#plotline: interrupting paradise
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Oh my god hiii zag
"Pretty sure you aren't flame-resistant like me, good shade... Listen, why don't you head back towards Charon's shop-area? I wouldn't want you to get burnt on my behalf."
#ask-zagreus#zagreus answers#anonymous#plotline: interrupting paradise#hades game#zagreus hades#thanks for the ask!#ooc: least zaggy zag i've drawn lately :( sorry nonny
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Episode 44 Review: The Second Séance
{ YouTube: 1 | 2 | 3 }
{ Full Synopses/Recaps: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }
Hello and welcome back to my Garden of Evil, in time for the final episode of Strange Paradise by its co-creator and original headwriter Ian Martin. This marks yet another milestone in the history of this fun and sometimes perplexing soap opera: a little bittersweet, although I know that, unlike viewers in 1969, I can return to early Maljardin whenever I want.
In some ways, Ian Martin’s departure will benefit the show. Like a traditional soap, his SP scripts were generally slow-paced and heavy on recap, with variations of certain lines (e.g. “we must find the conjure doll and the silver pin”) repeated episode after episode. When Robert Costello replaced Selig Alkon as producer, he mandated several changes to the show. His stated reason: to help SP’s other co-creator Jerry Layton achieve his goal of improving the Gothic soap’s ratings:
"New York and Los Angeles stations took it off the air because ratings were poor. And because they are the key stations for money purposes, Robert Costello, who did Dark Shadows for four years, was called in," one of the actors said this week. "Costello took one look at several episodes and said he wasn't going to have anything to do with it the way it was. So the series was changed considerably.”
[...]
In the studio this week, Costello (who produced The Nurses, the Patty Duke Show and Armstrong Circle Theatre) said Strange Paradise was abandoning old voodoo, hallmarks of the first 13 weeks, for heavy occult (witches covens, ESP, apparitions and the like). "The concept, though good, was not completely workable for a day-in and day-out series," admitted its creator and executive producer Jerry Layton.[1]
Naturally, so many changes required a segue from the show’s original format that wasn’t too abrupt, hence the break from Martin’s original plans for the story and the creation of the current weird transitional plotline about the Rabbit of Evil. There are twenty-one episodes of Maljardin left after this one, followed by a shift of setting to Desmond Hall. Like Maljardin, Desmond Hall has its good parts and bad parts, fun characters and not-so-fun ones, but I’ll cover those when I get to them.
Do you remember my Episode 40 review, where I speculated at the end about how the original second séance might have gone? Well, this one is similar in some ways to the séance described in the Lost Episode summaries, but the way it plays out is bizarre. And by “bizarre,” I mean, “What the hell is Vangie thinking, holding it now?”
The (visible) participants of the first séance, from Episode 36 (clockwise from top left): Dr. Alison Carr, Quito, Vangie Abbott, Raxl, Reverend Matt Dawson, and Jean Paul Desmond.
In Episode 36, the choice of who participated and who didn’t participate in the séance followed a certain logic. Four of the six chosen participants had a direct connection to Erica Desmond: her sister Alison, her husband Jean Paul, and her servants Raxl and Quito. The latter two were doubly qualified to participate, both being members of the Conjure Faith, with Raxl helping Vangie determine who could attend and who was forbidden in the previous episode. They excluded Elizabeth, Tim, and Dan for being “disruptive influences” and Holly out of concern for her safety, but allowed Matt because of his strong faith as a man of the cloth. (Remember that, at that point, they still trusted him.) In addition, they left a seventh chair open for Erica’s spirit, making the total number of (invited) participants seven. This, according to Vangie, is one of the ideal numbers for a séance, the other being five. It’s logical, it follows the rules that the author establishes via Vangie, and therefore it makes sense that the second séance would be set up in much the same way.
In my post on Episode 40, I used this logic along with clues from several Lost Episode summaries (including the one for this episode) to try to reconstruct the events of the original second séance, which was slated to take place in that episode before script rewrites. The summaries indicated that Matt would return for the second séance and that Elizabeth would join him, although Vangie’s reasoning for including her in this one is unknown. I excluded Holly from my list because I felt it would be out of character for Vangie to knowingly endanger her life and speculated that Alison may have refused to take part out of justified anger at Jean Paul for making Vangie endanger all of their lives. I also excluded Tim and Dan, because I felt that neither had any reason to participate unless substituting for someone else. In addition, I assumed that Jean Paul would have originally participated in all the séances, being the one who initiated them in the first place, as well as Raxl and Quito for their loyalty to both their dead mistress and to Vangie. I concluded that the most likely participants for the second séance would have been Vangie, Matt, Elizabeth, Raxl, Quito, and Jean Paul: six living/undead participants like the first, but with Alison swapped with Elizabeth.
But what do you do on short notice, while Jean Paul is freaking out in his room, Alison trying to help him calm down, and Raxl and Quito are...sleeping, I suppose? (The episode gives no explanation for their absence, unlike with Jean Paul and Alison.) You hold an emergency séance in the same exact location as before, at a glass-top table identical to the first, with whomever is available. That includes Matt, Holly, and the disruptive influences of Elizabeth and Dan. Vangie claims there’s no time to wait, so emergency séance it is, even if it means breaking all the previously established rules.
Holly lampshading how the second séance comes out of frigging nowhere.
“Jean Paul cannot wait,” says the Conjure Woman. “The need is urgent, the need to find out from whence this locket came. I must choose those of you who will help Jean Paul Desmond contact his wife Erica.”
Holly tries to nope out of it, but Vangie--surprisingly, given her previous concern for her safety--refuses to let her. “You, if the spirits choose,” she insists, “the spirits” here most likely meaning some combination of Robert Costello, Jerry Layton, and Steve Krantz. (Let’s remember that the Serpent previously told her not to invite certain people, Holly included.) It’s a cop-out line, in effect, where the show acknowledges that it’s breaking the previously established rules to obey the new producer’s wish to speed up the action.
The reason why this séance is so urgent? The bloodied locket of Erica’s that Raxl found around the black rabbit’s neck in the previous episode, combined with Vangie’s speculation that the rabbit may be Erica reincarnated. The fact that the locket had blood on it makes Dan even more suspicious of Jean Paul, especially after Matt reminds him that eclampsia (which Jean Paul claims took Erica’s life) is a bloodless death. He begins another tirade about how he thinks that Jean Paul killed both Erica and Dr. Menkin and how he’s going to sail off the island, which Vangie interrupts:
That’s Vangie’s way of saying “shut up.”
Vangie tells the four characters in the room--Holly, Elizabeth, Dan, and Matt--to sit at the table and begin the séance, because a presence has arrived. The first three do, but Dan remains standing and tries to persuade Matt to not take part in the occult ritual.
“You, GO!” Vangie screams at Dan. “PLEASE, GO!” He leaves and, without having anyone join hands, Vangie calls out to her father, the Conjure Man, to ask whose spirit is there. And then she enters a trance and starts screaming, “LET ME OUT!” while breathing heavily. Frightened, Holly runs to her room, while Vangie continues screaming, only to leave her trance a moment later and ask, “Where’s Holly?”
“She couldn’t stand it,” says Elizabeth. “I don’t think that I can, either, or any of us.”
“It was two spirits,” Vangie continues. “One so angry, so confined in some place, in some form.” She rubs her neck as though rubbing scabs left by the chain of an uncomfortable locket. “It’s so dry, so dry!” Elizabeth leaves to get her a drink to quench her thirst.
The way Vangie rubs her neck reminds me of Erica’s bloodied locket.
Their first attempt a disaster, they go their separate ways. Vangie speaks to the portrait of Jacques Eloi des Mondes, demanding an answer to how the rabbit and locket appeared. In her monologue, she reveals that he “[has] always been an enemy” and that he “would laugh at [her] clouded sight”; also that the spirit she felt was “not so much evil as angry, horribly angry and confined!”
Elizabeth offers Vangie some wine. Rather suspicious.
Elizabeth returns with some wine for Vangie’s throat (wouldn’t that only dehydrate her more?) and is about to set it on the séance table when Vangie stops her. “The spirits may not cross it,” she explains, so Elizabeth moves the glass and decanter over to the table where they usually sit.
Vangie picks up the locket and starts thinking out loud about it, when Elizabeth says that she wishes that Jean Paul would just let them open it. This enrages Vangie, who says, “I made a mistake when I asked yo to join the séance. I need all the help I can get, but yours will disrupt!”
“I will not be ordered around!” Elizabeth shouts.
Hearing Vangie scream about how she brings anger, Elizabeth leaves for Holly’s room, where she confides in her about how she doesn’t trust Jean Paul anymore. I think that this is Martin’s subtle way of letting the audience know that her romantic pursuit of Jean Paul/Jacques is over and the new producer and writers have no intentions on continuing it.
Elizabeth’s dress has some interesting pleats/pintucks in the front.
Holly asks her if she believes that the rabbit is Erica’s reincarnation. She thinks it’s ridiculous, but acknowledges that they must humor him while they are stuck on the island because his delusions affect everyone trapped there. “Holly, we need each other,” she says, “if only to exchange notes.” She persuades Holly to return to the séance to keep tabs on what happens.
Elizabeth has come to her senses.
Meanwhile in the Great Hall, Vangie lampshades Jean Paul’s and Alison’s absences again and predicts Dan’s death and Jean Paul’s continued possession. (At least that’s what I think she means by “Jean Paul’s mind and body will hang in the balance by an act of the Devil.”) Still determined to disbelieve in his religion’s personification of evil, Matt accuses either her, Raxl, or someone else on the island of masquerading as the Devil. She starts to try talking him into staying and being part of the séance using his belief in the afterlife, when Dan arrives and announces loudly and in the direction of Jean Paul’s bedroom(!) that he’s going to use one of the boats in the boathouse to escape and tell the police about his suspicions.
That’s when Holly arrives for the séance do-over. This time, it’s four visible characters--Holly, Dan, Matt, and Vangie--plus the spirit, thus making a total of five. Like the first séance, she tells them only to focus on Erica, but this time Dan’s anger disrupts the contact and Vangie flips out on him!
The bad subtitle here, while not especially original, is too perfect.
He storms out and the séance continues. Vangie calls on her father for help, saying, “There is a message...a warning...I cannot bring it through! The path must be clear! What is the warning, Conjure Man?”
And then, all of a sudden, the spirit comes through:
Vangie: (possessed) “Let me out! OUT! Let me out!”
“OUT, OUT, OUT, OOOOUUUUTTT! Is he here yet, Jean Paul? JEAN PAAAAAUUUUULLLL!” [Notice that they’re not touching hands as Vangie insisted that the participants of the first séance do.]
Holly: (possessed) “Out, out, out. Let me out.”
“Out, out, out, OUT, OUT, OUT, AAAAAAAHHHHH!”
Matt directs Dan to the decanter with a tilt of his head and Dan makes Holly drink the wine that Elizabeth poured for Vangie earlier. But, rather than calm her, the wine makes her collapse to the floor in agony:
Holly faints from the poison in the wine.
“If the missing cyanide was in this, I’m afraid Holly is dead!” says Dan after sniffing the inside of the glass. But is it cyanide, and is Holly Marshall dead? I suppose you’ll have to stay tuned for Episode 45 (the episode or the review).
I don’t want you to think that, because I criticized some things about this episode, I must dislike it. Quite the contrary. While some things about this episode do reek of subverting expectations just for the sake of subversion (they didn’t have to film a séance episode on Colin Fox’s day off), the final scene is wonderfully chilling and Angela Roland gets to use her acting chops more in this episode than in any of the previous ones. Also, the missing cyanide subplot finally becomes relevant again at the end with Holly’s collapse after drinking the wine.
Coming up next: A two-part post looking at the best and worst things about Ian Martin’s episodes of Strange Paradise, followed by the Episode 45 review. I’ve been working hard on these and look forward to posting them within the next week.
{ <- Previous: Episode 43 || Next: Episode 45 -> }
Notes
[1] Sid Adilman, “TV’s Colin Fox and his Strange Paradise,” Toronto Telegram, November 29, 1969. I omitted part of this passage to avoid spoilers, but the omitted portion is also noteworthy in that it indicates that they had already begun filming Desmond Hall by November 1969.
#strange paradise#ian martin#maljardin arc#week 9#episode 44#analysis#foxless episodes#genuinely scary episodes#behindthescenes#the bloodied locket#continuity errors#dark shadows#jerry layton#lost episode summaries#plot structure#robert costello#the séance table#speculation on ian martin's original story#thank you steve for the toronto telegram article#it was very informative
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Rock of Ages is Hadestown
I don’t really know if this is a review or my upcoming college thesis

I’ve always loved Rock of Ages. It’s so fun. It’s so dumb. But it’s also so smart. Rock of Ages knows exactly who Rock of Ages is and should be. Rock of Ages is exactly what Rock of Ages wants to be. It’s a blast and the songs are of course good and it’s funny and full of heart and there’s actually some really wonderful theatrical moments and I’m thrilled that it’s back at New World Stages for the summer. But as I sat there watching the show on Thursday, I realized something.
Rock of Ages is Hadestown.
The plot is literally the same. Young musician working in a restaurant falls in love with a girl who wants more out of life but young musician can’t give her what she wants and eventually sells her soul to the devil. All the while, a fun narrator steps in and out of the plot and a second story of young love and falling out of love occur between the older character. Three women who sing together are also involved. That is a vast oversimplification of both stories but you get my idea.
Orpheus, then, is Drew. The wannabe musician with a big heart, good intentions but not the smartest or most logical person. Drew, who throughout the show writes a song that will Change Rock and Roll (and in Orpheus’ case, the world). This song that makes their female love interest fall in love with them. In this current production of Rock of Ages, he’s played by CJ Eldred, who looks STRIKINGLY like Reeve Carney, but can actually act.
tell me that is not Reeve. tell me they are not long lost siblings or at least dopplegangers
Which brings us to Sherrie, aka Eurydice, who has blown in from nowhere and bumps into Drew/Orpheus and there is an instant connection that is only bolstered by a lovely duet by the Greeks and a shared slushee by the rockers. Sherrie, like Eurydice, is a “hungry young girl” who wants more out of life. Where Eurydice wants... something, I guess, Sherrie wants to be an actress. Kirsten Scott sings the hell out of all her songs and is a sheer delight to watch on stage. Sherrie and Drew have a good thing going until Drew mentions just how good of friends they are.
Am I equating Orpheus’ inability to do anything but write his “La La La” song with a nervous Drew accidentally telling Sherrie they’re just friends? Yes. Yes and the scene it happens in the show is hilarious. There’s this wooden car set that Drew brings on and off that is SO cheesy and SO hilarious and they all know it too. There’s even a part where Drew mimes opening and closing the car door even though there is no door that was Comedy Gold.
Which brings us to Hades, aka Stacee Jaxx. Where Eurydice sells her soul to Hades and goes way down to Hadestown, Sherrie sleeps with Stacee, who then gets her fired and puts a rift between her and Drew. Stacee Jaxx is as gross and sleazy as they come, and PJ Griffith (whose bio on the website is fun) works every second of it. His story ends with Sherrie breaking his nose before he has to flee the country. Where Hades is revealed to Have a Heart, Stacee is kicked to the curb, which I liked. I liked that the Big RockStar ends the show with nothing and no one.
The Hermes of Rock of Ages is Lonny, who is both the narrator of the show and a character who influences the plot. “Just Like Paradise/Nothin’ But a Good Time” is literally Road to Hell and all the characters and themes are introduced right from the start. Lonny steps in to narrate quite a bit, going so far as to interrupt Drew’s train of thought towards the end of the show which leads to this funny “You’re in a musical called Rock of Ages and it used to be on Broadway and now it’s not and they made a movie out of it” moment which was absolutely on the nose but they KNEW it was on the nose and worked with it. Mitchell Jarvis, who created the role of Lonny, is back in this current Off-Broadway production and he is spectacular. You can tell he loves everything about this role and this show and he is having a fantastic time and you the audience are having a fantastic time with him.
This is where it becomes a bit more of a stretch but bear with me on this so there are three waitresses who also work at The Bourbon Room and while they ominously sing like The Fates, they do pop in to provide Sherrie with some comfort every now and then. They’re also super cool and do some really incredible dancing. The standout waitress, also known as Waitress #1, is Katie Webber and holy shit she’s incredible. She was also in the original cast of the show and you can tell how much she loves it.
This is even more of a stretch but the characters Dennis and Justice combined make Persephone. Dennis, the owner of The Bourbon Room, talks about Stacee Jaxx with a lot of love and nostalgia, which makes me think he had feelings for him at some point. Considering Dennis ends up with Lonny at the end, I think I could be right in this. This is probably adding layers to Rock of Ages that isn’t there but I think Dennis really loved Stacee and was hurt to see him leave him in the dust like that. Matt Ban plays Dennis currently and gives Dennis a strong “Tired Dad” vibe, which worked well for the character. He also had great chemistry with Mitchell Jarvis.
Justice also gives me big Persephone vibes, especially her moment with Sherrie where she talks about how she was in love once and how she’s not as happy as she used to be. I’ll definitely take “Pour Some Sugar On Me” (and Dennis’ “Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore”) as this show’s “Our Lady of the Underground” and maybe some of her verses in “Chant.” Jeannette Bayardelle was wonderful as Justice. She also had this glitter lipstick that looked like the glitter lips from Priscilla - Queen of the Desert which I love love loved.
A lot of the themes are the same - with the ones on climate change, the workforce and capitalism being summed up in the Regina (pronounced like vagina)/Hertz plotline about tearing down the Sunset Strip. Of course the Orpheus/Eurydice themes match up surprisingly well with the Drew/Sherrie ones too. Actually, I think it’s interesting how Rock of Ages goes further in exploring what happens when Drew does get what he wants, like what happens when his songs do get noticed and how it turns out to be not what he wants after all.
And in this current production, there’s even a Tall Ensemble Man, played by Michael Mahany, who, again, is clearly having a great time. He’s also the sole male ensemble member (not including Mekhai Lee because he plays The Mayor and Drew’s Agent mostly) which makes the big ensemble dance breaks really funny.
The set is also literally the same as Hadestown, but more rock and roll. There’s literally the stares Hades uses to go up and down from his little patio, but this time they go into Dennis office. To be quite honest, I fully expect the inevitable Hadestown revival in the far off future to be staged in a rock and roll bar/club like The Bourbon Room. It fits the story perfectly.
The big difference is that Rock of Ages ends happily. Drew and Sherrie actually get to live happily ever after, which Orpheus and Eurydice don’t get to do.
There is so much I love about Rock of Ages. It’s an absolute blast. I love seeing it because it’s sheer escapism. There’s nothing I have to think too hard on and it’s not a show that tries to be that either. I love how you can tell what songs they only got partial rights to, like the split second moment where Stacee sings Styx’s “Renegade.” I love how much fun everyone is having, especially Tall Ensemble Man. I love that the ending is absolutely ridiculous and Dennis is briefly mentioned to have died, but he comes back as an Angel that gets rid of Stacee Jaxx. I love that Lonny tells Drew to fuck the book writers of the musical. And I love that Rock of Ages has its flaws and problematic jokes, cause it keeps me humble. It reminds me that I’m seeing Rock of Ages and not a Serious Show. I love how much fun and how drunk the audience is for this show. I love that this is the closest thing to Straight Culture I’m ever gonna see, which is fascinating to say the least. I love the merchandise the show has! You can get Wolfgang Von Colt (Drew’s stage name) t-shirts that look like Drew made them himself. I love that you can buy Arsenal (Stacee Jaxx’s band) sweatshirts that look like Stacee designed them himself. I love that the band is onstage the entire time and I love that they are Arsenal and are constantly flipping off Stacee.
Also! We don’t give enough credit to director Kristin Hanggi! Why do we always forget about her when we talk about female directors? She's been with this show right from the start! She’s infused this show with so much satire. It’s really a lot more progressive than you’d think.
And this show is so fun. It’s so so fun. I understand why there’s die hard Rock of Ages fans who’ve seen this show hundreds of times.
Go check out Rock of Ages at New World Stages till the end of summer! New World Stages has actually become a great spot for post-Broadway shows, like Jersey Boys and Play That Goes Wrong. There’s also Puffs, which I liked even though I’m a little traumatized from it. And there’s also Gazillion Bubble Show, if you’re into that.
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zag!! whered ya get that spiked collar?
The Underworld Prince's keepsakes grant him various boons. The Old Spiked Collar, given dearly from Cerberus, allows him greater constitution than he would normally be capable of.
#ask-zagreus#zagreus answers#anonymous#plotline: interrupting paradise#hades game#zagreus hades#thanks for the ask!
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Paradise, Interrupted
They'd been running for a while - through Tartarus, through Asphodel, and now, in Elysium, they could take a second to rest. Thank the Gods for that shade who'd thrown that harpoon - it'd given the two of them an opportunity to get away to some place safer. And in this chamber, with the rushing waters of the Lethe and a fountain, Calliope could finally, finally relax.
Except.
""Lylee! Lylee, look, someone's hurt," and Penelope's insistent patting of her lap brings her eyes up to the girl, and then to the figure standing near the entrance of the chamber. "Do we... do we run? 'm tired of running, Lylee..."
Gods, she was tired too. She'd been a housewife, a caretaker, not a warrior - dealing death was not her trade, nor did it come naturally. But death had granted her a daughter, ever temporary, and damnably, it had been her undoing time and time again.
It takes her a second to recognize him, the Prince. The fucking Prince of the Underworld himself, Zagreus. Here to hunt them down? To save them? Either way, they'd be helpless. Better to try to hide, or if they couldn't, to plead their case.
But before Calliope can even think of places to move her small charge, the Prince looks up. Right at them. Busted.
"Are you, hrk, are you two... the shades that managed to give Father the slip? Because, if you are," he coughs out, stumbling forward and using his spear to support himself, "well, I'd love to know how you got all the way up to Elysium. But you should also know that you're not in trouble with me - I'm just here to do Than's job."
Calliope lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding, even if she didn't have to breathe. So he wasn't here to hunt them down. Good, that's good - but the implied threat of 'You might be in trouble with Lord Hades' still lingers in the back of her head.
It is to her utter shock, then, that he bends a knee and offers her his hand. Her, a shade. Like they were equals. Her, a shade. (Calliope's heart, if she had one, skips a beat.)
"Let me take you back to the House," he says, all easy grins despite the bleeding, and, shit, he's bleeding red (like a mortal, her mind traitorously adds, like she'd not been delusional enough already).
"Sir Prince," she starts, hesitant to touch divinity, "I appreciate the offer, and the rescue. But, erm..."
"You're bleeding a whole lot, mister," Penelope chimes in, helpful as always, "Lylee will worry if you don't stop bleeding. Do you want her to kiss it better?"
And to her embarrassment, the Prince throws his head back and laughs; the idea of a shade to kiss his wounds better as ridiculous as to say Lord Hades might forgive their transgressions. Through his giggling, he manages to get out a wheezy, "Oh, good shade, I wouldn't want to worry your 'Lylee', so please, just a moment... Here."
Without explaining further, as gods are wont to do, he leaves a singed path from in front of Calliope to the fountain, and dips in a hand to take a sip of the water. Like it was nothing special. By all rights, it should not have had any effect besides being refreshing, but the two shades watch in amazement as the wounds seal themselves shut.
"Now, may I?"
Calliope's eyes meet Penelope's, asking a silent, 'Are you ready?' The response is a shaky 'Yes,' and she has to take a second not to sob in relief. Finally, they were done.
"Yes. Yes, you may."
FIN.
#ask-zagreus#calliope speaks#plotline: interrupting paradise#hades game#zagreus hades#hades oc#long post#ooc: and that wraps up the mini arc! thanks for reading!#ooc: don't pay attention to the inconsistent colors here
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Hey Zagreus, not meant to distract you but...there is a lost soul or two stuck in the higher levels of the Underworld can you check it out please? Not to mention that their locations are unknown, and it's really giving Thanatos and your Father some headaches...
"You're asking me to solve one of Father's problems? Oh, this is absolutely brilliant - there's no way I can pass this little assignment up! Oh, I've not been on a run since this askbox opened up... I'm itching for a good workout."
Zagreus practically skips towards the courtyard and snatches Varatha from where it'd sat idly. Yes, he decides with an experimental spin of the weapon, this'll do.
#ask-zagreus#zagreus answers#anonymous#plotline: interrupting paradise#hades game#zagreus hades#thanks for the ask!
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A Harpoon was thrown between the two women and the man, with a British voice shouting out. "Hey, boogie man! Take a spear!" It turned out that another soul had been wandering around as it revealed itself in a blue hoodie.
"Why would anyone choose to fight an Exalted, Lylee?"
"...honor and glory, baby, honor and glory. Tell your mama that you need to work on your manners once you find her, though."
#ask-zagreus#unknown answers#anonymous#plotline: interrupting paradise#hades game#thanks for the ask!
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Meanwhile, in Elysium...
"B-but—! Lylee, you can't! You can't win this!"
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