#peter: did you just recognise the reference?

[thewrittenpodcast]

Peter: dad-

Tony: ummm

Peter: ummm

Tony: does this mean I have to start parenting properly

Peter:

Peter: no don't worry you're not a regular mom you're a cool mom

Tony:

Peter:

Tony: did you just quote mean girls at me

[runin-reads]

James/Lily vs James/Sirius: a case of accidental queer coding

Jily (James/Lily) is a pairing central to the HP universe in the sense that had they not been married, Harry Potter, the main character, would cease to exist and neither would his story as we know it. Yet we are left with only a few brief glimpses of their relationship in canon whilst other pairings are textually far more fleshed out– take Prongsfoot (James/Sirius), for example, who are frequently portrayed as The Duo, not just by those closest to them (Lupin) but by many others too such as McGonagall, Flitwick and so on. Harry himself could see how close they were during SWM in OOTP and this is someone who had a very limited time with Sirius and close to none with James. 

Queercoding is described as “the subtextual coding of a character in media as queer. Though such a character's sexual identity may not be explicitly confirmed within their respective work, a character might be coded as queer through the use of traits and stereotypes recognisable to the audience.” One character comes to mind when I think of “queercoding” and that’s Sirius Black. He’s estranged from his family, goes against the norms associated with his upbringing, there’s no mention of any ex-girlfriends and most notably he has intense love and devotion for his male best friend; James Potter.  At first glance, James had led an incredibly hetero-normative life by virtue of his wife and son, but through his relationship to Sirius there’s leeway to reach a queer reading of him as well. 

As recognised by countless characters and even Sirius himself, Prongsfoot come in a two-for-one deal:

“Do you remember who his best friend was?”  “Naturally,” said Madam Rosmerta, with a small laugh. “Never saw one without the other, did you? The number of times I had them in here — ooh, they used to make me laugh. Quite the double act, Sirius Black and James Potter!”  “Black and Potter. Ringleaders of their little gang. Both very bright, of course — exceptionally bright, in fact…”  “You’d have thought Black and Potter were brothers!” chimed in Professor Flitwick. “Inseparable!” 

The use of the word “brothers” in the above quote is one reason why fans don’t interpret Prongsfoot as queer-coded and/or romantic. However, it’s important to note that Sirius never referred to James as a brother, and there’s no canonical proof to suggest that Flitwick was close to James and Sirius– he was their teacher, not their friend or confidant. He isn’t calling them “brothers” either but rather he’s saying that word to express how strong their bond was. Hence why I believe an exclusively fraternal reading of their relationship doesn’t hold much weight. 

They are, however, established as each other’s closest friend and most trusted confidant. 

“Harry had the distinct impression that Sirius was the only one for whom James would have stopped showing off.” “Potter trusted Black beyond all his other friends. Nothing changed when they left school. Black was the best man when James married Lily. Then they named him godfather to Harry.  “I persuaded Lily and James to change to Peter at the last moment, persuaded them to use him as Secret-Keeper instead of me.”  “Lily and James only made you Secret-Keeper because I suggested it,” Black hissed

On multiple occasions James and Sirius were described as a unit– The Unit– within their friend group. Lupin said they were “the cleverest students in the school.” They were the “ringleaders” of the Marauders; always on the same page and in agreement with each other.

“Then, with identical fluid movements, they reached into their back pockets.” 

Even during their very first encounter, they quickly and effortlessly become a team. 

“Got a problem with that?”  “No,” said Snape, though his slight sneer said otherwise. “If you’d rather be brawny than brainy–” “Where’re you hoping to go, seeing as you’re neither?” interjected Sirius.  James roared with laughter.

This excerpt from DH also neatly sums up the Marauders group dynamic:

“To Sirius’s right stood Pettigrew, more than a head shorter, plump and watery-eyed, flushed with pleasure at his inclusion in this coolest of gangs, with the much-admired rebels that James and Sirius had been. On James’s left was Lupin, even then a little shabby-looking, but he had the same air of delighted surprise at finding himself liked and included” 

Lily herself acknowledged Sirius’ importance in James’ life in her letter to Sirius, where she all but says that only he could lift James’ mood whilst the Potters’ were hiding from Voldemort’s forces. 

“James is getting a bit frustrated shut up here, he tries not to show it but I can tell — also, Dumbledore’s still got his Invisibility Cloak, so no chance of little excursions. If you could visit, it would cheer him up so much.” 

On the other hand, Jily is portrayed in a less compelling way for lack of better words. I spoke about this in my other meta but to summarise it briefly: Lily is James’ wife, the mother of his son and… that’s pretty much it. In the books they’re barely spoken about as a couple, unlike Prongsfoot who are always mentioned together as if they were a package deal– which they were, as recognised by practically everyone. That’s not to say Jily has zero textual backing, though it is far and few between.

“How come she married him?” Harry asked miserably. “She hated him!”  “Nah, she didn’t,” said Sirius.  “She started going out with him in seventh year,” said Lupin.  “Once James had deflated his head a bit,” said Sirius.  “And stopped hexing people just for the fun of it,” said Lupin. 

Conclusion

What we do know about James and Lily’s relationship is limited to the following: Lily disliked James because he and Snape were enemies, James developed feelings for her first, they began dating in seventh year once James had matured, they got married when they were nineteen to twenty years old, had a child together. The end. 

On the contrary, James and Sirius are constantly implied to be each other’s closest, most loyal friend; each other’s most trusted confidant. They are equals in every conceivable way. Both were popular, from wealthy backgrounds  and intelligent. Throughout the entire series Sirius’ only priority was Harry, James’ son. He went through unfathomable lengths to protect Harry: he was the first to escape Azkaban, he snuck into Hogwarts with all the dementors around and lived off rats during the GOF so he could be close to Harry, the last piece of James he had left. 

There’s also evidence to suggest Sirius was a narrative parallel to Snape. There are two adults in Harry’s life who sought to protect him due to their respective relationships with one of his parents. Snape was a double agent for Dumbeldore out of love for Lily; Sirius escaped Azkaban to protect Harry out of love for him, an extension of his love for James. 

All these factors are  why I believe that by not fleshing out Lily as a character and Jily as a couple, JKR accidentally queer-coded Prongsfoot. 

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Hello again! Could you do one where Sirius gets transferred to Durmstrang or Beauxbatons by his parents after his first year? Obviously, James was heartbroken about it but they reunite when the triwizard tournament was hosted at hogwarts. Maybe you could do one on feelings realization where James thinks he’d be excited to see him again and he was but in another way *winks*

Everyone was buzzing about the Triwizard Tournament, and James is excited for it too, but for a different reason then any of his classmates. The tournament will be fun, he's sure, and he's planning to put his name in to see if he's chosen (just like everyone else of age), but any excitement he has for the tournament itself is dampened by knowing that it's at the expense of the Quidditch season. 

What he's excited for are the visiting schools. Specifically one student. Sirius Black was his best friend, almost instantaneously, in his first year at Hogwarts. Tragedy struck in the form of the Black parents removing Sirius from Hogwarts and instead enrolling him in Durmstrang. Mr. and Mrs. Black didn't like that Sirius was in Gryffindor or that James was his best mate, so they pulled him from Hogwarts to separate them. At the time, thinking of it that way felt like a conspiracy, but it was the truth-- proven correct when, two years later, Sirius's little brother Regulus arrived at Hogwarts like nothing happened, and no official excuse was given. Sirius's brother was Sorted into Slytherin, and he's been in Hogwarts ever since.

They've kept in touch with letters, but nothing is the same as that first year, when James and Sirius ran around the school together, planned pranks, shared looks in class, partnered up every chance they had, and did their homework together. Being penpals is better than nothing, but it would be a lie to say he's unhappy about the Triwizard Tournament happening this year. It's seventh year, they'll be able to reconnect before graduating and maybe, just maybe, James can see if Sirius would like to stay in Britain... with him. Bulgaria is so far away, and when they're adults, they'll have jobs to attend to, leaving little time to visit friends abroad. The Tournament will run for long enough that James can try to convince him that Britain is where he should live, and he's determined to make the most of the time afforded to him.

Professor McGonagall is nervous about the impression Hogwarts is going to make on Beauxbatons and Durmstrang, snapping at all of them to straighten up and fix their clothing. James can barely hear her with how intently he's watching the doors. He'll recognise Sirius as soon as he sees him; Sirius has said (more than once) that he and Regulus look very similar. Will Sirius recognise him? It's been years, and unlike Sirius, he doesn't have a sibling he can point to for reference. Sirius will know it's him after he starts waving and grinning like an idiot though, because there's only one person at this school that will be that excited to see him.

Beauxbatons arrives first, and James tries to hide his disappointment. Given the way Peter elbows him when McGonagall nears, he didn't do a good job of it. But Durmstrang is next, it'll only be a minute until they're walking in, the wait is nearly over-

He feels like he's vibrating in place. In their last letters, talking about the Tournament and discussing the fact that Sirius was going to attend, Sirius sounded excited to see him. James hopes Sirius is looking forward to this as much as he is, because he wants to blow off all the official tournament shite so they can spend as much time together as physically possible.

Durmstrang starts to walk in, James's heart is pounding, and then he spots Sirius and his heart goes double-time. Sirius sees him, grins, and winks, and James is pretty sure his heart has a life of its own now, racing so quickly it's like it wants to escape from his body entirely-- and perhaps throw itself at Sirius's feet and beg to be held by him.

He looks...

He looks so good that James's brain stops working.

To say that he looks like his brother is a misrepresentation of his features. There's enough of a shared likeness that it's obvious they're related, but it's a bit like saying a house cat looks like a lion. He's gotten handsome in the time that they haven't seen each other. He shouldn't be surprised, should he? The last time they saw each other, they were kids. Sirius was twelve, that's nothing. But now they're both adults, and he can't help but feel that Sirius has grown into it exceedingly well. Features that used to make him cute at twelve have refined so he looks like nothing less than a living work of art.

Durmstrang colours look good on him. Deep red and warm brown line all of their uniforms. Gryffindor red made Sirius look bright and happy, and the Durmstrang red makes him look... advanced. Dangerous. Dangerous in a way that suits him and means that James's heart is in danger of unnatural palpitations for the entirety of his visit.

He can't stop staring (even though the entourage has continued down the hallway so all he's doing is staring at the back of his head) and he knows that someone is bound to notice that he's staring, but he physically can't pull his eyes away. It would be embarrassing if he was looking at anyone other than Sirius, he thinks. 

James only snaps out of it when Sirius disappears from his sight altogether. He glances at Peter out of the corner of his eye to see if he has any thoughts about this-- that he wants to share and is unwilling to wait to tease him over-- and finds that his friend is pointedly not looking at him with a not-completely-hidden curl of amusement to his mouth. James hopes Peter knows that, silly as he may be acting already, he has no regrets. Also, he's sure that he'll make more a fool of himself while Sirius is here; this is the tip of the iceberg, or perhaps the first nudge of a boulder before it's pushed off a cliff.

The Welcoming Feast for the visiting students is grand, marked by the ridiculous decorations and the fact that Professor Dumbledore is going to give a speech. It's short, as most speeches by Dumbledore are, and then they're all free to talk and eat as they usually would-- but with some new friends to make conversation with.

Sirius walks right over to James sat at the Gryffindor table, taking the open spot next to him-- left intentionally, James wanted this to happen-- with a grin. "Long time, no see, mate," he says, and it's almost like he never left with how easy it is to talk to him. James worried that it would be awkward for a bit while they readjusted to each other, but it's not like that. There are no awkward pauses or stumbling over each other while talking. He slots back in like he's always been here.

The feast is good, and James doesn't want it to end. Sirius will still be here tomorrow, but when they all have to go to bed, Sirius will be off with the other Durmstrang students instead of in Gryffindor Tower with James.

Merlin, how is he going to survive this? Seeing Sirius every day will be a marked improvement on their relationship so far, but that doesn't mean he wants to say goodbye every night. Saying hello every morning will give him a certain rush, he knows, but he'd rather go without the highs and lows and just have Sirius with him the whole time.

"You're being ridiculous," Peter says, once they're in the dormitory and James has finished waxing about his woes.

"Excuse you."

Peter is unsympathetic. "You finally get to see him and spend the year with him. What's it matter if he sleeps somewhere else?"

James can't answer that. Rather, he can, but he doesn't like the way Remus and Peter have been looking at him since Sirius left for the night, and he doesn't want to make it worse by admitting the totality of what he's feeling. "He used to be in here with us, you know."

"Right, I remember," Peter responds, "but that was years ago. You're taking all the same classes; you'll be spending plenty of time with him even if he's not here. And this way, you won't stay up late every night talking to him instead of sleeping."

James wants to sacrifice sleep in exchange for talking to Sirius.

Then it hits him, and it's so obvious that he almost hits himself for not thinking of it sooner. He can sneak onto Durmstrang's boat to talk to Sirius if it's past curfew. Or he can sneak Sirius in here. It's not difficult to get someone in Gryffindor Tower, and he doubts the protections on Durmstrang's ship are too strenuous, considering it was for the voyage to Hogwarts. He'll talk to him about it tomorrow since he doesn't know what the rooming situation is for Durmstrang's students, and besides, it was a long journey and he might like a little extra sleep tonight.

Less than an hour later, something taps on the window. He's the only one awake, so he gets up to check on it.

James has a sneaking suspicion he knows what it is, but if he's wrong, then he'll be disappointed-

He grins, and Sirius returns it, hanging outside the window like he hasn't a care in the world. James opens the window for him, steps back so he can climb in, and shoots silencing spells at everyone's curtains. Without thinking too much about it, he throws himself at Sirius, wrapping his arms around him in a hug.

"Not too much, then?" Sirius asks, returning the hug.

It doesn't sound like Sirius needs a response. His tone was lighthearted, teasing, but James is going to reply honestly because he wants Sirius to know exactly how he feels about it. "Never," he promises.

*

Having Sirius back is wonderful in a way James can't put words to. It's like the whole world is that much brighter for him being in it; he doesn't understand why no one else is similarly invigorated by the visiting students, but maybe that's because they aren't hanging out with Sirius specifically. With how much James is monopolizing his time, it's not a surprise that he doesn't have the opportunity for anyone else.

And Sirius is gorgeous, of course he is. James knew that from the instant he saw him walk in in his Durmstrang uniform. It's just that it is perhaps affecting him more than he anticipated. 

It is conceivable that he has a massive crush on Sirius. 

It's also conceivable that he's attracted to his brain as well as his body, which puts him in a difficult position, because that's less of a passing fancy and more of a way to get his heart broken. He can already feel it happening. Sirius hasn't come anywhere close to rejecting him (because they haven't broached the topic of dating in any way, not in current interests or past partners), but it's like his body is preparing him for it preemptively. It's horrible. He hates feeling like this. He can't stand it for long, which means that he's going to have to talk to Sirius just to get it out of the way, and he's not looking forward to it. He knows that he's going to be rejected, but maybe it's the same as physical pain: waiting for it is often worse than dealing with it once it happens.

He means to talk to Sirius about it the next time he sees him, but the expression on Sirius's face takes precedence over asking him on a date. His brow is furrowed, a tight curve to his mouth that twists more like a grimace than the smile it's clearly trying to be. 

"What's wrong?" James asks as soon as he's sat beside him. 

"Nothing," he lies, but he doesn't put much effort in making it believable. He sighs a moment later. "Got a letter from my parents." 

"I didn't know they wrote you." It feels like the sort of thing Sirius would've mentioned in passing, not wanting to draw attention to it, but wanting James in his life too much to not ever bring it up. 

"They don't," Sirius confirms. 

"What's the occasion?" he asks, knowing that he'll hate the answer.

"You. Apparently, word has reached their ears that we're spending time together, and my mum decided to be a prick about it." 

James makes a face. 'Be a prick about it' could refer to any number of things, from being generally unpleasant in tone to removing Sirius from Durmstrang so that he would no longer have reason to be at Hogwarts for the Tournament. Knowing what he does of the Black matriarch, anything in that range is possible. "What're they going to do about it?" 

"Nothing, yet." He makes a vague gesture to the discarded parchment. "Only warnings, for now."

"To stay away from me, or stop being so friendly?"

"Something to the effect of never laying my eyes on you," he smirks, looking directly at James as he says it.

James grins. "So you're telling them to fuck off?"

"No, I'm just going to ignore them. No need to hasten the fire. With any luck, they'll be stuck on threats by the time I graduate, and then they won't be able to do anything."

He wants to be happy about that-- and a part of him is-- but the phrasing at the end, well, it sounds like Sirius plans on getting out of his parent's reach, which would put him away from Britain. "Are you leaving?" he can't help but ask.

Sirius blinks, taken aback. "I- well, I haven't thought of all the details. I've got a few more months before the end of term."

"But you're not staying here."

"Probably not," he admits reluctantly.

It's only seeing that reluctance that has James pressing forward. Sirius has some sort of hesitation to leaving, and maybe the reason is him. "I want you to stay. The past few months have been the best I've had at Hogwarts since first year. I missed you. We- we click, you know?"

One corner of Sirius's mouth curves up. "Yeah, we do. I admit I don't want to leave at the end of this year and never see you again."

"I don't want that either. So let's... not do that."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that," James confirms. He sounds more confident than he is, but acting unsure won't help either of them. "We can do what we want."

Sirius snorts, amused, but he nods all the same. 

"Speaking of things we want, I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date."

"I mean, yeah. I've never been on a date, but I do plan on going on one someday. Someday soon, hopefully, but I guess that depends on-"

"No, I meant with me. Do you want to go on a date with me?"

"Oh." Sirius blinks, then grins. "And here I thought you'd never ask."

"You could've asked me," James points out, but there's no heat to it; he's too happy that they're going on a date to be upset about anything. He was wrong about getting his heart broken; he's never been so pleased to be wrong before.

He shrugs. "I was going to give it another month before I tried."

"You had this timed out for yourself?" he asks incredulously.

"Eh."

"'Eh'? What does that mean?"

Sirius grins at him, then leans forward and presses a kiss to his cheek, lighting him up from the inside out. "Does it matter? We still got here."

James feels like he's flying but without the broomstick. It's the same exhilaration, and he loves it. "Yeah, we did."

[sharp-silver4795]

Jessie & Peter

Girly (gn) this is a LOOOONNNGG post

I spent 3 hours on this, I shit you not. And it STILL ended up cringy!!!

CW!!: Blatant abuse, prison?, inaccuracies (I’ve never been to jail), racism? (Jessie just refers to racial differences between Liu and Peter)

I think we can all collectively agree that Peter is an asshole. He’s abusive, selfish, acts like a Twitter Alpha Male™️, and doesn’t really give a shit about his step kid. Jessie, however, it the product of all those things. In fact, Jessie killed his father and brother over it.

So what happens when these two butt heads?

Where and When?

First of all- I kinda lied-

There were multiple times that they ran into each other.

They had a few small interactions at the prison, one on the street, and once at Jessie’s home.

Each being more dramatic than the last. It went from spite to subtly saying “he’s my kid now” and then outright saying it

Let’s get this outta the way

Jessie can get away with a lot- like a lot a lot

He’s a lot of violent interactions with officers and inmates since he’s been there.

It almost became a thing where- if Jessie asks for something, and it’s not too big of an issue, he gets it.

Visitation is one of those things.

At first, it was a big no.

The officials didn’t see why he wanted to go with Liu a few times. That was until Liu asked for him.

Anytime Liu got scared about anything in jail, Jessie would talk them through it.

It was a first for him to see someone scared to see their own family.

Prison ~ Calling him Out

Yk that thing where people can talk to inmates through glass and shit?

Well, there were a few times that Liu did that and Peter would be standing behind Jeff (Margret didn’t have time to visit and she beat herself up over it)

Jessie only had one visitor: his sister, Samantha. So, he would visit Liu a few times.

Jessie had talked a big game of wanting to tell Peter was a shit father he is… and he got his chance��

Once, he showed up, grabbed Liu by their shoulders affectionately and, well-

“Heya, kiddo. This yer kin?” They looked up at Jessie’s scared face and nodded; “yeah, Jeff- my brother- just left to go to the bathroom and…”

“Ah! That’s yer Pops?” He questioned, cutting off their statement. Liu nodded slowly. Peter had an almost smug look on his face as he leaned forward, putting the phone/mic to his ear.

“Who’re you taking to, son?” Before Liu could answer, Jessie visibly cringed and snatched the mic-

“M’name is Jessie.”

“Hello… Jessie. May I ask why you’re with him? I don’t think that’s exactly allowed.”

The larger man laughed like a madman “Why you call this kid yer son if ya ain’t gonna treat ‘em like it?”

Flustered and enraged, Peter stood. But, by the time he looked through the glass, both ‘Jessie’ and Liu were gone.

**later on**

Sitting on a table, in the mess hall, Jessie started a conversation: “Hey, kid?” Liu looked pale and uncomfortable ever since the visit that morning. Their answer was immediate- “Hm?”- even with a mouth full of food. He chuckled, “you ok? You seemed a bit off since this mornin’.” Liu looked up at him from his seat. “I’m just worried.”

“‘Bout what?”

“What’s gonna happen to me.”

“Kid, I done told you-”

“I mean when I get back to that house.”

He recognised the phrase ‘that house’. He can’t quite blame the kid, either. That house is not a home. It likely never will be.

The Street

When he’s let out, he asks to live with Samantha, which she gladly agrees to. She doesn’t live too far from the Woods’ house and he just can’t help wanting to visit. So, he stands on a street corner for when the high school bus stops.

At this point, Liu is 18 and Jeff is still in middle school. (My timeline might be off- idfk nor do I care!) Neither Jessie nor Liu know that Margret had lectured Peter into getting in the car to pick up Liu at the bus stop…

When the bus unloads, Liu nearly cries. He runs to where Jessie is and gets a back-breaking bear-hug. For some reason, Peter’s pissed that Liu ran to a sTrAnGeR rather than him. So, he yanks his car door open and marches up to Jessie.

Liu goes pale. Jessie can see the fear in that kid’s eyes and pushes Liu behind him so that he’s standing between them and Peter.“ Get outta here if ya feel like ya need to, got it?” He whispers to Liu, to which they frantically nod. “Good.”

“Hello, again, Peter. Remember me? Jessie? From the prison?”

“Yeah. I remember you.”

“Mhmmm… what cha got goin on? Need somethin?”

“I need my kid.”

“I’m sorry, sir, I can’t let that happen.” At this point, Liu is slowly backing away. Their heart is racing. What the hell are they supposed to do? Do they run? Do they hide? Neither of those have done anything in the past-

Almost as if reading their mind, Jessie calls to him: “C’mere, son!” Liu gladly runs to him, holding onto his shirt like a life preserver.

Peter’s jaw drops at the action. But his surprise fades to pure anger. Just as he’s about to speak, Jessie moves away with Liu, setting them on a bench to calm down. “I know this is a lot. I’m doin mah best with what I got, alright? If I could, Ida beat this bastard to pulp by now. But that won’t end well for anyone, now, will it?” He laughs as Liu lets out a small chuckle. “Stay here, I’ll get him outta the way for a bit, ok? Can ya do that for me?” Liu nods once again, and he moves about 2 meters back over to Peter.

“You think you can just-” a resonating *smack* shuts him up. He grabs Peter by his collar; “you listen here, bud. Ya lay one more hand on him and yer a dead man walkin, understood?” Once again, in shock, not knowing what he’s agreeing to, Peter nods aggressively.

In Jessie’s Home

Peter didn’t know what he agreed to last time.

So, when Liu eventually gets his ass beat, thrown into a washing machine, and locked in a closet- he runs to Jessie. What he wasn’t ready for, however, was Peter following him.

Samantha answers the door, “hello?”

“Hi,” Within his first few words, she recognises the voice as the man who stood next to Liu when she brought him the scarf. “Is there a Liu Woods here? He’s my son and I need him to come home. His mom and I are worried about him.”

In the living room, Jessie can hear Peter and immediately stands. He bolts for the door, politely asking Sam to move. He steps out and closes the door behind him.

He stands over Peter and crosses his arms over his chest. “You got one chance to speak. You blow it, I knock yer teeth in.”

“I don’t know who you think you are, but he is my kid. I need him to come home. Is that too much to ask for?”

“When it comes to assholes who’ll beat their kids? Hell yeah. Kid just told me what happened. Gimme a good reason as to why I shouldn’t whoop your ass right here and now” he says, taking a step down the walkway steps. He has one foot at each of Peter’s feet, trapping the man.

“He’s my kid and I’ll raise him how I want.”

“Oh, tell hell with that! As far as I know, he ain’t yer kid. First and foremost, he’s his Daddy’s kid! He ain’t even yours! It don’t take a genius to look at that Asian kid and your white ass and see that y’all ain’t kin. After that, he’s mine. Ya hear that? Mine. You ain’t got in ya to raise a damn house plant! Or would you beat that too?”

“I’m getting him ready for the real world, I’m making him a man.”

“You son of a bitch- he’s ten times the man you’ll ever be right fuckin now! He knows what he can do. He knows howda treat people. He knows how to be a good man. You ain’t a man. You’re a pathetic excuse fer a person.”

The two pause. Jessie stares down at him, warning and danger woven in his gaze. “Get the fuck off my property.”

“You want him? Have him! Hope he jumps in a lake a drowns.” As Peter walks away, Jessie sits on his sister’s porch.

“How could anyone be that way.” The door creaks as it opens behind him. Samantha steps out, “I don’t think our daddy was any better.”

The man sighs, “what do you and Liu want for dinner? I’ll get it for us.”

Against Jessie’s advice, he leaves after dinner. They won’t leave Jeff in that house alone…

Divider Creds: @sisterlucifergraphics & @saradika-graphics

Header Creds: MEEE!!!

[mariana-oconnor]

Black Peter pt 1

Haven't heard of this one either. Let's hope that's down to the fact it's a later story and not because it isn't popular anymore because of *looks at title* reasons.

I have never known my friend to be in better form, both mental and physical, than in the year '95.

Watson does keep waxing poetic about the year 1895. Must have been an epic year.

Holmes, however, like all great artists, lived for his art's sake, and, save in the case of the Duke of Holdernesse, I have seldom known him claim any large reward for his inestimable services.

Do we know the Duke of Holdernesse? I don't remember his name. How rude was he to Holmes that Holmes took his money? I feel like that must be arsehole tax.

So unworldly was he—or so capricious—that he frequently refused his help to the powerful and wealthy where the problem made no appeal to his sympathies...

More evidence for the Sherlock Holmes hates the rich theory. It's not that he's unworldly or capricious, Watson, it's that usually they're the bad guys (please see King of Bohemia). Not to put modern biases on a historical fictional character or anything.

down to his arrest of Wilson, the notorious canary-trainer

What did he train the canaries to do?

Was it, like, an entire hoard of pickpocketing birds?

Did they murder people for him? What?

Google tells me it might have been a euphemism for brothel-keeper. Or a singing teacher. So... honestly that story could go any number of ways. I think I'll stick to actual canaries, though. Probably in Canary Wharf.

During the first week of July my friend had been absent so often and so long from our lodgings that I knew he had something on hand. The fact that several rough-looking men called during that time and inquired for Captain Basil...

Watson pining at home while Holmes is out with rough-looking men and having them call him Captain...

...made me understand that Holmes was working somewhere under one of the numerous disguises and names with which he concealed his own formidable identity.

Honestly, I feel like this is character development. Before Watson would have just been 'Holmes is away' and 'Who is Captain Basil?', two entirely separate lines of thought. Now he has connected the dots. Proud of you, buddy!

...he strode into the room, his hat upon his head and a huge barbed-headed spear tucked like an umbrella under his arm.

“If you could have looked into Allardyce's back shop you would have seen a dead pig swung from a hook in the ceiling, and a gentleman in his shirt-sleeves furiously stabbing at it with this weapon. I was that energetic person, and I have satisfied myself that by no exertion of my strength can I transfix the pig with a single blow."

Everyone needs a hobby.

I recognised him at once as Stanley Hopkins, a young police inspector for whose future Holmes had high hopes...

Oh hai, Hopkins!

"However, my friend Dr. Watson knows nothing of this matter, and I should be none the worse for hearing the sequence of events once more."

For the sake of Watson and us, the invisible audience, please to be info-dumping exposition policeman!

"In 1883 he commanded the steam sealer Sea Unicorn, of Dundee."

"He has been known to drive his wife and his daughter out of doors in the middle of the night, and flog them through the park until the whole village outside the gates was aroused by their screams."

Can't say I'm entirely sorry Captain Carey is dead. In fact, maybe just chalk this up as self-inflicted and leave it at that. Whoever did it probably had a good reason.

However, the nickname doesn't seem to really be racist, so that's better than it could have been. Swarthy, as far as I'm aware, refers to tanned/weather beaten skin usually, which makes sense for a longtime sailor.

"He had built himself a wooden outhouse—he always called it ‘the cabin’—a few hundred yards from his house, and it was here that he slept every night. It was a little, single-roomed hut, sixteen feet by ten."

The original man cave?

The description of him is not crying out the sort of man who would keep tobacco on hand just in case his friends wanted some. It's not crying out the sort of man who has friends, for a start.

“Exactly, Mr. Holmes. I appreciated that point, and I conjectured that it was dropped by the murderer in his hurried flight. It lay near the door.”

Hopkins really is the smartest of the police officers we've met. And I still haven't noticed Watson comparing him to an animal.

So we have a terrible man killed by a harpoon in his man cave and no one noticed for ages because no one wanted to talk to him. I'm kind of hoping that all the women were in on it and they just... harpooned him together.

[shipthelambs]

WAS IT A DREAM?

Elsie started slowly opening her eyes. The intensity and amount of light trying to pierce through her eyelids were unbearable.

In the end, she wasn’t as shocked as one would expect when she fully took in her surroundings. Maybe it was because she thought it was a dream or maybe it was because she knew she was very old, and that this day would have to come eventually.

“Elsie Carson?” She heard a man’s echoing voice. At first, she didn’t realise where it was coming from, but there was a ray of light showing her the way and so she followed it. She was holding her long nightgown up, her bare feet landing softly onto an unknown surface covered with clouds.

“Elsie Carson?” Said the man again once she appeared in front of him.

“Am I dead, Peter?” She recognised him immediately.

“Funnily enough, no. You are not dead Elsie.” Peter sniggered under his beard.

Elsie just narrowed her eyes, inhaling deeply, readying herself for whatever is to come.

“Good news for you, you are only here for a reference so to speak.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s your husband who’s dead.”

Elsie cried out loud , trying to cover her crooked expression and wide-open mouth with her palm.

“How is that good news?” She said once she pulled herself together again.

“Well, perhaps not the best way to put it.” Peter ran his hand through his beard apologetically. “Good news is I think your reaction might be taken as a good sign-”

“Could you stop referring to things as good news-” Elsie stopped herself and added “-please,” playing with her long braided grey hair.

“I’m sorry, I won’t say it again.” He offered her a sympathetic smile.

“What am I here for then?”

“To vouch for him.”

“Ok.” She held her chest up high.

“The boss isn’t necessarily sure if he should let him in here.” Peter was studying his nails.

“Why ever not?”

“Let’s say your husband wasn’t always a kind man.”

“But he was.” She argued, her fists clutched together.

“Are you sure?” Peter raised his eyebrows. “Because according to our records, Charles Carson was a bit of a bully.”

“He might have made some mistakes in the past, but at heart he is a very good man.” She understood her assignment well and was eager to fight for him.

“Was a very good man.” Peter corrected her and then jumped slightly upon seeing fire growing behind her teary eyes. She could run the whole of hell, he thought, they’d love her down there.

“Well you just said he wasn’t.” She snapped back at him.

“I don’t think you getting clever with me will necessarily help your husband, Elsie.” Peter warned her steadily.

“Mr Carson was sometimes acting out due to the pressures of his job.” She decided to continue calmly.

“Is that an excuse, when he drove a man into committing suicide?”

Elsie swallowed loudly. “I don’t think that this situation is as black and white as you say” She bit her lips. “Mr Barrow always has been the author of his own misfortunes. Not everyone understood his nature, but I think Charlie did understand, as much as a man of his time could. When it came to his constructed dismissal, there was pressure from outside or rather upstairs and I know Charlie regretted it deeply afterwards.”

“Did he?”

“He did, he was upset for weeks.”

“Alright.”

“You’re not going to level with me?” Elsie asked carefully.

“Not necessarily, we just want to hear what you’ve got to say, whether it’s enough or not is another question. We already heard his poor arguments, and that’s why he had to call you in.”

“He called me in?” Elsie stepped closer to Peter as if she was hoping to catch a glimpse of her husband behind the gate.

Saint Peter looked behind his shoulder and back at her. “He’s not here now.” He shuddered at seeing the disappointment in her eyes, he got up and walked around a bit. “But we asked him for suggestions. Suggestions of people that see him for who he really is. When he put you forward, God wasn’t best pleased. There is a reason why people say ‘love is blind’ he never lets spouses and lovers vouch for people, they can never stay objective.”

“Then why am I here?” Elsie was blinking fast in confusion.

“I insisted.” Peter admitted as he was sitting back down in his highchair.

“You did?”

“I like you. I like you a lot because you remind me of me.”

“Why.” Elsie was baffled.

“Your keys for one.” He pointed his finger toward her hip.

Elsie suddenly felt her keys heaving her down, dangling by her thigh. She looked down only to realise she was wearing her housekeeper outfit out of the blue (literally).

“You are very fair, and you guard the house, and most importantly people, the same way I do with Heaven.”

“I see.” Elsie didn’t know how to take such a compliment.

“So I wanted to see you, see how you fight for your sinful man.”

“Sinful, is that what you call him up here?” Elsie had to laugh sarcastically.

“We do now, but that’s why you’re here, to prove us wrong.”

“Try me.”

“What about Mr Molesley then? The poor man only needed a job, a few shillings to survive… Yet your husband was adamant in not hiring him.”

“He hired him in the end.”

“Then bullied him for wanting to be the first footman, then bullied him some more for wanting to change his career…” Peter raised his eyebrows. “The list goes on, Elsie, I’m waiting.”

“Well… he…” She needed a minute to gather her words.

“I can see you agree with me, Elsie, I can see it in your eyes.”

“I’m not ashamed to admit I think his behaviour was wrong, but I also remember he had to deal with other things at the time. Alfred was leaving, for one, his favourite subordinate.” She explained. “He would never let on it made him upset, but it did. Then the tremors started and he was terrified he might not be able to do his job properly.”

“So?”

“Well it’s only human, no?”

“Is that your argument, Elsie?”

“I’m sure he regretted it afterwards.”

“That’s a bit better.”

“He was kind and helped Mr Molesley on many other occasions.”

“Give us an example.”

“He erm-“

Saint Peter just laughed.

“He guided him through his work. He always looked out for all of his subordinates.”

“All of them?”

“Yes.” Elsie stood her ground not willing to budge.

“What about Miss O’Brian, Daisy, Jimmy, or even your friend Mrs Patmore?”

“I am not sure why you are mentioning Miss O’Brian and Jimmy, whatever treatment they got from my husband they thoroughly deserved” She said sternly.

“Alright, what about the other ones?” Peter was testing her.

“You know he learned through his mistakes. Maybe a little slower at times. That surely doesn’t make him worthy of hell!” She wailed the last sentence with such urgency. Tears started falling from her eyes again like raindrops.

“Hmm.” Saint Peter was gaping at her for a few moments as she was quietly whimpering, before he continued. “Why don’t you give me an example then? An example of his kindness.”

“There is myriad of examples.”

“A person then, that he was kind to.”

“I mentioned Alfred already didn’t I.”

“You mean the boy he was unnecessarily rude to for having bad relatives?”

“You call it rudeness I call it caution.” She claimed decisively. “And he gave him a chance and became a good friend and a sort of father figure to him.”

“Hmm.” Peter was observing her with interest. She really was quite determined.

“And what about the family and lady Mary? He was nothing but kind to them.” She was still sniffling a bit but her voice was steady.

“At the expense of others perhaps.”

“Not always.” She corrected him.

“At the expense of you for example.” Peter probed her.

She looked him in the eye and frowned.

“Or your friend, Mrs Patmore.”

“Hm.” Elsie ran her tongue over her teeth thinking. “I know what you’re doing, but you are never going turn me against him.” She exclaimed.

Saint Peter just smiled slyly.

“Charlie’s always been so kind to Lady Mary, even when she was a little girl.” She tried to hide her own feelings regarding that matter even though she suspected Peter knew. “He protected the family no matter what, he did his duty more than very well.”

“Well-“ He wanted to continue bit she jumped in.

“He always guided and set an example to all of his and my staff.”

“Including Mr Branson?”

“He warmed to Mr Branson in the end, and he was never unkind to him.”

“Because of you.”

Elsie bit her lips again. “Why should that make a difference.”

“Do you not think it should?”

“Surely not.” Elsie rolled her eyes in frustration.

“Why not?” Peter kept being insistent.

“Because it’s still the same kindness coming from within his heart and not mine.” She shook her head and earned a smile from the saint.

“Very well then,” Peter started again. “That’s his kindness towards others but what about you, Elsie? What about his lack of kindness towards you?”

“There’s always been more than plenty of kindness in our marriage - never a lack.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am.”

Saint Peter just raised his eyebrows.

“I never complained.” She gradually succumbed to his omnipresent judgement.

“Never?” His eyebrows were so high they seemed to be floating just above his forehead.

“No.” Elsie said inaudibly, swallowing her nerves.

“Not even to Beryl Patmore?” He reminded her.

“Well-“

“I didn’t ask you here to fabricate a wishful story-“ Peter thundered but the housekeeper interrupted him.

“Maybe one or two times I complained.” Elsie was now fidgeting with her skirt. “But we always resolved it in the end.” She added with fervour. “We love-d each other dearly.”

“Hmm, I see.” He backed down a tad.

“To me he is…” She dithered. “He was a kind husband, a loving companion, a caring friend…”

“And?” Peter sensed she had something on the tip of her tongue.

“…and a selfless lover.” She added proudly, unashamed. She never felt as loved and worshiped as she felt during their nights of passion.

“I’ve seen better.” Peter said levelly after a moment of awkward silence.

“I didn’t know you watched!” Elsie looked up at him - embarrassment now replaced by exasperation.

“Well-“ Peter started blushing as well. “We see everything.” He cleared his throat hoping they’d change the subject soon.

“Well then you must know.” She started again with passion. “Then you must know what a kind man he is-“ She continued reiterating everything that she already said and more. And Saint Peter just sat there, listening until he raised his hand to stop her heartfelt monologue.

“I’ve heard enough!” He rumbled decisively but also offered her a proud smile.

“I-“ Elsie found it hard to suddenly stop talking.

“Thank you, Elsie,” He said and pulled a lever covered with pearls beside him.

It opened a double-door under Elsie’s feet and she fell through it within seconds.

Then she opened her eyes again. She was back in their cottage, in their comfy bed. It was still dark. She could sense her husband’s body laying next to her. She turned to face him and hugged him from behind, whispering “I love you so much, Charlie.” He didn’t respond and she squeezed him tighter. “Charlie?” She checked after a moment and then panicked. “Charlie?” Her blood turned cold as silence prevailed…

[sohannabarberaesque]

Postcards from Snagglepuss (Minnesota State Fair edition)

Of misty mornings, scones and coffee

Seven in the morning ... when the Minnesota State Fairgrounds can be said to come into a life of its own as things get started for another day of the fair.

Which this particular morning sees Huckleberry Hound and yours truly, joint partners in a rather interesting road trip experience, repair to the French Meadow Bakery's premi in the face of a misty drizzle for breakfast--or is that brekkie, as my Australian compadre Kwicky Koala would refer thereto? More specifically, fruit-filled scones with creme fraiche drizzling over the top, fresh from the on-premises ovens even, and some decently-crewed Fairtrade Organic coffee.

Yours truly chose peach; Huck, strawberry. Fresh frozen, for the most part, sweetened in its own juices even!

And finding a seat on the patio of the aforementioned, we two couldn't resist as much such delectable fruit scones as much as the company of stunned early-morning fairgoers trying to figure out the day's plans for making the fair rounds--but harketh! some such seem as surprised as crazed teenage fans of some rock music star, wondering where we were all their lives even as we were trying to get nourished on scones and coffee! Perhaps it was selfie opportunities more than anything that aroused their attention, long-suppressed memories even!!

As if that weren't enow--

"Huckleberry Hound? Snagglepuss? Do you recognise us?"

For some reason, Yakky Doodle and his faithful compadre, Chopper the bulldog, made their way to the French Meadow, sitting practically at the next table over.

"Heavens to nostalgia shows!" saith I.

"And rather stunned we could come across you two," Huckleberry added.

"Aww, it wasn't anything" was how Chopper remarked, preferring a strawberry-banana protein smoothie to start the day. Yakky, for his part, enjoyed the odd handful of his favourite cracked corn that Chopper brought along. "So what brings you both to the fair?"

"To put it simply, Chopper and Yakky," Huck remarked, "we like to spend a few days here heading into the fall." Myself: "And what were you to say if, heading into the fall, you were to join us after the fair for some sojourning into our new premises?"

"What 'new premises' are you speaking of?" asked an incredulous Chopper.

"Our motorhome," saith I. "I decided to swap my long-running Mini Cooper for a slightly modest-size motorhome with my longtime bud, Huckleberry Hound even, and maybe a few of my fellow Funtastic-type friends from time to time."

"Boy," Yakky responded enthusiastically, "isn't that going to be an improvement ... at least that mean old Fibber Fox won't get into much of a scrape with us!"

"So, Yakky and Chopper," Huckleberry remarked, "consider yourself part of our party for the fall. By way of a little cabin Crazy Claws has out by Wisconsin Dells."

"Not a bad thing, eh, Yakky?" was how Chopper responded.

"But you're just the first," I added. "There's bound to be a few others coming along after the fair ends."

Leaving Yakky and Chopper with nothing but the best, Huck was quick to enquire, "By the way, Snag ... who else did you have in mind for the fall part of the trip?"

"You'll see," said I. "Especially as Peter Potamus has plans for us to join him and his Magic Divers for some diving this winter in the Caribbean via his Diver's Delight."

"Formerly Yogi's Jolly Rodger," Huck remarked.

Satisfied, nourished even, with the scones and coffee, it was noted that the two of us would be doing some celebrity server duty at the All-You-Can-Drink Milk Stand down the way later in the day ... but not before noticing Magilla Gorilla trying out the Dole Fruit Whip stand in close proximity. (That's basically selected tropical fruits whipped up like soft-serve ice cream. Supposed to be more nutritious.)

"Jeez," Magilla noted, "you ever try soft-serve bananas?" as he was handed a dish thereof. (Obviously, Magilla just cannot resist bananas in any form. Peebles' Pet Shop, don't you know.)

*************

@warnerbrosentertainment @stuffaboutminnesota @jellystone-enjoyer @a-gang-of-silly-bananas @archive-archives @thebigdingle @themineralyoucrave @princessgalaxy505 @screamingtoosoftly @thylordshipofbutts @warnerbros-blog1 @indigo-corvus @theweekenddigest @iheartgod175 @warnerbrosent-blog

[sublimeobservationarcade]

Only 1 In 6 Aussies Interact With An Indigenous Australian

The numbers don’t lie but rather tell the real story of an already divided country. These conservative white politicians going around warning of the divisive potentialities of the Voice to Parliament are full of the proverbial. The fact that only 1 in 6 Aussies interact with an Indigenous Australian means that most of us don’t really know an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander. We live largely separate lives and only hear about them in the news. We have no idea what it is like to walk in their shoes. Therefore, the calls to vote No are misguided because the status quo is not alright for the majority of First Nations Australians.

Less Than 20% Of Us Know A First Nation Australian

How can we say everything is alright as it is when the data tells us that most Indigenous Australians trail behind in terms of wealth, health, education and opportunity. Closing the gap has been a target for many years and remains largely unsuccessful. It is time to listen to those impacted by being Aboriginal in Australia. A Voice to Parliament in the Constitution is the only way to stop Indigenous issues being used as a political football by our adversarial politicians. They are playing their games with the Voice as we speak. Less than 20% of us know a First Nation Australian – what does that say about our country? https://www.pc.gov.au/closing-the-gap-data/annual-data-report/report

Just 1 In 6 Of Us Socialise With An Aboriginal

Talk about the hidden truth of Australian culture. White commentators bang on about Australia not being a racist nation, well, ignorance is bliss, they say. If you don’t know an Indigenous Australian and don’t regularly commune with her or him – how the bloody hell would you even know. ‘I’m alright Jack,’ is an Australianism and it refers to a me-centric attitude in life. You cannot make a decision about this referendum on the basis of your own feelings and circumstance. It calls for a deep dive into the perspective of First Nations Australians. This is about being big enough to recognise the need for self-empowerment to be granted to Indigenous Australians. A voice at the table where decisions are made, forever, because it will be enshrined in the Australian Constitution. Meaning that the Libs and Nat’s can’t come in and shaft it, like Tony Abbott did slashing half a billion dollars from the budget back in 2014. “Before his election last September, Tony Abbott claimed he'd be a Prime Minister for Indigenous affairs. But in his government's first budget, Indigenous affairs have taken some of the most savage cuts. The budget will see cuts to Indigenous spending by more than half-a-billion dollars over five years in a significant shake-up. The chairman of the National Aboriginal Community Controlled Health Organisation, Justin Mohamed, says he believes as much as $90 million could come out of Indigenous health services. "By reducing money out of the bucket, it obviously puts a squeeze on a whole lot of things, so there's going to be a limit on what the Aboriginal health portfolio can do in total. I think, like most things that get chopped during this time, is the preventative side of health, which is what we really need in Aboriginal health." “ - (https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/indigenous-affairs-hit-by-savage-budget-cuts/pubaukm55)

The facts about the Coalition and their attitude toward Indigenous affairs are there to see in black and white. Leaders like Peter Dutton and before him Scott Morrison, Tony Abbott, and John Howard do not want to have to deal with real Aboriginal people with a voice. They want to continue the whole white man knows best narrative. For most Australians, it is a case of out of sight is out of mind when it comes to the realities of day to day living for many First Nations people in this country. Only 1 in 6 Aussies interact with an Indigenous Australian. Ask yourself how many First Nations friends do you have? How often do you have a heart to heart with an Aboriginal Australian? “Indigenous Australians A significant group that faces shocking rates of racism across Australia are Indigenous Australians. Reconciliation Australia reported that in 2020 52% of Indigenous people had recently experienced an incident of racial prejudice in the previous six months. This figure is an almost 10% increase from 2018. The Australian government in the 2020 National Agreement on Closing the Gap acknowledged that Indigenous people continue to face ‘entrenched disadvantage… and ongoing institutional racism’. This racism extends beyond racist attacks by other Australians and is often felt in institutional settings such as our justice system, healthcare system and educational facilities. More than half of Indigenous Australians reported facing discrimination in educational institutions. Institutional racism limits access to essential resources and services, denying individuals opportunities and worsening cycles of disadvantage. “ - (https://www.amnesty.org.au/does-australia-have-a-racism-problem-in-2021/)

The Constitution Is A Largely British Construction “During the 1890s representatives from the six Australian colonies came together at meetings called ‘constitutional conventions’ to draft a document which would provide for a new level of national government. By 1898 the delegates had agreed on a draft which they took back to their respective parliaments to be approved. The final draft of the Constitution was approved by a vote of the people who were eligible to take part in referendums, which was held in each jurisdiction between June 1899 and July 1900. The Constitution was then agreed to by the British Parliament, which passed the Commonwealth of Australia Constitution Act in July 1900. Even though the Constitution was originally part of a British Act of Parliament, its ongoing legitimacy now rests on its approval, acceptance, and ability to be amended, by the people of Australia.” - (https://www.aec.gov.au/referendums/learn/the-constitution.html) Most modern Australians would not know just how British we all were back in the day. At the time the Constitution was created most white Aussies would consider themselves British to their bootstraps. These folk would fight in the Boer Wars and two World Wars to defend the interests of the motherland. Much of the Australian flag design reproduces the Union Jack – Britain’s national flag. This British identity still pulses proudly within a core of conservative white Australians. Witness the referendum defeat for an Australian Republic in 1999. The same organisations and, indeed, people or their offshoots are mounting the No Vote campaign to the Voice today. These people want to hold onto every vestige of power that they can and do not want to share Australia with First Nations Australians. Is this racist? Yes. Their vision of Australia is a colonial one, with the descendants of British people ruling their island continent and the darkies marginalised around the fringes. It used to be commonly thought by white Australia that Aboriginal people would die out. It was not that long ago that this belief was openly shared by the populace.

I do not see white Australians going out of their way to get to know Indigenous Aussies. To get to the heart of the matter, so to speak. Racist Australia is largely happy with the status quo. Many people get uncomfortable when they see dark skinned faces in their neighbourhood- they worry about their property and its security. Giving First Nations Australians a voice to parliament is the last thing that many want to do. The polls are telling us this right now. The authentic nature of Australians and their racist inclinations will be revealed to the world this October. Oh, excuses will be made and the Peter Dutton’s will claim it is the will of the nation on the basis of wanting a united country. Yes, a united white Australia, where Aboriginals can get into line at the back of the queue. Vote Yes I will be voting Yes, because it is time to really listen to First Nations Australians. We, as a nation, are big enough to host a diversity of views. It is the right thing to do, after centuries of neglect and institutional discrimination. If Australia is this great place, a wealthy nation, then, let us ensure that those suffering are heard and something done about it. Vote Yes. Robert Sudha Hamilton is the author of Money Matters: Navigating Credit, Debt & Financial Freedom. ©WordsForWeb

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[alexjcrowley]

Okay fine I have to do everything in this house

Referring to the 1968-69 show because I am old

No. 1: the Slag brothers in the boulder mobile

Seeing as I am doing this in 2024, I'll go with the Alpine line up Pierre Gasly and Esteban Ocon. They would probably drive faster if they had The Flinstones car you have to carry yourself and run.

No. 2: The Gruesome Twosome in the Creepy Coupe

Who gets the car of nightmares? I wanna say Haas, because as much as Alpine is failing this year and I would kiss Kevin Magnussen on the lips for what he did in Jaddah, who of us is reacting any differently than screaming in horror if we find out our favourite driver ended up in Haas? Also the dragon is definitely the spirit of Gunther Steiner still haunting the team.

No. 3: Professor Pat Pending in the Convert-A-Car

A car that can adapt to every circumstances? Now that would be a miracle. Unfortunately, I'll go with Alfa Romeo/Sauber/Stake F1 Team/Future Audi for their particularly pronounced tendency to change name every few years just to confuse everybody on the paddock (at least the ex Alpha Tauri still has Racing Bulls in it and a somewhat recognisable logo).

No 4. : Red Max in the Crimson Haybaler

Yeah, I don't care it's red, the name of the pilot should suffice, plus this literally flies, which is more or less what RedBull cars have been doing for a while. And if there were any other doubts, let me just add: it's not a coincidence it's one of the few cars without a co-pilot, he can win this game all on his own.

No. 5: Penelope Pitstop in the Compact Pussycat

You can try to convince me this ain't Ferrari and you can fail. Doesn't matter the performance, they stay the most stylish car on track. And Penelope is definitely devilishly gorgeous.

No. 6: Sergeant Blast and Private Meekly in the Army Surplus Special

I'll be honest, I'll go with Williams because Logan's surname is literally Sargeant. Williams wants YOU to represent USA at the rich european family motorsport.

 No. 7: Ant Hill Mob in the Bulletproof Bomb

Mixed bag of wayyy too many guys for just one car. I'm getting Alpha Tauri VisaCashAppRB switching seats every three months vibes. Also those guys are as tall and as angry as Yuki Tsunoda.

No. 8: Lazy Luke and Blubber Bear in the Arkansas Chuggabug

One's too anxious, the other doesn't break a sweat. These are definitely Norris edging for a win and Oscar with the Kimi Räikkönen attitude in a McLaren.

No. 9: Peter Perfect in the Turbo Terrific

No one could embody the perfect gentleman aura of Peter Perfect like the Britcedes duo. They act like British Royalty, and, like Peter always comes in aid of Penelope, Lewis is for obvious reasons quite friendly with Charles this season. Yeah, the car is shaped like a dick, but that's a subtle reference to George Russell being a meme lord.

No. 00: Dick Dastardly and Muttley in the Mean Machine

An old man ready to sabotage everyone on the race and his loyal sidekick? Fernando Alonso and Lance Stroll could not have more accurately represented.

About the Rufus Ruffcut and Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon erasure, blame Tumblr for not allowing more than 10 pictures in a post, but also F1 for turning down Andretti's offer, otherwise we could have done all of the 11 cars.

F1 x Wacky Races crossover when

[chaoticladyfire]

Things I screamed about in ATSV (spoilers)

-Got to rewatch the film so I’m just going to add the colours changing to warmer tones when Gwen hugs her father. Not even ten minutes in and I was already crying.

-Realised that we missed the Gwen-Vulture fight BUT got to see Jessica Drew enter the scene like a bad ass in her bad ass bike and hearing the audience collectively say ‘me too’ when Gwen asked if Jessica could adopt her. 

-Screaming OSCAR ISAAC when Miguel spoke

-Lyla. Just Lyla.

- ‘Do you say anything other than no?’ ‘No-YES!’ more of miguel and jessica pls

-The Spot’s introduction. I didn’t see any promotional stuff, teasers or even trailers before watching this film so I had no idea who or what the The Spot was which was great because he really went from villain of the week to villain of the movie. And they clearly had a great time choreographing the fight scenes with him

-Miles’ heating up the beef patty while the spot and the convenience store man argue

-Miles patting the spot’s with a ‘good cow’ text

-Gwen and Miles both having to deepen their voices to avoid being recognised by their respective cop dads

-Miles saying that he can get two cakes when the counsellor says you can’t have your cake and eat it too and then bringing two cakes for his father’s party and neither of them saying what he wanted to convey. 

-Rio and Jeff scolding an annoyed miles but instantly smiling when a relative hugs them what an universal experience 

-Gwen teasing Miles for drawing her in his notebook almost obsessively but also breaking the biggest rule to spend time with him knowing the consequences. 

-As they went to talk, my friend leaned over and said ‘yeah I bet they will talk’ and when they only talked he groaned very loudly at which point I had to remind him Miles was only 15 

-Watching Jeff talk to Spiderman about his son not knowing his son is spiderman

-The DJ increasing the volume when Miles’ parents started scolding him in the middle of the party (the real mvp of the movie actually) 

-JK Simmons cameo that no one seems to be talking about??? Embarrassingly enough I had to literally scream into my friend’s ear for most of the people to realise it was indeed JK Simmons

-Just the entire Mumbattan scene. It was so exciting to see my city be represented like that, still a bit cliched in my opinion but not like Slumdog so obviously they have updated their views. Everything from the traffic gag to Pav’s rant about chai tea had the theatre howling. Also the detail of the thought boxes (?) and sounds being written in Hindi 

-Screaming DANIEL KALUUYA

-My friend and I are huge fans of the UK punk scene (her for the ideologies and myself for the music and fashion) so Hobie was a dream come true. He was already super cool with his guitar and mohawk costume but when he revealed his face it was just so amazing

-Gayatri is every indian’s dream girl with her modern shirt-flannel and jeans combo mixed with bangles and piercings I really wish we get to see more of her in the next movie. Anyway there was a lot of wolf-whistling and hooting for her and Pav

-Also Pavitr literally means pure I don’t know if they did that on purpose or not but I love it

-His pet name being Pav cured my soul

-’This is the most emotional I have seen him’ and Captain Singh has no emotions at all

-I want to see how they came up with so many spider designs because each was so unique and immediately endearing. My friend who is also a big dinosaur fan screamed DINOSAUR 

-Kind of obsessed with how detailed Ben Reilly’s arms are they did not need to go that hard with it

-Tom Holland’s Spider-Man being referred to as ‘the little nerd’ by Miguel

-When everyone was making puns about the Spot my friend leaned over and said ‘i wonder which hole the spot prefers’ it is a miracle we are still friends actually

-The Donald Grover cameo!!!

-Peter B Parker having a cute little baby with the love of his life is what he deserves

-Miguel O Hara is one step away from becoming a Batman-Spiderman 

-Hobie’s admiration for Mayday being the avatar of chaos Spider-baby

-Screaming ANDY SAMBERG

-I think they saw the appreciation for the art style in the previous film and then trebled it for this film and I cannot thank them enough for it

-Peter complaining about how Miguel breaks the Spiderman tradition of being funny and witty and Miguel being the first anomaly 

-Every scene with the Spot is very unnerving because as I said, you watch him transform from this joker to a literal void of vengeance and it is every bit of terrifying

-Miguel is a man suffering from the destruction of an entire universe because of his selfish actions and forcing that anomaly narrative on a fifteen year old boy who became a spiderman on accident and doesn’t want his father to die because of that. Unlike the Spot, who isn’t even human anymore, Miguel is drowning in grief and guilt and trying to ignore it by holding the weight of the spider-verse on his shoulder. I hated him so much for making a boy go through that but then I just couldn’t in the end. 

-Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire cameo!!! Hopefully we’ll get a fun Tom Holland one too in the next movie.

-’Let me guess, he died?’ being a therapist for Spider Men must be a fairly boring job after a few patients.

-I just loved the absolute of wrongness of the scene where Miles returns ‘home’. The rain and darkness. I didn’t really think about Rio asking Miles what happened to his hair because I thought she was referring to the rain (although of course she wouldn’t ask him why his hair was wet when it was obviously raining outside) but realised something was wrong when he didn’t know about comic con but she did because in the first film there’s a joke about Peter B Parker explaining the concept to Miles. 

- This movie is not good for my father related issues

-The glaring neon welcome sign when the gang end up in Earth 42

-How did Uncle Aaron get even scarier? 

-Miles being the Prowler is honestly a great twist I saw it coming but still felt the shock of the reveal

-Prowler Miles having an accented voice meaning his father probably died when he was young and he only had his mom growing up

-Can’t wait for the original spider team to return for the third film seeing as they brought back Spider-Man Noir and Spider Ham and Peni Parker

-Screaming WHAT when the ‘to be continued’ appeared because that cliffhanger is absolutely destructive. All that adrenaline and excitement just popped. I’m still oscillating between being impressed and being disappointed. 

I probably skipped over a lot of other scenes because these were the most memorable and I only watched the film once (unfortunate) but I can’t wait for the movie to hit streaming services and watch it again and again for all the other details I missed. Ill probably keep adding things as I remember

[charliethomascoxuniverse]

He who Dares: Marvel star Charlie Cox on moving to Dublin, gangland crime, and perfecting the accent

The Kin and Daredevil star has played alongside greats such as Robert De Niro and Al Pacino, but he says as an actor you never presume you’ve ‘arrived’

By Niamh Donnelly  March 24, 2023  (X) (X)

Charlie Cox is on the move. When I Zoom-call the British actor to talk about his role in the latest series of RTÉ drama Kin, he’s in the back of a car, phone camera swaying slightly from the movement of the vehicle. More precisely, he’s in New York being ferried to and from meetings for what he calls “this new show”.

Cryptic. Might he be referring to the much-anticipated Disney+ Marvel series Daredevil: Born Again in which he plays the title role? He might. “We start shooting next week.”

In the run-up, the 40-year-old has been doing “gym work, and stunt work, and accent work, and just brushing up on a lot of the stuff I would have done before,” he says. “It’s been a while since I’ve played the character in his own show, as it were.”

Indeed, Cox played Daredevil in a Netflix series of the same name from 2015 to 2018. But given the licensing saga that followed, he’d be forgiven for thinking he had long since hung up his superhero suit.

Briefly, a clash of contracts between streaming platforms Disney+ and Netflix left some characters caught in the crossfire. Netflix lost the rights to air anything Marvel-related, while Disney was pumping resources into new Marvel projects and pretending the Netflix version of that world and its characters didn’t exist. Daredevil was one such character. Fans were so miffed that their favourite blind New York lawyer turned vigilante crime-fighter was stuck in no man’s land, they launched a #SaveDaredevil campaign.

Whether for this or reasons pertaining to complex contracts and their expiry, Cox’s hero eventually became the first lead character to cross the threshold from Netflix to Disney’s Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). He made a cameo in Spider-Man: No Way Home, guest starred in She-Hulk and is soon to be “born again” in his new show.

It must be an extraordinary feeling when people campaign to see you on screen. Did Cox’s world change when he became a Marvel star, and was exposed to its fandom?

“When you play a Marvel character, you do immediately become more recognisable, and the fan base is incredibly enthusiastic and passionate,” he says. “It’s great when the fans feel like what you’re doing is good and they appreciate the character that you’ve created, and the show is successful and well regarded. But equally if that wasn’t to be the case, I’m sure it feels pretty lonely.”

Cox hardly need worry about such things: YouTube is chock-full of glowing reaction videos to Daredevil’s appearance in Spider-Man and the buzz around his new show is strong. But even aside from his Marvel chops, Cox has an impressive CV. From his early appearance in the 2007 fantasy film Stardust to starring in two seasons of HBO’s Boardwalk Empire and his leading part in the Netflix spy miniseries Treason, he’s amassed a stellar list of acting credits.

His role as Michael Kinsella in Kin might never have come about were it not for his wife, Samantha Thomas, and her role as executive vice president at Bron Studios which produced the drama along with RTÉ. When Thomas first got Peter McKenna’s script, she showed it to her husband.

“Initially, she just thought I should read it because she was interested to hear what my opinion would be,” he says. “And I read it and I immediately fell in love with it.”

Because a Covid lockdown had hit, the prospect of keeping their family together while the pair worked on the same project made perfect sense. Along with their son and daughter, they set up camp in Dublin.

“And it ended up being a really fantastic decision. We had such a great time. We’ve now spent two seasons in Dublin making the show. [During] the first one, we didn’t get to see much of the city because obviously everyone was in lockdown, and it was all just about working. But this past summer, I really got to experience Dublin in its full glory.”

This included partaking in what now seems a rite of passage for Hollywood stars who come to Dublin: jumping in the Irish Sea.

“I did it almost every day. I absolutely loved it. In fact, during the second season of the show, I actually chose living accommodation near Vico [Baths in Dalkey], so I could walk down every day. And for me, the colder the better. I couldn’t have been happier, waking up and getting in the sea before work.”

Whatever was in the water, it must have worked. The first season of Kin, which saw Cox’s character return from jail and attempt to get his daughter back while becoming embroiled in his family’s gangland feud, broke RTÉ drama streaming records with 2.1 million views.

Peter McKenna, Kin’s co-creator and showrunner has remarked that the cast is “probably the strongest thing about [it].” Cox’s co-stars include Clare Dunne (The Last Duel), Aiden Gillen (Game of Thrones, Love/Hate), Emmet J Scanlan (The Fall) and Maria Doyle Kennedy (The Commitments).

What drew him immediately to his role, he says, was the contrast between what we know of Michael and how we perceive him as we follow his story.

“When we meet Michael at the beginning of season one, he’s just coming out of prison. And I felt like it was pretty clear that the man we were meeting was very different from how the family members described or remembered him.

“As an acting exercise, I found that to be quite an interesting challenge: to play someone who has a reputation of being someone you absolutely do not want to cross. There’s a side to him that’s incredibly scary and violent and dangerous, but the man we’re meeting for various reasons is actually in a very vulnerable place and trying to hide that vulnerability from the world.”

Indeed, this sense of vulnerability or morality is something often Cox brings to his more cut-throat roles, be they an MI6 agent (Treason), an ex-IRA enforcer (Boardwalk Empire), a vigilante crime fighter (Daredevil), or a gangland criminal (Kin).

“I always try to approach any character as if it’s a clean slate. So I’m not knowingly trying to do things in a similar fashion. But I always think that there must be more to [people] than meets the eye. And so often when you’re playing, a ‘good guy’, I think it’s important to make sure that you focus on the qualities he has that aren’t maybe so righteous.

“Similarly, if you’re playing someone who’s got a pretty violent history, it’s also important to see the sides of them that an audience might identify with, where you could easily be friends with one of these guys and not know what they get up to in their business life.”

Cox wasn’t familiar with the Dublin gangland scene before Kin, but as research he listened to episodes of Eamon Dunphy’s podcast The Stand with journalist Nicola Tallant.

“I was kind of blown away,” he says. “What I was reading – what our show is loosely based on – is happening right now. It’s current. It’s not in the past. It’s a real thing. You know, that was a little disconcerting to me at first. I was like, wow, I can’t believe [it] . . . this is ballsy.”

Similarly, Cox didn’t have any particular connection with Dublin before signing up to Kin. All the more impressive, then, that he manages to produce a pitch-perfect accent. How did he master such a notoriously difficult task?

“I have an amazing accent coach – two really fantastic accent coaches, actually,” he says.

The first is Poll Moussoulides, a dialect expert who had worked on Normal People with Daisy Edgar-Jones. The second is Emmet Kirwan, the Irish actor.

“I got in touch with him – I’d seen one of his movies, and I felt like his accent was really good. So, I copied [it]. I had him record a lot of my lines.”

Along with Kirwan, the voice of ex-footballer Shane Supple provided inspiration for Cox.

“Poll found this interview with him, and there was a quality in his voice that I thought would be kind of right for Michael. I would listen to that and try and learn [it] by rote. And then once we started filming, I’d stay in the accent all day while I [was] at work.”

The on-screen Cox might make a convincing Dubliner, but the off-screen one hails from East Sussex. He is the son of Trisha and Andrew (a publisher) and the youngest of five, with one older brother and three much older half-siblings. Acting was something he always enjoyed as an extracurricular activity, but it wasn’t until the end of his schooling that he began to take it more seriously.

“I was doing lead parts in plays and enjoying it more and more. It was during the production of one of those plays when an audience member who worked at LAMDA [The London Academy of Music and Dramatic Art] came up to me and suggested I might want to audition for drama school.”

Cox took this advice and tried out for some of Britain’s most prestigious acting courses. He ended up at the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School, but just a year into his studies was offered a role alongside Al Pacino in the 2004 film adaptation of The Merchant of Venice. Because the school had a policy of not letting students take part in outside productions, he decided to leave and make a start on his career.

Cue a succession of screen and theatre roles alongside the likes of Claire Danes, Steve Buscemi, Michael Caine, Robert De Niro and many more. Were there moments along the way when he really felt he had made it as an actor?

“You know, it’s funny because in retrospect, there have been moments where it just feels like everything’s clicking and you’re getting a lot of the jobs you’re going for, and you’re working back-to-back. But in the moment that it’s happening, I have never really felt that way,” he says.

“On paper, you go on IMDB and you see [Stardust and Boardwalk Empire], and that looks like a really clear trajectory. But in reality, I shot Stardust in 2006. Boardwalk Empire was in 2011.”

He also points out that his Boardwalk Empire role got bigger as the series continued.

“When I got it, it was a small part. They only offered me three episodes. And if you think about it, I’d been the lead in Stardust which was a big Hollywood movie. And then in 2011, five years later, I’m taking a three-episode arc on a TV show because things had not escalated in the way that I’d hoped they would from being in a movie with Robert De Niro.”

Perhaps owing to this early wobble, or perhaps because of the insecure nature of acting as a career in general, Cox has always had the feeling of “staring down the barrel of looming unemployment – not knowing where the next pay cheque’s going to come from”.

“I have been very fortunate. The phone has always rung, and I’ve always gone back to work. But there have been, you know, long periods in between. I’ve never felt completely confident in the idea that the work will continue to present itself.”

Cox does however, say that he’s learnt a lot from the uncertainty of his career. “It’s a great discipline, because it really [teaches] you – and it took me quite a long time to learn this – [that] you have to really learn to love the job you’re doing in the moment that you’re doing it. And try not to project too far into the future about where you’re going to be this time six months, a year. Because you can ruin the experience of a really amazing job by worrying about what’s coming next.”

Being in the moment is also key to how Cox approaches acting. “A lot of it is instinct, and a lot of it should be instinct, but for your instinct to be well informed is a really good thing. My experience has taught me that you do as much homework as you possibly can, so that when you’re on set you don’t have to think about it. It’s a bit like sports: an athlete [or] a tennis player. You drill, and drill, and drill all your shots so that when you’re in the game, you don’t think about it, you just play them.”

On the topic of sports, Cox is a devoted Arsenal fan. Will his beloved team, now seated at the top of the Premier League table, pull off the win this season?

“I can’t answer that question. It’s too fraught with emotion for me at the moment. All I’ll say it’s a very exciting time, and I hope we can maintain the standard. I believe it’s possible. I’m starting to believe it’s possible.”

Besides, Cox’s busy life doesn’t allow a whole lot of time for fretting over league tables.

“I have a young family. So right now, whenever I’m not working, it’s spending time with my kids and my wife. That’s my priority. I’m really conscious that when I do work, I work really hard. And I love my work. I’m very grateful to have work. But when you are filming something it’s a huge commitment. So it’s really important to me that I don’t want to blink and my kids are going off to college . . . that’s my whole world. They’re my whole world right now.”

~*~

[raimispiderman]

An interview with Kirsten Dunst from an old issue of Total Film! A very old issue, which is why the scans are so crinkly. 

*

Originally published in Total Film #90, July 2004.

“I’m not a fan of sequels,” Kirsten Dunst firmly declares. “Sometimes when a thing is good they should just let it be.” Lucky she’s not appearing in the most wildly anticipated sequel of the summer, then. Oh, hang on... 

“This is different,” she laughs knowingly. “Different” being the operative word with the Spider-Man movies. “Different” is hiring a director (Sam Raimi) and two stars (Dunst, Tobey Maguire) who have never previously been in sniffing distance of a blockbuster and entrusting them with a megabucks franchise. “Different” is a comic-book movie that satisfies the aficionados, the critics and the multiplex crowds to the tune of $820 million. If it hadn’t been “different”, Dunst would never have agreed to play Spidey love interest Mary Jane Watson in the first place.

“I don’t like doing stunts and action stuff,” shesays. “It doesn’t excite me that much. But I loved the story. Spider-Man at heart is a very simple love story. I think that’s why it was so successful. It’s a smaller story in a big, fantastical film.”

In the absence of MJ’s scarlet barnet and any cackling, psychotic scientists holding her captive, the former child actress looks less like her Spider-Man character and more like someone who might work in publishing. Tucked away in one of the cosier rooms on the penthouse level of LA’s Century Plaza hotel, she wears a grey sweater, a pastel-striped shirt and jeans and, framed by boyishly short blonde hair, her face looks even more European than usual.

You can see why she was the right choice for Raimi, if not the obvious one. Just as Tobey Maguire’s nervy unease feeds perfectly into Peter Parker, Dunst exudes the old-before-her-time toughness of Mary Jane. Unlike the numerous assembly line cuties who might have got the role, she brings a melancholic gravity to it. We have to believe Mary Jane has had a tricky upbringing, and we do.

Panting around Dunst’s feet — and Total Film’s tape recorder — is Atticus, the one-year-old German Shepherd she shares with boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal. “He’s biting and I’m trying to teach him not to,” she says, presumably referring to Atticus rather than Gyllenhaal. “I have to become the alpha female.”

Dunst is currently in line to be one of Hollywood’s alpha females, too. Provided, of course, that’s what she really wants...

Kirsten Dunst’s life changed on Spider-Man’s record-breaking opening weekend. She remembers that the studio flew the stars home on a private jet. “We started to get the perks after that one,” she laughs.

Such as? “Well, I knew that I didn’t have to do all the stunts I did in the first movie . I was like “No, I’m not doing that. No, I’m not doing that...’ Plus, I could have the resources that I wamted instead of what they told me I was going to have. l could be a little bit more [searching for the right word]. Diva-esque. I could choose my hair and make-up and everyone who worked on Mary Jane’s look. I had the best wigmaker in London do the wig.”

She can thank her red hairpiece for cushioning her sudden transition to worldwide recognition. Filmgoers might have recognised her from her first major role, aged 11, as the ghoulish Claudia in Interview With The Vampire. Maybe they placed her as the scrappy adolescent in Jumanji and Small Soldiers, as the co-star of teen flicks like Drop Dead Gorgeous and Dick or, most memorably, as doomed suburban seductress Lux Lisbon in The Virgin Suicides.

Spider-Man, however, has given her an international profile — which is where the wig comes in handy. "People recognise me from other movies, not just Spider-Man," she says. "But I think if I really had red hair then I'd get it more frequently." 

Since the first Spider-Man, Dunst has been happy to play ensemble roles rather than chasing leads. She's the poetry-quoting lab assistant in Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind and the rich-bitch student under the wing of art lecturer Julia Roberts in Mona Lisa Smile. "You can have the most amazing time with a small role," she says. "It's so fun to come in for two or three weeks and leave and not have the pressure of doing a whole movie. You definitely want a calmer atmosphere after a movie like Spider-Man." 

Spider-Man 2 picks up two years after the end of the first film. Peter Parker is an experienced web- slinger and photographer. Mary Jane is at college, engaged to John Jameson (Daniel Gillies), son of stogie-chomping Daily Bugle editor Jonah, but still keen on Peter. Meanwhile, yet another scientific genius (Alfred Molina as Otto "Dr Octopus" Octavius) has misplaced his marbles and Harry Osborne (James Franco) enlists the robo-armed loon to kill Spider-Man, who he blames for his dad's death. .. You can't say it's not eventful.

This time, however, Dunst had some input into the storyline and politely but firmly requested that Mary Jane cut down on being thrown off tall buildings. "There's a lot less of that. I'm not a fan of heights. This one involved a lot more of being tied up, not so much being dropped, and I'm definitely more aggressive with the evil-doer in this one. I've grown up and I'm not as scared."

Dunst has been instructed by the studio to keep her lips sealed on plot details and scene specifics, but assures us that, "I think, honestly, we've made a better movie. We just went deeper into all the things that people loved in the first one. Everybody's kind of growing up around Peter, but he has such a responsibility to do what he does, it's kind of taking over his life, and MJ is moving on and she's definitely trying to wake Peter up to that fact."

Rumours already abound that there's a follow-up moment to the first movie's memorably moist, upside-down kiss scene, but Dunst is quick to scotch those. "In one scene there is some rain trickling down," she laughs, "but, you know, there are no see-through tops. I'm not as wet in this one." 

She's even cagier when quizzed about the brief period when it looked as if Spider-Man would be recast, either because of back injuries Maguire sustained during Seabiscuit or because of his behaviour, depending on which reports you believe. To make things doubly confusing for Dunst, the prime candidate to don the mask was her significant other, Jake Gyllenhaal.

"Well, Tobey was having some back issues so it was thrown around there," she says cautiously. "It was definitely a complicated time. It was weird." 

How long did the weirdness go on? "I don't know. I'm sure it's not something anybody wants me to talk about, so I'd rather stay away from that area." She laughs nervously. "The right man played Spider-Man."

And so Dunst and Gyllenhaal narrowly avoided becoming an on-screen couple, which would surely have invited tabloid attention. As it is, they're smart, credible and sufficiently private to disappoint the gossips. "It's not like we're a 'famous couple' and that's all we are," she adds. "I don't think people even pay attention to us that much."

She's intensely ambivalent about fame in general. "Everybody treats you like you're a baby," she says disdainfully. "They're like, 'Oh, are you okay?' if you sneeze or something. I definitely think some actors are the biggest babies that I've ever met in my entire life. Because I've grown up in the industry I've seen a lot of people and their behaviour. I just don't want to become one of those stars that the people walking behind them roll their eyes at." 

With 34 films to her name, Dunst often sounds a great deal older than 21. "To grow up in this industry is not easy for later on in life," she sighs. "It kind of messes things up." Kirsten Caroline Dunst made her big-screen debut at the age of six. A veteran of commercials since she was three, she was cast in Woody Allen's segment of the New York Stories triptych. "Woody Allen went and got his daughter Dylan an ice-cream but forgot about the other two kids in the movie, including me," she says. "I remember random little kid things like that. Like in The Bonfire Of The Vanities [in which she played the daughter of Tom Hanks and Kim Cattrall] the dog who was in the back of the car threw up on me..."

Undeterred by mutt vomit and frozen-dessert shortages, she hasn't stopped working since. "Now when I look back I'm like, 'I shouldn't have worked so much.' Working as a child complicates a lot of things — relationships with your parents and money and all those things. It's not the healthiest way to do it. I did enjoy it but I worked a lot when I was younger. Maybe too much. I'll make up for that now."

Her family life was also tough. Her parents, Klaus and Inez, were already estranged when Inez moved Dunst and her younger brother Christian from New Jersey to California to further her daughter's career. Shortly after Interview With The Vampire, which earned Dunst a Golden Globe nomination, they divorced. As the family's main breadwinner, Dunst didn't get to spend her first big paycheque on Barbies.

"No, no, no. Not at all. I helped my family out a lot when I was younger. Not a lot of my money was saved or put away or anything like that. Some of it was for college but then I didn't go to college." 

She sounds despondent talking about it. Is there anything she wishes she'd known earlier? She thinks for a moment. "No, there's nothing. It's maybe good that I was naive about a lot of things, otherwise I would have been more fucked up."

Revealingly, the project with which Dunst would like to launch her own production company is a biopic of Jean Seberg, the tragic A Bout De Souffle star who was monitored by the FBI because of her involvement with the Black Panthers and died of a barbiturate overdose in 'mysterious circumstances'. "I'm interested in how she got swept up in this industry so fast," says Dunst. "I just feel like she acted her life for her family at home and for her husband. She was acting for everyone in a way."

Before that, though, there are some lighter roles. She's about to start filming the Cameron Crowe romcom Elizabethtown and we'll see her next in Wimbledon, a British tennis romance co-starring Paul Bettany. "I haven't picked up a racket since," she says. "I was so sick of tennis after that movie. I've got a really good backhand going. My serve isn't so great, but it's all in the grunting, you know."

Dunst becomes visibly excited about everyday things. She listens to music (current favourites: Rufus Wainwright and The Postal Service), she hangs out with her friends (none of whom are in the industry), she dances, she gets drunk and she tries to maintain an approximation of normality. That, above all else, is why she admires Mary Jane Watson. She looks somehow wistful as she says it: "I just felt like she was a regular girl..."

[missoneminute]

Highlights from the UTB shows

Cardiff

We (myself and Sarah, @suchasinistergame) waited around outside the venue for absolutely hours before the boys arrived quite late for soundcheck on a bus all together around 5.30pm. Andy warned us we shouldn’t stop them as they were behind schedule, but Gary came off the bus first and came up to us all for a hug and chat so that went out the window haha. Peter came off the bus next, and he was looking very dapper in his suit and carrying a cane. He was rushing so I just handed him the gift I had for him – an old cigarette tin with a few dozen old cigarette cards in it which I had legitimately spent the entire pandemic slowly collecting. He called it a ‘dream gift’ and leaned in for a hug. I gave him a side hug because I didn’t want to get my red lipstick on his shirt, as he’d kind of collected me into his middle, which, honestly, I was just dying to squish into. He’s so soffffft. John came off the bus next and stopped for a quick chat, and he was more chatty than usual, before Carl appeared in his sunglasses looking quite cool. He fussed about whether he should have removed them for the photos we took with him as if it was a little pretentious to have them on haha, but I assured him he looked really cool. I handed him some gifts we had for him, including the pfennig necklace from the Netflix series Dark (which he’d said he enjoyed so much when he was on that livestream the boys did during lockdown) and an old shipwreck coin from a wreck that had gone down near Margate. He didn’t immediately recognise the pfennig from the show (he told Sarah last night he felt really bad about that and loved it when he worked it out, what a fucking sweetheart to worry about something so inconsequential – but he had remembered it by the time I next saw him in Edinburgh anyway). He also joked that he had doubts about coins that came with authenticity certificates, which the shipwreck coin did. It’s very much the real deal thanksverymuch, I have a few of my own so I assured him it was legit. I also said that we wanted to find him a cool coin after the ‘coin debacle’ (see Sarah’s posts about that – he gave her crap no less than four times because she had given Peter the same antique Good Old Days gambling token that she gave Carl, and he was annoyed Peter had one too when he tried to show it off to him - but trust me it’s been the funniest saga and she’s not offended haha). Carl was deeply entertained over my reference to the coin drama, he did one of his hard to describe dramatic reactions along with a very sweet chuckle. We took some pics with everyone then headed into the show, which was excellent albeit fairly rough – a lot of shoving and a fight broke out. They played really well and P+C appeared to be getting on excellently – lots of smiles and eyeball communication. After the show, we caught Carl again and he introduced us to his two cousins who were with him. Peter appeared too and schooled me on which cigarette cards I had given him that he liked and which were reproductions – he said he’d been ‘caught out himself’ before. He literally held up cards he liked to explain which I had done well on, it was so fucking funny, the entitlement (what is it with those boys, they’re like submitting something to Antiques Roadshow haha!) He was also surprised when we said the crowd had been quite rough. We mentioned that we wanted to go to his solo show in Tynemouth in a few days but had missed out on tickets, and he said ‘you want tickets? Andy!’ he called out, pointing at him, and sent us over to talk to Andy, who called us over to the doorway of the bus. He headed off onto the bus after that. Andy was there with the other road crew having a red wine, and quickly organised for us to go along to the show, which we were so immensely grateful for. While we were talking to Peter, I had left my tour shirt that I had bought laying down nearby and someone nicked it. I went off to look for it when Andy caught wind of what had happened. He said don’t worry we will get you another shirt (he never did get around to it but I was perfectly happy to buy another and it was an incredibly sweet offer –  everyone in and around this band is the best fucking human). We stood chatting to Andy for a while. Gary came wandering out of the bus while we were standing there chatting and showed us a magazine he had been contributing to, and he had a chat to us about how important the sense of community is around the band, and he very sweetly complimented us on having that energy on our Instagram account. Suddenly a very drunk Carl appeared on the steps of the bus, smiling madly. I have zero memory of why this was brought up but Carl started talking about watching The OA, a show Sarah and I happen to LOVE. He broke into the interpretive dance that is critical to the plot, which was so amusing. I think that marks the third time I’ve had Carl break into an impromptu dance in front of me for… reasons. He then told us that he and Peter had been comparing the monetary value of the gifts we gave them to work out who got more, which was, oh my god we cannot stop laughing about this, it’s just the pettiest possible level of competitiveness, so fucking cute. At some stage I showed Carl my tattoos of his lyrics, and had showed Peter some earlier too, and he read out the one on my arm that said ‘at the palace gates’ in a lovely soft voice. I can’t remember why I was flashing them haha, it’s actually something I find quite embarrassing but I’d had a few drinks. I cannot for the life of me remember what else was said, but Carl gave us both a hug and we headed off after that on a total high.

Tynemouth

We were kind of starstruck getting to see Peter at such a small venue. Well I certainly was, it was just surreal. We stood right in front of him and he was literally inches away belting out songs to maybe 60 people max in this tiny little café in this strange little town by the seaside. It was a dream and so wonderful. We were we glad that we sucked up our pride and asked for tickets, because this was once in a lifetime stuff. For me especially, I couldn’t believe my luck that this was announced right before I came. At first when we missed out on tickets we sort of said oh well, it’s an extra several hours drive and we can miss it, but the closer it got the more I thought this may well be the one time in my life that I ever get to see Peter do a solo acoustic at such a small venue. We figured we would ask Peter directly and he literally just pointed and called out ‘Andy!’ and sent us over to sort it out. It was so cool, honestly, I can’t get over it. He was insane live, his voice is so gorgeous just on its own, just that voice and a guitar, and you could see he absolutely relished playing to such a small crowd, and I think that was more evident to me than ever, how much he just loves to do those sorts of tiny shows. He was immensely passionate and every song was delivered so beautifully. We said no more than a quick hello because he was rushed in and literally sped out in a van just minutes after he finished the gig by Andy, so they could get back to Edinburgh on time. Massive kudos to Andy, that man runs a tight and infallible ship. I was keen to share video but most of the time I just had the phone down, I just wanted to live it so badly and more than anything to be present. One of the coolest things that has ever happened to me hands down.  

Edinburgh

We arrived a few hours early hoping to catch the band, but the problem fan was there waiting too, so we were told that none of us can come near the band because ‘that stalker is here’. It was a really stressful situation for them I think – they put the band behind barriers over near the back entrance, and the other band members came off the bus and waved to us but Carl was literally hidden behind a screen, since he’s the target of this person’s obsession. There were a lot of fans waiting who we got talking to, and it was so disappointing for them that they didn’t get to talk to the boys because of this person. We were really sad for everyone and for Carl too having to deal with this all the time. The show was amazing – P+C were really cuddly and playing so well, some of the best versions we have heard of certain songs like Plan A (we told Carl how good that was later and he seemed pleased to hear it). Carl stunned us all by planting a kiss on Peter’s lips and Sarah and I, predictably, had a meltdown haha. It was so fucking adorable and I could not be more delighted to have seen that in person. We sadly didn’t get any footage and it happened so fast, but another fan did and she kindly let us share it, which was such a relief, we wanted y’all to see it so bad! After the show Peter and Gary got onto the bus without coming over to us all, but John came by for a chat (about Bingley and the canal Sarah tells me as I cannot recall!) They were placed behind a fence so no one could hassle them. Carl came out quite late and did come through the gate and talked to everyone waiting. He said he had waited as long as possible to come out so he was sure the problem fan had left. We chatted to him once more about various nerdy things such as my theory about the OA being about OCD. Carl didn’t agree (“jury’s out on that one!” he said in a very comical fashion) but he said he also does those rituals people do to stop bad things from happening. He said he had “saved us all so many times” that way, which we found really touching and candid. Sarah tells me he did the dance from the show AGAIN but I had forgotten that haha. We also got talking about manifestation, and he said he is a huge believer in it. ‘It’s a science!’ Carl stated with extreme seriousness. ‘Erm, I don’t think it is?’ I replied. ‘It is, it’s a SCIENCE’ he said again. Seriously Sarah and I have not stopped losing it over that statement and his deep conviction regarding it, and since we are huge nerds for manifestation we super enjoyed learning that he’s also prone to various forms of magical thinking. He called himself a massive nerd at some point too, which he has lately really been into saying about himself haha. He said he has watched so many Netflix shows that he can’t remember what he’s already seen - relatable. Carl also spoke about a new medication he was trying for his mental health but admitted he’s not great at staying on medication, and I said I could recommend some haha. I asked him if he could write out his favourite lyric he’d ever written so I could tattoo it, and he said I already had one of his favourites (“sew it up kid have some clout”) and he took my arm to look at it quite affectionately while running his thumb across the lettering, which was lovely and I had BIG EMOTIONS over. I said I was glad he actually wrote that one as I wasn’t sure, and he reacted with extremely dramatic mock horror. “Well it’s a band! It’s a democracy!” I insisted, and he agreed haha. He struggled over it a while trying to think what to write, then wrote out “you’ll find me somewhere over the railings” on my forearm. He gave me and Sarah both a hug and a kiss at the same time, which was so sweet. It was a super fun chat, I wish I could remember more of what we all said but Carl was on fire, he was being so fucking funny and animated.

 Margate

Oh boy. Oh boy. This was madness. We had booked to stay at the Albion Rooms on the 17th of August months and months before that show was announced. When we spoke to Carl in Edinburgh and said we were heading for the Albion Rooms, he told us to DM him and that he’d do something special for our visit, honestly what he meant was kind of unclear. Then we got a tip that said BE THERE ON THE 17TH and something special was happening. We were literally already booked to stay that day! It was NUTS. We didn’t dare to dream that it would be a show, but low key we both desperately hoped it was. It seemed too big to hope for, but we kept our eyes peeled every day for an announcement – and then one was made. We bought tickets immediately in the middle of the street and were just, literally screaming haha. By then my boy BFF was with us as well having flown in from LA so it was just so perfect for him, too, since we had never seen the Libs together and he has never met any of them. On the day we waited out front hoping to run into the band arriving. Gary turned up and chatted to us for a long while, about his holiday to France with his family, and showed us the various books that he had bought in Margate for his sons. Andy turned up too and had us googling gluten free food in Margate for him to eat haha which we found very amusing. The problem fan was there again, which was just exhausting, so Carl snuck in the back way. Peter came in the front later, wearing shorts and a shirt with Katia in tow. My boy BFF was coming down the stairs as Peter was coming in and literally collided with him – and that was his first time meeting his hero haha. The band hid in the studio for some time together doing a rehearsal. We waited for them to leave the hotel but were warned that they weren’t coming out till everyone left, likely to again avoid that certain fan, so we headed to the bandstand and then they just came barreling down the stairs and played that blessed show. It was a really small show ultimately, the bandstand was barely full and we were able to just stand on the steps of the bandstand to watch. It was short and sharp, just the hits, but searing fun and widely covered – NME, Channel Four and others were there including a documentary crew so imagine there will be lots of material. P+C seemed fantastic again, lots of mic shares and sweet looks. They ran back to the Albion Rooms after the gig and went back into the studio, with fans herded off to leave them be. We waited around outside and a surprisingly helpful security guard told us ‘if you’re waiting for what I think you are, head to the bar now’. We ran for it, and arrived right when Peter and Carl walked in. My boy BFF took centre stage here – Sarah took photos while I filmed, we really wanted him to have a moment with his hero and he did, he told Peter how much he meant to him, then Peter eyed his beer and asked for a sip haha. I took over chatting to Peter then about the cigarette cards, and asked if he liked any of them since I didn’t recall which ones he had shown me in Cardiff. I must have looked sad because he gave me THE most sympathetic look that I felt bad for making him feel bad! He listed off the war medals and hats as his favourites, and said to be ‘wary’ of the ones that are too brightly coloured or clean cos they are reprints but again said it was a dream gift. He is so fucking funny with the reprints (in fact the first time I gave him a stack of cigarette cards, in 2019, he asked immediately if they were reprints - they were not and he was thrilled with them, hence me collecting more for him). My boy BFF also got to speak to Carl and said he was ageing like Dorian Gray - he said Carl was very pleased with the comment hahaha. P+C then headed to the stage with John and Gary and played three songs real quick – it was absolutely mental. There was maybe 100 people crammed in that room, and P+C were absolutely smushed up against each other on the mic and just, god – in a few weeks of dream experiences this one took the cake. Seeing them play in a tiny room, let alone in the Albion Rooms, was beyond special. Sarah and I were just turning to each other like WHAT IS HAPPENING and I love those moments, they are weirdly what I always remember most: When someone you are at a concert with turns to you with those glazed, excited eyes, it’s a look like nothing else, and you just know you are looking back at them the same way. Once they were done with their songs the band all climbed out the window – a cool little reference – as it was easier than going through the crowd again, and it was such a brilliant moment. We went out front to catch them jumping on the tour bus and Carl gave us a hug and Sarah said to him, ‘Manifestation works!’ since this show had happened. ‘I manifested it for you!’ Carl said, and he was bundled off onto the bus with everyone else. And that was that, just the most insane few weeks of my life. I don’t think I will ever top it.

[eleutheryaflint]

hi!! would u like to tell me what's up with the clock and Flint? i think i missed that and u seem to have strong feelings about it <3

OH BOY, MY FRIEND. you have just opened a can of worms. buckle up.

#the fucking clock is the tag on my blog documenting my clock spiral lmao so you're welcome to look through there, but the rundown is:

in the season 2 flashbacks, there are several close-ups of the grandfather clock, and the ticking can be heard in the background of every scene in the hamilton house. watching it for the first time, you might think, nice! we're going backwards in time, so they're demonstrating that with the ticking! neat!

but then we get to the end of the season, when flint and miranda go to peter ashe. the ticking is back, several scenes before The Scene TM. your attention isn't called to it whatsoever, you might not even register it. if you did, you might think: they're stepping back into their old world and their old selves, visiting an old friend, trying to broker a deal from the past, so the ticking is demonstrating that this time. neat!

and it is demonstrating that, of course.

but then there's The Scene TM. the dinner scene at the end of 2x09. there's no reason to notice or think about the ticking until miranda does, but it's there throughout the entire scene. (you do actually see a close-up of the clock before she notices it, but you have no reason to recognise it, unless you're like, a clock expert, and even then, we're all fucking stressed because it's the pre-finale and you know some shit has to go wrong soon, so who's paying attention to a 2-second shot of a grandfather clock?) — but then she calls it out, and exposes peter's lies, and of course, dies.

and it's just.

it's so fucking genius that the ticking is SO interwoven into the hamilton & ashe household scenes that it fades comfortably into the background, seeming to serve its purpose as an ode to the passage of time, while ALSO secretly, the entire time, being set up to become THE catalyst of the rest of the show.

it's THE thing that exposes to flint and miranda that their attempt at making peace with civilization is for naught, because civilization is inherently cruel and unforgivable, and will always betray them.

it's THE thing that leads to miranda's death, and so it's THE thing that starts flint's war. if peter hadn't accepted the clock from alfred, if the clock had been in another room, if at some point in the last 10 years it had broken or been stolen or sold.... miranda wouldn't have been prompted to interrupt the deal, and flint would've agreed to out himself and beg civilization for understanding, because he'd let himself hope for and believe in a peaceful resolution for nassau.

AND THEN

as if representing time and being the catalyst for the second half of the show wasn't enough, it ALSO has been foreboding that time is running short in BOTH INSTANCES, THE ENTIRE TIME.

it forebodes — again, i need to stress, in both instances, because this show squeezes parallels even into the fucking background noises — that their plan will not go well, that civilization will punish and silence them before it ever chooses peace and acceptance, that people they love and trust (hennesey, peter) will betray them, that thomas and miranda will die (considering we believe thomas to be dead at this point), and that flint's hope and "light" will die with them.

AND!!! AND!!!!! as if that is not FUCKING enough, miranda even HINTS at the clock before they even GET to charlestown! talking about abigail, she says, "it’s like she’s some sort of clock that’s finally struck its chime and woken me from this dream we’ve been living."

because the writers are GENIUS BASTARDS and they are LAUGHING AT US as they drop these hints right in our faces, knowing we won't fucking pick them up until later

god

and there are OTHER references to clocks meaning death in the show (blackbeard also makes this connection, for instance), but this is everything about specifically that clock (at least i fucking hope it is, because if we salvage any more symbolism from this fucking clock it will finally kill ME)

i hope you enjoyed the story time, because i for one now need a nap

[watermelonsugarsigh]

fraction of your heart ~ part one

summary: Y/N's math skills aren’t the best, but she thinks she has a pretty good judgement of character - and Peter Parker does not pass the test.

warnings: swearing, alcohol, sub-par math references

word count: 3.3k

A/N: I actually really like algebra but I also have not done a math course in seven years so pls don’t expect real technical terms in this fic lmao – I’ll try my best.

“Fucking hell.”

Y/N swore under her breath at the A4 sheet of paper in front of her, the letters and numbers printed in black ink swirling on the page and turning into a language she recognised but couldn’t quite understand. It wasn’t her fault that her roommate, Lauren, was snoring so loud last night she barely got any sleep. That’s definitely the only reason she could simply not solve for x at the present moment.

No, it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the late hours she had been putting in assisting at the library, helping Sarah reorganise the science fiction section for the umpteenth time this year. Seriously, how many sci-fi novels could come out in one year that would require the need for another shelf extension?

Y/N didn’t really like the genre anyway. She never understood the appeal of aliens and robots fighting each other for rule of planets that probably wouldn’t be capable of maintaining any life form if the science was actually correct. Her distaste for the genre was only exacerbated by the inaccuracies that were rampant in every single chapter. After disappearing for five years and returning three years ago, Y/N hated the authors who continued to write about fictional universes instead of trying to study the actual alien life that we had encountered. Could they really call any of this science fiction anymore? After all, the real stuff was way more interesting than any of the crap that K.L. Jones could vomit onto a page in less than three months.

Why are you thinking about this right now? The voice in her head willed her to focus back to the test in front of her. Even though she knew she was not in the right mindset to be thinking about algebra, she had to do well in this test to keep her GPA up. She took a deep breath and blinked to refocus her eyes back on the test.

If x and y satisfy both 9 x + 2 y = 8 and 7 x + 2 y = 4…

This was question one, supposedly the easiest question in the entire test. Why the fuck did they have to put letters in math?

Y/N sighed and put her pencil to the graph paper on her desk, slowly but surely working out what she hoped were the right answers. Math just didn’t come naturally to her, not like writing did. However, she still hadn’t decided what to major in, so she needed good grades in all of her classes to keep her options open for next year. Her leg began to bounce underneath her desk and her eyes glanced to the clock on the wall, signalling twenty minutes left of the class. Come on Y/N, she thought. Just get some answers down.

Five minutes passed and Y/N had finally gotten into a bit of a flow. While she couldn’t be positive her answers were right, she was at least remembering what equations and functions would assist her in getting closer to the answer. 2 and -10 replaced x and y, and the inky mess of letters and numbers began to sequent itself back into legible sentences, until the sound of a chair pulling out from under a desk shifted her attention.

When she glanced up her eyes narrowed at the lean figure passing her. She watched as Peter Parker walked – no, sauntered – down the stairs of the lecture theatre, completed paper in hand. Peter frustrated Y/N to no avail. He was rarely ever in class, always coming in late or skipping altogether. Despite being in almost every class together, he managed to avoid her quite well, as if he could sense that he annoyed her. Every time she had spoken to him his mind seemed worlds away, as if he didn’t want to talk to her either. He had never been rude, but there was just something that irked her about him, something she could never quite put her finger on. Even so, he was top of the class, friendly with majority of the student body and faculty, and obviously incredibly intelligent. How else would he always manage to finish everything early?

Y/N stared with pure curiosity as Peter whispered to Mr. Leven, the course coordinator. He handed his paper over and as soon as it had been firmly grasped in Mr. Leven’s hands, started animating wildly with his own. Y/N couldn’t help but watch his movements as he emphasised the words he was whispering; she couldn’t hear what he was saying, but deduced from his movements that he was asking to leave early since he was finished. Y/N chuckled under her breath and flicked her eyes back to the paper in front of her. Peter should know by now, nobody leaves until class is over, even if –

Her focus was once again shattered, this time by the heavy door at the front of the room being opened to the university courtyard. Bright light shone in from outside, temporarily creating a blind spot in the centre of Y/N’s vision. She blinked to try and get it to dissipate as she watched Peter slip through the door, almost tripping on the uneven pavement outside but catching himself with lightning reflexes. Y/N wasn’t sure she had actually seen him correctly, vision still partially concealed by the light, until Peter whipped his head around to look back into the lecture theatre. Eyes wide, he quickly scanned the room to see if anyone had noticed his save and did a double take when he saw Y/N glaring back at him. He bit his lip, lifting a hand as if he were going to gesture to her but stopped himself, closing his hand into a fist and letting it drop back to his side. The door swung shut as they maintained eye contact, Y/N’s eyes narrowing just before she heard the ‘click’ of the latch returning to its rightful place.

Y/N noticed he had left all his belongings in the room, signalling that he would be returning, which begged the question: where the hell was he going? More importantly, how did he always seem to get what he wanted? It was like the rules didn’t apply to him; he was free to come and go as he pleased, just because he smiled that smile where his eyes crinkle up and he bowed his head in bashfulness. Every time he did that, Y/N couldn’t decide whether she wanted to pinch his cheeks or punch him.

It would have been easier to hate him if he weren’t so polite, which was one of the reasons Y/N hated him even more. She had never heard him say a bad word about another person, and was always trying to justify someone’s actions, even if they were directly attacking him. She didn’t want to pay this much attention to him, but he made it difficult not to; his puppy-dog demeanour lit up every room he walked in, and everyone noticed it. Girls and boys alike fawned over him. As if she was trying to prove a point to herself, she allowed herself a quick glance at Tara Gray, who was sitting diagonally across from her. Tara’s head was down, but Y/N could tell her espresso-brown eyes were flitting from the page to the door Peter had just walked through, probably hoping he would return. He never seemed to notice the endless stream of people paying attention to him, which only made him more mysterious and alluring. What was his deal? Y/N chewed on her bottom lip and pulled her eyes away from Tara just as her heart began to twinge at the sight of her. Sighing, Y/N used the last five minutes of class to scrawl answers to the rest of the test on her page, hoping at least some of them were right.

“Time’s up, everyone!” Mr. Leven clapped, jolting the entire class out of their heads with the sudden noise. “Please drop your papers on my desk on your way out, and I’ll have them back to you on Friday.” Y/N gathered her things and shoved them into her backpack, pulling out her phone and turning it off ‘Do Not Disturb’. She quickly replied to a text from Lauren about dinner, stating she would be home in an hour or so to cook. Slinging her backpack over her shoulder, Y/N pulled the paper off the desk and fumbled with the sheets in line to the desk at the front of the class. Her thumb slid against a sheet the wrong way, causing a sharp sting to arise. She winced and jolted her hand away from the page, turning her hand over to assess. A small bead of blood was slowly pooling diagonally across the pad of her thumb. Y/N wrinkled her nose at it and placed it to her lips as she dropped her paper on top of the pile on Mr. Leven’s desk. She gently ran her tongue over the open wound, pushing the door open with her shoulder as the metallic taste began to envelop her mouth. She was not expecting to slam into a brick wall of a person, causing her to bite down hard on her thumb as the two stumbled backward after their collision.

“Fuck!” Y/N yelped as the heel of her boot clipped the same piece of pavement that Peter had tripped over less than half an hour ago. With pain shooting down her thumb, she didn’t have time to register that she was headed face-first to the ground, until an arm wrapped around her waist and caught her, allowing her to regain her balance. Heart racing, she planted both her feet solidly on the ground before the mysterious person released her from their grasp.

“Are you okay?” Y/N recognised the voice before her brain registered the face in front of her. Still shaking the pain away from her thumb, she tensed, shuffling backward to create space between her and Peter.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just bit my thumb. Are you?” Peter’s eyes flickered down to her hand and back up to her face. She couldn’t get a read on his expression, except for the flush that creeped his way up to the tip of his ears.

“Yep, totally fine,” Peter stammered. “Uh, how did you bite your thumb?”

Y/N lifted her hand, giving Peter a half-hearted thumbs-up as she displayed her wound.

“Paper cut. I was trying to stop the bleeding.��

“Oh – do you want a bandage for that?”

“No, no, it’s fine-“

“I have one right here.” Peter pulled a small package out of his pocket, tearing a bandage off the strip and handing it to her. Catching Y/N’s furrowed brow, he explained. “I get injured a lot- um, I mean, in a ‘trip and fall’ kind of way, not like in a weird way...” Peter’s sentence trailed off as he realised he was rambling.

“Um, thanks. And thanks for catching me.”

“Don’t mention it. Uh, I gotta go.” Peter pulled the door open and slipped inside, leaving Y/N to stand facing the courtyard in bewilderment. That was the longest conversation they had ever had. If Y/N didn’t understand Peter Parker beforehand, she certainly didn’t understand him any more now.

...

Y/N kept herself busy over the next few days, trying not to think about how fucked her GPA was going to be once she received her algebra test results back. Fortunately, she had plenty else to keep her brain active throughout the week. Between her other classes, shifts at the library, and catching up with people other than her roommate Lauren, Y/N barely had had time to herself.

Still, there was this lingering thought that crept into her subconscious just as she transitioned each night from lucidity to unconsciousness. Y/N found herself dreaming of honey-brown eyes, stuttered sentences…and falling. No matter what Y/N seemed to dream about lately, she was always tumbling, fast to the floor – and something, or someone, was always there to catch her just before she jolted awake.

Friday morning came faster than she had anticipated. The sense of dread continued to encompass more of Y/N’s mind with each step that she took toward Mr. Leven’s classroom. Peter would most likely get an A, without trying, which only riled Y/N up even more as she pushed the door open to the class.

The class was a blur. To say that Y/N wasn’t paying attention was an understatement. Scrolling through social media on her laptop passed the time while she waited for the inevitable. Five minutes before the class ended, the words she had been dreading all morning were spoken.

“I have your tests here,” Mr Leven waved a stack of papers above his head, earning some groans from the collective of students. “Some of you did brilliantly. Others,” Mr. Leven made brief eye contact with Y/N before scanning over the rest of the class, “will need to brush up on their algebraic knowledge before the final.” Y/N sunk lower in her chair. “Please come retrieve your papers before you leave.”

Y/N slowly packed up her things off the tiny fold-out desk attached to the side of her chair. She took her time replying to a message from Lauren about their dinner plans for tonight, as the rest of the class grabbed their tests and filed out of the room. Once majority of the students had left, Y/N stood up and made her way over to Mr. Leven’s desk.

“Excellent work as always, Mr. Parker. And thank you for your help, in advance.” Mr. Leven handed the test over to him, a glowing 99/100 marked clearly at the top of the front page. Peter’s eyes flicked to meet Y/N’s, then quickly met the ground again. She heard a quick ‘thank you’ mumbled from under Peter’s breath as he swiftly grabbed the pages and strode out of the room. Y/N was now the only student in the classroom.

“Mr. Leven, I-“

“I must say, Miss Y/L/N,” Mr. Leven cut her sentence short as he handed her test back, now the only one in his hand. The numbers 52/100 shone like a red laser, the ink standing out in juxtaposition against the stark white sheet. “I expected much more from you.”

“I know,” she replied, eyes lowered to the floor. Tears threatened to prick in the corners of her eyes, but she blinked them back before they had time to accumulate. “I don’t really have an excuse either. I just didn’t study enough.”

“You’re a smart woman, Y/N,” She forced a grim smile on her lips, one that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I know you’ll improve on this. Perhaps a tutor would help?”

Y/N pondered the question for a moment. Maybe a tutor would help. Half of her issue was that she never dedicated time to study; having time allocated each week would probably increase her grade exponentially. She’s sure she could ask Lauren for some help, or even –

“I’ve asked Mr. Parker to assist you in preparation for the final.”

He had to be fucking kidding.

Out of everyone in the class, and outside of it, it had to be Peter. She would have preferred to contact Einstein’s ghost with a Ouija board before having to try and converse with the one person who seemed to avoid her at all costs. Had Peter agreed to this? Y/N’s eye twitched, but she knew if she had any chance of her passing this class, she had to do everything that Mr. Leven said.

“Thanks,” Y/N said, attempting to be as enthusiastic as possible. “I really appreciate it.” She headed out of the building, stopping to pull her sunglasses out of her bag when the sunlight hit her face. She checked her watch, noting how much time she had before her next class. She sighed. Six more hours of classes and then she could finally go home and finish this day off with a shot of tequila and a self-prescribed bedtime of 9pm.

Ten hours and four tequila sunrises later, Y/N was relaxing on the couch, waiting for an appropriate time to head to bed. She had spent the last hour and a half complaining about her algebra class to Lauren, who was being less than helpful with her responses.

“Come on,” Lauren protested, moving to face Y/N, legs criss-crossing on top of one another on the couch. “Peter’s lovely. He’s in my calculus class and he’s so nice to everyone. Plus, that boy is a genius. If anyone can move you from a C to an A, he can.”

“Don’t tell me you’re in love with him too,” Y/N rolled her eyes as her thoughts trailed to Tara, how she sat up and tried to subtly fix her hair whenever he walked in. It was obvious she had a thing for him. Y/N would know, she did the same thing whenever Tara spoke to her. She finished the rest of her drink and set the empty cup down on the coffee table in front of her. The orange juice and cheap raspberry cordial (they were on a college budget and couldn’t afford proper grenadine) masked the bitter taste of the alcohol, although tequila was one of the few on the list of spirits that didn’t make Y/N’s stomach turn upside down. She could barely even look at a bottle of Midori without wanting to turn the exact same shade of green herself.

“What has he ever done to you?”

“Nothing. That’s the problem.” Y/N stole some corn chips from the bag in Lauren’s lap, earning a scoff from her roommate. Munching on them, she continued. “He avoids me like the plague. The other day, we bumped into each other, and it was like I had a contagious disease. He couldn’t get away from me fast enough.” Y/N omitted the part about him giving her a bandage for her finger, knowing Lauren would pounce on that information like a cat stalking prey. She looked down and examined the wound, now scabbed over and well on its way to healing. If she pressed down hard on her thumb it hurt, but other than that, she almost completely forgot it was there.

“He’s probably just shy. He seems pretty quiet in calculus.” Y/N let out a small ‘hmmph’ in protest, knowing she was not going to win this argument. “Just give him a chance.”

As if on cue, Y/N’s phone vibrated on the coffee table. She stood up and grabbed it, raising it to her face to unlock it.

Hey! It’s Peter Parker, I don’t know whether you still have my number saved. So Mr. Leven asked me to help you out with algebra. Just let me know when you’re free and I’ll make it work!

“Speak of the devil,” Y/N sighed. “Peter just messaged me. And I think on that note, I’m going to bed.”

Once Y/N had settled into her bed for the night, she decided to pull up the message from Peter again. She had been scouring her brain for the last five minutes trying to remember when she had given him her number, then eventually remembered that they had been in a group project last year. A project where Peter hadn’t spoken to her once. She decided to reply as cordially as possible.

Hi, yeah thanks for that. I’m free on Sunday if that works? We can meet in the library any time you want.

Before she had time to put her phone down, a reply had come through.

Okay, cool! I can meet you there at 11?

Sounds good, Y/N replied. See you then.

[elxgantcaptain]

My Peter and Wendy review :/

I didn't like the film >:c

But that was going to be obvious. I've not really enjoyed many of these 'live action' films of the OGs. I just found this version of Peter Pan very... Lackluster. It needed MORE, it felt like it was missing so much, it didn't explore what we wanted to see? It needed to EXPAND! Urg, it was just so frustrating. Not only that, but it felt like they took lines they knew did well in the older live action films thinking it will hold weight? NO. Do your own thing. Make something gd NEW already!

But there are SOME things I liked about the film.

Theres a lil breakdown of things I liked and didn't like under the cut. There ARE spoilers tho.

Things I LIKED

The transfer into neverland - that time stand-still thing, very interesting! Not seen that before in the transformation into neverland, I kinda liked it.

How Wendy couldn't 'see' sometimes - Such as seeing the pirates on the ocean and then the lost boys being like 'She's too grown up', it seems like an interesting concept but it wasn't really explored???

The Crocodile - NOW THATS a croc. Its huge and its eye shape and jaws are as I would have pictured a live action telling of Tick Tock, especially in the face.

Hook and Pan having a history - I'm not against the whole idea of 'Hook was once a lost boy' kinda deal, the idea of them knowing each other was pretty cool, about how he left and grew up and changed and Peter finding that growing up and evil are the same thing... And how he banished Hook because he missed his mother. Thats really sad.

Tigerlily - She's a good character and they handled the 'indians' quite well in this, down to the fact she speaks the language too. Idk but i really like how she referred to Pan as 'little brother'

Hook's explanation to Wendy - I like how Hook struggles with himself and Neverland, how he slowly started to forget his own mother and home, how he TRIED to leave Neverland after Pan banished him but couldn't get out. He was lost at sea until he was rescued by Smee. 'My time for joy is lost'

Pirates singing - I'm just a sucker for Shanties

Wendy's happy thoughts of the future - Thinking she could be happy when she starts to grow up, I found that kinda sweet.

Hook is known to be the best sword fighter - Just that.

"Do you know what really hurts about getting old? Its not the creaking bones, or the dashed dreams or even the sense of death drawing ever nearer... Its knowing that your best friend can look you in the eyes and not recognise you."

Things I DIDN'T LIKE

The acting felt so forced in places - WIth Hook it was 'I am sooo evil, don't mention hands because i have lost a hand, don't mention pan cause I want to kill him' and with the kids it was like, VERY overdramatic. 'Ohhh PEETTERRR~' yuck

Captain Hook's hook - Just... No... It literally just looks like a very bad fake hand that his hand is literally holding onto, covered by long sleeves

Wendy - Just... Wendy, she confuses me. She doesn't want to grow up but she continuously talks about growing up and sounds very mature. I suppose thats how its supposed to be? But she places blame, she calls tattletale and she just... She just doesn't seem like a believable character?

Costumes - Some of the costumes are just not... Good? I don't like Hook's overall look? Neither do I like some of the pirates and the lost boys? Its all very higgilty pigglity with the pirates outfits, which i can understand why, its stuff they may have stolen or found over the years in Neverland but it was very 'hey look I'm a pirate and I'm quirky!' and with the Lost Boys, I always thought it'd be better to wear real animal skins rather than all the fake cuddly toy looking ones?

The direction - Pick an angle, are you dark and serious or are you fun and goofy?

Neverland - Why can't it be brighter? Why does it looks so dull and boring? There are some interesting concepts there, the 'castle' they stay in along with the trees. As they enter Neverland it looks amazing and bright with the mermaids etc and then it just gets... BORING? I want to see bright colours, magic, the mysteries and beauty of an Island where things don't grow up! Where was that?

Timing felt off - The story feels rushed in some areas? Like, it didn't feel like a FAMILY at the very beginning? They didn't show Wendy's true conflict about leaving to go to boarding school, nor did they establish a good family dynamic? It felt like they rushed the croc scene and Hook's panic?

Transitions - Whats with some of these transitions between scenes? Like that random circle one after Wendy smacks Pan in the face????

The parents - Again a poke at how it didn't feel like a FAMILY? They just don't seem to react as you probably WOULD when a bunch of strange wild children enter your house without permission and trash your kid's room. And the look the mother gave towards Peter as he left, did she KNOW Peter???? Was she his sister? Descendant? IDK???

How it felt like Hook and Peter became 'friends' at the end - It wasn't fully revealed, but it felt like it was hinted at. NO.