I will! Nothing would make me happier!" You answered him, wrapping your arms around his waist. "I don't have a ring for you but I'll get one today." He said as he kissed your hairline. "The wedding will have to be soon though, the doctor said I'll be showing in a month. Is that enough time for a wedding?" You asked him. "That's plenty of time, we'll have Susan plan it, she loves parties and weddings. We'll make the announcement tonight at dinner." That night at the dining table everyone was stunned to see that you were not sitting with Lucy but were instead next to King Edmund. Their confusion was quickly remedied however when Edmund stood and cleared his throat, indicating that he had something to say. "If I could have everyone's attention, I'm sure you're wondering why Lady Y/N is sitting with me instead of Queen Lucy. And that is because I've been courting Lady Y/N for a little over a year now and today I've asked her to become my wife." He smiled at you who blushed and showed off your new engagement ring. Everyone applauded and gave you both good wishes for your engagement. After dinner had ended you and Edmund found Susan with her ladies maids, discussing the duke that was coming to meet Susan in a few weeks. But she quickly dismissed them when she saw you and Edmund. "Edmund, Y/N, congratulations. I hope that the two of you will be very happy together! However, Ed! I can't believe your kept her a secret for a whole year!" "Well the three of you would have pestered her to no end! I was simply sparing her from being nitpicked by you lot!" She laughed. "Well you're right we would have, but we can certainly get to know her now! Was Lucy aware?" She asked you. "Yes, she found out months ago!" You laughed. "She hasn't stopped asking me when we would become official since!" "Speaking of," Edmund cut in. "I know how much you love planning parties Susan, would you-" "Plan the wedding?" She finished "of course I will! When were you thinking of having it?" "We want to be wed soon, since we've had to hide our relationship for so long, we were thinking next month?" Susan's smile dropped. "Next month?" "Yes." You answered her. "There isn't any particular reason you want to be wed so soon is there?" She questioned. "I just want to be able to call her my wife as soon as possible." Edmund stated. Susan looked back at you. "Your face is flushed, you hardly touched your food, you want to be married in a month..." her eyes widened. "You're pregnant." She said. You nodded your head. "That may be part of the reason we want to marry so soon but-" he was cut off by Susan smacking him in the chest. "Edmund! Did no one teach you to be careful? What were you thinking? If anyone finds out you two were together before marriage Y/N's reputation would be ruined!" "I know." said Edmund "But I do love her and want to marry her even if I planned on having children later. If we marry quickly no one will find out." "Ed, you're only 20, are you sure you're ready to be a father?" Susan asked. "Maybe not, but is anyone ever ready for children? We're going to make mistakes whether we're 20 or 25 and I'm ready to make those mistakes and learn from them and father my son!" You slipped your hand into his. "Or daughter." You smiled. "Well." Susan started. "It'll be difficult and we'll have to start preparations tomorrow but I can do it." "Oh thank you My Lady!" You embraced her. "Now there'll be none of that." She said as she hugged you back. "You're going to be a part of the family so from now on you can call me Susan." She pulled back and brushed your hair out of your face. "I'm going to wake you tomorrow at 8 to start discussing what you want for the wedding." "That sounds wonderful Susan." You said gratefully. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to retire for the evening." She said as she turned and strolled across the room to her ladies. "Good night Susan!" Edmund called to her. You jumped when you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist but relaxed when you realized it was just Lucy. "Oh Y/N, Edmund, I'm just so happy for you both!" "As am I." Said Peter as he came up behind his youngest sister. At the sound of his voice Lucy began to look a bit nervous. "Y/N, I'm so sorry! I told him! I'm just awful at keeping secrets I guess." When you realized the High King knew your secret you began to feel nervous as well. "Don't worry." Said Peter "I'm a little annoyed that my brother can't seem to control himself." He said as he shoved Edmund playfully. "But I am happy that the two of you are happy. And since I'll be keeping this secret from the counsel Ed I expect you to name him after me!" Peter laughed good heartedly. "Ugh as if Pete! I wouldn't do that to the poor kid!" Edmund teased. "Why you little-" and the two of them were off, roughhousing through the dining room. Lucy turned back to you. "I really am sorry though Y/N. I shouldn't have told him without asking you first." She said looking deflated. You took her hand and smiled at her. "Lucy, it's alright. You didn't mean any harm by it and everything turned out alright so really I have you to thank for this. I wouldn't have had the courage to tell him without you!" She pulled you into a firm hug. "Oh I'm so glad it all worked out this way Y/N! You really will be a wonderful mother." You just hugged her back, grateful for your friend, your fiancée and the child inside you that you already loved so much.

[perpetually-jungshook]

Goldilocks || 05

SURPRISE, SURPRISE TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY, HAPPY 600~

Rated T (language and suggestive themes)

Summary: After getting evicted, your two best friends Jimin and Taehyung offer you a place to stay until you get back on your feet. Needless to say, with a part time job and a mountain of student debt, that’s not happening any time soon. Eventually, they DO become really fond of having you around, helping with chores and even splitting rent. So when you come home one day to find someone has been sleeping in your couch-bed, well… it’s something you won’t take lightly.

Word Count: 3.4k

Out of context Goldilocks quote: “What the hell do you want now? Need me to wash your underwear for you too?”

Links to: Goldilocks Masterlist || Previous || Next Part

not my gif, credit to owner

✩✩✩♔✩✩✩

With your manager giving you hardly any hours at work, it was no mystery why you were eventually evicted from your old apartment. How could you keep up with the ridiculous rent prices? It was a question your landlord apparently had the answer to while you… didn’t.

Still, even if you were chronically late you always paid. That was one of the few things you could take pride in. Because of this, even after she kicked you out four months ago, you were determined to not owe that nasty lady anything.

You stare at the envelope in your hand, stained slightly at the corner with what’s hopefully coffee. This is it, the last one. You’d gotten paid earlier in the morning via a direct deposit and as soon as you stick this in the mailbox, you won’t have any more ghosts from your old life chasing you. At least, that’s what you hope.

Shoving the envelope in the slot, you step away quickly and don’t look back.

Now all you have to do is worry about your student debt… yeah, okay, that specter will hang around for a while, but not in the same way the old apartment would.

You hop back into the car and buckle your seatbelt with a long exhale.

“How do you feel?” Jimin asks from the driver’s side, giving you an encouraging smile.

“Great,” you admit, letting out a laugh to relieve the last of the tension that had been slowly settling in your bones for the past few months, but had mostly evaporated instantaneously when the payment left your hand. “Thanks for driving.”

“No problem, ____,” Jimin gives your thigh a pat before pulling back into traffic. “But I did it for kind of… selfish reasons. I’m taking you to get smoothies.”

“Man, if smoothies are selfish I can’t wait to find out what ‘generous’ means to you.”

His smile falters for only a second, “Yeah…”

Twenty minutes later, you find yourself sitting next to Jimin on a park bench. Thankfully, the rain had stopped sometime in the night, but it had left everything a little damp.

Including the bench.

“Maybe smoothies weren’t the best idea,” Jimin shivers, but the humor is clear in his voice.

“Too late,” you take a long sip, enjoying the cold. “You paid and I’ve already drank half. Wait. Drank or drunk?”

“Drank. Wait…”

“I know right?”

You share a laugh, though his seems more forced. Clearly, Jimin had something to tell you. He didn’t drag you out of the apartment on your one day off this week so you could shiver and drink smoothies, but you weren’t about to force it out of him. Instead, you’d simply talk until he was comfortable which, knowing Jimin, might take a while.

He hums thoughtfully, then says, “Yeah, drank.”

“Okay, I’ve already drank half. So unless you want me vomit it back into this cup-”

“____, I’m gay.”

That was fast.

You purse your lips as you let out a small, “Ah.”

Silence.

Jimin slides forward to sit on the edge of the bench, raking his fingers through his hair, gaze darting rapidly between his shoes and you. His voice goes up a few notes in pitch, “I tell you the biggest secret of my life- something I’ve been keeping to myself for ten years… You’re the first person I say this to and all I get is an ‘ah?’”

You can’t tell if he’s upset, frustrated, or still nervous. Maybe a mix of the three. He probably thinks you’re too busy judging him to form a coherent response.

But in reality, you’re just deciding whether or not to tell him that you’ve suspected it for a while. But ever since discovering the dildo and gay porn magazines in his underwear drawer, you’ve pretty much known. It wasn’t the “gay” thing that subsequently made it difficult to make eye contact for the next week- but the fact that every time you saw Jimin’s face, all you could think about was what he might look like while shoving that monster of a dildo repeatedly into his clenching entrance, lube dripping down his toned thighs while his free hand- yeah that’s enough of that train of thought.

The only thing you want to ask him is why magazines? Wouldn’t it just be easier to clear internet history? Sadly, even you know that’s a little inappropriate right now. So you opt for the first thing that will come out of your mouth.

“Look, Chim, I’m glad you feel safe telling me.”

Seems like a good start.

“But…?” he prompts, wincing.

“No buts,” you assure with a smile and a playful nudge to his arm. “You’re twenty three, not living with your parents, and can do whatever the hell you want. I’m here for you. One hundred percent. Unless you start smoking. That crap stinks and I’d rather be a hobo than smell it all the time.”

Jimin laughs, clearly relieved, and wraps you in a tight hug, “Thanks for being so cool about it.”

Instead of returning the embrace, you ruffle his hair and shove him away, “None of this sappy shit either.”

“C’mon, you’re a girl. You’re supposed to love this kind of stuff.”

“Park Jimin, are you generalizing my preferences based on my gender?”

“Yes.”

You press your hand to your chest, feigning shock, “Scandalous.”

A wicked smile spreads across his lips as he sings, “You wanna give me a hug.”

“You’re putting words in my mouth,” you sing right back.

“____ wants to give her little Chiminnie a hug,” he slowly shimmies closer.

“Yeah, okay. Fine.”

He wraps you in his arms, hair tickling your cheek, a happy hum in his throat. It takes a few seconds, but you eventually give in completely, returning the embrace. You’d never tell him, but you love hugging Jimin. Not only does he look like someone who’s pleasant to cuddle with in general, but he always manages to faintly smell like freshly ground coffee.

“You kind of scared me for a second,” you say, giving his back a soft rub even if he’d barely be able to feel it through the multiple layers of jackets. “I thought you were going to tell me that stupid kid is staying for longer than this weekend.”

Jimin’s grip suddenly gets tighter, causing you to instinctively try to pull away. He doesn’t let you. A low, guilty laugh leaves his throat as he replies, “Ha, right. I… wouldn’t do that.”

“Chim.”

“What?”

All feelings of companionship and bonding bleed away at the thought of Jungkook staying in the apartment. A weekend? You could pretend to be nice. For anything longer? There would obviously be more problems than a spilled bucket of water.

And then something dawns on you.

“Do you like him?”

Jimin stiffens and this time he tries to move away. You quickly rewrap your arms around his neck, making him drag your body sideways.

“Chim, answer the question,” you assert through your teeth as he desperately begins pulling at your elbows.

“I honestly think it’s best I don’t…”

You make sure your lips are directly next to his ear before you threaten, “I will lick ten of the pencils in your desk.”

His voice adopts a genuine tone of dread, “But how will I know which ones?”

“Exactly.”

Jimin sags in defeat, “Yes, okay? I kind of… maybe�� like-”

“Don’t you dare say his name,” the words leave your lips before you even know you want to speak them. Is he Voldemort?

“Well what do you want me to call him? Jinglekook?” Jimin’s response is obviously meant to be funny, but you must admit… at least the new name doesn’t make you want to rip someone’s head off.

You finally release your death grip on Jimin’s neck, “I think it suits him nicely.”

Your friend rolls his eyes, “Fine. I like Jinglekook.”

Trying not to throw up on reflex, you grimace, “Why? He’s awful.”

“Because Jung… Jinglekook is thoughtful, strong, helpful,” as Jimin speaks, his eyes shine with the telltale sparkle of rose-tint. “And you have to admit he’s hot.”

You would admit nothing of the sort.

“He’s also arrogant, stubborn, and stealing my couch.”

Jimin giggles, a sound that takes you by surprise because it’s usually only something Taehyung does. He jabs a finger softly into your shoulder, “Yknow, I’ve never seen you get this passionate about anything.”

“Don’t get used to it,” you pull away, taking a purposefully long sip of your smoothie which you somehow managed to not spill. He looks like he wants to say something else, but you decide you’ve talked about the little shit enough for now. You swallow quickly and ask, “So have you told Tae yet?”

“Told him what?”

“That you have a thing for burritos and not tacos.”

“What does Mexican food have to do with…? Oh… no not yet.”

“So that means you and Tae haven’t…?” you trail off. Jimin’s eyebrows knit in confusion until you clear your throat suggestively and add, “I mean, you guys are housemates and spend a lot of time together.”

His cheeks dust a vibrant pink, “No! No, he’s not my type.”

“Huh? But he’s everyone’s type,” the comment is only half serious.

“Not mine,” Jimin scratches the back of his neck with an embarrassed smile. “I mean, sure. Tae and I have jerked off together a few times-”

“That’s way too much information.”

He continues talking right over you, “But we haven’t touched each other.”

And there it is, the next image that’ll be stuck in your head for a week.

You fight the urge to clamp your thighs together while simultaneously wanting to vomit. Couldn’t your body at least pick a reaction and stick to it? You distract yourself by asking, “Okay but are you planning on telling him? Or do I have to keep this a secret?”

“I was going to tell him tonight actually. But back up to that ‘Tae is everyone’s type.’ Were you projecting?” Jimin’s question has this odd sort of suggestive tone that you don’t quite understand.

“Projecting?”

He nods, wiping a small drop of water off of his cheek, “Yknow, asking if me and Tae… because you and Tae…”

“What?”

As the pavement around you slowly begins growing darker with the next round of rain, you can’t help but gape at your friend. The dream. He couldn’t know. You hadn’t told anyone.

Jimin shrugs, “Never mind. I thought I heard you moan his name last night. But maybe I’m just going crazy.”

Then you remember. You did moan his name. But out loud? What’s worse is, if Jimin heard next door, it’s highly likely Jungkook heard too. And you don’t even want to think about Taehyung, who had been in the room with you.

“Totally just you going crazy, Chim,” you say, laughing a little too loud.

With the storm rolling in, both of you decide to head back to the apartment, suddenly, silently agreeing to dodge all serious topics. You complain about the crack in the ceiling and Jimin grumbles about his newest coworker. The casual conversation does a great job at keeping away thoughts of Jimin and Taehyung sitting on the couch, laptop open, both flies undone, legs spread as they-

“I need to study,” you announce as soon as you’re in the apartment, trying to dispel the naughty images from your mind. It’s not a lie though. You have an essay to bullshit your way through.

Despite having closed the window that Jimin left open, the chill bites at the tip of your nose and cheeks. You would’ve thought he’d be afraid of the rain getting in, but there are some things he just doesn’t think about. So now you’re bundled under his blankets, using his laptop to write your essay because you aren’t fortunate enough to be able to replace your old one after accidentally dropping it.

You might have used Tae’s, but after last night, you’re kind of avoiding his room. That, and you’re a little afraid of what you’ll find on it. The last thing you need is to think about what kind of kinky shit he’ll have sitting casually on his desktop.

“This message also reflects in the aforementioned plays, but in a way that ultimately may cause the reader to question the integrity of Socrates’s claim.”

Integrity? Is that the right word? You drag the cursor over it, searching for a definition. Honesty? That’s not what you want. But it also mentions “quality,” which is good. You guess.

A knock on the door pulls your concentration away from Jimin’s laptop and the document that barely has a single paragraph written.

“What?” you ask, not looking away from the troublesome word.

“Noona, what setting should I use on the dryer for the towels?” Jungkook’s voice permeates through the door, a sound that turns your stare into a hard glare.

“How am I supposed to know?”

“You’ve used it more than me?” there’s a tinge of exasperation in his voice.

You want to tell him to shove the towels up his ass- because if he hadn’t made you spill the bucket of water last night, this wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. But of course with the new information that this is the douchebag Jimin is crushing on, you feel obligated to at least keep up the premise of civility.

“For anything without fabric softener, I always use medium heat. Air dry makes them feel crusty.”

“Wait… I wasn’t supposed to use fabric softener?”

You want to slam your face against the computer screen, but instead you set the laptop aside, get off of the bed, and walk to the door, opening it.

“Every other wash to keep the towels absorbent,” you keep your voice steady despite the hot flash of anger that floods through your veins as soon as you see his wide eyes, pursed lips, and stupid golden hair that’s now sticking up in ridiculous, sleep induced directions.

Kid can’t even comb his bedhead? It’s two o-freaking-clock in the afternoon.

“Ah, I didn’t know that,” he gives you a small smile that settles unpleasantly in the pit of your stomach for reasons you can’t understand.

It was an honest mistake. You shouldn’t be mad.

Key would: shouldn’t.

“Well now you do,” you somehow muster a smile to shoot back at him, even if it’s a tad derisive.

“Alright thanks,” he nods awkwardly, then spins on his heel and walks back down the hall.

Taking in a calming breath, you close the door and plop back on Jimin’s bed.

Integrity. Right…

Another knock.

“What?” it’s harder to keep the blatant annoyance out of your tone this time.

“I forgot to ask what we’re planning on doing for dinner.”

You glare at the door like he can see your expression through it, “How am I supposed to know?”

“You’re the responsible one, aren’t you?”

Yes and no.

Running your fingers through your hair, you take another deep breath, “I can’t cook for shit and Tae only hoards snacks so Jimin does the food related stuff, but he won’t be home for another few hours. You want something? You make it.”

“Alright,” is Jungkook’s muffled reply.

You roll your eyes, settling back down to scrutinize your thesis.

Integrity will just have to work for now. After all, it’s a first draft. But “may cause the reader?” Is that too passive-?

Another knock.

You slam the laptop shut, jumping to your feet and throwing open the door again. This time, you make no effort to hide the irritation in your voice, “What the hell do you want now? Need me to wash your underwear for you too?”

Jungkook’s eyebrows knit, upper lip pulling back, “No? I was going to make jajangmyeon and I came over here to ask if you wanted any, but never mind.”

Shame runs like ice water down your spine and for a second, you think he’s mad enough to leave but for some reason, even after his dismissive comment, the golden haired boy doesn’t move. His gaze continues to steadily hold yours. He’s expecting something. An apology?

Jungkook has done nothing to deserve this. After spilling beer all over you, he’s literally done nothing. And yet here you are, yelling at him. For what? Interrupting an essay for a class you’ve resigned to passing by a hair’s width anyway?

Besides that, he’s made inappropriate comments and been as pliable as a diamond (i.e. not flexible), but Taehyung says rude things all the time and Jimin is stubborn as well. Why is it only annoying when Jungkook does it?

Maybe Jimin was right. Maybe it’s time you actually stop being so petty. And jajangmyeon sounds pretty good…

“Okay,” you take a deep breath, leaning against the doorframe as you cross your arms. “I’m sorry I snapped. I’m just a little stressed out because-”

“Oh how cute. You think I want an apology,” he scoffs, cutting you off, head tilting.

His words slice straight through your gut. Derisive, arrogant little shit.

“Listen, I’m trying to be a good person. If we’re going to be living in the same-”

“Good person?” Jungkook cuts you off again, this time with a humorless laugh. “You’re the one who’s been an asshole to me. Ever since I got here. Glaring, threatening, pushing me around. Even when I’m trying to help you.”

Embarrassment floods through your veins, but by now you’re a master at denial and converting it to anger.

He continues, “One little apology isn’t going to fix this.”

You’re tempted to slap him. “What do you want? For me to suck your fucking dick?”

Jungkook lets out a belittling laugh, “Like you’d know how.”

And then you realize why you’re always mad at him, why he is so “unexplainably” irritating. He’s baiting you, provoking you, probing for a reaction.

Why? You’re not sure, but like hell you’ll give him what he wants.

“I guess that’s something you’ll never find out,” with a deep breath, you manage to gather your composure and give him a faux sympathetic smile. “Now, I’ve got an essay to do, so run along, little boy.”

Seeing that the argument had lost its heat, Jungkook looks like he’s about to do exactly that- leave, but then those words come out of your mouth. Little boy. And he freezes.

Coming home straight from the park, Jimin had left the house a few minutes after dropping you off. Apparently, his boss called him in last minute for a shift. Meanwhile, Taehyung had been out all day, “running errands,” but because Jimin did most of the grocery shopping and you bought the other household essentials, you have no idea what he’s doing.

Whatever the case, you’re alone with Jungkook and no one would know for a good few hours if he murdered you.

A small smirk tugs at the corners of his lips as the wall of muscle suddenly takes a step forward, emphasizing the height he has over you.

“Little boy, noona?” he asks slowly, carefully, tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip, a lock of golden hair falling in front of his left eye. Jungkook’s dark gaze seems to send needles straight to your retinas. You feel naked in front of him, despite several layers of clothes. Not vulnerable so much as helpless. Hot wrath floods straight to the bottom of your stomach.

Unable to trust the stability of your legs, you have no choice but to stand your ground lest your knees buckle. You want to shout at him, but you also know that if you do, Jinglekook will know he’s getting under your skin.

“Yes. Little boy, Kookie,” you retort and close the door on his face. The “thump” is proof enough.

You’re not sure whether that could be classified as a “win.” Sure, you’d gotten the last word, but what the hell is going on inside your stomach? The image of Jungkook’s smirk burns into your memory, the flash of his tongue against his lips. Heat, tightness, frustration. You must have eaten something bad.

The smoothie.

It’s raining, you’re wet, you drank an icy beverage, the window was left open, and maybe your body had enough. Yes, that has to be it. Jimin’s room?

Too cold.

✩✩✩♔✩✩✩

EOPQ 13: What do you imagine Jimin and Tae look like?? Like what era?

Send me your thoughts/answers here. Or just come say hi ;) Please include the End of Post Question number upon submission, thank you!

Support me/Donate and get some super rad 😎 rewards

Much love ~🐰 xx

[kr-writing]

17 on Tumblr (Jun)

hohoho here is the requested Jun on Tumblr! can you believe I actually got around to continuing this series lmaO

*cracks knuckles* *rubs hands*

let’s get started hohoho

okay so we all know Jun reads novels online and what not right

and seventeen has shamelessly, on a few occasions, admitted to searching themselves up online

so one day, Jun, being, well, JUN, searches up a fanfic about himself and he’s casually scrolling through naver when a title catches his eye

and it’s a posted on tumblr fic

at first he’s all like “????????” and innocently wonders what tumblr is, but then he asks vernon who then widens his eyes because yknow tumblr is mainly known for porn

he decides to venture into the unknown anyway

he starts off by reading the fic that got him there in the first place, and wow is he hooked

he kinda forgets that he’s the main character because it feels so surreal and different but at the same time similar to his own personality

but damn! he’s enjoying this fanfic way more than he should be

(don’t imagine an emo wen junhui staring at his phone intently at 3am about to internally explode because fic-him and the oc are giving each other the cold shoulder)

(and don’t imagine him stifling his laughs with a pillow to avoid waking up the other members)

yeah 

don’t

and let’s face it, he probably didn’t realise tumblr existed as a mobile app until he finished reading the entire fic

when he realises it is a mobile app he’s so excited and literally falls over himself downloading it

his username is probably some shit like “wjhui179696″

he searches up the fanfic that he read by the title, and finds the blog that posted it

and he’s awestruck

the blog is so pretty and the theme is so warm and the description is so nice and!!!!!!!

THE HEADER PICTURE IS A GIF OF HIM SMILING BRIGHTLY WITH SO MUCH JOY

he falls in love instantly

guess who owns that blog

that’s right

you

and you don’t just post 17 fanfics, you also post a great deal of other writings and poems and short stories, but your svt stuff always seemed like the only things that got reblogs so you stopped writing your poems and stuff for a while and focused more on the fics

and wen junhui is so enamored he finds himself scrolling through your entire blog and looking through all your pre-svt stuff and he’s like

shit not only are they a seventeen fan, they’re also generally just a really good author and poet who puts out really meaningful things!

and you have this one poem written in chinese for a module you took a long time ago and it’s so beautiful 

that jun took a quote from that poem and used it as his kkt status

obsession?? noOooOoOOooo what psh

anyways

he notices you don’t write such stuff anymore and he gets kinda sad 

so he sends you an anon ask that goes “Hello I’m a new follower but I realised that you stopped posting your original poems and short stories after a while, is it okay if you let me know why?”

and you receive the ask and !!! you didn’t actually think anyone would notice that you stopped putting out those poems and stories because they never got many notes anyways

you’re kinda touched and a small grin forms on your face because someone actually noticed? 

and you reply with 

“nah it’s nothing I just thought people would rather read my 17 fics instead. but thank you so much for sending this ask in”

jun reads it an d lmao guess what he says

“Oh if that’s the reason then just send those poems to me! I’d be more than happy to be your only audience ;-)”

FROM 0 TO 100 REAL QUICK WEN JUNHUI

and you’re at this point giggling and smiling to yourself because THIS ANON IS SO GREASY AND THEY’RE ONLY ON ANON but they’re also really cute so you reply with 

“sure but first reveal your username ;-)”

so he messages you with a “wassup i’m the ;-) anon”

and from then on blooms a beautiful beautiful mutual friendship thing

like it’s super cute because the both of you tag each other in 17 shit and other funny stuff and while jun always knows the 17 stuff beforehand (because, he’s well, part of seventeen), he always finds himself chuckling at the stuff you tag him in

not to forget you keep by your agreement and send him a bunch of your poems and stuff, and he’s always so happy and ! to read them

plus he’s always really excited to check the message you leave him, especially if svt had a really grueling schedule and he was dead tired and exhausted

and he finds himself being more drawn to your personality as y’all talked more and more??

you’re also under the impression that his name is wendy because when you first asked for his name he typed wen and then regretted it immediately so he did a Save and now he’s wendy

ok fast forward a few months

jun just had a comeback and he’s dead tired

you still don’t know he’s The Wen Junhui

(also he has a habit of referring to himself as The Handsome One)

(and Hot Boy 101)

(and Sizzling Shenzhen Babe)

the list goes on

but one day you message him and you’re kinda curious about how he looks like so you’re all like

“hey Muscle Man shouldn’t you at least show me your face once and let me see for myself how hot you actually are?”  

“sorry y/n i’m really tired now, another time maybe?”

but you don’t think he’s being serious so you say “lmao then what bout a skype call? you can just sleep and i’ll just stare at your face, we both win”

when jun reads your message he gets upset and disappointed because! he’d just gone through a day of shit from everyone

he had to deal with recording for an hour because woozi wasn’t pleased with his one line

and he had to suffer through hoshi’s relentless nagging and tiring choreography

and he thought maybe opening up tumblr would make him happier but instead he came on to see you asking for a pic and not even taking no for an answer???

so he’s just like 

you know what fuck it i’m just going to stop replying them

anyway it’s not like they can know i’m wen junhui

so boom

jun ignores you for a good whole week

but then !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in that week you actually manage to get tickets for seventeen’s fansign !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you’re so pumped and hyped because YOU FINALLY GET TO MEET JUN AND !!!

he’s the literal love of your life how can you not get really excited

except, you still feel kinda shit because wendy (jun) hasn’t replied you for ages

okay maybe it’s just a week but still

so before you go for the fansign you drop wendy (jun) a message telling him that you finally get to meet your idols and that you’re sad he can’t be with you :’)

and then right before he gets onto the fansign stage, jun reads the message

he panics for a while but manages to stay calm because lmao its not like they know i’m their online friend psh it’s all aight

but when he gets up there he sees a person sitting in a corner alone, with no fancy dslr but a small iphone camera, eagerly waiting for him to come out and 

he knows that’s you

you look so happy yet slightly :( and he can’t help but feel slightly guilty

so when it comes to your turn with jun,

you tell him how much you adore and love him (at this, jun blushes and eye smiles) but then you ask him for advice on how to apologise to a friend

and he goes from :-D to :-( real quick

because although that confirmed his suspicions about you being his amazing author memey mutual, he felt really really bad about making you feel shitty

so he’s like “wait let me show you a magic trick”

“take out your phone”

“you wanna apologise through text right?”

at this you nod your head fervently 

jun takes out his phone too

and he’s like “okay go to your chat, and on 1,2,3...”

a new message bubble pops up and 

“why use facetime when the real deal’s in front of you?” 

he shows you his phone screen with the exact same chat log as yours

and you’re just like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he smirks and puts a finger to his lips

“sh’’

when the fansign ends, you’re so certain that it’s all a dream that you check your phone again

at this point another message pops up 

it’s an selfie of jun at the fansign location with his finger poking a far off image of you in the background

“how’s this for a picture? get home safely ah my dear carat! ;-)”

and that’s when you realise your mutual’s name isn’t wendy, but wen jun hui

!!!!!!! finally done with 3/13 of this series! i’ll finish the rest and update the masterlist in my free time so please be patient!

requests are open!

love, jyn

[asdklgkgluck]

okay hi first rant post on this blog but i have a lot of feelings and emotions and stuff to just type out all over the place.

so first off, i really want to be drunk or high right now. i know how fucked that is and i know how stupid it is to want to be drunk or high to take away my feelings, but fuck i really can’t handle my life being like this sober. i’m so hurt and unmotivated and hateful and so many other negative things and the only thing that takes it away when i’m alone like this is being high or drunk. i looked for alcohol earlier but there isn’t any in sight anywhere which fucking sucks. i’m sure my mom has some in her room, but her and nicholas are asleep in there and i don’t feel like risking waking them up just to search for booze.

speaking of my mom, i really wish things between us could be different. i’ve always felt so slighted and robbed that i didn’t have a great childhood and even now with the whole “my mom is my best friend” culture, i just can’t relate even a little bit, and honestly it really upsets me that i can’t relate whatsoever and get told by so many people that i’m ungrateful. i don’t even know what to think about her. sometimes i can say that i think she’s doing her best, but i know she’s not. she’s very selfish and demanding. “i cosigned on your student loans, you owe me this and this and that” or i don’t? since you’re making me pay you back anyway? she feels as though we should be so subservient to her just because she had sex, her birth control failed, and she ultimately chose not to abort me or my brother and keep us rather than give us up for adoption. that’s another thing: she’s told me i don’t even know how many times that she wishes she would’ve gone through with aborting me. do you know how that makes someone feel? do you have any fucking idea what it feels like to be told by your actual mother that she wishes she would’ve never had you? and even knowing that her and my dad were going to give me up for adoption until my dad said no because he didn’t want to have a daughter out there somewhere that he didn’t know. if not for him, my life would be entirely different. i don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing. i don’t like looking back at things and wondering how they could be different because i can’t fix them, so what’s the point in thinking about the “what ifs”?

anyway i got off topic, but my mom. is so mean. she’s so emotionally abusive and manipulative but she’s so fucking ace at it that sometimes i have to sit back and wonder if i’m really positive she is or if i’m just wrong and reading into it. she is. i blocked out most of my childhood, so i can’t recall the things she used to do to my brother and i, but i remember it fucking me up. my grandma on my dad’s side likes to tell the story of the time when my mom went away to mexico for two weeks and when my grandma told my brother and i that she was coming to pick us up, i cried and hid. we retell it like it’s a funny story because if you just see it from a normal perspective, it’s just a silly kid wanting to stay at grandma’s. in reality, i hated being around my mom and former stepdad and felt extreme emotional distress knowing i had to go back to them. i also used to plan with that grandma how she could kidnap me from my mom’s house. i guess you can see those things as harmless kid shenanigans, but it was multiple things and repeated and i was in actual distress. and i guess that’s a common theme in my life with the adults in my life growing up writing off my distress and mental illness as just being a kid because what 6 year old is actually suicidal, yknow?

but my fucking mother. in comparison to her mom, she seems totally fine, but get her on her own and she’s just as bad in her own way. i do remember she and my ex stepdad used to make me cry and then laugh at me for being upset. she would come up to me when i would wear t shirts or shorts and pinch my fat and point out all my cellulite and flaws. we could just be sitting at a red light and she’d look over and narrow her eyes and go “you have a double chin and you’re not even trying to have one. you need to start doing chin exercises”. she wouldn’t let me go out or hang out with my friends until i was in my freshman year of high school unless she was able to call my friends’ parents and confirm every single last detail, and even then, she wouldn’t let me go half the time because she got a “bad vibe” and accused me of lying. her and my ex stepdad accused me of lying all the time, and i do have a problem with lying, but they would accuse me of lying even when i was telling the truth. they would LITERALLY MAKE ME FUCKING LIE TO THEM AND ACCEPT THAT AS “THE TRUTH” so what the fuck did they think was going to happen??? i got my first real life boyfriend and my mom accused me of trying to have sex and sleep around and i was literally 12?? i hadn’t even had my first real kiss yet and apparently “i want to go out on a date with my middle school boyfriend” is code for “i want to fuck even though i literally just started masturbating last week and haven’t even figured that out yet”. (speaking of, i probably should try and get off at some point tonight since i haven’t in like a week and before that, nearly a month and maybe i’ll placebo feel better? probs not)

but like even recently, every. single. fucking. decision. that i make is criticized. “you should get a second job” yeah with what car? and on top of the full time hours i’m already working at my first job? “if you would’ve gotten that second job i told you about, you’d be making so much money” yeah because i’d be working like 80 hours a week you fucking doorknob. it’s acceptable that i don’t hang out often with my friends (lol not really actually, i get told all the time to get out of the house because my brother is extroverted and social and i’m definitely not) but if i don’t see the guy i’m talking to (i don’t actually know what’s going on with that but i’ll get into that later) every single day, our relationship is trash and he’s abusive and a dickhead and i should be dating other people and finding some trashy clingy fuckhead to date instead who will send me a bunch of emojis and constantly drain my energy. fuck that.

the clothes i wear are all trash apparently. i dress like a slut. just so many horrible things every single goddamn day. but how can i possibly leave? i’m financially dependent on her. if i gtfo, i won’t have a place to live in my home state, i won’t be able to afford college, and i won’t have a phone plan or car insurance that doesn’t cost me a small fortune. if i cut my mom and her mom out of my life entirely like some people suggest, i lose my college education at the school i’m currently going to and enjoy going to, i become homeless, and i lose the benefits of a family phone and car insurance plan, respectively. as badly as i want to and as much as i think i would benefit from it, i cant right now. not to mention, i’d feel like such shit about myself for doing it because i know i’d be guilted by her for “betraying her” or some shit and so many people would tell me how horrible i am for cutting out my own mother. if i already get upset seeing people have happy and healthy family ties, how would i feel if i know i don’t have a mom to even try to reconcile with? it’s harder to cut out family members than some people like to pretend it is.

okay moving on to my friends. i would say i do have some friends. i categorize my friends in very specific and compartmentalized ways because that’s just what helps me draw boundaries and not get too attached to people who aren’t in the appropriate categories. i have acquaintances. acquaintances are people that i know of who also know of me on more friendly than neutral terms. they’re people i would recognize and say hi to if i saw them, maybe. (for my own reference if i get confused, think like david or bree or tegan) i have close acquaintances. close acquaintances are just one step above regular acquaintances. i can have little conversations with them here and there and maybe hang out once or twice, but i wouldn’t entrust them with anything real or beneath the surface about myself in any way, shape, or form. (think cara and kodiak and them) then i have friends. friends are people i enjoy spending some time with, but they’re not people i could have a deep conversation with. like i can hang out with them and have conversations with them but i would never go deep about my personal life, maybe just a little bit. (think lillie or carly). then i’ve got close friends who, as you can guess, are one step above friends. i seek them out and want to hang out with them more than everyone previously listen, for the most part. they’re the people i talk to the most and the people i hang out with the most. i feel more comfortable being honest and open with how i’m really feeling and my struggles (think jayden, carly, jessi, adrianne, skitch, maybe). then i’ve got the best friend tier. that’s the person i’m the most comfortable with. i can tell them absolutely anything without any fear of judgement and i trust them immensely. i don’t feel the need to talk to them all the time or hang out all the time even though i think about them and have them on my mind more than anyone else. that’s literally josh lmao i used to have a best friend, but she was an abusive snake so i cut her out and it was hard and it’s still hard when i see people praising her as if she’s never done anything wrong, but whatever.

the issue with all my friends except for josh is that they don’t understand how i work. i try to talk to my close friends about my issues and they make me feel worse about myself or my struggles. i try to talk to jayden and carly (who are supposed to be my best friends) about my relationship struggles with josh, and i get a “dump his ass, fuck his best friend, and then fuck your way through tinder you hot bitch” as a reply. that’s fucking stupid and self destructive and i’d hate myself absolutely as a result. it’s such an immature response i don’t even think i responded to it lmao or like when i came to them and was like “hey i’m very fragile right now and need support” and carly LITERALLY STARTED A FIGHT WITH ME and told me how i wasn’t doing enough and i wasn’t putting any effort into anything etc etc. my salt vault pals are great people to hang out with and joke with, but none of them do emotions or understand mental illness in the slightest. the best response i’ll get is a “boop” from thomas or an “eat some spaghetti and forgetti” from kellie. maybe if i was just normally sad, but yall come on now i’m clinically and severely depressed. i appreciate the effort, at the least, but lately they’ve all just ignored me when i’ve tried to reach out, so i just shouldn’t do that anymore.

literally the ONLY PERSON IN MY ENTIRE LIFE who is able to make me genuinely feel better is josh. i don’t know how he does it or how he manages to usually find that perfect balance between calling out my bullshit and comforting me, but 9/10 he can get the job done. he says he just talks logically, but he does it in a way that doesn’t get under my skin or belittle me. and god i don’t want to put all my baggage and problems on him no matter how often he offers or tells me to talk to him about anything and everything and although i know i’d be comfortable talking to him about it, i don’t want to scare him away or push him away or like hurt him or affect him in any way because of it. 

but like okay. i know how cheesy and stupid this sounds but my life is always better when he’s in it. before i met him, i was just kind of like existing in misery and i had accepted that i wasn’t going to get better or find actual love and that my closest chance would be to idolize celebrities. and yeah, okay, i did love alex. i could imagine a future with him and i could see us getting married and i cared and stuff (until he started treating me like shit and i fell out of love and realized i had been denying my feelings for josh for a year but WHATEVER), but it’s something entirely different with josh. i met him and even though we were just friends and i thought he was really funny and cute and had a big dorky crush on him, i started feeling myself become happier bit by bit and feeling more confident in myself the more i was around him. i’m sure it wasn’t the only reason, but when he told me he liked me too, it was probably top 5 moments of my life, not even gonna lie. i know how crazy and obsessive it sounds, but that first kiss i had with him i don’t think i can forget. it was the best kiss i’ve ever had and it’s burned into my memory. but i also don’t think i was too obsessive because when he said he loved me in his sleep that one time, i panicked because i wasn’t sure if i felt the same and saying it back wasn’t something i was ready for. i think that makes it more legit. and while when we officially dated things were far from perfect and actually quite shit for both of us, i think what happened was necessary for both of us to grow. i’m still hurting residually from it and he’s still hurting residually from it and i can’t forgive myself for hurting him like that, we’re both different and more understanding people now. he used to not be able to calm me down the way he can now. he used to just kind of feed into my panic and depressive and manic feelings by coming in too hard with calling me out or telling me to suck it up, and i only just got worse in those situations and they escalated into fights. i was mean to him, he was mean to me, and it didn’t work out for us then and there. what hurt me the most was that he fucked me and then stopped talking to me immediately after. i felt like actual garbage. i felt used and mistreated and dirty, and once he had officially left isaac’s and i realized he wasn’t going to talk to me again (despite telling me we could try again when i turned 18), i lost all hope and drive. i didn’t even want to just kill myself, i wanted to torture myself first. i drank all the time, i would skip as much school and class as i possibly could, i gave into my impulsive thoughts and actions, i cut myself all the time, i lashed out and was genuinely cruel and cold to people, i did a bunch of self destructive stuff... and i stalked josh’s social media. then i saw he got a girlfriend and i absolutely lost my shit. i tried to kill myself at least once a week and the days i didn’t try to, i was researching the most effective way to. even after they broke up or whatever (since he said they weren’t actually a couple and just went on a couple dates, so idk whatever i don’t care all that much) i just felt so lost. i applied to college because i wanted to see if getting far away would help me (sidenote: it didn’t on its own) as well as i just had this little gut feeling tugging at me that maybe if i faked it for four years of college and then at a job, i would make it. i think i tried to kill myself over 30 times my senior year of high school + the summer after. then josh fucking liked one of my art instagram pictures and i felt just like waves of confusion and hurt and so many things and it fucked me up again because i thought he was fucking with me.

then he reached out to me once i got out of the mental hospital (like i said, being away from home doesn’t fix the fact that i didn’t give a shit about my life and was indulging entirely in my mental illnesses without even caring to try and better them) and i slowly introduced him back into my life. we started talking again and picked up where we left off when things were good, talking and both obviously changed and matured but still changed and matured in a compatible way. when he fucking told me that he loved me when we were together, i cried. when he told me that he still loved me, i can’t even say what i felt because it was so many positive feelings all at once. i legitimately turned completely around overnight just talking to him ONE TIME. i can’t even tell you why. he even made it clear at that point that he didn’t think we could be in a relationship at that time, but even with that, i still immediately felt better and more in control.

and since we started regularly talking again, overall, i’ve gotten slowly, so much better. i’ve become much more confident and in tune with myself and my emotions. i’ve felt so loved and cared about and respected and appreciated more than i’ve ever felt in my entire life. he made me feel actual nothingness in the most tranquil and serene way when he said “i just want to see you grow as a person and be happy”. it was one of the best feelings of my entire life. in fact, the only times i faltered in this overall was when i was left doubting our relationship/friendship. 

look i know i can’t depend entirely on one person to be my rock, but it’s the only thing that’s ever worked for me. i’ve been to therapy for years, i’ve done medication for years, i’ve tried exercise, dieting, yoga, meditation, and nothing even comes close to helping me the way his presence in my life helps me. i don’t know if i’m being too overwhelming for him and if i am, god i want him to tell me. i don’t ever want to hurt him or stress him out or anything like that. and like honestly, just look at where i was two summers ago compared to now. two summers ago, he didnt text me for a day and i lost my shit. i could only handle three days before i broke. now, i went a year without speaking to him at all and now i can go a week or two without talking to him as long as i see he’s okay and alive. he’s the closest thing to a best friend i have and fuck i really do love him so much. and honestly, everyone gives me so much shit for our “relationship”, but i don’t want anyone else. like duh i’m still attracted to other people and i will always be thirsty for dan howell, but realistically, i don’t want anyone else. the thought of trying to be in a relationship with someone else makes me uncomfortable. i’ve mentioned this before but i did have sex with someone else and although it wasn’t something i really 100% wanted, it opened my eyes because even though it was with someone i am attracted to and have really wanted to have sex with in the past, it was just okay. like all sex is alright, but it wasn’t very far above the bar. the whole time i just wanted to be with josh for a multitude of reasons, including that the sex we have is honestly so fucking bomb every single time. i’ve had the best sex i’ve ever had with him and he’s the only guy that i’ve ever been with who has made it a conscious effort to try and get me to cum despite me being extremely difficult in that way. and he did it once like fuck man you go.

okay anyway that got off topic and although i recognize i still have a lot of work to do, my end goal if i get the chance to continue to be in his life and maybe wonderfully finally be in an official relationship like i’ve wanted for nearly a year at this point (solidly and unwavering, anyway) is to grow so much and gain so much confidence that i have that baseline of love and support that i’ve lacked my whole life to finally have a chance at getting better and being able to hold myself up mostly or completely instead of needing someone else to be there for me not to collapse into oblivion or in on myself. 

but here’s where the overwhelming fear and pain i’ve felt lately is coming from. i’m so afraid he’s leaving me again. i absolutely can’t handle going through the worst point in my life all over again. i understand that he’s got a lot going on, and i’m more than willing to give him his space, and maybe i’m just overthinking or giving into my anxiety and paranoia and intense fear of abandonment... but when he’s posting on social media and liking things like he’s totally fine or especially replying to other people and not reaching out to talk to me, it makes me feel like i mean nothing to him anymore. i know i need to have trust but i’m still hurting from the last time he left me and the only thing that eases that pain is when i feel more secure and can actually talk to him. and i recognize that he’s very kind to me when we’ve spoken and it seemed almost like when i first reached out to him that he wanted to keep talking to me, but the last time it seemed more like he was just trying to be polite. once again, maybe i’m reading into it but i’m so so so afraid of losing him again. not even so much so afraid of losing my chance at happiness but losing this amazing human being and not being able to watch him grow and really love himself is something i absolutely don’t want. and maybe i’ve just been really stupid hoping for a relationship after he’s said time and time again that he doesn’t want one, but i really think that he’s just struggling with some stuff and he’s afraid of being in a relationship and getting hurt again, but i won’t push. i’m more than content loving him and supporting him as just a friend from him perspective or whatever. i just really don’t want to lose him.